100% Eat - Whataburger Breakfast Bowl
Episode Date: December 6, 2022In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Whataburger Breakfast Bowl so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about Michael's car, coffee lawsuits, a deep fried rat, and ...more. Sponsored by Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/facejam18 and use code facejam18 Uncommon Goods http://uncommongoods.com/facejam and The Rooster Teeth Store https://bit.ly/3RMqq7p Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Yeah. No, no, we're going, I guess. Even you weren't. We'll be right back. Did you speed up the theme song to make us go faster? I think it's just you. He accidentally put it on 1.5. It was 7% faster at best.
Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation, every single one.
Don't question us.
To let you know if you need it, you probably do.
I'm your host, who's eaten every single fast food creation, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host,
who's also eaten every single fast food creation, Jordan Sweers.
Jordan, how are you?
I've eaten them all and
regretted most of them, yes.
Did you eat it all?
Yeah. Okay, cool. Wait, I'm sorry.
Did you say, did I eat it all or did I eat
at all? Did you eat it all? No, I did
not eat it all, but I did eat it.
At all? Yeah, I ate at all.
Yeah, I had a bit of a predicament
this morning, so you guys
I said, go on without me
i'll catch up it's true and i did catch up when you came and picked me up and we kind of caught
up to you i even i even had my my ex texting me checking in damn and i said don't worry face jam
saved me yeah and then they said you were in a jam we broke the news to them actually
you did well because look
face jam was more important after
my
quite an awkward situation for us to be in
and I just went oh no I'm gonna be late
when you let us know
and then you guys let my ex
know that I was alive
well when you say something and then we all go, is he serious?
And then the next message is
not joking. Right, because I knew.
100%. Because I knew.
This seems like a thing
he would say to say to Frank and then he'd walk in and be
like, ah. I was literally
typing out, haha, good one. And then you followed
up. When I typed,
when you were all waiting for me to get there, and I'm like, on my way,
be there soon.
And the next message is, I just got into a major accident.
I knew I immediately had to follow up, not kidding.
But it's fine.
We're here.
You ate the food.
I ate it a little bit later.
Yep.
55 minutes on a phone call, my my insurance and we've started the process so
that's good and now we started the podcast i think i have a new car now oh so yeah it's weird you hung
up the phone and you said got a new car and we said where and you said isn't that how it works
and right isn't it outside now like you you filed the claim uh-huh and they say you win
and then i go outside and they say, move that bus.
And then the new car is there with the bow on it.
Oh, okay.
And Ty Pennington is in the sidecar on the car.
Because we should put them on cars now.
Why are they only a thing on motorcycles?
Sidecars on cars?
Yeah.
That's kind of what passenger seats are for, aren't they?
No, but outside the passenger seat.
Sure.
On either side.
They got a sidecar. They got a side car.
They got a back side car.
Making the car wider and more dangerous
and just putting people directly into the danger.
Well, not if roads were built for them.
Right.
Hey, get out of the side car lane.
That's true.
They're for people dangling outside the vehicle.
That's what we should be doing.
Fixing all the roads.
What if we did a backside car like a trailer, like a small, you know what I mean?
It's like a little pod.
I think if we did the backside of the car was a ramp, then I wouldn't have had a problem.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah, you would have.
Okay.
That would have been cool.
But I got here faster.
Yep, it's true.
It's true.
Literally.
So I didn't go to Whataburger with you guys.
No.
Not much happened, to be honest.
But you did pick me up from the parking lot in which on
the phone with my insurance company, a security
guard from the strip mall attempted
to tell me that I was loitering
and then I told him that the police
had dropped me off there to get me out of
traffic and he kept saying, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. Did he say he's
not going to call the police?
He's like, I'm not going to call the cops on you because I thought
I guess he thought I said, ah, don't call the cops because I just said the cops just put me here.
He's like, hey, sir, you can't be here.
I went, hey, your boss just dropped me off.
That's what I was thinking.
You know what you're cosplaying?
They put me here.
Yeah.
He was just like, he was like, you want to get out of the middle of the road?
And I said, seems like an offer I shouldn't turn down.
And then this other guy was like, hey, sir, get back in the middle of the road and I said, seems like an offer I shouldn't turn down. And then this other guy was like, hey, sir.
Get back in the middle of the road.
Hey, get away from that tree in the middle of this
parking lot. You seem to
not be bothering anyone. Let me go bother you.
Oh, right on. Thank you so much.
I'm looking for something to do.
And then you guys got to hear my end of the phone
call because I, also, by the
way, I was on that phone call for about 35 minutes
until I went oh wait a
minute my earbuds are in my pocket oh I should put these in my ear oh man and so then I put them in
so then you guys heard me talking and a lot of questions there's a lot of information a lot of
numbers um and then uh the my favorite part was reading the name of the towing company.
Oh, yeah.
That made the whole car laugh.
Because when the tow truck got there, I saw the name of it.
And I thought, that's a weird name.
But I'm a weird person.
So, you know, it was, huh, and then whatever.
Now cut to me giving it to this person working at a call center over the phone.
And they're like, and what's the name of the towing company?
And I look at Nick and I shrug and i just go finger towing and i'm just trying not to laugh
so hard because i have again i have like like airpod pros in yeah and you can just hear me
laughing and you're all laughing and i'm going f-i-n-g-e-r The delivery was so good. It was like, you were like,
finger towing.
I knew my audience.
It really made us realize
you can name a towing company whatever you want.
It's very funny later. Yeah, I said
it gave me the idea. I want to start a towing company
that's called Yum Yum Towing.
Just to think about when the insurance company goes,
what's the name of the towing company? Yum Yum?
It's Y-U-M.
Dash Y-U-M.
Oh, man.
But, you know, I'm good.
Your belts and your bags are cool.
Yeah.
And the other person's fine.
Good.
What are we eating today?
Well, we ate the Whataburger Breakfast Bowl.
Oh.
There's no information. It was supposed to be breakfast. Yeah. Anyway. You got the Whataburger breakfast bowl. There's no information.
It was supposed to be breakfast.
You got the Whataburger lunch bowl.
I got the brunch.
Very nice.
I feel like it was about the same as what you got.
I think you're probably right.
Ours was a little hotter.
Like sexier or warmer?
Yeah, no, it was wearing like
negligee. Yeah, it, it was wearing like negligee.
Yeah, it looked good.
He said both. Just to show you now.
You just pointed at him and didn't finish what you were saying
and then he looked at me and went, what's up?
What's up is we're doing the podcast.
He just gets like that.
He does.
He's not even he's not even
he's not even
gray looking yet
he's
he's too close
to the action
it's true
go sit on that couch
go
go in the
go in the other room
we're in
I'll put him on the other side of the glass
we're
we're in
a different recording space today
yeah we're lounging
sure sounds good
we're hanging out
and um
Nick is very
in on the action today
and that's
usually there's like a there's about 15 feet the action today. Usually there's
about 15 feet in a table separating us.
There's usually some space.
That's why
I was like, I must get there today.
It's Face Jam Day.
Nothing was going to stop him.
We got all day.
Take your time, do your thing
and then the food will be here
when you want it don't tell
anyone to do that thing though if someone's like i just want to do this real quick don't say
do your thing right right just probably avoid it okay uh we used online ordering again but it
actually worked out for us and there were no problems well there was one there was one little
hiccup it wasn't a thing where a carousel of people were coming out and asking us questions one person i rolled eric's window down so that was a signal to give it to him yeah
that's absolutely jordan went and this is so they know to hand you the food and uh and uh we were
like three or four spaces down from the front door and somebody just like opens the door and
peeks their head out and yells at er. What's the name of the order?
Yep.
And Eric shouts back, Eric.
And they go, okay.
And they go back in.
There's a real long pause after I said my name, like she was processing, like I had said something really weird.
And then to their credit, next time we saw them, they had the food.
Although it took about three trips.
They took three trips to bring us all of the food.
Which is very weird.
How many bags?
Okay, so there was a bag with all the bowls. There was a bag
which are sealed and covered with lids.
And then there's
their own bag, so they put it in a plastic bag.
Yes, and then there's a bag
for the cinnamon rolls.
And then there was a
bag for the coffee. and then a separate bag
for the creamer the bag for the coffee was very confusing they put all the coffee in the like
you know like the paper cardboard like tray thing little tray yeah and then put that in a bag uh-huh
i've never had them okay so here's what I've had recently. Uh-huh. Okay.
There are now, like, at, I think McDonald's does it, and some other fast food place does it.
They're starting to put, you know, like if you get an Amazon delivery, and you get something heavy or cold,
they put that thick piece of cardboard at the bottom of the paper bag for stability.
Uh-huh. a cardboard at the bottom of the paper bag for stability. So they now have like inserts for fast food bags.
That's a cardboard bottom, but a cup base.
And so it's like designed to be put into, it's like a cup holder.
That's designed to be put into a bag, but like the bottom's flat to sit in the bag properly.
And it's genius and it works.
What you're describing sounds like they just threw the cup holder in the bag.
That does not work.
I was going to say, your idea sounds very cool.
It's not an idea.
It's a thing that works.
I'm glad it's happening.
I feel like they saw someone else do it and said, we're going to do it too.
A hundred percent.
And they just threw it in.
Well, that's Whataburger.
And that is crazy because it's just going to fall the fuck over.
Eric was doing a real balancing act in the car.
Oh, boy.
Holding the bag from the top closed closed but also with my hand underneath it to make sure everything was
balancing perfectly on these incredibly full hot cups of coffee i was trying inside of a bag
that would melt if any of them spilled i was uh yeah i was trying not to take any corners too
quickly yeah jordan did a great job driving us there. We got there and then we got the food
within a couple of minutes.
No problems.
It was totally fine.
Yeah, totally fine.
So now we know why I had to have such an adventure this morning.
Because you guys had no story.
Oh, that is true.
Great.
No, mine happened first.
The fate's new.
Check the threads.
It really was perfect timing because I was just
pulling up and
going to get out of my car and be like,
here we go. Time for Face Jam. We've got a busy day ahead of us
because we were doing other stuff.
And then see the message and I go,
I'll sit in the car a little bit longer.
There's any rush.
Me and Nick were hanging out, talking about
other stuff, having a cup of coffee, and Jordan
went, Michael said he was in a major accident
not joking
oh okay
and then that's when we saw your ex walk by
and we go have you talked to Michael
they were next
it was really like
you talked to Michael today yeah
no I mean like
now like recent like do you know what happened to Michael? Today? Yeah. No, I mean like, like, now,
like recent,
like,
do you know what happened to Michael?
And they went,
no.
Oh, okay.
Well,
we have some news.
We have some bad news.
He didn't,
he didn't make it.
Oh my God,
to work.
Right.
Yeah.
Pay attention.
What did you think I said?
Uh, I gotta be honest. Car went perfectly straight. That's great. No swerving. What did you think I said?
I got to be honest.
Car went perfectly straight.
That's great.
No swerving.
Airbags flying in directions that I didn't even know I had them.
Great.
I didn't know that they were in the side doors.
It's a great car.
I've never been in a car before when airbags have been deployed.
Yeah, me neither. Boy, they went in every direction.
They're all around you.
I've almost felt like robbed.
Yeah, you were...
Of an experience of a car accident.
You wanted to hit your head on the steering wheel?
No, I didn't want it, Jordan, but I went, this baby's so safe today.
Yep.
You know, I said kids these days.
Right.
People...
I immediately sat there in my wrecked car and said, you know, people are too soft.
Yeah.
Yeah.
As the airbags slowly deflated around me.
No, they didn't.
They stayed.
And then I sat and went, how do I get out of my car?
Do they just stay inflated?
They stayed inflated.
Oh, wow.
That's why they recommend you have scissors or something
within arm's reach to cut them if you're in an accident.
Yeah.
It was cool what Jordan just did because he made a motion
to cut with scissors while
simultaneously turning his wrist to
check his watch. He went, I look very cool.
I got a text. He was
stabbing. He got a text. He's like, and then yeah.
What's going on? Oh yeah.
I heard about it. Yeah, I heard the
I heard about it. He's here on the podcast. Was it Gus?
That was the text. No, it was. It's our
friend Laura. Oh, cool. The U.S.
men's national team are about to play.
Yeah, we're getting excited for some football.
F-U-T-O-B-O-L.
Hang on.
Who are we telling?
How'd you screw that up?
Who are we fucking off?
You should have just stopped at F-U.
Who are we effing you?
It's called soccer.
We tied those fucks.
It's coming home, boys.
There is Whataburger involved.
Yes.
I noticed no one started a timer.
It's right here.
Oh, God.
Eric is the only one in control of the timer.
It's a tiny little baby thing.
Where's a big old chong?
I know.
It's on my desk.
If only somebody felt like somebody involved.
I don't know.
You had to get interrupted how many times before we could start this to get a picture for a
thing you already promoted?
I don't know.
How many times did I get interrupted?
At least twice. So many. So many. We lost count. I don't know why How many times did I get interrupted? At least twice.
So many.
I don't know why you were letting people in here.
We reserved the room.
I wasn't letting anybody in here.
I walked in.
Did those doors lock?
Can we lock those doors?
Yeah, but they know the code.
Yeah.
I walked in and people were in here
and I was like, excuse me?
And so I thought you'd clear them.
Nope.
No, I would never.
No.
These are the only people that are clear.
Well, they were in here with you, so anyway.
This is a podcast about food, I guess.
Yes.
And Whataburger is what we ate.
Should we find out about Whataburger?
We should, but first, we should learn poetry about Whataburger with Jordan's haiku.
Can you tell how ready I was?
I was looking at Eric, and I had no idea what Jordan was doing because he's behind me.
And I just thought he was looking somewhere else.
I'm next to you.
You could open your body up to be a little more.
I literally can't see both of you at the same time.
It's very closed off.
I like it.
I mean, I can see them or you.
There's no choice.
I get why you want to keep an eye on that one.
Yeah, Nick's over here. It's all fucked up. Well, you want to keep an eye on that one. Yeah, Nick's over here.
It's all fucked up.
Well, I want to keep on what he's doing to him.
Yes, absolutely.
I don't get to sit over there
and look at you with the whole gang.
You get to see everybody.
You and him.
Okay, he's making a strangulation device.
He's making a garrotte, actually,
out of an XLR cable.
Oh, the BTK monkey. Got it. He learned that in the Boy Scouts. How to make a garrot, actually, out of an XLR cable. Oh, the BTK monkey. Got it.
He learned that in the Boy Scouts.
How to make a garrot?
Plates cannot contain
breakfast tossed into
a trough.
Suck it down, piggy.
Oink, oink.
That's what it really feels like.
What is the purpose of putting it into a bowl?
Why not a sandwich?
Why was what we ate not a sandwich?
15 years behind KFC?
Exactly. And they just said, we're doing it.
People like bowls.
It's this illusion of convenience
to be like, oh, I got mine in a bowl.
That means I can go anywhere.
Everything that we had was a deconstructed
sandwich. There's nothing convenient about that.
I don't understand why that's the way you would
prefer to eat that.
It really makes no sense. You also don't even need to buy that. You can just buyed sandwich. There's nothing convenient about that. I don't understand why that's the way you would prefer to eat that. It really makes no sense.
You also don't even need to buy that.
You can just buy the sandwich.
People think they can just come in here.
People just can buy a sandwich and then fuck it up if they want.
You don't need to buy this thing.
Yeah, you could bring your own bowl.
Don't sit down.
You'll get hurt.
You could bring your own bowl and make your own Whataburger bowl.
Disappeared. Well, they didn't disappear. They went back
in the other room. There was a guy who came in here and it was
all fucked up. Yeah, but you know what? They left
because I didn't clear them.
Not cleared. Thank you.
Yeah, well, then why didn't he clear the other one that was
in here? I told you I would never clear
anyone that's not us. He cleared her. No. Somebody cleared her. Yeah, and, then why didn't he clear the other one that was in here? I told you I would never clear anyone that's not us.
He cleared her.
No.
Somebody cleared her.
Yeah, and then I heard him saying, yeah, take more pictures.
Anyway.
We need them.
Beautiful high Q.
Thank you.
Let's learn about the food.
I have a high, high Q.
Our previous What a Burger episode was released August 21st, 2022.
What?
It said August 1st.
What's up?
Oh, no.
It's his brain.
August?
You said August 21st.
August 21st.
Get the smelly salt.
Stop falling asleep.
Stop falling asleep. Stop falling asleep.
My nose wet.
My brain.
You guys hear that?
God, turn that whistle off.
Our previous Whataburger episode was released August 1, 2022. That whistle's going to be in the episode the whole time, guys.
No one's going to listen to this.
Guys, why does it sound like burnt toast?
Where we ate the Whataburger bacon blue cheese burger
and fake banana pudding cake.
Very fake.
It received an average score of 55.
I know I liked it, and Eric liked it, who does not get a score,
and Jordan didn't.
Somebody didn't like it based on that score.
Who knows who it could have been? Well, there's only two people that get scores.
I also remember I think he didn't like blue cheese
and was mad about the fake banana pudding
shake. For some reason
you didn't want it to go above a score
of 64. That was
the important thing to you. And we achieved
our goal. We definitely fucking nailed it.
Collectively as Face Jam all on the same
page.
Next fact. Nick is here
for this episode.
He's here for almost every episode.
It has been over two years since we have eaten
Whataburger with him. He must be
thrilled, Nick.
But road trip. Yeah, I was gonna say
like a year ago.
Now he's longer.
It's literally October
of 2021 that we had
Whataburger on the road. No. We ate it.
No. We ate it in...
Nah. Oh, no. Big
Spring, Texas. I wish you guys could see this. He's melting
like... He recorded it in Amarillo.
There's a clack goo coming down the front of his face.
Hang on, I'm thinking.
He hears the whistle now. No, that's
not right. Hang on. This is where he, saved by the bell style,
turns to the camera and stops the episode.
He's like, hang on a minute, everybody.
I need a couple minutes to come up with something.
Why don't you enjoy this commercial break?
Zach, don't play this.
In October of this year,
I'll just move past it. In October of this year
a soldier at Fort Hood, Texas
filed a $1 million suit
against Whataburger when a hot coffee was
put in a cold drink cup
then spilled into his lap causing second degree
burns. Whataburger does not
respect the troops and is actively waging
war on them. Is this our 9-11?
Question mark? Said Eric
That's the McMillian scene. Oh waging war on them. Is this our 9-11? Question mark, said Eric.
That's the McMillian's thing. Oh.
Yeah, that thing really took a
backseat to the McMillian's stuff.
So what does
that mean when you put it in a cold drink cup?
Like, you see how it's in like a hot coffee cup?
You know how you just get like a Dr. Pepper
or whatever there? So it's more
like the plastic one. Yeah, it's the regular
plastic cup, and they gave it to them like that.
Imagine filling up a regular soda,
like a Big Gulp with the hottest coffee.
But I'm confused.
This is what regular cups are at Whataburger.
This is what soda goes in.
So when they say a cold drink cup,
it's all styrofoam.
Then I have no idea.
The fuck does that mean?
That's fucking crazy.
The only thing that tells me this is coffee is the lid.
This is,
then you know what?
Then it goes even deeper than we thought.
Then this is government propaganda.
If they're saying,
oh, it's a cold drink cup,
yes, technically,
they're all cold drink cups.
To me,
what it sounds like is,
they don't do plastic cups.
To me,
what it sounds like,
they're inside jobs.
Well, clearly.
What it sounds like to me
is that it was much more of an active hit job.
Yeah.
This is the only cups we have?
I don't know.
I need to find one that's going to scald him.
Jordan, I need to go outside of the realm of Whataburger cups.
They just gave it a big gulp and they just filled it up?
You're assuming there was a hit at all, Jordan.
I feel like we may have just discovered
the true conspiracies
that there was no spilled hot coffee
to begin with.
Hey, I'll be honest.
There might not even be a soldier.
What?
Oh.
Stolen valor.
I don't even think Fort Hood is a real place.
No, it definitely is.
So here's the thing.
One million dollar lawsuit
for second degree burns from the coffee,
that's less than the McDonald's woman
from like the early 90s.
Remember that? This is chump change.
This economy?
Buy him another cup of coffee. I mean, Whataburger
versus McDonald's, he knows who he's working
with.
He's like, I'm not going to ask for more than a million.
I don't want to burden them. He's playing the game that he can win.
Yes, exactly.
It's like you hear those
suits where it's like you hear those suits
where it's like,
in your favor for $500 million.
It's like, great, the guy has no money.
Who gives a shit?
Whataburger's like, okay, they can float a million.
That's like if you sued
Dickie's Barbecue, you're like, well, just ask
for a handshake. Right, right, right. Whataburger can call
two other Whataburgers and pool to get
like, guys, I need like 200 grand.
We got to pay off
this dick burn.
Everyone kick in 50 bucks.
Every Whataburger.
We got to get rid
of this dick burn guy.
Hush money.
In early 2020,
Whataburger was sued
for wrongful death.
That's harsh.
When an employee in Alamo City was having chest pain,
so the manager told him to sit in the lobby
where he proceeded to die
after not being checked on for four hours.
While this death is tragic,
we're comforted by the rumors
that his last words were, quote,
well, at least it's not Jack in the Box.
End quote.
Jesus Christ.
That's terrible. That's only two years ago. Okay,. That's terrible.
That's only two years ago.
How did we not hear about this?
Also, how did
who sits anywhere for four
hours and doesn't move?
I don't know what that means.
He's having chest pains the whole time.
Go back to work or go to the hospital, but who just sits
in a... I don't even understand that.
When I have a medical situation I'm sitting that. When I have a medical situation...
When I have a medical situation, I typically
go to a Whataburger and ask a night manager
like, hey, so what do I do now?
And then he says, have a seat.
I got this.
How many people are working at a Whataburger
where one guy can sit in the lobby for
four hours and nobody...
That probably happens every day.
It must. You think people have chest pains? No, not the chest pain part. four hours and nobody that probably happens every day it must because again i think no no no no
there's people sitting there for four hours every day sitting motionless for four hours
i think the shocking because otherwise the shocking part is that he died at the end right
the the it must happen because i think i think i agree with you that someone must go. I don't need to see a person in any sort of duress.
It's more like that person hasn't moved for X amount of hours.
I should investigate like at all.
And then you see what happens.
But especially someone going, I'm having chest pains.
I'm going to go sit down and then they don't move is insane.
Yes.
How did a customer not call an ambulance?
That's unbelievable.
I just don't know.
Like, yeah, my chest hurts really bad.
Yeah, you should just have a seat where people eat hamburgers.
Don't bench so much.
Don't bench so much.
And then to die.
Imagine dying during your shift at Whataburger.
What?
No, I don't want to.
That sucks.
That fucking sucks.
That's terrible.
They're only suing for like a million dollars.
Yeah, well.
That's not enough money.
It's not enough money, but it's all they have.
They know with the other guy suing for a million, it's the cap.
They need to pull together and like, you know, do a class action thing or something
because they're just hurting each other's cases.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the final fact.
At a Whataburger in Bastrop,
a customer filmed a rat running and diving into the deep fryer.
The video went viral and the restaurant was shut down.
Fortunately, the rat was only there because he was experiencing chest pains.
That rat cooked himself?
Fuck.
I want to have a seat in the deep fryer.
Did he just start screaming when he jumped in?
The imagery of him diving in, it just makes me think of a cartoon character.
He dives off the handle like it's a springboard,
and there's a swan dive into the oil.
There's a real oil up.
He goes down, but he comes up, and he looks like french fries.
He spits some oil out in a little fountain.
The backstroke.
Yeah.
The rat was really excited because he heard Camilla was coming.
Quiz mice.
Quiz mice.
There's a video of this.
The guy films it, and he goes, there's a damn rat at the Whatab Quiz mice. There's a video of this. The guy films it
and he goes, there's a damn rat at the Whataburger
and it's running across the counter
and it
whoosh, splash
into the fryer.
A woman starts screaming,
are you selling us fried
rat?
That's awesome.
Was the follow-up?
I'll take it.
Because I want it.
Give me my fried rat.
It reminds me when
in Trucked Up when Chris told us
they used the potatoes on the ground
and immediately we were like, excuse me?
The potato was on the floor.
After we'd eaten it.
After we ate it.
Fried rat just makes me think poplars.
Oh, poplars, yeah.
I'm going to take a bite of that.
Dude, if they taste good, who cares?
Bastrop is not far from here.
No, it isn't.
But also, if there was a place for that to happen,
it'd be Bastrop.
Bastrop.
Amarillo, close second.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Amarillo's doing that in. Bastrop. Amarillo, close second. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, Amarillo's doing that in service.
Amarillo's probably not even reporting on it.
No, no, no.
Amarillo's like getting the rats, frying them up.
People are buying them.
The rats are working there.
They got their own rat economy.
The rats are working there, but it ain't Ratatouille.
They're like the shitty, lazy rats.
The rats are wearing hats with humans in them,
controlling them.
They're all... Well, then when one of them has chest pains, he says, go sit.
Oh, they're all having chest pains.
Yeah.
Go sit in the deep fryer, Amarillo style.
And then you have to eat the rat?
Oh, no.
And that's.
Get to eat the rat.
Oh.
Get to.
You get to buy and eat the rat.
There's a damn rat at the water burger.
Get on down here.
That's incredible. Are you, like, rat at the Whataburger. Get on down here. That's incredible.
I like the idea of selling. It wasn't
like you're feeding us. It's, are you
selling us fried rat?
That's awesome, man. Selling us?
Like, your concern
was the money exchange?
Bro, where
else are you going to find a deep fried rat?
Good luck. Yeah, you could probably go to maybe Jack
Jack in the Box of Kangaroo
Long John Silver
Long John Silver seems like a place
You gotta look around
I feel like Long John Silver would have
That's me when I leave the building today
This is me
This is great
There's a commercial
Slow down It is you me. This is great. There's a commercial on. Wow. Oh, slow down.
No. Slow down.
It is you. There's a commercial where
an old man is going crazy driving
a car. Well, he walked out
for Christmas. He walked outside and there was a car
with a bow on it. Yeah. Because I think
he just got off the phone with insurance.
The commercial implied. That's the part
they don't show. We have a TV on
on mute because you guys wanted to watch a soccer game or something like that.
Originally, we were going to be done with the episode by now.
90% of this is just commercials.
It's so much commercials going on.
They cram them now because they don't run commercials during the game.
That's fine.
I'm just saying that you guys laughed at me because you thought that a car wouldn't appear.
I feel like we just saw it happen.
I tell you,
there's got to be an easier way to get a new car.
Yeah. I don't know why
you have to get in an accident and call
somebody and then they bring it to you
with a bow on it. There's got to be a better way.
Oh. I hadn't thought about that yet.
But it's tradition. It's true.
Your insurance guy gets a bow on your car.
That's how Henry Ford did it. I'm going through
just the steps.
Do you want to be robbed of the experience of calling the tow company and say,
Hi, it's so-and-so.
I'm calling to let you know that you can release my car to the insurance company when they call.
And they say, no problem.
Sir, sorry.
You called toes towing.
You need to call finger towing.
You need to call finger towing.
Well, it's toes fingering.
Right, right.
Sir, you called suck on him towing.
You meant to call finger towing.
Sniffs up.
How can I help you?
I think you have my car.
No, we don't do that here.
No, we don't.
That's definitely.
We'll do stuff in a car, but we don't have one.
No, we're toe tow guys not tow guys
We're tow guys
You'd be surprised
This happens a lot
People are getting us confused
I saw a Lamborghini
My insurance should cover it
Get a two door something quick
How much do you think they're going to give me?
Like a million?
Yeah, like a million.
Well, I mean, how much should this guy...
A million.
Okay.
Whataburger Stylies.
What if I mentioned also in the accident report,
just kind of in addition, I'll just say,
and also there was coffee,
and I'm not sure what kind of cup it was in.
Yeah, it could have been from any of these places.
We should sue them all.
I think it was in a cold cup. It was in a cup made for cold drinks in. Yeah, it could have been from any of these places. We should sue them all.
I think it was in a cold cup.
It was in a cup made for cold drinks, if that helps.
Could have been a factor, is all I'm saying.
I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
And now you have a cool car and you're a millionaire.
Yeah.
That's exciting for you.
Do you think the guy who filmed the deep fried rat is rich?
No.
You can't make money on that?
It's not all ridiculous.
No, dude.
You know what's dumb? I bet you can make money on it,
but it's never the person who films it.
Somebody like 20 people away is making
money on it.
They just throw it up on social media
for free, and it's so dumb. You need to take that
to the newspaper.
You have to have newspaper run
your viral videos. You gotta have contacts.
You gotta have a source.
You gotta have someone who you. You've got to have a source. Right.
You've got to know, you know, you've got to have someone who you can, like, give a lead to.
And then maybe they can, like, stop the presses.
You know, like, this is going on tonight.
It's like they've been stopped for two years.
I want to film a viral video so good that they stop the presses.
Yeah, and it's like, we've already printed half the papers for the morning.
It's like, start printing them again.
There's a rat at the water.
We got to put this rat video inside the newspaper.
I need pictures of rat.
I need moving pictures inside paper.
I don't know.
They should start running viral videos inside the newspaper.
I don't know how.
Sirius Black did it.
They should do it.
That's Harry Potter style.
Do viral videos of a rat in a deep fryer.
Are you selling us deep fryer rat?
Peter Pettigrew.
What was the rat's name?
Fucking Scabbers?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The Scabbers.
But yeah, he really was Peter Pettigrew.
Scabbers would go to a Bastrop Whataburger.
That's for sure.
Are you selling us fried Peter Pettigrew?
It's a man rat form man form i ain't touching this guy in the form of a rat he jumped in as a rat and it transformed back into a man but halfway because he'd stopped and so he was a
rat man and that's that rat who's washing himself that's that other viral video
yeah we can sing that on the show that's fine we just did i was just doing some himself. That's that other viral video. He's the rat man. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. You like the blue guys? Yeah, we're going for the blue guys.
Listen closely as a master painter carefully brushes Benjamin Moore Regal Select down the seam of the wall.
It's like poetry in motion.
Benjamin Moore, see the love.
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Happy tastes good.
What the hell do we eat, Jordan?
Jordan, teach us about the food.
Whataburger breakfast bowl.
What is it?
It's a fresh baked biscuit,
creamy Whataburger gravy, scrambled eggs, two crispy hash browns,
and fancy shredded cheddar jack cheese.
All of those letters capitalized except cheese with your choice of sausage or bacon.
Wait, hang on.
Wait, why is that?
What the fuck?
Yeah, that's weird.
Fancy shredded cheddar jack is. It's all capitalized.
Why is that all capitalized?
None of the other foods are capitalized.
I don't know.
What the fuck?
It sounds like it's a brand or something.
Nick, is that their brand of cheese?
Sure.
Okay.
They have fancy ketchup.
He didn't want you to know.
Oh, they do have fancy ketchup.
Maybe they just fancify stuff every now and then.
Did it?
I mean, you guys looked at this, saw it, whatever.
Did any of that jump out at you like, yeah, this belongs in a bowl?
No.
No.
Again, no.
Absolutely not.
They described a sandwich that they dropped on the ground.
Exactly.
They dropped it on the ground and they looked, what's on the ground?
It's a fresh baked biscuit creamy whataburger gravy scrambled eggs
why did they do i don't i still don't understand here's my thing uh-huh so i said i said like i
don't understand why you have to invent this because you could literally just like take apart
a sandwich yes right like if you really wanted to i like maybe there's a little bit more to it, and I do mean more just in volume,
not, like, ingredients.
Like, it seems bigger because it's a bowl.
Right?
Yeah, it's,
there's a lot of eggs.
There's way more eggs
than that would be
on a sandwich.
So, but it's still just,
like, the ingredients
of a sandwich
with extra shit.
He kicked that way too high.
Yeah, we're not good at that.
So, I guess my thing is,
like, I immediately think of the KFC bowl
Yes
Exactly what I meant
They loaded those things up
They started with
Hey you lazy piece of shit
Yeah
You wanna mush this up and eat it in a bowl
And while it also is kind of a grotesque
Just like true American fashion
Just way of eating
It works for KFC
because you do get all that
shit like mashed potatoes
are mashed potatoes are great for
picking shit up corn and like it's globular
okay yeah
it's great if you have like a flat spoon
the chicken bites
we don't have any more flat spoons
flat spoon would be great if you you know someone, take theirs.
Yep.
Steal it.
It's fine.
But like all that shit makes sense together because that to me is kind of the, you know,
when you have all those ingredients on a plate, they end up touching anyway.
Right.
And they're all going to the same place.
They're all going.
And you're eating like the chicken with your hands maybe and you're eating the sides with
the utensil and it puts all of it together and it looks like a sloppy disgusting mess but it still tastes good and you truly can
eat it easily and conveniently with a fork yes this is not that at all no this is way more
convenient as a sandwich a hundred a hundred percent and all you've done is taken the sandwich
apart turn it into a fucking mess, giving me a fork,
and the fork isn't good enough.
No.
No, it isn't.
Because it's a biscuit.
It's sausage.
It's not mush.
The KFC works because it's food mush.
Yes. Yes.
It's all mush food already,
and yeah, the mush here, I guess,
is the scrambled eggs.
It's the scrambled eggs
and it's the fucked on a sauce.
Whatever that sauce is.
The difference is,
it's what you're saying.
You need a knife
or a very firm fork
to cut through what we ate.
It might as well be on a plate.
KFC, everything is baby bite size.
It's baby bite, and it's also
baby
firmness.
I'm not using my
gnashers at all. You can use your soft
teeth. You don't have to rip it.
You just kind of mush it in your mouth until you can swallow it.
And this is just a real sandwich put into a bowl,
but it still has to be eaten like you're a human being.
Let me ask you.
So I don't understand the point.
I didn't think of this until right now.
It said biscuit.
Did we get the top part of a biscuit on the top?
Is there a bottom part of the biscuit on the bottom?
There is a bottom part.
There was a bottom part underneath the eggs.
So it was kind of like a sandwich in a bowl.
So it's exactly like, it's just a breakfast sandwich they put in a bowl.
Yes.
It's a breakfast sandwich they put in a bowl and then just added a fuck ton more eggs and
maybe some other.
It's a weird like ginormo breakfast sandwich.
It is, yeah.
That is just a sloppy mess that you could never hold.
The bowl is so greasy as well.
Jordan grabbed the bowl
and was going like, no, what happened?
All over him.
No, all over him.
It makes me want to go get a KFC bowl.
Oh, interesting.
Because that's what a bowl should be.
You can just straight up eat that.
And then one little plastic spork.
You can eat everything in there.
The world's your oyster.
It really is.
And nothing gets soggy.
They do a good job of mostly everything's dry.
Yeah.
I'm surprised KFC's never done, like, a little turn for Thanksgiving
and done a Thanksgiving-style bowl.
Because it's kind of the same thing.
Everything in Thanksgiving on the plate is all in and up together.
Jordan, cut that from the episode, and you got to pitch that.
We got to sell it to them.
You got to sell it to them.
Don't give that away.
That feels like a thing Boston Market would do.
Boston Market is all in on, hey, it's Thanksgiving.
Hey, we just created a bit more.
Don't forget we exist.
Did we just drive up the price?
I think it just went up a cool mill.
Here's the thing about Boston Market. I even in my head
still think, oh man, Boston Market.
But then I have to remember the last six times I've
went there. I've been disappointed.
And either they've gone downhill or it was
just never that good and it's just a weird thing
as a kid where you thought it was cool.
Or thought it was fancy.
It's fine, but it's not. It's not like
this is so much better than other.
It's just like,
oh, this is like medieval times food.
Why is that?
Why is there a perception of Boston market being elevated?
I don't know, but there is.
There is, and I have to remind myself.
It's not typical fast food fare.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
It's like, oh, I can get,
but it is something you would get out of it.
I'm getting a whole roast chicken.
It's something you would get out of fare.
Or the medieval fair.
But the thing is, at first glance, it's not fast food.
But if you look, it is.
It absolutely is.
It's the same thing as KFC, except that they have the whole chickens instead of a guy frying the chicken and a rat in the back.
It just looks better.
It's the fact that it's not all like super deep fried
and they're using
like nice ingredients
and they're just using
more appeasing
like plates and shit
like it's
it's still all plastic
it's all set dressing
but like it's all black
smoke and air
it really is
it just looks fancier
and then you eat it
and you go
and it's fine
but it's not like
oh Boston Market's the shit
like the old trope
the old joke
of like oh you're having Thanksgiving like buy Boston Market's the shit. Like the old trope, the old joke of like, oh, you're having Thanksgiving?
Like buy Boston Market and then put it on all the good plates and your family will never know.
It'd be like, yo, this is Boston Market.
Yeah.
It's not delivery.
It's Boston Market.
It's fine, but it's.
I think Boston Market's great if you and your significant other don't want to cook and you feel like having a Thanksgiving dinner.
I feel like it's also Boston Market just has to be convenient for
you. It's got to be near you.
It's not good enough to go get.
They're not near us.
They're not near us at all. I don't
doubt that I would go to Boston
Market somewhat regularly if it was
along the way somewhere. Apparently P.F. Chang's isn't
near you and you eat it all the time. Yeah, but I
order it. But also
I would eat more P.F. Chang's than Boston Market,
for sure. I think their food is
better. I mean, based on
last fortnight's episode,
100%.
Jordan, how about some press material so we can learn about this?
I'm hoping they admit to the fact that
you might be expecting a sandwich. You think they're
going to, okay, yeah, here they go. They're going to admit
to them. There's no way they dress this up as
some sort of elevated innovation or anything. Don't worry, you're going to admit to them. There's no way they dress this up as some sort of elevated innovation or anything.
Don't worry. I mean, it's so much nothing. Go for it.
The Whataburger Breakfast Bowl is a savory and satisfying serving that delivers the quality and freshness guests have come to expect from us,
said Rich Scheffler, Whataburger Executive Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer.
That guy's got two very big jobs.
For those truly on the go, Whataburger's convenient app
includes order ahead options, so this
convenient bowl is ready to roll
when you are. Okay. God,
there's nothing to do with this. Here's the thing
that gets me. He pivoted into an ad for the
app. Here's the thing that gets me about this.
The way he's presenting it,
it's ready to roll when you are.
It definitely wasn't. This, no. This food is meant to be eaten on the go? it, it's ready to roll when you are. It definitely wasn't. No.
This food is meant to be eaten on the go?
Yeah, it's not.
It's less mobile than a fucking sandwich.
It's 100% less mobile.
Fact.
There's no question.
It's huge.
It's way bigger.
And again, you basically just...
And if you're holding the bowl or whatever,
let's assume you just have one hand.
Yep.
You're doing it where you're chopping it up with the side of the fork,
which doesn't work well. There are levels to
convenience
of eating food.
I can eat it with one hand. It's like a
sandwich. It's a wrap. I would
argue even easier like french fry, where it's
not even a sandwich. That's the easiest.
Grab, boom, sandwich. You gotta have a little bit
of a grip, but right, you can hold it.
Before on-the-go meal eating, sandwich or wrap is tier one.
Most convenient, most mobile.
Tier two is like two hands.
I'm imagining I'm riding a bike with no hands.
I don't need a table, but I can make this work.
Probably a KFC bowl.
This reaches the least level of convenient, which is I need a table
in order to eat this because I need to cut
things and I can't do that
without a service below me.
You need concentration on it.
The way you have to cut into this thing is
specific because it's all going to slop around.
That's a good point. You can't just kind of stab
in there and pull food out.
You can do that with the KFC bowl.
You can just blindfold yourself and get food.
You'll get like a
whole sausage.
You're going to slam your fork in there
and you're going to be like, let's see what I get.
This is a whole hash brown that doesn't
fit in my mouth.
The thing about this is we keep comparing it to the KFC bowl
and I
think it's fair to do that
even though this is breakfast and KFC is like a different thing.
You put bowl in the name. Yeah. I think that you
have a lot. Breakfast or otherwise. You have a lot to
live up to when you have something like a KFC
Bowl. You're going to enter the bowl sphere.
Yeah. You're also going to come to play in the bowl.
You better
you better bring your A game. You better be
bringing something that makes KFC
worried when they see you in the Thunderdome.
It's true and also also, not only...
Can we start over?
We can start over.
We've said the whole podcast.
Not only are you putting yourself in bowl territory, but both KFC and Whataburger, you're also bowling a food you already sell.
Yes.
It's not even a new thing.
It's not like,
like there are some bowls I wouldn't compare it to if it's like a Taco Bell,
whatever bowl.
It's like,
okay,
that's like a different thing though.
Right.
You literally just said,
right.
You just said,
Hey,
this fucking sandwich.
Uh,
now it's in a bowl.
We dropped it in a bowl.
So,
and it's like,
and that was what KFC did.
KFC was like,
Hey,
you know,
all this shit that's separate,
we're going to put it in a bowl for you to eat it.
And even that makes a little bit more sense than the sandwich.
It's already a sandwich.
I don't understand it.
This would be such a better sandwich.
You take half the eggs out because the best part of it was the biscuit.
Yeah.
I do agree with that.
It tastes so good.
I guess that's my point.
If you're going to do a bowl, just change it so it's not a sandwich, but then maybe
it wouldn't taste as good.
Yeah.
Because my first thing I was going to say was, get rid of the biscuit.
Just as far as, like, making it more bowl.
Right, as far as making more bowl.
How to make it a better bowl, but then the biscuit is delicious.
So then you would just hate the food.
Exactly.
Like, some sort of egg bowl would make sense, but then that's just eating eggs out of a bowl.
Yes.
So, look, the point is, I understand I'm not giving good suggestions, but I didn't make it and sell it. That is
true. What a burger. I am just
judging it. Somebody's meeting a quota
where it's like, we need a new
food menu item to like for
Q4 2022. And it's
like, what if we just take the sandwich, the thing we
already make, the thing that's already made. Yeah.
And we have them unwrap it from the wrapper
and dump it in a bowl and we sell it
as something new. That's all it comes across as.
I mean, that's kind of what they do with like, they have like a chili cheeseburger and then they have like a Frito pie thing.
And then they have like, they do stuff kind of close to that where everything's sort of in like the same vein.
But it's just like, did you have to do this with breakfast?
Like, why didn't they just have like a burrito?
Why didn't they do something like put all that in a burrito?
Yeah, that'd be great.
At least there's something like that.
I just don't get what the point of this is.
The problem with the bowl, too, is it's served hot, and they put a lid on it.
It was so hot, and it was so greasy.
It just cooks everything or gets all the moisture in there.
And so the hash browns were awful.
Yes.
It was so soggy.
So that's the thing.
Yeah.
Dude, every fast food place hasn't figured
that out yet like you can't just cover hot shit yeah oh no you cannot um the hash browns that we
had that were outside of it because we got the meal it came with a side of hash browns as well
we like michael when those hash browns are fucking hot jordan even said like this might rival
mcdonald's they are so fucking really good They're really good. Those little hash brown sticks. They're crispy.
Whoa.
Oh, Whataburger?
Yeah.
Oh, I've had them.
Dude, they are fucking.
I've had like a million of them.
I've never had them before.
They're fucking good.
You only get four per bag.
It's a little disappointing.
Give me 100 extras.
Fuck.
Yeah, you got to eat those immediately.
Yeah, immediately.
Wendy's, not to get off on a tangent,
their breakfast things are pretty good too.
They're like potato wedges.
Yeah.
They're like crisps. Oh, I haven't done Wendy's breakfast. Almost did Wendy's for not to get off on a tangent, their breakfast things are pretty good too. They're like potato wedges. They're like crisps.
I haven't done Wendy's breakfast.
Almost did Wendy's for this episode.
Despite Rick and Morty's best efforts.
They have French toast sticks.
If we did Wendy's, I'd still have a car.
I don't think.
I do think, absolutely.
Everything would have changed.
We would go back to the fates with their threads
and they're like, oh, Wendy's super cool story at Wendy's.
This car's fine.
Well, I went and talked to the Fates
and they laughed at me.
Tried to undo the Fates.
That's Star Wars.
Okay.
So let's get into the review.
I think we've kind of like laid it all out there.
Right, yeah.
But we got to assign a number here.
So we have...
So yeah, we... Sorry, I was looking at the. Right. Yeah. But we got it. We got to sign it over here. So we have, so yeah,
we,
sorry,
I was looking at the soccer game.
I wanted someone to score a hundred.
I want someone to score at all.
I'm hoping we get another exciting zero.
We got a cross in.
Damn it.
Go ahead,
Jordan.
You have to give a score.
Right.
So I said everything,
the biscuits,
the best part,
the rest of it is so greasy and wet and um while i ate it all
it's like not like how's the whole fucking meal that that doesn't mean i like liked it um
again it's for what it's going for it's it is not good in this medium you got to use the medium to
its full effect and that's not what they did here. For that, I'm giving it
a 44.
44. But the hash
browns, like outside of the bowl,
those are really good. Hash browns are good.
That's like an 80. The hash browns at
Whataburger are good. They're tiny baby ones. Also, the cinnamon
rolls suck. Oh, you know what?
The cinnamon rolls, we're not judging it technically.
I didn't even eat one. Why do they suck?
They're very cold, and they taste like they came from Costco,
like the kind that has raisins in them.
Oh, excellent.
They taste exactly like they would have raisins in them,
and they do not.
It's very weird.
Oh, fascinating.
But we can feed the gremlins that stuff, too.
Okay, we'll all have one.
Yeah, I mean, there's just no point to make this a bowl.
To me, it's less convenient.
And even in the sales pitch there to say like,
are you on the go?
My immediate thought was,
this would be easier to eat as a sandwich.
I won't be on the go if I'm eating this.
You can take a small sandwich.
Like if you get a double cheeseburger from Whataburger,
you're not holding that with one hand
unless you're a giant, right?
That's fucking huge.
But if you get like just a single breakfast sandwich,
you know, egg and a meat,
that's a sandwich you can squeeze and compact
and hold with one hand
where it doesn't fly everywhere
and juice doesn't fly everywhere.
And yeah, it might be like pick up, bite, put down,
use a napkin or whatever.
That's why McGriddles are like the best road trip food.
McGriddles are great.
McGriddles are great and they're sticky,
but you can easily eat one with one hand
as you kind of clean yourself up and shit.
This bowl is not that at all.
It's just work.
It's work.
I had to walk around to find a fork just to eat it.
That's true.
He had to do so much work.
Terrible.
So much work.
It would be great if Weston would shoot that ball.
So I'm going to say stick with the biscuit.
35.
Wow. Michael gave it a lower
score. Yeah.
They fucked up. The bowl's stupid.
39.5. And I love the KFC bowl.
Mine was 44 because of the biscuit.
Yeah. I just
like... I love KFC because
I'm a savage. I got excited.
This isn't for a savage. You can't really sink your
teeth into it. This is not for a savage. This is
for someone who's like cosplaying a savage? I don't know. your teeth into this. This is not for a savage. This is for someone who's like, cosplaying a savage?
I don't know.
Who knows?
This is the security guard version.
I mean, like, here's the thing.
39.5 as a bowl, I think, is totally on the money.
Yeah, no.
If it was just the sandwich,
I think it would get a much higher score.
Yeah, because it would taste good.
Yeah, it would.
That's a good sandwich.
It's a very good sandwich. But I'm not getting
everything in every bite. It's true.
With that. It's true. So it didn't taste as
good. Yeah, again. Also greasy as shit.
When you have a bowl. I don't think the sandwich would be that greasy. When you have a
bowl to me, that means, I'm not
asking for the exact same ingredients every time
I'm diving in, but I want some sort of consistency.
Right. You can't have a bowl
of food and then just an entire
sausage patty. Exactly. You know what I mean? Exactly. And it's just like. It's a lot of sausage and then just an entire sausage patty exactly you
know what i mean and it's just like it's a lot of sausage well here's the other thing like fuck
even if you cut it up it would still be chunks like you need a blend you need goo yeah it's like
that's the gravy the gravy wasn't goo enough yeah other option if you don't want sausage
it's bacon yeah and how the fuck are you cutting that up yeah no it's just you're not you're
picking it up you taking a bite.
You're taking it out of the bowl
and eating it with your hand.
Thus,
what is the point?
Yep.
Well,
39.5 I think is,
that's all right,
but now it's time
for Snack Attack.
This is from Paige.
After being a long time listener,
I figured I would send something
for you to try.
After perusing the local Korean grocer, i found these chips not bug flavored but hopefully adventurous enough for
y'all um enjoy that we're only gonna try we'll try one of these lay's mexican chicken tomato flavor
okay because the other one is fried crab but then we also have Jeju mandarin jelly treats.
So we can try these.
Let's see. That is crab.
I'm kicking for some chicken.
This is Mexican chicken
tomato. I love the logo on it.
It's Lay's and then it's written in
Korean. I was going to guess Korean.
That's crab.
That's crab.
No, I don't want any crab.
It's not like ham.
No.
No, what is this?
Tomato and what?
Tomato chicken.
Okay.
No, I'm good.
Thank you.
Nobody wants any of this.
No one wants that.
Get out of here.
I'm definitely getting tomato.
Yeah, same.
It tastes like the ketchup chips from Canada. No one wants that. Get out of here. I'm definitely getting tomato. Yeah, same. It tastes like
the ketchup chips from Canada.
I'll say this. It reminds me of
the ketchup chips, but those are fucking disgusting,
so I'm not going to say it tastes like the ketchup chips.
These ones are a little lighter.
It's much lighter. The ketchup
chips are red. These are not red.
Ketchup chips are gross.
Okay. Stop that.
Canada's weird.
They put milk in a bag and they put ketchup on chips.
Yeah, I'm not getting chicken.
No chicken.
No chicken at all.
But as an alternative to ketchup chips, it's good.
Here's what I recommend.
In a Boston market style fashion, you go to your in-laws who love ketchup chips
and you hate them.
You take all their ketchup chips,
you dump them out,
and you replace them with these.
Ah.
And then you tell them.
They're like, ooh, they're like elevated.
They just don't really know.
They're like, something's different
about these ketchup chips.
And you're like, oh, it must be a new recipe.
But then you don't have to eat ketchup chips.
They're so sweet.
They are very sweet.
They're pretty sweet, yeah.
They're incredibly sweet.
Chicken, usually not that sweet.
Yeah, there's nothing chicken about that.
No.
That's just a little ketchup-y.
Yep.
I don't really know how to rate it as a result of that.
Before you rate, it's a joint effort.
Oh, okay.
Here are these.
This will help.
Mandarin jellies.
Ilk wing.
Are you going whole hog?
Are you doing the whole thing? I just did a bite. I did the whole wing. Are you going whole hog?
Are you doing the whole thing?
I just did a bite.
I did the whole thing.
You're going to regret that.
I'm hogging up.
I regret nothing.
Not that good.
It doesn't taste enough like anything.
Yeah, that's right.
You just get the texture of the outside of it,
and it's not the greatest.
It's like... It's a thick gummy.
It's a little sweet for a second,
and then it's, I'm just gel.
It tastes like you had a mandarin orange half an hour ago,
and then you know how it makes your hands smell?
That's how it tastes,
but not enough to be like,
wow, what an overwhelming flavor.
It's not even a whelming flavor.
It's very underwhelming.
Huh.
I'm whelmed.
It's just a thick little rectangular brick.
I think this is the definition of mid.
Oh!
Like in the middle or mid, as in bad.
We're getting lit up.
Did you see any of that stuff?
Yeah, I did.
There are people going like, wow, these guys are so fucking dumb.
Can't believe they thought mid means bad.
And then it's other people going,
mid means bad.
I mean,
mid means bad.
No,
it means middle.
And it's like,
right,
right.
Colloquially,
it means bad.
And they're like,
no,
middle,
middle,
mid means middle.
Right.
Like you understand it means bad.
Right.
That's just,
it's slang.
It's slang for bad.
Mid is an insult
it's absolutely an insult
no I didn't see that
were these bugs?
the dirty little
the dung beetles
the dung bugs
rolling around in the dirt and poop
they were arguing about
it doesn't matter we were right
so it doesn't matter also it doesn't matter, we were right,
so it doesn't matter.
Damn, dude.
Also, it doesn't matter even if we were wrong.
Yeah.
Correct.
That's the important thing
to keep in mind.
Yeah.
Because now,
we have a vocabulary
on this show specifically,
and that's what mid means.
Take that.
Mid is where the guy's standing
right now with the ball.
Correct.
And zero is the score.
The longer I get away from that jelly thing, the weirder it is.
Yeah, I agree with that.
I'm hating it more and more.
I don't know.
I don't have a problem with it, but it's too thick.
I'm going to give it a score now before it gets any lower.
I'm going 33.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm going doubles today.
I'm going to go 40.
It's fine.
It was too thick and not enough flavor.
36.5. It's fine. It was too thick and not enough flavor. 36.5.
It wasn't bad, though.
No, just definitely wasn't good.
This was worse than the chips.
I would not grab these.
No.
I would grab neither one.
No.
Thank you, Paige, for your snacks.
And if you want to send us snacks, you can.
You can send them to Face Jam Care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street.
Me.
Austin, Texas, 78723.
We'll grab your snack
and then it might be featured on the show. Might be featured on
Spit and Silly for a snack attack. Who knows?
I think we have an abundance of snacks, but
we got time. We're fine. Hey,
just so you guys know, a little bit of business. Pumpkin Spice
Rat shirt and crew neck
are on sale now and both almost
sold out. Get your hands on them.
The crew neck is the sweatshirt.
Yes.
Yes.
The crew neck sweatshirt is the best.
And it's so cozy.
It's embroidered.
It's so nice.
Grab that while it's there.
Yeah, because it's as nice as shit.
I don't think we'll probably make it again.
I would think that this will be the one and only time we do a run of this.
Right, until next week.
And you...
Until we come up with something else for the rat to do.
Until jam's giving.
Yeah.
So who knows?
Whenever we want, yeah. The menagerie shirt is rat to do. Until jam's giving. Yeah. Whenever we want.
The menagerie shirt is on sale now.
Looks like the zoo.
Love that shirt.
It is the blue shirt that has all of the animals of Face Jam on it.
There's a donkey.
There's a monkey.
There's grackle bugs.
The rats at the bottom.
I love the donkey's ass facing you.
It's very funny. I showed it to Kayla, our friend Kayla. The rats at the bottom. I love the donkey's ass facing you. It's very funny.
I showed it to Kayla, our friend Kayla.
She doesn't go here.
She said, this looks like zoo books.
And I went, oh, it does look like zoo books.
It's very cool.
It looks like the zoo.
We should do zoo pals.
Remember those?
Oh, yeah.
Little monkey, little grackle.
Hey, I don't know if you guys have seen.
Face Jam decals are out now.
We have a couple of Face Jam decals that are on the shop.
Where do they go?
What?
Where do you put them?
Where do you want to put them?
I don't know.
Give me a suggestion.
Ray's fridge.
Oh, big Ray?
Yep.
But they're not that big.
They're not that big.
Okay.
No.
They shrunk them down.
They shrunk them down, but you can also mimic Ray's face.
Can I put some on my new car?
You can.
That's cool.
You probably shouldn't.
Why?
Everyone's going to know that you're one of my heroes.
Everyone's going to know that I'm a loyal jammer.
That's all I can think is
if you have a face jam sticker on your car,
then you must be Michael.
Also, if your license plate is
wham, bam, thank you, Jim.
That's a lot of characters.
Well, I took out the vowels.
Yeah.
It just says, whoosh, whoosh.
If you want to stay up to date
with everything, you can
at Face Jam Pod on Instagram
and on Twitter, and Spittin' Silly is out
next week. You can email Face Jam Pod
at roosterteeth.com
with your food conundrums for Food Court.
We had so many food conundrums come in.
The day that we're recording this
is when Food Court comes out.
And boy, people have a lot to say.
Dude, I look away for a second
and I've got 20 new emails.
It's true.
These freaks.
I thought you unsubscribed from it.
I lied.
Oh, man. He was just trying to impress you. And it worked. Oh, man, and it worked. It worked. It's true. These freaks. I thought you unsubscribed from it. I lied. Oh, man.
He was just trying to impress you.
And it worked.
Oh, man, and it worked.
It worked.
It worked.
Hey, did you see this?
When this happened, Jordan went, oh, I definitely saw.
But then he sat back down.
Yep.
Jordan, anything else?
Just want to score a goal.
Okay, we're not going to do that.
Yeah, and you're also not even playing.
Yeah.
He's wearing the jersey though
I could be down there
Yeah
Go ahead and give us the outro
Oosa
Oosa Boosa
One two three sa
Rate and subscribe and tell a friend sa
About this show where we eat food and rate the food
What
Go USA
Goodbye Goodbye.