2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Drugs All Day | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 166

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

SPONSORS:- Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.- Go to https://ShipStation.com and use code: BEARS for your FREE 60-day trial. Happy new year and welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! They talk about surgeries, Tom translates Bert's plane conversation, and Kurt Cobain. The Jewish community reacts to Bert's Hitler cup, Bert shares a story about his wife, and the bears trade accidental smuggling stories. They describe their perfect day of drugs, discuss Bert's self awareness, and fitness. Bert then pitches Tom one of his best ideas: 2 Bears 1 Coach, where they interview coaches like Jimmy Johnson, Coach Prime and Phil Jackson. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

You start your day, I remember, coffee, cigar, all this food, you have diarrhea. Now you're done. What's the next thing you indulge in? Comparte spritz in mushrooms. I mean, I think we go to lunch, I'm going to Buffalo Wild Wings. And I'm going to Buffalo Wild Wings. 100%. Happy New Year! Guess who's got prosthetics that work?

You can't tell you. This fuck, you know, every now and then I Google myself. Yeah. And then I typed in my name and it said kidney written transplant. Like, people fucking believed it. Fucking believed it. Tarantino believed it. He was here on the podcast. Oh believed it. I thought that was all of her stone. Oh man.

Holy shit. I'm fucking out of it. I am out of it. Cheers. Cheers. It's so good to see you, man. I'm going through old school burnt stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. How old school are we talking? September? Do you remember back in the day when I'd call you and I just I wouldn't let you talk. Well, it's been a fucking you realize I used to do that to you when we weren't on air. I just call you and then you'd be like, Hey, man, I got to go. Yeah, I do realize that I remember one time calling you and you the phone had dropped out and you had lost I lost your call lost your call and I kept talking to you

for like fucking 20 minutes and no one, you weren't even on the phone. That is a story I believe. Yeah, I'm back. So I had a run of drinking. After I did my special, I was just like, I was like, I'm gonna celebrate. And then I did with these rose-lacks,

and I was fucking wasted. Yeah. What'd you drink? I'm gonna celebrate. And then I did with these Rose last night and I was fucking wasted. Yeah. What'd you drink? I don't know. I actually do not know. I do not know. I know that I was drinking in Mitzi's old office. And you fly out tonight or tomorrow?

I fly. I fly every day now and I am working from I work from fucking 6 a.m. It's the end of the day. Did podcasts yesterday? Did the roast with Whitney? Uh, smoke the joint and I got way too high. Do you find that marijuana, marijuana immediately gets you to like like,

Hey man, we're not functioning anymore like a regular human being. Uh, so I mean, I'm more of an edible guy. I took a couple the other night and I just felt like my face was melting and I loved it. I loved it because I got in bed and I was like, and I knew I wasn't going to have to wake up early the next day. So yeah, I felt like I was in a coma and that's kind of what I want to feel like every night. Really? Yeah.

Do you dream when you're on Edibles? Less. Less, yeah. Less. I really want to get to that Michael Jackson level though where I have a doctor giving me anesthesia. It's amazing how many people, because remember the first time I went in for surgery

and you're like, oh, you're gonna love it. Oh, it's the fucking best. Everyone loves it. Everyone loves it. It's the best thing they've ever had. I'm looking for surgeries. I want surgery. I want to be put under.

I got to get a colonoscopy. Oh, they put you under for that. It's fantastic. Yeah And like you you can do you can give you can get one last like Ask fucking joke out and then you're like right as they do it be like hey Both of you guys don't go into the same time Wait, all I'm gonna do is prison jokes. Yeah, hey man. Come on guys. I'll suck your with prison jokes. Yeah. Hey man, come on guys, I'll suck your... Oh.

Oh. I have to stop it. Can you imagine getting double penetrated in your ass? Oh, I was thinking in my mouth it has. Well, yeah, but what if they were both in your ass? I think if I went to prison, I'd go full blown. Double anal? I'd be like, I just would welcome it.

I think it's like taking a charge. It's like once you realize, yeah, and just figure out a way to like it. I'm actually starting to think, like could you, could you transition? Like I know that it's really complicated. You know you can't say that homosexuality is a choice or that you're born like that,

because there are both sides of the gay camps are upset with either side. Wait, you can't, you can't say, so by the way, this is based off one conversation I have with one drunk a dude on a plane. Source. Okay. So I said, I said you're born gay to the guy and he goes, no.

And I said, what? And he goes and he was like, no. He said, this is why you can't say that. Because if you can find a genetic code to finding out people were gay, then you could get rid of gay people altogether. That's what he was saying to me. I don't know, that was pretty fucking hammered.

And I said, so you're saying it's a choice. And he goes, more than I think some people are born gay, obviously. And then some people, it's what does it call it? Society versus nature versus nurture. And I was like, oh. This is an insane argument from this guy though. But it was an insane conversation about fucking plane.

Yeah. And I was like, and by the way, I was loving it. I fucking, I love people who like to take chances in a conversation. Yeah, sure. It's what. And of course, I'm like, but yeah, so that was the conversation we had about,

could you, would they get rid of the gene? If we do their drive-up, genetic cleansing is happening in Sweden, I think. I'm in Sweden right now, I think. If you're listening to something, Oslo. And you think they're doing genetic cleansing there? No, yeah, yeah, they're getting rid of like people can go in so okay, hold on. Let me start all over Let me start all over don't start going shit, Nadov So with the you get pregnant and sweeten yeah By the way, there's gonna kill my sweetest dickes. I'll You get sweeted and by the way, I cannot fucking promote Berlin. I mean Berlin like there's no fucking way

I can be like hey guys, I'm coming to Berlin. Why? Come on. What? You can't promote Berlin anyway You got pregnant you go into the doctor in Sweden. I'm almost a hundred percent certain. This is how they works Okay, the doctor goes okay Let's take a look at the baby and he takes blood from the thing. You know how you do the Down Syndrome thing? Yeah. And then people abort Down Syndrome kids. Yeah. Yeah. They do that, right?

But they don't, or they do especially in Iceland and the Netherlands. Zero. Zero. That's what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. No, you know what I'm talking about. So I'll argue my part of the point. You know what I'm talking about.

I didn't know it was talking about. They have zero Down Syndrome kids. Zero. Zero. It's because they go in, they go, You know what I'm talking about? I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you.

I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you.

I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it was talking about you. I didn't know it feel, with you, I feel, I feel them go like like that and I go I go He's saying and then they're like oh Every time I ever talk to Joe it starts over the end going the fuck and then you're like actually

Yeah, and I say and he's like oh, okay. It's like I'm your translator So they get they could do that to gay kids. If they find a gene, then they start you know, gay is so chic and cool now. That's the whole point, you know, is if you go, you are born gay, then all of a sudden, Swedish doctors, like it was 1981, they would be gone. Like if that's it, I mean, I remember there was a time,

I'm very open to, I don't, I think I mean, I remember there was a time, I'm very open to, I don't, I think I probably, I didn't never lived in a world where you could just be a little gay, right? Like when we were kids, you couldn't be on the spectrum of your sexuality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you just, now it's like, oh, sexuality is fluid.

Like, you know, it's, yeah. I would definitely wear a women's clothes. You would wear women's clothes? Yeah, like if I started right now, you know, it's, yeah. I would definitely wear a women's clothes. You would wear women's clothes? If you could, yeah, like if I started right now. You could start now. You're famous, you're successful. You can wear whatever you want. And you're a comedian.

You don't have to be like tied to any type of wardrobe. I mean, you don't even wear a shirt. And you get queer bathing if you, if you, Oh yeah, yeah. It's like, it's super complicated. Oh, that's what they, that's what they labeled hair styles as. Hair styles. Queer bathing.

Do you find them attractive? No. I don't either I don't really get it And I wonder if that means that I'm old. It's part of it's part of aging I think it's because I like fucking Jason Sudakus Oh really? I think that's my you're attracted to him. No, I think I'm I think I'm a fucking team. I'm a rider dog. Oh, I got you. Yeah Jason Sudakus. Well, yeah, I mean, he's a comic. Yeah, like what? Of course, he's gonna pick it. Cool. Yeah. He's fucking cool. He's a talented guy too. I never, never, never met him. This guy, I mean, also, I think part of aging is when you hear music

and you're like, huh? Whoa, is that Jason Sudakus? Yeah. He's an interesting dude. He's from like Missouri or something, right? I don't know his dad. He's a funny guy, but he's also a man. You feel like he would throw a punch Is that the girl? No, that's yes Olivia Wilde That's the extra him Here's the thing. I don't want to grow because it does her makeup naked in front of a mirror What do you want her to wear it, what? Like, like, she looks like, like, I never, I had a problem.

This is gonna be a long, fuck, I'm sorry. This, I have a problem with, I have a problem with women who wear too much makeup. Right. Yeah, I don't find it attractive either. I don't, I don't like it. Although I will tell you, this is gonna come off aggressive.

I like that push, where's where I live stick. Oh, okay. I like that, we have push. Yeah. I don't like that with everyone. Yeah, I mean like I I'm with you. I don't like heavy makeup though. I don't think it's a I mean unless it's a whore Then I like it a lot Then I think it looks good. The whores lipstick all over you. Yeah Like a real whore though like it's like a real tier one tier one, you know, I made out of the Hora college

You had fucking tons of lipstick and it was all over me and it turned me on. Yeah, like I was fucking in the mud Sure But actually what I find most attractive is minimal just like a little little blush little pink of his minimal. Just like a little, little blush, little pink, you know, lip stick, whatever. Do you ever see the stuff where they do the makeup transformations and then their methodics? Yeah. Like they take out their teeth and you're like, ah, ah, ah. The porn ones? Yeah. Yeah. That's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember when I, so when I first moved to LA, the first place I had by myself was on Highland going towards the 101.

Yeah, where? So if you're taking Highland North, you pass Hollywood, so you're literally about to enter the freeway. And on the right, there is an apartment complex. I know that part. I live in that apartment complex. Do you realize what you're, do you realize I lived across the street? I lived there, so I could walk to the bowl.

Yeah, I could walk to the bowl. I lived a night, 1991, 1990 Glencoe way. It was considered, see that's the right place. It was considered a vine street address, even though vine was actually tucked further back. That area is called, it's called, yeah, you're right. Yes, it's called, man yeah you're right yes it's called area I man I lived a bit early heights 99 yeah yeah yeah yeah with the heights so wait scroll the weekly market is right there do you zoom in do you go to the pizza place on the corner that that the convenience store hold on hold on hold on hold, you're screwing me up. Okay, now zoom in, put your cursor there, like in that area.

Okay, hold on, North, go up a little bit. That's the street, oh North Las Palmas, that was my address. Yeah. So it was a, and I'll scroll, now go back down and hit that building on the right, go to the right. Yeah, like, sorry, further right. Yeah. Zuman, left side of the street, last Thomas, that villa apartment.

Is that where you lived? I lived in that building. Oh, that's great. So it's, oh, 2039, North Lost Pommas. I could do an entire episode. That's right, that zero three nine North Las Palmas. I could do an entire episode. That's right. About that area of Los Angeles. Three doors down for me lived Taylor Rain.

I don't know that is. She was a porn star. Oh, I do know that is. Yeah. For real? Well, what was interesting is that at the time, I mean, I'm 23 years old. It's her.

Yep, that's how you're actually hard, remember her. Um, oh my God. Put her fist in a ass. Yeah, she is a lot. She can put, I have a hard time wiping my ass, but she can put her whole fist in a ass. She was nice, but man, it was the first time I was exposed to the fact that there was an image of somebody like this,

and then you ride the elevator with them in like T-shirt and jeans and you're like, oh, and seeing like the dramatic difference Like it was it was very dramatic the um That area so so little sidebar this isn't this is just interesting, okay That area that Whitley Whitley Heights area is where Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love bought their first house. And that house is, if I know, if I know, if I knew to buy houses the way Leandas, Leandas goes, the house is a group of houses where you have to take an elevator to get to the houses.

They're above the Hollywood Bowl. And it's sold for like one point two. Can you type in Curtin? I'm obsessed with this area because I remember Paris Hilton living in... I think Paris Hilton lived in that house. Actually, type in Kurt Cobain and Gourney loves house, Hollywood, yeah, I'm the Hollywood, yeah. It's, you gotta take an elevator to get up there.

It's a really great little fucking area. I lived all my houses. I lived over there back when I first moved to LA and I just was paying rent. Okay. One time a boat just sold in the Hollywood house. I don't know. The home is a two story. Two thousand four hundred fifty eighths, Graftford House built in 1920. But yeah, everything there is a two story. 2,458th growth foot house built in 1920.

Yeah, everything there is built in the 20s. High tower elevator association. It's part of the high tower elevator association. Okay, so all these houses, you have to take an elevator to get up to. From the street? Yeah, it's really fucking cool. Okay, you park on a cold assack. And you would have bought this house.

And then what you're saying? Like, I don't want, I don't, I don't want anything. I actually had a conversation with someone that's about to say the day, I don't want anything. What do you mean? I don't want anything. Stuff, you mean? Like stuff, I don't want, I think I got the watch I like.

That's a nice thing. Yeah, you like it, right? I got the end got that for me from my birthday. Very nice. Like, that's the one watch I kind of wanted, you know? Yeah, congratulations. By the way, I also got you a pretty cool gift for your birthday. But go on.

I gotta tell that story. You really should. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Nadav, have you heard this story? I'm not sure I have. I just read two Jews one couple. Don't worry, you gotta hear the story and the dog. So hold on.

But like something like that, I would be into. I like buying that house would be an investment because I'm such a nostalgia fan. Like I get into that stuff. You be into that house for because Cobain lived there? Probably have a Curkabane lived there. And I think he was just, the part I like about Curkabane is if you, I just watch the documentary on him again,

he was like a regular dude. Well, it's also, you realize that the older you get, the older you get, you realize you're not going to have that many times where you will see or hear or experience something where you go like, oh, this is kind of a setting the bar like life, changing culture. And most people, if you are old enough, is kind of a setting the bar, like life, like changing culture. And most people, if you are old enough,

can remember hearing Nirvana and being like, what the fuck is this? Like you felt the shift happened and then you actually watched the thing that you heard, you were like, wow, this is amazing. You watched it take on, you know, the whole, the whole world basically, you heard, you were like, wow, this is amazing. You watched it take on the whole world, basically. And also that we also remember hearing that he died and how it happened and how traumatizing

that whole thing was. When we were in Rome, me and the girls went to Italy this summer, last summer, whatever. We were staying across the street from the hotel he overdosed that, and I was obsessed with it. I was obsessed with it. Like, in a weird way, like, I kept saying, like, it's right there. Like, that's, that's, and I went over there, I walked in. What do you do, Rome? In Rome, yeah. He, oh, did in Rome, he took, I think he took, I don't know, I think he took Oxey Cotton.

God, that shit's so good. It really is. That's fucking amazing. But I really would have liked to abort that house. So I would have liked to run that house to go there. I would set up, I would, I would, I mean, it's a lot bigger than I thought it was. Actually, I thought for somebody,

I thought it was like 1200 square feet. Mm-hmm. I set up an office there and going right and just like, like fucking disappear. Like go there, set up an office there and go and write. And just like fucking disappear. Like go there, set up a gym there, go to that house and just fucking, I keep saying I wanna move to fucking Malibu. It's the shit.

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I'm ready to retire. Well, there's only so many places left in that Godforsaken city that are decent to live in now. Like this fucking landscape. Well, that place is a shit hole now Well, we got a new mayor chairline bass or something. I don't even know I didn't vote You think I vote do you want me to vote? Nobody does I played it Trump Nash, so that that's like fucking a thousand dollars on merch

They're like Before you give me the cup Like my lot of stuff Get the push up I was like it's like that's you memorabilia My brother Trump's like it Trump's like I'm gonna pass out. Yeah. I can't open, I can't open. Oh.

Oh. What'd you get? Like a bunch of just Trump here. Oh, I was fucking a dumb and I gave it to my dad and my dad is so anti-Trump and I was like, it's gonna go up shirt. He's like, I go, look, you're just sleeping. He goes, what the fuck? I got it. Oh.

I'm gonna pass out. So I like your shirt too. Thank you. Thank you. So I gotta tell the story. I'm gonna tell you as accurate as possible because I know they're listening. So obviously everyone knows Tom got me my birthday present, which was Hitler's teacup.

I gotta be honest with you, I was, like there's, you know, my brain. I definitely got nervous. So I was like, I don't remember at all receiving it. I don't remember anything. I just remember laughing as hard as I've ever laughed. Yeah. Cause I thought it was gonna be Winston Churchill's teacup.

And all the only words I heard was there's 98% chance, the furor drank. This is a go. So, so you get, obviously, you know, Hollywood is very different than what we do. Yeah. And so like Hollywood people get nervous for you and you're like, and you're like,

Pete, Pete, my assistant Pete. Yeah As everyone got nervous Pete was like it's the funniest fucking thing He goes it's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. He was like wait hold on. I don't care what everyone's saying I just watched it. I was in lobby. I watched it. It's fucking hilarious And he's like funny is funny. Yeah, and I was like oh yeah Yeah, yeah, cuz that's where my brain is You're also thinking like but Los Angeles. It's and there's a you know Kanye can't shut his fucking mouth. Yeah. And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause that's where my brain is. But you're also thinking like, but Los Angeles. It's, and there's, you know, Kanye Kishot is fucking mouth.

Yeah, it's a real, yeah. Cool time right now. That looks like, looks like. I'm gonna be a Berlin. Okay. Okay. So, so, so you can take it down. So I'm drive my little sister,

Cody wants a skateboard for her son, Teddy. So I have extra skateboards, so I throw it on my electric bike, and I start to ride it over, and my electric bike isn't fully charged, and it dies by my house in front of a synagogue. So I turn around. And as I'm driving back, I'm peddling this electric bike.

And now it's going slow as shit, because it's electric bike. And it's maybe going like four miles, two miles an hour. I see a Jewish family, Orthodox Jewish family, walking towards me. And I'm like, hey, or I didn't say anything. I was just like, I was like, oh, they're in the bike lane. And then he kind of steps out of the bike lane. I go, hey, thank you so much.

And he's like, yeah, of course. He's like, hey, man, I love you, man. And I was like, oh, thanks. He's a guy in like traditional. Traditional, the curls and the hat, like everything. A whole family there. And he's like, I love you, man. I was like, oh, thanks.

He goes, no, man, I love what you do. Keep doing what you do. And now I'm kind of passing him. And I go, oh, thanks. We're in front of a synagogue. And he goes, fucking hithers, T-Cup was the funniest fucking thing in the world. And I'm like, oh, my God.

I was like, by the way, I didn't even put the two and two together. So I'm like, holy shit. So I go, I text you immediately, I text you. I get my bike back to my house, I still take the skateboard back. So I get my car, I get in the ants car, I put the skateboard in the back, I start driving the same route,

it's the same route as get my sister's house. I'm in front of the same synagogue, everyone's going to temple. And another Orthodox Jewish family is crossing the street, but I'm at the light. It's kind of blinking. They're looking to see if they should cross and the guy looks at me and I see him look at me and I kind of nod and he does the, I like, I love you like the, like to me and I go, oh, I gave him a thumbs up, right? I legit went, okay, because I'm everything and I feel like a dork.

And then he looks at me and he goes, and walks across the street. I was even crazier is I hung out with my neighbor. My neighbor is from Israel. And he was, I was with my dad. I think I told you this too, right? Yeah. I was with my dad. My dad will not find Hitler's T cup funny.

He definitely will not find the nuance in that. But what the fuck in fuck? My father cleared out God damn it. He's spilling the bitches on Norm. Like, so he goes my neighbor, Mike, shout out to Mike, the coolest fucking neighbor you can ever have, right? Yeah.

He has parties, he has those parties like, like 40 fucking deep. Everyone, whole family. So if I ever hear him party, I go over and have a drink. So I go over and have a drink. And he's like,

I'm gonna do a bad impression of Mike. If you're Mikey, listen to this, I'm sorry. He's like, bro. Bro. Bro, you're blowing up in the synagogues Like what he's like going viral, but I I'm like my age But he's not an internet guy so I don't make him knows what that I don't I think I'm assuming the terminology is just a tab it off Yeah, and he's like

This the night before all this happened he goes no bro, and then his son comes in like a son knows terminology, he's like dude two bears one cave, I'm like okay all right all right wrap it up and my dad goes oh yeah the cool aid thing and he goes and Mike's like no and I'm like I'm like I'm like all right everybody out of here everybody out of here dad let's go let's go before we're sitting and luckily my dad thought he was having a heart attack and we had to take him home but yeah it's already got to 157. And he almost passed out. I was like, Mike, we're not drinking tequila. But, yeah, man, it's, that was the...

What's your theory on why, is like kind of back to what Peter said that just they're like, it's just funny. It's a funny beat, it's a funny moment. I mean, look, I'm not asking for anything to go viral. I'm just saying, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking, probably anything to go viral. I'm just saying, yeah, I'm thinking, I think probably you're at synagogue

and there is a lot of shit going anti-Semitic shit going around and that's gotta be the top of conversation. And I think probably the clip came up and like have you seen this? I think very earnestly and I'm almost certain that any dude despite the religion that is like us, our age with kids and likes to hang out with the family and have a good time at party,

I think they fucking laughed at it. And I think they were just like, it's fucking funny. I bet there was probably some kind of like shady person going, have you seen this? And then I would have loved to bend at that moment where like a bunch of Orthodox Jewish men were like, wait, what is this? Oh shit. He got him his fucking pickup.

Like, that was my take away. But it was, I'm done with it. Like I don't, like the second I got those two guys to say that. And the whole thing was like my, or one of our best friends, we have a group of friends called the campers. I called him when he got it and the best part of that whole thing was he laughed and then he goes, I really wish that wasn't my reaction.

That's the beauty of comedy. It's the Georgia part. You know, I said this when I took Georgia on fully loaded. She did not want to laugh as Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis is such a fucking, he's one of us. He's like me and you growing up, like an athlete, a ball buster, a fucking bro, loves to fucking drink beers.

And Georgia, that energy is not Georgia's energy. She did not want to like shangilus at all, at all. And the first night she saw him, he's doing his, you know, whatever, I don't wanna whittle it down to say Trump stuff, but he's talking about Trump. And Georgia loved him. And by the end of the week, he had a rapport with Georgia where he could go up and he could want up to her and Daisy and was like, uh, you guys sneak a beer.

They're like, no, he goes, you do your sneak a beer. You don't tell me, I'm not gonna tell you that. They're like, no. And he's like, oh, you do you don't tell me. Oh, I'm not gonna tell you that They're like no, and he's like oh, yes smoke smoke weed smoke always dig a beer So you like and you and you can wrap your head around that shingle of saying that to George Yeah, yeah with his hands up like this. We can't quite you can tell me you've been doing and George the lean service Yeah, we've been sneaking beers and he goes cool. Sit down next to me. Maybe he goes George's drink of beers Oh my God, dude. Well, yeah, you're doing all right? That would be a rough second show.

Yeah. I got to, I got to, it's the anxiety the part is the part I don't like about it. Anxiety of what? When I drink. Oh. And I, man, this is what you said way back when we had a month off of drinking, you said I have zero anxiety. I have so much anxiety.

Do you think you kind of missed the anxiety when it's gone? Because it's what's normal to you? I tell you what I miss, I miss the deflating the anxiety. When you have a drink and the anxiety goes away, you're like, we're back. We're back. It's an interesting thing. When you have no anxiety, you just don't notice it's around. But when you... I remember doing this going to this guy's place in New York. And he was a big, big pot dude, right? He smoked like, and he had like a, I don't know,

sometimes apparatus where it was like, I don't know, some like glass thing and he was like, I had the apparatus where it was like, I don't know, something like glass thing and he was like, press this and then it heats it and then, you know, so it's not burning the weed and then it's like cleaner and it was like, it's something elaborate thing and he had all like high end, like high grade weed, right? And so he pulled out one of them, he was like, oh, this one's amazing and I did a pool of it

and I got so high but I was like, oh, this one's amazing. And I did a pool of it and I got so high, but I was paranoid, anxious. And I hated it because I got, it was too full of anxiety. So I went and the next day, he was like, oh, do you wanna take a pool off of this again? And I was like, no, dude, no, I would go, that was horrible.

I got way too high and I was paranoid and I was like full of anxiety, no, I would go, that was horrible. I got way too high and I was paranoid and I was like full of anxiety. And I hate that, I go, so you don't experience that. And he was like, oh no, I do. And he goes, I kind of like it. I like working my, like I like feeling that anxious. And when I'm not feeling it, I get like fired up to feel it again.

And I was like, hold, that's where we're different. Cause to me, I was like, I never want to feel like that. Broding loves that. And he was like, I like, really? Yeah, he loves it. He loves the anxiety. He loves the panic, the panic makes him, I can be his fucking.

He likes the, I think the panic's the worst part. Yeah, yeah. He likes it. He loves it. I mean, look, I'm putting words in Joe in the largest media platform, Smalth right now. I don't mean to mean, look, I'm putting words in Joe in the largest media platforms mouth right now I don't mean to but like I'm saying as a friend. He's always talked about Uh eating too much adables and getting in the deprivation and feeling a little panic

I think it makes him I think his brain likes the fight or flight because he decides to fight right Right. And I don't. I play panic. I flight. I flight so fucking hard. Panic is just a is a life ruiner. Oh, it sucks. And for me, like, so I'll tell you, I woke up this morning thinking I actually said this. I was like, I was so high in drunk last night. Yeah. Oh, fuckingly. And it's adorable. What happened? Oh fucking Lee Ann is adorable. What happened? Is she took you there? Can I show you a picture? Sure.

This is why I love my wife. Look, everyone knows I shit on my wife nonstop. But if you don't shit on your wife, then you don't fucking love your wife again. I'm so tired of like in the comments. I'm not running on read comments, but I know that I've heard like people say like, I don't read comments, I do not read comments.

I do, I read other people's comments I did today. But, but I remember people, someone says something about like, hey man, you talk a lot about porn stars and cheating on your wife. I have a hard time believing you're faithful or something and I was like, oh, you're not married. You don't know what it's like to be married and to be like, I'm committed to this person

for the rest of my life So I'm gonna I'm gonna send you a picture of okay, how How Lee Ann dress last night. Oh, tell me Instagram you can find my Instagram stories. Can you go on my Instagram stories and stuff? And so hang on so the whole thing Tom was like show up his white trash Yeah, and so everyone dressed as like sexy white trash people And this is how Leandressed and this made me love her so much. Look at her ready. This is me. I just wore a denim tuxedo. Okay. No shirt. Yeah This fucking nerd She wore that she goes man. She was so self-conscious

Like she everyone dressed as red necks but like kind of cool sexy red necks, right? Yeah. And then Leand dressed in a house dress with curlers in her hair. And she dressed like someone in her family. Like, legit. She dressed like her granny.

I'm not even fucking around. Usually in, because they grew up in a trailer. Right, in Georgia. Yeah, so she was so self-conscious. Well, yeah. But, and that is why I love her is because of that. Is this pre-ear post-drinking? And this is looking pre, but it seems like he'll look rough.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm fucking looking blue. I'm playing like that. He'll look absolutely fucking hammerhead. I held it together for my special and then I let it go. I, I, I'm telling you, she, that person who dresses up, who really takes the assignment literal.

Yeah, that's what you love. That's what I love about her and I couldn't explain it to her. I didn't know how to switch it off. I couldn't explain to her, like I didn't want you dressing up as a hot red neck. Like you are a red neck, you are a hot red neck. Like I need you to dress. Like when she dressed like that, she came out and she goes, how do I look?

And I went horrible, which is what's fucking hilarious. Like you don't give a fuck. Right. I thought I was talking about Medusa fucking her while she slept, because you can fuck those little hair curlers, put your dick in them. And she thought that was funny. Which crazy, she took her hair,

she took the curlers out. Yeah. You loved it. Oh my God. She had fucking like curls, curls. Oh God, I don't know, that's the, God, she put on so much makeup for this too. And she got so excited.

And then when everyone dressed as hot red necks, she was so self-conscious. She's like, do I look stupid? And I was like, no, this is why I love you. This is like, you can't explain to someone the thing I love about you is your vulnerability. You know, like just so hard to explain. I don't want you to be the fucking coolest person

in the bar. I didn't marry that fucking person. I don't want to fucking do that day. The chick the bar. I didn't marry that fucking person. I don't want a fucking, dude, I dated chicks that would look over your shoulder when they talk to you. You can just be like, what was to do with that human? Yeah, well, it reminds me of you. And he's like, no, I've never looked over your fucking shoulder ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

Even when Judd Apital was over at your shoulder. And I remember that time. And it was hard to look at you in the eyes because he was walking to you to talk to you. And I was like Judd Apatow, I said, I don't know, I said, I don't know. And he's like, hey man, this is a big fan. And I was like, Judd Apatow knows who you are.

What was this? I'm trying to remember. I can't believe. I remember life moments for you that you don't remember yourself. I mean, I just remind you, no problem. Greenroom, the comedy store, Judd Apto asked if he could watch your special before it was airing on Netflix.

I remember that now. Yeah. Okay, that was a few, that was, I mean, that was the number of years ago. And so, well, you're an Australia right now, if you're listening to this. I'm about to go.

I'm about to go. I'm going in like 10 days. You're probably already sold out. The, but if you're not, go to TomSgr.com. Slash tour. Slash tour. I'll be there in April, maybe. Yeah, maybe.

The, maybe, maybe not. Maybe not. Well, I shouldn't say that all loud. So. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

I hope you, I hope you cancel. I can't oh, I'm deaf. Oh my god I'm definitely not canceling not the way you fucking did Australian dirty. Well, it's kind of I'll go I'll go I'm a writer di Australia. You fucking bear you just said I might not be there. I'll be there I'll be there and less a more important thing comes up. And if it does, we'll figure it out now. Okay. So I go to Bali. I brought a thing, this is a Gars.

And I go out to my back and I go, I'm just having a plastic bag. They were my backpack. And I was like, oh, I wonder what's the car when I'm flimmin' through it. And I go, oh, I have few joints in here. And I said, Leanne, I go, I brought a joint. I'm gonna probably join out here. She goes, her eyes light up, like there's

someone behind me. She goes, it is the most illegal thing to do is bring drugs in here. And I'm like, huh? Yeah, you're in Indonesia. I'm in Indonesia. And I brought marijuana into Bali oblivious, oblivious. And then I was like, oh fuck, man, I've had panic about that so much that I almost buy new backpacks when I go abroad to go, I just, I know there's nothing in there.

Yeah, yeah. It's the dumbest, one of the dumbest things I've done when I was in college and I was in Spain. You brought drugs? No, no. I bought weed all the time in Madrid. That was no big deal. That was all the time. Yeah. I bought weed in Lima.

That was fucking crazy as shit. But the craziest thing I did that was so stupid was when I was in Tunisia, I decided that I wanted some weed. So I'm in a Muslim country and I'm just like, yeah, I'm like, I want weed and I fucking got a hold of something that didn't really smoke some weed. So I'm in a Muslim country and I'm just like, yeah, I'm like, hey, I want weed. And I fucking got a hold of something that didn't really smoke like weed. But I later was like, that was fucking,

it's just so high risk that I could be buying it from the wrong person. That's the thing is that I wanna, I wanna, like, because there is a period when you're young where the risk doesn't seem that bad. You know, you're not calculating it. Of course, you're not calculating. And I'm just like, you know, I think I give the person

like $40 and they give me like a goddamn ounce of something. And I'm like, what is this? We went to Mexico one time. We, a guy gave us a Frisbee full of marijuana. Like, he just put marijuana in a Frisbee and then gave us the Frisbee. And we were like, well, no bag. And he was like, here. And we were like, well, no bag and he's like

And we're like, okay You think about that. I think about snorting coke. I snorted coke not a lot, but enough where I Looked now I prayed a god my daughter's never snort coke. Not with what was going on in fentanyl Yeah, are we just pussy so? Yeah. Are we just pussy so? Yes. I mean like the fuck it's like. I mean look it's what I dream about the most.

I wish I could get into hardcore drugs and really live that life day in and day out. But we have too many responsibilities and like you said the fentanyl thing but. The fentanyl thing but is that like is like... Can we get the thing that like cops have where they can test it right away? Oh yeah, we do that for... I have friends like, oh, this is a bunch of parties. It's got fentanyl, this doesn't, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, some guys I know

were at a bachelor party and they were getting coke. And Mark Norman's like, Hey, we should probably test this. I'm joking, I can say that because everyone knows Mark doesn't do coke you know annoying you be a coke Hey No, but who are the big coke guys and stand up in stand up. F**k.

No, it doesn't. Just bleep his name out and everyone will think it's Neil Brennan. Leave his name in. Box. It's on Netflix right now. Yeah, check out Neil's new special on blocks. Coke's kind of gone away. I don't think as many people do it as they used to.

I think it's got to go. Molly's the thing everyone does. Molly? Yeah, because they're like, oh, it's a... Mollies, the thing, everyone does. Mollie? Yeah, because they're like, oh, it's Molly, it's cool. Yeah. It's fun and every, I mean, people that don't do drugs do Molly. Right, or psychedelic,

psychedelic, we come very popular, which is, I mean, it's not a hardcore drug, like, but like, I'm telling you, narcotics, that's where the fun's at. That is... Ooh. If you're ready to step up the fun in your life, it's all about narcotics.

I had, I mean like, like be honest, so no death involved, right? Yeah, but like, walk me through your day, like in a Hunter S Thompson kind of like, walk me through your day. If I, no, no repercussions, just hey, tomorrow you're gonna feel 100% But give me the day you want to have and how do you work that day?

Okay, and then let's let's remember you're waking a little you wake up a little hungover And this day doesn't count so tomorrow you'll be 100% fine So you can do whatever you want to get you through the day. I want to hear all drugs on our products How do you get yourself through the day? Okay? That's a very cool question and I think what I would do is wake up Bloody Mary. Oh, yeah, baby. I fucking love this already and I'm smoking a cigar. Oh, yeah I'm smoking a cigarette. Yeah, you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then I'm gonna have I'm gonna have whiskey

I'm gonna have a whiskey and I'm gonna I'm gonna have whiskey. I'm gonna have a whiskey. I'm gonna stay boozy just a little bit. Not like, I'm not falling over, but just, you know, I got a good, you got your dancing in there. I love this. This is my morning. And then I'm gonna pop a couple of oxies, I think, to, yeah, because I love that buzz, man. I miss it.

That's what I miss the most about getting injured. And then, I'm gonna take that's gonna take me into lunch. Yeah. And I think. What do you gonna have for lunch? I would do all of it. Okay. Well, I think I would do a late breakfast lunch. You know what I really would like to have? A couple of fat fucking fresh from the farm sausages with a couple fried eggs cooked over medium, some toast, and maybe a... I'm talking about the whole region. And then ice coffee, you know, like get a little Kathy in me.

You're yourself out. Even myself out a little bit. Then I think after that would be probably the first joint. I think a joint would be a nice thing to have after that lunch. Another, I have a cigar, a post-lunch cigar. Oh. And then I think it's time for the afternoon

to get into some more fun stuff. So I think that's when I bring in the nurses and get some dilated injected right into my the side of my neck and maybe have another cocktail after that. It's gonna knock me out. I mean I'm gonna be out for a nap after that. But then in the evening I think we're doing definitely. I'm gonna wake up from that probably around like six. Okay. And so you have not had're talking. I'm gonna wake up from that probably around like six. Okay. And so you have not had dinner yet.

So we're not having dinner. Oh, it's gonna be a steak. I mean, it's gonna be a steak hard. It takes a day. New York strip, meeting rare. Give me some like a mashed potatoes with that. Do you know how great that's after all those. I'm gonna order a side of,

I wanna do my own, keep going. Lops your mac and cheese. Keep going. And then, I didn't bring the dog. Yeah, let's have some wine with dinner. Oh yeah. And then to take me home, like to wine down the evening, I really wanna ramp up the narcotics.

You know, like I really, I mean, I would like to get some morphine or something in that family. And so, yeah. Just, you know, maybe put a movie on, maybe have another cigar. And I want a cigar right now. Yeah. And I want, uh, then like some crazy indica too, like some melt your face shit. Yeah Well, I can I can work it backwards. I can tell you my date ends with his annex. Oh, how can I forget her my day's gonna end with a Xana she's my absolute fate. We're talking though like two milligrams, right? Oh, yeah, and you can't die. Yeah, yeah, yeah Like I'm definitely taking a Xanax and I'm making food while I'm on the Xanax like I'm like walking around I remember one time I remember one time, I remember one time

being so fucked up and drinking and taking his antics. Could I totally feel just based on you guys? Yeah. When you don't, I mix the next the other day with something that they tell you not to mix it with. Yeah. Ah. I was so fucking high.

I had a teacher, a nurse, not a no doctor, I'm so fucking high. I had a teacher, not a doctor, I had a doctor one time. You prescribed me Xanax, not knowing that I'd already taken Xanax and go, I was fined to Europe, she goes, take one of these, you have a fair fly and take one of these. I went really, she goes, have a couple glasses of wine and I was like, Drs. Waters. I got so fucked up on the paper. I would end, I'm ending my night with his annex.

That's like my, I mean, that's the favorite. If you could like, yeah, dude, drugs are the best. If you have cheat codes that you can go like, you can go, hating the dog, I really do. Can I get some more ice? Is there any, not in unidol? I think there's a bottle out there, isn't there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's for bottle ice. No, no, but he ice someone bring ice if you like You give me the glass so so I did Hey, we Google the dog. Will you Google he's getting your ice right now? Oh, oh Dog to do it. It's fine. He'll be right back. Um, I did Winston Churchill Hills day one day Yeah, I remember that you love it right right? So much fucking. When is that? I don't know. I was gonna have him grow up. I'll have a grand and a nice. I'm way better at this than he is. So yeah, okay. Um, the

April 9th. Oh, no, no, no, I do it in January the day died. Oh, I do it the day died in January. Okay. From... Hey, you have a 24th. That's what we did. I'll be doing it. In Europe? We've been in London. You don't think I'm doing in London.

Are you fucking shitting me? I'll be in Amsterdam. It's not a bad day to do it. Not a bad day to do it. And that's what you did the full experience like. So I did it. It was one of the funnets in the dog. Thank you so much.

I'm sorry, that's me. Give it to me. I'll give it to him. Thank you, buddy. Thank you. Hey, the dog. I need to apologize to you. What?

Don't let me forget to tell you the thing I'm thinking. Because I don't like when you talk to me like an employee, but I talk to you like an employee all the time Can confirm yeah, and so I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't like when you do it to me, but I do it to you constantly Yeah, it's okay, but I still love you. I know I love you too. That was a nice moment Yeah, that's what I want to talk to you about Yeah, and but then you didn't you also tell me you're gonna I was like I do this on non-stop to Nidav.

I do this to everyone, I do this to everyone. I just start, give me ice, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it. Yeah. I think I'm a fucking soft narcissist. But you have, you have something though that a lot of people don't who are in that wheelhouse. Herpes?

No. Well, you have that too, but start that rumor. Yeah, let's get that, because you can work with herpes, kidney disease. Everyone thinks I'm canceling my dates. Go ahead. Is that you always get to a point, well, not always, but sometimes you get to a point where you actually have self-awareness. So I don't know how it happens to you, but you go like, you know what?

And that's actually, should be applauded. My dad, my dad gave it to me. He just always, recently, earned my whole life. He gave me, he always told me I was wrong. So I had to sit and figure out why I was wrong a lot. And I think if you do that enough when you're young, I think number one, you don't take huge political stances. That's why I never bit, can talk about politics on podcasts.

I always feel like I'm wrong. But you're also very self-correcting. That's what Leanne used to say about me when we first started dating. She was like, I love that you're self-correcting. I'm good at I'm good at going, I feel this way. Why do I feel this way? How do I fix this? Let's also take a look at ourselves. Let's go back to drinking and drugs the so I'm actually not that bad of a guy when you think about it. My funeral is gonna be so fucking awesome if my roast is that fun really My funeral gonna be great. You want people to like really get hammered at your funeral though, right? Yeah, yeah, I'm comparing to Judaism before I do it. So it's like a

Schmidt what's it called? What do you guys do Shiva shiver? Shits So shiver I went on a whole shiver. So you hold it right? Yeah, it's like a seven day. It's like a wake at seven days before the actual funeral Yeah, baby we'll do it on a cruise ship. You think you're gonna live long though? Yeah, you do yeah seven days before the actual funeral. Very well. Yeah, baby, we'll do it on a cruise ship. You think you're gonna live long though? Yeah. You do. Yeah.

I think I'm gonna teach you. I think something's happening. What do you mean? I've stayed sober more, but I know you didn't see it right now, but my brain has changed a tad bit in behaviors. Behaviors I used to green light very quickly. My brain now goes, what the fuck are we doing?

Like what kind of stuff? Like, like, Mrs. Gareth's sound, like it doesn't make sense, but drinking before today's flight. So I did not feel good. I know that a drink would have made me feel better, but I said, do not do that. Let's load up with water. And let's take a nap.

I took a nap at the airport before the flight, fly that I passed out. And then on the plane, I said to Pete, when we got on the plane, I said, I think a drink would knock me out and I need to be knocked out because I on the plane, I said, I think a drink would knock me out, and I need to be knocked out, because I have not slept. I didn't sleep. And Pete's like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. And so I ordered the drink, and then the lady gave it to me, and I went, I don't want it.

I'm not gonna drink it. I'm not drinking it. Like, I don't want it. I don't need it. I don't need it. I'm not nervous. Yeah. Sometimes I would drink because my brain would go, you're nervous.

But I wasn't really nervous, but my brain would go like, well, come on, man, you know, we're talking about we're good, we're good, it gives a fine, no one's watching. And by drinking today, it doesn't matter, but, but, but I think things are changing, I think, I think things are changing. I don't know, I like, I hear, you know, I listen to you know, I still listen a lot of Rogan, and I hear about when he was talking about the rock, about how unhealthy it is for the rock carry around that much weight. I was like, that doesn't make any sense. And then all of a sudden I'm like,

I have way as much as the rock. You know, way as much as the rock. I definitely was much more. He weighs like 265. I'm not as much right now, but I'm me and the rock. I definitely was. He weighs like two sixty five. I'm not as much right now, but I'm me and the rocker. Two sixty were were roughly the same saw. It's. You're the same age. No. Yeah. I think we have so much in common me in the rock. Yeah. I was thinking the same thing. I love when he goes off his, whoa.

Yeah, look at that. Look at that. That is pretty wild. He is. He is in, he is fucking jack. You know what we're doing right now? What? We're doing five push ups, five burpees and five squats every day.

And every day in the summer. Just five. Every day in the summer, we increase it by five. Oh. So right now, Oh, I got you. Today I have to do 40 burpees, 40 squats and 40 squats. That's great, man.

That's great. Yeah, yeah. But I'm, I feel like I'm in, when I drink, it's funny, man, I look, you know, whoop has been a sponsor of this podcast, but I gotta be really honest. And this sounds like a read, and I know it does, but the truth is, the fricking insights for my whoop about my resting heart rate are alarming.

Oh yeah, especially when you start checking them every day because you get, you get taught, like the first thing I do is I open that app in the morning because I always want to see what my sleep was like. Yeah, 70% today. And I did not sleep at all last night. It's tequila. Tequila.

Yeah, keep going. And by the way, I had not talked about my hard partying, we close on that keep going. We, you get married to certain metrics, like the ones that really just resonate with you. And so the sleep one, the HRV, your heart rate, and then seeing what you do in workouts today, I did it an hour on the Peloton bike.

And I usually do 45. And it was so much. Who do you use? Who's your trainer? Sean, you know Sean. No. Sean Nick's, you've met him many times. I told you, no, no, no, no, I met on Peloton.

Oh. Do you do like, do you, do you, does there's one girl? There's one girl that I, I now follow her on Instagram. Yeah. And I do, I don't have enough of Peloton, but I love the way she talks. I love her. And I'm thinking about getting a, Stacy, my producer Stacy just got a Peloton and she, I love those bikes.

I, I might get one just because I like this chick. She's so fucking... Which one? I love a bad motherfucker. Yeah, who is she? Peloton, she's like viral on Instagram. Okay. It's such a burnt way of explaining someone.

This is like when I was talking to you on the call. Blond check, Blond keep going, keep going. I do it alley sometimes, by the way, I do alley sometimes. No, keep going. I don't see her yet, I'll see her. Is it, no. No, she's like got like a curly kind of throw it around here.

Oh, I know who it is. I know who it is. I don't say anything. Okay. Don't say it. Okay, don't say keep going We might I gotta find out no, no, cuz I haven't seen her yet. I know I think I know who it is and I'm trying to Say who it is as I see her name No No, no, no, no, this isn't everybody who's a

Bike trainer get get bike trainers only That cuz that's tread and bike Wait, wait, go back down is it Kendall is it Kendall go go go go on the right side Is it Kendall I think go go on the right side. Is it Kendall? I think it might be. Go to her. It's Kendall. Is that who it is? Go down. Look, is that her? I think it might be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think it might be I guess look up Kendall on Instagram she does it's like man, there's she's got great energy. She's like great great positive

Kind of tool. It's tool. It's tool. Okay. That's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah She's got great fucking energy This who they scroll scroll scroll, scroll, scroll. Scroll. I think I'm on her fan page to be honest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, she's good coach. She's good coach. Dude, this, because I'm a coachable dude, I like, I love coaches. Yeah. I love coaches. I love, can I tell you a sidebar thing we should do? Yeah, sure.

Getting the coaching? No. But I think you're gonna like this. Okay. Soft pair. Soft pitch. I'm falling in the hammer. You ready?

Yeah. You ready? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce our newest venture. Our newest venture. Okay. You're gonna fucking love this. Okay.

It's called Two Bears One Coach. We sit down with college coaches, professional coaches, and we interview them about kind of like the way Rogan interviews goggins in those guys. Yeah. And we sit down with all these coaches. We do like, take like a month out of the summer where all these guys are off, and we bang them out.

We do a bunch of them. By the way, what is more exciting than Deon Sanders coaching at Colorado? That's what made me think of it. That's what made me fucking think of it. That's what made me fucking think of it. I understand. It's the greatest coach prime. Did you see him get off the jet with the welcome bag? Yeah, but like, yes. And I think people are going to honestly underestimate what this guy could do there. That game, like college football, really is predicated on the players you can get. Yeah. Like there's there's there's programs that you just you cannot compete if you don't have the top to your guys. Dude, I would put my money on him closing on a recruit 100 out of

a hundred times. If you told me, Sabin's going in there, Myers going in there, Kelly, like whoever you got and then you're like, and then Deon's going to go in that house. I'd be like, my money's on Deon every single time. We sit down every week. The side project is shot differently. We sit down every week, we'll release a new interview with a college coach. We don't have to get everyone. We get Saban, we get quiet, we can be definitely a Dion.

We can do it. I had Dion on a podcast, so I would love to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had him on a... Tom Tox. Oh yeah, yeah. We get, but what we do is we... You always say Tom Tox.

Tom Tox. But we sit down with them because I love, Jimmy Johnson is my big, great white shark. That might not go well with me. Why? He blocked me. You were such a frustrating business partner. I insinuated.

I insinuated because I thought it was true. I'll say that. So I said it was true. I'll say that. Okay. So I said it was allegedly and I wasn't sure. There was a video of a man that looked like him getting his ass eaten and fingered by a younger girl and I said, coach is this you and he blocked me. Jimmy Johnson. Yeah.

Jimmy Johnson has the best quotes Coaching I love me as a coach and I coach coach coaching quote. We fixed it man. This is why we have our coach Two bears one coach. We sit down with these great coaches and we basically all we want is coaching from them meaning meaning like I don't want to know your history. I don't know when I'm your past I want to know the greatest lessons you learn from your great coaches. Yeah, the greatest lessons you learn in life It's a it's a Ted talk and he's phenomenal Jimmy Johnson is phenomenal I wanna know the greatest lessons you learned from your great coaches. Yeah. The greatest lessons you learned in life. It's a TED talk. And he's phenomenal. Jimmy Joshin is phenomenal.

Yeah, dude, I'm obsessed with great coaches. The Peloton, I thought it was him, man. It was laying on his, he was on all fours. And he, he, Why would it be him, Tom? I don't know. My great white shark, you just fucking harpooned. I don't.

We get we believe that it's not you. I'm sorry. We're sorry and we'll get prime. Damn it. Michael Irving to talk. Get us in. Oh, Lauren.

Lauren. Yeah. The I just love the insight coaches have. Hahaha. Tom, this is so much, you so soft pitch that. Well, I was pretty accurate. Yeah. Well, you actually, I'm, I was still congratulating him on his induction into the Hall of Fame.

He doesn't want his media. He what? He doesn't want his social media. Only we can get past that. You think so? Yeah, but that's what we do. We do two bears, one coach. We sit down with great college coaches. I love it. I love it. Yeah, and we, and all we want, the thing I love when you watch like, like NFL does, NFL Network does. Football life. And they did one on Jimmy Johnson. It's so fucking good. He played at, where is it Arkansas or Oklahoma? I think.

Where did Jimmy Johnson play football? I wanna say it's one of those schools. Maybe he played at Oklahoma. Am I wrong about that? Arkansas, I was right. But the quotes he has in there, if you're watching it, you're like, God damn it man, these quotes are fucking,

but those, I think he was what layers coach too, which is fun. He was the one who was like, there's coaches that are in the top 10 coaches for the first 10 episodes, top 10 coaches, Bobby Knight. Oh my God, that would be great. Yeah, yeah, Bobby Knight.

Yeah, who else are we getting? Well, we definitely want to get primon again. I mean, we got to talk to him. He's, the thing about him is that, this sounds so, so crazy to say. It's not real statement, but it's real. Yeah. I'm so proud of him because I grew up in Florida and he was my guy as an offensive

and I watched him blow up to watch his career get to where he is right now, which is so hard. So many players don't get to coach high level programs like that. I'm so excited for him. I mean, maybe that's it. I'm excited for him. Yeah, it's exciting. I'm really, I'm breaking my heart that my goddamn daughter didn't go to fucking University of Colorado.

Dude, make her transfer. Yeah. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills.

You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills.

You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. You pay the fucking bills. winning like I would love to talk with Shashesky because Oh, oh, like that career has been crazy. And type in the talk 10 coaches. Look how he's spelled Shashesky. Good luck. I would say I want to talk to Lane Kiffin because I think his story is fascinating.

Oh, they're fun. You know, we're famous enough when you get these people. Maybe, I don't know. He's also like, he's been through some shit, but it's also, he's fun. And I, and he's, and he has a really fascinating career story. Yeah. Um, I would have been like, link is, they in Kevin has three word message for his old misplairs after I'll be able to game. Let's see it. Let's see what it is. Click that. Yeah.

What is it is? Click that. Yeah. On crushing loss, it was not long ago. Let's see. What is it? It shouldn't be a long article. It's just three words. Despite following 30, 24. Okay. Scroll. I don't give a shit how many words we had.

Yars we had or how many points of score at the head coach that we came to win. And we didn't. Today we are O and one. Okay, that was what he said. Okay. Type in top 10 coaches. In what split? No, I don't, by the way, I don't need it to be football. I just want a great coach.

Yeah, I got you. I love. And by the way, I really think that's like a TED talk. How fun would it be to talk to Phil Jackson? Can I tell you this is where my idea started? I'm so sorry. Yeah. My idea started right here with Phil Jackson.

I swear to God, I swear to God. So I'm watching, okay. This is how this idea came about. So I'm watching, we can talk to Baloch, I can go. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he's a good quarterback. So I'm watching a thing on Jordan,

and he's talking about Phil Jackson, and everyone's talking about Phil Jackson. And I thought to myself, how much would it cost to have Phil Jackson, like David Goggins did with Jesse, uh, uh, uh, uh, Setsur, Switzer, Setsur? Oh, I don't know what that's all that. Who? Jesse. His name is Jesse.

He's married to the fucking, the Chick from Spanx. But he had David Goggins living them for a month, a Navy seal, right? And it changed his life, transformed his life. I was like, I wonder how much of a car does that fill Jackson with me for a month? I love that you a lot. Yeah, it would be way more than I can afford. Well, you can't afford it, but it would be like a real fucking,

but would it, I'd have to accept it, right? I'd have to accept it, I'd have to take it in. And then I was like, what if I just did a podcast with full Jackson, I go, well, I'm not a good listener. I'm not, like, I like, like, but if I'm with you, I can hear things differently. So I can pay attention, definitely if you're around. But like, if it's just me and Phil Jackson,

I'm gonna tell him a fucking machine story. I mean, because that's the way my brain works, you know that though. Yeah. Is that my brain is like, I'm so, I want to make everyone happy, I want to make everyone pleased. And so if there's a tension in the thing, so then I was like, I was like, what if Tom and I did it?

And we sat down with coach. That'd be fun. So we got Phil Jackson. Here's our goals, everyone. If you could tag them in this and then Phil Jackson. Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson, Jimmy Johnson, hardcore. Trying to.

He's got to forgive us. I mean, yeah. Okay. It was prime, Bobby Knight. I'd want to talk to Mike Tomlin. I think that would be a fun one to talk to. Oh, fuck, yeah. That's just like legacy story being like a third coach

in like 70 years for one organization. I think that would be fascinating to talk to. What about I would like to talk I would really like to talk to fucking I can't say I can't even whittle it down because it's gonna sound bad but Dominican coach baseball coach. Oh my god. I'm so sorry never mind. Okay, but like but like I while coach, oh my God, I'm so sorry, never mind. Okay, but like, I'm thinking of a guy and I can't say his name right now, but he's coaches in major leagues. But I wanna know coaching from like in the Latin American

countries, all right. To that, because that would be cool. Soccer coach would be cool. Oh yeah, like Pep, what's that guy's name, Pep, right? Is that the guy that coached at Barcelona? Yeah. What's his name? Pep, what?

I'm forgetting his last name. Yeah, there he is. That dude. Yeah. Yeah. Because the thing they can do, the thing that this podcast will offer, we release it on, when do you release your mom's house?

It's every Wednesday. We were the stars on Sunday. Hmm, release it on when do you really release your mom's house? It's every Wednesday. We were the stars on Sunday. Hmm. We release it on Sundays. We release on Sundays. And this is basically it's a, it's a motivational speech for your week. For your week. Okay, your week.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it a lot. To coach. Coach. Coach, Pat put them down and we find these places. We hang up with the coach. We do. I mean, it's gotta be, like, here's the thing.

Coaches are weird, so they're gonna be like, all right, how much time do you have this? We need to get to know them a little bit. Oh, you gotta put Saban on there. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. We should do dead coaches, too. Oh, they're not as fun to talk to.

Yeah, but I would love to talk to like fucking Coach Papa, which is down the street. He's in San Antonio. No to. Yeah. Yeah, but I would love to talk to like fucking coach pop of it just is down the street. He's in San Antonio. No way. Yeah. For real. Greg pop of it. Yeah, he's been with the spurs for like 50 fucking years. Yeah. All right, we got 10 coaches. So we're not sure, but okay, do it.

I said we line it up. Do it over the summer. Nidav, get them all booked by tomorrow. You got it. Let me end this podcast with my, your day, my day of zero consequences. Because I'm working it backwards, but I'm also including in the fact that when I did the, was it Churchill challenge or whatever, it was the fun to stay in my life.

It was so fun. You really had fun with it. I remember that and Liam brought you with a breakfast and the cigar and the room and all that stuff. She bought all the, let me ask you this. You had Xanix to end the day. Right before it, are you having dinner? Like what's your dinner?

Oh no, it's Coke. Oh okay. Yeah, Xanix has got me off the Coke. Okay, so before that, are you your dinner? Oh no, it's coke. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm doing the xanis is get me off the coke. Okay, so before that are you having dinner? Yeah, what's your dinner? What's gonna be so? I have mushrooms at some point my my dad. I think it's early morning. I think around 10 a.m. I'm gonna do it. I fucked up. I should have had some psychedelics. Yeah, some psychedelics early in the morning. Yeah So we I want to make sure I'm book ending this with Xanax. Coke, Coke is right before the Xanax.

But it's like high pitch, I'm at a bar, my shirt's off. I'm standing behind the bar, I can't shut the fuck up. And I'm not on any Irish car problems. Yeah. And I'm a dinner we have steak and wine, and a great wine, conyct end, nice dinner, right? So that's that part of the day.

Yeah. Let's go back to the beginning of the day. The beginning of the day starts with a scotch. Starts with a scotch, a cigar. I'm going straight Winston Churchill, couple coffee, two eggs, a Sunday side up, bacon, toast, jam, some sausages. And that's how we start the better. For your toast.

Oh fuck, I actually might go vegimite too, to be dead honest. Yeah, cause I really do love, vegimites might treat to myself. I don't get it all the time, cause I should have also worked in a croissant somewhere in the day. It's such a great, we say treat.

That's what I think about Hmm Chris answers like a flaky buttery perfect croissant. What's better than that? I'm throwing one in my back. There's nothing better than a croissant like a hot croissant They're so fucking good. I know I have two places here in town. Are you serious? Yeah. Took me a while to find them, but they know when I'm coming, get me 45 croissants.

Oh my God. Croissants? I remember when I got introduced to croissants. I remember the first time I got a croissant, I was like, what the fuck is this? I remember getting into chocolate croissants. I remember, and croissant witches. Or having a burger king. Feeling like when you have breakfast sandwich

for years, just on toast, and then one day somebody's like, here's this croissant with all that shit in it, and you're like, what are you, a slut? Like, what are you doing to me? Chrisons are game changers. They redefine everything. And there's shit, there's a thing, there's shit versions. There's bad ones.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but that makes the good ones stand out more. You know, there's dry ones or just like, you know, you can tell the ones that are just kind of love crazy quickly. I love Chrisons. Yeah, I love Chris thoughts. I can't believe I mean like I don't know why I can I wouldn't mind learn how to make Chris. Oh, I've tried this. I want them to look like that though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. I'm actually I'm not kidding you right now. My penis grew like a little bit, just when you pulled that image up.

It's so beautiful. It is. Dude, Frank, Kee. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey.

So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey.

So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. So Lakey. clogging your arteries. They're not scared of sauces and it's covering things in buffet. You watch like a real French chef and he's like, okay, so take a stick of butter and you're like, I'm sorry, what? He's like, put a stick of butter in this. The whole thing. I'm putting a horizontal my breakfast. Yeah. Okay. I actually might fucking... Okay, so you finished this. I'm finishing with the Xanax and Coke, but I'm starting. No, no, no, but you start your day, I remember, coffee, cigar, all this food, you have diarrhea,

now you're done and you're, what's the next thing you indulge in? Well, at like 10 a.m., so that's gonna be like seven, eight. Okay, and it's gonna be a couple whiskeys, a couple scotches, and then at 10 a.m. I'm gonna go Compari spritz and mushrooms wow Yeah, compari spritz and mushrooms and and that's gonna and then compari spritz are gonna be like pretty all pretty heavily on

Okay until and for like the next two to three hours And I think I mean I think we go to lunch. I'm going to Buffalo, wow wings and I'm gonna Buffalo, wow wings I'm gonna Buffalo, I'm gonna do the Buffalo, wow wings challenge All mushrooms and I'm fucking putting backpissures the beer to Sunday, right? So I'm watching football Fucking awesome and I'm fucking putting backpaisers to be here to Sunday, right? So I'm watching football. It's fucking awesome. I can see how you're totally there. You know you're just escaped in there.

And then I'm taking, and then I'm taking a vikin' in. I'm gonna take a vikin' in. I don't think I'm gonna overdose. Good. Yeah. Fucking call. You're gonna vikin' in? That's another good one.

Vikin' in, and I'm gonna stop Bio. Bike it in and I'm gonna stop by a weed store and I'm gonna go get a blunt from El Bluntos. Okay. El Bluntos Bluntos are like a gram of weed and you smoke them like a cigar. Yeah. And I'm gonna smoke that on a bike it in, coming off mushrooms after doing the Buffalo Wild Ways Challenge.

And I'm gonna be, I'm gonna go to a park. I'm gonna go to a park. I don't need any alcohol at this point. I'm gonna actually drink water. I'm gonna drink water. I'm gonna drink water. I'm gonna drink water. Yeah.

And I'm gonna call Leanne and I go, hey, how'd you like a nice steak dinner? She's like, where have you been? I go, do not worry about that. Let's have a nice steak dinner. She goes, okay. Leanne and I are gonna go back. I'm gonna go back to the house and I'm gonna come home. And I'm gonna be pretty fucked up. Leanne's gonna go, how about a signature cocktail? And I go, what? She goes, this girl's right here. Let's go into the hot tub.

Me and you, signature cocktail. And we're gonna have like a fucking mojito. A mojito to write our boats. Yeah. Have a mojito. She's gonna go in to get the shower and that. And that's, she's gonnajito to write our boats. Yeah. Have a mojito. She's gonna go into get the shower and that's a lot Tommy a lot and it's clean and I'm fucking fire

not. Leanne's gonna come out of the shower naked naked and I'm gonna go close your eyes open your mouth. Molly, Molly, we're back in. I'm doing coke. She's on Molly. No, I'm doing coke. Go to a steakhouse. We start having a wine. I'm fucking having a great time. And at the point when I start yelling out crazy shit,

like I could fight a cougar. Yeah. Fucking that's when I take a sandwich. That's a perfect day. Xanax and they go through your cars here. Yeah, I guess in the car. And we're driving over. It's annex and they go through your cars here. Yeah, it's my car. And we're driving over the hills, we're driving over Maholand and everything's starting to fade away.

Yeah. And I'm like, hey, do you want to watch the new Jennifer Aniston Reese Witherspoon TV show? And then you're like, uh, I'm going to sleep listening to a podcast. Dude, you killed it. Anytime there's anything like this involving drugs and alcohol, you always do a good job. I think I think about a lot. Yeah I think you do too because your answers were really well like you could

tell you could tell you were like retelling a dream where I was like I don't know yeah you were like this is it. All right we got to run. I love you. Thank you for watching. I love you. Thank you for watching. I love you. Talk to you guys later. Bye. Bird time. Time and bird. One goes top and swath the other.

Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds. The machine. There's not a chance and hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call. Two bears one cave. No scripts to bet a booze amateur. Protology.

Dirty jokes. Ranchie humor. No apologies. Here's what we call. So, what we call. No scripts to be the booze amateur, Fatology, dirty jokes, Rancho Humber, no apologies. Here's what we call two bears one cave.