2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 71 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: March 8, 2021

SPONSORS: - Head to https://Policygenius.com right now to get started. When it comes to insurance, it’s nice to get it right. - Go to https://www.shipstation.com , click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in CAVE for a 60-day free trial. - Go to https://BearbottomClothing.com and use code BEARS to get free shipping on your first order Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer talk about Bert's obsession with candy and predictable repeated tooth loss, the unnerving images of "My Feet Are Killing Me," and get inspiration for their secret handshake from a video of Wake Forest football player, Cortez Lewis. They also discuss experiences they had with comedy legend Patrice O'Neal. And finally they call up Justin Martindale to resolve the age old question, "Who's hotter? Bert or Tim Dillon?"

Can we get Cortez Lewis to create a handshake for us? That's what we need. We need to reach out to Cortez and be like, yo, give us a secret to Bears handshake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's you on Twitter. Hey Cortez Lewis, me and Tom Zagora. Love you. Love you.

Cut. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Please don't send that. 100% Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Bears 1 Cave.

My name is Bert Kreyser and this? I'm Tom Segura. We won't apologize for last week's episode. We should have never attached Matt Damon and Ben Affleck to anything you've ever done. Right. To a show without their approval first. Or it was it was immediately purchased. We want to apologize to everyone. And let's be clear when we say we we mean Bert.

I, by the way, I'm I'm holding onto that. Yeah, guys, listen. Yeah, man. You know, so funny is I immediately as soon soon as I did it, I thought to myself, I have actually been attached to shows that have been sold. And I was like, yeah, the only reason I was sold is because I attached myself. Because you were attaching me without asking me. Right.

And that's exactly what we did to them. We did not, again, we did not. We really dropped the ball. Yeah, and that's what's beautiful about having a partner. You, you, you, you. When you have a partner, you guys can share the blame, share the shortcomings, and then celebrate the successes together, you guys can share the blame, share the shortcomings, and then

celebrate the successes together, shout out to Jennifer Aniston, still big plans in the makings. We don't want to tip that too much, but the ball is rolling and I think there's one too many. You think if I was missing a tooth, right? Yes. That I would lose weight. How much do you weigh? No idea. I stop. Can I tell you what I'm doing? I'm weighing myself backwards now. How does that work? I stand on this

go backwards so I can't see it. Who sees it? Nobody. You just go through the process. Goes into my phone. Do you want to see how much I weigh? Yeah. Okay. I don't say it out loud. I'm going to show it to you. This is this morning, I weighed myself backwards. Okay. Okay, I'm gonna come up. I've not looked. Okay.

But my body feels good. Like my arms feel jacked. You look good. I probably gained a ton of muscle and muscles have ruined the fat. So, but this was my, I don't know what it is. Okay. Now, if it's below 240, I will be very happy.

If it's above 240, I'm gonna be very sad. Okay. Here, here, just take it. These are all my weights. Okay. Fuck. Two, four, two, two, 42. Don't you mean to tell you or no?

No, no, no, let's play a game with it. Okay. Okay. The thing you just told me about whether you're happy or sad is very relevant to this. Why? Well, you said you'd be very happy if you're happy or sad is very relevant to this. Why? Well, you said you'd be very happy if you're below weight and sad if you aren't. So I think you should kind of be like, sad?

No, no, just kind of like on the line. I'm 240. Yeah. Fucking cunt. I'm fucking 240. I'm a busy. I'm drinking a bottle of wine a night now. That does no effect, but I'm not eating. So I had this tooth. I'm fucking 240 I'm I'm I'm bubusting my ass. I am drinking a bottle of wine at night now. That does no effect

But I'm not eating so I had this tooth. I'm exactly what's great. How's my body? It's my body fat percentage Do you have tissues What do you think it is all demos? 35% yeah demos What do you think 35% yeah? I don't even I might as well look at the weight. Can I say something yeah, please gaining weight. I mean How do you gain weight well Whatever you're doing's working

You know what's crazy though. Well, do you know much that way? No, I don't want to know Two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and two and Maybe, maybe parts. Baby parts, then yeah. I'm getting a lot of muscle. I'm getting a lot of muscle. Like I'm squatting a lot. The cool thing is that, am I an OB, can I get vaccinated? Am I still in the obesity? Massively obese? No.

You're not that bad, man. I mean, I look fucking, you look good. I don't know. Look, you look good, man. It's a lot of muscle, I think. It's mainly muscle. Mainly muscle. And my legs are my My waist I'll tell you my measurements because I always measure my body and that's all I judge and I have it up in the eating

Well, let me rephrase that so I've lost the tooth twice to Candies I lost three This is the best ultimately it's four times this tooth has come out of my mouth in your life No, in the last month this to so a year ago one

Year ago if anyone follows my Instagram stories I woke up in the middle of the night very beginning of the pandemic before I think before we knew to wear masks Okay, like that's how we're gonna love the pandemic. That would have been like early March, right? Yeah. For a second we could march. And I had a route, I had a route connect, not route, now what's it called?

An abscess. And it was so fucking painful that I went in and I just started getting ambedsawed and just pouring it into this hole in this tooth. God damn dude. It was the most pain I've ever been in with a tooth. I mean, I thought at first I thought, could this be like a brain tumor?

It was so, I first thought it was sinuses. So I was like, oh, it's an impacted sinus. And I was like, push and it was just so painful. And then I went to the dentist and my dentist said, he was like, I gotta be honest with you. This is gonna be a fucking, oh, a huge overtaking, undertaking. And I was like, why?

And he's like, because, and I'll explain it, this is as best I can. So my jaw, I'm sure there are people like this. My jaw doesn't bite like this. Fucking shit. It doesn't bite like this. My jaw bites like this Okay, so the back of your but my back molars hit hit first Yeah, and so what they've done or what they should have done was at a young age

But they didn't know to do this back then they should have just broken my jaw and then reset my jaw Because it's my jaw, okay, and so but they didn't do that What they did was like, well, let's see what we can do now. And then when you're 50, you'll have to deal with this. I remember them saying that. I'm 48 and it's fucking coming to Roost. Like I remember that day.

They really knew their predictions. They were like, man, when you're like a man, you'll have to do this. And then they done it, it's winked and he was like, or maybe you'll die before them. And you never have to deal with it. That's what they tell kids. It'll never be a problem kid.

You'll die. Listen, man, you're living fast and loose. I wouldn't think it's going to be an issue for you. Cool. I don't know a lot of adult birds. And so, so, I mean, to the point when they put, so, all my, like, 26 of my teeth, I think to the point when they put, so, all my, like, 26 of my teeth, I think of 32 teeth, 26 of my teeth are crowned.

So I hit them out with the baseball bat when I was 11, which added to all the problems. And then when they crown them, they crown them at the size of my jaw. So it's like crescendoing bigger for the molars. And then, and then what happened is, sounds terrible. It is so painful. And I've ground my wisdom teeth down to nothing.

Do your siblings have dental issues? Yeah, yeah, everyone does. Everyone does. And Georgia and I will have dental issues. So it's all hereditary. It's hereditary. Yeah. And so with Georgia and I will, they just fix their jaws.

They didn't have to break them. They could put retainers in them and different things they just fixed their jaws. They didn't have to break them. They could put retainers in them and different things to shift around their jaws. It was like, they're fine. They're fine, yeah, they're totally fine. And so I got this tooth and he looked at it and he was like, I don't know how I'm gonna get teeth on there.

Because they're so ground down from fucking my lifetime of use that it is gum. It is another tooth and gum man So wait, what's the solution? He's like I'm gonna have to have a laser guy come in here and laser off a bunch of your gums So that we can get to tooth so I can put a crown on the tooth Oh my god immediately I just I went back to that first NS. I was like well, maybe I'll die Hopefully I'll die. Yeah, and then I want to deal with this because I definitely don't want to deal with this So then what I started doing was I put that first NS I was like well, maybe I'll die. Hopefully I'll die Yeah, and then I want to do with this because I definitely don't want to do this So then what I started doing was I put it off. I was like I'm gonna do with it like I got it

I got a crown on I got the root canal and they filled it and I was like perfect I'm done and they were like listen That's a temporary root canal go and get a crown on that immediately you need you need to get a crown on that that happen in March I went back in October root canal, go and get a crown on that immediately. You need to get a crown on that. That happened at March. I went back in October and was like, called him and I was like, hey, I never got a crown on that. Oh my God, wait, I didn't even go back

for the second root canal, does it? He did a temporary root canal. I was like, you need to come back. We need to, right now it's filled with medicine. We got to pack it and fill it. And I was like, yeah, sure. You just need to go back? Four months later, I was like, yo, I haven and fill it. And I was like, get sure. You just didn't go back? Four months later, I was like, yo, I haven't come back.

And he was like, what the fuck? And he was like, I said like, you know, weak. And I was like, yeah, I gotta put it off. I've been on tour and he's like, it's a pandemic. And I go, I know. People are like, what made you want to get back on stage? So quick, I was like, so I didn't have to go back to the dentist.

She's in it. So I went back and he was like, all right, this is amazing. I can't believe that this isn't fucking completely fucked up. Yeah. He was like, there's no problem whatsoever. I'll just fill it, but he said, listen to me. You need to go immediately and get this fucking filled

and get a crown on it. And I was like, sure, sure, sure. Now the two months go by and I was like, I'm not gonna deal with it. And then when we went to do, this is when it started. When we, the day we were doing the Warren Saap thing, I bit into a candy bar out here. And I cracked the filling.

And I was like, motherfucker. The day we were doing. Warren Saap, like, super bowl. Super bowl Sunday? Super, like, yeah, right around that. I cracked the filling. What did you crack it on? Uh, it was, it was the day it was the day Warren showed up.

Came in and we shot promos. Okay. On a kind bar I cracked the filling and then eight fucking in and out with a cracked filling and didn't even realize it. Yeah, in the middle of the day I'm going, I still taste in and out. You're hurting me right now, man. So bad.

So I call the dentist and he goes, come on over, I'll fill it up again fills it up again I cracked that feeling right with what with just fucking another candy bar I just can't stop eating candy bars peanuts just anything so then he goes he goes listen you need to get a temporary crown on this he was stop eating you're you're you're fucking killing yourself you need to get a temporary crown this. So I can't stop eating candy. And so he goes, I go get a temporary crown.

And he was like, he was like, awesome. He's like, listen, be very careful with this. I was like, done deal. I fucking open a bottle of wine one night. And Leanne has some for the first time. So now I have had half a bottle of wine. I'm like, okay, you can either open another bottle of wine or eat a butterfingers.

So I'm like, I'm gonna eat a butterfingers. So you eat a butterfingers and all of a sudden, I go to get, you know, butterfingers, it's all on your teeth. Yeah. I go to go like this and it just pops off and like mother fucker. So I call him.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, I know what you said, did not eat. So he's like, hey, he's like, come back in, I'll put it on. So I go get it put on yesterday. Yesterday I go to the dentist and he puts on the crowd back on and he goes, hey, we've said, take it easy on this tooth. You're like, just chew on one side of your face. Like don't go over here. Yeah.

And I go, I go, hey, listen, I got you. And then his other lady goes, his assistant goes, just stick to the wine, don't eat the butter fingers. And I was like, good call. So last night I did a podcast with Tom Papa. We have a bottle of wine. I get done, I haven't eaten, because I had a butter fingers the night before,

I had no tooth on it. So I haven't eaten yet. So there's like some toffee and next thing you know, fucking tooth comes off again. I call him this morning and he's like, I'm not putting it back on. He's like, this is ridiculous, man. He's like, you're in here every other day for this tooth.

He goes, stop. If you maybe if you don't, maybe if you don't have a tooth on it, you won't fucking eat shit that pulls it off. Yeah. So... This sounds like such a fucking nightmare. What are you eating?

oatmeal. On the right side. Yeah. I can see you looted the weight already. It's fucking insane. I can't help it. I just I like I know Who thinks about when you have teeth on who thinks about slowing down? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hearts for Valentine's Day that are like this big You're like why can't I lose weight Quit drinking and I just murder candy. Oh no wait you didn't quit drinking you say draint of bottle wine last I have a bottle Jesus

Oh Jesus Christ man, so wait, so what's the what wait, what's the resolution? Like what's the final stop here? What are you gonna do? Like don't you, isn't there like a day where he's like, hey I'm gonna fix it? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So Tuesday I'm getting a gold crown on it. Why gold?

Because gold's thinner than ceramics, ceramics are thicker and a ceramic won't fit my mouth cause it needs to be super Then like super small To fit in the back it really fucking sucks. It really sucks And it's changed the way my bite is like my jaw because the toothy had put in was extra big And so I have one tooth touching I got And so part of me was like almost like eating on that side to push it down. Yeah, and I don't know. And so part of me was like,

I almost like eating on that side to push it down. Yeah. And it's been such a fucking, and it just bums me out. Like where I'm going. That bums me out to hear about, I'm sorry man. It was, but thank God I'm, I like, I, I, I really honestly,

this, I have talked, talked about this before, but look at you and push as people that have a problem and just take care of it and just go like, oh yeah, I have a problem with my tooth, I'm going to the dentist tomorrow. And I just don't, I go, oh I have a problem and just take care of it, and just go like, oh yeah, I have a problem with my tooth, I'm going to the dentist tomorrow. And I just don't. I go, oh, I have a problem with my tooth. We all are prone sometimes to do that.

It's just about delaying dealing with something, you know? Yeah, that's my whole life. Yeah, yeah. But everybody knows doing that, you know? It sucks. What else do you put off that you should be dealing with? Everything. Everything.

My weight loss? I'm being myself backwards. Like, yeah. I mean, when do you look at it then to find out? Like, where are you at? I'm just, when I'm skinny, I'll take a look. I didn't go, wow, I was 240 that day. Yeah.

You do that, you're not carrying it poorly. I'm, you know what it is, I'm running better than I've ever run. I'm running hard as fuck. Like I, this morning I got up. That's what's crazy is like, I'm not, like, I'm living, I'm fully living, like I'm not holding back on anything right now. Wake up at 6, 30 in the morning. Mm-hmm.

Get on my news, go in, make coffee, fuck around with the an, you know, bus balls, take her and visit mine, put it on my dick a little bit when she's not looking. Just think maybe a little hint of dick and she'll come on and be like, I don't want to suck dick all day. Yeah.

And so, it's a little original thought. Nice flirtatious lesson for the fellas out there. Yeah. Get on the treadmill, and I pounded it today. I mean, I was in, I was feeling, I'm feeling so strong on the, it's because I'm working out, yeah, is that I'm running so strong.

I really think what's gonna happen is, I'm gonna hit a window window and all of a sudden, I'm waiting, just gonna shoot it off me. Yeah, that sounds like a guy that is kind of delusional. No. Like you're just gonna... I wonder how many people, I wonder how many people... Is there a website where you can gambit people

that you'll lose weight? Like put money on it. Oh, that's what you need, huh? A challenge like that motivation. Somebody telling you, you can't fucking do it, man. That's what you want. I take that back. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this.

Do you remember when Reagan offered me money to lose weight? What was it? What was it like to get down to like 205? To get to 205 and stay there for a year. What did he offer you? 100 grand. And I said pass. Ha!

You got something in there? Yeah. I was fucking... Oh, because I was like, I was like, I don't, I'd have to get to 185 to make it fun. For me, because then I, you gotta have nice where you get fucked up and eat pizza. Right. And then I don't want to be 185, because my I, you gotta have nice where you get fucked up and eat pizza. Right. And then I don't wanna be 185, because my head's just look huge on my body.

He looks so sick. I would look just disgusting at 185. That one I say sick, I don't mean cool sick. I mean terminal, like 185. I would not. Yeah. I bet I wake up tomorrow, probably 235. You'll just wake up like that?

Yeah, well I ran five and a half miles this morning. Just had a fast, fucking fast. So fast. 56 minutes. Okay. That's fast for me because I walk the first one. How long? How far?

Five and a half miles. Five and a half miles. So 10 minute miles is, I go, I average under 10 minute mile, like an 8 minute mile when I'm running hard. Dude, hard. I go, I'm telling you, I love doing this. There's this guy on active. If you're looking for a weight loss,

I'm maybe shouldn't be the guy talking about weight loss. But if you're looking for like a fun app to get on a treadmill to, it's active. Two A's, A-A-P-T-I-V. You said A-A. What do I say? A-A-P. Oh, two A's?

Two A's, active. I think. Yeah, is that it? Active. Go to a keem. a two a's okay. I think yeah, is that it active? Go to a keen a keen's my guy that you got all I do you It's a subscription what and what is it get what do you get for the subscription? I'll tell you The new you in 30 days audio and visual okay so it 240 you fucking kidding me so I was thinking 237 I was definitely thinking 237 I don't be crazy though I mean I think congratulations on your daily streak if you go out of town

I've completed a hundred treadmill workouts this year to what if you go out of town, like coming up, you leave town for a while and you come back and I'm 205. Don't that motivate you? No, I think I'm going to be really sad. Why? Because I'll be like, because then I'm definitely the fat friend. Like I was always the, what people, what maybe people that are new fans don't understand yeah is the absolute irony of our fat shaming oh like they don't

understand the absolute irony and and and it's it's it's an interesting little Easter egg if you're a podcast fan and you and your your mom's house fan because a lot of people didn't even realize it at the time Tom started fat shaming me he was overweight and starting to lose weight What was the fact you ever worked who's 75 268 268? Yeah, that's the most I ever saw in a scale to been there by the way Oh, yeah recently I'll tell you exactly what I was I read my fucking weight loss

What are my friends from high school just told me he was 315 And I was like holy shit man. Hey, did you did that fucking shit? Makes me sad what my stupid fat body so Let's see here we go the day no the heaviest I was the heaviest I've been ever was the day you hurt yourself really? Yeah, that's the heaviest you've ever been yep 257 Wow, remember 30th Wow 277 and so

I'm 17 pounds down. I was that was a 250 seven is when I shot Stone Cold Steve Austin and there is a video of me and I look so bloated like my face is just a circle. Well, how did you get like, when you look back? When I played you in tennis, 257. Yeah, you look like shit that. I looked and you fucking, horrific, terrible. But wait, was that, oh yeah, that's right,

because you like I did Steve Austin the day before. Yeah. But that wasn't November. I was still, that's a part of my fantasy I've ever been. But what got you, like when you fall in, you falling was, No, no, no,'ve ever been but what got you like when you fall you falling was No, no, no, what got you to two fifty seven? touring touring and drinking yeah booze booze is the for me It just slows down my metabolism to the point and then it's like an extra thousand calories at the end of the night

Where you just like getting it like day after crossing all processing all night? So like I was doing I was just doing things totally wrong and know, so funny is so many times Joe told me I was, and I just kind of was like, yes, he doesn't know anything about intermittent fasting. He told you, he told me he goes, you're not intermittent fasting if you're drinking, because the intermittent fasting is where your body is not processing alcohol all evening.

Right, right. It's just water. You can have water. I was like, I don't know, Joe. Right. I really wish I'd listen to people more because I think people we all do About each other or just me no, we always you would listen to people more. I don't listen to fucking anybody Oh, we know I wonder if that's a problem I like that you're tilting your head now, too, because I don't want it to get over there

But I can't bite on that tooth. It's just a little peg. Are you tracking for your 2,000 miles? Are you on point for that? Oh shit. 12 miles behind. That's not bad. Oh my track.

But yeah, but I'm, that's what sucks is like, I'm feel healthier shit. Like I'm running hard and fast. Today I ran a mile. Don't you think this is all related to, I mean like any of the struggle of the weight itself is just related to diet? And just 100% diet.

100% diet. And like, like, if you're doing all the activities you're doing and just eat clean, you're fine. Trifective meals is sending me meals. And so I'm eating trifectas, and I'm pissing the motor, and I'm like, how come I'm not losing weight?

I'm tracking my calories. And then I go, are you counting the candy bars in the wine and I go Well, no, I'm a man calories are like what you eat I was like I just in my head. I can't imagine that wine puts on weight meaning like you go I understand it's calories, but like I go the food that goes in my body right right right yeah There you go. What's that a butter finger butter finger that's the one that's not the one eight that's number one eight yeah come on go ahead do it the fucking what what what are the time is your bar what about the bar king size there you see the bar king size yeah where's the fun the the no no yeah down down down down that there you go there you go, there you go. Wow. That's 500 calories, one trifecta meal.

And then that's a little bonus after the trifecta meal right there. Oh my God, that's one whole trifecta meal is one butter finger. How many butter fingers do you eat? With teeth? Yeah, when you have teeth. I'm falling apartment.

You're doing fine. I feel like I'm the happiest I've ever been. You're doing fine, man. I'm no teeth and You're doing fine. I feel like I'm the happiest I've ever been. You're doing fine, man. I'm no teeth and you're finding weight. What was I gonna, oh, I was gonna explain. Let's do this. Let's see, let's see just how my, here we go. All right, my body fat percentage, 35.

Yeah, that's been lower. Muscle mass, oh, my muscle mass is up to me. Oh, wow. My muscle mass is It normally. Oh, that's not a huge jump. That's all right 61% okay Bone mass has been pretty consistent. I guess I'm not getting new bones Water. Oh, that's the other thing. I'm drinking a dick load of fucking water a couple diet coke, too I've been putting down some DCs How much water are you drinking? Galen. That's great. Yeah, I go through a I have a box of liquid death a day

Jesus is so easy to it's snow cool. They just look with death. I just look with death And it's the way I drink it that just go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go I'll go with the box of liquid depth just open it up. It's stuff is good. I like I love it And I put the the the celtzer ones in the fridge. I fucking love it. Here's what I'm thinking I've been thinking about this a lot. Oh my god. Oh Fucking my feet are killing me my feet are killing me my feet are killing me You're not saying that about your feet. You're saying the show, right? The T.S.E. show I tried to watch this show and I almost fucking threw up do not go to Bradley shaper I can't I'm on a new thing. We're all want to talk positive about everyone dr. Brad Is all over here is he watching? No not in here. Will you grab my shake? Thanks

Dr. Ebony is Is a gangster, okay? Dr. Brad and I'm just saying this is a fan of the show. Every surgery he does, he's like, oh fuck, we're losing blood to the leg. Oh god, good, yeah. He does that. Dr. Brad, every surgery he does, like wait. I don't know if it's the people who are writing the show.

Yeah. But he seems every surgery he does, he's like, I don't know. You know what, I want to know, like how, thanks very much. Thank you. I want to know, healthy, Bert. I want to know like how, thanks very much. Thank you. I want to know, healthy, Bert. I want to know. You just got McDonald's milkshake in the mill today.

McDonald's. Is it cold? McDonald's. What is it? This is the protein shake from now. So that's your meal for the day? No, it's just a meal right now. I had breakfast, this is my second thing.

So you're eating five meals a day? Uh, four, usually. Well, four plus, like, uh I also have a protein bar later. Yeah. I'm trying to hit like 200 grams protein a day. You have me too. Maybe I should start doing a shake. Anyway.

How does the guy, anybody, don't you want, aren't you always interested in the doctor? Why they chose that particular field like how did he choose this? Why he was just brilliant and realized that fucking playing with people's feet is awesome. I don't think so so type in I I could do this. There's a guy they bring on. I, by the way, I've Googled this on my... You ready? I'm gonna tell you what it's called. What is the... How come my YouTube searches aren't coming? Oh, they fucking reset on my path. So this guy had excessive calluses on his feet. guy had excessive calluses on his feet.

Can you tell you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh man. So this is going to be fucking no, no, no, no, hold on, hold on, hold on. One second. So hang on, hang on, hang on. Okay, there we go. Diagnosis with the so these get this guy type in calluses. My feet are killing me. Calluses on feet.

My feet are killing me Calis is on feet my feet are killing me or something. Yeah This guy oh Fuck me my dick got hard from this okay go to go to the it's I think that it was dr. Brad Go to my feet are the YouTube page go to the YouTube page with dr. Brett. No, that's not, it's the same episode. That's the same episode though, that guy that had the toes. Go to the, with Dr. Brad, that's Dr. Ebony. This guy had excessive calluses on his feet. This guy you excited?

This guy here? This guy, this guy, this guy, like lobster balls. Okay got a lobster for hands, but it was this episode. I got you. Can you find an episode breakdown and see if you can find it in the dog? This guy had excessive calluses on his feet.

I was like, what were you excited about? I have so much information on my head. He had to shave off his callus, his office feet, and it was aggressive. It's the same disease that, do you remember the tree man? Yeah. His same disease. Okay.

And go back, go back. What about like there, the greater that? Eight. No, no, no. Okay. Callus is under foot, my feet are killing him. Sebastian. It's Sebastian. It's Sebastian. His name's Sebastian. Okay, Sebastian. There you go This Tom okay, just fucking listen this Speed and I and it made me love this kid for being as vulnerable as he was to talk about his condition because this condition isn't

That's right, Dr. Ebony did it. Okay. I was so... You can bloop, bloop, bloop if you want. Okay. Okay. Sebastian. Oh my God.

I love it. Can I tell you one thing real quick? When I remember I watched the Tree Man doc. Don't move, don't move, don't move, keep that up. What they ended up discovering was that they could give him an injection of something, because at first people try shaving everything. They're like, if we give you this injection, whatever, I don't know the medical term, but whatever. It's an autoimmune disease. Right, so they're like, if we give you this injection, whatever, I don't know the medical term,

but whatever. It's an autoimmune disease. Right, so they're like this, whatever we is in this injection that I don't recall, will actually counteract the growth and the stuff will fall off. And ultimately the guy was like, I don't want it. He liked being.

Because he can make money with the attraction, basically. Yeah. Like he liked being the circus act. I have to be very clear when I watch this, my heart breaks for Sebastian, meaning I can't imagine living with this disease. It would be, it's got to be tough in his girlfriends, a fucking dime because she fucking can live with like she's can see past it, you know, but it is, you, it's, it just go back to the video. I watch this and I, I'm, it's not even,

I don't even know what it is. It's a dopamine rush. When I watch this and they're shaving his feet, I'm like, I don't know where my brain is, but it goes, it's the same thing with Dr. Pimplepopper. I'm just like obsessed with it. And then I start, go back to that video, if you could, Nadov, I Googled Epidermamaicoblation or whatever,

Firmafada, honey. I Googled it, and then I couldn't even find anything as good as what they put on my feeder killing me. This is unreal, bro. Dude, wait, you see what she cuts. Okay, go. Let's go. Oh my God.

Just go to the blue, blue, blue, blue, go to the get the scroll, scroll, scroll. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right there. His check is a fucking awesome check. That's him. Yeah, this poor guy's got a fucking lip at this and then by the way She says it's it's like kind of life threatening. It's not like a yeah, it's not like like a just a and he's got him on his hands Oh, they don't even show it. She cuts them all off. She cuts them all off And then says you know, you need to apply this cream and then that'll help kind of slow it Dude, I watched this and I'm like, oh my god. Now, here's the interesting thing.

So I'm on a huge deep dive of whatever that skin disease is. And then the other dude on the thing has lobster toes. Like it's, it's, uh, he's got like this, right? Those are his feet and his hands. So they go, I hope it's still up on my thing. I could not. I can't watch this show. So they say, yeah, this guy. And so they, what they got it is they put, they put his feet in these impression molds to make him shoes so that it's comfortable. Oh, that's

cool. So then I think, why can't can get those impression molds for me because I got who doesn't want to feel better on their feet. Yeah, so I Google Impression molds, right? I'm like, hey, and then I'm like, oh yeah, I got them but this is a little bit of pain. The ass. I'm like, they don't even make them. They're showing me the impression molds, but you got kind of got to go to a pediatrist to get it done and then and then fucking Instagram hits me up and they're like, were you looking for impression mold? It's crazy. We're selling them. That whole thing, the way that works is nuts. Anything that I'm looking for, Google search once,

Instagram just like, here's 10 of those things. It's amazing that they can do that. Yeah, you can just be like, I wonder, you know, what trees grow in Hawaii. You search it or something. And then like Instagram is like, do you want some Hawaiian trees? Like, do you want them?

You want to go to Hawaii? You want, here's a vacation. Can I tell you,, do you want some Hawaiian trees? Like do you want them? You want to go to Hawaii? You want, here's a vacation. Can I tell you, you know what some Hawaiian artwork? You got to appreciate people who are good at their job because we had these landscapers come to our backyard and they had trimmed trees, but then they moved a bunch of wood that was there. And then they hit me up and then like,

hey, you see now you have like five Acacia sprouts. And we we're like what? And then like there's five Akasha sprouts and I was like okay and then Akasha trees are really expensive so we didn't fuck with them we just thought you should know so you can kind of block them off and water them and I was like whatever I don't know in Akasha Google mature Akasha tree it's got to be like fucking 10 grand mature Akisha tree Yeah, so I go to the backyard and they point them out Tom. They look like weeds. They really look like weeds Well, maybe they're not that expensive. That's them there an Akisha tree is like they're fucking awesome trees Okay trees. Okay. It does. So you have, they all look different. There's 250 bucks. There can be no trees

250 bucks. You can't buy a tree for fucking 250 bucks. There you go. There's a case of tree facts right there. Tell me about an Acacia tree. Acacia trees. They grow in Hawaii, Mexico, the United States. I like it. Most Ac the KSA tree types? Are fast growers, and they only live about 20 to 30 years? Nice, nice. Interestingly, stinging ants in the KSA trees have a mutually beneficial relationship. That's interesting.

We have stinging ants in our. I followed a track of ants from one tree to their home, and I fucking, it was so much fun. Because I was like, they're going up into this tree getting like honey, not honey, but like sap. And they're walking all the way down the tree. Then they were going over a piece of wood. And then I lost them in the like, leaves and shit.

And then you kind of like look, and then you'd see stuff moving. And I tracked them. They were going across the yard into their aunt house. Like their little aunt thing. And I was so fascinated about that life. Like that aunt would go, that one aunt found it, and then was like, hey, you guys follow me.

And then they got in the line and they all went up, and then they got it and then they brought it back. It was just seemed so fucking amazing to me. Yeah, they're incredible. Like, animals? Ants are really amazing. I'm so into history right now, I can't wait to get into ants. And a lot of people were thrilled with your history explanations, I know that.

They're like, man, I feel like this is a history podcast now. Oh, it was real big. Yeah. I think we need a secret handshake. We do need a secret handshake. We got to work on that. Did you watch the Patrice documentary? I did. I had Google secret handshakes.

Yeah. There's got to be the internet now. There's got to be secret handshakes. Not the best handshakes. Put. Put. You know one of the things I think is the most impressive with that. shakes. Put, put. You know one of the things I think is the most impressive with that.

There's a few football players, and I don't know them like by name that'll have a handshake for every player on the team. And remember, I don't know if you've ever seen it. I have, I have. You've heard, if you can Google that like football player Handshake different with every player With every player and then the one guy remembers everyone's handshake and they're all different

I mean, I've seen a few people Like there's one go ahead and I want to see it dude. It's it's wild like everybody on the team Has a its own, and he remembers everyone's, and this is like one of a few guys that I've seen do this. I don't know how, look, so here we go. All right, let's see who the main, he's gonna have one for every, okay, here we go.

What's that man? So you go, okay, boom, boom, boom, boom. There's two, two, two, one. All right, that's yours. That's that guys. No way when he's gonna go up How the fuck no, yeah, he's got one for everyone on the team their own no fucking See this is all different Everyone's is different. That's the thing. He's not doing the same. Hanch. That's the whole point. Oh That's a good one. that's a really good one.

Something simple, I like the salute in there. I like that one, that's a good one for us. What's up, everyone has their own. Okay, here's what I wanna do. I want us to create a two-bearer secret handshake. So that if you're a fan of the show, you say a code word, we know the handshake starting, and then we can do the secret handshake,

and that way at meet and greets, you can do a bunch of secret handshakes. There you go. Like what, I'm not done watching his secret handshakes. Those are awesome secret handshakes. Those are great, man. Those are great. Who is this guy?

Says it's great. Cortez Lewis. Cortez Lewis. Oh, that's a great one. Did you get that? What the turn? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 15th guy. He's like, you got to go. Look at that one, these are all so great. Oh, with a dab.

I want Cortez Lewis. Can we get Cortez Lewis to create a handshake for us? That's what we need. We need to reach out to Cortez and be like, yo, give us a secret to Bears handshake. Let me tell you guys, is he on Twitter? Let's see. Cortez Lewis.

Cortez Lewis, for it's forest He's gotta be on he's gotta be on Twitter. He's got well. He's got fucking a hundred different handshakes He's an alum so he's not even on there you go he graduated There's an Alabama following him. Yep. Let's message him real quick. Okay, I'll message him on Twitter. Okay. Um, yeah, scroll down. One was last time he posted. Let's see if he's the active. Let's go down a little more. Yeah. All right, he posted. Yeah, he's been posting. He's, good man. He posted it the wonderful. Oh, are you gonna talk to Ty right now? What's going to?

Fuck me. Okay. Hey, Cortez, Lewis. Me and At Tom Ladybug Jones. Tom, Ladybug, Jones. We'd love for you to create a secret handshake for us, considering you're the handshake king. That's kind of weird. Yeah, it's definitely like, you should probably start with like,

hey, here's who I am. I'm a comic, I do a podcast. We want a handshake. Okay, hold on. Hey Cortez Lewis, me and Tom Zagora. Love you. Love you. Love you. Fuck. Right now I have hate-could you to work this, Lewis?

Me and Tom are gonna love you. Love your country. KERP! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Okay. Um. Why don't we message a master? How about this? I- Is that a good idea? Hey Cortez Lewis, Tom Sagar and I are dreaming about having a handshake with you. I want to shake your hand.

I just want to never mind. Let's do it later. Let's definitely do it later. Please don't send that Those he might be the king of handshakes. Yeah, it's made so then what what makes up a good handshake good handshake I start with a slap. Yeah, yeah come back everyone's cuz this is like the start of anyone Yeah, then it come back and then like then it's about rhythm and movements Root and then and then I really love the the turn the turn was go shit We're not done. Yeah is great. They have a lot of solutes in there So I don't need a salute, but there's also some full body things

Yeah, I think we should have a HURR Bear is Arrr Oh No, that's it is okay. It's our handshake is this our handshake. Okay, it starts with this all right pull up Okay parts with this, then this. Then we have to do something, we have to do something, hit, hit, hit.

Oh, I got a cable on me. All right. But then, but then we do our little hit hit, hit, hit, a little up the arm, down the arm type thing. Okay. And then we should pay, pay respect to your, to your broken hand, or with the other hand goes, never mind. Okay. And then we turn around and we go, no, errr. Then people, let's have the end read structured, but then, but I liked how it started. I like, we need, God, so we need quartets on a FaceTime. Like we zoom with them and we work it out with them.

Let's see if quartets follows anyone. I follow. Okay. Let's go to cancel that. Definitely delete. Followed go to cancel that. Definitely delete. Followed by BlueBan. Oh, you just fucking followed him. I was like, fucking the top news is guy.

He doesn't follow anyone I follow. Okay. And there's no one following him that I follow. Yeah, that makes sense. This is all adding up. God damn it. All right, well, we'll try. We'll try to get in touch with Cortez.

If we had a two-bearer secret handshake. It's happening. By the way, if you guys have, if you have things that you think should be in our secret handshake, hit us up it. Oh, I wonder what's gonna come of this. Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg,

Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Jurg, Wait, tell me about the petriste thing. I haven't watched it. It's fucking awesome. It's a, who produced it? Is it all things comedy? All things comedy, yeah. I made it.'t watched it. It's fucking awesome. It's a, who produced it? Is it all things comedy? All things comedy, yeah. I made it.

They made it. It is so good. It is, um... You know what it shows? And I talked to Tom Poppa about this a little bit. It... Were they friends? Yeah, I mean, where everyone...

That was New York. Yeah. He was probably Tom knew him. Like, I knew him... really well, except... Except except friends is a weird word with Patrice because he actually said that to me one time. We're not friends, we just work together. And you're like, oh yeah, and then I ended up going

to a show and bringing about people to the show here in Brea when he was recording for a show time. And then hanging out with him after the show with everyone. And he came up to me and was like, it sounds cheesy to say, he's like, I guess we are friends. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were in Scotland and I said,

it was like, very casually, was like, I'm so glad we became friends. And he's like, we're not friends. And I was like, what do you mean? He was like, if I land in LA, he was, if I was in Tampa, cause I spend the night at your parents' house, and I was like, no.

He was like, yeah, that's what a friend would do. Right. And I was like, well, I think my parents would just be like, who the fuck is this? Yeah. And he's like, yeah, because I'm not your friend. He's like, you're gonna pick me up at the airport when I fly in LA.

And I was like, I mean, I guess I could have like, 22? Yeah, I was like, I guess I could, but probably not. And he was like, yeah, we're not friends. He's like, we're two people who work together who like each other. We're not friends. And I was like, oh, he goes,

you white people throw around friend too easily. You gotta be a friend. I need to be able to stay your house. Like, I got friends. I like that it's like, here's my list of demands, my friendship. And so I was like, okay. And, and, and I left it at that, and then I moved to LA,

and then he came out to do the showtime show, and it was him and Gary Goldman, and I was friends with Gary, I still am, and I knew Patrice, but I liked Patrice a lot, and I did consider him a friend. And so I brought a bunch of people out to go see them perform live, and then, went up to Patrice afterwards, and he was like, what are you doing here? I said we came to watch you and he I was on a TV show at the time

He's like You like took time out to come watch me and I was like, yeah He was like why I go cuz you're great, man. I think you're hilarious and he was like It was here had a hard time wrapping his head around it and then he That night we went back to his hotel and we're all hanging out and he was just, he was like staring at me sideways and then at the end of the night

he was like, fuck, I guess we are friends. And I was like, and then see if you can find Patrison Neal, Big Mama Prods, Twitter is his Twitter, he tweeted me one morning. And it was like the fucking greatest type in Big Mama Proud's at Berk Chrysher Twitter. And I was in San Antonio, Texas. And my cameraman Scott,

oh yeah, that's Jennifer Aniston. Keep going, it's not gonna be a video, it's gonna be a video. It's going to be on Twitter. I think you should do the at a big mama prods instead. Yeah. Is that the way he spells it? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, pretty sure. He tweeted me and he was like, it's good to see Bert succeeding. And it was really nice. It's a funny guy like this who put his, his, you know, part into the business and at CMF exceeding it was, and my cameraman came in and was like, Patrice tweeted you. Patrice was the kind of guy that was like,

ever made a compliment. When was that? Because when did he pass? Right before he died, I think. How long ago did he die? I don't remember. I remember, but I don't remember the year or anything. Think like eight years ago.

Eight years ago? Wow. You know when did he die? Wow, 2011, man. Wow. You know what I mean? Wow 2011, man. Yeah, it's funny. I didn't go to this funeral because Because I was his friend and I figured I know for a fact that if he woke up in the middle of that coffin Yeah, and sat up and he looked around there and be like Bert you flew here from LA I wouldn't fly to your fucking funeral

It's like you pay respect to some of the way you pay respect I was like you wouldn't he definitely wouldn't fly to your fucking funeral. So I was like, you pay respect to some of the way you pay respect. I was like, he definitely wouldn't go to my funeral. And I know that. I'm not going to go to his funeral. It will be like the one guy who everyone's like, so wait. You guys really close? I understand, Norton and all those guys that being there, but like there are certain comics where they,

if you show up to a funeral, you're like, are you here to be seen? To be seen, to meet Chris Rock, or you hear to pay respect. And I was like, I pay respect by not going to his funeral. But the documentary is great. Patrice talks about cancel culture before it ever happens Is really fucking brilliant? It really is brilliant because he says and I've I've actually said this before Sometimes with cancel culture. It's not so much what you did It's what you did versus who you represent yourself to be and that is where it gets slippery if you What happened with Tiger and And I don't,

I would never mean to pile on, but he was, he represented himself to be this American hero. And when you found out he was flawed and that he fucked Perkins waitresses and, and had a list of chicks and, and all of a sudden, this perfect marriage that he had wasn't what he was presenting himself as. That's when people start canceling you. Because they're like, you lied to us, and I don't mean to pile on Tiger, he's going through a lot, but that's what happened with, and once again, I don't, I don't, but with disease was this woke bay. That's what he presented himself as,

is I'm an alphabetic. Yes, he called himself. Woke, I'm a woke bay. And it was like, it's like, I'm a woke bay. I'm your boyfriend, but I'm woke. We'll go to a march, and we'll protest for your rights, and I'm here for you. And then when you find out, he's'm a woke bay. I'm your boyfriend, but I'm woke. We'll go to a march and we'll protest for your rights And I'm here for you. And then when you find out he's just a regular dude Yeah, he's not I mean, I don't think you didn't anything wrong. He just is a regular dude and a lot of guys do that

Don't read cues. Yeah a lot of them, but it definitely not feminists. Yeah male feminists read cues And and so when you present yourself as one thing and Patrice said, and this is fucking nine years, 10 years before cancel culture, Patrice said, they said, why did you piss off your VH1 show? And he goes, because I didn't, I don't want those fans. And they're like, what do you mean?

And he's like, I don't want 17 year old white girls coming to my shows, going like, oh, Tim, and then I say what I say on stage, and they're like, why would he say that? Why would he feel that? He's like, here's the problem. Paul Rubens, P.B. Herman was a jack off in a movie theater type of guy

who presented himself as a morning show kid guy. Yeah. And when you found out he was a jack off in the movie theater guy, you're like, fuck him. Right. Patrice is like, I'm a jack off in a movie theater kind of guy. Yeah. And I want jack off in a movie theater mother fuckers

to ride with me until the day I die. Yeah. And you're like, that's interesting. It's really fascinating. And he says that in the doc. In the doc, this is so before cancel culture. But he's, it's him talking about basically, you gotta be who you are. I try that I try to do that so hard and that's why I don't talk a lot about like

I try not to I try not to I've done it. I've you know I've spoken out of pocket a lot. Oh, shit. I regret a lot like comics You mean like every week on this fucking so much. I really honestly think I talk too much or as it is If I think I talk too much or as it is if I think I talk too much I can't imagine what you think But I'm talking out of pocket about friends of ours. Yeah about about so much shit I don't know what I was talking about you were talking about Patrice and the cancel culture and the and Presenting yourself one way and do something else. I try to be as honest as who I am as who I am.

Like I don't wanna ever mislead someone into who I am. If I can't imagine, I can't imagine, I don't know. He, what's great about this is it doesn't mislead you about who he was. It's like so many documentaries, especially about a guy like Patrice who, quite honestly, if you knew him, you definitely had some moments where you actually hated him. Yeah, like he was not, he was, there were times

where you were like, well, he's actually brutally mean. Like he's, I think he's enjoying hurting my feelings. That's who he was. And they taught, they show some of the times he would get on stage and he just like, and it was funny because you hear it now and you're just like, God damn he's like, I dislike women. I think you're lower than us.

Like I'm a man and we're just better. And there's no puns like to it. Right. And, but it shows those times where he was doing this almost like self-destructive, trying to figure out the bit, but the bit was so cruel. And I talked to Tom Popp about it and I said the beauty of Patrice, which is showed, I think shown in this documentary bit, but the bit was so cruel, and I talked to Tom Pop about it, and I said, the beauty of Patrice,

which is, I think shown in this documentary, is his sensitivity. When he was really brilliant, is when he was sensitive, or showing you a side of him, where it was like his vulnerability. And I just think it was so well done. I enjoyed it. I remember, cause I never knew him or anything,

but I remember that special being like, really blown away. Elephant in the room. It's really good. There are so many blown away. Elephant in the room. Elephant in the room. It's really good. There are so many amazing bits on Elephant in the room. I mean, I still remember when he said, because that was when these two black guys, I think they're black guys, went out and they were lost at sea.

And he has a bit in there. And it fell players. Yeah, he has a bit about how like when, when like a white woman is, you know, missing, the after she's been jogging for like 20 minutes and there's like search parties and FBI, the community comes together, there's posters up and then when these black guys went missing on the boat,

they just stand at the shoreline and they're like, I don't know, man, they just look around like, I don't see them. The best bit, the best bit of that from that time. He's like, he's like, he's like, he but he does his, the thing was beautiful about Patrice is like, I think he does his foot to the water where he like goes up to the water,

but he was so good at the little things. The little things, yeah, yeah. He was so good at letting you tell the punchline to yourself. Yeah. It was, it was so brilliant. It's huge. That's even better showing in that talent.

You know what I mean? Like if you can get the audience to start laughing at it before you're like, this is the joke. He said he goes, you're on Vander's Loot. He kills women. He kills, he's a serial killer. He killed the one girl in Bermuda. What's her name?

And they go Natalie Holloway. And he goes, then he killed the other girlermuda. What's her name? They go Natalie Holloway. And he goes, then he killed the other girl in Brazil. What's her name? And they don't know. And he goes, exactly. Yeah. She's not white so you don't care. He goes, she was killed a week ago.

Yeah. And you're like, what's her name? Yordis or something? Yeah. He's just, he was so good at that. And then, like, and like, he was like, if they had a gun to my mom's head and they were like, it's about a restaurant. He'd be like, awww.

Restaurant, stop following! And he was like, R-E-S-T-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U- I don't know why I told him. Yeah, that's the thing I'm kind of jealous of when I hear all the stories about sitting around shooting this shit with him. He had a fix for the way I was doing comedy because I was trying to tell these stories, but I was just jumping into it. And I had this story about the joke, I was like my first best good joke I had was, you know what cops hate when you touch their faces. This is what you gotta do,

a couple times whatever, it happened on a plane where a stewardess was cutting me off and I didn't want her to and I just put my finger on a lip so I went shhhhhh and producer was like what the fuck did you just do? And then we started talking about it in Scotland he was like because I tried it on stage. I was like you know what stewardess is eight when you touch their faces and everyone was like there's no and then the next morning we're breakfast and he's like, it's gotta be a cop. I said, what, and then he went into this. Like, I know this sounds crazy to say,

but he really was like a little bit of a philosopher because you would give him a premise like that and he would then break it down for you and he goes, when you touch a man's face, you steal their power, they're powerless. When you touch it in another man's face, not with a woman, when you touch a woman's face, you're their power, they're powerless. When you touch it in other man's face, not with a woman, when you touch a woman's face, you're suggesting something, you're telling her something,

but when you touch a man's face, you've turned out to be an imminent or a woman. He's now the woman and you're the man who used to touch his face. So it needs to be a man, it should be a cop. I went really and he goes, yeah, imagine if you got pulled over and I was like, oh, when you touch a cop's face, they wouldn't like that.

And he goes, yeah, that's the joke. You know what cops hate when you touch your faces. And I was like, going to touch a cop's face, they wouldn't like that. And he goes, yeah, that's the joke. You know what cops hate when you touch your faces? And I was like, yeah, actually, I'm the one that wrote it that way because of, I just figured, how would David Tell tell it? You know what cops hate when you touch their faces? Like, and so I did it on stage that night in Scotland and it murdered and I was bombing really bad.

And he was like, now tell your story. Now tell the story about how it happened. Yeah. And I was bombing really bad. And he was like, now tell your story. Now tell the story about how it happened. And I was like, okay. And then, and he was great. But man, he could be brutal. I was dating a girl with cerebral palsy at the time. What?

Yeah. And he went at the time. It's hard to explain. Hard to explain. Yeah. How has this never come up? I'm sure I've told you. I'm sure I've told you. Okay. I met a girl in a plane. We were drinking eating Xanax She's adorable fucking really pretty we get wasted we leave the plane

You're like why she's really fucked up and I was like I was pretty fucked around and well it gets worse Yeah, I was like hey, we should go out. I've never done this on a plane. She was like, okay I was like, what do you want to do? She goes, why don't you get some friends together some friends together Tomorrow night let's go out and so go and I was like deal and so I tell my friends We need to go out and so my friends and I go out we go out this girl at still home We get fucking blasted and we're stumbling around those cobblestone streets And we get I wake up the next morning my buddy. We chose like I think something's wrong with your girl And I was like I thought he was saying she was a dude.

And I was like, no. And he was like, no, I'm just saying you should go out with her in the light when you're not black out drunk. Cause I think there's, I think there's something going on. Yeah. And I was like, I think you're jealous. And he was like, what?

And I was like, she's beautiful. She'll be like, she's Sarah Michelle Geller. She's gorgeous. Yeah. So I called her up and I say, you wanna go to lunch or brunch? She was like, yeah. And I went up to her, she lived up to Upper West like yeah And I went up to her she lived up the upper west side and I went up to take her on a tour per place

And the first thing I noticed is she was wearing sneakers like and like it was like Not like sexy sneakers like like orthopedic sneakers, right? And I was like those are odd choice issues. Yeah, with a sundress still sexy. Yeah And then as I walk with her into her house, I notice she's limping. And I was like, oh yeah, everyone works out too hard. And then we go to lunch and she's just eating with one hand. And I went, fuck.

Something's going on. I said, hey, why are you using one? And she was, oh, cerebral palsy, I think it's cerebral palsy. And I was like, oh, okay. And then that's when you make the, by the way, she is still beautiful. And she's, oh, cerebral palsy, I think it's cerebral palsy. And I was like, oh, okay. And then that's when you make the, by the way, she is still beautiful and she's cool as fuck. And she party's hard as fuck. And she goes, and I was like,

well, I still like her. Like, I don't give a fuck. And so we started hanging out and we had fun. And she was cool as shit. And then, yeah, a little crazy. But she, and then I said, you should come to Scotland. And she was like, all right. And she showed up to Scotland.

What? Yeah, she came to Scotland and, bam, fucking. You want to talk about a woman that hated Patrice O'Neil? Oh, God, I don't even know where, I feel like I know where this is going. Knox on the door. I didn't even know she arrived.

I thought she was going to call me and let me know she flew in and I'd meet her at the airport. She didn't. Knox on the door. I'm't even know she arrived. I thought she was going to call me and let me know she flew in. I'd meet her at the airport. She didn't. Nox on the door. I'm a human breakfast. And I hear Patrice go, bitch, give me your other hand. And I'm like, oh, fuck. And he goes, no, what are you the queen? I'm not going to kiss your hands. Shake my hand. And he goes, what's wrong with your other arm? What's wrong, like at the door, at the door? What's wrong with your other arm? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you?

And I mean immediately, immediately. And I was like, God damn it, he picked up on it fast. Yeah, like immediately, because she went out to shake his hand and gave her her left hand, because it works better. And he was like, what am I gonna kiss your fingers? Give me your hand, shake my hand. And she was like, what's wrong with kiss your fingers? Give me your hand, shake my hand. And he was like, what's wrong with,

like just really not being an asshole, but then they did not get along. She was a vegetarian. And he would eat blood sausage with his fingers in front of her to piss her off. Yeah. And then, man, it went super south. Super south.

I can see that. And then he goes, the other thing he goes, how the fuck did you not know, shit, I was here with Bulzi. I told him, I said, I'm where we're partyin' and he started crying laughing, he goes, you're so much of an alcoholic that you couldn't tell someone was physically disabled

and I was like, when we were all stumbling, he goes, no. And throughout the whole night, he go, you didn't see that. Like, you didn't see, what's even funnier about this whole story is so cut to. Are you still friends with her? No, I haven't talked to her. She, we didn't, here's what's interesting.

We have like a hook up that kind of was a weird, her ex-boyfriend called and I was like, and she was fighting with him and I was like, I don't wanna be a part of that. You hooked up with her? Yeah, yeah. Not, and then it didn't have sex with her. Oh, okay.

But we hooked up, I was at a place in our boy. Wait, doesn't that mean you had sex? No, because I left, because the ex boyfriend called. But doesn't that hook up and apply sex? No, no, okay. And so, sorry. And so, and so I left. So what did you guys do?

Like, did you just jage your D? Or beat my D? Oh, wow. And so, and so I left. So what did you guys do? Like, did you just jade your D? Or beat my D? Oh wow. And so, and so, uh, let's just, by the way, I hope. But that paulsy helped then, didn't it? I don't know. I was pretty fucking wasted.

It's like, this is the sound I usually make when I eat. Mwah! I have so many inappropriate jokes that I will not say. So then now you're biting your tongue. So I go the interesting part of the story. You are on one today, two Diet Coke, a Pepsi. Broke. So the best part of the story is,

and this is what I, I, she was a big Guns and Roses fan, right? So I end up interviewing slash. I know I'm interviewing slash. I, she was a big guns and roses fan, right? So I end up interviewing slash. I know I'm interviewing slash. This is back then. This is back then. This is like probably six months after we last took up.

Maybe, maybe less, maybe actually less. Maybe like three months after we last took up. I still have a number in the phone then. And I call her and I said, hey, I know we haven't talked in a while. I hope everything's cool. She was like, yeah, I'm sorry, things got weird. Her boyfriend had called and they were, they were still in love with each other or whatever. And I was like, listen, and he was in prison, vote on him, mistaken.

Yeah, that's why I left. And so I was like, I'm not going to be part of this. I go, listen, hey, I'm interviewing Slash tomorrow. And I know your big guns are on his fan. I'd love to have you come down to the set meet slash hangout We're gonna you know I don't know why I can get you but you can hang out in the audience and if I can't I'll introduce you and he was like Oh my god that be fucking amazing. She was the biggest gun throw fan. So I bring her to set and

and Slash shows up and slash is like Knocks on my green room door. I open and he's like I heard you have booze in here And I'm like it's slash right it's fucking seven green room door. I opened and he's like, I heard you have booze in here. And I'm like, it's slash, right? It's fucking seven in the morning. And it's slash fucking hair in his face. And I heard you have booze in here. I was like, I do.

And he was like, I got kicked out last night. We got something to drink. And I was like, for both of us. So he sits down in my green room and we just start drinking. It's like seven in the morning. He's like, yeah, my old lady kind of kicked me out last night. I gotta go fight a Europe. And a man is just, it's rough, you know?

And I was like, yeah, I know. And me and him are drinking at seven in the morning. And then all of a sudden, he's like, you're interviewing me today and I was not supposed to. I was just gonna be on a couch and I was like, I am. And he was like, cool man, we just end up shooting the shit. Yeah. So, the whole time, I'm like, is my chick here yet?

The chick, it was like like because I wanted to meet slash So they go out and they're like Bert your inner boot slash try take slash out and I we do the interview and it's fucking awesome They say the one thing they say is do not ask about guns and roses But me and slash have been drinking all morning and I'm like tell me what happened to guns and roses He tells us he tells us on the show no one watched the show. It's what doesn't matter, but he tells us you know We all became millionaires on the road and we had never been millionaires in LA and then we get back to LA and the first thing they're like, say to us is buy a house.

And all of a sudden you got to think, where would I want to live? I can live anywhere, where would I want to live? And he goes, you could tell we were separating on where we wanted to live. He goes, I wanted to live in Hollywood. I actually wanted to live in Malibu and you're like, Malibu, what rock stars live in Malibu?

Like, yeah. And so it's a great interview. So I see the check and I'm like go Get done the interview. I go. Hey, you want to go back He goes my flight's not leaving until like two you might if we go back to your green room and drink and I was like fuck Yeah, I go hey This chick I used to hook up with is here. She's a big fan. Do you should cool if I bring her back and she drank with us And he's like yeah, of course, so I go hey once you come back with green room drink with slash and she's like He being serious. I was like fuck., of course. So I go, hey, once you come out of Green Room, we'll drink a slash. And she's like, are you being serious?

I was like, fuck yeah. So I bring her back, sit down. I'm like, slash this is, I can't remember her name. He's like, oh, nice to meet you. We start drinking and we're having a blast. We're having a blast, but I'm sitting, and I'm like, it is so clear. She has several poles here.

I can't believe I'd never fucking notice this. She says, can I go to the bathroom? And I said, yeah, it's out the door over the right. And she goes up to the door and I actually see her reach across her body to open the door instead of using the hand that would be right there. And I'm like, I really have a drinking problem

if I couldn't have seen that. And slash grabs my leg and I'm like, I know. And he looks at me, goes, she is perfect. And I'm like, slash didn't notice either. And all I heard was Patrizio Neal in my my ear going you're as big of an alcoholic as slash Did they hook up? No, he got on a plane went to Europe hung out with her for the day I think I don't think we hooked up or anything, but she was cool as fuck I hope if she ever hears that she's not horrifically offended, but she's got be like fucking a grown-up now, kids and stuff, right?

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if she party pretty fucking hard. I remember her being like, maybe I shouldn't tell you everything she said to me. Maybe I should buy my stuff a little bit. What'd she tell you? I remember just when we were talking about party with drugs and her experience was like,

leaps and bounds way different than mine. I was like, I've never chased the dragon. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, she had really partied. She partied. Yeah, but she was cool.

And she hears this. I hope, you know, I think it'd be fondly. There you go. Um, I'll tell you a really hilarious story about at the one we're done this about her impatrice and me. Okay, okay. Um, here's what I've watched lately just so you know. I saw I care a lot with Netflix. It's a feature. Really good. Was it Rosemond Pike? Is that her name?

And what's his name? I care a lot. Who's that? That's her. That's Rosemond Pike. What is she? She is beautiful. She is. She's really good in it. It's a good it's a good movie man. What's it about? She is a she's a con artist who if you are her her scam is that she gets she's in cahoots with a physician her scam is that she gets, she's in cahoots with a physician and when she finds a wealthy older person, she has the physician write a letter that she needs to be the caretaker and then she drains the old person of their funds and puts them in a home. And like, it's really, yeah, it's pretty good. I have beef with the third act. I don't like the way it ends. Really? Cause I find it unsatisfying, but it's still a good movie.

It's still entertaining. Is it better or worse than our third act in Fad Astronauts? Well, we're gonna have that conversation very soon, but I think it's getting there. It's getting there. Yeah, we're working on it. We're actually working on it. The third act is an issue right now.

A little bit. But we'll get there. First and second act are looking sweet. I think if you made in movie like the way we soft pitched it, I really think it would be so offensive that people would be like, I have to watch it. Yeah, but I mean, it's gonna be there. Don't worry. We're getting there, man. Okay.

We're getting there. All right. I also watched promising young woman. You see that? No, what are you, are you taking estrogen? No. I also watched promising young woman. You see that no what are you? What are you? Are you taking estrogen? No? Why are you watching all these chicks? They're just good movie. This is a thriller. It's not even a young woman Yes, hit me the trailer. Can we watch a trailer? I can dope man. Is that impossible? Nadov you can't watch trailers? No, it's gonna get flat this one's great

Comment you think that Netflix is on Netflix now. What's it on? I just watched it on I was Oh, I'm probably a new woman. Oh, she goes around and kills. It's pretty great. Oh, I've seen the trailer to this It's pretty great. Oh, she is beautiful. You know, it's amazing how many beautiful women there are it is There should be there should be I want to know find out what percentage of people is attractive. Yeah, this uh Isn't that subjective? No. No. What percentage of people is attractive? I came up with a brilliant 5%. The ones who are good looking are typically more than 5% of the population. 5 be more attractive people in a beach city. What? Yeah, well that's, who's?

Oh my God. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Read what that says. Read what that says. This can't be. What do you want, fucking? Yeah, I don't know who this is. Read what that says.

Tom is reading this. Yeah, I'm reading it. Should I say it? You say it, say it. This said, but I don't know what this search result is from. It says there may be more attractive people in a beach side city than say, but that's like someone's,

this is exactly subjective. No, this is facts. You read it on the internet, go ahead and say it. Then say in an inner city ghetto. Wait, what are you, what did you put that in? Glocktalk.com. Let's see, wrote that out. Scroll down a little bit.

There's got to be more in for me. Scroll down. Um, interesting, what other results come up? I don't know. I came up with such a brilliant show idea with Joe DeRosa. And Bill? Yeah, yeah, it's, uh, this is pretty cool. This is what I'm talking about.

It's better to be ugly than cute statistic show. The post investigates female attractiveness without the usual analysis. Ooh, she's ugly. I don't even need to see her under her face mask. What do you think? What percentage? Is he the type of person to say 50% right?

I don't know. 50% of people are attractive? No, fuck no. Less? Yes for sure. 25%. What are we talking about here? You're saying attractive.

I mean, that's kind of a broad term. Are you saying like, like what percentage of people will you think you'd have sex with? That's a different. You wanna hear Ron thinks. Ron's like top 5%. No. Ron's out of his fucking mind.

Yeah. I would, I bet I would have sex with. Oh, let me say this before, hold on. Just keep that in your mind. Okay. What promising young woman is like a very original take. It's a thriller. It has, it's dark.

It gets really disturbing. It gets really disturbing. Super fucked up. For real? Yeah., it's dark, it gets really disturbing. It gets really disturbing. Super fucked up. For real? Yeah. And it's good. She is a state rape, right? She's fantastic in it.

She gets date raped. I don't want to give away the details. Okay. There's a theme of that, but it's pretty, bro, Bertam's in it, he's great in it. For real? Yeah, he's great in it. So wait, what percentage of people would you have sex with?

Have I put you all, gave you 100 people in a room? Yeah, how many people do you think you'd have sex with? And I give me a hundred women. I think I'm probably Really attracted if it's random hundred and probably really attracted to Like there's a niche. There's initial attraction. I think 15 initially. Uh, give me a picture of Ellen de generous's audience. That's probably bad fucking sample size Okay What would you as an ounce it okay, all right, so give me just okay, you ready now let's zoom in How many of these women would you have sex with this is gonna backfire big time? I guess we're never doing Ellen by the way

Yeah, I think I think I had that worked out. So they're going to be like, so tell us, Bert, you and Tom play a game where you say, how many people would you have sex with in my audience? Take a look, Bert. How many people? Yeah. Okay. Ready? Yeah. I'm going to do the math. Yes. What? Okay. Yes, want. Okay. So see, are you saying like, who I'm, who I desire? Not, you don't want to. I used to get into like the, is it who I desire?

In other words, you see them, you're like, I want to have sex with this person. No, yeah, or no, I would. Well, I, I'm saying, you can see someone and be like, yeah, I would, I would sleep with them or I want this person. No, right now I'm 50. You have 50% of the audience?

Yeah, and some of the dudes. Like that Asian dude in the middle, I'm like, I could pass them off. Yeah, you have sex with that guy? I can't see that, yeah, probably. The blonde right up front, the one laughing to the left, the Asian chick behind the dude, the other, that girl, yeah, the one, the other dude behind the dude, the other that girl. Yeah, the one other dude behind the dude, the girl and not that guy or a girl. Not that guy. A lot of guys, not her, the Chris Jenner. I'm not gonna have sex with her. Okay. Um, yes, hardcore. Yes. No, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no. This is a great game. Yes, yeah, from a distance, hard, yes. Okay. Give me some more distant ones. This is pretty much all you can see in this. Lots of dudes. Yeah, give me fucking a lot of guys on this trip. Why does Ellen have so many dudes? Oh, it's just because it's gay.

It doesn't matter. It's not just a good female talk show. Yeah. She's like a representative of the LBGDQ thing. Yeah. Sure. So if you're a gay dude and you're visiting Hollywood, you're like, let's go see Ellen.

Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. So you have 100% of those guys. You'd fuck all those guys? I guess. Any gay guys better looking to me Any do you do you think it's hot or mere Tim Dylan? Like who do you think you get laid quicker mere Tim Dylan with guys with guys?

He does have a great head of hair. Oh, fuck. I thought it was going to be obvious me. He's a good looking He's a he's a strikingly attractive man. Yeah, sounds like he's got intense eyes Sure Do you think that you're better looking? You know if I'm better looking pull a picture of me And you're up to them. Okay Let's take let's let's let's act okay not okay never mind never mind. God damn it man. I thought it was gonna be me up until I saw me. I saw me I was like yeah.

He's also what is he? 10 years younger or more? Yeah that doesn't matter. Okay go yeah good good go to that picture of me in the hot tub. That's a good looking picture of me. Okay. I do me after on that picture just we're going on that picture. Really. Okay. I do me after on that picture, just we're going on that picture. Really? Yeah. Do you know a gay dude that we can call and ask who they'd have sex with more mere Tim Dylan? Do you know a gay guy? I do. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. No, who? I know a guy. Who? His name's Seth.

But he won't know. I don't think he'll know. Like you know, we have to show him pictures. And he's got a gay dude on speed. You know, he should call Justin, Martindale, because he knows both of you. Yeah, Justin's, Hey, do I have his number? I might have his number.

I might have his number. Yeah, no, I don't have his number. Oh, I have his number, we're doing this. Face time, yeah, yeah. So be great. You got him. Hold on, let me see. I would have sex with Justin.

Okay, he's a good looking dude. Justin's fucking way hotter than him Shit, you don't have his number. No, hey fucking a man You do oh put it up here. Oh great face time I'm on the screen Can we do that? Yeah, no, no, no Love that you think I would do it. Yeah, of course everyone thinks you would do it. I give out your number once. You did? Yeah, in Tampa.

Okay, hold on. You give it on the screen, on the show? I'm doing stand-up, I was drunk. I'm gonna call you and it just played out. And then Cowat's like, do you remember giving out Seger's number? And I was like, no. By the way, that morning I woke up drunk in a house

that I did not recognize after the show. Yeah, all right face time I'm doing right now power move. It's super aggressive But we're doing it. Yeah, it's not aggressive. It's just make it normal It's aggressive Do you think his hair is gonna be done? Oh, he's got a fucking crazy head hair See if the answers See yeah, he's not answering it. I don't blame him. I guess is he getting it from a strange number? Do you think? Yeah. Oh, yeah, why would you answer? I don't know.

Face time from a strange number. You might just answer. I don't know. Taxed him and say it's me face timing you. Okay, okay, okay. God damn it. Message. Hey. Hey, what if he was like I haven't told people I'm gay Jesus my bad Is this all right, I'm seeing I mean we gotta give them a minute. Oh, he's definitely texted me. Oh here here he is. Oh, perfect. Here he is. Yeah! My eyes on right now. You have your eyes on. I love that.

Oh, I love that. The swell. What are you gonna do, so I gotta look, do we? Oh, nice. Yeah, you gotta get, oh, you look great. Hey, we have to ask you. Where are you boys? We're doing great.

Look, there's birds. Hey, buddy, how you doing? How are you guys? How are you doing? I'm, buddy. How you doing? How are you doing? I'm, I'm yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm clearly. You look great. You look great, man. Um, it's good to see you. Hey, tell them we're doing a podcast. Yeah, I know. We're doing a podcast. I texted them. We're doing a podcast. Something came up during this podcast. And I was like, Oh, let's call Justin because he'll give

the so first start here, start here. Justin, how many what percentage of people do you think is attractive, meaning if out of a room of 100 people, how many would you have sex with? Oh my God. What a lady Gaga question to ask. I love lady Gaga. 100 people that you know, 100 guys that you would, all right, here's 100 guys. What percentage of those guys are attractive enough for you to be like, I'd like to take them home. Well, it's been a long pandemic, so. Yeah, no, it's a higher number for sure than last year. I mean, out of 100, it's a higher number for sure than last year. I had a hundred.

Let's see. I'll say this up. I go like half. Okay, 50, 50. Wow. 50, 55, 55. Wow. Okay, but those are pandemic.

Some of them see, like I would argue, I would some women I see that I think are sexy, that other guys would be like, oh yeah, yeah, that's not mine, but in my head I go, I just wanna, I would love to see what she looks like when she has sex. Right, is there alcohol involved? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who fucks sober?

Or more men were driving up the stats for sure. But this is the reason for the call. We're talking about this, and then, Bert, throughout there, he goes, who is more attractive him or tim dillin birth or tim dillin yeah i said i go tims got a great head of hair

he's got it he's got really i'm not christian question wow wow yeah but yes really i mean i got tied up oh shit. Oh, he's getting stripping now. Yeah, Lee is a lucky gal. Yeah. Oh my god Dude, that's a huge endorsement. Thank you so much Justin. By the way, I said you were way hotter than Tim Yeah, you're fuck yeah, dude. I would totally bottom for you, but don't get crazy It's my first time so let's go slow

Just see you know I'm wildly disappointed in you. Hey you didn't ask about yourself, Todd. Oh yeah yeah yeah. How about me or these guys? I'm gonna go with Christina. He's killing me man. No, Todd, you guys are both sexy. You guys know that.

Oh, you're the fucking best, Justin. Thank you, Justin. I try. I keep it real, man. Yeah, thank you, man. Thank you. That's a good way to end. We're going to end on that. Yeah.

You got to end feeling good about yourself. Fucking big-ass shoulders. Oh, God. Jesus, fucking. Are you, you want to see this? Fuck you. I'll take a picture and send it to you. Thank you.

Thank you. Have a great time on the dude. Thanks for answering. I love you. We love you, man. Talk to you soon, buddy. Bye. All right, that was great. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Do you see anything we didn't cover? Plenty, but let's move on. Thanks so much for listening and watching. Bert, just look at me super hot See you next time Bird time time and bird one goes top to swap the other wears a shirt

Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance and hell that they'll keep clean Here's what we call There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to bet a booze amateur, for topology. Dirty jokes, runchy humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave.