2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 81 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Brian Simpson

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

Go see when Brian Simpson is performing comedy in your town here: https://www.briansimpsoncomedy.com/ SPONSORS: - Go to https://ShadyRays.com and use Code: BEARS for 50% off 2 or more pairs - Buy One, Get One Free. - Go to https://Feetures.com/CAVE to get $10 off your first pair! - Go to https://Whoop.com and use code "Bears” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free at https://ExpressVPN.com/CAVE - Get 10% off your first 3 months at https://Ritual.com/BEARS - Go to https://MillerLite.com/CAVE to find delivery options near you. It's Miller Time. - Head to https://Policygenius.com/2bears1cave right now to get started. When it comes to insurance, it’s nice to get it right. Brian Simpson joins Tom Segura as your guest bear this week! They discuss celebrities who would cause them to flip out including Beyoncé, Chris Rock, Michelle Obama, and Mike Tyson. Tom and Brian also discuss club etiquette and who and who is not supposed to be in the green room. They discuss how much they love revenge and what the difference is between a good friend and a great friend.

from the back of the room, someone goes, you're no Steve Harvey? Right, and I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment, right? It's a strange reference for the situation. Right, like who, like what was, were you expecting Steve Harvey? Well, guys, it finally happened. I'm allowed to talk this episode.

I brought in one of my good friends, very, very funny comedian, Brian Simpson. Thank you for coming by, man. Thanks for having me, bro. Yeah, this is a good time, man. I got, you know, we text the stuff, we talk sometimes, but you came into mind like Christina, she was in Nashville a few weeks ago, and she goes, guess who's doing it, didn't get a guess about tonight, Brian Simpson.

I was like, what? And I guess you were in town. Yeah. And she was like, dude, he crushed so hard, which doesn't surprise me, because you did on every time I've seen you too. But yeah, I mean, why were you in Nashville even to begin with?

I was opening from my friend Rose But because she was recording her She was recording her hour. Oh, and I happen to have a college gig too like up the ways in like Tennessee area Yeah, and it was right outside of Nashville. It was it was Crazy like no, you know, they're not always great. college gigs. Yeah, yeah, but but But you know how sometimes shit like you think you've pretty much seen it all yeah, and then some shit happens He like god, so anyway, I'm at I'm at the college and it's it's not set up ideally for comedy because it's an auditorium Okay, it's like socially distant so it's like all the space between people and

And it's you know big-'s, you know, big loud, big ass stage, big loud speaker. And the school went out of that way to make it, it was great, but the crowd was, the worst crowd, that like these kids, they were giving me nothing. That's the worst, it's the worst. Like, you know how they say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Yes.

It was that's what it was. It was like, I would rather than boom me. Yeah. But they were just like disinterested. Like, it was almost like they would be enforced to be there, right? It's why it's the own, like for people not in comedy, usually what happens is in a college, generally speaking, is you get paid more to do a college show

than you would, let's say, just a one-off show at a club or something and and they'd people go like, why? You know, there's a whole reason to why, but it's what you think about when you're going this sucks. Oh, right. You think about it, but I mean, I get it checked though at least, you know. But all those things have happened to me before. Yeah., so anyway, I'm about how many people are there at the show You think I would say it was probably It's probably about 40 people in a space that could have fit maybe 300 people okay, and And just out of the gate and it's in its echoey so it makes the bomb even more oh you feel it yeah and

So I'm about I mean luckily I'm not the headliner right? I'm doing 25 or so And it's echoey, so it makes the bomb even more Oh, you feel it, yeah, and So I'm about I'm not the headliner, I'm doing 25 or something and I'm about 15 minutes in I've got nothing the whole time and finally I just go you know what? Fuck all of y'all fuck you people you You up in here looking at me like I like you know, I'm not impressed with your leaving and looking at me like, I'm not impressed with your all either. You know what I mean? And that gets a little bit of a laugh, right? And then from the back of the room, someone goes, you're no Steve Harvey. Right, and I don't know if that's an insult

or a compliment, right? It's a strange reference for the situation. Right, like who, like who, what you expect to see you for Harvey, is that how is that the comedian that you, yeah, that you're talking about right now? Right, and I started talking shit to this kid, and I'm like, yo, who the fuck you, blah blah blah blah.

And then I realized, oh, this is the one white kid that goes to this black school. It wasn't a black school like a HCU, but the audience was like 80% black, right? And this one white kid is talking. is actually changing a lot of this story. It does, yeah. Because then I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, can you think, because you came to college, now you're getting some black pussy, you just talk shit to people.

Right? And I was like, I bet your millie rock song is hell, right? If millie rock's a dance, right? Then he stands up and hits the crispiest millie rock I've ever seen in my life right gets a obrurious applause right from the crowd from the crowd wow and and I'm like that okay that was impressive but wow what's up with this that's extra y'all can pull extra on it yeah and and he gets done his dance and he puts his hand out

like this like as if he's challenging me like like as a movie. Yeah, yeah. And I can't dance. So I'm like, come up to the stage, because I'm like, my only chance is to, because he's in the back, right? My only chance is to scan him on his way up here so I can roast the shit out of him. And he gets halfway up the aisle and steps into the light. And then I realize he's retarded.

Just like that. Just like that. Because his walk is there, you know the walk, right? And now I've just put myself in the worst, because now it all makes sense. They're going to cheer for everything he does and give me groans for anything I said. And so it was the first time I've ever like really just been defeated by it. Yeah, yeah, yeah straight up finish. So when he comes in the light, are you like, hey, are you like quiet?

No, I was like, I was like, oh no, why are you job? What is y'all doing? And I'm like, are they like, you know, the worst thing in the world for any comic is for the crowd to be in on something that you're not. Oh yeah. For them to have a joke amongst them. And it's on you. Oh, then you look, you can't recover for that.

There's nothing like, because you know what, it feels like, it feels like you are being mocked. Right. Like, I even remember doing, this is like, I don't even know if you could call it a bring or show, like open mic style, maybe a bring or show, cat club, early 2000s, and like,

just being on stage doing like, I only had, you know, my 10, 15 minutes, like that's all I had, so that's what you would do, and just hearing an audience person go like, huh, huh, like, good one, attach it, and you're like, huh, like good one, attach it and you're like, oh, like feeling mocked by the person, like that, and it's such a small room that like, you know, the other 11 people heard it.

You know what I mean? You're just like, God damn, and you try to say something back, but you're also like, I don't even have much. Like at that point, I got nothing. But that situation is, it's hard to man. No, but you know what? I'm like I can't roast this kid. Yeah, yeah, but then I get all stage and I don't know He wants me to say who he was but but the headliner was like I was like hey man. Yeah, you saw the situation like I

I was to stay away from him. He was like I don't give a fuck. What's wrong with him? I'm a roast Yeah, man, and he did he did he I'm a roast shit. I'm just really? Yeah, man, and he did. He did? He did. What kind of shit was he saying about it? I don't know, because I left the room. You know what I'm like, this is, I'm defeated. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm defeated. I left the room and when I came back, he was doing pretty good. Not like, still the crowd was still that crowd. Yeah. But it was like. And he was a white kid though. Yeah.

And he really could hit that. And you know what, so fucked up? It's like, I saw him. It was like, it was like, it was like a he was a white kid though. Yeah, and he really could hit you know So fucked up is I saw him it was like it was like it was like a scene in a movie I saw him on my way in the university. Yeah, yeah, cuz it cuz his walk is unrecognized But right and I saw him like running across the street with like a clipboard and I was like oh look they gave Yeah, they gave the kid like a task like it's probably nothing on that clipboard Yeah, the kid like a task like it's probably nothing on that clip board. You know And and I had I had no idea in a million years that it would be that it was him right, you know Yeah, you ain't no Steve Harvey's that's still amazing right right cuz that's like that all to me

That means you know, yeah, you know that he watches like a family food for sure or he watches the same Steve Harvey set over. Over and over and over on YouTube, just over and over. Yeah, Steve. He's doing even, I don't have to have seen Steve Harvey stand up. I mean, yeah, he's in college. Kings of comedy. I'm telling you, I bet his family food, man. Cause that seems like a special show too.

Like some people could just sit around and be like, I watched 13 episodes of Family Feud. Family Feud was like easy jeopardy, like for the watcher. Yeah, for sure. Because you'd be not that smart and be like, I can't do, do you jeopardy? Yeah, I do. Yeah, because you have like, you'll always kind of surprise me with like your references to like anything.

And I'm like, this dude has deep knowledge about things I don't expect. Oh yeah, that's good. You know what it is? I have deep knowledge about a lot of things that don't matter. Well, yeah, but it's like, isn't that jeopardy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do a lot.

But is that come from like school or just like personal interests? No, it comes from like being home alone a lot as a kid and also not being able to leave the house. So not being allowed to leave the house but being home. But is that like internet stuff? No, no, I didn't have the internet. I was like, no, but just because that was all that was on TV.

Like I was by myself. So I was, yeah, I was stayab-blade and it was jeopardy and Star Trek. I would watch that shit every f- You Star Trek fan? Oh yeah, hardcore. Yeah, well not hard, I wouldn't say hardcore, but um Have you gone to a like a I wouldn't go to a convention? No, that's too much. I don't love anything that much

I'm not I'm not that much of a fan of anything like that's you know, I get the question I get I'm sure you've been asked this question people are like Who would you like flip out to meet and I'll be like sitting there and I'll go Like who would like flip out to meet and I'll be like sitting there and I'll go Like who would I flip out? Yeah, or like yeah, I mean like who would you be like oh my god like you know like Beyonce will probably stop like I Pro there's people who would stop you right? Like this was I wouldn't approach I wouldn't approach Beyonce. No, no, I actually was 10 feet from her

Working this is like a number of years ago. Working as a site rep. You know, a site rep is? No, I wasn't. So there's companies, especially here in Los Angeles, where what they do is they own, but they also represent buildings and properties. And then they're an agency for the building or property to a production.

So you, Brian, the producer go, I want to shoot, I have a scene in a church and I need like a modest residential home. So you call my agency and I go, I got these 10 churches, I got these home, you know what I have? I have locations. And then your company pays me a fee. And then my company sends out a site rep. It's like a person that goes, make sure Brian and his production don't destroy this fucking building, right? And a lot of times it would be like historically preserving the building.

And productions are like, I don't give a fuck. And they just nail shit into the wall. You know? The yon say, did that shit in the Louvre? Yeah, exactly. Like, there was somebody standing behind them, like, don't get too close.

Don't get too close. Exactly. So Beyoncé was shooting this movie at a hospital. And at least they had scenes at the hospital. And there was Daniel Freeman Memorial Hospital in what's it called? Down in what is a. God damn it.

It's here in L.A. Where is that? I can't. Englewood. It's an Englewood. So we're an Englewood. So wait a minute. They shoot hospital scenes in real hospitals? LA, where's that I can't, I just, Englewood, it's an Englewood. So we're an Englewood. So wait a minute. They shoot hospital scenes in real hospitals?

Well, the thing is this hospital, when I started working there, was three quarters shut down. So entire wings were not operating, and then they would have little, like, a section, they're not doing, like, surgery. It's just like some you know routine shit over on on a on a smaller wing. But it'd be funny because they're like full-time security guy there and people would just like shuffle in off the street and they'd be like I want to be in a movie and like security

guy would be like and then he'd be like Tom. He was being the movie. I'm like I don't I'm not making the movie man. Right. But they would he'd be like, Tom, he was being the movie. I'm like, I'm not making the movie, man. Right. But he would just send people to me. So at one time, because it's an Inglewood, and there's like, I guess, kind of wild there at night, a guy got shot and his friends pulled up and just dumped the body at the ER drop off.

And we're like, we're not an open hospital. Right. Yeah. Beyond say's here. Yeah. Yeah. Pick this body up. It's insulting to her. Right. That's what I thought you mean at first.

Like they just shut down the hospital because of the moon. No, no. No, no. Maybe we'll be like, but yeah, it's easier. Um, now so yeah, she was shooting this movie and it was a number of years ago. I mean, like, she was still famous, but it wasn't the like world icon. I feel like right now, you know, because it was, I mean, it was definitely,

it had to be over 10 years ago. I mean, she was still super famous. I remember she had a bodyguard that I was like, I don't think I've ever seen a human being this large before in my life, man. Like, he was, he was like 6'10, but like 450. Like I was like, this is the biggest man I've ever seen in my life. And he, and she had this crazy modified escalade

that I'd never seen also. I was like, I look and they're like, from a list of armor, and like, there was like a fucking living room in it. It was pretty crazy. I'm afraid to be in that famous. That famous doesn't seem that fun. No.

Because it's only because their life becomes like, what thing was I watching? Oh, I was watching the tiger thing. The tiger woods thing on HBO. Okay. It's phenomenal. And they were going over, because even though I lived through it,

they were looking at the footage, you know, when you look back, they're like, when he popped, when he, I think it was in the 96, 97, something like that, when he won four majors in a row. And they showed footage of him arriving at tournaments and like trying to walk places, it was complete man. Crazy. It's complete craziness. Like he could not walk anywhere. Crazy, that's it. Complete craziness. Like, he could not walk anywhere. He couldn't do anything. He got black people to watch golf.

He got black people to watch golf, man. Yeah. Give him a vaccine. He, yo, he had, when he, I felt fucked up about this, but I'm gonna, if I'm being honest, my first thought when he just got in the most recent accident was he got caught cheating again because that's all I see.

Have a new lady? No, no, but remember the last time he got in the car accident, it was because he was cheating and his wife like hit him with a walk-low. He smashed out the windows. So my first thought when I heard he crashed his car was, oh man, look at that fucking thing. Yeah, cause is there, is there video or photograph of the old time when she smashed out the windows? Cause that did, that was what happened. He like went out of the house

and she came out with like a fucking three iron and was like smashing out windows. Yeah, that was the wife though. Oh yeah, it was, I think that was the vehicle. He's like, he trained his whole life to swing it, but not the dodge one. And look at that right there. Yeah, man. Yeah, Tiger was wife four. That's what I said. Jesus. Yeah. And then, yeah, I'm not finished with it. I mean, it's only like a two part. I watched the first part and started the second one. But his like his level of fame is like that Beyonce level of

fame where you're like, you can't go on that. What would have you thought of the personal that you would flip off? Well, that's the thing is I was trying to think of people I have met and how I reacted. And here's the thing. I never maybe because like we work in this, I go, you know, it's always cool to meet comedians.

Yeah. And like, you know, like who are the big like I've met Chappelle, it was cool. Like I was like, you know, it's always cool to meet comedians. Yeah. And like, you know, like, who are the big, like, I've met Chappelle. It was cool. Like I was like, oh shit, I've met Chris Rock. Chris Rock was a bigger thing to me because his special came out, bring the pain came out when I was in high school. Okay. And like, it's that age where you're like, it's just, you know what I mean, it's like

the perfect age. Like, it'll always stick with you. It's shaped your sense, your adult sense of humor. It does, it does. And I saw him, you know, it crushed so hard. It kind of, it reframed my mind on what comedy, you know what I mean? Like it was like, and it was also, this is pre-internet stuff. So it was like, it was an event,

and then an HBO would replay it all the time He was like so when I met him I really didn't I didn't I couldn't say much, you know I was like me some people have a presence man, and yeah, and it's real and then he said oh you got a couple specials on Netflix I was like yeah Oh, this was after you had a couple specials. Yeah Yeah, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know. I'd be like, yeah, you got some too.

But like, what am I going to say to them? Yeah, it's nothing. It's nothing you can say. You can't really say, and that's the thing is like, in the moment, I wasn't expecting to meet them. So when I met them, I was like, I mean, I was, you know, I was like, yeah, you know, it's nice to meet you a big fan. He was like, yeah, I know you got some specials on Netflix.

That's cool. I was like, yeah, that's cool. And I didn't, what am I gonna say after that? Okay, so you still out there joking? That's why it's important to have, to keep your friends as you coming up with, because it's lonely up there. It's lonely up there.

When you get that high, no one can treat you like a normal person. They don't. It's like, oh, that's terrifying. Even at my level of fame, some people treat me so weird. It's yeah, man, that's terrifying. Even my level of fame, some people treat me so weird. It's yeah, man. It's so, it's strange.

Like sometimes when they do, I'm like, what are you doing? Oh yeah. Do people treat me weird because of your level of fame? My focus will come of me like, hey, can you give Tom this? You know, I stitched this thing, like, no! It's very strange. It's very strange. And that's the thing is when you have a small dose of it,

then you look at what an extreme version of it is and you're like, that seems pretty awful. Back to who I flipped out about. All right, so, I mean, I think rock, the sole person in what we do that I was like, I didn't really know what to say. You go to like music, music, music, that I was like, I didn't really know what to say. You go to like music, music people in music, I've been like,

whoa, you know what I mean? Cause like I grew up, you know, your biggest influences for what I music and sports. So like, you know, meeting people, but I go, you know, like the biggest person I can think of in the sports world that from my age and how I grew up would be Michael Jordan. But also like, I feel like I'd be like, oh my God.

But then I would just be like, you know. I'm not a fan of Michael Jordan. No. Like as a person, I love watching them play basketball. Yeah. But I just, I was just, some about him rubs me the wrong way. What is it about him?

Cause I've heard people say this. Cause he, you know what it is? It's like, you saw a save the last dance. Yeah, yeah. It was like, Because he, you know what it is, is like you saw Sabile last night. Yeah, that's it. And it's like, because he is the embodiment of like this idea that, him, like at him and his most piece of shit, it is essential to being a champion.

Like because he won, and was also an asshole, that being an asshole is necessary. Right. And it's like, I don't know if that's true. Like it's like people like assume like, because he won and was also an asshole that being an asshole is permissible. Right, and it's like, I don't know if that's true. Like it's like people like assume like if he was a little nicer, he would have won less championships. Some people think, I mean, I think he thinks that.

Right, that's what I'm saying. And he perpetuates them. It's like, it's nonsense. Like you, like LeBron, I guess well, I guess you say LeBron hasn't won as many championships. He's close. Yeah, he's close and he's a nice person. Well, he's a thoughtful person.

So I was like, I've all, or like Kobe, Kobe had a great reputation, right? Like, I mean, for being night, people, oh, yeah, mostly said, but in, here's the difference. I've heard this from Phil Jackson. Phil Jackson was asked, has been asked many times. Kobe or Mike, Kobe or Michael, Kobe, Michael. And he said the difference is, Kobe had to beat you he said the difference is Kobe had to beat you

at basketball, right? He had to beat you at basketball. He's a killer. Michael had to beat you at everything. And that's a big distinction. So it's like once you're not playing, once you're not on the court, he's like Kobe's cool. Kobe's fun. Like if it's not basketball related. Like Michael Joel's got a friend of we's like, I bet like Kobe's fun like it's not basketball related like Michael

Joe's got a friend of we's like I bet you I die first Yeah, like Mike is like fuck you all the time, but I mean that's in I mean it's something in a man like he's you know Yeah, I get that I understand that and I appreciate that and. And maybe that's because I always defend Kanye West, the same way where so much like what? Where it's like, you can't say he's a musical genius and also don't want to rest because that's what gets poured into it. You know what I mean? So maybe, maybe, you know, I accept.

He's an asshole who Kanye? No, but he's a little unstable. Little, right. I mean, he does a lot of crazy shit. He does a lot. Who, who, Kanye? Yeah. No, but he's, he's a little unstable. Little. Right. I mean, he does a lot of crazy shit. Yeah. He does a lot of like questionable shit, but I mean, that craziness is the reason why he has the music.

But do you feel, I mean, you're saying like, I agree with you on that, like the crazy, all the shit that he does ends up fueling music in some way. You know, if you're an artist, everything you need to do to create your art is affecting it. But do you then go, I'm good with like the wild rants and the, you know what I mean, the crazy shit.

No, like I'm not saying I'm okay with his rants, but I'm saying I accept the fact that they come from the same place. Like you don't get to have half a person. You know what I mean? Like you almost like, like sometimes you know like my shit gets political sometimes right? Yeah. And people jumping the comments like you know just tell Joe so whatever like that's all I am.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the hackiest thing that anyone is saying. Right, but you but I'm saying you get it all you got to accept it all so maybe I'm being a hypocrite then. No, I mean I got the worst is when you're like I'd like to talk about a topic and someone's like, but you're a comedian. And you're like, but this is interesting to me. Right, yeah, yeah, and then it does mean I don't know shit.

Yeah, yeah, and they're like, just stay, and then the best is that they're like, stay in, like, stay in your lane and tell jokes. And you're like, what do you do? I drive trucks, like, what do you fucking stay in your lane? Right, right. Stay in the right lane, motherfucker. Well, stay on my mentions. Yeah.

I think if I had to, if I could, if I just had to like, gun to my head, pick somebody that I would have to be, or they'd have to be alive. Now go ahead, anyone. Okay, if they, if they, you have to be alive, I'm gonna save Michelle Obama. You would flip out?

She's fascinating to me. Yeah. Yeah, and I don't know why her more sold in Baroque, but. I mean, I think there are millions of people that feel that way. Oh, yeah. Because Michelle Obama is beloved in the way that Barack Obama is, you know?

Yeah. I mean, he's appreciated and liked this. I don't know that you can orchestrate. In other words, I don't think you can go. I would like to mimic what she's done to create that adoration. It's just who she is and how, like, she just, right, like she was a, as a, was a first lady,

I mean, her, you know, she had like objectives or, you know, they always pick like a thing and it was like health and, right? I'm trying to get kids to stop eating bullshit. Yeah, and, and isn't, I want to say, I don't know if it actually actually came to fruition, but I remember reading about this, that you know when you pick up labels of food, and it says like protein, carbs,

well also says the percent of daily value that is, right? So in other words, if it says, you know, I'm just paraphrasing here, but it's like, it says like, like you know 20 grams of protein in this thing You look to the right and it'll say like that's That's a 18% of the daily value based on a 2000 calorie diet right? But next to sugar it'll say the grams

But it never says the percent of daily value and that is done on purpose By the sugar industry, the sugar lobby, they lobby to not have that included because they don't want it to say 12,000 percent on everything. So that people are like, what the fuck am I eating? Right. So there's a reason that the percentage is in there and it's because of the sugar industry. I didn't notice that. Michelle Obama made like pushed and was like, fuck the sugar lobby, we are adding this. And I remember seeing that there was a date

that they would be adding the percentage. And it was from her, like she was the one lobbying. Did it happen? I don't know. You see, because they probably lobbied it to be like 2080. I probably, I can't even when the Kennedy shit comes out. Yeah, so I don't know because they probably lobbied it to be like 2080. I probably, I can't even when the Kennedy shit comes out. Yeah, so I don't know if it's now there, but it was, see what I would Google.

I might go like sugar percentage of daily, Michelle Obama's sugar law. It gets her way. Oh, uh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, okay, open that make that bigger Yeah, one more zoom one more zoom in Okay scroll down Yep To they see vehemently opposed by the food companies the impact of the rule blah blah blah That does it can you scroll and see if it says like when it takes effect vehemently opposed by the food companies. The impact of the rule blah, blah, blah. That does it, can you scroll and see if it says like when it takes effect?

Cause I don't know if that actually has happened. You know, cause I, man, I didn't even know that it happened that it was a thing. Yeah, yeah, I remember this man. This was like a big, big deal. And they said that, you know, the sugar industry and the lobbyists in that field were like they were willing to pour billions

to keep it off. They're like, do not put that on. You know, that's crazy, because I know that if you're diabetic, you only can have 60 grams of carbs per meal. Okay. And sugar, like pure sugar, that's probably like a quarter teaspoon of sugar.

Here we go and there's like a nutrition like see okay so yeah updated daily values. Wow how does I never notice that? Yeah. Guys see and then it says includes 10 added grams of sugar and then 20% next to it. So they're telling you now that's saying to you, you know, this is a percentage that you're having here. 10 grams is 20%. See what I mean? And you pick up something like maple syrup and you'll be like 93 grams of sugar. But then you know how they slide on that though is when they hit you with the serving.

The serving. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's supposed to be three drops, man. So there's one a billion servings of this in here. Yeah. So Michelle Obama, that's a good one. I kind of flipped out meeting, well, I definitely flipped out meeting Mike Tyson. But that was also, it wasn't like, oh my god, I hope I meet Mike Tyson one day. It was just like, holy shit Mike Tyson's sitting next to me, right? And it's like, yeah, that's like a, that was never, I saw that.

I was on Rogan, right? I, I mean, I told it in a special. I told her on Conan, you know, I told a prize, I told her I'm Rogan. I would be afraid. Like, that's something I don't fuck with about the, like anybody that's not old enough to be afraid of Mike Tyson, like I don't respect your opinion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That dude was terrifying, dude. And by the way, in the switch can get switched.

Oh yeah, I see you in the habit. You know that video of him on the, with Ocho Sinko and the Subaru? No, no, what's that? Put your hat on. Okay. Yeah, Mike Tyson, Ocho sinko and the sewer will no no what's that put your headphone yeah magnetize an ojo sinko super bowl it's really small and subtle but you'll appreciate it because it's you'll you'll definitely appreciate this it's him walking it's him walking into like a like a green room yeah yeah it's

like like at the super bowl so I would know, nope, nope. Try that top one there, the top one. Yep, right here. Start it over and turn the volume all the way up. Are you volume good? Yeah, I'm good. Just watch Mike. We might watch it a few times. Make it big, please, full screen. Watch Mike. That's Tyson right there in the flurry, Jersey? No, he's in front of me. That's what you do. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We're gonna do a B.M. on B.I. You're gonna do a B.M. on B.I. I want B.T. Point. You're gonna stop that?

Stop that. You're gonna do this somewhere here. He defuse that. Real, Ocho think of defuse that. Oh! Start over. Listen, Joe. What's up, man?

You doing it? Good. You're doing it. You're doing it. You're doing it. You're gonna do a B.M. on B.I. You're doing it. in on me. Sorry, you're gonna jump me in on me. I love that. Bro.

Bro. Because like, if he said that to you, Bro, I would throw my phone as far away from me as possible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because that's, because, man, even now, you've seen him hitting the bag when he was getting ready for.

Yeah, at 53. Yeah, man. Jesus. No, I don't. Man, that's scary as fuck. I know that camera man was shook. Oh for sure. It's hard to get for sure, man. Yeah, I was talking about the one with a reporter like brought up the rape. Oh my God I've seen that that was in that was in Toronto and that that shit that guy was like You met them the mayor and then mayor and then you're also a criminal. A convicted rapist and he's like, what, thank you a piece of shit.

And then the guys like, we're on the TV right now. He goes, I don't care what the fuck, cause you're a rap piece of shit. And that guy for sure shit is pants. That guy knew he could die in that moment. It was almost like he thought that the rules the we're not we're not we're not headphones on I'm just showing it. Okay. He thought that like the rules were protective. Yeah, yeah, yeah He's a savage. Yeah, like he was brit he was brit like he's the closest thing we have to like you know

those old the old like martial arts movies were like, were like a master raises people in the mountain. Yeah, exactly. He's the living version of that. We're like, you got found on the street and raised to be a fucking destroyer. He was robbing adult men at 13, 12 and 13. No, but I'm not bringing up shit.

I don't care what the ratings are. Oh, nothing. No way. The fact that guy felt comfortable saying is what's crazy. And then when he sits there, I'm not bringing up shit. I don't care what the ratings are. Oh, nothing. No way. The fact that guy felt comfortable saying, is what's crazy. And then when he sits there, I'm gonna ask him about that. Like, what the fuck? What are you doing?

Any more security you hear that could do none about that? Yeah, man. What are you doing? I've ever twice twice I've had the comedy shows with like enormous dudes, who like, like one time these guys were just acting, just out of line in the audience. Just, and they were huge.

And then after, and like, what is the moment? No, they were black dudes, but they had, they had on like nation-to-Islam suits. So yeah, I mean, and they were like, they look like, the power lifters. Like, broad, not like, not body builder muscles, like I bench 600 kind of shit. just they look like you know offensive lineman

You know just enormous guy and they were just sitting there stone faced and They would talk when there was like laws like they would just talk to each other The kind of thing that most clubs would be like hey, can you guys give that up? No one ever approach When they let like when the show was over and they left, I looked at the guy, because you know, it's the security guy, he was like, yeah, I was never gonna approach that. I was like, yeah, dude.

Bro, you know what, I hate, I look, I saw, I was, for my first four years in comedy, I was the security guy at the madhouse in San Diego. And I'll never forget, it was was a you know, Mark Christopher Lawrence. He's been in the game for a long time. Funny guy. He works clean, you know, you know, he don't have like offensive stuff, you know, but but I remember one time he was a... Just in the middle of his set, just giant motherfuckers stood up. This dude had to be like six foot five, maybe three-twenty. Like you could tell he used to be something.

He used to be a fighter or a linebacker or something. He was big as fuck. He was old though, but that don't mean shit. Right? And he stood up and he just had a problem with Mark R. S. Valores and I'm the security person. So I'm like, sir, you know, please calm down. Well, he's like, I ain't fucking calm down. But what I hate is when comics on the stage talk shit to the person that I'm standing in front of.

Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to defuse a situation to get them to leave. He's trying to escalate it. But he didn't do that. But the other people in the club, like all the male servers and all the comics and shit, thought, oh, Brian's gonna fuck you up, man.

No, no, no, they all came rushing over and surrounded the guy. And I'm like, no, don't do that either because when you surround somebody, they get more aggressive. You know what I mean? And he was fucked up. He was bigger than all of us.

He could have probably killed two of us before anybody did anything about it. And I'm staring in front of him. And seriously, he lost it a little bit and started to swing at me. And two of them grabbed one of his arms. And he was still moving. You know, he had two people on this arm and was still moving and reached for me again. And he grabbed me.

So he had two people on this arm and he grabbed me with that arm and was hugging me like this. Holy shit man. And then his wife. So this guy was, he had to be, I'm a guest, if I was guessing, he's probably like late 50s. Wow. And his wife,

then none of us could do shit with him. His wife jumps up and puts him in a headlock. His wife? His wife jumps up and wraps around, wraps around his head and comes down and walks outside with him. And you know that she's like, this is how this is what works? This is what I do with him. Yeah, she must have done it a whole bunch of times.

She knew exactly the move and I don't know if he could tell by sent or whatever that it was her. Yeah, because I'm obviously he could have broken her in half. Sure. But he let her put the strength on them. Thank God. Holy shit, man. But that's happened to me a whole bunch of times. Well, most of the time the comic will start talking shit because, you know, they have the advantage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like don't talk shit to people when I'm trying to leave. That's fucking terrible. I love that the wife was like, this is how I get them to come. That's like someone who knows how their dog is. You know what I mean? You just gotta make a face out of it.

It's like, why are you getting this man drunk? Like he clearly needs therapy or something. Oh yeah. He was triggered by something. You ever had to happen with like someone to trigger by something that's like mundane? Super mundane, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I've had people in the crowd just be like, fuck you for no reason. Yeah. Fuck you. We're like, what's going on? Fuck you. I've done things where people go like you really offended me today and I'm like, with what?

Like, they, you know, like you just don't know when, I don't know, I mean, I had a guy one time picking up huge guys just after the show come into the green room and the green room had security outside. And I was like, and then when I look, he's like six, seven, and three hundred, he goes, I just wanted to meet you to have a beer and behind me, they're like,

what now we can do? Yeah. So like, he just opened the door. I'm like, okay, you have that beer? I was just like, well, I have, because he was like, let me go buy you a beer. I go, they give me beer. There's beer here.

He was like, all right, well, I wanted to meet you. You know, and I was like, okay, well, here I am. And then he just kind of stood there. He was fucked up, you know, he was already drunk. So I knew to not be like, get the fuck out of it, you know. I was like, oh, yeah man, it's good to meet you. All six foot seven of you. Yeah, let me, I'll meet you out front. Yeah.

Yeah, fuck that. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? Yeah. And the first time they had lined, this was also me still working the door to the club. The first time they had lined, um, they're, they're, uh, someone said that they were a reporter. Mm-hmm. And they were going to interview them after the thing. So when she got off stage, they were waiting in the green room and she was upset about it. Yeah, you know what I mean? Obviously, I'm like, I'm so sorry. I fucked up. She said she was a reporter, blah, blah.

So then the next year when they came back through, it was people at the door saying that they was her family. I had this happen. But she hadn't put it, gave us a list of people and I'm like, that. And so I was like, well, look, y'all got a way to, she get here so I can clear it with her, you know what I mean? Yeah.

And I made them wait. And then it turned out to really be her family. Oh, what? She was pissed. And you, at me, yeah. Making them wait. And I try to tell her like, last time you were here, but I see, I, at the time I was due,

I didn't know like, she don't even remember that shit. Yeah. So I was like, last time you were here, you, you were late, you didn't give us a list. You know, so it was one of the things that I just, I just learned a hard way. Yeah, I mean, there's, I mean, you know, so I was like last time you were, yeah, you were late. You didn't give us a list You know, so it was one of the things that I just I just learned a hard way. Yeah, I mean, there's not I mean, you know You do your best, man. I mean that's actually you did the right thing. Yeah, you did the right thing saying I had the club come back One time and go hey your cousins here and I go what cousin and they're like, you know big dude I was like that doesn't sound like one of my

Like he said he's your cousin. I go, well, I can tell you right now that it's not. So, sorry. And they're like, he's, and then they come back and they're like, he's still outside. I'm like, well, fucking tell him to get comfortable. Yeah, like, what are you, this motherfucker walking with an ancestry dot com, and not or something?

I don't know that motherfucker. I don't know him, man. In fact, even if I did, like, ain't none of my cousins, gonna be our front without texting me. Yeah, exactly. And I wanna talk to him. I'm the shabby of them.

My real cousins. Yeah, exactly. There's like four cousins I wanna hang out with. Plus the green room is sacred, like dope shit happens in there. That's like, you know, comp up behind the scenes. Yeah. You know, when I was in Nashville with Christina, I met Marcus King.

Yeah dude, he's so fucking cool. He's the coolest motherfucker. And see, to me, that is the best way to meet a celebrity. It is. It's because also, you know, to the young comics, listen about there, that's the best way to meet a come up, another comedian, right? It's like, don't go up.

I mean, I do come. Let them see you. Let them let it be. So it was like, I walked in the green room and I didn't know who he was Yeah, you know, I mean, he's just make up trying to be humble when shit. Yeah, you know, he's all like oh no, I'm just I'm just a guy I just do music. Yeah, okay. I know your face though motherfucker Because I think I see them on your mouth. Yeah, and Anyway, after the show, you know, it was once they saw me do my thing. It was like I thought show you like man

That was funny. You shit blah blah blah let's hang out see they I Didn't realize like that they they party you know the mean like he when he say let's hang out I thought you just meant you know have a beer with it. Yeah, yeah, no these motherfuckers get down and and he was sure He was he was trying to be humble when shit and I was like and then this motherfucker was up for a Grammy the next day the next day Yeah, yeah, and he's like you ever heard of those the Grammys? No, he because he he tried to play it. I'm of course. I don't and somebody say you know country singer He was like I'm an out of country singer. It's a Americana. I'm like, what the fuck is that? I'm rock

So I look it up man his music is good as hell. I forget Americana is just It's just soul music when my people sing it I don't even know what it is. They don't want to call it soul. Yeah, but it's just soul music when white people sing it. I don't even know what it is. They don't wanna call it soul. Yeah, yeah. But it's just soul music with like- Because soul, then you can be like, there's another thing you took from us.

Yeah, I mean, because it's like, if Gary Clark Jr. was singing them same songs, they would just say it was soul music. But there's like, it's a white dude, so he's like, it's a red man. It's a red man. Yeah, he gets down. He gets, and that voice, you see,

you see like when Marcus Shaves, you know, he looks 15, it's like a child voice, you see, you see like when Marcus Shaves, you know, he looks 15. Right. He looks like a child. Then you see him play and you're like, holy fuck. But then he sings and you're like, what is happening? Right. It's like the voice was given to you.

You know what I told him? I said, you know, you, you sound like you, you sound like you were raised by a cowboy. And then at nine years old he abandoned you and the ghetto. And you were just taken in by a black family. And like got that struggle like injected into the jail. Yeah. Yeah. He seemed like he got like centuries of pain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's it doesn't look right. It doesn't look like his voice doesn't match his face. It's wild. I know. time, I mean, I met him on Conan,

so I was doing Conan. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he was a musical guest, and they were like, you were seeing this guy? And I was like, no. And then he played and sang, and I was like, what? I was like blown away. And they just kick in, he would have like,

his story is crazy. He's got a crazy story as I do. Really? Yeah, you haven't. I mean, I don't remember being like your story was wild to me. I don't remember. Oh yeah, because maybe I don't see mine as wild just because it's mine.

Yeah. But yeah, you're just pretty wild. But just the way he just moved the Nashville and blew up out of nowhere. Yeah. He's a real talent man. That guy's a real, and the fucking coolest dude. He did our, he did our YMH Live music.

Oh yeah, he said it. Is it that thing? Yeah, right? Well, I think by the time this comes out, it'll be out, but I just saw it and it's incredible. It's incredible. Yeah, I think they did like a rendition of the weight when they like went around the world

and had a different musician play a different part. And he opens it up just it's like it's like I Know that everybody ain't been in comedy, but come on line-ups on point. Yeah, and you can't put that motherfucker first Yeah, you know what I'm saying cuz it's like he they only he only he only singing the very very first part Yeah, and and playing the guitar and then and then after after like After like when they get to like the first chorus is it's a whole other person in the whole other country very first part. Yeah. And and plan a guitar. And then it and then after, after like, after

like when they get to like the first chorus, it's a whole other person in the whole other country. Yeah. Don't sing as good. Yeah. That don't play as well. Right. You know what I mean? But see, having him offer has got you to stick around to the second person. Right. But then by the time I get to the fifth person, I'm like, where's fucking Marcus? Yeah. Bring Marcus back. I thought he was coming back for the hook. Bring him back, man. Yeah. How good did it feel to fucking just go hang out? You know what I mean?

It felt great, man. It felt great. And especially when it's like, it's like I said, because it's dope that I didn't know who he was before I met him. Because I think everybody that's blowing up like that, they're thirsty to have like real interaction. You know what I mean? And like, you know, no, no, my, it is not the wrong way to be a fan of somebody, but a fan,

somebody as your fan first can't ever do that. They can't ever like treat you like a person. They can't. Or somebody that knows how huge of a start you are before they meet you, they can't treat you. That's why it's so great to meet people that don't, like, I forget, maybe you forget that like comedy, podcasting else, it is still in a way like niche, you know, it's like, there's a lot of people who are like, I don't watch comedy, I don't know, we talk, we don't know

comedians, and meeting those people socially is kind of the best sometimes. Because they're like, they don't care and they're not wowed by it, they're not influenced by it, they don't have any interest in it, you know? That must be, that's probably, that's the thing about being super famous is that at a certain point, there's like nobody who doesn't know, you know? Yeah, or like Michael Jackson was crazy.

I don't know, anybody that's been that famous for a long time. They can't go that, it's not like crazy. Yeah, right? Yes. I believe that. I've been more fucked fuck this was famous since he was six years old And he just got more and more and more and more famous. Yeah, and He's never known not famous. Yeah, except in his little bit of period of not famous was just getting this shit

Be out of them. Yeah, you know, and that was it. Yeah, he's a strange motherfucker. Of course he's weird Of course, I don't know why people like gave him a lot of shift for that well yeah because they weren't really appreciating because people go oh people scream when they see you that must be awesome you know like they cry when they meet you like that's not normal no you can't go anywhere I was I was with Russell Peters one time and in a green room and a woman came in to meet them and started crying shaking and I was like I mean I to actually see it like firsthand with someone that you know I was like what the fuck are these super famous? I don't even react to that. He was really cool. He would he handled it the way You I think should handle it which like put them at ease and was like you know like

Like not being like I don't know why you cry crying. Like, he was like, he was like, oh, it's okay. And like, you know, put his hand on his hand. I was like, of course you cry, I'm a beast. I'm a beast. Right. No, he was really nice to her and like, put her at ease and then talk to her, you know, give her a sub of me.

Yeah, yeah, I did the photo. And it was like, really nice and made her like, helped her, like, but she was like, I can't believe I'm here and shaking and crying. And I was like, sitting right next to him. And I was like really nice and made her like helped her like, but she was like Can't I can't believe I'm here and shaking and crying. I was like sitting right next to him And I was like wow this like you're used to seeing it like The fan and the famous person at the distance. Oh that part But it's not the person sitting next to you. Oh, yeah, that they're crying for you Wow, there's a video of like I think Janet Jackson like pulling somebody on stage

Yeah, and she's like doing a strip tease, or maybe he is, but he's crying. He's crying, yeah. Do you imagine that? No. Like being deck, like it's a sexual thing. Sure. But it's also that.

It's also that. So it's like you crying in front of, you're like the person you're obsessed with. Yeah. There you go, there you go. Fan loses it. I might be able to see the video of it. Um, yeah, it's...

I don't know if anybody, well, I don't know if I know anybody would make me cry. Cry like that to me. So I kept burning through in my mind famous people have met, you know, and I was just the guy right here. He is freaking out, dude. He is. Yeah, this dude is fucking hyperventilating though.

I love you so much. Is that to his wife in the audience? No, she's got him tied up. Oh this guy is like, if you fucking come. You better not come. But that's probably like freaking out man. This dude is probably wanted a dominatric his whole life. Yeah, and been denied himself

and then he was forced into the situation he can't handle. And there's no better Dom than Janet Jackson. Oh my God. Is she playing it slow? This is like Mike Jackson at the Super Bowl. Right. He's just like get to it and she's like no. Jesus Christ. He's freaking out. He just like get to it and she's like no

He's freaking out right now. He's telling her how much he loves her You know what she's did right there too right with her or her left thigh Oh, it's just his did yeah, yeah, yeah, she though was good. Yeah Yeah, yeah, she though was good. Yeah. Oh, man. But you can't, you can be mad at that guy who Jesus passed me. Of course. Come on.

No. Right now, it's definitely dripping. Just bucket. It's leaking out of him right now. And I mean, can you imagine, can you imagine the, ha ha ha ha ha. I did not know this is fantastic. Yeah, man. She get like this dude, she made, she broke this dude. She broke him. Imagine the... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Met someone and then someone was like that person was like I saw this video today. Oh, yeah, bro I would just I would screenshot Janet Jackson's crotch in my face. Yeah, and put make that as my tender picture Yeah, but like holes if you ain't on this level, I ain't trying to find not trying to fuck with you

Yeah, you gotta have the cave. You gotta have the table and everything in the time of year holy shit That's fantastic, though, man. Where was that? Did you say where it was? So great Oh man. Yeah he did. Oh man. All right. So who the like I met method man on a right. That would be cool. That's pretty dope.

Yeah. But I was cool even though. So what we were on an early morning flight back to LA from Florida. And I said, what's up to him? It was a really early, you know, like it goes six AM flights. We were like, so I said like, hey man, blah, blah, blah, pass out, sleep the whole flight. One of those flights where you wake up at touchdown, you know, you're like, oh my god.

Oh yeah, yeah. And then I get my bag out of the overhead. And I turn and meth is like, oh, we're going to fight it, like, like, mouth something to me and I was like, what? And he says it again and I didn't hear it a second time. So now you can't be like, I'm sorry. Could you, could you say that a third time?

So I just went, yeah, man, yeah, man, yeah. And did you ever find out what he said? Well, then he, he walks off the plane and I was like, fuck, like I have no idea what he just said to me. And I get my back, and now I'm like bummed out about it. And as I step off the plane, he's waiting on the jet bridge for me. He's waiting for me.

He's a fan. He goes, so I was like, I saw him and I was like, yeah, he goes, yeah, but right? And I go, what? Yeah. And he goes, that dude never shut the fuck up, man. The whole fucking flight. And I was like, fuck, fuck that guy.

I don't know what he's talking about. So he's a piece of shit. Right. And then we walked and talked the whole way back. And he was talking about this project he was doing with John Singleton. I mean, I couldn't believe I was talking. But he had no idea who you were.

I don't know. He didn't say anything about it. So I was just like, maybe he just thought, all right, nice white guy. Damn, I don't know. Did you get the picture? See, I never asked for the picture. I've asked for the picture a lot.

Jill Scott, I got a picture with. Oh, no, we don't. We sat next to each other. I have a fucking soul-playing membership. I flew next to a method man. Jill Scott, Serena Williams, Mike Tyson, O'Marion, I had to throw that in there. Is this first class?

Yeah. Yeah, he got an ice box, we was hard, used to be. Yeah, he got an ice box wheel hard used to be. Yeah man. Yeah. Uh, you, so you, so I got picks with, okay, I took a pick with Serena. I took a pick with Jill Scott. Uh, I took a picture of a Marion with a blanket over his head, because he had a blanket over his head.

And this is all on the planes. All on planes. Mike Tyson came to my show, So I got pictures with him at there Method in that because that met the man. It didn't I didn't feel like being like quick pick I don't know. I just felt fucking so lame no bow wow. I'm surprised right in catching him didn't catch bow wow Who else? I? Know there's I'm leaving somebody out. I'm leaving somebody out. Oh Bruce Bruce and I flew next to it. And I didn't know him and that was super fun. Oh yeah. And I ended up telling that story.

Because he's a legend. He's a legend and it was the coolest fucking interaction I'd ever had with somebody who I did. Like it's how you, you know what I go, like I didn't know what to say to Chris Rock. I didn't know what to say. And he was really nice. It was but it was the parking lot of the comedy store

and like a show had let out and he was with Questlove and I was just like, so I was just like, what's up? And it was quick. But on a flight, you're on the flight, you know? So you have a long time and Bruce could not have been nicer. Like nicer and telling stories and like a laffer, you know, like everything you would want when you meet somebody like that.

It was great. He was great. You know what I think I've done the the store has made me Because I've had a few chances of hit picks with celebrity stuff, but But like you know how it is there like when you adore guy there or even when you pay regular there whatever But sometimes you're in the back area and it's like like like Chappelle will sometimes be with a fucking entourage of other celebrities. Yes, yes, yes, John Man. Yeah, I do all of you and it's like and when you back there It's like you ain't back there for that like no they're not back there for for fans to be back there

So I can't act like a fan right right right and then also they always accomplished than I am. And so I don't have anything to add to the conversations. So I just, I'm in the corner quiet in the muffler or I just leave. You know, it's like, so I've carried that habit from the store of like, don't buy, I don't wanna buy the. Yeah, I feel like too, the group setting is a weird one. Like, I'm a one on one or like small group thing. You know, I told the story about like I got,

because of Tom Papa, I went to Matt Damon's birthday party. And because Matt Damon was at the improv, and I was doing the show and so was Tom Papa. And then afterwards, it's like, you know, you said like, don't tell someone like let them see you, right? So he saw me have a good set. And he was like, you want wanna come with us to this restaurant? And I was like, okay.

And at first I'm talking to Matt, like you would just talk, you know, just normal. But then people start arriving. And there's a bunch of celebrities. And then I'm just like, like you're saying, I was just like, I don't know what to add to this, you know? Like, I have nothing. Yeah, and they're all, and he was like,

they all know each other a lot more, like more, you know. Yeah, it's awkward. So at a certain point I was like, I I have nothing. Yeah, and they're all, and they always think they all know each other a lot more like more, you know Yeah, it's awkward. So at a certain point I was like I'm gonna go. It was pretty early I was like this is enough. Yeah, I don't belong to yeah, yeah, it's almost like you know today's it's the same energy as when you like when you're when you're dating someone and they then you meet That you meet their family for the first time. Yes. And it's like, you're clearly the outside. That's a perfect analogy.

Right. Yes. And it's like, but you don't get to leave that. You don't get to leave that. And then you start seeing the dynamics play out and you're putting them together in your head. You just don't let it go. And then maybe you try to say something to some person

and you get like, what? And you're like, I mean, yeah. And nothing too is like, I don't, and then you maybe you try to say something to some person, you get like, what? And you're like, I mean, yeah. Like, and nothing too. It was like, I don't like to be nose like I remember the first time. This is when I didn't know you as well. I remember being the, it was like one of my first sets in the main room. Right. I got, after I got passed and I was in the green room.

I mean, you were talking and then Rogan walked it, right? And then y'all started talking about something personal and I just put my headphones on. and you were talking and then Rogan walked in, right? And then y'all started talking about something personal and I just put my headphones on. That shouldn't end up in my business. Okay, okay. Yeah, because I know how shit is like, and I don't want something to get said and then to get out and it's like, that motherfucker was in there.

Yeah, you know what I mean? They're like, that shit, I'm my fucking business. But you're just thinking like three steps ahead on a shit like that. Oh yeah, yeah. No, but I don't know if we know the about it. It is meant for me to know I'll fucking know it, but I ain't trying to be a no bullshit.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think that's a, don't you feel like that's kind of a, for a lot of comics, share that type of mentality about, you know what I mean? Like I feel, I identify with what you're saying 100%. Well, I think it's a certain subspecies of conflict. Because there's people here that aren't...

You know how there's people that are fighting for a living, but they ain't fighters. They're not built. There's some people that fight because they know how and they make money, but there's some people that love to fight. Yes. And the people that are like built,

like comics appeared, they think like that. But there's a lot of people doing comedy, that's in comedy and you know, whether they make it, whether they're successful or not. The thing that you're describing about like someone's having a conversation, it's not meant for me, I feel like that's actually a sign of now that I think about it of like someone

that just knows how to act. You know what I mean, you're like, you know how to act, man? Because also I know myself. Like I know like the dirty talk and shit and the room and then that shit is off, it's fun. Yeah. And it's so easy to get sucked into the drama.

Yeah. But I've made my shit off avoiding all that. Right. Well, there's comedians though that do things like that someone's opening the show and they bring people to the green room. And you're like, are you out of your fucking mind? Right, don't do that. But like, how do you not intuitively know that?

Right. I've seen that where I'm like, huh? The guy brought his family in one time and I was like, what's this? He's like, my family. And I was like, what? Yeah, but people have put me on game over the years though, too. You know what I mean? Or just the thing that I don't know people

That's the thing I think you got to have people around you That's willing to be like because all because not even you know, even my comedy itself I'm so glad I have the people I came up with that that'll be honest with me You know about about your comedy or just the way I'm acting. Yeah, like my boy Derek posted about your comedy or just the way I'm acting. Yeah, like my boy Derek posted, this motherfucker will be like, you know, like I've just murdered something and I get off stage and I'm thinking about the thing

I fucking didn't do and I walk out of the dirt and the first thing you'll say is, oh, yeah, you didn't fucking, you didn't do it that way. Yeah, you don't say, and you need that. You need that person that's gonna be like, Hey, bro, don't be, you don't need to be up in that green room. You know what I mean, don't bring her, don't bring that bitch in the green room. Like you need somebody that's gonna tell you, in that green room. You know what I mean, don't bring her, don't bring that bitch in the green room.

Like, you need somebody that's gonna tell you. You're totally right. You're just slipping, you know what I mean? Cause I've learned a lot of lessons that way or learn from people who are just warning me about it. And, but you gotta be the type of person that's receptive to it. Cause that's another thing you find

doing comedy for a while and like the type of, that there are people who are resistant. Like, they don't, they're like, no, like you give advice or something, you know, don't do that and they're immediately like, combative about it. I don't give, I don't give advice to anybody down that I don't fuck with.

Yeah, like I used to be like, oh, this is a new comic, like hey, you should try this, but then people now, because now we in this new era of like, this petty, like people, people this new era of like this petty, like people taking offense, like petty shit. Yes. And it's like, I'm not, you know, it's like I'm not giving you advice cause you're a woman and I don't think you know what you're doing.

I'm giving you advice cause you're a new comic and you don't know what you're doing, right? And it's like I'm not, I'm not like looking down. I'm only giving you advice cause I like you, cause I think that's awesome. And I think that would be even more awesome if you did this right But some people take it like you know offensive like I

You know what are you trying to say and it's like whatever man just be just keep bombing it right take five more months to learn that Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, because you can't do it for them no but you find and I think in in what we do you Find and I guess this probably applies to in life. I shouldn't say even but find, and I think in what we do, you find, and I guess this probably applies to in life, I shouldn't say even, but we see it in what we do is that there are people, like you can't do it for them. You can go like, hey man, as your friend blah, blah, blah, this isn't working, this is this.

But if the person is just like, nah, I don't want to, okay. I can't do to... Okay. I can't do it for you. I'll move everything. Like even Tom Brady to go, right? He's still got a coach. LeBron James still has a head coach. Even though they say, some of his teens, he's running the whole team,

but there's still a motherfucker on the sideline. There's like, Abra, you know, using the wrong spot over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, you need that. Some people don't, they don't get that like, on his self-assessment is the key to progress. And that's not just you need that. Some people don't, they don't get that like, honest self-assessment is the key to progress. And that's not just comedy, that's everything. That's life.

And some people can't, they can't take it. They take it as an attack. Yeah, I want, but that is, that is just an insecurity, right? Like, when the people go like, like you're just not equipped to take, like I feel like that has to, because everybody can remember a time when you couldn't take it, right?

Or an incident, right? Like somebody gives you, like fuck you, man. But that's your own insecurities, I think. Of course, yeah, and it's you, I think also too, there's a culture now because of the internet of like clap back culture. Yes. So it's almost like any criticism is hating.

Any criticism is deserving of a response instead of just absorbing that shit. Yeah. You know? But I came up with more fuckers that didn't give a fuck about your feelings. They would just be like, hey, Brian, that wasn't good.

Yeah, not do good. That's a really good circle to be in, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's not that many, I mean, I'm trying to think like, you know, of like the circle of guys that I run with and, you know, we're pretty, we're pretty honest with each other, but I do feel like you kind of got, you don't have to ask for it for life, but you kind of got to ask for it for comedy. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure.

For sure. Because people don't want to like, you know, shit on your comedy unless you're like, will you? Right, please, please. Yeah, because yeah, I think there is, there's a dynamic there for sure that you got to navigate, but that's another thing too. Like we were talking about the Green Room stuff is like,

it's more, there's more to comedy than just being funny. Yes. You also have to be cool, because those are the first two things people say, right? Like, if I've never heard of you before, and I'm like, hey, have you heard of this comic? Yeah. And you go, no, I go funny person, cool.

Yeah. And then you're like, check, check. Right, right. Because those are the most important things, because you've been, or you go like, his comedy's kind of wacky, cool as fuck. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you gotta be, you go like his comedy's kind of wack, but he's cool as fuck. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you gotta be cool, a lot of cool to make up for your comedy and wack, but that's, it can make up for her. That can, absolutely can't. And the flip side of it is almost, I don't know, at a certain age, you're like, I don't wanna fuck with it anymore, it's a, let's do it to hilarious,

but he's a fucking asshole or a dipshit. Oh yeah. No thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't, I can't think of anybody that is funny enough where there's no line to cross where I'm like, I ain't fucking with them. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know about Metaconic yet that I have, that I would like just actively is my enemy. Yeah.

But there are people where I'm like, you know, you know, my new thing is that I I go I go What distance do you have to be for me to love you? Mm-hmm, right? Because because it's it's it's healthy for me to love instead of hate you Yeah, so it's like this is too close, you know me like certain people I go I know I know that I know I can walk in the club and give you a what up from across the park Dude, that's all we got dude, and I can love you from there. You know what I'm saying? Yes, and so it's healthier for me Is I just go how far away do you need to be for me to love you and and it helps me not fucking walk around because I'm a lot of anger Yeah, and I don't like to You know, I don't like the festering because I get mad and it just builds up so I just I just look

Okay, learn to love this motherfucker from over there. You just gave a life lesson to me too. Because like when you're saying that, it resonated. That is so good. That's so good. Thank you. How far do you have to be from? Because you're right.

There are some people where you're like, we all know whatever. Well, you know, this is like the fucking 50 people, right? And you're like, these people, like, I need to be near. Like, I have to be around you. Like, I want to, you know that. And then there are like degrees of separation. It's like, I can text this dude once a month and it's fine. Yeah.

And this person, every week, and this person is a phone call, this, we were talking about how, how well do you have to know someone or love someone or be close to someone where you can give an unprompted facetime call to? I think that's a tight circle. Woo! Right? That is a tight circle.

Yeah. And where there's not like, I'm gonna facetime you. And is the time of day matter? I mean, it should. It should be a factor as well. But, ooh, unprompted FaceTime, I'm like, I can do it to my wife. I could definitely do it to Bert.

I can do it to, you know, my fan, like, siblings, parents. Friendwise, I mean, there's a couple other and a couple cousins and stuff that I'm close with, where I wouldn't, but there's, you know, you come down a step from that and somebody where they could be like, what are you doing? You know what it is?

To me, it has to be. It's like someone just, like hitting your window. You know what I'm talking about? That has to be somebody that I have made it through the other side of some shit with. You know, like I was, like there's been some sacrifice or some risk. Yeah.

And we made it through together. It is like, I was like, there's been some sacrifice or some risk. Yeah. And we made it through together. It is like, and motherfuckin' it better be an emergency. Like what the fuck are you FaceTime me out the boat? Yeah. Yeah. It better be like urgent or something important. Because otherwise what kind of what kind of heads up do you want on a FaceTime? Like at least what someone to check.

Is it cool? Yeah. Texts, hey man, are you free to FaceTime? Yeah, like at least what someone to check, is it cool? Yeah, text, hey man, are you free to FaceTime? Yeah. Yeah, because that's like stopping by. Yeah, that's like the next level from stopping by. It is! Yeah, and you bet not stopping by my mother-in-law's house. Yeah.

My friends think I'm playing. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, what if it's an emergency? Call the police. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'm not a doctor. Yeah.

Yeah, what do you need? I've only, I've had it since I've been doing comedy. It's only happened twice. What an unprompted one? Yeah, somebody just stopping by. Oh, stopping by. Yeah, my friends, you know, my policy, you're asking me to be standing on the porch.

Like, then he's knocking on your door. The fuck? Yeah. What's going on? Yeah, like, man, I'm sorry I'm going through it. We'll go through it back at home. Like, you know what I'm saying? And it's like, and I'm not cold. It's like, I want to help. But it's like, I- You don You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, I'm not cold.

It's like, I want to help. You don't know what I'm doing right now. Because I know that if I make the exception right now, you're going to make it a habit. People like that usually, if somebody has the fucking nerve to just stop by and knock on your door and you are welcoming to it, they're definitely going to do it all the time. Yeah, and it's like, little kindness is like,

a few months ago, somebody, it was another comic. It was a fan of another comic that was like, I'm going through some hard times, and I hate to do this, but like, if you could help out in any way, blah, blah, blah. So this guy shared it in his stories. Okay. And I thought he just like hit you up about it.

No, no, no, the comic shared it in his stories And was like, hey, you know, I sent this guy a little bit of money if you want to help him out, you know, his has been mobile blah blah So I sent a guy 50 bucks. Wow, right? And then maybe three weeks later He messages me on venom. Oh, and goes hey, you helped me out before I could really use help again. What? Like, what the fuck are you out yo god damn mind?

And I should have learned, because I also watched a lot of judge Judy growing up. Yeah. And I learned that when the mother, when somebody need money like that, they're usually not gonna, like it's a reason I don't loan my friends money. They're not gonna have the money, because they have it a money problem for a reason. And then it's either, whether it's their fault or some other situation, that situation ain't going away

with your emergency 50 bucks. You know what I mean? So it's like, I gave, I didn't loan you the money, I'm gonna give it to you. I'm gonna give you as much as I can afford to give you. Yeah. And then you don't owe me nothing. You know what I mean, yeah.

Cause you out friendships end over that shit. So I'm not gonna give you like half of my rent money and hope you have it by the first. Yeah No, no, no, no, so it's like but no, I'm not gonna keep giving you money because you gonna keep asking me for money And that guy and the the one the person who you did memo hey, man You helped me up before is a friend or you don't even know no, I don't know this guy He was a fan of another comedian that shared that showed it. Did you respond to him or just ignore him? I just ignored him and then he hit me up again. Like a few weeks later.

Up same thing. Yep, same thing. So I blocked him on the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, you know, I don't know your situation. Like I feel for you, but it's like, I don't know why you're losing all this money

and you haven't explained it. I had an old friend, somebody who I did know pretty well. Hit me up. Out of nowhere. I've spoken to in years, years hits me up. It's like a, you know, happy you're doing well and this and that. And I was like, cool, this is a couple of years ago.

And I go, oh, thanks. And he goes, yeah, you know, I'm in a real bind right now. And I go, what's up? And he goes, like if I don't have rent money by the first, I'm gonna lose this plan, and I did a whole thing, right? And I was like, can I thought about it? And I was like, I know, I basically was like,

you should say no, because you don't know what, you know what I mean? But then I was like, you know, I know this guy. But I go, here's the thing, man. I'm in like Canada right now. And I don't have a fucking checkbook, I have an accountant, I have to call my accountant and process it, I just landed in Vancouver

and I'm going to Calgary and, I don't think I can make this happen real fast. And this was already the 20, let's say eighth of the month, and I don't think I can make this happen real fast. And this was already the 20, let's say, eighth of the month. I don't like, and he was like, I just, I'm gonna lose my spot, and all this shit in his life, and I'm like, I don't, so. Couple days go by, and then now it's the first, and I'm like, fuck, he's lost his place, so he had mess had message me again and I go like I'm sorry I couldn't make it happen like if I were to do it

I wouldn't even be able to get you that money to like the fifth and he was like that's cool. That'll still work I was like that thought you needed it by the first He's like I can hold him off for a few days and I was like okay. I sent it to him. I sent it to him. Did you make it a habit? No. No. Okay, that's refreshing. He didn't make it a habit. Yeah, that's a good friend.

Yeah. He also like never talked to me again. Oh, yeah. That's another thing. When I'm more fuck-o, you might have found a reason to talk to him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, that's why I said, it wasn't alone, right?

It was just, well, it's funny you say that, because he did say, can I borrow money? He didn't say what you give it to me. He said, I'm borrow it. So, I did have it sent out as a loan. Like it said loan on it. But just I was like, you know, you don't have it. So, I knew he wasn't. See, for me, what I would say is,

A, because I've been in that, I've been you know down bad before you know, yeah, it's like I would just be like a This is how much I need and if you need me to pay you back I will do my best, but I can't say when that that's pretty good because I don't what I don't want is if I owe you something I don't want you having like be asking me for it like yeah, cuz you know I hate when the motherfucker owed me and I got a reminder. You know what I mean? Cause like motherfucker, you remember me

when you needed that shit? And now you forgot that you owe me motherfucker? Oh yeah, and I've also had friends that they said they've loaned people money, like, you know, substantial money. And then that person is not only not paying it back, but like getting like, I got a new iPhone, man. Oh, that's cool.

I don't play that shit. And he was like, um, you haven't even tried to pay me back for the money I loaned you, you're buying like expensive shit. Right, what the fuck, man? Well, you want a payment plan. So now you owe to your mobile. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're borrowing a lot of shit, man. borrowing a lot. I see you with some new shit on it and you owe me something. I will, I will do, if I think I can get away with it, I will destroy that shit. I will. And getting away with it is key because when you just throw it on the low or like in the face.

Yeah, on the low. On the low. Because I study revenge. Yeah. It's one of my favorite themes. it's one of my favorite themes. It's one of my favorite ideas. I love revenge. It's like, come up in revenge.

I love revenge. You told me about that one revenge movie. I think it was called revenge. That movie, did you watch it? I did. I mean, yeah, that was pretty good. It's hardcore revenge. It's hard, and I'm all about it.

It's like, because I can accept horrible things happening. You pull a prevent. If I think you deserve it. Because that's what revenge is. It's some horrible shit's going to happen to you deserve it. It's exactly that the real revenge is about deserving. Yeah. And but yes, but the best revenge is about getting away with it. If you don't get away with it, like, kind of money, Christo, shit, you know, if you don't get away with it, it wasn't really revamped. You're right. Yeah, so you got to be, you know, I, you know, because I'm, because listen, I would totally, because I told my, I was discussing this over the weekend with some old friends of mine. But we were talking about how, how, then I lost my train of thought.

Well, we're talking about revenge and about how you're talking with friends about it. And if you can't get away with it, then it's not really, it's not really revenge. I mean, I love the idea of plotting against someone. Oh yeah, oh yeah. So, right, right. So I was telling my friend, because it came up

where it's like, you know the old saying that like, a good friend will help you, a good friend will help you bury a body, or a good friend to help you move with a great friend to help you bury a body. I don't know that phrase, but it's like, it's some shit like that. And I'm like, no, a good friend to help you move and a great friend to help you move a body, right? And I'm like, no, no, no, see, a great friend will help you plan the murder, but I might help you move a body if you like if you if you if you if you kill somebody and then call me

That was on you because I'm your smartest friend probably yeah, and you called me afterwards which in which case you already caught Yeah, do you just trying to send us both the jail? You know, yeah, if you knock on my door with blood on your hands and go brown I lost my shit. I'm like a little time is your phone on yeah, then get the fuck out my first step I'm calling the police right now. Yeah, you're already caught. Yeah, Brown, I lost my shit, I'm gonna get a little time, is your phone on? Yeah, then get the fuck out of my phone step. I'm calling the police right now. You're already caught, you should stupid. I'll help you kill somebody if they deserve it. I'll help you plan it anyway,

but I'm not gonna be a part of some stupid crime. Right, no, it's too many stories. Just like there's so many stupid, every time you, like these stories come out, you're like, well, that was dumb. Like, here's how I would have done it, or here's how you should have done it. Yep, you gotta, you gotta take the long, that was dumb. Like, here's how I would have done it, or here's how you should have done it. You know? You gotta, you gotta take the long, the long con.

Yes. Cause to me, to me, there's like, there's, there's, there's three keys to like ultimate revenge. One is getting away with it, right? Two is them knowing that it was you before they died. Yeah. Right? And three is profiting from it somehow.

Yeah. Yeah. All con of Monte Cristo, shit. Where's like from it somehow. Yeah, yeah. All-connemonic crystal shit, where it's like, it's triumped, getting away with it, and like in profit, and letting them know that it was you. Yeah, yeah. That's awesome, man. Yeah, some.

I remember I had a job one time here like 20 years ago, and some shit happened that I was complaining to some of the guys, some of the guys that worked as like runners for this company like running shit around town like I was a kind of production type of like a post person. These guys were runners were all ex gang members right and so they're they're you know they used to run the streets and now they were like you you know, a little bit older. Okay. And so, you know, you befriend them, because like, you know, we work together every day and we're having meals and all this stuff and tell them about like this bullshit. And one day after work, I was like, you know,

if you got like 600 bucks together, I can get a couple guys to go with like pipes and shit and fuck this dude up and fuck up his car and I was like, I got so excited. I was like, yes. And I was like, and I think what stopped me is that I didn't have $600. Oh, wow. You know.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. My guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because, yeah, I love that. Because he, yeah, yeah. Because, yeah, I love that. Cause he, oh, wait a minute, I left off one point. Yeah.

It's also, I like the ultimate ultimate revenge is, cause, okay, a lot of people think, you know, they don't have a good imagination to go. I wish, I wish he was dead, but that's because death is not the worst thing that can happen to you. No. Right, So like the ultimate of an ultimate revenge is they still alive The suffering is life is permanent. Yes, they know they know it was you, but they can't prove it

They can't prove it and they can't do a fucking thing about us. Yes, you know, so it's like that that's what I want I feel like the guy on stage at the Janet Jackson show It's like that's what I want. I feel like the guy on stage at the Janet Jackson show, right? That's how excited I am. Yeah. Right, right. Cause yeah, the only thing he's talking

is I ain't have $600 more. Yeah, man. And also it was like, do these people don't know me, right? They're just gonna go be somebody with pipes for $600? Yeah, dude. I mean, he was saying that he wasn't gonna do it. He's like, I still know enough guys that will do it.

Yeah, and that would have never been connected back to you. No way, dude. It would have been like, some gang members find beat the fuck out of somebody. Yeah, because I'm curious, it's like, because there's people, I think I can divide the people in my life in the two categories.

Like if I got connected to some gruesome kind of revenge thing, there would be some, there would be one half of people would be like, oh no, no way Brian is involved in something like that. And then, and there's a small group of people that would be like, yeah, it was probably you. Yeah. You know, the people that I talk about have these conversations with.

I feel the same. Yeah. As you, I feel like a lot of people would be like, no way. Yeah. And I got a small group of people like, he did that shit for same. Yeah, as you, I feel like a lot of people are like, no way. Yeah, and I just wanted to be like, he did that shit for sure. Yeah, some people like Tom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he did it. Yeah, he did it. All right.

Yeah, man, and there's some people, like I said though, the hatred is, because I used to have like a list of people I'm like, if I ever get the chance to get this motherfucker back. You had a written list? Yeah, yeah, I had a written list and I was like, if I ever get the chance to get this motherfucker back. You had a written list? Yeah. Yeah. I had a written list and I was like, if I could ever get revenge on this motherfucker.

Yeah. You know, and then I saw that people get in my head and they're like, yo, the best revenge is success. I'm like, no, the best revenge is revenge. Yeah, I gotta tell you, the best revenge is success thing is like, it's like half true.

It's not real. It's like, because you like half true. It's not real. It's like, because you can do both. You can get successful and get rebene. Exactly. Yeah. It's like, it's cool to have some success and like somebody knows it or whatever. And you're like, okay, I did something well.

Right. But I wanna see you suffer. Right. I mean, that's the whole point. Yeah, that's the point. It's like, I want you to pay a suffer. Right, I mean. That's the whole point. Yeah, that's the point. It's like, I want you to pay a price. Right, right. And I'm gonna tell you what my button is.

Like, because I'm saying, you're talking all this piece of love, distance shit. But my hardest thing for me to choke down is somebody fucking with me because they think that I can't do anything about it. Yeah. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,, because it's like, I don't need a job that much. I'll slap the shit out. I mean, younger me was like that. Like, but I will slap the shit out of you. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, I'm not gonna say that. That's probably, I don't know the statute of limitations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I was thinking about, I've threatened two people, I probably shouldn't even say that. So, we're about to get out of this. All right. Um, what's your Instagram being? Because I want people to even, oh, it's a, it's so fascinating. That's so fascinating. That's so fascinating. All right. What's your Instagram being?

Because I want people to even... Oh, it's a BS comedian. It's at BS comedian. At BS comedian, right? Okay. And I'm going to be Twitch streamin' soon. That's going to be that. Okay.

So, at BS comedian. And then, yeah, you posted a bit that was so fuckin' funny. So, people should go watch it. See Brian Live. He's absolutely hilarious. And, yeah, dude, this was super fun fun thank you for coming by. Oh yeah man thanks for having me. Absolutely. See you guys next time. They'll keep the clean, here's what we call, Soon bears one cave. No scripts to bed, a booze, amateur, Pertology, dirty jokes,

Rancho hero, no apologies, Here's what we call, Soon bears one cave.