2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 92 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to https://EstablishedTitles.com/BEARS to become a Lord today and get 10% off. - Get your Bud Light Seltzer delivered right to your door by going to https://budlight.com/delivery. - Go https://3Chi.com and use code BEARS at checkout to receive 5% off your order. - Visit https://ritual.com/BEARS to get 10% off during your first 3 months. - Go to https://ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in CAVE to get a 60-day free trial. - Go to https://WHOOP.com and use code “Bears” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Get your first visit absolutely free at https://forhims.com/bears.  Today is a very special show as Bert is finally back from Serbia! Bert catches Tom up on everything that happened, including why he needs to get surgery, going to a Serbian hospital and working with Mark Hamill. Next, Tom and Bert talk about making a movie together, acting vs. cheating and having to stay off Instagram while filming. After that, Tom tells Bert he's buying another Sea-Doo, the kids are acting more Texan since moving to Austin and discovers the difference between frogs and toads. Last, Bert reveals he's afraid of getting surgery but Tom let's him know it's going to be OK and that he actually loves surgery.

You must understand because of your mom but like if you're not an English speaker like if you're not originally English native English native English teacher like me. Native English teacher. 100% And it's finally. Can I tell you you look like Santa Claus do you? I do. You look like Santa Claus do you look like Santa

Claus? Yeah, I'm just thinking that today cuz I was like he I'm gonna trim my beard today And he's gonna go your beard looks white you got gray hair in Serbia and I'm gonna go you got gray hair You look like Santa Claus and then I thought of I think I have more of his beard But I think you have more of his body. I had definitely Dude, it's just gonna get worse. You know, you know my game plan So I'm fat in the movie, I had to be fat in the movie. Oh you got fat in the movie. Listen, I'm called the fucking producer right now. And my only goal is to get fatter

so I look good in that movie. Oh right, so my only. Dude, please go after your goal. Don't worry, I think after the third day I will. I don't know how the fuck you did it. Let's talk about. We have so much to talk about. First of all, you're back.

And I'm very excited. I just saw you for the first time in nearly four months, just a few minutes ago. I posted pictures of us making out. And I'm so happy to see you. It's been fun with the guest bears, but honestly, I'm fucking over them. And I miss you.

It's interesting because I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, it was really good about the guest pairs. It really kind of made you show how it made me see how good Tom Tox is. Oh yeah. Because Tom Tox is, Tom Tox is, that fucking music guy. Wasn't that great? Christian Han, fantastic, right?

So like, I know. Tomorrow I'm doing with Tlip Qualies doing it. No. Yeah, he's doing Tom Tox. Are you serious? Yep. See, like I don't, I actually thought about Bird Yep. See, like, I don't, I, I actually thought about birdcass and I was like, I always just go to comics that I

know, because I don't, like, I don't want to have to do any research. Yeah. Because I would, I don't know what I talked about. I don't really think it's even almost better. And I got that a little like confirmation of that from Marin that it's almost better not to do too much. Like if you, if you don't know the person, yeah, because you, you're natural at, you can talk to anybody. So it's almost better not to do too much. Like if you don't know the person, because you're natural at, you can talk to anybody. So it's like just have a conversation, right? Like do the research if you wanna have like a really in depth, you know, like get in there kind of interview,

but you don't even have to do that to talk to anybody because you can just talk to anyone. Yeah, I don't know. Your Tom talks is really good. It's a really good podcast. And it was interesting watching Two Bears' guests because some people got in and it was like, Ethan was a fun one.

I think he watches the show. Ethan? Ethan does not watch. Oh, but it was a fun. Like he was, Oh, it's fun because you have a report. Yeah, it was a fun watching. You and Brandon was really good. Yes

I I I love it everything I got he makes me he's so He's so honest. He's like liant like so fucking honest. You can be like just dial it back a little bit Yeah, and he's like he's like he's like you know people got upset because I wasn't giving Bobby the energy needed to succeed on his podcast. He's like, yeah, I don't do that. And I was like, which is wetly and would say too. Yeah, and I go, I wrote down a note, never take a road trip solo, just you and Anthony Jasselneck,

where we drive to Vegas. And it's silent. Oh yeah. But until I just start, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, so Anthony, so Anthony. Tell me how you trim your beard. No, I don't think. Who were all the guest pairs?

Let's go through the guest pairs real quick. Yeah. Well, you had an epic one with Steve O. That was a big one. That was on the, that was like the beginning of the Steve O press tour. The Steve O's been promoting Jackass hard as fuck. My feelings got hurt. I'm as fuck. My feelings got hurt.

I'm so excited about your feelings got hurt. Or this one I texted you about it. Keep going, go back, go back, I texted you about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no So we had job, Marin, great, Caches Marsh. So he's the NFL player. Yeah. Who bought my house? I know.

I was like, at first I was like, wait, and then I was like, Tom knows the most random fucking celebrity is like football players. And then you're like, and you bought my house. I was like, that makes more sense. Yeah, that was great. Is he played for the Ram?

Steelers. Steelers, what's he do out here? He's from LA. Oh, really? So yeah, this is his. out here? He's from LA. Oh, really? Yeah, this is his. Cash is Mars, he's a good one. Okay, okay, all right, hold on. The best one.

Fits. No, who? Felipe, he's Mars on. Oh, he was amazing. Felipe? So we're driving to the studio. We had like, we had a 30 minute drive. That was like, heartfelt and funny.

We had a 30 minute drive to the studio every day. So every Monday, we throw in the new two bears, right? Yeah. And we put in Felipe. We're crossing the bridge by the gallery for anyone from Serbia who knows where we are. And Felipe goes, um, they go, they're like, uh, hey, my mom got Corona virus. My brother got shot in a drive by. I, my, my, my, my sister's got a loopess, can I get to get to his show? He's like, bro. But the best line he said, he goes, I can't have, I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, look at my show. I can't have a house light falling someone because you're there. Dude, me and my cousin Andrew were crying laughing. That was hilarious. He is so fucking funny. He was fantastic. Up and down, top to bottom bottom probably one of the best comics

In interviews and on stage. I thought you would have laughed at me I don't know if you got to it because I feel like I was almost doing what you do when I was with cashus And I thought that he was a big fan of magic, but he just oh that was the best Oh, that was the best that was the best you're like so you go to magic castle and he was like, huh? And you I fucking fell out because I was like, I knew you'd look on your face and you're like, I don't know anything about magic. I guess I'm talking to a big guy that's in the magic. What a fucking gorilla he is. Bro, you mean the game? I was like, game of magic?

He's sitting in your new house in the fucking kitchen. Do another one. Do another one. Godfrey was fantastic. Mark Norman was hilarious. I'm a kitchen going to another one, do another one. Ha ha ha ha ha podcast. He's like, cool. I tell you something, this is a thing. Brian is deadly honest, like Jusslinic, like Leigh Ann. That's why. Dude, he gave you exactly how he felt in that moment. Well, because he was the one I got jealous of, because you were doing them when I was here.

Yes. Remember? Yes. Because if you notice on that one, my hat's here you were doing them when I was here. Yes. Remember? If you noticed on that one my hat's here and I was like here, leave him present. I was trying to like... And he was, that story of the fucking... I had to make a confession. Okay. I was gonna do pictures, but I thought it'd be too mean.

But I had lunch with Jennifer Aniston. Okay, I'm not believing this. I'm not believing it. By the way, and unless you have pictures, I don't believe it. I do have pictures, I'll get in post. Let me see them. Let me see a picture of you and Jennifer Aniston. If you do, I will break the tenons in my right arm.

If you have a picture, you're going into your phone like you really... You're like the guy at a basketball party who's been married and he's cheating on his wife and then the guy's getting married. I don't want to see any of that. I don't want to see any of that. I don't want to see any of that. I don't understand it that there's so many fears I have going into this fucking... So, for people that don't know, here's what happened.

Because everybody, I haven't explained it well. I mean, by the time this comes out, I don't know if it'll be explained already. But... This comes out next Monday, right? Okay. This comes out next Monday. I will be in a cast. Because you are having surgery.

I'm having surgery on my left arm. And the reason you're having surgery is because I was playing basketball with my friend I thought I could dunk okay No, I just it by the way mine doesn't sound at all sexy and I can't what do you mean you sound super? No, no, no, no reason why I can't I can't I can't go into two Don't go into too much detail. I fell. Doing what? Fell, I fell.

With that being spous, I fell acting in a movie. Okay. I was acting in a movie and I fell. Somebody was doing their own acting. I was doing my all-mone acting and I fell and I kind of tweaked my elbow and I thought it was fine and I continued to live my life like it was fine. I thought it was the old and then one day, you cause more damage. I caused more damage and I heard three pops and

and I I tore 59% of the tendons in my left elbow attaching my tricep and they are They're recessed like three centimeters. So Thursday I go into surgery. Where they will. Reattach them. So reattach them to the elbow. And then I go into a straight cast for a week. And then they do what they did to your knee.

It's the same thing for your knee. It's a they slowly let you bend it. Yeah. And so only one week is in the straight cast. That seems really short. Uh-huh, I think I rushed it, because I have to go do Go Big Show. So I'm like, hey, I need to do it.

You know, it's like, what's more important? Go Big Show or your arm. Yeah, you know me. By the way, I actually had a moment in, and I actually had a moment in a making this movie that I thought to myself, am I willing to give my arm up for a good movie? Like, am I willing to fuck my arm up for a good movie? Like, am I willing to fuck my arm up for a good movie

in the moment I was like 100%. Like, you know, it's so funny how vulnerable you become, I can't wait, I genuinely can't wait to do what we're doing. You know what I mean? The thing we're doing, I can't wait to we do it. Do you know how fucking much, I don't even know if it'll end up being good, but it'll be the hardest we laugh ever.

I'm, I'm, but there's still like, having gone through the experience of making a movie, there's so much to it that is like super vulnerable, super like, like really put, it's so different to stand up in that. I mean've done you've done movies before but like when you are Day in day out for fucking four months making a movie. Yeah, your brain is so and I cannot wait to experience it with you I cannot fucking wait. It's I'm like so fucking excited. I want to show you one thing on this No, I know you don't want to see it

But I want you to see why do they take video? Do am I going to get a video of my surgery? So this is when they're stimulating and then you can see what on wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let's just pull out a little bit here. Let's see, look, look at my hand now, look at my hand. Oh Look at look at my hand now look at my hand. Oh my god. Oh shut up You know how fucking that's our next movie. What's the movie accidental surgeons? I was gonna say I got our next heavy segment. Why am I alive? Dude, that is, they just have your hand go. Man, yep.

Taxi! Taxi! How much is it? Do you realize if that was me and you, we would be like, Alright, make it into a fest and then put our dick in the hand and be like, I think we would get our medical license for folk pre-booking. Oh, in our heartbeat. Put the fucking okay symbol. Well, look who Tom's doing in the middle of his surgery. Oh, in a heartbeat. Put the fucking okay symbol. Well, look at Tom's doing in the middle of his surgery. Looks like someone's all right.

Hahaha. Dude, I. Hahaha. Ah, pretty cool though, right? So, am I gonna, am I surgery? Will I be on my stomach? You know, you might be. Yeah.

I don't sleep on my stomach. Well, they, they they'll have they'll have you intubated probably It's what happens when you're under you know hold on. It's not a seizure like that. They do that after you're outright Yeah Yeah, they're not like I open up So we wait to know wait wait wait wait this one is a different one. It's a different incision What arm different arm same arm look how many incisions did they make two big one? Well one big one? Oh, what why are they doing that? Why are they doing that? That is I don't need to see any of this. This is really bad

Fucking stop stop I'm gonna tell them I want a very small scar. Oh yeah, they always listen to that. And then I want them to really take their time soaring it up because I perform short lists. And I don't want some to scar. I'm never gonna turn my back to the stage now. You will. To the audience because I don't want anyone to see my scar.

It'll be a cool story. Yeah. Yeah. It was a fucking great story. Yeah, a big, a fun story. Thank God I worked out before I did one did the movie because they said I would have just ripped the fucking t-tricept off. Really? Yeah, because I don't have any paint.

Here's what's really fucking bizarre about it is I don't have any paint in the arm. So like I have no paint. And so they were like, you should have like searing pain You're like I don't I was like I don't and then they went and the guy was doing these like they do all these things to the arm like Move it and then push it He goes you have a lot of strength in your arm. Did you are you like a like can I tell you the most I go on Can I tell you the most hang on it starts this way start this way you ready? Mm-hmm. It starts this way Mm-hmm. Let me Let me back you into this.

Got a power lifter or something? He goes, it starts with, Dunningman look at the MRI, the guy goes, well, I mean, with your lifestyle. Dunningman know me. First guy. Not the guy doing the operation. Not the other guy, first guy goes, looks at me and just goes, I mean, it just looks at me and he goes, what do we, what are we gonna do? I mean, you can fix that, but like,

are you active? Do you do stuff? And I was like, huh? And he's like, if you're not having pain, like who cares? And I was like, I do. He's like, do you work out? And I was like, yeah.

And he goes, I know, but like, do you, like, do you actually try? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, I know, but like, do you actually try? And I was like, yeah, the plates, I work out. I just build a fucking home gym. And I was like, and I was like, wait. I just say, it's like, I felt like the time I went into my running shoes at the running shoe price. Running world, yeah. And the guy goes, what do you get in these four?

And I go, running. And he goes, no, for who? Yeah. And I was like, no, I run. And he goes, what do you get in these four? And he goes running and he goes, no, for who? Yeah, and I was like, no, I run and he goes, you do? And I was like, yeah, and the guy said that to me, I was like, no, I left weights and I run, I exercise, I'm in pretty good shape. And he goes, okay. And then he does the test on my arm and he was like, hold on.

Like, and this is what, and then the real doctor came in, not the real doctor, I'm sure the first guy was a real doctor, I just didn't appreciate it. Then the real doctor came in and was the real doctor. I'm sure the first guy was a real doctor. I just didn't appreciate it. Then the real doctor came in and was like real quick set, summed it up. He was like, oh, you've torn, over 50% of your tenants. He was like, and they've retracted, and he was like, I can feel him.

Can you feel him? Now I can feel him. I can feel him. What prompt, you said you're out of pain, so what prompt did you go in? I don't understand. I do as a Leanne goes, just go and get a fucking MRI. But because you were saying something?

Because I'd heard it. Oh, you'd heard it. And it started feeling better. Then I heard it again and it started feeling better. And I was like, I was like, I think I'm good. Like it feels fine, it doesn't hurt. And I'm gonna go. I wonder if you had gone, not gone,

and then was doing some type of tricep extension, if you had just ripped them right off or something. Actually, he said probably not. No. Here's the thing is, at 50% is when you get surgery. And then you tear it over 50% is where you get surgery. Anything below, they go,

it's not worth the surgery. Okay. And so they were looking at me, they're like, well, do the MRI, but the first guy was like, probably I don't need surgery. Second guy, I went to three. Second guy was like, um, third was your guy. Second guy was like, yeah, it's retracted. You definitely want to fix this. I think you need surgery. And I was like, first thing I said, is you have to go under and he was like, no, we put an apple in your mouth. He's like,

what the fuck do you think? Yeah, we put you under. It's like, remember when you told me you're getting a colonoscopy, like, are they put you under? You're like, yeah, you know, a tube up your ass. So, so, so the, the, the, wait, you know how to call an osprey? No. Buddy. I did the test. I did the test. What's the test? They do another one. But you know, they're doing every, they do another one. Now they do it every. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the other one. I got the test. I did the test. What's the test? They do another one. But you know, they're doing everything. They knew another one Now they do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the other one. I got the older one They reduced the a's that you should start doing the met. Oh, not on my guy and so So I got I do the I did the blood work test where they can test for a cancer. Hold on What you're not scheduling. I'm not I'm not gonna call and ask me while they're doing my arms. I'm not going on her twice

Fucking so terrified about going under. They're like, yeah, you just time travel. And I was like, I'm obsessed with my travel. Third. Has not had a colonoscopy, which is absurd. Let's get it scheduled ASAP. You're texting Liam? Yep.

The mind's well doing on Thursday, because I'm not going under twice. Anyway, anyway. So I go to the third guy and the third guy is the one is your guy And he's blown away that I don't have pain. He's like I don't understand how you don't pain. He's like you've you're You're this is torn like you should be feeling this and he's like pushing on it and he goes he goes do you lift weights And I said like got ready for this movie. I lift a lot of weights to get ready for the movie.

So I didn't get hurt and he goes, dude, thank God you did. And I said, really? And he goes, yeah, with this injury, he's like, how did you fall? Did you fall like this? And I was like, I did. Because instead of having my arms under me, I fell out with them.

And that's what overextended it. And he goes, oh, he's like, man. He's like, I'm just telling you, if you hadn't been working out, you might have ripped the fucking tricep right off the bone. And he was like,, he's like, man. He's like, I'm just telling you, if you hadn't been working out, you might have ripped the fucking tricep right off the bone. And he was like, but he was like, in this injury, it's not cosmetic, it's quality of life. Because you can't, you just can't use your arm

the way you would if you wanted to live a life. Like, you know, and so he's like, it's a quality life thing. Have you seen somebody's muscle tear off the bone as they're lifting? I have. And by the way, you wanna see another one? It, no. Go to Larry Wheels Instagram account.

I'm not gonna watch it. Why? I can't see it. What do you mean you can't see it? I don't wanna see it. Like, I've seen them one to try the tip. Yeah, it's just, is that, is that the guy? Yeah, you've seen that.

Where he is, is it, is it, is it, it rips off? Yeah, I'll show you a scroll Dude, and then you got a keep scrolling Mike Berkson has had a bicep rip off a tricep rip off dude. It's fucking it's Keep going And then you got to get it surgically. We attached right scroll up a little bit Is it no it's not that one. No, no, it's gonna be further down, I think. Yeah, dude, it's wild. He's spotting a guy.

And the guy is a big strong dude, and he's doing incline. There it is. On that right one there, it's that one. Oh, and his right pec just comes right off, dude. Oh. Yeah, and that's major weight, you know. and his right pec just comes right off, dude. Oh! Yeah, and that's major weight, you know? Yeah.

Oh, look at that. Yeah. What do they do to him? They're just like, you gotta die. No, he, they reattach it. They reattach it. Think that's why you have a spotter. They see, like, oh my God. Yeah. That's it. I think that's why you have a spotter. See, like, oh my god.

Yeah. Yeah. Tense. That's fucking, uh, man. It's, that's like, my arm was, I have a picture of how, my arm was, but it was back and blue from here all the way up from that fall, from that fall. And, uh, so you tore shit on that fall. I tore shit on the fall the first fall and but I felt good I felt like what did they do without getting this but what did they do?

Let's say afterward like did anybody did you get any type of medical care? No at a risk of not sounding I don't want to sound like I don't want to sound like a Snobby about health care. Yeah, but I was very hesitant. I was very want to sound like a snobby about healthcare. Yeah. But I was very hesitant to go. I went to a Serbian hospital once, because I burned my leg. I don't know if you saw that. No, I didn't see that. I'm such a fucking idiot.

So one day I go- No, cycle? No. No. Pizza oven? I don't know. What the fuck did you do? Ice. Ice? I'd go know. What the fuck did you do? Ice. Ice?

I go for a run one day and I pull, I tweak my, my calf. And so what I do is I go, oh, I'll just put some ice on it. Andrew, like a, I was mad at Andrew for finding these fucking these ice packs because he goes, oh, I got these ice packs. We're ever need ice. Just throw it on there.

And so like an idiot, I threw it on there and wrapped it up. So I get to set and it's, I still on there, it's just directly on the skin, and my skin is like cardboard. It is all burned, like it is my hair. Wait, you'd gone on a run. Yeah. And you guys, you just, you wanted ice just for soreness.

Cause yeah, cause I tweaked muscle and I had to do, I had to do, and like more, I had to do some, and this was a standard ice pack. Standard ice pack, put it on my skin. Okay. because I tweaked the muscle and I had to do, I had to do, and like more, I had to do some acting. And this was a standard ice pack? Standard ice pack. Put it on my skin. Okay. And it burned my skin.

Why did it burn your skin? Because it's an ice burn. Okay. And so you're not supposed to put ice directly on your skin. And so there was a, I'm by the way, I'm trying to, I want to be as fair to everyone as possible and I don't want to sound.

It's hard, one of the things I learned in Serbia is your experience is based on the person you're next to. It's not a broad wide experience. So if I give you what I may believe my perspective on gypsies are based in my experience in Serbia, it's based on one person telling me what they feel about gypsies, okay? Which, that guy didn't like like gypsy so much, okay?

So I can't say, you mean like the rest of Europe? But I don't wanna say Serbia doesn't like gypsies, I can just tell you that I know a guy that really doesn't like gypsies, like really doesn't like gypsies. And he's listening, what up brother? It's funny. You can go anywhere in Europe.

Well like, it's a shared experience. And dude, it was such an interesting, because you, you know, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like coming to the United States and meeting one fucking lunatic and then going, so that's the United States. I know I'm saying that guy's a lunatic, that guy's not, but, but so, so I thought you were gonna go somewhere

else with him, but go ahead. So I don't wanna like, I don't wanna put all my experiences and then this is a broad stroke of Serbia, because it's not. So I burn my leg with an ice pack and sometimes there's this thing in Serbia that I think all sermons would acknowledge where they'd just go, da da da da da da da da da da.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, I don't know why, it happened to me a lot. So I burn my leg with an ice pack and I go up to our, our doctor yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, I don't know why it happened to me a lot. So I burned my leg when I was back and I go up to our doctor and I go, I've hurt my leg. And now there was another guy who had hurt his leg. And someone just translates to her, oh, it's just like his leg. And so she goes, ah, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

And takes my burn and puts icy hot on it. And I'm like, nah, I don't think that was what you're supposed to do. And I was like, I burned my leg. And everyone's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we know, we know. And I was like, hold on, no, I've burned my leg. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And later that night, my leg's bubbled up.

It's all bubbled and filled with pus. The skin's moving. And I go, I think something's happened on my leg. And then the doctor looks at me and she goes, what did you do? And I was like, what? I told you. You did it. She goes, no, they said.

And I was like, so that, that in essence was my fear of going to a doctor because the translation wasn't there. You couldn't, you couldn't properly communicate for yourself. So I handed up having to go to the hospital for my leg. So I went to the hospital and I go into the hospital. By the way, look, I know this is gonna sound super shitty, but whatever.

Like there's no like famous treatment. Remember when we went in to get, remember when we went in to get your arm and leg and I dropped my mask, you go with the fuck you do and I go get a little face time. And I was two nurses looking and I was like, oh shit, I was like, my buddy Tom Sugura's hurt. And you admit that, I swear to God,

I look, call me what you want to God. Call me what you want. Call me, say what you want. You do the same fucking thing, okay? You do the same fucking thing. Your buddy's got a broken arm and a broken leg and you go into a hospital at the peak rate of COVID in Los Angeles and you have an opportunity to go, hey, my buddy, Tom Segura, I'm here,

Burk Reicher is hurt and they go five hour wait time in peak COVID. Everyone's got COVID in that waiting room And then all of a sudden they they go just grab a seat and the guy was dogs girl and they took us to a room Look, I know shitty, but whatever flex when you can flex and you gotta do it I'll say this it's true Yeah, I did it. I fucking did it. I don't care. I do it for my kids too And I don't fucking find a problem with that Lori Loughlin fucking doing that shit in the college

I do the same shit get my dumb kids in the college fucking yeah, they're on the rowing team. You're a good parent Lori Loughlin Who we love is a good parent? How did she get fucking how did she is shorned in the being a fucking bad parent for doing everything Good for a kid. I do the same fucking shit my point is I go into the Serbian hospital, and I already have Netflix hop. I'm like, do you guys have Netflix? It's so bad. Here's the thing is that I wish I could be there just to watch you go like let me try to get some celebrity treatment I wish I could be there. to watch you go like, let me try to get some celebrity treatment. I wish I could be there. I am. I was, you guys know Netflix, the machine,

the machine, the movie, Mark Hamill. You guys, with that Star Wars, I can get you meet you back, whatever. I'm like, because I'm 10, they're just, and they're just like, no, no. So by the way, the wait time is zero. Like I literally saw a doctor within 30 seconds of being in the hospital.

I mean, it was fucking extremely quick. However, I will say that once again, the translation isn't there. And it's like, and this is what's, one of the things I thought, you must understand, because of your mom, but like if you're not an English speaker, like if you're not originally English speaker like if you're not originally English native English native English speech What like me

Native English speech or It must be terrifying to go into yeah into a into a into a machine like that I also know the different like there's so many grades of somebody going. Yeah, I speak English You know, I mean like they go you know speak lunch and was's like oh you know Sasha speak English and then Sasha walks in like Yeah, good day and you're like oh fuck like you don't your English is not good. Yeah like and there's so many levels of proficiency you know oh so it really stands out when the lady traveling the lady gets me up on the thing She's like, she says, what, since me on the table and goes, what happened to your leg?

And I said, I burned it with ice. I burned it with ice, I'd hurt my muscle. And then someone misinterpreted what I was saying. And another doctor put icy hot on it. She goes, why would you ever do that? And I said, hold on, I didn't have her do that. It was a miscommunication. It was a miscommunication.

And she thought I had hurt my leg So she put icy hot on it and wrapped it, which is probably the worst thing. Oh my god. For fucking words. Soak in. Yeah, and so So I go she goes, oh She's let me see it. So she gets up. She goes, all right. Now the one thing I had heard is you do not pop blisters So one thing I heard do not pop your blisters. Mm-hmm Within five seconds this nurse is popping all my blisters. So one thing I do not pop your blisters within five seconds. This nurse is popping all my blisters and going, so how did this happen?

And I go, I just thought we covered that. She goes, no, like these blisters, how did this happen? And I went, I burned my leg. She goes, again, and I go, huh? Huh? And then I'm looking at my friend going, what did you say to her? She was like, I don't know.

And then it said something to her and she goes, oh, super, how many times are you, what leg are we looking at? I'm like, you're already popping glisters. Like it was already, we're already in motion. Like the game's over. Yeah. And then you just go, it's not, it's not,

I have to emphasize this, it's not poor health care. It's this lack of translation. And so when I hurt my arm, they were like, do you wanna go get an MRI? I was like, no. And by the way, and I mean this once again, super respectful. I don't wanna sound, but there are different forms of the way

they perceive health in Eastern Europe. Like one of the big things is like, I remember, I was like, I said something, and one of my co-stars whose Croatian goes, well, yeah, of course, the weather changed. And I was like, what? And I was like, that happens. If the weather, if the clouds come in, you're going to get heavy and you're going to fall asleep. And I was like, no.

And she's like, no, that happens. And I was like, no, that really doesn't. Like, that's not the thing. She was like, it is. And I was like, no, that really doesn't. Like, that's not the thing. She was like, it is. And I was like, no. And then like, yeah. Bro, I have a, I have a nanny from Guatemala. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, we call it a Hispanic panic, you know?

Um, I can say it in my mom's proven. Um, but she does all kinds of thing, you know, it'll be like, yeah, he's not feeling well. And she'll be like, get some baking soda with lemon. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no know, it'll be like, yeah, he's not feeling well. And she'll be like, get some baking soda with lemon. And I'm like, no, no, no. No. No. No.

No. Up here, we do things a little different. We're going to get some Tylenol. First week. First week. This cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro- this cro her name, she's my co-star in the movie, this Croatian chick, she goes, yeah, she's like, and I was like, no, I think I've partyed last time hungover, she goes, no, no, no, look at the cloud cover. She goes, that's what it is, your body comes, it's very pop, you guys, she's like, you

know, in United States, you guys don't pay attention to this kind of stuff. And then all of a sudden, one day, I go, I go, oh, I feel like dizzy, she goes, yeah, I got windy outside. And I was like, no, that's not a real thing. She's like, it is, it is. So like, then I start noticing that like, I'm like, I'm fucking feeling like heavy all of a sudden. I should get a coffee, I walk outside,

and there's cloud cover, and I go, what the fuck's going on? And then I'm like, and then one time, one time, one time I'm doing a scene, I'm on the ground, I'm like, I gotta be calling on my back on the ground. It's a hard explain. And I get up and I'm dizzy, and I'm like, oh, fuck, I walk outside, and I wind hits the ground. I'm like I gotta be crawling on my back on the ground is a hard to explain and I get up And I'm dizzy and I'm like oh fuck I walk outside and I win. It's my face. I go One day one day I

Walk out. I swear to god Tom. I swear to god I walk out open the doors and a cloud storm had just come in and I go holy shit I look down. I'm not lying. There are 30 Serbian's asleep against a wall I'm not even fucking joking and I go and I just go fucking clouds came in I was like and now I'm looking for it here because the Lian goes it's raining and I go Yeah, I got a fucking thing in my head right now She was like and I you start believing it. I swear to God. So yeah Yeah, that's but that's the reason I'm gonna get it on my eye and then I got an MRI hearing

I should listen you I should have gotten the fucking to taking the Xanax I didn't take Xanax. I went and got an MRI and didn't take Xanax. You didn't take it. Why? It was because there's a mixed calculation It was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire and were you head into ball I all had to do his arm. That's it. I still had a panic attack. I still had a panic when you go head in first It's so it's so panic-inducing. It's so tight. And they're like, don't move.

And you're like, it's like it feels, oh man. Especially like the one with the woman there on the right, the far right one. I feel like that's. That's spacious. That feels, that's not a MRI. That's, that, that, that, No, that is.

That is? Yeah, but see, she's going legs first. When you go head's not a MRI, that's that... No, that is. That is? Yeah, but see, she's going legs first. When you go head first, and you feel yourself going all the way, and you can't, you know, you can't come out of it. I think I just go, ah, yeah, I got a brain tumor. That's how I go out, guys. I still can't believe you haven't had a colonoscopy. That's crazy to me. Yeah, but there's also a screening test they do for colon cancer that I've gotten every year, every nine months.

But yeah, I'll tell you right now, I have to say this. Serbia was absolutely fucking. Yeah, I wanted to ask you. So overall, awesome. It was awesome. And you were sober the whole time, shooting the movie? I made a call, right? Yeah.

I made a call. So I have a thing where I can get too close to things. And I'm trying to think of the right way to say this. So when I shot my secret time, I wasn't drinking. I wasn't drinking all the way building up to it. And I had some good shows, but I had some tight ones. And Tony Hernandez was with me. And he was like, he was in Tony Hernandez.

I've known since we were kids. He has a big producer. He's a big producer. Yeah. And I've known each other forever and he goes, hey, I'll just tell you my two cents, I wouldn't change anything up the night of a big special. This is the night before.

And I go, what do you mean? And he goes, I don't know, I know that you're not drinking. And I go, yeah, and he goes, I'm just saying that, you know, if you do something every day and that And I go, yeah, and he goes, I'm just saying that, you know, if you do something every day, and that's how you do it, to change up your schedule, the day before you do a special, may not be the healthy thing.

I'm not saying get fucking wasted. Yeah. But let's go to the bar. Let's have like three beers, four beers, call tonight, but just let's relax. Let's laugh. And I was like, oh yeah. So we went and had four beers, and I got a great special.

And then, so that we go to the shoot the movie and then I go, I'm very conscious of like, at the time, I'm very conscious of what I look like. This cuts back to Bill and Rogan having a conversation with me. I'm like, I don't wanna look too fat. I don't wanna, like, but mind you, this is a movie about me and I'm fat. Like, so for me, all of a sudden,

you're- They're telling, wait, your conversation with them is about the movie? No, a long time ago, I remember remember having a conversation with Joe and Bill, and I said something about being on camera, and they were like, that I came in and you're not like a model. Like no one's ever watching you to be turned on. Like you're a comic, be a comic, be who you are, who you are on stage is who you should be on television, and it wasn't a travel channel at all. And so I get to Serbia and I,

and we have like two weeks of pre-production or stunt training or whatever we do. And so, and I'm like kind of being healthy and not partying and partying a little bit, but I start tailing it off before we start shooting and I get really in my fucking head. I get like all of a sudden I'm like,

I'm like, I gotta fucking, I gotta sweat out. I want my face to fucking head. I get like all of a sudden I'm like, I got a fucking, I got a sweat out. I want my face to look good, I want, and then all of a sudden it's like none of who I am right now. Like right now, I didn't fucking put on fucking getting a sauna before I did this. I just come here and do it. And no one's sitting here going like, ooh, I mean people go, burp looks bloated today,

but it's not losing them, right? Right, right. And so I had a conversation with or just bleep his name out. I'm sorry, it doesn't want to be a part of this conversation, but I had a conversation with bleep it out again. And he goes, and he goes, Hey, man, we bought who you are. Like we didn't buy anything other than the guy that walked in and met me for the first time, the guy party with the guy, that guy, that's who this movie is about. So be that guy. Like you can be that guy that guy so the first day I wanted to make sure I

headed out of the park was a big scene so I didn't drink and I I personally didn't enjoy it a ton. I was really in my head about my acting I was like I was like and that's not who I am ever about anything Leanne got there she was like honey get a great day let's go celebrate and I was like I'm not gonna drink day. Let's go celebrate. And I was like, I'm not gonna drink. She was like, you're not gonna drink. And I was like, no, I'm gonna stay sober for the movie. She was like, I think that's a bad idea. And I was like, really? Listen, enjoy this movie.

Really enjoy it. You may never get to do it again. And I went, and then all of a sudden, I went on jogging. I went jogging. And here's the other thing. I ran five miles every morning. I lifted weights every morning. Like I was healthy, never drank, didn't know

hard alcohol, just drank wine, served you in wine by the way, it's a lot like fit fine. It's fucking amazing. You could run it. I'm sure that folks at Fit Vinyl love that. Yeah, it's, they will. There's no tannins in it.

Like sugar, it's really great. So I hope they have a fit fine reading here. So, but I said to myself, I can't control a lot of this. I can't control a lot of what people, if they like this movie or not like this movie, I'm not in control of that. I can't control how other people act.

I can't really, I can't, the only I can control is I can have a good time on set, I can have a blast doing this movie, and I can make it fun for everyone doing this movie, but I can't do that if I'm like, T totaling my, oh no, no guys, no one for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't wanna go to dinner. I'm gonna go to dinner early.

I would expect you not to be at ripped every day, but to enjoy your time. I enjoyed myself immensely. And you work with Mark Hamill. Yeah. So does he love the machine? You work with Mark Hamill. Yeah. So does he love the machine?

I think Mark has an appreciation for me, much like my father. He's a very sweet guy and he likes me. I think he likes me, but I doubt we'll be, I said to him at one point, I go, Mark, you think we'll be talking much after this and he was like, huh? I look, I'm you think we'll be talking much after this and he was like, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha funny. You don't you don't realize who you are until you hear other people say and until you're around new people

New people that are like he's chaotic He's he's unpredictable and you're just like I'm not unpredictable and everyone else is like leaving serious You just walk him with your shirt off and I was like yeah, but then everyone like that's I do that all the time And they're like you're just like rip your shirt off and walk in and I was like, yeah, but didn't everyone? Like that's, I do that all the time. And they're like, you just like rip your shirt off and walk in and I was like, yeah, like that's, oh, these are supposed to be here the whole time. Okay, nice. All right.

So I think Mark and I got along great. We got along fantastic. But I think I realize a lot more about who I am. That's the weirdest part. It's like starting getting very vulnerable halfway. And I'm like, you start doing scenes about yourself and about your brothers should be through dad. And then all of a sudden you're like,

God, is this who I am? Like, am I this fucking lunatic who, like I did shit on the pizza box to win an election? You know, that's exactly who I am. So you do acknowledge that that's kind of crazy though, right? Yeah, but I don't see it as crazy. You know, it's the same thing with the Kool-Aid. Like, I don't see that as like, bad.

And then I do it. I'm like, you know, today I was like, I was like, I was like, oh, can't wait to tell Thomas, started showering, but I'm showering outdoors. They gave me a high level security guy in Vegas. Yeah. Because like, the casinos were open for the first time and it was Vegas is wide open.

It was July 4th weekend. I had my deal at the Mirage was back, right? Yeah. So they're like, we're just up in security all around for performers. And I was like, okay. And then they gave me this dude who was special forces. And they're like, he's not gonna like talk to you

or anything, but like, if there's any problem, he'll just kill somebody. And I was like, okay. So, I'm walking around one time and yeah. He was like, blah, blah, blah. And they like, he just fades in, you know, like, you just, he stands off. But I, you know, I go to the gym, I go to the,

whatever, walk through the place. And then after one of the shows, I'm at this bar and they close off this area I have friends they came out to the show And we're just hanging out and I see him I still haven't even spoken to him But I I just see him you know, he's just kind of like looking around and I go I'm gonna go to the bathroom So I go to the bathroom and he walks in the bathroom and I still I haven't spoken to him and I just say, hey thanks, thanks for taking care of us this weekend. And he goes, yeah man, drink a bunch of cool aid to keep me going. And I was like, what? And he goes, he goes, that's my, that's the funniest should I've ever seen.

I go, I go, okay, trained killer. Yeah, I don't think you realize who you are sometimes and then you meet new people and then new people see you and they're like, they assess you and then they say things because you're working. And you're like, you know what, I wonder if that's a lot of what like, because the thing with me is I'm very loud.

I'm very, I'm oblivious to anyone else. I'm oblivious to like how I'm perceived at all. And so with Mark, Leanne told me. But you're good at like being quiet, letting people get thought in, you know? Are you done? So it was Mark immediately like, do you ever shut up?

Yeah, he actually said that. Yeah, he actually definitely said that. He actually definitely said that. I wish I could have seen that too. Me and his relationship was identical to the one that he played in this movie as my dad. Like, it was like perfect cast. It was perfect casting. And he is so fucking funny. He's such an amazing actor

Like he really is you forget you forget like because you've known him so long You forget I just forgot he could fucking punch the throttle every now and then we have a scene where he fucking Turn the screws. Yeah, and I started crying. I'm not on camera. I'm not on camera. He's on camera I'm doing just reading the lines of them And then he just does it and I start crying and then and then they're like hey Like that's fucking great. I was like yeah, right? And they're like no, what you did and I go what are they doing? And they're like you started crying. I was like oh that's because he was doing that thing And they're like you mean acting and I was like yeah, and so then we go to do we do to do the turnaround and he does it

And I and I'm you know like I'm like kind yeah, and so then we go to do we do to do the turnaround and he does it and I and I'm you know Like I'm like kind of there and they're like like can you get back to where you were? And I was like yeah tell him to do the thing he did earlier and they're like oh so they go to mark They're like I turn the screws on Bert and he does it again. He does thing where he touches my face Like I cried so much in this movie really I cried so much just making it, this is like crying the whole fucking three months. I cried so fucking much. Oh! Didn't I look up at another chick?

Oh yeah! Did I kiss? I talked to her, I've talked to her about this, so she's comfortable with me telling the story. Okay. She, uh, do you get there and you're like, I'm fucking a chick from Serbia.

I'm fucking a chick. I tell Yann, so I know I have, so like, I don't want to talk too much about the movie at all. Like, meaning, I don't want to tell like too much of the details. But I know that there is this weird scene where I have to kiss someone. Or someone has to kiss me.

And I make a joke about it with Leanne, right? Yeah. So then, um, Wait, going into it, like going before you go, do you guys ever have a conversation that you have a kissing scene? Oh yeah, and I'm, you know me. I'm bustin' Leanne's balls whole time.

And is she laughing about? So there's an arrangement. Like, I get to make out with people and then you can't. And she's like, don't talk like that. It's kind of gross. And I was like, whatever, you know, like I'm making jokes about it non-stop. And by the way, the scene isn't even a make-out scene. And so it's just a regular like, it's like, yeah. And so, but I'm joking about it, joking about it. And, and then, and then I have a scene. And with the girl that plays my wife, Stephanie, who's an amazing actress, a really amazing actress, and I'm not giving the scene the right attention.

Like I'm not doing the right thing in the scene. And she witnesses it in the scene. And it's supposed to be like a heartfelt scene where I am like dialed in for whatever reason. And by the way, I really think it was my second day acting and by the way second A acting forever like ever ever and in the middle is like third take she Senses that I'm not dialed in and so I don't know where she kisses me and slaps me and all of a sudden

I'm in I'm fucking in and and we finished seeing there like that was great. I was fucking awesome and They're like do it again, same way. And then I was dialed in for the whole fucking rest of the day. And I said, why did you do that? She goes, yeah, you weren't paying attention. You were kind of thinking about, like, I could see you listening, but not really listening. You were listening to talk, you weren't talking.

And I was, and she was like, you know, I just thought like, like, it would be better to like, it would better to get you into the moment, you know? And I was like, I go, that fucking really worked. But I just kissed a check and I, it wasn't planned, right? And I was like, and it caught me, of course, I called you in that night. I go, hey, I gotta tell you, like, I kiss someone.

You're such a homo. She was, yeah, I know it's in the scene. And I go, no, no, it wasn't in the scene. It was about, I didn't, and by the way, I had told other people on set, like it's, it's sort of, it was very interesting, it's that it's very touchy. Like everyone's touching each other. It was, me too, it was not really splashed over there. I don't think anyone's sexually harassing anyone, but people are touching each other on

set, they're like, sitting each other's laps. Like it's really like touchy, really. And someone had touched me and I had said to them, hey just you know, like I'm cool with that, but like I'm not gonna touch you back. And I just want to make sure that you know, like cause in my head I'm, you know, all thinking about like people's fucking comfort zones. So in this, this kiss happened, I called in,

I go, hey it happened. Like I don't, I just want you to know that I feel weird about it. Cause I've never kissed a girl like 19 years. It's just your 20 years, it's just been you't, I just want you to know that it, I feel weird about it, because I've never kissed a girl like 19 years. It's just your 20 years, it's just been you. And I just kissed so much, because, bird, it's in the fucking scene. I go, it actually wasn't in the scene.

I go, she did it. It was out of nowhere. She goes, no, I thought you had a scene with her. I go, no, no, she goes, I think tomorrow you're like, straight legit kissing her. And I went, what? She goes, tomorrow you're like, legit,

you come home off the road. And you got a kisser in the end, and it's like, I'll be there. I'm gonna watch it. I was like, you're like legit you come home off the road and you got a kisser in the end It's like I'll be there. I'm gonna watch it. I was like you don't watch me kiss someone. She's like yeah I'm a producer on the movie. I'll be watching your kisser and I was like so I go to the script real quick and I'm like Bert Bert legit kisses this chick and I'm like, huh? This is in the movie It's like I'm having a stroke sometimes. I was like, I got a fucking planet kiss with someone. Should I go up to this?

It's definitely, I'm like, no. So this is gonna happen? She was like, yeah, yeah, it's acting. Trust me, it's fine. I was like, it's acting for you. I'm like, I'm gonna come in my pants. Dude, I got so carried away with it that like not, like everything acting as fucking normal right everything acting as normal

But I just got so comfortable lians there that we did a pickup scene and I wasn't even in the right costume And I wasn't on camera and I kissed her off camera Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Wait, it'd be honest. Did you get hard? No. No, I definitely had to do a costume change. No. I definitely guarded myself, but no. No. No. No. No.

No. I just partied with Stephanie and her husband this weekend in the Borgata, last weekend in the Borgata. We could not stop laughing. That like, you did, you had to kiss, I had to kiss her like 14, 15 times, right? Like back, back, back, back. And you just get so comfortable with it

that they change you at a cost wardrobe. And you go back to your trailer and you're like, I'll see you there. No, it's literally, literally, we go back to do the scene and I'm not on camera. I'm not on camera. I'm running my size, I'm not on camera. She's not on camera.

We're behind the camera. And the kiss happens and I kiss her again. Everyone's like, the fuck are you doing? I watch she say, she was called off guard, she's like, okay, and I was like, what? And then they're like, you're not on camera, and then Andrew goes, he's not on camera, he's not even the right worker.

I could not, I was such a fucking idiot, but I was like, I think that's the way I looked at the whole movie, is like everything was like the first time, like, doing everything, like everything. It was so, I'll tell you man, it was the fucking greatest time of my life. It was the greatest experience I've ever had, and I can't, I never thought I ever wanted to do movies ever, and I can't wait to do another one.

Really? Yeah, like that. That, that, I'll be honest with you. Surprises me. I thought, I thought that you would have enjoyed the experience, that you'd be proud of it and that, you know, that it was an awesome experience for you. And in my head, for some reason, I pictured you coming back and being like, you know, it was great.

I can't wait to people to see it. God, I don't want to do another movie forever. Oh, no, it was like, it was cool. Like, see it. God, I don't wanna do another movie forever. Oh no, it was cool, like, because you formed, like the bonds you formed, like that, that's like very, yeah. And you'll be friends with some of them, you'll be like in contact with some of them forever. Oh, dude, Stephanie and her husband,

and then Jess Gabor, who played Georgia, came out to the Borgata and had dinner with me, Leanne, Georgian, all Georgia's friends. And just we had the greatest dinner in Georgia and all our friends were like dying over Jess and Leanne and Steph are like, they even, Steph and I and Leanne, because we were all there together, we went to the, we went to the US ambassador's house. Yeah. That was fucking insane. But like we all got really, really close. And so, I- It's Steph American?

Yeah, yeah, she, she's amazing. She was on Wolf of Wall Street. She was in the Irishman. She's a fucking amazing actress. And it really is. And I learned so much just by being around her. Cause she would like, it's gonna be like little things go like,

yeah, you do this or, you know, like, she was, I mean, the best. And even with like the kissing stuff, which, it sounds, I make jokes about it now, but like, I was uncomfortable this or you know like she was I mean the best and even with like the kissing stuff Which it sounds I make jokes about it now, but like I was uncomfortable. I get it You know you know me like I'm not because I'm I don't I don't have like a There I'm too honest about things. Yeah, so and I was honest with her about them like how and she was like I was like am I cheating are we cheating right now? She's like no, we're not cheating. We're working And then I was like I was like yeah, but it felt like we're kissing. Like we're kissing.

It's cheating, right? She's like, it's not cheating. I go, so what's the difference between, like, they go cut. And then that's a wrap. And then we kiss again. Is that cheating? And she's like, that's cheating. I go, okay.

What if we didn't hear the cut? And she's like, okay, you're overthinking. And I was like, yeah, yeah. I was like, no, but this is how it should work. Because then I start going, that's how Brad and Angelina started. Yeah. They did a scene. I mean, then I started going like,

so like, well, you can get carried away in that bubble, for sure. 100%. And it takes like a very strong person to go like, like, this is work. And you, and you know, you just got to be in love with the person you're married to, I guess, ultimately, because like, but, but it, it's so, it totally, it makes so much sense. Because all I thought was like, and that one scene where she kissed me and slapped me, I go, so honestly, could I do that to a co-star? Could I kiss a co-star and slap them?

Because I'm cool with it, because I want her to get the most out of me, but that is a weird juxtaposition, is if a dude's like, I'm not getting enough out of my check. You know, that would be, I don't know if there's a... Listen, there's a difference. Yeah, there is, yeah, right? So I'm so glad she did it to me

because it made me act better. I got slapped once in a scene for this pilot. I got slapped a lot. Well, this was a, again, they had talked about it. The director and the actress. And she's supposed to be my wife and the thing. And they wanted more of a reaction from me. She's supposed to be like kind of yelling at me.

And they told her slap him. She's a, let's say a strong woman. Yeah. We're daughter-of-a, and she slaps the fucking shit out of me, right? So I was like, and they were like, that was awesome. And I was like, okay. And I was like, yeah, I really wasn't expecting that. And they're like, I know, right?

And then we go, take two, she does it again. Which this time, I'm kind of expecting them, and I'm like, hey, that fucking hurts, right? The fifth take, the fifth take, I'm like, I'm gonna rip your fucking hair out of your head. If you do that again. So we kind of knocked that off, but it's like it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, Yeah. I got slapped a lot. And throughout the movie? Yeah. By different people? Everyone.

Okay. Everyone. You want to see one person that slapped me? Sure. I know that, dude. He slapped you. Dude, there's... He for real slapped you? There was like, I don't know man, I don't want to talk too much about the movie because

I want people to see it. I want one of the things I know. Do you have any idea what it's going to come out? No, no I don't. I think maybe like the beginning of next year. It was cool as fuck. And you have no idea is it it gonna be a theatrical release? I don't know. I mean I hope. I hope so. I all say is there's like there's 19 different movies inside this movie.

This movie is is a lot. I think people won't. I think hopefully people won't expect what they see. And so that's when you see, I got really into it. Because you know obviously, I mean, I've talked to you a lot throughout this making of this. I got really into the idea of making movies. It's really a cool thing to sit back and to, and to be an executive producer, for the record, that's the fun part, it's to be an executive producer,

to sit and attend, to watch takes, to see a guy like Peter Tensio or director work. And just this guy, to see what it goes into it, you're like, okay, I know I'll never be a director. I don't have that, I don't have what Peter has, like that mind for what it needs to, what needs to go in to make a movie. I mean, he has attention to detail was so, that,

like it was he had to pay attention to every little detail where you're like, what the fuck? Like, and then not only like, what the fuck? And then not only that, just the little details about like what's in the room or what's in the thing. The thing I was blown away about with directors when I was on a set of a movie was how everyone is asking them questions.

You know what I mean? Like somebody goes, should we do this or that? And they go, the blue one. And then the guy goes, which like, we'll dial that back. And then the person, and the meanwhile guy goes, which light will dial that back and then that person and the meanwhile. So there's 50 people doing that and I'm like, Hey, how do you like, but should I say it like this or do it me to come in with this attitude and the director is calm.

If it if that, you know, they're good. Yeah, can take everybody's different questions about nope, lift that up. Pad's light. This kind of that, I'd like the other shirt more, do this. Yeah, you're acting, be higher. No, you kind of bring it down a notch

and they're having it all coming at once and I go like, how do you fucking navigate this? This seems so overwhelming. It's so nice to be a producer and to sit and attend and just see things and then, and by the way, great producers, you can put his name in this time. Kale, like great producers, yeah,

put his name in this time. He is, his insight, like what they see and what they see and what they think is working is like invaluable. I mean, invaluable, like, or like, just to come in and be like, hey, it's feeling flat. And you're like, oh yeah.

And then to fix things on the fly, that was, it was so much fun to do that. And then, just to be like me and all the people I acted with, and this goes back to the not drinking or drinking thing. Because I thought to myself, I wanna create a family with them. I want them to have a great time when they're here. I want them to have the best time they've ever had.

And so like one night, I got two semolays to bring about 10 cases of wine to my house. And I was the only one with a house. And so I had this like four story house. And so I had them bring four cases of wine. I catered it. And I had all the crew members, all the cast members over, and we did a wine tasting.

Started with champagne, went into rosé, went into whites, went into a light red, a dark red, a boulder wet red, and then they left all the wine there, and then we just partied all night. And it was all, we were all test-em-roll in the same bubble. And it was like, it was great. We watched the sunset, drinking rosées, and then another night I was like, all right, I wanna get a private booth. I'm gonna go somewhere where, because it was a lot about staying in the bubble.

So you go in, and by the way, Serbia was wide open at the time. But I was like, I wanna get a VIP booth where no one can contact us, and we can go to, so I did things like that where I spent a little money to make sure that everyone, and that was from you. When you were like, it's so nice to treat a friend, like bring people on the road. And I kept thinking, like,

because it was, for me, it's money. I have a hard time, it sounds crazy, but I have a hard time spending money. But I was like, spend a little money and make sure that everyone has the greatest time of their life. So we got a ping pong table. We always brought, we always got dinner for everyone. We always had booze at our house.

And we have parties every like our days off for Monday, Tuesday. We had a party Monday night for everyone to come over had booze at our house, and we had parties every like our days off for Monday, Tuesday, we had a party Monday night for everyone to come over, sit in the pool, we get a karaoke machine, like we do stuff so that everyone had a good time because you couldn't really do much out of the bubble. And dude, we were the tightest group, all the actors,

and then all the producers, all the, and like the cameraman, like it was like, really, really, really a great experience. And I think I got lucky based on leadership. Like the people at Legendary kind of put me together with like a very tight team. Like I didn't realize how hard it was to get Peter Tenscio to direct a movie.

Like I didn't realize what a, because he just doesn't pick every movie. Yeah, I didn't realize that, and then he start understanding why people don't do projects. You're like, oh yeah, I don't want to fucking be with those people. Oh, right.

Yeah. And so because you're also with them, like you're really with them. Yeah. Oh, for months. You better and you better be able to fucking like I had an instance where someone was like, your personality is very aggressive. And I had to figure out how to be less aggressive. And I was like, not aggressive, but like a very loud,

very loud. The language barriers were off. So sometimes someone would say something and I would be like, what did you mean? And I was like, I had to figure out on the fly. Like, do I get my feelings hurt? Or do I go, how do I grow in this moment so that we can work together?

And I did. And it was fucking awesome. And then I'll send you a better person. And you're becoming tighter with this person than you leave and you're both crying. Like, this is the greatest experience of my life. It was so fun. I can't wait till we do this. And then we'll send you a better person and you're becoming tighter with this person and then you leave and you're both crying like, this is the greatest experience of my life. Yeah.

It was so fun, I can't wait till we do this. I can't wait. I honestly can't wait. I can't wait on so many levels because I can't wait to sit and watch you do things for the like where you're like, I guess not working and then watch the way your brain works.

And you know, like that's, it's so fucking cool, man. And I can't wait for you to be like, no, no, no, it is. It is working, Tom. You'd be shocked. You'd be shocked. Well, the one thing I walked away with was letting go of control.

Really? Yeah, hardcore because if you do, if you, if you try to control everything, it'll make you fucking crazy. True. And so I, the very first day, I said I went to Peter and to Kale and I was like, hey, just you know, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, okay? So don't, I don't know.

You can, as far, you can go up and give me a line read if you want. Tell me the saddest day if I'm not doing it right. But if I'm not doing it right, let me know. And Peter is like, I will never let you not do it right. He was like, I will make let you not do it right. He was like, I will make sure that everything we get, you have done right. And he goes, you gotta trust me on certain things,

because there's gonna be things that you're gonna go like, I don't think I like the way that looks. Trust me, I'm seeing it from a different angle, and I'm always gonna represent you in the right way. But it may be like certain ways that you may not be comfortable with because I'll never let you look like a fool. And I was like, I was like, okay. And so I just trusted 100%.

I let go. Certain things I had weird fucking things about like, right, it was just jokes where I was like, what if we did this? What if we did that? What if we, you know, that was it, but it was a fucking blast, man. I can't wait.

I want to get back on the road. I'm excited to go back on the road, but I'm also excited to do this again with you. It's gonna be fun. And by the way, everyone's like, what are you talking about? Oh, wait, it's pretty cool. It's pretty ridiculous.

It's pretty ridiculous. I could transition out of this and just be a fat cat movie producer. Yeah, be great. Yeah, just be a fat cat movie producer. Live up in the hills, divorce Liam. That's the other thing. That's the other thing is that I feel like I broke the fucking damn. Yeah.

Kissed the chick acting. I was like, what was the difference to me? Yeah. What is the difference? I mean, honestly, what is the difference? I mean, maybe you leave here today and you just kiss someone else. The best part is, the best part is, this is going to come off meme, whatever. You guys know who I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We get done, Stephanie, I get done that scene that day and we go out to dinner. You're like, what's that mouth do? I know. We all go out to dinner that night. It was a beautiful fucking dinner, Leanne, Stephanie. Jess, everyone goes out to dinner, the D.P. director. We get back that night and Leanne's like, so you want to kiss old Faithful

and I was like, beat it, Sizzle or Lips. Daddy's got a taste for the finer thing in life. It's funny, dude, it is a fucking interesting because then you start going like in your head, you go three months away from your wife, especially when she's pissing you off, is a long time. Pretty nice. You're like, is it a best thing?

What's the matter? Dude, I was fucking. She was like, I told her I got on one with jog one day. I was like, all right. I was like, I'm her I got on one of my jog one day. I was like, all right. I was like, I'm gonna funk. I had a weird week in the, towards in the tail end of the movie, like month to go, I had a weird week where I was like,

my leg was burned, my arm was hurt, I lost a tooth, like I was just beat to fucking shit. And I was like, I was like, all right, I'm gonna rally. I'm gonna change my energy. I have the ability to change my energy. And so I'm like, I'm gonna go for a jog in my favorite park. I'm gonna get a good mood. Tilt some coffee, go for a jog, land calls, I go.

I'm changing my energy, I drive my ship. I'm not letting anyone drive my ship. I'm not hurt, I'm feeling better. I'm going for a jog. I'm not letting anyone drive my ship. I'm not hurt, I'm feeling better, I'm going for a jog, I'm putting myself in a good mood and I'm powering through this last month in the best way possible. And I did, I did for real.

But at that moment, Leanne goes, okay, maybe now's not a good time to have this conversation. And I went, what do you mean? She goes, well, just, our house isn't gonna be ready. And I went, I fucking love it. I go, I just told you I was in a good mood. I told you, I'm trying to write my boat. Why would you think now is a good time

to give it in the worst mood you still get? And she was like, what? I scheduled an MRI for you when you got home. What? And I was like, hold on, are you shitting all over everything I have? And she was like, she's like, no, I just want you to have realistic expectations

of what you're coming home to. And I was like, I'm just like, where's Stephanie? Where's my movie wife? Yeah, it was funny because you could tell like when we went when we partied the bogata, Leanne stayed out with us all night long. Like she was like, um, fucking bring it and she was like, um, fucking bring it. And she was like, I'm fun. I'm fun as a fuck. Fuckin' drinking. I don't need a fucking wasted. Yeah.

This is lookin' at her like, sure lady. Jesus Christ. We need to have lots of kissing scenes in our movies. We should have full-bond, we should be porn. Well, we should have, here's the thing. If we're doing a movie, we're not gonna stop at a kissing scene, are we?

By the way, why don't we depiece someone? Hey, dude, why don't we just transition gently into comic porn? Yeah, yeah, I'd be like, honey, I was acting. I'm working. I'm working. Get out of the room, get her out of the room. She's like, I'm working. I'm working get out of the room get her out of the room She's a losing my heart on get her out of the fucking room

Yeah, we should totally do that by the way You know, I'm gonna get a fucking call from legendary today like can you please not talk about the movie at all? You did not give anything away. I know I mean, it's it's funny That's the other the other thing that's that's weird about this experience is going from what we do to like a corporate environment where everything's kind of checked and balanced was different oh bro different I got a fucking call I gotta maybe I shouldn't I gotta call they're like uh stop putting shit on Instagram really That's why I fucking hopped off Instagram for like I was not barely on Instagram for fucking three months forgiving stuff away No, just it was yeah like by the way there are 19 examples. There was a really funny thing you posted

It was on set where you were like jogging behind a train and and Hamil was sitting there and then you're like Hey, work, and then he was like oh god pull it down I got pulled down. Dude, I, because I, I just didn't, I didn't have like, you know, I'm an open book. And so everything I do is an open book. I go to the hospital, I sit on an open book. I have a party, I sit on an open book.

It's like, I get fucking on set in my, that was a big thing. It's like, anything in costume, can't post, anything, anyone else in costume can't post, anything on set can't put. and you get these fucking sets Tom were you know my brain yeah this huge fucking they me like an elaborate amazing set yeah I mean the most amazing sets and I'm like I can't do anything with this and I was like you're tearing this down we just did one thing here and they're tearing it down and they're like yeah tell you make a movie and I go I was like, can I please use this for like a promo and they're like, no, that's ours. We build it. We get to use it

I was like mother fucker. I was losing my I mean they would build the tension. Did they I mean I can't even tell you what they built Can you see in a movie and you'll never know that they built it and you'll think it's a real thing and it's not a real thing No, I've seen movies. I know that but I didn't never knew that that's how that happened. That's what I think it's fucking insane. It's really insane. No, it's amazing, it's amazing. I'll tell you what else is amazing is the fucking C-DU you got me.

I fucking love that thing. I love it so much that I got another C-DU No. That is even faster. Shut the fuck faster. And then they were like, hey, you can take the governor off this thing and it'll go 75. And I was like, no. Because I got it to go 63. And I was like, this is so fast on the water. Oh my god. It's amazing though. it's so fun. That is the most fun thing is, and I've, for the lake,

it's just after sunrise, the lake is glass, and a lot of times, like, right before sunset. But sometimes, middle of the day, it can be pretty choppy, but man, that sunrise one, that if you get out there like right 645 7 it's fucking so fun. God. I can't I can't imagine Six months from now when we're both healed from our injuries. We should go for a ride and Then we're all going down to Grand Prairie where do you live Grand Prairie Grand Prairie Texas?

Austin. Oh Austin. that's right. Waco, is that where you guys moved? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. How is it? How is Texas? It's great man. It's great. Yeah. What's it? If you've seen any Texas type things, we're like, we're like, look at the boys. We're like, oh guys, we don't say that around here. No, I'm like, you're just gonna talk this way.

Just get used to it, man. Oh, they're gonna get access. They might, I mean, Julian really might. He's so young. All right, daddy. Yeah. Daddy, mama. Mama and daddy.

Oh my god, I can't wait to go out there. And I go, so is this your mama and daddy? And they're gonna go, huh? I'm just gonna plant it. Howdy. He got cowboy boots for his birthday. So funny. He walks in and like a fucking like a just born deer.

He's like, Wait, does he call you Paul? No, they don't do any of that yet. And when you know when your dogs are getting old, when you're gonna take them out in the back, you're gonna shoot them. They think of all the Texas things you get to do now. Yeah, actually with our dumb dog,

I might do that next week. And I get the boys, come here, she's being stupid. Pow, I'm just shooter. Do your kids think it must be weird because your kids only know you guys is handicapped? It's so weird. I realized, because I came home from this, this was a scheduled operation. And I was like, I told Christine, I was like, you realize that you just think that like,

adults are injured a lot. If they just think that like, you're supposed to be in a cast all the time. That's fucking crazy. They've seen in six months a fucking straight brace on my leg. Don't touch this arm, crutches, and then her. And she's walking over the cane. Boot, cane, scoot, scoot, and then her next one over the cane boot cane

Scoot scoot and then new thing and they're just like yeah, that's just what happens Adults get really hurt all the time Do they like do they like Texas can you tell you like the yard or something? There's a much bigger yard and they're they're playing all the time They're and Ellis is that kid Ellis is the kid you know when you're a kid There's a kid who's like, I'll pick up that frog and you're like, what the fuck?

That's him. Oh, you couldn't do that in LA. And also, I just remember like knowing that there's that kid that's comfortable. He came and he's like, check this out. I go, what the fuck is that? You got a frog?

Yeah, he put it in the- I loved catching frogs, I'm okay. I didn't do that shit. I used to get a, I used to get one of those little pools, those kitty pools. Yeah. And I go find holes. I used to get a I used to get a one of those little pools as kitty pools Yeah, and I go find holes I put a hose in the hole flooded out with frogs catch all the frogs put them in the kitty pool and then I play with frogs in the kitty pool

But then one of the one of the dudes working on the house was like that's not a frog That's a toad so you just be careful. We might get war it's like hey take that fucking thing outside man. Wait, what's it? What's it was you in a toad and a frog? There's gotta be a great setup for a joke there. Yeah, I think you just did it. It's like the difference between jelly and jam. But I can't jelly my dick and someone's ass. I heard a good joke.

Can we hear a good joke? Okay. Frogs have long legs, longer than their head and their body, which are toads on the other hand, of much shorter legs, a quarter crawl round rather than hop. For toes to have dry, warty skin. Can you get words from a toe? Does that real?

Yeah, they piss on you. No. Yeah. I have, I'd words all growing up. Do you think that's from catching toes? Oh, that's a myth. It's a myth. It's a myth. Yeah, but she's a myth. It's a myth. It's a myth. Yeah, but she's my myth.

So... So why don't you get all those words, you think? I don't know. I'd like, I'd have word here. I'd word to all over my hands. I always thought it was from playing with frogs. I just put them in my dick. So there was...

This joke made me laugh. This is one joke I heard in Serbia. I'm gonna make it. And the, so there was, this joke made me laugh. This was one joke I heard in Serbia. Okay. There was a pretty good joke. Shout out to Phil. What's that Phil? He goes, there's a guy goes to prison, right? I'm gonna do it in a little bit of a pretty shacksink,

so I heard a pretty skytelit. Oh good. It's better that way. And he's like, guy goes to prison. First day of prison, he gets his new cellmates, big cellmates, his big motherfucker. And he's, oh, he got his new cellmates. Big cellmates is big motherfucker. And he's, oh, he's got a shirt off already. And he's sitting in the corner of the bed.

And he goes, hey, and he goes, all right. One thing you need to know. First night, we play a game called Mommy and Daddy. I don't think I was, okay. And he goes, I don't think I want to play. He goes, you have to play. You have to play. And pick which one you want to be.

And then Guy goes, hi. I mean, if I have to play, you have to play, and pick which one you wanna be. And then guy goes, hi. I mean, if I have to play, obviously I wanna be daddy, and he's okay, fine. So come over here and suck mommy's cock. Hahaha. So that was my joke. And then someone goes, oh, we have a German version of that. And then I was like, really?

And he's like, yeah. And he goes, God gets into, but hold on, do a a German version of that. And I was like, really? And he's like, yeah. He goes, God gets into, oh, hold on, I'll do a German accent. Oh, God gets into prison. God goes to prison. And the first night, the guy goes, he meets his new roommate, big guy, shirt off. And he goes, okay.

So here's the deal. You can do this. This is gonna happen. You can do it with spit. You can do it without spit. And the guy goes, we mean, he's like, what's gonna happen? You can do it with spit. You can do it without spit. And the guy goes, well fuck, I definitely want to do it with spit. And he's like, all right, spit, he wants you to do it too. Those are two jokes, I heard. That was a good joke.

By the way, I'm already nervous that some of the legendaries can be like, don't mention that we told dirty jokes on set. Oh God. That's where my brain goes with fucking corporations. They were really good bosses. We're gonna like working for them. By the way, it's gonna be so hard. It's gonna be so hard.

Yeah. It's gonna be really hard not to. You know. Yeah, I mean, it's gonna be really hard. Call the horse over here. Yeah, because a lot of our collaboration, a lot of them we think of funny things was when we do this.

Yeah. And so all the sudden. Yeah. All right, should we wrap up? Yeah, we should actually. And also, let's go get coffees. Oh, is this a bit? Yeah, it's a bit.

Would you wanna go get coffees, like, you'll get done and go get coffees? I mean, that's what I said, but it's one of my new bits. You wanna see where it goes? Yeah, let's see where it goes. Let's go get coffee. Okay, okay, I didn't know what you're saying. I was like okay. I was like hey, can you get me a weight loss program for my surgery?

Look how did you lose weight doing surgery? You just stop eating now you started eating clean for real for real I did it today in a hotel dude. What are you eating egg whites and spinach? That's what I have for breakfast like I Just found this new in place by my new house. Give out the address. Actually, can you take that out? The one thing, the one thing,

can you take out all the stuff that would tell anyone, the one thing the girl said is do not tell people where we live. You can do, first of all, it's not that crazy what I'm doing. You know, I'm not like, it's not that crazy what I'm doing. I'm not like super strict about it, but I try to eat clean as much as I can. And if you're not moving a lot, especially after surgery, you should try or do the other thing.

Gashrik bypass? No, get super fat, and then the movie comes out, they'll be like, you look great then. Try to damn it, look how skinny part was. Yeah. So get last thing before we go. Yeah. So going under, how scary is it?

No, it's the best. It's my favorite thing to do. I wish I had another surgery coming up. For real is it, what do you, do you dream of anything? No, you just, like, you just, you know they're gonna put you into like the deepest, darkest sleep. And it's gonna be, you might die, but you might not. That's all I'm thinking is Bill Paxton. Bill Paxton died under anesthesia?

Pulled up. Yeah. We don't know anesthesia, yeah, they just put them under and he had complications and they're like, yeah, that shit happens. Stroke. Oh, two weeks. He suffered a stroke. Oh.

Wait, type in Bill Pullman, maybe it was Bill Pullman that died. Is that they both died in surgery? No, he's dead. He's super dead. Brain dead. Yeah. Cold feet.

Oh, that's the name of one of his movies. I'm sorry. No, he is still alive, huh? Wait, is he dead or alive? Is Bill P-Pyman... Wait, is he dead or alive? Is bullpup... Just... can we get like a... Is bullpaxed in a bullpax? Dude, do the image, do the image on bullpulman. Bullpulman in bullpaxed in our...

Type in bullpulman in bullpaxed in. Okay. It's the same... they look like the same person, don't they? Wait a minute. That dude... Wait, which bill's dead? Bill Paxton. Which is which one?

That guy's dead? Yeah. Fuck, man. General anesthesia, CZ. No, it's its stroke. Yeah, but from surgery. Oh. I think. No, it's it's stroke. Yeah, but from surgery. Oh, I think. No, I think anesthesia's the best.

I thought he died during... I would listen if I was like Michael Jackson level famous, I would have Michael Jackson's doctor giving me propofall every night to go to sleep. Really? Yeah. See, yeah, but I quit drinking for it. What do you mean? Like I quit drinking. I stopped drinking for two weeks so that I can be ready for my surgery.

You haven't been drinking? No. What was the last time you had a drink? Two weeks ago. Or no, well, it's now 10 days ago, leading up. It'll be two weeks until I like it won't. Why? Why? Well, how does that affect anything? I have fucking no. I just was like the last thing I'm going to do. Now, when you get out, you know you're not supposed to have even water 12 hours before it's started. Yes, so how's that work? So they have to be able to answer degrees like at 6 a.m.? No, sometimes they do them later.

And just 12 hour, 12 hour is generally what it is, generally, not you have to check for your own. And so you can't even have water. Not even water, yeah, they want you empty. Why? Because, you know, you're gonna be intubated so they don't want anything that like could come up. Sometimes depending on the operation,

they're going down or going up and they don't want to, like if you, when they do the colonoscopy, which you're gonna have, you know, they tell you, you know, that's a good fart. Yeah. So it tells you I have a whole healthy colon. Yeah. They flush, you know, that's a good fart. Yeah. That tells you I have a whole healthy colon. Yeah. They flush, you know, you flush your system

and you're pounding water and this fluid to make you like shit everything out. During that time, you can have gatorade, but you're like, you have to read the thing because then it says, lemon lime. Because if you have red or blue gatorade, it'll look like blood and they'll be like, this guy's dying.

It'll just look completely like blood and they can't differentiate the two. So yeah, so do you have colonoscopy? How many times have you been put under? Luckily, it's been a lot lately. I got put under last week for this. I got put under for the colonoscopy. I got put under for when Ioscopy. I got put under for when I broke when they repaired the arm. I got put under when they did the herni ethics. And

those are all this year, all in the last. You've been put under five times, four times. It's not been. Did I be ever been put under? Yeah, I have. For real? Was it awesome? No, yeah, it's the best. I tore my ACL and I had diverticulitis. You've diverticulitis? I did. They cut it out. Cut out his intestines. So am I the only one that hasn't been under?

Is going under for wisdom teeth the same as going under? Because everyone's always like, why am I wisdom teeth taking out? I was like, I guess so. I mean, it's anesthesia, but it's so much better what you're gonna do. So much better. Yeah, and then here's what's gonna happen. They're gonna be like,

you'd be like, what can it die? And they're like, maybe. And then they'll turn on. They're gonna say, maybe. No, they're gonna be like, you're fine, you're fine. We all graduated school. And then they'll,

they'll be like, what's your favorite music? And you're like, well, like all right. Oh, yeah, so you don't listen to it. You don't bring headsets. Oh, no, no, no. They're gonna, they're gonna talk to you and you'll just be asleep.

And then you'll be in recovery, meaning you'll be in a different room than they operated you in. And you'll just be like, ugh, like coming, it'll be like a bear coming out of hibernation. For real? A swear to God. And then they'll be like, Bert coming out of hibernation. For real? A swear to God.

And then they'll be like, Bert, surgery went great and they'll start filling you in. They'll be like, you'll go thirsty and your throat will bother you because you were intubated so you'll have like a tube will have been down your throat. The rest of the day, your throat, your chest will be kind of like, you know, you'll try to speak and it might be dry. Yeah. They'll give you crackers and water, like things to kind of start letting you eat again.

And then they'll come in and tell you, guess what? We repaired the tendon and it went exactly the way it was supposed to go. We didn't know that you have MS. Yeah. That's the worst that they go. We got in there.

Yeah. Yeah. So you're gonna to be on a new regimen pretty soon. Any derivation off of, like I have a, like, I, I, do that, and you can, you can get a cocktail before you come in, right? Like, you can be like, load me up. No, like, yeah. Oh, they can, yeah, if you're like, I am really nervous. Did you do that? No, I did it because I wasn't at that time.

But the time when I had the hernia is when they also did my vasectomy and they did it the same time. So when I was nervous because it was of the vasectomy and I was like, oh, you know my balls. And I heard one of the nurses go, he's nervous. And the anesthesiologist was like, I'll give you a little something here in a second. And then they, they already, I gave you the IV

and then he was like cranked it and then it was just like, what did they give you? What did they give you? I didn't ask. I was just like, fuck and take the edge off, man. Mm-hmm. Dude, I'm telling you, I'm looking for surgeons

to do this shit. That's gonna make coffee. So that's all anesthesi So that's all they do. And all they do, they don't know how to... Well, they put you under, and then they try to keep you alive. That's all they do. So they just check your... And they have to consider the type of operation,

the duration of the operation, the patients' conditions, you know, they're putting under a child, a 30-year-old woman, a 360-pound man, like they have different, so then they differentiate the different medications, how long, and then of course, considering the person's conditions might be like this person, doesn't need to be intubated for this procedure, this person does, like, you know,

all types of different things like that. I hope I don't need to be intubated for this procedure. This person does, like, you know, all types of different things like that. Oh, I hope I don't, I don't want to be intubated. You're going to be. You think? Absolutely, because you have sleep apnea and... Yeah, you have sleep apnea. Yeah, so they're going to absolutely intubate you. Really? Of course. Is that why you got intubated?

Well, I, they said, you look like an athlete, but we think... Yeah, of course, of course. No, they do it because you're putting you under and you could just stop breathing, man. So it's breathing for you, you know. Hold on, you stop breathing? You could stop breathing. Oh, so they just make sure that you're...

They make sure you don't stop breathing. It's like a little push on a bike. That's exactly what it is. Our, my surgery is gonna take an hour. Okay. Sometimes they take longer than they think they're going to take. I think it's going to take longer because I think there's going to be a lot of fashion there. And they're going to have to fucking break up the scar tissue and then get the tendons down. God, I wish I was here for this. Oh, it will be. Sturge there. You doing it Thursday?

Yeah. I'll come see you Friday. Are you really gonna be here? Yeah. Why are you coming to the room with me? I don't know that they would allow that. Why? I was there for you.

Okay. Tell them that I'll come in the room. And then just the last space I see is yours, and you're such a cunt. What's the, okay, ready? Let's do, let's do mock anesthesia. Okay. And so the guy goes, all right,

we're gonna count it down from 100 and you say the last words before I go out. Okay, 100. I'll take care of George and Ila. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's gonna be fucking hilarious if I die. I don't know if it'd be hilarious.

I'd be very sad. If I die, if I die. Yeah, what do you want me to do? If this Thursday, which by the way, you'll be dead when this episode comes out, I'll feel kind of weird releasing it, but it'll get a ton of views. So.

It's gonna be a fucking viral. It's gonna be like probably the most viral. Oh, I'm gonna be a bit nervous. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you want me to do? I need, well, I think the machine's gonna be good. It's gonna be a fucking smash hit, because I'll be dead.

So if you die, if you go to the premiere. Yeah, and please do all any of the pickup shots they need, you do them. Okay. Yeah. And then, and then. And I'll do all the press for you. Yeah, do all the press for me.

Make it very hard felt, but like, make me sound like I was a better see. The thing about dying, I talked to the alien about this the other day. The thing about dying is that you don't have to be that much of a talent When you die to be a legend, right like you just got to be pretty good like like true true like If you're pretty good and you and you're cutting your prime and I'd be cutting my prime Then everyone's like holy fuck that was this one. He only did one movie right like? Like fucking, like, I'm not gonna name names, but there's like, no, to do one movie

and to it, for it to be this particular movie, and then I die, then everyone, then that movie is gonna be huge. And what'll happen is, you'll be posters and kids college dorms. Oh, yeah, Legendary'll dump another fucking 30 million into the fucking, I mean, it'll be like a huge, huge movie.

I don't know if that'll take care of Leanne and Ila. Well, two bears, one cable, what are you gonna do with that? Well, you know what I would do? Like, I would keep doing the podcast, yeah, keep your name in the title. Yeah. And then just keep giving them advertising and everything money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're essentially working. And that'll take care of them. Yeah. That'll take care of them. And then just I have a bunch of videos that I've never, like I have a ton of... You want me to take them anywhere?

Like any trip? No. Any rent. I made a take them to this hot chicken place. I'm glad you did. I was really great. I don't know. Maybe... You want some fries?

I don't know, maybe you want some fries? I don't know. Yeah, you know, I talked to someone about this the other day. Someone, my, Dave Williamson, he was talking about dying. And we were talking about dying with a drunk one night. And he goes, what's the one thing you want me to do for you? I think he was worried about dying and I was like, I was like, I'll tell you what, this is what I'll do if you die. I promise you. Every

year I'll take your kids to Hawaii. Take your two boys to Hawaii so they grow up in the water. They're always loving the water. We'll do like high end, Hawaii shit. I'll bring your wife, let her take like a fucking vacation, but I'll make sure your boys get out to Hawaii, get out in the ocean and know how much you love the ocean. It's swimming in the water and then and make sure that's our thing. And so there's like a good thing, and we'll take a trip, we'll think about you every year. And it was like, oh, thanks, man. I was like, yeah, sure.

So I don't know, don't let me answer dating people. Ever? No. That was one of the things I thought, it was over there for three months, and I was like, I was like, I don't, like, here's the thing, I didn't, I don't wanna, I didn't wanna cheat on the end,

but I definitely was the first time in my life where my brain was like, but if you did, like, what would that be, right? And can I tell you the one thought, this is so morbid. This podcast is taking a dark turn. I like it. But I thought to myself on your deathbed, right? Your deathbed.

Ultimately, push is gonna be the last face you see, right? You're gonna be dying, whatever. You're gonna see push. Your kids will be there and you're gonna want them to live their life to the fullest. You're gonna look at your boys and go, I want you to do everything I never did. I want you to do big things.

But with your wife, you don't want that for her. Right. You don't want her. You don't want something that's why you don't cheat on your wife for some young, 22 year old tart because you don't want something young tart sitting there. Look at it, you're going like, are you old tart because you don't want something young tart sitting there looking at you going, like, are you feeling better because I have a Pilates class?

And I'm not gonna go to a Pilates class, but if you die, I'm gonna live my life. I'm gonna get all that money and I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna get a private chat, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. You don't want someone to live their second chapter. You want someone to go like, oh this is it for me too.

And so I want, when I die, I want to look in the end's eyes and her to be like, oh, this is it for me too. Yeah. And so I want, when I die, I want to look in the end of the eyes and her to be like, if you die, I'm dead too, pretty much. Yeah, but she won't. Yes she will. There's no. Buddy.

Buddy, buddy, buddy. Let me tell you something. There would be a morning period for sure. Yeah. And it would be a heavy one. And it would be a lot. She is. But listen, a year later.

No, no. Who do you think bounces back first? Your wife or my wife? Who do you think goes on the first date? Leanne. Leanne. Leanne. Leanne. What do you think? How long for push? I don't know. I think she would be much more destroyed by it. I think push would be devastated. Now you say that Leanne definitely bounces back back. Leanne's like, Leanne reads a goddamn fucking self-help book. Yeah, yeah, and she'd be like, and I would see her and I'd be like, Leanne, and like, she does this stuff that you hear on Oprah that you should do. And so I signed up for a volleyball course.

Yeah. I'd be in out of the house. I couldn't just live in the house. And you know, we honor B, we have his photos everywhere. And the girls, they listen to his albums, but Rex and I, we're building houses together now. We started this together. Oh, she would definitely. And then they have an HGTV show. Leanne and Rex.

Oh, dude. Leanne would definitely marry someone handy. She'd marry like a man's man. Yeah. And my daughter would be cool with it. I love one time said I said, what if mom and I got divorced, she'd be like, whatever.

And I went, what do you mean? She goes, it's no different than now. Who would you mean? She's like, you're gone all the time. And I was like, hold on. But I'm still hearing. She goes, oh, I'm just saying like, we look pretty much with mom anyway.

And I go, I was like, ah, I go if you, if I, if we got divorced, too I'm just saying like we live pretty much with mom anyway, and I go I was like Ah I go if you if I if we got divorced who would you want to live with she goes mom obviously And I was like you don't even know where I'm living She goes in an apartment and I was like no, I'm in Malibu. She's like you're living in Malibu I was like yeah, I'm gonna fucking place my elbow with horses. She goes you're getting horses and I was like but no you picked mom So enjoy mom. And I'll enjoy my second family.

Yeah. Ugh. God. I know, and to think, and then like, to think of like, what if Rex is like, six, five? You know what I mean? Rex will be five, eleven. I'll have a full head of hair.

He'll be gray. He'll shave every day. When shit that Leanne probably likes, you know? Like he'll shave every day. He won't he'll be very tidy. He'll like keep things up. He's like like he'll know how to put things together. By the way, I can tell Leanne kind of question on Stephanie's husband because Stephanie's husband when we were in Vegas or in Atlantic City, he's super handy. He's like builds everything. He's like, yeah, that's what he does. I think that's what he does. He's a prop guy. Like, he builds shit. And he was talking about building shit.

You can see the end getting wet, listening to him talk. And then I'm like, I'm like, yeah, just go ahead and guess him. Whatever, whatever, done and fucking, let's make it full circle. But yeah, she'd have a fucking handy dude who always had a pocket knife. Yeah.

He wore like, he'd wear shitty stupid jeans, like not cool ones, stupid jeans, but still look good in them. He'd have stupid shoes, but still look good in them. Like he'd be a fucking that kind of idiot. Have a shirt with a pocket? Oh, shit. I did not expect this to be a pocket.

You know what I meant, you guys? I have a pocket and it's guy Harvey fishing or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Fucking. How long do you think she would mourn for? Now that you put it, now that I think about it, probably six months, six months, and she'd be like, well, I'm not good.

I'll be dead honest with you. A month, she would legit mourn. Like one month, she would be destroyed, destroyed. Let me back that up. Maybe like two weeks, she's like not doing much, right? Yeah. After two weeks she starts getting out of the house. Yeah. I bet she's out of the house the first fucking week. I bet she's like, hold on guys, this isn't who we are. This is, oh my god, this is like freaking me out about this surgery. Because I'm, I guarantee you, I guarantee you, by fucking Labor Day, she's throwing fucking parties. And Dad would want us to have a party

because he loved a party. Come on guys. She would rally the troops. And I'd go over and be like, who's this fucking Rex guy? And then- By the way, I should give you keys to my house before I go into surgery. Just so you have them and you can walk in whenever

the fuck you want and just open the door. Start opening doors Let's go on in this room. Yeah, we're going on this room. Yeah. Yeah, just start fucking busing out doors because you know But you're just like I go in there and I'm like hey Rex and you know, he's like hey, man Oh, yeah, you were you were barred to buddy, right? And I'm like, don't you fucking say his name wrong? Say his name wrong. Oh, no, I can say his name wrong fucking Rex I you say his name wrong. Well, I can say his name wrong. Fucking Rex. Oh.

I'm doing so much shit, I really would. And then he'd be like, you like cars? I'd be like, yeah, what's up? What do you got, man? Oh, that's where he, no, that's where you'd, he'd come over and you'd be like, God damn, that's a cool truck. He's like, oh, I'm putting her up,

drop the bottom. I'm just trying to try the tranny. And can you say that? Drop the tranny, is that a thing in a car? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drop the tranny and putting out the oil. You know, I tell you what, you gotta see one of my porches and then your dick gets hard.

And you're like, you got a porch? Yeah. He's like, hey, you just getting nervous, right? Look at this here, scar. And you like, you got nervous scar, and you're like, hey, you do the rehab and all the sudden, Bart is a distant memory. No, it would never happen, Bart.

And by the way, you're not gonna die on Thursday. Thank you for saying that. By the way, everyone already knows if I'm dead or not. That's true, but I'm saying it's not gonna happen. Slideshands you fall into a coma, maybe, you know, some type of... Like, if you lose oxygen into your brain, you're definitely fucked, but you're not gonna die.

And we got it when I get coffee? Like if you lose oxygen into your brain, you're definitely fucked, but you're not gonna die. We got it when I get coffee. Definitely one of my thoughts is just waking up, you're like, we're like, we've had some complications. So I'm thinking that, non-stop. That's what my brain goes. You know my brain goes there. It's the best. It's the best. You're gonna want surgery every week after

My blood pressure is in good shape. My blood pressure is in good shape. They're launching a hat on The my fucking hat club thing. Good to buy my brains in good my body is in good shape My blood pressure is in good shape. I'm overweight, but you were when you got surgery You're fine. You're gonna be fine. I haven't drank and I won't have drank in two. You're really in your head about this It's routine. You're not be fine. I haven't drank and I won't have drank in two years. You're really in your head about this. It's routine. You're not even having major surgery. Someone can find a clip when I go, I couldn't do what you did.

Remember what I said there? Yeah, yeah. And now I'm doing it. Now as if God said, hey, do you remember that time that Tom fell and you turned his arm and you said, all set it for you? Guess what buddy? Do you wanna watch the other nerve thing they did to me? Let's go get coffee.

Okay. Bye guys. See you next week. Love you guys, love, buddy. Do you want to watch the other nerve thing they did to me? Let's go get coffee. Okay. Bye, guys. See you next week. Love you guys. Love you, Tom. Love you too. Here's what we call, two bears one cake. No scripts to beat a booze amateur, Fatology, dirty jokes,

Rancho Humber, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears.