2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Our Big Announcement | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

SPONSORS: Go to https://Shopify.com/bears to get a one-dollar-per-month trial period. Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. Head to https://NetSuite.com/BEARS to get your own KPI Checklist. Welcome back to another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave. This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer have created their own vodka! They discuss their brand new vodka Por Osos and share the process from distilling to bottling to drinking. The Bears also taste test some samples of the stuff, before brainstorming marketing moves and which celebrities they should recruit to be brand ambassadors. Burnt and Tim also talk about the upcoming Super Bowl, mixed drinks, sushi addictions, nicotine needs, Taylor Swift, famous Russians, la Raza, training horses, an update on the 2 Bears 5k, plus Donna Kelce tries to FaceTime Bert, and we get a reveal of what the Por Osos bottle looks like! Take a drink and earn your Monday. https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 222 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Like Leanne's a top. She's a top? Yeah. How so? She gets on top of me. Okay. Right, is that what a top is? No.

Top is the person penetrating. Yeah, no, I'm definitely the top. There you go. I top her every time. I top her off. Yeah. 100% cute. And guess what?

It's the two of us again. I know. What a treat. Uh, we're super excited because later this week, Bertrand and I are going to be in Las Vegas for the big game at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. If you are planning on being in Las Vegas Saturday this week, you have a chance to come see us. We're super excited about these shows. But tell them the big news. The big news. The big news. This is the biggest news you'll ever hear on this podcast.

This is the biggest thing I've ever done in my entire career. I am more excited for this than the birth of my second child. Sorry, Alah. Bert and I have been working on something for a long time. When I say a long time, we're over a year and a half of the seas being kind of laid out of this thing. And we went through a really intensive,

very involved process. Way more than I was comfortable with, to be quite honest with you. It's a lot. This has been going on for roughly probably four years where people were approaching us and approaching us and approaching us. And Tom being Tom said,

if chicks wanna fuck you, you should know that you can fuck. Let's take this dick out to market. That's exact, that's a quote. And so we essentially were like, you can sign up with people or you can do this yourself. You can do it on your own. And invest your money.

Invest your money, invest your time, really commit. I mean, it becomes, it's your baby. You know, I liken it, honestly, it's like a version of saying like, do you want to write it or do you want a ghost writer? And I've seen people have these types of babies before and have nannies take care of them. We want to raise this baby. This is our baby. This is our baby. If you're watching, this is your baby too. This is your baby. This is our baby. If you're watching, this is your baby too. This is your baby. This is our baby. We named it for you. Yeah, this is like, you are the,

you're the ones that got us here. And so Bertrand and I are launching our very own vodka. Yes. Poor Osos. Poor Osos, it is. Bears. And what we have decided to do today is We're gonna have a

huge huge huge What is it revelation? invitation launch yeah in Las Vegas What better place our soft launch we are doing a huge launch and this for the fans. Yeah, listen We overshare, we tell you everything about our lives. And we feel like this is a family. I know that you guys come up to us all the time and say, I feel like I know you, because you listen to the show.

Well, that's why we decided to do it at the big game, because we're doing the show there. So we decided, let's do a soft launch there, just for the fans. We're gonna have our vodka there for you to taste. We're gonna have great fucking merch. I'm talking next level merch. Look over my left fucking shoulder.

We're gonna have great sneak, secret time. Tom wore our shirt when it has half court shot. I did, I did. At the magic game, I saw it and I was like, aw, it's the dope shirt. It's great merch. It is great merch. It's an even, and I'm saying this

I know I should be but I'm gonna just tell you it is an amazing product like we have we have an incredible product We got paired up with when you do something like this the goal is you go who's the best? Like who are the best people available to work with so we did that we sought out we interviewed people We went with people we interviewed people, we went with people, we felt like it could help us develop the best product available, the best design. No slight to all the people that we talked to and we didn't choose to work with.

Yeah, yeah. There were some great, great, great, great, great people. And to be honest, you just weren't good enough. So we got- Yeah, fuck those guys. We went with the A1 team. So we have- We're talking A1 on the next level. There's so much to get into on this.

There is. I want to start... So what we're going to do now is do a taste test. We are because we have... So there's so much to cover. There's a lot to cover. And this actually... And by the way, right now would be a great time to get yourself a drink.

Get it? Yeah. Get yourself a drink. Or yourself a drink. This is the last drink of that old vodka you'll ever have. Because when ours comes out, we're running trains on this shit. We are. We are. We're running trains on this one.

I have to tell you, I actually really, I loved the process. Like you've seen, like everybody has seen products launch and to actually be involved in one was, like you actually begin with the actual label designs and the bottle designs and that's a whole process. Like you are brought dozens of like, this is the way a bottle can look. This is the way a label can look.

Can we show them the bottle yet? We can put it. I mean, we don't have to do it now. I think we'll wait for it. Cause the bottle, I'm in love with this bottle. I'm in love with this bottle and there's little nuances that we, and we'll tell you what we wanted to do and what they wouldn't let us do

what the FDA would not allow. I still think a butt plug cap. Okay, so it was really fun for that process, right? That's like the way it looks. And like, but this is what the label will be like. So it was really fun for that process, right? That's like the way it looks. And like, but this is what the label will be like. It's really designed, the name, that was a whole process. Like what could the name be?

Well, we wanted to, we wanted to, because I was pretty adamant about vodka, but I love, for the longest time, I love that, I love the word Osos and Tom's fluent in Spanish, and when he said it, it just sounded like it wanted to be in my mouth. Osos. You know how like Latino guys just have their way with you?

Is that how you feel? We want our vodka to have its way with you. Yeah, and I think it's going to. We want you to wake up with our vodka next to you in bed and you go, whoa, what did you do to me last night, Osos? Here's the thing, man, the name can be great. The label can be great. The bottle design can be great. But at the end of the day, it's all about, is this great vodka?

And I think we have hit a fucking home run. Luckily, we have a guy that put in his 10,000 hours. We did. This tongue does two things. eat pussy and drink vodka. I still eat pussy. Pursado is the name of the pussy you eat. It's also the name of the distiller that has won like R&D 100 award.

Like this is like top tier. It's a super prestigious tech award given out, like Boeing had one, HP had one. And what I wanna say is, I had started this process in my life, probably 10 years ago, I got approached by a bunch of vodka's. Started vodka, the machine that made sense,

and I'm a big vodka drinker, and I opted out of it for two reasons And I opted out of it for two reasons. I opted out of it, number one, I did not like any of the vodka's better. And I just kept tasting them one in one to turn me and being like, oh, that's it. Vodka needs to be like a slick DM that you don't realize you have and then you catch it

and you're like, oh shit, Travis Kelsey DMed me? Yeah. And then you're like, oh fuck, because you don't want it to be like the first DM you see and you're like, no, no, no, no. The taste needs to slide into you. And I was, I'm super picky because here's the deal. There's a bunch of brands you're not gonna get me

to switch on. Just very candidly, you're probably not gonna convince me what kind of car I want to pick to drive or watch or Soda's I'm pretty oddly enough. I'm pretty fluid on sodas. Are you yeah? Yeah, you can go back. Yeah. Yeah, like I'm really into Shasta Yeah, Shasta that makes a great. I root beer like better than any of the other one sexual partners sexual partners. You can't switch me Yeah of the other one. Sexual partners? Sexual partners, you can't switch me. Yeah. This is going to get a little cloudy and whatnot, but like, whiskies, you're not going to convince me it's hard to get me to, there's a couple of like, like, like legendary brands. Yeah, there's a couple of bourbons that you're just like, and once you're, you want you have them,

you're like, this is it. It reminds you of talking to your dad and having a conversation. You're like, yo, I'm going to get, And then there's some that are just so hard to get. You're like, happy Van Winkle. I had that with Norrie. By the way, we got to send Norrie a bottle. We got to send him a case. But like, but like those. So when we were talking about any of this,

I kind of knew vodka is where I want it, where I wanted land in my heart and out of all things. And we got approached by it every Type of alcohol you could ever imagine and I kept saying fucking and at first we said whiskies we both love whiskey Yeah, we said We thought tequila I gotta tell you I think tequila market is saturated with such huge stars It's hard to make a splash and then Jinn I was like who the fuck drinks Jen? You do.

You and Ryan Reynolds. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I do, but vodka has also been like, it's always been there. It's been consistent. And I love having a vodka drink. And if it's really good vodka, I'll sip chilled vodka. If it's really good. And by the way, Ryan Reynolds, we're coming after you.

Yeah, we're coming after you. Oh, by the way, I just want to give a heads up. Mark Wahlberg with a rock, George Clooney. George Clooney and his buddy. They're gonna look like dumb and dumber on those motorcycles when we're done with them. Oh, yeah. We are coming out.

By the way, we don't play by the rules you play by. We're podcasters in comics. We can't get fired. We're gang. We're coming after you, motherfuckers. All in good fun. All in good fun. The fucking, no, no, it's so the thing about it is they actually like you kind of because

when we had this first conversation, I was like, yeah, but are we just going like here's like you guys made this vodka here sip it. This is what every vodka dissiller says. Yeah, he can't really tell the taste. And I said, I can I drink vodka. That's my drink. You definitely can tell when you are going to a taste test and you start sampling, and here's the thing

that'll blow your mind, is going to a blind taste test. You think, because branding is so effective, you'll be blown away that you'll have a sip of one. You're like, what is this absolute dog shit? And then you learn it's one of the most famous brands. You just are conditioned to point at bottles and go like, yeah, I'll have that. Or you call out the name, you sip it,

and then you're like, this is actually not good. These guys have developed this proprietary process for distilling vodka that will change the way you taste vodka, I'm not kidding. And it will change the way you taste vodka. I'm not kidding. And it will change the way you live your life. And I say that as a guy whose brand is recovery. My brand is getting up and getting after it in the morning. I like to party, but I don't like to lose my next day.

I wanna fucking earn that day. Yeah. And so when we were approached by them, I was hesitant at first. I was like, I told Tom, I was like, well, I've done vodka tastings. It's going to be a shit show. It's and then they told us about this. This is a, no, this is like premium stuff.

This is like a non GMO wheat. Okay. Like, so those other brands, a lot of the most popular brand, they use corn. There's another guy named Bert that has a vodka, I think. I don't know his last name. Well, when you taste the corn vodka, you're like, because we had them in our samples. We had rows of corn and wheat.

The one thing that stands out right away, wheat tastes better and then you learn that wheat is more expensive and wouldn't you know it, the more expensive one is the higher quality product. It does taste notably better. And the distilling process they go through, they blast it with nitrogen, they blast it with... It strips like all the shit content out of there and it leaves you with this unreal... Okay, so here's what I want to do. I want to tell you that I've only taste tested this when I wasn't drinking

So what I did is I put it in my mouth Yeah, and I let it sit in my mouth and then I spit it out because I wasn't drinking so I got a real taste test So I got like the real taste but I have not been able to Guzzle the way we're about to so what we're gonna do here today right here on the podcast First I want you to try now that you're actively drinking. Oh This is what we had that party for people. Yeah, we had a vibe. We had a oh so's party It was just like I don't know 80 people or something like that

This is what was served there. You might not even remember what was served there This what this is what you have in your hand right now. Yeah, I remember that. I have notes, but I want to see if my notes are accurate for that. This is from that party. All right, this is wheat. All this is wheat. That's good. It's good. It's really good Okay, really good. You would enjoy that vodka? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're not drinking the whole thing? I'm just sampling. Oh, fuck. Oh, okay. Okay. I'm getting drunk today. Go ahead and get drunk. Hey, that's why that's right. I've earned it. Yeah I've earned you just fart. No, I'm fucking I'm fucking on it. Tell me okay, but here's the one I'll just tell you a zinnin to fucking chase these we're just drinking vodka on our tongues. Yeah, do it this one

I'll just tell you, is sample B, okay? Now, you should be nice to be able to cleanse our palate. I need to cleanse my palate. Can you get me a Diet Coke or something? Yeah, yeah, good call. Cheers. By the way, Diet Coke's going down too. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm gonna have to, oh, I just realized I gotta break up with Tito. Yeah. I gotta break up with Tito's, I gotta break up with Tito's by the way do it right now You want a texture a caller I Should reach out to them this I mean I feel like it's gonna be hard because they think that we're like they think we're dating And I've been I've definitely been even sleeping with it for a while We were for a very long time and there was a period where I thought we were dating too Yeah, but then I just started. I don't know I start my eyes started wandering

Hmm, you got a drink in tequila shout out to Casamigos. I think I swap with you Thank you I started drinking tequila and then I and then I and then every now and then I'd go back but And it's like it's like old pussy. You just go back and you're like it's not bad. No, it's not bad But it's like but it's and then go back and you're like, it's not bad. No, it's not bad. But it's like, and then now? Oh my god. What? Say it.

I'm never gonna say double T-dos and soda big glass no lock. Ever again for the rest of your life. Oh my god, that's like, that's like when you looked in your phone and you stole your dad's number and you're like Oh fuck yeah, can I call them? I'll never say double T-dose big last no line double T-dose soda big last no line I'll never say hi dad. I Mean I think yours is probably a little little little different, but it's the same Double T-dose sodaos and soda, big glass. Oh, that ring, that rolls.

Porosos and soda. Double. Oh, fuck. Will they see me? You know what you say? Here, now this is the sentence. What? It's double osos.

Double osos and soda, big glass, no line. Look, when I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind and I actually um Let's not say I'm not cutting-edge technology guy now selling t-shirts hoodies tumblers bottle-openers. It's so Easy because we use Shopify Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage all the way

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Yeah. True classic. You look jacked. Thank you. That's the way they cut them. But look, put your arms down. You look jacked right there. Fuck, you know why?

Because I'm healthy and I just drink vodka. Vodka's good for you. Vodka's really good for you. Look at put your arms down you look you look jacked right there fuck you know why some healthy I just drink vodka vodka is good for you vodka is really good for you Look at fucking Vladimir Putin guys kill him it. He's doing a great job. Yeah Guys just kill who's saying no to him. You know when you can send him a case Do you think we can or do you think we will because I'll send it, but I mean you think you'll get it I'll deliver it. I'll hand deliver it. You'll over there. I'll fly to fucking Russia and I will you know They wouldn't let me do that for the movie because I said insurance purposes. We do not have insurance We do not have to worry about that. We do have insurance. Oh, we do

This is a real company everybody A lot of employees. This is like no joke. We had meetings every fucking week. But can I tell you something? What? Just the story, the video of you boarding a flight, checking a case of vodka and flying to Moscow.

And then they're like, what are you doing here? And you're like, I was dropping this off for Putin and they're like, the fuck are you talking about? And watching you try to get it to him? I bet he knows. I bet, I bet. Well, we, I mean, like- You have a strong Russian connection, dude.

I have, it's practically family. Could you think we could like maybe make some calls where they would arrange for- Without a fucking doubt, bro, I'm one of them. I have speak their language. As much as a dog dog does I'll understand them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I think I Think we should make a Who gets these because rock did that to me solid the rock solid when he was the rock sold taramana so fucking well Yeah, I didn't even know there were other tequila's out to be dead honest with you when he would do a

Terra mana toast and by the way, I was I did pretty good branding for Dwayne. No shit like I was doing Terra mana Tuesdays terror and and and Because I would I would love to drinking it after a workout a glass of tequila. What a here's the thing We're gonna we're gonna make a list of who we're sending some to but what's awesome is that there will be multiple opportunities for you. If you want to try it, a this week in Vegas, there's going to, there's going to be Osos everywhere. If you're coming to the show, you're going to be presented with an opportunity for sure.

There after this week, we're going to have multiple events in different cities. For sure, we're going to do one here in Austin. Yeah. I think we should do one in LA for sure. Definitely do one in LA. We're going to do, can we announce the thing we're going to do? Oh, yeah.

The live event. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing a live event, like a live podcast. Two Bears Live. Two Bears Live, the old school Two Bears Live. Yeah. The funnest, the time we saw Sweatpants Dick. Yeah. We should give him a bottle. live. Yeah, the funnest the time we saw sweatpants dick Yeah, we should give him a bottle. Yeah

Engraze getting a bottle all the porn stars get bottles Fucking bottles for porn stars. I feel like if you like to with turkeys if you do porn prove it Send me a video and I will send you some porosos But it's gonna be fucking, and by the way, oh, we should have it at 5K. No brainer. May. May, 5K and May.

Oh, and by the way, the follow-up phone call, you can say it now. Oh. Remember after we introduced that idea? Yep. The one thing was like, Louis was like, and definitely not. I'm gonna read it verbatim. I'm gonna read it verbatim. I'm gonna read it verbatim.

So we get off the episode. This is a while back, but if you remember, we called all these comedians and we told them about this 5K we were gonna do. And then we called Louis. And so just so you know, he was just like hard pass, soft commit, hard pass, the same thing. I'm definitely not doing that.

We were like, all right, well, it was great to talk to you. And we hung up. And then he texted me, I wrote, you're the best, thank you. And then he wrote, I will probably do that race. It would actually be a good thing for me to get ready for. So Louis C.K. is in. Louis C.K. is in, everybody.

Okay. Louis C.K. radio silent from Kevin Hart. He, Let me see case in everybody. Okay. Radio silent from Kevin Hart. He Is this the next one hold on oh You're a Do we we didn't hear from Kevin Hart, but We should do We should do a big drinking But we should do a big drinking.

We should get my heart. Kevin Hart did not reply, but my neighbor, Neil, just texted me. So. Oh, good. The restaurant tour? Different guy. How many neighbors do you have? I mean, there's a few, it's a neighborhood.

It's not one. Yeah, so Shout out also to drip our partners in this partners a drip or fucking absolutely awesome. Okay this one This sample is sample B also wheat Give it a shot give it a sip And do it don't do it at the same time I want them to see how smooth it is that you don't gag you can drink it on your tongue

I've read and by the way these are fucking some vodka's tastes like fucking sterilizing solution. Oh, they absolutely I'm gonna let it sit to for a little bit. Okay. I'll go first You're bubbling it dude. All right. Here we go Come on Dragons breath So that's this shit. That's the shit. That's the shit B's the shit. That's the shit. That's the shit. B is the shit. That's the shit.

The other one's good. It's a little spicy for me. This is a better. I feel a taste of like pepper in the one we tried before, which I'm not in love with. Because sometimes I think that pepper, especially I'm a soda guy, I feel like it gets confused for contaminants. Like when you, a vodka soda at its best is a morning drink in my opinion Yeah at an airport when you're just trying to get on the plane

That's what I have on the most and that first sip you don't want the vodka to yell at you now You don't want to watch in the throat right? You just wanted to scratch the back of your arm. Yeah, and go like hey Hey, we're going in this room. You look cute today. You look really cute today. So my uh My neighbor who you referenced cuz you do you do look cute. I like to show it. My neighbor who you referenced is a restaurant My stomach just cramped I got a cramp in my stomach Oh shit! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Okay. So... I'm gonna... oh my god. I'm gonna fucking... Oh. Abdominal cramps. Terrible shot of vodka.

Okay, so here's the thing. All right, all right, all right. But can I tell you this about this first? I'm going eight milligrams, new lipper. Okay. Let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. You referenced my neighbor, the one that you know.

He's a restaurateur. He owns a bunch of restaurants. I sent him this. He hits me up. He goes, I had my director of beverage come over and did a blind test with five premium vodka brands. And he goes, this one, this was like his, for sure, his favorite.

So it was the absolute best tasting one. It's that's, well, so we did, so we, go ahead, you finish. Well, this is the first time we're gonna try a blend of these two. It's gonna be hard to get, me not loving that. Me saying. That's got hints of vanilla, it's got real warm vibes. You remember when you were a kid,

and your mom made you a milkshake and you were like, oh, it's good. And then your dad made you one and he put vanilla extract in it. And you're like, why is this one so much better? And he goes, I put vanilla extract in. And you're like, and your mom's like, it's just extract. It's not, it's just extract, but it's better.

It's better. That's the vodka that fucks with me. Like I love that. We did a blind taste test at Birdie Boy Productions where it's all women, 12 women. We all sat them at the table. We had all the vodkas out. I wasn't drinking it.

I was just putting it in my mouth and spitting it out. They were all drinking it and we put sheets and everyone, we'd taste it and everyone on a scale of one to 10 would vote for them. And number two was the one we got, but unanimously was the first one. And I texted you, we got a winner, and you said, don't tell me.

Don't tell me, I didn't wanna know. And we didn't talk about it literally up until, up until a couple minutes ago, where he goes, well, I got A and B, and I went, which one did I like? He goes, you liked B or whatever. And I go, which one did I like? He goes, you liked B or whatever. And I go, which one did Tom like you? I like B too.

Yeah. We both loved fucking B. I didn't talk to anybody about their preferences. I just did it. And to me also, by the way, for my taste, my palette, this was clearly the better one. Let's try the blend. Okay. Your business was humming, but now you're falling behind.

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Mm-hmm So this is a blend this is a better take this fucking thing out. Oh, I taste it for real All right. Oh my god. I almost shit my pants. Oh my god. We should have a patreon where explain some of our jokes What's interesting About vodka is I you know have him parting a tongue, but I've been allowing myself my nights. Yeah We snuck a bottle of porosos to Philly you did. Yeah I was like, I don't want to I didn't want anything else. I gotta be dead. Honestly. I'm not slam I'm not gonna slam those big brands. Yeah

I'm only gonna fuck with the people that we can reach to and talk to Mark Wahlberg the rock George Clooney He's a good friend. Those aren't big brands. No, but those are they're fucking people. Yeah. Yeah, like I'm not gonna I mean, I guess we should not go after the little guys and go after the big guys, right? Yeah. Like, fuck Grey Goose. Like, I just don't, it is such an upsell, in my opinion, that like, and when I have it, I don't, it does not knock my fucking socks off. No. It really doesn't.

It's what I was talking about. It's what people go, oh, I know that, Brandon. It's like, it's like. So, when the bartender or the, you know, server is like, well, which vodka do you go, oh, I know that, Brandon. So when the bartender or the server is like, which vodka do you go, okay, I'll take that. We need to get fucking bartenders in our pocket. That's the key. That's the fucking key, Tom. You got to walk in there with it. It's just like when they needed to move Coke from Venezuela to Miami. Yeah.

It wasn't... They needed great pilots who were willing to take a fucking leap of faith and make a little extra cash Kickbacks to bartenders. Yeah, that's what we got to do start paying bartenders out of pocket. There you go Cashola, baby. I'll do it. Yeah. Let's fucking get in bartenders get in free for all our shows That's what we should do me agree bartenders. You gotta prove bartender. How do you prove that? I don't know. Hey, somebody just goes, I'm a bartender. You're like, here you go. All right. Prove it.

And the guy goes, hey. Yeah. And you're like, all right, here we go. What if he goes, next. You're like, oh, God, this guy's good. Yeah, I don't want to see you. We're gonna get fucking wasted at the big game. Yeah.

We're gonna get fucking wasted. These are gonna be all backstage. And let's talk about the celebrities we're gonna get fucking wasted. These are gonna be all backstage and let's talk about the celebrities We're gonna get wasted get them to say regrettable stuff and go viral. Oh man. We need Pete Davidson there He'll do that. He'll set it up. Pete Davidson goes viral anything he does. That's true You know him good I know him. I wouldn't say I know him real well I know him pretty good, but he's always got a new phone number. He does switch on numbers like he's fucking like he doesn't care about anybody It's fun. I literally at one point. I had six numbers in my phone that were his I've got two and I don't think he gave me the right one cause I was standing next to

Someone that he didn't like Really? Yeah, and I was edited out. Oh the yeah. Yeah, and so he didn't give I don't think he gave me the right one I think was like, oh, uh-huh, uh-huh Cuz you're standing right next to him, but Pete Davidson we got to hook him up Yeah, we just got to flood our buddies and our friends everyone that's running the 5k gets a bottle course fucking Louie No, the post Race party is going to be we're just gonna you know what we should do. What Phillip pool with vodka That would be great and wasteful

Yeah, let's do it and then we'll get we'll get James Robert Champlain to drink it Robert Paul champagne He's into something like that. Yeah. Yeah, oh fuck Robert there any swimming, it's gonna be fucking lights out, dude. We have, by the way, we have big events planned, very big events planned to celebrate the vodka, which we don't wanna announce now. By the way, the 5K was definitely not on that list, but it does fit the fucking, it fits it. Because this is a vodka that you can,

and I'm being serious, the way they distill this, you can party your fucking dick off and get up the next morning. For me, do radio, workout, do two shows, get in the bus, have another sip, right back to sleep. We need to come out with marijuana next. We've got a company. We need to take over rap snacks.

We need comic snacks. Comic snacks is a good idea. But the weed, some edibles, come on. I'm all about those edibles, dude. Come oh so. Oh so. All right, let's try the next one. All right, this is.

This is the blend. Clear your mind. I'm trying to clear my palate. I want to taste the blend, I want to appreciate the blend. I am pretty dead set on A. I don't know if I'm going to be able to fucking. You're not set on A, you're set on B. Well, you know the one I like.

This is the blend. You go first. Okay. I'm not gonna tell you what I think. Don't tell me what you think. It's like we're sharing a girl like Mason Cameron. Go ahead. I Have notes Number one

It's got a very subtle Kick very subtle mm-hmm spice to it not as much as the other one the other one overwhelms me a tad bit the a does yeah That kick, it kind of is like, it doesn't make a ton of sense like, but it does like bacon on a on a Krispy Kreme donut, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's because what I love about the first one is the smoothness. The B. The B. The B is my favorite, the smoothness. B it is. Yeah. The blend, my ranking goes B, the blend, then A.

Yeah? B first, first place. Yeah. The blend, second place. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I go B then blend, then A. Yeah. The B is just, and I'm being serious this

is something I can I can fucking stand by I don't think there's anyone that's a vodka drink that wouldn't love that vodka yeah it is it is so fucking smooth and I'm telling you that the the roundness of it it's so it's silk dude it's silky smooth and 100% gotta give credit to these distillers for doing this. Cause it is unlike anything else we've ever, I've never had anything like that. I've never had a vodka like that before.

It's like, it feels like, it's like when you, you know, you have sushi, right? And you're, and you go, yeah, I like sushi. And then like for the first time, somebody takes you to a Omakase experience at where the chef is Japanese and he actually goes to the fish market in the morning. And you have that, you go,

oh, I guess I haven't had sushi before. Like this is a whole different thing. It's like public sushi versus, I'd say it could be from Florida, but public sushi versus the first time I was in New York and had sushi. And I was like, oh, this is like butter. Yeah, yeah. Like I see why I could do,

I remember I got so addicted to sushi, I would eat it non-fucking stop. I bet you did. I would just stop. I bet anything that you, like, take a liking to everyone's like, Hey man, you might want to chill on that. Is that 45 pieces of sushi? By the way, you know how much I love these,

these fucking nicotine pouches? Was this morning I worked out and then on the way here here I couldn't find them in my car and I texted somebody's got to go pick up a naked pink pouches right now and Then when I parked and they were on the floor. I was like, oh, it's all good. I'm fine I wake up thinking about them It's good for you. It's getting the big tobacco game Imagine how much those fat cats must have been for RJ Reynolds when he was like hey man I Know the cigarettes taste good, but do you wake up thinking about them? Yeah, it's a yeah. What is that? I think they're addictive. He's like that could be good business

That could be cool. Yeah, it could be good for us. You know what we need to need we need to have hmm Brandon Bassers That could be cool. Yeah, that could be good for us. You know what we need to need? We need to have brand ambassadors. Absolutely. Without a doubt brand ambassadors. Yeah. There's two dudes I follow. I follow a lot of the I told you I told you about this. I follow a lot of young dudes on Instagram that are like fun party guys in shape, fun, get after it.

They're all love Zins. Yeah. And they're going to love our vodka. They're all love zins. Yeah. And they're gonna love our vodka. Porosos. God damn. We need to come about this a different way. We need to go after the rock. Go after him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like in a wrestling promo kind of way.

Okay. Like really get him to appreciate us. Okay. Yeah. Oh, do you think we can get Brad Pitt to fall off the wagon? No. God damn it. That would be great branding for us if we got Ben Affleck to fall off the wagon. I think we should probably leave the people who have chosen sobriety alone. And I just hope they're like, it's so good. It's so good. Great story. Like David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger.

Drunk. Yeah. Oh, we need to recreate those commercials. That's funny. We should do that. You're on the floor. Eating a cheeseburger. It's gonna pay for your fucking college. Shut your fucking stupid mouth. You're like your mother. Yeah, I could do that. Yeah, we could really get into this.

We could have my kids in the promos. That'd be the first. Oh. Yeah, we should really lead into underage drinking. So good at childhood. We could have kids. We could have kids. We could have kids.

We could have kids. We could have kids. We could have kids. We could have kids. We could have kids. We could have kids. We could! Yeah, we should really lead him to underage drinking. Ha ha ha ha! So good at child kid drinking. Go ahead, go ahead.

He's like... He's round, I like it. He's like, it's pretty smooth. I like it pretty good. Hey, dad. I've been toilet water. Dad, it's better, it's smooth. Ha ha ha!

I'm only gonna sleep now, dad. Fuck. These guys are wild. Dude, the... They flooded our bathroom Are you serious? Yeah, I haven't drank in over a week And it just kicked in I got a buzz it feels so good. There's leak. It was leaking downstairs in my house I love I love two inches of water in our bathroom. I love alcohol. That was cool.

Oh, it warms you. You know, weed is like a comfy blanket. I kind of want more bee. More bee? I could do another bee. I don't want to fuck up glasses. I wouldn't mind with a little ice. Ooh. The sip on it.

I've actually never done that. With this. Here, hook me up um, I Came upon this realization last night. Yeah, I got high by the way For all the bragging of sobriety. I do I have not been sober at all. I've been smoking weed almost every fucking day Weed is awesome Did you just pour it all in your glass?

It's only a little bit in there. Dib into the fucking blend. The, uh... Fuck. I'll trade with you. You like... Please. Jesus Christ. So, you're such a fucking dick.

I didn't mean to, man! That's why I don't run trains on girls with you Why give me a big soap or something? Are you fucking around the ass? I know we can fuck you in the ass. And then you'd be like, hey creampine? I don't want to get in there It's my turn. I'm like, can you do some jumping jacks? My bad Bert. The if we were gonna run a train on one of our wives who would it be what if we're gonna run a train on one of our Wives who would it be if we were gonna run a train on one of our wives? Who would it be?

Who do you think would be okay first yeah, let's like we taste-tested okay who would be the funnest who okay? Who would probably allow itnest? Who, okay, who would probably allow it? Neither one, dude. Hold on. Neither one. Who would shut it down harder? Probably Christine. For real? Yeah, dude. She would not be okay with that at all. Oh, she won't even give me your address at times.

I don't think she would. I go and come in over with your address, she goes, no. You're gonna put it online Yeah, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah, cuz you do things like that. I don't put people's address online put yours I did do that. Yeah, I did do that. That was a fucking also tactical error. Yeah That was showing up. Oh, give me your phone number. I gave out my phone number got leaked But wasn't it we should do what? My phone number got leaked. Uh.

Oh, you know what we should do? What? We should activate the trolls, the people that hate us. Get them to like it. Oh, they're activated. What would you like to be? What would you like them to do? We'll send them bottles of vodka.

That's actually a good idea. We'll send them bottles of vodka and be like, just, you know, enjoy. Yeah. Enjoy the friends. Enjoy. Make friends friends we need to go on reddit We need to get keen on we need to really lean into what we did with the beehive and Swifties with our vodka We send it to everyone that's fucking active online. We can get tailored a bottle fuck Yes, she is a hundred% gonna be at our show.

100%. Oh yeah. Dude, we're meeting Taylor Swift next week. This week. This week. This week. Yeah, this week. That's crazy.

We're meeting Taylor Swift. Do you think she's gonna make reference to that episode that you were like, hey, what if you're like meeting backstage and she's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please edit that out. Did I already said it, didn't I? Yeah.

Oh, it's out there. Yeah. Ah, fuck. Ah, fuck. What if she does it? What if she's like grab my hand, let's run. I was like, I can't outrun him. She's like, neither can I.

He's gonna catch us. It's gonna be bad. He's gonna bludgeon you to death. Yeah. He trains to hurt people like you. Yeah. Yeah We're but we gotta get we gotta get Tay Tay to have a little Tay Tay want to what's the color? I'm loose. I love alcohol so much. It is so good for you. It is good for you It's good for your brain. I think so like I can't imagine that any turn of the century doctor would

ever not prescribe this. Totally. And be like, no, I think you just need a shot. You know, that's what they used to give the guys that came in off-road, just give them one shot. You're gonna be good. In 2001, it's what the old lady from Spain that I lived with during my semester abroad would tell me whenever I didn't feel well. Really? I went to a whiskey and I was like, what? She was just like, yeah, you don't feel well. Have some alcohol. This is what Leon's dad's doctor told him about his a-fib.

Shot of white lightning and a peppermint stick, you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine, yeah. And he'll do a shot of white lightning and peppermint stick. And by the way, you always do feel better. It's not necessarily healing you, but like you do it and you're like, yeah, I am feeling a little better. You did it. It really writes your boat right away. It does it does I I was I was thinking last night. I got high before dinner and I thought

Weed is like a comfy soft like fur blanket like it feels good But you're not really warm alcohol is like a heavy blanket that holds you down and goes We're not going anywhere tonight. Don't worry about the thunder and lightning It's gonna be just fine. Yeah, I love getting loose on it too. Like right now is my favorite moment This is a good moment. You know, I'm a big horse rider, right? So when you ride a horse when did you first ride a horse I Trained horses I trained with. I trained with horses. You trained with horses?

I trained. I ran Buffalo across Texas. That is the biggest bird statement you'll ever fucking hear. I ran them maybe a mile in Houston. Was this for a show? If you're a travel channel, Tripp Flip. And you were good on horseback? Not originally. Now, I got bucked off a horse in Costa Rica and I had a real

fucking freaked out thing around horses. And then this guy, I forget his name, John something, lives in Texas, he has a ranch and he let you go and train horses. Like learn how to ride horses. And so he taught us and he... The main thing we had to learn at first was how you had to get your horse to trust you. Yeah. So you had to go out in the pasture and catch it. Like you had to go out and catch a horse. It's very easy.

You just put a rope over their neck. That's me riding a horse. That's my horse. Yeah. Um, look good. Yeah. I look, I mean, I, you never feel more manly than when you're on top of a horse. Yeah.

But there's a thing about the horse reads your energy. So if you have fucked up energy and you take that to a horse, the horse reads it and then he doesn't trust you. The horse needs you to be confident, much like alcohol. If you go in to alcohol with fucked up energy, fucked up shit comes out. But if you go in with alcohol, just like a horse, and it trusts you, then good shit happens that night. And so riding a horse, this is going to turn into a brilliant fucking quote. I bet this gets written in a fucking publication when I'm dead. So now

there's three things on a horse you can do for really, you can trot, you can gallop, and you can canter. Okay, they all kind of suck, but you got to learn how to do those before you can ever sprint with it. But sprinting with a horse is the most symbiotic, perfect feeling you've ever had. It's better than great sex, I would argue. And I'll tell you why. The canner, a little bit of this. A gallop is, a trot is what you'd mostly do on a horse. But once you sprint with a horse, much like alcohol,

when you decide to go fucking ham, it takes control.. It takes control. The horse takes control. It says, don't feel the saddle, don't feel the stirrups, barely her hold onto these reins. I got you. And you can see his neck moving as it sprints and your body gets into rhythm just like great sex, just like great sex. Your body gets into rhythm with the horse.

The winds at your face, smile, ear to ear, your hair is blowing. It's the greatest feeling you can ever have. Anyone that's ever ridden a horse with a sprint knows exactly what I'm talking about. And that is why I'll never quit drinking. Because when you sprint with alcohol, when you really get after it and you have one of those nights, you don't wake up going, God, we cantered all night and just had a couple drinks and now I feel like shit. You go, we got after it. I want to sprint again. Cheers.

Ooh. This is the fucking blend. This is the fucking mix right here. Yeah. This is the fucking mix. This is nice, just on ice. God, and I'm telling you as a fucking vodka guy. That's good on ice It's good

You have that in a paper cup with ice and you're not gonna destroy the integrity of the paper cup You're gonna get to it way faster. That's so good. Oh, that's fucking nice Let's talk about all our vodka. We can make it. Oh, we need to make make drinks. Yeah, we do have to make make strings Oh, we got to make make strings. Oh, we need a cool-aid in vodka cool-aid in vodka screwdriver or a screwdriver Cape Cod to make mixed drinks. Oh, we need a Kool-Aid in vodka. Kool-Aid in vodka? Screwdriver, orange juice vodka. Cape Cod. Soda water. Soda water's a go-to, go-to.

What about like, what is that drink they make now? What is it, isn't there like you pour like some type of cider or like a, you mix it with like a, is it a soda, no, not just soda, there's something like flavored that, is it like a cranberry? That's the, that's Cape Cod. That's a Cape Cod?

Cape Cods, and you can do it with your real cranberries where you boil it on the cranberry and put down sugar and then put a little dash of lime on it, it's so fucking good. How about this now? What? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, whip it out. Pull it, just pull it out, show everybody.

Just pull it out. All right. There it is. That's our bottle. You're gonna need to put something dark so people can really appreciate. There are the osos. The two bears.

The two bears. One's growling, one's smiling. Pick which one we are. Show them the top. I love the top. This is a cork is a honeycomb honeycomb top because bears love honey. They do. We're red. Should we walk by?

We pick this bottle. Yeah, sure. So we looked at a bunch of different bottles. And in my opinion, this bottle is perfect. It doesn't ask too much of you when you grab it, but it lets you ensure you got a full night ahead It does it's just the perfect amount of heft the perfect design hand Grips it like it comfortably. Yeah, it's not like oh how do I and it keeps you honest? Yeah See that neck there's no vodka inside that neck. So you know what you're drinking, you know exactly. It's no misleading I've been there a lot. Yeah, we're like whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. How buzz are we goddamn? It's a fucking cool bottle I'm so excited to be a vodka owner. Yeah, I

Love this. I love this logo. I love this logo You have one bear with his tongue out, one bear growling. I love the... everything about this. And by the way, painstakingly, we went through everything. This is not... Even this color right here with the two-headed bear right here, I don't know if you can see it, but you can see the two-headed bear standing. We... everything about this. Bottle design, bottle choice design and label design alone was honestly like a multiple months process where you get, you get, okay, have out this one

and then you give, it's like notes, right? You just go, not to this, no to this, no to this, yes, I like this, and then you get a new bottle. And all that is like a process to land on a bottle and the same thing goes for the design, the way the, like the Osos name is in the glass, you know, it's like it's etched into the glass. Everything from the label, this whole thing is like I said,

a multiple months process just to land on a bottle, a label, the cork. Bert was insistent actually, he really wanted this to be an actual bottle a label the cork Burt was insistent actually He really wanted this to be an actual butt plug the cork because that people collected the the tops of Blantons, yeah, and I was like dude these will doubt imagine all the promos will get people shoving The rest yeah, by the way, we came real close to having two bears butt fucking on the bottle. What? Here's the thing.

This is why it's good to have me here. No, we didn't. We came so fucking close. The butt plug and the two bears fucking. It was so hard to turn away from the two bears butt fucking. Yeah, you were really pushing those. Special edition bottles. Yeah, yeah.

And everybody in these design meetings was like, wait, is he serious? And Burr was like, no, I'm a hundred percent serious. Yeah. A hundred percent. And all the marketing ideas, I've been a hundred percent serious. Yeah. And they're like that. We definitely absolutely can't do that. Yeah. I'm like, hold on, because no idea is a bad idea. Right. We can definitely launch the two bears bufffucking over gay pride month. about fucking over gay pride month. Was that June? Did you know not all gay guys get fucked in the ass? I learned this at some point. Yeah.

Isn't that crazy? Yeah, it is crazy. It's not kind of selfish. It's like doesn't even make them gay really. Some of them just fuck you in the ass. That's it. I could do that. Yeah. If I had known that was part of the equation, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm gay also.

Yeah. I get the fuck dudes in the ass. Sure. Sure. You're telling me I can not, I can go in and go, oh, I'd rather not be fucked in the ass. And there's one guy going, oh, I'll do it. Yeah. Yeah, you're a top. Yeah. I did not know. I thought top and bottom meant just in the moment. Yeah. Like Leanne's a top, mostly. But I've been a top a couple times. She's a top. Yeah, how so and she gets on top of me. Okay, wait. Is that what the top is? No Top is the person penetrating I'm just a

Yeah, clean up that verbiage sure. Yeah, no, I'm definitely that I'm the fucking top. I talk about her every time Sure, man, we get these two porn directors and just have them in the background. Just little Easter eggs. Yeah. Everybody in the adult industry is getting one of these. Everyone in the adult industry. Hit us up. Yeah.

And that's the other thing. If you want to be an ambassador, if you'd like to be a part of our ambassador program, just let us know. Yeah. DMs are open. You know how I've always operated. If I like a brand, I always mention the brand. And that's how it works.

If you like our brand, mention our brand, we'll see those, we'll hit you up, and we'll be liberal with it. This is a, obviously this is a financial venture. We both went into this with the promises of being billionaires. We plan on that and wait till you see how reckless we are with money then. But more importantly, this is our money and we are going to be fun with it.

And we are going to make sure that it gets into the right hands of the right people. And so if you're one of those right people, just post a bunch about us online and let us see that you're there and don't say stuff like, hey, you fat fuck I'm gonna work out with you you fat fucking piece of shit

day 279 of trying to get this fat fucking piece of shit racist to work out with me yeah no no it's not the right approach um we're going to Russia we're going to Russia find us dude i'm saying if you're in Vegas, come to the show. Come find us this week. Come hang out and look for the live events we're gonna do. We're gonna do them here in Austin. We're gonna do them in LA. Then we made the right choice. I know, it is be all the way.

I'm being dead serious. And I would argue that when you have your first glass of this, you need to have it on the rocks. You need to have it just straight on the rocks. It's that enjoyable. It's as enjoyable and this is a big statement for Vodka's. It's Chelsea Handler needs one. We should face it. It's as enjoyable as when do when it comes to vodka. There's only Two I can think of that I would ever Ever ask that of like it's just a tall order for vodka. You're not doing that with absolutely neat. Yeah Yeah, definitely not doing that with that shit. I did that in Russia. There's like 24 Traditional toasts that they do and you just drink vodka the whole time. I got fucking black. We gotta get some Ruskies

Involved here at the stateside. We need the mafia Okay, but we can also get like just some like notable Russian Americans. Alexander Ovechkin. There you go. Oh, let's hey type in famous Russians How about famous Russians in America? How about famous Russian porn stars? Oh, all right. How about... Let's see what famous Russians we got. No, no, no, get off porn stars.

They're all there. I have one that I just followed the other day. Yeah? Pretty good. She was... I saw her Instagram and I was like, there's no way this chick doesn't fuck, right? Yeah. So I go to her thing and it was like, there's no way this chick doesn't fuck, right? Yeah. So I go to her thing and it's like she's got only fans. I was like, pass.

And so I went to Pornhub, typed her name in. First, I guess he's forgetting fist in the asshole. Fisted. And she goes hard. She's an ambassador. We're definitely getting her ambassador. I mean, I think about this branding a little bit, but Donna Kelsey Would like to FaceTime Bert right now really? Oh fuck ever put my glasses on she wants to talk because you said the moms go at it

I said the moms could yeah our mom's first her mom What is your size is up? I'll put I'll tell your mom yeah, by the way, she would rack our moms Yeah You kidding me my mom drinks white wine until she passes out and then you call her and she thinks she's in the middle of a dream and you talk to her for 15 minutes. This is so, she wants to FaceTime?

Yeah. Yeah, I think Peter's talking to her and she should be calling any minute now. Why is Peter talking to her? Let me take my Zen out. I'll put one in. Oh, fuck, I'll put a new one in. No, I'm gonna keep it out.

There's 222, good things happen to 222 Okay, I'm having sip of vodka before this starts. Oh, we need to get the Kelsey mom wasted on vodka Ask her let make a you think she's pissed first question Okay real quick do a list of things I'm not supposed to say to Travis and Jason Kelsey's mom Real quick. Yeah list of things I'm not supposed to say to Travis and Jason Kelsey's mom real quick yeah before she calls I mean just you know how to talk to a fucking she's a pro athlete mom hi Mrs. Kelsey what do you think what do you think Tom and I could beat them it oh Oh, good call. Yeah, good call. Find out the weak spots. Oh, we're gonna use this as intel.

Yeah. To find out what we can destroy them in. Yeah. What can Tom? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good call, good call. Is Taylor as sweet as she seems? What's Taylor like? What's Taylor like?

Did she sing to you? That's bad, that's not good work. Yeah, that did. Hey. Tell us something. Was Taylor like was Taylor like did she sing to you? That's bad. That's not a day Hey Tell us something. Oh, I know I got a good one. Tell us something about Jason and Travis That nobody knows and what were they like as kids? Yeah, what were they like as kids? Did you did you know that Travis?

What you're I already I know them you're writing them down. I fucking know them. I'm talking. That's fine leave them up Leave them up. Good call I mean another set of vodka Where's your phone? It's right here. I'm waiting for incoming. Where's the call should be any minute now I Haven't think I've been this nervous to talk to anyone even FaceTiming Chappelle that was so nerve-wracking I'm fucking sweating right now. You want to go back to famous Russians in the meantime my heart's racing Yeah, go back to famous Russians. Okay, and Anrand no, I'm Rand. She's dead Irving Berlin's dead. Hey, can you put in not dead famous David Copperfields Russian?

He's gonna be in famous David Copperfields Russian? He's gonna be in Vegas David Copperfields Russian Okay, let's see. I guess definitely dead Dead dead dead dead Edward furlough. Here we go. He parties. Oh Who's got without a tooth? We want him. Oh your first call was good. Alexander Ovechkin. Yeah, okay Nickname's the machine. I, okay nicknames the machine I think okay, we can definitely make that happen. Yep. All right next

Next Fuck no brainer no fucking brainer. She was raised on vodka Who is who is she does she is she with someone famous? She married to someone famous married to the guy that started the thing. She's like married to a billionaire. She is? Yeah. Uhh... She's 6'2"?

What the fuck? Fuck, really? She's only 36? Dude, you know how hot 36 is? Alexander Gilkes. He's like a oligarch. Really? Oh yeah. He's a handsome guy. He's really an oligarch. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah, he's a handsome guy.

He's really good looking. Oh, what's about, who's the one that's with Enrique Iglesias? The other tennis player. I don't know. You know what I'm talking about. What's his lady's name? Anna Kornakova. Anna Kornakova's Russian, sounds Russian.

She's Russian. Oh, she's married to Enrique Iglesias. Yeah. Dude, we need to have all these chicks. Okay, hold on, go back to the other list. Yeah, yeah, okay, so she's in. Oh, yeah. Okay, Irina, how do you say it?

Shink? Shink? Yeah. Here in Bradley Cooper, head of kid. Oh, K. I'm a rich Nick off. Oh, we got a dancing guy We dance we dance. All right. We got brish Nick off dude. This is a this is a no-brainer This is a murderers row of work. Okay. Wait. Hold on pivot. Yeah, so Mexican beer brands do not sponsor Mexican comics Because they already drink that shit Okay, they only do white comics. That's their internal branding. So you really yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?

Wait, wait, I want to see the rest of this list of okay on Yeah, corny and a cork over yet done That guy's not he's done drinking go to the next one You've been a Malikin Looks like you want to book hockey a bunch of the penguins for 15 years. Okay, so he's a stud. Yeah, we sent it to him for sure Missed teeth. That's who you want. I was he number one. Oh Okay, he's number seven. Oh, it was the other way Alexander O Jeff of vegans are big our big white. Okay. All right We just need one promo out with him going hello. Hello. I'm Alexander Ojechkin

You might know me from such hockey games as when we played the trailers You know, you give me one million and I drink your vote You know what they did to him? You know what the Bob did to him? What they were like? Hey man, congrats on getting into the NHL. It's gonna be like two million dollars. Make sure your family safe Really? I think so. And then... Donna should have...

Whatever she says, you face-timer back right away. Hey, it's Donna Kelsey. I'm ready to rumble at any time. Please contact my people. Just face-timer right away. This is amazing. All right, this is the most aggressive face-time I've ever done. Yeah, but it's awesome.

This is the most face-time I've ever done. Yeah, but it's awesome. This is the most face time I've ever You're gonna be really disappointed. I am not Donna. I work with Jason. I DM'd you I'm texting with Victoria Donna couldn't go on FaceTime because she is not her face isn't on so I said let's text Bert You dictate it and I'll type it. Are you with her right now? I'm not, no. Tell her, tell her, tell her,

tell her she is, my mom has not scared me as bad as she scared me. I am, I'm shaking right now and I'm drinking vodka. I'm sorry to disappoint you that I'm not Donna, but I work with Donna and we were just trying to make it funny for the podcast. Oh, okay. It was awesome. It was awesome. Hey, tell her, I got my mom an elliptical I'm sorry to disappoint you that I'm not Donna, but I work with Donna, and we were just trying to make it funny for the podcast. Oh, okay. It was awesome.

It was awesome. Hey, tell her I got my mom an elliptical for 15 minutes a day. Okay, bring it. Awesome. Bring it. Thank you. Sorry about that.

That's okay, bye. All right, well, how she's got a mediator. You're almost had Mama Kelsey shit in your pants. I'm shit in my fucking pants. Yeah. OK, so what if we what's what's the nationality that's underrepresented that if we give this vodka to

they will then bring it to their people? Like, so if we say if we just what if we do pivot from what you just said? What? What if we give it to the Mexicanos, man? I love it. They have a huge population here. They're fucking, they're like the greatest, hardworking, humble people. They love a good time.

They love good food. They love celebrations. And they love saying things with an accent. And they fucking, porosos. Come on, what are we doing? Yeah, this is right in front of our Fuffa. What if they're like, I don't really fuck with vodka, but then they try this and they're like,

oh, shit, I guess I'm a vodka drinker. Porosos, para mí. Yeah. Hey, yo quiero. No mami. Oh, we got to do a Spanish commercial. Oh, definitely. Oh, definitely do a Spanish commercial.

And then you just put up in prompter and I'll just read it. I won't even know what it says. Yeah, we should do like a full production commercial, though. Fuck yes. Yeah. And do we go into those little bodegas, those little like those good bars that are just a box in like East LA going with a bunch of yeah

have some like MS 13 guys drink it like she's good you can live that's our ambassador program 183 gang sorry that's more Mexican so let's talk about when we sell this vodka and make billions. Okay. How much see how much you can sell a vodka company for see How much like did see what Randy Gerber and George? Yeah, they're sold there to kill it for by the way I get shout out. I can't really shit on that. It's such a good to kill it one billion In 2017 that was like a hundred and that was not a billion then Wait, what would you do if you had a billion dollars Well, you got to pay tribute to the vodka, okay, so I'd be spending a lot of my time with that I

Would be drinking I get it. I'm getting a yacht. I've already thought this through a little bit. Yeah, I'm getting a yacht I'm gonna probably spend the majority of my time in like the south of France. Oh nice and down through Italy Italy Italy I'm gonna be obnoxious Really like really aggressive Like if you think I'm bad now, where do you see me then? I'm gonna be fat again. Very fat. Oh very fat Oh, very fat. Oh yeah, you throw in the towel at that point. 100%.

There's no way, there's no way you, okay. What we should do, if we make like, legit. If we make a billion dollars. How much is that? It's a lot. It's like how many millions? It's one more than, it's a thousand millions. I thought it's a hundred millions.

No, that would be a hundred million. So billions, thousands of billions? It's one thousand of a million. It's one thousand millions. Yeah. So we have thousand millions. Wow. Well, how much do you need?

You only really need... You don't need that much. You need... Like let's go okay So how about this? We'll cap our take At like Rogan like 350 He gets was he like 350 million dollars. I have no idea what he has. Yeah, like he probably has like 350 million dollars Okay, so we'll cap our thing. I'll say this do not believe I know this firsthand from multiple people Don't believe those celebrity net worth

Articles they are never Removie those are just guesses. Oh, those people don't know what people have. Oh, I DM them You DM these how much you make and I was told him no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding So but we got to give back. Yeah. We got to invest. I got to be honest. We got to invest in liver research. Not only that, you could buy a whole bunch of houses for Habitat for Humanity. Oh, I'll buy South Tampa. There you go. With a billion dollars? Yeah. I can buy theoretically. So it's a thousand millions. Okay. I'll get $500 million. Probably, I probably get less than that, right? Yeah, probably. So let's say I'll get 500 million dollars probably I probably get less than that right yeah, probably so let's say I get 300 million dollars well that's what I need to live on so I can't really give anything to anyone yeah, that's true

Yeah, it's our chiefs Google how much a yacht is well there's pretty wide range and prices really yeah Yeah, you can that's crazy that I already went through my billion yeah This weekend in Las Vegas Bert and I have so fucking good and I'm not I swear to God on my children. I would never Steal down the wrong path with alcohol. I'll lie to you a lot But not about alcohol This is alcohol to about whether or not I drink it. The porosus is legit, and we will be Saturday, February 10th, at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas doing stand-up and launching Porosus Vodka.

Please come out, please find us, please have a drink with us, join the party, join the excessive celebration, and then afterwards, I promise you, we will have events, you will see us pop up in multiple places for sure in Austin, for sure in Los Angeles, many more to come. That's it for today. I am plastered. I am buzzed.

Let's wrap this up. Love you. Tom, I love you way more. Congrats. And thank you guys very much for all your support. You're the reason that this happens, so we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. Thanks so much. Thank you.

Thank you. Burt, Tom, Tom and Burt. One goes top, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Burt's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave. Tom, I love you way more. Congrats.

And thank you guys very much for all your support. You're the reason that this happens, so we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. Thanks so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Burt, Tom, Tom and Burt. One goes top, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and B's the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean Here's what we call, two bears, one cave