2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Tom’s Insane Algorithm | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

SPONSORS: Head to https://Babbel.com/BEARS to get up to 60% off your subscription for a limited time. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom's algorithm is going off lately and he shares some fun stuff he's been seeing on his feed. Bert of course is in his own unique lane and has been really into videos of middle-class wives making dinner for their families. Bert also introduces Tom to a feud between Sean Strickland and David Goggins, before they dive deep into the 2024 Summer Olympics. They look up all the events and comment on some of the surprising sports that athletes will be competing in this year. The bears also talk about Sha'Carri Richardson, championship motivators, Snoop Dogg's 40 time, rock climbing, reveal the name of the Por Osos bear, and get a surprise facetime call from former baller Gabby Reece! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 247 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% I'm glad that the jungles of Peru treated you well. It's glad that you're back and that you've Seen a have a new perspective on life. I Wasn't expecting you to bring the attire with you, but I just had to go in and talk to the mother plant have my medicine Yeah, do you have a new perspective? I do Here's the thing about Peruvians. I don't know if you know this. I don't know. Did you know they lost the I think I've told you This before they lost much much of Pichu Dudes just stop mowing his grass and they lost much much of Pichu

And that crazy it's pretty crazy. I mean it makes sense. Yeah, like it makes sense like it's it's almost like I Saw a dude on Instagram the other day. Oh my god It's almost like, I saw a dude on Instagram the other day. Oh my God, didn't get blocked by cat paws. You didn't get blocked? I didn't get blocked. Wait, is that the one who's like, here's what I made for lunch? Yeah, and by the way, I have so many fucking people.

I am my- Did she reach out to you? No, I reached out and offered her a bottle of a case of vodka. And? She said no. No vodka. She said, no, I don't give out my address,

which was probably a smart move. Probably to you, that's definitely a smart move. But then again, she might've gotten a bunch of cool stuff from you. I would've fucking hooked her up, but she didn't block me, that's all that matters. I think that this is an opportunity to tell Kat Paws, and I would rarely say this,

but I think you should give Burt your address. I think you'll actually treat her well. I would hook her up. Yeah, with some other stuff too, probably. Dude, I am, I am, let's, I don't even wanna talk about Instagram, it's so fucking stupid. And all the things I'm- Every time I see, cause my algorithm is so bananas.

It is very mentally ill, tons of violence and death, and just bizarre. I mean, I built it, I'm proud of it, but it's a crazy algorithm. It is wild when you get into a death algorithm and then you as you scroll they just get worse you know the one thing that I really I Fucking always go like oh is head trauma cuz I get a bunch of head trauma clips You know like people you know what the big one is a rope to swing off

And here's the thing if you don't have the strength, because they don't account for the down force. No! And so it's like, if you don't have the strength to pull yourself, if you can't do one pull up or just engage hard enough, you shouldn't do that. And there are countless people who are like, got it, and they take the rope and they just fall right off the rope

into like a wall of rocks and you're like God and you just see their life change their life just changed forever. There's there's two types of people men and women The latter do not try a rope swing Check in water shoes and a one-piece if you were to one piece don't try a fucking rope swing. Every chick in water shoes and a one-piece. If you were in a one-piece, don't try a fucking rope swing. It is mostly women. It's mostly women. Dude, my favorite one, this is horrible, is watching people drown. Like, pfft. That's your favorite? There are so many people very confident that they'll be able to jump jump there we go. This is gonna get caught on her. Oh

That's that she actually she was smart she engaged her feet she yeah, she's not bad. That's not too bad I mean, it's bad the way it ended but dude, that's a fucking waterboarding right there. Oh My god, let's see her Who did she make it? She barely cleared it or did she get hurt? Yeah, there's people who can't jump. You know, I knew a girl who jumped off a rock at Havasu. And kind of- By the way, if she'd been alone, like if there was no camera, she's alone,

she just drowns. And you'd be like, this is great. I love watching people drown. When people jump off rocks in Hawaii, when they underestimate how tough the ocean is around those rocks, around the caves, and you watch them, best rope swing fails of all time, I'm in.

All right, let's see. Oh, oh! He didn't even make it. And then the water's the insult. Oh, I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't Christ let's see he That's another one see he was supposed to be all right Oh my god, there's no lake. Yeah, I don't know what that was Yeah, that just collapsed he's not good there we go We're seeing a lot of really put together ones. Oh shit. That's what I'm used to.

That's the one. Go back to her. I want to see her one more time. That's the type I'm used to seeing. Someone should have stopped this as it was starting. She couldn't handle the weight. She has a tutu around her one piece. Oh my gosh. What made her think that she could hold her weight up? Just like, that can't be that bad.

Yeah, she has no gauge for it. She's like, oh, this is what people are doing. Oh! That was smart. Do not, do not do it. Okay, all right, immediately. Let's see. One, okay. Alright. Immediately. Let's see. That's exactly what I...

Oh, that fucking hurt. I can feel that in my teeth. He's fucked up. He's real fucked up. Oh, he's going into the rocks. Oh my God. I saw one where a guy... Here, pause that.

When he did a skateboarding trick, no helmet, and lost control when he was like jumping off, and he landed, his head hit the curb and then he just started to go make like grunting sounds like yeah it was it's my algorithm right now is all middle-class wives making dinner for their families how do you land on making dinner can I tell you because do you land them? Making dinner? Can I tell you, because I don't read my own comments. I have assassinations, that's what I have right now, and a lot of them are in Brazil. Really? Yeah. I saw one where they unloaded a hundred rounds

into a car. The guy lived because he had an armored car. Armored car. Yeah. Those things, have you ever gotten into an armored car? No, they got me one one time and They're not comfortable. They're really small inside and heavy and they're heavy as fucking shit and the doors are really thick Yeah, I was like guys. I think this is overkill Well, how do you get middle-class wives making dinner, can you pull up mama ray? mama ray Okay, so I so Mama Ray once again I want you to know that I'm a fan because it's gonna this is gonna get a lot. This is gonna become a lot for you. But I'm a fan.

So you gotta go Mama Ray middle to lower class housewife making hubby dinner. Making hubby lunch. Middle to lower class. Making hubby lunch. Middle to lower class. It's an insane search. Okay, so what I'm watching, I wanna break down what I'm watching. What I'm watching is, there is a huge swath of lower, keep going, keep going, lower.

That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it. Bougie dinner. Okay. That's bougie, huh? Lower middle class mom. Yeah, lower middle class. Family of seven. Well, that's why you're lower middle class. And all her videos, her videos are... The thing I love about her videos... Goes up the shop....are the things that she would try to edit out. Like, she's like, shut the fuck up in there. It's great. Her kids are lunatics. They're wild.

They're just kids. She's got seven. Her husband is a big dude, but not an obese dude, but she feeds him like he's training for the Olympics. His meals are like aggressive. You watch these? I watch all of them. Why? Because this is a little bit of a deep dive of my brain. So I don't read my comments,

but Mama Ray reads her comments, and she reacts to her comments. So I enjoy reading her comments, and then seeing how she addresses them in the next video. I still have, by the way, I'm just watching this right now. I make, whenever I make food, I make it as if my kids are 14

and they eat three bites, and they're like, I'm good, and I'm like, eat fucking more, dude. They're like, I'm five. I would, I would never, I've never made mac and cheese for the girls and not zhuzh'd it up. Yeah. And they never liked it. They were like, Dad, we don't like all the cheeses you put in it. Yeah, but it's good. They're like, we just want it out of the box. Yeah.

And I would sneak in a little extra cheddar. But I would say that Julien's going through a growth spurt and has been eating like a man. For real? Yeah. so it's really just, Ellis eats like a kid. Like he gets done and unbuttoned his pants, he's like, whoa. Well we had this dinner like a week ago and everyone was like, God damn,

like you fucking eat a lot. And I was like, oh I took him out for pizza a little while ago. He ate pizza on top of this? I'm like, yeah. Like he's just, cause growth spurts are, well, I mean, I'm sure you remember.

You gotta feed them during those growth spurts. It's incredible. But what's interesting, so- So wait, she'll put, she'll do the next video will be about the comments? It's no, she'll address the most negative comment, cause she reads all her comments. So what these women, there's a bunch of them.

There's Country Patty, I think. There's Trailer Park Patty. Trailer Park Patty's really beautiful. Go to Trailer Park Patty. And so what they're doing is, and this is what is fascinating me, is they are making money on their videos. I'm not certain how,

but they're making money on their videos and it's helping their families get by. Sure. And they're getting views and their videos aren't bad. But what's interesting is I'm watching, and I mean this with love, a very sophomoric approach to marketing from that's trailer park Tammy. What did you say? Trailer Patty. Trailer Patty. She's really pretty. And it's a sophomoric approach to marketing. And so what they're doing is they're trying to get brand deals. And I'm watching them negotiate,

like try to get into some brand deals. And it's fascinating to me. Like she, Mama Ray bought a Blackstone. And you could tell, I could tell she was like, yo, I'm gonna make this deal with Blackstone. She makes a lot of meals on Blackstone. And she actually makes some pretty fucking good meals. She made Smash Cinnamon Rolls the other day. She burned them, but it was, it was

she burned them. She makes a dickload of bacon. And what's, but so like, so I'll give you a perfect example. So wait, what fascinates you? Okay, little things. The little thing where I know you were paying attention to them. So she makes some fucking aggressive meal for the kids, right? It's like a lot of butter, a lot of everything. It's just, it's lower to middle class mom making dinner. In the comments, it's like no fucking fruit, no vegetables for your kids. The next one, she's like, and you know I gotta put in apples for my kids. They love apples. And you're like watching, you're watching someone deal with their comments. Now, here's the crazy thing. So those comments are... They're people who don't really give a fuck, right?

They don't give a fuck. They're just leaving shitty comments. And then that affects their reality. I was with someone the other day who kept telling me, what they say about me in the comments isn't real. And I was know, what they say about me in the comments isn't real. And I was like, okay, I don't read your comments. And so they're telling me all the really shitty things people are saying about them in their comments, and then they're putting them in my head. And then I start going, well, is that something? Yeah. Now, if they hadn't read their comments, which if they say they're not real, they shouldn't

pay attention to... Yes. It's like, are you watching Sean Strickland and David Goggins go at it? No. It's insane. They're going at it? Sean Strickland is basically challenging

David Goggins to a fight. When this airs, that fight probably will have already happened. Will they're gonna fight? Why is he challenging him to a fight? Sean Strickland is just... Yeah, I know, he just likes to... He just gets after it.

And David, and he's like, you think, Sean Strickland is just... Yeah, I know, he just likes to... He just gets after it. And he's like, you think... Sean Strickland's got a thing about Navy SEALs. And he's like, you guys aren't shit. I'm paraphrasing Sean, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Sean. Yeah. But like, Sean Strickland's Instagram is wild. Yeah.

Wild. But he's saying, you guys aren't shit and I could kick your ass. I'll kick any Navy SEAL's ass. No one can hold a candle to me. I'm the fucking baddest man on the fucking planet. So prove yourself. So one Navy SEAL did it. And if I'm not mistaken, Sean Strickland beat him mercilessly for 22 minutes. Yeah, of course. I would predict that every time. It's like Sean Strickland is just a master at what he does.

Well, yeah, he's a fighter. That's his thing. Right. But how did Goggins get involved? master at what he does. Well, yeah, he's a fighter. That's his thing. Right. But how did Goggins get involved? You know, I don't know.

It's in my feed and I like Goggins and I like Shawn, so I kinda stay away from it a little bit, but it's showing up so much. It was in the news. It was on my Google News today. I mean, I could see... I mean, each of them would be the other one at the thing that they practice. In other words... Well, I think that's what Sean's also saying, is I think Sean said something like, you can't run from me, keep running or something.

Well, yeah, but I mean, Goggins has never been like, I'm a fighter, I fight people. I mean, he's a Navy SEAL, so he's not fucking... Well, but that's a thing. There's a specific thing. Like, he's a special forces guy who, like, if you put him in combat, I'm sure he can execute the mission. That doesn't mean he's hand to hand, gonna just beat up a UFC fighter. Yeah, it would be tough. I mean, I think there's women.

I see that there's women, jujitsu people, that I wouldn't last a second with. Yeah, if they're... If you just know a little bit what you're doing. But this is crazy. Can we find out more about this story? Yeah, type in Sean Strickland, David Goggins, it'll come up right away.

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Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by regency. App for details. If I was David Goggins, I would not entertain the idea of fighting Sean Strickland. S-E-A-N. Because, only because, I mean, no slight to David Goggins, he's a fucking gangster, but Sean Strickland's like

pulling apart all his old videos, making fun of him. Like who's gonna carry the boats? And then he shows pictures of people carrying boats. Oh, it says, that says, Goggins is willing to spar if he's trained with him. Show the world you can fuck with me. You can fuck me up? Oh, call it a dismissal. Oh, this is too good. Hold on.

It's wild. Do you know we're living in Joe Rogan's universe? I know. Joe Rogan created all these people. Okay, so hold on a second. The former UFC champion- Including us. ... has since mocked Goggins, a popular influencer, former Navy Seal, and the Army branch in general. Therefore therefore leading to a challenge from Goggins To Strickland an attempt to prove a hell week isn't as easy as Tarzan believes

This is your opportunity to show the world you can fuck me up. God can said in a video I will have camera crews out there You can make sure you bring your fucking camera out there because you're gonna want to get this on camera 49 year old broke down the fucked up body guy is gonna put you through a camp that you think you can fuck me up in. This is your opportunity Strickland, I haven't forgotten about your video, I hope to see you there also.

So it sounds like what he's saying is, I'm deducing this is about toughness and he's like, you think you're tough, but you can't survive Hell Week. Yeah. My new trainer is Navy Seal. He was the youngest guy to go through Navy Seals for I think a two week period. He went through at 17 and then a dude went in

like a week younger than him the next two weeks. But I was talking to him about it. We were in the ocean, pretty deep. And I was scared. And I said, but I was with him I was like, he's not scared. He was really confident. Sure. I said Do you ever get scared him before I could finish the sentence? He goes no. I said, what are you afraid of? And he just assumed he was commitment

It really goes. Yeah, that's it. I Was like wow, we're very different commitments what I was looking for I'm afraid of sharks. I'm afraid of sharks. I'm afraid of spiders. I'm afraid of snakes. I always walked through my yard looking for snakes. But I mean, I think everybody gets, this is kind of, I mean, this is kind of silly that, you know, Gagas can't beat him in a fight and-

Do you think Sean Strickland could blast through buds? I mean, he's got the mentality. He does have, you're right. He has a crazy person and he's an athlete and he can, has a crazy person and he's an athlete and he has a dark door in his head. I don't know if that door ever closes. So, I mean, that's the type of person that can go through it

but the truth is there's really tough people that tap out of that thing, man. Check to see if they drop the Navy SEAL, the trainee, when they're going through it, they drop him off, if I'm not mistaken, two miles from shore. I don't know. I'm not a great listener, and he was telling me the story, and I wrote it, you know how I take a story and I make it bigger?

Yeah. And I told it to Leanne, I was like, they dropped them off four miles from shore, and she was like, honey, he can't see the shore at that point. Yeah, yeah. How far do they swim? I think they have to swim two miles.

He said the hardest part about Navy SEALs, and by the way, Connor, I apologize if I'm butchering your story. Those SEALs dudes don't fuck around. Like they're pretty fucking honest. Yeah, but with the, yeah. But a two mile swim with fins in 80 minutes. Four mile run in boots, that's what he was saying,

four mile run in boots in 31 minutes in the sand. Four miles in 31 minutes in the sand. But he said it's not not all loose sand. There is some hard sand, but it's still in boots in the sand. He said the thing that fucks with you isn't giving up. You don't ever want to give up. What happens is once again, Connor, I'm sorry, is you start convincing yourself you're hurt. Oh, right. And that's why most people tap out. They go, I can't do it.

My back's bad. My got shin splints. I got plantar fascia. And so that, he goes, that's the closest I ever came. But he goes, what's great is if you join with a bunch of dudes, because he was 17, and there were all his dudes were a little older, and he's like, man, they put me on their back and they carried me through fucking seals.

They got me through and didn't let me fucking ring the bell. I was like, I couldn't last. I have a hard time lasting through his nine minute warmup. Warmup? Warmup. His warmup. You know I worked out with Josh Bridges? I don't know who that is.

Pull up Josh Bridges. Josh Bridges, so there's like five dudes in, I'm gonna, once again I apologize because I'm talking about men and I'm as a boy talking about men. So there's like five dudes that are the goats of CrossFit. Yeah. Okay. It's Rich Froning, Matt Groening or something,

Matt Schaefer, Matt something. Yeah, good job. And Josh Bridges, and Josh Bridges. So I text Josh Bridges, and I was like, yo man, I'm gonna be in Denver, you wanna work out? And he was like, absolutely. We get out there, his warmup, his warmup was a, like a 50 yard sled push, and then man makers.

You know, they're like burpees with 30 pound weights. We took Greg Fitzsimmons. Greg Fitzsimmons hurt his back in the warmup. And we were just hanging on a bar. He goes, my back's out. And then we did the workout with Josh Bridges. You can find it online. Look at Josh Bridges' face.

Look at his fucking face. Look at his fucking face. Look at his fucking face. Hey, y'all. Keep it up there. Hold it. He's there. He's there. OK.

Let's see. What did the big boy get? Yeah. See? Woo, 25. 25. Josh Bridges is like, all right, time to put you guys in the fucking grave.

And then he just turns it on. Yeah, what's this fucking little tick? 22 Fitz dog's doing a read I'm an Escondido June 7th and June 7th and 5th. Ascondido! June 7th and 5th! Look at him, look at him! Anyway dude, that's the thing that's engaging. That's why I'm so excited about the fucking Olympics. Because champions,

champions show up wanting to do it. Yeah, Summer Olympics too is different. I don't know, I mean, I respect the Winter Olympics, but Summer Olympics. Winter Olympics seem a little bit like you grew up with money, right? Yeah, and it's also you're just like, I don't know. It feels like you have to, you know what,

you kind of do in some of these things go to a certain region in order to even just practice your sport, right? Yeah. You have to have money. Well, I mean, I think every Olympic athlete has to be funded by someone to be able to train. Some of us too feels like, so, like, what is this? Like, what is this ski jump?

Like, the fuck are we doing, man? Like, I know I can't do it. I know it's super hard. But you're like, OK, yeah, he's flying off of his skis. You know? It's like you watch track and field and it just feels, you're like, I mean. Jamaican women are so fucking hot.

I mean, 100 meters is like, or a relay, it's like, so exciting to watch that. Are you watching the sprinters on Netflix? No, I haven't watched it yet, no. They're just incredible. So this is the only thing I'd excel at in the Olympics? Sprinting? If I could sprint, what is,

someone is listening downstairs, they're gonna have to tell me her name. What is the name of the young lady who has the best photo finishes? I know Sha'Carri Richardson. Have you seen her photo finishes? Her photo finishes. Sha'Carri Richardson's photo finishes.

She has the best fucking smoke photo finishes. Pull up, Sha'Carri Richardson's photo finishes. She has the best fucking smoke photo finishes. Yeah. There's a compilation, I'm sure. No, no, no, go to the compilation, go to the video. Epic finishes by Car... Yeah, there you go. Click that.

Look at these photo finishes. Jesus Christ. First of all, she fucking hauls ass. Oh, yeah. And she's got wild hair. Yeah, there you go. Click that. Look at these photo finishes. Jesus Christ. First of all, she fucking hauls ass. She's got wild hair. You'd think the coach would be like, cut your hair, you're going to lose like 10 pounds. Look at these. I love it. I love it. That's what I'd be good at.

That part? Even if I came in last, I'd have a great photo finish. Women sprinters have all, like the elite ones, there's always like style, like remember Flojo? Yes. Jackie Joyner, Kersi, like they always had, like Flojo had like the crazy nails. Top five Carrie Richardson's finishes.

Watch, she just does, it's just game talk. I love it. This is what I wish Caitlin Clark had a little bit more of. Swag. Just, Caitlin Clark's like a sweetheart, but there's a little bit of bad bitch I wanna see in every female athlete. Yeah. Look at these.

Look at these. What? Look at how fucking quick they're going her season with an international win in the 100 looking up fucking quick. They're going Gonna get it scroll scroll. I gotta see like the ones where she does like poses Yeah Wild hair, 100 meter, 7.75, 100 meter. How fast do you think you could do that? I did it on the treadmill today. 100 meters?

Well, first of all, it doesn't go as fast as they go, so I'm not gonna get their speed. You know, Snoop ran a 34 second 200 meter. Recently? Yes, Snoop ran 200 meters in 34 seconds. I did not know. So that's what I was testing, if I could get 34 seconds. So I cranked it up to a nine,

which is a pretty quick clip, and I was still at like 30 seconds on 100 meters. I was like 22 seconds on 100 meters. I had a nine on the treadmill. I did it today. Nine miles an hour? Nine miles an hour. Okay.

Look at, just look at. What's the most you've cranked it up to? I've gotten it up to 13, but like, and I can keep up with that pace, but like Snoop Dogg, who smokes weed every single day. And he's like 60. He's 51. Is he?

Yeah, he's younger than I am. Are you sure? I'm almost 100% certain. We don't need to see more of these. But so. Maybe you're right. Snoop is, he's my age, he's younger than me. I know he's younger than me, because I remember hearing that he was younger than me,

going, you feel like my dad. Yeah. Like everything he says is smart. And he did 34 seconds, which is, I'm gonna go to a track and see if I can beat. I'm also gonna do a slow-mo photo finish. And, what? He's 52, he's older than me, thank God.

Wait, how old are you? 51, I found that out the other day. I thought you were 52. Mm-mm, 51, no. Are you sure? Yeah, he is a year older than me. He'll be 53 when I'm 52. Oh, okay.

We're probably the same sign. The, here's my question to you. Oh, read his other names. Snoop Doggie Dog, Snoop Lion, Big Snoop Dog, Dog Father, Snoop Rock, DJ Snoopadelic, Snoopzilla, FaZe Snoop, and another one. I don't know how to pronounce that one. Oh, something-achy. I don't know how to pronounce that one. Oh, something-achy.

I was so hoping you were going to walk into it. Hey, when your brain stops you. So here's my question. Summer Olympics, are you going to follow it? Not all of it. I mean- Okay Olympics, are you gonna follow it? Not all of it. Okay, what are you gonna follow? I do like watching who's the fastest in the world. Sprinting, track and field's amazing.

100 meters is always. 100 meters, 200 meters, 400 meters are blast. Marathon's a snooze. Half marathon I went to a track and field event when I was in University of Tennessee. Snooze, the sprints are the best. Yeah, and I won't follow round by round kind of stuff on all of it, but I'll check out,

I wanna see long jump, who's the finals. Triple jump's fucking amazing. And shot put, I'll check that out. But then. Female shot put's the best. I don't know. I love those girls. Then basketball.

Basketball, but basketball's only interesting if like Serbia or someone's competitive in it. They're gonna be competitive. They are. Spain's gonna be competitive. Really? Oh yeah. And there's that thing, I mean,

they bring this up every time, but it's true that those teams play together all the time. They know each other, they know how to play together as a unit, which is something that is always different for us, and so as the international basketball has gotten better over the years, that's one of the things, is that we throw our team together and they're just gonna play together for this.

They're not like, this is our unit, you know? This is like a new thing. Who do we have on our team? Oh my god, it's fucking bananas, dude. Pull up our men's basketball team. It's crazy. Really? Well, it's an all-star team.

It's an NBA all-star team. Is LeBron on it? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, he's on it. Steph Curry's on it? Anthony Edwards is on it. Tatum's on it. Yeah, KD.

Kawhi just bowed out, which was disappointing. OK, I'm going to follow men's basketball. OK, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to follow. I'm going to follow a few sleepers. Yeah, Jordan B and Anthony Davis, Drew Holiday, Devin Booker. I mean, that's a crazy, crazy roster. And by all accounts, you should look at that and go like, oh yeah, they're gonna destroy people. But those other, people don't realize how good

some of those international teams are. They're really good. It's kind of fun rooting for Serbia or Croatia. Rooting for them. Like going like, okay, I'm gonna go against our team. You're gonna do that? No, I'm not. I'm gonna go for our team, because I'm American.

Yeah. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? Okay, what's a sleeper event you wanna watch? Let's see the Olympic. Events. Events? It's gonna be, they have surfing this year. So this is the first year surfing's in.

That's pretty cool. Break dancing's in. First year that they're having men's Men's figure swimming Or dance swimming Okay, there's artistic swimming is first year they're gonna allow men to do it which is ironic, okay, hold on hold on hold on archery pass Artistic gymnastics pass artistic swimming pass athletics. What the fuck is athletics a little broad athletics is one of the oldest sports on record with the name documented from the far back of 76 BC the ancient Olympics games included events like the

pentathlon which consisted of running race long, discus throw. Okay. But, modern athletics is composed of various running, jumping, throwing, walking. Is this a decathlon? Is this like decathlon? Do they have to change it to decathlon because 10 is, counting is,

Racist? Is racist. The Olympic program also includes two combined events, the seven event women's heptathlon and the ten event men's decathlon, both of which are going to be tested over two days. Both competitions test athletes' abilities across a range of athletic disciplines. I still don't understand what the fuck. Just go to the next one. Okay, yeah, just go back to the list that you had, please.

Badminton, okay Basketball breaking this day. They're the break dancing this you're doing three on three basketball, too That feels honestly like something they should do in the Special Olympics, but to see that Here is insulting I don't know what that's all about beach volleyball. That's how that's always exciting So I am getting highly invested in women's beach volleyball. It's a very easy sport to get into. Yeah, and they're incredible.

And they're fucking awesome. Yeah, I've watched it before. Beach volleyball, it's really good. All right, go back to the list. Okay, boxing is awesome. Boxing's really great. I don't even know what breaking is. Break dancing.

I'm gonna politely pass as an Olympic sport Yeah, okay, all right, can you slalom hmm can you sprint? cycling BMX freestyle, that's pretty rad Diving's always cool. Diving is always pretty cool. Equestrian, pass, fencing, pass. I've fenced, I'm really good at fencing. Football? What do you mean?

It's gotta be soccer. Okay. They're actually fielding full teams for this? Like World Cup style? I don't know, FIFA's associated, in association with FIFA. There you go. Oh soccer would be fucking fun to watch What i'm looking for in life is another treat You know how like when World Cup shows up and you see all the ethnic people waking up at four in the morning to go

To a bar and drink and watch that. Yeah, and then you have your one ethnic friend like you who goes or my buddy Wecho who goes come on, let's go watch that. And then you go to a fucking place where no one speaks English. And they're all fucking chanting. That's what I'm looking for in life. Yeah, that's exciting. I know what you mean. I might throw, listen, here's the deal.

I'm gonna make this promise. If Sarah Hughes and our US team get into the Olympic volleyball finals. I will throw, I should just throw a fucking viewing party at a bar for everyone to go watch female volleyball. That'd be cool. All right, set that up downstairs. Will you set that up?

Will you scroll? And we're gonna get Gaby to do it and we're gonna live stream it. Okay. And we're gonna comment. Hey, get my phone, get my phone. Will you scroll? Will you bring up my phone?

Keep scrolling. Golf, pass, handball, pass, hockey. Hockey? Field hockey, field hockey. Okay, judo. Yeah, that's always been in the Olympics, that's cool. Rhythmic gymnastics? I don't know.

Rowing? Gymnastics has always been a staple of the Olympics. Yeah. That's always. Gymnastics is pretty fun to watch. Mary Lou Retton's the best Olympic memory I've ever had in my entire life. Skateboarding's in now? Yeah, skateboarding's in.

Wow. And it's kind of a weird thing. Surfing, I'm glad they added swimming. Swimming's incredible. Swimming's awesome. Swimming's the best. Swimming's a staple. I mean, they can do the Olympics with five fucking events.

Yeah, what is a water polo? Water polo, yeah. Water polo. Weightlifting, I'm down with that. What's? Ooh, I'd be into weightlifting. That would be fun to watch. That's fun to watch. All right, I'm down with that. What's... I'd be into weightlifting, that would be fun to watch. That's fun to watch.

All right, I'm gonna be into weightlifting. What's sport climbing? Is that new? It's rock climbing. Oh, come on, bro. No, but have you ever seen these dudes do it? Have you ever seen them do it? I mean, I've seen...

Pull up an Olympic rock climber and do they, they go up a mountain the way... I don't go to the bathroom as fast as they go up a mountain. They go like this. Fa fa fa fa fa. Okay. Cool. Fa fa fa fa fa.

Best sports climbing Tokyo 2020. It was at that Olympics? Yeah, they all have to wear masks. Never mind. Watch this. Yeah, she had a mask on. Yeah, that's insane. Six seconds. Okay, that's insane. Six seconds.

OK. It's fucking wild to watch. Yeah. She is wearing a mask. Yeah. But for the Olympics? Ah, it feels like a... Look at the Asian dudes fly yeah It seems like it would be easy to do when they do it no, I don't think it's easy to do at all

We got that tethered on that pull you up feels You're like this is a I don't know It just feels, you're like this is a, I don't know. Bouldering? I can't imagine that many people are gonna, that show up to this. Like rock climbing. I bet you just, I bet it's hard to get tickets for anything. So if you get tickets for anything,

you go let's just go watch the best in the world do it. Sure, sure. All right, so write me down. I've got, oh let's call Gabby. I'm gonna see if Gabby wants to do, you know what we'll do? We'll do a Guess Two Bears with Gabby, and we'll talk about, probably our fans are like,

hey, maybe we should do it on Birdcast, Bert. Yeah. Let's see. Catherine Blanford. Do you know Catherine Blanford? Yeah. She's climbed a mountain the other day. She's a climber?

No, she's just, it's a hike, but it's a really a griding. It was like 14,000 feet or 17,000. It was a big climb. Okay. And she did it with a bunch of girls and I was like, god man. She was like, you should do this. I was like, hard pass.

Yeah, that'll be fun. I'll event in my life, I'll have something to look forward to, a party to watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, how good can the other, you gotta admit, I bet Saudi Arabia's got a pretty good beach volleyball team. Because all their volleyball is beach volleyball.

Any Middle East team's gonna be awesome. Yeah, table tennis has always been... Asians fucking smoke that. They always rock it, man. Did you know that? Korea? God damn it, Gabby. Face timer. Oh my God.

Trampoline? Is that, that doesn't fall under gymnastics? Oh, it is, right? This outfit's pretty aggressive. Yeah. I didn't see it until now. Did she send you to voicemail and then you FaceTimed? Yeah. I always answer FaceTime.

I only FaceTime Shaq. Yeah? I only FaceTime Shaq. Yeah? I only FaceTime him. Does he answer? No. He hasn't answered in a while. He hasn't answered me either.

So weightlifting, I'm in. Yeah. Sprinting, I'm in. You can't get in, there's too many events. First thing I would do at Olympic Committee is trim off some of these fucking events. All right, what are we getting rid of? It's just too many events, dude.

What are we doing here? Surfing's gonna be good. Here's the staples of the wrestling, weightlifting, water polo, volleyball, triathlon, trampling as part of the gymnastics. That's all in, that's been there. Okay, here's my problem with tennis, okay? We just watched Wimbledon.

They just did what they're gonna do again. I think they might be, well, I'm sure they're playing in Paris, but it's like the French Open. They already have these events, they're in golf, same thing. They already have big ones, I know. What are we doing? Boxing is cool because it's amateurs,

but you should be doing, are they doing amateur tennis players? It's the pros. I have no idea. I would strike it through though. It just feels like we have the best competition year round. It's cool to see basketball because you're getting a lot of people that don't get to play in the NBA play. But like, all right, so get rid of tennis. Taekwondo has always been in table tennis. You gotta keep in.

You gotta keep going. Surfing, I'm curious to see in the Olympics because we haven't had it. And they're doing it at this place. I'm gonna say it wrong. It's called Chiapu. I'm sure that's a hate crime. Chiapu? Chiapu. Maybe that, that might be closer. It's a Tahitian word for big fucking wave. Is it off the coast of France? It's in Tahiti.

They're going to Tahiti for it. And it's the fucking most aggressive wave. Wait, they don't have to keep it in the country? Well, they can't do it in France, because they're like, what are we gonna do? That's in Portugal. Okay. Okay, trampoline, I'm in no fence. I'm gonna pull that. Sport climbing I'm definitely striking. Skateboarding again I want to see. Shooting, yeah. Shooting. Yeah let's do that. Sailing, I mean it it's impressive. Have you ever been on a sailboat?

It's what? I won the Florida State Regatta. Okay. I'm a qualified sailor. Oh, stop. I am a legit sailor. You're licensed? You're not licensed. I'm not licensed. But like if push comes to shove, I sail.

If push comes to shove, I sail. If push comes to shove, I sail. I sail. I sail. You know what to do. Yeah, you get the wind in your... Sails? Yeah, in your sails. Yeah, everyone knows that part.

And you fucking fly. Okay, good. So, you're just unreal. I was thinking about sailing Hawaii on my break. What's rugby sevens? It's gotta be seven on seven. As opposed to like. Oh.

Co-ed? Co-ed? No. Where are all the trans athletes in the Olympics? What are you talking about? Gabby Reese. Okay. Gabby Reese.

What's up, Bert? Hey, we're doing Two Bears, One Cave. Can you be on the podcast for a second? Yeah, sure, can you hear me though? I hear you perfectly, here's Tom. Oh, what's up? Hi, Gab, we're doing Two Bears, One Cave. Can you be on the podcast for a second? Yeah, sure. Can you hear me though? I hear you perfectly. Here's Tom. Oh, what's up? Hi, Gabby. Tom.

How are you? I love you, Tom. Love you too. Hey, Gabby. How's your body? Great. We're both in really great shape, if that's what you're asking.

Can I show her? Yeah. Yeah, whoa, look at that. Whoa. Yeah, I know. You got your rocks, Tom. Yeah. Let's go.

I should put glasses on. Damn. Hey, Gabby, are you watching beach volleyball for the Olympics? rocks, Tom. Yeah. Let's go. I should put glasses on. Damn. Hey, Gabby, are you watching beach volleyball for the Olympics? Yeah, I'll watch it. Okay, so here's what I'm going to do. I'm rooting for Team USA, Sarah Hughes and her partner. Huge surprise.

He's rooting for the Americans. Yeah. I know. It's such a surprise. I thought you'd be, you know, like for Lithuania or something. Can I ask you about beach volleyball? Are the Middle Eastern teams better because they always practice in sand? You mean?

Eastern European? No, no, no like Middle East like Iraq, Iran Yeah, no, okay You should probably wear a bathing suit. You know what I mean? Oh, oh, we're gonna smoke. We're gonna smoke everyone. We have yeah Hey, well, no, I mean, there's a lot of very good, I mean, Brazil is always incredibly athletic. I mean, come on. Go Brazil, you know? I mean, their whole entire, they play soccer on sand. I mean, come on.

I broke a rib doing that one time. I swear to God. I swear to God, I broke a rib in Miami trying to do that. It's so hard. Okay, what else? So, how is our US team look this year? We look good? Yeah, we look good. Okay, so

I'm gonna I'm gonna plan a viewing event for of at a bar And I was gonna do a live stream podcast and talk about that volleyball and I would love for you to do it with me Would you be interested? What do you know when you're doing it? I don't know what Okay, and and then we'll do it like I don't it'll be a Weird hour so we'll get a bar that will be open at a weird hour My fans come down and we'll do like and we'll commentate on it And then you know what you're talking about and then I'll be like your sidekick

You'll do color is what you're saying. I'll do color. Yeah, of course Gabby hi Do you think it's like a super aggressive move to just FaceTime people? Like without like, hey, you available for a FaceTime? Like the way he does it? You can always decline. Bert knows he can just call me.

Cause I've done that to him. You just, you look through your phone, you're like, I'm gonna FaceTime this person. I usually will FaceTime audio people. Right. I've seemed to have FaceTimed Bert when you got hurt and when he's gotten hurt. But that seems like-

When you were supposed to actually come to my house instead of play basketball and you broke your bones. That's true. I did FaceTime him. How'd that go? It was good. Good. Okay.

All right. Just wanted to get your take on that. You know what people can do, Tom? What's that? They decline it. Yeah, no, I know. Okay. All right. Just wanted to get your take on that. You know what people can do, Tom? What's that? They decline it.

Yeah, no, I know. Most people when I've been around him just don't answer. But I'm like, it's an aggressive move. The move is like you check with someone via text first about a FaceTime. Unless you're very close. You know what? I agree with that, except I think sometimes a spontaneous face time is sort of interesting. Ah, that's true. It's fun.

It's fun. It's not, it's like, it wasn't like 1 a.m. or 6 a.m. It was, you know, where are we at? I just finished a call at 12 o'clock, noon. I mean, pretty safe time. Okay, so time contingent. All right, just wanted to check. Thanks, Gabby.

Hey, all right, I'm gonna reach out and we're gonna do a viewing of that, of one of the women's volleyball tournaments. All right, I hope you guys have a wonderful, where are you, Austin? No, no, we're in LA. Oh, great, okay. Where are you?

I'm in Malibu. Oh, nice, okay. Well, thank you. I'm also gonna, we gotta get Leanne in the pool. Whatever you want. She's never swam before. Oh my God. All right Gabby, thank you.

Aloha, bye. Bye Tom. Bye bye. She's fucking awesome, she's a champion. Yeah she is. Her husband's a champion. Yeah. They have champion children. I mean that, if they were like, yeah we don't care about our kids, She's fucking awesome. She's a champion. Yeah, she is. Her husband's a champion. Yeah.

They have champion children. I mean, that... If they were like, yeah, we don't care about our kids, they're like, let me get one. Let me just... Can I raise one? Just see what happens? Soft pitch? Yeah. Soft pitch. Yeah. We give Ellis to them. He's got the champion mentality.

He'd be so different. He's got the champion... He'd come back and be like, I just don't want to live here with you guys anymore. Dude, you give him to Laird Hamilton for one week, just one week, make it a long week, eight days. And just... Do you think part of why he has this mentality and he's so successful and driven as an athlete is that he was probably called Lard as a kid.

Oh, I thought you were talking about your son. No. I was like, he's a champion. No, I tell you why. I mean, this is, I apologize, layered if I'm overstepping my boundaries, but he was a blonde-haired blue-eyed kid in Hawaii in the 70s. Yeah. And that was not an uphill, that was an uphill battle. Yeah, and they were like, yeah.

He grew up there and grew up going out to pipeline with all those dudes like Derek Ho and all those guys, I think I'm saying the right names, but they grew up there. And there was like, I think he has probably been in more fist fights than Blowjob, than I've gotten Blowjobs. I don't know if that's easy. 10. How many chicks have sucked your dick do you think? It's a good question.

Like over 20? I don't know. I don't think so. No. Well, hold on. I can count. My first one, I was 18 at Florida State. Second one, I was 23 at Florida State. I can almost count all my blow jobs. You know what's crazy is to think about that, about the ones who didn't blow you.

But fucked you? Yeah. Those are like, you're like. I would suck someone's dick way before I let them come inside me. Well then some, some, some people though think that that's way more intimate, which is interesting, because it's in your mouth, you know?

Yeah, but you put a lot of things in your mouth. I don't put a lot of things in my ass. Well I didn't know what you were talking about. Anal. Do you have that anal? No. Okay. No.

Oh, given it? Yeah. No, no, no. But we're working towards it. That's nice. It's come up in conversation. Yeah. I don't think it's ever going to happen.

I think it's like a little carrot I get every now and then. But she's really not going to be happy with this conversation because it's streaming downstairs. Sure. Blow jobs. Clean out first, though. Blow jobs. Everyone think about it right now.

Think about your number of blow jobs. There's people that are definitely last count. Really? For sure. There's people listening who are like, I have no idea. So you think you've had sex with more people than have sucked your dick hold on more people suck my dick than have i've fucked really easily by far well i'm just going through like wait by two oh my god yeah i've only i've There's only been, one, two, two, two.

I've only gotten two more blow jobs than I have had sex. Let me tell you their names. We don't need their names, that's good. Pull them up on Instagram, one girl, one girl, okay. Don't, okay. No, I think. That's what locked me down with Leanne. Blow't, okay. No, I think. That's what locked me down with Leanne. Blow jobs?

Oh. Yeah. I was like, oh, wow. Yeah, I'm, I think I'm the opposite, more sex than blow jobs. Yeah, no, my first blow job was in freshman year. That's cool. College. I remember thinking she was doing it wrong. Why? Because she kept biting it? No, she was sucking it and I was like I think you're supposed to be blowing it and then I was

like never mind I like your way better. I remember I was in a loft bed in Florida State and her head was hitting the ceiling panels. Yeah. And I guess how close we were to the ceiling. And I remember thinking I was going to get asbestos from her. I was like, that's OK. Asbestos is worth it. Remember the first time you pushed down and she was like, hey, what the fuck? And you're like, shut up.

Nope. My hands are up here like I'm getting robbed. And then lately you're here because it's sleep apnea and Leanne will be like, you sleeping? Wow, you pass out like that. No, no, I just have a hard time breathing on my back. How do you sleep? On my side.

That's how you sleep? Yeah. Do you wear a CPAP? No. Didn't you try it? I tried it, it's stupid. Why is it stupid? Because it's like modern dentistry.

It's just, it just a fucking hoax. Interesting. Do you sleep with like a bunch of pillows to sleep on your side? Like a harem. Yeah, I have a lot of pillows. I put a wall between us. Yeah.

I put pillows, I have pillows in my tour bus. I have I think nine pillows and they're all around me, just like friends. If you lay flat on your back, you'll close out. I can lay flat on my back, but if I do, I can't lay flat on my back, I have to be tilted. Yeah. But sometimes, when I nap in the middle of the afternoon,

I can lay down on my back, hands like this, and I can get a solid 30-minute nap, and then my sleep apnea wakes me up and I'm like perfect. I'm sleeping so fucking good right now. Good. I'm sleeping so fucking good. I'm taking a sleeping pill. It's fucking amazing.

What is it? I'll tell you later. It's not what most people use. Really? Yeah. It's great. For real? I've been hitting weed every night.

I've done that. The problem is, sometimes I just will drag too much the next morning. I don't like that. But this thing is fantastic. I was dragging this morning a little bit. Shuts off ruminating thoughts. Really? You've got to tell me what it is.

I'm sure I will. They should be a sponsor. I don't think they're into that. By the way, those blue shoes are fucking dangerous. Yeah. Especially if you eat one at noon. And then you're just all day, you're raring to go. Yeah, pretty cool.

It's a cool sponsor. Pretty cool, and it's a great transition into the Olympics. We're really excited about Team USA's potential to rack up some gold. Weightlifting, I'm going gonna be really heavy weightlifting, track and field, I'm gonna watch surfing, but women's volleyball. Jesus.

Oh yeah, anyway, hang on, you know what we have to talk about that we haven't talked about? What? Our bear. Oh yeah, our bear. Our two-headed bear for Porosos. Thank you, first of all, so many of you weighed in on the bracket about naming this

thing. It went through different rounds. And the final four were Winston, Porkchop, Bear, Tholomu, and Bjorn. Where did Bjorn come from? I don't know. But those were the final four. The final two ended up being Winston and Baratholomew. And because we said you guys name it, you guys did name it. I'm really happy with this name.

It's pretty exciting. I'm so fucking pumped about this name. Yeah, 63% of you. Ladies and gentlemen, our bear is named? Winston. Fucking love it. I fucking love it. I fucking love it.

It's really cool. I like it too. And it's a fucking coolest looking bear logo in the world. Yeah. I love it. And by the way, and this is a subtle plug, we are in all Costco's in Southern California, 19 different stores.

Yeah. And it's so cool going to Costco and seeing California, 19 different stores. It's so cool going to Costco and seeing our vodka. It's so cool. I'm aggressive. There was a dude grabbing a bottle of Tito's and I went, can I change your mind? And he went, excuse me. I said, same price point. All I'm saying is this one's a little cleaner. And he goes, well, I've never heard of it. And I said, it's mine. And he didn't know who I was. I said, I'll tell you what. I actually, at the counter, I went, there was a dude with a handle of Tito's. And I switched it for him.

I said, there you go, buddy. And then he goes, well, I want my Tito's. And I said, this is better for you. He goes, I'm going to stick with my Tito's. I said, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm going to buy this bottle for you. I'm going to give it to you. And I want you to enjoy my vodka.

And I bought him a bottle of vodka, put it in his fucking thing. That's cool. I bought three handles. I've been seeing it. We're in ABC Liquors in Florida. That's super exciting. We're going.

We're going to Orlando. Yeah. We're gonna be at a signing in Orlando, August 5th and 6th? No, 3rd. August 3rd. And then we are also in Total Wines. And they're more and more restaurants, bars.

I tell you, I went to a restaurant and I was like, oh, let me get a glass of wine or something. And the server was like, you don't want your own vodka? And I was like, what? He showed me the drink, and I was like, holy shit. So seeing it more and more do that, very exciting. It's wild. Yeah.

It's wild. I was like, yeah, fuck wine. Can we get some? I went into, can I tell you what I did? I went to dinner last night, and I made myself a double O'sosan soda in a Styrofoam cup, and I brought it in. Yeah. I brought it in.

He goes, well, what do you have there? I said, it's just a liquid IV. And he was like, OK, cool. It's like sugar free. It's my favorite flavor. He's like, oh, great. OK, cool. And then I drank my vodka at dinner.

That's awesome. Yeah. We got to run. Awesome. Thank you guys for watching and listening and don't forget to say hi to Winston if you see him. And just to reiterate, we will be, I'm sorry, we got the date wrong.

It's August 13th, not August 3rd, August 13th from three to five p.m. at the ABC Fine Wine and Spirits or in Orlando, Florida. It's located at 4110 Winter Garden, Vineland Road in Winter Garden, Florida. Bert and I will both 10 winter garden Vineland Road in winter garden, Florida Bert and I will both be there and you know what we can do there what we should we should parks bona fay hit us up Let's go wakeboarding. Okay, let's go parks bona fay parks bona fay. I'm gonna tell I'm gonna text you but anyone hit him up Let's and we go have parks out there. He'll have a cocktail with us. I don't know still drinks, but

Hey, yeah, I haven't done one a solo one with you in a while. I had a lot of fun, thank you. It's fun, man. I love you. I love you, too. All right, see you guys. Bye. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert.

One goes to the top, this while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, two bears, one cave. Two bears, one cave.