A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Are Cheetos Chips?
Episode Date: August 19, 2020Does the cheese that goes crunch belong in the same club as its snack aisle counterparts? Today we ask the question, are Cheetos chips? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices vi...sit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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This, this, this, this is Mythical.
Crispy, delicious, and comes in a bag.
But does the cheese that goes crunch belong in the same club as its snack aisle counterparts?
It ain't easy being cheesy.
Today we ask the question, are Cheetos chips?
This is a hot dog is a sandwich.
Ketchup is a smoothie.
Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what?
That makes no sense.
A hot dog is a sandwich.
A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich.
What?
Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich,
the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates.
I'm your host, Josh Scherer.
And I'm your host, Nicole Handizadeh.
And today we are debating whether Cheetos qualify as chips.
Just a quick preface, I didn't know this was a question
until I saw it on Twitter and until it came up organically in the office. We were like doing an episode of GMM and someone, it was a chip related episode
and someone brought up Cheetos and someone was like, Cheetos aren't chips. And I'm like, of
course Cheetos are chips. And I thought about it and I was like, I don't know. We don't know. Had
to do a lot of soul searching for this one. But Nicole, I want to hear what you have to say first.
I'm talking really fast right now because this is a this might
affect our podcast performance nicole and i just ate giant bowls of indomie special chicken ramen
um and it had more salt than anything i've maybe ever eaten in my life and it was delicious but
now it's like if i don't stop talking that my mouth can't dry out from all the salt yeah my
ankles are swollen but that's neither here nor there so you're talking about soul face burns. Yeah. I did not have to do any soul searching in this.
I knew the answer. Cheetos are not chips. They're not chips. Have you always known that Cheetos
aren't chips? Yes. A Cheeto, listen, a Cheeto is its own eponymous thing. It is what it is. It's
a Cheeto. It is a cheesy corn snack. That's a great use of the word eponymous. Thank you. I
Googled it last night. Okay. So you think the cheetos literally have like their own category their own eponymous
category absolutely in the same way that that's a lot of the argument with a hot dog being a
sandwich where people go hot dogs are not sandwiches they are simply hot dogs they are
important enough to have their own category for sure i don't know if that's the case because i'm
never ever ever going to debate if a hot dog is a sandwich i refuse to try to lock you into a hole
no no no i'm not going to touch that so that's its own separate debate that we'll never have maybe in our
minds but I'm convinced that a Cheeto is not a chip I I've thought long and hard about this one
and I've come to the conclusion that Cheetos are indeed chips however I I'm still kind of wavering
on this one I don't think there's anything wrong with that normally I come in hard and fast with
the most ridiculous opinions that you that I cannot actually back up.
But this is one of those that like,
I'm almost floating it out there.
It's like, I'm looking for my mind to being changed.
Is it because they're in the chip aisle?
It's not just because they're in the chip aisle.
To me, pretzels are in the chip aisle.
I was just about to say, what are pretzels then?
Yeah, I wouldn't consider pretzels chips,
but I think I may be coming in with my own baggage on that
because I have a heavy anti-pretzel bias, and that is because of one thing.
One, I do love snacking on pretzels by themselves.
However, Nicole, we lived the same high school experience.
We're roughly the same age in the same region.
Did you have Flamin' Hot Munchies at your high school?
Yeah, but those were always trash.
They were trash for one reason, the pretzels.
No, they were just trash.
They would have been the single greatest chip snack of all time. There are mini Doritos, mini Sun Chips, the pretzels. No, they were just trash. They would have been the single greatest
chip snack of all time.
There are mini Doritos, mini Sun Chips,
which I really love.
Oh, I love Sun Chips.
So it's mini Flamin' Hot Doritos,
Sun Chips, and Cheetos all in the same bag.
But it's 90% pretzels by weight.
It was those three fantastic things
and then pretzels weighing it down.
Pretzels are useless when they're in a mix like that.
In Chex Mix, they're absolutely useless.
Oh my gosh.
If you were any Chex Mix piece, what would you be?
I would be the brown bread piece.
Oh, the rye chip?
Yeah, I'd be a rye chip.
Because you're like hard and crunchy, but people like you against your own best efforts.
I'm just a rye chip, bro.
I don't know.
I'm the only one that likes the wheat Chex.
Oh, you're a wheat Chex guy?
Yeah, they're thin.
Do you know why you like them?
Probably because the actual seasoning sticks to them in a very unique way that the other
ones, the other little pieces don't get.
And they're toothsome.
They're like al dente.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're like really thin layers inside.
No one else has understood me on this.
I understand.
Thank you.
I feel you.
You're also a darker chip.
You're the darker little piece.
It's a metaphor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some some people believe in astrology some people believe in tarot i believe
in like pouring out a bag of chex mix and whatever you see your own face in you know that can tell
you a lot about yourself and your future i am a right chip through and through but i agree with
you that the pretzels are the worst part but have you ever had snyder's of hanover pretzel pieces
honey mustard and onion yes are
those not the best pretzels you've ever put in your mouth those are absolutely the best pretzels
they they like shatter the pretzels they make pretzels and then they shatter them and they
soak them in oil and then they soak them in this just like electric yellow green yeah flavor powder
and so much of the flavor powder sticks to them but those aren't chips i don't consider pretzels
chips mainly because they're not fried, but I might
be working myself into a corner on this because I would consider Cheetos chips simply based on
the fact that like they are in a bag in the snack aisle. They are fried. They are often covered in
a flavor powder. They're more of a savory churro when you think about it, in my opinion. That's
the thing. If you think about the actual cookery of these things, it does not make sense that they
are a chip. Like the etymology of the word chip, it ain't that deep to use the word
etymology, but it's literally because it's like, you know, someone chipped off parts of the potato
into fry oil. Like the actual origin supposedly of the potato chip is like, you know, some cook.
And again, all of these origin stories are 100% false, absolutely. But like someone, you know,
a fish and chip shop or
whatever was peeling potatoes really fast because it was all busy and then some of the potato
peelings got in the oil and he was like blimey mate there's chips in that oil oh no now they're
crisps and like that's the origin of the potato chip so it's literally like someone you know just
chipping off parts of potato and then like you know that kind of evolved into you know the the tortilla chip was kind of mainstreamed in actually america in like you know the um kind of
early 1940s i think okay like the origin have you heard the origin of fritos no but i've i always
thought the origin of potato chips was there was this uh this like surly restaurant owner that was
not in a good mood and he saw one of his patrons that he
didn't get along with and he's like they used to like serve like pieces of potato right i've heard
this and then yeah and then they shaved it super thin and then he's like here are your potatoes
and then it was potato chips that's my that's how i heard it it was like no some guy like complained
that the chips were cut too thick right oh yeah i think so he was like can you cut these thinner
and the guy was like, you want thinner chips?
He switched from a Cockney accent to like,
I don't know, some Tennessee in my mind.
Like, you want thinner chips?
Fine, I'll make the chips as thin as I can.
Yeah, all I remember in like potato chip lore
is that someone had an attitude problem.
That's like a lot of these food things.
That's the only thing I remember.
You know, like the origin of the French dip,
like someone dropped the sandwich
into the actual braising liquid
and they're just like, ah, screw it, here you go. And now the French dip. Totally. And then the origin of the French dip, like someone dropped the sandwich into the actual braising liquid, and they're just like, ah, screw it, here you go, and now the French dip.
Totally.
And then the origin of Nashville hot chicken.
Oh, no, I don't know this one.
Oh, so supposedly, I think it's the Prince family of Prince's hot chicken that's like the big Nashville one.
The matriarch of the family's husband was cheating on her, and she knew,
but she didn't want to kind of just outright get him.
And so she waited for him to come home, and she knew he loved spicy fried chicken she was like i'm gonna make it so
spicy i'm gonna ruin him i am gonna ruin his day it's gonna be vengeful chicken from a scorned wife
and then he was like this is good and she was like well that lesson certainly didn't teach you
and then i don't know what happened i hope they worked it out as a family they seem to be doing
fine now with all their restaurants and whatnot but yeah there's a lot but i still don't think cheetos a chip back to cheetos or a chip if you look at the
actual cookery of it it doesn't make sense that it would be a chip because it has nothing to do
with like you know it's not thin no it's not uh you know particularly flat crunchy fried it's not
flat and like chip is literally refers to the shape of a flat thing, I suppose.
Yeah, I just feel like a chip is a thin, flat, fried thing.
But a Cheeto does not fit that description at all.
It's fat, chunky.
Well, have you ever had a Cheeto puff before?
Yeah.
A Cheeto puff is its own entity.
That's incredibly not chip-like.
No, it's not a chip at all.
It's a puff.
A Funyun is also a puff a funny yeah so the actual what we're referring to with the puff thing is literally
it's it's aerated like popcorn right it's literally it's the corn seeds or whatever
are like put under pressure yes and it's literally like spouted through what you can only call a
mechanical sphincter yes you know like, we've had to look at, like,
videos of Funyuns being made,
and Cheetos are made with the same process,
where, like, they're literally shot
through this high-pressured gun in a factory,
and it was like, and then out comes this puffed Cheeto,
and then they're fried and covered in flavor dust
and all that.
And, like, that's such a radically different process
than chips.
But at the same time,
if you employ the road trip defense.
What's the road trip?
The road trip defense.
If you're on a road trip, someone goes, hey, yo, get me a bag of chips.
And someone comes out with Funyuns or Cheetos, they would be absolutely reasonable to do
so.
Do you think so?
No.
I mean, Funyuns, maybe.
Because they're round and similar.
Ooh, wait, wait, wait.
Why are Funyuns different than Cheetos?
Because they're round.
And chips are most of the time round. Oh, yeah. We all know those round Doritos. Oh, wait, wait, wait, why are Funyuns different than Cheetos? Because they're round and chips are some, most of the time round.
Oh yeah,
we all know those
round Doritos.
Oh my gosh,
stop it.
That's a corn chip.
I understand,
but yeah,
we're not talking about like,
like we're not saying
are Cheetos potato chips,
right?
Because obviously they're not,
they're made with corn.
Yes.
But are they chips?
Because obviously potato chips
and tortilla chips,
they're made from two
entirely different plants.
But they're still chips.
And they're still very similar. Mm-hmm. Possibly because they're, they're flat from two entirely different plants. But they're still chips. And they're still very similar.
Possibly because they're flat and crispy and covered in flavor dust.
And so I would consider under that umbrella Cheetos and Funyuns to be in the same thing.
Also in a specific way that pretzels are not.
I just think they're puffs.
Because if I said, get me some chips, someone came out with pretzels, I would be like, what are you, Mormon?
Is that discriminatory against Mormons?
I'd be like, what are you, a Puritan? Coming out here with just plain pretzels, I would be like, what are you, Mormon? Is that discriminatory against Mormons? I'd be like, what are you, a Puritan?
Coming out here with just plain pretzels when I asked for chips?
No.
No, I wanted some spicy sweet chili Doritos.
I wanted some flaming hot Cheetos.
I wanted some wasabi Funyuns, R.I.P.
One of the greatest discontinued snacks of all time.
You ever have the wasabi Funyuns?
Never have I ever.
Were they fire?
They were so fire.
Were they onion and wasabi or just wasabi?
Oh, they were onion and wasabi.
It was like wasabi peas, but in all that puffed onion form.
I just got chills.
That sounds absolutely delicious.
But I don't, but there's something about the shape and size, I guess, of a Cheeto.
The thin, long, like staff.
Gnarled wizard staff.
Staff.
It is a staff of corny goodness,
and I just don't think it falls into the category of a chip.
But what is the utility of a chip?
To dip.
I know.
That's another thing I'm worried about.
What do you...
Because you don't dip Cheeto.
You ever dip Cheeto?
I mean, dip Cheetos in cream cheese.
Jinx you owe me a cream cheese bagel
with lemon-hot Cheetos on it.
Okay, so it is reasonable
to assume that you would dip
Cheetos into cream cheese,
say, at the same rate
as you would dip,
I don't know,
barbecue potato chips
into any other dip.
Yeah, I mean,
it's not preferred.
You definitely can use it
in that way,
but it's preferred
and probably
a most popular method
is just eating
a whole bag of them with your fingies all red and or orange.
I would want to see some actual, because like I said, I didn't initially think that Cheetos were a dippable chip, which to me is a case against them being chips.
Uh-huh.
You know?
But you do dip them in cream cheese.
I mean, yeah, you do, but I don't.
Do we have to take popularity of dippable chips into account?
Because it's like do
people is the important question do people dip or is the important question should people dip
because how much do you enjoy cheetos dipped in cream cheese it's incredible it's incredible it's
a wonderful sensation of my mouth it's a great chip and dip combo yeah great chip and dip combo
but i don't think i just said let me finish my sentences before you just ransack my whole
methodology so salty yeah i am my, my cheeks are puffy.
Like I am growing exponentially as this conversation.
Chris, the sound guy, is shaking his head because he agrees.
He's been seeing my face grow as this conversation goes.
Well, Chris ate the noodles too, so we're all struggling.
They're really delicious though.
No, they're all right.
I think the difference is they put the salt packet in there
and you're supposed to choose how much you add. and you and i just dump the whole thing it's like
pick your own mystery book yeah yeah choose your own adventure choose your own adventure ramen
but no i just think there's something about i think it's the shape and the size and i think
it's the powder on the top too for some reason cheeto powder sticks to your fingers in a way
that other chip powders
don't stick as much.
Have you noticed that?
Like when you're eating
a bag of hot Cheetos.
It's a cakeier powder.
It's a much cakeier powder.
Like you're left
with snacks
on your fingers afterwards.
Like that,
that same sensation
doesn't always happen
with like a Frito
or like a Cool Ranch Dorito
or like onions.
I feel like that,
that is outside
of the concept
of chip hood though. Not really. I feel like that is outside of the concept of chip hood, though.
Not really.
I feel like you can't fault the flavor powder on top of it.
Because if we strip everything from it,
because plain potato chips and plain tortilla chips are still chips, right?
Sure they are.
So what if like a plain Cheeto?
Does that change anything in your mind?
I've never had a plain Cheeto.
They don't exist.
Of course they sell them at Whole Foods.
They're just like plain flavored cheese puffs.
No, those are cheese puffs.
No, those are cheese puffs.
Do you mean just a corn log?
Sorry, just a plain corn puff.
Not a cheese puff.
It's just like a plain log-o-corn.
A log-o-corn.
I don't think I've ever had a log-o-corn.
Yeah, they're not great.
Now, why would I? Okay, what if you took the Cheeto consistency though?
Still puffed, still extruded.
So there's two kinds of Cheetos.
There's Cheetos and Cheetos puffs, right?
Crunchy Cheetos and puffy Cheetos.
Okay, crunchy.
Okay, great.
Yeah.
Okay, so what if you took either?
You can take either
because they're kind of the same process.
One's just a little bit more than the other
and one's obviously a lot more uniform.
What if you took that
and is there a point
at which you could flatten it out enough
that it would reasonably be considered a chip for you?
I don't think...
You know what I'm saying?
It's still puffy.
Have you ever had sabritos?
Sure.
Sabritos are essentially...
You mean the flat, big thing?
It's flat and thick.
Yeah, but they sell them...
Lay's started making them.
Lay's had this big push into the Latino community
where they started doing the Lay's Limon
and they brought in Takis and all that.
And then the sabritos are another thing
and they're like a puffed wheat snack.
I would call them a chip,
but now I'm kind of questioning everything
about the word chip.
I don't think that's a chip.
But they're flat and they're dippable.
They are still puffed in the same way
through the same method as Cheetos.
They are a puffed snack.
They are a puffed snack.
They're not a chip.
But these are flatter, but they're chip shaped.
So if you said that the shape is indicative,
because they are still flat and like, you know,
kind of, they could hold some dip is what I'm saying. Okay, yes, but
I don't think they classify as chips. I think they're a puffed
corn snack. That's a mouthful. You gotta say that every time.
Hold on, let's abbreviate this. P-C-P.
Oh yeah, PCP, an acronym that has no other meaning at all. No, no, no, it's a PCP.
Yeah, yeah. So when you're going through a bag of PCP, an acronym that has no other meaning at all. No, no, no, it's a PCP. Yeah, yeah. So when you're going through a bag of PCP, Nicole.
Yes.
There's a coffee shop in LA that's just called Paramount Coffee Project, and it's also PCP.
Oh, the one on Fairfax?
Yeah, it's weird to me.
I don't like that.
The one next to Kofax.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're closed right now.
That makes sense.
I went to Kofax and got a coffee like last week.
Okay, so what-
What?
What things do you consider chips on outside of potato and tortilla are you saying there are only two kinds of chips uh uh chicken chips you ever had
chicken skin chips remember when i threw them to you yes you did i never ate them because you opened
them you said they smelled rancid like old chicken soup yeah it was horrific but they're chips i mean
what about what about then chicharrones like chicharrones do you consider those chips then because like you're saying these chips
literally made out of chicken yeah pork rinds are not chips why are chicken chips chips with
pork rind they're not chips because of the way they're shaped but pork rinds like too puffy
so you think the actual like leavening on the chip you think there is a minimum standard for or there
is a maximum standard of thickness for chips absolutely i think the puff and the rise and the
the chemical compounds that create this beautiful like puffed item totally change it for me what
about then doritos 3d do you remember doritos 3d i know you're gonna do this to me i okay i love
doritos 3d my dad used to work at a gas station. I come from money.
I don't know if you can tell. My dad used to work at a
gas station when I was a kid and every
day he would bring me back a Pepsi Blue
and a jalapeno cheddar 3D
Doritos. That's really cute. Pepsi Blue
was maybe the
worst soda ever made.
I've never had a Pepsi Blue before.
I feel like my dad worked at a gas station at the
exact moment of all the wildest gas station snacks to come out because Pepsi Blue before. Other than, I feel like my dad worked at a gas station at the exact moment of all the
wildest gas station snacks to come out.
Because Pepsi Blue was out, which had like the most aggressive mid-2000s font.
Was it actually blue?
Yeah, it was like, it was like strangely blue flavored.
There was no like berry, there was no fruit.
It was just like this tastes of blue.
Like a bang energy almost.
Yeah, exactly.
It just had that, it's like uh the soda big red but this
was big blue and it was made by pepsi and also at the same time coke black had come out oh you love
coke black i talk about coke black all the time it was the sexiest cola product oh my gosh chris
i cannot tell you how sexy coke black was it was like uh you've seen the old ads for virginia
slim's when you were a kid no like i know cigarettes are bad but like parents shielded
me from that stuff it's just like it's a coke black was espresso mixed with cola but it was in this like thin
sleek bottle oh my gosh and it had like this kind of uh acid washed like tan and black design on it
and i remember drinking that as like an 11 year old being like i'm sophisticated i'm sexy 11 i'm
samantha oh I want some shoes
I don't know
Oh my god was that a really bad Sex and the City reference
Yeah a little bit
Carrie likes shoes she's a Manolo Blahnik fan
Manolo Blahnik
Samantha likes making love to UPS drivers
And there is nothing wrong with that
We're sex positive on the Hot Dogs and Sandwich podcast
Ryan what are you writing down in your edit notes
Don't you dare pull that
Kim Cattrall please come on our podcast we would love to have you sweetie
Anyways Doritos 3D
Okay Doritos 3D
Are a puffed
Snack
So you would not consider them a chip even though they are materially made
From the same ingredients as Doritos
Are they made materially from the same ingredients as Doritos
Or are you just saying that
I believe they are puffed
So the cooking method has changed Yes from the same ingredients as Doritos? Or are you just saying that? I believe they are puffed if you really look at it.
So the cooking method has changed?
Yes.
So does a cooking method change the definition of something?
I think it certainly can.
Yeah, so if I'm making, like if I'm making suaderos,
you know suaderos, the pork skin, right?
No, that's teacher on it.
Suadero is a brisket.
Oh, what is the pork skin that you put in tostilocos?
Oh, cuerritos.
Cuerritos.
Cuerritos are pork skin, right?
Pickled pork skin, yeah.
Okay, and what is chicharron?
Pork skin?
Fried pork skin, yeah.
So same ingredient, different cooking method.
Same ingredients, different cooking methods.
They started out the same, but whenever you apply, you know,
pickling and whatever, flash cooking,
those are two totally different dishes that you're creating. can make okay so cornmeal is an ingredient that's used in a
cheeto okay yes corn i agree with this so if i take corn and i turn it into polenta that's a dish
polenta's my i thought polenta is what chloe kardashian ate after her birth no that's a
placenta that's placenta okay okay she used a dou that's a placenta. That's placenta.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
She used a doula to make placenta pills.
Oh, she didn't like turn it into a meal?
No, you dry, you take your placenta,
you dry it in a dehydrator,
and then you crush it up into a powder
and you put it in little gelatinized pills
and you eat it.
And that's how Cheetos are made?
Exactly.
Don't talk to me about,
I know I was going to be a doula.
See? Yeah, wait, you told me you were going to tell me a story about wanting to be a doula see yeah wait you told me you were gonna
tell me a story about wanting to be a doula earlier we like doula came up we were playing
jeopardy as we do in the office this is our one treat and otherwise a lifetime of misery and hell
i'm kidding our jobs are really sweet uh we're playing jeopardy and doula came up and nicole
just looks at me and trevor and goes i was gonna be a doula once i'll tell you later and she never
told us if you want to you have your platform here nicole talk about midwifery I was going to be a doula once. I'll tell you later. And she never told us. If you want to, you have your platform here, Nicole.
Talk about midwifery.
I was about to completely drop
like all of my culinary knowledge and everything.
I was really like down on my luck.
I'm like, oh, I'm never going to be in the food industry.
I hate it so much.
And I called my friend
who was also in the food industry with me.
We worked at a chocolate store together
and she dipped and she became a doula.
And then I was like, I called her for four hours and I'm like, I don't want to be in the food industry
anymore. I want to be a doula. Show me how to do it. And she's like, and I was about to sign up
for a doula seminar because you don't really need much training. You need like not that much training.
The doula community is going to come after us.
No, doulas are amazing people. They do amazing work. I love them. It's why I wanted to be one because they're such inspirational people. And I was like, I'm
going to leave the food world. I'm never going to do this again. And I was about to sign up for a
four hour course. And then my mom looked at me and she's like, you better finish your food stuff.
You better be successful in it because I'm not going to let you be a doula. Once you spent already
five years of your life doing this,
you have to accomplish what you came to be on this earth for.
And fast forward to now,
you're talking about placentas on the internet.
So I'm really glad I'm not a doula,
but like if this whole food thing doesn't work out,
I can help make placenta pills for you.
Yeah, we have all these backup plans.
I'm going to teach beefy teens how to throw a shot put far enough
that they can get a college scholarship
and then create just an entire like dynasty of beefy high school shot putting teens yeah shot putting for you
placenta pulls for me we're just that's a beautiful all right speaking of cheetahs so you seem to be
completely caught up on the thickness of everything i do i think there's something about about the
rise and the and the chemical compounds whenever it hits the hot oil or or the air or whatever pressurized form that
it's being cooked in it completely changes it for me because it no longer has that chip like
consistency or visual for me so it's it's not what it is anymore i feel i i do find that a
compelling argument but then how do you differentiate from say chip to cracker like if you got like look
at a say a bagel chip do you consider those chips or any sort of, you know, like lavash cracker?
Sure.
Is that a chip?
Because it looks exactly like a tortilla chip.
For the sake of language, I'll call those chips.
You will?
Yes, because there's something, there's something like a piece of lavash or a piece of bagel,
which has been transformed through cooking process
to become a thin, flat, crispy, dippable item.
Wow.
So, okay, if we apply the road trip test to this,
because we talked about something similar
in the tomatoes are a fruit and vegetable of like,
you know, at what point does you using such specific language,
you know, take the utility out of language?
Because the point of language is to communicate ideas as in like, yo, I want a bag of chips.
And if you came out with lavash crackers versus Cheetos, I'd be pissed.
And I would have a reason to be pissed, Nicole.
But if they're, I think it's if the package specifies that they're lavash chips, not lavash
crackers.
What's the difference though?
Crackers are heated up in the oven.
So you're saying all chips are fried.
They should be.
What about baked Lay's?
Baked Doritos?
Those are disgusting.
We're not here to discuss if they're good or bad.
They're terrible.
They're a fallacy.
I hate baked anything of chips.
Do you still consider them chips?
Or do you think once you bake it, it becomes a cracker?
I think if you take an item like a bagel
or a piece of lavash or a pita
that has already gone through its process
and then you dry it out or you fry it.
Oh, see, this is my issue.
I don't know.
Who's making lavash chips?
That's the thing.
Oh, you know what?
It came to mind because I went to OTM
like a long time ago, like on its opening,
and he made this lamb tartare with lavash chips, and it was bad because he should let Middle
Eastern people cook awesome food.
His wife is Lebanese.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Anyways, OTM's fine, but he had lavash chips on there, and that's what got me thinking
about this because it's somewhere between a chip and a cracker, and I don't know what
to call it.
I'm going to backtrack.
There's no such thing as a lavash chip because, oh my, but I don't know.
See, this is like.
Because what's a tortilla chip?
Lavash and tortilla are almost the exact same ingredients.
This is what I'm saying, Nicole.
It ain't that simple.
I'm stressed out.
It's never that simple.
Ryan, you can't see my face right now, but I'm stressed out.
She's freaking out, dude.
And it's also really puffy, I'm sure.
I'm rocking her world.
That's a weird thing to say.
Are my under eyes puffy?
Yeah, you look drunk.
I think I have an MSG allergy. I'm sure. I'm rocking her world. That's a weird thing to say. Are my under eyes puffy? Yeah, you look drunk.
I think I have an MSG allergy.
I feel like my lymph nodes are actually hot, low-key.
Yeah, the other day in the car, I yawned and my jaw cramped.
And I've never had, not even my, it was like a muscle under my jaw cramped.
Somebody has TMJ.
Yeah, definitely.
Heating pad, Advil, liquids.
That's what you need. Workout three hours a day sleep four hours a day come here and just stress about procrastinating i'm gonna do that
instead because that's my normal mode of being oh my gosh i mean see i think there's a there's a
thin line on what is a cracker and a chip but i don't think there's a line of if a cheeto is a cracker and a chip. But I don't think there's a line of if a Cheeto is a chip.
That's defined.
That is what it is.
A Cheeto is not a chip because it's puffed and raised and whatever.
But lavash chips and bagel chips, that's trickier for me.
But that's not the prompt of this podcast.
Well, no, because I need you to define what exactly a chip is.
Why do I have to do that?
You do it.
I said before that I don't have the answers on this one,
which is a new position for me to take.
I want to take the role of Socrates in this.
And, you know, being the inquisitor and trying to figure out.
I was literally going to say,
are you trying to do the Socratic method to ruin me on this?
So the reason that I, and I still do believe that Cheetos are chips
are when we talk about utility.
Like you said that there's such a fine line between say chip and cracker.
Like you're more likely to call a tortilla chip a chip than say a lavash chip, especially if it's baked.
You know, even if a lavash chip is fried, it doesn't seem likely that you would call it a chip.
But that's only because we're so inundated with this like, you know, triumvirate of like, you know.
Don't use words, I don't know.
this like, you know, triumvirate of like, you know.
Don't use words, I don't know.
I'm saying there aren't that many chips that when you say, get me a bag of chips from the 7-Eleven,
you know, you're not talking about bagel chips,
you're not talking about pretzels,
you're not talking about this.
Like you were talking about Doritos, Fritos,
Lay's, Kettle Chips, and Cheetos.
You're talking about Cheetos.
Cheetos are in that.
You know what you did?
You brought out fringe chips.
You brought out, you brought out fringe.
Sun chips.
No, you brought. Talk about sun chips. No, no, you know what you did with You brought out fringe chips. You brought out... Sun chips. Talk about sun chips.
You know what you did with the bagel lavash debate?
You brought in some outliers and some fringe things.
That's how you gotta do it. You gotta go to the outliers
and you gotta narrow it down.
Okay, a bagel chip is a chip
because it
flattens out.
So all flat things are chips down the goal?
Have you seen a bagel? Okay, what is a bagel?
A bagel is a piece of bread that's literally...
But it's leavened, and you just talked about how chips aren't leavened.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Let me finish.
Let me think.
No, you're not understanding.
So you take something that's already been leavened,
that did all of the leavening that it had to do, okay?
It's a finished product. And then you slice it so it's thin like a chip and then you draw out
all the moisture and it becomes crispy like a chip a lavash is a piece of already thin bread
so if you dry it out it's like a cracker chip hybrid i cannot define that because i haven't
thought about it clearly enough and i'm under
pressure so that's the one okay out of the options you have given me i'm trying to speak very calmly
because sometimes i talk really fast on this podcast take your time take your time and i'm
trying to be as uh eloquent as i can be please okay so a bagel chip is a chip a lavash chip is more of a cracker a frito is a chip a lays potato chip
is a chip a funyun is not a chip but if you brought it to me like if you were in like a gas
station and you brought it to me fine whatever i'm not gonna fight you on it don't give me cheetos
because cheetos aren't a chip they're crisp they're a puff if you said get me a bag of chips
and i came out with flaming hot cheetos you would literally be like josh you defied my orders because that's how it works in this world
i'd be like josh this is not what i asked for but i'm down i would just be like no it's okay so
flaming hot cheetos is like my it's like my favorite thing in the world so if you were to
bring so if i asked you to bring me a sandwich and you brought me hot Cheetos, I'd be happy.
If I said, buy me an ice cream
and you brought me hot Cheetos, I'd be happy.
So I'm not the right person to ask,
but if like Joe Schmo wanted chips
and you brought him, you know, Cheetos,
he'd probably be mad.
You think so?
I think it's not the proper thing.
It's acceptable, but it's improper.
Yeah, I feel that.
It's definitely an outlier in the chip category.
I get that it's not the most chip-like chip
in the same way that a Bichon Frise
is not the most dog-like dog, right?
You want an air bug.
Bichon Frise is very much a dog.
What are the crappy little dogs that no one likes?
Chihuahuas?
Chihuahuas.
What I'm saying is air bud.
That's more of a dog than the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
Josh, that's not true at all.
All dogs are considered dogs, even the ones with three legs.
No, if someone said draw a dog, you're drawing Air Bud.
You're drawing a golden sheep.
You know how to draw a dog?
No, I just thought about that.
The only dog I could draw is a dog that's wearing pants.
What I'm saying is Cheetos, you know what I mean?
The dog, it's like, which, how to wear pants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The point is Cheetos are definitely, they're somewhat of an outlier.
I get that they are not the same shape
as most what some would call traditional chips.
To me, they still serve the same function.
I think to me, it's like the term soft drink,
where it's like, I have no idea what that means.
I've never even thought to like Google
what soft drink means, what the origin.
Is it what comes out of a machine?
Maybe, but if someone said, get me a soft drink and you know you got him that uh what is it the brisk uh iced tea that's exactly
what i was thinking of peach and the one from uh zanku chicken yeah i'd be stoked even though soft
drink might mean soda that might be the technical definition the way that chip might be something
flat and cheetos don't fit the technical definition i still i think it's an umbrella that we can
embrace lots of things under i still don't think a Cheeto is a chip.
I will stand by the fact that it is a dippable, puffed snack.
I accept your points and definitions,
and I think we can all come together over the fact that
you should probably just ask for Cheetos by name.
Because that's what, if I were Flamin' Hot Cheetos,
I would be like, yo, get me Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
It's eponymous, it is its own entity,
and it deserves to be called by its name, Cheetos.
I accept that I will call you by your name, Cheetos, featuring Timothee Chalamet.
Nicole, we've heard what you and I have to say.
Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse.
It's time for a segment we call Opinions Are Like Casseroles.
All right, first up, we got UnknownEyerful.
Cheese whiz and pickles on a sandwich is okay, hand.
I imagine that's an emoji that did not get translated.
No, it did not.
Dude, yeah, cheese whiz.
To me, I grew up eating Whiz Whit cheese steaks
because my family is from outside Philadelphia.
Shout out to Allentown, the big A-town down.
What?
So I love, love, love, love Cheez Whiz.
To me, it is the absolute best processed cheese product.
It's better than Easy Cheese.
It's better than Kekana cheese balls.
Nicole, you grew up eating Kekana cheese balls?
Ryan, you had to have grown up eating Kekana cheese balls.
No, but I know what they look like, and I always wanted them because they were in the fancy cheese balls. Ryan grew up, Ryan, you had to have had grown up eating Kakana cheese balls. No, but I know what they look like. And I always wanted them because they were in the fancy
cheese section. And I would just look at them longingly like this, like, I really want one
of those cheese balls, but they had bacon on them and I couldn't eat bacon in my house.
Some, well, some of them just have like nuts and like, like red wine, red wine. And yeah. Oh yeah.
It's they're awful. They are literally just like, it's literally like solid cheese with nuts on the
outside. But I grew up eating so much processed cheese.iz with nuts on the outside. Oh, that sucks.
But I grew up eating so much processed cheese.
Cheese whiz to me is the undisputed king.
Goes great with pickles.
I would opt for either jalapenos
or pickled cherry peppers on that as well.
But yeah, keep eating your cheese and pickle sandwiches.
If the bread is toasted, I'm down.
If it's like just like a piece of limp white bread, I can't.
We should, this is maybe a discussion
that no one wants to have
and an argument that does not exist.
I maintain that all bread, 99% of the time,
is better untoasted.
Oh my God.
I almost never toast my bread.
I almost always steam it when I'm making sandwiches.
You saw me make a breakfast sandwich earlier
where I took the bun and I put it on top of the ham in the pan?
It's because you have soft teeth.
I am not defined by my soft teeth have i
had you sure a lot of dental work done yes have my fillings come out from eating gummy candies
occasionally but no my teeth can handle hard bread well it sounds like you can't my the roof of my
mouth often does not enjoy you know the toast scraping. So maybe I got a delicate little mouth.
Delicate little mouth.
No, my thing is, you already cooked bread.
Bread's cooked. You done it.
You don't need to cook it again.
You don't need to twice bake your bread.
Of course you do.
You just cook it once. It's soft and pillowy.
That's the joy of bread.
It gets soggy and gross.
Toast the old stuff. I don't want to talk about this with you anymore.
Toast the old stuff.
Ryan, we're going to make this another podcast.
Give me the fresh bread.
LacyMa0902 says,
Grew up eating party delights, colon, spam, cheddar cheese,
and sweet gherkin cubed mixed into mayo and mustard
on half a hamburger bun boiled until cheese melted.
Hashtag yummy.
That sounds delicious.
Holy crap.
That's quite a delight if you ask me that's good wait that sounds like you know what it sounds like to me a bit of
like a croque madame or yeah totally totally because you get like from the mayonnaise and
the cheese being broiled you almost get this kind of bechamel quality totally and like when you
broil mayonnaise like you do on a like a dynamite roll at a sushi restaurant broiled mayonnaise gets
this like lovely little crust on it i love dynamite almost custody holy party delights dude spam
cheddar cheese pickles mayo mustard broiled on a hamburger god that sounds good that's like right
up my alley this is yeah this is sending me to a place i didn't know i wanted to be but i'm glad
i'm there now for sure it sounds delicious lacy ma 0902 holy crap this is genius yeah good stuff i've never seen that
i don't know i gotta make it now yeah all right at mod squad mike thoughts on this knowledge is
knowing the tomato is a fruit wisdom is being smart enough to not put it in a fruit salad
didn't i quote this yesterday you did i still think i don't like this i don't i don't think
we can break the world down into you you know, sentences that sound more profound than they actually are.
Have you ever put tomatoes and peaches with like burrata and basil?
Is that not a fruit salad?
No.
Oh.
No, actually it's funny because I was listening to our episode the other day
and I was talking about, you know, tomatoes belong in a vegetable salad,
fruits belong in a fruit salad. And then I thought about a really delicious stone fruit and tomato
salad I had. And I was like, Oh, maybe I'm just talking out of my b-hole. Totally. Cause yeah,
tomatoes and stone fruit go really freaking well together. But no, this, this whole thing of like,
you know, knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit
salad and whatnot. I think we need to look at the epistemological definition of the word is.
Nicole, tomato is knowing it
is a fruit. Did you say epistemological?
Epistemological.
Epistemological? Epistemology is the
study of knowledge. Dude, that's for sure
going to be on Jeopardy today. Dude, that's definitely going to be on Jeopardy.
We're manifesting it. It's one of those quotes like
we have nothing to fear but fear itself. It makes
no damn sense. Yeah, it does. No one
called him on it. You're not scared about fear?
No one called FDR on it.
Fear doesn't scare you?
No, he had like, there were actual things to fear.
Of course, what do you mean you fear fear itself?
No, you fear total war in a crumbling world.
Anyways.
You're on another level.
I'm sorry.
Peyton Lee underscore IDK.
Want to make a PB&J 100 times better?
Add goldfish, the snack.
So good. Number one, thank you for clarifying i was gonna go into my local goldfish purveyor and just scoop up some
fishies and put them in my sandwich so thank you so much for completely erasing that um you know
what makes it better i actually tweeted this uh frosted flakes or corn flakes inside of your pb
and j makes it a million times better
you know what i like doing to my pb and j what i like adding chips inside and my favorite chips
add to pb and j lays cheetos got them what you put cheetos inside of your pb and j's what kind
of jam do you use no oh like crap jam like uh. Like grape jelly and straight up Jiffy peanut butter.
It doesn't work with any of the artisanal stuff.
It doesn't work with Laura Scudder's.
No.
And I do love, I have, man, I have been on a different level with my artisanal PB&Js
at home.
Oh my God, it's incredible.
I've been going to the farmer's market, been dropping like, because you know, it feels
good to spend money, right?
That's the thing we can all agree on.
Yeah.
You know, like a little retail therapy.
But you know, normally what I'm doing is restaurants.
Sure.
And so now it's just like, you know, my girlfriend would go to the farmer's market and I'll be like,
yo, get me $30 worth of nut butter.
And so that's my big indulgence.
Nice.
Just like roasted cashew cinnamon nut butter with like a red plum jam.
That sounds really, really good.
So that's the most exciting thing that's happened to me in the last five months.
That's awesome.
Would you add goldfish? Yeah, I think goldfish would be good. That's okay, really good. So that's the most exciting thing that's happened to me in the last five months. That's awesome. Would you add goldfish?
Yeah, I think goldfish would be good.
That's okay.
All right.
At the Troyer Troyer, my family had the same meal for dinner every Saturday.
Cornbread in a bowl with home canned blueberries, milk, and sometimes butter.
It wasn't a religious thing.
It was just something that we did.
Yeah, this sounds really freaking delicious.
And it actually really reminds me of a dish that was made by, um, oh my God, what is her name? Kelsey Bernard Clark. She was the winner
of top chef like two seasons ago. She made this dish in the finale. She made a dish that was just
torn cornbread on a plate with like cold buttermilk and then a kind of like crudité melange of like
raw fruits and vegetables and stuff. And I was like, yo, that is so simple and so bold.
And she was like, it's something we grew up eating
in the South at my grandmother's house.
But she made it like just a little bit chefy
with, you know, clever presentations of crudités.
And the judges ate it and they were just like,
this is one of the best things I've ever had.
And so I think this is kind of in, you know,
the same vein, cornbread in a bowl,
blueberries, milk, sometimes butter.
That sounds delicious and refreshing
and like the best version of pancakes you could ever have. I love that this is like a real high low dish you know like i
just this is like right up my alley it sounds like the best bowl of cereal i could ever eat
yeah this is amazing like all the best dishes have such kind of humble beginnings you know like
sounds so good to me i don't know what it is it's just it just sounds like like you like it makes
sense that like this is a family thing.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It puts a smile on my face.
I know, me too.
I can imagine your whole family sitting around and eating that.
Yeah, it's really cute.
And it makes me happy.
It makes me miss seeing people.
Yeah, honestly, it made me kind of nostalgic about family stuff.
Yeah.
Look what food does to people.
That's crazy.
Okay, Alex McLarnon.
Not really an opinion, but how the F do you pronounce Worcestershire?
I pronounce it Worcestershire
Wait, say it slowly
Worcestershire
Worcestershire
You can't pronounce it slowly
Why would I pronounce it slowly?
It's Worcestershire
Worcestershire
Worcestershire
Worcestershire
Worcestershire
I say Worcestershire
Worcestershire, Worcestershire.
Okay.
I think it's Worchestershire is how it's kind of spelled,
but I think it's a town in Britain maybe.
And they don't pronounce like any of the letters and all that stuff, right?
They don't have to.
They don't have to.
They're British.
It's cool.
They define the way they speak and the way they want to.
I believe this is pronounced Worcestershire,
and I have pronounced it
Worcestershire for the longest time.
And recently I've gotten a couple of comments from people that go,
Oh,
I made on British and that's correct.
Is how I read it in my mind.
It's correct.
And so I don't know.
I say Worcestershire guy Fieri without fail in all the shows goes,
wash a shot,
shot,
shot,
shot.
And I always go,
you're endearing whenever he does that
so I don't know ask a British person
though you're funny I go Worcestershire
alright at the Troyer Troyer again twofer
having just eaten a box of each
I feel confident in saying that toasted
ravioli and mini corn dogs
are basically the same
toasted ravioli is
a lovely St. Louis treat.
What is it?
It's like fried ravioli.
It's just raviolis that are covered in breadcrumbs
and then fried, but they call it toasted ravioli.
I've had that before.
Yeah, it's like a...
It's not that crazy.
It's kind of worse than like ravioli ravioli.
Yeah, yeah, I've made that before once or twice.
Although what I found out recently
are that pizza rolls are technically ravioli.
This may be a podcast episode, Nicole, but that's the thing i found out recently in my research feel free to take your
own direction on that uh i don't understand how you'd say the basic are you saying they're the
same quality or they're the same i go mini corn dogs wait what do you mean you go mini corn dogs
do you understand what this question is asking no do you it's saying do you think that toasted
ravioli and mini corn dogs are the same thing? No, one's ravioli
and one's a corn dog. Yeah, totally. This is wrong.
What are you talking about? Troyer, Troyer, you literally
gave us such an emotional
intense reaction to your family
eating cornbread. But then you just got to
screw it up by talking about toasted ravioli and corn dogs
being the same thing? Yeah, edit out the
emotional cornbread thing. I don't want to get into it.
Shut it down. Shut it down.
Alright. R. Chase K.
People who put sweeteners
in grits are the worst.
Grits should be served
with butter, salt,
pepper, and egg
slash bacon
mixed in.
Optional.
Go take your sugar
to your oatmeal
slash cream of wheat land
and leave my grits alone.
I agree.
Sugar in grits is nasty.
Sugar in grits is nasty.
Disagree entirely. I think grits, sugar in grits is nasty i think grits sugar and grits is absolutely there's just a sugar butter maybe a little cinnamon obviously i'm not southern i cannot speak to the actual
grit eating experience but coming from a complete outside perspective i love that i think all
porridges that's a grits it's a corn it's a hominy cornmeal porridge in the same way that oatmeal or
cream of wheat or any of that is just a porridge.
And I think all of those should be able to go either sweet or savory.
But no one seems to eat savory oatmeal.
I like savory oatmeal.
I like savory oatmeal too.
I get it.
But it's like how in America we only tend to eat, you know, sweet yogurt.
That's because we're fat.
We do like to dump sugar into everything.
Yes.
But no, I love sugary grits.
Another thing I learned from some islander people
A couple Samoans
You put sugar and butter and rice and just mix that together
That's good
I don't know
Sugar butter white rice
I feel like my Persian ancestors would just slap me across the face
I can't
I'll try it
I don't like sugar and grits
I've tried it before and I'm not a fan
Alright and on that note
Thank you so much for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich.
We got new episodes for you every Wednesday.
If you want to be featured on Opinions or Like Casseroles,
you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or Enhandizade with the hashtag OpinionCasserole.
For more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube.
We launch new videos every week.
And of course, if you want to share pics of your dishes,
hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen. We'll see you next time.
Nicole will have quit and become a doula.
Josh is going to teach beefy kids how to throw
balls. Beefy teens. Beefy teens
throwing balls and placenta
pills.