A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - The Greatest Fast Food of All Time (with Bill Oakley)

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

Today we're joined by Bill Oakley to discuss the greatest fast food items ever. Check out Bill on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thatbilloakley To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. There have been over 50,000 fast food chains in the course of American history spread across a quarter of a million locations. But with all that variety and all that heritage, which fast food items are the cream of the crop? Today we ask, what is the best fast food item ever? This is a hot dog is a sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwichwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense.

A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Scherer. And I'm your host, Nicole Hendizadeh. And today we are proud to be joined by a very special guest.

You might know him as an award-winning television writer for shows like The Simpsons, Portlandia, and Disenchantment. But perhaps more importantly, he's a prolific fast food critic, has been called the nation's foremost authority on fast food. You can follow him on Instagram at ThatBillOakley. Bill Oakley, welcome to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Hey, thanks for having me. It's an honor to be here. Thanks for coming, Bill. I'm excited. Thank you for letting us have you all in our respective bedrooms, which I think is hilarious.

Yeah, Bill. So I mean, I don't know if you're sick of hearing about steamed hams at this point in your life. But to me, that is one of the most memorable jokes of all time. The Simpsons when my brother and I come together to cook hamburgers, we exclusively refer to them as steamed ham. So I'm assuming your interest in fast food is like dated way before you ever started doing the reviews on Instagram. Yes, my interest in fast food goes back dated way before you ever started doing the reviews on Instagram. Yes. My interest in fast food goes back to the 1970s when I was a child and never got to have any. And that's why I'm like this today. Also with video games.

Same thing. I didn't get to have any video games until I was like 20. So now I want all the video games as well. But the fast food is the thing that I've made into kind of a pastime. Should I say it's not a career because it doesn't pay any money. It's kind of a hobby. One of those careers where you have to spend money exclusively and don't get anything in return. I do get a lot of free stuff, but I don't get any money.

But that's okay. I'm happy. The free stuff is fine. I can make my money in the TV writing so far, at least so far so good with that. Yeah, I think you did well. Bill, I have to tell you something that's kind of embarrassing. I've never seen an episode of The Simpsons

and I'm sorry. That's unusual. You don't meet people that have never seen an episode of The Simpsons, especially since it's been on for 31 years now. Yeah, give me a good episode to start with and I'll start. I would say Homer the Heretic season four would be a good way in

or Flaming Moes season three. Somebody actually made me asked me to write a list of simpsons episodes for people who had never seen the simpsons and if you google it i think you'll find my suggestions i'm gonna google it thank you nicole i'm so excited for your journey me too that should be the second podcast just an adult woman watching the sentence for the first time ever i suppose we should talk about the thing that we came here to talk about, which is what is the greatest fast food of all time? I figured we would all three kind of list it and then give each other turns to give our emotional diatribe about why it is the greatest. All right. Take it away, Josh. I thought long and hard about this,

right? There's a lot of routes you could have gone. The Big Mac is the most popular fast food item in America. It was one of the earliest innovations in McDonald's. You could have talked about a lot of Taco Bell items, the Doritos Locos Taco, the Crunchwrap Supreme. Could have talked about the Popeye's chicken sandwich, which is the neo-revolution of premium chicken in the game. But I wanted to take it back a little bit to the Popeye's loaded wrap. It was on Popeye's value menu for a short run of time.

It is no longer available. It was a single Popeye's fried chicken tender inside of a warm cheddar tortilla with a scoop of their red beans and rice. It cost exactly $1 and you could get six at a time served with their Louisiana hot sauce. The thing that gets me about Popeye's chicken sandwich, it is a perfectly fine and good chicken sandwich. It is better than every other chicken sandwich in the fast food game, I believe. But most people were just sleeping on Popeye's for a long time. Popeye's has always had great chicken and they've always done great things with that great chicken. It did not need brioche to be validated as the most perfect, crispy, juicy brine fast chicken in the game. I think that

their infusion of the red beans and rice inside the burrito gave it this beautiful like soul food mexican fusion that is endemic to the los angeles identity and uh ergo cogito ergo sum the papa's loaded chicken wrap is the greatest fast food item of all time well wow i'm i'm proud of you that was really really really deep i've been waiting to get that off my chest for a long time no one will listen to me in the real life until you get on a podcast and then they have to i've never even heard of that so it's a revelation i hope that uh they bring it back or we can at least approximate it at home somehow i if only any of us had any sort of influence in the fast food world i could maybe try and make a difference amazing i'm curious we'll say bill for last nicole what you

got okay i'm gonna go with something we all know we all love we all respect and all have enjoyed it is the four-piece chicken mcnugget from mcdonald's the bell the boot the ball and the bone you know what i'm talking about guys those four beautiful shapes why I love chicken nuggets so much number one I believe that it is a perfectly seasoned piece of uh manufactured chicken I think the flavors are beautiful they are complex but not too complex just complex enough and I think that they're just beautifully soft and wonderfully crispy on the outside I think that they're just beautifully soft and wonderfully crispy on the outside. I think the breading on the outside is amazing. One of my favorite textures in the world is a McDonald's chicken nugget.

They also taste like nostalgia because I used to go to a dance class right next to a McDonald's. And after my three-hour dance class, my mom would get me a Happy Meal because I did such a good job at dance class. And another reason is that it's just the perfect vehicle for did such a good job at dance class. And another reason is that it's just the perfect vehicle for all of the dipping sauces at McDonald's. I think it's just the perfect fast food item because it just doesn't need an introduction. It's just perfect the way it is. It's four pieces of beautifully cooked chicken, beautifully coated, fried to perfection. And yeah, that's pretty much it, man. Why four?

Because it's the perfect amount. I don't need 10. I don't need 40. It's the perfect amount for a child. It's like 160 calories or whatever. Bill, I'm a child on the inside. It feeds the child inside. I mean, that's good. Yeah, I would say the 20. I mean, for me, it would be the 20, I guess, if I was going to have to pick a size. Well, that's good. Yeah, I would say the 20. I mean, for me, it would be the 20, I guess, if I was going to have to pick a size. Well, that's your choice, Bill. Okay. All right. Bill, what you got?

I have my list of contenders, and then I'll tell you what the winner is. Okay, so this is a long list. Okay. The Popeye's chicken sandwich. The Burger King Whopper. Fries from McDonald's. The Chick-fil-A sandwich. Popeye's boneless wings.

The Quarter Pounder Deluxe from McDonald's. the Arby's Beef and Cheddar Sandwich, the McDonald's Cheeseburger, the Cheeseburger from Five Guys, the Wendy's Frosty, McDonald's Big Mac, the Panda Express Orange Chicken, the In-N-Out Double Double, the cookies from Wendy's, the Sonic Chili Cheese Tots, the Sonic Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster, Arby's Curly Fries, a Freddy's Steakburger, Shaq Burger from Shake Shack, Jack in the Box Tacos, McDonald's apple pie, Carl's Jr. Southwest chicken sandwich, White Castle cheeseburger, Del Taco double Del cheeseburger,

Wendy's sauce and bacon cheeseburger, the queso from Qdoba, the turkey and stuffing panini from Starbucks, the hot dog at Costco's food court, the meatball sub from Subway, and the pulled pork sandwich from Dickies. Those are the contenders. I don't think my full

list has ever been revealed uh to the public but that is the full that is the full list bill i am color me impressed costco i had it written down and i thought i'd drag it out for this for this event uh my list of the greatest fast food items of all time um and you know some are desserts and some are sides and whatnot, but you already stepped on my point earlier by listing this. I would say the Big Mac, not the Big Mac, but a Big Mac-ish cheeseburger is the thing. Here's the thing.

I would not pick the McDonald's Big Mac as the best one. We're talking about a double-decker cheeseburger with a special sauce. I would say the In-n-out double double would qualify there but honestly i prefer the one from big boy if you've ever been to big boy it was invented at big boy and and the big boy in burbank is i guess the actual location where it was

invented and apparently mcdonald's in in and out kind of stole the idea from big boy um and that's why the sandwich was originally called the big boy i've done a lot of research on this topic in any case that one is of the all the double decker cheeseburgers with special sauce that i've ever had that is the finest one there you go that is blowing my mind what what makes the bob's big boy double decker burger so much better than say like a mcdonald's or an in and out what is the factor that has pushed it over the top for you? It's a little bigger. And the sauce is somewhat different. The sauce is kind of a ketchupy relish type thing. It's not kind of, it doesn't have like a mayonnaise-y element in it. And the flavor's just like lit up. The flavor's lit up my mouth. And it could just be that I've had so many of those other ones that I take them for granted now.

But that was the one, like, I still remember that one and I reminisce about it, whereas I don't do that quite so much about the Big Mac or the In-N-Out Double Double. Those are great, too, though. We were talking about the Big Mac recently, and we were talking about how much we love its diminutive size. And when I was a kid growing up, the Big Mac was this thing where it was like, oh, my God, this is such an adult cheeseburger. I can never fathom eating something as large as the Big Mac because the commercials are shot with it all like, you know, low angle and in a hero stance. And then I now eating them as an adult. It's like these are like a snack size cheeseburger. I can throw them back three at a time. The patties are literally one tenth of a pound, you know, but to me, it's the perfect ratio.

Like you don't want to focus on the beef for a fast food burger, to me, because it's always going to be crap. I agree with you so wholeheartedly, and we all got to learn exactly how perfect the Big Mac was when they did those different versions of it last year and the year before, when they had the Grand Mac, the double, remember that? And they had the Mini Mac, which was just like a Big Mac with one patty, which was not that great. And they had that Grand Mac, which was the Big Mac with the quarter-pounder patties, which was just like a big mac with one patty which was not that great and they had that

grand mac which was the big mac with the quarter pounder patties which was too big and the proportions were all off and i think just to agree with you wholeheartedly the one the actual original one is far superior to every other incarnation of it at mcdonald's yeah completely i i remember when carl's jr did their big macoff, the Big Carl, which I'm sure you're familiar with. Yeah, that was pretty good, I thought. But they brought it back I used to actually, they were two for $3 and that was about 2000 calories and 108 grams of protein. And so as a large beefy boy trying to beef up in the gym, I would actually eat them inside a 24 hour fitness sauna. Looking back is the most disgusting thing possible. How disrespectful to the other people.

So I was just steaming, you know, big Carl's inside of a public gym sauna for a while. No way. That's a special place in my heart. You did not do that. No respect for the other patrons in the sauna. So the legend of the creation of the Big Mac, right, is that it was, I believe, in Pittsburgh. And it was like a rogue franchisee who decided that steel workers, you know, wanted to have a more hearty lunch. And so they needed to like triple stack these patties and he whipped up the sauce off the top of his head.

That's like the kind of Canon legend on how it's created. Right. I feel like I've heard that, but I think that everything I have read seems to indicate that people just took the idea from Bob's big boy that, that, that, but you know,

I'm sure all those places have their own origin stories. Nobody wants to admit that they just stole it. But that was like, as far as I can tell, it was the originator of this genre of burger. Is the Bob's Big Boy sauce similar to the apple pan sauce by any chance? Have you ever had the apple pan sauce? Yeah, I think it is.

I think it is similar, actually. I was just thinking about it, and I love that burger so much. I feel like it's just... I wouldn't consider it it fast food but i think it's such a good burger and anyone that comes to la should definitely try an apple pan burger specifically the hickory burgers like my jam yeah i agree we used to get this all the time at the simpsons that was like the thing also people would also order pie people sometimes would order a whole pie and put it in the refrigerator and just keep eating pieces of it all afternoon long. Everybody got really fat there.

I lost 65 pounds after I left The Simpsons. That's incredible. Are there any other like legendary food stories in the writer's room? Like was everybody kind of on the same page of the type of food that you guys ate? No. I mean, there was a lot of debate about like, well, remember, this was the 90s, first of all. I'm talking about The Simpsons when I worked there. about like, well, remember, this was the 90s. First of all, I'm talking about the systems when I worked there. The lunch, you know, was always a big deal, because there's such it's such a

monotonous type of work. Also, this was back before people had cell phones. So there was no distractions. You know, you're sitting in that room all day long with the same eight people. And the only entertainment you have is the is the lunch, and sometimes the dinner, if you stay there. So it takes on this outsized importance. And the problem is people never agree about where to go to lunch because some people want to eat healthy and some people don't want to eat healthy and some people want to have food that they can nibble on all day and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So yes, there was a lot of debate about that. And a lot of times we just go to places that were close, like the Apple Pan

or Islands, you know, or just the Fox Hill Commissary. But a lot of times people would go, would want something that was a little more healthy. That was when Cuckoo Roo was around, if you remember Cuckoo Roo. Oh, Bill, you just dropped the hammer. We love Cuckoo Roo. I tweeted about Cuckoo Roo like a month ago because I missed it so much. It was one of my favorite fast food places, RIP Cuckoo Roo. It's so good.

It was so good. I found but I found there's a, there's a, um, a couple of recipes online. You can make your homemade kukuru and it works really well. I've made a couple and I highly recommend those recipes. They can, you marinate like in pineapple juice and stuff. It's great. Fantastic. Good to know. I grew up eating kukuru from my West LA Jewish family. Like every Shabbat, we just got a giant tray of kukuru. So for us, that is such a hilarious throwback reference uh that i feel like not many people would understand but me and nicole are right there with you the weird thing is like totally vanished like it was such a thing it was it was so many of them and it was so ubiquitous in the 90s in la and then it just vanished and

now it seems like a relic it's a you know as you said it's an antique vintage reference but at the time it seemed like it was just a normal thing. I thought they were everywhere. Anyway, so we would get food. So to take on an outsized importance, and sometimes at night we would also – if you had to stay for dinner, then you'd be mad, and you'd want to order a lot of food to cost a show a lot of money. Oh, yeah. I feel that. I'll just tell you that now they don't have this anymore.

They have a limit. There's a budget. And you can't order anything that's more than $12 or something like that. I heard. But at the time, um, in the nineties, there was nobody paying attention and we would just order, the sky's the limit and people would order stuff and take it home. Like, like I would order several shrimp cocktails and bring them home later, um, you know, or share them with people.

Um, and also like at one time I ordered caviar, and that got around. And, like, Bill Oakley was the guy who ordered caviar at the Simpsons for dinner. And, like, people in eight talent agencies were talking about it. That became my claim to fame. But this was also at a time, let me say, that Fox was being really annoying. Like, the Simpsons was the number one show on Fox. And, like, we were bringing in a ton of money for them. And they never acknowledged us. Like the Simpsons is the number one show on Fox. And like, we were bringing a ton of money for them and they never acknowledged us.

Like we didn't get along with the network. Let me say that. And, and, or, or the 20th century Fox studios. So, uh,

at the time we were just like, we want to cost them as much money as possible. Now that was a different time. And these days you can't order more than a $12 sandwich. So like things, things have changed. Anyway, uh, that's my story about the Simpsons writers room. I remember so many jokes that I assumed there were some internal things that I didn't understand as a 10-year-old child watching The Simpsons where you guys were just dogging on Fox very openly all the time.

How did those get through? That was the miracle of The Simpsons is that they didn't get to have any input. It's one of the few times in the history of television where the network wasn't allowed to have any input. This is because the network was just invented in 1988, 1989, right? And when they wanted James Brooks and Matt Green to – those were shorts on Tracy Ullman. When they turned it into a series, James O. Brooks, who had all these Academy Awards and had created Mary Tyler Moore in Taxi, was able to just say, OK, we'll do the show. But you can't have any input. You can't come to the table readings of the script.

You can't see the scripts. We'll deliver you a we'll deliver you a, you know, a final show and you have to broadcast it. And they agreed to that. Wow. And it was a miracle. And that's how we got away with everything. We did have to go through the sensor um and we weren't trying to push the envelope in terms of like language or nudity anyway so the sensor it wasn't a big issue but uh at the time they had no input at all we

but they were i mean maybe that's why they ignored us so much um which is fine you know whatever we got caviar in exchange we don't exactly have the type of budget that the Simpsons would have at Mythical, but me and Nicole, we've both pocketed a fair amount of caviar. It would have gone to waste. Of course. Caviar waste is a big problem in America. I remember making a bologna and caviar sandwich for lunch one day in the office, and I was like, this is my life now.

This is happening. Lots of exotic meats get to go back home to me. So I got an antelope steak in the in the freezer some some antelope yeah you better be chicken frying that antelope I will chicken fry the antelope steak and let you know how it is so what's it like coming from such a like vaunted network background to now like jumping into the digital media game with instagram reviews well like I said this doesn't pay any money like, it's like the stakes are low. The main difference.

Well, the stakes, that's the thing about most entertainment ventures is that you can have all the creative freedom you want if you don't want any money, if you don't need any money. Like if you're asking someone else for money, you've got to do what they say and you've got to take their notes and their input, which is why doing these things for Instagram is so delightful to me because I've come up with an idea and two two hours later I've shot the video, and it's out there in public. And it doesn't have to go through the lawyers. It doesn't have to go through the network executives giving me notes. It doesn't have to have whatever.

It's entirely my creation. So I really do enjoy it quite a bit, and I enjoy putting out that stuff because it's so different than my regular work, which has to go through these, you know, everything takes 18 months. It's got to go through 90 lawyers. You've got to go through several layers of different executives and notes and things. If you're lucky, they're very good. But sometimes in the past they haven't been. So it's a very different world. But like I said, it doesn't pay any money. So that's the trade-off. And that's the eternal trade-off for all kind of creative work. You can write all the movie scripts you want, but they're not going to go anywhere. You know, if you, if you want any money for them, you're going to have to take someone

else's notes. You know, you guys know I'm sure. Oh yeah. Well, I mean, it's funny because we're, we're kind of, we're in the digital space, you know, obviously we make YouTube shows, um, but you know, we have a bit of a bigger company than a lot of places do. Uh, and so I think we really like strike a fine balance where we can, you know, get as much caviar and antelope steaks as we want with still having a little bit of a bigger company than a lot of places do and so i think we really like strike a fine balance where we can you know get as much caviar and antelope steaks as we want with still having a

little bit of creative freedom and enough money to afford this beautiful bedroom and nicole has a walk-in closet we're thriving it's a converted walk-in closet it sounds to me like that's like like that that would be an ideal mixture of the two is to have is to have your own tv show have a very probably just you guys already doing this have a big show on youtube and then you don't have to take anybody's notes and you're also making money that's amazing it's been pretty chill it's been pretty chill um one thing i was gonna say earlier one thing that's super apparent with your instagram fast interviews is like truly how much you do enjoy it and one thing you can tell how you enjoy it is

because you are frequent like you do it a lot a lot of people will try and start a creative venture and then they'll peter out after like a month or two of doing it but like it seems like you're really doing this from like i don't know if altruism is the correct word but it seems like it's coming from a very genuine place it is and thank you like it has slowed down obviously due to the pandemic um because there haven't been nearly as many fast food new fast food items and there's also been the issue of like, you know, there's like the worker safety and health and all that stuff. So I haven't been doing as many.

I've actually done more homemade things, which I do. I also do some kind of homemade things. Like my most recent one was that Limburger cheese one that I did a couple of weeks ago. And that was all done at home. But I'm going to go back out and start doing the fast food ones pretty soon. Yes, to answer your question. Yes, it is entirely a labor of love. And it's always because I want to try these. I want to, you know, I don't usually do things I don't want to try. It's I want to try this. And then I kind of want to, I kind of want to bloviate about it and give you my opinion of it as well. Bill, I wanted to ask what is we just

talked about what the best fast food item is of all time. What do you think is the worst? The worst fast, okay, this is good. I'm glad you asked this question. The worst fast food item I've had that I can remember is the tacos from Burger King. And that was about two years ago. If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you'll know that I have, I don't like Burger King. But I do like, I still like the Whopper quite a bit, but they have all these other crazy things that they keep every two months. There's some new thing that's all about and they're all about the freaking viral videos and Twitter, you know, and they're all like all they care about is is putting out these hip ads and then getting you in this restaurant to serve you this substandard food. And specifically the tacos were the worst of the worst because it's clear to me that what happened was that some company made,

you know, Jack in the box tacos. They're, they're similar to Jack in the box tacos. And some company was like, we got 70 warehouses filled with these crappy tacos. When you take them off our hand and Burger King was like, yes.

And then they create this viral campaign, which is all cool. And they got people dancing in the middle of the street at night with the Burger King to eat these cool tacos. And it's, and the tacos suck there. I got, the funny thing is that they're like, you know, the Jack in the Box tacos, right? Sure. Like the Jack in the Box tacos are pretty good, I think. But this is the, was the same kind of thing where they got, apparently somebody who worked there told me, like they get them frozen and you dump them right in the fryer. And then when they're done frying, you've got to pry them open and stuff in the lettuce and the taco sauce, right?

So the ones I got were shattered. They were like – because the people who had cooked them obviously didn't care or didn't know what they were doing. It was literally that you unwrapped the wrapper and it was a whole bunch of broken pieces of taco with like a pile of meat. And it was like they were like Burger King. I mean, they're like back in the box ones that were horribly mutilated. It's rare that I don't finish a fast food item. You know, even if I don't like it, I still kind of like it enough to finish it. Me too.

I guess that's the magic of fast food. But in this case, I just couldn't stop laughing. How about you, Josh? I'm wondering what's your like least favorite worst gag worthy item yeah i i think so many of the worst items in fast food history come from like bill said this stupid viral type marketing campaign from someone trying to appeal to quote-unquote millennial viewers i use quote-unquote because people have no idea what that word actually means or how to define it uh but for me it is carl's jr's most american burger oh does anyone remember this no i've never heard

of it no oh wait i do remember that yeah it had a split hot dog on top which again like a split hot dog and a burger if you are a diner in la like if you go to i don't know like you know oaky dog or even something like fat cells that's like a fun kind of thing that you can do. It's not my personal taste, but this is Carl's Jr. They have no hot dog infrastructure built in. Like Burger King didn't have taco infrastructure. Jack in the Box has been frying tacos for like 40 damn years. That's why when they fry them, they're able to pry them open because they're not fully crispy on the bottom. They're kind of like steamed and wet. So the tortilla is pliable. It's these little things with infrastructure that need you know uh to keep the fast food wheels moving that's what they're entirely built on and so they would

just split a hot dog open they were supposed to grill it mine didn't have any grill marks on it and it was just cold so i think someone took it out the package and slapped it on the burger and then there were a handful of Lay's potato chips on there one of the reasons i love fast food burgers is because they're wrapped together and then everything kind of steams inside of itself you know and like the ketchup's always piping hot in a way that i love and so there's just these like lettuce steamed wet chips a cold hot dog on just a great carl's junior burger and it was just like the the least well thought out item in history oh that sounds horrible but there's a place in west la called marty's hamburger stand have you ever had marty's they make the best never been to marty's they make the best

like split hot dog burger i've ever had in my life highly recommended wow sorry had to had to jump in there i gotta check it out wait nicole what's yours okay two words chicken fries horrific yes yes oh my gosh i don't even know what kind of witch created those but they are horrific they're dry they're chalky they're weirdly like spicy and smoky they just don't do it for me in any way shape or form i've tried it maybe like three times just like give it an honest go you know i was like maybe the one here made it a little bit drier or maybe someone here made it a little bit. It was just disgusting every single time I've tried it. Just a completely disgusting mess.

Sorry, Burger King, but didn't like it. Guys, they're like, I just want to say one more thing about Burger King. Of course. Every, if you, yes, they're all about this viral thing. This is what drives me crazy. It's like, they're like,

Burger King is introducing this new blank. And sometimes it's like the Halloween burger or whatever. Let's just say that's the example. And you see a thousand articles online about it, and it's all over Twitter. And then you go to the thing and it says it's available at 12 locations on one day.

Which is like, what the f***? Why is anybody publicizing this? It's absurd, because if every location was going to get it, that's fine. Maybe that's a bit more of an event. But most of the ones they do that have these viral things are only available at like 10 stores in the whole country for one day. And it just seems like it's a fraud, I say. It's fraud. I came to YouTube from the digital publishing world.

So I used to write for online magazines, blogs, all that. And so I was the ass who was writing like Burger King's new Flamin' Hot Mac and Cheetos available for blah, blah, blah. Because, you know, you'll get 50,000 people who click on the article and then approximately nine of them actually go to one of the 12 locations that serves it. And so like the articles are doing no one any favors except for keeping Burger King in the headlines. Maybe it has some SEO thing backing it but i agree burger king was the king of doing these crappy items and their mac and cheetos to me were the worst so were their pretzel chicken fries because they essentially cut a nugget in half and then added twice the breading and it was trash but their their mac and cheetos were the absolute worst and they stole them from a blogger the vulgar chef who came out with a mac

and cheese crusted cheeto fries recipe on his youtube channel and i believe burger king stole them that is my conspiracy theory for the day i totally believe it yeah we need to take down the king yeah we're a democratic country we're gonna we've elected mayor mccheese we've talked about what the best fast food item is but i'm curious one more grand overarching question if you had to eat one fast food item for the rest of your life what would it be would it be different every single day every meal one fast food item i know the answer to this one take it away bill i do too it would be mcdonald's cheeseburgers i could eat an infinite amount of mcdonald's cheeseburgers i could i like one time i think i got 10 just to see and i still

wanted more after i don't know what it is about that but like i never get tired one time i think i got 10 just to see and i still wanted more after i don't know what it is about that but like i never get tired of them i don't even mind them heated up you know because i i recently read this thing about how you can just put you keep them in the wrapper and you can microwave them for 30 seconds and they're like 80 is good so i've been doing that too but like i don't there's no limit to the amount of mcdonald's cheeseburgers i could eat and i could eat one every like you know you know that guy who ate a Big Mac every day of his life for like 45 years, right? I can easily see that. Big Mac is good, but I think I prefer I wouldn't get tired of the cheeseburgers and I might get tired of the Big Mac. That's my statement. Thank you.

Amen. I back in the day when I was growing up, McDonald's had I believe 29 cent hamburger Saturdays, 39 cent cheeseburger Sundays, limit 10 per customer. But it was me, my dad and my brother. And my dad would, you know, hand me and my brother like four bucks each, we would go in different lines. And so we would end up with a freezer full of 60 McDonald's burgers to eat throughout the week for three people. And so I froze them. Did they come back to life? Okay, after you froze them? They did. You learned quickly that you had to separate the bun from the patty and you had to microwave the patty for like 35 seconds.'re so thin so they like come out you know

pretty evenly no matter what and then you put it back inside the bun wrap it microwave that for 15 seconds then let it rest for a minute and so like ever since i was a kid and i would doctor them up because i was a little culinarian you know so i take some like thai sweet chili sauce in the 99 cent store put that on a m's burger so I I totally get the nostalgia and it is a perfectly balanced little bite of food they almost eat like dumplings to me like little oh yeah they are that's a good point yeah Nicole what's your answer it's gonna be an In-N-Out animal style cheeseburger but just a single not the double double I just love In-N-Out so much and I could I could eat it every day if i really really set my mind to it i wouldn't

feel good i'd probably like be very very sick but i just love everything about in and out i think their produce is the best produce out of any fast food chain i've ever ever had in my life their tomatoes are beautiful truly delicious to me i'm a big fan of in and out what's on the animal style animal style is the grilled onions and mustard mustard grilled patty and extra sauce okay i've never had that believe it or not bill you must i'm dying and pickles in and out doesn't add pickles to their standard burger but they do with animal style which is why i'm not a big fan i love pickles generally but for me i go regular on my in and out burgers i do onions two ways though as a southern california person it's like a part of your identity what your in-and-out order is yeah i know mine by hearts the thing with that places like that is i always go i go so rarely

i get to go to in and out so rarely that i don't want to miss my chance to have the regular thing that i love so i'm always like should i get something weird should i experiment but no then i just stick to the regular order of the bubble because i don't want to miss my chance to have the thing that i can i came there for that's our privilege as southern californians and we accept that on my list i had animal style fries were up there on my potential top along with wiener schnitzel chili dogs which i believe are primarily underrated the costco chicken bake and also the el pollo loco three-piece meal, which is my every single day I would eat that. I, you know, part of me, I like to keep a little bit fit. Sports have always been important to me in my life.

And so every single day I would eat rice, black beans, and a side salad with the El Pollo Loco three-piece chicken. I think El Pollo Loco is so underrated and they are authentically Mexican, which blows a lot of people mind they started in mexico and then moved to uh i think it's on alvarado's the original la location and now they've taken america by storm their grilled chicken is fantastic it is dare i say better than the cuckoo roo and so i could eat that every single day it is really good it's healthy too the meal you're describing is actually one of the it's probably one of the healthiest

possible fast food yeah that's a very sustainable meal, Josh. That's what I'm saying. I'm going long game, like for the apocalypse, like when there's only one. And also I think they've had the best COVID stay at home commercials too. Oh yeah.

It's like whatever you need, El Pollo Loco got you. Nicole, Bill, we've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse. It's time for a segment we call Opinions Are Like Casseroles. All right, first up, we got at Alexandre, mayonnaise goes in spicy ramen.

Fight me. Nah, dude, that's a pasta salad. That sounds delicious to me. I actually had some spicy ramen that came with a little mayonnaise packet inside. And it was delicious. Yeah. I got it sent to my house. Someone found my address and sent me ramen.

And it was actually a spicy meagering. And it had all the little spicy packets and stuff. And it had a little mayonnaise packet. And it was really good. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Bill, do you have any strong instant noodle opinions? No, I almost never have instant noodles. And the thing is, actually, that sounded really gross to me until you said pasta salad.

And I was like, oh, I like pasta salad. So it's true. It's all about my preconceived notions that have to be broken down. I can see it being totally good. That's what this podcast is about. That's what the show is all about. Great. This podcast is mostly about us yelling about nonsense,

talking about the idea of an infinity lasagna, but also breaking down preconceived notions. Roblob says horseradish is for people with working taste buds. I'm okay with horseradish, but I only like it on my Arby's roast beef sandwiches because Arby's is my dad's favorite restaurant. So I was conditioned to love horseradish at a very young age. So I agree.

I love horseradish. Yeah, I'm down with horseradish, especially its importance on the Pesach table growing up. You learn to love horseradish. Me and my brother, we would have competitions during Passover to see who could eat the most horseradish in one bite. But no, I dig it. I love horseradish. I'm in agreement with you. I like it prepared,ish in one bite. But no, I dig it. I love horseradish. I'm in agreement with you.

I like it prepared, like I like an Arby's sauce and I like it regular. And in fact, that's like some guy who lives nearby offered me a whole bunch of horseradish plants and I'm going to go pick them up and I'm going to grow them and make my own horseradish. That's what I decided I'm going to do for this summer. Very, very cool. I do like it. Okay. So back to what you asked. The best fast food condiment

yeah or dipping sauce condiment sauce whatever buffalo sauce from where i don't like like i'm talking like individual restaurants oh uh uh i can you put me on the spot i can't do that man i need some preparation time for this it's tricky because there are so many hundreds of them and even like mcdonald's like i can't even keep track of the 10 or 12 that McDonald's has, let alone like the 20 that Popeye's has. I will tell you that the one that springs to mind most recently was the Popeye's bash sauce from their boneless wing bash like two years ago, which is kind of like a spicy, spicy, creamy kind of buffalo type sauce.

But it's better than all the rest I think McDonald's has created the perfect spicy honey mustard in the world it's one of those things like I love McDonald's McNuggets I think there's also a theory that McDonald's got the idea for McNuggets from restaurants like Panda Express like Chinese

American restaurants they just took this idea of like deep frying especially it's a wet batter so McDonald's is literally like tempura frying their nuggets and so they had this idea of like deep frying especially it's a wet batter so mcdonald's is literally like tempura frying their nuggets and so they had this idea that was stole from like these chinese american restaurants which i find very fascinating um so i'm also a huge mcnugget fan and especially with their honey mustard it is like spicy it's deep and brown it seems elevated for what mcdonald's serves i'm a big fan popeye's blackened ranch is also good did you have two years ago the mcdonald's

sweet and spicy honey barbecue tenders i believe that was the best chicken dish ever served at mcdonald's you know i'm talking about they were not like yes they were not nuggets they were like these long tenders and they were with this they had the sauce that was absolutely delicious it was good but it was a limited time offering it's funny i actually uh wrote this whole thing there was a a period where every single fast food chain was doing their different chicken tenders at a time. Like Carl's Jr. Started doing their hand dip tenders,

which is like their big thing. McDonald's had them Burger King brought back their tenders. And I had this wacky theory that it was because of cattle herd shortage and climate change. Beef prices were soaring. Chicken prices were dropping. That was also when Burger King brought back the Yumbo hot ham and cheese. I remember that. I keep thinking

about the name Yumbo pops into my head every couple of days and I'm like why am I thinking about this? Did you ever have it? No. Is it good? Yeah, it's fine. It's a perfect hot ham and cheese sandwich, which is a good place to talk about. You have an eponymous sandwich, which is my favorite

term in the history of terms uh in portland right now just like tell me about you know how you got a sandwich named after you i invented the sandwich to be honest and it wasn't like it's not like the world's most original sandwich it's like i like to monkey around with stuff at home and i was making a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches and i evolved onto a grilled ham and cheese um and this is kind of it's kind of a little bit like a cuban sandwich but it's basically like the sandwich that, that I made at home and was enjoying and was tweeting about and posting on my Instagram where was it basically, it was a grilled ham and cheese, but it also had some pickles on it and it had Duke's mayonnaise

and it had Coleman's mustard. And this really, the thing that really makes it transcendent is the Coleman's mustard, which is like my, my favorite condiment discovery of the past couple of years. It's obviously been around for a hundred years, but I didn't know about it. So anyway, you put all that stuff together on the sandwich and it was just so delicious. It's also so, so gooey and creamy inside with the, both the mayonnaise and the cheese, but the pickles, et cetera. So one of our local food carts, in fact, one of the best ones that's also kind of gained a lot of prominence decided, uh, asked me if they could make it and started selling it. And then the guy, Justin Hintz, who runs it, had the genius idea of making it the steamed ham sandwich by adding this component

where the ham was steamed. So you also got that whole steamed hams thing, which I've become famous for. So it was sold as the Bill Oakley steamed ham sandwich. And it was only sold for one weekend last year and then one day this year. And apparently it was very successful. I gathered that it was the biggest day of the year for that place both times. And it was delicious.

It went over there. And like, you know, the whole, if you can tack it onto the whole steamed hams thing and have, it gets a lot of prominence among Simpsons fans. So it was delicious and that's my sandwich the um anybody who wants the recipe uh i just you can send me a message on twitter or instagram and i'll send it to you that sounds absolutely delicious i'm

gonna be the first to send you that dm for the recipe so please do i i'm happy to spread the joy with that also because you can't get it like unless you live in portland and you come on that one day of the year you can't get it anywhere, unless you live in Portland and you come on that one day of the year, you can't get it anywhere. And, and also I like to turn on people to Coleman's mustard because I always, it's such a weird, it's like,

you know, have you had it? You know what it is, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's like,

it's like yellow, but a little bit sweet and very horseradishy, right? Very spicy. No, it's more, it tastes actually a lot like Chinese hot mustard. Yes.

Like Chinese mustard. Exactly. But it's real hot. And like, I mean for mustard and it's more, it tastes actually a lot like Chinese hot mustard. Yes. Like Chinese hot mustard. Exactly. But it's real hot. And like, I mean, for mustard and it's like, it just, but it has this certain level of richness that you don't get from any other mustard that, um, so that's what kind of gives that sandwich. It's notoriety. I've also never had Duke's mayonnaise.

We tried to get Duke's shipped, uh, but it was during the summer and it had all like separated in the shipping heat. Oh, man, it's so good. I've never had it. It's hard to get outside this, you know, and they take it for granted in the South. And they don't just have the Duke's mayonnaise, but they got like Duke's tartar sauce and Duke's salad spread. Like they got 20 different, Duke's has 20 different things and you never see them anywhere outside of the South. So people, some of my Instagram people have been sending it to me.

And it's so good. outside of the South. So people, some of my Instagram people have been sending it to me. Um, uh, and it's so good. And like, it's, you know, people like that Kewpie mayonnaise. You guys like that Kewpie mayonnaise,

right? To me, that is, it's very good, but it's a little eggy. Uh, it has a little bit of taste of a yolk in it. Whereas Duke's does not have that.

Duke's is incredibly, it's the same quality, but it's so creamy. It tastes like it's miraculously creamy. Um, so I recommend you try it if you can. I mean, it's so creamy it tastes like it's miraculously creamy um so i recommend you try it if you can i mean it's like all mayonnaise all professionally made mayonnaise is pretty good i think lots of people hate mayonnaise by the way agree but they like you

know hellman's and best foods are all i would say those are all 90s but duke's is a 100 like it's just that much better i'm sold i need to get on it we gotta get some dukes shipped we got at fish fire cat pickles covered in cream cheese wrapped in turkey or ham is real good this was like a it's much better i'm sold i need to get on it we gotta get some dukes shipped we got at fish fire cat pickles covered in cream cheese wrapped in turkey or ham is real good this was like a staple low carb snack as a child which is funny because i was also eating big carls in a sauna at that time yeah this is like uh for all you keto heads out there just covering pickles and cheese and wrapping it in ham as if it were a tortilla that's a burrito in my book yeah this sounds like something you do at 3 a.m when you've just lost all hope aka i'm used to it but it's also pretty healthy i mean like that's like i've seen i know

i've seen that i've never tried that but i've seen it in a lot of things that are like here's a healthy snack that you can make quickly you know it's always in like these diet things yeah just wrap everything in processed meat right well. Well, it's not extremely healthy, but it's healthier than having a sandwich with a lot of mayonnaise on it. Fair. How do you feel about dipping fries in your Frosty? I have never done it. It doesn't sound appealing to me. I've heard people say it's good though. It's very good. I'm a big fan. I like the salty and the sweet and the creamy and the crunchy. It all makes sense to me. The thing about it is when I go to fast food, I don't usually get fries or a milkshake. I want to have an extra hamburger.

That's like for the same amount of calories, I'd rather have another hamburger than having the fries or the shake. And I do that almost every time. And also I only want fries if I'm going to eat there at the restaurant because within five minutes, they're going to be crappy.

So that's kind of my standard go-to. I have gotten in fights with significant others because I insist on eating at the fast food restaurant and they're like, no, take it home. I'm like, those eight minutes are where the quality deteriorates 90%. It's not fair. I would like to eat this in the Taco Bell. That is the gospel, what you're saying. That is so true. And this, unfortunately we live in this pandemic era where a lot of people are getting fast food delivered. The vast majority of it

doesn't hold up. And if you're only delivering it like a block away from the Taco Bell, fine. But the Taco Bell that I had delivered took like 45 minutes to get here. And it was so nauseating.

I didn't want to eat Taco Bell again for six months. And I like Taco Bell. So you're so right. It didn't want to taco bell again for six months um like and i like taco bell so like it's you're so right it can't be delivered fast some food holds up better than others but like taco bell did not yeah the crunch the crunch wrap supreme turns into a wrap supreme in about four minutes once that tostada it gets absorbed by all the other foods in it and the tostada is literally non-existent after four minutes. You got to eat there.

And I even have a system for which items like you eat first. You have to go to crunchiest to softest from like most likely to lose heat. So if you have an item that is fully sealed, like a burrito, the quesarito is the best example because it is fully sealed and there's liquid cheese in there, which is everyone know retains heat very well. And so you save that for the end. It's still going to be hot and people don't get this, which is why I guess my relationships didn't work out. That's very wise. I totally agree with you. Like, as we said, you know,

some, I would get McDonald's cheeseburgers delivered and then put them in the fridge and microwave one and have one every hour for the whole day. That's like the best, that would be good. Like, but some food just is not worth it for the whole day. There you go. That's like the best. That would be good. But some food just is not worth it for the delivery. No. All right. And on that note, Bill, thank you so much for joining us.

Where can people find more of your famous fast food opinions? My Instagram. It is thatbillokeley. D-H-A-T-B-I-L-L-O-A-K-L-E-Y. I put up those videos fairly frequently, although I said

they've been declining a bit in frequency due to the pandemic. But I do put new content on my Instagram story almost every day sometimes it's fast food sometimes it's snack food or stuff from people send me from all over the world that's what I'd like everybody to go to is my Instagram and follow me and then we can have lots of fun interactions I hope for everyone go follow Bill have fun interactions with them it really is such an entertaining and also like informative and genuine Instagram page I love it so much

and thank you so much for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich we got new episodes for you every Wednesday if you want to be featured on Opinions are Like

Casseroles you can hit us up on Twitter at mythicalchef or nhandizadeh with the hashtag opinion casserole and for more

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Thanks, Bill. Thanks, Bill. Bye-bye. you