A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - When Does A Grilled Cheese Become A Melt?

Episode Date: September 2, 2020

The grilled cheese can be many things, but where's the line when it ceases to be that simple classic and become something more? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Crispy, melty, crunchy, stretchy, you can make it from a rustic country loaf over an open flame or toss some Wonder Bread and Kraft Singles in a hot iron. The grilled cheese can be many things, but where's the line when it ceases to be that simple classic and becomes something more? When does a grilled cheese become a melt? This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what?

That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Hendizadeh. And today we are discussing at what moment does a grilled cheese become a melt? So this

needs a little bit of prefacing because it's probably a question that a lot of people haven't thought of, right? They've gone through their whole lives just eating melted cheese in between toasted bread and they haven't actually thought about what they are eating. I think they know they're eating a grilled cheese. I think they think they know they're eating a grilled cheese, but there is one Redditor. This is a very famous Reddit post. Louis Black, comedian, a favorite of ours. He's an old Jewish man who yells, so we're... I'm Louis Black, and I'm eating a grilled cheese sandwich.

I'm mad about grilled cheese. That was a little bit Gilbert Gottfried. He reminds us of, like, old Jewish uncles that we probably both have. Anyways, he did a very good dramatic reading of this Reddit post. It went super viral. So I'm going to read a little excerpt from it. A grilled cheese consists of only these following items. Cheese, bread, and spread, usually butter. This entire subreddit, referring to the grilled cheese subreddit, consists of only these following items. Cheese, bread, and spread, usually butter.

This entire subreddit, referring to the grilled cheese subreddit, consists of melts. Let me start out by saying I have nothing against melts, I just hate their association with sandwiches that are not grilled cheeses. Adding cheese to your tuna sandwich, it's a tuna melt. Totally different. Want to add bacon and some pretentious breadcrumbs with spinach? I don't know what the hell you'd call that, but it's not a grilled cheese. Want to personalize your grilled cheese?

Use a mix of different cheeses or use sourdough or french bread as a bland white midwestern male i am honestly the most passionate person when it comes to grilled cheese and mac and cheese all of you foodies stay the hell away from our grilled cheese stop associating your sandwich melts with them that is a i when i initially read this i read this simply as a person complaining that people are adding too many things to grilled cheeses that's becoming melted now especially with the political climate this is a strict identitarian political stance. Yeah, I feel like- I didn't realize he brought his race and class into this.

Yeah, I don't think there needs to be race and class put into this. To me, this is a strict food debate. I think, yeah, this is a strict food debate. You know, it's just what is a grilled cheese? What is a melt? So I think a melt is dependent on the type of meat. If it's, you know, a slice of turkey, you know, some ham, bacon bits. These are accent meats.

I think we should talk about what accent meats are as well and how they do not transform a sacred grilled cheese into a melt. Okay, let's go to your point about accent meats. What do you consider an accent meat? Because I've used the term condiment to refer to a meat condiment before. Condiment. What a lovely concept. Webster's Dictionary, please use this.

Condom meat does sound incredibly gross. Yeah, I feel it sounds like a meat puree. It sounds like a pate. It sounds like a pate, and it also sounds like a prof... Anyways, that's where I went to. No, no. I just heard condom and meat in the same sentence, and I was like, hmm, gross. Wrong grocery store aisle, Josh.

You're thinking of the wrong grocery store aisle. Anyways, you can also grab sliced bread there, which is what we're talking about with grilled cheese. I think a condiment is anything you can find in a deli counter. Okay. So, you know, you got your, like I said, turkey, ham, roast beef. I think also

the quantity matters too, but mostly I don't care about the quantities. It's the meat that's going inside. If I put bacon in a grilled cheese, it is not a bacon melt. I agree with that. You and I are on the same page on that one. Okay. Turkey, you know, if I put maybe like 14 slices of turkey with cheese, maybe, but if it's just like one turkey slice, it does not constitute a melt for me. I think I agree with you on that, but where we differ in this is that I think the idea of a condom meat or an accent meat, like a protein that isn't the star of the show, right? Yeah, yeah. That is too

nebulous of a concept because like you said, sliced turkey, turkey to me can be either a condom meat or a main protein meat. I think this needs to come down to weights and measures. I think this is a strict scientific observable principle that once something gets to 82 percent or above

non-cheese and bread weight where'd you come up with 82 82 it's intuitive you know you just think about a grilled cheese because obviously i think you need to be able to add things like bacon prosciutto things that can accent it especially if you think of certain cheeses that have other ingredients mixed into them you're telling me you put pepper jack in a grilled cheese, it's no longer a grilled cheese because there's specks of pepper in it? Well, according to the Lewis Black dramatic reading, it is. It's still considered a grilled cheese if there's different types of cheese in there. Okay, but if you're adding like, say,

there's cheese that has like bacon studded throughout it, right? Yeah, sure. There's like pesto cheese you can get from Trader Joe's. Exactly, that's another good example. Yeah, I mean, I think it depends on the intention of the chef or the five-year-old. But hear me out, according to this mad person's logic, if you took, say, cheddar cheese and a little bit of pesto,

he'd be mad that you foodies are coming for his grilled cheeses. He said spread. But I think he means spread to griddle it because he even kind of craps on, you know, pretentious breadcrumbs and spinach and stuff like that. I guess that could be a main thing. But I feel like if you added pesto, because he says if said he even kind of craps on you know pretentious breadcrumbs and spinach and stuff like that i guess that could be a main thing but i feel like if you added pesto because he says if you want to experiment use different cheeses use different breads he also says i think pesto could be could be in that sentence but maybe that's just because i'm just

a pretentious i'm taking a very literalist originalist i guess like you're a living constitutionalist when it comes to this document here i think so what is that's crazy never been called back living constitution is the people who think that the constitution is like a living document that's constantly like being re sort of updated yes i believe in that 100 no no strict originalist no quartering soldiers i don't know what search and seizures are but i want none of them i don't think the prohibition ever should have been repealed oh my god i think alcohol is a sin actually this is funny for me. Let's start bootlegging, Josh.

I am the biggest office curmudgeon when it comes to office birthday parties. Oh my gosh, you're such a negative Nancy. Negative Nancy. On my 26th birthday here, which was my first birthday that I celebrated with Mythical a couple years ago, Caitlin, who was running office management at the time, asked me what I wanted for my birthday. And most people would be like, oh, I want cupcakes and red wine because that's what I like to drink. And I said, I wanted Welch's grape juice and I wanted no food. And I wanted a sign that said alcohol is sin. And Caitlin made it. And so everyone showed up and we all had wine glasses

full of Welch's grape juice. And I told everybody that alcohol is sin. Shut up. For no one that's listening, I drink a lot, like very often. It's utterly jokes. How did everyone feel? I wasn't here on your 26th birthday. You don't care. I didn't take a poll of people's thoughts afterwards. People seemed happy. Oh, okay.

I just hate having like one drink in the office. It's like 4 p.m. I still have work to do. And it's like, oh, let's drink a lukewarm Miller High Life. Do you remember one time there was a moon bounce at work? Yeah. Okay, I drank straight like seven Negronis and i had to take it yeah i was gonna say we walked out that was during the was that the pig no it was just like a summer party for smosh mythical yeah it was the smosh mythical mixer and they're like you know had actual bartenders

outside making real drinks but you know nicole and i work at a kitchen so we're like there's gonna be a line for the drinks let's make our. And so we walk out with like pint deli cups filled with Negroni. Oh my gosh. A very stiff cocktail. Very, very stiff. But my theory is if you have a big gulp of a strong cocktail, you don't need to drink anything for the rest of the day. Like you just walk around with that and nurse it the entire party.

All I remember is taking a nap in the moon bounce. Yeah. I ended up at like a weird punk show in Silver Lake. I saw The Last Living Ramon that night. Oh, that's cool. That's actually really cool. But let's talk about grilled cheese. Let's talk about the grilled cheese. I kept trying to lift a guy up and I dislocated my shoulder. I was in a mosh pit with a bunch of Latino teens

and old white guys. Oh my gosh. Is that why you have tendinitis in your elbow? Probably. I was moshing hard. Dude, I'm so sorry. Anyways, the point being, I think we need to take a strict scientific definition and it all has to do with weight. Okay. So turkey is a good example that you brought up, right? Because I feel that if you put one slice of turkey in a grilled cheese, to me, that's still a turkey grilled cheese. Sure. But if you put 15 slices of turkey in there, no, that's a turkey sandwich with hot cheese on it. A hundred percent. And so for me, there just has to be a strict weight definition. So once that turkey eclipses 18% total sandwich weight. And these are things that if you're making this at home and you want to know what sandwich you're eating, you need to break out the baking scale.

I was going to tell you, every American has a constitutional right to a kitchen scale. Agreed. That is actually a thing. Everyone should have a kitchen scale. I think it's very important for people to start adapting that. But I think if you get pulled over and you have a kitchen scale in your trunk, can't you be charged with intent to. Distribute? That happened to a friend who was in in culinary school he was in pastry school and he had like a you know down to the half gram i have those two scale yeah and the cop searched his car and he had that and they were like you're selling marijuana and he was like no

i'm making croissant you also can't put your knife kit in your front seat yeah you need to put it in the back this happened to me before really yeah i got pulled over with your knife kit in your front seat. Yeah. You need to put it in the back. This happened to me before. Really? Yeah, I got pulled over with my knife kit in the front, and they were like, what was that? What was in there? And I'm like, knives. I'm a chef.

But yeah, I do think scales are very important, though. And I think Americans, and just people in general, should adapt using them more significantly. Yeah, like all formal recipe writing should be done. And we don't do any of this. We're just like, ah, put a quarter cup. No, we kind of do. We try. Don't discredit yourself like that, Josh. No, we write good recipes that work, but I'm saying like, if you want to be accurate, like measuring

flour is impossible because it can be packed, it can be rounded on a scoop. There's so many different methods to measure flour. But how are you measuring the ham in your cheese sandwich, Josh? Oh, I just drape the ham on my tongue. Yeah. So the tongue is the most sensitive muscle in the body, right?

Uh-huh, yeah. So your tongue can actually weigh the ham. So that's why if you see me in the office and I just got ham draped on my tongue, singing Goodbye Horses. What is Goodbye Horses? Is that the song from Silence of the Lambs? Or is that All the Pretty Horses? I don't know.

I was trying to make a Buffalo Bill joke. Ryan, can you please help me? Oh, Sister Golden Hair Surprise is the song. Golden Hair. Okay. Anyways, the idea of a condiment. Where do you draw the line on condiment? Because for me, pastrami is a perfect example.

I was going to say pastrami or corned beef is kind of where it starts to go into more like meal territory for me. I've never had just like, I don't eat just a plate of corned beef, you know. But I do think. It is goodbye. It is goodbye horses. Thanks Ryan. You're the best. I tuck it all back and I sing goodbye horses. Tuck it all back. While measuring ham on my tongue. Tongue out.

Tuck it in. Goodbye horses. Is this a grilled cheese? This is a grilled cheese. It puts the ham on the scale. It puts the ham on the scale. It puts the ham on the... Let me finish my thought, you pleb. Okay. So pretty much, I think, I draw the line at like corned beef and pastrami because I don't

like, I don't put that on like a dinner plate typically. I still eat it like with two slices of bread. But there's something about the like care and attention that goes into corned beef. Even the deli stuff that you get sliced, that allows the sandwich to change form. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because they're all kind of processed meats. Like a ham, a turkey, even like a roast beef lunch meat.

It's something that's cured. It's very salty. It's different than just putting a whole muscle cut of an animal into a sandwich. Totally. Like if you take venison, like milk-braised venison. Ryan's cousin likes to milk-braise venison. Ryan's cousin likes to milk-braise venison. Yeah, we got into a long milk-braised venison conversation yesterday.

Yeah, weird conversation. If you take a big old hunk of venison and you put it in a grilled cheese, that is a melt. But if you take like a processed venison slice deli situation. Venison and duya. Yeah, no, no. I don't think in duya, like, oh, sausage is a great example. Like crumbling sausage into a grilled cheese does not make it a melt.

But what if it's like a whole bratwurst that's in there? That's a hot dog. That's a cheesy dog. God, we may have to tackle – I don't want to. I was laying in bed the other day, and I got this idea in my mind, another cog in the argument of the hot dog is a sandwich debate, and I got mad. Nicole, it was like 1 in in the morning I know I got mad at all the people

who don't think a hot dog is a sandwich so like if a bratwurst is in a bun that's obviously a sandwich the spicing and coarse grindness of a sausage doesn't mean it's not and I was like laying in bed alone I'm Louis Black a hot dog is a sandwich I was just laying in bed literally irate at this idea I don't feel any type of way as this redditor does about grilled cheese though do you feel because this is a childhood classic that he's obviously mad that quote-unquote foodies god i mean we're putting a lot of ideas on this guy next time we're he's talking about foodies coming in and like ruining this childhood favorite that he's even more of do you have any attachment like that to not only grilled cheese but say like

any food um not i not, I mean, well, Persian food because I'm just a purist and like whenever people are like making like a gormasabzi sushi, like I want to cry. But like grilled cheese, I think it has so many iterations of it and there's so many good iterations of it that it's allowed to be toyed with

and played with. I think the grilled cheese is almost the perfect sandwich to toy with. I can't imagine a is almost the perfect sandwich to toy with. I can't imagine a better sandwich. It's like plain, it's not boring, it's simple. And there's nothing wrong with simple.

I think if you can take simple and do simple well and easily, which what is easier than making a grilled cheese sandwich? And if you can change it and alter it to your ideal meal, there's nothing wrong with that. No, not at all.

Especially something that, you know, there's not, I was trying to at all especially something that you know there's not i was trying to think of a food that i get kind of protective over and this is hamburgers for you no is it do i get protective of hamburgers i feel like you really are particular with your hamburgers i'm pretty particular with my hamburgers and i i have thoughts and opinions but if somebody likes their hamburger different i'm particular about my hamburger preferences but i'm not particular about the way that they are like viewed or acted upon by society but the big thing for me is

honestly tacos which is funny because like obviously you know I don't have a heritage I don't have any skin in that game except for I have a huge love for it and growing up in Southern California especially moving to LA and like meeting all these chefs who are taking all these like you know

really awesome steps in preserving regionality, mixing cooking. And then you get these comments. A comment that I get really fired up on is a hot dog is a taco, not a sandwich. I hate that so much. The tortilla predates leavened bread by thousands of years. This is like a pre-Hispanic, you know, literally like Aztec invention that was almost a miracle of an externalizing corn and turning it into a thing. Erasure of culture. Erasure of culture is what it is. And I i don't that's why the cube rule pisses me off yeah no 100 god we gotta get in the cube rule one day fine ryan just

put it on the schedule put it on the schedule man we gotta do a whole cube rule takedown because it's gonna happen so i've noticed we've been talking a lot about meats yes yeah meat we haven't talked anything about cheeses i think we we should bypass cheeses, and I think we should talk about vegetables. Is there such a thing as a vegetable melt, or is it only for meat? That's why I like my stance on this, because my stance is pure weights and measures. So you can put vegetables in there as long as it does not eclipse that 18% threshold. And I think that's important. So you're trying to tell me that if I put 18%, you said?

18%. That's all you get. 18% by weight of carrots in a grilled cheese. That's a carrot grilled cheese. It's not a carrot melt? No. Once it gets to 19%, then you have a carrot melt. Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. If it's 19. Sorry, you're right, you're right. 18 is okay. 19 is not. Yeah, yeah. So if I put 18% of carrots in a melt, cut on a bias with the little knife that I like.

Oh, the squiggly knife? Yeah, the squiggly knife. With the curled edges? Yeah, yeah. The squiggly knife. If I put 18% of that, it's a carrot grilled cheese. If I put 19%, it's a carrot melt? Correct.

And I see what you're saying. What? I see what you're saying. That is literally two carrot shreds. Tomatoes. Or sorry, one little crinkle cut carrot. Yeah, crinkle cut carrot. It is one single crinkle cut carrot that would separate for me the idea of a grilled cheese and melt. Because I think you get into such nebulous territory

with any of these other arguments of what is an accent meat? What, you know, is pastrami, even though it's only two slices of pastrami, it's still such a dominant flavor. And it's just like, you know, chewy smoked beef, like that is obviously different than say something like a, you know, a little bit of diced up salami or pepperoni to accent it. So I think you can bog yourself down in so many of these discussions about what is a star protein? What is an accent meat? What is a condom meat? And that's why for me, you just need a strict line in the sand that can be verified and measured.

So 19% carrots, that's a carrot melt. 18% carrots. Raw carrot melt is a thing that exists. Yeah, I don't want to eat it. I don't like a raw carrot melt, but it exists. Also, they're making so many crazy vegan meat substitutes now that you can turn those carrots into something. Yeah, but I'm not talking about those. I'm not talking about pseudo meat.

Yeah. It's a good name, pseudo meat. We should make a big- Su-su-pseudo meat. We should make a company- Phil Collins? Yeah, we should- Genesis Phil make a company Phil Collins? yeah Genesis Phil Collins

or solo Phil Collins? I think it's Genesis Su Su Studio right? I don't know Ryan fact check us we can't play that anyways we're gonna get sued by Phil Collins

if this podcast gets sued by Phil Collins that is the best marketing and publicity I agree we could ever ask for but I do think we should start

a fake meat company and we should call it Su Su Su that would definitely get sued no we would buy the rights we're gonna pay a license Phil you and we should call it Sue, Sue, Sue to me. That would definitely get sued. No, we would buy the rights. We're going to pay a license.

Phil, you think we can afford Phil Collins? I think we can afford whatever. Cheese and rice, Nicole. No way. I do. I do.

It's a Phil Collins. Who got, someone got, oh my God, some local honey producer in like Chile. Okay. I believe somewhere

in South America is getting sued by Mel Gibson because they named their honey company Miel Gibson, which is Miel is a Spanish word for honey. It's called Miel Gibson and they are being sued. It's also a very sad story because they were like, you know, out of a job from COVID. Why don't they just change it to Miel G? Because that's not nearly as funny as Miel Gibson. Okay.

Well, you got to make compromises. It's COVID. But there's something about, I think a melt has to contain meat or a meat substitute or else it's just a grilled cheese with vegetables in it. Honestly, I don't, I think, I do think that a melt is meat based or fake meat based. I see what you're saying. That's interesting. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like putting raw carrots,

90% raw carrots in a grilled cheese sandwich, it does not give me the, it's not the expectation of a melt for me. It does not do it for me. It seems like it would even be different if you use something like a portobello, which is commonly used as like a meat substitute. A meat proxy. Proxy meat.

We have pseudo meat. We have proxy meat. We got conda meats. We got Phil Collins. Mel Gibson. We got Phil Collins. Star-studded casting. Sending us cease and desist letters up in here

But no like if you put portabellos in there That has like a meat intentionality Where you're like I want you to Kind of have the experience of meat While still being vegetarian So here's some portabellos So mushrooms are a great place If the carrot is altered in a certain way

I think if it's like you know Sous vide with some cumin seeds And some mustard seeds And it's like a pastrami carrot, which is like something that's happening. My God, I've had that. Yeah, yeah, have you? It's good as hell, dude.

Have you had the lox version of carrots? No. Oh my gosh, really, really delicious. You cure it. Wait, I've seen it. I've seen like beet cured carrot lox. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here for all these fake meats, by the way.

So I think the vegetable needs to be edited in a meat-like way for it to be a melt. Like just putting like raw tomatoes and like freaking alpha sprouts in between two slices of cheese and melting it is not a melt to me. That's still a cheese sandwich or a grilled cheese. I think when you add a meat or a pseudo meat or a sub-stim meat, that's when – so many names. Gosh, we're so punny today. I love it. I love it it i love us i think whenever you're perfect

maggie saved me from this madness um she shakes her head no she literally popped out behind the door to shake her head no i i do think the editing of the vegetable into something meat like makes it a melt but I think the raw like you know how people put raw to like a BLT I like how you use

we've often said like if you really need to curse if it's gonna be hilarious if it is gonna hit the best joke ever like try to avoid it but if you really need to curse if it's gonna be hilarious if it is gonna hit the best joke ever like try to avoid it but if you gotta say the f word like very rarely you get one right it says you get one and nicole used it on blt out of nowhere and now we've both wasted it do we both get one or is it just one per i think it's one per if. If you use it on f***ing BLT. Sorry. You ever had a BLT that has

an edited tomato? I hate that. You know when they take like sun-dried tomato BLT? Shut up! Oh. I hate that.

Wait. Purity. Hold on. What? You may have just brought up an entirely different point because I was thinking foods that I'm protective over

and like tacos come up because I think there's just a lot of misinformation about them. Are you protective about blts like super oh my gosh tell me why no oh man i am no i'm the same as this grilled cheese guy on reddit that i don't like why i just i think that bacon oh gosh sorry this is a huge moment where i'm realizing that everything i've ever said i'm a complete fraud because I think once you take bacon, to me, the perfect sandwich is bread, very lightly toasted, mayonnaise, maybe salt and pepper, lettuce, tomato, bacon. And that is absolutely it. I think even avocado, avocado

is one of my favorite foods in the world. Even when you add that to a BLT, I think it takes away from it. I think it takes away from the perfect symphony of juicy umami, tomatoes, salty, crispy bacon, cool iceberg, a little bit of salty creamy mayonnaise and soft bread. Wow. I think once you add anything to that, you add an egg to that. Even when people are doing like, we made pork belly BLT. I'm like, bro, that's less flavorful bacon. Yeah.

You've just ruined the damn thing. Sure. Wow. This is like really something I feel passionate about. But I don't know if I would say that it's no longer a BLT, but oh my God, maybe I do. Okay. Look at me. What if I give you-

Well, it's an acronym. You can't add more things to the acronym. Josh, Josh, Ezekiel bread. Already off to a bad start. Terrible. Ezekiel bread. Mayo chup. Love me some mayo chup. Let me finish. Sun-dried tomatoes.

Arugula. Bacon that's like with rosemary and fricking like garlic powder. And I put that in front of you and I say, enjoy your BLT. How you gonna feel? I would, I have never verbally assaulted

like a server at a restaurant. I've sent one dish back in my entire life. What was it? It was very sandy clams that I was just like, someone needs to know that the dude with the clams ain't washing them.

That's good. That's a good reason to give your food. I would have a full-on meltdown here. If you just promised me a BLT and then you brought me that complete nonsense, I would go on Yelp.

I would try and find who the property owner of the restaurant is. I would try and make up rumors to get them evicted. That's not true. But I would be very, very disappointed because something I was expecting was not served to me and something that I feel made the product infinitely worse. Whereas this person obviously feels that adding anything to the simple perfection of grilled, of hot bread and cheese is completely ruining it. That's the same way I feel about BLTs.

Well, there you go. So Josh, tell us where you stand. Let's find a final, let's say our final statements and tell me how you feel. What constitutes a melt? Well, a melt. When does a grilled cheese become a melt? Tell me.

A grilled cheese becomes a melt as soon as, you know, ah, I think because, like, pesto. But that's still got to be a grilled cheese, right? But if someone added, like, you know what? If someone added, I'm strictly going to flip this. Okay. And I'm going to use my BLT logic on this. Okay, go for it.

If someone altered the condiment on a BLT. Okay. Right? They left the bones of lettuce, not even, it can't be arugula. It's got to be an actual lettuce. It's got to on a BLT. Okay. Right? They left the bones of lettuce. It can't be arugula. It's got to be an actual lettuce. It's got to be a crisp lettuce, tomato, bacon. If someone puts on a pesto mayo or obviously some sort of spicy aioli, I think that is a fun little twist.

I think we need, even for the things that we protect and love the most, we need to allow flexibility for them to be slightly manipulated to increase know increase their interest level and enjoyability and enjoyability it's enjoyable pesto mayo is utterly delicious but now you add like another meat to that i'm out yeah so to me gosh on a grilled cheese you had any sort of meat any sort of vegetable that your teeth has to crunch through it's no longer a grilled cheese i don't know if it's a melt oh my god oh this guy even says I don't know what it is anymore. Did I write this? Is this memento? This is memento.

I just blacked out and wrote this. And now I'm like Leonardo DiCaprio-ing myself from the end of Shutter Island. I love Shutter Island. Once your teeth have to crunch through anything else on a grilled cheese, other than bread and cheese, you're done. No longer a grilled cheese.

Don't know if it's a melt. Don't know what it is. Don't care, not a grilled cheese. What do you think? Do you have any other statements? I think you said it enough for the two of us. All right, Nicole, we've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse. It's time for a segment we call Opinions Are Like Casseroles. I did not expect myself to get there.

I'm proud of you. At all. I think we're learning a lot about each other and our real deep inner thoughts here. Not really. No, we still remain pretty closed off emotionally to each other. 100%. One day we'll open up.

Nope. Okay. So user at JDMaxima89, corn has a place on pizza, childhood comfort meal called sloppy Joe pizza for some reason. Ground beef, barbecue sauce, frozen corn mixed together on pre-made pizza crust topped with taco season shredded cheese. This is absolutely something that I would have grown up on. I remember making something very similar when I was a kid. When I found out Trader Joe's had like pre-made pizza dough, they just roll out on top of stuff. Sure. I made this like barbecue cheeseburger pizza and I put frozen corn. This is incredible. Corn on pizza is great. Corn and cheese are a great combo.

Agreed. We don't, for how much corn America grows, we are like slightly weirded out by putting corn on everything, which is strange because corn on everything is delicious. It is. It's like a delicious, sweet pop. Sweet vegetal pop. Yeah, you get the little crunchy, little fresh, little sweet, little starchy. Big fan. But yeah, you put it on ice cream, like in the Philippines. Oh yeah. Maiz con yellow. Maiz con yellow. That's absolutely delicious. In Brazil they put it on pizza and burgers.

We need to start putting corn on more things. I'm with you. More corn on things. More corn! Okay. At DOS underscore links. Cracked black pepper and olive oil triscuits scooping cottage cheese with a ton of your favorite seasonings is my go-to snack. Did my mom write this? Shala. Shala, did you write this, you silly goose?

You could just tell me that, girl. Why don't you talk to your daughter? Shala, you don't have to say your name is Brian James. You crazy. Yeah, this is a very mom snack. It's such a mom snack. This is a mom on a diet. Honey, I bought a dress and it's a four and I'm a size six.

We got to, you know, tighten that up. That's literally what this snack is. I'm just going to have two, just two Triscuits. Yeah. A whole box of Triscuits later. I'm going to eat that whole box in bed later. Okay, yeah. This is a mom snack.

It's good. It's just a mom snack. I don't love Triscuits that much, but for some reason, the cracked black pepper and olive oil flavor, I think it's relatively new mom snack i i don't love triscuits that much but for some reason the cracked black pepper and olive oil flavor i think it's relatively new it came out maybe i mean relatively new for me like 10 years ago it's really good it's so freaking good i don't know why i don't like any comparable snacks like that except for the cracked black pepper and olive oil triscuits love some savory cottage cheese big into that all right at ashley cyber peanut butter belongs in meatloaf. It gives it a savory flavor and helps with binding. No.

Belongs is a strong word. Can you put peanut butter in meatloaf? Sure. I've never done it, which is crazy because I've put peanut butter in lots of savory foods. Almost everything. I don't know what they mean by it gives it a savory flavor because, to me, beef is a pretty savory flavor. Yeah, I think they might be like uh confusing like nutty with savory which happens sometimes but like i i don't eat a lot of meatloaf i need to know more i need to

know more ashley's ashley cyber reach out tell me what other ingredients go into this meatloaf because like if you're putting like say peanut butter like ginger scallion fish sauce a little bit of sugar you know kind of play with that thai flavor profile there's a lot of really delicious i had a feeling you were gonna like put some fish sauce in there and peanut butter and fish sauce a heck of a combo um i can see that but i need i need to know more reach out okay christy does things christy wade says frying bread and garlic butter on the stove makes better garlic bread than any recipe involving an oven for the lazy chef yes if you're lazy which chrissy i think you're lazy and there's that's not wow that's not a people equate laziness with like negativity being lazy is totally fine um just

be lazy sometimes not all the time you know what i'm saying like lazy acceptance movement i am lazy aff like i i am like snorlax like i am the that pokemon like i'm lazy as hell so this sounds fantastic but have you ever had the garlic bread that like you like put butter and then you take the garlic and then the dried parsley and then you roll it up in the foil then you put it in the oven like that's good stuff man wait like homemade or the stuff that they sell no homemade okay homemade i i grew up buying to me the best garlic bread is almost like the worst garlic bread it's a weird venn diagram yeah i think i know which one you're talking about is it the one that comes in like an insulated yeah it comes in like a foil pouch that you buy in the bakery section at major grocery stores and And they sell this like yellow spread thing.

That's mostly margarine. That is the best garlic bread to me. And I love toasting bread on the stove. If I'm making a single piece of toaster breakfast, I just, while my eggs are cooking, I just throw another pan on. Cause like,

I don't know. I don't have a toaster at home. I don't want to heat up the oven, you know? So I absolutely love toasting bread on the stove top. But for me, the best garlic bread is yeah. Just this like yellow past, gets steamed in the bag, almost not even crunchy. Yeah.

Yeah. Man, garlic bread. Also, you are lazy. So lazy. Because you're like one of the hardest working people that I know. Yeah. And you have such an incredible like work ethic and drive. But then like on the weekend, you'll just be like, yeah, I woke up at 2 p.m.

And I just watched TikTok for eight hours. Yeah. And now I'm at work. I'm a stone cold chiller. Stone cold chiller. I really am. I just watched TikTok for eight hours and now I'm at work. I'm a stone-cold chiller. Stone-cold chiller, dude. I respect that about you. I really am. At Matthew V256, I don't know if it was because I was starving, but I just put a chocolate chip cookie on a spicy Chick-fil-A sandwich with no pickles. Life-changing. No pickles, Nicole. No, still no pickles. No pickles, sub-chocolate chip cookies. I feel like you was just hungry.

Were there any performance enhancing drugs involved in creating that hunger? Because that's my first question. This is weird. I just think you tried to like, you know, you tried to have your dinner with your dessert. And like, it's good in theory, but like in actual practice, it's kind of gross. I'm trying to think if I've had any of those kind of very internet-y shock foods that have actually been genuinely good. Like little funny things. People like making sliders and putting them between Oreos.

No, I don't like that stuff. It tastes like throw-up. Sweet plus savory sometimes tastes like throw-up. But we've also decided that throw-up does not always taste bad. Yeah. What's wrong with us? What do you mean? No, no. Nicole, we are the Vox Populi. We are the voice of the people

these are thoughts that everyone has right we're not weird you guys all think i feel so weird have you ever thrown up yogurt i have thrown up yogurt land within 15 minutes of eating it it was there what i took you to you yeah no i didn't throw it i threw it up later i didn't throw it up this is a different time you weren't with me when you threw up but yeah we did something where you ate a lot this was after I chugged the gravy. This was after I did the gravy chugging challenge. But no, this was after I ate a six-pound burrito back when I was 18. The Manuel Special from El Tepeyac in Boyle Heights, or maybe it's East LA, right next to Cal State LA.

I ate a six-pound burrito in under 10 minutes. Did you get an award? They gave me a t-shirt maybe or something. Anyways, the point is, it was for pride. And then I went and I really wanted dessert because you've got a savory stomach and a sweet stomach right yeah and so i went to yogurt land i got a full pound of yogurt because i really like to mix flavors yogurt yogurt so i got my like pistachio and i got my my taro oh my gosh taro taro yogurt land is fire taro new y York cheesecake pistachio is my trifecta. God, we're so insane.

Yeah, anyways, then I just like threw it up like 15 minutes later. But it was really great because it was a spicy burrito, right? Braised pork, really fantastic. And the cool, sweet yogurt land provided like this lubricant of coating on my throat. And I have never been more grateful in my life. So what are we talking about chocolate chip cookies on chick-fil-a oh yeah gross oh that was great i can only imagine 18 year old you because it was like three of you right now yeah i was i was a big kid yeah uh lady

of the loot jillian henderson says josh do you want my cats? They need a new home. And I'll go on vacation to bring them to you. We all win. Also, pickled grapes on fish is delicious. Revelin's requirement met. Number one, I'm not Josh. You'll have to ask him later. He probably doesn't want any cats right now because he has, like, attachment issues right now. And, like, he just needs to, like, be alone.

Yeah, yeah, working through some things. Yeah. Number three, pickled grapes on fish. Hell yeah. That sounds delicious. So artisanal. Look at you, Jillian. You're amazing.

Yeah. This is a two part question. So I'm gonna go ahead and address the easier part first. Pickled grapes on fish. Wow. That sounds lovely. Shout out the first person I saw to do that combo. Dude named Joe Moeller.

Was it for the grapes commercial? Was it a commercial about grapes no we were we were doing this really weird thing where like this production company that was piloting out cooking competition concepts would like hit up this little crew of people um and and we would like go compete against each other and shoot a full show that would never go to air they'd give us like you know 200 bucks to do it and i was in college so that was like the most money i never made in the day so fun it was so fun and joe moeller is a dude who i ended up running into him at the ihop sponsored ihob burger event sure because he like throws big events for for corporations but

yeah first time i ever saw pickled grapes on fish was when he made this like scallop ceviche with pickled grapes for one of these cooking competitions how interesting yeah and i made beer bad at scallop talker shout out to joe moeller he's a good dude uh about the cats nicole mentioned some attachment issues i don't think i have attachment issues right now so much Yeah, and I made beer about it at Scallop Talker. Shout out to Joe Moly. He's a good dude. About the cats. Nicole mentioned some attachment issues. I don't think I have attachment issues right now so much as-

Issues isn't the right word. Attachment complications. Okay, sorry. I didn't want to say issues. I just, nothing else came into my brain. No, I think I'm just wondering if I have the bandwidth

in my life. That's what I meant. I've got a lot of things going on. Why did I say that? No, it's not, you know, we've talked. It's, you know, there's some things going on. But, you know, I mean, I've got a lot of things going on. Why did I say that? No, it's not, you know, we've talked. There's some things going on.

But, you know, I'm in a very happy relationship right now, you know, but she has a cat and I love that cat, but right now I don't know if I can be responsible for a living soul. Yeah, that's what I meant. I didn't mean attachment issues. I meant he can't keep things alive. Yeah, correct, correct. I'm so sorry. I will accidentally kill that cat and I can't have that on my conscience.

Okay. All right. At Archasic, I always hated cauliflower because my mom made it by steaming a whole head of it with mayo, then mustard, then ketchup, then finally slices of American cheese and put in the oven. Now I love it just oiled and roasted. I'm so sorry. it just oiled and roasted uh i'm so sorry link either red or link we're talking recently about how their mom used to just like mix mayo and mustard and put that on cauliflower this must have been a thing that was going around in like you know southern living magazine or something back in like the 80s that was a whole thing i used to just eat steamed cauliflower with a single

piece of american cheese draped over the largest florette and it would kind of kind of droop and sweat this is how white people cook this is so weird yeah we don't know how to make them taste good so we put cheese and cauliflower oh yeah like i understand broccoli and cheese but like cauliflower and cheese is weird yeah it's a little bit worse yeah sounds really bad uh this sounds really sad to me like putting three condiments and then putting it in the oven that just sounds wrong this is like wrong if there's three condiments that should all go on a burger i don't know if they should also go on like a whole head of no and then roasting it afterwards that's that's screwed up like this is i'm trying to think of

like broil mayonnaise like dynamite like scallop dynamite style yeah but like that's different she's not yeah yeah you're right your mom was not blanching the cauliflower and you know shocking it in ice in an ice bath with a like you know this just bad i don't like do you have any foods like that though that you grew up eating a terrible preparation of and you hated but now you don't hate no my mom's a great cook yeah i'm so jealous i I thought I hated steak for the first like 15 years of my life. Because I grew up eating London Royal. That was just like thrown in an oven at like 400 degrees for 40 minutes. So it was perfectly well done.

No, no. Salmon, I thought I hated. Because my grandma would just take like frozen salmon out of the freezer and like pop it in the oven. I'm really lucky. My dad is very good at cooking eggs and fish like he is a fantastic eggs potatoes and fish are my dad's specialties and he can make them perfectly every single time like he's a really good cook find a couple things and do them well and then my mom is like she has like a lexicon of persian dishes that she can make but like one time she oh one time she made stir fry

and i'm like mom this is wrong why are time she, oh, one time she made stir fry and I'm like, mom, this is wrong. Why are you putting pomegranate syrup in the stir fry? It was weird. That sounds good. It was weird. No, no, no, no, no. She did it wrong. And like everything was like wilted and weird.

So I guess that's an example. When my Persian mom tries to make stir fry, that's weird. That makes sense. My dad made good salmon cakes. That's good. You know, out of a can, but it was still pretty good. That's good. Ben J. Brand says,

I firmly believe that salads should be considered a finger food. A fork can't handle croutons, lettuce, cherry tomatoes, or anything else in a salad, for that matter. And it's not like it would be messy as ribs or even nachos. Do you know what dressing is, sir? Ma'am? Whatever?

No, don't put this on. You're putting your own opinions on to Ben. He's obviously dipping these things in the dressing oh oh that's what i'm inferring oh oh i'm inferring here oh you're taking but even if the dressing's on it pinching it putting it in he added he said ribs and nachos those are both the heavily dressed foods that eat with your fingers yeah but salad's different because it's healthy for you. I think that is part of it. It's a class divide. For sure.

Honestly, that's it. This is a class divide. This is a classist issue. This is a political issue. Yeah, this is a political issue. No, I fully believe that salad should be finger food. And if we look to Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar, as we often do, there's a scene where a male poet

is eating Caesar salad with his hands, but he's doing it so confidently that no one dares question him on it. Right. Which is, you know. I do remember that part. Yeah, it's really great. And like when I read that, I suppose you should have been pondering like, you know, how much space men and their, you know, silly needs take up in society. And, you know, how no one called him on it because it's probably a gender issue.

But I read that and said like, damn, you should be eating salads with your hands. That sounds great. You ever seen Seinfeld when they take the candy bar and they cut it with a fork and knife? No, I've never seen an episode of Seinfeld. What? That just never happened to me. You've never seen an episode of Seinfeld?

Shut up. Shockingly. You're crazy, man. You're missing out big time. All right, we got at Frantabulous. Grew up eating things like popcorn with milk, peas and milk, cabbage and milk, et cetera. Context, Northern New York dairy country

stemmed from my grandma and great-grandma. Depression era food? Delicious and people think I'm crazy. Thoughts? Huh. I grew up drinking Pepsi mixed with milk and I don't know what that was about because we weren't near a dairy farm.

You mean, you mean pilk? Pilk,k yeah you didn't grow up on pilk oh slam pepsi uh what do you put milk on popcorn i guess if you you gotta sell the milk, if you gotta sell the milk, you tell people to put it on the cabbage. And I get it. Look, if you love it, then I love it. I think that's great. I remember reading The Boxcar Children growing up. What is that?

It's actually probably a really depressing book series if you look at it. The Boxcar Children? It was a fun series of child novels where it was a bunch of kids who I believe were orphaned. And they were all brother and sister. And they lived in a boxcar. And society wasn't really helping them.

They weren't getting any sort of social. What's a boxcar? Like a train. Like a gutted train. Oh, like a home. Yeah. They were a bunch of homeless children who went around like solving little mysteries while not getting any support from the state or society at large.

So looking back back it was a really weird social commentary but as a kid i was like yeah i want to live in a box car too anyways their favorite meal which is more depressing was bread and milk i knew it i knew it i knew it i could have told you that i tried i was like old bread milk that sounds great and i tried pouring like, old bread and milk, that sounds great. And I tried pouring milk on bread, and I ate it, and I gagged when I was a kid because I didn't understand what texture that would create. And so, I don't know.

I do love milk, though. Look, Frantabulous, if you're loving these combos, you're loving these combos. Sell the milk. Sell the milk, and that's what I'm going to say about that. Beardy Jones, I made a bet with my wife today i need your input why do people always do this do you think that on any given day taco bell sells more tacos than all other fast food taco places combined no not combined i do think they sell the most but i don't think combined i think del taco does pretty good numbers well there's a del taco

for like every region every region has its own like secondary taco chain and a lot of them look really dank like i've never been to taco john's or taco time or like taco tio what are these places taco john's i think started in either new mexico no no none of them are owned by taco bell they're literally every single region has a version of del taco where someone that saw that like Taco Bell has the hegemony on the market and we can swoop in and find the gaps where they're not. Interesting. So like fish. Yeah, exactly. And that's why like Del Taco does their like shrimp tacos and like they'll make both tacos that are cheaper and crappier than Taco Bell to hit him on the like 39 cent taco night. But then they'll also have like a $5 like steak and shrimp burrito that Taco Bell can't do and so every region has these you know different things that are like we you know

we started doing breakfast before taco bell to try and swoop in on the margins so i think there's enough competitors regionally where taco bell does not sell more but i'd be interested to see those numbers i'm a big taco statistician that's very interesting i still don't think they sell more than like places combined though but like i do think they're pretty close. Yeah, yeah. And on that note, thank you for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We got new episodes for you every Wednesday. If you want to be featured on Opinions Are Like Casseroles, you can

hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or Enhandizadeh with the hashtag OpinionCasserole. And for more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube. We launch videos every week. And of course, if you want to share pics of your dishes, hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen. We'll see you next time. Go make a grilled cheese. Go make a BLT.

Ugh, yum! Better.