A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 257 - tuttifrutti or smelly sock

Episode Date: September 23, 2021

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 257 - tuttifrutti or smelly sock || The boys discuss resisting Asian hate, holding your buddies ball back, playing truth or bean, the cancelled CFB segment, NYC, ASMR, & much moreYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. Today's episode of A New Untold Story is brought to you by all dry toilet papers kyle you use dry toilet dudes it's time to have a serious chat about your bathroom habits it's time to start to stop using a product that humanity has unanimously sworn by for centuries and start using wet ass wipes that make your rectum leak after you pull up your slacks imagine a girl coming over to your house and she goes in she

thinks you're a good guy you respect her and she goes in to take a pee and she only sees heavily gendered wet wipes wet wipes what what are these what are these cishet wipes doing in here i don't want this this this this het wipe in my pussy yeah where's your dry i want to when i'm done pooping i want to still feel like i'm leaking you know what i'm saying i know i want to feel like i have ulcerative colitis that That's right. And rectal bleeding. I want to feel like I just had a hemorrhoid lanced. I want to keep dripping the circumference of my ass to be sopping wet. That's right. And it comes in mint chill.

If you want to feel like you just did a Rumpelmintz enema. A Rumpelmintz enema. That's a product. And the magic of that is you're still covered in shit. enema. A rumpleman's enema. That's a product. And the magic of that is you're still covered in shit. And nothing's cooler than just a little bit of poop. Just a little bit of poop. In your underwear. I'll be that pretty

motherfucker. We'll cut that. No, we can't cut that. Because I responded too quickly. It'll sound jarring. We have to keep that line in the podcast. What was that? ASAP Rocky said it. And then sophomores at

SUNY Binghamton were like, that was low-key hard. It's desirable to be a pretty motherfucker. He had everyone on that wave. Changing their names to ASAP Braxton. ASAP Braxton. ASAP Cody. During that time, that was like early Trump, right?

That was maybe late Obama. Late Obama? Could have been late Obama. 14, 13? The early Trump era was funny to me because everybody was wearing like those shirts that say resist. Because everybody was wearing like those shirts that say resist. Like the far left were like that was their fighting back was resist. Which is like the pussiest way to like.

Just quit it. Stop. Quit. That's how you resist. That's resist. Like choose a stronger word. You're wearing the shirt that's like yeah. Maybe just stop. Resisting means you put up with it.

But you're just like nah. Like that's what you're fighting back with might as well just say barely tolerate yeah resist so okay so what does that mean oh well go go along with it until his term is done but disagree okay that's that that was there people think the lefts is pussies that's yeah i'm not right we need we need to gather around we need a strong word they're fighting you know what we're gonna do uh you want to try that again i'm not against the message but but stop Asian hate. Yeah. Like someone who commits violent hate crimes on another race isn't going to see that and be like, oh, I didn't know people weren't okay with it.

I never considered that. But it's better than resist Asian hate, making people think they always have a hankering. You resist a cigarette when you're drunk. Yeah. Resist Asian hate. Yeah. Imagine like putting that in any other... Yeah, good point. Today's episode is actually brought to you by

Amazon Music. Is that some tribal shit? What? Like some pygmy drums? No, not Amazonian music. Yeah. Amazon Music. That's a website. A book website. What? Like some pygmy drums? No, not Amazonian music. Amazon music. That's a website.

Okay. A book website. You wouldn't know. But now they're in the music game. And Amazon music has more than 10 million free podcast episodes to listen to, including ours, which is really fucking wicked. But Amazon music just isn't for listening to podcasts. They have thousands of music stations and top playlists to stream for free. So you could pay for your Spotify or Apple musics or your Pandora's. Guess what?

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Yeah. You can go ahead and skip around your music choice channels on, on demand, but I recommend Amazon music and you can go ahead and skip around your music choice channels on on demand but i recommend amazon music and you can get amazon music unlimited so you can listen to any song anywhere offline with unlimited skips that's what i use i used to listen to all my bands i like that nobody else does no one not a soul they have two streams a month and that's for me yeah and you make fun of my taste i do it's mad heads that fuck with kai go and odeza yeah mad heads because they're going through puberty and they

don't know what's going on with their body okay they have mad black heads and white heads on their face all right that's right you can go get amazon music unlimited now for 30 days free. All you have to do is go to Amazon.com slash ANUS. That's Amazon.com slash ANUS to try Amazon Music Unlimited free for 30 days. Now this does renew automatically. You can cancel anytime and terms apply. Amazon.com slash ANUS.

And yes, we are getting that Jeff Bezos bag. Thank you, Jeff. Thank you, Jeff. You bald fuck. Stop. He's going to pull it. I'm going to break. What?

Sobriety. Are you? I almost did last night. Why? I just was tired of resisting. Oh, I don't think I will. I was like, I want a beer. Oh, I'll resist.

I didn't almost. I almost really broke. Oh, I think I'll resist this time. I was about to go Hemingway on a 30 rack of pudding shots. For real? That sounds delicious. What's going Hemingway? I could have said I almost went

Ulysses S. Grant, but that's a mouthful. Both of you are sober and I'm not. Which is a weird dynamic when we're going out. Because Kyle used to get really fucked up.ed out and I miss I miss it because I was your carer I would make sure you made it home safe I would hold your hair

back when you puked now I don't know what to do I'm just following you into the bathroom out of out of instinct yeah but I'm still I'm holding your balls back when you're pissing I'm get it all out get it all out that's right and I'm pat your balls back when you're pissing. Get it all out. Get it all out.

That's right. I'm holding your balls back and shaking your dick for you. You're getting it all out. Your piss is perfectly clear from all the water. That viral tweet. Girls always do. I'm just hoping that all of my best friends I met in the boys' bathroom while I was holding their ball sack.

I hope they're living their best lives now. Their 21st birthday cake instead of like Barbie's holding back the hair puking. It's like it's just two cans jerking each other. They're just hold each other's balls back. All right, buddy, you'll be all right. Get it all out.

And you always have one more gust. always have one now I know you good you good well I look out there piss and rally so why did you want to drink last night I did Adderall a lot of it a lot of adderall yeah why the fuck do girls like to tell you what they were going to be named like i was going to be named kristin oh they do they fucking love that i don't know how to respond i i just happened to me it's just like that's an interesting topic yeah oh my dad wanted to name me stephanie yeah it's always just like another very another really something like way out there and they're looking for like a oh thank god he didn't well Oh, my dad wanted to name me Stephanie. Yeah, it's always just like another very common. It's another really common. If it was something like way out there.

And they're looking for like a, oh, thank God he didn't. Well, no, it's just as, it pisses me off. Yeah. I love the idea of like an extremely picky alcoholic who's only addicted to pudding shots. Instead of like sneaking a flask into work, he brings like a whole grocery bag of like sneaking a flask into work he brings like a whole grocery bag of like disposable cups cool whip liqueur he gets pulled over in a bunch of licks come out i had something similar not me i was at a bar we were playing pool and this guy he had a scarface t-shirt

and the t-shirt was covering flames whatever I'm trying to paint the picture yeah but he gives me a $20 bill and he's like can you go get me a drink they don't serve me here and I was like like the bar he's like any of the bars in this town so I went like Middle Eastern or something

why don't they serve him I think he was an alcoholic. Oh. But his drink was a tequila sunrise. Yeah, that's like 30% grenadine. That's like one of the most tedious addictions. Yeah. Get all the supplies.

Dude that only does jello shots. Like the pudding shot guy. He looks like Augustus Gloop. He can't even consume them straight he has to lick them off of one of those like pirouette cookies yeah that's how he gets drunk and he has his tolerance is so high yeah dude i love uh every we got kicked out he oh yeah cursed out the bartenders did he sunrise yeah i mean it's a tedious drink to make. It's a pain in the ass. Every subreddit that's of a drug substance or an addiction is the best. Yeah.

Because these people don't... I don't know how they have internet access. It's unbelievable. The crippling alcoholism one, I go to that to feel better. It's a subreddit specifically for crippling? For crippling out, and they are crippling. How so? The guy's like, I'm completely completely broke nowhere to live no i can't

buy booze so i've just been like mixing um hairspray with monster ultras does hairspray i guess it has like a like a fuck ton of alcohol really yeah that's just spraying a bunch of hairspray oh my god yeah that is the meth one we've talked and we may have talked yeah we did it's awesome it's just meth thoughts like doing thirst traps while they like smoke meth and what but what one one girl one girl is like super skinny no that's the thing they're fat which makes no sense that is shocking yeah the upkeep i had a a, uh, I was thinking, uh, like this past weekend and I had a realization where for a second, uh,

it's very hip right now, but I believed in like manifestation, like, you know, manifest, like if you put something out into the universe, it'll happen. I know what it is.

Yeah. And I got like super like nervous, like, Oh fuck. Like I've been putting a lot of bad energy out there. I'm fucked. And then I was like putting like things in my head, like, okay. So like i've been putting a lot of bad energy out there i'm fucked and then i was like putting like things in my head like okay so like i thought like if you like said words or you put them out there it would become true um you know like i want a job at barstool

i want that and it would come true and then like people with like names i was like andy dick he's a he's a man and he's a a dickhead and so it's just like i don't know if that's correlated to the name being out there in the universe and then like i was thinking uh martin short isn't tall yeah uh chance crawford probably slept with a lot of women so you're risking that when you have sex with him what the aids wait you're taking it you're taking a chance. Dave Matthews is in the Dave Matthews band. Which is crazy. Princess Di.

I can't believe people were... My mom cried when she died. I was like, Jack Black gets to say it. Yeah, he gets to say it. They named her Princess Di. She married a duke and then she fucking died. And then she's a girl. She's a duke and then she fucking died. And then she's a girl.

She's like, my mom wanted to name me Car Crash. But then I was like, even businesses do that. Clubs, especially, you should name them something upbeat upbeat something fun like you don't want to name it anything dark so i was like you want something to promote life so i was thinking like a nightclub you want to name it like pulse just some thoughts I have. Orlando Brown. Chris Brown.

He would leave a lot of bruises. Yeah. Yeah. Just a lot of people just have names that fit. Now that you guys are sober, I don't know what the fuck we could do for fun. I'm a huge board game guy. I like scattergories. That's not a board game. Yes, it is. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking anything. Cardboard boxes. That's not a board game. Yes, it is.

Yeah, it's not. Anything in a cardboard box is a board game. That's not right. No, because there's no board. You don't move pieces around a board. You don't move pawns. You don't move family. What do you want to play?

I don't fucking know. Drink? There's like drinking-esque type games. Like the things that electrocute you from Spencer Gifts? Yeah. Shock Roulette. Something more extreme. Like Truth or Bean. Is that like the Harry Potter jelly beans?

It isn't. It was a derivative. Based off that. Yeah, so when the Harry Potter jelly beans came out, that was a phenomenon of just like, oh, I'm going to eat the booger flavor. Vomit. Earwax. Yeah. Tutti Frutti or stinky sock that was like yeah and then it came and it was like non-harry potter branded and it was just like yeah you played truth or bean with your name all right bro it's either you tell me something about

yourself or take a chance with a piece of candy yeah you and your boys are just like sitting down around a a big bowl of fruit flavored jelly beans just opening up to each other telling truth all right yeah it's just all you do is say truth it's just like are you gonna eat something gross are you gonna open up to me yeah all right geo you're up i wouldn't eat that tutti frutti i'm just saying there's a chance because it could very well be smelly socks you might as well just take my truth you might as well just open up to me geo um uh all right truth or bean asking that is being geo come on pussy all right truth when's the last time you uh like pussy. Alright, Truth, when's the last time you, uh, like, uh,

fucking cried or whatever? When's the last time you truly wept or something? You asked for it, you didn't take the bean. It's like Morpheus. You take the blue bean, you risk it being toothpaste. Or you

tell me. I guess you just open up to me open up to me honey how was your night with the how's boys night oh it was gay we sat around a bowl of candy yeah didn't touch it didn't even touch didn't we didn't touch that candy i'm not taking a chance. It's kiwi. It's grass. Sometimes I find myself watching the men more than the women in porn. All right.

When was your first boner, Ricardo? I was watching Recess School. Nah, it's too late. You got to answer. Can't eat the bean. Can't eat the bean. I was watching Recess School. What, you fucking got a hard-on from a cartoon bitch?

Was it that Ashley Spinelli hoe? Nah, fuck out of here. It wasn't Spinelli, you fucking pussy. It was Detweiler. TJ Detweiler. Yeah, TJ Detweiler. I don't fucking know. Something about his backwards cap, his big white smile.

I just did it for me. I don't know. Shut up already. And that's the first time I knew. Knew what? Yeah, you know what? Forget about it. Let me just eat this bean

and pray to the Holy Ghost it's tutti frutti and not smelly socks. Those are the only two flavors you know. That might not even be. That's what it should be. It should just be tooty fruity. That's the game.

And they look vastly different. One is orange and like pink speckled and the other one's just gray. And flies are always buzzing around. All right, wish me luck, boys. Dive in. I guess I'll go bean. What's this yellow and red one? I hope it's not smelly

socks. Yeah. And the relief that you get when you get a good tasting treat and you don't have to open up to your boys. It's a win win. You guys thought you got me. You gave me a treat and I get to keep

my secrets. Yo, truth or bean? Truth or fucking bean? There's two options in this game. You either tell me the truth. You either open up to me and tell me your deepest darkest secrets And you take a bean

Listen here pussy I'm either gonna be your personal therapist For the day or I'm gonna Feed you a sweet treat Each option was very feminine Yeah Ew I think I got sock Yeah but it's not actually Just eat the candy

Instead of trick or treat Knock. Yeah, but it's not actually. Just eat the candy. Instead of trick-or-treat, trick-or-treaters will be coming to your door trying to get kids to open up. Trither Bean. Don't do an ad. Yeah. Kyle, knock-knock. Bean. don't do an ad yeah uh kyle knock knock bean knock knock kyle who's there hello hello what hello fresh kyle told me to say that that was on the the copy yeah damn it with hello fresh you get fresh pre-measured... You get paid $120K a year for something.

That's why. That's what you just saw. With HelloFresh, you get fresh pre-measured ingredients, mouth-watering seasonal recipes like Tootie Fruity. Or Smelly Sock. Now, there's no Smelly Sock here. It's all Tootie Fruity. You can skip the trips to the grocery store Or smelly sock. Now, there's no smelly sock here. It's all tutti frutti.

You can skip the trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. Fall is busy for all of us. But HelloFresh recipes save time. You'd otherwise spend meal planning, shopping, and chopping hella fresh family friendly menu is a big win for back to school season with easy delicious recipes and drama free dinners kyle it wants me to share a personal experience but i feel like i've been a little chatty yeah why don't you why don't you give me yours no i've been a little chatty it says both hosts need to talk i got a box on my porch. Yeah. It was filled to the brim with autumn squash soup.

Yeah. Yeah. Loose. Filled me up. Yeah. You've been eating it straight from the box. Do you cook with anybody? No.

Why? No, it's perfect for cooking alone or with a partner. Okay. Go to hellafresh.com slash story14, S-T-O-R-Y-1-4, and use code story14 for up to 14 free meals, including free shipping. It's HelloFresh.com slash story14, 14 free meals, including free shipping. Talk to me, Kyle. Talk to me. Are you bottling something up?

Speaking of which, do we need to bring out a bowl of beans and talk about? Get you to talk? All it takes. You know how I get when I have zero jelly beans. Oh, my God. You were you really overshared last night. How much did you drink? Nothing.

Had zero jelly beans. How many fucking beans did you have? None. You must have had one, two beans last night. You were you were an open book no i didn't have a single bean fuck no wonder what do you what do you think i'm bottling up i don't know have you have you gone through anything like a breakup yes no anything cut from your life maybe not a person maybe a segment uh i don't know what you're talking about yeah i mean you helped write on it oh and you helped yeah so you you were finally dipping your toes not finally but you into uh the sports world i finally broke away from you which yes yeah specifically me over a year, and I finally detached from you.

Got Dr. Ben Carson to come here. Brandon Walker being my Ben Carson. Didn't he split up a Siamese twin? Why would I know that? That's something, see, you accused me of, you researched this, knew the answer, and then asked me some obscure questions. I didn't know he was a brain surgeon. Okay, so you got your own college football segment, which is every boy's dream.

Every boy's dream. Especially breaking into barstool sports. And for the longest time, you were not a part of the sports. I had to hide my sports fandom. And for a guy like me, it's tough. Yeah. Because I'm always wanting to riff over a bowl of sweets. Okay.

And we got one episode. Yeah. Some van talk type shit. And then what? Yeah. Yeah. And if you guys want to go watch that, go on Twitter and click on the broken link. Be redirected to a 404 page, but you can play the T-Rex game on Google.

So that's fun. Well, it was universally liked yeah i think it had around 600 000 views yeah yeah sure yeah it was just a football segment now i do i do understand why i couldn't live in something that was very heavily sponsored yeah would they have chevy trucks it was like a ftx which is like a pretty big like coin yeah wallet and maybe chevy i don't i don't know um it would watch the show anymore uh no and yeah it just got cut but with just no feedback i just found out it's done so so i had a call and it's like film the the second one it was ready to go it was better

than the first yeah done that's done and then the first one is and was ready to go. Yeah, it was better than the first. Yeah. Done. That's done. And then the first one is still in. And the thing is, it was a weekend update style thing. And SNL has a team of high paid writers that spend their entire week doing that. That make millions of dollars. They're the most talented people. Some of the most talented in the world.

And that's just put into my lap that has three days. So that took the entirety of like three days yeah uh yeah but i do understand i don't like that it can't live anywhere else and i don't like that there wasn't any feedback of like why it can't but then i had a phone call it's like yeah but you can still be edgy but like don't talk about uh religion or politics or race or sexuality like if you can keep it within the realm of college football and make it edgy it'll still be edgy without yeah those are the only the only ingredients of edge yeah but then if you can make you can you have completely free reign so it's like all right quarterback spencer rattler really what a snake what a snake he is. He's always lying. He's always lying.

He's a witch. Spencer gifted them the football and everybody's like, oh, Nick's still got that little head. Nick's a little twisted. He brought up a mildly successful mall brick and mortar gift shop. He brought up the stepbrother to Hot Topic.

Blink and you'll miss it. Nick had a real subtle one-liner about spencer rattler yeah you know like you think spencer you think rattler you don't think of the gift shop but he his fucking brain his weird ass brain bridged and no but like uh i think there's like i might just like start blogging the jokes. I don't know. I don't, it's, but that segment's gone. It's all right. I'm not angry. The floor is yours.

Yeah. There you go. What do you get for what you usually have to give me a fucking prompt. Well, you spent a lot of time, right? The second one's done. Yeah. Here you go. Yeah.

You want me to say them? Yeah. Cause there were some that were problematic and I don't want to like, again, I understand why I was cut from the show. Tell one. Yeah. but that's the thing like i can't use some of the jokes anywhere else because it's like the matchup dependent it's like nevada was playing kansas state and it was just like the boys in the desert middle of september getting on a plane and just flying into manhattan and you know it's just like you fill in the in the blank. You fill in the blanks. I can't tell what that joke was about. What are some other, like, the first parts of...

I'm not going to recite it because I'm not going to... Well, that one could be open for interpretation. Yeah? Yeah, that's the thing about me. I'm not going to put it out there on a tee for you. Like, I want you to really dive in. Okay, so guys from the desert, mid September, September.

Okay. Manhattan is where can, and the first thought when you hear Manhattan, it is, it is where Kansas state plays. You don't think of anywhere else. College town, power five,

power five, big 12. Yeah. Yeah. But no, that's a something that happens. And I've, I've rebounded.

How? I'm waiting. I'm figuring out how. But I'm in the process of a rebound. I think you should not put down any pressure on yourself to write them. But if some come to your brain, you say them on the pod. I think I should do that. All right.

Yeah. I'll start doing that. I'll do the same. Don't you leave it to me. Okay. Yeah. Well, we'll give you a segment on the pod too okay what do you like you sobriety yeah that sucks that is your only personality people no people do something back then you used to be my drunk red boy and now i'm still red i got rosacea

no you're not you went to the derma didn't i had no next week well people do something that's purely significant to their lives like go sober have a kid lose a loved one and then they they operate on the assumption that everyone else cares as much as they do and they publish it to the world on a regular basis but if you're aware of that why are you still doing it that's what i'm saying you kind of just have to to feel like there it's not pointless it is like i'll like people go sober then they'll start like accomplishing like menial quasi tasks like running a certain distance or learning how to make beef wellington or a certain amount of steps in a day or they got really into sketching you have been real big on

your steps sketching like crushed up soda cans oh yeah the thing with art is when people you know when people just get into real like really into art out of nowhere and then all of their instagram posts are just their art yeah when it comes to drawing you there's bad good and then there's talented artists if you're just good and that doesn't do anything that's less entertaining than bad if you see if you see like a good drawing you're like yeah that's that's a good i don't understand your talent i don't understand good drawings that's a curse to be an excellent like i can draw and my drawings look exactly like a picture but mine took me 300 hours I appreciate

the extraordinarily good ones that almost resemble photographs but if you're just like good at drawing fuck off but also why not just lie those ones that look exactly like a picture why not just post a picture exactly that's the thing

I drew this for 300 hours if somebody looks at my painstaking drawing and you're like yeah it's a picture what the fuck no like i at least add some style some zest yeah well there's a tiktok guy who's been going viral because his thing is he's on new york city subways and he sketches the person sitting across from him without them knowing. Creepy. And he does it beautifully. It's like a perfect sketch. And they're always touched, aren't they?

And then he films the reaction and then on the text it's like, wait for the reaction, mopey face or sad face. Yeah. And then the people are... And then it's like... Results in part two.

Something like that. But it's like, no, you didn't. No, you didn't. You just can't pull that off like people aren't on the subway long enough for you to expertly sketch them how many times does he start and they get off on the next stop yeah i would notice very so it just can't be true he probably just gets people and tells them beforehand yeah like how long it begs them to stay on for a long time ride the subway with me yes drawing somebody's portrait ask them beforehand. Begs them to stay on for a long time. Can you come ride the subway with me? Drawing somebody's portrait.

He has to ask them beforehand. He brings them along and then they act like... Drawing somebody's portrait without their consent is rape in the art world. Aside from an artist raping you. But second, drawing without consent. Ew, yeah.

Don't you hate it when you get real drunk and you wake up next to a portrait of yourself? Yeah, that's creepy along the lines of the bartender savior. Did I get drawn last night? I was so fucked up. Did somebody draw me? If you're sitting on public transportation and some guy

just takes your picture with a camera, that's creepy. And then drawing is times 100. Because he's staring at the minute details my new details just like hey i couldn't help but to notice that little quiver that you have is everything all right like right girls wake up with like bruises on their shins and you have like the graphite on the sides of my hands like oh no ah what the fuck we should start canceling that guy. Yeah, that is pre-rape. Yeah. Post-crime.

Pre-rape, post-crime. It's a middle. PR PC. Don't fucking draw me. Even if I ask you to, don't. I'm trying to think of the equivalent of a really good drawer that looks like just another craft completely. What? that looks like just another craft completely what like why wouldn't you just be if my drawings ended up looking like an amateur photographer's photos like what a bad photograph yeah

that sucks nobody should want to draw anymore right well i guess if it's like self-fulfilling and it like keeps you distracted actually i think that's fine just don't share it with the world yeah art shouldn't be shared firm believer in that support local art support your local artists no if they were good they wouldn't be local artists yeah support local blank local is just the second they get a chance to get the fuck out of that town. It's a synonym for below average. Below average. They can't. You can't escape Wheeling, West Virginia.

Support your. Yeah. People are always like, who's your favorite local painter? He's an up and coming local rapper. Well, every rapper is from somewhere. Every rapper. So what does local mean in that situation? Yeah.

He's just not good enough to be known anywhere else. Yeah. Local is an insult. I support strictly national, even international business. Yes. The small business week is the least favorite. Well, I hate that week. I only shoplift from mom and pops.

Oh, I love it. Because that's where it matters when you steal from them. The corniest thing was like when Twitter self-proclaimed like twitter celebs with like 10 000 followers would refer to people from their hometown as locals yeah you remember that yeah all the locals are so cringe no you are they're all making fun of you comrade broccoli slut yeah sorry miss broccoli slut you you're cringe one. They're all talking about you. Yeah, they're making fun of you. You live in a world where you think Twitter is the general consensus on every topic.

Oh, fuck. The locals found me. The local Twitter found me. I also fucking hate people who gatekeep New York and are like, stop moving here. Yeah, that's new york it's like the people from hawaii that are like you gotta stop coming to hawaii because if tourism stopped hawaii's fucked yeah but like coming to new york is the same thing they're economic also girls romanticize new york it's like new york has two seasons like bitter cold and stinky yeah and that's like i like new york so do i do but i think i would like anywhere

i live i would isn't there like a theory that like it takes like three weeks to just adjust and be be back at your baseline they use like jargon and like really specific new york like geographic terms to talk to their twitter followers who don't you have to be from new york to understand and that's what they want yeah like my local bodega cat at the people with aids plaza is my spirit animal and then yeah there'll be like two people just be like yeah i feel the same about like mine oh my god this is giving west village girlfriend and east village boyfriend oh my god i'm starting to learn what that means i still don't i still don't understand. Because every couple fits into it because they're just referring to the fact that the girl puts more effort into their outfits. Oh. And that's a West Village girl.

A West Village boyfriend is looking for a boyfriend. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. My boyfriend's giving off West Village vibes. What did he do? He fucked my brother. Okay. he's being

west village today meat packing nyu girl is just white yeah um what are the other ones it's it's a lot of delusion people fucking love speakeasies too which is just inconvenience out the ass there's a speakeasy in the back of a bodega and uh in our area where you can really yeah where you can order things from the bodega and they'll bring them into you so i saw a guy like talking to a girl and he ordered like a bowl of tic tacs and i was just like this is a bar yeah to speak easy in the back of a boat and just get and just like just go to a bar and then just a worse shitting on bars yeah you go to a bar and enjoy it and then you'll see it on tiktok it's like where fuck boys are going where yeah inconvenient fuck boys when i was coming up yeah fuck boys was like the biggest insult you could give a guy. It was almost the equivalent

of pussy, but way worse. A fuckboy? I wasn't in the community. Tell me what it was like in the rap community. That was the harshest diss. You being followed back by Lil Nas X in 2015 was your

adjacency to the rap community? That's you in the rap community yeah um young gravy too so what like what is so fuck boy was like it still is i think it was almost had like an air of homophobia but worse like you you're a fuck boy like i mean put the words together you're a fuck boy yeah and now it's like this cool ass dude who fucks a lot of girls yeah now it's like a man slut it's a man which is like and like girls will use it as an insult and the guys will welcome that because that's that's they're so insecure the girls want to be the girls use it as insults for just guys that they've had sex with it's always guys they've

had sex with and it's like okay yeah i want to with. And it's like, okay, yeah, I want to be that too. How so? He fucked me. Yeah, like, I need to stop sleeping with fuckboys. Fuckboys have the... All fuckboys dress like this, and it's so whack. What is it? They have a picture of a guy with a... I don't know. My favorite tweets are people that make the jokes.

It started out as real. It was a kid that took a picture of a sunset. Yeah. And he's like, I'm not gay, but this view's amazing. And then it's in the drafts for Anus Twitter right now. It says, I'm not gay, but this view's amazing.

And it's a sunset, but there's a laptop on a balcony, and there's two dudes just rubbing dicks and owen owen made it and sent it to me and i was like i don't know if we should tweet this okay well i think the just the explanation will suffice we'll get the job done yeah i'm not gay but this view is amazing just two dudes standing 69ing or it's just like a POV blowjob from a dude. This view is amazing.

Oh yeah. I ain't gay. Yeah. He's just got a dude bent over in front of him. But this fucking view now I'm not gay, but this view can't be beaten. It's the dude bouncing. I mean enjoying views you do feel like

I'm being kind of gay you think so? I remember I was 17 we went to Zion National Park and I was obsessed with the view and I made sure my parents or sister wouldn't catch me gawking yeah that was the mindset if you see something that's breathtaking

you might as well just come out i was in my like fake taylor gang t-shirt it was fake it wasn't like i found a fake one a fake shirt what was it 2d it wasn't like the exact like that whiz that was a bootleg it was a bootleg a fake shirt what is that pants there's also like attractive privilege where you get to get away with doing feminine things and they come off masculine harry styles yeah there's a character in tom hardy or says he said something about really i don't know there's a character in shameless the guy was an interior decorator which is um but he was just like a hunk yeah he's yes cool yeah that's the thing like girls should be like oh his hobby is his hobby won't be hot he'll be hot but like like sketching like she'll see like a guy sketching and it just if he's hot

it's like oh my god we're like painting their fingernails and then like online forum incels like try to do it and they why isn't this working why yeah i tried everything yeah speaking of incels have you seen like uh i'm a fan of not of like speaking i like falling asleep to like sounds of like old library and it's just like creaks and wind gusting and shit or like a bell tower in the distance but like asmr uh autonomous sensor sensory uh meridian response okay fuck you i was like it was fuck you for knowing it and saying fuck you for thinking i wouldn't know it it was fuck you for googling it before this yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm trying to better myself before this but there's there's a it's old it's kind of old I want you each to post your search histories before the pod's recorded. Fuck. Fuck.

Oh, fuck. Everything I say that's like even remotely specific had just been Google. Had just been Google. And everyone's like, how did he know it? What a reference. How did he put those two things together? Pull that out. El Paso?

This guy's wacky. I'm on the yak. I'm constantly on famousbirthdays.com so whenever somebody brings it up i'll say somebody that they share birthday with every once i'll be like how the he has every celebrity's birthday member and on a podcast like why don't everyone you can get away with that yeah people just hear you i'm not quick enough with the googles i was trying quick with it today on the yak i was trying to say that the kid with down syndrome from peanut butter falcon would play me in the yak movie um you're right but anyway there's like a bunch of asmr drama it was like this kid he came out he's like not asmr he had to preface that because he was like speaking normally and he

was talking about another asm artist uh who is uh he's like degrading people but doing it asmr and he'll be like so there's different genres sub genres of asmr yeah you it ranges from eating thing eating is called mukbang bank i think it's a korean thing have you seen the mukbangs where she doesn't have arms no she does full crab leg feasts oh how do you eat crab legs without arms toes no fuck you i swear sorry continue no you guys need to look up the guy getting uh getting canceled his name is um uh ghetto asmr he's a white guy i see it. It's ghetto ASMR because he hasn't everybody else has these amazing setups. His just sucks.

He'll be talking shit but in an ASMR voice. Talking shit in the ASMR community he's tapping on a box and he's just like I forget the other guy's name. He doesn't fucking tap as fast as I do. I'd love to see him fucking tap as fast as I do. I'd love to see him fucking tap as fast as I do.

I'd love to see him come at me. And this is a direct quote. He's like, his thing is tapping. Yeah, he's the fastest tapper. Hey, that sounds cool. He's fast. He's not. I mean, how fast can you play it?

You can play it. Yeah, I'll play it. But. Hold on. Okay. Was he intentionally racially ambiguous who the ghetto asmr no no um so what did he get canceled one of his comeback oh because he dm'd an underage girl and he was sending her pictures of his feet and then he was like i'd love to tap on your titties for a video it would make so many people tingle.

Like, no, it would be talking shit. And he freaks out. But one of his freak outs, he was like, I'd love to see you fucking try and end me. I'm Jewish. And that was like his comeback for trying to end him. Like the people that were almost ended. And that was like his. to end him like the people that were almost ended and that was like his i love how semantics is like is bridges the gap between just extremely horny and criminal so up until the word tingle you could

just say maybe he's just overly horny and then he uses the word tingle and then you know he it's felonious behavior here's like he has rage compilations are solid here he's tapping oh he's fast he's pretty fast he's pretty fast. He's pretty fast. He was getting mad at girls not liking his video on Valentine's Day. He's like, I'll stop DMing you. Shut the fuck up. You're a little toxic piece of shit. You're jealous and you wish you were sucking my dick.

So shut the fuck up. He's still tapping. And these are his ASMR live streams. You want to be dominated? Shut the fuck up. You're nothing to me. I'm fucking everything you wish you were. Shut the fuck up. You little loser. You want to talk about shit? And this is because he only got like $2 of donations

in 14 minutes. I'm tingling. Tingling. That's exactly what they are though. Those people were being fucking like that. That's not what they are, though. Those people were being fucking, you know, like that. That's not what they're here for. I want him to say they wish he could... I'm here to make ASMR and hold it down.

I'm here to be here talking shit. He's tapping. Oh, there it is. I have the fastest tapping tingles in the game. I don't have an OnlyFans account. I'm here to make ASMR and hold it down. If you want to be here talking shit, this is the fastest

tap and tingles in the game. Like an ASMRtist trying to put you to sleep while talking shit to you. I get tap. What is tingles? That's what you get. That's what the recipient gets. Those taps make you tingle. Fast? His fast taps make you tingle. Okay, fastest What is tingles? That's what you get. That's what the recipient gets. Those taps make you tingle fast. His fast taps make. Okay.

Fastest taps and tingles. Okay. You tingle slow. No, no, no. Cause he can make you tingle fast. Really? Oh yeah. I don't know.

There is no tingles. Oh yeah. There's, there's like competitions. There's like the fastest ASMR quickest tingles. I dove in. Oh, I dove in. Wait. So his defense for not getting canceled was being jewish

he was like no he was like i dare you to try and come at me i'm jewish like you can't take me down did you guys see this i posted this was in a live stream on tiktok is this kid just singing um i am not a trump supporter and i'm jewish Is this kid just singing? I am not a Trump supporter and I'm Jewish. Is that your reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story.

Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! That's a new untold story. A new untold story A new untold story It's a fresh big untold story A new untold story A new untold story