A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 273 - ANUS x SOABD Pt. 1

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 273 - ANUS x SOABD Pt. 1 || Nick and KB are joined by Rone and Lil Sas. They hung out for a few hours; Part 2 is on the Son of a Boy Dad feed || Full episodes also available on YouTube || Thanks for listening/watching!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. Welcome back to a new untold Story, episode number 272. Sure. What? Tyler, what is it? 274? Ow! 274. We're joined with Roan and Lil Sasquatch from The Yak, from Tailgate Eats. Neighborhood Eats. Neighborhood Eats, I'm sorry.

No, no, both. Tail tailgate eats is during the football season neighborhood eats are you good and of course son of a boy dad we're all boozing up real heavy except for sass

this is not a collab this is a versus will you turn my yeah yeah this is like swizz beats or timberland

you get to be timberland though yeah yeah okay and you're a swizz beast I'm happy with being Swizz. Show Tom. As far as I know,

Swizz Beatz is just the name. Show Tom. He says Show Tom. I don't get that. And it's just like a bunch of white guys like, yo, Swizz is about to run circles over Timbo. He thinks he has the past. White dudes love versus battles. He's on the marketing team for the Minnesota Timberwolves, so he thinks he has the past white dudes love he's like on the marketing team for the

minnesota timberwolves so he thinks he has the past to be like what is it about the nba guys dude nba can't hold a candle to swizz real talk it's always holding a candle dope they both have what are you talking about i was trying to think of like the slang for discography and I couldn't. They both got dopes. Augraphies. No, what is it? Augos.

Augos. Yeah, you just take the middle. Killer augs. Discogs. Recipes. What? Recipes. They got dope recipes.

But how come whenever you go into the comments section of a versus, it's only black people, though? Have you noticed that? Well, it's white people with black avatars. Yeah. Like Tyrese and Dwayne Wade. I can't believe Tyrese said this on his burner that he's still using his picture for. It's the coolest thing you can do as a white man.

Portray yourself as a black man. For sure. Yeah, for sure. I think that... Yeah. A, that's what battle rapping is. And B, I think a lot of people who have not their own picture as their avatar on Twitter are whites masquerading. Always.

Digital blackface. Me. You. Ron, are you a... Go ahead. Are you a culture vulture? Big time. Yeah.

What? You're picking the bone clean. It's part of... I have to admit as soon as I get in that I'm a guest in the culture. You have to admit it. You can't just be like... I thought the battle rap culture nowadays, though, was like super woke, like white dudes. Yeah, it's woke white dudes who are like, we're all guests in this culture.

We're lucky to be here. Like people who are just very uh aware of their place that they can't make any decisions and if they like get like jumped and like robbed it's like they kind of had it coming as guests in the culture so you came into the rap culture it's like a reverse blind side which is a good bit idea so let's workshop this bit. A black family taking in a white kid to battle rap? Yeah. That's kind of fire. Is that not?

Yeah. So in the original movie, it was the opposite. It was the inverse. Yeah, they took in Michael Orr. It was a white family taking in a black offensive tackle. Right, but I bet you there was a ton of skinny black kids that were like, yeah, I could use a bed too. You're like, nah, nah, nah, nah. You don't have the physical profile.

What do you mean a bed? Run 40 yards. You know, I could use a bed too. You don't have the physical profile. What do you mean a bed? Run 40 yards. You know, I've never had one before. Michael Orr, you didn't say that about a bed, did you? Yeah, it was. It was about a book. No, a bed. You just made it way more racist.

I never had one before, a book. All right, so do your opposite bit. I don't want to. Let's hear it. All right, so they're taking a white guy, and it's just the opposite of the blind side blind side and she's like i've never had one before they're like what a floor not not a bed i've never had not a bed just social justice warriors who fetishize poverty who are just desperate to get a little bit of poverty in their life.

I mean, it is basically that lady Megan Greenwell who's like, I live in the Puerto Rican part of Williamsburg. Yeah, but not the nice part of Williamsburg, I think is what she said. Yeah, that's definitely what she was getting at. But like, are you a culture vulture if you're competing against...

I'm sorry, I get sorry. You're so white your voice cracked just at the idea of being around a black person. Roan is black adjacent enough to where I'm nervous. Have you guys ever seen me sit on this side of the table? You just keep thinking Ty Roan in your head. Did anyone ever Ty Roan? Or did you always just win or lose outright? You just keep thinking Tyrone in your head. It's like, oh, fuck.

Did anyone ever Tyrone? Or did you always just win or lose outright? I think that there are Tyrone and Rob. Is there Ty's in Brattle Rob? No one ever Tyrone? They stopped judging after a while. So I think that I had a Tyrone period. Because people couldn't take losses. That's so dumb.

What's the point of a battle if there's no win or lose? It's in the name. Yeah. It's not a battle without a winner. Well, like the whole point of a battle is there's going to be a winner or a loser. What are the events called? Battles. I don't know.

Like, who are you going to the battles today i think that would be the best way that they would talk about it about the duels yeah the duels fuck this fuck what who brought the four loco you're the only one drinking i didn't sip it yet did you turn my mic this is like this color scheme i don exist. As something edible. Or green and purple. Yeah. That only exists in dirt bikes. Barney.

Yeah, you're right. Green and purple is huge in the dirt bike community. Fuck, bro. I'm not trying to toil with your fucking audio the entire time. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, that's me. That's me. A little too loud. All right, that's good. So what was the game we were playing?

Kill? Fuck. Or kill yourself. Will kill. Who's likely to most kill themselves? Yeah, so you pick out three groups of people. One person usually talks about killing themselves. One person probably will kill themselves.

And one person you want them to kill themselves. Okay. And the first pairing was, or the first triplet was Jeffy Lowe, Lil Sass, and Tommy Smokes. That's right. And obviously, your time on this earth is limited. You will.

Yeah, you will. No. I won't. What do you mean? See. What? Go ahead. Make the case for why you won't kill yourself.

No, I got thought about it pretty recently i was like no not for me yeah i was like no i'm never gonna kill myself so the headlines will be like sass dies old yeah exactly worst case scenario i would like just like move so you're so you're admitting you're not that funny bro no i would just like great because like i i i have a plan in my head for like the what would be better what i would be happier with in my life and i just like move to the mountains and live on a side you just said yesterday you started loving new york well no i like new york more than i used to because our new apartment's in a great location it's beautiful but what if uh you got to the mountain and you kind of realized that it wasn't for you?

Then I would kill myself. Just a medley of... Then you would? Then I would kill myself. That's what I'm saying. Then nobody would notice. So who was it? So Jeff D. Lowe?

Jeff D. Lowe. Talks about killing himself, but wouldn't? Yeah. And then Tommy. Tommy, we want to. Everyone, we want to kill themselves. And you would wind up being the one that actually did it. Every group pairing of three usually has one. Well, I like how fuck, marry want to. Everyone, we want to kill themselves. And you would wind up being the one that actually did it. Every group pairing of three usually has one.

Well, I like how fuck, marry, kill. I like how just kill is an option. Instead of just like... It goes with them? Like, ignore? Instead of just ignore. It should just be fuck, marry. It's just like, very attracted to, very attracted to, so repulsed by it that their existence

is like, eh, burning. It definitely takes a big jump. It definitely takes a big jump. It definitely takes a huge jump and I if I could somehow find out. It should be like an actual game. And you start out on easy mode. Yeah, squid game of fuck, marry, kill. It would be like Blake Lively

really attractive sex doll and Terry Shivo. That's the easiest the fuck mary kill could be why i have a mary the sex sex doll kill blake lively i was thinking i was thinking you you'd fuck the sex doll you don't want to fuck the mary yeah making it easy um i have i think i've been a kill a lot. You're like a Mary. No, you're very Mary. No, every time.

Which is worse than being a kill. Yeah. Because marrying's like, I don't have to fuck him. Yeah, yeah. But he's too pure to... But I think most of us haven't ever been a fuck. None of us have been a fuck. Us might have been a fuck.

You may have been a fuck. Never. Never been a Mary. Never been a fuck or a Mary. I think I've always been a kill. You've always been a kill? Never. Never been a marry. Never been a fuck or a marry. I think I've always been a kill. You've always been a kill? Always been a kill. I wonder what you fuck like says.

Like a dog. You guys never talk about sex? There needs to be a fourth option. We don't talk about sex. Marry Tyler Moore. Marry Tyler Moore. That's when you renew your wedding vows with Madea. You marry Tyler Perry and then he gets into the Medea costume and you renew

your wedding. Marry Tyler even more. Yeah, marry him more. Who even was the real Mary Tyler Moore? Who's Mary Tyler Moore? That's an actress, right? No, she had a talk show. She inspired Oprah. For real? Yes. Tyler Moore did? Mary Tyler Moore.

Why do they used to give bitches male middle names yeah it was her maiden name I bet or like Joseph like sister Mary Todd Lincoln yeah Todd

and Joe and like fucking people Jennifer Love Hewitt that's some bullshit Jennifer her shit was was Love just her middle name or was she hyphenated

Jennifer Love Hewitt was one of like the she was like the 36th first lady or some shit like that i don't know if you know have you ever seen that are you brushed up on history what are you talking about i have no idea this is the part where ron tries to like fuck with me no yeah she was no because i don't want to go all down like the history route um after the impeachment of freddie prince jr very funny after the impeachment of Freddie Prinze Jr.

Very funny. Because I don't like it because then like I don't believe anything Roan says. Like we got in a big we got in a long debate last episode because we told him

America is 250 years old. And I couldn't believe it. Shut the fuck up. How old did you think it was? Like thousands of years? Like no, but it just 250 years just sounds so small.

It is. Yeah. You know the date. I know. Do you? You couldn't do the math. 1462. Yeah.

No, 1776. KB got pissed off. I know. Got real pissed off. KB just got legitimately angry. So do you think you're a moron? No. I literally think I am a genius.

Like Elon Musk. Like I have a brain that people couldn't understand. Future US president. Yeah? No. I literally think I am a genius. Like Elon Musk. I have a brain that people couldn't understand. Future US president. Did you guys see that picture of a dolphin brain that came out today though? A dolphin brain compared to a human brain? Very similar, right? A dolphin brain is bigger, isn't it? It's got more ridges. It's gaping.

Bigger lobes and has a bigger gash too. It's like fucking... It has a huge gash. The walls are fucking it's more it has a huge gash the walls are like super far apart it's like two brains yeah it's very a very small membrane have you seen it? KB I'll pull it up for you yeah show me it looks like one of those pocket

pussies that come with the full ass it does my old roommate had one of those yeah you were saying that he kept it at what point is it a pocket pussy and not a pocket ass well I guess it all depends on the size of the pocket pussy is like the whole point of pocket pussy is like it's small you can you could bring it yeah but right but like imagine the pocket pussy a kangaroo like if you need to go fuck in the bathroom at work it's like a cargo pants pocket it's way creepier if you realize that it's for people to be able to carry it in their pocket

yeah it is creepier dude my roommate had the full-on ass mold. And I know because he was fucking it in the middle of the night. This was when? You don't have it. Don't fuck it. Your dorm roommate? Don't you live with Owen? I heard him fucking something. It sounds like he's fucking a fake ass.

It did. It sounded like he was fucking a fake ass. And I knew it was a fake ass when he went and mounted it back in his closet. That's when you knew it was fake? it's dude i knew he like he he was fucking something out of nowhere what did it sound like i thought he like snuck a girl in or something no it sounded like he was fucking well i've never been horny enough to be like i'm gonna go i'm gonna buy a fake ass no never i'm just gonna go use my charm and get pussy real easily that's always that it's always like all i have

to yeah like you show i could show one dimple and then i'm in just be rye just be a little bit right tiny bit right and they're gonna fucking go gaga for it when i was in uh when i was in high school one of my buddies had a pocket pussy and me and all my other friends really wanted one couldn't drive or anything and We couldn't be like, we went to the mall. We took like the bus to the mall and I live in a very like suburb town.

Yo, pussy run? We gonna go on a pussy run? I went on like, get your bus tokens. I lived in a very small like town. Like no one takes the bus. Like no one. So we were like the only people

on the bus and we went to the, we went all the way to the mall. To the mall. Which is like 30 minutes away and then we got there and they had no pussies they were out of pussies no pussies completely where do they sell they had like alien purple ones where do they sell what does that matter did you did you make this needs to be skin color sass made the spencer gift employee purple too unrealistic. Wait, what store sells the pocket pussies? Spencer. Spencer.

Oh. Sass is fucking the display pocket pussy. Yeah. Like how GameStop has like the portable video games. He wouldn't fuck it until he took it to Michael Jackson's doctor

and like got the skin lightened on the pocket pussy. They make you put on like a, like, like those things you put on before you try on shoes. Some like pens or whatever. Just to make sure your dick fits in it like a nylon okay walk around walk around with it on see how it feels there's like mirrors that are just like waist high yeah my dick looks pretty

good in this pussy god this feels so good last week we were it was like gay yeah now we're straight we have to ever compensate. Well, if you flip the pocket puss, the beauty of the pocket pussy is you flip it around and it's, it's a smaller hole. It's an asshole. Oh yeah,

it is. Is that true? Yes. But I wish it was like shoe stores where you could like, be like, ah, like they feel and make sure you're the tip of your dicks at the end of the pussy.

I think you could size up. I think you can get a bigger pussy. You're actually a five and a half. These pussies run small. You think people have like beaters, like everyday pocket pussies? Yeah. Special occasion ones. This is my grass cutting pussy.

Just new balance pussies that they fucking walk out to the yard. New pH balance. I never had one. I've never used one, but I've heard that like to clean it so yeah you have used to clean it for sure you have to like boil it in hot water like a mouth guard yeah to shrink

it to your dick to clean it get all the cum out nobody who's fucking a pocket pussy cares about hygiene I think they do didn't Mantis have an organism grow in his? Oh, yeah. Don't say that.

Episode one of his podcast. Because I have. He did say that. Yeah. I think he used the term mushroom, which really set. Yeah. That is the only way his cum is creating life. Oh, that's so gross.

That is so gross. The passive creation of... Just keep his cum under some low light. Just keep it in the shade in a damp area. Didn't he pay like $8,000 to get a blowjob with a condom on? That shit can't be true. That can't be. No, I think it is.

I think that Magnus is a virgin for think it is. I think that Manny is a virgin for clout and I think that he's actually fucking, I think that he actually is too. He gets primo Indianapolis pussy

all the fucking time. Yeah. I thought you were going to stop at Indian. Yeah. He's flying to Chennai. No, Native American. He gets that fucking sack of joeya. Oh my God, he does. A fucking sack of joey. Oh my

God, he does a full sack of joey. She threw it back. You see that B Anthony? There's a B Anthony or no, no Maya Angela quarter. She's Maya Angela's on the quarter and she looks so stacked. Does she really? She's just tidied out like people will jerk off to that quarter. There's no doubt in my mind. I used

to stack in my middle school playground to um stacked in my uh middle school playground i would um sell quarters when the the back of quarters were just the eagle and i would shoot it with a bb gun at home and give the eagle titties and i would sell the quarters for 50 cents and then my mom i have a perfect i have a circle bb scar where i got ricocheted and my mom got mad at me and i couldn't sell to eat eagles anymore. That's such bullshit. Yeah. She didn't realize you're an entrepreneur.

I know I was making, it was like I was restocking. It is. No, you're like the Elliot Rogers of. Don't you know these quarters are perfect. When I was driving, these women don't know that these quarters are beautiful. When I was driving home the other day, I do a good Roger. That's perfect. When I send you guys that video the other day when I was driving

home, like pretending that I was going to D.C. to storm the Capitol. Send who a video? You're not in the chat. Greer's in the chat over you. I was going to do an Elliot Rogers video instead, but I was like, I tried to and I was like, this is way too creepy. Especially if you're in the front seat of a car i was like someone's gonna find this

who is elliot rogers the shooter which one supermarket no i thought it was a sorority house uh-uh i think he shot up this oh who's right yeah you're right i'm thinking of the youtuber that fell in love with the girl ghost of danny phantom he fell in love with the girl ghost of Danny Phantom. He fell in love with the rock star ghost and went and shot up a supermarket because of her. I don't know that story. I don't know that one either. It must be a deep dive. How do you guys all know the serial killer?

How do you guys all have shared knowledge of the serial killer? He's an incel. Yeah. He's kind of a meme now too. KB, you're like the expert on incels. I frequent it. Yeah. Troll them. You troll the incel? Someone who devotes their life the expert on incels. I frequent it, yeah. Troll them. You troll the incels?

Someone who devotes their life to trolling incels. It's all he does. The incels definitely have the upper hand on you. They could get pussy if they just used wood grooming. Isn't that right, boys? We all use it. Yes, sir. Sass, what's your favorite scent of wood grooming?

All of them. Yeah, good answer. I like them all too it's uh wood is made by us not actually it's made by no we work on that have you not been on the assembly line for wood we crowdsourced it yeah we crowdsourced our best fans added a little something yeah a little sprig of hair fastuly fucking sprinkled in. Wood is for those who would. Those who dare to try new things and always planning their next adventure. What?

The next Barstool blog to call gay. Hold on. I need to shower. I need to lather up. I just looked at the local Chicago smoke shows and I'm all sweaty. You work a full lather. You guys can buy it. Get wood at getwood.com or at your local CVS. What's CVS stand for?

I don't know. Not a clue. Fuck, I feel like that's some shit that you actually know. I didn't know it was an acronym. Neither did I. You just thought of the word? Yeah. It's like one of those bands that uses V as a vowel. Cuss. Yeah, it is.

It just stands for cuss. Yeah is it just stands for cuss yeah it fucking does how's your unbranded drink good yeah and non-alcoholic and non-alcoholic and unbranded we went out to a group lunch before this and I thought it was still full I thought it was a four minute team

it was 30 minutes ago two hours ago yeah well you're still full. I'm still full. Yeah. Barbecue, man. It takes life out of you. Did you think that it was going to... How long do you think you were going to be full for? 30 minutes.

You just were going to eat again right afterwards? Typically, I'm ready to dive right back into another meal after 30 minutes. That's how KB is, except for you abstain from food now. You just watch us eat. You're eating healthy. You only drink neon. Yeah, well, that's part of my...

Alcohol is in my budget for caloric intake. Okay, that's good. KB, you should get a Fitbit. No, I'm serious. To track my steps? No, steps and calories. This thing will tell me how many calories I burn and then you can log your food and it'll make sure you're in a deficit so you don't have to like keep track of everything dude that's when you're you're urgent you're not you are hey but you just

we just went out to dinner and you didn't eat food and roan was paying you knew roan was paying you're like nah i'm good and then you said that the alcohol was in like you said you were counting the calories yeah bro i'm just trying to help you okay let him help you and i know you're super fucking poor and you can't afford dinners like that because one day i opened up my apartment and you were sitting in my hallway using my wi-fi you didn't feel like kicking it with me but you were sitting in my hallway using my fucking wi-fi i lost my phone and i don't have internet in my apartment right now. For the moment. It's temporarily not.

That's not true. You've been in your apartment for seven months. Seven months you can still say at the moment I don't have it. But you're still paying for it. You just don't have the gear, right? I don't pay it anymore. You're not in the act. No. But yeah, you were just sitting in my hallway. Why not just hire somebody

to put it in there though? I don't need it. Yes, you're not in the act. No. But yeah, you were just sitting in my hallway. Why not just hire somebody to put it in there, though? I don't need it. Yes, you do. In the rare occasion that I lose my phone, then I need it. Imagine if that was Big Ev. When Big Ev, when Dave saw Big Ev didn't have a laptop, he almost fucking strangled him like fucking Homer did to Bart. Like, he'd kill you.

He'd be pissed off. Do you think that dave would like to hear that because i'll text him right now and let him know that you don't have a fucking i don't need a don't do that i'll text dave he wouldn't give a shit he would don't do that he's gonna say it's like don't he would laugh out loud he's gonna be pissed bro don't text him don't fucking text him but also can i have his number yeah i. I think I'm the longest. You ever FaceTime him? Yo, don't. Don't fucking text him. Don't do it, dude. I'm nervous.

Are you doing it? Rowan, can you call Drake? Yeah, get Drake on the phone. Dude, video him on FaceTime. I just texted Dave. KB doesn't have Wi-Fi. Yeah, his phone's connected to it. He actually did.

What the fuck? The joke's on you, dude. He's going to clown you. Text me on the side kb plugs in his ancient ass phone to an ethernet cord he's got land parties why do you have a qr code on the back of your phone because that dude he bought it fucking refurb i got this refurb you want to try that again because he's talking about roan not me i know and i got my refurb too. Oh. Jesus. Yeah. Did you get yours refurb? This is supposed to be me versus

us versus them. I just said he got bought that refurb. I'm making fun of him. Yeah, he was trying to flame me and you gave yourself up as also being a refurb. Dude, that phone's been pressed up against another sweaty ass head. No, it's supposed to be us versus them. Let's fucking just ironically talk about people who are more successful than us on the internet.

Bob Memories. Oh, have you talked about what's his name? That guy yet? Your boy from home? On TikTok? KB? Nico? KB, this is the only thing we share together. The dude who we constantly send each other videos of? Oh.

Pull him up. He's not from my hometown. He's from my college. Oh, he's the fucking worst. He's woated. No, he's the goat. He's woated. Wait, Dave just texted me back. What'd he say? Jesus. Huh? Yo, that's classic Prez. He said, huh? Oh.

With a question mark. That's not Dave. Dave doesn't know punctuation. No, that's not Dave. Or the question mark would be spaced. There's an emoji next to the name. It's Dave with a plug next to it who used to be a drug dealer

of mine in Philly and my last message to him was why do you have an essay sent to him you guys broke up it says yo it's Roan

my guy Francis is trying to get butt off of you he just texted you he's cool just super white and he said sorry for the late response

I'm tied up tonight I was trying to get Francis some fucking weed in Philly but you had to preface that he was super white. And he said, sorry for the late response. I'm tied up tonight. I was trying to get Francis. But you had to preface that he was super white. Yeah. What makes him super white? Because if Francis approached a drug dealer,

he'd probably think he was a cop. Definitely. What about me? No, you'd be good. Yeah, you'd be fine. Your nerdiness has been overstated historically. You're actually a cool guy.

Surprisingly, you're actually cool. There it is. Yeah, you're right. You're actually a cool guy. Surprisingly, you're actually cool. Yeah, you're right. What do you have to say, Kyle? I have a natural cool about me while Kyle has to try real hard. Mine, I don't quite want it, but it just kind of, I guess, oozes.

I guess it oozes out of every pore. I'm naturally goofy. I remember when I first saw Nick and I was like damn this guy is such a fucking puss but then you like actually actually

you end up actually being pretty cool where'd you see him at where'd you see him when you thought he was a puss I actually first met Nick and KB right outside of my apartment he was standing on his stoop he was like

I thought you guys were gonna come from the other direction yeah I was looking that way the entire time on his stoop. He's like, I thought you guys were going to come from the other direction. Yeah. I was looking that way the entire time. You came up behind him and he jumped. Goodness. And then we went out, just got absolutely

just absolutely fucking diced. We actually went out, we met other like co-workers and Nate. No, I was a different. Actually, I think that was that night. Yeah. Nate was with us. He was like, I can't be seen drinking with this kid and he like was left that's me and nate nate really he he bothered you off the rip bothered me a lot right out of right off the bat oh he bothered you not bodied you to this day why did he bother no not anymore but dude we're hanging out and he's like we're like all hanging out and i'm like brand new been there for like a day yeah

and he's like singling me out in front of like a crowd of people being like what are you doing here you can't be here you're too young to be here yeah i'm like dude like i don't know what the fuck you want me to do i don't even know you he texted me after like the day after he was like there were no pictures taken right he's looking out he's looking out he thought you guys were gonna like lose your jobs but like do more do. You actually have to like be. You can't be like drinking with sass on camera or else you're fucked. Like, it's just a bad look. Yeah.

Yeah. No, we wouldn't. Yeah. That's just. That's just gay. That shit is. My sister said that you guys are all grooming me. Yeah.

Your sister was the one that said that? Yeah. Or is it everybody on the internet always says that? It seems like everybody. It's so hard to not be ageist against you, but I think I do a pretty fucking good job. How is it hard? Because every time that you're in a scenario, there's part of the brain that's like, oh, he's just young, he'll get over that.

And I always subdue that thought, and I always take your problems on seriously. That's right. What problems? Any problem you have. Every single thing that happens to you. Your life is a fucking series of fucking calamitous events. You live the most black and white life of all time. It's the worst thing that's ever happened or the best. You deal in absolutes.

He does. Like a Sith. Just like a Sith. You are a Loki Sith. He looks like Darth Maul If you painted your face up black and red You would be Darth Maul If you got a little hornier You'd be fucking Darth Maul

He had two horns right here and here That is horny Am I fucking wearing two different shoes? Put them up In my defense Stand on the. In my defense. Stand on the table. In my defense. Stand on the table.

Two different dirty Reeboks but holy fuck. Pop them up. Stand on the table. KB. Just jump up. This is the most

twisted one yet. Talk about that. Yo you're dumb as fuck. This was actually on accident. I wouldn't do like that as a joke that's not funny I can't tell now

because we went the whole yak today without saying anything about it I did this on accident just I mindlessly put my shoes on they look kind of similar but you're how dirty is

you don't keep your pairs of shoes next to each other I have a a pile of shoes I feel that I have a pile of shoes. I feel that. I have a pile of shoes. I want to see your apartment so bad. He won't invite any of us. Have you never been? Never.

Why won't you let anyone come? Is that super dirty? He's embarrassed because he just has a beanbag chair. And then you rip open the beans. It's not that loose. Like a white guy in a movie theater covered in them. And then you rip open the beans. It's not that loose. Fucking beans. Like a white guy in a movie theater covered in them.

Black beans? Pinto beans? What beans are we talking about? I wouldn't wear these on purpose. But unlike Nick, I remember one time he accidentally wore a green man suit under his clothes to the high school football game. Accidentally. He had it on. He had it on for football game. Accidentally, he had it on for some reason. That's what he said.

He's like, oh, fuck. And there was no room in the student section. We had the biggest freshman class because we consolidated with another school district. So all the freshmen were taking up his spot. So he had to go sit with the parents way up high in the stadium.

And then he did this green man bit. What was the argument that you were just like trying to stay warm or it was just like... That was a big thing in my school. You were next to Marcus George's parents. He was the quarterback. And you were like, let me do this green man bit. But no, you weren't in the student section.

You weren't even on the fringe of the student section because those were like the local eighth graders who played football. They were in their middle school jerseys. You were so far up doing the green man bit and like nobody acknowledged you. It was probably helpful for the team though. The team probably appreciated it.

Nick, didn't they make you start wearing shorts? What? Didn't they make you start wearing shorts with the green man suit yeah because yeah because your dick was just like it was just so it was uh the first picture i was i accidentally wore the green man suit to the first game of the season as well um and the newspaper came and i was like they used flash and it was just i brought i was apparently a cheap one because the flash just went right through it and it was just a naked guy of me just standing in the background.

You couldn't tell I had anything on. I was just butt ass naked because the flash bulb was like an old newspaper one. So in the back of the newspaper I was just fucking naked. That's crazy. Was it black and white in the newspaper? Yeah. Like a naked freshman.

With the toe naked? Yeah. Not even like, they saw your ball sack or just the outline of your penis? No, just a naked man. Just everything naked? With the flash, you could see it 100%. Your pubes? Yeah.

I looked like Dr. Manhattan. Pubes? Your pubes? I guess you're as young to have a bunch of pubes. Freshman year year not a ton did you yeah every school did have the guy weren't mine did the green like the green man like that that guy it was the funny guy we only did it there was only kids that did it in middle school for me it was the same guy so jealous but i was like those kids fucking suck in the team picture

they would like lie on the hill yeah help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or when it took a picture of like, it had like class of 2010. We all had to sit in the bleachers for it. And there was like one kid that like dressed up his wall though. Yeah. I was so jealous. It was such a good idea. That's a good idea.

I wish I had that fucking attention. Yeah. That fucking attention was incredible. There was this kid named Guy Campo went to uh not even a rival high school just a different high school than us and he came over and he mooned our dean when he was a freshman damn and the dean chased him down he was just such a fucking legend good god yeah guy camp you don't fuck with the dean no he moved and our dean was a fucking hard ass we called him the fridge no the fridge why'd you guys call him the fridge? He's built like a fridge. He was just a hard ass.

Yeah, he was just a mean boy. He was ice cold. But he got mooned. What's he going to do when he gets mooned by Guy Campo? Getting mooned is awesome because he can't do

anything about it. Right. Every class clown I know is becoming an electrician. Yeah, they hate him. I don't know, he might be. Yeah, they're always,

yeah. That's where they mine the talent. They definitely fucking... My TikTok's full of electrician memes right now. It's just like all these other tradesmen making fun of electricians. That's awesome. They're the pussies of the trades.

Electricians are like some of the smartest trades guys, though. Yeah, you're not supposed to be smart in a trade. They're just pussies, yeah. It's like the Air Force. I understand. The army guys are just willing to die and fucking get out of the way. Wait, you're telling me you got bees in high school? Pussy.

And the Navy boys are just sucking dick. Yeah, semen. They're sucking dick and they're taking dick. That's why they put them on a boat. They're just like, out of sight, out of mind, don't ask, don't tell, just go fuck on the high seas. Yeah, that's right. It would be awesome to be gay and be in the Navy.

KB fucked on a high sea. Wait your bagged lunch orange squash yeah you're fucking on a bag lunch it was the high sea was full was the the little box and yeah the pressure that's right it was somebody you hated too so you yeah you squashed a beef and you fucked on the high seas at the same exact time which was awesome squashed a beef and you fucked on the high Cs at the same exact time, which was awesome. Wait, so you were on the bottom? Roast beef. There was, yeah. Well, there was a Slim Jim and I had my lunch with just a Slim Jim and a high C.

Are you saying Slim Jim? Slim Jim. Slim Jim. Yeah. Slim Jim. A Slim Jim, a beef sandwich, and a high... So the joke is I was fucking missionary. Prone bone.

So you were getting fucked? On top of... The only way you could squash your lunch is if... Getting prone bone is if you're the one lying down. Raw on my lunch and... No, no, no. I squashed the beef... I squashed the Slim Jim and...

No, you were the kid that wore your backpack on the front, though. So you were fucking missionary, but that's how you squashed your lunch. Yeah. you were the kid that wore your backpack on the front, though. So you were fucking missionary. But that's how you squashed your lunch. In between the two. Which was funny. That was a funny move of the kid who wore the backpack on the front. Yeah, it looked like a fatso. They used to nugget our backpacks.

They would turn the backpack fully inside out. Oh, I loved nuggeting backpacks. I've never heard of that. That was like the best. I've never heard of that. The first time I saw that, I cried. What is that? It is so funny looking.

An inside out backpack? No, but it, dude, like it's inside out and you zip it up and there's just nothing. It's just like a smooth ass. Is it funny like that? A smooth ass backpack. It's funny like that. And if you go, it's hilarious. It's the funniest thing he's ever seen in his life.

Darth Maul. No, but I remember the first time I saw that, I was crying laughing. Dude, because you go out, like when you get nuggeted, you go out looking for your backpack. Where's my backpack? And then you find it and it's just smooth as hell. It was right where this smooth one that's the same color. No, they're not the same color because the inside is a different color. Not my L.L. Bean copper.

Bro, I'll nugget a backpack right now and you'll see how funny it looks. Go grab one. Go just grab a random. It's funny because it looks like a chicken nugget. I think the funny part was it's hard to get on and done. Yeah, it's really hard to get. Let me see this. Tyler's basically right.

Getting nuggeted, nuggeting your boy. Jamie, pull up a nuggeted backpack, Jamie. Safe search off. When you're in middle school, dude, this shit is funny. Funniest thing you've ever seen? Dude, nuggeting one of your friend's backpacks. Go out and find that. That's funny funniest thing you ever seen or what nuggeting one of your friends back go out and find that that's funny what hilarious how is that a thing for both of you that was never a thing for us but we called it sacking this is funny right i'm not i'm not crazy i mean 90 percent of the kids in

our school's backpacks were just plastic krogerger bags. It wasn't like a funny looking thing. It was more a nuisance to the person who got sacked. It's hilarious. You're going to take everything out and like it's probably between periods when you find it out and you're like five minutes. This is funny as fuck. You're looking for your backpack and you're like where is it? I don't think the visual

is the comedic aspect. I don't think it's to throw you off of like that's not my backpack. That one's inside out. That one's been nuggeted. My back sack is the rightic... I don't think it's to throw you off of like, that's not my backpack. That one's inside. That one's been nuggeted. My back sack is the right side in. I thought it was hilarious. It was hilarious. It's funny. No, that's why I brought it up. You know what nugget porn is?

No. It's no arms, no legs. Oh, God. Not little girls, but they're like little because they don't have their arms and their legs What is it? What is a nugget porn? This is anus I can't be a part of this No we don't even have cut power

We don't have cut power You don't have cut power You have to walk out You haven't beaten the second gym yet That's a reference two people will get That's when you use cut Pokemon. I always have to work one in an episode. You guys have a heavily

Asian fan base? No, none actually. Zero? Not one. We're like 50. 50%? Yeah. We got 50 Asian dudes. Because we actually translated over. Yeah? Yeah. Who translates for you? One of those kids on YouTube. One of our boys in Asia. One of that pudgy boy that wanders into Chinatown

on YouTube. Wait, who's the pudgy boy? No idea. Are you talking about the dude who knows all the languages? Yeah. Nick and I hate him. I love him. And he's also never in Chinatown. No, he's always in Chinatown. No, he's in like fucking

Astoria. He's in like Fown. No, he's in like fucking, like Astoria and like fucking, like, yeah, he's in like Flushing and like, like very, super like North Brooklyn and like Harlem and shit. Anywhere where it's

so densely populated with different, he just can speak every language. He speaks like Urdu or whatever, Nigerian language. What is it?

KB? I know you know this. Nigeria, they all just speak like fucking French and. The one time though, he did go I know you know this. They all just speak like fucking French. The one time, though, he did go into the Jamaican spot, and he was just like talking like Chet Hanks. Yeah, some patois.

Me think me want a beef patty. It's like, bro, you're not speaking a different language. You're just using a thick accent. But I like the dude. I don't know what you have against this dude who can just speak different languages and goes around the world and makes the world a smaller place

and spreads his wings culturally. What bothers you about that? He's smug. He's so smug about it. He learned a whole new language. Which is, a lot of people do. A lot. In that, yeah.

All right, wrestlers are smug. Like, oh, you just pinned somebody. You're smug. Fall back. Comedians are smug. Com wrestlers are smug like oh they you just pin some somebody you're comedians are on fallback comedians are fucking pokemon is probably smug as pokemon's not smug accepting community maybe no not the community you sound crazy mons themselves you don't pluralize pokemon bulbasaur is probably smug no uh fucking charizard is probably smug. No. Fucking Charizard is probably smug. Only if it's levels too high. So there's probably smug Pokemon. Pokemon all have a nature. We all worship something

that's a little bit smug is my point. And yours happens to be a boy on TikTok. But his is going out and just like he thinks he's better than these Chinese people like you thought I was dumb. It would be like you going to Compton and like battle like battle rapping and flexing your vocabulary. Yeah, except you'd be like nerd bodies gangster in battle.

So Fousey 2. It's the same shit. Fousey 2 playing basketball. He's never seen a nerd. He's like, hey, do you want to play one-on-one? He just has a bunch of fucking tape between his glasses. Also, he's going up bragging to people that he speaks two languages, all to people that speak at least two languages. Yeah. It's true. It's that speak at least two languages. Yeah.

It's like most people speak two languages. He's in a Chinese-populated area. He's like, oh, look, I can speak Chinese. Like, okay, I can speak English. Yeah. It's like a trick shot YouTuber. Like, he goes around and tries and tries and tries and like probably 90% of the Chinese employees and staff members are like, they don't react

in any way. And then he finally gets one that's like, they don't react in any way. And then he finally gets one that's like, oh, wow. Okay, so it's not cool when the professor crosses someone over. It's like, oh, the professor doesn't get a crossover every time he dribbles a basketball. Okay, so like he hits a crossover sometimes. And when he does, it's fucking awesome. That's him hitting his crossover. So you're defending all of this, okay.

Yes, 100%. This guy's speaking fucking sweet-ass different languages. The worst videos are the ones that, like, the... Was it you that just brought up, like, the nerds? Dudes who dress up as nerds with, like, the tape and the glasses? Yeah. You're cosplaying as a human and you've started to fade. Yeah, yeah.

And they're, like, wearing, like, a button-up shirt with, like, tape on the glasses, but the button-up shirt is, like, skin-tight and you can see their muscles, like, exploding through it. And then, like, then like there's like a beat drop and all of a sudden they're in they're like hot dude clothes yeah that's the only guy that lost his mind uh oh yeah what connor murphy yeah like his videos were awesome before i liked him because he would like go up and you could tell he was enormous and jacked and he would walk up to girls and he'd show a picture of him and be like hey do you think this ised and he would walk up to girls and he'd show a picture of him and be like, hey, do you think this

is fucking hot? He'd be like, yeah, and then he just takes his shirt off. It was awesome. He was dope. But I don't understand why that's sweet and then my boy who fucking can speak fucking Pakistani is not sweet. I think it's because he's kind of fat. Yeah.

He's not fuckable. By any means. You know what fucked up videos are? Are the, are the, is the dude who goes up and he's like super smooth. Yes. I know. Charming.

And then he goes up and he like hits it off. They're like so happy. And then he just like is posting it online. It's like, so like, are they like waiting for you to hit them up? Like they just thought they just like met their husband. Well,

you just brought up the ones with the guys with tape on their glasses and the shirts that are too tight. You see their muscles bulging out. I know exactly who you're talking about though. This dude with the mustache? No, this dude goes up to thousands of girls a week and is just hitting it off with them. I've seen some of his videos. Is he the guy that's in

Times Square? No, he's on a college campus. Have you seen the guy that walks through Times Square for tourist girls that are probably uh what most people would describe to describe is like grotesque yeah yeah and he's like what's your height limit no no he'll go up and like no he just smiles at him and it's like tries to get their attention and then that's the video. Is he a hot guy? Oh no, I know because he's super hot. He's black. That one's always on

Instagram. He posts highlight videos of himself walking through public places and girls turning and looking at him. And everyone's like, her boyfriend better watch the fuck out. The top comment will always be like, bro, boys, don't let your girl stop you from meeting your wife. It's always that. Don't let your girl stop you from meeting your wife.

It's always that. Don't let your girlfriend stop you from meeting your wife. It's always him walking in slow-mo and then he's like, don't let your wife stop you from meeting your girlfriend. And then the girl turns. But there's multiple ones where the girl turns. He is just trying to ruin people's lives by just, like, smiling. And all they do is make eye contact. Yeah.

Like, oh, my God, he was definitely going to fuck her. Yeah. Oh, he fucking blew her back out after this. Oh, he annihilated her pussy. Have you seen the one who does kiss or slap? Yeah. But he just airs the kisses. Yeah.

But wait, that dude is beautiful as fuck. Yeah. I hate hot guys. Yeah, me too. Like when fucking what's his name walked in here, I was pissed. The dude from The Bachelor? No, who's the dude that works here? Like in Wisconsin, kid.

Tyler? He's too handsome for me. Chef Donnie? Watts. He's too handsome for you? He's too handsome. What? Really?

Hey, he's a handsome guy. He is. What? That was handsome enough for you to be like, oh yeah. Watts is like your benchmark for too sexy. I thought you were referring to Zach Efferly. I'm going to wind up insulting Watts now. I like him. I think he's a good looking guy.

He's not anger inducingly hot, is he? I was joking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. I thought you were going to say, like, Henry Golding when he came in. Yeah, like, he was like, no, I don't think he's handsome. Tyler Cameron.

You don't think Henry Golding is handsome? Tyler Cameron just seems like a douche, though. What? What? Watts is down to earth. Intern Watts. He's also, like, a geography savant. Watts is?

Yeah. That's why KB thinks he's not. He bodied me once in like a country identification game. You don't think Henry Golding's attractive? Is he the dude from Crazy Rich Asians? Yeah, he's Asian. So no. He's the Asian dude.

That's the best loop around to ask if he's the Asian one. Was he the guy that was in Crazy Rich Asians? Was he in He was the dude. Was he the dude that slapped fights in KFC and the balls? Yeah. Yeah. We do need some like we need like the super swaggy

like Korean dudes around though. Dirt ugly. I thought that dude was ugly. Swaggy Korean dudes. Those are the swaggiest of dudes. Exactly. That's what I mean and I think that this office would kind of have their... Filipino. Filipinos are the best singers. I just made

that up, Sass. I don't know why I said Filipino, bro. It just came out. No, but you just agreed so easily. I can agree with anything. Bro, I'm on air right now. I just want everyone to have fun. What is the swaggy one? Koreans. Like Kevin Park.

Yeah. Or like Dumbfounded. Or like Aquafina. Is she Korean? I think so, yeah. Koreans are fly as hell. Yeah. They are.

And that's why we need swaggy-ass Koreans around. The cheapest Korean also is worth $500 million. Everyone I see, they're loaded. You mean the cheapest Korean? To purchase? No, no, no. You mean poorest? I meant to say poorest.

You described a person as the socioeconomic status of Koreans. You human trafficking. I meant to say poorest. You exposed yourself. Korean? The cheapest Koreans. Cheapest Koreans. I meant to say poorest.

Uh-oh. You could have saved yourself by saying I meant like frugal nope you meant poorest well you're racist too he's not racist he's anti-semitic which sass is so it's sass is that so you could kind of

say it to my fucking face you have a half circumcised half circum No, sass is that, so you could kind of... Say it to my fucking face. You have a half circumcise? Half circum... I don't know words. The curious moil? Yeah. The curious moil of curious yoil. What if I cut it this way?

He gives people a little... But what is really showing is curiosity. Like a barber who will draw a little line in it. Dude, who's that TikTok guy that goes up and cuts people's hair? I think there's a gang of them. Yeah, they're like, oh, can I give you a free haircut? That's all I look at. Dude, a Moyle should start doing that. Yo, can I

cut your dick? Yeah, someone who cuts homeless guys' dicks for free. But they should have shape ups. Before and after, they're still the same looking. You should be able to like kind of tighten it up or like give someone like a little fade on their like just foreskins they never grow back, right?

You can buy salves. You like can't get circumcised after like you're like an adult, right? You can. No, you can't. Can't you like not get a boner? Or else you'll like... Yeah, it could fuck it up.

And yeah, like any dick stitches, but, um, some people try to regrow it though. Yes. How would that happen? We had trucks would pull up to our school in high school,

like a couple of times a year, like three long circumcision trucks. Yeah. Just no with, uh, posters saying like, you didn't have the right to cut these penis. Yeah.

Mutilation. Yes. They used to do that. and they used to pull up to like Union Square and shit. It was a strong movement. George Floyd just ruined it all. Everyone else had to pivot. That movement had to pivot. I can't pretend to care about this.

They rewrapped the trucks. They're like, dog, those were eight years apart. As soon as we had momentum. There's definitely someone the trucks and they're like dog those were like eight years apart fuck we gotta I guess we gotta win no they overlapped as soon as we had momentum there's definitely someone who's pissed they finally had momentum

like the anti-mutilation anti-circumcision they were getting some headway and then they were like oh racism still is a thing fuck and eventually

they had to figure it out yeah that was that was a terrible cause you haven't seen those trucks in the entire time since like early 2020.

Yeah. They just repivoted. They'll be back soon. Barring another tragedy. No, I don't think they will, though. I think that everybody who had that is so out of nowhere. No, I'm being serious. I remember like 2019, even into 20.

It was a growing, ever growing. It's more of a summer thing, though. But isn't like... There's more... It's hard to prioritize that movement when there's other more important movements going on. Aren't most of the

nerves, like most of the pleasure nerves removed when you get circumcised? Ours is just so used to rubbing. I think sex feels better for people who are... So you're uncircum I think it's just like get circumcised. I think sex feels better for people. So you're uncircumcised. No, I am circumcised. Um,

you're on. So you're on circumcised. I am circumcised. I don't think you are. I don't think you know what it means. What do you have at the end of your penis? Are you guys fucking with me right now? What do you have at the end of your,

your cock? Oh no. This is bad bro not only did i hear that you're uncircumcised i heard it like tapers the opposite way you have like a bell-bottom dick which is back in stock it looks like the end of a musket yeah like it flares out at the end no i am i heard from sophia with an f yeah why did you guys all get quiet when i said i was It flares out at the end. No, I am circumcised. I heard it from Sophia with an F. Why did you guys all get quiet when I said I was circumcised? You guys are all uncircumcised?

Yeah. You're not? I thought that we were all uncircumcised. Bro. Aren't you Jewish? Yeah. So are we. No, you're not, bro.

I can see it. I can tell. I can spot a G when I see one. Yeah? What does it look like Nick's close but the rest of you guys are nowhere

you can spot a G when you see one yeah I guess you guys are fucking yeah I can spot one when I see one

how far in are we oh man 17 minutes no 54 just ask no we're not 17 minutes we can. 54. Sass, no. We're not 17 minutes in. I'm fine with to the next.

Well, yeah, let's do a clean cut because we have to swap batteries. All right. Go ahead and announce what you guys... Yeah. We're doing a road trip

to Curious Oil. No, no, no. These boys are doing a bonus episode and go over to their feed and listen to that. Yes, yes. They used us to get the ball rolling. that. Yes, yes. They used us to

get the ball rolling. No, no, no. It's going to be worse than this was. No way. We got the ball rolling. I'm feeling warm. I'm ready to see. No one's halfway done with their whatever drink. Their water. I'm not laughing. For real. Alright, have a fucking purple drink.

Thank you guys for listening. Thank you. That was a new untold story. Please like and subscribe. Please subscribe to the YouTube. If I would, subscribe to the YouTube, please. Let's get the important things out of the way. Almost 10K. Kyle's pumped.

Yeah. At 10K, Kyle, we're doing a pop-up shop for KB in Chinatown. He'll be sitting on the stoop and you can go up and just talk. Is your guy's boy going to be there? To translate? Who's your boy? I.B. To translate? Jaumon? Fuck him He's a cunt Shut up bro

Me and Ronan are going to pull up with him I'll be like Hey man it's really nice to see you Save it for son of a boy dad Oh yeah Is that your reply to what I'm gonna say no you're just gonna say like no that's a new untold story hey is that story old or told

fuck no baby that's a new untold story a new untold story it's a fresh big untold story a new untold story A new untold story