A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 274 - The Curl of Sandwich

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

A New Untold Story: Ep. 274 - The Curl of Sandwich || Nick & KB discuss many things & debate the true heir to the Put on Prince's throne || Full episodes also available on YouTube || Thanks for listening/watching!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. Three, two, one. A New Untold Story episode 274 happened in the blink of an eye. Kyle, some bad news. Bad, bad news. Tell me the good news first. That would make no sense for the context and where I'm trying to direct this conversation. But there is good news.

Yeah. All right, yeah. We lost dude wipes. What do you mean we lost dude wipes? We lost them in the back. I know where mine is. No, no, no, no. I know where the extra inventory is.

No, no, no. I'm going to need you to flush. No, you should not flush them. I'm going to need you to throw them away because we lost them. to need you to flush no you should not flush them i'm gonna need you to throw them away because we lost them we lost dude wipes as a sponsor for the third or second time yeah yeah yeah man are you serious yeah they were our presenting sponsor that's right they weren't and then they weren't and then that's when we were on that big toilet paper kick. And then when they weren't, it was so hard to keep praising them. Yeah.

And we managed. We did. I feel like you think I'm segwaying into a dude wipes out. We lost. Oh, we actually, no. Did we? Oh, did we really? Yeah.

You've officially stressed enough. They said you've stressed enough. Do they have a team? How did they go one to one to one to one what do you mean like they had to stop for a reason and then come back for a reason yeah

they had to give a raise to their social media manager we've been nothing but kind to them and I considered them like brothers. Despite, despite the fact that nobody cares about the flavor of something that you don't taste with your mouth.

That's right. It is something you're putting directly into your ass. You don't have a palate in your rectum. So here, I want to go buy something that I'm going to put my actual shit on. I'm going to rub around the eye of my ass, and I'm going to pay a lot for it. No, honey. No.

Yeah. No, honey. We're going to stick with what works. Give me the Angel Soft. We're going to stick with what we have. Because I'm tired of having a wet ass. Yeah, that's the... Like, oh, this tastes like mint.

Like a mint chill, which is two conflicting things. Mint and chill? Mint is a flavor, chill is a feeling. Yes. So it's a flavor feeling? Yeah. I guess.

Yeah. Yeah. But they're gone. But are you ready for the good news? I just voided my bowels. Okay. After a hiatus. Like a, you know, like a long hiatus.

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, I want this to taste good in my ass. And I want to get wet. For the rest of the day. Because once your ass gets wet and you don't have anything dry it stays wet forever remember you know like when it's a hot summer day but not like too hot right just so you want to get in the inner tube and like like float around the pool yeah but you don't want to get wet right the pool water is kind of cold anyway it's like may 30th yeah and you know when you get in that you get in the tube and like

everything the sun is beating down on you. I've been in this exact situation. You feel amazing. You're floating around. And then it's slightly deflated. Yes. And your ass touches the water. And then a little bit of your ass gets in the water. Yeah.

Ruined. Ruined. Vibe ruined. Vibe ruined. That's what using dude wipes is like. It penalizes you for being regular. Now I'm like putting on my slacks and i there's a a hint of moisture yeah of dew yeah there's it's a hint of dew but now kyle

we have felix gray's felix gray yeah that's right or is it plural? Well, you and I and Owen all will be getting Felix Greys to represent. The glasses. Felix Grey. Which I've always wanted. We love them. Right. I remember like, I don't think we ever talked about it explicitly on the podcast. We've hinted at it.

Don't say feel dicks gay or anything like that. Don't call them that. Who said feel, who said feel dicks gay? Who said feel dicks gay? We just got them. Yeah. So we shouldn't say that. We didn't get, no.

Don't call them feel dicks gay. It's not even funny. They're Felix Gray. They're glasses. They're sunglasses. They're prescription glasses. Yeah. They set out to create eyewear that would improve daily screen time.

Then Felix Gray has been on a mission to create a better relationship with tech. daily screen time. Then Felix gray has been on a mission to create a better relationship with tech. Felix Ray lenses filter out 15% more blue light that can make screen time tough on the eyes and disruptive to sleep and our listeners. And if you're watching us on YouTube, which you should be doing, if you're watching us,

that, that YouTube video is projecting out blue light, block some of that. Go to, go to Felix, Felix, go to Felix, Felix, go to Felix, gray glasses.com slash story.

You can start off the new year, right? Yeah. They have a non-prescription prescription. F E L I X G R A Y glasses.com slash S T U R Y for free shipping, free returns and free exchange exchanges. Um, Felix, gray glasses.com slash story okay what what is this like a collab with the beer with what with the beer is it a

collab with what beer ad with what beer bat we don't have labatt i thought you were saying like felix labatt blue light no no filters out blue light glass it's filters out blue light oh you're boring me i only heard i yeah i was at selective hearing no you were trying to think of field dicks gay instead of acid glasses you're gonna say asses are you laughing at field dicks gay no no no who is the fucking twisted genius the dickhead who came up with that some sort of monster that wants this podcast to go down the drain like a dude wipe before it clogs your plumbing yeah because you know they think ads disrupt the purity of the podcast okay who could that be kyle Felix Gray FelixGrayGlasses.com We recommend them Don't we? Yes

Okay, let's play the theme song Felix Gray Glass That's your reply to what I'm going to say No, you're just going to say No, that's a new untold story Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby That's a new untold story Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby!

It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. we had a live show friday yeah did you enjoy yourself no why not no i'm i'm happy with how it went i didn't enjoy myself no no did you why you showed up 15 seconds before it started. I get nervous in front of crowds. But they were all there. Sub 100. I need a large audience. They were all there to see you.

Despise that. They wanted to see young Nicky. Yeah, that's fine. Did you hear him chant for me? There was no Nicky chant. They were saying, oh baby, go young Nicky. O-B-G-Y-N. That's what everybody said when I was little.

Oh baby. Go young Nikki. Oh God. No, no one said that. And it was all women. You've been called an OBGYN. You dressed like one unintentionally. How do I dress?

For Halloween in college. How did I unintentionally dress like an OBGYN? You just left your house. You didn't know it was Halloween. I didn't. Do you think my style is that of an OBGYN? You're dressed like the 1975 right now. You are.

I know. We're dressed kind of exactly alike. That's not great. You're way more of the Matty Healy than me. Wrong. You're his build. You're his me. Wrong. You're his build. You're his height. No, you're his build.

Oh, no way. He's a short boy. Matty Healy? Build. Build his height. Build his height. You look, you are the same type of human as Matty Healy. Yes.

You probably covered the night. You probably cover girls and chocolate in the mirror. I cover girls in chocolate. Syrup. Before we fuck. You cover their two hit songs. They have more hits than that. The sound?

The sound is my favorite. Mine too. Perfect. Yeah. Mine too. Perfect. I put you on to them because this weekend we found out that I am the put on prince. This is the most ridiculous. This shit actually pisses me off. People call me P.O.P. I invented

the term put on prince. Yes, to call me. So by definition, I am everyone's put on prince. No, that's not. How are you a put on prince? I put people on constantly. No, I am. You have never put people on. You put on prints. No, that's not. How are you a put on prints? I put people on constantly. No, I am. You have never put people on. You put people off. No, I don't. Yes, you do. No, I can be off putting

and still put people on to things. I'm a volume shooter. That's what putting on is. Nope. My putting on batting average is near 100. What have you put people on to? 1,000. I put on people to everything. No music. You love logos now i put people no i don't yes don't care about you love fonts i don't even do the logos i put you on to solid black tees

no you didn't no you fuck you were you were rocking striped wrong yes you were how are you the put on prince you're dressed exactly like nobody listens to vampires everywhere you're no matter how many times you tell people to i don't even know what that is why do i see you didn't even put me onto that you didn't even put me on that you're dressed exactly like me today you're in my uniform backwards snapback solid black people on to baby everyone's talking about I put them on to Babytron to Rio de Young OG to Grind Hard Mike to RMC Mike

Grind Rd's Sopranos you know how many people are concurrently watching Sopranos 20 years late right now who do you think that's because not you it's because of me Kyle I'm the put on prince the rewatching maybe you were put on that's because? Not you. It's because of me. Kyle, they're re-watching. I'm the put-on prince.

They're re-watching, maybe. You were put-on to The Sopranos. Yes, that's even more of a put-on. No, it's not. I put them on so hard, they're like, I'm going to just re-watch it because he's so good at putting on. I'm putting on things. I already know what happens. I'm putting on people to things that they didn't know existed.

You are the anti-put-on prince. How? You can't even put on Prince Fielder's game-worn jersey. Yeah? You can't even put on Prince Fielder's game-worn jersey. It's too big. Fall to the floor. No, I would...

You dropped it. No, because his... Do you think the neck hole's too wide? How would you put it on? It would look like a fucking nightgown on you. You can't even put on socks. Yes, I can. Yes, your fucking Ticonderoga calves and ankles.

You're the first person who's ever sagged Nike Elise. Your fucking ankles are so skinny. You can't even put on socks. That's literally putting on. I'm the put on prince. No. You couldn't even put on Prince Harry's.

Go ahead. What could I not put on Prince Harry's? I'm the put on prince. You're not even the put on Prince Harry's... Go ahead. What could I not put on Prince Harry's? I'm the put-on prince. You're not even the put-on duke. Do you have anything else to add to that? There's no play on words there? Prince Harry... What was Prince Harry? He's the duke. Is he a duke? Yes. The duke. The duke of Sussex.

You're the duke of Sussex. You're the duke lacrosse of Sussex. You're the Duke of sus sex. You're the Duke Lacrosse of sus sex. I'm the put on... Owen, he's the put on... You're not even the put on... You're the Duke Lacrosse of sus sex. You're not even a put on peasant.

You're not the put on Earl. Or are you? You put on Earl's sweatshirt at an Alpha Fee mixer got like 15 seconds into chum and near you ho y'all flocked just can you

name some things that you put have you put me on to anything what have you ever put me on to anything that doesn't matter I'm putting everyone else on to things am I unput onable working at Barstool yeah put me on to anything? That doesn't matter. I'm putting everyone else on to things. Am I unput on-able? Working at Barstool. Yeah, put you on to a career? A career? You would have been a

faceless blogger if I didn't have to ghostwrite that Coke tweet for you. Okay. Semi-true. I wrote your best joke. You didn't put it on. That wasn't even a good joke. I wrote Saturdays are for the boys in Barry Jam. Yeah, you did write joke. You didn't put it on. That wasn't even a good joke. I wrote Saturdays are for the boys and Barry Jan. Yeah, you did write that. You didn't put me on to that.

I would never do something like that. You came to me. You came to me. Hold on. I'm trying to think of an Earl thing. You're right. I was struggling as a web designer for a prestigious university. Where did you live?

Whose cost of living was I lived above a Panda Express. You could only have... What was the Oju thing that happened to you? I dropped Oju down my steps. And what happened? whose cost of living was I lived above a Panda Express. What was the au jus thing that happened to you? I dropped au jus down my steps. And what happened? Spilled. And then what? Had to eat the dry sandwich.

Instead of getting a new one. Wow. You know the sandwich relies on au jus. A French dip. It's still a sandwich. You ate a French dip without au jus. It just becomes a roast beef. That's disgusting. Yeah, the bread was ciabatta.

Inherently dry. Yeah, and what did you drink? Water. I've been putting you onto that. Water? You've been putting me onto water. I drink a gallon a day. Cutlet sandwiches.

Chuck Naso put me on. And I spread the word. No, no. Chuck Naso told me. I told the entire. Cutlets is in my DMs. Cutlets is in my DMs. They're in your tummy. They're in my DMs. Cutlets is in my DMs. I put the whole office onto

them. Who looked in fly-dye for you? I'm the put-on prince. You followed me to the neighborhood. I'm the Earl of Cutlets sandwiches. You're the Curl of Sandwich. What's the Curl? Oh, no. You participated in the Cur of cutlet sandwiches. You're the curl of sandwich. What's the curl? Oh, no, you participated in the curl of sandwich. It was when you were in, it was sophomore year lacrosse,

junior year, strength and conditioning. You couldn't even rep the lightest dumbbell, so they made you curl footlong Italian BMT for sets of eight. Show me your notes. When you finally got 10, they had to add parmesan and the yeah the good the curl of there was italian herbs all over the ymca floor but you got it ready for a dense monster cheese the curl of the curl of uh are you happy with yourself i remember everyone called

the curl of sandwich how could i forget you got 10 you did the italian bmt for for fuck up for 10 the meatball for eight um so i'm the put on no i've put i put you on to different types of music you try to put me you did not put me on to any different types of music you're kidding me you love gray scale you like bearings i like gray scale because of you i like painkiller weather great song yeah like i everyone loves the best song from a popular artist of any genre. They've gotten popular, but I've listened to them way before they were popular. I listened to their live version first. Okay.

How does it go? What do you mean, how does it go? How does it go? You watch live versions. He says, go Eagles. Yeah, they're from Philly. The crowd erupts. They're a PA band.

Yeah, I thought so. Yeah. Did that make you laugh Philly. The crowd erupts. They're a PA band. Yeah. I thought so. Yeah. Did that make you laugh? No. It wasn't funny. But everybody there probably laughed. I hate the way everybody laughs at a lead singer. They have the same leeway as a priest.

Yeah, they do. Yeah. Homilies are the easiest. All they have to do is say something a little out of character it's almost harder to say a joke that they do because it's not a joke well how would you even describe it like singers are just like i don't even i couldn't even do it singers are at least hot yeah successful and talented they're hot priests and yeah it's a powerful position. Subjective. Yeah.

Yeah, sure. I'm like, I'm older. I inherently put you onto things like without even me knowing. That's what you followed me to five. I you follow me to St. Vincent's school. Straw man. What's a straw man? It's a type of straw man.

A lot of arguments. Type of a logical. Okay. Like what? What's the straw man? It's a type of argument. It's a type of a logical fallacy. Okay, but what's the fallacy? I just love saying straw man whenever someone's slightly gaining an edge in a debate. Yeah. Straw man. That doesn't, that does not give you an edge. I'm the put on prince.

It's not, it's not for us to debate. Cause sometimes I don't like clock. I can't log all my put ons. I coined a term this past weekend. You don't like clock. I can't log all my put-ons. I coined a term this past weekend. You don't even know what a put-on is. You were trying to skip a meal so you had a zin and I said zinner time and that's going to take over the frat world by storm.

That's going to take over the frat world by storm. PFT's on it. PFT. Zinner time? The fraternities are going to be in a viral TikTok in three days. They're not going to say zinner time. Oh yeah. Owen. Is anyone going to say Zinner time? Maybe.

No. No one's going to say Zinner time. You like the way it feels coming out of your mouth. No. I can think of a better one in 10 seconds. Go. Zin Wolfhard. Well, yeah, but it's like you're skipping a meal.

And so you're saying Zinner time. But it doesn't sound cool. Cool slang and everything like that. Zin Wolfhard. It doesn't matter how like you're putting a teen boy into your mouth. Wolfhard. But Wolfhard, it doesn't work it doesn't work huckleberry zin walk hog got me walking around like i'm frankenstein yeah zin wolfhard would

work it's cooler than zinner i bet wait a minute i bet you i bet what was i just rapping baby tron who'd you get baby tron did you get it from ib? You don't understand what a put-on person... It doesn't matter who put you on to them. Maresh put you on to Babytron. No, he didn't. Yeah, things can be put on multiple times. You don't go to the original put-er-on. You could put something on. It's kind of like a pyramid scheme.

I put on way more people. People come to me because they know I'm the mouthpiece. No one has ever came... They know I'm the mouthpiece. They know I'm the mouthpiece and they know I can get the word out there. And they know people listen. Because you shoot high volume. I don't. If I speak, you could hear a pin drop.

But you don't put people on to anything. Yes, I do. No, you don't. Yes. You're like a very unique guy. I'll give you that. Congrats. You guys have been burning out that Four Year Strong. What? That's probably your most played song.

Ironic. I've never played that. Wrong. I've never played that. Wrong. Four Year Strong? The band? I know who they are.

I've never listened to them on my own accord. No, I haven't. Show me your Spotify playlist. No, I never. Show me your Spotify. I'm I never. Show me your Spotify. I'm listening to Labyrinth. What's Labyrinth? I put a bump.

Look at this. This is what a put on is. Guys, go listen to Labyrinth. I'll give you two suggestions. I don't want to overwhelm you like Nick did with Four Year Strong. Two suggestions. Forever and Formula. They're very short songs.

Sub two minutes. If you like them them let me know and i guarantee you they will put you on to other things other feelings feelings yeah who put you on the labyrinth was it maresh something low-key also side note here we've before talked about ibm our indian buddy maresh if you see kyle in public with any indian man you can't walk up to him and assume they're maresh this weekend it happened and they got lucky because it was maresh yeah yes but we have other ibs yeah a listener um i was with maresh and she was like are you what i ibm i don't even was like is that

what that's a is that a nick acronym i don't even know i didn't even remember yeah in one ear out the other sure but yeah she was like you're she recognized uh before she saw you before she saw you spoken care she just saw an indian yeah and was like that that could be nicking because like he was i think he was listening to four years strong. I put him on to it. He was. Yeah, I think he's wearing like an Operation Ivy shirt or something in this put me on to headspace. Oh, I could

do that. Yeah, put him on to headspace. Why don't why don't you put him on? Why don't you show me how to do it as like the spearheader of these ad initiatives that we do. You don't need to call it the spearheader. You could just say spearhead. So I'm putting you onto grammar right now. Spearheader is a noun.

So as the spearhead. Why would I say as the spearhead? No. Yeah. No. Yeah, as the spearhead. That's the verb. Spearhead is a noun.

Well, that's the verb. But it's also the noun. What would you call the end of a spear? Why would the verb and the now be the same? You're a spearheader. You spearhead the initiatives. I'm the spearhead. That we do for ads.

I'm the spearhead. And you obviously do a good job at putting people on to the different brands that we use because they're always consistent. Their retainability rate is so high. Yeah. All right. You're getting pretty personal. This is going to fuck with me. So put people onto headspace

luckily i have headspace which is a good app yeah we can both agree upon that there's like seven apps that i love six that i'm okay with five that i'm indifferent with four that i hate what's the four that you hate doesn't matter headspace is one that i actually love yeah that's right because do you ever feel like your mind just doesn't have an off switch? Mm-hmm. Start your year with Headspace, Owen. We say fine when we don't mean it. Fine isn't really an emotion, is it?

How many times have you told yourself you're fine when all you've really felt is anger? Too many. Yeah, tell me about it. Headspace is scientifically proven to help manage your feelings and your mental health. However you're feeling, try Headspace at headspace.com slash story. Get one month free of their entire mindfulness library.

That's the entire mindfulness library. All right? This is the best Headspace offer available. So go to headspace.com slash story today. Headspace.com slash story. Headspace. That's right. Now, Kyle, how'd you like that was my voice calming people just want to listen to me you didn't just people just want to listen agreed but while you're

talking you're not putting them on people want to hear you people love listening to me because i'm a i'm a human i'm human you're. Don't do this. Yeah. Don't do this. It's not black and white. It's not binary. Easy. You're human too. You think everyone is either a human or a dancer?

Human or dancer. That's what Brandon Flowers said. No article. He should be gay. Human or dancer. He should be. Brandon Flowers, the killers, he should be gay. Yeah. Maybe he is.

He's awkward. Yeah, he is yeah he is reminds me of myself why is that introverts how do you know but we're extroverts on stage oh fuck you were an introvert on stage and you're an extrovert off stage okay he's an introvert on stage but he's still loud booming and he's not an introvert he's an introvert on stage but he's still loud booming and he's not an intro he's wearing feathers and he does dress like a matador yeah he's he's awkward he's socially awkward he's an introvert how do you know what has he done publicly he's done a whole solo album he doesn't even have a personal life tab on his wikipedia do you know that no you don't I put you on I can't get past this

I can't get past this yeah oh man I'm going to Wheeling in a couple weekends okay and I'm going to what are you gonna you're gonna

karaoke you're gonna walk what do you mean walk And I'm going to karaoke. You're going to walk. What do you mean walk? You're going to walk to Generations. You're going to walk to Cheddar's. Why would I walk? So you can get the horns, the Nick, and people can scream out KB, Nick. Why would they scream out KB?

I don't know. Maybe, no, because everybody that comes up to me, they're like, I love surviving Barstool. That's when you were your best. I love the fantasy football podcast. That's why you were kicked off. I got kicked off that for Stephen Che and Mince. You didn't want to do it.

No, you're right. But it did kill you. It's only natural. It's only natural. It is only natural. That's OK. No, we have a karaoke bar at home that only. Oh, and it only has the sweat. It only has the song.

Come on, get higher by Matt Nathanson. I don't know if it like the cd is scratched and it only has that but it's a matt nathanson karaoke bar yeah that's incredible come on get higher loosen my lips sexy song and drown me in love good that all right we'll'll do it the drown me in love all right so you you lead into it don't be ironic because it's an it's a it's a sexy line yeah drown me in love so don't try to like say it funny all right you have we have to try okay go start us off you start me no no you start come on get higher how does it go come on get high oh fuck i kicked the camera is that bad uh no it looks fun yeah come. Come on, get higher.

Loosen my lips with faith and desire. Swing your hips. Just to pull me down hard. So pull me down. Wait. Come on, get higher. Loosen your lips with faith and desire. So pull me down hard and drown me in love.

Yeah. Your turn. No, no, no, no. I thought we were all joining you in on drown me in love. Yeah. Your turn. No, no, no, no. I thought we were all joining you in on drown me in love. You do it solo. No. Drown me in love. I can't sing like that.

Do it. I can't. I don't sing. Owen. That live show where everybody was singing the songs we played was a kind of a nightmare for me. You hate that. Yeah. It sucks.

Yeah. a nightmare for me you hate that yeah what it sucks yeah you just gotta like it does suck but you have to like you gotta reach a point where like yeah music is fun but it they were all singing but then i had a microphone that's a whole other element i don't know if you have you ever has nick ever sang no he's never said i've never heard you sing no i've never sang never will no he hasn't i never have never will i never sang. I've never heard you sing. No, I've never sang. Never will. No, he hasn't. I never have, never will. I'm trying to think about if I've even heard you hum.

He's never even sang along to a song. No, I don't. When we were doing One Headlight, watch the clip. I wasn't singing. So what do you do at concerts? I mosh pit. No, you don't.

Yeah, I do. I don't wear my glasses to shows. Okay. No, I don't. Yeah, I do. I don't wear my glasses to shows. Okay. No, I don't mosh pit. I just stand off to the side and cross my arms. You don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy what? Concerts, then.

I don't think I do. You don't? No, you don't. No. Do you even like it? You drug me to one my first weekend in New York City. I drugged. Did not.

I failed at drugging you. You failed at drugging yourself. I did. You tried to drugging yourself. I did. You tried to parachute Molly in a paper towel and you choked on it on the way down. Every, every episode comes back to me doing Molly. Did we talk about that last episode?

I don't know. There's so many examples. My mom tells me every time. Does she listen to this? Yeah. Just the one thing my mom doesn't listen to. She listens to this and she watches weeds on HBO. And they had one episode where the kid does ecstasy and they're like, it's the equivalent of taking an ice cream scoop out of your brain. Is it really?

So that's stuck in your head. And you've done that a lot. No, that was the metaphor. You pressured me into doing it. Really? Mm-hmm. Did you like it? Mm-mm.

Oh, man. Sorry, Jonette. No. No. doing it really did you like it oh man sorry jonette no no kidding mrs bauer call her jonette jonette yeah no she's nice she just she wants the best for you what did you i remember we did we did a rediscovering america video in new England. And there was a line you had because she quoted it back to me. She likes you. She thinks you're good for me. A good partner. Yeah. I've really gotten you out of your show.

Funny guy. Yeah. I've gotten you out of your show. Appreciates what you've done. Yeah. I've turned you into a human being. And you had a quote. And if we could overlay it, that would be all right.

Or I can just find it myself. Did she see that? I'll put it in. I'll put it in right i can do here yeah i made a joke you asked what did you ask me because we were on we were on c so we were all thinking nautically i said if you had a boat what would you name it and i and i really thought in that you didn't even let me think because that's an important decision. Yeah. Naming a boat. Yeah. Because it's like a very expensive significant investment.

It's a huge part of your life. So naming, that's like bigger than naming anything. Yeah. So I was thinking, I was thinking of my interests, my disinterests, my personality traits. And what did you, you cut me off and what did you say? I said, well, what's your mom's name? And I told you.

Yeah. That's a unique name. Yeah. And I thought you knew too. I did. And then what? Coincidentally. Well, you, then you told me what you would name your boat.

Yeah. And what'd you say? I said, Jonah's pussy. Jonah's pussy. And why? Well, it was the dynamics of your, what was the boat like? I said, Jonah's pussy. Jonah's pussy. And why? What was the dynamics of your... What was the boat like? It was a tiny little craft.

It was a tiny little... But it was coincidence. I just chose... I chose a woman's name, and you saying your mom's name, it was fresh in my mind. It was recency, guys. What do you mean by a tiny little boat? Like a pedal boat? No.

Like a raft? No, it was... Like a canoe. It was a seaw boat? Like a pedal boat? No. Like a raft? No, it was a... Like a canoe. It was a seaworthy craft. A kayak? No. One with a motor? Yeah.

Then tell me the exact size of the boat. It was probably... So I can tell my mom. Probably a 30-foot boat. Nick's... I'm saying Nick's naming his boat. She saw that video. She saw it.

I know, she saw it. What did she say? She's like, you guys, especially especially nick you're funny on your own you don't have to be that explicit we do we do yeah and we're not we're not funny we need we need to i mean today on i I have been so unable to make jokes. I faked an ingrown toenail just to. You did fake it. Yeah. You were digging for nothing. Yeah.

Just to put up with. In here. I think you got a pedicure before it because you, it was like, Nick is going to. They were soft. Nick has got, this is this big thing. Nick's going to like just remove an ingrown toenail with scalpels and medical equipment on the yak live everyone's like ooh gross that's gonna be the most disgusting thing ever you reveal your foot it's perfect no it was actually ingrown um yeah you were in pain

I was in a lot of pain but I would rather do that than try to think of a joke because I've just run out and people are digging into my foot and I'm just in there being naturally in pain. And everybody's like, Nick's hilarious, man. People were like, that's the funniest episode. And that's the funniest you've ever been. Yeah. And it feels bad. Yeah.

But good. Because it was a freebie day for me. Right. No, I think it's a huge advantage. All I had to do was be me, and that was just a man in pain. And they were just like, wow, Nick was otherworldly funny today.

Yeah. Only he would hurt when somebody who's never done surgery is digging into his body. Yeah. I mean, it was funny. I guess, yeah. Yeah, it's either we're explicit or harm ourselves. And that's all those videos have been. Yeah. I mean, it was funny. I guess. Yeah. So I, yeah, it's either we're explicit or harm ourselves.

And that's all those videos have been. Yeah. People were like the, the funny, they're like, I listen to your podcasts. I like your stuff. Kind of. I like your stuff. When you wrestled that alligator, I was on the floor. Yeah.

When you got to do that again, when the floor of that porta potty came out, when you guys were going, or yeah, that was the favorite myself. Any, anybody could have done. Yes. Anybody. And then I have that realization.

Like the funniest I've ever been. The top five times were things that you could have replaced me with any human. Yep. And the same thing would have happened. Um, the highlights are KB pierced his own ear. Yeah. You know, we wrecked the outhouse.

Yeah. They stuck their hands in a cow's ass. Yeah. Anybody could do it. Anybody. Anybody could do it. That was foul. That was the first thing we did on that trip.

That was the first sponsored trip. We get there and it just smells like shit. And I had that rental mink coat. And that thing traps smell so I smelled like fucking ass for that whole week that was hell and it was freezing smell

you smell like fucking ass okay yeah because it wasn't ass but it was it was like you know a fucked ass yeah so it was a little bit air more air flow, I guess. Yeah.

Um, KB, I'm going to grab a drink. Can you go do the hello fresh ad? Are we going into an ad right now? Or we just come out of one? We're going into one. KB, I'm going to grab a drink. Can you go do the HelloFresh ad? Are we going into an ad right now or are we just coming out of one? We're going into one. KB, I'm going to grab a drink.

When I get back, the HelloFresh ad better be done. Okay. Do you need a drink? No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Put me on, Kyle. He's so bad at putting between you and me he's so bad at putting on oh my god he can't even put me on to like being independent from him and advancing my career as an individual like i had the he gave

me the opportunity to like do the ad on my own be myself flex my own like unique personality traits and ability to read ads and you can't i still i'm not gonna do that he's incapable no he doesn't put me onto shit he does no the thing is like he is a very very funny guy extremely talented in like intelligent as hell he's never persuaded me to do anything he's never persuaded he's biblically he's good at like acting independently he can't affect others but you know what ken hello fresh hello Fresh is a farm fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipe

I don't really feel like doing this we'll just wait for them if it's so many words onto such a small sheet alright perfect timing Such a small sheet. All right. Ad done?

Perfect timing. Yep. How do you do? Perfect. No, perfect timing. We're just about to get into that HelloFresh ad. What? Yeah. Correct me if I'm wrong.

You tried to encourage me to do this ad. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't. No, you didn't. It would probably be good for me to like start doing ads by myself. Yeah, probably. Start talking more on my own. Yeah.

But you still couldn't persuade me to do that. I could put you on. I wonder why. I'm. That would be nothing but advantageous to me. And I still didn't do it. Why didn't you? Are you rebelling?

Is this to prove a point? I didn't feel like it. You didn't persuade me. You didn't put me on. I shouldn't have to put you on for that. That's not something I should have to put you on to. I just gave you a rookie mode put on attempt. And you failed.

I'm not doing it. That was so easy of a put on and you still couldn't unlock it. You're shooting yourself in the foot. Not only are you not the put on prince, you're letting other men dissect your foot and give you an

inevitable infection. Yeah. Yeah, it's hurting really bad. Luckily, I get to go home and have a delicious dinner. Look at that. Am I the only adult in the fucking room? Am I?

No. Kyle? Don't use Zinner ironically. Just let's see if anyone ever uses it. Sometimes I don't want nicotine for dinner. Sometimes I skip Zinner. Sometimes I skip Zinner time. You cut the three milligram in half because it makes you nauseous.

Thinking like just decreasing the size would also decrease the potency. So you've never done Zinner, Tom. I didn't even finish it. You said Zinner. I said Zinner. Zinner sucks. Zinner rules. It sounds like the last name

of a kid named Tyler with a mohawk. Yeah, it does. Tyler Zinner. He played baseball, but not that good. He was a little too punk to play. Yeah.

He was just fast. Real fast. But not in an athletic way. No, he ran weird, but not good. He was a little too punk to play. Yeah. He was just fast. Real fast. Yeah. But like not in like an athletic way. No, like he ran weird, but it was fast. He could not be fast in sports, but he was fast when you were like, we're playing. Playing what? Playing blackout.

I couldn't think of the word tag. I was like, what the fuck is the name of that? What were some of the options that were running through? Rundown. Nothing but. The Rundown, man. You got Barstool Brain. You got Barstool Brain.

Barstool Brain. You got Dozen Brain. George Zinnerman. George Zinnerman. You like that? That's better than Zinner Time. Zinner Time. That that's gonna blow up when like when frat dudes are like they're gonna be like zinner time and they're gonna like ring a dinner

bell like a fake dinner bell that's gonna be like the thing they do with their hands zinner time oh it's gonna explode dude you're gonna be fucking pissed oh it's gonna be the old row store in like a month no i was just on. No, I was just on the Chive. You were just on the Chive? When you were supposed to be doing the HelloFresh ad, you were on the Chive? Oh, you thought I was browsing the Chive. No, I was featured on the Chive. I was featured on the Chive. I was featured on the Chive just now or yesterday.

For what? An old tweet about your parents getting divorced or something? Yeah. Oh. It's old news. Something you fabricated. what? An old tweet about your parents getting divorced or something? Yeah. Oh. It's old news. Something you fabricated. What were you saying? People are going to like chant about Zinnertime? No, no. It's going to be like they're

holding like one of those triangle, like a dinner bell. You think college kids are going to do that? They're not going to actually have it, but like, you know, when like this or like this, it's going to be the next one. Zinnertime. It's going to do that. They're not going to actually have it, but you know when like this or like this, it's going to be the next one. It's dinner time. It's going to blow up.

Owen, come on. I remember after WVU beat, I forget who they beat, but it was one of the wins that everyone was out burning the couches. Baylor or Oklahoma State maybe? And I'm Schmacked was there. Oh, yeah. You thought it would be funny to get in the background

of kids, drunk kids burning a couch and burn a leaf with a magnifying glass. Yeah, that's funny. That is. That's really funny. It's fake. It's funny. I thought of it myself.

No, that's really funny of me. Nick, that's hilarious. Yeah, man. Thanks. Thanks, Kyle. It is funny. You Nick, that's hilarious. Yeah, man, thanks. Thanks, Kyle. It is funny. You've always been goofing. Oh, yeah, forever. Pretty much forever. He might have put you on to making people laugh. Mm-hmm.

You just had his fart. I did. That's all you did. I would fart. That's what got you started in trying to do comedy. No. You were loved having... I remember whenever someone was playing guitar on campus or doing a song, a musical performance,

I would go up and I would save a fart and fart and then guaranteed laughs, uproar. And I would... And what's the longest you ever saved a fart? When I... Saved a fart? Saved a fart. Saved a fart. And then I would wear crutches in the cafeteria and like purposely like slip

and fall you in college in call. Yeah. And like freshman, sophomore year and people would laugh. People that I was the most laughs I've ever gotten in my life. Would you go across campus with the same fart in your ass? How long would you want to fart in your ass? That's easy to do.

Yeah. But like, I don't think it's the same fart. Like if you hold a fart, it just kind of dissipates. It's funny. Yeah. It's not the same fart you're holding all day. No, but like I, when you have a, when you have something in your stomach, you know,

like you can fart at any given moment. Especially when you have Brussels sprouts from HelloFresh. Good. Yeah. No, that was just a, I'm just speaking. I wasn't trying to, I'm trying to integrate the fuck out of this thing you know pre-portioned ingredient brussels sprout meal that they deliver right to your door 72 cheaper than a restaurant over 65 you can save over 65 a month that's insane kyle

50 menu and market items to choose from flexibility what's your what's your personal experience that you've had with hello fresh let me just pick that i'm gonna try like an avant-garde style of like doing an ad read yeah yeah i don't use uber eats twice a day jesus delivery yeah to the office or my apartment you uber eats subway yesterday that you live next to $16 plus delivery fee plus tip $30 meal $30 meal twice a day, 60 a day, 60 times 30, $500. If I used Uber Eats or if I used HelloFresh, which I will this upcoming month, forthcoming, that's the next month, not the fourth month from now. Yeah.

I would save over 60 bucks. So they're being humble. Forthcoming is... Nah, never mind. Nah, never mind. That's my... Nah. Anyways, that was a good personal experience, Kyle.

Imagine if you had $500 to pay for rent or internet so you could get out of my hallway well now you can save money by going to hellofresh.com slash story 16 and use code story 16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts what the three gifts are we don't know it's america's number one meal kit 16 free meals i did i do the math a week's worth how did i get to 500 dollars you did 60 a day times 30 days in a month it's supposed to be like 180 yeah you got to 500 60 times 30 You spend $1,800 a month? No, no.

That's what it is. If I did do that, it would be $1,800. You do. Uber eats a lot. No, I don't. This is the thing you're most nervous about your mom hearing. Yeah. Which shouldn't be a thing.

Clip that, clip that. That's the face when you don't have how i how i do my job i have to think in the back of my head no i don't i don't do that yeah you do i can't admit to doing that and the mall okay which one are you picking well i don't do either what would be funnier um sorry i'm low energy boys no you're good so am i that was a whole night fucking

we speculated i was with you you have have been fucking. Quick defense. Yeah. We were at the office till midnight. Oh my god. That's the impatience of a man who's been fucking. Please. I bet she doesn't make you say that, does she? What's she? I don't know, whatever. I'm so good at roasting. Nick's afraid to like fuck because he's afraid of how I would roast him.

That implies, that sounds like I'm fucking you. I'm that good. Not speaking of HelloFresh, did you see that guy that tweeted to Dave Portnoy? He was like, well, if my girlfriend's having sex dreams with a celebrity, it better be with the Barstool crew. Wait, wait, wait. That poor broken boy. So the tweet is a screenshot that he got from his girlfriend. Yeah. She said, I had an hour-long sex dream about stool

presidente that's a sex nap first of all she is she like you can say like an hour an hour-long sex dream that's not all of her dream was dedicated to being fucked by him yeah i know you're the opposite ha ha ha d Dave Portnoy. Yep. Imagine your girl. I would say it. All right. She said, I just had an hour long sex dream about

stool Presidente. Then I've been having so many sex dreams. It's unreal. This is what she said to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend. No, an hour long

is, oh, that's like the longest dream ever. And dreams are like 13 seconds. That's what I'm saying that's what no i know that's what i'm saying she had an hour long how did she know that's hard uh yeah then his he was stoked on it he was ecstatic was ha ha ha ha dave portnoy and she yep. He had a huge cock. And then his response is, I'm tweeting this.

All lowercase. Like he owned her. No, like he won the jackpot. Then she said there was no penetration. Yeah, so there was no penetration. How is it a sex dream? What were you doing with that huge cock then? It was an hour long sex dream. no penetration. What? How is it a sex dream? What were you doing with that huge cock then? I said hour long sex dream.

No penitent. I think she was like trying to save herself in the screenshot. Yeah, probably. Yeah, she had to have been. Which doesn't make sense. In the caption, he tweeted this. To Dave. Voluntarily.

He got that. Instead of a triple. I would have killed myself, her and him. Dave. Voluntarily, he got that. Instead of a triple, I would have killed myself, her and him. Dave. Yeah. That's just the girlfriend.

You would have to do the triple. That just I hate women. That put me off of women so much. I love I love women's shape and their pussy. But like

yeah, like if I ever got close enough with a girl where she could do that, I had an hour-long sex stream, and then said who, and then said he had a huge cock. And then he was happy. And then he tweeted this at Dave, and it

says, well, if my girlfriend's having sex streams with celebrities, it better be with the Barstool crew. Barstool crew implies that it better have been with... It could have been with Spider and Big T and me. If his girlfriend's going to have a sex

stream, he wants her to be getting trained and run on her by... Rather than a wealthy, classy celebrity, I want it to be with KB on her by rather than a wealthy you know classy celebrity i want it to be with kb no swag go fuck it okay yeah i want my girlfriend a smaller cock in a smaller apartment and we're sex we're we're a stroke game but i get i get i get that would get that it's all like whatever like imagine like oh i'd be well if my girlfriend's having sex dreams with celebrities it better be with like with Nick and White Sox Dave I don't know what he's getting at there

is he does it make him feel bad I mean I'm trying to justify this you get an open relationship yeah is he like lobbing that up? I don't know. He doesn't give a fuck, which means they're probably in like what?

An open relationship? That or he's just like just a cool ass dude. No, he's not. Nah, he sucks. No, he's not a cool guy at all. I don't know, I was just testing you. You could have been convinced that that was a cool move. If like he doesn't care that much.

I'd be mad. Don't tell me if you have a sex dream of somebody who has a huge cock. Like that dude is the most laid back dude ever. Also, I can't I, I can never remember my own dreams. And she remembers the size, girth, and veins of Dave's cock. Big, yeah. Hour?

What? Oh, yeah. It's almost worse if she was, like, no one's ever had an hour dream about any one particular thing. An hour dream without penetration. So in dream time that's yeah 12 hours that's so which makes me think that she's lying which is even worse or some sort of tantric foreplay she's trying to like she's at the last straw of her relationship she's

trying to like get him angry and he just pulled out the last straw yep and he's still he not only did he not he was he was not just okay with it he was like i want to tell everyone about this they probably broke her she was trying to start a breakup and she got like proposed no no i think she was she couldn't even anger this man she wanted him to show an ounce that he cared which would make him like the coolest guy see she wants him to feel anything toward her he just thought that was funny yeah he laughed he thought that was he laughed and she was like oh fuck she scrambled and then he probably like he probably fucked her in her pussy and came inside of her right after that you think without care yeah yeah it's like yeah i don't give a fuck i

would hold it she probably is yeah she's probably like attracted to that. There's like it's a horseshoe theory. What's the horseshoe? What's one side of the horseshoe? I don't know. I don't even know what that means. Straw man. Yeah.

Placebo. Murphy's Law. It's Murphy's Law. The greenhouse effect. One of the greenhouse effect is very obvious what that is. No, you're Mandela affecting yourself. Oh, fuck. I'm baron steen bearing shazam starring sinbad um kyle last ad we have four ad sets we're doing really well

we trimmed them down i think after today we trimmed them down stand up those are bird dogs you're wearing yeah that's a good, that's a big name sponsor. You're mobile in them. Damn. Do your dance. Can't do those in regular slacks, can you? No, they're actually awesome. Are they?

What do you like about them? They fit perfectly. Your legs look fire in them. Yeah. They're comfortable. They have built- in them. Yeah. They're comfortable. And they have built-in underwear. Do you have underwear on? Don't need to.

Right, because it's built-in. I do, but I don't need to. You doubled up, didn't you? I did, yes. You're probably all ads. That's the thing with bird dogs. You can do either or. Or you could just lie for the ad, Kyle.

You could. Bird dogs now makes joggers. I like the shorts that have the built-in underwear, and the underwear has a pocket in the side for mints or something. Owen, you have the khakis. Love them. You wore those to a dinner party two days ago? Yeah.

Look like khakis, feel like sweats. Best of both worlds. Best of both worlds. You go to birddogs.com and use promo code ANUS, A-N-U-S, and they'll throw in a free Bird Dogs whistle football. You remember the Nerf Vortex Howler footballs that whistle when you throw them? That's that. It's the best for tailgates.

That's birddogs.com, promo code ANUS, and boom, a free Bird Dogs football with a pair of Bird Dogs. You will not take these things off. Look at Kyle. Stand up one more time you look really good man you're good oh and you put me on to uh the song morning side yeah by pine pine grove pine grove yeah great song You didn't even tell me. You indirectly did. How do you do it indirectly? I just put it on my story. Me and Owen like that move.

That's what I'm most interested in. That's what I want you to put on your story. Remember, you talked shit on it. Yeah, I did talk shit on it. I've never looked at somebody's story and was like, I'm going to go listen to that song. It works on me. If I respect the person's story, I'm watching. I'll throw a song up. I'm afraid to put too to that song. It works on me. If I respect the person's story, I'm watching. All right, I'll try it.

I'll throw a song up. I'm afraid to put too many people on. Put people on. The thing is, then I become less unique. The put-on prince wouldn't be afraid. The more I put people on, the less unique I become. The prince isn't afraid to drown. Put-on prince is, I'm using a plural,

like it's a proper noun, I'm the put-on prince. But the put-on prince wouldn't care about that. Because he knows that there's going to be a lot of people who aren't put on by what he puts on then you're not really the put on prince if there's not a lot it's also on it doesn't matter about who isn't put on it's the put on prince also he's so busy putting other people on it's hard to put him onto stuff wi-fi quitting kratom you put a lot you put a lot of kids on Kratom. I was wondering.

I played in Wonders for Kratom. Yeah. There's probably so many people who are like, I have to at least try this now. Are you still doing it? Yeah. Are you actually?

No. It's at a point where I can't even like, I lying because i'm embarrassed it's not even funny yeah you're are you addicted no are you lying no do you have some on you right now no have you done some in the past week yeah did you do something yesterday like yesterday or like does that include like the morning yeah sure and yeah you do it today no this podcast is and you guys are listening that's your reply to what I'm gonna say no you're just gonna say like

no that's a new untold story hey is that story old or told no baby it's a new untold story Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby! It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. Bye.