A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 292 - WeeeeOhhhWeeeOohhWee

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

|| A New Untold Story: Ep. 292 - WeeeeOhhhWeeeOohhWee || Bobby Valentino is the automobile ad lib king, KB calls a random listener who has his number and it backfires, Tommy Smokes can no longer think on company time, KB is soon to homeless, Nick's new shoes are a fashion statement, and a bunch of more stuff happens during this episode. Enjoy.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story, episode 292. Is that chair going to be in front of the camera? I think we should. Yeah, I think Kyle pushed it in front of there.

Wait, what? Yeah, we have a sick Owen. Why would you even say that? Because it is so on, the comment does nothing. It solves nothing. Maybe I accidentally did push it in front of the camera and you can see a little bit of its fucking arm or head. Yeah, head.

What would you call the top of it? Chairs and tables have legs. Chairs have arms. There's no head. Then what is the top that extends above the arms? I'd say that's the back, Kyle. Also a body part. I mean, if you look at it straightforward, it looks much more

like a head than one back without a front. What's a back without a front? What part of the body goes... What is a back without a front? You can't just have a solo back. Yeah, there is a front back and a back back.

What part of the body touches that chair, fucking moron? What part of the body touches the arms, fucking moron? Now. You think it's like a one of one of one of one, like the comparison. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. New Untold Story 2.

92. 92. We have Tyler in here today. Tyler's here. Tyler. Tyler is our videographer. Tyler isn't the baby boy. He's not the baby boy.

By any means. He's a boy who was once a baby. He is not the baby boy. But he was a baby for a very short amount of time. Tyler, you are the nicest person I know. Yeah. And I'm still disgusted that I have to look at you

instead of Owen. Tyler is at Biden's seat. He just laughed and shook it off. Damn, man. The last time I sat in for Owen was for Boy Dad. Dude, this shit is morbid, dude. They came for my head for Boy Dad last year. On Boy Dad?

This is like morbid. Wait, the Boy Dad fans are assassin Rowan. Boy Dad fans, brother. They wanted Owen. No, they wanted me. They wanted Owen back, so I'm hoping there's a little... Does Owen talk on Boy Dad? Wait, Boy Dad is caping for you?

No, no, they hated Tyler. Oh, so everyone... It's a blanket... Granted, I think our fan base are very similar, a fan. Oh, so everyone, everyone, it's a blanket sip. Granted, I think our fan base are very similar, but for some reason, the anus boys are, as long as you're white, a very accepting bunch. And I passed that box. You passed that. Yeah, yeah, you did.

You work with a million dollars worth of game. First off, don't, do love, cape for Tyler. Yes, you should. Tyler, what? You were on a million dollars worth of game and now you're on a million dollars worth of game is arguably the biggest podcast in the category. In what's the category, Kyle? I think a million dollars worth of game is the number one music podcast in the world. You were the voice on social. They are the Meek Mill podcast.

Sans one word. They have a gigantic team. They just came in here with 20 plus people. Like a fucking water polo. Like a fucking rowing team go to like any ivy league school with a rowing team and you will scroll for hours yeah their rosters are so big yes that's what i do for fun but okay now your role was to to do social for the million dollars worth of game yeah i would just like tweeting and tweeting and quoting uh

quoting them what they said on the podcast verbatim to an extent verbatim now they you had a one word google doc where you could copy and paste it because you weren't you said you didn't feel comfortable typing it they do they use the n word frequently it's like we use um yeah honestly to be honest i had to cut it out way more for tiktok and they said it like every other word you can't say it on tiktok no you can't say sex i just learned this you can't say sex or orgasms online or on tiktok yeah you have to say segs or like use a zero like not just one because they will detect it use multiple zeros for the org. What? And then like the porn star on it.

You can't say porn star on TikTok. You can't say porn. They use the porn emoji. Because it rhymes. But there's also a horn. That is... Yeah. I don't know.

But if you look into it, I have seven-year-old cousins or nephews and nieces who are just they that's all they do but like how you we talked before this you told me my algorithm does not have tiktok you are a pedophile as because the vast majority of their audience are our kids are like 14 and under kids my life just go off yeah kb just went up crazy and Went up? KB just went up and mine cut? Yeah, I don't know how. Did you do this? How did you move that fucking chair? Seems like we're fine.

All right, we're back. Small technical issue, but now's a perfect time to talk about game time, Kyle. You like that app? They're hooking people up. They're hooking internally. Yeah, what's up? What's up, man? They're hooking internally. Yeah, what's up? What's up, man? They're hooking.

What's GameTime doing? Can you start from the top? Kyle, GameTime app. GameTime app is revolutionizing the way you buy tickets and the way you experience events that involve buying tickets for they crack the code on how to score last minute deals you know that and i remember when they cracked it yeah where were you it was it wasn't even an aha moment because they knew they were going to it was more of just like a nary a eureka not even a eureka. Imagine solving something with like that you've been working hard on.

Somebody next to you said eureka. Eureka. It's like the crossword clue. Eureka. It's always eureka exclamation. And they just need an AHA. Yeah. They don't care about that.

Yeah. I mean, they could. I mean, that's that sucks. They could say the take on me band. Isn't that a band called? Uh huh. It sounds like something, you know, already you accuse me of doing this too so i'm gonna accuse you back you knew that was the band yeah are you talking about abba no i'm talking about uh-huh you know anyways you guys can get 20 off your first purchase if you download the game time

app uh create a login you redeem the code untold 20 off tickets for with how cheap these are they're practically free tickets we're getting these like for free we are plenty balls is going to playoff games for you i think you got a dm from game time game time uh so i was going to go to the pens game here and they're like all you have to do is tweet and i was like and tickets were that's how little we want to tweet. Yeah. That's bad. That's real bad. Let's go to a fucking playoff game. What else? No, but like, I don't know.

I have fun at games. Sounded like Bobby Valentino in the stands. What? I'm having so much fun. Bobby Valentino did acapella, an ambulance siren. Um, and he got away with it.

It was crazy. It was during like little Wayne's miss officer, biggest run. I've been on a big miss officer. Do we know anything about Bobby Valentino? Other than that? I feel, I mean,

I'm sure bad for Bobby Valentino because that's probably what he's known for. Tyler, you worked on a million dollars worth of game. Would they say yes to Bobby Valentino wanted to talk? I don't know who he is. OK, yeah. Finish. Well, Tyler works for a million dollars worth of game.

Yeah. The gist is that he has to quote them in social and he has to tweet the N word sometimes. And it's like saying it if you just type it out so you don't type it out you just copy and paste it from like the wikipedia page for the n-word which does that exist i don't have a controversy tab i don't know it's just they have like an early and like imagine the guy that like wrote that. Like imagine if it was his first day as an editor. I'm just assuming there.

I want that link to remain purple. I mean, blue. There's Wikipedia pages for so many things like us, like spring ball, Arizona League baseball players. There is one for the N word. Don't look it up. I'm searching.'m i'm being oh lo and behold you know it does the title isn't the n-word no i searched the n-word that wiki and it it it said did you mean on the top of google so you didn't say did you mean

so yeah you copy and paste it from wikipedia imagine clicking the i'm feeling lucky tab on wikipedia the random article that's your first one They have to have some sort of code in place where that doesn't happen. Yeah, I didn't really dive too deep into it. I avoided using it. So you had to tweet and write captions for Instagram based on Wallow and Gilly's quotes. So oftentimes, or at least sometimes, they involve the derogatory slur, the N-word. They involved the derogatory slur, the N word. So you didn't feel morally correct in typing that out yourself using the QWERTY method or pecking.

Yeah, we had an Excel sheet. So you had to – what was your method? Excel, coffee, paste. Here's what I would do. This is – This isn't – No, here's what I would do. I would have the wrong letter in between every one and then hit the arrow keys and delete so you never type it straight and that's just the

final product on there you treat everything like a like a convoluted mensa puzzle though i would i would i would type it out but i would have to i would like to be told I could, I would like to be granted permission. Yeah. I was never given the, I think I have to make a phone call. Did you do it from your phone? See,

to be fair, none of our captions included it, but, uh, yeah, I would post from my phone, Edwin, like you guys.

So like now your phone, like it's smart. Correct. Is always, you're slinging that thing around. I cannot type in certain words. That's how the correct got me. Now I'm working on the fellas.

I'm not doing them anymore. You're working on the what? He's working with us. So we're the fellas and they're the what? Bobby. I don't know anything about Bobby Valentine. I know that about him I feel bad for him

he hopped he was granted the opportunity to hop on a Lil Wayne track during the peak of Lil Wayne that he but he had to he had to voice yeah you just have to sound like a siren which sucks because I'd imagine

he told his whole family he was on this wayne record or a rapper at the time sure um just just really honing his craft really honing his craft working on his bars his lyricism gets a call from mr carter yeah is that his name dwayne carter um dwayne carter's like what's up slime so? So here's the thing. I hate complimenting you. You do the best, Lil Wayne. So I'll be Bobby Valentino. And you be Lil Wayne. He was in his iridescent glow-in-the-dark male Ugg boots.

He was like, what's up, slime? I lost it. I don't think they were saying slime back then. I think he was. I think Dwayne was saying slime. Well, no, we'll have you pause and Tyler will copy and paste. Okay. I don't know either way Bobby Valentino was probably ecstatic to tell his parents and family and friends that he was on a little Wayne track and then they pick it up they're like oh yeah you're like your lyricism's been crazy like that your last how many bars how many bars Bobby

well how many bars is that one extended that is an iep ass name what bobby valentino iep like uh extra time so you think like by standardized do you think you wrote it down bobby val what's his real name robert that is his real name? Robert. That is his real name. Oh, I just pulled up. Just opened up Safari. What a shock that was. I remember I Bobby Valentino'd you. It was in 2010.

What did you mean? What did you mean? I robbed your Valentine. Stole it right from you. And it was on the day. On Valentine's Day? Yeah. Bobby Marcel Wilson.

Yeah. I think he's just Bobby V now not cool no good for him but yeah but I think that song had to have been his biggest hit right so I think do you think he was trying to get on other tracks doing different car sounds

like of a boat hoping Lil Wayne writes a song about a cruise liner little wayne drops a song about a jalopy a fucking doozin bird what is it we need valentino he's the best yeah dude he just sounds like every automobile what are you looking at kyle what's up it's my phone's on is always on one or two percent yes this is an iphone 13 i got you don't sacrifice everything i liked about the iphone 7 to get this you don't charge your phone ability it doesn't fucking matter yes it does you don't fucking charge your phone

when was the last time you charged? All of my texts are still coming up from my email. That's bad. It's like K-Bow and some numbers. No, we said it fully on the Chicago episode. Oh, have you? Yes, you doxed me because all they need is the email address and they know it. Have you gotten emails?

Yes, the most annoying part about it because they all found out my fucking Apple ID code and they can all text me now. The most annoying part about it is that it's not that annoying and it's kind of fun to have people like reach out to me. You can you can ignore emails pretty easily. I'm at such a low level of popularity where I can release my phone number on a show hosted by big cat and in that make my life easier yeah it just dies down after a day no it's not even that it's like i still get like three every once in a while and it just like makes me happy what are some emails

you've gotten texts oh really texts call one of them yeah let me do that yeah definitely hey it's k bow hey man sorry i've been been texting they're probably like not gonna fuck with you at all uncool dude have you been getting a lot i wasn't even thinking yeah so yeah i don't even i also got a new number and i was like is this like a number that I that didn't get saved but no it's always let me call one A-OK bow yeah they don't fuck with you at all i think we keep going till we get one what were the digits behind k-bow the digits yeah because you're not just k-bow at gmail

it's 20 it's just k-Bow at Gmail. It's 20. It's just K-Bow 20? Barry Sanders number. My, uh... Who's this? What? Tiffany is... Bowles? Tiffany Bowles? This is a number I don't have saved.

Pick it up. Wait, really? Yo. Yo. This is KB. Yeah, what's up? Who's Tiffany? Who? Tiffany. yo this is kb yeah what's up who's tiffany tiffany your number is coming up as tiffany bowls

forget about it what what it's a long story when i got this number i got texts all the time saying where's tiffany so yeah i'm in the same boat because it comes up as my email address instead of my number or the contact they have. Yeah, it's really annoying. It's the previous number used to be Tiffany's. That shit is so fucking annoying because now people just keep assuming that's you. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Yeah, yeah.

Wait, so why'd you, why'd you call me? Wait, did you call me? No. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah, it is me. What, what are you been up to? Chilling, man. I want to disclosure on Saturday.

Were you in Brooklyn? What did I, did I text you or something? I don't, is this the number I, yeah. Who did you just call Kyle? My bad.

KB, what's going on, man? I don't know this is not a good look for you man yeah it's not at all I know I'm driving I gotta call from KB

what were you doing I'm driving how do you know me yeah okay yeah so this dude does not look with you at all it looks awful for you i have been failing but i thought that you texted me there he is oh thank you tiff is backfired j Jesus Christ. Your name is Tiffany. You're bought by Tiffany Bowles.

So I thought you were going to hype me up. I thought you were going to be starstruck that I called you. I think I'm more confused than starstruck. Yeah. I thought I was going to give you like a Rob Gronkowski as the secret Uber driver. Nick's going to talk to you. I don't. Yo, it's Nicky.

What's up, boy? What's up, man? Are you freaking out right now? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah, you are. All right, man. I just thought I'd pop in, say hey.

Anyway, here's Kyle. I guess you can just hang up on him. You just. You there? there oh your phone died dude that guy that guy just fucks with you to fuck with you pathetic start to finish on my end and he just killed it yeah he was just he wasn't even like he was just like disappointed i think he was like he sounded like he was embarrassed he sounded like he was expecting your call this guy fucking was texting me multiple times during the yak about like and they confused the not excited at all no not at all what are we just thinking right now? He was just, he was embarrassed.

I don't think, I think he's probably forgotten about this already. He just forgot about it, but in the moment he was like, I'm like, kind of like, hey man, like, you good? I'm driving. Can this wait? He said I was stacking hell? You've been. That was bad. Yeah, that was, I don't know what I was going for. I just think it's always like, when my number

leaked and I was getting all those FaceTimes, I picked him up and they're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, I getting all this FaceTime, I picked him up. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I assumed he was going to be like embarrassed and like, oh, fuck, because you're probably on air in some manner. He didn't care. He probably heard that we were on air. It's still this is not a live podcast. Like, what is the what am I even going for?

Because this is like that is the ceiling just to get guys like that who like like who will give you number views and clicks and subscribers but don't give a fuck about what is the end goal there is none yeah i mean things have been grim around the office people have gone left on their own accord or not uh shows have been canceled shows that we've been on but you know who should be down the worst there was a slide of all the canceled shows or the shows that we've been on, but you know who should be down the worst. There was a slide of all the canceled shows or the shows that not canceled, but are losing production. It's always nice to be get a, like a concise list of what,

who has failed and what has failed. Yeah. It's, but did you see what was on that list? We were on Marshall shopping network was on it. Yes. Whatever. It was an ad that,

that has been transferred to be a part of another show yeah we're fine don't bigger show yeah we're fine there was other there are other podcasts that unfortunately you should feel worse for them yeah but there was there was there was one that has not been there was one show that got in the public email to our entire company. It was listed as getting canceled. And I always say this before a lie, but this is 100% true. Yeah, this is. Do you know, did you get this email of the shows they were trying to cancel? That they think should, the shows that don't, that should not have production help anymore. They're basically like, yeah, like the production, like that's a that's a salary on top of a workload.

If you're not doing the numbers to reflect upon deserving a production team or one producer, then you're out, which is fair in a sense. But yeah, what got canceled? Tommy's Thursday thoughts. Tommy's Thursday thoughts was a segment in which, it was a Twitter segment in which Tommy filmed himself just giving humorous opinions and that was it. They cancelled his thoughts. They cancelled his

thoughts. It had no production team. It was like, you can't tweet this anymore. And we saw that on there. They cancelled his thoughts. We sit in Tommy's row and when i got the email i was like tommy check the email and he opened it was like and i was like he didn't and i i couldn't ask him his opinion because those have been canceled yeah his yeah his no his head spasmed

because he couldn't even think he wasn't well he can't think work said he's not allowed to his thoughts can so we're looking at things that are just a waste of complete time. And Tommy. Tommy's free will. Tommy's ability to be a human being in any way. The one thing that makes him human. So hold on. I'm going to call him. Please call him. Smokes, you're on a new untold story.

It's a podcast at Barstool for now oh what's up brothers hey man we're talking about like the slide deck that had all the canceled shows on it and i'm sorry about short porch not being canceled but losing the production help hope you guys managed to keep that coming out but uh you didn't lose anything else in that did you um you know there was a slide that was making the rounds that may have had Tommy's Thursday thoughts on it. Okay, but it wasn't like a different slide. It was just lumped in. It was in the middle.

It was that have producers and cost money. Yeah, it was right in on the middle, which is a show that I stopped doing three months ago on my own accord. And I filmed with just my iPhone, which I think is what we're supposed to be doing. Yeah, right. But they just didn't want you to really think anymore, right? They just thought that was costing the company a little too much. That was hemorrhaging money from the company. Your brain was hemorrhaging in, I guess, a pretty bad way, but not the worst way. My phone bill, I think, of posting.

Right, right. Because we do get our phone comped that was it right i have unlimited data so i think it's sort of a nod to maybe go down to a lesser data right just maybe a few megabytes a month yeah and like i can't think as much anymore they really wanted to shut down my thinking yeah exactly they did tommy that's a huge insult no that's fine at least you don't look unfuckable in a hat my thinking was sinking the company money one day a week yeah uh this company's been around for like 20 some years now and the one thing that's going to bring it down is tommy's free will yes my thoughts uh on one one out of seven days a week yeah man yeah but no it was a good run uh enjoy not thinking

uh you know it's gonna be great i'm gonna live uh just like a like a big old dummy with nothing on my mind all right man maybe maybe i'll do tuesday thoughts tuesday thoughts weren't maybe the day of the week was the problem. Oh, that could have been it. It's not the thoughts. It's the day. There's a lot going on on Thursdays. The week Thursday is a busy content day. Makes sense.

All right. All right, Tommy. See ya. I love you guys. Yeah. I almost said it back. You did. That was...

Wow. Like a podcast lobotomy. Yeah. Kyle. Kyle. wow like a podcast lobotomy yeah um kyle all that making fun of somebody is made me really hungry we hello fresh today we are lucky guess what are your thoughts on hello fresh um you just you you ordered three months worth of the couscous accidentally You ordered three months worth of the couscous accidentally. 4X'd it. You 4X'd it.

And it's not... I don't want to throw anybody under the bus. It's kind of easy to accidentally 4X it on the app, which I think it's under maintenance. But you ate all the couscous still, did you not? Not at once. Yeah, but you made it. couscous still did you not not at once yeah but you fit you made it like in a row that's right without breaking you were happy because it was 72 cheaper than a restaurant's it honestly is and i don't fucking get like don't dm me about like is hello fresh actually worth it um love you big fan love the podcast i just want your genuine opinion stop doing that you're so fucking annoying

just get the hello fresh try a month i think there's a try no don't even do the trial just get it yeah just get it just get it because food you're always gonna need food and it's cheaper than buying i don't know yeah no you did really well and you can go to hellofresh.com story 16 and use code story 16 for 16 free meals and three free gifts i don't know what the gifts are that's hella fresh.com story one six kb uh you've been on edge a little bit more than normal you've been a cunt my yeah i have um truly sick you're sick i have a cyst that's not ever growing necessarily but continuously there it is on my lip it's like an i think it's like a big amoeba i think it was a yugioh card it's always changing shape and growing and you always say i'm a cunt but you get you get

away with just destroying other people's like entire senses of worth under the guise of ironic comedy. But you meant that, and you're right. No. It isn't really affecting the way I interact with anybody else. It's a gigantic burden socially. But if you were that upset about it, i'm still no fun i did the gym face at the disclosure concert from fucking midnight to 5 a.m doing what what's the gym fit even though you were having fun? I was fucking raging. I was raging.

Anger-wise? No, like jumping up and down. But like that. Perfectly straight face. Jump up and down with that face. There are so many fly... We always joke about like swaggy Filipinos and fly Koreans. But the Brooklyn Mirage is overloaded with them. A surplus.

Of swaggy Filipinos? Yeah. Not a surplus in the sense that some need to go. But a surplus in the sense that there was a lot and i appreciate that sure and you rolled up there and you're competing against people i mean some of the most powerful races on earth uh swaggy filipinos there was no competition right but like there was and you were trying to you're trying to make a look for yourself you want to get you know you want to talk to some girls you want to dance and it's a tough with was it tough yeah what did you wear it was it was a decent outfit but this isn't the point yeah you've been a cunt because like we said i think in a couple episodes a episode. I also don't have a place to live. You don't have a home.

I forgot about that. Oh, sorry, man. Well, I have a little bit, but like as of right now, I legally don't have an apartment. Extensions are easy. There's a lot of loopholes. Landlords are there. They might be assholes, but they are. They're lazy.

They're not going to enforce anything until they absolutely need to financially so are you squatting right now i can not afford to live in manhattan alone so we have a job and we're here for uh you know a lot of hours during the day really breaking me and you have a pretty good job i feel like it's a pretty yeah no it's a high profile job fine and i just now i have to but you can't afford to live in the city where your job i can't afford to live here and i'm like seeing people who um like shit on the streets well they're homeless so i'm trying to think of a better example that's a really bad example yeah it's just all people so wait you were trying to pick up trying to choose somebody that has a home and your

first thought was homeless people. Yeah. OK, yeah. I'm trying to think of that. No, everyone who has a home is just is they're either rich or their parents are rich. Yes. And it's usually the second every single person I see. Yeah.

And if there's like a like a gray area of like appearance, they're homeless, too. Yeah. They're just better presenting. Yeah. And it's shocking because like, especially when you come to Barstool, you realize like to be even a Barstool intern, you have to have very rich parents because they don't really pay you enough to live here, but you have to live in the city. Yeah.

You just have to have rich parents. And so that the Barstool interns being all rich have turned into Barstool rich parent employees. And like we come in here pretty not, not poor, but we can't afford to live where our office is. We're not poor. No. We are fucking we grew up with a lot of privilege. Wow. Both of us. Sure. Some

in other ways than other. How so? I don't know. You have a fucking gazebo. I don't. Veranda? Close. Mezzanine? One more. Pagoda.

Pagoda. Yeah, Pagoda. Pagoda. But yeah, no, it's inferior. I don't, like, I'm not hostile toward people who have their rent paid for. No, I would do that if I could. But I think a lot of them, I think that situation in life creates a lot of cunts sure but like on the flip side of the coin you're a cunt some of the coolest people i met are from rich families who have uh their parents paying for the rent in new york city

yes but like i think that's because they live such a stress-free life. The ones from New York are always just broken to a point of absolute apathy. But your rent went up a grand. Yeah, and it's a terrible building. Is it? It's a piece of shit building. You live right above our bathhouse. It is. If you look at the reviews, which I didn't do until I moved in.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, fuck. I thought I was like, I had I didn't do until I've moved in. Yeah. And I was, oh, fuck. I thought I was like, I had to move out. The reviews are that bad. Seriously. It's been fine. But, you know, people who leave reviews are dramatic. Always.

I've never seen a three or four star review. Who's going to pay them a 30, 30 fucking some thousand dollars? Thirty one hundred dollars. That sounds a little. Yeah. Thirty one hundred dollars. Yeah. In a shitty building. In a shitty building. no one's going to fucking move in there.

Yeah, they will. And I'll have to move to fucking Bushwick with Tyler. Yeah. Not with him. I do have a room. Probably near you. Probably near him. Close enough to you to feel poor.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. Do you want that fate for me, Tyler? No, I don't want you on the dark side. We see each other every day we're we're we're close associates i think we have a semi-mutual respect for each other would you want me to live in the same vicinity as you i have a room i live with tyler fasoli just moved out live in fasoli

oh my god if fasoli moved to a bigger apartment you meant the fasoli's room no tyler i i can't ironically like shit on you anymore because you just laugh he does me feel way worse yeah another l for kyle tyler's the man now i feel yeah i'm not gonna do that no then you say that it makes me feel extra worse. Well, yeah, so you're homeless. Okay, hear me out. If I could solve either the lip bump or your home right now, what would you take? Dude, I would let the lip bump get three times bigger.

I think if your lip bump was three times bigger. three times bigger i think if your lip bump was three times bigger what i learned i always like one of my biggest fears as a kid was like having a like a very obvious deformity yeah and at my biggest like no one even points it out to you it's all in your own head they see it but like as long as you don't acknowledge that they might like perceive that then you're fine have you kissed since you've gotten the lip bump yes whoa it doesn't matter it doesn't matter no one cares they probably in their head they're like this is the worst but it doesn't fucking matter because no one's pointing out pointing i don't know it does matter uh but you i don't think you care that much because you haven't gone to a doctor i don't yeah my mom is not banging can you pop it

like a is your mom listening to this right now i mean and when other people are yeah yeah i just accepted that as fact. Has it neutered you a little bit? Spayed me? That's for sure. Yeah. Wow. I don't even know what that means. I think this is going to be our last podcast.

We're going to try to get some recorded in here before we go on our trip later this week. Yeah, we're doing a two-week Rediscovering America. Who are you talking to? I just adopted the cadence of somebody that's not me. Okay. Yeah, we're doing a two-week Rediscovering America. So I try that out every once in a while. Try out new cadences?

Cadences. And? What you think? It was okay. I just wasn't used to it. I think a lot of our white listeners, I think a lot of our listeners assume they automatically, they count themselves out as a potential suitor to Ebony.

Yeah. Not the case. She pulled me aside and said she was going to fuck you she that's not about me she said you're gonna bounce about the white man oh okay you guys are you guys are not at any disadvantage because i see the fucking instagram story she posts she's no she knows what she's doing. And she's smiling because she knows. She knows. She knows. She's dancing. She wants the white man in her DMs.

Are you telling people to do that? I think they already are. And this is Ebony's account that's a secure D's. Secure D's on Instagram. Old stoolies may remember her completely out of pocket instagram stories which are just text um the new tweeting i guess yeah it is it's fuck tweeting yeah and people always like oh you guys don't tweet anymore it's truly the worst app we use our jokes on here that and it's just like who is are people like still using twitter to be funny i don't think sass yeah sass is good but like they're like even when people are like their thing is like funny on twitter like it's so forced because

they're like writing it in a style to go viral yep and that's i'm guilty for that and i used to now i was stuck in this yeah it is a terrible app because i didn't care about how funny i was in my own head i was like how can i relate to the most how can i appeal to the most amount of people at once yes i just wanted to get numbers which i guess it works was in the long run but it was you're not you're not being funny. So only when someone's like, you fell off since 20. Yeah.

Like I'm not appealing to like sophomore girls in college with like relate, like it wasn't jokes. It was like, how can I say this thing that everyone agrees with in a semi humorous manner? Yep. I was doing the same cash out. You gain fall and then it's nothing. I remember I,

my first tweet that ever had like a hundred likes it was like pretty pretty basic pretty bad something i wasn't proud of and then the following tweet i had was like uh does anybody know where i can get carpenter jeans tired of keeping a hammer between my butt cheeks and i was really stoked with that that was good and it got 60 likes so like going from the day before going 100k to that on a joke that i liked more right and you it made you think that one was yeah you were actually yours were funny but you also spaced them out like weeks and months in advance i was running a business i was every day so it got to a point where i didn't i was like this is the lamest thing in the world but i think a lot of like white college kids are going to like this. So I'm going to tweet it instead of something that I think is actually funny.

So I'd be like white people be like white family, white dads be like white dads at Mexican restaurants be like, oh, la. And it was just like, it's so stupid. It's just like making fun of people who they are fine with making fun of white people white males yeah and very like relatable and then just written not even like in a joking format just like in a humorous i'm i'm very embarrassed i'm happy for twitter disgusting phase what a shitty app i'm very embarrassed every once in a while i'll get like a like on an old tweet and i just like shiver because they're bad it was a bad era it was an embarrassing era yeah um yeah it was it was yeah i mean and then the thing is if i went back to that and like the people that like us now i would get destroyed they're all they're all like

yeah fuck whatever they're doing now. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I might. I get the itch every once in a while because I liked going home from work and just like trying to think of one. No. Yeah.

No, it's good. But like it's truly breaks. It ruins people. Yeah. Of all ages. It does. Of all like levels of fame, success, monetary worth, people are addicted to Twitter. Chrissy Teigen, Jordan Peterson.

He still has to get takes off saying fat girls are gross. Yeah. You can keep that to yourself. Right. Then. You're looking up his tweet no i'm sorry i'm not responding because i'm thinking that carpenter jean joke could be funnier say it again does anybody know where i can get a pair of carpenter jeans tired of keeping a hammer between my butt cheeks no uh but wait what was the like the joke is that you're gay no carpenter jeans have a loop for a hammer and so if i didn't

have a pair i put my hammer just between my butt cheeks that just sounds like you're gay? No. Carpenter jeans have a loop for a hammer. And so if I didn't have a pair, I put my hammer just between my butt cheeks. That just sounds like you're No. You worded that in a manner in which you were getting fucked in the ass by another man. No. Fuck you. No. But here's what I could do better. I think I could bring that tweet back and just be like, God damn, I need

some carpenter jeans. And it's a picture of just me holding, clenching a hammer between my ass. That would be a good tweet. Run it yeah all right i might tweet it tomorrow this is like uh the painter painting right now now i'm contradicting tweet tweeting is awesome it's just the app the app sucks i don't know the thing is people aren't volatile to unfollow so you can miss on there people should just start do it like just i don't know the thing is people aren't volatile to unfollow so you can miss on there people should just start do it like just i don't know when you guys got hired did you like stop tweeting because it's like your job now no i kept doing it i got too nervous to like do it it was like yeah yeah because like you're trying to make a name for yourself here i got hired at a really weird time

my barstool career should have been fucked because i got hired in february and then the office closed march in march and then i had to go home so it's like i didn't get like to be i was hype i was like yeah i mean misery loves company but you were already pretty established you were blogging a lot like no it is wild how your career has changed you used to be a faceless boy blogger that didn't go in the office you worked across the street i would work in so many different environments not here not in the office right when you came in people didn't know who you were right there are so many people i think some people yeah it took a while yeah because i didn't go in the office there There wasn't room.

There wasn't desks. And if I'm writing, I want to be by myself and not have any distractions. So I would go to hotels and order the croque monsieur. Yeah. And they would put it on a tab. Do you miss that, though? I would still pay for it, but I would tell everyone that I got, I figured out a hack to get free like hotel meals. Which was what?

I think a lot of people still believe that. What was that? That was like my excuse. Like I, yo, I work out of this hotel by Madison Square Park and it's so awesome. I go to this lobby. They sit me down. They ask me what I want to eat. I order.

They give me the food. I write my blog. I eat it for free. I don't eat it for free. I paid every time. Yeah. And I tipped well. So you lost money yeah but you were living at your grandma's at the time which you're probably gonna have to do again you were driving like an hour into the city it was so awesome

work it was the best roommate your grandma yeah why she like we're the same people we don't like to like she just let me be she went too far letting me be even to a point where i was like i was like please at least like check on me she never even checked sometimes i would like just leave and like come back 10 days later where were you just crashing in manhattan were you houses were you crashing at dude's apartments did you know him yeah now in like retrospect that was probably a nuisance just just they hated when you came out with them they pretend they made me feel wanted that's nice it's a good time it was yeah did you just tip someone to stay on their couch recently i did yeah owen sent me a picture you crashed it like a

mutual friends girlfriends friends after that concert there was a lot of degrees of separation to a point where i should not have stayed with them even if my friends were there but our mutual friends were there but there was none of that so you just stayed on the couch of a you got what was disclosure it went late like the brooklyn mirage concerts go to like five yeah we get back at like whatever six yeah and i was like i'm i'm not even bothering to order myself a new i'm gonna crash here you just said i was with just five people i've never did they offer it not not verbally or gesturally sure yeah they did i and i just stayed there was it all girls it was it was and five girls that lived it was it all girls? It was. It was. And five girls that lived there.

It was an immaculate apartment. And you just stayed on like a chair? It was like a mansion. Yeah. It was definitely their parents or whatever. But I felt like I woke up, came to my senses and I was like,

I'm a creep. I just stayed in these people's, strangers' apartment. They're like 24-year year old girls and i'm just here so i scurried and they had they were they awake when you left so i was like i have to like do like some type of consolation prize so i wrote him a note that said thanks for letting me crash i gave him five bucks on the fucking like six thousand dollar chelsea walnut table with their like mont montclar like fountain pen that's worth a thousand dollars you

wrote it with that like that probably like ruined it probably broke the nib i had to like go to like their study room it was their parents apartment so fuck them not fuck them but like if i broke your dad's expensive pen then i i don't really feel too bad and i gave him a five dollar tip and they kept it and i think they roasted me in the group chat yeah yeah yeah because i saw the screenshot it was a picture of the tip you kind of like did you hide it kind of tucked it under i thought it was i thought it was the dopest move ever when i did it i'm scurrying out i'm gonna leave this nice note they're gonna really appreciate it maybe like even like post it online no but instead how nice i am they started the text

i saw in the screenshot with an ellipses and said he really left a tip question mark. No, I only saw one portion of the screenshot and it said this guy also only really left a tip and they also implied that... They were talking about you prior. I did something else that was very whack.

Do you have any idea? I think I may have like... We all took blankets to Central Park and I got mine extra wet because i actually fell asleep i don't know oh yeah there's a picture of you sleeping in central park like 6 a.m yeah okay you have anything to say to them would you do it again yes yeah so fun yeah good stuff man that exact thing almost happened to me in kansas because there was no oh yeah we went to kansas lawrence kansas to the man on the street we've been acting yeah we've been acting up we have for our age college campuses i stayed on the porch of that i did pretty much too i went on the roof. Played some pong.

Yeah, like same thing in Kansas. You stayed back. I actually, I went home. I went to the hotel early in Kansas. Yeah, we all lost each other. You fucking. Well, I lost you guys when you picked up. You ran out the score.

But how old are you? 23. Yeah, you're fat. It's fine. I caught my W on Kansas 1 when we got the video. Yes. You had more Ws to get? Essentially, but I was like the same situation.

There was no Uber. Then they were like, I was at a house. Couldn't get an Uber back. You're college age, so you should have done that. Yeah. No, I wanted to go back to the hotel because it was like 5.30 in the morning, like you were saying, for your situation.

I was on a random couch surrounded by people I've never met in my entire life in Kansas. It's horrible. All just watching Gossip Girl for like an hour. And and i swear to god there's like 12 of us and i was just desperately waiting for an uber from like 4 to 5 a.m like dude like why why am i in this random kansas department right now it didn't happen so i sat there for like an hour like really debating i'm like am i gonna like sleep on this person's couch and then get to the uber in the morning yeah it's humbling yeah oh on this person's couch and then get to the Uber in the morning? Yeah, it's humbling.

Yeah. Oh, incredibly humbling. Yeah. And then it finally happened. But I almost had to do the exact same thing. And I was wondering, am I supposed to leave a note when I leave? Am I supposed to just get out of there? That was my thought.

Wasn't there a girl that you were with and you said, let me save you? No. Bringing her back to New York City. You're like, I got to save you. I got to save you. You can only reach 20. I'm like, look at me. Look got to save you. You can only reach 20. Like, I'm like, look at me. Look me in the eyes.

You can only reach 20. I didn't say 50 or 70. 20% of your full potential here in the Midwest, in the Great Plains, in Kansas. Come to New York. Come with me and like fulfill your life. Yes. And you don't you don't owe me anything. You don't owe me a single thing. Just follow me.

Do everything I say. And then you gesture downwards. Your cock was out. It just happened to me. It's like taking your shoes off when you walk in the place. Listen, you don't owe me anything. Let me save you. I can help you.

Are you looking at me? Look me in the eyes. Good girl. Good girl. Now listen to me. This is not advice. This is not a suggestion. This is what you're going to not a suggestion this is what you're going to do and this is what you're going to want to do because i'm going to make your life

infinitely better how does that sound pretty good yeah you remember when i was in your shoes i was in your shoes okay hardly a year ago everybody was saying how like miserable they were just like oh dude we're in kansas like the closest city's like five hours away i'm like dude you don't have to live in kansas you don't your whole life and it was like now you're being real they were actually saying yes what i got i thought you should have no no i made that up i talked to oh really about it like this is awesome like this is this is terrible yeah this is a truly god-awful like college town that was a weird across the board let alone for like a major power five school yeah it was bad yeah i would never i had fun and i like the people there yeah i think it was awesome

to be there for the chat we did it that's not the college to go to yeah for sure at all but we're ready to see our impact of the uh the under no no now i feel bad because i liked every person yeah they were phenomenally nice and cool but But we had more people listen in Kansas than we thought going in. They were no, they were awesome. Yeah, I guess I don't know. You're gonna have to go back. Yeah, go there. Yeah, I've never had back to Kansas. I was like with the group of people like night essentially. And then I was like, well, I'm going like home, home. So like, see you guys never, never. It's so weird. It was kind of awesome. It's always weird leaving a place knowing you'll never go back in your entire life or just like a place in general.

Like I will never be back here. It doesn't really. Yeah. It's weird for me. Like, I don't know. Even leaving the hotel room. Yeah. I didn't expect when we like left the airport,

I'm like, this is the last time I'm ever probably going to be back in the state of Kansas. Yeah. So we, we won our St. Peter's money from the March madness competition. I don't know who was more like impulsively stupid about spending it.

It was me. So I got a, I got a hotel right next to the brooklyn mirage i was like this is gonna be a power move after the concert it ends so late i'm gonna just did you actually there and like have that in my back pocket didn't even stay there and gave it away to who not saying but you just was it a random person yeah you gave your hotel To who? Not saying. Was it a random person? Yeah. You gave your hotel room? No, I'm not saying.

I can't say their name because I don't know. I'm not describing the person. It would look bad for me. It wasn't a child or anything. You made it sound like a kid. Yeah. Someone who didn't deserve it. Was it a wingman move?

So you spent money on a hotel room. I went and got Yeezys. You got foam runners from Canal Street. Yes, and they were still 80 bucks. And they're fly. No, yeah, they're not. They're not, but the human eye wouldn't discern them from real ones i think you can i think the the real ones are pretty textured these ones are uh just not so what is the what what is the point

of wearing those because they don't look good and they're not comfortable uh good fashion makes you question yeah that's what i always say yeah and i bought that and i bought uh i spent a lot of money on some dumb shit i've been into models lately like not like good-looking women with titties like uh constructing like uh i yeah, I saw you. I know you've like made a jigglypuff. I did. And I bought a Dragonite one. It's a little bit. What's worse is like just buying a whole jigglypuff thing or just buying the pieces than making it. Yeah, because once it's done, I do respect people who make.

Thanks. people who make thanks not you but like i i get the the thrill and the satisfaction in like making something from scratch from scratch just buying like you can yeah just as cheap you can buy that item yeah i would love to make a table there's a thrill of productivity yeah so i get why you did that thanks man that's one of the nicer things you said huge i sent you a picture of the completed model i was posing like the jigglypuff too i was winking with the little little hand up it's pretty cool um all right you have anything else to talk about not now all right cool cool cool i know it's a little story thank you tyler get well soon ow Owen. Uh,

I'm Nick. That's Kyle. So we ever signed off like that before? No, that was pretty cool. Oh yeah.