A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 303? - 3OH3!

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

A New Untold Story: Ep. 303? - 3OH3! -- Nick, KB, & Owen discuss their weeks, the Knews, plans for the pod, going down $2k in Pokémon, being a black uncle, & much, much more -- Ad: Gametime - Download the Gametime app at https://barstool.link/GametimeApp and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Ad: Hellofresh - Go to HelloFresh.com/story16 and use code story16 for 16 free meals across 7 boxes AND 3 free gifts! -- Full episodes also available on YouTube -- New merch out v soon -- Thanks for listening/watching/supporting.. Love u polypsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. Kyle, you know I've been feeling under the weather. Start the podcast. Wait, hold on. I'll do it.

Run that regular thing I just said back. Yeah, I want to give you a correct response. Are we going to start with that? I'm texting, typing, which is texting. Is it a slime that? I'm texting. Typing. Which is texting. Is it a slime piece? I think it is. I'm trying to write a joke. Episode 303.

Kygo is an acronym actually for kill your... Never mind. No, it's a portmanteau for Kyle goes hard. That was what I was working on for the last 20 minutes. I haven't seen you in hours.

I wanted to write a Kygo joke because, you know, he's a good artist. Yeah. Trending. Kygo is a portmanteau for Kyle goes hard. Is this like a news segment or you just wanted to do that? No one told the story. Episode 303. Tongues.

Is that a lyric from the band? Bruise. Don't they did? I also thought that would work. Work in what sense? When you said it was episode 303, I would say a lyric from the band Electronic Duo. Yeah. 303.

303. Tongues pressed to your cheek. My tongue is on the inside of another girl's cheek. Teeth. Which is what?

The enamel. What? I think he's on the inside. He's not touching this side. He's touching the backside. 303 was obsessed with kissing. They love to kiss. Was that also my first kiss?

Yeah, it was a Jay-Z thing. They sang my first kiss. My first was that also my first kiss yeah it was a jay-z uh they sang my first kiss yeah my first kiss was a little it was was that with um kesha we need we need a rapper we need a rapper who's obsessed with his kissing but um we do um a new one told story three it is uh they had an exclamation point stylized after the O-H. Other bands do that too. Well, this was a like a 2008 thing. Yeah. Where everything extreme and epic was popular. Yeah.

Like saying even the word epic was popular. Everything was epic. To the extreme. Hollywood Undead. Undead! You listened to Forever the Sickest Sickest Kids and you straightened your bang Freshman year

That's not even like remotely close To what that's what you would do Remember extreme home makeover epic edition Is what I'm saying Late aughts it was all extreme Exclamation points And mustaches Bacon

Cats fuck cats Not to harper on our own sponsors but have you noticed the new thing is one word with two things capitalized who's our what's our like everybody we have every week hello fresh better hell game time yeah so the early the late 2000s was like extreme exclamation points but then capitalization then it was all lower minimal early 2010s The late 2000s was like extreme. Exclamation points. Capitalization. Then it was all lower. Minimal. Early 2010s. All lowercase.

Helvetica. With like a period. Then we stopped using vowels. I think Brie tried to repopularize it with like her stylization of the word cunt. All lowercase with a period. Yeah, she did. She tried to bring that back. Yeah, that was a 2000s.

Early 2010s thing, but could work. No, no. I probably made her 20,000, 2025, 2025. So be it. To be very honest, I just got like eight Instagram DMs. I'm sure it's because Ebony just posted a story. Oh, no. Oh, did she?

I just got three. Yeah. She changed her Instagram to a light skin. Eb 25. Disgusting. A disgusting rebrand. Yep, it's an ebony story. Oh, it's just a fire-ass selfie. Looking good, Eb.

I have to make a confession. The news this week, and I know I make this joke every time, so it's like a really crying wolf kind of thing. It's like beating off a dead horse. It really is. I wrote jokes i spent all my brain power this week writing jokes for a bigger podcast that will be using the the jokes i wrote friday therefore i can we announce this no okay yeah therefore i didn't like get to write news jokes this week so but i i didn't't either. I just don't have the excuse.

Oh, fuck. Did you fall for it again? Can we get you a more solid paper? I thought for once you just didn't have it in you. I would like a near plastic. Can a polyp make a Nick unfolding paper compilation? What song would that be?

I forgot polyp. Here we go. No, I actually don't really have any this week. Yeah, I can tell you. No, we don't even have to do it. It doesn't have to be everything. Deshaun Watson was suspended six games after an investigation

from him being accused by 24 masseuses for sexual misconduct. Watson being investigated. It's typically Watson's job to investigate with Sherlock. Speaking of massage therapists across Cleveland, better be sure to lock their doors. He's a predator and he will get away with it. For the less informed at home, Deshaun Watson, he would travel to inexperienced massage therapists. He would demand to use his own

washcloth to cover up and have it slip off while he was erect during massages. The Steelers have more Super Bowls, but it looks like the Browns can claim a more terrible towel. Thought that was it. Yeah, you thought I went off. Yeah, what is going on here?

It was supposed to be a point at the beginning of the episode. Also, we have new merch coming out. Not that hat. They really went crazy with the hat. Yeah, but on a T-shirt looks kind of fly. Where's that shirt? Kyle, put that on. It's under the collapse to sign.

Put that on. I liked that little fake punch line. Oh, yeah. Thank you. I've been trying new things. Now, here's where it gets really bad. Damn. Is that merch?

That looks like Danny Zuko's gym shirt from the movie Grease. No, no, no. Is that one in Grease 2? No, no, no. I think that's what Danny Zuko wore when he was trying out for different sports, trying to clean up his act and he's punching everybody anyways. Well, I don't know. The new untold story podcast. I can't tell which is a set. All right. The new untold story podcast met with Barstool sports strategy team this week.

This is actually true. Yep. That's right. The strategy team said they would try to post anus on the main page more, which is good. Since the only page Barstool has given us is Elliot, they've given us dick. No, in all seriousness, the anus boys cowered when asked in their meeting what the social team could do to help. We cowered. Well, I thought you said when you said the anus boys cowered, I thought you meant like you were the resident cowered. No, no, no. I didn't verbally cower. Did I?

No, we did. We cowered when they asked what they could do to help. The anus boys need to take a page from Elliot and stop being bitches. No, the meeting was actually nice. It was good. They did call us out on our poor attitudes, saying that sometimes we act like three guys who do this with absolutely zero support and have to teach themselves everything. No punchline there. That felt really good.

That was good. Some of these are for us. A little something for you a little for me mcconaughey will do a rom-com but guess what then he's going to do rust one for clicks or he's going to do a bud he did what was his rom-com a lot failure to launch sahara now he's doing fucking rust no no he played rust coal i'm trying so hard to like let me just shut up do it no i'm not setting it i i my the way i speak now because i've been writing these for like this and the other one i don't know how to have a regular conversation everything sounds like a setup yeah even though

i'm just talking it's off-putting yeah it is um formula one driver lewis hamilton has become a part owner of the denver broncos he's the the first owner in pro sports since Donald Sterling, who knows how to really take advantage of a race. Dan Snyder, owner of the commanders welcomed him with open arms saying if he wants to meet any of the cheerleaders in Washington, he's welcome to F1. Dan Snyder's been

abusing his cheerleaders. Really? That was the one, yeah. That was incredible. NASA, in space news, NASA announced that a partial eclipse in five weeks will be the closest a satellite

orbit has been to the phenomena. Eclipse? Five? Orbit? Who's writing headlines for NASA? Renowned world record gum chewer Violet Beauregard? I don't know who's writing these headlines. Let's finish it though. Anyways, those pictures will be released.

They'll be the most in-detail photos ever captioned, says principal NASA scientist Bazooka joe i should have finished that i didn't even see that i could add it to the joke what a coincidence yep an uptick an uptick in shark attacks this summer have left multiple divers dead. One grieving family found solace in saying that he died doing what he loved. Unless what he loved was being viciously chomped by a 209-pound tiger shark, I'm going to call bullshit. Yeah, he didn't love that.

No, no, no. Yeah, he died doing what he loved. No, no. yeah he died doing what he loved no no unless you unless he's the only people that can die doing what they love are people that committed suicide yeah suicide he loved dying seppuku stan yeah yeah no yeah he loved it he loved dying uh do you have any yeah because he's well i tried to write some of them from the pov of you it's okay because you're you're better at it and no i'm not better at it at all i just wanted i don't want to channel your like i don't know your brain waves sure yeah

okay oh fuck that's gonna hurt my feelings no it's not this is something you would write stop stressing that yeah again i wish you didn't tell me that at all Okay. Oh, fuck. This is going to hurt my feelings. No, it's not. This is something you would write. Stop stressing that. Yeah, again, I wish you didn't tell me that at all. A Six Flags employee in Vallejo, California, reportedly loses foot in freak accident. I miswrote a joke for this one. Fuck. Hmm. I guess it could be worse.

If KB lost a foot at Six Flags. He wouldn't even be tall enough to ride the Foghorn Leghorn Stagecoach Express. Touche, Nick. I'll hold this L. Except false. If KB actually were to lose a foot of height, he'd still eclipse four feet, six and a half inches. to lose a foot of height, he'd still eclipse four feet, six and a half inches and thus firmly

meet the height requirements of the majority of rides and attractions at Six Flags, including Bugs Bunny, Ranger Pilots, and Log Flume. Would you eclipse that by more than an inch or two? I assumed as you said eclipse, I thought you were going to go the gum route. No.

Did you type the hmm? That was something you would say. Hmm. If KB took an Did you type the hmm? That was something you would say. That is something, yeah. Hmm. If KB took an actual L from Six Flags, Nick would sprint through the gates with his mouth agape as soon as he read the welcome sign with the missing letter. And KB would get away chalk free and sell that L on eBay for upwards of four figures. Nick would think it was an amusement park. Taunt flaunting half a dozen gay men from the people who brought you five guys. Yeah, that's right.

Crank it up a notch. Oh, my God. crank it up a notch oh my god carl's jr and hardy's are facing criticism from customers for undergoing a 500 500 million dollar brand transformation which includes new equipment a simplified logo streamlined menus in a monochromatic interior design so big changes from carl's jr that people aren't too happy about. Okay. Do you know who does enjoy watching Carl's change? Former gay Raiders linebacker,

Will Compton, who was coincidentally teammates with fellow gay NFL defenseman, Carl Nassib for a season. Yeah. I think there were two Carls on that team. Although they only had brief interactions in the sense that Will would incessantly compliment

Carl's underwear. Will has vowed to name his firstborn son after Mr. Nassib per his sports and lifestyle podcast Bussing with the Boys. Speaking of Carl's junior and hard D's, Will was always erect for these interactions.

Where was this last week? Yeah, no, I didn't finish. Are these leftovers? Yeah, yeah. That was actually dope. Will's the best. Yeah, he is the best. I actually sent him a heartfelt message kind of. Really?

I was like, thank you, dude. That was huge. Yeah, no. He was like, he gave me his number and he said, if you ever need anything, I'm only a call away. Ironic that he's only a call away considering he's tailor-made. Like Callaway? I don't know. And tailor-made?

Is it those two golf brands? Did you do that on accident? Yeah, and you were saying LeJuan carries them. Wait, did you accident? What? Did you accidentally just do two golf brand jokes? Callaway is a golf brand, right? Yeah, and TaylorMade is as well.

Yeah. It's ironic that he was only a Callaway. Callaway. You can take liberties in pronunciation with some of these. Also, how do you pronounce Carl Nassib? Carl Nassib. That's right. Yeah.

I know that because I had to look it up just in case. I always do this. I always like whenever I'm about to talk about something, I will Google blanks pronunciation. I didn't know how to say Taylor. It's Lewin. I thought it was Lewon. Wait, what? I checked Google.

You do it too? I clicked the mouth. Lewin. Carl Nassib. Everybody here calls him i think i should i think we should i don't know i've never wanted to kill a man more without knowing anything about them than this guy what guy this guy who does these pronunciation youtube oh have you ever seen the fake ones did steward ronk so yeah there's a guy who just copied there's an account that has millions of followers that helps people learn English. It's like a black background

white text or maybe white. There's a lot. Yeah, there's a few different derivatives. There's a guy who just says stuff wrong. That's funny. Yeah. He probably fucks people over. Yeah, introverts. But this guy, this is how I had to find out the pronunciation that I already kind of knew. I knew it was

nasib, but I just wanted to make sure it wasn't anything like European. I said omnipotent the other day and I wanted to help myself. I heard it was omnipotent. Yeah. I didn't correct you. I want you to. No, I got it. I knew you would. I got near full. Listen to this. I've had, what? This is

how I had to figure out, I had to sit through this shit. We are looking at how to pronounce this name as well as how to say more interesting and often mispronounced names from the NFL. So make sure to stay tuned and consider just saying for more learning. It is an American football defense.

Just say it! The video should be two seconds. Say Carl Massip! I had a... Yeah, I spurred out. Oh, man. Was that a teaser for the pronunciation video? Yeah, that was so long.

I mean, granted... In next week's episode... Does that guy have merch? What the fuck is this guy? That's so fucking awesome. Julian McGill. The pronunciations are behind a paywall. Are you in this much of a daze

that you don't realize that you never sit on that side? I'm looking at how to pronounce this name as well as how to say more interesting and often mispronounced names from the NFL. So make sure to stay tuned and subscribe.

He's getting a word count in. Wait, I want to hear. Fuck you. He doesn't even get to it. How many, like... That was like 30 seconds in. Do people comment? Like, say the fucking name? Mm-hmm.

Did you hear what I said? It's like a, yeah, comment to, like, starts at 047. Did you hear what I... No, I didn't look at the comments. Dude, I've had... The beginning of this week was brutal for me. Over 88,000 residents eastern michigan were left without power after torrential downpours and high winds 88 000 no power they can't even want this actually

blows my mind because we're in 2022 we're still in a state where if you it just if there's just a thunderstorm you can't watch tv yeah 88 000 people uh it's crazy to me how this is still an issue no power or electricity because it was just too rainy sounds like if kb ever had to miss an episode of the podcast yeah yeah that sounds like something i'd write. In other news trending in the LGBT community, the FDA released a statement on Monday advising consumers not to purchase and use nitrite poppers because these products can result in serious adverse health effects, including death when ingested or inhaled. Okay. death when ingested or inhaled okay they're still available in smoke shops yeah like i can get them now what are you waiting for me to say that i'll just probably just okay so i'm gonna start another i forgot i wrote a punchline it was it was too low in the notes app.

Tease it next week. Yeah, this is bad. It's ironic that poppers loosen gay assholes considering their number one customer in 2020 was Titans gay asshole, Will Compton, who was only a member of the team for one season but was notorious amongst colleagues and staff for being extremely rude

as well as gay. We could have really used these last week. I know. I was nervous. Did you have those written and just didn't say it to him? I didn't say them. I didn't need them. It would have been overload. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great guy he is. People have been sending them. Some were good, yeah. I won't give you any credit or sending them. Some were good, yeah. Some have been good. I won't give you any credit or read them out loud, but they were good. Can I do one? Yes. You guys can rip on it. Chick-fil-A is asking for volunteers, quote-unquote, to work for five chicken sandwiches per hour. With the recession hitting us all, this is disgusting for a corporation to place that burden on the common man.

for a corporation to place that burden on the common man. Even more disgusting, Chick-fil-A is only offering four sandwiches per hour for female volunteers and none for vile queers. F*** their words. I'm a Popeyes guy. That was submitted by Stoolie Clubhouse.

No, shut the fuck up. Can I stroke you guys off for last week's episode quickly? Sure. It was incredible. Thanks, man. Oh, yeah. We wish you were there. It was really...

Our best podcasts are when we're with people with personality as opposed to two bitter cunts. We are bitter cunts. We clash against each other. We're always trying to get a fucking joke off. Yeah. We don't pay attention to what the other person is saying because we're disgusting so it's very strange when we're with somebody that has charisma when we have someone who has charisma in like any semblance of like a personality and confidence yeah like our final berg episodes without having to like be the funniest person every five seconds yeah and it's it's a good

juxtaposition i'd imagine podcasting is easy for people that are good at uh podcasting i feel like that's the most clear way i can put it the most concise way um but it was a big game and you guys played well tried our best tried our damnedest uh today's episode is brought to you by game time uh notoriously not a scam. No. A really good deal. And we're reading this out. It says right here on the copy, not a scam.

It's a video now. They can see that you're looking at nothing. You know. But yeah, we use Game Time yesterday to the Yankees game. Me and Owen, Kyle, didn't even know we were doing that. Yeah, I found out the hard way Instagram story it was even worse

a girl sent a picture of us walking around like hey I see these guys hey I'm at Yankee Stadium I'm guessing you have to be here if Nick and Owen are your two best friends where are you let's meet up after this or during this yeah no game time crack the code their seats are incredible. Where are you? Yeah. Our seats are incredible. Let's meet up. Let's meet up after this or during this.

Yeah. No, Game Time cracked the code. I'm not there. Tell score deals on last minute tickets. I'm actually not there. It's a massive concert here in 2022.

Again, we used them for the Yankees game. We really appreciate that. I didn't know. You can use them for concerts. I thought it was just sports center. No, no. You can use them

for a variety of things. Farmer's market. Download the app. Game Time app. Redeem the code. Lowest prices guaranteed. Redeem code untold. You went to your LD for $20 off. That's if you want 20 off. If you want 25

off untold to 5. 15 off, which is... Yeah, you can actually name your price of how much you went off. Put that digit afterwards. In our meeting, we talked about this on the yak a little bit they're letting us pick our sponsors or like try to they're gonna sales are gonna reach out to yeah that was crazy and so we want a durag company or something that's like very out are you chewing gum

no no i'm not where literally not in his mouth? I just saw you take it out of your mouth, man. I'm not chewing gum. What did you ask? I saw you take it out of your mouth. I don't. I'm not chewing gum. Why are you acting like a 12-year-old right now? That's your best impression of just any 12-year-old.

Quit it, dude. I didn't fucking chew. I didn't chew it. I saw you chew. I saw it in your mouth. Look at my mouth. Look at it. I saw you chew. I saw it in your mouth. Look at my mouth. Look at it. Kyle, I heard it and I saw you chewing it and it's in your hand right now.

No, it isn't. Oh, hey, yeah. It was never in my mouth. I saw you take it out of your mouth, Kyle. No, I wasn't. Did you just say the F word? What did you just say? No, I didn't.

I heard you say, shut the what up? They whispered it. What did you say? I just said, shut up. I know now you're lying to me. Prove it. 12-year-olds are such cunts dude they're the worst

I hate 12 year olds I don't know for a fact I haven't seen them in a while but yeah I don't know are they still around they have to be terrible yeah

they're even worse now why because some of them are like celebrities I guess you're right oh man I guess I never thought about that some of them that's the worst part of the movement it's the worst part about 12 year olds some of them are

celebs damn i always forget about i was on 12 year old tiktok for a little a little bit and i panicked because it was a it was a cooperstown dreams park video like this kid who won like the the this running bases competition which hits close to home because I was at the park in 2005 and I did all the competitions or watched people do them. So I watched, I read all the comments and it was just like 12-year-olds bickering.

And? You got to stop just ending things. But what was 12-year-old TikTok like? That just caused me to show other middle school videos and I had to delete the app. You're edging jokes.

That wasn't a joke. I text you guys in a panic Sunday morning. You were cool about it. You clowned me. No, you guys both clowned me. I wasn't a full clown. I woke up Sunday morning groggy, glasses off. Saw it was the last day of the month.

Yeah, I told you this. Yes, you know what it is. You told it in a couple group chats. Yes. And you never consoled me. I was freaking out. It was a huge part of his day, week, life. Did it affect you?

I thought it was funny. I woke up last day of the month. I pay rent with Zelleell the money transfer thing and chase uh clicked like most recent payments sent my rent two grand uh looked and i saw i was accepted and was accepted by the name of my pokemon card shop i forgot i forgot my wallet one day when i was going to pick up a new pokemon go set because they have a they just released a new type of ditto and it's like it looks like a regular pokemon you could peel off the top and it's a ditto and i was trying to get one so i bought two boxes never got it sucked but i used zell

because it was right i had to you you paid your rent to the the pokemon shop in chinatown yeah and uh i panicked i called you should have that's the exact type of any pokemon that's the type of like small store that the owner would just not give it right and like the thing is i actually don't know how this ends zell you can't cancel it because it's just like a private money transfer it was accepted it was out of my account they had it yeah zell's weird because a lot of uh like people prefer it in business but it's super sketchy i find it does seem like it's sketchy because you can also buy things on like canal street you buy like fake wallets with zell yeah to those vendors so i called didn't pick up the

the name of the shop and then i like had the personal phone number attached to it call that didn't pick up so then i sent an instagram dm to the account, to the shop and look at the fucking, I read it, read my, Oh, you had to go that route. Wow. I would just sprint to the store. It wasn't open.

It was Sunday. Oh fuck. This is a high. I'm a frequent customer and I accidentally, I believe that. Yeah. Yes. I'm just finding out that is sad though.

Yeah. Frequent cost. Hi, I'm a frequent customer and I accidentally paid my rent to you guys via Zelle. I'm kind of freaking out. Yeah. I'm kind of freaking out.

Wondering if there's anything you guys can do. Yeah. That's, that's me. Then you sent the screenshot. Okay. And look at, look at the reaction.

All they did with a literal reaction. Yes. They reacted immediately with the, was, the literal reaction? Yes. They reacted immediately. Was that an emoji reaction? Yes. With just the crying, laughing emoji? And then when did they send the message? And then the message.

The next day, they sent the quote. Oh, no, this is way funnier. This is on Sunday morning. Monday morning. So they sent you the crying, laughing emoji. That's it for an entire day. Yes. And you were just like, I'm getting clowned and stolen. Oh, That's it for an entire day. Yes. And you were just like, I'm getting clowned.

Oh yeah. I didn't know this. Yes. And then the next morning, just the text or the DM bra from like a building. It's like a building. Can I say it? Yeah. No, no.

The building text. Don't say the name. How the fuck did that? I went and i got my call the guy and he said you brah brah bruh but and what did you do i called again and he was like dude i was just yeah i was fucking with you and i was like dude that's two thousand dollars oh my god no he was really cool uh shout out amazing shout out the funniest way to react shout out the shop in chinatown. Go there.

They gave me my money back. Got my money back. They just got a new blue eyes, white dragon figurine. Pretty big swing in there after work to snag one. But I get all my figurines there and whatnot. And you're getting figurines. Well, ones that you build. It's pretty fun.

The cards I can get. If you didn't say anything, would that have been an alarming amount to send him or is that your usual budget it would have been very alarming uh i was my biggest fear was not getting the money back i would have been okay if he was just like i'll give you store credit because that's that is a fear yeah that's that's sad but yeah he didn't have to pay me back but i was freaking out all day and then i was just like oh i got i like i went to the bathhouse where there's no service just to like chill out yeah i like uh went hank went i hank is was the worst person to tell he was like he was just like you're a moron like that's and then i tried to sweat it out the bathhouse left

so i just got a reaction i was like what it just left me perplexed that's funny yeah yeah but that was my fucking fucking weekend um we had a meeting with the social team things are going well for the podcast it's good yeah it was awesome a little bit of respect yeah they were like you guys are defying all logic that you have a successful podcast but don't do anything you don't the average uh to be deemed like a decent social score you have to post 21 times a week on all platforms yes sir we were at 2.1 times a week and uh still growing so thank you guys but um we got an intern now kind of a freelance guy yeah who's going to be cutting our clips and everything so we're going to be pretty obnoxious well no that's my thing i think that thank you i don't know traditional promotional tactics work for most brands and podcasts and shows but not for us yeah we like

spam timelines spam timelines with like just bullshit clips that weren't like i think we give them a funny clip a day Monday to Friday you could do five clips from an episode yeah let's do it we might already fucking have them who knows but then there's been a bunch of new content in the works we pitched we discussed this

for months now Barstool has like college baseball guy and men's the hockey guys Dave's the pizza guy. Glennie with burgers. We're about to hire like a Cowboys blogger. Cowboys blogger. We have the Browns blogger.

What is the one niche that Barstool has? We have movies. We even have like rap to an extent. Soccer. Rap soccer. What niche is Barstool? Kyle, you know. Yeah.

Can't. We have food. No, we have a lot of candy. No, yeah. he does candy. It's titty fucking and I think it's an untapped market. There's no, but it's not too niche where that like our ceiling for viewership would be still minimal. But I think this is the most untapped market because a lot of people are, they, no one has ever like fully dove into it to cut like no and i'd be like a beat reporter on i don't know yeah i think i i i would have i we've been trying to like do our own solo stuff because like we work very well together and i think i'm going to start being like the titty

fucking guy you're you're gonna do that yeah i think and i pitched to them like listen i will do it and i don't even have to put it out. We could just give it a shot. I know this isn't my brain. So you should tell me to shut up. Do you fuck the titties or do the titties fuck you? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. You answered your own question.

Stupid. Yeah. But yeah, I think there's like a huge like there. It's an untied. I don't know, especially with the demographic of our audiences. They don't really consume. I don't put, especially with the demographic of our audiences, they don't really consume. I don't think into perspective. I am in a bubble, I guess, but I still try to keep a gauge on like what other content creators outside of the Barstool universe are doing.

Yeah, I don't really see. I get granted. There are probably some titty fucking segments. There are titty fucking segments around. But like like are they doing it well yes but it's not consistent it's the thing there's no strategy yeah great like a five minute if you do a five minute segment on any topic including titty fucking that's going to be easy to do well the people who say you're just doing it for clicks that's the thing that

just yeah you it's very transparent if the people are just doing it for clicks yeah but i'm saying like people only do it in segment when i got hired here i i always had the dream to be like the titty fuck the tiff okay we can both do it no no no i just don't know i don't know if we need a staunch rebrand from our genre to strictly titty fucking or should it be a no i think like i think you have the college wrestling i think i'll do the titty fucking or should it be a separate I think you have the college wrestling I think I'll do the titty fucking and we'll just have it all live on the anus YouTube I think Jerry's doing college wrestling when you say you're doing the

titty fucking you're going to be covering it yeah it's all encompassing you're going to report on it I'll be boots on the ground like Shane Smith for vice. When he would go to like Ghana and like,

and like central African Republican, like the most dangerous titties. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like the crocodile. Yeah. Yeah. No.

So that, that'll be in the pipeline as well. Um, we already talked about it, but your mom uses black emojis. Um, that created a rift. You always say things that just kind of not ruin, but severely like my relationship with my, no, she was mad that I called my nephew black.

He, she said, he's biracial. I said, mom, those two can aren't mutually exclusive. He's still black. Um, she didn't comment on the black emojis. My sister, who is the mother of the black boy, so she actually probably has some, like, I don't know, leeway to use the black emojis. Because she married a black man?

She said, is it true that mom actually uses black emojis? I said, I don't know. I have a text. Nick could have easily. Do you have it? Yes. I don't want my mom to use continue to yeah how are you gonna hold on let's see here is this your mom or your dad's number because i don't have it saved

look real text oh she gave you the black thumbs up yeah that's even worse okay yeah i'll call her i'll have to talk to her why is that even worse not just like is that what roger ebert gave friday one black thumb up god damn he's rolling in his grave could have been it yeah oh man no so wait what did you so you're what what rift did this cause um they don't like me like what is the word putting him in one box okay and i was like i think he it doesn't necessarily make sense but he can't check white he can't or can he no he's checking black 10 times out of 10 yeah he's a black boy i'm a black uncle

i'm so glad that this became a point of conversation it's just because your mom sent me the black thumbs yeah no we got in this yeah it was like this yeah of a racist ah so does your sister not want your mom to use black emoji she didn't clarify i couldn't tell if she was mad at me or her um why would she be mad at you for claiming my nephew is black her grandchild well i guess yeah he's just as much hers as she is your brother-in-laws yeah let's change the subject you can but keep it relative gene markeith oh interested in getting on the podcast yeah i think i dm'd him for my personal accounting did not reply did you see seen did he seen it i would imagine if it was two days ago i don't know well we want to get him on again for those people that don't know Gene Markeith,

Instagram style icon, just turned 21. He's a fashion god style icon. He's Mr. Put It On. He's a prolific writer as well. Is he? Yeah, his captions are great. He's a good writer, yeah. Not Jewish, but the drift is real.

He's on a fitness journey. I don't want him to talk on, if he does make a cameo, I want him to just wear. No, I want him to maybe come out to New York. Come with a few new fits. I would love to go to New York and have him style us. I want to see him try. Oh, you want to?

Yes. If we could make that happen. Yeah. And I want, he wore those shoes that were Hennessy. I would love to have him bring those. Those need to be in budget. Because I think, while I do think his stuff is bold, I really like him. And I would love for him to put it on to me.

This is also not like an ironic bet. He's a funny guy. He has good fits. They're outrageous, but that's the same thing that we would do. Yeah. And I want to see how he gets full-size ropes through the eyelids of his shoes. That's a parable every morning. Yeah.

Okay. Yes, it really is. How do we snag Gene Markeith? I mean, he did an AMA and the boys showed out. Just don't let him know we're serious. We are serious. Yeah. And you could bring up Florida Boy Vel, too.

I'd be down. And I'd love to be in one of Vel's slideshows of what like uh body counts of my crew oh that's what yeah he does multiple of those oh it's all this whole account and what was jeans jean is in the thousands this is a little little a little morbid with those was there a little boy little man little d died so in the original he's right he's on t on TikTok, just giving the body counts of each of his crew members. Little D was a dwarven boy. Yeah. Man.

Yeah. He was a young man. Sure. Tragedy. Died, I guess. So rest in peace. For sure. That sucks.

From what we know, yeah. But that's the thing. That's why I want more Keith on. I want to learn everything about him. Kyle, we have two ads today. Can you guess the second? It's HelloFresh. They are.

Hello. I respect their persistence. With sticking with us? You know how, like, there's a little, like, that's, like, the. It's a bad thing to say. For, yeah, for not giving up. On us. Yeah.

Like, yeah, I mean, they're that successful. This has to be a PG ad, by the way. Yeah. What's the rule of PG? It's hard to make food. Damn. Yeah, they have good food. Yeah, we savor every last second of summer with HelloFresh.

We always have. They offer 55 weekly options. Damn. Kyle, what's the dish you always get? You made it for me once. The butternut squash? Yeah, yeah. It was the butternut squash soup.

It was brothy for sure. Well, that's the nature of soup. When was the last time you... Waiter. This soup's... Excuse me. Yeah, it was a little... Waiter. even then it was it was a little brothy because of how because how i made it how i heated it up it's you didn't have to do any when there was no

fucking there was no work just pressing buttons the microwave was i don't know it was it's good food and it's good for you and it's cheaper i ordered delivery from like uber eats based solely on convenience i don't want to leave my apartment but there is like the 12 in fees yeah you feel gross from the fees destroy you financially you don't feel gross from either so you don't have to get out of your house they'll deliver you the the good food that tastes good and is healthy for a discounted price where you save money and with a promo code i mean how much do you want off you tell us you tell them on the website anus one five you get 15 it's story one six though and you can do story one six if you want 16 free meals 16 free whoa 16 free meals yeah anything else to add to

that i'm trying to do the math that's if you do two the math. That's two. If you do two and a half a day, like I do, you do two and a half meals a day breakfast every other day, but yeah, it's a lot of days worth of food. Um, yeah, that is a hella fresh.

Thank you guys for sponsoring our podcast. What else? What else do you have? Talk to me. Gene Marquis. What do we got in the works here, Kyle? Owen?

Not much. Yeah? What are you allowed to say about Friday? I guess you teased it, right? Some new style jokes coming elsewhere. We'll bump them on our stuff. A dude hit on me when I was with my parents, and that was the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my life. What do you mean?

When we were in P-Town. I never got to say it. parents and that was the most uncomfortable i've ever been in my life what do you mean when we're in p-town i never got to say it all right you you last year you went to provincetown which is a very prominently gay resort has a man ever hit on you guys in front of your parents no yeah it's weird what happened we were at the pool i mean you willingly went to this very gay mecca with your parents yeah You knew what it was. You were probably wearing something cute. Like a cool...

Me and my dad, you probably had your hat backwards. I had my hat backwards. Your curls were hugging your ears. They were going very, very... I looked like I lived in Whoville. How did it go down? I was laying... Me and my dad were wearing

Matching shirts that we Bought from this store called mates And we don't We can't decipher the shirt I tell you guys about this Is it the bear it's a bear on Like a hunk of Velveeta cheese I can't tell when you like reminisce or like even Like tell us about

What you did with your dad if it's like a Playing into the joke that he's straight or it's not gay or gay no he sent us a picture of these shirts you're getting you got matching shirts he got a tank i got a t well how did that conversation go down was there like giggling involved like this would be fun no no we were walking around when my mom and sister were shopping we were just like walking around around and I walked in a store called Mates. It was like it was weird because the logo was a ripped mermaid, but the mermaid still had a man cock.

So like the tail started a little bit lower. What do you mean ripped? Abdominal muscles like eight of them. Something tore. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He was Jack. It was a male but his tail started lower it was a male man no i'm with a mermer man uh he was jacked his tail started lower so he could have a cock

um he had a man cock but like you understand and i went in and bought a shirt it was a bear with his little leg pointed up and he was laying on a box of Velveeta cheese So the bear is obvious The bear is obvious Velveeta cheese, I don't know And so I bought the shirt And I asked the guy at checkout Did you see the picture? Just a pure brick of golden cheddar

I should have fucking worn it Obviously the bear is very gay He has his leg pointed up I don't know any body sacrament that could be cheap. Redhead or uncircumcised? But it's on Velveeta cheese.

And I don't know what it means. You extensively googled it. I said, what's a Velveeta cheese gay? What's Velveeta cheese mean in the gay community? I asked the old fucking queen, Joey, down the hall. Nothing. What shop was it from from do you remember mates let's call them okay call them mates in provincetown that and but here's the thing he's going to already google that he knows he knows what wait what is it what is it i think it's a proper noun. I think there's a famous cross-dresser who went by Velveeta.

But was he a bear? Give me five more minutes. Yeah, sure. I asked the guy at checkout and he just giggled. He was like, I can't tell you. Oh, he said that to you? Oh, it's an inside joke. It's a very inside joke. That makes me want to know more. Yes. The diversity of the

U.S. gay community went on parade Sunday with celebrations in San Francisco and New York where participants ranged from lesbian farmers to a cross-dresser going by the name Velveeta Cheese. Doesn't sound famous enough. I know. Yeah. He was probably just wearing the shirt. I think it's the most well-kept secret

in the gay community. Is it a Messiah figure? Could very well be. But me and my dad were both wearing those he was laying down like catching rays I was reading on my Amazon Kindle and I

this guy came and like laid right next to me and he was like who are you here with oh that is uncomfortable yeah and he was like the guy was very much in like a not a thong but a small speedo but the speedo was like the cut of it so his like he was like the guy was very much in like a not a thong but a small speedo uh but the speedo was like the cut of it so his like dick was like turned up like um like doc's nose and what seven dwarves okay yeah i think his nose was did you see uh did you probably fight his story about like the the small dick competition in the bathroom yeah yeah thoughts on that that

was funny it was funny and i i i think i i would not have liked to be in the bathroom there so what happened was there was a group of very drunk guys at the spit and chiclets event they're all in the bathroom one guy whips his dick out shows it off flaunts it helicopters it and says i had like the smallest dick you can't helicopter a small dick. What did he do? I mean, I don't even know. I don't know what he did. He flaunted it. A helicopter has big ass blades.

Unless it's that back propeller of the helicopter. I guess it would be a pinwheel? He was rolling it around like the ball in an old mouse on a computer oh that works too like yeah the old laptops or the red dot the red dot that wasn't a method of convenience that yeah i feel like once you mastered it would be good i didn't like it have you seen the guy that invented the keyboard that's chords so he presses multiple keys at once he could type like 500 words

a minute because he had memorized like. Oh, that's sick. Yeah, it's like playing guitar. It's insane. It's nuts. Look it up. We have new merch coming out. I don't know if it's good.

We're not selling the hats. The shirts are good. I love the shirts. This one's a little orange. Yeah. Can we we need this in just. Let's talk. I'm a white, black, we need this in just a, let's talk. I'm,

I'm a white, black, dark gray guy. White, black, dark gray. And a creamer beige. But for some reason,

the red shirts work. Untold story. She lines. It's a gym shirt. You see the name bar on that one. Yeah. Do you think if we threw that on the tan one, they'd be a little better?

Yeah. Let's do that. Yeah. Let's do that. Yeah. And then we have uh you guys don't know uh three-quarter sleeve just says a new untold story like baseball t red sleeve white body hell yes we were supposed to get them for uh a photo shoot we have next

week and they were just like oh yeah we forgot to order them but guess what they i guess exist literally all right exciting time for the Anus podcast. Merch reached out to me today and asked if you two would go to pop punk wearing completely Barstool merch to be photographed in the wild. I said no. Are we that unknown in the Barstool world where they're like, look at these fans? Yeah, they weren't played. Yeah. No, I have a wedding. I'm going to Pat's wedding.

My boy with the big nut. That's right. Yeah. How are they using it uh there's multiple different things we're going to do like incorporate in the like the hashtag how what do you think i don't know well it's ball that's another name for a party yeah not single anymore not single that's how bad they would be those things you know yeah I think when he gets it drained I'm going to say something about like gonzo ball

you should sell the fluid for the slush fund raffle that off I don't want him to get it removed it's the only reason I like him isn't it really detrimental though yeah yeah I got it but I mean what's he need get it removed. It's the only reason I like him. Isn't it really detrimental though? Yeah. Yeah, I got it. But I mean, what's he need? What's what's he's getting married? Fuck that.

No, that gives us hope for all of us. He's disgusting. He is the nutsack of Quasimodo. Yeah, he does. He's disgusting. Nutsack belongs in a bell tower, dude. I'm just still thinking about what I would do if I were in the bathroom for that small dick competition. What would you do? Or the guy whipped out and then another guy did it.

I said, I have the small. Yeah. You know what I'm shocked didn't happen? A guy with an enormous dick went up and he was like, I have the smallest dick. Imagine booing a guy with a giant dick. That would be awesome. That's not small. I wouldn't have the balls to compete in that

i would have the dick to compete but i would just not i don't think i can get that drunk oh man um i'm losing my voice no i don't know i'm not complaining no things are going well are we doing are we recording i don't know no i wasn't recording no uh we have a lot of stuff in the works we have like that we're working with another podcast to do some jokes uh talk to hank about uh you and i kyle hosting a game show yes again our own we are with a little bit of a budget a little bit of a budget a little bit but not like a most dangerous they're a budget. A little bit, but not like a most dangerous. We will have a set, but it won't be traveling. It won't be the gray room.

It'll be, yeah. And then we were also approached to do a semi-real documentary. And then I... Sounds like you're on NPR. Right now? Yeah. Cadence was, yeah, it was good. Things have been good. Our life's been like, ooh-ah. Yeah, life's been awesome. Yeah.

So what are we looking to do with that one sort of a mockumentary blended with some some reality yeah i think we're going to try to convince people that it's a real documentary so the people in it think it's real but we think no it's fake like that i like that i like that a lot i think it'll be pretty cool um and then i've got some people asking about the sketch show. That's another thing that's been in the oven for about a year plus. Yeah, it's been tough. It's just a matter of when. It's hard to prioritize stuff. Yeah, we'll see how it goes.

I want to do some live shows. I don't know, Kyle, if you're on board with that. Also, dude, you turned your phone on do not disturb mode and have been gone. I use that as just an excuse. I always forget I turn it on. Yeah. You haven't. I haven't heard from you in like weeks.

I know. I know. I've been busy. It's just that I don't have Wi-Fi for friends and family. What have you been busy with? Trust me. I have been. I'll tell you about this and you'll apologize. Yes.

Thank you. Thank you. I also didn't know, but my Spotify activity is just public to anyone. That's embarrassing. I turned that very embarrassing. I know what I'm listening. I know what my playlists,

they found my fucking Aisha Curry playlist. Which is kind of like, just like a, you know, like a sensual playlist you have a sex no no not for sex that's i want to hear my fucking is it the playlist you send to girls no it's like it just like when i'm in that mood to just you know shake your body yeah just feel good has there actually been something going on that I'm going to apologize for? Yes. Yes.

Oh, I'll tell you afterwards. What's on the show right now? Reveal. Okay. Let me get back into it afterwards. Yeah. What is it?

Oh, nothing. Dude, I'm not actually going to fuck it up. oh man don't be a 12 year old you mean you're exactly reply to what i'm gonna say no you're just gonna say no that's a new one hey is that story over told It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story.

A new untold story.