A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 308 - Studio Charades (& the Knews/roast of KFC)

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

A New Untold Story: Ep. 308 - Studio Charades (& the Knews/roast of KFC) - Just blue raspberry guys being blue raspberry dudes - Full episodes also available on YouTube!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. Ready to roll whenever. Cool. A new untold story, episode 308. 308, the area code of what, KFC?

Des Moines, Iowa. Kind of close. Western Nebraska. Western Nebraska, the land of nothing. Yeah. That counts for me. That's a W for me. That's close enough.

I count that. That's the same state. Yeah, we're in KFC's studio right now. so if the podcast looks and sounds good you know who to blame um our audience is going to be shaken to know what i sound like wait that's what nick looks and sounds like we have the only podcast that's unlistenable literally like you can't understand what we say every time we're like out of the office it's Like, you can't understand what we say. Every time we're, like, out of the office, it's, you just, you can't hear us. It sounds like we're, like,

recorded into, like, a fucking Furby or something. Well, you got a crack producer. That's why, right? No, Owen's not the problem. It's usually Fasoli and us. No, thank you for letting- Are you hip with Fasoli? What?

Are you hip with Fasoli? Fasoli makes me super uncomfortable. Yep. Gives me, like, I literally go like this. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. And when he does this, that thing, what's that thing?

I don't know. I just want to know what race he is. He's the race of whatever food he most recently ate. It's unbelievable. It's so true. I've never seen anything like it. No, but thank you for doing this. You're going to be on the first half of the show for us

We're bouncing around today We're in this studio We're in the podcast The gray ones And then we're in the radio room We're getting bumped by a bunch of other shows Yeah I think getting bumped for Chris Clemmer's movie podcast

Is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard That's just the state of anus right now So you guys are on the up and out That's the state of anus That's not on him Who's that on though i don't know it's just i'm not blaming clemmer no no no i'm blaming you guys there's yeah it's us you guys should be like fuck you also there's a there's an oversaturation of podcasts not only here but everywhere you should throw a wrench at him yeah you guys should burst in there while he's recording i don't even think they've announced that that's a show oh well okay not breaking news um we start our show with a segment called the

news with a k um it's a direct rip off of like another programs kind of thing where we read news headlines we kind of make a joke this was short notice um it's earlier in the day it's right before the yak i don't have any jokes written oh no yeah i didn't do like the news segments i just did like some kfc roasts so, no. Do you have any jokes written fights? Can I just use yours? Thanks, man. Fights wrote some? I guess.

I don't fucking know. All right. The news. Hence the green screen. Oh, those are yours. Yeah. All right. I just passed them off.

All right. So these aren't good, though. We do this every week. They don't get better. They get significantly worse every week. So don't laugh. Let's just get through this. This is just a chunk.

Just just a back and forth. I have actual news headlines and then I have a section for KFC to read and I have a joke for you to read. OK, I can't believe I'm doing this. Yeah, thank you. All right. The news. Did you guys hear about this?

A traveling Harry Potter wax museum will be hitting the US and it will. They chose to include museum will be hitting the U.S. And they chose to include the figure of controversial author J.K. Rowling. Oh, wow. The first stop will be inside FedEx Field during the Commander's bye week. Fans of the team are ecstatic that the field is finally getting an artificial turf. J.K. Rowling does not like trans.

No, but speaking of the Commanders, it's finally football season, boys. We made it. We made it to football season. Everybody's favorite time of the year. I have a feeling this is going to be the most exciting year yet in the NFL. September 11th. Kickoff. Kickoff to September 11th.

That's right. That's right. There's a lot of news coming from the league. Buffalo coach Sean McDermott says he wants to limit Josh Allen's rushing to preserve his health long term. If it were that easy to stop a bill from a QB sneak, the Cosby show would still be in syndication. Rapist. 65 times. Times 60. That's right. And also. Just also walk in the streets. streets you know i'll just do it he might be at the game he's chilling he can go to the game if he wants and i'm sure brandon

walker would be stoked qb sneak is uh packer qb is when you put a bill we pick them up when you put a xanax in someone's drink without their knowledge. Yeah. I think he knows. You know that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, the NFL Packers running back A.J.

Dillon spoke up about being a Jewish person of color. A lot of people don't know. A.J. Dillon is Jewish. Jewish running back. Green Bay fans were shocked to find out. Do you hate Jewish fans? Yeah, he does.

Oh, you just tweeted that. Yeah, he tweeted that. That was just tweeted that. Yeah, he tweeted that. That was just a tweet on actually. I don't mean it. It's just a thing that I say. Green Bay fans were shocked when they found this out, saying he was too good to be cut. This one's really bad, but I have a quota to fill.

Didn't A.J. Dillon go to Boston College? I fill so didn't AJ Dylan go to Boston I don't know did he go to Boston College all right black Jewish running back Boston guy that guy he had to have been hated in Boston my god holy shit can we just like I'm going to say it but maybe quigs if you can like fast forward to this maybe

put like the two errors because i don't want this to be this is a bad one the kremlin has permanently banned actor sean penn from entering the country for a bunch of white russians they sure do hate milk jesus no that's that's what this one says joke can you read it again because i think you mispronounced something the kremlin has permanently banned actor sean penn from entering the country for a bunch for a bunch of white russians again i guess the first time was good yeah they sure do hate milk that was like the shortest joke i thought you didn't say one of the words. What word? Actor. Sean Penn. I don't have to say who he is. If we can edit it, that would help you.

Just say actor right now. I think it's a good joke. Douchebag. A love on the spectrum won the Emmy for... It's disgusting how often my mom begs me to watch this. Side note. It is disgusting.

You'd love it. Love on the Spectrum won the Emmy for Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program. Ironically, Emmy was the answer spelled out when the producers asked if I knew of anyone that should be on the show. Emmy, you.

Good one, Kyle. You guys, I don't know if you guys have heard about this. Jesus Christ. Barstool sports experience haver Ben Mintz found himself in hot water after posting a video of himself blocking an aisle at an LSU game. This is the first time he's metaphorically been in hot water, but he always finds himself there literally. He keeps getting fooled into a witch's stew. He is always tricked into climbing in a witch's cauldron as an ingredient for some sort of potion. She invited me in.

She told me. She told me to take my clothes off. I got in there, I saw a tail of a newt. Stirring it around. I don't know. Ben Mintz would definitely get fooled. Yeah. Enjoy.

There's so many jokes based on real things Mintz has done, but I like that's the most real would he would end up would end up in a witch's stew or made of candy or his hand in a hand in a jar of honey will happen by the end of the year he'll be swinging that thing around um this is a an inside anus joke uh We always have. I'm just going to do it anyway. You guys won't like this one, but I have to. Due to a major uptick in violent crimes, Philadelphia is hiring 40 new crime scene investigators. Their plan is eventually to have them as full fledged investigators, but they'll start with crime scene photos and tracing the bodies for chalk outlines. Trace arms and legs. Esto es como Bethany Hamilton.

Una surfa. She has only three legs. So we do a Bethany Hamilton joke every podcast. And we try to hide them inside. And this one was trace arms and legs as in the Spanish for three. You know what? Why don't you join us, KFC?

Sure. What am I reading here? You're going to read all these. All of these? Yeah, sure. Jesus Christ. Okay. A Philly crime scene.

I don't. I got another. More like John Fights. I told you not to do it because I have a John Fights jokes about Philly in here. You didn't tell me. I just did. You didn't tell me not to do it. I didn't know you were going to do that.

I didn't know you were going to do that. You can cut that. All right. This one is funny because it's true. The leg braces worn by young Forrest Gump are on sale, and the starting bid is $300,000. Wow. Whoever buys them will still not have spent as much money on child support as KFC has. Man.

Oh, man. Me and Brendan Fraser, bro. Oh, man. Me and Brendan Fraser, bro. I feel you, brother. KFC may have missed the boat on a $61 billion gaming industry, but he was right on time for the $65 Zipperless Moonman Parka industry. Nailed that one. Nailed the timing of that one. You know, you chose. Jake Paul paul chose the road less traveled gambling or zipperless parka i'm the only one to travel there is no one on the road

there's a second fork i'm begging for a second fork back. Jake Paul has recently said he is strictly a boxer now. No more acting, vlogs, or rap disses. Barstool's Kevin Clancy should step in and tell him how bad of a career decision it is. Hitching your wagon is just the fights. Big mistake. Big fucking mistake. Don't hitch your wagon to just fights it. Takes you nowhere, Jake.

Your fights are just a little bit better than mine. A Minnesota parent is outraged after she said her daughter read the word gay aloud in her health class. Aloud. Why don't you start from the tippy? This might take me a little while to get through this one. A Minnesota parent is outraged after she said her daughter read the word gay aloud in her health class. Allowed read gay is exactly how I would describe gayness. She's going to. allowed red gay is exactly how i would describe kfc's co-host john vital

yeah same here is that how do you say that keem kai i don't know keem street i think keem star keem street are you just guessing shit? Keem is bound to be Keem Star. Philly residents on Keem Street are worried about falling into a forming sinkhole from a waterline break. KFC was confused by this news because he usually hears about a John sucking through a hole, not into one. I guess that's all. That's what's in the news.

That's what's in the news. Kyle, do you have any? Yes. A loud red gay. Yes. Out of all of those descriptors, I think red takes the cake. Yeah. You've been.

Have you ever seen when Miss Pat came on our show? She straight up asked him what race he is. Really? And he was like, what do you mean I'm white? She goes, you're not white, you're pink. Yeah, you were particularly pink that day. Yeah, I don't know what. I wonder what your Pantone is.

That was hilarious. Because I might pluck your Pantone. You'd be good on like a kitchen wall, dude. It's a nice country kitchen. Am I pink right now? No. I thought you were really cool outside this week. There's a hue.

Do you want my Stry-X tinted moisturizer? It's makeup. I have rosacea, and it's like this men's makeup loophole. Yeah. Yeah. You've been preaching makeup. Just a little dab on each side and just takes away the redness He talks about it on the pod all the time

And then some guys that listen to it Have bought it and they DM Kylie Like dude you're gay this is just makeup Yeah dude It's tinted moisture If you use a lot and you don't rub it in Vigorously like yeah it's gonna look like You're made up

And they get so pissed I might start wearing it why don't we wear makeup we should why don't guys why do guys walk around just looking like a bag of shit dude i walk around looking horrendous all the time dude i'm glasses and hat i'd hide as much face as possible i'm incognito all the time if you were to like shave your beard shave your head and take off your glasses i don't think i know who you are no it would be a tough site but this is good though because now you can like you could probably murder someone. Easy. And easy.

I wouldn't feel a thing. I would sleep sound. You have any you have any jokes for us, Kyle? I know this was last minute. I was writing them in a restaurant this morning. Yes. What restaurant? The Herald. I have my

omelet if you want. Nope not at all kfc radio is just two kfc radio is just two retarded dudes just stop kfc radio is just two mentally disabled dudes who pretend to fit in with cool high school kids. At least radio is actually black and got playing time. Did he play? I don't know. I don't think he did. Yeah, he got more

playing time than you you I think you are the blackest guy at Barstool though oh god I genuinely do

um including Josh Bray that was good sense wait Coley's out above Coley's out yeah

Coley had the crown and then I have since taken on that title yeah I genuinely do think that. Somehow simultaneously the whitest and the blackest. Yeah. Yeah.

You're an enigma. Yeah. You can say it, but you're mad at yourself for doing it. Nick Hamilton is the blackest person on KFC radio. Wait, did I just ruin one of yours? No, I helped it. Because you treat him like a slave. Nick Hamilton?

Really, KFC? With the size of your mouth, I'm surprised you couldn't do more than give Hamilton a little cut. Unlike the tiger shark who managed to amputate Hamilton. Bethany? Bethany Hamilton.

KFC is a gigantic pussy. At least I started mine with news headlines. You're just going. Every one of yours has started with KFC. KFC is a gigantic pussy for someone who constantly tries to put himself in danger. Every time she answers one of his stupid hypothetical questions about sucking dick. He also is a gigantic pussy for someone who managed to get who manages to get in fights in the bathroom whenever he's at Hurricane O'Reilly. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Oh, he was just kidding. Okay, he's just kidding. KFC radio should be called the Cleveland Show. Fights looks like Chief Wahoo. Kevin is a guardian, I guess. Old white guy trying to talk like he's black. Kevin Love isn't promising anymore. Kevin Hart is small and black,

but will probably stop working soon. Kevin Durant, because he can't do anything else besides shouting at length in a wild, erratic manner. Oh my God. I'm so sorry dude great dude I'm happy happy you guys brought me on

great thanks for having us that was cool that was cool the KFC Clancy's Rainbow Six is LGBTQ plus his penis

is that the six? that's a decent some people say I'll take it it's better than everything else so far yeah my god Penis. Is that the same? That's a decent name. Some people say... I'll take it. It's better than everything else so far. Yeah, my God. Are you offended? No.

This is just jokes. I'd say Nick Hamilton. Okay, I should probably skip some of these. And the thing is, we didn't know we were having you on until about 20 minutes ago. So this is such a surprise. My God, Kyle. I thought we were roasting KFC. I thought we were doing the news.

We have that too. Do you want me to keep going? Me? Yeah. Yeah, go. Well, now I'm not. You offended Kyle. I'm sorry, Kyle. That's's that you don't have any more i have some more i don't want them you were tough to roast because what could we possibly make fun there's just nothing there you know there's no the reason we have a little hanging fruit there the reason

we wanted you on our show in your studio one it would work you know and we weren't getting bumped for a movie podcast um two we just got the green light to have guests on our show oh wow i know i know we just met with kelly martin oh like other people like real people like not like not people that have to do right much like charity right um and you guys are kind of the gold standard of having guests like who was the clip of the comedian that put you guys as number one? It was Burt Kreischer. Pretty cool. Burt Kreischer, yeah.

And we probably can't do that with our... I think we have Brian Baumgartner coming on. You can probably do some of that to Brian Baumgartner. You think? We could just call him fat and stupid or something. Right. You could be like, Brian Baumgartner like fat and stupid or something. Right. Like what could you, yeah. You could be like Brian Baumgartner. Stuff he already knows. Is fat and stupid.

Yeah. I'll just reuse my Brandon Walker jokes for him. A lot of those would apply. Yeah. Directly to Brian Baumgartner. No. And I also wanted to get you on because you and I have a lot of parallels that we know we're going to outlive our co-hosts by a large margin.

And like what's your contingency plan? I don't even need you I usually I write a little bit of the eulogy every night I just try to take a couple notes I have a blog and drafts Kyle period and it is fucking beautiful I've been saving up like I have like a little side account

saving for the casket oh yeah he could swing you think so what yeah casket yeah I think he could swing it You think so? What? Casket? Yeah, I think he could swing it. You invented Saturdays for the boys. He's smoking. He's smoking.

We're going to, we'll cremate you, right? That's the plan. You don't do Zin? No, I don't do Zin. I smoke cigarettes. Like a man. Like a fucking real man. It's way cooler.

Are you going to start? Oh, no. Are you going to start? Well, I think with the 70s throwback uh how cool it looks when you smoke cigarettes yeah we're gonna probably all end up addicted i know uh final bergen and nick hammy nick hammy nick nick has a strong strong love for cigarettes say that they're they're awesome looking like i if i think if they looked lame i wouldn't i don't get them because i like to feel like a High you don't you do with the cigarette. I never got that I never did I

Know I don't feel better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't get the post sex one either that was that weirds me out Yeah, I also don't get smoking cigarettes in like 100 degree heat that freaks. That's weird, dude Yeah, I might be too much of a pussy. Perky's. I think you, like, if I have the sniffles or if it's cold or too hot,

I don't think I, I don't have what it takes to get addicted. I, well, when I, when I do smoke, I don't inhale

like a big fat pussy. I just, it's an accessory. Yeah. It's one of the coolest accessories except, I think the coolest accessory is an apple.

Walking around, there's like something about it Just eating it or just holding it And you slice it you do that thing where you kind of like eat it off the knife I think you almost have to be leaning in a doorframe for that like like yeah What are you guys doing in there? I'm just imagine that That's fucking sick Bradad what about that with a cigarette can you do apple and cigarette kind of like have it on one side of your what do you do you do bananas bananas and cigarettes bananas and cigarettes that was a titleberg thing also

yeah you guys are kind of what uh you know what we want to be with guests and merch that people wear you look up to us for that? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, actually. Yeah, it's nice stuff. You have your own studio. It's what we want.

It'll never happen. Our show's not good. But, yeah. You think so, Kyle? Your merch is actually nice. Yeah. But we don't do ourselves any favors. Our podcast is called Anus.

No, but I think we need just more of a simplistic design yeah it's a little swaggy what do you think i don't know we we just got the worst sweatshirts ever sent into us and we i had to put my foot down gently what were they so our podcast used to be violet beauregard themed the chick that turned into a blueberry for sure for a too long yeah that was the mainstay of our show. And so we wanted purple sweatshirts

that just said Beauregard but like in like a college like stitched on font. Yeah. And they sent them to us. They're like, yeah, we couldn't do purple. So it was just like

a gray sweatshirt and they couldn't do it big. So it was only like three inches. So it was a gray sweatshirt that said Beauregard. See, I think people would buy that though. I think your idiot fans

would like that. Well, that works for like a small subsect of cult fans. We're never going to get a merch bonus. Oh, no. I mean, heavens no. Yeah, you're right. Let's set attainable goals here. I mean, come on.

Yeah, I remember. We're not putting out Mincy Land Delight. We're not putting out Mincy Land Delight. Mincy Milf over there. Dude. Man, I love fall. Come on. He's crushing. He's crushing the game. The best experience have her. Dude, man, I love fall. Come on. He's crushing.

He's crushing the game. The best experience have her in the office. No doubt about that. So happy. Yeah. Actually, one more thing, because I know you have to go

and we have to go on to the act. We're late for it already. You, of all people, you do like you're on camera from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. Yeah. How have you not lost your fucking mind? Oh, you do like, you're on camera from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. How have you not lost your fucking mind? Oh, yeah.

But like, you're not to the point of killing. That you know of. I mean, I think this train track, you know, this train inevitably ends in murder suicide. It's been a decade. Yeah, you've been on it since, what, 2011? Everything you do in your life, you transfer into something for the internet. Do you think that's healthy? No, no, no.

And I'm also the least successful person. I think like. You just hit 500,000 followers on Instagram. We're using you. Yeah, you have multiple channels with like that many. I would say most hours spent to like dollars earned or popularity earned i've got to be bottom of the barrel yeah that's not true are you comparing yourself to some of the best in the game

but the i mean we're on we're on we're on the air for like 10 hours a fucking day you know how do you do that like if you guys did anus for 10 a day. But you're larger than like really any radio personality. Well, yeah, let's again, let's be respectful. Fucking radio's dead, dude. These guys stink. Until you go back to it. Yeah, inevitably. That's why that's why it's also the title of our very poorly named podcast.

I don't want to hear it. You still might win that. I don't want to hear it. You still might win that. I don't know. The fact that your podcast is called Anus and it's still a toss up between our poorly named podcast speaks to just how bad. Very bad. Very bad. Fights.

How do you feel about that? You've been on the show for just pretty much just as long. You want your name in there? Oh, fuck no. Yeah. long you want your name in there you have to run into another show but I appreciate you just KFC Feidelberg radio podcast it's the KFC

fight well then there's a show no that's all that's all there was it's on and off titular you're the most titular guy in the audience. So titular. And then Clancy, Karabas, and Casey. Yeah. You missed that one?

No. Yeah. You don't miss Sirius? No. There's no feedback. It was only two. Blasting off into the abyss. Truckers on meth. Yeah. We met two or three swingyss. Truckers on meth. We met two or three swingers and truckers on meth

and that was what that was. No, but no, I appreciate you doing this. I didn't know Kyle was going to do that, so we can cut it if you want. No. Alright, we're moving to another studio. Standard roast. We're moving to another studio. That'll be the second studio.

What studio is the second one? Just the gray room that looks like a fucking Benedictine Mike Storm room. But not your regular gray room. No, it's regular gray room, but then we have to go to radio room. Alright. Thanks, man. This was mediocre, guys. This was incredibly

mid. This was mid. Thanks for letting us use your shit. Yo, can you retweet this? Yeah. We good? All right. Thanks again to Kevin.

Much appreciated. Much appreciated. We got bumped into this studio now. We're going to be in here for about 20. Yeah. Right? And we're going to have to go somewhere else to be in here for about 20. Yeah. Right. And we're going to have to go somewhere else. And radio room for a bit.

That's fine. Close out my apartment. Yeah, for sure. Like, you know, two podcast studios is enough for I think we have like 90 podcasts. And a lot of podcasts go live and you could probably get their tickets through game time. Yeah. We have a live show. I don't know if you get our tickets through game time, but maybe you can try.

You could try. And if you were not there there get them for somewhere else the same day um game time's a ticketing app as everybody knows we've preached them we've praised them um well deserved they'll get you into games for cheap they'll get you into concerts for cheap they'll get you into plays for cheap you can go see hamilton for like 50 cents um and guys download the app. Click the top right corner. Sign up and you'll get $20 off your first purchase if you use code. Untold 1-5. That's U-N-T-O-L-D.

It's just untold all caps. Yeah, they simplified it for us. They simplified it for us so more people can do it. Yeah, so thank you to them. All right. We got the news out of the way which is a relief uh what what's going on what's good i was hoping we'd have kevin the whole time because he can talk yeah he can talk non-stop i feel the need to compliment him now is it bad is it bad podcasting

that like every single time like we start recording and I'm just like, so what what do you want to talk about? I know I don't have any takes. I don't have any opinion. Oh, and you were partying with fucking you went to Tim Dillon's house. Yes. Yeah, I did. And you I think you said that, but I forgot. And then you were like, yeah, I'm just I just pulled up to Tim Dillon's.

Valid your car. Yeah. So he had sent me a like. Was it a montauk uh one of the one of the hamptons he had sent me an invite for it uh a while back and i was like fuck it i'm just gonna go uh so my girlfriend and i went out there and then yeah pulled up valet there it's at his house yeah in the hamptons yeah his vacation house. Is he balling like that? Yes. I found out throughout the day.

So there was valet. So then blew past that because then I needed to regroup. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. So then went back, valeted the car and then I spent the first hour kind of just standing there looking at people. Who'd you see?

Yeah. What is the scene? Yeah. Is it in a backyard? Is it formal? Is it, is it drunken? So what I'm picturing is back lawn, cherub fountain, like in like a three piece. I'm picturing like the wedding crashers house where they, where they stay.

Yeah. That's fair. Like type of yard. Yeah. Sandalwood. Are you familiar? fair. Sandalwood? Are you familiar? Brother. Nah. So like a beachy wood house?

That is the scent of my beard balm. Ooh, is that wood? No. Oh, good. Oh no! But yeah, just like a big pool Hamptons house. But it was like fancy where there's servers everywhere, but then it was like fancy where there's like servers everywhere.

But then it was a barbecue vibe, I would say. Was there like cornhole? Just pockets, people talking to each other. Everyone knew each other. I was the only non... Right. I didn't have a Netflix special. I was the only one.

Everybody else. Oh, guys. Hyrule. Big names. Yeah. Were you out of place? Oh, yeah. Yeah. at tire wise yeah yeah i wore blue jeans and a uh balls season two hawaiian okay but i feel like that's that's fair and garb yeah it's comedian garb yeah i don't know what would fit in to be honest just a black t-shirt and jeans. Louis C.K. was there. What?

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Describe that. Were people like standoffish or? No. He seemed to be a god amongst men. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Wrong place. A demon. All comedians are bad people. Right. I'm trying to think of one good one. If they're a good person, they're probably a bad comedian. That's why I don't want to do it. Pure of heart.

Trevor Noah. He's a bad comedian. He's an awful comedian. Maybe he made that Vulture list of top 25 up and coming comedians. Vulture top 24. It just came out yesterday of top 24 up and coming comedians. We would not have fit in on the list, you and I. No, there was two white men on it.

Well, one was born a white woman, I believe. And the other one. Yeah. Yeah. It was tough. Tough break for us. It's a one. Yeah. Yeah. It was tough. Tough break for us. It's a tough scene to break into. I know.

I will never try. Yeah. If you would have told me there would be more of us on the XXL freshman list. I have a better chance. Dude, we need to colonize. Yeah, we're colonizing the XXL freshman list now. We got pushed out of comedy, so we got to go. Yeah, much better chance. Actually, though freshman list now. We got pushed out of comedy, so we got to go. Yeah, much better.

Actually, though, Dickie. I know Babytron. Babytron's white? I don't know. You ever see him? No. It's funny. Is he ambiguous?

It's not like funny because of his race, but he's a funny looking gentleman. Racial ambiguity. Racial ambiguity. Racial ambiguity. Yeah. I mean, Pete Davidson has it. He's been crushing. A lot of board games, if you play with mini figurines,

the skin color is always racially ambiguous. Like you play Betrayal at the House on the Hill. Oh, baby. You want to choose Peter Akimoto. Okay. Baby Tron's not only ambiguous, he's like a little bit of everything. Really?

Yeah. I'll send a picture. And then androgynous is you can't tell the sex, correct? Right. That plays too. I mean, does it? I think so. If you want to be in like...

Yeah, because I would say Mick Jagger is androgynous. No way. In what world does he look like a woman? I think he kind of does. I think he kind of does. Maybe old Bowie sure was. Oh, Babytron is native? Is he a Sioux?

That'd be fire. There were a ton of natives in Alaska. He's rocking like a 2014 Bieber cut. Yeah, that's what makes me think Hispanic. True. Right? I don't know it's tough but it's like you can just tell i'm a white man yeah oh but the party bunch of white men yeah yeah uh and that was kind of it i kind of just looked at everybody and talked to the few people i did know did jess i wanted to go for the story. Am I allowed to say your girlfriend's name? Yeah. Did Jess, was she, did she know the people she was like around or was it like?

No. So she was just at like a random family barbecue to her. That's what it was. Yeah. So I was just like being weird and like anxious and nothing clicked to her. Is Tim trying to fuck you? Yeah. I'm trying to fuck Tim.

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. Like those jokes about like sass fucking him. I just heard those and I was like, I'm going to fuck tim yeah i guess so yeah yeah like those jokes about like sass fucking him i just heard those and i was like i'm gonna go for it yeah why not you're kind of the same build as sass doesn't aren't you his type tim's yeah yeah yeah no that works i mean if you want it'll be good for the pod it'll be great for the pod it'll be really good for the pod you can be higher i think we hinted at kfc i think we've been texting about getting like brian bomb gardner the kevin from the office on the show

but i don't know first option he's our yeah that'd be i mean that'd be awesome we're not his first option oh yeah i would love that yeah you know we met him right yeah he was on the yeah yeah i was seeing i wasn't that but we were so far away in the seat i didn't we were on the same show but i never saw him oh like how we were sitting on the in the seat. I didn't. We were on the same show, but I never saw him. Oh, yeah. We were sitting on the couch. Those couches were like 15 yards apart. Yeah, we were way far apart. That was a weird time.

Those live shows. Yeah. Because we couldn't drink. What? We couldn't drink. What do you mean? We were outside of the bar's like liquor license area. So we couldn't drink yeah you sure did

i sure did i made up for it with the preview that was um was that the start of your mental breakdown no it was like right after mental after your mental breakdown the podcast has gotten so much better yeah that was um that was like november october Yeah. Right after my sobriety stretch. Yeah. You're, wait, where was sobriety in terms of the mental breakdown?

Was it right before? Right after? No, the mental breakdown was, it was after sobriety. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

you broke sobriety on the mental breakdown episode. Wasn't it a water bird? Yeah. We were sitting here. We were sitting here. Like a damn good product episode. Cranium. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you broke sobriety on the mental breakdown episode. Wasn't it a water bird? Yeah. We were sitting here. We were sitting here like a damn good product episode. Yeah. Yeah. We were sitting here and I had nothing to say. And I'm like this. Fuck this. And I was about to I was about to just walk out. Have you thought about like early on? Have you thought about like quit like not doing a podcast? Maybe it wasn't for us.

Well, yeah, I did, too. A lot. It's not. Yeah not yeah but also thank you for saying that like i stopped drinking and also there's days and weeks i feel like i don't have to say anything i got nothing to say zero yeah when you drink or when you do substances it's just like everything seems more interesting coming out of your mouth i've embarrassed myself knowingly when I'm drunk yeah but in general it's like yeah this is awesome what I'm saying dude I was tailgating

the Pitt West Virginia game it was fun at first really fucking hot but like the fans the opposing fans very mean Pitt fans mean to us. Pit fans? Yeah.

Pit guys are the biggest dickheads. But like there was this group of good looking girls walking past pit fans. They were wearing like hot sunglasses, you know, as kind of like the ones Joe Burrow was wearing. She like moved them down a little bit and like looked at me and I was like, oh, she's probably going to she wants my fucking cum or whatever. I don't, I don't know. Yeah. You know what?

What a girl looks at you. What do you think? And, um, she, uh, she was like, you smell like incest.

And I was like, Oh, and then I like was like, well, then I was like, how do you know? And then she's right. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good point. And so I'm, she's probably listening right now. So gotcha. Big bitch, big bitch. She's probably going to age. So gotcha. Big bitch. Big bitch. She's probably going to age poorly as women do.

Petrociously. It's unfair. Oh, yeah. It's unfair. Look up Richard Gere. He's like 70 now. Yeah. He could just be in Pretty Woman, the sequel, as if it happened the next day.

Yeah. Men in Hollywood, it's fine wine. And then it's milk on the other side. I don't think it's fair. No. And then once we, we haven't even figured out makeup entirely. Men? Yeah.

Once we get that down. Is that what it is though? You could change your entire face tomorrow. And I mean, when you put the glasses on, go no hat shave, different guy. Yeah. It's a good feeling. It's a powerful feeling. Yeah. creatine is

lightweight wavy just started you just started creatine it's fire for not even like i was like this is uh i think it outperforms um antidepressants creatine on treatment for depression what's it do what's it doing what what's it doing to you? It just made me feel good. Okay. And it works. I was getting at least like two extra reps in that I wouldn't have gotten. You putting into shakes? I just took the pill.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And I've upped my protein and calorie intake pretty significantly. I saw you eating today. Yeah. You were doing, which is weird. I'm now eating, which is just, I'm now like, oh, wait, I can, because I would go would go i sometimes i wouldn't eat yeah and you guys would always make fun of me in a kind of a joking manner i was like that now that i think about that's terrible yeah so malnourished yeah but i don't you don't want to look like that picture we saw last that's what i'm saying i was even

looking at other pictures where even like before i was fat it was just like the face. Your face was grew out. You look like Arnold. And my eyes were like crooked. Yeah, dude, it really. I was like thinking I wasn't drinking water and I was drinking a lot of alcohol. How much water you drink now? I'm guzzling. But it's not worth it. I don't.

I'm shitting and pissing. I'm shitting and pissing so fucking much. And I know people always say that. And like, there's only so much shit talk and piss talk, but I'm doing it so often. So often. And I'm very, I'm actually to the point where I'm very concerned. And with your shits. I'm concerned about the quantity of my mixturations and the quality of my defecations.

So, okay. The quantity of your. Peas. Okay. And the quality of your. Of my poops. Okay. Because they're not just big.

They're odd. Odd. My number twos would disintegrate a Scantron. That's a tougher piece of paper. I think there's like a coating. And I won too much. But that's been the case. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. And I won too much. But that's been the case. Yeah, that's it.

Yeah. Feel better though. Whose bar was that? I won too much, but that's mine. It's not your bar. My bar. You don't have, and that's not your bar. I actually, I have so many bars.

I could be a rapper. Because a lot of what I say rhymes and it's swaggy and it's. The things you say aren't swaggy. Kinda. That was pretty swaggy. What's's swaggy and it's the things you say aren't swaggy kinda that was pretty swaggy what's a swaggy like my number twos could disintegrate a scantron sheet I'm definitely afraid he's very right yeah that's swaggy yeah that's swaggy

I didn't even get it at first I didn't number like it yeah um I had my fantasy draft this weekend and my punishment for the league is if you lose you have to grow out your pubes for a year and then you shave them and you put them

into like this an autograph box for a baseball so like a clear cube I talked about on the rundown but my buddy Marcus lost two years in a row alive Marcus and dude look at the box of pubes. Ew, dude. Yeah, dude.

And so the loser of this year. Who's that benefiting? It's the losing trophy. That's the punishment. You got to grow your pubes out for a year and then you have to add your pubes to the box and give it to the next loser. And he has to keep it? Yeah. So it's like on his nightstand.

But it's gross. That's a tumbleweed. Yeah, it's the size of astand, but it's, that's gross. That's a tumbleweed. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's a size of baseball together. It kind of,

yeah, it's well, all of us are white in the league, so it's not, you're not really going to, it's always going to be like a Brown shades a little bit, but, uh,

I have some grays on my balls. You have grays on your balls. Yeah. Like some gray hairs. Your girl grazed on my balls, like an antelope in the sahara hyenas don't graze i don't know they poach what else what else what are we talking about on this how was your weekend other than getting yelled at by the fans um i took the train down right

altuna curve yeah the altuna curve was it i mean it's i've been on it now probably 15 times but it doesn't make it any less magical um i'm getting really good on the train i just know what exactly what i'm doing i know when the cafe is so binary you're either on it or you're on no no i'm'm very good. I know when the cafe car is busy. I know what time to get there, so they're making DiGiorno pizza, and I just consider the cafe car. I got all the workings. I hate that you use the word good

like it's a skill. I'm doing well at the train. I'm sorry. Everything's for a good start. It's somehow worse. I'm doing well on the train. I just look menacing enough to where nobody sits next to me because I wear a hoodie. Just bulk up, put the hood up. You do have your beards intimidating from afar and then cute up close.

Yeah. It was really long in Alaska and it was horrible. I don't know how dudes... People liked it. People thought it was cute. Yeah. I don't know how dudes grow a huge beard. It's just a fucking nuisance i just

do it to hide more of me what percentage of my face do you see clearly right now what percentage of my face isn't marred by something my nose yeah and how's your how's your lip is it wet still wet i've been touching it so much wiping it off i have a pimple there now i've been breathing better than ever why what? What have you done? I just stopped thinking about it. No shit. It's fake. Yeah, it's all in my head.

Again, no shit. It's not a pulmonary issue. You thought it was a pulmonary issue? I thought it might have been. Yeah. I don't know. Could be. What are you?

You hyped yourself up. I'll hype myself. What did I hype myself up? You said you were really good at the train. Yeah, that is true. All right, well, hype yourself up. I'll hype myself. What did I hype myself up? You said you were really good at the train. Yeah, that is true. All right, well, hype yourself up. I'm beloved in East Harlem. What are you?

So I do. Go on for as long as you can. I just go to every Planet Fitness I can because I'm a black card member. Wait, is that a higher level of Planet Fitness being black card? Yeah. Explain. Do you pay more? I can do massages.

I can do tanning beds do you no but i can go to any planet fitness isn't that any planet fitness number stack yeah no no no so i went to the east harlem one took the gen 2 city bike at six in the morning go quick if you want to if you want to enjoy life like there's only a few things that like i like or that is that are fun yeah and that's one okay i figured that out gen 2 city bike in the morning when the streets are empty any time after nine you're fucked you're yeah i would be hit by a car pretty quickly so dangerous yeah yeah okay then people there just fuck with me like the vibe they liked me did you stand out i was i was the only white okay yeah person yeah but like and i was but i was i was trying to get zen and it's it's another world up there they don't know what it is zen in east harlem i popped into every bodega deli everything that

would typically have zen and every time i asked it wasn't just like no it was it was like what the fuck it was like the one guy was like what where did you come where are you coming from with that noise i was the lower manhattan down the street i was like what the next guy was like do you want do you want to buy weed i was like no zin then he just handed me a menu of his weed it was no they don't have zin yeah but um i was thriving there they all liked me and like were they like fucking with you like saying something or was it just like you could tell by they were looking at me and how'd you how'd you perform at planet fitness the best

i've ever done creatine i've been eating a lot protein yeah crushing protein things have been going really good for you i don't know i don't know about the protein because i think you can only only think you can only get like benefit of 25 grams at a time and i thought i could just load them up at once and do like 100 at once and that's terrible for your kidneys i guess probably um i'm going to change the subject because i don't give a fuck um i would love to talk about like, yeah, this macros, all of it. I am not going to name any names. I'm not going to give them too many details.

This is a story from a couple of weeks ago. You had a friend come visit you. They were going to stay for the week. She's not. She's she's a she. Not she's not a non-bite. It's one girl. One she here.

You had a she come visit. I didn't, she's not a non-bite. It's one girl, one. She, her, you had a, she come visit. I didn't know she was coming up. I like her. Uh, you and I are in the bar together. I turn around, she walks in. I'm like, Oh my God, I didn't know you were going to be here. Like gave her a hug, gave you a hug. I was like, are you here to see friends?

And she's like, no, I'm here staying with Kyle. And I'm like, Oh, cool, cool, cool. And then I go up to Kyle. I'm like, dude, we're going to Alaska tomorrow. And the color just drained from your face. Yeah. Because I could have sworn that's a Monday deal. I didn't know we were doing weekend work.

I did not know the flight. You drained like a cartoon. I didn't know the flight was on Saturday. And I just left the bar. I was like, I don't, I fuck with you. You did i just left the bar i was like i don't i fuck with i fuck with you but you did leave i left i was like all right i don't want to be here i don't want to be here for this and i haven't really talked to you i like you got to the airport very late and disheveled and then we were like so busy in alaska and i didn't want to bring it up

but now i kind of do yeah i did not did not know this. Yeah, you invited somebody. They flew in as soon as they landed. They landed at like 10 o'clock at night. We were at the bar. You saw her for four hours. It was a good four. It was like a strong four. Oh, yeah.

Like a lot of memories made in the four. Yeah. I felt bad. Yeah. To say the most how did you break that to say it was still it was it was preliminary enough for her to not like she flew out to see and she couldn't express anger because yes she could she didn't she flew here yeah to see you i know you forgot you were going to alaska oh yeah i don't think the city where i was going matters but yeah yes it does yeah that's very you can't

even fucking text her it's the time difference is so severe yeah and i didn't leave the key what the other day because i was like i don't want to like because i'm when i come back i don't want to have to it's going to be like late at night or very early i don't want to have to deal with getting into my apartment so you can stay free of charge you're just going to have to not have a key no shit dude you made her fly to you and you forgot to tell her you weren't going to be there multiple options i said without the key it's kind of better because now you can either stay as long as you want or leave and stay outside for as long as you want but not you can't do both oh my god no i felt terrible yeah that was

bad that was bad yeah um good girl though thanks no She's nice. And you treated her right because you used Manscaped while you were in Alaska. I didn't. And I felt. Yeah. No. It was a post-mature shave. No. No.

No. I should have done this earlier. You used it. Your dick was looking like the wildlife Alaska bear. You used a lawnmower 4.0 with the skin safe electric trimmer the weed whacker for your nose it was the best stuff and you used it your bear frictionless environment down there all there was only dick you could not see anything else but dick nothing obscuring that uh the shears 2.0 which is the nail kit it's the best we all use

it everybody on the show so yeah it's incredible think of Owen. Think of me. Think of Kyle. No hair around our dicks. Think of us while you do it. Think of how we do it. The different techniques. Think of ours. 20% off free shipping with code ANUS at manscaped.com. 20% off code ANUS at manscaped.com.

A little bit similar to that story. I got a DM from your friend, Mac. Oh, yeah. He loves you. Yeah. Great guy. Like him a lot. You shouldn't. He says a lot of out-of-pocket things. He does. What is he? Nonsense. Does he say something

nonsensical? No. He texted me. He's like, I'll see you the 26th, the 21st through the 26th. Fuck. Yeah, no. Mac's one of my good friends. Probably one of my best friends. He said, I'll see you the 21st through the 26th. And I said, oh, shit. What's up? then i was like my one of my good friends probably one of my best friends and i said i'll he said i'll see you 21st through the 26th and i said oh shit what's up and he was like i'll be i'll be staying with kyle i get right to kyle dude we're going to new orleans the 21st to the 26th the exact exact date i felt bad again yeah mac said he could get the flight refunded dell couldn't okay yeah we were going to go to

the chain smokers we're going to go to the yankees game and all these plans um yeah i don't know i don't have um i don't know if that was on me though i think that that new orleans trip was up in the air it could have been yeah it could have been earlier or later uh-huh no um but no i'm looking forward to that. Sorry to Mac and Dell. No, they're coming in October. I'll have a blast. What day is it in October? I told them, listen, boys, I got the slightest bit of bad news.

And I have the greatest news ever. Bad news is that the flight that you paid for to come see me is in half. You can't do it at all. I know. The great news is, because you always say the bad news first. Sure, yeah. Of course, they like sighed a little bit. The great news is that October in New York is the best month to be here.

That's right. You can come then. You can come a few weeks later. The good news is you lost money, but you get to wait longer to come hang out. But October is the best month. What days are they coming now? We have to decide. I don't know.

And October is neat because there's less hours in the day to do stuff. Yeah, yeah. Because we're going from the Philly Dozen. We have to take a train up to Boston for the live show. We have some surprise guests coming, too to very, very easy to guess. I feel like I'm going to be surprised, too. Yeah. Yeah.

You always are. You always are. I you're having that issue. I negate that problem by like not having anybody come up to see me. Try as I might. I don't believe that. Try as I might. I believe it.

Yeah, I believe it. No, they just stay at my dad's because my dad's only in the city like a week out of the month. Oh, shit. You've had friends come visit you and they just stayed at your dad. And then like I did like fun thing. And I like try to get a hold of them. They just were like, hey, man, sorry, I was out. And then they just go back.

Yeah. Hosting sucks. Because I'm always like this. They're not having fun. They're not having fun. They're not having fun. Everything I pick is not going to be fun. I act like I'm a millionaire when friends are in town.

And I'm not trying to flex on them. But I'm just like. Me too. They flew out here to see me. That's expensive. I spend so much. Then again, I'm saving them thousands of dollars for a hotel by staying with me

and I'm giving them my bed. I'm sleeping on the couch. But let me buy this dinner. Let me buy tickets to this Yankees game. I don't know why I do it. I think I'm afraid to lose them. Because this job has made me a pretty bad friend. No, it's made me a horrible

friend obviously and not and i hate it um yeah i don't respond to texts they're like yo what's going on i'm bad with i'm bad with text i treat text like emails and now it's also hard because like i think you guys use your social battery at work yeah i guess so and i used to clown like intro like i i think i just am introverted and it and i it drains me to to talk to people you're a popular around people you're and i feel so so much comfort when i'm alone you're a popular introvert i'm a gentle monster conversation is just they i'm always anxious getting home post irish exit is orgasmic right like being alone yeah i like when you get back and you already get a text from somebody that was leaving they're like hey man i left you're just like oh fuck yeah yeah and the relief

from a bad thing feels better than just a good thing happening to you that's why i kind of like i think it would be kind of nice to have like a wife that you don't really like in kids like the feeling of when you get the alone time yeah i don't know no no no i wouldn't get into i wouldn, I would treat marriage like what it is. Which is? It's forever. Wow, man. Which is, it's easier in our position. But when you're in like a small town.

Oh yeah. A traditional lifestyle, you gotta rush it. How small is your town? Like our town, all of our friends are just marrying girls that have not hooked up with the friend group. i mean my town i grew up in is tiny but it's surrounded by town so it's it's not like that in that sense but remember the up at that high school uh the kid who uh when we went for whatever oh yeah we that first rediscovered high school was guys, eight girls, and they all just like linked up in eighth grade and dated until they met. The guys had the same girlfriend since... Mackinac City. Yes.

He said there was like eight kids total in their class. Yeah. Four girls, four guys. And they just chose in kindergarten. And they live lifestyles where you stay there. You gotta just like draw sticks for the best. But they are significantly happier. They like go on fucking trips. They're chilling. But it's just like draw sticks in your in your pressure but they are significantly happier they like go on fucking trips and they're they're they're chilling but it's just like yeah you choose the one kid was like this the valedictorian whatever that's worth and like the star athlete

whatever that's worth sure in the aki hat he was dating like the pretty girl yeah for whatever that's worth whatever that's worth and like what, what are the other kids doing? Yeah. Or like, because like the looks might not scale down proportionally. And then if they run out of options, like an emo kid gets paired with a Mormon girl. Doesn't work. Even like in Alaska. It's just like the, the confident, the most confident guy is the one with the, the only attractive girl.

Yeah. In town. Cause he just tried. What a feeling that would be. To be the only guy in town with a decent wife. Choosing to go play. I think my interests let me be the most attractive guy in my hobby's

field in some places. And that's where you guys fucked up. You like EDM? Hell fucking no. There's a bunch of dudes looking like ziz around. Dude, even folk music. you're competing with the bands i got it's it's i'm not like the the biggest looker but but like in my subs i chose wisely yeah my interests are like music music festival people are like hot edm and bodybuilding now yeah dude yeah and i you fucked yourself oh my god and

it's it's all my uh like instagram explore right you're constantly comparing yourself to that happening to me and i'm very like i'm very cognizant that it's happening and it's like i'm in it i think i'm stuck are you forever is that I'm going to keep trying to get bigger and stronger. We're getting to the point in our lives where our next hobby will be the one we dedicate probably the more than half of our life to. I know. I know. Choose wisely, dude.

It's everything. Yeah. And then like this field, like everyone around us is more popular. Yeah. Famous. Yeah. Hanging out with celebrities. Yeah. For sure. like everyone around us is more popular yeah famous yeah hanging out with celebrities yeah for sure but i like what we're doing yeah i'm happy whoa

it's weird it's what you're due for you're're due. You're very, you're the most maybe cyclical guy I know. And you, you, you were really happy when you were sober, you're feeling great. And then boy, was that a low of the low and that was end capped with the lip bump. And then you came back after winning the show.

So when I find something that makes me happy or makes me feel good, I just abuse the hell out of it. Like non-human, what non-human what non-human non-human yeah yeah yes great yeah you chose the word abuse i understand what you mean though you're you're not breaks off you're not somebody who does things in doses you take well yeah yeah i kind of like it. Because I know what it's going to be. I'm going to get really into lifting, lifting, doing all these proteins, these supplements.

And then it's going to get old. And then by the time it's old, I'm going to, the new, the next thing, starting from scratch, is going to feel thrilling and like a high. But are you afraid? Because when people get really into lifting and stop, they get fat. No, I will never get fat again. I will not even remotely. I will never.

He was. I will never. Look at his face in that picture. And I'll never get portly or fluffy even. Yeah, fluffy is fair. You, I think it was like,

maybe it was the mustache week, but you were on lowering the bar wearing a green flannel. I think it was around Christmas time. You were, you were swollen a little bit. Legitimately swollen. And it took me like four months to even realize. It's weird. I looked in the mirror.

I was like, oh, whoa. It happens so slowly to you because you see yourself all the time. And when you look in a mirror, you do hot guy face. So you look good. And I convinced myself I have reverse body dysmorphia. There's no. So like your body's rocking and. No, I have reverse body dysmorphia. There's no. So like your body's rocking and. No, I'm not.

I'm not fat. No way. More people would tell me if I was. No, people don't just do that. Yeah. People aren't you. I would never do that. You could lose a lot of weight by using HelloFresh, boys.

You can. What dish did you just make from HelloFresh the other day, Kyle? What did i get the the turkey uh the turkey burger wrap that's right barbecue sauce sour cream and uh i added avocado spread smash avocado smash this was actually from oh no this wasn't hella fresh this was no no this is this is good this is good this was from uh muscle maker no that's not good muscle maker grill and i know i listen i paid 23 total oh my god delivered it was average and that's what people do when they when yeah when you're using those hello fresh 25 less expensive yeah it's better food better quality and best fall flavors it's cheaper you're saving money cheap cheap and it's better than going to the grocery store getting a bunch of shit binging, letting it go to waste because they'll just give you the meals.

You'll eat it onto the next. That's right. Hello, fresh dot com slash story. One six. Use code story. One six for 16 free meals across seven boxes. Three free gifts. Hello, fresh dot com slash story.

One six. Dalvin Cook fell to me in the ninth. Come on. Come on. Come on now. Did you do anything fun for the draft? A race? Yeah.

So I bought, I'm the commissioner of our league. It's our 10th year, actually. And I've spent like $400 on like a I'm trying to really, really, or these high school friends. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm doing, uh, I bought this really nice, like league sanctioned marble racing kit with

all the accessories, tubes, a chain lift, uh, everything took me like three hours to set up. There were four different paths. It sucked. It was just not fun to watch. You couldn't follow your marble. there was 12 guys in league so i ran up to cabela's and i just bought bait and we had we raced worms that's pretty good it was way better everybody had a squirt gun and we could squirt our worms like that yeah and uh i had the slowest motherfucking worm it's tough Slowest worm. Been there. Yeah? Yeah.

With what? Can you just blow me first? I got a slow worm. I got a slow worm. Alright. Feel like we're winding down a little bit. Good episode. We have a live show coming up. We switched pod rooms. You can't tell, but we did switch pod rooms. Room three. We're a live show coming up. We switched pod rooms. You can't tell, but we did. We did switch pod rooms. This is room three. We're getting jerked around.

Live show, Laugh Boston. Please be sure to get those as soon as you can because we only have a couple hundred tickets left. And if you buy now, you'll probably still be able to get front row. There's 314 left. We're going to get there that day, but if anybody's

boozing up somewhere we'll go with you beforehand it's not even gonna be much of a podcast we have the tomatoes we have special guests we have a KB musical number that I wrote that he Jesus we have a full set being built Mook will be opening up a comedy it's gonna be a good night hell yeah

gonna be a good night and people have reached out to me tickets yeah we have that link is the link easy to find yeah okay because i got a some rant people have my number so some random guy texted me what was that weird text you got from a guy um he just said hey kb how do i get tickets to the live show baby and then i went back went back, scrolled up, and then prior to that he was like, he just texted me in July. Come on, man. You know you want a baby. My hemorrhoids feel like

chewed up gushers right now. That's a line from you. Oh. That's a KB line. Please help. Before you knew it was yours, what were you going to say about it? I was going to say how stupid that was. Yeah, that was a meal.

You're sitting on a big concrete ear of corn. The context made that funny, yeah. If I was on any other object. No, it had to be that. It had to be a very oblong piece of corn. It had to be on the largest domestic corn. Yeah, you had to be on a big corn. That's why. Cornhenge.

Context. Also, we have the the Rediscovering America Buffalo out Friday, which I forgot we did it. I don't know. I was like pumped for like everyone. Alaska. Watch the video. Alaska's

we still have New Orleans before Alaska. No, but what? Jesus. Yeah, it's at the finale before Alaska. Alaska in December. We still have New Orleans before Alaska. No, but what? Jesus. Yeah, it's at the finale. Before Alaska? Alaska's coming out in December. That's what I'm saying. I mean, I thought Alaska was the next one coming out. Forgot about Buffalo. Watch that. And we have New Orleans. Yeah. And then Alaska. But I don't remember one thing from the Buffalo other than

I'm a blue raspberry guy. I don't remember that. Yeah. I can't tell you one thing we did there honest to god holy shit we yeah we're just i was disgusting and filthy you guys went okay yeah there lock port what do we do we i don't you probably don't even remember that we did like a cruise like an elderly cruise oh yeah on the fucking eerie canal i was so fucking tired and did not give a fuck. I did not give a fuck about these locks.

That was insane. We were just chilling and we had to... We went to Wingnuts. Wingnuts, good wings. I wonder how that was edited because there was some goofy shit said. Yeah. About blaming some people for COVID. Oh, there were some sentiments. Yeah. Yeah, yeah yeah about blaming some people for covid oh there were some sentiments

yeah yeah yeah there were some takes oh wings were good though the best the best yeah so watch that i guess i i don't think i will be but i don't i i don't like having a video come out not knowing what does that mean like i don't like knowing what's in the video. It's like the case race for you guys. Yeah, it really is. Oh, also we're going to be going back and some of our pre YouTube episodes that weren't entirely too bad. We're doing like, just like slideshows to put out just on the YouTube.

Yeah. So the excerpt of summer of Chris will probably coming out. It's probably already out. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Lots of stuff. 308. A new one told story. Thank you guys. It's probably already out. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Lots of stuff. 308.

A new untold story. Thank you, guys. Kyle Hedden with a blue raspberry guy. I'm a blue raspberry guy. It's the same inflection that you do with your Sopranos impression. Oh, my whole world's gone. Yeah, it's the same.

Oh, also. It's level. There's levels. I thought a ton was 1,000 pounds. That makes so much more sense than it being 2,000 pounds. Let me get that off my chest. Sorry, that was really embarrassing for me. What? No, you accidentally solved the metric system, dude.

Yeah, for my Lizzo joke, I said 1,000 pounds and not 1 ton. 2,000 being a ton makes no goddamn sense. Yeah, because 1,000 is still a lot. I mean, you'd still say, oh,000 being a ton makes no goddamn sense. Yeah. Because 1,000 is still a lot. I mean, you'd still say like, oh, she weighs a ton. Yeah.

I just wasn't being literal. Pushes up the 3D glasses with no lenses. Yeah. That's a half ton? Yeah, my god. You used to do that. You used to push it. You used to keep your real 3D glasses after movies. Yeah. I would do a lot of things. Yeah. As is the nature of a being um

me too dude uh-huh you drum yeah i did too man oh fuck i'm not happy anymore i just remembered persian poet oh no at persian poet they're tagging up your neighborhood my new least favorite person and just ruined the streets that i walk on the sidewalks with they are everywhere it's this just i think it's you dumb i think it's a fight club situation you have going on it's this girl you're tyler durden oh i've seen them too it's just like it just says smile it's not over then like the quote like from at persian poet you didn't say you didn't say that doesn't mean anything that doesn't what else do you have anything you're just writing smile it's not over it's it looks it's fucking uh the girl who would

aggressively do the notes in class like with like the perfect yeah with like the doodles and she's dumb oh yeah i know i know exactly the girl dumb yeah you just did the notes you did them well crafted yeah feed your dreams starve your doubts hyphen persian poet no you didn't don't go back to your ex it's a trap oh uh fuck fake moaning if the dick is oh that's a different that's i like that one was that one spray painted somewhere yeah fuck fake moaning if the dick is bad pull him close and start booing in his ear that's happening fake moan every time yeah please love yourself first persian poet smile it's not over have you seen all of these in the wild they're everywhere and they're they're fuck persian persians need some more shit they need to get more And they're, fuck Persian. Persians need some more shit. They need to get more shit.

They're, I mean. Okay. I, don't say. They're full of themselves. Shout out Gene Markeith. He invented upside down pants. Did you see? No, I haven't kept up with Gene.

He bought a pair of kids pants, cut off the legs and put the waist at the bottom of his pants. And then he bought another pair of kids pants and made them the sleeves of his shirt. So he was wearing upside down pants, tops and bottoms. He invented the upside down pant fit. It is fucking sick. So shout out Gene Markeith up next. Oh yeah. Do you see the upside down pants?

I don't they look awesome. Yeah and he has a YouTube tutorial so subscribe to his YouTube. Yeah he's who I have to get in here. He's our white whale. Well, yeah. Yeah. You understand what I'm saying?

An orca. More so. An orc. No, dude. Stop with that. Yeah. It's always a crossword answer. Orc.

Yes. And the clue is always. Lord of the Rings baddie. Baddie. What does that mean? They're the baddies. What does baddie mean? They're the baddies.

Like a thought? No. It's a Lord of the Rings baddie. Because if you said villain, you would probably say Saruman or Sauron. Okay. Or maybe like using one of the orcs proper names like Gothmog. Yeah, you would say Gothmog. Yeah, you would say Gothmog, KB.

I'm going to go shoulder press 60 pound dumbbells. So you guys want to keep that conversation. You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby. I'm out. It's a fresh big untold story A new untold story