A New Untold Story - A New Untold Story: Ep. 311 - A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

Venus, Venus, Venus...what are we going to do with you? Featuring special guest Tomatoes. ADS: Betterhelp Go to https://barstool.link/BHStory for 10% off your first month Gametime Download the Gametime app at https://barstool.link/GametimeApp and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Southern Comfort Learn more at https://barstool.link/SouthernComfortBSSYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story, 311. What's the band? Yeah, I know. But like Amber, I know Amber, but I don't know the lyric.

I don't know how that song goes at all. I just know it's a song. Area code of New York. I heard Amber like a court case. That's pretty. Is that a bar? I heard Amber like a court case. Right. But like, what was that? Did you take that a bar? I heard Amber, like a court case. Right.

But like, what was that? Did you take that bar? Johnny? Uh, we have one of our rarest Kyle's with us today. We have a sick Kyle. You're never sick,

but today sick as a dog. I took a sick day. Uh, I don't know what's good with me. I was so worried about you being sick I didn't have the chance to write jokes for the news dude

you're probably freaking out right now is it in my asshole nah it's in my fucking pocket dude this is gonna be people calling me like how does he never know I mean you're good with it I'm nice with it.

This is a really half-assed news day for me because we are writing the news as well for our live show, our sold-out live show at Laugh Boston, which will have special guests, tomatoes, and I guess that's the two things we're asking we should do a poster with special guests tomatoes we should sell a poster it's just like anus live with special guests tomatoes it's like they could have just put and but just a comma uh we need more non-human special guests yes imagine the pop for tomatoes when they come out on stage holy shit ladies and gentlemen tomatoes what I didn't know they were going to be here

the boys brought out tomatoes what a get the anus boys scored tomatoes god you can see the tomatoes live bigger than we yeah damn oh boy um tomatoes suck yeah how they manage to be one of like the default ingredients in america's most popular foods is is one of the few like food like phenomenons that blow my mind i don't think it's a food phenomenon. I just think people like them. They put lettuce and tomato on everything. That's a staple of burgers, sandwiches. But it's never the premier item.

You've got to put lettuce and tomato on this. It's never the premier item. Lettuce and tomato, taste, subpar. No, crunch. Texture, subpar. It's a cool crunch. When I'm eating something that's savory and good i don't want like a like a centimeter of juicy mild vegetable taste like exploding in my mouth they're

a better they're a better guest than they are vegetable they should not be like you should they you should have to like specifically ask for tomatoes on your burger and lettuce ketchup and mustard shouldn't be the default condiments what should be any stretch is this the type of kyle we're getting today like i mean you love it or hate it a mayo based sauce goes way better with a burger a sandwich etc than uh ketchup and mustard like m Like McDonald's, the premier fast food restaurant, you don't even have to, you don't ask for it. Your cheeseburger will come with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, ketchup and mustard.

0 for 5 in my opinion. Dude. Yeah. Then maybe you just don't like hamburgers, man. Maybe give me chips maybe give me give me chips give me like a jam yeah that should be the that should be okay so replace all of those what should the default on a hamburger be chips and jam you're gonna put a tomato on there why is it always so thick it's always this thick and that's a whole bite of nothing it just explodes in your mouth with a taste that doesn't really compliment

rebuild rebuild the default cheeseburger then the default cheeseburger should be the patty the cheese and the bread and then you should add there should be a list of add-ons I'll get

I would prefer Fritos Fritos and like a a tomato jam not necessarily a that's ketchup maybe yeah maybe like a chipotle mayo you said tomato that's ketchup um le pon coltignan has this like breakfast sandwich with a tomato jam what's what's what did you just say? Le Pompon Tignon. I believe that's the pronunciation. LPQ? It's a French bistro.

They did the Fritos as well? The Fritos are, I think chips should be way more popular on sandwiches, burgers. It's the like, I don't know. I agree. Ketchup, mustard, tomatoes, lettuce. But a nice cool crisp.

Pickles, tomatoes, pickles. Tomato a nice cool crisp. Pickles, tomatoes, pickles. Tomatoes at least are a mild, boring taste. Pickles are a very strong taste. And they're thick. Unless the patty is absolutely disgusting, don't make me bite into like three-fourths centimeter of pickles um pickles are bad you good pickles are so bad that they're the best chaser the pickle juice is the best chaser for

liquor yeah because it's so fucking bad and strong bad it is just one step better than like a straight liquor which is poison and it's so strong that it's yeah i can really did you have like a straight liquor, which is poison. And it's so strong that it's like, yeah, I can really taste the poison. Did you have like a bad burger? I've been thinking about this for years. Obviously. Yeah.

I have a lot of food opinions. Yeah. This is the most normal our podcast has ever been. We're going to start tiering fast food entrees. Yeah. Anyways. Arby's is your second round pick oh arby's the french dip the french dip in au jus yeah i was on tiktok and that was like two million likes it was like a podcast being like they were like drafting fast food and the guy picked arby's

the other guy like exploded and walked out i'm two million likes yeah yeah arby's number two that's podcasting that's podcasting maybe we're not we use that a clip for our that's we could do that at our live show yeah chick-fil-a at one is whatever orbeez at two okay man all right um all right you want to get in the news yeah uh these are really bad news jokes for me just a heads up so if you want to fast forward not a huge deal um good intro kyle nice cold open that was hilarious i'm fucking pissed i big agree on the lettuce tomato i just but on a blt it's awesome well that's that's that is part of the blt yeah oh my god when i order a blt i'm lettuce and tomato are a part of a cheeseburger so i ordered a bacon lettuce tomato i know lettuce and tomato is a part of a cheeseburger. So I ordered a bacon lettuce tomato.

I know a lettuce and tomato is coming. But that is still a default of a cheeseburger. If I told somebody to draw a cheeseburger, they're drawing lettuce and tomato. Exactly. And it shouldn't be the case. Those are two very subpar ingredients. Is a BLT a subpar sandwich? Yes.

Yes. It is. It's bread with bacon lettuce and tomato what if i put bread voice was that what if i put bread with that sound bacon cheese potato like better ingredients so wait no one thinks lettuce tastes better than cheese would you put lettuce tomato on a chicken parm? No. Tomato is such a bad bite. Yeah. I think you're going to have good bites of tomato. I don't like the seedy, goopy bites. I'm not like, this is disgusting. I mean, this is just

a nuisance. It's more that I have to bite into. Are you done now? I'm trying to think about it early. Yeah, when the fries come in cups, dude. Yeah, yeah. Yo, sick Kyle has takes. I love it.

What is your malady? You never miss the yak. What's your malady? I've been diarrhea-ing nonstop, which isn't a malady because I don't think diarrhea is bad. I think it's a better poop. When it comes out in liquid, I'm pumped about it. But it's still like holding me hostage to the toilet. That's not even the bad thing.

I haven't taken a day off of lifting in 35 days. Wow. No, to a fault fault i'm addicted to it and in a bad way um so i keep going in despite how i feel that today i went in did you have diarrhea i was struggling shoulder pressing 50s and i'm like yeah this is a problem this is a problem most people would be like yeah this is a problem i'm people would be like, yeah, this is a problem. I'm probably sick. My muscles are aching. My body is sore. I should probably take the day off.

Me, I struggled with the fifties. I'm like, no, I can't. So did you go to failure with the fifties? I can't struggle with fifties because I usually do 55s fairly easily, at least on the first three sets.

So I, yeah, I combated that by like, I fuck this. I'll go to sixties. And then I thought I was going to pass. I was, you text combated that by like, I fuck this. I'll go to sixties. And then I thought I was going to pass. I was, you text us and you just said, I had a scare at the gym. I was in the supine position on planet fitness floor.

Cause I were people like checking to see if you're okay. I wasn't actually going to pass out, but I was like, this is like, this is a problem. I feel something's off. I can barely breathe i can barely think um did people check on you no that's that's the b that's the one thing i like about gyms maybe this is just a planet fitness that people don't acknowledge you it's always packed but no one acknowledges you in to do that you just want to keep going on hamburgers no we'll get we'll get to it yeah yeah we'll get we'll get to part two of that um

interest rates are sky high after the british pound crashes you guys seen that and yes i did on the bbc it's amazing how similar foreign economy is to my taste in women. My interest rate goes up when the more pounds go down. Like thinner women. You do. This is going to be the type of week this is.

A mom shared a viral post of her young handicapped daughter enjoying a rare wheelchair accessible pool. The mother used her daughter as an example, and she's an advocate for more accessible swimming pools for the disabled. My response to her is that every pool is wheelchair accessible if you're mean enough. What we need is pools that are wheelchair egressable and you'd be able to leave the opposite of access. Huh?

Um, Birmingham, Birmingham, back to England. Uh, they held their first ever pride parade of exclusively fat and disabled LGBTQ people. Is that real?

Yeah. Okay. The parade had to do the punchline of this? Yeah. Fuck that. The parade had 25 participants and spanned three blocks and it took 14 hours to complete. They were very

fat. While that was going on in downtown Birmingham, the rest of the city recorded record low reports of bullying. It's all in one spot. Convenient for everybody. The parade went right next to a locker store. How convenient.

a bride is suing the best man of their wedding of the you know the groom's best man yeah for damages caused by an insensitive wedding toast that included jokes about drugs cheating and even oj simpson uh toast and oj we talking weddings or fucking breakfast an Atlanta man was arrested for storming in a bowling alley where his then girlfriend was on a date with another man and he kicked her down the lane are we talking crime or motherfucking breakfast talking about

kicks in a bowl the newest lower end iPhone fucking breakfast talking about kicks and a bowl. The newest lower end iPhone, the iPhone SE 2 came out. It's finally adding back the corded headphone port along with a new boxier shape. Box? Apple Jacks? This is sounding a lot like breakfast.

I went with a breakfast theme today. I walked out to Owen and I was like, dude, my brain is fucking mush. I can't think of a joke. So I just went with breakfast and Dukes was sitting next to Owen. So I was talking to Owen. I go up to him. I'm like, dude, I only wrote jokes about breakfast. And Dukes like looks up at me and he goes like breakfast burritos.

I was like yeah dude I guess yeah I guess I guess like breakfast burritos that it that is undeniably a breakfast yeah like when he when I he heard me say breakfast I think the only breakfast food he could think of had the word breakfast in it yeah yeah he couldn't even he couldn't have said like uh pancakes no no that was well beyond it's not like a one-of-one association he had to think of yeah oh breakfast like breakfast burritos he's so dumb um in nfl news trey lance's ankle snap crackled and popped um are we talking football or breakfast um a man charged with assault for his third strike relentlessly and incessantly signaling hello to a woman in a South Korean internet cafe. A soul surfer getting assaulted while on the

waves? Yes, yes. I actually don't know where this is going. A soul surfer? Yeah, go on. You kidding me? Like a foot like soul

oh it's Bethany Hamilton like when she was a delicious hors d'oeuvre for a tiger shark did you forget we do I forgot about Bethany Hamilton I gotta start getting back on the Bethany Hamilton

nah we're off Bethany Hamilton now we're cereal now we're cereal. Now we're cereal. Your turn. You got anything for us, Kyle? I would take a, I would take a, I would take like a... I would take just corn on my burger over a tomato.

Just like a handful of corn. That would be... It's a better crunch. It's a better taste. Elderly love tomatoes. Tomatoes aren't terrible. But why on a burger dude

read your fucking jokes yeah it's just I think it's a texture thing I'm done trying to be cool especially after this story more than 190,000 Hampton Bay ceiling fans are being recalled due to reports of the blades detaching while in use.

At least two people were injured by the detached blades and other customers of Hampton Bay's online store are seeking reimbursement, claiming the ceiling fans were not only dangerous, but a complete waste of money. Claiming the ceiling fans were not only dangerous, but a complete waste of money. Looks like several online shoppers are up in arms after being ripped off by the ceiling fan blades. At least these surfers aren't down in arms after being ripped off from the blade. Like Bethany Hamilton, who lost her left one after it was ripped off her shoulder blade by a 14 foot tiger shark got that out of the way speaking of shocking fans the elusive frank ocean has continued to surprise fans time and time again now he celebrates two of his latest blonded radio episodes by dropping a new classic logo Iceman t-shirt. But his fans are still holding out hope for new music. The 34-year-old singer hasn't came out with an album since 2016 when he released Blonde.

Since then, he has only put out a handful of singles. The last time Ocean released Blonde, it ended up with more than just a handful in fact ocean ended up with an entire armful after releasing blonde teen surfer bethany hamilton from the south this is kind of relevant to our past week, LSU has officially banned infamous white supremacist and former grand wizard of the KKK, David Duke, from their campus. This is coming after an incident where LSU police forcefully removed the six foot four far right politician from the campus's Laud Cook Hotel, despite the fact that Duke is a graduate of LSU and earned a BA in history from the university in 1974. Okay.

This isn't the biggest nor the most controversial LSU alumnfoot tiger earned a BA in 2003 when it successfully amputated and ingested a Bethany arm. God damn it. That had nothing to do with breakfast, dude. We said breakfast. We said breakfast, man. This was supposed to be a breakfast episode. lepon koltunian's you know tomatoes like paid for it's the egg cheddar avocado breakfast sandwich it's elite and it comes with a tomato jam and i don't know what the ingredients is or are it is so much better than ketchup it's my favorite

breakfast sandwich and it what is it it's a tomato something jam there's no full tomato or ketchup and it's so good and i'm like why isn't this the norm well like would it be good on a burger the tomato yes yes yes oh whoa what is it it's apple ginger red pepper flakes cinnamon lime Would it be good on a burger? The tomato? Yes. Yes. Yes. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is it? It's apple, ginger, red pepper flakes, cinnamon, lime juice. Well, that's far more than just a tomato. You can't compare that to a tomato. And I understand that these billion dollar corporations, these chains like McDonald's,

et cetera, can't afford to produce that in mass. But even when you go to a barbecue. Is this a news joke? Even when you go to a standard football Sunday at someone's house, they set out the burger ingredients and there's always the ketchup, the tomato, and the lettuce.

That adds nothing to the taste of a burger to the point where I just want a smash burger with just cheese that's what I'm seeking holy shit did we just that's never happened you were saying yeah I think did you lose your train of thought

what was I saying Jesus dude i mean what vegetable wise i'm sure first of all we don't need vegetables it's like we have been like conditioned to think that vegetables are some necessary like dietary inclusion do you have any more news jokes? Something about Mark Cuban. A shark.

Getting ripped off. I don't know. Yeah. Fuck it. The ones that are live show are going gonna be so good yeah yeah I wrote a

like I was writing some and I'm like if this this is semi good I might as well save it for next week um

I have to uh I came to a realization uh on the flight home from New Orleans which got you guys are gonna be shocked yeah we got back at 2 a.m. uh I came to a realization on the flight home from New Orleans. Which got you guys. And you guys are going to be shocked. Yeah, we got back at 2 a.m.

You guys are going to be shocked. Probably going to be let down. I think I'm a beta. Huh? Mm-hmm. I think I'm a beta. Why? I got alpha'd out of my assigned window seat.

By? A Samoan. Okay. why i got alpha'd out of my window my assigned window seat by a samoan okay that's not no that's fine am i good yeah because he was sitting in the aisle and he was like oh are you window and i was like yeah and he's like i prefer the window i was like yeah i'll take i'll take yours just go take that i'm cool with aisle i'm sitting in aisle nobody in between us him another woman comes down and she looks at me she's like you're in my seat and I look at him he's like never said I was aisle so I was just middle you just took middle yeah

wow Alfred by Samoan um so be it was he at least like a I also choked on a girl scout cookie once it happened twice there's a hole in the middle yeah but I didn't adjust it that way I also choked on a Girl Scout cookie once. It happened twice. There's a hole in the middle.

Yeah, but I didn't ingest it that way. I choked on a Lifesaver once in music class. Who was our music teacher at St. Louis? It was flatly. No, there was like four. Yeah, it was almost like a dark arts professor at Hogwarts. Yeah, I remember I choked. Yeah, I choked on a Lifesaver. Oh, was it Mr. Baum?

It wasn't Mr. Baum. It was Miss Romantic. It was Miss Romantic and then there was Miss Romantic. It was Miss Romantic. And then there was Miss Romantic. Yeah, whatever. It was one of those. And I couldn't like chew for I was like, it was like I got PTSD from this is real. Yeah, I'm being serious.

For like two years, like I would chew everything like 10 times the duration that it needed to be. Because I was terrified of choking. And that's a real fear. Yeah, sure. Did you hear the hear the samoan on my flight screaming did he wake you up at all no i was out cold about every 30 minutes he was asleep and we would just go and he would look at me he's like sorry nightmares and they just go right back to sleep and then just do it again that's what a life that would be what he can just fall asleep at the you know just like that disrupt people and not feel anything yeah yeah and just push me around it was i don't know new orleans was uh it's not my favorite city we've been to

no it wasn't for me and i don't know what is what would you compare it was too it was way too hot i don't know underwater never felt um but you can't yeah if you get that hot it's it's a no for me yeah even if it's like an anomaly yeah like i don't care if it's a possibility i can't live there um but while i was there i never talk about shit like this i did get my flirt on via instagram message oh really and that's the move venus jesus yeah yeah dude where do we leave off uh i just sent yo-yo ma you sent you okay i know you got a response yes like right after we finished recording right after we finished recording okay first off yeah yo-yo ma is a cellist yes so it's not stupid what would another fucking instrument be stupid no i'm thinking people don't know what the some people don't know what that is. No, no.

I thought it was, it's a clever classical music line. She's a famous cellist. I think he was referenced by Jack Black in School of Rock. He's that famous. It was like Yo-Yo Ma's cousin, little nepotist. That was that reference are you sure that wasn't the farmer in Napoleon Dynamite that was Shoshone Arrowheads

you're good at that Shoshone Arrowheads and School of Rock was Yo-Yo Ma's cousin he was preaching to his school kids easily confused how the music industry is kind of plagued by nepotism sure

Yo-Yo Ma's cousin got like a big in yeah just from that from the name I'm sure I'm sure though like you know probably a good musician being related to Yo-Yo Ma so Venus before we get into that game time yeah

great app we use it we We're going to go see Fred again. I think we might. I think we actually sent in... We asked GameTime, our folks at GameTime. The we here is wild. I came up to Kyle and I was like, let's go see Fred again. Yeah, this blew me away. Really? And that was it.

That's what blew him away. Nick wanted to see Fred again. Oh, you really did? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I wanted to experience something. Play the room set. Use game time to get those. You can go to Rolling Loud. You can go to exhibits and stuff.

Click on the top right when you make an account and then type in type in Untold for $20 off first purchase, which is awesome. Really, really appreciate the boys at game time.

Now, what were we talking about? Were we talking about you DMing an all time athlete or me? We're doing tomato gym. Oh yeah. No, no. We both have had interesting things going on,

dude. DM Joe once. Did he DM back? No. Doesn't he follow you on Twitter? Bigger risk. Yes. What's he, no no we both have had interesting things going on dude dm joe once did he dm back no doesn't he follow you on twitter bigger risk yes what's he what did he i did get a little bit too big for my britches because i also do first up yeah the yo-yo ma i dm yo-yo ma only 490 000 followers yeah there's fucking micro influencers what'd you say to her?

Yo-Yo Ma's guy hello YYM just wanna let you know I messaged a woman so far out of my league Yo-Yo Ma parentheses cello emoji and she responded because she's a fan of yours I cannot thank you enough and if things work out I would love

for the three of us to get together sometime. Now I'll combust if that happens. Dude, if I'm just like, but he didn't respond. Who did respond after we were done recording was Venus Williams, which unexpected, I think, for me, because you said, I think verbatim, she won't respond if you send something cocky like, yo. No, I think I encourage you to send yo because, I mean, that's cocky and that's the biggest, like, that's the lowest chance to get a response.

Yeah, you'd think. But you said something very clever that would be appreciated. Very clever? Yeah. Yes, but I sent her that. I'm nervous to even talk about it. All right, yeah, yeah.

Sent her Yo-Yo. Sent Venus Williams Yo-Yo Ma at what time? 6-22. On what, yeah. September 20th. Yeah, okay. She actually responded not too, she responded pretty late 1 30 in the morning oh that bathtub energy yeah it was yeah it was bathtub energy it was bathtub energy for sure she said hello exclamation point she was in the bathroom thinking about me

yeah yeah she said hello exclamation point and then amazing with two star emojis not really a contextual not appropriate not well she maybe she thought it was an amazing opening line she thought then she would put like a laughing emoji she put two stars okay me and her that's what i felt it kind of comes across as automated it kind of comes across as automated but then you reply I waited a little bit how long did you wait 8 hours

yeah come on and I said Venus Venus Venus what are we going to do with you oh Venus Venus Venus what are we going to do with you to which she sent replied with a laughing emoji

I thought we were done was it just a reaction a laughing reaction you typically think leave me so I was like okay I got a response that's enough Was it just a reaction? A laughing reaction. Okay. Yeah. You typically think, leave me. So I was like, okay. I got a response. That's enough.

An hour later, she sends back, that's a good question. Laughing emoji. This is on top of the reaction. Later than the reaction. Yeah. She reacted. Time passed. So she probably got cocky. She was like, I'm going to hit him with just a reaction's really into me he'll still report he'll still go again that's

right she couldn't wait any longer she's like yeah fuck that fuck this like i'm gonna still reply yes she said that's a good question laughing emoji and i said venus i'm full of them to which she laughed, reacted. That's enough with the cockiness. That's when I would have gotten real. I would have been like, hey, like we're, the Barstool store is promoting different websites. Yours was on like the list of potentials. I would love to.

That's not getting, that's lying. Yeah, but that's something that can't like you could probably prove you don't that's getting real for you is lying yeah i'm trying to get a response here i'm trying to fucking well she only laughed reacted to that i i called her bluff uh but it wasn't a bluff she didn't send anything so that was thursday okay i kind of wanted to send her a selfie wait wait since then what did you reply nothing

oh you said alright thank you I'm full of them yes that doesn't like open up to a response you're right

it puts her in like your position she doesn't want to be creepy there's nothing you got to ask her something open-ended or tell her something open-ended

I think I'm going to take a picture of me right now and then just say, new hoodie. Jesus, that is so cocky. Yeah, yeah. Actually, no, I don't even want to be a selfie. Will you just take the picture of me?

Yeah. And to be clear, this is going to Venus Williams. Not your face, dickhead. Oh, yeah, I know, I know. You were Hawkeye facing in there. He saw his fucking face for two seconds, you Hawkeye face. Lynn, it's going to look like you posed for this and you took that much time to care.

I did, yeah. Act like you're just sitting down. You're doing something. Act like I'm sitting down or actually sit down maybe act like it oh perfect you might get a response within this episode so you just want me to send that

and say got a new hoodie or do you just want me to send that no context no context no context okay yeah yeah all right send okay yeah there we go there we go oh man what a world jesus i'm a little afraid oh man. While we're waiting on a response for that, it won't be long. There's something I have to bring up. Not quite a bone to pick, but there is. I think our fans are monsters. Not even fans, our listeners.

Somebody came to the Ricketts subreddit genuinely to show off that she got leg correcting surgery. And she was left very confused. And I feel pretty bad. I don't know how popular. It's a pretty common diagnosis, I would say. I was looking on our Reddit and then the Ricketts subreddit. Did you see this one did KB steal Venus Williams from Nick

it's like a oh oh man no but a girl she went to the subreddit and it said, before and after of operations, I've had to straighten my legs.

And some of, an anus fan became a mod of the Ricketts subreddit. And so he, now like some reddits can put like mega thread or something. This is categorized under what, Kyle? Dang.

That was the, oh yeah. She's like, it's a girl who had very skewed legs oh yeah horrendous and then that she's proud of like her probably very painful looking for a community to fit into and the boys i don't even know what ricketts is to be honest nor do i because her legs aren't that skinny i thought that was i think they're just warped they're very yeah they're knock knee bow leg um but somebody just said ouch not as bad as nikki ricketts though she's very confused i'm sure there's an untold

story behind this post to which he said what do you mean and to which they responded reggie and they were just fucking with this girl who probably went through severe trauma severe bullying what is such a woman move to like go through that and then be like, oh, I have to like post this to a community and get like get a bunch of likes. Yeah. Yeah. I get sympathy points. Yeah.

So I feel. Suffer in silence. Yeah. Please do. Please suffer in silence. Yeah. So that was. Keep doing that.

That's funny. Keep doing that that kyle talk while i check and see if venus fucking all right i talk on tomatoes out let's make that a trend uh there is some there was something else yeah wait i had something as well that i wanted to talk about but i do forget not me eating brunch at dimes what what is that what's dime square yeah that's a thing that i've caught wind of same but only to the extent of dime square is technically it is like a portion of manhattan um like above Chinatown where the dimes, whatever diner is a few other like trendy hip spots. And it's because like evolved into this very meta,

um, like internet culture meme or more people just post about it instead of live about it. Uh, it it's did you go there no i've never i may have been accidentally yeah they're doing like a reality show dime square yeah yeah it's this new it's just the culture is being warped um tiktok like linguistics has affected it all and now it's not it meta-gentrification where people are just posting about this place. Virtually gentrifying. As if they know about it.

They're not actually frequenting this place. And there's all these esoteric stereotypes and jokes that I'm trying. It's feminine to care about this. What about tomatoes, though? Tomatoes, I'm trying to think where they belong. Not in burgers. You need to clear the air. You're not Doug Winoi.

People think I... People are 100% certain. Yeah, my dad's doing his own thing. Can we get him on the show? I don't know how he would be. He, whenever I talk about him, like, ha, ha, ha, ha. That one with the Brittany Griner one was funny. That Cardi B one was funny.

And he always replies as if he, that's just business. He doesn't, he's not trying to get the laughs. He doesn't want people to think it's funny. He wants people to just get mad. He wants to evoke anger and that's just business he doesn't he doesn't he's not trying to get the laughs he doesn't want people to think it's funny he wants people just get mad he wants to evoke anger and that's it that's all he wants he doesn't want to get praise for it does he not want followers he doesn't like the followers people are dming him obviously he thinks it's creepy and weird he just wants to fuck with people purely but not for laughs he doesn't even want likes on his post because that like he wants everyone to hate him that's the ultimate troll that's a 60s troll he's a 60s yeah yeah 60s baby troll he wants he that's which is true in a sense like so do you think when i was trolling i was

like my end result was for the majority of people to understand it was a troll to like it to laugh at it and to praise me for it he just wants people to get mad so do you think he'll retire festive 2018 and go to a different account like a an alt yeah yeah um yeah i don't know yeah so stop don't play into it don't tell him it's funny just get even if you have to fake it just fake it like angrily yeah that's what he wants that's what he wants and unfollow him yeah don't's what he wants. That's what he wants. And unfollow him. Yeah, don't follow him. He wants to be strictly a villain.

Was he, what was your childhood like, dude? Because you have a mom that's afraid of everything and a dad that's evil. Yeah, my mom is extremely neurotic. She consumes everything you do. It takes a toll on your life. Right. Yeah. They did a great job of never making me feel like good about myself in a good way. In a good way.

You never like it. I was always. Yeah, man. Yeah. It creates humility. And it's like you should never, never act or behave superior to anyone. That's nice by never like complimenting to an like too far always put me in check like hey like there's other people way better than you

they let you know that pretty immediately they never let you celebrate anything yeah i mean which is fine like you know you should celebrate in your head and be happy, but never flaunt. Um, sounds like you need some SoCo dude. We'll be in the commercial for that update on that. Uh, where you're at a fest, whether you're at a festival,

tailgate, relaxing, get yourself a SoCo sour, SoCo black. Those are bold. the SoCo shower, the SoCo sour shots are my favorite. Um, love to say that phrase, uh, one third SoCo plusour Shots are my favorite. Love to say that phrase.

One-third SoCo plus two-thirds sour mix. Throw it back. Or just the SoCo and Lime. SoCo and Lime. SoCo Ginger. God damn. Use the link in the description of this podcast. You can see some more cool stuff from SoCo.

Love it. We're going to be in the soco commercial brought it up last week i showed you a picture i showed you guys a picture of uh uh um of what you'll be wearing you know us in the penthouse i'm getting a custom suit that i can keep you have to get there eight hours early we got the itinerary yeah they're they sent an email there was like yeah be prepared for four hours of makeup. And then they, like, did a second reply with just me tagged and was like, oh, that applies to Roan, Sass, and Nick. You're going to need more, like, eight or so hours to get your, yeah.

Did you see the, like, itemized thing of, like, the costs? No. Your prosthetic was $11,000. It's going to be airing like on a lot of YouTube channels that aren't even ours. People's first taste of all of us. Me in a suit, makeup done. Right.

You. I know, yeah. $11,000? Yeah. me in a suit makeup done right you i know yeah 11 000 yeah we just have that to throw yeah yeah we have that um i would take that but i mean if you guys heard that loud noise earlier it was the fucking table leg that fell off of this but you know we have we have kb soco prosthetic money yeah just to make my head and shut up oh yeah yes my head's gonna be warped um you're going to it is going to suck so bad you're gonna oh i cannot wait to see you because i think i'll collapse to the ground laughing oh my god i remember in my freshman year of college i I got herpes. Glottatorium. Not the STD. Outbreak on my scalp.

This was over Thanksgiving break. So I had a bunch of like scabbed sores, golden, like pussing. This is embarrassing to admit, but they were all over my scalp, the whole scalp. I had to miss the Penn State Open. Because of herpes yeah did they list that on the injury report no it was a it was like a open tournament for like the freshmen in the red

shirts yeah so it was whatever i don't have to make weight um so i was like yeah i'm gonna just hang out my other friend who was hurt came over and i mean he i was like just picking out my herpes scabs and he fucked a girl in my um in my dorm room while you were picking out your scab yeah and it wasn't his room that was i think that was the lowest point of my life just like i had herpes scabs and my friend was just pounding like fucking loudly and was it your bed yeah no it was my roommate's bed but it was 10 five feet away he didn't care she didn't care it doesn't matter what's the nearest to a person you've what's the nearest to a person you've been while fucking but not the person you're fucking um never in the same room like i'm not about that no no i'm like i'm not gonna yeah i'm

Never in the same room. Like, I'm not about that. No. No, I'm like, I'm not going to, yeah, I'm courteous enough. Yeah, but just like, yeah, I have herpes on my head. It wasn't like stopping me from having sex. I could have still had sex without anyone knowing because I had a full head of hair. I think I tried that night and just like being up, like scratching my herpes sore. Having pus all over your fingers.

Hearing other people fuck. It was really bad. Low point. Yeah. Damn, man. It feels like this episode has been therapeutic. Your lowest point talking about your parents. All kinds of stuff.

Yeah. Does your mom still text you a lot about the things you say? No, no. I think she still consumes, but she knows to not bring it up. Listen, I'm going to say it. It's not that I want to say it. It's that it's hard to converse and to come up with topics for an hour to two hours every day yeah so like i'm gonna say things that are off the wall with the silver lining being that there might be funnier than just an

ordinary thing going on and it might yeah and it's gonna hurt her feelings and that's that's just how it is maybe your mom needs fucking better help dude dude. Thank you for that. Yeah. Maybe, yeah. What is it? You know exactly what it is. We've had them a couple times, and they slipped away a couple times. Yeah, well, you... I remember I gave the promo code. It can be tough to train your brain.

The therapist... Kill yourself. And we're like, yeah, if you don't get better health, you might as well kill yourself. Kyle, I'm going to start the ad over. Better help, man. Therapists can help you become a better problem solver. They can make it easier to accomplish your goals. I've been using it because I've been down in the dumps. I've been run down.

I've been spread thin. They help. And you guys can go to betterhelp.com slash what untold 15 30 until if it no not 30 until it's not straight up on it's not 25 percent anus 15 nick no dude kyle no what is it new just new yeah just new for 10 off that's the first time betterhelp.com slash new b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p.com slash n-e-w rock with that yeah it's better than in-person therapy how did you like spending the week with mincey he kind of liked it um he does have an infectious charm he is strictly optimistic

yeah he's never really said a negative thing no um a lot of like self-centered he does like himself which is whatever um kind of like he repeats stories a lot yeah uh my favorite part was when we were uh we were with this tiktoker stale cracker has like seven million followers he's a cajun chef uh mincey just walked out of the room and he was still mic'd up like what's he doing and fasoli just heard him slurping out of the faucet on the sink there was bottled waters there he just went to the bathroom to slurp out yeah you just slurp in water yeah that was a that was a highlight for me yeah that was funny yeah

there's a but uh oh dude I'm just very exhausted we're doing a lot of prep for the live show should be good

we're doing uh got tomatoes oh fuck I should have saved that bit for um for the show but I'll you know work out

polish it I I sent a sweatshirt to merch I want us to have better merch more parts of the studio are breaking you gotta come to Barstool man you get the best guests

you'll get the pod studio whenever you want even though if it's I don't want to bitch this is a dream I sent an idea to merch they shot it down it was a it's a picture of it's three photos shirt, a triptych, if you will, of J-Lo and Ben Affleck. And it says Bennifer.

And then the middle one was Brad Pitt and Angelina. And it said Brangelina. And then it was Nick and Riggs. And then it was just a scratch out below. And so, yeah. And they were just like, yeah, we can't do this. I'm surprised they caught it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, those dummies. Yeah, but you scratched it out and put Rick, which works. I could put Rick, yeah, underneath, yeah. Uh-huh. Maybe that's what we'll do. A very subtle scratch out with Rick. I don't think they'll catch that. Maybe a very thin line for the first option.

Yeah. A thin blue line. Yeah. A thin blue line. Yeah. For the one portmanteau and then underneath. Maybe it's like the no smoking slash. So it says like, so it knows like we didn't

mean that one yeah that couldn't be misconstrued two white guys with that symbol you know where we stand. That'll be in the store. Realistically, could we just release just like a gray hoodie? Blank? Yes. Didn't Kanye do that?

Yeah. I don't want to step on any toes. No, we could put a gray hoodie out. Just like a three-pack of black t-shirts. No, they'd probably say no. Yeah. They couldn't give us purple. You guys just aren't in that level yet. The anus gray hoodie?

Yeah. I mean, it's better than like sacrificing whatever design for a joke. Do you want me to call merch right now? Yeah. Merch won't pick up. You don't think merch will pick up after all I've done for merch? Nah, merch is a dime square.

Do we know what it is? Do we know what dime square is? I know what it is geographically, but I don't know what the phenomenon is. Yeah. I found an article breaking it down. I know what it is geographically, but I don't know what the phenomenon is. Yeah, I found an article breaking it down. And basically it says they don't know what Dime Square is either, but it could be an ironically naughty anti-woke intellectual movement, a post-pandemic creative vanguard of downtown NYC, or just more than likely mostly pretty and privileged young people hanging around a few newish bars around canal street but yeah they got a reality show now and they're all transplants too and to know that specific of a neighbor or you said that seems too insignificant to be a phenomenon I know. I can't.

That's fucking wild, dude. Kyle. What do you do for a living? What song are you listening to? Dude, do something new. Are you talking about TikTok? TikTok is ruining people because it spews out their content to not their followers to everyone tiktok knows when you're horny and yeah but in like so like they keep it just kind of encourages people to do the same thing every single day dude because it's gonna reach a new audience every day but you're

stuck in this warp of you're doing the same shtick the same bit the same thing every single day and it keeps getting rewarded my entire tiktok algorithm is like let's test your reflexes and it's like a girl and like just a another colored bikini that you pause on and i just i have to do it i don't know why yeah do you ever get those no really no it's like a girl in her pjs i don't get that many titties ever since yeah ever since persian smoochie got her con like account i'm done i know i haven't had a pair of breasts on my timeline in a while let's open it up let me see what you have he's just always just geography guys analyzing maps. But to the point you were making about...

Persia Smoochie is back on, by the way. I think she's Persian Kim K now. I got to look up who it is. Like that kid QCP came in here. It's the Italian cook on TikTok or whatever. Oh, yeah. The one that Donnie fight. Yeah, but he said,

yeah, it sucks. Like you get such a specific brand. Yeah. You got to do it daily. You got to do the same thing. And it keeps working for them because it's not their own followers seeing the same thing every day. It's a different crowd. Yeah.

I've never seen Persian Kim K. I mean, that's not too far fetched from regular Kim K, is it? Was she Albanian? No, she's, it starts with an A. Lebanese? Oh, Armenian? Armenian. Oh, yeah.

No, it's the same pigment, same melatonin, same look, yeah. She's doing all right. She's in your algo? She was, and then I had to, yeah. My computer doesn't let me Google Persian smoochie. Really? It just goes away. Gone are the days, yeah. Gone are the days of Goog Google Persian smoochie Really? Gone are the days of googling Persian smoochie

Alright that was a new untold story 311 What no baby It's a new untold story A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story.