A New Untold Story - 你是真的吗？- A New Untold Story: Ep. 403

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. I think you're going. Yep. I'm good to go whenever you need your exact reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say no, that's a new one. Hey, is that story over told? No, baby. It's a new untold story!

A new untold story It's a fresh baked untold story A new untold story All right a new untold story episode 403 This is by some cheap. Yeah, is that is that that's episode 403 In did you say I think I said this a by some cheap. Why do you raise your voice? Can you say that's how how the robot does it. Oh, OK. Yeah. Current Pokemon team is Noivern, Guzzlord, Stakataka,

Malata, Metagross and Tapu Fini. You're yeah, you're a Guzzlord and a Metagross. Fuck. I did that to myself. You didn't know that was my team at all. Is your team ever-changing Yeah, you always send it and always sucks No, it doesn't always suck visual every time I have a team make the Hall of Fame I said it to you guys the Hall of Fame. Yeah What is that you beat the Elite Four and become champion?

It's great 403 403. I was right the forbidden the the web page error that's 404. Well, it's 403 to no shit Yeah, why is it 403 and for I don't know it's 403. I looked it up for that page is forbidden. Mm-hmm That's pretty cool like Rudy's cock Rudy has a forbidden cock When women take a D from him, he's all of a sudden for Biden. He's sexually left leaning. It makes him wanna never do that again

and become ultra queer and marry guys. Yeah, pretty good. Pretty fucking good. I don't even know how to ingest that diss. So a lot of Kyle's A lot of Kyle's Diss is our equations. So forbidden minus D is for Biden. I get that.

It's just the trail. The plot was difficult to follow. Nearly impossible. Like I fuck them and then I'm no longer interested. Yeah, it was like a gay diss. It was like you fucked a them and then I'm no longer interested. Yeah, it was like a gay diss. It was like you fucked a woman and then, oh, never again. Yeah.

I'm with you. It hurt. Okay. It stung, it didn't really hurt. Yeah. Your comedy is like Van Gogh. Van Gogh died long before people realized he was a good artist.

When you die, and like that, when your plot grows grass over it, I'm gonna be like, oh my god, he was funny. That's how long it takes to realize, to get one of those jokes. Man, yeah, I would really love some instant laughs. Nah, dude, it doesn't work like that. That is brutal because you tell a joke that's very smart, clever and funny, and then you have like, for in public, all the hoeses are gonna look at each other and shrug

And then the guy you have the hose shrug those are doing they're working their tracks The number one thing is usually scaring the hose you do not do that you perplex those when the hose are scared away By that time the guys get it the guy hose get it and Then they start laughing and then thees aren't around to hear the laughter So they just they've scattered before the here though. Yeah, yeah, you got to sync them up. They're all coming in different areas Just do a short joke do a joke that doesn't take any Go back to your sounds. You're right. Go out to the bar make sounds Rudy's got that forbidden dick Bartemius Crouch dick! Yeah!

Moon calves and hippogriffs! And...is that...that's even too much. Why are you doing Harry Potter references? Cause it's Forbidden Forest. Jesus Christ! See? I can't do it. Dude. That's funny. There's a lag period that we just gotta tighten.

What other forbidden jokes do you try to think of? Nothing. Isn't that the amount of main characters on Storage Wars? Is there four bidden on Storage Wars? Oh, bidding. Yeah. So you're good at it too. Yeah, but I don't do it.

God, no. Who has the time? Who has the energy? Rudy's dick is like an episode of Storage Wars because it's forbidden and you don't know what's inside. That's good. It's usually not worth the price. Yo, I'm giggling regardless. I'm having a good time.

We had a good time at the concert except for one moment I need to talk to you about, Kyle. Yeah, it's been on my mind. I'm having a good time. We had a good time at the concert except for one moment. I need to talk to you about Kyle. And yeah, it's been on my mind heavily. Yeah. A little bit. I'm trying to like mentally wrestle and justify it. We went to third eye blind. We went to yellow card in third. We didn't get to see the eye blind part. I think we just saw I think we just got to one eye

We can get to any of the Cyclops of a concert known song Girls drank Little girls drink too much we drank I drank too much live juice and fireball shots you were there was a tent that just said Live juice and every time I turned Kyle was in line for more live juice Yeah, and how you know how you get off the live juice. I was somewhat fine. I went to go pee, and then I walk out of the bathroom, and then I scurry back to our spot,

because I hear the beginning of Crystal Baller, my favorite third-eye blind song. And Kyle, what do I see? Me getting called a f***. No, not that. Okay, well, that was the foremost memory for me. Okay, let's get that out of the way. I was hammered, and I have a fuck. No, not that Okay, well that was the foremost I was hammered and I have a note. What do you what does it say guy called Kyle? the f slur the gay f slur and

That was when I was gone and then Kyle came up He was like, you know, some dude just came up and called me that and I was like, oh was he like a fan? No, he just went up and called me that. And I was like, oh, was he like a fan? No, he just went up and called you. Called me that. You were wearing it. He pelted me with a carton of Marlboros. He said it 20 times, 30 times. Then I ran and told you,

but he had like a grin on his face. But I think- He called me over, I was like, yeah, yeah, okay. Let's talk anus, let's talk yak. And just off the get dangling he never cyclists cyclists he never elaborated he called me it over and over and over with like a girl and she was like smiling sheepishly I was like waiting for them to be like oh psych love you yeah here's a kiss coin but then I'm saying it and she was like nodding agreeably he never Never once brought up that you worked at Barstool sports

So but he had the look in his face like he was joking now in his defense your shirt was a big doily What was my shirt? It looked like a doin. What's a burshka? It was yeah, it was like you know Cotton mesh you're wearing mesh you're wearing a mesh shirt Yeah, but let's just say If I was actually LGBT and not just an s-tier ally I Would have been in the Huffington Post for that yeah, yeah That was he said it. Did he say it with hate no But he kept saying it with nothing else.

I don't know. But you heard it. So he came back for seconds. An hour and a half later, he came back for seconds. Yeah, it was like Chinese food. He wasn't quite full. And he came back and I was with ya, and he came up to you and he said it just right to your face.

And that's what I have in my notes, my experience. Wait, did he say it in a sentence or was he just saying it? No, just looking at you just going- Just saying it, saying it, saying it. Yeah, just saying it. That's way worse. Was he a big lad?

He was a short, pudgy white boy. Yes. Which made it a little bit tougher to swallow. Later in the night, the guy that Kyle said called him that came up to both of us and whispered to only Kyle and whispered it in your ear and Kyle said say that again Kyle you looked at him and you kind of bullying Lee like not bullying Lee but like tough guy said what did you say and

Then the guy just said it clear clear as day clear as day in a beautiful. So it was never voice and Then then he said and you'll never be anything more. Yeah, we said that oh And then so then you pushed him I did shove him you it was a decent shot Yes, you did and it didn't faze him now The guy took us to a few steps back and we turn around keep talking I'm like is that the same guy that did it earlier and you were offended that I asked that because you that did it earlier and you were offended that I asked that because you Was like the same one you're like yeah, and then the guy goes yo And you turn around and he just Chinese bowed to you like that

Oh he did so that makes me think that he was maybe like way too under the influence like thought I would Get it more. I don't know Yeah, yeah, but not a peep to me. Not a peep to you. That's like a terrorist attack. It was like a shock and awe campaign meant to confuse and cause dissent. Yeah, it's helped me. The bow is nuts. It was the Chinese bow was funny, but like the the amount.

How many times did he say it in total? It was a river of sticks. It was Current you had swept away the river side But I mean he said it to me yeah, you're allowed to quote him. I guess yeah, you're safe. I was No, I have to talk about I left for two seconds. I come back here on my girlfriend's shoulders Yeah, what're safe. I was, no, I have to talk about, I left for two seconds, and I come back here on my girlfriend's shoulders. Yeah. What I, you know. Okay, now I'm on his side, the guy, the other guy now.

I went up to his girl, I said, I gotta get on your shoulders before this night ends. You did, and were you gonna tell me, or are you gonna wait until I kissed her shoulder and I smelled your thigh remnants? That's how couples bond, like on a double date. a double date you swap let me get on your shoulders you were trying to get on her shoulders charming It's platonic. It should be the other way To shoot that down yeah

Back of her neck smell like your Hanes Can't have that yeah, they were Hanes were you in Hanes? I told you I was in hang you did that be like the one of the rarest kisses if Kyle's on your girlfriend's shoulder And then you got on his know you kiss your girlfriend. Oh No, but like a chicken you were making out while I'm on her show That would you go faster That would have to be one of the rarest Kyle's up on her shoulders go do do do Do and I'm just Frenchin. Yeah

That'll be hilarious Or if it was like your girlfriend cheating on you, but you were on her shoulder But you didn't notice cuz you were having so much fun. Yeah, we saw one eye of third eye blind. Uh huh. But it was good. It was fun. Fun concert. Cool venue. Wait, KB, did you have any inclination to fight when this was happening? Towards the end you did.

Here's the thing, like, he said it with, you can't, like, I saw his eyes, I saw his face, and I read his body language. It was like, he was like a Yak fan, or maybe even a Nainess fan, cause he kept saying it like he was about to, like he was smirking. Loveably.

Yeah. But it was still uncalled for. It was very weird when he came up and I should have probably done something about it. But it was weird when I saw, like he, I don't know. But him and his crew were all smiling, like kind of lovingly. They knew who you were. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. There was no doubt about that. What was the doubt about if he was like, did he actually like-

Dislike you. Yeah, yeah. He might've, because it was very strange. If he never, like the fact that he never even was like, hey, I'm kidding. But he didn't say a word to me. But he accepted the shove. He was like, yeah.

Yeah? I don't know, yeah. But like, if I did that jokingly to somebody, I'd be like, I'm just fucking around. You're not. I don't know, man. Yeah, no, I don't know. Maybe he will reach out to me.

Yeah, reach out. I hope he says one word. Yep. And I feel like us talking about it is gonna make it a thing, and now you're only gonna get zero praise just That you cannot be doing that to me in public that'll just ruin my life It's now a certainty that like when somebody an anus listener a yak listener comes up to you

That's all you're gonna get mm-hmm-hmm And they're willing have some have some I don't know. It would be funny if you're like somewhere nice No, it wouldn't or with a grandparent it would ruin my life and it would cause me to never want to go outside And that felt so good. Like I was my first concert in like over a year first with my girlfriend. Yeah Having a blast like you know I don't I don't need that did you two choreograph something because you had you guys were in sync No, are you really now? We didn't choreograph anything you look you guys both looked it up And she was dancing then you peeked from behind her shoulder from one side and then the other I mean choreograph is an aggressive word

You knew what you were doing first Doing it a couple times in the living room 403 is an area code of South Alberta Rudy. I'm sure you're familiar Calgary, Lethbridge Medicine hat red deer. Mm-hmm medicine hat. I'm sure you've went quay for a medicine hat ting on a hockey trip For sure bro. No I know have you been there no, but my roommate in college is from he called it shred deer Okay, why I don't know just cuz it's like a and Banff Banff I just bought tickets to go there not for the modern tongue Banff yeah, I just B. An FF I spent I spent the flight credit for Perth to go there dazzling turquoise waters impossibly picturesque snow-capped mountains it looks so beautiful

Yeah, it's a good choice. Thanks, man, but Banff and it sounds like it would be an acronym on a t-shirt sold at the Lenox Square Mall in Atlanta. How do you spell it? B-A-N-F-F in big letters and underneath in much smaller text would be Bitch ain't nothing for free. And then a picture of Black Uncle Sam. Yup. That would be a good ass shirt. Bitch ain't nothing for free we

get that in the store and then Alberta he sounds like it's a be like a cool older black guy yeah and he's talking to his wife Alberta Banff Alberta Banff Alberta Canada Banff bitch ain't nothing for free Alberta can a dumb bitch have some sense or like the dude grilling at the 4 fourth of July he has it on his apron yeah, like bitch ain't nothing for free I'm picturing it as uncle Samuel Jackson. Yeah, I actually mocked up some t-shirts what? When how long How long have those been up there I got here before you How long have those been up there? I got here before you

Wait you just made Uncle Sam negative. Yeah, bitch ain't nothing for free like Land of the free bitch ain't nothing for free That one just it would be more patriotic like fourth of July. I I don't know. I think it's pretty cool. Yeah Wait is this actually Samuel L Jackson is uncle Sam. Yeah, that's on Sam and this one is that the actual logo just Bitch ain't nothing for free with like a laughing emoji. Oh, that's the right Okay, those are pretty good, man This is Alberta Luther King, please boy It's a nothing for is that the NWA font. I don't know. It certainly is

Are you getting into graphic design? How'd you make these? This custom app and I you know a few a few custom apps What a bitch ain't nothing yeah, that's really Alberta I like that mm-hmm We should get those in the store. Yeah clever stuff good stuff. What else is going on? What else is going on yeah Are you got you're going to Jersey soon? Yeah. Anything fun about that?

No, it would be good to see Jersey. In Linn family? Yeah. Yeah. What are you guys doing? Luke, are you going, you're on Hinge? I'm back on Hinge. You're back on Hinge.

I didn't know you've been on Hinge before. I was on Hinge in Philly like during college. Okay. But yeah, I'm back and I'm just having a grand old time. That's not how you describe it at all. There should be a hinge for your type of people. Ginge. What the fuck?

Just... The way to win me over, you're talking about like, the way to win me over is pasta, lots of pasta, all the pasta. My love language is what? Oh, and anything bottomless.less marks except for you you have to Yeah, that's the type of banter I'm on right really are you like flirt like are you unlike are you being like The best way to flirt is be gay right yes. Oh, it's disgusting like what are you saying? I'm like I'm going cheesy. Can I get the sticks for a second?

Do not let him do this. Just on one. What did you do to mine that one night we were out? We got shit face and I gave you my I changed your bio. Yeah, it was funny. What did I make? I thought it was going to work. My favorite pastime is cheating on my partner, which I weirdly thought was going to we both thought was going to work. I didn't.

I thought ironically. Why would that ever work? Because irony is the name of the game now. No, not, no, no. Not when it comes to girl shit. I remember trying irony on the dating apps a while ago and they don't, they don't do that. Yeah, it doesn't.

What was your irony? Just horrible pictures of me. Cause I was too, like I could not bring myself to post good pictures of myself. That's embarrassing like curating your own or even like pictures You think are good where you look like sick and fly and hot I even I'm embarrassed when like somebody takes the phone It takes multiple pictures of you picking out the best one there. It's the word you're scrolling through. Oh It's embarrassing you want to see my profile? Yeah. Badly. I'm like. I go ahead.

Are you are you hitting the Dono wall? We're going through the paywall. So first one's a picture of you and Zach Brian. Yeah, easy. Key to my heart is meatballs. Lots of meatballs, all the meatballs. Bottomless meat. You want you doing stand up?

I threw him one good picture. The good picture with you and the Australian guys That is a good picture you We get along if you're killing me barking from time to time. Yep. All right. I'm going cheesy my passion for meatballs You're kind of phony when it comes to meatballs. What are you talking? I got meatballs dude a week ago. That's too far To have two things about meatballs. I haven't had meatballs in a week pull up uber eats. Oh No, I want to see some of the hose, okay

I like this one girl's prompt. It just said message me if you're this girl's name is matrix Yeah, read the MAE t R. I X. Oh, that's horrific Read the prompt that I like click into horrific. Read the prompt that I like. Click into it and see the prompt that I like. You liked this. I'm looking for strictly single and unattached sexual partners, no relationships. That's what you liked.

That's what Matrix said. I'm out here dogging. That isn't a real. All right, what can we say to Matrix that's like a, wait, a boundary, okay, this is funny. What can we say to matrix? That's like a Joke like maybe my forbidden dick joke. Yes, type it out. Okay But like what's that what's a like a matrix reference Keanu Reeves neo Take the take the red pill numbers

Matrix reference, Keanu Reeves, Neo. Take the red pill. Numbers, green numbers. From the White Rabbit. Trying to rave with you in Zion. Morpheus. Oh. No, you have to start the chat with her, dude. You can't just like something.

You just liked the prompt. Yeah, but then she liked it back. She liked that you liked it. She liked that I liked it back. What do you mean she liked it back? Oh, so that's, you guys have a really strong, budding relationship, dude. I've had one conversation with a girl on there so far right now. I'm just farming matches for what though

I don't know. I haven't been on hinge in a long time. Just kind of fucking around I'll delete like I would delete it tomorrow take this. I don't need this. I don't yeah All right All right Oops oh Wait oops oh wait just message her and just be like hello mr. Anderson lmao get it crying face emoji yeah she's gonna love that mr. she definitely hasn't heard any matrix lines through no hello mr. Anderson lmao 3os crying tilted face emoji all caps in lmao yeah maybe like one of the ones where like the the emojis like 303 O's crying tilted face emoji caps and LMAO. Yeah

Maybe like one of the ones where like the the emojis like that Like he puts his hands over his eyes and maybe like like I can't believe I did that Can he ask for her number by like this is a this has to be a but like a bot right matrix No one's name ends in X Alex Yeah But come on is she did you did you vet her? I mean like you can look at her profile. She's pretty She's just crazy. She looks pretty no like not normal, but she looks real. She looks real. Yeah All right, son it I

matched with a girl named Vaseline Dude I've been on hinge for years. I've never come across any of these names. And then I matched with another girl named brand Dan. What? Wait a minute. Wait, does your phone have face ID to unlock Vaseline? You and Rudy have two different apps then there's asked to be like Vaseline and brand and matrix. Vaseline is like what Lil Wayne would call a girl. In a bar. I'm just letting... Vasilina.

I call her Vasilina. I think Vasilina is a bot. You got Vasilina and Brandon. They're all dogs. I also have Kate, Madison and Brandon. They're all dogs. I also have Kate, Madison, and Melanie. They're normal. Okay. Dude, I think you're on the bot stage.

You have to pay for real women. I think so too. Yeah. But I can't afford it. Have you sent any roses? I sent one rose. What's a rose? What is that?

So like there's a standouts page where they just put the cream of the crop, which is so weird. And then, but to talk to them, you have to send a rose, and like three roses cost $12. Standouts page where they just put the the cream of the crop which is so weird and then But to talk to them you have to send a rose and like three roses cost $12 or you can buy a you bought roses So like the hottest girls on this app who are only on there just to like boost their confidence and get attention not to actually Date or mate so they're on there and guys are sending them roses, which is sending them money So they're on there and guys are sending them roses, which is sending them money

No, not not sending them money, but you had to spend money to These girls are getting like an abundance of roses every day a mat like I'd imagine Yeah, but that did but the they know like oh this guy had to spend money to send this day You do see if you've been sent a rose. Yes, you also get one free rose a week, which is what I That is the most embarrassing thing just like a rose my dear Vaseline for you Send a rose and then you respond to a corny prompt. Yeah, it's like the gayest thing ever. Yeah, I gamified Finding love I am NOT your boss by any means

but I'm Demanding you go on a date with Vaseline and if you do demanding you go on a date with Vaselina. And if you do, if you go on one date with Vaselina, me, Kyle and Rudy will buy you a moped. Deal. Easy. One date with Vaselina. I'm gonna message her.

She said hi there today at 12. Vaselina said that? That sounds fake. Yeah, I think she's fake. I think she's a bot. Why would they not use a more convincing name? I? Don't she is she's also verified. She has a check so what is I don't know? This shit's confusing. I mean that makes you think it's real. What should I say back to hi there?

Okay, Kyle. Give us like a Vaseline joke Petroleum jelly jelly could be jealous. What else do you put Vaseline on? Dry skin. Chafing. You gotta be like, come to my place and lay on me. I'm dry. My skin is dry and flaky.

Yeah. You want me to say that? Would that work, Rudy? No. You know that won't work. you know, that won't work. You know, you need to ask me that. I can send her a voice. My mother. You can. Yeah. Have you ever used Vaseline to jerk off? Yeah. Hmm.

I'm such a sad. Yes. We've all been there. It's sad because it's like when you try to wash it off in the sink, it just beads up. Yeah, it's like impossible. Then you have a beady dick. Yeah, it's water retardant BD Wong Actor BD when I don't know yeah BD Wong. I think he's a pretty big actor. You got a real BD Wong after fun The scientists after you jerk off Vaseline you got a BD Wong She'll get that Are you a fan of bd-wong?

But then that's that would almost be important. You'd almost have to spend send multiple pages to explain that one mm-hmm The thing about this app is I don't have to explain I but this for a moped Yeah It's a used moped and it's Tiffany blue okay 400 bucks. Oh you have this moped on on sites. Yes How much you say sorry 400 Oh steal Goes up to 62 I Think I'm buying you play. It's like buying a depressed man a gun like mook's gonna die on the moped. I'm nice on He's good at What is he like? Oh on the moped. I'm nice on he's good at

What is what is he like? Oh nevermind? Yeah, I'm nice on wheels. Yeah. Yeah, you did ramp I could rap okay. Yeah get a date with Vaseline and like we'll go out to Declan's on when you're out with her And I will I will sprint and meet her okay. Oh my god Moves out with Vaseline What do you even shorten that to Lena that yeah, Vass? Yeah, that's no All right, yeah get a date with Vaseline start cooking good luck good luck BD Wong What's his real name? Oh, he's gay BD Wong's What's his real name? Oh, he's gay? BD Wong's got a husband. I love learning.

What else we got? The gift sent to our office. What's the protocol for this? What is the, you got sent this gift. We have got, this is the most significant gift I've ever gotten. I've never said it. I didn't say it's the best. You go grab it. It's the most it's significant. It's the most awe inspiring gift that I've gotten.

When I saw it, the gas buy let out. It was an extended cut gas. Also, the way in the way the way it was delivered was unbelievable. Yes. Chris Bader grabbed a package when he came to visit and he's a brown guy and dropped off this. And he says that he had nothing to do with it, which I do believe.

It was just a coincidence that he walked in and Paige said, hey, this is a package for Kyle. Can you give this to him? Okay, so we got a size. I'm guessing large media My frame probably large New York Basketball jersey spot. It's a Osama bin Laden jersey. That's what it is. What you can't it's stitched American Airlines patch

It's sorry article. It's signed. Patriotic, it's not signed. That's crazy. Yeah. I want you to wear it and just maybe Anus tweets it and say can I rock this? Like, let's spell it I-R-A-Q. We can't even hang it. This has to be on the, but we can't

we have to disrespect it. You have to. So I could wear it, but I would have to be getting like, but we can't, we have to disrespect it. You have to. So I could wear it, but I would have to be getting like dunked on in it. Okay. So do you want to go put it on and, who could dunk on you? It would have to be,

that wouldn't even be disres, like, that wouldn't even be appropriate. I would have to get dunked on by like a five foot three man. Every time we have like a- A naked man. A naked five foot three guy? A naked five foot three man, Bush bush galore like his balls in my face Bush dunking on bin Laden is that yeah, I didn't even think of that. Well. Yeah, yeah, I'm seeing like this

That's the only situation I could wear it in if there's anybody short with a big bush That's listening and can dunk will fly you out Mm-hmm Yes, put it on the ground. I guess you do, but then I don't know. Yes. Put it on the ground. I guess you do. But then I don't know. Yes. Stomp it. Stomp it. I don't know. You can't. Who said it?

Does it go hard? Doesn't go hard. It doesn't go hard. Goes dummy. It goes dummy. It does. It's like very patriotic. You want me to piss on it? I don't know, because that's kind of gross.

And I want it. We just keep it. It's like very patriotic. You want me to piss on it? I don't know, because that's kind of gross. And I want it. I don't care. I still want it in pristine mint condition. Just in case. Just in case what? You know, a lot could happen. A lot of truths could come out. Maybe like, you know, when a player gets traded and somebody can't buy a new new jersey So they put the tape over the back and put a different last name. Yeah, maybe you just put a different last name on it Yeah

Could I rock this? Good tweet could I are a cue this Maybe we tweeted out without your body, but we're next to it holding it up with a thumbs down Maybe that's it. We have to just we can't be wearing it. We hold it thumbs down Not even maybe shoot it I don't know I Don't know kid rocket like it's a bud light case imagine mook if you went home with a girl and That you were wearing that as an undershirt You take off like your button up and you're wearing that as an undershirt

Well, yeah, I was out of clean clothes and I could I would never wear it You're about to have your first threesome with matrix and vaseline I mean, yeah, I think they know they'd be in for a good fuck Why if you're wearing a bin Laden shirt? Yeah, you're gonna. Yeah, I agree with that I think I don't think I could get hard in a bin Laden Jersey To patron. Yeah, I'm too patriotic get hard and I've been lot in Jersey if there's any guy wearing that like for real He he fucks you know that's an attention see that's that's like the guy that wears the striped overalls with no Shirt underneath to a tailgate

Yeah, yeah Who amongst us? Not me not me no me you were definitely in like the green man suit no across game. I'm too self-conscious about the body No, I was never, yeah, I was like a goofy shirt guy. Miley Cyrus cut off to Jamboree in the Hills. You were early to that. Like now everyone's doing that.

Now that's like the punchline, the shirt you're wearing. Yeah, that's the easiest way to be funny. Have you ever worn this before? A propeller hat? No, this is a Scarlet letter for retarded people. That's, I say, if somebody who's actually deserves this, deserves it, puts it on, it starts spinning. Sorting hat.

How did that start? Was there a special ed classroom in Hogwarts? What would J.K. Rowling name the special ed? classroom in Hogwarts what would JK Rowling name the special ed I Mean you just take the word and put oh at the end it's not Edmonton Euler Thinking about Bertha you're still thinking about Alberta. No, what would JK Rowling name the sorting pinwheel hat Nobody no special ed classes in Harry Potter a shame thank you for looking i think his name

would be like doofus drool but it'd be like DEWFUSS is there special ed in Hogwarts? I'm not giving one of them a walk They keep on summoning looks like their favorite wrestler I'm gonna have to think more about this. Oh wait Dumbledore's sister. Dumbledore's sister? Yeah, that was just cuz she got beaten to shit and was put on house arrest. What? Developmental with disability. Really I can see you dating JK Rowling.

She's not bad looking. She's certainly not. Piercing blue eyes. Thanks. And a billionaire. Yeah. I could see you dating JK Rowling. I gotta get over to England.

She's gotta get over here. She's pretty universally hated now, isn't she? They're trying to take the IP of Harry Potter from her. It's like it's evolved past her. She doesn't deserve it. And what does that even mean? I don't get that either. Yeah. Like she's done everything she created the world. Right. Everything.

Yeah. People people don't like her now. Because she like it. They didn't like the double or was gay the whole time. But then simultaneously, like she hates trans people. I don't know. I don't get it either. Is that what's going on? I don't I don't know idea. I Don't have a clue Yeah, I like I do like the the lore building worlds like Who did Star Wars again? Sorry George Lucas George Lucas JK reling in that world where they have this like huge expansive world of lore But they're like remarkably lazy at the same time

Yeah, George Lucas. I think those went to shit because like he divorced his wife Who was the editor made editor that kept him kind of in line? Yeah, have you ever seen what he'd look like without a beard? No, slug of a man. Yeah. Yeah Tough looking guy. He looks like he would him without a beard looks like the creator of Star Wars. Oh Christ yeah His beard's 2d deflated ball. Yeah, yeah, oh My god, yeah that beard. I've never seen a beard not fit someone's face He's wearing like a smear It's a slim fit beard yeah, and his hair is an XL at all the hair is that's incredible volume on that, but yeah

Yeah, he's wearing a tall tee and short shorts on his face That's a tough face. Yeah, that is open. I'm glad he's hiding it Every bit of it yeah, he needs that imagine that beard glasses and Bushy hair Yeah, it's a goiter for sure Shout out to those two billionaires When you're at work motherfuckers think they can talk to you any type of way bitch. I will clock out and beat your ass a

Group of broke motherfuckers sitting together talking about other people. That's what I call a nonprofit organization I'm gonna go home and watch the most British movie of all time Mr. Bean no Angus thongs and a perfect snogging Came out in 2008 rom-com Who's in it? Nicholas Holt. That's who got the nudes from Jennifer Lawrence.

Angus Thongs? Angus, comma, Thongs, and a perfect snogging. That's kissing? I believe so, yeah. Angus is probably the boy. Oh, it's Angus comma thong. Yeah, yeah thongs of the protagonist the obstacle you're still going crazy for thongs like oh fuck she's wearing a thong I Think that's just the only that was the way to get horny back in the you would see oh, she's wearing a thong

Yeah, like I don't see any look at that. I don't see any panty lines. I just weren't a thong That was the they didn't need cheeks No, they just needed the you didn't even need to see thong you needed the idea of it. She's like oh my god Nookie wouldn't know I would know you would know I saw my friends mom's g-string one time And I got fucking high yeah, that was the way to get horny You would just see their loose thong not on the body in the laundry and be like, ah And like a thong off a body is a pile of twine it is it is nothing And I would be

Pulsate the power of psychology. Wow. It was an automatic hard piece. We didn't need to see any ass, any tits. Or a bra. It was something that touched a pussy but then was thoroughly washed in hot water. Dudes were regularly getting arrested in the local news for smelling bras.

Yeah. What is that gonna do? A panty raid. That's clean underwear you're stealing. Yeah. It's literally just you're stealing. Yeah. It's literally just the evidence of a woman. Yes. The evidence of a woman, yeah.

Dude, they're stealing stuff that touched a pussy. That's like stealing dicks. I feel like we forgot about that. Oh, this has been in a pussy, yeah. That's went away, obviously, with the advent of widespread pornography and the like, but the guys, yeah, that's how they would get off. Oh my God. You gotta smell it

and wasn't it like like sexy for like Wasn't that like a trope to get like panties from a girl? Yeah, you would steal you bring them back like she would give them to you a sexy and just like oh my god. Yeah What the fuck? Luke did you um you don't have a sister do you know? Moog, did you? You don't have a sister, do you? No. Imagine. If Moog had a sister?

What do you mean imagine? I'm imagining. The homies would have her on shuffle. If you had a sister, dude, she'd be the check box in a scavenger hunt. Yeah. She'd be the middle space on big guns. I'm not saying she'd be ugly. She'd be a whore. Yeah, she'd be a whore.

Seeked. She'd be seeked, do you think? Sought. Sought. She'd be ugly she'd be a whore. Yeah, she'd be a whore seat. Yeah, she'd be seek do you think? sought sought seek Man my friends make fun of me because they said if I have a daughter her name will be Debbie and she will be an Absolute slut why would your daughter meet Debbie you just be like no I'll name her something else Yeah, it's a good way to shoot down the boys like Debbie Gallagher from Shane. Oh, I didn't know Oh, yeah, it looks like you that looks like your daughter. I can see that completely What were you a smirking at? I?

Was like trying to see like is matrix she responded to you correct she did really she said I saw you light up She did she did respond with to your matrix joke a reference said hello, mr Anderson Ella Mayo all caps with two sideways crying emojis and a hand over the mouth She said mr. Anderson question mark You're in oh, yeah, she doesn't know yeah, and I'll explain it to her yeah, okay But I was trying to find it is this is like a real person or a bot I think she's real I looked up matrix with that spelling on Facebook, and there's two options Matrix couch and matrix bite are the two

Matrix couch and matrix bite yeah, so it's either maybe one of them those are such Such non names dude if you marry her you take her last name if you're Connor cow ET table that's that's the type of name that is Matrix couch Your first here the first thing that came to your head was ET It's like that's the same Realm of film to me as made ET and matrix are all the same error

era 99 and like 92 maybe yeah, no 90s Blockbuster hits that everyone saw I've never seen et That's a bit so maybe I haven't either Couldn't tell you one thing about et except for the bike. I don't know any plot point Yeah, I mean I remember the that's from the the like I remember that one scene the CIA where they're like they like Back then like whenever the CIA would show up in a movie They would just construct tents and like a mobile station. They were big on that. That's the only thing I remember

I didn't like ET was like horrifying my brother my brother loves spamming the joke ET the extra testicle Why because he looks like a ball? Your brother says ET the extra testicle love that joke Why? Because he looks like a ball. Oh. And um. That's a joke he spams. He spams. Yeah. That's all your brother says, ET the extra testicle. He loved that joke. So it kind of ruined it for me. Yeah.

I never, I was never into that movie. No. I was too smart. You were too smart? Yeah. No. I was into other shit. Not at all.

Matrix bite. Is it B-Y-T-E? B-I-T-E. Oh, that'd be cool. Just bite. And what are the, how do they, how's, how are they looking? Not at all matrix bite This is a BYTE Just bite and what are they how do they how's how they looking right cute? Yeah there we go Mookie move I'm getting like a golf vibe for some reason maybe that's cuz I just the matrix You guys saying bite is golf. I bet yeah, are you guys doing? You go on? No, it was like this some of the normal things you guys are doing and consuming right now. Yeah You watching the bear no I am

It's it's good. It's stressful from what I've heard I don't want to like spoil it for anyone that hasn't watched it, but I didn't season two was much better I don't like how he calls his sister sugar It's a little that's I hate that. Oh that is strange. You got a love when they call Cicero uncle though What's that they call him on they call a monk? Yeah What is Cicero? The uncle that fronts them the money. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they do that a lot because the other guys is just cousin Yes, yeah, I'm diving into a ten book series malazan book of the fallen excited for that Ten books. That's too many dude. It's less than wheel of time So that's that's too many dude, that's just like it's probably not enough for as much as they're packing into malazan book of the fallen

Are you doing it just to finish it or are you doing it to enjoy it. I enjoy I enjoy these mm-hmm, and I enjoy the The hurdle that it is Reading a challenge like that feels good, and there's just so much yeah And you're trying to be like the the top of the pile in terms of like nerd sci-fi stuff like oh, I went through Yeah, that's what you're trying. Yeah, you want you want it to just have completed. Yes. That's what you want You like you see the ten book thing. You're like, it's really good It might be really good, but you want to finish a ten book. I want I do want to recommend a ten book Oh my god, you've got to try it

And then you'd be like, I'm listen, I know it's a lot but I glided through it No, I know I would say something like the first three thousand pages are a bit of a slog but Because I don't want anybody else to read it I want it to be my thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I Bought that book you recommend my Kindle the Norse mythology. I finished that this morning You finished it this morning. Yeah, what is it a It's it's it's really nice. Very easy. No, it's like a reinterpretation of these old stories. Okay. Yeah, have you started it? Fuck no, okay No, absolutely not but I've been watching the I finally got into the boys, and I just binged the whole thing

That's what I've been doing The normal thing I've been doing that is normal. Yeah, I'm doing survivor Did you did you watch the best show did you watch pro islands yet? No, I've done Kaga in or whatever David briskel I then now would you be good on the show? No, because I would be I would be perfect at making the top six because I would go under the radar, but it's the two things that I'm most uncomfortable with socially that I'd have to do and that is connecting and forming a bond with people from different walks of life And then betraying people from is that watching laundry out because we have the exact same upbringing What everything you yeah, yeah because we have the exact same upbringing what

everything you yeah yeah we're from the same village I just can't fake like oh yeah like I can yeah that's cool I can't I can't do that yeah like we we had we came from a village with one restaurant we bonded over Ernie's Esquire. Esquire. Yeah. Which is now a retirement home. And always. I saw that coming. Yeah. So no rest. And the survivor. It's the best. Yeah. Oh, my God. Especially the early ones. Oh, I just. It makes me say that makes you say every scene is.

Really? Yeah, because it's not like reality TV. This is real. This is Real this is real people forced to be real reality TV is just people like putting on whatever For the camera. This is real and then I go into the discussion posts that already happened and on reddit and read every comment Oh my god. It's that's the happiest. I've a while. Are you off weed? I'm off weed. So does that mean the Oculus is collecting dust? No, it's not as enjoyable, but it's like I wake up every day. I realized I was sat, weed was too enjoyable. So now I have to like become bored

and force myself to do things. I took a bath after we ran. That was normal. I haven't taken a bath since I got poison sumac in my butt crack in eighth grade. How'd you get it? How'd you get it done? That's the time to do it.

Cause I had scabies on my groin. Yeah. And I was like, ah, time to get a bath. I was just wearing shorts outside, sat down. And I guess I got sumac in my butt crack. Oof. And it was like, it was so swollen. It like spread my ass.

Like my ass was like permanently gaping for a little while. Sumac was, like everyone was getting ivy. I had Sumac. Sumac, you had to go to the dark corners of the woods. Well I did. Like the weird corner. I was in the weird corner. We had to go into hollow log and like search for nymphs.

Like no one was getting Sumac. That's exactly, I was deep in the woods and I found a pool of shit. There was a pipe broken and I came back out and I told the mayor and I made the newspaper Because I there was like a they had to go into the woods. I was breaking news. There was shit that was flooding the woods That is pretty interesting. Yeah, but I Got sumac around that time. Oh my god But so yeah, I took a bath. After we ran.

At Niles. Unbelievable. Put a lush bath bomb in. Nice. Cause I don't have to worry about pH balance. What does that do? Make it smell better? It fizzes. There was just one sitting on the lip of the bathtub. Which I think was more for display. I've never enjoyed a bath.

It's like five seconds. Oh, yes. And like, oh, now what? Yeah. Yeah. It like now I'm going to watch my dick float horribly. I my there's no way a dick can float well because the bath, you think, is like stagnant water, but it is so light. Yes. And small and hollow that the

slightest movement of my arm will have that shit like a fucking Car lot inflatable. It becomes so light. It is like a mass that is impossible to achieve An atomically impossible mass. It's on underwater dick is insane and It's an atomically impossible mass. It's underwater dick is insane and it's so, I barely move my arm and it's just. That is relatable as hell, because I barely take baths, but I try to make it heavier.

I think that's why girls like baths, because. What? Bubble up some cum to make it heavier. To make the dick float back. To the edge. To make it more like a boob. So it's less hollow. Like summon it up. How else would you make the dick float back edge like a boo. It's less hollow How else would you make your dick heavier?

How else would you make your dick heavier our hard dicks heavier than soft absolutely are you sure yeah? They must because there's more blood blood in it. I guess okay Yeah, so you just I think that's why girls like bats because they don't have a dick to look at right Yeah, their pussy looks good from that angle Like the water refracting Right. Yeah, their pussy looks good from that angle. Why is it the most crass thing I've ever. Like the water refracting out like that, like the mysterious mound. I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. Pussy doesn't isn't affected by currents.

I've never talked to any confirm this. No, there's no. Yeah. Pussy isn't affected by currents at all. Yeah, I think I can remember every time I took a bath. I've been really self-conscious after. And the thing is, it's not like the water is cold by any means. Oh, yeah, it's comfortable. And things look bigger underwater, right?

I guess, yeah. I don't know. I don't like it. Not in our case. No. Yeah. Seeing your penis in that suspended state. It looks like a fetus in a jar It's like it's like remember when you bought like the shark babies in a jar. Yeah, you ever get those Yeah, that's the same thing it just kind of moves real dead. Yeah, like the thing at Coney Island Yeah, oh, yeah, yes, it looks so powerless Yeah, that's that's that's what it is. So you use the bath bomb to. Cover it. No, because then it was just magenta and small.

There was nothing I could have done. It might have made it smaller. I don't like those bath bombs really, either. It smells great. Yeah, but it feels like it feels like you're in like a boba. But I wasn't supposed to use it. It was just it was there for decor in the bathroom that nobody else would see So you shower after I shower before

Before a bath. Yeah, I don't want to get any crust from my butt hole But you didn't shower after you didn't I always like every time I took a bath I felt weird are you supposed to shower before and after a bath? Do baths make you dirty? I took a bath. I felt weird. Are you supposed to shower before and after a bath? Do baths make you dirty? Wait, who is showering before or after I showered real quick before cuz I was sweaty I didn't want to be in a pool of my sweat. I Think most people shower after because you've you just sort of don't feel really like you shower before a bath I think either works. Yeah, no, you can't do you can't go into a bath dirty. That's disgusting Then what's the fucking point relaxation?

Baths are not for hygiene They used to be yes No, they're not for hygiene at all no you have like a film like on you after it's for that one exhale It's for maybe turning on the hot water with your foot and then sliding down Yeah Saying you deserve this and then looking at your small But I can never even get the slide down right because then like your butt cheeks like sometimes will class Yeah, and sometimes they don't and then you slide a little bit too far

And then you try to readjust and your palms slip off the bottom bath suck. It's a fucking joke, dude. Yeah Baths, but it's weird because hot tubs are great hot tubs suck to I'm suck. I like them You you're either good. They're enjoyable for a little bit longer than a bath hot tubs are for people who like try a sample of ice cream Yeah That's a say. It's a perfect overlap on the Venn It's like a tits like a man hot tubs have a longer I will get so pissed if I'm waiting in line for ice cream and they asked to try the orange Sherbert you know what that fucking taste like exactly you don't need to try the orange sherbert

Any no adult should be able to try? Yeah, there should be an age limit on that if those little spoons, too That's the gayest thing you could do lick off a little spoon. Yeah Okay, okay, what about the Rocky road. It's all yeah, you know what that tastes like everything. Yeah Okay, okay, what about the Rocky road. It's all yeah, you know what that tastes like everything. Yeah, you know yeah That yeah, I don't fuck around when it comes ice cream. I just get or cookies and cream you do cookies and cream So I'm a sherbert man Rainbow sherbert or or raspberry

Either or what is sherbert? It's a no. It's a non. What are you going to tell me? Dairy. It's a non-dairy one. I think it's more water based, right? I don't know. I think it's refreshing as all hell. Yeah, it is. Sherbert.

A frozen dessert made from water, sugar and no, cream and milk. Those are good actually. I like those. Yeah. Yeah. Good shit. I got a voice memo from Matrix. Matrix sent you a voice memo. Oh my God. She sent me an eight second voice memo. I respond a voice memo from matrix. Matrix sent you a voice.

Oh my God. I mean, eight second voice memo. I respond. She said, Mr. Anderson question mark. I said, it's a matrix reference, all caps, LMAO. And here is, I haven't heard it. So I'm just going to let it rip. Oh, I haven't seen them moving a while and I'm horrible with names.

So didn't know that. What was that? Is that a bot? That was sexy voice bot. Yeah, this is a dude. That's it. I don't know if it's a dude. This is a dude operating a machine. Yeah. She's not good with names. Oh, she forgot mr. Anderson Rudy what do you think? I don't I haven't heard I got me fine. I haven't heard enough women in my life to

Dissect that I think that this is just that was too performatively sexy of a voice Yeah, they're on a dating app. They don't fucking know each other like she's just doing they're filling air right now, but To play it again Good laugh the exhale there This is a good I'm actually very curious now cuz now I'm leaning. This is a man like holding a woman hostage She didn't sound captive And I can detect you can tell when I can tell when a girl is capped you are the best even if she has Stockholm

Syndrome you are the best that Rudy's the best with women you gotta get more far. You can tell when people are captive Yeah, by the yeah by the octaves You can tell when people are captive. Yeah, by the octaves. Keep this going. Okay. In real time. Voicemail back? Yeah, voicemail back and just send her back

like a Japanese man sound. Eee. Can you do it? Yeah. Ha ha ha. Oh. You wanna do it? Oh, shou shima.

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no You applied intro to Chinese in one box. Do you know Chinese? I know I called the Chicago Mandarin Center. They said I couldn't show up. So you can't even qualified to try to learn before anybody's up in arms. We're doing private one on ones. Yes. Yes. In person still. But so you guys are pivoting to one on ones. Yes, because I think that's better. Yeah. Next class I could register for isn't for another month.

So I thought it would be funny in a full class, but one on ones will be fine. Mook, look up something to say in Chinese and send it to her. And then we will wait five minutes. I kind of wanted to see if she's real, like ask her, ask her if she's real in Chinese. Other way. That's kind of desperate to be like, you sounds so much better. OK, you got it. First lesson. I just be like, I'm sorry if you don't get that. I'm learning Chinese and practicing.

Yeah, that's actually gonna work. That could be good. Yeah, that's actually gonna work. She's in the. Yeah, perfect. Nishis and them. And then just make your voice really sorry. I was sorry. I bet I've been learning Chinese and was practicing.

Sounded good. He's a really good. I'm going to be good at this. You should send that to the you should use that as an application. OK, so I center that and then follow up with, hey, sorry, I'm learning Mandarin right now. Just like not sure if you know Mandarin or not. Let me know if you don't. I can I can tell you what I meant.

Not sure if you know Mandarin or not. No, make your voice deeper. Deeper. Not sure if you knew Mandarin or not. What if you don't let me what? Bite your lip midway through. Apologize first. Apologize. Bite your lip midway through. Apologize first, apologize, yeah. Bite your lip hard, audibly. Sorry, not sure if you know Mandarin or not,

but I'm learning right now. That was like moaning, you were moaning. You were moaning. That sounded like you were the middle, it sounded like you were in a pussy. That was too, that was too, that sounded like you were mid, it could work. That's what girls are into.

Do you want me to play it back? Oh no, just send her another one, just be like, I wasn't fucking, by the way. That was just, no,'s how good you are. That's what girls are into. Do you want me to play it back? Oh no, just send her another one. Just be like, I wasn't fucking, by the way. No, just send her one more voice memo of you laughing. Yeah, that's pretty good. This is gonna work. Okay. Okay. Nish ready? Okay.

Nishizandama. That's really good Chinese. You sound amazing. Sorry, not sure if you know Mandarin or not. But I'm learning right now. Ah. Hahaha. Hahaha.

Sounds good, dude. That sounds good. Great job. Sounds good dude. Play your Chinese again. Great job. It sounds smooth. It sounded so buttery. That was buttery. That was buttery.

Play yours. Dude, that shit was velvety. Wow. Okay. That sounded so like calming. That gave me like an ASMR response. That was like Google quality. You might have like a really good Chinese voice.

Yeah. I hope you become a Chinese voice actor. Oh, that'd be amazing. Yeah. I could see the Vice video now. Meet China's biggest voice actor from Philly. Nishin. That's amazing.

Dude, I need you to enter the matrix. I need you to. Oh matrix. I need you to oh, yeah, and reload it, too What are some other matrix movies um to Enter the matrix you need to reload and do it again and then to two My god alright, hopefully she responds anything else boys is there a notification if she sees it I Don't think so Who she might know we're still here She almost unmatched

She probably will. Why? She responded to a voice memo to your dumbass, Mr. Anderson. She has a voice memo prompt in her profile that says a boundary of mine is and I haven't read that. Well, what is our boundary? A boundary of mine is be respectful. Thank you. Why is that? You're welcome. Being respectful is be respectful. Thank you.

Why is that? You're welcome. Being respectful is a boundary. Yeah. Yeah. What is that? So is that that's kind of that's not that's just a the order of that's not that's not said correctly.

Not said correctly. All right. Well, we'll see if she answers. Yeah, she's cool. She seems really cool If I go on a date with her we have to have another BRG meetup at the date You want to invite all the boys everyone's invited all right you guys heard it time locate I'm back to thinking she's just real. I just I think she's real. I think you squandered it. Oh

Yeah, you're gonna end up with Vaseline. Not me. Oh. She, yeah. We'll see. All right, anything else, boys? Shaq licked up with Hawk Tua. Yeah. Oh my god, Shaquille.

Are you gonna go on an anti-Shaq rant that we have to edit out again? No, I think I might stand by it There are people who like being famous the perks and whatnot people there are people who love being famous And there are people who need to be famous and that's that's Shaquille. That is Shaquille Yeah, he's everywhere. He he Has to be tired, right tired right how he's yeah He's if he didn't do another thing after basketball. He would be a top 10 basketball He had to like go your fly to meet or talk to a girl to take a big a post about it

exhausting Let's call them No, don't don't I Got when I learn more Mandarin phrases. I want to call them in matter. It's a shack no Chinese I Feel like he does for some reason I don't know I move Google to shack no China probably he's be so two billion people for him to be famous to What? Yeah, shacks fluid and Chinese. Okay, that's impressive

No, no, I think that was He learned one word Which word? Oh, I oh I Think he said something in jest. Yeah, it was the okay. Oh God He spoke out JK Rowling names her Chinese characters mm-hmm exactly All right on that note. God bless. Have a nice Fourth of July yeah