A New Untold Story - Costco Gays - A New Untold Story: Ep. 412

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

pittsburgh, costco guys, and a paul skenes appearance. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Mando - Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo ANUS at https://ShopMando.com! #mandopod Chubbies - Get 20% off with the code ANUS at https://www.chubbiesshorts.comYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Yo, is it OK if I test his mic? Hold on, let me take my fucking bracelet off. Mm hmm. You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story over told? Fuck no, baby. It's a new untold story Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby!

It's a new untold story A new untold story It's a fresh-baked untold story A new untold story. New untold story episode. Pittsburgh. For one to wow. One of the most distinctive, unique, charming cities in America.

What do you mean by charming? Geographically charming. Okay. The rolling hills overlooking the waterway that is a confluence of three different rivers. The architecture, the adorable homes homes the religious relics Pittsburgh yeah, mmm. I always say whenever anyone asks North Central Jersey made me Wheeling West Virginia raised me

Kent, Ohio is where I became a man okay And Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is where I became a boy. In that order? So you became a man and then became a boy? Not in that order. You just said it. In a more important sequence of life events is becoming a boy. Becoming a boy is more important than becoming a man. You just become a boy by default.

Some people stay boys. No, Pittsburgh is where... some people don't become boys. What do they do? Pittsburgh has the toughest fucking boys in the Western hemisphere. The toughest boys. Yes. Western hemisphere.

It is a boys wrestling hotbed that nothing can compare to. What makes the boys so tough? It's they just start training early. Pull ups, pull ups. Youth wrestling in Pittsburgh. Was that a diaper joke? Yeah.

No, no. I started going to Pittsburgh to train at 10 years old and that's when I became a boy Do you remember the moment you're like wow? I'm a boy. Yeah, I went from L'Oreal in the bathtub to anti-fungal creams and lotions in the shower Ringworm and impotent. Oh, so you were using the L'Oreal no-tear shampoo that looked like a. You could play with it and then just the snap of a finger. Yeah, I started going to Jim Akerly at the Quest School of Wrestling. We were 10, 9, 8, 11, 12.

Doing there's an easier way to say that. We were young doing push ups. Until our epididymis spasms. I'm running out of. But yeah, these these boys in Pittsburgh were so good at wrestling. It's you can't even explain it. We would go to the North Allegheny Young Guns Youth Tournament and there would be like crowds of single women coming to watch. There is like 27 year old respiratory therapists from Cranberry were going to watch Sam Gwede,

Sam Gwede, sorry Sam, take on Perry Hills. They were going to watch Connor Schramm take on Jimmy Gulligan. And they had no ties to the boys? No, like these guys were the most decorated 55 pounders of all time. These guys like you don't understand Pittsburgh wrestling. These guys were doing double weight classes every Saturday, Sunday tournaments. They were stacking their top 100 points. They were their entire basements needed renovated.

They were their families were uprooting their lives to get them to better school districts. What how did you compare to these tough boys? The more I trained with them, the better I got. You know, I peaked in fifth grade. That's when you were the best wrestler? I won two-way classes at North Hills double championship. But there was guys like Shram, Megalutis, Gullabon, Wearchok. But there was guys like Schramm, Megalutis, Gulluban, Wearchok. These guys, oh my God. Yeah. Impressive stuff.

Yeah, thanks. Is this like a Foxcatcher situation? I haven't seen that movie. No, there's four world-class clubs in Pittsburgh alone. You had Quest with Jim, that was my team. You had Pitbull with Sonny Abe. You had All American with Rob Waller. You had Young Guns with Jody Stripmatter.

I remember I lost three to two. What percentage of our fans are gonna be like, hell yeah. I don't know, this is something I'm passionate about. It's gonna have to be one of those boys. No, everyone knew Connor Schramm and Jimmy Gullibon. Have you seen them now, or they? I remember there was kids like they were eight and under forty five pounders and their parents like their lives were ruined

just to get at the top of the top one hundred. Yeah. So Pittsburgh and what a plan. We can be done with wrestling now. You sure? Boys wrestling. Yeah. You know, you can keep going if you like. We could still talk about you can still talk I have there's no way any other human could ever just have input on that you're right there's that that was for me to speak and me to speak on of course and I say back I feel like chest yeah do

you feel good yes speaking of Pittsburgh before we can talk more about it we were downstairs Paul skeins is down there and he looked at you and he said you don't think I'm hitting it right did no he didn't there's no way he's ever seen that I think you all appreciate that you think you would appreciate

that yeah he's probably tired and borderline jealous I'd be tens of thousands of 12 year olds lusting after and borderline jealous of the tens of thousands of 12 year olds lusting after his piece. Or his. How many 12 year olds would it take? How many 12 year olds being attracted to your girlfriend would it take for you to be jealous?

It's a good hypothetical. Thank you. I think once we got into the tens of thousands. Statistically, one is better than you. Right, and that would be my gripe with my girl like you got to stop posting Cuz I know they're 12 but look at like Look at Sam Guitti Good greedy could we'd have pulled Livy at 12 like winning the tournament of champions, winning Tulsa national, winning Reno worlds.

Yeah. It would take 10,000 12 year olds for you to be jealous. Statistically one is tough and cute. There has to be at least one. I mean that would make you feel some type of way, right? If it was tens of thousands of 12 year olds That were all attracted. That's like a Not as I would tens of thousands at a certain point

It is just like an The number it's like an unfathomable amount and you you the dumb part of my brain is like how many of them is it? Like how you'd be pissed off if we were at a bar and like a field trip walked by and five boys were like, hey, what's your name? What's your Snapchat? To my girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah, because it would exhibit a level of confidence that my girlfriend knows I don't have.

A level of bravery and courage that she knows I don't have. Yeah, yeah. She would consider them maybe as an investment. Oh yeah, long as an investment. Yeah. Long term investment in person would be very difficult to traverse. I think one 12 year old would I'd be like, what the fuck is that? One would.

Yeah. Yeah. Like one 12 year old in person hitting on my girlfriend would be really fucking difficult. Well, yeah. What what like do you ask? Does he does he laugh? I don't even know what you do. You don't. You don't. Well, if you don't act tough.

But what about 15 I Think I think you got to kind of puff up a little bit state I think I'd hit him with a these 15 I hit him with a like you yeah, yeah, you're fun. You remind me of me yeah Stay in there keep going all right, but what is one is like? What if he's a really mature 10? Like a 10 out of 10? No, like 10 years old. No, dude. But a 12 is where you start to...

12, like I was in Cooperstown at 12 and I was seeing 6'2 dudes hit 12 home runs in the Derby. Jason Luster moved from Georgia to Pittsburgh just to wrestle. Wow. Yeah. But Pittsburgh was a great place to grow up in our time. Our era. Yeah. Yeah. It was sports were just unlike anything else. I just remember. so it was, the pirates for some reason were so popular,

it was like right when PNC opened. Brian Giles. Brian Giles I loved, but every woman, yeah? Jason Kendall. My mom, I was like getting pissed at my mom for how much she had to crush. They were lusting over Jason Kendall. He was on hot dog packaging and my mom saved how much she had a crush. They were lusting over Jason Candle. He was on hot dog packaging,

and my mom saved hot dog packaging, and pinned it on the fridge. He was like a picture of him? There was a picture of him on the hot dogs. Oh, Nick. Yeah, that's... I walked in on my significantly older- There's a lot of other ways to get a picture of someone.

I walked in on my significantly older babysitter masturbating to just encounter That's how it that's how it was though. I think I was like I was eight and I think she was 17th and I walked in she was in my house. Yeah, I believe that she probably took one of the hot dog pack You're not even kidding. No Kendall had Fancy catcher Catholic housewives pummeling. Yes huge yes flicking it to a catcher yes Good for him. Oh my god. Yeah, they thought it was like Better cuz he was more clothed than other players, but they were still beating their shit

They were fucking the fuck out of their shit It's a Hawkeye move when they do the thing where they lift the they lift it yeah, he had a strong jaw I get it I like backwards hat yeah, but the Pirates actually caught on To like how much older women loved this guy and so like I love Jason Kendall He had his own bobblehead night and he had a foam finger night now. I went up for there for that Oh that foam finger. Yeah, do you remember Jason Kendall's night? Giles was foam finger and bobblehead. Yes Kendall was you remember foam finger and bobble head. Yes Kendall was you remember?

Finger and head yes It was just a regular sized hand of his that you got yeah, and then And then head was gay you go suck a cock. Yeah, yeah No, it was you got like a like a sculpture like a very good sculpture of his head. Yeah, a gape mouth Yeah, it was moisture wicking Yeah, it was the no bobble No bobble and no foam the opposite

What's the opposite of foam the opposite of foam? It's not the absence of mass certainly not no, I don't know yeah, it's stumped philosophers for a while all right game time We've said Everything that needs to be said about game time But I love talking about it because I genuinely do use this for any tickets that I'm buying I got Sabrina carpenter tickets, which were really hard to get I got them like I've said it before but You can go get tickets for shows that are way far away or games that are happening right now.

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Use code anus, A-N-U-S, at shopmando.com, S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. We, I mean, right off the bat, we had the Penguin's dynasty. We were born into the Penguin's dynasty. Not really. Yammer Yager. Lemieux? Mario Lemieux. Yeah.

Was it a dynasty though? And like Troy, Paul, Amalu came. Like they taught us that it's okay to be foreign. Yeah. As long as you're actively performing at a hall of fame level. Yes, as long as you don't make one mistake. They had a bad game.

Listen, you're all right if you contribute a lot. Yeah, like you had to win a Stanley Cup and then be like, okay, I won't be racist towards those two guys. It wasn't for the racism. Dripal Mahlo did things that he should be immortalized. He was popular post 9-11, which was tough for anybody with that complexion in the area.

People were very xenophobic toward him, but he was and is Hawaiian. Yeah. Yeah. They thought he, they, like in Pittsburgh, it's like white and black and then terrorist. Yeah. And so, couldn't be further away.

Every time he would fuck up, like, cause he would play, you know, it would probably drive some coaches crazy, try to like jump over the line and he would get caught every once in a while. And that's fuck up, like, cause he would play, you know, it would probably drive some coaches crazy, try to like jump over the line, and he would get caught every once in a while, and that's when people were like, get that fucking terrorist off the field. It was bad.

Hawaii almost couldn't be further away from the Middle East. Oh, the contraire. Not, it's this, Pittsburgh, it's Hawaii and Afghanistan are the same exact distance. Yeah. To the mile. I've only been there once. I went for a wedding and I was blown away by the hills.

Hills, yeah. Coming in. Right, and we didn't realize. It was almost like the Shire of any place I've been. It's amazing. The tunneled Fort Pitt tunnel. Food, you know. Progies.

Progies. Listen, progies are good as a side. As soon as you're whipping up an entree of progies, that's a problem. Progies are two ingredients, it's like the pockets filled with mashed potatoes that taste exactly the same. It's like eating a hot ice cube. Yeah it is. It tastes eating a hot ice cube Yeah, it is the tits tastes like a hot ice cube. Yeah, I'm a progi fan, but you're kind of right Yeah, they're pretty pretty basic. Yeah

sheets Going to sheets some of y'all haven't been to sheets in 2003 Do you remember when she started I do what about You remember going into Sheets in 03? Not specifically. It was like going to Babylon in 500 BC. In what way, Kyle? Everything was so grand and illuminated and there were so many options. You walked in, you were like, something's about to happen. It was the first time I used a touch screen. The Fizz City, the Freal milkshakes. Yeah, Freal milkshakes were not any better than any something's about to happen it was the first time he's a touchscreen his city the for real milkshake

Yeah, for real milkshakes were the end not any better than any milk none of it was good I get my popcorn chicken with my spicy dr. Pepper sauce. Oh, that's foul. No you've never done. I don't like dr. Pepper Why are you talking cool? I don't know You know you like Dr. Pepper? No, okay. I don't know what it is. I don't know what I'm supposed to be anticipating flavor-wise and it always shocks me. It's just Dr. Pepper. It's like, I don't know, is this like spicy? Is this like savory? Is it like a dessert? What about like Mountain Dew or Coke? Love it.

Citrus and orange and delightful refreshing flavor coke What is coke that I don't like it? I don't get what it is I never liked dark soda because I don't know what I'm supposed to be taste. What about root beer horrible What okay, right what like you know like fruits are delicious the juices are refreshing But like when you give me a dark soda, and I'm like, oh it's cola flavored? That's not anywhere in my brain. Like there is no familiar cola spot in my brain.

You have to know exactly what you're tasting to enjoy it. Yeah, like dark soda, and I'll even say beer. You're like an agnostic soda drinker. Just like I know something out. I like the ones that taste like good known flavors. Orange, delicious. Lemon lime, pretty good. Grape, great.

And then you give me a brown fizzy drink and it's like, what flavor is this? And they say cola and I I'm like what is Cola? What is it? I'm kind of like are you like no like that is such you can't people can't invent new flavors You have to have the original flavors that come from the ground I don't know what it is like my brain thrives on familiarity. It's Cola and And give me like a little recap of coal No, but I'm just saying like you could just be like what is orange? Well, I know what oranges like from

Infancy on I've regularly tasted oranges and derivatives like clementines and tangerines and I and I know the flavor and I like the Flavor you like cream soda if it's if it's like orange cream, yeah What about just regular cream? No No, cuz cream. It's cream Okay, you know what cream is I? Don't know what your argument like you didn't tell me what cola is or why we okay. Let's pivot to cream You know what cream is mm-hmm cream is a dessert. I want my pies to be cream

I don't want my beverages to be cream, but orange is like a breakfast Okay, Rudy not even a float root beer float those are delicious like the ice cream Pittsburgh okay What what else there's Kenny wood and Sandcastle. Huge parts of our childhood. Settlers cabin. I don't know Settlers cabin. What is Settlers cabin? That sounds like no fun. Doing a backflip off of the 10 meter high dive at Settlers cabin in front of girls from another school district was a gateway drug For a lot of Pittsburgh youth boys for heroin for hair

Oh, there's no feeling that compares to that settlers cabin back flip. Did you ever do it? I never did it. I just penciled I Was a pencil guy too. That's dude. What's settlers cabin? It was like a wave pool. You know I was more Initiated all right, then we had oh yeah, look at that Sydney Crosby. We had Ben Roethlisberger I'm not I'm saying we but you get it Then we had the Mac Miller with Khalifa era. Oh my god. Yeah, Taylor alder dice high school. Yeah great Yeah, it was a great time of movement for white boys RIP Mac Did you uh did you ever wear a Taylor Gang t-shirt to school? I did.

Yeah, me too. It's on my Facebook. Really? What was the oldest you were wearing a Taylor Gang t-shirt? It was summer of 10, fall of 10. Okay. It was short-lived. Senior year.

That's what ruined Pittsburgh, ultimately. Because then white guys tried to be swaggy. And in Pittsburgh it was all just sports paraphernalia. Yeah. The hottest you could be was in like a press on Cordell Stewart jersey. Yeah. Then the Taylor Gang era had dudes over accessorizing too many colors, watches, snapbacks. You fell into that trap. Yeah. But you were a big color coordinator.

Yeah. Red shirt, red pants, red shoes, red hat. That was big though. Like the rappers were into it, Justin Bieber was doin' it. Yeah. Girls loved it, yeah. Pittsburgh is the most color coordinated city I can think of.

Sports wise, yeah, I think every city should do that. It's nice. Because like when you go to an Eagles game, and you're wearing the fucking Green Jersey with a red hat Yeah, that clashes get your pinpointed when you're calling a player the n-word get fuck that guy It clashes it does move. It's red and green Red and green goes great together all right. We're I'm wearing a green hoodie right now in orange Yeah for the flyer. Yeah Get it together. We stick we stand up get it. Yeah, no every every fucking city does that

Is there any other coordinated cities? um Seattle a little bit mmm Seattle a little bit I Seattle a little bit. Tealy. Pittsburgh's the only one I can think of. More places should do that. It reminds me more of like, it's like a family house.

You know what I mean? Like everyone's kind of on the same tribe and you have vassal states. Yeah, it's like vassal states. Vassal states, precisely. If we're talking that, I saw a picture of me in the chain mail. Somebody DM'd saw a picture of me in the chainmail somebody's DM me a picture of me in the chainmail and a picture of you in the chainmail and I looked like I sleep next to my bow and arrow and you look like

you sleep next to your bow and yang I thought it was gonna be like the other way around. Hell no, dude. You know how hard it is to look gay as fuck in armor? That was me? Yeah. What was I doing? I didn't think it was possible, but you did it. I haven't seen one of you. I thought he was gonna say the opposite.

I saw the picture of you. It looked like your bones were collapsing under the weight of it. He's talking about neck, yeah. Yeah, it was. Right, yeah., you could stop like when you're standing Gay in armor nobody can do that We're Costco, okay Dude alright, so we did this subathon the best of and I was a little drunk and

You brought for Costco gays. I knew you were wasted because you loved it. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Yeah. We're Costco gays. Who are the guys? Wait, it's BJ. Big just ass.

That's all he fucks. Just ass. We're Costco gays. It's gay J and big just ass no no Why would it be gay? That's just it's simple, but you can't go Costco gays than gay Jay already doing the lowest level of who are you Jonathan Swift? It's gotta be it can't be on the nose. We're talking about Costco gay No, but I just think it's like do BJ it's just

there it's one letter past a I'm kind of BJ and just a big just I'm married to gay Jay but it goes Costco gays with featuring gay Jay gay gay is redundant it's like it's a bit redundant BJ is predominantly heterosexual no I bet you gay dudes suck more dick than women. I think- I bet you more dick is sucked by dude. I think gay guys will skip the BJ often. No, no, no, no. I think, well, BJ is, if anything-

Talk to any, talk to, we'll get two married couples. A man and a woman and a man and a man. Which gets, which couple sucks more dick? That's why we're gonna go BJ and big just a Percent of people are gay. I think I think it's gay Jay We're Costco You're being big just ass. Of course. We center our hips when we power walk to the ice coffee We're Costco gays. Of course. Are you going to do double

cock lit double cock lit dick nookie? I can't think. Of course I'm going to have a double cock lick dick. We're Costco gays. Of course we reorient our wrists when we wait for the handicapped stall Gay guys will always stand in place and just reorient a big gay thing to me Costco gays of course we groped the Guatemalan stalker boy one is vulnerable on the ladder Costco you're making these gay men criminals. Yes. Of course we refer to the cake decorator as our little handsome huzz butches.

We're Costco gays. Of course we break out into shares believe when we sample the link truffles. Yeah. All right, do the little little do the boys voice, but be trying the acting All right, you're gonna have to get stay with me here. Try the instead no no no what you good guys dick We're Costco gays of course we're gonna try the dick and blank Sober as a clam right now, and I uh

Dude, sober as a clam right now and I uh, very funny to me. Very funny. Except for gay Jay, that just doesn't really make any sense. Yeah, BJ is better. BJ just oozes gay. If you're a Costco gay named BJ, they know what kind of dick, they know your sucking dick. I get it. What?

What you got What was the cousin with the provolone? cousin Angelo cousin Angelo man Cousin This is good shit Angelo. What's that smell? What that's what it says that was the whole bit cousin Angelo and Sally slices who Sally slices He runs the pizza shop

Cousin man, I blow what's that smell? My penis I Can't do it dude Yeah, there's there's yeah, I think it would go go crazy crazy viral on tik-tok man I wanted I wanted it posted so we have to post this well the thing is like we just had a viral tick-tock So I want to just tear it down a little bit I think you we got a realize saying no to him in the voice. Yeah I don't think it's a good idea

Wait, you think about the digital footprint. Here's what you recorded on the stream by the way That's that's so funny that is mook mook doomed pussy Let's try this pussy. Yeah. It's a big do. Oh, man. That has tremendous, those guys are gonna be, I think, in the office Friday,

and this comes out on a Thursday, so hopefully. They are coming. Yeah. I won't be here. Oh, geez. I got priors, but I don't know. I guess embrace, I won't be here. Oh geez priors, but I don't know I Guess him embrace. I don't what is the attitude should I show them just like hey We we like we do a like a SNL s parody of you guys. It's like a huge honor

It's like weird out covering one of your songs how old is Is the boy big justice? He's probably like 11. Yeah. Oh man. What? This is, I mean, this is just the start. Big Justice. I feel something toward these men.

Something powerful. But you don't know what it is. I don't know if it's like, it's like tremendous sympathy or I just don't know. Big Justice's name is Eddie. The trajectory is traumatic, I think. You think? Well, how do you think the story ends?

I think he's a good father. Yeah, I think he's having fun with his son. I think the second his son stops having fun he has to stop doing it exposing a pre pubescent boy to just an Endless cycle to you widespread feedback from adults and peers alike I Mean look at what we just did yeah Yeah, you yeah like people like big part of the problem bad people he could easily See this This 11 year old boy and word

Costco Irreversible No Costco gays has tremendous legs. I Think it could be like a hit series You don't like it as much as me I like your your new character Oh, we're talking about that the mind yeah, I like this too. This is actually good the mindful jock He's a very liberal Steelers fan and so I'm going to just start responding There we go get the numbers up. Mm. Yeah, so uh

Well, uh, I want to be using this account I bought uh A mask holder for your disposable masks that says the Steelers logo from the nfl store But i'm going to do an unboxing of that I just got a custom Steelers Jersey number seven Kaepernick It was gonna actually piss people I'm gonna actually piss people off so I bought that mask holder And I'm gonna do an unboxing while while wearing the Big Ben you got a seriously I'm gonna like I'm gonna like if

If the Steelers ever do a kiss cam I want to be like this isn't like What about people wearing masks at the game or? I want to get like a mean Joe green signed helmet or like a or a Frank O'Hara signed helmet and put the concussion protector over the top of it. Yeah You're gonna get someone pft said get the terrible towel and do like the blue die the top half blue for you brain You should uh well, I guess but if anybody has any like liberal NFL shit to send me View it this is another barstool kush situation where like you walked in today And you were like I need you to squat on this account. Yeah, I get these ideas

I was like moot get the get the mindful jock. I need that so nobody else grabs it and Yeah, we'll see what happens with this one and I'm sure as soon as I get some legs I'll stop doing it You should try to like be serious though. I want you to legitimately piss off uninformed fan base. Yeah, I Think I think like weave in some light you will be very easily able to accomplish. Yeah, and I think Pittsburgh's the perfect Team yes, the the the Kaepernick custom Steelers Jersey Well, Big Ben was seven and so I know Kaepernick also you will get death threats

Yeah, I think but like via weird like tire irons like it'll be weird stuff. I'll beat you with a tire iron. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and so MOOC with a beautiful artist, masterstroke touch of putting the location at trying my best. That's perfect. That is so. Yeah. But you're also advertising yourself as like a jock, like as a. Yeah. Like I look at myself like I'm like different than other jocks. Yeah. You I'm like mindful and the gloves for lifting Oh like I just I want to I

Want to be an inclusive jock you care I care I care exactly and so I just want to be Sympathetic towards everybody all peoples mm-hmm, and I love my fucking Steelers, and that's the whole bit Mm-hmm really it's the whole bit. Really, it's, my bit is being like a pretty good guy. Yeah. It's like, and I'm working hard. Yeah. I'm like spending a lot of brain power and money doing this.

To being considerate. Yeah. Yeah. The bit is being considerate, yes. Yeah. But you gotta lean, you gotta like slowly lean into like, you gotta get into the territory of like self-congrat being considerate. Yes. Yeah. Well, you got to lean. You got to like slowly lean into like you got to get into the territory of like self congratulate like you got to congratulate.

Oh yeah. For like being the first on there and like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to I'm going to you're going to see this account responding to every Steelers tweet and just I got to think of some more things though. Does yeah. Does I think like I think every time like a I'm gonna bring up Kaepernick a lot Yeah, but like when other just like non sports people still get jobs like if somebody like switches from ESPN to Fox

But Kaepernick still doesn't have a job or something just unrelated right? It's gonna be fun. Does Jerry know about this? I think this will just trick Jerry. Yes. You'll believe it. I will probably get a really mean DM on this account from Jerry. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, don't tell Jerry.

Yeah, we will not. I might respond. I'll start responding to Jerry. Yeah, that's where you gotta start. That's where you gotta start, yeah. Cause eventually he will figure it out. Yeah. So you gotta go quick on him. Yeah, and I'm gonna do like unboxings Maybe not show my face. Just like I think lean into being tall

Why I think it's an added layer of smugness. Yes talk down to like yeah. Yeah, you always mentioned short players Oh, yeah, uh-huh. Okay You have to start a movement and tag Jerry Steelers players for Kamala or oh, yeah fans for Kamala um I Might like put up screenshots of my fantasy team and just like I guess this isn't that crazy Not have any white players Yeah, that's what I'll be just a really good team. Not exceptionally great. Oh my God.

All right, Kyle, you're the thigh man. You're the thigh man. Tell them about Chubby. That's Rudy. Rudy and Kyle are the thigh men. Chubby's is the future and it's the present. And one day it it's the present. And one day it will be the past.

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at checkout at chubbiesshorts.com. That's 20% off your order with the promo code anus. Support our show and tell them we sent you. And you can do that, that's an option. You can type in our podcast. So yeah, Chubbys, the short of the summer and the fall. Kyle, we're in a fantasy league together with Moog. Yeah.

Little Sass's league. I'm excited. It was interesting. Cause we're in there with Francis. And he was just afraid he's already freaking out in the DM and in the group chat He couldn't handle not like we laughed at him because he took Justin Tucker in like the ninth round No, it was like the sixth and he collapsed And he sent he took Justin Tucker in the sixth and the app goes And it never made that sound again, so I guess they do that for reaches and Francis like we were just like making fun of him. He said I

can't what did he say I Played sports. I don't fantasize about them Dude that is a that is a, that is a cope. That is a big cope. He dropped SAS's idea. He really wanted to like make a fantasy league and he has four tight ends. Quad tight end. He's the quad to each strat. Start one.

Francis is going to be a gold mine there. Oh, this is like, this is going to be the most fun I've ever had with Francis. Yeah, Francis drafted two running backs and one of them are on the IR. It's a two quarterback league and a second quarterbacks Drake May, who doesn't start. And then he was like, he's going to like, try to, he's going to attempt to like set a meeting with like someone in the, in the office. And he's going to get the league taken down. I just need him to lose and his lat like he text us

I've never heard of the guys I'm drafting and then like I looked at his most recent picks And it was the New York Jets defense and Deandre Hopkins Who the fuck is Jets it should be fun what else you got going on KB? It should be fun. What else you got going on KB? Nothing just being a fucking loser What do you mean? What nice? Oh speaking of that of what? All he said was nice. Yeah, well now I'm thinking of you being a loser. Okay. Thanks cool Well, it's why's Rudy loser take back. Because we caught him watching his own highlights yesterday

when we walked out of the studio, and he hit the minimize button really fucking fast, and you said, I was doing it for a joke, but then you came clean this morning, you were like, I was just watching him. No, I'm not, I applaud Rudy for his hockey accomplishments. You don't, you disgrace him. No, no, no, I think it's an awesome thing.

I remember we were out and you told him, you're closer to him in hockey skill than he is to an Olympian. It was the most wrong thing you've ever said. I think it's kind of, I think you're probably right in between, it's probably. Oh, now we're back. You're splitting, okay, fine.

I'm 1% closer to you than you are to them. Now you're doing math, because you know that's gonna put me in a. No, no, no, maybe I was wrong. Yeah, I'm 1% closer to you than they are then you are to them now You're doing math because you know that's gonna put me in no no no, maybe I was wrong Yeah, you were do you think you're closer to Sidney Crosby than I am to you. Yes. Yes Yes, I saw you play hockey. Are you closer to Kurt Angle than I am to you Kyle? Tremendously. Yeah, okay. I lost three to two to Jimmy Gullabong, in HSC English 2009. Oh, damn it. I remember I was 11, 10, 12 years old.

Can you get some footage of you playing wrestling? Don't say that, ever again. Yeah. It's combat. Can we see your most dominant win? I can pull up some old clips. Yeah? I was going on pyrrestling.com, Pennsylvania Youth,

and they had forums back in the early 2000s. And I was very, was it computer literate at the time? And I was starting threads on the forums, Kyle Bauer, question mark, question mark, question mark, and I would spell my last name wrong. I'd be like, just saw this kid, I was casually at the North Hills Open, just saw him dominate in the semis,

just wondering if anyone else has ever heard of this kid, and how do you end up doing in the finals? Didn't get to get didn't get to see you're doing propaganda just to see if people would uh you're testing Yeah, no, he goes to quest like he's tough. He's out of wheeling. Did you get that? No, what do people say? People didn't respond but you know, I was in the threads there were adults talking in forums about youth. Yes You don't understand how like dads is it still holding back their kids twice. They were like quitting their jobs to move their seven year olds, their eight year olds. They're making their 45 pounders cut weight for the.

But there are guys like talking. Are they talking shit in the forums? Yes, that's illness. That's mental. Yes, that's crazy. Was your dad in there? Crazy. I don't think got to form my dad. He was interested.

So like we had fun with it. Yeah, we were obsessed. But yeah, you go to the tournaments and like everyone was a chronic smoker. So like the it would be they would smoke five degrees. It was in cigarettes. OK.

All the kids were sick babies. That's why their palate is inclined toward gas stations. OK, thanks. There we go. Is really the dad's really is now strangling their son in like the frigid winters while smoking and the moms were just as bad. What a time. Do the hockey. Do you romanticize it? Yes.

Okay. Yes. The hockey moms are crazy too. Hockey moms? Yeah, like the parents in general are crazy. None ever got to the forums, but like in person, it was like, what do they call it, a viper den or whatever? It was just like, pit?

Pit, yeah, viper pit. It was fucking insane. They would like, one parent would volunteer to do the stats and then all the other parents would accuse that parent of juicing the stats for his kid Yeah, they're crazy. Yeah, but the forms is a whole different thing. Also, I think when you add in the combat sport aspect Yeah, it's already like a psycho. I am it's on the mind my dad when I played basketball I scored my first points the last game of the season That's what special yeah, and it was a buzzer beater. We were already winning basketball. I scored my first points the last game of the season. Kind of special. Yeah.

And it was a buzzer beater. We were already winning. But I it was like right before the time went out and I scored my buzzer beater. My dad stood up and broke like the bleacher, like when he stood up so fast and was excited. That's awesome. Yeah. St. Vincent's. Yeah. Was it contested? No. Was a foul shot. No. Was it time was running out?

Where were you on? We were up by like mid range. We were up by like probably 12 Joseph Nidert crushed. Um, cheese was good. Cheese was cheese. It was delicious. And yeah,

I was scored my first points of the year in the final seconds of the season That's probably a special moment Yeah, I was if you grew up in today's era, but then I've tried at the end of season awards our coach brought it up and Everybody laughed in the assembly hall in this parish hall. Mm-hmm That's and I was like this that wasn't I don't think that was meant to be funny, but I think it was at the time. What was funny about it was he was almost talking like like I was like fucking Tiny Tim from the Christmas story.

It was just like an even little Nick scored like this year. Everyone laughed. Everybody laughed. Because like I think he was like almost using it to like talk about how like he's even improved as a coach. Yeah. Nick scored. I got this guy this kid got a bucket But he like and he was just like he waited till like the literal last second You should be grateful you grew up in that year Not this year because if you played basketball in this year, you would be on a 4k

IMAX quality footage of some kid crossing you up I did get crossed up against Wheeling Catholic and fell and right in Ingram probably or no Bobby good. No, I'm too old to be against Bobby. But uh Yeah, I got crossed up and fell and I like a bunch of the kids like ran on the court and I was like Why I just fell I didn't get it dude, have you seen the the videos of like the young basketball kids now and they're like the Mixed like not the mixtape and the mixed, not the mixed tape, but the highlight tapes they make.

Yes. They're fucking insane. I know. That happened to me, I got crossed up. I would have been a viral, viral clip. My dad, it was my first game playing in the Vince Carter shocks and my dad took them from me after that. He took your shocks.

Yeah, I had to wear, yeah. You wouldn't even be playing basketball. And then I switched to Chuck Taylor's Like in today's era you would be you know making tik-tok compilation Thanks, man producing hyper pop like you would Pressure for you to yeah, like I think kids like there's other avenues now. The arts are more Normalized for my next-door neighbor growing up was Gene Amarante, who was a legendary Bel Air coach.

Of course he was. They won a ton under him. And I would train with him all summer to get two points in a season. Yeah, that was tough. I remember I was like working on my swing, my baseball swing fundamentals for two hours, and it just like didn't help.

No. Didn't help oh Well, what can you do? What can you do? Mookie what's going with you? You want to get into it yeah, okay? Yeah, if and Colton and Luke sorry if you didn't already know this but If you don't know I left the yak. Mm-hmm Friday was my last day

It was my decision. I made it with the help of the guys Best year of my life lots of ups and downs lots of really good times, but ultimately the bad times At least in my head like fucked me up pretty good yeah at certain points and really I don't know I think it was time to go I think it was a good run but it's time for me to like start doing my own thing a little bit get your own people yeah you know um I think the second it's supposed to be fun every day The second it's not that's when you have to be like okay

What do I need to do and it wasn't like a rash decision on your end no no I'm You should be excited because we're really really lucky to have this job, and I think The second you're not excited or the second you're dreading coming in something is amiss. Right. Yeah and that that definitely happened a few like sure kind of just stumbled into this smaller subsect of people who were going to hate you or express hate towards you regardless of what you did. Yeah I was stuck in a negative feedback loop. So now you can't, there's nothing you can do, there's a no-win situation, and you're forced

to be exposed to these people, and there's nothing you can do back to them, there's no winning. No, because even if you say something, do something, it's just like, gotcha. So I think, I know I'm excited for you because you're going to start having fun and using the job we have the way it's meant to be is like fun. And that'll show in your next endeavor if you want to talk about that. Yeah.

Coming out, if you're listening to this on Thursday, tonight at 10 p.m. central, I'm starting my new show, Moot Can't Sleep. The best time slot for you too. Yeah, because I'm just awake. I might as well be working when I'm awake, but I'll be doing late night streams. Starting on a Thursday, it's gonna be Mondays for sure, and then Thursdays as well, as long as I'm in town.

I'm pumped for it. I think even you doing it from like a hotel room on the road is fun. Exactly, I've been thinking about that too. The first episode, so it's gonna be a lot of like voicemails, live calls. You bought a burner phone. Bought a burner phone.

I went to Little Puerto Rico to pick that up from Boost Mobile. Little Puerto Rico? Yeah. Regular Puerto Rico isn't that big. How small is Little Puerto Rico? Like two blocks. Okay, fuck yeah. Lot of flags though, hungry flags. Little Puerto Rico isn't that big. How small is little Puerto Rico? Like two blocks. OK, fuck yeah. A lot of flags, though.

How do Puerto Rico? Yeah, they rep and then they do. They love that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, they. Yeah. Yeah. And then the activity for night one is I'm going to have chat. Build my hinge profile. Oh, that'll go. What do you mean by well?

I mean that it will be funny. They're gonna choose your photos your bio Are you gonna swipe with them a little bit so part one tonight will be photos bio prompts and Preferences and then I want to come back on Monday, and then we start swiping and evaluating the matches Yeah, and that'll be on its own YouTube. We could even cross-posts Yeah, and that'll be on its own YouTube. We could even cross post. Yeah, but like Anus, you guys like love MOOC and we do, and let's get this thing going.

Thank you, man. It's time for the supporters of you and Anus to really rally around MOOC. Yeah. And for good reason, he is a tremendous comedian and content creator. Yeah, that's his forte He's gonna start doing his thing with his own creative

Process and it's gonna be great and it's time to really and it's not something you got thrown into it is something you Are choosing to do? Yeah. Yeah, this has been pretty calc doubt Yes, I've had a lot of talks with big Cat throughout the past year just about how I'm doing whatever mentally. And I wouldn't trade this year for the world so I appreciate you guys. I appreciate everyone that's ever supported me but I think it's just time for me to start building my own thing and I'm excited about it. Yeah. You should be. Yeah you should be excited and like that's the thing like being excited to have a project that you love is Like the best feeling and the best part about this job. Yeah, I'm sure yeah, I'm pumped you win your own like monkey boy

Yeah, but come in oh Yeah, I know yeah, yeah, we'll get some yeah, I'm fine Son of men Oh, yeah, I know yeah, yeah, we'll get some yeah, I'm fine Son of men No that it was worth it. It was worth it all right But yeah guys check out moocan sleep Everywhere on social stream good name to you tonight if you're listening to this on Thursday, Thursday at 10 p.m. and I'll be back Monday at 10 p.m. as well. And maybe if you hate comedy but love a good dude

and you love morality, MOOC has been nothing but helpful and kind to me as a coworker and friend. Yes, yes. Yes never once Made me feel bad or upset Only good things to me and to the others around me yeah, I can second that you're a good dude He's the best of all of us um I like that as like a tat moot can't sleep a comedian But also good and has morals. I think that's a a ta- Moot Can't Sleep, a comedian but also good and has morals.

I think that's like a good tagline subtitle. I don't know if I want to go along with if you hate comedy watch this but I appreciate it. No, it's for people that love comedy and for people that fucking hate it too. It's gonna be chill. It's not gonna be Jerry After Dark, it's gonna be more just laid back for the night owls that can't sleep. Yeah, and I think the caller aspect is going to be really funny. Yup. Especially when they're asking you for advice, that's when you know it's bad.

Hey, I've given good advice on this show. I have. Yeah, so I think that'll just be a nice audience of your own guys, too. Yeah, I'm pumped. And I appreciate you guys, all of you. It's been a fun year, but it's time to time to build What what do you want to call the fans of this show? Sleepyheads the insomniacs. Well, that's cooler and sleepy. That's way cooler fuck someone mentioned kooks kooks

Like yeah, okay. I don't know kooks. We'll figure it out. I'm gonna I'm gonna call any negative chatters I'm gonna call my mods border patrol and we're gonna deport their all to port them. Yeah, dude Yeah, anybody who's mean to mook is non white That'll shut him up all right anything else boys I Didn't act my wage this weekend Anything else boys? I didn't act my wage this weekend Put 250 on BC and you know worked out in my favor What now I got a 1600 base to start week one

Golden bag chasing and we're golden bag chasing I will you afraid of what's gonna happen once you get the golden bag like when the dog catches the car Oh, it's it's over. Then I'm gonna go for a golden er bag But Yeah, I don't have any picks yet, but I'll start next week start giving some picks. Are you going to? Try to make them good picks or Funny titles funny tight all right cool cool cool certainly you'll get your golden bag that way Yeah, he doesn't win a lot of lazy. Yeah. Yeah, what do I got for Thursday you have Thursday I? Just bad like total win totals

Kansas City is playing the Ravens, okay Chinese dinner forecast likely and rice What's up? Yeah, but what's up? Yeah, come on in That makes no sense Watch your head. Yeah, wait leave. That makes no sense. Yeah, yeah. Come on in.

Watch your head. Wait, Paul, can you say hi to the camera? Oh, yeah. What's up, guys? How's it going? Yeah, I'm making a liberal steeler. You guys, and I'll take it from the back so you get both angles. Oh, that'd be perfect.

There you go. Yeah, take it from the back. All get both angles. All right. Yeah, I figure. Yeah, no, that'll go on. I felt him. He's hitting it just. I was not ready for that. Is it just fine?

Can we say with featuring him in the title? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, someone's going to be scrubbing their ass off, getting all the way to the end. It's a fucking ball scheme. Yeah. There we go. Did you get the behind angle? I got the behind. Yeah. Can you send that to me?

So I put that right down the group chat, please. Yeah. Yeah, can you send that to me? Yeah? He's tall as fuck. He's a big boy What what nothing do you think he saw the clip of Us or you guys riffing on livi done the thing about this podcast is nobody listen Yes, no no wait dumb question, but I don't don't bring that energy to your new show I think the thing is I will and then he was like oh Steelers page and I'll do that was it's like for liberals God fucking damn it. Is that what could do is that picked up? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's a page for like liberal fans Boy all right. Oh

No, wait, what what what were you saying Kyle? Likely rice is The Chinese. Kyle this is the worst fucking picture ever dude. You didn't even get it the same time. Oh, it's something to hold on to All right No, what was your Chinese? Just Isaiah likely or she rice both to score likely right? Maybe likely and rice twice and no flowers The Chinese dinner date likely rice no no flowers. Why he's not going to score straight to the point so you think if

you bring flowers on flowers to the Chinese dinner date you're going to score is that what you're saying no it's more like they wouldn't they would skip that like this is not one of those Chinese restaurants it's not a nice likely rice and I'm not gonna give you any flowers All right, yeah cool

Can you bet a player not to score? I think yeah, yeah, yeah all right, so would you parlay that likely rice no flowers flowers? All right fuck it. I'll do it. Yeah, I'm in I'm into it's gonna be a big payout All right anything else No, all right now support the boy. God bless sport move peace