A New Untold Story - Dune 2 Review - A New Untold Story: BONUS EPISODE

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

A Dune 2 review with no spoilers.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. I believe we're off the Lordy. We're about his promos are one in a million. What's up, y'all? So me and Austin Austin doing the boy. Yeah. Hey, it's awesome to see you at the theater.

Yeah. See the theater. I hope to see you there. theater yeah see you at the theater i hope to see you there yeah there's one where he just says something that makes no sense to what he's saying uh like timothy chalmers like doing a selfie video and he's like hey rebecca like appreciate you so much and he just goes yeah you absolutely killed it with this one yeah it's like what is who is rebecca what is the content we hope to see you at the theater austin what's the perfect record do you think it's got to be in rainbows radio head yeah all right oh no they were like what was your favorite childhood movie and he goes ah

the good the bad and the ugly yeah and then barry barry keoghan they asked who his celebrity crush was going up he was born the same year i was and And he's like, it's got to be Marilyn Monroe. And I'm like, what the fuck, dude? No, it doesn't. Liar, dude. You fucking liar. Like, Timothee Chalamet is like Monsters, Inc. Florence Pugh is like...

Timothee Chalamet is the man. His YouTube account, Modded Controller 360. Fire. Yeah, he's the man. Are we good to start? Yeah, can you give me a quick countdown? Five, four, three, two, one. yeah he's the man are we good to start yeah can you give me a quick count down 5 4 3 2 1 Butler's better looking

anyway I just don't know if he's as tall as Elordi nobody's as tall as Elordi no one's as tall as Elordi

not even Kareem of Dual Jabal no Elordi's the tallest guy in the world he's growing too sorry Nick one more time 3 2 1

5 KB 3 2 1 too. Sorry, Nick. One more time. 3, 2, 1, 5. 3, 2, 1. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Okay. Yeah, we're good with a clap, whatever. You want me to reject your reply to what I'm going to say? No, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told?

What? No, baby! That's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? What? No, baby! It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story bonus dune review dune 2 review uh we're big announcement we're not an alorty show anymore we're a butler show hell yeah we didn't talk this through what you're still alorty? What are you saying as far as what? We're an Austin Butler show

now. We used to idolize and want to fuck a Lordy. We all did and now it's Butler. Yeah. He's been doing this cool thing in interviews where he's wearing vintage black tees with thermals underneath. Yep. That is a cool thing. Multiple collars,

one thermal, cotton yeah like just a vintage fucking oh it's awesome dude so it's i've seen his promos for dune and he's stuck in the voice everyone makes fun of him for that but then he just in dune he took the other guys he took still in scars guards voice he's a voice nabber yeah all right i hope to see y'all in the theater and then and then he's just like every he's like he's just a combination of every scars guard in this movie but also psych this isn't a Dune review we're reviewing the hour

five minute Jennifer Lopez Amazon Prime movie this is me ellipses now what was what she called a metaphorical masterpiece it's the worst dog shit of all time. It's so bad and I can't believe this isn't getting criticized and made fun of in mass.

I don't know. I think only the gays know about it right now. I think she has a large crop of Latin American adjacent super fans. What's Latin American adjacent? American? Like Jennifer Lopez. Oh, like her. Not from...

Yeah, she's from... she didn't grow up in puerto rico which was like a traumatic did you see it no all right if it were called a lot of pimenta pause the musical it would be the greatest comedic movie of all time she said she it starts at she's working at a heart factory and no that doesn't make hearts it's just a big mechanical heart that's the representing her gigantic heart because she loves too much but if she feeds it petals she feeds it rose petals because like they're they're making rose petals under the heart it's fueled her heart is fueled by rose petals yeah and then she breaks out into a song but then the heart starts there's a pedal shortage yeah because all the workers start dancing no they do that to

combat the shortage they're like yeah right there mook there's there she is at the heart factory there's the pedal capacity yeah so the heart oh yeah ben affleck is rex stone and jennifer lopez's character name is just artist she clearly uh she's in charge of the pedal levels critical there's only yeah well then dancing and then wait let's go back to that that's how they're trying to fix the pedal fact the heart but like i'm not just calling it the heart factory she calls it in the movie like the heart factory heart factory but what the fuck is there right there? There's a sign that says Heart Factory. Dude, that sounds like a weekend album.

Yeah. His next album might be called Heart Factory. Look at that move. And they're doing that to try to repair the heart. Spoiler alert, when they fix the heart, it starts producing petals, right? That's what I got from it. So you're feeding it petals to produce petals. I lost the plot it's immediately clear

that she wrote this whole movie for her to be like the sexy star yes she's wet a lot she's always wet she thinks that's that used to be in she's always wearing ropes a lot of ropes there's that domestic abuse scene

It's not going to make light of domestic abuse I thought it was sci-fi It seems like sci-fi There's the pedals But it's not a musical They play the song and it's like a music video And she's like for real though I got hella haters

Hearts and flowers Hearts and flowers Call me crazy but the music kind of bangs You're crazy It's pretty boring The worst thing that ever happened to Jennifer Lopez Look there she is getting dirty but not Everybody else is so much filthier in the mud And she's not

She's clearly still trying to maintain her sexiness 54 i had to google it but this is them trying to fix the fucking heart factory that's the tear duct the tear duct valve just broke but it's the most this has this cost her out of her own pocket she paid for this 20 million dollars project yeah 20 million dollars and she also put out a documentary about this movie the making of this movie also on amazon and she like as a fuck you to like everybody that wasn't in it she has a scene in the documentary of all the celebrities trying to call them and then like denying being in the movie and she's like come on it's like i try to expose yeah she's trying to expose them but now it's just like obviously they weren't in this shit but the celebrities

that said yes is the strangest hodgepodge of people and they're the zodiac so all right after this dream sequence she's getting therapy from fat joe yeah who can't read he was like reading his script live yes he's like there he. So what did you think the dreams meant? But also, Fat Joe just wears glasses, doesn't he? But he can't pull them off here. Something's just off. And then he's mumbling through words.

I think so. I had never felt anything like that before. Honestly, I'm going to die. These dreams, though. Hearts, flowers, hummingbirds, zodiac fantasies. You're such a Taurus. All right.

Bob, that's the gist of the movie. It's like a BuzzFeed listicle. You're such a Taurus. And it turns into an astrology sign movie. And there has to be what i would think is the funniest domestic abuse scene of all time it's her in that glass house yeah and she she has no flaws in this movie and there's her guy writes herself to have no flaws other than loving too much so this guy gets mad at her go go to the beginning because she's like hey our star signs are a perfect fit. Yeah, you're a bit of a perfectionist. And he's like, what?

He spits out his liquor and punches the glass. Signs say we're a match. That's you. Libra. And? And? Your meticulousness keeps me focused.

Being nice. I'm meticulousness keeps me focused. Being nice. I'm meticulous. Oh my god. And he gets pissed. No, you... And he's covered in ropes. ... Yeah, why are they wearing ropes?

I am. Why are they all wearing ropes? He's so fucking pissed that she complimented him. He's just because you like everything perfect. Spits it out. Perfect? Perfect? I'm perfect? Fuck you, bitch, I'm perfect? She complimented him. He's going to spit it out. Perfect? Perfect?

I'm perfect? Fuck you, bitch. I'm perfect? This is perfect? Am I perfect now? What's the immediate transition to song? Why do you always make me do this? So, like, he reveals that she's covered in ropes there's her ropes now she's up if we gonna play

house and i oh yeah so the fall fight and he like he reels her in at one point yes with the ropes yeah and then she comes to help him she's made herself so flawless in this movie and so like yeah she probably thinks in her head that like the guy was mad at her because she said he was too perfect i don't know this is the most delusional shit ever this is kind of cool though just a good rope choreographer she also has roommates who are like pulling their spouses with ropes yes she has she has she has bound roommates he just smacks her in the face. Yeah, that one where he reels her in and just tees her up. Ay, ay, ay, you're such a Libra. You have dementia.

You're a senior citizen. You genuinely... What if she does? She might, dude. And she turns... But like... Yeah, tell me I She might, dude. And she turns... But like... Yeah, tell me I'm pretty, fool. She thinks she's a cholo.

She has dementia. She thinks she's Mexican. Right here. Wow! Yeah, he reels her back in. And then does like a WWE stroke. And then he like wraps her... Like...

Go back to him getting pissed, please you say i'm ridiculous you said i'm ridiculous perfect oh hell no i stay disorganized what did you say to me the reveal too that he's wearing ropes i thought he was like cooking yeah it looks like an apron an apron yeah and then it's a compliment it just means that you like everything perfect. Perfect? Is this perfect? I'll prove you wrong, bitch. Huh?

Damn. We don't have to fight. Why do you always make me do this? And then she just sings at him. Horrible, man. This is horrible. I thought this was like a documentary. She put out a documentary on the making of this.

Jesus. So then it goes to a intergalactic town hall, zodiacal council. That's watching over her. There they are. Post Malone is in it. Post Malone is the Leo. But he's horny.

There's a reveal that will shock you even more. That's Jane Fonda, Trevor Noah, Kim Petras, Kiki Palmer. What the hell? We're not a bad boy. That's Kiki Palmer's role hell with her and all the bad boys Kiki Palmer's role Sofia Vergara

There's one that will Fucking boggle you Why does she always need to be with somebody She's still searching She needs some stability after All that emotional whiplash It's a damn shame Makes me super sad

I just want to give her a big hug yeah they made him very horny and they made Kiki Palmer very urban there what the fuck that I read his books

that takes everything away yeah he was always a fraud though he always had that theater kid his books. That takes everything away. He was always a fraud, though. How? He always had that theater kid. He's like the Dr. Phil of astronomy. Speaking of Dr. Phil, I was thinking Fat Joe may have claim

to the succession title. Of Dr. Phil? If he has a script. These are all her weddings. What do you mean all her weddings? The groom changes midway through. It's a biography. These are all her weddings. What do you mean all her weddings? She has three. The groom changes midway through talking. So it's a biography.

Clearly an ode to her past. Black rat tail. Yes. There's a black rat tail. Yes, that's rare. Very rare. Anonymous black husband three. Yes, he has a rat tail, which I didn't know you could do in the community. And she gets diagnosed

with love addiction. Oh, yeah. But, oh, wait, go to that. He has to go to Lovers Anonymous. Lovers Anonymous, where she just stands up and is like... Well, they kind of retcon that, because initially they say that she's a sex addict, and then she... They did say that

once. And then she just decides it's a love addict. There it is. Wait, go back, though. Go before it. Because I want to see her get prescribed. Oh, is it by the council? No, it's by her therapist. It's an intervention. But he also like.

Yeah, it's the most nonchalant writing. I believe on a note ever. I believe good things happen if you're a good person. I believe in soulmates and signs. She thought she was doing something here. And hummingbirds. I believe that love never dies and that forever and signs. She thought she was doing something here. And hummingbirds. I believe that love never dies and that forever is real and that as long as I can...

Time's up. Let's pick this back up next week. Wifey's calling us. Hey, what's up, mama? I'm with a patient. Her endangered species shirt. Whoop. He didn't even touch the pen to the paper. her endangered species shirt whoop he didn't even touch the pen to the paper

he couldn't do that love addicts anonymous we've been doing this for years how long are you gonna keep banging your head up against the wall we've been doing this for years let's go fluffy cute dog and there's her fucking house

she's really struggling but she oh my god but then she goes to love addicts anonymous and starts dancing there but the dance in the love addicts anonymous hold on there's one frame right before this this was like the zombies and we are legend what do you think stood out to me of a piece of acting go to 28 30 okay it's an incredible input by this actress. And really rectify the wrongs and take a break out of these delusions and to rise up into the sky

and as my friend Maya Angelou would say That's it. When you know It's just Sofia Vergara feeling her tits. I like that. I like that. Typical cancer. It just has nothing to do with anything other than Sofia Vergara being like, how can I add to this? They just added one one old indian man yeah some bollywood star okay what's his name sanjuru or something okay he crushes sanjuru crushes but the dance scenes here are

like when they get infected in we are legend or i am legend yes hi oh fast for a tiny bit i don't want to have to go through. Wait, Dota 3037. She makes a joke and really feels herself for it. So here I am. Ten years and three divorces later. My therapist fired me. So now it's just me and Fluffy.

Just scans the room and looking at her lip bite the real subtle therapist fired me so now it's just me and fluffy you know i used to think that it was everybody else uh-oh that was broken but now i think That was broken. But now I think. Say it. Maybe it's just me. This is so stupid. Now, these dances are insane in the chair.

And boys, I don't want us to learn them. I would learn this. There's the varsity jacket guy. Fast forward a little bit. Because they still got to feel the power of her words. There. Just tweaking. Kyle can you do that right now?

It's not an easy move by any means. 54. It's like, that's like Naruto. That's, they're doing, I haven't watched Naruto, but they do that for their. I thought they were doing sign language at first. Shit, it might be. They're fucking it up. That part right there is like her best vocal range.

And she can go back a little bit. She knows she crushes when she gets up on the chair. That's like as good. Has she ever been a good singer? I don't know anything about her. I don't know. You like the music, Mook? It's just so boring. It's fine.

Really, really boring. It's just like good. It's like perfect 90s music. Like super surface level. Like NSYNC, Backstreet Boys. Really really boring. It's just like good. It's like perfect 90s music like Super surface level like in sync Backstreet Boys Yeah, I think it's called jutsu is that what they do in Naruto jutsu? Yeah Can you can you show us a ninja doing jutsu doing Naruto jutsu and oh boy? And just go to a video well that's

I think mook flubbed it's not a dance I don't think it's a dance dude just go to Naruto wait whoa is that a puzzle as a fucking captcha good work mookie buddy wow first try

no that's break dancing and that's not Naruto that's real life I don't care anymore I don't care every single jutsu yes these are the dances they're doing which this is sick that guy's so many swords i don't think we're gonna miss it doesn't matter doesn't matter at all actually maybe i just want to see some yeah it's pretty cool isn't it that is pretty tight it's the same shit

and then i don't i like had to fast forward through the ends of a lot of songs i just couldn't do it oh then she gets with her younger self yeah fast forward more she's like in her old apartment with her younger self wet oh yeah she gets wet or she's in the gown. Yeah. It's raining outside and she's soaking wet. And she's burning love letters. The final moral of the story is that she

loves everyone too much but she didn't love herself enough. Yes. And that's it. That's the masterpiece and that's what took her years to figure out. She has the biggest heart in the world. And then the heart factory at the end Yeah. Starts making petals again.

Which makes no fucking sense. That's a weird sight. It's a petals in, petals out. Why are you burning petals to make petals? It's the most efficient energy system. But then they ran out of petals. How?

The tear ducts broke? You're going to have to ask Jennifer, dude. I don't have these answers. There it is. But then the heart shoots up to the Zodiac. It's almost impossible to explain. Yeah, she has never had a conversation with a person who has like a real job she's never been told she's never read a book no this is she's never been on a website

she's just so that's what this what happens when you're surrounded by yes men well you are correct kyle because in one of the therapy scenes where she's coming to fat joe's like oh it's raining outside you want to give me a ride and her her realization of being down to earth is she goes no i'm gonna take the bus that was her i'm gonna take the bus well she says like she's traumatized and anxious for not having grown up in puerto rico but instead in america but people don't take her seriously as as a puerto rican as a latina but she's from the bronx yeah that might as well be there's a lot of puerto ricans yeah i think that just counts oh yeah here's her walking in the rain people tell stories of their encounters with her yeah her with her driver she doesn't let her drivers look at her

even like the through the mirror the rearview mirror yeah they can't talk to her they can't um let her luggage touch the ground and someone said she went to she was at a casino like mgm with ben and he like tipped all the service employees like pretty like a good amount and she went up to them individually took the money away and just gave them five dollars really that cannot be real i don't believe that also yeah ben needs to get back with jennifer garner man i know but who has j-lo been with a rod a rod his take on p diddy she was married to p diddy or dated him for a long time. Drake. Yeah. A little Mark Anthony.

Yeah. Has two kids with Mark Anthony. P. Diddy. P. Diddy. That's a tough photo right now. Yeah. He's just like, he's just like went from like the cool Sir Rock rapper. Now he's just like a vicious pedophile. Yeah.

Blackmail pedophile vicious yeah we know his gender and race he like took a pedophilia to a new level of bad uh how do you take it to how do you crank that up well um i haven't been following it at all but no like her meek mill is not gay though no no no he loves juicy pussy juicy pussy um he runs red lights for it i didn't even want to do this review i just needed to get in the podcast studio with you kyle you know why oh no what i have carnival photos you have carn oh it was dog shit no carnival sucks dick buddy that wasn't even the carnival i have i have 50 of these that's a yard sale carnival that's your carnival that's a

that's a garage sale you're getting rid of trash look at that that's your carnival buddy what i have tents and rides in my in my head that just a table of... That's your car. Look, zoom in on the bottles. Oh, that was just one of the stages. I have all the stages, buddy. Oh, fuck. I know you were afraid. Look at this.

You have Star Wars. That's the prize table. Okay. That makes a lot of... Yeah, that's a healthy prize table. That's a good prize. Star Wars Battleship? Star Wars games, Globes.

Star Wars Battleship. Yeah, you have a globe down there. Different boxed toys of many varieties. That looks like a Yeah, you have a globe down there. Different boxed toys of many varieties. That looks like a blast. A good prize table. Yeah, that's a standard accuracy game. You'd get it at any carnival.

Plastic bottles. See, now I look at everything in the context of This Is Me Now, and now I'm picturing you remembering this carnival. What game is that, dude? Jennifer Lopez. That looks no fun. That's the equivalent of a dunk tank. That's throwing a squishy ball at a boy's face. It's more satisfying than a dunk tank.

His face is through the... You're so close. Is that you throwing? There's a boy there. I didn't see the boy. With goggles on. That's your dunk tank. That's my ass, but not my calves.

I don't think that's me. That looks like... That's a little bit close. my calves. I don't think that's me. That's a little bit close. It's hard to miss. I remember that was the fan favorite, though. Of course. That looks like a West Virginia guillotine. Hit the boy in the face. Hold on.

That's also the prize table. The crowd accumulates coming from all different directions. There's the carnival, man. Do you think people drove by and they were like, oh, the carnival must be in town. People did drive by. There was traffic at one point what is this what is what game is that kyle what yeah that's an utz cheese ball bin oh let's throw the cheese ball in the cheese ball bin another fan favorite that and Shelton okay again that's the fan favorite how is it leaving his

hand behind his hand yeah there was more more you could smack him it was a squish ball what that's same photo there's the other angle it was a squish ball what that's same photo

there's the other angle that you're really caught oh the dart balloon board in the back on my fucking tree all right maybe it was it maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought yeah what's in the turtle

there was the rubber ducks I think with very like there was a blue turtle it was a prize and you you know you got to fish for it this looks like found footage from a horror movie what if i'm in one of these just not invited across the street i don't know this is probably the fucking biggest most popular uh front yard carnival in the world on that day. By mini golf? Oh, yeah. These are all things that would be at a real carnival. They just look more makeshift because it's in my front yard.

There's not enough you in these photos. Were you working it or competing? I working it what game was this oh this is a carnival a full-fledged carnival fully produced fully ran by seven-year-olds it looks so that's like the best like second grade run carnival i've ever seen yeah guys submit your second grade run car usually this is just stays in a in like a six-year-old's head yeah i know i'm sorry i made this into real life oh did you think that it was i mean i man your head was it more grand every like second third grader is like oh they fantasize about having their own carnival in their front yard and you went and that's just so unplausible and i just manifested

it into real life with the team of local seven uh seven-year-olds were these all the neighborhoods seven-year-olds another game what game is that that's the can you zoom in on that the ball they're all kind of the same theme oh boy it's a great car would you go to this carnival now that's not the ball toss. That's again. You had two games. No, I don't know. He had putt putt.

How many holes? What do you mean? How many holes? It wasn't a course. It's like a carnival game. It was like flash games. You had mini golf, cheeseball, accuracy game, hit the kid in the face darts balloons balloon a lot of accuracy based games what's the kiddie pool for is that that's ducks it's for is there

a sign on there expedite the prizes in some manner and were you having fun or were you strictly i was stressed out of my fucking mind i almost had a kidney stone i was so stressed i remember i was trying to get everyone at their stations. You know, if you signed up to work this station, you have to work at the full time. You can't take breaks because we have a lot of clients, a lot of customers. And I was just like, yeah, I was...

Were you being an asshole? I was being a huge cunt. Like, if you signed up to work your station, you can't just, like, go play the fucking darts game. Let's see in on the prizes what was the number one prize people were trying to get i think the the mace windu cardboard cut out um with a balloon in his mouth to make it look like he was blowing a bubble with a bubble gum was that homemade it was homemade i didn't know you were a star wars kid oh big time what

i would watch the trilogy like front to front to back, back to front. Why were you hiding that forever? On a daily basis. I don't remember it. I like the aesthetics. Here, can you zoom in more on the prizes? Let's see what else we got there. Galactic Battle.

I can't even tell. Fun Dip. There's a big Fun Dip box. Probably some gum. My uncle was a Wrigley's entrepreneur. And then my dad would always... Oh my God, this wasn't our best festival. What was your best festival?

The Pumpkin Festival. My dad somehow scored the biggest pumpkin from the Barnesville Pumpkin Festival, which is the biggest pumpkin festival in the United States. So you had the biggest pumpkin in the United States? Yeah, and everyone would come. How did your dad score the big pumpkin? It was a local attraction. How would one always score the pumpkin?

Three specs catered it. And so he got to keep the big pumpkin? I got the biggest pumpkin. So what did you do? Everyone would come in and take pictures with it. It was in your front yard? Random people, not even from our neighborhood, would come drive by, do a photo shoot.

They would sit on the pumpkin. Were you proud of it? Do I have the pumpkin? you like proud of it do i have the pumpkin yeah but how did your dad end up getting it did nobody else want it oh he always finagles like different things like that like what else different things like that like he got the mace windu cardboard cutout i don't know oh i thought that was homemade hi Aye yai yai, Libras. Mook, how was Miami?

Miami was awesome. So night one you texted us this sucks. This town sucks. When I got out of the airport I had spent eight hours in D.C. because I missed my connecting flight and I got off the airport and just saw the type of people i got off the airport and like just saw the

type of people that were coming into miami and i just i wanted to hate it and i did hate it for the first couple hours and then we went out and god damn i want to go back really yeah i think i'd hate it yeah you would i it would i could have hated it but everything we did like we stayed at a really nice place we went to really nice dinners any fist fights? no fist fights we did have a tank though you had a tank? we had a tank

the bachelor's college buddy was a fucking tank so it felt good we had a guy with us Kyle you count as a tank or are you a late in life tank so you didn't really grow up tank and you don't really yeah I have tiny brain like I you know I've been tiny for so long oh and you can't be a five seven tank tank is height height weight size not just

strength and muscles i think my tank was like six two 240 tank yeah it's a tank that's good tank and did you uh did you flirt? I flirted. I told every Cuban stripper that I loved her. And that I wanted to bring her back on the plane to Chicago with me and start a new life. Give her a better life, which would be significantly worse. She's in Miami. Did you flirt with any civilians? Yeah.

No. Zero civilian flirts. I had no chance i had no fight fighters chance of pulling an actual civilian in miami i did you posted a picture of your friend with what looked like um like bartenders or something beautiful girls and then you're in the back like you're lee harvey oswald completely covered completely covered in wait let me see it. Did you tweet it?

The only piece of skin showing is forehead and his mouth. Hold on. Yeah, so we were at the day club and I had to cover up, dude. I mean, the sun was bad. You're not burnt at all, though. You did a good job. I think I came back whiter somehow.

So yeah, here's the... brought out like a bottle like a sign for the bachelor oh and then you just see me in the background so how does this take place do you have to right there are these girls hanging with you guys uh no or you had to ask employees like hey can i get a picture with you no it was like they knew like it was known that he was like the bachelor for the weekend oh he's the bachelor yeah it's my boy jake one of my best jake's got goofy face man he's riddled with it yeah he's Look at that. I have another one too. But like Mook, let's zoom in on you buddy.

You're not even... Alright, grow up. It's a little side scroll. Oh, here he does where he makes the rectangles. There we go. That's a Scorpio right there. That's the last thing you want. Is that a vagina tattoo to? that's a scorpio right there that's the last thing you want like is that a vagina tattoo to the right?

probably oh yeah you don't you don't want to be reminded of stinging whenever you think of that area that second one is orbiting much closer to the sun Luke what are you looking at? I'm just on my phone having a ball in the shade

are you wearing the turtle cake shirt? yes did you wear just free merch down there? yeah I wore free merch your buddy's tanning with a watch on yeah that's david yeah is that a david move that's david david will do it you call him dave will do it no all right zoom off those poor women who aren't objectifying them that

oh my god that guy behind you is taken at 6 a.m. This is 11, right? Yeah. The guy to your left, you know him? That's Dylan. I've never seen a hornier face. I've never seen any, but I think he's thrusting in that picture. And guess what?

He's dead sober. No. Oh, then he should be arrested. He's not even desensitized. That's a heroine. He's ready to come. There's no photos of you looking at women. Oh, there are.

Oh, yeah? Is that me on the right? What? Shut up. You wish. Did you like Eleven, Mook? I loved Eleven. It's a strip club, right?

Yeah, I'm having flashback moments right now of just ass. So is that what is that what's fun about it you're you're raging but there's no like civilians like to give yourself the like basically illusion of chance we went in a couple of the single guys were like hey we're gonna try to find like real girls as soon as we got in there was zero chance of that happening it's just all horny dudes and then like 300 strippers coming at you in waves. It's an onslaught. Like Nazis.

They're coming right away. I won't ever step foot. I can't do it. I'd freak out. We got to the table at midnight. Within five minutes, we're surrounded by just whores. When I went there, we were there for the Super Bowl. I was like Heisman-ing the strippers away.

They're relentless damn I'm so sorry well but dude like they're all like probably like just got shipped here like an Amazon package from Dubai like there's no shot I could afford legitimately yes but is there ever like even like a subconscious suspense of belief where you think

like oh this is like girls who want me it's like make a wish it's like eventually you get over the fact that they're strippers and you're just like this is like girls who want me it's like it's like make a wish it's like eventually you you get over the fact that they're strippers and you're just like this is heaven like these girls love me so yeah and yeah yeah i can never get there i can't suspend belief like that i got there and did you fall in love with any strippers oh yeah which one uh this girl named pocahontas she she called me her john lock or john smith that's lost she said john lock's a philosopher she said john lock i was like that doesn't sound right

she goes by pocahontas and like doesn't even know the exactly the first thing about her yeah well here's the thing is like they're all that turn you off kyle yeah if you don't would that turn you yeah that's disgusting like you're like you have to know like you have to know somewhat i don't know you gotta know about pocahontas if you go by pocahontas they they're all like so rudy was right they're all like shipped over here like not knowing any english and on the way over they learned like three sentences and the sentences are what's your name where are you from do you want to dance and it's just like rapid fire how much money did you spend on pocahontas is how much for her time uh uh pocahontas was my my big spend

of the night what are you buying dances dances and like like basically can mini gains high fives in-app fees pretty much yeah micro transactions um you basically like spend money for them to hang out with you like at the table you're just like throw in like to stick around and this is just you handing them cash oh yeah and what is like what is verbalized so in the beginning it's what's your name where you're from whatever and then it's like them getting in your ear like come on poppy like you want to dance poppy like did that do it for you they're touching you and they're like i had strippers like going into my pockets trying to grab money for the entire that's you just went and got robbed essentially yes and i learned a lesson

pretty fast um within the first hour we're all pretty fucked up as soon as we get there but within the first hour like a girl comes over she she spits her game to me she does a little twirl she's working she spits her game to me she does a little twirl and i have like ones i pulled out like 100 ones too just to like have i i throw one at her a one i throw one at her she picks it up off the ground and goes one dollar oh i throw two more at her she goes three dollars and she turns to my friend and goes your friend's poor uh so i i gave her two more ones i gave her five dollars and that was like a lesson like you can't you have to give them more than five bucks. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. She was like very upset with me that I only tipped her five. Did you feel bad? No, because I, she didn't do anything. Like it was like,

what do you want? But again, she's not giving you a lap dance. Yeah. She, no, no lap dance. Like is she naked?

Uh, basically. So no, like everything. so she's just a there's a crew of 20 dudes or is it broken up by this point we we did like 15 at the table we had a table at a table and is there 15 women it's like a hundred like but not at the table and you guys have a bottle service at the yeah we had bottle service at any given point of the night there was like at least five girls at the table are you like are now there's music playing are you guys are you dancing getting into the music

like throwing up this eventually yes eventually we're doing the whole the whole thing yeah did you see any cool uh actual performances because they have this like stage in the middle where people will do. Sway Lee. Oh, I was talking about those people that do the crazy rope swinging from the ceiling. That part actually is somewhat impressive at 11. They have legit performers breathing fire and shit. But Sway Lee?

Yeah, Sway Lee came on at 3 in the morning. From Ray Shremard? Yes, Black Beatles. You mannequin challenged. You definitely did. You mannequin challenged. You would have to. Did he play Black Beatles? Yeah, he played Black Beatles. You mannequin challenged. You definitely did. You mannequin challenged. You would have to. Did he play Black Beatles? Yeah, he played Black Beatles. Did you mannequin challenge

at 11? I would be so pissed if everyone didn't join in. It was fun. Was it just your table or did the whole club take part? The whole club. Wrong. No way. Liar. The whole club did. Everyone froze mid lap dance just to do the Madigan challenge.

Dude, that's a good way to like if the lap dance is ending, then you put on Black Beatles. Stay right here. I'm glad you had fun, Mook. I had a blast. I had a ball. We did move Perth for you. So I have a... I got a flight credit

that we have to spend this week. Okay. And we will get you back there. I think as punishment... Yeah. For making us move it. For making us change the dates. I think we're going to have to send you

when it's hot. We're going to have to send you in summer. Yeah. Well, it is summer. Is it summer there? Our winter. We're going to have to send you in summer. Yeah. Wait, well, it is summer. Is it summer there? Our winter. It's about to be ending. Well, shit. Should we send them this weekend? It's probably super hot right now.

Should we send them right now, Kyle? Send them right now? Right now. I wouldn't be opposed. I wouldn't be opposed to sending you right now. Open up your email, Mook. No. You've got to opposed to sending you right now. Open up your email, Mook. No. You've got to get there pretty soon. No. No, you're kidding.

Yeah, I'm fucking with you. Very bad PTSD. Open up your airdrop. Yeah. But no, we have the flight credit. So you are going. You have to go. I do.

I want to go. I thank you guys for allowing You have to go. I do. I want to go. I thank you guys for allowing me not to go this week. Did you refund the holiday in or was that just a negligible kind of? No, but I wouldn't. When I have the dates, I will. Are we set on dates? No.

No. So let's we'll pick those out off air and then we will reschedule. We'll make a graphic about your MOOC trip rescheduling yeah cool cool all right thanks for joining us on the uh bonus everybody watch uh go watch dune 2 instead yeah