A New Untold Story - Justin Congrego and The Lost Tapes - A New Untold Story: Ep. 317

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Vegan burgers, role play streaming, Doug Wanoy Twitter suspension, Pokemon shoes, KB's Snyder Cut...this episode has it all. Ads: Gametime Download the Gametime app at https://barstool.link/GametimeApp and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Hellofresh Go to https://barstool.link/HelloFreshSTORY and use code story65 for 65% off + free shipping SoCo Learn more at https://barstool.link/SouthernComfortBSS Ridge Wallet Go to https://barstool.link/RidgeBSS and use the code UNTOLD for 10% off your orderYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. I knew I told a story. It's a fresh, big, untold story. I knew I told a story. That was the worst clap. That was like a bad clap That was like a bad clap. That was a bad clap. Do I have to do it again?

Yes. Really? Of course. What's wrong with you? I lost my ability to clap. Kyle. That'll work. That was decent.

A new untold story. Episode. Episode. Episode number 317. 317 Cedar Rapids, Iowa in the Waterloo area. Okay. So I got some stuff on them. What do you have on Cedar Rapids?

We'll see. Okay. Yeah. Today's episode is brought to you by who else? Game time. Did you say Google? That's a good good good yeah anus is presented by google um we should try to get them we should um yeah but game time it's the app game it's created by fans for fans and uh it's weird i am not only a fan of the tickets of the teams that i'm buying i'm not a fan of the teams i'm a fan of game time i'm now a fan of them yeah right i root for them yes so i you know are they public once they go public i'm gonna be rooting for them

on in the market um but yeah you guys can use game time just like us. I need to slow down my speaking just like just like the pros and get a ticket to go see Les Mis. Go see what was the Hugh Jackman one man show called? You would know 10 10 leagues before I would know that the Hugh Jackman one man show. I forget the name. No, I don't can tell you one thing that he was in. You don't know. The Hugh Jackman one-man show. I forget the name. I don't even know. I can't tell you one thing that he was in. You can't name one thing Hugh Jackman? I know the name.

I know the name. I'm not the type of guy that watches a movie and identifies that's Hugh Jackman. It's Hugh Jackman. I don't know. Wolverine. Yes. That's the easiest thing ever. Okay.

I don't know any other. If I name an actor, you won't. Ashton Kutcher. Ashton Kutcher. Dude, where's my car? ever. Okay, I don't know any of them. If I name an actor, you won't. Ashton Kutcher. Ashton Kutcher. Dude, Where's My Car. Okay. Sean William Scott. Don't know who that is.

I don't know what field he's in. Could he be a pianist? A scientist? You posed the question as if he was an actor. Yeah, what is he in? Dude, Where's My Car. Okay. It's Jesse and Chester.

Okay. David Schwartzman. David Schwartzman probably every wes anderson movie okay is he uh i think i think that's jason schwartzman yeah uh but yeah game time we love him to death that was still the ad sales team keep sending me like your pictures of the tickets and experiences you've had using GameTime. Right. Using the code UNTOLD when you make a new account, top right corner.

The three lines in the top right corner in the design community, that's called a hamburger. It's in web design and mobile first design. We have tons of fans using it. That icon's called a hamburger. They're hitting us on social media. $20 off code UNTOLD. Download GameTime last minute tickets. Lowest price

guaranteed. It's almost too easy to use, which seems impossible. At the end of the ad, where was that when we were talking Schwarzman? You were sitting on that amazing tagline. Let me have to click more buttons. Let me have more fun on the website. Let me click around more.

You made us talk about Schwarzman. Phantom Planet. Californiaia is that them here we come no wait coconut records who's that guy in the fly tie dye and the vintage tea that's kyle well who's that kyle it's me no but like who is that who's the artist what do you mean he's on my screen not in front of me that's like, who is that? Who's the artist? What do you mean? He's on my screen, not in front of me. That's Kyle. What is that? It's from me. So hold on.

I actually. Oh, Kyle, I got to show you my screensaver. That's the news jokes. Gotcha. You thought it was the pipes from Windows 98. Windows XP pipes. It was the pipes. Yeah.

That was the hardest charades game i ever had to do i was playing charades with my family and they take it very seriously and the clue i got was i do charade out windows xp pipe screensaver what what what were you what type of what type of players are you that's the elite difficulty? It was the highest of levels. It was legendary difficulty. Did you just wiggle your arms around? I stood motionless for the first 20 seconds. Oh, that's good. Depict a computer first, and they can probably figure that out pretty easily.

How would you do that? Use a mouse. That doesn't look like a computer. That's not how you use a mouse. That's better. Why would you go mouse first? Mouse. I'm doing keyboard and mouse. Oh, like a gamer. So now they got computer. I'm playing Counter- mouse first mouse i'm doing i'm doing keyboard and mouse oh like a

gamer so then now they got computer then i'm playing counter-strike doing this and i'm gonna wait till they say screen then i'm gonna act like i'm doing cpr on myself they're gonna say you're being saved plus plus screen save yes yes yes then i'll do the pipes i would do mario going down one or luigi it was hard but they have to say windows pipes screensaver sure yeah yeah you'd get there i'm sure you went a different route uh yeah what was the first like online game you guys ever played like like the first like did you ever play runescape i never did i never got into runesScape. Neopets. Kitten Cannon.

That wasn't like an online multiplayer. Kitten Cannon, you just clicked one button. That was like playing a Microsoft type screensaver. Okay. The screensaver where you have to get the thing to hit the dot or the logo to hit the corner.

What do you mean you have to get it? You hit the dot or the logo to hit the corner. What do you mean you have to get it? You have to be looking at the screen while it happens and you get bored easily. You look away. I have a little LCD screen hanging up in my apartment and it's just the DVD screensaver going constantly. A blast. It's sick. That's pretty cool. Yeah, it's great.

Let's get into the news. Let's do it. I have four news jokes. They're not good. A lot of our joke writing time is now going to planet football. It's we've improved it from the first episode. That was a, a pilot where, you know, it was a lot of big T as a C3PO Lego. Um, but now we have them a full costume and it's shorter. Now the first one was nine minutes.

I think this one's going to be about four. Right. Strictly jokes cleaned up and they're all dumb. But yeah, as I love writing jokes and I love doing the news and so that wasn't sarcasm either so i'm going to get into it if i may um let's get into some catholicism we're all confirmed are we all confirmed in the catholic church yeah i have been confirmed yes no shit look at us a catholic show i guess i could have guessed looking at all of us. No, apparently I have a new doppelganger.

What? It is like the depiction medical journals use to show a boy with fetal alcohol syndrome. Yeah, it looks just like you. Shockingly. Yeah. Have you guys seen it? And the worst part is it's backfired. Everyone, that guy looks, he's a good looking boy.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a good looking boy? He's a good looking boy. He's the face of fetal. He's the literal face. He looks like, they're saying he looks like the guy from 21 Pilots who arguably gets more. That's a good looking boy?

He looks like someone who would be like someone who would you guys see that that's that's the new chart in the medical books for fetal alcohol syndrome there we go it does that's me yeah it does look like you when you shave you have a like a larger it's not that you have a large uh upper lip area like a fleshy area i think it just doesn't move very well. It's almost in a permanent paralysis. Okay. I'll start paying attention to that.

I'll start hyper-focusing on that. It doesn't move. Yeah. It doesn't move. The bottom of your face is like... It's in the family. It's some sort of palsy. Yeah, yeah.

Awesome. Speaking of in the family, Doug Winoi. Doug Winoi is suspended. He was suspended from Twitter. He was charged with manipulating the election. Yes. Interfering and manipulating the election. In which he was.

Yeah, in which he was maybe successfully. So Doug Winoi suspended from Twitter. He tried to plan an actual bar crawl before the voting that ended at 7 30 as soon as lane with twitter and it's an election yeah yeah his 20 year old uh no he's i think he's let's see i just click on twitter and automatically wait a minute no wait he's done now he's moved on you can tell so election uh day was yesterday. The midterms. Guess what his new troll is going to be against? Because he always he's in Stewart, Florida now as his location. All of these are based in the truths from our past.

He used to go to Stewart, Florida. No, but it's always like kind of close to truth. We would go to Nettles Island, which is very close to Stewart. I don't know where this is going. So he always telegraphs his next troll. So the first one was like he needed a ride to the polls. He didn't have a car. Yeah. So now he just changed his location to Stewart, Florida.

Okay. And his new bio is F Hurricanes. I don't live in fear. He's trolling hurricanes. He's going to troll a community. Meteorologists. he denies hurricane yeah he's a guy i know weather exists but not all of it he's flying too close to the sun so he's his election day is over and now he's going to troll he's doing this and my mom is is people are texting her now so i guess they got her number last week we were like hey all of our

numbers are online start a group chat with us i've gotten so many texts probably shouldn't have done that have you guys gotten texts no they've stayed i've gotten uh yes i'll be getting a lot i've gotten a lot but then i guess they googled yours and found your mom's they texted my mom and the worst part is she is text she is is like falling for this guy. He's clearly trolling for her and he and she's loving it. I told her, stop texting these guys from the Internet. Just that's that should go without saying. But she was like, I said, Mom, that is so fucking weird. And then she texted me about like says the guy who who played crosswords instead of going to the Rangers game.

Yeah. And she sends me all the screenshots and she keeps responding with and her font is so big on her phone oh yeah oh yeah and what did this guy say what's yeah what's this guy saying they established that it's not my but i saw on the anus subreddit they were just like i got kyle's number but i think he's pretending to be his mom she's texting she's trying to troll him she he says are you kb i won't leak if so and she's like no i'm his mom how did you get his number she said oh my he said the internet she says oh my that's scary now he's like i can't imagine kyle comes home much uh not with his

new girlfriend they grow up so fast and she's like lol exclamation exclamation exclamation exclamation okay yeah and he says ms bauer can i call you that are you are you aware that your husband is on twitter and she was like yes i know she's got to stop for the spot he is doug winoy ms bauer are you familiar with the podcasting work kyle does he had his advice on it got me addicted to kratom and she says yes and it's very hard to listen to as his mother i'm so sorry i hope he didn't get you addicted to zin too he keeps texting talking about his in addiction and his son david and she's asking him very open-ended how old is your son i am so glad you two are bonding but perhaps they're just they're just yeah they're at their pen pals but perhaps they're

they're no they're developing feelings for each other. She's falling for this guy. Some guy on Reddit is going to be dating my mom. And my dad's not going to care. He's going to be trolling. Hurricanes. Hurricanes. Tropical Storm Nicole coming up. Oh, my God.

And he's like, it's surprising to hear KB. Or what is. So wait, is this bad? Is she going to be getting a lot more texts after this? She says, I know when Kyle was a young boy, his dad and him bonded over playing a game of catch. I think she's kind of trolling back. Why? Why is that trolling?

That's... Didn't you guys play catch? Yeah, religiously. Okay. That might backfire, but yeah. Are they still talking? I think so. That's out of the way okay all my family were into we're very into trolls like except you're you're just that's such a cope that your mom's falling for a man you're like

she's fucking trolling the hell out of them no my mom is into trolls like she's into that oh oh she's attractive yeah very much so married your father yeah yeah loves you to death yeah we're in the group chat and people will just be like facebook marketplace wasn't hitting today i gotta try something else tomorrow we're all yeah does your sister troll um she don't text don't text her she doesn't her number's not out there yeah she's she's the only good egg in the family um all right all right yeah what do we got let's get into the news also fuck you rudy for the dozen we thought we were playing chicago and then rudy comes and he's like yeah i'm playing against you guys filled in for chief didn't tell us

yeah i didn't say a word rookie of the year. Yeah, just let me just be their opponent. I'm on their team. Let me just be their opponent and try to embarrass them publicly in front of a... I had to play with White Sox, Dave, and Carl. You guys are one of the best trivia teams. You're rookie of the year. You don't want me to get shine? No.

You don't want me to shine? Yeah. I don't want you to beat us. I was kidding. I think Nick was serious. He does not want you to get any extra shine. I was kidding. Okay.

I like Rudy getting shine. Who's that gotten? What song is that? Me freestyling. Before we get into the news, actually talking about Rudy and like Rudy does his streams. We're going to start putting those streams on anus. They're fun. They're funny.

The four of us, Rudy, Nick, Kyle and Mook and one more Enrique will be Tyler's right here he does not have the time he does not have the time he does this out of absolute charity no indentured servicemen

he's going to LA to fuck big butt Latinas with Pat Bev's posse we are we're going to L.A. to fuck big butt Latinas with Pat and Pat Bev's posse. We are what I'm announcing. We're going to be live streaming us on a role playing server in World of Warcraft. I will be the healer. Rudy will be the rogue DPS. That's damage per second.

You will be the heavy armor plate armor tank. You you will be a goblin. I'll pick my character. That's the nature of the game. Do you want to be an orc? We'll see. It's the premier species of the Horde. Lord of the Rings baddie.

All right. I got to update everyone's asking. Today's podcast or crossword didn't finish it. Got within three boxes in 14 minutes. Got stuck up on a few. That's that. That's very brave of you to say that. That's that.

Yeah. That is weirder than responding to a troll your mom's right um glad we got that out of the way mook i believe will be playing the warlock i will be the uh troll priest uh healing you guys and it's a role-playing server so if we do not act accordingly we're out and enrique will be there as the the DPS mage so when you say DPS does that mean that we're the ones putting in work yeah so Kyle is the uh the tank so he'll be drawing aggro of the monsters I will be healing Kyle so he can keep attacking and drawing aggro you guys will be doing the damage to it but you don't want to do too much where you get the aggro

because you're softer than Kyle Kyle's going to be wearing plate armor you'll be wearing leather I'll be wearing cloth so Kyle is just cannon fodder yes what am i wearing plate armor fuck that fuck that i'm i'll wear the plate armor yeah yeah what and you'll be an orc what's your name gonna be some control over this what's your name gonna be kyle i'm trying to think of justin congrego who's that it's gonna be my name that's the reason i'm picking it as my name because no one has that name no one has that name that's nobody's first name that they think of justin congrego yeah c-o-n-g-r-e-g-o he doesn't exist exactly what and that's sounds like it would be a pop that that's how impressive i was at coming up with the most popular sounding name that no one has there's no just it sounds

like there'd be a ton of them how did you wait i just said what's your name going to be i thought it was going to be like some fantasy name you said just just con gregorego. The orc. If you bitches don't call me Justin Congrego. This stream is going to be so good. Our first stream, I think the plan is we're not turning it off until we all get mounts, which is level 30. I think around level 30. It may have changed since I played in high school. An amount is a horse? Yeah, a mount's a horse.

Then you give them flying mounts later. But like ours, every species has like a different mount. So like trolls ride raptors. Horses will ride like... It's awesome. But it'll be great. So it's gonna be like a 10-hour stream. Justin Congrego.

The Spanish word. This is gonna be the funniest thing ever. Take the Italian flag out of your bio if you don't stop calling me Justin Congrego. You're saying Justin Congrego. Like a fucking Irish person. Like an Anglo. Oh, I thought he was Spanish. I can understand that.

He's rolling his tongue. He's Italian. No more Italian name than Justin. Yeah. Wow. You're having fun already, man. Justin Congrego.

Yeah, yeah. The orc in plate armor. Uh-huh. Let's get to the news. How is that the first name you think of? That was wildly impressive. Has that ever been a... Do you know anybody with the last name Congrego?

No. That was... You could search it. There has to be Congregos, right? Me and my dad are good. There's no Wanoys out there. Wanoys is a little bit worse than Congrego. Yeah, but Congrego sounds so real.

Yeah, it does. It's just Congrego. Boy. All right, let's get into it in a catholic news cardinal ricard uh was one of 11 french bishops who are accused of abuse towards boys it's just coming out these french bishops 11 including a card what was 11 11 french bishops oh he's only there's only 11 this is a recent total right now that just came out okay uh cardinal ricard being one of them but he the bishop defended himself saying he has taken a vow of celibacy but he's always been nothing but straight

liar if i know one thing about bishops they they're not straight. They can only move diagonally. There's going to be a theme to these jokes. A new giant mural of MLK has been painted in an unlikely area. Prague. Pretty cool. Worldwide. Yeah. The least religious country in the world.

Yeah, really? Yeah. On one hand, I think it's a beautiful thing. They're rallying around somebody that's not from where they are, but they like his views and they're enough to do this enormous mural. But if there's one thing I learned, you never want your king in check. Okay. Okay. So if you guys are paying attention, you can see where this is going.

An Allegiant Air flight attendant has been fired for racial discrimination. Apparently, she only served the white passengers and ignored the African-American couple mid-flight. In my opinion, the only time you could separate black and white on board is during a game of chess. It's the only time during chess. And finally, in some astronomy news, this Sunday at 1045 Eastern, you'll be able to see three small comets fly by. 1045 PM Eastern.

Is this like a natural occurrence? This is, it's going to be a meteor shower. You'll be able to see the three comets. It's not like man-made or interfered, controlled. What? this is uh it's going to be a meteor shower you'll be able to see the three man made or interfered controlled what so three comments are just going to come by naturally that's just how it works like a meteor shower that's how the universe works yeah no it's there this is actually a man-made meteor shower i actually wanted to clarify yeah i know so this sunday around 10 45 p.m eastern you'll be able to look outside and see three small comets fly by.

C3 night is also a great starting opening move in the abstract strategy game of chess. So that's right. You always want your nights in the middle. A night on the rim makes you very dim is what they say in the chess community. And that's all I know. That's all I have. My news jokes are actually in the lunch that I packed today. Yeah. Feels like you're stealing my thing.

We got multiple bags. This is the most prep you've ever done for the show ever this is a russian house doll of news wait why the fuck well it's not news jokes it is a burger that i found and i believe this that you found no i discovered i discovered this burger that's even weir. I'm hypothesizing that this is the worst burger that is sold commercially in the United States of America. I'm ruling out East Asia. Why did you have like three lunch boxes? To keep it fresh.

So what is in this burger, this mystery burger? And I'll tell you. Tomatoes. Okay. The patty is made of lentil and pea protein. So not lentil and peas, lentil and pea protein. It just has one bite taken. The cheese is cheddar cheese with a Z,

which is not, it's vegan cheese. It has shiitake bacon, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, special sauce, beet ketchup, and a potato bun. Why beet ketchup? Can't you just use ketchup? Did you order this from... Fuck. My zin got caught up in the... That's bad.

It's okay. Those are vegan. Where is this going? Do I swallow it? Your zin? No. Well, it's in the wad of... It's okay. Those are vegan. Where is this going? Do I swallow it? Your zin? No. Well, it's in the... Are your jokes in there? Are your jokes in your mouth? It tastes like citrus. No. He has become the joke. Wait, is your zin citrus? Yeah.

Okay. So are you going to have to take another bite? I'm going to swallow it. You're going to swallow your zin? That's going to get you sick. Is that true? I've seen Big Cat do it. And he's alive. Just spit the whole thing out. Does it go quite according to plan? Wow.

Alright. It's not bad. At all. It's pretty good. I was wrong. I was very wrong. And that's the beauty of research. And I can admit that. What the fuck, man? All right.

Wait a minute. It wasn't bad at all. I was expecting it to be terrible. When did you buy it? I'm not going to say. But when did you get it? Today. But then you put it in a lunchbox and then you put it in another one.

I got it this morning at home and then I packed it. Okay, but why two lunchboxes? Three lunchboxes. Why three lunchboxes? I don't know. Why did you have three lunchboxes? There was three times as much protection on that burger than there was just... Yeah, but I understand a guy having one lunchbox.

They're like cutesy as hell yeah what where'd you get those don't ask more news more news we've spoken in the past about trying to figure out trying to crowdsource or figure out um directly who our skinniest listener is yeah that's right we didn't accomplish that i thought we did possible to know because we can't like weigh all of our listeners um we found the fattest one though he submitted himself he says he's 550 pounds i said i'm gonna need you to prove that and he sent me a picture of the scale and it said 551 so he's not even five he 551. So shout out to him. What's his name? Let me see. Big fella.

David. He said having to buy a scale that can go that high isn't the easiest in the world. Also, I'm 5'10", so not like giant big, just wide and fat. So this episode will go out to him. Yeah.

And the area code is three one seven. That is actually not Cedar Rapids. It's Indianapolis. Did you lie to me? Yeah. Why did you do that? Why did you do that off the get? You've changed.

The area code is Indianapolis. You're going to get a lot of tweets that people that pause. I know that was I wanted to do that. See, see who's listening. I wanted to do that see see was listening i wanted to do that see uh indiana what do you think about indianapolis um it's clean the streets are wide relatively boring looks like they have a little city uh they have a lot of escape rooms and i've been to the best escape room i've ever been there uh it was space themed i opened up this hatch

they had an actor playing a dead body and we had to take his space suit off. Jesus Christ. I feel like Indianapolis is just anyone that lives there, they are actively living in an escape room city. They're trying to escape. They don't have...

I said Houston doesn't have any identity, which is why it sucks. The downtown is just gray cubes and there were no people yes indianapolis is suffering from an identity crisis which is almost worse they don't know what they are it's a it's a mixture of people pretending to be urban and people pretending to be deep south like farmers yes yeah um so it's like white guys who will say y'all urbanly and white guys who will say y'all confederately yeah and it just doesn't neither work and they always it's because it's basketball culture so they think they can speak in ebonics it just doesn't work that way right

a guy that looks like walt jr with cystic acne he's like's like, y'all, y'all got to stop playing with this. Shake, steak and shake. For sure. Y'all got to stop playing, bro. That Frisco melt, something serious. It just doesn't work. Then the state is covered in corn. Which would be something that you could accurately describe you got you guys are

the corn state but now that uh kansas has that nebraska has that above you meth you you they do the most meth but no one knows yeah they don't they can't even claim that their motto is crossroads of america that's their motto okay that's their like number one selling point their proudest selling point that the crossroads of america a lot of interstates go through it so that's their motto okay that's their like number one selling point their proudest selling point that the crossroads of america a lot of interstates go through it so that's just saying your biggest point of pride is the fact that people can easily pass through this leave the city i think crossroads was also britney spears first it was it was a movie with justin greeny no it wasn't oh it's from Kelly to Justin. I looked up the Wikipedia page,

a sedative, a sedative. Really? So it says, it says, indigenous people inhabited the area dating to as early as 10,000 BC. That's kind of interesting. Yeah, very. The next sentence,

not the next paragraph, is in 1818, the Lenape relinquished their tribal lands. And in 1821, Indianapolis was founded. What history is that? That's 11,800 years of nothing. So it went from 10,000 BC to that it was created in 1821. Yeah.

The city has notable niche markets in amateur sports. Notable niche markets in amateur sports. Notable niche markets in amateur sports. That's the opposite of notable. Yeah. Notable niche. Like jumbo shrimp. It's like, yeah.

Or. Yeah, that's the only one I had to. Yeah, that's the go to oxymoron. So there are sports. They're a basketball city. The Pacers have never won an NBA championship. A shame, too.

They've had some good teams. They haven't been relevant in eight years. Danny Granger. Paul George, Lance Stevenson. Yeah. Hansborough. Indiana Hoosiers haven't been to the Sweet 16 or passed it in 20 years.

Things to do in Indianapolis. The biggest thing to do is the largest children's museum in the world. I heard it was a lot of fun. It's fun for the kids. So in order to have fun in Indianapolis. The biggest thing to do is the largest children's museum in the world. Heard it was a lot of fun. It's fun for the kids. So in order to have fun in Indianapolis as an adult, you have to sacrifice your fun by having a child and then take them to this Taj Mahal sized museum. Nothing to do. This weekend, who's playing?

Ruben Stuttered. Where? That's kind of cool. That's not cool. And then here's this okay we're not the biggest people who put out anus it's alaska thunderfuck 5000 oh the bag queened and i listened to she she has oh i thought wait why do i think it's a girl and she has a song called anus and it's very good how's it go it's like electronic and it's poppy um found that

her drag queen name is alaska thunder Alaska Thunderfuck 5000 known colloquially as just Alaska okay you really went deep on the wikipedia and I looked up fun facts Indianapolis is the largest major U.S. city that's not located on a navigable river that's the opposite of fun the whole point of a river is you can swim and traverse on it can't even do that say that again it's the largest major u.s city that's not located on a navigable river that's okay that's the fun fact elvis presley's last concert was at the now demolished market school. Did you say Con? Did you say Elvis Presley's last Con? Last Con, yeah. Yeah. Young. So yeah, his last concert is a place that's demolished.

So it's not even there anymore. It has the third largest cemetery in the US. That's not fun. That's not fun. You would have to have the biggest. Mantis is going to come for you, dude. No, no. Nothing against the people that I know from there. It's what I've experienced.

So you just, yeah. Anything else? No, that was my news. Oh, yeah. That was a nice, I like that you surprised us with a burger. You surprised us with everything else. I have a surprise for you after this ad, Kyle. How's the burger?

It's very good. You know, it's better. Feels like this. Did you get where'd you get that from? I come on. I got some of the ingredients from HelloFresh. I'm anti-tomato and lettuce. It's from HelloFresh.

It's not bad. It's kind of adding additional flavors, putting it all together. You just opened that burger and it looked disgusting. That's why I thought it would be the worst. Flip that around. It's shiny. It looks fake. It looks fake.

It looks like it has pieces of those shiny black puffered vests in there. Because it is fake. All the ingredients are vegan derivatives of real food. You can get real food at HelloFresh, though. You can save money on dinner at HelloFresh and put it towards a holiday shopping. It's cheaper than grocery shopping and 25% less expensive than takeout. Pretty good deal. Busy days and late nights call for more flexibility.

That's why HelloFresh has plans to work with your schedule. You can change your preferences, delivery day, and address in just a few clicks. Go to HelloFresh.com slash... Anus. Untold. Untold 15. Story 65. Story 65. Yeah, yeah. untold untold 15 story 65 65 yeah yeah story 65 and use code story 65 for 65 off plus free shipping that's really a good deal that's story 65 at hellofresh.com story 65 now kyle Kyle, my surprise for you. We were just in Houston.

Put out a video. And unfortunately, you were under the weather and had to go back to the hotel room. Midway. So, yeah, I was sick. And I'm not going to do these videos sober. No, it's hard to get your get going. And, you know, you have to be on the same level energy wise as the people celebrating. Yeah, which I can barely do at any state.

So I, you know, started drinking and I started feeling something, you know, like there's, you know, when you get drunk, you typically you feel more euphoric, you feel more energized, you feel more open for conversation i just it was a dirty drunk it was a dirty drunk i wasn't i wasn't feeling any better i was just feeling uh i felt myself getting dumber and like losing a like different mechanisms of my brain. You don't like to watch videos of yourself. Yes. So I,

when you wake up, I, I think I, I don't know what I was doing, but I woke up and I was like, you know, the feeling of dread after you wake up after an embarrassing night. Yeah.

Well, I was like, most people are like, well, at least it's not on like video. It'll be posted on a large account, like with millions of followers. So, I mean, it was, and I i'm like so it's a terrible feeling but now they didn't use most of the footage so now i can

have like at least yeah i don't have to ever see like the additional footage and the one we used you were the least drunk in it and you could still tell did you see york part in the video and i didn't watch that so what we're doing today we have york part in the video and i didn't watch that so what we're doing today we have a second cut of the video and i think exactly what i just said so no we're not i'm not gonna watch that i think it's only fair since i put out a video and it's mostly me we have the second cut that's mostly you we want to give you shine we want to give you some shine man and uh this is like you should be proud you should. We want to give you some shine, man. And this is like, you should be proud. You should be proud of the work you do.

You don't even watch your videos at your best. And so this is almost exposure therapy, as Rudy said. That is synonymous with torture. Exposure therapy? Yes. Are you willing to just... It's going to make me feel so much worse. No, it's not, because this isn't going out anywhere. It's not going to go anywhere. What do you mean it's not going out anywhere? It's not like make me feel so much worse. No, it's not because this isn't going out anywhere. It's not going to go anywhere.

What do you mean it's not going out anywhere? It's not like this is going out. Are we going to cut this out of the pause? If you don't want it to be in, play it. To be fair, I think it is your best work. It is maybe your Mona Lisa. And it is significantly funnier than the one we did. It's like cunningly witty.

It's like clever. Did I spin a web with people's minds? significantly funnier than the one we did. It's like cunningly witty. It's like clever. Did I spin a web with people's minds? So what we did is we broke it up and Rudy put title cards and we're going to read you the title card that hints what the clip is. I want to see if you remember it. I don't.

I don't even know what I could have. It's only about four minutes. It's short. And you can get through this, man. Are you ready? All right. Are you ready? Kyle?

No, I don't want to do this. You were drinking Crown Apple, and it got you a dirty drunk, when you should have been drinking SoCo. You were the face of the commercial. Is that out? No. Oh, you're going to be the face of the commercial, whether you're at a festival, a Houston Astros victory party, a tailgate or relaxing after midterm. SoCo is ready for anything whiskey. It's packed with flavor and makes a mean SoCo sour.

SoCo Black has just the right balance of sweetness wrapped in a smoke flavor. For those who like the... Excuse me. I was just thinking about drinking something else other than Soko. Soko is so tasteful. Just the right mix of sass and class. That's my kind of whiskey. Times change and so does what we drink.

Make sure the tasteful choice is Soko. Click the link in the description to see more cool stuff from soco thank you soco all right rudy we're just going to pause it after the title card plays so astroworld series the kb cut and for those listening on uh you'll be able to still be able to hear it on the podcast but if you'd like to see it unless we cut it it'll be uh it'll be on youtube be sure to subscribe to the youtube we could use it all right let's uh let's get this rolling pause so this first one made the video yeah i've heard about it wizards of waverly praise i I get it. What have you heard about it? I know that one. Watch it. What did you do?

I pronounced Wizards of Waverly. I don't know why I was saying it. I never watched that show. I don't know anything about it. But I pronounced the L as an R. I think I was talking like in like a, you code, you code switch 1 million times,

which is ironic. Cause I replaced the L with an R. So I was doing a lot of code switching, I guess. Let's, let's play this one. And this is the one that did make it to the cut. This made the final cut.

This was your least drunk. It's been mad quiet. It's been quiet. And all that shit zero retired and then selena gomez went on the wizards of waverly praise and then all that shit type shit then then whatever the hell you just said all right paul yeah i did like the type shit at the end i like the type shit at the end you said in type shit and type shit. Then you push past the mic over. That was the first thing we said to that guy. You guys can just make fun of me.

It's significantly worse. Like I try to like make this a complimentary thing. Like it was actually funny. I like what you said. It was funny because I am so idiotically wasted and look like a fool. You don't look like a fool because you're naming people from Texas. Yeah. You connected Paul Wall.

Again, I don't need this. I don't need this. Zero. Standard. Standard. Things have been awfully quiet since zero retire. Trying to find some redeemable Paul Wall on his type shit. Zero.

I don't know who that is. It's a Houston rapper. I looked it up. I must have looked it up in a stupor. I think your phone is on his type shit? Zero. I don't know who that is. It's a Houston rapper. I looked it up. I must have looked it up in a stupor. I think your phone is on his Spotify. You could pause it and see. The next one is, if it ain't Houston, who is it? Do you remember this?

This is with a homeless woman you gave $100 to. That didn't happen. I don't carry cash. You gave her money somehow. Did I really? Yeah. Jesus. Oh, one of the...

I love hitting the ATM when I'm drunk, just tinkering with the screen, seeing if I can put in some cheat codes. Yeah, you went to IGN.com for the ATM. There was one time in college, I think we were drunk, and we found there was an ATM in the sheets by Holly Park Apartments that was just spitting out 20s. It was like a fantasy. So I like to tinker with ATMs, especially when I'm drunk. Because when I'm sober, I'm like, I know, I have the wherewithal to know

that's not going to work again. And then, yeah. You gave this homeless woman a decent amount of money. Okay. If it ain't Houston, who is it? And I think this actually helped us in trivia yesterday. Yeah, because you just start spouting off cities. No, I like to do that, too.

But. Personified Houston. If it ain't Houston, who is it? It ain't San Antonio. It ain't Dallas. It ain't Houston, who is it? It ain't San Antonio. It ain't Dallas. It ain't El Paso. Oh, it ain't Birmingham. No, it ain't Galveston.

No, it ain't Grand Prairie. It ain't Waco. It ain't Oklahoma. No, it ain't South Padre. No, sir. It ain't Amarillo. They are outside. The only thing I want to know is that if you were to add, you had one more in the chamber and then unfortunately the moment passed. You had one more and you felt as if you know maybe you said enough because

the ending there the ending is look at yourself look at yourself no I just would like to know there is one you have to look at because your face changes so much but it's not this one so you don't have to look are you enjoying this now are you pissed it's fucked up yes do you want to stop But that's not this one. So you don't have to look. You enjoy this now.

Are you pissed? It's fucked up. Yes. Do you want to stop? This one is clever. This is good. This is the web you talk about. What I said, wah-wah is more like wah-wah.

Yeah. So. Okay. Philly fans love wah-wah, but now they're like crying. Wah-wah. Wah-wah. Yeah. It's not clever. It is.

I find that clever. Do you want to keep going? Stop talking to me like this. It's so fucking demeaning to talk to me like this. To try to actually talk to me like I'm a child and make me feel better. It's a source of shame. Tremendous shame. I'm embarrassed. It's something that I would like to forget about.

And now you're eternalizing all of this, tremendous shame. I'm embarrassed. It's something that I would like to forget about and now you're eternalizing all of this into my brain and it's going to have probably irreversible effects on my life moving forward. Do you want us to stop? Because now I'm going to be, yeah, it's going to, every time I'm on camera, keep it going.

Keep it going. Are you actually good? No no keep it going though all right well what's the next one for seven but we got one thing oh they're raining i've been saying this but the thing is these philly motherfuckers are trying to say wah wah guess what we're in houston we're talking about the way to cheat and win the world series why are you talking i don't know

i don't know was it the cold medicine that's that's a problem trying to win the world series you want to keep going no you want to take a break real talk philly dudes take it easy this one no there's no other i can't there's not real talk philly dudes take it easy is there a comma somewhere in there i don't know i don't know grammar very well but i don't know there's no way no no it sounds like a drake song yeah shut it no no that was it that was not much

read the next one that one actually makes sense it has structure who do you think the like you guys are we need some Houston fans That one actually makes sense. It has structure. It has... Who do you think the like you guys are? We need some Houston fans like you guys. Oh. Were they just being nice?

That's part of... Were they in suits? We're not racist. Come on, come on. No, pause it, pause it, pause it. Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

I can leave and you guys can finish. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. We can skip this one if you'd like. I'm not watching anymore. You guys can play it if you want. No, no, I don't want you to.

No, you guys can do whatever you want. No, I don't. We can scrap this. It sounds like you guys want to. No, no, no, no. I think it'd be mad funny to you guys if you guys kept playing it so you guys. No, no, I don't want you to. No, you guys can do whatever you want. No, I don't. We can scrap this. It sounds like you guys want to. No, no, no, no. I think it'd be mad funny to you guys if you guys kept playing it so you guys could keep doing it. No, I don't want you to be pissed off. Yeah, I don't want you to be pissed off. No, no, I think. We could cut this whole thing. I want you guys to

run the show and just do whatever and I'm just going to sit here. Yeah, we'll see. No, I don't want it. We're done. We're done. You guys, I think it would be very enjoyable to you guys to keep playing and I want you guys to do it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Play it. Man, dude, we ran out of white people back there.

Oh, no. Cut it, cut it. Because I don't know where I'm going with this. You don't go, you don't go. You don't go too far. You don't go too far. No, no. Look at this. Look at this screen cap.

Look at that. No. Is that so? Oh, man. You can handle this one. I know you can. I don't want to. I can understand that.

But I don't think it's as bad as you bad as look at that yeah look at that picture it looks bad now that's gonna set me back years do you mean like my like credibility with what that picture alone what is that just he looks so disappointed he He is. Not yet. Actually, I've seen enough. I've seen enough. Of the pause or the... You don't understand how my brain works. This is going to really affect me.

Maybe for the best. What do you mean for the best? Is it going to make you sober? i'm not gonna yes i didn't take a sip at the live show last night i guess that's normal as a tuesday but i drank but yeah i usually would for like an event like that but you're on lean no no i'm going i'm gonna go i'm going full sober again? but that's when this whole drivel arc started and Kratom

no it started after I finished my sobriety when did Kratom start? during the sobriety I needed something you gotta feel me there you need you need something yeah you have something type shit for sure there was some overlap yeah i think you can i think you power through this one you loved testing your body at the gym why don't you test your mind with this

there's there's beneficial mental tests and i i get like the exposure therapy works in some sense, this will have no benefit. This will only live in my brain. And I'll think about it probably once every four to five days. It'll pop in my head and I'll like audibly gasp on the subway. So we shared a hotel room after our live show in Boston and we just laid down and you just went, and we're like, are you good? And you said, said oh i just thought that sound i made the exact sound yeah yeah is that going to cause more of this all of this will the fact that i it already happened

did and now i'm seeing this and like i know this exists and other people are going to see it yeah say the words i'm not going to be no don't cut it leave it in okay look how fast i'll change his mind hit the space bar no no we're not i'm done with this this this sake because there's nothing more i don't think there's anything more it's just me there is uh looking like a fool the food there's there's one more i think that's really good is it this one this one is great um there is there is one that we definitely can't use it wasn't bad like in that sense but this one you're trying to blame you're trying to circle his back on

Rome I it's that's toddler like brain activity to like remember some instance from the past and like say it again that's not toddler brain. That's just a memory. Yeah, it's just a memory.

Yeah, I just described a memory. No, I actually don't want to. This guy actually is just like, where the hell is that? Hold on. Let's just go through the titles then. Okay. Where the hell is that? Pretty basic.

Wait a minute. This one, though. Jesus. Look at. I look like a baseball player from like the 20s. Hold on. No, no, no. Wait.

This is what you need to see. The guy told you to go spit game to the girl standing a little ways away. He said interview her. He said go interview her. And you have to see this. No, I don't. It's the funniest thing in the world. It's funny to laugh at. That's what humor is. That's what funny is.

Yeah, it's funny that like when Anthony Wiener got exposed for sex we were all laughing about it. He wasn't I wouldn't say this is not really that bad I don't care it is for me

it's really gonna hurt my self worth I don't want that we'll stop okay I'm sorry Jesus Sorry I'm just You know this one

That's kind of funny The title This is the one that should have stayed in the video No I don't care This was legitimately funny Play this one because this will get you back on your feet We gonna put him to sleep We just gonna

Wait wait wait How we putting him to sleep Pills I don't wanna put him to sleep like that In a legal way I wanna put him to sleep On their own accord and then get them. That's good. Oh, no.

But this one's not. You want the mic. Yeah. Yeah, I'm done. Is there any more? This one's pretty self-explanatory. Yeah, you just scream that. You just scream that. I'm going to say T-scores. That's pretty funny,explanatory. Yeah, you just scream that. You just scream that.

SAT scores. That's pretty funny, too. That's mad funny. That's good shit. That's a cutting insult. Uh-huh. Insulting their intelligence. Yeah, all right.

Okay, I'm done. I'm done. Oh, this is just me and you. I don't want to see myself behave like this. No, this one's fine. You know, when I started this job. Because I'm drunk, too. You didn't want to be on camera at all? When I started this job, it wasn't I didn't want to be myself behave like no this one's fine you know when i started this job too you didn't want to be on camera when i started this job it wasn't i didn't want to be on camera it's i couldn't

and i was very content with that i enjoyed blogging being anonymous you know doing my work from behind the screen not without a live audience or any audience for that matter hearing or seeing me that was my comfort zone and that's where i felt that i excelled the most over time um there's been a lot of good things to happen to me from easing into radio podcasting and video yeah um and i had to go through a lot of mental barriers to convince myself i can do this you're the best at it i can you're the funniest guy and that's the only that was the only motive like oh people some people like this um sometimes it does turn out funny that kept me going but i still kind of really hated it and for a lot of things i would have to get drunk in order to do it and to even be able to perform um and now i see this and i see what alcohol can

cause me to do and like how i can be perceived on video and now it's set me back to square one don't say that like i like for instance like i i'm have i'm feeling discomfort doing this right now so when it comes to the next video especially if there's like people there watching like i i might just shut down completely and please don't quit maybe start i don't know we'll see shut up you're fucking lying yeah and if that is the case you have me really worried man Is this how you were in college? No, because I could always get drunk. When I would get drunk, I would be a better version of myself.

And I think I'm usually good at that, like being funnier and being just. But that was this is this is me just grabbing you and you just go, let the KB go. That's pretty funny. I can visualize it so we don't have to watch it. It also was one of the ones I actually did make it in. This was in the video. It made it in, so it's not new news. No one needs to see it. Go watch the video. Alright. Yeah, shut it down.

Yeah, shut it down. Okay. Shut the camera. So was this a good or a bad idea? Doing this? Yeah. We it down. Okay. Yeah. Well, shut it down. Shut the camera. So was this a good or a bad idea? What? Doing this? Yeah. We'll see. People like it, you know.

Provide feedback if you didn't like it. We could go back to talking about the burger. You good? Yeah. Yeah. Nah. you good yeah yeah no it's it's it's good to laugh at yourself yes dude yeah i've embarrassed myself countless times it's great to do that sometimes so it was a therapeutic yeah it was probably yeah it's probably good for me to see that we won't release the video on its own and we could even blur out this we'll blur this out the video on its own like was that what you guys can spot like were you guys talking about that doing that no we're not doing that we just thought of maybe a different version of the Snyder Cut. You know? Yeah. It would be cool to

see like two different versions. The same story. Man! Man! Oh my god. You haven't watched any of your best stuff. You don't watch Rediscovering best stuff you don't see you don't watch rediscovering america you don't watch this which sucks because that's more like they're always like

other people like it's work that they do well and i still can't i get that or he puts together masterpieces i know i see clips but i just cannot i can't do it yeah no i think that's more normal than watching yourself agreed a lot of a lot of a lot of the greatest actors can't do it. Yeah. No, I think that's more normal than watching yourself. Agreed. A lot of, a lot of, a lot of the greatest actors can't watch themselves. Yeah. Okay. Then.

Yeah. No, I think. Yeah. I think that's true. Like Leonardo DiCaprio maybe has never seen any. Yeah. They hate, they hate, like a lot of the actors go to their premieres and then as soon as the movie starts, they just bounce. Yeah.

Like you're not alone. You'll see something. You'll just be like, oh, I could have done that better. So Leo, Leonardo DiCaprio, he was in the titanic the revenant yeah uh this you comparing that to this leo it's there's a camera and there's and there's a recording oh yeah man leo couldn't watch wolf of wall street it's just like kb not being able to watch that um i believe mook had a news joke for us but uh uh before we get into that big shout out to to Ridge Wallet. Really like Ridge Wallet. If you're not using Ridge, where's

your money? Where's your cards? Where's your pictures of your wife? Some leather wallet. Maybe Velcro. Stuffing up the whole pocket. Yeah. Not Ridge. It holds up to 12 cards plus room for cash, but it's ultra slim and minimalist.

It's over 30 colors and styles, including carbon fiber and titanium. it's got rfid blocking technology that protects you from additional pickpocketers everything you do makes me laugh man that drink made me laugh awesome oh yeah you might have the easiest job in the world it's it's uh every time someone's like that's the funniest thing you did and i was like that that was me just like i was just chilling yeah i didn't know yeah oh secure is anywhere of two from two to six keys that's the key case that's when i use six colors and styles you guys can go to ridge.com and use code untold u-n-t-o-l-d for 10 off your order you're good you're not mentally you're not broken

no i'm fine venus williams ghosted me i don't believe you didn't answer yeah no one believes you wow that's how impressive that's not a that's not like a yeah you you had a conversation with her she's unprompted it's like you were throwing a no hitter. And what was the last message? Was I was I involved? It was like, was it was I involved in the last message? Were you trying to plan something with me? Yeah.

And that's when she stopped. Don't blame yourself. Never even read. That's good. That's good that she hasn't read it. Maybe she's busy. Where is she? Uh-oh.

Oh, yeah. My future brother-in-law, Drake, called him a groupie. He said, Serena, your husband's a groupie. He's like a billionaire, isn't he? A groupie? Yeah. What was the insult there? Groupie.

Like he's a groupie because he married the yeah successful tennis star yeah fair yeah she didn't answer but i didn't say your name i said my co-host okay it could be anybody it's not like i'm bound permanently to anybody. It's not like people view us as one entity. Yo, Nick and KB. And it's just like me. Mook, come say your news joke. What laughs we had today?

I had fun. I met some cool guys last night. Oh, at the Dozen? Very cool. I met Frank the Yank. Some awesome dudes. Some awesome anus fans. Yeah.

There was an Australian couple. Yes. The man shares my last name, Bauer. And I was thrilled. They asked me to guess what state Adelaide is. And I fucked it up. What did you say? I was like, New South Wales and they

were both like, no! In unison. And I was like, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah. You almost want to get that wrong so you can hear that. N-A-U-R. Yeah, no, that was really an awesome event. This will be out after it airs. No, it won't. After our match airs.

Yeah, our match is... This will be out after the match airs we won you did yeah oh yeah easy question we had with uh uh uh the subway bread

yeah that was in no way similar to sofrito italian herbs and cheese yeah this subway bread released in 2003 has italian herbs and cheese on it that's essentiallyway bread released in 2003 has Italian herbs and cheese on it. That's essentially what it said. Yeah. This Subway bread has cheese. Herbs.

I think he just looked up synonyms for each of those. Yeah. This Subway bread has a mold-based dairy product and plants from the Tuscany region shredded on top. Can we say that? I don't know if we can say the result. There's no championship. It was like, I don't know if they're going to.

Yeah. Yeah. Probably not. No. Yeah. That's they won't. But in no, but in no universe is that compared to when I had I had to come up with a discontinued

Chipotle vegan item. No, you didn't. It's still on the menu. Is it? Yeah. Oh, is it? I would not have gotten. I knew that because I had a run with that.

So Frida, you're the biggest phase guy in the world. I know. I like you never dabble. I make it my whole personality and then wash, rinse, repeat. What was your strangest phase? Strangest phase. None of them are that weird. They're all like, I just, it's weird how into that, into them I get.

I was really into drafting as a kid. I had a big drafting table and I had like a computer for architecture and stuff. And I would draft all day. I think. Like seventh grade. Yeah. I pretended to like Van Halen in like 10th grade. Like be a super fan.

And like learn everything about, I don't know. In what grade? I thought it was cool to be like a fan of classic rock. Have we talked about this before? So I picked Van Halen, I think I said it. And yeah, I didn't even like their music. I think it was the most annoying piles of shit. They're good guitar, but Panem,

like Panama, that sucks. But you pretend to be a Van Halen. And I was consciously aware of that. I was like, I don't like this, but I have to like really leave. You have to have something.

I was an ACDC kid. Everything I owned, I had an ACDC themed room. I only wore ACDC shirts. You liked ACDC. I loved ACDC. I watched like, I had the DVD to watch the live shows, but you didn't listen to it?

Throughout high school, it was all things that I didn't really like. Oh, I pretend. Wiz Khalifa. I think I even Facebooked Cushion Orange Juice. We'll never be topped. I don't even know one song. I tried to get into Mac Miller, which I did like. That was easy, though.

Odd Future. Earl Sweatshirt. Learned all the lyrics to Molly Whopped. And you didn't like it? I actually kind of do. Still do. I pretended to like skateboarding all through high school, and I just hung out with all the skateboarders, and they never saw me on one. I would go to the skate park, never saw me on one.

That was a lot of skaters. I see them at New York, the cool skaters. I would go to the skate park. Never saw me on one. That was a lot of skaters. Yeah. I see them like in New York, the cool skaters. I was like, do a trick. Get on the board. Do a trick. I've never seen it. Stop looking cool.

Yeah. Yeah. I did it for the shoes. There was this pair of shoes. It was made by Fallen, the company. And the side of the shoes looked like the Japanese rising sun. And it was sick. And I just wanted that.

My mom was like, you don't even skateboard. I don't watch me now started. Yeah. I remember I was into skating and I actually did like it, but I was terrified. I wanted to be good. So bad. I could drop into a bowl.

That's pretty cool. That's something. Yeah. I mean, I was really into it. And then I remember I really wanted Osiris D threes, big tongue, big time,

like a uh cow yeah nice and a whale the size of a car i was thinking of a pokemon but it's just lick a tongue and it doesn't make any damn sense but i didn't think that my i thought i would be accused of being a poser because i couldn't like kick flip well enough to own the osiris d3 yes it was like a prestige thing i used to put holes in the side of my shoes like I was wearing the grip tape out. Every time I went to the skate park, I once intentionally broke my skateboard because this kid wanted to challenge me to skate. On the way down, I slammed

it. It's called focusing. I focused my skateboard. I got there and I was like, I fucking broke it on the way here, dude. He was like, use mine. I was like, nah. Nah, I don't like that setup. I skated 7.5. It's an 8.1. A lot of the times, I don't like that setup. I skate a 7.5. It's an 8.1. And then a lot of the times I just pretend to be hurt. And I would just hang out at the skate park. That works.

That does work. But I convinced everybody at high school. They were like, yeah, Nick's up there with Kyle Huggins is one of the best. No! Kyle Huggins got a gnarly varial heel. And he was like, dude, I think you got that before me. I was like, yeah, I did. And then it just spread like wildfire.

Brilliant propaganda. Yeah. Shit. So people had me up there in the Rushmores of skaters and they probably never saw me on a board. All my friends were better too. That's impressive. Took four years. Of not even, you didn't do one move. I learned how to

ollie my third year of skateboarding. It's harder than it looks. Tell me about it. It took me three years. You can learn Mandarin in that time. I don't think I could ever learn Mandarin. No, language perplexes me. It's so beyond me.

Yeah. And it's so far away from our language. I can't even do it i'm banned what do you mean i got when i got when they said i had dyslexia they said you're done with languages you're banned you're banned from mandarin any any i could not learn a language and then i tried to stick it to him i tried to learn latin and that was a colossal fail maybe you can learn uh sign language your dyslexic ass is doing it with your feet. Yeah, exactly. Kyle can teach me.

Can't you do sign language, Kyle? No. I fake that. He did pretend to be deaf. How's the burger? It's pretty good. That lunchbox is cute as fuck. It's so cute. I gotta say something.

Kyle has been like lighter and on his feet. There's a twinkle in his eye after watching that video. I agree. You're like you're good. I think that it's what the Navy SEALs say. Like if that was going to break you down, then the foundations you had laid in place were not strong enough. Oh, I need to use the anus fans. Puma is collabing with Pokemon.

I need to get those Charmander Pumas. I'm 11 and a half. If I can't get them, I don't know if there's going to be. They're probably going to be pretty easy to get, aren't they? Never mind. Dude, fucking buy it, dude. Don't make someone poor. No, I'm not making somebody buy it.

If I can't get the auction, if somebody can get an auction, I'll buy the. No, I would never make somebody pay for something. I want. Yeah, you can ask. I would never. No, fuck that, dude. No. How many how many pairs are there going to be released so they have all the three starters unfortunately my favorite starter squirtle and they're the wackest fucking shoe really yeah but the bulbasaur's and the charmanders are awesome so you should get the bulbasaur's these are shoes

with pokemon on they're they're They're styled after Pokemon. Let me show you. Mook, do your news joke while I look this up. Also, by the way, I went through a country phase in high school and nobody thought I was cool at all. Did you like what? Did you have like a dip in your back pocket? I was in northeast Philly wearing a camouflage sweatshirt and I gave myself a, uh, spitting tobacco addiction. You were actually addicted to spitting tobacco.

Yes. I used to put a yo-yo in my back pocket. So teachers would stop. Yeah. I was really wearing a camouflage camouflage and boot. Were there other people doing it? Yes. Yeah.

Oh, really? I was looking for friends, dude. It was like a, like I need a group kind of situation to, uh, start doing that again.

That, that kind of sounds like, again. That kind of sounds like a hard fit. Can I make you? I'll start cosplaying the southern people. Those are sick. I don't need the Pikachu. Those are kind of sick. Pikachu Pumas? Okay. They have the lightning bolts on the

side. Yellow shoes. Yellow shoes are tough. You look like a banana man. Those are sick. Look at the Charmanders. See? The colors just don't work. You can't be walking around with Sherbert on your feet. But those are okay. I like those.

The flames on the bottom. The silhouette's nice. These are horrible. They fucked the squirtles. They did. They fucked the squirtles. Those suck, yeah. Yeah, they should be clunkier,

like a turtle. Okay. That one turtle. Okay. That one's actually terrible. I hate that. You hate that? I hate that silhouette. You hate the silhouette? You like the squirtles better than that? Oh, flip it to the kid. Nah, those suck. So just, I think, the

Charmander and the Pikachus. You like the what? The squirtles are good. You like the squirtles? Alright, we should all get a different pair of these. Down. You like the Squirtles? You're going to be looking like Pele. Is this a soccer player? Yes.

Those are tough. They got flames on the bottom. I would want a Mewtwo one if they had that they don't Rudy I'd want Gengars or Snorlax it's just like black and white some tan Snorlax oh the Snorlax Jordans yeah

oh shit those are cool can we go off on one more tangent or a couple more before you go Snorlax Jordans. Yeah. Oh, shit. Those are cool. Can we go off on one more tangent or a couple more before you go? No, keep going. What's your other tangent? I just wanted to make him wait even longer. You do your jokes in Excel? Yeah.

You still want to be an accountant. Yeah, that is. Google Sheets. Give it up, dude. Give it up, bro. The Notes app exists. You work here now. It's so much easier to space it out. I feel like you would love

excel kyle you could like play in there color stuff i know i'm not into like numbers and no it excels i hate that layout it stresses me out did you lie on your resume that you could use it no oh i did i was getting into child development you've got to have like some sort what did you put under your skills tab on your resume um things like pertaining to the job i was applying for oh i did everything oh really yeah i knew it was i was a shoe in there's no mail your man field yeah i'm excel certified what's that mean we had at my college we had to take a very rigorous excel course and at the end you have to get a certification like owning owning a gun, but Excel. Do you have like a certificate?

Yeah. You should frame that. I should. You're right. We should all get certified in something. Certification week? I had to graduate. You had to, what did you have to get certified in? CPR?

Self-defense. You had to get certified in self-defense? I'm a low-key CPA. What does that even mean? Certified in self-defense? I'm a low-key CPA. What does that even mean? Certified public accountant. Wait, find me one high-key CPA. What do you mean low-key? Find me.

Like, I don't have the certification, but I passed the tests. He's a low-key CPA. Yeah. On the down low. Ooh, the Snorlax Jordans are the best shoe in the world. Oh, those are concepts. Goddamn. Mook, why don't you tell your joke and accept it?

I'm going to try. This is the dumbest. Low-key-ass CPA. The dumbest thing I've ever wrote. But I had fun. Or written. Written, wrote, whatever. Dude, this was good, whatever. Dude,

this was good for you. Yeah, he's back. I think wrote works too. I'm trying. Yeah. Okay. The Associated Press reported that U.S.

midterm participation hit record numbers this year. Many U.S. AP accounts tweeted out saying there was a 20 increase from last year alone luckily i wasn't smart enough to get into ap us so i didn't participate in midterms and actually took a half day from school yesterday there we go beautiful beautiful that was that was the there was dude when you what time did you write that I wrote this better not be before 2 a.m. I was like yesterday at like 11 when the brains firing on all the synapses. Yeah, dude, I lay in bed and that's when all of my ideas start coming.

Yeah. And then I want to go to sleep, but then I have to roll over to get my notes out. That's usually what happens. I my notes app is a jumbled mess. Same dude. And like that's how like I want to try to get into stand up. And it's just let's let's do an open mic next week. app is a jumbled mess same dude and like that's how like i want to try to get into stand up and it's just dude let's let's do an open mic next week when i look at my notes app it's like when kb had to watch that video it makes me hate myself bad ideas what bad ideas bad ideas it's not like

that it's horrible it's not like that at all it is bro for me i think you have beet running down your chin yeah this is good it's from beet neck it's amazing is it a beet based restaurant beegum oh yeah

yeah that's gonna make your poop look like it has blood in it superfood oh no my hemorrhoids make my poop

look like it has blood in it it doesn't on it. It doesn't make it. It just does. Yeah, there's some good sounds, some good sucking on the beats out of the teeth. Great, girl. Good episode for me.

This was hilarious. Yeah, you seem lighter. For me, yeah. It was good for me, yeah. Are you good? Yeah. Alright. You seem liberated. Sign us off. Alright, guys. You see? Now I'm back to square one.

What? I say, alright, guys. And then people start laughing and I'm like, alright, I'm not going to sign down. We laughed because that was like a cliche YouTuber. Yes. And I think you did that on purpose. You went for laughs.

Jesus Christ. All right, guys. That was Anus 317. Cedar Rapids. Cedar Falls. Indianapolis. I know. Thank you.