A New Untold Story - Nick Nurse Nancy - A New Untold Story: Ep. 2

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

welcome to episode 2 of a new untold story. today we dive into kyle's old journals. I highly recommend you watch this one on youtube for visual purposes. ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD to easily score great deals with Gametime Picks! Mando - Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code ANUS at https://Mandopodcast.com/ANUS! #mandopod Betterhelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/NEW today to get 10% off your first month.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Nikki, one, two, three, four, five. All right. We're rolling on main free audition and the screen record. And we're ready to go with the clap. You mean you're exactly reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're going to say no, that's a new one. Hey, is that story over told? No, baby. You mean you're exactly what I'm gonna say It's a fresh-baked untold story A new untold story

A new untold story episode two uh What's up? Two is the country code for Taiwan. No shit, you actually have a two? Yeah. Do you know, Taiwan number one. I don't know, I know, Pakistan number one, no, I think it's similar. What's Taiwan number one? There's this guy, an old gamer that trolled Chinese boys

by saying Taiwan number one. Drew up him crazy. I confused Taiwan and Thailand. Which one is Thai? Thai is Thailand. Taiwanese is Taiwan. So Taiwan is like. Is Hong Kong. Taiwan is like, I'm Taiwan the country.

And China's like, you're Chinese. And when America is chilling with China, we're like, yeah, Taiwan is delusional. But when we're're she'll never make she'll never make it without you. She needs you but then when we're with Taiwan, we're like You're you're not indebted to her like go be your own person And I need your microchips. Yep that we need the microchips bad Fun facts. They have over seven thousand seven elevens what it's a lot there's like it's about the dude is that why India's birth rate so high what they're exporting yes okay yes what else they have musical garbage trucks what much

like we have musical ice cream trucks their garbage trucks play classical music like feral Eisa Feral Eisa for Elise yeah, and um but you have to go bring them your own garbage But they draw you in with the tunes. That's pretty cool. Oh, they're beautiful It's a lot of work is Taiwan an island Yes, small island smaller than Maryland, but with 23 million people. Insane. Yep. Famous Taiwanese people.

There should be a lot. Ang Lee, the crossword cameo guy. He's in every crossword, Director Lee. But he did Hulk. Hulk in Life of Pi. His real name is Ann Lee. He added the G to make it sound more masculine. It works. It does. Yeah. the G to make it sound more masculine. It works.

It does, yeah. Who else? Buzz Lightyear is Taiwanese. He was made in Taiwan. Okay, I didn't know Buzz Lightyear was from Taiwan. The plot of Toy Story 3 was supposed to take place originally in Taiwan. But China would probably boycott the movie.

I think Tim Allen could have done something funny with his voice He just broke into Chinese voice for Toy Story 3 out of nowhere to infinity Yeah, so yeah, it's okay. What's a buzz lightyear line? What's a infinity and beyond okay? That's the big one There's no real ours in that yeah Yeah, it's like what's a buzz lightyear line. What's a party and beyond okay? That's the big one. There's no real ours in that yeah Yeah, I guess oh Wow he doesn't really have any he doesn't he's not a quotable dude the only to infinity and beyond that's really it But Tim Allen is a fucking he's a junkyard dog

Colorado guy, I'm pretty sure is he Colorado guy moved to Michigan and Fiscally no he is fiscally conservative and emotionally liberal He said I don't know what that means because people say I'm new one socially liberal But I've never heard emotionally liberal No idea what that means. Yeah, he was caught with 1.4 pounds of cocaine Yep, a lot of blow smuggling blow which is like That's a lifetime sentence. He ratted out other coke guys to get parole So we got out in like two and a half years. He still spent time before he was famous

Right before he was famous and so like he rats out all these guys and they're just like wishing death upon him from the jail cell like he's like wait. He's in he's the Santa Claus He's the fucking man, but here's the face his real name is Tim dick his name is Timothy dick Fuck yeah all of these it's so common. Let's go to Wikipedia look at the name funny Tim dick Let's go to Wikipedia, look at the name, funny. Tim Dick. So, his head should be hanging from an overpass, right? For that type of behavior. Honestly, pounds of cocaine? But they interviewed the guys he ratted out who are in prison for life, I think,

and they said home improvement saved their lives, helped them survive in jail. They love him. They love, the guys he ratted out love him? Yes. Why, because like maybe they were just like, wow, like he made something of himself? I don't, I didn't.

I would hate him. He's not a good guy. Is his work good? He has a pretty doozy of a DUI. Like he was like.15. I heard he's a dickhead. He's a dickhead, I've heard. His body of work? At one point in 1994, he had the number one movie, He was like.15. I heard he's a dickhead. He's a dickhead I've heard.

His body of work? At one point in 1994, he had the number one movie, the number one TV show, and the number one book. Santa Claus, Home Improvement, was his book. And then something about, don't look at me while I'm naked. Oh, he used to run with Chris Rock. He was like a dirty comic.

And he flashed Pamela Anderson. His penis, he flash to run with like Chris Rock. He was like a dirty comic. Mm-hmm And he uh, he flashed Pamela Anderson his penis. He flashed his penis. It's ass backwards Dude flashing always That dude flashings funny why chick flashings hot as shit hot as shit. So I guess he flashed her and he was like, uh Was our art he said now we're even Because he's seen her naked. Then according to Pamela, Tim Dick was all embarrassed about it afterwards. It was on set of Home Improvement.

Oh yeah, because she was on that show. Yeah, her first day he flashed her and said, now we're even. Then ran off like a schoolboy, and he was blushing and all embarrassed. Showing Pam Anderson your cock and then being like, like, Teeheeing is hilarious. Um, yeah, he's worth like a half a billion I think. What? He was in that awesome space movie, I forget what, uh, with like Snape. Snape?

The guy that played Snape. Yeah. I don't have a big, I don't know, I don't know much about Tim now, and I never watched home improvement Galaxy Quest so sick Does it sound like good? Yeah? It was really good. It was about like a TV show like Star Trek But these aliens were watching it thinking he was it was a real thing and so they abducted Aliens abducted the cast of this show to save the world Well to save their like alien world unbelievable. What is he doing now? No believe believe it You don't believe that that could be the plot of a movie no Yeah, you just can't make that shit up

And we got a we got a murderer murderers row of birthdays today. So we have Elvis. Great. Stephen Hawking. Okay. Kim Jong-un. Whoa. You guys tell me, you rank these men in order of who you'd want your ex's next man to be. And in this hypothetical, you think you still have a chance.

You think she's still feeling you. Well, I would say, you said Stephen Hawking? Mm-hmm. You would say him think she's still feeling you well. I would say you said Stephen Hawking mm-hmm You would say him because he's not beating that up Yeah, but he can have a robotic cock and also that could like really pummel famously cheated on his girlfriend. He did which is It's insane Caught before he was a contorted mole rat or during He cheated when he was bound like that and his if you see the videos of him his chair Is not fast no at all. He didn't even have a

Yeah Apparently but like I'd imagine he assembled some sort of robo cock that had him fucking like a theragun into interdimensionally I mean he revolutionized black holes. Yeah, right. He's made a bunch of black holes Yeah, I don't know Hawking has two divorces Got half his shit. Oh my god, he was obsessed with holes That was his peak. So I guess but like if he how'd he get he probably got caught cheating very easily, right? Yeah, he was like wasn't me and then does he have to ask his wife to scrub like the other pussy smell off of him I don't get I don't get it That would be ideal to be in like an argument like that out of nowhere

Like you get caught cheating and like he has plenty of time to think of lies. Oh, yeah He has all kinds of time, but like she also can't she'd be like you sound like you're lying He said like he there's no, you can't read him. You cannot read him. You can't read him. No. But I wouldn't want my girl to follow up me with Stephen Hawking.

I think that's the number one. It's like, oh, it'll be the same type? Does she, oh yeah, is that? Elvis would, you'd be too jealous, especially if you wanted her back. Because there's no way after Elvis. You can't, yeah, and Elvis would be the'd be too jealous, especially if you wanted her back, because there's no way after Elvis. You can't, yeah, and Elvis would be the pinnacle. Like he's, yeah.

Hawking, Steve Hawk, no, it's like, that's her type. Do you call him Steve Hawk, like he's related to Tony? And then Kimmy would be like, oh, who was I dating? A monster? So I don't know, it's a tough one. I think I would want her to be the most unhappy, right? And so I'm assuming she'd have to live in North Korea, which you don't think is that bad.

Yeah, I got some shit for that. Did you get some shit for that? I did. Who? I think it's like, as far as materials and build, I don't know. Yeah. It probably stinks, yeah. It probably stinks. probably stink it definitely you're gonna get shit for saying North Korea probably stinks, but it like her being with own I

Don't know like I don't I Think I might have to go with Elvis because that we feel like I'm on the same level right now You're competing, but you want her back more than anything. She's the only person Elvis would cheat Yeah, Elvis Elvis would cheat wallop. Yeah, he'd wallop so Elvis then I think un I think Hawking would be the last just because I Don't know Mm-hmm. I don't worst case would be if you what if she if she like comes crying to you and She has like tire tracks on her. What did he do?

Who did this to you and she has like tire tracks on her. What did he do? You're still too afraid to like try to do it. Yeah, I'm gonna beat his ass. Well, he's fucking right there Right here pussy Him I'm right here pussy Do something And then you're just like covered in tire tracks beats the fuck does he reversing back and forth on you then Yeah, he shows up in a monster truck dude. He could be in a mech suit. Yeah. He's basically a battle bot Yeah, he really is You're gonna say even worse though is that she go your girlfriend goes to Stephen Hawking and he's able-bodied This hypothetical that and then she does this to him. Oh, that's so she fucks him into it

I think the worst-case scenario would be like you get her back from Steve and then like you're making love and she says his name It's like in what way does this remind you of Steve? One of your strokes was Stephen Hawking-ish. Yeah, like that one stroke was a little Stephen Hawking-ish. Was it good or was it like, what was it? Yes, Elvis is one, Oon is two because of able-bodied and successful. Yeah, very. Very successful. Yeah. Very. Very successful. And the third, yeah, Hawking.

Steve Hawking. Speaking of like bad dudes, I've been looking into Osama Bin Laden's hard drive that they recovered. Was there like a picture of Peter Griffin? He had so many strange pictures. Tony Soprano with SpongeBob. That's one he had on there, like was Tony soprano soprano squeeze in spongebob's nose

But my favorite one is Avril Lavigne beans She has a picture with he had a picture of what does that mean beans from even Stevens? Oh? And he's wearing like a Colorado buffs Jersey tucked into a belt that was like had diamonds around it He had the marquee belt that you could program to say shit on it And the other picture both of those pictures are hilarious And like why did why did us yeah his hard drive was how let he had really good taste yeah in JPEGs Yeah, that's where it ends. He all didn't have like a bunch of porn He had a ton of porn

But he had like a bunch of like photos, and then his son looks like he's in System of a Down. Have you seen Osamu Lan's rock star son? And he lives in France. He looks like a king from the majors. He's got a goth son. Wait, what's this picture he had? Oh, is that the Angry Video Game Nerd?

No, that's a video game guy. Yeah, that's the Angry Video Game Nerd. It's saved on his hard drive. OBL had that picture. He just has the same sense of humor as you. Yeah Dude he had the angry video game nerd. He had Charlie bit me. He had to have had peanut butter baby. For sure. And just him like laughing so hard. In that hideout house, he probably had some times. Yeah, he was probably like on stumble upon, E-bombs.

He probably had some times. Yeah, he was probably like on Stumble Upon, E-Bombs. He was playing Sim Day and Night, looking at the pussy. He was playing Pussier Meat on E-Bombs World. Yeah. Yeah, no, but his son is an artist that lives in France. That... It's just a very bizarre life that he has. He's doing well?

I think so. But yeah, he dresses like a goth and does art. He's tall. Yeah, he looks like he looks like He's in system of a down. He always has either a ponytail or dreadlocks or both So what's been London's son not song? Yeah, dude. Oh It looks like a cool. Look at that. Look at the second one He looks sweet. He looks like he's amazing. He looks like an Adam Sandler side character looks like Kenny Powers done. He has dreads. Mm-hmm Yeah, yeah, he looks like a villain in an Adam Sandler. What's his son's name? I?

Think he had a lot of sons. You know how those guys operate Omar bin Laden that's a tough one. Yeah, that's a tough last name real. Yeah It's just like you find out your your daughter's dating a dude named Omar and you're like, oh no, I think It's not no no dad, it's it's Omar bin Laden. Oh Thank God, oh honey No, dad, it's it's Omar bin Laden It's just oh Were they that were they congruent? Yeah, cuz it all ended in 2011 at his dad He had a gaggle of them in the house. I think I mean he was tall I think one of them got killed. Yeah, one of? One of the sons in the capture, yeah.

I think one of somebody's, some dictator's son got killed like by a spy with a blow dart in an airport. It was sick. That's, yeah, that's the coolest thing. Yeah. Yeah, Bin Laden's a brutal last name. Horrible.

There was a, there's like a, there has been this big chunk of frozen spaghetti outside of my apartment. Right? That's a pretty good natural segue. Dude, why are his lips perfect? Asam Bin Laden has good ass lips. Look at those.

He has a nice chin too. Oh my God, tall. Yeah, I was gonna not even continue with the spaghetti. No, you have a big chunk of frozen spaghetti? I don't think it's, yeah. No, please do. It just bothered me, because it was there for days, and then today, it was half gone.

So somebody just cleaned up half of it. All right, I'll do half if somebody else does half. Well, it was frozen solid? Yeah, spaghetti. Sorry, man. Yeah, spaghetti. Sorry, man. You, over Christmas break, dug deep into some of,

you rifled through some of your old stuff. Some of your childhood stuff. I found my old notebooks, my sketchbooks. So we've talked about your Goblin Journal years ago. This was a book of your poetry. Some poetry, some some sketches some musings You haven't changed one bit yeah, and like you have these characters were they your friends? And are any do any of these characters live in New Plattson? No, this is pre-new Plattson This is when I was like seven you write seven or eight. It was 2001 2002 okay, so yeah

And I didn't despise the content like I was like This is like decent content like when you looked through over Christ. Yeah, you sent some stuff to us, and it was haunting some some was Some was concerning yeah, yeah, so one was concerning to the thought. I was certain you were molested unless yeah, okay? I mean to the thought I was certain you were molested. Molested, yeah, okay. Wait, Kyle, you were seven or eight? I was, yeah, I was good at drawing. I had to just look at the picture. So those were the two gun things. That's your takeaway, I was good at drawing. But dude, is the guy you're shooting holding a surfboard

or is that in a priest garb? Oh, that's interesting. I would assume surfboard based on the shape, but, mm-hmm, so had a gun phase Good I know Rudy's take away was that it's just concerning, but now it's good It's more good than concerning there's one on the left is more concerning the poem where I mentioned guns was concerned Oh, wait, so you sent some photos? Mm-hmm. Is that the gun one?

I tied my shoes on my own no No one seems to care that I tied my shoes on my own no one seems to care that I brushed my own hair No one seems to care that I hit a home run. No one seems to care that I learned not to play with a gun. No one seemed to care that I hit a grand slam. No one seemed to care that that ball did go wham. No one seems to care that I got an A plus on my math test. No one seems to care that on my football team I'm the best. All caps, does anybody care about me? Dude, so it's all about baseball with one gun line. I learned not to play with a gun

I think I remember that but did you sign it will care very much about and it was the one that they were I'm sure there were people elated that you learned not to You were fucked up many people cared about does anybody look at those look at that row I thought I was a star and I didn't feel bad from my beard. It was all about baseball, they're just like nobody cares that I was never taught, or no, you were taught to not play. I unlearned how to play with a gun, yeah.

It took a lot of scaffolding therapy to find. What's scaffolding therapy? So I gradually had to learn to hate the handle. So every time I touched the handle You had a really good childhood. Did you not mm-hmm unless you're suppressing some all the privileges Did you ever hit a grand slam no okay? No, so this is fiction. It's fiction What else did you what else did you have in there? There was one poem about, yeah, this one is really weird.

Yeah, this one can be perceived as weird. Okay, well, the title is I Saw Him in the Bathtub. So tough start. Yeah, because that implies naked man, but we don't know the age. Okay, we'll see where this goes. Okay. I saw him in the bathtub

I saw him soap and rub. I Saw him in the bath and I started to laugh. I Saw him wash his hair He must not see me stare. I saw soap behind his ear and I Accidentally saw his rear and I accidentally saw his rear. I don't think he ever noticed that I saw him in the bathtub and I saw him soap and rub. There's multiple ways to look at this.

I was seven and a half, eight years old. But I don't think you're using metaphor for this was not an allegory towards anything. I think this was quite literal. In a weird way, though, with the way that you're describing this you are The one who's you're being a creep you're the assaulter Yeah, I never even applied it. I never implied it was accidental did I you accidentally saw it here? Yeah, we wanted to watch everything But by you saying you actually saw his rear it implies everything else is intentional mm-hmm Do you the inspiration?

I don't know. And that is like five or six year old handwriting maybe. Yeah, this was the late 90s when like bath, like the parents were bathing everyone. Like you had friends come over for sleep, everything. You guys, we would share, like I'd go to Shelton's house, we'd both get baths. Would you sit in the bathtub together?

Yes. Yeah, I did that, I remember. And like the parents would wash you both. Mm-hmm. Really? Yeah. Did I do that? Probably.

I don't know. Moog, did you? Ah. Going over to a friend's bath time, mom washed you, washed your hair? I think cousins. I don't know about friends. OK. Yeah.

OK. Here's one. What's this one? Unknown words? I've never seen unknown words. Oh, you're making up words. Yeah. What are some of these? from you from our dad with two D's alone Ian you just

invented crawdad with two D's what is I don't know fesco brudette nebodian I Besty Frequence well I like for quince's not once can can make some some moves can ask labo dia l'Eurist a Lizar Busting pissanawi oh Man you can just fly through these yeah, I'm just very curious. Who's that? I just had some care. That's Kareem Abdul Jabbar Fly through these. Yeah, I'm just very curious. Who's that? I just had some character. That's Kareem Abdul Jabbar Yeah, you were you a fan I must have always loved him So did you do when you were doing this? Do you remember like presenting these no? This is for me. You just did it for you. You've met you haven't changed since you were seven. I still love Kareem

What is this? This is Nick. Oh, this is, I was looking at this one. This is your discovery of alliteration. I must have always loved it, yeah. You made a chart if there was a guy named Alex, he would be with, he'd be an archeologist married to Ali. Name, job, and wife, yeah.

All right, what's N? Nick. Yeah. Nurse and Nancy. Richard, I don't know what that job is. Job and wife yeah, all right. What's n Nick yeah nurse and Nancy? Richard I Don't know what that job is race car driver Ren Ren Stevens Sean singer ulysses wait. What's his job some utter delight? I'm gonna be all couldn't do this now Wait Rudy Rudy look at me try to do it it. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, male name, wife job.

Alex is an actor named Mary to Alice. He can do it. Do give him a hard one. Oh, thank you guys. R. R, Randy, married to a radiologist, or is a radiologist, and is married to Rihanna. Okay. Yeah, you can do it. Yeah, I think everybody could do it Okay, but wait. What was Ulysses?

What did he worked for utter delight? What's utter delight? That's gotta be a chocolate milk Brand it's gotta be a chocolate What'd you do for yourself Vinny is a value city worker and Wally is a Wallace? jeweler worker Sarah Tyler toy seller Tina he doesn't have it you skipped acts and Z didn't know about the X can't be done Xavier xylophone xylophone

x-ray technician x-ray technician And then he's married to Xena Xena you idiot Kyle Kyle's future furniture worker fridge Kyle works at Kyle's furniture. Yeah Why did I Everyone could just be Eric Eric's furniture I Everyone could just be Eric Eric's furniture Okay, was there an actual Kyle furniture that you knew of or did you I think there must have been right? Right a couple more pictures here. What do you have? depiction of time

That was just called time. Yeah explain this one This is I was in a phase of agony where time seemed to go ever so slow And that's what an hour felt this is because of church isn't it it had to have been yeah? That was my depiction of a church hour That's Kyle's church hour, and so there's 30 Four hours in a day 24 hours 10 extra hours. Yeah, just a crazy day to think of god damn. What time is it on that? 17 o'clock Do this is I Stevie eggs I

Just had random character a smart geek that likes to read and write Stevie eggs do you remember any other characters? sycamore Bradley just speed through them, okay? I'm very intrigued by your if I young you That is celeste rush It's a good name No little kid thinks of the first name celeste you wasted all your creativity on the name. I did Because Celeste Rush wasn't like he's not gonna move the needle with his appearance

He's a thinker he's cerebral Golf I don't I didn't get 60% underground And I drew a picture like a tee that is pretty accurately 60% So dude, that's a cool t-shirt like if we get we should sell golf merches as golf 60% underground Yeah, what what the message is yeah? like Just when you think of golf, you think of that. That's really good for a kid.

That's how I, you know, analyze golf. 60% underground. Oh my god. What is this? Long neck Peterson and long neck Harrison? You were ahead of your time. Yeah, you were. These are funny. Those would be characters. Yeah, those could be character

Those could be characters Let's That is a Boy with a mohawk okay, I'm sorry for the audio listeners like it draws inspiration from my price Scott Farkas, okay But he says let's razzle Highly unusual guy he's an ace man. Mm-hmm. Is that what makes him unusual? I don't know I Don't know You had hundreds of these so many

Is that all of them? I got more. I'm gonna show a little more. I'm sorry again I'm sorry for the uh Shit that's yeah, is that surely temple? Who's that? I spent so much time with her so I had I had a devilish crush on one of the American Girl dolls But you said was your first now. You said it was your first time. I like they were real love It's I remember you bring that up. I thought it was a first time feeling real love. I remember you bringing that up. I thought it was a joke.

It's not really creepy because I was seven or eight. Who was the American girl? I liked them all, but Felicity and Kit, I think. And I would sneak into my sister's room to have dates with them and kiss them. And is that one of them? And I was like, I I'm gonna draw you today And that's my best Joking you said you had a real connection with Felicity I

Didn't say I wasn't like oh, I know this is like a mutual human connection, but did you love her? I felt a strong Lust I was really attracted to her they did a good job These weren't cabbage patch girls they looked real You had a sex doll we gotta get a felicity in here Yeah, I think I found Kyle's first blog first blog. Oh What is this? Oh movie rankings bad fair good? You didn't yes, but it's cut off All right, let's do the animal was a three-star. That's fair princess diaries is for legally bought is for

snow dogs is for What's bad Toy Story is a two? But Toy Story 2 is a four Star Wars is a three Atlantis is a five fuck. Yeah, dude. That's my favorite. That's a good one agreed Shrek is a five I agree I Don't know what to make of this. He seems like you're more critical than Jeff D. Low is to movies I don't know what to make of this he seems like you're more critical than Jeff D. Low is to movies The deformed Douglas's that's right. It's the show I pitched

Trampoline one of them has a perfect cock for a nose. They're all deformed. One of them has a hair... It's like a... 8pm on Fox. You got prime time? Dude, the deformed Douglas's. Do you remember the premise or do you have any plots or anything? No. I don't know what... yeah.

Oh dude, that's so funny. I don't think I have anything like this. I have similar shit I think I might I'm gonna have to look at mine. I think was all a video based You were doing like my videos. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, but I probably have some I'll have to look Yeah, you got a lot. I think I was making a poke you had definitely had Equivalent I think so. I have a lot I'll have to look. Yeah, you gotta look. I think I was making a Pokemon. You definitely had equivalent. I think so, yeah.

I have a lot of shit like this. You do too, yeah. We were boys, we didn't have technology, no tablets. No, that's all you could do. But yours, yours were unique. I don't know. Yours were advanced. What was, what's Sycamore's name?

Sycamore Bradley. Sycamore Bradley? I don't know. You said he was your favorite. I don't know Is you taking the glasses off signify that you're done talking about it Oh My god, all right guys small little break to talk to you about One of my favorite apps. That's the game time app

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with the new Game Time picks. What time is it? Game Time. SSRIs, when I did it for a year, and my dick was like, if you- Linguini. Kept pasta on the stove on high heat for a century. That's how unfair this life is.

Everything is like a trade-off. Nothing is just good. I hate that. I always, it's like, that makes me think that like, There is like a humorous gunshot. Actually it's kind of like, It's damn near reassuring. Reassuring that it's, it's a system.

Yeah, it's like, oh you're very sad. Take this pill, but then it's going to take away the one thing that makes you happy. The most playful thing. It's like the same thing with, if you take finasteride, there's like a 10% chance your dick doesn't work. Yeah, and the whole reason you want your hair is so you can use your dick. Right. Mm-hmm.

Nothing is just awesome. It's so annoying. Take drugs, the come down is bad. Yes. Or you die, or you're addicted to drugs. Yep. Yeah, food. Cheese has a pretty...

Oh, fuck. Yeah, well. Food. Cheese has a pretty. Yeah, well, now I see what she's did to me. But yeah, food is like the best foods, you know, make you fat. Is there anything that's that's just great? And I'm tempted to say like working out, but no, no, because that's like, but then you're like, what? I guess I mean, I'm tempted to maybe say working out fuck you overall net pause fuck you But it doesn't it's not like oh my god. This feels so good. Maybe like a spearmint gum But a sugar in it sugar-free spearmint gum

There's nothing It's what's purely just good? Tyler Toney. Who's Tyler Toney? So, I had the Dude Perfect guys pegged completely wrong. They're all Mormon guys that instead of drinking just got good with ping pong. I think they're Christian, but yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah, it's like, I always thought they were like

30 year olds who make trick shot videos for really cool third graders, okay? Are they are there 37, but yeah, they make videos for kids with like arm sleeves and wear under armor Yeah, it's like really ten and under all-star baseball teams Barstool for altar boys It's like imagine dragons played arcade games instead of music, okay, and that's what they are, but I didn't realize that Tyler Tony is a literal perfect dude Tyler Tony people are online arguing if he's the most talented person in the world Tyler Tony

Yes, you can go to his fan fandom bio. This guy, he's a god. Tyler Tony fandom? Okay, what do you know about... Is he the main... did he start Dude Perfect? He's the youngest one. He's the youngest dude? Yes.

So, he's the leader of Dude Perfect. He performs all the intros and outros. Wow has the most battle wins Is that what they call their he takes on multiple roles most notably the ever-recurring rage monster With Tyler considered the best DP member in the group Tyler has won the most of 32 battles He's won 27 solo battles, which is more than double the amount of anyone else in Dude Perfect. He has several Guinness World Records. Farthest distance to hit and catch a golf ball. Farthest distance to hit a target while looking in a mirror. And he has the longest throw of a golf ball. A golf club.

What? He has completed the first absurd record of 140 foot Lego walk. What's his cool not cool record? I saw a thread, people, they said is Tyler Toney the most talented dude in the world. He can literally do anything whether it's a legit skill or a wacky skill. He just flipped a cake six times and caught it with ease. He kicked a what? He flipped a cake six times and caught it with ease. He kicked a what? He flipped a cake six times and caught it with ease.

Oh, that seals it. Oh my God. That fucking seals it. Oh, this is that dude. Perfect subreddit. The Tyler Tony. Oh wait, this is the one you were talking about. Yeah. Wait, well, I want to see what the cool not cool. What was that? Yeah. What's the cool not cool chart?

He has hardly any not cools. I think it's on that. Yeah, that's yeah. What does he have not cool in? Nose warmer and corn donut. I don't want to be cool in either of those. No, they go through that. Those are the videos, the challenges they do,

and someone deems whether they were cool or not in it. I don't know. He's been on Wheel Unfortunate three times. Then there's like these twins favorite movies, Elf. Yeah, he rocks. He rocks. I think it'd be really funny if like their fans, like their eight yearold fans just started aggressively

sexualizing them He taught another man's son how to pound in the comments like he's just All the comments are them getting sexualized. No wait, that would be funny. That would be funny. Yes And how they I've never seen a dude perfect video actually I And how that I've never seen a dude perfect video actually I Remember when they first like forever go when I was like maybe like 16 or something I watched a few of them, and then I realized that It's probably for kids, but they are impressive. I get the appeal like they're very watchable 60 million subs

Mm-hmm Yeah They have a they have a compound that looks like a futuristic spaceship. Yeah, they're all absurdly wealthy, right? Oh, for sure, yeah. They have like a... Oh, it does look just like a spaceship. It looks like the Avengers building.

It's like Stark Tower. $100 million? That is crazy. Yeah. Damn, good for Tyler Toney. Good for him know who are the other guys there's two twins as there should be no shit do I know too yeah Colby and I don't know hmm hey what's up stinky uh-huh I bet you didn't like that I wouldn't either, but that would never happen to me because I use Mando the full body deodorant.

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Well, today is January 8th. Okay. And on January 8th, 1992 was the infamous HW Bush vomiting incident. I don't know about HW vomiting. I didn't either. I wouldn't have guessed he did. HW is the senior. Yeah. So he went to Japan for,

you know, to just get some new clothes and shit like that. And I went there to like see the prime minister or whatever. And during a dinner, he said he was kind of feeling sick and then he comically vomits. Is it on camera? Yes. Directly into the prime minister's

lap and then Barbara Bush, Barbara Bush tries to cover up his mouth and there is puke spewing just spurting Yeah, it is it is one of the most like violent like I didn't know this comical like it was like a comic Oh, he does he looks like he doesn't feel good. Yes. Oh Where's the puke? You can see it like pours out of his mouth. I mean he's sick sick. Oh Yeah, see you got assassinated. Yeah, it does

Yes, so that was like a conspiracy theory But you got to see when Barbara comes in her old ass doing the opposite of what Jackie Kennedy did oh She's she looks like she's like kidding manhandling that boy Why is he also dying yeah usually oh yeah throw up oh This is bad. Then this is he full-on. What was this? 1992 so he was not even that old 67 To 67 years old he keeps falling yes, and he fainted and then he apparently told the Secret Service Which I can't understand this he says just roll me under the table till the dinner's done.

He was delusional. He was crazy. He was like, I've been that sick before where I'm just that is like, yeah. And it was a tough one to throw up because this was after the second course, which was raw salmon and and caviar. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a nasty puke. They hit him with the fish eggs and the full grown adult fish. And, but then afterwards, some random dildo in Idaho or Iowa or some shit called CNN and was like, yo, I'm the president's doctor.

And just, and they were like, oh, okay, cool. And he's like, yeah, he died, killed, dead. Did they run with it? And then they're like on a live broadcast and the anchor is like we've just gotten news that the president has in fact And then this intern is just like no Stop stop stop and he deaded it right there But like like it's like that same thing is like even in the 90s some random you could just do that I could call and say I have a tip. Yeah, that's crazy Uh-huh, you could just do that now on Twitter you people believe anything. That's a good point. That's fair enough

But yeah, no, I was trying to figure out like in a perfect world Like what would make him puke and faint like that outside of just being I think he saw his first Maybe he was by a window and some he saw his first hentai. So first anime chick. That's right This is what we've been working on. That's their new tech new tech is hentai. He saw his first anime chick. That's right. The Prime Minister said, this is what we've been working on. And it's like the first... That's their new tech. The new tech is hentai tentacle porn. Dude, I wanna see like a Japanese Steve Jobs

pitching like an anime chick with like bigger titties. Yeah, read something really exciting. You guys see this? Unveil it. Unveiling, it's like, what if I told you we took giant titties, a perfect ass, and she's cartoon.

We have taken Nvidia's technology and completely revolutionized jiggle physics I remember I watched this video on why Japanese dudes are like into cartoon chicks because it was like it was like this camera set up in like an anime Entie shop like it was like a body pillow store, and they were just like there's so much cleaner Cartoon chick yeah They do make them look sterile and they were just like, they're so much cleaner. Cartoon chicks? Yeah. They do make them look sterile.

Yeah. Yeah. Like squeaky clean. Yeah, too clean, like a hospital. They sparkle. They do sparkle. They sparkle. Tit glare is unobtainable, right? I've never seen it.

Yeah, right. It's not naturally occurring. If I did, I would gasp. Yeah. Like if I was at a pool or at any kind of like outer thing and I saw a glare off a boob, I would audibly. This must be an anime thing. Yeah. Every single and every single anime breast is is glowing. And also the guys in them always will gasp in an awe.

Yeah. Look at that. Yeah, I'm not into it. Me either. Sue me. Yeah, look at that Yeah, I'm not into it Let me either sue me But you had a you had an anime you had an anime hentai reaction when we saw the boobs pressed against a glass of beer Pouring over him. Yeah, what was that? No, he never saw it you you brought it It was something that happened to you the press titty Who was that I P-p-p-p-p-p-p-pressed titty? P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pressed titty? Who was that?

Oh, my God. I-I... Anime tropes are funny. The main character is always running late, and they have, like, a piece of bread in their mouth, like, toast. Yes. They always get nosebleeds when they see hot chicks. Yeah.

And, uh... And the guys are always like, I can't believe... Like, they're, like, ooh, like, I can't believe this is happening. Please no. And, like, the hottest chick that's ever existed. Oh, this is you with the pressed titties. They don't, yeah. Pressed titty ham. Oh, it's great. I love't believe this is happening. Please know. And like the hottest chick that's ever. Oh, this is you with the press. Titty. Oh, it's great. I love a press.

Oh, it's great. It's great. When you yeah, when you see the physics of that expressed on glass. Yeah. And a girl did that. We were literally right behind us all of a sudden out of the blue. Just put them against the glass and then her friend poured a beer on it. And it stunned us. You saw a pressed wet. Put then her friend poured a beer on it and it stunned us But yeah, no, I mean they're just continuously like pushing the envelope, the Japanese, when it comes to like animated porn.

It's incredible, they get that like, the tentacle thing kind of seems old now. Yeah, they're really advanced. Did you see there was a guy? Nah, nevermind. There was just some anime clips I saw that were pretty funny. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter at all. I'm gonna be ousted as a sicko.

I don't be ousted as a sick puppy. It's okay. You can be sick. Nah, there's some funny anime gifs. Kyle was drawing guns at eight years old. Yeah, I was never drawing sex. I was drawing a lot of dicks. I was drawing a lot of dicks.

Yeah, you were dicks. I don't know. I mean, I was probably remarkably uncreative and I was just trying to do like, I remember the only thing I really tried to do that was so stupid. You were drawing hockey logos. I was probably doing hockey logos in the ass.

I remember one time I woke up when I was like six and I was like, I You were drawing hockey logos. I was probably doing hockey logos in the ass I remember one time I had it I woke up when I was like six and I was like I really want a front flip and So I went out in the yard and I did a front flip for an hour and I landed on my tailbone like 60 times And I was actually tried I'm trying is really always a way too lofty goals Like I was like I'm gonna build a house and I would get like wood and nails and hammers I was always taking tools out into the woods. What am I going to do now? I, uh, one day I was like, I need to build a dirt bike track. I was obsessed with making like trails in the woods.

I didn't have a dirt bike. That was always in the woods. But I figured if I built a track, maybe, yeah. Dude, you want to talk about lofty goals. I was obsessed with Dragon Ball Z. And I thought that if I just tried to come, I had made her hard enough. I could. So I also went to theamehameha hard enough, I could.

So I also went to the front lawn and just was like, coming, and I would just do that. I used to try to, you were honestly believing. I used to try to sleep, like I thought it would be like cool if I like slept like when they got like hit into a rock. So as a kid, like I was like Dragon Ball Z,

so like, can you pull up like Yamcha lying down? You used to sleep like someone who got hit in a rock?omcha Dragon Ball Z hit you lying down. Yeah, I Used to try to like lay down like I got hit like and I thought and I would like I would stack up pillows like Boulders, what was your long-term goal and short-term? I just thought it like was cool I thought like you want to see what I was pretending that I got hit by like Frieza I can relate to that and I was like laying just like I was laying like I got hit by like Frieza. I can relate to that. And I was like laying, just like, I was laying like a Dragon Ball Z character all the time. I had a weird thing with that too.

I remember I broke my wrist when I was four, I think, three or four, it may be like my first memory. But what I was doing was I read a picture book or I saw a picture book of a kid laying on top of a couch like where your neck goes, and he was sipping an apple juice, and I was like, damn, that is so cool. Yeah.

And so I did it, and I fucking slid off the back and broke my arm. You couldn't even do that. I broke my arm really badly in kindergarten, like bulging out, because I did a somersault on carpet. That shattered my arm. Wait, how old are you? Kindergarten. Did they separate your, my arm. How old are you? Kindergarten.

Do they separate your did they think your parents beat you? No, they didn't pull me aside for that. I don't remember, but my mom told me that they apparently it's like if a kid breaks their arm, it's weird because their bones are like soft, I guess, or something. And then typically it's because

like the parents have done something. They separate you and like make you compare stories. They knew it wasn't the parents because it was them. Who beat me, yeah. Oh. Our staff would beat you. Did you ever get beat by any of the staff?

Of where? At school. I got hit by a door by the gym teacher because he was mad because we, yeah, not beat. There were fits of rage that I was near but I never got beat. No you did I suppose I shouldn't say that if it didn't happen But like I think like we were one generation away from getting beat at Catholic school I bet you a lot of our teachers have beat. Yes, but they were like they were withdrawing. I saw a lot of our teachers have beat. Yes, they were withdrawing. I saw a lot of truly, truly angered teachers.

They were miserable. Somebody in my class was absolutely brutal to our librarian. We were horrible. We were so sexual. Yes. That's all it was. We just humped everything.

I was just gonna say say, one of, I remember one of the guys in our class wasn't allowed to bring home a Choose Your Own Adventure Goosebumps. And so he like yelled her name and she was just humping. He was humping the books, she wouldn't let him check out. Like. Yeah.

Like everybody was humping. We humped everything. Like imagine being like a 25 year old teacher making $12,000 a year at a Catholic grade school. It was probably like 10. Yeah $12,000 a year at a Catholic grade school. It was probably like 10. 10,000 a year and you got this class of third graders and they just won't, they're just humping every day. Yeah, they're just humping and you're just like,

all right, your punishment for humping is you can't check out the library. And you have to punish them for humping. You have to tell the parents that your son was humping. You have to tell the principal, like we have a hump incident. So my grade was a year above you. They were obsessed with mooning.

That was a slightly older kid thing. Yes, and we would moon, like our teachers. Like we'd show our boy asses. Yeah, and then what do you do? You don't wanna be like the boy ass police. Right. As an adult. As an adult, just be like, hey.

Here's all the boy asses I saw today if you wanna do something about this. You can't be doing that. But it was almost like a threat. Like, it almost worked. But you can't be reporting boy ass. You can't. Yeah, it's tough.

So we just got away with it. You guys got away with it. We got away with it, yeah. I'd rather negotiate a hostage situation than deal with 14 Catholic kids humping up. A nightmare. Yeah, just humping. Hypersexual boys.

It's like, do you ignore it so it gets worse, or do you have to keep? Reporting it I remember the time when like my friends like kids in my school would just take their nutsack and put it above their their belt Walk around yeah, I Don't have the elasticity for that ever. Oh, I remember being like that's do that I Was never a dick shower. I was never a dick shower Neither was I I can't tell you one homie that's seen my dick really yeah, I got tons No, that's gay Oh, I went through a dick showing phase you're showing dick and it got shut down fast well

You go mook We were those singlets for a bonus episode yesterday, and we pretty much saw your dick you saw you saw my penis Mm-hmm you saw all of it. They're blurring it cuz like they had the stool scenes cameras in here Viva TV my apologies for solely and Yeah, we saw we saw it, we saw it, whatever. Do you have any words to say about it? Nope, I know you have a lot though. No, I don't want to unless you say it. Doesn't take many words.

I have a small red penis. I have a tiny red dick. No, no, it's not small, it is minuscule. There's not much life to it. I think it was because because I should have gotten you an extra large singlet. I think you compressed it like an accordion. That's how it worked.

That's so, so normal. You go to any youth wrestling tournament, you see the same thing. KV, I've been to one and they had bigger pieces than me. I think yours was, it's cold in here. It was way too tight on you So I think like if you had a one size up you'd be able to dangle more my balls looked huge But the no they just had the luxury of being next to your penis

It was tough and I put in the group chat for you guys to see and like, you know have for yourself and Malisek I'm a dilly the mouse I just he zoomed zoomed right in to it was a red dot reticle. Yeah, it's What did you someone said? I said it belongs on an Indian's forehead Tiny red penis and I'm not ashamed of it. No, no it it was the singlet But I I am glad it does not live on the internet anywhere. Thank God. Mm-hmm Just peace. I mean to be fair. None of our dicks looked none of our dicks look good None of our dicks look good, but like our dicks looked none of us None of our dicks look good. None of our dicks looked.

None of our dicks looked. There was not a lot of visual evidence. I thought you guys were at least lying. I thought you were helping me feel better when we joined in. I guess a lot of dudes are like that. Maybe. Dana brags about it. Yeah, his is bad, but yours looked just like the top of a Gatorade bottle.

Yeah, his is bad, but yours looked just like the top of a Gatorade bottle. Yeah, his is bad, but yours looked just like the top of a Gatorade bottle. That's exactly what you're doing. And when it gets hard. It's like it's the same thing like when you get ready to drink it Oh the squeeze top. Yeah Yeah That's what makes arouse same noise No, I If I was wearing a different I had the black singlet on so you couldn't really see I would have been mine would have

been worse It was so it was so pressed. It was so You know, the thing is you know, it's small right and and then it it gets on camera and then you're like, oh man Yeah you know And then you're like oh, man. Yeah You know Yeah, it's tough like cuz like the only I've like I've really only seen my dick from this I've only seen my dick from POV. Uh-huh. Yeah, and then seeing it from afar It's like you're looking at like a person from outer space. It's like it's like

It was like searching for the Great Wall of China From the ISS. I think that's it. I was just happy it was there, man. That's all. I'm happy to be here. We're blessed. We are blessed.

But bonus week. Yeah, we have bonus week coming out next week. I'm really excited about it. We did some cool stuff, I think. I'm really excited for it did some cool stuff, I think. I'm really excited for it. Yeah, yeah. Anything else? I'll take that as a no. All right, God bless.