A New Untold Story - Queens in Different States - A New Untold Story: Ep. 331

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

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Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. It's a fresh, big, untold story. A new, untold story. Welcome back to a new, untold story. We're back in the studio this time which is good we got the yeah it feels right we got mook on the ones and twos now it feels right it was it was rushed last week and i'm sorry for that it was like last week was just squeezing things in whenever you could yeah that was uh

apologies yeah um what episode number are we on? 331. 331? And apologies for that. The fact that I flubbed the 330. What do you mean you flubbed the 330? I just didn't even consider it as an area code, an area code that I lived in for seven plus years. Yeah.

That's a big flub. Yeah. So we'll get to that. We're going to get to the 331. It's 331. The episode is 331're gonna get to the 331 it's 331 the episode is 331 no area code i think it's an overlay for like the naperville elmhurst area we're not we're not gonna waste time on overlays no they'll have their chance down the road in the 500s overlays will overlays will is that no no the other like the this is the auxiliary area code. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Touching that.

We're doing three three out today. Yeah. OK. Do you want to get to that now or do you want to housekeeping first? I don't like going in to. Yeah. Let's do a little housekeeping. Rudy, what are you doing?

Is this housekeeping? I'm I'm I'm I'm looking up area codes right now. I think this is the first time we're going to talk about it on camera, but it's become a little bit of a nuisance. You are always doing one thing. Oh, Rudy's always doing one thing. Yeah. Every time I walk past your desk, you're making a thumbnail of yourself.

You're Photoshopping your face on a God, a literal God, an actual God's body. It's always a Spartan or a God. If we replaced your monitor with a mirror, I think it would take you 24 minutes to notice. I can't argue with this. Dude, I got a picture of Rudy and he was working on, he had like 90 photos of him on his computer, all different, slightly. I'm trying, I mean, I don't have a PR team, so I have to do what I can for myself. You got to do what you can for yourself.

It's admirable. I can't even argue it. Like I catch my, at a young age, I would, I I i'm always just like very it's not even like a ego thing like a lot of times i look at myself and i'm like but i can't not look at myself because it's just like a hyper focus maybe like body dysmorphia is not the right word no freshman year of high school a senior a cool senior dusty caught me uh yeah Yeah. Yeah, he was cool. He was the coolest. And he liked me because he was a wrestler.

He caught me photoshopping a beard on myself freshman year and I destroyed me. He could roast with the best of them. He would pull up to Baytree in like middle school and he looked like he was 20. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Coolest guy in school. He had dirt bike swag.

Yeah. Coolest guy in school caught me photoshopping a beard on myself. What are we up to? I bet he's married. Good things. Yeah. Coolest guy. He had a dirt bike swag. Yeah. Coolest guy in school caught me photoshopping a beard on what he's up to. Good things. Yeah. I kind of want to quit photoshopping myself, though, because it's too it's I've like you said, like I've done it so much. I almost just want to make my YouTube thumbnails now just like completely random things. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to get a good photographer around the office, maybe Enrique, go into the green screen room in front of the white background in there and just upload yourself to a free stock image website. Okay.

For what reason? I want to see where you end up. Okay. Yeah. And that's your homework assignment. Very, very clear photos. Maybe one of you like holding just like a blank sign. Very, very just usable in ads and whatnot.

Yeah. And just make it, we can free for the public. Don't wear any shirts with like patterns, just a solid colored shirt. And what was the website you said? Just any free stock image website. Okay.

Right. So then all of them, even Pixar Bay, there's, there's a few that you could use. And then I want to just, I want to see where you end up and then maybe that's what you could start using.

Have other people do you. That's a good idea. Crowdsource it. Yeah, crowdsource it. I mean, you're going to end up in some pop-up ads, I'm sure. Yeah. I want to see for what. Yeah.

It could get ugly. But I kind of want it to get ugly. Yeah, I want it to ruin your life. Yeah. Before we go any deeper, today's episode is brought to you by three chi not one chi sure is how many two chi how many chica it's eight deltas three chi and they got the nines they got the nines too yeah yeah um it's a very very good it's a very very good product i've been taking drug it is yeah i've been taking it comfortably numb to fall asleep.

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premium THC products. Go to three chi.com and use promo code a N U S one five for 15% off your order. It must be 21 years or older to purchase. That's anus 15 at three chi.com. Please use responsibly guys. Um, one, two, three, four of us in this room right now um i think we've taken the joke too far tungsten um we all i don't know if we've ever talked about this on any bit of content but 12 of us in the office all bought membership cards to the tungsten federation of greater new york this thing's heavy as fuck it's sharp and i've been carrying it my wallet every day i'm i'm it's causing my pants to fall this is a pain in the you're walleting that you don't you're not carrying

this around in a paperweight in a paper in a paperweight what you're talking about like you know like a glass see-through cube yeah it's a paperweight and it's inside of it how'd you do that took a lot yeah it did take a lot i'm not gonna carry it i'm not gonna wallet it's in my wallet it makes my wallet four times heavier do you have yours no it's on my desk yeah it's probably a smart thing you haven't been carrying what in sam hill are you wearing my mine's in my mail room still um that kind of looks cool for what it is. Yeah, so we finally, we dropped it a couple weeks ago, but we finally got them delivered. So this is the Tungsten merch, and you can go get it. It's pretty fire. There's the power of the Tungsten as advertised.

I felt that. Yeah. Shock wave. Yeah. So I loved those sweatshirts until a merch team dropped off a box at my desk, and I threw one over to Sm and he said oh this is cool it's a it's a quandary it's a quandary

because he is part of the federation I don't want Tommy to think the stuff that we like is cool that's the rub yeah it's a big deal yeah am I the only one that's been carrying this around yeah it's the weight of 14 cards.

14? Yeah. It's 14 times heavier than a card, I think. I'm worried that my Apple card is metal. And I'm worried that there's going to be some tension. I was worried about the airport. But if you're a member of the Tungsten Federation of Greater New York, you could just send a Tungsten Cube in the group chat of the other tungsten federation members and let's see

how fast the boys respond yeah you can you can hold it we don't have to cut any of this they'll respond there's okay so i sent mine let's see how fast the boys respond the guys are quick there's one okay well this is awesome oh no there's Austin. Yeah, see, it works. Oh, yep, there it goes. Yeah, it's going. And that's what you do in the... I think, I don't know. It pops off at random times. Yeah, there's Smokes who just sent his.

We got Patel in here. We got Patel. Nice federation. Comfortable federation. I got back to some basics. What do you mean? I wrote some news jokes oh let's go shall we? only a few it's hard to do

and I don't even know how these will go over but there's been a lot in the news and I figured hell Nikki's going to give a crack at it you ready? yeah alright this is the news Sri Lanka passed a bill to decriminalize homosexuality

pass a bill hell now you can fuck one nice thank you yeah right down the middle uh-huh uh-huh pro-life spider-man scaled a 40 story the 40 story chase tower in phoenix yeah pro he calls himself pro-life Spider-Man scaled a 40 story, the 40 story chase tower in Phoenix. Yeah. He calls himself pro-life Spider-Man. I get choosing Spider-Man as a pro-life hero. A Peter only shooting webs on the outside. And the biggest enemy is a doctor with a long metal arm. We're back.

Yeah. Researchers find subterranean natural antibiotics in limestone caves subterranean is usually what girls say to kyle as he's fucking them damn yeah but but still before you did well yeah no no no because they know did you see me before i was balls you scratch your ball maybe not call it out next time all right yeah through the pocket it's funny yeah is that why you don't call it up you've been on sweat mode heavily but not even like the bird dog sweats like the real like these are og sweats is that like ripped to shreds at the bottom have you been itching grass i've been itchy you've been more itchy from the back from that was a pinch and

roll i know that yep there it is it is. Weird call out. Yeah. And the thing is, like, Rudy was looking the opposite direction. Did you hear him scratching his balls? I've been called out for doing that. It was traumatic in middle school, so I just wanted to return the favor and make someone else feel that pain. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did.

I guess. That was 14 years in the making. Congrats. Move over making. Okay. Congrats. Move over, pajamas. Study. No one's ever said that. Move over, pajamas. Studies have shown that sleeping in a tunic gives you the best sleep. Sleeping with two nicks is Rudy's girl's

dream threesome. Her and two me. One in her pussy and one in her butt probably yeah yeah yeah i don't know how that works um nintendo's profit margin is at an all-time low they only make their profit margins four percent all-time low when asks what when asked what is happening the spokesman for nintendo said they need their employees to work better. Want to make the people of Nintendo work better?

Pick them up and... Pfft. UCSF had a heart transplant surgery done by an all-woman team. So rest in peace to that person. Sweetest piece. Fly high. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. A Catholic middle school sent home a male student for having his fingernails painted. That's hypocritical. Even Jesus had red nails. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That's the news for the week. All right. Glad to be back. Yeah. It feels good to be back. Thank God. I enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah. It feels good to be back writing jokes. The dude who scaled the chase tower. Yeah. Pro-life Spider-Man. That is the coolest move that's been done and no one's going to talk about it because he hates abortion.

Yeah. Yeah. You can't be. It still is. But doing something dangerous because you're pro-life is hilarious. I mean, yeah. Yeah. That just makes it whack.

That's like fucking a black woman for racism. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the feet is like the sickest thing ever. Yeah. It's very. And he did it like like the sickest thing ever. Yeah, it's very. And he did it like he's in like business casual. Yeah.

And he just walked right up a skyscraper. And nobody. That was that's insanely cool. And like, dude, I bet you people were so excited to give this guy's flowers. Then he got he got to the top. He was like, stop killing babies. Oh, no. Imagine if he

was pro-choice, how cool that would be. Yeah, he'd be with like Ice Spice right now. I think that's the litmus. That's cool. That is the pinnacle of cool now. Being with Ice Spice? Just being with her, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Danny Conrad is does his count as cool danny fucked her no no he texts us he only made out with her he made out with her years ago yeah yeah but does

that does it count as cool as if it was before retrospect it was they were famous because i was in a group chat with doja cat that is true That's insane because she's probably the actual pinnacle of female fame. Isn't she? Female hipness? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what her deal is. I don't know either.

She likes white guys. Mm-hmm. Is that her deal? I'm not going to claim. I don't know. Why were you in a group chat with her? I'm a white guy, I guess. But why?

Twitter funny men. Oh, that was it? I'm a white guy, I guess. But why? Twitter funny men. Oh, that was it? It was a bunch of like Twitter funny people. Oh, yeah. And Doja Cat. Damn, that's cool. I'll be a part of one of those someday. Nah.

How many followers did she have? Not many. Not many. No. Her only song was the cow one. I'm a cow. Oh, yeah. That's how she came up.

Yeah. Yeah. I. You guys watch the super bowl right yeah i was at a um i got pissed off i kind of turned into a cunt during the super bowl halftime show because um i was at a bar and i was just like with a group of people and it was rihanna up on that platform, pregnant Rihanna. And I was like, dude, if she fell off this platform and land on her baby, on her butt, on her tummy, that baby shooting into the Pacific. And this girl looks at me and goes, this girl looks at me and goes, no, she die. And I flipped.

I was like, what? Did you just correct me? and i flipped you can't i flipped i was like what did you just correct me did you think i actually meant yeah that her baby would shoot out of arizona over california over baja california lake havasu you said the pacific i said the pacific yeah i was just trying to make an observation we all realize come to those realizations sometimes that we can't bring our energy to like random people yeah you just can't some things you can't say they just won't hit yeah i know dude like um i just i bit my tongue at the super bowl house like christian mccaffrey walked in and i was just like i'm not i'm not

doing anything i blew it with kenny pickett um yeah what did you what'd you say i asked him to dance did that hit didn't hit, that hit like an indie song. But he followed me back on Twitter. So I think, I think. Oh. I think, I think I'll get another, I'll get another chance. But yeah, just like I realized I'm so used to being surrounded by you guys that it's just, it doesn't really translate to the wild too well.

No. And I thought I was like a social guy i'm not good at it it's a real shame um kyle what do you have all right 330 area shout out to you know i lived in kent i lived in youngstown i worked in medina in my 20s i worked in mogador in my 20s. I worked in Mogador in my 20s. I went to prom in Wadsworth in my 20s. Wait, wait, wait. I have to. I did. I did.

Wait, you went to prom in your 20s? Wait, have you talked about that? I may have. It was your buddy's sister. Yeah, it was my boy's girl. My boy's sister. My boy's sister, yeah. Her boyfriend broke up with her like two days before.

So you went to prom in your 20s? I went to prom in my 20s. How old in your 20s? 20 or one. I forget. Okay. Did you buy the rest of the group booze? I went to prom in my 20s. How old in your 20s? 20 or one, I forget. Okay. Did you buy the rest of the group booze? I did. So I was 21.

I never had a family. Okay, I was 21. I was a June sophomore. So I was 20. I was 20, yeah. But a lot of time in that area. The flagship city. How was prom?

Did you dance? I did, yeah. I remember having a blast. Yeah. Did people know you were older no okay no that's good it was fun yeah was the girl into you it was my my friend's sister yeah

so yeah that's how it works friend's sisters always love you you know how it works kidding kidding Akron yeah not a lot of good but some good it's the city of lebron but more importantly rubber ducks tires and blimps that's like that's like that blue collar autism yeah you know that's that old school autism things you can line up things you can stack you could sort and sort yeah um advanced stats from lebron yeah it's like the

type of guy to look at a pile of sawdust and be like that's 2.4 million geometric specs it's that type of autism. But Akron, I also worked there at a daycare for two-year-olds. Speaking of autism, for two-year-olds with autism, I would go into the daycare and pick one child and work with him for hours. It was all black. I was the only white person in the entire building. Wonder World, I think. Wonder World. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. in the entire building um wonder world i think wonder world good morning good morning good morning to you that's how we started our days your daycare at a theme song it was like the

morning song and i would roll up and i remember did you sing the song what did you sing the song sing along i think i have videos um that's a hipaa violation or what um what did i do you'd select i'm curious about the selection process for my graduate school internship i was sent there i mean how you select the child oh they had one they there was like one child or two with autism that i would work with during the daycare got it yeah i was the only white guy remember i rolled up with manila folders and they thought they thought i was the mayor it was fun it was during like the lebron calves run yeah of 2016 good good vibes the power of carrying a manila folder has is under what a folder what a folder what a folder and then also in the

330 east palestine i don't know if you guys know what's going on there things are being spilled toxins chemicals animals livestock fish are dying ad nauseum the fish are dying down getting sick they're saying the spillover will go you know into the northern panhandle of west virginia where we are from yeah so that's scary um and if you know east palestine you know into the northern panhandle of west virginia where we are from yeah so that's scary um and if you know east palestine you know the people from that area of columbiana county you know the last thing they need is toxic fumes because if you you know looked at them met them you would think that this was more of a lifelong problem than a week-long problem yeah i know they saw that the vinyl chloride was spilled over they couldn't read that they saw vince carter when i read that that's what's going on there shout out to arizona miller

my high school wrestling rival he's from a school district over beaver local that's that type of area yeah yeah east palestine is an interesting name for a east ohio town i know and that was right next to calcutta funny what else do we got obviously we're looking at the mayor and i went through every single community in the 330 area because there's lots i went through every single one of those mayors instagrams the most boring job of all time east ohio mayor what east ohio mayor is do you think it's the most boring mayorship? A lot of them just didn't have Instagrams or they only posted like wallpaper. So but I mean, I have to do the flagship city. I have to do Akron. Yeah. So I always start with a PR check. I search their name on Twitter. So last time the mayor of Washington, D.C. was in flack for anti-Semitism.

What is. What is the one thing that is worse than this could be dark, but worse than the Holocaust? The one thing that's worse. I mean, this is it could be darker in grimness. A bigger Holocaust. and skintonia what's worse yeah but no what could maybe be equated to a holocaust in terms of of tragedy slavery evilness yeah black genocide so i searched this guy's name his name is dan horrigan and a bunch of anonymous twitter accounts with like the guy folks.

Avatar were doxing him, tweeting his number, calling him a beacon of black genocide. Calling him, what did they say? What, what, what is up? Yeah, I mean, yeah, they're saying the mayor of, they say his number. They say, they call him slave patrol apparently in june um a black man was killed by like eight cops shot 60 times 60 yeah they're expecting the mayor to the mayor didn't like fire them or whatever he could do so i don't know i kind of was like should i dq him for being a fan of black for being pro black genocide i can't i can't because i went

through every other town's mayor and none of them none of them had none of them had an instagram when was the last time this was also this is just accusations this was happening in june of this of this year of 2022 oh that's soon that's recent but i don't i don't know i don't know what the the the moral grounds like how to judge him for that i don't know what his position could have been um if you go to his instagram he doesn't seem racist it's a lot of black people he has 322 posts. That's a little bit zesty. That's a lot. That's zesty for him. This is our first white mayor. This is, yes. And our first

white mayor is accused of black genocide. Yeah, I think that's a stretch, but... What's his handle? Mayor Dan Horrigan. Two R's. Okay.

First off, the parody in mayoral fashion rivals English teachers or loggers. They all dress the same. So it's hard to find an actual fit pic. It's brutal. So the first thing I do is... All English teachers do dress the same. English teachers and loggers. Yeah, and loggers, yeah.

So I went to the date where this incident happened with Jalen Walker, rest in peace. And I wanted to see what his response was to that. You know, he took a month off. A month off from posting his next one back was he poached a local black teen to do a tutorial for using the Akron parking meters. And then he was reading

to black teen or black summer campers. And then he was at the pride parade which is the akron pride parade so it's just six foot two black lesbians bulls fit it's hornets jerseys cargo shorts gun holster with the dildo all that yeah so not an authentic pride parade across the board uh the l was there yes okay to his swagger to his fits to his just the l it's the l just it was an l prime yeah fitting for a city in despair so a lot of like the standard mayor suits which i don't judge you know that i want to see your authentic your personal swag and the first thing

i noticed was this blue or maybe bootleg off-brand Arc'teryx bright Bosworth blue jacket. You know, he copped that from the Jimmy Jazz and Summit Mall. If you don't, you know, Jimmy Jazz, not a clue.

He copped it from a Jimmy Jazz employee with a house arrest anklet on because in Akron and Summit County, you can either do your house arrest in your own home or at Jimmy Jazz. It's a store in the mall. Trying to describe. Tyler, do you know Jimmy Jazz? You should. Yeah.

It's like a footlocker got Atlanta drunk at Rolling Loud and then woke up in a sprinter van next to what's his name? Y.K. Osiris's stage manager and Gene Markeith's least steezy is tommy that's what that's what jimmy jazz is that's where he bought this i'm thinking it's a cool jacket kind of i know you see it it does look like it's not bad but but but he posted it on june 3rd i was like that's a little bit warm to wear it on june 3rd but whatever you got to flex the jacket he also posted it on may 26th and april 20th and apr 11th. That's four times he's wearing the same fake Arc'teryx in the same fiscal quarter, a warm weather one at that. He tried to four-peat the Rex. That's gross, man. You got no Hester in your jeans. You can't run it back like

Devin. You can't rep the A like Pryn like prin that's a faux pas like lebron's pops moving down to may 17th 2019 because that's the last time i could find an authentic swag pick he's rocking a neon lime surge under armor tech zip with the matching neon green sunglasses he's in akron but he still found a way to to rep the wrong UA zip with a forest green undershirt. That green tea's unsweetened. Yuck. Oh, no. Tried to kill it in the tech, but he's not a shooter like that.

He's got that Little League baseball coach swag. Oh, no. Looking like a third base coach for a pop up sex ed class. Show you how to steal home without an overt go signal. But the caption caption this is the weirdest caption the caption is today is national ride your bike to work day anyone else need anyone else ride into work tomorrow or ride into work today there's not a bicycle in sight there's no proof that he rode his bicycle yeah i don't see there's not even a

speck of a spoke or a rim or a tire or a handlebar in the picture. So I don't know what he was trying to do there. Perhaps even weirder, there is a phantom Apple AirPod poking out of the West Goiter of his neck region. No wire in sight. Don't know how it's loitering there. How did it get there? How's it chilling? Yeah, I mean, that's minus some degrees.

Now, is it a positive that his sunglasses matches shirt perfectly no that's like that that's like a little league shortstop swag okay you know the kid who left williamsport with the hustle award the kid who tried to rob rob a japanese boy's home run but landed on his neck he tried to rob it with his hat and landed on his neck like five feet in front of the fence talking about vertebrae yeah so that's his swag um what else i don't want i want to give him a fair pick give him a fair pick going down to april 9th he's clearly pretending to pick up trash he's holding an empty home depot bucket he's only got one finger daintily hoisting it, so it's empty. He's not actually cleaning up trash.

What is the sign his partner says? It says, where'd it go? This is April 9th? April 9th. His partner, it says, holding a sign that says, keep Akron. Beautiful in front of a very dismal rundown area of Akron. On the dome. See, I even asked you guys to help me ID this. I think it's an off-brand true religion, like pastel baby blue and pink beanie, which could be cool if it's actually true religion.

But it doesn't match the rest of the fit. Looks like a true religion logo. You got the it's still it's a cartoonish fit he's got pinky on the brain scientology swag he's rocking fake religion hold this l ron hubbard i will admit i will admit the forest green ebay hoodie goes hard you think so that i mean a ebay merch goes hard because you can't even, where do you find that? You type in eBay hoodie and it's going to just give you results of hoodies that eBay sells. So I will say that goes hard. Okay. He's wet as fuck.

He is wet. And he has the arterics that's waterproof and he's not wearing it in this one. He's soaked. I want to give him a fair chance. The eBay hoodie does help a lot, plus 10 degrees. But the rest, okay. I couldn't find another swag pick I went all the way down to 2019 he's rocking a navy blue and red Cleveland Indian sea hat

a gray and black puma power warm knit vest that's 56 dollars a light blue calero husky fit dress I said husky fit it's far from slim his biceps are drowning it's a husky fit dress shirt 45 dollars I ID'd and then the cuff of it is choking the life out of his apple watch that's cider got flex athletic taper khakis um all the colors are clashing uh and he's holding the ball like he's about to like throw a curveball it's the weakest curve bruce horrell would take him 450 to center at progressive field his eyes are hollow his eyes are all black and hollow for some reason and this is the case in several of the pictures he's got that ill mind of hops and swag and then the caption is let's play ball this

opening day join me and wear your favorite baseball cap he's a cyborg um lastly february 16th 2018 he tried to birdman hand rub his intro to addressing the pothole situation in greater Akron. All around, I mean, I think you guys know where this is going. Yeah. Heat check, high school dropout, zero degrees. Oh, no. Oh, zero degrees. Is he the lowest so far?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, tough competition, but yeah. I think we had three fails, three makes. I love the, uh, Harrell callback too.

Yeah. Harrell was good. Um, yeah, this is a tough job. Like this was the best I could work with in the entire, uh, Northeast Ohio area.

So we don't have to follow area codes if you don't want to, I might have to switch it. I mean, the mayor game is the mayor Instagram game is tough. Yeah, I had to scratch and claw to get any material out of that. It's tough. It is tough. And if it gets too hard for you, Kyle, you can always go to BetterHelp. Not bad, Nick.

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slash new. Yeah, BetterHelp is good. I've been, I didn't even consider that therapy could be beneficial until Nicole, Dr. Nicole LaPera started popping up on my timeline. You can't escape her. You got anyone else? You brought her up last episode.

Yeah, or on the app. Or maybe I did. I don't know. I did. Sorry. Yeah? You brought her up last episode. Yeah. Or on the act. Or maybe I did. I don't know. Yeah, I did. I did. Sorry. Yeah.

But yeah, no, she's good. Last episode. I brought up that I saw one of our coworkers dicks accidentally, and I didn't know what to do. So later I invited him out for beers. Yeah.

Um, who was that? I didn't say who it was, but, uh, somebody else came up to me and they were like, was it blank? And I was like,

yeah. And he was like, yeah, that person, he's too far away. Oh, so other people have done this with him? Yeah. Dude, who was it? I'm not saying who. So, I mean, if you have a he or she, if someone has a tendency to do this, I'm guessing they're well endowed.

Yeah. OK. Yeah. Yeah. I know it was. I mean,'t you have a guess damn good inkling say mancini no i'm out that's all i got i got too drunk uh one of the nights in arizona and i dm'd rigs i would die for you sam and then i sent I sent Venus a DM. First one in a while. Oh, I forgot about her.

I didn't. I sent Venus a DM. First one in a while. She responded. Oh, she responded. Immediately. What'd you say? I said, how's life been, V?

And she said, hi! Three exclamation. So immediately. Good! Exclamation. How are you? Not even time between. How are you?

I didn't respond. I got nervous. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So you sent her, how are you? And she responded,. How are you? I didn't respond. I got nervous. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So you said her, how are you? And she responded. I said, how's life been? So immediately on Instagram DMs, I would say is within the hour. Yeah.

There was no gap. No gap. Jesus. And you didn't respond. Let's bring it back. Nah. Bring it back. Why?

What am I going to say? Get in the lab. She just said good. No, she said high three exclamation high three exclamation point. Good exclamation point. How are you?

Question mark. Sounds kind of body to me like chat GPT answering. No. Like I think that's just like this is like she was sheltered her whole life from socializing normally um what would you say yeah look i want to make a tennis joke because she played tennis

but don't do you have to do like an in-depth one or she'd think it's corny i want to okay like a really niche like what i don't know i don't know the game enough just ask her like when are you in new york city is that you guys are laughing that's what i would do so what are you in new york i think you need a buffer before that i do need a buffer i need it needs to be a tennis joke i don't know enough about tennis either. I mean, love is obvious. Oh, I didn't even think about that. That's what I'm saying.

That's too obvious. She's heard that a million times. Exactly. Let me love you. Clay. Let me court. That'd be getting rid of love. Life has been pitching some crazy shit at me, but it's all good love.

Why would you say? Why wouldn't you say serving? Pitching. That's what I say. Setting. Is this baseball's why i say setting i say pitching yeah i just fucked that up serving yeah serving i don't know man i hope you return the serve oh that's probably 90 of the guys who flirt with her try to incorporate tennis references you think you're more authentic if you don't try to fake who you are say Say you don't know anything about tennis. Right now?

What's another hobby? Oh, I know she's got tennis. What's her brand? Eleven. Talk about Eleven by Venus. Talk about that. Yeah. Or just come clean. How have you been? Truly. She doesn't want to hear all that.

How much time you got, V? It's a tricky one. Yeah. We'll send something now. How much? Yeah. Oh, man. I want to say how much time you got, V?

Oh, man. What else has been going on with you? I got to expense the Super Bowl. Same. It's such a nuisance to do. My 3D printer still isn't built. I still have 85 pieces scattered across my kitchen. Life's in shambles.

How's the 3D printer? Not built. What? How is it? I just said. You haven't used it once it's not built yet yeah my room's just my apartment's just pieces of a 3d printer could probably build it honestly oh rummaging 320 bang what do you mean

320 that's how much it was yeah but you're how what number is it uh this is number one I lost one you're

okay yeah alright you're trying to get the 200 yeah I'm trying to get the 200 knives I'm at one and you're

you're buying swords I bought Aragorn's sword it's not gonna help I bought Aragorn's sword. It's not going to help the cause whatsoever. You bought a sword last night? I bought Aragorn's sword. It was a one-for-one replica. I apologize. Last week, I think I said the first 100 knives

are the hardest. No, it's the second 100. I know so many people who've gotten into the 150s, the 160s, the 170 club, and never got to 200. And now you're stuck down below. But does a sword count as a knife? No.

Why? It's in the name. Oh, I guess it is in the name. Fuck, yeah. But big shout out to, they didn't give me any sort of discount. But big, big shout out to EpicSwords.com. So it's assembled, right? It's not shattered? It's not shattered. I was thinking about getting

shattered, but I think I want the assembled. Just in case? Yeah, just in case. I'm at the Black Gate. This one, pretty good. That's $320? money's all in the steel baby and what could that do that enough like a 20 knife couldn't do nothing worried about this

is made in japan quality over quantity get you get to get the 100 and then start worrying about where can i buy knives in bulk that's i didn't know that was an option i didn't think there is no you gotta buy one at a time Do you remember that oriental trading magazine My mom used to get it It was like party supplies in bulk No I used to read it when I was pooping as a kid

And I used to just want to buy things in bulk Well yeah bulk is cool Bulk's sick But I was never like a Sam's Club member I just tagged along with rudy you got anything on bulk no any bulk no i've never bought anything in bulk to be honest with you i don't it like overwhelms me yeah yeah no it's it's the nature of the beast because then there's like a level of responsibility with the items do we want to um crowdsource help for our award show?

What is the award show? We haven't even announced it. We have not, no. It's the Nobodies? Well, I think that's a little mean. I think we should call it the Sub Five Hundies, and the award is called the Nobody. Yeah. So what we're looking for is, I want to try to find maybe 10 really awesome accounts that have under 500

followers subscribers even facebook fan pages and we're going to try to try to find the funniest ones the best potential coolest the easiest guy like different awards so if you if there's any cool accounts i have under 500 subs subscribers i guess that's the same fucking thing followers don't submit yourself don't submit You got to submit someone who does something. Yes. I'm saying. Yes. I found a thing.

I found a Facebook page. Thirty six followers. I'm one of them. Kenya's best rollerbladers. Really, really good. That's perfect. And these these guys are just roller rollerblading on dirt. They are the best.

They have to be. Yeah, they're the best. But yeah, it's going to we're have to be yeah they're the best um but uh yeah it's gonna we're gonna be giving the award uh the nobody and it's just a base of a trophy no person on it yeah and we have jeff d lowe going to have categories and nominees for each we're gonna have this as a production we're gonna be wearing tuxes um and I guess that's all that it needs to make a production is tuxes. Are we going to try to like invite them in person? Yes. I would like them to at least or maybe we will zoom them in and maybe like a pre-recorded, you know, back and forth and then get an address to send them their nobody.

Yeah. Nice. The thing that we got to figure out categories. Right. So I think what we're going to do is reverse engineer we're going to find the funniest pages trying to find the best moment and see what reverse engineer the yeah yeah so like yeah best best african rollerblading page yeah or um i found a uh streetwear guy that's bald as a bat. Yeah. I think it's blonde.

But he's bald as a bat. Like the baseball bat or the animal? A baseball bat. The top of his head looks like a baseball bat. He's bald as a bat and I want to do the award all dressing no lettuce. There you go. That's one. so if you're a bald streetwear guy and want to compete gotta be bald as a bat though okay so that's a start send us bald

streetwear guys send us rollerblading accounts yeah those will be that'll be a category yeah i have a question though so is it hypothetically what if the rollerblading guys had like 500 on one platform, but more than another, they need disqualification. Yeah. No, you need to have under 500 on every account that you post actively. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. So find some, some real, just up and comers. Um, and let's, let's boost them.

And I think we should try to get them to a thousand, but this award show, if you go back to back means we're not doing our job right right so you should only win this once right so that's bittersweet yeah i got my nobody but i'll never have another and then we can have like a shark tank tech uh check-in with a later on nobody yeah where what have you been doing with these extra 36 subscribers how you doing i'm sure we have surreal for you it's us again yeah people that saved your life put be yeah i think i just have a god complex let me help you it is fun yeah yeah uh what do you got rudy what do you got kyle

let me look at my notes. I take the weakest notes throughout the week for potential talking points. We have a Laugh Boston update. Oh, Tomato Gate? Tomato Gate. So me and Tyler went with Sass for the weekend to do stand up. And within five minutes of us getting in the building, the manager that reamed me out came into the green room, held court for like five to 10 minutes, walking around, explaining how there will be no tomatoes this weekend. We did. We did.

We talked about it on the yak. Sass's manager called him and asked him to put out a tweet saying, please don't bring tomatoes. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that would just do the opposite effect and she referred to it as tomato gate i love that people who bring produce to any show they don't listen to tweets telling them not to bring produce that's one thing about those types that's the thing about produce people who bring produce to performances and also like i was on the train up to boston

and randomly i got a text from sass he's like, have people been DMing you, uh, saying that they're going to bring tomatoes? And I was like, yeah, I've had a couple. And he's like, my manager just called me to make sure that can't be a thing. I responded to all those people. I was like, you're not being serious. Right. And they were like, no, but. So here's where I think we went wrong. We tomatoes are, they spread when that you get hit with them. They spread out. It's a, it's an area of effect. It's an AoE spell. What we need to do next time... What is it? It's an AoE.

It's an area of effect. You cast it and it's wide. Heads of lettuce. Heads of lettuce can't break a screen. Maybe the root. If you just do it just right. A derooted head of lettuce i don't know maybe just one leaf you get can't get much distance but some some wise guy would

probably fill it with water those hold a lot of water tomatoes are kind of just water balloons yeah fuck probably worse yeah she said we bought the seediest tomato she's ever seen no no we said we went to the we went to the market with the attention thank you whoever said that yeah thank you big compliment we did we bring the seediest tomatoes we got dive bar tomatoes i was on the phone with my mom and uh i was like it makes one us. I haven't spoken to her in months. Why? On the phone.

Yeah. Yeah. Why? I can express myself better via text. Do you respond? I think that's I think that's something we shouldn't discount. And when it comes to any type of relationship, some people communicate more effectively, better via text message. You scratch your balls.

No, no, no. via text message you scratch your balls no no no is what the dominican republic does in baseball the most impressive national feat for any specific sport japan and sumo okay this guy with two different shoes on kept looking at me like yeah i'm the guy with two different shoes on um let's take it where It was on the subway. This homeless woman asked me to buy her two slices of pizza, and I said, no, thank you. You said, no, thank you? Yeah, no, I actually did.

That was embarrassing. She was like, do you want to buy me two slices of pizza? And I was like, no, thank you. That's embarrassing. Yeah. It's like do you want to buy me two slices of pizza and I was like no thank you that's embarrassing you too oh no that's bad I was on the phone with my mom

and I made like an Anne Frank joke to her and she goes Nicholas she was blind and deaf no this is tea you truthing it? She was blind and deaf. No. This is tea. Yeah. You're truth in it.

Why are you shaking your head? You truth in her. Rudy, that was Helen Keller. Oh, yeah. I was. Yeah, I actually. Oh, yeah. My first Facebook status was like a stolen tweet.

It was like an Anne Frank joke. My first Facebook post was I had a VHS of matilda and i intentionally like pulled the guts out and i just like posted a picture i said worst day ever that was my first facebook post that was that was like 2009 before that type of humor yeah you're ahead of your time thanks man before vhs before vhs humor yeah dude i used to love it was so much easier to steal i was i was stealing jokes dude i was bad the freshman at wv just thought i i was bo burnham they they sent me special and i i ingrained it in their heads so bad they're like this guy stole your shit sophomore year of high school i would really do his raps like his old raps as if they were my own freestyles aaron varlas thought those were my work my My girlfriend Bree Robbins thought it was my own song.

It was, yeah. The vagina orchard line, I was ripping that. They didn't even get it, but they knew it was solid. Oh my. That girl made you date her, right? Because she was like a foot and a half taller. Yeah, she bullied you. She bullied the fuck out of me.

She wasn't taller. She was more muscular. She was a beast. She was like a four sport all-state athlete yeah she was i was looking at my old tweets because i was looking if i ever tweeted about akron and i used to do like digital blackface what because i remember in 2012, I was like following or let me see what I had. What do you have to get? What do you see? If. What do you got? You're what you said you were digital blackfacing.

I would tweet like the because I would follow all these like I would follow guys with usernames like I disrespect hose. I don't wear condoms like that was their name yeah they were very just mean guys and i remember i disrespect hoes was like the the coolest one of the whole bunch yeah and then it was he got canceled because they found out he was mexican he was always tweeting the n-word um what did i tweet i i'm very very curious of what this could be it was the first some girl from my college tweeted taking over kent and akron tonight with blank my friend and i just quote manually quote tweeted and said lmao you aren't doing shit though i was just like mean to girls who went to my college i thought that was like normal said 2012 akron was turned

up tonight burr akron is doing free hiv tests i wasn't fucking at this time akron is doing free hiv tests so akron is over kent in my book 2014 abola was in akron i low-key low-key feel bad for abola that was my first time getting 100 retweets. The guy emailed Amir Blumenfeld after that. Who's that? He's from College Humor. Oh, yeah. Jake and Amir? Yeah.

Dude, my first tweet that got over 500 likes, it was the Jason Derulo documentary I did. Damn good. Your parents were in it. I remember that. Yeah, yeah. So I did a documentary. I spent a year trying to get Jason Derulo's attention. And I tweeted a trailer for a documentary called Jason Derulo about trying to get his attention. And it got like 500 likes.

And I applied for verification. Yeah, yeah. I was in those applications. Yeah. All the shit you were doing is it would is still funny now. No, no. Looking back, it's it's been it's bad. I don't think.

No, I tried to like I've been trying to like think of tweets more. And I talked about one on the last episode of like me going to the high school, high school with the Babadook, like just in my yearbook. But I did another tweet that I spent hours Photoshopping. I was just like, I don't like it. But like three years ago, I've fired that off and walked out of the office

with a pep in my step. I don't know what to tweet anymore. I've lost my voice. Huh. I'm just cataloging KB's old tweets now. Oh, no. Moog, what have you been up to? How's TikTok? I've been doing the in real life old tweets now. Oh, no. Moog, what have you been up to? How's TikTok?

I've been doing the in real life. I still see you pop up. Yeah, I'm back a little bit. I took a break, couldn't find my footing. And then this weekend in Philly, I was just doing, this is me getting into an Uber after X amount of Bud Lights and getting into the Uber. You've been doing it?

Yeah, I've been doing it. Oh, you're doing it. Oh. Yeah. The one did really well it's yeah it's being received well yeah go but i think i'm fully stuck in the bit fully stuck yeah i mean you change your style though yeah a little bit make it like blair witch project yeah i'm going in the wild like the one i got into the wrong uber which like kind of

like played well oh you did it on accident. Yeah. I got in and he was like for Keith. I was like, Oh, wrong John go birds. I popped out and it, it,

it, it popped off. Yeah. I got like 300 K Jesus Christ. Yeah. You're the biggest on this show. Yeah. By far.

And we don't even have a fucking camera on you. That's good. There it is. You don't need a camera on my face. Rudy looks at himself in Photoshop. Like I'm afraid to do that. I don't even have a fucking camera on you that's good there it is you don't need a camera on my face rudy looks at himself in photoshop like i'm afraid to do that right i don't i want no smoke you've been uh awkward around the office i'm so awkward yeah yeah i'm getting used to it i have no desk here uh yeah but you sit in somebody else's desk and they showed up one day and what you said what did you say as you were leaving yeah so i've been sitting in k marco's desk and uh the one day he showed up i was there i look up i see him and

i just immediately started saying sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry as i'm like collecting all of my things off the desk just complete panic face turned red and you you think you're to the point it's too late now for you to introduce yourself as a co-worker to people? Yeah. He's like, it's been three months. It's just that ship has sailed. I'm not meeting that person. Yeah.

So now you just do a head nod. Oh, it's so bad when you get once you get too far deep. I subleased my friend's apartment for two months and never spoke to the roommate once. And once it like two weeks passed, he was like i now i just can't wait so you were living in an apartment with a guy just like yes i were yeah when he i refused to like go out when he was in the kitchen yeah because yeah but because i would show up in the summer a little bit like two days a week so people know my face and i've made eye contact with several people here who i've never talked to and now it's just so awkward in the hallway.

In the hallway. Yeah, it's over. It's over, right? Yeah. Kyle, I'm trying to find a blog to read out loud because I really liked doing that. Right now I'm looking at I'm going pretty far back. I like to do pre Nick. OK, yeah. Hot girls is pretty good but that hot girls hot girls is

one you blogged huh one of my favorites ever is the oldest teacher teacher's sex scandal oh yeah i remember that i'm the boy who always orders chicken tenders at five-star restaurants. I don't know what that was. Let's see. Hold on. Your titles are even funny, but... Do you remember Witchcraft and Jizzerdry? Of course.

We've talked about this. Yes, yes, of course. I want to get to one that you forget. Okay. I remember the chicken tenders one. Okay. It was a parody of an Odyssey Online article, but... I'm finally feeling festive? No.

I believe the thumbnail was peanut butter fudge? I do not remember. don't pull that one seven comments you're you're a mid-20s guy in this one yeah that one was trapped do you remember that no i don't remember that at all i'm finally feeling festive and there's a piece of peanut butter fudge the thumbnail i have no idea what has no piece of peanut butter fudge. That's the thumbnail. I have no idea what this could be. I have no associations with peanut butter fudge. I barely have chocolate fudge associations. That was like my least eaten baked good.

It's fudge. Fudge sucks. This morning as I went through the motions of my morning commute and waved to the pair of rodents 69ing in my apartment's vestibule. That's lame. Delete this. Oh. You blogged this on National Peanut Butter

Fudge Day. That's how much I was scraping for material. Ooh, my lucky day. What? I know know you see your calendar and you think oh yeah okay

is there anything that you want me to I don't remember no let's see here the sexification of America no Alexis Ren just broke Let's see here. The sexification of America. No. Alexis Wren just broke the Internet with these pictures.

No. One scoop of clout, please. I don't know what that is. Foreskin Friday. The Curious Case of the Boy Who Cummed on the Sea Otter. That's a good one. That's a damn good one. I think I threw Carter Huffman under the bus. Was that the first appearance?

That may be. Oh, my God. under the bus was that the first appearance maybe oh my god oh just this just the titles are are funny to me dear future hubby i fucking hate picnics i think i was actually pissed off and went in on picnics i think that's a very inconvenient way to consume a meal yeah there's nothing good about picnics uh you and i went on a picnic together for your birthday no okay then i don't know. It was right when we were very much in the thick of COVID.

Very, very much. And Jeff D. Lowe invited us on a picnic with Mimosa. He brought Outback. And it was so... Eating an Outback steak in the middle of Central Park was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. So hot. First cut. It was so fucking hot.

I'm sitting on the ground. I don't think we had a do. It was so hot. First cut. It was so fucking hot. Yeah. The first, I'm sitting on the ground. I don't think we had a blanket. No. And I just, I broke my knife first cut of the steak. Oh yeah. Yeah,

picnic's deuce. And I remember, we had steaks. I remember going in on, but this was, oh, just a picnic hit piece, I think.

Yeah. People were like, too, what are you, did you not even have any jokes? Who hurt you? Yeah. Picnic hit piece.

I did that during COVID, though. That was like the thing to do. Go to a park, drink a little bit, bring some snacks. Yeah. But it's still, there's nowhere to piss. That's true. It sucks. It does, yeah.

Just drink. We're to the point of everybody romanticizing lockdown. People are starting to retroactively do that. I've seen those takes. Yeah. Yeah. It was actually fun. House parties,

getting drinks to go from a bar, sitting outside on this. No. Time to think. We should do this every five years. Yeah. I've seen that. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it was. This is going to have a horrible impact on a lot of people. Kids just didn't go to school for three years. Everyone. That's going to be the worst, especially the kids who were like birth to six during that time period. They're going to be stupid adults. Yeah.

The most critical period of learning. And they got nothing. Also in Akron, one of my assignments was James Harrison's brother's son. And I felt bad. He lived in like an old elementary school that was renovated into an apartment. And hell of a coat rack, though. Okay. No, I'm glad you told us that.

Some good cubby holes, but it was felt bad. James Harrison must have lots of siblings to divvy okay. To divvy out his winnings too. Anything else, boys? Got a couple of housekeeping questions if you want them. Yeah. All right. Nick, stand up. 10 days.

How you feeling? Oh, shit. I feel good. Wait, did you do an open mic? No. You don't need to. I'm going in raw. Going raw.

Yeah. Might not be good. I sat down with Mook and Sass and Grace O'Malley and ran through some of the stuff I had written down some ideas I think I have two decent five minute stories I think I could do ten if need be but we'll see how it goes there's gonna be some bangers in there

you see that Bethany Hamilton is against the trans community yeah I hated that we were away for that because everybody pounced on the surf and turf joke surf and turf she leaned right yeah um yeah like these are people getting rid of an appendage can't surf with you really um but we've been tagged in that probably 80 times yeah a bunch every platform yeah also we got tagged in a boy fell in a vat of chocolate. Oh, yeah.

I didn't see that. Yeah. In what context? There's a vat of chocolate at a factory. I think it was at a chocolate factory. Yeah. You ever been to a chocolate factory? Saris?

Yeah. Best root beer float I've ever had. Best chocolate pretzel. You're a big chocolate pretzel guy. We were talking about on the Yak today how you worked at a concrete plant next to a shit plant. It's like, what is everybody just calls it the shit plant. They're not making shit, but it's where everybody shit goes.

It's these open pools. I toured it because I wanted to work there. And my dad was the city manager. You could smell that from Sunoco. I was obsessed with poop as a kid. I used to introduce myself to like as a kid i would bring like a fake i've talked about this a fake dog i know everywhere with me i don't ever i would introduce myself as james poop to people see that's still funny now i was like five i was like

five or six and um my parents i wanted to work at the poop plant and my dad was the city manager he's like fuck it i'm giving you a tour of this place to make you end the poop obsession and it reeked so bad we had to like get rid of throw away our clothes afterwards and i just wanted it more james i was i was james poop more than i was nick roy bauer worked there no relation to me dirk's dad oh yeah okay yeah yeah uh a woman fell in that and i think got pretty hurt because they're the churning of the the yeah three more quick hitters kb baby jeter check um i yeah i it i still smoke them okay and fine i'm fine no incidents yeah that's how you have to get past an incident like that you have to do it more like i said before you have to do an even stronger dose the next time. Perfect. There's a dispensary here.

Can you even call them that in New York? Where I've been buying, and it's got the best name. It's called the Coffee Shop, which is funny. That's cool. Yeah, it's a good name. Like a smoke shop? Yeah. Like coffee.

Oh, that. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah. It's pretty good. It's nice. They are my business. Rumors circulating around the office that nick and dave are best friends now i also heard this how did this start um we've always had a

pretty good relationship it's just been very uh you know but what's on that rumor uh he shot me a text and i answered it and he said it was a good answer that's it he said good answer yeah yeah it was like family feud but i did i called him boss man three exclamation points hell yeah yeah uh last one does your shit still smell like dog shit big um i almost said big time no no just kind of it's good that's something you have to hide from a partner your shit smelling of dog shit yeah not even the fact that you shit near her it's the fact partner your shit smelling like dog shit not even the fact that you shit near her it's the fact that your shit smells like dog shit one of our first ever anus episodes

we were talking about finding out your girl's cheating because your shit smells different that was an underrated joke babe we have every meal together explain explain why your shit smells different go in there and shit right now don't flush

Who are you eating with Oh my god How long have we been doing this show What episode number are we actually on I don't know November 2020 So A little over

Two years What was the first episode number? 268? Couldn't have been. A little lower. Not YouTube. I think it would have to be Spotify. I couldn't even guess.

We're over 100. 115 weeks worth, give or take a couple off. Yeah. Couple off, couple double ups. Who knows? hundred hundred and fifteen weeks worth give or take a couple off so yeah a couple off couple double ups who knows how do you guys feel about disc golf it seems fun um you ever done it kyle no i throwing a frisbee is fun. Funner than throwing most things. It's very, yeah, no. I went, when I was in Denver for my birthday,

my uncle was a huge disc golf player. So he took me for a round. It's usually we do it like once a year together. And I find it to be very, very fun. It's probably more fun than golf. Way better than golf. A while ago, Brody Smith. Brody Smith. He reached out to us to do something.

Yeah, he started as a trick shot guy or an ultimate frisbee player he was like he was original he predated he was the

frisbee guy he was the youtuber yeah no it's very fun I would love to have the next trick shotter in the sub five hundies but I want it to be a non-traditional

trick shotter you see that that big big girl who's like a teacher she live streams her attempts in their school's gymnasium no every friday it's a blast but what do you mean like she has a lot of following she's big she does have a lot of followers as well i'll say that. Yeah. Um, yeah. I watched her like try to hit a basketball from a baseball tee with a blindfold on for hours.

And did she ever get it? No. Oh, no. But you kept watching. He kept watching. Yeah. That's the game.

They're posting their misses now. 119 episodes, by the way. Wow. Not bad. 120 the way. Wow. Not bad. 120 next week. Yeah. All right.

Would you go over 120? Luke? What do you mean, go over? Rudy? In a partner? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's light. For sure. It's tiny. I like a healthy gal. Why would you Yeah. That's light. For sure. It's tiny. I like a healthy gal. Why would you ask me? I'd go far over. I don't think I'd go under.

I don't know if you would. What the fuck? Not really, yeah. You wouldn't go under? I don't. Oh, you wouldn't go under? I don't know if I would. That is light, yeah. I don't know if I would. That is light.

Yeah. Trying to think. Like, what is like Emily Retta Joukowsky way? 98. How tall is she? I have no idea. Probably 5'6". She's probably about 1.

She's 5'7". 5'7"? Probably about 1'25". No, dude. I bet you she's like 1'06". No. That's the... You can't give blood if you're under 1'7". 5'7"? Probably about 125. 125? No, dude. I bet you she's like 106. No. That's the... You can't give blood if you're under 111.

Really? Come on now. I think. The estimate is 118 to 159 pounds. Okay, that's too big of a range. Was that pregnant? That spans different body types. And then November 2022, it says down to 100 pounds so who's running that

beat yeah dude a paparazzi that just asks how much he weighs no camera emily how much you weigh that is a bizarre beat to run crazy yeah but yeah that that was like a big headline like weighing 100 pounds so i think she was down to that at one point yeah so it would go under ask ask ask mook again in 15 episodes okay gotcha mook saying no in three years have you been going on dates have you gone on new york city date yet dude i haven't been in new york like consecutively for more than like four days yeah you're just a traveling comic date takes a couple hours yeah but i don't got time kb i'm grinding

wondering dude yeah mook is just sending us clips yeah you are working like 5 a.m incredibly hard that and boy dad and then stand up is just yeah crushing me right now but but you go you do road games i mean you had to go put a gun to your head i do i do away games wait how did that how did you end up like did you know her previously no i just find queens in different cities oh there's another area codes brother oh my god she's a fan of the giggles yeah f well so what happens is after we do a stand-up set, everyone goes for sass. When they realize that sass isn't answering a DM or doesn't talk to them after the show, they message me. Oh, prime.

So then I kind of like. Prime us. That's a good deal. Yeah, but it's like at the end of the day, I know what's happening. Have you done a video at Barstool yet where people haven't commented on how long your eyelashes are? No. I didn't even notice. Oh, take a gander.

Oh, those are wings. Oh, yeah. I didn't notice until I was like people were loving Mook on the yak. And then there was just like three comments just like lashes. Yeah. That's an asset. Yeah. On TikTok, I get that.

And then where'd your eyebrows go brother yeah people people are mean no bro i'm used to no service no brows you know exactly what you want oh man all right all right you know i told story thank you guys uh we'll see you next week we don't know when we're doing the sub five hundies exactly but as soon as we have it written and as soon as we have all the winners i'm gonna start searching yes i've started i've started searching it's really hard yeah you have to just stumble upon these people i've just been searching combinations of words that I think are funny.

I would go maybe hashtags on Instagram because the people. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just searched like different things that like just two different words combined think they're funny. I think that's how they write for Rick and Morty. It also kind of sucks because if someone goes viral for one thing on TikTok, they automatically have it. TikTok's almost impossible yeah so they still might be yeah they still might be like grinding their content but they already have over 500 yeah yeah we need like an anti-algorithm the

algorithm's working against us yeah an anti-algorithm algorithm we'll find them i want to get a real old person too yeah yeah all right cool guys all right