A New Untold Story - Sandwich Mass feat. Dana Beers - A New Untold Story: Ep. 401

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

we are joined by Sandwhich, Mass's very own, Dana Beers. God bless. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Smalls - For 50% off your first order, head to https://Smalls.com/UNTOLD and use code UNTOLD. Butcherbox - Go to https://Butcherbox.com/UNTOLD and use code UNTOLD for $20 off! Betterhelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/NEW today to get 10% off your first month. Manscaped - Get 20% off + free shipping with the code ANUS at https://manscaped.com.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Bonjour. I have something in my hand. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Of course. Hello, test, test. Like a consumable or?

Yeah, there you go. Messing around with something. We have like weapons around. The sex doll behind you as well. I like messing with something when I talk It's a good distraction Dana. Can you count down from we have no real plan for three two one cool Yeah, we're running on everything whenever you want to go I knew that's a new untold story Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! It's a new untold story I knew untold story

It's a fresh-baked untold story I knew I told you A New Untold Story episode 401 401 The 400 of these? We started on episode what? 212 And don't call them these Of these

What the fuck These are creations of art Every single episode, every second. So it's episode 401, Dana, do you have any 401 contributions? Uh, isn't that a well known area code? 401K. 401K, my 401K is killing right now. Is it killing? Yeah, I have no money to my actual name right now.

But I have a lot of future Dana money, it killing? Yeah, I have no money to my actual name right now, but I have a lot of future Dana money, which probably won't, I won't need, because I'm gonna die. You haven't really been building yourself for future Dana. I'm gonna die very early. Where does that money go? I don't know, I don't know where it sits.

I might just go, I don't know. If I die early? Where does the 401k go? Do you ever? You'll get passed down, yeah. Oh nice. Do you ever think about like Liquidating your 401k every day and taking like a Venezuelan girl from hinge to Destin, Florida

I have six days and seven nights in the junior suite at the emerald grand every day looking out the crab trap for the whole week showing her how Americans for the whole week showing her how Americans unconsciously overeat in Waste whole servings of delicacies. She's never sniffed in her homeland Do everything about that every day? Yeah exact thought taking her out on the chock to hoochie Bay giving her sunset hickeys on a On a pontoon boat god damn Flying her first class back to Chicago,

leaving her stranded. Had O'Hare baggage claim, broke and pregnant. And then dipping into the macaroni grill and buying rounds of double bloodies for everyone at the bar. Until someone agrees to hop on a flight to Ecuador with you and go on an ayahuasca bender until you guys fall off a cliff and Splatter yeah, and Dana called this this The nerve I don't know how you do that

Just think of all those words on the car so you and Kyle are kind of similar Yeah, you get autism allegations you get yeah blown retard allegations almost every second of every day and Neither of you both have like a similar photographic you guys are similar And maybe this has the same brain as me yes We've just ended up through whatever circumstances to express it differently yes You went to geography and you know rock formations and shit like that. And Dana went to NBA draft.

But I'm just as ignorant to like everyday things as he is. Yeah. And you leaned into the label, which I respect. Yeah, you know, I've said this before. I'm very smart at certain things. I'm very dumb at certain things. I owe you an apology because I've been one of those ret kind of guys towards you and you're yeah like you like doing that and he brings an air here comes the retard yeah but you're not man. You're actually a smart smart guy

Really well in trivia and you have the you are currently in the midst of the greatest content idea of all time Well, which is your bachelor party? Oh, I thought you're gonna talk about the one where I drink a beer every day that too Yeah, that too cuz that one I'm gonna do for the rest of my life as's going to be one as it's on day 38 of of hoping Luke Holmes sees that I'm charging a beer for him. Why Luke Holmes? Can't you just text? Just like one of my favorite guys. No, yeah, but I want to earn it. I want to earn it the hard way.

What is the hard way by having one beer a day? You had to grind for that. And the hard way is getting a country artist to acknowledge beer. Yeah, yeah. You really, damn. You know what I mean? The harder way. The harder way. The harder way than texting Kayla.

And then once it inevitably happens, then I just, the next day I'm going to do someone else. Of course, and then it goes from there. Yeah, just the rest of my life. So you have that, you have your gambling. Yeah, and bachelor parties. And bachelor parties. So you're about to go on your gambling. You know, bachelor parties and bachelor parties. So you're you're about to go on a real bachelor party because you're getting married. Congratulations. Beautiful.

Fiance. Yeah. Yeah. I'll kick my coverage. Oh, my God. Sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What I actually said, I'm retarded. Wait, I did. Yeah. When did I do that? I don't know. All I heard was an air horn. But you're doing a video series that's sold.

It wasn't my idea. It was not my idea. It was their idea. You're going on pre-Bachelor parties. Yes, I've gone on six Bachelor parties with three of my friends. Top destinations in America. All paid for with just your boys. Just having a blast.

Yeah, I mean. Are you afraid that your real Bachelor party is going to suck? suck no because it sucks when you go with Tommy and he's he Tells everyone that I'm on my bachelor party. Oh, yeah, he's using that And I can I have to explain to everyone what's actually happening and but it's a lot of fun so far My real bachelor party's gonna be fucking sick. It's gonna be like 25 of my boys getting shit face Do you have to choose from one of those locations? No. Okay.

I'm not gonna. I'm probably gonna choose somewhere totally different. Well, I'll do respects, but it's like. So I think your next content idea should be like, in six months I'm gonna have dinner. So every night I'm gonna have dinner with my friends figuring out what I'm gonna have in six months. I wanted to do soccer teams overseas, but I don't think I can get away with it.

You're a genius. You're a genius. You are. I don't know how I keep getting away with it. They keep letting me do this stuff. You've only made the right move. It's unbelievable, because you're still kind of under the guise of not content to some people. Yeah. And so she's like, yeah, it's just what he does in his free time.

I don't know who I report to. I don't know who... You fell through the cracks, and now she's like yeah, it's just what he does is I don't know who I report to I don't know Who I fell through the cracks yeah, and now you're a free man Yeah, I could pull a mill more if I wanted to and just ride it yeah I mean, but I don't want to not a bad way no my love no I'm saying like I could disappear and just you would be harder to hide the yeah, I guess you're right But I don't know who my boss is I think it's Dave. Maybe yeah, maybe so we don't either. Yeah I was just Dave for sure

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Actually found out about you something you've done Someone you had sex you have your fiance. I don't think she'll care maybe probably will You had sex with Meg Griffin in 2014. What? Yeah, it was after a kid-ing concert at the House of Blues. Yep. 2014. Is that true? Like the family guy?

That's her work. Yeah. Mila Kunis? The sitcom on Ipswich and you fucked her in Mr. Griffin's station. Is that props, dude? Did you really, Dana? Not that you had for a second. I was I was like, I've been to a kid in concert with a 2D cartoon. Yeah. You by the time you are, it was made.

Griffin, did you say, wait, Mila Kunis? No, not Mila Koonin? May have yeah, I mean for a second this guy's going to the final four in trivia. Yes. Yeah Yeah unbelievable, it's I Should use the the brain thing that we have to like other stuff probably no look at your life No, I know but like it would be fun to know like more about things. Do you get positive feedback when you're really smart compared to when you're really dumb and funny? No.

Yes, you do. Just like you every time you answer a question that you know, that you didn't have to you, you just know it. Yeah. Like, holy shit, Dana. Yeah, yeah, I get like Kyle expected to know I'm good at it. But like, that's a great feeling. It is. But I'm also like, I don't really like whatever. I just know it. Just I know yeah, I flex it. I flex it Yeah, it's fun to flex mm-hmm. It is fun to flex yeah So yeah, you get to know fun beer drinking guy and you're in the trivia final four the whole thing

We have is being like we're trivia. We're trivia guys and our our partner managed to bite through his tooth Like we're trivia we're trivia guys and our our partner managed to bite through his tooth Gosh blood I don't know how to be a trivia. Do you always bite your tooth? Because he managed to bite through his head gear with his tooth My tooth bring him in like Hannibal Lecter Well doesn't he have a chew toy yeah, but that's not enough What's all that's left it was it didn't it was too far away the tooth was right there in his mouth already Decided to bite on that Frank

Friendly fire. I'm just head to toe jealous of you. Thank you. You don't really have to be though. The heavyweight hindrance from Hingham High. You've been doing like old timey boxing intros lately. Do you have one for all of us? No, I just

memorized one. Memorized? You just made it up. You didn't have to memorize. It didn't exist anywhere. I made it up and then didn't have to memorize, it didn't exist anywhere. I made it up and then you still have to memorize what you make up. Yeah, that's true. I make up long paragraphs. Did you memorize that before this podcast

or was it off the dome? Memorized what? The heavyweight hindrance from Hingham High. I put that, concocted that real quick. You're from Hingham, right? I kinda. It was Dedham or Hingham in my head. I thought you were a sandwich boy.

I'm all over the mess. Or is that just your build? I grew up in. Wait, wait, you averaged a double-double in high school? I grew up in sandwich mass till I was 14. Sandwich mass. You grew up in sandwich mass. That's your belly. That's where he went to church.

That's where he worshiped. He worshiped in sandwich mass. That's where he broke. That's his one true God. He went to Sunday school for sandwich mass. Sunday having ice cream, Sunday school. He's from sandwich school for sandwich mass. Sunday having ice cream, Sunday school. He's from sandwich mass. He had a scoop of ice cream at Sunday school after sandwich mass.

Where do you fucking think of this shit? What were your stats in high school? Alright, so I went to sandwich, I grew up in sandwich, my parents split up, my mom moved to Hingham, I went to Hingham, went to Hingham High, averaged 12 and 10. My dad still lives on the Cape. My mom lives in Situate, Mass. He averaged a double, double animal style.

Yeah. Yeah. From. From. From. With from. Yeah. He had to get in and out from the dark one.

Yeah. He got his in and out from 4chan dude. What was the Leo movie where they were addicted to heroin and played basketball? Basketball Diaries. Yeah. I've never seen it. Neither have I. All right, why?

I don't know, there was something to go off of that. Justin Timberlake has AIDS. You see that? They found AIDS medication? Justin Timberlake has AIDS? I don't know, was something to go off of that Justin Timberlake has AIDS you see that Like has a I don't know like he got a DWI yesterday, and they found AIDS medication in his blood Maybe he's just taking it for the for the rush Yeah, this would be like if I had AIDS see I'm I would take that as him having AIDS You think and then if you think about his like unless it's like a body lost any fucks, right? Oh, my place fucked more than anyone alive

I bet you he's giving fucking Genghis Khan a run for his money. I'm trying to think like you can say Leo Yeah, but I don't think Justin Bieber has you can say. Timberlake started young Wilt Chamberlain started he's been around. Wilt Chamber fucked more than anyone you guys I don't know if that's true He said to 20,000 wait. Why don't we just take his word for it? There's even if there's no video footage of his a hundred-point game, right? I believe I believe that you know he afterwards even said He's like I just like said you believe 20,000. Yeah, it's like almost you want it's something the guy wants to believe I would love to believe that he's a Wilt Chamberlain, but it's like fuck anyone

It's not there's no evidence in any way of him fucking twice a day is there other it has to be documents There has to be it could be I think fucking What's how much is too much fucking? 20,000 Once days too much once a day's a once a day. So much. I agree. It's too much. Once a day is a lot. I'm like I like to fuck like once a year.

You'd fuck once a year. Stop it now. Don't know. I can't be true. I'm kidding. You are on Ozempic. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You are. You are still. Oh, yeah. Right. You stab yourself every day once a week.

But once a week. Right in the tummy. It's been working on every. It's fantastic. And I don't want to think a week right in the tummy. It's been working on Everybody's and I don't want to think about anything else other than that It's working because I know there's probably you seem to still be yourself Or like it seems like it takes away a lot of people's personalities a lot of people want to me experience a lack of motivation No compulsions to do anything you're Become monotone you still have charisma yeah doesn't change anything other than like are they placebo like is your zero zero zero no real yeah how did you get it like a health spa so probably placebo

you went in and is it expensive 300 bucks a month okay it's not bad it's not bad for like changing your life but have have you seen results? I've lost. Well if you have to ask yeah Yeah, shit fine look you remember fat Dana 280. I don't Picture you a little fat or 82 80 dan to 80 is almost well you're like six So tall six three. I'm sick you wax and Wayne a lot. It's oh, yeah, I'm a big What's the word fluctuate fluctuation guy? Here's a real question can we skydive? I'm like I haven't weighed myself in a month, but I was 248 at one point It's 250 is the number damn one of the hardest days of my life

When do you oh you couldn't sky? That was bad that was too too fat to fall is it? That's what like that's when you decided to do it right mm-hmm because like what that was the wake-up call Every physical object experiences terminal velocity that means you can only fall at a certain speed and then you just broke that yeah Brought me up. Yeah, and they just sat me there. That was the only one on the point Yeah, you're gonna have to land this thing, dude. The airplane was stuck in a right turn the whole way up. Dana, is that your pile of completed crosswords

on paper in pen? Or is that yours? No, I think that's mine. If that's not yours, it's gotta be mine in pen, Nick. Completed? I hate that. So many, oh. Oh dude, look at some of those letters.

There's one that I could not change to another letter and it's the thickest L you've ever seen. It was an O and I filled in the O and added a little leg to the bottom, make it an L. So douchey. I can't find fat. Why?

It's fanned out perfectly. Look at the face. Face is fat. That's what I'm looking at right now. Really? I'm not saying either is bad. I don't think, you're not like head turningly fat. You're a guy that drinks a beer a day for Luke Combs. You have that build.

The best case build for that guy. It's gonna happen boys. You're not head turningly fat. No, but I have features that are, I'm telling you. What are your fat features? My Yeah, my arms have gotten better I used to have like huge arms like fat arms as fuck. Yeah lady. Oh, yeah But that's the ozempic could stop that like you have the the like the body that women want Yeah, thanks like like does your girl is your fiance like is she she like oh, yeah, take the ozumpe keep it going

I mean, she's just she's just you know She wants me to be confident in myself and as a guy who edits every video of himself You see a lot of my got sick of it. It's tough. There's some tough angles Yes, but now that you're wed like who cares you're just I don't want to be Respectful to your partner. I agree like you get I think it's disrespectful to get fat after you get married. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, don't not do not do that. No, no don't even no no no thread that way I'll notice yeah, did you ever tell your wife that like you'll notice if she No, I'm doing this for us.

I know you are. That's good, man. That's good. Are you Egyptian? I'm 25% Egyptian. I don't, you don't meet a lot of Egyptian folk. No, my grandfather was a... That's a healthy amount of Egyptian. Yeah.

That means like one of your, your grandfather is pure Egyptian. Yes. From Egypt. Yup, my dad went to Egypt once. So he remembers the days of... Yeah, that means like one of your your grandfather is pure Egyptian yes From Egypt yep my dad so he remembers the days of I got never mind My dad went there in a monkey jumped on his head took his hat and ran away I didn't even know Egypt had monkeys. I didn't either but that's what happened. That's all it happens that cartoonishly That's the only story. I know right it's like common to get robbed in Egypt, but not by a monk. That would be so embarrassing. Like you get the sob story of getting robbed,

just be like, yeah, really, that day I got robbed. It's like, well, what do you, the police sketch artist, what do you look like? There's no legal action. It's the worst, that's the worst thing that, robbed and beaten by a monk. Left to die heckled left left bleeding out in an alleyway I technically

Am african-american I guess Egypt is Africa a quarter is I've never ever did that in Adams I never used that on the applications or anything, but it's a fun fact you on Barstool verse America you tanned real well Oh, yeah, I get bronze. Yeah, I get bra. What's your last name bar? Oh rowey, that's a fisherman. What look that up. How do you spell that it means fisherman? I think it means fisherman B-a-h-r-a-w-y he's got Ron isn't it? You're the same amount of black as Tiger Woods 25% yeah, Tigers only 25. Yeah, no Yeah, Tigers had what's Charlie? 25% Tigers only 25? Nooo

Then what's Charlie? Little math bro What's Charlie? Tell us what Charlie is. What's half of 25? 12 and a half 12 and a half Half of 25%? Yeah dude

It is 12 and a half I was thinking fractions That's a nice little role reversal right there for me and him. Yeah, that was crazy. What? What? Bari is a surname that is of Egyptian origin and means sentimental. Oh That doesn't mean fisherman Somebody lied to me along the way. Yeah, it means fisherman. Somebody lied. That's something you would take and run with. Yeah, I was probably like six when my dad said that. Names meaning something I think is kind of dumb.

Yeah, I don't give a fuck. Well, I mean, just use the word. Bower is direct translation to farmer. It's borowy. It's not bower. That's my name. Oh, my bad. I'm using an example, a personal example.

Sorry. You're gonna make me say it. You're gonna make me point and say it like always because I've similar last names it's all right I'm sorry to all the anus fans that are just finding out my last name is not beers yeah yeah they'll lose me followers also to the anus fans that don't listen to the bracket a show we used to be on um, I do have a micro penis What? I wasn't gonna say that at all. I forgot about that

That was one of the greatest days dana. I forgot that yeah me too. You don't actually have a mic. It's not like an acorn when it's But it's like is losing weight helping it no god no what it's just stuck it is what it is it is it like is it okay when it's hard yeah yeah it's like you know you know four to four and a half to five hard yeah it's not huge by any means but it's not no no I

wouldn't even say regular but it's not. No, no, I wouldn't even say regular. Like, my... Yeah, it's not huge by any means. Sorry, what were you gonna say about... It's not the biggest dick in the world. What were you gonna say about Brad? It's big Indonesian. I was gonna say your boy, when you were passed out, fucked your butt. Allegedly.

Your boy, you passed out in a marsh behind a bar. Was it a bog or a marsh? It was a marsh. And then you woke up with your pants around your ankles and who was your boy? Slays. Flip? Flip. And he was the only one that knew where you were? No. Is that what the thing was? Flip. We got to the bottom. Is your boy Flip? What's his last name and real name? Flip came with me to find my phone which was the location was on at the Marsh, but he found it really quick He was the last one there. Yes, and Dana got shit on I think I'd shit on shit on by what?

You don't remember that dude. I have so many moments so I got done By a person I was gonna not talk about this ever again. Oh This isn't to be the ass. Oh, this isn't the ass chug. No, this isn't the ass chug. I'm talking about ass chug all day. Oh my God, dude, your hit rate is phenomenally high. It is. What do you mean?

You have some of the best moments per person. Per person. Like, of anyone. My problem is I don't go on shows a lot, but when I do, I just let it fly. Which is perfect. Yeah, but then I do I just let it fly which is perfect Yeah, but then I regret it every time, but it's okay. It is what it is How's traveling with Tommy smokes and glenny balls? Uh it's okay

I mean Tommy smokes is he gonna get like something uncurable one day I don't know when he turned into whatever he is now. Yeah, it turned into it He turned into a different human like overnight. What does that face? I hear it. It was like two and a half years ago, I think. But I don't hang out with Tommy as much as everyone else does, but I'm like, this is the horniest man I've ever seen. I talked to Tommy.

He can't remember the last time he had a second date. He just is, yeah, he goes on one night stands all the time. Confident Tommy is, I remember, I remember non-Confident Tommy from the old office and stuff and that's what the Tommy I think of and to see it differently is something. It's funny. It is funny.

I'm happy for him. I love Tommy. I'm happy, he's a great guy. But it's fun. They're my friends so it's always nice to go do work stuff with your friends. And I don't know if I can say this but we were talking yesterday,

the last bachelor party trip you went on, you said you guys may have forgotten to film anything? No. You said you guys are just a little too banged up? Glennie probably said that, but we filmed- Glennie and Tommy both said there probably isn't a video. No, no, that's not true. I always make sure- when they're not filming stuff, I'm always doing stuff.

Okay. Okay, because I know it's my series, I gotta get shit out. They might be doing their little boondoggles, me and Eddie, we're committed to what we gotta do. But. Okay, but they just might not be in it. Not as much.

Yeah. No, it's a good ass gig. It is. I don't know how I'm doing it. It seems like a boondoggle, but again, it wasn't my idea. Yeah, but like, what's next? Things, yeah, it's just like, it's this character and mystique you'vegle, but again, it wasn't my idea. Yeah, but like what's next? Yeah, it's just like it's this character and mystique you've built.

And again, horribly jealous. You don't have to be jealous because it's like, the, I don't love the way my body feels right now, you know, just physically, as like probably my liver's not great and all that. So that part, you're probably gonna outlive me. I don't know if you care about that. I don't think so, man.

You don't think so? No, I do the same things as you, like substance-wise. Yeah, but just without the- Maybe even to a higher degree. Without the prestige. Without, yeah. Yeah, I don't do drugs.

Making it public. You guys do drugs? No, never have. I don't do drugs. Just get high. Yeah. So yeah. I get high on things.

That's what- I don't do drugs. I just get high That's what I tell myself. I'm like I can if I drink a lot, so if I don't do drugs It's okay. We find and like some people that drink like some seasoned alcoholics live to like one at one It takes a while, but it'll slowly destroy you, but it takes a while mm-hmm. That's fine I'm not turning yellow yet, which is good. Yeah, just keep an eye on your eyeballs. You're doing the case race with us tonight.

I am. I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I haven't really paid much attention to the rules. It's like a reverse case race where it's just timed. So whoever has the most beers at the end. So when do I come in? We don't know. It's a staggered start.

But do I still have the same chance as everybody? No, but you're on a team. It's it's still people tap me in. No, it's as soon as you're in, you're fighting on for your team. Random teams. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's exciting. I'm very excited. It should be good. This is like that's my comfort zone.

And I'm not. Yeah, buddy. Or the last case race, I just didn't you didn't say a word. Yeah. But by the end, it was funny because I literally couldn't speak because I was so drunk. Yeah, I think it's gonna happen again Yeah, but that's the best case scenario I don't I'm not I don't know I feel like an outsider in that in that Situation like the first case race so I kind kinda just wanna let people do their thing. Like here, I can riff all fuckin' day, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that was still when you were in that weird, weren't you gettin' shit on for being in front of camera? Probably, yeah. You have a weird interlocutor between brain and mouth, because every time you just be yourself, it works. I know, I know. But I also get the trouble. But every time you try it, never does.

When you try it never Try to be someone else that's when that's actually true though when I was doing Content and I wasn't a content guy. It was way easier. Oh, yeah Yeah, right a second at you now. It's like you got when you have to try. It's like this is fucking hard I don't know and it's not as natural but when I was just like doing it and letting it fly way easier Mm-hmm, so you're right. I don't know and it's not as natural but when I was just like doing it and letting it fly way easier. Mm-hmm So you're right. I don't know I it gets me into trouble too. Cuz like I said, I do things I got pretty bad anxiety. So like I'll think I'll overthink it and worry about it It's something I said on a show for like weeks. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'll text mook a lot and just be like, hey Can we cut that and he'll be like it's fine. I'm like, I just don't there's like weird things I get hung up on

Yeah, but I'm like, why did I say that? I probably shouldn't miss it. But whatever if people like it and like it's fine. I'm like I just don't there's like weird things. I get hung up on yeah But I'm like why do they say that I probably should miss it, but whatever if people like it. I think it's funny That's good all right this episode wouldn't be possible without butcher box the incredible deals on premium cuts from butcher box Deals that's good or hard to come by at the grocery store with butcher box. I'm a slid into like a Liverpool accent I don't want to go to a store These deals are hard to come by that was whatever butcher box. I love the meat. I love a t-bone I love a ribeye well pork chops are my favorite actually of any meat when I go to a nice steakhouse chops Yes, I go mutton some pork chop. I go pork chop, but butcher box Get it sent right to my house. It's perfect for me

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to celebrate your wins and make adjustments for the rest of the year. Thereby can help you take stock of your progress and achievable goals for the next months. I still use it. I still text my guy once a week, just checking up. It used to be long conversations. It's kind of gotten shorter now because I'm feeling better.

It's working. It's unbelievable. It's always he's the man, but it's never they're the men. So you gotta celebrate your wins with a group of friends. Yeah, that's right. And it's entirely online. It's convenient, flexible, suited for your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire,

get matched with a licensed therapist, and switch therapists at every time for no additional charge. Take a moment. Visit betterhelp.com slash new today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H e l p dot com slash new is help. The easier word to spell than better because they want me to spell out help.

I think better would be harder to spell. B E T T E R help dot com. No, I might throw in two R's at the end of better. Yeah. Help is a little bit easier. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I might throw in two R's at the end of better Yeah Help is a little bit easier. Yeah, I think so yeah, but anyways better help comm slash new What what was the most recent thing I'd get cut? Are you just gonna cut it again? Yeah Yes, there's one there was one last week where we were like no it didn't get cut was the the BET Baltimore

Oh, yeah, that was fine I think I don't know I ever thought that that was totally fine if anything the girlfriend talk last week Yeah, maybe because how did that go? Yeah? Yeah, so our girlfriends are friends and They did like their first dinner together, and we were horrified of the conversation all you without you without us Wow uh-huh Yeah, that's tough territory. Yeah. How was your post, the post game? Good, we don't really speak, so. Oh great.

Yeah, you guys haven't talked since, so it must have gone really well. In the healthiest way possible. We would never be like, oh, let's talk about what happened today. It's like, do your parts, hang out. It's like we live, like, what's in front of our faces now? Like, oh, what's on the TV now?

What are we eating now? What's on the VR now? I've had the pleasure of going out with you two, and you guys would just point at things and say what they are. Yeah, we label them. We narrate our surroundings. Yeah, you're human label makers.

That was my, that was the entire extent of my job as an early intervention specialist. You go into the home and you teach the parent to teach the toddler to just go and label their surroundings to get them to talk more. Yeah, and then so what I do. Yeah, you guys would go out, we'll be at the bar and you'll just be like, cup.

Bench. Bench. Statue. Yeah, and then you'll look at me and be like, I love this woman. Yeah, and then you'll look at me and be like, I love this woman. Yeah, you guys, it's really, it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. No, no, that's not true. I know, no. You guys have a good thing going.

Yeah. When are you getting your second cat? You've been pussyfooting. You have a pet, Dana? Wait, where do you live? I live at my fiance's parents. second cat, you've been pussyfooting. You have a pet, Dana? Wait, where do you live? I live with my fiance's parents. We have a dog. They have a dog. You live at your in-laws' house.

Yes. So as soon as you had this explosion, I'm sure you got a nice raise and everything, that's when you decided to move in with your fiance's parents? It's been a, listen, I love them very much, so it's a great situation And they're there it's not if it was a fiance's parents that sucked and I couldn't stand them

I can see why would be bad, but it's like yeah, I'm saving so I don't pay as fucking sent in rent I have to make dinner for you. Yeah, but meals. What do you do? Do you do chores do you take out the I always offer I take up? Do you do chores? Do you take out the I always offer I take up? Do you do chores I always offer I Do offer I take out the trash and then you know I like doing yard work But there's never really much yard work to do because they have guys that mow the lawn so is you're in the basement We are in like our own little Room where we have a back room in a bathroom in our room, okay?

So and then there's the kitchen and then everyone else is like upstairs. And do you like farting stuff? I don't. I haven't farted in front of my fiance yet. Yeah, I've never I've never I haven't done it. I haven't farted. I'm weird about that. I think it's I just I don't think it's you do that like first day so much. And it's you know, I have to. I don't even fart in front of like I'm not a fart guy.

I don't I'm embarrassed. And even when I fart in front of the boys and like it gets out and it reeks out I you did he out past the plan I used to be like a fart guy And then I don't know what something changed my life where I just I think I got Skoulded for it by like an adult once and I just I don't fart in front of my boys anymore I never was a fart guy. I was a big moon guy. I used to love mooning I mooned a basketball court once outside. That's what? You mooned a basketball court.

I drove by a basketball court and I mooned them. The court? Oh, and players on the court. There's players on it. You just took out your butt in private if you just mooned a basketball court. You mooned a basketball court. There's players on it.

Okay, yeah, I think mooning is hilarious though. It is funny. I'll sneak moons into like- You don't see moons anymore. No, you on it. Okay. Yeah, I think mooning is hilarious though. It is funny. I'll sneak moons into like little. You don't see moons anymore. No, you don't. Moons are awesome. I'll sneak moons into rediscovering. I just love showing my little tookas.

Moons are fun. I think the last person I heard about pulling off a moon was Pat. Gay Pat was blackout drunk at a bar. Moons. But his moons are like probably like spread. Spread. Yeah, he's really.

He's asshole. Yeah. I don't wanna see asshole. You can see see you can see the craters you could see the fucking light from his mouth Honestly cheeks you just want cheeks The more I think about it Dana you moving in with your fiance's parents is like with the most alpha thing I can think of Yeah, this is my place now, and I'm gonna sleep with your daughter to fuck your daughter The most alpha thing I can think of yeah, this is my place now the way I'm gonna sleep with your daughter fuck your daughter Nice place thanks for dinner now. I gotta go Basically I was like we were just having a conversation with my fiance I was like I just want to start saving money better or whatever She's like well you can move in with us, and I'm like let's do it

It's as simple as that so it wasn't as alpha as you think she offered me You know but that's even more outside looking in is alpha Yeah, it's nice to be not in the city get some grass in the backyard and see nature every now and then Mm-hmm, what's your commute into work? It's like an hour hour 15. Okay? Yeah With the bad yeah, but it all. But not paying rent is incredible. It's incredible. And it's a fun a fun house to be at. And we got a dog.

To answer your question, we got a dog. There it is. Yeah. It's a fucking man. It's my boy. So it's nice. When are you getting married? Next May. Where at?

Cape Cod. Oh, nice. Yeah. So you have a year. You're going to be real trim by then. We'll'll see I the thing about Ozempic is I'm I don't know How it's it's not I don't know how I'm not beating Ozempic because I still eat like shit Yeah, but I don't need a lot. I don't work out. I bet you'd be a lot bigger if you weren't on it No, but because I eat less, but I thought it does I thought it like I didn't I don't know it makes you

Like for dinner tonight, I'll eat half of what I knew you That's all that matters. What is that? What's the what's the rig? I want to get JP Krasnianos for lunch great usually we get two sandwiches in the fat days Do you? Love there, I can't decide so I get both both but they all to get one Yeah, that's that's a regular amount. Yeah, you're gonna be thin in no time Your body is probably like oh god, thank god, you know when people stop those epic I think it's like 98% of people gain 110%

Going to get extremely fat again, but that's okay I see a crossfit era in your in your future. I said I said this week was gonna be the week I started I think as soon as you turn 30 you retire the beers and then you do something Oh, no, do you know if you know do the health kick? I know what he's doing. How old are you? I think you enjoy your 20s. Yeah, enjoy them in your late 20s, but once you you got a stop What do you think this Luke Holmes thing is about I'm trying to pivot a little bit. I like that I'm trying to pivot from the downs. Wait. What are you wait? What's the if anything? This is the most stagnant move Is there such thing as an idle move? A to point a from binge drinking to just like a beer day

So when you're on these bachelor trips, that's been that's been on these bachelor trips. That's been true. But you've only done how many bachelor trips? So my thing was I want to post a video a day. That's all I want to do because I don't want my shit to get dry. What's the perfect thing to do? The lowest form of social media. Day one of doing this until this happens.

But it's working. But a lot of people quit. How many days are you into? 37. Has he ever responded? No. Has other country music music artists have though right Marty Hardy commented on one of them, okay? You're like affiliated with yeah, yeah, but again. I want to earn it I like the idea of you having like a hit list like you're like a hit man Steve Austin next

I want me to see that see I want you to get to the level of like really like I want somebody Trump I want me to see I want you to get to the level of like really like I want somebody Trump I want Not even that I want like Lin-Manuel Miranda. Yeah, really weird outside of your realm Yes, that would be funny, but then it's like day 8,000 you know if you get if you get Wanda Sykes, I'll give you Wanda Sykes and bow and yang yeah Yeah, just do bow and yang next He's the gay Asian from SNL. Yeah, he played the iceberg I don't know what does that mean he played an iceberg the Titanic iceberg was his big break And like an enemy no no he was like in a skit. Oh, yeah, I remember that

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Who is that? It's Krikatot. Yeah, there was a certain level of Pokemon that I stopped. I'm more of a OG Pokemon guy. So Krikatot is? It's a one foot tall, 4.9 pound bug that sheds its skin and makes a xylophone like sound when it stumbles so Cricketune what it evolves into I believe it has the loudest Pokemon cry. I'll play it cricket hot

Sucks its cricket taught is you can't a five pound bug is too big for a bug too small for a Monster is there anything else a one a one foot bug is a monster. It's Yeah, I'm but I'm wrapping that in duct tape and using it as a water polo ball. How many Pokemon are they broke a thousand? Yes, yeah, I was like I was like a hundred guy, but the original was a hundred fifty one I was like 151 yeah, okay, so just the red and blue yeah, so that's a Pokemon There are real life things that are way better Pokemon Pokemon are based off talk about the Appalachian Cola alligator snapping turtle Appalachia Cola, which is in Florida That's the name of it. That's the In like it's in rivers. I think it's one in Georgia. I

Wasn't saying this town Appalachian space Cola. Oh the breed of alligator snapping turtle It's the size of a Kia Forte. No, it is huge. It's it looks like a shop vac with a hoodie on no These things are in rivers and they live up to 200 years and Are up to 200 years and are up to 200 pounds That's it 200 years 200 pounds turtles live too long. That's like if Susan B. Anthony was still alive Oh my god who I'm assuming is fat. It's Susan B. It's a fat name. No no she was skinny Susan B Anthony yeah, do you think where do you think? What's the word reincarnation is real? Jesus we were just talking about a Susan B. Anthony was fat

I don't know the turtles made me think of that for something Susan B Anthony that sounds like a like a black uncle describing his trans uh, uh, now son. Yeah, yeah. Susan B. Anthony now. Oh, shit. Susan B. Anthony now. Susan B. Anthony now. Fuck, you know what I mean?

Y'all here? Susan B. Anthony. I don't know, Lord, I don't know. Reincarnation? I hope. I don't know why the turtles made me think of that. I hope that too. I like to believe that the better you are in this life, you could like ascend into something

or descend if you're bad. What's like better than what we have now? Probably like some sort of like LeBron. Yeah, probably LeBron. Yeah, probably LeBron. Yeah. If you knew for a fact reincarnation was real and you were going to be LeBron in your next life, would you kill yourself now?

No, okay, but but you don't get LeBron if you don't would you live a little bit riskier? Would do what am I still LeBron no matter what no right at this exact point you're LeBron It's like a slot machine every day a different person. I enjoy my life too much Yeah, he kind of has a better life than LeBron Yeah, I must have had a good first. He doesn't have to like work out and play basketball You must have been LeBron in a past life Yeah, it might be you. It is you dude You can only go down. You better try to live forever. Yeah, I only can get better

What we got to figure out who died on the day you were born? Oh, that's a cool. Oh, yeah I would like to know as well No How old are you Dana? figure out who died on the day you were born oh that's a cool oh yeah no no All right, yeah, that makes way more sense. 1992. You're Bob Backwood, dude. Who the fuck is Bob? No, Gene O'Donnell, actor from Ape, and Sterling Halloway. The Jungle Book? Oh, he's a-

I was probably Sterling. You think you were Sterling Halloway? I could be Sterling, yeah. Who am I? I'm, oh, I'm fucking Jesus. N'Valpa Khan Patharsisarvi. Oh, nice. What did he do? Yeah, that's me. A geneticist. Genet- We got some similarities. You think so? I got good hair. Yeah. Yeah, you do have good hair. Yeah. I'm looking at mine. If you started to lose your hair, would you get

would you fly to Turkey? Depends what age. Like if I'm if it happens when I'm 45, probably not. I think you have the good look for a bald guy. Yeah, I'd probably. Yeah, I could be a shaved head guy. I kind of want to shave my head, actually. Yeah, I want to just start it over. You know, you want to go you want to do a factory reset. Yeah, I wanna just start it over, you know? You wanna do a factory reset, shave your head? Yeah, I think shaving your head would be,

it's just like a, there was one point I had it and I looked kinda like Gronk and I liked that. You looked like Gronk? Yeah, like when I had a skin fade. Oh yeah. Skin fade, it was just skin. When I started, you had long hair. Yeah, that was the-

Oh yeah. That was a fun time. I don't do that anymore though anything else boys Something from last episode I had a guy DM me that the Helen Keller episode made his wife an anus fan Oh, right. Yeah Wow She agrees with the movement if you could go back in time and do one thing. What would you do? Well, how far forever? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Does someone say something about Helen Keller? We you got to give Helen Keller a vibrator

The fact that she didn't have one is I love that you're as I love that you're blotting your head like a Baptist preacher, but with a fucking rubber fist He's been holding that the whole time Yeah, he's like I had before we start records like I have to hold something What I need to hold something and he grabbed onto that I'd probably like I'd probably like play college basketball or something Do anything Yeah, yeah, yeah, like could you have Is that what you're saying? I could have played You know, yeah. Fun. Yeah.

Like, could you have is that what you're saying? I could have played D3. Yeah. Yeah. Would you like that? Yeah. That's what I. Wait, where'd you go? Life would have turned out a lot differently, I think. You don't know that. I think it would. I would have been on a better.

I don't know. I think this is your landing spot no matter what. Yeah, I don't know. I would have been like less of a binge drinker in college and more of an athlete. And that's not true. No. You're right. I would have quit. If I was better at wrestling, I would have been like less of a binge drinker in college and more of an athlete Yeah, and that's not true. No, you're right. I would have quit if I was better at wrestling I would have been like oh, I'm gonna this is gonna be my life I'm gonna be a coach for the rest of my life And then I would never be here to the point where you could probably be a coach a head coach at most Good high schools, but I would have been more passionate about the sport if I was better

And I would have been like I'm gonna stick in this community as forever as I can and yeah Would you ever cut like if you have a little boy? Would you ever would you ever coach his squall? No, I don't know technique. I was all grit. Yeah Yeah, I thought you were all technique. No, I was all hip strength. Okay Interesting stuff. Do we want to talk miss Alabama at all? No. No. She's hard to miss. Yeah. That's all I have to say about that. See Alabama. See Alabama. It ain't Miss Alabama. That's can't miss Alabama. Okay. I won't keep it. I'll keep it.

It's a skill set. She's a pretty girl. Sarah Milkman? Her name's Milkman? No, it's Milliken. Sarah Milkman. Who's the most unlikely big name that fucks with you, Dana? Ooh. Nick has a some. Rest in peace to morning's burlap. Who's the most unlikely like big name that fucks with you Dana? Oh?

Nick has a some rest in peace to my boys Morgan Spurlock I like randomly I can't think of one on top my head, but like Sam Laporta follows me I didn't realize that I would expect he's a tight end like that was like that's your audience Tight end a white football player Wait what are my weird ones? I feel you have a few. You tell me. I don't think I have. Megan Kelly, the.

Yeah? The Fox News. Yeah, that would be, that's unlikely. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I think she follows a lot of us. I think I was a lot cooler like four years ago. Everybody was.

And that's probably when I had like, like Morgan wall and was tweeting at me and shit now I don't think I get it as much, but I can't think of anything anyone yeah It's a good question. I have to go and look who's yours Kyle Yeah, I guess In the Twitter days there was soldier boy fucked with you right now. He just he bowed down told him to and he did it You told soldier boy to bow down to you, and he did it he did yeah Yeah, he doesn't like doing that either. No. No. I think it's a gif I Know it's a you know you don't just think it's a yeah, I used you used it

Yeah, I downloaded the gif app just for that. Yeah, I thought I had Dylan O'Brien for a while and it turns out it was a fake account. Yes, obviously it was a fake account Okay, I got Winnie Cummings bitch Dylan O'Brien ruined my chance at stardom. She named her kid after me What did he do? He got hurt on the set of Maze Runner and postponed the reality show is supposed to be on I'm actually like legitimately sad about that for you. Thanks, man. That would've been really cool. All right, good episode, boys.

It's great. Ew! What was that? I don't know. Is that your new sign off? Yeah. Happy Juneteenth. Why'd you do it in a British accent?

Happy Juneteenth. I'm over here in America. Oi! Happy Juneteenth. I thought I'd come here in America. Happy Juneteenth. I thought I'd come over to America for Juneteenth. This is our Juneteenth episode with Dana Beer.

Quarter African American Dana Beer. God bless.