A New Untold Story - The Path To 200 Knives Feat. Feits & Will Compton - A New Untold Story: Ep. 330

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

Live from Arizona with Feits & Will Compton the path to 200 knives begins. Ads: Gametime Download the Gametime app at https://barstool.link/GametimeApp and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). AND if you’re going to the big game, get $100 off your purchase with code BARSTOOL100 – even if you’ve bought tickets with Gametime before.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. I don't know the episode number. We got Fasoli on the board, so you're not going to be able to hear this episode anyway. So we put out a tweet that we were going to be joined. We gave a hint. We had a red-skinned potato and then just the word gay. And you guys, it was a 50-50 split of who it was.

50-50? Yeah. Because he has red skin on his body and you were one and you're both just you're both gay yeah yeah i didn't know will was gay yeah yeah yeah i mean you gotta suck a dick to know you don't like sucking dick so if they're like they're judging on that one time then that's their yeah that one mis? Yeah. So we usually start the episode with telling jokes. But it's been a really busy week. Mini golf yesterday.

Just a long ass day. It fills up the schedule. Yep. But I guess you guys have jokes to tell. Oh, wow. Did I write you guys? You guys both wrote. For credit, boys.

I guess fights is going to go first. Yeah. You guys both wrote jokes for the show today. Right. So I'm reading them about myself. Yeah. Okay. These are your jokes you wrote.

I don't even know what's on the paper. Okay. I'll go first. Yeah. For the record, my brain is literally dead. Okay. I am very tired. I am struggling.

But anyway, my name is Fights. Yeah. I am one of two lead men in KFC radio. After talking to Will, you'd realize he should be the lead man in the film radio. He is retarded. Are we going to go bang bang? No, no, no.

You can go all the way. Do I read that part? A duel of Clancy Feidelberg sounds like a high-powered, respected law firm. Compton Taylor sounds like where I can go to get my F my, my FUBU is hemmed. A Compton Taylor is where you get your FUBU is hemmed.

Stay in your lane. I should read these before I read them out loud, but I'm not going to, uh, tail of the wands, giant tattoo depicts. Oh, I'm sorry.

Tail of the wands, back giant tattoo. That doesn't make sense. Giant back tattoo. Yeah. That's the wrong way. Tail of the wands. Giant back tattoo? Yeah, that's the wrong way. Taylor LeJuan's giant back tattoo depicts a lassoing cowboy.

Ironically, the only time Will sees it is during Reverse Cowboy, when they're fucking one another. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one, Fife. If we ever did a joint show... Wait, before... Read that one first. I don't even know if you want to say that one because you make good money and that one might get you in trouble

oh yeah no you don't want to say that last one you don't want to say that one that one i i almost read it and i was like wait never mind no what did you write for us if if we ever did a joint show we could call it busting with kfc yeah i get it yeah but rosa oh oh wow where were you going with that man jesus dude that's fucked up so i was the last one i'm sure the last one's the best no no no it's not none of i couldn't believe it or not couldn't think of anything to make fun of you for really that's what he was saying yeah yeah so i'm up yeah i guess so will yeah that's yeah you and i have gone down very different paths i picked up

pigskin while your pink ass was born with it you were he picked up pigskin you were born born with you were born with i was born with yeah look at you somebody looks so jewish but so non-kosher at the same time do i look jewish yeah really yeah i think so and your last name doesn't know my last name is heidelberg not jewish it's latvian i don't know if you ask a jewish person they would probably go like oh so you were a bad one oh okay you have like a curl to your hair and a nose yeah the nose the nose in the name yeah i actually thought you were jewish because of how excited you were to do a podcast with me today. A free agent. He thought it was a good deal. Oh, a free agent.

No man has ever been pinker. Fights FaceTimed me during my wife's baby shower, but my phone was casting to the television and everybody thought it was the gender reveal. They thought it was a girl. John lives on the top floor of his apartment, but he looks like he should be on the top floor of a pencil.

Oh, damn. God damn. That was for me, dude. What the hell? I hate going into Barstool HQ because all I hear is Dave sucking off the pats and fight sucking off Pat. Pat sucks me off. Yeah, that's true.

Come on. off pat that sucks me off yeah that's true come on the bus and studio is directly next to a crematorium and i have inhaled significantly less men than fights that's actually you guys are right next to where they burn corpses they are yeah i played nine years in the nfl your legacy is that you made a flag that shares a dorm wall with a boondock saints poster take this l flag man literally take the l from the word flag man um no work will uh fights i know you have to go pretty soon i'm sorry we had to rush through that i know you wrote those i know you were up really late writing those You skipped dinner with Dave

Yeah I did I got Dave Portnoy's phone number last night He texted me and invited me to dinner That was my first text from him in a long time Yeah mine too He texted me and I had to go walk To Circle K I was shook I'm in the middle of hell with this whole thing right now Because. I was like shook.

I'm in the middle of hell with this whole thing right now. Cause dinner, I was the first to get up and Dave just texted the group chat where he was body bagging us. And he goes, quick update. The only person on this text chain who didn't text me a sincere apology separately was Will Compton.

Oh dude. Maybe your Tim wasn't a league black ball, but teams just don't want that type of selfish guy in the locker room just a thought jesus quit i've responded i'm wanting to do it in person my response my response i fucking i i gargled him big time i was like boss man exclamation point wish i could but you know me i got an early morning shoot and i gotta write some jokes for tomorrow and he just said good hard answer but apparently he called me a kiss ass in front of everybody which is true yeah i mean you gotta play the game yeah would you so we went to dinner it was it was a very nice restaurant probably the best in arizona yeah i'm in a steakhouse it was going along three hours so a long dinner

course is coming i think they they there was a point when there was three rounds of eucalyptus towels there was a tree yes were you there no i wasn't okay so i kind of jumped the shock when the tree with like the pastries on the limbs came out brought a pastry tree dave is treating us to dinner and you guys just up and leave before the bill what was your thought process the thought process was really deranged hang on with what was other people maybe if it's a three-hour dinner with dave you have to know this is coming so the thought process was is a massive room like it was a big reservation we're down isolated on this end of the table we've been done with dinner for like over an hour i mean three rounds of there's more plants and beignets coming well i mean well fuck what we're just

supposed to eat the whole thing like we're sitting there talking lulls in conversation at all like you couldn't the back end half the people are on their phone and everybody's just kind of like you know how many people are there i don't know know. What, 12? Probably. I thought it was going to be 30. So, Will. Will is a small number. I mean, we weren't all sitting. We're literally, like, sitting on the long row. We're down there at the end.

It's 1130. And I'm thinking, like, I'm going to meet the boys to have drinks. And we had eaten dinner. And it has been a minute. Three rounds of lavender towels. So, I just went ahead and booked an Uber. Because I'm like hey i'm gonna roll like what like what are we all still like doing like waiting on it we had to

pay for it you guys left me and jersey jerry and sweatpants had to cover the tip no way really it wasn't about 8500 it was nine thousand dollars you and jerry b jerry the remaining fellas had to cover the tip no way i honestly can't i'm in people well no couldn't no no idea i have no idea seventeen hundred dollar tip brandon walker leaves a twenty dollar bill on his seat walking out because he we went out there to go get in the Uber it was me Caleb Caleb's girl what's up yeah they were just caught that off guard by his flabbergast he can't fathom this so we get up I go down to Dave I'm like hey man thanks a lot for dinner shake his hand and then we banter back and forth about something maybe like the mini golf tournament or something like that.

And go out to the front to wait on the Uber. And then Brandon comes out and he's like, Oh, thank God. I was like wondering like when somebody was going to get up to go. And so we get in the Uber and all of a sudden Dave just text the group chat with like me, Caleb, Hank,

Brandon, and just talks about you guys just getting up before the bill comes. And like, just one of the most disrespectful things I've ever seen. It was a $9 deal. He was the, even like the staff was involved. They were all clowning you guys. They said, I've never seen anything like this. They agree.

We've had every celebrity you can think of roll into here. We've never seen anything remotely close to this. Wow. That's, I mean, that seems a little, seems like a very reaction. Sure does. You know what I mean? can think of rolling to here we've never seen anything remotely close to this wow that's i mean that seems a little i know a very reaction sure does you know what i mean like i don't know i do when i heard it last night when hank got to the bar and told me he left early i was like you're better than that hank is just smarter than that he knows he knows that he knows that you don't you're a wild animal and caleb like their anxiety was through the roof driving back and i was just

like just blame it on me because I got the Uber. And I was like, yo, the Uber's coming. Like, I'm rolling. But who saved you? Brandon Walker. Oh, yeah. By being a bigger moron. Brandon's move.

Yeah. Overshadowed leaving. I heard Dave was more focused on that. And I almost think like, how? Because that almost seems like a funny joke but I guess the way Brandon was explaining it it wasn't necessarily the best way to play that would be like yeah I was fucking around I knew this was going to be a 10k

meal when he left 20 Brandon left a $20 bill left a Jackson Walker come to Mr. Walker came to yeah but he said he said he left because he had to shit and that's why he left. He said he was in a panic. No toilets at that place? I guess not. That's up for debate.

He came out. Brandon came out right after us and then we left. I didn't realize how big. In hindsight, it's like, hey, are we good to go? I'm thinking, what are we still doing sitting down? It's three hours. I get it.

That's a long dinner. 1130 at night. The bill's not there yet, dude. But you don't, when it's that big of a room, you don't necessarily know if the, like where I was sitting, I didn't know that the bill was. I went to Dave and thanked him for the meal.

Was Big Cat there? No. Was Taylor? No, Taylor couldn't make it. So were you the second wealthiest guy there? Oh no. I don't know. You guys are dead.

He was wearing sweatpants. He was wearing sweatpants, dude. Yeah, I mean, hindsight looking back, I wish I would have been like, you know, are we good to go? Like, is everything taken care of? Because it was like we were all just kind of sitting there. Not that we weren't having a conversation, but I'm thinking going to meet you guys at Pattyty's and stuff like that i'm like i mean it's it's 11 30 yeah so that's why i got the uber like i didn't know what it's not like i'll say this i wasn't thinking that far ahead like the the brain it wasn't moving like that so i wouldn't have thought about it anyway

but i was i was also thinking like we're all probably just sitting here somebody's probably waiting for the first person to stand up. You thought you were a hero. You were a hero to some people. This is a bad look. You will literally never hear the end of it. So I hope that was worth it. Wait, really?

I was talking to Brandon. He was like pacing and, you know, looking all like, you know, huffing and puffing. I was like, dude, this is a one day thing. No way. Dude, Dave will talk about this forever. Brandon walked out on a $9,000 meal early and left a $20 bill. That is a.00025% tip. Dude.

Oh, man. What are you going to do? Oh, man. It doesn't happen. So you guys haven't been on the show in a minute. KB has a new segment where he heat checks a mayor, like a small town mayor on Instagram. Whatever the area code is of the number episode we're doing.

He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor.

He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. He checks the mayor. I know you have to go. I'm sorry, but you might have to miss the heat check. Damn. Yeah.

I'll go now. Yeah. Sure. So I'll do it before we get into this. We got a brand new sponsor that we've never had, but every other podcast in the entire world has had this as a sponsor. Right, buddy.

Let's finish that. No, no. We're the number one podcast at Barstool in ad retention. People don't skip our ads, so don't fuck it up for us. Yes, sir. Three Chi boys.

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USA grown hemp. Anus listeners get an exclusive 15% discount. To all of 3Chi's premium THC products, go to 3Chi, that's the number 3, chi.com. Use promo code ANUS15 to get 15% off your order. You guys have to be 21 or older. So Rudy, do you know the episode number? It's 3.30, but I just want to say, I just want to have a 15 second now 10 second interjection about 3Chi.

It's a fantastic product. Once again, biochemists have made it and it works incredibly well and it is legal and the 10 seconds are up. So yeah, good. That was well said, Rudy. I've been sitting on this for a couple weeks. I have to just admit it. I had another instance. You went back

to the hospital for a week? Not like that. It it i had another instance you went back to the hospital for a week not like that it was it was it was worse but i didn't go to the hospital it was baby jeter uh those are the little dog walker joints with a half on the outside right and the worst part is i have footage i guess in my stupor, I made my girlfriend record me. It is the cringiest piece of media in my camera roll. And that's saying something. Can I see it? I'm debating on playing. What about just letting Willie see it? It's not.

No, it's just the audio. You can't see anything because it's dark. Okay. But you made her record you? I made her record me. I thought I was like a legitimate case i thought again it's crazy how your mind you know you're just high but there's always that percent chance that something else is askew and it sends you into a fit of panic that you can't control and

are you off the baby jeeters oh that's what i'm saying you gotta you gotta once you fail like that you gotta increase your tolerance and go ten times harder the next day so I did two Jeters the next day you did two Jeters the next day how'd that go wait we can't continue the story until we hear the recording it's just not even fun

I'm sure it'll be entertaining I'm not expecting you to be witty in your stupor even if it's like a it seems sufficient here let's see ambulance but you thought you were going to die you're not the star of this show

you're the you're the camera man shit I told you to keep talking you was getting camera shy for a second I told you to document talking. You was getting camera shy for a second. I told you to document this for medical reasons because

this is a case that other people have never had. I want it to at least go down that there's footage of my case. Shut the fuck up. I made her document it

like it was I thought it was going to be used in cinema in a lab but you think you're dying and your girlfriend who you really really care for and I said you're trying to be the star of the show because you know this is about me she kept talking

you're not the star of the show you're the cameraman oh my god um he turned into hannah cook oh no oh man that was bad so um what is uh no no i'm glad you shared that with us i'm glad you're opening up to us yeah and you made it through and so i know you're taking down two baby jitters nah i can only do one. They're so small. I don't know. I don't know. Do you have any with you?

I do. I want to do one. You guys want a baby Jeter tonight? I don't know. Hearing about his, the chance of like the paranoia. You get the paranoia eye, like it's just a different animal. Yeah. Yeah.

To such an extreme extent that it. Yeah. You like really overthink everything. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't, then you don't understand how you woke up the next morning. It's a hard drug. It's,

it's a hard, you buy it at a convenience store, but I'm saying I understand. Like I, I'm like weed is, is a hard drug the way I do it. Shit. Yeah.

All right. Um, Rudy, what's our episode number uh it's episode 330 330 isn't that like northeast ohio that's kent fuck why did i not just do that what did you do i went to the next i guess to uh whatever all right we'll do kent yay that's where you were that's where you were raised so i can you were raised. So I can do that. Or we use our episode number and we go to that area code and Kyle finds the mayor of that area code. Look at their Instagram, check their heat. Checks their heat. You got some dirt.

So this one, what did I do? I did. You think you do Washington, D.C.? Washington, D.C. We have not had a white mayor yet. So fingers crossed. White mayor, white mayor. 202 on the area code um white mayor muriel oh this is the mayor of washington dc this is the mayor of the capital of the u.s

any of you know who it is i thought that would just be uh the president no it's it's muriel bowser bowser yeah muriel bowser on instagram woman m-u-r-i-e-l bowser not white not white dude we haven't had a single white mare is that what you're hoping for no no we're just it's just odd i just thought you know eventually there'd be a white mare i'm not hoping no no no yeah you crossed your fingers weird right pull her up yeah rudy can you pull up muriel or up you want to pull her up i got her I got her right here. Because the visual aid helps a little bit. What picture did you heat check?

So, Muriel Bowser, 42.7 thousand followers. Pretty good. 42 on the gram. Like me buying weed in Midtown, getting fleeced by the plug. I think I do get fleeced every time. At the smoke shops, I'm just paying $40 for these little pre-rolls. Yeah. So the first picture is the Mayer playbook.

It's the quintessential standard, the Lunar New Year wallpaper. You know, they always just say, Happy Lunar New Year. And she kept it simple, tried to show the Chinese some love. But if you look at the comments. Yeah. This is where things get interesting. Is this the post? Oh, you don't get to read some comments? All the comments are yeah this is where things get interesting is this the post to read all the comments are frying her for being anti-semitic what yeah yeah you are a shameful

anti-semite what's what's the instagram muriel bowser you spell that i know you can m-u-r-i-e-l they're calling her jew hater undercover shame on you for supporting lies about Israel and ignoring blatant Jew, blatant Jew hatred in D.C. Go home. They're trying to get her out like Rui. She's on her Washington Irvin tip. Rip Van Winkle. But apparently she has a history of welcoming the backlash. She's like post like, I love the haters.

Like shit like that. She's petty with it. Even the official stop anti-Semitism account tried to cancel her. She rolled with it. Bowser's got ops, but yo, she told you hoes. It's all peachy. But I'm going to be honest. Anti-Semitism

is not good for the heat check no i think that's minus a handful of degrees if not maybe warrant for a injury default okay but we'll see she needs saved in the next post what's her next post next post is no caption on a video you know how wild that is no caption on the video it's her in the street the ribbon cutting spot what that ain't the next one what if you delete it does she delete her post that isn't it either what instagram did you find a fake instagram no that's what i saw 137 000 followers i got one that says 131.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We're second on the grid. Double Dutch. She's just on the streets of DC and she just so smoothly and spontaneously just hops into a double Dutch and kills it. Oh,

she's got two IGs. God damn. Okay. We got to look at the fit. Okay. Let's see her fit in the double dutch. She's jumping around in a green hat, brown blouse, blue jeans, bare feet. Oh, shit.

Hopping around in earth tones, 9.5 on the Richter scale. That's cold. That's chilly. Let's look at the hat. Originally, I ID'd it as a Prada cashmere beanie. That's north of $500. Okay. Wrong.

I sent mook to the actually idea it's just an unfolded polar tech shamrock green beanie that's 14 from target that is in fact not designer basil's got green on her head but it ain't designer that ain ain't Luigi. The shirt. A Lehigh brown sweaty rocks ribbed knit turtleneck straight from Amazon like a candiru fish. Only $17.99. That's cheap. Under

$18 for the turtle. Hey, it's Franklin. But I know a lot of you are probably focused less on the turtle and more on what's Franklin. But I know a lot of you are probably focused less on the turtle and more on what's underneath. You see, if you're looking, if you're looking, if you're looking. Get your mind off the gutter, Donatello. One-track mind, but those aren't one-track titties.

Bowser's Moo Moo Farm has Chaco Mountains. Of course, of course. 2D's in motion, has Chaco Mountains. Of course, of course. 2D's in motion. That's Tetris. Got a pair of designated drivers under that blouse. Those bouncers will take you to the club and kick you out. John Wall was pulling up to Rose Bar in the mayor's breasts. Jeans.

Lucky Brand. Unisex. High-rise skinnies. Only $27. Je jeans are simple but clean she's got that brawny denim lucky jeans but not a lot of flair people clowning her fit for not being expensive but those squids got no drip that's calamari desert hey if you look in the back if bowser kidnapped peach i know exactly where she is. She's in the mayor's draws.

She's got Stockholm Syndrome. King Koopa. So, yeah, a very cheap, boring, kind of lame fit. But she's double dutching and she. She's anti-Smitic but I gotta boys what do you think heat check or not I don't think she passes the heat check it's a lame fit but the way she rocks it what do you mean

there's better fits around her and they're double dutching she hates I'm saying no on the heat check failed heat check. What else? Failed. Heat check failed.

What's the rank? Heat check failed. What's the rank of it? It's lukewarm. Okay. It's cold. It's cold. It's a shitty fit.

Yeah. I just can't... Get the black woman. I can't... It's tough. It's tough. Heat check failed. Wow. it's only our second fail and now everybody that listens will uh comment on their instagram yeah i wanted to take you to write that i had to i was hurting when i wrote that i wanted to take a different angle than i noticed she was anti-semitic i don't know

what angle did you want to take? I was trying to find other fits. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Muriel, what makes her an anti-Semite? I don't even know. My brain just does not belong in these conversations.

No, no, I don't. I just laugh when I feel like I'm supposed to. I feel like I'm supposed to. These just operate on different levels. Oh, my God. Ever since I've been here, I told Kyle. feel like i'm supposed to i feel like i'm supposed to just operate on different levels oh my god um ever since i've been here for the suit i told kyle i'm not even joking my my shit my turds smell like dog shit it smells like but it's like embarrassing what do you think it is i don't know but it smells like a dog and it's like yeah of course it stinks but mine smell like a dog's

i'm embarrassed you think that is that is somehow more embarrassing yeah yeah it shouldn't be more embarrassing yeah maybe it's the stella blue oh you're drinking a lot of stuff i drink i buy i drink it every day at the office in new york big cat makes me yeah maybe it's a change of the weather i think that's it it's making my yeah i don't know what's going on, though. Your shit smells like dog shit. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I've been wasting all my fucking money on knives lately. You're trying to get to 200 knives. I want 200 knives by the end of the year. He's trying to get to 200 knives. I want to get to 200. For what reason? Like a lot of guys have tried and failed. One of my boys, I remember he got to 160 pretty quickly.

Yeah. And then he just stayed at 160. It'll wear you out. Yeah, I want to get to 200. I'm buying one a week, but I'm going to have to up it. But I'm only buying certain brands. I only want Damascus Steel. Everyone you buy, is it a price up? I have been trending upwards.

I'm really big into the everyday carry subreddit, EDC, of just what dudes carry in their pockets every day. You know about it? Oh, yeah? And it's just all these dudes showing off their knives, and I just want to get to 200 knives. You want to get in that culture. And so I think I'm trying to sell it to work, like my journey to 200 knives.

It's just me clicking, adding things to the cart. No, no, no. Why would I? I wouldn't show them off like that. What's up? My ETA? What time is it? Oh, no, no. Why would I? I wouldn't show them off like that. What's up? My ETA? What time is it? Oh, no.

Oh, it's 11? Yeah, I said like 15. 11, 15, 11, 20. Short episode today, guys. Sorry. Willie, talk to us, though. How many knives you got? I have, what knife brand do I use?

Some kid sold it to me oh you're rocking Cutco they cut the penny for you I know you had the wallet out you had the money out before Lincoln was snapped they did the penny cut and I was like yeah you got yeah I know dude

but that's what I'm rocking pennies are easily cut. Throw one up. I'll cut it in half with my spider coat. Damascus steel. What's your best knife? I got a little one.

It's called a spider coat. Dragonfly real small, but the best steel money can buy. What's the cost of that on the black market? On the black market? Shit. Probably cheaper than what I got it for. What'd you get it for?

Three 20. You're climbing out of 200 knives. It's going to be pricey. I know. I know. My last knife, if the math checked, my first one was $70. This one was $320. By the time I get to $200, I think the math adds up to like $7 trillion.

You're not getting to $200, though. I'm going to get to $200 knives. I'll knife check next week. I'll have a new knife every week. Do you put them on display in your house? Are you hanging them on a wall? Are you building a chair out of them? You don't really understand knife men.

It's more about just hiding. Game of Thrones. Oh, that would be sick. That would be cool. No, man. It's just for tactical purposes, of which I have none. I've never once opened them. But I want 200.

Yeah. How many are you at now? Two. Okay. Yeah. 200 yeah how many you are at now two okay yeah I mean how many you have you were sold one by a tween none yet the first one is the hardest the first night

is the hardest to buy pulling the trigger on it which is ironic remember your first introduction or my first introduction of you with a knife was you getting ran out of southern Illinois oh yeah we went to a bar and some guy flat what is it called when you with a knife was you getting ran out of Southern Illinois. Oh, yeah. We went to a bar and some guy flat, what is it called? Switchblade. He flipped a switchblade, put it up to my little tummy.

What'd you do? I thought I was a Democrat. Fuck. I thought you guys were racists, but go to Illinois, which is like, that's north. What do you mean? Missouri? Taylor. Taylor was born in California. but go to Illinois, which is like, that's North. That's like, Missouri, your crew. Yeah. Yeah.

Taylor was born in California. Oh shit. I think he claims Arizona. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's like a claim, whatever. Yeah. I think he does claim Arizona for the most part,

but he'll throw in a California every now and then. No, we went to this real backwoods bar. They have a pig walking around. You just feed it cigarette butts. And I was dressed. We were all dressed like colonial men. But my biggest downfall is that I wear glasses. And I guess that gave them the right to call me the N-word.

He's a live getter. Yeah. He was like, you work for the Biden campaign. I was like, I swear I don't. And I pulled up a picture of Dave interviewing Trump. I was like, that's my boss. And he was like, no, it isn't. He's pulled the knife. I think the most racist thing

I did, maybe ever, was they said it's jarring to hear the N-word just so nonchalantly thrown around. And I think some guy said it to me and then I bought him a round of... It was more of a deflection. I think I bought

him green tea shots. I won't say their name. The most racist thing you've ever done? I understand the deflection I think I bought him green tea shots I won't say their name yeah I have a black nephew I'm a black uncle he's a black uncle girl dad black uncle she's amazing I'm obsessed with her

she can't walk yet how old how many months 10 months why do you sound disappointed you're looking at are you a milestone dad i wanted her to be better than me and i was around nine little b was like 18 but he started walking yeah how do you know how do you know how base got like a college and he was like yeah i um look at me like i look at me now i didn't start walking until i was 17 18 didn't learn to walk damn man um that life is good every time i log on to twitter

i'm getting therapy from this dr nicole lapera and it always says you follow her over top yeah she's a great follow credible therapy it's always like dude it's good shit bro appealing it's just like great to me yeah yeah people use snark and sarcasm as a means of um helping with their insecurities everything that i am i wonder if she's performing live at game time you should get a shout out. Yeah, yeah. Say that one again. What was her? Dr. Nicole LaPera. Dr. Nicole LaPera. Follow her on Twitter. She's so good.

There it be on Twitter. GameTime, the app. Sorry, boys. We got to speed through. They crack the code on how to score last minute deals and tickets. Right now, GameTime has a special offer for the big game. All users, not just first time users, can get up to $100 off their big game ticket purchase with code Barstool100.

You guys could get, imagine what you could buy at the stadium with an to $100 off their big game ticket purchase with code BARSTOOL100. You guys could get, imagine what you could buy at the stadium with an extra $100. A lot. A lot, Will. Yeah. Kyle, what would you get that extra $100? Probably get you a cup of water.

I know. Two Jeters. Two baby Jeters. Yeah, I don't know how to light a blunt. Every time I light it, the whole thing catches fire and i have to like blow it out is that a thing yeah i think so yeah right i think you're talking about canoeing oh i don't know but download the game time app and go to the website enter your

email and redeem the code untold for 20 off your first purchase and if you're going to the big game get a hundred dollars off your purchase with code barstool 100 even if you're going to the big game, get $100 off your purchase with code BARSTOOL100. Even if you've bought tickets with game time before, go to the big game. You guys know the one I'm talking about. Yeah. The Kansas City team and the Philadelphia team. Who else do you have to do shows with today? Bert and Shane. Okay.

Christian McCaffrey. Okay. And then I think Spittin' Chicklets. Wait, Kirk Cousins? We just did Kirk Cousins. Oh, did you? Kirk. I think you were pretty wasted. You were scripting what you were going to say.

I talked to him about it. Yeah, I brought it. Obviously, you were referring to the biggest regret outside of the playoff game, but let's talk about the playoff game. What was your biggest regret and why was it the 4th and 11? Three-yard option. Was this your first time meeting him? no no that's the boy

Ben 590 is the boy Missouri days when he had to write it out when everybody was pissed at him for the vaccine thing I was like hell yeah I'm going after my boy 10 toes down Kyle you brought up how that guy said the n wordword and like to deflect you

bought him around yeah i did that with a barstool co-worker i'm not going to say his name but i walked into the bathroom i accidentally saw his dick and i've never hung out with him before i was like dude we should grab drinks which in turn i guess makes me really gay just like i see his dick i'm like oh we should get a drink but i meant to like deflect because like i don't know what to say when i just you you i just see your dick nice we went out and got dinner and i won't say who the co-worker is but i saw their dick and i know i don't have to dinner and you are kind of a meat gazer no no dude you're standing far away like the yeah you like to flex your height on the urinals yeah yeah you yeah you always poke around on me yeah no that that ain't true at all uh there's nothing wrong with me gazing i'm gonna

meet your locker rooms yeah me peeker yeah but how did you even avoid it it's so hard not i would go around the team and ask like i would like do a poll like hey you you and me peeker like be honest and i'll tally everybody to see what kind of percentage we got majority of guys are i think all of them are it's just like are you comfortable in your masculinity to admit it or not you have a gay tale uh what uh no i mean in hockey yeah it's more of like worry about that dude that was wanting to get out oh yeah no i yeah and you like gave him your number or something like no i didn't give my number i gave my my name and then he asked for my instagram and i said no all you get is rudy which was wildly flirtatious as i walked away i was like oh why did i say that i was like why did

i say that much easier to flirt with dudes though so much easier i was spitting game unintentionally uh yeah no but i mean like me gazing like in the locker room you do it and it's more of a joke but yeah you always want to clock your guys's dicks to make sure everyone's you i think that every i could i could see one of my homies dicks that i played hockey with and immediately know who it is oh instantaneously yeah i know that like the like their faces i feel like it's the same for you which to college was awesome several several people yeah high school it's like you know it's your dick is judged on like a size hierarchy yeah that's when people were still in there still they'll clown you for the small one we never showered in high school praise you for the big ones i didn't know about the showering

it was the opposite wait they pray they in college the best thing that ever happened to me was cole baxter he can't he hates when i bring this up but he his he has just a gigantic dick on our team and he just got bullied for it relentlessly and he's like a teacher now right and like everybody Butler County yeah yeah yeah you can look him up man he's just a teacher now and his students like saw that was mad about it yeah what did I

say my friend Jordan Marrero is a teacher and a coach at a high school I said he I talked about his uncircumcised dick and that's what you did yes and then I shouted out his Instagram and then he like rolls into school and like all the kids were like, yo, they were talking about your dick on the yak.

Oh no. Yeah. It was wild. The first time I saw like an uncircumcised piece. Oh shit. That's out there. Yeah. I,

I don't think I've ever seen one in person. That's my journey. No, no, no. I've seen one. Okay. My first,

the first one I saw was also a black one yeah yours too uncircumcised yeah yeah seems like a thing yeah it must be yeah i don't know all the power to them yeah those are the ones you stare at a second longer i feel like yeah yeah man what's that was that was you too are there uncirced wrestlers yeah I have plenty are you no I got it yeah are you circumcised I wish I wasn't

you wish you weren't my fucking pee I got exposed by my pee stain oh yeah Kyle walked up to the yak two days ago and he had just the biggest piss stain on his pants, but it was real high, so I knew the exact length of his dick. Yeah, he might as well

have just had his dick out. I knew the exact length, and it was high. It was high. I need that, though. Personally, I need that. It was almost to the elastic of the waistband. I'm regressing with this mentality. I'm getting more insecure now. Go ahead. Go look on that. I've been more insecure now. Go ahead. Go look on that.

I've been measuring my boner. Look on that doctor's Twitter. You have a serious girlfriend, and you're still sticking that ruler up your groin. You got a ruler? You don't got a tape measure? Oh, I know. Yeah, the ruler. I have like, yeah, when you measure it, and you always push the ruler in a little bit more.

Yeah. You got that indent. There's an indent on my groin. Dig it in. Yeah. You got a dimple. You got a measured dimple. You add a centimeter, then you look up that.

You look up that average. Plus penis, plus is this average. And then you always, Google is good about that. It's the opposite of WebMD. It'll make you feel right. I guess you're right. I go underneath so that way you can pick like the base where the sack is versus like in your groin.

Oh. I feel like it helps you out. I measure from the asshole. Hell yeah. Why not? Measure with no hands. Oh man. Oh man. We have to get to the act. How long have we been recording? Just

people are going to be pissed but that's okay how long do you guys usually go about an hour 20 I know people love the show I feel like you guys have been blowing up more and more um I think our I also feel like you guys don't care

you guys don't want that I'm very happy with where it's at. Yeah. It's been doing, I think it's, I think it started with you. Like you were the turning point when we started taking it seriously. Like,

Oh fuck that people. Yeah. People like listening every once in a while, but no, I'd be fine. I'm fine with the level we're at. We're not going to be, there's no threat of cancellation.

Are you wanting a ceiling on your number? Yeah. You don't want to go. You don't want to be, we get in trouble for not promoing, but I like that. Cause like, I think like if you,

like if I discovered a band, I'm going to like that band more if I found them like on my own. I think there's something about that. I like that. Nah, that's just the excuse I say in meetings. I don't, I don't like,

I don't like tweeting. Yeah. Yeah. You don't. I wish you did more. Nah, you guys are both. I just don't.

Yeah. I worked't I worked like an hour and a half on a tweet like two days ago and I never sent it out because I watched the um the hatchet wielding documentary on Netflix the guy that like

the hatchet viral guy smash and so the hot lumberjack no you all know the guy on tiktok that ripped the logs in half oh fuck this one's tight yeah all girls go crazy for that guy um but no the hatchet wielding guy on netflix i was watching i was like it would be funny if like i got my mom to send me a picture of my page of the yearbook and i photoshopped him in it and i was like holy shit like i went to high school with this guy

but like and I had it circled in red so it was like around him but then like halfway cutting off you could also see that I went to high school with the Babadook and why didn't you post it? I didn't feel like doing it

I deleted it is that even in the drafts no i was just like this too much give it to will i'll give it to you give us give me a picture of your yearbook okay get up if you can get a picture of your book i'll throw yeah and just be like i saw it was like a four panel tweet it was uh the netflix documentary cover and my tweet was like holy fuck i went to high school with this guy and then the yearbook page really really circled on the guy not the baba duke and then i had a picture of me like in a with a club and it was me and him and then the baba duke also there but i just never tweeted it we'll get that figured out you get that off yeah okay i'll give that one to you i mean i'll do you want

me to i'll put you in it like i don't want the credit alright I'll take the credit yeah yeah no no no I don't like the joke I don't like the joke I don't think it's funny alright I'm actually going to respond delete this

swing and a miss you still got time dude I those are the ones that break me the most. I would rather people just straight up hate me than just be like, just like, hey, this was a miss. Sorry, man. Yeah, those are tough to handle and read and stuff like that.

It's worse when they say, sorry, this is a miss. Like, I just say it's a miss. Our TikTok has been getting a lot of tough to look at or tough to watch, or this was a miss like they're i just isn't what you thought it was our tiktok has been getting a lot of tough to look at or tough to watch or this was a tough watch oh yeah that's tough that's um that's not good yeah if you get it after a lot of good compliments you kind of like oh wasn't for them but if they're first the first the first comment well Should we, should we get the thing? Makes or break it. Do you, do you read every comment? No. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Ask me. I read comments, but it's not like I get to every one. Yeah. You read every comment? No,

no, not every, but like, I like it in the first, I check after like the first 30 minutes of something being posted. Yeah. Yeah. I checked,

I checked comments, but I'm not like, I guess seeing every one of them i almost only need to see a comment if it'll be good to use like well this comment's gonna be great to use whether it's like you know the fart thing or do the walk thing or like just have somebody body bag me i guess yeah dude if you're gonna go you're about to go so viral with this baba duke tweet i can wait. Are you the type of dude that you would unfollow your teammates if they didn't

follow you back? That's a good question. I think so. Yeah. Why does he not follow you? Do I not follow you? No, I'm not saying that. Oh shit, I'm saying right now.

I used to do. I follow everybody at Barstool even though I don't get the follow back on sometimes Barstool thing in the bio I usually follow oh man I need to get to another person you both follow each other there we go you got in an actual fight with Riggs last night fist fight

that went exactly how I wanted it to he was like so worked up we gotta go up to the act. I know. Fuck. It's alright. Will, you want to run solo? No. Or we'll come equipped moving forward. This was kind of a rush. A crazy one.

We got something in the works. An award ceremony. Oh, a big award ceremony. Will, we'd love to have you. I would love to be there. Do we want to say what it is or no? He just looks at me. I have no clue what's going through his brain. Dude, I got like one, I got one and a half hours of sleep. That's what I'm saying.

You can tell we're operating on some low levels here. Yeah. It's my brain is just, yeah, he's back. Oh no. You crushed that little. It's beautiful. It's fantastic. That lyrical thing you were doing earlier.

That little lyrical thing you were doing earlier that little lyrical thing you were doing I tried to roleplay as a rapper I want to be a rapper in the culture now yeah alright yeah we have an award show coming up that's where we're putting a lot of time into

hopefully we'll like it people will like it alright thank you guys thank you Will love you guys