A Problem Squared - 066 = Strawberry Yields and Football Fields

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

In this slightly sports adjacent episode... 🍓 Are there more strawberries or old men on earth?  ⚽️ Is Melbourne Rectangular Stadium more or less rectangular than the average football stadium? 🏆 Did Austrailia beat Denmark at the Women's World Cup? Find out here!  🖇 And a healthy dose of Any Other Business.    You can watch Bec's striker skills in action on CBBC's Saturday Mash Up, here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001pnkl/saturday-mashup-live-series-6-episode-6 Here is a link to WayBackMachine used by Bec to research her problem: https://archive.org/ If you'd like some fresh insights into the Global Fresh Strawberry Industry, you can find that here (2022 - 2023): https://www.skyquestt.com/report/fresh-strawberry-market If you too want exclusive access to the latest Magic Square breakthroughs follow this link: https://numbers-magic.com/?p=9988 Here are Ian's joke specifications for fire hoses, adapted from an old set of joke pipe specs dating back to at least the 80s: https://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/87/14917.23.html As always, send your problems and solutions to our website: aproblemsquared.com. And if you want more from A Problem Squared, find us on Twitter,  Instagram. and Patreon.          

Welcome to a problem squared the problem solving podcast that's a bit like the women's football world cup in that it's very nice to see a lot more people getting into it yeah it's just become normal to enjoy yeah yeah yeah the podcast and the women's football world cup it's true do you know what's happening right now oh beck so i should introduce ourselves i'm matt parker i'm like in the world cup i'm the sports analyst on the side of the field who's not necessary to make the game work but does provide occasional insights based on calculations and uh beck is the the striker oh as in that's the only football position that i know i already knew the name of also the bet that would beck would know of as well yeah exactly yeah yeah no goalie that's one no that's true not a goalie

striker yeah i wouldn't yeah but that saidie. Striker. Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah. That said, I know the football position name. I wouldn't know if I know your actual job title. I guess it's comedian, author, broadcaster. What's your official? Depends what I'm. Depends what you're doing at the time.

Yeah, yeah. So now you're striker. Well, simple. You get the ball, you strike it. Yeah. Head of the team, scoring goals. Strike with a bat. head of the team scoring goals strike with a yeah a bat back of the net on this episode i'm gonna work out whether there's more strawberries or old men in this world

i'm investigating the shape of stadiums and there'll be some any other business do you know what's happening right now, Bec? The Women's World Cup? Yeah. Australia are playing Denmark in the knockout round. And I haven't looked up the score yet. Oh, as in while we're recording? Literally now. Right. As of 59 minutes ago.

Oh, okay. Kickoff. So, we're like two-thirds of the way through. People listening, you know, because you're in the future. So shall we look up the score? Let's have a look. Australia. Halftime.

Yeah. We're up 1-0. Yes. Look at that. And people in the future will probably be like, oh, bless them. Bless them. They weren't today. They were there at halftime.

Yeah. Ended up 1 versus 9. Before the incident. Yeah. The national disgrace. Hello, new listeners, by the way. Oh, hello. Yes. Not Before the incident. Yeah. The national disgrace. Hello, new listeners, by the way. Oh, hello. Yes.

Not a sport podcast. Yeah. So back now we've got the score live. Yeah. How have you been? I'm good. It's funny you should mention this because yesterday I was in Glasgow. What?

Yeah. You didn't tell me you were in Glasgow. I know. It was very last minute. Wow. Basically, they were doing a pre-record of Saturday Mashup for CBBC, which I've done a few times. Someone dropped out, one of their guests, and I've done it enough that they've got- Minimal back prep.

They've got back research on me so they can come up with some questions. And I already know what's going on. So, they went, can you get to Glasgow? And I went, all right. So, I jumped up on a a train I went up on Saturday night so I could get some work done and then uh and then we pre-recorded so at the time that this episode comes out I would have just been on television two days ago oh wow yeah but they asked me for this one they said we've got a game and basically I had to kick goals Oh wow How'd that go? Not as well as I would have liked

You had to try and kick as many as you could In 30 seconds Oh okay And so my tactic was to just keep Putting down the ball and kicking it And just keep doing it Numbers game Numbers game

So I got six Well done Yes thank you I don't know if that's good or bad I think it was alright It sounds good There was a ghost in the goalie A ghoulie A ghoulie Yeah which Thatie yeah which is pretty funny which i think is cheating because when

someone in a sheet holds up their arms they're basically a huge barrier yeah so yeah i was up in glasgow doing that i got in sport i got gunged wow children's tv yeah like sitting in a chair and like doused in gunge. It was really fun. What an adventure. Yeah, yeah. And up until 3 a.m. yesterday, I've just finished my DJ set. Oh, this is coming out right after Be Chill.

Yeah. Back up to Edinburgh. Named after lots of people gave suggestions. Great suggestions. Last year. But Be Chill's a good one. So, yeah. It was fun. I very much enjoyed it uh yep oh i got to dress up as a giant dinosaur as well in those big

inflatable dinosaur outfits and do an obstacle course yeah children's tv what about you how have you I, after New York, went to the Amazon rainforest. So, I've had some pretty exciting things. Yeah. I've been up and down trees to see macaw nests. I've been like on the river, on the Amazon river. I got stung by a bullet ant. Yeah.

And I had to really press everyone in our, we have a WhatsApp group. Yeah. Because I was not on that part of the trip. We were all being deliberately stung by a bullet ant for people wondering and i was holding on to find out what had happened whether you guys died we survived you survived listeners you gotta wait for the video oh my goodness it's pretty funny but i thought i would bring something for show and tell from the amazon because i checked i was allowed to take it and I brought it back. While I was there, I found a rock which is more shaped like a cube

than any rock I've ever seen in my life. So we're at a research center in the Peruvian rainforest. And some of the researchers were like, hey, we got some time off this afternoon. We can jump in one of the boats, see if we can go up and down the rivers, see if we can spot any jaguars.

Wow. And then we can pull over and have a beer somewhere at sunset. And we're like, yes, please. No jaguars, didn't see any jaguars. Saw an ocelot. A Porsche. Good car joke. Thank you.

I said Lamborghini earlier, but you were in the zone. Oh, so you looped back around for a second pass. He must have missed that because that's a great gag. Are there any other cars named after animals? Are there any other cars related to animals? Yeah. Beetle. Oh, there you go.

Yeah, I saw beetles. Plenty of beetles. So many. But on this trip, I saw an ocelot footprint, not an actual ocelot. It's as good as it gets. And ocelots are like tiny... Tiny... Tiny...

Tiny jaguars. Yeah, I guess so. And they look like a sort of cat, aren't they? Yeah, they're in the big cat family. How do you titillate an ocelot? How do you titillate an ocelot? I don't know. You ocelate its tits a lot.

I cannot communicate the glee on Beck's face before, during, and particularly after the telling of that joke. I think I love it because it's like, it's rude enough for it to be so enjoyable as a kid. But like, if any kids are listening, I feel like no one can get angry at me. It's not that rude. There are ruder things out there. That is the line you walk in your career

yeah yeah it's very funny sorry do you need a moment no i'm good so so you saw ocelot footprints then i i had to i had to wee and i was like all good like in any kind of film set in a jungle it gets exciting when one person leaves the group to wander off on their own yeah i was like give that a go went off had a wee on on the way back before i could leaves the group to wander off on their own. Yeah. I was like, give that a go. Went off. How do we? On the way back, before I could see the group again, I happened to look down and saw a rock that was more shaped like a cube than any natural rock I've seen in my life.

Look at that. First of all, it's bigger than I expected. I thought it was going to be like the size of a dice. No, that's why it's particularly impressive. The size is an aspect of why it's so amazing. I. No, I feel like. I think I was expecting it to be very cubish.

Okay. And this is like the cube that the child would make with Play-Doh. Yeah, but nature did that. No, I know. Yeah, that is. I think what the problem might be is you're comparing it to a perfect cube. And what you should be comparing it to is every other rock that's not shaped like a cube. Yeah.

Look at it. I'm almost doubtful that this is a natural rock. Like it feels more like something that was a cube and has been worn down. No, no, no, no. That started as a rock. I also found a rock that shaped a lot like a right angle triangle. Now, that is way more impressive. I should have opened with a triangle.

It looks like a sandwich. It does. Look at it. It literally looks like a sandwich. That is like, if you put that in a, I kind of want to get a sandwich before we record the next episode. To compare it. So I can put it into the package. So you reckon I should have opened with a triangle no no no no no that's the correct order okay i build up to the triangle disappointed i because i find the cube more impressive but every other human is like a right angle every

other human's been more amazed but this is all right angles no it's not no it's not it's it's a bit within nature tolerancesives me great joy to hold. Isn't it a great rock? Yeah, I'm really, really thrilled with it. So, there you are. I went to the Amazon rainforest. We'll put photos on. Found some great rocks.

We'll put photos on socials. There'll be photos on socials. When I hold it like this, my palm goes into that small dent. Makes me feel very safe. Great rock. Yeah, those are good rocks. New mascot for the show. Yeah, do you know what?

I'm totally happy. The triangle rock? Cube can go. Hey, hey, hey. New mascot for the show. Yeah, do you know what? I'm totally happy. The triangle rock? Cube can go. Hey, hey, hey. Leave Cube out of this. Our first problem was sent in on the problem posting page at a problemsquared.com. And Dahe, I want to say Dahe. It's spelled D-A-J-E.

D-A-J-E. D-A-J-E. They were wondering if there are more strawberries or old men on earth. And they elaborate as to why they want to know this. They say a kid I live with. Are they referring to offspring? I don't know. They live with a child named Elliot. Maybe Elliot helps pay the rent. like a housemate you know it could be a niece or nephew or something yeah elliot asked when they were

eating their newly picked strawberries because in in the language they was talking in swedish apparently the word for strawberry is uh your gober i'm not gonna say that ever again but it's made of two parts yord jord meaning soil or dirt or earth and gube guber meaning old man so the literal translation of the strawberry from the sw is dirt old man. That's ridiculous. But it did, it makes me wonder a lot of things. It made Elliot wonder, are there more regular old men or are there more dirt old men in the world? Which is to say, are there more strawberries or old men? And now we know why that's important. Bec, you've worked it out.

Yes. Well, and by worked it out, I Googled it. How can that be Google-able? Well, that's what I thought. And then the first thing that came up was a website, which was bedtimemath.org. Excellent. I'm on board already. So, a math website for children.

To do at bedtime. That was like, are there more strawberries or people? Oh, okay. Or people. Yeah. But I figured that then gives me like, that'll give me a better understanding of how many strawberries or people there are. There are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I have a guess? Sure. What do you want to do first? Well, no, have a guess.

Sure. What do you want to do first? Well, no, have a guess. Because one way of doing people versus strawberries is how many people... I guess it changes with the season, right? Because there's not always the same number of strawberries. Because they're in season or out of season. But if we're talking in season, what percentage of the world's population eats strawberries? And if it's one in n people eat strawberries is n bigger or smaller than the number of strawberries that you get like

in a punnet or at a time for a person oh so i would say i should never let you come in early it always undoes everything that i was like came to believe but you're dead right i reckon like one in 20 people eat strawberries and there aren't 20 strawberries in a punnet. So I reckon there's more people than strawberries. Also, do you mean eat strawberries regularly or just in general? Just in general. At any point in time in the strawberry season. I reckon it's way, I reckon it's like one in a hundred.

Oh, really? Just because there'll be a lot of people out there who don't have access to strawberries. Oh, a hundred. But yeah, I was thinking strawberry eating places are like Europe, probably North America. And that's roughly like probably, let's say, 2 billion. Yeah. 1 to 2 billion out of 8 billion. So it's a quarter.

Wow. Of those, I thought 1 in 5. Yeah. Hit me with the actual numbers. I would if I could. Oh. Because. Oh, no.

Because I saved the link. Yep. Lovely little link, which was Bedtime Math. Oh. Because. Oh, no. Because I saved the link. Yep. Lovely little link, which was bedtimemath.org. Interesting. Yeah, great. Good research. Then forward slash fun-math-strawberries-versus-people. Love it.

My kind of URL. Turns out that they have removed that page since I did this. And I didn't put anything else in my document because i was like well i'll just read it off the site have you looked it up on archive.org i have not cached copies so there's a website for people who aren't familiar with archive.org who try to cache different snapshots of the internet at different points in time so you can go there and you can put in a url and it will show you like a calendar of all the times it went and saved a version of any given website. I find it extremely useful when

I'm doing research for a book or even for this podcast where there was information online in the past, but it's no longer available. You can often use this to dig back in time. Why do you think it would no longer be there for some of your things big strawberry big strawberry got to them yeah got to them so pick a year when you want to have a look at the website and then the calendar if you scroll down they highlight the days where they and if you click on that time that'll give you the website at that time on that date in that year? I imagine the numbers are different. Well, this is 2016 numbers. This is 2016 numbers.

So the way they worked it out, they looked at how many strawberries we produce a year. In 2016, it was four and a half million tons. Four and a half million tons. Yeah. And then they did a ton has 2,000 pounds. Per year, I guess. Yeah, in a year.

A ton has 2,000 pounds. So that comes to about 9 billion pounds of strawberries. Obviously, we've got coming up to 8 billion people in the world. Yep. So, we know for a fact that there are more strawberries than people. Yeah, but those strawberries won't all exist at the same time. But that's the thing, is you raised that, and I realised, I saw this and went, oh, well, they've answered it.

And then never thought about the question anymore. But this is why I said to you before we started recording, I said, Matt, I've got quite a lot of problems here that I have solutions to. Yep. But I'm meant to be doing the big problem in this episode. Yep. So how about I just go with this one because I have a feeling it will end up being bigger than I think And that's exactly what's happened You were spot on

Yeah, so we have to work out how many strawberries exist At a point in time At a point in time Now I hear what you're saying about seasons But I will say that strawberries are produced in many different countries That's a good point actually I'm thinking locally When I should be eating globally.

Well, I think it's meant to be the other way around, environmentally. Well, that explains a lot. Yeah, I did have some of the stats. So, for instance, in 2019, China produced over 242 billion strawberries. What? Using this sort of medium strawberry. That's ridiculous. 242 billion strawberries yeah the united states produced about 85 billion strawberries oh there's definitely more strawberries

mexico produced around 72 billion strawberries and the united kingdom produced around 11.5 billion strawberries give me those numbers again 242 242 yep in china uh 85 in the states yeah mexico united kingdom 11.5 this is based on like how many pounds of strawberries are produced by these countries right got it and then sort of divided by the average this is like 2019 this is 2019 can i just say that is an unimaginable amount of strawberries that's too many it's too many too many but when you think about it like how many strawberries would you eat in a sitting what am i not eating enough strawberries at a time when i have strawberries i have like the whole you have the strawberries i eat the whole punnet because it comes with that little film on top and you can't reseal it and i'm not

gonna put in tupperware i don't know yeah good point it's like uh wine it's like wine it goes off yeah once it's open it's not aging anymore so across those four countries averaged it's like uh wine it's like wine it goes off yeah once it's open it's not aging anymore so across those four countries averaged it's just over 200 strawberries per person in the population okay 200 per year and that's not 200 strawberries on average so me it's a lot of punnets isn't it barely touching strawberries someone else has to really put the numbers in to make up for me not eating my allotment of according to my numbers 211.8 strawberries yeah i'm trying to guess how many are in those sort of big punnets you get from the shops it's definitely not 200 no but maybe we're not eating all the strawberries that are produced yeah a lot of them will go on yeah exactly yeah and there's like a ton of food waste that happens maybe you're right maybe the import export nature of this is

throwing my numbers off so they get eaten or not they're just they're going to cease to exist at some point yes oh yes they're being produced they're producing between them 410 billion strawberries which compared to the world population of 8 billion is still 51 strawberries per human just from those four countries production that's so many strawberries yeah where are they going wimbledon wimbledon yeah there's got to be facts on how many strawberries i'm gonna look it up so many strawberries each year more than 38.4 tons of strawberries and 445 kilograms of raspberries are picked and consumed during wimbledon that's so ridiculous 38.4 tons of 38.4 tons of strawberries they must mean like in general not

just at the not during the time just at the tennis. Wait, what's the audience size at Wimbledon? It says during the tournament. But do they mean like at Wimbledon? Or just people watching at home? Tons of strawberries. It says that's more than 140,000 punnets. Because I could imagine 140,000 spectators total averaging a punnet each.

I'm just trying to work out where's the unseen strawberry market maybe some of the production goes into like strawberry concentrate to flavor ice cream or something i don't know i'm guessing here so they're not all eaten as strawberries maybe they're used in some other food process does starbucks do like a strawberry syrup maybe that's where they're all going to strawberry syrup yeah i like how you're concentrated immediately going to that instead of obvious things like cakes donuts jam matt jam think of how much jam there is in the world i'm trying to think of the densest place for strawberries to end up so um how long does a strawberry last for because what we could do if you work out the lifespan of a strawberry

we could work out what fraction that's across a year we for? Because what we could do, if you work out the lifespan of a strawberry, we could work out what fraction, that's across a year, we could work out what fraction exists at any point in time. So, strawberries last up to one to two days in the counter, five to seven days in the refrigerator. Yeah. Six to eight months in the freezer. Now, there will be frozen strawberries out there.

That's true. So, we have to remember... A couple of weeks. We need to know how many strawberries are frozen. How many strawberries are in stations that's true i would probably i would ballpark say the average strawberry lives one to two weeks which means you divide your total number of the year i would say by 50 or 25 okay by 50 yeah to get the number of strawberries in existence at one point in time but now we know there are that many just at Wimbledon. Yeah. There's definitely more strawberries than people.

Now that we know there's more strawberries than people, there's definitely more strawberries than old men. Because the set of people is by necessary. Yeah. There's bigger than the set of old men. Yeah. So there's your answer. I was thinking, I don't have to estimate how many old men there are by thinking about populations and demographics. But no.

I did start. There's more strawberries. To look that up in case you asked. And in 2019, there were 703 million persons aged 65 years or over in the world. I'm sure there's probably a lot of 65 or 66 year olds out there who are like, excuse me. I feel old. My mom is 65 and she says that she will consider herself middle-aged till the day she dies. I've been considering myself middle-aged since late teenagehood.

Yeah, but yeah, that checks out. My middle-agedness. Whereas I had an audition recently to play a mother and I was telling you that my reaction was instantly like, come on. And then- I can't play that old. When I thought about it, I was like, oh no, I've got friends with kids the same age as the child. Yeah, okay.

Congratulations. What food product is there the same amount of as humans? Are we going for like naturally grown food then? No, it could be anything. It could be like, you know. Like pizzas. Yeah, a lot of pizza recently. You know what? Listen be like, you know. Like pizzas. Pizzas, yeah. A lot of pizza recently. That's what, you know what?

Listeners, let us know. On the Problem Posing page. Problem Posing page. For now. For now. I say this because we are considering. Considering having a. Either a Discord or a Reddit or something.

If you've got an opinion about that, let us know as well. Yeah. So at the moment, go to. The Problem Posing page. ProblemSquared.com. Pick a solution. Yeah. And then tell us either what food you think at any one point at any point in time has parity one-to-oneness with the population yeah and tell

us whether you think a reddit or a discord or a different option other format would be good because we think that some of the people send us solutions to the database and they're so good and in-depth or have great links or two of them you're like these two people just need to talk to each other yeah and we want to share them on the podcast but it's a finite podcast yes well there you go i hope you're happy elliot guess what two nil to australia oh get the strawberries in get some straws I hope you're happy, Elliot. Guess what? 2-0 to Australia. Get the strawberries in. Get some straws. The next problem is for Matt.

I'm ready. Yep. This is your dinglet, your wing ding. My tiny problem. Your tiny problem. This is from Jim. Jim. Jim says, the USA is playing Sweden in the Women's World Cup.

And you know, it's full time. Is it right now? 2-0. Australia beat Denmark. Yeah, Denmark are now out. Australia is through to the next round. Oh, we won. Yeah.

Hooray. I don't know if USA is playing Sweden right now. Right. Probably not right now. Probably already happened. They're on the other side of the knockout tournament. Ah. So in a perfect world, we play England in the semifinal. Mm-hmm. And then we play USA in the final.

And by we, I'm referring to Australia for people who are confused by the accents. Yeah, that's true. So the USA is playing some old men. Some old men from Sweden. Bunch of Straubs, they call them. Bunch of Straubs is playing Sweden in the Women's World Cup in Melbourne Rectangular Stadium. Is that the name of it? Isn't that incredible? It is. This is how much attention I've paid to the World Cup.

Yeah. And it has me thinking, how geometrically accurate is this name? Is this stadium more or less rectangular than the average football stadium or soccer stadium, as you and I would say, as both an Australian and someone who has campaigned publicly against geometrically incorrect footballs. I believe Matt is uniquely qualified to get to the bottom of this. You know it. I had no idea it was called the Melbourne Rectangular Stadium. Yeah. How incredible is that?

The old MRA. Wait, so the Women's World Cup is being played in the Misses. Oh, come on, guys. Why can't it just be Melbourne Stadium? It should be Melbourne Stadium. It should just be Ms. Actually, it's now, it's like Amy Park, A-M-I. Oh, it's an insurance or something, isn't it?

So the reason I never realized it's called the Melbourne Rectangular Stadium is because it always goes by the branded name of Amy Park. And that's why I'd never realized underneath the branding. Yeah. It's the Melbourne Rectangular Stadium. And I get very excited. I'm a big fan of venues that are shape-based. And you'll find that most of them are.

They are. They are shape. I do regular stuff at the Reading Hexagon. Nice. So pleasing. Have you done the Cube Theatre in Bristol? I have not done the Cube Theatre in bristol i have not done the cube theater in bristol i should add that to the list i think i did i have done a cube is there a cube

in like birmingham birmingham cube i've done the birmingham cube that's it i did on the humble pie tour so the hexagon is great because backstage you can see the sides of the hexagon which is very very pleasing in australia I played the Octagon. Okay. Which is at UWA. So that was particularly pleasing because it doubles up as a lecture theater at the university. And it's like a proper like touring show theater. And I'm always very excited when I get to play a shape venue. And I can't believe I didn't know there was a rectangular stadium.

And then I realized why there's a rectangular stadium. And it became super obvious. Do you want to have a guess? Why why there's a rectangular stadium and it became super obvious. Do you want to have a guess why? Is there a square stadium? No. Good guess though. Is it close? So like there's another shape stadium.

What's MCG stand for? I used to live near that. Melbourne Ground. You're close though. That's the other shape. Oh, so what? Because an oval? Yes, an oval.

You get oval stadiums and you get rectangle stadiums, depending on which sports are being played on the pitch. Interesting. Because I also, and this harks back to a much, much older episode. I'm not going to try and find it because it isn't pertinent. But long time listeners, long listeners long listeners long listeners well we'll remember that i once asked we're sitting at a at a table oh yes that is uh um essentially a halved circle yeah with a rectangle in the middle in the middle rectangle in the middle

and i asked you once what that shape was called and you were like i don't think it has a name and i was like what are you talking about and you're like some shapes don't have names and i was like but someone had to make this and that means that there's probably a name for it uh and i looked it up and found out that uh it is called a stadium yes it is also called a sausage body my favorite one i thought the disco rectangle disco i think we posted it on like twitter and instagram like tag yourself and and i guess this is a stadium in that when you had like chariot racing and stuff this is the shape you'd go for yeah and a three-dimensional one is a capsule a capsule anything like a pill like a pill but for sport if you're playing

a sport that needs an oval you have have loads of oval-shaped stadiums. So, anything involving cricket is an oval. And they're using stadium in terms of something that seats people. Seats people around a pitch. Rather than the shape. Yes. Yes. As opposed to the shape stadium.

The other one was O'Brown. That was one I couldn't remember. The O'Brown. O'Brown. There's a new one. Squecktangle. Squecktangle. Which is dumb because that sounds like a rectangular square which is

yes nah no deal where's the round bits in that round so some sports need ovals in fact there's a stadium there's a whole tube station called oval yeah in london although you want to know something interesting you always want to know something interesting here yep in the uk where we are right now they don't have ovals. Not in the way, not in the. What? They do, but not in the sense that you're. So, in Australia.

Yep. Almost every school has an oval. Oh, you mean like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that's because you play football on it. You play football on it. There's usually a cricket pitch in the middle.

Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Aussie rules football. And so, almost every school. Has an oval. Has an oval. If it's got some sort of grounds

yeah and here i was like well there's loads of schools that have grounds yeah and so when i was writing horror heights i was like oh they walked across the school oval oh and had loads of references to that it's even in the map and the editor's like what is this and the map in the book and the editor was like you keep saying this and i don't know what this means yeah and i was like what do you mean it doesn't well i was like where did the saying this and I don't know what this means. And I was like, what do you mean it doesn't? I was like, where did the kids play? And they were like, the field, the playing field. The playing field. And that's when I realized they don't have,

it's not referred to in the same, like, and then I asked Gavin, he was like, I don't, yeah, I would never say like at the Oval. I think it's the same reason because in a lot of countries you have a few dominant sports. Yeah. That take certain shaped pitches. It's like in the US, obviously baseball diamond.

Yep. Classic. So the stadium for playing baseball is specific to baseball because of that shape. Yeah. And then you've got American football. That's a rectangle. And so they have lots of rectangular pitches, same as football, as in like soccer. And so they have lots of rectangular pitches, same as football, as in like soccer.

I'm just going to switch to the more specific versions of all the different footballs in the interest of clarity. So soccer is on a rectangular pitch. You can double up with that piece of cake. Cricket is like one of the exceptions. And so obviously in the US, you don't really get ovals because they haven't got new oval shaped spots. In the UK, you get some ovals because cricket's a thing, but you can play cricket on a rectangle in a pinch. Like casual cricket that people play in the weekends and stuff, like in a village. Like the cricket green near where I used to live is just the shape of that bit of land

where they put the cricket pitch. How do they know when I've hit a six? I think you just lay out. Do you put out a temporary like rope or something? Jumpers. Yeah, everyone's shoes. I think you could mark out the boundary, but it's like temporary. Yeah.

Australia, however, repurposed the cricket pitch for Aussie rules football. Oh, so we're the only ones that... Have a significant number of ovals because we play Aussie rules football as well. Yeah. And so an oval is dual purpose. And the combination of cricket, which is big in Australia, and Aussie rules, which is big in Australia, means that it's worth having a dedicated oval.

Whereas in other countries, it's not worth having a dedicated oval. How do they change it? You know, as I said, I used to live very close to the MCG, like three doors away. It was a very big share house. I'm not rich. But the MCG, obviously, they have the big football games there. Yep, oval. As well as the cricket.

But the crickets, like the cricket pitch, how do they swap out the cricket pitch for the grass? Cover it in grass. But does that mean you could trip over at the edge do they roll it out i think they just kind of stick it down but that's why the seasons are off set summer oh yeah that's true they're not stopping it no no it's not constant it's like you know six months at a time we've got a two-hour turnover quick quick go go go and then we got a dance coming in and then we're using a swimming pool that's under here. Yeah, yeah. And then we're going to freeze it for ice skating. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. No, no, no. It's so you can use your oval year-round. Then you switch to Aussie rules in the winter. Got it. And then back to cricket. Yeah. So we have loads of dedicated ovals.

But here, like Wembley Stadium, it's a rectangle because it's used for football. And so this is why we had to specify... Well, is rectangular the inside is rectangular yes very good point but the reason we do have rectangles is obviously we do play at least the amount of soccer in australia not a huge amount but some uh rugby league that needs a rectangle so it's tends to be uh places that are rugby stadiums stadia are the rectangular ones and then you have the oval for your footy and your cricket which is why the world cup being held between new zealand and australia they're basically using rugby league rectangular stadiums to host soccer football matches and i was like well there you go i'd never really thought through why we have so many ovals

and why we had to specify this one's a rectangle because that's the exception. Yeah, you're right. I mean, there's Rod Laver Arena, but that's not really big enough on the inside. Where's that? Oh, is that the tennis location? Yes.

Bit small. Yeah, a little bit. It's our Wimbledon. Too blue. We make a thousand tons of strawberries. Now, you raised a very, very good point about what's the outside. I think all sports fields should be the shape of the ball. So, Aussie rules would be fine.

Fine, tick. Done. Everyone else has to change to basically a circle. Maybe table tennis should be the, not the, the table should be the shape of a paddle. That would work. And you play like on the symmetric axis. Yeah. So it's fair.

Yeah. Yeah. So you can try and trick them by going down the end that doesn't have much table. Is this, is this stadium more or less rectangular than the average football stadium so in australia more rectangular because the football stadiums are ovals yes but i'm using the word football there very generously if i in terms of being a rectangle i started to think about measures of rectangularness is there any wrong. I mean, you could say if it was a square, then the squareness overrides the rectangularness. Oh, yes.

But squares are rectangles. Yeah. They're just a specific type. So then I was like, oh, maybe being a rectangle is being further away from being a square. But then the extreme of that is very long, skinny, like a line. Yeah, yeah. It's a road. It's a road.

What's what you've done so there has to be a point in the middle where you're like this is maximum rectangle and then i was like you know what i don't think that's really the best way to solve this problem because the ratio the rectangularness of the pitch is standardized for different sports yeah so the pitch itself being a rectangle, are very standard rectangles. So I had the same thought you had. I was like, what about the rest of the building?

Is the whole building a rectangle or is just the pitch a rectangle? Well, you said that some of the places that the games are being played, the matches being played, like repurposed rugby league. Is that the same dimensions? Oh, I don't know. Of rectangle?

Yeah, I don't know. That's a good question. Because sure, yeah, sure, the markings are different. Should we look it up? Yeah. I mean, that means that a rugby field must be at least the width of a standard football field. I've got a prediction before I look up football field, soccer.

I think because it's such an old sport from the uk there's gonna be like a range of acceptable pitch sizes it's like in baseball all the different baseball stadiums have different shaped uh fields because of how old it is whoa does that mean some places you could get a home run and others you couldn't. Oh, that's a whole thing. Even if you hit the same distance. 100%, yes. That's a whole area of baseballness. We're back to baseball again. I went and saw a game of the two games I've seen.

The other one was in Boston. And the stadium is so old and there wasn't enough land when they built it that one of the walls is way too close. And they've made it super high. It's called the Green Monster because it's this ridiculously close, tall wall. And from memory, they've just painted a line. They're like, yeah, above here is a home run. Yeah, I was going to say, like, as soon as if it hits a point,

then that must be counted. But different playing fields change what would be a home run in one field may not be a home run in a different field because of the different geometry. I don't. Do you know what? This is what I don't like about baseball. I get that people like it because there's loads of stats and there's different ways that you can look at them and analyze them stuff. But there are so many variables that I feel like it's just a bunch of people trying to create meaning from chaos.

And I'm not. You know how my brain is. I like specifics. I like closed. Finished things. That's stats in a nutshell. And so when I talked about. At the beginning of the show.

That I'm the sports analyst. That was like the money ball revolution in baseball. Where people realized. There's a delicate line in stats. Between teasing out. Underlying patterns from the randomness. ball revolution in baseball where people realized there's a delicate line in stats between teasing out underlying patterns from the randomness versus reading tea leaves by accident and you're seeing things that aren't there yeah and a lot of the genius of stats is being able to determine the difference or at least some certainty about which one's which and so it definitely can be

done because sports teams pay a lot of money and see a lot of benefit from doing that. So, it turns out rugby also has a range. It has to be 68 meters wide, but it can be anywhere between 112 and 102 meters long. I don't know if that's like the touchdown bits are different sizes or the actual pitch is different, but the ratio is between 1.65 and 1.8. This is dumb. So, let's look at... It is between 1.65 and 1.8. This is dumb. So let's look at... It's so dumb. Let's look at football.

Oh, my goodness. It can be anywhere between 45 meters and 90 meters wide. What? No. No, no, no. That must be counting like if you're playing on a school. Yeah, that can't be like Premier League regulations. No.

But, strictly speaking, wow. See, now I understand if it changes because it's not based on something that people are professionally making money from. You could have a square shaped soccer pitch because you could have 90 in both directions as an acceptable measurement. It's the widest you're allowed and the shortest you're allowed i think we've just found your next video that's hilarious we're going to put together a team that's so special i have found that fifa their recommended field of play dimensions are 105 meters by 68 meters and it says the field of play must be rectangular so no squares no square pitch for or it just can't be wibbly wobbly do you want to see what the melbourne rectangular stadium looks like from above yes matt showing the picture we'll put this on socials at a problem squared there you go it looks like you know what it looks like what's it look like it looks like a an ip iPad case for a child in the shape of a cloud.

Yes. Yes. So that when your kid drops the iPad, it doesn't get broken. Yep. But look at that. There's a round. There's a perfectly round. Right next to an oval.

That's not an oval. That is a circle. That's not a circle. I mean, from where I am sitting. Well, that's true of a lot of ellipses. So that's the rectangular stadium. And so, I thought, well, why don't I just look up if there's a more rectangular stadium in Australia with a bigger capacity than this one? Because if it's got more seats and more rectangular, then it's the superior.

To find more rectangular again? Well, that's a good point. By looking at it and thinking is that a rectangle so what would you give that what would you give that marks marks out of rectangle i mean that's that's a i mean i think that's the perfect rectangle but the outside look at this it's bubbly oh you're counting the outside 100 because the inside is always going to be a rectangle yeah because it's the pitch yeah okay I thought you were trying to say like- But you're right.

Maybe the inside is less bubbly. I'll give you that. Yeah, the outside, that is very circular. It's very cloud-like. Yeah, yeah. But it's rectangle inspired. Yeah, so it's like a biscuit. Yeah, like a biscuit.

Like a nice biscuit or something like that. Yeah. So I then looked up the list of all the different stadiums in oceania so new zealand australia etc and then i discounted the ovals so the biggest one is the mcg you're right but it's an oval second best thing about living near the mcg is that during um the football finals uh if you were hanging out your washing in the backyard, it would sound like thousands of people were cheering for you. For only for hanging out your washing.

Yeah. Anyone who lives near a stadium will know how exciting that is to do something boring. Do something mundane and then there's a huge roar of the crowd. Second biggest stadium in Sydney, Rugby League. So it's branded a core stadium. I don't know what it's. Aby League. So it's branded that a core stadium. I don't know what it's. A core.

I think it's another. Stadium Australia. That's it's like legitimate name. Non-branded name. Stadium Australia. That's a rectangle. And so it looks like from the air that. Oh, it's a circle.

So circle. Huge circle. Embrace the rectangle stadium australia look at that so now that that's unambiguously not i would argue that the bigger you get the more circular it's going to be so they can fit more people well you're right absolutely 100 yeah whatever thousand people in there because if you have a straight line then that if you're looking visually that means you're probably what you want to be if you have to sit line, then that, if you're looking visually, that means you're probably. What you want to be.

Your line of sight. If you have to sit right in the back row, you want to be near the corner because that's the minimum distance. Yeah. From seat to pitch. But if you made that, like if you went from the outer edges of that circle. Yeah. Or from here, it looks like a circle. It might be.

It's definitely a circle. Yeah. If you went from the outer edges and then made that a big square, then to be in the corner, I think you'd be far too far away from the action. Listeners, basically, we're looking at a perfect circle with a rectangle in the middle. And so, not very rectangular. So, right, back to the list.

What have we got next? There's Optus Stadium. That's in Perth. That's an oval. I've been there to see cricket. Adelaide O um marvel stadium that's football as in like aussie rules yeah you know it's actually owned by marvel as in no yeah yeah i went past it when i was in melbourne that's so ridiculous yeah yeah it's like owned by marvel and it's all like it's all like, it's all superhero themed. Brisbane, Suncorp Stadium. Okay.

Okay. It's got 52,000. For the record, this is number six on the list, including ovals. Before we get down to- Can't believe there isn't a BuzzFeed listicle about this. It's so exciting. Number 16 is the Melbourne Rectangular Stadium. Okay.

So we need to find something before we get down to 16 that's more rectangular. Okay. Because it only sits 30,000 people. And this one up here at six is 52,000. It looks like that. It looks like an Ethernet connection. Oh, it looks like a Cat5 port. Yeah.

That's a rectangle. Look how rectangular that is. That's a stadium embracing its rectangle. This here. Actually, yeah, you know what? Boom. a rectangle. Look how rectangular that is. That's a stadium embracing its rectangle. This here. Actually, yeah, you know what? Boom, perfect rectangle. That is a rectangle. Even the extra bits that are on for like infrastructure purposes are themselves chunky rectangles.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. It looks like a picture frame that has someone got a bit carried away and put some extra bits of frame on it. That's a rectangular stadium. Yeah. And it's bigger. The stadium's rectangular. The pitch is rectangular.

The add-on bits are rectangular. So, real name, Lang Park Suncorp in Brisbane is the most rectangular stadium in Australia. There you go. There you are. Jim, I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy. I hope... If anyone else was like, I have found this enjoyable, but I also did wonder, have we

done that thing where we're enjoying this? And then everyone else is like, why are we... And if you didn't enjoy it, blame Jim. Let us know. Yeah. Number one, Jim's fault. I think probably everyone loved it. Number zero, I'd love to hear if you got a better Rectangular stadium

Because I only looked At Australia to be honest Yeah And what's And if there is a weird Playing field out there Is there a different shape We've got diamonds

Yep Ovals Rectangles And we now know Technically soccer Square Yeah Maybe

Maybe I'm going to give that a ding It's a problem Rectangled Well we've gone into Extra time I'm going to give that a ding. It's a problem rectangled. Well, we've gone into extra time with any other business. Still running with the sport theme. Thank you very much.

We have a ding. Hooray. That's exciting. A belated ding from episode 061, which was called Shifting Dates and Lifting Weights. I don't think it's that belated. What are we in now? 066? Yeah. Yes.

Within the last 10, I think, counts as... Yeah. It's pretty good. So, they would like to send a belated ding to Beck for the one-minute lift ideas. Like Rick Ashley in a broken lift, you were never going to let me down. Yay! That's pretty funny. We're on the bill with Rick Ashley ashley astley astley what did

i say ashley no i'm i'm or is there someone called rick ashley i was about to make a bunch of you know let's just give it we're not on the bill with rick ashley he's doing the festival that we're at yeah and if you look at the bill for the festival we're not like the support act for no but we're playing we're on the same stage but if you look at a big poster for everyone it's like the blue dot hoodie right i am wearing it right now we're in there somewhere yeah we supported grieve armada same deal now we're supporting rick astley yeah so they've tried a few of your yoga moves i think i should get uh ding residuals for the yoga move. Although I'm very proud of my graphic.

I made a good looking poster. I spent a full morning making that when I was definitely meant to be doing something else. Yes, I could tell. You could just see it was dripping in procrastination. They've also tried out some of the world records. I guess they haven't broken any we heard about it and this christmas they're planning to decorate the lift one item per day so it slowly

becomes more christmassy excellent so there you are back you get a ding for your lift suggestions he also said thank you for the uplifting suggestions i've just felt like the pun that's great joke after joke. Thank you, JustEd. We also heard from Michael, who was responding to episode 063, Metamagic Squares and Firehose Care. Oh, yeah. And Michael said, I'm sorry, did we gloss over the fact that Matt has a magic squares guy? As in he knows someone who regularly supplies him with magic squares.

Correct. Yeah. like i when you said it yeah i didn't question it no at all at all because i thought it's either a joke in which case i'm not giving him that i'm not giving him have you ever known me to tell a joke exactly as i was like if it is a joke it doesn't warrant a laugh or like your honesty i was like friendship professionalism forget it i will not laugh unless the joke is above my standards you know what it's more that because it's so your world if and our listeners worlds that i feel like if i made fun of it you you'd be like, yeah, it's really normal, Beck. And I'd be like, oh, no.

You're not just insulting me. You're insulting everyone in the Magic Square supply chain. Where's a woman's vicouncilor? And it's like, oh, don't you know? I just made that up. I don't think a woman has a vicouncilor. I wasn't in a position to question. Yeah.

So. So, you have a magic square guy. I got a magic square guy. I can't believe. What's his name? No one else has a magic square guy. Now, so, hang on. I'm just going to check my inbox to see when the most recent magic square drop. Oh, new squares came in yesterday.

He's emailed you squares. So, Inder Taneja, who's been my square guy for a long time now. Years. I did a Numberphile video way back where I referenced some of his work. And then I got put on his mailing list. And it's not just him. Other people chip in squares. Oh, he has a mailing list.

Say a mailing list. Let me show you. I was going to say, does this mean that other people chip in squares oh he has a mailing list so say a mailing list let me show you let me i was gonna say does this mean that other people can sign up no so that you don't sign up this is why you didn't want to tell me his name you got it you got it exactly you got to know you got to know someone so here's the email it's come in it says a double digits bordered magic squares breakthrough and begins begins dear friends but as you can see here's open open cc'd matt pointed at where it says friends as if to prove uh-huh see thank you i have one uh they laugh at all my jokes quality invariant you've got to make them first so they just copy all these people they just what is it like like 50 people? Maybe fewer?

30? Just addresses in the OpenCC field. That is a GDPR nightmare. It is. And that's why people can occasionally chip in by replying. And it's all the people who have ongoing interest in Magic Squares. And they're sharing their recent ones. So let's have a little look.

All they've done is order 7 through 108. So I've got a Magic Square guy. Nice. He hooks me up with the freshest magic squares. There you go, Michael. I hope that answered everyone's concerns and questions. We've got some nice feedback on the problem posing page. I guess this is just a compliment, compliment.

Yeah. So Stephen here went to the problem posing page and they didn't pick problem or solution, but they did apologize. They said, sorry, it's not a problem. They just wanted to send a message. They saw Beck's show at Latitude, which is an incredibly middle class festival here in the UK. They said that you killed it in a good way.

As in like you blew the doors off the gig, but you didn't actually explode anything. And it was an attempt. Yeah. So they'd seen some of your flip chart stuff on YouTube and they thought it was great live, but they'd never seen your actual standup before and they enjoyed that too. Yes. Now they let a past you out in the public forum

and they wanted to come up and say hi and say thanks for the podcast, but it looked like you were with friends and having fun. Oh, you're laughing at their jokes. So they thought they'd leave you alone and not interrupt your evening. So they're now writing here. This is great.

So they just wanted to say, thank for the stand-up set and thanks. Oh, to both of you. Thanks, Stephen. Bit late for the podcast. I will say, first of all, thank you so much, Stephen. Oh, yeah, yeah. I really needed this, especially because I haven't done that many gigs for adults. I've been doing a lot of gigs for kids.

And so I had a really lovely time and the audience was great. But the entire time in my head, I was like, it felt like, and I say this as someone who can't drive, but I've had somebody who drives confirm this. It felt like I was driving again, not just that, but trying to do it in a manual car so the whole time you're like where's the gear so i'm like don't go too far like my inner monologue was like you're rushing you're getting excited quick go back stop going off on a tangent like you've only

got a certain amount of time and then i did a new flip chart bit which i hadn't i'd literally never done before i'd run through it twice backstage before I went on stage, but I'd literally never tried it. And flip charts are like puppetry. So you kind of got to physically know what you're doing. And so I felt very flustered, but I really enjoyed myself. And it's nice to know that apparently the slight chaos in my head wasn't visible. So I really appreciate that.

And I will say if anyone ever does see me in the wild and wants to say that they enjoyed this podcast, please do. I'll always welcome them. You'll never, you'll shove your actual friends aside. Oh my gosh. Comedians have the lowest sense of self-esteem. Like we run on validation alone.

Have a social friend coming through. Absolutely. Please come over. Tell me you enjoy the podcast. Those are highlights. alone. Have a social friend coming through. Absolutely. Please come over. Tell me you enjoy the podcast. Those are highlights. Please always do that. Are you the same? Do you prefer...

Because I've been with you many times when people have stopped to say. Because there's got to be a lot of people out there who see you and aren't sure whether they can come up and say something. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't know what the ratio is. I don't know how you'd find this out. But I think a lot of people spot you and some people realize who you are. And some people don't say hi, but email you later or don't say hi, but never contact you.

And some people come up and say hi. My favorite is when someone ends up in the wrong category by mistake. Because if someone abruptly spots me, like comes around a corner or turns or whatever, their brain just says hey it's that person you know yes they launch into hello and they're like oh no yeah i have not planned ahead for this interaction i've done that with someone else i once was chatting to them at a party as if we're old friends and then very like very slowly realized that it was the woman who played linda in series two around the twist twist. And I was like,

Oh no, this is just cause I remember you as a child. Cause I was like, I haven't seen you in ages. I haven't seen her in ages. Never seen her in real life ever. I managed to, I think she genuinely thought that we had met a long time.

You're very convincing. Yeah. I like to think I was. Excellent. Right. We also heard from Ian on the Problem Posing page who said the joke specifications of Fire Hoses, which was the same episode as the Magic Squares.

Yeah, 063, I think. Yeah, it was adapted from an old set of joke pipe specifications from at least the 80s. And they've linked to it. Now, the link that they linked to was just like someone's typed out the joke. Oh, right. Like on a forum type thing. Just opened it up, yeah.

There's no source that's been provided. So I have to take Ian's word for it that it's from the 80s. However, I can't find anything that definitely ages it as being from the 80s the most i could find was i i did manage to find one which was it looks like it's been typewritten and the reason i say that is because again it's at a slight the border around it is slightly off it's at a very slight angle which suggests to me that it was scanned this one doesn't seem like a photo though because it feels still like it's there's no uh ketone or whatever it is in the uh if you're projecting there's none of that it just looks like it's flat but it's

slightly at an angle i think it's been scanned which says to me that when it went up was in recentology i don't know when it was written but someone posted it in a forum on in 2018 and it was listed as irish government pipes specification i was like there's also i've seen versions uh written just on websites where it's like european government specifications so it's always like make fun of a government or to be a bit racist yes basically classic genre so i the version we had the australian one still feels that's the version to me that appears to be the oldest one just i haven't found anything that looks like ages that way i'm not saying the pipe's not the case but in terms of hardcore evidence

yeah i suspect the pipe thing has been around for longer but i haven't actually got any physical proof yet other than ian saying it's been around since the 80s. Come on, Ian. But providing no further information. Yeah. Yeah. So, again, the case continues. If anyone has seen older versions of this gag.

We'll link to the website that Ian sent us. Yes. So people can have a look at the text. If people want to do some digging. We'll get there in the end. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We will solve many problems. It's full time.

End of injury time. It's the end of the game. But we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the people on the bench, which are our fantastic Patreon supporters. That works. On the bench. On the bench. No, they're ready.

They're ready to leap in at a moment's notice. So if one of us is ill, Patreon member steps in. Yeah, yeah. We swap them in. Now, we like to thank three Patreon supporters picked at random every single episode. And so I rolled the random spreadsheet. It popped out three names, which are... Spooky.

That's S-P-O-O-O-K-Y. Three O's. Ooki. That's S-P-O-O-K-Y. Three O's. Brian Purcell. Pur-pur- Brian Pur-cell. One Brian Purcell.

And Ross George. Or Ross Gyorgy. Is that the Swedish pronunciation? Yes. Oh, good. Yeah. So thanks again to our Patreon supporters who make this whole outfit viable. Huge thanks to everyone who listens and shares and talks about and reviews and comments and just does things that make this podcast sustainable and with an ever-growing audience to fill a stadium.

I wonder what size stadium we are now. Well, that's it from us. Thank you so much for listening. Do tell your friends about the podcast review it do all those things we appreciate everyone who listens and shares and particularly people who support us on patreon but you don't have to do that they do it so you don't have to thank you very much to everyone i've been matt parker joined by beck hill and uh general manager la Lauren Armstrong Carter. Goal. Goal. So, Beck, Sam R. went on the problem posing page to say their problem is they've seen what looks like a big jar of sweets on a shelf behind you in Matt's latest video.

So, I don't know. I guess I saw it in a video. But it pops up occasionally in the background of photos we take when we're recording. Because we record often, but not always, in the same room where I film my YouTube videos. Yes. And they're referring to that jar. Yeah. Which I often think to that jar. Yeah. Which I often think is a jar of sweets.

Oh, but it's not. And what is it, Bec? Dice. Oh, do you want to grab the big jar? Yeah. It actually has less dice in it than normal. Yeah, because I've used a bunch. So, you look on the top shelf, there's like a model made out of dice.

Oh, yeah. You've made a cube. They're ones from the jar. Yeah. So, this. Oh, look at this. Look at that. It's a big jar. Big jar jar big jar of dice almost the size of your head and sam r has said that this could replace the is this your card or what muppet are you post-credit sequence because we're finished

the muppets now yeah i believe lauren edited in something hilarious at the end of the new york episode and now now we can do the how many sweets are in the jar, or more specifically, how many dice. We're going to call it the dice bucket challenge. Nice. How many? So I had to count them. So starting next episode, you've got to guess how many dice are in the jar.

I don't know what the prize is yet. It's probably more dice. But I'm going to count them up before next time. And then you've got to guess how many. And then I'm going to keep this under lock and key. I think the prize should be a jar equivalent of sweets. Okay. Okay.

Deal.