A Problem Squared - 080 = Naming Clichés and Squaring Birthdays

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

In this episode… 🍼 What’s the best method for naming a human child? 🎊 How do you turn 45^2=2025 into a birthday celebration? 📜 AYE-YOOO-BEEEE. Please do send us your problems and solutions to the website: www.aproblemsquared.com Bec’s got loads of gigs coming up! If you wanna go see her check out dates on her website: https://www.bechillcomedian.com/tour-gigs Matt’s also got an Evening of Unnecessary Detail every two weeks at the Cockpit Theatre in Marylebone, London. There’s going to be a mathssive (get it) Evening of Unnecessary Detail Extravaganza show at the Bristol Beacon on the 12th March. Find details for those here: https://festivalofthespokennerd.com/tickets/ If you want more from A Problem Squared, you can also find us on Twitter, Instagram, Discord and on Patreon.

Welcome to A Problem Squared, the podcast which is a bit like a cup of tea in that it solves all your problems. I'm joined by Bec Hill, who is like a cup of tea from the American South. Okay. In that you are sweet, but yet cool. Ooh, nice. I almost said surprisingly cool because I've like ordered a cup of tea in America and expected a cup of tea and gotten-

Iced tea. Sweet iced tea. And I was shocked. Yes. But I thought that. No, that's correct. I am surprisingly cool. You're surprisingly cool.

Just startlingly so. Or surprisingly uncool depending on what you think about me. Depending on who you are and where you're ordering tea. Yeah, yeah. My name is Matt Parker and I am a bit like the hypothetical tea in the argument about when you should add milk in order to keep your tea as hot as possible in so much as i lose heat proportionate to the fourth power of my absolute temperature which is true technically that is literally correct and i also i think serves as an introduction to me on this episode i'll name the names that are namey name names.

Nicely done. I will help you plan a birthday if you're a massive square. And we've got some any other business tea. Any other tea. Spill the tea. We'll spill the tea. We got there in the end. So Beck, how have you been? That question broke me because i was like oh crap

crap how am i what else happened between now and last time i saw you uh good been um somewhat regretting choosing to do a second podcast that releases weekly oh whoops you that's why we started monthly well the problem is is that the other show is a like recap show yeah of the tv show emily in paris yeah also um hello we've had some listeners like crossover oh really got in contact with the show on that end so hi hello from both sides now isn't that nice um also quite a few people saying that they started watching the show so they could listen to the podcast. That's dedication. Which is why Netflix should pay us.

Or some people saying they refuse to watch the show, but they listen to the podcast and now they feel like they don't need to. But weekly. Yeah. So I thought stupidly that I was like, we'll just phone this in, right? Like we'll just watch the show and then we'll have a little. Just bang out an episode we'll just tear it apart a bit just as a bit of fun i can't poke a hole in your theory so far solid

business model you know what the motto is on this podcast anytime you think something's gonna be simple oh yeah yeah it's not which is why kind of why we went from one a month to two a month yeah was we'd be like oh there's a couple quick ones we're doing an episode then they'll be so long that poor lauren's editing out half the episode yeah so we're like look let's just let's just do two do two let's put them into two episodes turn them into two episodes yeah which then did give us permission now we record for hours because we try and do two yeah but we don't get that done on the inside of six hours man we're just faffing around having a good time so with emily in paris and originally i said to sam let's let's try and keep it so the podcast is no longer than the show itself that's a good measurement yeah yeah you

think that that would make sense yeah anyway some of our episodes are clocked in at like an hour 20 now i'm unfamiliar with emily and paris they're like 25 minutes they're not like 22 minutes an hour and a half epic no but the problem is is that we're both professionals and so anytime you're like oh we'll just phone this in of course then you're like oh yeah but if i we should if i research this that'll make it more interesting and if i do this people really'll make it more interesting. And if I do this, people will really appreciate that. And so now when I watch the episodes, I have to watch like two or three, no, three or four times and then stop and take notes.

And then I'm doing location breakdowns and deep dives into history. One of them, there's one scene that takes place in a park, and I ended up talking about Cardinal Richelieu, who's a real person but also was a character in Three Musketeers. Right, okay, sounds relevant. This whole thing, right, just because one scene takes place in a park. So, look, I'm not regretful. But you're tired. I'm tired, yeah.

In an ideal world, I would just do those two things and then I could give all of my time and effort into them. But then people would be like, what about yoit, Beck? Nothing about yoit. How about you, Matt? I'm good. I'm good.

I've been riding my bicycle. Yes, you have. You said that like you're about to break into song. That's like the least Matt Parker thing that could possibly happen in any given situation. Yeah, you're right. Do I even know you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got a dance to could possibly happen. That's true. In any given situation. Yeah, you're right. Do I even know you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got a dance to go with it.

I've been riding my bicycle. One, two, three. It's a song about how much I love towel. Hit it. So I handed him my book like on the 12th of December. I'm not at my healthiest when I'm writing a book. No, me either. And that's fine.

Like I know everyone has a different and complex relationship with food. But I will, you know, I've only got a finite amount of discipline. Like it's a finite resource I can spend. And I end up putting all my discipline chips into the getting the book finished pile. Yeah, that's a really good way of putting it. In the eat, yeah, properly pile. But at the end of it, I was like, you know what,

I would like to be healthier. And so the way I work in life is I need to project a tie something to make me do it. Yes, yes. So I said I'm going to make it a project to ride my bike every day until I deem myself healthy. Okay, yeah. Or 100, whichever takes longer.

Until you're a hundred. Until I'm a hundred days in a row. Because if I want, I don't want to do it for like a week and be like, check out Captain Healthy over here. Right. No, I want, I wanted to feel like I either do a hundred or more if I then decide I'm, I'm, you know, in the swing of it and I'm still enjoying it. And it's still working with my life and all that jazz. Yeah. So I turned it into a project. Yeah. And so I've got a bit of paper

with a tally on it. And every day I do, I do a whole pantomime with Lucy. Sometimes I'm like, oh, I wonder if I need to go cycle today or not. And I go look at the thing. I'm like, oh no, every day. Oh goodness. Nice. Yeah. So today was day 48. Well done. So getting there. Well, I'm really glad that you mentioned this because I've literally been saying aloud to quite a few people, I need someone to hold me accountable because I fell out of the habit of moving every day. Oh yeah. For a while I was doing like the 30 day yoga challenges.

I haven't gone back to the cold water swimming since I got back because ironically I'm like, it's too cold. It's too cold. But I really do need to get back to it now that i'm not filming and stuff so i didn't put a i'm gonna cycle for an amount of time or distance every day i was like look if i just get on the bike and do anything that counts yeah knowing i know me i'm you know like i will get on and be like oh Yeah. But I didn't want to like make it some arbitrary amount. I was just like, I just got to do the thing and amount every time. That's a good idea. My issue is like, because I'll go, oh, now I've got to find,

because I like to do the 30-day challenges because you just click the next day and you just follow what they do and you don't have to think. But then, you know, sometimes I'll see it's a 30-minute one or a 40-minute one, which I know isn't that long. I know, but. But then I'm like, well, I have to find a time to put the – I could happily spend half an hour looking for a video. Oh, you've got time for that.

Yeah. Yeah. For me, and I know this varies person to person, cycling is the correct amount of logistical challenge like i've got i've got a plan i go what how am i gonna either get access to an exercise bike or have an actual bike i can pedal every day on my schedule somewhere so today i'm like okay well the only way i can do this if i get up early yeah and get a ride in but i'm not this is i'm not gonna cycle every day for the rest of my life.

This will be our project. I'll get to 100 days or more if I feel like I'm on a roll and be like, I've achieved a thing. The problem with that thinking is that you're like, I've achieved healthiness and then that's it. And this is the issue I have is like I'll do like a three-month workout challenge and then was like, yeah, but I'm pretty healthy so I can afford to take a day off and I never went back to it.

Yeah, but I do the opposite of you, the opposite of being accountable. I didn't tell anyone. I am too worried I would get the satisfaction of saying a good plan as opposed to that I already get some of the dopamine reward of doing the good plan. Well, the reason I tell people is that I hope that someone will say to me, did you do your exercise today? Because sometimes.

I can write a terrible Python script. It will email you. I'll just end up ignoring that. It needs to be a person that makes me feel guilty. Yeah. Okay, fine. I reckon I can simulate a person. I will say this as of this this recording, to the next one,

I will do a push-up a day. From record date or release date? Okay, right, yep. Because when I get to the next, yeah, I'll do a push-up a day and then on the next episode. You'll report back. Yeah. Deal.

And I'll give you the new updated number of days. And I want you to have cycled every day unless you just walk in like knock down the door with your pecs kick the door down

you're like I achieved maximum healthy yeah I'm so glad you stopped cycling Matt we can't afford this

we can't keep buying new doors first problem was sent in on the problem posing page new doors. First problem, we're sent in on the problem posing page at a problemsquared.com and it starts, dear Beck and Matt, nice greeting, I appreciate that. You have a problem. Oh, wow. We do. Normally, listeners bring us their problems.

I mean, more than one, many, many problems. You have a problem, your names than one. Many, many problems. You have a problem. Your names. Ouch. Oh, I know. Oh, wait. They start insulting our parents. Your parents had quite common surnames.

I mean, that's true. And then decided to give you quite common first names as well. This must have held you up in the early stages of your careers when you would have been difficult to google effectively wow wow i'm well i'm gonna pull them up on that because first of all people didn't google people that much when i started it wasn't quite this game longer than google i mean i'm not but it definitely wasn't used to the same extent it is now and in the uk beck is way less common that's a good point and they say becks a lot of the time i think i think we've talked about this before in the past my name comes up a lot on this

show so beck hill has for a very long time been at the top pretty much since i started putting stuff out there well i remember at one point it was weirdly it wasn't a person that was at the top of the searches before it was the beck hill climb which is a cycling challenge in the uk where all these people like ride up this big hill which i have been tempted to enter you should so many people call matt parker i know that i know that it's quite difficult because of trey parker and matt stone a lot of people and occasionally people will email me thinking I'm one of the people who writes South Park. Yeah. And a lot of journalists mess up and do Trey Stone and Matt Parker.

I did once meet a Trey Stone. Yeah, they got in touch. They're like, hey, you're the other half. I'm like, yes, I am. Amazing. Yeah, exactly. So I told Trey Stone, I was like, we should start our own cartoon. Show them what it feels like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have the URL mattparker.co.uk, not because my name was unique enough that I was able to get it in time, but because my name is so common that the Matt Parker who did get it got so sick of how common their name was when they got married, they took their partner's surname to get a more unique name. Wow. And then they contacted me saying, I'm no longer in the Matt Parker Club.

Would you like the Matt Parker URL? And I'm like, yes, please. And so that's. That's awesome. That's so cool. Real common name. Yeah. Well, Beck Hill is really difficult because for a long time,

I mean, I don't have beckhill.com or.co.uk because for a long time, I mean, I don't have beckhill.com or.co.uk. Because for a long time, those websites linked to a yoga clothing company. Oh. Because it was Be Chill. Be Chill. The old Be Chill. Yeah. Thankfully, specific URLs are a lot less important these days.

I feel like we're over the got to get the.com. Well, because everyone just Googles now. They don't just check out a website. So anyway, I haven't found that my name poses problems with people looking me up. Okay. Now that they've pointed out our problem, they've got an actual question for a problem squared. They say, what is the best way to name a child? I'm assuming your child, not like someone else's.

The kid you meet on the street. Yeah. So they've explored the idea. They're thinking, you know, either the first name could be exotic if you've got a boring surname or you could get a middle name. I always thought middle name would be interesting because that gives the child some choice in the future. Yes, that's true.

They, of course, want to avoid names which everyone else of the same generation will have. That's true. You can't come up with like picking uncommon name historically but everyone else has a little george i mean there was a ton of harry's when harry's yeah harry potter came out of course and now yeah there's a lot of georges because of prince george too many georges they point out there were three other kids in their primary school so just think too many georges isn't great. It's great.

I want to do that picture book. Too many Georges. Where did all these Georges come from? For some reason, my brain auto-filled that with not enough pie. I think it's because of the nursery rhyme, Georgie Porgie pudding and pie, because the girls made them cry. I think it's hilarious that it's an old-timey name. I would consider it an older name, but now it's a young person's name,

which I think it's hilarious that it's an old timey name. I would consider it an older name, but now it's a young person's name. Yeah. Which I think is great. And the planet Uranus was almost called George. Oh, that would have been so good. After the monarch at the time. Imagine the planets. That would have been so good. Mythical name, mythical name, mythical name, George.

Yeah. Mythical name. Oh, amazing. I want to live in the universe where that happens. Yeah. Saturn. Saturn. Jupiter.

Hey, guys, what are you up to? Me and my mate Neptune. Can you imagine? Neptune's like, I do not know this George individual. Do I love that Uranus is less embarrassing? I'm so sorry to all the Georges listening. Sorry, Georges who have caught astray on this episode. I'm very sorry.

We did not plan this. If your name is George, have you considered changing into Uranus? It's not the advice we're giving. The advice we're giving is to answer the question. Call your kid Uranus. How do you give your kids a sufficiently and usefully unique name? Yes. They point out here, shouldn't have been born all the time and being named

they need your help thanks chris well i think we can see where chris's problems come from in fact they've labeled it chris common name in the 60s no middle name fairly common surname good work chris yeah so beck you've looked into this i have have. What are we going to do? Well, Chris said, should the first name be exotic if the surname is boring? Right. Baby name trends are really interesting. And a lot of the research that's gone into it, like there's so many different things that affect what people call their kids. So in some studies, they found that people with easy to pronounce names tend to do better

in their careers. Generally, people feel more positive towards someone and more likely to remember your name because it's easy to pronounce names tend to do better in their careers. Generally, people feel more positive towards someone and more likely to remember your name because it's easy to pronounce. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a common name. This doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a Western name or something like that. It just needs to be easy to pronounce. Right. I mean, there's still going to be some cultural benefits to names that people already know

how to pronounce. Yeah. Unfair pronounce. Yeah. Unfairly. Yeah. I mean, I don't have any plans to have children, but I have mentioned in a previous live show that I've done that if I had a girl, I would want to call her Ellipsis because then I could give her the nickname Dot. Yeah. Because it's short for Dot, Dot, Dot. Very good name.

And then we became friends. Yeah. And I told you this fact. I was talking about matt simon at school about fun names and we came up with ampersand yeah call him andy right for short yeah how is there no one called ampersand i know and i in a perfect world ampersand and ellipsis are best friends yeah yeah yeah dot and andy good on Dot and Andy. The adventures of Dot and Andy. Yeah. Which, no one take this. This is ours.

If you steal it, we'll know. So there is an argument for that. And they did find in one study as well that sometimes names that were a bit more unique, sometimes that ended up having negative connotations. Either people can't pronounce them or they already have prejudice that says oh if it's a creative name then they're from some type of socioeconomic background obviously these are all biases that society is slowly breaking down but uh it has been known to yeah get in the way of people getting the sort of opportunities that more common names get there's

not just google ability no it's not just that. They also found in some of the studies that girls with gender-neutral names tended to do better in business careers. They tended to stem subjects more. Society is the worst. Yeah, exactly. So a lot of that was due to, you know, outdated beliefs that girls are bad at those things. Side-step misogyny.

Yeah. And weirdly, they also found that subconsciously there was a lot of girls that would also assume that they would be all right at it because their name is less feminine, seen as less feminine. So like they're more likely to have the confidence to go, yeah, I can give that a go because they've sort of grown up feeling less imposed sexism on them based on their name, which is fascinating. Although strangely, the opposite was found for boys with gender neutral names.

They caught secondhand misogyny. Yeah, basically. So yeah, an exotic name in terms of Google, sure, but could make things a little bit more difficult. That said, I would also argue that by having this become more and more common, people are more likely to start understanding that those beliefs are untrue. There are a lot of names out there. Yeah, yeah. I was always tempted to add in an extra middle name.

I'm with you. I think a middle name is a good idea. I think most people in our society have middle names. Obviously, Chris doesn't. Yeah. Poor Chris. Yeah. Just give yourself one anyway, Chris doesn't. Yeah. Poor Chris. Yeah. Just give yourself one anyway, Chris.

Yeah. I was going to add in like E to the I pi plus one equals zero as a middle name. And I looked into the Australian requirements for a middle name in terms of what characters you are and aren't allowed to use. Like, could I put Greek characters? Is superscript allowed in a name? But I was like, it's like a tattoo for your name like at least in a lot of western societies a long time ago everyone just had first names and then as society got bigger and more interconnected you needed more formalized surnames yeah will we hit

another threshold where we've got such a global society where everyone's fighting for the same social media handles that either we have to diversify the population of names we're drawing from or stack more of them in a row. Funnily enough, in 2018, there was a study in the University of Edinburgh. They were finding that choosing a baby's name that is distinctive is becoming harder. Greater media access, global communication and rising immigration have increased people's exposure to different names, but also ensures these names become common more quickly. Yeah.

Yeah. Why did your parents choose your name, Matt? My middle name is my paternal great-grandfather's name. We all got first names that my parents just liked and then like middle names which were like an old person. Actually, apart from my sister, her middle name they just liked as well. Yeah. So mine's Natani, they just liked as well. Yeah. So mine's Natani, which is unique.

Yes. Her parents conjured it up well. That's a whole story. Have we done this on the podcast? I think I've talked about this on the podcast in the past. But yeah, that is an interesting middle name. But I kind of liked it being sort of like a secret to myself until I realized that someone had put it on Wikipedia.

Yeah. Do you all have biblical names? All yes all biblical first names your parents are of the christian religion biblical persuasion the biblical persuasion so it kind of makes sense as to like oh yeah that would be 100 they've pulled names from their kind things that have meaning and from their nearby culture yes yeah i was. I was named after my great grandmother. Again, my mom just liked the name. And were you named and called Rebecca or? Well, look, if you're going to have a kid in Australia,

their name's going to be shortened. Get used to it. 100%. Oh, and if you give them a short name, it's going to get lengthened. There's going to be an O on the end. Oh, yeah. It's going to change length. Yeah.

My sister married someone called Matthew and he gets to be an o on the end oh yeah it's going to change length yeah my sister married someone called matthew and he gets to be called matt but i don't i'm still matthew unbelievable it's almost like because he's an outsider they want to show respect so they're going to use the name yeah yeah yeah there was a journal piece called brandy you're a fine name popular music and the naming of infant girls from 1965 to 1985. And they found out. So when Cool and the Gang's song Joanna hit the Billboard Hot 100 list in 1984, the name Joanna shot up in popularity. Oh, there you go.

The same happened to Rosanna after Toto's song of the same name in 1982. Even some more unconventional names saw a surge in the wake of a hit song. The names Candida, Windy and Ariel were such unpopular names for babies that they had never cracked the top 1000 but after songs with those names became hummable hits in the 60s and 70s they all suddenly debuted on the top baby name charts but they found that as soon as the song left the charts the name waned again oh really that's it it was a one hit wonder name yeah so if you met someone called candida today you'd be like like, wow, that's a strange name. But they might know. They might have gone to school with a bunch of Candidas and they're like, it's not!

A little micro generation of them. Yeah, so what I would say, if you do want to give your child a different name, don't choose one that was in a pop song that's just come out. Pick a pop song from the 70s. Yeah, call them Candida. Doors are wide open for a new generation. Yeah, exactly. If you've got an interesting story about how you've chosen a name or why you've chosen a name, please let us know on Twitter.

We're at a problem squared. I think the whole thing's very fascinating. The only problem with this problem is that it's one of those ones that's a little bit vague and it meant that I had no boundaries. And so i've got a thousand tabs open on my computer a line around the research somewhere yes i mean they probably think it's you know sufficiently straightforward first name unusual middle name to give the child the opportunity to choose. Or you could go for a unique first name, but ensure that the nickname for it is very easy. You know what?

That is the solution we've been dancing around with all this. Yeah. Do you know what? That's actually the best way to name a child is give them an interesting first name that can be shortened. With a boring abbreviation. Yes. Yeah.

The ampersands. And if you have a difficult to pronounce surname, spell it phonetically. If you have a difficult to pronounce surname, get a first name that uses some of the surname to finish a common word. Like be chill. Yeah, like be chill. But a more complicated version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to give uh ding tholomew

i will dingus the third i mentioned this in the la episode that i went to universal studios and they had like a whole simpsons section oh yeah i can't remember if i mentioned this they had a whole they had bought they had bought uh badges Good work. That made me very excited. Well, I'm going to give you a ding, which is coincidentally also a great name for a kid. Oh, yeah. Call your kid Ding. Dingus.

Short for Dingus. We give the worst advice. This next problem is from Mike. Good old Mike. Who sent it into the problem posing page at problemsquared.com. Mike said, help. Great, great opening, Mike. My wife is turning 45 in 2025.

I hope this isn't Mike just going, she's too old. How do we find a younger wife? That's not what Mike is saying. No. Mike said, and I'd like to throw her a themed birthday party based on the square of her age being the year, i.e. 45 squared is 2025. Any suggestions on turning 45 squared equal 2025 into a celebration? I'm thinking square foods, but I'm not sure what to do beyond that. She loves books, horses, and being surrounded by a crowd.

Now, notably, Mike, at no point have you said your wife loves square numbers. Or maths. Or maths, or this podcast. Nope. I feel like. Books, horses, and being surrounded by a crowd. This is a party for you, Mike. Look, we don't know.

Let's assume she's very excited about this. Yeah, okay. And she should be because it's super rare. Ooh. And I knew this fact before this question came in from Mike because much like Mike's wife, I was born in the year 1980, which means next year in 2025, I will also turn 45 and I will be turning the square root of the then current year, which does not happen

very often at all. I made a YouTube video about this on the Numberphile channel in the year 2015 about how excited I was about turning 45 in the year 2025. Oh, you're such a nerd. I have been looking forward to this for a decent percentage of my life. And it's so close. I can taste it. It's next year.

Next year back. So I guess like what? So when is the next year that has a square root? You will, for the people who are born, if people want to line this up, if you can have a child in the year 2070. Gosh. They will turn 46 in the year 2116. Wow. Which is the square of 46.

The last time it happened was people born in the year 1892. Oh, my gosh. And they turned 44 in the year 1936, which is the square of 44. Oh, my goodness. At the moment, it happens just under once a century. Yeah. For birth year. Which is several generations.

Yeah. And what is the cosmic alignment of captain loves ridiculous math facts over here being born in the year and i only discovered this after i decided to become a math teacher it's not like this is this is not my origin story this is the icing on the cake story imagine if you got excited by that and that's how you learned your maths. Oh, I wish that's how I got into this. Oh, my gosh. I'm destined to be square number guy. Destined to be square, all right.

I know. It all makes sense. So pleased. No, it's lovely. I get it. I would be very excited by this too. Yeah. And, you know, I dusted off the spreadsheet I made back in 2015.

That's me doing foley work of blowing dust off of a book. Because there are a few other similar birthdays around that aren't quite as good. Because myself and Mike's wife will turn the square root of the then current year. You think, what about the cube root of the then current year? But the last time that happened was in the year 1716. Okay. So we can't get them on the show is what you're saying. No, they turned 12 in the year 1728, which was the cube root of the then year. All right. Reach out to us if that was you. The next year, I'm getting through this no matter how much fun you make of me.

The year 2184 will be the next batch of cube root turning people. Maybe we would have hit 4 million downloads. Give or take. And all the other ones, there's so so few of them the nearest one that is will be in our lifetimes is the year 2046 because if you're born in the year 2046 you will turn two in the year 2048 and i am also so excited to live in the year 2048 not that it will be my birthday i was like matt you're more than two correct correct correct but 2048 is a power of two it's two to the power of 11 the last time we had one of those was in the year 1024 we get them it's been it'll

be over a millennia. Wow. Millennium since the last one. And the next one won't be until the year 4096. They are so rare. And we are going to have one in the year 2048. And if you're born two years before, you won't remember it, but you will have turned the 11th root of the then current year. Super, super rare alignment. Wow.

Are there any other cool dates that happen like is there an ideal birthday in 2025 if you're turning 45 like is there like a square root of a or something oh i you could probably just try to get dates that have more fun not symmetry is the wrong word for it but you could be born on like the fourth of the fifth to get an extra 45 in there or something silly like that but nothing nothing there's no there's no additional meaningfulness other than just you turn the whole number of the then current year because other years have square roots which are not numbers. The rare thing is a year being a square number in itself, which means it's got a whole number square root,

which means people can be that age or turn that age. Name the square numbers for me again, just the first few. One. Yeah. Four. Yeah. Nine. 16.

25. So if you've got any of these in your birthday, of the day and the month, you can have a square. You can have a really square birth date to go with your squareness. Yeah. No, you're right. That would be extra square. You'd have even better squareness if you were born on like the 9th of March.

So like the day you're born is the square of the month that you were born in or something like that. Yeah, or the 3rd of September if you're in the States. Or the other way around, yes. Either way, either way works. That's cool. Well luckily Mike's wife loves books and those are already square in shape. Yeah, by a cuboid. I mean the short answer is buy them several copies of my books. Yeah, of course course i feel like that's the most mathy way your the book you're working on now will be out by then it will be eventually just just um uh we'll get her a book on horses there you go a book on horses but she

has to go and pick it up from a very crowded bookstore yeah exactly that works done so i i have to admit i mean i should have i've been planning so you haven't solved the problem you just wanted to say i want to emphasize how important this problem is okay but now we'll knock out a quick solution together yeah because also it made me realize seeing this problem that i've been looking forward to this birthday for over a decade and I've been publicly telling people how excited I am about it since the year 2015 and now it's on the horizon it's next year I don't now I'm like oh no what am I going to do like I've got performance anxiety like how how am I going to celebrate this spectacular birthday? So I actually have the same problem as Mike planning for his wife,

but it's me planning for me. Yeah, yeah. Well, what's the- I'm ambivalent about horses. I do like books. And I once or twice I've been surrounded by a crowd. Well, I think it needs to- If you're going to do loads of square-based things,

then the party game's got to play a hopscotch. Oh, that's good. Nice. Yep. Square dance. Yes. Have some square dancing. I mean chess, but also the pieces of squares.

Everyone has to wear checks. A lot of Jenga. Yes. Everyone wears a check. Okay, now we go. Yeah. It'll look a lot like a Steve Mould fan club meetup. Other than that, I am on board.

Yeah. So everyone has to wear checks. Check shirts. Yeah. Hopscotch. Root beer. There you go. Root beer, though.

Write that down. Have you got a pen, Mike? Write that down. Root beer. There you go, root beer though. Write that down. Have you got a pen, Mike? Write that down. Root beer. Square food. You should serve root beer in like square glasses. So everything's like squares and roots. Yeah, it's going to be very uncomfortable.

Like everything's very pointy. Comfort is not the point here, Bec. No, you're right. Yeah, I know. And obviously at the party you listen to a Problem Squared. Obviously. That's your music track. That was implied.

Just our theme on repeat. The theme. We'll send you an audio file, which is the 10-hour mix. I feel like the answer to this problem is, you know, when people have a party and they have a rough theme and then it's the. The guest's job. The guest's job. Yeah.

So my friends would do one where it's like oh it's a london tube theme and so everyone comes as like love it you know something tubish yeah whether it's dressing as the line colors or dressing as one of the tiling patterns yeah like um gavin i once uh made a costume where like a white couch, like the two of us, we had to walk around, we were a big white couch because we were white city. That's outrageous. Which is based on white city. Yeah, I was very proud of that.

Hold on. So, and then there was a couple that showed up. It was Barbie and Ken because they were Barbican. Oh, wow. People really went abstract. Yeah, it was fun. So, I think. So, we should have a square root party

on what country mike doesn't say no i'll organize a big everyone born in 1980 we'll have a square root party yes i say that i'm gonna it'll be it'll be one of a show i'm already doing in london i'll declare it a party. Yeah, or then afterwards. And then the after party is, yeah. You have to play Dance Dance Revolution. I was just trying to think of other things that have squares in them. Yeah, I feel like it's the sort of thing where as long as you're providing square-based food and then you just tell the guests it's a square theme.

Square theme. Then people will either wear squares. Wear squares or like squares. Yeah. Yeah. And if you're lazy like me, you just go, oh, it's bring a plate, and then they'll provide the food as well. Perfect.

So outsource the labor is what you're trying to say. I prefer to attend parties where there is some level of, you were saying that you like to have a project. Yep. And I get excited about parties where there's a little bit of a challenge. Yes. I like it where I will put effort in.

I love Halloween parties. I like anything where someone's like, there's a theme. I'm like, yes. Okay. Done. Done. In fact, I once showed up to a party that i didn't realize had a theme and i'd accidentally already fulfilled it because everyone kept complimenting me on my outfit and it turned out

that the party was dresses what you think the next doctor who should wear that's or like how you think the next doctor in doctor who should dress and i was wearing my normal clothes and i was like wow everyone's so complimentary really nailed the brief and i was like oh and i stand by it yeah the doctor should wear the things i wear so that's my i mean it wasn't my problem to answer but that's my answer we've gone very abstract with this episode we really have a lot of it is like these are our thoughts what would you do you do importantly we need to remember that some people who were born in 1980 listened to this podcast and right now have discovered with a year to spare how special next year's birthday is going to be. You should do like a party kit that you sell on Maths Gear,

which is just like square napkins. Square napkins. Normal. Square plates. Just regular plates and napkins. Actually, you gave us square plates for our lunch. I did give you square plates. Yeah.

Not give-give. You provided the food on a square plate. We used them to eat off because I saw them and thought it was funny that they were square. Yeah. Oh, I am already, like, this whole thing already meshes with my life. Yeah. Well, I guess the answer is look out for where Matt is holding a party for everyone because and hold him to it yep and get your wife a horse a book on horses or horse on books either way either one both are good yeah

and i get and you know make sure everyone you invite comes and then she'll be surrounded by a crowd perfect i don't think we can ding this until no yeah we need to hear back from mike yeah or or that yeah we wait until then i mean i'd say well done but all you did was explain that you are only just beginning now it's time for any other biscuits the natural companion to a cup of tea. Yes. Oh, actually, you know what? I've got a bit of AOB I've got to do. A lot of people wrote in with various takes on my what percentage of roads lead to Rome. Yes.

And the one vein of response I would like to acknowledge is that there are other places called Rome. I took the expression in the way it was intended to mean Rome or Roma Italy. But people are like, mate, there's Rome's everywhere. And it's true. I'm pretty sure there is a Rome on every continent that has a road network. So if you include all the Rome's Roma's, all roads lead to a Rome. Yeah, fair. So yeah, I mean, roams roamers all roads lead to up rome yeah fair so yeah i mean it's not as much fun

no but but it's it's correct i think it's safe to say we knew what the question meant but it is you know what i gotta give credit where it's due very funny response everyone and you are technically correct yeah i mean but for every time you guys send us in a joke it makes it harder for us to find the actual problems no no no keep flooding flooding the problem posing page really really regret adding the solution option now yeah maybe we should have if you have the drop down to solution it goes into a different spreadsheet people will know like that would have been too easy yeah but then people would just put the jokes in as a like if we had another option which was joke or comment people would know that i've written a

script to auto delete them so they wouldn't use them no i don't mind the jokes all right but to separate them from the yeah we can sort at the moment our problems and solutions are all it just all comes in chronological order i think for the last two years i've been like mac can you change it so that the new ones come in at the top and that's we don't we have to scroll for so long i download it and then re-sort it anew every time and re-sort and format it the way I like but anyway, thank you for people who send in technically correct joke answers

I'd like to acknowledge there is a Rome on every road network yes, well done I have so many other businesses as I mentioned at the beginning of the podcast I have started gigging again so check out my website beckillcomedian.com or be chill comedian.com and uh look at the gigs or events or tours or whatever the the link is in there uh i have a calendar which i try to

keep up to date so please pop along to any of those come Come and say hi. And I will be back in LA. Oh, yeah, you're going back? Yeah. Can't stay away. Well, I'm trying to find a place that I can have a career. Call home. That is also warm during the winter months. That's not Australia.

Yeah, because I could go back to Australia, but that's very expensive and a very long, long flight. So far. And, I mean, no matter how successful I am in Australia, it doesn't necessarily pay off in other countries. No, no, no, no. And I feel like if I was to have some sort of success in LA, that would somehow help here oh yeah

yeah I can see how that's a transferable thing and I like the climate there I like it a lot more than here during the winter months you'd visit me I mean look we say this as if I've got the this is what I'm getting the paperwork to work and live in America is very straightforward oh yeah yeah what I'm getting to is uh if anyone has any knowledge of any sort of work that i could legally do over there if any if anyone has a an american business that wants to sponsor a small australian oh my goodness to be there for six months of the year every year just the cold ones then uh i'll stay around longer if it's worth it uh but also i might try and do some i won't be

able to get paid for them but i might try and do some gigs while i'm out there and so keep an eye out my socials and i'll i'll announce that if you want to come see me do some silly stand-up i've got the new evening of unnecessary detail shows happening in london every two months at the cockpit theater not that far from milebone. Head on over to our website to find the details. Oh, and we're doing one in Bristol. We're doing a big one in Bristol. If anyone is near the Bristol Beacon on the 12th of March, so two days before Pi Day,

we're doing Evening of Unnecessary Detail Extravaganza. Extravaganza! It's going to be a whole thing. Oh, and I'll be in New York again. If people want to come and see Evening of Unnecessary Detail on the 14th of April, I will be doing it. And maybe some maths. Up and coming internet maths person named Grant Sanderson.

Oh, I love Grant. Grant's wonderful. Grant-erson. That's what nobody's ever called him. That's his full name. That's what Grant-erson is. Oh, is it? I didn't know Grant's wonderful. Granderson. That's what nobody's ever called him. That's his full name. That's what Granderson is. Oh, is it? I didn't know.

Granderson Sanderson. Love it. Every show we like to thank three of our Patreon supporters who really are the kettle that makes the tea possible. In that they're hot. They're hot and they're activated by a switch. And so we pick three names. Turned on and steamy.

Turned on and steamy. So we pick three names at random from our big old spreadsheet. It's just another spreadsheet of Patreon supporters. And we thank them at the end of the episode which this time includes I don't know how to mispronounce this one but I'll try my best.

Give it a go. David Smith. Smith. All right. Here we go. David. Da. Va.

At what point does it just you're missing out on the on the on the dance that goes with beck saying that dav davide smith only you can pronounce names like a gymnast landing at the end of a routine i've got my arms up in the air and everything. Well, I don't know if this is a real name. It could be. Fluro Yellow, I think is how it would be read as written. But I'm going to read it as Flu Oro. Yell!

Ow. And Ayl Zander. Oh, nice. yell ow and ale zander oh nice coleopolis effect thank you so much for listening to our problem squared if you'd like your name mispronounced head on over to patreon.com slash problemsquared. We've been Beck Hill and Matt Parker. And the bag holding our tea together. I'm not sure if that's the compliment you think it is. Oh, I really should write this in advance. It's our producer, Lauren Armstrong Carter.

Thank you for listening. Okay, back. Yes. Dice. How many? Oh, yeah. Jar in. So I'm still going to, I'm using my old technique before. Oh, you're going to split the difference?

Yeah. Again, it's hard it's an odd number i think i went for 474 didn't i that sounds about right okay i feel like i've done some bad math somewhere but i've stayed out of that i did think omat would have called me out on this no no no no cool i'll just wait for everyone to write back in solution and be like beck you idiot and you actually if there's an odd number of numbers in the range it could be, that's good because it means there'll be a middle one and then an even number on either side. Yeah.

Or it could be an odd number, but it'd be the same on both sides. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I'm just, I'm staying right out of it. You say a number, I say hi, hello. That's, that's my involvement. You say a number, I say hello. Okay.'s my involvement you say a number i say hello okay i'm gonna do you know what i'm gonna say is this isn't even going in by my anymore but i'm gonna say 469 lower just like you've lowered the tone have we met