All Fantasy Everything - A Sandwich (w/ Sean Jordan and David Gborie)
Episode Date: August 17, 2017It's the perfect food. But who has the most perfect version of this perfect food? That's why we draft. The crew is back together, as Ian Karmel, Sean Jordan and David Gborie get together to d...raft the perfect sandwich, piece by piece. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
The podcast that spent three weeks on tour around the United States of America,
got into some follies and misadventures, and came back to us in LA, straight to the studio.
Oh yeah.
Playboy.
Didn't even stop at home.
Didn't stop at home straight
from the fucking golden streets of las vegas got road draws that's what that's what the podcast is
today some silver some silver i'm in the precious metal game i'm gonna wait till i get my rubies on
dude rubies those aren't going anywhere they're not going i don't think so i silver's going up
did you get your silver in vegas no i that's that's i'm not at
liberty to say where i got my silver oh i gotta let's just say i got a silver connect off of whom
you got your silver yeah yeah i gotta connect sure have a silver connect i'm in the game now
i'm in the game i like that because i feel like you could buy a silver out of an attache case
i think yeah i think that's how it i mean you know people got like a metal briefcase and you're like
oh yeah it was i mean the way the game was given to me, I was just blessed.
Yeah.
It just, somebody palmed it to me.
Just was like, hold on to this.
Yeah.
Like Sharon Stone in Casino, like just tucked it in her palm and just kind of slid it to you.
Yeah, just kind of like, yeah.
I'll show you, it's in the car.
I'll show you guys the silver app.
I want to see it.
It's pretty cool.
We were saying downstairs with impending doom, good to be in the silver game.
Silver's up.
Money might not mean anything, but silver will always be shiny.
It's gone up like three bucks since I got it.
Yeah.
Silver's always going to be shiny.
Profit.
So everyone that makes it through is going to be like, that's pretty shiny, dude.
Rubies are always going to be beautiful, man.
Yeah, true.
At some point, we may not care about Alexander Hamilton.
I think that's the first to go.
Get rid of your cash.
He's the first.
Oh, yeah. He's out. Ven get rid of your cash oh yeah he's out
venmo us all your cash yeah we'll take it off and then all liquidate it into the silver game
as i see fit and you'll have to yeah he's gonna he's got that connect fund manager yeah i'm a
silver broker now yeah yeah you gotta you gotta be the hookup you gotta yeah are we ever gonna
meet your silver connect no no it's gonna be like a you're not seeing drug dealing like a like a
blow situation do you have to get shot before i meet your silver as soon as you give up the connect
i'm gonna fuck you right out of the deal that's you could meet the connect but then you're dead
dude you're dead like no david dies and then i'm you know i'm the new connect i'm like taking over
the connect that's why i can't tell you who the connect is no yeah sure i won't take it over
country he could be any it could be in toledo no trust me i won't take it over just tell me who it
is oh yeah yeah well maybe we'll see.
You're taking him for a fool, Sean.
Yeah.
You're trying to-
You're taking David for a fool?
You're trying to-
You think I'm tuna?
And I'm going to be lost in Mexico?
No, listen.
I don't take you for-
With that fat guy in blue?
I don't take you for a fool at all.
Just tell me who your hookup is.
Listen, listen, listen, listen.
Give it to me, bro.
That's not what we're here for today.
Give me the fucking name, bro.
Sean's playing the soft sell on you.
I don't like it.
I'm going to play the hard sell.
Give me the fucking name, bro.
I don't like any of this.
I say, I got to stop saying bro jokingly because it's going to.
No.
It's almost in there.
Let it be a normal thing.
It's almost in there.
Why is it so bad?
It's in there for me.
Did that not, like if I just said like.
Whatever, bro.
Oh, bro, let me get some buffalo chicken on that pizza.
Would that.
You wouldn't think I sounded dumb if we were like a pizza.
Who are you saying that to?
The dude working.
Like, bro, let me get some buffalo chicken.
What's his vibe?
He's all right.
Does he have a hat on?
20.
Yeah, he's got a hat on.
He's got a visor on.
Front to the back?
Front.
They make you wear it to the front of Pizza Rev, I think.
Paying off college and better things in the future or never went to college and maybe
this is it.
Yeah.
Deciding.
He's only 20.
Oh.
Took a year off.
Oh, gap year?
Like ambitious?
He's really good at skateboarding.
But does he sell weed?
Well, yeah.
Okay, so he's got some ambition.
I didn't even call that dude bro.
I have another one.
Before I weigh in, I have one more follow-up question.
Is it a chain pizza restaurant or is it a one-off?
Pizza Rev is a chain, yeah.
Oh, Pizza Rev.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, I've never eaten that.
I can't call it.
Yeah, that backs me out.
All those questions.
All those questions.
Oh, shit.
I've never been there, though.
I've never been to Pizza Rev. And that's why we don't know if I can say bro or not. Right. All those questions. Oh, shit. I've never been there, though. I've never been to Pizza Rep.
And that's why we don't know if I can say bro or not.
Right.
But you can say it to me.
Bro.
Like, yeah.
You just call me up, bro.
Can we spell it B-R-O-U-G-H?
No.
Bruh.
B-R-E-A-U-X?
B-R-U-H.
Bruh.
Well, the number of H's depending on how you feel.
I'll send a bro with six H's.
Sure.
Oh, yeah. That's what I felt when
you pulled up today. Bro!
You see? You can definitely
call me bro. I am a bro, dude. Yeah, see?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We like sports.
Love Sublime. True. Sports.
Dude, we've been going to the beach.
But if you're a bro, we've seen the beach pics.
Also, you guys are browning.
I've seen you guys. Right? Both dark.
I'm redding. I'm redding. No, it's getting in. Is it getting brown? My browning. Yeah. I see you guys. Right? Both dark. I'm redding. I'm redding.
No, it's getting in.
Is it getting brown?
My browning?
Your arms look good.
Yeah, dog.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, bro.
I see you shining.
I see you shining.
I'm out there, bro.
You're out there playing catch the other day.
I'm in the silver game.
You're in the bronze game.
You're Mrs. Boomer.
Yeah.
You said you're, what'd you just say?
Get my wandering Jew on.
Lost in the desert.
This is my good friend, Wandering Jew on.
Wandering Jew.
Wandering Jew on.
People who run the podcast come out while you were on the road?
Yes.
Oh, my gosh.
Shout out, first of all, in New York, Alex from Story Pirates.
Playboy.
He told me at the Lucille Ball Comedy Festival, came up to me and said AFV is his favorite show.
Whoa.
Said that the other night he had a party.
A party winded down.
It's like five, six people after the dinner party.
Hell yeah.
He got out a piece of paper.
They all drafted their favorite desserts.
Oh, I love that.
Dude.
We got to do that one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So tight.
I want to be at that party.
We got to do that one.
Yeah.
So tight.
I want to be at that party.
Shout out to the couple in Chicago who came out and got honestly hammered drunk.
Yeah.
No.
People all over the country came out. I forgot all the names specifically, but it was so great, man.
You know who you are.
You guys are the best.
I really appreciate you.
Seriously.
I was just out.
Same thing in Denver and even in Michigan.
Not even in Michigan.
It's dope.
Not even in Michigan.
Also in Michigan.
People came out.
Even in Sioux Falls is what I could say.
Yeah, dude.
Everybody rocks, man.
I can relate because I was nominated for an Emmy.
Yes!
Whoa!
The Young Emmy got.
That's crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I haven't been on the road per se, but.
You've been here winning Emmys.
That's okay. Dude, I got a bucket hat mean, I haven't been on the road, per se, but... You've been here winning Emmys. That's okay.
Dude, I got a bucket hat out of it.
Oh, out of the Emmy?
Out of getting nominated.
I leveraged it online.
You didn't see any.
You didn't catch any of this heat?
You were going for this whole thing?
No.
Yeah, but you still...
Twitter's every...
Ian, Twitter, no matter where you're at, you can look...
That's on the internet?
Yeah, everywhere, dude.
Listen, man, I was in...
Just like Emmy nominations.
They're everywhere.
Anybody can see them.
Listen, I'm a mogul now. I was checking silver prices all day. Listen, man, I was in... Just like Emmy nominations. They're everywhere. Anybody can see them. Listen, I'm a mogul now.
I was checking silver prices all day.
Listen, Silver Game, when did you turn into a mogul?
That pink newspaper?
Sometimes you see dudes with suits at the airport.
We were like, what's that fucking pink newspaper?
Yeah, that secret paper.
That's like the news news.
That's like what's really going on.
Yeah.
Kanye West drafts.
They give us shit where it's like, can you believe how big this rabbit is?
And they're over there reading about the price of the
croner.
Plutonium is taking over.
It even tells them what to say if someone
comes up and asks about that big rabbit that was in their
normal paper.
Yeah, yeah.
That's quite the rabbit.
Some rabbit, eh?
Now get on your spirit flight.
I think I've said this on the podcast before, so we'll be brief.
Oh, no, I did see that.
I did see that.
And Lids sent me a Miami Dolphins bucket hat and a Florida Marlins regular hat.
What?
Yeah.
Well, a throwback.
Throwback hat.
And I got us $50 at P.F. Chang's.
What?
We can use whenever we got a free night coming up.
Oh, man, that's gonna get done.
It's gonna get got. Shout out to Lids
because we just went to Lids the other day.
That's what inspired me to do it. I copped the two.
I got the club. I'm in the club.
The Lids club. Yeah. I haven't copped
a lid from Lids in years.
It's almost upsetting. We gotta get you
a lid. It's coming up. They should come take something
away from me since I haven't bought something there. You should. They should take
that hat I gave you, that coal hat.
Send this coal hat?
Yeah.
They could pry it out
of my fucking
dead bronze hands.
That's why they
call you the rattlesnake.
My golden...
These old copper pennies
over here.
Those bronze mittens
you got over there?
Dye your eyes
and cross your T's,
my friend.
Your bronze baby shoes?
Amber waves of pain,
you know what I'm saying?
Coming at you.
Sioux Valley and McKinnon,
those are the two
hostels.
Purple Mountain's tragedy.
A lot of good nicknames on the table right there
oh yeah
I'm really excited
about all of those
that'd be a good name
for you cause
Purple Mountain
Colorado Rockies
yeah
the Purple Mountain
Tragedy dude
cause I'll fuck your day up
you're Amber Ways of Pain
and I don't think
they mention the West Coast
in that song so much
I don't think they do
is there anything
from the West Coast
in that song
Spacious Skies Is there anything from the West Coast in that song?
Spacious guys?
Fruited Plains?
Nope, also not us.
I mean, we have fruit up there.
Have you guys ever heard of Williams and Ree?
No. Is that a Midwest thing?
No.
Is this some kind of steak dish?
No, they did a parody.
This land is my land, it isn't your land.
They're a couple of native native dudes but it was a good
it was a funny little parody
if you
if you would have given me
a hundred guesses
at what Williams and Ree
I don't think I would have
landed on a Native American
parody duo
I didn't give it
any context
I'm confident
you could have given me
a thousand guesses
if those were your
silver hookups
I'd have been like
yeah okay
Williams and Ree
Williams always
sit shotgun
yeah and Ree's always always sits shotgun. Yeah.
And Ree's always flying the plane. They don't drive.
No, they don't drive. You don't drive.
Oh, God, no. Fucking drive to a silver
spot? You kidding me? If you told me Williams and Ree
was like the United Kingdom's answer to
Chippendale Rescue Rangers.
Where they're just two, they work the tube
and they solve very like... They're just like badgers.
They're two badgers who work in the subway
and solve very solvable problems.
Just like, there's too much rubbish on the tube.
Ree, there's a very obvious answer here.
Well, Williams, I don't know what it is.
Addressing shortly.
Oh, I'm so excited to be home, guys.
Sean Jordan and David Borey.
Yes, sir.
Yes.
Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mellon Jordan on the gram. Say a word. excited to be home guys sean jordan and david borey yes sir yes sean uh s jordan on twitter
sean cougar melon jordan on the gram say word uh what do you got coming up anything to plug
uh you know this is a pretty good podcast you know this i'd just say keep listening
you gotta you got a job have you worked that job yet i haven't yo what's up with the jlb
it's i do i slang scripts for the la.A. Philharmonic, dude.
Obi-Wan J-O-B.
I don't even know what that means.
If you want to go season pass to the L.A. Philharmonic, hit up Sean.
Yeah.
I want some cheap tickets.
I don't know how cheap they're going to be at the L.A. Phil playboy,
but you're in the silver game.
You got scratch.
Yeah.
Here's the flip side of the silver coin.
Now you've got to start living that silver guy lifestyle. That's what'm worried about the film harmonic is the first step yeah you got to buy a
suit we're better to show off your silver dude right there right there in the orchestra section
the pit of the la film yeah but they know you got it if you're sitting that close they know
some of them can smell it on me you can probably see it because you wear tight shirts now too
right so you can see a little bump tighter tighterer. Tighter than what they have been.
Yeah, I got a job selling tickets basically with the LA Philharmonic.
You like it?
I mean, I like that it will allow me to stay in LA so I can do this.
So we're not going to go to the mall?
Not every day.
We're going to still go to the mall.
Yeah, we're going to go to the mall.
I got two weeks coming up.
Ian's had a job forever.
Hell yeah.
I work one more week and I'm off for two weeks
The sea the shining sea part
Technically one of those seas is the west coast
True
One of the shining seas
Some kind of the pining sea
I don't know what to
The pining sea
Yeah the pining pine trees
Sean poured concrete
Out of a fire hose
A friend of the podcast, Chris
Sharpentier and I went... Oh, you worked
on that house? He brought me out doing
some construction. I'll tell you what, I
am not a construction worker.
Sharpie's like a tough man.
Dude, he's so tough. I'm holding this fucking
hose and I thought I was gonna
die. We're like 10 minutes in and he's like,
hey, you're gonna want to hold it different because
we're gonna be doing this all day.
I don't know what else to hold it dude and then it gets hairy like they're you know they're pouring concrete and they're like whoa and everyone's freaking
out but they can't just stop the conch so you just have to deal with it while you're doing it
you know i feel like you're holding on to shaquille o'neal's dils nick yeah yeah but this
was silver though so his mom was like it was holding onto your chain.
Louisiana trouser snake.
Is he from Louisiana?
Yeah, originally.
He must have been.
Why else go to LSU?
Yeah, he went to LSU.
That was birthed in the swamp.
Yeah.
We might just be confusing him with Neon Boudreaux from Blue Chips, though.
I honestly don't know the difference.
Let's just give that origin story to shack yeah yeah what what from
what you looked at me like well shack used i thought you were saying shack isn't in blue chips
no no no yeah okay all right his origin story real life origin story oh i think his origin
story is in life all right i like that we just had a what? Wait, what? What?
What?
What, dude?
Hey.
What, bro?
Yeah.
Yeah.
David Borey.
Yes, sir.
At the GS silent on Twitter.
Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram.
And this is coming out a week from today.
This is coming out on Thursday.
Okay, so.
Which is a week from today.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Tonight, the night that this is out, I'm going to be headlining Stand Up Live in Phoenix. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tonight, the night that this is out, I'm going to be headlining Stand Up Live in Phoenix.
Oh, yeah.
With friend of the podcast, Mike Malloy featuring.
I love that.
Mike Malloy.
And then that weekend, me, you.
Oh, yeah.
Me and Ian are going to be at Sonoma?
Something like that.
Wine Country.
We're up in Wine Country that weekend.
What show is that?
Where are we?
It's at some type of a brew.
Healdsburg.
Yeah.
It's some type of a brew house.
Healdsburg?
Healdsburg.
I don't know.
It's a sweet situation, though.
It sounds like it's going to be really fun.
Wait a minute.
What day?
Friday?
Saturday?
Saturday.
I have a show Friday in Seattle that I just forgot about.
Oh, there you go.
Anyway, so the day after this comes out, I have a show in Seattle.
Yeah.
Anyway.
And I'm in Healdsburg with David.
That's so cool. Saturday. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. Anyway. And I'm in Healdsburg with David. That's so cool.
That's Saturday.
Yeah.
That's fucking awesome.
Yeah.
It's going to be crazy.
You guys going to drink?
You're going to drink some wine?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, listen, I'm in the Silvergate.
Do you have to check your silver or can you bring it on the plane?
Oh, what?
The kind of planes he flies on now.
Yeah.
You don't have to check anything.
I don't even have to wear seatbelts anymore.
You know what I mean?
Woo, dog.
They serve me Chinese food. Do I have to get some kind of jewelry? You got to get seatbelts anymore. You know what I mean? They serve me Chinese food.
Do I have to get some kind of jewelry?
You got to get some kind of metal.
Yes.
You got to get in the precious metals.
I bought a gold chain.
I want everyone in this room to be deathly honest with me.
Yeah.
Everybody can.
You tell me if you think I would look even close to decent with a chain on.
I think you could rock a chain.
I think it comes from your heart.
It comes from your heart. It doesn't matter what we tell you. You have to believe it. You're afraid you can't wear a chain. I'm you could rock a chain i think it's it comes from your heart it doesn't matter what we tell you you have to believe it you're afraid i'm getting a bunch of
nose that's all you think you can't wear a chain i think you can wear it i don't think you wear a
lot of shirts that because you have shirts with stuff on them yeah and you if you're gonna wear
a chain it's gotta be plain it's gotta be plain plain chain i only do the lifting i only wear my
chain with a button up or a black t-shirt.
Exactly.
Let the chain do the work.
I have been wanting to get into the plain t-shirt game for a while, though.
The solid color game.
That's the game to be in.
It's good.
David's not rocking it right now.
Is a chain going to fit over my turtleneck when I climb into the turtleneck game?
Absolutely.
Wow, is that where this is building?
You wear it all, but the whole thing stays outside the turtleneck.
Yeah, you got to keep the chain outside.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not like a waterfall.
Come on.
Oh, God, no.
What are you?
What do you teach junior high school?
A waterfall?
Steven, open your goddamn book, I said.
Yeah, tell your dad I swore.
I give a fuck.
He's going to believe me.
I got a chain.
What are you doing?
Open your book.
You're failing.
You're 19. What are you in middle school for, Steven? Open your book. You're failing. You're 19.
What are you in middle school for, Steven?
Open your goddamn book.
Tell your sister I said hi.
Oh, man.
The waterfall chain. I see you over there reading Stuff Magazine, Steven.
Maxim is almost porn, Jacob.
Yeah, Healdsburg.
I should look up what that show is.
Yeah, I think it's going to be really fun.
Yeah, I think it is too.
You're going to be in Seattle.
Otherwise, I thought I was working that Friday.
Now I know I'm not going to work that Friday.
And we could have driven up together.
Are you driving up?
I might on Friday now.
Can I drive with you?
I thought we were.
We can talk about all that.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll talk about it.
We'll address it out there.
But if you're listening and you have some feedback for whether or not.
Yeah, should we drive?
Should we fly?
Please add us on Twitter.
You know what I will say is whenever I can drive, the Miracle Whip's not really making
it anywhere outside of the city limits.
But if I have someone else's whip that I can drive, it's a very pretty drive and I
like it.
Like if you have the whole day to spend.
From here to, I guess it's only to the bay.
I keep forgetting that it's not...
Portland's like too far.
Portland's way too far. Shane today,
he's like, yeah, I got a bus to San Francisco
from LA, mind you. He's like, yeah, it'll be like
five hours or something. Not seven.
On that bus, seven. Bananas.
Like eight hours, dude. Anyway.
What do you take? Megabus? Yeah, bold bus.
Sonoma Cider in
Healdsburg, California. yes come out cider house rules we'll
get we'll get hammered with you and that's by that's by the bay that's by the bay area folks
roll out drink some wine yeah roll out you can stay in our hotel room yeah it is oh i think we're
in some type of cottage yeah it's a cottage oh dog i mean i don't know that i just feel it feels
like cottage country then we're gonna do some day swimming. Oh, yeah. We should float the river.
Yeah.
It's what I heard the wave is out there.
That's just the wave.
94.7.
The wave.
I just put an almond in my mouth like an idiot.
What am I doing?
I'll introduce it.
I'll introduce it.
I'm a fucking idiot.
I'm a fucking idiot.
Hey, Derek, can I kiss you on the mouth?
I'm a fucking idiot.
Today's draft was suggested by a listener at Gutter Car yesterday.
Hell yeah.
It was an idea that tickled us in such a way that we had to do it immediately.
Quickest turnaround ever, I think, right?
I think it is.
From idea to recording.
I mean, please keep sending us suggestions
We won't turn them all around this quick
But this one just told us
What we're doing is drafting a sandwich
Previously we drafted sandwiches
With me, Jake, and Amir
This one we're drafting
A sandwich
One bread, one meat, one cheese
To rule them all
One condiment And then a wild card yeah i like
that x factor dude
the boiling the boiling pits of mordor
my friend my friend that's my wild card you son of a bitch he always used to be like you know
how sean beach in the boiling with the mortar. Throw that bitch in the boiling pits of Mordor. Raise a sharp glass in the boiling pits of Mordor.
Like, dude, you couldn't get me in character enough to not laugh saying that.
There's one scene in Lord of the Rings when one of the Uruk-hai is running.
And he looks like Anthony Kiedis in.
Yeah.
In the bridge.
He looks really like free.
Yeah.
His hair is flowing.
It's kind of beautiful.
It's like beautiful.
I'm like, I've been rooting for the wrong side.
They are so scary.
Those Uruk-
Not the orcs.
The big dudes.
They are fucking buck looking, dude.
Yeah, the race mixers.
David.
That was funny to say.
That was funny to say.
I've been in a car all day.
I was just going to ask why your dick was out when you said it.
Hey, come on.
I just came from the East Coast. I'm been in the car all day. I was just going to ask why your dick was out when you said it. Hey, come on. I just came from the East Coast.
I'm walking here.
Hey!
I'm walking here.
I'm drafting here.
So, shout out to
AtGutterCar. Thank you for the suggestion.
Yeah, totally.
And the way we determined the draft order
is with a rocking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Oh, boy. I'm rusty.
It's been a while, huh?
Fucking slipping on that silver. You probably forgot how to play.
Oh, baby, baby. I'm covered in the silver now.
Oh, baby, baby.
David is warming up his wrist.
I'm also saying baby, baby now.
I like that, too.
You said it quick, though. Ooh, baby, baby.
Baby, baby. Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, hey, baby, baby. I just like that
wild world song. Hello, baby. I'm going to go, baby, baby. I just like that Wild World song.
Hello, baby.
I'm going to go big bopper.
I'm going to go the other way.
Yeah, you got to make it long.
You flash forward.
I'll flash back.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Sean, you can stay in the middle.
Right here.
Baby.
Baby.
Baby, baby, baby.
Please, baby, baby, baby.
Y'all throw a shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Paper, paper.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Paper, paper. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Paper, paper. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Paper, paper.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
Sean broke the chain with scissors.
No, he...
David went scissors, too.
People went scissors!
Fuck!
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
People went rock!
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
Oh!
Sean went paper.
Oh, that was a hard...
It was a mighty battle.
That was a mighty battle.
It was like a cartoon of a T-Rex and a Triceratops going at it.
I got something in the background.
I got something to prove over here with your ice.
Listen, baby, baby, I'm into it.
Sometimes you got to try on the new slime.
I love it.
Yeah, dude, buy it.
That's a win.
Yeah, that's the summer way.
You can wear that out.
Oh, I'm going to.
David's going first.
I'm going second.
Ian's going third.
What type of draft is it, though?
It's a serpentine.
That's great.
What is that?
It's sort of like how a snake slithers around.
And you know how they go from side to side, kind of?
Yes.
So this draft is serpentine in that you'll be the head of the snake.
It will go to me, and then it'll go to Ian, and then it will turn around.
I understand.
So Ian will be the third and fourth pit.
So this is something like if I were to break into where they keep bobsleds.
And I tried to steal one,
and I didn't know that they chained all the bobsleds together.
So I take off down the mountain in one of the bobsleds,
but it accidentally brings eight other bobsleds with me,
and they start careening down the hill.
Yeah.
That would be a beautiful nightmare.
No, I didn't know that they chained all the bobsleds together.
I don't know either. I'm going to takebsleds together. I don't know either.
I'm going to take that as factual information.
This is a hypothetical situation.
I'm taking it as factual.
They 100% do.
It's a fact.
Who's first?
I'm first.
David's first.
The G will not be silent for this first pick.
We're going bread?
Yeah.
Well, you can pick whatever you want first.
Oh, wait.
Yeah, I wasn't sure how that was.
So here's what it is.
Okay.
I mean, you have to have a bread.
You have to have a meat. You have to have a bread. You have to have a meat.
You have to have a cheese.
You have to have a condiment.
You have to have a wild card.
Okay.
But you can pick them in any order.
Okay.
We're not doing a bread round.
Okay.
So we can all just pick.
You can go whatever first.
Holy shit, dude.
All right.
I got to take my shirt off.
Yeah.
Well, I'm still, you know what?
I'm still coming from the outside working in.
My first, my bread.
Brady Van Halen.
Uh-huh.
Waffles.
What? It's on the list,affles what it's on it's on it's on
the list
goddamn time waffles
waffles for the bread I've
never had a sandwich with waffles I've sandwiched
things between waffles and eating them so
you have had a sandwich I guess I have I was just thinking
about it wrong yeah waffles is my
bread I've definitely waffled between different kinds
of bread but never had waffle hello yeah waffle bread hello big boy hello
hello power 10 head gum over here hello
waffles and that's how i started to get sued by big boy so i love that uh yeah waffles are good
as fuck waffles are good i've had more
chicken and waffles this year than i think in any other year of my life and see that's a that's a
sign of the glow up and i'm not talking belgian waffles i'm talking like you go to roscoe's like
the fin waffles yes thin circular waffles never been to a roscoe's now i'm sorry that's what my
dad calls a handgun by the way that is so cool yeah i'm pretty sure
that's also what corrupt calls a handgun my dad and corrupt should hang out well that's the dad
no beanie seagull says that bang the roscoe to the sunrise plus that's a dumb one of the many
things that ivan carmel and beanie seagull haven't come one of the many many many things
wardrobe choices included hundreds of
things hundreds hundreds of things i've heard they call ivan carmel the broad street bullet
both big fans of uh they're both divers which you wouldn't think beanie seagulls
cave diving and making his own kombucha
we were driving with ian's dad one time and uh we're coming back from tacoma his dad was giving
shane and i right i wasn't even in the car and ivan was talking about his kombucha that he makes
and i go i don't i don't like kombucha and he goes you are so goddamn midwestern it makes me sick
i don't know man you don't come at somebody's kombucha like that not in their own way i did
not in their own way yeah all right that was me not me out which one of you was smashed up in the back
of that thing by zach back there saying dumb shit you know how awkward zach gets just back there
saying just leaning in we're like zach nobody needs you up here we're having our own conversation
our big muscular boy
he's so strong he sat down on the couch the other day with a towel around his neck no shirt on like
a fucking lifeguard taking a break and just sat down and like watch everybody play fifa
fresh out the shower looked amazing yeah he's the kid's strong waffles huh kids he that he's
shit like waffles too that's what makes me so mad he will eat like he goes to jersey
mike's with me all the time all the the time. He comes home with fucking 5,000 calories worth of Jersey Mike's.
How's that?
Yeah, he's like whole shirt Michael's.
And he plays his abs like it's a fucking glockenspiel.
You know?
Tell me what you think of this.
He doesn't go to Jersey Mike's.
He goes to Uniform Mike's.
Huh?
Oh.
He's got the whole thing?
I don't get it.
Waffles, huh?
Yeah, Waffles was my first pick.
So his jersey is like an outfit.
You know, it's like the top half of a uniform.
I know.
I know, man.
I mean, I felt it.
I understood.
I didn't want to.
All right.
I feel like.
I like that you tried.
I never want you to stop.
I'll get silver one of these days,
and then everything's going to hit.
Everything hits.
That's how it goes.
Who needs silver when you're already gold?
We love you.
Hey, stay it, pony boy.
Come on.
Stay on top. We love you. Come on. it, pony boy. Come on. Stay on top.
We love you.
Come on.
Waffles.
Waffles is the first.
I can't wait to see what else gets fucking put in here.
This is crazy.
It's going weird.
Well, there's ways you can go because you're a savory guy.
As am I.
I think we're all savory, right?
We're all savory, boys.
He doesn't like sweet with his meat, and he started with a waffle.
It's going to be crazy.
But that can get real savory, though.
There's maybe some shit changed on the road.
Listen, guys.
A lot changed. I had a rosemary waffle
rosemary yeah while i was in new york i went to this place called sweet chicks or something it
was right next to the baller ass hotel sweet ladies please maybe and i think it was called
sweet chicks sweet chicks sweet chicks sweet chicks maybe and they had a variety of waffles rosemary and rosemary was one of them
and it went uh really well with the chicken okay yeah i could see that oh yeah maybe it wasn't
called sweet chicks anyway you just wanted it oh shit yeah it's it is it's sweet chicks it is sweet
chicks and it's a chicken and waffle restaurant co-owned by naz dog i had no idea i love that
you just got found that like naturally
just you and naz are naturally gravitated towards each other
you just ended up at a place co-owned by not yeah you were just like this looks ill-mannered this is
great you were quoting him in line and you didn't think anything of it everyone's like this fucking guy
yeah yeah we get it that's just how i talk no i just have a belly shirt with nasa's face on it
that i just wear everywhere savory food shit that ian carmel grooves with that's what i felt when i
walked in okay but yeah waffles okay okay and yes the thin ones get out of here with the fucking
belgian waffles i don't eat all that in my life.
It's too much bread.
There's too much waffle.
I'd rather have another waffle.
Yes.
I want another waffle.
I don't want the one thick waffle.
I'm also trying to have a day after that.
I eat a whole Belgian waffle with the powdered sugar.
Yeah, and then I got the extra shit, the strawberries and the blueberries and the whipped cream.
Come on, man.
Yeah, I got shit to do.
Maybe I've been too fat for too long.
Like, come on, man.
Yeah, I got shit to do.
Maybe I've been too fat for too long.
But I can't anymore just eat a fucking cake for breakfast like that.
It's a cake.
It's a cake. That's the thing about it.
That's how I feel about pancakes, too.
It's a goddamn cake.
I don't like getting one.
Like, when I get $9, it's like waffles are $9, and they give me one waffle.
I want more than one thing for $9.
I want a bunch of waffles.
I feel ripped off. So that's what I don't want want i just don't want one big ass waffle for nine bucks
i feel that you know give me like give me four little ones and then i'll leave one i'll feel
good about myself yeah my favorite waffles were do you remember when egos did the little cinnamon
toast waffles oh yeah no four on the one sheet i like when there's four i like when there's like
a real definite yeah yeah and i can like pull them apart. Oh, like four sections of like pie wafers kind of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's my, I want more waffles is what I want.
I want more waffles.
I don't want.
Silver dollar waffles.
How about that?
That's, where are we at?
Where are those?
The problem with that is you need the tiny waffle iron.
Yeah.
And then that's, you can only sell that at Crate and Barrel.
But that's a problem that.
There's nowhere else that you can just sell tiny.
Oh, you can get at Williams and Ree.
Oh, yeah. At the mall. If you get it at Williams and Ree. At the mall.
If you stop in at Williams and Ree, you can get all sorts of weird little kitchen shit.
It's only South Dakota stuff, though.
It's like a South Dakota waffle iron.
That's perfect, because that's like a square, right?
Yeah.
It's like a loose rectangle.
Sort of a loose rectangle.
Sean Jordan, it's time for your first pick in the a sandwich draft uh man i want to go
bread but my bread ain't uh where it needs to be so i'm gonna go i'm gonna go cheese first i'm
building a masterpiece but my cheese we're gonna keep it i'm going pepper jack pepper jack pepper
jack cheese that's a cheese you can get at subway but that's exciting yeah a lot of this stuff might
be things you can get at subway you might just that's exciting. Yeah, that's great. A lot of this stuff might be things you can get at Subway.
He might just pick a fucking Subway.
Is this the Subway Club?
If he's going to drop sweet chicken teriyaki at this meet.
It is not the Subway Club, but it is a masterpiece.
So you guys can talk all the shit you want, but by the time I make my last pick, you guys
will be on the floor.
All right.
No, I'm excited.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, there's not a lot to say about Pepper Jack that people don't know already.
I like Pepper Jack.
I like Pepper Jack, too.
I do, too.
I don't know if it's a sandwich cheese so much.
I mean, it is a sandwich cheese.
I just definitely think it's a sandwich cheese.
I just got a steak and cheese with double Pepper Jack.
Yeah, it's good on that.
I mean, where do you go from Waffle?
Here's when I like Pepper Jack cheese.
When it's on like a tray, you know?
When there's like lots of, almost like a deck of cards that's been splayed out of like four different cheeses
yeah like Mel Gibson
got a hold of them
and just threw them all out
and I'll grab like
a couple pieces of that
pepper jack
I haven't seen a lot of those
I like it on Triscuits
oh yeah
with like a Triscuit
Triscuits
could have been my bread
some new ass flavors
they've been going crazy
I don't really like it
you don't like it?
I'm thrilled about it
I like the classic
it's only getting rid of the original
maybe I've missed
how crazy they're getting they
got like the air crisp thing the crisp well i'm talking about your og triscuits but there's like
tomato basil there's like olive oil there's cracked pepper there's garlic herb garlic herb
dude they're all those are good i don't like when they change the texture oh no no no no don't fuck
with that texture i want a trisket for the tris Yeah, that's what I want is a Triscuit. Shout out to Chicken-A-Biscuit, too.
Oh, man.
What a bunch of gangsters.
Never even tried anything different.
It's basically just a biscuit and Top Ramen seasoning.
I don't think they have commercials.
They don't.
They don't need them.
They're one of those ones like, you know who else does it anymore?
Fig Newton.
Or we're just not watching the right TV.
No, I think Fig Newton.
Well, are you watching?
You know what?
I think that's on its last legs.
And I, for one, that was
all marketing. I only ate it because of the marketing.
I never liked them. Yeah, a cookie is just
a cookie, but Newton's a fruit and cake.
But they're not really fruit and cake.
They're shitty cookies.
I liked them. Maybe they were overselling
with fruit and cake. Have you ever had
the other Newtons?
No, they have other Newtons. They had other Newtons.
There was like a strawberry Newton switch.
Oh, I have, absolutely. Those were way better
than the fig. I kind of fancied myself
like an intelligent odd
child, and I think the fig Newton played
into that. That's what it's for.
Ian, what kind of cookies are those?
I would like...
I would like...
I don't... because I didn't ever feel
superior to anyone, really, but I didn't ever feel superior to anyone really,
but I was really into being smart.
I use,
instead of weird,
I use the word queer.
I was like,
oh,
that's queer.
Did it go,
you did used to do that?
Did it go the other way?
Like,
did you play smear the weird?
Smear the peculiar.
Now look at who's got the football, the peculiar gentleman. I had no idea. Smear the peculiar Now look at who's got the football
The peculiar gentleman
Smear the perplexing
I had no idea that it meant gay
Or that it was like kind of a
How old were you when you actually used it
Stupid people call gay people queer
Until I was 10, 11, 12
12 is old to be in the queer game
Maybe not 12
Probably 10, 11
Before junior high school I bet And my older older brother shout out to bear blaylock
we're always like trying to shut it down like stop it i'm like what that's what it means
by the way you guys go on ian's instagram and look at him oh that was so good give everyone
the clockwise so it's bear on the left it's uh let me pull it up right now i gotta dude it is so left it is my older brother bear blaylock uh-huh up top is my sister uh jessica blaylock
fly there uh you're on the right pre coming out of the closet by the way gentlemen cool your jets
me on the right just looking good now how old would you have been? I have not. Eight. You look like you could support a family, right?
I know.
I look like that's my family.
That's so funny.
I'm the young father of this family.
I worked my way up. I started on the
assembly line at Chrysler.
Now I run the plant.
Now I'm telling people what to do on the daily, nephew.
Night school.
Night school. A was my key. Night school.
Night school.
A lot of night school.
A lot of night school for me.
That's a night school pick.
You know?
We had to climb the ladder all day.
Some of my friends were out there.
They were partying on Fridays.
I was at night school.
Not you.
Yeah, sure.
I wanted to be like them chasing tail.
I always thought that it was queer that they were out there partying.
It was queer.
It was quite queer.
It was quite queer.
And then seated is my little sister, Elisa Carmel, for whom this Sunday we are celebrating
her second master's degree time flies.
Fuck, that's dang.
You guys gonna go to Raging Waters?
I wish.
In San Dimas?
Winery.
Where would Napoleon go?
Raging Waters.
Which, by the way, is still there.
We should go.
We should go to Raging Waters.
Absolutely.
Pepper Jack.
Pepper Jack.
Pepper Jack.
I really like how he took the heat off it
with like a wild tangent.
I'm thrilled about that.
Yeah.
Not that it's not a dank pick.
I fully support everything on this list.
No, it was Buck.
Buck and dank.
It was Buck and dank.
Both.
Took it to the bank.
Yeah, 50-50.
Scales even.
Equal amount of silver on each side.
I don't want to criticize it.
You can.
I feel like you could have gotten Pepper Jack later.
Yeah.
I feel like Pepper Jack's going.
I feel like here's my assessment early yeah early assessment
you're not gonna be upset you took pepper jack but later on you're gonna be upset you took it
so early well i didn't know see i don't know where you guys are going that's what threw me off when
because i thought we were having bread and then you know that's how i thought you thought that
too yeah but then i like it well that's what i'm saying. I like it. That's good, though, because it's not like everybody's like, we're all drafting point
guards right now.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Exactly, yeah.
There's a great point guard in the first, but maybe I need a second.
Maybe take him.
You know what I'm saying?
Is LeBron coming to, is there any way that LeBron's coming to Los Angeles?
Oh, there's a big way.
Is there?
I think that's a possibility.
I think that's a huge possibility.
It's probably.
I want to say probably.
Holy buckets.
Also, did you guys see Allen Iverson just didn't show up to a big thing?
Yeah, he just didn't show up.
He no-call-no-showed.
Like, he was me at P.F. Chang.
Me at First Premier Bank when I was 19.
Me at every job besides comedy.
Me at the car wash.
I call-quitted GameStop once.
I just called.
I was like, I looked at, for some reason, it was going to take me two hours to get there.
And I was like, I'm not coming in again today.
My first real job ever was first, well, not my first real job.
My first like adult job was first premier bank.
I was with call center shit.
And I left on my lunch break and I never came back.
And I saw my boss like two months later in the mall.
And she's like, Sean, that's a long lunch break you're on.
It was.
And she started laughing.
I was like, ah, what do you do?
You know?
She's like, like 19. She didn't give a fuck give a fuck dude that sure she didn't want me there i wore white tennis
shoes to work every day it was like like tie shit and i'm wearing like oh tennis shoes they
didn't want to work for the call center that was my i was just always trying to find a way to wear
sneakers on the low yeah shout out to those uh those Air Flight 89s, the black ones.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I got away with it a lot.
Everybody wanted you to wear shoes for cruising and shit like that.
Yeah.
I would limp.
I'd say I hurt myself skating or something.
Yeah.
And they were like, okay.
I quit.
Here's how I quit Best Buy customer service.
I just, so I put in my two weeks, I think.
Yeah, I put in my two weeks.
But, you know, you still have to go back to work for two weeks.
So I had like eight shifts coming up.
I was hanging out at home.
And it must have been Manpei.
I think it was Nick Manpei who I had do it.
Call in and be like, we were playing pickup football and Ian broke his leg.
I think.
He's at the hospital right now.
We don't know for sure.
So he's not going to come in.
So I missed that day.
And then later on, I called and be like, yeah, it's broken.
So I'm not going to be able to finish out my two weeks.
You know, I tried.
I wanted to come in.
And then like a month later, I walked in and got my last check.
Like that's how long it takes.
Just like dancing.
Like that's how long it takes to fix a fucking 300 pound man's broken leg.
Rehab.
Rehab and CBD oil.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I've been going to every church, every religion, every religion's nicest church in the Portland
metro area.
Been drinking the best stuff.
Yeah.
Oh, that's so great.
Pepper Jack cheese.
Pepper Jack cheese.
That's time for my first pick let's hear it oh
i don't even by the way i don't even have a list i'm playing jazz right now i just want
everyone to know that i have no i have no list okay i usually do i don't know why you're on
red tube but that's neither here nor there you know why i'm on red i'm an x videos man myself
trying to get my numbers up.
What the fuck does that mean?
I'm watching my own video.
Watching my own video.
Just commenting on your shit from shadow accounts.
Wow, cool dick.
Big boy's got a mean stroke.
That would be a fun challenge.
Put your own name into RedTube and then beat off to something that comes up.
Oh, wow.
Whoa.
I don't know if that's... I don't know if I want to play that game. Call it loopering or something. We're not coming up up oh wow oh i don't know if i don't
know if i call it loopering we're not coming up i mean i don't know man i've been out here i was on
tour i'm in the silver game so i don't know so your first pick what are you like what's here's
my strategy okay i'm very curious because i think you guys went bread first cheese first great picks
there's a lot of bread and cheese there aren't a lot of great condiments okay which is why with my first pick i just have to take deli mustard okay oh that's fine yeah
i think in a bigger pool i'm excited i'm excited but you don't know my con i'm man you well you
fucking went waffles and then like because i had a strategy in my head on the way over
and that threw me off completely deli mustard on the waffles over here? You could fucking pick Elmer's glue, and I wouldn't be that surprised.
You're just making a centerpiece.
You're not making a sandwich.
You're going to glue the waffles together.
Trust me.
I'm making a sandwich.
I'm talking about like a dope, seedy, like mustard with seeds in it.
What's the brand?
Oh, gosh.
I mean, there's a beaver brand that makes that.
Gelbman's.
There's Ingelhoffer.
There's like
five in the goldens goldens i love that well you know what that's one of my original getting shit
for free off social media was hitting all the mustard companies and having them send it what'd
you say is that how you started and then you just worked your way up for mustard oh oh can i say by
the way yeah you know what i just found out about cuddy Sark? Whoa, what? Shout out to friend of the podcast, Sam Talent, who told me.
Oh, big time friend.
Fucking Cutty Sark, originally made to be cut.
It's the only scotch that was made to be mixed.
We're not even supposed to be straight shooting it, which makes a lot of sense.
That makes complete sense.
Yeah, every time I drink it and they want to kick me out of the roost because it looks
like I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah, yeah. Keith D drank some. want to kick me out of the roost because it looks like I'm going to vomit everywhere. Yeah, yeah.
Keith D drank some.
He put his dick through a painting.
What?
I mean, if you want to.
Keep the scissors in the studio with us.
You said Keith.
Yeah, he was drinking Cuddy Sark straight.
I didn't know you could mix it.
And put my dick through a painting.
That's exactly what David just said.
I also got laid from a real woman
though, that night.
And
the guy kept trying to give me the painting
afterwards, but
I don't want this painting.
You were at a bar or a party or what?
No, yeah, I was at a party at the Sylvan House. Shout out to the Sylvan House
in San Francisco.
And yeah,
I'm not going to take that painting.
I'm going to make someone else take that painting.
You take that painting.
So, as I said, Cutty Sark, meant to be cut.
While he's got my microphone, I need you guys to ask,
what was the painting of?
What was the painting of?
I don't even know.
There was a hole in it now.
I was blacked out at the time.
Because of that raw Cutty Sark.
Now, okay, forgive me if i sound crass uh you had a boner no i didn't have a boner i i put uh i think it
was just uh like half hard or something i put it through the painting was it a a very fresh
i think i thumbed it through the painting.
You thumbed it?
Like shoehorning it?
Yeah.
So you stuck your thumb through the painting and your dick got in the way.
I wish there was a video of it.
No, you don't.
Yeah, you're right.
I don't wish there was a video of that.
And the night, so you were at a party.
What time of the night did this happen?
Loose, roughly.
After about...
Afternoon.
It was like two.
Four glasses of Cutty Sark, so I'm going to say like 11 p.m.
Damn!
Dude, I think we've been that deep at the roost.
Yeah.
In Cutty Sark. And they give it to you. Have you been to the roost in Cutty Sark
and they give it to you
have you been to the roost?
no
David walks in and the lady goes
Cutty Sark PBR and David's like
yup
beer shot combo
I mean now I feel like maybe I don't need
to be drinking these whole Cutty Sark shots
what do you mix it with?
I don't
that's a draft I don't mean to be drinking these whole cutting start shots. What do you mix it with? I don't.
No, nothing.
Mix it with it.
Hey, that's a draft.
Jam.
Amazing.
Sobuck.
Sobuck.
I love it.
That's a goal I didn't know I had.
Putting my dick through a panther. It's like six miles away.
He told me and it just made sense to me.
I was just like, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deli mustard. Deli mustard. Deli mustard. It's like six miles away. He told me and it just made sense to me. I was just like, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Deli mustard.
Deli mustard?
With the little seeds in it.
Yeah, the grainy.
Is it spicy?
Do you want it spicy?
It's got a little bit
of spice to it.
It's got a little bit
of vinegar and spice to it.
I like a good deli mustard
that can get up
like in my nose.
I can feel it in the back of my mouth.
Yeah, that's what I want.
Yeah, like a kick.
Because with a sandwich
I am loosely planting
in my head,
you need a strong mustard
like that to cut
through the fat. Okay. You like that okay cut through the the
fat okay you know to cut through the fattiness his meat is gonna be crazy dude but i have two
meats that i'm happy with and only one cheese that i'd be happy with okay so i have to take it right
now okay i have to take swiss cheese okay damn it yes yes well played swiss cheese well played it goes with anything some people
don't like texture it's a texture yeah it's a light smell and it's mostly i like the texture
it's a great texture melt a melted swiss cheese it's sure yeah it's kind of a dull it's like a
flat flavor it's a flat it's a flat oaky flavor yes oaky oaky for sure yeah yeah it's a light
it's a light umami it It's an oaky flavor.
Okay.
Great texture.
Melts well.
Melts well.
The texture when it melts, it's got two different textures, melty and solid.
Can you tell me this?
Yeah.
And you don't have to if it's going to give everything away.
Are you melting your Swiss on your sandwich?
I might.
Yeah, I might.
All right.
You got to.
I might do.
It sounds like it.
You got to.
You got to.
It might melt.
Sandwich, you don't put that Swiss on the sandwich if it isn't melted.
There's a couple Swiss's that I won't melt.
Really?
There's one.
I'll tell you after.
You tell me at the end.
We'll put a pin in that.
But I'm very curious about that.
All right.
Deli mustard and Swiss cheese are my first two.
Man.
I love Swiss cheese.
He's starting from the middle going out.
Yeah.
I've been known to take Swiss cheese and just roll it up and dip it in deli mustard.
If there's nothing around.
Oh, yeah.
That'll definitely be some crazy shit before.
Oh, dipping.
Do you stop the room?
This isn't even necessarily a dip.
Dip low.
I'm dip.
Well, yeah, not even just dipping, although I would dip crazy shit.
Hot dogs in a ranch, crazy shit.
When I was a teenager.
I was dipping chips into baked beans the other day.
The other night at the house, just hammered, sitting in there in the kitchen, looking at
Zach's room like, I hope he can't hear me just crunching shit, trying to be all quiet.
Dipping chips into cold baked beans?
Yeah, we were out.
I forget where we all were, but-
We were out. Yeah, we were out. I forget where we all were, but... We were out.
Yeah.
We were out.
We could have been in, too.
I re-upped the liquor in the house.
We could have been in.
We did.
We had a couple of buck days.
One of them ended with me dipping into baked beans.
Anyway, I cut you.
You were going to say something about dipping.
A couple of crazy things I did.
One was I drank syrup, maple maple syrup out of a out of a
container uh-huh squeeze squeeze squeeze it into the mouth another one i preferred chunky peanut
butter we only had smooth so i made a peanut butter sandwich and then sprinkled broken up
nuts into it oh i like that that's not that's an idea right there it was still it still felt a
little depraved at the time also i ate straight butter out of the fridge once.
I was like four.
I can't be held responsible.
This dude.
She was touching her face.
This dude, Shanman, that we used to know, might have said this before, but he tried
to dip bologna into one of those big Ortega salsa containers with an inch of salsa in
the bottom.
It's like a foot high.
And the top is about as big as a fucking tennis ball.
Wide mouth.
So you know you're not getting
your hand in there so there's just like four cashed out bologna slices in the bottom like
he thought he was gonna get i don't know why we've stopped at developing salsa jar technology
by the way it's not good fucking you're right it's not good you're right especially good salsa
good salsa never comes in a great container no it's always the container the better the salsa
i think so, too.
If you get salsa that's just on a cheesecloth, like loose, best salsa you've ever had.
That's good.
You get a pico de gallo.
Maybe it's some big bear paws on me.
No, it happens to everybody.
The salsa starts, there's still, you know, sometimes even a quarter of the salsa you
paid for is in there, and you can't get it out, and they're like pouring it into a bowl,
and you do that, and it's still stuck up in the sides.
And also, what if you don't eat all that salsa in the bowl?
Nobody ever gets the last 10% of their salsa.
It's fucking bullshit.
And then I've tried this.
I've tried to dump it just on the chip.
Foolish.
Foolish idea.
And then it's all over the jeans or the white linen pants I'm wearing.
What are you, a heart surgeon?
You think you have gifted hands?
Not at that point in the night.
At that point in the night, the hands are pretty steady actually
now if i if i did that when i woke up from said night it'd be a little different story
shaking that actually might work better uh all right i like swiss cheese sean you pick a pepper
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So I'm going to pick now. All right. I i'm gonna pick my condiment i'll do that the gentleman is going to pick his car the gentleman is going to pick
his condiment and it's going to be chipotle mayo oh okay mayo i really feel like you're building
a subway i don't know you stop i don't know if that takes up all the mayo i don't think it does
right can someone still pick me yeah you're not all right no one's gonna the mayo i don't think it does right can someone still pick me yeah you
know all right no one's gonna pick me i don't think i don't think it does all right i think
it's very specific it's chipotle mayo it's chipotle mayo i'm making chipotle mayo not
building a subway sandwich i know it sounds that way it feels if your next pick is italian herbs
and cheese i'm moving not not a sub shit i blew it i blew it can i take i blew it can i take that i didn't mean to pick
that look at this that's my that's what i wanted to pick i honestly did blow it what does it say
this one i can't you don't have to allow it you don't have to allow it i don't know we've never
had one of these before i completely i completely got i feel like this is a chris weber situation
i was building no i had two sandwiches you is great. No, I had two sandwiches.
You thought you had a timeout, but you didn't.
I had two sandwiches that I wanted to make,
and I just accidentally looked at the...
Listen, I'll allow it.
You don't have to.
You don't have to.
I'm for it.
I'm for it.
I don't know.
Marissa, what do you think?
Oh, yeah.
Marissa's got a break of time.
Marissa, what do we do?
I think it's on you.
You don't have to.
I'll allow it because it's the first time't have to. This is the first time.
All right.
This is the first time it's ever happened.
That's fair.
Marissa, you got the call from the governor.
Yeah.
All right.
I've been pardoned.
I honestly did.
And if any of the listeners are upset, you can please only tweet at me because I'm the
one that fucked up.
I mean, I want to see these, too.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me?
David and I want to see it.
You can be mad.
If you don't at Sean, but if you want to talk about it yeah just tweet us at everybody i just we'll pass it along
i didn't mean to do that polo mayo stricken from the record still in play right yeah still in play
so the condiment is going to be gravy gravy that's what it's going to be i see that by the way marissa
just made a sound she goes whoa wait wait. Wait, wait. Are we talking country gravy?
Yeah, what kind of gravy?
Red-eye gravy?
We're just talking like brown.
Are you talking about like a nice gravy, like a marinara, like a sundae gravy?
Brown, straight brown gravy.
Brown gravy.
Just some brown ass.
God damn it.
Packet ass gravy?
Just some brown ass gravy.
Brown gravy Jordan.
Yeah.
Add it again.
Old, going back on his picks. Brown gravy Jordan.
Just a pack of McCormick's.
Brown gravy.
Pepper Jack and brown gravy.
It sounds like you are making a sandwich out of the food that's left in a beach house fridge.
No.
You guys can keep guessing though.
You know what it sounds like to me?
It sounds like a team of bumbling stick up kids.
I like that it sounds horrible right now.
It's a pepper jack and brown gravy.
It does.
I'll tell you what I wouldn't do is dip pepper jack in gravy.
That's something that I'd have to be pretty tore up to do.
It's crazy that you don't smoke weed.
Yeah, yeah.
This is crazy.
These combos you're coming up with.
Yeah, but it's a whole sandwich.
Okay, I understand.
I don't know if it's,
if Pepper Jack gravy
or the fact that you like ICP
is weirder with you not liking weed.
I will say,
till the day I die,
that it was one of the best shows I've ever seen
and that they are hilarious
and the beats are on point.
I'd just like to get you on record
as often as possible.
I've been on record like 30 times.
Most of these could go up in flames
and there's got to be one where I'm still on record.
Gravy is good.
Gravy on sandwiches.
It's usually a Thanksgiving sandwich,
which is not my cup of sandwich.
It's a mess.
It is a mess.
What are you doing?
Maybe your bread is like a Kentucky hot brown.
I will feel bad about going back on that pick for like a week so no you were i the
the earnest look of worry well i really tried to get that across that i did screw up and i didn't
realize until i saw this is the only thing written on this because i so what i do with these lists
i email them to myself and then if i think of something after the fact i write it down
yeah yeah yeah this is behind the draft so that's yeah. Yeah, this is like a little inside the mind of the man.
So that's why I always have the notepad, because this is off-the-cuff stuff.
Yeah.
So anyway, that wasn't off-the-cuff, but it was a part of the second sandwich that I was
crafting on the drive on the way over here.
So you wrote some sheet music, and then you came over here and played jazz.
Yeah, yeah.
I like that.
Yeah, yeah.
I like it a lot.
David.
Second pick.
What's that silent laugh for?
Oh, boy.
He had his head back.
David was doing a weird maniacal.
Second pick, I'm taking a meat.
Okay.
Going a little chicky fried steak.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Chicken fried steak on top of the waffle.
Waffle chicken fried steak.
Here's where we bend it like Beckham, though.
Double breaded. Are we going straight into your third pick? We're going straight into the third pick. Oh, I like that. Okay. Here's where we bend it like Beckham, though. Double breaded. Wait, hold on. Are we going straight
into your third pick? We're going straight into the third pick.
Oh, I like that. Here's where we bend it like Beckham.
Gotta pick a cheese, right? What kind of cheese
is gonna go with this? It can't be too
flavor. It can't be too crazy.
A nice ricotta cheese.
What the fuck?
That's ridiculous.
I've been all around the world.
I've been all around the world. I've been all around the world.
You've been to Belgium.
I'm going to put the American South.
A nice ricotta cheese.
And now Italy.
Yeah, a good ricotta.
A ricotta is a thin schmear ricotta.
A schmear.
Yeah, a schmear ricotta.
A schmear ricotta.
It's a soft cheese.
A schmear ricotta.
It's a mellow cheese.
It's a mellow cheese.
It's not.
It's a sweet cheese. It is a sweet cheese. It's a sweet cheese ricotta. It is a sweet cheese. It's a sweet mellow cheese it's a mellow cheese it's not it's a sweet it's a sweet cheese it is a
sweet cheese it's a sweet cheese ricotta it is a sweet cheese it's a sweet mellow very mellow
sweet but it is a sweet ricotta something that you picture with that waffle with that waffle
and then you hit the ricotta and then you get that chicky fried steak get out of here come on
where am i at you're're in La La Land, my friend.
Living her life. Apparently, and this is a tangent that will make sense once I've talked all the way through it.
Apparently, when we did a candy draft ages and ages and ages ago, I talked shit about grape nuts.
And several listeners have brought up to me how I talked shit about grape nuts.
Now, I haven't gone back and listened to that podcast. Well, it's a bad part of your life's over it's way in the past it was me
eden dranger and that guy who played ducky in uh yeah 16 candles yeah oh i thought you
meant ducky in the land before time no no no what remember ducky yeah yeah yeah no i remember yeah
i can calm down and then in the serial draft afp aficionados will remember i took
grape nuts first you did wait for like a like a like a hungover psychopath hungover not just
alcohol back in my wife you know fresh off a breakup i whiling out in unprecedented way it
was weird it was weird the summer ended a lot started a lot different than it's yes well you
finish i gotta tell you something but you but you finished this train of thought.
So people were like, you said you hated Grape Nuts, and then you picked them first in a
serial draft.
I've always liked Grape Nuts.
I don't know which me it was on that serial draft, if I was having a weird week, or if
I was thrown off by being in front of a movie star from the 80s, or what the fuck happened.
But I love Grape Nuts. You are an ardent no sweets with your meats man. Yeah. thrown off by being in front of a movie star from the 80s or what the fuck happened but i love
grape nuts you are an ardent no sweets with your meats man yeah but you're building a sandwich
waffles ricotta cheese very chicken brides day listen listen a wise man once told me life's
about progression it is right do you you know you don't grow you don't show it may be too early to
even bring this up but do you you foresee more sweets with meats,
or is this sort of a one-off?
Here's the thing.
Yeah.
In constructing this, because this isn't... I'll tell you later what my first idea...
Okay.
My first idea was mani.
It was crazy.
I can't wait.
But I was just thinking, I was like, I'm doing new things.
This road trip, I also ate a bunch of salads.
You know, I'm doing new shit.
My poops are different now.
I'm moving different.
My body's different.
Yeah.
You got to pay attention to what your body wants.
Yeah.
And so sometimes I feel like I came down hard.
You know, you know what I think really started the sweets with meats.
Me not wanting it.
Yeah.
Orange chicken in high school.
I used to get so fucking sick of everybody talking
about that goddamn panda express orange chicken and i was like you know what i'm not for it i'm
not for it it was almost more of a philosophical thing it was yeah it was like your punk rock was
not liking sweets and meats yeah i think i really think it was and i think that phase of my life
might be over and i'm open to trying new things and I'm a textures guy anyway.
You look at the sandwich, it's texture city.
I hope you didn't feel interrogated.
I was just curious.
No, I like it. I welcome on.
Like I said, we're always constant change.
Yeah, you gotta evolve.
What were you gonna say?
I saw Dulce the other night, last night
and she's like, I was listening to the podcast
and I sound fucking mean
and she goes she goes i listened to lady to lady is another podcast and she's like i was just so
sweet nice and on on on yours i just sounded so mean and rude and i'm like you were you you know
it was like a wrestling match because there was a crowd yeah she decided to be a heel that's good
though i think that's shut up by the way we hung out with Malloy the other night.
Shout out to Mike Malloyer.
Yeah, Dulce is fantastic.
Yeah, Dulce is awesome.
And she's not mean at all.
She's such a fucking princess.
And we went out, had a great night.
Zach Harper was there.
Shout out to Talk Hoops.
Uh-huh.
And we went back to the crib.
And Mike was the only wrestling fan there.
Oh, God, yeah.
And within 10 minutes, he had wrestled the Xbox controller away.
And we were watching wrestling highlights for like 45 minutes yeah we're not talking a text from mike malloy
then yes yeah that i got that night yes i mean that was the night we caught this works out so
oh we went to york we had a great time also mike when you hear this i'll respond to that last text
you gave me yeah uh that night that we were facetiming, I got should I try convincing Sean and Ian to watch Pete Dunn versus Tyler Bate?
That's what we want!
At 12.38am and then at 1.51am
yup, it works.
That's amazing.
Like, you know, someone will be like,
hey, let's watch a video for three minutes.
But Malloy puts it on and it's like 28 minutes
and we're like, alright.
Was it that British match?
That was pretty good.
It was really good.
It was great.
Those British guys are crazy.
But anyways, like I said, I'm expanding my horizons.
Ricotta cheese.
Ricotta cheese.
One of the key components of a good lasagna.
Yeah.
Sean Jordan?
A good lasagna.
A good lasagna.
I've been called a good lasagna.
I'm going to go with the ricotta.
So now I'm going to go bread.
Uh-huh.
And I'm going to pick a one King's Hawaiian sweet roll.
Oh, okay.
That's what I'm picking.
You're making sliders.
A King's Hawaiian sweet roll.
That's not the name.
I have a name that you're never going to guess, but I mean, I have a name for it.
King's Hawaiian sweet rolls?
No, I mean like the whole sandwich.
Pepper jack cheese.
Yeah, the whole sandwich.
Brown gravy.
King's Hawaiian sweet roll.
Yeah.
You know, we don't have to just pick sandwiches
we can afford.
We can pick any sandwich in the world.
What kind of pepper jack are we talking about? I don't know, man.
Is there a top tier?
Yeah, Sargento. Like $4.50
a fucking thing. Maybe it is.
That's not the top tier, is it?
It's Mr. Craft. That's just the name brand.
You know, I used to work
at the Cheese Island in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
I used to run that B.I.H.
And the best Pepper Jack we had was like five bucks a pound.
Really?
Like, I don't know how dank Pepper Jack gets.
Yeah, I think it has a low ceiling.
I'm sure it gets, maybe there's like super dank Pepper Jack, but it wasn't.
It's a low ceiling high floor cheese. Does anyone ever made the joke of saying Sargento's Lonely Pepper Jack Hearts Club Band?
Was that too far?
It was hard.
I like where you went with it.
It was like, I'm trying, I'm in a new space, so I'm trying to like.
Sargento's Lonely Pepper Jack's Club Cheese.
We hope you will enjoy the taste.
Uh-huh. You know you're such a lovely sandu
which we'd like to take you home with us we'd like to take you home it was 20 years ago today
hey sean jordan was in the cheese aisle hey and then further lyrics it was 20 years ago today
yeah all the no i don't want to say it.
All the meat department dudes, though.
So I was in the cheese island.
All the deli dudes?
No, the meat department.
So the deli, we had like a New York style deli, which is what they called the deli.
Which is not a New York style deli.
It was like fried chicken and stuff.
That doesn't mean they shouted at you.
Yeah, I'm walking here.
The cheese island was where I worked and it was just me and then like a bunch of old ladies.
And then all the meat department dudes were like, they were in my eye line and they were
like over there sawing bone and like ripped shit hanging and just blood all over them.
And I would go get stuff from the meat department and they just hated my guts.
Yeah.
They would always call me a coward because I worked at the cheese island.
He was over there with the cheese maidens.
I wasn't working at the-
Oh, they didn't like cheese?
No.
I'm saying, you know?
Dickheads. It was back when I wish, there were points of my life when i wish i would have had a lot more confidence and that was one of them when i would have just been
like what like looking at me like what are you looking at flip them off you know come on over
here meat department dudes bring your bone saw i got a meat slicer put a hole in you like this
delicious like this delicious swiss cheese we're offering this board said for 4.99 a pound limited
limited time but for you
you can get it anytime brother you can get any time i'm over here king's wine sweet roll yeah
king's wine sweet roll it's a delicious they are always soft now they do not get hard yeah
you're gonna get a block of these you could shove one of those through a painting at any time
thumb it through.
They're little. But I'm not gonna assume you're just making one little one. No.
Three, four of them. Yeah, we're gonna have a fleet.
I thought it was like a slider situation.
I mean, you know, you picture what you want to picture, dog.
Damn.
You gotta get... Then I'm gonna piss on it for my
last two inches. You gotta get a fresh
You gotta get a fresh King's sweet Hawaiian.
Ian's freaking out.
Nope, man.
Ian's chewing on his fingers.
You got to get a fresh King's Hawaiian sweet roll so it'll soak up that gravy, right?
Or do you leave it out a little bit?
It is very porous.
We don't know yet.
It's very porous.
Yeah, we don't know yet.
It was interesting.
All right.
Ian's looking at me. I don't know yet. It's very porous. It was interesting. Ian's looking at me
with like a smirk
and he's interested.
I'm curious where Ian's going right now.
Because David's is straight up wild.
Mine feels a little bit down the middle, but it's high quality.
I don't know where yours is going.
I don't know what's going to tie the room together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the big question.
I don't know what's going to like.
Yours is wild. Yours is like if we were developing tie the room together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the big question. I don't know what's going to work.
Yours is wild.
Yours is like if we were developing an AFE robot.
It's like- You know what I mean?
To like sit in when one of us was on the road, but we hadn't perfected the programming yet.
Like when those Facebook robots developed their own communication.
Right, yeah, yeah.
And we're like, oh shit, it spit out pepper jack gravy and King's Hawaiian sweet roll.
That can't be right.
I can't write a book about this.
I need three better subjects. Shut it down down shut it down there was this old show called made mary and
i don't know where it was but it was they would put three things into a robot and a book would
come out of the use those three things like ingredients oh wow like a boot uh like a piece
of gold and then like you know a bible or something like that. What was the show? What was Made Marrying?
I don't understand what you're saying. There was this lady trapped
in a dungeon and this witch would always come down and be like
if you make me the right book with these things, I'll
let you out. So she'd give her three things. She'd throw them in the
book robot and then they would
make a book and then, no? Nothing?
No. She was in a dungeon and there was
a robot and a witch?
Yeah.
I don't know. I don't't know it could have been a podcast
dream you had no fever dream i had when i was sick no it was a show i'll try to find i'll try
to find it now i'm interested as well made marion yeah was it a like a like a was it like a like a
janky was it like a like a pbs show or was it like a PBS show? Or was it like a Saturday morning? Made Marian and Her Merry Men?
No, I doubt it.
That's Robin Hood, right?
Am I crazy?
That's what I thought you were talking about the whole time.
No.
I don't know.
I'm either way.
We're not going to get to the bottom of this.
It might be a deep dig.
I'm excited to see your meat.
King's Wine Sweet Roll.
Yeah.
King's Wine Sweet Roll.
And that's you.
Time for me to take a pick.
And then your fourth pick.
And then my fourth pick.
As it is serpentine.
It sure is.
With my fourth pick, I am going to take a pick and then your fourth pick and then my fourth pick as it is serpentine it sure is with my fourth pick
I am going to take
pastrami
ooh
I knew it
fucking thick
I knew it
fatty
how thick is it
fucking
I like a thick pastrami
so go over what you picked so far
are we doing chopped
or are we doing like a big piece
chopped
kind of like
yeah
yeah yeah yeah
what have you picked so far
give it to me
deli mustard and swiss cheese
uh huh
and I'm taking pastrami.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
That's a great sandwich.
It's a fucking good sandwich.
How thick is the pastrami?
I like the thick kind of chunks, almost pastrami that's almost corn beefy.
Yeah.
I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah.
Some people really like a very thin cut pastrami.
I like it a little thicker.
Is there a sandwich that just has one?
Some of the chunks are just fat.
Yeah, yeah.
Some of the chunks are just fat.
And there's like really good pepper crusted.
Yeah.
Yeah.
People used to come in and have us cut like half inch thick pastrami.
Yeah.
And I would feel like they would just put like two strips of pastrami, like bacon kind
of on the sandwich.
And that seems like how I'd want to do it.
You want little thin strips of pastrami?
No, I want big thick ones.
Oh, big thick ones.
Yeah, yeah. Half inch ones. Just fucking. Big fucking ones. Oh, big thick ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Half-inch ones.
Big fucking thick, but like premium.
Yeah, fatty.
Some of it melts in your mouth.
It's so good.
I love pastrami.
I can't turn my back on it.
I'm with it.
Well, why would you?
The sandwich isn't kosher because of the meat and cheese combination, but it is still very Jewish.
It's good that you still like pastrami even after what happened.
Yeah.
The pastrami incident? Yeah, yeah. Therami incident yeah yeah the sequel there's nothing nothing
it's just a fun thing to say what yeah zach did that one time he got up like the italian job we're
talking about mustard and zach's like i can't eat mustard not after what happened and it's just a
fun thing to walk out of the room and leave people wondering like what happened though
somebody just poured mustard on him while he was sleeping.
He was making a sandwich and he did the squeeze and just water came out.
You know when bad mustard does that?
That shit sucks.
That's a fucking heartbreaker.
That is a rough.
So with a good deli mustard, you have to get in there and stir it around a little bit right before you pour it on.
A good deli?
Yeah.
Not if you have the kind of forearms I've been developing at the gym every day.
Every day.
Every day.
You know there's no limit to the amount of times you can go to a gym in one day? I've been developing at the gym every day. Every day. Every day.
You know there's no limit to the amount of times you can go to a gym in one day?
You can go as many times as you want. I'm going after this.
It'll be my 24th day in a row at 24 Hour Fitness.
Playboy.
Yuck.
Man.
24 squared.
So anyway, with these fucking forearms, you just sort of shake it.
You know?
So you don't have to get in there.
You don't have to mix it.
You don't have to fuck with it.
Man, I wonder what my forearms would do.
The mustard would come out laughing at me.
It'd just get on my sandwich and dance.
Buckle under.
Yeah.
All the mustard would just disappear and it'd be loose.
Your forearm bones would shatter.
I'd just shake in my bingo wings all over the place.
Come on, mustard.
Your bingo wing would clap SOS on your side and a Navy helicopter would land.
Your bingo wing would clap SOS on your side and a Navy helicopter would land. Your bingo wing would clap SOS.
I'm just picturing a bingo wing clapping SOS.
Bingo.
Okay, wait.
So pastrami.
Yeah.
Pastrami.
Deli mustard, Swiss cheese.
I mean, I got a loose idea where we're going, right?
Jewish rye.
Jewish rye. Jewish rye.
A good Jewish rye bread.
But you're not Jewish.
Oh, that's where you're wrong, my friend.
That's where you're wrong, my friend.
That's where you're wrong, my friend.
I am indeed Jewish.
And as a Jew, it is my want to like a nice Jewish rye.
Like a dark rye or like a light rye?
A Jewish rye bread is more of a light rye.
Is it like marble rye?
Similar?
No, it's...
Is it straight brown?
It's kind of...
Sort of like my gravy.
I'm going to show you.
It's a little lighter.
I'm going to Google it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to Google it right now.
It's not...
I thought you were just kidding.
It's actually called Jewish rye?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jewish rye bread.
Wait a minute.
Let's see here.
Everybody who's listening google
well you know what i won't do it i'd like it described to me it's fun the visual is fun
it's i i don't even really know exactly how to describe it other than okay i see it i see it
some some rye breads are darker like a it looks like a mid-level it looks like kind of a thicker
crust like a mid-level you guys have both picked your so like a pumpernickel is almost a rye bread but that's really dark yeah okay i got a jewish rye bread is like kind of a lighter crust. Like a mid-level enforcer? You guys have both picked your, so like a pumpernickel is almost a rye bread,
but that's a really dark.
Yeah, okay.
I gotcha.
And a Jewish rye bread
is like kind of a lighter rye bread.
Okay.
I gotcha.
Yeah, I'm with it.
Yeah.
All right.
And that's what I want.
All right.
A little tang to it,
but not sourdough.
It's still got some earthiness to it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Something, it's solid.
It's important for as much meat
as I'm going to want on the sandwich,
which is a lot,
a lot of meat.
You know,
what would be fun is when we get the address for head gum and just have
everybody send in these sandwiches to us,
have them like Postmates,
a homemade versions of these sandwiches.
You're assuming people,
everyone lives in LA.
Cause there's some of these are going to come with somebody from New
Zealand hit me up today.
So we're going to get like,
well,
you can always hit. Can't, I don't know how Postmates, can Zealand hit me up today so we're going to get like well you can always hit can't I don't know how
Postmates can you hit someone up on Postmates
have them make something for you and
no it's not a sandwich making app
can you do that anywhere like maybe
if somebody got Postmates they lived in New Zealand
and they downloaded Postmates and they told
Cantors to make the sandwich
for us and sent it to us
I guess conceivably they could do that
yeah yeah so yeah fuck yeah okay yeah I mean send us the sandwich I was thinking about I didn't mean like mail it and sent it to us. I guess conceivably they could do that. Yeah? Yeah.
So yeah, fuck yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I mean, send us the sandwich. I was thinking about,
I didn't mean like mail it from their crib.
I just meant like find a way to get it made here
and then, you know, get it over here.
Man, that would be crazy.
It would be so tight.
That would be so tight.
I'm very with it.
Yeah, so a Jewish rye bread and a pastrami.
Okay.
Where are you at?
Where are you at? This you at this is this is
i'm on this is my fourth pick yeah ready i need to know it's your fourth pick bread cheese yeah
okay hawaiian sweet roll we got gravy pepper jack gravy king's hawaiian sweet so now i'm gonna pick
the meat i'm gonna pick chislik you fuck i mean it was gonna happen it was gonna happen
of course i have to pick that i get a chance to pick meat on a sandwich
I knew you weren't gonna pick it
I get that but it's part of my sandwich
it's part of what I want on my sandwich
yeah I got your finger up say something what do you want to say
isn't chicken fried steak chiseled
no chicken fried steak is chicken
it's battered
chiseled isn't battered
chiseled is steak chicken fried steak
is steak
you thought it's chicken?
Yeah, I thought it was chicken.
God damn it, Sean Jordan.
God damn it.
God damn it.
Is there chicken fried chicken?
Fried chicken.
Chicken fried chicken.
Fried chicken is chicken fried.
Chicken fried steak is beef.
It's beef.
You guys should thank me for all these t-shirts we can crank out.
So I can't pick Chiswick? Chicken fried steak with fried chicken i didn't i don't know that i thought it was chicken but i don't think that i knew it was steak so what did you think it was you didn't
know you thought it was its own thing from an animal i don't know fried? I don't know.
I have to be honest and tell you that I also thought that
until I was like 13, 14.
I did though.
I really thought it was like it's chicken.
And they just made like a patty
that they beat out.
I just didn't know it was steak.
I don't know what I thought it was.
Chicken fried steak.
Have you had it?
Yeah, I've had it.
I've had tons of it.
The naan is steak and the chicken fried is the modifier.
I just don't understand what...
This is the best.
I don't care.
This is crazy.
That's great.
That's great.
I'm into it.
I mean...
What is country fried steak?
Same thing.
Keith is asking what is country fried steak
that's also chicken fried steak
yeah same thing
well then now
since I already fucked up once
I'm not gonna let myself pick
hold on
chiseled
oh I'm looking
no why would you not
I don't think chiseled
doesn't look
but it's not the same
it's not the same
I mean it's deep fried
and it's
but it's not
it's not battered
battered is a huge difference
battered is like
a big part of chicken fried steak.
Chislik.
I mean, it's part of the same.
If someone can send us chislik to the HeadGum podcast.
We can all make chislik.
It's very easy to do.
Sean got a chislik t-shirt.
Yeah, I did get a chislik t-shirt.
It's just the license plate is South Dakota.
It says chislik in the middle of it.
All right.
I went to the Chislik Wikipedia page
And it's just like a bunch of Chislik
A salt and some saltine crackers
On a plate
On a plate, white plate
Yeah, you nailed it
At some bowling alley
But it's part of the sandwich
Alright, I have a Jack Gravy, King's Wine Sweet Roll
And Chislik
People are wiling out that you took Chislic.
I think people.
They love it.
I think people.
I think that you and I are in a similar boat this week where, like, people aren't going to know what to make of it.
Give it a shot.
Well, when I'm done with it, give it a shot.
And when you're done with it, give it a shot.
Yeah, me too.
Now I feel bad for.
Your heart.
I thought I was going to have to course correct so that people would take some of my elements for my sandwich
I didn't think I was going to just straight up get
a sandwich that you could put in any Jewish salad
It's funny
Well when we're done I'll go through
I'll go through what
I'll say some stuff
that I made fun of four more
Chislik dog
You knew that was going to happen.
No, I didn't.
No, I didn't at all.
Well, after you heard David pick steak, you're like, obviously, steak's off the record.
But you didn't know that I thought chicken fried steak was chicken.
You're making kind of like a Midwest-
Like a leftover.
Chili cheese steak almost.
Like mom's not home.
You guys are dangerously close.
Okay.
You're dangerously close, both of you.
Okay.
It's like a Skrilladelphia cheese.
A little South Dakota hot brown
I see it
Alright
David Boy
It's time for your
Fourth and then
Final pick
So fourth pick
I need a condiment
Yep
So we've got
The waffle
Waffle
Chicken fried steak
Ricotta
Chicken fried steak
Ricotta
I'm going as a condiment
And just light
Not a lot
You don't want to go crazy
With this
Apple butter Oh That's another Very sweet thing I'm going as a condiment and just light not a lot you don't want to go crazy with this apple butter
oh
that's another
very sweet thing
it is so sweet
but just like a thin
just a whisper
apple butter
just a
just a white
just put an apple
near it for a second
then take the apple away
just kiss it
then just
just kiss it
say a poem
in between the apple
and the sandwich
yeah
listen to some Coldplay
and watch a Gwyneth Paltrow movie at the apple and the sandwich. Yeah, yeah. Listen to some Coldplay. Whatever brings over.
And watch a Gwyneth Paltrow movie.
At the apple. Knowing that they named their kid Apple.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
And that's it.
Let's have your sandwich in the room.
Maybe there's a Macintosh in the other room.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just the essence.
Use an iPod.
Just that small amount of apple butter.
Just ever so gently.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look at the sandwich while this is happening.
And then whatever essence of the apple goes to the sandwich.
Call Sean's friend Smith's grandma.
Put her on the phone with your sandwich.
Granny Smith.
Granny Smith.
Can you just say, just whisper the word butter to my waffle.
Just whisper butter to my waffle.
And since it's on an iPhone, it's going to help.
Watch the Straight Outta Compton movie.
Pause it on that scene
where Dre is leaving Death Row Records.
Right there.
And Suge Knight is in that all red room.
Sure.
Suge Knight is a red delicious.
Uh-huh.
His name's Suge
and he's a blood.
Red delicious.
That,
that's how much apple butter.
That's just,
yeah.
Just a little bit. just that just it just
just a little bit just it not too much just a little bit just a light because it's already
sweet it's a very sweet sandwich which is also why my fifth pick yes we got it we got to bring
it back you have bread meat cheese and cond, so it's time for your wild card.
My wild card can be anything, right?
I think it can be anything.
It could be other bread.
I'm going another meat.
Whoa.
I'm going mid-level.
Not too thin.
Not too thin. Yep.
Middle of the road slice, corned beef.
Fuck.
That was going to be my wild card.
I didn't even think.
I got knocked off my game.
I liked it.
I did.
I didn't even think to choose two meats for wild cards.
Because it was getting too sweet, so you needed to bring it back.
Oh, corned beef will bring it right back down to earth.
You needed to bring it back to earth.
Right back down to that, yeah.
So what I'm saying, the texture is going to be on point because you got the fairly soft waffle, but then the crunchy chicken fried steak.
And then you've got like the savory corned beef.
Yeah.
And then the ricotta soft in there.
It's not going to be too soft.
You're going to be able to hold it.
You're going to be able to eat it.
And then you got that little wisp of apple butter.
So it keeps the sweet theme.
I think I'm crazy for this one.
You are crazy.
That's a crazy sandwich. That's a crazy sandwich.
That's a crazy sandwich.
Now, if I just walked in the room, how much apple butter is going on there?
Just, listen, here's what I'm saying.
Just the.
You get a Jolly Rancher, right?
Just the, yeah.
You suck it.
You suck it.
You suck it.
I'm in.
I'm in.
You spit it out.
Okay.
You spit out the Jolly Rancher.
Okay.
You dry out your mouth.
Then you go, you kiss a woman.
Okay.
And then she takes your Jolly Rancher breath. Okay. And out your mouth. Then you go, you kiss a woman. Okay. And then she takes your Jolly Rancher breath and whispers it.
Over to the sandwich.
Onto the sandwich.
That's what, we're talking a whisper of a whisper.
So not a lot.
A trace of a trace.
Yeah.
Absolutely not a lot.
A trace of a trace.
Okay.
All right.
I like that.
Just enough, just one.
How much corned beef?
Shit low, bro.
I'm saying one medium slice. Not enough. It's more of a, corned beef? Shit low, bro. I'm saying one medium slice.
Not enough.
It's more of a...
Corned beef is kind of a chunky meat.
It can be sometimes.
It can be.
I don't want the chopped.
I just want a fairly thin...
I don't want deli slice thin, but I don't want a hunk.
I'm just saying...
This is a crazy sandwich, David.
But I think it's...
I think...
I bet it would be good.
We always have to make this.
If you really open your mind to the possibility,
I think it's a pretty incredible sandwich.
I think it sounds like it'd be fucking awesome.
The corned beef is the true wild card,
because it's a wild card.
It's a wild card.
It was making sense to me.
Not that it doesn't make sense now,
because it still sounds like...
I think it would probably be delicious.
Yeah.
But in my head, I could hold it in my head.
It made sense.
Until the corned beef came.
Until now, I'm like, what?
Do you care what layers?
Do you care what order everything goes in?
So the way I think about it, like ground up, I think you're going to go waffle, ricotta
cheese, chicken fried steak, corned beef, the apple butter on the top waffle.
Mush it all together.
Do it like that.
Man, that sounds gnarly.
I think it would be so good, though.
Yeah.
I really have been running the flavors over in my head,
and I think if you get the proportions right,
I think it would be some crazy shit.
I agree.
Some crazy shit.
That's $16, DTLA.
I could see that on a menu.
Yeah,
I might honestly
go through the world.
Start a food cart.
I might have to just,
I might have to make it.
Do you have a name
for the sandwich yet?
You don't have to.
We can circle back around.
I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.
We'll circle back around.
Yeah,
I gotta think on it.
I gotta think on it
to be honest with you.
Corned beef.
Sean Jordan,
it is time for your final pick.
Final pick.
So you have your cheese, you have your condiment, you have your bread, you have your meat. Time for your final pick final pick so you have your cheese
you have your condiment
you have your bread
you have your meat
time for your wild card
it's gonna be mashed potatoes
yeah
they all go on it
together
great
it's called the South Dakota wedding burger
great
oh
you've talked about this before
that's what you get
at weddings
when you're there
you get
like you just
there's always Hawaiian sweet rolls
and then there's like fucking chiseled and there's always Hawaiian sweet rolls, and then there's, like, fucking chiseling,
and there's always, like Ian was saying,
a tray of cheese, so you get creative.
You're a little tore up.
There's always mashed potatoes and gravy,
and if you're nuts, you throw some corn on there.
But I'm pretty sure I made it up,
or once, somebody in the crew,
but South Dakota Wedding Burger,
and delish.
Damn.
Absolutely delish.
I fuck with that.
So not a ton of gravy.
Like, it's not smothered.
It's not like an open paste.
It's just like a dab will do you on the gravy situation.
Okay, that makes sense.
You make a little pool, put the dab and then the cheese, and then you're all good.
How much mashed potatoes?
I use a healthy amount of mashed potatoes.
I think more mashed potatoes than anything for me.
Are these buttery mashed potatoes?
Loaded mashed potatoes?
No, they're just, I mean...
Yeah, just standard issue. GI,
you know. Boxer hole.
Well, Hy-Vee normally caters them in,
so, you know. I don't know what that means.
I just like pre-made mashed potatoes,
but they're not like made. I mean, because I like box.
I still all have a box of mashed potatoes.
Potato flakes. Yeah, I love it.
I love it. Mashed potato to me.
It's a little fillery.
It's a little fillery?
And that's worth the point, though, right?
It's a filler.
Yeah, you fill it out the sandy.
You don't like, you think it's a pedestrian pick?
Mashed potatoes?
Yeah.
No, I know where you're coming from.
I don't think it's a pedestrian pick.
I don't know.
It's so. Maybe it's good. I bet I would where you're coming from. I don't think it's a pedestrian pick. I don't know. It's so...
Maybe it's good.
Maybe...
I bet I would love it if I tried it.
I would...
We would all love all these sandwiches if we tried them.
So, okay.
You get the bottom of your roll.
You put a scoop of mashed potatoes on there.
Yeah.
You pull it out.
You put the gravy in.
A little pull.
You put the pepper jack on.
And then you put like three pieces of chiswick on.
Okay.
Then you get your top piece.
Mash it.
Kind of close the sides a little bit
so the gravy doesn't come pouring out the back when you bite it.
And then it's like a three-biter.
We got to make these.
So you get like a piece of chiseled for each bite.
We have to make these sandwiches.
It's my only...
I think that's fine.
I think that's fine.
We got to make these sandwiches.
We do have to make these sandwiches.
We have to have a taste of them.
I've never thought about that
because I've done that pretty much every function i've been yeah i would fucking graduate
i would eat it right there with you open houses weddings i'm with it i'm with it fucking you get
a funeral sometimes where that shit's happening yeah i've that's been a constant in my life because
i like a mashed potato because i can mix it with gravy uh-huh and it's basically a gravy delivery
mechanism yeah but you have that already in the King's Hawaiian Sweet Roll.
You do.
I'm just saying where I'm from an outsider looking in,
if I had a concern, and I don't even have one,
because I think it sounds great.
The mashed potatoes serve as sort of a wall to keep the gravy in,
whereas the bread wouldn't necessarily do that.
We'd soak it up, but it would...
But then you're dripping.
It'd have to be a dipping situation.
Then you're dripping off the bread, Scotty Drippin'. this way you don't yeah dripping ain't easy you know but it's necessary i get it big
dripping i get it i see where i see i see the move and i like it drip see all right man yeah Ian
Ian was just cutting himself for a second
alright
he had a lighter up to his arm like Mr. Joshua
in the first Lethal Weapon
I love it though, it's not the Golden Wedding Burger
great name
I've been wanting to get that on a podcast
ever since I started knowing what a podcast was
so I'm excited
and now we have the fifth and final pick
Deli Mustard uh huh another scoop of Deli Mustard So I'm excited. Yuck. And now we have the fifth and final pick.
Deli mustard.
Another scoop of deli mustard.
Yellow mustard.
Fuck with me.
Two handfuls of deli mustard and someone's feeding you the rest of it.
Deli mustard, Swiss cheese, pastrami, Jewish rye bread.
God forgive me for being boring.
You're not being boring.
A mayonnaise.
Yeah.
That's fantastic.
I don't understand why they don't fuck with pastrami and mayonnaise on the regs. It's fucking good together.
They never do.
They don't.
They act like it should just be the mustard because there's fat in the pastrami.
I love, love mayo. Give me the extra. I eat sandwiches so seldom these days you know because i'm watching my figure
i've been at the gym every day every day i mean when do you have time to eat sandwiches between
rarely emmy nominated work and then go to the gym you tell me every day you're pumping iron
you're winning awards i'll open my ledger to you and if you can find me a sandwich block god bless
you but i haven't been able to find it and i'm nominated for an emmy i on the other side other hand all sandwich blocks yeah
pretty much i pretty much just eat sandwiches thinking about how i'm not going to the gym
or getting nominated for an emmy i'm just eating sandwiches you know what i eat push-ups
planks i eat reps and I shit sets. Tell that about that dude that was on the bench.
Man, so this is like the guy you filmed the other day?
No.
No, that dude was huge though, wasn't he?
That guy looked like his body was normal and then it got up to his ribs.
And then his Goldbergs and shit.
And you're like, that dude is gigantic. He was mad. He looked like Aquaman, dude. He looked ribs. Yeah. And then his Goldbergs and shit. And you're like, that dude is gigantic.
He was mad.
He was like, he looked like Aquaman, dude.
He's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was nuts.
No.
So this is just like Jim complaining, which I don't know how interesting this is going
to be.
I think it's funny.
I was there.
No Jims have enough bench press benches.
And it was my day to do bench pressing, as is today.
Were you in chest and tries?
Chest and tries.
Yeah, exactly.
Back and buys exactly back and buys
back and buys yesterday yeah they do that in ballers a lot and it is in the building
i gotta catch up dude do you ever seen any of the new season okay isn't all right what well no
really quick okay tangent to the tangent we're talking you should catch up and we're talking
about doing the three of us a ballers
recap podcast oh shit uh-huh and we just do it i love a little 15 minute and we were stoned the
other night and marissa you're here you tell us what you think of this the idea of the podcast
is we you've never seen ballers right we explain to you what if she's like no i see i'm no i love
it i love ballers the idea is we explain to you 10 15 minutes what happened that week in ballers. No, I love it. I love ballers. The idea is we explain to you 10, 15 minutes what happened that week in ballers.
Are you in?
Okay, yeah.
Perfect.
Oh, man.
That's hilarious.
So stay tuned next week.
I'm really excited.
We'll record a couple.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I might get a fire stick because I got to figure out how to do it.
And now I get to rewatch ballers.
Yeah.
Oh, you come to the crib.
Okay.
Yeah, we got drinks and smokes.
Yeah, we'll figure it out.
So, previous tangent to that.
Minimize that tab.
Is, I was at the gym and there was a dude on the, like, old dude.
One of those ripped old dudes at the gym.
Oh, like all his muscles looked like ropes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ropey.
You said it like he was your biggest enemy in the world
and he just walked in. Old dude.
So, he's got
like a balance ball, one of those like
you know, those balls that you said on the
crunches, sitting next to the bench
with his gym bag on the bench. By the way,
and I didn't bring it up, but there's a sign that
says no gym bags in the workout area.
And again, I didn't bring it up. Now, is this the
bench press bench or one of the free weight bench?
No, bench press.
Like the bench press.
That's a bold.
That seems very bold on his part.
The other two are taken by two very large Armenian gentlemen who are putting in work.
Yeah.
You know?
So I'm not going to go like, we actually wrapped about the same, but I didn't want to tap in
and be like, hey, can I get in?
I didn't know where they were.
But I saw that this guy wasn't using this bench and I stood there for like two, three minutes thinking like any minute now he'll start. And he didn't know where they were, but I saw that this guy wasn't using this bench. And I stood there for like two, three minutes thinking like any minute now he'll start.
And he didn't.
And then I went over and I was like, hey, are you using this bench?
This is not even a good story.
I don't know why I started.
No, I'm really impressed.
I was like, hey, are you using the bench?
And he was like, yeah, I am.
I was like, oh, are you?
And he was like, yeah.
I'm like, all right.
And then I walked away and i kind of eyeballed him
for another one or two minutes doing some other peripheral like lifts i started i did an incline
for a while and then one of the benches freed up so i'd already done two incline sets and then i
went over to the actual bench and i banged out four sets of eight with rep rest in between before
he ever even laid down on that bench and so he was just fucking squatting
everything it's not just the gym it just translates to life like that sort of uh
yes this isn't your house you don't have all the time he was doing his little balance ball thing
that's totally fine yeah but you're on there you got emmys i work out well but i mean that goes
that goes right back to the pet peeves it It's like, dog, just be aware of your surroundings.
It just,
it tells me that somebody
would do something like that.
It's crazy.
I'm not a fan of it.
I was even,
I was even polite
the first time I asked.
I was like,
hey,
are you using this?
And he came back
at me with the attitude
and I'm not going
to not respond.
See,
you know?
Yeah.
It's like a fucking,
a lane.
If there's an Uber driver
parked with their,
like,
are you using the lane?
Yeah,
I'm using the lane.
We'll fucking drive.
Then use it.
Same thing.
Drive in the lane.
Then use it, bro.
Same exact thing, dude. Nothing different. Anyway, he anyway he's dead i killed him shout out to that dude you
killed mayonnaise close that his name was actually and that's why i wanted my sandwich yeah just a
plain fucking like uh a pastrami yeah a big pastrami deli mustard swiss cheese pastrami
mayo on the jewish rye bread food. That's a great sandwich.
Do you have a name for your sandwich?
Huh?
Do you have a name for your sandwich?
I mean, it's really just a pastrami sandwich, if we're being honest.
It's a pastrami sandwich.
Give me a second to think of a name.
David, have you thought of a name?
I don't know why this makes sense to me, but it does.
The Ellen Cleghorn.
What?
Ellen Cleghorn, the first black woman on SNL.
All right.
I don't know if that's true.
It might be.
I don't know why.
I was just thinking of names, and I just felt like that name is as strange as that sandwich is,
but for some reason goes together. i have to find out oh she's from red hook oh man red hook is grimy
i have to look up she's the first black woman on sml i don't now i gotta look up ellen clay
i want these sandwiches now i do too man we live in la there has to be somewhere in la where we can dance
maybe was that the first that was that was a few seasons in because i know garrett morris was the
first black guy he was the first he was original right yeah he was yeah he was one of the
well i have to come up with a name for my sandwich. I like that it's the Ellen Cleghorn. Yeah. Take Pastron me.
Take Pastron me.
I mean, that's great, but I have to name it.
But I love that name.
Yeah.
The Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah.
I like it a lot. You got to hang one of those on the wall right next the bar meets right next to the
bar mitzvah certificate i would have rather gotten a bar mitzvah looking back now that
hindsight is 2020 fuck that's such a good name for it the bar mitzvah this has food cart written
all over it yeah guys we just changed the same well Well, two of you did, and I reinforced stereotypes.
But good stereotypes.
Fuck yeah, happy to have them.
That's the only sandwich that I've eaten that we've made.
Right?
I fucked that sandwich up.
You know what that sandwich tastes like.
I know exactly what it tastes like.
These all taste good.
David, you opened it up.
Yes.
You made the Ellen Clay Gorn.
Waffles, chicken fried steak,
ricotta, apple butter,
and corned beef.
Thin, thin, or medium-sized corned beef.
How much apple butter?
Just, uh, man.
You're gonna peel an apple.
Uh-huh. You take the skin of the apple.
You're gonna take those peels. You're gonna put them in a bag.
You're gonna mix them with some other fruits. You're gonna let them... Okay. Sort of like get to take those peels. You're going to put them in a bag. You're going to mix them with some other fruits.
You're going to let them.
Okay.
So they'll get to know the other fruits.
Yeah, they're going to get to know the other fruits.
You're going to put some water in there.
You're going to put some yeast in there.
You're going to make you some pruno.
Put it behind the toilet for five days.
You make some apple skin pruno.
Then you're going to drink some of that pruno.
You're going to get it enough to get drunk.
Enough to get drunk.
Yeah, yeah.
Then you're going to puke.
You're going to puke that up.
Yeah, you want to have a good time.
And then you're going to have to cough. Yep. Or you're going to cough into a napkin. Yeah, yeah. Then you're going to puke. You're going to puke that up. Yeah, you want to have a good time. And then you're going to have to cough.
Yep.
Or you're going to cough into a napkin.
Uh-huh.
And then you're just going to take a fan, and you're going to take that napkin, and
you're going to put the waffle in front of the napkin in front of the fan, and you're
just going to let that blow on.
So not a lot.
Not a lot of apples.
Just the remnants of some puke.
Just a tiny bit.
Just a puke remnant.
Just a tiny bit.
Just a, just a, just a, ooh, just a dab. Just a tiny bit. Just a puke remnant. Just a tiny bit. Just a
just a damn.
Just a dollop. I'm saying like you
you're a
grown up on a farm.
You've been there your whole life.
You've been there your whole life. You're 13, 14 years old.
You don't know anything different. You don't even know there were cities.
And you grew up, the same
the week you were born, your pa
your pa also bought a young foal, a baby horse, right?
Okay, yeah.
So, and the two of you kind of grew up together.
Sure.
You were friends.
You'd run through the hills, you know what I mean?
You'd do chores together.
Sometimes the horse, Clarence was the horse's name, would pull like a, you know, like a
yoke and like help till the fields.
Yeah, you can't pull that yourself.
No, but you'd be there, you know, you'd be petting Clarence and everything.
Yeah.
And you're 14, 15 years old now, right?
So is Clarence.
A little more life experience.
Yeah, horses live longer.
You know, the horse can live to 30, 40 years old.
But.
How's Pa doing?
Pa's great.
Don't worry about Pa.
Yeah, this is your time.
You're growing larger in ways and tastes.
You know, you're out in the fields.
And you don't even think about your future at this point, right? Because you're 13, 14 years old. You're out in the fields. And you don't even think about your future
at this point, right? Because you're 13, 14
years old. You're like, I'm gonna...
My father's a farmer. I'm a farmer.
I have this horse, Clarence. Where would
I go? Yeah. Why leave? Yeah.
It's dusk.
Right? Uh-huh.
And you and Clarence are out walking. The day of.
And Clarence
takes a little misstep.
There was a gopher hole he didn't see.
Okay.
He didn't.
You were in some medium brush, not high brush.
He doesn't.
He doesn't see.
You don't see it either.
Nobody sees it.
Yeah, yeah.
Steps wrong.
That front right leg.
Oh, it doesn't.
It doesn't.
It snaps.
Oh, it snaps.
It's loud, too.
It's like a cacophonous, like a shotgun going off.
Shoots off through the orchard.
Oh, my God.
You can hear it.
It bounces off the farm.
There's an echo.
Birds flying away.
Birds flying.
Into the dusk.
It looks pretty, but you're bummed.
The light clicks on in the house because Pa heard it.
Oh, damn it.
Horse goes down.
Clarence is on the ground.
And you know, you've been on the farm long enough to know what this means. Me, too. You've seen it happen. He's not long for this world. This is the life we chose. One thing Clarence is on the ground. And you know, you've been on the farm long enough to know what this means.
You've seen it happen.
He's not long for this world.
This is the life we chose.
One thing Clarence always loved, a little bite of an apple.
Fresh apple.
And you run over.
Paul's coming out.
He's like, what happened?
He's like, Clarence stepped in a gopher hole.
But you're running to the apple tree.
Yeah.
And you find the best, biggest, brightest apple,
the one you were saving for your mom's apple pie,
because the state fair is coming up.
That's two, three weeks away.
You pluck it off the tree.
She wants to win again.
You run it back, and you feed that apple to Clarence.
And then your dad comes out with a gun.
He's like, you go back to the farmhouse,
and you say, no, Pa.
He's my horse.
I'll do this, right?
And you do it.
You put him down.
There's no way to recover from that.
You put Clarence down.
And you give him a proper burial.
And it turns out that it was sort of a liberating experience for you, too.
Because once Clarence died, the sense of obligation to stay on this farm and also become a farmer died with it.
It broke down the walls.
Yeah.
You apply to college, you know.
You get in.
You go off to school.
Yeah.
All of a sudden now your horizons have expanded, you know.
And on the day you graduate from college, you come back to the farm.
And you walk up to where clarence was buried
and there's a little rock marking it and there's a there's a flower growing out
from clarence's grave and you kneel down and you smell it and and you swear that there's just a
little part of you that can still smell some of that apple that you fed Clarence that day.
And like that much apple butter.
Just that much apple butter.
Pretty good, Carmel.
Pretty good, Carmel.
God damn it.
That's where the Emmy comes from. That's where the Emmy comes from.
That's where the Emmy comes from.
It was so quiet.
I actually, I knew, I mean, I knew it was a bit, but I'm like, I have a visual of all of that.
I forgot about the sandwich.
I have a visual.
Ever since he broke his leg, I start, I'm like, there's my, I have a visual of this whole thing.
Pa's running out.
You're running out to get the apple, trying to pa back yep oh god that was good man sean you picked
peppers up gravy the king's hawaiian sweet roll chislik and mashed potatoes the south dakota
wedding burger yeah and then i went with deli mustard, Swiss cheese, pastrami, Jewish rye bread, and a mayonnaise
and called it the bar mitzvah.
This is fucking sick.
Yeah.
I love it.
These are some good sandwiches.
Holy shit, what a good one.
Yeah.
I mean, it's pointless to almost say the things we left on the table.
Well, okay.
Right?
I mean, I'll, you know, it's a good thing that we're such good friends.
Cause I basically caught myself making a Subway sandwich.
I was like,
I can't do this.
Did you catch yourself or did we catch you?
No,
that's why I had this.
So it was going to be Chipotle.
It was going to be Chipotle mayo,
pepper jack stayed on there.
And then it was going to be Parmesan oregano bread.
And then it was going to be,
and then it was going to be pepper Turkey. And then it was going to be chips for thegano bread and then it was going to be and then it was going to be pepper turkey and then it was going to be chips for the for the
mystery that's what i do at subway i got it done i was like you fucking dip shit you can't roll in
you're gonna get that sandwich for six bucks right now i know i was fucking right when i got done i
was like you think you're creative and that's what came out you're supposed to be a creative type
david you you were saying that you had came out you're supposed to be a creative type david you
you were saying that you had another sandwich idea originally so here was what my initial
sandwich was it was going to be dutch crunch bread what is dutch crunch bread they only
you can only find it in the bay area it's the dutch made it when they came here it's
it's like it's like it's like a crunchy exterior and then it's kind of sweet in the middle.
It's so good on sandwiches.
So good.
But it was going to be Dutch crunch bread.
Then I was going to do Philadelphia cream cheese.
Philadelphia cream cheese.
And then bacon.
Whoa.
And then blueberry jam.
What?
And then.
Some more sweets with your meats.
Yeah. But that was. And then blueberry jam. What? And then. Some more sweets with your meats. Yeah.
But that was.
And then I forgot.
Oh, and then a thin, just a kiss of sour cream.
Okay.
Yeah.
That was the first one.
But then I was like, I actually talked to my man, Sam Talent, about it this morning.
And he was like, that's trying too hard.
And I was like, I think it is.
Did you have a first draft?
No.
You were playing jazz. You were playing jazz. Dude, I was like, I think it is. Did you have a first draft? No. You were playing jazz, though.
You were playing jazz.
Dude, I thought about this for like an hour and I still came up with a Subway sandwich.
Here's what I, it's crazy to me.
You were playing jazz, but then you went, that's like La La Land jazz.
Well, I had a sandwich in mind, but I thought somebody was going to take Swiss cheese.
I thought somebody might take the strawberry.
I was going to take Swiss cheese.
Yeah.
They have that at Subway? Because if they do, I might have been able to take it. I don't know if they strawberry. I was going to take Swiss cheese. Yeah. They have that at Subway?
Because if they do, I might have been able to take it.
I don't know if they do.
They do at some of them.
No, they have provolone at some of them.
Ooh, I love provolone.
Provolone is really good.
If I could add one thing to your sandwich, David, do you know what I think I could use
is just a little bit of spice?
That's what I was kind of wondering.
Yeah.
I was kind of thinking maybe like some hot sauce.
Like a chili jelly.
Yeah. Like if there was a chili apple butter if somehow that existed somehow i'm sure it does
that to get some kind of spot because that's what i was kind of thinking too is there just
needed to be like a little just a little if i made it yeah maybe i would just do like a dash
of red pepper yeah yeah just a dash of cayenne over the whole situation. That sounds chili apple butter. Right? That's what they used to call me.
Yeah?
Hey, chili apple butter.
Right, so those are our picks.
This is it.
Make sure you go to at Ian Carmel and vote.
There will be a poll on this one.
There's got to be.
And send us in yours, too.
We love that.
We love when they ask.
Yeah, send us in your drafts.
Hell yeah.
Shout out to the afe subreddit
yeah we're gonna get on there yeah we're gonna get on there i was on there for a second i posted
once and i forgot to go back and look but marissa hooked us up and i will go back i'll get better at
that and uh yeah tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything
yuck for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! Yuck.
That was a HeadGum Podcast.