All Fantasy Everything - Best Worst Movies (w/ Matt Braunger, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

Ding Donger Matt Braunger stops by the Fortress of Soliddudes to draft the best worst movies ever.Be sure to check out Matt Braunger's podcast, Advice from a Dipshit.Episode Guest:Matt Braung...er @Braunger IG: @BraungerSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that was stuck at work because of a couple of celebrities who will go unmentioned. Oh yeah, it's really easy to trace. I'm not. I'm the same two celebrities. You hang out with celebrities all the time too. It could be anybody.
Starting point is 00:00:45 I could be like, who knows when we're recording this? Was one of them you? No. No. But thank you. Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a comedy podcast. That's right.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Yeah. There it is. We got some rapport going. We got some rapport going. Could you have gotten out of this escape room? Well, yeah. Yeah. I didn't say escape room, so now they know exactly who I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Should we start over? No, it's all good. They got out of it, we can just say they got out of it quick. I just misdiagnosed when I was supposed to be leaving work. Is what we'll say. Fuck it. You trying to get me fired? We can start over. Sean, no, we're not starting over. No, man, you gotta keep it on the last. Fuck bad boy records. I said it. We show to get me fired? We can start over. Sean, no, we're not starting over. No, man, you got to keep it on wax.
Starting point is 00:01:25 We're leaving this in. Fuck Bad Boy Records. I said it. We show them the gristle. You know what I mean? Yeah, man, I'll take the heat off of you. Fuck Nancy Pelosi. I said it.
Starting point is 00:01:36 On wax. Yeah, we're coming out. That's the crazy new beef of the year. Fuck it. David Boy versus Nancy Pelosi? That's a weird one. I love it. Yeah, nobody saw it coming.
Starting point is 00:01:46 We used to date. It's a thing. She likes Hebe W's. Yeah, yeah. Hebe W's. Hebe W's. Boy, I've never heard that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:54 It took me a second. Yeah. Hebe W's. Yeah, that's fun. I'm starting it. I'm in. Hebe W's. That's perfect.
Starting point is 00:02:03 That is perfect. It's one of those things where you think about even trying to tag it with anything. I think so. I haven't heard anybody heebie-dovey that's perfect that is perfect it's one of those things where you think about even trying to tag it with anything i think so i haven't heard anybody i never heard i'm a heebie-dovey too yeah i'm bald i'm a double heebie i'm a heebie-dovey we call you a heebie-jeebie emma arnold has a case of the heebie-jeebies. I'll tell you that. Yep. Yep. What a great way. We just need better terms to fuck fat dudes.
Starting point is 00:02:29 We do. It'll catch on. Getting the heebie-jeebies? We need like a, yeah. People will be fucking fat dudes if heebie-jeebies are what they're called. You know what MILF did for hot moms? Oh my God. We need a MILF for fat dudes.
Starting point is 00:02:41 Yeah. Like that would change the whole, nobody was, people weren't, I don't think people were like, I don't want to see mom porn. And then, who was it? John Cho spoken into existence?
Starting point is 00:02:52 American Pie? Oh, I guess so. That was him. That was the first note, right? I just watched it the other day. It's on, Netflix just got them all
Starting point is 00:03:00 or something. Is that where MILF came from? I don't remember it before that, right? Wow. That was the, she's a MILF, mom? I don't remember it before that, right? Wow. She's a MILF. Mom, I'd like to fuck. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:08 And then everyone was like, oh, shit. And I was like, you left out the two. And no one heard me. No one heard me. I'm screaming in the theater. Guys. I was asked to leave. It really made me that angry.
Starting point is 00:03:23 All right, well, I want you to ruin the night. Did you use the is, God damn it. Let go of me. You're crazy. Unhand me. Unhand me. Thump, thump, thump.
Starting point is 00:03:36 Because I'm getting horribly beaten. Miltif. Miltif is still pretty cool. Huh? Would it be Miltif? Mom, I'd like... Miltif miltif miltif miltif i like to think that the first time somebody like they heard milf when they rented that and then just did a line and they looked up and they they heard that and they go brazzers
Starting point is 00:03:57 you okay man it's that point in the cocaine night where you just start saying things that don't make sense. Brazzers. And they're like, Brazzers. We should start a hot time science pool and a pool science. Just as the light of morn seeping through the blinds. Now let me send some text messages that are full of words. None of which go together. I'm 45 minutes away from trying to sleep and failing
Starting point is 00:04:26 oh yeah my heart punching its way through my ribcage when Starbucks open that is a rough one just looking down like man I'd love for the rest of my body to want to go to sleep just like my brain does my head is so tired
Starting point is 00:04:41 my mouth is tired my mouth is so much talking. Oh, yeah. I'm tired of the amount of listening I've been doing. Yeah. The last active, really staring at someone's mouth while they move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that kind of podcast, yo.
Starting point is 00:04:57 It's that kind of podcast. It's that kind of podcast. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. What's happening? Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on the gram. A lot of those. We've seen a lot of those lately. A lot of those. What do you got coming up, Sean?
Starting point is 00:05:09 Sean. Sean, what do you have coming up? Sean. It's weird hearing sometimes people don't say your first name a lot. It's weird hearing. Laura's nephew calls me Sean Jordan. Laura's nephew, four-year-old nephew, calls me Sean Jordan.
Starting point is 00:05:24 Whoa, that kid's a psycho. A lot of people call you Sean. No, I mean, I get it, too. Oh, well. I never called an adult man by his full name when I was four. I guess so. That's some new shit. But that's a show.
Starting point is 00:05:35 But Sean has one of those first, where you say the first and last name together. That's true. Sean Jordan. There's a show at Rev Hall that's coming up on March 8th. There is. There's still a couple of tickets. It'd be really fun if everybody in Portland went.
Starting point is 00:05:47 If you need to travel a couple miles, that'd be fun, too. None of us are doing stand-up again after this. I'm done. We're out. We're out of the game. I'm going to crip walk right out of there. Could be. With what we're going to do after that show, maybe it is.
Starting point is 00:06:01 Well, Blueface has been hitting me up hard since he found that I downloaded the song yeah well i still can't tell if i like it i don't know either have you heard blue face bronco no i can't fucking i like him i think i think so too he posted this instagram video he's flying in first class and he's like i'm up here in first class with all these caucasians but he's like putting the cameras in people's faces. He's like, I'm sitting here with this Australian guy, and the Australian guy's like stoked. Yeah, that's pretty great. And he's got that picture where he used to have the Dragon Ball Z hair or whatever.
Starting point is 00:06:34 So Blueface is this rapper from South Central. He's a crip. And he's got a huge face tattoo, and he raps offbeat, kind of like E-40. But not like E-40. But not like good E-40. But not like E-40. But people like it for some reason. I like it.
Starting point is 00:06:50 His song Fatiana is real big. It's all sinister sounding. It just sounds real creepy like if you're walking in a hip hop haunted house or something. Got it. OK. It's fun. I'll check it out.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Don't say my business plans on the fucking air, dude. Hip hop haunted house, dude. I'm into wrecking shit on the podcast today. I can feel it. Aaron shit out. I'm going to play Big Al at the haunted house. I'm going to play it. I can't even. We're not doing it this
Starting point is 00:07:16 time, but if I can use this, have you done scariest rap songs? No. I just thought of like six. Yeah, they'll grave dig his whole album. There's a nightmare on my street. What's scarier than that? That's the scariest one. What's scarier than that?
Starting point is 00:07:31 I think I could fight Mike Tyson. That's even scarier. Or the fact that parents just don't understand. That's a horrifying idea. Also summertime, too much opportunity. It's true. It's like idea also summertime too much opportunity it's true it's like pick a month that's four months yeah i feel like this is getting very will smith
Starting point is 00:07:50 century yeah god damn it the thing that's scary david come in the door and fuck it all up i feel like this is sort of a will smith theme that you got going on it's rap are there other rappers the scariest thing in summertime was in the video, somebody had a bright white steering wheel in their car. When I was a kid, I was like, the fuck? You're going to a barbecue? That's how you know that guy was bulletproof. Oh, yeah. That guy kept wet wipes on.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Oh, man. I'm rolling up with my white steering wheel at the barbecue. Wet wipes on the ready. He's got a CD wallet full of wet wipes. Go and check me, boo. Revolution Hall. Yeah. March 8th.
Starting point is 00:08:27 March 8th. There are still tickets for the early show. You know, we'll be in Boise. You might make an appearance at that show. I might be there, man. I might be there. David Borey might make an appearance. We don't fucking know.
Starting point is 00:08:35 I very well could be in town. We will be there for the sold out live AFEs. It would be weird if you guys didn't come to the show. What a weird world we're living in now. I got my fingers in a lot of pots. I know you do, baby. I'm working, speaking of pots,
Starting point is 00:08:48 I'm working a, us going to a Trailblazer game angle. Nice. On the night of the 9th. Do it. Yeah. That sounds great.
Starting point is 00:08:54 I'm working on that angle. Yeah, that angle. Yeah. That's one of the angles. So go see that. What else is going on? You were just in Portland. I was just in Portland.
Starting point is 00:09:02 I had a Valentine's Day weekend with the old lady. Went to a couple's massage three hours long sounds like you must have massaged a couple so it was like a couple's massage class so there was like 10 couples in there yeah and then it was and then they pulled a fishbowl and you had to put your keys in it and i was like i don't have a car it's whatever the lipstick is right yeah okay that was a lipstick on the door and then you have to booth that person check this out And I was like, I don't have a car. It's whatever color the lipstick is, right? Yeah. That was the lipstick on the door.
Starting point is 00:09:27 And then you have to booth that person. Check this out. Which was a term that didn't get drafted last week. They said to wear loose clothing. Some dude had jeans on. Team Strong. Nice. Sometimes you do that bounce pass that Steph did in the All-Star game the other night.
Starting point is 00:09:44 Then one of these two comes up and kaboom. Or both of us. Shaq back with shake-em-up fries. I know I'm not the classiest man in the world, but yes, you are. I for sure know you're not supposed to get a massage in jeans. No, that's fucking crazy. That's like the only rule. That's making them work too hard.
Starting point is 00:09:58 I saw loose clothes and I'm like, joggers. Barely a t-shirt. Biggest hoodie I have. Yoggers. And El Boogie. I'm like, joggers. Barely a t-shirt. Yoggers. Biggest hoodie I have. Yoggers. And El Boogie. Well, and it's like, I strip down. I keep my underwear on. I'm naked. I don't even take, I take my underwear off.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Good for you. I've never gotten a sock. Wrap my penis around my leg. You're going to tuck it up. Winner rules. That's what, so El Boogie is a modest gal. And right away, I was like like I guarantee these folks are getting naked you can smell it on them
Starting point is 00:10:27 that guy's got jeans on he's probably naked in the car and so yeah she ended up you know taking her shirt off and it was you know couldn't see anything but I was like this is normal and I even whispered I was like normally this ends up being then what'd you do after that she took her shirt off and then what
Starting point is 00:10:44 what'd you do after then I She took her shirt off and then what? What'd you do after that? Then I looked around all sinister. Oh, you looked around? You couldn't even hear it cock. Why'd you say cock? Because of the gun. Oh, a gun?
Starting point is 00:10:56 What? I killed everyone. Oh, man. That took a turn. I still finished, but that took a turn. Turned into a couple massage. I thought it was going to be sexy. No. No. It was the weird part to not have that turn into
Starting point is 00:11:07 the lover's dance. Which, by the way, I'm bummed I didn't draft that. The lover's dance is good. Normally, when you're using oils and stuff, you're like, well, yeah, we're going to keep going down the natural path. Yeah, when you're using... So, here's my question
Starting point is 00:11:23 about the oils. Oh, sorry. Got me again. Classic social bit. You're such a rascal with your butt. No. Okay. So here's my question.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Does the oil. God damn it, Sean. Well, ask a question. I'm trying to work. I'm at fucking work here. I don't come to your job and I don't know what you do. I don't know what you do. I do call in the ABC mouse every now and then. Yeah, I work at a prominent
Starting point is 00:11:49 website. Is Sean there? Just chat. Can you see him? What's he doing? He's not reading a book, is he? Sean having a good day. Good. Good. Okay. Bye. Is he drinking soda? He said he was off soda. My question was, if you when you god damn it i swear
Starting point is 00:12:08 to god i'm gonna get through does the oil rub into your skin or do you stay greasy it kind of dries but like i always like to take a shower after yeah that's what i like to just leave it on all day that's whatever it's it's weird that's weird to me. Yeah, that seems wild. But I do like to rinse it off, go home and rinse it off. Your hands, it looked like I just dipped them in Crisco or something. My nails were all shiny.
Starting point is 00:12:32 But my back, I didn't, I'm a texture, I don't, I get weird with texture. So I didn't want a lot of lotion used on me or oil or whatever.
Starting point is 00:12:39 Yeah. You're getting all red just talking about it. I know, I'm all clenched up. And he says, I'm going to cut my dick off. Go get some.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Yeah. Yeah, I don't. I'm not thrilled about it. But it was fun. And then we went to a movie. And we went to a Harry Potter symphony the next day. Oh, yeah. That's right.
Starting point is 00:12:54 What an engaging Valentine's Day. They screen Harry Potter. So you're at a movie. And then the symphony just scores the whole movie. So instead of music playing. But you can still hear the talking. Yeah. So it's just like you're at the movie.
Starting point is 00:13:03 Symphony scores it i saw uh the pirates uh the caribbean movie the first one at at the pantages and they had uh which is that the is that the one that's on sunset uh on hollywood yeah right by the w right yeah and they they had a they had a dude like when we got there like playing on a giant organ, playing pirate music. Yeah, dude, it's sick. Like a pirate hat. That's pretty funny. And then he sunk into the ground and then the screen turned into a pirate flag.
Starting point is 00:13:32 And he's like, brr, brr, brr. Whoa. And me and Kanaan were like, fuck yeah, pirates. You and Kyle were like. It was so great. You're just raised, bum, bum, bum. And they're like, sirs, you're not supposed to sneak down again.
Starting point is 00:13:42 And I was kicked out of the plantation. I keep getting thrown out of theaters. Out of here, yo. Sirs, he's not a real pirate. You're out of here. We shouldn't have let those guys with jerseys on in here. Pirate? Just Raiders jerseys? It's not a Raiders.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Pirate game. So yeah, March 8th. Rev Hall. The G Asylum. Yes, sir. Coolguyjokes77 on Instagram. What do you got coming up? Come see me. Headline Go Bananas. That's about it. The G is silent. Yes, sir. Cool guy jokes 77 on Instagram. Yeah. What do you got coming up?
Starting point is 00:14:08 Come see me. Headline, go bananas. Go bananas. Go bananas. February. Yeah, I'm very excited. February 28th through March 3rd with Zach Toscani. The next weekend, I'm up.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Calm down. We hate Zach now. Fuck Zach, dude. Where is Zach? Gym? Probably the gym. I think he's probably over there. That dude and his fucking shoulders. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Cannonballs. Old cannonballs to Scotty. Goddamn diver's body. Fuck him in and he would. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Kiss him, too. And rub their necks because they're sore from the gym.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask them about their day. Yeah. I hope it was good. Love it. Yeah. You know? sore from the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask them about their day. Yeah. Hope it was good. Love it. Yeah. You know, develop a strong bond.
Starting point is 00:14:48 Yeah. It's not even necessarily a sex thing, you know. No, it's just like body appreciation thing. It's nice to see you, man. It just makes you feel safe. Yeah, you guys just
Starting point is 00:14:55 get each other, man. For real. That's nice. Yeah, you know, so come to that. Did you guys show a hell of shows in the Midwest?
Starting point is 00:15:02 The weekend after that we're going to be in Portland. Two shows sold. Almost, the weekend after that, we're going to be in Portland. Two shows sold. Almost. The only way you could come see us is that last Rev Hall show, right? It's the early one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Early Rev Hall show. Other than that, you're fucking done. You're done. Handful of tickets left. The early burly. The early burly. That's kind of it for now. I got some other stuff.
Starting point is 00:15:23 You got a Chinese New Year Seattle Supersonics hat. I got a Chinese New Year Seattle Supersonics hat. It's one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Man, it's really my way. I really like...
Starting point is 00:15:34 Shout out to Instagram for the commercial that led me to the website. See, sometimes they do it. Sometimes they help. Oh, yeah. Most of the time not, but sometimes you're like,
Starting point is 00:15:42 I do want that. Yeah, sometimes social media works for me. I'm just going just gonna start saying stuff hopefully my phone's listening and it'll show me where to buy it listen man just go on yeah you know what i mean italian joel prisbilla alternate blazers jersey all right all right it's out there i googled um german uncle buck poster, and it came up. Whoa, really? This was like eight years ago, and I got it.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Oh, you have? Yeah. A line mit Uncle Buck. It's on my... Uncle Buck. Which translated means alone with Uncle Buck. Germans can't help but make it creepy. What a whole other movie that is.
Starting point is 00:16:22 It's framed, and it's in German with McKellie Culkin of allein in zu Haus, which means alone in the house. It's not alone. It's alone in the house. Jesus Christ, Germany. Everything sounds like a porn. I got it framed, and then when I was picking up the frame, someone behind me just goes, oh, my fucking God.
Starting point is 00:16:42 And I turned, and it was Kyle. He didn't see that I was buying it. Really? At the frame store? He was getting something else framed. Oh, my God, that's so cool. Oh, hey, man. He didn't see it was me.
Starting point is 00:16:52 Oh, hey, man. He's holding Van Halen's belt or something. And he just throws it out. Yeah, David Lee Roth's actual hair in a bag that he's framing. He's getting Bob Seger framed. The real Bob Seger. I don't know how many years he's got left in him bag that he's framing. He's getting Bob Seger framed. The real Bob Seger. I don't know how many years he's got left in him. Yeah. Frame him up.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Just framing a piece of jerky. A piece of beef jerky. Fucking Kyle. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. I went straight from driving here right to on the mic. Yeah, man. Thank you, buddy.
Starting point is 00:17:25 Thanks, man. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. I'm in traffic mode. I'm my fight zone buddy. Although with President's Day, it wasn't that bad. We're recording on President's Day. There we are.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Because we are dedicated. Matt Bronger in the studio. By the studio in our living room. Matt Bronger's here. Yuck, yuck, yuck. You remain not in the studio. At Bronger on Twitter. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:44 At Bronger on Instagram yes at bronger on instagram yes uh at bronger in this house right now yes what do you got coming up you not what you got coming up you did something yes yeah you put it out recently yes talk to us about your new special it's called finally live in portland i recorded the last year of bridgetown uh and uh yeah self produced it uh got it uh distributed by-produced it got it distributed by Comedy Dynamics it's this exact same thing that Jim Gaffigan did and then what David Cross
Starting point is 00:18:12 is doing so it's like it's on everything from Amazon to Google Play to iTunes to kind of just like multiple insane platforms to hundreds shit I don't even know about but like you Google it you can find a way to watch it at like very low cost. Eventually, it's going
Starting point is 00:18:28 to be streaming if you just pay subscriptions to whatever, you know, but like, I don't know when that's going to be right now. Right now you can rent it, you can listen to it, you know, if you have Spotify, it's on all that shit. So like, you know, I'm just trying to just get it to as many
Starting point is 00:18:44 people as humanly possible as possible we're not going to steer anyone wrong uh we have not yet no i guess in our opinions we haven't i feel like we do a pretty good job yeah i could not suggest it harder oh dude thank you so much you're one of the funniest comedians of all time you're so fucking good yeah always have been it's crazy and i saw i saw that material it's amazing yeah and And then, I mean, your previous albums, I still remember listening to Soak Up the Night, which was your first one, right? First, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Walking around Portland shortly after I started comedy. Hilarious. Just being like, oh my God. And then thinking, maybe I could find Eggly Bagel Face. Yeah, he was in the phone book. Well, it's like my most downloaded stuff i realized are just the crazy stories and like yeah you know like wild catten and uh two men uh at the ghost of the two-man party yeah and like those like that's where like now and it's
Starting point is 00:19:41 and it's funny like my last special i talk about my ex and it's next bit special i talk about my fiance it's the same one that's great isn't that crazy because we broke up when i did the last special and like at it after and when we got back together and she watched the special at my at my bud hoffman's house we had a little party and she's just like every joke's fucking about me man and like the new one has a has a joke that's so long it's literally two tracks and there's a story of us taking mushrooms on the fourth of july and and and that was kind of like a thing of just like yeah you know we should we should get married but it's just a crazy it was like me just losing my shit on mushrooms on the fourth of july so like
Starting point is 00:20:20 you know there's a lot of that stuff it's mostly mostly like story, story based stuff, but I'm just, it's one of those things where just had this material burning a hole in my pocket at the time. So it was just like, I just was like, Hey, Whitney, Hey,
Starting point is 00:20:33 Ellen, do you guys have a theater? And they're like, yeah, we got the Paris, you know, which used to be a porn theater. It was a punk theater before that.
Starting point is 00:20:40 That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And it was a new venue at Bridgetown. So like it had just had this fun energy. Everybody was all stoked to be there. Yeah, right. And it was a new venue at Bridgetown, so it just had this fun energy. Everybody was all stoked to be there. Yeah, man. Yep. So anyway, check it out. And for shows, you can
Starting point is 00:20:52 just go to MattBronger.com. I'm going to be taking a lot. I am, but I'm going to start taking the podcast on the road, just like you guys. I still have to have each one of you individually. His podcast is WTF with Mark with Matt Bronger. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's called Fresh Air.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Advice from a dipshit. Advice from a dipshit with Matt Bronger. Now, I'm not thrilled that you call yourself a dipshit. I think everyone's a dipshit. All right. And I think it's- You fucking dipshit. Checkmate.
Starting point is 00:21:21 No, no, but I guess I appreciate that. Thank you. But I think it's just i i've reached an age where i'm just like you got to own your mistakes and realize you wouldn't be without them isn't that a fun feeling that's when you when you're like you know i do like the backstreet boys and britney spears and yeah i shouldn't have put cigarettes out of my arm when i was 22 but i'm not gonna lie about any of that stuff without him yeah that's what laura the other day she's like you ever done cocaine i'm like yeah i mean I don't know where this is coming from.
Starting point is 00:21:45 She just asked you that? Yeah, I know. Do you remember? Look at this. There used to be an old show on like Fox, like when Fox had like five comedies, like when Fuck Network had debuted in The Simpsons. There was a thing where it was like a guy, a single dad with a son, and it would cut to old film footage.
Starting point is 00:22:04 And I remember this one where his dad, his kid was like, dad, did you, have you ever smoked marijuana? And he looks at his kid and it cuts to like some old black and white. And this guy goes over 50 million times and it cuts back to him. And he's like, I tried it. You know, like something like that. That's exactly, I said his share would popped into my mind when you said that to you. Have I?
Starting point is 00:22:26 I mean, I was at a party. Over 50 million times. Somebody sneezed and I was breathing. That's great. I've been in the same room as him. We're going to take that to South By this year. Oh, that's fucking awesome. March 11th, we're going to be at South By Southwest.
Starting point is 00:22:42 We were there last year. It's such a blast. It's so fun. We did have a blast. It's fun. john puked red wine onto my calf nice yeah it's great right on sixth street yeah man oh you know good times but like i feel like that leads into uh our thing because these movies you know yeah they're bad but they're great but you like them anyway these movies for dipshits. Yes. These are dipshit movies. But just to put a cap on it.
Starting point is 00:23:07 You got anything coming up? Oh, wait. Just one second. I'm sorry. And I'm not trying to move it along. Oh, please, please, please. Of course not. Finally live in Portland.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Yes. Available all over the place. Yes. If you fuck with us at all, you fuck with Bronco. Exactly. We'd be saying this even if you weren't here. But seriously. Thanks, man.
Starting point is 00:23:22 If you're not old enough to like to be like a like a godfather for like the kind of comedy we do god bless you you know but like cause we're only like a few years apart
Starting point is 00:23:31 but like couldn't have been more of an influence for real so like if you like what we do you're gonna like what Brock and I
Starting point is 00:23:36 so fuck with that and then uh advice from a dipshit fuck with that too get on it uh I'm Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel
Starting point is 00:23:43 across platforms Ian Carmel Twitter Ian Carmel Across Platforms. A lot of those out there. Ian Carmel Twitter, Instagram, Jewish Ease app. Jewish Waze. They deliver marijuana. Oh, boy. I've been spending some money on there. Just come to...
Starting point is 00:23:59 The live AFE in LA already sold out. We will be doing more. So the next couple months, we're going to be doing more of those. So look out for those. We're fucking stoked live AFE in LA already sold out. We will be doing more. So we'll be the next couple months. We're going to be doing more of those. So look out for those. We're fucking stoked. I love how much this thing has taken off. Like when you told me the idea, I was like, fuck, that's boss.
Starting point is 00:24:13 What a fucking cool idea, right? It's so good. I know. It's so good because it's like I do that anywhere in my head. Right. Exactly. You know, it's like high fidelity, how people just like make these lists of the things they love. Favorite movie of all time.
Starting point is 00:24:26 And this is like, yeah, it's so good. But this is like the, it's anyway. Anyway, like I have to fucking tell people that are listening to how good it is. It's still nice for us. All right, old man. Do you know how podcasts work? Somebody hit us up on Twitter on Sunday. Are you going to Petaluma?
Starting point is 00:24:42 Is that this Sunday? Yeah, wait, let me pull that up real quick. Somebody was asking. Is it on Sally Tomatoes? It's not this Sunday. I thought you were going somewhere on Sunday. Are you going to Petaluma? Is that this Sunday? Yeah, wait, let me pull that up real quick. Somebody was asking. It's not this Sunday. I thought you were going somewhere this Sunday. So come see us at the Tree Fort. Oh, yeah. It'll be in March. March 25th or whatever.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Yeah. Oh, you know what? April 23rd, I'm co-headlining Comedy Works Downtown with Sam Talent. There you go. Nice. That's a great show. In Denver. Very good. That's a great show. In Denver. Very. In Denver. That's a great show. But that, yeah, I'll put those tickets out. Tell them to fucking book me already. I don't, I didn't even
Starting point is 00:25:12 get booked this time. That's the same thing. I can't get to Denver to save my damn life. That is the hardest club to get booked in. Like, Wendy has got everybody calling her, so it's like, I get it. You know. I got jokes. But. I got five jokes. I am going to be opening for emma arnold on uh february 28th uh march 1st and march 2nd uh february 28th i'll be at hotel petaluma uh and then mark in in petaluma march 1st i'll be at Barrel Brothers Brewing Company in Windsor, California.
Starting point is 00:25:46 And then on the 2nd, I'll be at Old Growth Cellars in Eureka, California, which is already sold out. And then on March 3rd, I will be driving from Eureka to Los Angeles, probably eating Carl's Jr. and farting alone in a car.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Do you know how far that is? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah yeah that's a big one that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a hall doggy sometimes you gotta do it for your lady yeah i'm doing it for the lady hit that bagel place man i will well people are saying that that's not the actual bagel place we're gonna go to both most bagels isn't the spot i don't know somebody was saying some shit on twitter you gotta do the work you can't read that shit yeah you gotta put in the work with the lady. You really do.
Starting point is 00:26:26 So I'm doing that. But I also just to do comedy to get ready for Portland. I don't know what else to even throw up there. What are we going to come up? I'll be at Florida State University on 420 with Sean O'Connor. Really? Really? And then I'm trying to think what else I got.
Starting point is 00:26:44 That's about it. So sick. That's about it so sick that's about it watch the late late show go see Faded hell yeah uh oh yeah go see Faded
Starting point is 00:26:50 every Friday we're gathered here today in the fortress of solid dudes not just to remind people to go see Faded every Friday night at 8 o'clock at Blue Rooster Art Supply
Starting point is 00:26:59 we're fucking bums Malloy's just punching dinner plates in the kitchen I got him I got you Malloy I got you, Malloy. We're gathered here to draft best worst movies. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Yeah. Yep. Whatever that means to you. Best worst movies. I will be taking high fidelity five times. Just to piss Sean off and see if I get a reaction out of him. That was my wish. So we're drafting that.
Starting point is 00:27:26 Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. I'm shooting up tonight. He's shooting up. All right, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, oh, paper, paper. Oh, Sean Jordan wins. Sean won.
Starting point is 00:27:35 Sean Jordan wins. Kaboom, shake, shake, shake the room. Boom, shake the room. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Boom. Y'all ready for me? You probably thought Will Smith was here for a second. Did you guys think Will Smith was here?
Starting point is 00:27:48 That's why it's good that David wins. I didn't think. That's the weirdest Will Smith one. Jim West. That's Veronica. Now, it's up to you to determine the order of the draft. And coming upon you having won it. Before you do, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft.
Starting point is 00:28:03 What is that? Great question. Well, David, my friend. it's like if you were if you were at the symphony and you haven't really been to the symphony a lot and it's fascinating like you know there's the movie playing the harry potter playing but you're looking at the symphony and you you look at the conductor then you see the violin and the viola and the cello and, and the bass, and the horns, and the drums, and the choir. You think that's fascinating. And then you kind of want to look back down the line. So, you take another look at the choir, then you look at the drums, then the horns, then the bass, then the cello, then the viola, then the violin, then the conductor. And as you look at
Starting point is 00:28:38 the conductor, you're like, man, I kind of want to take that in one more time. So, you look at the conductor again real quick, then you go to the violin, the viola, the cello, the bass, the horns, the drums, and the choir. And then just kind of keep going. So from there, you would go to the choir, the drums, the horns, the bass, the cello, the viola, the violin, the conductor. God, it's crazy that you just had that off top. I'm really glad I'm not high.
Starting point is 00:28:57 I'm really glad I'm not high right now. You went off top with that. Wow. That was crazy that you just saw that like a steel trap i feel high after that yeah basically what it means is you've been fourth in the first round you pick first in the second with that in mind sean what will the order of today's draft be uh it's gonna go matt david me ian all right great i like matt going first because it was your idea i kind of want to see where the gauge is yeah he likes the hot corner i uh i'm just gonna say like i'm sure
Starting point is 00:29:26 people will be angry because some of my movies they just were like but that's just good i'm mad right now already i'm kind of bro i these are these are i genuinely love all these movies oh yeah we'll get you know there's movies like what i how i kind of judged it is like by some people's definition they're bad yeah you know of my mind kind of in it is like by some people's definition, they're bad. Yeah. You know, of course. Mine kind of in certain ways, if I, you know. Well, hey, that's the whole thing is very open and that's OK. We'll get into some serious conversations. OK, so for number my number one draft pick, the number one draft.
Starting point is 00:29:59 All right. And before you do pick that, we're going to take a quick break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it. You know, there's the magic of microdosing with schedule 35, their products, they're backed by science and dose to a precise amount. So you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days and you don't
Starting point is 00:30:54 get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this, but schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box, and it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track.
Starting point is 00:31:23 So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code ALLFANTASY at schedule35.co.
Starting point is 00:31:40 That's 15% off at schedule35 dot co and use promo code all fantasy. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy genius. Essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary
Starting point is 00:32:23 medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything. But it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start?
Starting point is 00:32:50 You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to like all the nation's top insurers and then they give you your best options.
Starting point is 00:33:08 They're just a few clicks and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I
Starting point is 00:33:48 said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life.
Starting point is 00:34:28 You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages and we all only know one.
Starting point is 00:34:49 Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way to learn a new language. You know, Babbel, they have these 10 minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts. And they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing
Starting point is 00:35:25 any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go, because that's the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself.
Starting point is 00:36:04 Don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word for word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com
Starting point is 00:36:41 slash allfantasy. Rules and restrictions restrictions may apply let's hear that pick i'm gonna go roadhouse oh yeah oh patrick swayze yeah dickhead i love patrick swayze you don't think that was gonna be my first pick it was it was awesome that was definitely i didn't i thought i was safe that is a movie you'll tell people to watch and be like you'll love it it's awesome they're like what no matt oh man i'm so bummed you thought you were gonna get roadhouse i didn't he wasn't gonna pick it i did not think you were gonna pick it that's a great pick it's so good uh who would ever be happy being a bouncer and people are so quick to shit on that movie where you're like the movie's fucking awesome but it is bad yeah a lot of bad it's absurd sam elliott's in it right sam elliott you stole my voice sam elliott kicking super high in stretch jeans man yeah
Starting point is 00:37:32 he's so hot he's always kind of sexy he's still sexy he's a wiry you know gravelly old older guy yeah but he has a thick full head of yeah ov hair. And he's partying with that young lady, so you know he's still like mixing it up. And he's also kicking people's ass, and he's got like a limp. He's got a bad leg beating everyone's ass. He's vivacious. Yeah, he is.
Starting point is 00:37:53 He's vivacious. He's like, yeah. It's got two of the best lines. Do you ever win a fight? Nobody ever wins a fight. It is so good. Isn't he getting stitched up when he says that? Yeah, and then he's getting stitched.
Starting point is 00:38:05 She goes, doesn't that hurt? And he goes, pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt. Fuck you, Dalton. Pain don't hurt. And his nemesis is amazing. The guy who says, I used to fuck guys like you in prison.
Starting point is 00:38:14 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, another classic line of cinema. But like, and so like, even as a kid, I was like, Jesus. Like, ugh. Yeah, that is a gnarly line. It's so evil.
Starting point is 00:38:23 It's such an evil thing to say. When you look at like, you look at the whole movie and it's just some dude who runs this town. Some guy with like money. Yeah. Not even like villain money. He's just got enough to run like a TV money. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:36 I will say though, he has a line where he's just like, I'm the reason JC pennies came to this town, which is a big deal. Yeah. big deal yeah he could run like lennox south dakota you know i met a guy like that who was low-key like that in a town in oklahoma swear to god me and clara kane were in i think norman oklahoma one time boomer sooner yeah and this guy was just talking about how like his dad like ran the town and a bunch of stuff is named after them and then his wife she was like if i remember it right claire if you're listening uh his wife was like
Starting point is 00:39:11 a native american princess wow but then they married like politically like okay and the guy was like wild like we walked out of the wine bar he still had the wine is in he smashed the glass on the ground wow he was like they're not gonna take me to jail in this town i'm rihanna here yeah i was like whoa sir you are a king and it's i think it's is it ben gazzara who plays the bad guy the the older guy the older guy is that his name i don't know his name damn it that guy was scary because he was super scary he was so unlike anyone else in that movie yeah and he's just like, just pure evil. I guess when I said nemesis, that was his nemesis.
Starting point is 00:39:46 I meant that guy. I meant his right hand, the badass who does like a flip with a pool cue out of nowhere. Oh, yeah. He's just flipping it around. Yeah, yeah. It's like the bad guy's showing him off.
Starting point is 00:39:57 Like, look at my dog. Look at this. Like this attack dog I have. My henchman over here. That's some Sean Jordan shit, dude. I'll have Sean Jordan pull out the nunchucks on people. I love it. I did it one time on an Ian birthday show.
Starting point is 00:40:07 Yeah, that's great. On security. That's great. Another crazy part of that movie, he has sex and then just puts on jeans without underwear. Man, that's crazy. That is crazy. That is like. And he's doing like.
Starting point is 00:40:19 That's like some, that's some wild shit to be doing. He's doing Kung Fu in the barn that he lives in where he like also is going to someone's throat out later he's got a kung fu barn yeah yeah yeah kung fu where's that dude's throat out that has that moment of like i don't want to do this fucking crazy i have to no one wins i gotta put you down like a mad dog i have another body on my back on my account i'm gonna get another tattoo i don't have time for that i'm a student of the martial arts yeah and uh they do have certain, where there's like, it's called one steps.
Starting point is 00:40:47 We learned how to, in theory, rip someone's throat out. You don't really know how to do it. Sure. Yeah. You give your most carnal ki-eye. Ki-eye.
Starting point is 00:40:57 And then ki-eye. Ben Gazzara, birth name, Biagio Anthony Gazzara. Nice. Biagio. Biagio. Biagio. Carrying a little acting, Biagio Anthony Casara. Nice. Biagio. Biagio. Biagio.
Starting point is 00:41:08 Carry on doing your little acting, Biagio. Biagio, pretend you're the wheel of bed. Look at me, be thinking you're the wheel of bed. You're so good, Biagio. Biagio. Biagio, you come into my cafe, you pretend like you're liking the ravioli, but you're not liking the ravioli. It's a gross ravioli. But you pretend that people buy the ravioli.
Starting point is 00:41:25 That's how we're going to start, man. People don't know that. That's great. Yeah. Student of acting. What do you guys want? Maybe four or five more minutes of that? Yeah, I can take it.
Starting point is 00:41:32 I can take it. I can take it. But anyway, yeah, that's my pick. Roadhouse. Roadhouse, hell yeah. Roadhouse is an excellent pick. Patrick Swayze putting a sex dick against raw denim. It's, man, I don't even understand.
Starting point is 00:41:43 I still don't. That's a psychotic move. You can't just be. There's raw denim. It's, man. I don't even understand. I still don't. That's a psychotic move. You can't just be. There's so many. I don't care if it's Kelly Lynch. You go wash up, Patrick. Yeah, dude. He's just glistening the whole time.
Starting point is 00:41:56 He's always glistening. And he sleeps in a fucking barn, dog. Yeah. You know, he ain't clean. Nope. I've got a dirty little pickle. I figured out I can do the dirty dancing lift with a girlfriend. Pretty excited.
Starting point is 00:42:07 What time of the day was it that you guys figured that out? Probably 3 p.m. Okay. Yeah. That's great. That's responsible. That's our parking lot. We're right here in this house.
Starting point is 00:42:17 Really? Yeah. Nice, man. That's just an adorable story. Yeah. At 3 a.m. It was like, man, you guys were drunk. Oh.
Starting point is 00:42:28 But 3 p.m. it was like man, you guys were drunk. Oh. But 3 p.m., that's just like... I just needed to change the light bulb. I was like, I have an idea. Come running at me. Trust me. You just stood across the living room. You go, I am the time of my life. Mother of three, right through the ceiling.
Starting point is 00:42:46 Up and then right back in. Just for a minute. Hi, Glendale. David, it's time for your first pick. So I was going off of Rotten Tomatoes for my scores. Just for stuff that got maybe what I thought lower than it would. That seems fair. That's a good barometer.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Yeah, I think so. So for... Map barometer. Map barometer yeah i think so so for uh mat barometer i'm gonna take michael bay's 1998 hit fuck armageddon that shit is good it's fucking good it is good it's everything the movie should be the fucking world is ending bruce willis is squinting michael clark duncan's just being big as hell. Just being there. Ben Affleck had just got the new grill.
Starting point is 00:43:29 Yeah. He's playing on her breasts with animal crackers. It's adorable. Fucking Steven Tyler sings that song. That movie's big as hell, and I love it. I can close my eyes to hear you breathing. Steven, bro, what are you doing here? Steven Tyler.
Starting point is 00:43:49 That movie was so big. So big. It's one of the biggest. Like, you watch that shit. You can watch that shit at 2 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon. You do watch that. Yeah, you do watch it. Armageddon on TNT taking up four hours of your home over afternoon.
Starting point is 00:44:02 That was the first slow-mo badass team walking like oh yeah astronauts are there they're walking toward the rocket here we go man and it's like everything you want it's a ragtag group group of misfits they're all kind of badass he's one of them right steve uh well that's the only part there's a lot of times where he talks about fucking underage girls in that movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, wait. Sorry, sorry.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Never mind. Never mind. Never mind. Hold on. Never mind. Don't even get into it, because we will. Hollywood painted Bishami into that corner. Yeah, yeah. Let's not get into it.
Starting point is 00:44:35 But yeah. Yeah, we don't want to, because anyway. Oh, gosh. Oh, that movie might have introduced me to the term ensemble cast. That might be the movie where I was like. Because you were watching Entertainment Tonight. I was like, why are all these fucking movie stars? I was used to having one of those people be in their own movie.
Starting point is 00:44:50 Were they all movie stars at that point? Was Owen Willis in a movie star? He wasn't a movie star yet. Who were the movie stars? Liv Tyler, Bruce Willis. Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis. Liv Tyler wasn't a movie star. No, not Liv Tyler.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis. Who was the other? I guess Will Patton's in there, but he's not. He's an amazing character actor, by the way. Will Patt star. No, not Liv Tyler. So Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis. Who was the other? I guess Will Patton's in there, but he's not. He's an amazing character actor, by the way. Will Patton. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, he's fantastic. I don't know who that is off top.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Yeah, but you'll know him when you see him. I don't want to say other movies because they might get brought up, but I guess he's in a lot of shitty movies, but he's great, Adam. It was just, I remember William Roberts in there. William Roberts? Oh, yeah, Billy Bob's in it. Oh, Billy Bob's great in it. It was just, I remember when I... Yeah, William Roberts in there. Oh, yeah, Billy Bob's in it. Oh, Billy Bob's great in it. Mr. Thornton.
Starting point is 00:45:31 Yeah, that movie's just like... Oh, Bill Fichter's in it. Yeah, Bill Fichter. He's the FBI guy that goes up in space with him and almost fucking caps everyone. Oh, yeah, he can't handle it. And Peter Stormare from fucking The Big Lebowski. Yeah. Is that it?
Starting point is 00:45:43 Who? Peter Stormare. he's the bad guy in literally everything okay all right he's uh he uh i worked with him on his show called he has a show called swedish dicks that he created oh that guy yeah he plays there in la with his family because he's always he's always going flying to weird places to shoot movies and was like i had to like slow it down he's like i got a daughter and. But yeah, you see him. And that dude's a sweetheart. Yeah, he's the guy that's in the Russian space station up top where they go link up.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Exactly. He's been up there going crazy for years. Also, there was Carl Hungus in the Big Lebowski. A one Carl Hungus. Oh, he was in Logjamming. Yeah, Logjamming. Exactly. Yeah, he was the psycho in Fargo. Yeah. Feeding Buscemi into a wood chipper that you're accomplice
Starting point is 00:46:26 here in the chipper uh armageddon is a fucking good ass movie and it is such a good hungover movie man oh yeah but it's like i think what makes it bad by definition is just that it's super super cheesy oh it's corny as hell. The whole movie takes place at sundown. Like, right? Pretty much the entire movie. Everyone in that movie, and that's a Michael Bay thing, is shinier than a Transformer. Oh, yeah. The way they shoot people. The light is so dramatic.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Everyone's glowing. But it doesn't help that they start on a fucking oil rig, so it's like they're sweaty and oily, and Michael Bay's probably just like, yeah, get in there. Oilily. They're on a oily. And Michael Bay's probably just like, yeah, yeah, get in there. They're so sweaty. They're on a body oil rig. Who told me this old character actor, fuck, what was his name? He worked on The Rock and Michael Bay's movie.
Starting point is 00:47:20 And Michael Bay evidently tried to tell Sean Connery, direct him like acting wise yeah like why don't you work on or something like that and sean just looks at him and goes why don't you blow up a bridge and just walks away like told him to fuck himself in front of the hall he was just like whoa you're sean connery why don't you blow up a bridge yeah you know he they probably just had someone killed just to work off the, you know, just to get his alpha back.
Starting point is 00:47:47 Yeah, yeah. Michael Bay was like, he was reading about once a movie he produced or something and it was on a teleprompter and the teleprompter went out and he just stopped
Starting point is 00:47:55 and he couldn't talk. Who, Michael Bay? You see him stand on stage for like 30 seconds and then he just leaves. Wow. He just doesn't have anything in him.
Starting point is 00:48:04 That a babe. Can you imagine if the teleprompter went out and you were just like, mm-mm, mm-mm, and then you just leaves. Wow. He just doesn't have anything in him. That's not a bad... Can you imagine if the teleprompter went out and you were just like... And then you just walked off the fucking stage? Yeah. And you're fucking Michael Bay, bro. You're supposed to be able to talk. He was built to explode.
Starting point is 00:48:15 Yep. He was built to explode, dude. When the fuse goes out. Yeah. Built to explode. Built to explode, dude. My Christian band. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:23 First time I get a handjob after I get married. Built to explode. Built to explode. Bill to explode, dude. My Christian band. Hell yeah. First time I get a handjob after I get married, Bill to explode. Bill to explode. That's so good. Yeah. One of these days I'll know the love of a woman, but not until she puts a ring on it. Yeah, that's smart.
Starting point is 00:48:35 That's Christ's way. We'd like to know your pick. Yeah, would you like to know my pick? My first pick is going to be Con Air. It's going to be my first pick. Damn it. Good one. And this is is so a lot of these movies when i was picking them i was like i picked it and i was like i love i love that movie but then
Starting point is 00:48:52 you step back and you think what's not for real a good movie it's a movie that is it is a good movie to everyone who watches it but in the scheme of things it's not it's not a good movie yeah that movie's pretty bad. It's crazy. When they fucking crash that, they're trying their damnedest to save one guy and they crash a plane on the strip. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:11 Oh my God. They would kill less than 500,000 people. That's a crazy number. Well, 100,000 people, I bet you were on the strip. Am I crazy? 50,000? 500,000 was crazy.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Oh my God. 500,000 is crazy, but you know, they killed a bunch of people. A fucking grip. We'll just say a diesel grip trip am i crazy 50 000 500 000 was oh my god 500 that's crazy but you know 50 000 people a fucking grip we'll just say a diesel grip and you know that doesn't seem also that accent he has in that movie is almost almost saved the fucking day oh my god what's his name in it cameron poe yeah his body is bananas in that he's jacked oh my He's jacked. Oh, my God. He's so jacked. He was hitting the weights in between takes and shit, I guess.
Starting point is 00:49:48 Really? Really. He looks like a man. He had that prison body, man. He was a pump. Yeah, he was jacked up. So what I was shaking my head earlier about Steve Boosh is in that movie, he's like a straight up pedophile.
Starting point is 00:49:56 He's a child murderer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he didn't kill in that scene. He didn't kill that girl. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:03 We all thought he did. And then they fly over and she's still there. Yeah, because they had the teacup broken. That girl that was playing in her pool with no water in it in the middle of the desert with dirt on her face. Listen, it's hard in the desert, people. Oh, no, I'm saying. Cyrus the Virus.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Cyrus. Yeah. Just the lines that he has. Oh, dog. I can't think of it. I'm hanging out with dirty naked freaks. What was Danny Trejo's character's name? 28 or something.
Starting point is 00:50:29 Johnny too many. Yeah, dude. Johnny Hella. Johnny Hella. And Nicholas Cage. He's like, I was just admiring your cage. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:40 So he's a lot into my Val Kilmer. Who is his friend who died? The diabetic diabetic yeah baby oh uh he played himself yeah when that there's a part where he gets the letter saying he's gonna go home yeah and he reads it and baby oh hugs him and it's the weirdest bit of acting i've ever seen nicholas cage just yells i'm going home, son! And it's like the funniest shit. It's like the weirdest yell.
Starting point is 00:51:09 Dude makes choices. Yeah, man. It was the strangest yell. Speaking of choices, John Cusack's wardrobe choices in that movie. Sandals with a suit? Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:51:17 Very strange. He's got like this billowy ass fucking CSI Miami ass pantsuit. But they tried to play it like he was cool yeah which i didn't appreciate no he's got birkenstocks right like or tivas or something yeah it was a weird move bad yeah and that other whatever like the dickhead lieutenant was like shoot the plane down you're like they're gonna do that yeah that's what they would have done yeah man what are you kidding me dude they got johnny diesel grip on there they got cyrus the virus yep dave chapelle they probably wouldn't want to save dave yeah he died early didn't he uh yeah yeah yeah he died earlier yeah
Starting point is 00:51:58 but they also yeah they killed they killed they killed that guy and threw him out of the plane yep isn't that where it would be done? Yeah, they would have. There's no way that some rogue FBI agent would be like, well, hold on. Cameron Poe's up there. You know Cameron Poe. Oh, right. From that light military duty he did a couple years ago.
Starting point is 00:52:15 We've all heard of Cameron. The government cares about soldiers. Stationed out of Baton Rouge. That Cameron? Yeah. He's got to get that goddamn. Some of the guy's nose bone in his brain back in 96. Remember that?
Starting point is 00:52:25 Yeah. Yeah, that guy that looked like Kyle Kinane in the bar. That dude looks. I did the Benson interruption at Bridgetown with Con Air. And the guy was just messing with his girlfriend that he ends up killing. We're just like, he says something fucked up. And I was like, Kyle Kinane? No.
Starting point is 00:52:43 And the place blew up. He's even got a little stocking cap on. That was like, Kyle Kinane? No. And the place blew up. It looks... He's even got a little stocking cap on. That was when the projector cut out. I was there. The projector cut out.
Starting point is 00:52:51 Stalled for like 45 minutes and then you could hear Doug snoring in the microphone. I didn't know him a couple times. You could hear him just like that. We're just like,
Starting point is 00:52:59 is he fucking snoring? It's wild. The guy likes weed. The guy is an avid smoker of marijuana. The guy likes weed. I will avid smoker The guy likes weed I will say that Con Air
Starting point is 00:53:07 That's a good pick I had it on my list I took it off Fuck God these are three great movies So far these are The worst The best worst movies
Starting point is 00:53:14 You think anyone's ever Named their kid Con Air Yes Like Con Air Con Air Jordan My nephew's name is Conner That's a name
Starting point is 00:53:21 It is I'm looking for Con Air though We knew what he was shooting for Yeah Con Air I'm gonna start calling him that That's Con Air. It is. I'm looking for Con Air, though. We knew what he was shooting for. Yeah. Con Air. I'm going to start calling him that. That's.
Starting point is 00:53:28 Con Air. I'm going to name my kid Jordan Cameron Poe. Cameron Poe. I'm going to keep the train rolling. We're going to get just a theme to our first round. Yep. I'm going to go ahead and take Bad Boys 2. Yeah, dude. Because of course.
Starting point is 00:53:41 Good one. Good one. Because of course. Of course. That's another one that was on my list where i'm like this movie is amazing but it's it's bad it's so bad it's bad why do they ever go to cuba it's come up on the podcast before this movie yeah they call they call them x-men nobody called ecstasy dealers that. X-Men, no. It was all just drug dealers. There has never been a more insane ready-to-die crew than those Jamaicans.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Oh, my God. Yeah. What was... Just insane. No, they were Haitians, right? They were Haitians because they had dreadlocks. Yeah, they were called the Zopown. Yeah, and they were just with Uzis.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Just Haitians with Israeli military equipment. So much machine gun fire from those guys. But then, wasn't Lenny Kravitz one of them, too? He was? He was in the movie. Was he not one of the Haitians? I don't remember that. I can check.
Starting point is 00:54:37 Well, you know, Pierre Francois and Pierre Francois were the two Haitian cats that they had with them. That's true, isn't it? What is that from? You said that about my mom's cats last week. They were two Haitian cats. Yeah. My mom had a grip of cats, but two of them were named.
Starting point is 00:54:55 One of them was Francois. The other was Pierre Francois. Nice. Ian said they were two Haitian cats. A couple of Haitian cats hanging out. Two Haitian borders your mom had. Yeah, dude. Bad Boys 2 throwing cadavers out the back.
Starting point is 00:55:10 So good. I don't know if he was in it. He's on the soundtrack. One of the credits. By the way, pretty good soundtrack, Bad Boys 2. Shake Your Tail Feathers, right? Shake Your Tail Feathers. Oh, Shake Your...
Starting point is 00:55:21 Oh, yeah. Oh, did he do the soundtrack? Flip Sciences on it? Yeah, did he do it? I remember they were really hyping the Bad Boys 2side's on it? Yeah, did he do it? Did he? I remember they were really hyping the Bad Boys 2 soundtrack. That Jay-Z song, La La La? I don't like that song.
Starting point is 00:55:31 You don't like it? That bleak beats, la la la. Yeah. Yeah, I never liked that song. Oh, I like it. I love it. Yeah. I didn't give it a lot of chance, though, either. Beanie Seagull, The Desert Eagle, The 45.
Starting point is 00:55:43 Yeah, and then Flipside by Freeway's on that. That song's incredible. Flipside? Yeah, good song. That song's crazy. Hell yeah, dude. And then Da Band. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:51 Oh, was that Diddy's fucking... And then Mash Out Posse's got a song on there. Was Da Band one of his, like, making Da Band? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was making the band, too. He just called him Da Band? Da Band. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:01 It really fizzled out after the show was over. Yeah. We've talked about bad boys to a lot of those podcasts. We don't want to labor it too much, but I will say throwing speedboats at people on a Miami freeway. That's what's up.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Hiding ecstasy in cadavers. That's what's up. Large breasted cadavers. Large breasted cadavers. Huge. Why not? Why not? We're smuggling D-casted cadavers. Large-breasted cadavers. Huge. Because why not? Yeah. Why not? We're smuggling D-cups over here.
Starting point is 00:56:29 When that guy shows up to date Martin Lawrence's daughter, and Will Smith and Martin Lawrence run that game on him. That dude was a blue-chip athlete. That was so funny. You ever made love to a man? No. Do you want to? They're getting all up in his face.
Starting point is 00:56:43 Just with it fucking. Just seeing. You know know Will Smith had so much fun doing that part. Oh, got it. Just with it. He's got like a bottle
Starting point is 00:56:50 of Kavassia or something. Oh man, that character's what the genie should be like. Mike Lowry? Yeah. There should be no Mike Lowry but specifically
Starting point is 00:56:59 when he's running that game on that dude. That genie is like, Carl, can I vest on? That is maybe the funniest line of the whole movie is so big. Carl, can I vest on it? That is maybe the funniest line of the whole movie is the N-word,
Starting point is 00:57:08 you look 30. Yeah. He did look 30, though. He did look older, yeah. That was an old-ass looking kid. He was. He had a big neck. He was.
Starting point is 00:57:16 Yeah. He was a blue chip athlete. He was tall. Yeah. He was not a handsome. It was basically Jadeveon Clowney. Yeah, not a handsome kid.
Starting point is 00:57:23 Martin had an above- ground pool in that movie. That's really funny. That's really funny. That he loved. He loved it so much. Even though he lived right on the Miami ocean. Yeah. Oh, dude, Joey Pants is in that movie.
Starting point is 00:57:33 Yeah, Joe Pantaleone. He's from USA. Yeah. USA. USA. Now, if that movie's bad, I don't know what good is. But apparently, the world thinks it's bad. I think the thing we're finding it's like bad good
Starting point is 00:57:45 movies are not subtle they're not no there's no subtlety no that's what's they're also fairly successful yes you know what i mean yeah those are four money makers i think we just drafted i don't know i don't know i don't want to say too many movies but i'm pretty sure nobody's gonna draft i was a flop when it came out i think it's a cult hit? Really? It's a cult hit, you know, so it got huge. Gosh, you think, I don't want to say movies because they might come up, but some of those 80s movies were like, what were you thinking? You're going to make a movie about a fucking bouncer at like the Double Deuce? Well, like.
Starting point is 00:58:15 That's the whole movie. Supposedly the dude, the way the guy, the way the guy sold Miami Vice was he just, he was having a meeting in a bar, like some Beverly Hills Hilton or something. He just threw down an eight ball on the couch. He just walked in and was like, I got an idea. Even less subtle than that. He wrote MTV Cops on a napkin
Starting point is 00:58:35 and slid it across the table. Damn! That guy's cool though. MTV Cops. That's cool. That's really cool. I feel like it's not happening yeah i don't love to know i feel like it's it's not happening as much as it used to but like in the 80s the amount of movies that got greenlit over like a pretty decent size pile of blow and maybe they sat down with no idea
Starting point is 00:58:55 and by the end of the night they're like 80s thank god they don't do coke in hollywood anymore that's gone they did it all it's like you canaaludes. You can't find them anymore. Can't find them. If you got some. If you know anywhere in LA to get some cookies. We want to know. Oh, I meant Quaaludes. Quaaludes. Got some lewds, bro? Quaaludes, Offset. Take off all of them. Okay, time for my second pick, as it is.
Starting point is 00:59:18 Serpentine Draft. Okay. Alright, alright. I'm taking Varsity Blues. Oh, shit! Dang, dude. i don't think i've ever seen that movie oh you haven't seen it you've never seen varsity blues i got hyped in high school i went on a first date to that movie one of those first dates where you where you crew up those like me and tammy and like okay six of my friends wait you Tammy and six other dudes
Starting point is 00:59:46 me and Tammy and like six other dudes cause we all wanted to see Varsity Blues hoes gonna be hoes so I couldn't blame Tammy Lil Wayne told us we
Starting point is 00:59:51 they had that sorry for saying hoes I didn't mean I was just quoting a rapper yeah you're just quoting a song they had that Foo Fighters song My Hero was in one
Starting point is 00:59:57 of the trailers oh yeah he was just doing pushups and I'm like this movie's one of your hype songs right yes
Starting point is 01:00:02 I love that song. I fucking love that song. Fucking Vanderbeek's in it. Vanderbeek. Who's the kid who played Tweeter? Jimmy Conn. Scotty Conn. Yeah, Jimmy Conn's boy.
Starting point is 01:00:14 Yeah, I liked him. Johnny Boyd's in there. All four foot two of Scott Conn's in that movie. Yeah, John Boyd. Allie Larder's up in there. Allie Larder's in it with a whipped cream bikini. Paul Wizzle's up in there. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:24 Amy Smizzle's up in there. Yeah. Paul Walker and Amy Smart,izzles up in there yeah amy smizzles up in there paul walker and amy smart yeah yeah no we know the heads though um it was just it came out when i was playing like either high school or middle school football it was it was one of the only cool football if you're that like if you're around our it was that and friday night lights it was perfect that movie is very you go back and watch it and you're like, definitely rated R. Oh, yeah. I was like, there's nothing bad in this movie.
Starting point is 01:00:50 You see big nipples in it. The teacher has big nipples. And she's a stripper. Yeah. What world are we living in where the kids don't mention that to anyone? That's weird. The teacher's a stripper. And also, they got in because they're the varsity team, though, of course.
Starting point is 01:01:03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's a whole different setup there, man. But then they don't let the cat out of the bag that the teacher's a stripper and also they got oh they got in because they're the varsity team though of course yeah i think it's a whole different yeah they can get up there man but then they know they don't let the cat out of the bag that teachers and also as far as football movies go it dealt with like you know because like drug use and everything drug use they're giving the guy the needle and shit never seen a movie where that black quarterback taught where the running back is like i don't get my yards my mom's recruiting for me. She got Grambling coming to watch me. You know, my whole life I thought she was saying Grandma, and I was like, why does
Starting point is 01:01:29 you give a fuck if your grandma's coming to see you? Grandma University is always in the Pac-10. I didn't know what Grambling was until I think it was Grandma UCLA in the Rose Bowl this year. That's when you moved down to LA. You joined the Gramblings, right? Yeah, the Gramblings.
Starting point is 01:01:44 It's the Rambling Ramblins. Lord, I was born a Grambling Man. Hey, the Grambler. You're smashing a step team to a say in that. Lord, I was born a Grambling Man. Spin the cane. Bounce it off the ground. I was born a grambling man. Spin the cane. Bounce it off the ground.
Starting point is 01:02:07 I was born a grambling man. Oh, man. Oh, I was born a grambling man. Fire City Blues. Yeah. Good pick. It was just fucking, it was just awesome. It was just a good football movie.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Yeah. I don't want your life. What I do want, Sean, is your second pick. My second pick. Because now we're getting in. I don't want your life. What I do want, Sean, is your second pick. My second pick, because now we're getting in. I don't know that you guys are going to pick my other movies. So I'm going to pick Over the Top. Oh! The arm wrestling movie!
Starting point is 01:02:35 I thought of my god. I thought of my god. Someone who also has dad issues like you. I loved that movie. I love the soundtrack. It had Kenny Loggins meet me halfway across the sky Great tune But you step back again
Starting point is 01:02:47 Today Loggins was all over Loggins was a soundtrack The Sammy Hagar theme song Was that Sammy Hagar? Winner takes it all Loser takes a fall Yeah dude
Starting point is 01:02:57 Gotta take it over the top The world at Okay as my dad had just a shred of custody of me when I was a child. The world where he... I'm sorry to laugh. No, no. It's supposed to. That's a great term.
Starting point is 01:03:11 Oh, that's beautiful. The world where... Just a whisper of custody. That's fucking awesome. The world where the judge looks and is like, yes, the truck driving arm wrestler gets the fucking kid. Take the kid on the road. You've been out of his life since he was what?
Starting point is 01:03:25 Six months old? Yeah. Take him on the road. You've been out of his life since he was what? Six months old? Take him on the road with you, Lincoln Hawk. And then to get his kid back, he fucking drives his fucking semi through the living room of his by the way, his very, very rich grandfather's house, who hasn't done anything that bad in this movie. I haven't seen Over the Top. This shit happens?
Starting point is 01:03:42 Oh, you've never seen it? It's a beautiful story about 80s bananas. Sean's hat is backwards, though. I do it? No. It's a beautiful story about- It's pure 80s banana. Sean's hat is backwards, though. I do know that's part of it. Just like Stallone. I do know that's part of it. I love the switch. When he turns it on.
Starting point is 01:03:52 Yep. So here you go. I think the mom dies. Wait, is this Bull Herder? Bull Hurley. So the villain in the movie is Bull Hurley, this giant bald dude. And I think the mom dies. So Lincoln Hawk, who is sylvester stallone wants custody
Starting point is 01:04:05 her so his wife's dad is hella rich lives in a mansion isn't really that bad of a dude he should have custody he's rich you should just he's the one that can provide for the kid like fuck that i want my kid so somehow they he gets i think he steals the kid and he takes him on the road yeah he shows up to his graduation yeah Yeah. Amber alert for a semi truck. So they just go on the road as truckers. His dad's like, Sylvester Stallone's like an arm wrestling tournament guy. So that's like the whole theme of the movie is this arm wrestling tournament. He's like, he wants to win this big truck so he can be like an independent trucker.
Starting point is 01:04:37 Kid ends up leaving. Grandfather has custody of him. Sylvester Stallone drives his semi through the living room, tries to get his kid back, and then ultimately wins this arm wrestling tournament room, tries to get his kid back, and then ultimately wins this arm wrestling tournament at the end, gets his kid back. It's insane.
Starting point is 01:04:50 And when he turns his hat backwards, that's like when he turns himself, he gets his power back. He's just sitting there, he's like, you know,
Starting point is 01:04:55 I could just sit and talk to you like this, and then I turn my hat backwards, and it's like, you're my worst enemy. And over the top is an arm wrestling,
Starting point is 01:05:02 so you got the grip. Over the top is where you go over the, you take your fingers and go over the top like this. And then kaboom goes the dynamite. Yep. And Stallone... I'm not wearing any clothes.
Starting point is 01:05:14 ...go incredibly fit is a small man. Small, tiny guy. Arm wrestling champions. Bull Hurley was huge. Bull Hurley's... He has balls. He has a huge mustache. I thought that he's
Starting point is 01:05:25 also horrifying. Doesn't come up a lot. Big shiny head. That's another thing. Great bad movies, they're shiny. Shiny head. Yeah, they're shiny.
Starting point is 01:05:32 They're shiny. You need the shiny head. Oh, nobody said Robert Loja was in this. Robert Loja's the grandparent. Robert Loja. He's the grandfather. It's also,
Starting point is 01:05:39 I guess you want your kid back from Robert Loja. I guess he wanted back from Robert Loja. Yeah. He, I didn't know who, yeah, I mean, I couldn't name you want your kid back from robert lozier i like i guess he went back from robert lozier yeah he i didn't know who yeah i mean i couldn't name you anything else robert lozier's ever done except for be period and family guy robert and over the top he also defeats uh arm wrestling champion john brzenk it's just a quick is that a real arm wrestling yeah that's a dude okay watch
Starting point is 01:06:01 the documentary pulling john it's very very great. It's that guy. Yeah. Pulling John, John Brzezinski. Yeah. The greatest arm wrestler. Yeah. Not even a big dude. Really?
Starting point is 01:06:10 Just like, it looks like a normal dad. Yeah. He's got the gun. He's got the, he could just, he has some crazy like tendons. He has more tendons than anyone in his white people.
Starting point is 01:06:21 White people have more tendons in their arm. That's why. Hey, David, that's how. Hey, David. That's why I said that. That's why you guys are so good at jerking off. What happened to all fantasy everything? Oh, David made some remarks.
Starting point is 01:06:34 We got Jimmy the Greek. I hope someone gets offended by that. I really hope they do. Man, that was perfect. Yeah. No, listen. I'm just happy to be the Jimmy the Greek of Fantasy Everything. Everybody knows that.
Starting point is 01:06:50 My racism is a strategy against white people. I don't want to dive into my dad too much, but yeah. Yeah. That was funny. That was perfect. That was a perfect joke. Yeah. They got those extra tendons in their arms.
Starting point is 01:07:02 I always think of Over the Top as a pairing with Roadhouse. Yeah, I think that's an afternoon. That's the thing. One's about a fucking door guy or a bouncer. Odds are against him. The other's about a truck-driving arm wrestler. The 80s, you could do that. God, Stallone was just doing that German steroids back then.
Starting point is 01:07:20 Oh, yeah. Super shiny. Nothing legal about him. Hairless, big, big, hairless, shiny men. That's yeah. Super shiny. Nothing legal about him. Hairless, big, big, hairless, shiny men. That's what it was about. He couldn't even pay people to fly those over for him.
Starting point is 01:07:30 He had to fly over and get them. Oh, yeah. And put them up in his own prison pocket and fly them back. Yeah, man, over the top. I'm glad that worked. I was wondering about it.
Starting point is 01:07:39 Who's next? David. It's my turn. It's David, I'm sorry. Number two. So it's my second pick, right? Yeah. My second pick. Oh, man, I'm sorry. Number two. So it's my second pick, right? My second pick.
Starting point is 01:07:47 Oh, man. I'm going to go with the hit. I didn't know people didn't like this movie. I'm going with House Party 2. Wow. Good call. The one where they were in college with that epic dance scene. I love it. Ain't gonna hurt nobody.
Starting point is 01:07:58 And they do that thing where they click heels and then they spin around all the way. The kid in play dance. The kid in play dance. Yeah, man. Tishabell is incredible yeah fucking full forces in that movie martin lawrence is in that movie that's not the one with tlc and immature that's the third one third one that's the third one second is when they they're in college yeah and kids like his like his dad his scholarship payment doesn't go through or some shit like that yep and then they they throw a jammy jam to make the money i love those movies oh god and it's like and it's like because like i saw online people's one of their correct criticisms was like it's super preachy because it is very
Starting point is 01:08:35 much like like one guy gets drunk at the college party and kid and player like man that's not cool you booze you lose we're off the sauce really yeah it's like it is like a super preachy movie but they try to get that man life is bad make a preachy movie yeah anything that promotes black morals i'm for it the point is yeah man house party 2 i love that movie that's a movie fucking rules i love all the house party movies yeah i was young so i was like yeah this is i don't think i've seen house party 2 oh man we got there is a guy named bow-legged lou in it he's in full he's in full force he's the smaller guy in full force he's a guy he's a guy in full force that doesn't work out yeah he smells like pussy yeah oh there's peewee in the movie so he's in both of them uh-huh we're gonna beat his funky ass
Starting point is 01:09:21 because i used to watch it on bt yeah and they would edit it. Yeah. Funky ass. They sent that over and over again. Damn. Yeah, man. Those guys tried to burn down a house. It's just like a, I don't know. I like that movie. That's great.
Starting point is 01:09:33 I loved it since I was a kid. Fuck you, internet. House Party 2. House Party 2. House Party 2. So you need those movies where you're not going to booze. You know what I mean? I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:09:42 Dude, it felt so good to go to portland and not you know oh yeah keep it clean there's a time and place of course i'm never a long long time before i'm like you know i'm not really drinking anymore yeah it feels great to not have it be something where you feel like you're required to do yeah and that was a fun last week i know it's changing but it's that thing where it's like you can have fun without getting hammered yeah that's what you also have a lot of fun they have a whole song called ain't my type of hype baby where they're talking about that i mean it's my type of hype but it's also fun to feel good sometimes you know it's fun to try different types of hype oh yeah waking up at that waking up at 10 feeling okay hype dude hopped up yeah
Starting point is 01:10:21 surprise laura with some chai you know gentleman over know, gentleman over here. Good chai guy. I got two extra bucks. I don't want a chai guy. Chai guy. The kind of guy that gets me my chai. Oh, Lord, that mercy, mercy, mercy. Which was a song in the original Batman. Follow me, follow me, follow me.
Starting point is 01:10:44 Matt Bronger it's time for your second and third pick since it is a Serpentine draft okay well alright second I'm gonna go and there
Starting point is 01:10:52 I know people are gonna freak out in this because it is it's a fantastic comedy Titanic's a good movie Top Secret because was that a
Starting point is 01:10:59 I don't know Top Secret is that a Leslie Nielsen movie no it's with Val Kilmer as an Elvis Presley type who goes into East Germany. Whoa. And during. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:09 It's a serious movie. It's not a comedy. They're going to let him be the first performer to play in East Germany. And it's by the same guys that did Airplane. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, young Val. Young Val.
Starting point is 01:11:23 And it broke my heart when he was on Oprah and they showed a clip of it and he was like, ugh. And then they cut to the doors and he's like, that one I'm proud of. I'm like, fuck you, man. Yeah, the doors suck. Top Secret, I've seen high more than any other movie, I think. Because that was like in college, I'd just be like, I'll throw Top Secret on. Because it just, the jokes are so stupid, but they make me laugh.
Starting point is 01:11:47 Like, stoned or not, but it is like, I remember when I was a kid, a guy who we knew that would see everything and was kind of like, saw himself as kind of a film critic. Yeah. And I hated it. He's like that. It was awful. It was nowhere near as funny as Airplane. And it's like, it definitely does dumb jokes you
Starting point is 01:12:07 know yeah i'm sorry i don't speak german i know a little german he's standing over there there's like a little man and he waves you know yeah just dumb shit like that get me right now but it's rad there's music numbers uh there's it's uh uh amazing like it's it's like It's like the level of humor with the Naked Gun movies. The phone rings. Hello? Yes? Uh-huh. Okay.
Starting point is 01:12:31 Let me know if his condition changes. Hangs up. He's dead. I'm just reading the summary. That movie's wild. It's nuts. You should watch it. Yeah, I gotta watch it now for sure.
Starting point is 01:12:43 At one point, they're still on a train, and then they're just talking and then the scenery starts moving like the train's moving and they pan out the train's not moving a tree is flying back it's going on its own down the street zooming along and a guy runs up and grabs the tree and just rides the tree somewhere that's watching and going i was stoned i was fuck, you imagine if trees did that? Like, you could just jump on a tree and hold on to it until it dropped you off in, like, downtown LA and you let go and you jump off the tree. I was like, man, if only. I love that shit.
Starting point is 01:13:13 Those airplane movies, those Zucker movies were fucking amazing. Dude. Yeah. I don't add us on Twitter and be like, they're Republicans. I know they're Republicans. Who cares now? I don't care. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:23 Those movies are still good. Airplane is so goddamn funny. Oh my God, it's a fucking perfect movie. Yeah, and even like Naked Gun, the series, Naked Gun, the series had like a line that is maybe the funniest Drebin line and no one knows it, where like he comes in this like mob boss's office,
Starting point is 01:13:41 beautiful desk or whatever, and the mob boss goes, who are you? How'd you get in here? And Frank Drebin goes, goes i'm the locksmith and i'm the locksmith it's not it's so funny that's what i'm looking for the god leslie but it's like it's one of those movies you're like yeah it's not you know yeah great like as a movie movie but But it's fucking, sit down and watch it. I just want to have fun for an hour. Exactly. It's not Deer Hunter. What are you doing? They don't all have to be.
Starting point is 01:14:10 Exactly. You know what movie I've seen once? Deer Hunter. Seriously. And I made myself watch it. I was like, I have to have seen Deer Hunter. Honey, what do you want to watch tonight? We finally have a night off together. It's a real rough one. Honey, do you want to watch Christopher Walken play Russian Roulette With a bunch of screaming Vietnamese guys
Starting point is 01:14:27 Do you want to watch Christopher Walken do what I do when you go to bed most nights And watch Dear Honey Top secret second pick Third pick Oh my god I am going to go with I'm going to do this one because it will be controversial Love Actually Did you say Jew That movie has got some I'm going to do this one because it'll be controversial. Love Actually. You.
Starting point is 01:14:46 Did you say Jew? That movie has got some misogyny in it. He's trying to change the subject. That movie's got some misogyny in it. You're right. It's real fucking corny and a lot of the shit does not make any sense. Of course. I will declare that is not a good movie, but I love it. I can't do it.
Starting point is 01:15:02 I've rented it twice. I rented it. I bet I watched it. Me and Kyle, we live together live together on love actually it was like the hangover movie it was like oh this is good that is hilarious i like to just stew in this good rom-com right there is something nice about those like little where like there's eight different stories going on yeah well there's you know honestly i don't think i i can watch it again because it's just like now i'm like oh fuck laura lenny took her shirt off for no reason.
Starting point is 01:15:27 But that didn't help anything. What's the point of this? No, I know. Shit like that. Yeah. You know, but... There's that one storyline with Emma Thompson
Starting point is 01:15:33 that is gut-wrenching. Her and Alan Rickman. Because that's like, that's a real life-ass storyline. And a lot of people, they hate that. Her and who? Alan Rickman.
Starting point is 01:15:41 Alan Rickman. Mr. Takagi. Mr. Takagi. Rickman. Mr. Tuk-Ka-Gay. Mr. Tuk-Ka-Gay. All right. Sorry. I was watching Harry Potter, and every time he said Mr. Potter, I just kept thinking Mr. Tuk-Ka-Gay. But that, like, Laura gets upset about that.
Starting point is 01:16:00 And I'm like, that's, unfortunately, that shit happens. Like, that's probably the most realistic storyline in the whole movie yeah and i love that the the rocker guy and his manager yeah it's like you're the love of my life you're my best friend but that's but the other storylines you're right like the one where his best friend is in love with his best friend's wife you're like fuck off bro that's unfortunately you don't get to me you keep that to yourself yeah and there's that other line where they keep calling that girl overweight and you're like fuck off no first of all it shouldn't matter that's not the issue the issue is that they keep saying it and you're like that's ridiculous yes and then that one dude goes to wisconsin january jones what's up shout out south korea that's that's where the
Starting point is 01:16:38 that's where the misogyny kicks in hard yeah where it's just like four women oh my god we don't have fuck we only have one bed and we're gonna we need to sleep naked and we're all fucking yeah that storyline i haven't seen love actually it's dean ice richards january jones shout out it's his uh rupert this dude is this dude's like a sucker for love and like no girls like him and he just guys i'm just gonna fly to wisconsin he goes and he gets into a bar and they like love his accent so much he gets like a foursome oh with the hottest girls in all of cinema at the time. It's absurd.
Starting point is 01:17:07 It's ridiculous. Absurd. But, you know, it's a bad movie. Another William Robert Thornton. He's the president of the United States in that movie.
Starting point is 01:17:15 Yeah, he's a creep. He's a total creep. A real creep. He's like the worst parts of Bill Clinton and then all the parts of George W. Bush. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:24 Or George, yeah, W. But he falls in love? No, no, no. He's like, he's like creeping on this, the prime minister's like secretary. Yeah. And then the prime minister
Starting point is 01:17:34 who's Hugh Grant. And because he's standing up for her, he stands up for the country and doesn't go along with his demands. Pardon me. I would just be ever so grateful. Hi, bruv. Get off me bed. She's my secretary. That's a perfect Hugh Grant. Pardon me. I would just be ever so grateful.
Starting point is 01:17:45 Hey, bruv. Get off me bed. She's my secretary. That's a perfect Hugh Grant. Hey, bruv. I went to university to become prime minister. Get off my secretary bed. Slag off.
Starting point is 01:17:57 Slag off. Mate. Hey, bruv. What go on? Take your trainers. Take your trainers and slag off, mate. Go to the pub. Get a pint. Cool off. Well your trinies. Take your trinies and slag off, mate. Go to the pub. Get a pint.
Starting point is 01:18:08 Cool off. Love Actually, dude. Glove Actually. Gary Payton, one of the greatest lovers. Yeah. David, tell me your third pick. My third pick got a 28 on Rotten Tomatoes. Yikes.
Starting point is 01:18:20 Have no idea why. Hook. Hook. I fucking love that movie. My dad looked just likein hoffman and hook like a pirate captain that's what he looked like except for the i mean you might as well say your dad looked like captain hook man yeah that doesn't look like he channeled it yeah that movie's so fun yeah it is online they said that it was too sentimental. Like they said he went the easy way. That seems to be what... I love how sentimental that movie is. Oh my god. So many parts of that.
Starting point is 01:18:50 You're doing it, Peter. You're doing it, Peter. Remember how good that made you fucking feel? That fat kid laughing about marbles. Your marbles, Peter. He lost it. He lost it good. Let's not forget that some of the Lost Boys were doing the running man.
Starting point is 01:19:07 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They were doing the running man. And they could skateboard. And Rufio was clearly having sex. Rufio was. Rufio was a stud, man. Rollerblading.
Starting point is 01:19:15 I was scared of Rufio. That's a real bad boy. Rufio was. He was killing. Except. Like, those were boys killing men. Listen, our colleague, captain of the ship, did bring up that Rufio was a rollerblader.
Starting point is 01:19:27 So let's not go and give him. Oh, you're going to throw hands? You're trying to see him out here? Give him all the credit. Also, it wasn't a rollerblade. It was a wind skateboard. Blade. Eight wheels of thunder.
Starting point is 01:19:40 Eight wheels of thunder. Eight wheels of thunder. Like, it wasn't roller but yeah he was on like a skateboard with like a wind wind thing on it yeah yeah he also rollerbladed he roadwayed in that movie yeah he rollerbladed like most of the time when he was on the ship rufio i'm pretty sure dante bosco i didn't i couldn't have told you i couldn't have told you with a million i actually think it might be yo i, I think I might have pulled that out. Let me double check, but I think
Starting point is 01:20:08 that might be his name. Phil Collins is in that movie for a second, and so is I forget who else was in the movie. Yeah, they play pirates for a second. Julia Roberts is the... Oh, Julia Roberts is Tank? Dante Bosco. Dante Bosco. You could have put those letters in front of me as an anagram,
Starting point is 01:20:24 and I never would have been able to get that name Dante Bosco It's a great name Donnie Bosco Hook is an amazing one I loved it It was like one of my favorite Disney movies It's a great Christmas movie still
Starting point is 01:20:39 It's so fun Bob Williams Professor McGonagall I don't know what her real name is. I know who you're talking about. Yeah. She plays the original Wendy. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:49 Yeah. I love that movie, man. That was great. No, I'm a hundred percent with you. I absolutely. I'll hear no hook slander. No hook slander. It's wild.
Starting point is 01:20:58 I wish I could go back and talk to the critics who gave it a bad score and be like, uh, pardon me. You know, like it was, it was, I don't know. Did they just expect Julia Roberts or Robert Williams to do a bigger movie? So they were mad at the movie that they did do. Maybe I can never tell. Yeah. I just don't think,
Starting point is 01:21:13 I don't think they thought the parts came together. And I remember like seeing it and kind of feeling that, but at the same time, I was just like, I'm not mad at this. It's fun. You had, you know,
Starting point is 01:21:21 I like to think that if I was an adult, I just saw that and be like, this is pretty fun. You know? Yeah. yeah i mean that might not be the case and you know what no one got me about it was that robin williams like i just couldn't picture him as peter pan for some reason yeah he killed it don't get me wrong what about when the kid moved all his fat face backwards that's funny there you are p. And you're like, that is no way what that came out like. There you are, Peter.
Starting point is 01:21:49 I also love that they put him in tights and you knew they couldn't shoot him close because the amount of leg hair he had would have showed up. So much hair. You know what was poking through? You can't wear tights with that much leg hair. You gotta shave. You gotta shave your leg.
Starting point is 01:22:03 He was also wearing the same big billowy tan suit that Cusack was wearing in Con Air. Yeah. Hook, great pick. Sean, time for your third pick. My third pick is going to be The Program.
Starting point is 01:22:12 Oh, fuck yeah. That movie. Fuck. Do you know that movie, Matt? I do. Yeah? So, The Program. You know The Program, David.
Starting point is 01:22:19 Place at the table. Oh, I know The Program. That movie, because I was going to pick it right after Varsity Blues, but I didn't want to go back to back football movies but that movie used to get me because there's varsity blues has like some jokes in it the program it has no jokes no jokes it's a dead serious football movie and when i was a kid i was like tight man so the i mean the offensive
Starting point is 01:22:38 lineman has jokes you know i was gonna say so we're running up doggies the middle linebacker gets to talk shit to the quarterback, and then it's cool. Like, everyone's cool with it. And he gets to be like, you're the one that fucked my sister, aren't you? I don't even know your sister, man. I love that he talks back. I know. And then one of the dudes, he starts going, Mayday, Mayday.
Starting point is 01:22:57 He does like an audible. I know you. You're that guy who fucked my sister. I don't even know your sister, man. Man. Stop playing. I don't even know your sister. You're that guy that got my my sister i don't even know your sister man man stop playing i don't even know that guy that got my baby sister pregnant i'm gonna bust your gut open and watch you die and then he man you know i don't know your sister yeah dude and latimer just places the table and then he's in the he's in the parking lot and he headbutts like three windows yeah well he breaks three
Starting point is 01:23:23 headbutts one of them for sure. And they still, they're like, ah, let's let him in there. Let's let him bust some heads, you know? Well, yeah. You know, he's a defensive lineman. He's not your quarterback. They do that whole like trading urine thing where he's like, that scummy dude's like, think about it like getting an oil change, man.
Starting point is 01:23:41 Just like you put a catheter in this dude. You let this biker looking motherfucker put a catheter in you. It's crazy. Oh, Christ. Also, a put a catheter in you. It's crazy. Oh, Christ. Also, young Halle Berry. Young Halle Berry. Omar. Omar Epps.
Starting point is 01:23:50 Yep. Jimmy Conn. I missed. There's another big name in there. Oh, Christy Swanson. Yeah. Not a huge name, but you know. Big enough. That's a big name, though.
Starting point is 01:24:00 Big enough. Yeah, man. That movie used to just get me. Guns N' Roses, their first practice session. Welcome to the jungle. God, it's so good. What's that game used to just get me guns and roses their first practice session welcome to the jungle god it's so good what's that game called where there's one in the middle uh bull in the ring yeah bull in the ring yeah and i'm just like fuck why don't we get to play this that movie got me hyped that was like that came out like when my older brother was playing football and he showed it to me and i remember being like oh yeah it's a headbuster for sure
Starting point is 01:24:22 used to watch that in the old off season yeah but if you watch it now it's a head buster for sure used to watch that in the old off season but if you watch it now it's just wretched so many voice overs there is no off season but keep going that's it the program man it will always hold a place at the table for me yeah nice
Starting point is 01:24:38 you should host the next couple of these alright that's the only one of those I've ever gotten I love that. I like it. You should do it more. It feels good, right? Yeah, it does feel good.
Starting point is 01:24:49 So that's number three. It's time for my third pick. Yeah, what do you got? You guys may disagree with me. We watched it together, so I think you're on the same page as me. I'm sure I am. I find this to be a bad movie that I earnestly enjoy. I'm taking new
Starting point is 01:25:05 jack city oh yeah dude i want to shoot you so bad my dick's hard i love i love new jack i've gone back and forth on it right i've really thought about this and you're right it is a bad oh it's so bad it's a bad movie there's a guy that stands up in a drive-by that doesn't get shot and he acts like you get shot there's no Snipes rocking the biggest pirate hoop I've ever seen. It's crazy. I was in high school when that came out and that was
Starting point is 01:25:33 all the hip-hop everything that I was into. The look. The rope chains. The fucking silk suits. They were dressing like Colby Babb. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:25:46 Very much like a Big Daddy Kane kind of epic. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That's the vibe. But also the dirtiest, darkest New York. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can imagine, dude. It is wild.
Starting point is 01:25:56 It's so fucked up. They look like clowns. And you're like, but they're fucking doing some hard shit. Yeah. Yeah. The Cash Money Boys were going for it. But they just look like. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:04 Like, if I saw them, I'd be like, well, I'm not scared. Maybe I'm scared of Wesley were going for it. But they just look like... Yeah. If I saw them, I'd be like, well, I'm not scared. Maybe I'm scared of Wesley because he looks tough. Nino Brown's horrifying. Yeah, what? Nino Brown's horrifying.
Starting point is 01:26:11 But just looking at him, though. I don't believe that you weren't scared of the guys at New Jersey. I'm scared of everyone. You're afraid of the neighbors. I'm scared of everyone. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:18 You're the dead of it. You're the dead of it. That's Radio Raheem, dog. No. I guess what I'm trying to say is they don't look intimidating except for Wesley Snipes. Just because Wesley Snipes look intimidating.
Starting point is 01:26:28 Because they dress the same how En Vogue dressed. So I understand that. That's what I'm getting at. They look goofy. Huge shoulders on the leather jacket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're cutting beautiful silhouettes. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:38 All these guys. But yes, if they had me up against the wall in an alley, I'm like, yeah, I'm not telling them to fuck off or anything. If they were across the street returning Girl Scout cookies to someone who left them, you'd be scared. I think what Shaw means is they look like they're wearing suits they bought at J. Riggins, which they were. Or merry-go-round in the nicer area of merry-go-round. The night wear, you know, going out on the town. But then if you met them, you'd realize those guys will kill you immediately yeah they're
Starting point is 01:27:06 all psychopaths like everyone that whole crew just all they do is murder am i my brother's keeper yeah yeah yeah it's just not good pick it's called new jack city you why you could have just said wait they were in new york yeah or new jersey i assume it's just it's i remember watching and just being like oh because like i hadn't seen it in forever and i was like you know what's a good movie sneakily new jackson yeah i remember watching him being like this is not a good movie but i love this movie yeah chris rock that might be some of the best chris acting Chris Rock movies. It's great. Ice-T is such a badass. Yeah. And What's His Fuck is so bad. Oh, he's
Starting point is 01:27:49 the other cop? The white guy, the partner, the other cop? Yeah. God, he sucks. It's not a black or a white thing. It's a death thing. Yeah. Who is it? He's wearing those circled 90s glasses. It's Judd. Oh, it is. Is it Judd Nelson? Yeah, it's the kid from... Nick Peretti. Yeah. Oh, he's psycho too, right?
Starting point is 01:28:05 Yeah. He's always like getting in people's... When that old man kills Nino Brown and he falls off, and Ice-T just puts his sunglasses on, like, you know, turning. Yeah. And John Nelson's like grinning, like, yeah, ha-ha. Yeah, he liked it. Like he walked off in a man's death.
Starting point is 01:28:21 It's also that part where they're walking through the party, the first time you see Ice-T, and he's wearing that Kangol with the locs on and two girls. Yeah. Man, that's like the coolest looking dude. Just that three seconds right there. Yeah. That's like the coolest looking dude. It's a cool movie.
Starting point is 01:28:35 Before he even takes over the Carlisle, he walks into a hip hop club and a man just hands him a bottle of Red Star Moette with a straw in it champagne straw we should all be so lucky oh man champagne straw they were really doing it they had that jeep yep yep that jeep was hard as hell oh yeah that jeep was hard as hell and spike lee chasing down pookie originally that that scene is like spike lee's like, or not Spike Lee. Not Spike Lee. Ice-T's like jumping over fences. Yeah, God, that scene is cool. Because a lot of people forget my man Ice-T, a gymnast.
Starting point is 01:29:13 Was he a gymnast? He was a gymnast in high school, yeah. Also, a fucking, was it Green Beret, I think? At Crenshaw High School, too, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he was a Green Beret. Some elite military. He'll throw a lot of curveballs at you, that Ice-T.
Starting point is 01:29:24 He's an orange room. Yeah, he threw them all. Final level. lot of curveballs at you, that Ice-T. He's an orange room. Yeah, he threw them all. Final level. I can harp on how great I think Ice-T is. We might have to do an Ice-T bonus episode. We're going to draft Ice-T. Dude, he's one of the most interesting guys. He used to be Rob Choolery's... Anyways.
Starting point is 01:29:35 Yeah. Yeah, New Jack City's a great movie. New Jack City. That's a good pick. I'm going now with my fourth pick. God, I'm really... There's a movie I'm really tempted to take. Do you think I'm going to take it?
Starting point is 01:29:46 No, I don't. I just don't know if it's a bad movie and I don't want to take it. Maybe I'll save it for the fifth round. I got one on here
Starting point is 01:29:53 that might cause some controversy in the fifth round. In the, but in the fourth round, I will take the motion picture. Fuck, you don't want me to take it? I don't care.
Starting point is 01:30:04 I'm taking Draft Day with Kevin Costner. I haven't seen it. I like that movie. Yeah, I did too. I watched it on a plane. I was like, whoa. It's a great plane movie. It is.
Starting point is 01:30:16 It is. What's the plot? Kevin Costner is the GM of the Cleveland Browns. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. A story that needed to be told. It's like shitty Moneyball. It's like the shittiest version of Moneyball.
Starting point is 01:30:28 I already get it. I already understand. It's fucking God. I like that kind of movie. I literally watch it to be like, the challenge is how do you make owners and coaches of football teams, how do you make me give a fuck about how you choose players? Those are literally like the bad guys yes oh that's owners are oh the nfl owners notoriously are the worst
Starting point is 01:30:51 never more so than now oh my god we were at we were at uh the nfl honors i had to go to the super bowl for work this year we went to the uh nfl credentials went to the nfl where are your credentials at all times these fucking people for i learned two one i learned a term from british people about like people who have like shitty jobs where they have some modicum of power yes so they use it to scream at you oh right they call them jobsworths jobsworths uh and then uh so these. Jobsworths. That's great. And then, so these guys were fucking screaming at me,
Starting point is 01:31:27 but we were on the NFL honors red carpet and I was with James's parents and they were, James Gordon's parents and they were interviewing people on the NFL honors red carpet and James's dad is bald
Starting point is 01:31:36 so we were trying to get football players to kiss his head for luck, which is the wrong group of athletes to do that with, by the way. Sure. A lot of,
Starting point is 01:31:43 a lot of homophobia. A lot of what you think. Just sort of coded in to, by the way. Sure. A lot of homophobia. Just sort of coded into some of these guys. Sure. Including Jerry Jones, who came by and we were like, What did you think was going to happen? Have you told Shane? I haven't told him. I'm going to tell him.
Starting point is 01:31:58 Shane's hero is Jerry Jones? Shane sucks, man. Shane really sucks. So you sure brought Shane to try to kiss Jerry Jones in the mouth. james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james james't gonna get in trouble yeah so he didn't but then he grabbed james's mother and he was like but i'll kiss her though and like what yeah motorboat and james corden's well not a teddy but like okay i think that
Starting point is 01:32:36 sounded i'm sorry you know what face motorboat is almost worse yeah that's way weirder yeah because then it's like what he just kissed her a bunch of times? Yeah, and he was very charismatic about it. She was like giggling and loved it. But I was just like, whoa, he does that a lot. Yeah. I'm sure he didn't say like, may I please? Is it all right if I kiss you? No, he was full.
Starting point is 01:32:55 He was like two scoops of Arkansas ass. Yep. Yeah. Whoa. Draft day, though, dude. The less you know about football, the better it is. Yes. It's a guess.
Starting point is 01:33:09 I know nothing. It's a great point but it was still yeah fucking how are they gonna make you give a fuck and they do and they came pretty close they do kevin costner could do it if anybody i know i love kevin costner in a sports movie i just some sucker for it it's it is more than any of these other movies we named this one is bad this one is worse than any other movie on this list it makes you feel good yes the ending of that movie is is very satisfying you won't believe this even in stormy weather kevin costner lands and i was thinking about that today i kind of fucking love kevin costner i don't do because he's like he's like america's awkward guy there's no carrie's awkward he's like but he's like an outsider like we all want yeah like ray canella we all want to be like yeah yeah you watch like you watch silver awkward he's like but he's like an outsider like we all want to be yeah like Ray Cannella
Starting point is 01:33:45 we all want to be like yeah yeah you watch like you watch Silverado he's like this he's like the kid he's like a fucking
Starting point is 01:33:51 jumpy ass young cowboy who's quick to shoot people and shit but he's like a sweetheart you watch that he's like ah he's a jumpy little kid in that one
Starting point is 01:33:59 so long ago and like now and that he's like a football coach yeah but he'll get he's a weird movie star because he'll get punked in his own movies like Field of Dreams he's like a football coach yeah he's a weird movie star because he
Starting point is 01:34:05 got punked in his own movies like field of dreams he's getting punked left and right yeah yeah kevin costa rules man dance with the wolves filmed in south dakota no neither here nor there but okay cool dance with the wolves sean time for your fourth pick uh my fourth pick is going to be so marky mark had to make it in. Wow. And he's in two movies that I want to pick. Wow. I'm not quite sure. Mark Wahlberg.
Starting point is 01:34:30 Yeah, Mark Wahlberg. I've been in his home. I know you have. So I'm going to pick Fear. Okay. Mark Wahlberg's Fear. I've never seen Fear. The infamous fingering on a Ferris wheel.
Starting point is 01:34:43 Oh, yeah. Wait, what? There's like 30 Bush songs on the soundtrack. He gets fingered on a Ferris wheel. Oh, yeah. Wait, what? There's like 30 Bush songs on the soundtrack. He gets fingered on a Ferris wheel? No. He fingers someone. That's been in his contract forever. That will never happen to him on a Ferris wheel.
Starting point is 01:34:54 No, he will not. No, he fingers Reese Witherspoon on a roller coaster in Seattle. Oh, roller coaster? Who was a Ferris wheel? Yeah, it could have been the Ferris wheel. Fingering on acoaster is way different. You're going from R-rated to X. There isn't even a rollercoaster on the pier.
Starting point is 01:35:12 There's a Ferris wheel. The big old Ferris wheel. You're right. Oh, man. Finger begging on a rollercoaster is hilarious. Mark Sark is this like... Like, babe, want to get blasted on the mind eraser? He's this creepy dude who ends up stalking Reese Witherspoon.
Starting point is 01:35:26 And there's tons of problematic shit with the movie. But it's just a movie I saw at the right time where I felt edgy for watching it. Well, it's not problematic. He's a psycho. But I mean, she's 16. He's 22 or something. Also, movies can depict bad things. It's about the dynamic between him and the dad
Starting point is 01:35:41 who is the guy from CSI. The original CSI guy. There's that scene in there where he... God, what's he say? It's probably why your wife's all over my stick or something. I'm like, whoa, Mark. He's pretty crazy. That's a tough swallow.
Starting point is 01:35:53 Yeah, they end up being fucking lunatics in the movie, like a lot of death. Okay. Yeah. And it's one of those where you just... It's a thriller. Yeah. It's not a good movie, but I'm like, I think it's fucking great. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:04 It's definitely one for me. I thriller. Yeah. It's not a good movie, but I'm like, I think it's fucking great. Yeah. It's definitely one for me. I imagine. Yeah. He does Nicole Forever on his chest in ink. Oh, then he beats his chest to make her think his dad beat him up. Oh, he beats his own chest? Yeah. What year is this?
Starting point is 01:36:20 96. 96. So this is early Wahlberg. Yeah. This is one of his first movies, I think. Oh, okay. So he is early Wahlberg. Yeah, early. This is one of his first movies, I think. Oh, okay. So he's like young. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:27 Yeah. And he's just such a good lunatic in that movie. Yeah, he is. And he's also like a good, good boy, too. You believe him in the beginning, kind of. Totally. But then you're like, yeah, wasn't he like, he's 20-something? She's definitely not even a senior in high school.
Starting point is 01:36:41 Yeah. And of course, the dad. And the bad part where you're just like, in the real world, absolutely not would this dad let his daughter ever see this girl even once. And the dad even meets him and is like, all right, go out with David, see how you're doing. Why would that be the name you gave him? Huh?
Starting point is 01:36:57 Oh, is that the character's name? Yeah. Oh, I thought you were just fucking him. I was like, damn, dog, you're just making up, what? The movie's tagline was, lie down with dogs and you'll get up with fleas. Lie down with David and you'll be lucky if you get up at all. I don't like this. Are you serious?
Starting point is 01:37:14 Yeah. Also, what a long tagline. That's a long tagline. Someone wrote that while hungry and angry they weren't breaking for lunch yet. Fucking here. This movie has nine taglines, though. I don't know how accurate I am. He's dying to date you.
Starting point is 01:37:31 He's dying to date you. By him, I mean David. Can we just cut that? No. There's one of them just, every David's a fucking psycho. David's a fucking psycho? A lot of these are teenagers. David's all suck. Guess who's fucking your daughter?
Starting point is 01:37:52 David. You guys, this is a lot of bad. And your daughter's a teenager, and David's not, and David's psycho. This one's too wordy. Bad press for me. I'm starting to think these taglines were written by somebody else and weren't an actual part of the movie, because here's the other ones, okay? With boyfriends like this
Starting point is 01:38:06 enemies are the last thing you need. Boyfriends named David. Who needs enemies? This fairy tale couldn't get much worse. And then this, okay. He wants to make you his in the worst way. Together forever
Starting point is 01:38:21 or else. The attraction was obvious. The danger wasn wasn't these are all made up attraction infatuation desire love all caps fear oh dude this is the last one guys like him don't grow on trees or even swing on them but he might just hang you from one. Are you serious? Yeah. You're not making that up. What? No. He's not a monkey, but a lynch. Yeah. What do they say? I don't even know.
Starting point is 01:38:51 That shit was done in a call center in India. The agent. That had nothing to do with the. The agent of the writer calling him and being like, here's. Okay. The good news is they bought the script. Bad news is they don't want to use any of your taglines. And they want to change the title from Fear David to just Fear. Why?
Starting point is 01:39:11 Fear? How do they know what it's about? Look, man, we won the battle. Just take the check. They're going to call whatever they want to call it. It's called Fear David. You could be afraid of anything. David sucks. it it's called fear david of anything david sucks the name of the script is david sucks
Starting point is 01:39:30 you guys are gonna see david sucks chad we all know that david fucked your wife and now she's chad she's david's wife you can't call this movie david sucks man that guy fucked my wife he's trying to fuck my daughter. David sucks. Oh, they said it. I love it. They said it in the movie. They said it. I love it when that happens.
Starting point is 01:39:49 That's the best. Yeah, here. Excellent. David, time for your fourth pick. Oh, man. My fourth pick. I got to tell you guys, it pains me like deep to do it to him. I know.
Starting point is 01:40:01 I know what you're doing. Because this is one of my favorite movies of all time. I know what you're doing. Yeah. It got an 18% on favorite movies of all time. I know what you're doing. Yeah. It got an 18% on Rotten Tomatoes. And I understand in the grand scope of cinema that it's a bad movie. But you know what?
Starting point is 01:40:16 I love it. And I'll probably watch it every three months until I die. What am I doing over here? Fucking belly. What am I rubbing? Belly is a great... You see me rubbing my belly?
Starting point is 01:40:25 Yeah. That's fucking you. Mike Williams. I knew you were going to do that. That movie sucks. It's great, but it sucks, dude. It's so good, though. It's beautiful.
Starting point is 01:40:33 It's so blue. It's so shitty, man. It's so blue. It's so shiny. It's so blue. So blue. So much weird shit. Like, they just, like, in the beginning, when they bust into the club and they're shooting
Starting point is 01:40:44 at the club owner, when you watch it, club and they're shooting at the club owner, when you watch it, the way they're shooting their guns is just like, oh, Yosemite Sam. It's ridiculous. Everybody's got a giant desert eagle. But also, I love this glove. You're going to wake up Kisha. DMX?
Starting point is 01:40:59 Oh, yeah. You guys thought DMX was it? Was that Earl Simmons? Do you want Kisha to go down here? My favorite part of that movie is when they're watching Gummo in DMX's house and like his all white everything
Starting point is 01:41:10 monochromatic house does he have a white pool table or a black pool table I think it might be white with black white okay I was gonna say white pool table's bold yeah wait a minute. He was the guy
Starting point is 01:41:26 in the Will Smith video driving in summertime with the white steering wheel. Oh. That's right. We found him. That steering wheel goes full circle,
Starting point is 01:41:35 my friend. Red threads on that fucking cork board. 365 degrees. One guy. 360 degrees. Eating anything with barbecue sauce.
Starting point is 01:41:44 Ruined your whole house. He had white M&M's made, this guy. I just wanted Eating anything with barbecue sauce. White M&M's. He had White M&M's made, this guy. I just wanted you to do your DMX because you got a really good one. That's why I was trying to do it. Oh, now I can't think of a good. Shorty can't eat no books, dog. What? You got to do what?
Starting point is 01:41:58 You got to wake up and do it. He was like, I ain't a bitch. You a bitch. And DMX says, uh-huh. That shit was so like, that scene was so like like like that's just that scene was like so like yo he's gonna make this kid kill this kid yeah and when he's watching gummo i didn't know gummo was a real movie when that shit comes up i didn't know it was a movie until years later when somebody was like oh it's funny how they're watching gummo in that yeah i just thought it was
Starting point is 01:42:20 a weird i never noticed that yeah dude wow yeah the scene with the rabbit rabbit and that little kid oh because i always thought you okay i always thought it was really weird movie. I never noticed that. That's wild. Yeah, the scene with the rabbit. Rabbit, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that little kid. Because I always thought, okay, I always thought it was really weird. I thought Hype Williams just made that part to put in that movie. Yeah. And I was like, this is fucking, what is this crazy fucking fake movie? That's next level crazy shit. Yeah, I was like, that shit, yeah. Even putting Gummo in it, it's a bold choice.
Starting point is 01:42:42 Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what always bugged me about Billy? Gum it, it's a bold choice. Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. You know what always bug me about belly? Gummo isn't really an enjoyable movie. Not at all. You can argue
Starting point is 01:42:49 whether it's good or bad. I can't imagine. Gummo makes you feel weird, dude. Yes, it does. Gummo's gnarly, dude. So that part in belly, they always make the Midwest look like shitheads.
Starting point is 01:42:58 They got the dude, the one dude from Omaha who plays Kane in Menace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's eating a banana outside of his shop. He's like, about to drop the dime
Starting point is 01:43:04 on them fools. So they're painting him like a snitch. He's eating a banana outside of his shop. He's like, about to drop the dime on them fools. So they're painting him like a snitch. He just looks like a coward. And that's their one version of the Midwest. Omaha was like the place they went.
Starting point is 01:43:13 They were like, look at all these dumb country idiots. We'll go out here and sell them all a bunch of fucking drugs. Major city. I'd pay off my house
Starting point is 01:43:20 these fucking idiots. We're gonna film here. Fuck you guys. Omaha's also full of gangs. It is. Yeah, I mean. Best part of belly? Fucking Method to film here. Fuck you guys. Omaha's also full of gangs. It is. Yeah, I mean. Best part of belly? Fucking Method Man, dude. Oh, Ike Love?
Starting point is 01:43:30 Yeah, easy. When he's in the strip club and he's like, Get up on some bitches! He's in a strip club wearing orange camo with a desert eagle on him. I didn't know you could blow up the spot that big. I'm going to Portland on Friday. Maybe I'll wear orange camo at a strip club. That'll be great. You great you got to get the hat i think it's a great idea just don't bring
Starting point is 01:43:48 the uh the massive handgun two desert eagles i think you think the guy with all the face tattoos that the sassies won't be too kind i'm a giant desert eagle i'm walking in with they pat you they found that gun oh my god dude never heard from again no no that guy'd probably fucking bring you in a different room and be like, hey man, where exactly did you get this? Like, do you know who I know?
Starting point is 01:44:07 He'd be into it. Yeah. Well, that guy likes me from talking balls, so I think I might be okay. You know, I talked, we're going off on a,
Starting point is 01:44:12 if you're ever in Portland Strip Club sassies, this dude looks gnarly, like he's fucking, like he was in a secret place. He's secretly nice. I've talked to him a couple times, and if you don't come at him with an attitude, if you don't come at him with an attitude,
Starting point is 01:44:23 you don't show up drunk. I mean, you know, if you don't show up drunk with an attitude if you don't come at them with an attitude and you don't show up drunk I mean, you know if you don't show up drunk so we got T-Boz, Method Man Nas, DMX that's it Sean Paul is in it Sean Nepal
Starting point is 01:44:39 that Jamaican dude that Jamaican guy is my favorite the boss? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The original Don Dada. Smoking an insanely large blunt. Huge blunt. So huge.
Starting point is 01:44:53 Just watching soccer. Yeah. I could use a subtitle for that guy. Yeah, for sure. Because when I hear it in the car, I'm like, come again? He's the toughest Ross Clot Jamaican. Don't bring scared business to his house. Yep.
Starting point is 01:45:06 That's what he says. That's what he says. And then he says, we're all going to have to watch all these movies together. I watched the game Jamaica, and then DMX says, Jamaica is good. Jamaica is very good.
Starting point is 01:45:14 There it is. Yeah. It works. Yeah, I love Belly. I've seen it. We had free cable when that shit came out, so I've probably seen it 50 times. Matt Bronger,
Starting point is 01:45:22 time for your fourth, and then your final picks. Okay, so I might do a four and five? Yeah i forgot okay so all right uh fourth i'm going commando oh yeah what's your pick though put your underwear back on bro oh hey it's such a good movie it's so bad commando and i mean it's so bad I love it. It's such a perfect 80s action film. That steel drum theme. Do you hear how hard you got in right there?
Starting point is 01:45:53 My dad and I, my dad would take me to see every Schwarzenegger movie and every James Bond movie that was like our thing. Right. And that one, I remember watching it. It's a good thing. He breaks that guy's neck on the plane and then jumps off the plane as it's taken off into a marsh. And then he sets his watch, because the plane's going to land in this amount of hours.
Starting point is 01:46:08 He has that much time to find his daughter. Sure. And my dad, he set his watch, and I remember my dad going, like, ah, nice. Which is like, okay, cool. He's got that much time. He didn't say nice, but it was something like that. Like a ticking clock. He's like, that's a solid, yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:21 Well done. Good plot device. He just shoots everyone. Yeah. He's like that's a solid. Yeah. Well done. Good plot device. He just shoots everyone. Yeah. He's like ridiculous body. He's got his haircut like Colossus, who was always my favorite X-Man. He does like that. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:34 That's a straight up Colossus. Straight up Colossus cut. Yeah. It's just like, you know, the villain is not in great shape, which I love. And he's somehow fighting. Yeah. They used to get away with that. A five time Olympian. They could do that back then. And he's somehow fighting a five-time Olympian.
Starting point is 01:46:45 They could do that back then. Yeah, because he had an Australian accent. You know? And if he did enough. And the line is just like, the guard is just like, you ever cut a little girl's throat? Like putting a knife through butter. And then the guy goes over to the fucking badass.
Starting point is 01:47:00 He goes, you soldiers sound real tough talking about cutting little girls' throats. They make me laugh. If Matrix is here, he'd laugh too. And it's like, Bennett and Matrix are both bad motherfuckers. Yeah, right. And they laugh at other soldiers.
Starting point is 01:47:18 They're like, yeah, you got a gun. I'll fucking murder all of you. I'll kill you anyway. Matrix. And it's like, John Matrix. Bennett is literally bored. He's like, I just want to fight you anyway. Matrix. And it's like, Ben is literally bored. He's like,
Starting point is 01:47:25 I just want to fight this dude. Yeah. You know what? Matrix gets him to put his fucking gun down and knife fight him. Sure. Talks him into it.
Starting point is 01:47:33 Yeah. That's pretty much what I want to do. Why don't you put your gun down, you coward, and fight me with a knife? Yeah. And he throws a tube through him
Starting point is 01:47:40 that skewers him and the steam comes out. It doesn't blow. And he goes, let off some steam Bennett that's right it's so dumb manly I love it it's the most action
Starting point is 01:47:52 movie of all the 80s action movies more than like Terminator is like a good movie it's like an actually good movie you know the first Rambo actually good movie the other one whatever whatever but like Die hard an actual good movie actual good movie this one though is the
Starting point is 01:48:08 most action movie the quips the fact that it's fucking John Matrix how oily and dirty he is the whole time yep he's fucking it's amazing Radon Chong's in it yeah is that Chun-Li? Cindy in the movie Radon Chong I'm just trying to think who it is Tommy Chong's daughter oh gosh really yeah the love interest you movie, Radon Chong? I'm just trying to think who it is. Tommy Chong's daughter.
Starting point is 01:48:26 Oh, gosh, really? Yeah. The love interest. You ever seen Radon Chong? I was thinking of a dude, a completely different person. All right, so Commando, and then my fifth and final. I wrestle with this one. It's my last, because it's not necessarily bad, but it is. I hope you're going the way i want you to be going
Starting point is 01:48:46 teen wolf oh what yeah people say teen wolf is bad it's one of those things it's just so insane that he's a fucking werewolf yeah his dad is a werewolf and there's a dude in the movie who's constantly fucking with him who knows he's a werewolf. He's still just like, oh, yeah. He knows he's a werewolf. He's just like, yeah, you're a loser. It's like, I will murder you. I'm a werewolf. I will tear your head off.
Starting point is 01:49:12 I'm a wolf, bro. Don't you understand? Like half the time, I'm a wolf. I'm doing backflips on top of a moving van with my buddy. Here's how you know it's a bad movie. There's a woman named Boof. Yeah, Boof. Okay, anyway, go on.
Starting point is 01:49:23 But it's beautifully perfectly 80s. Michaelf. Yeah, Boof. Okay, anyway, go on. But it's beautifully, it's beautifully, perfectly 80s. Yeah. Michael J. Fox in his prime. The football, or the basketball coach is one of the greatest characters in all of filmdom. Yeah, Coach Finstock.
Starting point is 01:49:35 Because he's a coach who doesn't care if they win. And he says that to them. He's like, hey, it's, you know, you know, win or lose, we all had fun. Winning doesn't matter. Like, no coach can say that. No. And he has all these amazing lines. He has his line where it's like, hey, it's, you know, you know, win or lose, we all had fun. Winning doesn't matter. Like, no coach can say that.
Starting point is 01:49:46 No. And he has all these amazing lines. He has his line where it's like, he's like, you guys want to know the secret to life? And I'm going to butcher it. Someone can say it from memory, I'm sure, out there.
Starting point is 01:49:55 They'll get at you. But he says, never, like, never date a woman with a rose tattoo. Never play pool with a guy whose first name is a city man you stick to that the rest is cream cheese that's solid that's all he says to these kids that's my advice for life i'm not playing dallas and pool he's so i forget the actor's name but
Starting point is 01:50:16 he's so funny minnesota fats cincinnati red these were sharks can't play those guys. These were sharks. Yeah. But like, and yeah, so yeah, that's the shit that makes it. See, now that's a good, that's a good pick because I wouldn't have thought of that. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:50:32 And you're right. So it's fun to be like, to step outside the box a little bit because I always looked at Teen Wolf like, that movie's great, but I never dove in. It's an 80s classic, not a great movie,
Starting point is 01:50:43 but I love it. It's about a teenage wolf. Yeah. That is a wild premise. That love it yeah it's a teenage wolf yeah that is a wild even even in the 80s when i was a kid and that movie came out i was like are you fucking kidding teen wolf you're like that was like an snl sketch the whole way to the theater you're like are you fucking serious paying for your ticket you're fucking kidding me you can't be fucking serious so So this movie is going to actually show right now. This is bullshit. What are we fucking doing here?
Starting point is 01:51:10 Dad, give me that Diet Coke. What the fuck are we doing here? It starts. Yeah, right. He changes. That was the first movie I showed on it. I won't be leaving. A great tradition.
Starting point is 01:51:22 That's a solid pick, man. Hell yeah. David, your final pick. This big man is a big hit from my child. It wasn't be leaving. A grand tradition. That's a solid pick, man. Hell yeah. Thank you. I like that. That was a good sleeper. David, your final pick. This pick, man, is a big hit from my... It wasn't a hit. I think that maybe we just got it on VHS from a Goodwill one time, and I watched it all
Starting point is 01:51:35 the time, because people have told me, have argued about the existence of this movie. It stars Glen Campbell. 1992 hits Rock-A-Doodle. Never heard of it. No one's ever seen it. 1992 hits Rockadoodle. Never heard of it. No one's ever seen it. I know Rockadoodle. I saw Rockadoodle. No one has ever seen that. It's about a rockabilly rooster.
Starting point is 01:51:53 Yeah, it's got like a 20% on Rockadoodle. Is it animated, I just said? Is it called Rockadoodle 2? Ah! I just smashed the damn mic on the table. That was such a good joke. Nobody would have been mad at you. It almost feels like they made Rock-A-Doodle 1 just to make Rock-A-Doodle 2.
Starting point is 01:52:09 Rock-A-Doodle 2. Rock-A-Doodle 2. Rock-A-Doodle 2. Did I break my mic? No. No, man. Okay, good. Boy, Axl Rose would be in a lot more debt if that's how you broke him, Mike.
Starting point is 01:52:19 I'm sorry. Rock-A-Doodle 2. More debt? What do you know? I have no idea. Is he in debt? Is Axl doing okay? I don't... Man, there's a picture of him and Mickey Rourke, and they both look like Shane, and I think
Starting point is 01:52:28 you sent it to me. Did you send it to me? I don't know, man. It was definitely in the group thread. I think I did. They look like... Yeah. Anyway.
Starting point is 01:52:35 He played Chanticleer. Yeah, he played Chanticleer. Chanticleer, it's about a rooster on a farm who crows, and then the sun sun comes up but then he goes to the big city because his voice is so beautiful and the farm is plunged into darkness and this little boy has to go back and get chantecler from the city and get him to get the sun to come up or the owls will take over the farm it's an acid dream but i used to love that i remember I remember Rockadoodle. And he was like an Elvis type. So he was like, my daddy taught me how to sing, and that's why this voice means everything.
Starting point is 01:53:11 And then the rabbits are like, sun don't shine, you better shine. And he's like, better shine. It was great. That sounds awesome. Yeah, it's great. I checked that out. It's crazy. It was the people who made like an American tale,
Starting point is 01:53:21 and like all bugs go to heaven and shit. But it was like their B-side. Yeah, yeah. I remember that. Was it DreamWorks? Who made it? No. Way before DreamWorks.
Starting point is 01:53:31 It was like fucking Dog. I don't even know. Maybe. Because yeah, they did do all those because it's very much in the vein of those
Starting point is 01:53:37 other movies. It was those, Don Bluth was the producer so it's one of those non-Disney movies from the 90s. But those were cuts though like Five-O-Goes, like American Tale and All Dogs Go to from the 90s. But those were cuts, though.
Starting point is 01:53:47 Like, Five Will Go's American Tail and All Dogs Go to Heaven. Oh, yeah. I mean, I am a four-time guy, yeah. They were all really dark movies, though. Because even Five Will Go's West is a super dark movie. Yeah, for sure. And Rock-A-Doodle is also very adult themes, a lot of it. Like, the trappings of fame and whatnot. Sure. Yeah, rockadoodle i love that movie so much and people 21 on rotten tomatoes
Starting point is 01:54:12 that's crazy i feel like it's because nobody saw it yeah it's it's upsetting some of these and i know we did it already but some of these movies like bad boys got like 19 or some shit or bad boys too oh it's fucking wild anyway that we did that a while ago but I don't want to rehash the past. I already killed someone thinking about that. Damn. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:54:29 Sean, time for your final pick. Let's rehash that. Final pick is going to be Cruel Intentions. Oh. Yeah, that's a good one.
Starting point is 01:54:35 Shout out to Adam Neuroth. We used to watch that all the time. Yeah, I know why. We'd just sit and watch Cruel Intentions. It is,
Starting point is 01:54:43 for whatever part in our lives we were at, it was dope we're like yeah he's a stud uh joshua jackson's in there oh yeah sarah michelle geller selma uh blair yep fucking uh reese witherspoon she's been in two of my movies yeah yeah it's just it's such a ridiculous ridiculous movie i watch that movie now and I'm like, who the fuck can relate to this? What the fuck is this? It's the same
Starting point is 01:55:12 movie as Dangerous Liaisons, but like now. Which is based on what the fuck is the book? God damn it. Les Liaisons Dangerous. Yeah, something. Someone who knows the classics that's listening that's angry at me right now. I don't know. Yeah, it's one of those you can nobody can relate to it you're just like oh man new york looks dope and like look he's got a driver's license i didn't even think
Starting point is 01:55:33 that shit looked dope dude it like freaked me out because he was trying to bang his stepsister i'm like that was another where i'm like whoa and then that was another movie where they did a line of blow i saw that for the first time, and they were like, Brazzers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sarah Michelle Gellar, she kisses that with the spit. In Not Another Teen Movie, when they parody that, and there's just so much spit in between that old lady and... The funny part about the parody in Not Another Teen Movie is it wasn't even...
Starting point is 01:56:01 They didn't even really change it. That's pretty much exactly how that scene went. Like, they're just sitting on a picnic for some reason, and Sarah Michelle Gellar is dressed like she's on the run from the law. Yeah, so weird. She has those giant shades on. Giant shades. And yeah,
Starting point is 01:56:17 she's like, I want you to remove your tongue and massage my tongue with yours. You're like, gross, dog. I understand that's how you do it, but figure it out. You don't say that. You don't let me know. No one says that. One of the, gross, dog. I understand that's how you do it, but figure it out. You don't say that. You don't let me know. No one says that. One of the great Jews, Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Starting point is 01:56:31 We were very excited. I didn't know she was Jewish. Gellar? Sure. Brought misfoot in everything. I never knew. I never know. I know all the Jews.
Starting point is 01:56:38 I get taken to school every time. In the wrong hands, my brain can be very dangerous. Oh, yeah. Cruel Intentions, man. It should not be good, but I love that movie. If it's on, it gets watched. And that placebo song in the beginning is in a Mark Appleyard part and a flip video
Starting point is 01:56:51 years later, so I love it for the soundtrack as well. Skateboarding. Skateboarding. Final pick. The Entourage movie. I knew it! I knew it! I thought you were going to. He got it fifth. A second ago.
Starting point is 01:57:09 So a second ago, I was looking at my phone because there was a few and I saw that and I saw Cruel Intentions and I was like, fuck, because I forgot about both of those. And I was going to, we'll talk about it, but I was going to pick it. But yeah, that was one of three that I was going to pick for my last one. It's so bad. I don't even think it's good. It's so awful. My last two picks are straight up bad movies. But this one is especially bad. It's just a series of cameos.
Starting point is 01:57:27 That's fine. It's just a bunch of cameos. But I like Entourage so much that I have a soft spot in my heart for it. Was Ronda Rousey in the first one or the second one? This is the movie she was in. The movie. Turtles trying to fuck Ronda Rousey. It is bro comfort food.
Starting point is 01:57:43 The TV show and the movie. That's bro Kit Kats. Turtles trying to fuck Ronda Rousey. It bro comfort food yeah the tv show in the movie that's bro it's bro mac and cheese yeah oh man it is that's also what bros call each other some macaroni and sleaze dude that's what it is one of the favorite things that uh uh bobby bottle service nick kroll's character ever so it, yeah. It was a favorite actor. Definitely Vinny Chase. Like, not even a real guy. We've never seen him act. Fucking he showed us what Aquaman could do.
Starting point is 01:58:13 He knew. Yes, he did. Isn't that crazy how that movie- Biggest movie of all time. Biggest movie of all time now. All time. Yeah. Global man. Fucking nuts.
Starting point is 01:58:21 Aquaman. Wait, really? That movie also sucked. I thought you guys were kidding. It is seriously? No, no, not the real one. Oh, isn't it close, though? Vinny Chase's. All right also sucked. I thought you guys were kidding. It is seriously. No, not the real one. Vinny Chases. But the real one.
Starting point is 01:58:29 It did blow up. It's not the biggest movie of all time. It did do huge. The new one sucked. I didn't see it. That'll be one when I'm on the road and it comes up as an option to watch on a plane.
Starting point is 01:58:45 I'm watching that fucking movie. That's perfect for a plane just for the colors. We'll get to watch some of this TV with a lot of marijuana. Yes. It looks very pot friendly. We're a big Jason Momoa household. I do like Jason Momoa a lot. Me too.
Starting point is 01:58:57 That is a handsome beefcake, dog. My mom keep calling him, we're at the movie, and she'd lean over. She'd be like, Jason must have been so cold. He's in water or whatever. She'd be like, Jason must have been so cold. Like he's in water or whatever, and she'd be like, Jason must have been so cold. You fucking sit down, Kelly. Yeah, keep it together, Kelly. You are 60.
Starting point is 01:59:16 If I was only there to hold him. Yeah. Fucking Jason. It's only the 57th biggest movie of all time. That's still an accomplishment. That's saying something, dog. Yeah. all time That's still an accomplishment That's wild Oh wait 20th all time worldwide
Starting point is 01:59:30 20th That's still a major accomplishment Good for you Jason Good for our friend Jason He really needed a win Jason Jason Mabroa Jason Mabroa Is he married to lisa but yeah
Starting point is 01:59:48 yeah he is yeah man those are gonna be some kids i didn't even know you could do that holy crap carol carol was at my wife was at uh his snl when he was oh yeah yeah and she's like she's like lisa bonet is so fucking oh god oh yeah you don't have to tell me that but it's that thing you know it's always like where it's like it's like when you see someone up close oh yeah holy shit i saw rupaul in in hollywood one time it was like like even if i didn't know it was rupaul i would have been like who's that somebody yeah like he was like it was just like it was like a whole presence it was crazy yeah like you understand why like something special about that one yeah wild everything all right with a knob sean yeah just over here over here on the ones and twos two and a half hours of the episode as we go that's a bad practice i don't know what i do and i don't know that's possible i'm always i always check it to see if it's still recording
Starting point is 02:00:41 and i'm like oh you got to what am i gonna do can't waste this gold nah entourage movie dude we can't waste the discussion i think the first line in the movie is johnny chase going i might even i might have to jerk it before we even get there when they're on that wooden speedboat that i didn't know was real and they're going to vince's yacht with like 50 girls on it and it's just vince's song isn't a crazy song playing too uh yes it's uh like a steve aoki joint yeah it's gotta be like edm one isn't vince like he's producing a movie where he's a vampire dj or some shit yeah yeah yeah in that movie huh didn't zach efron make a vampire dj movie he made a dj we are your friends all right actually yeah him and emily ratajkowski and west
Starting point is 02:01:23 bentley i think It was weirdly okay. Yeah. That could have been on here for sure. Yeah, for sure. That definitely could have been on here. The second-run DJ movie. There's so many. But it wasn't. No, it wasn't.
Starting point is 02:01:32 The Entourage movie was, and that wraps up the All Fantasy Everything Best Worst Movies Draft. What do you think? Just to quickly recap, Matt Bronger, you went first. Favorite part right here. And you took Roadhouse, Top Secret, Love Actually, Commando, and Teen Wolf. Stepdad's Weekend with the kids. All right, Matt Jr., I got your whole weekend planned out for you.
Starting point is 02:01:52 All set. Love Actually is like that Saturday night movie where it's like, Matt Jr.'s asleep on the couch crushing bonbons. This one's for dad. David, you went second. You took Armageddon, House Party 2, Hook, Belly, and Rock-A-Doodle. Nice. Sean, you went second. You took Armageddon, House Party 2, Hook, Belly, and Rockadoodle. Nice. Sean, you went third.
Starting point is 02:02:08 You took Con Air, Over the Top, The Program, Fear, and Cruel Intentions. These are good. I went last, and I took Bad Boys 2, Fire City Blues, New Jack City, and then Draft Day and the Entourage movie. Dude, you're true. You're true to yourself over there. Fucking A. They were all wild lists.
Starting point is 02:02:29 I like you. Those are two I'm like, I'm betting the future's on those. Still all over the place. I like that Sean's last two took a weird dark sex turn. Yeah, they did. Didn't see that coming. That three-hour massage class got them all worked up. It's hard having a boner in front of 20 people
Starting point is 02:02:44 knowing you can't do anything about it until after you go to the lego movie too yeah right that's we love some good ones on the board uh rock star with marky mark that was my other oh is that a that's a good movie objection objectively national treasure yes that's on mine the adventure code ninjas oh shit surf ninjas fast and the furious volcano friday after an x exit wounds oh friday after an x is good yeah junior i had junior oh yeah junior uh i had i had pumpkin head even though it's one of my favorite horror movies but it's a great great i love monsters it's like a great horror movie it's like you watch it you're like this is way better than i thought it would be everybody i show it to says. Then I had some questions that I didn't want to,
Starting point is 02:03:26 and I don't want to spend too long on this. Is Rounders a good movie? I think it is. I don't know. I think it's a good movie. I don't fucking know. I don't think it's a bad movie. I think it's good.
Starting point is 02:03:35 I think it's good. It's tricky. It's compliment. Same guy who created Billions. That dude writes good shit. Isn't that Damon John Chiturro fucking Edward Norton? It's good. It's a good movie. I think it might be a good movie, man.
Starting point is 02:03:50 Is Boiler Room a good movie? No, it is not. That movie sucks. That's the one with Vin Diesel, right? Every window in Glendale, you want to keep going down the road, you're going down. I'm surprised none of us drafted that. I know.
Starting point is 02:04:05 That's what I'm saying. I almost took it. It's a nice, enjoyable movie to watch. You know what Boiler Room is? Glendale Gary, Glendale Ross. Ladies and gentlemen, there it is. There it is. Here's this final question.
Starting point is 02:04:19 And this is, I almost should have brought up at the top of it. Is Scarface a good movie? No. Whoa. It's not, right? It's great. And it's not, I don't know how we of it is scarface a good movie no whoa it's not right now great and it's i don't know how we should i feel like everyone's on their heels this whole and now everyone listening just fell over what is scarface is it a bad movie i don't i kind of it's kind of a look it's pure fucking pulp i've never thought about it but it's it's totally bananas and nuts and makes no sense and kind of fits what we're talking about here. You know what, though?
Starting point is 02:04:46 You know what, though? It is. I wouldn't say it's bad. Well, Brian De Palma. It's also about the Coke trade in Miami. You can't like. So it's got to be insane. Yeah, you can't lay that out.
Starting point is 02:04:55 I'm not going to say it's bad. Okay. That's why I brought it. I didn't pick it. But it could have been drafted for sure. I didn't pick it. I just wanted to bring it up for discussion. When you hear those stories about like we were making 30 grand a day and you're like,
Starting point is 02:05:04 if you really were, then I guess that's how that movie has to be. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The house has to look like that. They were running along the razor's edge. Yeah. They had to fill it. Walking along the razor's edge.
Starting point is 02:05:15 You fucking take it to the limit, bro. Don't even start. Push it to the limit. That one lyric where it's like halfway through the song, and it goes, welcome to the limit as if you were at the limit yeah it's like you thought you were there tiger and you're like you finally went and bought the white shoes to go with the white linen pants so welcome to the limit push it to the limit now yeah anyway that's what i'm glad okay okay so yeah that's it's tricky yeah yeah
Starting point is 02:05:42 uh to rock around that's right on time. That does it. Great job, everybody. Thanks for having me, guys. Of course. Matt Baronga. Check out Finally Alive in Portland. Yep. Check out Advice from a Dipshit with Matt Baronga.
Starting point is 02:05:53 Please do. Check out his tour dates. If he's coming to anywhere near you, go see it. Shout out to everyone on the Patreon. We got a watch along coming soon. We do. We do. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit.
Starting point is 02:06:03 Shout out to super producer marissa she's the best shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude uh haven't said this in a while i want to say it uh entourage ballers succession and billions may the rock be with you and also with you yeah there we go perfect you make the holy cross of course yeah we might have to succession is like actually a good show oh so you might have to Succession is like actually a good show so we might have to yeah Billions is pretty good too they're all good shows
Starting point is 02:06:27 they're all good shows I think that's maybe the point that we're making yeah so shout out to all those people shout out to we want to make sure
Starting point is 02:06:35 you send yours to us yeah keep everything coming in yeah on Twitter hit us up allfantasypod allfantasypodcast at gmail.com
Starting point is 02:06:42 and more important than all that tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything Shukla He! That was a HeadGum Podcast.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.