All Fantasy Everything - Black Actresses (w/ Dulcé Sloan, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: May 9, 2019The GVG is joined by comedian/friend/Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan to draft "Black Actresses." Get into it! Episode Guest:Dulcé Sloan @DulceSloan IG: @DulceSloanSuppor...t Sean Jordan's new album, The Buck Starts Here!iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-buck-starts-here/1458542287Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Buck-Starts-Here-Explicit/dp/B07QCX277DSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
The podcast that, uh... Oh, the podcast that, I'll tell you this, on the drive to work this morning...
This is a little bit of a yarn, but it's real.
I'm ready. You?
I leave the house, and I left with ample time, so I'm taking my time.
I'm having a leisurely Monday drive to work.
And I noticed behind me coming up from behind one of those short,
like a white short bus driving like pretty erratically.
Right.
It's like,
and I'm like,
Oh shit.
It was on the freeway.
No,
this was on,
this was like on Glendale surface streets.
Okay.
And a school bus.
Yeah.
But a short,
like a short,
but not even a school bus.
It's white and it's like short senior citizen citizen like senior citizen bus yeah okay and it's driving
kind of erratically and like uh and like it goes it zooms past me and then like i'm trying to get
into a left turn lane it wedges its way into a left turn lane like really forces its way and i'm
like all right i'm glad i'm behind this guy you know and he like goes and then takes a turn onto a different street that I'm not going down and uh I'm like all right that's
the end of it and I keep driving uh towards work like and then a couple miles later I see him again
and it's a street it's like three lanes of traffic going one way and then there's a parking lot to the right. It's on Glendale here in Atwater Village.
And he goes around and drives through the parking spots
and hops a curb.
Really?
Yeah, to get around us.
Dulce, the bathroom's the other way.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have so many doors.
It's right there.
It's right behind where the tv is
it's a jack and joe bathroom i'm sorry if i have dirty clothes in there
that's awesome
that's hilarious
oh my god i love it who's that man Dulce walked in on this guy. Oh, my God.
I love it.
Who's that man?
Who's that man?
I was like...
Whoa.
Dulce walked right into Zach's room.
And Zach being the weirdo that he is,
probably he's just going to keep laying there.
Maybe he thinks it didn't happen.
That's so tight.
Anyway, this bus is so like...
It hops a curb and goes up
and like goes all around all the traffic and then cuts in again and then cuts in another lane and
again i'm like pretty far behind so i'm like yeesh that's definitely the same guy from earlier this
guy's on a mission and uh we keep i keep driving towards work and then a couple more miles down
the road just as it happens i see him in front of me again and there's two lanes i'm in the right
lane he's in the left lane and a car in the left lane that's two cars in front of him is turning left you know going
across traffic so they're waiting and the bus is stuck behind them and i you know one car i'm like
behind a couple cars those two go by them and i'm like next and as soon as like like i'm going by
the bus veers into my lane of traffic like in a way where I have to slam on my brakes hard and like,
like yank my wheel or else I would have slammed into this bus and like
brakes screeching.
I stop and I look over and the guy driving this bus is probably like 70.
He's like a 70 year old fat dude.
Like,
you know,
like Armenian guy from Glendale and he starts screaming at me
in english yeah in england but like he's like screaming at me he's like watch where the fuck
you're going and i'm like you watch where the fuck you're going i didn't slam on my brakes you
piece of shit you know and uh are you guys out of the car no no we're in our cars okay but we're
yelling at each other i'm like you know what whatever i'm in a good mood i'm gonna keep going
and he starts following me oh he starts following
me in this bus after he almost hit me I didn't even do anything I just like yelled at him I
didn't even yell anything I was just like watch where you're fucking going something like that
and he starts following me and we eventually get to the stoplight and uh I I you know he honks at
me a bunch and I just throw up my hand like, what? Like that. And then he throws a handful of pennies at me.
Somebody did that to my mom.
They threw a bunch of stuff
in my mom's car one time.
He threw a bunch of coins
at my car for like no reason.
And then he pulls up next to me
and like pulls out
one of those batons
that's like electrified.
Uh-huh.
Like a taser baton.
Like a catapult?
Like a catapult.
Like an Anton Chigurh
no no that's like a bolt rifle
I don't even know what that word means
it goes like click click click
you can tell it's like electrified
and he's like I'll fucking kill you
and I was like I'm gonna call the police man
the tasers don't get you
the pennies don't get you
the taser will
what's he gonna do toss The taser will. He's like, I'm like, I'm going to do. Toss the taser.
Oh, yeah.
Like cash.
Go, go get.
I'm going to call the cops, man.
He's like, good.
Call the police.
I'll kill them, too.
Then I'll kill you.
This guy is living.
He's got nothing to live for.
And I'm like, what?
He's 70.
He don't fucking care.
And driving a bus for some reason.
But crazy.
Was there anyone in the. were there passengers in the bus?
No, there was nobody in there.
There was no one in there.
Was there any signage on the bus?
No signage either.
Little tight stick.
No signage.
That's even scarier.
And like.
There's nothing on here saying to identify me, nothing, how's my driving.
And then he, I think, realized what he said.
And then like peeled off, drove into oncoming traffic,
like crossed them, they had to slam on
their brakes, and then he goes like left on this
other street, like to get out of the way.
And I was just sitting there like, what the fuck
just happened? What do you think the,
was that like 10 seconds?
Was that like 30 seconds? From when he
threw pennies at my car? From when you
slammed on the brakes to when he turned, what do you think
the time frame was? Oh, eight minutes. He followed
me for like a long time. Maybe like
five, six minutes. From pennies to
turning. What was the timeline there?
Eight minutes, probably. Something like that.
He followed me for like a long time. Had plenty of time to cool
down. Never cooled down.
And also, like, he almost got into
a wreck with me. I didn't even do anything. He like,
what time of the morning was this?
That's kind of early to be crazy.
That's crazy to be.
Everybody knows you don't throw pennies before noon.
No, that's a post-noon thing.
And pulling up an electrified baton.
It is in the Geneva, yeah, we all signed it.
It was fucking crazy.
Versailles, actually.
It was Versailles.
It was ratified in Geneva.
That and the Magna Carta.
Magna Carta, Holy Grail.
So that's how my...
It's amazing I'm in this place with you.
Just can't crack the code.
I don't know this reference.
You don't remember the Jay-Z, Magna Carta?
One day you're screaming you love me loud.
Jay-Z, Justin Timberlake.
The next day you're so cold. It's this song. One day you're here. It was in thatZ, Justin Timberlake the next day you're so cold
it's this song
one day you're here
it was in that commercial
oh yeah I hated that song
yeah no it wasn't good
it was a weird album
it was bad
it was in like a sprint commercial
or some shit
it's that kind of podcast
that kind of podcast
for shit
that's how I started my week
not just my day
we gonna bind that up
in the name of G
oh my god
that's my brand
see that's when
you know like the devil's working.
You're out here having a good time.
You're trying to live your life.
I've been going to therapy, and I've been really working on myself and everything.
Everybody I know is in therapy right now.
It's good for you.
I'm really liking it.
I think it just means some of my friends have money.
I got money.
I've had money.
I've had money, and I'm just not going to therapy.
You've never been broke.
No.
You don't wear...
Nah.
Uh-uh.
Well, I mean, there was like a 10-year period between like 20 and 30 where I didn't really
have a lot of money.
Didn't have a lot of money or broke.
I've been with you.
That was one of the things.
There were a couple of years where I was broke.
Yeah, I was around.
There were.
Before I started working for the Blazers doing TV stuff, there were like a couple of years
where I was like pretty not sleeping at night.
But I don't think I need to talk about my monetary accolades.
Or lack thereof.
I heard you started buying real silver, baby.
I started buying some stuff.
Real silver.
You know.
You got a guy.
I got some shiny shit.
Out here shaking for cash cash the envy of every crow
in my neighborhood
they can talk you know
or kitty cat
building a nest
or kitty cat
man
oh why are we
talking about money
oh therapy
oh so I've been like
trying to like
really not get angry
in the car
because there's no reason
for it
and like why spike my blood pressure.
Then here comes this guy tossing pennies at the whip.
If there's ever a reason to get angry at some dude holding a taser, like, I'll kill you.
I'll kill you.
I'm like, whoa, baby.
So you're going to have to shock me for so long.
I'll tell you, I've tased.
Thick piece of beef like you?
I'm thick.
I was just going to say.
I bet you I could hold a taser to your neck.
Wag you.
For 30 seconds. I was just going to say. I bet you I could hold a taser to your neck. Wag you. For 30 seconds.
I'll take it.
I've tased myself and it doesn't, like, it shocks you, but if you're pissed enough, you
get right past it, man.
I mean.
Listen, the wildest thing I've ever seen somebody getting tased, I was at a tattoo parlor in
Gainesville, Georgia, because I'm out here living.
There it is.
And they have one of those cattle prod tasers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Those things are real.
Yo, if y'all let you tase me
for a full minute can i get a full back piece and they were like what because they had a shirt they
would give people to tase them and there was holes in it yeah so they were like two minutes and he's
like run it two no no right big guy little guy thin dude. Right? And they're like, okay.
And somebody goes, we can't tase him for two minutes.
We gotta kill him.
I'm like, all right, minute and a half.
He's like, fine.
And so.
That math, I don't know.
I wouldn't trust myself.
Listen.
It ain't real, man.
He's like, all right, let's go.
And I'm standing there.
I was probably like 22, 23 at the time.
Were you getting a tattoo?
My homegirl was getting, I was getting my foot touched up and I think she was getting something too.
Okay.
And they were like, all right, let's go.
And I said, hold on.
Can you take his daughter out of his arms, please?
She doesn't need to see this.
Also, I know how electricity works.
Oh, he was going to.
If he gets tased holding somebody, she's also going to get tased.
Yeah.
You're not going to prove yourself a fit father that way.
No.
No, that'll come up.
And I see who the mother is.
Both of y'all can't be trusted.
Oh, no.
And they were like, what do you mean?
And I was like, if he gets electrocuted, she's going to get electrocuted.
They were going to do it.
What do you mean?
Why am I explaining this?
I was like, take the baby.
And the mother's like, and I see the mother go the mother go oh yeah so this bitch can't be trusted right
oh no i mean she's already she had a baby with this man and she was pregnant
coming in they're all they're all born just born on mountain dew right
so they give him the shirt and he's like nah I'm good and so they hold it to him
and somebody times it
solid minute and a half
and they take it off
and he goes ha ha and they're like what
he's like oh I get tased all the time
you know how many times I've been arrested
and I'm like y'all gotta sit in
so now they've already agreed to give him a full back piece
and then the guy was like we gotta start asking more questions
no
I don't know if
you do that feels like what that's not gonna happen twice they were set up though that's i mean
okay so it's about the clientele of a tattoo parlor here's what that's what i'm saying so
this story started out to me with shirtless man as a villain no no he had a shirt on they were
gonna give him another shirt.
So he didn't get a hole in his shirt from getting tased.
And he's like, nah, I'm good.
I'll wear my own shirt.
What I'm saying is this whole thing came around the horn
to now he's kind of the hero.
Because he's taking down the man.
The tattoo parlor man?
Okay, maybe.
I'm not excited.
Maybe I'm excited.
This might be a story with no heroes.
This might be a story.
It might be just.
I think Joel says the only hero in this story.
Because I saved a child.
And a con, con, a con.
I mean, he redid my foot because like,
because like, that's not important.
He gives a fuck.
But it's
everybody was going to let him get tased holding
two year olds. That's crazy. People think they
want to see shit and then they start seeing it and you're like
I bet you they ought to have been real quick bummed
they'd be like a two year old's shaking like that
you don't want to see that shit. You're going to get a baby epilepsy
Is that how you get epilepsy? Or a super power
That might be one of the reasons
I doubt it. What you're going to turn Mountain Dew
into a glow stick? She wasn't what she was going to turn Mountain Dew into a glow stick she wasn't
the baby was going to glow in the dark
these people live off wick
she's 50% juicy juice and peanut butter
at all times
why is it only juicy juice
because it's actually 100% juice
oh
it's like
that's the rumor
it's like how you can That's the rumor. It's like how you can get.
Sean doesn't believe in juicy juice.
I mean, you ever had juicy juice?
Is this truth there?
This whole time you're fucking friends.
Go out there and squeeze an orange in your glass
and then go drink some orange juicy juice.
You tell me that there's no sugar.
They don't make orange juicy juice.
That's true.
It's only weird.
It's like cherry.
It's weird flavors.
It's cherry and fruit juice shit.
Like it's mixed fruit.
I've been just as broke as a motherfucker drinks. It's not 100% real. It's weird flavors. It's cherry and fruit juice shit. Like it's mixed fruit. I've been just as broke as a motherfucker drinks.
It's not 100% real.
It's just not.
It's more than minute made.
White ghetto Jordan.
I've been saying it for years.
David's convinced me.
Sean grew up in a white ghetto.
I've been in denial about it.
I've been saying it for years.
I didn't.
White ghetto?
Have you listened to his friend's names and how many people they've shot?
That's not. Give me some names
Yeah Sean
Adam, Micah
No you fucking liar
Give me the real names
Oh man it's all Dirt Doogie
And fucking Double Revolver
Fucking
It's all crazy
They're kids that I knew.
They weren't like my friends.
Oh, okay.
Now these niggas was your friends.
You was the one talking about you was a criminal.
South Dakota.
Don't deny the shit.
I still am.
I just got out.
They don't, they don't just let you out of the gang.
You'll say you have to leave South to fucking Kona.
I dipped and when I go back, they know.
It's not like branches of a sorority.
No one's checking up on you.
No one's asking you for dues.
I got my ass kicked. I'll tell you that.
I've always felt. I've not
always felt. I feel like this was not sanctioned
by the Crips. I feel like a bunch of white dudes
just decided
to go down to Grape Street.
They won't know what you're talking about.
They haven't heard about this particular one.
They didn't hear about Gary.
Have y'all heard of the South Dakota Crips?
Hey man, if you get the fuck up out of here.
It's like an independent franchise.
It's like going to a Jeff in the Box.
Like a McDonald's.
We still got two tacos for 99 cents.
What do you want?
It's like there was a Crip here got two tacos for 99 cents. What do you want? It was like,
there was a Crip here once.
You'll stop through.
No,
they're welcome to Jeff in the Box.
You want some twirly fries?
Twirly.
Twirly fries.
Somebody sell that.
Somebody. Anybody who listens to this. Someone will sell it. Someone's got to make some twirly fries somebody sell that somebody anybody who listens to this
someone's gotta make some twirly fries
oh boy
that one got me good
dude do you know how store brand you got to go
to get the twirly fries
twirly fries
it's twirly fries and then it's just
marshmallow mateys
cheese flavored crumbles
yeah my mother never purchased these we used to have Dr. Thunder and it's just... Marshmallow mateys. Cheese-flavored crumbles.
Yeah.
My mother never purchased these. We used to have Dr. Thunder.
I remember Dr. Thunder.
Dr. Thunder's great.
Dr. K's delicious.
Don't fuck around.
Mountain or Morning Drop
or something like that.
Morning Dew.
Did you guys ever have three liters?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We had three liters.
It was only generic.
It was like...
No, Fanta came out
with a three-liter. Really? It. No, Fanta came out with a three liter.
Really?
It would be a Fanta pineapple
and I.
So everybody from Colorado
knows,
shout out to King Soopers.
I used to get the pineapple
three liters from King Soopers.
Man, pineapple three liters.
They were always too much.
I had to mix it with water
because it was too much.
No, you got to cut it.
You got to cut it.
Even as a kid,
that stuff is too much.
I remember being 10 going, should we be doing this?
Looking at my mother going, what are we doing?
It's crazy because pineapple soda just-
Did you suck this out of a dune buggy?
You're for sure not supposed to pour it down the drain if you don't drink it.
That's true.
There's a dead plant in the backyard from where a cup got spilled. Pour it on concrete. if you don't drink it. That's true. There's a dead plant in the backyard
from where a cup got spilled.
Pour it on concrete.
Fuck my lawn up.
It gave you cat diabetes.
Pour it in the street.
Like deer drinking antifreeze.
Because it's so sweet.
Pour it in the street.
Put that on my fucking lawn.
We're gathered here today in the fortress.
Not only to talk about spilling Fanta.
No, that's why we're here.
That's why we're here.
We're here.
Sean S. Jordan is in the house today.
What's happening?
What's happening?
Sean S. Jordan on Twitter.
Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on the gram.
What?
More of those out there.
Just to say a little something.
Oh, they coming for your boy?
Yeah, there's a lot of them out there.
You're verified, homie.
There's a lot of blank cougar blank melon blank
blank cougar melon blank
blank cougar melon blank
Get verified, dog
You say that like it's just this easy
No, they actually, for Twitter, they actually have like a form you can submit
because that's how one of my friends did it
I don't read, I don't get verified
I don't do TV
You were just watching basketball
I will not perform on television.
It's a personal choice.
Oh, okay.
You know I would.
I don't know why you're mad at me.
Listen, personal choice.
Something beyond your control.
You know, potato.
There we go.
Potato twirly fry.
Potato twirly fry.
I have the foggiest idea when we're going to put this one out.
I haven't either.
Probably like three weeks from now.
So what do you got coming up this summer?
I will have just released an album on April 26th.
Sure, tell them about it.
Go purchase that.
It'll be on iTunes and everywhere else.
Spotify.
The buck starts here on a special things record.
You can buy it now.
The buck starts here on a special things record. You can buy it now. The buck starts here on a special thing records.
Get into it.
Yeah, get into it.
And that's it.
I don't know.
Go to Faded every Friday.
If we have, though, yeah, Faded every Friday.
Man, Mike's going to kill me.
Yeah, go to Faded every Friday.
We might have the tour dates out by the time this comes out,
so we'll put a little drop in there if we do.
So, yeah, just, you know.
A little tangling.
Dulce Sloan is in the house tonight.
Hi, guys!
I'm finally back, bitches!
Wonderful stand-up comedian from The Daily Show as well.
And I think AFE listeners will remember you most fondly.
And I'm just going to let you guys know, she's drunk as hell.
All the spirit.
You're the highlight Of our very first live
All Fantasy everything
Listen
I'm gonna vindicate myself
Because when y'all did
The All Fantasy draft
All Fantasy everything
Y'all tried to come for your girl
Talking about my cereal choices
Was goofy
Peach num nums
Fuck you
Because
Nobody
Nobody
Brought up the fact
That Shane Torres
For his cereal choice
What did he take?
Said caramel popcorn.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that.
Y'all are coming for me hard body.
Did he say?
I come back in the bathroom.
This fool said caramel popcorn.
He's like, oh, like you get it in the three thing.
Yeah.
That is.
Then you pour milk on it.
Is that what he said?
Did he say milk on it?
Yes!
God, he...
You know, he just got mad at me.
The job is coming for me, for King, vitamin, and O's.
Because you picked Ellie's cereal so we could fathom you.
We could hold you within our brains.
Shane did such a wild, stupid move that we had to not think about it.
I forgot.
It would occupy every second of our lives.
He gave you a poverty all-star choice and your brain couldn't accept it.
Exactly.
Because he said and looked in everybody's American Christian face and said that he pours
milk off a carob of popcorn.
By the way.
Uh-uh.
He does not.
I've seen him.
Two Jewish faces in that crowd.
As a kid he said he'd do it.
As a grown man.
Yeah, you have to grow out of that behavior.
I'm thinking the most heat for that draft because I took grape nuts and people will still, they won't let me forget about it.
That's insane.
Because no one knows what they are.
I love them.
You can just go step on some gravel, put some glass in there.
That's what they are.
Take a piss on it.
No, you eat them up.
I've been saying this for you.
Do they hurt your teeth?
Not if you eat them up.
Not if you have strong teeth.
It's hamster food.
Gifted to you by the Jewish God.
Listen.
Hallelujah. I do now
After I had a
Freaking root canal
I'll tell you that
That's right Sean
Got a root canal
Oh look at you
In shirts
It was the worst
Yeah for real
Dulce what do you got
Coming up
Where can people
Check you out
Like in sort of
The May June July
May June July
Well I'm going to be
At the Arlington Improv
May 17th
Oh hell yeah
Yeah
Absolutely And then I'm going to be At Skanklington Improv May 17th. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
And then I'm going to be at Skank Fest June 21st through the 23rd.
Got to be.
That's in New York City, right?
Yes.
Then Ozzy Fest July 21st.
Where's Ozzy Fest?
Hmm?
Where's Ozzy Fest?
In Nueva York.
Got to know going to Nueva York for that one.
August, I'm going to be at Dead Crow the 16th and the 17th.
Beautiful.
There in North Carolina. And at Bumper Shoot. I'll be at Bum the 16th and the 17th in North Carolina
in Bumbershoot
I'll be at Bumbershoot too
is it like an outdoorsy thing?
the comedy is indoors for the most part
I'll be there too
are y'all doing a show?
I am for sure
I'm just going to come chill
we might do a few separately in Seattle
so yeah man
fuck with Dulce.
Fucks with me. I'm doing shit.
I'm on...
As much as
people who want to introduce me on stage
want to say this, I am not on The Daily Show
every night. That's Trevor.
That's the only one.
I'm on sometimes.
They just throw Every Night on there.
People are like, you see her every night on The Daily Show people are like you see her every night on a daily show
no you see Trevor
every night
on a daily show
because it's a daily show
with Trevor Noah
it's a sometimes show
with Dulce
she's on
we don't know when
Dulce Sloan
she's been on there
she will again
Dulce Sloan
add Dulce Sloan
on Twitter by the way
add Dulce Sloan
on Twitter
add Dulce Sloan
on Instagram
add Dulce Sloan on the Dulce Sloan on Twitter, by the way. Add Dulce Sloan on Twitter. Add Dulce Sloan on Instagram.
Add Dulce Sloan on the Facebook.
Cross-platform.
I don't know who's still on Snapchat.
Who's over the age of 16.
Some people are.
It's annoying.
Some people.
I don't know.
One of my friends would only send me messages on Snapchat.
And I'm like, you have my phone number.
Text me.
That's a weird move.
That's a weird move.
My mom would call me on WhatsApp.
And I'm like, if you do this again, I'm not answering the phone. The Brits love WhatsApp. Yeah. Oh God.
In Africa too. I didn't know Americans. When Laura's
out of the country or some shit that'll be WhatsApp
and I'm like I gotta download it every fucking two months.
It's cause you can text without it being like. You can text
and call and it doesn't. Yeah. It just is
data. It's like it's like I have friends
like in the UK. There's not like international rates.
Yeah who will hit me up. Yeah I get it.
David Bowie. Rounding out our group today. Yeah, who will hit me up. Yeah, I get it. David Boyd,
rounding out our group today.
Yeah.
The GS Island on Twitter.
My calendar is weird.
Don't you have a website?
Don't even joke about it.
Yeah, go to
officialdavidboyd.com.
There you go.
I'm having some confusion
with my calendar.
There you go.
Because you're booked and busy.
You're booked bad and busy.
Yeah, man.
That's it.
Keep your sparkling eyes
on his twirly fries,
you know? That's all we got to say. You your sparkling eyes on his twirly fries, you know?
That's all we got to say.
You got to sing your album, Twirly Fries.
Twirly Fries.
Man, I got to copyright that.
I might got to make a move before this drops.
Well, you got three to four weeks.
Okay.
Yeah, dude.
I don't know why they're not a thing anywhere.
That's a great idea.
It's like when you get wings from that one, like those frozen wings, but they spell it
with a Y.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wangs.
Oh, I only eat wangs.
Wangs.
With an A?
Yeah.
And a G?
And a Z?
Past tense.
My name is...
I like my wings from the past.
No, they're wangs.
That's their bones now.
They're wuzzings.
I'm Ian Carmel.
A. Ian Carmel on Twitter.
Eddie and Carmel on Instagram.
Eddie and Carmel on Jewish...
23andMe.... 23andMe.
Jewish 23andMe.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yo, speaking of 23andMe, my uncle just found out he's 36% Ashkenazi.
Hell yeah.
Damn.
Tell him to come hang out.
If he wants to come to Portland for Passover, we'd love to have him.
Hey, man, I think he's still reconciling with it.
Okay, well.
Wait, I thought you were Jewish.
My mom is Messianic. Oh, that's what I knew. But my mom and my uncle have with it. Okay, well. Wait, I thought you were Jewish. My mom is Messianic.
Oh, that's what I knew.
But my mom and my uncle have different fathers.
Okay.
His dad's white.
There you go.
Well, his dad's Anasazi.
30% Ashkenazi.
Ashkenazi, yeah.
What is Anasazi?
He's the trickster god.
Oh, I thought you were.
No, that's Anansi.
Who's Anasazi?
Isn't that an African spider in a movie?
That's Anansi.
Anansi, yeah.
Anasazi, that could just be a cool name. movie? That's Anansi. Anansi, yeah. Anasazi.
That could just be a cool name.
Yeah.
That's why I'm going to start calling him Zach.
Yeah, he seems like Anasazi.
I can't believe he walked in.
Tulsa, you met him.
He had clothes on?
Yeah, of course.
He could have not.
That's the first thing I was like, damn.
What position was he in?
Well, he was facing his bed and he had headphones in.
So I was like, oh, no. Was he on facing his bed and he had headphones in so I was like
oh no
was he on the bed
no he was standing up
he was just standing up
facing the bed
he was looking at his phone
or looking at something
he's in there making moves
he's charging
yeah
what
not his phone
he's charging himself
yeah yeah
he's in sleep mode
yeah
he's only in sicko mode
and sleep mode
he's got two things
he stands up for both.
I was about to get to vindicate myself for that cereal shit.
No, you're out here because we're friends.
Yes.
I just needed...
Listen, I know I was very drunk on that podcast.
So was I.
We were all drunk.
I had four different alcohol things up there with me.
I was recovering from quite the Molly evening,
drinking Pedialyte with booze in it.
That was also the first time... Molly evening was on my birthday two years ago. I've had a with booze. That was also the first time.
Molly was on my birthday two years ago.
I've had a few of those.
That was the first time I ever did Molly.
Well, first and only time was the night before that.
So we were all in.
Molly.
We were all having a time.
I've moved past it.
I've closed that chapter of my life.
Well, that's good.
When I saw you on my birthday,
you scared the fuck out of me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was dressed like the devil.
Yeah, I was going to say that.
That was the point.
Just going around dressing like the devil.
What?
No, I was joking. She doesn't fuck with the devil. Oh, you dress like the devil. Yeah, I was going to say that. I was going to point, just going around dressing like the devil. What? No, I was joking.
She doesn't fuck with the devil.
Oh, you're dressed like the what?
Dressed like the devil.
I scared you.
I was dressed like the devil.
Oh, I get it.
Ah-ha.
It's not that.
Well, look, I mean, spending more than half a second on it clearly makes the joke stupid
and ridiculous.
It's so bad you can just say it and move past it.
I heard you was Jewish.
A hundred percent, but I'm missing everything.
Look at God work. Yeah. work come on y'all wait
that was fun
we're gathered here today in the fortress
watch the late late show
come see me at Bumbershoot
look out for those anti-tour dates
we're gathered here today not just to
look at God work but also
I like watching God work.
Won't he do it?
No, he always.
Also, David, what are we drafting?
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
God.
We're drafting black actresses.
A call which I privately vetoed.
Because I thought it would be weird
for Sean and I to sit here
and draft black actresses.
It's going to be weird.
And I made Sean do the dirty work.
No, you did not.
Sean did and then...
I just did.
It's not going to be weird at all.
I know it won't be.
If you could draft solid dudes,
which the best part was
Shane misunderstood what you were doing.
Oh, yeah, he did.
He meant like...
Shane was thinking like
who is hard to the touch.
Roberto Duran.
What?
What?
The guy who killed the horse?
The guy who punched the horse.
Yeah.
That is,
that is that one.
This also lets you know
I do listen to this podcast.
You do?
You do?
That's for real.
That's for real.
Tell everybody about it.
Yeah, that is a deal.
Yeah, you text me sometimes
and I'm like,
oh, man, that's so nice.
Remember I sent you,
when I was in New Orleans
I sent you that
picture of pancakes
for the table
yeah
your girl did it
it's a good move
it felt good
we're dropped
to black actresses
which I'm cool with
Sean was being
a little weird about it
no you vetoed it
let's talk about it
that was me
no
it was me
because you didn't
think it would be good
to recognize black women who've done good work?
Is that why you thought it was weird?
Ian Carmel.
That's right.
I'm one of those guys.
Heel turn.
After all we've been through.
After all the cereal we've ate together.
What our peoples collectively have been through
what crown heights just passing it back and forth
that seems like a volatile situation
I think it is
I really think it is
I just learned about that recently
that shit is wild
I did a play called Fires in the Mirror
as my senior thesis
and the premise of the play is
so there was a limo full of I don't know how to say it's full of, I don't know how to say, it's Lubavitch.
I don't know how to say it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like hardcore Orthodox Jews.
Popovich.
Greg Popovich.
The car full of Greg Popoviches.
Right, just Lydia Popovich in a car.
And so they're Orthodox Jewish rabbis.
The limo driver goes over the curb and hits two black kids on their bikes.
Oh.
So the kids are pinned underneath the car.
There he goes.
Hey, buddy.
So the kids are pinned underneath the car, but the Orthodox ambulance gets there first.
And they can't help the kids.
By their law, they can't help the two children.
And they're like less than five, both of them.
Oh, my God.
So they can't help the kids out.
And by the time the real ambulance gets there, the kids die.
Jesus.
That sounds like a play, man.
Yes.
And so the whole thing is it's, I just had her name and just jumped out of my head.
And so it's.
Anasazi.
No.
It's, I just forgot her i just that was a quick i know all it's a one woman show yeah and there's 25 characters so i did 14 of them but like one
of them was like al sharpton the other one was like an orthodox woman and then the thing is
these rabbis were from australia oh interesting so when like the
court date comes they just pop back to fuck her australia oh wow and they hidden like the orthodox
jewish community in australia yeah oh my goodness so one of the guys in the car is like the 70
something year old like australian rabbi yeah so like he was one of the characters that i did and
then i did like i think that guy tried to tase me earlier than that. He probably did. Because you know he can't be trusted.
That's heavy. That's a heavy play. Right.
It is. That's too much. Watch that and then
watch Fiddler on the Roof to just kind of wash
your mouth out afterwards. Oh man, our favorite
thing to do was to be, me and my mom and my brother would be
in the grocery store at two in the morning getting
ice cream, singing If I Was a Rich
Man.
Picking out Blue Bell ice cream. Man, that is good ice cream. All day long Bluebell ice cream.
That is good ice cream.
All day long, it's ice cream in my
tum, if I were a wealthy
man. Also,
what is it, FIFO?
Were y'all talking about FIFO one day? FIFO Goes West?
I love that movie. What's the one before that?
The American Tail.
There are no cats
in America.
They could have found a little more one jacket that fit.
You a mouse.
They were so poor.
I get it.
They were poor as mice.
I get it.
I get it.
You could have got a little more doll clothes.
He'd have looked like Barbie.
I mean, his titties would have been sitting.
Listen, we're drafting black actresses.
Ian Carmel is not racist.
Nope.
Jury's out on Sean Jordan.
Fuck, man.
You know I get nervous.
Don't say look back like his ex is still back there.
I'm going to include him.
The way we determine the order of the draft
is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors
played between the three of you.
We'll throw on shoot.
Here we go.
David's shooting up.
We go rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Damn it.
Oh, David Bowie wins.
I have to go first.
Okay.
Because she was going to get taken at some point.
Okay.
You got to pick everyone, though.
I'm going to go me.
I'm going to go cat.
Okay.
No hot corner for you today no i'm going
david e and sean dulce okay so hot corners me and dulce okay i don't know what hot corner is that's
for the best i'm not this is not a hot corner topic for me i could i'm gonna do my best you
know so the hot corner so when it gets to you then so you'll you're gonna choose your first
and then you're gonna turn right around and pick your second. Well, I swear we had a way
to explain that. It's like a serpentine.
I fucked that up
the last two weeks. I'm sorry, guys.
What kind of draft is it?
We already determined the order, but since
he did, I would like to
remind everyone that it is a serpentine
draft. And what is that?
That's a great question. Thank you so much.
I haven't been on here for a long time.
I haven't been on here for two days. It's like a really good question. I haven't been on here for two days.
It's like if you're in the grocery store and you have one of those
giant brooms and you're pushing it all the way
down one of the aisles and you go past like all the hot sauce
and the soy sauce and the ketchup. I have a good job. I can't relate to this
analogy, but go ahead. You never worked at a grocery
store? I did, but I was bagging.
You never had to do a fucking spot
mop or anything?
I ran. I ran. I had to do multidisciplinary. or anything? Are you serious? I ran.
I ran fucking high B.
I had to do multidisciplinary.
I worked at the New York Style Deli.
I worked at the Cheese Island.
I worked in produce.
A lot of times you just go, I'm a girl, and they get you out of a lot of shit.
Well, this is what you had to do if you had to mop the fucking floor.
So you had to go all the way down past like the hot sauce ketchup, soy sauce, all that.
And then you turn around at the end of it.
And then you come back.
You go past like the pasta, the taco shells.
You go past like the canned chili, the SpaghettiOs the all the international islands south dakota yeah yeah yeah right
if you're really trying to listen i was out there set trip and i was too busy to go to nice restaurants
so then you go to the next aisle and then you go past like the baby food the cat food the dog food
the light bulbs and then you kind of turn around at the end because one of those big
giant brooms. And then you come back, you go past like the forks and the Tupperware
and the, and the jello and the, like the cake mix and all that. And then you turn around
and then you're in like another aisle and then you go past like the oranges, the bananas,
the apples.
So you're not done.
You're not done. You gotta do though. You gotta go back and forth the whole store.
And then once you get-
This store has a produce aisle.
Produce aisle. Well, it's kind of like produce row. So you get like,
you go past all that
and then you turn around
and then you go past like the salads
and like the fruit,
the fresh fruit,
pre-made Sammies.
You get like the ranch
and the mayonnaise after that.
The high quality.
The chilled salad dressing.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, they're in the same,
they're not in a freezer,
but they're in the same aisle.
Chilled salad dressing is much better.
Got to.
Like the chilled ranch,
order about a salad,
much better quality.
You know how there's two ranches?
You know how there's like the one ranch that is trashy but good
and then there's the other ranch which
is like putting on airs.
I think there's ranch dip
and there's ranch dressing.
Okay. One of the ranches
at the Whole Foods
house at the salad bar, they switch the kind of ranches from one
to the, you know, tether.
And the new one
sucks. Do they go dip to dressing?
They want dip to dressing or they want dressing to dip.
I don't know. I know I like the cheap one.
You go, you know, tether.
Yeah.
So I've been twisted up about that for a while now.
I'm gonna laugh at you for that.
That's an economy of words.
Yeah, thank you.
It was just tight, you know, tether.
One tether.
David Borey, you are on the clock.
You have the first pick in the Black Actresses
All Fantasy Everything draft.
Before we get to that pick, let's take a short break.
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And we're back!
All right, David.
Y'all still slaying squatty parties on the internet? Fucking what were y'all selling? And we're back! Alright, David Boyd.
Y'all still slaying Squatty Potty's
or internet fucking
what were y'all selling?
I don't know.
We'll see.
We'll see.
Yeah, we just slaying.
Yeah.
We're selling
we're popping the trunk.
We're selling
John's album
out of the back of it.
The box starts here.
Yeah, the box starts here.
David Boyd,
Tom P. Ward.
That's not gross.
You're trying to go
ball it out the trunk.
I get it.
His first actress I first noticed her in a common video that was the first time no a.i maybe the
welcome to a.i maybe actually the first time i noticed her was in baby boy i'm not sure you
but she's gone on to have an illustrious career.
She used to... Man, I just...
I'm so thankful
for her from Washington, D.C.
Taraji P.
Henson!
Get at your boy!
She can do bad all by
herself.
I love Cookie Lion.
I love every fucking thing she's done.
I love Taraji P. Henson.
I love how Empire is just if Hustle & Flow is successful.
Empire is that.
Joe, Terrence Howard thinks that shit is a documentary.
It's so good.
Do you know he's the reason, she's the reason he got that job?
I believe that.
Because he's crazy.
She said she wouldn't do it without him.
Wow.
What was it?
What's their connection?
Like, did they work together for a while or something?
Puzzle and flow?
Push that shit out.
Yeah, you're right.
They were also looking at Wesley Snipes to be.
No.
And I was like, who's telling this lie?
Yeah.
No one's going to have it.
Wesley Snipes?
Yeah.
Whoa.
That wouldn't have been.
Wesley Snipes is pushing that lie.
Yeah, he probably was.
He's like, hey, put this on the internet Yeah
Let people know I'm still a part
But yeah she is the reason
He got
She wanted him
They're like well
She's like no
I want him to read for this
Man that's so great
She just
She's always been great
As a person
She's great
I watched Taraji's
White Hot Christmas
Like I like
What is Taraji's
White Hot Christmas
Get on Netflix
I started it And forgot to finish it It's understandable It wasn't great White Hot Christmas. Like, I like... What is Taraji's White Hot Christmas? Get on Netflix.
I started it and forgot to finish it.
It's understandable.
It wasn't great.
But I celebrate the whole catalog.
And I really did love her in that Common video.
Do you remember that video?
No, I don't like Common.
They were in Smokin' Aces together. I don't like Common.
They were in Common.
Really?
They were like a team in Smokin' Aces.
Maybe that's how that...
Oh, I have seen Smokin' Aces in that.
I'm not going to say the other person, but there was someone else in common.
And yeah, they were like, I forgot.
I didn't know she was in a common video.
It's crazy how that shit, how those ties like stick around with like actors and things where
you'll see them in something 20 years ago and then they came up in the same thing and
you're like, they must have been pushing.
Do you know what aired literally like last week? Baby Boy. I was on. For sure. Never seen friends. Do you know what aired literally last week?
Baby Boy. For sure.
Never seen it.
You never seen Baby Boy?
It's almost now I have to not see it.
No, don't do that.
That's how I am with Game of Thrones.
Don't be like that.
Run it, dude.
Baby Boy is two hours. Game of Thrones is 68 hours.
Watch Baby Boy.
I'm good. It's wild. I'm all caught up. Game of Thrones is 68 hours. Watch Baby Boy. I'm good.
It's wild.
I'm all caught up on Game of Thrones.
Tyrese is trash.
I don't know what the fuck I was talking about.
Common's awful.
Oh, God.
You ever heard Common talk?
For what?
Who keeps putting this nigga in movies?
I know he's pretty and nice, kid, but damn.
Listen, the point, he's not even the point.
The point was in that video, she
was so good, and she did the chorus
remember, and she was like, before you lock my
love away. Oh, really?
She's in love? Yeah, she
plays the lady. Please let me testify.
You testify. Please let me
testify. And he's like, cause this bitch
did the crime. Yeah. The queen pin.
And she like looks up, it's like she
Kaiser Sosa-ed.
It's great. It's a great Yeah. The queen pin. And she like looks up. It's like she Kaiser So say. It's great.
It's a great video.
That's fun.
Yeah, it's so much fun.
She wasn't I can do that all by myself.
Queen pin.
She wasn't.
Yeah.
And she who cries better than Taraji P. Henson.
I got some.
Angry cry too.
You have a.
I got a better crier.
I got a better crier.
Big statement.
That's a.
I got it.
All right.
Yeah.
I love Taraji P. Henson
it's also such a satisfying name
to say out loud
putting the P in there
Taraji Henson still a great name not as fun
but putting the P in there
I love a middle initial just in the middle of a name
who was the other Taraji Henson that was giving her stack
she seems like
that cousin who you're like
man I don't want to go to
Uncle Jeff's house.
Oh, Taraji's coming.
We're going to smoke weed and talk shit
and walk to the store.
Got a ton of different gears, too.
Can do a movie like Smoke and Aces kind of thing
or can go be in Hidden Figures.
Benjamin Button.
Her being the mom in Benjamin Button?
Dude.
I think she got Best Support get an Oscar for that?
I don't know.
I think she got Best Supporting Actress for that.
She might.
I think she did.
She's nominated.
She's great.
Did she win?
She didn't win.
She didn't win?
Uh-uh.
She doesn't have an Oscar yet.
Did she win something for that?
She hasn't got an Oscar yet?
That's pretty bucky.
Oh, pardon me.
She was nominated for Benjamin Button.
But, yeah, Taraji P. Henson, My first pick. Taraji P. Henson.
That's an excellent pick. That she rules.
It's an excellent pick.
That's the thing is you gotta find a way to open this whole thing.
I know, it's real tough.
I'm gonna take someone who was
recently in a movie from last year
that I don't think got enough
shine. I'm gonna go ahead
and take Viola Davis.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I thought Widows was really, really good this year.
Okay, this is the thing.
My mom wouldn't go see Widows
because she said they weren't stealing enough money.
She said they were stealing a million dollars.
It's not that they weren't stealing.
One million?
People get more than that on the lotto.
One million? People get more than that on the lotto. One million?
And that's like five of them.
So you're telling me they're going to get $200,000
and I'm going to get murdered?
The hell?
Yeah, Marianne Hill wasn't going.
She said people get more than that on the lotto.
It was a gnarly movie and she was awesome in it.
She's awesome in Fences.
Have you seen her in Doubt? When she's playing with Meryl Streep? that in Lotto. It was a gnarly movie and she was awesome in it. She's awesome in Fences, you know.
Have you seen her in Doubt against Merrill Lake when she's playing with Meryl Streep? In fucking Doubt with Meryl
Streep. Dude. Yeah. Viola
can like, I don't know. She acts her ass
off, man. That shovel
digs deep. You know what I mean? Like
can really. Somebody was saying, I saw some
girl saying the snot bubble she had in Fences
needs
his own Oscar. That did win Best Supporting, actually. That snot bubble. The snot bubble she had in Fences needs his own Oscar. That did
win Best Supporting, actually.
That snot bubble. The snot bubble did it.
She's won an Oscar.
Absolutely kills it in that movie, though.
It's insane how good that movie is.
Fences? Yes. I've done a scene. I did a scene
from Fences in college. It's a very
intense. That whole movie
is really fucking gnarly.
And the fact she raised that little girl?
Yeah, man.
That's a lot to ask.
Viola, man.
Viola Davis.
That's a great first pick.
Just in it.
And like, yeah, I would urge...
True first rounder.
I feel like, again, a lot of people slept on Widows,
especially people who listen to this podcast.
Go see it or like rent it or whatever.
It's fucking great.
Why did people sleep on...
I don't know exactly why.
They weren't stealing enough money. I told you. It's fucking great. Why did people sleep on it? I don't know exactly why. They weren't stealing enough money.
I told you.
It's pretty clear.
It was the little money.
Pretty obvious.
Mary Ann Hill said it.
A million dollars.
Jeez.
Listen, there's people who would steal.
Not them, though.
They were rich.
Okay, but take away the million dollars.
Great movie.
Great movie.
Listen, I loved How to Give It Away with Murder
until they kept...
I need a story.
I love murder mysteries.
But for the whole first season,
you understood what was happening.
And then this entire fucking show
is just gone off the fucking rails.
Because it's like, okay, this is who did it.
And then the next, well, and then everything's
a flashback and then a flash forward and a flashback
to, okay, this might have been who did it, but we think
this is who did it, but we try to get rid of a body, but I think this did it.
Oh, this bitch lost her engagement ring. Now we got to go
to the trash to get this back. But we thought she,
one day I just went, fuck it! And I was done.
I'm done. I need
resolution. Don't let me sit up and think that
this motherfucker did it and we get to
The beginning of the second season
And all of a sudden he didn't
I watched TV for it
To be tied up in a bow
Bruh
This is when Shonda
Was just like
What if I just did
Mad lips
Sometimes Shonda
Really shoots from the hip
Listen
It's a choose your own
Adventure fucking show
Yeah sometimes
And every day they choose
A different fucking adventure
Murder should be the only adventure.
Yeah.
I shouldn't be yelling at my TV at two in the morning going, who killed this bitch?
You should know by the end of the episode, unless it's a miniseries and you know you're
working towards the resolution within seven episodes.
Or it's an ongoing storyline.
But if I get to the end of the first season, boom, this is who did it.
And then you start the second season going, oh, that's not who did it.
What was that HBO one with Riz Ahmed
that was like seven episodes or whatever?
The Night Of?
Night Of, yeah.
That was good.
I didn't mind not knowing at the end of one episode.
At the end.
No, they don't, but it's still good.
How dare you?
Really good.
Anyway, just to put a pin on Viola Davis,
also was in Get Rich or Die Trying.
So that's my first pick.
Man, what a career.
I try to forget that movie ever happened.
Terrence Howard was also in that.
Terrence Howard was the evil light
skin dude in a lot of shit for a long
time. He was like, what is not
four brothers, but like the best
man or some shit like that. Yeah, he was the bad
guy in the best man. He was.
He was the one that kept instigating like,
you know, maybe she fucked someone else.
And you're like don't you dare.
But he was in Mr. Holland's
Opus. Oh wow. Yeah he played the
drums. That was his first job.
Yeah damn. That
not on the podcast not on the house Nick Manpay
my friend was in Mr. Holland's Opus
for a second. What? In the background.
That movie's got a lot of heart.
It does have a lot of heart. It's got a lot of heart on it.
Listen, I've been seeing Tone Bell's Instagram and they keep giving
him a real fun mustache. I'm like, oh no,
nigga, you finna be the new Terrence Howard.
Terrence Howard's mustache makes you think
he's really capable of some terrible shit.
He looks like an evil nigga from the 30s.
Yeah, like a bootlegger.
Like he's dastardly.
He should have been in Hoodlum. Right.
Like somebody who owns a juke joint or some shit.
Bumpy Johnson.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
I swear he was,
like someone calls him Bumpy
in something like Bumpy Johnson
or something like that.
Well, I mean,
they call Lawrence Fishburne
Bumpy Johnson in Hoodlum.
I've never even heard of that movie.
Really?
Man, you got to watch Hoodlum.
Damn.
I've never even heard of it.
Well, we also got to watch
Sean Jordan's first pick.
Am I watch?
I mean, listen, this is a podcast.
Sean Jordan, your first pick,
and the black actress is all finished, everything's draft.
First pick is going to be Pam Grier.
Oh, really?
I just watched Coffee two days ago.
Is Pam Grier fucking rules?
Is that the one where she puts the razor blades in her wig?
Yeah, it's on Amazon Prime right now.
It's called Coffee?
Yeah,
it's with C-O-F-F-Y.
That's like one of her big...
That's one of the bigger ones?
Yeah.
I saw the razor blades
on that wig.
I was like,
you know what?
I'm going to fuck
with this movie forever.
She's great, man.
Denver,
represent Mile High
Till I Die.
That's right.
That's almost cooler
than every person
from South Dakota
all put together.
Pam Grier?
I think it is.
That's darling. What's your favorite Pam Grier vehicle?
I mean, we're going up Jackie Brown for sure.
Yeah, she was great.
Jackie Brown was so sweet.
Like that character was so good.
So sweet.
It's just such a good movie.
And she's so fucking tough and dope in that movie.
Because we watched it not that long ago.
Pam Grier looks real cool smoking cigarettes in that movie.
And I never think anyone looks cool smoking cigarettes
but like when she's
doing it I'm like
she's had a long day
yeah she's got like
that stressed out
smoking cigarettes
I'll tell you
in my life
the coolest person
I've ever seen
smoking a cigarette
was an Asian dude
oh sure
that's fair
and it's like
oh you enjoy this
like really
savoring every pulse
like and it was like
cause he like
he had like
it was like
I saw like
I was walking past
like a restaurant and so I was like we were walking behind something going to the pull. It was like, cause he like, he had like, it was like, I felt like I was walking past like a restaurant.
And so it was like,
we were walking behind something going to the front.
And he was like behind the restaurant.
He had the apron on.
He's kind of like squatted down and just fucking.
And I was like,
sir,
that deep squat with the,
they call that the Asian squat or the immigrant squat.
I've heard too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I will not be,
uh,
I'm not saying that I'm saying this man,
I didn't say particular man. I didn't say it either. He was squatting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I will not be, I'm not saying that. I'm saying this man. I didn't say it.
This particular man.
I didn't say it either.
He plays squatting.
They said it over there.
You won't get me.
They said it over there.
Said it over there.
Old,
don't want to do
a black actress draft
being Carmel.
I work for CBS.
All right?
I got a family.
I got moms to feed.
You got sticky boys to feed.
It's over here shaking.
You got all these doors to fucking oil.
I got a collection of doors.
I got a priceless collection of doors that I got to pay insurance on every month.
What's wrong with this in the middle?
Huh?
This is like a railway house.
You can go from all the whole back
you can go through all of that
you know like when Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein
and they're just going in one set of doors and coming out a different one
I know what they're doing
they filmed that here
when nobody else is here we play strip tag
yeah
this just sounds like hide and go get it yeah it does sound like hide and go get it do y'all know what hide and go get it.
Yeah, it does sound like hide and go get it.
Do y'all know what hide and go get it is?
No.
It's a game to discover yourself.
I know it from that Ahmed song.
That's about it.
That back in the day song.
Hide and go get it.
It's just like for kids to rub upon each other.
Yeah.
Usually played when you're teens, hopefully.
Yeah, like 11 to 13, I feel like is prime height and go get an age.
I think I did it at like 14, 15.
That could turn into real sex, though.
They attempted it, but I was like, eh,
these streetlights are on. I gotta go.
What's another
Pam Grier movie you like?
She's in Above the Law. Is she?
That's right. She was on
The L Word. Oh, yeah. I never watched The L Word. Oh, she's in Escape from Law. Is she? That's right. She was on The L Word.
Oh, yeah.
I never watched The L Word.
Oh, she's in Escape from L.A. too. That was the other weird one.
I've seen that movie.
That was the other weird one.
And you'll love this.
She was in a movie called Bucktown.
She did a bunch of those black exploitation movies.
Oh, yeah.
She did a bunch of those black exploitation movies.
She was in Scream, Blackula Scream.
Oh, man.
Man, I've seen that one several times.
In a movie called Sheba, Baby.
I think we all know what that's about.
It's about a Chicago private detective
returns back home to Louisville, Kentucky
to help her father fight mobsters.
Off the top of your head, that's what it was about.
The Kentucky Mob.
The Kentucky Mob.
Oh, yeah.
What the fuck?
The three of us were just like, yeah, the Kentucky Muffins.
Oh, it checks out.
Maybe we just don't know Louisville as well as we thought.
It could be ripe with organized crime.
It's an op-ed for mafioso activity.
Bunch of Italians doing crime.
Because that's what they would call them in Louisville, Kentucky.
It's so much fun to say Italian.
Zach Toscani, the man you walked in on is quite an Italian himself.
I walked in.
Dual-sign is
your first and second pick.
It is a serpentine draft.
Who is that man in there?
You were just...
Who's that man?
I wanted to make sure I knew him.
Did you not turn around or anything?
No, he had headphones in
I didn't open the door all the way it was just like peeking
Cause I wasn't sure what all the doors were
So I was like a little peek
He won't know until he listens to this
That'll be a fun little treat cause he won't
I've wanted to peek behind that curtain for years
I saw nothing
No I just have no idea anything could be going on in there
Peek behind the prosciutto curtain It is off in the back That's have no idea. Anything could be going on in there. The prosciutto curtain.
It is off in the back.
Like, it's off in the cut.
That's what I'm saying.
Anything could be going on.
Okay.
Nothing.
Outskirts of town.
Outskirts.
Very much over railroad tracks.
Very much across a fucking Bowflex.
Yeah, the Bowflex.
The Bowflex is there.
Down by the old Bowflex factory.
That's the Italian side of town. Just past the Bowflex. The Bowflex is there. Yeah, I'm by the old Bowflex factory. That's the Italian side of town.
Just past the Bowflex.
The Italian side of town.
Well, my number, my first pick is going to be Hattie McDaniel.
Hattie McDaniel.
Beautiful.
Going way back.
First black woman to win an Oscar for Gone with the Wind.
And she was not allowed at the ceremony.
God damn.
Damn.
How long ago was that?
That was like-
70 years ago or something.
She won for Star Wars.
This is fucking crazy.
1937, I think.
Just insane.
Yeah, she was not allowed at the ceremony,
so they had to like shoot it off site
Or something like that
Accepting her award really
I think they eventually might have let her in
Or no she wasn't allowed at the ceremony I think
Something hold on
How does that not happen and you're like
Huh maybe the system is
Yeah right
It's insane
Yeah cause she was born in 1893
She died in 1952
She was in over93. She died in 1952.
She was in over 300 films.
She was... Yes.
59.
300 films.
So that means back then...
Oh, they don't know where her Oscar is.
Whoa.
Gotta be somewhere.
Where's Hannah McDaniel's Oscar?
They thought it was at Howard University.
She, like, all...
Like, her first...
Jesus Christ, they used to make a lot of films.
She was in 300 movies.
Well, wasn't it back when you had to be a jobber, right?
Well, this was a studio system.
That's why SAG was created.
In 1935, she was in Anniversary Trouble, OK Toots, The Little Colonel, Transient Lady,
Traveling Sales Lady, Wigwag The four star border China Seas
Alice Adams
Harmony Lane
Murder by television
Music is magic
Another face
We're only human
That was 1935
Big year
A lot of other people
weren't like the Dust Bowl
when she was doing that
That's fantastic
36 and 37
weren't much less busy
I'll tell you that
She was the first black woman
to sing on the radio
in the United States.
Damn.
That's sick.
What was the song?
Didn't say.
Boy,
you should know.
Boy,
we're a country with a shameful history and present.
Cause she was born in 1893.
So her parents would have been slave.
For sure.
1850 to 45.
Yeah.
Born in Kansas
wow
I don't know I don't have much to say about Hattie McDaniels
I have never seen Gone with the Wind
I've still never seen it
I've seen it
you've missed nothing
frankly I don't give a damn
he's an assassin
he's an assassin. He's an assassin.
We did it for Hattie, not for y'all.
Ooh, she was in Showboat.
The best part about Showboat, if you've ever seen a movie, Showboat,
is there's a part of it where there's a white woman who gets arrested
because she's passing.
And so she gets arrested for being a negress which is a weird word
US works so much better
works so much better
but she's
married to a white man so she gets taken
to jail because she tricked him
oh man
this is the best part I don't know why
that's my favorite part of showboat but it's like
oh man it made me so
happy. Similar
thing happened to me for trying to pass off twist.
Twirly fries is curly fries.
They locked you up.
Locked you up for your ideas.
She couldn't go to the Atlanta premiere of the movie.
Oh, man. Because of Jim Crow, an old boy who played an old boy She couldn't go to the Atlanta premiere of the movie In Atlanta?
Oh man Because of Jim Crow
An old boy who played
An old boy and it was like
I'm not gonna go
And they're like
Nah nigga you gotta go
Really?
Who was the guy in Gone With the Wind?
He was a famous guy right?
Rhett Butler
Yeah
Rhett Butler with his
Terrence Howard mustache
That's a Howard job
from way back.
Look at that thing.
What do you mean
they can't make it any thinner?
You know the thing is
I can't talk too much
I'll walk off this
goddamn set right now.
My mustache grows in like that.
Does it?
It doesn't connect
to the middle.
Oh yeah.
All right.
We need to make it thin.
Oh they weren't
going to let her go
and then they ended up
letting her do it
but she had to sit
at a separate table.
By herself?
Yeah and her agent who was white that didn't sit with them man oh he did sit with them hold on but the hotel had a no blacks policy but they let her in jesus and this was now mind you
this was in los angeles yeah it was like supposed to be better. No, segregation was
a nationwide thing.
No, I just mean Los Angeles was supposed to
like the Great Migration. People loved Los Angeles.
I think this was before that though, right?
What year are we talking about? No, Great Migration would
have been 40s, 50s because
that's when a lot of black people left. I thought we were saying this was
38. No, this was the 1940
Academy Awards is when she won.
Okay.
And so, yeah, she and her, she received a plaque.
She and her escort were required to sit at a segregated table for the two at the far wall of the room.
Her white agent, William Micklejohn, sat at the same table.
The hotel had a strict no blacks policy, but allowed McDaniel to in as a favor.
Some favor.
Jesus.
So yeah, but people were mad for her for playing Mammy.
NLACP was big.
Oh really?
Yeah, they said she was an Uncle Tom.
And was that the role she played in Gone with the Wind?
Uncle Tom?
No, no, no, Mammy.
No, she played Mammy.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
He was just like, no.
It's not.
No.
No.
Jewish no.
Jewish no.
Hannah McDaniel, excellent first pick.
Shout out to the originator.
And your second pick?
Kimberly Elise, who's a better crier.
Listen, Kimberly Elise.
Kimberly Elise was in Set It Off.
She was the girl with the braids.
Really?
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
This is hard for me.
Hold on.
Wait, she was in Dire and Mad Black Woman.
Oh, I know her.
She was in For Colored Girls.
Fuck.
Woman, Thou Art Loose.
Here's what I will say.
Okay.
Sadder crier, maybe.
Okay.
Badder crier, I still don't think so.
But if it's sadder, then it's more realistic.
Damn.
But because Taraji's cries, like, I'm not even i i'm not even like crying
really like right so rajji is taraji is you're breaking me yeah but i'm trying not to let you
have it kimberly elise is i'm feeling all of this emotion because i've gone past the breaking point
where i'm gonna let you actually see me sad. And then to ugly cry.
Right.
So do you think ugly cry is the better cry as far as acting goes?
Kimberly Elise goes sad then into the ugly cry.
She was in John Q.
A lot of crying in that.
She was in John Q.
She spent the whole time going, my son.
Yeah.
Oh, she was in Gifted Hands, the Ben Carson story too. Oh, no.
Man.
There's a school that's taking his
name off the school. Really?
There's a Ben Carson like elementary or middle school
and they're like, nah, we're out.
Here's all I have to say about Ben
Carson. Just putting it out there.
Has anyone seen him and Uncle Ben
in the same room?
You mean the rice guy?
Who takes?
No, I mean, I haven't. I've never seen Ben Carson
in a room, if I'm being honest. I've never seen a
cartoon in a room either.
He was a realistic painting.
That was put
around before Ben Carson was born.
He was a realistic
painting?
He's not a cartoon. It was a realistic painting? That's you.
He's not a wall.
He's not a cartoon.
He's a portrait. He's a realistic painting.
He's a beautiful depiction
of a man who just wanted us to eat rice.
You ain't shit.
Sure, he wasn't a heart surgeon,
but at the same time,
he wasn't involved in a near despotic regime time he was he wasn't involved in a uh
near despotic regime so ben also pretended like he stabbed a guy when he was in high school that was a wild that was a weird weird thing to put in a book yeah i don't really know what he
was gonna get you don't need street cred you're a brain surgeon Yeah That's like the one He revolutionized brain surgery
Like
He created a new technique
Oh yeah
Brain surgery
He's a neurosurgeon
I don't know the old techniques
Nor do I
I've since forgotten
PBS got
He did something about him
Yeah
And so for
Cause a long time
Like one thing he just did
Was this
I remember watching it
It was this little black girl
She had this gorgeous Beautiful beautiful fucking long hair.
And usually when they would just shave your whole fucking head to give you brain, like
to give you, she had a tumor or something.
He was like, what if we just shaved?
Where the tumor is?
And they were like, that's his contribution.
No, he did other shit.
He was the first one to come up with that. To not shave
a child's head? Yes, he was pretty fucking great.
But he did, but he'd start,
but I think the,
I think the technique he created was less invasive.
Yeah. Okay. He was just
cracking somebody's whole fucking head open. Yeah.
He was just peeling the side back.
Right. His book was called Gifted Hands.
Try to get your wigs back.
It's about theway's best uh brain
surgeon gifted hans ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen we're out here
i'm gonna do one of those about every 140 episodes sean tell me your second pick uh second
pick i'm gonna say hallie berry all right yeah and it goes back to like strictly business it episode. Sean, tell me your second pick. Second pick, I'm going to say Halle Berry.
And it goes back to like Strictly Business. It goes back to
Boomerang. Strictly Business?
I don't remember that. With Tommy Davidson?
You don't remember Strictly Business and Jamie Foxx?
And Teen Show? No, it was
a movie.
It was Tommy Davidson and then
old boy Denise's husband from the
Cosby Show. I, don't remember that.
I just can't remember.
And they worked in what, like a marketing firm or some shit?
Tommy Davidson was in the mailroom and the other guy was like a regular guy in the marketing firm.
You guys don't remember it strictly?
Don't I look like a Halle Berry poster?
They had the song Strictly Business.
You get to go to Boomerang after that? Was it one movie? Yeah, it was one movie. Yeah, the song Strictly Business. You get to go up to Boomerang after that.
Was it one movie?
Yeah, it was one movie.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I probably
don't remember it.
Halle Berry's been in
a lot of iconic scenes.
Boomerang.
Yo, for a long time.
King of the Golden Circle.
The Program, dude.
One of my favorite movies.
What Spike Lee movie
is she in?
Oh, I don't know.
The one where she's
playing a crackhead?
Losing Isaiah?
No, because Losing Isaiah
is a horrible movie.
Oh, she's in Bullworth.
That's right.
She's definitely in Bullworth.
Oh, I forgot about Bullworth.
And Baps.
Yeah.
She was in Baps.
She was in Baps.
Baps.
And Boomerang.
Man, she's really...
And The Last Boys got fucked.
She was Damon's girlfriend.
Jungle Fever.
She was in the first rated R movie I ever saw, Passenger 57.
Really?
Yeah.
I was nine years old.
Damn.
And I had C cup titties, so no one questioned me.
And I was with my cousin.
Out of respect to everything, I'm not imagining that.
I mean, I hear you.
But it was me and my cousin.
And they were like, so it was me.
My cousin was 15
I was 9
my brother was 8
so we were hanging out
with our cousin
like I want to go see this movie
so none of us were old enough
don't say it's got big ass teeth
oh don't worry
we can go
but the movie industry
is also run by teenagers
which I think is really insane
yeah yeah yeah
these are multi- million dollar projects that 17
year olds are responsible for. So they just
let you guys in? Yeah, because I think
my cousin knew somebody who worked there.
How old was your cousin? 15.
And then you were 9 and 8. And my brother was like
7 or 8. Man.
The only reason the movie was rated
R is because it was just, they were hijacking a
plane. Yeah!
I mean, they probably swore
a little bit, right? They probably swore a little bit, but there was
nobody, like, there was two kisses, but nobody was fucking.
They were like, fuck, someone hijacked
this plane. Well, let's fucking take
it back. And it was one of Leslie Seif's
greatest roles. Yeah.
Really? But she was, what's back in the movie
was she, because she was playing a, um, Cracky. Jungle Fever.
So, originally, when she came to
audition, they told her she was too pretty to do it.
Really?
So she literally went out, dusted herself all up,
fucked herself all up, and came back.
And they were like, oh, well, who are you?
And they just didn't recognize her.
And that's how she ended up getting it.
That's pretty buck, man.
She, Oscar winner, and also a double superhero.
Yeah.
Both Catwoman and Storm.
Let me tell you something that should have never happened.
Fucking Halle Berry playing fucking Storm.
You think if I was the weather, I'd fucking listen to Halle Berry?
You crazy?
I don't understand this point.
If I was the weather, would I listen to Halle Berry?
That bitch is weak as fuck.
What is that? She's weak as fuck. What is that?
She's weak as fuck.
She got no bass in her voice, okay?
If Halle Berry was yelling at you anyway,
you'd be like, bitch, get out of here.
If Angela Bassett rolled through, bitch, you'd be thunder.
Yeah, that's true.
I would rank her.
She should have been Angela Bassett.
Much like the cereal episode,
we're going to need to stop naming other potential picks.
I apologize for the video.
She'll come up later. We'll talk about her more later.
It should not have been her.
And Catwoman was so terrible.
I saw it in the movie theater.
Catwoman was bad?
It was bad.
And when she won that Oscar, people were like,
oh, this is what you gave her an Oscar for?
She's been making weird moves, man.
I mean, also I understand that happens to women
when they get a little bit older,
especially ones who win Oscars.
But like, her last 10 years have been like
kind of weird movies, you know?
Like Things We Lost in the Fire.
Gothica.
Well, Gothica was a little...
Was that a long time ago?
Yeah, that was a long time ago.
Okay.
But like fucking...
Oh, she's in John Wick 3.
Yeah.
Oh, tight. She was awesome. What was the one where she was just... Torchfish like fucking, Oh, she's in John wick three. Yeah. Oh,
what was the one where she was?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wasn't going to bring it up.
I wasn't going to bring it up either,
but I know.
Yeah.
Cloud Atlas was weird.
I couldn't get through it.
I couldn't get through cloud Atlas.
Neither could the people who wrote the movie.
That movie was star studded there.
Everybody was in that fucking movie. And it just was.
It's like Waterworld.
Where everyone was like, no.
I like Waterworld.
I do too.
I didn't have a problem with it.
I'll tell you this.
I got a mouth shot in Waterworld.
So I enjoyed it.
Jesus Christ.
What happened?
You got a blow job at Waterworld?
Are you serious right now?
I didn't know we were going to be that upset about it.
Now is the time to drop the term mouth shot?
I've said it before.
I didn't know we were going to be pissed upset about it Mouth shot? I've said it before, I didn't know we were going to be pissed about it
Mouth shot
Mouth shot?
A blowjob
He was being very vulgar, I don't know why
Did he get one?
I mean, I didn't know
No, he said he got one
I thought it would be funnier
If you got a mouth shot, didn't it sound like you gave the blowjob?
Yeah, I got a mouth shot sounds like you gave a blowjob
It does
Somebody should have told all my friends that when we were kids Boy, did we say it a lot You gave the blowjob? Yeah, I got a mouth shot. Sounds like you gave a blowjob. It does. It does.
Somebody should have told all my friends that when we were kids.
Boy, did we say it a lot.
My friends would have figured that shit out real quick.
Halle Berry.
Halle Berry.
Halle Berry.
You remember that song?
Yeah.
She's been in every rap song.
Oh, yeah. She gets name checked quite a bit.
Monsters Ball, man.
Dude, can I say i wasn't
gonna bring it up until somebody said it so i knew what the scene was on monsters ball yeah
because i had mr skin yeah but my parents didn't know and they rented it and i was grounded and
they were like oh well you can watch the movies that we rented tonight and i had to watch that
scene from monsters's Ball next to
my mom. I would have gotten up and went to
the restroom or perhaps made some popcorn for the
family. I've never seen it. It was
awful. I heard it's awful so I've
never seen it. And then in the middle of
the scene my mom says Halle Berry's
breasts.
Not what I
wanted to hear. She won the Oscar for that too
it was a great movie
time for my second pick
my second pick
we're taking an EGOT winner
Whoopi Goldberg
I fucking love
Whoopi Goldberg
I love Whoopi too
Tony was her one woman show
I think
she got Best Supporting Actress.
Color Purple did she win a film?
Uh-uh, not Color Purple. It wasn't Ghost.
It was Ghost. Was it really?
It was Ghost. I don't know how I know
all these things. She was amazing in Ghost.
Wait, is she an EGOT or is she one short of an EGOT?
No, she has an EGOT. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think Emmy's
for... Oh, shit. I was going. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Emmy's for...
For the talk show.
Oh, shit.
I was going to say like their comic relief or whatever.
The Emmy's not for her talk show.
The Grammy's for her...
The Emmy could be for their comic relief or whatever they did with like Billy Crystal and shit.
Yeah, like Live Aid for Comics.
Can they get an Emmy for that?
I think so.
I'm looking it up right now.
I'm going to get to the bottom of it.
You don't give a fuck who's at the top?
No, I don't give a fuck. No, for a second. Either way, I love Whoopi Goldberg. Whoop looking it up right now. I'm going to get to the bottom of it. You don't give a fuck who's at the top? No, I don't give a fuck.
Either way, I love Whoopi Goldberg.
Whoopi Goldberg is awesome.
Whoopi Goldberg is fucking hilarious.
She's a sneakerhead, which I really appreciate.
She's an EGOT, which is tight.
I'll be an EGOT probably here
within the next couple of years.
That Every Game of Thrones episode?
Because you're already in it.
Yeah, Every Game of Thrones.
Very quick, man. Every Game of Thrones. What happened? What? that every game of throne episode because you're already in it yeah every game of throne very quick man every game of thrones
hell yeah
what happened
what
you're not an egot
I'm an egot
every game of thrones
I've watched
you're not a game of thrones
I just got a last night
I am a game of thrones
I play the character
Hot Pie
look him up
look up Hot Pie
tell me I'm not
look it up
his name is
his name is hot pie?
Hot pie.
Look up hot pie.
Like, and then like delicious?
Yep, you got it.
Hot pie.
That's funny.
I will not.
Dated Ted Danson?
Yeah, that's.
Oh, Ted Danson did blackface.
Remember Ted Danson did blackface?
What?
No. Ted Danson did blackface on Remember Ted Danson Who did blackface What No
Ted Danson did blackface
On her birthday
Really
Is that why they were
In that movie together
When they were in San Francisco
And they fell in love
I think the movie happened
They started dating
After the movie
Oh
What movie was it
Man I bet they were
Just some wild shit
I'm saying man
I really would have been
Loved to have been privy
To a Ted Danson
Whoopi Goldberg date like right at the beginning
when it was getting hot and heavy
I bet they were laughing
there's no way that Whoopi Goldberg
and Billy Crystal did not fuck at least once
wow picture that
they did
Harry met Sally Billy Crystal
you fucking that dude
wearing that Drake sweater
bruh if they invent a time machine that's the first thing I'm fucking doing You fucking red dude. Wearing that Drake sweater. Gotta fuck that dude. Bruh.
If they invent a time machine, that's the first thing I'm fucking doing.
That's the first thing you're doing?
Yes.
That's a wild statement.
Obviously, I'm stopping slavery.
But second thing, fucking Billy Crystal.
When Harry met Sally, Billy Crystal.
Only that window. You have to give yourself the emotional energy to go back and kill a Hitler.
Stop slavery.
So how do you do that?
You go watch Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg.
Fuck.
No, no, no, no, no.
You feel the fails?
No, don't say fucking him.
Oh, you're fucking Billy Crystal?
Yes!
Oh, I'm watching them fuck.
Nah, doc.
I'm not going to fuck Billy Crystal.
You've never seen Billy Crystal's green eyes?
My dad looks like Billy Crystal.
I'm not going to go fuck Billy Crystal.
Harry Met Sally, Billy Crystal. I'm catching going to go far. Very much Sally Billy Crystal.
I'm catching that dick.
But not like city slickers.
Him too.
I have city slickers with my grandma in a movie theater.
Is there a Billy Crystal you don't want to fuck?
This one.
Right now.
That's fair.
That's very fair.
Current Billy Crystal.
Analyze this.
Anything past that, I'm down.
Analyze this is the way you stop being. We're tapping. Analyze that, you're out. Analyze this. Anything past that, I'm down. Analyze this is the way you stop being.
We're tapping.
Analyze that, you're out.
Analyze that.
Analyze this, fuckaboy.
Analyze that.
Nope.
At the pasture.
Nope.
Nope.
Once we analyze it, I don't want to see that dick.
Send in the canners.
Give them a bowl of matzo.
I'm not going to analyze that dick.
That's for damn sure.
That's for damn sure.
Once we get past any of these lickers, your girl's tapping.
Nope.
Whoopi Goldberg, man.
Sister Act, Ghost.
Sister Act 2.
The color purple.
Fucking just nail it.
Karina, Karina.
Karina, Karina is my favorite
fucking movie. I used to love that movie.
Nobody talks about Karina, Karina.
That is my favorite fucking movie.
It was always on TBS.
I would always catch it when it was 10 minutes into it.
So I never, literally for 10 years, had never seen the first 10 minutes of that movie.
It's so good.
It's just to find out.
It's just to find out the mom's dead.
Yeah, that's all.
So it's a little girl laying in the yard with the dress.
And I'm like, okay, well, what happened before this?
That's one of my mom's top five.
That movie has Ray Liotta.
Pretend it's three names.
It's fun.
And Ray Liotta,
he can get it in that movie
and in the one
where it's Goodfellas.
Them two.
Because Ray Liotta now?
Nah, dog.
In the Shantix commercials
weeding everybody out?
He's rough.
No.
That Botox done took
a fucking toll, dog.
It's botulism, you know?
I mean, really.
Poison in your face, really.
Whoopi Goldberg, man.
I fucking love Whoopi Goldberg.
What'd she get the Emmy for?
Oh, shit.
I never found out.
It wasn't her talk show.
No, I think, I mean, I bet it was that live or comic relief shit.
You don't think so?
It was probably the comic relief shit.
Or was she on The View?
No.
Ever?
No?
All right.
Yeah, she was.
No, she's on The View now.
I'm saying the thing she got the Emmy before.
I don't think she started on The View, though.
No, she didn't start on The View.
You could still get an Emmy for it.
Is Barbara Walters still alive?
She's won two daytime Emmys, and she's been nominated for nine primetime Emmys, but she
hasn't won any.
Oh, so the Emmys were from The View.
The daytime Emmys, yeah.
Damn.
Okay.
David, tell me your second and third picks.
I mean, you guys already brought her up, so I got to take the goat.
Bassett.
Yeah, yeah.
Bassett, dude.
Fucking Bassett.
Since my mom and all her friends crowded around to watch Waiting to Exhale on VHS.
Oh, man.
That was Black People's Joy Luck Club.
That shit was huge.
Man, so much white.
They probably crushed three bottles of whites in Sutter Home. That shit was huge. Man, so much white. They probably crushed three
bottles of white Zin. Sutter
Home, that bullshit.
Just a bunch of ladies yelling about
As long as they weren't
yelling about, you know, as long as they weren't drinking
Arbor Mist, I think you're good. No, yeah.
They were.
Listen, it gave us
one of the most memes was her setting
that fucking BMW on fire.
It gave us Mary J. Blige.
Not gonna cry.
Man, because she was his lover.
I was your lover and your secretary.
Working every day of the week.
Fast forward.
He left us.
He did a sacrifice.
I should have left your ass a thousand times.
Yeah.
So, I mean, just the strength of...
That song has come up before on this podcast.
Yeah, it has.
It struck a chord.
Yeah.
I feel...
Taught me how to treat a woman.
Yeah, man.
Angela Bassett.
And also, Stella got her groove back in anything, man.
She's just all...
She played Biggie's mom. Yeah, she played Biggie's mom. And that's when she let... And also, Stella got her groove back in anything, man. She's just all with Tina Turner.
She played Biggie's mom.
Yeah, she played Biggie's mom. And that's when she let, listen, Stella got her groove back.
Let us know that we should have never been fucking with Taye Diggs.
Man, he was from the beginning.
He got to go on.
Do you know the movie Angela Bassett, Sneaky Goodin?
Is that movie The Score?
Do you remember that?
Oh, I love that movie, dude.
It was Robert De Niro.
It was Robert De Niro and Edward Norton.
I think I know what you're talking about.
It's about them doing a heist and Angela Bass is in it.
She's fucking great.
She smokes a good cigarette.
She does smoke a good cigarette.
She smokes a good ass cigarette.
Dude, what's that got to do with it?
Yeah, man, come on.
Recently, I mean, she was in American Horror Story
and then that episode of Master of None
that Lena Waithe wrote.
Oh, when she played the mama?
She played the mom?
Well, at first it was like,
I don't get it.
And then she was just like,
oh, this is the female
you brought in my house.
Which is always how it goes.
It's like,
I don't fuck with this.
And goes,
oh, so this bitch?
This the mage you have for you
that I brought in my fucking house?
You can't fool a better bitch
than this bitch?
Yo, there is a meme that I saw
where it's like Thanksgiving and this kid comes out to his mom
And it's literally her in a robe
And she's standing like
You know like in the pantry
Yeah
And she
It's the funniest fucking thing
Because
She was like
You're looking at Christmas memes in April?
No no no no no
He was just home
Thanksgiving memes
So it was like Thanksgiving
Or something like that
And so she's standing in a robe
In the pantry
And he tells her And she was like Oh You didn't that And so she's standing In a robe in the pantry And he tells her
And she was like
Oh
You didn't think we
The whole time we've been
The whole time we've been like
And so she starts
Opening the door and going
You gonna come out?
You alright in there?
Okay good
And then she plays
Through this whole thing
Like we've known
The whole time
She's like
You just been sitting in there
We've been like
You could've came out
But you know what
I'm gonna let you stay in there
Go ahead
You come out when you want to
It's like a two minute thing
Where she's just dogging her ass
Going nigga duh
You didn't tell us new shit
Like the whole time
You've just been sitting in there
Going we gonna support
You know what
You come out when you need to
It's funny as shit
Bless her heart man
Cause the whole time
She's been like
The fuck are you telling
I've been known about this.
Yeah, I feel like your mom always knows.
Your mom always knows.
Either way, Angela Bassett,
great career from beginning to end,
top to bottom.
She's just always so funny.
Or not funny, just like...
She's still her age.
She's just remarkable.
She's so, like...
She's doing this Ryan Murphy shit now.
I love American Horror Story.
I think she's fantastic in it.
Yeah.
She's killing it.
I would, like...
You can't teach Regal.
Regal.
Exactly the word.
Regal.
Like, you can't teach.
And that's what I was saying about, like, Halle Berry playing Storm.
But, like, even the cartoon.
Angela Bassett could play Storm.
Even the fucking X-Men cartoon.
The animated bitch had more
presence. Yeah. Being storm.
The fucking
Halle Berry. Now I see what you're saying.
You're right. Halle Berry can't tell
the wind what to do. No!
Bitch, I'm not showing up for you.
I'm not regal. I know that. I could
only play a foolish king.
You know.
What do you need to know about yourself.
I know that.
King Carmel, the funny king.
You're your own jester?
Maybe the
horses should ride the men.
And now you got people making fucking
and now you got to get little horses and giant men. And now you got people making fucking This fucking kick
And now you gotta get little horses and giant men
And now you got making saddles for horses
To ride men
I somehow have two different kinds of gout
Like I'm that kind of gout
I got a new kind of gout
You institute a giggle tax
Because people aren't laughing enough
The giggle tax wars
have you giggled today
you just try to moonlight as a jester
oh my god I get assassinated
by my hole that I shit in
you know just like
because it caves in
fuck that's so funny
When people don't kill you
You're like hey
I'm a threat
Oi
Oi
What's wrong with me
Let's go to war
I could be murdered
I'm evil
You're just poking him
With like a long fake sword
Oi
Oi
Murder me
Assassinate
Get over here
I'm important Climb the throne Oi, oi, murder me. Assassinate. Get over here.
I'm important.
Climb the throne.
Oh, man, you guys don't do this.
I probably could do this so much better.
Come on.
Murder me.
No, I don't want your job.
No, murder.
Murder me.
Get over here.
I don't want to.
The throne's all covered in jam now.
Death preserves. And then you run away.
that preserves and then you run away
oh
guys I have to pick something so my head can
oh yeah yeah yeah
okay my next pick
is her
her co-star actually
Angela Bassett's co-star
in Waiting to Exhale
but also she's done
everything from the Carmichael show
to Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
I was gonna pick her!
And incredible Loretta Devine.
I mean, come on, man.
America's mother, as far as I'm concerned.
Her voice, I can't even do an impression
because I can't do any impressions.
Joe!
That's it.
We don't have the candies. Joe, she's a Jew, Joe! I don't even do an impression because I can't do any impression. Joe! That's it. We don't have the candies.
Joe, she's a Jew, Joe.
I don't know.
How did you know she was half Jew?
You know her as soon as you see her.
Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, I met her at the NAACP Awards.
In where?
Oh, at the NAACP Awards?
She was so sweet and royal.
By the way, great dress you had at the NAACP Awards. Christian Siriano, thank you very much. No, I saw the tag. Oh, at the NAACP awards? She was so sweet and rolling. By the way, great dress.
Christian Siriano, thank you very much.
No, I saw the tag. Oh, no shit.
Yes, my son-in-law's cat heaves is everything.
She also dresses Jenny's greeno.
But yeah, I remember that
one episode of Carmichael show when they find out
that his girlfriend's half Jewish.
And she doesn't know how to function.
She's like, well, she's
a Jew, Joe.
Just a good half. What are we... doesn't know how to function. She's like, well, she's, she's a Jew, Joe. She's a Jew?
Just a good half.
What are we?
No Christmas?
Easter?
I would say Loretta Devine
always sounds like
the Yankees are coming.
Oh my God.
The Yankees are coming.
The Yankees are coming.
Oh man,
she just like,
cause it's like.
I just don't understand. This woman is a jobber too. She's been in fucking so are coming. She just like... I just don't understand.
This woman is a jobber too. She's been in
so much shit.
144 roles.
It's her and Jennifer Lewis are
neck and neck for Black
Mama Hollywood.
Everybody, because even if you guys
are listening and you don't know her, as soon as you look
her up, you're like, oh, Loretta.
She's been in everything. She played
Roy's mom on
the TBS show he was on
that
fucking Steve
Burns show. Oh,
the bar, the Irish bar? Yeah.
Oh, God, what was that called?
She was also
in Everybody Hates Chris.
Sullivan and Sons. Sullivan and Sons Sullivan and Sons
Yeah
Grey's Anatomy
Hoodlum
Which we referenced earlier
What Women Want
Kingdom Come
Crash
Boston Public
Crash
She was in Crash
She's in everything man
She's a worker
She's always great
I mean I don't even have that much to say about her
Other than she's
Always glad when she's there
She does the job man
I'm telling you,
her and David Allen Greer were the best
parts of Carmichael's show.
Yeah, I thought Tiffany
and Rel were really good. No, Tiffany and Rel were great, but
I also
they didn't put Tiffany
I think Tiffany and Rel would have been on the same level
as Loretta and David Allen Greer if they
had put them in more scenes.
And I think what I really wanted to see was more interaction between Tiffany and Loretta and David Allen Greer if they had put them in more scenes. And I think what I really wanted to see
was more interaction between Tiffany and Loretta.
Yeah, because she didn't like her.
Yeah, and then there was a little light-skinned girl
who I have nothing to say.
I haven't seen a Tom Carmichael show,
but I believe all of your opinions.
I should have watched more of it.
I like Gerard a lot.
It's on Netflix.
You guys should watch it on TV.
Check it out.
Also, Waiting to Exhale on Netflix.
Oh, yeah.
You can take anything from this episode.
Just watch Waiting to Exhale.
Don't watch Waiting to Exhale.
Taye Jiggs and Tyrese.
And Swirly Fries Pat and Penny.
So don't even try it.
Swirly Fries Pat and Penny.
So don't even fucking try it.
It's a movie about black people in Arizona.
What is? Waiting to Exhale? Yeah about black people in Arizona. What is?
Waiting to exhale?
Yeah, they're in Arizona.
They live in Arizona, huh?
Yeah, because they fuck with each other
about not having grass.
Yeah.
It is a dank one.
And also, Set It Off that we mentioned earlier.
Watch Set It Off if you haven't seen Set It Off.
I counted his money with my own hand.
Love Set It Off.
Do you love Set It Off?
Queen Latifah goes out like a writer.
Speaking of Queen Latifah,
my next pick is queen latifah
no no i think we had enough there was not that we were such a small amount of time in between
worked out that it worked this kind of situation too man queen latifah rules dude all the way back
to juice latifah who the fuck is q man she was in juice oh she's like one of the best parts she's
also in so much like she's another one where it's just so many different parts yeah like she was in Juice. Oh, she was in... She's like one of the best parts of Juice. She's also in so many... Like, she's another one where it's just so many different parts.
Yeah.
Like, she was in that Jimmy Fallon taxi movie.
Yeah, fucking crazy, right?
Yeah.
Wasn't she in a movie with Steve Martin?
Yeah, Bring It Down the House.
We don't really bring that up on this podcast.
David doesn't really like to talk about Bring It Down the House, but I...
What the hell happened to you?
When it came out in 2003 I enjoyed it
I watched it
I didn't know
I watched it on an airplane
and I was like
yeah
we all enjoyed it
did we
I don't need to
we don't need to talk
about bringing down the house
alright
she was in an episode
of Hunter Hunt
she was in
she was in Living Single
man
Living Single is on Hulu
I've been re-watching it
I've already
ran through it twice
it's man it's amazing yeah so many men listen Living Single is on Hulu. I've been re-watching it. I've already ran through it twice.
Man, it's amazing.
Yeah.
So many men.
Listen.
Do a musical.
I mean, obviously, she is a musician, but Chicago and Hairspray.
She was in Gypsy, too, right?
Yeah, I think so.
What's that movie, Bessie?
Uh-huh.
Yeah. She could do it all.
She's like a utility player.
She was in Just Right with your boy Common
Where he played
He was on the New Jersey Nets
Everybody check out this movie Just Right
A.I.
The future
The future
The future exactly
A.I.
It's interesting likeI. A.I. Yeah, she was there.
It's interesting.
Like, Queen Latifah, who, like, has been, is, like, a romantic lead in, like, a lot of movies and is not the kind of person who Hollywood has traditionally put in those roles.
But, like, in Bringing Down the House, it's Queen Latifah and fucking Steve Martin
and those are the stars of a rom-com?
Hell yeah.
Are they following up on each other? Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Now I got of a rom-com? Hell yeah. Are they following up
on each other?
Oh yeah.
Oh yes.
Now I gotta see this movie.
Oh yeah.
They go skiing in it.
Well listen,
Steve Martin did grow up
a poor black boy.
He did.
What a jerk.
He did.
Oh.
There you go.
Twice really.
This guy.
This episode
was on some different energy.
I gave him the alley-oop
for that.
He's making puns. You're not gonna acknowledge the support of a black woman right episode is on some different energy, man. I gave him the alley-oop for that.
He's making puns.
You're not going to acknowledge the support of a black woman right here?
No, no, no.
I acknowledge you completely.
I'm just saying David Borey is not usually a man of puns. No.
And he's made two this episode.
Sometimes Gary Payton would bust a dunk.
Absolutely.
That's true.
No, but that's how I recommend you celebrate your alley-oop.
Mark down an assist.
There it is.
Going for the triple-double.
Queen Law, man.
Just like Common in Just Right.
A-I.
Gross.
She also loves motorcycles.
Queen La does?
Yeah.
But she also let us know she was a lesbian and set it off.
Yeah.
And, like, at some award show, right?
Weren't they marrying a bunch of of like, she introduced a segment where they
like a bunch of gay couples got married, but she didn't cop to being, she's like in the
closet, out of the closet, right?
I don't know.
It's a weird thing to talk about on a podcast.
No, she was like a girl on a boat.
She's out now.
Is she full blown out?
Okay, great.
I mean, if they're, yeah, I guess I just thought I've known that forever.
But it's never been a thing she really ever talked about.
Yeah.
Which I think that's fucking great.
Who can't do it?
Which is always the best way to do it.
Yes. Yeah. Well, that's which I think that's fucking great. Which is always the best way to do it. Yeah, I'm just a person.
That's the whole point.
Like, nobody ever comes out and like, you know what?
I'm straight.
Because why the fuck should they have to?
So people shouldn't have to do it if they're not.
It's insane.
But it's good for a community, I guess, to have like a beacon of somebody who has been. You shouldn't feel compelled to if you don't want to.
The pressure just seems odd to me.
Like, you shouldn't.
Nobody should give a shit.
That's the world I want to live in.
I don't care what anybody does when the lights are off.
Girl's trip she was really fun in.
Girl's trip was great.
Her hair was laid too.
Doing a little voice in Ice Age, getting that animated money.
Just fucking I love Queen Latifah, man.
Sean, tell me your third pick.
We're going to clear out, set it off.
I'm going to pick Jada Pinkett Smith
Can we talk about her plastic surgery?
Oh, I haven't really noticed that
I don't know
No, we can't
Seems bad
I understand, and no, no we cannot
This is not the platform
We'll talk about it later
The man said no
Doesn't need to come up
I love Jada Pinkett.
I do too.
I mean,
all the way back
to Set It Off
or going back to Menace.
I used to,
I loved her in
Lowdown Dirty Shane.
Lowdown Dirty Shane
was funny as hell.
That movie was great.
People do not
give her enough credit.
She was the funniest part.
She was funnier
than Kenan in that movie.
Yes.
People do not
give her enough credit
for that movie.
Forget about that movie.
I mean,
I haven't seen that movie
in 15 years
she's fucked back in the naughty professor
when we were kids
when that crazy wig they put on her
your lip is swollen
she had like on a different world
she had a lot of little funny moments too
I feel like they never
like she never
to me she's a comedic actress but she can do
everything so well that like
that's why i expected her to be more funny in girls trip they made her such a straight man
they made her such but i was like but regina king was very much a straight man in that movie too
that's true that's why i thought a little bit more yeah i'm so used to both of them being really
funny yeah but yeah jada's jada's great man you know what's in a metal band
you know really the metal band what is it called wicked wisdom or something yes i'm like i think
that's exactly what it was whoa well not like your way wait that's fucking my favorite of all
the jadas jada kiss i you know why why i can't come through with the pecan jag?
Why?
Why did Bush knock down the towers?
Why?
Lots of questions.
Why does he look like a Ninja Turtle?
He does.
Holy buckets.
It's a crazy face on that, man.
My brother said it to me when I was in ninth grade.
Never forgot it.
That's so funny
he looks just like
a ninja turtle
Russell Westbrook
a little bit too
he definitely does
a little bit of ninja turtle
are the ninja turtles real
it's also because
he's so buff
he's got those
big ass shoulders
also like a baby
yeah yeah yeah
he does
the Duncan baby
Russell Westbrook
let's start calling him that
oh I was talking about
Jadakiss looks like a baby
oh
we're getting off track
the point is no I wanted to this is my long con to talk about Jadakiss for a minute you want this Jadakiss was talking about Jadakiss looks like a baby. Oh. We're getting off track. The point is. No, I wanted to, this is
my long con to talk about Jadakiss for a minute.
You want this Jadakiss track.
Boo!
Out of here.
I was going to say, no, my favorite Jada,
I love Jada on the Fresh Prince.
Oh, yes. When she was
Will's friend and she can't, when they were
in college.
Apparently. Yeah.
Jada and Will Smith get up to some weird sex stuff.
Again.
I mean, they're both, you know, they've both been so physically fit for so long.
That would be insane.
Did you hear Will Smith when they were on Red Table Talk?
No.
When he came on.
So he came to see.
So his friend brought Jada. His friend brought will to a different world to meet
jada and he ended up meeting his first wife oh no way really like in the audience like when
ended up meeting her instead so never ended up meeting jada they ended up getting married
having his oldest son and he said one day he was just in a bathroom crying, going up, married the wrong person.
Damn.
So yeah, so he was supposed to meet Jada at a different world.
Ends up meeting this other woman whose name I can't remember.
They get married, have a son.
And he was like, literally, like, I've married the wrong,
he's like, I'm supposed to be with Jada Pink
and I married the wrong woman.
That's pretty wild.
Damn.
They get divorced.
He starts dating Jada and that's like just,
and they've been together since then.
They found each other. That's a lot of clarity.
They do hold each other down.
But he was literally in, he was on Red Table Talk
going, I was in the bathroom crying.
I married the wrong person.
I can't believe Hancock
cried. I mean the journey.
It's a bummer to be that first wife.
Dude!
But she's set, though.
Oh, yeah.
But, I mean, they get along really well.
The kids are growing up together.
I mean, you know.
That's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dulce, tell me your third and fourth picks.
Okay.
My third pick is going to be Diane Carroll.
Damn.
So.
Go ahead.
Diane Carroll was the first black woman to win a Tony Award
she was also the first
black woman to star in her own television show
she had a show with Julia
and I think she was the first black woman
to have a doll
because they had a Julia doll
also first black woman to spell Diane like that
man she really did
how does she spell it?
It's D-I-A-H-A-N-N.
Diane.
Diane.
And she was one of the most popular characters in Dynasty.
Oh.
Because I think she slapped Alexis at one point.
Because Alexis' character was like everything,
and then they brought in Diane Carroll,
and they're like, I don't know anything about
Dynasty.
I mean, it was all shoulder pads and everything.
I know that somebody shot JR.
Oh, that's Dallas, bro.
That's Dallas.
It's funny.
There was a girl in my college that we called JR because we made a joke one day about who
shot JR and she was JR for the rest of the time.
I mean, that's how that happened.
So Diane at that point
was probably a little bit older
and was playing like
a little bit older rich lady.
Oh yeah,
because this was like the 80s.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so it was her.
So she was like in her 50s.
Right, so it's her
because she was born in 1935.
So it's her and Alexis
just because they're like,
we need somebody
who can come for Alexis
and it's like, boom,
they called her in.
She wrote a book that my mom got called like The Legs of the Last Thing to Go.
And she was talking about back in the day, she used to date a lot of Italian dudes, like mobsters and shit.
And they'd buy her furs and give her all this money.
And she'd always go back to black dudes.
And I'll tell you one thing my mother told me that fucked me up that was in that book.
Sidney Poitier used to kick her ass.
Oh, no.
She used to beat the brakes off of her.
Damn it.
Really?
Yep.
It's in the book.
I ain't spreading shit.
It ain't nothing I learned about it when I heard it.
Damn.
Used to beat the brakes off of her, dog.
Damn.
She had a nine-year affair with him when he was married.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Angled web we weave. And made her divorce her husband. And he said he would leave his wife. And he didn't him when he was married. Uh-huh. Yeah. Angled web we weave.
And made her divorce her husband,
and he said he would leave his wife.
And he didn't.
And he didn't.
Damn.
Cold-blooded.
He was like future, but in the past.
And he still, but the relationship continued.
Ooh, she got married to Vic Damone in the 80s.
What?
Remember, okay, okay, okay.
Wow.
She does like the Italians. Remember the movie? Wait, you mean Vic Damone in the 80s. What? Remember? Okay, okay, okay. Wow. He does look like the Italians.
Remember the movie in the Money Talks or something?
Yes.
Where Chris Tucker kept saying he was Vic Damone Jr.?
Yeah.
That's why.
Oh, because they...
No way, really?
That's pretty funny.
I never got that joke.
I would laugh.
How would you?
I never got it.
I didn't even know who Vic Damone was at the time.
I always thought he was just trying to
be in with the Italian dad. I had no idea.
You've done it again.
That's Buck.
Oh, man. She was also the first
it says
in this camp, the first African-American
nominated for a primetime Emmy Award?
Probably.
Wow.
For Dynasty.
Holy shit.
She was one of the most popular characters
on that show.
Vic Damone Jr.
Vic Damone Jr., yeah.
That's so funny.
All right, that was a great pick.
That was a great pick.
Yeah, that was wild.
And your fourth pick?
Is Michaela Cole
so she's a British actress and she's the one that did Chewing Gum oh man she's so Chewing Gum was
so good was so good Chewing Gum was crazy good she got another show on there right what is Chewing
Gum Chewing Gum is oh man you gotta watch it on Netflixflix she went i think she won uh a bafta for
that did she did she write it too yeah man it started as a one-woman show and then she sold it
and then because usually in england they don't do that many like because it kind of i think it's
because of like faulty towers or something like that where they don't go so many episodes past
something oh yeah she was like they do limited series right but she's like i did my two seasons and everyone's like write more
and she's like good it man you guys should watch it's funny as fuck it's so fucking on netflix
right yeah it's on netflix the mom on chewing gum is like the best depiction of an african
like christian mom i've seen in like there's a show called in the end that i just watched on
the plane that is a uh i don't know if it's what it's on a netflix or whatever but it's a show called In the End That I just watched on the plane That is a I don't know what it's on
On Netflix or whatever
But it's a show that Idris Elba did
And it's only six episodes
I'm in
And it's him
So they live in like
On the estate
I think like in the East End
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And it's him
They're from Sierra Leone
So it's him
Kiki
So it's him and his wife
And then their son who's born there
And then his brother Valentine comes
from Sierra Leone. Are they from the Kono tribe?
I'm going to assume. I don't know.
Idris, because we look alike and I'm full Kono.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've always felt. He's got to be
playing Kono. He's probably Kono. He probably
Kasantama. You know what I mean? He's probably Kono.
Idris Elba, his people are from Sierra Leone? I mean
I think that we. I thought he was Nigerian.
I think that Idris and I look
a little off alike. David actually did Idris' DJ set at Coachella this week,
and not a lot of people know that.
I thought David was Idris Elba when we started this show.
Honestly, have you heard Idris Elba rap?
He's not bad.
He's not bad.
No, he's good.
There's a song Boasty out right now
that he's, like, pretty good at.
But yeah, but Kayla Cole, she's an amazing actress.
Yeah, she's fantastic.
There's this show called The Aliens.
It's on Hulu
and she
so it's a world where
there's people who
there's people who are aliens
but they look like regular people
and the only way they can tell
the difference between them
is literally if you
burn the person's hair
it goes green
it flares up green
but
regular humans can get high
off the hair
so now it's a new drug.
Hell yeah.
So what they've done is they've quarantined all of these aliens, quote unquote,
into another side, like a busted down part of the city.
And she plays one of those aliens and then this dude who's literally Border Patrol.
There's other abilities that they have, but he finds out he's part alien.
And then she's part of that whole thing about helping him realize you know what he is
but she's like very much like a
siren sexy kind of thing
and then Chewing Gum she's just a fucking goofball
oh she's such a goofball that shit
is it's so funny
because the thing is she comes up in a
super Christian family so she's like she doesn't know
anything about sex and she's so
horny and she's so horny
she's so horny in Chewing Gum so horny. She's so horny
in Chewing Gum.
And she's like,
this is just the heart of it.
And then she's trying
to be cool,
but like,
it's almost like,
it's almost like
a British Insecure kind of.
Yeah.
But more British,
like more over the top.
It's so good.
We're talking about Chewing Gum.
We're all caught up
on Game of Thrones.
Yeah, watch.
I got that EGOT.
It's really,
yeah, they got bruvs on it too.
Bruvs? Bruvs and
chavs. I love bruvs and chavs.
Bruvs. It's because of some dude that gives them his phone
number. It's funny as fuck.
They got blokes on there. I'm fucking earring.
They probably got some blokes on there. They're better. Sidebar, have
you seen it? I don't know if it's the Three Preach sketch or
somebody else where it's the two
different groups of these British
street gangs get into an argument.
Uh-uh. Is it Three Peat? I think it's Three into an argument oh is it repeat that's funny
it's funny as fuck because like at one point he was like like it starts i was like fuck you bring
it you know coming for the war fam and all this other shit and then it's like hey man we didn't
mean to act like that uh you know old boy over here he's been taking care of his mom for a long
time yo he left some pamphlets yo he left a cake Yo your cake is mad moist
Let me get the recipe
He's like yo fuck you and your recipe
He's like no fuck you
Bring your cake to the war fam
It's funny as fuck
I hate the three piece sketch
But it goes
But it's like okay
Okay
De-escalating
De-escalating
No no no no
It's a fucking problem
It's funny as fuck
Fight over cakes bro
Fight over cakes
Childish bro
Childish bro
Bring your cakes to the war fam But it's mad moist It's funny as fuck Micha Fight over cakes, bro. Fight over cakes. Childish, bro. Childish, bro. Bring your cakes to the war, fam.
But it's mad moist.
It's funny.
Michaela Cole, excellent pick.
She's so good.
Yeah, she's really talented.
Also, her Instagram's great because she stays on the yoga and she stays telling people,
listen, I understand that you love what I do, but I'm going to do what I do.
And you get it when you get it.
Sean, tell me your fourth pick.
I like Nia Long a lot. Yeah.
Why would you not?
I'm just saying.
I love Nia Long.
So, Nia Long.
I thought I needed a Nia Long.
I'm thrilled about her.
I always have been.
She auditioned.
She was in the last three to get Scandal.
Really?
So, it was like her, Kerry Washington.
I can't remember the other person.
Kerry Washington got it.
But it would have been Nia Long.
She would have been. She's fantastic, man. All I can't remember the other person. Kerry Washington got it. She would have been.
She's fantastic, man. All the way back to the Fresh Prince.
We're going Friday is amazing.
Then you can go all the way up to Boiler Room.
I mean, she just rules. You want to know what's crazy?
I like old me along better.
I wish it was on Fresh Prince.
Wait, what?
You just said too...
Her age is old.
I thought you meant I like old me along.
No, no, no. I like her now.
I like her as an older woman.
She's fantastic.
Boys in the Hood?
Oh, yeah.
She was in Boys in the Hood.
She's Trey's girlfriend, isn't she?
Was she in Friday?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She was the main girl.
You hit my sister like she was a fucking man Friday? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was the main girl. You hit my sister
like she was a fucking man
talking to Devo like that.
I forgot she was in
Boys in the Hood
when Trey said,
well,
we're going to get married
so why can't we have sex?
She goes,
let's get married now.
And he goes,
well,
I ain't ready for all that yet.
I get all frustrated
and you're like,
easy Trey.
I ain't ready
for all that yet.
I'm gonna need you
to relax, sir.
She is good
in Boiler Room.
I mean,
for whatever that movie is,
she is good in it.
I love that movie.
Yeah, I do too.
Yeah, man.
I just like,
I like a knee along.
I always have.
Listen,
I'm not gonna fucking
dwell on the pic.
It's late.
It's been a long week, man.
Time for my...
It's a great pic, though.
Time for my fourth pic.
Man, who am I going to take?
Everybody's wondering.
I'll go ahead and take Maya Rudolph.
Everybody's wondering.
Ooh.
Yeah.
You know who Maya is, right?
Minnie Riperton?
Yeah, Minnie Riperton.
Yeah. Is she loving you as easy because you're beautiful? Uh-huh. Do-do-do-do-do-do. I didn't know that. You know who I'm talking about, right? Minnie Riperton? Yeah, Minnie Riperton.
Loving you is easy because you're beautiful?
I didn't know that.
That was me too.
Just so everyone knows, that was also me.
Ladies and gentlemen, Minnie Riperton.
Right here.
I got it.
I redeemed myself.
And I went wolf at the end. You did fucking nail it though.
I went wolf at the end.
I was very worried about it.
I just fucking love Maya Rudolph, bitch.
She's hilarious.
She's absolutely hilarious.
And she can be very serious, too.
Can do it, yeah.
Her Beyonce is amazing.
Amazing Beyonce.
Her Beyonce is so funny.
Have you watched that show that she has with Fred Armisen?
Yeah.
It's pretty good.
What does she do?
Doesn't she do that live Prince covers, too?
Yeah, she's got a band I forget the name. Called Princess?
Yeah, she's got a live Prince cover
band. Man, she's just fucking
she just was so good on SNL
and like, I don't know, man.
The movies. MacGruber, she was awesome
in. She was great in Popstar
playing Deborah.
That movie's
so funny. I'm fucking up.
I keep trying to,
I was like,
where can I watch Popstar?
I've been trying to watch it.
Is it on Amazon?
I think it's on Amazon Prime.
Okay,
I have Amazon Prime.
I think it's on like
Netflix right now
or something too.
I think it's,
I think it's kind of out there.
We'll talk about it again
somewhere.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, something happened
where it popped up again.
Yeah,
it was on Twitter.
It was having a little moment
on Twitter again.
David,
time for your fourth of your final pick. I'm sorry. Sorry, it was on Twitter. It was having a little moment on Twitter again. David, time for your fourth
of your final picks.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, I'm yawning.
Come on, Dad.
Listen, I'm not helping.
I am great for a tangent.
The whole podcast is tangents.
They call me Tangerine.
Also a crazy ass movie.
That shit was so good too, though.
Oh, man.
Have you seen Tangerine?
They filmed it on a iPhone and it's wild. Also a crazy ass movie. That shit was so good too though. Oh man. Have you seen Tangerine? It's they've taped,
they filmed on an iPhone and it's wild.
Around the corner from when we wrote the pilot.
All right.
My fourth pick,
even though I rallied hard on our co-star a few episodes ago,
I'm taking Phylicia Rashad.
Oh,
right.
Yeah.
She's just so good, man.
Yeah, yeah.
She's just so...
Yeah, she's bilingual.
I didn't know that.
I know all my hair.
She doesn't look like the early episodes of The Cosby Show.
She doesn't.
Really?
I didn't even know that.
And they just...
Oh, like the episode...
Like when they had the beginning where they were getting out of the van?
Some shit like that.
Or like she was helping someone in his doctor's office or something.
But it's also crazy that she's Debbie Allen's sister.
Married to a University of Oregon.
Yeah, that's crazy to me.
She's Debbie Allen's sister?
Yeah.
What?
One family.
One blood sister.
One family.
Also, man, she's, I don't, once again, bringing it up again,
she's so good on Empire.
She's so fucking good on Empire.
Your husband's Ahmad Rashad, right?
Oh, yeah.
And they're still married?
Still.
Yeah.
Wait, so he's always been a commentator?
Ahmad Rashad was a professional athlete.
He went to the University of Oregon.
His name was Bobby Moore.
And then he changed it to Ahmad Rashad.
Didn't he play for the- He played basketball and football Bobby Moore. And then he changed it to Ahmad Rashad.
Didn't he play for the- He played basketball and football at Oregon.
And then he played football-
For the Raiders?
In the NFL, yeah.
Yeah.
And then he became real good friends with Michael Jordan.
That is a sign.
I don't know why you said it that hard and why you started laughing.
I laughed because the way you said it that hard.
I don't know why it was either.
So Michael Jordan has interesting nights.
What? Oh, yeah. He's a was either. Michael Jordan has interesting nights. What?
He's a bad
dude. He's a bad dude.
I heard that. He's not necessarily a bad guy, but
he's not a nice guy.
He enjoys his money. He's a great basketball
player. He was. Trash ass dude.
Did his dad get
murdered? He did.
Was it because of his gambling debt?
A lot of people think that.
Let's turn it into a different podcast.
Streets is watching. We don't need to be talking about this.
We're already on the Chicago Bull shit list.
What? What'd you do?
I don't know. I'm just pretending it's true.
How'd you do?
I like that you think we could get there. That's fun.
We dragged Lowry Markkinen's name through the mud.
We can't go to Finland.
I don't know what that meant.
Okay.
And my last one is like,
man, she never gets put up
on the Pantheon. Mostly
because I think people think she's someone else.
But she's so
fucking funny, man. Kim
Whitley. Kim Whitley?
Kim Whitley is fucking
hilarious.
You do know who she is.
You do know who she is.
Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Fucking next Friday.
Oh, I love Kim Whitley.
Exactly.
I think she gets confused
with Kim Cole. Yeah, I think so.
But everybody loves Kim Whitley.
She is on the
Curb episodes. She's so good. with kim cole yeah i think so but everybody loves kim winnie is on the i mean the curb episodes the
curve she plays the prostitute she's so good she's fucking she's so fucking funny in it she's like
even just that character on uh next friday yeah life yeah when she smokes that blood and goes
so funny man did you see her reality show?
No
So I think it was on We
But what had happened was
She was mentoring a girl
It was in high school
The girl got pregnant
And when she had the baby
When they put down the guardian
Wrote down Kim's name
Whoa
And Kim was like
Okay
So I think I have
A baby now
Cause the girl gave up rights to the baby.
In the middle of the reality show?
That's how the reality show starts.
Oh.
And then there's another actor, another guy that she knows,
like one of her best friends,
who is going to co-parent the baby with her.
The show is ridiculous.
Is it like a will they, won't they kind of?
No, absolutely won't they.
Absolutely will not they.
Absolutely will not they. Rodney Van
Johnson?
She's on that Thanksgiving
episode of Master of None as well. See?
She was the auntie. Yeah, she's the auntie.
She's just, man, she's so
fucking funny. Like, it
has been consistently forever. Like, since I was a kid, she's been in shit. And she's just, man, she's so fucking funny. Like, it has been consistently forever.
Like, since I was a kid, she's been in shit.
And she's just all, she's so funny.
She can do it really goofy or she can be really, like, point.
It's just, yeah, man, she's great.
So Kim Whitley is my final.
I'm reading about her here.
Just the last thing I'll say.
Fucking was one of the adults on All That on the earlier seasons.
Oh, yeah. She worked in the store.
And she was Brian McKnight's co-host
on The Brian McKnight Show.
I didn't know that.
She's had a career. Which existed.
Yeah.
You know, it sure did.
It sure did. I never thought
Brian McKnight had much personality.
I didn't need him to be a talk show host.
Yeah.
But do you remember when he...
You remember when he
sang to Gina?
Yes! He just like didn't...
So stiff. And she was giving so everything.
She gave him everything. And you're singing
to Gina. You're singing... I can't say her
name, but like...
Yeah, anyways, Kim Whitley.
I gotta make a
all fantasy, everything ass pick now.
Okay. I'm gonna take
Omaha, Nebraska's finest.
I'm gonna take Bad Boys
2's finest. She's from Omaha?
Yeah, Gabrielle Union. I didn't know
that. Damn, that's perfect. Yeah.
Man, I love...
She's from Omaha?
Why is she from Omaha?
No.
Why are you picking everyone you know? Because I like bad boys too.
Okay.
Have you seen her show Being Mary Jane?
No.
It's still on.
Is it good?
I don't think it's good.
It's still on.
It's not good.
I also have not gotten into Being Mary Jane.
Well, there was the episode where her gynecologist friend,
apparently she had stolen some dude's semen who she'd hooked up with,
and her friend legit had a turkey baster and was like,
do you really want to do this?
And I was like, your friend's a medical doctor.
You don't have to do this here.
You don't have to do it with a turkey baster?
No.
I guess it was just like fucking with her, but she literally had like a,
and I was like, this is.
Too much for me.
Why?
That being said, I like Gabby Union.
I like her and Dwayne Wade always being at white parties for some reason.
I met her when I was in Miami for the show.
Of course.
Was she wearing all white?
It was her birthday, and she was, for some reason, dressed as Gwen Stefani.
That's pretty funny.
She had the blonde wig on with the little twirly thing in the front,
and the tight little cut-off wifey.
And the baggy grunge plaid pants and the hanging suspenders and everything.
And then I was swag surfing and me and her made eye contact.
I was like, hey!
That's pretty good.
It's good to catch eyes during a swag surf.
Right.
And then I think the after party, I might have seen her.
But yeah, she seems like a very nice lady.
Yeah, I like that new commercial with her and D. Wade.
Yeah.
I was also told I look like her 50 pounds ago.
But that's left us.
You do look a little bit like Gabrielle Union.
I can see it.
I've heard.
I can see it.
I can see it for sure.
Thank you, friends.
I also love her.
And I love the Think Like a Man movies.
I do. I know. It doesn't make any sense. I just like them. I also love her and I love the Think Like a Man movies. I do.
I know. It doesn't make any sense. I just like them.
I just like them. Oh, man. People were so
mad at Steve Harvey for those movies.
They're ridiculous. And they're so dumb. It's just
like, I like movies where everybody's doing
okay and the problems get solved real
easy, especially when it's all black people. I'm like,
yeah, they're just all rich. Like, that rules.
But she was in, like, Romeo
Must Die. Man. What? Did I see. But she was in like Romeo Must Die.
Man.
What?
Did I see that?
She was in that.
She was like.
No, she was in.
She was in.
Exit Woods?
No, the other one.
The other.
Oh, here.
Wait, I got it up here.
Cradle to the Grave.
Cradle to the Grave.
She's in Cradle to the Grave.
She's in Bring It On.
Bring It On's one of the best fucking movies. Bring It On.
She played the mean girl in high school on Sister, Sister.
Uh-huh.
Oh, really?
I think it was on Sister, Sister she played the mean girl.
She played a lot of mean girls.
She's in all that.
And 10 Things I Hate About You, too.
She's in a lot of great teen movies.
Also playing the mean girl.
Yeah.
She's really sneaky.
Well, in She's All That, she plays a nice girl.
She's real nice to...
She's like the one popular who's nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Katrina.
Like inviting the other people to the party.
Her character in 10 Things I Hate About You's name is Chastity Church. So you know she's like the one popular who's nice. Like inviting the other people to the party.
Your character in 10 Things I Hate About You's name is Chastity Church.
So you know she's mean.
Sean, time for your final pick. My final pick is
Off Catalog and it's Regina King.
She's hilarious.
Boys in the Hood, Poetic Justice.
Some of my Higher Learning, Friday.
Did you say Off Catalog? What does that mean?
Like Off the catalog.
You know, just like.
Oh, off of someone's catalog of work.
This catalog is amazing.
Jerry Maguire.
She's all up in Jerry Maguire.
I just, I love it, man.
All those movies.
You know what Regina King does really well in her acting style in movies?
Gets her point across, my friend.
The black lady one finger head scratch.
I know what you're talking about.
Just like so.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She does it really well.
Because it's the
contemplation of, oh, I'm
definitely about to cuss you out.
Yeah, and it's like the thing I've seen in real life,
so I appreciate it mirrored in film.
Where it's like, okay, I'm about...
Like you're doing it now and I'm like uncomfortable.
It feels like you're loading a gun.
That's what it is.
I'm stacking facts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm building a case.
Yeah.
Because I'm not, when I hit you with this shit, I'm not going to stutter.
I'm not going to skip.
You're taking your time.
It starts with, like, it goes, like, the order is, like, so, one finger, think about it.
Chopper's on deck. Right. It's it's like so what you telling me is i wish that we had
a video so you could understand what you telling me is you was over at that female's house you
didn't think i was gonna know you was over at that female's house knowing good and damn well
that i'm put to find your iphone feature on on the phone because i knew you was over at the
bitch's house knowing that I know her neighbors,
all of her neighbors,
to make sure that they can find your black ass,
but you act like you wasn't over at the bitch's house.
Okay, well, tell me where you was at then.
I don't even know her.
I was at Ralph's.
That's not what your phone said.
That's not what them neighbors said.
That's not what that bitch said.
So tell me.
James had it.
I was at Ralph's for like two hours.
So all four of her neighbors done lied on you?
All four. Probably.
All four. All four. Probably. All four.
All four.
Probably.
Even Miss Johnson?
I love you.
Miss Johnson?
Fuck I love.
If you loved me,
you wouldn't have been
over at the bitch's house
in my car?
I was at Ralph's.
Uh-huh.
Thanks for letting me
use your car.
It's nice to see you
all the time.
Can I say this would be
a crazy couple?
One night.
I was watching,
in my head,
you guys were going
on vacation together
I saw the whole thing
this was on the way to the airport
the audacity of him to cheat on me
the audacity
he isn't so good
how dare you
fuck out of here
I'm just talking to the driver like I didn't cheat on her dude
I was at Ralph's I love her I love you
I'll push you out of the moving car
how are we going to get to the Bahamas if I'm not there I got her. I love you. I'll push you out of the moving car. No, we got to... How are we going to get to the Bahamas if I'm not there?
I got a passport.
Well, I love you, though.
I want to go.
Can we stop at Ralph's?
You get your broke ass out this car.
Come on.
Later, they just fuck for like four hours.
Oh, believe me, the dick game better be real strong.
It's been a while since I heard you work in an office.
I don't know what you do
no one's ever
no one's ever said
my dick game is strong
I guarantee it
as many times
as I've heard you work
in an office
turn my music up
got real buck at work
alright
that's fucking hilarious.
The fuck do you do?
We have fun.
That work.
Listen to Three Six Mafia.
Getting real buck.
Good fellas laughing several times on this podcast.
The fuck do you do, doc?
Goal set W.
Final pick.
The final pick of the draft.
Oh, man.
I can't decide.
It's hard.
There's four.
There's four. There's four.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to have to go
with the OG triple OG.
Mm-hmm.
I'm going to have to say
Nichelle Nichols.
Okay.
AKA Uhura.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Because one,
groundbreaking role
for an African-American female.
Two,
part of the first
interracial kiss on TV.
She kissed Spock?
No, who'd she kiss?
Kirk.
Yeah.
Oh, it was her.
She inspired Mae Jemison apparently to join NASA.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Damn, that's gnarly.
Also, she was going.
Back to Cali. Well, she was a back to Cali.
Well,
she was a member of the heavens.
Her brother was in the heavens gate cult.
Fuck.
Whoa.
Yeah.
That is a real twist that I did not expect.
Was heavens gate the Kool-Aid cult?
That was the branch Davidians,
right?
That was,
uh,
he died March 26th, 1997 in a mass suicide.
They were the white,
they were all wearing the Nikes.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, with the Hale-Bopp comet.
Yeah.
He was in it for 20 fucking years.
And identified himself as her brother in the fucking group videotape.
He said, I'm a whore's brother?
Yeah, you raggedy ass motherfucker.
Yeah, you got to get a job, bro.
Like he's got inside intel on how space works.
On space.
Kirk told me what's up.
This is him.
I'll be good.
And she dated Gene Roddenberry.
Whoa.
Dipping his pen in the company ink.
And that was before the affair ended because he was in love with Majel Hudek, who went back and forth in Star Trek series.
And so she's the voice of the computer in Next Generation and plays Loxana Troi.
So Gene was throwing around that Rod and Barry's.
Okay.
Okay.
All over the Star Trek franchise.
There he goes.
Okay.
Somebody pulled the ripcord.ord Also wasn't he real racist?
Dean Roddenberry?
Yeah
I thought he was a Jew
Only if you're a Puerto Rican
Yeah
No I have no idea
I can't tell you this
She was going to quit the show
Back in the day
And Martin Luther King
Convinced her not to
I mean you have to
Kind of do what he says
Because Alright And she was like What? Why? And the Star Trek convinced her not to. I mean, you have to kind of do what he says.
Because,
and she was like, what? Why?
And Star Trek was one of the few shows they let the kids watch.
Oh, yeah.
And for her to also be a black woman
and to be seen in a positive light.
Yeah.
A little girl went on to become an astronaut.
I think it was Mae Jemison or another black lady.
I think it was Mae Jemison. Here black lady. I think it was Mae Jemison.
Here's a very white thing that I recently
found out. It's very white that I only recently
found it out. That Stevie Wonder's
happy birthday song is about
Martin Luther King. I had no
idea. Oh, that he wrote it for Dr. King?
He wrote it for Dr. King. I had no idea.
Also, my favorite part is because I met
some dudes in Austin the other week
last week when I was there, and this guy told the restaurant that it was my birthday, and they brought
me a red velvet cake cupcake.
That's a great move, especially on a date.
Oh, man.
So, I mean, I think he was trying to charm your girl.
Yeah.
Do you know what?
Cute young man.
I mean, I'm going to see him in New York.
Hey, calm down.
There it is.
There it is.
There it is. Can we drop him a shout it is we got a lot of fans not yet
we'll see what he drop and then we'll see what I drop
damn
let's just hope he works in an office where you don't know
the job
I do that too
and so they start singing the happy birthday
and I see two black ladies over at another table.
And then I go, now sing the black one.
And they go, happy birthday to you.
And the white people go, what?
Fun fact, Peggy O'Leary told all her nieces and nephews that she came up with that song.
That is a really funny aunt joke.
And so they were out one day and some black people were singing it to each other and they
go Aunt Peggy they're singing your song
and she's like shh
shut up
god damn it that's funny
I was like
Peggy what the fuck but if anyone's gonna like
Peggy O'Leary shout out to Peggy
shout out to Peggy
friend of your life but yeah
Nichelle Lickles,
I have to meet her.
I have to meet her.
I've been a Star Trek fan
my whole life
and I have to meet her.
Also,
I don't know how the fuck
they got away with them skirts
in the 60s.
They were little.
They were short.
Yeah.
They were.
Some of them were part of the shirt.
It was a whole thing
with the knee boots.
Oh,
I'm familiar with the setup.
You know, they just cut hers different because she had ass.
Oh, she had ass.
Yeah.
She couldn't be, she couldn't be wearing the same dress as like green girl number four.
Back in the seventies.
That's why they made her sit down.
It was illegal to show that thing on TV.
President Nixon, yeah.
Yeah, it's the same way they couldn't show Elvis dancing from the waist down.
Or somebody showing that thang on Star Trek.
Oh, man.
Fun fact, she was also on Scooby-Doo Curse of the Lake Monster.
That is a fun fact.
Just the one episode?
And Sharknado 5, Global Warming.
I mean, who wasn't in that?
Me and Sean were in that.
And I don't even do TV, so, you know.
Who is paying for these Sharknado movies?
They're profitable.
Yo, why was she not in Black Panther?
The Midwest.
I don't know. Oh, wow. What an oversight. why was she not in Black Panther? The Midwest. I don't know.
Oh, wow. What an oversight.
She should have been in Black Panther. I mean, we all should have been in Black Panther. Yeah, I should have been in Black Panther.
As what?
They don't need banking?
Somebody's got to put this
vibranium in the bank. What the fuck is it called?
What, you're going to hide
the money in the mattress after you sell the vibranium?
It's a terrible idea.
I'll tell you this.
You put $6 million of it in the bank.
All of a sudden, that's all the fungible income you need for the year.
It's so funny to think that the king of Wakanda just had a bunch of vibranium under his mattress.
I got some Justin Cain shit.
Listen, if you don't think I got cash stashed somewhere in my house, just in case. Oh, yeah, man.
It's in the flower pots.
I got that shit everywhere.
I've got four different locations.
That's smart.
You never know when you're going to need it.
Don't let them meet.
No.
Is it?
Why do people, like, no one told me to do that.
But also, like, when I have my money, I put the smaller bills on the outside.
Oh, all the time.
Absolutely.
And somebody really said to me, it's it's like oh that's how Jews do their
money and I was like what
squirrels
no my mama told me you do your money like that so nobody knows
how much money you got in your hand
put the smaller bills on the outside
so it just looks like a roll of like ones
right yeah because if you got hundreds or twenties
all of a sudden you might get stuck up for it
right stick them up kids
I've had all my money taken twice out of my bank account just taken from me from like different all of a sudden you might get stuck up for it. Right. Stick them up, kids. Having money stashed. Keep people guessing.
I've had all my money taken twice out of my bank account,
just taken from me from like different things I owed.
So that's why I have money.
If I have money stashed, I'm like,
sometimes I might just need $500.
Yeah, taken, garnished.
Oh, you've been garnished.
Oh yeah, no, it's not like somebody robbed it.
I said it was from stuff I owed.
No, stuff I own and garnished ain't the same.
Well, one of them was just flat out. My student loans took, I think I garnished. It's the same. Well,
one of them was just flat out.
My student loans took,
I think I lived here.
They took like two,
just took every cent that I had left me like a dollar or some shit.
The other time,
you don't have to get the student loan people access to your bank account.
Fuck them.
I did not give it to them.
They,
Oh,
you got,
they came up on it.
No,
but it's just like a garnishment is like a little bit at a time from a paycheck garnished. They came up on it. No, but garnishment is just like a little bit
at a time from a paycheck
or whatever.
Oh, I know what it is.
I used to do credit reports
for a mortgage company.
I've had too many jobs.
I believe that.
I used to sell stucco.
What a thing to just drop
into a conversation.
Really?
I used to sell stucco.
I used to work
at a power company.
I used to work
at a trash company.
Stucco and stucco accessories.
Stucco and stucco accessories, yes.
Because I have sold, yeah, all the shit that goes with putting up the sponges, all of that.
Okay.
I was going to say, how do you sell stucco?
But yeah, you guys sell all this stuff.
I worked in the office and I was a bilingual rep.
So people would come in and be like, I need 17 pails of stucco.
I need the concrete.
Stucco is wild because it's literally You put styrofoam
Up on a wall
It's crazy
Every commercial building
So what it is
Is that it's a layer of
It's
A concrete mix
And then there's
Literally mesh that goes up
And then there's
A concrete mix
And then it's
Sheets of styrofoam
Anywhere from a quarter
To a four inch
Four inch is thick
Then it's a layer of concrete
and then it's the color
that goes on the outside
if you had asked me today
how I thought this podcast was going to end
not with a stucco conversation
your girls had a lot of jobs
we all ended in stucco mode
you motherfucker
that's why nobody knows what you do for a living
Out here talking like a savage
Oh man what a good one
There's too much extracurricular to get through
You got too much time doc
You're a gas planet
There's no center
Cause Travis Scott has that song called Sicko Mode
Nope
Ian can you do the recap
Yeah man great David you went first Just to be funny Because Travis Scott has that song called Sicko Mode. Nope. Ian, can you do the recap? Yeah, man.
Great.
David, you went first.
Just to be funny.
David, you went first.
You took Taraji P. Hansen, Angela Bassett, Loretta Devine, Felicia Rashad, and then Kim
Whitley.
I went second.
I took Viola Davis, Whoopi Goldberg, Queen Latifah, Maya Rudolph, and then Gabrielle
Union.
Just on a bad voice too, Henrik Beck.
It was the last round, for God's sake.
You were getting dark and going to light until you threw in Gabrielle Union at the end.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, interesting.
My friends had a fake boy back in high school called Fade to Black.
It was like two black dudes, Latino dude and a white dude.
So you put them in line and they fade to black.
Sean, you went third.
You took Pam Greer, Halle Berry, Jada Pinkett Smith,
Nia Long, and then Regina King.
Dulce, you took Hattie McDaniel, Kimberly Elise,
Diane Carroll, Michaela Cole, and Nichelle Nichols.
Damn.
Excellent picks all around.
We left some amazing people on the board.
I was stuck between
there was even
the Kayla Cole, Alfre Woodard
Oh shit.
Who I've met and is fucking amazing.
Baron had the premiere for his movie
about meeting his dad. Yeah.
I saw her and I was like oh and she goes oh you're Dulce
and I was like what?
And she's like Baron told me about you and I said
pardon me while I faint. Baron's so great. And so she's like Barron told me about you and I said pardon me while I faint
Barron's so great
and so she was sitting up talking to me
she's like talking about how she had moved to LA when she was like
I think she's like 21
and just her whole, just talking to me about
everything and I'm just like I don't have enough
brain space to absorb all of this
wonderfulness
so it's Alfre Woodard, Wendy Raquel
Robinson
people don't
give her enough credit she slept on for real so like you know steve harvey show yeah so her on
the game bruh my mama still talks about one meat juice on my lobster this is funny as fuck the game
is one of the under most underrated black all time. And it went on like 50 seasons.
It's so long.
It got, because it got cancelled
and then it got picked up.
So I think it was on the WB.
It was on UPN.
And then it went to the CW?
Yeah, but then it went to,
then BET started making episodes.
Oh, it was on the CW and then it went to BET.
That's what happened. That's why it looks so
different. Because I have a comic, I know a comic
who was just the miscellaneous
white boy football player. Yeah.
For like two seasons. I would love to have
got, that would have been, I could have nailed that.
It's probably a good gig because that shows you. He said it was a great gig.
He's like, I show up, I might have three lines.
Yeah. I get, I eat. It's like
I'm just hanging out. And then
so, and Eartha Kitt then So And Eartha Kitt
Oh
Eartha Kitt
Yeah
The only people I didn't put on
I had like Gabby Sineve
Yeah
I wanted to shout out to her
For being another plus size chick
Especially for her fucking on Empire
Just letting people know
The fat girl's fucked
And she's so funny on Empire
I also wanted to put Lupita
Anna Maria Horsford
Oh Lupita would have been great
Anna Maria Horsford
People would have
Nope
But oh
Anna Maria Horsford's a big one So she played the mom. Anna Maria Horsford. People would have, nope. Anna Maria Horsford's a big one.
So she played the mom on Friday, and then she was the security guard.
Oh, I love her.
Yeah, D on the Wayans Brothers.
D on the Wayans Brothers.
They made all those big titty jokes.
But she was originally on Amen.
Yeah, that was her big, yeah.
That was her big thing was the show Amen.
But yeah, I mean, you know, there's a bunch on the board.
Yeah.
Guys, this was so much
fucking oprah bro as an actor hey have you seen beloved yeah i've seen beloved beloved was hard
but i'm gonna tell you but uh i just wanted to say fucking oprah bro do you know that oprah and
lizzo were on the show last week and I was in Texas. Damn.
So I didn't miss the chance to meet Oprah and Lizzo.
You'll meet Oprah and Lizzo.
I don't know. I know.
Definitely.
I don't know if the world was ready for that.
Listen, I don't think it was.
It would have split open and been like,
oh, it would have split open.
Yeah.
All that black girl magic.
Yeah.
That's too much magic.
Oh, and I was going to say Jennifer Lewis.
Oh, yeah.
Jennifer Lewis, too.
What's her name from Fresh Prince, the original Ant- yeah Jennifer Lewis too what's her name from Fresh Prince
the original
oh
what's her name
she started acting again
and then something happened
I think she started
talking shit again
yeah she started
talking shit again
she talks heavy shit right
she should
she's right
when Jennifer Lewis
came to the show
after her interview
it was like me
me
Latoya who's
the assistant wardrobe head
and then Enid
who's our makeup
who does hair and makeup
so we're just standing there and she's coming out
and she goes black women come here
and so she hugs all of us first
and then she goes
white girls come out
and then she hugs all of them
Jennifer Lewis was amazing
before we close this I just want to say that Jennifer Lewis
on the breakfast club saying you can't take any more of my summers is the best shit.
She's talking about living life and like enjoying and she's like I only have a few summers left.
You can't take any more of my summers.
My summers are mine.
And I was just like man bless your heart.
There's a video of her talking about being on antidepressants because she was bipolar.
She was a sex addict like She has all the stuff she talks about
in her book.
In the interview, she talks about how she
wouldn't take antidepressants.
She's like, I'm not going to let them turn me
into a fucking zombie. I'm Jennifer Lewis. This is what
I do. I was like, oh shit, I got to
watch this every day.
I'm Jennifer fucking Lewis. This is what
I do. I'm not going to let you turn me into a fucking
zombie. But then she said she ended up taking going to let you turn me into a fucking zombie.
But then she said she ended up taking him,
and it really helped.
Also a Broadway actress.
Anyways.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Done everything.
There's so many.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, Audra McDonald.
Yeah.
We've been at this for hours.
We fucking did it.
This is great.
This was so much better than what we were going to talk about.
It's pretty stuff.
Hit us with yours, All Fantasy Everything listeners.
We want to hear if there's anybody
we left out
any oversights
we want to hear
your picks as well
hit us up at
all fantasy pod
on twitter
all fantasy podcast
at gmail.com
true story
shout out to everyone
on the AFE subreddit
shout out to
super producer Marissa
who I've never met
oh yeah
you will
oh man we gotta have you
come in the studio
shout out to
Saint Sue Carmel.
There we go, there we go. Mommy!
Shout out to Mary A. Hill. Yes. Sarah
Borisoli. I know you're listening. I love you.
Kelly Jordan Moberly. She'll figure out a podcast one of
these days. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to
Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats.
What?
What do we do at the end?
Shout out to Bad Baby, because the Gucci
Flip Socks song is on. Shout out to Bad Baby. Shout out to Bad Baby. Listen, people might hate her, but. Shout out to bad baby because the Gucci flip socks song shout out to bad baby
shout out to bad baby
people might hate her
but
shout out to J Balvin's
haircut
shout out to
Christian Siriano
and Eleven Honoré
for giving me a beautiful
dress for the NAACP
awards
shout out to Eloquii
for the dress I'm wearing
now
shout out to
the black tux.com
shout out to black dicks
shout out to all dicks
shout out to etiquette
at the Emmy Awards shout out to all dicks all dicks that dicks shout out to etiquette at the end of your walk
shout out to all dicks
all dicks that I've met
and all the dicks I will meet
black dicks
come here
white dicks
that's how I feel
a lot of the time
guys what if I open
all my shows like that
I'd fucking
yeah absolutely
more important
than all that though
tune in again next week.
Woo, my battery.
We are on like 2% battery.
Tune in again next week for another brand new episode
of All Fantasy Everything.
Shaklakity!
Beep, beep, beep, beep! that was a hate gun podcast