All Fantasy Everything - Candy Bars (w/ Roy Wood Jr., David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

BARS.Episode Guest:Roy Wood Jr. @roywoodjr (IG: @roywoodjr)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. City Winery in New York City. It's me. It's Josh Gondelman. It's Shane Torres. It's Emmy Blotnick. You can get your tickets now to come see that show. It's going to be great. The next day, January 5th, I'm going to be at the City Winery in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And on the 6th,

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And, uh, I just love you guys. So I can't, it's been great meeting you to everyone who's come out on the road to see me already. And I just love you guys. It's been great meeting you in person. I want to meet even more of you in person. So I'll see you out there on the road. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode,

we're drafting candy bars. Our guest today is the stand-up comedian, daily show correspondent, just wonderful person overall, Roy Wood Jr. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me, as always, are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that has a hard out. So let's get into it, baby. Sean Jordan is here David

Borey is here Roy Wood Jr. is here Roy you wanted to draft candy bars you recently said when you joined the zoom that you were the number one candy bar seller in the 1996 baseball uniform fundraiser is that true indeed Ramsey High School we used to sell chips like every black high school you had to sell and I don't know if it's every black high school but i know high schools in birmingham in the 90s yeah you all sold some form of a fucking treat or snack to raise money so it was either turtles or pecan logs or it was potato chips or it was snicker bars like like you, the South is known for having those kids on the off-ramp with those random, this is a $3 fundraiser chocolate,

but you'd really sell it for five and pocket the two. We still get, like, in my neighborhood. Yeah, go on, Dave. In San Francisco, there'd be all these kids in my bus stop who were, like, for sure 20, and they'd be like, hey, I'm raising money for my basketball team. I'd be like, you're here with your child. Yeah. That's what we were having dinner in L.A.

And somebody was selling candy bars. And my wife asked some penetrating questions. About? No, you can't dig. It was crazy. I was like, well, I was like, I'm going to buy one for sure. We're probably going to buy a few now the way i looked at it is that if you're lying about selling candy bars for kids then you're this is the last thing before robbery yeah yeah go ahead and buy a candy bar. So, yeah, here's $2, man. Don't rob people.

Yeah. It's a fundraiser for a good cause, no matter what way you slice it. Also, you walk out of the situation with a candy bar. Like, you can't lose here. It's fine. Yeah, you do have a candy bar. And we are drafting those candy bars today on All Fantasy Everything. The way we determine that order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.

Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. Unnatural victory. An unnatural victory. He throws a paper against two scissors. I'm about to shake up the world.

Victor, he throws a paper against two scissors. I'm about to shake up the world. As the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, David is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you it's a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question.

I just started watching the new season of Winning Time and a serpentine draft is kind of like what the basketball does on a three-man weave. So the people weave, but the basketball itself goes across, down, back across, down, back across, down, back across. Sort of like a snake. It's a perfect explanation.

Forward, then backwards. Forward, then backwards. I'm going to try to go off on this guy. Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round RIP to winning time by the way it's all done I just started the second season

it's fun man the people playing Magic Johnson and Larry Bird and Kareem especially were like in a show about like actual athletes who exist it's hard to find people doing that better than winning time he's that tall. Let me ask you a question

about that brother, Quincy. I'll find his last name in a second. I try to make sure to know the names of actors. Quincy Isaiah. Quincy Isaiah. Is it your dream come true to

play a legend like that in a beautifully produced series for a network like HBO and then find out you don't have Magic Johnson's blessing because all the Lakers fucking hate the series. They hate it. Even Magic? Magic? I don't know if Magic hates it, but he for sure ain't cosigning that shit. Kareem hates it. Kareem is like, on the record, I'm going to write an op-ed about y'all. Right.

Yeah, which is so Kareem. Which is very Kareem. According to the show, he's a real dickhead. Kareem hating it is almost like a seal of approval because it's like, he hates everything but the reboot of Veronica Mars at this point. How's Larry Bird feel about it? Larry Bird's just like, yeah, I love it. Larry Bird's like, what's HBO? I'm on a farm somewhere.

What I love about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is that he doesn't hate tweet. He doesn't talk shit. Fuck that show tweet. He just goes, I wrote 14,000 words for The Atlantic about the disparity between the portrayal of 1980s cocaine culture as it relates to the it's like whoa bro there's gonna be some shit woven in there about the AIDS epidemic and it being sensational like you'll like feel bad

have the system failed Norm Nixon just like all this I'm over here like just say you didn't party bro just say you didn't party but it's a great show I'm happy for that cast. But that was the one thing I really wish they could have had. I really wish that, you know, the show had been embraced a little more by the actual, you know, people that, you know, the story is being told about.

It would have helped. It would have helped to get a Magic Johnson tweet where it's like the television show Winning Time airs on HBO Sunday nights at 9 o'clock. Just one of those purely factual Magic Johnson tweets. Yeah. Yeah. You know the ones where he's like, LeBron James is going to need to score 24 points here and get 12 rebounds. As they are 25 points down.

I wanted Winning to go like 10, 12 seasons. So they would get all the way up to the magic Johnson late night show. Oh yeah. The magic hour. Who's playing young Mayim Bialik, like sitting on the panel. Old Mayim Bialik.

They're going to do the Irishman. Yeah. Do the CGI Young'em up. As long as she doesn't have to kick the shit out of Joey Lawrence, I think we'll be able to get away with it. By the way, I went back. That's one of the best theme songs of all time. Absolutely.

Awesome. One of the best theme songs. In my opinionation, is that that one? Yeah. The sun is going to show. Yeah, that's a good one. In your opinionation, David, what will the order of today's draft be there he goes i gotta go first sean second roy third and fourth oh baby hot corner hot corner back to back well let's get

right into it we're not even taking a break before this david boer you have the first pick in the candy bars all fantasy everything draft everything draft. What will? That first candy bar. Well, you don't fuck with candy all that much, so this is fun. No, I don't fuck with candy all that much. You do know that. So that's why this first I'm going full villain. I want you to know I don't give a shit about you. I hate you. And I'm

going to go evil from the jump because fuck you. First of all, number one pick in the candy bar draft. I'm taking Almond Joy. What? Jesus. Fucking Christ. It's delicious.

Fucking. It's good. It's Kelly Jordan's favorite candy bar from way back. You got my mom's seal of approval. Me, AJ, and nobody else. I don't give a shit about you guys. Drafted a role player.

It's gonna work out better than you all thought. Need to roll a toilet paper to barf it up. It's gonna work out better than you all thought. Everybody talks shit like Almond Joy hasn't been around for 60 fucking years. It's one of the originators. It started this candy bar shit and this is the motherfucking things it gets

no I take it where it deserves there's been Almond Joys in my freezer for 65 years too I like an Almond Joy I love coconut I'm with you I don't even like candy bars like that but I like Almond Joy

as a kid I would trade, but I like Almond Joy. I don't know, man. As a kid, I would trade for it after Halloween. Almond Joy. Really? What a sucker. You would just collect fucking Almond Joys and mounds? Did you eat mounds too? No, no, no. Mounds are for psychopaths.

He feels like a nut. They're on the same street. That's like three musketeers in fucking Milky Way one of them has a whole thing in their house one doesn't I will say a man's the nut's a big difference the nut is a big difference because your teeth just

keep going the man's is like a gas planet it's like Venus you can just keep flying all the way through it man I don't acknowledge Mounds. You know. Almond Joy with the first overall pick? Yep.

Almond Joy. I like the colors. If you gave me an Almond Joy sweatsuit right now, I would wear it out. Well, that's not fair. Of course. It is good. That's not fair. That's not fair.

I'd be furious if you did. That's probably the dopest sweatsuit you're going to get out of these they don't have commercials anymore they don't have endorsements they go by pure product quality of product it's a good point you bring up though not a lot of these candy bars

they don't have ads anymore like a lot of these because Almond Joy is like broadcast television they're letting it die with the baby boomers you know what I mean? You're going to watch CBS till this country goes to hell. It's forever and ever, baby. It was invented in 1946 because after World War II, we thought anything was possible. First of all, I will say that era, everything was candy.

We've been rationing meat. Well, the boys came back from the big war and invented a coconut candy bar. Wouldn't you know? What are the boys doing after they fought the war? Coconut. That's what they're doing. They used to ship out boxes of mounds to the troops and every one there would be an Almond Joy. It was the lucky.

And then they would just run onto the beach rather than eat that shit. They were charged up by the coconut. They'd just go get in the boats like, there's got to be another battle, right? They'd run up to those Nazi tanks, stick an Almond Joy to it, and then run away. And then that disappointment would kill Jerry. All right, well, you'll be remembered as a madman or a genius, but there's no in-between there. Sean Jordan, what is your first pick in the candy bar draft?

I've got I mean, I got to go just first thing popped in my head. Snickers. It's the best candy bar. It's got it all. It's not too big. This is the best one I could think of. It's got all the got all the ingredients that I want. It's been my go to since day one one I feel like that's the candy bar that's the closest to real yeah yeah that's such a David

thought I was ready to accept it like you're right it is the closest to real no because I've had times where I was down bad I had no money but like you get your snickers that'll get you to tomorrow you want to talk about the ad campaigns you talked to me about patrick chewing all day long what's up ryan you remember that yeah well they've kind of pushed it

so this i think and maybe this speaks to how it's not that great of a candy bar something you can't take back i'm taking i'm saying everything their marketing has been like are you hungry eat this which would also be the marketing for like a cliff bar you know what i mean or like uh or like a an apple right but it's also the worst thing you could eat if you're fucking hungry if your body is saying it is is your metabolism. And they're like, yeah, sugar stick. We used to get like to go skating all day. We'd go get like a bit, the biggest Mountain Dew they had.

And then the biggest Snickers they had, that would be my fuel for the day when I was 16. And it works that way. My heartbeat's a little fast now that I'm 41, but that's neither here nor there. I'm saying that should have been sneakers. Like I snickers, like actual marketing campaign. Like, are you to have, is your, is your heartbeat too pleasant?

Why wait? You going on a first date? I mean, snickers still advertisers. And I mean, they still have like all of the, I will say that if you're just going, and then also just for the sake of this draft, when we draft, we're drafting that brand and I can't come behind you and go Snickers almond. I think I get them all.

No chance. No chance. No, no, no. I think it's in play. I'm picking OG Snickers. If somebody takes Snickers almond, you're insane. Speaking of gear, do you remember that I think it's called Smell Your Dick. You remember that song? That guy had a Snickers almond. You're insane. Speaking of gear, do you remember that? I think it's called Smell Your Dick.

You remember that song? Yes, I do. That guy had a Snickers. You thought I wasn't going to remember that song? The guy in that video was wearing a Snickers jacket, a leather Snickers jacket. Do you remember that? Yeah. It was a Snickers NASCAR jacket.

It was crazy. A Snickers jacket. Ricky Rudd, NASCAR jacket. Ricky Rudd was sponsored by Snickers. You can still get these on eBay. Kyle Busch Jr. too. There's too many Snickers flavors. And I just think it's...

There's a big word alert. The Doritofacation of American snack foods. I'll take it. Is a real problem. Oh, so you read my thesis? Well, as you can see, I have all of my honorary degrees. That's right.

See, I'll take anything you got. Just give me regular Snickers. I don't need Snickers peanut butter. There's peanut brownie. The Snickers ice cream bar wasn't bad, but the problem was that the ice cream and the caramel didn't melt at the same time. At the same rate.

So you had a viscosity bite issue. Snickers hazelnut, we don't need. We don't need Snickers made with almond butter. White chocolate Snickers. It's like, why? I'm sure some of this shit is probably foreign country shit though. It's what? I think it's I'm sure some of this shit is probably foreign country shit, though.

It's what? I think it's just to get, it's to get your Sean Jordans. This man is a consumer. They market to me. Give me all the Mountain Dews you can think of. Give me all the Doritos

you can think of. I'm all over. I'm in there like swimwear for all of them. Blasphemy. I'm not a purist in any. Nacho Chinis, Cool Ranch. The end.

Bro. Oh, no. You don't like taco Doritos? Oh, no. I know this like taco Doritos? Oh no. I know this sounds very much like God created two genders. There are no other flavors. Let me correct my inflection. There's a Cool Ranch and there's a Nacho and that's it.

It's Nacho and Ranch, not Nacho and Steve. Yeah. You can identify as a spicy sweet chili if you want to but i know that you're a cool ranch sometimes it's like it's a spin-off thing sometimes you get a joey sometimes you get a frazier you know what i mean sometimes you get like a solid spin-off that sticks around frazier's coming back. Anyway. Yeah, but without Niles, dude. Yeah, yeah.

Roy, it is time for your first pick. I've been looking at the draft board here, boys. Snickers almond? There's a lot of good ones to go through here. But pound for pound. And this is also when you're deconstructing a candy bar.

It's really good if you eat it piece by piece. Like, you know, as a kid. So I'm going to go with the OG Twix, preferably caramel. None of that cookies and cream fuck shit and all of that other stuff that they do with the Twix. What about peanut butter?

Come on. This is caramel only. fuck shit and all of that other stuff that they do with Twitch. What about peanut butter? You fuck with the peanut butter Twix? Nonsense. Come on. This is wild. It's so early in the morning for all these hard to piss. It's crazy. It's still on the board. That's what peanut butter Twix is. Twix is... That was going to be my first pick.

That is fantastic. It's also two. It's two. The downside to Twix, and I can't explain it, but I feel like the chocolate melts differently. The chalkier chocolate. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not the same. And I know it's the same company. I imagine the Twix room is next to the other chocolate that's going for other shit. But for whatever reason, that Twix chocolate, if you catch a bad one, it's bad. It's bad. Like certain candy you can eat, you can soldier through stale. You cannot eat a stale Twix.

The chocolate flakes off of the cookies. The caramel is dry. So all you're left is just with a cookie stick, which I can eat by itself, which I low-key, I cannot prove this in a court of law. I believe that the Twix cookie is a Girl Scout tree foil. Oh, I like this. Bring this up. These are the theories we're here for.

It's a butter cookie for sure in there. Ding, ding. Yeah. Now we get into the actual crumbling, the way it bites. Listen, the crumb per bite rate is similar to a fucking tree foil. Yeah. So I cannot prove it, but I really feel like if not, then I would suggest someone make homemade Twix. I'm saying.

With Girl Scout cookies. Yes. I would have thought it was a Lorna Doom. Y'all know about Lorna Dooms? I do know about Lorna Dooms. Lorna Doom is a commercial Girl Scout cookies. Yes. Uh-huh. I would have thought it was a Lorna Doon. Do y'all know about Lorna Doons? I do know about Lorna Doons. Lorna Doon is a commercial Girl Scout tree foil. Yeah. Not the same flavor,

but if you're jonesing for a Girl Scout cookie out of season, Lorna Doon will get you through. If you go to like a restaurant where they come up to the table and say, we do things a little different here,

it's small plates, you know what I mean, that kind of thing, and you see on the dessert menu, like they've done a homemade Twix. I'm going to get that Twix every time because it's like, it's a cookie forward dessert,

or a cookie forward candy bar, which is not common. Yeah. Not common. You're not going to get a lot of other of those in the draft. Well, and you get a little drum. You can drum before you eat it.

You know, you can give yourself a little drum roll. You can do both at once. You could break them into fourths, dude. It's a, it's also a texture. It's a texture. You would break them into fourths.

Give yourself walrus tusks with them. That's fun. That's a fun thing that someone could do. Yeah. Just leave them hanging out of your mouth. Yeah. What do you mean? Go about your business.

Scrape the caramel off the top. Go to the bank. Do we all say, how do we say caramel or caramel? How do we do it? It's caramel, right? Caramel. Caramel. I'm a caramel guy. Caramel. Caramel. I'm a caramel guy, but I'm also a heathen.

So do you say Twix would have like cookies and caramel is what you'd say? That's what I would say, yes. Wild. Is that wild? That's wild. Of all the things I've said a mask the whole pandemic is wild but that's just like that was crazy this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by schedule 35 now microdosing is an

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I might have to go crazy here. It's the fourth pick it's the late it's a late first round this is where you can get a little spicy with it i'm taking a take five bar yeah whoa yeah what the fuck yeah thing is the five layers right don't they have like some cherry in there right cherry nuts nougat i don't think there's cherry i don't think that there's cherry involved am Am I an asshole? Really? Well, you're an asshole, but I thought there was some pink in there. No? No.

Roy? No. No. I don't even think I've ever had a Take 5 bar. I feel like that's on the same shelf with O. Henry's and Fifth Avenue's. It looks like a nutrition bar. Can I look at it? Like a protein.

It looks like they should sell a Take 5 at GNC. Like a Weight Watchers bar or something. The Reese's Take 5. It is a super group. It's chocolate, peanut butter, caramel, peanuts. And hold on for a second here. Now, wait a minute. If you have a second, I'd love to tell you the fifth ingredient.

Sure. Pretzel, dude. It's got pretzel in there. It's got pret there it's got pretzels are good for you a lot of different groups at that party i don't i'm not sure you can make sure a fight doesn't break out it's going well so what sometimes that happens that doesn't mean it's not a good this was pitched and approved and produced it's it's real in god's in god's kingdom by jesus This was made in the same vein of the guys who made Weekend at Bernie. Yeah.

It was some guys who got an eight ball and were like, let's make a candy bar. I'm not saying cocaine wasn't involved in the creation of Take Five or in the consumption later on by me. Those five ingredients sound like a prison yard to me. Yeah, yeah. Pretzels got to hang with the caramels.

If you're not good with the caramels, you got to get over there with the peanuts. Hey, this is too much. This is too much. Give me in there with it. Oh, Roy, funny you should say, in Canada, it's known as the O. Henry level up. So it is in that same family.

But yeah, I think, listen, you're going to see people, I know the people online are going to have my back on the take five. It is a passionate, it might be a smaller group. Not as a first rounder. Passionate. Well, thank God all the people online are going to get your back. They know what's going on

for sure. Notoriously a trustworthy group. This feels like the tight end of candy bars. Like you didn't have to draft this high. Would you rather have Rob Gronkowski or Zach Wilson? Because I feel like I just got Gronk. Well, Almond Joy's off the board, so he couldn't go with first round talent.

Right, exactly. Zach Wilson's gone. Hey, I came from the heart. I love my little weird team. I'm with it. Take five, Playboy. I feel you. Take five is a bold first move.

And it's mine. All right. Take five, Mark. I've never had one. I've also never had one. You think I can't get fucking crazy for the rest of my picks? He's back to back on his pick. I'm back to back.

And now I got to go Emeritus pick. This has been my lifelong favorite candy bar. When I was on the Late Late Show, I mentioned it, and they sent me 200 of them, the company. 200 of these bad dudes. Fresh, by the way. I'm taking the Butterfinger. Yeah. Oh, crispy,

crunchy, peanut buttery. Peanut buttery. Only gripe is it sticks in my teeth. That's the only thing. That was always what was hard for me, too. I'm eating it for 20 minutes after. Can I tell you something on behalf of myself and the Butterfinger Corporation? They have a new

formula. It doesn't stick in your teeth as much. Taste hasn't changed. You're the representative for R.L. Butterfinger. They went right from Bart Simpson to Ian Carmel, and it was a seamless transition. The Butterfinger's another one that's tricky when it's stale. Amen.

It's the same. It's kind of the same. It's a slightly different problem though. It's always stale. I feel when it's fresh, it's perfect, bro. It's perfect.

When the orange inside of a butterfinger looks a little oily or greasy or shiny, like you got a good one, but when it's chalkyy like a Chico stick, where it's just like this pale, dusty orange. Shout out on the Chico stick. I can just look at the interior. One bite, I know what I'm working with.

And it's my fault when you roll the dice with a fucking parking deck snack machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like no one on the fifth floor. The re-up on this machine is probably twice a year. So this shit's been in here a while. The person who stocked that machine's grandchildren are dead. Like, it's like that level.

You'll go in there, you'll find, like, cigarettes without warnings on them in the same vending machine. I feel like my issue with them is I feel like the majority of Butterfingers I've had in my life are some type of bite size given out at school. Yeah. And that they were always hell of a stale. Yeah.

Because that middle part is like eating something that's not food when they're bad. Well, you get that chocolate that like, sometimes if you get an old one, it's like the chocolate and the Chico stick have been on a long road trip together, and they weren't that good of friends. So when they finally get to your mouth, they're just like, all right, I'm out. And immediately, the chocolate's out. And then the Chico stick's on its own. Like, well, I had a good time. I feel like the bigger a Butterfinger, the higher the chances you're going to get a good one. Yeah.

Am I crazy? It feels like the little ones are usually not great the tiny bite sizers because real connoisseurs are keeping those king size moving that's why yeah because fun size just sits up post halloween until yeah whenever your doctor finally can get rid of that bullshit whatever reception desk you're gonna have to scrape it out of my cold, dead carcass. I was going to go with. Well, I'm next. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I was I was going to go with I'm going to go with a mainstay from my high school fundraising days that this was the one candy bar that kept me in debt because I was one of those kids that i didn't tell you this off air i very much got high on my own supply when we were selling snacks oh yeah i would fucking fuck up my own supply and then the money would be due and then i'd have to reimburse myself by stealing money out the register at the subway i worked yeah by writing off sold sandwiches as burnt bread it was absolutely a system wolf of wall street penny stock type shit but we pulled it statue of limitations just came up on that so this is 94 birmingham i'm good um 100 grand bar oh shit yeah i love rice crispy treats i love chewy and the caramel in the 100 grand to me is superior to all only the caramel cube is a more superior piece of caramel this is better than milky way it's better than snickers caramel It's better than Snickers caramel. It's better than Twix caramel.

The fucking 100-gram bar. Two little mini fun size in the same little pack. And yeah, that's the one. A little crumbly on the bite. It's not really something you can eat on the go. No. Like, I wouldn't recommend it on a plane and just have chocolate bits on your shirt. Roy, it's a $100,000 bar.

You're eating this with a knife and a fork at a white tablecloth restaurant, my friend. This is not... After my small plates. I like that it's a little chewy. It's kind of chewy, you know? It'll sit in there for a while. But not snatch your feelings out

chewy as a man over 40. Which is what I have to be concerned about. Shout out to Sugar Babies. Yeah, I had a filling snatched out one time by like a square, one of those square caramel things. My people had my filling snatched out by the Nazis.

By the Nazis. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Who sells that candy bar? Cadbury, weirdly. The 100 gram bar is fantastic. And also also i never think about it enough i'm never like let me pop over to 7-eleven for a hundred grand bar but when i get one it's always a joyous occasion it's like carrot cake it's just there amongst other shit but you never seek it out

it's never the thing you're in the store for. You want to hear something crazy? That's still go out and get. Carrot cake. And maybe we'll do a cake draft one day. It's my favorite cake. Well, I don't know,

man. Favorite cake. Number one, unless I can take ice cream cake, which feels like cheating. Your favorite cake has vegetables. That's right. You want me to, you want me to bum you out real quick?

My favorite cake is German chocolate. That's all right. That was pretty nice. I chocolate we can't write off everything the germans did der kovatsky german cake this guy loves coconut from way back yeah i do i like mounds man i'm not franz wagner i just think you could have got it later but i'm with germans that the germans dropped that cake after world war ii like on some apology shit they should they absolutely When did that recipe come out? They should have. They absolutely should have. They were like, all right, we've been sitting on this.

Sorry, Viv drops the cake. No. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, Viv drops the cake. Oh, well, shit. Oh, whoops. Sorry, I just mixed up my draft board. There we go.

Sean Jordan, 100 grand bar off the board. Sean Jordan, you got the Snickers. What else is going in your bag? When I had a paper route, when I was a kid, I started my paper route

when I was like eight or something. Took it all the way through late middle school, which was a mistake. But a mainstay through that whole time was a hot chocolate. I'd get done, I'd get a hot chocolate, and then I'd get a Caramello.

So Caramello is my second pick. Stretch it out. Caramello. That's a great loved it that's a great commercial that's a great really only get four bites if you're if you're doing it right you can't bite one of the cubes in half that's just ludicrous so it's like a it's only a four bite candy bar but ah it's action-packed real simple runny runny caramel love it. Very loose. You pop the whole thing and it's like that gum that bursts in your mouth. You know, like a gusher. Like a gusher. I remember that candy bar being melty as a bitch.

Yeah. I remember it was so melty. That wasn't a real pocket candy bar. You kind of ate it like outside of the gas station. And I was a warm-handed child, so it was a problem. Hot little hands. Hot little hands. Hot hands. Hot hands. I had to get old to realize it was a problem. Hot little hands. Hot, hot little hands, dude. Hot hands. I had to

get old to realize it was a fallacy, but yeah, I was a hot-handed kid. This one is not a fan of this one. I'm a fan of you. I love you, and far be it for me as someone who took take five first, but I don't know. But I think there's a deep emotional wound

because my last name is Carmel, and if you don't think people one, but I think there's a deep emotional wound because my last name is Carmel. And if you don't think people call it a little fat kid, Caramello, Ian Caramello. That was, damn it. I could, if my last name was fucking roast beef or like if I was Ian Beef Wellington, I would not have had a harder childhood. Well, you'd have a lot more money if you were Ian Beef Wellington. If I was Ian, if I was Lord Wellington, dude, for sure. You'd have a lot more money if you were Ian Beef Wellington. If I was Ian, if I was Lord Wellington, dude, for sure.

But like, it was a fucking, to be in the 90s, which was probably the last golden age of making fun of fat kids, with a last name that sounded like a candy, was a hard one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you ain't wrong. But that's not the Caramello's fault. They couldn't have known that. But still, it's a loose... It's hard to see this go... Oh, my God.

You can buy caramelos bread. Yeah, baby. I bet you can. I don't like that. It's like people who buy the Biscoff spread instead of Nutella. It's like, eat a Biscoff. Eat a Biscoff.

On an airplane? Are you kidding me? They got those for sale at Costco. I didn't know you could... I didn't know those were Stroopwafels. You need to be 30,000 feet above the Earth's crust to enjoy a Biscoff. It tastes different in the air. I can't explain it.

It's just one of those things. Yeah, 100%. It's not champagne unless it's from that valley in France, and it's not a fucking Biscoff unless you sit next to someone farting in the khakis while they read a USA Today. Unless you sit next to a nurseing in the khakis while they read a USA Today. Unless you sit next to a nurse on Delta. That's right. It's the great equalizer.

Everybody wants their snack. It's one thing about a plane. Everyone's like, you want a snack? It doesn't matter how arrogant you are, how much money you have. Everyone's like, yes, I'd like a snack. I'll dig through you. I don't know. Everyone's a little kid on a plane.

Anyway, Caramel. David, time for your second and third picks, bud. Another classic. I got to take, or not another classic. Another classic. Another bad creation? ABC, BBD. Boys, man.

I'm taking a Crunch bar. Yeah. Oh, a Nestle Crunch. A Nestle Crunch. Just a classic. It was the first candy bar I ever fucked with where it was like, you got more mileage out of it because you would just suck on it until you got to the crispies. Does that make sense?

Story of my life, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I mean, it depends on what kind of savage you are. It's like a Hershey bar, which is just, do you bite the chocolate and crunch, crunch, and chew, chew, chew? Or do you just throw it up in your jaw and just let the slow time release of chewing tobacco yeah like getting this drizzle out this is how i knew i was aging i started out with a crunch crunch smash and then as i got into my elder years yeah i was a drizzle i was a slow drizzle i loved it it's one of those candy bars that like if you break it it

breaks like the meth on on breaking bad like it just shatters into pieces you know what i mean it's not like that's the most south dakota reference you've ever made a crunch crunch bar breaks like the meth y'all and it says crunch on it it's great like are you like into like a little like in a basement somewhere cooking up uh back alley crunch bars yeah dude yeah breaking it into glass shatters a crunch bar. You're blue, man. It is blue. It comes in a blue. Oh my god. Is a Nestle Crunch the inspiration for Breaking Bad?

I believe so. Do y'all feel like you used to see Nestle Crunch everywhere and now you don't really see them anywhere? It was big and then it fell off for sure. What happened to those? I don't know see them anywhere? It was big and then it fell off for sure. What happened to those? I don't know, but you're right. They're not even in Little Bite Size Guys anymore.

I will say this. Their partners have taken over. Going back to the Frazier-Joey analogy, Nestle Crunch Bar, hands down, probably one of the best spinoff treats, the Nestle Crunch Bar, which probably one of the best spinoff treats the Nestle Crunch bar which I would argue is more iconic

than the Nestle Crunch candy bar the ice cream bar the Nestle Crunch ice cream bar oh yeah you might be right about that the Nestle Crunch ice cream bar

to me is superior to its to the OG to the original. It's like a Nepo Baby that outpaced its famous parent. It's like Chris Pine. Yeah, it's Ken Griffey Jr. It's Ken Griffey Jr.

It's a Ken Griffey Jr. situation. The Nestle Crunch Bar is good, solid. Ken Griffey Sr. Perfect. Everyone loves you. But man, the sun sun have you seen it son on that ice cream truck in the fucking school freezer just fucking killing shit that bar is fantastic they didn't do too much it's just ice cream and then the shell which is a nestle crunch

shell they didn't there's not too many ingredients ice cream the crunch show if there is one criticism to be levied at the nestle crunch bar is that there's a lot going on with it and i mean god bless it it was invented in the 1930s what was it supposed to do you know what i mean it was like these other ones that take five stood on the shoulders of giants but adding that vanilla ice cream element is he is i mean it's a addition. Take five, that's like a fucking Xbox 360. Nestle Crunch is like an NES classic and you just gotta respect the bare basics of it.

It's just little squares so you can feel like you're not a savage and eating all of it at one fucking time. Yeah, I am. But he doesn't have to feel like that. David, excellent pick. And your third pick. Man, this one is like you you remember in the 90s, there was a lot of candy innovation?

Sure did. And oftentimes there was a race to get the newest, freshest shit. And I remember when this dropped and having it and being like, oh, shit, the game's changed. This is different now. I'm taking a Hershey's Cookies and Cream Pie. No! Yeah.

Oh, fuck you. I thought I could get that late for sure. Because it came out... It's another one you got to eat slow. It's not a chopper. It's not like I got five minutes, I got to be back. It's rich. You take your time with it. Yeah.

Because it's white chocolate. And white chocolate is a whole other fucking game. That's like sipping whiskey. That's what I'm saying. It's for a refined palate. This candy bar is finding Hato Turkoglu beyond the arc, dude. It's getting Brad Miller in the post. It's a Jason Williams.

It's more of a 10 year old candy bar than an eight year old candy bar you know what i'm saying it's for refined palates it pairs well with wine yeah it is man this also like when you were a kid for the most part you were opening candy bars and they looked like chocolate you're opening you know what i mean and then all of a sudden this one like a lot of stuff was happening there was a green power ranger all of a sudden he had like a dragon shaped zord and then there was like a candy bar you opened it and it was white it was crazy looking did you say zord yeah something like that what are they called mechs zords the zords what there was i'm trying to think There was another like candy bar around that same time That was like

Some weird new innovative Let me Nestle had the Alpine White back in the day If you remember Yeah that was for Supremacist though Yeah even the commercial was a white woman singing Yeah that was I wasn't drawn to it.

Seriously. That theme song was in my head last night. N-E-S-T-L-E-S. Yeah. And sweet dreams. Yeah, she goes, creamy white, alpine white. Nestle makes the, and you're like, bro. And it was like, they're in the Alps.

Is that what you just said? Like on a horse or some shit? Germany did release that after World War II. That's a Nazi part. I can see why white people feel like they're losing the country. If you took that commercial off TV, that was like a good

subliminal white power. White is the best. I don't even know if it was in your face. face Yeah that was crazy Michael McDonald handed the baton directly to that woman And then she just threw it into the ocean I honestly don't think my mom would have bought it If I gave it to her at the grocery store

If I put that in the cart She'd be like you gotta go back I'm not getting this I'm trying to think when I started fucking with white chocolate That was some shit that you just stumble upon like at some wedding reception I remember it was when

Hershey's did the black and white kisses that was my first ever introduction yeah you remember that the hugs they were called yeah I feel like we discovered that. It was one of those periods where it was like

you date a girl for a while and then you break up with her, date somebody else, and then you're like, wait a minute, she was the one. You go back and you marry that one. And it was like chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. And then it was like, what about white chocolate? No, I gotta go back to chocolate eventually. Our country did that with white chocolate.

I feel like my mom, that was like the. Like our country did that with white chocolate. I feel like white chocolate. I feel like my mom, that was like the only thing she pushed on me was white chocolate, where she's like, you got it. White chocolate is the good, like white. I swear she was about it when I was a kid. Which is crazy because it's not even chocolate, right?

No. It's like a different part of the cocoa bean or something like that. It is cacao. I thought it was something different. Let me dig into it while Sean Jordan makes his next pick. like that it is cacao i thought it was something different um let me dig into it while sean jordan makes his next pick this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you

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in there. It's really hard to find the time for that, like those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard. But it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself it can weigh on you more than anything else

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to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash AllFantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash AllFantasy. Sometimes I want to feel sophisticated when I have a candy bar. I want to be able to take it to a dinner party and break it up a little bit. I want to feel well-traveled. So I'm going to take a Toblerone.

Oh! Right this way, Santa. The Reader's Candyone. Oh, okay. I know we were going to Europe. The Reader's Candy Bar. Oh my God. Motherfucking diplomatic immunity. Investment banger. You get like 15 pieces.

They make Toblerones the size of my leg. They're all over the place. You know what I'm talking about? Those big ass like yard long Toblerones. Yeah. That's the chocolate for people trying to figure out, you know, how to fucking run the country. Right, exactly. Influence elections.

If we're going to rig this election, we need to meet next Thursday. Bring the Toblerones. Yeah. To Bohemian Grove candy. And the Girodelli chocolate. Did I pronounce that right? I'm a broke bitch. I worked at the Cheese Island at Hy-V-v and i didn't think i'd find

a new candy bar in the cheese island and that's where they sell the toblerones and i i'd never had one didn't i'd open it i was like no way it's just a candy bar in the cheese island in the fanciest part of hy-v you know it's hard to get your jaw around a toblerone every now and then you know what i mean it's like you gotta really a Toblerone every now and then. You know what I mean? It's like, you gotta really like, ah, it takes up a lot of real estate. Break off a little triangle. Nah. Alright.

Alright, then, sorry. I'm gonna piss you off. What chocolate is sugar, milk, and cocoa butter, but no cocoa solids? Okay. It is the superior chocolate in flavor i do think there is something like i i wonder like i was very very ignorant to toberon to start i will admit that i was very anti just because hey man i got my rotation i know what the fuck i like

yeah i don't need nothing else and i'm're like, trust me, you haven't had chocolate until you had this fucking chocolate. And I was like, fuck, you're right. This shit really is amazing. Who was in your face telling you that? The woman I no longer date. I should have listened to her because she was trying to make my life better

and I just kept rejecting goodness. And I don't understand why you won't let happiness into your heart. This is a different draft. What is the Toblerone really, Roy? What are we really talking about when we're talking about Toblerone? I love you. Why would you let me love you? I got my candy bar rotation.

I hope she's listening. She is, she listening. She is. Roy, the Toblerone cannot be in your rotation because Sean just took it, but what candy bar is? We're going to stay white chocolate and we're going to go Kit Kat. The white chocolate

Kit Kat. Oh, those are good. It's not everywhere. It's Oh, those are good. It's not as common. It's not everywhere. It's Christmas, I feel like. Right? It's just Christmas? For the most part.

And then you're back into, is this a fresh shipment or is this leftover Christmas white chocolate I'm about to buy in June? I'll take leftover Christmas. The white Kit Kat has also made its way into the Halloween candy sphere because it looks like skeleton buns. The white and orange labeling, the Kit Kat branding is already orange naturally. So, yeah, I'm going white chocolate Kit Kat. That's the one. I know that there's been some posts online about people biting Kit Kats the wrong way. Yeah, I've seen this.

And apparently you're not supposed to break them. You're supposed to break them into singles and eat the single stick. But apparently there's mad men who just bite that bitch. Who just goes in there and doesn't break it off. You mean eats it like a square? Like a sandwich? Yes.

That's the only psychopath test I need. That's the kids who chop the top of the string cheese you're gonna go to juvie i'd switch schools if i saw a kid doing that this is a good opportunity to talk about the world of kit kat bars outside of america and how much they fucking wash us in terms of like the flavors they have available like in japan they're like fucking green tea they got like mango and shit they're like going crazy with the Kit Kats overseas, man. The best, they don't have it anymore,

but in Tokyo, Japan, 2009, ginger ale Kit Kat is the best thing I've ever had in my life. And you can't even buy it anymore. It doesn't exist. What?

That sounds so gross. It's gone. Are you serious? It sounds gross to you? Yeah, it does. That sounds crazy. I'm sure it'd be good. No, that's like...

No, to some, it's terrible. There's also a wasabi-flavored and a strawberry-flavored, and I also saw a guy eating this wasabi and strawberry-flavored at the same time, and the idea of like

a spicy, strawberry-ish thing intrigued me, but I didn't do it. You know, that guy's putting lines of Coke in between each one of the Kit Kat ridges. That's a Michelin chef right there, man. That's like... No, I've had the wasabi ones

and I've had the strawberry ones and they're great. They're fun. Well, have you had a Tony's Chocolonely? Because that's my third pick. A what? A Tony's Chocolonely. You know it if you see it.

Is this a regional candy bar? No, that's a guy in the Bronx that just got broken up with. Tony's Chocolonely. You know it if you see it. Is this a regional candy bar? No, that's a guy in the Bronx that just got broken up with. Tony's Chocolonely. It's not a regional candy bar, but it is... You're picking up pasta. It's an expensive... What it is is an expensive grocery store chocolate. You know what I'm talking about? If you Google Tony's Chocolonely,

it's got a specific branding. It definitely came out. It feels like it hit the national scene. Like within the last 10 years, it is a Portland, Oregon ass candy bar though. They don't make it there, but it's a hipster.

It's a hipster candy bar. Oh, I've had those. They're vegan. Those are vegan, right? They're delicious as well. I don't know if they're vegan or not.

Well, there's some Trader Joe's candy. I know exactly. They sell them at, um, what's not, is it Whole Foods? What do we just have here?

New seasons, new seasons. They sell them. You can definitely get it there. Yeah. It is a Dutch, what's not, is it Whole Foods? What do we just have here? New Seasons? New Seasons. They sell them at New Seasons. You can definitely get it there. Yeah. It is a Dutch, it's a Dutch chocolate bar. It's from Amsterdam. I don't think it's vegan.

It's definitely not vegan. Really? I thought my vegan buddy told me to buy him some. So he's a liar. They might make vegan ones. This isn't vegan. It's just a delicious, it's from Amsterdam, milk chocolate bar. It's tasty.

It's chunky. It's blocky. It's got a great chocolate to it. I dig the packaging. It's the kind of packaging where I'm like, I think this is better for me than like a Hershey bar.

Is this one of those candy bars where on the back of the label it tells you the fucking story of the guy who- Absolutely. My uncle- Absolutely. used to have a field and in that field he found a cocoa bean and then with that single cocoa bean he started the company my uncle bernard chocolone and he never mentions his parents vast wealth or anything like that yeah

that's exactly that it's exactly that kind of candy that means it's good. I am a Caucasian 38-year-old from Portland, Oregon, and I love that kind of shit. If you have a story, if there's a short story, if there's a George Saunders short story on your product, I'm going to buy it. I don't care what it is. I'm in. And time for my fourth pick.

Wow. Alright, I'm going to go fucking crazy. This is a situational candy bar. This is situational. This is, I'm stuffed. I had a big dinner at not that great of a restaurant. I'd skip dessert,

but I do have a tiny bit of a sweet tooth. We're on our way out. What's that by the check-in desk? In Andy's Mint? I'll take one of those. I'm taking the Andy's Mint. Does that count? Yes. It's a tiny little bar of candy. Tiny little bar.

Tiny little bar of candy. Flat-ass mini Kit Kat. Tiny little bar of candy. It's just enough. It's chocolate. It's mint. It melts in your mouth. I'm on my way out. It doesn't even count as dessert. You know what's wild?

You never want a second one. Nope. That is wild. It's just enough. The portion size is correct. It would be overpowering, I think. The first one's good, but you don't need a second one. When I get fun-sized candy bars, I always get three, so in my mind powering i think the the first one's good but you don't need a second one when i get like fun

size candy bars i always get like three so in my mind this equals a candy bar yeah so i've had a candy bar andy's mint yeah that's solid andy's man that's a good one had to take it roy time for your fourth pick um i'm going baby ruth only because Superior Nougat, hands down, the worst structural design of any fucking candy bar. You're going to be wearing that motherfucker halfway through. You take one bite and fucking Baby Ruth chocolate just drizzles down your fucking chest and all over the place. It is a horrid design. And they've done nothing to flatten it or... And what is this flake chocolate

that y'all are using anyway? This is another one where the chocolate is in a... Same building, but different chocolate. Don't know how. But the nugget is fucking worth it. It's worth the mess. When will Congress approve infrastructure spending for the Baby Ruth bar

so we can fix this woeful situation? How many more bars have to collapse? You have to eat it straight up and down if you don't want to get any mess on you. You have to take it all the way back and take a bite so the chocolate just falls into your mouth like cliffhanger.

It's another one of those melty melty chocolates. Yeah. It's also a fun fact. It's one of those situations where like if you're a young little like intellectual kid like I was you can learn a fact which is you know it's not named after Babe Ruth. It's named after Grover Cleveland's daughter or like whoever

it is like kind of thing. And then you can be annoying about it. You get a little like a factoid. So two treats for me. I think that's a good fact. I think, yeah. Baby Ruth. That's my one. Baby Ruth. Sean Jordan. I'm a savory boy. I've always

liked savory more than sweet. Really, the one savory candy bar I could think of was also, I just love it. My grandma used to give them to me. Salted nut roll. Kind of Baby Ruth. That's candy bar. My grandma used to give them to me. Salted nut roll. Kind of baby roosty. Without the chocolate. It's just like salt, nuts, and then like a cream in the middle, kind of.

Sounds buck when I describe it like that. Oh, these things. Yeah. They're really good. And they adhere, the nuts adhere with like a loose caramel. It keeps all the nuts together. Yeah. It's kind of like a pecan log, a loose caramel. It keeps all the nuts together. Yeah. It's kind of like a pecan log a little bit.

Is that nugget in the center? I'm looking at it. I don't know what it is. It's like a... It is nugget. It is nugget. But it tastes like butterscotch-y or something. It's got a certain kind of taste to it.

I don't know. It's hard to say that's your favorite candy bar in middle school. I'll tell you. Yeah. I bet it is. It's a tough one to claim. Like, really? I'm a salted nut roll guy. know it's hard to say that's your favorite candy bar in middle school i'll tell you yeah yeah i bet it's a tough one to claim like really i'm a salted nut roll guy but you were raised by your grandparents real close this is clearly my grandparents had custody of me yeah when i

when i went to my grandma's crib she'd have a basket of candy bars and this is one of three that were always in there i'd be like it was a whole bit i'd be like i'm hungry and she'd have a basket of candy bars and this is one of three that were always in there i'd be like it was a whole bit i'd be like i'm hungry and she'd go go to the cupboard and like to your point earlier where it's like i should have got food but someone some untrustworthy either there's something either whimsical or untrustworthy i can't put my finger on it about a candy bar that doesn't feel like it has to have a silly name it's good man, man. You'd like it. I know you pretty well. This is like an Obie Trice candy bar. Have you ever seen it? It's very bare bones. Have you ever seen it?

Real name, no gimmicks. Just a roll of nuts. Salted nut roll. This is like what they would call a candy bar in the Soviet Union. It's not called like a sizzle dazzle or like a Piccadilly surprise. It's salted nut roll. What do you want to do with the wrapper?

I have my salted notherol rations. And because it is secular holiday in place of Christmas, it is time for your salted notherol. Enjoy. Yeah, man. Fantastic. David, time for your fourth

and then your final pick in the lightning round. My fourth. This is a weird one. I feel like it never got its due, but I've always been a huge fan. I'm taking a whatchamacallit. Yeah, bro. That was going to be my last pick.

They're amazing. Yeah. And the only flat, thick candy bar. It's the only one that's like flat and thick. They're all either flat and thin or like, yeah, dude, it's you could hurt someone with that. It's like a leather jack. If you go into a black hole, there's a Whatchamacallit at the back of it. Yes, yes.

It's another one that I feel like got pushed on us real hard in the 90s, and I bought all in. I bought all in. Whatchamacallit. Yeah. The 1920s and the 1990s. Choclity, chocolatey. They had the fun commercials. What's in the middle? Whatchamacallit. Yeah. I'm in. They just never thought of a name. They had a fun commercials. What's in the middle?

Whatchamacallit? Yep. I'm in. They just never thought of a name. They had a placeholder. Yeah. We'll get to it. They never got back around to it.

It's cocky. They were in their bag. Their candy bag. David, what's in your candy bag? The final pick. Okay. How do I round this out you know what i've always been a big fan of this candy as a genre so i'm going within that genre i'm taking a reese's fast break oh yeah okay yeah reese's

as a as a brand has it's consistent like i'm giving you shit about the take five but in terms of how they integrate peanut butter into different flavor combinations exactly nobody's doing that nobody's doing a lot and i feel like fast break was their first bar if i'm not does that have cherry am i a prick i one of these has cherry why do you keep trying to i don't think any of these have cherry nothing has cherry big candy if you're listening to push cherry? Any of these have cherry, my dude. Nothing has cherry, dog. Nothing has cherry. Big Candy, if you're listening, put cherry in some candy.

I'm right here. You're Big Candy on the internet? Yeah. I've been here the whole time. Big Candy, baby. No, sir. No, sir. None of these have cherry. There's one that has cherry in the name that has cherry.

Sean, why don't you pick a cherry candy? It's your pick. Twin Bing, baby. What? Oh, you fucking goober. I love a Twin Bing, and they got cherry. All right. Twin Bing.

Yeah, they look like poop, honestly, if you look at them. Look at this shit. I have not even heard of these. You're taking some Midwest candies, and that is your bottom bracket. South Dakota baby born and raised. D have not even heard of these. You're taking some Midwest candies. And that is your bottom right. South Dakota baby born and raised. Drafting from Europe. Yeah.

Yeah, Twin Bings. It's my Aunt Leslie's favorite candy. She put me on a lot of plans. I knew Leslie liked them. I didn't know anything. I love them, man. My mom will still send me Ziploc bags full for the holidays. Toblerone and Twin Bings.

Twin Bing. Yeah. Anyway, they got cherry in them. So there you go bags full for the holidays. Toblerone and twin beans. Twin Bing. Yeah. Anyway, they got cherry in them. So there you go. What is the shell of it, though? This does look like a turd. It's like chocolate peanut butter. It's like if you seriously. It looks like a macaroon to the naked eye. Like if I walked up on this and be like, this is a macaroon, but then you slice it.

Pretty much. It's like peanut butter chocolate mashed together. It looks nutty. Like if you did scrunch a poop into a little ball it would look like that I think with cherry nougat in the center it's a wild man's pick it's a wild man's pick Roy your final pick

this is a lot I have a lot of I have a lot of candy bars that you know I'm going to be looking to pick up in free agency. Absolutely. At the conclusion of this draft. But I think I have to round out my team. I got to go traditional, man.

I got to go Milky Way. Yeah. I know everybody loves the Snickers, but I think the Milky Way yeah I know everybody loves the Snickers but I think the Milky Way is smoother it's easier it's basically Snickers for people with a peanut allergy that's really all this shit is

sometimes you don't want to smash a peanut I mean yeah Snickers is just you don't gotta fight there's times where that's what I want it's good to have a singles hitter in the lineup man somebody gets on base time for my final pick I'm going to Heath Bar

on its own you're a big smashing to a blizzard whatchamacallit laying right there I respect that Heath it has an easy name Heath it has a person's name it's like a Craig Bar or person's name it's like calling

it's like a Craig bar or a Dave bar it's Heath baby Isaac those are our picks what's your pick is the super producer pick no one took

Three Musketeers right no it's on the board I'll take that yeah it is actually one of my favorites and I'm glad that it was on the board our own personal

D'Artagnan taking the Three Musketeers fantastic thank you to recap David you went Thank you. To recap, David, you went first. You took the Almond Joy. And then the Nestle Crunch,

the Hershey's Cookie and Cream, the Whatchamacallit, and the Fast Break Bar. John, you went second. You took the Snickers, the Caramello, the Toblerone, the Salted Nut Roll, and then the Twin Bing. Roy, you went third. You took Twix, 100 gram bar, white chocolate Kit Kat,

Baby Ruth, Milky Way. I went last. I took the Take Five, the Butterfinger, the Tony's chocolate only, the Andy's chocolate mints, and the Heath bar.

We're out here. Andy's mint is a solid one. What are you picking up at free agency, Roy? Rip them off real quick. The Zero bar. Whoa. Only because I'm a nougat addict um the zero bar and then the rhesus classic peanut butter cups even though the chocolate melts on

the bottom for no fucking reason yeah it's the weakest it's the most bitch made chocolate of all of the candy bars. That chocolate melts. You barely touch it. It just... It's like they're... Yeah, it's insane. You got to... Those are...

When we... So, Roy, I don't know if this ever happens to you on The Daily Show, but on The Late Late Show, anytime we would mention candy in the monologue or anything like that, we had people... And maybe because you guys have a journalistic integrity, you couldn't do this, but they would just send us boxes of fresh candy. So we would get fresh Reese's, fresh Twizzlers, all this fresh stuff.

Off the factory floor, they would send it to us, and it was so fucking delicious. You gotta work those angles. I said something about Mountain Dew and hot sauce, and they sent me their sample Baja Blast hot sauce. You did not get some of that. I was trying so hard on the internet to get it.

I entered like five different sweepstakes or whatever, lotteries to get it. I'm glad you lost. I respect both of those items individually, but collectively, Mountain Dew and hot sauce should never fucking have a baby. Sean would drink that on ice, I guarantee it. A glass of it. We want to hear your candy bar picks. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter,

AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the... Oh, shit, Roy, where can people see you on tour? I'm sorry about that. My name is Roy, just .com or put an at sign in front and you'll find me. We're touring coast to coast, coming up Seattle and Tucson before the end of the year. Fantastic.

Go see Roy Wood Jr. in Seattle, in Tucson. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, the AFE Shlackity the AFE subreddit Shout out to super producer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos Shout out to St. Sue Carmel Shout out to Frankie Ocean, shout out to Hajubi Shout out to Sid the Dude and more important than all that Tune in again next week to another brand new episode

of All Fantasy Everything Shlackity that was a hate gun podcast