All Fantasy Everything - Crews from Movies (w/ Katie Nolan, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: August 18, 2022We've all fantasized about being an added member to a dope squad! So this week we're drafting "Crews From Movies!" So gather your closest and mostest and listen together! Guest: Katie Nolan... @katienolan IG: @natiekolan Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverything Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is all fantasy everything.
The podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture.
On today's episode, we're drafting Cruise from Movies.
Joining us today is friend of the podcast, Emmy Award winner and Guinness World Records holder, Katie Nolan.
You can catch Katie commentating on Apple TV Plus' Friday Night Baseball.
I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me, as always, are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey.
Let's get into it. welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that is coming
to you directly from a lake yeah disgrunt Discronald. Richard Linklaker.
It's great, man.
Richard Linklinker?
Lake Bell, dude.
Lake Bell, dude.
Richard Linklaker.
Lake the Lake Roberts.
The Lake Lake Show with...
Lake Lively.
Ooh, Lake Lively.
There we go.
Yeah.
Jake the Lake Roberts? Lake the Snake Roberts. yeah um jake the lake roberts lake the snake roberts yeah it's tight finnegan's lake oh there we go that was good that was good now what if i don't
get that one that's all right what but you're irish yeah it's for you finnegan's finnegan's
what finnegan's guinness lake doesn't rhyme with Guinness or Jameson.
Wake. Finnegan's Wake.
Finnegan's Wake. Finnegan's Guinness!
Finnegan passed on
because the creature got a hold of him, I take it.
Do Irish people, and you're, I mean, you've never been
to Ireland, but do people in Ireland drink Guinness
like that? I don't know.
What were we saying at the bachelor party?
Ian, didn't you keep looking down the table
and you're like, shouldn't you be in steerage? Didn't you keep saying that at the bachelor party? Ian, didn't you keep looking down the table and you're like, shouldn't you be in steerage?
Didn't you keep saying that at the back?
I did.
I did.
I said to you, Mike Malloy, half of Shane Torres,
everybody I can get my hands on.
Shouldn't you guys be in steerage?
Are you Irish?
It was weird in the back of that steakhouse.
Oh, I felt way too.
It was good, but I felt way too.
Way too drunk? Man man it's like when
your friends all get together and talk about the party that you weren't invited to i'm sorry katie
i ordered a twice baked potato for dinner a steakhouse after drinking for 17 hours was it
loaded no does it matter yeah it was delicious. It was good. Everybody was getting steak, surf and turf, lobster, all this stuff.
And Sean Jordan ordered a twice-baked potato.
And then people started, it got put down on the table.
Because we had rounds of appetizers.
People were like, ooh.
Somebody ordered a twice-baked potato and we started eating it.
And it took Sean halfway through his potato to tell us it was his.
Shut up.
You let them eat your dinner?
I was pretty tossed.
I wasn't necessarily too concerned about the dinner.
Damn, that's like white girl wasted.
You got a potato for dinner?
Yeah, you got a potato for dinner.
And you let everybody else eat it?
Oh, I bet he went to his hotel room and started a blog.
He was white girl wasted.
Yeah, I was tight. It was a a good time it was a gay old time we had a fantastic it wasn't that crazy it wasn't that crazy i won a bunch of money
what's the craziest thing that happened shocker won like 1900 dollars yeah were you guys like in The Bellagio. Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, okay, then.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Huh.
Ian got the Drake suite.
I got the Drake suite at the Bellagio.
That's a thing?
It looked like it.
We're calling it that.
It had a view of the fountains?
I mean.
It was bigger than any house I've ever lived in.
Same.
It's bigger than my...
I think it's bigger than my actual house. Did it have stairs in it? It was like 2 any house I've ever lived in. Same. It's bigger than my, I think it's bigger than my actual house.
Did it have stairs in it?
It was like 2,000 square feet.
It was crazy.
Whoa.
I feel like you have to get a suite at a bachelor party in Vegas because otherwise you're in
the world the whole time.
Yeah, that's a good point.
And you can't have that.
No, you can't have that.
Not at this age.
Not at this, because when you're in the world the whole time, you have John Jordan.
I wouldn't have paid you.
I wouldn't have been able to. Constantly, just constantly putting money down on roulette no can't have that but that is roulette it was fun did anybody do craps yes yes i did hell yeah hell yeah of course conception
ian you were over there i was trying to figure it out.
This guest list is making me so emotional.
Who else was there?
I feel terrible that I didn't invite you.
No, I'm a girl.
Girls never get invited to this stuff.
It stinks.
I followed a gender-reinforced bachelor party.
Yeah, it's pretty fucking ancient of you.
It's pretty outdated and misogynistic of you,
but I accept it, you know?
That was the theme of my bachelor party, outdated and misogynistic. Outdated and misogynistic of you but i'm i accept it you know that was the theme of my bachelor party outdated and misogynistic outdated and misogynistic yeah none of the things
we did were boys only like for sure no like we were like we should go shopping this afternoon
there's no boys only activity let's go to the pool and get 30 slushies that was that was like
both the afternoons you pushed for that i didn't even want it when i
saw the price i loved hanging out with you and i wanted to i loved it i wanted it i was there to
spend a couple bucks i spent a couple bucks and hung out with my friends sean bought me a 32
mixed drink it was a dollar per ounce and i cherished every second of it what do you want
to do the whole point of vegas is you don't have to i guess maybe is that for ladies you just don't
pay for anything the whole time that you're there this pool you go ahead and pay for it yeah i did though i'll tell
you this so they brought me a hennessy for free but i paid about 500 and chips for it while i was
waiting so that's how they get you yeah they take forever if i recall correctly to get you that free
beverage and i wasn't in the take forever mood so yeah well yeah you're a little
impatient they'll bring you pretty much anything though you can be like give me a capri sun and a
bowl of milk and they'll come out with that stuff they have everything back there they're like task
rabbits they're like task rabbit yeah it was tight uh but the only answer is now i have to have a
second bachelor party yeah that's i think, the best solution here. A mixed
gender. The only way I'm going to be made whole.
Mm-hmm. We're gonna make
that happen. We're gonna make that happen.
Sean is Jordan on Twitter.
Sean Cougar Mill and Jordan on Instagram.
Sean, up $800
at one point on the roulette table.
And then? Down. Down
completely. Down $200 at the end of the trip.
Is that right? Did you go past the okay?
So we went under.
We dipped below.
Ace Rothstein got it back.
Blackjack was fucking you up Saturday night, man.
You just kept cashing hundos.
That's right, everybody.
You heard that.
Wasn't it like lower stakes?
It was like $20 hands or $5 hands or something.
It was $25 hands.
$25 hands.
It wasn't like
it's added together the two that you said and it makes the one that it actually was
it was fun i mean shit i wanted to have a good time i had a good time i had a run that night
though i won like i won like uh like five bills in 25s yeah we were we were chatting up the dealer
old jim jam that dude was. He got to the point where
he'd look at his hand and
tell it. He'd be like, no, you don't want to hit. Stuff like that.
What? It was fun. Well, no,
that's not how that happened. Is he remembering
that correctly? That sounds
not. That's a fireable offense.
Sean was shit-faced. What he
meant was he would be like, don't buy insurance.
He wasn't like. Oh, okay.
He was telling you not to do the
dumb thing he wasn't like i thought he did a couple times like jokingly do that well that's
what i was wondering like if they give you a certain amount of leeway when there's idiots at
the table no of course not the whole thing is built on idiots at the table they love that's
their money yeah but you want to keep them. So like if you could do that
to let somebody like...
They're going to stay
because they're idiots, dog.
What they were doing was like,
because you're allowed to have
like the suggestion book
at the table.
So he was basically doing that.
So like if you were on like a 12
against the face card.
Oh, he was giving you like the rules.
Like typically what you do here
is not him.
I thought it was Hans.
He was just telling me how to play the game.
I give him an extra hundred.
Thanks for all the help, Jim Jam.
And he goes, those are the rules, man.
You could have watched.
He was saying like, you should, you should hit on a 12 against the face card or like
that or whatever it is.
You know what I mean?
He would say like that.
All of the things that have kept me from ever sitting down and playing blackjack because
I don't know those.
And I would be mortified at a table to be the person who's like, what do I do here? All of the things that have kept me from ever sitting down and playing blackjack because I don't know those.
And I would be mortified at a table to be the person who's like, what do I do here?
So I've never played blackjack publicly.
You just play like the next card's a 10.
Just assume every next card is a 10.
It was nice because we locked the table down.
So it was just like we all knew each other.
So that was fun. It made it a lot easier.
That's good.
To look like a buffoon,
which I did. I'm not a good gambler.
You were up pretty high.
Yeah, you were up high.
Yeah, but it was just fun.
Somebody gave me $20 for a shirt.
It faded the night before.
Right when we got there, I put that on red,
and it turned into $100 in two minutes
because it was just roulette.
Then I got it at $200. Then Shocker had a hundred, or no. That's all I do.
I got a 200
and then shocker,
I think,
pulled me away from the table.
And then,
yeah,
well,
it's like so simple
and can go so well.
It can go so wrong too,
but you know,
when it's going well,
I was up 800 bucks at one point.
You feel really lucky
when you hit.
You're like,
ooh,
I said 17
and it was a 17
Am I magic
Me
It was tight I remember already spending the money
And then I start thinking like well if I just keep going
The new roof's paid for so I might as well just keep doing it
Right exactly
That's such a dad thing to say
Bellagio took care of that roof
That's right
Planned Hollywood did the gutters
Yeah No it was tight I had a blast Blasio took care of that roof That's right Planet Hollywood did the gutters Yeah
No it was tight
I had a blast
I went up 600 on Blackjack
Throughout the whole weekend
Damn big on the weekend in general
Just like paying for dinners and what not
Wait is that how it works?
Yeah you gotta buy dinner and stuff
The bachelor does the paying for the stuff
Oh no everybody kicked in It was just expensive meals Yeah, you got to buy dinner and stuff. You got to pay for food. The bachelor does the paying for the stuff? Oh, no.
Everybody kicked in.
It was just expensive meals.
It was just expensive meals.
I'm not judging you.
I'm just trying to understand boys.
I don't know that there is an established bachelor party set of rules the way there is for like a bachelorette party.
I can't imagine anybody went away up on the weekend except for Shocker.
Yeah. And even him narrowly like we all spent way just from like hanging out and shit you know yeah and then like tomahawk steaks
can't take it with you exactly no no i ain't man i'm not mad at it at all although i'm trying to
convert my money into ghost dollars which we will we which we'll get into in a later episode and opening investment opportunities for a hundred people yeah much later yeah much later okay uh
david borey is here cool guy jokes 87 on instagram not on twitter in i think the outfit of the
weekend yeah at the bachelor party the top golf outfit oh yeah yeah i had to bring some of the beach
to the desert oh god they had a pool right behind our bay i like to think of myself as the oasis
because i'm working class and drunk
you guys watch that documentary it was very good no. No. You never watched The Oasis?
Oh, about Oasis.
Yeah, I did watch that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was very good.
Yeah, it was fantastic.
What platform is that on?
Showtime.
I'll give you my password.
Sean's got it.
Yeah, it's dank.
I'm sure Dan has one.
Yeah.
He should, right?
He better.
He better.
He's part of the reason I got it.
Hell yeah.
We love to hear that. I don't have a paramount i
don't have a paramount plus or whatever that network's called i've never had cbs login
information yeah me either viacom yeah all right sorry keep going what do you what was your outfit
oh it was just a it was like yellow shorts and a fancy blue shirt hell yeah it was big i went bermuda it looked like billy
ocean sang it on to you yeah yeah that's how it felt too it was very good i don't think he's ever
saying anyone's clothes on i think it's mostly no the other way around yeah the caribbean queen
oh hell yeah david you look cool as hell yeah where'd you get he just got
the background on his phone oh man that pops up when laura calls
you should see what pops up when i go
it's just a picture of katie uh yeah no what was i saying what i'm saying dates now is what
i didn't say my dates this This comes out the 18th.
The 18th.
So the 19th, come to Faded Denver.
Yedoye Travis is going to be in town from New York headlining.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
I'll be hosting.
And then September 15th is probably the only time I'm going to run this new hour in Southern California.
So I'm going to be at the Elysian Theater.
Come see that.
Also September 5th, right?
And we're going to be at the Elysian.
Yes.
Something like that.
Or the 4th?
No, the 3rd.
The 3rd.
The 3rd.
Or the 3rd.
But the 15th, yeah.
Go to the Elysian theater and buy tickets i gotta
sell it out or else my kids can't eat dinner that's right and uh you know other than that
i'm around don't worry about me oh watch beavis and butthead i worked on it oh hell yeah i feel
like i've said that's the three things you've said so far but i mean all of them i do yeah
watch beavis and butthead especially the music videos
and you know just uh pray for my fantasy football team because last year it was bad
i know man i got saquon barkley a lot of weird moves oh no i know he's always hurt yeah i feel
like that too i also feel like julia know what this is that's not the point if it was a fantasy dudes and like high and you know like short inseam shorts league saquon barkley would still be like a
number yeah fantasy dudes with dangly earrings also yeah yeah man they're back it's they're back
so hard dangly earrings the lawrence taylors man they were gone for 20 years i'd love to see you
in a dangly earring, Sean.
Never did it.
I bet you'd look like a stripper.
Yeah.
I wouldn't look great.
We're all going to be at my wedding soon.
I mean, there's an opportunity for Sean Jordan to wear a dangly LT earring.
My suit came in yesterday.
Shit.
What kind of earring might go well with that suit?
A dangly one.
Yeah.
Are you wearing a suit, Katie?
Yes.
Yes, I am. Let's just show me the color so we're not matching i just don't that'd be so embarrassing i'd rather roll the dice
i just want to i think it'd be great if we were matching
i'm more of a roulette guy but i like a dice roll too hey i'm going no tie i decided i'm going no
shirt so yeah what yeah just a suit no problem yep just'm going no shirt. What? Just a suit?
No problem.
Just a suit, no shirt.
Damian Lillard?
Pulling the Jodeci?
I'm going to shave my chest for it and everything.
Hell yeah.
Real quick, I forgot, but
speaking of Faded,
just come out to Faded
August 25th in Portland. We have Subha Agarwal
coming and I'm thrilled about it
They've all been so dope
Our hour is insane
It's so so good
Everyone's been so cool
It's been tight
It's been about one week since the last Faded
Come out to August 25th
Anyway
Do it
Katie Nolan is here Hi to August 25th. Anyway. Do it. Thank you. Do it.
Katie Nolan is here.
Hi.
At Katie Nolan on Twitter.
Yeah.
However,
it's Naty Colon on Instagram.
There it is.
Just to keep it fresh and new.
Put a thing down,
flipped it and reversed it.
That's right.
That's what happened there on Instagram.
How are you doing?
How's your summer been?
It's been good.
It's been busy.
And by busy,
I mean once a week, I fly to a location, usually across the country, and watch a baseball game out loud for everybody.
And then I really don't do anything else for the rest of the week except immerse myself in the two teams of the next game I'm doing.
But this week, the reason I can do this is because we're doing the Mets.
Oh, wait. By the time this comes out, it won't be this week.
But I don't have to travel.
But this week, we're doing the Yankees.
I think it's –
Oh, fantastic.
Which I'm very scared of because I don't – that team – I'm a Red Sox fan.
Right.
So, like, historically, in my blood, I've got heat and I have to go there.
I think let it out.
I think like empty the clips the whole broadcast.
Yeah?
You want me to die?
No.
I think you got to go full.
That's the only way they'll respect you.
Yeah, they ain't going to do nothing.
Okay.
Well, I wouldn't count on that.
They ain't going to do nothing.
The opposite of love is indifference.
You know what I mean?
Let it go. All right. I think't gonna do nothing. The opposite of love is indifference. You know what I mean? Let it go.
Alright. I think that's your move.
Okay. So that's, well, we'll all
find out together. We'll all find
out this Friday.
Implicate me in it.
Feel free. Yeah, it's Ian's fault.
Yeah, drag my name into it.
Please do not implicate me or
Viacom as it is. We are
in no way affiliated with the Yankees in any way.
And he's saying that sarcastically.
Of course, get David involved.
Please don't.
The Rockies are so bad.
The Mets have that big fat dude, and I'm into that.
Vogelbach, is that his name?
Yeah.
Let's do it.
They got a big fat dude and a relief pitcher who comes into what sounds like
Klezmer music.
I know it's probably not,
but it's amazing.
The whole place goes nuts.
It's so cool.
The trumpets.
It's awesome.
David,
you'd like it.
Isn't it crazy how America's getting so fat.
We're seeping into all aspects of the culture.
Here's the deal.
There's a lot more fat basketball players than ever before.
As a kid,
I didn't even know that was possible.
No,
it was just escalate. That's why I think this is the best. Like the a kid, I didn't even know that was possible. No. It was just Escalade.
That's why I think this is the best.
Like the other day, Vogelbach ran from first to home and somebody was like, I can't believe
somebody on the broadcast was like, I can't believe he wasn't winded after that.
And to me, I'm like, listen, this should prove to you more than anything that athletes can
come in all shapes and sizes.
When I was growing up, we thought they had to look a certain way. And now it's like that guy did exactly what he was supposed to do, a very
athletic thing. And he's clearly an athlete and he looks like that. So I love it. I imagine my
heart is healthier now, but it's not any easier for me to go up a staircase than it was before
I lost the weight. You know what I mean? But how well can you throw a slider?
What kind of slider
are we talking? It's not about throwing a slider. It's about
catching one right here in my mouth
and I'm as good as ever.
Shout out to
sliders. Shout out to small burgers of all kinds.
Letting us lie to ourselves. Yeah, and
two seams. Yeah. Two seams
sandwiches, slider sandwiches.
I like a slider because like
two of them uh probably makes up a normal cheeseburger but i can have like five of them
and tell myself i only had one yeah i think like three or four yeah i feel like sliders never have
enough sauce that's a great point there or it's like too much sauce yeah they haven't figured out
the sauce thing yet yeah there's a place near me that does, I don't know if this is common,
a meatball parm slider on a garlic knot.
Somewhere Mike Malloy's ears are burning.
Mike Malloy made a meatball sub at dinner at a steakhouse.
Yeah, it doesn't surprise me at all.
At a steakhouse.
I can't believe you bring him out in public.
With a bandana on.
He thought we were going to Dunkin'.
Oh, God.
Well, shout out.
I don't think this request will be honored,
but I did have to ask him to not wear a bandana to my wedding,
and I feel like he's going to wear a bandana.
That's how you ensure he's going to wear one to your wedding.
What about the ones that are just hard plastic?
Can he wear one of, you know what I'm talking about?
Where they put it on?
I might bring one of those.
Or a couple berets to clip into his hair.
Ooh, like with butterflies?
Yeah.
God, butterfly clips.
Beret.
Yeah.
Oh, my bad.
I'm not wearing socks either.
He could wear a beret.
That'd be tight.
No socks is kind of a fun move, though.
I thought you meant hats.
Oh, you'd look great in a beret.
Yeah.
Are we outside or inside for your wedding?
We're inside, outside, inside.
Whoa, what's that middle part there?
Cocktail hour?
Cocktail hour.
Nice.
Live music.
Good.
So I'm going to be outside, outside, outside, I think.
So service inside.
Wedding inside, cocktail hour outside, service inside.
I love that.
I love that so much.
I love air conditioning.
But with doors that open, you know what I mean?
Once it cools down, once the, and when that night comes.
Sure.
If you're an outdoor cat, you can make your way out there, but you don't have to.
You don't have to.
And it will be AC pumping.
Hell yeah.
Pumping.
AC Slater.
AC Slater, dude.
28 days Slater.
Cause it is LA.
28 days Slater.
In September.
Watch Katie Nolan on the Apple TV plus Friday night baseball broadcast. Slater because it is LA in September.
Watch Katie Nolan on the Apple TV Plus
Friday Night Baseball broadcast.
You get a free baseball game. You don't even have to.
It's worth it. Just do it.
If you don't do it, I'll kill you.
Whoa.
I've seen him, man. I saw him kill people.
I saw him kill a guy at Plaid one time.
I'll do it, Pantry.
I'll do it.
Middle of the day. Screaming so people Yeah. Don't kill a guy at plaid one time. I'll do it, pantry. I'll do it. Playa Pantry, yeah.
Middle of the day.
Screaming so people would watch.
2.30, 2.30 p.m.
Weirdest time to kill somebody.
Good time for a dentist appointment, though.
All the best.
Tooth.
Hurty.
I've had dentist appointments at 2.30,
and I was like, huh?
Huh?
Is that what I did?
No. They don't think it's funny.
The dentist does not think it's funny.
No. Dead inside. No wonder.
My name is Ian Carmel.
Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram.
Ian Carmel on
Jewish Bellagio Fountain
soundtrack app.
Where they just
you sync it up with the Bellagio Fountains and it plays edwin diaz's
entrance music okay i didn't see the fountains go once not one time did i see those fountains
aren't they constantly going they were right out our window ian's window
i didn't see him one time you didn't see like the show like they do the the one show but they do go
all day obviously that's what
I'm talking about I mean I didn't see like
I think we were all pretty stunned by
what you said I didn't see the Bellagio
fountain show one time is it once
every hour when is it feels
like it once I feels like it from late
afternoon on
yeah right fountains
we're going I saw the pool fountains quite a bit
the whiskey river was flowing yeah it was i didn't see the fountains what do you want me
that's all right that's all right that's all right that's all right
you saw red come up a bunch dude so don't even worry about it 800 to go flying out the window is what i saw september 30th october 1st october 2nd we will be at the d the dc improv in washington
district of columbia doing stand-up comedy the three of us and then a live
all fantasy everything damn what a fun little weekend it's gonna be a fun little weekend in
the nation's capital i'm thinking of calling it the loony bin a couple times and calling it the bunk bed.
Whoa.
Yeah.
We could have some friends in town that weekend, too.
We might have some friends in town.
There might be Zach Harper might be in town.
I might be in town.
Who's that?
Marissa Melnick might be in town.
Super producer Mars might be there.
Jamel might be in town. I don't know who be in town. Super producer Mars might be there. Jamel might be in town.
I don't know who's in town.
No?
I don't know who's in town.
No?
The following weekend, we will be at the 10,000 Laughs Festival in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
That's a lot of laughs.
Doing stand-up comedy.
Doing a live All Fantasy Everything podcast.
Excited.
Taking it to the streets.
10,000 Laughs will be in your live podcast alone you guys will already have met the quota of the festival in just that
one taping so you're like making money after that yeah everything after that yeah yeah yeah
so i'd make sure you go to those uh we have some other dates which i don't think we're
well i don't know if we're announcing. You know what? Fuck it. They're confirmed.
Yeah, say them.
Speak the truth.
I'm going to fucking say it right now.
I'm debuting this information right now.
I don't know if tickets are on sale, but November 11th and 12th, we're going to be at the Copper Blues Live in Phoenix, Arizona.
Hot.
Doing stand-up comedy and live all fantasy everything.
Phoenix. The following weekend. Come on out. We'll be at
Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon.
Ever heard of it? Doing stand-up
comedy and a live
All Fantasy Everything. That's
happening too. And then
ooh.
And then ooh.
This one might concern a certain
Katie Nolan. I don't know where your plans might
take you. I don't know where your plans might take you.
I don't know where your plans might take you.
But in December.
Oh, that's very far from now.
It's a long time.
We will be returning to the Bell House in Brooklyn.
Hell yeah.
Home of the Disney songs, live all fantasy, everything.
My favorite episode ever.
Best show we've ever done.
That was so fun.
I was drunk.
Also, hot meats. Hot drunk. Also, hot meats.
Hot meats.
Hot, wet meats.
Kevin O'Brien breaking glasses in the karaoke room.
It was tight.
Standing on tables.
Top to bottom phenomenal.
Top to bottom.
There's also a Boston date somewhere mixed in there, but that hasn't been confirmed yet
because they tried to put it on a Wednesday.
How dare they?
I have to be at work.
But Brooklyn's definitely happening
Portland's definitely that's exciting this is so exciting we're in the road it's gonna be great
be excited yeah we indeed we indeed we indeed but DC's coming up first make sure you cop tickets to
that I feel bad I sounded like I was being a bummer at the beginning of this I'm excited I'm
at the lake and this just got me really excited for this tour and everything. What are you talking about?
Was all that stuff about the lake
we were recording yet?
No, I don't think anybody
knew.
I feel like I was a bummer to you. I'm sorry.
I didn't want to be a bummer. I'm thrilled. I'm grateful
for every single thing that happens in life.
I was just venting a little bit.
Watch the Late Late Show with James Corden.
No, I'm not fucking done, am I?
It's been a heck of a few days. Watch the Late Late Show with James Corden. No, I'm not fucking done, am I? It's been a hectic few days.
We're gathered here today not to talk about our upcoming tour dates,
although they are plentiful and wonderful.
And look out for more in 2023,
where we'll be hitting other parts of the country.
But to draft crews for movies,
movie crews, movie gangs,
to fantasy draft those.
I recently watched, I don't know if I can tell, this was the example we gave.
I didn't give it to Katie, though.
Yeah, you did.
You said Predator.
There it is.
I was watching the new Predator movie, which fucking rules.
And I still haven't watched it.
Oh, the new one you were watching.
I heard that I'd like it because it's about a gal and her pup.
It is about a gal and her pup. And I am a gal with a pup. You are a pup gal. I say that I'd like it because it's about a gal and her pup. It is about a gal and her pup.
And I'm a gal with a pup.
You are a pup gal.
I say that about you.
It is predator shit.
They're doing predator shit.
He just yocks up this bear.
It's like action movie shit.
It's so good.
Yeah.
Block out a little like, you know, not even two hours I don't think it is.
I feel like Dan said one of the best things about it was that it gets in and gets out.
Like it accomplishes it, gets it done. Totally. That Dan said one of the best things about it was that it gets in and gets out.
It accomplishes it, gets it done.
Totally.
That's what I want. That's what I want from a monster.
It's a business lunch with a couple martinis thrown in.
It's great.
It takes a little too long to get into predator shit for me.
Oh, no.
I know it works.
Yeah, but that's just because you don't like hearing women talk.
It's about 30.
Now, Katie, I'll thank you to let me finish.
It's about 30 now katie i'll thank you to let me finish it's about 31 minutes
it's about 31 minutes before they get into predator shit it's like i don't know damn
but all that exposition i like that you checked you were like what has this been 31 minutes i did
nailed it again what the fuck is what the fuck is going on. Fucking rules. 31. The first one takes a long time too, though.
Yes, it does.
Yeah, but that is different time.
That's Jesse Ventura with a Gatling gun.
That's all kinds of shit.
All right, all right, all right, all right.
All right.
Okay, sorry.
We can speak about it, you know,
in sort of an abstract,
but let's not get into details.
Watching the new movie Prey
in the Predator franchise
made me go back and watch
the original Predator,
which is fucking phenomenal.
Turp to burden. Turp to burden for Nerminal.
There's a great fucking crew in that movie. There's a great
gang. And I thought,
let's fucking draft them.
I love it. I'm right up the
street. I had a good time last night.
It's right up the goddamn street.
Now the way we determine the order of that fantasy draft
is with a rollicking game
of rock, paper, scissors. And we throw and shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Sean Jordan wins throwing scissors against two papers.
A natural win.
Sean Jordan as the winner.
I know.
You haven't won anything since Vegas.
So, you know, I'm due.
I'm due over here.
Yeah, and even then you lost it.
Yeah, even then. Now, Dave, I choose to Vegas. I'm due over here. Yeah, and even then, you lost it. Yeah, even then.
Now, Dave, I choose to forget about those hands that I lost.
I don't know how well you remember those hands that you won.
Dude, shocker.
Okay.
Katie, you got it.
So, shocker, he texts me at about 1 in the morning on Saturday night,
and he goes, hey, Sean, what room are we in?
I think he was like, what room are we in?
619, question mark?
How do we get up there? Is it that one elevator question? He was very specific, and I woke up in? It was, I think it was like, what room are we in? 619 question mark. How do we get up there?
Is it that one elevator question?
He was very specific.
And I woke up and I go, Shaka, were you trying to be nice and tell me how to get to the room
without telling me how to get to the room?
I was sitting there with him assuring him.
I'm like, Sean has been drunker.
You don't have to do this.
Oh, what a sweetheart though.
There was definitely a little like, is he going to make it?
Damn.
I appreciate it. I did. I did. But it was very funny. I woke up and he's like, yeah, going to make it? Damn. I appreciate it.
I did.
I did.
But it was very funny.
I woke up and he's like, yeah, I didn't want to be rude.
And I go, man, you're very kind.
But if you're worried about me. That's so sweet.
I would never even think to do that.
And then how did you repay him?
You fell out of the bed with your dong out.
Wow.
That was the first night I got up
to go to the bathroom and I had set my suitcase
right at the base of the bed like a
ding dong and I tripped over it and I fell
and I was sitting there pitch black like blackout
curtains and everything and I'm like man you're
naked.
You put the cannoli on the counter?
So you shared a room
and you slept
naked?
I tend to do that. But if you're shared a room. Man, you're naked. And you slept naked? I tend to do that.
No.
Yeah.
But if you're sharing a room.
Well, I didn't.
No, no.
Right.
The altered state led to the nudity.
It wasn't.
Okay.
It's not like I would do that most of the time.
I wouldn't do that.
I imagine what happened is I woke up, shed the clothing so I could sleep better.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, when you're drinking.
It was hot. It was hot. It was like 100 it was like 100 degrees so hot it was so fucking hot but i
apologize when we woke up and i was like did you catch any of that sorry and he goes no it's pitch
black he goes i heard you i heard you fall but then you said you know i think i said like oh i'm
naked and he heard that and then he's like yeah falling naked is dice naked is dicey too. You could have had a real problem there.
You're not prepared for that mentally.
Anything could happen.
Something could have gotten tangled in something else.
You don't know.
A little more worried about the floor cracking or something.
You know what I mean?
With just everything loose and hitting the ground.
Yeah.
Under the weight of it.
Your big weird balls flying all over the place.
Yeah.
It's just so huge.
Totally. I was worried about the floors
underneath. They probably would have thought something exploded
up there. The Bellagio's not stress
tested for that kind of stuff.
Actually, I bet they are.
They probably are. For gongs hitting floors?
Absolutely. Yeah, people are
dropping hog all over that place.
There's probably been a bigger
hog or two in there than mine, I'm sure. At least one or two.
No, Sean, no.
Impossible.
Are you drunk?
Are you drunk again? Because that's insane.
Oh, I've had two Fagos
in two days.
Bad boy. Orange and grape.
I'm in Michigan. I'm going to have one every day.
Playboy. You're going to lie to your doctor about that too?
You should go.
What did I lie to him about before? Oh, the drinks per week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody lies
in drinks per week. Oh, yeah.
I never did. I was always honest and it was
always a thing. Oh, yeah.
Because I was worried about it, so I wanted
him to know. Well, that's nice.
I just pick a week.
Oh, wait. I got to...
Before you, brother, serpentine wrap what is that what is that
it's like a jet ski tearing us around on the lake you kind of go over to the left side and
fuck their day up then you go over to the right fuck their day up a little bit then you go over
to the left fuck their day up i was getting so mad i was in the water with max and these waves
are coming at me jet skis now jet ski waves aren't big enough to be this mad about.
They disrupted my time with my daughter.
Wow.
I did.
Or they added a little bit of spice to it.
A little color to the moment.
I want to be on the jet skis and I'm upset
that I can't be.
Jealousy rears its ugly head.
You're a hater. That makes more sense.
I'm a hater.
Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
Speaking of hate, I'm going first oh wait he says oh wait wait i don't hate me uh basically uh the fourth in the first round first
in the second round that's the serpentine draft sean you said you'll be going first i'm gonna go
first david second katie third and fourth ian carmel hot corner hot
corner well i'll tell you and i'll tell you for free we're about to get to sean jordan's first
pick right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble
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restrictions may apply yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast
that ever existed the only form of media except of course
for friday night baseball and apple tv plus that's right and anything else
katie nolan has ever been or will ever be involved in in perpetuity
patent pending trademark year of our lord 2022 thank you sean jordan you have the first pick in
the movie cruise all fans everything draft
what will that pick be we said four
and up yeah that was our parameter
we said what
oh shit did I not tell you that no
oh that's
what foreign foreign up
well we're thinking a crew
consists of four people are up but if
you have any on your list that are three and up no you
guys are gonna learn pretty quickly I don't know any movies so this is i'm just here for the
hang all right fantastic great go ahead and do what you're going to do too and i uh i pass i
pass again uh first crew is uh morgan virgil and wyatt erp along with doc holiday going tombstone
crew tombstone yeah i've seen that coming yeah yeah
i mean even before we pick the topic yeah so i was so stoked right away i was like okay four of
them that's why i asked what the guidelines were as soon as it was a movie draft i was like
tombstones going that's the crew baby i mean those you don't get thicker than them. I mean, it's... What was dying of tuberculosis?
He came...
He shot Johnny Ringo when he could barely move,
coughing up blood.
I mean, you just...
You don't get a tighter crew than the Earps and Doc Holliday.
One of the Earps buried in Portland, Oregon.
You know that?
No, which Earp?
You do now.
I think Morgan.
I think Morgan Earp, the one that...
Is this like a tito
jackson situation where everybody was like morgan kind of an idiot yeah not really an herb
i mean he wrote for him he was at the okay corral oh uh yeah man the herbs i like the lore of
tombstone i know that i'm not splitting the item by bringing this up about the pick as though no
one has ever listened to all fantasy everything before go Go on. Go on. Get into it.
Sink your teeth in.
OK Corral.
Tombstone is one of the only movies that accurately portrayed the battle at the OK Corral.
It was like two minutes long.
The myth or the legend of Wyatt Earp is he was the only person who didn't get shot at all.
And none of them died.
I think only three people died at the OK Corral.
Everybody thinks it's like this crazy shootout, but then they went on.
So they killed one of Wyatt Earp's brothers. And then he, Wyatt Earp went on a rampage and just tore up the Cowboys for real.
That really happened.
He just like turned vigilante and went and murdered all the Cowboys.
So I don't know.
Was it Wyoming?
No, it was Arizona.
Arizona.
Yeah.
Tombstone.
Arizona. Yeah. was it in wyoming no it was arizona arizona yeah tombstone arizona yeah kind of by phoenix where we will be in uh november 10th and 11th yeah man the tombstone crew i don't know what do you like
what do you like about this crew do you feel like it's a bit like vibe wise it's got everything
covered everything about the crew they got a wild man they got a reasonable. They got a wild man. They got a reasonable psychopath. They got a businessman
and they got the
kind-eyed little brother.
I'm saying
like Morgan, is it Morgan the one that
is it Bill Pullman or Paxton?
Who's the reasonable psychopath?
Pullman or Paxton? Wyatt.
Wyatt's a reasonable psychopath. He could see
in his eyes, man. I thought the
Kilmer, no? Doc Holliday's the lunatic. He'll do whatever. He's a reasonable psychopath. He could see in his eyes, man. I thought that Kilmer, no?
Doc Holliday's the lunatic.
He'll do whatever.
He's not reasonable.
He'd get hammered and have shootouts.
He's just nuts because he had nothing to lose.
Wyatt Earp knows exactly what he'll do,
where his lines are. So he's just reasonable,
but he'll also do anything, I think.
And then Virgil was like a businessman,
older, kind of wise looking
out for everybody he's the one that got sworn in originally and then morgan just the younger kind
of wide-eyed follow-along brother who will you know get his friends back to the end which that's
what i was looking for in the crew just like who's got your back no matter what and those four
for sure do sam elliott one of the herb brothers smell this movie uh attended high school in
portland oregon david douglas the same high school as one saint sue carmel right oh shout out and
one of the herbs buried in portland oregon coincidence i don't think so have you heard
have you heard so val kilmer said that kurt russell basically directed tombstone yeah that
the guy directing it was kind of fucking up and Kurt Russell like would go over and
be like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You're going to want to do this.
Absolutely.
And there's a lot of things in there that were like, so the Oriental theater, that was
a real place that like some of those shows really happened.
People like shoot their guns in the air at the theater when it was a good show.
Can you, that's insane to think about.
Like if you just own the theater and it was a good show and 30 people just shoot their gun into the ceiling just wouldn't be that dank of a theater
that long we're discouraging that at the live a feast but do it emotionally if you gotta do it
you gotta do it yeah pop off in some way you know what i mean right right right yeah man tombstone
fantastic movie listen i'm in powers booth anytime you can get a powers booth oh that
cast you want to talk about a cast i'm talking in there michael bain powers booth uh your boy
william zane thomas hayden church is in there oh um yeah it's dude it's pat all the cowboys are
like it's great jason priestly is up in there well it's nuts man yeah have you seen tombstone have i seen tombstone yeah um i saw it when i was
little i remember my dad watching it and i watched it with him is there a scene with quicksand or am
i making that up did you write katie priestly on a bunch of your notebooks in high school no
is katie austin green i love it thomas hayden church that dude's got like a big head yeah man yeah 10 gallons for sure
like that guy's head is like and like he's got a pumpkin head his head is probably like 30 of his
body's weight he's what we say, I call a waterhead.
Yeah, he's got a waterhead.
Can we not hate on the big head population, please?
No, it's not a hate.
I'm big head sympathetic here.
I'm not a big head myself.
Nobody's a hate.
Listen, this is a seven and a half.
I'm with the shits.
Dan, where's an eight?
He wears an eight?
No way.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
An eight?
An eight. Good on him. That's as big as they get. I know that. I you serious? Yeah. An eight? An eight.
Good autumn.
That's as big as they get.
I know that.
I couldn't even tell.
That's like Leno territory.
You've got a large dome.
What does he keep up there?
I don't know.
Not much.
Obscure references to things that people who know absolutely love, I think.
It's because they can
hide in the dark corners of his china yeah there's a lot of place to leave stuff i feel like between
your friendship with us and primarily sean jordan and your relationship with dan soda who has a
flawless sam elliott you got to watch tombstone again here pretty soon i know he also loves that
movie if he heard me talking about how i don't know it as well as i should he he's gonna make
me do it he's gonna make me watch it for the as I should, he's going to make me do it.
He's going to make me watch it for the rest of the day.
That's going to be what we do tonight.
Well, whenever his birthday is, Tombstone.
Oh, that's a gift?
Does that count?
Yeah, I think it counts.
Okay.
Thank you.
It's one of the best movies ever made.
It's a perfect movie.
It's perfect.
All right.
Okay.
Tombstone.
I'm a TV person.
It's like a long episode of television.
It's great.
That's not true. Have you watched For All Mankind at all, Katie? No. It's like a long episode of television. It's great. That's not.
Have you watched For All Mankind at all, Katie?
No.
What's that?
Oh, it's so good.
It's on Apple TV+.
Oh, well then, yes, I've watched it and I love it.
It's the best I've ever seen.
Of course.
Of course.
It is.
It's about the space race.
But if Russia got to the moon first and then da, da, da, da, da from there, it's great.
Did you watch Severance?
Yeah, I love Severance.
So good.
Severance kept me up at night.
That show is insane to think about.
So good.
Apple TV Plus.
Only on Apple TV Plus.
Apple TV Plus.
Apple TV Plus is kind of killing it.
They make good stuff.
Now it sounds like we're doing an ad, but they got some good shit on there.
Yeah, they do.
They really do.
Michael Rooker, Charleston Heston.
Heston, they're also up in there. Just saying. man still back to tombstone okay back to tombstone uh now
it's time to david for his first pick oh first thing that popped in my head when we did this
illegal their own oh man come on absolutely you could cover you could get anything done and then you throw dugan in you can get
anything done with that group of people charming is i think charming gets yes i like the idea that
maybe i have like you know me doris and may have our own little side adventure you know what i
mean like we don't make it back to the bus one night and then we got to get to because i guess in this i play with them
or some kind of bat boy situation i couldn't go to the war because i have blender flatulence
and then i had to stay in bat boy for the rock but you wanted you wanted to go to the war i wanted
to go but i couldn't go yeah and then but anyways yeah come man. What's better than that? What's better than that group of people?
As far as a crew in a movie.
Rosie O'Donnell fucking rules.
I don't have anything smart to say there.
I don't have anything smart to say there.
What are you talking about?
Remember when she used to throw the koosh balls?
Do I remember the koosh balls?
Koosh balls, dude.
It was the beginning of every episode.
And like her whole thing with Tom Cruise,
even though clearly, you know,
not a sexual attraction there.
I don't even know what that,
she had a thing with Tom Cruise.
She was just like,
she was super into Tom Cruise.
I didn't even know that.
But all that aside,
whenever she shows up,
don't love her stand up,
but that's fine. I don't know that that. But all that aside, whenever she shows up. Don't love her stand up, but that's fine.
I don't know that I've ever seen it.
There's a few clips back there that are cringy as fuck.
I have some clips back there that are cringy as fuck, too.
I mean, obviously, they weren't me doing a black woman impression, but I said some shit that I probably shouldn't have said.
So, you know.
Oh, she was doing a black woman impression?
Oh, that was the whole set.
that I probably shouldn't have said.
So, you know.
Oh, she was doing a black woman impression?
Oh, that was the whole set.
Well, pretend I found that out after I said,
I did find that out after I said,
she fucking rules.
But that sucks.
But anytime she's like in a movie. Oh, she sucked for one night in 87.
Who didn't?
Who didn't?
I was three.
I had an awful night.
I had an awful night.
I cried through the night.
I had just been born.
I pooped my pants.
I helped write Billy Crystal,
Sammy Davis, doing your routine. I'm not proud of it i was three i was three years old well some would say that's old enough to know better but well anyway i was there was a lot of cocaine
going around in 87 and separate from the art from the artist the point is that i love this
fucking movie yes i don't give a shit what she does after work It's pretty rude of you to take a baseball movie
When I'm here but
Come on
Baseball's coming up again
I called dibs on it so
There's plenty of other baseball movies
I'll text you some
I'm a girl and I like baseball
I can't like girls?
No
Now who's putting people in boxes
Damn
So Good pick Now who's putting people in boxes? Damn. Damn.
So, good pick.
It's a really good pick.
You know, Rosie O'Donnell on her show had,
do you guys watch wrestling?
You know, AEW, MJF? I have more.
Yes, I do.
MJF was on her show when he was a little boy,
and he sings,
Really?
He sings,
You Are My Sunshine,
like a quote-unquote opera singer,
but he's just going like,
You are my sunshine.
It's so funny.
That's amazing.
It's so funny.
What about the guy with the beard that's only on the chin and not a knee here?
The guy with the Burberry scarf.
Maxwell Jacob.
Jay Friedman, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MJF, yeah.
He's like very good heel.
The sisters in this movie are from, let's hear it, Oregon.
Another little connection there.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, Dottie and Kit?
Yeah, Dottie and Kit from a little farm in Oregon.
Oh, Kit's Tank Girl, right?
I think so.
Yeah, I think that's her.
I think that's Tank Girl.
Gina Davis is an amazing person.
Come back to us, man.
Gina Davis, come back to us.
Gina Davis, like Olympic archer?
Is that what, like Olympic level archer?
What?
Yeah, she's like amazing at archery.
I don't.
Fantastic actor.
Good in pretty much everything she's ever been in.
And let me look at this.
Gina Davis, archery.
She's in Mensa. she's ever been in. And let me look at this. Gina Davis archery. She's in Mensa.
She's a genius.
She was one of 300 women in 1999
who vied for a semifinals berth
in the U.S. Olympic archery team
to participate in the Sydney 2000 Summer Olympics.
She placed 24th and did not qualify for the team.
In 99?
Mm-hmm.
Damn.
After all the acting.
Holy buck.
24th best American archer pretty crazy i'm 26th
yeah i didn't see her at any of the nationals gray's anatomy she had a little arc on gray's
i'm sure everybody cares but yeah a league of their own thelma and louise stewart little
stewart little two stewart little three call the Wild, Gina Davis, dude. Cutthroat Island.
Also,
Madonna's not bad in a league of their own.
She's great.
She's great. She's great.
She's great in that. Yeah.
Everybody's great. And now it's time
for my Tom Hanks impression.
Where sometimes I sound a lot like
Tom Hanks, sometimes I don't, and I'm relying on you to be honest
with me.
There's no crying
in baseball! Oh, that was actually
not that bad. That's good. Not bad, right?
That wasn't that bad. There's no
crying in baseball!
It's the word crying is
the key word, and I feel like you're nailing
it. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.
What's another thing Tom Hanks would yell?
It has to be yelling.
Still wow!
Or something. What was the kid's name?
Remember the shitty kid? In what?
In A League of Their Own.
No, I don't. It doesn't even have to be.
Wait, Wilson!
Okay, alright.
Yeah.
Just one of the services I have to offer Hollywood
if you're listening
yeah
League of Their Own it's a great crew
it is
you've got a lot of different vibes covered
yeah big vibe guy
big vibe guy
big vibe guy
she's like a very
Geena Davis is a very a convincing athlete in a movie too
like i believe i believe she played baseball oh yeah yeah i bet she could catch yeah absolutely
from wareham wareham massachusetts gina davis yeah she's a asshole that's right went to new Went to New England College and then got her BFA from BU. BFA.
Big fucking archery.
Big fucking archery.
Rosie O'Donnell, also a very convincing athlete.
Shout out to Rosie O'Donnell.
Except for the question.
Except for that one thing.
Minus the one thing.
I will say, when Gina Davis did the splits and did the catch, it was a stunt double.
Oh, really?
What?
Why would you ruin that for people?
I'm just saying.
I feel like the truth longs to be free.
I like to think that it's because Gina Davis can do the splits,
but knows she wasn't being paid enough to do the splits on camera,
and so she had somebody else do it.
I bet that's exactly what happened.
Yeah.
And it just seems like it would be really fun to go.
I guess we did go on a tour bus and get drunk at a bunch of stops
and then did our job in between. Yeah. tom hanks's character based on jimmy fox
the actual baseball player moving on katie nolan time for your first pick okay well um like i said
before or at least alluded to i'm really not a movie person and so when sean texted me last night
and asked if i'd do it i said yes and then when sean texted me last night and asked if i'd
do it i said yes and then he said what you guys were gonna draft and i was like yeah all right
so i've got um for my first pick i'm gonna do the italian job oh yeah of course yeah and i'm doing
i'm gonna be um stupid and and do the the new one not like the old original i never watched that
sorry no michael k to everyone's parents.
No, we're talking about with the Mini Coopers and Mos Def.
I mean, honestly, you know it's a good crew when it can launch an entire very weird, very niche car brand into the American psyche.
It was like one long commercial for a weird car I was never going to buy, I still it didn't bother me. I liked it.
It was a good movie. They were
everywhere after that. It was the Mini?
Was it the Mini in that? The Mini Cooper.
Because that's the only thing
that could do the fucking getaway drive
or whatever. Yeah.
I don't know that it succeeded in making them look
really cool. I mean it
was like it worked for their
situation because they needed to fit
into a small space,
but it didn't make me think
that like,
that's a heist car.
I imagine the pitch
to Mark
was like,
I imagine they had to like
plan out like,
how are we going to pitch this
to Mr. Wahlberg
to where he's still on board?
I bet they didn't have to
pitch it to Mark.
I bet he brought the,
he's the one who brought
the deal,
I'm sure.
He's like,
listen,
I know a guy who's launching a car.
It's called a Mini Cooper.
We're going to make it the star of the film.
I feel like the only heist you could pull off in a Mini Cooper is stealing everybody else's good time by wearing a fedora somewhere you shouldn't.
Or stealing a lot of real estate by still parking like you're a regular car and leaving too much space between you and the cars behind you when you parallel park on the street.
parking like you're a regular car and leaving too much space between you and the cars behind you when you parallel park on the street.
Yeah.
Mini Cooper's got big fedora energy as far as cars go, where it was like, that was a
thing like a lot of people were doing for a while and it has not aged well.
No.
I would argue it wasn't even popping at the time.
I have a friend who got one and it sucks.
Yeah.
Shout out to Justin, man.
Rude boy test drove one.
He was going to get it. It was pretty roomy in the back. We both sat in back just to see. And it was like, man. Rude Boy test drove one. He was going to get it.
It was pretty roomy in the back.
We both sat in back just to see.
And it felt like a big car to me.
Did you guys kiss?
That's one of the things people, yeah.
No, we didn't kiss.
No.
You didn't really test drive it then, did you?
The last time I kissed two men was at the Brooklyn show at the Bauhaus, which I'm probably
going to do again.
Here's your crew.
Mark Wahlberg.
That's Charlie Croker.
Mark Charmos.
Charlie Croker,
the team's leader
and a master thief.
Jason.
Statham.
Yeah.
Jay State.
You got a fixer,
a computer expert,
a wheel man.
Yeah.
You got Don Sutherland.
Don.
Yeah.
Safe expert.
Old guy.
They really,
that also had one of those good scenes
of like the grabbing all the people
and assembling the team,
which is the greatest of all these movies.
Putting the gang together.
That is like crucial.
All League of Their Own has that.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know that Tombstone does,
but like getting the gang together,
getting the gang together,
where you got to go to their various locations.
Oh, it's fantastic.
Oh, yeah.
You got to like go,
and they're like,
I know where he's at. And then they're're like he's under a bridge working on a car
uh-huh yeah yeah yeah there's always someone in a garage there's always someone like doing some
low-level version of the crime they're gonna commit in a on a bigger scale but also being
because it's a smaller scale they're able to like make a little quip or say something funny that
reveals their personality in that moment yeah yeah yeah yeah completely i feel like they also always like get out of a vehicle and then the team the new team
member remarks on the vehicle like oh you're driving corvettes now huh yeah something like
that yeah that's fun that's really fun yeah okay so that's my pick. Italian job. 2003 Italian job. Fantastic crew. The original has my cocaine in it.
My cocaine.
My cocaine.
My cocaine.
My cocaine.
Ed Norton too.
Also, this movie has a thing that crew movies love to do,
which is let's put a rapper in there.
Most Def, man.
You have Most Def in this one.
Where it's like a big role because you're part of the main crew,
but it's also like you don't have to rely on their acting abilities too much
because there's a lot of other people in the, yeah, I get that.
Although most F can give it to you.
I like most F.
Yeah, he is.
I think, did they know that then?
Was that known then?
What is his best acting role?
That's a great question.
Because this is pretty early in the most F acting career, I feel like.
What is the most F role where you were like, damn, he really proved it?
That Michelle Gondry movie.
Really?
Yeah, it was good.
Yeah, he is pretty good in that.
I guess he was in Monsters Ball, too.
He was in Monsters Ball?
I didn't see Monsters Ball.
He was in Rambunctious.
Let's be honest, we all only remember one part of Monsters Ball. ball yeah it's the part we remember where they introduce heath ledger get naked is that what
yes katie i just was asking no i'm i'm answering that way because i feel bad because it was
nominated for an academy award and i don't even know the fucking plot of that movie she just wants
to feel something other than and it wasn't fun it wasn't fun naked yeah it was uh it was harsh naked was it harsh naked i mean she was
crying but they had sex because she wanted to like forget pain so it was like it was a tricky
tricky sex scene it wasn't like it's but it's not like also more common than we're making it sound
at the moment yeah who has it am i right oh boy
i wouldn't throw this out there i'm going back to his acting role not to me having sex to
prevent myself from feeling something uh but uh people liked him i think in
hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy i think he had a pretty big role in that. 16 blocks, he had a big role.
And then that, where is it?
Next Day Air.
He was, that was the one with Mike Epps, right?
Donald Faison.
That movie that's always free on YouTube.
Yeah.
It's funny, but yeah, it's definitely free on YouTube.
Is that the new straight to VHS?
It's like, oh, I can watch this for free on YouTube?
That's not a real movie.
Definitely, definitely, definitely definitely yassin bay uh all right time for my first pick how exciting
you got the italian job crew you got eddie norton marky mark walbrick and i can't believe i mean
i'm sorry to be sort of a caricature of myself, but it made it all the way to me.
I have to take one of the finest crews ever assembled for any purpose.
I'm taking Sam,
Sam Levine,
Jewish.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Comedy writer and comedian,
Sam Levine,
uh,
Jewish comedian and comedy writer,
writer BJ,
BJ Novak,
uh,
Jewish film director,
Eli Roth. Oh, okay. BJ Novak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jewish film director, Eli Roth.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if Omar Duhl... Took you a long time. I'm taking the Inglourious Bastards.
I'm taking the fucking Banjo,
Hugo Stiglitz,
and of course, fucking Brad Pitt, dude.
A roving band of Jewish
comic writers going around
fucking up Nazis.
They have a diverse set of skills. I have a question.
Are you including Bridget
von Hammersmark in the crew?
As she did try to help
bring down the Nazis.
She did, but I don't consider her
a... I don't consider her and I don't
consider Fassbender part of the Inglourious Bastards.
Oh, well... Oh, okay.
They're not Inglourious... Yeah, I considered
Fassbender, but they recruited him, huh yeah i considered fast bender but they recruited him
huh they went and got it they recruited him he's he's from he's a jew he's a german that hated
nazis right that's what michael fast bender was fast bender's just playing a british dude who's
like a german film expert oh okay right i don't know i always thought he was a german sean did
you not maybe i'm thinking did you not see the movie either it might be you didn't see inglorious bastards no i might be thinking of it's a fun one isn't it like super
violent yes i don't do well i don't do well with that i get a little queasy okay yeah i'm a baby
the bear jew is from boston okay well then i now i have to watch the opening scene he's a nazi's
head in and says like, home fucking run!
Like Karol Jastrzemski or like
somebody. He mentioned some like baseball.
Donnie Ballgame.
Teddy Ballgame, that's what it is.
Teddy Ballgame, it's in on the Lansdale Street.
Like that, as he's beating Anasi's brain.
Lansdale Street. Good.
Good.
Alright, if there's a guy
from Boston in it, I guess i have to watch it yes
why is it spelled wrong i think because the original movie the inglorious bastards was
spelled wrong probably because like they're dumb army guys maybe okay
what but yeah it's huh what part of it's spelled wrong is it bastard spelled with an e
yeah oh it is bastard spelled wrong yeah i never Bastard spelled with an E? Oh, it is? Bastard is spelled wrong, yeah.
I never noticed that.
Can't get a typo past me.
They're just a great crew.
It's a bunch of little Jewish guys.
It's a bunch of people who kind of look like Dana's brother.
You know what I mean?
There's one big guy.
Yeah, the Bear Jew.
Eli Roth is huge.
Yeah, Eli Roth is.
Now, if they ever made it again, I would love an opportunity to play the Bear Jew but you're gonna be the bear to give the Eli Roth the bear Jew plus you get like
the you know one of the finest goyim there is Brad Pitt as part of the gang as well yeah how
does he get to be in there goyim means the center of the mountain man. No, no, no, no, no. Non-Jew. Okay. Is it descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridgers?
Yeah.
He goes, I'm a direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridgers.
Means I got a little engine in me.
It's ridiculous.
You got to see it, Katie.
Yeah, I guess.
He's the leader of the bastards.
All right.
So they just picked a hot guy to be the face, though he is not a Jew.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean.
You dick.
There's plenty of hot Jews.
Yeah, I know.
That's why I'm saying why couldn't they have just.
I feel like we're in a weird zone right now.
I don't know.
We're making a lot of sweeping opinions. I'm cutting water in the now. I don't know. We're making a lot of sweeping opinions.
I'm trying water in the bag.
I don't know if it's good to say
there's a bunch of hot Jews or bad.
We can all say it. There's plenty
of hot Jews, alright?
Plenty.
But I like them cold, too.
We like them cold, we like them hot, we like them any way we can get them, baby.
Alright.
Inglourious bastards.
Chopped up and thrown in a sandwich give me i didn't say that yeah so it's spelled it's spelled
wrong yes that's crazy now bastards are spelled wrong yeah yeah yeah i like whole juice whole
juice no i have sir grace this is bad this is bad i'm stroking out of context david i like whole jews
eli roth put on 35 pounds of muscle to play donnie donna which means he was
david he's out that's a great picture it's okay i'm back there was a real inglorious
bastards operation in nazi germany no yeah oh there was a bear jew yeah there was a real
i don't know if there was real bear jew but that was a real group of dudes going around. Okay. You wanted
to put Adam Sandler as the bear Jew originally. That would not have worked. That would have been
interesting. Amazing. Interesting. I don't think it would have worked. Wow. If Adam Sandler would
have put on 30 pounds of muscle, that'd be pretty buck. No offense to the Sandman. I respect your
basketball skills, but i'm not like afraid
he's gonna crack me in the head with the bat he would have had to use the basketball instead he
would have dribbled out and have been like bob koozie you know how hard you'd have to throw a
basketball to do to do the same thing the bat did he just got big billowy nylon army pants how do
you just watch somebody beat his head in and not be like
god i can't look at that how do you guys do that because it's because it's a nazi so you're kind
of like yeah i've been trained to happen i don't need to see it you know i've been trained since
faces of death came out at this point oh my god see i never i'm such a scared i gotta start living
this life huh no no don, no, no. Okay.
You don't want no parts of that shit.
All I'm saying is one of the only, also, I mean, like Dominic DeCoco, the guy who plays Dominic DeCoco.
One more time.
Dominic DeCoco.
Are you appropriating my culture now?
Is that what's happening?
Dominic DeCoco.
Yeah, they're Jews pretending to be Italian.
Gourlami.
I tell you.
Dominic DeCoco is a guy named Omar Doom, which, come on, that's his real name?
Omar Doom?
We're out here.
Wild.
Time for my second pick.
Oh, isn't it?
With my second pick, I mean, this is, it's timely.
It is a pick I would have made anyway, but I gonna take jan marty frenchie rizzo and sandy
olsen i'm taking the pink ladies okay yeah from greece they're the ones that you want
they are the ones we want
r.i.p yeah so tell me about it five days ago right i mean i don't know i wasn't keeping track
but it was very recently yeah just a few days ago, right? I mean, I don't know. I wasn't keeping track, but it was a little bit happening recently.
Very recently.
Yeah.
Just a few days ago.
The Pink Ladies.
They're just-
Awesome.
From the movie Grace.
They're fucking fantastic.
I mean, I don't know what to say.
You got Rizzo.
They're all kind of like-
Rizzo was my favorite.
Rizzo was my favorite, too.
Rizzo was the favorite, rightzo was my favorite too Rizzo was
the favorite she was just a down ass bitch but she was like marketed as like everybody's favorite
I think Sandy's supposed to be the favorite it's kind of like baby spice and God bless the dead
yeah but like who gives a fuck about Sandy Rizzo was cool Rizzo was ill and Rizzo was cool like
in the she ended up like not being a
bad they painted her as bad in the beginning she was lousy with virginity yeah but like yeah she
was so you know a lot of people are and she gets a no thing ill from one cigarette right she's too
she's too delicate i think keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers. Look at you, Clark Donahue.
I know what you want to do.
God, she ruled.
She can dance. She's amazing. She can sing.
She's just fucking sassy.
She feels like she'd be mean to you in a way that would make you like her more.
She's on the Yankees now.
She's on the Yankees.
That's right.
Fantastic.
Is that an Anthony Rizzo reference?
Yeah, thank you baseball friday night baseball
for my for my baseball heads that's what that's what we're called shots are the b heads even
though david's obviously the big baseball expert on you uh everybody says it yeah uh i don't know
they're just all there comes a point in your life where if you've lived it right, you would much rather hang out with the pink ladies than Sandy pre pink
ladies.
You know what I mean?
Nobody I'm saying that's the group having the most fun.
Who wants Sandy?
She was an interloper at best.
Yeah.
I learned that glasses trick from Jan where you like put your hand on the
back of it and go.
Yeah.
The best.
It taught me to like be attracted to girls who chew gum really loud
in sort of a sassy way.
They seemed like they loved gum.
Always had a piece.
Always.
They're just fucking great. They're going to beauty school.
They're making it work. You know what I mean?
The pink light. They had matching.
Dropping out of beauty school.
Going to beauty school. I feel like she goes back.
Yeah, I'll give her that.
They had matching
satin jackets which i feel like it's a move that i
don't know why why is that gone away we stopped doing that in high school what like why did we
not make like bomber jackets for our friend group is it is the answer because we didn't have them at oh katie mine had one built in i didn't i never bought a letter jacket or do i nor do i know where my
letter or pins i have a letter jacket right and i know exactly where it is does it say nolan on
the back or does it have like a nickname i think it says nolan on the arm okay okay okay mine says
bori on it i stole it i. I got Ian on the chest,
but it looks like jam because it's cursive.
Sick.
Nice.
Yeah.
Sick.
Big ass wildcat on the back.
I should find that.
I never got one.
Definitely doesn't fit anymore.
I never lettered.
That's me doing a wildcat.
Pretty good.
We were cardinals.
I don't have a voice for it.
Don't play soccer.
Or you could be like Ind domini spirito sancti
you know like a catholic cardinal the pink ladies yeah yeah uh katie time for your second pick
oh shoot movie lover katie nolan that's right famously i'm gonna pick armageddon oh yeah oh
that's so good kadoka south dakota reference right in there what's that that's where they
that's where they find Bear.
They're like, you might be the only black guy on a motorcycle in Kadoka, South Dakota.
And then it's helicopters chasing Michael Clark Duncan.
May he rest, right?
May he rest.
Oh, damn.
Lost a good one.
Yeah, but you got Affleck.
Oh, sorry.
Go ahead.
No, you're all right.
Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton.
You got Bruce Willis.
Yeah, Bruce Willis.
Tyler, I guess, is like peripheral
to the crew.
She marries her way into the crew.
Owen Wilson.
Owen Wilson, I always forget about.
Will Penn. Yeah, one of Owen Wilson's
first roles. Buscemi, I always forget
about. Yeah. Is Buscemi
a pedophile in this too, or what's the deal?
100%. Yeah yeah he's named
rock the whole thing is like yeah that could be that could beat anything don't that doesn't
you could be a rock and a hound and not be a pedophile i think i hate that i've said a lot
of things on this episode he is one of the best character actors that there is will patten he's
fantastic and william fickner sneaks his way in
there too another amazing character actor he's part of like the army fickner from he was in uh
go he played like the the ponzi or the pyramid scheme guy in go who was trying to trying to nail
um jay moore brought him to the crib i don't know or he was in the dark knight he's the bank teller
in the very beginning of the dark Knight. Just a really good character.
Okay.
Is this movie Michael Bay's most Michael Bay movie?
Not his best, but is it his most Michael Bay?
You mean concept-wise, like the fact that they're going to take blue-collar oil riggers
and that's the only way they can get astronauts to drilling to an asteroid that's curling
towards Earth?
I would say yes.
That's probably... It is. Battleship? Didn't he do Battleshipling towards Earth, I would say yes. That's probably...
It is.
Battleship?
Didn't he do Battleship 2?
Yeah, I think so.
Also, the whole movie takes place at sundown.
Yeah.
Yeah, the whole movie.
It's all magic hour.
Yeah, that's pretty good too.
It's such Michael Bay shit.
Shiny skin.
Everyone's so shiny.
Oh, yeah.
It's crazy. Because they're lightly sweaty. shiny skin everyone's so shiny oh yeah it's crazy because they're lightly
sweaty yeah it's he's so they're hard they're working hard all the time is steven tyler part
of the crew no but i understand why you would ask that because that song i mean that song
oh yeah so good i couldn't live my life two flawless impressions always weird though that
it was like his daughter was the object of the it's just a weird yeah it's sexualized
animal crackers too which was to me a confusing it really did as a kid it really really did
yeah i feel like that was the first uh the first movie where below had his new
teeth so he was real excited to show him off in that movie a lot of teeth is that what you call
ben affleck yeah a lot of teeth in that movie he was like oh brand new uh like brand new chompers
though that was the one where he's that's where he was like look i'm a hottie i think so and you're
gonna recognize me as a hottie you only know me with that other guy, but I'm my own hottie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's, so he's not, he's not in the crew, but, uh, when Bill Fichter, when that one guy who
goes crazy on the moon or on the asteroid, Owen Wilson starts going crazy.
What do they call it?
Space crazy.
And Bill Fichter has to say like with a hundred percent seriousness
with this concept never having been introduced earlier in the movie
and not having any like cultural or scientific foothold right he's like he's got space dementia
that's a real thing that we all know about we're all like oh shit yeah well we knew it was a risk
going in.
Wow, I didn't know he had it.
I thought maybe vertigo, but space dementia?
There's no coming back from second dimension dementia.
Now that you mention he has space dementia,
it is pretty clear that he has space dementia.
Star Trek, next dimension, next dementia.
That scene where they think all hope is lost,
and then over the horizon on the meteor,
the rover comes just flying flying over it's so
buck the asteroid but yeah they just they see that the lost the lost rover just come flying
back into view and they're like oh god yeah ben affleck's gonna save the day i mean none of it
makes sense but the age at which i saw it i was like this all adds up yeah this is gonna happen
all adds up that's what true love looks like. That's what, you know, mourning looks like.
That's what blue-collar hard work looks like.
That's what science and space definitely looks like.
Donald Trump is not elected president without the movie Armageddon happening
and teaching us that scientists can go fucking,
they can go swim in a lake.
They can go shove.
They can go shove.
Who we need to solve problems are roughnecks, dude.
Yeah, that's right.
Get them up there.
Leathernecks?
What are they called in this?
Roughnecks.
They're roughnecks.
Roughnecks.
I'll be goddamned if my little girl's going to marry a roughneck.
She's better than that.
That's right.
She's better than all of us.
Shout out to Bruce Willey, dude.
Yeah, she does marry him.
And Bruce Willey.
And shout out to Keith David, who's in this movie.
Keith David?
Oh, yeah.
He plays the general
Yeah he's great man
He's just great what did I just see with Keith David in it
I just saw
We're saying
Oh yeah oh good call good call
Am I just old did you guys know
Gina Davis was married to Jeff Goldblum
I thought they like
After the fly I thought they kind of
Had a romance a bit I didn't know they were married
87 to 91 they got married
I had no idea I didn't know that
I'm sorry I still had her Wikipedia
page open they were both hot in the fly together I knew that
that's for damn sure but
that's an interesting little relationship
isn't it isn't it just
yeah isn't it just
it's like when Baron Davis
dated um Laura D dated Laura Dern.
Laura Dern.
That's wild.
That's one of my favorites.
That one makes more sense to me than Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum.
You think?
I feel like, yeah, because they're just both like cool, smart, funny people.
Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are both eccentric, but in very different ways.
Yeah.
I get that.
eccentric, but in very different ways.
Yeah, I get that.
Like, Geena Davis is like a,
I want to do like puzzles and hyper-focus on archery,
and Jeff Goldblum wants to go to Prada
and play a clarinet.
Okay.
Those are different.
And you can't,
and everybody knows those two things don't go together,
which is why they divorced.
Never the 20th, shall we?
Shortly after having married, four years later.
After having sex like a couple of praying mantises, I imagine.
You do imagine?
Every night.
Dang.
It keeps me up a lot.
That's what does it for me.
David Borey, time for your second pick.
So this one is, I think this is just, it's one of those crews that when you look at it
on the whole, it's very strange, but it seems to work in a weird way.
I'm picking any given Sunday.
Yeah, dude.
The fucking Miami Sharks.
Just like Pacino, Dennis Quaid, Cameron Diaz, James Wood, Fox and Cool J, who apparently hate each other in real life.
That was like a big deal
jim's brown was there lt was there lawrence taylor yeah in a sauna bill bellamy yeah getting blown
which was crazy eric eckhart it was oh yeah it was just like james james woods snuck his way in
there such a crazy group of people to make up the San Jose Sharks
players, or not San Jose,
Miami Sharks
players and organizations,
but really everything you need in a
crew. You got all bases covered.
What do you think Dennis Quaid and Lawrence Taylor
talked about? Straight up motherfucking
yay-o, dawg.
Did they say cocaine?
They talked about snorting up eight balls
dennis quaid was like you know i also got high and broke my leg one time
am i crazy there's a scene in the movie where lawrence taylor saws a hummer in half with a
chainsaw right is it lt who does it yeah because? Yeah, because he's like, you got to respect the defense.
Yeah.
Is that still in the movie?
I swear to God, I haven't seen that scene in years, but I've seen the movie.
Well, I think you watch it on TNT a lot is the problem.
Did they take that out for some reason?
Yeah, they do take scenes out just to fit with the commercials and stuff.
That's why they always say before it's on TV movie, it says like this film has been modified.
Also, that movie is just like a lot of Al Pacino talking about football.
Like he doesn't know what football is.
Yeah.
It's a game of inches.
You gotta be the Mike back.
Don't worry about the Sam of the well.
It's when he's going like he's a defense.
I don't know what you're doing.
You gotta do something.
You're like,
there's no way a professional coach would say that,
but it's not coach shit.
Cause he doesn't sound like he knows anything about football that's what i'm saying
like back when you were a little kid in texas you're just gonna run to the car that's just crazy
he even goes when you were he goes when you were a little kid in the hood what'd your mama say to
you on the porch you remember that and he's like when the street lights came on it's like holy
shit dude that's insane The only kind of coach
Al Pacino should be playing is like a big
East basketball team in the
1980s. That's what coach he should be
playing. Yeah.
It is kind of fun, though, in this
movie because you're like, here's the wacky
coach who doesn't know anything about football,
but somehow they make it work.
On any given Sunday. He's talking about football like
Y.A. Tittle is still playing it.
You know what I mean?
It's like a very, it was a very bad news bear.
Oh, sorry.
That's another.
Gentlemen, in this game, we're down three.
We're down three field goals at the half.
We need to unleash our secret weapon, the forward pass.
It's the Stat statue of liberty play
yeah also jimmy fox finds like a reason to sing like four different times in the movie
just a great weird on just such a strange on song like if if all those people were in a room
together you'd be like what the fuck is going on and that's what i like in my movies it's it is totally unpredictable and somehow also exactly
what you would think would happen if oliver stone directed a football movie exactly exactly
absolutely inflate your chest metrics he keeps the ladies creaming. Cold cream. I believe he says cold creaming. Cold creaming.
Which was really confusing as a kid.
Also, I would have got creaming just fine, but I'd be like, wait, cold creaming?
Cold creaming. What are you doing down there?
Also, he's like a backup quarterback who takes over for an injured starting quarterback and immediately releases a song?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Immediately.
Immediately releases a song. he had a nickname before the
season was over yes steven willie beeman willie beeman and then his girlfriend was like you can't
read that fight they had we're like whoa dude that movie's insane it is and then and then jamie foxx sings
the title track that nobody really ever gives any credit for what was it that
on any given sunday sunday oh i didn't know that that's not ringing a single bell no it wasn't a
great song jamie foxx's career before he got that album off
was just him trying to convince us he could sing.
He also sang a lot in the Jamie Foxx show.
Really in a vehicle that he was in.
It's like the male Zooey Deschanel.
Did she sing?
Oh, yeah.
You're right.
She was always putting it in her shows and movies
and all of her stuff because she was like,
look, I can do this.
And it's like, you can.
We get it.
I guess I'll sing. I guess I'll sing.
I guess I'll sing.
I guess I'll sing in the shower if it's Macy's.
I'm working at a Macy's and taking a shower.
Oh, okay.
Well, Farrell, why are you here?
It makes sense for me to sing here.
It's Kermit.
It's very Kermit.
I really like both of your impressions there.
I really appreciated those.
Thank you so much.
And that's all I have to say.
You can see Nolan and Carmel on the road.
This winter will be in all sorts of...
Any comedy club that used to also have puppet shows will be in.
They're hitting honky tonks.
They're hitting badonkadonks.
They're hitting jukebox joints.
Keeping ladies cold creaming.
In one Mongolian grill.
Sean Jordan, time for your second and your third picks
as it is. Second
pick, I'm going villains. I'm going
Regina, Gretchen, Karen, and
Katie, the mean girls. Wow.
The plastics. Wow. The plastics
with Lindsay Lohan when she
was a plastic, obviously. Yeah.
You want her all in.
Yeah, yeah. Is butter a carb?
What's that dude say about her?
She didn't know how to spell orange.
And I remember watching that being like,
do I know how to spell orange?
I love that.
I love the things that Sean finds relatable in movies.
Yeah, man.
Which mean girl do you relate to?
I like Katie the best because she wasn't mean
but she tried to fit in and i did that for a long time i wasn't mean but i tried to fit in with
some mean kids for a while some people call me some people call them the crips no i wasn't
i never was i don't believe you i never was i've seen you have a little streak to you i i would go
i would go so far as to bet i think you were mean i think we
could go to your high school and there were people who were like i remember sean jordan that guy was
really mean to me you'd have to go to middle you'd have to go to middle school and uh middle school
they would but i i wasn't man i'm telling you i think about it a lot because i feel bad about
i feel bad about being like a bully and i was a bully yeah you should because i think about it a lot too it's formative as the and i feel like a dick yeah as the one who was
bullied in middle school you are a dick sean and you should feel bad i gotta go i'm just kidding
and you're all right now i gotta go bring my daughter i gotta go bring my daughter into the
lake real quick complain about sweetie pie right now no i mean I just, I do think about it probably more than most,
which I guess is a good thing.
And I wasn't ever really a bully,
but I did try to fit in
with bullies for a long time
because I thought it was cool.
And they, you know, so yeah.
Yeah.
Here I am picking the mean girls
because I think they're dank as fuck.
Not a good sign.
Don't run from it.
Don't run from it.
That shit's in your heart, dog. I like how they go run from it. That shit's in your heart, dog.
I like how they go have mocktails.
That shit's in your heart, dog.
They go have mocktails with Amy Poehler,
and she's like,
I'll just throw a smell call in there if you want.
But, you know.
I'm a cool mom.
I'm a cool mom.
I'm into Gretchen Wieners.
Jew?
Father invented toaster strudels.
What more do you need?
Oh, she's Jewish?
She's Jewish.
I didn't even know.
I mean, I just am extrapolating from the name Gretchen Wieners.
Oh, okay.
Although Gretchen's not a very Jewish name, but Wieners.
That makes sense.
And none for Gretchen Wieners.
Bye.
And none for Gretchen Wieners.
Yeah, man, the mean girls.
Oh, it says Judaism here on her Wikipedia page.
Ooh-wee.
Oh, after the breakup of the plastics,
she joined the Cool Asians clique,
which is another clue.
Oh, my God, that's right.
Well, then they all got good.
Regina George, like, broke both her legs
and gotten hit by a bus or something,
but then she was good after that, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She was good at, yeah, Karen Smith.
Didn't she have telepathic boobs?
Or she could tell the weather?
She could tell if it was already raining.
Yeah, if it was already raining. Yeah.
She's like,
I think, is that the movie where she said she had ESPN? Was that it?
And then she's like,
there's a 60% chance
it's already raining.
Fuck.
That's Tim Meadows' best performance, too.
I'm throwing Tim Meadows in your crew. Oh oh my god he was so funny in that gym scene
oh my god as mad as i am that i she named him anthony yeah that's what i remember from that
movie he says it it's so hard to say but he's like yeah my my nephew kept getting mad at me
all summer because i called him anthony almost as mad as i got at my sister for naming her son Anne for name.
Oh, it's good.
It's great. Real fun.
The plastics, they're popular.
They're backbiting.
They're sexy, they're cute, they're popular to boot.
They can sing and dance.
What more do you need?
And your third pick? Third pick, I'm going a crew that
I desperately wanted to be a part of.
I'm going Ben, Jason, Jay, Jonah, Martin, and Jody from Knocked Up, the Knocked Up crew.
Oh, that was a crew you wanted to be a part of.
Well, it started with pugil sticks over a pool that was like on fire or some shit.
They had gas mask bong hits.
It just looked dope.
And they were living off of very little money and eating a lot of spaghetti.
All that sounded fun to me.
It seemed like a jackass type environment,
but without the motivation to do any of the jackass things in a big way,
you know?
Yeah.
Right.
It just seemed like they did dumb stuff and hung out and smoked weed.
It was like what me and my friends were doing,
but they were way more charming.
Yeah.
Same.
I mean,
it's like the most romantic version of the broke first house that we all had.
Like the first one.
All these dudes are witty and like good movies and stuff.
And like maybe you got one of them on Craigslist
and that was how you first met.
But now you've become friends
because you've lived together
and they're actually pretty cool
even though they don't seem like they fit in at all
with the group.
When they go to this,
like they're at some club in LA
and you're like,
you guys are just chilling on the couch. And then when they're all they are like oh spider-man 3 starts at 20 minutes and they just
dip and you're like oh that looks fun just to be that carefree i don't know it's tight we would do
that shit you go to the midnight showing you know before we all had kit before we all had kids and
everything none of them had a daughter i'm still that i just went and saw easter sunday by myself yesterday i'm still very how was that i went i saw
it all right no more this was probably i had when i lived with nick nampay and two other of our
friends this was like what life was like except none of us were having sex as opposed to one of
us somebody pregnant nobody got anybody pregnant nobody was even in the game i had some friends
who did and it was not that charming no it never would because none of the work that scene it was
like that scene where he was like fuck off but like kind of extended it's not nearly as cute
in real life yeah yeah i yeah more focused on like the the beginning of the chilling aspect
in the beginning like that was the first crew like Me, Adam, Scooch the douche where we had the crib.
And it was the crib where everybody came to chill.
And you didn't really care what was going to happen.
If there was a hole in the wall, there was a hole in the wall.
That kind of shit.
We don't own this house.
A beer bong hanging on the...
We hung up a beer bong, but no art or anything.
It was that kind of house.
That was your art.
Yeah. Somebody had a can of... And when our house was your art yeah somebody had a can of it when our house was like that somebody had a can of mace our friend nate had
a can of mace and nick got a hold of his keys that had the mace on it and pretended to spray
he likes would spray every now and then just like one thing in the house and we
and then he ran up to nate and pretended to spray it but he went with his mouth oh my god
like that and nate fell over and started coughing and was like making himself puke
and like for two three minutes behaved as though he had been sprayed with mace
oh it was so who else knew that he hadn't sprayed it only when everyone everyone only
nate thought wow wow wow did you ever do the fake liquor that like where did you ever like give oh it was so who else knew that he hadn't sprayed it only when everyone everyone only they thought
wow wow wow did you ever do the fake liquor that like where did you ever like give someone
non-alcoholic beer and tell him it was beer i've given somebody vanilla coke and told him his
captain and coke i felt so bad we did it to one of our friends and then we told him it like we
were all hammered when we told him to and he's been drinking na beer all night he's like it just
is such a bad thing to do because he felt so stupid
yeah i just feel terrible for doing it on one of my friend's 21st birthdays
we uh he was already pretty drunk and we kept putting hot sauce progressively more and more hot
sauce in his beer throughout the night just more and more until like around 1 a.m. He was like, oh, my lips are so spicy.
I don't know what's going on.
My lips are so spicy.
I got given oregano one time
instead of weed
and I smoked it.
Oh, that would make me nervous.
I wouldn't make anybody
smoke something
because you never know what that could do.
You're like, Mamma Mia, I'm stoned out of my mind.
It's a pizza pie.
I'm tripping the bars over here.
I love the weed.
Let's listen to a Pink Floyd album.
This is incredibly offensive.
Well.
Incredibly offensive. On. Incredibly offensive.
On behalf of my people.
Mm-hmm.
So, yeah, the knocked up crew.
I would extend an olive branch, but you'd probably try to turn it into some sort of oil prod.
Hey!
Pizza!
Hey!
David, time for your third pick. My third pick? I don't know why i did it like that i just felt
i liked it felt like i had to change up my energy it was good i'm i'm taking house party the first
one oh kid in play martin lawrence's balau tisha campbell aj johnson come on they were like they were so fucking cool they dressed cool they were cool
coupled had cool couple dynamics balau could dj in high school that's amazing that's amazing
martin lawrence come on they were they were great they were so like djing was actually pretty hard
i feel like yeah a lot more scratching like it was when
when people actually fucking dj glass blasts dad
dj scratch records god damn it
didn't just hit play you know yeah yeah fucking yeah it's just house party was always the coolest
movie to me when i was a kid they dress dressed cool. They could dance. They did that, ain't gonna hurt nobody.
And then they did the dance where they linked feet.
And then, come on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then, man, Sidney and Shireen had their own dance.
I used to think about that regularly, like, when I was going to meet friends and we would develop dances to go to parties with.
Yeah.
Did it ever happen?
Fucking of course not.
You've seen me at a party and it happened.
I would have been doing it at every party I am.
Yeah, that's true.
But I'm just thinking maybe you weren't with the crew who you had the dance with.
No, I didn't even start dancing regularly until I was in my 20s.
Is it too late?
Is it too late?
To start dancing?
No, to like, to like come up with a crew dance.
Oh, no.
I think we, yeah. You guys could
unveil it in DC. That's true. Here's the thing
though. I can't even learn the electric
slide. I have a terrible memory
for dances. Yeah.
It's like, it's hard to explain
but I just, I don't know.
I'm like dance blind.
I don't know the term. No, it's I'm like dance blind I don't know the term no
it's fair you have dance dementia dance he's got dance dementia I can't dance though I don't want
to go crazy like I get it I gets it in I just can't remember like moves we had to learn that
halftime dance for that game on show I did and it took it took me and Rob Gronkowski like four
solid hours to learn the dance.
And then James Corden came in and learned it in three minutes.
Yeah.
That's a performer.
Yeah.
He's like,
Oh,
it's just a,
it's just a slide.
It's like,
it's just a five,
six,
seven,
eight.
Kickball change.
Kickball change.
Yeah,
exactly.
And I didn't have,
even after four hours,
I didn't have it.
And he had it after like three run throughs.
That's how I am.
I can't,
I just don't,
that's not how my brain works. I can't remember stuff like that. Well, you, me and Gronk dude, it's good company. I've have it. And he had it after like three run throughs. That's how I am. I can't, I just don't, that's not how my brain works.
I can't remember stuff like that.
Well,
you,
me and Gronk dude,
it's good company.
I've said it.
I've said it for days.
You know,
if it helps,
um,
if your brain,
if your brain does work like that,
there's no practical applications.
So it's actually better that your brain work in a different way.
Remembering dance moves has served me zero in my life.
Yeah.
Until they say all the single ladies and you can do it.
Well, yeah.
There's no song that they start singing
that I'm like, oh shit.
Uh-oh.
And I know all the, I just want one song.
They're talking to me, here I come.
Yeah.
I just want one song to be like, okay.
And I don't even care what it is.
What about the songs where they were telling you
with their words what to do in the song?
Still have a tough time.
Like the Hokey Pokey or something?
The Hokey fucking Pokey.
Nobody listens to the Hokey Pokey, Sean.
Jesus Christ, Darren.
Back when DJs were DJs, we did.
God damn it.
Back when DJs were DJs.
Back when you get a record with some scratches on it, we did.
God damn it.
I like that you got the record with scratches on it.
Yeah, well, I got it from a real DJj did i what yeah i said did you love cottenite joe was that like your jam when that would come on no okay good absolutely not house party though i did not
understand the premise of that show at all i mean that song house party oh go ahead no i was gonna say it's been for cod and i joe i would have been married a long time ago
where'd you come from where'd you go what's what did he do i think cod and i joe is a slang for a
venereal disease or is that just a real serious no i don't know hold on makes sense because that
song stressed me stresses me out like he would have been married a long time ago if he hadn't
got the clap but he was was slipping. That's true.
All right.
That's how she caught him.
I'm hacking into the system.
I don't like that song.
I don't like the way it makes me feel when that song comes.
Yeah, it doesn't feel good.
It stresses me out.
It's like too much going on.
Songs always sucked to me.
I never went through that phase.
I never liked that song.
It's a terrible song.
I haven't seen it lately.
Yeah.
Some believe that it means to be drunk on moonshine.
Others think that it refers to the contrast between dark skin and white eyes.
What are we talking about?
Another theory is that Cotton Eye Joe had a disease that turned his eyes milky white.
No, it says, what's the story behind Cotton Eye Joe?
Damn.
What are you talking about his eyeballs?
I'm sticking with venereal disease.
Yeah, I liked it better.
If you Google Cotton Eye Joe, the suggested questions are, is Cotton Eye Joe a racist
song?
And how is Cotton Eye Joe about slavery?
What?
I understand why you would think that.
It does hit me in a weird way.
Well, I guess the cotton connotation.
It's a stressful song.
Isn't it like Scandinavian?
I don't know.
That's the most I've ever even kind of talked about it.
It's by a band called Rednecks with an X at the end.
That's the only thing that's made sense so far about this song.
Wait,
how old is this song?
It is Swedish.
They're Swedish.
Wait,
you're Swedish and you're called the Rednecks?
17 years ago.
It was 1994.
Cotton Eye Joe is a traditional
American country folk song, though. That's
probably the one I was reading about. That's
probably the bad one that I was thinking about. I bet that song was like a million years old.
Yeah. I didn't know that. But it's
different lyrics. Yeah,
I assume. So let's just go with venereal disease
and then cut the rest of this all out.
It's about VD. Yeah, pretty
crazy how it's about herpes.
Anyway, Katie picked Rednecks.
Katie, it's time for your third pick.
Is it?
In that case, I'm going to go with D2 or D3 Mighty Ducks.
It's on my list.
Because that's when they really expanded the world.
Yeah, when they started, when they were going to be in the Goodwill Games.
So they had to go out and grab other people.
Was that the knuckle puck?
Yes.
Was that the other one?
Okay.
Oh, you like that, huh?
What was his name?
What was Kenan's name?
I can't remember.
Russ.
Russ something.
Russ.
Russ Taylor.
Russ.
I like the cowboy.
Oh, yeah. When the geese are hollering and the cow's getting out in the pasture? Russ Taylor. I like the cowboy when he was like,
when the geese are hollering and the cow's getting out in the pasture.
I think Knuckle Puck was two.
Knuckle Puck was two, but the cowboy one is three, I think.
I don't know which.
I'm taking them both.
What about the girl from Maine?
Was that?
Julie the Cat Gaffney?
Yeah.
Was that also three?
That was two, I think.
I get them confused in my head um they're all the same they're all part of one long movie to me three junior good
ball games is two three is when they go to college yes or the academy they go to that academy that
academy number two is where they play iceland iceland and number three is where they play
against the seniors the varsity team.
Greenland is cold as ice, but Iceland is very nice.
Everybody, that's the one thing we all remember.
I also like that they picked Iceland
because it seemed like they could be our enemies
and that they could be good at hockey,
but it was vague enough that it was like...
Pretty neutral.
So it did feel like they were...
I'm just going to say it.
It did feel like they were Nazis, right? Yeah it it did feel like they were nazis right yeah yeah
that was like the whole like yes that was the whole thing it was like they're nazis
but they're not nazis yeah they were nazi super soldiers on on ice skates i would have thought
iceland was touching germany when that movie came out originally part of the ussr so wait
which one was the one who had the kid who could skate fast but not stop?
That's two.
Three.
Really?
No, that was me guessing.
No.
I should be able to separate these in my mind, but all those moments where they have the tryouts and stuff, those are all to me the same.
Could that have also maybe been one?
No, I don't think they added anybody in one.
No, one was all the kids from Minneapolis.
They had the team already, and then I think they added Banks. Banks was the
only one they added. Banks was the rich
kid, right? Yeah, Cake Eater.
Mm-hmm.
Cake Eater?
I would like to say shout out to Goldberg the goalie.
Yeah, dude. It's Russ Tyler.
Come on. Come on. Fat kid icon.
Fat kid icon. We had
so few. Even the kid from Big Green.
We had so few positive fat kid icons but
we had goldberg yeah that's right oh man did i ever tell you he uh this is a classic story
and my with my friends he snub 90s and sam was there and i guess
he was like oh my god goldberg because he's a fat kid and i guess goldberg was like the name is
vince buddy and like yeah come on bud i'm just thinking about sam being on all that back in the day that would have been amazing that would have been intense
he would have blown it welcome to all this
sam here's your check you're fired
he started doing math the guy who played goldberg oh yeah i think i've heard that he's better now
i think i've heard an heard that he's better now.
I think I've heard an update that he's doing well now. There was a period where his mugshot went around,
and I remember people being like, whoa.
Yeah, two years sober now.
Good for him.
Good for him.
Good for him.
Shout out to Sean Weiss.
Oh, God.
Yeah, it's a gnarly one, huh?
That's terrible.
It's tough.
It's a tough one.
It's tough.
But he's doing okay now.
We can all bounce back.
Go, Gould.
Don't cross our crew.
Don't cross Sam Talent.
Don't you.
That's what you get.
Time for my third pick.
Okay.
The time has come for my third pick.
I'm going to take Just a classic crew
I'm taking the fellowship of the ring
Wow
That is a classic crew I didn't even think of
Yeah
I got Gandalf in there
Hanging out on the peripheral
And my axe
I got fucking Gimli the dwarf is in there
I got Legolas just beautiful
Would you say Gandalf is like the
counselor of that group but almost like he's not like he's in the crew but i feel like he's also
like the chaperone kind of yeah he's the consigliere oh i like that i like that consigliere
sure um but yeah i mean they're they're they're a fucking thick crew if there ever was one i got a dwarf
i got some elves i got vegal mortensen i got rudy bunch of different weapons pippin mary sam proto
you got like the four hubs they can give it to you any way they want it dude any way you want
to go they can play that they can play a ground and pound game they can air it out
if they were a football team you know what i mean like they i think i feel like one of them can pick
up gimley and throw him didn't they do that yeah that was one of the moves for sure yeah that's
right because he had he's like throw me and he was he was all embarrassed because he wanted to
throw him onto the bridge to start murking all the orcs that's right yeah aren't the elves aren't
the elves like gina davis aren't they don arrows? They do arrows, yeah. You have Orlando Bloom.
You can hit from all sides.
Legolas just yuck, yuck, just pulling things out the quiver all day.
He'll stab someone with an arrow, pull it back out, rack it.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
Look, you get that noise?
Oh, that's a good noise.
Yeah.
Archery is one of those things that it feels like you'd be able to be like,
yeah, it's this, but I bet once that gets in your hand you're like what's wobbly yeah yeah you ever shot
like a compound bow yeah no i had a bow and arrow phase where i thought i was gonna get like super
into archery as soon as i actually shot a compound bow i was like nah we'll just what's a compound
bow that's the difference between you and gina davis dude big ones with the gears on them and
shit like the big pulley system bows that are
and where are you guys interacting with these i went to shield sporting goods in sioux falls
south dakota and the i was gonna buy one and the dude was like if you can pull it back then i'll
try to like help you pitch it to your mom that you should buy this and or that she'd buy it for
you and i couldn't pull it back years later i finally shot one with my uncle and uh it sucked
i didn't like it okay
all right i wouldn't be surprised if archery is the next thing that brooklyn takes and makes it
a bar like they did with throwing axes which i just thought that was an after dinner thing we
had archery in school did you guys like we had bow and arrows in school, in gym class. I remember kids who did that, but we weren't that kind of school.
Yeah.
It wouldn't have been safe.
We had pickleball.
They gave us seven bow and arrows, and they were like, shoot the targets.
It's like, I don't know, man.
I don't know if they're doing that anymore.
No.
I was wondering earlier if they even have paper cutters anymore, but they got rid of those.
Well, that was before Sioux Falls had a grocery store, right?
So, like, how else were you supposed to go get food?
If you want your lunch period, go shoot it.
Go shoot it.
You guys have, like, a saying where you're from that's like,
Sioux Falls, well, you should help her up.
I have a shirt that says Sioux Falls on it
and some girl eating shit on a bike.
So, you know.
Oh, that's fun.
That's fun.
I think great faces
great places is the is the motto that's that's not is that a motto that like the locals say
i doubt it like i doubt i'm sure they're more like those faces get the fuck out
that feels like a three o'clock on a friday let's get out start the weekend early ass
motto dude yeah it's so crazy that new ham New Hampshire has the best motto of all of ours.
You would never think New Hampshire is just out here like live free or what is it?
Live free or die?
I just said live free or die hard.
And I'm like, that's a loose Willis movie.
That's a good motto too.
That's a good motto too.
Oregon is she flies with her own wings.
Is it really?
Oh, that's cool.
Wait, it's she?
She.
Interesting.
Major feminism win. Well.
Major. We'll take every one
we can get. There's also a beaver on the flag.
Oh, wow. That's a
twofer.
That's a twofer.
Double your pleasure,
double your fun.
Colorado's is
nothing without providence or deity.
What? What even
are both of those things?
Deity's a god.
What's providence other than a city in Rhode Island?
Militia shit.
It's also in Latin.
That's just the, it's actually Nielsen Numine.
We kind of blew it on that one.
That's okay.
I was impressed that you knew how to read Latin.
I don't.
Oh, I don't.
I was lying.
I mean, I was just reading the words in front of me. I wasn't lying. I just, I don't know that that's how you say it in Latin. I don't. Oh, I don't. I was lying. I mean, I was just reading the words in front of me.
I wasn't lying.
I just, I don't know
that that's how you say it in Latin.
All right, relax.
The Fellowship of the Ring
is the Kevin Durant
death lineup warriors
of movie crews.
I firmly believe that.
I think Legolas is Kevin Durant.
Or no, Legolas is probably
Steph Curry.
I think Aragorn is Kevin Durant.
I think Gimli is Draymond Green.
Yeah. The Hobbits are Klay Thompson. Steph Curry. I think Aragorn is Kevin Durant. I think Gimli is Draymond Green.
The Hobbits are Klay Thompson.
Just collectively.
I love that. It's all Klay.
I love that too. A million Hobbits in a
trench coat. Yeah, because they're kind of annoying.
Gandalf is Steve Kerr.
It's all there.
Wait, who is Steph again?
Steph is Legolas.
That makes sense. Yeah, and Aragorn is Kevin Durant. See, who is Steph again? Steph is Legolas. Legolas.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
And Aragorn is...
See, I would want to switch Steph and Clay in that situation because the Hobbits kind
of got on my nerves and Steph kind of gets on my nerves.
Yeah.
And I feel like Clay is very elegant.
I guess he is elegant.
He's doing it from a distance.
Yeah.
All right.
We can switch.
Yeah.
Great.
Let's switch them. Thank you. Yeah. All right. We can all. Yeah. Great. Let's switch them.
Thank you.
Yeah, you are.
Of course.
Somebody once told me it's probably not true that Clay Thompson's mom and girlfriend and
now could be wife do all of his shopping for him.
And I was like, hmm, I'll buy that.
And now I just have that.
That's the chip I hold against him.
But other than that, I like most things about him.
That one just made me go.
He might just not be that into fashion. I'm not into fashion either but i don't think i would have
i don't know might the women team up to provide your dad go shopping for you but katie if we
could get you a stylist like if dan had some type of that's right style knowledge in that giant head. He doesn't. I promise.
There's a lot of spaces.
We went to a concert the other night
and Dan wore a plain shirt.
And the whole time he was looking down, he's like, I have so many
band t-shirts. I have so many things I
could have worn to this event, but I wore a plain
t-shirt and it ruined
his night. That's a power move. Listen, I'm wearing
a plain t-shirt right now. I know. I was
like, plain t-shirts are fine. You're fine.
He was like, no, I fucked up.
So that's him not having national
knowledge. He's in his head about it. What movie
were we talking about?
The Fellowship of the Ring.
The Fellowship of the Ring, but it's time to move on to my
fourth pick, and I have to take
the eponymous, the
reason we're all here. I mean, I can't believe
you haven't taken it yet. I'm taking the crew from yeah yeah fucking dutch dude arnold schwarzenegger yeah
carl weathers plan by you to put it out there that we were basing it on that movie so nobody
would take it in the first two rounds because i didn't want to see it was up for grabs none of us
we didn't we didn't really talk about it at the beginning we just mentioned it as an example if
anybody wanted it was there you go back to naming i didn't mean about it at the beginning. We just mentioned it as an example. If anybody wanted it, it was there. You go back to naming.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
Go ahead.
Three different governors.
Yeah.
Oh, that's insane.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Wait, two different governors.
It's two, but you watch that movie and you're like, those two were governors.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Governor Jesse the body of Ventura.
Governor of my heart, Carl Weathers amen amen brother governor of i feel
like the open sea bill duke who's bill duke bill duke is fucking bill duke i don't know what to
tell you which one is he is he mac in predator bill duke is like yeah he's like is he the guy
that cuts his face with like is shaving so hard that it breaks the razor that's the guy that grabs uh the gatling gun
he goes i'm gonna have you some fun i'm gonna have you some fun he's running through trying
to find predator with the gatling gun and then he's the only one who successfully finds predator
yeah see he's like he's like through them trees or whatever and he shows carl weathers
and that yeah it's sick he's the only one that gets him like the gets the drop on him.
Right.
Exactly.
He fucking sees also in carwash.
Of course.
Of course he was.
Yeah.
Sonny Landon.
That's what I have for this.
Richard,
Richard Chavez,
dude.
And I also get screenwriter Shane black.
Who's like in that crew as the radio guy hawkins he's the comms guy
right yeah it's funny he's the guy who's not like you're like if i didn't see all those other people
i would think that you had muscles but then you see the other ones you're like oh man
bummer just a fucking yoked the most yoked crew possible it's that in the air arm wrestling the
only time i've ever seen that successful where they're just like, oh yeah, you son
of a bitch. Arm wrestling with no table.
It's become an iconic
meme. CIA's got you pushing too many
pencils. That's my Arnold.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
There's a scenario here where Arnold Schwarzenegger is part
of a US Special Forces team for some reason.
That's what I always wonder about.
Nobody thinks that's
insane. It didn't matter everyone's
like ah no one's gonna give a fuck they're like should we should we explain that no great they're
just going in listening to little richard it makes that shit look so romantic though it you're just
like it doesn't they don't make it look dangerous they make it look so fun and rad not only is he
not only he's he was also a vietnam vet dutch he like fought in vietnam
where are they in predator are they in south america i don't know what side austria was on
that conflict no they're in like costa rica or they don't say right where are they like they
say southern america southern america they say south america but then they say russians i think
where they're like there's a like the like the camp is like Russians or something.
I don't think they like probably checked it against.
I think it was insurgents. I feel like they just kind of tossed it in there.
Yeah.
Okay.
Right?
Do you think it was the same way that the ducks were like, Iceland is the bad guy?
They might have been trying to be kind of ambiguous.
Yeah.
This was back when the Soviets were trying to make countries be communist.
This was the Cold War.
So it was like insurgents and Soviet intelligence officers.
Yeah.
Those were the ones that were okay to kill.
Yeah.
You could kill as many of them as you wanted.
You could still be cool and kill a bunch of them.
Dude, that scene where Billy-
Some would argue he'd be cooler.
Doesn't his arm keep shooting a machine gun when he gets blown up or his arm gets chopped
off but it keeps shooting?
Jesse's or Max?
Yeah.
Somebody.
Sounds right.
Yeah.
When Billy takes that machete and just cuts-
Oh no, he's messing Jesse Ventura because he calls his gun old painless.
Yeah.
His fucking machine gun, his minigun.
He's tucking in that lip full of chaw on the helicopter ride.
Dude, that movie's so dank.
I think they should have kept this crew together
and just put them into every kind of genre movie possible.
I mean, isn't that what The Expendables is?
I was going to say that it is pretty much.
I'm saying let's put them in a horror movie.
Let's put them in a rom-com.
I want to see this exact group of dudes.
I want to see them all come of age.
Yeah, coming of age movie, but young predator crew.
That would be...
It's like where they're all graduating high school,
meeting each other.
Perfecting the handshake thing in the mirror
so you see it through all its iterations.
I'd love that.
Arnold goes from being a foreign exchange student
to joining the military.
Yeah.
It's a very serious drama.
Yeah, dude.
We're just tossing free ideas out here, Hollywood.
Let us know.
For real.
Yeah, they listen. Big time movie fan, Katie nolan time for your fourth pick oh dear and there's five
before we get to that actually i'm sorry let's take another short break
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fantasy. Hey, and we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy, everything, a podcast already in
progress. Katie Nolan. It's been three days in recording time since we took our break.
You've had time to go watch a number of films,
70,
72 straight hours of movies.
I'm going to pick with my fourth pick.
Ocean's 11.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
I thought that was going to go pretty early, and I wasn't going to take it.
I planned my draft kind of around it,
but as you do in any draft,
if you see something that you weren't planning on
that's good value available in a late round,
you scoop it up.
Ocean's Lovin'.
It's a classic.
You have to jump on it.
It's got those fountains that you love so much
or didn't even look at once.
Sean's never seen them.
It's got Brad Pitt.
I was doing other stuff.
Yeah, that's when he eats the whole movie.
He's also got a sneaky tattoo poking out of his suit
that they kind of allude to the whole time.
It's funny.
Ooh.
Yeah, make him look a little edgy.
Yeah, you've got Danny Ocean, George Clooney.
You've got Bernie Max, Frank Caton.
God, he's...
A discredited croupier.
A discredited croupier.
Sound familiar, David Borey? I don't know what you're talking about. Discredited croupier? Iredited croupier Sound familiar, David Borey?
I don't know what you're talking about
Discredited croupier?
I don't know what you're talking about
Maybe somebody who used to work at a casino
Now has been discredited and disgraced?
I don't know anything that you're talking about
I wasn't disgraced
I got an honorable discharge
Also, wouldn't it be funny if there was a spin-off?
I can't even get this out.
Danny and Billy Ocean are long lost friends.
And they come together to steal some shit.
Danny and Billy Ocean.
He uses this one phone call.
Danny?
Sorry.
That really got me.
If you Google Billy Ocean, the top question is, does Billy Ocean have three lungs?
What?
Whoa, he did.
What?
What's the answer?
What?
He did not.
Tonight I learned Billy Ocean has a third, albeit small, extra lung.
What are you saying?
You told me to call it small.
It better be small.
Where is it going?
That goes to his Wikipedia page, which has no further information.
Wow.
Is he from the ocean?
It's a guilt.
Oh, my God.
You can't just throw the shit on Reddit and then not back it up.
That's 100% what they can do.
It's like the main thing they do over there.
You can put a lot of shit on Reddit.
Just Google, is Billy Ocean anthropomorphic?
Wait, no.
What is it when...
What's the one when you can go in the...
Amphibious.
Amphibious.
I had a lot of big A words.
What's anthropomorphic mean?
I think that's when you make something act like a something.
How are you going to have three lungs?
Yeah, that's really what we're trying to get to the bottom of here.
I'm sorry for saying all those A words.
I played Jeopardy right before we recorded this.
Do you play Jeopardy just like at home sometimes?
Yeah, Dan and I watch at least one Jeopardy a day.
We got a backlog in the DVR.
It's what we do when we eat dinner.
Dana and I are big Jeopardy people too.
You might be famous enough to go on Celebrity Jeopardy, Katie Nolan. It's what we do when we eat dinner. Dana and I are big Jeopardy people too. You might be famous enough to go on
Celebrity Jeopardy, Katie Nolan.
It has been
discussed.
I think I'd be so
afraid to get something
big wrong. You know when somebody gets
one of those big wrongs and everyone's like,
that wasn't even close.
I'd be so afraid of that
happening that it would happen. You weren't even a country yet.
And you're like, oh.
Yeah, like Katie goes there.
Because I'm really, really bad at some categories and then just really, really good at others.
So I'd be afraid of screwing up a history thing that would just embarrass me for the rest of my days.
You know, for the next time you're on, we should draft what our perfect Jeopardy categories would be.
Oh, my God.
I love that. Like if you could pick, like if you're going to ice out Jeopardy, what would be Jeopardy categories would be. Oh my God. I love that.
Like if you could pick,
like if you're going to ice out Jeopardy,
what would be the category?
That's awesome.
My number one pick,
singers with three lungs.
Did we get to the bottom of that?
It seems like it happened,
but I can't find any reputable sources.
Because you did say before that he had three,
is he dead?
Can you hold your breath longer with three lungs? Yeah, so maybe it made it sound like he got it taken out.
These are all questions I don't know the answer to.
If only we had a way.
I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
Tune in again next week.
The Ocean's Eleven crew.
It's a fantastic crew.
It's the best looking crew possible.
You're not getting a better looking crew than that.
Yeah, it is.
Oh my God. It's young. It is early 2000 looking crew possible. You're not getting a better looking crew than that. Yeah, it is. Oh, my God.
It's young.
It's old.
It is early 2000s movies hot.
Denver boy Don Cheadle made his way up in there.
Oh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Is Julia Roberts count?
Big time Jew Elliot Gould counts.
Wait, he's Jewish?
Elliot Gould?
Elliot Gould and big time Jew Carl Reiner.
And big time Jew carl reiner and big time jew scott khan maybe smaller time jew scott khan but still those first two big time jews
matt damon is so funny in the oceans movies yeah he's great yeah he's a good job him and
bernie mack have such a good scene it was great because he plays so he's
so good at playing like a low status sort of like scrub ass character oh we got a hard out coming up
wait hold on now oh yeah oh yeah we do let's uh ocean's 11 fantastic pick david time for your
fourth pick my fourth pick i am i gotta take old school yeah oh yeah good one it's a good one
yeah i mean i've i've i've said it before changed my life i wouldn't be
here without the guys in old school they just flow so well together i like a big crew of odd bodies
they had it they had an old guy he died i'm here for it my boy i mean yeah i can barely read
oh man that quote dude dog when i watched that movie and I was like, wait, you can be dumb and have a million dollars?
Yeah.
It literally changed the trajectory of my entire life.
Let's just say, Jim, I'm worth $3 million that the government knows about.
I built a city from the ground up and I can barely read.
That the government knows about.
He's just dressed up like a clown pitching to somebody there.
He's like, come, I'll give you a good deal.
Just come on.
I'm not going to fuck you.
Yeah.
In clown makeup, I'm not going to fuck you.
I'm not going to fuck you.
It's so good.
It's such a good crew.
It is.
Such a good movie.
Yeah, I love it.
Yeah.
Shout out to Luke Wilson.
Where have you gotten Luke Wilson?
He's true.
Sean Jordan, time for your fourth and your final picks.
Fourth pick.
I want to watch the world burn again.
I'm going the karate kid, but I'm picking the Cobra Kai boys.
Johnny, Bobby, Tommy.
Johnny, Bobby, Tommy, Dutch, and Jimmy.
Those dudes.
I'm telling you guys.
You like it.
It's in his heart.
He's a bully, dude.
You're a bully, dude.
It's in his heart.
Like it or not.
I've been saying it for years.
Those, like it or not, they're a crew.
I mean, I'm telling you, matching jackets.
It's not one that you have to pick.
You can be a crew.
Matching jackets.
They stuck together.
Dirt bikes.
None of these crews are getting dirt bikes together.
These fools did.
Dirt bags.
Dirt bags, dude.
So that's four.
And for the sake of time, for my fifth pick, I'm going Ninja Turtles.
Mike Rafton.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Good.
Really good.
April and Splinter.
Casey Jones.
Casey Jones will throw in there.
Yosagi Ojimbo we can throw in there.
I mean, depends on how big you want to get with it.
I'd be happy to take the bad guys, dude.
Give me Bebop, Rocksteady, Shredder.
Oh, whatever, you fucking bully.
Give me Kane, dude.
You know what?
It doesn't work when you do it
Don't bully him about it
Ian are you okay
Ian are you okay
You alright
No
Do you want me to talk to him
I can get him out of here
Yes
Just say the word
I'll get him right out of here
Why don't you go
Why don't you go read
All those fucking books dude
Hey Sean
Hey Sean
Sorry Katie I'm sorry
Hey Sean if you could not
Thanks
Go ahead Ian
What were you saying?
No, it's okay.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Sean, which Ninja Turtle are you?
Michelangelo. Nunchucks, baby.
Oh, pizza.
Skateboarding pizza, nunchucks.
Oh, pizza.
If I had three lungs, it'd be skateboarding pizza, nunchucks if i had three lungs it'd be skateboarding pizza nunchucks
but i don't so that was number five for me uh david time for your final pick boogie nights
oh fuck oh yeah that's so good perfect yeah that's the best pick of the whole show it's
everybody's in it you got all the people doing the things
everybody's fucking
they're doing 70s cocaine
Luis Guzman made it
I just have a reason to talk to Burt Reynolds
and Luis Guzman at the same time
that's a great night
Riley's in there
Mark Wahlberg the only two way player that we have so far
right
we don't need to dive into all that.
No, I think
or at least two of the movies I... Oh, wait.
Maybe. So far.
Just forget I said anything. Go ahead.
That's a solid. That is solid.
Good job, man. That's perfect.
Arnold Schwarzenegger played Raphael,
so that's another W.
Oh, Brad Pitt.
Brad Pitt's in the Bastards and theitt's and the bastards and oh yeah good call
good call good call but yeah boogie nights it's just right come on they do everything you want
them to do it'd be a great short-term hang oh it'd be a great party a cock cocktail party
yeah no pun intended uh-. Cock and tail porn stuff.
Which other one is Owen Wilson in?
Isn't he in Armageddon?
Yeah.
And Luke Wilson.
Is that Luke?
That's Luke.
God damn.
They're the same to me.
They're not.
One is way better than the other.
They're crazy.
Crazy difference. The butterscotch stallion.
What about the other Wilson?
The dude that's in Bottle a bottle rocket anyway which is the one
oh Owen Owen super
talented he writes he wrote the
best Wes Anderson movies yeah
I think Wilson's amazing I think loose
Wilson is actually pretty fucking boring
anyways Boogie Nights
the tea it doesn't do
it doesn't do anything for me
I get it I'm. Julianne Moore's
in there? Boogie Nights. Heather Graham,
dude? Hot.
Katie, time for your final pick. I'm torn.
I'm so torn between two.
Shout out Natalie and Brulia.
Nothing's right.
I'm torn.
Let's go with how you
feel. I feel strongly
about both
I'm such a movie buff
big movie fan
I'm gonna go with
Anchorman
oh yeah
beautiful
absolutely
yeah it was on the list
it was on the list
that was the very top of my list
and you're talking about
Ron Brick, Ryan Champ.
Dr. Kenneth Noiswater.
You know they're real people.
James Westfall and Dr. Kenneth Noiswater,
those are two of his friends.
Oh, yeah.
They're two nuts.
I like that.
That's fun.
That's really good.
Real names are always funnier.
And now we have Vince Vaughn.
He's not part of the crew,
but he is Wes Mantooth.
Yeah, he's in there.
Even the guy that can't talk said something he's got to say something
Dorothy Mantooth is a saint
the Anchorman crew
time for my final pick, the final pick of the draft
there's some good
there's a lot of good stuff open
50 left on my list
this is kind of a weird crew but i just watched this
movie and i gotta take it because i think it would be a really fun crew to hang out with
i'm taking the crew from ed wood i don't know that crew i never even see that movie i don't
know that crew johnny depp right or ed wood i guess johnny depp as ed wood and then Bela Lugosi.
Got that track.
The vampire guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's not,
it's an actor as Bela Lugosi,
but so it's Ed Wood,
Bela Lugosi,
Vampyra,
who was like,
basically was like a lady who played like a vampire
showing B movies,
kind of like,
what's her face?
Was later?
Elvira.
Elvira, yeah, but like the original,
so her name is Vampyra, a huge
professional wrestler
and Bill Murray
as like a...
Isn't D'Onofrio in that movie too?
He might be.
Hold on, let me look. I think he is.
Yeah, he is.
It's a great fucking movie.
You have to watch this movie.
I have so many movies to watch now.
Martin Landau's in there.
It's Tim Burton. Martin Landau plays Bela Lugosi.
Oh, sure. Bela Lugosi's not really in it.
I got you.
No, no, no, no, no.
Fuck me.
Bill Murray plays a character named Bunny Breckenridge
who is like one of his best performances.
It's just, yeah.
Vincent D'Onofrio plays Orson Welles.
The staple's in there.
Patricia Arquette's up in there.
George the Animal Steel's in it.
Nice.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
Ned Bellamy.
So there's basically a wrestler, a psychic, a vampire lady,
a guy who played vampires, Ed Wood.
It's just a fun crew.
That's my final crew.
Ned Bellamy.
Just like Willie and Dan.
It's Bill Bellamy's brother, Ned Bellamy.
Marissa, those are our picks.
Marissa, do you have a pick?
Yeah, I'm going to take Ash Ketchum's Pokemon team from the first Pokemon movie, Mewtwo Strikes Back.
So included in that crew
you got Pikachu, you got Bulbasaur,
you got Squirtle, you got
Pidgeotto, and most importantly you got
Charizard. And that is a dragon that can
fly. And I really want to ride that dragon.
Dude, I've heard four of those. That means
those are the big names. That's like an all-star team.
Yeah, those are big hitters. Heavy hitter crew.
Squirtle was also on the Boogie Nights crew.
That's another one.
Amazing pick, Marissa.
To recap, Sean, you went first.
You took the Earps and Doc Holliday,
the Plastics and Mean Girls,
the Knocked Up crew,
Cobra Kai,
and then Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
David, you went second.
You took the Rockford Peaches,
the Miami Sharks,
the House Party crew,
the cast of Old School,
or the guys from Old School,
and the Boogie Nights crew. Katie, you went third. You took the House Party crew, the cast of Old School, or the guys from Old School, and the Boogie Nights crew.
Katie, you on third.
You took the Italian Job crew, the Roughnecks from Armageddon, the Mighty Ducks, Oceans
11, and the Channel 4 Action News team from Anchorman.
Let's go.
I went last.
I took the Inglourious Bastards, the Pink Ladies, the Fellowship of the Ring, the Green
Berets from Predator, and the crew from Ed Wood.
Yeah.
We left amazing picks on the
board i mean polysicero's gang from goodfellas the avengers gone in 60 seconds the second one
i was gonna get was gone in 60 seconds i was the one i was like oh yeah i loved that movie i mean
set it off la familia from uh you know fast and furious set it off nightlights menace juice i
mean steel magnolias oh yeah the steel magnolias
the divorced ladies straight out of complicated
straight out of Compton dead presidents
the boys in the tenenbaums the first wives club
the brothers
the wood the wood doesn't count I was bummed but
anyway yeah it's only three but there was
a lot yeah it is amazing well we want to hear
yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy
podcast at gmail.com
shout out to super producer Marissa we love you Mars on the ones and twos shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to
the afe patreon thank you for holding us down shout out to the afe shislakity the afe subreddit
shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude shout out to haji beats and more important
than all of that tune in again next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything
shiklakity to get next to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything. Sha-clackity! that was a hate gun podcast