All Fantasy Everything - Foods We Ate When We Were Broke (w/ Shane Torres, Sam Evans, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

AKA what Sean chooses to eat now.Episode Guests:Shane Torres @ShaneTorres (IG: @ShaneTorres)Sam Evans @ReallySamEvans (IG: @ReallySamEvans)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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On today's episode, we're drafting things you eat when you're broke. Our guests today are the hilarious comedians Shane Torres and Sam Evans. David Borey, currently in a dirigible, floating high above Bolivia. But my good friend and comedian Sean Jordan is here, and so am I, your host, Ian Carmel. Let's get into it. Hey, welcome to All Fantasy Everything. We're here. Someone gave me shit the other day for laughing too early. I'm sorry.

I thought, now I'm going to be self-conscious when I laugh. They were nice about it, but it's like, hey, I'm in a good mood. So you just wanted to explain that to us? Yeah, well, I just started laughing immediately. He didn't even say anything funny, but it's just different because he switched, he screams and I was laughing. Well, I'm going to go ahead and say that's wrong. That's a bad attitude.

You should be allowed to laugh early. Yeah. Laugh the whole time, dude. If you just want to be a little giggle, if you just want to be a little giggle puss the entire time we do the episode, that's your prerogative. I might be. What was that word you used? Dirigible? Dirigible, my friend. What is that? Shane, what

is that? Dirigible? I don't know this one. Hot air balloon. That's right. Or like a zeppelin. Yeah. Is it like a kind of Zeppelin? Or is it just like another name for a... Another name, I think.

Wait, a Zeppelin's a blimp, I thought. Yes. I think a dirigible has something to do with like the ribbing on the balloon or something like that. This is definitely what we should be talking about. Even saw the likes of the Goodyear dirigible. Today we're drafting

floating matter on all things. Today we're drafting differences between blimps, zeppelins, dirigibles, and airships. There we go. And unidentified flying objects. That's what I wanted to know about. Our guest today is a piece of low-sodium turkey breast.

is a piece of low sodium turkey breast. How do we start this damn podcast now? Shane Torres is here. Sam Evans is here. We do the plugs usually later, but today exclusively we're going back to the old model just for one person because Shane Torres, you have a very special

thing to promote turn this podcast off right now and go watch it no no no no Isaac how far do they have to listen for the ads to count how far do they have to listen yeah for the ads to count

I don't think they do. Oh, well, fuck it. Go listen right now. I mean, I think if they stop listening, the ads will go away, but I think... We're kidding. Everybody listen. First of all, listen to the sponsors two, three times and then eventually listen to whatever it is.

Over and over and over again. And Shane has a special coming out in 2025 that he can't wait to talk about, right? You're such a prick, Sean. April of 2026. Both of you want to be like, you want to be like this as people. It's called Tambourine.

You can buy it with water at that point. It's December 10th. It's called The Blue-Eyed Mexican, so it's on YouTube. It's on 10th. It's called The Blue-Eyed Mexican, so it's on YouTube. It's on my channel and Burt Kreischer's channel. Subscribe to my channel while you're at it. I would love it if you watch it. Share it. I need your help. I don't want to have to keep doing this

podcast. It's so fun. It is fun. But yeah, I think it's a very good special. Sam opened on it. Actually, Sam did the opening set for the special, warmed up the crowd. That's right. Some people said saved it. I didn't hear that.

The most exciting part of a race is when someone parks the car. So yeah. Sam, you were there. You saw it in person. How do you think the special went? Should people go to Shane Torres' YouTube channel and watch it? You be honest now. Shane, go do there. You saw it in person. How do you think the special went? Should people go to Shane Torres' YouTube channel and watch it? You be honest now. Shane, go do it.

Or Burt's. I would actually love to take this opportunity to tear Shane to shreds, as is my want. But I'll say it was really good. It was fantastic. It did fantastically well. I had one of those dream scenarios where the first show knocks it out of the park. So the second show, he just got to go buck wild. He did really good.

And he even made me watch it after he got the edit. And it was still enjoyable. And I've seen it probably more than anybody. That's right. And you hate Shane. Just to be clear for the listeners. You hate Shane. I hate Shane.

That's because he's staunchly anti-immigrant, though. He doesn't like Mexicans. That's what your audience should know about Sam. They're going to take anything away from his first appearance on this podcast. He's a man who has good opinions, and one of those opinions is that he also liked your special.

That's a 301. If anyone is listening to this for the first time, we aren't actually far right. I heard the special was amazing. The streets were talking. Everybody said it was fantastic. Everybody was there. It made its way all the way up here to Portland, Oregon.

People talking about how great it was. So December 10th, download, download, download. Share, share, share, share. I loved it, but it was the first time I've ever seen standup comedy. So what do I know? I don't, I don't. He had never watched one. We were all starting.

He would never watch any of it. No. He would just sit in the back with his headphones on with a blindfold and just do the thing. I would listen to, I would not watch, but I would listen to Ken Burns' The National Parks, just sitting in the back. So I do know, I know a lot about Acadia up in Maine. If anybody wants to ask me about that. But this was my first exposure to stand-up. I don't.

Check that out. But we're gathered here today not to promote the blue-eyed Mexican. A special title that I feel slightly uncomfortable saying. But we'll say. It's harsh when you say we're gathered here not to promote the blue-eyed Mexican. We're gathered here not only to promote the blue-eyed Mexican. Available on Shane Torres' YouTube channel and failing that, Burt Kreischer's

YouTube channel. But wherever you watch it, subscribe to Shane Torres' YouTube channel for more premium content and I believe a lot of foot fetish stuff. Is that right? It's coming back. It's coming back. I'm going to post something later. Alright, fantastic for all you foot piggies. Dirty little foot pigs. I hate that to post something later. All right. Fantastic for all you foot piggies. Dirty little foot pigs.

I hate that you have a day for it now. Foot Friday. You know you're one of my little toe hoes. Will you pour a Jägerbaum on it for me and put it on Instagram tonight? Instagram live and pour a Jägerbaum on your toes. If you want to see me do a weird shit with my feet, I'll do a weird shit with my feet. You are in a bar. Just go do it right now.

I think that's going to cost you extra. I'm at work. I say, you don't have ugly feet. You don't have bad feet, you know? No. See? The stand-up, just so we're clear, Sam thinks it's awkward.

My feet are like Zach Braff. There's something about them. They've been around so long that we all just sort of accept it now? Yeah. That's more of a Dax. That's more of a Dax Shepard sort of thing. Your Peter,

like Zach Braff, they make Natalie Portman uncomfortable. Florence Pugh defends your feet on, on most podcasts. She does. Yeah. I like my feet. They're fine.

They're no dancers feet, but they're, yeah. I like him too. They make it move. You know what I'm talking about. They make it move. I didn't like that.

That's one of those things that's simultaneously not gross and so gross. It's so gross. The grossest. You make it move. You pluck that directly from your wedding vows, which is what a lot of the listeners don't know. Yeah, my bitchin' wedding vows. I got torched at my wedding.

You did. You got set on fire at your wedding. I can't read well out loud, especially when I'm crying. I just wrote vows to show her that I wrote vows. I didn't say a word that was on the page. If only you had some background of writing and then memorizing and then performing

material public speech in places where people are drinking in a good mood some point in your life you would have experienced that before but alas you hadn't the parallels are staggering yet

I still got torched. This fucking guy. Come on. The vocabulary is popping, dude. And I've been reading less than normal, which was already little. How is that possible? I think that means you're driving with your eyes closed, because that's the only way. I've been lighting

books on fire. God. Oh, God. Reading less than normal. It sucks, man. I'm sorry. I know, Ian, you just wrote a book and I'll read it, but man, I just can't. I'm trying. I'm so bad at it. What book are you trying to read? Not actively

any book right now. The last book you tried to read was like a parenting book, which I think would be difficult for anyone to get through. I had to get it on tape at the Denver airport. I read that Sioux Falls book. That was the last book I read. Can I tell you that? difficult for anyone to get it on tape at the Denver airport. I read that Sioux Falls book. That was the last book I read. Laura wanted me to read one chapter. She wanted me to read one chapter.

I was gone for 11 days and I was at DIA on the way home on my layover. And I was like, well, I get it on tape. That means you can be like everything I learned about fatherhood. I learned from the denver airport yeah i told her immediately i was like hey the chapter has been absorbed uh i did not read it with my eyes but it is in my brain you know like uh don't what do you want later when you're re-watching blood in blood out look at a book like just 10 i'll look at a book. Like just 10 minutes that all the shanks are getting. Could we get a GoFundMe

to get Tuco to sort of like read a book on camera for you? I would be terrified. Just listening to Tuco. Or a cameo. Tuco to read The Wager. You know what I mean? Half an hour by half an hour. Then you could just like get into that.

Or Gus Fring reads The Deal Broker. If we get up to 2,000 patrons, I will read Moby Dick. I will trip through Moby Dick. As I've heard, it is a tough read. I've gotten a third of the way through Moby Dick. It is tough, dude.

It's not going to be a quick process, but it will be a process. We'll get done. Max will be reading by the time you finish that book. Man, so she's memorizing pages now, so it appears she can read. She can't, but she just memorizes what's on the page, so she can read you a certain book that we have.

Pretty wild. When you say a certain book, that really begs the question A. weird book and B. why did you leave it out? what are the guns, germs, and steel? she's been reading Skateboard Burrito chapter by chapter every night

a certain book of the dead she's been chanting the Necromonicon from memory A certain book of the dead. Of the dead. I didn't say a certain book. She's been chanting the Necromonicon from memory. Spiritus Sanctus. That's her eyes roll back in her head. It's adorable. She's necromancing at a third grade level, by the way.

Not bragging, just reporting. That's some shit you'll say at a Portland school. I'm telling you. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. What are 10 other shit you'll say at a Portland school I'm telling you oh my god what are 10 other things you'll say at a Portland school 10? you put me on the spot like that? yes where

where is the Cantonese immersion classroom for 4th graders is there is this gluten free Where is the Cantonese immersion classroom for fourth graders? Well, that just sounds like a good idea. Is there... Is this gluten-free ribeye? Are you typing and searching this while you're saying it?

No, I'm just trying to think of 10 things. We approached a joke on that one. That's good. This is like... 10's a lot. This is like hearing someone try and give a book report on a book they haven't read, which is almost perfect for you. You don't know how many times I've watched

the movie and gave the book report, and the teacher's just like, no. That's not what happened in Sphere the book, Sean. There's like a gnarly flash of light. I don't like chocolate milk. Do you have oat milk? There we go.

There's one. There we go. That's a joke. This is the water fountain, and this is the kombucha fountain. There you go. That's a lot of low-hanging fruit, Sean. Tens a lot. Tens?

Yeah, but you got to start at one. Here's the tiny little statue that we let the third graders topple every Friday. the third graders topple every Friday? This is Dick and Jane try to avoid tear gas at a public demonstration. And gender norms. A sign that says A is for Antifa. They can keep going. I hope Portland's

not saying those by the time Max is in school. I hope that ship has sailed and those days are of a bygone era. Here is an area on the wild. Bygone era. Ooh, bygone era. Somebody watched Star Wars or something. I don't know what happened. I'm just not actually stupid.

That is what it is. Well. Smart guy. We are gathered here today not to for some reason just rag on Sean for like the first 20 minutes of the podcast I know I just told you I had such a shitty day I know

I'm sorry about that this is how we demonstrate our love and I think we all know that by now I love you so much and I think today will be better let me cut you off this is one of the things that always gets me in a good mood no matter what doing this live, zoom, in person shut the fuck up Shane

this always gets me to cry. Do you want to think it makes it move? No, your little foot with a Jäger bomb getting poured on it makes it move, baby. It makes it big. I'm going to get my Hobbiton foot out there. You've given me the husband's bulge, my friend. The husband's balls oh god

it sounds like biblical sounds like your dick just gets bigger and not like long or anything like someone's blowing up a balloon it's like a lump. It's like a lump in a mattress. We are drafting things you eat when you're broke.

AKA things Sean eats right now. Not because he's broke, but just because your diet has changed very little, I believe. You see that interview where Al Michaels says he's never ate a vegetable on purpose? Yes, I did. Yes, I did. 30 people said he's never ate a vegetable on purpose? Yes, I did. 30 people said that to me this morning. It must have just came out yesterday. I just wrote on...

He said maybe his wife snuck some in here and there, but he never knowingly ate a vegetable. Oh, God. That can't be actually true, but even if it's kind of true. He's in his 80s, too. He has top tier income. He's fine. He can afford extensive medical care. Sean,

this is not something we're allowing you to get away with. Listening to him and Chris Collins we're not doing Al Michaels good. He's amazing at his job. Yeah, no, I'm you're not wrong, but the idea that that's the height of like wealth is you can just stop eating

vegetables. Goodbye. We're post-vegetable, actually. There we go. His wife must secretly pay someone to sneak in at night and just shoot kale juice down his throat. Or somebody just massages

his chest so the cholesterol doesn't build up. When I first moved in with Laura, I saw her mincing up an onion one night and putting it in the chili. I was like, I hate onions. I wasn't being a dick about it because she was making chili, but I was like, can we just not do it without onions?

She goes, I've been doing this every time you've had chili over the years. Have you ever tasted the onion? I go, no. I just walked out. What are you going to say? what are you gonna say what are you gonna be like no but i know it's there you know it's like yeah all right i guess just don't let me see it aromatics dude what you need to realize is that a lot of your favorite flavors are because onion and garlic and all that stuff are part of a uh a rich palette of flavors i like onion

flavored bad for you food i just don't like onion flavored bad for you food. I just don't like onion flavored good for you food. Like chips. I like a chip. This is what Max should be sounding like when she's reading. I like onion good food. I like an onion dip.

The way we determine the order of this draft is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Shane wins.

The blue-eyed Mexican himself available on Shane Torres' YouTube channel. One, the rock, paper, scissors. Shane, as the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you.

It is a serpentine draft. And what is that exactly? That is a blooming onion. Yuck. Yuck. I like veggie dip. Veggie dip. I like onion is a giant blooming. There's so much onion. There's too much tasteable onion in there. I don't like onionie dip. A blooming onion is a giant fried onion ring.

There's too much tasteable onion in there. I don't like onion rings either. Tasteable onion? If you're ripping ass around a lake on a jet ski. I got the husband bulge and she's got her tasteable onion. Oh no. Oh no. Mine was biblical and yours was porno december 10th

the blue 2029 no you dick when the shane's blue-eyed nasty onion will be available on whatever streaming services it's if you're ripping ass around a lake on a jet ski you rip ass past everyone on the beach you do a donut you rip ass past him past him again. You do a donut. You rip ass past him again. You do a donut. You just keep doing that until you run out of jet ski, baby. Bars. I've decided to become a white guy who said bars. I meant to announce that earlier in the podcast.

Is veggie dip, does veggie dip have a vegetable in it? Yeah. Isn't it all good for you? They shouldn't be allowed to call it veggie dip. It's not good for you. It's not good for you. It's not good for you. I feel like there's chopped dill or something in it. I don't know if that's a vegetable.

There's like carrot. There's like minced carrot and veggie dip sometimes. Or like cucumber. Cucumbers do pickles. Cucumber. Cucumber. Carrot. Isaac, cut that out and just kind of isolate that.

Yeah, whatever. Me and... What's her name? Baldwin. Haley? No, Alec Baldwin's wife. Hilaria Baldwin. Hilaria Baldwin. Hilaria. Yeah, she pretended to be from Spain.

How do you say? Cucumber. Cucumber. Cucumber. Sean, do you not know about this? It's Pepino, by the way, I believe. Pepino. This is two years old or four-year-old gossip.

Not even gossip, but like celebrity talk. She pretended to be from Spain. She's from Boston. Her parents moved to Spain when she was like 25. That's a Boston-ass thing. And then she started talking in like a, how do you say, a cucumber? Like that.

That'd be, that's crazy. I mean, I think it's crazy when like madonna's british sometimes so yeah that's crazy or do you remember that john dore joke you can't i can't say it because it's so it's so funny but it's so offensive it talks about people getting the uh uh going a place and then like talking about having an accent and when they come back with an accent next time you bring up someone else's joke make sure that you can completely steal it okay okay is that okay Shane don't talk to me like

don't talk to the blue eyed max again available everywhere on YouTube like that dude anywhere on YouTube it's a big place YouTube it's gonna be on Joe Rogan's channel. It's going to be on Funny Animal,

Unlikely Animal Friends. It's going to be on that weird thing that's probably run by the Chinese government where it's just a bunch of like weird 3D models of Marvel heroes, like falling down a water slide. How many times do you think the average person looks at their phone per day?

I looked it up last night. Don't know why this just popped into my head, but something when you said. Two to three. two to three, two to three, sure. Too busy just doing other intellectual stuff. I'll say two to 300.

Okay. Shane, I'll say 400. Okay. My actual guess, uh, 791, like 96,

but you guys, I'm sorry. I mean, that's still a lot, isn't it? That's a lot. That means over 15 years, if you do it, like if you do the average, you look at Sorry. I mean, that's still a lot, isn't it? That's a lot. That means over 15 years, if you do the average, you look at your phone 525,000 times.

It feels low. I thought that felt high. But we're all on it for work and stuff a lot of the time, too. Yeah. Yeah, just sweat. We might be on it more than the average person. So you're getting paid to jack off now, huh?

and more than the average person. So you're getting paid to jack off now, huh? After I had that, I had a scare with my computer once, so I only use my phone now. I used to use my computer. I had a scare? Yeah, well, that window popped up and said I had to call AppleCare

and I called him. I used to have a bit about it, but I called him and the guy tried to hustle me into buying protection. He got his way into my computer. I gave him my password and I could see him poking around with my mouse. And I was like, oh, no. And I shut my computer and I hung up on him.

And I was going to go see straight out of Compton. I was in Madison and I got halfway to the theater and I was like, no. So then I went back and just turned my computer on and off for like six hours just watching it to see if there was like a demon in there. I was terrified. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round. like a demon in there or something. I was terrified. Basically what it means is you picked fourth in the first round. You picked first in the second round. Now, Sugar Shade Torres, master of the sweet science, what will

the order of today's draft be? Well, I think I'm going to go in the order of my Zoom. That's great. People who are listening to this definitely relate to that order. Get him, dude. Get him. Backwards. Get him. Ian, Sam,

me, Sean. Hot corner. Whoa. I feel uncomfortable going first, but I'm going to do it because the Blue Eyed Mexican is available on Shane Torres' YouTube channel and also Bert Kreischer's YouTube channel. And that's why.

That's why I'm going to do it. What? Available everywhere on YouTube. It's everywhere. It comes out April. It comes out January 6th. It will on January 6th because it's your favorite day

and we wanted to make a big deal out of it. Oh, God. It comes out January 6th on Newsmax. Newsmax is first. What is the... Is that what the far right one

is called? What is it? OAN. OAN. It comes out January 6th on OAN. It's OAN's third. They put out two Owen Benjamin specials and now Shane Torres the rapidly conservatively growing Latino market is it's the blue eyed

and then they bleep the next word alright I've got the first pick in the things you eat when you're broke all fantasy everything fantasy draft and we're going to get to that first pick right after the short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne.

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Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. A Spike Lee joint. I have the first pick. It sure is. People say that. A lot of people say it every episode has been directed by Spike Lee sorry we're drafting

things you eat when you're broke I have the first pick and with that first pick I'm going to draft a Totino's party pizza with sriracha and ranch dressing on top of it yeah I mean you fold it into a little calzone you're set this was this was like the this was like Yeah, I mean... You fold it into a little calzone, you're set. This was...

This was like the... This was like... You were in the... This is like the... The Baked Alaska, the Muscle's Dynamite, the Beef Wellington for broke motherfuckers.

This thing, like... They have not gone up. They're at the same price. Are they really? Oh, yeah. Like five for five bucks still. Five for five five dollars you take a totino's party pizza a little bit of sriracha on there back when sriracha was freely available a little bit of ranch dressing on top and you were in the money baby you couldn't tell me that i wasn't a billionaire when i was eating that thing

sitting down doing a fantasy draft on Madden 2006, eating that pizza. Delicious. I know we've had this conversation. It's like 4,000 calories and none of it is actually food. It's like bananas. 4,000 calories of industrial waste shaped into a circle

and flash frozen at a plant somewhere offshore so they can get away with it. I think they grow it on the garbage island in the Pacific. There's like a farm up there. That could be true. I'd be still stoked on it. We've had this conversation.

It's bad for you. It's not gross. People say this shit's gross. It's so good. I could eat a thousand of them. I agree with you. I agree with you. It's so good.

One of the few points you've made that I actually agree with. It's delicious, but I guess it depends on what you mean by gross, because I'm fairly certain that Totino's is Italian for banned by the UN Security Council. If you want to see a Totino's, check out my Instagram on Friday. Oh, no. Those are some spicy meat balls. The beef Wellington comparison is good, good though because it is a feast you know like in terms of broke foods you get it and you're like this is the best day i feel good i'm not worried about not having money anymore you know it's it's it's it's

a celebration it's microwave i never put them in the stove i had friends that would put them in the oven fucking least surprising thing i've ever heard that you never put them in the stove. I had friends that would put them in the oven. Fucking least surprising thing I've ever heard that you just put it in the microwave. Of course. Always. I put them in the oven. Oh, God, no. Two minutes in the microwave? How do you put it in the store in your bare hand without a bag?

Does it change the consistency if you do it in the microwave? No. So I bet you it slightly does. Calm down. I will not calm down. A couple Michelin stars down there on the bottom of my screen it's the same it might be a tad bit crispier but it's doesn't even much to crisp up it's please no it's like eating a fucking italian sponge when you do it in the microwave not that there's anything wrong with that not that there's anything wrong with that by Not that there's anything wrong with that, by the way. These guys are making fun of us.

Spongy. Okay, so what? You do a bath like a normal person. You don't do an Italian spa. You don't take a pot of pizza, dip it in the water, and clean yourself. I didn't eat a lot of these sober, so I didn't really have the patience for the oven would be a big part of it. The microwave would just get it done. What were you eating sober?

I was eating these sober, drunk, and everything in between. I didn't eat a lot of anything sober in this stage. There was a lot going in sober, but these were more of a late night. These weren't really a dinner thing. These were more of like a late night, midnight, 1, 2 in the morning,

throw them in the microwave and just go nuts on them for me. I mean, drunk is a different thing, but it's so much better. A Totino's pizza is so much better out of an oven. Did you slice it up with a little pizza cutter? Make little pieces out of it? I might have. Depends on how much I had to drink.

Sometimes I ate the whole bouquet. Sometimes I only had a rose or two. Every broke flop house for some reason had a full-blown pizza cutter well yeah you know what i mean they were like the staple six plates none of them matched never enough forks but always in the drawer there was one of those like circular pizza cutters like you worked at like a pizza pie place in in the east village it was it's it'sling. It is weird that that's like the utensil

in a bro house. There's never like a spoon that you need to whip something on a holiday when you're like, we're going to do Thanksgiving. There's never any of that shit. But there is a pizza cutter. I also feel like that's a staple of every friend group. I'll say 18 to

30 is at least one friend who is currently working at a pizza place. Does that make sense? Yeah. Some of those were so clutch. Yeah. Where they could just bring over food. Let's not get into,

let's not get into dangerously close to pigs. We had a friend, uh, when I lived in like the flop house with three other dudes who worked at a beer distributor and there has never been a more clutch roommate than beef. That's good. Yeah. He would just bring home just like he would.

I think this is before I met either of you guys. He would just bring home like castles of like 36 years. And we would just set those up in the kitchen at a party and then watch them like slowly, not even at a party, just all the time. They're watching them just like slowly get eaten into our buddy. It's still still he's still a beer rep and it's still clutch going back home because anytime you're out with him he's like if you drink boulevard i can pay for all of it just like okay

great that because he's like all all i'm doing is out here getting people to drink it it's great that's dope sam it is time for your first pick my first pick i don't i'm gonna go with the price of it when i was eating it when i was broke and this is the classic uh 99 cent junior bacon cheeseburger oh the junior bacon cheeseburger yeah. JBC. I would get three. So it'd be $3 for three JBCs. And that would make me the happiest boy in the whole world. Three JBCs. Where is that from? Is that Wendy's?

Wendy's. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. The fiery redhead. The fiery redhead. The fiery redhead herself. I didn't know that baked potato restaurants sold cheeseburgers.

That's interesting. Good for them. I do. What a a wild can we talk about the baked potato at Wendy's and like what a crazy move it is that it's a fast food it's a thing that takes the longest to cook that's how you know that guy was a creep square hamburgers and baked potatoes

that was my parents would do the, would do the Atkins diet and my dad would just get chili and a baked potato from Wendy's and just dump it on top. And that was like his go-to meal. Real health nut over here, Sam. Learn something from dad.

This is how you do it. Your dad's a surgeon. Surgeons always do crazy shit. They're always the ones out smoking and shit. Yeah, 100%. That's because they live their life on the edge of a scalpel. I know. Well, if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room.

Classic. Goddamn right. You're going to pay for the whole seat, but you're only going to need the edge of it. I love it when somebody combines their fast foods like that. That's a fun move. Is a baked potato Atkins-friendly? Isn't it a carb bomb? A carb careful. An Irish carb

bomb? A carb bomb? An Irish carb bomb? Are there carbs in potatoes? Yes, for sure. They might not be complex. Yes. Oh, all right. Well, my dad not only was a doctor, but an ill-informed one

oh that's the doctor you're not looking for an ill-informed i can take an ill-informed bus driver we'll get there but i don't give a fuck if my surgeon knows his way around a potato you know what i mean just like right i could seriously i could care less if they could even do math i just want them to know where the acl goes My dad's just telling his patients, like, this Atkins stuff's great. You got to try it. I'm eating potatoes out to once. I'm up to six, seven potatoes a day. He's like, I got to go see my side piece.

And he goes through it when he's trying through. The June baked cheese. Let me get a junior bacon cheeseburger. A junior bacon cheese. That was tenacious, D. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Fast food is essential

in this draft. The fast food bargain is a massive... Hold on. Keep going. His cat's on the Atkins diet and just found out you're not allowed to eat potatoes. I love him, but he is a thousand years old now. My cat is chomping at it. Oh, I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is like dad to a fucking Instagram. He was always meant for this life with all of his Midwestern sayings and mannerisms and all. You know what I mean? Saying holy buckets. He was like a- Sounds back, everybody.

Sounds back, sounds back, sounds back. He was a third, I'll still talk. I'll keep talking about it. He was like a 32-year-old blackout drunk saying holy buckets. And so too were we all blackout drunks at 32, by the way. What, this is 10 years ago? We're talking about how well you've aged into being a father. Well, Shane was making a negative,

but I've decided to put a positive. Yeah, that's fair. I appreciate it. He called you a thousand years old and ancient, and I just said, you were meant for this. You were always meant for this life. My freaking cat's freaking out. Well, she has been meowing.

Thank you, by the way. She's been meowing since we started. She's doing that deep, that gut meow, you know, that woo-wow, that one? Oh, yeah. So I just wanted to make sure, because Laura's gone. She finished. I was eating two Sloppy Joes, and she's vacuuming the whole house. I was just sitting there. She's

vacuuming around me and I'm like, check it out. I got some new hot sauce in the mail and she's moving the big ottoman. It's like, well, I gotta go to work. I gotta feel the funny tank. You ever get mad that she's doing chores while you're sitting there trying to chill chores while you're sitting there trying to chill so I do I'm pretty good

while you're sitting there trying to chill I know what you mean because whenever someone's like if I even when I lived with you or like if you or Zach were doing something if you were doing something let's be honest I'm kidding I love you Zach but if somebody was cleaning I always felt compelled to get up and do it just

because I mean I still do I wasn't cleaning neither Zach nor I were cleaning I was felt compelled to get up and do it just because. I mean, I still do. I wasn't cleaning. Neither Zach nor I were cleaning. I was just trying to make a joke. But like, yes, it doesn't matter if it's my wife or anybody. I feel compelled like I got to get up. That's why I don't like it when people are standing when I'm trying to chill. I'm just like, we just sit. You're freaking me out. Like, sit down. Sorry. Sit down. I get it. I get it. Blacked out. Inside this Wendy's, eat your three junior bacon cheeseburger there's a busyness to it that's really upsetting

well yeah and you know the crib isn't like it's like kind of the one central room where all the like it's easy to start

working and cleaning because it's all the kitchen is kind of the living room kind of like Ian you got the same sort of situation and you're like

man if those dishes are clanging and banging and also I'm only watching skate videos so it clanging and banging... And also, I'm only watching skate videos, so it looks like I'm doing jack shit. I'm not even watching CNN. I could be watching John Oliver and she'd be like, oh, well, that's all right. But I'm just watching old skate videos.

For your John Oliver pack. So it's hard to be like... I'm just watching skate videos while my wife, mom... There's a contest going on in Australia right now, and it's only live once. I can watch it later, but it's only live once. Can you imagine John Oliver doing an expose episode of Last Week Tonight on skate videos? And the deadbeat shitbags that watch him while their wife mows the lawn?

Now you know you're a deadbeat shitbag if your wife is mows the lawn. Now you know you're a deadbeat shitbag if your wife is mowing the lawn. Today, we're talking about this Midwestern piece of trash. No, not that one. Not Paul Ryan. Sean Jordan. Man, someone's going to get it. I'm calling someone a deadbeat shitbag for real

in the next, like, week. I can't wait to love that dude probably from behind a rolled up car window I imagine it's probably gonna be a rich person I have a family and just speeds through a light man every time I get going in the car

Max will be like what happened and I'm like sorry everyone's bad at driving I'm sorry she just calls me on it all the time even if I speed up she'll be like what happened I'm like nothing sorry sorry sorry sorry everyone's bad at this that's so funny

it's also such an innocent she's not like why are you freaking out she's like what happened I have to stop swearing and raising my voice so now I'll just be like if you just would if you just would go I'll say that in the car and she can just tell the tone she doesn't like the tone anyway it's not what we're talking about if you go junior bacon cheeseburgers clutch because it also feels like a little treat it's not just a regular cheeseburger it's got the bacon on there too it's like oh

something special for you well it's got a pickle on there to get the veggies you know too. It's like, ooh, something special for me. Well, it's got a pickle on there to get the veggies. You know. No, I'm with you. I'm with you. Yeah. No, I'm not. No, I'm not yet. And you can call it so many different things. Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, Junior Bacon Chi, JBC. Yeah.

You know what a fun little thing to do? Okay. Let's play again. I call it a book. JBC. What does it stand for if it's not Junior Bacon Cheeseburger? First thing that comes to your head. Jewish Book Colorado. Jewish Book Colorado? I don't know.

Is that like the green book for Jews? You gotta read this book or you won't be safe. These are breweries that have fried pickles. I think it stands for Jumping butt crisis dude It's the diarrhea you get Jumping butt crisis

If you have too many junior bacon cheese Junior bacon cheese you get the jumping butt crisis Mine is Jesus buddy come on Oh yeah That's what John's gonna have to start saying in the car God damn it That's what you say in front of Max cheese and rice bud

move your fucking car sorry man just say it real nice buddy would you move your fucking car huh move your cunt Honda JBC what happened nothing Max Move your cunt Honda JBC.

What happened? Nothing, Max. Nothing. Everybody's bad at this. Nothing, Angel. For me, it's jalapeno butter crunch. It's a new ice cream flavor being put out by Salt and Straw. It's awful. Nobody likes it.

I couldn't buy that quicker. I'd give it a shot. You would eat a jalapeno butter crunch? Well, jalapenos are vegetables, right? Get off me. Isn't butter kind of a vegetable? Where's butter come from? It's gotta be. It's not meat. It's not meat. It's gotta be a vegetable. Or a fruit. Are you telling me butter's a fruit? I don't think so. There's no way. There's no way.

We have butter in our fridge right now that says veggie on it I swear to god we do grass fed vegetable check me it's a circle I've seen the Lion King it's a circle fuck butter's not a vegetable

I don't think the butter in your fridge does say vegetable on it. It might say olive on it. Olive's a vegetable, isn't it? Yeah. Kind of. A fruit. Bugs are technically meat.

What'd you say? Bugs are meat? Yeah. You know one of my favorite things to do with a June baked cheese is that little bacon that's hanging out the side. I nibble that off first and then I take the big bite. That's a little chef's treat right there. Little man in the boat. That's how you do it. Yeah.

When you're eating a burger, do you make the... Is that a cunnilingus reference, Santoris? The blue-eyed Mexican of December 10th. Shane, it's going to be... If you comment ooh me please on

blue-eyed Mexican, Shane, you're entered into a drawing where 10 lucky winners will have Shane go down on them. Ooh me please. The bloodshot blue-eyed Mexican. We'll get in there. Shane Torres, it is time for your first pick Now, if we were drafting comedy specials

I think the first pick would probably be the blue-eyed Mexican available on your YouTube channel But we're not We're drafting instead Maybe we could do it for your next one Comedy specials, piss off all our friends That probably would make some enemies out of it. This is kind of a...

I know you're not going to believe this. This is kind of a weird pick. Get your finger out of my face. So I drafted... This is something I used to do when I worked in restaurants, when I waited tables. I would call in to-go orders from my cell phone and then never come pick it up

so I would have free lunch because no one would at your own restaurant? yeah genius yeah that's really smart an order would come in and be like oh we can actually use the chicken figures from the to-go order no one picked up and I'd be like

and they'd be like yeah I used to do that a lot would you do a fake voice oh yeah you have a pretty recognizable voice hit us with your fake voice that you would call an organ with it's been so long hello welcome to Jerry Jones

welcome to where Jerry Jones hot off the grill 40 yard steakhouse dash. Yeah, I'd like to place an order for two. That's you. That feels problematic. I don't know.

My Bobcat Goldquake. How many wings are in an order? I don't know. I don't work here. We just need a name for the order. St. Taurus. And I just hang up. All right.

Welcome to Michael Irvin's milkshake cafeteria. Can I take your order? Yeah. I think I'd like a few double cheeseburgers to go. A few? What is it now, sir? How many is it for you? Oh, that's two.

You must not be prepared. This isn't cheers. We need numbers. Two double cheeseburgers to go. Great. Order of frings. That's fries and onion rings. Mix them all together in one basket, please.

Absolutely. An order of frings. And I'd like the number 88 shake. Not Michael's, just the dairy-based vegetable. Just the DBV, right? Yeah. And we put that under the name Jay Novacek. Mr. Novacek, you know you're not allowed to eat here anymore.

That's between you and me, buddy. Don't tell my wife. My freaking cat's going crazy. She is going crazy again. Hi, this is Blaine Flores. I'd like all the chicken wings you got. Be generous with the ranch. Generous means generous. It doesn't mean stingy, Steven.

You're a psycho. It's a textured rich world you've built here where you even know that Steven works at this place. Candice had to cheat on me with someone. What was your go-to?

You didn't draft the food. Really, since there was no limit to what I could have as long as it was on the restaurant's menu, I would really mix it up quite a bit. So what is that? You're like Topolaya's government? What are you drafting here?

I would do this. I never actually did a Topolaya. I would do that when I was... This is starting to feel like a real sampler platter of a draft. Yes, it is indeed. Your draft pick is getting food for free

from the restaurant you worked at. That's what you ate when you were broke. That's your pick, right? Is that what you're saying? You're drafting ill-gotten treats? I think so. So you're not actually taking a food, which I mean, I get it. I had it written down, stealing from your job's food.

So you shouldn't get to pick a food then, if Ian's going to let this ride. Absolutely not will I let this ride. I mean, you need to have an item picked here. You need to have a definitive... I can't do this? This is not a go? You can do it. You can set up this context,

but I need to know... You just have to say what you're taking in this situation. What I am saying is, since I was never paying for anything at the restaurant when I was doing this scam at Good Eats Grill in Fort Worth, Texas, really, I would get whatever. I mean, it was probably chicken fingers most of the time or something because there was a point where I'd be like, well, chicken's not as expensive as steak. Chicken fingers are the go-to, and that's what people let go the easiest, and they throw out the most of those. I would just kind of be like this, this, because you also would have to randomize it a bit

because I didn't want them to catch on. You got to work the grift. Yeah. You don't want to like the restaurant to identify the twice baked potato bandit. Once a day and twice on Sundays, we're fucking up 19 chicken fingers

and I don't I may regret doing this because things have been going great for him and he's probably in a good mood but I'm going to hand the judgment over to super producer Isaac Lee whether or not this is an acceptable pick for you to make Zeke I think it's acceptable but Shane you do

have to pinpoint a specific item chicken fried steak was a thing I would get a lot. Chicken fried steak rules. How'd you get that all the way up to the top of your ivory tower, my friend? Chicken fried steak.

At this restaurant, their chicken fried steak was called the LBJ. The large, bodacious, and juicy. Dude, that's awesome. That's really cool. Large Bodacious and Juicy. Yeah. So just comment Large Bodacious and Juicy

on Shane Torres' The Blue-Eyed Mexican and you'll be entered into a contest to have Shane go down on you. That's actually not a bad idea for the next special. To get gone down on. LaFell Crawford proportions. Yeah. The old 96er. You think we could take down the old 96er

between the four of us? No. I can't believe none of us did the JBC with Juicy and Bodacish. Yeah. When I hear you did it. Tell me about that sawmill gravy on the LBJ, Shane. It was like

what I remember most about the kitchen sat there this guy solomon who would uh like he'd always come in from playing soccer in the mornings he was like an older guy but he would play soccer and like all those guys were two day jobs like one night they worked a lunch shift and then night shift at another restaurant and He would always make the gravy, put it in the pot, and then just look at you and be like, ugh. He was funny. He was a hilarious guy. He was a mean, old,

very, very not okay Mexican dude with how he talked to people. Unfortunately, that all translates to funny, though. Also, I saw him throw somebody's pants on the grill once when he didn't like them. They were changing, and he just stole their pants.

Yeah, it just adds up to a really funny dude. That guy sounds like a riot. Is he available for the podcast? Yeah, probably. Yeah, I'll have to translate that. Sean Jordan, it's time for your first and your second picks.

You'd have to translate it? Do you speak Spanish? Si, si, si. No, you don't. Ojos Azul Mexicano. Ah! You've probably said it wrong, but I'm no authority. Yeah, that's for

fucking sure. The El Monte Microwave Burritos. Probably said it wrong, but I'm no authority. Yeah, that's for fucking sure. The El Monte microwave burritos. Ah, yes, indeed. Yeah, okay. That's off my list. They had to. I mean, those.

Yeah, so to speak to this is what I still eat the most off this list. But if you get three of those, I used to play. What's the football drill where one would hop over? It's like a three-man weave, but you're laying on the ground and you hop over each other. What is that called? I don't know the name, but I do know what you're talking about. Something that would really hurt my back now is what it's called. Oh my God. I had boxing class today and he made

me do these medicine ball burpees. Dog, I've never felt more. Now 39. I've never felt more by the time this comes out, 39 years old. It sucked. I've never felt more, by the time this comes out, 39 years old. It sucked. I would do that football drill with the burritos. So I'd put them in for like 45 seconds. I'd put the middle one on the right

and then put the right one in the middle. 45 more seconds. Middle would go to the left, left in the middle. And then I would bore a hole. All of this could have been easily fixed with the use of an oven. The microwave burritos in the oven?

They can go in the oven on one tray. I could put a notebook in the oven. Anything can go in the oven. I'm just saying this is crazy. They're microwave burritos. Okay, well, you're doing like Subway Monty with three red cups to your burritos. Subway.

There we go, the Subway. And then I pour the holes with the fork, and then I put a little cheese, a little shredded cheese in the holes, and then cook a little more, and it was just the illest. That's good. Wow.

You were adding your own shredded cheese to the Ritos? Yeah. So I'd bore three holes in each, fill it up with cheese, put it in for like another 45, and it was great. That's how you got your James Beard award, right? Yeah.

You deserve it for that, I'll tell you. Another one of those awards, I don't even know what it is but they just keep giving them to me I love that you probably said I cooked that's what you think you did I do it I hold it up like a kid too

I cooked Laura you want dinner I was eating so many of these micro ridos that I got to the point where I was even a little bit excited if one of them was still frozen on the inside. Yeah.

Just a little different. We'll change it. I was just like, Oh, okay. This is kind of like a menthol spicy beef burrito. You chew it. You're like,

fuck it. I got like 50 in the freezer. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to eat them again. This is the fourth one on this round of burritos. Yeah. It's I'm not going to,

I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. At this point, boiler room was on cable. So I'm like, well, boy, I'm not going to miss this part. So I'm just going to watch boiler room and eat the of burritos. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. At this point, Boiler Room was on cable, so I'm like, I'm not going to miss this part, so I'm just going to watch Boiler Room and eat the frozen burrito, and then I'll have more later when I watch Boiler Room on DVD. Don't pretend like you gave a fuck that Boiler Room was on cable. I know you had it on DVD.

I did. You know what is wild about those burritos? When you shit them out, it's just like somebody turned the burrito inside out, and the tortilla was now on the inside. you shit them out, it's just like somebody turned the burrito inside out and the tortilla was now on the inside. Tortilla on the inside is the name of your next special, right?

Oh, you're like a hard shell outside. Soft flour inside. No, he seems tough, but he's a soft taco on the inside. Yeah. If you comment soft taco, Shane, you will be entered into a drawing.

If you comment soft taco, you'll see Sean's husband's bowl. Yeah, you will if I read it right. I read it after midnight. I'll get a boner. That's when you save all your reading for, right? Yeah, I don't want to start on fire I have a little window working so yeah

we've discussed those but I mean what's your favorite mini flavor mini burrito flavor draft I like the hot the red ones the hot spicy ones that'll really rip you up it's like such a bummer because you know like a lot of stuff I know what it's going to do

you know but it's just like I don't care I've had the scoots I'll have them again stop on the block for your boy I can handle it they're just so good going in I have too much apple in my mouth to talk we'll keep going Ian's breaking the code and eating an apple

while we talk about this nonsense since microwave burritos are off the table Ian and I used to get those DeBom burritos were like the fancy one they weren't fancy they were just bigger they were like $3.99 they were $3.99 I could link up a bunch of El Montes

and make one DeBom I could Voltron some El Montes we would get those things and just the next morning it was a mad dash. It never hurt my stomach though because at that point it was like throwing an apple

core into like, you know what I mean? A Superfund site in New Jersey. It's like, well, you're not going to make it grosser. There was nothing good in my body for Da Bomb to ruin. Let alone the other foods that I think are probably going to come up that we were getting from my pantry at that point. You just do that.

Yeah, then we would have to go to the space room and get purple-headed aliens and voodoo donuts. I was at the space room the other day. They do a show again. I was there. It was funny. We walked in. I was like the space room the other day. They do a show again. I was there. It was funny. We walked in. I was like, man, Ian spent $400 right here.

After you won that contest, you just went to the space room and you're like, I'm going to spend it all right here. Yeah. The one memory I have of that place besides that is there was a Bridgetown meeting and Richard Bain was in there with us. And then an hour into the meeting, Richard goes, oh, it's like space.

That guy. It was great. Sam, you did New Faces with him, right? I did do New Faces with Richard. Yeah, we both bombed equally bad. It was very funny. And then the last I saw of him that night, he said he, a French-Canadian guy yelled at him

because richard was really drunk and he just grabbed his skateboard and rode it down the block and then rode it back and the guy was like in his face like well they're not italians and the french are to be pissed at us. And I imagine Mexican people. No, I'll talk to everyone. Not in Spanish, but you will talk to them. Si. El monte, old man. Enjoy them.

Sean, your second pick? Can of whore milk chili. That was always... Dumping a bowl. Sean, your second pick? Can of Hormel chili. That was always a... Dump in a bowl. Again, it's going in the microwave. But I still love it. I think it's so good. It's just a sodium bomb.

I mean, all it is. A can of Hormel looks so much like wet dog food to me. Dude, you can see the ridges. Sometimes I dump it out like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood style. It would just come out like wet dog food to me. You can see the ridges. Dude, you can see the ridges. I sometimes dump it out like, like, uh, once upon a time in Hollywood style, like it would just come out like the dog food and it would sit up like

cranberry at Thanksgiving. And you got to mash it down with the spoon. So you just mentally can be like, of course it's not dog food. Why would they put dog food in a whore milk can? Why would they, why would they even do that? So you just mash it down and you're like,

it's chili, it's chili. Why would they put the expensive dog food in a can they can sell for much less money? How are you dressing it up? What are you putting in your whore milk? Bag of Fritos. Shredded cheese is going to be a popular player on my team. So shredded cheese goes on there.

So you're making Frito pie now. This isn't chili anymore. Well, it depends on how many Fritos. I don't think it ever was chili. It was whatever it is. You're ruining the integrity of the dish. It could be nothing. It could just be that and a bunch of hot sauce, hot sauce.

Another big player. My Sean's horse meat stew. I loved it. I mean, sometimes I'd go nuts kind of like you were saying to switch it up. I'd get with no beans. So it's basically chili dip, but I just eat it with a spoon like a psycho.

This is like one of the big ones in Glendale was a can with no beans. So it's basically chili dip, but I just eat it with a spoon. Like a psycho. I did this in Glendale. This is like one of the big ones in Glendale, was a can of chili. Because it was just so quick too. I don't know. If it takes the shape of the container it's in. It does.

There is something really off. Sometimes you get a can where you're like, you are going to hate water. I want to bring it back and be like, who? You are going to hate water. I want to bring it back and be like, who? You get one of those cans and just bring it back into customer service like,

who was president when this can hit the shelf? Because it did not move in the microwave. It says issued army product on it. Up until fairly recently, this was a regular staple in your backpack. Yeah, that was a whole thing, man.

Like back in backpack days. You remember that? I do. Well, because there were so many times I'd crash at your guys' house or just, when you ride the bus, and David and I, we talked about this a bunch, but like when, especially because like

I lived on the skirts a little bit. So I just left home with like clothes. I'd have chargers. I'd have headphones. I'd have different kinds of food. Like there'd always be a can of something. Cause sometimes you guys, yeah,

I would just be at your house. Like, well, I'm going to make a can of this and I'll just wash the, do you remember that time? I don't air him out. Phil, he don't listen, but, and he's a sweetheart. We're at the that time I don't air him out Phil he don't listen but and he's a sweetheart we're at the crib and I

don't think you were there Ian but we Shane and I in the living room Phil Collins because Phil Collins does listen Phil Collins which Phil Phil Schallberger

oh okay and he's going through the cupboards and Shane's like what are you doing he goes I was looking for bread and Shane goes why he goes well I was going to make some toast and

Shane goes buddy you can have some toast but you got to ask first andil goes well i just wanted to see if you had bread before i even asked you remember that yeah i do remember that it was so endearing and it is also a hundred percent like how he is as a like in a non-negative way he just looks at the world in reverse almost that's like why he's so funny. But yeah. I think it was something along those lines. I was looking for something to eat and I was like, well, people ask. He goes, well, I wanted to see if you had anything I wanted to eat before I asked.

What a gangster thing to say. Turns out beggars absolutely can be choosers. Well, they can choose if they want to beg. You know, that's his whole thing. Yeah, sometimes you're not dying to beg beg I get it but yeah I used to roll around with cans also it's a weapon if you need it

yeah you would leave the house like a teenager running away from home every time you left I pulled it out and somebody didn't believe me and I had it at healing one time and I had somebody bring me my backpack and I had like four cans of stew in there just had them anyway

now I have a house. Shane, time for your second pick. It's my second pick already. It is. Okay. For my second pick, this also goes to the restaurant. Scamming

other people's food. If somebody ordered a chicken fingers, it was supposed to come with five. I'll tell you this, it always came with four when I was that broke. Really? Oh, I would... Now, it sounded to me like you just picked chicken fingers again.

That's what it sounded like. You took chicken fried steak the first time. Oh, that's right. These are scam-based wins. Chicken fried steak and then chicken fingers. That's ballsy. That is ballsy. That is ballsy.

Well, I'm starting out walking around with a chili in my backpack kind of money. Let me just get it. Give me a yes or no here. We don't need details. Was there anything that happened in the kitchen at this restaurant that would bum people out that were eating the food? I think they just drafted one. Yeah. And this is when you were a server?

Or were you cooking it? Oh, man. So you just, on your way out, you'd just be finishing up chewing? I'd be up waiting for the expert. Actually, yeah. That shit would be so funny. Oh, no, this is gum. This is chicken gum.

This is different. Yeah, so stealing other people's food. There had to be people that called you on it. What did you say? I was pretty slick. Yeah, with those blue eyes? Of course you were. Well, I would lie.

I'd be like, oh, man, a chicken finger fell on the floor. I threw it in the trash. Like, I'll get you another one. Like, I would do shit like that. I would lie. I'd be like, oh man, a chicken finger fell on the floor. I threw it in the trash. Like, I'll get you another one. Like, I would do shit like that. I would like... Were you dry swallowing these chicken fingers or did you have like a little like... Very utilitarian, not enjoying them.

Did you have a clandestine sauce off to the side? I put... It was probably dry swallowing. I was doing disgusting things that were not up to health, though. I will say that. You were going like elbow deep in the honey mustard trough? There's like a rail of salad dressings that you would ladle

into a ramekin. You were doing rails of salad dressings? Your chicken tender was like Achilles. You would just dip it all the way in the honey mustard and the only part would be the two fingerprints. The only chicken weakness. It's fucking crazy that you found a literary reference.

That's wild. No, it'd be crazy that you found a literary reference. That's wild. No, it'd be crazy if you did a kickflip, my friend. It's not crazy that I found a literary reference. If you could do a kickflip, I'm pretty sure I can do it. Oh, buddy, I would love

when you're broke, you can. Why don't you draft that eating your own word Sean fuck I'll bet you I will bet you a thousand dollars you couldn't do a kickflip in a week I was just gonna say I smell a good contest a week

a week a month I really think you're gonna hurt yourself and I'm not what'd you say I think he's gonna hurt himself A month? Don't. I really think you're going to hurt yourself. And I'm not. It'll be fine. What'd you say? I think he's going to hurt himself.

Give me a month. Give me a month. There's no way, Shane. No. We don't have to bet money. We can bet something else. But give me a month. I bet I can do it. If you can do it, I can do it.

All right. If you do it, you blow me. And if you don't do it, then you have to blow some dude from your boxing gym. That's hilarious. Really funny stuff. Isaac, cut the whole thing out. No, leave it.

I couldn't even get it out of my mouth. Here's the bet. We'll do it in January. What's happening in January? Everybody who wanted to try stand-up is going to try it. You wanted to wait for the ice? This isn't getting better.

Shane, this is a terrible idea, man. That's not the kind of athletic that you are. If Sean can do it, I can do it. You know how I know it's a bad idea? That is not true. All of your friends aren't making fun of you anymore. We're all like, hey, really think about this.

The tone has shifted. What did you pick? Did you pick a food? Was it chicken fingers? Single stolen chicken finger. A single stolen chicken finger. Yeah. I can do it a month. Yeah. It's your pick, Sam. Alright.

That is my pick. You guys heard it. No. It's your pick, Sam. All right. Yeah, it is my pick. You guys heard it. Blue-eyed Mexican, December 10th. Let's start from... How's that? Shane's final special, as it turns out. You have to start from somewhere, right? Before I join the X Games.

When you want to... When you have a goal, you start... If you want to do 100 sit-ups, you start with whatever you can do and then you build a program around that, right? So find a skateboard, film yourself trying a kickflip five times, and then let me see the video

and then we'll gauge how long and let's get you kickflipping. It's going to be a while. We'll see. I'm excited. RIP to your ankles. My second pick is cereal. I'm taking cereal as a blanket if i'm going specifics

coco krispies is my jam oh really a brand true sting that's my all-time over uh coco pebbles coco krispies better in my opinion see i like a bigger cereal um i like a pebble grape nuts god grape nut i know. You like them too? No, but I was going to say on the cereal draft, I got to tell you, Ian, I was really upset when you were like grape nuts. I think it's just the worst cereal ever. I'm Hollywood's

last bad boy, dude. I don't know what to tell you. You and Stephen Dorff just at the fucking chateau eating grape nuts by the pool. I'm doing lines of grape nuts in the rainbow room dude at fucking 1pm you and Dio say that on mic Isaac

Isaac I stand with Ian. Grape nuts are great no if they were great they'd be called Cocoa Puffs or Fruity Pebbles there are thousands of us there are thousands of us okay we're everywhere we're There are thousands of us. There are thousands of us. Okay?

We're everywhere. I thought we're doctors. We're politicians. All right? We're big-time Hollywood power players. We're super producers. Are they a Kellogg situation? What are Grape Nuts? They're not a vegetable. They're not really a fruit, so they're kind of like cheese to you.

Anything that's not steak is a vegetable to me. Yicky. Yicky, yicky. Gross and picky. Are they a post situation? I don't know. They're post. That's fucking post for sure. I bet you they're fucking...

The person that works for Grape Nuts has their cubicle in the boiler room or whatever cereal conglomerate they're under. The person who invented Grape Nuts doesn't comeicle in the boiler room or whatever cereal conglomerate they're under. What are you talking? The person who invented Grape Nuts doesn't come into work anymore because they're a billionaire, dude. Charles Grape Nuts? That's crazy. How'd they make their money? Grape Nuts. He's going to stand

propane on a boat with Drake and the two of them are eating a... It sat there just long enough, so it's a little bit soggy. Well, I just Googled Grape Nuts. And just so you guys know, there is www.grapenuts.com. Oh, that's the wrong site, baby. Is it available, or

what? Yeah. This is how old Grape Nuts is, developed by C.W. Post, the Post in Post Foods. Goddamn right. So they're a Post situation. Goddamn right. Yeah, this guy was a psycho. C.W. Post right yeah this guy was a psycho CW post yeah he was a visionary

grape nuts were temporarily discontinued in 2021 before they were turning trust me this household felt that because my wife big grape nuts fan so I was looking for grape nuts for a while where there were no grape nuts I can say inequivocally and I don't know how you do I don't think this is controversial

please let me continue because i'm gonna say something i that i i don't think is controversial and i can say inequivocally the grape nut shortage the worst part of covid yeah yeah and you know many people have said that many people have said that the worst part was when they finally took down Cosby. That's bad. Isaac, cut that out and just put it out for everyone. I don't want Isaac to release just that as an episode this week. Yeah.

It's a blue-eyed Mexican December 10th. And the reason he's blue is because he believes Cosby is innocent. He does. Oh, God. I don't. I don't. He's sad. He's sad about it. So when you were broke,

you were getting the, you were still going brand name. I like that. Well, I also want to throw in this backstory. This was a move that I did not all the time, but more than a couple times. I lived next to a Starbucks. I would go when it was fairly busy.

I would say, hey, my cup is actually leaky. Could I just get an extra cup? And they'd be like, sure. And then you just fucking go and steal some milk from the table. So I would just only be spending money on the cereal. There we go. Now, there it is. That's smart.

Baller on a budget, Sam Evans. That's right. That was my move. My cup's leaky. Yeah. Well, if it's busy, you can almost ask for any, like, disposable thing. It's a Starbucks counter, and they'll give it to you. You could probably say, hey, I'm going to steal some of the milk. Can I have another cup?

And they'd be like, yeah, sure, whatever. Yeah, I don't care. My name isn't Starbucks, so you can do whatever. I had a similar scheme that's going to come up later in the draft. I bet I have. I got you. I know. You better draft this game like that. That was kind of the fun of this draft, I thought.

Not only the picks, but seeing people's crafty moves, you know? Schemes. Stealing. Cocoa Puffs. Cocoa Krispies. What's the difference between a Cocoa Krispie and a Cocoa Peies. What's the difference between a cocoa crispy and a cocoa pebble?

It's almost exactly similar. A crispy is rice crispy. And a cocoa pebble is a pebble. It's both rice cereal, but I think a pebble is slightly thinner and larger. Well, yeah, the pebbles are like flat. Cocoa puffs are the balls, and the crispies are the rice grains.

It's rice crispies, but with chocolate. Chocolate rice crispy. Crispies are the rice grains. It's Rice Krispies, but with chocolate. It's just chocolate. Chocolate Rice Krispie. Krispies are like the Dominicans and Devils are like the Puerto Ricans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one of those New York comedian jokes. That doesn't play out here on the West Coast, baby. Yeah, you got to get down to the cellar where it's real.

They give you both barrels. What would it be in the west coast? Pebbles are the Georgians and Cocoa Krispies are the Albanians? Armenians, probably Armenians and Persians, I guess would be. I feel like we're on

dangerous ground right now. I'm sorry. I haven't said a thing. I'm sorry. I'm not. I don't really understand. So Sean just said that Armenian-Persian thing, which was crazy of him. And he also said the Puerto Rican-Dominican. So what is the crux of that joke?

Is that Puerto Rican and Dominicans? People just think they're the same people. But they're not. Oh, but that they're not. Then this is also true of the Armenians and the Persians in Los Angeles as well. Two distinct and beautiful cultures. Distinctly different things that are often mistaken for each other.

And that's that. And we're fine. And we're fine, everybody. Go steal some milk. Sean? It's me? No, just care to comment. It's my pick.

I'm just like, do you care to comment? No, I don't. You guys are all great. This is fun. Time for my second and third picks. Time for my second and third picks. Big ol' thing, a land of frost turkey. What is that?

Is that like a... It's a brand. Yeah. Wait, say it again big ol thing you could put the words Carl Buttig in here if that means more to you it does, the Buttig, I had it on mine those little meat packets

Buttig has the little you know what I mean like what cocaine comes in when you're going out for a night kind of those little ones. Well, the buttocks don't even have a zipper. You just take the top and it's just open. It's a rip and dip. Yeah.

I'm talking though. I'm talking. I used to go to Winco. We used to go grocery shopping at Winco. Totally. And you could spend, you know, you'd spend $100, but you would get an insane amount of food. Like an insane, where you're like, this is, it's like a Mormon softball league amount of food. Like an insane, where you're like this is, it's like a... Mormon softball

league. Amount of food. You know what I mean? Just like insane for $100. And you would like bring that home. Isaac, cut that out. Isaac, make it sound like Sean said, Mormon softball league. I'll say that, right? I have no problem saying that. Mormon softball league. So if you could just put that right where, if you really could that'd be hilarious. Isaac problem saying that. Mormon Softball League. So if you could just put that right where if you really could, that'd be hilarious.

Isaac could do that. I know he could. It's the desire if he would want to or not. I can't see him wanting to do that. I can't either. Isaac? I'll do it. Oh, he's taking a dump. I'll do it. He's doing it. I was muted. I'll do it.

Why not? What are we all doing? And it would just be these massive they were like two packets that were connected down the middle. I would get these at Winco, which was like this massive budget grocery store. And now thinking back to that, the amount of sodium I

was consuming. Oh, bro. Shocking. Because I was making myself like Carnegie Deli level sandwiches pretty much every single day of my life. It was like a meat accordion. Big cartoon where the bread just looks small. Man, this is a big bread and it just looks tiny because it's so much meat.

Like bad mustard, thick mayonnaise, so much turkey. Man, I had one yesterday. I did that yesterday. I mean, sandwiches are the best yeah they are yeah yeah yeah they'll get you through anything it was uh but yet now like i'm so old i literally get uh no sodium added turkey breast at at whole foods and that's like the lunch meat i keep in

the fridge but uh yeah just those they got me through everything. Because they were like, it was like $3 for like four pounds of turkey. Yeah. Yeah, it was insane. It's also like, it's like, I mean, it looks very similar to what they would open up to feed a mess hall full of soldiers. Yeah, or like a Mormon softball league, like Sean said

earlier. Yeah, I remember that. The first time I ever went to a Winko's with you, and yeah, it was the first time I ever went to a winkos with you and uh yeah it was the first time i saw like the big buttocks i used to get the little ones and they were 69 cents you'd rip them open and i'd eat it like a protein bar i'd just get the whole packet of meat like on the way on the way to the bus and i just eat the fucking pack of meat if we're gonna talk with that might be getting into other picks but rolling up meats and eating oh yeah that's a good snack yeah dude i still did i mean in my mind because i'm like well the bread

i don't need the bread and it's not good for me so i'll just eat yeah laurel bust me do it sometimes i'll like i think she's asleep and i'll be in the fridge when you come out of our room it's the fridge is open it's lighting up the whole kitchen and I'm just like a monster in there I'll try to eat it I'll try to eat it before she comes around the door of the fridge I was looking for the carrots

I can't find them and my third pick in the interest of time is going to be going to 7- to seven 11. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And, and filling up either a slurpy cup or a big gold cup, whichever was cheaper with the nacho cheese. That's my boy. Yeah. And then, and then that can translate into chips.

Tons of tons of meals, a big gulp cup. Yeah. With the nacho cheese. You've got that right. Yeah. And then when you, when you buy it are you like i'd like to pay for this big gulp or were you like yes oh big gulp you don't tell them there's cheese and you just hold it it's hot and you can feel it so like hot cup like it really is a test of what's like pulling something out of the oven without a mitt

on yeah you see you find out a lot about yourself. Your hand does not shake. That's what Ian found out about himself. To this day, I have a Men in Black 3 insignia seared in to my palm. I can see it right now. From a promotional tie-in they were doing.

That one day with the longest U-line. Oh, that's sick. Wow. That's incredible. And then you would get a big bag of chips and then like everybody

could get on board you know what i mean everybody could dip in there like that's a party it's a party it's cheap and delicious you could i would chili already got taken but you could also do it with chili oftentimes you would do a mixture of the two and then you're out of there for cheap but by the way you're not really ripping them off because they don't have a way to buy 32 ounces of nacho cheese, for example. Right. And also none of it's expensive. Wow.

This is your dad coming out here. That feels that feels anti-Semitic, except no, not really. No, no, no. Because he's crafty. He texted me. Speaking of Ivan Carmel being crafty, he texted me a picture. It said, look who's coming back to PDX. And it's Chelsea Handler's poster

on her little big bitch to her. She's coming back to the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. And I was like, oh, because my dad loves Chelsea Handler. And also when I opened for her in Portland, the two of them got along great. I was like, oh, cool.

It's your girl. And he was like, yes, send her an email and see if she will comp me a pair. I love it. I'm saying it doesn't matter. I knew that was coming. Getting free shit's dope, though. It doesn't matter if you got the money.

It's always dank to get it for free. Oh, you want to be on the list. It's just Ivan. As soon as he said that, I was like, he's just going to be like, tell him to be on the list. It's just Ivan. As soon as he said that, I was like, he's just going to be like, tell him to give me tickets. It was... We did... What was the show we were doing? Sean, what was the place above Trigger, the old Mexican restaurant that the bunk guy started?

It was a venue, but Ivan came, and he was like, you guys let me in for free? And he already had a few drinks in them. Yeah, of course, Ivan. He goes, I he already had a few drinks in him. And we're like, yeah, of course. And he goes, I gotta give you a few bucks. Come on, kid. Is there another point? I've had people

ask me for tickets. And I've done this a couple times where I've just bought them. And I just didn't tell them. I've had it happen a couple times. I did it at Cobb's one time. Somebody was at Cobb's. And I was like, you've done a lot for me. I didn't feel like hitting this person up because I just don't want to come off that way sometimes. So I just bought

a couple tickets. I've done that a few times. I've been like, yeah, here's your tickets. So they don't care how they got them. Who was Andy Pitts going to see? It wasn't Andy. For Andy, well, I'd be delighted if somebody went to go see. If somebody was going to meet Andy, that'd be great. No, just like, you know,

it's happened. I've also bought people tickets to shows that I'm on because I don't want to ask for free tickets. I'll never do that. No way. I've done it a couple times. I mean, that's your money. I did it one time and I told Kyle, I did it one time with Kyle because I had, you know, somebody wanted like five tickets

and I just bought them because, you know, his shows sell out. He got so mad at me. He got so mad at me. He got so mad at me. And one of the only times he's ever been mad at me is like, buddy. You can't do that and tell Kyle. Well, I got a little tipsy and I just, I know.

Yeah, I don't know. Sam, time for your third pick. My third pick. So this is 2013. I am just moving to, or have moved to New York City. I work at the Chinatown YMCA. And for lunch every day, I would go to a place called C&L Dumplings in Chinatown. The deal at C&L Dumplings, five fried pork and chive dumplings for $1.25.

Oh my God. $1.25 a dumpling. That sounds great. How many would you get? I would... If I had the money, I would get two, but the nice thing was, yeah, if I was truly broke, I could fucking find quarters around the YMCA

and buy lunch. That's fucking... That's a good one that's a great deal that's the best food what was your job at the chinatown ymca i worked the front desk at the chinatown ymca it was a great a really good job to have if you had just moved to new york because it was like insane and intense but i worked with like all these young kids who were like native new yorkers and it was a very weird vibe where like i was older than them but they could tell i was like a midwestern idiot and they really took took me under their wing and they were like here's how you exist here you moron you know yeah i mean you have to have that yes what's the thing

about when you did the opening shift? Oh, I would... Okay, I don't want to... It's the Chinatown YMCA, and I would open it on the weekends. And at 5 a.m. on the weekends, the only people that are there to work out are very old Chinese people. Yeah. But the way it works is the entrance is street level, but uh check-in is actually basement so you go downstairs right away so i would have to go up unlock the door and it was a line of like 20 80 year old chinese people and i would hold the door for them because i didn't want to be rude

and then i would have to sprint run down the back of this line and just fucking burn rubber to beat 20 octogenarian chinese people and then check them in we're probably moving pretty good for 80 year olds if they're hitting the y at 5 a.m every day 100 very healthy yeah they were spry yeah that was a cnl dumpling house yeah i would have definitely overdosed on dumplings if i knew i had five of them for $1.25. Yeah, they were good. Someday you'd be tempted to throw down a 20 and be like, fuck me up.

Hurt me. Hurt me. Wheel me out of here. God damn. A quarter of a dumpling. Yeah. I made the mistake I checked the Yelp of it

one time there was a review somebody had gotten soup from there and there was just a full on it was a picture of a roach in the soup and the review was just do not eat here and this was how broke I was

I just went well that's why I don't get the soup. You know? I'm saying, okay, show me what restaurant in New York doesn't have the possibility of a roach getting into the soup. Of course, it could happen anywhere. 100%. Yeah. Suck it up.

Eat the roach. Everywhere. Fucking, you know what I mean? Free roach. All of a sudden, you're making money. A roach is a bit much, but if there was like a bug, and I've done it. I've pulled hair out of my shit. I've seen you

eat at Pepino's and see rats walk by on the patio, and you just feel like this is going to be so dank. I still go to Pepino's. It is dank as fuck. I love Pepino's. Shout out Pepino's. Yeah, there could be a rat in the kitchen. I guess you could get kind of sick off a rat, but if I

see other people eating, what do I care? They've been, they've had people eating there all day. I feel the same way. I'm weird. So I don't get grossed out by rats, pigeons, not really cockroaches either. Like really? Yeah. I don't know.

Just look, they move gross to me, but like, I don't know. I don't know, man. They scare me. Dog. I picked up the kitty litter the other day and a fucking spider the size of a hockey puck fell onto my arm. And I came inside. I came inside and I was like,

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Are you exaggerating? Or was this like a... Legs? It was like... You gotta put it in the camera. We get those house spiders now. We've had one.

Sean showed a shape that was slightly smaller, but not significantly smaller we're talking about to be upsetting the body wasn't a hockey but the whole thing and yeah I come inside I was like did you hear me in the garage she goes no and I was like cool because it sounded like somebody

I talked to it like somebody was eating lunch meat out of the garage fridge just digging through our own garbage I talked to it like somebody was in there with a sawed-off to my face. I was screaming at the spider, walk away from me! There was a spider so big

on the walkway to our front door the other night that we were, like, Dan was like, well, what do we do? And I was like, we use the back door. The spider's using the front door right now. First of all, it has higher ground, so it already has that advantage.

It's above us. It's already up the stairs, yeah. It's dark. Can you imagine trying to kill a spy? It was giant. And you try to kill that and then you lose it in the darkness? No, and I can't kill him anymore.

It's just something in me. I can't even kill ants anymore, if I can help it. So the other day, we had one in the crib inside and I saw it. I was in the kitchen and I stopped. I go, Laura, come on in. And I just, she had to do it. I couldn't touch it.

And then she put a cup over it, but it started moving. Oh, that's right. Max was in there. So the spider starts moving and I go, ah! And I had to like shoo it back into the middle of the living room. And I was like, Max, how funny is this? Because I don't want her to be scared of spiders, you know? But I was terrified.

Nuance to being a father, my friend. You've really flipped gender role expectations in your relationship and I think that's lovely. We talk about it all the time. All the time. Yeah, I'm just like the one bawling it. Like we'll watch a movie and I'll be bawling and she's sitting there like I mean, I get how it's emotional.

She's just sitting there with a knife. Giving herself a tattoo with a hot pencil. She's got her coveralls on pouring over the mortgage. You guys work out together and she's the one doing knuckle push-ups. Yep. That's fun.

Shane, time for your third pick. Let's have a bit of food this time and not an action okay fine if you have to food's loose I guess but I finished my apple

I'm going to say well I might actually fuck it day old bakery rack at the grocery store oh yeah for days dude store for days

for days and bread will fill you up and bread's just a conduit man I mean that was a life sense like you could take you could get a loaf of bread or cupcakes or whatever you're like I'm having a treat today and it's not or whatever you go you get a loaf of bread cupcakes or whatever

it's just so random that was kind of a treat because sometimes you'd find like a piece of bread or cupcakes or whatever. It's just so random. That was kind of a treat because sometimes you'd find like a piece of gold. It was like thrifting for a fat guy. Oh, yeah. Gainishes today, huh? Hey, Sal. I got a bunch of beer claws

for a dollar. Eating like a king all day. I hid a wedding cake behind those bagels for you. By the way, suppose one of those bagels was an everything bagel. Now, how did that sneak its way in there? For the same price you mean? Or was that like section of the bag

cost more than the rest? Now I'm here. Now let's just sort of... So now I was on the... I did the groundlings classes. I'll do a little space work while I'm doing this. Here I am. At the day-old bakery rack

rummaging through bagels. Plain bagels. Well, maybe I'll get those. let me see what else they have a sesame bagel but the same price what a boon basically i'm getting free sesames here let me count one two three four five six bagels one two three four five six bagels the same price you're just narrating what you're it It's more UCB style, actually. Oh, there's a third. There's a third bag of bagels. Let me grab everything. Bagels.

I'm not Nelson Rockefeller. There's no way I'll be able to afford these. Hey, hey, Darlene. Do you guys also offer bagel mortgages? Look at the price. It's the same price as the other bagels are you guys is Safeway going out of business tomorrow

what's happening here how does a mere popper like me able to afford an everything bagel everything it has everything on it and it's the same price as this the plain bagel, which offers me no flights of fancy

outside of the chewy, delicious texture of a bagel? Well... My mother did not raise a fool. I may have been born at night, but my friend, it wasn't last night. I will be taking these everything bagels. Yeah. I knew the bit could be funny.

There it is. And I can do a kickflip. Something about chew donuts in there, too, if I remember the bit right. Wait, what's a chew donut? Oh, a bagel. A bagel. That's hilarious. That part's a new donut? Oh, a bagel. That's hilarious.

That part's hilarious to you? Yeah, I like the racist stuff. Thank God you threw in some racism. It's always a treat. Like you said, it is sort of a pleasant surprise because you might go there and they would have white powder donuts for half off or whatever like it would be something fun

or like just like you're like oh fucking like wedding cookies or something you know like it's weird like shit that they just don't sell or like actually the best truly the best and wedding cookies from like an actual wedding that never happened where you're like oh sorry Dan and Christina

but day after day after Halloween you're like, sorry, Dan and Christina. Day after Halloween, you're going to get some great seasonal baked goods. Like you, day after Thanksgiving, you're getting like... Those frosted sugar cookies? Yeah. Loft House. Is that what they're called?

There's different brands of them. But like, yeah, every regional grocery store has those like almost cake like sugar cookies. Just when they're like, it's November 1st. It's not October anymore. And then there's just a million pumpkin shaped cookies everywhere. Yes. My wife baked, like you can, made like grocery store cookies.

I feel like there was like some insane ingredients she had to like buy special for it. But it was a home-baked something like that. A home-baked grocery store cookie. It's maybe the best thing I've ever tasted in my entire life. It's so good. It's dangerous. I had to eat one and then not be around

them. Otherwise, I would have eaten 15 cookies. Well, the frosting, dude. It's like that frosting makes my teeth feel like they have muscle cramps. It's just thick. Oh thick they do in there achy teeth yeah worth it worth it day old bakery rack sean jordan time for your third pick and then your fourth pick i would get those uh half jerky half cheese combos combos from Plaid. For days. I would put them together. I love them to this day.

I love them. The fakest cheese. You could snap it. So good. I will eat that if it's around. I don't think I've ever purchased one. Oh, man. Because they have them

up front at Plaid. I won't say other picks, but up front at Plaid, they always have these like hell, where they're like 18 cents. And you're like, man. I mean, now it feels like jerky's in play or maybe off the board or maybe it's not. But like, I couldn't stop myself from getting the Tillamook County Smoker

sticks. Didn't they call you when you were in the Bong Olympics one time and they called you the Tillamook County Smoker? Tillamook County Smoker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my boxing name already too. It's the Tillamook County Smoker. That's so funny.

You know a smoker is a slang for a boxing match. Yeah. No, I didn't know that. A smoker? It's like an unsanctioned fight. Yeah. I've heard uppercut before, but I've never heard smoker, so it's fun. I'm getting all this boxing.

Uppercut the brand of cheese and meat stick you were getting. It's a bunch of flavor to your face. It's when you get somebody on the bottom of their chin with your fist. It's called that's an uppercut. If you box a little longer, you'll figure it out. But yeah, those jerky cheese things. Icy dude. Ice ice water still love them to this yeah they're the fucking myth yeah never gonna never gonna not like them i will say though with those things when you get them and they're not

good like they're a bad quality it's really disappointing yeah like in a way of your you're like this is like 300 of my saturated fat for the week. And like 10 times the amount of sodium too. Yeah. I only started thinking about that in the last like year, which is terrifying. But now, yeah, I never thought about it before. So that's third pick and fourth pick. Well, before we get to your fourth pick, why don't we take another short break?

This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God,

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a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code ALLFANTASY at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care routines. Some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like you can't...

I got buddies, they can't skip leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that. Like those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And like, I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking.

I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time, get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself.

You just have to prioritize it. It happens. You can talk to someone, get a new set of ears on it, and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything. And if you're thinking of starting, go on and get better help a try. Give it a shot. It helps for learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things

that are extremely important. It's all online. It's convenient, flexible. They suit to your schedule. Go on and fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for zero additional charge. They got your back.

Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash AllFantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp H-E-L-P dot com slash AllFantasy. Hey there, AllFantasy listeners. We love you thank you for listening to our podcast uh where are we gonna be on the road i'll start oh yeah go for it yeah how about it

my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram. You can see me... When's this coming out? Okay. At the City Winery in New York City, January 4th. I will be at the City Winery in Philadelphia, January 5th. And I will be at the City Winery in Boston, Massachusetts on January

6th, celebrating the release of Shane Torres' special. Absolutely. That came out on December 10th. Available on the One America News, January 6th. And then I'll be in Portland, Oregon, March 23rd at Revolution Hall. Philly, Boston, New York City, Portland. Get your tickets. Available now.

Come see me. March 1st is Rev Hall? March 23rd. 23rd. March 23rd. 23rd. March 23rd. And in New York, if they're in town, you might see some special guests. Who knows? Right.

Yep. Oh, and pre-order my book. T-shirt swim club. A book about growing up fat, being fat, staying fat, fat and pop culture, getting a little bit less fat, and dealing with all of that written by me, a stand-up comedian and writer, and also my little sister who is also fat

and a clinical psychologist you can pre-order it now, pre-orders help a ton, so if you wouldn't mind if you're gonna buy it forward by the ghost of Ralphie May I do talk about that in there I do talk about that in there Forward by the ghost of Ralphie May. I do talk about that in there. I do talk about that in there.

But yeah, no forward. Just right into the fucking meat, baby. Yeah. And there's no appetizer. We're only doing on space. No sampler platters on this book. Those are my dates. Shane Torres.

You're here. Shane Torres on Twitter. Shane Torres on Instagram. Tick to TikTok. Yeah. Of course, the Blue Eyed Mexican, December 10th on YouTube on my channel and Burt Kreischer's. Also, you can catch me at, coming up in

January, you can catch me this week in New Orleans at the Nola Brewing Company. You can also catch me in Lake Charles, Louisiana and Houma, Louisiana. And then Portland, Oregon for New Year's Eve, the 29th through the 31st, I'll be there. And also I'll be in Atlanta

at the West End Comedy Festival at the end of January. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Sam Evans is here. Sam, where can people find you on social media and performing stand-up comedy? On social media, I am-up comedy on social media i am at really sam evans on everything r-e-a-l-l-y really sam evans uh if this is december and i

know it is um on december 15th i have a show called the extra special and this will be the extra holiday special it's a very fun show where we have a drinker on stage getting buck wild while people try to do stand-up. I play piano for it, a little backing music. It's really fun.

It's like my favorite show to do. And then on March 23rd, I will be at the gutter once again to record a album special. So check me out there. In Brooklyn, New York. The gutter. The gutter.

Sean Jordan. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Metal Jordan on Instagram. Where can people find your beautiful face and your wonderful jokes? Probably new jokes at this point because you will have recorded a special. I better be.

Yeah, so first thing, I don't have to. If you would please subscribe to my YouTube channel, Sean Jordan comedian, that is where the special will be coming out in January. Nobody's going to Shane, Shane Torres. Find it in your,

find it in your hearts just to go smash that subscribe button. Bro. People do that. Go do it. Uh, the special is going to come out there and then, um, January 18th through the 21st,

I'll be at the snow jam comedy festival in one Sioux Falls, South Dakota. That's where I'll there. And then January 18th through the 21st, I'll be at the Snow Jam Comedy Festival in one, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. That's where I'll be. And yeah, High Note Comedy, last Thursday of every month, Portland, Oregon. And yeah, that'll be excellent to each other. Sean is going to be doing a live in-person chat

with Lauren Boebert at the Snow Jam Comedy Festival. Wow! Wrong shit governor, but yeah,. That's a shit governor. But yeah, we have a different shit governor. I know. Yours is Christy Numb. Sure is. So they can both fucking take a Wong lock up a short gear.

A Wong lock? A Wong lock? That sounds horrible. Anyway, make sure you don't go see any of those shows that Sean's in or subscribe to his YouTube channel. And definitely don't subscribe to my YouTube channel while you're at it. Ian Carmel. Have a big YouTube party. Just do it.

Everybody listening. It's not hard. Do it. Please, please. It will help tremendously. Comedy has changed. I know it has, but it doesn't mean. Now we need people to follow us.

Yeah, but it's all good comedy, though. You're getting good stuff. So I'm dead serious. Like, I'm putting a lot into this. I freaked out all day yesterday because I think, like, I'm nervous. I don't have a lot of stand-up coming up before this special.

So it's like I'm putting a lot into it. Have you done guilting the people into following you on social media? Yeah, not really. Not really. I got a kid. I mean... I don't know if she even...

What the frick's a dad got to do to get some people to sign up for his YouTube page my freaking cat's freaking freaking out anyway I used to eat all this shit we ready for number four I used to have to eat this stuff

he's not going to eat shit at his comedy special taping oh that's god damn right he used to have to eat this stuff and now he chooses to Sean Jordan your fourth pick. Instant mashed potatoes. Nice big bag of Insti mashies, dude. They're so dank.

No. Insti mashies. Put them all over your feet and make it move big. I'm logging out. You're logging out? I'm logging out, dude. Are you 90? You're going to boot the drive and cut the hard wire?

No, I'm taking a shit. I'm logging out, dude. You cut the hard wires when you got to pinch it up. Make it move big. Put your little piggies in my InstiMashes, bud. No! You make it move big, and now I have gravy. you make it a boob bag and now I have gravy

you've made the husband's gravy for my instant matches this is the last episode of this podcast the only podcast that ever existed this is the end of podcasting I love them man I love them unfortunately I have to use the stove for these but it doesn't make it hard

I've tried microwaves it's fun watching the water boil and dumping the instant mash powder in and then you stir it and you're like holy buckets it's mashed potatoes in 15 seconds normally I just put it in the top part of the toilet and hold a lighter underneath it I get my trusty sheet of tin foil out

and get my blowtorch under it make mashed potato drugs god I get my trusty sheet of tinfoil out and get my blowtorch under it. Make mashed potato drugs. God. A lot of your picks are things that people eat during war. Yeah. Yeah, I've been in internal war my whole life. Well, as I understand it, Sean,

you may or may not have been in a gang war at some point. Maybe several. Is that correct? I was beaten into a gang at one point. We never actually went to war, but we sure talked about stuff like that quite a bit. Sure. I went to war with a few chromies and hood ornaments and some windows I went to war with, and I won all those wars.

Windows 95, 98. They said it's Kathy Ireland naked, but it's not Kathy Ireland naked. That is not what she looks like. They lied. Shane Torres. Time for your fourth pick. Speaking of war-based meals, I am going to take MREs.

Meals ready to eat. What? Really? I don't know where you got your hands on these, but those are great. I'll tell you why. He stole them from soldiers? Jerk. We were really broke and we didn't have a lot for groceries. So somebody

there was a train that was stopped and somebody broke into a rail car and found a bunch of MREs. Was it Big Simon? No. You don't have to say anybody. He's dead. He can't take it.

There you go. Yeah. But, they were MREs and there was like spaghetti and all this other shit in there. But yeah, that was the thing we had to do for a little bit and then but like it was the thing that was nuts about it was they also all had like fun sized packages

of like M&M's or Skittles or something like little candy and we would just open them up and eat those and then they would just be like you know like beef stroganoff yuck yeah did you ever eat any of like the beef stroganoff yeah yeah yeah did you ever eat any of like the beef stroganoffs did you have a favorite i can't i can't i remember liking them more and more but i don't remember

i actually don't remember like a lot of the meals but i remember it was a thing like we would eat them and i was just like it's okay you know it was kind of like I know I took one to school once and people were like, what kind of Lunchable is that? It was like... A military one. You salute this Lunchable. That's what you do. I eat Lunchables like this

so you can eat Lunchables like that. Oh, God. we had them we did the big hike around Mount Hood and I think it's like the equivalent of an MRE you get an REI right an REI MRE an REI MRE and that could have really been from where these were from I truly don't know like what's it

look at you look at you walk it back you're like hey I didn't steal where these were from. I truly don't know what they were. They weren't printed in camo or anything. Look at you walk it back. You're like, hey, I didn't steal from soldiers. I wouldn't do that. These were for Al-Qaeda, actually. I'm a hero. You guys all know I love soldiers. Because I was on Ron White's comedy salute to the troops in the evening of Star Spangled Banter.

Boy, the world is aware, my friend. Is that anywhere in YouTube? Can you Is that anywhere in YouTube? Can you find it anywhere on YouTube? I don't know. Check Sean's YouTube for it. You can get it on the CMT app. Go to Sean Jordan Comedian,

the YouTube channel, Sean Jordan Comedian, and find my take on Shane's set on Ron White's Evening with the Troops. Are you going to do a reaction video? I actually... I bet not. That's one of the biggest...

My nephew, he's like... His favorite things, he goes, I love Try Not to Laugh videos. And I'm just like, Oh my God, it bums me out so bad. It's just grown-ups acting like they think this shit is funny. Like kids' videos are funny

and then kids watch it because they think the grown-up's trying not to laugh. It's a hustle, man. You're hustling kids. At least we hustle adults. We're not hustling anybody dude this is now uh getting on an hour 50 minutes of a free podcast and all they have to do is frequent our sponsors fourth pick this is a homemade it is rice cheese and hot sauce baby oh yeah

if you're hungry enough man that's like a gourmet what do you call that like a Kentucky breakfast like that's a do you have a name for it? Ohio lunch for me shout out my roommate. I know. Ohio Lunch is the husband's bowl.

My sophomore year college roommate, Kirby. Kirby Galloway. Shout out Kirby. Just made it one day. And I was like, that looks good as shit. And he was like, you're goddamn right it does. Talk us through the cheese here. Talk us through the hot sauce and through the cheese.

Is it white rice? What's going on here? The beauty of the dish is that if any version of the ingredients are there, it's happening. The dish. If I... You can do this shit with brown rice ricotta and sriracha. You don't give a fuck.

It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal.

It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal.

It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal.

It's not ideal. It's not ideal. The ideal iteration. The original. Yes. White rice. Shredded cheddar. North America.

North America. Why rice and shredded cheddar? Those were my roommates. Ian was on the lacrosse team. Yeah. He said he was making it in college So we know it's white rice They're pretty exclusionary

Guys you gotta come to the parking lot White rice is fighting sharp cheddar Like I wouldn't be In the parking lot I'd watch that for days Breaking 40s bottles on the ground And what was the hot sauce in the ideal iteration Frank's Red Hot.

Oh, girl. Yes. Yeah. There I did it again. I'll do it with Valentina nowadays, too. I'm a big Valentina guy. Valentina went number one on the recent hot sauce draft. Anything with a little bit of viscous to it when it comes to a hot sauce.

Viscosity, if you will. I won't take it now, but my next pick was going to be something similar. When I lived in South Central in LA, the first time I lived in LA I was like 22, 23. I moved. Found a place in South Central. I had no money.

I only had my bar mitzvah money. And I used to eat something that I called Spaghetti. Which was just spaghetti noodles. Frank's Red Hot. And that green can parmesan. And it was so cheap. So cheap.

Yeah, spaghetti. And it was just like, that's what I ate most of the time. That was my main food. I had a version of just noodles and hot sauce. I just get like pain noodles and put hot sauce on them. Yeah. Can't go wrong, man. It gets wet though at the bottom. I don't like that. I don't like seeing like a

puddle at the bottom of my food. You hate it when it's wet at the bottom. When you're broke, the starch, you find the starch has to go a long way, right? Absolutely. That's what fills you up. Yeah. That's why Shane would get a loaf of cupcakes

a loaf of cupcakes alright time for my fourth and then my final pick the final pick of course a lightning round my fourth pick is going to be now this was another little bit of a treat this was another little bit of treat but like I would get the Winco block of cheddar cheese, right? And then you would get those just massive packs of tortillas.

Yeah. And I would just make fucking quesadillas out the wazoo. Yeah. At first in the microwave. The poor man's dia. Yeah. The poor man's dia. And then eventually I moved to a pan

every now and then. But I almost prefer it in the microwave because it has... The pan is better. Moisture. I like a moist quesadilla. You've come to the dark side, my friend. We welcome your presence.

It's, hey, I mean, this is a quesadilla specific. If you're going to culturally appropriate my food in the least culturally appropriated way possible. You're going to cook it in the Irish oven, man. I like what you're doing. We welcome you over here. I was honoring your heritage with the use of cutting edge technology.

What a pretty smart. In the form of an LG microwave, dude. Atomic energy. Yeah. And then like you'd hit that with whatever hot sauce you had on hand. If there was sour cream left over for whatever reason, you'd throw that on there. You know you're doing well when you're

broke and you're buying condiments like sour cream. You're like... I never was, but sometimes it'd be in the fridge and you'd be like, well, they're not going to miss. It would just get there. It'd be communal. Somebody would have it. Who's sour cream is this? Doesn't matter. The sour cream.

Who's mold on the sour cream? Yeah, let me scoop the mold out. Cut around. I've done that move so many times. Not with sour cream, but just stuff that mold. Anything that mold. Cheese. I've broken off moldy parts of cheese. And then final pick. I apologize for going against

the spirit of the draft here thus far but big old bag of spinach oh i see like sometimes you you got to be like i have to put something green in my body i know what i mean i know what i mean where it's like i've been i've been doing such deleterious eating for the last two weeks that like, I need to eat something green. And I would always, it would just, it was so clutch,

big bag of spinach. Sometimes you could cook it down and just kill it with hot sauce. But sometimes you just, I would eat it. Like it was medicine out of a bag. I mean, you can make it bad for you too. It's like,

you just cover it in ranch. That's what I'd, I'd cover it in Dorothy ranch or something and just have a, be like, I'm going to have a salad, you know, but I would just like, and usually i would eat the entire bag at once it is and then it did help i bet i mean you know it is yeah it is good for you couldn't hurt last night i wolfed down that's the weird thing is like when you eat like shit for a few days

and then you're like now i need a vegetable that it is a fire sale after you have whatever it is you put into like clean yeah it is my insides were stripped like a copper like copper wire from a like from a building it was the vegetable shows up like your mom when you weren't expecting you're like you live like this what's going on in here oh my god it starts cleaning before you even have a chance to talk to it. I don't know why spinach got such a bad rap. I don't know why everyone would talk about how that was like the spinach is good. It's like the one of the vegetables. It's

like good to me. Spinach got a bad rap. I feel like everyone's like spinach was the gross thing when you're a kid in movies and stuff. They'd be like, I gotta eat spinach or something. It was that and Brussels sprouts when we were kids. Like 80s to 90s era children, those were held up as like, this is the worst thing

you'll ever have in your life. No, it's fine. Are Brussels sprouts the new sexy vegetable on the block? I mean, as of a decade ago. Yeah. You're a little behind. Easy old man. What's the newest sexy vegetable?

Ramps. I'm sorry, I can't hear you over your bell bottoms, Grandpa. What? Nice record player douchebag. We're on to Swiss chard now, you fucking geek. What's wrong with you?

That's a hot one. That's a little hot boy veggie. I feel like kale was post-ussel sprouts and I wrote fuck kale I'm saying brussel sprouts hey guys what's the sexiest new vegetable is it brussel sprouts or kale it's ramps he felt oh Chris says cauliflower

whatever it is it's post brussel sprouts brussel sprouts were like yeah I think you're right i think it was cauliflower whoa i think you picked it because it's white you're in pittsburgh blitzburg yeah uh bag of spinach sam time for your final pick my final pick you know what you've inspired me i'll go the healthiest thing I have on my list, and I'll say my roommate's clementines. Oh, yeah, dude.

Stealing shit from your roomie. There we go. Is that like the husband's bulge? Yeah, the old roommate's clementine. I would be honest about it. I would say, hey, I took a couple of your Clementines. I owe you Clementines. I will get you back, you know?

But yeah, roommates Clementines. I think that's morally sound because no one can ever finish that entire bag of Clementines before they start getting that weird mold on them. Right. It's the big like mesh orange bag, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, nobody's getting through that. Nobody's getting through that.

It was a mitzvah what you were doing, if anything. Which there are three forms of, right? Sean's converting to Judaism. Nobody finds out. There's the mitzvah where you know, and the mitzvah where both people know, both parties know, right? Those are the three levels. Are you Jewish?

100% bar mitzvah and everything. Thank you for asking. I'm sorry. I just always wanted to do Oh. I'm sending out like a pro. I just always wanted to do it. I'm sorry. Sammy dropping dimes. It's that kind of podcast. Sam, you should do the shaklakity too while you're here. Shane Torres,

time for your final pick. For me, a final pick. What was that? I don't know. I really don't know. Let's talk through it. what do we think that was well I think he was being Irish for me final pick

he was being a frail Irishman we've had a lot of good picks here today so far we've had 18 and they were fire or as we come to the conclusion of yet another

old fantasy everything we find it time for Shane's final pick. Guinness. I almost thought about beer, but two for a dollar tacos, Jack in a Box. Oh, yeah.

Bars! Clutch. Got him. That's the best, man. truly the best like that's i i don't eat that shit anymore but like god damn it if it doesn't taste fantastic still we can't we can't eat that shit anymore but like it doesn't work man it is a deep fried taco with a pocket of flesh in it it's fucking weird it's a different food it's almost has more to do with egg rolls than it does with tacos. You know what I mean?

It's when you're like, oh, that's what you eat for tacos? It's like, well, yeah, they're called tacos, but that's not what that is. That's a different thing. I'm going to put this whole thing in a tortilla later and it'll be fine. Jack in the Box had to call that a taco because the average

customer lacked the poetry in their soul to truly understand what it was they were going for back there. They could call it two pieces of poop for a dollar. I'd be like, well, it stinks. I'll give me 14. It's like a French quesadilla. Yeah, all of that.

John? Little Debbie's. Oh, the snack cakes. Yeah. Just now, I mean, they're just the worst for actual nutrition, but, you know, they put the fuel in.

Nutty bars. I like the nutty bars with the dessert. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Last pick. I tried to make those one time with an ex-girlfriend

that was like our date night. Tried to make them? Yeah. You tried to make nutty bars? Describe in detail, bud. With a husband's bulge and a blooming eye. Everybody was going there. Yeah, but I got there first.

It doesn't matter. Well, that's the kind of lover you are. Not on you. It's not wrong. You can find these recipes to make chirped up versions of shitty food. Star crunch, yeah. And it was like, we tried

and it was a fun night, but it was a horrible meal. Did you guys draft Little Debbies without me? You did, didn't you? Yeah, we did with the Sklars. The fucking oatmeal cookie? Mm-hmm. That's my favorite, I think.

You remember the big one in Honey, I Shrunk the Kid? When he scoops out that big part of cream? You're like, maybe the best part of that movie. Even as an adult, you're like, this rules. This is the best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Real day. Yeah. Oh, you know what I love? A honey bun. A microwave honey bun. A hot honey bun. Hot honey bun. That's what they actually Oh, you know what I love? A honey bun. A microwaved honey bun. A hot honey bun. Hot honey bun. That's what they actually call you on the circuit, right?

The hot honey bun. The boxed honey bun. Shane loves a hot honey bun almost as much as he loves recording in the Delta Terminal at the Atlanta airport. That's the final pick. To recap the picks, I took a Totino party pizza. I was wondering

if one of you was going to say something about it. Big old turkey packet. 32 ounces of nacho cheese from 7-Eleven. A quesadilla and a bag of spinach. Sam, you went second.

You took a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy's. Cocoa Krispies. Five fried pork and chive dumplings for $1.25, rice, cheese, and hot sauce, and your roommate's clementines. Shane, you took a purloined chicken fried steak, ill-gotten

chicken fingers, the day-old bakery rat, procured through criminal activity MREs, and two-for-a-dollar tacos at Jack in the Box. Sean, you at last, you took El Monte micro-ritos. What? I don't think I spent any money. I could just steal it.

You spent a dollar. And then whatever you spent at the bakery rack. Sean took El Monte micro-ritos, a can of Hormel chili, the half-chirky, half-cheese combos from Plaid Pantry, or wherever yours are sold, instant mashed potatoes, and Little Debbie's snackack Cakes.

Although I should have forced a clarification. Sean, which would it have been? Can't have a lot. Star Crunchy. Star Crunch. Yeah, I've always liked Star Crunchies. Isaac Lee, Lord knows we've all been broke.

You've been broke too. What was the food that you would pick? The brokest I've ever been was during college in New York City, and I would eat one dollar slice pizza all the time yeah all the time

that was on my list yeah they don't have them anymore right they're like a buck and a quarter now a buck and a quarter no I don't have it anywhere else I think you can still find it

in the odd place but generally speaking it's a little more you can get it in New York I feel like here you can't do I don't know I could get a dollar slice pizza anywhere but New York

you get two for $2.50 and a can of Coke. What is it? Champions pizza? That is a meal right there. That is fantastic. That'll get me through all day. You can make that stealing from a wishing pound. Two bros. Yeah, that's the one.

Two bros is great. An excellent pick. We want to hear your picks Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon Where we have auction drafts

Mailbag episodes Live episodes Bonus content, ad free episodes Video stuff And Isaac's incredibly tasteful nudes. A lot of thigh. A lot of thigh action. It's a lot of thigh.

Tasteful thigh, though. It's a picture of a thigh that begs the question, what lingers merely two inches above what I'm seeing? Innuendo. How much is that, Kosti? What is that? Do my eyes spy a shadow of something erotic or no? Correct. Insinuation.

Yes. Subtlety. Sinu. Old Hamacondo. Yeah. And then, of course, just full-on bush shots, too. Of course. It's all on there on All Fantasy Everything Patreon, everybody. Make sure you sign up for that in addition to our Trailblazer merchandise.

Shout-out to everyone on the AFE Slackity, the AFE subreddit. Shout out to super producer Isaac. Incredibly talented. Wearing what looks to be a Manchester United soccer jersey? Manchester City. Man City, mate.

Man City, mate. Kevin De Bruyne. Kevin De Bruyne with the badge. Ripping the badge repping the badge mate well who shout out to who else St. Sue Carmel shout out to Frankie Ocean

shout out to Sid the Dude shout out to Haja Beats and more important than all of that tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything Shikolagity! That was a hate gun podcast.