All Fantasy Everything - Greatest Weaknesses (w/ Josh Gondelman, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 19, 2023

Like Achilles and his heel.Episode Guest:Josh Gondelman @JoshGondelman (IG: @JoshGondelman)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. more Maryland at Magoobies, November 3rd and 4th. I will be in Vancouver, British Columbia, November 30th through December 2nd at the House of Comedy with Sean Jordan. I will be in Austin, Texas at the Vulcan Gas Company, December 8th and 9th. I will be in New York City, January 4th at the City Winery, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, January 5th at City Winery and Boston, Massachusetts on January 6th, also at City Winery. And then finally in Portland, Oregon, March 23rd at Revolution Hall. Big blowout show, special guests, me doing an hour as I get prepared to record and release for the first time in a decade, a new album and a new special. So check that out. In addition to that, you can now pre-order my book, T-Shirt Swim Club. It's a book about growing up fat, being fat, people's relationship to fat, getting a little bit less fat, getting fat again, all of those things. It's me writing it from a

comedic perspective and a memoir perspective. And then my little sister writing from the perspective of a clinical psychologist about all of those things. You can get that anywhere you can pre-order books. It's out in June, but you can pre-order it now. Pre-ordering really, really helps. You can get it at bookshop.org, Powell's, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, if you want to shop there, any of those places. Pre-order it now, please.

It's going to be a fantastic book. I know it's a fantastic book. You're really going to like it. And pre-orders, again, really help. All right, enough out of me. Let really going to like it. And pre-orders, again, really help. All right, enough out of me. Let's get to the episode. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we are drafting greatest weaknesses slash only weaknesses. We'll get into that more once we get into the episode

our guest today is the fantastic comedian author television writer uh very inspiring member of the writers guild as well i just want to say as a fellow member out there on the streets taking the message to the people josh gondelman hey thank you i you. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. Yeah, you're welcome. I don't know why I said that like I was fucking... Yeah, you're welcome. What the fuck? What was that? I said that like I'm a cartoon pigeon.

Yeah, that was weird. Like I bought a hot dog from you. Yeah. My friends and comedians, David Borey and Sean Jordan are also here. Let's get into that episode. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The episode that's having a Gorgonzola and Gabagool sandwich.

Yeah. That's the energy I brought into this. I like it. I feel, yeah. Might be the new me. This might just be me from now on. I hate to tell you this, bud, but it's the old you too. So, I don't know what you want to do with that

I put a little extra fucking hot sauce on that one though you did oh man Max the other day was in the front yard she had a rock in one hand and she was going like this to the other rock and said she was putting hot sauce on the rocks she's modeling behavior holy buckets

me putting hot sauce on whiskey oh I asked her to say she clackety in the living room and she kind of did it so if she's up from her nap we can get her in here for this one our friend Josh Gondelman is here today Josh thank you so much for joining fresh off some dates

in Detroit how are you doing buddy I'm feeling good I took a long nap I like that it was good Thank you so much for joining. Fresh off some dates in Detroit. How are you doing, buddy? I'm feeling good. I took a long nap. I like that. It was good. Because I did that early flight. And so I got, I was up at about five to fly home to New York.

And then I got home and I was like, I'm gonna take a nap at like noon. And my wife was like, I'll join you. And then we woke up at one and I was like, not finished. And she got up and left. And I slept for another hour. You wake up and you're all dizzy because you were in deep day sleep. Oh yeah, I like that. When you wake up kind of disoriented for a second.

In the middle of the day. Yeah. Kind of panicked. Yeah, kind of panicked where you're like, fuck, I had to have missed something. Something had to have gone by. Yeah. That is a good thing.

Like waking up. Did someone drug me and throw me in my bed? Yeah. You get a little panicky. Does anyone else's mom, no matter when you answer, like if you call them and you wake them up, do they all, anyone else pretend not to have been sleeping? I do that constantly. I'll never admit to having been sleeping. Never. Hello.

I know she's asleep, but it's like, hello. It's like, did I wake you up? No. Why do you sound like you just smoked like a carton of cigarettes? What's going on? I'll never admit. You'll never catch me sleeping. Never. My dog will bark in the middle of the night.

I'll be like, I was just stressing my eyes eyes she tells me she's sorry for going to sleep so i'll call her and she'll be like i'm so sorry i was sleeping and it's like that's all good i'm never gonna get mad at my mom for sleeping you gotta do that every day yeah you're you're all good and it'll be yeah but eight in the morning i'm sorry i was asleep that's all good. And it'll be, yeah, about eight in the morning. I'm sorry, I was asleep. That's all good, man. Don't worry about it. Josh, today we are drafting greatest slash only weaknesses. You sent us several wonderful ideas.

This was one of them. What was the inspiration behind this idea? I think normally when people have these fun conversations, it's always like, what superpower would you want? And that to me, people kind of have the same conversation over and over again about that. But I feel like greatest weaknesses is that flip side that doesn't get talked about enough and it's

equally important. Now, are we drafting the way I understand it? I went way beyond superheroes. Yeah, me too. Oh, no, no. Me too. I'm all over the place. We're drafting actual figures and their greatest weaknesses. Ooh, okay. Oh, or are we not? The example was Superman.

Yeah, I have some fictional... Oh, not actual people, but like figures and their weaknesses. We're not drafting ones that we would like to have, or are we? Not that we want to have. No, no, no. Oh, I wish I had celiac disease. Fictional or real things.

Yeah. They're like one or greatest weakness. Yep. Okay. Always good to actually have this conversation right before we do the podcast. I think it's fun. I think it's fun because sometimes you have to alter yourself a little bit, which I've had to do quite a few times with vegetables.

I was like, so we're talking about talking about candy, right? When we did vegetables, I was like, so candy and like hamburgers and stuff too, or just vegetables. Sean doesn't like vegetables. Nobody does. I'm just the only one who's telling the truth. I like that. What are you talking about? That's a really wild take, my man.

Nobody likes vegetables. That's insane that you think that. That's like the first chapter of a cookbook by a seven-year-old chef. Yeah. You think we're allyear-old chef. Yeah. You think we're all gaslighting you? No, I think you guys are, you fell victim to Big Vegetable. They dip carrots in brainwash, bro. You didn't know that?

Don't talk about Shane like that. Big Vegetable's a friend of ours. Big Vegetable? Shane, now that he's boxing a lot, he's Big Vegetable. Big Vegetable, dude. Shane. Josh, have you seen Shane Torres running around New York City like Rocky yet? No, I can't wait to one day just walk out my front door and he's just,

ba-ba-ba-ba. Yeah, getting strong now. Hey, Baba. Wait, because you have, Sean, you have a youthful palate, I think. Yeah, that's a nice way to put it. Thank you for being nice about it. When I saw you guys... We call it yuck mouth.

Oh, we're not going to talk about Boston, are we? You know, we went to the bar after the amazing All Fantasy Everything show at the Wilbur Theater. So much fun. And I walked in and you had a glass of what I thought was the darkest red wine I'd ever seen. And I was like, are you drinking squid ink? And you were like,

oh, it's Jaeger. And I was like, oh. And I am so washed, I forgot that was a thing people drank. It was Jaeger with a drop of Red Bull. They weren't very generous on the Red Bull, but there was a little in there. But yeah, That ship maybe

has sailed. In the last 10 months? Maybe. I don't know. I would be shocked. My heart, I can feel things now that I couldn't when I... Is that your father?

I can feel things slipping away now in my heart so so the Red Bull's gone or the Jager? the Red Bull Rachel won't let the Jager shift that's not what I thought you meant Jager's still in play I can see you saying goodbye to the Red Bull

can I get a decaf coffee a Jager bar no more tonic the bubbles are bad for my guts. It's straight gin now. Straight gin for me. Give me that moose blood or whatever they say is in there. You're going to be in there.

Can I get a matcha? Can I get a Jager matcha? A matcha bomb? You're going to Jager a matcha? You know they got them. You know they got those. Give me a decaf latte with just a shot of Jager in there. Oh, you don't do that here?

It's the first time for everything, my friend. Oh, you don't do that here? It's the first time for everything, my friend. Luckily, I brought the decaf latte. I have most of it. Can I drink it in here? Can I give you 10 bucks and I'll just drink it? It's an amazing topic, and we're going to get into it.

First, we need to determine the order of this draft, and we do that with a rollicking game of rock paper scissors and we all throw on shoot. Joshua, I've moved the plugs till after the second break. It's just a really cool production note that I'm throwing out there. I was thinking about it's fine because like now they're just in there and

when people like are listening, they're just gonna there's not really a way to like miss them. So I think that's good. I don't have much going on. We want to hear about all of it, but not till later. Nap City, baby. Pipe down and get ready to throw a rock paper scissors. Nap City. Nap Nap City.

I only understood that to be about taking a little snooze in the afternoon. I know it's about Indianapolis? Nap City? Oh wait, it's Rack City. Yeah, but the song is Rack City. Tigers do sleep a lot, I think. So it is a more accurate song.

Tyga doesn't sleep a lot, though. Tyga doesn't sleep. Well, don't sleep on Tyga. He hangs out in the city that never sleeps, Las Vegas. Porn guy? He does. Tyga's a porn guy? No, he's a rapper. I know, but isn't he in the porn world too? I don't know.

I bet he's seen it. I haven't watched his porn. I don't want to Google Tiger porn. Like how Uncle Luke is? I don't know who Uncle Luke is. Yeah, you do. You know who Uncle Luke is. Uncle Luke?

Uncle Luke? Should I know who Uncle Luke is? Oh, he's from 2 Live Crew. Oh, yeah. Sure. I know who 2 Live Crew is. Could be another example. A rapper in the porn world. I didn't know Tretch is in the porn world. Does Tretch do porn? Wasn't Tretch? He doesn't do porn.

That's how naughty he is. There's no way. It's in his nature. You shouldn't ask him to stop. I wouldn't. If they were like, all right, you have to perform. Tretch is going to be watching. I'd be like, my penis is a little turtle that went into my body. There's no one I would like to watch me have sex

less than Tretch. Although, maybe the funniest thing to say at the climax of sex is hip-hop hooray. Yeah. Hip-hop hooray. Hip-hop hooray! I do it the way

he raps it. Hip-hop, hip-hip-hop, hip-hip-hop, hooray! That would be, that might get my turtle out of its shell a little bit. Not because I hate you. I like the thing they did. I'm sorry to keep derailing. I do love Not because I hate you. I'm sorry to keep derailing. I do love that they did a whole song that was a play on the phrase

hip hip hooray. He's a very good rapper. Yeah. They also did a song called Other People's Pussies. You know what I mean? They got us all singing it. That's another one that I always forget about, but that was on the radio like crazy.

It's crazy. And everybody's just like, yeah, you know me. I'm known for doing that. I'm a real dirtbag. I'm about that life. You don't even have to ask. Oh, yeah. You down with the fidelity?

Fuck yeah, boy. Like a 11-year-old. Yeah yeah i'm an aunt at a wedding of course yeah yep they did play it at weddings they played that everywhere middle school dances they would play that i mean the beat is insane it's a michael jackson song isn't it like feel me flow they had another knock holler if you If You Hear Me. They had a lot of... Anyway, sorry. Feel Me Flow. It's Rock, Paper, Scissors, and we throw on Hip Hop Hooray. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Hip Hop Hooray!

Oh! We have to do it again. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Hip Hop Hooray! Oh, Josh wins. Scissors against two papers. A natural win. Josh, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft.

But before you do that, I will remind you, it's a serpentine draft. What is that? A great question. Kind of like last episode. It was like tiling. If you've ever tiled, you ever tiled a floor?

Anybody? Anybody on this? Yeah, I actually have. Whoa. Yeah, I have. You're going from roofing to tiling in back-to-back episodes? He's got your whole house covered.

Yeah, dude. I'll take you to the bathroom. Sean doesn't do walls. Yeah, yeah. But with the shingles, they overlap. Yeah, you tile the floor. So you go left to right, and then you go up, right to left, up, left to

right. Then the grout work comes in. That's what takes the time. That's where the champions are made. After you lay the tiles, then the grout comes into play. That's where you separate the men from the boys and the tiles from the other tiles. And this could be inaccurate. And the water-bearing surfaces from the non-water-bearing surfaces.

The grout is the same sort of weight. You go all the way down and then you go up, up, up, up, up, up, up, and then all the way back and then you go up, up, up, up, up, up, up, and then all the way back to the right. So two for one, baby. Two strips of bacon. I'm going to give you the opportunity to be a better version of

yourself right now and come up with one that isn't just a rip-off of shingling. Like looking at a river from space? right now and come up with one that isn't just a rip-off of shingling? Like looking at a river from space? It looks like a snake. Whoa. Whoa. Damn. Alright. Yeah, you got it.

Coming in hot. You may not like the method, but it produced that. Oh, my God. That was a crazy thing. You know, a serpentine draft, it's like looking at a river from space. No further questions, Your Honor. You picked fourth in the first round. You picked first in the second round.

Now, Josh, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Okay. As the winner, I am going to take Victor's prerogative, and I'm going to draft first. Take it. And then I'm going counterclockwise on my screen. It's going to be me, David, Ian, Sean

today. Sean, I apologize. Also, start calling me Sean today. That's a fun Sean today. Sean today, Jordan. Yes. Hot corner, as it were, baby. me Sean today. That's a fun Sean today, Jordan. Yes, hot corner, as it were, baby. As it were, as it twer. Josh, you have the first pick in the only slash greatest weakness as All Fantasy Everything draft,

and we're going to give to that pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne.

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after the first show at High Plains oh by now we will have been at High Plains doing the karaoke part that's fine I can't believe David whipped out that Bonnie Raitt song again I have one go to you know is it something to talk about where were we

Philly that was the Philly night was that the Philly night I just ran into somebody who was at karaoke with us because I just played Philly the other night amazing show and a few people who had hung out with us that night and they're like oh yeah remember and I'm like I don't want you to no i don't want to reminisce on anything i would like to give you

nothing to talk about yeah i think that you just take your picture and fucking keep it moving all right i do want to say i was there at the karaoke night and for some reason that's part of the evening i remember and you were out there in a backpack and you had that place going crazy. I remember people being excited, but I don't really remember. People were fucking loving it. You did a great job and people were responding. Yeah. When I go for it, I go for it.

I just carry it. It's just not my bag. You know what I mean? But, you know. Well, we're going to find out what Josh's bag is right now because he has the first pick. Transitions, bro. Segways. I almost gave myself the second pick

because there are so many strong greatest weaknesses, but I thought, you know, I'm going to show strength and I'm going to call my shot. Pick number one in the spirit of this confidence. The greatest weakness of all. First round draft pick, hubris.

And I'm going Odysseus' hubris. Oh my God. Taking it all the way back. All right. Going back to Homer. Yeah, original. You know what they call it, Homer? Because this is a home run pick.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. There's nothing odd I see in this pick. Hubris is for sure number one I mean this is straight Iliad that was my chance to prove my knowledge I was going to say ill I add that I

don't know exactly so I mean I've heard the Odyssey and everything but like what did what is the story of Odysseus like what actually that's Icarus oh the Odyssey and everything, but what did... What is the story of Odysseus? What actually happened? You flew too close to the sun. That's Icarus. Oh, the whole thing?

Wait, you're taking this guy's whole journey? Well, the hubris was his... That was the big thing. And Icarus too, though. Just being like, I'm better than God. I got it. Yeah, I got this. It's like an overwhelming feeling of like, let me cook.

I like it as a weakness because it feels like strength until it's your downfall and that's amazing i imagine it's what people who who are undone by cocaine feel like where you're just like i'm the greatest that ever did it and then like one day you're like oh and then you're like like, I am the greatest that ever did it. And then like one day you're like, oh, what? And that's what hubris is just naturally. Right. You're like, I'm going to get back to my wife. I know there's a hundred guys trying to marry her and she's fake weaving day in and day out. But fuck Poseidon.

I'm going to get back. I'm going to see my wife. Hubris. I think a lot of divorce guys go through their own odyssey like that you know yeah ends with a leather couch and they'll be like leaving drunk calls like i need you back that's another greek joke fuck rick and his eye patch i'm getting back to my wife. I don't care that they have custody. Rick could throw a better fastball

than you can with one eye, so I'm staying with you. Wasn't there just recently, as we're recording this, it would have been a little bit longer ago, as this doesn't come out until the middle of October, but which is today. I read from the headline. Somebody got mad about a translation of the Odyssey recently.

Oh, I didn't see that. They were mad about a woke translation of the Odyssey, but it was basically just because a woman did it. Very silly. Was the translation woke? Translating is just trans. They didn't like that the lading was trans at all. They were mad about that

they wanted scislation they wanted manslaying manslaying don't you manslay that to me you just birthed a billion dollar industry for the worst shitheads in the world let me go ahead and manslay that for you

oh my god I have 6 million TikTok followers. It just happened. It's got to be out there already. There have to be manslating. Dude, I did a manslation of Sappho's poetry.

They're all straight now. I can't wait for the manslation of Golden Girls. The reboot? It's gonna be good. The Expendables? Bronze dudes. How did mansplaining become

the thing when manslation was right there? I don't know. Lost in Manslation is my favorite movie. But at the end, Bill Murray whispers to Scarlett Johansson, he's just like, so here's how you've been packing your bags wrong, and I'm going to teach you how to pack more efficiently. Put the bowls on the top of the dishwasher and not the bottom.

I knew a guy who was a bench coach for the Detroit Tigers, so he was on the road like all the time. So he told me this is actually how you're supposed to. Hubris is an excellent first pick. I mean, Odysseus is hubris. I mean, goddamn. David Borey, time for your first pick. I'm taking a man

I think we can all say we viewed as a titan of both sport and business, really in culture in general. A man who we saw no flaws until this one thing started to dog him

via the internet. I'm taking Michael Jordan and ill-fitting jeans. Yeah. Uh-huh. Absolutely. It was the first thing I ever saw him do bad.

Yeah. Pulled him down so many notches where you're like this guy it was like what the fuck is going on here this is my king he has a company that makes them and sells them to other people too so it's not even just him he's making it available because there were bad we came of age I think

in a bad jeans era yeah it's a bad jeans come on carpenters what are we doing bad but michael jordan's bad jeans were like somehow they exist out of space and time where they're bad for every era of history there were there are jeans that were never gonna be good and he wears them so proudly and it was just like the first time you ever saw this fucking guy in this where you were like wait there's there might be a dweeb under there or something I don't know

so much of fashion it seems like is confidence and being good looking already right those are like kind of both of those and he's a gorgeous man and he's maybe the most confident human being at least in the 90s like on the planet and probably still and even with those powers combined

we were all like nah no way six rings and we still could not accept the denim on his butt you know what I mean eight rings if you count those gigantic pipes he was wearing around his legs an iron will

and we still could not see past the giant hips that the silhouette of those jeans created. It's so big. It's nuts. It's nuts where you're like, how were you so cool for so long?

You see these jeans, right? Because he also, he had that hoop earring that's like not empirically cool or uncool, but you're like, it's cool when he does it. Yeah. You see the jeans and you're like, people at Woodstock

99 wouldn't have worn them. And now the earring seems fucked up now too a little bit. It's got the jean stink on it. Does he think he can do for style what he did for basketball? But he did for a while. he think, like, I'll get these jeans too? But he did for a while.

That's the thing. He was incredibly dressed. Yes, he was. Before this crazy jeans era. In those suits. Like, he looked great. And he is an icon of sneakers. He's the icon of sneakers.

So it's like there are clothes that he has worn and made cool through his Michael Jordan-ness. Yeah. Just much like Odyssey. I mean, Odysseus, hubris. Yeah. We did kind of pick the same one. Yeah. Denim hubris.

Denim hubris. Denim hubris. You should write a book about Michael Jordan called Denim Hubris. Start an Instagram handle. The unauthorized biography of Michael Jordan. Denim Hubris. Start an Instagram handle. The unauthorized biography of Michael Jordan. Denim Hubris. Denim Hubris

is like a Cam Ron album from 1999. I wear the big jeans. I'm dreaming big dreams. Like Michael Jordan. And then some words he made up. Yeah. Shout out to Cam.

He was in Colorado the other day. Oh, that's cool. I'm wearing denim, then I spend them in the dungeon like denim, denim, denim. You're like, yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's a good rap. He does,

he does like with words what Michael Jordan couldn't do with jeans. Yeah, he does. Yeah. Freaking sake on a Suzuki we in Osaka Bay. Oh my God. Yeah.

That's cool. I mean, he counted the counting money freestyle. Listen, we could talk about Cameron all day. I'm talking about Michael Jordan and his big ass stupid homeless person jeans.

He even like, he had the nerve to tuck shirts into these jeans. With a belt. He even like He had the nerve to tuck shirts into these jeans. He wanted us to see the whole thing. Wearing Patrick Ewing's belt too. Those things were big dude like a long extra. I don't know man. He was like the male

Avril Lavigne. Because he made things so complicated. because he made things so complicated. With his poor, poor fashion decision. Oh my God. And it really was the first ever time. Like, it was like, you don't see a lot of people fall off in that way.

No. He was the best dressed, coolest guy. Everything else is so on point. James took him out. And he stuck with him. James took him out. He stuck with him dressed, coolest guy. Everything else is so on point. Jeans took him out. And he stuck with them. Jeans took him out. He stuck with them. He hurt back.

Oh, yeah. He doubled down. Not to bring it up again, but we've seen Shane Torres do this with jeans. Wait, what did Shane do with jeans? When we were all in Portland. He wore George Brandenburg. He had these big... We've told this to his face

several times. He had the... What are you doing? You holding up? Rockefeller? What are you holding up? No, like as big as the hole was. He wore these jeans that were just like covered in holes and then down at the bottom... We lived in Oregon. So it rained

all the time. And so they were like, they had too long. So they'd always fallen under his shoes. So they had these like tendrils of like stringy denim that hung out the back. That 90s fray. That 90s fray. And we just kept telling him, we're like, you have to, you have to get some new jeans. You have to, please, you have to. And he just, the fact that we were telling him that made him double down even harder.

Shane Torres, Michael Jordan, same dude. Well, when I moved here, somebody came up. I didn't think anything was awry. And somebody came up to me at an open mic. And they were like, why do you wear such big jeans? And I was like, oh. I was like, I thought they were just. I thought that shit hurt so bad.

I thought I looked amazing. It was 2009 from South Dakota to here. And I was like, what do you mean big? These are Lee pipes. I'm a skater boy. I'm also like Avril Lavigne. What do you mean? 38 Levi's silver tabs.

People aren't wearing silver tabs out here. Oregon's different like that. Michael Jordan's denim label should just be called someone else's jeans. That's what it looks like he's wearing. To sell jeans. You can buy the wearing. The nerve to sell jeans. You can buy... The nerve. The nerve of this man. A six foot six man wearing boyfriend jeans.

Like, who are those for? Come on. An amazing pick. LeBron would never be caught wearing jeans like this. Are you kidding me? And that's why he's not the GOAT. That's why Michael Jordan's the goat.

The fact that he wore these jeans. Now for my first pick. And I am going to take Ariana Grande and weird looking dudes. Wow. That's fair. Fuck. Yeah. Almost exclusively.

I can only think of. It makes me like her better. Yeah, absolutely. Who else? Who else am I? Who else am I? Pete Davidson. And then the new dude, Spongebob.

Yeah, Spongebob. Tom Kenny? No, no, no, no. The broad voice. That was. Oh, you guys almost just fucked my shit up. Tom Kenny. I was getting a bunch of holes in the wall

But Tom Kenny did have to put a statement out with his wife Saying we're very happily married It's not this Spongebob It's the one who's playing He played Spongebob on Broadway And now they're in this wicked movie together But Spongebob had a wife and like a newborn kid Yeah

And he left his he left and they were like hanging out the three of them or no the four of them because it was ariana grande's husband yeah it was like a real estate agent yeah what's his name uh god this is the guy whoa that is the guy david and i just did the same google search, I think. He's a weird looking Dalton. Dalton was Ariana Grande's husband. Dalton Gomez. He was the one. Dalton Trumbo.

Is he dancer shredded though or something? He was spending too much time in the bathtub. Dalton is kind of the only normal looking dude and she married him and then she immediately went back to weird looking dudes. Her biggest weakness is weird-looking dudes. She can't stay away from them. Because SpongeBob is weird-looking.

Let me take the wind guard off the microphone. SpongeBob is weird-looking, dude. You did get you. If she dated actual SpongeBob, people would be less surprised. It would be less weird-looking. It would be less shocking. And I don't think SpongeBob is married. So it would be more morally sound.

He's single. Yeah. He's still playing in the field. Yeah, he's out there seeing what's available. You know, a pineapple is like a kind of a totem of like swingers. People use that as like an icon of like, we're open for business. And SpongeBob lives in a pineapple under the sea. He's getting, he's all sorts of freaky stuff's happening in there oh where do swingers bring these pineapples do they put them on their front porch do you bring it to the bar do you just

roll into the bar real pineapple like a big real pineapple i don't think you need like a physical like i don't think you present it like a like a survivor okay you just need some pineapple shit yeah yeah yeah pineapple medapple shirt or something. Yeah, yeah. I think that's what it is. Okay. If I have any kind of medallion on, assume I'm ready to have sex with anyone.

You fuck with your chain on. I like that. Yeah, that's a medallion. Sorry if it hit you in the chin, girl. That's just what my medallion does when I spend it. I like that you have a chain on it. In your chain sex fantasy, you're still having

a missionary. I'm real mean today. We don't know how long the chain is. That's a good point. The whole time I'm like, no, we don't need to do anything. This is rad. This is great. We don't need to do anything else. I'm so happy to be here with you. The very basic swinger.

Oh no, it's cool. You sure he's cool with this? I'm more of to do anything else. I'm so happy to be here with you. The very basic swinger. Yeah. Oh, no, it's cool. You sure he's cool with this? I'm more of an intimacy swinger. Ariana Grande and her biggest weakness. Weird looking dudes. Sean Jordan. Time for your first pick. And your second pick, for God's sake.

It's like a river from space. So I'm going the fictional route. I'm going to go with a flawless, flawless alien. My man predator. He can handle anything in the whole world except for mud on your skin. Yeah. That's the one thing.

The one thing he can't do is see through mud for some reason. Is that how your boy, my boy, David's boy and Joshua's boy, Danny Glover beats him too. And the second one, the second one, they let him, they let him him go so there's like hella predators yeah and he's on the ship he ends up on the ship and they just i forget exactly what he does but he i think he

might kill one of them somehow but yeah then they all appear and they're just like get off the ship we're we're leaving uh but yeah thatator, it's so wild because you're watching the movie. It's one of the movies where you're like, there's absolutely nothing. There's nothing they're going to be able to do. Then Arnold just puts mud on himself and then starts to beat him. And it's insane. It's the only weakness. Then he starts tricking him.

He got in his kitchen. Then he gets the log thing to hit him. But yeah. It's amazing that he hadn't been defeated by a pig just by accident yeah you think he would have run into like other muddy creatures on his like interplanetary hunting yeah what about prey i get they get muddy and pray yeah because she's in like a bog or something right yeah they definitely allude to it they want you to know like listen all predators from way back.

Yeah, man, that was the first thing that popped in my head. So mud on your body when you're a predator. The second one is shaving a haircut for Roger Rabbit. Oh, that's a fun one. That's so good. It's such a fun little bit of writing where he's just in the wall. You're like, nothing. All right, he's hidden.

And then just shaving a haircut. He just is ready to explode. Shit's just wild to me how frustrating it would be if you're like, bro, we're hidden. We're good. Don't jump out there and finish the song. It's the one weakness, man. And he's like, hold it. I love that, though, because you know what?

As a comedian, it's a commitment to the bit that I really respect. He can't not do the bit. That's what made him one of the greats. Yeah. It's hard to pass up. He has to go there. It's hard to pass up a bit. That's what, if I ever get to do WTF and Marc Maron asks who my guys are,

I'll be like, Carlin, Pryor, Rabbit. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God, I saw rabbit once at the comedy store. Yeah, yeah, we were at the store, right? 1991, I was whacked out on cocaine. That was Kennison.

Kennison couldn't follow him, man. The shit rabbit was doing. I was out there, man. He was doing props, but in a way that was respectful to the ancient practice of clowning. Yeah, Roger Rabbit started Lecoq. A lot of people don't know that.

It's so hard to pass up a bit. Every time someone asks me what time it is, I always say 10 to, in the hopes that they'll say 10 to what? And I say 10 to your own damn business. It's hard to pass up a bit. What's the hit rate on that? Low. But when it hits, and it only hits for me, by the way, end of your own damn business. It's hard to pass up a bit. What's the, what's the hit rate on that? Low,

but when it hits and it only hits for me, by the way, because everyone else is like for real though, what time is it? And I'm like, not even for a second. Can you chuckle at it? Sean,

can I ask you something? Nine inches. Do you want to ask me two things? Yeah. That's another one. Oh, you set me up. Yeah.

That's it. That's how ingrained it is. Every single time. It's like a fast twitch muscle. You're like a quarterback making three reads. Anytime anyone asks you, can I ask you a question? Nine inches. I think if a police officer walked up to your window, like, can I ask you a question?

Nine inches. No, I haven't been drinking. What are you doing in my bedroom window? I have not been drinking. I'm off the Red Bull. I'm off the bull, baby. It's all horns now. A deep, thick, syrupy Jagermeister.

But yes, no Red Bull. You won't find any Red Bull on the breathalyzer, officer. That thick liquor. You can get my big old dick out of the way. the laser officer. You can get my big old dick out of the way. I was swerving. It's because this big old dick keeps getting in the way of the steering wheel.

It's just slither enough. I thought it was flying plane for a second. Pitching yaw. It's time for my second pick. Shaving a haircut is fantastic. So good. Yeah, I love it. I'm going to go a little more esoteric and maybe this one's more of a personal choice thing for me I'm taking tuna

salad and tuna salad's only weakness celery get it out of there man I'm with you I'm with you on that I don't like it in there either I'm eating tuna I'm having a great time. Maybe there's some pickle in there.

Oh, did they add a little deli mustard in this too, in addition to the mayonnaise? What a delight. And then my teeth crunch into something, and I'm greeted by the generally unpleasant flavor of celery. I hate it. So it's the flavor. It's not the crunch.

No, I like crunch. I like a pickle crunch. But the flavor of celery in a tuna salad? I'm not happy. I'm not having a good time. I like a pickle crunch. But the flavor of celery in a tuna salad? I'm not happy. I'm not having a good time. I would have rather had a chicken salad. Provided it didn't have fucking celery in it either. See, now, I wouldn't really know because I don't fuck with these vegetable things.

But celery has a taste, right? It's got like a big taste. It's got a big taste. Yeah, it's got a flavor to it. The only time I mess with it is when that taste is wasted by blue cheese and ranch. I mean, there's no... And buffalo sauce. You never ate ants on a log when you were a kid?

Oh, yeah. With the peanut butter? I don't like raisins. Oh, that's right. That's too close to fruit. I like fruit. Raisin is too close to a vegetable. It's like they took fruit and wrecked it and made it...

They vegevied it. A raisin is a sweeter grape. vegetable. It's like they took fruit and wrecked it and made it. They vegified it. A raisin is a sweeter grape. It has nothing to do with vegetables. It's just not. It's not juicy. Vegetables pop a little bit. Or fruits pop a little bit. Vegetables are disgusting.

Where are you on tomatoes? Come on. You know where he's at. Bottom of the toilet. Come on, man. Where's he at on tomatoes? Where am I at on the toilet plate? Where's he at on tomatoes? Where am I at on the toilet plant? Where's he at on

the vegify and the youth in general? All these shit seeds in the toilet plant? No thanks. There's no vegetables that are similar to raisins. Well, that's why they're their own gross vegetable, bud.

Listen, man. I don't need to justify it to you. Sean, I was with you. I understood. This one I am a little mystified by. vegetable bud listen i need to justify it to you sean i was i was with you i understood this one i am a little mystified by i just don't like raisins for whatever reason i don't think it's a vegetable thing and i like celery but i don't like it in a salad i don't want it i kind of only want celery on its own or dipped in the blue cheese or in an ants on the log situation. If I hate it when it's in like a soup, I don't like it.

Oh, celery and soup is bad. It's bad. It's just like an unwelcome flavor. And I understand it's like part of like, it's in stock. Like if you use it to make a stock, I think that's fine.

Cause I guess that flavor is additive or whatever, but I just don't want to hang it out in any of my, in my foods. And if I go to a place and get a tuna salad sandwich, it just ruins it. So I find that to be tuna salad's only weakness. And I vote. I know you do. No one's asking for who, so I wouldn't worry about

that. He's a single-issue voter, and it's no celery and tuna salad. One issue voter. Two-issue voter. The other one, if I can get back up on my fucking... No, you know what? I'll get to it later. I'll get to it later. David. David. Time for your second

pick. My second pick. Another guy. This is another guy, man, who really had it. He could do it all. We loved him. Critically acclaimed. But there was one little piece of the puzzle missing. I'm taking Nas and Beats.

Oh, my God, dude. Yes. Yep. There was one huge piece of the puzzle missing. I mean, but he was good enough that you didn't get mad. You don't get that mad at it. But yeah, a lot of mediocre to poor beat selection. Yeah.

Wow. This is an incredible choice. I almost don't want to say this yet, but you're pitching a perfect game so far. Hey, come on. Don't get in my head. Why did you? Yeah. I didn't even think about this. I didn't even think about this.

I didn't even think about this. But this is, he's like one of the greatest lyricists of all time. And when he gets on a good beat, it is a classic song that doesn't get old. Exactly. New York State of Mind, you'll still listen to it right now. Even if I ruled the world, not not a great beat but i'll still want to listen to it great song amazing song lauren hill helps tremendously on that song but yeah i still yep shout out to kareem campbell and trilogy that's his song he skates too anyway

for all the skateboarders out there but yeah yeah i'm with you he even like later on like his it is like kind of later albums you start I feel like he starts to get... The newer ones are much better. I think so, too. That's what I was going to say. I get the feeling from him for a while he seemed sort of bored with rap, and I think maybe that led into it, where he was just not that excited about it in general.

You know what I mean? So I think that there was a while for that, but I don't really know. Like he was just trying to play on hard? Yeah, or I think he was just like, you know, I can rap underwater. It's like doing Bad Rooms, where you're like, yeah, man, I'll fucking perform

at the fucking tractor supply store opening because I can. But it's like but you know you should be doing theaters when you're when you're naz you it's like somebody just hits him with beats right and then he ultimately chooses or is it like a production thing is there a team being like this would sound good with this song or like that this goes with the vibe of those lyrics i have to imagine like the best producers are bringing him beats and playing them for him. And then he's like figuring out what he responds to.

Right. Right. Or people are sending him beats. From my limited knowledge. Yeah, that's how it goes. Yeah. I imagine there's sometimes where people like kind of push beats or like someone gets pushed on you. But I bet when you're at that level, you get to kind of be like, no, I'm not going to work with this guy. Some sort of industry darling

beat that they're just pushing on Nas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, how is this beat getting booked on every album? He's got a Netflix special. That would be an interesting thing. Give a bunch of famous rappers the same beat and just see

what song shakes out to be the best. That'd be fun. Oh, yeah. How is that? I think that's what the music industry is. Well, but have them all release their song. Everybody gets the big pimpin' beat and just see. Well, because you hear stories about somebody has a beat and they send it to somebody and they get on it

and then they want it to air. You know what I mean? The big pimpin' beat is kind of a perfect example of that to begin with. There's this great interview with Bun B in The Believer where he was just like, I listened to the other verses and I wanted to be better than them. Like I wanted to be better than Jay-Z. And so I just wrote like twice as hard and every rhyme he rhymed, I rhymed two rhymes.

It gets me so hyped reading that interview, which is like deeply embarrassing and illustrative of my character. No, don't be mad. Oops, you're bad. That's your scenario. Pimp C didn't even want to do that song. Why? I guess he wasn't into it. That's a wild thing.

He's a pretty particular guy, Pimp C. I don't know if you guys noticed. He also has such an amazing verse In that song though The song is great but it does sound If you just heard the beat it does sound like the circus is in town You know what I mean it's a very silly It sounds crazy I think that's the beauty of Timberland though

When you take everything away you're like This is he's doing a lot There's a video of Jay Z With Timberland and it's like Is it the dirt off your shoulders beat? I'm pretty sure. Timberland's drinking that jug of like pink or whatever. And he's just going like.

Jug of pink? It's like pink juice, isn't it? Isn't it like, it's like a jug of pink juice or something. You said it like that was a term that we would be familiar with. Sipping on a jug of pink. I'm trying to start terms out here. It just means he was drinking a certain kind of coffee. Sipping on a jug of that pink. He was sipping on a jug of pink. I'm trying to start terms out here. It just means he was drinking a certain kind of coffee.

Sipping on a jug of that pink. He was sipping on a jug of pink. That's what I'm going to do. Let me get a jug of pink and just see what... I bring you a strawberry milkshake. I did say it. I said it with a little too much gusto. I'll tell you what.

Straight amoxicillin. Yeah. So it's a real toss of the dice, whatever's coming out of that kitchen. Jug of bacon's like, no, that's Pepto-Bismol and cough syrup. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's Pepto-Bismol and Jager, which is what Sean has sort of switched to.

Yeah, yeah. He doesn't do the other when you're doing that. They both render each other useless. I'm taking care of my night and my morning. Just a jug of that pank for me. I've got my daughter in the morning. A whole jug will do me just fine.

I'll be flying high by the night. Three X's on the front. Yeah. How do they do that? After I drink it all, I play Big Pimpin' on it. How do they do that? After I drink it all, I play Big Pimpin' on it. The Timbaland beats, there's always something rattling around in the background.

You're like, stop spray painting. We're trying to record. Yeah, there's something that sounds like a ply buzzing. There's a baby cooing. That baby cooing, that was a ply buzzing. Yeah. There's a baby cooing. Yeah. That baby cooing. That was a big swing. Yeah. Oh, man.

Timbaland beats sometimes are stressful. Like, I was listening to that Is That Your Chick song the other day. Oh, yeah. And I was like, this beat is really good, but it stresses me out. There's a lot going on.

For a second, sonically, and maybe I'm getting over my skis here, but if second sonically, it takes you into over my skis here but if second sonically it takes you into like like a beautiful like where you're like you understand how like asperger's math geniuses brains must feel you know what i mean when it clicks in you're like so many things are happening at once and somehow it all makes sense like it's like a beautiful mind like uh math equations but with like music with music yeah Like I feel like that's how his brain must work with music.

It's so insane the way that all fits together. Like if you take that baby cooing out of there, he's like, no, it sounds like poop in my ears. It doesn't work. Baby cooing in there.

Timberland, did you record this beat in an open air market in Turkey? Yeah, I did. You did? Cappadocia. Cappadonna. Josh, time for your second and third picks

okay these, there's some I've got a few but they feel kindred to some that have already come up so I don't want to be duplicative so I'm going to go with, I can't believe this is still on the board, this is the the ultimate weakness, this is the

weakness that's a metaphor for every other weakness. I have to, at the beginning of round three, right? Or no, the end of round two, I've got to go Superman and Kryptonite. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it's a value pick. Best positional talent on the board.

It's the only thing. So wild. Really wild. It also begs the question, if I go crazy, will you still call me Superman? Yeah, there's nothing about Superman that says he has

to be neurotypical. Not at all. Even you alluding to a Three Doors Down song, I want to, can I join the army like right now? That's the band that makes you want to join the army. Dude, they're in all the army commercials. They're in all the army commercials.

Oh, really? Yeah. Man, I guess I haven't been watching commercials. Go to army.com and use offer code allfantasy at checkout. Three years off your first enlistment.

You get a discount on joining the army. It's actually a pretty good deal. Yeah, it's actually pretty good. Josh, you know. Sorry, it's actually pretty good. Josh. Sorry, I shouldn't shit on the sponsors. Tori, we had a house and it was on, I was going to say we had a house

and it was on the street, but my buddy lived three houses down and so we kept calling him, even though we moved out long before he ever even lived there or vice versa, we always called his house three doors down and to this day, we still call that house three doors down.

And he still doesn't like it. It's still dank. I'm like, yeah, I remember three doors down. He's like, it wasn't. I lived there before you. Yeah, it was three doors down. He owes the bank 200 grand on a thing you guys call three doors down. This is my life's work.

He's 200 grand down. I wish I was three doors down. Doors like 200 bucks. Doors are expensive. They're more expensive than you think they're going to be. We bought a door. I was thinking 50 bucks. You know what song by Three Doors Down kind of rips, actually?

I'm here without you, baby. Oh, yeah. You're still on my trouble. I can't think of the Army song. There's like an aggressive Army enlistment song. It's the other one. It's still on my trouble. I can't think of the Army song. There's like an aggressive Army enlistment song. It's the other one. It's like the third one. The third door down. The third door. Which door are you going to open?

Behind door number third. The third door down is civil service. Yeah, that's the Army recruiting office. I googled them. I still don't know what song it is. It could be When I'm Gone.

It could be It's Not My Time. It could be Be Like That. It could be Let Me Go. All those songs sound the same in my head.

Yeah. It's like in a movie where there's a band and you're like, we need like fake songs for the CD that we show in one scene. Exactly.

Do they have a song called Fighting a Gigantic Lava Man with a Sword? They did it. They made it. They're extremely successful. I think I froze for a second and I want to apologize.

My internet. Oh, shit. Yeah. I'm back. You're good. Yeah, what'd you say? What was the remark that confused everybody? Did you hear me say giant lava man with a sword or no?

Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, now I understand. I heard with a sword. Yeah. I remember giant lava man with a sword. Remember that army commercial where he was like fighting a giant? Yeah.

Oh, I thought that was the Marines, right? That was the Marines. Oh, okay. The few, the proud, the Marines. They don't still give them that little sword, do they? If you join the Marines, you fucking better. Honorable mention for this podcast, Giant Lava Man's greatest weakness,

sword. Sword. Sword. I'll go kill the whole village. There's not a sword there, is there? It doesn't matter. I'm still going to do it, but does like anybody have a sword I just like to have the most information before I go into a

situation sword it's not a sword allergy but I do have a sword intolerance yeah if there's a sword around I'll break out in little fire hives so I just I need to know if there's a sword I just want to I'll take a Benadryl before and I'm fine like I'm fine but I just do need to know I know this says sword. I just want to, I'll take a Benadryl before and I'm fine.

Like I'm fine. I know this says sword free, but is it, is it smelted on the same forge as swords? Yeah. Damn. Deep baby. Uh, kryptonite. I mean, I remember the first comic book. Uh, I remember when like Superman got killed.

Who was it by chaos or what was the guy's name? It was by Our Lady Peace Because he was made out of kryptonite Thank you David For being the only one to acknowledge my other stupid 90s rock joke I didn't hear it, what was it? Oh it's a movie, he was killed by Our Lady Peace I think Live killed him That's Godsmack dude

Hey they're doing the best they ever did They're doing the best they can Are Godsmack still out here? Their original name was going to be SheSlep So I changed it to Godsmack Wait really? I don't know if you're joking or not No I'm just doing God's a woman stuff

Well that's a much different connotation Than that band of all dudes Godsmack's not all dudes It would be an insane name It would be so funny if the guys from Godsmack Were hardcore female pronouns For God guys It was Dishwalla right?

The plant of the seed Oh yeah cause I really like to meet her I like to meet her That was in 6th grade Tell me all your thoughts on God I really like to meet her. I like to meet her. Wait, that's not Godsmack. That was in sixth grade. That's Deshwalla, right? That was Deshwalla. Yeah. Tell me all your thoughts on God. I think I remember the Godsmack lead singer's first name,

and I haven't thought about this since the 90s. I know it for sure. So if you say it, I can tell if you're right. Is it Sully Erna? It is Sully Erna. Whoa. Yeah. We're out here.

Yeah. They're from Boston, right? They're from, yeah, from like Lawrence, Mass mass like merrimack valley up by new hampshire are they the i'm not the one who's so far away yeah hell yeah i was big in the god smack me and my my older brother would like fucking blast the smack dude my friend i i just get a bunch of blow before you listen to Godsmack? Yakking and smacking. Yakking and smacking, dude. Yakking and smacking, kid.

My friend Joe knocked Sully Erna out of a poker tournament at Foxwoods Resort and Casino one time and had to like physically restrain himself from being like, now go away. Fully not my story, but he doesn't do podcasts.

So I tell it all the time. I don't think Sully would have taken that too well. I don't think so. You would have gotten a God smack to the face. And she is very strong. So it would have hurt. God diss smack. Every now and then

I steal Sean's bit. Josh, your third pick. Okay. We're going to stick with kind of not fondly remembered 90s early aughts alt rock. I'm going to go with lit. Their worst enemy,

the band Lit. Self-sabotage. Oh! This pick should not have come as a surprise to me, and yet it did. Lit was the... What was their song? What was the big... It's no surprise to me.

I am my own worst enemy. Self-sabotage, baby. That's a big weakness. Because every now and then I kick the living shit out of me. Yep. Smoke alarm is going off and there's a cigarette still burning. Yeah. It's the one thing you lose with doing podcasts.

Being able to sing in synchronicity. Specifically songs by Lit. Being able to sing in synchronicity. Specifically songs by Lit. And I say songs plural because we do know and celebrate dozens of Lit songs. This song is true, though. I mean, especially in those years, the stuff they're describing, you are your own worst enemy. You're drinking.

You know what I mean? Like you're leaving a cigarette burning while you're passed out. Sleeping with your clothes on. I've passed out. Sleeping with your clothes on. I've been there. Sleeping with my clothes on. Staring through the window last night. Was he staring at something like in the window, like into someone? Or was he like, I came through the window. I came in through the window.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Cause he's drunk. I'm coming through a window. I understand. I have done that. Yeah.

Yep. Sleeping in my clothes. I hate when I do that to me. Oh, it's the worst. Like fuck, fuck whoever kept my clothes i hate when i do that to me oh it's the worst like fuck fuck whoever kept my clothes on when i went to bed i remember one time specifically we all went to korean barbecue and we came back we had plans we had aspirations of going out uh i'm pretty sure it was it was at the fortress david i'm sure you were there nampe was there and we all went back to the house and i was like god i hope we hope we don't do anything. And it seemed like everybody was ready to go to sleep.

So I just went in my room and with my clothes on and covered up, like almost put the blankets over my head. Like, they won't see me if the blankets are over my head. And yeah, I slept in my clothes till the next morning and I was like, hell yes. You did like the reverse of putting a pillow there and then sneaking out the window. Yeah.

You put your body there and then hit it. Yeah. I remember it so well where I was like, oh man, we're talking about doing all this stuff tonight. It was probably nine o'clock. We were packed to the gills with Korean barbecue. Still pretty tore up too,

but it's like. Bulgogi up to here. No room for anything else. And nobody wanted, nobody wanted to look around and be like, why don't we just stay in? We're all like, too, but it's like... Bulgogi up to here, no room for anything else. And nobody wanted to look around and be like, why don't we just stay in? We're all like, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh, let's do more. Yeah, we'll go out.

We'll go out. We'd also drank at Korean barbecue, so it's not like we didn't have an entire evening. And before. It was back when I wasn't ready to let the night go at 9 o'clock, when I thought, that can't happen. It's like you're leaving money on the table if you go to stay in at nine. Now I mostly go to bed at nine.

That's nice. It's amazing. Getting back into stand-up has put a damper on that, but for a while I had a good streak going. I know. Isn't it funny when you're out doing it like three, four times a week again, you're like, well, now it's more. So the nights that you're not doing it, you're still up you're like it's hard to go to bed again what's going on yeah i feel yeah it's been it's been happening like we don't go to bed at the same time anymore and we were for two solid years we were anyway nobody has the two no we have the two at home

yeah the different bedtime that's why we've we've gotten to it here too it's not bad it's not bad i No, it isn't. You gotta figure out how to get in without waking the person up. That's the hard part. Normally, I go in, I play the trumpet pretty loud until I'm late. You wear the Dick Van Dyke one-man band outfit when you're at home, right? You're recording a bunch of beats to pitch to Timbaland.

You get on the 4th of July, just throw them. I like to light my way with one of those, like... No, go ahead. Oh, I was going to say, I was in Detroit. You just reminded me. I was in Detroit this weekend, and there were the Tigers lost on Friday night. And I was, like, eating dinner after the show,

like, two blocks from the stadium. And they do Friday night fireworks, win or lose. And the fireworks went on for so long it felt sarcastic. Like, oh, good job, you sons of guns. Like, real nice try. Cecil Field is not coming back, is he? It truly

was like a 15 to 20 minute fireworks display on just a Friday night. Like the players are driving home already and the fireworks are still going off. I'm like, we did not win. We did not win. It was like the fireworks guy lit them all and then was like, I get a thing later.

My friend's having a party across town. I'm going to scoot. I'll clean up in the morning. Lit. Excellent. He lit those fireworks. David, time for your third pick. My third pick,

I did want to take one from the world of superheroes just because of course that's going to come up. I think this one is a great metaphor. I'm taking Wonder Woman and her own lasso of truth. Tough, right? It's a tough one.

It's like, oh man, ultimately it was you who was your own undoing. Like Lit? That's what Lit's talking about. Yeah. She is her own worst enemy. Every now and then, I lasted the living shit out of me. We're really mirror pics of each other, I think.

David, I feel like we're on such a good wavelength for this podcast. Yeah, this is good. This feels healthy. Twin flames. Twin flames. Does she accidentally... I'm not super familiar with Wonder Woman. Does she get like wrapped up in her own rope?

She gets caught up because it's rope She gets caught up in it sometimes Oh no Yeah then tells it on herself Which is you know damn Who hasn't been there That's her weapon But she's also like just as powerful As like Superman

They have the same powers you know so it's wild that she The lasso of truth It was like given to her by a goddess, right? From Aphrodite or something like that? She doesn't quite have the same powers as Superman. I mean, pretty much.

She can't fly. Wonder Woman can't fly? She has a jet, right? An invisible jet. Which is just as good, I feel like. She's like an Amazon. She's got more energy when she lands, is all that means. It's bad for the environment. Oh my god, it's insane.

It's invisible, but it's huge. Also, Wonder Woman's doing all these plastic straw commercials. You see the billboards, and it's like, you fly around in that invisible jet. Also, where was the gold for that lasso mine? I would love to see

the sourcing papers. That's child labor for sure. Definitely child labor. She has the same kids that Nestle uses. Yeah, it's really bad. The takeaway here is that Ian hates female superheroes. No, no, no, because I love Scarlet Witch. He's manslaying

Wonder Woman. I'm manslayaining Wonder Woman to everybody out there. I don't think she can fly though. No. Yeah. She's got the smash, her wrist. She can smash her wrist together and create like a crazy Sonic boom. Um,

does she have laser eyes? Maybe I'm completely off. Maybe she doesn't have anything the same as Superman. I think you're thinking of a Linda Hamilton. Yeah. Stealing a joke from the Simpsons. anything the same as Superman. I think you're thinking of a Linda Hamilton. Yeah. Stealing a joke from the Simpsons. Xena can't fly. I told you I'm Lucy Lawless.

Oh, it's so funny. Uh, Wonder Woman and her own lasso of truth. That's tough. Cause if you live by, if you live by that honesty policy, eventually you're going to get,

you're going to get bit by it too. That's tough. I if you live by, if you live by that honesty policy, eventually you're going to get, you're going to get bit by it too. That's tough. I try to say, yeah, that would be tough to get tied up your own lasso. And then they start asking you questions. Yeah. Shit.

It works really well. You ever think that where you're like, if you got to go get, I don't know, like, I just think like my wisdom teeth or something, if I get them out and then you're like the ride home, you know,

you need a ride home. You're like, why? So they can ask me deep shit and I can't say anything. Like I have to tell the truth. It just feels good. People always do that when they're on anesthesia. They just tell some stuff.

I just don't want to say. Wait, some thoughts that I want to keep up here. All right. You know, Sean's greatest weakness. Yeah. Anesthesia,

baby. Uh, time for my third pick. I'm going to take Kyrie Irving and his greatest weakness just asking questions just being a little Kyrie curious doing a second search yes one of the most

entertaining basketball players on the court of like of all time he's so much fun to watch he's so good he i feel like he was pretty universally beloved and then he just started asking questions like and a lot of those questions are valid but he also can't stop himself from doing it and sometimes he asks the wrong questions too yeah he'll ask all the questions he'll ask all the questions and i think like i like this may might be personally for me i'm like i would absolutely love this guy if he wasn't just sometimes asking some questions ian question for you specifically no this is real is he is he the anti-Semite you most would like back?

Does that make sense? Kanye West. I would take... I think for me it's probably Kanye too. Ten Kyries for a Kanye. Or Hitler. Mel Gibson, not even top three. Not even.

No, no, no, no. Roald Dahl over Mel Gibson. Yeah, I'll take Roald Dahl ten times. Henry Ford over Mel Gibson. I use Roald Dahl more, Henry Ford more. It probably goes Kanye, Henry Ford more it probably goes Kanye Henry Ford rolled all Lenny Riefenstahl

you gotta separate the art from the artist with Riefenstahl Triumph of the Will is a well shot picture the woman had an eye for detail like with Kanye I think he's mentally ill I don't think Kyrie Irving is mentally ill I just think Kyrie super

doesn't like being told what to do yeah by anybody which is understandable yeah but yeah to me that is his greatest weakness Sean Jordan time for your third and your fourth place he can ollie on a skateboard too he's amazing he's so cool.

He has the best sneakers. Got the whole world in front of you. I still like him on balance. I still like him. I also don't think he meant that post anti-Sematically, but then people started telling him that was anti-Semitic. And I think he was just a little bit like, well, I'm not going to apologize for it at all.

You can't tell me what's anti-Semitic. Like, eyebrow like that kind of yeah and it's i think that's where the problem is because it's like that's not true people can't tell you what's anti-semitic yeah that is maybe one of the few things you should listen to you shouldn't listen to nike on their sneaker contracts yeah maybe maybe listen to you know your coach sometimes too but those are the only two yep kairi irving agreed uh sean sorry my third and fourth yeah that's right uh third i'm going i'm torn they're both in the same world i just don't know which i which one i like more okay we'll go a little more like existential i guess so this person there's nothing there was no. Nothing could get to them. And the one thing that got to them was the good, the good in him. I'm picking Darth Vader.

His only weakness was the good in him. Ultimately proved to not be a weakness, but that was the only thing that was there that was messing him up was just deep down. He couldn't be that hard ass that he wanted to. There was a little bit of good in him. That's right. Ended up getting him. Just a little bit of hard. For the better. But like the whole, there was nothing that could get to. There was a little bit of good in him. That's right. Ended up getting him. Just a little bit of heart.

For the better. But like the whole, there was nothing that could get to him. Like nothing. Nothing at all. Like you watch, especially when you go through

and you watch like Rogue One and stuff, they give you like some earlier. You're like, damn, dude, it was gnarly. He did not give a shit. And it was just that little bit of good in him, you know?

Yeah. He was tough, Darth Vader. Yeah. Yeah. Bringing it down. It's not all hilarious Imagine If like

We had a president That had to wear a suit Like that Dude It'd be so sick If someone in position of power Had to do that I wonder if it'd be

I'd probably Be terrifying Like if there was a If the next president Just decides to dress Like Darth Vader It'd be funny for 10 minutes And then I'd be funny for 10 minutes.

And then I'd be like, that's pretty scary. Do you think he made the stormtroopers dress like that all the time? Like even when they were just walking around like the Death Star? Because he's like, he doesn't want it to be weird that he's wearing like a full body armor helmet kind of thing. So he's like, and all the troops, of course. Yeah. Regardless of whether. It's an intimidating thing we do as a group. It scary and that's why we all do it it's not because any of us fell in a volcano while we were fighting art well because some of them like the upper brass

they're just in normal clothes you know kind of military looking garb but it would but like imagine it's like it's like donald trump or it's not even it's like joe biden and then there's like Donald Trump or it's not even, it's like Joe Biden. And then there's like Cornel West and then Donald Trump in like a full Darth Vader outfit. And they're like, President Trump, if you're reelected. And he's just like. People are like, we love that guy. Your lack of faith is disturbing. Or anyone. It doesn't have to be

I'm not like doing that thing of like Donald Trump's like the empire But I mean like whoever it is If like Bernie Sanders was like wearing a Darth Vader outfit At a debate It would be so funny If we can't let him get this old Eventually one of them will need a full time breathing apparatus

To participate in the debates Yeah dude Any three of my picks so far this old, eventually one of them will need a full-time breathing apparatus to participate in the debates. Any three of my picks so far, if any position of power dressed like them, Predator, Roger Rabbit, or Darth Vader, I'd be pretty freaked out. I'm making light, but space apnea is no joke. No, it's not at all.

I'd get the next president dressed like Predator. It would be fucking terrifying. I think George W. Bush dressed like Roger Rabbit sometimes. Pull it off. Yeah. At one of those themed college parties or something. Yeah, you know he did.

So yes, the good in him for Darth Vader. Good. Excellent pick. I'll get off the villain tip. I'm going to go Marty McFly and being called a chicken. Oh, that's a good one.

That's good. Big like just that I don't really I think maybe getting spit on. I've only been spit on once, but I don't think there's anything short of that that someone could do to me that would be like

I'm willing to get myself in any situation. You've been spit on more than once don't think there's anything short of that that someone could do to me that would be like i'm willing to get myself in any situation you've been spit on more than once every time you fell asleep first on the tour dave and i took turns it was weird i didn't fall asleep once i passed out every night but we both knew to do it uh yeah i don't think there's yeah there's not much that somebody could just like one thing somebody could say but yeah any marty mcfly anytime what are you chicken and he's just like well now i gotta do that thing i gotta get in there yep other than that dude had it pretty together navigated time travel pretty well for a teenager i mean lived by a code yeah

that code was being called a chicken i also like the biff biff like the bully of bullies uh ready to do the most horrible things you could do to a person and back to the future only could think to call him a chicken that was the big like what are you chicken dude yeah biff bro what did i say between this and the sexual assault i've got about this much patience left with you you're skating on thin ice, bud. One more thing. Sexual assault, consummate chicken. One more thing. I'm not going to write a letter to a judge asking for him to sentence you more leniently.

Not at all. I will not do it. What were they thinking? Unbelievable. Unbelievable, uncle. I felt like, when I first heard about it, I was like, oh, so they wrote these letters before the trial. Maybe their friend told them he didn't, oh, so they wrote these letters before the trial. Maybe their friend told them he didn't do it.

So they wrote these letters after he was found guilty. It happened. After he was found guilty. What are we talking about? Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis wrote letters. They wrote letters on Danny Masterson's behalf. After he was found guilty. After he was convicted. Yeah.

They wrote letters to the judge that were like, please, Hammer, don't hurt him. They were like, don't sentence him too harshly. And then they had to make a video apologizing. For the letters they wrote asking for leniency? And their apology was like, we didn't realize you were going to see this. Sorry, we didn't know we were going to get caught. I mean, deep down, that's everyone's apology. Let's be honest.

Every apology. They were like, I didn't know I was going to get caught. Definitely for financial crimes. Yeah. I didn't know that. Sanity to it where it's just like, Hey, you think that a judge is going to be swayed by Ashton Kutcher's letter where you're like, Oh, okay. Well, if anything, that didn't, that hurt anything.

The judge is like 40 to life now. Yeah. I can't believe the apology. It wasn't like, ah, you got punked. We didn't really write those letters. Yeah, we want you in there, bud. We want you in there, bud.

That's wild. No, I didn't know that. Really wild. Yes, being called a chicken to Marty McFly seems to me his real only weakness. Excellent pick. He's probably had diarrhea, but yeah, mainly being close, but he rose above it and never let it stop him.

Yeah. Uh, I'm going to take Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriends and turning 25 years old. I thought about dude. Yep. Yep. It's what a crazy, he doesn't seem to give one rip about being criticized for that. No, he doesn't seem to give one rip about being

criticized for that. No, he doesn't. It's not. Not only does he not seem to, it seemed, I don't think he does. I don't think he cares. I don't think he gives a shit. No, I think he's just right on the end where he's like, it's not, he's still working.

I mean, it's like, yeah, he's, he's just fine. It's, it's just a, it's a, it's a hilarious's still working i mean it's it's like yeah he's just fine it's it's just a it's a it's a hilarious thing to watch happen where he's just like yep still doing it there's something in a in a weird roundabout way of it that's kind of elevated where it's like i'm informing you you know what the situation is going to be right up top you're entering into the situation and you get to date a movie star for a while. It's all on the table. When you turn 25, this is over.

It's like a master's degree. You're entering into the situation knowing that. If Susan Sarandon wanted to take me down that road, I'd say, where's shotgun? She's like, Sean, as soon as you turn 46. Susan Sarandon is just dating a string of men in their early to mid 40s.

I'm going to have to cut you off and find a different 41-year-old. Yeah. I just like what they got better. All right. It's just the thing about men that I'm attracted to. Oh, no, don't turn 46. You're so sexy. No.

Your credit score is just two points too low for me. I need a 41-year-old. It's these women's greatest weakness. Otherwise, they're beautiful, intelligent, successful, and then unfortunately, they can't help themselves. They just have to turn 25. Well, my,

my theory is this. If, um, if this is how Leonardo DiCaprio is going to do it, if he's going to be up front about this, I think any woman under 25 should get to date Leonardo DiCaprio for a short period of time, like a couple of weeks.

We should nationalize Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. You should, there should at least be a national lottery. It's like military service in other countries. Oh, you got to go to Nardo for a week.

David, time for your fourth pick. My fourth pick, this one is very personal. And let me know because I could see how this one isn't, is possibly not. I'm saying the Denver Nuggets and the Los Angeles Lakers in the Western Conference Finals. But you overcame it. Yeah. Sometimes you can overcome your greatest.

That's true. That's beautiful. That's so beautiful. For modern era, it was like 2009. I thought we had it and we lost it to Kobe. And then 2020, I thought we had it. We lost it to LeBron and AD. And then I was like, this last year, I was like, man, if we just beat the Lakers, you know what I mean?

And we fucking swept. Are you kidding me? That's the ultimate triumph. I mean, you know I'm not going to get in the way of a basketball pick. I think this fucking plays absolutely. To hate on the Lakers? Yeah. This is close. That's the ultimate triumph. I mean, you know I'm not going to get in the way of a basketball pick. I think this fucking plays absolutely. To hate on the Lakers? Yeah.

This is great. Fucking pieces of shit. I love a bouncing on the handlebars pick. It's the favorite kind of pick. Every time I thought we were going to make it, in modern history, you know what I mean? It was the Lakers. And it looked like we were poised to possibly. And then to end it with a sweep?

Come on, man. Come on, man. How Fun being a Laker fan. I don't sour grapes. This is full sour grapes. Oh, 100%. That's why you don't like the Lakers. You're from LA. Like, of course, I get it. I know, but like, this is like go on, please.

I was just going to say, I don't know if you have this thing living in LA because you probably have more friends that have done this. But when you see like a big time celebrity that moves to LA and is like, I love the Lakers now. It's like, yeah. Oh, I get so about it. I hate it. You can go to a game without wearing Lakers.

You can just go sit courtside and be famous. You don't need to have a jersey on. Do you feel like that happens with the Dodgers more? I feel like people are very quick to co-op the Dodgers. The Dodgers looks... The hat... A blue LA hat is so sick looking to me, though. I almost got one when

I was there. It's just a rad-ass hat, I think. It is a good hat. Yeah, it's great. And people don't like... There's not such a tumultuous relationship with the Dodgers, right, as there is with the Lakers. People don't hate the Dodgers, do they? there is with the Lakers. Like people don't hate the Dodgers. Do they? I always thought it was the same thing.

I feel differently about it, but maybe that's because you're a baseball, you're an American league, national league where, you know what I mean? So it's like, they weren't constant rivals. And you lived in San Francisco,

David, where there couldn't be a stronger base of. That's a good point as well. That's a good point as well. That's another icy hat too, or the Giants. God, that's a cool looking hat. We didn't have a baseball team in Portland. So I like, I bought a Dodgers hat. I don't follow them at all.

I would never call myself a fan, but like I do wear the hat when I go to games. I had a Brooklyn Dodgers hat for a while. Oh yeah. And that's a fun, that's a fun hat. That's a compulsory Jew accessory. This is exactly right. Celebrating our heyday in baseball.

One guy. When Brooklyn had a baseball team. And also, he played in LA for like a bunch of that, too. Didn't he, Sandy? Sandy Koufax. Who, Sandy Koufax?

Yeah. Yeah, you know Sandy Koufax. No, the other big Jewish athlete. Brad Ausmus? Who's the kid right now? The kid in the D-League? Have you guys not watched that D-League documentary? Oh, there is the guy

with the yarmulke in the D-League. Yeah, he's fun. We have Mitchell Schwartz, an offensive lineman for the Kansas City Chiefs. And that might be it. They're mostly baseball guys. It's mostly baseball. Baseball and some offensive be it. We've had it. They're mostly baseball guys. We've had a few baseball guys.

Baseball and some offensive linemen. Just the big like. Ryan Terrell. Oh, Ryan Terrell. Ryan Terrell? Basketball player. I don't mean to sound crude, but if you told me the name Brian Terrell,

I would have been like, that's not a Jewish guy. Not at all. That was my first thought, too. He wears a kippah. Damn. Does he know it's a Jewish thing? He went to like a Jewish college, I think.

Yeah, something like that. I mean, it would be amazing if he went. Because there was a kid that went to Maryland a few years ago, and that's about as powerhouse a program in college basketball as you get and still work. There's nobody at Duke. Keep it up.

Absolutely not. Yeah, Ryan Terrell. Oh, he doesn't look. He looks. I'm not saying anything. I'm not trying to get all self-loathing here, but he is so blonde. Or is he dying it? I mean he's from California baby he looks like a drawing of Jesus

where you wouldn't feel comfortable in that church but God bless him Adonai bless him L'chaim and Mazzel tov where are we at uh oh josh it's time for your fourth and then your final picks already for god's sake wow okay jeez i'm there's been so many good picks i I'm going to have to go. All four of mine. This has been a master class.

This is an incredible draft across the board. I'm going to go. So this is, it's too good to leave on the table. You had Ariana Grande, weird looking men. Yeah. I'm going to go Salt-N-Pepa, men. Just straight across the board. Girls, what's my weakness?

Men. Who are you talking to? Was that this show or last show where I said I was going to sing it for karaoke? That was this one, right? I didn't hear it. No, it was from the last one. Yeah. We talked about it last episode. An hour ago to me.

I think so often about how if I was hanging out with all my friends and I was like, hey, what's my weakness? And they all shouted the same thing in unison. I would be like, delete the recording. Hubris! Oh, okay, then. God's what's my weakness? Hubris! Once somebody loves you back, you question their taste because you don't love yourself.

And that makes you like them less. And you don't think you're worthy of love. And you have to work on, you have to love yourself. And it's like, you all talked, did you talk about this before? And like, no. Also, it's very annoying when you talk over people in casual conversation. It's kind of a smell in your house. You don't notice it because you live there.

You're saying what's my weakness implies that there's one. And if we're going to have this conversation, we should have this conversation. Honestly, me and Jake were talking about this on the ride over. There's a lot of stuff you could work on. Spinderella, do you want to stop the track?

We really need to. We've actually been meaning to bring up your biggest weakness to you. This is an intervention. That's terrifying to think about. I think about it so much. It's like, and she just takes it in stride yeah okay then okay then

just as a whole verse about it yeah okay let's get into it I was prepared for this mind my business you'll salt I looked around and I couldn't believe this I swear I'll stand my niece my witness the brother had a going on what's up and got a I could do the whole thing.

Tried to kick it. I'm not shy, so I asked for the digits. I don't know. Oh, no, now I'm on the spot. I hope you do the voodoo that you do. Hmm? I don't know. I didn't do that yet.

The voodoo that you do. She's really into Sully from Godsmack. Yeah. So, well, this is. Shoot, shoot, shoot. What's my weakness? They could be Godsmack. Yeah. Yeah. shoot shoot shoot what's my weakness he got together yeah yeah

why didn't how come that little mashup never happened at the Grammys Salt-N-Pepa and Godsmack I don't know how you do that that you do an excellent fourth pick and we're gonna give you

your fifth pick right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by schedule 35 now microdosing is an absolute game changer i have never heard a bad word about it and like we said this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of

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you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care routines, some stuff that's non-negotiable, you know, you, some stuff like you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip, you know, leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that, like those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking.

I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time. Get it like I keep saying.

Get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself. You just have to prioritize it. It happens. You can talk to someone, get a new set of ears on it, and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything. And if you're thinking of starting, go on and get better help with Trey. Give it a shot. It helps for learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things that are extremely important. It's all online.

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to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash all fantasy and we're back welcome back to all welcome back to all fantasy everything we got collars on the line here Sean S. Jordan on Twitter Sean Cougar Mill Jordan on Instagram

what can the Yankees do to fix the hole that they're in right now what's going on I can tell them in Omaha November 16th if the Yankees if the Yankees want to bring it into Omaha I'll let them know uh November 16th I'll be there I think this comes I think these dates are right Isaac you'd correct me if I'm wrong but I think this comes out on the 19th if it does I'm 10 days away from recording my special in Portland Oregon there's hopefully no tickets left at this point but but if there are, scoop them up. I think there's about 600

left available anyway. Damn, dude. Nobody's coming, dude. I see. Nobody's coming. And then I'll be with that gem, the guy that you just heard drag me through the mud. November 30th through December 2nd in Vancouver, Canada. Showing him skateboard spots, driving

around, getting poutine, looking at the old Olympic Village, going on a hike. Is Vancouver also a poutine place? I honestly don't know. I got it there when I was there last time. They added some bar. I thought that was cross-country. I guess it is. I didn't know. Sea to shining sea.

Because we don't do that here. It's not like you know, America, cheesesteaks. We don't have that thing, right? You eat at McDonald's everywhere. Yeah, I can get a cheesesteak in Portland. Not a dish. Or like an apple pie. Apple pie is not as regional, right?

Like that kind of thing. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Well, chiseled isn't. It should be. It's a national treasure. Anyway, other than that. It's just meat.

It's just a little cut up meat. Oh, it's dang good. Isn't it just a little cut up? Am I wrong? It's just a little cut up meat. Oh, it's dang good. Isn't it just a little cut up? Am I wrong? It's just a little cut up meat? That's why it shocks me that people think it sounds gross. Chislik is a South Dakota dish where you cut, you square inch cubes of steak. You deep fry them, steak or lamb.

Deep fry them, sprinkle a little garlic salt on them. You serve it with toast or saltines and a side of ranch. It's so good. I say that and people are like, oh, that sounds disgusting. No, it doesn't. It's just steak bits. They have them everywhere. They're just called like little steak fingers or whatever.

Chis like it's a certain thing. I don't know. I'm getting all hot. I'm getting all heated. Yeah, man. It's okay. Calm down. Calm down.

It sounds good. I like a little steak finger. Dude, they're great. They are great. If you ever find yourself at a bowling alley in Sioux Falls, it's going to be the best Chis like you're ever going to find. I believe that. We got David in Staten Island. If you ever find yourself at a bowling alley in Sioux Falls, it's going to be the best shiz like you're ever going to find. I believe that.

We got David in Staten Island. David has some ideas on how the New York Liberty need to attack the Las Vegas Aces here in their upcoming game. David, you're on the horn. This one is just funny. Pootie Tang, hoes. Oh, that's your weakness. That was his weakness. No, what's your dates? Your dates. Cool guy joke. Oh, that's your weakness. That was his weakness. No, what's your... Your dates, your dates.

Cool guy jokes. Oh, sorry. I like it. I thought you were doing like a radio caller bit, like a Baba Booey thing. Oh, no. Like your Baba Booey

is booty tangos. That'd be a great pick is what I thought right away. And I was like, oh, no, that's a pick. Sorry, guys. I was doing a gimmick. I was doing a gimmick.

That's my fault. I've slept like 8 to 10 hours in the last 3 days. So this comes out of the 19th, right? Cut that out. Now you guys know what my last pick is. And David, this one's just funny. Poodatang hoes. I'm leaving that in. I'm not cutting that.

Saturday, October 21st, this week, New York City. Sunday, Worcester, Mass. October 25th, Kansas City, Missouri. October 26th, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. October 27th and 28th, Minneapolis,

Minnesota. Go to bringdavidaplay.com for those tickets. Come on out, buy, Minnesota. Go to bringdavidaplay.com for those tickets. Come on out, buy some merch. We're having a good time. I just saw Kurt Bronneler at the Farmer's Market, and he said that Worcester room is great. Is it Ralph's? I don't know, man. Let me click it.

I have to, man. There can't be like a lot of places that do comedy in Worcester, right? Yeah, Ralph's Diner. Yeah, that is a cool spot. Okay, cool. I'm looking forward to it. Josh Gondelman is here. At Josh Gondelman on Twitter and just at Josh Gondelman on Instagram

as well, right? That's right. And TikTok. I'm on TikTok. You have to. You have to. I am going to be back at Bottle Rocket in Pittsburgh on November 18th which is a great spot

it's fun, I just played there yeah, you should do it, it's good and that's all I know so far more stuff will come up but I do, I write a newsletter free newsletter every Monday called That's Marvelous, it's full of pep talks it It's where I put all my new live dates. So if you live all over, I imagine I'll be still on the road for a while. And a couple of things next year is too far to plug. But that's marvelous. joshgondelman.substack.com. Sign up. That's where all your Josh Gondelman needs will be fulfilled.

For all the Josh Gondelmaniacs out there. First of all, they can't be fulfilled ever all the Josh Gondelmaniacs out there. First of all, they can't be fulfilled ever, but it's where they can, they can be, they can take the edge off briefly quenched, quenched. You throw it out.

You know what? Like, I just need to take another, I know we've talked about it, but another moment of appreciation for all the words Sean's been using lately. I hope like, I don't know what happened. I recently listened to a chapter on a book, man.

Yeah, goddamn right. What book? How to Talk to Kids So They'll Listen. It's a book about having toddlers, and it's just... It's a book about being on a podcast. All they do is tell you that you can't... All it is is shit that you, it's basically don't

do anything that your parents did. You can't tell a kid, no, you can't say, why did you do that? You ha it's like, there's layers to it. Put on grateful dead cassettes all Saturday morning of tape shows and colors on the wall. I can't be like, I can't go take the crayons and be like, no, you know, that's what. That's what this book would have. It's like you can't do things like that because it's going to leave a bad taste and they're just going to want to do it. So you have to reason, which all makes sense. You got to be like, do we color on the walls? And then she says no.

And then you go, where do we color? And then she'll show you the paper. You can't put ice cubes and white wine. You can't go see Little Feet in concert. Because all the stuff your parents did, you can't You can't do anything. You can't spend like six months researching what new speakers to buy for the living room and then just buy them on Impulse one weekend.

You can't get a 1988 Eddie Bauer edition Ford Aerostar van. They really don't want you to do that. You can't show up with your car burnt to a crisp on the inside and tell me that it wasn't insurance fraud when I know that it fully was, but you said a fix-a-flat exploded in the car

and so the whole thing just lit up. That actually is probably good advice. Don't do that. Yeah, that's good advice. If it says that in the book, that's a good book, Sean. I don't know. I didn't read it.

I heard it. Josh, it is time for your final pick. Oh, wait. No, me. I'm Ian Carmel. Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. Come see me and my beautiful, brilliant friend, Sean Jordan, at the House of Comedy in Vancouver, BC, November 30th through December 2nd.

I will be at the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas, December 8th and 9th. I'm going to be at the Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon on March 23rd. Tickets available now. And a bunch of other shows coming up. So keep an eye on my socials for that. All right, Josh, it is time for your final pick.

I got to go big with the final pick. This is like a high upside pick, big swing. I'm gonna go with The Human Race and Talking Snakes. Whoa. Whoa. They really fucked up our shit.

Whoa. It really did. Damn it. I think once again, we're simpatico on our last picks. I cannot wait to hear what yours is. That's basically David's, I bet. I bet. It's not only,

there's also the snake from the Jungle Book. You know what I mean? Bad snake, yeah. They keep coming back. Sure. Marshall, Voldemort. Hell yeah. Snakes talk, we listen.

Damn. Damn, for real. Yeah. Damn. Snake talk Snakes talk. We listen. Damn. Damn. For real. Yeah. Damn. Snake talk. Snake talk. We listen.

That'd be a shirt I'd wear. Snakes talk. We listen. That's a shirt you wear? As opposed to what? If it's written in old English. Now that's a shirt I'd wear. It's written in old English.

Is that what you said, Sean? Yeah, it's gotta be. Yeah, the font really sells it. Oh, it's old English. Yeah, the font really sells it. Oh, it's Old English. Okay, yeah. That has to be. Snakes talk, I listen.

Calm is in the right place. Sublime sun behind it. You're making a shirt. We're designing a shirt right now. You're making a shirt. This is how fashion gets changed. There's no fiction about snakes giving us good advice. Never once. No.

I think that's unfair to snakes. Yeah. They're out here getting like the worst PR on fucking earth. You know what I mean? They're just trying to eat mice and chill. And then you watch Little Mermaid and crabs are like telling guys to be more assertive in their dating life. Oh, yeah. Lions are giving people good advice on all sorts of things.

Fucking Narnia. Get out of here. They don't have our best interest at heart. Lions. Snakes do really get the shaft. Lions don't care any more about us than snakes do. Probably less. Probably less. That's why they're giving us that. Yeah. False news, dude. Lions with the false news.

Snake news. Snake news. Are you doing a lion because it sounds like lying? Oh, no. No. I mean, yeah. I wasn't. Be honest.

I wasn't. So those lions, they've given us all the fake news. So what was that then? The fake news from the lions? You didn't hear what they said about 9-11? Lion 11? You didn't hear about what they said about Lion 11? Sometimes when you're backed

in a corner, you say something. A second hyena has hit Pride Rock. That's why you never write punchlines until you're in front of 300 people. Then you just have to come up with one. It's worked out great a couple times for you today. David, time for your final pick. What was it?

I'm taking this because it's funny. The hero, Hootie Tang and the hose. Yeah. And that's really, there's not really much to it. Funny, funny, funny flaw for that guy. It's perfect. It's a BLT. You don't need any other ingredients.

Come on. Sign your pity on the runny kind. Okay, this is my final pick, and this is kind of a gripe A little bit as well New rule It's the aliens from signs And water

Oh, that was their issue Water, bro? Like, they came to Earth It rains A planet that's 80% water And where it rains and waters your weakness? Seems like a bad call. Also, we didn't accidentally figure that out at some point.

There wasn't a drizzle? There wasn't a drizzle? They were in fucking Brazil? The fire hoses on them? We've done that to people. Yeah, exactly. How did we not fucking figure it out with these fucking aliens? It's just insane to me.

It's insane that that's what their weakness is. It's insane that we didn't figure it out. If I had been a stand-up comedian in 1998 or whatever that movie came out. Ooh, I would have ate. You'd have seen me at the open mics with all that science material. I would have ate.

15 minutes. Swing away. We can wish you is the last two, right? Yeah. Water's a common one. Like I feel like water's out of there. Yeah.

Water's big in, in like whatever the, the, the one weakness world. This is a good call. Thank you. Thank you. And the final pick Sean Jordan.

All right. It's pretty specific, but it popped into my head and I really think it's funny. So in the movie, Austin powers, very first first one will ferrell plays a bit role he's one of the henchmen and his only weakness is being asked a question three times oh yeah oh yeah yeah i just i like that she's like damn three times and then when he falls it's starting to smell like almonds yeah i just i just thought it was such a funny tiny little joke in that movie damn three times well now i have to tell you that a ridiculous weakness but a weakness all the same funny love austin powers great movie

doesn't man it holds up baby i love boston powers i did love Boston Powers too. Well, this was absolutely lovely. Isaac Lee, Super Producer Ice, what is your pick? My pick is English footballer David Beckham and his voice. Oh, good call. David Beckham and his voice. That is so good. David Beckham and his voice. That is so good. David Beckham and his voice. You got a whack voice?

I don't think I've ever heard David Beckham. Tough voice. It's insane. He's so hot. And so good at soccer. He is. I'm going to look him up real quick.

He is very attractive. He's insanely hot. It's crazy how hot he is. But also he was like an amazing soccer player. Was he hotter than he was good at soccer? Or was he as good at being both? Like good at being hot as he was at soccer? Let me ask that question.

He is probably equal at both. Wow. Yeah. He was that good at soccer. And he's that hot. God, I'm looking at, I mean, one of the many photos of him with his shirt off. The man. I get so jealous of dudes with dope-looking tattoos.

I don't even know what they are. I'm just like, man, the ink's in the right spot. He looks great. It was a sensation. I like how that ink dried, brother. I wouldn't look good. There's no right spot for my chest tattoo. He's obviously married to Posh Spice.

He has everything. Everything in the world. A bunch of money. He owns Inner Miami. Except for his voice is awful. And his son. He has everything in the world, but a talented son and a cool voice.

Honestly, fair trade. Poor Brooklyn Beckham. Excellent pick, guys guys to recap our picks Josh you went first you took Odysseus and Hubris Superman and Kryptonite Lit and Lit, Salt and Pepper and Men and the Human Race and Talking Snakes

David you went second you took Michael Jordan and Ill-Fitting Jeans Nas and Beats, Wonder Woman and her own Lasso of truth, the Denver Nuggets and the Los Angeles Lakers in the Western Conference Finals, and then Pootie Tang and hoes. I went third, and I took Ariana Grande

and weird-looking dudes, tuna salad and celery, Kyrie Irving and just asking questions, Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriends and the age of 25, and the aliens from Signs and Water. Sean, you went last. You took Predator and Mud, The Shave and the Haircut and Roger Rabbit, Darth Vader and the good in him. Marty

McFly and being called a chicken and Austin Powers or Will Ferrell's character from Austin Powers and being asked the question three times. What, baby? Wait, Dana has one. Oh, secret guest pick from Dana Schwartz. Come on, but just say Men in Turtlenecks and Columbo. Oh!

Dana says Men in Turtlenecks and Columbo. Ooh! Yeah. Both committing the crimes and people at home watching. Oh. Guest pick from Dana Schwartz. We want to hear your picks hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter

all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the afe patreon where you can get mailbag episodes bonus episodes auction drafts live episodes and isaac lee's super tasteful we actually got uh LaChapelle in for the last batch of them and I think they turned out really, really great. Isaac Lee's tasteful nudes on our Patreon.

Just beautiful. Like, it doesn't make you think of anything sexual. It just makes you think about the beauty of us as artistic, you know,

delicate. I want to use the word delicate. It's spiritual. Aesthetic, I want to say. Sensual, but not over the top. No. It's like almost nudity as fashion.

It's like almost like, yeah, like it's a fashion choice. Yeah. Exactly. And those are, that's on every level of the Patreon. And our exclusive merchandise with Trailblazing. Yeah.

At the highest level of the Patreon. The hats have been shipped out. They look super dope. Oh, there it is. Josh Connelly wearing a Trailblazing. Yeah. At the highest level of the Patreon. The hats have been shipped out. They look super dope. Oh, there you go. Josh Conley wearing a Trailblazing hat right now. Analytics. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity, the AFE subreddit. Shout out to Super Producer Isaac on the ones and twos. Shout out to

Saintsuit Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shantahajim beats are more important than all of that. Tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklakity! that was a hate gun podcast