All Fantasy Everything - Historical Figures On Instagram (w/ Blair Socci, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

THE BIG DOG IS BACK. WOOF WOOF.Episode Guest:Blair Socci @BlairSocci (IG: @BlairSocci)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all fantasy everything. The podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are drafting figures from history who would have had a great Instagram. Our guest today is the wonderful stand-up comedian, Blair Saki. Our guest today is the wonderful stand-up comedian, Blair Saki. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And with me, as always, are my friends, David Borey and Sean Jordan.

Let's get into it. Welcome to the pod. All fantasy, everything, fantasy drafting the world. Welcome today. We're so happy you're with us. We love you. We could kiss ya. I lost it. No, you, I lost it. I lost it. No, you... I lost it. I lost it.

That made me feel like I was wearing tights. Yeah, that's what I was kind of going for. Kind of a historical vibe. I can tell. I felt like I was at the nativity scene at Christmas Mass. Yeah. I like that, too. I like that, too.

Here's my question. It was reverent. Thank you. You know, in Catholic church, whatever. I don't know if they do this in every church but in catholic churches they'll sing songs I'm happy to feel this

it'll be like I'm happy to feel this like um hallelujah like you were just doing did they do it is it like scatting is it different every time

or is there actually no that's the best question I've ever heard it sounds like they're making it up and I'm like it's like scatting that one rule And I'm like, that would rule.

Honestly, I get where you're coming from. Cause you're like, how'd you go from A to B? Really? I don't. And it sounds like they're just bouncing, like making it up, but they can't be. Cause that'd be nuts. But I've always wondered that, like, are they just fucking playing jazz up there? So anyway.

I don't think they are playing jazz up there. So then these. I don't think. These priests have to learn these wildly all over the place notes. They're everywhere. What the hell else are they doing all day? I got a few notes for the priest. Count money.

Come on. Want to kill them? Look, sex abuse aside, want to kill them to get one guy in the entire international diocese with even a fucking shred of charisma? My God. Yeah, the Catholics don't really. Maybe the Italians have got it.

Maybe they're nice with it. Father Stew? Isn't that a movie about a guy? I think so. That's a Marky Mark Wahlberg. Oh, is that like a new movie out? No. I don't know if it's new. Oh yeah, he probably got

like 400 million for that. No one saw it. It was a I don't think he did because it was a passion project because he's a hardcore Catholic now. So I think it was one where he was like, tell you what I'm going to do. I'm only going to take $5 million for this one. He loves the Catholics, hates abortion,

has 19 kids, loves to wake up at 4 a.m. Blinded a man when he was 18. Signed Paul Pierce shoes in his gym. Yeah. I mean, Big Wave Dave,

a little youth pastor from back in the day, he was a pretty charismatic player. Oh, you had a Catholic priest saying Big Wave Dave? Yeah, he had ramps at his house. He was Catholic? That does not sound Catholic to me.

There's no way that's Catholic. What else would he have done? Oh, maybe not. Maybe he was like God-fearing. He could have been Protestant. There's no way he was Catholic. I promise you this coming from the Catholic Church. There's no way they could have done something that fun.

Would he have been Baptist? I'm asking you guys like you were there. Yeah, I don't know. Well, he was a youth pastor who was pretty charismatic. Could have been non-denominational. Yeah, definitely non-denominational. He always had those Christian rock bands and I would be like,

oh yeah, I love this guy with the hard side bang. We went to Hemp. A lot of Hemp jewelry. He's just singing for Jesus. We went to LifeLight. It's like the biggest Christian music festival

in the country. They have it, they used to have it outside of Sioux Falls. Handjob City, Holy Buckets. Wow. It is wild.

Did you guys clean up? That's amazing. I heard stories. I didn't, I didn't partake, but it's just like all the kids they just go nuts at those things sure i mean because it's still kids it's still a bunch of kids right yeah sure is where were they splooging from the heaps just in the pants

what'd you say the heaps we don't i don't call handjob a heave I guess that's a word for our people I meant to say the heej splooging from the heej where are they splooging from the heej I can say heeb, thank god it was me who said it yeah, thank god but if you're at a music festival

yeah, thank y'all not big wave Dave, probably not a Jew I don't think so probably that guy sounds like he loves Jesus for our bar mitzvahs Not big wave Dave, probably not a Jew. I don't think so. I'm sure big wave Dave was a Jew. That guy sounds like he loves Jesus. For our bar mitzvahs, it's all crazy intonations, like at the Catholic church, but there's a specific way. That is how it goes.

And you have to learn the song. And it means there's no rhythm to it. I remember the first part of mine was like, remember like the first part of mine was like i don't know it's it's like i don't know it seems designed to make it hard to prove that you want it okay i because i've always liked if i ask everybody i thought you were gonna say that your bar mitzvah was also a handjob city it was also a handjob city. It was not a handjob city. Not at all. It was a Magic the Gathering. He's like,

I'm a man today, baby. There were several self-administered handjobs, I think, later in the week, but not a single one. The more popular kind. What were we talking about? Magic the Gathering. We were just doing a nice journey down all the different religions and seeing what was going down. Oh, that's right. That's right.

I'll tell you what's going down tomorrow. What? From when this is released. The Big Dog Special. Yep. Blair Saki Special. At Blair S Special. Yep. Blairsaki Special. At Blairsaki. Am I correct on that?

On Twitter? You're correct. On all of them. Cross-platform. And why don't you take it from here and tell people where they can see you performing stand-up comedy. Wow. Thank you so much, Ian. I'd just like to take this moment to address the All Fantasy Everything community.

Let you guys know, should you be interested, absolutely, no pressure. I do have a special coming out on a platform called Veeps. V-E-E-P-S. It's Live Nation's new streaming platform. It's available to just purchase by itself or you could subscribe to the platform to get all the other ones. Anyways, December 1st.

I hope you'll watch it. Does the special have a name? Did you get to name it? It's called Live from the Big Dog. Yeah. Oh, that is so dank. So do they find that like on veeps.com? Can they find it on their, on like their streaming platforms too?

Like where you add. Yeah. It's like a regular streamer, like, you know, Netflix or whatever you app. You can download the app on your TV or you can go to veeps. Events slash. Saki on your computer. I'll be putting it on the goddamn Xbox.events.com on your computer. I'll be putting it on the goddamn Xbox. Hell yeah.

Yeah. I can't wait to watch. I'm stoked. Everybody, you really are one of the funniest comedians I could think to watch. You really are. Thank you very much. I don't know why you're talking about me now.

We were trying to focus on Blair. We were trying to focus on Blair, but thank you. I just can't help but tell you how good you are at stand-up, Ian. You know, I feel that energy. Anyway, watch Blair's special. Oh, that's so nice. You guys are the best. I love you so much.

I'm going to watch it, too. I love you. Shout out to David. Shout out to David. Shout out to fucking David, dog. I just want to get in there. Let's do this back at the top of the podcast, because I got feedback from people saying they didn't like me putting all the plugs in the middle. So here we go. It this back at the top of the podcast. Cause I got feedback from people saying they didn't like me putting all the

plugs in the middle. So here we go. It's back at the top. Blair, where can people see you do standup comedy live and in person? Oh, um, well I'm at the comedy store.

If you're in town in LA, I have a few more dates this year. Um, with Anthony Jessel, Nick, you can see those on my website or his, but yeah, mostly just at the comedy store through the end of the year.

Fantastic. Yeah, thank you. Sean is Jordan this year. Sean Cougar, Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sup, bro? Sean Jordan on... Sean, what is it on YouTube? Sean Jordan Comedy on YouTube.

Sean Jordan Comedy on YouTube. Sean Jordan in person. Where though? That's the question burning in everyone's hearts and minds High note Is back December 28th I don't even think we have a headliner but we're just going to do Like a holiday show and I think we might have a couple

Drop ins December 28th? We might who's to say It's a real holiday party I'm going to wear my die hard Christmas sweater January 18th Through the 21st I'll be at the Snow Jam comedy festival sioux falls south dakota uh going to that yeah you're probably right and then i think what oh no we'll be in phoenix there's a ticket link at some point we'll get it to you people keep asking i'm like i don't have it yet but it's at uh cb live february 1st through the

4th and then uh yeah tonight we are in we We're in Canada tonight. Vancouver, British Columbia. Come see us. Man, people have been hitting me with the links, dude. We got a big mall to go to. Dude, I got a lot of them. Deborah DeGiovanni. Oh, my God. Deborah DeGiovanni.

It's okay. I don't know what's going on with me. Deborah DeGiovanni. I had to say it like that. Send me a bunch of links for like a bakery and shit, dude. I'm very excited. We'll have a whip, dog. American plates, letting them know.

Letting them know exactly what time it is. Having a good, wholesome time in Vancouver, British Columbia. Wait, what night? What's the date you're going to be there? December 30th? November 30th through December 30th. November. Yeah, November 30th.

Wait, I literally think I might be there that time. Don't do it to me. Really? Well, sorry. We're taking up time on the podcast about it. The whole thing is two hours of taking up time. Well, that weekend,

I don't know which state is which because I'm doing three cities in three nights. Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver. So I don't know which state is which because I'm doing three cities in three nights, Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver. So I don't know which night is Vancouver, but there's a chance I might be there. You are going to be there December 2nd. Anthony Jelzonic is in Vancouver, BC, and so too shall we. While you're there? Yeah.

I just got super excited. I mean, I was already excited. But tonight you will be in Portland, Oregon, the jewel of the Pacific Northwest. I fucking love Portland. This will be my fourth time there, I think, this year.

Not one of those doing my stand-up comedy show. I'll tell you that. All four times you've been there, not one of those is doing stand-up comedy. 2024! We're fucking doing it.

That's a promise. That's a sealed oath. Good. All right. That's a promise that's a sealed oath good alright that's a big dog guarantee yeah that's putting a paw on it right there

make that your tagline that's a big dog guarantee also you gotta have some kind of a dog thing to call your friends or your fans oh like the dog pound

yeah oh yeah or like we're the puppy chasers or something that's probably the puppy chasers. That's probably it. The puppy chasers. That didn't feel right.

That didn't feel good. Could I have pedophiles? Yeah, it felt bad. You know, we'll figure it out, though. Puppy chasers. That guy's like your noun is David Boyd. Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. Davidisacomedian.com.

Puppy chasers. Are you off the road right now? Where can people go see you? I mean, are you off the road right now where can people go see you I mean I'm off the road like in December but in January uh oh yeah

in January January 12th and 13th I will be at Hilarities in Cleveland one of my favorite clubs ever

and then uh January 26th and 27th I will be at the Comedy Bar in Seattle. I'm coming up. You want to come up? You want a feature?

We can have some fun. You know? Yeah. Let me run a break. Laura's having... So I left town and Max got pink eyes. So Laura's not... I'm not asking for any favors just yet, but as soon as I get home, I'll ask her if I can... It'd be funnier if Laura left town, Laura and Max left town,

and you got pink eye. Yeah, I like that. Pink eye and some sleep for a change, you know? No, I don't. Are you not sleeping through the night? Yeah, I sleep fantastic. Max wakes up at least twice every night, and you just have to get up

because then I'm on. Whatever, this isn't what we're talking about. So, David, I might come up there in future yes if i can i smoked weed again last night for the first time in like forever me too brother yeah i gave it a shot and it felt great it didn't i didn't have a panic attack i wrote i wrote it it was fantastic what was the scenario that decided you to turn the page i I got home from the comedy store. I've been thinking about it. Dana left me.

She left me. It was like drizzling out. I was in a good mood and I was like, I'm going to smoke a joint and walk around. And I did. I did exactly that. And like I listened, I fucking listened to Sublime. Smoked weed and walked around my neighborhood. It was fucking premium.

It was so nice. Fuck anyone who thinks that's not a good band. They're a wonderful band. They're so good. That's the thing about weed. You got to go away sometimes and then come back, you know? Yeah, it was so nice.

It's really everything, honestly. I came up with some jokes about Kashi Goodfriend cereal. We have some at our house. Did I tell you that? No. We have got... God awful.

Should be illegal. Laura's a Kashi Goodfriend's ass person, and we got it at the crib. I saw it right after the cereal draft. I was like, no way. Yeah. That seems nuts. I'm a multi-grain Cheerios kind of guy these days i'm on that tip too bro they're so

good i like a multi-grain cheerio the the kashi cereal tastes like what like the debris on the ground of a trail would be yes it tastes like homework it's fucking terrible yeah it's a it's a burden disgusting it's the most agonizing cereal in the grocery store. Like if it was that or don't eat breakfast, I will never eat breakfast. Yeah, it's clinical. It's sterile. It's godless. I kind of like a homework cereal.

As you know, I'm a Grape Nuts man. I'm a Grape Nuts man. I don't mind like a... Grape Nuts aren't bad. Grape Nuts aren't bad. I love a Grape Nut. Blair. Blair.

Huh? Let's reel it back. You said Grape Nuts aren't bad. Grape nuts aren't bad. I love a grape nut. Blair. Is there something? Huh? Let's reel it back. You said grape nuts aren't bad? Grape nuts aren't bad. Grape nuts are terrible. Nobody thinks grape nuts are not terrible. I was trying to explain grape nuts to somebody who hadn't had them the other day. Throw a rock in their mouth.

Yeah. Is it like, am I having 90s diet hot mom Stockholm syndrome on that one? 100% I think. Okay, yeah. I'm open to feedback. I am. And I will accept and receive that reflection back to me and I will consider it. What did you just say?

You said 90s diet hot mom Stockholm syndrome? Yeah. That's exactly what that is. That's a fun group of words when you put them all together in that order. She put like sweet dough on it. It's a lovely bran flavor.

It's a lovely bran flavor to Christmas. What are you saying? I don't want to really hate this. It's a lovely bran flavor. A lovely bran flavor? It's a subtly sweet bran flavor.

Nobody's ever said that. No. Everybody hates bran muffins. People who know I'm talking I like bran muffins. You eat brand because you have to. I don't think we have any 70-year-old listeners that would know what you're talking about. I had a vegan blueberry muffin at the Portland airport because it had a high brand content.

You're going apeshit right now. I don't work for a network TV show anymore. I can finally tell the truth. I like bran. I know they've been firing those bran eaters. I know. Yep. I don't have a boss.

The next draft, too bad we're not doing draft things that are disgusting that you like that no one else likes. And you can't even explain because they're so disgusting. But we're not doing that draft, I guess. Peanut butter and pickle sandwich, grape nuts. I got a lot of stuff. At least peanut butter and pickled sandwich has a point of view. You know what

I'm saying? It does. Blair, how does this sound to you? Would you do this? Would you get a tortilla? Would you roll up a tortilla and dip it like in a ramekin of Alfredo sauce? Does that sound good or bad to you? Of course I would do that are you serious you think i don't like a good time i get so crazy in my kitchen when there's not a fucking set of eyes on me you don't even know what i get into what if there was a mirror across from the counter where you were doing it uh what if

alfredo sauce was cold? Yeah. Oh, germane to the conversation. It's cold. It's out the fridge. I'll pull it out of the fridge. Yeah. No, I would still.

I have to be honest. I still would do that. It's thicker when it's cold. If I even have one. Me too. If I even have like a touch, a brush, a flirt with even the slightest bit of weed, I will take the thing of Parmesan and open my mouth and pour it down my throat like it's water on a hot day. I'm pretty sure that's like an anti-Italian propaganda cartoon. Yeah.

I know. I know. And honestly. He's got meatball madness This is not something I would honestly share With anyone Except for you My three closest

Most private scenario That we're in right now Because I'm not proud of that I don't really want Even people to know that Oh don't feel bad We won't tip it back From the jar

I've taken raw maple syrup to the dome before. I hit the eggnog unfiltered this morning. Yeah, you gotta hit the nog. I don't even bother to cook. Yeah, that's when I had it too. I was like, let me just let me take a shot to get me going.

Do you guys do the nog and brandies? Because that's like a big thing in my family. Here's the thing. I love eggnog and I love alcohol. I don't like them mixed. It's a hard road, those two together. I don't want eggnog

to taste like liquor ever. Because that wrecks Coke kind of for me. Coca-Cola. I taste Morgan Coke now. If I can talk myself into a scenario where I'm having not a lot of appetizers in one or two drinks, I could do an eggnog with brandy in it because I do like those

flavors together. But if I'm in a snacky situation where I'm going to eat a lot, I can't do a boozy eggnog because that's just taking up too much real estate. That's how I feel about beer. I only want to drink it on an empty stomach. On a hot day. After you help someone move.

After I'm being incinerated by the sun. And I'm just having a large mug of beer. Oh, that's right. Let's drink like... Let's get hammered off of eggnog and brandy. Like, drink like 15 of them. You would barf like a car hit a fucking fire hydrant. Like, that would be what it hydrant Yeah It would be so bad

It'd be all frothy Like that Just awful It would taste terrible Oh yeah Cause sometimes your barf's kinda good Yeah Yeah

What? Yeah You don't have that? Your barf? Your puke tastes good? You wanna know one of the worst barfs you guys could have? I'll tell you I'll tell you Cl I'll tell you.

Clam chowder, bitch. Okay. One time I was in Vegas, like, I was staying with my mom. You were in clam chowder in Vegas? Clam chowder central in the world. I was a child and I was tagging along forced for one of my brother's AAU basketball tournaments. And, of course, you know, I'm a fucking chowder head.

I had a huge bowl. Something came. I barfed all over the goddamn hotel room. My mom almost threw me out the window. She made me, I needed help. She said, no, you clean it, bitch. You ruined my life. Whoa.

You can't chowder barf at the Bellagio. A chowder barf? I mean, I don't know that there could be a worse scent than that on Earth. I had a marshmallow,

a camping-related marshmallow barf that put me off marshmallows for like a decade and a half. Maybe multiple. I still don't like marshmallows now that much because of it. Wow, I didn't even know there was a way you could not like a marshmallow I didn't know you could marshmallows I housed so many toasty marshmallows on the campfire that I woke up I was probably

like seven or eight and I was like this is happening now and I burst outside and just like washed up marshmallows so hard and I don don't, like, it was just one of those things where I'm like, I can't eat marshmallows anymore. And I still kind of don't like them that much. Why does it still somehow not sound gross to me at all? Like, all I can think is I want marshmallows, like barfy marshmallows. No, too many roasted

marshmallows fucks with my stomach too. Yeah. I know what you mean. When you eat, like, when you're like roasting them and it's too many, it's, like, it gets in there weird. That caramelization on it a little too much. It's, like, a little too carbon-y. One time, when we were in high school, we sent, uh,

we went camping, like, with our friends, like, by ourselves, and, uh, we sent Sam Talent to town to buy us food, and he came back with somehow no food and just, like, two cases of root beer and like seven bags of marshmallows and that's like acclaimed author sam and beer and we got beer that's a lot of vanilla that's too much vanilla it was like i came home i felt so terrible but that's what i

mean about the marshmallows where it was like i'd be'd be all hungry, and I'd be like, fuck, I guess I'm going to roast this marshmallow. Yeah. It's not food. Dude, not even graham crackers or anything. It's not food. It's not food. Not even graham crackers or anything. Just the marshmallows.

That's a wild move. Marshmallows. Marshmallows, bro. Good trip, though. Fun, fun kid. My name is Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram,

TikTok, YouTube, all of those things. Please follow me if you haven't. I'm doing a lot of stand-up. Tonight, of course, you can see Sean Jordan and I at the House of Comedy in Vancouver, British Columbia.

Next weekend, December 8th and 9th, I will be at the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas. Very excited about that. Please buy tickets. and 9th, I will be the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas. Very excited about that. Please buy tickets. January 4th, I will be in New York City at the City Winery. January 5th

in Philadelphia. Coming back to Philadelphia for the first time since the show. They love us there. They love us there. My Philly show last tour was like one of the best shows. I cannot wait to see the Philly people January 5th at the City Winery

January 6th in Boston Massachusetts in Washington D.C. kicking the door down waking Joe Biden up dragging him out of bed taking him to Boston at the City Winery

where I'll be doing stand-up January 19th through the 20th I will be in Fort Worth Texas February 1st through the 3rd we will be at Hyena

what's that? is it hyenas? oh it's hyenas I don't know why I did that where are we at in Phoenix? CB Live February 1st through the 4th CB Live yeah in Phoenix March 23rd at Revolution Hall

in Portland Oregon you can tickets for that now I'm going to be at the Punchline in San Francisco at some point in March, March 13th through the 16th. Very excited about that. And then more dates forthcoming. You can hit up my link tree

in my Instagram or my Twitter bio. You're going to promote Emotional? Oh, yeah. I started a basketball podcast with Zach Harper and Isaac Lee. Just, I don't know. You're going to promote Emotional? Oh, yeah. I started a basketball podcast with Zach Harper and Isaac Lee. I don't know. You're going to promote Emotional? Emotional. I was waiting for the shout-out. We talk about

that with just the three of us, talking about basketball for like two hours a week, sometimes multiple episodes a week, and we just talk about basketball. It's really, really fun. If you're a fan, you'll enjoy it. If you're basketball curious, I think it's especially good for you. Me. We identify a main character.

We try to tell you what's interesting that week and what to look out for. It's real fun. What happened? What's that meme I've been seeing where that dude's choking out? Is that Rudy Gobert that's getting drunk out? Yeah, sure is. Oh, you're talking about Draymond? Is it Draymond?

Draymond got him good, though. He had him fucking hemmed up. He looks so scared. I do not want to fuck with Draymond, man. Absolutely not. He's so nice in the interviews, but then you watch how he plays. He's a psycho. He'd be laughing while he was beating you up.

There's a whole video I just watched him like... Still targeting nuts is like a... He's raking eyes. Like there's this still him like raking Braun's face. And you're like, that's LeBron James. You're trying to scratch his eyeball, dude. Yeah. And he's targeting nuts.

Let's acknowledge you. Don't run. He's going after zombies. He's going right in there. He fights to win, and that's a horrifying prospect. Yeah. He fights to win in front of 22,000 people. Yeah, he's like Andre Agassi's dad.

My nephew, he's four, and he just said nuts randomly so casually in a conversation the other day, and I could not stop laughing. He was like, we're on the playground and my friend fell on the bars and he hit his nuts and then he kept talking and I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't listen. It's not so bad word. I don't know the rules anymore.

No, it's just hilarious to hear a kid use it like it's, oh, you know, like it's one of the acceptable words. It's so funny to me. There's nothing funnier than kids saying bad words

in general. You're just like, that's incredible. It's perfect. Except for like when you hear those kids who say it too much. You ever see that? Oh, yeah. Did you ever know kids like that?

They're like a ham. Yeah. And you're like, I think this means that like your dad smokes inside. Those kids at the mall where they're like, yeah, dude, I heard these kids going crazy the other day. They were just like, they were like, they were like, yeah, this fucking bitch came by. I was just like, you guys are killing me. They were just,

yeah, I was like, I know you don't talk like that. You only talk like that when you're around each other. It was so vulgar. And I don't know. I think I might have said something. It was at the skate park. Look at you using the word vulgar. I love it. I love it too, but look said something. It was at the skate park. Look at you using the word vulgar. I love it. I love the college, man. It's not the college thing. It's just the fact that

you were definitely one of those kids back in the day. That's 100%. And now you're saying vulgar. They were so vulgar. Look at you. What a journey. You were the guy for sure who was doing that. Blair, so I did these shows in Omaha the other night. Middle school?

Shout out, by the way, everyone that came to these shows in Omaha the other night. You can mic up a middle school. Oh, yeah? Shout out, by the way, everyone that came to the shows in Omaha. Shout out. And one of the girls, one of the people who was there when I got beat into a gang was at my show in Omaha. She was there. And she's like, yeah, my brother kicked you in the face. I was like, you sure did. Wait, sorry. I didn't know you were beat into a gang.

Not just any gang, Blair. The Crips. I thought I was a Crip for a while. I didn't know you were beat into a gang. Not just any gang, Blair. The Crips. I thought I was a Crip for a while. I thought you knew that. Well, it's a whole other story. Oh my God. See, you think you know people and then you say vulgar

and I didn't know you were in a gang. It's the wall. I did get beat up and I thought I was in a gang, but I wasn't really. I'm glad you're with us still here today. Me tambien. There were some close calls.

Spanish for me too. Did you say me tambien? Me tambien. Okay. Okay. Yo tambien? Soy vulgar. Me tambien.

Soy vulgar. Right? Is it soy? No. Me también. Me also. Yo también. Fue vulgar.

Yo también. Me también. Yo también. Yo también. I'm starting to feel cornered. Hit us up in the comments to let us know which one you prefer. After you smash that like button, bro.

Smash it. Break your computer. Fue vulgar. Pero ahora yo noue vulgar. Pero ahora yo no soy vulgar. That was pretty good. Thank you. You sounded like Puss in Boots. That was nice.

That's kind of the energy I'm going for just in general. The new one's just kind of a Puss in Boots. Oh, the new one is crazy good. Yeah, you know I watched it right when it came out. Probably paid $18.99. Me too. The wolf is scary, man.

Like, for real. Yeah. The wolf is no fucking joke. Yeah, it's just like a lot of gossip. Hotel Transylvania is good, too. Yeah. If we're just talking, if we're just throwing shit out there. I know.

Please, please. I enjoyed the Hotel Transylvania movies. You're a big animated head, right? You like animated movies, right? Yeah, I watch all of them. I like the whole thing you're a big animated head right you like animated movies right I watch all of them I like the kids ones they don't disturb my peace like everything else on this fucking dude Elemental

I went I took my cousins to see Elemental and halfway through my cousin he goes or my nephew he's like are you crying I go yeah I'll be crying most of the time I saw my god damn eyes out on that movie I did too and he's just he's like okay like I'm some

nerd like it's sad dude is elemental like that is it up in the rafters with like Coco and other or is it just like you guys cry extremely up there it's so emotional yeah it's another excavation of the human emotions and, you know,

how we relate to them privately and publicly and in the community. There's a soft boy made out of water who cries all the time. And I was like, it's me. That's me. Yeah. That's how you would describe him. A soft boy made out of water who cries all the time.

Yeah. Speaking of other languages, one of us just got an Alfa Romeo. Oh, yeah, bro. I sure did. Turn that camera on. Turn that camera on. Oh, you don't have to, but you can talk. Sure, why not?

Show us a picture. Isaac swung by yesterday because I got double the shipment of Athletic Greens, one of our sponsors, and of Liquid IV, another one of our sponsors. Wait, you're getting more Liquid IV? I haven't got shit. I have so much. You have more? David, I have probably, no joke, probably 25 bags of Liquid IV. Yeah, next time I see you.

Yeah, same. What's happening? Answer those emails. I just sent them. They have the old email address, but I didn't even get like, oh, you're getting more. I've never gotten two of anything. I got a lot. I don't know. I can't explain it.

I can't explain it. But I will say I genuinely, I mean, all of our products I love. Those two I've been using regularly. Had a little extra. Gave it to the Iceman, our producer, member of the family. He pulls up in a brand new used Alfa Romeo. Brand new used.

Looking sharp. Seats inside looking like Cherry Dilly bars. A Dairy Queen, man. Just like that beautiful red. Red leather? Red leather. Isaac. That's like what they drive in Romeo Must Die. That's awesome. I am known as a vainglorious person

I'm a very vacuous person you know I enjoy the the finer things in life vacuous what does vacuous mean? I'd say luxurious luxurious

Epicurean I'm an Epicurean person let's just say you're an Epicurean you're a Gourmand you're a Flunderer but you're a Korean a Flunderer

Epicurean I'm an Epicurean that's what it is I thought you were Korean. A Flunderer. Epic Korean. I'm an epic Korean. That's what it is. That got me. That got me. Were you just pointing that out? Were you just pointing that out that I got a new car? I just want people to know

that if they hear sort of like a kind of a more luxurious edit on AFV going forward, it's not their imagination. They're hearing a producer. I imagine you sit in the Alfa Romeo and produce this podcast. Exactly. It's not their imagination. They're hearing a producer. I imagine you sit in the Alfa Romeo and produce this podcast. Exactly. Yeah.

I moved my entire studio. Three days ago? Yeah. As of this recording, yeah. You smash in there yet, bro? Be honest, Isaac. No. We know. We got the pictures. Pull up the pictures.

This is an intervention. We were sitting at High Plains a few years ago You're smashing too much ass You're hammering too much ass Every time I saw you at High Plains a couple years ago Blair I'd be like big dogs trying to smash And you're like I'm not trying to smash That sounds like such a Perpetual little sister me

Like someone says something I'm not I'm not trying to smash Never get like Someone's fucking with me I just like immediately No I'm not No

Yeah right Nobody I mean Smashing on red leather That's a That's a high level I couldn't do it I wouldn't last

Yeah I would need to clean it Like all the cleaning involved Like that's not That's not worth it at that point We'll check in on the Alpha Romeo diaries every week Okay

Plus he doesn't come out Of red leather I'll tell you that No Sorry to the listeners For saying that. I think David just threw up. I don't know what came out of me.

I don't know what came out of me. That might be my favorite thing I've ever heard you say. Pussy, this would come out of red leather. Oh, my mom's going to think I'm going nuts up here. It's funny doing this with my mom 10 feet away from me downstairs. This is awesome. Give her our best. I hope her knee feels better.

Yeah, we're going to sit and watch The Lost Boys tonight, I think, so she can pine over that wet, long-haired gentleman with the saxophone. Can it only help. Now, we're gathered here today not only to pine over the long-haired saxophone gentleman from the movie The Lost Boys, but also to fantasy draft figures from history whom we believe would have been wonderful contributions to the Instagram application. This was originally an idea submitted by a listener was it not sean jordan yeah and i'm sorry i don't keep track i'm trying to now when people send ideas i'm trying to put their handle on there but i have no idea who sent this lost to the annals of history known only to he or she

or they who sent it in originally and plucked from a list saved from obscurity by our guest blair saki now the way we determine the order of our fantasy draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. It's played between the three of you. We throw on shoot, don't we? We always have. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, I win.

Sean Jordan wins the scissor against two papers, a natural victory. Sean Jordan, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what? I was going to come in with a voice, and then I didn't. Come in with a voice! Try it. It's not too late. And what is that?

Ah, a sporting question. One best fielded by our compatriot Sean Jordan Sean Well, thank you gentlemen for asking A serpentine draft is when your dog is in the backyard Trying to sniff and find a place to poop So it goes to the left side of the yard Sniffs around for a while

And then it goes to the right side of the yard And sniffs around for a while Goes up a little bit And then back over to the left And sniffs around until it finds a place to poop You see What a place to poop, you see. What a ripping yarn. Yeah.

Yeah. Essentially, it means if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, Sean, with that image of a dog defecating in a yard, what will the order of today's draft be? It's tough. I don't know which way. I don't know if I want to go first or not.

I do, but I don't want everyone to laugh at me. Well, whatever. What's the point? Of course, I want everyone to laugh at me. I'm going to go first. Oh, Sean Jordan first. Then Blair, then David, then Ian. Hot corner.

Well, that means, Sean Jordan, we're going to get to your first pick, the first pick in the draft, right after this short commercial break. there, but this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science

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which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy. but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash allfantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life

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I was like, nobody's going to bring this. It has to cut. You know what's crazy? So my first pick. I'm going to do this for my first pick. And it's funny that it's right in line with that because my first pick, and you tell me if I can do this, but I want.

Just to recap for the listener, this is like figures from history. Right. But we think where we're like, this person would have fucking been great on Instagram. Now, let me know

if I can do this. And if I can't, I understand. But I want to pick... You know how like the Staples Center has an Instagram account? Yeah.

You know what I mean? I feel like this... Hold on. I want the Roman Coliseum to have an Instagram account. But that's not a person. Hold on. I want the Roman Coliseum to have an Instagram account. But that's not a person. I know. This is some fucking fifth round chicanery.

You're trying this in the first round. Well, only because we just talked about the Caesar cut. Okay. In the fifth round. See, now you've blown it. In the fifth round, it would have been like, oh, oh, interesting, fun. But now in the first round. Trying to get that by people.

You can't pick Caesar because he died before it even got done. That's who I was originally going to pick. You also have to say which Caesar. Julius Caesar, like the OG. But he died. He was the one that started the construction. But he wasn't alive when it got finished. And I just want an Instagram account from the Coliseum.

You don't have to let me pick it. But I think that would have been the most interesting. How many episodes is this for you? 300 something? Well over 300. Is this going to be a wendy's on twitter type of situation where it's using gen z speak and stuff oh yeah yeah this lion who this lion who disemboweled a christian is serving cunt like that kind of thing we don't have to let this but i just i want an instagram account from the coliseum because to me it's always been the most interesting one of the most interesting things i can think of like that i

would want to go to and just see what it was like it just seems so insane that that was real i want to go now but i mean i want to see it walk the way that they all walk there and stuff like that i've been there it's fun that's what i'm saying it just is the most fascinating thing to me and just to see i don know, like the first version of like what is now football stadiums and stuff, but they also killed each other. I just can't. It's just bonkers to me. Like they would fight tigers and stuff.

We don't have to let that in. Well, it's the thing about it. I think we can let it in. We can let it in. It is definitely a fifth round move. After a fifth round move, you should know better. If we wouldn't have been talking about a Caesar cut, I wouldn't have brought it up just now. But we were just talking about a Caesar cut

and it just felt fun. Also, now that you fixed your hair, I am glad that it wasn't a Caesar. Wouldn't that be a wild move? That's why I had to bring it up. I was like... When Clooney had it, I was like, oh, bro, I'm going to look like George Clooney. I tried to get a Caesar cut and it did not look good.

Paul Mezcal out here, dude. Come on. Baby bangs? I think it looks great. You might be alone in that. I see it. I see it. I see Paul Mezcal.

I think you look like a page. I look a lot. Everyone says I look exactly like Paul Mezcal. I see. Thank you very much. Thank you, Blair. Yeah, the Coliseum would be a cool, that would be a cool account.

I mean, it would be, because weren't, I mean, the Romans were the people that like made up like plumbing and everything, right? So like the Coliseum probably had all like the working modern technology of the day. It just would have been insane to see

like that when it was functioning. They had elevators. Italians are very smart, insane to see. Like that when it was functioning. They had elevators. Italians are very smart, just saying. I've been saying it for years. When they came to America, everyone said they were so dumb. They became dumb just because they took a boat across. Yeah, that's what happened with the Irish too.

We're also very smart. So let's just move past that. I don't know about that. I haven't quite heard that rumor as much, but I will go with you about the Coliseum Instagram, Sean. Damn. Well, you ripped me up. Damn, this is some real, like, Gangs of New York shit again.

Yeah. Now he's the Lord Sway over the five points. And I stand to profit. It just would have been crazy just to see the... I don't know. I've always...

That's been my favorite. Aren't you worried that they would have kind of a, like, sanitized corporate? Like, if you ever watch the Crypto.com tweeting, it's like, congratulations to Demi Lovato selling out the Microsoft data. Like that's what their posts are.

Yeah, but they didn't have, they had to, it was too gnarly and they would have been like way before they wouldn't have been corporate just yet. I think they would have had a pretty dope Instagram. I think they might've got kicked off a time or two here and there suspended for posting at vulgar, if you will, uh, content, but I think it would have been a dope Instagram. I think they might have got kicked off a time or two here and there, suspended for posting a vulgar,

if you will, content. But I think it would have been a dope Instagram. Trying to see dudes getting their arms loped off? I mean, I don't really want to see that. Stand on it, Sean. Ten toes down, baby. It'd be interesting. You know they one time filled the

Coliseum up with water and had a naval battle in it? A bunch of times. Yeah. What? Yeah. A lot of times they did that. Maybe they had underwater cameras. Jim Cameron directed it.

Yeah, they held big mock ship battles. They would like plug it up, fill it with water. I think like divert a river or something. They would create a lake in there, and then have boats. They would do recreations of famous Roman naval battles. See? That would really pop on Instagram. You should go, Sean.

You should go. Gotta wait until Max is a certain... I can't justify that right now. Start their Instagram. Unless we get paid to go. The Coliseum. Dude, it is fun. I like the Coliseum a lot.

Nobody's paying Americans to go to Rome. If we can do an AFE in London or something, I could justify. I'd be like, I'm going to skip on down, go to the Coliseum real quick, but neither here nor there. So yeah, the Coliseum, Instagram. Sorry for putting you in that position

so early in the draft. I won't be doing it again. It's just that you know. You had a Caesar cut for a second. What am I supposed to do? It's on my list. I was looking at a Caesar cut. It was like it was in the stars. I didn't have control over it. So I can just influence your

picks with how I happen to be wearing my hair? If you have a Mohawk for your next haircut, then yes. You'll take a Mohawk Indian? No, I'm just, I'm just, that's a little foreshadowing right there. Last of the Mohicans.

Damn, dude. Sometimes I just want to get in when you guys are talking. The last Mohican? The last Mohican? That'd be a day against your group. Anyway, the Coliseum.

Blair, time for your first pick. The Coliseum is off the board in the draft of famous people. We'd like to have... Yeah, now we're going to be doing that the whole time, huh? I made my bed. Well, now that the Coliseum is taken...

The whole time. I got to go with my man, Napoleon Bonaparte. His handle would be like Short King Official or like Short But Tall Where It Counts. He would would be like short king official or like short but tall where it counts. He would constantly post like bitchy pictures

from the lowest angle possible making him look like he's 6'5". And he'd chop off people's heads if they've ever posted him at like a straight on angle. And I feel like he just like posts like a fucking cheeky bitchy pair of heels

like with the caption not me responsible for the deaths of 3 to 6 million people. Like a fucking cheeky bitchy pair of heels, like with the caption. Well, not me responsible for the deaths of three to six million people. I stay grinding. Maybe one of him like drinking like a magnum of champagne. Like, like I, Osterlitz? Nah, I stay lit. Yes.

I think he would also post, like, hot ladies to his stories. Totally. Josephine would be furious. She'd be so pissed. She'd be like, what the fuck are you doing posting girls on your Instagram, Napoleon? Here's a, you know, Napoleon was not actually actually that short he was of average height for his time he just had very tall bodyguards kind of like like like famous people now men love revisionist history this was apparently true i was told this by my uh wife who is not a man. And the whole him being short thing. She loves, she just loves history.

She, and the whole Napoleon short thing was like British propaganda. I still think he would be posting that, but there was British propaganda happening. So he was, he would have still posted shit from low angles, making him look tall. It doesn't change anything about your pic.

Taller than the other countries. It's an interesting fact. One time I went on a hinge date. This guy's profile said 5'10", and I showed up, and I mean, I'm 5'5". I'm sniff 5'6", on a good day. This man, my forehead was above his,

and we just looked at each other in the eyes, dead in the eyes, Dead in the eyes. Like before even saying hello. And, you know, I don't mind the short man, obviously, by this pic. But I do mind a fucking liar. How nice for Taylor Swift, a tall girl. Who is now with like, Kelsey's like six foot four. Yeah, he's way tall.

I cannot get enough of this. Like, I'm so fucking basic and romantic. Like, I'm just like, where's my goddamn tight end who just like retired after like two years and has like minimal CTE and like a heart of gold, you know? He's out there. Yeah, he's there. He's somewhere. He's out there. He's playing pickup at like a 24-hour fitness right now.

He is not at a comedy club. No, he's not. Whenever you guys meet and then years down the road, you're going to be like, he's going to say, I was in Vegas when I was 70 and clam chowder one time. And you're like, no way. That's crazy. Yeah, i was the other one uh napoleon bonaparte great pick david time for your first pick uh so this is i had to go with this as soon as i found out what we were going to do i had in my head a picture of a tomb and a stone rolled away from it and then a caption

that said haters will say it was photoshopped so I gotta pick Jesus Christ I think he would answer a lot of questions I think he would be one of you know how they have those Instagrams where everybody's like no I

just kind of really like that guy you know what I mean I think he would be nice I don't think he would be like pounding You know how they have those Instagrams where everybody's like, no, I just kind of really like that guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think it would be nice. I don't think he would be like pounding shit too hard. I think, yeah. I think that would be a great, great watch. He'd repost like all the stuff you want him to repost.

I think he'd be a good time. Wow. He'd go live all the time. Yeah. That's a really good pick, David. Him and the Disciples goofing off. Yeah. Like he pants his Peter.

Yeah. Yeah, he's like having fun with the boys on the Sabbath. Yeah. They're just like swimming, eating grapes. Yeah, man. Judas in a bad mood all the time.

Dude, come on. Yeah, like we all saw it coming. yeah yeah man Judas in a bad mood all the time just like cheer up dude come on yeah like we all saw it coming yeah and then you know the whole cast of characters

along with I think it would just be yeah good time yeah he'd be great last night was a movie and then he's like putting his hand into a jug of water

whoa last night was a movie he's like saving this one for the OnlyFans and then like clicking off into a jug of water. Whoa! He's like saving this one for the OnlyFans and then like clicking off and then it's like, oh, what's Jesus getting the boys getting up to tonight? Yeah, yeah. I think it would be a great time, man. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, he'd be like walking on water.

He'd be like, oh, why swim when you can fly? Yeah, yeah. But he wouldn't be a dick about it, but he would acknowledge he's the Messiah. Yeah. He'd be cool about it. He'd be cool about it though. He'd probably be cool about it. He'd probably be cool about it.

He would probably be chill about it. Probably be pretty chill. Isaac, you're a, you're a, you're a, you were raised in Christianity. What do you think about Jesus on Instagram? You're a good Christian boy. You're a, you're a, you were raised in Christianity. What do you think about Jesus on Instagram? You're a good Christian boy. You're one of those. You could have finished that sentence in numerous different ways. Ian can't talk to you now.

You got red leather seats and he doesn't know what to do. Isaac, you're a South Epicurean. No, you, well, I feel like your relationship to religion is complicated. It is very complicated. You were raised in it. I'm an ex-evangelical, which is a very specific demographic that is quite large these days. I think Jesus would be posting a lot of quotes, but it's his quotes. You know what I mean?

He would be posting a lot of graphics of him being like, hey, turn the other cheek. Like Rick Rubin? Yeah, exactly. He'd be exactly like Rick Rubin. Rick Rubin loves that. Jewish Rick Rubin. exactly like Rick Rubin. Yeah, Rick Rubin loves that. Jewish Rick Rubin. I love Rick Rubin. Yeah.

Rick Rubin. I think Rick Rubin is Jewish Rick Rubin. Is he actually? Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. His last name is one of our greatest contributions to the world. Yeah, Rubin. Yeah, that's right.

That's right. He might not be, though. No. I want to know about Jesus' relationship with Mary Magdalene he's Jewish baby oh she's popping up where is Mary in his is she on his stories

she's got an OnlyFans for sure she's fucking making bank on there yeah yeah yeah but he'll promote it sometimes cause he's not like wack like that you know sex work is work he wants to see his friend thrive Sometimes he's not like, he's, he's not like whack like that. You know, sex work is work. Yeah. Yeah.

He wants to see his friend thrive. And then it's just like him farting on money collectors. Yeah, dude. Get out of here. That's how he threw him out of the temple. People don't know that. Yeah. He just ripped one.

The farting. Yeah. He was a, he was a farting Jew. Farting. I don't know. My lines on blasphemy are blurred, so feel free to tell me if I'm crossing any lines. I'm pretty sure everything we just said is blasphemy,

but that's okay. Okay, well, if it's all, then it's okay. Jesus Christ, excellent pick. Jesus Christ, excellent pick. That's an incredible pick. It was right there. I didn't even see it from a mile away. I was kind of worried you were going to take it.

I know. I do have a born again Christian vibe, but no, you, you snatched that thing right under my nose. That's all good. I took a building. Yeah.

Yeah. You did take a building. Yeah, you did. David picked a ball pit. We were drafting fast food. So, that was years ago.

Years ago. We're all so much older now. Yeah. Why is it? Look at Ian's mustache. Look at that thing. Look at my ago. Years ago. We're all so much older now. Yeah, why is it? Look at Ian's mustache. Look at that thing. Look at my Caesar haircut, dude. My beard didn't even connect

when I made that pic. Look at it now. Now look at my shit. My shit's solid. Fucking deep roots. Anyways. I'm taking... This is kind of in line with those...

So, I'm taking what many say is the richest man who ever lived oh yeah I'm taking Mansa Musa what the fuck are you serious I didn't think I could get him later

I thought that there was no way anybody was gonna pick that I've never even heard that name me neither he was an emperor of this vast I thought that there was no way anybody was going to pick that. I've never even heard that name. Me neither. He was an emperor of this vast African kingdom in Mali, which had gigantic gold deposits. He was one of the richest men who ever lived. And I think, so that alone is interesting. One of the richest people who ever lived, built all sorts of shit and was constantly going on like pilgrimages.

So he was a very religious man too. people who ever lived built all sorts of shit and was constantly going on like pilgrimages. So I, he was a very religious man too. So I kind of think he would have like super rich preacher vibes to some of his like Instagrams. I think it would be like that kind of presence. Oh yeah. Like, yeah.

I mean, he said when they, they said when he went to Egypt, he brought so much gold. It changed the price of gold in Egypt. Yeah. It changed the, it changed the price of gold in Egypt. Yeah, it changed the economy. He was a devout Muslim.

So, yeah, when he went to Mecca. How did he get all the gold? He just happened upon it? They have giant gold, and Mali has giant gold mines. It says he was known for his generosity. You don't normally hear that about the... He'd probably do Louis Vuitton giveaways for his generosity. You don't normally hear that about the music. He'd probably do like Louis Vuitton giveaways on his story. Absolutely. Yeah. I need three people.

I need three people to sign up right now for this Hajj and I'm going to give each of them I need 3,000 people to sign up for this Hajj. Three of them are getting a Louis Vuitton bag. It'd be that kind of, there'd be like Mr. Beast like vibes to it. I think so too. Giving people keys to houses, all that kind of thing.

I think it would be fun to follow. If Monsa Musa is going live, you're like, well, I'm clicking on that. I got to see what he's up to right now. You get like... With Bobby Shuster? He built all sorts of shit all over. Timbuktu. If you hear about Timbuktu,

that's Monsa Musa. Interesting. And David, you're going to pick it? I've never seen you so genuinely shocked. That was the most shocked I've ever seen you. I didn't think any of you guys were going to have... That blew my fucking brain.

I'll tell you what, I learned something today. He had like... They say it would have been like $400 billion is the equivalent of right now. Whoa. They say... Let me look that up and verify. He expanded the empire, right?

Yeah, he it even further. Gold tax was a lot of how he got his money, Sean. Gold tax? I can't believe that this happened. I've never felt this swooped at a pick. Maybe in the history of this show. Swooped at? No, weed.

Let me see if now I can call it. We're doing a, yeah, weed. Except for when Ian took Stanley Tucci from me once. That was pretty crazy. Maybe the second biggest scoop ever. That's big in our lore. Was that the Hop Aldman draft? Yeah.

Oh, you know it was. It's like you don't remember Ian. Tucci's first round talent. You can't leave him on the board. No, look, I learned a big lesson that day. I call him Tucci. Tucci mind. Hold on one second. I learned a big lesson that day. I call them two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks.

Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Two cheeks.

Two cheeks. Two cheeks. Hold on one second. The smell of weed, which I still stand by. I want to make my, uh, the, the pick. I'm calling in for my second pick. I'm calling in a ringer. Dana Schwartz, host of noble blood.

My wife, uh, a history fan herself, a fan of a history podcast. And for my second pick, Marie Antoinette. I didn't even plan this. She's wearing a Marie Antoinette shirt. I'm turning it over to her. That's an incredible pick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm clearing out. Marie Antoinette. Here you go. That's right up there with the Coliseum. Hello. Thank you for having me. What a pleasure.

How's it going? I truly am just unplanned wearing a Marie Antoinette shirt, which I do most days. That's so cool. I love Marie Antoinette just as a figure, and it's why she would have a great Instagram. That's what we're talking about. Okay, Marie Antoinette raised basically in captivity like a panda. She was raised, you know, as an Austrian princess, never thought she'd become queen of France. Basically, her sisters marry other people and through a series of unfortunate events,

they're like, oh, you need to step in. So you're going to go to France. You're going to marry the prince. So when she's a teenager, she goes to France. She's lived there her whole life from the time she's literally 15. She becomes queen literally as a teenager when she's 19. And she just has no conception of reality. It's just delightful for me to imagine this person on social media,

because you know how some celebrities are just so out of touch where you're like, oh, yeah, oh, you just don't even know the grammar of social media. Gwyneth Paltrow or like Brie Larson. I don't know if you've seen Brie Larson social media, but it kind of reads like someone who's dictating it to someone else who's not actually on Twitter. Like she's not, she's not like on Instagram scrolling because she like doesn't know the right grammar. Marie Antoinette lived her entire life in a bubble, but she also did like really fun things. She built this thing called the Queen's Hamlet, which is basically a small Disney village where she could play shepherdess,

which was sort of like it's a theater set. It's like there was a working windmill. Yeah, there was like a working windmill. She would dress like a shepherdess. People would bake bread. So it would always smell like bread. And she would just like get out and like play farm girl, like the cottagecore inspiration. She would have huge elaborate parties i mean she had like glamorous lovers that she was taking everyone would want to parse through her social media to be like you got me with the glamorous person in town like what's happening with this swedish swedish military man they're looking a little cozy was she a good because i don't know anything about her and for some reason i always thought she was like a bad person am i wrong so like she represented a bad thing like i don't think she's like the kardashians now

like she was gluttonous but even but even i think i would defend her more than the kardashians because i think she was really doing the thing she was told to do she was told from the time she was a teenager where she's like you are god's anointed. They're really Catholic. They're like, you would not be sitting on this throne unless you were supposed to. This is your job. Do your job. And she did it well. And it just like so happened that she was, you know, in this revolutionary moment. But by all accounts, she was like a very nice person.

Like she would be riding in her carriage and she like there's a story where she saw like a poor child by the side of the street. She was like, oh, my God. And she like stopped the carriage and like paid for that child's education for the rest of its life. So it's like you can be a nice person and also be like representative of systemic injustice. So it's like people sometimes get mad at me on my podcast because I like I like to speak with her about her like with empathy because I'm like she was just a person she was a teenage she did like what she was told to do also when you're a teenager I would have done the dumbest shit if I if somebody told me I was anointed by God to sit on the throne and I was 18 I'd be like oh everybody dies what are we doing also it's like her job is

to wear fancy clothes because it stimulates the French economy. It's like when she wore silk, the French silk merchants were like, great. There was a huge scandal because there was one portrait. She wore a cotton chemise, like a very casual, like down to earth. She was doing like her down to earth face. Like a khaki suit. Khaki suit. And people got so mad. Beige wave even back then.

Beige wave because it was like, well, what about the French silk merchants? Did you even think of them? So she had a rough go, but she would have a fun Instagram. She threw a fun party. She was like cottagecore inspiration. Had elaborate hairdos. I would love to see those reveals. Makeup tutorials.

There's always the thing about where you put the little dot, like means different things. Like if you put the black dot here, it means like flirty. And if it's on your cheek, it means like I'm in love. Yeah. There was a whole language. Have you seen those like little like black moles that they put places? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know there was like a reasoning for it. Yeah. There was a whole secret code. They were so bored. They were just hanging out all day. So it's like, if you put it by your eye, it means like you're in love. And if you put it here, it means you're single. And like, so you'd put it at a different spot on your face to like send a little message to the boys or girls. Noted. So it would be a fun, sorry for a long

rant, but you got me on my favorite topic. We do go on. Yeah, no, this is great. I always learn stuff when I talk to you. It's very on. Yeah, no, this is great. I always learn stuff when I talk to you. It's very fun. Yeah, that's solid. Thank you for bringing me. Oh, good to see you. Thank you, man. Bye, Dana.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's always funny when I hear somebody talk about something where I'm like, oh, man, I almost can't look at her. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. I just don't know anything. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing I just don't know anything I feel like I don't know stuff you know don't be hard on yourself

you came in with the first pic of the goddamn Coliseum dog okay alright huge history Marie Antoinette is her skateboarding that is wild that she just has on a Marie Antoinette is her skateboarding Yeah that is wild

That she just has on a Marie Antoinette shirt I love that Dave time for your second pick Well Fucking god damn God damn Mansa Musa was taken And I'm rocked You're pretty right to assume that wasn't going to get taken

I never heard You never heard of Mansa Musa? I'm taking I haven't read a book in four years. Nothing to say about it. I'm taking Rasputin. That would be a good Instagram. That's such a good pick. That would be

crazy, right? Because he's hobnobbing with royalty so you see all that crazy shit. But then there's also the secret magic shit going on. I think it would be like, do you guys remember when Young Dolph had that song 100 Shots? When they shot his car 100 times and he didn't die?

Rasputin? Because he couldn't be killed. He would have Instagrams like this. Like that. You know what I mean? They thought they had me. And he's just like, I'm gonna see Gregori

crazy eyes too he was so scary shots of his eyes he looks like a vampire sort of it's like the conversions of all the things you know what I mean all the crazy shit he didn't bathe so he'd be on there talking about like you know he'd have like

all these reels about how important it is that you don't bathe, so he'd be on there talking about, like, you know, he'd have, like, all these reels about how important it is that you don't bathe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, he'd have all sorts of weird, like, oh, man, his videos would be crazy. He'd have, like, he'd have, like, 16 million followers, and you're like, everything he says

is irresponsible. Everything. Everything. He's talking about magic. Wait, it says he is a myst Everything. Everything. He's talking about magic. Wait, it says he is a mystic healer. He would probably be wearing so much jewelry. Oh, yeah, because what's-her-name was obsessed with her. With him, right?

The wife of the king. Bizarre, yeah. Yeah, she was obsessed. Damn, you guys really paid attention in history. I did not know my guys were this deep. Oh, no. Actually, I've been on this kick. I watch a lot of Simple History on YouTube.

Great little, like, if you're just going for a little walk, you know, you just pop that in. Watch like a little 15 minutes on Rasputin or something. That's where it even came from as I listened to the Rasputin one last week. The czar's kid had hemophilia and like they brought, which a lot of the royals had hemophilia because they fucking, all they did was stoop each other and they didn't diversify their gene pool at all.

But it couldn't stop bleeding. Is that true? Yeah. It's called the King's disease, right? Look up the Hapsburgs. If you ever want to see some like crazy looking people, like they just incest incest, like the Royal fit. the king's disease. Look up the Habsburgs if you ever want to see some crazy looking people. Because they're just

incest? Incest. At this point, the Tsar, the Kaiser in Germany, and the King of England were cousins. The three of them were all cousins. They had like the same grandma

I think. Yucky. Where like the same yucky grandma yucky where like the scions of the three biggest countries on the planet were all like related to each other because they were all still being each other the Hapsburgs interbred so much that they like

like they were like they were golden doodles where they were that makes it sound like it's not gross when you're like, oh, they were just interbreeding. It makes it sound sort of smart or something. I never knew that. The Hapsburg jaw.

Google the Hapsburg jaw and you'll see what they did to themselves. Oh, I have seen that before. I have seen that before. It looks like a family guy character. Yeah, it does look like a family guy. They did this to themselves just by incestual breeding over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Family smash parties. Family smash parties. Jesus. That's the... Yo, I hate that. I hate that. It was usually cousins. You know? Oh, so it's okay? That's what I heard it right there. That's what I heard in your reflection. Yeah, so it's okay that's what i heard it right there that's what i heard yeah so it's all right actually but yeah so the romanoff child the romanoff child had hemophilia

and they brought in rasputin to like fix him he didn't of course and he would just he couldn't be he would just be so cocky because he couldn't be killed like that i just that's so funny but he died by drowning how did but but what kind of magic did he do i mean i don't believe in magic so i think he was a con man it was a it was a mix of like like uh russian orthodox christianity and and like mysticism i think right Yeah. I'd probably fall for it. That's a problem I have. I would too. Can I say? Goddamn heretic. They also thought he was,

like the papers were all saying that he was having sex with a Tsarina. Yeah. I believe it. They had papers? When was he? When was this? Turn of the century, right?

Like late 1800s, early 1900s? I thought it was like 1500s or something. He'd probably be selling courses like on Instagram the way that like late 1800s early 1900s i thought it was like 1500 or something selling courses like on instagram the way that like rosebud calls me once a week to make sure that i didn't like fall into any like weird spiritual program from like these like gurus on instagram that i find and she's always like you know they're're lying. They're lying. Stop. I'll send them to her because I always believe them. They seem so nice and smart. Check this out.

I get that. I want to believe in stuff. Most people I want to think aren't lying to me for whatever reason. It never crosses my mind ever that someone could be lying. It's a really difficult way to go through life. for whatever reason, you know? It never crosses my mind ever that someone could be lying. Like it never ever. It's a really difficult way to go through life.

It's wow. Yeah, I'd rather get taken advantage of every now and then and just not assume the worst in people. And just have faith. And I mean, if you don't, I know this is getting pretty deep, but if I don't have faith in people,

then I'm like lost. You have to believe people are good deep down somewhere. I have to. Now be funny again. Take the heat off me. Be funny. No, we're just going to sit in it. Just like you would sit in a seat in the

Coliseum, your perspective. Just like the underwater parties at the Coliseum. I'll tell you what, nobody sits in those seats at the Coliseum, baby. You're standing up the whole time. You paid for the whole seat, but you're only going to need the edge, my friend. A lot of them would stand, but the emperor would sit.

Yeah, if I lived in those times, I'd have to become an emperor because I fucking hate standing. I love to sit down. That would be my only path. The big dog's road to the throne. She hates standing.

It's time for the big dog's road to the big dog's second pick. Okay. Oh, yeah. I'm going to have to go with Ann fucking Bullion, bitch. Okay. Her handle would be Mrs. Steal Your Man. This bitch made Henry VIII break from the Catholic Church after they wouldn't annul his marriage to Catherine. Can you imagine how hard her Instagram would go?

She would be wearing track suits and selling merch that said, like, I had him second. And, like, when the pussy sellability of her husband breaks from thousand-year-old institutions. Like, she would be going off. Yeah, she would. From thousand year old institutions. She would be going off. Yeah, she would. Rocking that B necklace. Yeah, she'd have those really bitchy. Like skinny eyebrows from the 90s. Yeah.

Drawn on just the roughs. Getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Just full heel on the Instagram. And merch. She would be on fucking Bravo. For sure. For sure right now.

What's her show called? The First Berlin Girl. Isn't that movie called The Other Woman? It would be called The Second Wife. Yeah. Okay. This week on Second Wife. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. This week on Second Wife.

The first wife luckily didn't live to see The Second Wife, so she wouldn't have even had to deal with it. Oh yeah, lucky her. Things went so well for her. Well, what baby? Yeah, Blair drafted Anne Boleyn. First wife definitely lived to see the second wife.

She did live to see the second wife? Yeah. First wife did live to see the second wife. I've been correct. I'm picturing Dana just like writing something and hearing you say that and she just snaps the pencil. She's a fucking idiot.

She died in the year they got married though, right? I guess she was banished. She banished her. She died from heartbreak. It can happen. She died from heart year they got married, though, right? I guess she was banished. She banished her. She died from heartbreak. It can happen. She died from heartbreak. Yeah. When your husband has to go to a whole new religion to get up to marry a side chick.

It was because of divorce, right? So he could get a divorce. Yeah, because the Catholic church wouldn't acknowledge um his annulment because he wanted an annulment so he could from catherine to marianne and then that's why we have the bible that's why we have the anglican the anglican church yeah henry the just sort of like put his own spin on everything like just his way like, do the rules in math. He was like the original Trump. He's like, oh, yeah, no, actually you are allowed to do that.

Okay? Henry VIII's low-key would have had a great Instagram, too. Yes. Oh, yeah. Just messy. He would be like Andrew Tate. All those Catherines. Yeah. Yeah, he would be like Andrew Tate. Yeah. He'd be like in just like wearing

Oh you're not allowed to say the word anymore what do you call that A T a tank White muscled tank Pretend Isaac red leather Isaac please edit that out Red leather Isaac Red leather ice

Red leather Red leather pussy Smasher Isaac Red Leather Isaac. Red Leather Ice. Red Leather Ice. Red Leather Pussy Smasher Isaac. Can you please edit that out? I don't want anyone to hear me say that. It's going, yeah. Pussy Smasher. The Red Leather Pussy Pussy Smasher himself. Red Leather Pussy Destroyer.

I want you guys to call me that every episode. Not just when Blair's on. Destroyer? Just call me that in general. I can't say that out loud. I want to again apologize to all the AFE listeners and just sort of move past what I just said again. Big dick wrecking balls.

Fucking red leather Zeke, dude. I love it. I love it. I love it. Old red leather heavy dick. Thick, dude. Girth. Happy girth day. What's that car called?

I've never heard of that car before. Alfa Romeo. Alfa Romeo Stelvio. God, I'm learning about all this man shit. All these men from history I never heard of.

A man car. Red leather pussy destroyer. I think Alfa Romeo is the brand, right? It's the brand. Alfa Romeo is an Italian car maker.

I know it was Italian. It sounded really cool. It's an acronym for Anonima Lombarda Fabbrica Automobili. Oh, I had no idea. I know that's right. Sure. I didn't say that because I thought everybody knew it already.

Sure, sure. It's a wild thing for me to have even said. I'm sorry for that. I'm fucking sorry. Ambulance is a great pick. Sean Jordan, what other buildings are you going to take? I'm going to take this gunslinging building from the Wild West. I mean, I got to go with my boy Doc Holliday.

Oh my God. He would have an amazing Instagram. He was such a knucklehead, but he was so smart and sophisticated at the same time. He just loved trouble. And I, that nothing makes for more entertaining content on the internet than somebody who does not give a shit.

He didn't care about anything. You need to be a little bit of a circle. He's the original Paul Pierce. Yeah. We gotta get him. Somebody's gotta go get him. Hey Wyatt, go get your boy Doc. Did you see Paul Pierce the other day

posted like a gif? It was like he meant to post a selfie but somehow took a gif and posted it? No. He's like bad in social media in ways that no one else is bad in social media that's what it's fun to because if i don't care i think that's a blast i'd rather see that than like i don't know yeah who did he tweet at the other day like publicly hitting on them in a way where it's like you're supposed to do that in a DM. Yeah, it's not supposed to be

in front of the world. Yeah, and then she responded. Who was it? It was so fucking funny. It made me laugh so hard. It was like, because it makes him seem like so old, like he's so unaware. Somebody who shoot, it wasn't Paul Pierce, but somebody who's shooting their shot pretty hard at Nia Long.

Was it Jeezy? Young Jeezy? Yes. Oh, in that interview in that interview back on the porch i mean you can't blame him but i don't think so yeah she called him my friend incredible it was amazing he was going she was like my brother jeezy she like like she like friends owed him so hard. Yeah. Just let him know where he stood. Hey, you know, shoot or shoot.

And also, it's me along, man. Me along. I mean, yeah. I posted the Paul Pierce gif selfie in the chat. There he is. There he is. Just moving around a little bit. Bro, I watched his gif as a video and waited three minutes for you to say something.

Oh my God. That's awesome. It's just him moving around just a little bit. How did he do it? That's the wild thing. It's like you can't. I don't know how. A friend of ours.

He hates this. He hates this. I won't say his name. But one time he just emptied. Somehow all of his old tweet drafts. They all went out on Twitter. Boom. At one time. It was like 50 drafts from like from like four years prior

they weren't they weren't like that they were just like about shows and stuff but I was like I honestly don't know how you could even do that I don't know where the button is to be like send all there was a tweet there was like a tweet all oh was there yeah which is like why would you even make that?

What are you doing? I had a terrible. That is crazy. That's like a nuclear button. Like the red button. Like next to the air conditioner. Get a shot. Yeah.

Yeah. I just think Doc would have been. I'm also going like the worlds that I want to glimpse into. Like I'm just, it's so fascinating. The Wild West to me. How they lived. He just i it would have been amazing it was just a bunch of like dentistry stuff i know just boring life tips on how to keep your teeth clean when there's no hygiene the tops of the tops of whiskey to use to wash out your mouth when you can you imagine the teeth back then like if someone just like, didn't have brown teeth,

they were probably like so hot. Yeah. It would smell so bad too. Like sometimes I use those Dentek strips and it's just like something I ate an hour ago and you get it out and you're like, this smells. Yeah. Dude,

rank. Those guys were three piece wool suits. Every second of the day, they would have smelled their whole their whole vibe would have been disgusting but also they would have been shredded probably like i bet a lot of people were like more in shape just because they were more physical but like i think they were just like gone i think they were gaunt and malnourished there was like no food yeah around right yeah gaunt and well like. There was like corn and cow. That's it.

Doesn't sound sexy when you say gaunt and malnourished. Gosh. No. I mean, listen, a lot of models are gaunt and malnourished, but I think they were gaunt and malnourished rather than shredded. Yeah, man. Doc Holliday. That would have been fantastic. Two things. I think it's a great pick.

Part A. Part 2. We need to get you some new guys we need to get you Doc Holliday slash Tombstone have to have been the most drafted things in the history of this podcast they're never getting out of here it's a great pick I would love to see his Instagram

I'm conscious of it sometimes where I'm like oh you can't talk about Doc Holliday you can't squeeze him into this this is pretty basic though I'm like yeah it sometimes where I'm like, oh, you can't talk about doc holiday. You can't squeeze him into this. This is pretty, this is pretty basic though. I was like, yeah,

man, it'd be dope. But the third one though, it's a great pick. So the third one, I think that she would have had a very fun and like sweet and kind of endearing Instagram. I'm going Marilyn Monroe. Okay.

I think it would have been a fun one. Like she, nothing crazy, but she just seemed so cool and fun and nice. I just think it would have been fun. A nice, sweet, breath of fresh air in the world. I don't know. I just think it would have been a fun Instagram.

Probably a lot of quotes, a lot of inspiration. Tortured and pilled out. Yeah. She's a very, she was a very, very dark person. I don't know if you saw the movie. But it was nuts. Oh, here comes Red Leather Isaac.

Red Leather Pussy Smasher. Yeah. Blair, that's Red Leather Pussy Smasher to you? Red Leather Pussy Destroyer. RLPS. I'm sorry to the AFB community for saying it again. I think that they're all

going to be pretty stoked about it. A lot of people, but she also had a very pleasant, like her public facing persona. So if she was keeping it like manicured, I'm sure it would be a lovely presence. It just seemed like it would have been fun and like of the time, I don't know, it's a real

interesting time in history. It just would have been fun to see. I was trying to think of like a lighthearted after I'm going like these two things where people just get murdered and as she did get murdered, I guess. But yeah, I was trying to think of something a little more sunny that would be fun to see on Instagram. Marilyn Monroe. I heard this thing about Marilyn Monroe.

I don't know if it's true or not, but that she would like mentally turn on like her, like her shine. Yeah. No, I've seen this too. When she would walk in a room or like turn it off. And I was like,

Oh, that's really crazy. I love that. Maybe her Instagram, she would be doing like what Travis Scott's side chick would do where she would like post JFK's like Air Force Ones.

Oh, yeah. She would be like, just gone for the weekend. You know? It's a picture of like back pills. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. What happens in DC stays in Vegas. What?

So fuck. Yeah. Old Mary Munn. Marilyn Monroe. Great. Yeah. She's like, I mean, obviously she's become like a larger than life figure. Have you ever seen a movie that she's in? No, she's great. Yeah. She seemed like it. I mean, again, maybe my ignorance is shining through a little bit, but to me, she just seemed

fantastic. She just seemed dope. And it'd be fun to see her on Instagram. She did. I didn't like, I didn't know that there was a troubled side to her. Oh, she committed suicide with barbiturates, I believe. I thought, wasn't there like a rumor that she got killed? Like that she was murdered? Maybe, but it's a rumor. Yeah, it was a rumor. She was a very, very

troubled person who... I haven't heard your red leather pussy destroyer. I heard her the first time. I'm sorry. I saw the movie and I was like, oh my God, like this shit's nuts. Anyway. Yeah. Gnarly.

Well, if she would have kept it cool on Instagram, then I would have enjoyed it. Here's hope. Yeah. Here's mud in your eye, bud. It would have been fun.

But yeah, like gentlemen prefer blondes. She's great in like any of those movies. She's, she's like really, really fun and really like charming and like something like it hot. Have you guys seen Something Like It Hot?

I like it cool. What's the other one? Seven Year Itch? Seven Year Itch is another good one. Something Like It Hot is fucking fantastic. It's one of the funniest movies. I gotta fire that one up.

Funnier than Duck Soup? Fire it up. It's up there with Duck Soup. Duck Soup is funny. I think Duck Soup might be the funniest movie. How does it compare to Superbad? Because that's like the funniest movie I could think of. It's up there with duck soup duck soup is funny i think duck soup might be how's it compared to super bad because that's like the funniest movie i could think of it's up there they're all some of that shit that's like even though it's 100 years older or i mean like not the i mean obviously

these are just like 60 70 years old the marilyn monroe movies 60 no i watched an episode of um the show bewitched recently and i couldn't believe how it held up. Like, the comedy was so funny. I like that. I'm glad. No, I was saying, Bewitched is so funny. I like that.

Oh, yeah, it was so good. It's amazing, isn't it? Where you're like, how the fuck were they funny back then? And it's still funny. Well, I was like, this is way funnier than, like, a lot of stuff now. Which most stuff,

you look back and you're like, I remember this being funny, and it's really like not. Comedy girls are still hilarious. Comedy girls are still really funny. Yeah, Golden Girls is hilarious. It's just like a joke machine. Cheers is funny.

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Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash allfantasy. Blair, time for your third pick. Okay. Oh, yeah. Hey, better, better, better, better, better. Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. Blair time for your third pick okay oh yeah okay oh yeah okay I gotta go with I gotta go with

Andre the Giant oh yeah I'm going European today bitch okay I love that his handle would be 8th wonder of the world this man was always

fashioned in like a sick wrestling singlet he would be giving us like constant glamour athleisure shots you know his shaggy hair rumor has it he had a gigantic hog that you know that thing we'd be getting an outline every day. I just know he would be posting reels of himself ripping ass,

clearing out elevators that would get like 45 million views. He'd fart and it would just sound like a bullhorn. And then he would caption it and then and then he'd caption it something like um when there's stories going on too long lol you know they would have had to make like a i-pad for him to have for a phone yeah oh smashing beers have you seen that picture of his fist next to a beer? It's like that. Yeah. It's like, oh, it's so crazy. Also, I know, I want to go back to earlier when you said rumor has it he has a gigantic hog. I've never actually thought about how big it was, but I bet you that was crazy.

That's the difference between you and me, huh? What a cruelty if he didn't. Two hogs and five bank accounts. No, I mean, did you see that guy's behavior? It was all hog. That was big hog behavior. He was all, he was't. Two hogs and five bank accounts. No, I mean, did you see that guy's behavior? It was all hog. That was big hog behavior. He was all, he was all. Big hog. Isaac, don't get bummed out. We're talking about another hog. I know you hate that. Raise your back, dude.

Alright, there's enough to go around. There's a lot to go around. He's like a true red leather pussy smash. Everybody eats, baby. Wow. If I got it it my brother's got it oh man no under the giant that's uh yeah that's a great pick he would have been and he was like such a rad dude too it just so nice and that would have been a fun one that would have been. And he was like such a rad dude too. It just so nice. And that would have been a fun one.

That would have been a very pleasant one. I think. Ultimate rad dude. He would have like, he would have like a hundred million followers. Yeah. He'd be the most followed person on Instagram. Yeah.

Cause he's funny, gigantic, charming. You know, he'd post it on. There's no, he's not hiding anything. Who is right now?

Is it like Taylor Swift or Kim Kardashian? It's like Ronaldo. It's usually like the biggest soccer player. Oh, it's like Bad Bunny. Oh, it. He's not hiding anything. Who is right now? Is it like Taylor Swift or Kim Kardashian? It's like Ronaldo. It's usually like the biggest soccer player. Oh, it's like Bad Bunny. Oh, it makes sense. It makes sense. I think. I bet there's some K-pop bands

who are up there. Isn't it Selena Gomez? I thought it was Selena Gomez. It might be. Hold on, I'm looking. It's Ronaldo. Is it Ronaldo? Wow.

611 million. Jesus. That's too many. Well, the Coliseum is number two. That's what I was telling you. Look it up. It's right up there. Everybody wanted to see it.

It goes Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, Selena Gomez, Kylie Jenner, The Rock, Ariana Grande, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, Khloe Kardashian, Nike, Kendall Jenner, Justin Bieber. National Geographic, good for them. I love that page. And then, yeah, that's a good page. And then Virat Kohli, who is a cricketeer. Cricketer. Cricketer.

Kevin Hart's up there. Yeah. I was trying to get me into cricket the other day. I feel like I could actually See you doing cricket Like being into cricket I don't remember who I was talking to But they were like it's way better than baseball It was like

It was some Caribbean dude Well yeah that's who it would be The matches take three days But he was like The way he was explaining it The matches, well, yeah, that's who it would be. Them or Brett. The matches take three days. The way he was explaining it is he was like, yeah, it's just like a tournament. I'll get back to you on this. Louis will get you into cricket. He tried with me for like seven years.

It didn't work. He tried to explain cricket to me one time and I was like, man, you gotta stop. If you can't do it, and that's why I was like, if you can't do it, then no one can explain Cricket to me. It's not possible. Is this Louis C.K. or? Louis C.K. No, Ian's boy, yeah. Ian's boy, Louis C.K., yeah.

My friend, Louis Weymouth, who's kind of a posh British dude, who we all know. Not kind of, he's posh. He's a posh British dude. David, time for your third pick Third pick, I'm bringing it back Stateside, wait, was my second pick

Yeah, yeah I'm bringing it back stateside One of the founding fathers I'm taking Benjamin Franklin Oh, dog, what a good pick Come on, bro Oh yeah, David, that's electric as hell. What a good pick! Electric as hell?

Come on. Did you mean to do that? You're perfect. You're a perfect comedian. David, did Benjamin Franklin sign the Declaration of Independence? Was he one of them? I don't know. Did he?

I think he did. I had someone because I was like, like he signed it I think he did I had someone because I was like I wanted to see how drunk they were when that happened I bet you they were so hammered

and I've just always wanted to like be in that room and an Instagram account in that room would have been the best I just well why don't you

draft the room next stop it okay stop it he got me this fucking guy we're being supportive of your ingenuity and interest in architecture

he did sign it yeah man I wanted to be in that room but he just did everything so it's one of those guys where you're like can you believe the life then he's over in france right also he was a nudist so it'd be like a stavros kind of vibe yeah really he's a nudist yeah yeah yeah yeah super interesting you know like here with the Hellfire Club, like, with the caption, what's known doesn't got to be explained. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. Pictures like that. He's throwing the rock. He's throwing the rock for sure. My cover of God's greatest creation. When he was in France, he wore, like, I forget what animal. Like, maybe it was a raccoon skin hat or, like, something. Because, like, they were all the French court. he visited i think versailles were fascinated with like the frontiersman americans you know what i mean on this wild

country right so he wanted to play the part so he like wore furs and all this stuff he was having like affairs with like french courtiers at versa. This is the most I've learned in, like, 20 years. I am getting smart as hell right now. He also, you feel like there would be a lot of coded stuff because, like, people thought he was a spy and shit. Like, I don't know, man. I think it would just be, like, watching that guy move. That's a great one. And there's science on top of it.

Yeah. Electricity. What more could you want? The day he did electricity, it'd just be like a picture of the kite. Like a story of the kite. And like, big news coming tomorrow. Big news coming down the pipe. We got one.

About to change it. About to change it all, bro. Yeah, man. Ben Franklin. I just think that he would be, and he was, he was fashionable. It just,

it just would, he'd be, you know, we all have those people that we follow on Instagram where you're like, where does he find the time? Yes,

he is that guy. New bifocals just dropped. He'd be awesome. Like, you invented electricity last year. You got a wrist. Bifocals just dropped yeah you invented electricity last year you got a wrist bifocals no we're off electricity yeah are you still into electricity no yeah and then the next picture is just him with the president like yeah i think he's a vegetarian he was just like yeah he was a really interesting guy he was yeah he was like amazing at chess music yeah he was a real

renaissance man yeah the guy could do it all man and the thick king and thick king come on body positive on top of all that that's on top of all that yeah and a thick king man if somebody like you imagine going going back and calling him a thick king It would have made a little sense because kings were still pretty legit He actually would have hated the king part I think I would think duly elected

representative I'm taking it back to the states as well I'm following in David's footsteps but I'm going a little bit later I'm taking it back to the states as well I'm following in David's footsteps but I'm going a little bit later I'm jumping forward about 150 years Dana just hits you Dana just brought in a piece of shortbread for me

I'm not doing the I'm not doing the sugar right now Mark, give me some shortbread Mark, bring me some shortbread I'm taking the Sultan of Swat. Oh, yeah. Baltimore's own. I'm taking Babe Ruth, baby.

That would have been. You want to talk about a Playboy Instagram? That guy would have been out there just being so unhealthy. Come on, the King of New York. King of New York in those days, just walking around in a fur coat. He'd go live. Babe Ruth is going live. Glizzy cam. You know what I mean? Just eating hot dogs. in new york in those days just walking around in a fur coat just like he'd go live babe ruth is going live glizzy cam you know what i mean just eating hot dogs steaks the side of your fucking

head just having the time of his life in in the roaring 20s in new york city dude just getting in fights and making up and buying drinks afterwards oh yeah just throwing ice cubes at lou gehrig just fucking with him you don't mean just it would have been amazing there's these dudes on uh youtube they're what are they called like the base the bat brothers maybe but they just uh they're just baseball guys who do like trick shots almost but they were batting with babe ruth size bat the other day i guess it's like however it goes it's like nine ounces heavier or something than bats today it's great and he was still just knocking them out of the park with that that is a big bad dude yeah the guy he's like he's like nine ounces heavier or something than bats today it's great and he was still just knocking them out of the park with that that is a big bad dude yeah the guy he's like he's like there's no real way to plan this you just kind of got to swing it and hope the ball goes where

you think it's going to go there's no way to like plan the swing fucking crazy i went to the babe ruth museum when i uh when his birthplace when i visited uh when was doing McGubbies in Baltimore, Maryland. And not a great museum. I mean, like you. Did he grow up in like a boy's home? He did, yeah, because he was like a troubled youth. So they sent him to like this boy's home, which is where he picked up

baseball. Yeah. But he still had parents like they were alive. But his dad was like a bartender but yeah he grew up in a boy's home but yeah once he hit new york dude it would have been on he was a he was like he was a gadabout dude he got around he had a good time i like that i i can't even imagine being like before athletes like really focused on their physical health you know back then when you could like just do whatever you wanted and still be like a famous baseball player.

You didn't really have to. You were just a strong dude. Yeah. So cool. I would have loved to be in that era. Oh my God. Just smashing hot dogs. Yeah.

No cameras. Cigars in the dugout. Yeah. That's a peak performance nonsense. That's what I'm saying. Just out there being like, ah, it's America's pastime. I'm just a big old bat swinging party animal.

Back when we were real men. Yeah, yeah. He missed most of a season. Like it was his like bellyache season or something like that because I think he was eating. Bellyache season. Sports writer W.O. McGee

and wrote that Ruth's illness was due to binging on hot dogs and soda pop before a game. Yeah, that's how I pregame. Yeah. That's how I postgame too. He collapsed and was found unconscious in his hotel bathroom. Dude. It's not

funny, but it's funny. Yeah, but all among us, you know? He collapsed and then a sports writer was like, it was too many hot dogs. I've seen this a million times before. The combination of first two letters that we used to let slide back then. Hi, this is my friend.

He's a writer. This is W-O. That's crazy. Yeah, W-O. W-O McGee. They didn't go with each other at all. It's not like CJ or something. This is W-O. H-W. This is my boy, W-O. W-O McGee. They didn't go with each other at all. It's not like CJ or something. This is W-O.

H-W. This is my boy, H-W. You can see I'm an oil man. So Babe Ruth. Okay, Babe Ruth. Third pick. That's a pick. Thank you. I'm calling that shot. I'm going to go with Okay. This is kind of a weird one, but I going with king ludwig the second of germany

is he that mario brother of bavaria uh he's not he's not the mario brother character also called that's not what i meant a little cream pie he's a little cream pie i meant's a little cream pie. I meant because of Bavarian. He's a Bavarian cream pie. He was a, a.k.a. the Swan King, a.k.a. the Fairytale King,

the King of Bavaria from 1864 until 1866. He was in, he kind of lost his mind. He was obsessed with Wagner. He had kind of like a homoerotic obsession with Wagner and financed all of his work and everything.

You know those crazy castles like the Disneyland castle? Yeah. And do you ever see the ones that it's actually based on in Germany? No, I thought those were completely out of the mind of Walt. Oh, no. They're based on real castles that this dude built in Bavaria, and he basically

bankrupted Bavaria by building these castles. Bankrupted Bavaria like that. By being a Bavarian little cream pie. He was a little cream pie. He bankrupted the entire region of Bavaria by being a little cream pie. Sounds like he's been taking the ride in Isaac's Pussy Mobile. Isaac's pussy mobile. Isaac's pussy mobile now.

When did it change to a pussy mobile? It just did. I thought the locals was on me to be the pussy smasher, but now it's the mobile. You're the red leather pussy destroyer, Isaac. You know that. Castle Neuschwanstein? Yeah, Neuschwanstein.

Castle Neuschwanstein? Wait, how do you know about this guy, Ian, though, for real? How do you know about this guy, Ludwig? Listening to my wife's podcast. Oh, that's her name. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she has a episode about this dude. He was very, very interesting.

He was mad. He was quite mad. He was mad, you say. But very interesting. And I just think he was like a very rich, kind of crazy, very messy kind of guy who was like putting it all out there. He was a little mad, but very interesting. Would you say?

You're mad because I cut you off and I get that. I can see that. That noise that you made? I had to say Bavary. Sean! Sean! Wow!

I can't tell if you're mad at me, Blair, or if this is funny. I'm having the time of my life. Are you kidding me? But, you know, I just am shocked when I can still get the wind knocked out of me. That one, that set me back. I can still get the wind knocked out of me. Yeah. That one, that set me back.

I think I'll just move on from the pick. David, shall we do your fourth pick? I think that I'm going to keep it in America, albeit a little later. And I'm going to take Moms Mabley. Oh! Yeah! Man, she would just be out there. Let's be honest.

Crushing puss. Running vaudeville. Queen of the chitlin circuit. The Isaac Lee of her day, dude. The Isaac Lee of her day! Have you ever seen pictures of her when she was young? She was so cool.

She used to wear suits and shit. Cool as fuck. Like, I think it would just be like, yeah, it would be a very, like, very fashionable, but also hilarious Instagram. Like, when you see a comedian and you're like, you're cool and well-dressed, I'll kill you. On Instagram, like, that kind of thing. Yeah. Were they actually stylish? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, how did you even have the time? And then she was like. Yeah, she'd have like Instagram models like surrounding her. Yeah. And she would also like, because like people called her moms because she was so like maternal to other comics and shit like that. So she would also be like, put you on. You'd be like, oh, I found this comic for mom's Instagram. You know what I mean?

When you see like an artist like that, where you're like, oh yeah, I heard this comic for mom's Instagram you know what I mean when you see like an artist like that where you're like oh yeah I heard this from there like yeah I think it would be like a lot of cool shit smoking fat cigars I assume I don't know why that just also feels right for sure like posting a cigar aficionado cover yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I think that would be

she do like paid partnerships with like cognac you know oh yeah yeah I could see it and it would just be yeah just a cool cool follow man and it's like a world that we don't there's not like a lot of

I don't know a ton about that time and shit like that I think it would just yeah I think she'd be a lot of fun that's a great pick David um Blair time for your fourth pick Yeah, I think she'd be a lot of fun. That's a great pick, David. Hell yeah. Blair, time for your fourth pick. Oh, yeah. I gotta go with motherfucking Pocahontas, bitch.

Okay. Her handle would be like, I feel like her handle would be like, I was here first, bitch, 13 or something. Yeah, she was born in 159696 so i don't know what generation that is but she just got in so much trouble from her tribe for associating with the colonial settlement of jamestown virginia and i just feel like she would be like posting pics with john smith like rebelling against her chief father with like the british boys leather army hats but like still clowning them and like the captions would be like when

you're a baddie but the white men are still ugly or like or like when they have a boat but it's cancelled out by their jaundice that's so funny I just learned recently I didn't know she was like really hated

I did not know she was like really hated yeah I did not know that until very I don't know anything what did they hate her for well I she's hated by her own people cause she was

of her tribe yeah yeah she dated John did they get married or something no they say that's a rumor but she was like

a child the whole thing's kinda she only lived to be like I don't think that was stopping a lot of people back then didn't she die in England too think that was stopping a lot of people back then. Didn't she die in England too? Is that right? On a boat.

Yeah. On a boat. She was on a boat. I think on her, maybe in England. Yeah, to return to Virginia. She died on the Thames. Man, that had to be such a boring fucking boat ride.

England to America? Didn't that have to take like a month? There's a city in Iowa called Pocahontas? I bet you nobody in Iowa likes that that lives there. Pocahontas, great pick. sean jordan time for your fourth and then your final point all right fourth pick we'll say uh a one leonardo da vinci i think that would have been a very fun and interesting nice i did it i had to have one that hit uh yeah it just would have been a fun one the The guy seemed very interesting.

Like his workshop? Yeah, I think so. In Florence? You have the book of stuff that he invented, but just to see him work, I just think it would have been fun. He would have been great, I think, because that was a dude,

he for sure had ADD because he could never, he barely finished any of his paintings. You know that? There's like less than 20 finished Leonardo da Vinci paintings. He would start stuff and then like fix it and fix it and fix it and fix it, like get obsessed. He's like, that's not right. That's not right. You know what? Fuck

it and throw it away and then like start another thing and then start driving Vitruvian Man. He's like, no, fuck that. I'm going to paint this instead. Like he was like all over the place. He was brilliant. Like he'd post like seven to the feed in one day. Yeah, yeah. He would click on his stories,

and it would look like one of the... You know what I mean? Where it's like... You're like, I can't count how many little lines there. He'd post pictures of him hanging from the ceiling. Yeah. He was great. Another gay man, Leonardo da Vinci. Oh, really? Yeah. He was great. Another gay man.

Leonardo da Vinci. Oh, really? Yeah. I did know that. I did not know that at all. Leonardo. Leonardo. You love pizza, too.

Okay, now we're talking. Let's get in there under the skin a little bit. Yeah, him and his brothers used to eat pizza all the time Are you kidding me? Yeah I'm a Da Vinci fan now Yeah, they used to hang out in the sewer eating pizza God

They used to hang out in the sewer and eat pizza like the Ninja Turtles? Yeah And Michelangelo Mikey, Donnie, Raph God, I'm stupid Big Raph Yeah, that's a great That's a great pick

He was a very interesting guy The book about Him by Walter Isaacson Yeah I'll never find out But if they make a movie If they They turn that book Into a movie

One of these days Maybe I'll get I'll retain the knowledge I gotta give Dana's book a shot You guys had like Master's degree In history before this

like I never knew that about any of you I went to Florence in the spring and learned a bunch about the Nard Dog and your final pick Sean Jordan Al Capone I think that'd be real fun I want to see some wild dirty

because I think the one be real fun. I want to see some wild, dirty shit. The one thing I had in my mind, I was like, he wouldn't be posting crazy, but he would because he didn't give a shit. He would be posting robberies. I think he would. I don't think he'd be posting robberies. Why? I think he would. I think he'd be doing

crazy shit. He wouldn't be giving it away. He's not a drill rapper. He kept his hands he kept his hands clean you know he got he went down for uh for racketeering a tax invasion what is racketeering colluding as it's what is colluding recall charges i feel like he put on his stories just like um he'd be it would just be like a picture of like Cinderbox and he'd be like, rise and grind, you know? Yeah. He still would be a good follow because I think he's like, he would have lived this like crazy life in Chicago at the turn of the century.

And I think he was probably quite the party. That's like just a window into like those crazy restaurants and like speakeasies and stuff that they used to get to kick it in. That would have been fun to see. That's a good pick, Sean. A little playbook. Thanks, big dog. That's two in a row. That's two in a row, Sean.

You're on the last streak right now. That's five in a row, big dog. I'm out of here. Blair, time for your final pick. Man, gun to my head. If I had to save anyone or anything i would never know what the how the fuck a serpentine draft works i do not i'll never no matter if you explained it to me for hours i will it will never compute anyways like dog. Like a dog pooping in a backyard. Sort of sniffing around

for a place to poop. Yeah. Okay. All right. I gotta come in hot with number five. And you know that's Albert Einstein.

Okay. Okay. Birdie. His handle would be Lil EMC squared. I think like a rapper, you know, because he,

he liked to have a little fun, Albert, Albie. Albie was a fun guy. He had a little twinkle in his eye, you know? And I liked to have a little fun albert albie albie was a fun guy he had a little twinkle in his eye you know and i feel like he'd be just like giving us reels of like beakers and like little explosions where it would just be just a lot of fun and i feel like he'd do some paid partnerships that would be like unexpected where everyone would be like, Albert, God, Albert's fucking hilarious. Albert Einstein and

Skims? Yeah. I feel like he did Trojan condoms where he'd be like, two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe, so I'll use a rubber. LOL.

Rubber's the funniest term. When I was a kid, I never was like, why do they call it a rubber? I didn't really get it. It's just fun. It's a funny one to say. Yeah. That's it. That's all I had to say about it.

I like it. Hell yeah. That's a great pick. David? I'm going to take Siddhartha Gautama. I'm going to take the Buddha. Oh, the Buddha! Wild. I think it would be fun to see

him as a prince, kind of live in that life, and then he shakes it off, and you're like, dude, I used to follow the Buddha because it was just all, like, ass and wine, and then he went out, and now he's really changing. Ass and wine. You look really happy for him.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, he escaped the palace walls, and now he's just, like, very enlightened. That's like Russell Brand. Yeah, exactly. I think Russell Brand thinks the same thing. Yeah. He thinks he's at least one of the gods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Buddha.

That's a great pick uh with my final pick yeah like actual wisdom you're doing those josh gondolin pep talks you know because exactly yeah josh rules uh i'm taking the boxer jack johnson with my final pick what the fuck yeah that was i was it was between him and the buddha you double got me you double got me this trap left right left right jack johnson's instagram would be better i should have fucking done it the fucking galveston giant himself dude world champion boxer just laying people out and then a fucking playboy. Race car driving. Race car driving, just like Ric Flair, but actually fighting people. Just like living it.

Fucking mixing it up in the Harlem Renaissance up there too. Kicking people's asses. Just fucking phenomenal. Yeah, Jack Johnson would have gone crazy. Like boxers, I think they're probably still back to like royalty, but it's just different now. Like back then, it was like being like royalty like royalty you know like everybody called you the champ yeah yeah it was like lebron levels of fame it was like yeah crazy he was a fucking wild boy too man like yeah like america among you know what I mean? Like still racist, of course, but like extremely racist back then.

And he was just like, didn't give a fuck. He was just like, I'm, I'm, I'm the fucking champ of the world. Do something about it. Yeah.

He, yeah, man, that fucking, and then you would've gotten like training shit too. You would've gotten like playboy and then you would've gotten like, just him in the gym, like getting ready for the fight,

man. It would've been amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Picking up rocks or whatever they did to train. Just walking through a field in Montana, punching Buffalo. Yeah.

And then these comments would be crazy because he would be like, it would be like him and his white wife. And you just see guys melting down. Incel's melting down in the comments. Yeah, man. Him posting videos that were about to get graphic and then cutting it off. You know what I mean? Just to piss him off. Yeah, dude.

He was an American hero. Jack Johnson. In every way, somebody could be a hero. That does it. That wraps up the draft to recap. Sean, you went first. With your first pick.

I know. Pick of the day. Pick of the day. You took the Coliseum in Rome, which is a living and breathing thing of its own. It's a guy. It's a guy I met. Some guy named the Coliseum. You. Which is a living and breathing thing of its own. It's a guy. It's a guy I met. Some guy named the Coliseum.

You took Dr. Holliday. Doc Holliday. You took Marilyn Monroe, Leonardo da Vinci, and Alphonse Capone. Flair, you went second. You took Napoleon Bonaparte, Anne Boleyn, Andre the Giant, Pocahontas, and Albert Einstein. Oh, man. Andre the Giant. David, you went third.

You took Jesus Christ, Rasputin, Benjamin Franklin, Moms Mabley, and the Buddha. Walk into a bar. What are you doing? They walk into a Cheesecake Factory. Who gets out first? I went last. I took Monsa Musa, Marie Antoinette, Babe Ruth,

Ludwig the second and Jack Johnson good ass list wow red leather fuck beast what was your old pendulum dick

red leather fuck beast what a promotion good guy oh my god yeah man for everybody listening Isaac's buck naked

right now tasteful tasteful tasteful tasteful nice nipples I have to go Oh my god For everybody listening Isaac's buck naked right now Tasteful Tasteful Tasteful Nice nipples I have to go with our guy Billy Shakes William Shakespeare

You have to He was on the list He's like rehearsing With his actors You know He's like He's like You know

Cryptically taking pictures Of his new scripts Yeah I want to see him doing The Lin-Manuel Miranda lip bite Oh my god. Of course he does that. He was the original.

Good pick. We left some good ones on the board that I just want to shout out. I think Lord Byron would have been a great follow. He brought a bear to Cambridge. They told him Lord Byron, they were like, no dogs at Cambridge. He was like, got it. He showed up with a pet bear. He wasn't even rich like that They weren't rich lords

Zelda Fitzgerald Would have been amazing Oh Michelangelo Emily Dickinson For me Emily Dickinson Like the sad shit Like sad girl core

Yeah sad girl She would be so good at that Of course you would have picked her Yeah Red leather fuck beast. Little sad Emily Dickinson, huh? She is good. We know why she's sad.

She hasn't been in that Alfa Romeo in too long. She was a lesbian famously, but okay. She was? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I watched the Apple original show. You're right.

As soon as she gets her eyes on that Alfa Romeo, that ain't going to... Sylvia Plath then. Sylvia Plath. Yeah, sure. Hilda Doolittle. Howard Hughes would have been fun. That's a good one. Blackbeard would have been fun. The Pirate?

Yeah. He's talking about me. Yeah. Also Tupac. Tupac. Just barely missed it, but I would have loved a Tupac just barely missed it but I would have loved a Tupac I think it's I think it would have pushed me over

into not liking it you think? I don't know man I think had he been allowed to be terminally online I don't think it would have been great I wonder that's just me though

we just got talking about this the other night I talked probably for like an hour with someone just about like I just I think he I think he would have done so much good stuff

I really do I think he would have got I think he would have turned the corner good stuff. I really do. I think he would have got... I think he would have turned the corner like Snoop did where they stopped being violent and then just turned into a... But he would have been such a good actor and he would have put out so much more music and I just think he would have done so much good stuff. Anyway.

We were drunk. Goes without saying. We would like to hear your picks. Hit us up at Allfantasypod on twitter allfantasypodcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon thank you for holding us down the Patreon where you get access to our

mailbag episodes our auction draft episodes our video content our pre-roll footage our live episodes trailblazer merchandise so many other things right there on the Patreon. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Slackity,

on the AFE subreddit. Everybody, watch Blair's special on Veeps coming out December 1st. Available starting December 1st. Yeah, what's it called again? I forgot.

What's it called again? It's called Live from the Big Dog. Live from the Big Dog. Yeah. I just want to thank you guys so much for having me on because it's my favorite podcast in the world. And I love you all so much.

Especially you Red Leather Pussy Destroyer. And I think… Yeah. I would be really happy if you watched the special because it was like just 10 years of work. It's funny how that goes when you're like… Here it was like, um, just 10 years of, uh, work. It's funny how that goes when you're like, here it is. Yeah.

Here's everything I've been doing. Yeah. I love you guys. Thank you. We love you. You're one of our, uh, sorry,

go ahead, David. No, no, no, no, no. You're one of our favorite guests as a podcast.

You're one of our favorite people just as a person what were you saying? no I was just cutting in is that nice? and also we know the fucking listeners love you every time there's a Big Dog episode

people go fucking crazy people love it yeah you rule also I appreciate your texting I love you I love you all I love you too

I text you at the most inappropriate times I'm like your stalker so weird it's great one time you FaceTimed me I didn't pick up because I was scared

how dare you I have been getting into FaceTiming lately it's fun I just gotta FaceTime Max so much I'm just like

it's fun to FaceTime people check in a little bit the Red Leather Hog doctors say yeah FaceTime Hogzilla these things are I don't know if they're little bit yeah the red leather doctor is a uh face hogzilla i don't know if they're gonna be uh good i think they'll be good for you but i think eventually the sexual attention might cause you some sort of emotional distress oh man that's so funny congrats on your new car

thank you yeah congrats buddy I had to pee so bad. I love you guys. Get out of here. Get out of here. You're amazing. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than... Oh, shout out to Satan Sue Carmel. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of Old Fantasy Everything.

Shaklakity! That was a hate gun podcast.