All Fantasy Everything - Movies for When You're Hungover (w/ Shane Torres, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: April 5, 2018Hangovers and movies, they go together like... uh... fuck my head hurts. The Good Vibes Gang is joined by ol' Sampy P himself to draft movies for when you're hungover. See Privacy Policy at h...ttps://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
Come on, man.
The podcast that fucking handles this shit like a pro up top.
Got it on lockdown.
Fucking game tight, jeans on Team Strong.
Yeah.
And it reaches into the pocket of those jeans and just wraps its hand over whatever's in there,
takes it out, tosses it into the air.
And the shape, the lint, the coins, the loose piece of gum, the half a toothpick, the detritus,
the thread from the jean that came out, all of it floating in the air,
frozen there for a moment,
takes different shapes,
confuses the eye,
sends off synapse chains
that reminds you of everything
you've ever seen in your entire life.
And you look at it,
and for a moment you think,
what if we drafted some of that stuff?
What if we drafted some of that kind of stuff?
What if we drafted some of that stuff?
Why not?
That was a good one.
Thank you.
It comes and goes
in plateaus.
I think they're always there.
I don't even get that
certainly not.
You're one of the sweetest
men of all time
if not the sweetest.
I listen to it some weeks
and he'll be like,
the podcast that hates
fucking traffic.
A lot of it.
If I didn't have
decompression time,
that's what it would
have been again today.
Show me a podcast
that doesn't hate traffic.
Listen, I know that everyone in LA listens to this podcast.
Look at you, Comptown.
I don't want that Comptown beef.
Nick Mullen, way meaner than anyone on this podcast.
He's so funny, though.
He's so funny.
He's crazy funny.
I love that that dude's found a land.
Fucking Nick Mullen.
Yeah, dude's tight.
The grossest.
Comptown.
Yeah.
Just here, drink that up. You've got to say it like you're out of breath. The grossest. Calm down. Yeah, just here, drink that up.
You've got to say it like you're out of breath.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Where'd you just come from?
Shit, calm down.
Calm down.
It's not that podcast.
It's all fantasy and everything.
And we are here in the studio today.
Yeah, people fucking can't drive.
It's crazy.
I mean, you want to set it up, I'll go off.
Yeah, get it in.
It doesn't take much.
Jesus Christ, on the trip over here,
what motive does someone have for going 15 miles an hour in a 35?
A bad home life.
And then they make the light and I don't.
It's dangerous.
It's actually dangerous.
You know, maybe nine times out of ten,
it's like we all get to the red light at the same time.
Doesn't matter if I was going 15 or 35.
Sometimes, though, we miss getting through that light.
Fucking handle your shit.
There it is.
You know?
There it is.
Handle your shit.
Handle your shit.
I'm not driving, but I'm with it.
The thing is, like, I don't get what, like, if they're not on their phone, you know, like, I don't get what they're doing.
Oh, they're on their phone.
I don't understand their, like, some people I don't see them on their phone.
I'm just like, I don't even understand how you're moving this way.
I just don't, are they listening to whale noises?
Are they that calm?
Yeah, they just, yeah, it just freaks me out.
Is someone sitting at home like, what is it, 445?
I think I'll go out for a two-hour pleasure cruise.
Fuck, you get it?
I would do that.
If I had, if I had. Unless everything is sentimental it? I would do that. If I had... If it wasn't a big deal...
Unless everything is sentimental to them, they drive by.
If I had the right whip, yeah, I would just dip it in a traffic light for a minute.
You'd take it out for a rush hour pleasure cruise?
Yeah, but it's always like a Toyota Tacoma.
You gotta be seen.
Oh, no.
That's what happens in the streets.
Look, on the weekends, man, I couldn't be...
I'm cooler than a cucumber in that ride.
Yeah, I was going to say, the other day when you gave that dude the money,
we were driving by and you just kind of had to toss it.
Yeah.
I bet the car behind us was like, look at that guy throwing money.
Because I thought about that.
It was so nice.
Ian pulled up, but we were parked a little ways back,
so we couldn't hand the dude the money.
It was a green light.
We were turning left. And he goes,
I'm sorry, and just didn't throw it, but
it got to the guy. You tossed it towards him.
He's a kid, dude.
I bet you can't hit me with a quarter.
That guy's
going to live forever. Yeah, and I saw another one
that was my helicopter ran out of gas.
That's fun. He had a guy telling us jokes
at South by. Quarter for a joke.
Oh, yeah. Did you know, that's how they actually found the Taco Bell guy?
Was he had a bunch of clever signs outside this ad agency in New York, and they were
making a new campaign for Taco Bell for the sauce packets.
Oh.
And they hired that dude.
Really?
That's not real.
Nope.
It's not real.
Yeah.
It's not real at all.
It's not real at all.
I just want to keep you on your toes, Sean Jordan.
Pulling a Shane in the presence of Shane.
I would have got away with it.
Or golden gloves.
I thought it was losing steam in the middle.
I really thought you were talking about the chihuahua.
I thought you were talking about your golden.
That chihuahua could have lived on the streets.
That was Carlos Salazar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Deep pull, man.
Taco Bell knowledge.
Deep pull.
That's Sean Jordan you hear on the microphone. Sean S. Jordan. Yeah. Deep pull, man. Taco Bell knowledge. Deep pull. That's Sean Jordan you hear on the microphone.
Sean S. Jordan on Twitter.
Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on the gram.
Say a word.
What's going on, dude?
Nothing, man.
Just chilling.
Dude's Kate Broski.
I got hat sauce on.
Hat sauce is in the building.
See, Shane, it's a sriracha hat.
I call it hat sauce, you see.
It's his clever joke that he wrote this year.
You dropped that in the middle, just like in...
I was getting clowned on.
Apropos of nothing, in the middle of a live episode.
That was like your smoke bomb delete.
Call it hat sauce.
It was a smoke bomb, but it didn't work.
It didn't work at all.
What the fuck is he talking about?
It'd be like if somebody had you by the throat, and then you threw a smoke bomb, and they're
like, I'm holding you by the throat, dude.
I'm on you.
Yeah. Yes, I like on you. Bounce.
Yeah.
Yes, I like your hat.
Hat sauce.
I appreciate it, Shane.
You're very welcome.
Start paying,
run the jewels t-shirt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
RTJ too, I think.
Thrash your socks
and some kind of
beat up Nikes.
I look kind of
like a skateboarder.
You do look like a skateboarder.
You skateboard?
Every now and again.
Okay.
Skateboard all around
Pierre, North Dakota
as a youth.
Yeah, our dude.
Our man, dude.
What the fuck ever, bruh.
What do you got to promote?
Anything coming up?
No, man.
You know, listen to this podcast.
I'm here for a while.
Oh, you know, I'll start doing this.
I'm in Boise, Idaho at the end of April.
I'll be there.
Headlining on Thursday night, whatever the last Thursday in April is,
I'll be headlining the club.
Come on that night.
Are you doing Liquid Laughs?
Yes.
They got a heavy pour out there.
Yeah.
Yeah, they do.
Heavy pour.
Some bar I went to the last time I was there, I got everyone a round,
thinking I was balling, you know, and they're like,
it's going to be eight bucks or something for like five drinks.
And I go, no, I got all of them.
And she goes, I know that, honey.
Wild. Damn. So we I know that, honey. Wild.
Damn.
So we had a few more rounds.
We went to that bar.
Oh, God.
And they had dollar wells and dollar drafts.
And Sean was just like, I can get 20 of these.
You can't get a glass of water for that much here.
When he was talking about me workshopping,
in LA, you can't get a glass of water
for that much. I like it.
It's fun, right? I like it as much as
I like waffle toppers. It's waffle toppers.
Waffle toppers!
Waffle toppers!
Which is, we assume a hit,
because it just hasn't come out yet.
That episode comes out.
Is that your new breakfast restaurant?
Yeah, we went and drafted breakfasts.
I'm LeVar Ball in this
waffle tapas thing.
I got big plans. Of course you are.
I'm LeVar Ball
in a lot of shit.
I love it. Hat sauce.
Hat sauce. What, Shane?
Did you lock down a date for your album
recording yet? No, I did not, but it's gonna happen.
I'm waiting for me to email me back.
I want to
be there to boo you. To boo me? Yeah. Well, No, I did not, but it's going to happen. I'm waiting for me to email me back. I want to be
there to boo you.
To boo me? Well, Shane, I did a
really good job opening for you on yours when you
were nice enough to have me in Madison, Wisconsin.
Where we got those drinks. Here it is.
Here we go. Public.
Let's make it public. We made it 45 seconds in?
Yeah, let's do it. No, I'm in.
Turn off the heat. Come on, Shane.
Shane goes, I'll get you your plane ticket to get there.
And then he hits me with an email going, hey.
No, I said I'd get half of it.
Don't start bullshit.
He goes, Sean.
I thought I could do what I could do.
He goes, I got you a red-eye to Chicago, and then you can hop on the bus to Madison.
And I go, thank you.
Because it's so much cheaper.
Like, I'm making, like, a ton of money.
And by the way, you still flew into, like like Bismarck or wherever the fuck you're from.
Stopped and kissed the,
kissed Ralph Rushmore
and it was horrible.
Holy buckets.
I love you, buddy.
I love you to pieces.
I love you too.
The Black Hills
are south of Cora.
I thought you were about to bring up
about how they said my name wrong
when they brought me up.
Oh, they called him Sean,
what, Sean Torres?
Yeah.
That was my favorite.
My mom does that sometimes.
She'll call you Sean
and you Shane.
Wow.
That's different. I love part of that. Saint Sue. My mom does that sometimes. She'll call you Sean and you Shane. Wow. That's damn.
I love part of that.
Saint Sue.
Shout out.
Saint Sue.
She's never done anything wrong in her life.
So yeah.
So now sometimes your name is Sean.
Yeah.
That's calculated, man.
And your name is Shane, Sean.
I can handle it.
You're still David.
Thank you, man.
Who else could be?
Who else could be David?
Denzel.
Denzel.
I've been saying it for years yeah denzel uh a young
a young burt reynolds chubby chubby idris elba fat diddy could be me whoa fat diddy fat diddy
that's diddy's gonna get fat at some point it's gonna be the best right it's gonna be the best
you see it creeping up every now and then it's it's just going to be filled with like Ciroc.
God.
And like a lot of cream sauce.
Rich fat.
You see it in his cheeks a lot.
Yeah.
When he's a little bigger.
Yeah.
Around the holidays.
He's waving his cheeks.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
I love a Christmas ditty.
A Christmas ditty.
Shimmying down your tree.
Shimmying down your chimney.
He can shimmy down my tree, dude.
That's fine.
Do it. Do the shimmy. He's Harlem shaking his way down your tree. Shimmying down your chimney. He can shimmy down my tree, dude. That's fine. Do it.
Do the shimmy.
He's Harlem shaking his way down your chimney.
You got to leave him a signed wrapper at the table.
A 360, dude.
He just has a little recording session.
You got to leave him one of the locks.
You can get them.
They're available.
They're doing shit.
Also joining us here today on the podcast, Sugar Shane Torres.
The Night Tiger.
The Night Tiger, a.k.a. Syrup Mountain, a.k.a. the Big Cranberry.
The Hispanic Titanic.
The Hispanic Titanic, a.k.a. you can thank your roommate for this one, Sarah Appleby Sanders.
Did she send that to you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She let us know.
Yeah.
Getting it from everywhere.
Both coasts I get it from.
Did she call you that
like when a bill comes in?
Sarah Appleby Sanders.
She just...
Does she come when a bill comes in?
Just something serious.
You make an announcement
when the bill comes in?
We have a very whimsical
little way we handle ourselves
with the Glendale crew.
It's fun.
It's fun.
We like to enjoy things.
We've only been living together
for like two months,
so maybe we'll get
some nice traditions
like that going.
Shout out to Jane.
Yeah, she's the best.
Fantastic.
What are you guys
going to do for Christmas?
Ooh.
I don't know.
Hot buttered rum.
I don't know what we'll do.
Maybe we'll fly you guys out
and you can all stay in our tiny apartment.
Yeah, we'll come out.
That's the size of the living room of your apartment.
We'll take a red-eyed Providence
and then hop the bus from Providence here.
You're right.
I'll never bring you to anything again.
Come in here dressed like a goddamn fucking
hot topic manager.
Skateboarder, dude.
Skateboarder.
Hat touch.
That one cut. That one cut. That's pretty much. Topic manager. Skateboarder, dude. Skateboarder. Hat touch. That one cut.
That one cut.
That's pretty fun.
Hot Topic manager.
Listen, we went into Hot Topic and couldn't find a belt for your boy.
Do you know about this?
I told Sean, yeah.
I listened to the podcast.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Because, you know, every week I get a new scar from you.
You're going to get a big one on Thursday.
Wait until last week.
I heard.
Yeah, yeah.
Because we knew you'd be here.
So we were.
I don't remember exactly what we week. I heard. Yeah, yeah. You have it. Because we knew you'd be here. I don't remember
exactly what we said,
but it was...
I blacked out.
Yeah, it was all in jest.
Yeah, you guys
were real shitty though, yeah?
Yeah, me.
Who else was here
besides...
Adam, Kate, and Holland.
Okay, good.
He's a good person.
He tried to stick up for you
and we killed him.
I'm sure he did.
He's decent.
Well, his Instagram's
pretty busy for a dead guy.
You half-hour boys.
Half-hour boys.
Speaking of bringing people to things from earlier,
I set up my segue before we kept talking.
At Shane Torres on Twitter, at Shane Torres on Instagram.
I thought it was Syrup Mountain.
I think it is Syrup Mountain on Instagram.
Syrup Mountain on Instagram.
For some reason, I always look up the Twitter
and never look up the Instagram.
It's been my tradition.
It's a little thing I do for me.
It's a thing I keep to myself.
You got to have those things.
You have to have those things.
Otherwise, what's life?
It's that and I spit at Sean's door every night.
Good.
Yeah.
My ear is always right next to the door, too, just in the room listening.
You want to hear a ting off this thing.
You want to hear a ting off the knob.
And then I go to bed, you know?
That's good.
First of all, where the
fuck can people see you
soon?
Where do you...
Where do you like to do the...
When is this coming out?
It's coming out a week from Thursday.
I'll be at Cap City
in Austin. Austin, Texas?
The day this comes out through Saturday.
Oh, hell yeah.
Who are you emceeing for? Austin, Texas. The day this comes out through Saturday. Oh, hell yeah. They got sampler platters.
Who are you emceeing for?
Sean and I switch here.
I will be headlining, thank you very much.
And then I'll be in Pittsburgh at the Burning Bridges Festival.
You know something about.
I don't know.
You've never burned a bridge in your life?
Do I get through any of it? No. I walked in when you were burning that bridge. I don't know. You've never burned a bridge in your life? Do I get through any of it?
No!
I walked in when you were burning that bridge.
I remember that night.
You had a dagger in your hand.
I've never seen a dagger.
I'd never seen a real dagger until that night.
I'd never seen an actual dagger or a cow's head separated from a cow.
And that both.
On that night, Jell-O.
You had a lot of Jell-O there for some reason.
Just in your cheeks?
Yeah.
And what was her name?
Susan?
Luce Jell-O.
Excuse me?
It's not a real story, man.
No, I know.
It's not.
It's just a bunch of random words as far as I can tell.
Pittsburgh?
Yeah.
I'll be in Pittsburgh.
And then...
Get Sean some groundless classes.
Shane's going to be in Pittsburgh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So come see me at Cap State.
Oh, they don't all go where I want them to.
Can I say thank you to Ariel and Tom for coming out in Dallas this week?
They are big listeners to the podcast.
You cannot.
No.
We're going to edit that out.
They come because of this podcast.
They're like, why don't these?
We will thank our listeners.
We will thank our listeners.
Go ahead and thank them.
Thank them for coming to my show.
Because you guys can't ever make it to the great state of Texas.
We're just there.
Two weeks ago.
Oh, you're down there in Austin with all those liberals.
I was there for eight days.
I'm bleeding barbecue.
I'm young brisket now.
David's got a nice face.
I'm the face of young brisket.
Did you hit the hot springs while you were there?
No.
No, I don't.
Hit the hot sauce? Although the groundlings were Sean.
It's not a big deal. Hit the hot sauce on the pole and springs.
That's what he is.
My man.
When were we thinking for coming up?
Ariel and Tom.
They came up from Corsicana, Texas.
Shout out to you, Ariel and Tom.
They love the podcast a lot.
He said he looks forward to it every
single week. That's so nice.
So fucking cool.
So people can see you in
Austin, Cap City, Pittsburgh.
Yeah, and then just shaneisacomedian.com.
I'll be around. Yeah. shaneisacomedian.com.
Yeah, and I'll be at Clusterfest in San Francisco.
Fantastic. They'll be fine without
me plugging that, I'm sure.
Yeah.
Is Blink-182 performing? yeah is blink-182 performing i don't think so some weird band is performing oh is there yeah yeah
yeah there's i bet it's good charlotte i made a subway ad i'm on the poster
i made a poster no like i'm on the poster for Clusterfest in the Subways. Oh, God. Okay, I thought it was for the sandwich company.
I thought so, too.
You made your own time?
You made your fan fiction Subway?
Well, they're looking for a new pitch guy.
You are looking slimmer.
You could hold up big pants.
Thank you.
I'm getting there.
But, yeah, it was a very...
I saw myself...
Comedy Central put out a bunch of posters for the Clusterfest thing.
Where in Subway?
Or where...
All over, every subway,
every train in New York City.
That's fucking awesome.
It's very small, right below everybody
and then Amy Schumer and John.
Don't worry about it, man.
You're doing you.
Living life, I love it.
Yeah, I get there.
Yeah, I'm thrilled about it.
I could say nice things too.
This is weird because... It's like watching a... I'm just like, I don I love it. Yeah, I get in there. Yeah, I'm thrilled about it. Yeah. I could say nice things, too. This is weird because...
It's like watching a...
I'm just like,
more tennis matches.
Yeah, I don't like it.
Yeah.
Is Zach going to be
making weird noises?
Ugh!
Ugh!
Ugh!
Ugh!
Ugh!
Ugh!
Ugh!
Ugh!
Ugh!
Yeah.
Halt.
All right, cool.
David Borey, that person I was playing tennis with,
the G is silent.
Hella tennis.
Cool guy jokes 87.
The face of young brisket.
The face of young brisket.
The face of Coddy Sark.
The face of Air Max Day is every day.
Air Max Day is every day?
Every day.
Spirit Airlines is in talks.
Yeah, Spirit Airlines.
Might be a buzz ball guy.
Young buzz ball on the airplane. Young buzz ball. I've never had a buzz ball, man. Yeah, Spirit Airlines. Young Buzzball guy. Young Buzzball on the airplane.
Young Buzzball.
I've never had a Buzzball, man.
I'm going to find Spirit.
That blows my mind because Buzzball is huge.
Oh, those little cocktail can things?
You can only get them on Spirit, right?
No, you can also get them in liquor stores.
Really?
Yeah, in the corner stores.
Spirit is also not a distillery.
Well, Spirit is a liquor store in the sky.
Yeah.
They sell all this stuff.
Where you can put your backpack if it's very, very small.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But not one of those nice liquor stores.
No.
No, no, no.
The ones that sell loose cigarettes.
Yeah.
And the guys behind glass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like a thrift mart of some kind.
It's not clean.
It's like chicken that they made there.
Yeah.
But you don't see a fryer anywhere.
They got those little tiny roses
and those little glass pipes.
You know what that's for.
What are those for?
Crack smokers.
Meth smokers, yeah.
But has anyone ever bought that
and gave it to a mom?
No, I mean...
It must have happened.
Just statistically,
somebody must have bought
one of those little roses
thinking like,
oh, that's nice
and then they gave it
to their sweetheart
and their sweetheart
started smoking crack.
And she was running with a different crowd.
That's why they sell cheap socks
at a lot of those places too
is for huffing paint.
Really?
No way, I didn't know that.
Man, I huffed oven cleaner one time.
What was that like?
It's weird.
It felt like there was like
a bead of hot sweat
running down the crack of my ass.
Whoa.
I wonder if there was.
Huffing oven cleaner should...
That could be also what happened.
That should clear cholesterol out of your veins.
Did I put the oven?
You said you were sweating.
It was a bad joke. Keep going.
We were snowed in and it doesn't take a long time
for some of us
Colorado boys to start getting wily.
You just show up
with a sock and some oven cleaner. Snow day, dudes.
No, we were snowed in and my
buddy Jason like three hours
in was like, we could like have
some oven cleaner. And everybody was like, yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Jesus, Marion.
That's so tight. You know, so did I.
Anyways, you can't see me anywhere.
Oh, you can't see me, dude.
I don't know. I don't have any crazy days.
I think I'm going to be in Phoenix April 21st.
I might be in New York early in April, but I'm not sure,
so I don't want to put that juju out there.
Keep you out of the streets.
AOP listeners.
Finger on the pulse.
But I'm around.
You know what I mean?
You can find me.
You know where I'm at.
You ain't hard to find.
I ain't hard to find.
Just look for the oven cleaner.
Just Google Fat Diddy. Yeah. Google where where I'm at. You ain't hard to find. Just look for the oven cleaner. Just Google Fat Diddy.
Google where is Fat Diddy.
Where's Fat Diddy at?
Young Brass Get Blood.
Oh, DavidBorey.com coming soon, I swear.
Okay, alright.
But it's not going to be what you think. It's going to be a Netflix killer.
It's the next thing.
We've got a lot of projects.
He's already got the rights to
Herman's Head, Empty Nest.
McHale's Nave.
Herman's Nave.
Johnny Winnebago.
Johnny Winnebago.
Is that real?
Yeah, that was real.
Briscoe County Junior.
Oh, man.
Brisket County Junior.
Brisket County Junior.
That's our original.
Running Wild.
Brisket County.
I'd watch it.
And Sandy Wexler, too.
You heard it here first.
That's right.
Check it out.
$88 a month.
Next to Young Briscuit, we got the one Ian Carmel.
Oh, thank you, Sean.
Yeah, I'm here, too.
What are you doing?
Whoa!
Don't disrupt the natural order, Shane.
I feel bad.
I feel like Shane is coming in and you're showing off.
Sean just stole the ball from his own teammate.
Yeah, dude.
I just feel bad because you always have to do it to yourself.
I can throw myself
an alley-oop off the backboard.
I do it all the time.
That's his job.
He's good at it.
Well, I'll just go fuck myself.
I don't go to your job
and knock the cock sauce hat off your head
or whatever you do.
Hat sauce.
I don't understand your job.
Hat sauce.
It's not his foul.
He doesn't work as blue as you.
It's not his foul.
I get it.
All right.
Now Shane's doing it. We're all in. It felt weird having you team me up. I'll lob you as blue as you. It's not as foul. I get it. All right. Now Shane's doing it.
We're all in.
It felt weird having you team me up.
I'll mob you every now and again.
I've done that sometimes.
I don't feel comfortable.
I've never seen it before.
My blood ran cold.
All right.
You know what's weird about it?
I became a little less Jewish.
I didn't like it.
No.
No, you did not.
I'm going to talk without any accent now for the duration of the podcast.
Well, now I don't like it.
Now my blood's freezing.
And I'm going to pick it up.
Yeah.
I didn't feel good about it.
Now David is our Jewish podcaster.
Bar Mitzvah and everything.
A hundred percent.
Fuck.
That's right back there.
Yeah, Addie and Carmel across platform.
I have a website too.
I'm not going to tell you fucking idiots.
You'd be so lucky to visit my website.
It's awesome.
Grooving a far out kind of way?
Yeah, yeah.
Super cool, dude.
It's a sunny afternoon with the windows down on the radio up.
Oh, yeah.
But it's a website.
Oh, shit.
IanCarmel.com.
Where can you see me?
I'm going to be at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival.
I'm glad they dropped the oddity.
They used to call it the Moon Tower Comedy and Oddity Festival.
There were no oddities.
Was it just Brody Stevens? It was just Brody Stevens, yeah. Or like that Puddles of the Clown, I guess, is technically an oddity. They used to call it the Moontower Comedy and Oddity Festival. There were no oddities. Was it just Brody Stevens?
It was just Brody Stevens, yeah.
Or like that puddles
of the clown, I guess,
is technically an oddity.
That's odd.
It's funny, man.
I'll be there April 19th
through the 21st.
We'll be doing a live
All Fantasy everything.
I think I can announce
who's going to be on it.
Fuck it.
This is subject to change,
but it's going to be me,
Sam Jay,
writer for their
Saturday Night Live, and fantastic stand-up comedian, and the Sklar Brothers. That's going to be me Sam Jay writer for their Saturday Night Live
and fantastic stand-up comedian
and the Sklar brothers
that's going to be so good
nice
yeah dude
in my head
this is
I have no grounds for this
yeah
but in my head
I thought you were going to say Ludacris
and Ludacris
I don't know why
I just think Ludo would be great on this
Ludo would be good
yeah
he'd be so good at it
we could draft
combinations
and he could take chicken and beer hey Kidd yeah that would be good. Yeah. He'd be so good at it. We could draft combinations, and he could take chicken and beer.
He could.
Yeah.
That would be a fun one.
Demonstrating a cursory knowledge of Ludacris's body of work, and he could draft chicken and beer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A big shoe and a little shoe.
There you go.
He could draft.
We could have Nelly on, and he could draft a sweat and a suit.
Sweat and a suit.
Oh, okay. There we go. A leather and a baseball jersey He could draft. We could have Nelly on and he could draft a sweat and a suit. Sweat and a suit. Oh, okay.
There we go.
A leather and a baseball jersey he could draft.
Other than that, listen to all fantasy everything.
Be nice to your friends and family.
I don't know what else.
Oh, yeah.
We'll get around to shout outs.
Do we have any shout outs?
Message of life. We've been slacking on the pimp and turn it up.
I don't have any shout outs.
I don't know why I made that so personal.
Yeah.
Chad Hatton. Shout out hard, man. I don't know why I made that so personal. Yeah, Chad Hatton.
Shoutout hard, man. I'm sorry.
You know, if this,
if listening to this helps everything,
then I'm there, man.
You'll get through it.
Shoutout to Chad. Chad accidentally saw
a picture of Shane.
Yeah, scared the shit out of me.
Didn't know men could look like that.
Didn't know that's what a real man was.
He was just on the charge, baby.
Shane, you been at the gym every day?
Every day, but a lot of days.
A lot of days, dude.
Not as much as you.
Are you mentioned?
Yes.
What are you throwing up, dude?
Like 175 is where I'm at right now.
Atta babe.
Atta babe.
Not enough.
I'm trying to find more shots, but I'm bad at organizing this.
Shout out to my buddy Blake.
He listens to the podcast every week.
You met him.
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, a guitar player.
I did.
He's fucking rad.
Yeah, he's awesome.
Oh, you're also thinking of Andy.
Are you not thinking of Andy, too?
Andy's also fucking rad.
Andy's insane.
The whole crew there was...
What was this, down in Texas?
Yeah.
It was like...
What's Texas?
Yeah.
It was tight, down in Texas? Yeah. It was like... What's Texas? El Paso.
But yeah, Blake loves the podcast.
He listens to it.
We have a group thread
between me, him, and our two other
best friends we grew up with. And anytime
you guys shit on me, he just cuts it and puts
it in...
It must be a busy group thread.
But he also sends memes all the time
Oh no, that's where we're getting grouped in with memes
Kids love it
Today we aren't just gathered here to rip on each other
Today we are also gathered here to draft one of our favorite things
Flavors of M&M's
No, today we're
Extinct candies
Blue Blue, yeah Red Cums. No. Extinct candies. We are drafted.
Blue.
Blue.
Yeah.
Red.
Do you guys know anyone who thinks those are different flavors?
No.
Me neither.
Well, I hope not.
Yeah, no.
Fuck it.
Well, they are, right?
Dog.
No.
Okay, good.
We're gathered here today.
Well, they taste a little different sometimes.
They do.
They do.
Okay, listen.
It's really more about how long you hold it in your hand.
Yeah, dog.
It's like, yeah.
They actually melt in your mouth, not in your hand, though.
Did you know that?
I heard that.
Yeah, yeah.
I heard that with my bad ear.
That's bullshit.
If you're out in the streets, if you're out here moving and shaking, they will melt in
your hand all the different colors.
And with the new ones, you're just left with pretzel.
The chocolate doesn't melt in your hand all the different colors. And with the new ones, you're just left with pretzel. The chocolate doesn't melt in your hand.
Instead, you get these weird, like your hand looks like a watercolor painting.
Yeah.
The chocolate doesn't melt. The color does, though.
The color melts.
Yeah, the color melts in your hand.
You feel like a little baby that doesn't know how to eat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You mash it in your mouth.
Yeah.
We're drafting a hangover movie, something we know a lot about.
Yes.
And not the popular Zach Galifianakis vehicle, The Hangover.
But you could pick that.
You can pick that.
Yeah, you can.
But movies to watch when you're hungover.
We're thinking like usually a Sunday, but sometimes also a Saturday on the couch.
You're thinking like TBS programming.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just all fucked up off a party the next day.
Postmating food
from around the block.
You can see it
and you're like,
I see him picking it up
right now.
Eating more calories
in a hangover food
than you consumed
in alcohol the night before
which is in and of itself
a feat.
But sometimes,
somehow it feels like
you're getting back to square.
It feels healthy.
Taking a shower
that suddenly turns
into a bath.
Do you have to be hungover for that?
I just do that when I'm sad.
Sometimes I just sit down and I'm just like, this is how it's going today.
I just take shampoo and just squeeze it on top of myself.
Just hangover.
Eating what can only be described as a medical pizza.
Yeah.
That kind of shit.
Indulging.
Now, we're drafting that.
And to determine the order of that draft, we're going to play a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Play between the three of you.
Fuck you, dude.
You throw on shoot, and here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
Oh, Sean Jordan wins!
Sean Jordan wins.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh, like a girl.
It's up to Sean to determine the order of the draft.
And before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft.
What does that mean?
That's a great question.
So serpentine is kind of like back and forth.
It's sort of like what the lie detector needle would do if you were to hook our guest up and ask him if he was ever a Golden Gloves boxer.
Oh, yeah.
I think the lie detector needle just might go back and forth rapidly because Shane would say, yes, I was a Golden Gloves boxer. Oh, yeah. I think the lie detector needle just might go back and forth rapidly because Shane would
say, yes, I was a Golden Gloves boxer when, in fact, you were not.
Is serpentine like a long, antiquated analogy every Thursday at one o'clock?
Six or seven years, maybe.
Did you box with Golden Gloves?
I still kind of believe the Golden Gloves thing.
You guys can all find out if you want.
I respect that, Ian.
I respect that.
I'll give you breaks in between rounds.
A little sweet chin music.
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
Sean's going to catch a two-piece before this whole thing is done.
I don't think he'll be up after a while.
He's a featherweight.
I'll stick and move him.
I'm an ankle biter.
Basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round.
Yeah, that's what it means.
Now, Sean, what is the order of today's All Fantasy Everything Hangover of a Movie draft going to be?
Man.
You just look at me with a shit-eating grin and I don't like it.
Well, I love you.
It's so angry.
No, it's not angry.
We should all get wings after this.
Damn, Gina.
All right.
Well, now that changed the whole thing.
We're not even having a draft. We're leaving. We're leaving. Damn, Gina. All right. Well, now that changed the whole thing. We're not even having a draft.
We're leaving.
We're leaving.
Sorry, guys.
Me, Shane, David, Ian.
Okay.
And then back.
That was a horseshoe.
I just wanted...
Well, bitch,
I wanted to go last.
I had a feeling
that you might...
I feel like you just
say that all the time.
Yeah.
No, I like going last.
You like doubling up.
Yeah, I like doubling up.
Yeah, you like...
Okay, I get it.
I get it.
Sorry I said bitch. I didn't mean it okay, I get it, I get it. Sorry I said bitch.
I didn't mean it in a pejorative.
I know it's bad that we still do that,
but I feel good that we notice it now.
It's so fun to say.
Yeah, yeah.
Completely in jest.
And you should hear my mouth off air.
Way more offensive.
You should hear him in traffic.
I'm sorry, there is absolutely,
you shouldn't hear me in traffic.
You should hear me in traffic.
But I got it from my mama and my daddy.
They're both angry in traffic.
But by no means do we think that bitch is a pejorative in the sense that females are any lesser than men.
Or that the qualities of being feminine whatsoever is something that is less than.
Just to establish that.
And if you're an All Fantasy Everything listener, you feel the same way.
Bitch, only among friends.
Only friends are bitches. Yeah. but all my bitches aren't friends i don't today's episode of all fantasy brought to you
by fucking known better all right that's good yeah accurate by manners yeah anyway sean jordan
yeah you've established the order you have the first pick i do thrilled about it. In the All Fantasy Everything hungover movie draft.
And with that first pick.
I know what he's doing.
I don't know that you do.
I think I do.
I don't know.
I think you have an idea.
First pick's going to be Independence Day.
Oh, I didn't know.
I didn't know at all.
No.
No.
Does the speech get you up off the couch?
It's just perfect. Yeah, it's off the couch? It's just perfect.
Yeah, it's a good one.
It's just a perfect movie, and the second it goes on,
I feel like this is going to be a recurring theme,
but the second I see any part of Independence Day,
that's the rest of however long that movie is.
That's what I'm doing.
That's exactly what I'm doing.
What's your favorite part of Independence Day?
Come on, dude.
It's the speech, man.
It's got to be the speech.
That's the speech, yeah. Yeah, it's got to be the speech. That's the speech. Yeah.
Yeah, it's got to be the speech.
I like when Will Smith gets up and he's realizing that there's aliens about when he just walks
out front and he's got his dog tags on.
He picks up the paper, stubs his toe, and then he looks and he sees a huge spaceship
and then he's like, time to go to work.
Neighbors are scared.
Time to go handle it. My favorite part is all the Harvey F yeah what are you just like time to go handle it
my favorite part is
all the Harvey Fierstein
it is great
it is great
why not more Harvey Fierstein
go to anesthesia
go to anesthesia
so sue me David
I love him
I love him in that
and I love him in
one or the other
yeah yeah yeah
which I don't think
anyone's gonna
you look just like mom
Harvey Fierstein's great, dude.
Shout out to Harvey Fierstein.
He's a friend of the program.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a great movie.
It's a great movie.
That was like the special effects movie when it came out.
Oh, shoot.
That was when they marketed it.
It came out on July 4th.
Yeah.
I had a toy.
That movie was massive.
I saw it the day it came out in the theater.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What were you wearing?
Probably some JNCOs.
I know.
Some of those jeans that cut off looked like you threw a jean seat at the ground and you grew out of it because everybody couldn't even see your feet.
Big dog t-shirt.
Can't run with the big dog.
Stay on the porch.
I never did. Bitch. Big dog t-shirt. Can't run with the big dog. Stay on the porch. I never did.
Bitch.
Your boy.
Your boy.
The gal who works at the coffee shop by my house was wearing JNCOs the other day.
Damn, yeah.
The other day?
They just went out of business, apparently.
They tried to bring them back.
They just went out of business?
Yeah.
Really?
If you're that AFV fan, if you're sitting on some vintage JNCOs.
Or you know any Juggalos that you find.
Are they into that?
I feel like that's what they dress like.
Well, they were.
I can attest to that because I used to be one.
You weren't a Juggalo.
No, I wasn't a Juggalo.
You just appreciated Juggalo culture.
I just like the life, you know?
You can't be a Juggalo and a Crip.
You're looking at him, dude.
And I made it out the other side.
What is that person?
What do you think I put on my Hot Topic Manager reference sheet?
Juggalo.
Juggalo.
Juggalo first, Grip second.
Do you have any leadership experience?
Father's third.
I was in charge of jumping people in for a while.
They sat me down.
They go, forget everything you think you know.
About the Juggalo?
Oh, I thought you were saying that's how you got into the Juggalo.
Hot Topic?
No, Hot Topic. Forget everything you think you know about About the juggler? Is that? Oh, I thought you were saying that's how you got into the juggler. Hot topic? No, hot topic.
Forget everything you think you know
about white studded belts.
And I knew a lot.
They were white studded.
Forget everything you think you know
about airborne toxic event t-shirts.
Yeah, that was a long delete.
Forget everything you think you know
about fake dog shit in a can.
Forget everything you think you know
about a wardrobe featuring
exclusively the Joker.
Slipknot fingerless gloves, dude.
How many pairs of Nightmare Before Christmas socks do you have?
Forget everything you think you know about sex dice that we will sell to children.
Encouraged, dude.
They did.
I didn't know what to do.
Nibble and elbow.
I'm dead.
It's like an always bebe-closing kind of speech
on a hot topic. Forget everything you think
you know about a Jack Skellington hoodie that
zips up the front so it looks like you're Jack
Skellington.
Oh my god. Forget everything
you think you know about a good Charlotte
Funko Pop figurine.
You know a lot of things. Yeah, you and I.
You nailed it, dude.
Also, shout out to good Charlotte.
Shout out to good Charlotte.
Remember the time they made the baseball team and we all laughed at them?
The Little Things.
Little Things, Little Things.
It was a deep Little Things reference.
It's fine.
I missed it.
Yeah, Independence Day.
I'll be the Benji Madden until you're the other one Madden. Joel missed it. I got your back. Yeah, Independence Day. I'll be the Benji Madden
until you're the other
one Madden.
Joel.
The other one Madden.
Joel did.
Isn't one of them dead?
One of them's married
to Ashley Simpson.
One of them's married
to like Cam Diaz
or some crazy shit
like that.
Did one of them do
something real bad though?
I know a comic named
Andrew Gold who got him
and his buddies got in
a fight with Good
Charlotte in Florida.
Whoa.
Did they?
Who won?
I'm pretty sure they won.
Aren't they? Yeah.
I think...
Or maybe it was Sum 41 he got in a fight with.
Oh, I don't know.
Those are different fights.
Nobody wins.
Are they different fights?
That's AVP, dude, whoever wins we lose.
Oh, man, Sum 41?
They're Canadian.
Don't disrespect any Canadian in this studio.
I listen to this podcast every week.
You shit on Canadians with frequency.
We do not.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Out of love.
Shane.
Easy.
Easy.
All right.
Put your shirt on.
I'm sticking up for them right now.
Put your shirt on.
I always have my shirt on.
Hair in a ponytail.
I wear a shirt to the shower.
I have shame.
I am Shane.
I have shame, not Shane.
Shane's got two crocodiles and a headlock.
Wearing their teeth already. And I'm making them kiss.
Like a very strong child.
He's got his shirt
off and he's got the flag of Texas
on his chest. It's rippling even though his body
isn't moving. Somehow he's got the first
tattoo that moves. It's because of my fat.
Because he's chiseled. I just want to paint a picture
for the...
This is album cover shame. This is crazy.
Yeah. Tim Duncan's here, just
having his back. It's wild.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Dirk Nowitzki's here, just having his back.
Oh, are you a Mavs guy? Oh, he's a Mavs guy.
Yeah. And we lived in the same
Jewish home when the Mavs won the championship.
Jewish Catholic.
It was good.
I was happy for my friends.
You drew a very graphic picture of me on that dry erase board.
Getting BF'd by
the end.
That's a classic BF.
It was really...
I wasn't even like...
It was very funny, but I was like,
you put some time into it.
Detail, yeah, absolutely.
A man can be an artist in many things. Detail, yeah, yeah, absolutely. He was pulling my hair.
A man can be an artist in many things.
A man can be an artist in anything.
Music art.
Ian Carmelzad is drawing Dirk Nowitzki having sex with Shane Thornton.
That day he painted his masterpiece.
That's really good.
I have a picture of it on an old phone.
It's a beautiful act.
I wanted to give it a beautiful treatment.
Independence Day, man.
On the spot.
Bill Pullman or Bill Paxton? Right now. Answer me. Paxton. Pull a Paxton. Paxton to give it a beautiful treatment. Independence Day, man. On the spot. Bill Pullman or Bill Paxton? Right now.
Answer me. Paxton. Puller Pax. Puller Pax.
Paxton. Is it?
Yeah. Is it Bill Paxton? Oh, I thought you were
asking my personal... No. Who's in Independence Day?
Oh, it's Bill Pullman. I thought you were just asking Pullman
or Paxton. I honestly
thought you were just asking me to pick a bill.
Paxton from Fort Worth, Texas. Because people always mix them up.
But yeah. No, it's Pullman for sure. Okay, cool.
Yeah. Bill Pullman. That was my speech, too.
All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It still gives me goosebumps.
I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it.
You know what's wild about Independence Day?
Did anyone else, it's a fully crazy racist thing.
For some reason, I think the internet made me think this,
that when Will Smith punches that alien,
he says, welcome to Earth.
So many people thought that.
He says Earth.
Yeah.
No, he says it fully clearly Earth.
And he doesn't say. I knew it was in the commercials. I knew a bunch of people who. He says Earth. No, he says it fully clearly Earth. And he doesn't say...
I knew it was in the commercials.
I knew a bunch of people who thought he said Earth.
And I have no idea why.
That is racist.
People throw bitch on there, too.
People, like, whenever they say that,
they think that he said, like, welcome to Earth, bitch.
Really?
I'm just kidding.
Really?
Really, bro?
That's how you got to approach customers, a hot topic.
What's up, bro? Like that guy did got to approach customers. A hot topic. What's up, bro?
Like the guy did to you.
We were in the mall.
Oh, okay.
Zoomies.
The fucking loser.
Oh, yeah.
What was that?
The fucking loser.
This guy sucks so bad.
That's right.
Because it was like we were just hanging out at a mall because we don't go anywhere else.
Were we shopping for your Conan outfit?
No, this wasn't that time.
Oh, okay.
No, it wasn't that time. Don't okay. No, it wasn't that time.
Don't do it.
No, I'm not.
Do what?
I know exactly what.
I listen to the...
I know the shit you say.
I don't say anything.
I did that to your face.
You did.
You did.
I will say that.
I will say that.
Any mean thing you guys say on this podcast will get said to my face.
The dude came up to me or whatever and he was walking.
Because we were goofing around like we were duggying.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And he was like...
Were you goofing around like you or were you just hitting the duggie?
I'm not ashamed of you.
I might have just been hitting the duggie.
That's fine.
I mean, I might have just been duggying, but the guy came up like,
something to the effect of like.
He said, I'm about to D you up, bro.
What's up, bro?
You play ball?
I'll D you up, bro.
He said it just like in zoomies.
Criminal to aggro.
In zoomies?
It was weird.
He came in hot.
And then we were like, all right, well, there, we just turned around and left.
Like, it was like, this guy does not know how to make a sale.
And I was going to buy Zoomies that day, so boy, did he miss out.
Is that a sandwich chain?
Zoomies?
It's like a mall skate shop.
Yeah.
I wasn't really going to buy anything at Zoomies.
You just go in there kind of to see what the dudes say.
They'll sell you a checkerboard pair of Vans.
Oh, say no more.
I get it.
Yeah, they'll bring it up.
Wall chain.
A Rob Dyrdek picture that's autographed.
But also more sunglasses than you'd expect.
Like a jam board.
Yeah, a jam board.
A graphic hoodie with something kind of weird on it.
Yeah.
Assortment of trucker hats.
Yeah.
Yeah, like a weird pink Obey trucker hat.
Yeah.
A lot of Obey in there.
If PacSun grew up in the Midwest.
That's exactly what it is.
Yeah, it's kind of that kind of store.
Okay, I get it.
I get it.
This podcast is now just describing stores in the mall, by the way.
Hope you're ready.
We all do like the mall.
Independence, did you ever see the sequel to it?
Yeah, I did.
Yeah.
It took me a couple sittings.
I never watched it.
I love that you took it.
I better give this another shot.
There's a lot.
There's a lot lot There's more here
There's probably a lot to think about
It's got one of the Hemsworths in it
Independence Day 2 feels like there'd be
A guy named Jai in it
In like the top four
Yeah absolutely
I know exactly what you mean
Like a Jai
Jai Stevenson
I didn't like it
Where does this rank on Bill Smith movies for you?
Top?
Top one?
No, no.
We might get into some more.
Okay, cool.
We might get into some more.
Sean celebrates his whole catalog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The man's entire catalog.
He's a genius.
Independence Day.
For you, it's one of those movies that you just pick up anyway.
That's what makes it great.
Yeah, every single time.
It's an extremely watchable movie.
Very watchable. Not a ton to think
about. You've seen it enough that you can
fade in, fade out. And that's part of my
fun with these pics is like you don't
you can just have yourself a day
and then pick it back up wherever you
left it, like if we get to talking or something.
And then we're just like, oh shit, speech. Plus
when the big
spaceship shoots the laser beam down, it
reminds you of what you just did in the bathroom.
Because you're hungover.
And then the toilet just explodes.
I go, Ian, let's just watch the rest of Independence Day before I tell you about the toilet.
Yeah.
And how it exploded.
It's got some good Randy Quaid in it, too.
It's got some good blue laser shit.
It does have some good Randy Quaid.
Not top Randy Quaid, but some good high performance Randy Quaid.
Top Randy Quaid is just him existing in the world.
It is getting weird in that dude's head.
Big weirdo.
Yeah, that guy's hanging on.
He thinks he's Big Meech, Larry Hoover.
Shane, it's time for your first pick.
I didn't have a definitive number one.
Oh, that's bad.
That's how you open.
That's how you listen to the podcast.
So I take the criterion.
And by the way, the amount that you do shit like that is insane.
I did it one time.
Any movie on a plane you picked?
Uh-huh.
Tell me the second one.
Your inherited wealth thing was three different things.
I don't care.
My suit of armor with a coat of arms?
A sword? Yeah. First of all, a suit of armor comes with you, my suit of armor with a coat of arms? A sword?
Yeah.
First of all,
a suit of armor
comes with a sword.
A sword comes
with a coat of arms.
Shane and Ian
are on the same mic right now.
We are both red in the face.
David and I
aren't even in the room anymore.
a pouch,
he's in it,
but he's got a knife
to my throat.
Did Shane grow a kangaroo pouch?
Yeah.
I love it.
It's like Tommy Lasorda
in whatever umpire.
Just handling it. It's like Tommy Lasorda in Whatever Umpire. Just handling it.
No, the inherited wealth was not...
By the way, Zach picked things that you couldn't even do if you had a billion dollars.
Oh, I know.
It's amazing what people get the fuck away with.
Let's not come at me.
And I say a thing that actually exists.
Zach's talking about hydroplaning in between Hawaiian islands.
That was...
And you just let it fucking fly.
No big goddamn deal.
If you would have been in the studio and you saw sweet Zach Toscani in here with this.
First of all, he's not sweet.
He's a wretched little shit.
Three pages of longhand script that he wrote out.
This was like he wrote a novel for us.
He was so happy.
If I denied him on the second one, this whole fucking thing would have fallen apart.
Shane, did you call him a wretched little shit? Is that what you called him? Yeah. Man. If I denied him on the second one, this whole fucking thing would have fallen apart. Maybe he needs that.
Did you call him a wretched little shit?
Is that what you called him?
Yeah.
Man.
I'll say it tonight.
The two of you go back and forth like Lennox Lewis and Evander Holyfield with these insults.
It's just like cruelty.
I know.
Did he call you a little pig once?
No, he called you that, right?
He calls me every time I'd come into his house with food.
He'd be like, you disgust me, you rotten pig.
And he'd just stare at me as I'm holding Taco Bell.
I'm like, Zach.
His body is so cracking that you've got to kind of take that.
And I just look down like, well, I'm going to eat it still.
I guess right in front of you.
Yeah.
And then he eats it too.
Fuck him, dude.
He looks like he's in a Marvel movie now.
He's very thick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And incredibly swole.
Extremely thick and incredibly swole.
It's that new Tom Hanks movie.
The sequel to Castaway where he gets lost again.
He gets lost in a 24-hour fitness.
Extremely thick and incredibly swole.
Wilson is now a 45-pound medicine ball.
They're both bigger.
Castaway 2 bigger. He's not screaming for Wilson. He's going bigger. Cast away two bigger.
He's not screaming for Wilson.
He's going, Wilson, Wilson, Wilson.
Dribbling it.
Shooting free throws.
You don't have a definitive number one pick, but you do have to pick something number one
and that will make it definitive.
I'm going to go with True Grit, the new one.
The new one?
Oh, good move.
Good move.
Good move.
That new one is great.
Man, Barry Pepper in that movie, dude.
Oh, he's great.
That's a dude?
He's the guy who plays the villain, whatever the-
What do you say, rooster?
Will you give us the road?
Tooth in, rooster!
His name is Billy Pepper?
Barry Pepper.
Barry Pepper.
Also in the movie 61, right?
Wasn't he in that?
Yeah, yeah.
He's in some other stuff.
He played Dale Earnhardt in the ESPN movie.
Yeah, yeah, he sure did.
He had like a- And he was in Battlefield Earth. The Intimidator. Battlefield Earth Dale Earnhardt in the ESPN movie. Yeah, he sure did.
And he was in Battlefield Earth.
The Intimidator.
Battlefield Earth.
Somebody had to be. Oh, shit.
What?
I just thought of it.
Nothing.
You just thought of Battlefield Earth.
Sean's on the show.
Sean's writing down Battlefield Earth on his hand right now.
No, I'm not.
For me, I'd respect it as a pick for you.
I couldn't because that movie requires too much attention because I've only seen it twice maybe.
But the thing is, there's a lot going on.
There's great lines in it.
It's very quotable in the sense when Matt Damon gets knocked out and she's like, what's that actor's name?
I can't remember.
Haley Steinfeld.
Haley Steinfeld.
She's like, is he okay?
He's like, not even a blow to the head will silence him for long.
There's always dumb bantery, qui, Texas kind of language that I like.
They say I fell to drink, which is funny.
It's always been the calmest way to put it.
Like, well, I drank myself.
Well, I fell to drink, sweetheart.
It wasn't my fault.
There was the bottle there, and I succumbed to the drink.
His name is Labeef, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a Texer, right?
Labeef.
That's maybe one of the more interesting Matt Damon roles.
Really?
Isn't it?
That whole movie is full of interesting roles for those people.
It's just like kind of an atypical, like Matt Damon is not playing himself so much, right?
I don't know.
He's doing himself like, yeah, he's like, it's very, I think he's very like, he's playing
a real character as opposed to being Matt Damon as a character.
Right.
It's one of his less movie star like roles that he's done since he's become a movie star, really.
Which is since we've known him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that's fair.
Yeah.
Adios.
He says adios.
And that little girl is just so great.
She's always giving people shit and stuff.
She's like a big pop musician, Haley Steinfeld.
Is that Ariana Grande?
No, Haley Steinfeld. She's a big pop shit and stuff. Yeah. Oh, man. She's like a big pop musician, Haley Steinfeld. Is that Ariana Grande? She's also in the most recent.
No, Haley Steinfeld.
She's also in the. She's a big pop musician?
Pretty big.
Yeah.
I love myself.
I don't know any other lyrics.
She's in the Pitch Perfect stuff now, too.
Oh.
I gotta get in on that.
Those are great.
Yeah?
Yeah.
We shouldn't talk about more movies.
I think I agreed too quick with you right there.
They're all right.
The Pitch Perfect movies? I love them. No you right there. They're all right. The Pitch Perfect movies?
I love them.
No, thank you.
They're fantastic.
Well, I guess I don't have to worry about two through four getting.
I'm silent over here.
I didn't say shit.
Yeah, the G is silent.
I might like Pitch Perfect.
La Beef, yeah, dude.
It's a good movie.
Jeff Bridges is fantastic.
Josh Brolin's great in it.
It's also quiet enough that you can sleep good.
Yeah.
He's the villain dude or whatever.
Tom Chaney.
Yeah, Tom Chaney.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know all this stuff off the top of my head, by the way.
I'm not on the air.
The scene where he's on trial for killing that dude unlawfully.
Yeah.
And he's like, so why didn't you back?
He's like, which direction were you going when you were backing up?
He's like, well, I'm always going backwards when I back up. Yeah. And then he's like, so why didn't you back? He's like, which direction were you going when you were backing up? He's like, well, I'm always going backwards when I back up.
Yeah.
It's just like dumb shit like that.
It's a fun one, man.
The Coen brothers don't fuck around with their dialogue.
Like, they have it pinned down.
They do a murder scene better than just about anybody.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
True Grit.
I enjoyed it.
I never saw the original.
Never saw the, is it John Wayne?
Johnny Wayne. Never saw it. It's no good,. Never saw the... Is it John Wayne? Johnny Wayne.
Never saw it.
It's no good, bad, and ugly.
True Grit, good shit.
David, is it time for your first pick?
Double tough.
My first pick, you know, it's Sunday.
I went out.
We got a little too drunk.
Yeah, we did.
We were at the Roost, man.
We were at the Roost.
Overserved, in the words of my boy.
Overserved.
I was overserved again last night.
He's fucking kids.
He's fucking kids.
He's fucking kids.
They over-served the kid again last night.
Mike, the kid over-served me with a couple headlocks at the roost not too long ago.
I'm sure he did.
No, man.
I think that just for the gangs in New York.
Oh, shit. Really? We'll see who holds sway over the five points. It's just for the gangs in New York. Oh, shit.
Really?
We'll see who holds sway over the five points.
It's so great.
It's America.
Dudes are chopping dudes' shit off.
Cameron Diaz is in there being incredible.
Sneaky Liam Neeson at the top.
Sneaky Liam Neeson.
John C. Reilly.
Yeah, is it serious?
Yeah.
Breaking shit open.
Yeah, man, that movie's great.
And if it's on TV, there's all eight hours of your day.
Yeah, it's all there.
It's all there for you.
I've had so many times where I've, like, turned on the TV and it was on,
and I'm just like, well, now I got to post-mate some burritos.
I got to admit, I didn't think that was going to be the movie by that director
that went off the board first.
Marty.
Marty Scorsese.
That's a good point.
There's a lot of room here now.
It's good, though. It is...
That's a kill.
D.J. Lewis. You probably thought he was in here
when that was happening.
I love that movie.
It's everything you want.
It's weird father-son stuff.
There's that...
U2's on the soundtrack.
U2's on the soundtrack.
That's what I'm always looking for.
On a Sunday.
It's Stunk of the Irish.
The whole movie's about that.
That's one of those, I love that movie because I'm like...
Stunk of the Irish.
It gives me that glimpse of like, man, people fucking hated Irish people.
Yeah.
They were not well-received. Half. We were not well-received.
Half of me was not well-received.
Yeah, yeah.
Tell it to the Jew and the black guy.
I kept my mouth shut.
Hold on, you're Jewish?
100% from Mitzvah and everything.
Everything.
Yep.
Tell it to the Jew and the black guy.
It sounds like something a racist Irish bartender would say. Tell it to the Jew and the Black. It's a bit... It sounds like something a racist Irish bartender would say.
Tell it to the Jew and the Black guy.
It's a ponderous movie.
There's a lot going on.
There's a lot going on.
America is for Americans or immigrants.
And it's just like, you could sleep through so much
and still wake up and catch some of their bullshit,
whatever year's slang. Like, you go to sleep, you wake up, catch some of their bullshit whatever year slang.
Like,
you go to sleep,
you wake up,
he says,
oh,
she was a turtle dove.
And then you go to sleep and you wake up
and he's like,
are you calling me a chiseler?
And it's like,
it's so good.
There's like five or six
really great scenes
in that movie too.
Yeah,
and then the rest is filler
when you're making dip
or whatever.
Yeah,
for sure.
Like,
the scene where they all
gather,
they're all gonna go to war again
and they start saying all the names of the gangs and stuff. Pug uglies! The party thieves! when you're making dip or whatever. Yeah, for sure. Like the scene where they all gather, they're all going to go to war again.
Oh, yeah.
And they start saying all the names of the gangs and stuff.
Pug Uglies!
The Party Thieves!
Yeah.
The Bowery Boys.
Yeah.
Knowing what we now know about the Bowery,
that's a very funny place for a gang to have existed.
Yeah.
It was very different out there.
Yeah, we all live with the standard.
It's pretty fine.
We're going to go to the ballroom later.
GMT is opening for somebody else.
For themselves.
Yeah.
I need to see it again.
For me, it doesn't qualify.
I'm not arguing with you.
I've seen it a couple times.
You've got to watch it in that state, though.
Yeah.
Well, let's find out tomorrow.
If you like it, hungover. I have to work. I got it.
Sean, you have to work, too.
Yeah, I do.
Shane's gonna have run of the house. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
I have stuff to do, though.
What do you think I'm gonna do?
Nothing, man. What do you think David was gonna do at your house?
Terrible.
Jizz.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was jizz.
It was jizz.
Phil is bad with jizz.
Phil is bad with jizz.
I will be.
I am canceling that weekend.
Come on, man.
I'm not going to jizz all over your stuff.
I got a mom somewhere.
I'm not a monster.
I'm not going to jizz it in every corner I'm left alone in.
Just loose jizz.
Yeah, I don't fucking.
Is there any other?
Tossing jizz.
Yeah, contained jizz. My jizz can be tight. I keep a tight jizz. Yeah, I don't fucking... Is there any other... Toss and jizz. Yeah, contain jizz.
My jizz can be tight.
I keep a tight jizz.
It's only contained in sperm, then.
What?
No, you can contain jizz.
It's contained right now in all of us, by the way.
Yeah.
And then once released...
This is my earthly jizz vessel.
Yeah.
Millions of little soccer players just bouncing around in there.
They weren't going to play soccer.
If you take a bottle of ketchup and just shake it all over the room, that's like loose ketchup.
But if you right onto the eggs, you know.
Contained.
Contained.
I don't like how subliminal that was.
I don't think it was that subliminal.
I think that was right on the face.
By the way, somebody came at us on Twitter about putting ketchup on eggs.
Somebody came at us pretty hard.
I just want to say, I'm putting ketchup on eggs.
I don't fuck with it,
but it's America.
I respect you.
Here's three things about me,
all right?
Let's hear them.
Here's three things about me,
all right?
Let's hear them.
All right?
Let's hear them.
I make a real good living.
I've been nominated for an Emmy,
and I put fucking ketchup
on my eggs.
Seen all those.
Don't come at me
like I'm some schmuck
from around the corner.
You're not, dude.
I'm some schmuck
from 15 stories up.
Yeah, man. Sit down, dude.
I got ketchup in my fucking
penthouse. It's cool, dude. And I'm putting it on
the eggs. That's alright. Alright, I'm getting fucking
angry here, alright? You want to come at me on Twitter.com
where I go to talk about the Blazers?
Come at me about ketchup
on my eggs? I put fucking ketchup on eggs,
buddy. I'll put ketchup on a fucking dodo
egg because I got one.
You got a dodo egg? It's an extinct bird, bro.
They gave it to him at the Emmys.
Yeah, they lived on Mauritius. Wait, what do you
do with it? I don't actually have one.
Put ketchup on it, man. Fry it up.
You really fucked me up right now.
Get it over easy
and throw some ketchup on it. It was a clue on the hardest
episode of Jeopardy we've seen in a while.
Dude, yeah. Yesterday was some
bullshit. It sucked. I had a shitty day and then Jeopardy was hard. But a while. Dude, yeah. Which was on last night. Yesterday was some bullshit. It sucked.
I had a shitty day
and then Jeopardy was hard.
And then I was around friends
so I was okay.
Is that to be grateful?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a good thing.
And then we watched
a lot of Billions.
Billions of hours.
Tonight,
we're going to watch
another episode
but for now,
it's time for me
to make my first pick
and then my second pick
as it is.
A serpentine draft.
Sure it is. It sure is. Like a girl for me to make my first pick and then my second pick as it is. A serpentine draft. Sure it is.
It sure is.
Laker.
Girls.
With my first pick, I mean, we've talked about it a lot on the podcast, but I have to pick
it anyway.
I have to take Goodfellas.
Yeah.
Our ultimate fucking hangover movie ever.
It's great.
It's great for that.
I was kind of, I was leaving it out.
I'd like.
I'd like to be left on the board.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I gotta. I gotta. Of course. Of course. Streets is watching. I like to be left on the board. But I gotta...
Of course.
You know, Streets is watching.
I'm not gonna...
It's the perfect hangover movie
because it is,
and this is true of many Martin Scorsese movies,
it is just like perfect scene
followed by perfect scene
followed by perfect scene.
Well, and it chronicles someone's life,
which I enjoy.
Yeah.
The whole journey.
I'm into that.
There's just all these moments where you're like, you can jump in at any point on Goodfellas,
and you're like, oh, this scene's coming up.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, this scene's coming up.
Oh, I gotta watch at least until this scene.
You can also jump out.
You can also jump out.
When I'm thinking of Hangover movies, I'm thinking of like, I'm gonna sleep for part
of this movie.
100%.
And I hate it when you're watching a hangover movie
where you fall asleep and you wake up
and then you run that shit back.
Yeah.
It's like reheating pizza.
It is like reheating pizza.
It's not good.
It's eating cold popcorn.
It's a weird sensation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta be able to get up and use the restroom,
walk to the corner store.
Yeah.
And leave it on, though.
Leave it on.
Have the confidence to leave it on.
Exactly. Yeah, if you're going out
to get a soda, you want to get back in time
before the... You want to hustle back in.
Yeah, you're like, oh, I gotta be back before he starts
making the gravy. You ready to say what I was just gonna say?
Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. I got back in time for
this guy's going this way, this guy's going this way,
this guy's back here. Like, what do you want from me?
What do you want from me?
Kind of looks like somebody we know.
He does! He does! Oh my god, it's him! Oh, that is a great scene. He's just quiet. what do you mean looks like somebody we know he does
he does
oh my god it's him
oh that is a great scene
Henry you're so quiet
it's just great
Henry you're so quiet
you've seen it a million times
and yet it still
just fucking pulls you in
like all the
and the other great thing
about it is like
you notice new stuff
every time
you have like a new
favorite part every time
like lately
I've just been really
enjoying that scene
where they're all wearing yellow sweaters.
That's what they knocked off the truck.
And then like they're just passing out these yellow sweaters.
And you got all these fucking like mob guys just like, oh, what do you do?
Looking like Lawrence Welk.
You know what line I love from that movie is when they're describing Robert De Niro's character.
He's like, Jimmy's the kind of guy who rooted for the bad guys in the movies.
I always liked that.
It was like a perfect way to like, yeah, this guy's just shooting shit. It's character. He's like, Jimmy's the kind of guy who rooted for the bad guys in the movies. I always liked that. It was like a perfect way
to like,
yeah,
this guy's just shooting shit.
It's great.
Yeah.
Fucking psycho.
It's amazing.
When Tommy kills Spider,
they go,
well,
now you got to bury him.
What,
the first fucking hole
I ever dug?
He doesn't care at all.
It's crazy.
What was that movie
with Fogart?
Yeah,
the Oklahoma kid.
Yahoo!
It's just like, you fucking suck.
Can you imagine that, being around like eight hammered lunatics, all with six bullets each?
But he's like, tell him to go fuck himself, and they go, oh, whoa.
So everybody's hands are like...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And what's especially perfect, since it's a hangover movie, I'm going to be nodding off right about the time everything starts falling apart.
Yeah, you don't want to...
Or I'm just going to get up and leave, because I don't really... Like'm just gonna get up and leave because I don't really like that part of the movie
I frankly don't need to see you know hit the links. Yeah, it's like oh, it's it's the coke addled paranoid part
No, that's not what I'm feeling for that really good song. What I always forget the name of the song
Oh, it was just on the other day now room or like we're no wait. What is it?
Oh, no, wait. What is it? Jesus. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, that part?
Jimmy Eat World.
That's what that is.
Are you listening?
Whoa.
Oh, no.
I actually didn't know it.
Sing it back.
Whoa.
I'll be in Phoenix this weekend.
Homeland of Jimmy Eat World.
Damn.
I would go see Jimmy Eat World show as long as they only play the two songs I know.
Well, buddy, we're going to listen to some Goodbye Sky Harbor.
Ooh, okay.
Oh, is that the name of their airport?
That's also Sky Harbor.
Somebody had a joke about that.
That's how dumb Phoenix is.
It said they named their airport, airport, airport, Sky Harbor.
Sky Harbor.
Patrons of Phoenix, go see Shane Torres, The Day This Drops.
Well, they certainly don't have a Harbor Harbor.
He's in Austin that day.
Oh, never mind then.
Yeah, yeah.
So, Goodfellas.
I mean, if you want to hear us talk about Goodfellas, listen to almost any other podcast.
Most weeks, really.
Especially anywhere we talk about movies.
But just even maybe just any of them.
Probably get a Goodfellas poster at a Hot Topic.
Oh, you could.
Maybe.
You could probably get a Keith Ledger's The Joker poster, too.
Why so serious?
Why so serious?
Had a rip in it, bro.
I almost had to kill someone.
I was like crying laughing on the subway when I found out you were that old.
I was almost crying when I found out I was that old.
It's ridiculous that you were buying posters that day.
I bet I still got it. No, I think the cold buying posters that day. I bet I still got it.
No, I think the cold got it for me.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Now I'm going to play a little defense with my second pick.
This is why.
Because I have things that I like more, but I don't think will necessarily be around later.
Okay.
So I'm going to save those for later.
But right now with my second pick, I'm going to take The Departed.
Another Martin Scorsese.
Oh, that is good.
That is a good Sunday.
That is a movie that I notice new
things about every time I watch it.
Because that's kind of confusing. Goodfellas is pretty
linear. Well, we've seen it so many times.
But The Departed, there's still a couple
scenes where the social security number,
the citizens part, where I'm like, oh,
I see what they did, finally.
You mean by writing citizens on the outside?
That's how we recognize... recognize Yeah just like different things
Where I guarantee
I missed that
Four or five times
Like what the actual
Significance was
Yeah
Or like the building number
Where Marty Sheen kills him
Or gets killed I guess
But that is like
That's a little hidden gem
That shot where he's
Dropping off
God that is scary
It's so cool
It's like
It's out of nowhere too
Like they just like
Drop it right in
You know Yeah There's not a scene of them Like rushing him over The side of the building You know's out of nowhere too like they just like drop it right in you know
yeah there's not a scene of them like rushing him over the side of the building you know no just him
yeah so you're just like jesus fucking it's fucking brutal and that dude running up on him
too like when he you know he comes to the top and he's lighting a cigarette he's like got a light
and he goes where's your fucking boy he's at notre dame studying law that guy is scary as shit though
that guy's dude that guy's guy's scary and he, though. That Irish dude? That Irish guy is scary.
And he always says, like, boyo, or shit like that.
That guy scares the shit out of me.
Anybody who doesn't talk to us is a cop.
It's great.
Jack Nicholson is, like, bad, but in a good way.
Yeah, you still want to hang out with him.
He's fairly cartoonish.
Yeah, he's very cartoony in it, which is great for when you're hungover.
And he doesn't have, like, a really great line in it.
No.
What about a, yes, he does. Don't come up till you're numb. Oh, yeah, there it great for when you're hungover. He doesn't have a really great line in it? No. What about a... Yes, he does.
Don't come up till you're numb.
Oh, yeah, there it is. That is a good line.
Throws all the blow on the bed. Oh, no.
That's a good line. It's a good line.
Don't make me feel weird about that.
It's a good line. It's a good line.
It's a good line in a good movie.
It's in the Hall of Fame in the house you're sleeping in tonight.
In the Hall of Fame? In the house you're sleeping in tonight.
Oh, shit. Well, I rented a car. I'll be in the house you're sleeping in tonight. I'm not saying I'm in the Hall of Fame. In the house you're sleeping in tonight. Oh, shit.
Well, I rented a car.
I'll be in the Elantra.
All right.
In front of your
address, if I still
remember.
Great.
It just got good for,
like, I mean,
fucking Alec Baldwin,
who turns out as a
piece of shit, but he's
really good at it.
Yeah.
What do you, fuck you,
fuck it, what do you
gave someone? Like, what does he do? Like, there's a scene where he's, like,, but he's really good at it. Yeah. What do you, fuck you, what do you gave someone?
What does he do?
There's a scene
where he's like,
talking,
he's talking?
You need to calm down.
Shane's got an IV
of Red Bull in right now.
I don't know why.
And by Red Bull,
it's hooked up to a Red Bull
who he brought with him.
From Dallas.
Like some sort of
reverse Paul Bunyan.
From Dallas.
There's a great scene
where he's like,
what are you, gay?
Fuck you.
All right, kiss your mother or whatever.
He goes something crazy in a briefing room.
Oh, yeah.
He says it super fast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I forget what it is.
Him and Marky Mark have a little...
Marky Mark, yeah.
Another piece of shit, but they, you know.
Alec Baldwin's always sweating through his shirts,
which is fucking hilarious to me.
I've been there.
In like, in those heavy scenes
when they just cut to him
and it's like planned out,
like the sweating and he's just getting deeper and deeper. Like when all cameras are hidden who are you yeah i'm the guy that does this fucking job you must be the other guy
oh that's marky mark though that's marky mark yeah marky mark was great in that movie yeah
where he's like this is unbelievable who put the fucking cameras in this place who the fuck are you
i'm the guy that does this job you You must be the other guy. Ooh.
You cut me deep. I'm going to have to get out of here. I apologize.
I love that scene
where they're doing a briefing and they're
showing a dead body.
And he goes, last known photo.
He just gets a good laugh to himself about it.
Yep.
Another not the happiest
ending at that movie, you know?
No. A real bummer
brutal ending
yeah
but it's a really fun ride
along the way
I like it
I like the ending
oh I love that
oh you like the ending
which is the rat
the other thing that I like
is I'm in that place with it
where I've seen it enough times
that I can fall asleep
and I'm not mad at myself
yeah
but enough
but like
it's still a little bit fresh to me
also Vera Farmiga
hot something else hot woman hot woman like it's still a little bit fresh to me. Also, Vera Farmiga, hot.
Something else.
Hot woman.
Hot woman.
And a talented actor.
A tricky dynamic.
First, an incredibly talented actor,
and then second,
a hot woman.
It's a tangled web they weave in that movie.
Oh my God, it really is.
It sure is.
Boy, it really is.
Boy, Sean, I'll tell you, man,
I couldn't agree with you more on that one.
It is a tangled web.
Tangled web they weave.
It's just fucking the cranberry juice scene.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
When he breaks his cast open.
Yeah.
It's fucking brutal.
I'm the guy who says you can hit, who tells you you can hit and who you can't hit.
Yeah.
And that's not a guy you can hit, but it's not quite a guy you can hit.
That's what they say about me every time I walk into the roost.
Every single time, the whole thing.
Then I just sit down.
You just hit a bottle of whiskey all night?
No cranberry juice, please.
So, okay, I did my Martin Scorsese two-step.
David, it's time for your second pick.
That was three Scorseses in a row, by the way.
Bang, bang, bang.
It was like the fucking University of Miami in the early 2000s, dude.
Just first round pick, first round pick, first round pick.
Ed Reed.
Ed Reed.
DJ Williams.
Warren Sapp.
Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
I don't know anymore.
Ray Lewis.
Oh, more University of Miami players?
Sean Taylor.
I can't name any.
Sean Taylor.
Willis McGahee.
Who's that tight end from Ada, Oklahoma?
Oh.
Jeremy Shockey.
Yeah, Jeremy Shockey.
Greg Olsen, too.
Yeah.
Kellen Winslow, too.
Jesus Christ.
Kellen Winslow, Jr.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Shouldn't have got a motorcycle.
Not quite the player his dad was.
All right, guys.
I have a movie to pick, goddammit.
There it is.
I don't know why I got so angry.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This movie, I feel like I just, most of this movie takes place in the afternoon, which for some reason makes me feel comfortable sleeping to it.
My second pick, White Men Can't Jump.
Oh, that's a great pick.
It's so fun to watch.
Yeah.
And it just feels like you're supposed to sleep.
I don't know, something about the cinematography, but it feels like you're supposed to sleep. I don't know something about the cinematography,
but it feels like you're supposed to be watching that when you wake up.
It's tricky for me.
I want to stay awake that whole movie no matter what.
I like it so much.
I can sleep through the middle at this point.
I love that.
I just want to see the last.
You can sleep through all the Rosie Perez scenes.
Who's to start with a little coo?
It's a quince.
I'm not like super invested in her jeopardy storyline
as much as i love it's a weird thing to have thrown in yeah i like it when she calls him
stupid though stupid you so stupid feeling is stupid yeah i love that she kills it i love the
way she says the moody brothers what are their names the stooky the stooky brothers yeah the
stooky brothers i love Brothers. I love that.
I just love that movie.
I love the top to bottom.
I think that Wesley Snipes is so talented.
Yeah.
He's so funny.
Wesley Snipes is good, man.
Didn't even know how to play basketball.
Isn't that crazy?
But you can tell that's why he does that one move a lot of times.
It isn't like a basketball move.
Where he spins he like spins around
he takes the ball like he spins
but he also does the ball around his
like yeah it's not like a real move
but he also puts the ball around his back
so it like defeats the purpose
he's such an amazing athlete
but he learned how to do that like immediately
it's pretty great
I don't know I love that movie
it paints a picture of LA that I'm like
that feels like
it was so long ago
oh where everybody
was hanging out at the beach
yeah
Billy Hoyle
didn't he like
live at the beach
yeah
and they had
he had
everybody was wearing
two tank tops
and bicycle hats
can you imagine
if it was just like
fun on the beach
and there weren't
lunatics everywhere
it is fun on the beach
well no
but like Venice
like you know
like the courts of Venice and stuff like that.
Like, if you could go there and just be like, oh, this is great.
You could have a bit of an afternoon there.
Well, yeah.
I don't know.
I feel like Manhattan's a little bit more.
I'm against you on this.
I don't like what you're doing.
I don't feel that way.
I feel like you could go out there and have a good time.
Everybody gets it.
You know, I never go to the beach.
I love a day in Venice that includes the beach.
Yeah. I don't know if I want to hang out there all day. Maybe was a little harsh on the beach i'm way harsh the pickup games aren't that
good by the way i've gone and watched them that'd be fun yeah do they still do they still have like
big pickup games there yeah there's the courts and there's the muscle beach too which is down there
yeah i've been over there is that exactly what yeah yeah it's exactly what you think i saw i
went to doing like weird vertical like he had had his like, I don't even,
reverse pull-ups.
Oh, where they're hanging upside down and they're chinning, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're just clanging and banging.
Crazy chick.
Clanging.
That's what us in the industry call it.
John's afraid they're swinging and banging.
That's why he doesn't want to go.
That's what he's worried about.
He's worried about set tripping at the beach.
Hosing chains and swinging things, dude.
Can't handle it.
Pimp C singing right there.
Right on.
I don't know what you're saying.
You looked so confused.
I am still.
But yeah, White Men Can't Jump is my second pick.
I feel like it's a great movie to watch hungover.
You can start it at any point.
You can jump out at any point.
A lot of good corners it takes.
Great supporting cast.
Yeah.
The basketball scenes are really fun.
The Obama scene is fun.
Oh, my God.
When he does that.
Your mom is an astronaut?
Your mom got a peg leg with a kickstand.
All the hustling stuff is good.
Yeah, the movie's good.
He ain't going nowhere.
The bakery ain't open yet, man.
That guy keeps going and getting his gun.
What's that guy's name?
Oh, fuck it.
I'm getting my gun. Wasn't he like a real basketball player? He was a real basketball player. bakery ain't open yet, man. That guy keeps going and getting his gun. Yeah, that guy's like, oh, fuck it. I'm getting my gun.
Wasn't he like a real basketball player?
He was a real basketball player.
He used to be in the NBA.
Like, he was an enforcer in the 80s.
I believe it was Olden Paul.
It was Olden Paul.
A Milwaukee Bucks fan.
Rex Chapman.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, man.
That movie's great.
It's so much fun.
I've still never been to Sizzler.
Ever in my life.
Me neither.
Yeah, never been to a Sizzler.
Man, I feel like you guys built it up too much.
They had a food poisoning scare when I was at a very impressionable age, and I've since
never gone.
Like all of them?
I don't know, man.
Yeah, because like-
We could go to-
That's a weird-
Don't look up at me like that.
I'm asking.
I'm not-
We could go to Sizzler.
I'm just telling you it's not- It's not what we think. It's taking it with a sizzle. Yeah, I'll take you to Sizzler right now not. We could go to Sizzler. I'm just telling you it's not.
It's not what we think. Let's take it with a sizzle.
Yeah, I'll take you to Sizzler right now if you want to go to Sizzler.
That's not the issue.
We going to Sizzler.
It's not as good as Kadeem Hardison made it sound.
Ooh, Kadeem.
Man, I loved him.
That's happened to him.
I think he's probably thriving somewhere.
I'm sure he's good.
It's time for your second pick.
I will be going with a classic Tombstone. Oh, shit. That's a great pick. I was definitely he's good. It's time for your second pick. I will be going with a classic, Tombstone.
Oh, shit! That's a great pick.
I was definitely going to pick that. Yeah, I had that on the list.
Oh, I know. It's just
so insanely quotable as a movie.
Do your...
I got two guns here.
One for each of you.
There it is. Are you doing Forrest Whitaker?
I don't... Fuck you, dude.
That was a spot on.
You think that was spot on?
It was spot ish.
I will not compliment Sean no matter what.
It was spot near.
Do it again.
I got two guns here.
One for each of you.
Each of you is really good.
Pretty good, dude.
Gripping with tuberculosis.
I sound like a lunger if I've ever heard one, I'll tell you.
Well, Sean's too close to the role.
Succumbing to consumption.
Yeah, I fell to drink.
What do you want me to do about it?
It's not even my fault.
I think, you know, the creature had its hands on me.
I couldn't even do anything about it.
So Wyatt Burp picks Doom stuff.
I forgot about that one.
That's right.
A.K.A. Wyatt Burp.
Oh, yeah, I should pick that one.
I should get six picks, actually. That should just be A.K.A. White Burp. Oh, yeah, I should pick that one. I should get six picks, actually.
That should just be on my team.
That part where they're at the OK Corral
and Doc just starts to smile.
It cuts to everyone's eyes,
and then it cuts to Val Kilmer's eyes,
and you just see a little bit of a smile,
and then it cuts to Thomas Hayden Church,
and you can clearly see him frowning.
Yeah.
You're like, uh-oh.
It's like the weird thing that's what they're like
they're having the gunfight
in the OK Corral
and then he shoots
a shotgun in the air
and the horse jumps
yeah
and then he shoots
the guy who's hiding
behind the horse
he's like
these horses would have been
jumping
they were like
bullets flying everywhere
yeah
and this whole thing
it's just like
it's like all of a sudden
you gotta be within
two feet of a horse
to really scare it
it's got some good
I'm not sure of the numbers on that.
There's a few touching moments in it, too, which I like.
Like when he's like, I'm your huckleberry.
Yeah, I'm your huckleberry.
I have a headache, Wyatt.
When he's like, Wyatt up is my friend.
Hell, I got a lot of friends.
I don't.
I just got goosebumps.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pretty great, yeah.
And those dudes' names, what the fuck?
It's Texas Jack Vermillion.
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson.
Turkey Creek Jack.
Those are so dank.
What happened to names like those?
I don't know.
What happened to names like those?
I don't know.
We can call you Texas Jack Vermillion.
I don't know.
We can call you South Glendale Sean Jordan.
It doesn't have the ring to it.
It doesn't.
It doesn't.
What part of South Dakota were you from? Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Which part of Sioux Falls
were you from? Like regionally.
Were you from Whiskey Flats or Upper Dogpatch?
Southeastern South Dakota. Oh yeah, we could call it Whiskey Patch.
We could call it Dogpatch.
We could call it North North Cliff.
Whiskey Patch Sean Jordan.
Whiskey Patch Jordan.
Whiskey Flats Jordan.
One of those.
Sean Dogpatch Jordan. Dogpatch Sean Jordan. We're working old whiskey patch Jordan whiskey flats whiskey flats Jordan we better hope they invent one of those yeah that works Sean dog patch Jordan
dog patch Sean Jordan
we're working on it
we're in the writers room
yeah and
it'll get worked out
but also just another
great cast
like
even the people
in the minor roles
in that are fantastic
oh dude that movie
is full of
dude when Val Kilmer
was just dunking on people
in that phase of his career
I loved it
we're like
going for it Val Kilmer
dude it was great.
Even Powers Booth.
The Powers of Booth.
What happened in names like that?
Since I'm freaking out about names, what happened to Powers fucking Booth?
That is quite the Powers, dude.
We're all the Powers Booths of the world.
Can you imagine seeing a baby and being like, Powers.
Powers.
Yeah, because that came out.
You come out of Powers. Or Texas Jack Vermilion. I bet he went in a Powers. He being like, Powers. Power. Yeah, because that came out. You come out of Powers.
Or Texas Jack Vermillion.
I bet he went into Powers.
He went into Powers.
I bet his dad finished and he was like, Powers.
Powers got off.
Honey, what are you thinking?
I was thinking Steven.
Well, I'm thinking Texas Jack Vermillion.
You're going to have to meet me all the way on my side, because that's what his name is
going to be.
What's the difference?
Fucking Powers booth. Tombstone's great. That's going to be. the difference. Fucking Powers Booth.
Tombstone's great.
That's another long one too,
isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pretty lengthy.
Got some girth to it.
Yeah,
I feel like,
yeah.
Oh,
Powers Booth died last year,
didn't they?
Oh,
damn,
did he?
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
R.I.P.
Powers Booth,
dude,
the Powers of the Booth.
The Powers of the Booth?
What was his most famous role?
Probably.
Nashville,
probably.
No,
I'm kidding, it's not Nashville. I mean, Tombstone, he was in one of the Booth? What was his most famous role? Probably. Nashville, probably. No, I'm kidding.
It's not Nashville.
I mean, Tombstone.
He was in one of the Sin City movies.
Frailty was one news really dang good.
He was like an interesting guy who was in a ton of stuff, but I never was thinking of
him as like a first or second lead in anything.
Oh, he was in MacGruber.
That's right.
He was in the Turok, the Dinosaur Hunter series.
Oh, I loved that game.
That was the most difficult game for me when I was a kid.
It was so fun. Tombstone. Oh, it's only two. That was the most difficult game for me when I was a kid. It was so fun.
Yeah.
Oh, it's only two hours.
Okay.
So it's about the length
of this podcast.
Yeah, it's not crazy.
Charlton Heston's in it.
I don't know
if I didn't know that.
Yeah, he's the sheriff, right?
Yeah.
And Bill Paxton.
Mm-hmm.
And the guy that plays...
Morgan Earp.
I don't want to say
the other movie that he's in,
but...
Sam Elliott.
Yeah, Sam Elliott's up in there.
Portland, Oregon's own Sam Elliott?
Portland, Oregon's own Sam Elliott.
Is he from Portland or Eugene?
Yuck, yuck, yuck.
He went to David Douglas High School.
That's the one I checked.
That's in Portland.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Meaning for Rand McNally, still a Rand McNally.
He was born in Sacramento.
You might have thought that Sam Elliott was in this studio.
A lot of people thought that.
I'm still not convinced he isn't, truly.
Sacramento.
That's really good.
Yeah, that was dank.
I was born a young boy in Sacramento, California.
No, he was not a young boy ever.
I was born an old man in Sacramento, California,
before traversing north
to Portland, Oregon.
At the time, it was a lumber town.
But I quickly
saw it give way
to an endless cavalcade of
hipsters in increasingly
large beanies and tight jeans.
And it was at that point I said to
myself, well, Sam, it's
time to hit the dusty trail.
And now I live in Orlando, Florida.
That was pretty fucking good, dude.
It was really good, yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, Emmy nominated.
You think you know a guy, you know?
Sean, it's time for your second.
Y también.
Your third pick.
Y también.
All right.
Well, my second pick is going to be something that'll kind of, this is more of like a Saturday
hangover movie where I want to go for it again, but I need to ease in.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is like I need to ease in.
An important distinction.
And this is going to be Bad Boys is what this movie is going to be.
The first one?
The first one?
No, Bad Boys 2.
Oh, thank God.
Okay, cool.
God, yeah.
I was about to fucking start doing push-ups. I kind of thought that was an unspoken thing with Bad Boys. Is this? No, Bad Boys 2. Oh, thank God. Okay, cool. Yeah. I was about to fucking start doing push-ups.
I kind of thought that was an unspoken thing with Bad Boys.
Is this?
No, I like Bad Boys.
I want it to be known, though.
I like Bad Boys.
Bad Boys 2 is...
I prefer El Dos.
Yeah, Bad Boys 2 is leaps and bounds.
Yeah?
I haven't watched them in so long, but...
You gotta...
When was the last time you guys watched...
Because I remember I loved the first one.
Do you think I wouldn't like the second one now?
No.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I didn't even mean for it.
I thought you were coming at my neck.
It's real serious in here.
I just think
open the first one up again.
Maybe I need to.
I do need to watch the first one again.
It's just, you know what it is?
It's an age thing.
Bad Boys 2 was what they gave to you that summer.
That's true.
Bad Boys 2 was with Diego.
That was that whole summer, dude.
Plus they had that soundtrack with Shaky Tail Feather on it.
Shaky Tail Feather.
They wouldn't shut up about the soundtrack.
That freeway song.
The marketing was everywhere.
Bad Boys 2 was like that summer.
Apparently critics hated it
and it's still just
the thing I want.
We've talked about it on here before.
I'll just never understand it.
No, it does its job perfectly.
Which one do the critics
like more,
the first one or the second?
The first one by far.
Oh, really?
The second one's got like
under a 30 on Rotten Tomatoes.
What?
Or something crazy.
That's astonishing.
Were you on that podcast
where we drafted movies?
Yeah.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah. I forgot. That's a while ago where we drafted movies? Yeah. Oh, that's right!
That's right!
That's a while ago. I didn't party in.
That's fucking crazy. Now I'm mad about it all again.
Uh...
5011? 5012 maybe?
It might be up to 6012.
It might be 6015. Let me look.
6015 episodes. I think it's like
75 or something. Jesus. Yeah, that's 6015. Yeah, 6015 episodes I think it's like 75 or something Jesus
Yeah that's 6015
Yeah 6015
Yeah man
Bad Boys 2
A little Gabby Union
In there
You know
Gabrielo
This will be
This will be
Episode
When this one drops
5026
Oh
Yeah
Now you know
What he's talking about
Right
It's great
I love it From Turf to Bird Bad Boys 2 And that'll get me That'll kind of Recharge my battery Where I'm just like Now you know what he's talking about. It's great.
I love it from turn to bird to bird. That'll get me, that'll kind of recharge my battery where I'm just like, all right.
All right.
All right.
Mike Lowry is doing it.
I can do it.
You see where they're like at the door and that guy comes to pick up his daughter.
The kid was a basketball player.
He looked like a basketball player.
Yeah, he was a basketball player.
He was a high school phenom. Was he really? Yeah. Oh, he looks like one. Yeah. Yeah, he's got a basketball player. He looked like a basketball player. Yeah, he was a high school phenom.
Was he really?
Yeah.
Oh, he looks like one.
Yeah, he's got a weird face.
Yeah, he does have a weird face.
I'm like, how'd this guy get in the movie?
That should have been Michael.
Basketball.
Michael.
Must be your handles because it ain't your face.
Come on, he had a weird face.
I wonder what happened to that guy.
Will Smith and Martin Lawrence just putting the double team on that guy.
Very funny scene.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's like they're letting Martin Lawrence shine in that scene.
Woosah, yeah.
I mean, it's just wild.
The scene where they're just throwing boats and cadavers off on that freeway.
The cadavers, yeah, dude, that's insane.
Any movie that goes to Cuba.
Dan Marino's Cadillac in that.
Yeah, something like that, right?
Yeah.
Any movie that goes to Cuba for no reason is a great hangover movie.
Will Smith with a lot of catchphrases.
I'm not having a problem
seeing why this scored under 30
on Rotten Tomatoes
when you describe it like that.
It's funny.
They go to Cuba,
they're throwing cadavers,
Dan Marino makes a cameo,
and they're mean
to a high school basketball player.
Critics need to be aware
of what a movie is trying to do
and then grade it on that rubric.
Exactly.
What Bad Boys 2 is trying to do,
it succeeded on all cameras. And it still does every time it's out. If I'm trying to make and then graded on that rubric. And what Bad Boys 2 is trying to do, it succeeded on all cameras.
And it still does. Every time it's on.
If I'm trying to make queso dip, man, don't ding me
because it's not Beef Wellington.
Sometimes I will say in that movie,
Will Smith, a little too cool for me.
He does get very good. I don't like how he
answers the phone. He says, this Lowry,
you hot. I don't like that.
I don't like that. Yes, you do because
you know that he says it. I don't like that he keeps saying X-Man
instead of Ecstasy Dealer. Oh, yeah.
We gotta hit X. He was a little too
cool for me in that one. He was. The first one
he was still kind of goofy. Will.
You know what's always weird about those movies is they have those characters
that they bring in. Like this is one of those
they have characters they bring in that are like
kind of feel established already. Like their
relationship is already established. Oh, like the other two
cops? Yeah, yeah. Like John Sally too was in that movie? Yeah, or their captain that's in established. Oh, like the other two cops? Yeah, yeah. Like John Sally, too, was in that movie?
Yeah, or their captain that's in it.
Oh, the tech guy.
Yeah, they're like Joey Pants.
Yeah, Cyrus from Matrix.
He was in the first one, though.
Yeah, but they always feel like they're like,
you already know this character.
Overruled.
Moving on.
No, okay.
Overruled. Time no overruled time for
time for
Shawny's next pick
fuck Shane
I guess
no fuck Shane
but I'll keep
talking about it
alright
what is your next pick
yeah alright
we'll go
we'll go
number three
I'm fucking stupid
number three
number three
we're gonna venture
out of the real world
a little bit
you know like
bad boys 2
real world
we're gonna venture
out of that
we're gonna go
to the unknown
we're gonna say the lord of the rings we're going to go to the unknown, we're going to say
The Lord of the Rings
I will just say the first one
I forget the Fellowship of the Ring
No thanks
It's too much
It is an effort
It's a very relaxing
just put it on on a Sunday, because I still do like
watching that movie, I like
Sean Bean in that movie, I like that gnarly battle
with the orcs at the end where he just fucking whacks
that one's head off. I think it's a good
it's just a fun journey of a movie.
You got that theme.
The Lord of the Rings theme is pretty good. Talk about
a movie that's your next eight hours
on television. For real.
Well yeah dude I'm really hung over.
Maybe if I did like Molly or
That's your Sunday.
Boy Boy the night before Yeah then I'm really hungover. Maybe if I did like Molly or... That's your Sunday. Yeah, yeah.
I can't.
Boy Boy the night before.
Yeah, then I'm like down for it.
We're talking about that like that hasn't happened on a couple nights.
I gotta have gone into that night a piece of beef and come out a piece of jerky.
Then I'm down for Lord of the Rings.
I gotta be dried up, daddy.
It's too much.
Yeah, there's too much.
It's too slow for me to...
I don't...
I can't watch that movie.
I can't watch that movie.
You can be on your phone the whole time.
You can go get, you can be in and out.
But then I'm just going to watch Russian.
You can take a shower.
You can take a shower during that movie if you want.
You come out and you're still, sit back on the couch, you're like, all right.
It's like watching a screensaver for two hours.
It is.
I feel the same way.
It's like running around off cliffs and shit.
It's horrible.
I feel the same way, Shane.
For four hours.
I would have gone with the third installment in the series, personally. Yeah, but I like that shit. It's got the I feel the same way, Shane. I would have gone with the third installment
in the series, personally.
Yeah, but I like the series.
It's got the big fucking like...
Is that the two towers?
Those big fucking
Return of the King.
Return of the King.
Those big fucking elephant things.
Yeah, because I don't give a shit.
I just want more of the action.
Yeah, I don't give a shit
what Pippin and Merry are up to.
Pippin sucks.
Eagles in the mix, dude.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, the first one does have the Balrog.
And you shall not pass, right?
Yeah.
You shall not pass.
What if the odds aren't going to be awake for that, though?
It has the beginning.
I just like the beginning.
I just like the whole spark and everything, sparking the journey.
And it's got a good battle scene at the end.
It's got a good ending to the movie.
And my axe. You like that to the movie. And my axe.
You like that part?
Yeah.
And my axe.
Fool of a toque.
You like that part?
Fool of a toque.
Yeah.
Do you like both of those parts?
Is that at the end of the first one?
That's when he drops the like chain down that well
when they're in the dwarfs like cave area
where his whole family
where he finds out
that they're all dead
or whatever
yeah
it is a boring movie
pool of a talk
it is a boring
fucking movie
Shane wake up
it is a boring movie
it's such a yawn
for you
for you
for Sean
that feels like the bug
is the feature
there's a lot of jogging
and he can be on his phone
you know
yeah
I guess
a lot of British actors jogging and social a lot of jogging, and he can be on his phone. Yeah, yeah. I guess. A lot of British actors jogging.
A lot of hooves.
Hooves.
Hooves, yeah.
Eating hooves, I like a lot.
And then, you know, one giant decapitation.
One giant decapitation.
A lot of, like, leaves being unwrapped and whatever the Hobbit version of hardtack being eaten.
Oh, you're getting me going over here.
Yeah, that weird crumbly bread.
They're talking about breakfasts. What about the lemon seeds? A lot of hardcore. Oh, yeah. getting me going over here. Yeah, that weird crumbly bread. They're talking about breakfasts.
Oh, oh my.
What about the lemon seeds?
A lot of hardcore.
Oh, yeah.
Where they just talk about food they want to eat.
Yeah.
Hard close-ups on Elijah Wood's soft, soft face.
Oh, those perfect fingernails.
But then also Sean Astin's somehow softer face.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, it is somehow softer.
Mushier face.
Yeah, that's a mush face boy.
A mush face boy.
Sean Astin Martin music, dude.
Sean Astin Martin Freeman music.
That's a lot like Maybach music.
It's like when he, in the end of the third one, when he thinks he's going to die.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, and he's just like, he starts talking about never having assed out that girl.
Yeah.
It's so sad.
It's dumb.
That's something worth watching.
I don't like it.
I went around the horn and decided I don't like it.
It's all right. I haven't seen it since it came out, horn and decided I don't like it. It's all right.
I haven't seen it since it came out, really.
Well, maybe give it another spin.
I don't think it's up your alley, but you know.
I don't like whimsy.
Friend of the podcast, not in the studio, not in the state, Nick Nanpay, every now and
then will fucking throw down on the extendos.
No, really?
Yeah.
Oh, my God. That's too much. That's too much. Get himself- All really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.
That's too much.
That's too much.
Get himself...
All of a sudden, it's Tuesday?
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Get himself some of God's Own Marijuana
and, I think, several foods.
That sounds like what I watch people do
when they're hungover.
Yeah.
Just have maybe a slightly different movie on.
But this...
I feel like the grounds for hating on this
is a hangover movie or crazy.
Look, dude, we're just the figure skaters.
We're not the judges.
We'll let the audience decide.
That's just how I feel, baby.
When one of the newer ones came out, they...
Quit pointing your fucking pen at me.
I'm going to fuck you up.
Shane is fully on his Bob Dole right now, Penn.
I love you.
I love you.
Nah.
Did you just do a Shane impression?
That's my Norm MacDonald doing Bob Dole.
And he thinks I don't sound like him.
You don't.
Oh, great.
All right.
Sean's wearing glasses.
At the Lloyd Center, when one of the last ones came out, they ran all the movies.
Oh, yeah.
And then at midnight, they played the fucking one that was wrapped at Lloyd Center.
Tony and Heather and I went to Bridgeport and watched all three of them.
Cool story about people we know.
You do know Tony. There's a couple people I know went to Bridgeport Village in Portland, Oregon and watched all three of them. Cool story about people we know. You do know, Tony. There's a couple
people I know went to Bridgeport Village in
Portland, Oregon and watched all three of those movies. I just got salty.
I don't know why I got salty. Sean married them.
Yeah, yeah. I did marry them. You're a puzzle.
And I cried when I did it, I'll tell you. Shane, it's time for
your third pick. We've moved on from discussion of
The Lord of the Rings for the time being.
We've tabled that discussion
until I picked two and three.
I am going to go with
this is a seasonal pick.
Oh.
Oh, really?
But Christmas Vacation.
Oh.
I love it.
It's like, everything in that movie is so fucking fun.
Yeah.
It's my, like, I can laugh at any scene.
It's completely out of context.
Another great Quaid vehicle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's very true.
Is that your theme? No, Sean took the other Quaid. Oh great Quaid vehicle. Yeah. Yeah, that's very true. Is that your theme?
No, Sean took the other Quaid.
Oh, that's great.
That's a good theme for whoever's going there.
The Quaids.
The Quaids.
Lone Wolf of the Quaids.
When he shows up,
and they're looking at the Christmas lights,
it's just the funniest fucking thing ever.
She really is a beaut, Clark.
It's great,
and it's another one that you've seen so many times
that you can really fade in and out of it.
Yeah.
And when I think of that movie and being hungover, I think of things being in the fridge.
Which is an exciting thing for me.
You know what I mean?
Like somebody's done some cooking.
That is nice.
You've gone to a party.
And they're like, Shane, will you take some of this lavash home or whatever?
And you're like, yeah, I'll take it.
Shane's a big lavash party.
Yeah, like a lavash roll up with some ham and a pickle and some cream cheese.
Oh, my God.
Sue Carmel special.
Jessica Blaylock special.
But yeah, you bring one of those home.
Maybe you got a plate with six loose deviled eggs on it.
Oh, those don't make it home.
I've never had deviled eggs to make it past my hands.
Tomorrow deviled eggs.
Ian makes killer deviled eggs.
I'll devil the fuck out of that egg.
I love deviled eggs.
Don't you back me into a corner.
I'll devil my way out of it. You'll devil myiled eggs. Don't you back me into a corner. I'll devil my way out of it.
You'll devil my way out.
Here's a bar of some of Sean's hot sauce.
Hot sauce.
Yeah, for the deviled eggs.
I actually do.
I'll make a sriracha deviled egg.
Dude, tight.
Let's get hungover.
Yeah, just a good pick.
We could just jump.
Yeah.
Christmas Vacation is good.
I haven't seen it a ton.
It's one of the great shames of my, you know, one of those blind spots in my movie going on in history.
But you do have a couple. I do have a couple.
And like Christmas Vacation is one of them, so
I don't know why I'm even talking right now.
It's so good.
They just show him out, empty, and
Shooter's full! That's one of the funny...
It just, you picture like,
man, what if that dude was out in front of my
crib, empty in his shitter. I love when they
fucking, their grandparents come, and they're just like, well, what if that dude was out in front of my crib, empty in his shitter? I love when they fucking, their grandparents come, and they're just like, well, they're
old, and they don't have a lot of money, so they just take things from around the house
and box them up, and one of them's a cat.
Yeah, the movie's fantastic.
Seasonal picks.
Hell yeah.
And yeah, I was thinking about having a seasonal pick on there.
It's a good call.
Well, I did it.
I like your moxie breath.
I like your sand on that one.
My sand?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Thanks, man.
David.
So watching a tennis match.
A very boring athletic tennis match.
A third pick, very straightforward, a league of their own.
Oh.
It's so long.
It spans so much time.
You can be up in the beginning, fall asleep in the middle,
still see Dottie come back for the reunion at the end.
It's perfect.
That movie's beautiful.
That is, I bet I've seen that movie twice.
Yeah, I think I've seen it once.
What?
I've seen it probably a dozen times.
Yeah, me too.
I've seen it probably 10, 12 times.
High fastballs.
You can't lay off them.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
You realize what a competitor she is?
She's such a competitor.
Tom Hanks is great in that movie.
That little shitty fat kid that you love to hate is in that movie.
Stillwell Angel.
Ian Carver.
Stillwell.
Say you're going to lose like a little kid.
Come on.
Say you're going to lose like you're taunting me.
Yeah, you're going to lose. You're goingunting me. Yeah, you're going to lose.
You're going to lose.
Pretty close.
That's how talented you are.
That was not still well from A League of Their Own.
Yeah, Rosie O'Donnell was there.
And her and Madonna are great together.
Oh, so charming.
Some of those girls will be going home.
Oh, man.
And then, yeah, Kit.
Like, the whole Gina Davis.
That movie's great, man. Who plays her sister? Kit. Like, the whole Gina Davis. That movie's great, man.
Who plays her sister?
Who plays Kit?
I'm not sure.
It's the girl.
Isn't that girl from Tank Girl?
Or am I crazy?
Lori Petty?
That might be her.
Is that who it is?
No, it might be Tank Girl.
Yeah, possibly.
But yeah, I feel like I've been sleeping on that movie.
It's all over Netflix.
I should watch it again.
There's some cry scenes in that movie.
Oh, it's so.
And it's just like.
Those are good. Yeah, we haven't had enough of those. Yeah, we haven't had enough movie. Oh, it's so... And it's just like... Those are good.
Yeah, we haven't had enough of those.
Yeah, we haven't had enough crying.
We were so drunk, you're like getting...
Yeah.
We were so hungover, you're like,
listen, I'm getting it out.
You got a very low ceiling.
Whatever I didn't get to last night,
Geena Davis is going to take me to today.
Dr. Davis, I call her when I'm watching it.
She's like, I guess let's go fix another drink.
Let's see where the messenger shows up.
Oh, and they all know.
Those moments, because it's fun, because a lot of times when you're hungover,
there'll be one or two other hungover people in the room with you.
Like at the domicile, for instance.
And it's always fun when you get those moments where you're crying in a room
with other dudes who are crying, but you never acknowledge it with each other.
It happened the other night
when we were watching Queer Eye.
It happened so hard.
I guarantee you all three of us were crying.
Did you tweet something about this the other day?
I tweeted about Queer Eye today.
You went on a little tirade today.
Not a tirade. That makes it sound bad.
A comedically hyperbolic take.
Yeah, complimentary.
Which is that everybody's going in on Antony
because he'll like, like,
like he'll just teach them
a very basic appetizer
where he's making like,
here's how to make guac
or, you know,
here's how to make
this one whatever dish,
you know,
and it's very basic shit.
But nobody's talking about
how all Tan does
is get everybody
like a bunch of graphic
button-up short sleeves
that they can either
wear on their own
or put a jacket over
and then some pants that fit better,
and then brown shoes or white trainers.
For everybody that we've seen so far.
But Anthony's catching all the flack
because Tan has better hair.
That's my take.
Is he catching that much flack?
Oh, well, you just like gentle ribbing on the internet.
Not real flack.
I think that show's got a 100% approval rating.
Oh, dude, it's pretty positive.
Anyone with a brain or heart or a soul.
I was crying like five minutes in the other night.
It's so good.
I've never watched it.
Oh, dog.
The only way you could not like it is if you hate queer guys and straight guys.
Yeah.
It's the only way you wouldn't like that show.
And eyes.
I might stick my toe in that pool.
You got to stick your toe in.
Oh, you'll love it.
You'll be hooked.
Yeah, I bet I will.
That seems like exactly the kind of thing I would fall for.
Yeah. And actually, we've set you up with him right now. What'll be hooked. Yeah, I bet I would. That seems like exactly the kind of thing I would fall for. Yeah.
And actually, we've set you up with him right now.
What if you got queer-eyed, dude?
What if you got queer-eyed right now?
Wow.
Like, they just came in?
I don't know what they could do to paint on this can.
Cut that hair is what they'd do.
I got it trimmed yesterday.
They give him a red necklace.
We were wrong.
What if it just could...
What?
Hey, first of all, you weren't even there, rude fucking prick.
You rude fucking prick.
Secondly, I saw a picture of it the other day.
It looked great.
It looked terrible.
I would love to see that picture.
I'm not taking shit off of anybody who's dressed like you like that.
I would love to see that picture.
I would give anything to see.
I would wear that necklace right now.
And I'd make fun of you just like I did.
You could.
You'd be fucking wrong.
Where'd you see this picture?
Where'd you see this picture?
On the goddamn internet.
We're finding it.
Go ahead.
Find it.
Tweet it.
Is it on Facebook?
Yeah, it's on Facebook.
All right, we'll put it out there and we'll let the people decide.
I'll dig through that hard.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
We'll go on the Silk Road.
I'll go to the dark web.
Dark web.
The dark web.
So, a league of their own, huh?
All right, great pick, David.
It is time for my third and fourth picks, as it is.
As it is.
With my third pick, I just want to break up the dude-heavy movies for a second,
but this third and fourth pick could really go either way.
Whoa, come on.
I just picked a league of their own.
My own.
My own.
I'm sorry, David.
David, yours has been very diverse.
I meant my own dude-heavy picks.
Okay.
I'm going to take one of my favorite movies, but especially hungover, little motion picture
called The Devil Wears Prada.
Oh, okay.
That was just on like two or three weeks ago you were watching that.
It's always funnier than you remember it being, too.
It's funny.
Which is so much so good.
Stanley Tucci just fucking falling out of control in that movie.
Kills it.
Big rings.
Yep.
Dope sweaters.
Big rings.
Fantastic performance.
Rings real big.
Rings real big.
He's got a really big team, and he needs some really big rings.
Sure.
Meryl Streep, I mean, we don't need to say much about Meryl Streep, the god.
Just in there, putting up a...
Like, just the LeBron James of acting.
Just throwing out a chick.
Just putting up seasons like crazy.
The holy mother.
She's so good in it.
Anne Hathaway, fantastic in it.
And also, because we can't pick TV shows, but Entourage's Avery Grenier, an all-'ll support a girl in there uh and uh fuck who's
the other she plays the other emily bleezy emily bleezy dude young bleezy for sheezy
emily rolled up a blunt and smoked it that whole movie yeah fucking killed it
it's just it's just great there's like a lot there's like it's a compelling storyline but it's shallow
in a way that's very important
you don't have to think too deep
but it is
you laugh a lot
you laugh a lot
yeah
who's like the
the sleazy guy
like the guy she sleeps with
that's not Adrian
oh I forget his name
but he's a journalist
yeah the mentalist guy
yeah
I don't get like
what is appealing about him
he's just a hunk
is he
yeah he's just a hunk. Is he? Yeah.
He's just a hunk of beef.
He is a hunk.
He's going...
Yeah.
That's what I've been doing wrong.
Yeah.
He doesn't live up to your unrealistic standards, Shane.
No, I just like...
He's weird looking.
He's like a grown up little boy.
He's got like a lantern jaw.
He's got like a beautiful curly head of hair, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, you're describing a hunk. Curly blonde? Are you describing a hunk? I think he's a hunk, dude. He's the opposite beautiful curly head of hair, right? Yeah. Yeah, you're describing a hunk.
Curly blonde?
Are you describing a hunk?
I think he's a hunk, dude.
He's the opposite of a hunk.
Nice little...
Who's your favorite hunk?
Marissa's shaking her head.
Yeah, hunk, right?
He's a hunk.
Oh, yeah.
Marissa's...
We got her from Canada.
Marissa don't lie.
She's the tiebreaker.
He's probably Canadian.
You said that like there's something wrong with that chin.
He probably is.
I was about to say my hunk.
He's probably perfect.
He's Canadian. Okay. Yeah, I think you to say my hunk. He's probably perfect. He's Canadian.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think you know who he is.
No, I don't.
Simon Baker is the actor's name.
Simon Baker.
Dude, he's a hunk.
Taylor Kitsch.
Oh, yeah.
Tay-Tay, he's Canadian?
Yeah, he's Canadian.
Oh, my God.
Oh, come on.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Oh, shit.
I don't know what happened to him.
You've got to back up.
Everybody Google a picture of Simon Baker, whether you're on the freeway or skydiving.
Yeah, that's not what.
Come on.
You don't think that's a hunk?
What are you talking about?
That guy's out of control.
You don't think that's a hunk?
You're not even fucking showing me.
That's a hunk of USDA, baby.
Yeah, dog.
Oh, that guy.
That guy's a good-looking lawyer at best.
That's like...
Good-looking...
What is it like in your head?
I don't know sometimes. What's your scale? Are you a 10 on your scale and everything else? Because that's how, good looking. What is it like in your head? I don't know sometimes.
What's your scale?
Are you a 10 on your scale and everything else?
Because that's how my scale works.
I'm the only person on my scale.
I'm glad that guy's not on billions because it would take me out of it.
You know what I mean?
That's how good looking he is.
Yeah.
Shout out to Simon Baker, friend of the podcast.
Yeah, yeah, Simon Baker.
He listens, dude.
Don't look at me with those cold ass eyes.
Bakes, dude?
Those cold Jew eyes. i did not say that
looking at me right now trying to figure out how you can make your next red santa for me
i didn't have anything to do with this yeah i don't get it that was all shane
shane i just love the devil wears prada and there's a few of those really good scenes.
There are some great, yeah.
The whole, I mean, when Meryl's explaining
how she got that blue sweater.
The difference between the belts.
Is that what you're talking about?
Well, there's the whole, she's talking, yeah.
Yeah, that's a great scene.
You think none of it matters,
but you don't know, like, yada, yada, yada.
This is how you got your blue sweater.
Yeah.
She fucks Emily Blasey out of that trip to Paris? already did yeah i don't i could never do that to a friend
you already did she's like fuck yeah didn't want anyone to call her on it a restrained meryl
streep uh-huh down down there way down there we have the uh we have the paul g because we've been
watching billions the paul giamatti scale popular television show and show like this it's the paul
giamatti scale so it's like wherever he's taking's this? It's the Paul Giamatti scale.
So it's like wherever he's taken it in that given moment.
And a lot of Paul Giamatti's down here.
Yeah.
It's down here.
It's like if you picture a frothing pit bull, how high on the leash are you holding him?
Okay, I understand.
You know what I mean? Most of the time, you've got like right on the neck.
I want my hand by his face.
Yeah, sometimes, dude.
The closer to the collar is the lower he is.
Lower it is.
But sometimes you barely hold on.
Paul Giamatti's just going crazy on a piece of...
So if you're at the end of the leash, it's a...
I'm not drinking any fucking Merlot.
Yeah, that's up here.
Exactly.
That's up here, the Giamatti scale.
The Giamatti scale, I like it.
The Giamatti scale.
Moving on to the interest of time.
Even though the Devil Wears Prada is bomb, we could talk about it for two hours.
Even though it's bomb.
For this next one, rather than making the pick, I think I'm going to ask you a question.
Oh, shit.
Christ.
And that question is, where's Lau?
I'm not wearing hockey pads.
I think hockey pads is from the first movie, but what I'm drafting is, just to clarify,
but I did want to kick that off.
Pray to me.
Pray to me.
Where's Lau?
I'm picking The Dark Knight.
Shane, give me your best one of those.
Just any
Any one of them
Thanks
Keep talking
Where's loud
I'm not
Do it
That was Shane
Where's loud
Oh
You took it
You took it
You were holding it
By the face right there
I liked it
Like you were holding
The leash right by the face
Where's loud
There it is
Yeah it's really good
I got scared
Laker girls Whoa L scared. Laker Girls.
Whoa.
Laker Girls.
Laker Girls.
Where are the Laker Girls?
Come on.
Way to the road.
We just make every pick like that.
Where's Loud?
Where's Loud?
Yeah, Dark Knight is just great.
You know, I had a Dark Knight poster for a while.
What is that, unframed?
When I was younger.
Framed or unframed?
When I was in my younger days.
In your early 30s?
I feel like that was like pretty recently.
Used to have a Dark Knight poster.
I feel like Marissa's laughing a little too hard at that for those listeners who can't hear Super Producer laughing.
On your way home from work, you got off a little early,
stopped at the Spencer's Gifts after you got off from
Hot Topic. What do you think got me home from work, dude?
Thinking about seeing that unframed Dark
Night poster in my
mom's attic, where I lived,
on my twin mattress
with the smallest flat screen
TV I've ever seen. You nasty twin.
It was flat, though. It was
flat before they was all flat, dude. 12 inches flat. It was flat, though. It was flat. Before, it was all flat, dude.
12 inches flat.
Those are 20s.
Those are 13s.
I keep them clean now.
You keep them clean now.
Yeah, I kept it clean.
I used to Windex it.
Yeah, Dark Knight, I mean, what can we say?
Oh, dude, it's great.
It's great.
Again, I've seen it enough that I can come in and out of it, but it's also got great
scenes.
Yeah.
I think that's what really makes a good hangover movie.
It's got great scenes that are almost like capsules that you can watch in a joke.
Yeah, for sure.
And it's like Goodfellas where you can be like, oh, shit, dude.
He's about to rough him up in the interrogation room.
Yeah, exactly.
One of those.
Or they're about to do that freeway scene where the Joker's just standing there like, hit me.
One of the best scenes.
Yeah.
He's about to tell someone how he got those scars.
You know how I got these scars.
A little bit like Paul Giamatti.
Hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey's
squeeze.
It makes me want to bring back
an old word like that.
Slicks his hair back and you're like, dog, you got
scars on.
Let her go.
Bad choice of
I can't do the Joker.
Dude, I thought the Joker was here for a second.
Do it again.
Bad choice...
I can't do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're tonight's entertainment.
We're not intimidated by thugs.
That old man balls up for a second.
Eric Roberts getting a little action.
Yeah, Eric Roberts.
Oh, yeah.
There's like, that is a scene where like every good actor is shining at one point.
Like Gary Oldman kills it.
Yeah, the Gary Oldman is great in that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The Gary Oldman.
The Gary Oldman.
I love it when he thinks he's going to unmask Batman.
And Gary Oldman, like I think they've already killed him.
He's just like, could you give me just one second?
Yeah, Dark Knight, great movie.
David, time for your fourth pick.
My fourth pick?
A lot of people would think I would go with the first in the series of movies, and I didn't.
I went with Meatballs 2.
No, I went with the second one.
I just think it's brighter colors.
It's more cartoony, more individual scenes.
I'm going next Friday.
Yeah.
It is a fun one.
It's so fun.
And it's like you don't have, you can see any one of those scenes and feel like you saw the movie.
You know about all the bootleg snacks before they come out?
All the 2000 snacks. Then you go down here and you do that X-Games shit off the counter. You know about all the bootleg snacks before they come out? All the 2000s.
Maybe because of this and you do that X-Games shit off the counter,
we're both going to be fired.
Baby D.
Baby D.
Sprinkles.
Say it, bitch!
They really do a terrible stereotype of Latin.
Is that the one in the cul-de-sac?
Yeah.
Cruelty to animals, that's it.
Yeah, they really are.
Don't look at me, little puppy.
Yeah, there's that movie.
I'm an Incan warrior or something like that.
I'm an Aztec warrior.
I'm an Aztec warrior, yeah.
That movie's just, and Uncle Elroy is hilarious.
Yeah.
It's just, and his aunt is gross.
Not gross.
She wasn't actually their nephew's friend.
Yeah, yeah.
But like, yeah, that movie is just...
Onks a freak.
And, like, Michael Jackson or Michael Blackson.
Yeah, Michael Blackson.
I cannot continue with this shit.
Oh, man.
That movie...
Oh, that is him.
That is Michael Blackson.
That movie's all...
You can watch any part of it, and you feel good, and you're happy, and it's just...
Yeah, Next Friday is so much fun to watch.
It is like a cartoon of a movie.
It's so much fun to watch. And it's, like yeah, next Friday is so much fun to watch. It is like a cartoon of a movie. It's so much fun to watch.
And it's like in that football jersey era.
So Cube's got a football jersey on the whole thing.
He's got like one of those baby blue.
He's got like a Charles Woodson jersey or something.
It's like a baby blue jersey.
It is a Donna jersey.
Yeah, it's not even a real team.
Oh, I never fucked with that era of non-sports team jerseys.
I think I definitely have like a players with a Z baseball jersey.
For sure.
I used to have those reversible Russell Athletics, just like basketball jerseys, those cheap ones.
I'd be like, it's green and purple.
No one's ever going to know.
When I'm wearing the green, they're never going to see the purple.
Damn, Sean got two jerseys.
Look at that hard-ass motherfucker
i had a fooboo baseball jersey damn my dad i could never yeah i could never my dad gave it
a shot one time i could never fucking do like a branded jersey that'd be fucking crazy oh man i
loved it pat jordan came tripping out of a ross one time with a fooboo jersey big enough to cover
a minivan and he's like what do you think bud and I go ah dad
back on the rack
why not
back on the rack
we couldn't wear that stuff
because we'd look like
Kevin Smith
I already look like
Kevin Smith
yeah
and I look like
a different Kevin Smith
we can't
I think we could do it
let's get some
white zombie hockey jerseys
Shane it's time for your fourth pick.
We like to spring it up on you.
Okay.
Pick number four for me will be, this is my cry one, Friday Night Lights.
Hell yeah, dude.
It is.
So goddamn sad.
Can you hold on to the football, Donnie?
Can you hold on to the football, Donnie?
What do you do?
Simple.
Hold on to the goddamn ball!
Get the fuck out of here, Dad!
Yeah.
What's wrong with you?
He's just duct taping his hair.
First of all, on that, so for those who haven't seen, Tim McGraw comes bursting in the scene
when his kid's making out with a girl on the couch, and he goes, who's this?
And then Billingsley messes up the girl's name.
And you're like, oh, Donnie.
Oh, Donnie.
You feel bad for him.
And then Tim McGraw just starts duct taping his hands to the football right in front of his girlfriend.
So harsh.
I don't feel 17.
I don't think it was his girlfriend.
Well, you're right.
Fiance.
Fiance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fiance.
That scene where they're, like, shooting shotguns out in the, like, what is it, Central or the West Texas? Do you feel 17? Yeah, fiance. Fiance. Fiance. That scene where they're shooting shotguns out into what is essentially the West Texas
cancer.
Dude, you feel 17.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God.
I don't feel 17.
Fucking poor Kansas.
Dude, when Boobie Miles gets back into the whip, that will make me fucking bawl my eyes
out.
I like it when Boobie is dancing with two girls to that Public Enemy song.
They're like, I got a letter from the government the other day.
Oh, man.
That shit was great.
And then that girl's
in the other room like,
I want to play with a starter.
No, I want to be with a starter.
And he's like,
well, what do you want me to do?
He's so good at football.
He's just very practical about it.
It's not like an athlete's
demeanor, typically.
It's for them to be like,
eh, well, you know.
Yeah, it's such a good fucking cry movie.
It's so good.
It is.
Also, if you,
I don't know how deep you got in the special features,
but when Boobie gets hurt in that movie,
they cut to the real Boobie Miles being like,
oh man, damn.
And you're like, damn, Boobie.
I've researched what happened to a lot of those.
All those guys?
Chavez had a great life.
Not a ton of happy stories.
Chavez had a great life. Yeah, he of happy stories. Chavez had a great life.
Yeah, he went to Harvard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was like,
but Billingsley's life was tough.
One of my favorite scenes
is when they go to play
Dallas Carter.
It's like they have them
walking out
and they're all little
and holding hands
and then everybody
on the Dallas Carter team
has beards
and they're like
grown fucking men.
And they are scary looking.
It was like 1986
when they were playing
hip hop from 2 to 2.
And like South Dallas which is like, they're so scary. Terrifying. Have you seen? And they're like and they are scary it was like 1986 when they were playing hip hop from Dallas
which is like
they're so scary
terrifying
and they're like
barking and shit
have you seen shit
about those Carter kids
though there's like
I think a 30 for 30
maybe about it
or a documentary
those kids were scary
as hell
yeah like one of them
made it to the pros
and they were like
12 of them had signed
D1 Con
yeah they were like
those were
yeah they were like
they ended up like
three weeks after that,
like they robbed a liquor store.
Yeah, that's what happened.
There's something crazy like that.
I can't remember exactly, but like, it's in the book.
Yeah, it is in the book.
Buzz Bissinger.
Yeah.
Right?
That scene where.
Cousin of Pete Berg.
Really?
Yep.
Oh, that makes sense.
That's how the whole thing happened.
What'd you say?
Custody of Pete Berg?
Cousin.
Oh, I thought you said, well, I didn well, I don't know who we're talking about.
Custody of grown man.
I thought he raised one of these kids or adopted a kid or something.
I had no idea who we're talking about still.
Noy.
Noy.
Neva?
Noy.
Noyva.
When Billingsley's dad walks up to him and hands him the fucking ring.
Yeah, that did not happen in real life.
Well, didn't happen with my goddamn dad either, but it doesn't stop me from crying, I'll tell you that.
Pat Jordan just peeled out in his baby blue blazer when I lost games.
He left you there?
And you can find your own way home.
Losers walk home.
To your mom's house, because I don't have any custody.
The bench seat and the Camino's for winners.
I'm going to go back to my modest apartment with a hot plate in it, because I'm your dad.
And then just, of course course the Friday night lights manipulate
oh the soundtrack?
explosions in the sky
yeah just manipulating every little emotional twing in you
you ever do some bullshit to that music and feel like you're not living up to it?
yes
yeah me too
I'll be like writing monologue jokes to explosions
I'm like this isn't
this isn't right it's like poetry without words when I listen to it and then I'm be like writing monologue jokes to explosion I'm like this isn't yeah this isn't right
it's like poetry without words
when I listen to it
and then I'm just like
ugh god
I gotta call an appraiser
for this house
it is great though
it's like a great mix of sad
and like cool football moments
and that was like
when he was starting to do
the thing
like I think that was like
the first movie I remember
like I think
Peeper directed it
yeah
it's the first like
I remember him doing
like kind of him finding his style
and he did
and then played a heavy hand in Ballers
when you saw that
Friday morning the day it came out
line out the door of the theater
Friday morning Lions
you got up and did some cocaine
and then you went
I went with Simon Elizondo Torres You got up and did some of those, some cocaine, and then you went Friday Night Live.
I went with Simon Elizondo Torres.
Yeah.
Went and saw that.
And I remember my dad didn't read the book, and I read the book, and at the end he was just like, get over the lot.
What was that?
Get over the lot, because they're dog-hiling.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he was just like, and I was just like, and the book, they threw it.
It was a pass.
Yeah. And they do it. It was a pass.
And they do it at Texas Daryl Oil Stadium instead.
That book was like they were way more hardcore in that book.
Yeah, it was sad. There was the one guy who was just like, I fought everybody.
What other, they're like talking about like, ah, that one kid just played with a broken foot for most of the season.
You're like, you're in high school.
That's insane.
Do you feel 17?
Oh, God. Killing me.
Sean, do you feel like making your fourth and final
picks? I do. And I haven't really had
a crier on there yet, so
I'm going to pick... Under siege, dark territory.
Yeah, Steve. I call him
Steve Seagal.
I'm going to pick
Saving Private Ryan.
Too much for me.
It's too much for me.
You like these fucking sagas.
Yeah, I do.
I really do.
But is that like you wake up at 2 p.m.?
Yeah.
Okay.
These are all I'm getting up at 2.
Okay.
Some of these I feel like I get up at 11 on my hangovers.
Yeah.
Sometimes I wake up a little early just so I can be hungover all day.
It doesn't make sense, but that's just how I do it.
I can't watch that opening scene hungover.
It's a heavy ass movie.
It is.
Jesse.
The movie is so good.
And honestly, the only time I feel like I can deal with that is when you're out of it.
When you're just laying on the couch like a zombie and you're like,
yeah, what crazy. This is nuts.
You're looking at it like, holy shit, this is crazy.
If I'm not in any kind of an altered state,
I'm just like, well, no, this is banana.
See, when I'm hungover, I want to be laying on the couch
and when I watch Saving Private Ryan,
I'm standing up and saluting the whole time.
So it's like tough.
Solitary tears running down my cheeks.
You're looking at a poster of Good Will Hunting.
Of Good Will Hunting, yeah.
And you keep looking back at me and you go,
tell me I was a good man.
Was I worth it?
That kid, oh, it almost got me right there.
It's so Buck at the end.
And also there's just so many.
Earn this.
There's just so much acting in that movie.
Oh, yeah.
Fucking acting.
People are acting their asses off.
Yeah.
Adam Goldberg. Oh, yeah. When they're, dude. People are acting their asses off. Yeah. Adam Goldberg.
Oh, yeah.
When they have all the Nazi soldiers, like, Jew.
He's showing them his star.
I love that.
Oh, man.
And it happens, I get up and just start punching people, dude.
Oh, yeah.
As is your right.
Come here.
Listen, I've seen it.
It's clubbing.
You didn't.
You're not even.
You didn't hit it.
You're just grabbing them and hitting them overhand.
It's really weird.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I yell out El Cabong and then hit them on the top of the head.
Yeah.
Dude, just that I don't even want to mention the exact part of the storming the beach scene,
but there's one part that just guts me.
Yeah.
And the idea of seeing that hungover would just like, yeah, exactly.
He got gutted. Yeah. That would just of seeing that hungover would just like, yeah, exactly. He got gutted.
Yeah.
That would just like, my whole day would be thrown off.
I'm like, I can't eat Taco Bell now.
That's a very good point.
I wasn't necessarily thinking about that enough.
And you're right.
That is a very good point.
But it is a tearjerker.
I still stick with my opinion.
The scene that kills me in that movie is when Adam Goldberg dies.
Yeah.
Because he's like screaming for help.
It's just like, you're a fucking cow.
Get it?
But is it Barry Pepper who's the sniper yeah no yeah barry pepper's the sniper
right yeah yeah yeah barry pepper shout out shout out that guy's dope in that movie also like when
he's just like when he's praying yeah like it's just like jesus he shoots that guy that german
maybe it's a good thing yeah that's that's the best maybe it's a good thing you didn't make it
back from the war yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You would have trouble
adjusting to civilian life.
Dude, Eddie Burns
is a fucking killer
in that movie.
Giovanni Ribisi's killer.
That's another crime moment.
Vincenzo Di Zarelli, dude.
Vincenzo Di Zarelli.
It's his full name, I think.
Chantel Jordan.
And this is, I mean, honestly, I don't know how this didn't get picked yet but
this is why i thought i almost picked this first and i just kind of waited to see if it was going
to go pick but it's shawshank redemption that was on my list yeah that is just when i think
with prison movies especially when i'm hungover it's just when i think of this entire topic that's
what the very first thing that popped into my head.
Whenever we joke about doing this, that's when I'm like, oh, Shawshank.
It's because it's like it knows you ran up a bar tab the night earlier.
It's like TNT is like, whoa, Sean spent 60 bucks.
The Roots somehow.
Make sure we run Shawshank.
Let's keep him in the house.
With limited commercial interruption.
Make sure he turns it on when the Brooks scene happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Keep him in the house.
I'd like to tell you, you didn't have 16 cocktails last night.
I cannot do that.
Sean Jordan, I didn't think much of him the first time I laid eyes on him.
Tall, silver spoon up his ass.
Who's going to prove me wrong?
Is that what you thought about me?
Yeah, I don't like you still.
I remember the first time I saw you
and I fell immediately in love, and I've cherished
our friendship ever since. Well, I didn't fall in
love, so you can fuck right off.
I hate your guts, dude. Shawshank.
I love me a Shawshank. I think
it's like the quintessential hangover
ass movie. And
it's got a happy ending. Rarity for
some of these movies. It's because it's got such
a dark middle.
I guess when the middle's just pitch's got such a dark middle. Yeah.
I guess when the middle's just pitch black, then a little bit of light. You have to turn the light on at some point.
A dark middle is a gross.
It's open to windows.
All the stuff that happened in the middle is gross.
Oh, it's brutal.
Yeah.
That movie's like, because it's one of those things that they really church it up, but
it's still a prison movie.
Yeah.
I mean, they don't church it up. I guess they do. It's rough, but it's still a prison movie yeah yeah i mean they don't church
it up oh i guess they do like he gets a cushy job it's not graphic yeah like yeah because and like
the bottle of sud scenes like those like humanizes it a little bit yeah those outweigh the like him
with the broom handle pushing him back the sister's never bothered andy again and what's his name never
walked again you're like fuck that's yeah that guy is
what he's just like
he's like
anybody come at you yet
anybody get to you
and he's like
washing himself in the shower
and he's just like
hard to get
I like that
you're just like
ugh
ugh
just
yeah
he's got that weird
prison muscle look to him
yeah
it's all leathery
that's why I never commit
mail fraud
you know
the only reason.
Shane, it is time for your
final pick.
It wouldn't be an appearance for me if I
didn't blow it.
I tag Netflix.
Oh, I hate you.
I haven't picked this, and there is a specific reason for this.
Yeah.
It was the only thing stuck in a DVD player in a house I lived in for a while.
Oh, hell yeah.
I like that.
Only a little backstory.
Welcome to Mooseport.
What?
No.
What?
You're a model for your brother?
Yes.
What are you doing?
Boy, you did blow it.
That's your closer?
Yeah.
Well, I didn't want to take it first.
You didn't even hit the rim with that.
You're not even playing basketball. You didn't even hit the rim with that. Not as a blank bet.
You didn't even throw a basketball.
You frozen butterball turkey heaved it up at the rim.
You shot a potato gun.
I'm telling you, this was like when I was bartending all the time.
I lived in a house.
It was a dump.
It was stuck in the DVD player.
It was the only thing on that you could just...
We didn't have TV.
We just had the DVD player.
So for like a month or two, it was just Welcome to Mooseport was on all the time.
Isn't that Ray Romano running against...
Gene Hackman.
Gene Hackman for the mayor of a town called Mooseport?
Yep.
Yep.
And my girl Maura Tierney's in it.
Oh, you do like Maura Tierney.
I do, yeah.
And Fred Savage.
Well, I guess he's a bad guy.
That's not much of a selling point.
Is it the Wonder Years, the movie?
Why haven't they made that yet?
If I sang out of tune.
I always think you're going to do the other rap version now.
What would you do if I popped your whole crew?
Would you run like a bitch from me? Bitch is not lesser in any sense. What would you do if I popped your whole crew?
Would you run like a bitch from me?
Bitch is not lesser than anything.
Thank you.
People don't test because we come from the West.
Yes, the W-E-S to the T.
Holy crap, that is... That is...
Man, Joe Cocker, I heard the Beatles version of that song today.
I like the Joe Cocker version.
Which Ringo sings.
And I'm like, boy, Joe Cocker really blew that fucking Brit right out of the water, didn't he?
With his own cannon.
What do you say he just snatched a chain?
Snatched, took his chain right off his neck.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
Pulled the wig, snatched the chain.
But he fucking kills it, like, opened it. Oh, amazing. It's so good. Poor Ringo. I mean, you know. They his neck. Yeah, dude. Yeah. But he fucking kills it, like opened it.
Oh, amazing.
It's so good.
Poor Ringo.
I mean, you know.
He gave him a shot, whatever.
He was a needle.
He's the fucking drummer.
You can't expect him to be that good.
Tell Phil Collins that, bro.
I will.
Tell Mick Fleetwood that.
I don't know if he ever sings.
Phil Collins was the drummer, though, right?
Tell Meg White that.
Well, you can't tell Meg White that.
No, you can't.
You don't even know her, dude.
I'd have to give you her number, and that's a whole thing.
Yes, welcome to Mooseport.
You've got to check with her if it's cool.
Welcome to Mooseport.
Yeah, and then now I'm weird for asking her if it's cool.
Yeah, she's like, uh, honestly?
She goes, Shane, who?
And I go, Torres.
The other half hour, and she's like, mm.
And now our friendship's kind of sketchy.
Welcome to Mooseport.
She's like, Julio Torres?
You're like, no, no, no, no, no.
I'll never get full shine.
That's why.
Yes, you will.
You got full shine right now.
David, it is time for your final pick.
I'm having such a hard time closing this out, man.
So nobody wants to say anything about Welcome to Mooseport?
Nobody wants to.
Of course you don't.
No.
Welcome to Mooseport. Now leaving Mooseport No. Welcome to Mooseport.
Now leaving Mooseport.
Peace out, Mooseport.
You guys ought to give it a shot. It's fun.
Damn it.
My last movie...
There's a lot left.
The Hangover Draft
is going
to be...
Tune in next week
for the thrilling conclusion
Will David Draft
I'm going for it
my name is
Steven
Willie
oh shit
any given sucker
I got the ladies
cold creaming
think you can stop me
you're dreaming
metrics
inflate your chest
yeah that movie is so good I fucking love that movie You're dreaming. Metrex, inflate your chest.
Yeah, that movie is so good. I fucking love that movie, dude.
It's intense.
It's so good.
It's so epic.
LL Cool J's in there doing his thing.
Lawrence Taylor, dude?
Lawrence Taylor.
In the steam room?
Yeah, terrifying.
That's a great...
Oh, yeah.
That is a man's body.
Oh, my God.
That is the body of a man.
It's fucking insane how thick he is.
He looks like he could just play again.
It's one of those things where it's like,
oh, if you shot him with a gun that wasn't big enough,
he would still keep walking towards you.
You need a special gun for him.
It's fucking crazy.
You don't need a special gun for me.
You need a special gun for that body.
It's fucking insane.
You got full blown out speakers Pacino on it?
You know what I mean?
The Pantheon Cup!
The Pantheon Cup! The Pantheon Cup!
I don't know what to say, really.
Win one.
Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives.
All comes down to today.
And either we heal as a team, or we're going to crumble.
He was the least believable part of that whole movie.
He'll do that.
Elizabeth Berkley.
Four seconds is a lifetime.
He'll go ahead and go over the top sometimes,
throw an industry term at you.
Over the top.
Yeah.
Elizabeth Berkley was great in it.
Jim Brown.
Call girl Elizabeth Berkley.
Talk about a guy who looks like he could still play.
Jesus Christ.
Jim Brown would fuck me up today.
Like fist fight?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No holds barred
Jim Brown beats my ass
oh yeah
all four of us
at the same time
are you kidding
like he's so strong
that dude uh
Latimer
he was like
he could play
in any time period
like yeah
yeah yeah
like Jim Thorpe
yeah yeah
just fuck
Cam Diaz is great
Cam Diaz is great
it's maybe my favorite
Cam Diaz
and Margaret's really good
at it too
yeah and Margaret is good yeah that's a fair favorite Cameron Diaz. And Margaret's really good at it, too. Yeah, and Margaret is good.
Yeah.
That's a fair favorite Cameron Diaz.
I think so, right?
She acts her ass off.
It's just so good.
She's great in it.
Uh-huh.
I think The Mask.
Jamie Foxx is-
I like The Mask.
He's a mask guy.
Yeah.
That's the first time I saw her.
Fell in love with her there.
Yeah, for sure.
But yeah, no, Any Given Sunday.
It's got everything I want.
The end is real good.
I just, yeah, I like that movie so much. Yeah. It's a come- want. The end is real good. I like that movie so much.
Yeah.
John C. McGinley, too.
What?
John C. McGinley's the sports writer.
Yeah, he is.
The Weasley sports writer.
James Woods.
Yeah, James Woods.
Who was actually supposed to be an optometrist.
And then, is it Aaron Eckhart or Thomas James?
Aaron Eckhart.
Eckhart's in there.
And that dude, Latimer from the program, I'll never know his real name,
but he was in there?
Yeah.
Is that Engie from the Street Fighter movie?
Yeah.
Is that the white guy?
Yeah, yeah.
Who puts the alligator in there?
Yeah, he's also the white supremacist
in Higher Learning.
Yeah, except for those two buff white dudes
in that movie just running amok.
Yeah, they really do run amok.
They are just wild.
Just playing Metallica all the time.
They're putting gators in the tub
and like, you will respect a white man.
And they're like, whoa, who wrote this book?
He's like yelling at his wife.
He's like, what the fuck did I get married for?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shitty.
Now I can't do it for you.
I'm too old.
Oh, a little Dennis Quaid, too.
Yeah.
Dennis Quaid.
Jesus, you forget about him.
He even mentions quitting, and his wife's like,
I married a fucking football player.
Yeah, yeah.
Holly Hunter?
I don't know. It's, um. I don't know who it is. She's from Dumb and Dumber, too married a fucking football player. Holly Hunter? I don't know.
It's, I don't know who it is.
She's from Dumb and Dumber too, right?
Same gal.
Lauren Holly?
Yes.
Is that?
That's Lauren Holly?
Yeah.
I don't know that, but I know that that movie's great.
That Al Pacino speech with that sparse guitar in the background, though.
I love it.
I love it too.
I can actually, you played it right now.
I'd be so happy.
I'm saying, yeah.
I also like that when he was puking all the time.
Now I'm just thinking about all the parts.
I love when he was puking.
I love when he's like, remember when you used to go down to the car?
Yeah.
Turn left at the car.
Yeah, man.
Your mama bringing the dinner.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When he says it back to him.
Yeah, but William Freeman's like, I don't.
I didn't do any of that.
You're back in the hood.
Yeah.
Something like that.
Oh, I forgot about that.
I'm from Gavelston. You're back in the hood, you know. I forgot about that I'm from Gavelston
you're back in the hood
you know
oh god
I don't know
there's a ton of shit
in that movie
it's so stupid
it's so stupid
but it's great
they're all fake
made up teams
oh yeah
that weird like
and they have like
real coaches though
yeah but like
terrible jerseys
and like Dick Buckets
is in it
Bill Bellamy
yeah Bill Bellamy's in it.
And Terrell Owens is in it. She said, my sausage ain't right.
Bum me out.
Yeah, that movie was great.
Yeah, it's really good.
The Sharks, dude.
Great pick.
Miami Sharks.
All right, it's time for my final pick.
Closing it out.
And I have to take something that is both, I'm picking the movie itself, but also I'm picking it as a representation of a larger genre that has gone ignored, but is a crucial part of hungover weekend days.
I'm going to take the 30 for 30 documentary Winning Time about Reggie Miller and the Pacers going up against those early 90s New York Knicks.
Yeah.
And I'm taking it for that movie because I think it's fantastic.
I've watched it five or six times.
It's wonderful.
It's just like amazing, compelling storytelling.
Spike Lee's in it being great.
You get a little Cheryl Miller, a little Reggie Miller.
I love Cheryl Miller.
Cheryl.
Yeah.
That little story about Cheryl going for like 115 or whatever.
Going for a hondo when he got like 40.
Yeah, he was like, I scored 40 points.
And her and the dad are like up front.
Cheryl just put up 100.
And she got 50 boards.
What's your name?
But that's cute, Reggie.
That's cute.
Where do you live?
I love it.
It's just funny to think of him as the man who's never been able to be the hero.
Because he grew up with one of the greatest-
Basketball players to ever touch a basketball.
Basketball players ever as an older sister.
And then he went to the league and just had to play against Jordan and the Knicks
the whole time too.
How famous do you think
she would be
if she had played
where the WNBA was prominent?
I mean,
she'd hit the ceiling
the same like everybody else.
Yeah,
I don't think it would've gone like...
Fucking crazy.
I know,
but she's amazing.
She's a monster.
Yeah,
winning time.
And just I think
the genre as a whole,
sports documentaries
are so clutch.
Whether like any of those 30 for 30s.
Anything Magic and Bird related.
Magic and Bird.
The John Starks.
The John Starks, like when he's speaking to the camera.
The did this dude just do this.
Oh yeah, did this dude just did this.
That'll get me going all day.
I'm thinking, did this dude just did this?
When they're talking to Madrasad he's like
John Starks worked so hard to get to the league
he was like actually bagging groceries
at one point
that whole presence of mind
montage that like every hit the presence
of mind the presence of mind the presence of mind
right to like get behind the line
yeah when he went for like 13 points in whatever
seconds just great just like a good
watch eat up about an hour and a half of your time.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
God, I was alive.
Well, we were all alive.
But I remember watching that, and I didn't really.
I thought it was awesome, but I was like, I wonder if this is going to be a big deal.
Where you're watching it live, and you're like, I'm seeing something here.
Yeah.
This is.
People are going to talk about this.
I felt like that the first time I watched my Cone and say.
That was like a golden era for basketball.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
Yeah. That was a big deal. Because those East teams were always so kind of neck and neck outside of Jordan. I felt like that the first time I watched my Cone and Sam. That was a great playoff. That was like a golden era for basketball. Yeah, well, yeah. That was a big one.
Because those East teams
were always so kind of
neck and neck
outside of Jordan.
I know, yeah.
Everyone fighting
for the scraps.
Yeah, it was great.
Excellent.
So that's the final pick
of the draft.
Hell yeah.
Just to recap,
Sean, you went first.
You took Independence Day,
Bad Boys 2,
The Lord of the Rings,
colon,
The Fellowship of the Ring,
Saving Private Ryan, and Shawshank Redemption.
Shawshank?
That's a heavy day.
That's a heavy day.
Yeah.
Woof.
Shane Torres, you went second.
You took True Grit, Tombstone, Christmas Vacation, Friday Night Lights, and...
Yeah, I didn't see this part.
Yeah, I didn't see this part.
Damn it.
The aborted attempt to make Ray Romano a mainstream leading man in movies.
Welcome to Mooseport.
That could have been a great list, man.
David, you went third. It was a great list.
You took Gangs of New York.
There's a salary cap, David.
Everything's going to work out.
I understand.
I understand.
I understand.
David, you went third.
You took Gangs of New York, White Men Can't Jump, A League of Their Own, Next Friday,
and Any Given Sunday.
I went last and took Goodfellas, The Departed.
A lot of sports, Dave.
Yeah, a lot of sports in there.
It's a Sunday, baby.
I went Goodfellas, The Departed, The Devil Wears Prada, The Dark Knight, a lot of the
Ds, and wrapped it all up with Winning Time.
Hell yeah.
We left a lot of amazing movies on the board.
The original Friday, Pulp Fiction,
Heat, 300.
Mean Girls.
Mean Girls I have on there.
Wedding Crashers.
Patriots.
40-Year-Old Virgin.
Speed, Bridesmaids.
The main fugitive I had.
Princess Bride, Clueless.
Children.
Yeah.
Can't Hardly Wait. Tommyueless Can't Hardly Wait
Tommy Boy
So I Married an Axe Murderer is another one I know
Titanic
That's a good San Francisco movie to get angry at
Oh you take the cable car every day
That's what it's like living there
Yes
No it's not like that
They take the cable car every day
It's fine
I like the movie.
I understand.
I bet you did.
I still do.
And I like you, Shane.
I love you.
I'm so happy that you're here.
And I'm happy that I'm here with my friends.
This is the best.
I'm tired.
Everyone's asleep.
Who's out there in listener land?
Everybody fell asleep.
This is where Sean says some real dark shit.
Just let the podcast keep recording.
Sometimes I just stare at things when I get home.
Love and twist. Love and twist love and twist
it's called a TV
you're still
no the TV's on the static
and he's looking
six inches above it
there's a spider on the wall
I'm thinking about
doing things
I'm thinking about
going to the groundlings
taking classes
improvisation
a number of excellent picks
make sure on Twitter
to send us your picks.
We love when you do that.
Yeah.
I mean, what else?
What else?
Shout out to everyone on Twitter.
Shout out to everyone on Instagram.
We love you.
Shout out to everyone
on the AFE subreddit.
Hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah.
Shout out to Domo Genesis.
Shout out to Frankie Ocean.
Shout out to Haji Beats.
Shout out to Super Producer Marissa.
Aw, shit. We love you.aji Beats. Shout out to super producer Marissa.
We love you.
Please subscribe.
Give us five stars. Recommend us to your friends. If you think people
are going to love it, there's no shame in recommending it.
The more people who listen, the less
I have to work at the Late Late Show with James
Corden and then we can take the show on the
road more often.
It's just something to think about.
Noodle it around. Yes, yes, yes. It's just something to think about. Noodle it around.
Yeah, noodle it around.
And yeah, above all, more important than all of that, make sure you tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
Chicago Tea!
That was a big one.
That was a HeadGum Podcast.