All Fantasy Everything - Movies of the Oldman, Portman & Kidman (w/ Dana Schwartz, David Gborie & Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: December 3, 2020THE OLDMAN. THE PORTMAN. THE KIDMAN. GBORIE. JORDAN. KARMEL. SCHWARTZ. CAPITAL LETTERS. PERIODS. Whoa. Sorry about that, got caught in a loop. On this episode we draft movies made by Gary Old...man, Natalie Portman or Nicole Kidman with out guest - author, television scribe, podcast host, comic book author, master of the katana - Dana Schwartz!Episode Guest: Dana Schwartz @DanaSchwartzzz Podcast: Noble BloodSponsors:HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/allfantasy90 and use code allfantasy90 to get a total of $90 off, including freeshipping on your first box.BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/allfantasy.Box of Awesome - Get 20% off your first monthly box with code ALLFANTASY at boxofawesome.com.Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comAdvertise on All Fantasy Everything with Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is All Fantasy Everything,
the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything
from the world of pop culture,
from our favorite Thanksgiving food
to iconic facial hair and everything in between.
This week, we're joined by guest Dana Schwartz,
who is an author, television writer,
and host of the Noble Blood podcast.
We're going to be drafting the old man, the kid man, and the port man.
Because we've all been inside watching movies for eight months and we've got some opinions.
Let's hear that theme song. welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that invented
the term no justice no peace yeah no justice no peace and put it on a t-shirt and then
yeah middle school i just dressed like a militant black panther kind of when i was in middle school
in south dakota also we ended apartheid so it was a big time for us it was huge it was really
really big you guys and according to the crown the queen of eng England. She took a lesser role. The crime.
The crime.
The crime.
Have you guys been watching the crown?
Dana and I, we finished the crown.
I haven't even got to Queen's Gambit yet.
Oh, man.
You have a great queen-themed Netflix binge.
Yeah.
Prime to go.
I have two more seasons of Grey's Anatomy to get through before I even-
Fuck.
Before I even entertain the idea. That's 150 right yeah yeah yeah have you figured out how many minutes or hours of
Grey's Anatomy you've watched yet Laura got bummed out because I figured out that
whenever it was whenever it was she was sitting down and I was like you know we've watched 257
of these since quarantine 258 hours Grey's Anat crazy how many are you banging out a night i dude i can just
have it on it's one of those shows that like you don't watch it like uh you know pulp fiction or
something it's just like you have it on leave for two hours and then be like okay you listen for
five minutes and you know exactly what's happening right right right yeah we've watched a lot and now
it's kind of like proving something.
You know what I started?
Was that the teacher show or whatever?
Oh, I've heard about that.
Oh, I've heard about that.
Creepy shit, dude.
A teacher?
A teacher, yes.
Bangs a student?
Yeah, it is so buck.
That's the end of the pitch.
Yeah, that's...
Yeah.
He's been drinking that horny soda.
He was drinking that horny sobi. he's been drinking sobi eros which was a conversation we started pre-roll but we'll
work its way no please a callback a callback before the recording started we were talking
about that sobi horny mix eros yeah i never i don't know i don't know what you guys are talking
about really it you don't remember different sobis were supposed to have different qualities
they were like captain planet rings was this so be supposed to make everybody horny or
just boys well you said it like it was just boys i don't think women would have fallen for that
little boys first of all is it just supposed to be 12 the tea with a lizard on it was more marketed towards
boys than yeah girl yeah for sure for sure all right there were some gross sobies man some of
them were like that that like what the milky ones tasted gross they all look gross i never trusted
the white ones no way they look cloudy yeah i don't need that cloudy piss i don't need it ever
unless you're pouring it on my body, I don't really need it.
God damn it.
That's gross.
You cover it in Sobe?
That's awful.
Do you like knowing you bum people out? You just bum people out in four different cities,
one of them in a different country.
It's powerful.
I'm just going to go get,
hey, Laura, would you pour this Sobe on my body?
I think we should baptize the baby in Sobe.
That actually happened to Ryan Sheckler.
That's why he's so radical.
Andy McDonald used to skate for Sobe and everybody gave him shit about it.
And it's like he was just counting stacks.
It's like Red Bull.
They sponsor people now.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Yeah.
Get paid. I'd skate for Sobe.. It's like Red Bull. They sponsor people now. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Get paid.
I'd skate for soap.
I do comedy for Red Bull, dude.
I wear a Red Bull leather vest and I go up on stage and I tell my jokes.
That's not real.
Yeah, that's real.
This is too early for you to be making jokes like that.
You like you.
You.
I haven't done stand up since we've started dating and since we've really known each other.
I do.
I go up.
I wear a Red Bull leather vest and I do stand up everybody calls him red bull kind of like red fox but it's
red bull he also wears one of those helmet cans yeah and he has a squirrel suit on
if i start bombing i just have him turn on like a heavy duty fan and then just and then i'm gone they land like superheroes i guess they land like with one fist on the ground when they're
like when they're done flying if you catch the still shot men in squirrel suits what happened
regular flying squirrels oh yeah oh they land with like a fist on the ground it's pretty adorable
yo we got a pumpkin in my backyard or a squirrel in my backyard and he started eating one of the pumpkins that's been on the front porch.
Oh, yeah.
That's a common problem.
It's a big day for that squirrel, I feel like.
Yeah.
You're going to kill him?
No.
I love that squirrel.
Is that what you would do?
No.
My buddy, there were rabbits eating his eating his backyard basically and he got a
slingshot and i told him i was like no no i go i go you are gonna feel like shit if you hit one of
these and he hit one didn't die and he like was almost crying and he's like i don't know what i
was thinking i was like you're mad about your garden you own the house i get it but that's
like how you know if a kid is a sociopath. Yeah, that's what they say.
If he's like slingshotting bunnies in the backyard, that's horrible.
No way.
What kind of slingshot?
Dennis the Menace or Rick's Rocket?
Just to clarify.
I don't know.
Did he buy a slingshot or did he have one?
Gosh, these are questions.
He's going to be bummed probably that I said it's why I didn't say his name.
So I'm sure he'll hit me up and then I'll be like, did you buy it?
So I can air you out on the next episode as well shane did shane torres
shane couldn't operate a slingshot way too way too up there you just hand it to him and he'd be
like so i just throw this at the bunny then he'd be getting chased around by a bunny with a slingshot
dude i was texting shane the other night because it took me three days to watch southpaw because it's so sad oh damn dude and that's a total shane ass movie
yeah so every time i was like that boxing movie yeah i was like had to shut off southpaw again
dude yeah that shit does not let up dude it is so sad and i've been since laura was like on
quarantine from me i've just been sitting here watching movies for four days it's pretty rad
actually what have you watched uh i just started watching gladiator last night i watched i watched
a few of the mandalorians husband to a murdered wife yeah yeah father to a murdered son yeah and
i will have my vengeance in this life or the next what are you guys talking about uncle book gladiator
bro no we're talking about what i said to the neighbor man right when i moved in i said that to the neighbor just went over there
i told that to the squirrel and just kept eating that pumpkin dude
but that squirrel squirrel sweatshirt that's what i'm going to call him i think
that's a good name that's a very good name uh did any of the movies sean
have gary oldman nicole kidman or natalie portman in them yeah oh nice okay so we'll probably talk
about that in a little bit i can just check my show time to see yeah you can you get
all you're gonna see is like sean watch the wood again yeah
sean watch baps even though they had baps baps too somehow
sean uh how are you sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar mel jordan on instagram i'm all good man
i'm in yeah yeah just chilling i'm surrounded by all my shoes i went shredding today i'm in a good
ass frippin mood is how i'm doing sweaty furlong dude shreddy furlong there it is shreddy yeah
shreddy yeah shreddy vetter shred savage that one's dank actually that's really good because
it's got savage in it yeah shred savage if fred savage was cooler shred savage would be such an
awesome nickname it would be perfect cooler fred savage would be a cooler wait is fred savage not
cool i think he's pretty cool. I think he seems cool.
He's become an established television director.
Yeah, didn't he do a lot of Always Sunny?
No, is that not?
I don't remember.
He's the voice in like Acura commercials or something.
He's cool.
He's doing good.
He's not the kind of cool that makes the nickname Shred Savage cool.
I get that.
I get that.
Shreddy Venter's pretty cool.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I get that. I get that.
I get that.
Shreddy Venter's pretty cool, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Axl Rose is like the kind of cool
that would make Shred Savage cooler.
I get, I know exactly what you're saying.
Is Ben Savage cool?
No.
No, but the name Ben Savage is cool
because it's like Ben Trill.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm Ben Savage.
I'm Ben Savage.
You got some dank names.
Boy meets the four five.
Oh, that's right. savage you have some dank names boy meets the four five are you are you recovered from your drives yeah are you back to skateboarding like a g
yeah it took a while dude if i don't i realize i need to do it at least every other day or i
every 39 like every day of my 39 years shows if i don't do it a lot yeah i was like embarrassed
the other day but yeah it's all good i went out with the big dog today okayed a little bit
beautiful yeah man shout out to all of them cool guy jokes 87 on instagram hey she is silent on
twitter david boreas hey you know how are you doing buddy just poking around the internet all
weird up you know what on the silk road it's going good
yeah did you go to the boob site at all they shut it down actually do you know about the boob site
i don't oh good let's get this earlier in the episode for anyone who hasn't heard about it
either sean explain the whole boob site thing so i was internet was brand new and we didn't
have a computer this is like our first computer
in the house and i didn't know websites or anything and i don't even think i could search
so i was just like i wonder what i could so i just typed in the www.theboobsite.com
all it was it's exactly what you think it was just pictures of breasts neck to belly button
nothing else almost more medical than anything yeah seriously did it do
anything for you nothing but i was like this is crazy that i can just look at this because this
is before porn that you like it was this or like playboy so one night i came downstairs and my
stepdad was down there with his cousin she was visiting or something they're like you've been
on the internet lately and her kids were down there too they're like you've been on the internet
lately and they were snickering and i was like why and they turned the computer around and it was just the
boob site up huge and i was like cool and i just like stormed upstairs why do you want to embarrass
me like that you know that it was me obviously i was the teenager i like boobs. I have questions about them that none of you can answer.
Who else could it be?
Sorry I didn't go to Vietnam or whatever.
This is, you know, that's all we got.
I don't Google whatever Vietnam stuff you Google.
I don't.
Was this even Google era?
Is that like you don't navigate?
I think it was like ask Jeves and i i don't know i'm not googling what movies did martin sheen make in the late
70s all right sorry yeah i never got that like would you just want to stick it to your 13 year
old real quick you feel good that like this get you through the day i mean i think it was probably
really hilarious i'm sure it was. And I can't wait.
I'll do it, too.
But yeah, it's like that's very, very because you didn't get like grounded.
You didn't get in trouble. Right.
They just blew up your spot.
Yeah, they just they just aired me out.
And I was like, yeah, I got it.
I know you stormed upstairs.
That's hilarious.
Way upstairs.
And another thing the boomers get that we won't get to have.
They're unique to that joy because like they were better at the Internet than the kidsers get that we won't get to have they they're unique to that
joy because like they were better at the internet than the kids but that's gone now kids are always
going to be better at the internet from here until the turn they'll be looking at porn in ways we
have no idea how to track you know what i mean yeah if we have kids like probably the boob site
dot org yeah it's boob site dot biz dot tv dot gov oculus boobs you know it's gonna be that kind of thing
i know how to get there
i didn't even know there was a there to get to that just
mind blown there's three we're not supposed to know there's three-dimensional pornography i don't
i don't want to be in that room no you could you if there's three-dimensional pornography
you should just meet a human being at that point yeah that's what i would worry and i don't want to
three yeah i don't want to be in there what am i standing next to a grip just
just over by the snack table like just a makeup a makeup person on their phone
you're just telling strangers like yeah it's look pretty sexy huh it looks pretty sexy over there
all right very sad bowl of doritos do you think they have nacho flavored snacks on this pornography
no you can't you can't get that color on the skin.
You don't want that color.
That's what I was thinking.
Unless that's a new tab.
Oh, yeah.
Dorito dust.
You got to pay extra for that.
Yeah, no.
That's a new tab.
I get it.
I get it.
Like amateur, I get it.
I didn't get it at first.
I get it.
All right.
All caught up?
Yeah, I'm letting you guys
know i got it there's nothing i'm not doing anything don't even i'm not doing anything
i need to send a very discreet shout out to sean's boy in san francisco whose name i will not say
for the favor he hooked me up with which i will not mention but i owe you one and i'm very grateful
thank you yeah good on you.
Very grateful.
He was pumped.
It had nothing to do, for the listeners, with Bolivia.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Wait, did you get one of those booboculus riffs?
Oh, if I did, if I did,
it definitely didn't come preloaded with a zip drive from Bolivia.
With that new Cool Ranch Dorito.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Those ones are for cycles.
When you get so deep, you're just in it, you know?
You're in it.
Ian's like, Ian's deep cover man he doesn't
even know what's real and sexual for me anymore we'll be completely honest no somebody somebody
hooked me up with some kicks and i just can't get into any more details than that but i really
appreciate it i really really appreciate it uh dana schwartz is here at dana the way dana is
spelled and then schwartz with four Z's three Z's keep it symmetrical
Dana Schwartz of course host of the Noble Blood podcast
one of the only other podcasts that's what I hear that's what they say
the only other one so one of the only other podcast author of several books
television writer extraordinaire owner of a cat
who every day is learning more and more about the
u.s presidents yeah you've been doing an excellent job teaching him one by one about the u.s
presidents dana came over and over what are you giving him okay i'll explain i'm unpacking it
all right i just had to put the box on the table let me hear the tone did you hear the tone
that's the chain i did you sounded yeah yeah urgent yeah urgent and turgid uh
dana stayed over thanksgiving cooked it we cooked an amazing dinner you cooked most of the dinner
thank you it was really delicious uh broad looked dope beetlejuice her cat how do you spell it
i spelled like the movie the easy way the phonetic way with a j i'm not getting in with this he's not
named after a star. How pretentious
would that be if I was like, here's my cat Beetlejuice
named, it's spelled like the star.
I didn't even know it was a star.
I just knew they spelled it with a G sometimes.
Beetlejuice.
Sounds like a Portuguese sausage.
He's a little Portuguese sausage.
He's a very fluffy sausage.
I would just walk in rooms and say, Beetlejuice, it's time to learn about Calvin Coolidge.
And then pretend like I was fathering the cat.
That's hilarious.
Call me when you get to Taft.
I have some notes.
Some big notes.
Anyway, I introduced Dana and then proceeded to talk myself for 30 seconds like a good comedian boyfriend.
Dana, how are you doing?
Is that our relationship?
Are we there yet? I'm the comedian boyfriend yeah that's right i'm i'm fine it was a pretty pretty low-key day i'm excited to be here
excellent excellent this is fun because now i've met all of you in person at some point
not on zoom after the first time i hadn't and now I have. And this is very fun.
I feel like I know you as people.
It was a blast.
It's way funner.
It's way more fun.
Dana, last time you were here, you were wrong about Shrek?
No.
Are you hoping to repeat some of your similar mistakes?
I think the historical record is going to prove that I'm right about Shrek.
But I also want to say to everyone, and Ian, I'm going to put you on the spot right now.
Yeah.
Made you watch Iron Giant.
How do you feel?
yeah Iron Giant great movie
I had never seen the Iron Giant I absolutely
loved it it was great Vin Diesel turns in the
performance of a year
is he the Iron Giant?
he is the Iron Giant
he's the titular Iron Giant
whoa really?
I had no idea
Vincent Diesel he plays Ron Giant
in the movie I, Ron Giant.
I, Ron Giant.
That's what it is, right? I, Ron Giant.
Uh-huh.
And he's like, the government's mad at me.
How come?
Yeah, I loved it. I may have
dozed off partway through.
No, I didn't. I just joke. I was for the Ron Giant joke. I loved it. It was greatzed off part way through and i didn't i i just joke i was for
the wrong giant joke i loved it it was great 90 minutes clean tight any real giant nose
and then you know other you have a better vincent diesel than i thought vincenzo diesel
yeah i've seen it a lot i've spent a lot of time you never had me you never had your tank you know yeah exactly yeah david's way better
it's not your uh prince philip impression but it's not bad yo hit me with that pp
this is for uh crown uh viewers of the crown let me see let me see
put me on the spot yeah that's right right your time. Why'd you take your pants off?
I need to.
I need to.
I need to.
I need to.
All right.
I'm putting on,
I'm turning on britches.
Britches.
What should I say?
What would they have us do?
What would they have us do?
Wow.
Philip.
What are you planning to do with this?
I don't know why that's all I can say.
What does she expect us to do bend over backwards for her
just because she came to Balmoral?
You lost it a little, you did too much on Balmoral.
Yeah.
What is, the key to doing Prince Philip
is to move your mouth as little as possible that
you nailed it nailed it the royals never move their mouths they can't be seen especially
the less you move your mouth it shows the closer you are to being the next in line
it's a sign of power like that's true i read that'd be so sick if they just had some goofy
shit and that's how they figured it out they do i if they just had some goofy shit and that's how
they figured it out they do i mean watching the crown you're like oh it's all goofy shit
yeah every time i get to the front of the line it's like i've never been to burger king before
which is ironic i suppose i'll take a bk big fish and some chicken fries. Not me, man. Four spicy chickens on the hop.
And then I just throw money at them and I crip walk backwards.
Do it with your mouth guard mask.
Yeah, dude.
I'm going to wear that thing.
I'm going to wear that thing in the right neighborhoods and I'll be just fine.
Dana Schwartz, is there anything you would like to direct people towards that you're working on or anything people can?
You also write a weekly column for, is it Bustle? It's B it's bustle yeah you can find that on on my twitter i tweet that out i think
the big one is if you like yeah history listen to uh noble blood noble blood a podcast where i talk
about history i that's how you're gonna sell it yeah i did do i need to do more it's kind of a
soft sell i mean we've got like a lot of eager AFE fans here
who definitely, you know,
want to listen to other podcasts.
Ours is the only one they know about so far.
It's just I would maybe bring a little more fire
to the pitch.
How would you describe it?
How would I describe it?
It's not about me.
You heard me describe All Fantasy Everything.
All Fantasy Everything is a delightful romp
through the imaginations and friendship
of three stand-up comedians
in their 30s
and whichever guest
they happen to bring along
that episode.
Produced as always
by super producer Marissa,
they cascade through
a variety of titillating subjects
from food to movies
to music
to everything else
in the world of pop culture.
The podcast is hosted handsomely by Ian Carmel.
But he lifted that directly from our Jewish Journal review.
Don't get me saying, he took that, he took that.
All right, I will say Noble Blood.
Noble Blood is the fully scripted history podcast
in which a stunningly beautiful comedian's girlfriend,
Dana Schwartz, spends two weeks researching an interesting story
about a historical royal and then relays it to you
in a way that the common layperson can just appreciate
as an interesting story.
But then also, you know, feel smart to tell your friends
historical fun facts and stuff.
That's the move.
Yes, there it is.
Someone like me prey on the weakness of ignorance
where you're just like, I would love to be able to drop
some facts like a dinner party.
I don't know about ignorance.
I don't know if I should drop this, but you did beat both me and Ian at Trivial Pursuit.
Oh, okay.
All right.
I mean, I don't know if that happened.
I can't imagine.
I thought you were going to mention one of the three times I beat you at Bananagrams.
You weren't going to bring that up?
No, I was not.
No, that wasn't fair.
No, that was...
They're still counting the electorates.
They're still counting.
They're still figuring it out.
Yeah.
Fucking Nevada's taking forever.
Yeah, Nevada.
It's Alaska, I think, also.
Definitely, I have Alaska in the bag.
When aren't they, you know?
Sean was between 10 and 12 shoots to the wind and fucking beat both of us.
Dead sober.
In Trivial Pursuit, hard.
I think you guys were just trying to get to bed.
No, Dana was.
I was very sleepy.
Just breaking down game film.
Dana was trying to get out of the game.
You and me stayed up watching skateboarding
and music videos for another hour after you beat me.
Exactly like what I would have us be doing.
Now, the person who beat
Trivial Pursuit fair and square, unlike Dana,
who just had to go to bed, was Ian Carmel.
Ian Carmel on Twitter, Ian Carmel on
Instagram, Ian Carmel
on Jewish Goldbelly app,
which I almost used to get us Russ and Daughters
for Hanukkah, but it would have been too much
and now we know there's going to be so much food coming
and it would have been very silly to do that,
but I'm going to do it. Oh,
that would have been very thoughtful.
Well,
you get full credit now.
Just saying it.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I have the tab open on my computer right next to,
uh,
uh,
the,
the,
the,
the boob site.
Uh,
what I listen to all fantasy,
everything.
Watch the late,
late show with,
uh,
James Corden,
where I,
where I chime in during the monologue, uh, and, uh, with, with various witticisms. listen to all fantasy everything watch the late late show with uh james corden where i where i
chime in during the monologue uh and uh with with various witticisms oh my god do you know what i
just saw i don't mean to astonish anyone but i'm astonishing myself tobias mezzi is the actor who
plays prince philip follows me on twitter what is very exciting to me that's fun you gotta get
him that impression i know you have a shitload of Twitter followers, don't you?
Isn't it like 250,000? That's
too many. No. What's up there?
Like 180.
What? That's a grip either way.
You're talking 15, 20k
over here.
It's only the one that matters
and right now the one that matters
is the actor playing Prince Philip.
Oh man, I almost won a Zoolander.
We gotta get this impression to him.
He'll love it.
I've been enjoying your observations.
Nope, it's gone. I lost it. I don't know what happened.
You started to sound like the guy from
the lollipop commercial.
What would the hippies do?
I've been enjoying your tweets.
Tweets is a very hard word to say like that.
Tweets.
Tweets.
I've been enjoying your tweets about literary figures.
It's gone.
It's gone.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Which one?
Which is the impression that I absolutely nail when I try it?
It was my RZA.
I've been enjoying
your tweets about the Royals.
That was pretty good.
I've been enjoying your tweets about the Royals.
It's so funny. What's that impression
that I nail every time?
Is there a way to introduce your
impression?
It's the RZA.
Did you just say the wizard
he's got a bit of a speech impassion he has a soft r hanging r's riz has got him dude
absolutely are you too good for otto otto's my lotto man see this whole grill on the house i hate it
that doesn't mean it's not good it does
i was i was being serious when i said i nail it but uh yeah i do i got a pretty solid risa
now we are gathering here today not only to hear sean jordan nailing a risa impression but also
to draft uh to draft movies this is almost a hark harkens back to the very
first episode of all fantasy everything we did back in 2016 uh which is we drafted the movie
airheads where we drafted the careers of brendan frazier uh adam sandler and steve bush bush amy
bush amy now this is one we've been kicking around the old noggin for quite a while
because all of these actors' last names end in man.
So today we are drafting the movies of the old man, the port man, and the kid man.
Gary Oldman, Natalie Portman, and Nicole Kidman.
Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicky game of rock, paper, scissors.
Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. through a rollicky game of rock, paper, scissors. Let's play between the three of you
and we throw on shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
What is it, Dana?
I can't see it.
Oh, Sean wins.
Fuck yeah, bro.
No.
Sean loses.
No, because we both did odd one out.
Odd one out.
Got it.
Yeah.
Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
Cutting it up.
Seance Jordan wins.
Now, Sean, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors,
it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft.
But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft.
And what is that?
Great question.
It is a great question, David.
It's great every time.
And what I'll say, Dana, you like Scrabble.
Yeah, Dana, yeah.
Let's say you make a word, you go left to right,
and then you take the last letter of that word and you make a word, you go left to right, and then you take the last letter
of that word, and you make a word going
down. So now you're kind of on the right
side of the board. You need to get back
over to the left side, so what you're going to do is you're going to take the last
letter of the word you just made going
down, and then you're going to make a word from left
to right, but that will actually bring you
back over to the left side of the Scrabble
board. Sean, I'm just going to say there had to have been an
easier way to explain what a serpentine
trap is.
There wasn't.
You can't just simply say it's like a snake.
David just doesn't get these for some reason.
I don't get them.
It's me.
So then you take the first letter of that new word that you've made.
Now you've made three words.
And then you make another word going down.
So now it's sort of like a question mark that you have made.
Yeah, I can see it.
Yeah, you want to get back over to the right side of the board so you take the last letter of the fourth
word and you make another word going left to right which ultimately brings you to the right
side of the board and then you just kind of rinse repeat until you're all out of letters and i win
by like a point probably i think when we play yeah but i've also asked you how to spell a couple
words and you told me as a favor to our new and budding friendship.
So it's a hollow victory.
The real victory was friendship and getting to know one another.
Spot on, sister.
You nailed it.
I'm not certain that's a great description.
I think it might be bad.
Well, I don't know if I'm really certain that I'm thrilled about your tone.
Am I?
Basically, what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round,
you pick first in the second round.
Now, Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be, my friend?
Dana, you can go first.
Thank you so much. That's so generous.
And then I'll be going,
and then David, and then Ian.
Hot corner!
Now, Dana, before you draft, none of these actors
were in Shrek, so if you were looking to make
it up i'm sorry yeah we'll have to figure that out next can i just dive right in uh no but we
will get to your first pick absolutely we will dive right in after uh some brief stretching
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Yeah, and we're back.
Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything,
the only podcast to ever exist,
except, of course, for Noble Blood and Hysteria and then any other podcast that Dana Schwartz
ends up working on at any point.
Thank you so much.
But it was All Fantasy Everything first,
and I think we started in the early 19th.
I'm just following in your size 13 shoes.
Oh, you know, the off top, right off the dome. Right off the dome, I know your size 13 shoes. Oh, you know the off top?
Right off the dome.
Right off the dome, I know your shoe size.
Oh, thank you, baby.
Now, Dana Schwartz, you were selected to go first,
and that means you have the first pick.
And the old man, the port man, and the kid man,
all fantasy, everything draft, what will that pick be?
You know what?
Maybe an unexpected pick.
It's a Kidman picture,
and it's a little film
I like to call Paddington.
Ah, damn it!
I just watched it off of
the recommendation of the two of you.
It is so good.
It's just a perfect movie.
It makes me cry. He's just a bear
who's kind and polite and wants a home
and I love it and
that's my first draft pick absolutely it's
you know what old are you guys watching fargo i dropped off you dropped off paddington is the
rabbi so the guy in fargo there's a bear paddington paddington's voice is the oh ben wishaw yeah yeah
that's wild i did not i didn't know that that's pretty buck ben wishaw and uh paddington and hugh
grant are also lovers in a very english scandal and that's a fun a fun universe combining oh i
didn't know that was a movie i thought that was just a thing that happened very english scandal
very english scandal yeah paddington was adorable and it's such a fun watch the dad in paddington is so
funny he's just so huffy and puppy daddington daddington is the second one as good i've heard
that it's really great the second one is better in my opinion it's honestly like maybe one of the
best sequels where it like takes what you like about the first one and just does it perfectly
and like adds more i think uh we're gonna to run Paddington to this very evening.
So gift,
you absolutely should.
You have to let us know what you think.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Oh my God.
And please report back if you cry,
because I think it's impossible not to cry at the end.
You're going to get,
you're going to,
you're going to start being let down by the times that I cry.
They carry a lot of gravity when we first get to know each other.
But after a while you'd be like,
oh,
he just cries. Yeah. All the time. That time that's that's that's only a shot note
no one else feels that way well paddington 2 is a very deserving cry okay then i'll cry i'll i'll
tell you right now noted author daniel schwartz and i uh double featured him on the night before
thanksgiving yeah just because they're the coziest movies of all time. Watch one, and then immediately watch the second one.
Drink about nine glasses of tea.
An instant, brand new Thanksgiving tradition.
That's beautiful.
David, have you seen Paddington?
I haven't seen it yet.
I got a few that I'm saving.
That post-week, post-Christmas to New Year's
is really where I try to get in.
Like, that's when you need as much good cheer as possible.
So I got a few that I'm cramming in.
Yeah.
Nicole Kidman plays the villain in the first movie.
Yeah.
I like her as a villain.
She plays a taxidermist.
Paddington is like a great actor showcase because every actor is like,
as long as their game gets to
like really have fun like it's just like a who's who of British character actors and I think that
it's nice to see Nicole Kidman have fun she's yeah she's great in it she her Hugh Grant and
the second one also goes incredibly hard and just like they you can give big performances you don't
need to be restrained oh my god if you're actor, I can't imagine anything more fun than being a Paddington villain.
I'm going to name some of the actors from the original Paddington movie, and we have to decide which one is the most British.
Okay?
Their names?
Their British names?
Okay.
The actors' names.
Okay.
Open it up.
Open it up.
Ben Wishaw.
Hugh Bonneville.
That's my pick.
That's my pick.
I'm only going with the ones that sound very British.
I'm not going to say all of them.
Imelda Staunton.
Damn.
That's a British name.
Yeah, that's pretty big.
Simon Farnaby.
There it is.
That's fucking crazy.
Farnaby.
Farnaby.
And Madeline Worrell. I think Simon Farnaby and Madeline Worau
I think Simon Farnaby
this is back in Paddington
too but Hugh Grant's real
middle name is Mungo
his name is Hugh Mungo Grant
you can just name people that
his name's Hugh Mungo
how is that true
I swear to god it's like short short for
humongo no it's like a family name like his name is humongo
i it's hugh john mungo grant but it's humongo grant oh my god that's wild that's the best
it's like his mom's maiden name or something yeah like
man if i'm yeah they threw a mungo in there i feel like that that fact should be more places
like for sure i'm trying that's for sure of course it should be more places like when i
found out his birth name was keith sweat sweat it is yeah his mother's name is juanita sweat oh god damn my god yeah wow i didn't know
that holy yeah you thought it was sweat because of sex this day just keeps shining i had no idea
pattington it's a great pick because there are well i'll get to this point later uh but yeah
great pick pattington first off the board.
Sean, time for your first pick.
Well, since we just watched it, I'm going with The Old Man on this one.
And I'm ticking True Romance.
It's a good pick.
I mean, probably once a year, I'll watch that.
We watched it together, and it is unbelievably, that movie's so good.
And Gary Oldman shines in that movie he wildly different than anything that i've ever seen him do and it's like i didn't find out
that was him until years after i saw it it's astonishing the old man has been in some amazing
movies he's had some like really he plays some weird fucking characters he's like all over the
board he's got some range too that's how you're like that dude must be a fucking brilliant actor
because yeah he's like a classic character actor like give him a weird character and he'll nail it
yeah he's like a mega character actor yeah like like a white dreadlock pimp named drexel
from the suburbs or the inner city of Detroit
who only wears a silk bathrobe when he's at his house with a ton of other people in his house.
I mean, that's a flex. That's a big flex.
You know, I've never had a robe. You guys, y'all got robes?
I'm a big robe person. I have a silk robe. And if I, if I, if I had more time to prepare,
I would have been wearing it right now.
Hell yeah.
Rarely do you hear somebody say, if I had more time to prepare, I'd be wearing my robe.
I was sort of rushed.
I didn't think about it.
If I had realized that we had all met in person and we were friends, we were at the silk robe
state of our relationship, I was caught off guard.
Also, it surprises me that you never had a robe because you were such a big bath guy.
Yeah, Sean, you should have had a robe by now.
Yeah. Well, here's a weird thing. Oh, another weird thing. robe because you were such a big bath guy yeah sean you should have had a robe by now yeah well
here's a weird thing oh another weird thing i used to not dry off did i ever tell you guys that
what did you like shake like a dog i would just get out and i would just put my shit on i did not
use towels or anything and i just remembered this the other day and then one day my aunt
my aunt hugged me and she's like why are you so wet and i was like
i don't and then she deduced that i did not dry myself off because and she's like you need to dry
yourself how did she ever think of that i was proper old like oh i you know 12 probably and
i'm just not drying myself look at ian's face i don't even know what to do with that that's it's like this crazy
story that you thought couldn't get any weirder right yeah and then yeah but the bath thing went
even harder you never dry off no i didn't dry off i would i would dry i would put my clothes on
and that's not drying off john that's just getting your clothes wet so you would just be damp at
first period when my mind they were like drying that's what in my mind i was like this is drying
and they'll dry off eventually what did you think people had towels in the bathroom for
well it might have been like a like a maybe i was trying to be quicker or something i don't
i can't rationalize you. You know what? I'm not taking a bath.
You live in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, where it's like real cold.
It's so cold.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mad cold.
Yeah.
And I used to go to like basketball.
I think about this.
It's not too late.
To start drying off? You can get a robe now.
Yeah.
You know, I will.
And you can start drying off. I'll get a robe. Eventually, I'll have one. I'll have a robe now. Yeah. You know, I will. And you can start drying off.
I'll get a robe.
Eventually, I'll have one.
I'll have a robe.
You didn't dry off.
That's so wild.
Yeah.
I forgot about that.
So you'd go on the bus and you would just be soaking wet?
I didn't start taking the bus until after that,
until, I don't know, seventh grade or something.
So I barely missed the window.
Wow. I also just want to say say the way you say deduce may like you the particular way you say it makes it sound like a sound effect
yeah i need to go downtown and pick up my deduce from the auto body shop sounds like
you're doing the phil collins drum phil deduce deduce deduce deduce yeah yeah true romance it's a great movie now dana we've
all we've talked extensively about true romance on this podcast you had never seen it before i'd
never seen it you're a woman you're younger than us what did you think of it you having never seen
it before i really liked it i i it felt like a gap in my of it? You having never seen it before. I really liked it. I,
I,
it felt like a gap in my cinema knowledge that I hadn't seen it.
I'd sort of been meaning to see it.
I really liked it.
I thought there were a few like unnecessary,
like more than one unnecessary N word conversations that felt like
Tarantino.
Yeah.
And at that point I'm like,
you know what,
when you're doing Django Unchained,
like he needs to do it. Okay, fine. Quentin. But like, you know what, when you're doing Django Unchained, like, he needs to do it.
Okay, fine, Quentin, but like, this is about
white people in Detroit. You didn't
need to do this, Quentin.
He really loves it. Almost
like he has some feelings.
So yeah, with the exception of like one
or two scenes where I'm like, this
could have been cut and the movie would have been
have lost
nothing uh but no overall really good movie we all agree amazing soundtrack to that movie
it is hon zimmer man this is the first time i put that together he like scored it that's crazy
yeah and the old man does a lot with a little in that movie he's not in it for long but he's in it
for a good time yeah sean did you ever think about white dreadlocks was that ever in play
no it never
crossed your mind that wasn't like actual gangster enough for me like oh dog i thought about like
dookie braids like longer like oh dog braids like thicker braids dreadlocks were never gangster those
are like rasta stuff but i don't really like they're gangster if you think about like screw
face it like had dreadlocks but that's like mob gangster not like like crip gangster
didn't use a towel never thought of dreadlocks it's not adding up i don't know there's no math
for that dan if you had to guess what screw face was from or who screw face is what would you just
add it just i don't blue sky don't make me do this feels like i'm gonna offend someone and i
have absolutely no idea i doubt it use use it in a sentence use it in another sentence screw face
was a pretty good villain in that movie because it was revealed that he was he had a twin so it
made him a great villain so well that gave up a lot of the game now it's just guessing a movie
yeah oh yeah sorry oh shit yeah i i have
no boondock saints oh not too bad it's marked for death uh steven seagal it's a good guess though
if you would have got it right probably would have to break my computer i don't know what i
would have done just casually like oh marked for death uh true romance off the board david time for your first pick i'm picking the old man being
a weirdo again i'm picking the fifth element shit oh yeah because i had to get it quick he's so fun
i knew you were gonna take so weird and yeah i i was worried i was worried it was gonna go in the
first round i was i was really wanting that it did you were right i mean i did it i did it i did
it i figured it'd be you because you ride the hardest for that movie i fucking love that chris
tucker's best on-screen performance best thing he ever did he's really fun in that yeah yeah he's
the it's the funniest thing he ever did that's that's a bull i don't mean that i'm in the dark
on it a lot like i've seen it but i don't remember a ton of it so i that's something that's got to
get watched in the next like it's crazy
because it seems like you you would like it's wild to me when you're not like yo i watch that
all the time you seem like you'd be a fifth element guy i love it it was one of the first
dvds that like my dad had yeah hell yeah ivan was into the fifth element game he loved it
he gary oldman plays a southern corporate space gangster named zorg
with like a with like a i don't what do you call that haircut face plate situation i don't even
know what that is he's got like a plastic plate that goes over his forehead with like a sweepback
like proud boy haircut like a weird little goatee kind of right yeah he's got a little
patch what's a proud boy haircut i didn't know they had haircuts oh like real close on the sides and long like like oh yeah
sure sure yeah i mean i don't know how to describe it but it's great go watch it go watch the old man
kill it in the fifth element yeah another just like wild choice do you think the director
was like the director will probably come up again in this
movie by the way luke basson or in this draft do you think he was like yeah you're a you're
you're southern you're a southern space gangster i feel like he absolutely did not and and oldman
just threw it out and luke basson was like yes yes more yeah i feel like he just showed he just
showed up with that yeah the script could not have said in parentheses,
like, southern alien space gentleman.
No way.
Southern alien space gentleman, dude.
Everyone's just making the biggest choices in that movie,
and it's so good for it.
And then there's Bruce Willis in the middle making no choice.
No, he was really, it was really die-hearted out.
Yeah.
Just being Bruce Willis. Total Bruce Willis ass move oh well joseph gordon levitt has told a story about because
bruce willis is like notoriously like just kind of an asshole but not mean it i think people say
it's just like a dick and uh on the set of looper he walked up he hadn't said anything to joseph
gordon levitt yet and he walked up and he's like, yeah, you do look like me.
And then he just walked away.
Apparently, and this is an unofficial story.
Apparently, I've heard that on the set of Looper, Bruce Willis did not want to sit through any makeup to look at all like Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
So he did not meet him halfway.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt had to sit through all of the makeup
to look like Bruce Willis.
What a dick.
That's hilarious.
Instead of both going a little bit towards the middle.
They made his face so much bigger.
And every day I'd be like, can't they make Bruce's a little...
Can we both do something?
No, Bruce did not want to.
Be a bummer.
I'll buy that.
I'll buy that story completely.
I can't imagine being that way to
someone i would volunteer to probably do it all myself so joseph gordon levitt didn't have to do
anything he seems like a sweetie yeah i just can't imagine being that way but whatever speaking of
joseph gordon levitt john lithgow was on the late late show today the day we're recording this and
i think this is just a famous person thing to do but like he walked up to me and just like acted
like he knew me and we'll just say hey what's up man good to see you and did like an elbow bump
and like all that stuff have i told you my thing with famous people is that they all say good to
see you instead of nice to meet you they all do that i do it too but i did but in this case i
didn't even say hi john lithgow he came he walked out of his way and walked up to me
like we'd met before we've never met before are you sure i'm pretty sure did you tell him you
watched the crown no no i didn't it was you tell him you loved him in the manhattan project
no i didn't tell him that either i did i did compliment him on the latest season of uh
what's that old lawyer third rock from the sun third rock from the sun liff guy was in uh he was in a show what was that show perry mason he was good in perry mason
oh yeah he was oh yeah he wasn't perry mason but no i we didn't really talk for long he went about
his marriage after that but like yeah just walked up to me heat seeking missile awesome the elbow
bump reminded me i was skating today and this kid, this real little kid, he was probably eight, did a really cool trick for a kid.
And this girl was there.
She was probably 20 skating and she had a mask on and everything.
And she went up to the kid.
She's like, that was awesome.
Give me give me an elbow bump.
And he goes, no, I don't want to get sick.
And he just walked away.
It was and I started laughing.
I was like, he just dogged you so hard.
So hard. it was hilarious
no i don't want to get sick and they just yo i've been having to yell at people oh about this mask
thing out for walks yeah i just yeah i just get out of the way but sometimes there's no getting
out of the way they're like there's like you're on the sidewalk and there's a busy road, you know?
And it's like, hey, put a mask on.
People go jogging and you're like, I mean, you're doing the heavy breathing now.
What are you doing?
Anyway, it's neither here nor there.
It's also yelling at someone for them, which is like a new experience, you know?
Yeah.
For your own good.
It's practice for being a parent.
Yeah, right.
Get that out of your nose. Don't it put that over your mouth the fifth element is great it's a fan it's a
fantastic element that's what we're talking about uh time for my first and second picks as tis
uh with my first i have to i have to take these two off the board with my first pick i'm going
to take okay an old an old man uh-huh and i'm taking the dark knight yeah all right had to
come off the board all right yeah come off had to come off the board one of the one of the greatest
superhero i don't even like superhero movies that much although i'm starting to enjoy them more and
more i watched a few of the marvel ones but in my opinion one of the greatest if not
the greatest superhero movie of all time oh yeah he plays commissioner gordon in it he's great as
commissioner gordon yeah he nails it he's like he walked right out of like a like a pulpy gothic like
batman comic book looks good in a mustache second only to ian carmel thank you very much there you
go i forgot he is going hard on that mustache yeah he's got a big fucking broom
like a big like broom handle mustache yeah and then when he has to like fake his death in the
movie and like put his family through that that's like that's a it's like a real fucking gut
wrencher he's like oh man to have to know that you your wife for a while will think that you're dead
yeah and to have to do that to someone that you love would just be terrible and he's gary oldman so you know he fooled him yeah yeah i mean he's the old man
he's great he's a great actor he is he's just the perfect again you go from like drexel to
commissioner gordon so different and then he's just so good at it both both so good i love me
some old man yeah i love the old man.
Yeah, that's the Heath Ledger one, of course,
where he plays the Joker.
You know, like Sean's, Sean's, Sean, come on.
We know what it is.
Sean's favorite.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Dana, you know, this is a, it's not framed or anything.
This here is a Dark Knight poster, you see.
And he's saying, why?
Why so serious?
Get that framed.
A baby's room.
Well, I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to thumbtack it above Laura and I's bed.
Surprise her with it some night.
Be like, look up.
Make sure it's not the first time it's been thumbtacked.
It should have a bunch of holes in every corner.
Well, I ripped from that time I had to move hastily.
I don't want to say why, but I had to get out.
So it was rip.
And then I'm going to thumbtack it to the ceiling
and I'm going to be like, hey, Lord, check it out.
I put a mirror on the ceiling. And then, you know,
the joke will be, I'm the Joker.
Oh, yeah.
I'm the Joker.
That's so twisted.
That's so twisted. You're so twisted, Sean.
That's why I won't, uh, no prenup.
You know, i put my foot
down because i don't want any surprises like that so that's right it's just great gary oldman is
great in it he's he's the perfect commissioner gordon he's like the he's commissioner gordon
to the extent that now like there's a few guys who were so good in those like supporting superhero roles uh jk simmons as uh j jonah
jameson j jonah jameson god he didn't he looked like the cartoon nailed or the comic books nailed
it and michael cain is alfred and like now it's going to be hard to accept anyone else in any of
those roles well one of these days they're just going to stop making Batman movies and I won't have to. Nope, that's not going to happen. Yeah, right.
That's a fun thing to say.
The thing is, in the comics,
it's kind of amazing,
and this is now,
did you know you're dating a geek girl?
In the comics...
Fake geek girl!
There's so many Batman storylines
that they haven't even gotten to yet.
You know what I mean?
They keep doing the same one over
and over. And so it's like
they're not going to end because they have
so many left to do.
If you could just find Lao, then they could just move
on to a different movie. Where's Lao?
Oh, both ears, dude.
We both came in on it.
I'm not wearing
hockey pants.
Pray to me
Yeah man
Bunch of Batman up in here
The Dark Knight is my first pick
And my second pick
I'm staying with the old man
And another one of his iconic characters
A character by the name of Sirius Black
From the motion picture
Harry Potter and the Prison prisoner of azkaban yeah yeah are you are you mad at him he just took that one
just to make just to hurt me i think what are you talking about why would i take it just to
hurt you i love that you don't even like harry potter love love it's like it's like this would be on vh1 right now
between you this is you just got a little boozeyed
yeah i do this shit to david for days i took the smell of weed one time i don't even smoke weed i
don't even want to talk about i thought we were over i said don't bring it up anymore we're never
all right ian talk about how much you love harry pot the Prisoner of Azkaban it's the best Harry Potter movie directed by
Alfonso Cuaron
we all know that
yeah duh
David and I talk about this when you guys aren't even around
it introduced a visual language
to the universe
I had been waiting
to see what they were going to do with the Dementors
it's the best Harry Potter movie I had been waiting to see what they were going to do with the Dementors.
It's the best Harry Potter movie.
And he's great in it, playing Sirius Black,
a guy who we think is one thing and then turns out he's another.
I don't want to spoil it in case anyone hasn't seen The Prisoner of Azkaban.
In case anyone's... Ian, you feel like after you finish the Redwell books,
you're going to go to harry potter
no have you read have you ever read them i've never read the harry potter books it seems
pointless at this point oh yeah i god i always forget that now jk rowling is a shitty person
so it's like yeah now it's not even it's not even worth it it's not even about that for me
we got a wand right upstairs. A special Harry Potter wand.
Cool, huh?
Pretty rad, huh?
Big goals, huh?
Maybe you should use it to manifest yourself a towel
after the bath.
Expella dryness.
I take baths now still pretty regularly.
Watched?
I look and I'm like,
if I did not dry off after this motherfucker,
I'd look like a lunatic.
It's a crit.
Cause everywhere you go,
you just look mad sweaty.
You get water everywhere.
I would have thought it would have been a funnier story. If you like shook dry,
like a Labrador,
it just fucking shake it off.
Sure.
I give it a shot.
I don't think,
uh,
I don't think much of the
water's coming off though uh prisoner of azkaban it also has the rick man in it alan rickman yep
dana you're a huge harry potter fan do you want to talk about the prisoner of azkaban
no i don't see that no it's not all fun and games we're in a huge fight
one time uh we're drafting states and i picked is a fight? oh shit one time
we were drafting states
and I picked Hawaii
and Ian's like
you've never even
been to Hawaii
and then he got
all on my shit about it
is that true?
it's actually
I think it's a pretty good Ian
what is it?
do me now
do me
do me
you
no I can't
I don't
you're just too much
bass in your voice
do Dana
do Dana
do Dana
no don't
it's
gonna make me feel bad about myself okay do me do it then i all right um you've never even been to
hawaii perfect what i'll do i'll do i'll do ian again Oh, man.
What?
No, I can't do it.
That's not how you sound.
Ian, talk more about Prisoner Azkaban.
I'm afraid that's how I sound now.
I'm locked in my own head.
No, you sound like an angel.
You're a prisoner of Azkaban.
I'm a prisoner of Sean's impression.
Prisoner of Ian's caban.
I've heard someone, impossible to remember who,
compare your voice to a Jewish trumpet.
It was me.
I said it.
It was me.
I said it.
I don't know.
It's a very spooky.
It's a spooky Harry Potter movie.
I like that they go to Hogsmeade in it.
So it's also a little like it's wintry and kind of seasonal and everything.
Yep.
It's the second one?
The third one. The third one.
The third one.
I also, it's good that Voldemort's not in it.
It's a very self-contained story, which is fun.
Yeah.
I love that about it.
And I also love that it makes the world...
I mean, the visual language that Karan introduced was amazing.
But all of a sudden, it looked like a beautiful movie,
more so than
the first two my man is wiling right now but also
but uh i feel like he might be getting a text on the side
no not yet the twists and turns but there were also twists and turns like there were there were
reveals in it that i don't want to give away that made the world seem bigger.
And it introduced people from the past.
And it was like, you thought this person was one way.
They're actually another way kind of thing.
And again, not to do any spoilers or anything, but I really enjoyed that.
It has been a really long time.
I think you can spoil Prisoner of Azkaban.
Okay.
Well, they think Gary Oldman's character is a bad dude dude and he turns out not to be a bad dude at all he's a great dude right yeah great dude like the person who's been like tat he was a friend of
harry's parents and tasked to like watch over harry's godfather yeah and you find out like at
the at a crucial moment that was the harry potter movie i had to shut off because i couldn't quite
get through the britishness of it when I tried to watch it like 15 years ago.
I was like, I really don't know what they're saying right now.
And it's tough.
And I shut it off.
You just gotta get the subtitles, dog.
You know I don't read, David.
It's true.
You've said that.
It goes everywhere, all across the board.
I also feel like Azkaban is like the first one that doesn't feel like a kid's movie.
Like the first two feel like very literal.
And they're directed by Chris
Columbus.
He was like,
he did like Mrs.
Doubtfire and like kids movies.
So they were like,
okay,
we need a director who like knows how to work with kids.
Cause like these are nine year old or 10 year old children.
But then by Azkaban,
they're like,
no,
let's like make this a real movie.
And it deals with death in a big way and stuff.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Well,
then you think about the harry potter universe
they like they allude to this stuff but then at you're like at some point this is gonna have to
start murking people and it's gonna be real and these are gonna be people that we've known
through the show so yeah it's uh when it gets real you're just like oh shit this is not a kids
movie anymore it's not a game all right so i took my second pick the harry potter and the prisoner of razzmatazz uh david time for your next pick i'm going with the port man i'm taking
black swan oh great pack i love a movie about someone descending into madness and a confused
stabbing you know i've only seen it once and i i don't think i quite i don't think I gave it the credit that I should have,
because I don't think it had the impact on me that it should have.
I love that movie.
It's great.
Go back and watch it.
It's really, really...
They both kill it, too.
Mila Kunis kills it, too, man.
Does she like single white female Natalie Portman?
Natalie Portman thinks she is.
Yeah, because she's going nuts.
Gotcha.
And the fun fact is that the
portman met her husband on that movie he's like the male ballet dancer and he was also the
choreographer and like every like dance scene there's like one dude like doing like the lit
and like that they met on that movie and then they got married dancing when can really bring
people together it's very sexy like to hear it judging by this movie, you can tear them apart.
You can tear them right apart.
It has all the power.
That movie's a fucking psychodrama, man.
That thing is crazy.
I love the ending, too, where you're just like,
ah, man, this is very good and very intense.
If you want to feel something, go watch Black Swan tonight by yourself.
You know who else is good in that movie
winona rider yes a comeback winona yeah yeah i'm so happy for her like renaissance right now and
she's she's always ruled uh and then i think about too didn't she get busted for like stealing makeup
or something that's what we used to get mad at celebrities for that was like a big deal like
addicted to shoplifting i don't care who gives a shit yeah there was no judgment and i was just letting you know what happened
yeah i was addicted to shoplifting for quite some time too and really a lot of people think
me and winona rider similar in many ways and that's one of them i wear a free sean jordan
shirt sometimes yeah me too with purchase of a sean jordan of equal or lesser value is what the back says
i got him printed preemptively just like it's only a matter of time yeah that's rad
yeah man black swan there's no other kind of dancing you could do a black swan movie with
river dance there couldn't be like a yeah intense river dance movie i don't i
hate i hate to be that guy but they did rip the plot from break in two so i like your boogaloo
yeah it's pretty much the same exact movie i feel like there could be a really intense like ballroom
dance those people seem really intense they do they do for sure yeah but nobody involved in
ballroom dancing is sexy not in real life oh come on
man we're gonna get some heat for that you don't think there's a flamenco dancer out there
flamenco yes yes yes yeah like the the latin dances the latin does count i saw a picky pick
lindy hop once it was uh pretty cool i'm saying nobody nobody hot does lindy hop just based on my personal
experience you gotta watch like one or two episodes of dancing with the stars because
some of those dancers are pretty good that's the cream of the crop though
that's what we're talking about there's no but we're talking about the black swans
yeah we're talking about the black swans i'm basing this off some lindy hoppers i did improv classes with i bet those two go to hand in hand like it's like lindy hop class on monday
improv class on wednesday they seem like they're going hand in hand in between classes if you know
what i mean i get it any y'all ever been to the ballet no no no i haven't either i want it i saw
the nut i've seen the nutcracker does that count i guess the joffrey ballet growing up a few times
yeah yeah i've been to the ballet a few times growing up we would go to see uh the nutcracker
in chicago well fine that's awesome i've never been to any classy shit i never get to do anything
like that you you're allowed yeah i've never been to a play i don't think uh yeah didn't use towels
when i was a kid you know classy shit you gotta go to a play, I don't think. Yeah. Didn't use towels when I was a kid.
You know, classy shit.
You got to go to a play when this is over.
Yeah, I want to badly.
Or no, I did.
I went to Book of Mormon.
I went to Book of Mormon.
Somebody moves to the next pick.
I'm eating my dinner just because of how the time of this all worked out.
Wait, hold on.
I'll do it.
Sean Jordan. Time for your second pick.
Wait, David, you got it.
You got it.
You got it.
Yeah.
Sean Jordan, time for your second pick.
Oh, it's only my second pick. i would have fucked it up uh second pick i'm staying in the world of the port man and i'm picking garden state yeah gotta do it that feels like a sean
jordan pick yeah i knew you were gonna take it definitely is then i still i love that movie just
as much as i did like the first time i saw it I love that movie I think it's so good the soundtrack kicks ass he's like I've never been like a morose person but there I don't even know how to say this
it's like oddly romantic seeming when he's just so like depressed it's not it wouldn't be fun to
be depressed it's not fun to be depressed but when you watch it in a movie like that and you're like
looking at the character seems kind of fun.
Well, it seems fun because he has great wallpaper.
Yeah.
And he's like running around New Jersey hanging out with Method Man.
My depression has a lot more pizza.
Yeah, that depression would be my best life.
Yeah, that was not like he fell in love.
A depression that makes him irresistible to Natalie Portman.
Yeah.
What a great time.
So he, I guess, I listened to the Scrubs podcast a bunch and how he got her to be in that.
He was doing a play in New York and he was like in the dressing room where she had also,
she had done a play like a year earlier.
And this is the same dressing room.
And he wrote her like a handwritten letter explaining the movie and asking her to be
in it. And she said, yeah. And that's how he got her it didn't like go through
agents or anything i mean eventually what did how did the dressing room have anything to do with
that he left it in the dressing room for her to find oh he was that was his motivation he was just
like in the same dressing room that she had been in like a year before doing like a play in new
york and he just got the motivation to to actually write a letter and ask her.
How'd he get her address?
I don't know.
That's the real question, right?
No say, my friend.
You know, those powerful folks, they can get those addresses.
Was he powerful at that point?
He was.
I think so.
Scrubs?
Was this pre-scrubs, post-scrubs?
Scrubs making someone powerful.
Was it post-scrubs?
I thought it was pre-scrubs.
I think it was right in the middle, wasn't it?
I don't know. Mid-scrubs? It was a mid-scrubs flick? Mid-scrubs? I thought it was pre-scrubs. I think it was right in the middle, wasn't it? I don't know.
Mid-scrubs?
It was a mid-scrubs flick?
Mid-scrub.
It was mid-scrubs, but no towel afterward.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Garden State.
Yeah, Garden State.
I remember that right when we met, Sean, it was pretty soon after we met, and you said,
this band will change your life, and then you put your earbuds in my ear and it was great malenko by the insane clown great malenko
great malenko
it did i love the insane clown posse it's very hilarious interesting music dana now you know
that about me oh no oh yeah that was the response. I can't believe you showed me a Dark Knight poster,
paper poster that you have,
and now just tell me that you like the Inting Clown Posse.
Oh, it's not all starting to add up?
See, if I put it in a frame,
then I can't roll it back up,
and it takes up all the space.
So it's easier just to have it loose like this.
And then, you know, I pull it out.
Like, sometimes I'll tape it up when company's coming over,
and then I'll take it off the wall when they leave how old are you again just say your age for me
39 clips or 39 bullets in the clip of life out here if the poster is rolled up and it's both
literally and figuratively twisted another good hand no yeah david keep quarterbacking
i love oh you want me to keep quarterbacking?
I got two bell peppers
left. Go ahead.
What's that, about four and a half
minutes? Yeah, I was going to say that's a metaphor.
Dana, it's time for your second and third
pick, as it is a serpentine
draft. Alright, I'm staying
in the portman zone. Okay.
And taking V for Vendetta.
Damn it! Yeah, so sorry.
She's icy. Damn it!
Based on a graphic novel.
I read for the
first time the graphic novel this year. I had
read it maybe in high school, but it didn't
connect at all. Loved it.
Watched the movie. To me, it's
one of the best.
I'm super harsh on adaptations. I always think the book is better, but this like one of the best. I'm like super harsh on like adaptations.
I always think the book is better,
but like this is one case
where I really think they did the smartest thing
with the adaptation.
They streamlined it in a really good way
and make it just like a super effective movie.
It tugs at the heartstrings.
Great cast.
It works for me every time.
Like the end, it always hits me.
I always get chills.
I hate that like the masks
have been like i guess just become like a dumb thing for the worst people in the world but like
as a movie the wachowski sisters like wrote and i mean like shadow directed just like a really
effective movie about you know fascism and totalitarianism and anarchy it's a it's a fun flick yeah yeah oh yeah yeah
yeah i completely get out of the way dude there you go oh god oh god is it is kind of funny to me
that like the two symbols of like the worst dudes on the internet like the guy fox mask and like the
red pill idea are both things popularized by uh films of two trans women. For real. Isn't that how it goes?
Remember, remember the
5th of November.
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I can think of no
reason why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.
Right? Yeah.
Yeah, that felt like it.
Also, I had watched
it with some friends and we were talking
about it and like how lucky for natalie portman that she shaved her head and like also got to
discover that she's gorgeous with a shaved head yeah and like has a perfectly shaped skull and
just like looks amazing it is a good one really i mean lucked out really roll the dice do you think
they did some like magnetic imaging first you know what i mean to like find out like okay good you still look dang without you i think they actually brought in a phrenologist
i told you i'd work again
wasted degree what a brag for natalie portman to get to be like oh i only did this for the
movie but like secretly now she gets to show everyone how hot she is with a shaved head
yeah she should do it again you know what i mean i'd throw it in the repertoire for sure if i were her why wouldn't you yeah it takes a while to grow
back yeah yeah yeah it does uh yeah so number two pick v for vendetta very effective flick for me
and uh number three i'm going back to the kid man and I'm saying Moulin Rouge. Shit. You're taking on the Kidman.
That was on my list too.
It's a good movie.
Again, it hits me.
I like a movie that makes me cry.
Give me a good cry.
I think Ewan McGregor is great.
It's fun.
It's just like a frenzy of color and sound and music.
Whatever, Ian, whatever you said as the description of this,
but for Moulin Rouge.
We also do the Tango roxanne in this show uh i've never seen moulin rouge she is a uh lady of the night am i correct yes yeah it is based on uh an opera i believe but yeah she is a
courtesan she's sort of like a showgirl at the moulin rouge. And Ewan is a down on his luck gentleman who goes to the
Moulin Rouge and finds love?
It's a classic hijink
situation. I would characterize it as a hijink.
She has to seduce a
rich duke to fund
a theatrical production
and Ewan McGregor shows up
in a top hat trying
to convince her to be in a
play that he wrote.
And she mistakes him for the Duke.
And they fall in love.
And then she discovers he's not the Duke, but it's too late.
They're already in love.
And now they have to figure out this secret relationship.
Classic, total classic.
But also with a lot of music.
A lot of music.
A lot of Baz Luhrmann flashes and colors and fast he's he's he's lerman off which i learn man it's got great it's got great music in it it's so fun like i mean the lady
marmalade uh the remake of that song was from that movie oh come on come on little kim christina aguilera great video yeah pink showing
off maya getting like kind of like the last the last sparks of that career kind of the last shine
maya ever got what happened to maya i don't know man ghetto superstar came up the other day because
uh comes up sometimes when i listen to music she fucking wailed dude i love maya yeah she's
moving on that foursome is fun yeah oh man could you imagine you
go to a benihana's in there in there whoa could you imagine i'm just trying to get it i'm trying
to eat whatever eat means toss me that shrimp diana
pink's just at the bar starting fights
someone called her by her real name and she just beat
the shit out of him in that group who's in charge who's like saying where they're going next i think
christina says she's in charge but i think little kim is in charge i don't know christina seems like
a difficult person to disagree with just because it would be a hassle yeah she does seem like yeah
like you ever have that friend where you're like no i don't nobody
really wants to go there but do you want to deal with jake all night let's just yeah fucking go
get a beer there yeah let's just go to mission cantina i guess and get a picture of margs for
whatever reason he knows i'm pre-diabetes i just got my blood work back by the way i'm not i'm not oh good good for you
this day is getting better man i will you can't oh sorry go ahead i was just saying i'll go on
the record as saying i think christine aguilar seems like a handful yeah yeah she's so tiny too
you know what i mean tiny dynamite sean you can't get blood work right no no no crip work
yeah
yeah whenever I skin my knee when I was a kid way before
the crips I had to skin my knee and I'd be like
my knees crippling you got a bandaid or anything
my knees crippling
all this clut is crippling on the floor
all this clut
oh man yeah good stuff it's we're having a good time excellent two picks uh sean time for your
third pick three four five it's getting tough man because i uh you guys are going a different
route than i thought you were i kind of want to start doing i want to do a couple for me
but there's still like some bangers out there
so I'm torn
I took two for me
I haven't messed around with the kid man yet
I don't think you guys are taking this but
Days of Thunder is
yeah man
she's fantastic that was my introduction to the kid man
and it's
such a good movie
TC got a little John C. Reilly in there or Robbie Duvall it's such a good movie tc got a little john c reilly in there or robbie robbie duvall it's
so i've never seen it john can you give me a little a little log line yeah so he's uh he
doesn't even know what he wants to do tom cruise he like happens into uh like driving somehow
somebody sees him drive and they're like you should you could you should try to drive our
race car we need a driver and he's like i don't know how to drive a race car i'm you know like
i'm too badass for that he's a wheel man drives the car and they see a bunch of raw potential
but that's all it is at that point is raw potential they need to mold him so they start
working on him and like get him to be a decent race car driver and then he gets in this huge
crash together and they both have to go to the hospital and then his doctor is the kid man she kind of works him back in does brain scans and things
take care of him gets him back into good health and then they just develop a relationship as he
progresses as a race car driver and his name in the movie is cole trickle and that led to my
discovery that dick trickle was the name of a real race car driver and that's insane to me that's very funny and a terrible name oh
what a bummer dick to for trickle you figure like dick trickle and dick butt kiss just have to go
bowling once a year and just like get it out just fucking deal with it together just go vent for
like a couple hours just have a night where there's like this sucks but if your name is dick
trickle you could go by richard trickle that's a choice yeah you would be rick trickle that's still pretty cool you're choosing
to be dick trickle yeah you gotta be known 100 yeah man i like days of thunder and also i've
talked about this before but my friend growing up had probably 20 movies on vhs that we could
watch during sleepovers and i slept over his house like three,
four times a week.
So days of thunder was in heavy rotation when I was a kid,
just like,
that was one of the movies that we'd just throw in and fall asleep to.
So yeah,
I like me some days of thunder.
Days of thunder.
David,
time for your third pack.
I'm also going with the kid man and I am picking the golden compass.
Oh,
an interesting pick. and I am picking The Golden Compass. Oh!
An interesting pick.
I feel like most fans of that book are not big supporters of that movie.
I've never read the book
and I have watched his dark materials on HBO.
I've read about the book kind of a lot,
which is weird.
But yeah, I haven't read the book,
so maybe that's probably why I like it.
I just think it's a great story, man. I think it's a great story man i think it's great what's the what's the turnoff for
fans of the book you know i uh i'm not i never actually read the book i just for kids who i just
know a bunch of people who like love the book and we're mad about i guess specific book related
things i'll tell you what the turn on is a big fucking polar bear with armor come on ice bears
dude that's it's amazing it's amazing awesome it's amazing so cool what's his name ulrich
barrison or some crazy cool fucking bear name yeah i think it's great though the guy who wrote
it seems like a real interesting guy he like he said paradise lost was a big uh big influence on it also he said it wasn't supposed to be a ya
book just like his kids loved it doesn't matter doesn't matter the golden compass i think nicole
uh kidman is very chilling in it which i think is like a thing she's good at and it's a fun movie
to watch kind of a rough quality when someone's like you're so chilling all the time well i mean
i think she's playing it up i don't know her personally oh you don't oh i'll introduce you guys she's dope yeah
she is pretty chilling i find you to be chilling
chilling and methodical
excellent excellent pick i'm i'm rereading speaking of ya i'm reading red wall again
yeah what are those i don't i've never heard of them they're awesome it's about like a bunch of
mice who live in an abbey but they're they're all anthropomorphic so they're dealing with this like
rat who's attacking the abbey named cluny the scourge he's got a sword i read it when i was
like eight years old george cluny the scourge. George Clooney, the Scourge. Yeah, he's like throwing Nespresso at them.
Scourge of the dating scene, right?
That's right, dude.
Not anymore.
You know, Amal's got him locked down, dude.
Speaking of Amal's, great AFE episode.
This guy, this one, he's on brand, this one.
Always, dude.
Well, not anymore.
I moved out of Glendale.
Local joke. Hey one always dude. Well, not anymore. I'm not, I moved out of Glendale local joke.
Thank God.
Can I just vocalize by the way,
having been to both houses now night and day,
I just,
just how calm the new places is such a welcome change.
I mean,
I can't imagine how much calmer it is for you,
but like parking,
not noises all
the time.
It's not like smoke from kind of everywhere coming in.
It's just, oh, it's the best.
It's such a better life.
It's so much better.
Time for my third pick.
Third pick.
Third and fourth.
With my third pick, I'm going to the port, man.
I'm taking this movie called Annihilationilation i dude i haven't seen it yet i
haven't seen it either you guys have to watch it it's a fucking trip dude it's like people told
like when they were talking about it said like it was scary and it's not not scary but it's really
just more like chilling is also not the right word it's like kind of
unsettling and confusing but like in a good way you know is it is it like an end of days type
movie or is it like an alien invasion type movie there's basically so like the the plot is there's
like a huge bubble like in the south or this like energy field that's expanding and everything
inside it is getting kind of like
genetically fucked up so there's like all these weird animals and plants inside like it's turning
these plants into these like gigantic crazy plants oh i have seen it and then they have to go in
yeah and they send the military in but it's all women like it's a team of all women. And her husband is, uh, what's his name? Isaac. Uh,
uh,
Oscar Isaac.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That dude can act.
I will.
It is wild.
Anyway, that sounds amazing.
I,
man,
I might have to,
might have to call an audible on Paddington and change it.
Change the gear.
It's a different year.
There could not be a more different night.
It truly can't be a more different night yeah it'll it'll
stay a padding tonight i have a feeling i think you should yeah it's called the shimmer and they
walk in there and it's just fuck it's just really hard to describe it's crazy it's got an amazing
soundtrack there's wild animals animals go yeah okay yeah i do remember that movie yeah scary
scary bear thing yeah that's fair oh my god
and that lady who's very scary also who's with the or you know what watch the movie yeah watch
the movie don't take my word for it it's unsettling don't let it be the last thing you do that night
that's i dude i do that all the time where i watch something gnarly and i'm like well i gotta watch
some king of the hill to cleanse the palate. I don't think about like killing all night.
You all have weird dreams if you,
if it's the last thing,
but it's great.
It's full of great performances.
It's a great movie.
It's a very unique movie.
Like I've never seen anything like it.
And apparently it's like an allegory for like getting over a breakup or
something like that.
Have you heard that Dana?
I haven't.
It's something like that.
Yeah.
Anyway,
I don't know. I've never gotten over a a breakup i just move on and keep all the feelings i've never broken up with anyone i've
never had a breakup no you never will uh annihilation and then my next pick i'm going i'm
i'm gonna stay in the uh in the portman lane and uh also another movie directed by luke bassan i'm taking leon the professional yeah
isn't that her first movie yeah i can't believe it stuck around yeah me either i thought it was
yeah i've never seen that one oh it's good so she's a she's a baby assassin yeah essentially
like isn't it like she fit she finds out she kind of has a knack for it i think and then leon like
kind of takes her under his wing, if I'm remembering right.
Not even.
Right?
He moves into a building.
It's kind of different than that.
Okay.
He does take her under his wing.
She helps him with stuff.
But she kind of does have a little bit of a knack for it.
But that's not really about that.
Okay.
Dude, it's about the streets, dude.
Honestly, it's your classic odd couple
movie yeah the original odd couple yeah get the gary it's also an old man by the way so this is
a double this is an old man port man two bangers i was looking for one i didn't know the old man
was in there oh yeah he's in it he's great he plays a crazy dea agent damn you who i think does
drugs like in it does he like snap pills or something like or maybe i'm not
pretty sure yeah he's like hunting down leon it's like he's like hell bent on on catching uh
catching him and there's that famous scene where he's like like they're like send every like
send backup and like who and he's like everyone he's like off the fucking he's off the chain in this movie too
he's fucking nuts uh and natalie portman is amazing she's so she's so good in it she was a
kick-ass she's great out the gate man out the gate she's so good she's so good in that movie
like because really like leon's character so like kind of he underplays it so she really does kind of she's like the pulse
of that movie she really is yeah she's the heart she's i mean she's the heart of it yeah she really
is the heart of it she's like who you care about in it and she's who makes you care about uh
jean reno the the guy playing the assassin the guy playing leon like without her like softening
him it's kind of like a like a like lone wolf and cub kind of situation.
Like,
yeah,
it'd just be a weird dude with a plant.
Yeah.
He'd be a weird dude with a plant.
Yeah.
It was like,
it was like pull-ups and it's methodical about killing people.
And then he gets in there and all of a sudden you're like,
Oh,
he has a heart.
He's at a heart this whole time.
He saves the cat,
but he saves the net.
He saves the net.
Exactly.
He saves the net.
And he,
and like you,
he turns a hit man into the hero of a movie yeah so just a great movie that's my fourth pick david time for your fourth pick my fourth
pick i'm going back to the port man also very young people forget it she was in this movie but
the little bit she was in it pretty good i'm taking heat yeah she played pacino's daughter
she nailed it that movie if you haven't seen that movie
go fuck yourself she's a good young actor she was great she was great zach made the heat move a
couple times in really weird situations where it'd be like 10 30 on like a tuesday night and he's
like you want to watch heat i'm like not really right now yeah you want to do that is a long
movie like i do want to watch heat but it's like
pretty heavy for right now isn't it it's just so long it's so good though dude uh was like the
first movie with pacino and de niro with like that scene where they're at the table the first
time they'd like ever been together on screen or something yeah and there's all those theories
where it's like they weren't actually both there yeah because they couldn't stand each other for
some reason i don't know i think it's sometimes you're just two big dogs you got to get off the porch
yeah a christina aguilera and a little kim situation exactly yeah exactly 30 40 times a day
probably oh this is just another one of those classic christina aguilera little kim situations
they're like sir this is an arby's i i know it is you're telling me i know this is a fucking arby's you're proving it why
do you think why do you think i'm so fucking tense but yeah that's my pick heat heat heat
we've talked about heat a lot many times yeah that's great uh consoles are cataloged for further
views on hate john time for your fourth pick i am going to stay with the portman and i'm gonna go
it's really the only like full-on romantic comedy that i could find out of any of these and it's
called no strings attached oh i love it to pieces it's got ashton kutcher and the portman and guy branham is in
there yes he is i didn't know that until after i knew him and then i watched it again i was like
obviously there's no mistaking guy branham but he's got one of the funniest so ashton kutcher
is naked in the morning and he walks away into natalie portman's bedroom and he looks
uh i think it's mindy kaling he looks over and he goes yep, I'm definitely gay.
So funny. But yeah,
I love a romantic comedy. There's no secret there.
Textbook, feel good
romantic comedy. They're both like
rich, extremely successful,
gorgeous young people where you're like
it's so unbelievable that I'll take the
I'm gonna go on the ride with you.
Wasn't there a Deep Impact?
Yeah, it was called Friends with Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis.
And there's a lot of people like the Black Swan thing.
Like, oh, are they rivals?
You know, because they both had dueling romantic comedies come out as well.
Yeah.
Very funny.
But yeah, No Strings Attached.
It's just such a ridiculous plot.
Let's have sex and not get serious about it.
You're like,
man,
I'll sign up for as many of those as you want to give me.
Sure.
That's not,
and then that's not a ridiculous,
what?
Oh dude,
it's,
I mean,
that's like always the thing in these movies where they're like,
all right,
just sex though.
I mean,
you're gonna,
you're gonna fall in love.
I thought you said it's going to,
I thought you said it like,
that's a plot that doesn't happen in real life.
Oh no,
no, I'm just saying it's like,
it's pretty tired romantic comedy plot,
but I love it.
I mean, Seinfeld even did it, you know?
So it's like very fun.
But yeah, no strings attached.
I love it.
NSA, excellent.
Dana, time for your fourth and then your final pick
as it is a serpentine draft.
And we'll do the fifth pick.
We'll do a lightning round.
Oh, all right.
My fourth pick, I'm going to to die for with nicole kidman yeah a really a really underrated movie directed by gus van sant the screenplay is by the amazing writer buck henry
it's like i honestly think it's like one of the most underrated like like it's just sort of
forgotten but it deserves to be sort of revitalized.
Well, we were talking about it a little bit, right?
Yeah, I was talking.
It's she played Nicole Kidman.
It's so funny.
It's like very dark and very funny.
She plays basically like a fame obsessed local news anchor
who wants to be famous.
And she kind of seduces a local high school student
played by a very young Joaquinenix to murder her husband for her.
Been there.
But it's a comedy.
It's like a dark comedy.
It's not a drama.
Right.
And the thing is, because I wanted to pick it, but I haven't seen it recent enough to wax about it.
So I'm glad you picked it because I remember it being fantastic fantastic it's one of those that i feel like just gets forgotten i
actually saw it they were did a screening at the uh back when movie theaters were a thing at the
draft alma draft house downtown like i saw it got to see it on the big screen and i was just like
fun how did i miss this movie i think it was sort of like a box office bomb. People didn't really get it at the time, but it really, I think,
deserves to be dug up.
And then, fast, sorry, my
final pick, good, classic,
fun superhero movie.
I'm going to go Thor.
Oh, yeah. Damn it.
I just think it's a fun fish out of water
directed by the Kenneth Branagh.
Hemsworth is charming. She's
whatever in it. She's not like used very well.
Nicole, Natalie Portman,
but like overall,
just a fun movie.
She's in it though.
Hell yeah.
That's a great superhero.
That's such a good time.
Hemsworth fucking nails it.
Cause it's such a fish out of water, right?
It's like an isolated,
like some,
I think superhero movies
make the mistake of going way too big
where it's like,
you got to save the universe
and the galaxy and whatever. But like, no, it's just this one town just hemsworth keep it small it's a lot of fun
excellent beck i love it all right here you go this is something i did not know until i was on
imdb today i'm going to pick it because it just blew my mind so hard i had no idea i'm gonna pick
i'm gonna go with the old man he was was in Hannibal and he played Mason Verger.
You know who, do you know who that was in Hannibal?
No.
He's that guy that Hannibal convinced to cut his face up with glass.
Gary Oldman is the second version of that.
Cause there's like a, there's a first part of the movie where I don't think it's him.
I think it's a different actor. And then Hannibal convinces him to cut his face up with glass.
And then Gary Oldman is the guy who's laying in bed who like uh can barely talk if that is that helping you out gary oldman played him yeah i did i was
shocked when i saw that because you you hear him talk and he's just talking to halliburton
i didn't need you to do this so you can't hear an accent or anything i was shocked i couldn't
believe it so i had to pick
that just so i could tell you guys that that was gary oldman is that fucking crazy he's such a good
actor and i know it's makeup but like come on man yeah that's wild it is insane yeah so anyway
hannibal excellent david your final pick i'm doing it i don't give a shit what you nerds think i don't
give a shit if it was one of the worst movies in the series because you know what i was 12 and i fucking love that shit i'm taking
phantom menace god damn it yeah i loved it too i liked it i liked it jar jar binks was pretty
racist but other than that you know what i mean boy he sure was i like the prequels i think they're
all fun to make concessions for racist shit movies i would have nothing to pick yeah that sucks yeah it does you'd have to take paddington
and two and two i do think you're pretty safe with that yeah no attack of the clones i liked
it i don't know man i i guess people say that's like the worst one it's a kid's movie yeah i
liked it i was a kid i thought it was cool. Qui-Gon Jinn is my favorite Jedi ever.
And your favorite drink, apparently.
Also.
Give me some Qui-Gon Jinn.
Yeah.
Are you taking Attack of the Clones or Phantom Menace?
I'm taking Phantom Menace.
I'm sorry.
I'm taking Phantom Menace.
The first one.
The first one.
You wouldn't say we go through episodes two like Attack of the Clones?
No, to live quality.
But I did think about that.
Yes.
It's the worst line from such a good
song he he was the worst verse on such a good song if you really want to phantom menace excellent
final man my final pick uh cruz kidman kubrick it had to get taken uh-huh eyes wide shut just yeah
just fucking and sucking and wearing masks just in the last we don't need to dive in but yeah we we you know what it's about fucking
sucking wearing masks fucking sucking and wearing masks not a movie i'm ever gonna watch again
sounds like my halloween yes real life right now that's all everyone's doing
anyone who's obeying the rules anyways you know no i didn't do anything on halloween
doing anyone who's obeying the rules anyways you know no i didn't do anything on halloween
i didn't either did i we we did something yeah i was emily in paris oh yeah you were emily in paris it's pronounced emily and perry i don't know if you guys saw the tweet it was pretty big
and i was that psycho dude from Fargo, just sort of all month.
I look like him.
You do.
You sure do.
Boy, oh boy, do I.
Yeah, eyes wide shut.
So that's our final pick.
Dana, you went first.
You took Paddington, V for Vendetta, Moulin Rouge, To Die For, and then Thor.
Sean, you went second. You took True Romance, Garden State, Days of Thunder, No Strings Attached, and Hannibal.
David, you went third.
You took The Fifth Element, Black Swan, The Golden Compass, Heat, and Phantom Menace.
I went last, and I took The Dark Knight, Harry Potter, and The Prisoner of Azkaban, a movie
I love more than anyone else on this podcast.
Annihilation, Leon the Professional, and Eyes Wide Shut.
Everything I had written down got taken.
Me too.
Every single thing.
Well, we didn't have to double up.
I was like, you know,
because I was going to pick Revenge of the Sith.
I was like, if it gets down to it
and someone's already picked a Star Wars,
I'm still going to pick it.
So I'm glad we didn't have to double up.
There was Avengers Endgame,
but we've already took Thor.
And then there was Mars Attacks,
which is also a port man.
Oh, yeah.
She's really, that is a fun movie.
It's super fun.
It's sort of, I feel like a movie made of all deleted scenes.
That's so funny.
That's my take for that movie is it's so weird and disjointed, but it is fun.
It's real fun.
And then I almost took Baz Luhrmann's Australia, which is a Nicole Kidman movie.
Yeah, I weirdly liked that movie, too.
I don't really know what with Hugh Jackman, right?
Yeah, it was like a sweeping epic.
I just kind of liked it.
It was big.
I was super baked when I watched it.
There wasn't not a lot of old man movies beating my door down.
I was like, I got the ones I like, and they're great, but I'm not going to pick like Tinker
Taylor or anything.
Tinker Taylor is amazing.
There's The Hours that I've never seen, but people think is good. they're great but i'm not gonna pick like tinker taylor or anything tinker taylor is amazing there's
the hours that i've never seen but people think is good yeah it could be more like the theirs
you know not for me the portman was in zoolander she just played herself for like 10 seconds so
that would have been a fun one but i felt like that was almost cheating bombshell bombshell
i haven't seen bombshell i saw it in theaters like on a Tuesday.
My friend Mohammed.
Nice.
Sean, you would like Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.
You should watch it.
It's good.
Or Jackie.
Yeah, I should.
I should.
I haven't seen Jackie.
I haven't seen Jackie yet.
I also didn't see Jackie and I kind of feel bad that I haven't.
Darkest Hour with the old man, which he won the Oscar for, is really good.
That's when he's Churchill?
Yeah, it was Churchill.
I think Zach and I watched that. Oh oh she's a stripper and in closer i forgot that
movie i love that movie but it's just such a bummer i didn't want to talk about it instead
you want to talk about hannibal and the guy eating his face it just blew my mind dude yeah
that is an amazing fact yeah well those are our picks we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to super producer marissa
who pm'd me to say she does not have any picks and that's why i did not skip her
she just honestly can't think of a movie we didn't take already i got a i got a couple shout
out to fahim and Megan in their years together
listening to our show it's a very fun
story Jeff Petty thank you for the
fanny packs and James Miller thanks for turning 30
so there you go you got a fanny pack
you got a fanny pack yeah
Jeff Petty sent I'm sure he'd love
to send you guys one as well it's probably
just a message that I
maybe you guys missed and I didn't but yeah he sent
the queen and I a fanny pack or you didn't tell us so you could get your uh this feels like the tennis racket shit
over again dog sean's getting sean is getting all sorts of stuff that's meant for the three of us
that we don't ever see see or hear of now you're talking to six bro yeah yeah put six on the phone
you know i did that one time and that is one of the
times i got beat up uh one of the first times i was like you don't just run your mouth you you
need to pick and choose i feel like we've been boys together i had to try to give you the work
why i don't love it i was like bring your ass over and then he came right over beat me up and then left oh shout out to beetlejuice the cat
beetlejuice it's time for you to learn about taft now that david and i are both here all right
sit down yep i lay down actually he did
and beetlejuice is dank he's such a beautiful cat shout out to beetlejuice uh shout out to
saint sue carmel shout out to everyone on the afe patreon holding us down thank you so much we love
you uh a shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit shout out to all fantasy everything
mel kuyper who had a had a brief stay in the hospital but we we're so glad
you're feeling better uh i hope you're feeling better i think you said you were feeling better
you're feeling better uh we wish you all the all the best man get well soon i hope i hope
everything's okay and it wasn't serious uh i know we all joke with you and everything but we really
do appreciate you and and love everything you do on twitter for us absolutely it's awesome and
yeah man it was just it sucked to hear you were in there but glad to hear you're doing better
say a word and it was real hard for me to say that because i hate i hate you
you do i hate you a female kuiper always giving me bad grades on great picks my picks are perfect
if i don't get an a plus on this i'm gonna scream like a tea kettle give him a d minus give him a d
minus if you give me a d minus i'm gonna scream like a tea kettle. Give him a D minus.
If you give me a D minus, I'm going to give you a B minus.
I want a good grade. I need a good grade.
I'm an A student and I will take it very personally
if I get a bad grade.
Dana went to Brown. It's going to be hard for you to
get to grad school if you don't get a good grade on this.
It's very important.
I was one of those kids.
I walked out with C's and I was like, hey, dope.
Moving on.
Next.
Next.
So I did it then is what you're saying.
Graduated.
All right.
C's get degrees.
C's later.
And more important than all that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode
of All Fantasy Everything.
Shacklackity. More important than all that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
Shclackity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.