All Fantasy Everything - Movies With Aliens (w/ Sean Jordan and David Gborie)
Episode Date: July 9, 2020TAKE ME TO YOUR DEALERRRRRRRRRR, the gang gets far out and drafts "Movies with Aliens."Support the show!Sponsors:Manscaped - Get 20% off and free shipping with the code ALLFANTASY at Man...scaped.com.Hims - Go to forhims.com/allfantasy5 for a free online visit.Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comAdvertise on All Fantasy Everything with Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts the entire world, everything
and anything from flavors to ad jingles to people you wish were your uncle.
Today, we're fantasy drafting movies featuring aliens.
With me as always are my co-hosts and wonderful comedians, David Borey and Sean Jordan.
Let's get into it
welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that...
Oh, well now I say that podcast thing up top.
Yeah.
Shit, where...
Just took a while.
Where are we, dude?
We are in the world where I started watching The Defiant Ones again last night.
And, man, it's good.
Oh, that's the...
Jimmy Ivey and Dr. Dre.
Oh, yeah.
Also, a lot of Bruce Springsteen in that movie.
Healthy amount of Bruce Springsteen.
Small amount of John Lennon in it for a minute
Isn't it?
Some Tom Petty in there
Some Stevie Nicks
No heartbreakers
Heartbreakers use the side door
Has any rapper said that?
All Petty no heartbreaker?
Big Boi had that song
About Tom Petty that hoe
Sorry for saying hoe What does like tom petty that hoe okay saying hoe
what does that mean it's not a good enough song that i dug into it
yeah i'll buy that it was definitely you know like god bless big boy i like he i really love
god bless him in his owl owl owl condition he owns owls he fucking i
preferred speaker box to love below and i think i still do but like he definitely puts out a lot
more stuff than andre so there's definitely a lot more like uh you know yeah skips it's okay
there's some great stuff though this like i love big boy he shoes for
running off what like i don't know he he has some hits man he has some hits but like
when you're cranking out so much shit you're gonna get a few what's your phone numbers on there
you know sure it's not it's not ready to die it's never gonna be but sure if you had how
early into the podcast do we talk about tupac if you had under three minutes congratulations you better have
dude guy comes up man he comes up it's usually under three minutes i saw you tweeting about
watching belly again the other day just like in the middle of the night that was when i saw you
texted about watching watching belly the other day you were like i think i'm gonna watch belly
and i was like okay it was that kind of night that's cool bro and then i asked david i was like you'd be home later
because i want to call and then i called and i got dogged oh i'm sorry i was i was like not doing
anything i imagine i was off the leash and i was just i was bouncing all i was texting you know
how it is when you're off the leash you're just texting everyone you're just everywhere on the
handlebars it's okay you were emerald in the kitchen dude you just had like three pots going you know what i mean three bottles going oh shane's boy guy fieri yeah was in south dakota
yesterday i saw him what what i'll tell you what he wasn't doing was wearing a mask and it
really got on my nerves but everything else he's doing there is fantastic what is he doing there
they're going to ddd man they're filming diners divas and drives he can't catch it because of donkey sauce you yeah you know that
right like he's got the antibodies from eating donkey sauce yeah if i had a dollar for any time
every time somebody said that to me they're way before all this they were just like oh yeah david
can't catch it from eating donkey sauce like football they said that to you a lot yeah yeah
it's a good thing and a bad thing.
It's definitely a double-edged sword, dude.
What's a double-edged bottle of donkey sauce?
Dude, it's like they say it's a double-nozzle bottle of donkey sauce, man.
You know, life.
Have you guys been to his restaurant yet?
We should go to his restaurant.
I'm in.
Is it in Los Angeles?
Next time we're in New York, let's go to the one in Times Square.
They closed the Times Square one.
Oh, did they?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shit, RIP Flavortown.
New York's changed, man.
It's not the city I grew up in.
I'll tell you that right now.
I remember when there used to be a Margaritaville and a D&D on that block and an old spaghetti
factory.
And a Toby Keith's.
I love this bar.
What is it, Toby Keith's?
I love this all
american bar and grill i can't remember there was one i was in rosemont chicago doing their club and
it was in the same complex and i was like no way toby keith's with too many it's like a car that
has like uh like a spoiler and hydraulics it's like he put too many bells and whistles on the
name of that place yeah yeah yeah toby keith's i love this all-american
bar and grill i think is it all-american i thought it was just i love this bar because
he has that song called i love this i love this part maybe it does i love this bar not a bad song
if you'll if you'll if you'll buy this i heard that at the nickel spot a couple times shooting
pool if you can buy that about 15 years ago when i had my own pool cue and we used to go
every monday night yeah i'd go ahead and then i'd go ahead and walk over there and i would play bad
fish like 15 times yeah and if you can take if you can buy this nobody in the pool hall wanted
to hear bad fish except for me that's crazy wild rover living in they kind of wanted to hear
halfway across the country in portland oregon though i catching a vibe off it, not even knowing why.
Yeah, like when there's a disturbance in the
forest, you'd just be sitting in Beaverton like,
wait a minute.
Someone pissed off all these Hessians
in a pool hall right now by playing
bad fish. Like how you can smell it before
somebody farts sometimes.
The quickening.
Like the air gets a little
I taste pennies
and then I'm like
someone farted
yeah
the weather vane
on your house
starts like going
back and forth
like
now wait a minute
wait a minute
someone's about to fart
get down
all the mugs
you have hanging
in your kitchen
just like start like
cling cling cling
these all sound like the intro to a Michaelael bay movie the weather vane moving around
that's like straight up michael bay shit yeah he loves weather veins i never seen anybody who
uses a weather vane for that guy loves he's he's i would say and i don't want to be a prick or
anything but i would say america's premier weather vane filmmaker yeah yeah you're not a prick that's
fair yeah would i say the world's?
No.
No.
No, no.
What are we crazy?
We're doing crazy stuff in Iceland.
I've never even been to Bolivia, so how am I qualified to speak on that?
No, you were in Bolivia.
We went to Bolivia.
I've never been to Bolivia.
I want to be very clear right now on this podcast that is free to listen for anyone
that I, ian carmel
have never been to bolivia i've never been to bolivia to buy counterfeit manatees to sell
back to american when you said that you're serious the computer is different wow i've never been down
there to buy a bunch of groupers that some zookeepers painted decals on to look like manatees
that i then sold to american zoos just to be clear that's never happened the exotic animal market is
crazy i'm trying to get involved in it i was just gonna say i want to go to bolivia to get my
wedding suit but it sounds like a bolivian wedding suit would be something i don't want
you definitely sounds like a punishment when you owe the mob a bunch of money.
I think that's where they slit your throat and pull your nuts through the wound.
Yeah, did you hear about Sean?
They gave him a Bolivian wedding suit.
Poor son of a bitch.
They found him wearing a Bolivian wedding suit.
Sean S. Jordan on Twitter.
Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.
I'm right here, baby.
An album that's called The Buck Starts
Here. Yeah.
We just got more flasks in it.
A special thing record.
Go buy a flask. And also
I'm going to have some shipped to me. So if you'd like me to ship
you one, DM me on Instagram
and we'll get it done. Beautiful. Let me flask
you a question.
Where do they go to buy it?
Nine inches flask it, boy.
You go to a special thing.
That would suck.
Honestly, having a flask of nine inch penis would be real.
I wonder when that is for everyone with a penis when they realize like, oh, no, I don't want it to be huge.
For everyone with a penis.
Well, I don't want it.
You know, I'm trying to.
I'm saying anyone who has a penis when you're like i don't want it to be gigantic without when you realize like no right about six inches is what
like i'm shooting for that's the average five six inches when you don't want it to be like 12
having like a really big dick would be like having like owning like an rv like owning an rv you know
what i mean like it'd be tight but like difficult to back into certain spaces difficult
to back i mean it works a lot of like most of the time or like sometimes it would be so dope there
are like definitely instances where it would be like amazing but then like a lot of the time you're
just like where do i fucking put this thing yeah you definitely got to find spaces capable yeah
then you got to find electric and water hookups places to dump your
brown water it's a whole thing you can't put it everywhere you can't put it everywhere yeah
just be nuts to have like a smoking hog when you were just sitting there and you're like
i don't want it to be gnarly right now i want it weird at the salad bars you're like sort of like
sidling over and it just keeps like hitting you in the thighs you know i just want some garbanzo
beans i don't want to think about my dick right now i had a guy i had a guy i had to have quick cut in my hair because of
that can we have such a smoking hug yeah i'll tell you afterwards but he's in pornography movies i
can show you oh my god nice this is real like you just thought somebody was like tapping on your
shoulder all the time you're like what felt like i felt like he was giving me a hug and then he wasn't.
Sean, do you have anything?
Do you have anything else you want to direct?
Like, I mean, who knows?
David's working on a fun project, so I'm excited to hear what that's all about.
Okay.
Yes.
Yeah.
Kick it over to me.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
David Borey is also here.
Cool guy jokes.
77 on Instagram.
G asylum on Twitter.
Bang.
There's a website you can be on if you want to for some reason. I mean, we kind of have to.
Don't even waste your breath tweeting at me. I'm
living a happy life. Not happy, but
like I'm not on Twitter.
I'm going to promote this show.
I'll like some shit.
But yeah, I don't like that. Every now and then
I'll angle for a ham sponsorship, but that's
mostly why I'm on there.
I was doing that.
I'm also doing that in real life.
As far as projects, Sean tried to be a dick, but I got one.
I just finished the hit book, Running the Light,
by my man Sam Talent, my homie since the ninth grade.
Hell yeah.
Forward by Kyle Kinane.
It's so good.
Order it from him uh his instagram is sam t-a-l-l-e-n-t
uh it's his first novel and if you're interested about stand up in the road and being sad and what
that's like yo he fucking nails it really hell yeah i mean not surprising but i didn't know it
was a work of fiction i should have looked into it more it's so fucking good man uh i think he's so i think he's sending out
signed copies right now if you order soon uh but yeah i just finished it yesterday it's it's
great so yeah running the light the first novel by sam talent that's not the price he's so brilliant
it's not surprising he wrote a great book i'm not gonna say that because you know we hang out yeah yeah it's a good ass book but it's a good ass book
he makes sam talent like great comedian amazing shoe moves not ever shoe moves i would make
but like no once again i'm not gonna all right you're not gonna drop them up at all i'm not
gonna promote that at all would you at least agree to atypical shoe moves?
Yes, 100%.
Okay, atypical shoe moves I think is an even more accurate statement.
I would agree to that wholeheartedly.
I don't know if he went through with it fully,
but I remember talking to him once,
and he was like, I'm going to do wrestling shoes for a while.
Yeah.
Yeah, that is the kind of moves that he makes.
Those things have no arch support.
It's not like a great shoe andre 3000 and what are you talking about i don't know wrestling shoes you psycho it's insane to be like light and yeah they're not they don't do anything
if you will if you walked they are comfortable though wrestling shoes are very comfortable
like chillers in the crib sure but no i mean have you ever worn wrestling shoes they're very comfortable totally but just for being inside weird grip up the side of your foot so that like
if you're coming in like on the side and like digging over which i think would maybe help for
skateboarding i wouldn't know i've never done it what if you just changed the game right now
and wore wrestling shoes i think they'd wear thin i think they'd a dude had to wear running shoes the other day and they sucked so i did running skate shoes or skating i
went skating with my running shoes and uh i didn't mean to obviously but then yeah it was not wasn't
dank as they say running your skating shoes would suck too just clunky fucking i used to do that i
was gonna run a marathon three miles in these Osirises.
Took me 48 minutes.
Tongue's just giving me shin splints and shit.
Banging into you.
Dislocates your ankle.
The sock I shoved in there to keep it puffy, like rubbed the skin wrong.
Those D3s, man.
Those things are so buck.
Also, oh, you know what else I want to promote?
Behind Ian, he has Eric Andre special.
Yeah, watch that.
And if you notice a voice at the very beginning that says,
ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Eric Andre, maybe it's me.
Okay, I told Spliff Nugs to watch it the other night,
and I was like, I think David is there.
And I think that's him, and he said he couldn't tell. I was there for the whole tour.
That's sick, man.
I heard it was Jadakiss, dude.
The Internet thinks it's Jadakiss.
That would have been so much tighter to High Plains.
They're like, dude, Jadakiss is on stage with Ian and Sean right now.
I'd be like, fucking yes.
Mix David up with Jadakiss all you want, because that would be tight.
They're drafting reasons why you can't or can't do things.
Pecan Jag.
Number one.
Number one. Why can't I come through in the pecan jag oh god
why not a lot of denzel washington suits in inside man and man on fire are the pecan jag of suits
and he can come through in them yeah i don't know why he couldn't come through in the pecan
and if you look you see the look on his face he was pouty in the
pecan jack that was a crazy thing he didn't he didn't come through like hey guys look at my
pecan jack i'm not saying yeah he was like why not i'm not saying a pecan jack should be your
only car but if you have another car and then sometimes you come through in the pecan jack why
why guys it's tuesday we're going to cheesecake factory started to pull the wraith out yeah If you have another color and then sometimes you come through in the pecan jag. Why? Why guys? It's Tuesday.
We're going to cheesecake factory.
Sorry to pull the wraith out.
Yeah.
It's a pecan jag type of situation.
I thought I apparently put too much chlorine in my pool.
So now I have to go to Peter's pool supply and I have to get some stuff to
dilute that.
And I'm not going to fucking do that in a Rolls Royce.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
The wifey wanted some fucking Chick-fil-A chicken brisket. And I went in a rolls royce yeah i'm sorry okay the wifey wanted some fucking chick-fil-a chicken
brisket and i went in a pecan jag i don't know what you fucking want from me all right i can't
come through in the pecan jag i brought home goobers and my girlfriend wanted peanut butter
and jelly separate so now i gotta go back to fucking ralph's well first you went through a
vicious breakup and then you went back to Ralphs. I ended the relationship.
First, we violently broke up.
As a make good, I went and I ate the goobers in front of her silently.
It's also funny to me because I don't think people, I don't think this is like a popular lyric.
No, I don't think so. I don't think anybody knows.
I can't.
Like some people do, but that song wasn't even that popular.
I'm trying to think of people I know that Adam might know and Frat might know.
That's it for people that I know.
I'm trying to think of anybody who I know listens.
My mom is like driving to work right now, just like smiling through it all.
Like, God bless you, mom.
That's great, though.
I love you, mom.
Thank you for that.
Just like, I know, I only know this from the other times they've brought it up
is like a lot of people but you know what we're building an entire fiction out of you know and
that's all and all you need to know is a jadakiss line one time where he said why i can't come
through in the pecan jag that's really all you need to know about it as though that were a problem
the listeners could relate to on a very real level.
I mean, when I was 15, I was listening to that song and I did feel it.
I did understand what he meant.
I was like, yeah, why can't I come through in the pecan jacket?
Well, you put yourself in the world.
You're like, if I had one and I wanted to come through in it, how come I can't? I don't even have a license.
I managed to get a pecan jaguar.
You're going to hate?
You're going to hate on me for that?
It's 2003.
For God's sake.
I'm wearing high tops.
All right.
All right.
Fucking Fifty Shades of Grey was based off of Twilight fan fiction.
So we can build our own world around that one J to kiss lyric.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
What?
Yeah.
I didn't know that yeah what you
gotta break that down like that's like vampire shit dude i bought that i was i would have died
on that hill with you man i think i trusted you i haven't taken in any of that media i've never
or i saw i saw the twilight movie until they started playing baseball and I was like I don't want to fuck with this anymore
so the old Twilight house
I guess they filmed one of the first ones
at the big wood house in the forest
Big Tork Dad and Adam and I
went up there one time because it was
close to our house in Northwest
it's in Portland
and we go up there and we're in the driveway
and a car pulls up with a dad that didn't look excited a mom that was thrilled and a daughter that was thrilled and they got out of the car and we go up there and we're in the driveway and a car pulls up with a dad that didn't look excited, a mom that was thrilled and a daughter that was thrilled. And they got out of
the car and they go, you guys care if we go look at your house? And we're like, obviously we don't
live here. I could not. I was shocked. I was like, you thought the three of us lived in this house?
Big Tork Daddy, Adam and me? Yeah, dude. Fifty Shades of Grey started as Twilight fan fiction.
I knew it.
I was right.
So it was like, what if these vampires were actually fucking?
The story was originally Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson's characters, but in like
a BDSM relationship.
And then I guess it caught on and she was like, I guess I better make these just like
a rich dude and some lady.
And thus it was born.
So she found out she was good at writing erotic fan fiction.
Yeah.
And then she parlayed it into a novel career.
That's right.
Which turned into movies.
And now she's like.
Brian Cook.
Uh-huh.
I'm just kidding.
He just hosted everybody else.
Yeah.
I was just kidding.
Shout out to Brian Cook.
My name is Ian Carmel.
Ian Carmel on Twitter.
Ian Carmel on Instagram. Ian carmel on instagram ian carmel on jewish audible where you can where you can listen to exclusively the
autobiography of five ish finkel is that a real name yeah yeah he was a he's an actor
five ish finkel he either is or was an actor uh oh he was in uh he was in american go american
tale fievel goes west five american tale fievel goes west
fivesh fivesh goes west that's right yeah fivesh fivesh finkel oh he died in 2016 may he rest in
peace by the way if i can speak to my fellow jews for a moment too many of us named josh not enough
of us named fivesh i know six jewish joshes i know five-ish, and he died four years ago.
Brother, I'm glad you said it, because I was thinking it.
I got to speak to my community for a second.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to use the podcast to do that.
Name your kid five-ish.
What's going to happen?
What's going to happen?
They're going to become an acclaimed actor? Oh, sorry.
Five-ish Weinstein.
You know what I mean?
Not a bad name.
Solid.
I'm naming my first kid six-ish. Six-ish Weinstein you know what I mean not a bad name solid I'm naming my first name like a good
six-ish six-ish five-ish six-ish seven-ish eight-esque dude that's your daughter yeah
yeah eight Esquire and eight Esquire Esquire has no sex on it right it's just if you're a lawyer
I think anyone can be an Esquire yeah right j israel i thought of a name that sounded cool the other day we were trying to combine uh names
out of all of our nicknames or names and spliffka is a name that i said and that sounds kind of cool
it's a combination between spliff and micah sounds like an ed medicine yeah spliffka side effects
from spliffka may include runny nose and excessive bus nuts.
Like a hot couple in their early 70s flying kites together?
Wait, bus nuts?
Just like a real cute commercial, you know what I mean?
Like running through a field, sitting on a beach, getting off a private plane from Bolivia.
At a farmer's market.
Just cute stuff.
Doing your taxes.
Fucking cute stuff.
Railing lines of pure Bolivian.
Absolutely.
You know what I mean?
Chopping it up on the triple beam.
Painting a white horse with zebra lines
and then selling it to the Columbus Zoo.
No, at your child's dance
recital just in the trap house topless women sorting your drugs right you know what i mean
masks on before covid slow dancing at a 50th reunion slow dancing in the 50th reunion in
a cigarette boat running from the fbi just cute stuff totally totally apple picking in the spring
dropping your enemies from a helicopter.
Throwing an active chainsaw at somebody.
Just like cute.
100%.
Cute, cute stuff.
Just cute older couple stuff, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Spliffka.
Spliffka.
Why would you do that, Spliffka?
We needed that money, Spliffka.
Spliffka, why would you do that?
Making a getaway on the back of a giraffe while you're holding two machine guns.
Just like cute, sort of like, yeah, I'm entering my winter years, but we still, you know.
Turning states evidence.
Just adorable stuff.
Damn.
Absolutely.
Changing your name to Micah Rabinowitz and moving to Florida.
Absolutely.
I mean, some of this is going to happen.
Just stuff that like older couples go through.
All of them, you know.
What do I got coming?
Either.
I'm not sure when this is going to come out.
Either game on is over or there's one episode left and you should watch it.
It's a whole.
It's a barrel of laughs.
And and then like a side of fun, you know.
Yeah.
I think that sounds pretty well.
Yeah, it sounds great. and then like a side of fun, you know? Yeah. I think that sounds pretty well. Yeah.
It sounds great.
I bought a new Roku the other day so we can watch it on our television
because it was not supporting any of these apps properly.
So I'm waiting for,
I'm too behind because I'm waiting to watch it on the TV.
I'm going to come over and make you Laura watch it for eight hours with me.
We're going to watch all eight episodes.
Yeah.
Let me get that password.
I'm watching clips on YouTube like an animal i will yeah i'll send it to you right
after remind me i'll send it to you after this all right i'm gonna make that info yeah love that
like we just made a real gang all right bet all right let's fucking do it put that on crit man
i'll send it to you don't talk about it don't talk about it be about it you know put it on the set
playboy big money, little money walks.
Put it in the fucking dirigible
and send it south to Bolivia.
You know what I mean?
Let's make it happen.
What else do I have going?
Listen to all fantasy everything
and just be excellent to each other.
Keep donating to the causes.
Don't let that stuff
fucking like die down.
As far as,
I mean like,
listen,
I would love for Breonna Taylor's
murderers to be arrested by now
when this drops. Arrest them. Maybe that hasn't happened yet fucking arrest them keep pushing for
that stuff you know it's good good good to give yourself time you know what i mean i don't know
to like decompress into all that stuff but like get back in like get back in the fucking room
keep in mind that we're it's going the right way hopefully and it's only going to keep going that right way
if everyone stays vocal stays vigilant keep donating money if you got it keep speaking up
when you can keep checking i mean all the way down to like family members and stuff just keep
checking people and letting them know it's not okay to be like this just do it i mean they're
gonna stop so it sucks yeah yeah i mean it does and
like fucking already start thinking about voting and being vocal about that we can't do it too soon
so just keep that in your mind think about voting think about boating dude thinking about
taking a a sternwheeler riverboat gambling ship taking that day on the coast of south america
not to bolivia or anything i'll tell you the truth i'm thinking about bloating i ate a shit Wheeler Riverboat gambling ship. Taking that day on the coast of South America.
Not to Bolivia or anything.
I'll tell you the truth.
I'm thinking about bloating.
I ate a shit ton of grapes this morning.
So many fucking grapes.
Grapes are fucking, grapes are good for you, dude.
Dude, I just started watching that Will Ferrell movie, and I just, next thing you know, I ate like 70 grapes.
That's a lot of grapes.
I mean, is that really good?
I like it, yeah. I'm going to finish it after this. Well, I got some shit to do That's a lot of grapes. I mean, is that really good? I like it.
Yeah.
I'm going to finish it after this.
Well, I got some shit to do with it.
I don't.
I'm going to go skateboard after this.
We got to.
David and I got to take a bunch of goats.
And I was trying to make convincing, at least from a distance, that they look like bobcats
by fucking 4 p.m.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You guys can get that.
What time does the plane land?
What time does the plane land?
To our business.
The plane is landing at burbank right now
actually so let's make this quick uh we'll have to scott and take him to lunch yeah
sure yeah i just brought a bunch of goats and uh
just wanted to bring him into the old spaghetti factory and uh that's a terrible zach impression
yeah i was like what are you doing I'm not a good impressionist.
Zach's hard.
Zach's hard to do.
There's like a little Midwestern accent in there, but he also spent some time on the
islands.
Yeah.
Not, I mean, it's not, you know, I'll say somebody's like, yeah, no, I could see that.
Yeah, for sure.
For sure.
And there's no distinct voice to go with Zach.
It's really more just a warmth.
It's just a warmth.
It's an energy.
He says things like big kitty.
Yeah, he does. I love it. And it's just a warmth it's an energy he says things like big kitty yeah he does i love it and
it's so tight it could be like just a big ship in the harbor he's like oh big kitty yeah if you
don't have a friend in your life who calls things big kitty you gotta like try to make that happen
for 2020 like don't look for it look for it look for it look for it now we are gathered here today
not only to sing the praises of zach tuscani, though we could absolutely do a whole podcast on that.
We are gathered here today to fantasy draft movies that have aliens in them.
Yeah.
I'm excited.
Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking.
Oh, this is, by the way, a user pick.
A user pick.
A Patreon suggestion.
So shout out to whoever it was.
The last poll was so dank that uh yeah there were two like banging suggestions
so now we're doing the second one
also so here it is out of nowhere by the way
but Laura we were just sitting on the couch
and she goes uh I told her
about the you know it's dank
that I'm stoked on when you stop me and you're like that should
just be something out of nowhere on the couch
she goes I've really been thinking about you know it's dank
that I'm stoked on I was like you know it's dank
that I'm stoked on is that you're stoked on that it was so tight and just hearing somebody who doesn't say
dank say it i was i was just like yeah all right let's get married i mean we could backdoor pilot
it on afe if you want this one have a little section where you where we have like is this a
term a backdoor pilot i can't believe i've gone this long you said it's so casual like you've said it before i haven't said it before oh that is it
is actually an industry term it is a term a backdoor pilot is like uh you know how they
launch fraser off of uh cheers that spin-off is another thing so like. A backdoor pilot is like, you know how they launch Frasier off of Cheers?
That spinoff is another thing.
So they'll backdoor pilot.
They'll use storylines on other shows.
So it's also technically when you eat pizza and then go poop.
It's also that.
It's a backdoor pilot, dude.
Yeah, I'm a developer.
Yeah, because you're pooping because of the pizza?
Yeah, it's a spinoff of the pizza.
I'm in development right now with Round 2.
That's such a good way to say it I'm developing a spin-off
It's called Taking a Shit
Damn, that's been off
Eight seasons, dude
I'm about to spin off the shit out of this fried rice
I'm taking wings shits
It's crazy
Zach's the one to talk to anything Northern Exposure
I've never met another person Who's even said it, really I'm taking wings shits. It's crazy. Zach's the one to talk to anything Northern Exposure.
I've never met another person who's even said it, really, except for you. Definitely hanging up in Zachula's castle is Northern Exposure knowledge.
We could backdoor pilot.
You know what's dank that I'm stoked about, dude?
We could just give you a little section.
David and I will record a jingle for it, and then you just go off for like two minutes
about something that's dank that you're stoked about.
Yeah.
Could be anything, dude. Could be like how how smart you just found out how smart octopuses
are or like finding out kangaroos can swim is pretty gnarly yeah growing raspberries for real
is pretty gnarly that's pretty dank you stuck those are two things that i didn't know went
together very dank that i'm stoked on what'd you do this week well i found out kangaroos can swim
and i grew some raspberries that's a full week uh- well i found out kangaroos can swim and i grew some raspberries
that's a full week uh-huh i found out gravy can be different colors uh yeah one of them's gonna
be real short buffalo wings wings dude fried pickles within a week i'll be eating them uh
the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors
play between the two of you and we throw on shoot here we go forward this time
rock paper scissor shit oh cover that shit up boy flat yuck wait wait what did david throw shoot rock rock that's a rock oh unless he tries to cheat no it was a rock
this guy a rock fucking guy i may have been born but it wasn't yesterday god damn it i may have been born, but it wasn't yesterday. God damn it. I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night, you motherfucker.
And it certainly wasn't from a pregnant woman in Bolivia.
I cannot stress that enough.
I definitely didn't hear that quote from the CEO of the Columbus Zoo.
Do they have CEOs?
All right.
Anyway.
Everyone's got a CEO, man.
Couldn't think of a dude's name.
Sean, as the winner of rock paper scissors
it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that
i will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is a serpentine draft that's an excellent
question it's kind of like if you are 99 episodes into gray's anatomy at this point i don't know
why it would be but if you have watched 99 hours of gray's anatomy since
i started three months ago and then you find out there's a show on lennox on netflix called lennox
hill that is like a real life gray's anatomy so you switch it over and you watch a little bit of
lennox hill but then you realize you're eating dinner and it's graphic brain surgery so you're
like maybe i don't want to watch lennox hill but you're addicted to the graphic brain surgery so
you watch it until the brain surgery is over then you go back and you're like i could watch gray's anatomy which is
a fake lennox hill so you watch that for a while then you start to kind of feel like a coward
because you aren't watching the real show with the real surgeries but before you switch back to
lennox hill you want to see what happened to meredith and derrick like did she propose or
did he propose that's the reason and then you go back to
lennox hill and now they're showing you a woman who's going to have a bypass and you're like well
i don't if this is bad news i don't want to know this is real this isn't a fictional show that
bring you down so you're going to go back to gray's anatomy but before you do you're like i
gotta wait to see what happens with this woman who's gonna have a bypass and then it works and
then you're happy and then you go back to gray's anatomy and you just kind of go back and forth
until you take some zeke will and go to sleep because that's
what you've been doing lately i can't imagine they put someone dying on the on the one that's
still show yeah so basically the way it works is if you pick third in the first round you pick first
in the second round and we all pick together in the five-ish round so that's good eddie what the
fuck are you talking about that hasn't happened in a while where i'm like, thanks, Eddie. I don't know what I'm talking about, man.
I'm just spewing nonsense.
Yeah, it looks like you're holding the kite string, but you're not, man.
That thing's just flying around up there.
No, I don't know what's going on.
What am I doing?
That's the scary.
Whenever we decide to record, I'm like, oh, man, I got to.
And I don't know what to do with any of these.
The topics are the fun things.
It's trying to think of a draft, a way to explain it toid until he understands it one of these days i still don't understand it i
barely get it i barely get it i barely get it i fucking barely get it dude i don't get that shit
at all i fucking barely get it we're not talking about late night writing are we all right hey
that i get a lot dude that actually get a lot dude That'd actually get a lot, dude. But I get your explanation. Like the way the San Diego zoo barely bought those beluga whales from us.
Sure.
Did you sell them those two turtles that were boning that Zach and I saw?
Cause I hope you did.
Cause that was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.
I still,
sometimes I'll watch that video and just die laughing.
Just to what noise were they making while they were fucking?
It's, just die laughing just to what noise were they making while they were fucking it's ridiculous you sound like five ish finkel having a nightmare when you make that noise sean now that you know how a serpentine draft works what will the order of today's draft be
me i go first david goes second ian goes third Sean, now that you know how a serpentine draft works, what will the order of today's draft be? Me.
I go first.
David goes second.
Ian goes third.
Hop corner.
All right.
Ian Carmel, for the record.
Go Sean, David, Ian.
Which means, Sean, you have the first pick in the Movies That Have Aliens
and the All Fantasy Everything draft.
And we will get to that first pick
right after this short break.
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atoms coming together to make the shape this is the only place for it the only place anywhere
in all of existence where atoms cooperate to make a larger shape than those atoms this is it
so fucking strap in sean in the interest of keeping things uh as crisp
as possible what is the first pick this is really tough because i don't i know where you guys are
going first you don't know i'm not gonna go there i do i know exactly where you don't know a
motherfucking thing i'd bet the fuck out of here i sleep in a briefcase bro you didn't know that
until just now i'm a bolivian citizen you keep
talking to me like that you say go to bed one more time it's gonna be in bolivian body bag
i wrote and directed three seasons of seventh heaven dude you don't know anything about me
i knew that i don't know three david boris to be this iteration you're like don draper is that what
that i didn't ever watch that happened on that show yeah yeah well he doesn't anyway so my first
pick i made three million dollars off of pickles before i even start a comedy yeah right yeah let me get that i'm heir to the johnson
johnson fortune only the baby oil cash that's a fucking fact dude that's my man he just got out
of prison like 10 10 weeks ago it's pretty tight i took all the right whales in the world and
replaced them with wrong whales dude and i did that before the age of six.
All right?
Acting like you know me.
I'll stop, man.
My first pick. I eat all my eels I eat all my eels on a
monorail. You think I was going to say
meals?
All my meals? You know, eels are
supposed to help the
crumb rock up. The crumb? What are you
doing? Are you jerking off eels no it's
beating off is that what you're doing oh look at i fell skating yesterday yeah cool on an audio
podcast they get it they get it they get it do your first pick to your first pick
with my first i have never been more than three feet away from a top hat my entire life
you were you got a little top hat piercing on your penis, so it's always right there.
It's got a little...
A little top hat earring just hanging there.
Spirit of 76.
All right, what's your first pick?
I'm sorry.
Shout out to whoever made that picture of you as a cat, by the way, because that is
exactly what you would look like as a cat.
Big shouts.
Yeah, dude.
Big kitty.
Big kitty.
Independence Day. Okay, yeah. Absolutely kitty. Big kitty. Independence Day.
Okay, yeah.
Absolutely.
Of course.
Is that where you thought we were going?
No, no, no.
I know where.
I know.
That's where I thought you were going, though.
You have no idea where we're going.
I do, too.
I know where David's going, and if David doesn't go there, I know where you're going.
And I will tell you if I'm wrong, but I'm not.
All right.
Anyway.
I believe you'll be honest with me.
Well, there's only one second choice is the thing.
I know that. I only have one place i can go i know anyway
independence day it's i you have to you gotta go if you're like do i want the actual best movie
about aliens don't want this to be a fun movie with aliens in it or what do i want an independence
day is uh it's ensemble cast which is fantastic great ensemble cast it's one of
these it's like i don't know what the term is but like a lot like a longer movie that chronicles a
whole situation i know that's what all movies do but where this is like all right it's gonna take
us a longer movie
it's like we meet these characters and it's gonna sound like every fucking movie in the world
what's a movie that's not like that i've never seen porno those are the
even that it was good but they chronicled maybe three-fourths of the situation yeah i don't think
i don't think they really explored what was going on like what was that poor guy's motivation if anyone comes at me calling me stupid or saying i can't read
you're gonna wreck my day you're not stupid at all it's just like uh it's like uh that's like
a hot drink that tastes great and it'll get you there it's a it's a longer it's a longer movie
that chronicles a situation that's exactly that's how they pitched it will smith came in the room he said i got an idea
it's a longer movie and chronicles an entire situation here's 200 million dollars
yeah done well done done we need the merch merchandising rights we uh-oh we got our ears
to the street randy quaid's on board jeff goldblum in he likes the chronicle aspect vivica a fox in we got our
roger judd hirsch and it's a longer movie that chronicles the situation all right yeah absolutely
which bill is in it is it the pole man the pole man did yeah the pole man's in it what do you what
do you what are some other i really like glad like uh not like it's like i don't want anyone to think
we're ever making fun of you because when they know god damn it no we know
you're smart anybody thinks that it's insane i said anyone thinks sean is stupid i invite you
to come i invite you to come uh wash jeopardy with us and have your fucking pants pulled down
all right hard to find i invite you to come say it to my face we'll see what stupid lights it out
my friend all right none of chucks did went 12 round with the champ. It's actually Nunchaku.
Nunchaku. I don't know what I'm
trying to say. It's like a movie like
Say a Gladiator where it just... Like an epic
movie. Yeah. Yeah, like an epic
movie. Yeah, that movie was epic
as fuck. You made it sound like a...
It's not like... Oh, it's so good.
It's different than some of these other movies we're gonna
take you meet. There's
a bunch of different plot lines.
They all converge.
There's one thing that everybody has to overcome.
Otherwise, they're all gone.
I don't really know how to say it.
It's like as opposed to like a quiet bedroom movie about a divorce, like that kind of thing.
Yeah, it's not like Story of Us.
It's like Independence Day.
Are those the only two movies you've seen recently?
No, I've seen High i've seen high fidelity a bunch too it's not like a movie that says robert i can't do this anymore like it's not that kind of movie
yeah it's just uh it's just the to me the best movie that's what i was looking for you knew that
when you married me it's not a film where somebody says and you will remember the titans yeah that's that's a very
specific movie i watched remember the titans the other night because i've been listening to the
scrubs podcast and donald feijan mentioned that he was on it which i forgot and i watched it again
soft j into donald feijan's i think he did you hit him with the dijon j i like that
yeah by the way dijon j is a good name. Dijon J? Dijon J?
That guy hangs out with Chinese Jamal.
You know what I'm telling you?
Dijon J and Chinese... No, I can't go to fucking Arby's right now.
Dijon J and Chinese Jamal are in there.
Those guys hang out a lot,
but whatever Chinese Jamal is giving the state of the Arby's address,
Dijon J has to go to a different location,
so you can't kill him at the same time.
I can't be in the same room with those two because I owe them each a kidney.
So I don't know how that's going to happen.
I don't want to be a gossip, but have you ever seen DeAndre and Gary Coleman in the same room together?
Never in my life.
I meant to say Ving Rhames, but I blanked out.
I don't know why Gary Coleman was my replacement for Ving Rhames.
I think Gary Coleman is coming back around.
For a while, Gary Coleman was definitely a hack reference when we were in middle school or whatever yeah but like
now it's fucking i think it's back dude it's fine you just brought it back is he dead yeah i think
so yeah independence day how'd you guys get from Independence Day to Gary Coleman? Well, listen to this five-minute section of our podcast.
It was a long-
Ask Dijon Jay in Chinese Jamal.
Yeah, he died in Provo, Utah, so-
What?
There you go, yeah.
That's all I know.
That's all I know about Gary Coleman's death, dude.
Holy shit, that's how they got Capone.
The government thinks he died in Provo, Utah.
We know he fell out of a plane about 3,000 feet over Bolivia rainforest, but-
But the government thinks he died in pro
independence day independence day it's perfect i watch it still uh when it's one of those movies
when it comes on it ain't it ain't turning off like if i found that that was on netflix right
now i'd go watch it i'd stop doing the podcast i'd go up and watch it right now that was one of the
first movies that was one of the first summer blockbusters i remember being like i remember
sitting and watching with my back when all the dudes in my family would like you know we'd all
like sit and watch a movie before our family like all broke off and hated each other when all the
dudes would get together that was one of the first movies would be the opposite of independence day that would be yeah yeah those plot lines would be yeah that movie
would be called millard miller light and what it does to a family it's all miller light miller
light dude what um that was one of the first movies where it was like i'm at subway and for
some reason everything has independence day all over yeah yeah that marketing campaign was they had toys yeah it was like that that shit was
everywhere yeah jeff goldblum does a lot of great stutter work in that movie too that's like that to
me that's like the birth of stutter work yo he's like he stuttered so Hugh Grant could mumble. Does that make sense?
That's so funny.
Yeah, that makes complete sense.
That makes complete fucking sense.
Oh, what's the dude's name?
You already said it, but the guy.
This guy, David.
Oh, Harvey Fierstein.
Yeah, Harvey Fierstein's in there.
That was how I found out who he was. You look just like mom.
Yeah. I've got to him about a few
times sean i believe you've done his podcast uh i saw where they i saw where he makes the hot sauce
too boy it was sick what is that a euphemism or what what are we talking about yeah dude he beat
off in front of me it was gnarly hey uh he came up with a sketch idea where and the whole sketch was an office full of harvey
firesteins and it was just everyone who worked there was harvey firesteins so they'd like pick
up the phone hello and then it's like tell him i'm not here he's not here right now who ordered
the ruben i did no i did but there's two rubens like there's
that kind of very funny ideas a very funny man yeah it's a good movie would you say will smith's
best movie oh shit no i wouldn't no i would not either i would not either where we're assuming
his best doesn't have aliens in it what would would you say? Six Degrees of Separation. That's a really good one.
I think that's his best acting.
Chandra Dawson.
I mean, I was going to say Bad Boys 2 because I love it.
I think I might go with this one.
I think I might go with Independence.
I don't think he's the best in it.
I guess it's two different questions.
He's good in this movie, though. But he's the best in it I guess it's two different questions He's good in this movie though
But he's definitely
Playing Will Smith
Yeah he is he's not acting
It's a question like
What's the I don't know
Well then you got like Pursuit of Happiness
He's acting seven pounds he's acting
And he's great in those Pursuit of Happiness is
Fantastic cause he's not playing
Will Smith Bad Boys 2 he's not playing will smith bad boys too he's being
he's playing will smith and it's awesome yeah for sure and in this he's like a toned down version
of that and yeah i don't know he just rules he just makes everything better he's really yeah i
mean when we were hanging out i was telling him i was like dude you know i've met will smith yeah
yeah you and every other comedian except for me and ian i mean it was ian was
actually i have met him several there's pictures of me with him yeah a couple times but there are
i had to go film the cbs hit game show game on he uh yeah so i'll tell him what you think about him
is what yeah independence day also i love how like that movie just takes you on this journey
where oh they are in this alien spaceship and they are docked with the mothership and then the
mother didn't you just watch seven star wars movies yesterday david i'm sorry i'm sorry i did
i did they might come up but that's those aren't set where there's like uh you know the world where
there's a gap in a barnes and noble and in this there is so this is set in like this world and
then they just get a ship and i love how you don't think there's a gap in a barnes and noble
in star wars no somebody hasn't read the books i don't know No, I read a book about ICP recently.
It actually used to stand for Inner City Posse.
I don't know if you knew that or not.
No, I didn't know that.
Also, the other piece of information I retained is that Disney put out an ICP record once
and then recalled it from the shelves.
I bet they did.
That blows my mind.
I bet they'd like to not recall that memory of having put that record out.
Yeah, man.
Independence Day. Independence Day. Great pick. Absolutely perfect. David, time for your first pick. Easy. to not recall that memory of having put that record out yeah man independence day absolutely
perfect david time for your first pick easy the fifth element oh yeah had to do i was wrong i
didn't see you going there really no i talked about not this not this early but yeah i feel
like that's first or second round talent on this podcast with the three of us in here yeah it is it is i fucking love that movie
lulu dallas multi-pass chris tucker gives i think his best performance in a movie i'm not i yeah i
don't once again rush hour he's just being chris tucker ruby rod is a crazy character and he kills
it it's so funny his delivery's so great like oh yeah i think i think
it's i think it's no question you know who i love that movie is fucking gary oldman's weird ass
gary oldman is great that crazy head plate shit he just starts bleeding he's got like a weird sort
of doesn't he have sort of like a weird i'm outer Texas accent? Yeah, Texas space. Space Texas is what we call it.
Texas outer space.
Outer space Texas accent.
Gary Oldman can act, dude.
Yeah, dude.
That guy fucking kills it.
I think Mila Jovovich is really good at it.
Ladies and gentlemen, Hugh Grant's on the podcast.
I didn't.
London Bridge is falling down.
Terribly sorry.
I'm a little teapot.
Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Javavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavav you know can i be honest i made my list so hastily that fifth element did not
find its way on there oh that hurts yeah i mean towards the top of mine to be an obvious mistake
but yeah it didn't it it did not show up mistake and it's like i love it because it's like that uh
what do you call that shit where it's like it's not like all cgi it's just like shot
a little longer does it chronicle anything i gotta ask you this is does it chronicle a story
where does it fall on that dichotomy i mean it fits the juxtaposition of the conjecture
i don't like the dichotomy of this conjecture
i don't i don't i don't know i stroked I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm talking about.
It's alright.
I love it. I had a bagel today, so it's like
we're all playing with different decks.
You've got a magic card. I've got
poker. I'm sitting on all these
grapes in my guts.
I've got grape guts.
Is that grape blood?
Yeah. My shit's thick.
I've got grapes in my guts?
I don't know what kind of spin-off that's going to produce, but it's not going to be pretty. Yeah. My shit's thick. I got grapes in my guts. I got grape guts.
I don't know what kind of spinoff that's going to produce, but it's not going to be pretty,
I don't think.
There's going to be a backdoor pilot.
And let's just say this one is liquid.
It's a backdoor pilot for this new show, Goobers. It's going to be...
The other thing I like about Fifth Element, original original it's not a part of like some ip
you know they didn't yeah yeah it's just it's just a weirdo space movie out of nowhere luke
besan wrote it that french that french dude who did like the professional stuff too oh really
with leon and natalie yeah yeah yeah i don't know i love that yeah i love that movie it's fun
bruce willis kills it.
I love the blue lady.
Yeah, it's just...
Where she does that weird arm thing with her amazing voice.
Tiny Zeus Lister is in it as the president.
Oh, that's right.
Years before Barack Obama.
Years.
You don't get Barack Obama without Tiny Zeus Lister playing the president in the fifth
I've been telling everybody that.
Don't get there.
David has been telling a lot of people that.
Yeah, I got a blog about it.
Sometimes when they didn't ask, and sometimes we don't know him, sometimes at a gas station
he'll just tell people that.
We got kicked out of the Outback once because you wouldn't stop bringing it up.
Yeah, you know.
Well, there's a lot of reasons we got kicked out of the Outback.
I'm a Zeus fan.
Yeah.
Oh!
Do you know what I wish was real from that movie?
You know that, like, noodle boat? That floating noodle boat that pulls up to Bruce Willis' apartment?
Oh, that just came up to his house?
Oh, my God.
Dog.
Dog.
I realize that's based on like real noodle boats that are in some part of the world, but like, dude, if they were just like.
To my house.
So bad.
It looks so.
If I could just have authentic noodles just at my window.
You just lean out?
Yeah, I'll take all of that.
And three of those.
Let me get that.
Let me get that duck that's hanging up, too.
You guys ever fuck with that duck in the window?
No, I've never had.
You never had duck?
I had duck one time with you when we went to where Nampe was there.
Best Buy.
There was a duck in the parking lot. Me and ampe started fighting over it like rabid dogs you guys
you guys had a sidewalk grill and then we ate it and then we went in and bought all seasons of
entourage even though they're streaming on hbo because we wanted to hang them up on the wall
and show them off to the three women we invited over later that night what if the system collapses
then we don't have entourage come on get out of here yeah i gotta save this for future generation
the case streaming goes away what a fucking anonymous hacks hacks hbo that's fine duck is
good i've had like i press duck is delicious man yo they used to have it on my block uh in san
francisco like the one hanging in the shit oh yeah man oh i love some window duck chop that shit up
give it to me i'll eat it on the BART train.
I don't give a fuck.
Just eat the duck?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I love it.
Fifth element.
Excellent pick.
Fifth element.
Time for my first pick.
And Sean, I imagine you do know where I'm going to go with this.
I was debating.
It's been brought up before.
I was debating which one of the franchise to go with.
Since we are picking movies that have aliens in them,
I have to go with the best alien version of this.
I have to go with the original Star Wars,
the first Star Wars.
I was wrong.
Which one?
Really?
That's interesting.
I wonder what you think I was.
It'll come up.
Oh, it probably will.
The original Star Wars,
fucking fantastic.
So many cool aliens in it.
And the reason I took that
out of all the Star Wars movies is that's the one that has Mos Eisley Cantina in it.
You're picking New Hope?
It's just called Star Wars, bro.
Is it not a new hope?
It is a new hope.
It's a new hope.
Yeah.
After they started making more, right?
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah.
Star Wars, a new hope.
The first one.
The very first one that ever came out.
Fucking Mos Eisley Cantina
is like the best alien scene
in almost any movie. There's so many silly
little aliens in there. There's aliens
playing the music. I like that music.
That was the first time that like,
that an alien was like,
where they were on the same level as what you look at a human.
These aren't like gnarly
gonna come rip your guts out alien. These are like just dudes getting shit-faced and you're like no sometimes
like an alien does your taxes you know what i mean like that's the situation that's the world
i want to live in sometimes an alien's scared of you you're you're tougher than them and you know
so yeah oh shit oh shit it's a dude you know and they scurry away there's not one alien in
mose eisley who just looks like the
devil you remember that like they thought they could get that past us that's just the devil
george lucas why is he in the fucking bar on the tatooine is that where did tatooine tatooine
tatooine yeah chewbacca's an alien dude he's an alien from kashuk he's in that movie he's a
fucking sick alien uh i don't
think they're all technically aliens no nobody's from earth in that joint right no that's the
tricky thing about star wars is like are they aliens but i think i mean i think we're calling
like anyone doesn't look like a person an alien okay absolutely yeah yeah yeah yeah star i fucking
love star wars dude that was like my shit in middle school they are
so good i didn't i honestly i was that was one of the first things i was a real like oh you're a
fucking dork i don't like that i'm too cool for that that was one of the first things star wars
i didn't like it until cut to 30 years later yeah i watched seven in a row i didn't like it until
they until they re-released them in the theaters that was the first time i really took notice after fandom after the prequels came out they re-released all of the originals and then
stink eye and i went and i was like oh yeah these are these are really really really good and then
i've obviously got super into it but i never liked it before listen we're not going to break
any news about star wars on this podcast, but that'll probably be fucking... We aren't going to cover a ton of new ground.
That's probably my favorite.
My second pick, perhaps this is where you thought I was going.
I'm going to take Predator.
Bam. Great.
Yeah.
Not the Predator I thought you were going to take, but okay.
No, I didn't think you were going to do that.
You thought I was going to take a fucking kevin spacer movie
i thought i'd be safe i thought i'd get that in all the way back to me i really thought i'd get
all the way back no that's like i'm upset that's the first one that pops in your head
you kind of forget that predator's an alien though no you don't look at that mouth what
that mouth i know we talked about bolivia so, and you thought we weren't going to take Predator?
You're one ugly motherfucker.
Ugly motherfucker.
It's so...
Dude, Predator is scary as shit, man, because he's like nine feet tall.
Yeah.
He's what you think about when you think about an alien where you're like, yeah, just bigger,
bucker, stronger, gnarlier.
More like a crab than I happen to be
yeah
more fangs than I have more fangs
more that one noise
I can't even do it
do it Sean
that barely was audible did you guys hear it
yeah
it kind of sounds like a kitty purring if there's a thin line between my predator and a purring kitty That barely was audible. Did you guys hear it? Yeah.
It kind of sounds like a kitty purring.
There's a thin line between my predator and a purring kitty.
I wouldn't know if it was a thin line. I don't know if it was a thin line.
It sounded like sex.
Yeah, dude.
That's why I laughed like that.
That's my favorite Will Smith movie.
A thin line between a predator and a purring kitty.
Him and Jada.
Unreleased.
Let me tell you about some of the actors' names in this movie, dude.
I mean, like, we know some of them, but Arnold Schwarzenegger, of course.
Carl Weathers, of course.
El Dipia Carrillo, who plays Anna.
That's Anna.
Bill motherfucking Duke is in this movie, dude.
Jesse the Body Ventura.ura sunny the body landham
shane the body in a second wait a second somebody's last name is landham
it's pronounced landham but i went with landham damn it okay it's spelled landham i love that
that's billy yes honey landham is billy dude sven all thorson is the soviet
is the soviet military advisor in it okay sven ola sven ola sven olsen dude it's got fucking
it's got three governors in it wait that is fucking crazy you think they dropped that
two governors two governors you think they thought that when they were on set like
probably they were so gnarly office that like they're just sitting they're talking about land
use ordinances and shit like that i think it's because i wonder which which came first running
man or predator because they were both in in each so oh yeah that's just me i it's hard to say what
the prototypical arnold schwarzenegger movie is and a lot of people are going to go to Terminator
and like maybe it is but
I kind of think this one or like
maybe even Commando but like
I like Commando
this one is Get to the Chopper
this one is straight up Get to the Chopper
and that's this one for sure
this movie is just like
this movie has like more glistening muscles
than maybe like any other
it's just full of wet, big men.
Oh, yeah.
Let me tell you what that movie did for the baby oil community.
This is a big baby oil movie.
Huge baby oil movie.
Big baby oil movie.
Huge.
Huge.
This thing got Johnson & Johnson.
This got them out of an economic downturn.
Yeah, absolutely.
After the baby powder fiasco of 81?
Get out of here.
We were right back.
They thought it was curtains.
We were right back.
Just a very, very young D'Angelo like that.
I want a body like that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'm tiny.
This is like the buffest, most glistening movie ever made, possibly.
Yeah, that's a buff-ass movie.
Even Predators buff and glistening, dude.
I'm sorry, what's arm wrestling?
Where they arm wrestle with no table
where they just meet each other and they arm wrestle in the air
and you're like you guys are so strong
and glistening yeah dude
Carl Weathers shout out to Weathers
they're just wet all the time what's crazy about that is they're in better
shape than any of us I'm not that wet
why are they so wet
it's just a constant
it's a metabolism thing
it must be it's just a body produces it's own oil shouldn. It's a metabolism thing. It's just a constant.
The body produces its own oil.
Yeah.
Shouldn't they be less wet than me?
They should be dry.
Those dudes are like fucking Kuwait of humans.
That movie, when Mac sees the Predator and sort of outsmarts it a little bit, when he's
spying on Predator and you're like, okay, so they're kind of human.
They're just making like, okay, you can sneak up on predator it's just
really hard so you can do it you can but it's real hard keep in mind really hard to do and it's
fine phil duke is a cool looking dude he's got like a lot of character in his face oh yeah yeah
he'd be what is he a detective in menace or am i crazy he's in dmx at once uh is he in dmx at once yeah yeah
he plays the detective in something i don't think it's the menace cop but he'd just be very
intimidating he is that's him yeah you know you fucked up right yeah yeah that guy that's oh yeah
he's scary right even predator is a big buff dude that's what's so fun it's just this movie's just
a big buff dude as well he's wet too this movie's just a bunch of big wet men fighting in the jungle it's it's it's real wet
87 yeah it's that's a live crew album that was never released yeah yeah it was just it was the
live album actually yeah wait a minute david time for your second pick my second pick is going to be
ooh baby ooh baby i'm gonna make it light-hearted right now okay i'm gonna i'm gonna have a fun
romp i'm picking lilo and stitch there it is who are you i have it on my list too i thought i
could get that late yeah that's easy lilo and also stitch bro yeah lilo and stitch ohana means family uh my my second
favorite disney movie to take place on the hawaiian islands you like you like uh moana more
the music is so good the music is so good
lilo and stitch is cool lilo he's a surfing he's a surfing fucking alien and i just
like the story he was supposed to be a weapon and then lilo was like no you have a family
it's really it's it's one of the early like um it's one of the new guard disney movies 2002
oh yeah it's basically the plot line of the mother and
stepfather from baby boy but just is like a platonic a platonic hawaiian couple yeah
it samples it samples maybe a lot of samples yeah yeah baby boy comes it it uh it reflects
on a lot of things that you don't that you don't see
it made my list for some reason i saw ving rames but tell me he's from earth
there's the subtext that ass is out of this world
don't tell anybody i told ving rames and said that don't tell ving rames i said that he knows
for sure listens dude he like you think his backdoor pilot didn't go off when you just whenever someone says it that happens dude he farts he farts he rips butt
sean time for your second and third picks as it is uh my second pick i'm going aliens
aliens aliens aliens that's the one in the future right like we're ripley super old no what aliens is the
second one yeah there's one where she's super old i think you're thinking of like well i don't want
to say aliens is the second one where yeah she's super ripped is that the iconic scene where it
come where it comes out and it's like dripping yeah where the second mouth comes out it's like
cameron one where it's like more of a it's like more of a war movie than that, right?
Yeah.
Is that accurate?
Yeah.
It's so gnarly and good.
And that alien scared the shit out of me when I was a kid.
Yeah.
That was a scary ass alien.
Yeah.
That's a wet villain too.
That thing is soaked.
Oh, it was so wet.
All the time.
I heard Geiger's whole thing.
The guy, or I read somewhere that like everything about alien was supposed to be sex.
That makes sense.
Like everything's like phallic and penetrative.
Thing is wet.
I'll tell you.
It is wet.
It's always laying eggs and like bursting out of people.
Like it's all very sexual.
When I have sex, I like to go somewhere and lay a lot of eggs.'s that's how i get down yeah yeah oh yeah i mean i'm spreading them around
yeah that alien was so fucking scary it did it looked like a dominatrix with like a second mouth
that came out yeah that guy must have been so stoked when he thought of the second mouth he
would have been he probably like skipped down to the dinner table and was like honey yeah i thought of it it's one mouth and then a second smaller mouth comes out poor chops
i want a divorce they started for house hunting we're moving to the big neighborhood
the geigers are coming up in this world you know how you said you can't make an alien that's just
wet and that's its whole thing well i thought of a second thing it's got two mouths and she's like honey i love you yeah that wet mouth comes out of a wet stomach
and so it's wetter than the original mouth hr and linda geiger just sitting around sitting around
the dinner table yeah dude i uh i don't know i just that those aliens terrify me it's shot all
cool it's all dark it's terrifying because you're on a ship you know it's just that those aliens terrify me. It's shot all cool. It's all dark.
It's terrifying because you're on a ship.
You know, it's just you texted David and I before this.
And you said, by God is my witness.
I will take a movie that has Paul Reiser in it.
That's true.
I got receipts.
I do.
And I don't want I don't want this fun loving, cool Paul Reiser that you're all used to.
I want a devious kind of businessman.
Paul Reiser.
You're the only person who's ever said that.
I want a paul riser
i don't want this fun loving charming hilarious affable paul riser that you got an agenda yeah
this one's not to be fucked with uh this movie got nominated for seven oscars did you know that
shit no i mean any uh i think i mean if you
get nominated for seven let me look uh it won sound effects editing and visual effects but
sigourney weaver so no then is what no it didn't no but like somebody who wears circle glasses has
an oscar that says aliens on it you know what i mean just some sound designer wildest shit that
three six has an oscar sitting on their shelf. Fuck yeah, dude. Sigourney Weaver does not, but she was nominated for this movie.
Sigourney.
Not enough Sigourneys, not enough 5-ishes.
That's true.
If you name your kids Sigourney and 5-ish,
Sean David and I will help you raise those children.
I got 5-ish on it.
I'll do whatever you want.
We got 5-ish.
I'll put Sigourney on it.
Dude, it's great.
It's such a good movie, Aliens.
Yeah.
I'm going to watch Aliens tonight. Yeah, I think it happened. They're all on HBO. puts the gorny on it dude it's great it's such a good movie aliens yeah i don't watch aliens
tonight yeah that's it is it happened they're all on hbo even the even the shittier ones
send me some login info for the home box office aliens and your third movie
my third movie i will pick um i'm gonna do me my third movie i'm gonna pick the faculty oh with usher
raymond yes with usher that's one you could have gotten away later my friend i don't care yeah you
could have got that last i thought that movie was super fun i'm gonna get a shittier one last i
would have taken baby boy first yeah and just love first yeah i remember going to see it in the
theater and i was so pumped on it was just a fun weird alien movie and uh again another ensemble
cast josh hartnett was up in there usher was up in there jordana brewster's up in there
clay duval's up in there i believe it's pronounced the faculty the faculty
you can faculty off.
You want to keep giving me shit about it.
I'm ready to catch the music about it.
Also, I picked it to make Twitter fun again for a second, so we can just get in a little weird rivalry about how I shouldn't have picked that third.
I don't care.
Tweet at me about it.
Let's make some fun with it.
I mean, yeah, I will.
I will tweet at you about it. Oh oh you don't have to i'm saying no
i'm not listening no yeah fine let's as soon as josh hartnett josh hartnett man i like that one
of the best gap tooths in the game oh yeah way up there there's a great gap tooth jim carrey
josh hartnett yeah yeah bokeem woodbine for sure he's anytime i can so these aliens come to earth and they just like uh
they infect i think the gym coach who was in uh he played terminator 2 uh the guy at the t1000
the guy with the the guy with the t1000 guy with the big ears yeah yeah he played the gym coach
and i'm pretty sure he got a great guy to have play a gym coach. Yeah, dude.
But also an alien.
Yeah, he is an alien.
He looks like he was born wearing a sweatsuit, though.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
But like that one, like the gym teacher sweatsuit.
He's that kind of gym teacher that like straight up hates fat kids.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's mad at you.
He'll be like, the president said you should fucking run this mile, you fat bitch. He calls you a fudge barge in front of everybody yeah yeah he's like all right you can walk the mile but everyone else
in the class is gonna keep running while you finish walking and you're like and i'm gonna
give him these water balloons yeah i want you to feel bad tubby he calls you titty boy and he has
no idea who two Chainz is.
No, no, no, no.
He doesn't even listen to rap.
He's a country and western guy.
Exclusively, exclusively.
So what happens in the faculty?
That guy's mean to fat kids?
I think we just wrote the fat cult team.
The fat cult team is the name of the new...
Same cast.
Same fucking cast transformed his body for this one though yeah yeah yeah you like what christian bale did for the machinist wait till you see what usher did for the fat culty
fat culty is this your favorite usher movie that has aliens in it
yeah yeah it is not my favorite usher movie but it is my favorite usher movie that has aliens in it? Yeah. Yeah, it is. Not my favorite Usher movie, but it is my favorite Usher movie that has aliens in it.
What's your favorite Usher movie?
She's all that.
Oh.
Yeah.
He's the voice of the high school radio DJ that somehow has a job where you're like,
no, this is high school, bro.
Anyway, the gym teacher gets infected by an alien and then they start start like, I think they inject all the other students.
They call them in like they're doing some sort of screening.
And then the students go in and then they come out like aliens.
And so Josh Hartnett is like a low level high school drug dealer who has one of those movie drugs where it's like, yeah, some high school kid made this drug up.
And now everyone in the school loves the drug.
Oh, everyone's doing spaz or something like that.
Oh, by the way, sorry. That's like a terrible word in england and i just found that out and over here it just means like a dork spaz i didn't know that you know what fanny means is it like
fanny does it mean the same no fanny just means vagina spaz is like can i take a spaz at a fanny
you should spaz is like the r word over there oh oh yeah really yeah i didn't know that it's hard to
program yourself from oh of course you didn't know that it's their fucking word they i mean
they have words they say that we can't say like uh like in it for example but like i've tried
nobody nobody likes it it's i felt very uncomfortable saying it but like uh yeah but
over here it's just like a fun word but anyway just a weird fact i brought up so that's
not what the drug is called but i know what you mean like a movie party drug where someone's doing
like rev or something it's called free biscuits yeah he uh so that drug turns out kills the aliens
so there's a part of the movie where there's like the six friends or whatever they're like all right
none of us are infected and they're like well we all got to do some fucking boink real quick and
then we gotta see so they all take a shot.
Then one of them refuses to do it.
It's just a fun teenage.
He won't do any spank?
Yeah, dude.
He won't do rip it, but he'll grip it.
That's crazy, dude.
You're sitting there.
All your friends are doing frog.
And you're not going to take a loaf?
All these are the names of dudes who used to hang out in the parking lot of my apartment
complex.
Hey, man. How much for one? Spank, frog. How much for one splooge? It's like 10 bucks a splooge. dudes who used to hang out in the parking lot of my apartment complex. Hey man,
how much for one spank frog?
How much for one splooge?
It's like 10 bucks a splooge.
That'd be so dang.
If you had the dopest drug and you named it like jizz or something,
would that be so dope?
For me,
everybody's blowing my phone up for this jizz.
Telling everybody, John Jordan, me everybody's blowing my phone up for this jizz telling everybody john jordan because you sold
jizz to children in this neighborhood you'll be going to prison for life without parole
what are you waiting for i sold splooge to some kids can't do it on a school grounds that's that's
that's that's how they get you they built the school near my house though so it's like i didn't
even know dude they hit me with the Rico over splooge.
Can you believe it?
I was so...
I think the Rico makes me splooge if you want to get into it.
I was so neck deep in splooge, I had no idea how old these kids were.
That's the beginning of the movie.
A kid comes up and says, can I get some splooge?
And then the voiceover, you're probably wondering how i got
here yeah that's right fast forward to rewind like five minutes ago and they just show him
getting arrested and telling him why the faculty which sounds to me like a parable about chlamydia
and antibiotics uh david time for your third pick uh My third pick, mentioned it multiple times on this podcast,
and I also wanted to go with a major franchise.
I'm picking Star Trek First Contact.
Wow.
There you go.
Which one is that?
That's the one where they go back in time to find the guy
who built the rocket ship or whatever,
who initially made first contact with aliens.
Oh, no, shit. I think I've seen that one. I think that's one of the only ones I've seen. the rocket ship or whatever who initially made first contact with aliens okay oh no shit i think
i've seen that one i think that's like one of the only ones i've seen the borg is also in it's like
a it's like a even if you don't fuck with star trek the movie is fantastic is it a william
shatner star trek is it what no it's it's it's uh what's his name is it anian carmel slash chris
pine star trek it's patrick stewart patrick yeah so it's that
it's it's the whole tng crew uh reicher wharf data jordy laforge that whole scene another pretty wet
villain yeah she man i mean i think i picked her and like you did i picked the board queen several
times weirdly way into it.
Alice Kreisch.
That's the actor's name.
That doesn't surprise me one bit.
Star Trek First Contact.
No, sorry, continue.
No, I was just going to say that is a good movie, but I was ready to get to talking about how you want to have sex
with an alien wearing latex.
I've never seen it. I've only seen one Star Trek
movie ever. Remember?
It's the one where she gets dropped into her body.
Like, they bring her, like, head in, and then she, like, and then starts walking.
She's cool.
She seems like a cool older lady.
Tight.
I mean, she's a villain.
She's very wet, but, like.
That's me.
I feel like I didn't anticipate the wetness that goes with aliens, but, yeah, of course,
there are a lot of wet aliens.
Oh, aliens are wet, even though we don't know if they have water it's because we're afraid of the ocean i assume no one's gonna take this
but remember that star trek movie where they have to go save a bunch of whales that was the only one
i've seen is the whale one which one is that it's like star trek five or something like that it's
like early on it's a shatner joint yeah i saw it when i was like six or some shit yeah star trek for the voyage home yeah the whale
one yeah i've never seen that one few of the humpback whales in the film were real this says
this factoid which means there were some real whales in that movie some real whales some fake
pretty ridiculous which means there were whales in sag before any of us were in it i'm still not i never will be i bet back in
sag and barry star trek first contact uh time for my third and fourth picks as it is a serpentine
draft it sure is bud damn there's some good movies that have uh aliens in them i am going to take the
first men in black damn it yeah fuck i was thinking about taking that last one and i was like nah let
me get the star trek off yeah come on man dude the men in that summer that fucking summer that summer dude that movie was
that whole fucking summer with that with that fucking that was like that was during the run
where you were like oh will smith can't lose summer can't lose he was it's 1997 dude the
same year as bar mitzvah do you think that's a mistake who in the world has a hit film like a summer blockbuster and then a number one single from
the movie will smith did that a couple times it's astonishing he's done that it's astonishing
here come the men in black because you never quite know where the m.s is at. It's so good. I know that you remember.
In 94, Tom Hanks wasn't like, hey, there, I'm Forrest Gump.
Running across the country.
What a weird song to remake.
Have you ever heard the original? Forget Me Not?
Yeah.
Send me, forget me not.
My friend Robbie, my best friend growing up, Robbie Andrews,
his dad went to college with the woman who sang that song.
Really?
Yeah, she went to USC apparently.
Shout out to her.
Yeah, man.
Men in Black's fantastic.
Men in Black.
I became a man in a yarmulke.
Same here.
Men in Black, men in a yarmulke.
Same summer.
Same summer.
That was a big summer.
It's a big summer for men.
same summer same 97 yeah that was a big summer it's a big summer for men dude awesome big summer for men thomas lemus jones linda fiorentino in that movie
i had such an intense crush on her such an intense crush on the fiorentina
i guess the love interest or whatever the woman that they're
protecting yeah yeah dude and vincent d'onofrio that's so not real you don't matter in a while
you're not even gonna be madder you're not gonna be madder yeah rip torn and tony shalib are in
that movie dude yeah tone tone shalib that fucking movie man it was so good it's it's really fucking it was
just like fun man it was like a fun like this world of aliens where they were all around us
again it was a thing where like you know there were gaps and best buys or whatever oh that shit
was everywhere and there's that like i've it's this is another type of movie it's one where it chronicles things and it's long
no but like the I guess I guess Harry Potter's kind of like this too but it's like you live in
the real world and then you are selected like it's a real the hero's journey it's a classic
you're special you're special now you come with us and we're going to show you the truth of like
all these magical machinations behind the real world well and then you know the sacrifice that you have to make like
you have to choose okay do i want to nobody i never get credit for anything i do you know yeah
and you just have to be for the greater good so you have to be a good person also what a good
combo man oh i know tommy lee that shit that shit that does that does real good together
i wonder if someone's job was on the line and then they're like all right you did it you're Will Smith and Tommy Lee? That shit, that shit, that does real good together.
I wonder if someone's job was on the line and then they're like, all right, you did it.
You're good.
You were on the chopping block.
Now you're great.
One of the top black guy, white guy action combos.
It's a great one.
I bet those two got a kick out of each other.
I bet those two had some fucking.
Oh yeah.
I bet you there were a couple nights.
At least a couple nights.
Some fucking nights. Like, hey, nights, at least a couple nights. Some fucking nights.
Like, hey, Smith, get out of the trailer.
Torn's taking us to a titty bar.
Oh, my God.
Going to a fucking.
We're going out with Torn.
Rip Torn, Tommy Lee Jones, and Will Smith, and that's your crew for the night?
That's a good fucking crew.
At fucking Deja Vu, they call him Tip Torn.
Yeah, Tip Torn.
Can't stop spending it.
Will Smith stumbled out wearing Tommy Lee Jones cowboy boot on his head dude sure did somehow he came out 20 grand richer don't ask
what happened in there he ripped it off tommy lee jones and gave it to the bartender goes make this
into a cement mixer and then he poured the whole thing in his mouth that's right out oh man you
walk into a titty bar you see rip torn tommy lee jones will smith what's
your next move i'm just hanging out i'm trying to get closer i'm playing checkers dude i'm like
yeah closer yeah bouncing tables i get closer closer yeah until i'm in the crew i would tell
him i'm uh i would tell him i'm dom deluise jr and they're not gonna do anything
no they just be looking over like dude bobby moynihan's here this is sick I'm telling them Dom DeLuise Jr. And they're not going to do anything.
No, they'd just be looking over like,
dude, Bobby Moynihan's here.
This is sick.
That's fine.
You got to tell Bobby Moynihan,
I feel that crew doesn't have any cachet, dude.
You got to go in weird.
You got to be like, I'm Dom DeLuise Jr.
No, okay.
Dom DeLuise III.
You call yourself Dom DeLa Threes.
Dom DeLa Threes.
Oh my God.
If I was somehow in the NBA, that would be my nickname dude dude what about dom de la reese that's another dude
touched by an angel
touched by some angel hair pasta
oh my god i feel like if you told someone you were dom de louise the third Oh, my God.
I feel like if you told someone you were Dom DeLuise III,
just the audacity of that, they would have to fucking hang out with you.
You have to believe it.
I know Dom DeLuise doesn't have a grandson. You're not being Dom DeLuise's great-grandson?
Weird lie.
That's crazy.
Dude, Dom DeLuise, breezy, breezy, beautiful cover girl.
That's me.
Oh, man. dude dom dell a threezy breezy beautiful cover girl that's me oh man okay men in black is my third pick with my fourth pick i gotta take it et the extraterrestrial yeah oh yeah yeah the the popular drew barrymore i couldn't pick it because i haven't seen it in
a long time it is on on Netflix right now, dude.
I know.
I started watching it the other day and I got about 10 minutes in and then went out and did something and then just I never came back to it.
But it is fantastic.
Went out and did something.
Went out and did something.
Did you perhaps take a one-way flight somewhere?
Did you perhaps hop on a double-engine propeller plane?
I didn't go to Bolivia i didn't go to bolivia if
that's what you're getting at you perhaps find yourself in sucre the capital of bolivia handing
someone an attache case no man i don't know i didn't dead if there's a lot of stuff i didn't
do but that's one thing i definitely didn't do you didn't find yourself in la paz at any at any
point you didn't hit la paz on et and then immediately fly to la paz
i don't think la paz is in bolivia i was you were just going off top i thought you had like
the bolivia wiki up or something no good job oh la paz is in bolivia i just looked it up
fuck yeah dude oh yeah i can't fuck with that blah uh bolivia wiki or sticky. Yuki. No, it's tricky.
ET.
It's just a fucking,
it's just like a,
I mean, again,
one of the original blockbusters,
Steven Spielberg fucking doing,
doing that.
Steven Spielberg shit.
Oh yeah.
Kathleen Kennedy in the early days.
He's early.
Kathleen Kennedy producing that.
Yeah.
But yeah,
Drew Barrymore,
super cute in it.
Like as a kid watching that,
cause it was just like
i mean one of those movies where it's like the kids know what's going on better than the adults
and like when you're a kid and you watch that thing and like it really it really i mean again
i'm not breaking any news here but like having grown up in the suburbs it kind of captured that
sense of like suburban adventure where like you and your friends would like hop on bikes or strap on rollerblades in my case and then just go get into something the blades are coming back blades are coming back
big dude i are not i saw i'm bringing blades up to the skate park oh my god i'm gonna be bummed
whatever one we go to i'm blading there dude i'm starting to convince these kids that i'm not just
some like weird old dude who still skates that i actually got a couple tricks in the bag if i show
up with you and rollerblades you're my man i'll do it well all that goodwill out the way it'll be
gone we'll have to buy i'm gonna pull up in a scooter and they're never gonna allow you back
i'll buy them spank dude whatever that's what i'm saying we're gonna have to show up with like
killer high school kid drugs and just be like, no, we're cool.
I'm throwing up with two ounces of boink.
Dude, I want to show up having been on the CBS game show Game On, all right?
They fucking can't tell me.
They got their ear to the streets.
I know they're.
I'm going to put those rollerblades on and say, you know what?
You know how I got these, right?
I was supposed to shoot a sketch with James Marsden, but we ended up scrapping it, but they let me keep the blades.
What's your name?
Kyle's great.
Cool, man.
My name's Ian.
And then I'm going to do some rollerblade tricks.
I did show up there with Kinane the other day, and I was thinking how funny it'd be
if one of them was like, holy shit, is that Kyle Kinane?
You showed up to the skate park with Kinane the other day?
He met up.
He's in the Tron right now.
He was.
Oh, was he?
Is he?
Mm-hmm.
Show up to the skate park with Kyle Kinane is like if we actually did have a rap group that would be one of sean's verses
just very reasonable things that he could do pull up to the skate park with kyle canane
after that we went to coffee bane i sat for about 40 minutes and tried a backside nose grind one eight. How did you get it?
Kyle, do you just watch?
It was, he showed up there and yeah, he, I was like, Hey, I got to land this before I
stop.
Otherwise I won't be able to start skating again.
Cause I'll be too sore.
So it took me like 40 minutes before I could go talk to him.
I came in, hang out there.
I'm, I have to do this.
I bet he was having a good time.
Yeah.
I mean, you're outside.
That's the thing with the
shit going on right now you're like yeah well i'm out somewhere that's great i'm not in man that's
cool uh c thomas howell drew barrymore fucking peter coyote dude peter coyote dude that's a good
name erica elaniac absolute brainiac dude uh et the extraterrestrial just like a fun movie like
especially when you're a
kid totally you know what i mean now it doesn't carry as much for you more nostalgia than anything
but fucking at the time get out of town the highest grossing movie ever for a while uh david
time for your fourth pick i can't believe i'm getting it fourth but i have to do it it is a
bad movie and guess what i don't give a fuck get your chance do your dance at the space jam whoa
i okay space jam was what i thought you two were gonna pick first i thought
both of you would pick space jam first i really didn't see how it made it best
it's not a good movie here's the thing i understand i like it i like it here's what i'm
saying i don't think i've ever been sitting in a movie theater
and been more jacked than the opening sequence of Space Jam.
That's a great point.
I don't think I've ever been more excited.
Like, just seeing all the commercials.
And I remember because my mom and her friend went to see, like,
Waiting to Exhale or some shit.
I was going to say, what'd they go see?
And me and her friend's son, Mike, we went and saw Space Jam.
And I just remember sitting down.
And you know, it starts all crazy.
You don't even see anything at first.
You just hear the Quad City DJs and just being like, oh, my God.
Everybody get up.
It's time to jam now.
We got a real jam going now.
Welcome to the space.
And then the guy's just like, hey, you, what you going to do?
And I was like, I'm going to fucking watch Space Jam and hit this.
I'm going to eat so hard I get a headache.
All these bonbons, dude, in the first five minutes.
Yo, I'm not pacing this shit.
Way to the exhale is Space Jam for moms whose feet hurt.
That's fair.
It does stand to reason.
That's fair.
That's what Whitney Houston said when it came out.
Yeah.
She said that on Joan Rivers, I believe who were just like oh my fucking feet hurt man yeah she said it on joan rivers also a great soundtrack two great soundtracks for real
that was a fucking amazing soundtrack yeah and and the waiting to exhale soundtrack is great
that's a lot of whitney right what's that yeah? Yeah, it has the... When you let him...
Yeah, but the big song, or the song I loved was Mary J. Blige, Not Gonna Cry.
Oh, yeah.
But, yeah.
Yeah, Space Jam, man.
I mean, it's a bad movie, but at the time, oh, my God.
The in-theater experience of that.
I remember how hard I laughed when Bill Murray was like,
Larry's not white.
He's clear.
Yeah.
Didn't even get it.
Didn't even get it.
No, but the cadence was all there.
He's a pro, man.
And it had everybody I wanted to see in a movie in 1997 or whatever year.
Like, it was all the basketball.
Muggsy Bogues, Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley.
Sean Bradley, dude.
Fucking Bradley.
That's awesome.
Sean Bradley's up in there.
Charles Barkley made that joke where he was like,
I promise if you give my powers back, God,
I'll never date Madonna again.
I laughed super hard at that for some reason.
Yo, that shit was hilarious.
They were so smart putting Muggsy and Seanadley in that because like they understood like like kids like basketball but like kids aren't getting stoked about like uh fucking
like zone defense or like somebody coming off a curl give us the weird bodies already
give me that seven foot six mormon dude and a guy named mugsy a tiny guy right next to him yeah
like that's also what made the Monstars look so cool, remember?
They were all those guys.
I'm really curious to see what this LeBron Space Jam looks like.
Listen, if it's anything, I watched the LeBron TV show,
that's Survivor's Remorse on Starz.
Really liked it.
Those guys know what they're doing, man.
You could tell the budget wasn't that big,
but the stories were on point.
They put people in positions to succeed. That's what they fucking... could tell it like the budget wasn't that big but it was like the stories were on point they put
people in positions to succeed that's what they fucking like people are like lebron has makes tv
shows it's like lebron's not in the writer's room suggesting like he's not breaking story
no people are like hiring the right people and putting them like but it was when you watch that
show a lot of it is like now we're talking about lebron's tv show it's just like a lot of
stuff i've never seen about like i've seen you see how many how many how much shit have you seen
about a young kid coming into the nba and they still had new shit i had never thought of on that
show fuck yeah space anyway space jam man yeah huge come on yeah yeah everybody uh sean time
for your fourth and then your final picks just a reminder the faculty is
already off the board yeah i know i'm picked it dog i'm picked that shit josh harden it it's my
man uh fourth pick i'm going with super eight i love that movie oh yeah it is continental breakfast
baby i have never seen super eight i might have to watch it tonight i've never seen it these kids
they are so so good at acting it is crazy the through line
like it starts with these little kids that want to make a movie they're just like out they're
little filmmakers and this one of them wants to be a filmmaker and then they catch a train wreck
on camera and he's just like oh my god this is great we caught that and we don't even pay for
it or anything and that's when like the alien wrecks in the train and it throws the whole town into turmoil like they put the town on lockdown my boy
kyle chandler is in it and it's much like et in the way that like these kids would be like all
right we're gonna handle this and then they go find the alien yeah and i think it is because
spielberg did it right i think it's kind of an homage to produce yeah jj abrams directed
yeah and wrote so i think and it's like a prequel to a different Alien movie that I like much less, but it's
fun to see the origin story.
And they never actually said it was.
You just kind of have to figure it out.
But anyway, I just, I thought it was fantastic.
The kids are amazing.
Kyle Chandler's in it.
I almost guarantee you we're not going to take the movie as a prequel to.
You can just say it.
Oh, yeah.
Cloverfield? Really? Oh, really? didn't know that that's that's the word so everybody oh it is
all like bad robot shit yeah that alien is supposed to be the monster in cloverfield
interesting have you seen bloodline i why just because you're you love kyle chandler so much of course i've seen okay
i haven't seen it but i was like i bet if i bet sean seen bloodline the only thing kyle chandler's
done that i haven't seen is his show morning edition that was like the tv show that he was
on back in the day where he would get a copy of tomorrow's paper so he could like try to prevent things to happen yeah i remember okay i
saw the look watch everybody's like oh i see the idea no yeah i remember i remember that was it on
cbs i think i think it was called morning morning edition or early edition it might have been i
would be dude if i had that power i would be walking around telling people what happened
in marmaduke the next day. Just ruin and ruin their days.
Oh, I'm a prick.
Marmaduke gets stuck in a fucking Volkswagen tomorrow.
Is that short for Marmalade Duke?
It has to be.
The Duke of Marmalade.
He was a Danish guy.
He was pretty great.
The Duke of Marmalade.
That's a fun combination of sounds. duke of marmalade the duke is good he's the duke of marmalade super eight dude you're a super
guy for picking it what's your final pick final pick uh nobody's gonna pick it but it's one of
my favorite movies of all time i decided not to pick the john boyega vehicle. I'm going to pick Little Shop of Horrors. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Sergeant Tisha Campbell.
Because it's got Audrey 2 flying in.
That's the alien, obviously.
But that movie is just so dope.
Bill Murray, Steve Martin, Rick Moranis.
It is such, such a good movie.
Is it a musical?
It's a musical.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's one of my mom's favorite movies.
So I watched it at Grip back in the day.
Hell yeah.
And yeah, that was one where I just just love the movie and when i realized it was
about aliens i was like oh fuck yes there i can pick little shop of horrors it's fantastic cover
to cover steve martin is the dentist uh bill murray as the patient in the dentist who doesn't
give a shit because he's gonna get a candy bar is one of the funniest things in a
movie ever.
Steve Martin's just trying to hurt him.
And he's just like,
I'm going to get a candy bar.
And he's got like gauze in his mouth.
It's so,
so good.
That's not suddenly Seymour is from this,
right?
Suddenly.
Standing beside me.
Oh yeah,
dude. Yeah. It's fantastic. Andick moranis can sing i'll tell
you what that's it i love it it's got that what are those what are the girls would you call it
morissette is that yeah that's like the best sandwich you can get in Canada?
God, we just opened up a restaurant in Canada by you saying that.
Miranda's Morris at Moose Jaw, Medicine Hat.
Brompton?
Is that a place, Marissa?
What?
Brompton?
Brompton?
Bremerton?
Brampton?
Brampton?
Brampton is a place.
Brompton is what YG calls it.
Brompton.
I was like, ew, weird time to do that.
I was thinking of Brampton.
That was the closest YG and Little Shop of Horrors
have ever been in a conversation.
No, he actually does love Little Shop of Horrors.
He does. Brompton. Brompton. Yeah, does love Little Shop of Horrors. That's what he does.
Brompton.
Brompton.
Yeah, man, it's a fantastic movie.
That's, yeah.
Great final pick.
David, your final pick?
I'm taking the John Boyega vehicle.
I'm taking Attack the Block.
Yeah.
I haven't seen that either.
You haven't seen it?
I'm going to watch those tonight.
No.
Watch Attack the Block way before anything else.
Yo, it's so much fun.
Dude, it's all about bros.
Yeah.
If you like to hear young kids yell,
we've got to get back to the block, bruv.
I do love that.
It's so good.
John Boyega kills it.
That movie's like real dope.
Real, real dope.
It's like Kingsman,
but they're younger bruvs
and it's about aliens.
It's so good.
It's so much fun beginning to end.
Because I remember I saw it,
my buddy found buddy like down my
buddy like found out that it was at south by southwest in like 2011 yeah it was like dude i
just downloaded this new movie about english kids and aliens and i was like that sounds whack and
then we watched it and i loved it attack the block is so good it was right in the heart of like
downloading movies oh yeah oh yeah i had to request it from
hollywood video they didn't have it it didn't come out in the theaters in sioux falls and it didn't
uh there was no way to get it so i i or no i had a netflix i had to have it mailed in portland
that's right i think adam and i watched it uh because there wasn't a place to rent it so we
just had it mailed through netflix and that was like might have might have been one of the first
netflix like back when you thought streaming wasn't going to take you're like yeah
fuck what i stream these movies when i could just get a mail to me and watch them send them
i was there i was at the company at the time i recall i know you were
not my happiest days you're out throwing down with me till four in the morning and then going
to work at six no my shift started at four dude we were
thrown down till two oh my god that was four and then that's whenever i think about these like
two these kids what am i almost 40 but like these comics who are like well you know i can't have a
job and i'm like boy if you want to be successful i will show you i will i will a to b i'll point
to you i mean if we start complaining about comedy right now,
it's going to go for it.
We're going to... I'm agreeing with you.
I'm agreeing with you.
I fucking like...
Hey, it's hard.
It's hard.
It's hard to do.
You have to like do a lot of things you don't...
No, no.
When I say do a lot of things you don't want to,
I don't mean the fucking shit that, like, the D'Lia or whatever,
people like those scum.
But, like, I mean, like, yeah, man,
I was fucking working 10-hour shifts at Netflix.
And they're going, like, it's hard.
Anyway, that's it.
I lived on a couch for four years.
You lived on a couch for four years.
Exactly.
Not in a cool way.
You know, like, I don't have health insurance.
Let's just go to sleep because I can't afford dinner.
We were just talking before this.
I made like six grand in the whole year of 2016.
Like, you're going to be broke, you know?
All right, but we're not going to be those old.
I know we are being old dudes.
We are being fucking old dudes.
If you're young doing comedy, figure it out.
It'll be great.
Don't fucking listen to me.
I didn't listen to anybody.
Look at me now.
Paying taxes.
When we do movie episodes, a lot of times we'll be like, oh, I'm going to watch that
tonight.
If you're going to watch a movie tonight, watch Attack the Block.
If there was more.
Any of these that you haven't seen.
It's so long before the faculty.
Yes.
Before the faculty.
It's going to be hard.
Because Zach's going to be pushing for the faculty.
He will.
Don't watch the faculty.
Watch Attack the Block. That is a Don't watch the faculty. Watch attack.
That is a fun word to say.
I'll tell you.
But watch attack the block.
You will love that movie.
And it is great.
And I bet now you probably see some people in there that, you know, in different ways.
I haven't really thought of that before.
Did anybody else from there make it out?
I thought it was just Boyega, but I'm not 100% sure.
Yeah, you might see a character actor or something. I don't know. But't uh isn't who's the girl isn't it like emily mortimer or something
i don't know actors well i think there's a famous lead woman in it i believe like you'll know but
anyway that movie fucking rules so emily mortimer for the newsroom yeah i think so the one punch
drunk love that girl or my nick frost out of my mind frost is in it
wow okay cool anyway yeah fuck yeah nick frost and you just watched frost nixon so i did i fucking
did just to clarify let's just be prepared to work really hard i mean like it's fun though it's
really fun hard work i hate that we sounded like old crotchety dudes for a second but like
you know, anyway.
Yeah, attack the block time for my final pick.
And goddamn, are there some fucking movies on the board?
I know there are.
This was tricky.
It's big.
This is such a, fuck.
I'm going to go, man.
I'm going to go.
So like, I've taken like really fun blockbuster-y ones so far.
And I'm going to go to like a movie I just saw this year for the first time and it hasn't been out for a long time i'm gonna take annihilation oh i haven't
seen it with the portman uh with the portman i haven't seen it i i have to see it it's really
good right it's really good i think it's on one of the streamers too i think it might be on amazon
one of the big ass streamers one of the streamers it's fucking streaming thing crazy it's scary it's disturbing it will like you're gonna
want to take a walk after you watch it really uh yeah yeah it's fucking gnarly and it's like
nothing i've ever seen before it's it's like i don't i like i can't really describe it and he's
seen two turtles have sex you i haven't seen it in person just to be clear i sure did i'll tell
you what you might see an aisle you might watch annihilation be like this is like i could have
seen this with two turtles fucking this is just two turtles fucking this is just two turtles
fucking the movie why didn't they call it that two turtles fucking the movie oh boy dude it's great natalie portman
gina rodriguez tessa thompson jennifer jason lee's in it really uh yeah and it's like i did not know
that it's about this mission that goes there's this like anomaly that they send a mission into
and it's just like i don't know it's fucking trip, man. And the music is amazing.
The music in it is so good.
And it'll just like, I don't know.
It'll fuck you up.
It's a fucking crazy movie.
Maybe I'll push for that tonight.
I bet you I could probably swing that.
That sounds like a good one.
I would love to hear your thoughts on Annihilation.
It's just, it's a gnarly movie.
It's not one you watch in passing, which is why I don't think I've got to it yet.
Even in this where I'm like, I want to sit and pay attention.
I don't want to watch it on my computer i want to watch it on a tv all that 100
and like my phone not with me it's a beautiful movie but in like a weird way i don't know i like
i i don't even want to try to describe it because i feel like i'll butcher it but like
i would highly highly recommend it annihilation hell yeah so that's the final pick we did it
sean you went first you took independence day
aliens the faculty super eight and little shop of horrors david you went second you took fifth
element lilo and stitch star trek first contact space jam and then attack the block yeah i'm with
and then i went last and i took star wars a new hope predator men in black et the extraterrestrial
and annihilation and boy did we leave some
fucking movies on the board we did a good job the whole the whole marvel universe is still on the
board but i know you guys don't fuck with it too much like i finally watched i finally watched uh
that last avengers movie and like i didn't have a bad time it's just good man yeah but arrivals
another crazy good one the The Thing, 2001.
Mars Attacks.
Mars Attacks.
Oh, yeah.
Starship Troopers, Edge of Tomorrow.
Kind of similar movies.
Signs.
Dude.
Yeah.
Signs.
I almost took Signs fifth.
One of the scariest moments. You know what almost made it?
For me, it was Transformers.
I loved that movie.
Really?
Somebody hated it.
I thought it was great.
Really?
I thought it was bad, too.
I thought it was hilarious.
I loved it. I thought it was real fun. Indiana Jones and was bad, too. I think Shia LaBeouf was hilarious. I loved it.
I thought it was real fun.
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.
Speaking of Shia LaBeouf.
Shia.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind, dude.
Contact with your boy, Jodie Foster.
I fucking love Jodie Foster.
Oh, Contact was great.
The Abyss was one that I was fucking around almost.
What was Zach's favorite story?
Cocoon is good.
You know Zach's favorite story about The Abyss is like one of the actors was like on
some crazy cabbage diet and farted in the suit and like had to barf and they shut down
production for like 12 hours or something like that.
Zach loves the movie The Abyss because he thought it was called The Arby's and he was
just like, well, yeah, I love it.
I love The Arby's.
God, there's so many.
There's so many good alien movies.
We want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com yeah shout out to everyone on the afe
subreddit shout out to everyone on the afe patreon thank you for holding us down shout out to alice
krieg shout out who's alice krieg well whoever you are shout out to you uh the woman the woman
who played uh the board queen in first contact oh fuck big shout out to you uh the woman the woman who played uh the board queen in first contact oh
fuck big shout out to her awakening things in me i didn't know super producer marissa huge shout
out to you holding us down shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude shout out to
haji beats and more important than all of that tune in again next week for another brand new
episode of all fantasy everything. Sha-clackity!
That was a Hate Gum podcast.