All Fantasy Everything - Roles from Movies We Would Recast Ourselves In (Episode 200 Special! w/ David Gborie & Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: September 10, 2020What's up, All Family! Believe it or not this is episode 200! We can't begin to tell you how much of an amazing experience this has been! For this ep we kept it to the OG Good Vibes Gang and ...drafted "Movie Roles We Would Be Great In!" We do have a special guest drop in at the end and a little Q&A with the audience that tuned in for the livestream! So sit back and enjoy episode 200 of All Fantasy Everything! THANK YOU!!Key images from this episode can be found on Twitter: twitter.com/AllFantasyPod/status/1303921599473573888Watch the uncut livestream here: youtu.be/g3af0Dc6rUISponsors:Manscaped: Get 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com, with code ALLFANTASY.Support the Show:Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, playlists, and livestreams.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some merch at teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast. so stoked to celebrate. We live stream this recording. You can watch the full uncut stream
on YouTube. We'll link it in the show notes. But if you want the version that has been optimized
for your audio listening pleasure by our own super producer, Marissa, then sit back and keep
listening. You are in the right place. This podcast version has higher sound quality and has been
polished to make it better for listening experience. On today's episode, Ian, David, and I,
we draft movie roles we think we'd be great in. We're joined by a special guest at the end.
We also do a little Q&A with a live audience. If you do want to join a future live stream,
you can check it out on our Patreon, which again, we'll link in the show notes as well.
That's it for now. Thank you to everyone who has rocked with us for 200, 200 more,
hopefully a thousand more. Thank you so, so much from the bottom of all of our hearts. Now let's get into it.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything,
coming to you live via the live stream to celebrate our 200th episode.
If you can even believe that for half a second.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome super producer Marissa, who is with us.
Give it up.
Give it up digital style for Marissa.
Hello. Marissa, thank you so much. Thank you so much for everything you do. producer marissa who is with us give it up give it up digital style for marissa hello marissa thank
you so much thank you so much for everything you do we love and appreciate you so much usually we
wait till the end of the podcast to do that but since we're at the beginning and we have this
huge audience thank you so much for doing this we really couldn't have done it without you
thank you oh that's so sweet thank you for being such fun people to work with and making my job so fun.
Yeah.
I'd say the same thing.
All fantasy three of you.
All three of you are very fun.
I don't need everything.
You all three are my fantasy.
You're just going to be joking the whole time?
I might slide some more jokes in there throughout the duration of the podcast.
I would love it.
I would love it.
I would absolutely love it.
Now, I was going to tell this joke at dinner the other night. I would love it. I would love it. I would absolutely love it.
Now, I was going to tell this joke at dinner the other night.
I was having dinner with the queen, and I couldn't quite remember.
Were you wearing a basketball jersey with no shirt underneath?
As one does.
Yeah.
I thought we were going to work on the car.
She cooked a nice dinner.
We met in the middle.
That's what you wear.
By the way, I don't have a that's that's that's totally reasonable i actually i had my hat forward because i wanted
to look like a prick so i you know we were eating dinner like this you don't look like a prick you
only think you look like a prick i don't i don't fully understand why well let's utilize the chat
for the first of many times this afternoon do i look like a prick with this hat forward no i would buy i would buy your mixtape yeah yeah well yeah that's because i put it in
your hand and you touch it after you touch it you owe me 10 bucks honestly i just want to get down
the wharf with my kid yeah it's just one day with him i was trying to tell this joke the other day
that you've been telling about the white house and i couldn't quite do it oh for christ's sakes i
couldn't remember it yeah i couldn't remember that's fair i couldn't remember the whole bit it was from a to
b it's a long walk it's got twists and turns it's a bit it's a bit of an m it's a bit of an m night
jamalon uh i'm happy to retell it now is that what you're asking i wouldn't mind it just so i
you know keep a caveman simple for me because i want to be able to tell it at my next dinner party
my next audience with the queen absolutely well uh you're familiar with uh you're familiar with 1600 pennsylvania right a lot of people uh commonly
known as the white house uh the executive mansion it's it's the traditionally the house where the
president lives uh during his or her term um fingers crossed fingers crossed for the future and uh lately lately uh what with all the goings on um political and otherwise political and otherwise
political and otherwise uh this is a little bit of a beltway humor for you this is a little inside
the beltway humor so if you're not like finger on the pole sort of political type you might not
get it might go over your head but i do think it's accessible to every audience uh okay lately i've taken to calling it and again with all the goings on um political and otherwise
i've taken to calling it
the loony bin wash your ass you better wash your ass boy you don't even know you know what time it
is if uh everybody just do air horns out loud to yourself while I do this.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no it would start to look like at least it would make sense it would start to at least make sense i didn't put a suit on for you to dab like that in front of a thousand all family members my shirt has three colors on it you're gonna pull that shit well they look at they fucked up my bio
they fucked up my bio freeze jersey so bad they put all this blazer paraphernalia on is the thing
now that's true now that's true i think the blazers actually is that the jersey they sent
me that like uh where they sent me like a medium or a large they sent you they sent you uh it was a young jersey and yeah so you just what are you
by the way you're gonna drop it on us what's that i'm having i'm having my first drink in
forever i have i've had like a little bit of wine here and there but i decided for a 200th episode
i've been keeping it clean pretty much all summer so I decided I would have a drink and to celebrate it
and to celebrate this auspicious occasion
I got a
drink we could do a blessing with
now there's only two possible
there's Manischewitz and now's not the time for that
and certainly not the place
the other is Terramaya
the rocks personal brand
of tequila
wow
entourage billions The Rock's personal brand of tequila. Wow.
Entourage Billions Ballers and Succession.
He did it.
I didn't think it could be done.
I'm going to stand up actually real quick.
I'm not going to because I'm wearing basketball shorts and I don't want to ruin the... Entourage Ballers Billions Succession.
May the Rock be with you
and also with you
and everybody out there watching
yeah
that was fun we haven't done that in a while
it's that kind of podcast no we haven't but I thought it was appropriate
for the 200th episode spectacular
I can't believe it
I remember like
the first time I remember
ever being a guest I was sitting in my room
and I think it was the
christmas songs episode and i was just in my room and you were like hey do you want to come be on
the show and i was like yeah man i'd love to because i wanted to obviously right away yeah
and that was like what four years ago paul thomas anderson had a cancel at the last minute and i was
like well shit yeah we don't have a
guest you actually said no to the rock because ballers wasn't out yet so you didn't i'd really
i was like the guy from what from from the tooth fairy i got from walking tall i don't
hey now walking tall i mean i'm not not trying to besmirch how tall he was walking for some reason
i think me and nicholas nan pay not not in my house not on the podcast but perhaps watching and uh in in magisterially from portland oregon i think we had the walking tall dvd for some reason
and that got a couple rotations in the clinton street house i think in the clinton street house
i remember it floating around we've also nick and i have lived together at other locations as well
so there or listen pre-shane no i was just gonna say it's a good movie it's a good film i didn't think we were
talking about it this early but yeah i like it it is one of my picks shit the agave is 100 blue
weber highlands if anyone's wondering oh yes yes yeah zero g sugars zero g carbohydrates
people are saying that nampe is in the chat. Yo! Oh, Nam Pei. Oh, Nam Pei. Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
The Prince of Portland.
And is Susan Carmel is in the chat.
Oh, I'm going to say Sue Carmel is in the chat.
I believe my brother Robert Bear Blaylock is also watching.
Shout out to Bear.
In the chat.
I might have to go.
I might have to go get that.
Oh, wait.
Hold on.
I'll grab it right now.
You guys, you know, talk amongst yourselves.
I'll be right back.
Nick Nam Pei said you guys bought DVDs sight unseen from the sales racket best buy i got that movie awakenings where it's like
robert de niro and what dreams may come yeah for some reason that's a good that's i stand by that
two-pack i bought that movie employee of the month Month. That way. The popular Dane Cook vehicle?
The popular Dane Cook vehicle.
It wasn't that bad.
I'll stand behind it.
Employee of the Month,
solid four out of 10 comment.
Yeah, you know,
well, Dax Shepard is hilarious
and he's in there
and I honestly think he's hilarious.
So it's, you know,
could be worse.
Young, young,
the young carmel family
my sister my little sister just sent me this you can see you're blowing a tie right there this
isn't the first time i've worn a suit you can see tyvin carmel up on top is what you can see
carmel's up there dude and look at robert that's my brother bear that's my brother bear right there
look at that lean dude that's a confident man bear looks like Ivan was punishing him, and he's like, I'm still coming
in the picture. I'm still coming.
Bear looks like he could sell you anything.
Doesn't matter if you want it, need it.
None of that factors into the decision at all, dude. Look at that
lean. And my very cute little sister,
Jessica Blaylock,
killing it, just looking cool. I think that's
a green velvet dress. And then St.
Sue Carmel with that tight pony.
Look at that tight pony, dude. There it is carmel with that tight pony look at that tight pony
that is a tight that is a tight pony yeah we're baron jess were like teenagers huh yeah they were
teenagers they're leanagers probably getting into trouble bear blalock was a definite leanager in
that he's leaning in hard i remember when i felt like i was inducted into the carmel's when we
were at Thanksgiving
and Bear was like, you boys want to go up to the bedroom?
And he brought out the good shit.
And we all had a drink of the good shit.
What is the good shit?
It was like some dank whiskey.
Yeah, yeah.
It was really good.
But it was just like, I didn't really have anything to do one year in Portland, like
early on.
I didn't have any, really any friends or family around.
And I went to the carmel's for thanksgiving
and it was i was nervous as you are and it was great you're actually not in the carmel's until
me and elisa beat the shit out of you it is much like the crips that way yeah when i joined the
crips i was wanting to be in the carmel's you've ever known i took the the closest alliterative
neighbor as it were the cripsrips, the Carms.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, and a couple people tweeted this out.
There's a documentary, something called like Village of Crips or something like that.
Crip Camp.
On Netflix.
Crip Camp.
Yeah.
And I, just for a second, I was like.
What did you say?
Village of Crips.
It's not that much worse.
Is that like the Gathering of the Juggalos?
That's the symbol
funny you should bring it up hold on a second boys
oh no
this is a diorama
oh no it's a dab-a-rama
no
too many bits and ones
if you haven't seen it this is the
insane clown posse that's
violent jay and shaggy too dope
it says tonight in rainbow letters as they are woke.
Okay.
And you can't argue that go on their Twitter.
They woke up a long time ago.
Uh,
they're on a grassy field.
They're outdoors.
Cause they like,
uh,
you know,
they like a socially distant show.
The insane clown posse.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And a lot of people didn't know that started out the inner city posse.
So they threw the makeup on,
kept the initials and if so facto,
here's where we are.
Yeah.
Um, yeah. Yeah. they threw the makeup on kept the initials and ipso facto here's where we are yeah um yeah yeah that's i mean so we're done right live streams that's it yeah
that's the whole fucking thing you log off first yeah we're just gonna talk business
we'll meet we'll meet you at chucky cheese you just you get there at five and get us a table
get the table uh yeah because we have to we have tickets we have like big garbage bags of tickets
also i gotta finish you know you know we got we got big garbage bags of tickets we gotta eat
alfredo because like it's alfredo alfredo saturdays alfredo saturdays sweet onion mondays
dude i've got a lot oh my god this episode's not out yet so you might as well tell the people It's Alfredo, Alfredo Saturdays. Alfredo Saturdays, Sweet Onion Mondays, dude.
I got a lot.
Oh my God. This episode is not out yet.
So you might as well tell the people what the fuck sort of mischief you've gotten yourself
into.
Tell them about your bag of booty.
An anonymous source mailed me two bags of sweet onion sauce.
And now I've magically turned those two bags into one bag of sweet onion sauce.
Why are you eating sweet onion by the bag
a bag of subway you look good i mean there's no arguing that you yeah you look fantastic that's
that's not up for debate at all he's powered by sweet onion through the mail from a from an
anonymous source just two bags of sweet onion show i like to bring up i like to think it didn't even
have a name on it uh-uh you know he was just like well surely this is for me you two will shoot me
straight laura looked at and she's like that is so cool that's all she's like she was very happy
for me you found yourself the right lady yeah i need you to shoot me straight and be like that's
sketchy what are you doing with it how fast did you kill the first bag the first night we made uh like we
made uh the closest we could to sweet like sweet onion chicken teriyaki and it was fantastic right
after that i started going crazy and like i would just pour a ramekin and dip a bagel in it
toasted or not toasted bagel a little bit of both you know it's not toasted
yeah don't you you don't have to brag for that come on man
do that for them if i was bragging i'd show this biofreeze logo a little a little clearer i'm not
we're fucking sponsored dude the rock biofree we're athletes so it only stands to reason
you bro you dog you bro now uh sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on the gram
yeah man yeah a couple of those out there i really am seeing a lot of those out there now
i'll tell you that you seen any sean drey dawson's on the diamond dude no man sean sean puffy arms on the uh at the gym
uh i was trying to think of one that had dab in it so oh puff dabby combs there we go
sean puff dabby combs oh so you guys can't black my screen out only i can do that and i know no
no yeah i know i can't put a picture of my family in the early 90s over it though there we go
that you want to hear how depressing some of these old jobs were some of the old call center jobs
i would uh like put tape over every part of your computer that had the time on it oh yeah because
if you didn't you would just stare at the center like my computer
had like five pieces of tape on it at those jobs some of those grocery store days were like that
dude where you would be like surely it's closer to lunch and like eight minutes had gone by and
you'd face the whole aisle you're like how did that only take eight minutes you start to think
you know the shadows like how much time has passed from the shadows like the cream or something oh
yeah you become like an old fur trapper where you like where you like think you can like live
off the land and everything and you're like oh oh that old jewish woman is here to buy eight
bottles of wine at the same time just like every day that means it must be 11 lunch is coming and
then you look at your watch and it's like fucking nine and you're like your whole world is collapsing
in on you yeah dude those i remember when we were kids and the night stock crew would come in we
called them the shady crew in blue because they all had to wear blue polos and they would come
in and we're like oh that's got to be a bummer to watch all of these teenagers think that they're
in a tough spot like we were getting off at 10 we'd work for four hours and we were just like
and then they're coming in and they have to the work all through the night dudes handle their business though they would come in and just start like
throwing shit man that's a business handling ass job oh yeah they would get it done all the
pallets in the aisle for sure i can't i don't know if this is true but that strikes me as if
the job is done when it's done kind of job uh-huh because like how if like you have to work eight
hours but it's done in six hours then you just't know. Then you just chill. Then you go to the beer aisle and crack it open.
A couple of Keystone Lights.
Does Target have beer?
Then you go get breakfast at Papa Doc's.
Target has liquor, homeboy.
What?
Some of them.
The Targets in LA have liquor.
Yeah, the Glendale Targets got mad liquor, for sure.
Man, I get some only in their facades.
I used to drool over it at lunch every day.
You know what you might be able to get there? Hat at lunch every day. You know,
you might be able to get there.
Haters in the building.
Terrible.
Ian and I had each other convinced so much.
That was haters in the building.
Haters in the building.
There's a ballers podcast.
Somebody started one called haters in the building.
I saw it,
but I don't,
I think their enjoyment of ballers is a little more ironic than ours.
Oh no,
I like it. If it's ironic at all, it's a little more ironic than ours. Oh no. I like it.
If it's ironic at all,
it's a little more ironic than mine because I enjoy the show.
Well,
that last season,
but we don't need to,
we don't need to dwell on it.
Listen,
man,
well,
you know,
we'll always have that monster truck.
He jumped.
And then the people of Vegas were like,
that's our guy.
Yeah.
Yes,
actually.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Yeah.
Uh,
anyway,
I have, you know, I, I have this to promote.
Watch this.
Watch this live stream that you're already watching.
Thank you.
Oh, okay. I thought you were about to dab again.
No, no, I will.
Trust me.
I got two more tall-siders back there, homeboy.
I'll be dabbing.
Tall-sider.
The tall-sider.
Do you have your nunchucks anywhere nearby?
Ian.
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
They're always nearby.
Is it true that you're never,
you're never more than four feet from your nunchucks?
I read that in Harper's Bazaar.
I don't know what that is.
Cause I don't read.
The only thing I read are letters on posters.
My friend.
I'm never more than four feet from a
why so serious poster that's true
y'all know if you don't know
famed Australian
actor why so serious
why so serious
why so serious
agenda comes out anybody watching if you guys haven't
you should check out the dark knight
Heath Ledger's got a mean joker on him
yeah he does
if you've been in a cave for the last 15 years go ahead and check out The Dark Knight. Heath Ledger's got a mean joker on him. Yeah, he does. If you've been in a cave for the last 15 years,
go ahead and check out The Dark Knight.
I like it.
I like it.
Should I do some nunchucks?
Yeah, show some tricks.
Yeah.
I can't believe it took you this...
Yeah, I thought you were...
Oh, does he...
Like, he didn't know the amount of space he had
before he brought the jugs he's like
a cat he's got those nunchucks are like whiskers he knows exactly how much yeah he knows that's for
our benefit and i appreciate it yeah yeah he has a showman you look at those pythons on right now
look at that it's so it's fluid it's so fluid it just flows oh it's like it never really stops now picture it's new year's
eve he's drunk i'm drunk everyone's drunk and he's a foot in front of my tv doing that and
nobody cares drunk is how so drunk you didn't hit it you didn't hit it but like that's how
nice he is with it it is tough to do in a confined space you guys aren't down here it is uh
tight like a tiger down here.
And there's a loose light bulb up there.
It's fine.
I was telling the people about how you did that at New Year's Eve.
And we were all hammered.
And you were still nice with it.
David Borey is here.
The GSI was on Twitter.
Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram.
Honey Baked on InstaHam.
Pineapple Slice.
Packing a Sausage on InstaJohnHam.
Yes, sir. Got it in the front.
Eric Sickerson on InstaRam.
Don't get that one.
Eric Dickerson was a Los Angeles Ram for a while.
Eric Sickerson on InstaRam.
I like that, yeah.
Mason Margella on Instaam dude yeah uh draculia
on instabram oh very dumb yeah uh let me get the last four digits of your social security number
on instascam there it is yeah uh a female wrestler on instaglam he's my wake you up before you go bro on insta wham
he's my chilled latin american treat on insta flan yeah yeah yeah slant rhyme slant rhymes
oh yeah oh yeah uh insta yadi on little bram what little dram little dram shit yeah you lose dude you lose
you have to cut your fingers off shit all right david how are you doing it's it's got to be like
112 degrees in the valley right now yeah i'm upstairs too it's hot man it's a whole episode
of entourage about how hot it gets in the valley yeah i'm I'm not even going to play with you. It's hot.
I'm not moving too much because I don't want to soak through this shirt I got.
Yeah.
Other than that, it's cool, man.
I got like 10 books.
My laptop is propped up on right now.
Tight.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What more do you need to know?
What more do you need to know?
There's not much else, you know.
Happy to be doing this with you guys.
Do you want to try to dab or is that
I'm not going to dab
nobody else is going to dab
I'm not going to do that for you
Marissa was saying she wanted to dab though
no no no
you're going to look amazing when you do it
no no no
no Eva
no no no
no
that's for me
we'll take that if we get that out of it no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no good either but it's not disgusting for some reason they're all just chasing my dragon but you did that was fun yeah you really gotta commit to it you know yeah because you scream when we do
bees we do bees dab bees yeah see look at that i don't know why man that just gets me i got home
pretty late last night and there was a big critter in my backyard i don't know what it was you told shane he had to sleep outside right yeah i did yeah yeah big yeah big critter my favorite
rapper big critter no there was i got home and like it's it's dork back there and i've tried
to put some lights in but it's still dork and i heard like a light rustling and i was like ah
it's a night bird or a squirrel you know
sure sure i mean absolutely it's an ecosystem back here i'm fostering it and then i heard some
like louder rustling and then like and that's like really loud rustling where i'm like could
it be man could it be man in my backyard oh because now it's like now it's on you right
it's on me there's no one to
call your house there was there's no one there's no neighbors who are little have been living behind
me like it's just it's just yard back there you got to go to that louisville slugger you keep
under the bed it's exactly it's exactly right that's it i'm the i'm the only guy in the lineup
and it's or ninja stars i don't know how you protect your did you go outside i didn't i went
inside my house and locked the door i don't think it was a person because a person who was like a b startled enough
that my arrival was like oh i gotta hide wouldn't have been making that much noise but it could have
been a coyote you know it could have been yeah i'm gonna fucking coyote they're out there sometime
go yotes usd the school that we all almost graduated from. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
I was,
I was closer to getting out of SDSU,
the Jack rabbits.
Stop.
Go Jack rabbits.
I'm in your head,
Sean.
David and I are Jack rabbits guys.
We're Jack rabbits dudes.
South Dakota state.
They courted us for the lacrosse team.
Shout out to Brookings.
Hey,
Hey. Yeah.
What's going on,
Sean?
I don't fucking know anymore. I don't fucking know anymore i don't fucking know anymore all
right fine yeah jc playboy that's all i know dude that's all i know think about that when you think
about that when you think about this all right all right all right where's the melnick is here
at mars bell on twitter at mars bell on instagram, at Mars Bell on Instagram. Is that right?
Yeah, there might be a dot in between.
There might be a dot in there.
There might be a dot in there.
Except no substitutes. It's the fucking weekend. You can put a dot in there. Chill out, everybody. God.
Whoa.
Geez. No, don't. It's not a war thing.
I'm saying it is a fucking weekend. You're right.
I've had it up to here, dude. How high do you have to have it up to before you start getting angry?
Is there a science to that?
Six feet and rising.
Is it six feet?
Six feet standing.
Six feet and rising. I think like maybe whatever your height is, that's how much you can reach.
I've had it up to here.
So if I've had it up to here, you're like kind of fine.
Like I've had it up to here, but another two hours of this, I'm out.
I'm mad.
How's this riff doing?
You guys enjoying it?
I wasn't into it, but I'll let you cook.
I can feel you not being into it.
I can feel you not.
It's okay.
It's okay, though.
I treasure that kind of honesty.
And also, sometimes it's nice to let a play overdevelop.
Yeah, absolutely.
You do.
Now we can watch the video on it and see where everything went wrong.
Yeah, that's all it is.
It's all a teaching experience.
Sean's still riffing on it, though.
I'm trying to think of the highest i've ever had it up to you see i've not i the the highest i've seen i know ian's had
it up to a couple people stacked on your shoulders before well i'm a well-built tea kettle i heat up
quick i heat up quick you know what i mean i remember one time i had it up to here i was uh
i was skateboarding across the street
and I had the right of way and a truck
turned into me and hit me
and I rolled up onto the hood
and then I got up off the ground
because it threw me to the ground
and they were flipping me off
and so I threw my board and it hit their truck
and they slammed on the brakes
and I was like 15
just maybe 90 pounds
but I was furious.
And I was just screaming like, get the fuck back, like hands out.
And they didn't come back.
So I bet they didn't.
It's because they knew you had it up to here.
Well, yeah, I was saying up to here.
I had it, you know, dude.
So, yeah, that was the highest I ever had it.
I think up to.
I can't count the amount of times I've had it up to here.
I've seen you have it up to there a few times. Yeah, i've had it up to here i've seen you have it up to there a few times
yeah yeah i've had it up to there i'm i'm steady right at here like that's like my resting that's
my resting here level you're always right about here that's your walk that's your walk around way
yeah yeah i've always had it like right up to about my chin yeah so you know if it goes any
higher than it's not hard to get up to there.
This is God-given.
Up to here?
Yeah.
That's natch.
That's all natch.
That's just good genes.
That's just good genes that got it there.
That's Jabot genes, dude.
All that is.
All that is.
Oh, the Cider House rules, number two.
Here we go.
The sequel?
Number two.
The squeak-o. Spider-Man 2. Wasn't Tobey Magguire in the cider house rules i should have brought another fucking seltzer up
here you can go get another seltzer at any moment i'll i know well i will get into it we'll get it
we'll get it popping now we are gathered we are gathered here today not only no you're in in you're
here oh shit i'm'm Ian Carmel.
Ian Carmel on Twitter.
Ian Carmel on Instagram.
Ian Carmel on Jewish Terramana Points app.
Where you can rack up Terramana Points for a chance to visit the set of Hobbs and Shaw 2.
Maybe.
That might be real.
That might be real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I liked it.
I liked it. like you know this
no one's gonna like this i've never seen hobbs and shaw i haven't that's not i also haven't seen it
okay i thought that was insane of me to say i've never seen i saw it i don't know if you guys
remember i saw it i blew up the group chat about it after I saw it. Yeah, you hated it. Because I was all mad.
I think that's part of the reason I haven't seen it.
The group chat needs to know.
Me too.
That it's low quality. Honestly.
Yeah, that was a big part too.
Because I was going to go in the theater and I wanted to, but then David said it sucked.
And I was like, well.
You know what was good though was Hobbs or Shaw.
It was a more.
It was a more.
Calvin and Shaw.
Calvin and Shaw.
I'm just waiting for my mom to my mom to text
me and be like I really like Shaw yeah like Hobbes did something to her you know it's a little
little hollow notes joke which one is Hobbes Hobbes is uh the rock stay them oh yeah that's
oh you're right you're right hold on hold on hobbs hobbs is the rock yeah the chat hobbs is the rock
please oh my carosa's in there shout out to my carosa with his new album everybody go by he's
amazing oh you gotta let me know let me know hobbs and shaw is a betrayal to the fast and furious
franchise damn oh he said it wow what happened he said it. Wow. What happened? He said it.
A betrayal?
Dude, your boy Aaron Weimer.
Yeah, he's out here.
Aaron Weiland more like it.
There you go.
Rock is Hobbs.
I just like a bunch of people typing Rock is Hobbs.
Rock is Hobbs.
Rock is Hobbs.
Rock is Hobbs.
Rock is Hobbs.
Sounds like somebody just, like they had it up to here in the grocery store and they
have a breakdown and they're like, Rock is Hobbs.
Rock is Hobbs.
If you ever do the Haka, Sean, you're just going to be chanting Rock is Hobbs.
David, I'm never going to do the Haka.
You know you're going to do the Haka.
David, please.
Do the Haka.
Do the Haka.
Haka Flocka Flame.
Haka Flocka Flame.
Dude, there is a taco truck
called wahaka flame and i just want someone to tag flock on it so bad so it's wahaka flock of flame
i gotta fucking i gotta do this shit all over la i have a job
i have a fucking job i work 60 hours a week.
I win Emmy.
There it is.
Banksy and Carmel.
Banksy and Carmel.
Banksy and Carmel.
All right.
All right.
Because he's tagging.
By the way, that is your Emmy back there.
And to your right, that is you looking up at the Emmy like you're going to war with it.
Yeah.
Any true artist is at war with themselves. I I step in? I believe what the artist is
trying to convey is eyes on the prize.
It's eyes on the prize. Oh, yeah. Thank you.
I appreciate that. I was out of line.
Won't happen again. It's fine.
Jordan 4's Emmy.
Jordan 4's Emmy.
Jordan 4's Emmy.
Prop from Chelsea lately.
Jordan 4's. On his way back through detroit
i have nothing to promote other than uh world peace and harmony and watch the late late show
on the columbia broadcasting system where i am now getting involved in the monologue
with clever barbs and uh bon mots for about the first 12 minutes of the program.
And everybody's having a great time.
I am. I'm digging it. Bon mots.
Bon mots, dude.
It's bon mots, good apple juice,
is I believe what they're trying to say.
I was going to say it's French applesauce.
It's French applesauce.
Now, we are gathering here today
not only to eat French applesauce,
but also to fantasy draft roles from movies
that we would recast ourselves in that's a that's a
good description of it right so role pre-existing roles for movies played by other actors that we
believe we would kill it in like one of those movies where you're sitting around and someone's
like you could that should be you one of those i could fucking do that yeah yeah weird dude it
never gets more real than it does when you're in LA.
Like when you're in, when it happens.
When you see people at Ralph's, you're like, they did that.
I could fucking do that.
I could do that.
I'm getting more expensive milk than they're getting.
They're not even getting milk.
I saw billions at Gelson's, dude.
Yeah, I was with you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We were at Gelson's.
We saw billions.
Yeah, we saw billions at Gelson's.
We were getting ready for a Super Bowl party.
Billions was there.
I also saw, I saw Bloodline at Gelson's. We saw Billions. Yeah, we saw Billions at Gelson's. We were getting ready for a Super Bowl party. Billions was there. I also saw Bloodline at Gelson's.
You saw Bloodline, too.
Bloodline and Billions at Gelson's, dude.
Not Kyle Chandler, because I would have.
I don't think you go to Gelson's.
Twice.
I've been one time, dude.
I seriously have been to that Gelson's in Silver Lake twice.
I have been once, and I saw Billions.
Yeah, I've been twice, and I saw Bloodline and Billions it's i think you have to be in sag to go into that grocery store
that's true yeah that is true that is true yeah i found out bloodline was australian i didn't know
that should i get turkey should i get should i get the turkey should i get the turkey meat
the ground turkey or should i get ground beef which is it which is around turkey if i get
ground turkey i'm gonna cook it up hotter than New York in 1982.
Reggie Jackson.
Three home runs in the World Series.
Uh-huh.
A threat of war.
It's a threat of war about the turkey.
A threat of war is, I think, your finest work, Sean.
Yeah.
It's exactly what they do.
Yeah.
For days.
The Fortress, man.
Missing it already.
Shabbat shalom.
Shabbat shalom to it.
Now, the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot.
Here we go.
Oh, just the two of you, because Merza's not drafting.
So just the two of you, and we throw on shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
Oh!
Right in my face like that. What is going on don't know you know i know you i knew the champion is what's going on in my mind i was like he will throw a sheer determination to defeat all opponents
i think what's going on mind i think we were talking about the rock so much that it crept
into your weak mind and you threw a rock like a chump that's what i think the fucking gall the stones to say he has a weak mind after he's defeated you
it is you come into this house that i built with my hands and you talk to me it's a house made of
rocks it's a solid house it's a house made of rocks you can huff and puff you made your house
on scissors like a jamoke i made my house out of things that our fans have given
us your shit gets rusted out that's not my shoes stop weak mind david shanian david shanian there
it is that's the order now before yeah well what but what is the serpentine well i want to remind
that's a great question marissa it's a serpentine draft david and marissa asked the question anything
can happen what is the serpent what is the serpent hold on i knocked over my shit it's kind of like
when you're walking no i didn't know i leaned back too far and i knocked over my uh shit is
it still sound okay mars yep it still sounds good okay man david you pissed me off so much
that i knocked over the recorder oh no your recorder that you play that you like. Yeah, that I hot cross buns and Mary had a little lamb.
Did David ask what a serpentine draft was again?
Because he didn't get it after the first hundred and ninety.
Marissa asked.
Please, Marissa.
I apologize for anything I might have said that sounded ill-tempered.
I thought David was asking again as I explained it to David quite a bit.
It's kind of like if you're playing volleyball and you serve it over the net and then it's on that side of the net because they have to
bump and then they set and then they spike it over to the other side of the net and then it stays on
that side of the net for a while as they bump, they set, and then they spike it back to the
other side. So essentially what it does is it goes over to one side and then it moves around a little bit and then it goes over to the other side moves around
a little bit then it goes back to the other side a lot like uh a good game of volleyball
basically what it means is you pick third in the first round you pick first in the second round
david with that in mind would you like to lock in the order you said not moments ago? 100%. 100%.
David Shaw and Ian is the order of today's draft.
And we will get to that first pick, which will be made by David,
after this short break.
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Yeah, we're back.
Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything,
the only podcast that has ever existed,
the only video that you've ever seen
on the internet.
The only one.
That's it.
If you've been watching Netflix,
that's a hallucination
and you should see a doctor.
Porn's not real.
Porn's not real
and it never has been.
Wait.
What?
Porn's real.
No, porn's not real.
It's video on the internet
and we're the only video
on the internet.
So if you've seen porn,
it's been on this live stream.
Okay.
All right. I apologize. You need to put some sleeves on if you're gonna be acting like yeah man come on buddy
i thought that we thought this is how people acted without sleeves on i'm dressed like i'm
dressed up like it's a spring wedding and you're in here saying porn's real so am i we're just in
different parts of the country my friend i'm dressed like the lovable cousin on Corey in the house.
Oh, man.
What are we going to do with all these extra cheeseburgers?
Corey!
Never mind.
Corey's in the house.
Oh, no.
It's three minutes to the pageant, and I don't have an outfit yet.
Corey! Do another one. Toss yet cory do another one hold on uh my prom date came down with the measles and i don't know who
could possibly take me on such short notice cory
listen this could work this could work this was a good idea actually this could absolutely
call cory in the house yeah somebody get cory is that a real show yeah yeah yeah it was a show on disney
i thought we were just ripping that whole thing and i was like oh yeah no cory in the house was
a show i think we switch one of the names out we make our own fucking show yeah okay bory in the house bory in the house okay
okay this is it this is the pitch this is the pitch it's me but i'm a kid and also i work at
the white house yeah you work at the white house bory in the house bory in the house the house
that's that's a nice elevator pitch right there i don't want to i don't want to drop a lot of names but idris elba is attached yeah emotionally he might be attached to more than one of these
next conversations that we have sean's only picking idris elba rolls what if you did that
would be for thanksgiving this year i'm making idris elba rolls uh man that's gonna have some fucking abs in them yeah you're gonna not want to eat those yeah they're just rocks and they can just they can wrap
those rolls can bossy bop and they wrap a little bit yes you did yes you did but it's okay they're
both british so you're not racist david you have the first pick in the movie rolls we think we
would crush all fantasy everything draft and And you are now on the clock.
No questions.
1993's hit movie Sister Act.
I would be Dolores Van Cartier.
Which one is Dolores Van Cartier?
Whoopi motherfucking Goldberg, dog.
You would play the Whoopi Goldberg role in Sister Act?
Yes, I would.
Her name is Dolores Cartier?
Van Cartier.
And I would crush that shit.
They made a movie?
Did you just say they made a movie about Sister Act?
Oh, I was thinking Sister...
Jesus.
I was thinking Sister...
You guys are about to go ape shit.
Wow, okay.
Never mind.
Sorry.
All right.
Continue.
I was about to fucking lose it.
I'm sure everybody is watching.
Like, what a dipshit.
No, I heard Sister... People are throwing, like, chairs like chairs through their windows and like tearing down light fixtures and shit
like that yeah yeah let me just set that aside and back away from me where it needs to be there
we go john if you were drinking taramana this wouldn't be happening
yeah i think i think you could kill me i mean it changes the whole vibe of the movie though
because you can't be a nun he could be a nun are you playing are you playing the role of a
yeah guy be a nun shave my beard put me in a habit you can tell beauty is beauty is not
about what sex you are if you're beautiful you're just beautiful i could be a beautiful woman fuck
you man let me just do me just do one quick rewrite.
This is all you have to do to the script for him to not even have to play a woman.
All right?
I'm a professional writer.
I'm in the writer's guild.
Let me do this for you.
I see that Emmy back there.
You didn't just get it for fun.
Let's say this Judd Apatow book is a Bible.
Hit me.
And you just cut to me and I'm a priest?
Some would say it is.
There's nothing in the rule book that says a man can't be a nun.
And then it's the same movie.
Boom.
Then it's the same movie. Boom. Then it's the same movie.
I will follow him.
Follow him.
No matter where he may go.
May go.
And then some other stuff.
And then I'll have like that hustle and flow moment where the one nun like can't quite sing.
And like, I'll be like, push that shit out.
And then shoot.
It's hot out here for a pimp.
But then about God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure.
It's hot out here for a pimp.
It's God out here for a pimp.
It's funny because I'm bored.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, something like that.
Push that shit out.
Something like that.
The point is, I think I could do everything Whoopi did.
I think I could be the same level of charming as she was in that movie.
I think I can do Whoopi.
The road to I think I can do everything Whoopi did is paved with broken dreams, my friend.
But I think you can do it.
No, 100%.
I know it's dangerous.
I think you can do it.
No doubt.
No doubt.
I'm not trying to EGOT.
I'm not trying to EGOT.
I'm just trying to do this one thing.
You know what I mean?
What do you think of the EGOT would be the hardest for you to get in real life?
Oh, man.
The Grammy.
Yeah.
You can get a stand up Grammy though.
Because Emmy seems like it's like a sustained amount of time you have to be doing whatever it was you were doing.
I'm more of a flash in the pan
kind of. You know what I mean?
I'm here to tell you firsthand, it's not as
hard to get an Emmy as you might think.
As you just lean just ever
Oh, this guy?
If you had the
got, I would give you my Emmy.
That's a promise.
David, get the got. Get the got i would give you my emmy that's a problem get the gut get the guy get get got got i can't i
got showtime you know that sean that's true i think a tony would be impossible tony might be
the hardest tony would be so so hard to do is like come up with one song like we could all come up
with a jaunty broadway song you know give me a topic i'll come up with a broadway song too thick
yeah we already did too thick oh yeah too thick that's more that's more the grammy than the tony you need a song that you
could have like chimney sweep sing yeah thick accent yeah uh we've all got a lot of tuberculosis
a lot of tuberculosis a lot of tuberculosis we've all got a lot of tuberculosis. I'm only 12 years old. Cough, cough.
Right?
And then.
We bum is covered in soot.
Yeah.
And then that's like it.
Run aside, Tony.
That's all you got to do.
It's easy.
Pockets.
It's probably on its way.
There's a character named Pockets, dude.
That's what's up.
There's another.
Yeah, there's a guy named Pockets.
Excuse me.
Yeah, he's got tuberculosis pretty bad.
They all do, but he's got it pretty bad.
Pockets, what's wrong? i'll cough up one of me lungs i'm only 12 as well yeah i think you could i think you could dolores what is her name i don't know why i don't know
dolores van cartier uh aka sister mary cl, comes in, whips the choir into shape.
Yeah.
But she keeps, like, dropping hints about how she used to not be with God.
Like, at one point, they're eating all this ice cream.
And one lady's like, it's better than Sunday service.
And then the other lady's like, it's better than reading the Hail Marys.
And then Whoopi Goldberg's like, it's better than sex.
And she's like, I've heard.
Now, would you live in a convent or a nunnery?
I have to ask, David.
I would live in a convent.
Okay, good.
Because that's where you should live.
That's what I was going to say.
Convent.
Where would you live, Sean?
I'd live in a convent.
I'm not the one that was saying nunnery the other day.
So, yeah, I'd live in a convent. Was I saying nun one that was saying nunnery the other day. Was I saying nunnery or was it David?
Somebody was. Was I saying nunnery?
I think so.
That could happen.
I could be yelling about anything.
That's really just...
It's a free-flowing conversation.
Sean, time for your first pick.
This is so fun.
No, please. No, I started talking. I didn't hear what you were saying. conversation sean this time for your first so fun this is great well all right fine no please
i started talking i didn't hear what you were saying this is just so fun i'm just excited i'm
i just keep checking the chat and how many people are watching it's it's like we're doing six it's
like we're down like eight people right down to like nine or ten people it's the best 200 people
are watching uh no it's like 1200 um but anyway it's just well, it's like 1,200.
But anyway, it's just such a fun thing that we get to do.
It's like we're doing a live show, and I miss this so much. You know who else is watching?
I'm thrilled about it.
What, Jesus?
JC?
All the time, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, I think I found a couple other dudes that tuned in.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I think I found a couple other people that are watching
uh-oh no the insane clown posse david your audio
either david's audio cut out or his heart his heart just his heart cut out dude because you
brought the fucking insane clown posse my first pick this is going to be the person the movie
role that i meet when i was a child i was just like that should be me this is what i thought i'm gonna say daniel larusso from the karate kid
i have thought my entire life i was uh in taekwondo my whole life and i was because he's not he's not
uh like a coward or anything he gets picked on a bunch i got picked on but i wasn't ever like
uh i didn't shy away from it.
And he's funny in his own way.
He's just kind of awkward.
He's awkward because he has to move to a new school.
But I was just kind of awkward in a, you know, whatever.
I used humor a lot.
And yeah, I was also single parent household situation.
They lived in an apartment.
I lived in an apartment.
I always saw a bunch of similarities.
And I always kind of wanted to be the karate kid because he ended up coming out on top and he was like you know he did it so i always thought i
could do that and there's not a lot of acting going on by the way no macho didn't macho didn't
really turn that into like a storied acting career nah this is it's he they were just like
just be you just just go out there and you don't really have to change there's not a lot of
crying scenes there's not a lot you know you're just kind of you can you give us some line rates
can you give us some can you give us some karate kid line if i give you some line if i give you
some line i don't know if i can if you say like trying to think say like it's hard to get used to
the valley yeah well no there's the there's the part where he's like talking to elizabeth shu and
he's showing her how to bump the soccer ball and they're just on the soccer field he goes yeah you just you know
you just well it's kind of easy i learned i've been i've been doing it for quite some time you
just take you go and then you do the one bump and then from there you go see it's easy there's
nothing to it you try it and then he just tosses her the ball really that's it like when they they
kick the ball over to her on the beach and then he comes over and gets his ass sorry about all my
friends over there you know i'm new'm new, I'm new here.
So it's,
you know,
no big deal.
I'm just out here trying to,
I'm putting into the chat a scene and I'm going to play Mr.
Miyagi,
but I'm going to play it.
I'm not going to do,
I'm not going to do a voice.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like,
I'm not going to do a voice.
All right.
I'm going to be Ian.
Well,
yeah.
That's Mr.
Miyagi.
So I'm going to complete these sentences.
All right.
I'm good.
So I'm,
you ready?
Yeah.
Hey, you ever get into fights when
you were a kid huh plenty yeah but it wasn't like the problem i david i'm acting i'm trying to act
over here i thought you were this is what it's like by the way like just say i'm i still kind
of thought you were gonna do miyagi boys so then you let's say i was auditioning for real there's
always someone in the room who's like actually on their phone or
something.
So this could be David just like laughing.
Yeah.
Anyway,
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
But it wasn't like the problem I have.
Right.
Why?
Fighting is fighting.
Same.
Same.
Yeah.
But you know,
karate,
someone always knows more.
You mean there were times when you were scared to fight?
It's always scary.
Mr. Miyagi hates fighting.
Yeah, but you like karate.
So?
Well, so, karate's fighting. You train to fight.
That's what you think?
No.
Then why train?
So I won't have to fight?
Mr. Miyagi has hope for you. I i'm sorry could you just do it more ethnic
yeah yeah yeah same thing him but oh yeah just put a little like your name's not ivan miyagi
characters from baltimore yeah so you know just give it a little Baltimore all right have you seen the wire have you seen
the wire just give it a little more Baltimore just give it some well let me just pull up some
sister act two uh dialogue real quick and then we can we can run through that for the next 20 minutes
now Sean his name is Daniel LaRusso he's an Italian from New Jersey do you want to try it
with a little more the same scene but like a little more italian i don't want you doing the miyagi accent so i'm not going in what world do
you think i would give up my lucrative career as a game show contestant all right let me see
hey you ever get into fights when you were a kid huh plenty yeah but it wasn't like the problem i
have right why fighting is fighting same same yeah but you know karate all right
cool so we've seen enough that's great thank you so much thank you i see him yeah we'll get back
to you yeah but you know karate though he's 16 but you know karate it is fucking karate what's the big deal what's the big deal uh daniel larusso
excellent pick yeah man excellent pick uh now with my first pick i i have to take it and i think
people maybe saw this coming but it's earnestly a dream of mine i just found out they're remaking
this movie and i'm not saying maybe i should be in this movie but i found out they're remaking it
and i want to be i think i could kill it as tevye from fiddler on the roof i've talked about it
before i have i have to fucking do it so i had to take it in this just in case either one of you
were going to try to snake that from me in some sort of strategy based pick I had to take Tevye
from Fiddler on the Roof
to no one's surprise
I'm not extremely
familiar with the character
well he is a father
he's a father of daughters
he is the milkman
in a town in Russia
the Jewish part of town
and he wishes he were a rich man
okay oh can we hear that song yeah yeah give it to him yeah hold on let me see if i can find a
karaoke version of it sean have you ever taken acting classes that was a big one when i got to
la everyone's like you should give it a shot and i was, I don't, I don't want to do it enough to where I can go to a class and swallow that amount of my pride. I can't,
I can't, I mean, acting's hard. I don't think people quite realize, I have auditioned for
things and it is fucking hard. It is embarrassing. You really do have to, you really do have to act.
And I don't have that gear. I can't do it. That's why a lot of my picks have to act and i don't have that gear i can't do it that's why a lot of
my picks are just people that i don't think have a lot of range there are a lot of actors i don't
think are good it's a lot of someone say bad actors
dear god you made many poor people i realize of, that it's no shame to be poor.
But it's no great honor either.
So what would have been so terrible if I had
a small fortune?
If I were a rich man,
diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle,
diddle, diddle, diddle, dum.
All day long
I'd be dee dee dee bum
If I were a wealthy man
I wouldn't have to work hard
If I were a very, very rich
I'd build a big tall house
With rooms by the dozen
Right in the middle of the town
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below
There could be one long staircase just going up
And one even longer coming down.
And one more leading nowhere just for show.
I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks for the town to see and hear.
Swalking just as noisily as they can.
And each loud quack and a cluck and gobbling honk
will land like a trumpet on the ear.
As if to say here lives a wealthy man.
Man.
You killed it. Here lives a wealthy man.
You killed it.
You killed it.
That was... Oh, that was fun.
That was good, dude.
I got it.
I'm telling you.
Hollywood, I'm right here.
I'm fucking right here.
Right there.
Get him on the phone.
Hit me up.
Hit me up on my two-way.
Page me.
Page me. Call me. Beat me. If you want to reach me kim possible can possible me that was really good dude i'm telling you i got it and i'll do the duck
sound effects next next time too if you want me to i'll just be like each you know he makes
zero mustel makes like the duck noises so i'll do that if that's what you want
okay i'll fucking do that i'm gonna run to the bathroom yeah run to the bathroom i'm gonna keep talking
about fiddler until you come back run it's a great picture the the guy who plays him in the
movie so this is happening in like a in in like a little jewish town he's like in his 60s that guy
would be 40 you know what i mean yeah he's got like daughters who are like 18 he'd be 40. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's got like daughters who are like 18.
He'd be 40.
That's what's going on with that guy. Should I watch Fiddler on the Roof?
It's long.
How long?
It's like three hours long.
It's a deep.
But all the good songs are in the first like hour.
There's some dope shit.
Okay.
I'll watch it with you.
I mean, I got.
What am I doing?
I got three hours sometimes.
It's not.
I'm not.
Watch Fiddler on the Roof. Not like I'm sitting on a lot of times where I'm like, God, I don't have three I doing? I got three hours sometimes. It's not, I'm not. Watch Fiddler on the Roof, man.
Not like I'm sitting on a lot of times where I'm like, God, I don't have three hours today.
I got three hours.
Dude, you know what I don't have today is three hours.
That's what I don't have.
I haven't said that in years, probably.
I rarely have three hours, but I would happily spend it.
That's why I feel bad saying it.
I would happily spend it watching Fiddler on the Roof with you.
Yeah, I'd do it next time I'm there. feel bad saying it i would happily spend it watching fiddler on the roof with you yeah i'd
do it next time i'm there um i just think i just think i would love i think i would have a lot of
fun with it it's a great jewish role it's not it's a little bit and ian would you say you're jewish
yeah oh yeah 100 percent permits and everything yeah thank you for asking thank you yeah yeah
man you better wash your ass mars you're definitely coming over here stirring my Kool-Aid like that.
You rock the ball, dude.
Let's not put this on her.
The chat reminded me, so thank you from the chat.
They called it out first.
Yeah.
The chat's stirring my Kool-Aid?
Oh, yeah.
All stirring my Kool-Aid, huh?
They've been stirring your Kool-Aid all day.
They've been stirring your Kool-Aid.
They've been adding in more sugar, too.
They're saying you didn't put enough sugar on the first time.
Are you reviewing the chat? Yeah, yeah. I was just typed in. I had said to them, I told them, in case they didn't put enough sugar on the first time are you reviewing the chat yeah yeah i
was just typed in i had said to them i told them in case they didn't take me seriously i said quit
stirring my cool don't stir that is what i said yeah i bet you will yeah and there's other songs
in there it's fun i think all you really gotta do is sing a little bit and be charming i don't
think i'll ever be in the movie version but i would like to do like a community theater production
of fiddler on the roof but cast me in that movie i don't think you lose a lot i don't think you lose a lot
you know i'll fucking bargain with laser wolf for for my daughter's hand in marriage i'll do all
i'll do all that shit david's back what i miss so with my second pick i ate one of my taco bell fire sauce chips i'm over here on brand
on brand my friends damn you finally did it you actually have to like just because of the way
you're living your life you do have to assure the people that's not just a bag of hot sauce
no there's chips in there i'm eating one it's probably bothering everybody that i just ate one
everybody knows you eat sauce by the bag i do eat sauce but i can't deny that i mean that's the best thing about taco bell they have tiny little bags of sauce i don't call them
packets i say tiny little bags of sauce no i know listen you don't have to explain yourself to me
i love you for you not because you look like she likes me for me not because i drive a maserati or sing like pavarotti who like how many girls are out
there like i think his name was steve she's the one for me yeah how many guys what just looking
for a guy who sings like pavarotti you're like you know what you know it gets my dick wet when
a guy sings like pavar. Nothing, if it gets...
That's how gals talk, right?
When they're having gal time?
I don't think so.
No, we don't say that gets our dick wet.
You don't?
You know what?
Actually, I feel like...
I think I've joked about getting a boner before,
so you know what?
Yeah, you are right.
And that does only happen with girls.
I'm wearing a suit, Marissa, alright? I'm wearing a suit.
I didn't come to play.
I did not come to play.
You got to sit around and you're like, hey, Stephanie.
I came to play a pickup game. I don't have sleeves on.
Anybody want to play?
You know what gets my dick wet, Stephanie?
When a guy sings like Pavarotti.
What gets my dick wet stephanie when a guy sings like pavarotti what am i what gets my dick the wettest is when a guy sings like luciano pavarotti what about you you know gets my dick the wettest is
when some guy knows pavarotti's first name luciano pavarotti there we go lucky luciano
dick wet pavarotti what what's causing the dick to be wet?
Like, what is it wet with?
Nothing.
Nothing in this.
Normally, it's the other person you're having sex with.
In this situation, it's nothing.
It's a hot day or like you wore some wool boxers for some reason.
A Capri Sun exploded.
That's what it is.
Somebody stirred my Kool-Aid too hard and it got all over my bad dude.
That's what it is.
Somebody stirred my Kool-Aid too hard and it got all over my bad dude.
A wizard costs a dick wetting spell.
Cast.
Not cost.
No, dick wetting.
No.
Dickus weticus.
Dick wetius.
You got to go back home
because your dick's all wet.
What'd you say?
You guys remember my Harry Potter spell that was like skatis boardias?
Oh, yeah.
It was just like skateboarding.
I like to skateboard.
I like skate backwards headas.
Burritos.
And we ventured far into the draft before the second pick.
Far into the draft.
Well, we're famous for our quickness.
It's time for my second pick.
I'm going from Jew to Jew, as I am wont to do.
And I am sticking with the Bear Jew from Inglourious Bastards.
Yeah.
Yep.
I mean.
Yeah, that's great.
Teddy ball game.
Teddy ball game.
He went yod.
Give me three months in a gym i'll get i'll swole up
eli roth and a baseball bat and like i'll do the fucking like teddy ball game hit it all the way
to lansdale street the fucking eat they fucking knocked it out of fucking park you know i'll do
that i'll talk like my boyfriend when he comes when he comes out and he's got the bat and he's
just tapping his iron cross he goes did you get that for killing Jews?
And that guy, he goes, bravery.
And you're like, oh, it's on like Michelle Kwan.
He is going to pop that head like a grapefruit.
Oh, man.
And he sure does.
I would have fucking loved that.
I mean, Eli Roth, you know, whatever, schmuck.
Like, he is Jewish.
No, he's not.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
No, Eli Roth seems pretty rad to me he's not i don't know oh yeah no he's pretty rad to me
unless something happened i don't know about he's like but he's like i forget that he's like five
six you know what i mean like if you want somebody who's supposed to be the bear jew he's thick don't
get me wrong and he's yeah furry i guess but like a bear jew should be like a bear Jew. You know what I mean? It should be like, oh, shit, a Jew like a bear.
A Jew like a bear.
There's plenty of big Jews.
You know what I mean?
Goldberg, of course.
Seth Rogen.
Some would even say there's plenty of bear Jews.
There's plenty of bear Jews.
I wouldn't because I feel like I'm crossing some kind of line I wasn't aware of.
Feels like you shouldn't be, but yeah.
I can't even give you a pass on this because it's not
the jew thing that we're worried about it's the bear thing it's the bear bear thing yeah
yeah the bears are on thin ice i just i just think i would have a lot of fun with jews are on thick
ice the jews are on thick ice these days we're skating we're doing pirouettes and shit. Man, Thick Ice, Trey XL, and... Christy Yamajuchi.
Oh, I just said Michelle Kwan.
I get it.
I get it.
Christy Yamajuchi is real good.
Trying to think.
No, that's the best one.
There's no other one.
Oksana by Jewel.
There you go.
Yeah, that's good.
That also sounds like a fragrance nancy jew nancy hana
carrigan
it's nancy it's nancy drew and nancy
nancy jew sounds like something you have saved in your phone
like something like something your dad would call you if you wanted to be in a play
fucking nancy jew nancy jew no i'd be like you start dating a girl but like you meet her at a
bar you're like nancy jewish she talked about being jewish and then she's like yeah like oh
i'm gonna text you this cute picture i took of us and then like it shows up on your phone nancy jew
and she's like is that how i'm saved in your phone and like it's over it's over after that
or like the first two things they say when they get to a crime scene or something yeah there's
nancy jew and then you know the rest of this about five six looks like she was strangled nancy jew
how they know she's jewish right off the bat like that uh the big star david that she had around her
neck okay yeah great great great great great uh so the bear jew is my second pick sian time for you a second pick my good friend
uh my second pick i'm going uh brody jason lee and mall rats i've always thought that i could be
like you know people bring up jason lee a lot because i skate and things but that's like the
the best the closest where i'm like yeah i love malls i like i
love i love malls no one's gonna argue that and uh yeah i just think that's i've had that day
numerous times i'm just trying to think like what could i do without having to deviate too much from
how i act yeah and in these first couple picks before i start going crazy i want to get a couple
on the board that are like okay i see what he was trying to do. I love it. Keep talking. I'm going to grab another sparkling water.
Okay.
He just pokes around the mall.
That's a bit I like to do
on Zoom.
When somebody goes to get a drink and say,
can you get me one?
Yeah.
You can grab me one too, will you?
I like that he's doing the buttons in the thing.
That's pretty classy.
It is very classy. The whole kit going on That's pretty classy. It is very classy.
The whole kit going on right now is classy.
Look at that crib.
Also, it's great because you know he's wearing basketball shorts.
I do know that because I saw them earlier.
Are you wearing pants right now?
Are you wearing pants, Sean?
Am I wearing pants?
No, I have basketball shorts on, but nobody thought I didn't.
Yeah, man.
Christy Yamajuchi.
So anyways, I think that's how you solve global warming.
Christy Yamajuchi.
Oh, did you get to the bottom of it?
We did. We did. We did. It was quick.
Started at the top, worked our way down to the bottom. Didn't take us long.
Mallrats, I think, is a good prime Jason Lee.
He's not, again, you don't really have to act too much
there's not a ton of emotion
he gets a little loud when they're in the
dating game which would be tough for me
like when that
Gil guy he goes did she come or what and it was
Jesus Christ Gil
I'd have a tough time doing that
I don't know I think you just nailed it just now
I think you're gonna be good
I bet you're a better actor I don't know. I think you just nailed it just now. You even hit the right. I think you're going to do good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I bet you're a better actor than you think you are, actually.
Thank you.
I really do. I really do think that's true.
I saw you dance on TV once and it was great.
Yeah, I was the face of the beavers for a year.
I saw it.
Sean, could you send me that?
I want to see it.
Yeah, I think I got it in my reel somewhere.
I'll have to wipe the dust off my computer.
But yeah, I think.
Yeah, I'll send. I think I can i can just shit you guys talk for a second i might be able to put it in the chat
frog turkey him maybe you could even i haven't tested this out yet for the live stream but
maybe you could even share your screen oh share your screen oh shit make sure there's no perfect
boobs you have to give me a few minutes to perfect He's definitely locked on to perfectboobs.com right now.
It was not perfect.
It was the boob site is what it was.
If you're going to drag my name through the mud.
Oh, that's right.
You Google Perfect Boobs, though, right?
That's way in the back of the car.
I did Google Perfect Boobs.
Not in the back of the car.
I've just done it before.
Perfect Boobs.
In the back of the car, it was like fully.
Oh, wait, I did in Chicago.
Yeah.
That's what I did. Yeah i am a i am a treasure that's a bad thing to google that's how he knows porn is
real david from earlier yeah yeah are they chocolate covered pretzels or are they what are
they are they yeah yeah then he gets his poop on yeah and it's michael rooker which is it's funny
you don't see michael rooker uh playing serious roles like that ever or not not serious i shouldn't say but um hilarious it's just a weird
role for michael rooker yeah i wouldn't i would never pick this but i could be the the fat dude
who thinks who gets mad that it's not a sailboat what's the actor's name again ethan supley ethan
supley yeah is it supley yeah i i've heard both that is one of the funniest scenes though when he goes uh
oh it's a what's he say it's a it's a schooner he goes oh he goes you dumb bastard it's a sailboat
i just love the way he says oh you dumb bastard it's a sailboat the schooner is a sailboat you
know what what's he say the easter bunny's not real yeah it's pretty rad good movie it's a good film uh great pick shawnee david time for your
second and third picks second pick i think this is obvious we all knew i was gonna take it
i would take i would reprise wesley snipes role in white men can't show yeah absolutely oh sydney dean i would be the new
school sydney dean same hat fuck yeah same same exact hats was it westbrook and who went as uh
sydney and god westbrook and someone went as sydney and uh woody harrelson for
halloween like two years ago and it was so sick. Oh, it was like Nick Collison or something. I mean, listen, if we're
going to sit here
and count the cool white dude
black guy combos who've gone to
Halloween as white men can't jump, we'll be
here forever, guys.
We'll be here all night. In fact, it's pretty crazy
that we haven't done that, David.
Given that we won't really have a Halloween this year,
we can't do it now, but
damn. Can I be Rosie Perez in this situation? Yeah. Only if you're willing to dump one out. Given that we won't really have a Halloween this year, we can't do it now, but... Damn.
Can I be Rosie Perez in this situation?
Yeah.
Only if you're willing to dump one out.
Yeah, you gotta dump one out.
We gotta see it.
Also, how many foods do you know that start with the letter Q?
What is a quince?
I couldn't name one right now.
A quince?
Oh.
I mean, is that a food?
That's a dish.
That's not a... That's an egg.'s an egg do that what if that's a ditch that's top five white male vocalists it is what do you mean
that's a product that's a line we've always known you to split sean always splits the line
between what's a dish and a food when he's fucking shoveling Alfredo sauce.
He's like, no, you know, this is really a dish.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Alfredo sauce is a food that's used on dishes.
You're right.
You dickhead.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
You wash your dishes with Alfredo sauce.
You guys are dishes.
We are dishing.
I'll tell you that right now.
Your dish is dishing. I'll tell you that right now. Your dish is dishing.
Kadeem Hardison from Teenage Bounty Hunters, of course, in the movie White Man Can't Jump.
Would you wear that low tank top, that man cleavage tank top?
It was two.
It was a low double tank.
Yeah.
Because he had a tight one.
I think my man Snipes was rocking if i unless i'm
completely wrong i think it was a low-cut spaghetti strap it is it's like there's a low-cut spaghetti
strap with a thicker strap underneath it but it's like yeah yeah it's thin dude yeah no it's spaghetti
strap for sure hey spaghetti strapped alfredo strapped i still got
that thing on me you know what i mean don't worry about it yeah i know what you mean anybody can get
dinner alfredo strapped that's another good nickname for anybody can get dinner trey xl
that was a dank nickname from the text earlier by the way okay wait a minute david i'm gonna put
some white mink i'm gonna put a white mink can't jump scene into the chat yes and i want you and
sean sean you're billy hoyle because of course you are because you're currently dressed like him
i am dressed like billy what a prick
all right david throw it up i can't read it oh i was like who the fuck is Banks Ian you thought someone hacked the chat
and called themselves Banks Ian
yeah I was like what the fuck
guys we gotta shut this shit down
they found me I'm on the grid
I took one too many ubers
yeah I fucking knew it
why did I live stream that OJ the grid. I took one too many Ubers. Yeah, I fucking knew it.
Why did I live stream that OJ the Juice man?
I should have just paid for it.
No, I'm stoked.
All right, let's go.
All right.
Hey, man, what's the score?
Yo, jump.
I'm talking to you, jump, bitch.
I'm going to ad lib a little bit, just as I feel the character.
I love that.
Please, please, please, feel it out.
Feel it out.
My name ain't Chunk. It's Billy Hoyle. Billy Hoyle.
Billy Hoyle.
Okay, Billy. Can you count to ten, Billy?
Yeah.
Good. What's the score, Billy?
I don't know.
My screen's froze.
Fuck.
It's alright.
It's alright.
You're killing it so far.
It's okay. It's just like it's all right you're killing it like just no it's okay it's okay it's just like i got i got like seven things i gotta close this chat maybe well you're playing
like 18 different poker hands right now right that's the other thing i am stars
i may be a chump i just said that wasn't my name i love it i have chills right now
and i don't think it's because I'm dressed for a spring wedding.
No, no.
You're dressed like Obama when he was taking that stand.
Yeah.
Oh.
That's khaki suit vibes.
Monogram, monogram sleeve.
That was good.
Yeah.
I could totally see you rocking those outfits.
I would like to see you rock those outfits more often.
That was my first draft of what I was going to wear for this stream.
I've never seen you wear a jersey
ever. I have a jersey in my closet right now.
I don't see what's stopping you from getting up and putting it on,
but that's neither here nor there.
I mean, I'll end it out in jersey.
It's so hot up here,
guys. We might all end up in jersey.
Why don't you have a jersey? Let's keep it moving.
What's your next pick?
My next pick is Hancock.
I think I could have been Hancock.
Oh, I love that.
Oh, that'd be good.
That'd be good.
I think I could be Will Smith in Hancock.
Just like super drunk at the beginning and then kind of drunk, but also solving crime
at the end.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Still drunk, but like solving crime at the end.
Yeah. Still drunk. at the end oh yeah yeah yeah yeah still drunk but like solving crime at the end yeah still
yeah still drunk uh you know away from his toxic relationship does he punch a train i think he
stops the train somehow let's go to the chat a train runs in hancock punch a train okay
somebody says hancock from what movie from hey the eponymous one i get it i get it i get it basically what i'm
saying is guys watch out for this joker on quibi starring will smith and myself
i'm the new will smith brought to you by no no the insane clown posse every time i have a problem
real endorsement we get every real fucking ad dollar we get i gotta i'm gonna get a call from
the rock after this dude you know that right come on you know that he's watching good any call
from the rock is a good call that's not true the rock is gonna fucking rip my dick off you want to
create a clive davis situation with the rock is that what you want you only got one dick i thought
clive ripped it off years ago they can both fucking choke up on it like they're fighting
over a baseball bat all right and they're gonna fucking rip my dick off in tandem you ever see
two mules drag a plow that's gonna be my dick and it's gonna be the rock and clive davis those are the fucking mules because of you and your diorama i'm sorry
man it's all right man you're still one of my best friends in the entire world but i'm upset
right now i'm not gonna mince words didn't mean to do it to you i'm not gonna mince words i gotta
fucking go to muso and frank and sit there and not only worry about clive davis anymore but what
if the fucking rock what what do they both walk in i'm trying to have a shrimp cocktail i'm trying
to have a crab louis all right i'm trying to have a fucking spinach dip and then they walk in
crank my dick right off of my body what are they this is your dick cranking move
they walk in and crank my dick how much pepper on there but it's my dick and they're ripping it off
it's a big city but it's a small town sean it a big city, but it's a small town, Sean.
It's a big city, but it's a small town.
All right?
Okay.
All right.
All right.
All right.
I apologize.
Can I go?
Rather you didn't.
All right.
All right.
I'd rather you waited it out a little bit.
I don't want to leave you on that energy.
It's just.
See, I snuck one in.
You weren't even looking.
Fuck, shit.
I hate it. Yeah, it's upsetting's upsetting i don't care it's upsetting it's the baby vulture dab hancock from hancock i can see you doing it i like it and i can see you in a leather french
hancock from hancock uh excellent sean time for your third pick. Uh, my third pick, I was going to pick this gentleman. It was just which movie was the
most reasonable for me to pick. Uh, there's a couple, there's a couple that I would have
rather picked, but if I'm trying to be true to myself and what I've done in my life, then
I have to pick this one movie. So I'm going Tom Cruise in cocktail.
Oh yeah. life then i have to pick this one movie so i'm going tom cruise in cocktail oh yeah i have bartended a bunch i'm good at it uh he again not a huge range coming from tom in cocktail not a big
range he's got range not a lot of it in cocktail so i'm like hippie shake yeah he's just bubbly
and he gets on the bar and does the
speeches and and i'm like do you want to do the bartender's prayer for us can i well i don't know
it off top can you put it in the chat i'll put it in the chat oh with the singapore sling there's
nothing problematic in there is there i haven't i haven't gone over the script in a while do you
feel like as a bartender you were similar to tom cruise in that movie i
feel like sometimes i hit that lane like i have my lane but sometimes when i would just like feeling
it i would get a little where i'm like man this this is fun i'm having a good time you're chatting
people up small talking uh so sometimes were you spinning bottles sometimes we i could never like
flare bartend but i worked with a couple you know shane can spin them bottles. Sometimes we I could never like flare bartend.
But I worked with a couple of Shane can spin them bottles. Right.
I sure do.
I sure do.
What a.
So fun that you brought that up.
I sure do know that he could spin those bottles.
I worked with a guy named Vinnie who used to have like they had those.
They would tape their bottles so they could like spin them in practice and drop them and it wouldn't matter.
they would tape their bottles so they could spin them in practice and drop
them and it wouldn't matter.
I worked with a couple dudes who had those
and I think I could have done some flare bartending
at some point. I never did, but we would do
this thing like, whoa, like that.
Whoa!
Yeah, I had fun.
Whoa, look at how tall this is.
Look at this drink.
Look at him jerking off this giant drink over here.
Look at me jerk off this giant drink over here. We're going to be jerked off this whale bone.
What is this?
Two hours into our Vegas trip?
You count the drive.
It was like six hours into the trip.
We don't count the drive.
I will not be jerked off by a whale bone.
I do the jerking off.
Okay.
That's one thing about me.
I do the jerking off.
I've always said that about you.
Like for years. Oh, this is a whole thing the last barman poet all right okay man this is gonna be all right it's gonna be tough i am the last barman poet i see america drinking the fabulous
cocktails i make americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake.
The sex on the beach, the schnapps made from peach,
the velvet hammer, the Alabama slammer.
I make things with juice and froth.
The pink squirrel, the three-toed sloth.
I make drinks so sweet and snazzy.
The iced tea.
The kamikaze.
The orgasm.
The death spasm.
The Singapore sling.
The ding-a-ling.
America.
You've just been devoted to every flavor I've got.
But if you want to get loaded,
why don't you just order a shot?
The bar is open!
Go Broncos!
See, now, if I could memorize that,
I could do the kamikaze.
He's got to get that smile.
Also, I need to get rid of this.
Doesn't he rock his hips at one point?
He was standing on the bar.
I mean, it's tough to do when you're slouched.
He's like the doom and gloom, right? The hippie hippie shake, yeah. Oh, it's tough to do when you're slouched. He's like the ding-a-ling, right?
The hippy, hippy shake, yeah.
Oh, yeah, he does it all.
Yeah, yeah.
He gets in there.
I heard Tom Cruise could throw that ass in a circle.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure he could.
Yeah, I read that on Reddit so long.
Not a lot.
Not a lot.
You're not going to find me saying there's a lot he can't do.
So, yeah.
Anyway, yeah.
Tom Cruise and cocktail.
And if you guys would indulge me i'm going to run
to the bathroom just for a second it's right here i'll be right back coach also if saint sue is still
here uh bye thanks for joining us for a little bit she messaged saying she had to leave she had
to leave yeah bye mom bye bye mom what do you think Sean's doing, a one or a two?
I think he's pooping.
But he said he'd be one sec.
Yeah, he's... That's gotta be a pee-pee.
No, he's a speed pooper.
Yeah, he's the type who could really knock it out in a minute.
Yeah.
Like, he handles all his business pretty fast.
I'm trying to find this picture of me and Tom Cruise.
Dude.
Like, doing a cocktail thing.
What's he smell like?
He smells good.
I told you.
That the first time we shot anything with them, we were on the boat on the River Thames.
And it was very.
You did tell me that because I always remember that's a hilarious place to be with Tom Cruise.
The River Thames.
And it was super hot.
And for some reason, he decided to wear a suede shirt.
So Tom Cruise.
So he had to take it off all the time because he couldn't sweat through it for continuity.
And his assistant just had to hold his shirt and like blow fans on him while he stood there shirtless on this boat.
We have a special guest who's in the waiting room.
Should we let them in?
Oh, okay.
Oh, do we?
Yes, we do, don't we?
Oh, yeah.
Let's let the special guest in.
I'm thrilled about it.
All right.
Here they come.
Everybody want to see this?
Ding dong.
No!
Playboy!
There he is.
How you living? I'm happy to see four of you.
Three of you.
There's four of us.
You have big fucking idiots.
So I'm happy that you don't have the kind of physique to be wearing that
without an undershirt.
I'll tell you that right now.
That's a look at him though.
Look at the pipes though.
He looks great.
Marissa,
stop being nice.
That's impossible.
She's never stopped being nice and she never will
and don't you dare talk to her like that
ever again
hey there shaney boy
how you doing
I'm good man I'm good
it's good it's good to be back in New York
I'm happy I'm enjoying it
the king of New York you're out there doing shows and stuff right
yeah in parks and rooftops and wherever else
that son
of a bitch Cuomo will let me do it.
That motherfucker Cuomo will
get him.
Now everybody knows. Get him, dude.
Let him know. He's watching.
Rivers Cuomo is watching.
He's related to him. Do you know that?
What? Really? No, don't tell me that they're related is this one
is this a chain liar is this real no this is like you can look at it it might be a lie but
i saw it on wikipedia it is known it's known it is known it is known and you look great
thank you very much your face is thinned out so much i mean that yeah like you like i can tell
yeah all the way it's gone to my ego,
my friend.
Are you at
Spatton's right now or what are you doing?
No, no.
I have this trio of friends.
We have this text thread called
Too Many D-Tech.
It's the Migos, right?
I said friends.
It's Quavo, Offset, and Takeoff.
Well, Shane's been known to count Spinderella,
so it's Salt Peppa and Spinderella.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Spinderella counts.
Yeah, Spinderella for sure.
Yeah.
But we have this thing.
They're all comics, and we all just hang out,
and we don't do anything comedy-related.
I don't like you hanging out with other comedians.
I don't know you know that with other comedians. Bad influence.
It's a bad influence.
Who are the other comedians?
Do any of them have as good of credits as you?
They're all doing better than me, actually.
Oh, no!
They all sound racist to me. You should stop hanging out.
It's Emmy Blotnick,
Alison Leiby, and Rob Dean.
Oh, yeah. I love all of them.
Yeah, they're great people.
Are we on right now?
Oh, yeah.
Well, Sean told me to jump in at 830.
I said 530 because I don't live in New York like a savage, but that's neither here nor
there.
I live on the West Coast, my friend.
Oh, yeah.
We're live on YouTube.
The chat's going crazy for you.
Oh, good.
Good.
Well, tell him to stop tweeting mean shit at me.
I'm drinking Terra Mana, the tequila brought to us exclusively by Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Is that for real?
Yeah.
He has a tequila brand.
I don't know.
I don't know about that.
I'm drinking it with that Texas swamp water.
Oh.
Well, it clearly says made in Mexico on that.
Oh, yeah.
That's South Texas swamp water.
David, I missed you.
How are you, buddy?
I miss you, too, man.
It's good to see you.
You, too.
I have nothing crazy to say.
I'm sorry.
Oh, cool.
You guys are nice to each other and just pleasant.
I want to pop the suit jacket off.
Yeah, that's the whole.
So that's the whole nature of Shane and I's relationship.
It's based on a mutual respect
of each other.
Not just somebody. You'll notice, Ian,
did you know this, Shane, that Ian's won an Emmy?
It's back up there. Christ, of course it is.
So you got, don't pick it yet, but you got to pick
for yourself. Is there a role you think you'd be great at
in a movie? Has something been picked already?
We've gone three rounds.
Is it just you three?
Yeah, it's just us three.
You, you're the big surprise.
I'm so sorry, everybody.
I am too. I wish you would have put a little more
thought into what you're wearing, but that's neither here nor there.
Your hair looks great, I'll tell you that.
Thank you. I think I look nice.
You do look nice. I was just being a dick,
because I'm a dick to you all the time.
He is a dick to you. You do look nice. I was just being a dick because I'm a dick to you all the time. Yeah, you are.
He is a dick to you.
You're not a nice person.
We've gone three rounds.
I just picked Tom Cruise and cocktail.
I think that I could reprise the role of Tom Cruise and cocktail. No.
You're like, what makes you think you would be good at that?
Jesus Christ.
I've been drunk a few times. you're like what what makes you think you would be good at that that's obscene that's like a dub that's like me being like oh i should have been the lead role
and above the rim like it doesn't make any goddamn sense you think you should have been
kyle lee watson and above the rim if you you're Tom Cruise in Cocktail, then I, then, yeah,
I'm 100%
Kyle Lee Watson.
I made it to Georgetown.
I'm a whore.
RIP,
John Thompson.
Oh, man.
I watched Menace
the other day
and I thought about you.
It's weird that I think
about you when I watch
Menace to Society.
Yeah, it's weird that
anyone would think about me
when Menace to Society
is on.
I have nothing in common
with that film.
Nah, it's too late. Yeah film. Now it's too late.
Now it's too late.
Get up, Kane.
So you picked Tom Cruise and Cocktail.
Oh, Cartwheel threw his own shirt on.
Jesus Christ.
I don't know if you're branding yourself strong enough, Ian.
I want to see that shirt.
Are you talking about Ian Carmel from Game On, CBS, Wednesdays at 8 o'clock?
I was going to say from the Late Night Show with James Corden.
Also that.
Also that.
Yeah.
So you picked Tom Cruise in Cocktail.
Do you even remember the character's name?
No.
You don't get to pick that.
You don't get to pick that.
Oh, adjudicating.
Give me a hint.
What's the first letter of his name?
D.
D? Yeah. He doesn't know it. D he doesn't know it it's definitely not D
he's Dougie Fresh Bartender
it's B
fuck you dickhead
it's an Irish last name and a first name with a B in it
Ryan Flanagan
I got it first fuck you
I get it
you can't pick it
I've been on this call for 10 seconds and I caught up to where you were at.
Wow.
How fucking hard.
Fucking simpleton.
Gonna be hard to get into the pageant without a face, Sean.
Yeah.
Damn, you ripped it off.
What are you drinking?
Holy water, Shane?
It's a beer you guys don't have out on the West Coast yet.
Oh, so it's a bad beer, huh?
Yeah.
It's COVID too.
It's an immunity oh no oh okay
so what time did the broadcast start eight uh noon noon what noon
started yesterday but we're getting money for jerry's laura left me she's gone i don't know
raising money to buy sean some sleeves so Laura left you? Finally some good news
in the world.
What else got
picked so far?
I don't want to...
You don't want to step on our previous pick?
Is that like Ian and David
and I couldn't go out for some of the same roles?
I'm sure we have.
I think we have.
I took Tevye and the bear
jew from uh inglorious bastards so it's been a very jewish draft for me which could be said of
every draft i've ever done yeah i took sister act and white men can't jump and i took daniel
larusso and then uh i picked brody from mall rats and then Brian from Cocktail. Brian.
It's weird that you see yourself as a leading man.
Jesus Christ.
That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me
and you've said some mean shit.
The honesty
that just came flying out of your
throat was so gnarly.
I've had a couple of Aperol spritzes.
You weren't even kidding.
You were just like, oh, it's weird that you
see yourself as a leading man.
Yeah.
No wonder I don't have
sleeves on. So who am I picking? Am I picking
for someone right now or is it just
for you? Oh, man.
Exactly what I texted you, you fucking
galoot. I'm going to say
I was going to say...
I was going to say Kyle Lee Watson, but
I will go with
Frenchie from The Departed.
Oh!
That would be
great.
I love that.
That would be great.
Shane, right here.
I might not be a lead, but I'm definitely I love that Shane right here I've pulled myself
I might not be a lead but I'm definitely a guy
who's gonna be in a lot of stuff
dude good job
just a real nasty cracker
just a real shitty dude
his name was Mr. French
Mr. French
that's not a guy you can't hit
but it definitely is a guy you can hit
you know that part when he turns around and says what the fuck did you say to me Yeah. That's not a guy you can't hit, but it definitely is the guy you can hit. Yeah. You know,
that part when he basically turns around,
what the fuck did you say to me?
And then he pops him like five times.
I'm reliable.
Do you know who else you could be?
Who's a similar?
I can't wait.
No,
no, no,
no.
I don't think you're going to be insulted.
There was a plate of spaghetti in Goodfellas.
You know,
the swamp that that horse dies in and uh the never did no um you could you could
also be grandma from uh from yeah from rounders dude like kind of a similar kind of character
oh oh yeah yeah uh yeah the guy that takes all worms debt and uh. Yeah. Definitely not a hero is what I'm seeing.
I do want to know what do you guys
what and you said grandma David who
do you see me playing Danny
DeVito and twins.
But then here's the flip
Ian Schwarzenegger.
Yeah.
Same exact shot for shot
remake though
I found, Sansou Carmel sent me
the, oh hold on I'll do the screen share Mars
um
sent me the picture
I think that you were the bog of eternal
stench in Labyrinth
that's very sweet of you Sean
can we all see that
what is this
what is that
this is from the sketch we were shooting
in London
that's Tom Cruise we were shooting a cocktail
parody so that's me
that's Brian Flanagan
this is the
this is me this is my second chin
this is a late late show hoodie
and that's fucking Brian Flanagan, dude.
He had just poured a bunch of fake liquor down my throat.
God, that's sick.
Who's the dreads?
Is that Vanilli from Milli Vanilli?
That's Vanilli, dude.
Yeah.
I can tell.
That's actually Screwface from Marked for Death.
It's also Eagle Eye Cherry.
All of Eagle Eye Cherry.
Yeah.
It's a lot of people.
It's the primitive radio god. It's the primitive radio god. It's the lead singer of Four Non Blond it's a lot of people it's the primitive radio god
it's the primitive radio it's the lead singer of four non-blondes with a filter on
she's a big songwriter yeah what's her name um yeah she's great yeah she wrote a bunch of shit
for like christina aguilera back in the day that's uh that's ian's go-to song yeah on on
the karaoke that's how you do it I can't wait to do karaoke again.
Someday, man.
Oh, God.
Is that allowed in L.A. yet?
To be fiending?
Yeah.
Fiending is allowed.
Even if it is, I'm not going anywhere where you can do karaoke.
Maybe a rooftop.
I might just do it alone.
I might just go to the door-to-door.
Yeah, you can just do it in your house.
Like caroling.
But to sing What's Up by Four Names Blondes.
Oh, some September caroling?
Carmeli-oke?
Carmeli-oke.
Man, French is a good pick, dude.
French is a great pick.
I also thought Jerry O'Connell and Stand By Me,
like a chubby little boy.
I thought that would have been a good pick.
Yeah.
But we know he's handsome.
I'd say Tina Turner and Beyond Thunderdome.
This is harder to...
Will you sing for me real quick?
What?
We don't need another hero.
We don't need another hero.
Will you say Master Blaster?
Master Blaster.
I don't know how she says it.
No, the way you said it was good.
Yeah, you were getting there. David?
Master Blaster!
Let me do it again.
Will you say welcome to...
Give me another cut.
Scene or action.
He's been giving us fucking whole scenes from movies.
All right.
Roll.
Action.
Mr. Blaster.
Oh, great.
I'm sorry.
That was such a long walk for that kind of dog.
It's all right.
Shane fucked it up again.
So, you know.
Mr. Blaster.
Mr. Blaster. I didn't even sound like so, you know. Mr. Blaster! Mr. Blaster!
I didn't even sound like that, you dicks!
Oh, Mr. Blaster!
The key grips stand and they're like, you know, it's a union job I got.
It was a union job.
I got a union 15, so.
I walk an egg no matter what.
Whether you get it or not.
I got kids.
I live in Reseda, okay?
We're in Pismo Beach.
I live in Reseda.
I don't know. i don't understand your
geographic references i'm sorry uh i live in long island and we're in manhattan you get it now
you know it's like weird if you guys are like
you guys act like i'm like i'm mr new york like i walk around like i wear a yankees cap and i was
born on a dump truck you definitely don't look like mr new york i'll tell you that if i if
somebody said what does mr new york look like this and your fucking insults for me is you make
up things i don't do you pricks me i'm still happy to see you, pal.
I've been doing nothing but loving and supporting you.
You know exactly who the culprit in this case is.
I'm being the asshole.
I don't like how you always throw Sean under the bus, though.
I feel like you know you do stuff.
Get him.
Shut up, Sean.
I don't need your fucking help here.
He's a fall guy.
He's a toady.
You know what this is.
Yeah, I know exactly what he is.
He sucks.
You're the emperor.
He's Darth Vader, except both of you suck.
Those guys were on the right side of history.
I'll take Darth Vader.
Let the hate flow through you.
Oh, man.
I can feel your anger.
David, you're Han Solo or someone else people love.
I'll take that.
Shane, now it's funny you bring that up, Shane.
Do you remember when you thought his name was Hans Solo?
I sure do.
Yeah, I sure do.
You thought he was a gorgeous Swedish acrobat named Hans Solo?
I do.
I didn't think that.
And I don't think that's that crazy a jump still.
Like, I don't think I missed it by that.
Who else in the Star Wars universe?
You know what?
Caution to the wind talked to you like that?
Luke?
Luke is a name.
You didn't let me finish, you bullhorn of a person. Besides Luke, who else has a name like that? Luke? Luke is a name. You didn't let me finish, you bullhorn of a person.
Besides Luke, who else
has a name like Hans?
Ian is the bullhorn of the group.
For sure he is.
Hans is even
stepping close to Hans.
I feel like Leia is a name you could see
in a regular world.
I have two cousins named Darth.
That feels like a personal issue.
They didn't teach the young Torres boys how to spell.
It's Barf. Your cousins' names are Barf.
You don't talk about my family.
I talk about my family.
I will say that they scared me.
Yeah, yeah.
Keep talking about them then. I say don't do scared me. Yeah, yeah. Keep talking about
them then. This is what you do. I say
don't do something. You're like, okay, I won't.
And then immediately you do
exactly that thing on this
broadcast. Like that is
exactly what you do that.
We'll see.
I bet you'll say something dumb as soon as
I get off this fucking thing.
It's gonna happen.
I can't tell if you're pixelated or your rosacea has gotten worse.
Oh, and I'm not allowed to stick up for myself is what you're saying.
Apparently, I'm not.
Don't let him play the victim on you like that.
I'm not.
Someone could run in and cut his fucking foot off right now.
Someone could run in and cut his fucking foot off right now And I'd
I'd say
I hope I can see the color leave his skin
Is what I would say
This fucking dickhead
He's got the nerve to show up
In a jersey
Like he deserves that
I had a suit on
David's in a really nice polo with buttons on it.
David looks great.
Ian, the suit was amazing.
Thank you.
Marissa is as stunning as ever.
Of course.
And Sean, I, you know.
Sean's doing Mike Malloy cosplay.
Yeah.
Sure am.
Sure am.
I'm out here making people sit in puddles and whatnot.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Well, I don't know what else we do now.
Do I keep talking?
Well, it's time for my pick.
I think you need to get out of here.
You think I need to get out of here?
I wasn't talking to you, you fucking nothing.
Ian, please make your pick.
You don't have to leave.
Thank you.
I don't want to make an executive decision.
Hey, Sean, shut up.
How's that feel?
Once a week, I tune into this podcast to hear you guys all make fun of me.
Like, Sean, I pay for Ubers all of a sudden.
He's wearing a mask that says kind because he likes kind.
Kind of a dumbass is what the backside says.
Nice.
Kind is generous.
All right.
I'm going to take,
uh,
I'm going to take the movie is the bounty from 1984.
Uh,
a,
a retelling of the,
the mutiny on the bounty.
And I'm going to take Anthony Hopkins role of,
uh, of captain bligh
or lieutenant william bligh the captain of the ship okay has has anyone seen it no that's pretty
pretty obscure he's just well it's a it's a fucking great movie it's on it's on amazon right
now and he's just a very british captain of a sailing ship but he's like insane he's like
damn you men damn you men! Damn you men!
We're going to sail around the horn! We're going to
sail around the horn! We're going to reach Southeast Asia!
We're going to sail around the horn! We're going to reach
Tahiti! Damn you men!
Damn you men! Have you no faith? Have you no faith
in your captain? Have you no faith in your
captain? Damn your eyes! We're going to sail around
the Cape! Like that.
Wow. I think you pretty much just
did. That's crazy crazy that feels like a pick
that you knew you could nail yeah you have all the chops for it exactly maybe not exactly
a role to your soul like it doesn't seem like a call like shane's out here getting people i'm not
saying he couldn't crush it but i feel like that's like, yes, I'll do this job.
This is the project I'm going to work on this
year, not the project I want to work
on. I'm going to. So what's going to happen
now? What's going to happen now
is
I'm going to receive that criticism.
Leaving that
criticism. Receiving.
How dare you criticize your captain Shane Torres
how dare you stand on this deck
and criticize me
here I'm in stole my men in these roiling seas
just off the Cape of Good Hope
you would criticize me
I'll run you aground ten times over
damn your eyes Shane Torres
I'll run this whole ship aground
we hadn't had to stop and see
the island women.
We wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
The entire purpose of the journey was to see the island women.
Damn you, man.
Damn you, man.
Have you no sense?
Aye, aye, aye.
Have you no sense of that head of yours?
It's three days hard labor and hard tax time.
And for you, good man, my good man, my good man.
That's pretty good.
I'm saying, dude.
See?
My good man, my good man, my good man.
My good man, my good man.
Has all sense left your head, my good man.
Damn you, damn you, damn you,
to criticize me in front of all my men
on this stout sailing ship.
I served 13 years in the King's Navy.
Damn you.
Isn't it the Queen's Navy?
Damn you.
This was earlier.
This was before all that.
That was really good, man. That was awesome. This is like way before all that that was great that was really good man
that was awesome this is like way before all that
this is like crazy earlier dude
can I stick around for one more pick before
yes yeah yeah absolutely
do you want to make that do you want to make my next pick
do you want to give me a roll
oh yes and then I and then I will
go but yeah perfect
so it's my fourth pick.
And Shane, it's up to you to assign me that pick.
Oh, you're hot cornered.
I'm hot cornered?
Oh, you know me.
Hot corner.
So what is off the table is Brian Flanagan and cocktail.
That's right.
So don't give me that.
Why'd you do the jack off motion?
Are we in middle school?
What'd you do that for?
Because you're a fucking simple man.
I wanted you to be able to understand it.
Cool.
Great.
I thank you.
Yeah.
That's pretty rad of you.
Groovy to far out kind of way,
but way to be prolific.
Oh,
got,
got it.
Sorry.
I made this show before and Ian knows it,
but I'm going to say hot pie.
No,
that's a TV show.
It was the only movies.
We're only doing.
Shane,
did you only Only movies.
Shane, I don't know if they have a theater in Bed-Stuy
that played the Game of Thrones movie
that no one's ever seen,
but yeah, this is a movie situation.
Is Bed-Stuy the joke there?
What are you talking...
What is he...
Well, yeah, what was that joke?
Another brilliant drop-in from Sean.
Oh.
This is Sean killing.
This is what it sounds like when...
This is what it sounds like when Sean Jordan kills
well we better get going
because the bus is coming
you fucking
suck
I'm going to say
Ian is
maybe one of my favorite movies of all time
John Candy
Uncle Buck.
Oh! Thank you very
much! For sure. That's fantastic.
The likability is there.
Thank you. There's a charm.
You can work in that space. You can be scary.
What was the guy's name when he goes,
when he's like, Bug, is it? When he's holding the power drill?
Yeah.
Ian, just say,
show me up tomorrow and I'll walk you to class in my bathrobe and slippers. Show me up tomorrow and I'll walk you to class in my bathrobe
and slippers.
Show me up tomorrow and I'll walk you to the...
Sorry, I've had some terramina.
Show me up tomorrow and I'll walk you to your classroom
in a bathrobe and slippers. Don't try me.
Bug, is it?
You have a power drill
sitting there.
I can't believe that.
It's not charged, but you know but I'm in a new house.
You have a Howard
Hehold bug, is it?
Bug, is it? Oh my god.
Now give me one.
You've seen the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door.
You've seen the toast. I couldn't even
get it through the door.
I only know his lines from Home Alone.
Give me a John Candy laugh.
What's like a John Candy laugh?
It's kind of like smirking
and it's not huge,
but it's very present.
It's like a sweet chuckle.
Like he just screwed up.
It's when you realize you put the perfect amount of syrup
on your pancakes.
Yeah. There it it is I love that
Thank you Shane, that's so nice
I love that, that's a great pick for you
I think you can play Brad Pitt in any movie he's ever been in
Thank you
Except for when he takes his shirt off
Especially when he takes his shirt off
Thank you
Oh man, this was a fun little Saturday night treat.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thanks for joining us.
Of course.
Marissa, anything for you.
You know that.
I miss you, Shane.
I miss you, too.
When are you coming back stateside?
Oh, if Trump gets reelected,
probably never.
Oh, really?
Is it going now?
Yeah, I think if that happens,
I will probably.
I will say,
I did order an Irish passport. Oh, good for you. That sounds like it's a code word for something. Yeah, I think if that happens, I will probably. I will say I did order an Irish passport.
Oh, good for you.
That sounds like it's a code word for something.
Yeah, I was going to say, that's when you get seven Irish car bombs and they call it a passport.
That means I'm going to hit Sean in the back of the head with a bottle of Guinness.
That's what they called your tab at the end of the night the other day.
Here's your Irish passport.
And you have been traveling.
night the other day. Here's your Irish passport.
And you have been traveling.
But I might be in
LA at the end of the month. I have a whole
bedroom for you to stay in. Please come out.
My backyard is all cute now.
Shane, do you have anything you want to promote?
Yeah, actually.
It's called Fuck Sean. It's not
great, but the
content is as bad as it is. What is Fuck Sean. It's not great, but the content is as bad as it gets.
What is it?
What is Fuck Sean?
What is Fuck Sean?
Yeah, yeah.
All right, I backed you into a corner and you can't wisecrack your way out, huh?
You didn't back me into shit, you fucking blip.
You laugh like you're going to die of lung cancer the way you hiss.
Hit the leave meeting button already.
Actually, no.
It looks like I'll be doing more drive-in movie theaters with Bert Kreischer in October.
Yes.
And also, guest of the podcast, Kyle Kinane and I are starting a podcast together.
Oh, I love that.
What's it called?
It's called No Accounting for Taste.
So that should be coming out soon.
But we're also doing a live stream on an app called Chalk.
I don't know if anybody knows what it is or people even give a shit.
But it's going to be this Thursday at 11 o'clock Eastern, five o'clock West Coast time.
So this coming Thursday, September 10th.
Cool.
Fuck yeah.
That sounds amazing.
So we're going to talk about things people shit on,
but don't necessarily have to.
Could you say what time again?
Because this episode,
the recorded one will be dropping on Thursday.
So listeners who are listening now could check that out.
But what time was it again?
Marissa, I refuse.
No, I'm sorry.
Damn, don't you.
You'll do nothing of the sort.
Or come to New York.
Marissa, you know, that was just a cute little barb.
I have no ill will towards you whatsoever.
We'll kill you, Shane.
We'll fucking kill you.
You guys wouldn't dare come to my city.
You don't stand a chance here.
You don't think I can blend in immediately?
No, I don't think
the six foot three Jewish man
who's always on TV is going to blend in.
I think someone's going to see you
and be like, is that Ian Carmel?
It's going to be
11 o'clock Eastern
by 8 o'clock West
Pacific. I'm a little drunk.
8 o'clock Western? Is that what you're
going to say? 8 o'clock Eastern, 9 o'clock Western
10 o'clock all the time everywhere.
11 o'clock
Atlantic
8 o'clock Pacific.
Is your bed close by?
No.
We live it up up here.
No beds! New York City
late nights.
We sleep on the train!
The city that never sleeps
for a reason.
Yeah, it's like, that's what it is.
Some guy tried to open a mattress store here,
went broke in two seconds.
We ran him out of town.
I'm drunk.
This was a fun time.
Thanks, Shane.
I love you guys.
Ian, I love you.
I'm going to skip right over Sean.
I love you, buddy.
I would do anything for you.
I adore you, too.
Sean, I love you, but suck shit.
Take care.
Thanks for everything guys bye
take care be safe
very well
he goes I love you but suck
shit
Sean tell me your fourth pick
my fourth pick I wanted to work
an emo boy in so I'm going Ethan
Embry in Can't Hardly Wait
oh yeah
I always thought I could do that I remember when I saw that I was like So I'm going Ethan Embry in Can't Hardly Wait. Oh, yeah.
I always thought I could do that.
I remember when I saw that, I had a crush on a girl that looked oddly like Jennifer Love Hewitt in that movie.
And I was right at that time in high school.
And I was like, I could do this.
I'm all bummed out, but still kind of charming and likable.
So yeah, I've always thought I could be Ethan Embry and can't hardly wait.
He wears t-shirts sometimes.
So he's kind of tall and he wears t-shirts sometimes.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
Preston though, you know, he's just like,
it's just Preston.
It's Preston.
One of those guys is of note.
One of those two burnouts is,
oh, it's like someone that someone that we would know
god darn it um let me look it up i haven't seen that movie in a long time one of those two dudes
in the chair is maybe it's like it's not like nick thune um damn it no anyway uh it doesn't
matter neither here nor there i think i'd be a good ethan embry um in can't hardly wait i love
that pick for you yeah yeah i like it i've
loved that movie uh i love a good teen movie i love a good rom-com that's kind of right in there
with both so yeah i like a soap opera and uh again not a huge range in that movie yeah you're picking
a lot of dudes that look like you which i like i can see you in all these roles you look like tom
cruise you look a little bit like ethan tom cruise you look a little bit like ethan
embry you look a little bit like jason lee damn dude what are you trying to do i'm never gonna
wear sleeves again you keep saying shit like that i want to sleep with you i'm trying to get laid
bro i am like i am drunk and i because i haven't had a drink in forever i've probably had like two
and a half drinks and i am may time be end my friend my last pick is gonna prove it too i i'm happy that you
just said that because i made all very reasonable picks and my last pick is gonna be insane
and i hope you let it happen i i will yeah i'm not getting in the way of anything at this point
you could pick marissa and just start living life as her producing our podcast all that shit
then marissa's you it's a good life. Yeah. You could go to
Beat Saber and be tight. Marissa,
you're fucking rad, by the way.
Oh, thank you. You're welcome. Here we are.
David, Ian, you too, but Marissa,
you're fucking rad. Thanks.
I echo that sentiment.
David, time for your fourth
and final picks.
My fourth pick?
I think I could be Lieutenant dan oh yeah yes yes you sure could
be lieutenant dan i think i could be from the beginning when he's like better tuck that thing
in or get it caught on a trip wire and then later when he's like i'll be magic legs i'll be when he's like
stuff in the spaceships can we see you like up on the uh up on the the the bridge of the shrimp boat
just like yelling at god come for me god come for me yeah there are other people show yourself you coward
oh boy
that is the
that's all you got
like damn dude
you don't have any legs lieutenant
I have a taste for more
and then just showing up all
plastered with your wait a minute is poetry
happening Vietnamese wife
yeah oh yeah oh yeah
I went back from once I came because they were in Vietnam you see Wait a minute. Is poetry happening? Vietnamese wife? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I went back from what's okay.
Because they were in Vietnam, you see.
They were in Vietnam.
They were in the NAMM. I haven't watched.
Is Forrest Gump a good movie?
Because I haven't watched it in forever.
It is, right?
My heart will get too caught up.
I can't tell you the answer to that.
I'm sorry to do this.
I have to go to the bathroom again.
But when I come back, yes, it is a good movie.
And here's why.
Sean's about to use the bathroom. But when we come back, yes, it is a good movie, and here's why. Sean's about to use the bathroom, but when we come back,
he explains why Forrest Gump is indeed
a good movie. It's actually
a good movie. He's just going to say because it
makes you feel good. David,
you're an announcer. Will you give us a, when Sean comes
back? You want me?
Oh. When Sean comes back,
we'll discuss, is
that or is it not chutney?
Lower your tone. we'll discuss is that or is it not chutney that's not even my job my job is mostly just like you're watching the office again it's time for tosh.0 and then you know some other shit Tosh.0 Tosh.0
Ian have you considered going into voice acting
nobody's interested
I've flown the flag and nobody's saluting to it
I mean you've proven
to be so good at it
thank you I mean I
I would absolutely do it
I would love to voice a character
but uh
it's just the people aren't biting Marissa.
You can throw that.
You can throw the lures out.
And if the fish aren't biting,
you know,
I think I freeze up when there's a script in front of me,
but if David and I were to improvise a cartoon.
Yeah,
dude,
now it's dude.
I've auditioned for so many cartoons lately.
Is that what we're supposed to be talking about on here?
I don't know.
I think so.
I think so.
Nobody's watching right there at this point.
Yeah.
Nobody's watching. Also. I'm so hot. hot yeah it's gotta be so hot up there polo it's i'm upstairs
for some reason why are you upstairs i just wanted to be fancy for you guys i don't know man
i did a whole different setup too i'm in like my kit my computer's on my kitchen island right now
yeah like this is it's like the
live stream so we church it up a little bit yeah anyway that's why I think we get rid of him and
then we bring in a different yeah then we just kill Sean yeah just like I was thinking like
oh what's up Sean saw that comment and you know it's my fault I'll take. What was I about to tell you why Forrest Gump is a good movie?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Forrest Gump is a great movie.
There's like a couple things that are a little bit too on the nose.
One of them is the HIV thing where, you know, she's like, I have this thing and they don't
know what it is.
And you're like, everything, everything.
Yeah.
But, you know, like that.
And then I honestly, maybe that's it i love the
rest of it how it's fun that like he met elvis he like he met jfk like he was he invested in apple
all this stuff i think it's fun and the movie knows he made the smiley face
oh thank you that was the other one that was the other one where it's just a little too much
where like a smiley face it's a little it's a little too weird for me it's a smiley face and the hiv thing
yeah but the rest of it i'm like oh what's up king how you living what happened yeah dude
david turned into a king that's what happened dude i just it had to happen it had to happen
this is a first yeah team's Team's off. Team's off.
Whoa.
Oh yeah.
I have chest hair patches that are empty because I had to wear a heart
monitor briefly,
but everything's all good with your boy.
Uh,
yeah.
A lot cooler down here.
I like this.
Yeah.
Thank you guys for joining me in that.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
What are we in the,
what are we in the pit at the me first in the gimme gimme show?
This feels like the first five minutes of a D'angelo joint i think this is a new podcast
i think this is different shirts off let's talk this is a difference this is very different i
feel a little more vulnerable it feels different for sure marissa i'm sorry i'm sorry if this is
just a whole new podcast yeah this, this is very, very different.
Yeah.
Should we cruise through these last picks?
And David, your final pick.
Oh, my final pick.
Oh, I think I could do Dice's role in A Star is Born.
The dad.
Oh, good job.
That's such a good pick. Oh, I need more mixer in that drink.
Oh, it's been a minute.
That's such a great pick. Oh, I need more mixer in that drink. Oh, it's been a minute. That's such a great pick.
What's his name?
Andrew Dice Clay.
I don't know his role or his name in the movie, but it's Dice's character.
It's Lady Gaga Dad.
Yeah, Gaga Dad.
Gaga Dad.
I think his name in the movie is Gaga Dad.
Gaga Dad.
It says my internet connection is unstable.
It's the shirts. It's probably because all the beef well it's definitely we got we got two hours out of it so you know whatever
the internet's got to do now is i guess that's his whole thing is like i could have been you know
could have been i could have been successful but that's the industry that's the industry i'm driving you around i like it hey he's got like a mellow new york accent which i really
appreciate you know he's got that yeah it's like a chill i had the voice i had the voice
who is it that told him he had a good voice it wasn't was it not frank sinatra it was like
another crooner it was like a lower grade crooner that The told, oh, it wasn't Dean Martin, was it?
It was The Velvet Fog.
It wasn't Dean Martin. Was it Dean Martin?
No, no.
No?
Dude, the first hour of that movie is the best movie.
Yeah, it's, the second half of that movie gets real tough for me.
Mel Torme?
No, it wasn't Mel Torme.
Mel Torme, by the way.
Mel Torme's Dream a Little Dream?
Forget about it.
Dream a little dream.
Talking about The Velvet Fog? Mel Tormean. The Velvet Fog. little dream forget about it dream a little dream mel tormean the velvet fog the velvet the jewish
trumpet sings the velvet fog ian carmel does mel torme all right i could totally say i could
totally see you nail on that having a bunch of other limo driver friends yeah we like playing
cards smoking cigarettes yeah yeah i think that would be great not really
understanding how youtube like just finding out how youtube works but then explaining it to your
friend holding like now i gotta hold it sideways but you can see look at the views look at the
views look at the view that's such a sweet thing because that's so like realistic is like him like
learning how youtube works and then like explaining absolutely buddies and everything
it's it's so sweet.
100%.
Oh, is Mike watching?
Mike just texted us and said, that's my bit.
Does he take his shirt off a lot?
Shout out to Mike Malloy.
Oh, of course.
The original No Shirt Warrior.
Sorry, Mikey.
This is a tribute to you more than anything.
All right.
I'm ready.
All right.
Oh, it's time for your pick.
Your final pick, Sean.
Now, I think this is a voice and I think ready. All right. Oh, it's time for your pick. Your final pick, Sean. Now, I think this is a voice, and I think I could play Yoda.
Because I think anybody who can do the Yoda voice can play Yoda.
So I think I could do it.
You think you could be Yoda?
I mean, you can't just pull that dip out and not let us put the chicken in it.
Yeah, you got to do something.
An Emmy you won.
Mmm.
You think that's good? Good you think that is.
Mmm. That's a good Yoda.
It's good. Fearful I would be.
That's a Yoda. For the Emmy.
Emmy leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering. Suffering
leads to the dark side.
Okay.
I think I could be Yoda. I think if you gave me the script you gave me
gave me i'm into it but you know months or whatever however long can you give me can you
give me yoda ordering at the old spaghetti factory for him and his date make it a little more
in my lane i don't know the menu. Okay. Yoda ordering at Taco Bell.
A piece of cheddar she will have.
Not Taco Bell.
That's too easy.
Taco Bell's too easy.
That was Arby's.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Connie and Ted's.
Well, a piece of cheddar.
That could be.
Do you fuck with Connie and Ted's?
Give me somewhere decent that I would know how to order.
I'm trying to think of that.
It's going to be the hardest thing to think of this whole draft, by the way.
Okay.
It's Yoda ordering at a classic American steakhouse dinner for him and his date do it your nicest kielbasa we will have before
the steak and then she will have i can't i'm buckling yeah look at what i did i blew it i'm
bad at ordering at nice restaurants freezing are? What are your uncharacteristic drinks?
Carvasi leads to blacking out.
The nicest bottle of wine you have, we will.
Now, I'm losing it.
Oh, man.
Such a test. Thank you thank you everyone for tuning into this
we're doing yoda impression i think i think i could do yoda yeah i think you could do yoda
absolutely yeah you're you have a really good yoda on you dude i had no idea we're still over
we're still over a rack by the way still got over a thousand that's what keeps things fresh we just
keep finding things out about each other you still have a good yoda i imagine it was down around 700 and then
word hit the internet that our shirts were off so what what laura pointed out uh is that frank
oz was also the puppeteer of yoda yeah and that would be i did not know that until she told me
and i still made the pick going in so i so i'm you know i'm advised the pick may have been
i don't know that i i don't know that i could do the puppeteering because frank oz who did the
voice also controlled yoda you could just allegedly you could be later movie yoda where
it's all cgi at that point i think i can do yoda because i i have a you know i think anyone who
can do the yoda voice within reason could be Yoda. So Yoda's my final pick.
Bad boy.
Oh, somebody said Yoda Laker girls.
Let me, all right.
Oh, boy.
Ladies and gentlemen, you're Laker girls.
That was well done.
I like that.
Normally, I hate it.
I was going to say, that's better than the normal.
We'll stay with the first one.
Come out and play, you warriors will.
Is it time for my final pick?
Is that what time it is?
I think it's time for your final pick.
It sure is.
We're damn near rounding it out.
Now, I have talked about the jungle book
many a time and the character who i spiritually inhabit the most i think and like and who i look
like the most is baloo but in a movie version i don't think i would want to play baloo because
like even though i kind of look like him and have big baloo energy is miel brado uh so adequately so adequately so well she put it very well i would much rather play the
role of king louis in the jungle book oh yeah yeah i think it would be way more fun yeah yeah i think
you'd kill it originally voiced by louis prima uh i think i could fill that louis prima role i think it was
christopher walken in the live action one and that was like a terrible move by disney
oh yeah that live action one in general was it was a terrible move by disney though i feel like
yeah you can't go from louis prima to christopher walken that's like a huge jump you go from like
one of the one of the best like swing crooners of all time to like christopher walken that's like a huge jump you go from like one of the one of the best like swing crooners of all time to like christopher walken that's a weird move
yeah yeah you know right now it looks like your emmy is like a like a deer horn
like it's like it's a deer rack that's a six point buck baby
yeah man yeah so i think i think i could be king i think i could be king louis uh hell yeah yeah
you know now i'm the king of the swingers or the jungle vip i reached the top and had to stop and
that's what's bothering me i want to be a madman cobra right in the town and be just like the other man i'm trying to monkey around but
i want to be like you i want to walk like you talk like you it's true like that shit i think i
think i would have a lot of fun with that i think you got it yeah let me it would be i mean just
movie role wise it would have been real fun to be around back then because you could get a role where you play a monkey
and you sing a little bit
anyway that's my final pick
the final pick of the draft
David you went first
you took Dolores Von Cartier
from Sister Act
Sidney Dean from White Men Camp Jump
Hancock from Hancock
Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump and then andrew dice clay's
role from a star is born sean you went next and you took daniel larusso from the karate kid
brody from mall rats tom cruise from cocktail uh ethan embry from can't hardly wait and your last
pick yoda from the star wars franchise i could be yoda i went last and i took tev Yoda from the Star Wars franchise. I think I could be Yoda.
I went last and I took Tevye from
Fiddler on the Roof, the Bear Jew from
Inglourious Bastards,
Lieutenant Bly
from Mutiny on the Bounty,
Uncle Buck Shane graced me with from
the motion picture Uncle Buck, and then finally
King Louie from the movie
The Jungle Book. Marissa,
did you have any picks for a role you could play in a movie?
Yes.
Have you guys seen Ocean's 8?
Yes.
Starring James Corden?
Oh, yeah.
He is in that film, right?
I forgot about that.
Yeah, he's great in that film.
He's good.
I would want to be Awkwafina's character who she was like a street hustler in a pickpocket
and then she like hacks into everything.
I want to be a hacker for like a bank heist movie.
That is exactly what you,
Oh,
you would kill that role.
You would be fantastic in that role.
I want to hack.
Uh,
alternatively,
I brought this up.
Um,
well,
I think I commented on Twitter after the bit parts episode,
but,
um,
I,
I,
I mean,
I don't really like being on camera.
I'd much rather be an extra, but if I were an on camera i'd much rather be an extra but if i
were an extra i'd want to be an extra at like a cool hollywood party playing the vr setup just
like absolutely killing it in the corner uh-huh oh yeah why are we even at this party and they're
like look at how dope it is and then you know you're just over there killing shit that shows
that it's a cool party because there's like a VR there, you know? We got everything.
We got meatball catapults.
We got a ranch fountain.
We got a VR set up in the corner.
And then like you're there killing it to like demonstrate.
Yeah, we got it.
There's an old there's an old spice mister in that room.
If you just want to walk through.
Oh, yeah. We have a motor, you know, from those progressive commercials where it's like a motorcycle dude.
We also got an axe fountain if you just want to dunk your neck in.
We have a motor. What's a motor?
It's a half person, half
motorcycle from the progressive
commercials. I don't know that.
Well, come to my party. We got one. We got a motor.
Shit. Alright.
Alright.
I'm going to get some more mixer. I'll be right back.
Okay.
I have a pick for Ian.
Who is it?
Is it Timon or Pumbaa that I want him to be?
Pumbaa.
Ah, or Timon.
No, but who's the warthog?
Pumbaa.
Pumbaa.
I want him to be Pumbaa.
He can be both.
He's got a good voice, but I want him to be Pumbaa.
You know who I had picked for you, Sean?
We left a lot of picks on the board.
Yeah.
Yeah, Pumbaa you could be.
I'm picking for you, too. I want you lot of picks on the board. Yeah, Pumbaa you could be. I'm picking for you two.
I want you to be Pumbaa.
Oh, that's right.
I want David and I to be...
So I want David to be Tommy from Belly,
and then I'll be Nas's character,
but it's not going to be called Belly.
It's going to be called Stomach,
and it's going to be a whole different movie.
And then I think David could be...
Or I think Marissa could be Ramona Flowers
from Scott Pilgrim.
Ah,
yes.
Yes.
Nice.
Nice.
I picked,
I only picked two.
I'm sorry,
Marissa.
I didn't pick one for you for Sean.
I picked,
uh,
you're going to hate it.
Do you ever see Brink?
No,
I never saw Brink.
I saw Brink on the Disney channel,
the inline skating movie.
Sean could be Brink, right?
Yeah, for sure.
Right?
I'll take it.
I'll take it.
I'll take it.
Yeah, you could be Brink.
I know it comes from a place of love.
And Ian, I thought you could be the main kid from Drillbit Taylor.
I haven't seen Drillbit Taylor.
Drillbit Taylor rules.
That's a good movie. Owen Wilson doing Owen Wilsonlor rules that's a good movie owen wilson doing
owen wilson shit it's a good movie i recently dressed up as the kid from up i don't know if
people saw it hold on here i'll show that sounds adorable hold on one second you did that for real
i didn't know that up is the saddest pixar movie i don't even know how they did it that intro is
astonishing the beginning is the sad
part. The whole movie is not that sad
though, right? I mean, the rest of the movie is uplifting,
but it's like, no, no, it's fine, but
that intro is such a bummer.
David, I think you could be,
I think you could play Chris Tucker's character from
The Fifth Element. Oh,
shit.
I think I would like to see you play that character,
because, I mean, i love when you like
yeah you just have such a great like when you're being outlandish you're so funny and like
and good i think you would really like fucking crush that role i'll be honest i'm freestyling
this part i forgot to do it and so in between that's okay i will show you this picture oh wait
hold on oh shit wait a minute
i forgot to wear a shirt for this whole thing so no big this is the one time you guys actually
don't have a shirt on yeah we actually don't have shirts on yeah dude everybody make that joke a lot
but we always don't have a shirt on take your shirts off, everybody. It was just so... Holy buckets.
That is rad.
Are you wearing beef and broccoli Tims?
I can't tell.
That's amazing.
Yeah, those are beef and broccoli.
No, they're just like random hiking boots.
I did it for a sketch.
It's for David Blaine's sketch on The Late Late Show,
if you want to watch it.
You know, real quick while we're up on this,
shout out to Wide Right in Denver for... Oh, oh yeah for having like a party and like a watch that's so sick
hell yeah it's crazy and shout out anybody i sure take your shirt off let's tell pysher to
take your shirt off too pysher's there pysher take your shirt off oh he know he's got his
shirt off already sure take your fucking shirt off yeah i, he know he's got his shirt off. I should take your fucking shirt off.
Yeah.
This is just such a rad thing.
So I'm just,
I'm stoked that we did it.
Sean,
you'd be really good as Sam wise Gamgee from the Lord of the Rings movies.
What about 11 C's?
Also,
his name is Sean,
but you're right.
I would be.
I,
yeah,
he's very encouraging.
Yeah.
He wants to get the job done
really trying to do the right thing yes yeah yeah maybe does some drugs sometimes when no one's like
really watching but you know it's just it's fine because it's in the culture they smoke weed what
they got pipes i mean i don't know if they're smoking weed yeah they well you can do a lot
with a pipe you know i'm talking about talking about? Beat someone up in Double Dragon. Whatever.
Shall we do a Q&A?
Marissa, you could totally be...
You could be...
I love that.
Shall we do a Q&A?
Marissa, you'd be like a really fun older sister from my neighbor Totoro.
Oh, I would love that.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just want to bounce on Totoro.
He looks so fun and squishy.
That would be so fun.
You're just very nice and very helpful and your heart's in the right
place. I think you would kill that role. Thank you.
Let's do a Q&A. Let's do it.
If you have any questions,
put them up in the chat.
I love that.
Well, should we end the actual episode
that's going out to air?
Maybe we'll include this as a little
bonus sort of thing because it's episode 200. right well now we're getting candid your boy is sticky
it's not great under there all right does mars still play ow i imagine ow is the game overwatch
operation wolf from the early 90s uh that came with an Uzi on the arcade game. OW is Overwatch.
I used to, but then I would be playing hours and like, I think I'm good at the game.
My game stats are good.
But when you're solo queuing, you're just like placed with other random people who might
not be in team chat.
And then it gets very frustrating when you lose.
So I'd be spending hours on this game, playing it and then just like leaving upset and mad
because I just had like bad teammates. be spending hours on this game playing it and then just like leaving upset and mad because i
just had like bad teammates um and then i started playing beat saber and i realized like 15 minutes
of beat saber and i feel amazing after that like i no longer feel angry after playing a video game
i feel so much better so yeah i've quit overwatch and now i just play beat saber there it is
okay all right somebody asked where the portrait is from uh this is from chelsea lately which i
was on that was my very first job in hollywood and uh i there was a it was a we did a sketch
that was kind of a lot like the movie the dictator where we played like because there's always these
like musicians will go play like concerts for like dictators like you would have like christina
aguilera would
go do like a concert for i don't i don't know some dictator or whatever so we shot a sketch
and i played the dictator and because it was the last year of the show and he gave like basically
all their money to chelsea lately they had two paintings made of me in this dictator
outfit and when the show was over like i went to the i went to the
the prop department i was like can i have that painting and they were like yeah if you could
fit it into your prius so i've just had it ever since they made sure to work it in if you can
fit it into your prius i guess yeah you motherfucker and so so that's that's where that's from that's
sick i played a dictator oh yeah that's a real so they took a picture of me the outfit is
real i was wearing that that outfit and then they printed it like uh on canvas so there you go
why do they call it why do they call it windowpane
someone's about to order from fire on the mountain what sauce jamaican jerk
bourbon chipotle bourbon chipotle all the way not jamaican spicy peanut tell me get those pickles
you get to get those fried pickles okay here's my thing with jamaican jerk is it's green and i
can't i it just i don't like a green sauce all right if you get it from b-dubs it's not green
so anyway fire in the mountain bourbon chipotle or raspberry hob all right all right david do you
want to sorry to step on your windowpane talk but david i'm sure you had a lot to say about your favorite eminem eminem lyric nicholas
nampay just says jerk i guess that's why they call it window peen window peen window peen
yeah man how did we all become friends uh well i met ian at um dante's comedy 11 years ago all right comedy if you guys want all right
i'll stop no no no sean and i met at dante's in the first round of the portland amateur comedy
contest first time i remember meeting david was when we were all at high planes when we were
sitting on the couch with adam in the basement of three i feel like i met david at bridgetown
yeah i met you at the first bridgetown I did, which was like 2012 or something.
And then Sean...
I think we started talking about rap upstairs at the Bossa Nova.
Yeah, yeah, we hung out.
Just randomly.
Yeah.
I imagine I would have been there in that conversation.
I remember it just being David and I.
Damn.
I don't know what...
You might have had a show.
I doubt it.
Those Bridgetown folks gave me the early shows and they gave them they were
they were stingy with them it could have been early show time though all right okay all right
that was more me jabbing at the bridgetown folks oh isaac lee's in the chat shout out to isaac we
fucking love you isaac says ian what is the best canadian romantic comedy film you've
recently seen
by recommendation of your good friend, Isaac Lee, native son of Los Angeles, California?
Take this.
Shout out to the Clippers.
Shout out to Isaac Lee.
It's called What If, I think.
It's called What If.
The F word in Canada is what it was called.
Marissa, it's a Toronto-based rom-com starring Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan, and it is
fucking great.
Isaac is right. Everyone should watch What If. It's it's on amazon prime yeah i guarantee i'll watch that in the next week
it'll be so i might watch it again tonight it'll be so good adam driver's in there while i'm out
it's fucking great it truly like a while and out driver a lot of people know that but i do
i just had sex now i'm gonna eat nachos it's so good it's such a good movie oh here we go here's a question
from god they're going too fast seventh seventh dinosaur maybe tom hanks or tom cruise it's harder
than you think hanks and i love tom cruise yeah i don't know i it is harder than you think it is
harder than you think but it ends up being hanks
it is hanks is crew still a scientologist so what i've noticed i mean yeah in working with him over
the last several years is the scientology crew around him has gotten smaller and smaller every
year i don't think he can ever truly leave scientology because i think they probably have
something on him or something like that but or it's or it's important to him it's part of his
identity or something like whatever the reason is but what i've known like the first time we
shot with him i guess it's weird that i'm saying this on the live stream but like maybe i shouldn't
say this on the live stream well i think i think it's all all i will say is i think
it's mellowing out yeah there we go damn now they're gonna come for us i gotta get off the
grid again i'm too close i'm too close to the celebrity center for this shit sean your hair
looks real good i just wanted to say that i appreciate it who do you guys think will have
kids first i think it'll be sean hopefully yeah yeah man i hope so lord willie
hopefully sean yeah nobody else is really trying to have kids right i'm actively trying it's been
one of my no one of my goals in life is to have a child that i wanted to have like that i was
trying to have because i was definitely not one that was uh that they were
aiming for when when i was born so i always wanted to have a kid when i was trying to have a kid so
and we're trying so hopefully soon and once again we are not trying yeah we are not trying to have
kids uh will we have more live streams as long as marissa's willing to do it we'll absolutely
do more of these yeah i'm doing their fun yeah they are very fun this is just like a live show
except i would have my shirt on still so two questions david uh one how's your brother doing
with the pandemic and everything he's doing good i mean you know they're they're fine over there
you know what i mean uh
drop your what's your skincare routine david somebody wants to know your skincare routine
oh i had nothing really i'm sorry i just yeah i just i just drink a shit ton of water and i try
to get a lot of sleep david's just got great skin yeah i mean i i got like uh yeah i drink more than a gallon a day though too so
yeah yeah jack w asks what's zag doing is he being a recluse
zachie and i hung out the other night david you hang out with zach all the time right yeah i see
zach all the time he's living with uh he's doing great yeah he's got a crib in highland park he's
he's out chilling he's over by york he's he's got a crib in Highland Park. He's out chilling.
He's over by York.
He's fucking doing his acting, man.
We'll have him back on very soon.
He might have to come over here to record.
We could hook two mics up.
But like, he's fucking killing it, man.
He's out, dude.
Yeah, he's doing good, man.
He's happy and he's, we went, he came over,
we watched basketball, went for a walk.
I love that guy. nice that's we will never
he's one of our best friends in the whole world even if we're not living together he's not going
anywhere no yeah it's zach uh yeah we have to have zach back on soon i forget
favorite podcast we've been guests on oh punch up the jam i think for me oh i just did langston kerman's podcast my mama told me
that shit was fun as hell too nice i gotta say the crap beast that one was i was so stoked to
do the crap beast i was so pumped it was like six years ago or something but that was one where i
was like oh my god this was sick and doug loves movies. It's always fun. I really had fun on Sam Morrell
and Stavros Halkias' basketball podcast.
The name escapes me right now,
but I had like a really good time on there.
Oh, nice.
And when John Gonzalez on The Ringer
was doing the NBA podcast,
that was like always my favorite.
Shout out to Isaac Lee again.
Ah, I fucking love that.
So that was super fun.
Oh, yeah.
Doug loves movies, of course, especially when all three of us are on.
Ian, have the new renters contacted you about some random deliveries yet?
There are no new renters in there, but they did throw away a garbage can I accidentally had ordered to that house.
Oh, did they really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fucking.
Did the tea kettle boil over on that?
Nah.
All right.
Oh, what is everyone's latest sneaker pickup?
I just bought some camouflage tens that I don't know how I feel about.
Ooh-wee, I like that for you.
I got some orthopedic shoes.
Haka.
Oh, Hoka's are awesome, Mars.
I work out in Hoka they're very comfy
i bought my mom a pair of those that's funny they're great a great scandinavian shoe i think
my latest is still oh cordon got me some uh hold on i'll go grab them they're crazy my latest are
some lucas pewig uh adidas skateboard shoes they're the gum sole with the like the white body and then blue
red blue stripes and they're great they're a little low on the ankle but seem like they'll
be good if nothing else they'll be good like chilling shoes i don't know how they're going
to be for skating skating but yeah they're dang uh someone asked me how long it takes to edit an episode it varies um it can vary a lot depending on like if
we have a guest that doesn't have a setup and there's like a lot of noise reduction to do but
to edit i'd say between like four and six hours maybe there he goes sitting back down he's back
god you do look slimmer you don't have your headphones on you do look slimmer thank you very much i hope so i've lost like 60 pounds god that's so sick
i think i could take you now okay all right let's not get over our skis my friend let's
not get over our skis i still got a gym in the garage uh cordon as a thank you for being like on his like andy richter or whatever
got me these patent leather wow these patent leather jordan ones which are like
audacious though i think they're called limitless aj retro ohio oh fearless fearless but they are
like some audacious jordans man so that's like my latest pickup although i
didn't get it for myself but it's in like the uk box and everything so that's pretty rad oh yeah
and then i got some just some like neon neon green uh air maxes that came out nothing exclusive or
anything like that but those them are dip it's a dip kick. Yeah, the Fearless Ones.
Oh, what up, Mitch Earnshaw?
Keith Kunis.
Shout out to Keith Kunis.
Shout out to Trillblazer, man.
Shout out to Ira.
Shout out to Keith.
Fucking shout out to all those boys.
There is a, I forgot to bring it up on this podcast,
but there is a, we did another merch drop
celebrating our 200th episode.
And celebrating the fact that we did not go on tour this summer.
So head over to Trailblazing.net and there's a bunch of AFE.
There's a bunch of new AFE merch.
You'll see it on our Twitter.
You'll see it on our Instagrams.
It's pretty cool.
Yeah, it looks awesome.
I love what they've done.
Oh, my God.
It's really rad.
We're so lucky to have uh people like at thrillblazing
who fuck with us it's so cool sorry boys had to go pee again this dude pees a lot he's always yeah
well you know i'm watching from chicago my friends drew and kyle are watching from iowa can you say
hi from sean drew and kyle hi says hi hi he says hi iowa drew kyle hi i. Does Sean have a prostate problem? I don't think so.
He just drinks.
He's a fluidic man.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I've had, you know, I've peed a couple times.
Not, you know, what are you doing?
Ian, prediction for LA and Houston.
Pain.
Sean DeClaire Lang.
Oh, someone asked what's the best way to befriend a stray cat.
This has been my project in quarantine
is befriending the strays.
Yeah, you're killing it.
I would suggest giving them treats.
Don't look a cat in the eye.
That's considered aggressive.
So if they look at you, look away.
And then just like stay low to the ground
and be very, very patient
because they need time to like suss you out
before they'll approach you.
So just like seem friendly.
Don't make any sudden movements
and don't look at the cat in the eye that's the trick oh also when a cat does
approach you it's kind to stick like two fingers out and let them sniff you first and then after
they sniff you they'll tend to guide you like if they do want pets where they want to be pet
but you have to do do the sniff first because that's like a cat handshake so it's polite to
do the sniff you're doing the knuckle thing sohake. So it's polite to do the sniff.
You're doing the knuckle thing so you're not supposed to put your hand out.
You put your knuckles out like that?
The hand works too
but I learned from Jackson Galaxy
that like cat guru guy
he says if you do like this
it looks more like a cat nose to them.
So it's like
Wow.
Yeah, it's like
easier for them to understand
what you're trying to do.
I'm a brand new two kitty owner myself
so I'm going to start trying the knuckle thing. pretty similar for if you want to meet any of the four
of us by the way it's a pretty similar protocol knuckles out we'll sniff them we'll direct you
to where we want to be pet we could keep answering questions all night but i think i think maybe one
more and then we and then we call it good does that sound for everybody we put a bow on it real
quick how do you befriend a stray shade aor? A little bit redundant, that question.
Does Ian give me back my nose?
No, I won't.
Is Ian still reading Harry Potter in quarantine?
I never did.
I never started.
I never started.
I never started.
I saw the movies and I really enjoyed them.
Can we tell Natifa or Nathifa to feel better?
Natifa or Nathifa, whichever it is, please feel better.
Please feel better.
Oh, here's a good question, David.
Who's the best tooth-thick person of all the tooth-thick people?
The true tooth-thick is the friends we made along the way.
That's exactly right.
Man, what a good way to do it.
I think to end this, I am the last barman poet i see america
drinking the fabulous cocktails i make america getting stinky on something i stir or shake
the sex on the beach the schnapps made from peach the velvet hammer the alabama slammer
i make things with juice and froth the pink pink squirrel, the three-toed sloth.
I make drinks so sweet and snazzy,
the iced tea, the kamikaze,
the orgasm, the death spasm,
the Singapore sling, the ding-a-ling.
America, you've been devoted to every flavor I got,
but if you want to get loaded,
why don't you just order a shot?
The bar is open that's it
bye everyone
thanks for joining this live stream
also shout out to the Nuggets
bye everybody that was a hate gun podcast