All Fantasy Everything - Soft Rock Bangers (w/ Sean Jordan, David Gborie, and Jamel Johnson)

Episode Date: November 30, 2017

The days are shorter, the nights are long, let the jukebox take your quarter, and sing an easy song. We're drafting soft rock bangers, today, and the crew is joined by comedian Jamel Johnson ...to take on the task. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that was traipsing around all day with a giant, I think, salsa stain on his t-shirt? No. I got called out on it by a bunch of people. Oh no, a bunch of people is the worst. I thought there were going to be way less people at work today and it was pretty much the whole crew. And I went in there with like a big stain on my shirt. And I had a hoodie.
Starting point is 00:00:48 But under that hoodie was a white linen jumpsuit like Richard Branson was wearing. I wear one constantly. Yeah. I am always on a somehow private and virgin at the same time flight to Necker Island. Sure. To just sit in a hammock. Just to sit and exist, my man. Richard Branson, dude.
Starting point is 00:01:05 That guy's got a life. He's still blonde. He's still blonde. You know he's never shit indoors? He's shit indoors. No, I'm kidding. Okay. I like how you started to believe me.
Starting point is 00:01:17 He's taking a shit inside. What a crazy streak, though. After a while, I feel like you would have to you could you couldn't break the streak if you win if you win 30 days at that point i would feel compelled to shit outside all the time forever yeah we i don't jamelle you can talk whenever yeah i was just waiting because i was wondering why you still had your linen out it's kind of getting a little cold it's a little cold for the linen it's linen for me all year it's never too cold cold. You just get heavier linen. I appreciate commitment. When you make it a lifestyle, you have to be ready for anything.
Starting point is 00:01:51 And that includes these kind of chilly 50 degree Los Angeles evenings. Absolutely. Which is really throwing me off. It's a different kind of 50 degrees. It is. People on the East Coast think we're soft. It's different wind, dog. It's different. It's cutting different.
Starting point is 00:02:02 It's coastal. When these Santa Ana winds get to blowing. Coastal elite level wind. wind, dog. It's different. It's cutting different. It's coastal. Yeah. When these Santa Ana winds get to blowing. Coastal elite level wind. Yes, exactly. Coastal and lead level. You got to have one tab open on the Huffington Post at all times. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:16 You got to be able to recite articles you read. It gets cold out here. Yeah. It's the kind of cold that whips through your flannel, gets your nips hard. Yeah, exactly. Who wears flannels? Flannel nipple cold. Flanels? Flanel? Sure. West Coast, land of every kind of cold that whips through your flannel Gets your nips hard Yeah exactly Flannel nipple cold West coast land of every kind of flannel Throw on a flannel live your life All the way from the Lumberjacks of Northern California
Starting point is 00:02:35 To the Lumberjacks of Southern California Out of like context Flannel is a nice name Flannel is nice If you were just like this is my cousin Flannel That's not a bad name. I'd be fucking terrified of Flanel. You'd be scared of Flanel?
Starting point is 00:02:49 If I didn't know who it was and you were just like, oh shit, my cousin Flanel's coming over. You're imagining Debo. You said it like I wouldn't be scared if you said it like that. Belgian Debo. His name's Flanel. For sure. If he was Belgian Debo, he would just have to be Belgian Debo.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Belgian Devo's bike works perfectly. Yeah! The chain has never fallen off. He's still a scary dude, but that's the only difference. Yeah, it doesn't squeak. He's got some expensive Danish bike.
Starting point is 00:03:20 He's doing that thing where they refuse to put their feet down at a stoplight, but he still looks the exact same. Isn't that crazy? That's the closest I've come to believing in Jedi. I've never seen that. Oh, dude. Come spend a significant amount of time in Portland in the summer. You'll see nothing but dudes just somehow sheer force of will keeping a bike balanced on two wheels with no forward motion.
Starting point is 00:03:40 Skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny tires. It is. Ooh, skinny tires. Skinny tires. why would you do that because dude you can't put your feet on the hot lava my friend yeah i don't understand it's just completely a show off okay yeah 100 okay now i get it yeah next level up from pigs once they stop doing pigs man no feet whatsoever no feet covered did anybody actually use pegs for their intended purpose yeah i had a people ride on the back.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Yes. No, but they're for like isn't it for grinding? It's for tricks and shit. Oh, true. I thought it was for having motherfuckers ride on the back. That's what I thought, but apparently no. Those were three dudes going to the store. I mean, I knew kids back in Dustin Art. Holler at your boy Dustin Art used to do that. Oh, you hate BMXers though. They chunk up
Starting point is 00:04:22 the ledges, man. They suck. Yeah, that's what they used to say about me back in the day. though. They chunk up the ledges, man. They suck. Yeah, that's what they used to say about me back in the day. I'm always chunking up ledges. Mine was because of this whole gargoyles thing I was doing. Gargoyles was big, and I was like, I'm going to be a gargoyle. So I go to the skate park dressed like a gargoyle, just hang on on ledges. Chunking up ledges. Yep.
Starting point is 00:04:38 Just hands right in between your ankles. Skaters were pissed at me. How was that fat kid move? I was keeping an eye on New York. You just drew a little New York on the ground. You're like, I'm watching. Where's Lau? Where's Lau?
Starting point is 00:04:54 Hide of me. I hated that cartoon. It was too serious. Gargoyles was very serious. Gargoyles was like- It was like watching CSI or some shit. It was just for adults. It was out at the same time as that really great Batman the Animated Series.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Yeah. But Gargoyles was like, us too. But it was like, no, Batman, we can do it. Batman's great. Gargoyles was, it just, there was nothing fun about that show. No. Even as a kid, I'd watch it and be like, this shit is fucking, whatever. I'm not wearing hockey pants.
Starting point is 00:05:21 I don't even understand the reference. It's Batman. It's Batman. And there's three fun things to do from Batman. Not the animated series, the Christopher Nolan ones. There's three fun quotes. Pray to me! Whoa. Yeah, that's a good one.
Starting point is 00:05:36 And then, where's Lau? Is one of them. And then the last one is, I'm not wearing hockey pads! They're all fun just to sit and play past the shit, and while you're passing the shit, you say one of those. My favorite one is Where's Lau? Where's Lau is funny. And I don't even need context.
Starting point is 00:05:50 I like the pray to me one. Anyway, yeah. Pray to me. I'm not wearing hockey pads. I don't like it. I don't like it anymore. Well, that's the Dark Knight, dude. I thought I liked it.
Starting point is 00:06:01 It's supposed to... I'll admit that your last i'm not wearing hockey pads did kind of throw me off it was it came from a weird place it came from your ear infection don't get me started at sean jordan at sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on the gram yeah yeah at the doctor's office with swimmers here twice twice twice last time we gotta talk to the listeners about the swimmers here maybe some of them have a homespun remedy yeah like keep you in an outhouse for a couple days like they used to do with the pregnancy hope you like onions because that's all you're eating for a week then you won't get it for the rest of your life it was buck i'm in there in
Starting point is 00:06:38 the doctor he goes hey you have you been uh swimming recently like he just cracked the case wide open i go no and he's like oh, you have what they call swimmer's ear. He thought he was just going to be on it. Just on top of it. He thought he was like Dr. How's in you? Just some infection I had in my ear. It's so gross. So gross.
Starting point is 00:06:56 It's one of the less gross places to have an infection. Yeah. Could have been your nuts. Ear and nuts is equal to me, dude. I got a great ear, nuts, and throat guy. This is the ENT, dude. That's what I went to school for. Yeah, ear, nuts, and throat.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Sean, what have you been up to since last we convened? How was your Thanksgiving? It was good, man. Just chilled here. Ended up getting obliterated with David, who was dressed like Suge Knight on Thanksgiving. Hell yeah. Had himself black jeans and a short sleeve red button up. I was wearing a red shirt, is what I'll say.
Starting point is 00:07:36 It was fucking red, though. Was it flagrant? Yeah, that shirt was definitely like playing YG on the bus. Oh, yeah. But, you know, it was Turkey Day. It was. It was my only Thanksgiving colored shirt. You say Suge Knight, he went dressed as cranberry sauce.
Starting point is 00:07:51 Yeah. That's what really happened. They call me Cranberry Knight. Yeah. Suge Young the Brom. Cranberry Knight, dude. That actually fits. It's a little sweet.
Starting point is 00:08:01 A little better, though. It's kind of tart. Fantastic. What do you got to plug coming up? Be in Denver this weekend. With the Cananiac? Yeah. And then Fort Collins on Sunday.
Starting point is 00:08:12 More importantly, you. We'll be opening for you December 22nd in Portland, Oregon. Revolution Hall. Tickets going fast, by the way. Tickets are going fast. I love it. It's exciting. I'm stoked.
Starting point is 00:08:23 I'm going to run onto the stage. I'm sticking to it. I will run out there. Original, I was slated to do an hour, but I'm going to be so stoked. I'm just going to go out and it. It's exciting. I'm going to run onto the stage. I'm sticking to it. I will run out there. Original, I'll slay to do an hour, but I'm going to be so stoked I'm just going to go out and do 15 push-ups. Give the people what they want.
Starting point is 00:08:33 That's my whole set. And then we're just all going to go get hammered. I think people would be more happy with that. Yeah. It's an old high school. I love getting drunk there
Starting point is 00:08:39 because it's an old high school. I'm thinking... You feel like you get to stick it to them a little bit. I'm thinking about doing an after party. Why not? Yeah. I'm thinking. You feel like you get to stick it to them a little bit. I'm thinking about doing an after party. Why not? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:47 Oh, shit. You heard it here. There's going to be so many people. At Zach's old apartment, no matter who lives there now. At Zach's old apartment. At my old apartment on 22nd and Ash Street. And I'm just going to knock on the door and be like, oh, shit. I found out.
Starting point is 00:09:00 Is that your hate in Ashbury? What? 22nd and Ash. Yeah. You got to knock on the door and be like, where's Lou? Where's Lou? I found out that there's comedians living in the house I lived in. No way.
Starting point is 00:09:10 On 15th and Clinton in Portland. And now it's like comedians living there again. Oh, that's kind of dink. The spot of some of my most notorious house parties and moments just as an individual. I like it. So yeah, come up to Revolution Hall. David Borey,
Starting point is 00:09:28 the G is silent on Twitter. Yes, yes. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. On the gram. On the gram. What did you do
Starting point is 00:09:34 for Thanksgiving? Same thing. Dressed up like Cranberry Knight. Yeah, dressed cosplayed as Cranberry Knight. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Hit the streets, smoking endo, looking for freaks. No, I went to the same party as sean did and we went on the roof yeah and we listened to sean talk about how great of a time he was having yeah but we were all having a great time so it was cool that sounds about right yeah i mean you got to be thankful for what we were no we were thankful a lot of times a lot of times it was tight but it was fun it It was really fun. Good food.
Starting point is 00:10:05 And yeah, and then I just got drunk with Sean and then I went home. Hell yeah. I think I watched Empire and smoked weed until I fell asleep. That sounds great. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:10:13 it was not a bad day. I was getting drunk on a different part of the West Coast. Yes, yes. You were holding out the top. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:19 Had to be put in a car on Friday night. Ian, Ian, you're done. What time of night was it? It was proper. It was the time for it to be done.
Starting point is 00:10:30 God bless Lance Bangs had to drive me in his weird future car. I don't even know what car. He does have a future car. He has a future car. Yeah. And he used it to get me. I don't even know.
Starting point is 00:10:39 It might have been. It's some self-driving type shit. It's something amazing. Just got a bucket hat around it instead of a body kit. It's wearing a bucket hat and it's got impeccable taste. And it drove me back to my grip.
Starting point is 00:10:49 So shout out to Lance Banks. Good on you, Lance. And shout out to Nathaniel Friedman, a.k.a. Freed Arco, for also taking care of me. But then also getting to sort of right where I was, too. It was a fun night. It was a fun night for gentlemen. Yeah, we all had a good time. Gentlemen of letters. Jamel Johnson. Oh, wait. David was a fun night for gentlemen. Yeah, we all had a good time. Gentlemen of letters.
Starting point is 00:11:06 Jamel Johnson. Oh, wait. David, anything to plug? No. I'm in LA for the rest of the year, so I just have spots around town. Look at my Twitter. Come see that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:15 Yeah. Jamel Johnson, at Nonprofit Comic on Twitter. What do you want on Instagram? Broccoli House. There it is. Broccoli House. Hell yeah. How was your thanksgiving
Starting point is 00:11:25 pretty good man i was out here west coast as well got some fam and oxnard shout out to the west coast johnsons yeah shout to the nard yeah it came through with a couple boxes of popsicles because it was fucking 90 degrees outside it was obscene it was 92 the day before when i left portland that shit was ridiculous did that came back doubled out had another dinner party. Yes. You know, my girlfriend's homie from high school does the flyers for her on deck, had us out at some fat ass Airbnb.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. Yep. That sounds good. Dressing out. It was pretty good. Pretty chill.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Oh, yeah. I love stuffing. I love dressing. Purple mashed potatoes at this dinner party. Really? Sure. And the shits was fire. Yeah, yeah. I don't trust it
Starting point is 00:12:06 When you say I trust it How purple Fully Fully purple dude Cameron Yeah Cameron purple
Starting point is 00:12:12 Yeah purple haze The album Killer Cam Cam Yeah Also just shout out to Cameron and Mace The beef is on I love it The beef is on
Starting point is 00:12:19 What's the story with that I love it I mean Cameron dissed him 11 years ago Cameron disses him All the time I feel like They're beefing again Mace came out a story with that i love it i mean you see cameron just in 11 years ago there's some new beef all the time i feel like they're beefing again mace came out he was like he was talking he was like well i was much much or wait who is he talking about what was it cameron where he said i was much oh
Starting point is 00:12:34 no fuck who's mace was beefing with somebody and he was like i was much much better looking than him so oh jadakiss yeah that's true yeah there's a few people that he could have said jadakiss is one of them. Somebody was comparing the two of them, and Mace was like, well, I was much, much better looking than him, so I didn't have to go the gangster route like he did. It's like, is that what we're giving pretty dudes a pass at? I know. Just being pretty. Why is Mace beefing with people?
Starting point is 00:12:58 Didn't he find God? Mace definitely said that Cameron fucked his sister. Yeah, he did say that. He did say that. I could believe it, but I bet Cameron didn't know it was his sister at the time. I don't want to go down this road. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
Starting point is 00:13:10 I don't think he went into that knowing it was his sister. No, I don't think he even did. I think he said that for shock value. That being said, the rest of the song, Mace, it felt like it was pent up
Starting point is 00:13:20 for so many years. Yeah. Like the way he rapped it was just like, so many words. like the way he rapped it was just like so many words just a lot of a lot of very specific bars well for a while we thought he couldn't talk you know i mean he's a very mush mouth guy yeah it's so much so that i didn't know he had bars till i was like 20 yeah i because when i would sing race songs i. I never knew what he was saying.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Yeah, he was like, who's the latest example of that? That panda guy. All the kids? All the kids. Every rapper under 25? Why am I blowing his name? Designer. Designer.
Starting point is 00:13:57 He's got great bars, but he's got not as bad as you think. If you listen to Panda. That's how I feel about Young Thug, too. It's like, I don't know what he's saying it took me two years to catch up yeah but then when you listen to what he's saying you're like oh this guy's pretty great yeah oh i want to i want to there's a podcast i've been listening to uh to called dissect it's not on the head gum network so i'm sorry about that but uh they're doing this guy's doing a song-by-song breakdown of my beautiful dark-twisted fantasy and doing almost too much dissecting, but in a way that I really enjoy listening to. Like going over the lyrics and how they pertain to Kanye's life and everything.
Starting point is 00:14:37 So check that out. I'm like 12 episodes deep. I'm into that. I'm into that. It's called Dissect. Hell yeah. So yeah, that's a fun one. There it is.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Jamel, what do you have to plug coming up? What do I have? I think a couple things in town. On Deck is December 16th. On Deck is so dope. Oh, yeah. Come to On Deck. I'm going to go.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Oh, yeah. I'm going to go. I'm on that one. Yeah, come on. You're on that thing. I'm on that one? Yeah, man. Closing it out.
Starting point is 00:15:02 I'm going to be there. We've been thinking about getting a hot dog lady, but I don't know if motherfuckers would actually eat hot dogs. You're looking at three hot dogs. You're looking at three hot dog guys? Yeah. There's like 10 hot dogs down. You're looking at eight total hot dogs.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Three dudes. Yeah. Eight dogs. Eight dogs. You have the bacon wrap hot dog lady to come through. Explain the premise of On Deck. I always like the idea for the show. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:23 This is such a great idea. Oh, it's a baseball game as a show. So it's two teams of comics, and they each do, like, we say it's 27, but it's more like 30 plus, a little stoppage time. Yeah, yeah. Because it's also soccer, too. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, they do time as a team.
Starting point is 00:15:41 Each person does one joke at a time. We score it like it's baseball. Everybody gets points. You co- like it's baseball. Everybody gets points. And you co-host it with enemy of the podcast Mike Malloy. Mike Malloy, yeah. Worst enemy. Worst enemy of the podcast. Enemy of just like data, fiber optics, just general like
Starting point is 00:15:55 electronic concepts. Enemy of getting an Uber. That's an analog dude in a digital world. I haven't seen Malloy in so long. We have to remedy that. Maybe this weekend. I need to see that dude.
Starting point is 00:16:10 He sold me some weed. Sorry, mom. There you go. Sorry to all the moms. Yeah, sorry all moms. And then we watched wrestling. Now you're out of town. He wanted to watch wrestling? Malloy did?
Starting point is 00:16:21 No, no, he doesn't do that. I pushed it on him. He's kidding. That's all he wants to do. I got to see that kid soon. Today, we are drafting soft rock. Bangers. Soft rock bangers.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Yes. I am very excited. I went into this not really, not thinking like I didn't really like soft rock. Sure. And I came out of this realizing maybe it's my favorite kind of music. Nah, it's a lot of music, dog.
Starting point is 00:16:43 It's a lot of music. I love soft rock. Man, so many vibes. It's a lot of music, dog. It's a lot of music. I love Soft Rock. So many vibes. There's a lot of vibes. We're getting into the colder months now. This is Soft Rock Central. It can't be summer jams all summer. Wool sweater music.
Starting point is 00:16:54 It's wool sweater music. Christmas music and Soft Rock. Huh? Christmas music and Soft Rock. Christmas and Soft Rock, man. It's that turtleneck music. It's that turtleneck music. And All Eyes on Me.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Because that's also turtleneck music. Well, yeah. I mean, that's all you're into music. This is Crock Pot's been goingtleneck music. It's that turtleneck music. And All Eyes on Me, because that's also turtleneck music. Well, yeah, I mean, that's all you're into music. This is crock pot's been going for 48 hours music. I think about like crock pot full of like some kind of hot rum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a hot cinnamon rum. A hot buttered rum, maybe.
Starting point is 00:17:17 I like being cozy. Yeah, it's cozy music. Definitely cozy. It's like kind of warm in the crib, little cold outside. You're cozy. Cupping a cherry red mug full of apple cider. Both hands. Both hands music.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Yeah, yeah. Both hands music. This is tucking your toes under the blanket music. There it is. This is turn the heater on in your car, then going back inside for a minute. Yeah, yeah. This is finding a warm body to sleep next to so you don't feel alone. Coughing season, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Two ladies. That's oatmeal in the morning. Nobody's warmer than a curvy boy. So just keep that in mind for coughing season. I'm like a heater. Yeah. I can't have relationships in the summertime. I'm too hot. It's too hot.
Starting point is 00:17:59 I know. He's got to get a different bed. Yeah. He's got to sleep on a fainting couch. Just sleep in a fucking kiddie pool in the summer months. I'm not against that. No, that sounds tight. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:12 I'm hella in. All right, well, we're starting to plan our next summer already. I said this last summer was going to be my last crazy summer. We'll see how that... I think this is going to be a pretty good summer. We can't get stoked for it yet, because then I'll get too stoked and then I'll appreciate winter. Yeah, we're not even there yet. Come on, let's...
Starting point is 00:18:26 To determine the order of the draft, we play a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Sure, sure. Play between the three of you. And then you throw on shoot. And then here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David the odd man out. He threw a paper.
Starting point is 00:18:43 It's because I threw it up. You guys threw it down. You threw it up in the air. I threw it up. Fuck that. Fuck that. Oh, David the odd man out. He threw a paper. It's because I threw it up. You guys threw it down. You threw a paper up in the air. I threw it up. That's fucking shit. Fuck that. Oh, you sad? Fuck that.
Starting point is 00:18:49 Are you mad because I'm styling on you? Come on. Don't be like that. One hand in the air. Whatever. If you don't really care. Whatever, bruh. It's like that sometimes ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:18:58 Bruh. The shit sometimes can get ridiculous. Shit sometimes can get ridiculous. Yeah. You heard, dude. All right. Here's how I'm doing this. What kind of draft of draft is it oh that's a great question david it's a serpentine draft uh what does that mean which means the person with the fourth pick also gets the first pick like if i
Starting point is 00:19:14 were to slap david with my right hand then slapped him with my left hand you would be done talking just serpentine your neck would look like a snake just bobbing around all over the fucking place. You're lucky you got an earache and glasses. I don't think that's what it would look like. I'm getting every inch of foam in this studio. Give you the Jax treatment like on Mortal Kombat. Did you eat all that hot sauce that Matt sent in? Clearly he did. You did.
Starting point is 00:19:36 You got spicy blood, man. What blood? We got to shout him out, by the way. What blood? Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah. One of you beautiful listeners sent us in some hot sauce, some Sioux Falls salad dressing to be specific, at the anti-genius on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Yeah, the anti-genius on the gram. His name's Matt. Hell, yeah, dude. And it's just like Sioux Falls salad dressing is what he calls it. It's got a picture of the falls on there. He grew his own peppers and then he made hot sauce using those peppers. I couldn't for the life of me be expected to do anything, any part of that. Hell, no. Nope. I couldn't raise a plant. I couldn't make the hot sauce using those peppers, I couldn't for the life of me be expected to do any part of that. Hell no. I couldn't raise a plant. I couldn't make
Starting point is 00:20:07 the hot sauce. I couldn't get it into the bottle without getting most of it in my eyes. I couldn't raise a plant. I couldn't kill the plant I raised. If you did raise the plant, you were like, you've got to kill this plant. All of a sudden, it would be thriving. No. Can't do it. Tree dying in my house right now.
Starting point is 00:20:25 The money tree. The money't do it. Yeah. Tree dying in my house right now. I just have to watch. The money tree. The money tree's dying. I just have to watch it die. I just have to stand there and be like, I don't know, man. I don't know what to do. There's stuff you can do. It's gone. It's gone.
Starting point is 00:20:38 When did you start? I'll get another one. I got the money. I got the money. You're like that dude that doesn't care about His wives in Game of Thrones I'll get another one I'll get another Just watching it die
Starting point is 00:20:48 Extra shots to the people Who took a sampler platter Picture with Sam Pee Pee himself Oh yeah Keep doing that And make it like If you think you're being Too like creepy or whatever
Starting point is 00:20:58 Just make it like A little creepier than that Yeah But always Anytime you spot Shane Torres at a restaurant Please please send a sampler pad his way. Ten years of good luck to you.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Put some water on your hand and then shake his hand. One of his jokes. Shane, he posted the picture himself, but he didn't tag them in it. So whoever you are, God bless you. God bless both of you. Yep. Yeah. True.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Aaron is one of them. Aaron from Instagram. Aaron is lame. Oh, Shane didn't tag him? Crazy. Yeah. Shane probably accidentally tagged Malcolm X or something. It's amazing.
Starting point is 00:21:33 He probably tagged himself. He tagged Malcolm X and Japan, the country. He tagged the wrong guy, Fieri, somehow. Like, Guy Fiery. God damn it, Shane. God damn it. Buy his album. Speaking of Sam, if you buy his album, go see him at Zany's in Chicago this weekend, right? Oh, yeah. So go check, Shane. God damn it. Buy his album.
Starting point is 00:21:46 Speaking of Sammy P, buy his album. Go see him at Zany's in Chicago this weekend, right? Oh, yeah. So go check out Shane. He's fucking fantastic. Now, what is the order of the Soft Rock draft going to be? So I'm going David. All right. I'm going Ian.
Starting point is 00:21:58 Yep. I'm going Jamel. Oh. And then I'm going Sean. All right. Because that's what happens when you disrespect this house you did going hard I'll go harder when I win the draft
Starting point is 00:22:09 that's great I can't wait we'll see what happens I can't wait for you to pick three little birds by Bob Marley now Sean was threatening the slaps but we're going to find out which slaps we're all picking he did it that's why we pay him
Starting point is 00:22:26 the big money David Borey you have the first pick in the soft rock bangers all fantasy everything draft it's so hard where's Mel Kiper Mel Kiper is here the ghost of Mel Kiper is in the studio at all times
Starting point is 00:22:41 it's so hard to do what I want to do first so I'm just like i'm going with the song that makes me feel the most first yes okay because that's in my heart yes i'm going number one soft rock hit tears in heaven oh because come on yeah every time you hear it yeah Yeah. Shit. I'm going to start singing. I must be strong. It's Ketan. Shit. It'll bum me out.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Yeah. And it's a beautiful ass song. Because I know I don't belong here in heaven. Oh, God. Yep. It's. You just want to listen to that shit like when the sun's going down in the desert. I know.
Starting point is 00:23:33 And you're just running from some shit. You don't know what. You lost some shit and you're running from the rest of it. Yeah. Maybe you went to get that pack of cigarettes and you never came back. Yes. That's the song for that guy. You're driving through the desert.
Starting point is 00:23:45 Yeah, you're moving to California to start your new life but you miss Texas! You miss it! You miss it! There were things about that like there was one thing you couldn't stay for and everything else you missed. Well, because you look back and you see the baseball glove that you were supposed to be playing catch with your son with. Yeah, and you light up one of those cools you went to the store to buy.
Starting point is 00:24:02 A pack of cools now in the bell of that catcher's mitt rather than the baseball. That and a half-eaten McDouble. You know my style. You gotta eat on the road. You can't wait to not eat. That's the first thing I buy after the cigarettes.
Starting point is 00:24:17 Seeds don't get you through the whole drive. You gotta have a fucking McDouble in there. You gotta have a double in your belly. Yeah, that song is... That's a low self-esteem song, which I kind of like song is... That's a low self-esteem song, which I kind of like about it. Is it a low self-esteem song? Well, I mean, I don't belong here in heaven.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Well, but it's like... Most of soft rock is low self-esteem. Is it? Well, I guess it is sad. It is downbeat, right? You're down, but you're fighting. Yes. You're down, but you're fighting through it
Starting point is 00:24:45 yeah okay that's what it is maybe it's the world is low maybe it's low esteem of the world i mean that song is so fucking deep so eric lobber did write that song about his son who son who fell out a window yeah shane yeah shane's got a joke about it for some odd reason shane has a joke about it he brings it up appearing. Appearing now at Zany Chicago. No, and I can't even begin to joke about that. But yeah, that is what the song is about. That's a bad plug. That's on me.
Starting point is 00:25:12 I'm sorry, Shane. But that's, yeah, that's Sobuck. And to write such a beautiful song as tribute, it's touching. Yeah. Because when I was a kid, I didn't know that. Probably because my mom didn't tell me. She didn't want to freak me out.
Starting point is 00:25:25 But when I was like eight or nine. What did you think the song was about? I didn't think it was about shit. I was just a kid. And I was like kid I didn't know that Probably cause my mom Didn't tell me She didn't wanna like Freak me out When I was like Eight or nine What did you think The song was about I didn't think It was about shit I was just a kid And I was like This is a pretty song
Starting point is 00:25:29 When I You know As a little guy I remember You remember Delilah Love songs with Delilah Oh yes Delilah said it
Starting point is 00:25:36 And I remember That's where I learned it Listening to that With my mom in the car One time Sure Shout out to Delilah We should have her
Starting point is 00:25:42 On the podcast Dude Delilah Nationwide I didn't know that Yeah nationwide I didn't either I thought it was't either, I thought it was only in Washington I thought it was only in my house Everybody loves Delilah People call up weeping
Starting point is 00:25:52 This song to my brother who died Trying to pull me out of a ditch Or whatever The saddest stories Just the saddest stories Shout out to Delilah, shout out to Eric Clapton even though he's a bit of a troublesome person himself this song is good
Starting point is 00:26:09 carries on his four year old son dude damn that's intense that's why that song is so good though that is some fucking soft rock you know what's crazy is people have definitely boned to Tears in Heaven they've had like their Eric Clapton you know because you can't time it out it happens when it happens there's some
Starting point is 00:26:29 of those other which i won't name but some other eric clapton songs which are like perfect for you know for like people who were 38 in 1994 to have sex too he had some other songs like that but then all of a sudden tears of heaven came on and it's like what's the move do you interrupt your flow to go i think you just fast forward the tape it's showing off that you got a cd player it could be holiday sex music yeah it's at late after thanksgiving you go out you know yeah or you're getting drunk at your boy spot thinking about how your friend died in a firework accident a lot of these songs are like he would have wanted me to have sex a lot of these songs are like the shit i
Starting point is 00:27:11 listen to if i'm drunk alone yeah and you just want to hear it loud and feel something dude yeah yeah you're talking to the king i'll just sit there and be like i'm gonna cry for a while i do it all the time i almost did it last night watching the top 10 uh tv saddest moments in sitcoms because i was looking up that will smith thing that we talked about yeah and then i just why why you want me yeah i watched all top 10 what are the other 10 there's some from scrubs one from mash remember that shit oh the helicopter spins in no kill that chicken and then it's a fucking baby do you remember that no super gnarly this is going the wrong way damn yeah this is early this is why i picked you last yeah anyway if you want to get bummed out
Starting point is 00:27:51 all right all right tears in heaven all right tears in heaven well it was in mesh i didn't think i made it up or something. No, please. No. I'll go look up the other nine. Nothing you say can be crazier and scarier than what Zach has said on this podcast on a regular basis. You're all good. God, he's a psycho. Well, Zach came on here. Our friend Zach Toscani. You know Zach.
Starting point is 00:28:16 Yeah, Toscani Busters. I know what's up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he like, we were drafting stuff to do with a billion dollars. And his was basically drafting like a private prison for his enemies to work at restaurants that he would never visit. Oh, Jesus. So they would have to go through this system of preparing food every day. Yeah, on a comedy podcast.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Right, exactly. At a Chick-fil-A, he said. He'd hire all of his enemies to work at a fucking Chick-fil-A that never got visited. And then we did strangers who don't have sex with. And he picked that crazy girl who framed her husband for murder from Gone Girl. I'm worried about- And he's at home right now. I'm worried about our guy.
Starting point is 00:28:52 He's alone in our house with all this stuff. He's by himself. No matter what time you're listening to this, he's at home. He's alone, yeah. He's holding two kettlebells. Yeah, dude. He's just screaming. I'm saying-
Starting point is 00:29:02 Staring at a picture of someone who wronged him. I swear, that's how he goes to sleep, is duct tapes a pillow around his mouth and just screams Allie while he's just screaming staring at a picture of someone who wronged him duct tape I swear that's how he goes to sleep is duct tapes a pillow around his mouth and just screams Allie while he's dead lifting shout out to Zach we love you what up Zach
Starting point is 00:29:11 it's time for my first pick oh shit and with my I consider I consider you guys my brothers I would just in life
Starting point is 00:29:19 and comedy you know yep but you're not my doobie brothers even if we do smoke doobies together every now and then even if we do uh there's only one group of doobie brothers and it's the doobie brothers yeah and they only have one song that i'm interested in taking which is what a fool
Starting point is 00:29:39 believes there you go yeah and is that that i know that's yacht rock but i think that's also definitely counts you can mostly be soft on a yacht yeah that's sweater weather you know when you're on a yacht it's always sweater but so yeah what a fool believes by the doobie brothers sung masterfully by michael mcdonald michael mcdonald i feel it's gonna be all over this draft yeah it better be yeah yeah he's m's MVP of the league that'll never exist. Oh, yeah. Of the soft rock league.
Starting point is 00:30:10 I keep thinking up picks and writing them down on this piece of paper and wondering like, what would somebody think if they just found this piece of paper sitting in my room?
Starting point is 00:30:15 They would think you were probably 41 going through a divorce. This guy's 46, just got like a kind of a nice new car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just got a Saab.
Starting point is 00:30:25 But like a cherry Saab. There's only one gas station in Charlottesville, but I got to go there. Yeah. That's the one that can fuel a Saab. What a Fool Believes is kind of like, it's one of those, it's also kind of a mushy mouth song. Give me a little taste. The, uh, well, I mean, God. You came from somewhere back in the long ago.
Starting point is 00:30:40 I mean, God. You came from somewhere back a long ago. The sentimental fool don't see. Trying hard to recreate, but they're yet to be created. Now, for everybody listening, just real quick. That's not Michael McDonald. Musters a smile. He didn't show up here.
Starting point is 00:31:00 That's me. For years, don't touch their tail. Still in. Where have you been with this all these years? I've been doing what I wanted to say, only to realize. Is he going to hit the high note? Are you going to hit the high note? Get it. Call it.
Starting point is 00:31:12 It never really was. Oh, he brought it down. She had a place in his life. That little kid piano in the background. Never made her think twice. Holy crap, dude. As he rises to her apology, anybody else would surely know. He's watching her go.
Starting point is 00:31:42 What a fool believes. He sees. go. What a fool believes. He sees. The wise man has the power. There you go. It's a sad song a little bit, man.
Starting point is 00:31:59 I think it's like the song when you're playing in the doctor's office, but you're stoked when it's playing. Your blood pressure goes down. it's about a dude it's a song about a dude who thought he had something real meaningful with a girl and he goes that you know and he sees her uh-huh and he's like oh shit hey it's us you know remember what we had and just like she's like nah what no that wasn't that didn't mean anything tales of time it didn't mean anything it was oldest time you know yes yeah yeah i did it for you i'll run into her
Starting point is 00:32:34 one of these days no that meant nothing to me that was a stop on the block and it was the block you lived on uh so yeah and it's just it's just got i mean it's got a little bit of like uh it's definitely soft but it's got a little it's got a little drive to it you have such a good michael mcdonald on you thank you never knew that i don't really yeah i mean yeah you do but that's neither here nor there i'm gonna listen to this and i'll hear you i'll hear me and then i'll hear one of my best friends lying to me immediately like it's not gonna hurt enough for me to hear my terrible michael mcdonald it's not i gotta hear a man i love lying to me immediately after. Like, it's not going to hurt enough for me to hear my terrible Michael McDonald. It's not terrible. Then I got to hear a man I love lying
Starting point is 00:33:07 to me afterwards. Not true. That's why I picked him last. Out of your disrespect. Stop bringing up how you picked me last. The after party, I'm thinking about getting the biggest karaoke box possible. Oh, like a huge booth? Yeah. That'd be...
Starting point is 00:33:23 For like three hours? Yeah. I mean, I don't do karaoke a lot in this situation. That'd be, yeah. For like three hours? Yeah. I mean, I don't do karaoke a lot, and it's a sad situation. I would. I'm saying. Yeah. The last time I did it was at the Comedy Festival, where we all had it locked down. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:33 And it was tight. That was super fun. Yeah. I might try this song in a box environment. Maybe not in the wild. Start the box, and then build your way out. That's 100%. Anyway, dude, me and the Doobies are rolling with What a Fool Beliefs.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Great first pick. Jamel, what is your first pick going to be? First pick in a 2017 soft rock draft is going to be one that, yeah, maybe it's made me cry a few times. Good. Good. It's Sailing by Mr. Christopher Cross. Chris Cross. There you go. Chris Cross. Make it jump. Damn. Good. Sailing by Mr. Christopher Cross. Chris Cross. Dega.
Starting point is 00:34:06 Yes. Chris Cross. Make it jump. Damn. You know what I'm saying? Damn. You going to give me a taste? Clean. I mean, I don't know, man.
Starting point is 00:34:15 I don't know if that's necessary. I don't know if that's necessary. Just for the listener. I mean, they'll hear it because Marissa will put it in. Shout out to super producer Marissa Queen of Queens But it's the one Sailing
Starting point is 00:34:31 He's warmed up That song is maybe The archetypal soft rock song It's hard to find something That is softer but still rocks Two yacht joints Back to back. It is two yacht joints back to back.
Starting point is 00:34:46 I had to get it quick because that was not going to be on the board if it came back through me. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because I wanted to yacht up twice like Paul Allen. Exactly. Two yachts. I don't know what is yachting and what is softening. They're both.
Starting point is 00:35:02 It's squares and rectangles. Yacht's a subgenre. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yacht's a subgenre. Yeah, exactly. Yacht's a subgenre of soft rock. Okay. It's peppier, maybe, it seems like. It's a little more you move to it. There was more cocaine and money in it.
Starting point is 00:35:13 Yeah. And not cocaine and trouble. Just a skosh. Hard rock is cocaine and trouble. Yeah. Just moving a little bit. Yacht rock is like cocaine money in the open seas. My favorite thing about Sailing, NSYNC covered it on their first album.
Starting point is 00:35:31 Did they really? Yes. NSYNC's first album self-titled NSYNC? Yes. They did Sailing. And one of their first live performances was them doing it with Christopher Cross at the Blockbuster Video Awards. God damn it, Jamel. The Blockbuster Awards.
Starting point is 00:35:50 They won Best New Artist. How do you know that? I watched the shit the other day. Prior to this. My girl put me on. Brian McKnight introduced these fools in pajamas. Silk pajamas. They were wearing pajamas?
Starting point is 00:36:06 Nah, they had on like some leather. They had on like Averax jackets. Whoa. Brian McKnight was wearing silk pajamas? He was wearing a silk like monotone. Anything could have happened in the 90s. Anything could have. Seriously.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Don't hold fire. Brian McKnight wore a silk two-piece pajama set. Yes. Man. Introducing NSYNC to the world. Doing a Christopher Cross song with Christopher Cross. And they're suspended from wires and shit. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:36:31 So when they hit the ceiling, when they hit the note, they fly off. Christopher Cross is still sitting there like a fucking dickhead on stage. Fucking dickhead. They really tried to make it look like he didn't write the song. Damn. Yeah, yeah. Like, this is us. That's our guitar player.
Starting point is 00:36:51 Or piano, probably. Man. That's crazy. I'm looking that up tonight. Yeah, you need that. I know they had that limitless Blockbuster money back then. Blockbuster just thought it was going to last forever. So, I mean, who didn't think it was going to last forever?
Starting point is 00:37:04 That's why I'm worried about Netflix. Yeah. They had a fucking award show crazy to think about that yeah well you told me 15 years ago blockbuster wasn't gonna be around to be like you're do you think you're out of your goddamn mind do you think justin timberlake still has his blockbuster award god he seems like he's dope enough to maybe still or he smokes weed out of it oh yeah turn it into a bong i mean it might not be in the most serious room in the crib, but it might still be. How many Emmys would you have to win before you turned one into a bong?
Starting point is 00:37:31 Four. Yeah, four is the right number. Because three is your number. Three Grammys, though, because they're set up better. Yeah. Oh, they're ready to go. Yeah, well, how do you smoke weed out of an Emmy? I mean, you've had one in your hand.
Starting point is 00:37:41 I don't know, you have to drill. I mean, I've had one in my hand. I've had one stuck into the side of my head. I think you would have to just do some drilling. Yeah then like put a bowl on it yeah you wouldn't be a great ball no grammy would make a way better a nobel peace prize would make the bit no not really the stanley cup what the stanley cup yeah oh yeah that's a gravity ball yeah yeah six of them bitches at the bottom yeah stanley cup would fuck you up Stanley Cup would fuck you up. Man, it would fuck you up.
Starting point is 00:38:07 That would be bad. Everybody gets it for a day, right? Yeah, everybody gets it for a day. How fucked up is it if you gravity bong it? There's been, I guarantee you that's not even one of the 10 most fucked up things that's happened. Yeah, yeah. I don't even want it. It's hockey.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Somebody doodled in it. Yeah, somebody doodled in it. Somebody for sure came in it. For sure. Oh, definitely. A thousand percent. I've heard people watch their kids in it. Yeah, somebody doo-dooed in it. Somebody for sure came in it. For sure. Oh, definitely. A thousand percent. I've heard people watch their kids in it. Yeah, they bathe their children.
Starting point is 00:38:30 What else? Their filthy Canadian children. I would just get... Marissa's fucking sharpening a machete. Could you imagine at a barbecue and I'm just like... Regular barbecue, everything's happening, but then I'm just sipping out of the Stanley Cup. Stanley Cup. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:45 Roger, yeah. so you put the you put the deck in your backyard huh what have I been up to nothing really hell of a deck you stain that thing
Starting point is 00:38:54 yourself Roger you son of a bitch Sailing by Christopher Cross it's an excellent song it's a song that has the word reverie in it yeah there's not enough
Starting point is 00:39:03 of those in our lives just in general every word of the mystery do you know what reverie means don. Yeah. There's not enough of those in our lives. Never used in my life. Every word is a mystery. Do you know what reverie means? Don't put me on blast like that. No, I don't like the reverie of this prison cell. Give me back my fucking reverie. That could technically work.
Starting point is 00:39:17 That's my wife reverie. Reverie. What are you at the movies with her for? When you go to an Italian restaurant, am I either going to get the lasagna or the reverie? Hi, do you want some Parmesan cheese? No, I'll have a Scotia reverie, though,
Starting point is 00:39:29 if you have any in the back. Do you have any reverie? Reverie is what that guy who lives in the apartment next door to our house does to his engine every morning. No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:39:37 What? Wake me up? Reverie wakes me up? Reverie his engine? God. That, yeah. That fucking dude. One last thing about sailing sampled by puff daddy featuring
Starting point is 00:39:48 mario winans for a song called best friend okay i don't even know that song no i'm not big into the winans though me neither bb cc mario i see you got to show some love to bp and cc actually i got nothing for any of the winans i just have it it in my life. Wait. I only like BB and CC, I'm okay. Mario, I only liked the one song because Gucci Mane was like, girls are like buses. This one, next 15, one coming. Remember that? No.
Starting point is 00:40:15 And then he yells, purr. I absolutely remember that. Oh, wait. Is that the? That's Mario. That love in you, love in you. How would you want to break up? A frat used to make me listen to that.
Starting point is 00:40:32 Oh, yeah. Anyway. First pick. It's time for... Sorry, I got distracted by something on my phone real quick and fully logged off. David, it's time for your first pick oh sean sean went last my i am a fool because well because he david went ahead and did i'll
Starting point is 00:40:51 tell you what a fool believes is that it was david's turn it's not a sean's sean it's time for your first and your second pick gonna bring it a little more contemporary um i'm gonna make it i'm gonna make like michael and bolt on here. I mean, for my money. God damn it. For my money. I knew he was going to do it. I mean, I celebrate the guy's entire catalog, but for my money, I don't think it gets any better than when a man loves a woman. Oh.
Starting point is 00:41:15 Yeah. That's what you picked. Really? That's what I picked. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you know, a little easy. I, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:23 It's fantastic. Yeah, no, I, yeah. It's fantastic. That's a great song. He made it into a soft rock song. When Percy Sledge did it, it wasn't really a soft rock song. I'm saying, Percy Sledge has the better version of that song. Yeah, of course. But I wouldn't call that a soft rock song. The silence in the room would.
Starting point is 00:41:38 Yeah. I think that that's not a soft rock song. I think Michael Bolton's is a soft rock song. I agree. I agree with you. Yeah, he puts a little more soft rock song. I think Michael Bolton's is a soft rock song. I agree. I agree with you. Yeah, he puts a little more soft rock on it. He definitely does. It's the softer version for sure.
Starting point is 00:41:52 It's the only thing he can put on. He's Arby's. He's got two sauces. Soft rock and softer rock. The softer rock is made out of softer rock. It's just sort of they put less water in it. It is a great,
Starting point is 00:42:07 it is a great song. It's a great song. I thought it was going to be a different Bolton, a different Bolton banger off the board. Yeah, I might pick that later. Oh, fuck yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:13 If one of you doesn't pick it. You might pick, what if you go Bolton back to back? Oh, back to back Bolton? I doubt I will. People would either vote for you first or last. That would be the only.
Starting point is 00:42:21 Yeah, that'd either be, that'd either be a real bummer or like real dank. Walking through what you love about What a Man Loves a Woman a woman it's just an it's just a great soft rock song it's always like it's just what i think of when i think of soft rock yeah and it gets me like if i'm in that mood when i get i'm a little drunk and i put that on and i start thinking about those days those days that are lost you know yeah yeah it's an accurate song i mean when a man loves a woman and i can't keep his mind on nothing else.
Starting point is 00:42:46 I have turned my back on my best friend. Shouldn't have, but I have. Your best friend turned his back on you, my friend. It's happened a couple times. Yeah. And it's happened multiple, multiple times in different- Facts have been turned. Different rivers, you know.
Starting point is 00:42:58 But yeah, it's just a dank song. Nobody asked me for a taste. I mean, you're going to do whatever you want. I would love a taste. I just ate some poke. When a man loves a woman. Can't keep his mind on nothing else. Sure.
Starting point is 00:43:17 That doesn't sound like Michael Bolton. Just want to let the listeners know that was Sean Jordan. That wasn't a dude with an ear infection. That was not. Oh, wait. It was a guy with an ear infection. That was a man with an ear infection. That was not. Oh, wait. It was a guy with an ear infection. That was a man with an ear infection. That was not Michael Bolton. I'm a big fan of Michael Bolton's second life as a featured singer.
Starting point is 00:43:31 A funny guy? A funny guy, yeah. Yeah, I like him funny. This is a song of Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah, I love that song. That song goes, man. Yeah, it does really well. And he's just a good singer.
Starting point is 00:43:43 The jester of Tortuga. That song is funny. And wasn't he in that movie that the long island did or something like that or they did something they did a netflix special last year yeah or was it valentine's day yeah that was funny too michael walton seems chill i bet he's fun yeah i bet he drinks bud lights or like michelobes but a bunch of them a lot of michelobes And he had sex with so many beautiful blonde women with big curly blonde hair. Like feathered? And shoulder pads. Oh.
Starting point is 00:44:12 He ran the shoulder pad era. He ran the shoulder pad era. You couldn't do better than Michael Bolton in the shoulder pad era. And those weird suits that look like suit suits, kind of? Yeah. Like those, just, what are you doing? Because Kenny G was weird looking. Nobody, Kenny G's not sexy. He's not sexy at all. His music is sexy. Kenny G is not. kind of yeah like those just what are you doing because kenny g was weird looking nobody kenny
Starting point is 00:44:25 g's not sexy he's not sexy at all his music is sexy kenny g is not kenny g looks like that i'm pretty sure that dude from color me bad that like the yeah he looks like the dude from color me bad yeah the one who's not supposed to be hanging out right like what are you doing here like oh how come howie's here color me confused as to why you're here. He always got like the bright yellow suit. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, we would all look good if you weren't here. Kenny G, that guy from Color Me Bad, that one guitar, Kirk Hammett, is that the guy in Metallica?
Starting point is 00:44:52 Yeah. Oh, yeah. That guy's one of those guys, too. He's got the curly long hair. Weird curlies. Weird curls. The weird curly, yeah, the weird curl crew. Curly hair, long curly hair as a grown man, it's tough.
Starting point is 00:45:02 It's tough. Long hair in general as a grown man is tough. I mean's tough long hair in general is a grown i mean who pulled it off really easy yeah but easy he had that like that shorter he was tiny and that helped i feel like if you're tiny that's a great point we're huge yeah i don't know why the science behind that works but yeah easy my Perfect. Those are the two people. My mind went straight to Anderson Varajow. Awful curl. He's like 6'10".
Starting point is 00:45:31 But he's also tall as shit. It's all a part of it. Joe Kim Noah looks pretty good with it. He looks better than Varajow. It's tough. It's tough to pull off, man. Robin Lopez does not look good with it. He does it, but he doesn't. He doesn't need to look good. I don't think that's tough. It's tough to pull off, man. Robin Lopez does not look good with it. He does it, but he doesn't.
Starting point is 00:45:47 He doesn't need to look good. I don't think that's his. I think Robin Lopez is all about trying to get less bucks. Imagine hearing that from a guidance counselor. Well, you don't need to look good. You don't need to look good, bud. Because you are huge. You're making $14 million for the Chicago Bills right now.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Bulls. Chicago Bills. They're the Bills. They're the Bills. Fuck them. Yeah, because 0 forills. They're the Bills. They're the Bills. Fuck them. Yeah, because 0 for 4 over and over and over again.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Yeah, yeah. When a man loves a woman, Michael Bolton. Yeah, anyway, Michael Bolton was like getting, he was the king of getting butt back then. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:15 I really feel like he probably, his advanced stats were better than anybody else's advanced stats. Oh, I bet you there was crazy, yeah. His player efficiency rating. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:26 PPRs and such. Yeah, all that. Sean Jordan, time for your second pick as it is a serpentine. Second pick. Everything I do, I do it for you. Ryan Adams. Oh, wow. You try to get real. Oh, I do it
Starting point is 00:46:42 for you. Such a heart. Looking to you. Ryan, heart. Looking to you. Ryan, take a drink of water. I'm just going to say, Sean is blowing it right now. I have an ear infection, David. I have swimmer's ear. It doesn't mean you're dead.
Starting point is 00:46:56 You do to me such a heart. There it is. That's what I was looking for. Such a soul. And if you find me there, you. There it is. That's what I was looking for. Damn. It's hurt? No more? It's hurt.
Starting point is 00:47:20 Yeah. Flex. Flex. I can't help it There's nothing I want more Flex, flex No, it's true We're staring at each other Motherfucker Everything I do Piece of shit I do it for you
Starting point is 00:47:38 It's a good-ass song. Meanwhile, Kevin Costner is fucking shooting bows and arrows at people. Was that a Dances with Wolves song? It was Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Oh. Yeah. Christian Slater, the free man's up in there. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:49 Free man. Who was that? Morgan Freeman? Yeah. Who was that girl? It wasn't like Mary Elizabeth, Master Antonio or something. One of those girls with one of those crazy 80s names. Mary Elizabeth, Master Antonio is a great one.
Starting point is 00:48:04 Are you asking who was in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, though? I'm just wondering. Oh, maybe it was Madeline Stowe, which isn't that crazy of an 80s name. Anyway, that's just a good song. That was one of the first songs, as a kid, I remember being like, I fucking, I dig this, whatever this is.
Starting point is 00:48:17 That song is fucking great. I wanted to keep singing the whole thing just to hear it. You know what I mean? And that's my favorite Robin Hood. Dude, it was Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. Yeah. What a weird name, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:29 I don't feel like you get away with that anymore. With Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio? I guess he's the person with Shailene Woodley. That's not that crazy of a name. Benedict Cumberbatch. Benedict Cumberbatch. Tom Hiddleston. I feel like somebody would chop up that name a little bit when you're on the come up.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Mary Oneo. Yeah, you got to cut some of that out. Or no, actually, fuck that. What's your flag fly? You got seven names? Go by those seven names. Elizabeth Master Antonio. I mean, she didn't have like a great career.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Well, she was in The Abyss. She was on Scarface. Never mind. Better than my career? That was her in Scarface, wasn't it? She played his sister? Never mind. She's out there.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Did she really? She did, didn't she? Uh- his sister? Never mind. She's out there. Did she really? She did, didn't she? So she had that Anderson Varejow hair too. It was either Mr. Perfect Easy or Merely is with Pastor Antonio. Yeah, Gina Montana. That was Scarface's sister. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:19 Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Just a good ass song. That's a great pick. I think it's a great pick. It is. Such a heart. Such a soul. Wow. Just a good-ass song. That's a great pick. I think it's a great pick. It is.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Such a heart, such a soul. Yeah. And Brian Adams just had one of those voices where he's like, you shouldn't be famous with that voice, but you are. Oh, come on. He made it work. It's a specific. Trust me.
Starting point is 00:49:37 I'm not hating on Brian Adams. Michael Bolton don't have dissimilar voices. No. I think Michael Bolton can wail. I don't think Brian Adams can wail in his own right, but he doesn't really hit notes. I think Brian Adams is being wail. I don't think Brian Adams can wail in his own right, but he doesn't really hit notes. I think Brian Adams is being slept on right now in this room.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Come on, think about the Brian Adams songs, though. Really? Summer of 69. Yeah. Please forgive me. But see, it's the same. That's soft rock. I shouldn't have sang it. Revealing his board. Revealing your board. Ian just reading his iPod
Starting point is 00:50:06 because he's still got an iPod I wish I still had an iPod I'm just saying I think he's got some bangers maybe his vocal range there's another one I don't want to say it quick little Brian Adams story
Starting point is 00:50:21 we were doing a Ian normally says that when we're not on the podcast not said on podcasts enough little Brian Adams story. We were doing a... Ian normally says that when we're not on the podcast. Yeah. Not said on podcasts enough. We were driving to Oxnard the other day, actually,
Starting point is 00:50:31 and Ian just goes, you know, quick little Brian Adams story. Quick little Brian Adams story. He pulled over to tell me. I turned the car off. It was weird. That got Marissa.
Starting point is 00:50:41 We were doing a... We were trying... It never happened, but for the the 20th or 30th or whatever anniversary of back to the future we were trying to do a special carpool karaoke on the late late show yeah uh in in the in the delorean in the delorean we had the delorean on set this is how close it got to happening and uh we had like all these 80s one hit wonder artists who had agreed to come do it.
Starting point is 00:51:05 Yeah. And record songs, including Brian Adams, whose publicist had apparently told him he was going to do a solo carpool karaoke. Uh oh. And when he realized he was there to just do one song, he bailed. Right. And he was just like, I'm not doing it. And then for a minute, I was like, who the fuck does Brian Adams think he is? What songs does he even have?
Starting point is 00:51:23 And I went to his photography and I was like, okay yeah no i get it i would have walked out too good for you brian adams but no one can sign you to the dustbin of history he's got fucking he's got some bangers so that's yeah there's the quick little brian adams anecdote i respect his his g for that yeah i will i'm not gonna to lie Ryan Adams is not on my radar Just personally What about Jack and Diane? That's not him That's Johnny Cougs
Starting point is 00:51:55 That's the name Who's Ryan Adams? Ryan Adams is that dude He's that Canadian dude That kicked someone out of a show Some dude was at one of his Canadian dude that kicked someone out of a show for saying some dude was at one of his shows screaming, sing Summer of 69.
Starting point is 00:52:09 Yeah, that's what I would do. He's like, hey, knock it off. Let it ride like five or six times a year. You need to get out of here. Because he's like, Ryan Adams is like real soft. Wait, right? He's a real soft dude. He's a folk rock. Folk rock kind of of the Strokes era in New York in the early 2000s.
Starting point is 00:52:25 Is it Ryan Adams that's from Canada? Yeah, he's Canadian. Brian Adams is Canadian. Okay. They're all Canadians. Ryan Adams did a cover of Taylor Swift's 1989 album. He did. Yeah, and it was fucking dank.
Starting point is 00:52:35 Yeah. That's probably also not on your radar. If Brian Adams isn't on there, that might not be on there either, Jamal. No, I didn't know. I've never heard of that. Trying to find out what is on Jamal's radar with his second pick. Oh, I'm up now? Yeah. 17, Playboy. Isn't it Ian? No, I didn't know. I've never heard of that. Trying to find out what is on Jamel's radar with his second pick. Oh, I'm up now?
Starting point is 00:52:45 Yeah. Serving team, Playboy. Isn't it Ian? No, no. You picked this madness. Go ahead and hold it yourself. Oh, yeah, it is. Yeah, it is Jamel.
Starting point is 00:52:54 Okay, okay, okay. Noi. Noi, noi, noi, noi, noi. Not noi. Noi, noi. Noi ever. Not noi, not ever. Never.
Starting point is 00:53:02 Not never, ever. One second to check my board. Cool. I'll keep doing Australian accents. Everything I do, I do it for you. Makes mouth's water. Makes mouth's water. Remember that commercial? Win.
Starting point is 00:53:13 Never. Robin of Locksley. Australian toaster biscuits. Ho, ho, ho. Completely different shit. Mr. Potter. I'm ready. I'm I'm ready I'm locked in second pick
Starting point is 00:53:29 a little new to my life but not a day goes by now that I don't play it Higher Love Steve Winwood that one was on my fucking list Mine too
Starting point is 00:53:45 That was not yacht shit He is amazing One of the best male vocalists of all time I've said that so many fucking times I love Steve Winwood I didn't even know you felt that way He's the lead singer for Spencer Davis group Steve Winwood and Traffic
Starting point is 00:54:02 He was also the singer for Traffic But yeah he's fantastic. I had no idea you felt this way. Higher Love is a great song, bro. It's like you just want to sing it a cappella and clap. Yep. You know what I mean? Bring me a higher love.
Starting point is 00:54:16 Yeah. Whoa. Bring me a higher love. Whoa. Bring me. Yeah. There you go. There you go That's like That's that car commercial jam
Starting point is 00:54:28 Yeah You know what I mean It is yeah That's like you want to hear that On a car commercial Yeah I've been working on a dance routine Price the move
Starting point is 00:54:34 You got moves I mean I've been trying to put together A little simple Something that like Like a 60 and over dance team Could do Yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:54:41 But like If you hit that Like kind of a box Get the groceries Yeah Yeah but they're Scooping it up But they're like You know They're kind of bopping a little bit an over dance team could be. Yeah, yeah. But like, if you hit that, get the groceries. Yeah, but they're scooping it up, but they're like, you know,
Starting point is 00:54:49 they're kind of bopping a little bit. If you hit that at a wedding, I would lose my mind. That's all I can do. If you hit that at a wedding and Higher Love comes on, and then you just gotta dance to Higher Love. I did just buy,
Starting point is 00:54:58 I just bought two bottles of Grey Goose, so I might be ready. Pro tip for y'all, Ralph's has a really good Grey Goose coupon right now. Oh, that is really. We could always use a little more vodka now. It's 20 bucks.
Starting point is 00:55:10 It's Grey Goose bottles, 20 a piece, seven bucks off if you buy two. Wow, that is a great deal. I'm on a good heroin this weekend. We should get those bottles of Grey Goose. I'll be there. As long as you got the Ralph's card, you're in there. I got a Ralph's card. I'll be in Denver, but you guys should.
Starting point is 00:55:26 Oh shit, you'll be in Denver. It's the future coupons. You gotta log in on them shits. I'll make moves. The goose is loose. Higher Love, man. It's such a good song. I'm pretty upset.
Starting point is 00:55:41 I had no idea that Steve Winwood was in the Spencer Davis group. Yeah, that song is fucking so good. That doesn't... If I was at a bar and Higher Love came on, I'd be like... I wouldn't be standing on the table, but you know how bar stools, they have like the two ledges and then the stool?
Starting point is 00:55:57 Yeah. I'd be up on that second ledge. You'd be double... Second ledge in it? I'd be second ledge in it trying to make eye contact with strangers. Yeah. Just leaning into the bar, you can see the well drinks and you're just looking over.
Starting point is 00:56:07 Give me a high love. And the lady be cool with it because it's the roost. You pull up a bottle and use it. We got a long leash there. We do what we want. Use the bottle for a microphone. She's like, just don't drink out of it. Just don't drink out of it.
Starting point is 00:56:17 You can use that bottle for a mic. I won't. All day. I won't. You can trust me. And then you take a shot, be smiling at her. Yeah. And then she lets it ride.
Starting point is 00:56:23 And then it's flip. Just a little. Take care of it. High love. Excellent song. I wish I had a little Steve Winwood story. I don't. One of the best male vocalists.
Starting point is 00:56:33 I love how flagrantly you throw that out. I'll say it all day. It was crazy how hard you joked. I didn't know you wrote that hard for Steve Winwood. Steve Winwood is up my alley. Like, they made him for my ears. You've got to be one of the biggest under 40 Steve Winwood fans
Starting point is 00:56:47 in Southern California. 100%. That's a guarantee. Like, you're probably one of the top, and I'm just like, with full confidence, I guarantee you're one of the top 250 Steve Winwood fans
Starting point is 00:56:58 under 40 in Southern California. Great. I definitely think. Right? You were so hard on it. Yeah. You came out quick. I mean, that can't be how
Starting point is 00:57:05 many how many steve winwood fans under 40 do you think like fans yeah i guess i would count as a fan are in southern california 20 20 nah dude you're forgetting about 11 million people in la you have totally forgot about the inland empire my dude and i feel like are you kidding you were like i feel like san diego also rides hard for the Wayne Wood. If you were feeling like- A whole lot of gangster. If I asked you, so this pick aside, if I was like, Sean, give me your 25 best male vocalist, I'll give you a day to think about it.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Steve Winwood's on there. And he's on there? Yeah. Yeah, see? Top five? No. Dead or Alive? Top five, Dead or Alive.
Starting point is 00:57:42 Top 20? God, I don't know. Yeah, top 15. Top 15 15 top 15 so the amount of people it's just because i like his voice and it's i get it i'm not attacking you whatsoever this guy's awesome but it's just interesting to think who under 40 in southern california with steve winwood in their top 15 male vocalists all-time dead or alive it's not a lot of people it's not a lot of people a few hundred people it's probably a few hundred i'm gonna say somewhere in the in the in the fours of hundreds i think that's people yeah fours is fair and he's not even on your list we don't know yet all right
Starting point is 00:58:14 damn it i might have poached i might have poached something right there uh all right Now, with my second pick. Oh, God. I didn't think I was going to get to that noise this early. All right. Okay. Okay. So it's Soft Rock. This isn't my favorite song by this band, but I would argue that their best song by this band isn't Soft Rock. But this song is Soft Rock.
Starting point is 00:58:44 We've debated it before okay so i'm taking africa by toto sure okay yeah yeah right obviously the best song on my board hold the line the line don't think it's soft rock it's a little harder it's a little harder that's that's like uh hold the wine is whiskey music hold the line is whiskey music but they might they might play it on a soft rock station they might but it's out of pocket that like, it's like the edge of what the, you know what I'm saying? Like for sure. I think Africa is,
Starting point is 00:59:09 it's right in there. It even sounds, it's, it starts off very soft. Right. With those old, uh, hand float,
Starting point is 00:59:16 hand flutes or whatever. Yeah. Right. Yeah. What they think like a safari would sound like or something. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. It's been, it probably had never been to Africa. I would imagine that. They have never been to Africa. What they think a safari would sound like or something. Probably, yeah. They probably had never been to Africa.
Starting point is 00:59:29 I would imagine that the guys from Kodo. They had never been to Africa. When they wrote that song, they had never been to Africa. It was very. Dog, that's not even what Africa sounds like. I've been there. It doesn't sound like that. No, it does. You could not look at that landscape and write that song.
Starting point is 00:59:45 That song is Western Indiana. It's super Western. Yeah. I think, I'll look it up in a second, but if I'm not mistaken, I think the lead singer of Toto is John Williams, the composer, his son. Really? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:57 And for some, when this song came out in 1982, Africa was very big. Africa was cool for white dudes in the 80s, I feel like. Africa was very big. Africa was cool for white dudes in the 80s. Africa and Australia where it was like... We had Crocodile Dundee and all that stuff. In Africa, people were very into saying they were like...
Starting point is 01:00:14 I'm interested in Africa. I think that's because it was before AIDS. Yeah. What, do you think that's funny? No, I'll tell you what I was listening to my YouTube, my YouTube channel at work today. Every,
Starting point is 01:00:28 after every single song was an HIV medication commercial. Damn. Like the shit that I'm listening to. What porn are you watching and stuff? Why, why does it fall in line? I just don't know. It's the,
Starting point is 01:00:40 it's the stuff I'm listening to at work. What are you listening to at work? Like a lot of Cottonmouth Kings. Yeah, yeah, okay, yes. He's about to flip out of his chair. Without headphones in. A lot of Cottonmouth Kings, you asshole. That's so funny.
Starting point is 01:00:57 I just pull my headphones out. We're the Bonk Token Alcoholics. Yeah. And then I go back to work, and I'm like, Ashtonon whenever that chorus comes on i'm gonna sing with a bong token alcoholics cottonmouth kings is what they call us i mean can i read some of the i mean this song is it's a great it's a great song it sounds great but the lyrics are insanely like it opens with i hear the drums echoing tonight. Just like you would in Africa.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Yeah, you watched a cartoon. But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation. She's coming in 1230 flight. The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation. That has nothing to do with Africa. No. I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies. He turned to me as if to say, hurry boy, it's waiting there for you.
Starting point is 01:01:49 That's not what he turned to you to say. He turned to say, you shitty white person, leave me alone. Like, think about that. I stopped and asked an old man, give me some African jewels. Can I have some wisdom? You shitty white person, leave me alone. God. So we all know the chorus.
Starting point is 01:02:09 Like, I bless the rains down in Africa. But the second verse starts, the wild dogs cry out in the night as they grow restless longing for some solitary company. Hell yeah. The dogs are like, fuck, what are you talking about? And then as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti. These dudes like absolutely just watched a National Geographic documentary. Yeah. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:02:30 This is bullshit. And then wrote this song. That's crazy. It's a cut though. It is. It is. It goes hard. The fun thing about these rap genius pages is it says what songs have sampled.
Starting point is 01:02:41 That's awesome. Or interpolated them. I love that. New World by Nas. Fight for You by Jason Derulo. Murder Rains by Ja Rule. Ooh, man. Baby. Huey Newton by Wiz Khalifa.
Starting point is 01:02:53 Huh. Oh, Reloaded by Rich Homie Kwan. I have to listen to that. Yeah, I got a... Heart of Man by Xzibit. That's a cut. Yeah. Xzibit has used a lot of soft rock.
Starting point is 01:03:04 You got some Billy Joel samples. Oh, yeah. I love Xzibit. What's Xzibit has used a lot of soft rock. You got some Billy Joel samples. Oh, yeah. What's Xzibit listening to on the weekends? He's getting older. I don't know what. Probably Steve Winwood. He's one of the other guys. He's trying to find me on Twitter.
Starting point is 01:03:18 He's looking for me like fucking Neo or something. He's trying to find me like where you at. Call it what you want to call it. I'm a Steve Winwood-aholic. We're the Fong token alcoholics yeah uh okay africa by toto great pick it's it's it's just fantastic just hits the spot it just hits the spot yep uh david borey it is time for your second and then third pick so my second pick i'm gonna go with another song that just like, every time I hear it, man, I just fucking feel it like in my heart. And it is,
Starting point is 01:03:48 uh, up where we belong. Oh yeah. Yes. Shit. When they hit that, like shit hard, that
Starting point is 01:03:55 it's, oh shit. I just like, I can't even explain. It feels like America is having a baby in my heart. You know what I'm saying? It i just like i can't even explain it feels like america is having a baby in my heart like all the good like i don't know man i just see like amber waves of grain yeah but then like eagles like snatch like it just feels like what america should like when my mom became a citizen they show a video.
Starting point is 01:04:25 Yeah. And I think that that video should be playing of where we belong. And it's just like rippling flags. Where eagles fly on mountain high. Oh, man. That song is powerful. It's so like, I like that better than the other Joe Cocker hit. Really? Yeah, I don't know, man.
Starting point is 01:04:48 Because especially the version with the lady. With Jennifer Warnes? Yeah, when you listen to it, man, you just, fuck, dude. It makes you really feel like only love matters, which is crazy because you need money. It's that later Joe Cocker. Later Joe. Slightly later. Because he had, like, hippie crazy hair like Joe Cocker that we mentioned on a previous podcast.
Starting point is 01:05:09 Right. Songs. Yeah. And then this one's a little more cleaned up. Looking for that love now. Yeah. Looking for that love for sure. Looking for that love.
Starting point is 01:05:16 Not looking for the drugs. Looking for the love for itself. I mean, you get the drugs. You do the drugs. Yeah. The drugs get coursing through your veins. And then you do that for like 20 years. And then you want some love.
Starting point is 01:05:24 Where eagles fly they got cannons in that shit that song is dangerous because you may be in love and not be as in love as that song sounds
Starting point is 01:05:39 no not at all you could be in like a really happy relationship and then you hear that song and you're like but am I in enough love you know what I mean? No, not at all. You could just be kind of in love. You could be in a really happy relationship, and then you hear that song, and you're like, but am I in enough love? Yeah, yeah. You know? That's Joe Cocker. That's malpractice. I think about that with some of those deep-ass love songs.
Starting point is 01:05:55 You're like, I mean, I don't know about all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. I would die for you. Cut my hand off. Yeah. What are you talking about? Doesn't he make some flagrant claims on anything I do?
Starting point is 01:06:11 I'd die for you. I'd lie for you. Cross the line. Walk the line for you or something. One of those is wildly different than the other two. Yeah, one of them is not that big of a deal. I guess I'd lie for you. If your boss was like, was she sick yesterday?
Starting point is 01:06:22 I'd be like, yeah, she was sick. No. Absolutely. That is a lie yeah i'm not gonna like commit perjury right well i will i i bet you i'd commit perjury a lot easier than i think i would i bet i'd be pretty quick to lie on the stand if it benefit anyone i knew damn you should not be saying this onto a recorded track. I don't read books, David. I know that. Give a shit.
Starting point is 01:06:45 Okay. I can't help you. That's forever there. Business of love. I understand. Threw my shirt out the window. Oh, yeah. I would fight for you.
Starting point is 01:06:52 I'd lie for you. Walk the wire for you. Yeah, I'd die for you. See, one of those is crazy. The last one. Yeah. The last one. And then-
Starting point is 01:07:01 Would you? Would you, Brian? Robinhood would. So I guess that song's about Robinhood. See, see. And he would. would would you brian robin hood would so i guess that song's about robin hood and he would so you know all right we're talking about that we're talking about up where we belong by joe cocker a little more reasonable you're asking for love to lift you up up above a mountain that song is just us together yeah like what i think about is we're two freaks yeah like we're both fucking weirdos. The fact that Joe Cocker's involved makes it seem like it's a song about freaks.
Starting point is 01:07:28 That's what I'm saying. It's not like people, I think people always think it's like, it's not about like the high school cheerleader and the football player. No, not this one. It's about the kids smoking cigs under the bleachers. It's them getting married and taking on this world together. It's 100% what it is. It's for weird body love.
Starting point is 01:07:45 It's a love song for weird body lovers. Weird body love. We both found out that you listen to that song while you're playing paintball. And you just found that out. And you're like, hell yeah, let's get married. Yeah, some weird shit. It's a song for when there's like some pizza in the bed, too. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Or something. That's up where we belong. Fucking on crumbs. Fucking on crumbs. That's an album. That's got to be an album. It's we belong. Fucking on crumbs. Fucking on crumbs! That's an album. That's got to be an album. It's a song for fucking on crumbs. It is a song for fucking on crumbs.
Starting point is 01:08:11 It's not that rose petal music. Yeah, it isn't that rose petal music, though. That's like that Barry White shit. This is like, yeah, Joe Cocker, strange love for sure. Dirty strange love. Some pepperoni and crumbs all over the bed. Throw me down on it. We're both kind of smelly.
Starting point is 01:08:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We both smell like meat. You could both use a shower. Yeah. Up where we belong is your second pick and your third pick. So my third pick, I'm going back to like more of an upbeat thing. Okay. And I think it's just a real classic, just a classic middle of the road for all the middle of the road reasons.
Starting point is 01:08:52 Yeah. Soft rock song. I'm going Walking in Memphis. Oh. Because from what I hear, he's totally like a fraud. Yeah. It's just like he just made up a song. What's his name?
Starting point is 01:09:04 It's Michael. I got it, Mark Cohn it's just, it's got a bunch of stuff in that song, once again bold claims that I don't really understand yeah but that's what's the best about bold claims when she's like, are you a Christian child? and he's like, I am tonight what the fuck are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:09:20 I will say, ma'am I am tonight if I can speak on behalf of a man who I'm not sure is Jewish, but going by the name of Mark Cohn, I think maybe is. Wait, are you Jewish? A hundred percent. Bar Mitzvah and everything. Yeah. Thank you for asking.
Starting point is 01:09:35 Yeah. Yeah. You are. And there's some, sometimes you'll walk by, you'll hear like gospel music or see like a real fun church thing. And you're like, I could see how you could do that for one night. Yeah. Yeah. That's the way.
Starting point is 01:09:49 But it is a very suspect song. It's a great song. It's a great song. It sounds great. What are they talking about? Walking in Memphis. I don't even know what he's saying. What is he saying right there?
Starting point is 01:10:04 10 feet off of Beale. Beale Street. Oh, all right. Yeah, I was just making it up. It's like a bourbon street. It sounds like he's really like, it's like making an I Love L.A. song. It's just like, I like Disneyland. Yeah, Sunset Vine.
Starting point is 01:10:19 Yeah, yeah. He doesn't have any deep Memphis cuts to make me believe. He's not shouting out Orange Mound? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't have any deep Memphis cuts to make me believe. He's not shouting out Orange Mound? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least get Mark Gasol. Throw Mark Gasol in there, Mark Khan. I saw Tony Allen.
Starting point is 01:10:37 Bursting defense. Everything I know about Memphis is from the Grizzlies. Yeah. And Justin Timberlake is from Memphis. He says it in the chorus. If I'm walking in Memphis, walking with my feet 10 feet off a bill, walking in Memphis, but do I really feel the way I feel? Doesn't mean anything.
Starting point is 01:10:57 It doesn't. It means nothing. But it sounds so good because his voice is like Michael McDonald-y. Do I really feel what I feel? You feel that shit. It takes a bite. Some people can just sing some shit and the words don't matter. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:13 This song is fucking paint-by-numbers Southern Elvis shit. Because the whole second one is about Elvis. Yeah. Yeah. I respect it. I love that song. it's on the phone that'll go on when i'm on a plane and i've had like five shooters or so i put that on and i'm like headphones headphones are loud and i'll tap people and be like what's up like i know i'm whispering what's up i'm saying fucking doing have you gotten in trouble for bringing your
Starting point is 01:11:41 own shooters on planes yet never i've never gotten in trouble either because Because they tell you you're not allowed to bring your own alcohol. That's recently, though. They tell me to wear pants. I feel like that just started. That's true. No, I mean, dude, you can fill the Grand Canyon with this shit. They will let you do it. You bring them in.
Starting point is 01:11:56 You can bring in like 11 or some shit. And you can just make. I just go into the bathroom. I'll get a Coke, dump half of it out, and then just make a very, very strong drink that i don't need to drink very fast yeah so i bring guns on flights you know just put them on the uh the tray like the matrix just set them on as long as you lay it on yeah you just have to put it on the tray you have to be like there's nothing i'm hiding what do you got to hide right here yeah my gun's on the table where's yours i mean if this thing fucking if this thing crash lands in the amazon rainforest you're gonna be thinking you're lucky stars have brought these guns on this flight
Starting point is 01:12:27 she's like good point exactly so yeah no i haven't gotten in trouble for my shooters all right cool you bring on different kinds of shooters yeah yeah yeah yeah should i bring on future shooters that he's mentioning in his songs. All right. But yeah, walking in Memphis. Walking in Memphis. All right. All right.
Starting point is 01:12:50 It's time for my third pick. Ah. Ah. Ah. All right. I got to take another song that's not the band's best song, but I think it is definitely their soft rockest song. There was a lot of that this draft.
Starting point is 01:13:07 There are a lot of them. A lot of them where you're like, oh, but I can't pick the heater I like. I can't pick the heater, but I can pick a heater. And they say that the road is no place to start a family. Sure. You know? But right down the line, it's been you and me. And they say loving a music band is not always what it's supposed to be.
Starting point is 01:13:34 Oh, you stand by me oh i'm forever yours oh it sounds so much funnier when someone's faithfully faithfully by journey I fucking love that song How many people do you think that's their wedding song? Hella How many of those people do you think are still married though? Oh god My mom and my dad are You want to hear an opinion about Steve Perry?
Starting point is 01:13:58 Top 5 alive or dead male vocalists of all time Top 5 dead or alive Over Steve Winwood? Way over Steve Winwood I think Steve Perry is a perfect singer What does he rank five dead or alive? Over Steve Winwood? Way over Steve Winwood. I think Steve Perry is pert near a perfect singer. What does he rank in your Steve's? Top Steve? Yeah. Well, no. No.
Starting point is 01:14:11 I mean, does he have any software? I don't want to say. Different Steve is number one. Oh, okay. Steve Aoki. Judkins? Stevelin? Steve Aoki. We're talking about the wheels of steel. The heir to the Benihana fortune? Steve Aoki? Steve, spin it!
Starting point is 01:14:28 That's what I say. Yeah, no, Steve Perry, I think, is a fucking amazing singer. Amazing. So not good looking, too, which makes him a better singer to me. I like it when my singers are ugly. Yeah. I love when he busts in with, suck his lights onto the big top world. Yeah. I just love that part.
Starting point is 01:14:47 He's fantastic. We've told the story on this podcast before. Somebody told it, and I'll repeat it now, where everybody else in Journey was like they hated Steve Perry because when they would go on tour, because he was very particular about his voice, so he would sit in and drink tea and do vocal exercises and have a humidifier going.
Starting point is 01:15:05 God, that would be annoying. Everyone else in Journey would be out getting butt. And they'd be mad at him for not partying with them. And he's like, I'm... I'm basically the band. I'm Journey. I'm taking care of this. I'm a world-class rock star.
Starting point is 01:15:16 Yeah. We can get a different fucking guitar player if we have to. If you want the wheel on the... Well, that's what happened was they got a different singer. I know they did. From the Philippines. Shout out to that little Filipino dude. Right?
Starting point is 01:15:26 He was fucking... He sounds just like Steve Carey. Yeah, he wails. Kelly Jordan, if you give her an in, will give you an earful and a doggy bag full of earful to take home about how dope that dude is. The new kid? The new dude. She is fucking...
Starting point is 01:15:40 Swears he's better than Steve. Wow. What? Did she see him at the... at the sioux falls half time at a sioux falls sky force game no is it the fair dog yeah but she loves him and shout out to saint uh saint kelly yeah she's dank she's dank but yeah that dude sounds exactly like steven perry i love him that was a great pick yeah shout out to sue carmel while we're at it saint sue yeah sarah bori's listening saint sue made some uh i wasn't sold shout out to shout out to Sue Carmel while we're at it. Saint Sue Carmel. Hell yeah, Saint Sue. Yeah. Sarah Borey's listening.
Starting point is 01:16:05 Saint Sue made some, I wasn't sold, shout out to Saint Sarah Borey. I wasn't sold on sweet potatoes because I'm a savory boy. And Sue Carmel whipped up some sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving. Were they mashed? They were like, they were almost like whipped. Yeah, that's the only way I can fuck with them. And they were so good. But that's almost its own dessert.
Starting point is 01:16:23 It was its own kind of dessert. Yeah. I would have had to try them and then i i would have had to act like i liked them because i can't do anything but that i know wait in front of but have you ever had them with the marshmallows on top you heard it last week or two weeks ago we had them twice and thrown up both times all right all right i bet you would like these ones i probably would hand to god made those jamel it is time for your third pick. Third pick? Hmm. This one's for me. I don't know
Starting point is 01:16:50 if it's as much of a banger as I think it is, but I have to trade it up for this one. Sure. Lowdown by Boz Skaggs. Remember that one? I don't know. I don't know that I know that song. Hold on, let me don't know. I don't know that I know that song.
Starting point is 01:17:05 Hold on. Let me look this up. Lowdown by Boz Skaggs. B-O-Z Skaggs, dude. Right. One of Michael McDonald's boys, by the way. Is he? Yeah. Really?
Starting point is 01:17:16 He's one of the greats. There's this song Lonely Teardrops. I love this song Lonely Teardrops. Michael McDonald has a really good version. And after this song, he goes, all right, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to bring up my good friend boz skags he said it just like michael you can say boss skaggs i thought boz skaggs was black for the majority of my life he is not he's not looking but he'd be hitting them notes dude really damn he was in the steve miller band yeah man boss gag here's another thing about boss scags the song lowdown is off an album called silk
Starting point is 01:17:50 degrees damn come on now that's all that's all you need to know i didn't even know i wanted a degree silk degrees i didn't know you could major in silk uh what's the weather right now silk degrees and then you're just laying someone down at silk degrees silk degrees you didn't know you could major in silk What's the weather right now? Silk degrees And then you're just laying someone down Silk degrees That's when we should start calling it When it's that perfect weather Silk degrees Done deal
Starting point is 01:18:16 Silk degrees How dare you I'm about to go take a walk It's just about silk degrees outside it's just about silk degrees outside it's just about silk degrees outside we got freddie tackett on guitar let's do that on slide what time is about silk 30 let's go to the club uh i don't know this song i want to put like yeah i don't have the wi-fi i mean i'm gonna play it oh that works it's gonna go to an advertiser first it'll play on the podcast and i'll just listen to this podcast what's its what's its kind of
Starting point is 01:18:49 vibe what's the uh what's the tenor of the song oh it's a little upbeat yeah you know it's kind of got a um it's a pool hall vibe i got one I got one of those. It's a pool hall. I know exactly what you're talking about. I do too now. All right. I got to play in the background. Oh, okay. All right. Oh, this is a pool hall. Yeah, you just stepped in. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 01:19:12 I'm eating mozzarella sticks, but that guy's smoking a cigarette. Yeah, yeah. Just got paid. Oh, yeah. Direct deposit just hit. Ooh. Somebody sampled this. Ooh.
Starting point is 01:19:23 Did they not? Oh, I'm sure. Somebody sampled it. This is a jam. Yeah, I mean, they'll figure it out. But yeahpled this. Ooh. Did they not? Oh, I'm sure. Somebody sampled it. This is a jam. I'll figure it out. But yeah, it's tight. Oh, I've heard this song. Vaz Skagg.
Starting point is 01:19:34 Yes. That guy's voice is crazy. I thought he was black, too. I've heard that song. Sounds like Gary Neville. I did not know that was a white guy. Yeah, that is a white male. Sometimes they surprise you.
Starting point is 01:19:45 Yeah. You came first. I got a good boss. Yeah, that wasn't bad. Sounds like Aaron Neville to me. It's close. It's close. That's the good thing.
Starting point is 01:20:00 Oh, I did not know that that was a white guy. I never knew that. That's pretty buck. Skaggs. I know that song even. Boz Skaggs. Boz. I don't know if that was a white guy. I never knew that. That's pretty buck. Skaggs. I know that song even. Boz Skaggs. Boz. Not enough Bozes in our life.
Starting point is 01:20:09 No. Shout out to Brian Boz. Brian Boz is the only other one. Yeah. Oh, shout out to my homie Boz. He does pornography. Actor or director? Actor.
Starting point is 01:20:19 Ooh, good for him, dude. This dude. He's got what you need to do. He's got the necessary requirements. Let's just say I don't want him to cut my hair anymore because it rubs on my shoulder. His dick, right? And I'm laying down.
Starting point is 01:20:33 Yeah, he's huge dick. His big penis, Sean. His huge girthy dong. Big ol' smoking dick. It's honestly more of a curse than a gift. Guys, swinging a big stick, as they say. His what? Swinging a big stick.
Starting point is 01:20:46 Yeah. Packets of meat. Tripod. Third leg. What did Bernie Mac say? I'm hung low. I'm hung low. I'm blessed.
Starting point is 01:20:53 Big bone. Yeah. In his pants with a picture of Bernie Mac airbrushed onto him. That's where his big penis is. What a fucking genius. All right. Low down. Excellent pick. Sean, it's time for your third and fourth picks. Oh, shit. That's where his big penis is. What a fucking genius. Lowdown, excellent pick. Sean, it's time for your
Starting point is 01:21:05 third and fourth picks. Oh shit, that's right. Third pick. I'm going to pick Total Eclipse of the Heart by the Dan Band. Oh, really? Is that still soft rock? And fucking every now and then I fall apart.
Starting point is 01:21:21 Is it still soft rock if they're dropping hard ass? I don't know. God, there's not a lot of soft rock songs with hard ass. I fall apart. Is it still soft rock if they're dropping hard ass? I don't know. God, there's not a lot of soft rock songs with hard ass. I feel like. I ficked it. It's still. All right. I'm just saying.
Starting point is 01:21:31 Unless he says I can't. I don't know, man. I'm looking at the commissioner. I usually read the room on this one, and the room doesn't like it. You guys all got stoked when I ficked it. Yeah. You guys all got stoked when I ficked it. It's a really good pick.
Starting point is 01:21:43 It's a great pick, the Dan Van thing. You got stoked when I said the Dan Van.'s a great pick The Dan Van thing You got stoked When I said the Dan Van We're fucking every now and then I fall apart And I need you now Tonight I fucking need you more
Starting point is 01:21:55 Than ever I feel like the fucking Is what makes it Not a soft rock song The fucking is hard rock But it's about fucking Bonnie Tyler's version Is better Oh man that's funny I never thought about The fucking is hard rocking. Bonnie Tyler's version is better. Oh man, that's funny. I never thought about how fucking makes it
Starting point is 01:22:09 a hard rock song. I'm gonna allow it, but with the caveat that I sincerely believe the Bonnie Tyler original version is the superior flavor. I think so. And has one of the wildest music videos of all time. It does. I watched it. Have you seen it? I watched it today.
Starting point is 01:22:24 There's ninjas and football players in it. And they're in a mansion. I don't know that I'd ever seen it. I watched it today. And that's what reminded me. I was like, oh, the Dan band had that funny one, though. It looks like you did acid in a Meatloaf music video. The music video for that song.
Starting point is 01:22:39 I mean, the Dan band version is great. Yeah. That is. And the listeners love you. So they're going to let you get away with it. I like the. Some of them might even agree. Who the fuck knows? Well, yeah, they're going to agree because you're so affable, charming, funny.
Starting point is 01:22:51 Yeah, they love your personality. If they search the heart, if they take a torch and wander into the catacombs of their subconscious and open the door marked heart, they will see inside and see that it is not the Dan Van playing in there. It's Bonnie Tyler and her studio musicians. Open the door marked heart. All right. I know it's in here somewhere.
Starting point is 01:23:09 It's in there. All right. The Dan Band. The Dan Band. Total eclipse of the heart. Yeah. Total eclipse of the tri-heart. Someone had to do it.
Starting point is 01:23:17 I haven't heard a crazy pick yet. All right. All right. All right. Put your shirt on. I burned it, dude. It's gone. Put that Bible out.
Starting point is 01:23:24 What are you doing? So the Dan Band. Okay.. Put your shirt on. I burned it, dude. It's gone. Put that Bible out. What are you doing? So the Dan van. Okay. You can speak on it. Do you have something to say about the Dan van? You got a little something to say about the fucking Dan van? We're talking about the goddamn Dan van. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:35 I said what I had to say. Sean's feeling threatened. You got a little something else to say about the fucking Dan van, bro. Yeah. It's hard. It's hard over here, Danny. Sean got a shield. He doesn't have a sword, but he's holding a medieval shield.
Starting point is 01:23:45 A Jordan family crest over here. Yeah. Oh, shit. It's just a bottle of Jameson. It's just in front of your heart. You think the Dan Band, that's their only job? For a while it was, I think. That guy's got to have like another gig, right?
Starting point is 01:23:56 I don't know. Do they tour and stuff? Are they still doing stuff? I don't. I think that question answered itself. Shout out to Dan Band. I fucking need you more than ever. They were in that, and then they were in Starsky and Hutch.
Starting point is 01:24:08 Yeah. Yeah, they were. Yeah, because I was like, oh, yeah, those dudes. Yeah. That is right. I think I saw them on Comedy Central once. Okay. Doing something.
Starting point is 01:24:17 Not a premium blend, but something like that. They could have had a little special. I would have watched their 30-minute. Oh, yeah, they're in The Hangover, too. I would have watched their 30-minute. I would have watched their 30-minute. Oh, are they in the hangover? They're in the hangover. They're doing all right.
Starting point is 01:24:29 All right. Yeah, that was good. But next pick. I want to hear your next pick. Bad. So if you watch The Karate Kid 2, if you watch it all the way to the end of the movie, then you're going to hear one of my favorite songs of all time. I am the man who will fight for your honor i am the hero that
Starting point is 01:24:50 you're dreaming of gonna live forever knowing together that we did it all for the glory of love. Like a knight in shining armor from a long time ago. Yes, in time I'll save the day. Take you to my castle far away. Ooh, good work. Damn. That's so good.
Starting point is 01:25:23 It's one of the best songs, soft rock ever, but it's got one of the wackest lyrics. And I know I just picked it, but he goes, like a knight in shining armor from a long time ago. Yeah, you know. That's one of the worst. Laura and I talk about it all the fucking time. They probably debated over what era the knight should be from. Peter Cetera was like, right, so it's a knight in shining armor.
Starting point is 01:25:42 And this guy's like, like at medieval Times, that restaurant in Anaheim? No, man. No. No, you fucking asshole. No, like from a long time ago. Well, put it in there then, Peter. We've been here for nine hours. All the coke's gone.
Starting point is 01:25:55 Write the fucking song. It's going to be a hit. You're a hit machine. All the coke's gone. Listen, for Peter Cetera, all the coke was never gone. Man was in Chicago. You're a goddamn hit machine. Now crank it out, Pete.
Starting point is 01:26:08 Peter Cetere cranking out hits, cranking out children. How many kids does he have? I don't know, man. He's got at least one. He's got one for sure. Like a night in China, no homo. I'm not going to say. Anyway, we're moving on.
Starting point is 01:26:22 It's just for whoever's listening. It's been secrets month on All Fantasy Everything. I know. So many say. Anyway, we're moving on. It's just, whoever's listening. It's been Secrets Month on All Fantasy Everything. I know. So many secrets. So many secrets. That song is dope. It's just a dope song. That song is great, and there's a great punk cover of it, which is how I, I think by me
Starting point is 01:26:36 first. Me first? Give me, give me, give me. I think. Let me. Will you do your punk rock? Ian used to do this fucking punk rock voice. Like a knight in shining armor. Like a knight in shining armor.
Starting point is 01:26:47 Like a knight in shining armor. From a long time ago. It's the time I'll save the day. Take it to my castle far away. Hey, yay. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Take it to my castle far away. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
Starting point is 01:27:02 That tone of voice makes me want to skate in a pool. I just immediately wanted to jump in a pool. It's like that good Charlotte ring. The little things. Just flick a cigarette on a car when you're skating by it, looking at the woman driving it. That's why you did it.
Starting point is 01:27:21 You can do it with Andy's talk. Would you know my name? If I saw you in heaven. You can do it with any song. Would you know my name? Sha-na-na-na-na. If I saw you in heaven. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na. Would it be the same?
Starting point is 01:27:33 Sha-na-na-na-na-na. If I saw you in heaven. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na. You know I must be strong. Sha-na-na-na-na-na. And carry on. Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven I'm sweating
Starting point is 01:27:54 you know people I bet you someone's gonna do that in like Muskegon tomorrow at like a punk rock show oh yeah
Starting point is 01:28:00 oh it was Newfound Glory that had Glory of Love my bad oh man Newfound Glory oh that's so good I was laughing so hard right there yeah it was Newfound Glory that had Glory of Love. My bad. Newfound Glory. Boy. That's so good.
Starting point is 01:28:05 I was laughing so hard right there. Yeah, it was good. It was good. Good job. You're a professional. Hey, Whitmer Thomas also has an amazing Blink-182. I just saw him do it the other night. God damn it was great.
Starting point is 01:28:14 Where he does the... Oh, yeah. He has that whole bit. Yeah. He has a great bit about... Which is why I never want to do the punk rock voice on stage. Because he's got that... He's got it sewn up.
Starting point is 01:28:22 About the dude from Blink-182. Well, he's also got the rap. Where are you? And I'm so sorry. That is how he talks. I know. Something special happens every time. I like Blink, though.
Starting point is 01:28:37 I do, too. I fuck with Blink in a major way. Yeah, I got nothing against it. I'm feeling it. I never did. God, I regret right now. I'm feeling it. The air is so cold and numb. I'm feeling it. Let me in her it. I'm feeling it. I never did. God, I regret right now. I'm feeling it. The air is so cold and numb.
Starting point is 01:28:47 I'm feeling it. Let me in her room. I'm feeling it. I want to take off her clothes. Get the fuck out of here, Dad. We're making a stop. You too. That's got football written all over it.
Starting point is 01:29:01 I was never good enough at football to have got that far. You never got to the Papa Roach level? I got to the Papa Roach level. To pop up? Dude, we used to drive around the loop and turn up Papa Roach and just whip through these parking lots. I'm going live. In two pieces.
Starting point is 01:29:17 Oh, man. That drowning part, dude. Let the bodies of the floor. Let the bodies of the floor. Oh, God. We played that before every goddamn football game. Our school was too black, man.
Starting point is 01:29:28 We used to just play Lil Wayne. Really? You won because that song fucking sucks. I think about that song, I think about Antonio Lucero
Starting point is 01:29:36 talking to himself in the mirror in the bathroom holding a football just saying, you're a bad motherfucker. Nobody can fucking stop you. The kids do that shit.
Starting point is 01:29:44 And then that song playing, they did that shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Nobody can fucking stop you. The kids do that shit. Oh, yeah. I didn't because I was cool, but kids were doing that. I love it. I fucking love that. We played Jesuit, which is the really rich private high school that was in our league.
Starting point is 01:29:59 We just went to the upper middle class high school and we wrote eat the rich on our hands. My dad's a lawyer but i was like yeah fuck them yeah you got anything any little edge any little edge we still lost oh that's tight uh jamel it's time for your fourth pick. This fourth roster spot is an honorary one because I feel like this group just needs to get involved. I had to get away from all the Michael McDonald on my board. Yeah. I'm going with Black Cow by Steely Dan.
Starting point is 01:30:41 Fuck, Steely Dan is so good. Almost too funky to even get it. You know what's so funny? I never knew about Steely Dan, so I wrote them off because I would always hear people talk shit. I was in a bar with Zach Pugh, and he played like six Steely Dan songs in a row, and I was like, I don't know what's going on, but this music is great. I'm going to...
Starting point is 01:31:04 Yeah. Banger. Black Cow's fucking great, and it was sampled by Lord know what's going on but this music is great I'm gonna yeah Black Cow's fucking great and it was sampled by Lord Tariq and Peter Guns which is a big plus and I got another clipped out of Deja Crew
Starting point is 01:31:13 yeah I mean we can go down that but the song in and of itself is great I remember when Deja Vu came out and my dad heard
Starting point is 01:31:22 like the my dad was a bit cause he's a dad he's a big Steely Dan fan and uh heard like the beginning, you know, he was like, hey, hey, like, hey, that's Steely Dan. And it was like, no. And they were in, I think they were in Shea Stadium. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:35 Even though they were up in the Bronx. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I mean, you know, he's from Soundview. Lower Tariq was just on top of the Big Apple. Yeah. Remember when you saw the Apple in the stadium? He's from Soundview. Lord Tariq was just on top of the Big Apple. Yeah. Who would have thought Peter Guns was going to be the one to make a late in life love and hip hop career?
Starting point is 01:31:51 Yeah. I thought we were going to see. Because I always thought Peter Guns was lame. He was like, and I love sex. Yeah, and I rock and roll. That line is great. Which one had the red leather on and which one had the black leather on? Black leather was Peter, or Lord Tariq. Red leather was Peter Guns. Was black leather on? Red leather. Black leather was Peter, or Lord Tariq. Red leather was
Starting point is 01:32:05 Peter Guns. Okay, all right. Also though, Peter Guns, tons of kids, so he does love sex. He does.
Starting point is 01:32:11 And I rock a roulette. He probably doesn't anymore. And I love sex. What kind of rhymes with sex? And I fucking also just love. Steely Dan.
Starting point is 01:32:24 They're great. They are. R.I.P. to one of them just love. Steely Dan. They're great. Yeah. R.I.P. to one of them just died. One of the Steely Dads. Steely Dad. Sure. Donald Fagan didn't die. It was Walter Becker, right?
Starting point is 01:32:37 Which one is that? The band is basically Walter Becker and Donald Fagan. And I think Walter Becker died Donald Fagan. And I think Walter Becker died like a month or two ago. Yeah, September 3rd. Damn. R.I.P.
Starting point is 01:32:52 to Walter Becker. But yeah, they were great. They were such good musicians. Their songs, Ricky Don't Lose That Number, which is another one
Starting point is 01:33:00 of their songs, but that one is so good. That was on my list. Sure. Ricky don't lose that number. Yeah. Yeah, they're dope. Yeah, Steely Dan.
Starting point is 01:33:08 But Black Cow, that was definitely their funkiest one, but still definitely soft rock. It's in the wheelhouse. Yeah. They nailed it. They did nail the genre, man. Good for that. Yeah, they murdered it. What a fun genre to nail.
Starting point is 01:33:22 You're like, ah, pretty low stakes, you know? That's just chill. Keep your heart rate down. You're like, ah, pretty low stakes, you know? That's just chill. You can play it forever. You're never too old to be doing a soft rock concert. No, just go up there. People just want to see you. Just want to see you exist and play those hits that they know and love. You don't need to be.
Starting point is 01:33:35 You can sit down. I don't give a shit. Yeah. Just in the interest of time, because we are getting long in the tooth here, I'm going to move us on. What are we, fourth pick? That's about when it happens. Yeah, that's about when we have to speed up over time.
Starting point is 01:33:48 And with my fourth pick, I'm going to take a song by The Carpenters, Superstar. That's a good, I see that. Yeah, you know that one? I don't know that. It starts off, it's also covered famously by Sonic Youth. It starts off real slow. Definitely, I know that.
Starting point is 01:34:02 Don't you ever tell me you love me, baby. Yeah. Don't you ever tell me you love me, baby. Said you'd become the best. Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby. I love dudes. You know my favorite thing to do is replace you with dude. Oh, I like that.
Starting point is 01:34:23 Every song that works. Or dudes. I like that. Every song that works. Or dudes. Always. I love dudes. I really do. Always funny. Dude, you really want to hurt me. Dude, dudes really want to make me cry.
Starting point is 01:34:42 I just want to rock dudes' bodies. Basically. Dance with me yeah oh baby dudes it always fits it always ships dude say he's just a friend man that is great play that on your spare time holy shit that's a good game it's just it's a real slow burner and Karen Carpenter another rest in peace dead before I was born
Starting point is 01:35:12 what a hauntingly beautiful voice just amazing a lot of pain in that voice those are the best voices that's what Brian Adams from Chewing on All That Glass, I think, is that pain. Yeah, absolutely. Chewing on all that ass.
Starting point is 01:35:29 It's just, I mean, the song is so sad. Chewing on ass, boy! It's about her falling in love with like a, well, I mean, by leon russell and uh somebody else oh bonnie bramlett but uh it's it's like so sad it's about falling in love with like somebody like on a like it's a little bit like what a fool believes like long ago and oh so far away i fell in love with you before the second show your guitar sounded so sweet and clear but you're not really here. It's just the radio. Oh, so she hooked up with a rock musician. Yeah. And then he bailed.
Starting point is 01:36:09 Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby. Oh, he said you were coming back again. Yeah, okay. Man, that song. Right? She probably did that to someone. She probably did. I hope oh she probably did she probably did
Starting point is 01:36:25 that i hope she did i bet she did throw her around karen you weren't long for this world you're on the road you did that to somebody oh yeah well that's true that's a road thing it is uh david it's time for your fourth and then also your final picks so my fourth pick i just used to love this song as a kid so much, man. I like story songs where people are fighting. So it's The Girl is Mine by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. I just love the back and forth. It's like, no, you didn't, Michael. And then at one point, Michael Jackson just goes,
Starting point is 01:36:59 I don't believe it. My, my. It's so funny. Yo, can I tell you, me and Rob Hayes, y'all know Rob Hayes? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. We was at the Limestone Comedy Festival like 2015, and they had karaoke, and me and him did The Girl Is Mine, and we shut that shit down. I believe it.
Starting point is 01:37:22 Oh, my God. It's such a good karaoke song shit why have i never thought of that it's amazing sending roses and your silly dreams being just a waste of time the girl is mine it's such a it's such a great soft rock song michael jackson dipping his toes in soft rock yeah he went everywhere yeah he really went it was the whole 80s. There's a couple. There might be a couple that you could call soft rock. Maybe. There's another song with those two. Say, say, say is soft rock.
Starting point is 01:37:51 Wouldn't you say that? Yeah. Wouldn't you say, say, say that? There's a couple of joints on Thriller that you can play on a soft rock station. Yeah. Like Lady of My Life. I feel like when girls- That is a soft rock song.
Starting point is 01:38:04 When girls are looking at Michael... It's many things, but it's a rock album, too. Yeah. There's Eddie Van Halen on that shit. Eddie Van Halen on there. Yeah, exactly. What are we talking about? Thriller.
Starting point is 01:38:15 Oh, yeah, Thriller. The magic of... Just its ability to both blend and create new genres. He was incredible. Yeah. But anyways, that song, just a really fun good song to listen to fantastic it's fun they're fighting over ladies you don't really believe michael jackson what kind of ladies are paul mccartney and michael that's what i was gonna say i feel like a girl's
Starting point is 01:38:38 either looking at them being like who is in that venn diagram i bet you at the time it was a lot more women than you'd think yeah well paul mccartney was with linda mccartney for like whenever they shacked up until her death in the early 2000s or mid-2000s so it was all show for paul mccartney because what's what what year is that song like the 70s 80 well it's when thriller came out so 81 81 82 82 Damn. Oh, nominated for a Grammy. As it should have been. That song ruled. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:08 But that is my fourth pick. Excellent. And then I'm swinging into my final pick. And I want you to know how hard it was to pick. But I just had to do another song that I just love the vibe of. And it's Baby, I Love Your Ways by Peter Frampton. Please. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:39:24 That was good. Ooh, baby, I love your ways. Way to bring it on. Every day. Yeah. I want to be with you night and day. You know what else I loved about that song? Well, also, I just love the verses, because it doesn't sound like other Peter Frampton
Starting point is 01:39:38 songs, really. Like, that's its own shit. But I remember as a kid, you remember Bill Nye used to have the music videos at the end of every episode? No. In the sound episode, the song was Baby, I Love Your Waves. Talking about sound waves. Oh, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:57 Doing his little Weird Al version. I get it. I like it. It's tight. But yeah, Baby, I Love... It's just... What a good... Like a sunset, you're drinking some kind of like a melon-infused drink. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It yeah, baby yellow. It's just what a good, like a sunset. You're drinking some kind of like a melon infused drink.
Starting point is 01:40:07 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got cream. You're cream. Your top and your bottom are the same color. I don't care what color they are. Top, bottom, cream. Yeah, cream.
Starting point is 01:40:15 Brown sandals. It's like cream with a nice leather brown sandal. Yeah. And you just, everything smells like cocoa butter. Looking like a snickerdoodle. Yeah. Like a snickerdoodle. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:40:24 Looking like a snickerdoodle. Damn. It tastes, smelling like a snickerdoodle. Yeah. Like a snickerdoodle. Exactly. Looking like a snickerdoodle. Damn. Tastes, smelling like a snickerdoodle. Oh, man. Coming out the hand. Smells sweet. Literally a snack. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:40:31 And you're outside and it's just like. It's about silk outside. No, no, no. This is linen. It's linen degrees. It might be a vest with no shirt on. I feel like it's a little hotter. It's still a little hotter than silk degrees. Yeah. I was saying it's silk degrees. It might be a vest with no shirt on. I feel like it's still a little hotter than silk degrees.
Starting point is 01:40:46 Yeah, I was saying it's silk degrees. Yeah, but not much. Not much, but a little bit. A little bit. Beer 30 silk degrees. It's hot enough that in our beach chairs, we have to retire back to the beach house because it's too cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:57 The wind is whipping through, but the sun's going down. It's beautiful. We're not dressed for it. She sniffs the air and says, I love it here. And I say, I love you. And then, ooh, baby, I love you. And we just, we do it, but in that way that you can only see her grabbing the sheet slowly. Yes.
Starting point is 01:41:18 You know what I mean? Tasteful. Tasteful. Tasteful. PG-13, but you know we love each other. And then hard smash to penetration. Whip pan. Just a whip pan. Whip pan, lock frame.
Starting point is 01:41:37 Oh my God, that's hilarious. Just a whip pan lock frame. Hard smash to penetration. Whip it through the glass. Absolutely. But yeah, Baby I Love Your Ways. Excellent pick. Is my final pick.
Starting point is 01:41:52 Cartwheel? It's so hard to close it. I know. It was hard to open it. It's so hard to close it. Oh, God. It's like you're getting a spinal tap right. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's like you're getting a spinal tap. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:42:08 Oh, God. I am really conflicted. There's one. There's a. If I was making a My Personal Five favorite, there's a song I would put on there. But I'll just shout it out in the also rants. God, this is so hard i had no idea how deep this draft was gonna be no me either i thought i was gonna get maybe five i thought i was gonna get to draft the whole football team no oh no you're winning 11 no dude like it's
Starting point is 01:42:39 it's five hard. Okay. Okay. All right. If you guys can see his face. I know. He's holding the mic and just like almost said something three times. Yeah, like pensive. You just got to put it on the board, man. I know. I just got to say it.
Starting point is 01:42:59 All right. I'm going to go with, I mean, I got to close it out. I'm going to close it out with a real closeout song. One of the great soft rock songs of all time. Okay. You know, because I close my eyes. Only for a moment and the moment's gone. Dust in the Wind.
Starting point is 01:43:24 I don't know. Kansas. Oh, man. Aren't we all? Yeah. Dust in the wind. I don't know. Kansas. Oh, man. Aren't we all? Dust in that fucking wind. All we are is dust in the wind. If I hear that song and I'm in the right mood, I'm different for a couple hours. You're different, right?
Starting point is 01:43:37 Especially if I'm on a road trip, get out of town. If I'm driving into the sunset listening to that song, I'm like, what the fuck is going on? If you're listening to a more upbeat mix and then that comes on it's all kind of it's all
Starting point is 01:43:49 you're gonna play like some real low key songs for a while it'll make you take a look inside for sure that's a no matter what you're doing or where you're at
Starting point is 01:43:56 you hear that song you turn a corner maybe not for a long time no but that song's a corner turner there might be another corner coming up you turn that corner
Starting point is 01:44:03 yeah maybe you play Love Shack you turn right out of it. Yeah, oh yeah. For a second. The whole shack shimmy! And you're back out, man. It's as big as a whale!
Starting point is 01:44:14 Same old song Just a drop of water in an endless sea All we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see. It's true, man. Fucking cancerous. Dust in the wind.
Starting point is 01:44:36 Also, the lead singer's kind of thick. Wasn't that the video that you played for a long time? Well, we played, yeah. They did a sketch, right? I made a sketch, me and my friend Louie, who's been on the show for the Late Late Show.
Starting point is 01:44:48 I didn't even pick it for that reason, but check it out. We did a. I remember the inception of that because we're sitting in the house. Ian's like, look at how weird this video is. Yeah. And I'd never seen it before. I think I haven't seen the video. The video was fucking wild.
Starting point is 01:44:59 Everybody fucking watched that video. It's just Kansas all in a, like, cause it's like almost kind of from before music videos. Yeah. So I didn't know what to do. But like they're wearing, like they're dressed for like fucking like prom, but like community college prom is the best way I can describe how they're dressed. That sounds like right up my alley.
Starting point is 01:45:15 Yeah. Yeah. Like powder blue suit, like frilly tux. Yeah. But they all look too old for that. Uh, and so we,
Starting point is 01:45:21 yeah. So check out, go to YouTube and look up like late, late show dust in the wind i think we did a pretty funny sketch it was good yeah uh but yeah that song i fuck with it heavy it's a dank one i just we watched that video probably like 20 times in a week it was so gnarly uh jamel it's time for your final pick. Much like Borey, this is a tough decision. I'd like to apologize to a few clubs.
Starting point is 01:45:49 I know. Lifehouse. Mm-hmm. Y'all got close. Yeah. I like America. Mm. Right in there, Fleetwood Mac.
Starting point is 01:45:57 Ooh. Mm-hmm. I'm so sorry. Phil Collins. Okay. I'm super sorry. You know what I'm saying? You might not have to apologize to all these people. Oh, yeah. Sean's still got a pick. Okay. He'm super sorry. You know what I'm saying? You might not have to apologize to all these people.
Starting point is 01:46:06 Oh, yeah. Sean's still got a pick. Okay. He's still got a pick. But this one, I just want to show my range. A little newer. Soft rock. The Game of Love.
Starting point is 01:46:18 Santana. Feet, Michelle Branch. Michelle Branch. Dude, I love that song. It's all in the game of love. Yeah, that song's dope. Oh, my God. I heard it on Mushrooms once. Yeah. And love that song. It's all in the game of love. Yeah, that song's dope. Oh, my God. I heard it on Mushrooms once.
Starting point is 01:46:28 Yeah. And it really hit the spot. Is that from the 2001 album Supernatural? Yeah. Absolutely. It is. Yes, it is. Featuring Rob Thomas.
Starting point is 01:46:36 Featuring Rob Thomas. It also had cream on it. Yeah. Or smooth. Sorry, not cream. Smooth cream. Smooth cream. Smooth cream.
Starting point is 01:46:43 A lot of locks. It had Maria Maria. She reminds me of a West Side Story. Smooth cream. A lot of locks. It had Maria Maria. She reminds me of a West Side Story. Maria Maria. Santana showing his own range on Supernatural. Yeah, dude. Supernatural is such a good album. It is a good album.
Starting point is 01:46:56 I wrote, my last thing I ever wrote for the Portland Mercury, for my column, was a four-week, four-part retrospective on Supernatural by Santana. by santana and i dove back in i was like we all make fun of this is it a joke not all of it baby yeah it was so it was not all massive hit yeah there's some good there's some good stuff in there that album was so big i thought he spoke english does he not speak i don't think so what a flex if he still doesn't speak english because he owns a wine company. I would just think he doesn't talk.
Starting point is 01:47:27 That might be it. He lets the guitar do the talking. Yeah, he probably understands English, but just chooses not to talk. Good for him. He lets his fingers do the walking and his Uzis do the talking. Brett. Sean Jordan, it's time for your final pick. It sucks because I don't know the lyrics.
Starting point is 01:47:45 I just know that I love the song. Or the meaning of reverie. Huh? Or the meaning of reverie. Yeah, yeah, we knew that. I reverie the lyrics to this song. Okay. I reverie them back.
Starting point is 01:48:00 One More Night by Phil Collins. It is such a soft rock-ass pool song. And all I know is that one more night, just one more night. I won't live forever. Something like that is in there. What else do you have to know? I'm saying. There might not be any other lyrics as far as I'm concerned.
Starting point is 01:48:21 That's got pool hall written all over it to me. And I think it's the song In Color of Money when Tom Cruise is just, I think so when Fast Eddie's sitting there clocking him and he's just playing by himself. I can't remember. Anyway, I think Mary Elizabeth Pastor Antonio's In Color of Money too.
Starting point is 01:48:38 There's not a lot of other lyrics other than One More Night in this song. That's all you need. We feel it. It is a soft ass rocking song. He's sitting by the phone the whole song. One more night in this song. That's all you need. We feel it. It is a soft ass rock and song. He's sitting by the phone. The whole song. One more night. Just one more night. Check it out though.
Starting point is 01:48:52 One more night. Just one more night. That's not, just so everybody knows, that was not Phil Collins. It wasn't. It's crazy. And it is. The song was featured in the background during a scene in the 1986 film, The Color of Money. All right.
Starting point is 01:49:06 Nice. Vince, dude. Green in house. Great drafts, everybody. I dug it. Fantastic. That was fun. Just to recap.
Starting point is 01:49:15 David Bore, you went first. You took Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. Up Where We Belong by Joe Cocker. Walking in Memphis by Mark Cohn. The Girl is Mine by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. Baby, I Love Your Way by Peter Frampton. I went second. I took What a Fool Believes by the Doobie Brothers.
Starting point is 01:49:32 Mikey Mix. Africa by Toto. Faithfully by Journey. Superstar by The Carpenters. Dust in the Wind by Kansas. Bag secured. Jule, you went third. You took Sailing by Christopher
Starting point is 01:49:45 Cross. Lock it up. Higher Love by Steve Winwood. Lowdown by Boss Gags. Black Cow by Steely Dan. What the fuck? And then the Game of Love by Santana featuring Michelle Branch. Praise Jesus. I like how you sprinkled that Nunu on it. That was good.
Starting point is 01:50:02 You went all over the board with this. You really did. That was well rounded. Offense, defense board with this thing. You really did. You really – that was well-rounded. It's got – Offense, defense, and special. It's got something for everybody because sailing is like maybe the god of this genre. But then you also went deep. You took like the funky Steely Dan song, a Moscow. It's a very – yeah. Just wanted to let everybody know I'm here to win.
Starting point is 01:50:21 It's a fun team. Yeah. Sean Jordan, you went last and you took When a Man Loves a Woman by Michael Bolton, Everything I Do by Bryan Adams, Total Eclipse of the Heart by The Dan Band. Straight to work. Straight to work. Get your lunch pails.
Starting point is 01:50:33 Glory of Love by Peter Cetera. Oh, man. One More Night by Phil Collins. Oh, my God. If we made that into a CD, Time Life would sell it. Oh, hell yeah. That would be great. The Dan Band might have to come off.
Starting point is 01:50:46 They like the Dan Band. We might have to slide Bonnie Tyler back on there. We might have to escort Miss Tyler back into the premises. That's a true story. If we put the original back on, that compilation could drill its way to the center of the earth. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:51:01 Drill its way to the center of your ants. I wonder what you guys left on the board. The sound system. Dude. How can I live without you by Michael Drill its way in the center of your ants. I want to know what you guys left on the board. Sound system. Dude. How can I live without you by Michael Bolton? Cats in the Cradle. I had Sister Christian. Oh.
Starting point is 01:51:13 Motor in. How did that get left on the table? That almost goes too hard. That's what I felt like. It's like. Shit, I would have picked that up. That might just be a rock song. When it hits Motor in.
Starting point is 01:51:24 Yeah. Because the Sister Christian part is great soft rock. Sister Christian is a Motörn. Never Gonna Dance Again. What? Oh, shit. I'm surprised you didn't take that or Careless Whisper. I know.
Starting point is 01:51:34 Careless Whisper seemed a little too R&B-ish. It's got that saxophone, though. Something that was like, I don't know. Almost like Beautiful by James Blunt. Oh, Tiny Dancer on here. Oh, that'd be great. Keep on loving you, too. Mr. Jones. Yeah. Oh, Tiny Dancer on here. Oh, that'd be great. Keep on Loving You, too. Mr. Jones.
Starting point is 01:51:48 Yeah. Oh, Mr. Jones. I love that song, by the way. Mr. Jones. It's great. I don't understand why people make so much fun of the Counting Grows. That song rules. And Adam Duritz did more with less than anybody else.
Starting point is 01:52:02 And think about the first time you heard that song. You never heard a song like that. He was like, it's like when Big Sean like stutter raps or like raps off beat. Yeah. He was like off beat kind of. I love that shit. I love that song. They started something that then became hack and then people went back and didn't realize
Starting point is 01:52:18 that he was a pioneer. Yeah. Your Body's a Wonderland by John Mayer. Yeah. I want to put some Mayer on there. But I wanted to, I was like, I don't know. Respect to Santana. Santana was the right choice.
Starting point is 01:52:28 I want to know what love is. Is that REO Speedway again? One thing that's fucking crazy is that none of us took any Eagle songs. And they are... That is weird. One of these nights? I had that that peaceful easy feeling
Starting point is 01:52:45 damn dude uh yes they have some which one oh the long run we can know you baby we'll find out in the long run oh that's a good song shit there was there was a lot. There was a lot of these, dude. The highest selling vinyl ever? Yeah. Eagle's Volume 2. Yeah. Highest selling vinyl ever? Really? Damn.
Starting point is 01:53:11 Yeah, when they came back with Hellfreeze is Over, it was huge. I do remember that. There's also a four-hour documentary on them that's kind of worth it. Okay. People Bryson I had on my board. Oh, yeah. Roberta Flack. I had Aaron Neville, too.
Starting point is 01:53:26 I love Roberta Flack. The rare black soft rock artist we could have put tracy chapman in there i'm just thinking about lino off my board i took him off i was like i just hello is like it's so i don't there was a couple heard those songs too many times now drift away i, I didn't know if that would count Adobe Grey song Oh yeah! And also Seals and Croft The Summer Breeze Summer Breeze Oh that's a soft rock song That's a big time soft rock song
Starting point is 01:53:55 Sledgehammer? Is that soft? It's on the edge The song I was going to take, because it's meaningful To me and Saints 2, Carmel, is the song Lodi by Creedence Clearwater Revival. I don't know it. Well, I didn't think you guys would know it, so I didn't want to draft it.
Starting point is 01:54:12 But it's one of my favorites for sentimental reasons. Okay. Oh, Lord, I'm stuck in old Lodi again. It's good. It's almost more folk rock than soft rock. Anyway. Yeah, mission accomplished. There are our picks. Make sure you add us on Twitter with your picks.
Starting point is 01:54:28 We love seeing them. Everybody's fantastic. Keep tweeting. Keep doing all that. It's dope. I'll put up a poll for this one. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Probably. Shout out to all our listeners. Shout out to everyone on Twitter, on Instagram, on the AFE subreddit. And I think that about wraps her up.
Starting point is 01:54:44 So make sure you tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Everything I do should clackety for you. I knew you wouldn't blow it. I knew you'd come with something. that was a hit gun podcast

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