All Fantasy Everything - Soft Rock Bangers (w/ Sean Jordan, David Gborie, and Jamel Johnson)
Episode Date: November 30, 2017The days are shorter, the nights are long, let the jukebox take your quarter, and sing an easy song. We're drafting soft rock bangers, today, and the crew is joined by comedian Jamel Johnson ...to take on the task. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
The podcast that was traipsing around all day with a giant, I think, salsa stain on his t-shirt?
No.
I got called out on it by a bunch of people.
Oh no, a bunch of people is the worst. I thought there were going to be way less people at work today and it was pretty much the whole crew.
And I went in there with like a big stain on my shirt.
And I had a hoodie.
But under that hoodie was a white linen jumpsuit like Richard Branson was wearing.
I wear one constantly.
Yeah.
I am always on a somehow private and virgin at the same time flight to Necker Island.
Sure.
To just sit in a hammock.
Just to sit and exist, my man.
Richard Branson, dude.
That guy's got a life.
He's still blonde.
He's still blonde.
You know he's never shit indoors?
He's shit indoors.
No, I'm kidding.
Okay.
I like how you started to believe me.
He's taking a shit inside.
What a crazy streak, though.
After a while, I feel like you would have to you could you couldn't
break the streak if you win if you win 30 days at that point i would feel compelled to shit outside
all the time forever yeah we i don't jamelle you can talk whenever yeah i was just waiting because
i was wondering why you still had your linen out it's kind of getting a little cold it's a little
cold for the linen it's linen for me all year it's never too cold cold. You just get heavier linen. I appreciate commitment.
When you make it a lifestyle, you have to be ready for anything.
And that includes these kind of chilly 50 degree Los Angeles evenings.
Absolutely.
Which is really throwing me off.
It's a different kind of 50 degrees.
It is.
People on the East Coast think we're soft.
It's different wind, dog. It's different.
It's cutting different.
It's coastal.
When these Santa Ana winds get to blowing. Coastal elite level wind. wind, dog. It's different. It's cutting different. It's coastal. Yeah. When these Santa Ana winds get to blowing.
Coastal elite level wind.
Yes, exactly.
Coastal and lead level.
You got to have one tab open on the Huffington Post at all times.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You got to be able to recite articles you read.
It gets cold out here.
Yeah.
It's the kind of cold that whips through your flannel, gets your nips hard.
Yeah, exactly.
Who wears flannels? Flannel nipple cold. Flanels? Flanel? Sure. West Coast, land of every kind of cold that whips through your flannel Gets your nips hard Yeah exactly Flannel nipple cold West coast land of every kind of flannel
Throw on a flannel live your life
All the way from the Lumberjacks of Northern California
To the Lumberjacks of Southern California
Out of like context
Flannel is a nice name
Flannel is nice
If you were just like this is my cousin Flannel
That's not a bad name. I'd be
fucking terrified of Flanel.
You'd be scared of Flanel?
If I didn't know who it was and you were just like,
oh shit, my cousin Flanel's coming over.
You're imagining Debo.
You said it like I wouldn't be scared if you said it like that.
Belgian Debo.
His name's Flanel. For sure.
If he was Belgian Debo,
he would just have to be Belgian Debo.
Belgian Devo's bike
works perfectly.
Yeah!
The chain has never fallen off.
He's still a scary dude, but that's
the only difference. Yeah, it doesn't
squeak. He's got some expensive Danish
bike.
He's doing that thing where they refuse to put
their feet down at a stoplight, but he still looks
the exact same. Isn't that crazy?
That's the closest I've come to believing in Jedi.
I've never seen that.
Oh, dude.
Come spend a significant amount of time in Portland in the summer.
You'll see nothing but dudes just somehow sheer force of will keeping a bike balanced on two wheels with no forward motion.
Skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny tires.
It is.
Ooh, skinny tires.
Skinny tires. why would you do
that because dude you can't put your feet on the hot lava my friend yeah i don't understand it's
just completely a show off okay yeah 100 okay now i get it yeah next level up from pigs once they
stop doing pigs man no feet whatsoever no feet covered did anybody actually use pegs for their
intended purpose yeah i had a people ride on the back.
Yes. No, but they're for like
isn't it for grinding? It's for tricks
and shit. Oh, true. I thought it was for having motherfuckers
ride on the back. That's what I thought, but apparently
no. Those were three dudes going to the store. I mean, I knew kids back
in Dustin Art. Holler at your boy Dustin Art
used to do that. Oh, you
hate BMXers though. They chunk up
the ledges, man. They suck. Yeah, that's what they used to
say about me back in the day. though. They chunk up the ledges, man. They suck. Yeah, that's what they used to say about me back in the day.
I'm always chunking up ledges.
Mine was because of this whole gargoyles thing I was doing.
Gargoyles was big, and I was like, I'm going to be a gargoyle.
So I go to the skate park dressed like a gargoyle, just hang on on ledges.
Chunking up ledges.
Yep.
Just hands right in between your ankles.
Skaters were pissed at me.
How was that fat kid move?
I was keeping an eye on New York.
You just drew a little New York on the ground.
You're like, I'm watching.
Where's Lau?
Where's Lau?
Hide of me.
I hated that cartoon.
It was too serious.
Gargoyles was very serious.
Gargoyles was like-
It was like watching CSI or some shit.
It was just for adults.
It was out at the same time as that really great Batman the Animated Series.
Yeah.
But Gargoyles was like, us too.
But it was like, no, Batman, we can do it.
Batman's great.
Gargoyles was, it just, there was nothing fun about that show.
No.
Even as a kid, I'd watch it and be like, this shit is fucking, whatever.
I'm not wearing hockey pants.
I don't even understand the reference.
It's Batman.
It's Batman.
And there's three fun things to do from Batman. Not the
animated series, the Christopher Nolan
ones. There's three fun quotes.
Pray to me!
Whoa. Yeah, that's a good one.
And then, where's Lau?
Is one of them. And then the last one is,
I'm not wearing hockey pads!
They're all fun just to sit and play
past the shit, and while you're passing the shit, you say one of those.
My favorite one is Where's Lau?
Where's Lau is funny.
And I don't even need context.
I like the pray to me one.
Anyway, yeah.
Pray to me.
I'm not wearing hockey pads.
I don't like it.
I don't like it anymore.
Well, that's the Dark Knight, dude.
I thought I liked it.
It's supposed to...
I'll admit that your last i'm not wearing hockey pads
did kind of throw me off it was it came from a weird place it came from your ear infection
don't get me started at sean jordan at sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on
the gram yeah yeah at the doctor's office with swimmers here twice twice twice last time we
gotta talk to the listeners about the swimmers here maybe some of them have a homespun remedy yeah like keep you in an outhouse for a
couple days like they used to do with the pregnancy hope you like onions because that's all you're
eating for a week then you won't get it for the rest of your life it was buck i'm in there in
the doctor he goes hey you have you been uh swimming recently like he just cracked the case
wide open i go no and he's like oh, you have what they call swimmer's ear.
He thought he was just going to be on it.
Just on top of it.
He thought he was like Dr. How's in you?
Just some infection I had in my ear.
It's so gross.
So gross.
It's one of the less gross places to have an infection.
Yeah.
Could have been your nuts.
Ear and nuts is equal to me, dude.
I got a great ear, nuts, and throat guy.
This is the ENT, dude.
That's what I went to school for.
Yeah, ear, nuts, and throat.
Sean, what have you been up to since last we convened?
How was your Thanksgiving?
It was good, man.
Just chilled here.
Ended up getting obliterated with David, who was dressed like Suge Knight on Thanksgiving.
Hell yeah.
Had himself black jeans and a short sleeve red button up.
I was wearing a red shirt, is what I'll say.
It was fucking red, though.
Was it flagrant?
Yeah, that shirt was definitely like playing YG on the bus.
Oh, yeah.
But, you know, it was Turkey Day.
It was.
It was my only Thanksgiving colored shirt.
You say Suge Knight, he went dressed as cranberry sauce.
Yeah.
That's what really happened.
They call me Cranberry Knight.
Yeah.
Suge Young the Brom.
Cranberry Knight, dude.
That actually fits.
It's a little sweet.
A little better, though.
It's kind of tart.
Fantastic.
What do you got to plug coming up?
Be in Denver this weekend.
With the Cananiac?
Yeah.
And then Fort Collins on Sunday.
More importantly, you.
We'll be opening for you December 22nd in Portland, Oregon.
Revolution Hall.
Tickets going fast, by the way.
Tickets are going fast.
I love it.
It's exciting.
I'm stoked.
I'm going to run onto the stage.
I'm sticking to it.
I will run out there. Original, I was slated to do an hour, but I'm going to be so stoked. I'm just going to go out and it. It's exciting. I'm going to run onto the stage. I'm sticking to it.
I will run out there.
Original, I'll slay to do an hour,
but I'm going to be so stoked I'm just going to go out
and do 15 push-ups.
Give the people what they want.
That's my whole set.
And then we're just all
going to go get hammered.
I think people would be
more happy with that.
Yeah.
It's an old high school.
I love getting drunk there
because it's an old high school.
I'm thinking...
You feel like you get
to stick it to them a little bit.
I'm thinking about
doing an after party. Why not? Yeah. I'm thinking. You feel like you get to stick it to them a little bit. I'm thinking about doing an after party.
Why not?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
You heard it here.
There's going to be so many people.
At Zach's old apartment, no matter who lives there now.
At Zach's old apartment.
At my old apartment on 22nd and Ash Street.
And I'm just going to knock on the door and be like, oh, shit.
I found out.
Is that your hate in Ashbury?
What?
22nd and Ash.
Yeah.
You got to knock on the door and be like, where's Lou?
Where's Lou?
I found out that there's comedians living in the house I lived in.
No way.
On 15th and Clinton in Portland.
And now it's like comedians living there again.
Oh, that's kind of dink.
The spot of some of my most notorious house parties and moments just as an individual.
I like it.
So yeah,
come up to Revolution Hall.
David Borey,
the G is silent
on Twitter.
Yes, yes.
Coolguyjokes87
on Instagram.
On the gram.
On the gram.
What did you do
for Thanksgiving?
Same thing.
Dressed up like
Cranberry Knight.
Yeah,
dressed cosplayed
as Cranberry Knight.
Hell yeah.
Hit the streets,
smoking endo,
looking for freaks.
No, I went to the same party
as sean did and we went on the roof yeah and we listened to sean talk about how great of a time
he was having yeah but we were all having a great time so it was cool that sounds about right yeah
i mean you got to be thankful for what we were no we were thankful a lot of times a lot of times
it was tight but it was fun it It was really fun. Good food.
And yeah,
and then I just got drunk with Sean and then I went home.
Hell yeah.
I think I watched Empire
and smoked weed
until I fell asleep.
That sounds great.
Yeah,
it was not a bad day.
I was getting drunk
on a different part
of the West Coast.
Yes,
yes.
You were holding out the top.
Yeah.
Had to be put in a car
on Friday night.
Ian,
Ian,
you're done.
What time of night was it?
It was proper.
It was the time for it to be done.
God bless Lance Bangs had to drive me
in his weird future car.
I don't even know what car.
He does have a future car.
He has a future car.
Yeah.
And he used it to get me.
I don't even know.
It might have been.
It's some self-driving type shit.
It's something amazing.
Just got a bucket hat around it
instead of a body kit.
It's wearing a bucket hat
and it's got impeccable taste.
And it drove me back to my grip.
So shout out to Lance Banks.
Good on you, Lance.
And shout out to Nathaniel Friedman, a.k.a. Freed Arco, for also taking care of me.
But then also getting to sort of right where I was, too.
It was a fun night.
It was a fun night for gentlemen.
Yeah, we all had a good time.
Gentlemen of letters. Jamel Johnson. Oh, wait. David was a fun night for gentlemen. Yeah, we all had a good time. Gentlemen of letters.
Jamel Johnson.
Oh, wait.
David, anything to plug?
No.
I'm in LA for the rest of the year, so I just have spots around town.
Look at my Twitter.
Come see that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jamel Johnson, at Nonprofit Comic on Twitter.
What do you want on Instagram?
Broccoli House.
There it is.
Broccoli House.
Hell yeah.
How was your thanksgiving
pretty good man i was out here west coast as well got some fam and oxnard
shout out to the west coast johnsons yeah shout to the nard yeah it came through with a couple
boxes of popsicles because it was fucking 90 degrees outside it was obscene it was 92 the
day before when i left portland that shit was ridiculous did that came back doubled out had
another dinner party.
Yes.
You know, my girlfriend's homie from high school does the flyers for her on deck, had us out
at some fat ass Airbnb.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, yeah.
Yep.
That sounds good.
Dressing out.
It was pretty good.
Pretty chill.
Oh, yeah.
I love stuffing.
I love dressing.
Purple mashed potatoes at this dinner party.
Really?
Sure.
And the shits was fire.
Yeah, yeah. I don't trust it
When you say
I trust it
How purple
Fully
Fully purple dude
Cameron
Yeah
Cameron purple
Yeah purple haze
The album
Killer Cam Cam
Yeah
Also just shout out to Cameron and Mace
The beef is on
I love it
The beef is on
What's the story with that
I love it
I mean
Cameron dissed him
11 years ago
Cameron disses him All the time I feel like They're beefing again Mace came out a story with that i love it i mean you see cameron just in 11 years ago there's some new beef all the
time i feel like they're beefing again mace came out he was like he was talking he was like well
i was much much or wait who is he talking about what was it cameron where he said i was much oh
no fuck who's mace was beefing with somebody and he was like i was much much better looking than him
so oh jadakiss yeah that's true yeah there's a few people that he could have said jadakiss
is one of them.
Somebody was comparing the two of them, and Mace was like, well, I was much, much better looking than him, so I didn't have to go the gangster route like he did.
It's like, is that what we're giving pretty dudes a pass at?
I know.
Just being pretty.
Why is Mace beefing with people?
Didn't he find God?
Mace definitely said that Cameron fucked his sister.
Yeah, he did say that.
He did say that.
I could believe it, but I bet Cameron didn't know
it was his sister at the time.
I don't want to go down this road.
I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
I don't think he went into that knowing
it was his sister.
No, I don't think he even did.
I think he said that for shock value.
That being said,
the rest of the song,
Mace,
it felt like it was pent up
for so many years.
Yeah.
Like the way he rapped it
was just like,
so many words. like the way he rapped it was just like so many words just a lot
of a lot of very specific bars well for a while we thought he couldn't talk you know i mean he's
a very mush mouth guy yeah it's so much so that i didn't know he had bars till i was like 20 yeah
i because when i would sing race songs i. I never knew what he was saying.
Yeah, he was like, who's the latest example of that?
That panda guy.
All the kids?
All the kids.
Every rapper under 25?
Why am I blowing his name?
Designer.
Designer.
He's got great bars, but he's got not as bad as you think.
If you listen to Panda.
That's how I feel about Young Thug, too.
It's like, I don't know what he's saying it took me two years to catch up yeah but
then when you listen to what he's saying you're like oh this guy's pretty great yeah oh i want
to i want to there's a podcast i've been listening to uh to called dissect it's not on the head gum
network so i'm sorry about that but uh they're doing this guy's doing a song-by-song breakdown of my beautiful dark-twisted fantasy and doing almost too much dissecting, but in a way that I really enjoy listening to.
Like going over the lyrics and how they pertain to Kanye's life and everything.
So check that out.
I'm like 12 episodes deep.
I'm into that.
I'm into that.
It's called Dissect.
Hell yeah.
So yeah, that's a fun one.
There it is.
Jamel, what do you have to plug coming up?
What do I have?
I think a couple things in town.
On Deck is December 16th.
On Deck is so dope.
Oh, yeah.
Come to On Deck.
I'm going to go.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to go.
I'm on that one.
Yeah, come on.
You're on that thing.
I'm on that one?
Yeah, man.
Closing it out.
I'm going to be there.
We've been thinking about getting a hot dog lady, but I don't know if motherfuckers would
actually eat hot dogs.
You're looking at three hot dogs.
You're looking at three hot dog guys?
Yeah.
There's like 10 hot dogs down.
You're looking at eight total hot dogs.
Three dudes.
Yeah.
Eight dogs.
Eight dogs.
You have the bacon wrap hot dog lady to come through.
Explain the premise of On Deck.
I always like the idea for the show.
Oh, yeah.
This is such a great idea.
Oh, it's a baseball game as a show.
So it's two teams of comics, and they each do, like, we say it's 27, but it's more like
30 plus, a little stoppage time.
Yeah, yeah.
Because it's also soccer, too.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, they do time as a team.
Each person does one joke at a time.
We score it like it's baseball.
Everybody gets points. You co- like it's baseball. Everybody gets
points. And you co-host it with enemy of the podcast
Mike Malloy. Mike Malloy, yeah. Worst enemy.
Worst enemy of the podcast. Enemy
of just like data, fiber optics,
just general like
electronic concepts.
Enemy of getting an Uber.
That's an
analog dude in a digital world. I haven't seen
Malloy in so long.
We have to remedy that.
Maybe this weekend.
I need to see that dude.
He sold me some weed.
Sorry, mom.
There you go.
Sorry to all the moms.
Yeah, sorry all moms. And then we watched wrestling.
Now you're out of town.
He wanted to watch wrestling?
Malloy did?
No, no, he doesn't do that.
I pushed it on him.
He's kidding.
That's all he wants to do.
I got to see that kid soon.
Today, we are drafting soft rock.
Bangers.
Soft rock bangers.
Yes.
I am very excited.
I went into this not really,
not thinking like I didn't really like soft rock.
Sure.
And I came out of this realizing
maybe it's my favorite kind of music.
Nah, it's a lot of music, dog.
It's a lot of music. I love soft rock. Man, so many vibes. It's a lot of music, dog. It's a lot of music.
I love Soft Rock.
So many vibes.
There's a lot of vibes.
We're getting into the colder months now.
This is Soft Rock Central.
It can't be summer jams all summer.
Wool sweater music.
It's wool sweater music.
Christmas music and Soft Rock.
Huh?
Christmas music and Soft Rock.
Christmas and Soft Rock, man.
It's that turtleneck music.
It's that turtleneck music.
And All Eyes on Me.
Because that's also turtleneck music.
Well, yeah.
I mean, that's all you're into music. This is Crock Pot's been goingtleneck music. It's that turtleneck music. And All Eyes on Me, because that's also turtleneck music. Well, yeah, I mean, that's all you're into music.
This is crock pot's been going for 48 hours music.
I think about like crock pot full of like some kind of hot rum.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like a hot cinnamon rum.
A hot buttered rum, maybe.
I like being cozy.
Yeah, it's cozy music.
Definitely cozy.
It's like kind of warm in the crib, little cold outside.
You're cozy.
Cupping a cherry red mug full of apple cider.
Both hands.
Both hands music.
Yeah, yeah.
Both hands music.
This is tucking your toes under the blanket music.
There it is.
This is turn the heater on in your car, then going back inside for a minute.
Yeah, yeah.
This is finding a warm body to sleep next to so you don't feel alone.
Coughing season, absolutely.
Two ladies. That's oatmeal in the morning.
Nobody's warmer than a curvy boy.
So just keep that in mind for coughing season.
I'm like a heater.
Yeah.
I can't have relationships in the summertime.
I'm too hot.
It's too hot.
I know.
He's got to get a different bed.
Yeah.
He's got to sleep on a fainting couch.
Just sleep in a fucking kiddie pool in the summer months.
I'm not against that.
No, that sounds tight.
Yeah.
I'm hella in.
All right, well, we're starting to plan our next summer already.
I said this last summer was going to be my last crazy summer.
We'll see how that...
I think this is going to be a pretty good summer.
We can't get stoked for it yet, because then I'll get too stoked and then I'll appreciate winter.
Yeah, we're not even there yet.
Come on, let's...
To determine the order of the draft, we play a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Sure, sure.
Play between the three of you.
And then you throw on shoot.
And then here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Oh, David the odd man out.
He threw a paper.
It's because I threw it up.
You guys threw it down.
You threw it up in the air. I threw it up. Fuck that. Fuck that. Oh, David the odd man out. He threw a paper. It's because I threw it up. You guys threw it down. You threw a paper up in the air.
I threw it up.
That's fucking shit.
Fuck that.
Oh, you sad?
Fuck that.
Are you mad because I'm styling on you?
Come on.
Don't be like that.
One hand in the air.
Whatever.
If you don't really care.
Whatever, bruh.
It's like that sometimes ridiculous.
Bruh.
The shit sometimes can get ridiculous.
Shit sometimes can get ridiculous.
Yeah.
You heard, dude.
All right.
Here's how I'm doing this. What kind of draft of draft is it oh that's a great question david it's a serpentine draft uh what
does that mean which means the person with the fourth pick also gets the first pick like if i
were to slap david with my right hand then slapped him with my left hand you would be done talking
just serpentine your neck would look like a snake just bobbing around all over the fucking place. You're lucky you got an earache and glasses.
I don't think that's what it would look like.
I'm getting every inch of foam in this studio.
Give you the Jax treatment like on Mortal Kombat.
Did you eat all that hot sauce that Matt sent in?
Clearly he did.
You did.
You got spicy blood, man.
What blood?
We got to shout him out, by the way.
What blood?
Oh, yeah.
Hell, yeah.
One of you beautiful listeners sent us in some hot sauce, some Sioux Falls salad dressing
to be specific, at the anti-genius on Instagram.
Yeah, the anti-genius on the gram.
His name's Matt.
Hell, yeah, dude.
And it's just like Sioux Falls salad dressing is what he calls it.
It's got a picture of the falls on there.
He grew his own peppers and then he made hot sauce using those peppers.
I couldn't for the life of me be expected to do anything, any part of that. Hell, no. Nope. I couldn't raise a plant. I couldn't make the hot sauce using those peppers, I couldn't for the life of me be expected to do any part of that. Hell no.
I couldn't raise a plant. I couldn't make
the hot sauce. I couldn't get it into
the bottle without getting most of it in my eyes.
I couldn't raise a plant.
I couldn't kill the plant I raised.
If you did raise the plant, you were like,
you've got to kill this plant. All of a sudden, it would be thriving.
No. Can't do it.
Tree dying in my house right now.
The money tree. The money't do it. Yeah. Tree dying in my house right now. I just have to watch. The money tree.
The money tree's dying.
I just have to watch it die.
I just have to stand there and be like, I don't know, man.
I don't know what to do.
There's stuff you can do.
It's gone.
It's gone.
When did you start?
I'll get another one.
I got the money.
I got the money.
You're like that dude that doesn't care about His wives in Game of Thrones
I'll get another one
I'll get another
Just watching it die
Extra shots to the people
Who took a sampler platter
Picture with Sam Pee Pee himself
Oh yeah
Keep doing that
And make it like
If you think you're being
Too like creepy or whatever
Just make it like
A little creepier than that
Yeah
But always
Anytime you spot
Shane Torres at a restaurant Please please send a sampler pad
his way.
Ten years of good luck to you.
Put some water on your hand and then shake his hand.
One of his jokes.
Shane, he posted the picture himself, but he didn't tag them in it.
So whoever you are, God bless you.
God bless both of you.
Yep.
Yeah.
True.
Aaron is one of them.
Aaron from Instagram.
Aaron is lame.
Oh, Shane didn't tag him?
Crazy.
Yeah.
Shane probably accidentally tagged Malcolm X or something.
It's amazing.
He probably tagged himself.
He tagged Malcolm X and Japan, the country.
He tagged the wrong guy, Fieri, somehow.
Like, Guy Fiery.
God damn it, Shane.
God damn it.
Buy his album.
Speaking of Sam, if you buy his album, go see him at Zany's in Chicago this weekend, right? Oh, yeah. So go check, Shane. God damn it. Buy his album.
Speaking of Sammy P, buy his album.
Go see him at Zany's in Chicago this weekend, right? Oh, yeah.
So go check out Shane.
He's fucking fantastic.
Now, what is the order of the Soft Rock draft going to be?
So I'm going David.
All right.
I'm going Ian.
Yep.
I'm going Jamel.
Oh.
And then I'm going Sean.
All right.
Because that's what happens when you disrespect this house
you did going hard
I'll go harder when I win the draft
that's great I can't wait
we'll see what happens
I can't wait for you to pick three little birds by Bob Marley
now Sean was threatening
the slaps but we're going to find out
which slaps we're all picking
he did it
that's why we pay him
the big money
David Borey you have the first
pick in the soft rock bangers
all fantasy everything draft
it's so hard
where's Mel Kiper
Mel Kiper is here the ghost of
Mel Kiper is in the studio at all times
it's so hard to do
what I want to do first so I'm just like i'm going with the song that makes me feel the most first yes okay because
that's in my heart yes i'm going number one soft rock hit tears in heaven oh because come on yeah
every time you hear it yeah Yeah. Shit. I'm going to start singing.
I must be strong.
It's Ketan.
Shit.
It'll bum me out.
Yeah.
And it's a beautiful ass song.
Because I know I don't belong here in heaven.
Oh, God.
Yep.
It's.
You just want to listen to that shit like when the sun's going down in the desert.
I know.
And you're just running from some shit.
You don't know what.
You lost some shit and you're running from the rest of it.
Yeah.
Maybe you went to get that pack of cigarettes and you never came back.
Yes.
That's the song for that guy.
You're driving through the desert.
Yeah, you're moving to California to start your new life
but you miss Texas! You miss it!
You miss it! There were things about that
like there was one thing you couldn't stay for and everything
else you missed. Well, because you look back and you see the baseball glove
that you were supposed to be playing catch with your son with.
Yeah, and you light up one of those
cools you went to the store to buy.
A pack of cools now in the
bell of that catcher's mitt
rather than the baseball.
That and a half-eaten McDouble.
You know my style.
You gotta eat on the road.
You can't wait to not eat.
That's the first thing I buy after the cigarettes.
Seeds don't get you through the whole drive.
You gotta have a fucking McDouble in there.
You gotta have a double in your belly.
Yeah, that song is...
That's a low self-esteem song, which I kind of like song is... That's a low self-esteem song,
which I kind of like about it.
Is it a low self-esteem song?
Well, I mean, I don't belong here in heaven.
Well, but it's like...
Most of soft rock is low self-esteem.
Is it?
Well, I guess it is sad.
It is downbeat, right?
You're down, but you're fighting.
Yes.
You're down, but you're fighting through it
yeah okay that's what it is maybe it's the world is low maybe it's low esteem of the world
i mean that song is so fucking deep so eric lobber did write that song about his son who
son who fell out a window yeah shane yeah shane's got a joke about it for some odd reason shane has
a joke about it he brings it up appearing. Appearing now at Zany Chicago.
No, and I can't even begin to joke about that.
But yeah, that is what the song is about.
That's a bad plug.
That's on me.
I'm sorry, Shane.
But that's, yeah, that's Sobuck.
And to write such a beautiful song as tribute,
it's touching.
Yeah.
Because when I was a kid, I didn't know that.
Probably because my mom didn't tell me.
She didn't want to freak me out.
But when I was like eight or nine. What did you think the song was about? I didn't think it was about shit. I was just a kid. And I was like kid I didn't know that Probably cause my mom Didn't tell me She didn't wanna like Freak me out When I was like Eight or nine
What did you think
The song was about
I didn't think
It was about shit
I was just a kid
And I was like
This is a pretty song
When I
You know
As a little guy
I remember
You remember Delilah
Love songs with Delilah
Oh yes
Delilah said it
And I remember
That's where I learned it
Listening to that
With my mom in the car
One time
Sure
Shout out to Delilah
We should have her
On the podcast
Dude Delilah
Nationwide
I didn't know that
Yeah nationwide I didn't either I thought it was't either, I thought it was only in Washington
I thought it was only in my house
Everybody loves Delilah
People call up weeping
This song to my brother who died
Trying to pull me out of a ditch
Or whatever
The saddest stories
Just the saddest stories
Shout out to Delilah, shout out to Eric Clapton even though he's a bit of a troublesome person
himself
this song is good
carries on
his four year old son dude
damn that's intense
that's why that song is so good though
that is some fucking soft rock
you know what's crazy is people have definitely boned
to Tears in Heaven
they've had like their Eric Clapton you know because you can't time it out it happens when it happens there's some
of those other which i won't name but some other eric clapton songs which are like perfect for
you know for like people who were 38 in 1994 to have sex too
he had some other songs like that but then all of a sudden tears of heaven came on and it's like
what's the move do you interrupt your flow to go i think you just fast forward the tape
it's showing off that you got a cd player it could be holiday sex music yeah it's at late
after thanksgiving you go out you know yeah or you're getting drunk at your boy spot
thinking about how your friend died in a firework accident a lot of these
songs are like he would have wanted me to have sex a lot of these songs are like the shit i
listen to if i'm drunk alone yeah and you just want to hear it loud and feel something dude
yeah yeah you're talking to the king i'll just sit there and be like i'm gonna cry for a while
i do it all the time i almost did it last night watching the top 10 uh tv saddest moments in sitcoms because i was looking
up that will smith thing that we talked about yeah and then i just why why you want me yeah
i watched all top 10 what are the other 10 there's some from scrubs one from mash remember that shit
oh the helicopter spins in no kill that chicken and then it's a fucking baby do you remember that
no super gnarly this is going the wrong way damn yeah this is early this is why i picked you last
yeah anyway if you want to get bummed out
all right all right tears in heaven all right tears in heaven
well it was in mesh i didn't think i made it up or something. No, please. No. I'll go look up the other nine.
Nothing you say can be crazier and scarier than what Zach has said on this podcast on a regular basis.
You're all good.
God, he's a psycho.
Well, Zach came on here.
Our friend Zach Toscani.
You know Zach.
Yeah, Toscani Busters.
I know what's up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he like, we were drafting stuff to do with a billion dollars.
And his was basically drafting like a private prison for his enemies to work at restaurants that he would never visit.
Oh, Jesus.
So they would have to go through this system of preparing food every day.
Yeah, on a comedy podcast.
Right, exactly.
At a Chick-fil-A, he said.
He'd hire all of his enemies to work at a fucking Chick-fil-A that never got visited.
And then we did strangers who don't have sex with.
And he picked that crazy girl who framed her husband for murder from Gone Girl.
I'm worried about-
And he's at home right now.
I'm worried about our guy.
He's alone in our house with all this stuff.
He's by himself.
No matter what time you're listening to this, he's at home.
He's alone, yeah.
He's holding two kettlebells.
Yeah, dude.
He's just screaming.
I'm saying-
Staring at a picture of someone who wronged him.
I swear, that's how he goes to sleep, is duct tapes a pillow around his mouth and just screams Allie while he's just screaming staring at a picture of someone who wronged him duct tape I swear that's how he goes to sleep is duct tapes a pillow
around his mouth
and just screams Allie
while he's dead lifting
shout out to Zach
we love you
what up Zach
it's time for my first pick
oh shit
and with my
I consider
I consider you guys
my brothers
I would
just in life
and comedy
you know
yep
but you're not
my doobie brothers
even if we do smoke doobies together every now
and then even if we do uh there's only one group of doobie brothers and it's the doobie brothers
yeah and they only have one song that i'm interested in taking which is what a fool
believes there you go yeah and is that that i know that's yacht rock but i think that's also definitely counts
you can mostly be soft on a yacht yeah that's sweater weather you know when you're on a yacht
it's always sweater but so yeah what a fool believes by the doobie brothers sung masterfully
by michael mcdonald michael mcdonald i feel it's gonna be all over this draft yeah it better be
yeah yeah he's m's MVP of the league
that'll never exist.
Oh, yeah.
Of the soft rock league.
I keep thinking up picks
and writing them down
on this piece of paper
and wondering like,
what would somebody think
if they just found
this piece of paper
sitting in my room?
They would think you were
probably 41
going through a divorce.
This guy's 46,
just got like a kind
of a nice new car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just got a Saab.
But like a cherry Saab.
There's only one gas station in Charlottesville, but I got to go there.
Yeah.
That's the one that can fuel a Saab.
What a Fool Believes is kind of like, it's one of those, it's also kind of a mushy mouth song.
Give me a little taste.
The, uh, well, I mean, God.
You came from somewhere back in the long ago.
I mean, God.
You came from somewhere back a long ago.
The sentimental fool don't see.
Trying hard to recreate, but they're yet to be created.
Now, for everybody listening, just real quick.
That's not Michael McDonald.
Musters a smile.
He didn't show up here.
That's me. For years, don't touch their tail.
Still in.
Where have you been with this all these years?
I've been doing what I wanted to say, only to realize.
Is he going to hit the high note?
Are you going to hit the high note?
Get it.
Call it.
It never really was.
Oh, he brought it down.
She had a place in his life.
That little kid piano in the background.
Never made her think twice.
Holy crap, dude.
As he rises to her apology, anybody else would surely know.
He's watching her go.
What a fool believes.
He sees. go. What a fool believes. He
sees.
The wise man has
the power.
There you go.
It's a sad song
a little bit, man.
I think it's like the song when you're
playing in the doctor's office, but you're
stoked when it's playing.
Your blood pressure goes down. it's about a dude it's a song about
a dude who thought he had something real meaningful with a girl and he goes that you know and he sees
her uh-huh and he's like oh shit hey it's us you know remember what we had and just like
she's like nah what no that wasn't that didn't mean anything tales of time it didn't
mean anything it was oldest time you know yes yeah yeah i did it for you i'll run into her
one of these days no that meant nothing to me that was a stop on the block and it was the block you
lived on uh so yeah and it's just it's just got i mean it's got a little bit of like uh it's definitely
soft but it's got a little it's got a little drive to it you have such a good michael mcdonald on
you thank you never knew that i don't really yeah i mean yeah you do but that's neither here nor
there i'm gonna listen to this and i'll hear you i'll hear me and then i'll hear one of my best
friends lying to me immediately like it's not gonna hurt enough for me to hear my terrible
michael mcdonald it's not i gotta hear a man i love lying to me immediately after. Like, it's not going to hurt enough for me to hear my terrible Michael McDonald.
It's not terrible. Then I got to hear a man I love lying
to me afterwards. Not true.
That's why I picked him last.
Out of your disrespect.
Stop bringing up how you picked me last.
The after party, I'm thinking about getting
the biggest karaoke box possible.
Oh, like a huge booth?
Yeah. That'd be...
For like three hours? Yeah. I mean, I don't do karaoke a lot in this situation. That'd be, yeah. For like three hours?
Yeah.
I mean, I don't do karaoke a lot, and it's a sad situation.
I would.
I'm saying.
Yeah.
The last time I did it was at the Comedy Festival, where we all had it locked down.
Oh, yeah.
And it was tight.
That was super fun.
Yeah.
I might try this song in a box environment.
Maybe not in the wild.
Start the box, and then build your way out.
That's 100%.
Anyway, dude, me and the Doobies are rolling with What a Fool Beliefs.
Great first pick.
Jamel, what is your first pick going to be?
First pick in a 2017 soft rock draft is going to be one that, yeah, maybe it's made me cry a few times.
Good.
Good.
It's Sailing by Mr. Christopher Cross.
Chris Cross. There you go. Chris Cross. Make it jump. Damn. Good. Sailing by Mr. Christopher Cross. Chris Cross.
Dega.
Yes.
Chris Cross. Make it jump.
Damn.
You know what I'm saying?
Damn.
You going to give me a taste?
Clean.
I mean, I don't know, man.
I don't know if that's necessary.
I don't know if that's necessary.
Just for the listener.
I mean, they'll hear it because Marissa will put it in.
Shout out to super producer Marissa
Queen of Queens
But it's the one
Sailing
He's warmed up
That song is maybe
The archetypal soft rock song
It's hard to find something
That is softer but still rocks
Two yacht joints
Back to back.
It is two yacht joints back to back.
I had to get it quick because that was not going to be on the board
if it came back through me.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Because I wanted to yacht up twice like Paul Allen.
Exactly.
Two yachts.
I don't know what is yachting and what is softening.
They're both.
It's squares and rectangles.
Yacht's a subgenre.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yacht's a subgenre. Yeah, exactly.
Yacht's a subgenre of soft rock.
Okay.
It's peppier, maybe, it seems like.
It's a little more you move to it.
There was more cocaine and money in it.
Yeah.
And not cocaine and trouble.
Just a skosh.
Hard rock is cocaine and trouble.
Yeah.
Just moving a little bit.
Yacht rock is like cocaine money in the open seas.
My favorite thing about Sailing, NSYNC covered it on their first album.
Did they really?
Yes.
NSYNC's first album self-titled NSYNC?
Yes.
They did Sailing.
And one of their first live performances was them doing it with Christopher Cross at the Blockbuster Video Awards.
God damn it, Jamel.
The Blockbuster Awards.
They won Best New Artist.
How do you know that?
I watched the shit the other day.
Prior to this.
My girl put me on.
Brian McKnight introduced these fools in pajamas.
Silk pajamas.
They were wearing pajamas?
Nah, they had on like some leather.
They had on like Averax jackets.
Whoa.
Brian McKnight was wearing silk pajamas?
He was wearing a silk like monotone.
Anything could have happened in the 90s.
Anything could have.
Seriously.
Don't hold fire.
Brian McKnight wore a silk two-piece pajama set.
Yes.
Man.
Introducing NSYNC to the world.
Doing a Christopher Cross song with Christopher Cross.
And they're suspended from wires and shit.
Whoa.
So when they hit the ceiling, when they hit the note, they fly off.
Christopher Cross is still sitting there like a fucking dickhead on stage.
Fucking dickhead.
They really tried to make it look like he didn't write the song.
Damn.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, this is us.
That's our guitar player.
Or piano, probably.
Man.
That's crazy.
I'm looking that up tonight.
Yeah, you need that.
I know they had that limitless Blockbuster money back then.
Blockbuster just thought it was going to last forever.
So, I mean, who didn't think it was going to last forever?
That's why I'm worried about Netflix. Yeah. They had a fucking award show crazy to think about that yeah well you told me
15 years ago blockbuster wasn't gonna be around to be like you're do you think you're out of your
goddamn mind do you think justin timberlake still has his blockbuster award god he seems like he's
dope enough to maybe still or he smokes weed out of it oh yeah turn it into a bong i mean it might
not be in the most serious room in the crib,
but it might still be.
How many Emmys would you have to win
before you turned one into a bong?
Four.
Yeah, four is the right number.
Because three is your number.
Three Grammys, though, because they're set up better.
Yeah.
Oh, they're ready to go.
Yeah, well, how do you smoke weed out of an Emmy?
I mean, you've had one in your hand.
I don't know, you have to drill.
I mean, I've had one in my hand.
I've had one stuck into the side of my head.
I think you would have to just do some drilling. Yeah then like put a bowl on it yeah you wouldn't be a great ball no grammy would make a way better a
nobel peace prize would make the bit no not really the stanley cup what the stanley cup yeah oh yeah
that's a gravity ball yeah yeah six of them bitches at the bottom yeah
stanley cup would fuck you up Stanley Cup would fuck you up.
Man, it would fuck you up.
That would be bad.
Everybody gets it for a day, right?
Yeah, everybody gets it for a day.
How fucked up is it if you gravity bong it?
There's been, I guarantee you that's not even one of the 10 most fucked up things that's happened.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't even want it.
It's hockey.
Somebody doodled in it.
Yeah, somebody doodled in it.
Somebody for sure came in it.
For sure. Oh, definitely. A thousand percent. I've heard people watch their kids in it. Yeah, somebody doo-dooed in it. Somebody for sure came in it. For sure.
Oh, definitely.
A thousand percent.
I've heard people watch their kids in it.
Yeah, they bathe their children.
What else?
Their filthy Canadian children.
I would just get...
Marissa's fucking sharpening a machete.
Could you imagine at a barbecue and I'm just like...
Regular barbecue, everything's happening, but then I'm just sipping out of the Stanley Cup.
Stanley Cup.
Oh, yeah.
Roger, yeah. so you put the
you put the deck
in your backyard
huh
what have I been up to
nothing really
hell of a deck
you stain that thing
yourself Roger
you son of a bitch
Sailing by Christopher Cross
it's an excellent song
it's a song that has
the word reverie in it
yeah
there's not enough
of those in our lives
just in general
every word of the mystery do you know what reverie means don. Yeah. There's not enough of those in our lives. Never used in my life.
Every word is a mystery. Do you know what reverie means?
Don't put me on blast like that.
No, I don't like the reverie of this prison cell.
Give me back my fucking reverie.
That could technically work.
That's my wife reverie.
Reverie.
What are you at the movies with her for?
When you go to an Italian restaurant,
am I either going to get the lasagna or the reverie?
Hi, do you want some
Parmesan cheese?
No, I'll have a Scotia reverie, though,
if you have any in the back.
Do you have any reverie?
Reverie is what that guy
who lives in the apartment
next door to our house
does to his engine
every morning.
No, no, no, no, no.
What?
Wake me up?
Reverie wakes me up?
Reverie his engine?
God.
That, yeah.
That fucking dude.
One last thing about sailing sampled by puff daddy featuring
mario winans for a song called best friend okay i don't even know that song no i'm not big into
the winans though me neither bb cc mario i see you got to show some love to bp and cc actually
i got nothing for any of the winans i just have it it in my life. Wait. I only like BB and CC, I'm okay.
Mario, I only liked the one song because Gucci Mane was like,
girls are like buses.
This one, next 15, one coming.
Remember that?
No.
And then he yells, purr.
I absolutely remember that.
Oh, wait.
Is that the?
That's Mario.
That love in you, love in you.
How would you want to break up?
A frat used to make me listen to that.
Oh, yeah.
Anyway.
First pick.
It's time for...
Sorry, I got distracted by something on my phone real quick
and fully logged off.
David, it's time for your first pick
oh sean sean went last my i am a fool because well because he david went ahead and did i'll
tell you what a fool believes is that it was david's turn it's not a sean's sean it's time
for your first and your second pick gonna bring it a little more contemporary um i'm gonna make
it i'm gonna make like michael and bolt on here. I mean, for my money. God damn it.
For my money.
I knew he was going to do it.
I mean, I celebrate the guy's entire catalog, but for my money, I don't think it gets any
better than when a man loves a woman.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's what you picked.
Really?
That's what I picked.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, a little easy.
I, yeah.
It's fantastic. Yeah, no, I, yeah. It's fantastic.
That's a great song.
He made it into a soft rock song.
When Percy Sledge did it, it wasn't really a soft rock song.
I'm saying, Percy Sledge has the better version of that song.
Yeah, of course.
But I wouldn't call that a soft rock song.
The silence in the room would.
Yeah.
I think that that's not a soft rock song.
I think Michael Bolton's is a soft rock song.
I agree.
I agree with you. Yeah, he puts a little more soft rock song. I think Michael Bolton's is a soft rock song. I agree. I agree with you.
Yeah, he puts a little more soft rock on it.
He definitely does.
It's the softer version for sure.
It's the only thing he can put on.
He's Arby's. He's got two sauces.
Soft rock and softer rock.
The softer rock
is made out of softer rock.
It's just sort of
they put less water in it.
It is a great,
it is a great song.
It's a great song.
I thought it was going to be a different Bolton,
a different Bolton banger off the board.
Yeah,
I might pick that later.
Oh,
fuck yeah.
If one of you doesn't pick it.
You might pick,
what if you go Bolton back to back?
Oh,
back to back Bolton?
I doubt I will.
People would either vote for you first or last.
That would be the only.
Yeah,
that'd either be,
that'd either be a real bummer or like real dank.
Walking through what you love about What a Man Loves a Woman a woman it's just an it's just a great soft rock
song it's always like it's just what i think of when i think of soft rock yeah and it gets me like
if i'm in that mood when i get i'm a little drunk and i put that on and i start thinking about those
days those days that are lost you know yeah yeah it's an accurate song i mean when a man loves a
woman and i can't keep his mind on nothing else.
I have turned my back on my best friend.
Shouldn't have, but I have.
Your best friend turned his back on you, my friend.
It's happened a couple times.
Yeah.
And it's happened multiple, multiple times in different-
Facts have been turned.
Different rivers, you know.
But yeah, it's just a dank song.
Nobody asked me for a taste.
I mean, you're going to do whatever you want.
I would love a taste.
I just ate some poke.
When a man loves a woman.
Can't keep his mind on nothing else.
Sure.
That doesn't sound like Michael Bolton.
Just want to let the listeners know that was Sean Jordan.
That wasn't a dude with an ear infection.
That was not.
Oh, wait.
It was a guy with an ear infection. That was a man with an ear infection. That was not. Oh, wait. It was a guy with an ear infection. That was a man with an ear infection.
That was not Michael Bolton.
I'm a big fan of Michael Bolton's second life as a featured singer.
A funny guy?
A funny guy, yeah.
Yeah, I like him funny.
This is a song of Captain Jack Sparrow.
Yeah, I love that song.
That song goes, man.
Yeah, it does really well.
And he's just a good singer.
The jester of Tortuga.
That song is funny. And wasn't he in that movie that the long island did or something like that or they did something
they did a netflix special last year yeah or was it valentine's day yeah that was funny too
michael walton seems chill i bet he's fun yeah i bet he drinks bud lights or like michelobes but
a bunch of them a lot of michelobes And he had sex with so many beautiful blonde women with big curly blonde hair.
Like feathered?
And shoulder pads.
Oh.
He ran the shoulder pad era.
He ran the shoulder pad era.
You couldn't do better than Michael Bolton in the shoulder pad era.
And those weird suits that look like suit suits, kind of?
Yeah.
Like those, just, what are you doing?
Because Kenny G was weird looking.
Nobody, Kenny G's not sexy. He's not sexy at all. His music is sexy. Kenny G is not. kind of yeah like those just what are you doing because kenny g was weird looking nobody kenny
g's not sexy he's not sexy at all his music is sexy kenny g is not kenny g looks like that i'm
pretty sure that dude from color me bad that like the yeah he looks like the dude from color me bad
yeah the one who's not supposed to be hanging out right like what are you doing here like oh
how come howie's here color me confused as to why you're here. He always got like the bright yellow suit.
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah, we would all look good if you weren't here.
Kenny G, that guy from Color Me Bad, that one guitar, Kirk Hammett, is that the guy
in Metallica?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That guy's one of those guys, too.
He's got the curly long hair.
Weird curlies.
Weird curls.
The weird curly, yeah, the weird curl crew.
Curly hair, long curly hair as a grown man, it's tough.
It's tough.
Long hair in general as a grown man is tough. I mean's tough long hair in general is a grown i mean
who pulled it off really easy yeah but easy he had that like that shorter he was tiny and that helped
i feel like if you're tiny that's a great point we're huge yeah i don't know why the science
behind that works but yeah easy my Perfect. Those are the two people. My mind went straight to Anderson
Varajow.
Awful curl.
He's like 6'10".
But he's also tall as shit.
It's all a part of it. Joe Kim Noah
looks pretty good with it.
He looks better than Varajow.
It's tough.
It's tough to pull off, man.
Robin Lopez does not look good with it. He does it, but he doesn't. He doesn't need to look good. I don't think that's tough. It's tough to pull off, man. Robin Lopez does not look good with it.
He does it, but he doesn't.
He doesn't need to look good.
I don't think that's his.
I think Robin Lopez is all about trying to get less bucks.
Imagine hearing that from a guidance counselor.
Well, you don't need to look good.
You don't need to look good, bud.
Because you are huge.
You're making $14 million for the Chicago Bills right now.
Bulls.
Chicago Bills.
They're the Bills.
They're the Bills.
Fuck them. Yeah, because 0 forills. They're the Bills. They're the Bills. Fuck them.
Yeah, because
0 for 4 over and over
and over again.
Yeah, yeah.
When a man loves a woman,
Michael Bolton.
Yeah, anyway,
Michael Bolton was like
getting, he was the king
of getting butt back then.
Yeah, yeah.
I really feel like he probably,
his advanced stats
were better than
anybody else's advanced stats.
Oh, I bet you
there was crazy, yeah.
His player efficiency rating.
Yeah.
PPRs and such. Yeah, all that.
Sean Jordan, time for your second pick
as it is a serpentine. Second pick.
Everything I do, I do it
for you. Ryan Adams.
Oh, wow.
You try to get real.
Oh, I do it
for you.
Such a heart.
Looking to you. Ryan, heart. Looking to you.
Ryan, take a drink of water.
I'm just going to say, Sean is blowing it right now.
I have an ear infection, David.
I have swimmer's ear.
It doesn't mean you're dead.
You do to me such a heart.
There it is.
That's what I was looking for.
Such a soul.
And if you find me there, you. There it is. That's what I was looking for. Damn.
It's hurt?
No more?
It's hurt.
Yeah.
Flex. Flex. I can't help it There's nothing I want more Flex, flex
No, it's true
We're staring at each other
Motherfucker
Everything I do
Piece of shit
I do it for you
It's a good-ass song.
Meanwhile, Kevin Costner is fucking shooting bows and arrows at people.
Was that a Dances with Wolves song?
It was Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.
Oh.
Yeah.
Christian Slater, the free man's up in there.
Oh, yeah.
Free man.
Who was that?
Morgan Freeman?
Yeah.
Who was that girl?
It wasn't like Mary Elizabeth, Master Antonio or something.
One of those girls with one of those crazy 80s names.
Mary Elizabeth, Master Antonio is a great one.
Are you asking who was in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, though?
I'm just wondering.
Oh, maybe it was Madeline Stowe,
which isn't that crazy of an 80s name.
Anyway, that's just a good song.
That was one of the first songs, as a kid,
I remember being like, I fucking, I dig this,
whatever this is.
That song is fucking great.
I wanted to keep singing the whole thing just to hear it.
You know what I mean?
And that's my favorite Robin Hood.
Dude, it was Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.
Yeah.
What a weird name, right?
Yeah.
I don't feel like you get away with that anymore.
With Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio?
I guess he's the person with Shailene Woodley.
That's not that crazy of a name.
Benedict Cumberbatch.
Benedict Cumberbatch.
Tom Hiddleston.
I feel like somebody would chop up that name a little bit when you're on the come up.
Mary Oneo.
Yeah, you got to cut some of that out.
Or no, actually, fuck that.
What's your flag fly?
You got seven names?
Go by those seven names.
Elizabeth Master Antonio.
I mean, she didn't have like a great career.
Well, she was in The Abyss.
She was on Scarface.
Never mind.
Better than my career?
That was her in Scarface, wasn't it?
She played his sister?
Never mind.
She's out there.
Did she really? She did, didn't she? Uh- his sister? Never mind. She's out there. Did she really?
She did, didn't she?
So she had that Anderson Varejow hair too.
It was either Mr. Perfect Easy or Merely is with Pastor Antonio.
Yeah, Gina Montana.
That was Scarface's sister.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Just a good ass song.
That's a great pick.
I think it's a great pick. It is. Such a heart. Such a soul. Wow. Just a good-ass song. That's a great pick. I think it's a great pick.
It is.
Such a heart, such a soul.
Yeah.
And Brian Adams just had one of those voices where he's like,
you shouldn't be famous with that voice, but you are.
Oh, come on.
He made it work.
It's a specific.
Trust me.
I'm not hating on Brian Adams.
Michael Bolton don't have dissimilar voices.
No.
I think Michael Bolton can wail.
I don't think Brian Adams can wail in his own right,
but he doesn't really hit notes. I think Brian Adams is being wail. I don't think Brian Adams can wail in his own right, but he doesn't really hit
notes. I think Brian Adams is
being slept on right now in this room.
Come on, think about the Brian Adams
songs, though. Really? Summer of 69.
Yeah. Please forgive
me. But see, it's the same. That's soft
rock. I shouldn't have sang it.
Revealing his board.
Revealing your board.
Ian just reading his iPod
because he's still got an iPod
I wish I still had an iPod
I'm just saying I think
he's got some bangers
maybe his vocal range
there's another one
I don't want to say it
quick little Brian Adams story
we were doing a
Ian normally says that when we're not on the podcast not said on podcasts enough little Brian Adams story. We were doing a...
Ian normally says that
when we're not on the podcast.
Yeah.
Not said on podcasts enough.
We were driving to Oxnard
the other day, actually,
and Ian just goes,
you know,
quick little Brian Adams story.
Quick little Brian Adams story.
He pulled over to tell me.
I turned the car off.
It was weird.
That got Marissa.
We were doing a...
We were trying...
It never happened,
but for the
the 20th or 30th or whatever anniversary of back to the future we were trying to do a special
carpool karaoke on the late late show yeah uh in in the in the delorean in the delorean we had the
delorean on set this is how close it got to happening and uh we had like all these 80s
one hit wonder artists who had agreed to come do it.
Yeah.
And record songs, including Brian Adams, whose publicist had apparently told him he was going to do a solo carpool karaoke.
Uh oh.
And when he realized he was there to just do one song, he bailed.
Right.
And he was just like, I'm not doing it.
And then for a minute, I was like, who the fuck does Brian Adams think he is?
What songs does he even have?
And I went to his photography and I was like, okay yeah no i get it i would have walked out too
good for you brian adams but no one can sign you to the dustbin of history he's got fucking he's
got some bangers so that's yeah there's the quick little brian adams anecdote i respect his his g for
that yeah i will i'm not gonna to lie Ryan Adams is not on my radar
Just personally
What about Jack and Diane?
That's not him
That's Johnny Cougs
That's the name
Who's Ryan Adams?
Ryan Adams is that dude
He's that Canadian dude
That kicked someone out of a show
Some dude was at one of his Canadian dude that kicked someone out of a show for saying
some dude was at one of his shows
screaming, sing Summer of 69.
Yeah, that's what I would do. He's like, hey,
knock it off. Let it ride
like five or six times a year. You need to get out of here.
Because he's like, Ryan Adams is like real soft.
Wait, right? He's a real soft dude.
He's a folk rock.
Folk rock kind of of the Strokes era
in New York in the early 2000s.
Is it Ryan Adams that's from Canada?
Yeah, he's Canadian.
Brian Adams is Canadian.
Okay.
They're all Canadians.
Ryan Adams did a cover of Taylor Swift's 1989 album.
He did.
Yeah, and it was fucking dank.
Yeah.
That's probably also not on your radar.
If Brian Adams isn't on there, that might not be on there either, Jamal.
No, I didn't know.
I've never heard of that.
Trying to find out what is on Jamal's radar with his second pick.
Oh, I'm up now?
Yeah. 17, Playboy. Isn't it Ian? No, I didn't know. I've never heard of that. Trying to find out what is on Jamel's radar with his second pick. Oh, I'm up now?
Yeah.
Serving team, Playboy.
Isn't it Ian?
No, no.
You picked this madness.
Go ahead and hold it yourself.
Oh, yeah, it is.
Yeah, it is Jamel.
Okay, okay, okay.
Noi.
Noi, noi, noi, noi, noi.
Not noi.
Noi, noi.
Noi ever.
Not noi, not ever.
Never.
Not never, ever. One second to check my board.
Cool.
I'll keep doing Australian accents.
Everything I do, I do it for you.
Makes mouth's water.
Makes mouth's water.
Remember that commercial?
Win.
Never.
Robin of Locksley.
Australian toaster biscuits.
Ho, ho, ho.
Completely different shit.
Mr. Potter.
I'm ready. I'm I'm ready I'm locked in
second pick
a little new to my life but
not a day
goes by
now that I don't play it
Higher Love
Steve Winwood
that one was on my fucking list
Mine too
That was not yacht shit
He is amazing
One of the best male vocalists of all time
I've said that so many fucking times
I love Steve Winwood
I didn't even know you felt that way
He's the lead singer for Spencer Davis group
Steve Winwood and Traffic
He was also the singer for Traffic
But yeah he's fantastic.
I had no idea you felt this way.
Higher Love is a great song, bro.
It's like you just want to sing it a cappella and clap.
Yep.
You know what I mean?
Bring me a higher love.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Bring me a higher love.
Whoa.
Bring me.
Yeah.
There you go. There you go That's like
That's that car commercial jam
Yeah
You know what I mean
It is yeah
That's like you want to hear that
On a car commercial
Yeah
I've been working on a dance routine
Price the move
You got moves
I mean I've been trying to put together
A little simple
Something that like
Like a
60 and over dance team
Could do
Yeah yeah
But like
If you hit that
Like kind of a box
Get the groceries
Yeah Yeah but they're Scooping it up But they're like You know They're kind of bopping a little bit an over dance team could be. Yeah, yeah. But like, if you hit that, get the groceries.
Yeah, but they're scooping it up,
but they're like,
you know,
they're kind of bopping a little bit.
If you hit that at a wedding,
I would lose my mind.
That's all I can do. If you hit that at a wedding
and Higher Love comes on,
and then you just gotta dance
to Higher Love.
I did just buy,
I just bought two bottles
of Grey Goose,
so I might be ready.
Pro tip for y'all,
Ralph's has a really good Grey Goose coupon right now.
Oh, that is really.
We could always use a little more vodka now.
It's 20 bucks.
It's Grey Goose bottles, 20 a piece,
seven bucks off if you buy two.
Wow, that is a great deal.
I'm on a good heroin this weekend.
We should get those bottles of Grey Goose.
I'll be there.
As long as you got the Ralph's card, you're in there.
I got a Ralph's card. I'll be in Denver, but you guys should.
Oh shit, you'll be in Denver.
It's the future coupons.
You gotta log in on them shits.
I'll make moves.
The goose is loose.
Higher Love, man.
It's such a good song.
I'm pretty upset.
I had no idea that Steve Winwood was in the Spencer Davis group.
Yeah, that song is fucking so good.
That doesn't...
If I was at a bar and Higher Love came on,
I'd be like...
I wouldn't be standing on the table,
but you know how bar stools,
they have like the two ledges and then the stool?
Yeah.
I'd be up on that second ledge.
You'd be double...
Second ledge in it?
I'd be second ledge in it
trying to make eye contact with strangers.
Yeah.
Just leaning into the bar, you can see the well drinks and you're just looking over.
Give me a high love.
And the lady be cool with it because it's the roost.
You pull up a bottle and use it.
We got a long leash there.
We do what we want.
Use the bottle for a microphone.
She's like, just don't drink out of it.
Just don't drink out of it.
You can use that bottle for a mic.
I won't.
All day.
I won't.
You can trust me.
And then you take a shot, be smiling at her.
Yeah.
And then she lets it ride.
And then it's flip.
Just a little.
Take care of it.
High love.
Excellent song.
I wish I had a little Steve Winwood story.
I don't.
One of the best male vocalists.
I love how flagrantly you throw that out.
I'll say it all day.
It was crazy how hard you joked.
I didn't know you wrote that hard for Steve Winwood.
Steve Winwood is up my alley.
Like, they made him for my ears.
You've got to be one of the biggest
under 40 Steve Winwood fans
in Southern California.
100%.
That's a guarantee.
Like, you're probably one of the top,
and I'm just like,
with full confidence,
I guarantee you're one of the top
250 Steve Winwood fans
under 40 in Southern California.
Great.
I definitely think.
Right?
You were so hard on it.
Yeah.
You came out quick.
I mean, that can't be how
many how many steve winwood fans under 40 do you think like fans yeah i guess i would count as a
fan are in southern california 20 20 nah dude you're forgetting about 11 million people in la
you have totally forgot about the inland empire my dude and i feel like are you kidding you were
like i feel like san diego also rides hard for the Wayne Wood.
If you were feeling like-
A whole lot of gangster.
If I asked you, so this pick aside, if I was like, Sean, give me your 25 best male vocalist,
I'll give you a day to think about it.
Steve Winwood's on there.
And he's on there?
Yeah.
Yeah, see?
Top five?
No.
Dead or Alive?
Top five, Dead or Alive.
Top 20?
God, I don't know.
Yeah, top 15. Top 15 15 top 15 so the amount of
people it's just because i like his voice and it's i get it i'm not attacking you whatsoever
this guy's awesome but it's just interesting to think who under 40 in southern california with
steve winwood in their top 15 male vocalists all-time dead or alive it's not a lot of people
it's not a lot of people a few hundred people it's probably a few hundred i'm gonna say somewhere in the in the in the fours of hundreds
i think that's people yeah fours is fair and he's not even on your list we don't know yet all right
damn it i might have poached i might have poached something right there uh all right Now, with my second pick. Oh, God.
I didn't think I was going to get to that noise this early.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
So it's Soft Rock.
This isn't my favorite song by this band, but I would argue that their best song by this band isn't Soft Rock.
But this song is Soft Rock.
We've debated it before okay so i'm taking
africa by toto sure okay yeah yeah right obviously the best song on my board hold the line the line
don't think it's soft rock it's a little harder it's a little harder that's that's like uh hold
the wine is whiskey music hold the line is whiskey music but they might they might play it on a soft
rock station they might but it's out of pocket that like, it's like the edge of what the,
you know what I'm saying?
Like for sure.
I think Africa is,
it's right in there.
It even sounds,
it's,
it starts off very soft.
Right.
With those old,
uh,
hand float,
hand flutes or whatever.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
What they think like a safari would sound like or something.
Probably.
Yeah. Yeah. It's been, it probably had never been to Africa. I would imagine that. They have never been to Africa. What they think a safari would sound like or something. Probably, yeah.
They probably had never been to Africa.
I would imagine that the guys from Kodo. They had never been to Africa.
When they wrote that song, they had never been to Africa.
It was very.
Dog, that's not even what Africa sounds like.
I've been there.
It doesn't sound like that.
No, it does.
You could not look at that landscape and write that song.
That song is Western Indiana.
It's super Western.
Yeah.
I think, I'll look it up in a second, but if I'm not mistaken, I think the lead singer
of Toto is John Williams, the composer, his son.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
And for some, when this song came out in 1982, Africa was very big.
Africa was cool for white dudes in the 80s, I feel like.
Africa was very big.
Africa was cool for white dudes in the 80s.
Africa and Australia where it was like...
We had Crocodile Dundee and all that stuff.
In Africa, people were very into
saying they were like...
I'm interested in Africa.
I think that's because it was
before AIDS.
Yeah.
What, do you think that's funny?
No, I'll tell you what I was listening to my YouTube,
my YouTube channel at work today.
Every,
after every single song was an HIV medication commercial.
Damn.
Like the shit that I'm listening to.
What porn are you watching and stuff?
Why,
why does it fall in line?
I just don't know.
It's the,
it's the stuff I'm listening to at work.
What are you listening to at work?
Like a lot of Cottonmouth Kings.
Yeah, yeah, okay, yes.
He's about to flip out of his chair.
Without headphones in.
A lot of Cottonmouth Kings, you asshole.
That's so funny.
I just pull my headphones out.
We're the Bonk Token Alcoholics.
Yeah.
And then I go back to work, and I'm like,
Ashtonon whenever that chorus
comes on i'm gonna sing with a bong token alcoholics cottonmouth kings is what they call
us i mean can i read some of the i mean this song is it's a great it's a great song it sounds great
but the lyrics are insanely like it opens with i hear the drums echoing tonight. Just like you would in Africa.
Yeah, you watched a cartoon.
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation.
She's coming in 1230 flight.
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation.
That has nothing to do with Africa.
No.
I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies.
He turned to me as if to say, hurry boy, it's waiting there for you.
That's not what he turned to you to say.
He turned to say, you shitty white person, leave me alone.
Like, think about that.
I stopped and asked an old man, give me some African jewels.
Can I have some wisdom?
You shitty white person, leave me alone.
God.
So we all know the chorus.
Like, I bless the rains down in Africa.
But the second verse starts, the wild dogs cry out in the night as they grow restless longing for some solitary company.
Hell yeah.
The dogs are like, fuck, what are you talking about?
And then as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.
These dudes like absolutely just watched a National Geographic documentary.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
This is bullshit.
And then wrote this song.
That's crazy.
It's a cut though.
It is.
It is.
It goes hard.
The fun thing about these rap genius pages is it says what songs have sampled.
That's awesome. Or interpolated them.
I love that.
New World by Nas.
Fight for You by Jason Derulo.
Murder Rains by Ja Rule.
Ooh, man.
Baby.
Huey Newton by Wiz Khalifa.
Huh.
Oh, Reloaded by Rich Homie Kwan.
I have to listen to that.
Yeah, I got a...
Heart of Man by Xzibit.
That's a cut.
Yeah.
Xzibit has used a lot of soft rock.
You got some Billy Joel samples. Oh, yeah. I love Xzibit. What's Xzibit has used a lot of soft rock. You got some Billy Joel samples.
Oh, yeah.
What's Xzibit listening to on the weekends?
He's getting older.
I don't know what.
Probably Steve Winwood.
He's one of the other guys.
He's trying to find me on Twitter.
He's looking for me like fucking Neo or something.
He's trying to find me like where you at.
Call it what you want to call it.
I'm a Steve Winwood-aholic.
We're the Fong token alcoholics yeah uh okay africa by toto great pick it's it's it's just fantastic
just hits the spot it just hits the spot yep uh david borey it is time for your second and
then third pick so my second pick i'm gonna go with another song that just like, every time I hear it, man, I just fucking feel it like in my heart.
And it is,
uh,
up where we belong.
Oh yeah.
Yes.
Shit.
When they hit that,
like shit hard,
that
it's,
oh shit.
I just like,
I can't even explain.
It feels like America is having a baby in my heart. You know what I'm saying? It i just like i can't even explain it feels like america is having a baby in my heart
like all the good like i don't know man i just see like amber waves of grain yeah but then like
eagles like snatch like it just feels like what america should like when my mom became a citizen
they show a video.
Yeah.
And I think that that video should be playing of where we belong.
And it's just like rippling flags. Where eagles fly on mountain high.
Oh, man.
That song is powerful.
It's so like, I like that better than the other Joe Cocker hit.
Really?
Yeah, I don't know, man.
Because especially the version with the lady.
With Jennifer Warnes?
Yeah, when you listen to it, man, you just, fuck, dude.
It makes you really feel like only love matters, which is crazy because you need money.
It's that later Joe Cocker.
Later Joe.
Slightly later.
Because he had, like, hippie crazy hair like Joe Cocker that we mentioned on a previous podcast.
Right.
Songs.
Yeah.
And then this one's a little more cleaned up.
Looking for that love now.
Yeah.
Looking for that love for sure.
Looking for that love.
Not looking for the drugs.
Looking for the love for itself.
I mean, you get the drugs.
You do the drugs.
Yeah.
The drugs get coursing through your veins.
And then you do that for like 20 years.
And then you want some love.
Where eagles
fly
they got cannons in that shit
that song is dangerous
because
you may be in love
and not be as in love as that song
sounds
no not at all
you could be in like a really happy relationship and then you hear that song and you're like but am I in enough love you know what I mean? No, not at all. You could just be kind of in love. You could be in a really happy relationship, and then you hear that song, and you're like,
but am I in enough love?
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
That's Joe Cocker.
That's malpractice.
I think about that with some of those deep-ass love songs.
You're like, I mean, I don't know about all that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Damn.
I would die for you.
Cut my hand off.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
Doesn't he make some flagrant claims on anything I do?
I'd die for you.
I'd lie for you.
Cross the line.
Walk the line for you or something.
One of those is wildly different than the other two.
Yeah, one of them is not that big of a deal.
I guess I'd lie for you.
If your boss was like, was she sick yesterday?
I'd be like, yeah, she was sick.
No.
Absolutely.
That is a lie yeah
i'm not gonna like commit perjury right well i will i i bet you i'd commit perjury a lot
easier than i think i would i bet i'd be pretty quick to lie on the stand if it benefit anyone i
knew damn you should not be saying this onto a recorded track. I don't read books, David. I know that.
Give a shit.
Okay.
I can't help you.
That's forever there.
Business of love.
I understand.
Threw my shirt out the window.
Oh, yeah.
I would fight for you.
I'd lie for you.
Walk the wire for you.
Yeah, I'd die for you.
See, one of those is crazy.
The last one.
Yeah.
The last one.
And then-
Would you?
Would you, Brian?
Robinhood would.
So I guess that song's about Robinhood. See, see. And he would. would would you brian robin hood would so i guess that song's about robin hood and he would so you know all right we're talking about that we're talking about
up where we belong by joe cocker a little more reasonable you're asking for love to lift you up
up above a mountain that song is just us together yeah like what i think about is we're two freaks
yeah like we're both fucking weirdos.
The fact that Joe Cocker's involved makes it seem like it's a song about freaks.
That's what I'm saying.
It's not like people, I think people always think it's like, it's not about like the high
school cheerleader and the football player.
No, not this one.
It's about the kids smoking cigs under the bleachers.
It's them getting married and taking on this world together.
It's 100% what it is.
It's for weird body love.
It's a love song for weird body lovers.
Weird body love.
We both found out that you listen to that song while you're playing paintball.
And you just found that out.
And you're like, hell yeah, let's get married.
Yeah, some weird shit.
It's a song for when there's like some pizza in the bed, too.
Yeah.
Or something.
That's up where we belong.
Fucking on crumbs.
Fucking on crumbs.
That's an album. That's got to be an album. It's we belong. Fucking on crumbs. Fucking on crumbs! That's an album.
That's got to be an album.
It's a song for fucking on crumbs.
It is a song for fucking on crumbs.
It's not that rose petal music.
Yeah, it isn't that rose petal music, though.
That's like that Barry White shit.
This is like, yeah, Joe Cocker, strange love for sure.
Dirty strange love.
Some pepperoni and crumbs all over the bed.
Throw me down on it.
We're both kind of smelly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We both smell like meat.
You could both use a shower.
Yeah.
Up where we belong is your second pick and your third pick.
So my third pick, I'm going back to like more of an upbeat thing.
Okay. And I think it's just a real classic, just a classic middle of the road for all the middle
of the road reasons.
Yeah.
Soft rock song.
I'm going Walking in Memphis.
Oh.
Because from what I hear, he's totally like a fraud.
Yeah.
It's just like he just made up a song.
What's his name?
It's Michael. I got it, Mark Cohn
it's just, it's got a bunch of stuff
in that song, once again
bold claims that I don't really understand
yeah but that's what's the best about bold claims
when she's like, are you a Christian child?
and he's like, I am tonight
what the fuck are you talking about?
I will say, ma'am I am
tonight
if I can speak on behalf of a man who I'm not sure is Jewish, but going by the name of Mark Cohn, I think maybe is.
Wait, are you Jewish?
A hundred percent.
Bar Mitzvah and everything.
Yeah.
Thank you for asking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You are.
And there's some, sometimes you'll walk by, you'll hear like gospel music or see like a real fun church thing.
And you're like, I could see how you could do that for one night.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the way.
But it is a very suspect song.
It's a great song.
It's a great song.
It sounds great.
What are they talking about?
Walking in Memphis.
I don't even know what he's saying.
What is he saying right there?
10 feet off of Beale.
Beale Street.
Oh, all right.
Yeah, I was just making it up.
It's like a bourbon street.
It sounds like he's really like, it's like making an I Love L.A. song.
It's just like, I like Disneyland.
Yeah, Sunset Vine.
Yeah, yeah.
He doesn't have any deep Memphis cuts to make me believe.
He's not shouting out Orange Mound?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't have any deep Memphis cuts to make me believe. He's not shouting out Orange Mound? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
At least get Mark Gasol.
Throw Mark Gasol in there, Mark Khan.
I saw Tony Allen.
Bursting defense.
Everything I know about Memphis is from the Grizzlies.
Yeah.
And Justin Timberlake is from Memphis.
He says it in the chorus.
If I'm walking in Memphis, walking with my feet 10 feet off a bill,
walking in Memphis, but do I really feel the way I feel?
Doesn't mean anything.
It doesn't.
It means nothing.
But it sounds so good because his voice is like Michael McDonald-y.
Do I really feel what I feel?
You feel that shit.
It takes a bite.
Some people can just sing some shit and the words don't matter.
Yeah.
This song is fucking paint-by-numbers Southern Elvis shit.
Because the whole second one is about Elvis.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I respect it.
I love that song. it's on the phone that'll go on when i'm on a plane and i've had like five shooters or so i put that on and i'm
like headphones headphones are loud and i'll tap people and be like what's up like i know i'm
whispering what's up i'm saying fucking doing have you gotten in trouble for bringing your
own shooters on planes yet never i've never gotten in trouble either because Because they tell you you're not allowed to bring your own alcohol.
That's recently, though.
They tell me to wear pants.
I feel like that just started.
That's true.
No, I mean, dude, you can fill the Grand Canyon with this shit.
They will let you do it.
You bring them in.
You can bring in like 11 or some shit.
And you can just make.
I just go into the bathroom.
I'll get a Coke, dump half of it out, and then just make a very, very strong drink that i don't need to drink very fast yeah so i bring guns on flights you know just put them on the uh
the tray like the matrix just set them on as long as you lay it on yeah you just have to put it on
the tray you have to be like there's nothing i'm hiding what do you got to hide right here yeah
my gun's on the table where's yours i mean if this thing fucking if this thing crash lands in the
amazon rainforest you're gonna be thinking you're lucky stars have brought these guns on this flight
she's like good point
exactly so yeah no i haven't gotten in trouble for my shooters all right cool you bring on
different kinds of shooters yeah yeah yeah yeah should i bring on future shooters
that he's mentioning in his songs.
All right.
But yeah, walking in Memphis. Walking in Memphis.
All right.
All right.
It's time for my third pick.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
All right.
I got to take another song that's not the band's best song, but I think it is definitely
their soft rockest song.
There was a lot of that this draft.
There are a lot of them.
A lot of them where you're like, oh, but I can't pick the heater I like.
I can't pick the heater, but I can pick a heater.
And they say that the road is no place to start a family.
Sure.
You know?
But right down the line, it's been you and me.
And they say loving a music band is not always what it's supposed to be.
Oh, you stand by me oh i'm forever yours oh it sounds so much funnier when someone's
faithfully faithfully by journey I fucking love that song
How many people do you think that's their wedding song?
Hella
How many of those people do you think are still married though?
Oh god
My mom and my dad are
You want to hear an opinion about Steve Perry?
Top 5 alive or dead male vocalists of all time
Top 5 dead or alive
Over Steve Winwood?
Way over Steve Winwood
I think Steve Perry is a perfect singer What does he rank five dead or alive? Over Steve Winwood? Way over Steve Winwood. I think Steve Perry is
pert near a perfect singer.
What does he rank in your Steve's? Top Steve?
Yeah. Well, no. No.
I mean, does he have any software? I don't want to say.
Different Steve is number one. Oh, okay.
Steve Aoki. Judkins? Stevelin?
Steve Aoki.
We're talking about the wheels of steel.
The heir to the Benihana fortune?
Steve Aoki?
Steve, spin it!
That's what I say.
Yeah, no, Steve Perry, I think, is a fucking amazing singer.
Amazing.
So not good looking, too, which makes him a better singer to me.
I like it when my singers are ugly.
Yeah.
I love when he busts in with, suck his lights onto the big top world.
Yeah. I just love that part.
He's fantastic.
We've told the story on this podcast before.
Somebody told it, and I'll repeat it now,
where everybody else in Journey was like they hated Steve Perry
because when they would go on tour,
because he was very particular about his voice,
so he would sit in and drink tea and do vocal exercises
and have a humidifier going.
God, that would be annoying.
Everyone else in Journey would be out getting butt.
And they'd be mad at him for not partying with them.
And he's like, I'm...
I'm basically the band.
I'm Journey.
I'm taking care of this.
I'm a world-class rock star.
Yeah.
We can get a different fucking guitar player if we have to.
If you want the wheel on the...
Well, that's what happened was they got a different singer.
I know they did.
From the Philippines.
Shout out to that little Filipino dude.
Right?
He was fucking...
He sounds just like Steve Carey.
Yeah, he wails.
Kelly Jordan, if you give her an in, will give you an earful and a doggy bag full of
earful to take home about how dope that dude is.
The new kid?
The new dude.
She is fucking...
Swears he's better than Steve.
Wow.
What?
Did she see him at the... at the sioux falls half time
at a sioux falls sky force game no is it the fair dog yeah but she loves him and shout out to saint
uh saint kelly yeah she's dank she's dank but yeah that dude sounds exactly like steven perry
i love him that was a great pick yeah shout out to sue carmel while we're at it saint sue
yeah sarah bori's listening saint sue made some uh i wasn't sold shout out to shout out to Sue Carmel while we're at it. Saint Sue Carmel. Hell yeah, Saint Sue. Yeah. Sarah Borey's listening.
Saint Sue made some, I wasn't sold, shout out to Saint Sarah Borey.
I wasn't sold on sweet potatoes because I'm a savory boy.
And Sue Carmel whipped up some sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving.
Were they mashed?
They were like, they were almost like whipped.
Yeah, that's the only way I can fuck with them.
And they were so good.
But that's almost its own dessert.
It was its own kind of dessert.
Yeah.
I would have had to try them and then i i would have had to act like i
liked them because i can't do anything but that i know wait in front of but have you ever had them
with the marshmallows on top you heard it last week or two weeks ago we had them twice and thrown
up both times all right all right i bet you would like these ones i probably would hand to god made
those jamel it is time for your third pick. Third pick? Hmm.
This one's for me. I don't know
if it's as much of a
banger as I think
it is, but I have to
trade it up for this one. Sure.
Lowdown by
Boz Skaggs.
Remember that one? I don't know. I don't know that I know that
song. Hold on, let me don't know. I don't know that I know that song.
Hold on.
Let me look this up.
Lowdown by Boz Skaggs.
B-O-Z Skaggs, dude.
Right.
One of Michael McDonald's boys, by the way. Is he?
Yeah.
Really?
He's one of the greats.
There's this song Lonely Teardrops.
I love this song Lonely Teardrops.
Michael McDonald has a really good version.
And after this song, he goes, all right, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to bring up my good friend boz skags he said it just like michael you can say boss
skaggs i thought boz skaggs was black for the majority of my life he is not he's not looking
but he'd be hitting them notes dude really damn he was in the steve miller band yeah man
boss gag here's another thing about boss scags the song lowdown is off an album called silk
degrees damn come on now that's all that's all you need to know i didn't even know i wanted a
degree silk degrees i didn't know you could major in silk uh what's the weather right now
silk degrees and then you're just laying someone down at silk degrees silk degrees you didn't know you could major in silk What's the weather right now? Silk degrees And then you're just laying someone down
Silk degrees
That's when we should start calling it
When it's that perfect weather
Silk degrees
Done deal
Silk degrees
How dare you
I'm about to go take a walk
It's just about silk degrees outside it's just about silk degrees outside
it's just about silk degrees outside we got freddie tackett on guitar let's do that on
slide what time is about silk 30 let's go to the club uh i don't know this song i want to put like
yeah i don't have the wi-fi i mean i'm gonna play it oh that works it's gonna go to an
advertiser first it'll play on the podcast and i'll just listen to this podcast what's its what's its kind of
vibe what's the uh what's the tenor of the song oh it's a little upbeat yeah you know it's kind
of got a um it's a pool hall vibe i got one I got one of those. It's a pool hall. I know exactly what you're talking about. I do too now.
All right. I got to play in the background.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Oh, this is a pool hall.
Yeah, you just stepped in.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm eating mozzarella sticks, but that guy's smoking a cigarette.
Yeah, yeah.
Just got paid.
Oh, yeah.
Direct deposit just hit.
Ooh.
Somebody sampled this.
Ooh.
Did they not?
Oh, I'm sure. Somebody sampled it. This is a jam. Yeah, I mean, they'll figure it out. But yeahpled this. Ooh. Did they not? Oh, I'm sure.
Somebody sampled it.
This is a jam.
I'll figure it out.
But yeah, it's tight.
Oh, I've heard this song.
Vaz Skagg.
Yes.
That guy's voice is crazy.
I thought he was black, too.
I've heard that song.
Sounds like Gary Neville.
I did not know that was a white guy.
Yeah, that is a white male.
Sometimes they surprise you.
Yeah.
You came first.
I got a good boss.
Yeah, that wasn't bad.
Sounds like Aaron Neville to me.
It's close.
It's close.
That's the good thing.
Oh, I did not know that that was a white guy.
I never knew that.
That's pretty buck. Skaggs. I know that song even. Boz Skaggs. Boz. I don't know if that was a white guy. I never knew that. That's pretty buck.
Skaggs.
I know that song even.
Boz Skaggs.
Boz.
Not enough Bozes in our life.
No.
Shout out to Brian Boz.
Brian Boz is the only other one.
Yeah.
Oh, shout out to my homie Boz.
He does pornography.
Actor or director?
Actor.
Ooh, good for him, dude.
This dude.
He's got what you need to do.
He's got the necessary requirements.
Let's just say I don't want him to cut my hair
anymore because it rubs on my shoulder.
His dick, right?
And I'm laying down.
Yeah, he's huge dick.
His big
penis, Sean. His huge girthy dong.
Big ol' smoking dick.
It's honestly more of a curse than a gift.
Guys, swinging a big stick, as they say.
His what?
Swinging a big stick.
Yeah.
Packets of meat.
Tripod.
Third leg.
What did Bernie Mac say?
I'm hung low.
I'm hung low.
I'm blessed.
Big bone.
Yeah.
In his pants with a picture of Bernie Mac airbrushed onto him.
That's where his big penis is.
What a fucking genius.
All right.
Low down.
Excellent pick. Sean, it's time for your third and fourth picks. Oh, shit. That's where his big penis is. What a fucking genius. Lowdown, excellent pick. Sean, it's time for your
third and fourth picks.
Oh shit, that's right.
Third pick. I'm going to pick
Total Eclipse of the Heart
by the Dan Band.
Oh, really?
Is that still soft rock?
And fucking every now and then I fall apart.
Is it still soft rock if they're dropping
hard ass? I don't know. God, there's not a lot of soft rock songs with hard ass. I fall apart. Is it still soft rock if they're dropping hard ass? I don't know.
God, there's not a lot of soft rock songs with hard ass.
I feel like.
I ficked it.
It's still.
All right.
I'm just saying.
Unless he says I can't.
I don't know, man.
I'm looking at the commissioner.
I usually read the room on this one, and the room doesn't like it.
You guys all got stoked when I ficked it.
Yeah.
You guys all got stoked when I ficked it.
It's a really good pick.
It's a great pick, the Dan Van thing.
You got stoked when I said the Dan Van.'s a great pick The Dan Van thing You got stoked
When I said the Dan Van
We're fucking every now and then
I fall apart
And I need you now
Tonight
I fucking need you more
Than ever
I feel like the fucking
Is what makes it
Not a soft rock song
The fucking is hard rock
But it's about fucking Bonnie Tyler's version Is better Oh man that's funny I never thought about The fucking is hard rocking. Bonnie Tyler's version
is better. Oh man, that's funny.
I never thought about how fucking makes it
a hard rock song. I'm gonna
allow it, but with the caveat that I
sincerely believe the Bonnie Tyler original
version is the superior flavor.
I think so.
And has one of the wildest music videos of
all time. It does. I watched it.
Have you seen it? I watched it today.
There's ninjas and football players in it.
And they're in a mansion.
I don't know that I'd ever seen it.
I watched it today.
And that's what reminded me.
I was like, oh, the Dan band had that funny one, though.
It looks like you did acid in a Meatloaf music video.
The music video for that song.
I mean, the Dan band version is great.
Yeah.
That is.
And the listeners love you.
So they're going to let you get away with it.
I like the. Some of them might even agree.
Who the fuck knows?
Well, yeah, they're going to agree because you're so affable, charming, funny.
Yeah, they love your personality.
If they search the heart, if they take a torch and wander into the catacombs of their subconscious
and open the door marked heart, they will see inside and see that it is not the Dan
Van playing in there.
It's Bonnie Tyler and her studio musicians.
Open the door marked heart.
All right.
I know it's in here somewhere.
It's in there.
All right.
The Dan Band.
The Dan Band.
Total eclipse of the heart.
Yeah.
Total eclipse of the tri-heart.
Someone had to do it.
I haven't heard a crazy pick yet.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Put your shirt on.
I burned it, dude.
It's gone.
Put that Bible out.
What are you doing? So the Dan Band. Okay.. Put your shirt on. I burned it, dude. It's gone. Put that Bible out. What are you doing?
So the Dan van.
Okay.
You can speak on it.
Do you have something to say about the Dan van?
You got a little something to say about the fucking Dan van?
We're talking about the goddamn Dan van.
Yeah.
I said what I had to say.
Sean's feeling threatened.
You got a little something else to say about the fucking Dan van, bro.
Yeah.
It's hard.
It's hard over here, Danny.
Sean got a shield.
He doesn't have a sword, but he's holding a medieval shield.
A Jordan family crest over here.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
It's just a bottle of Jameson.
It's just in front of your heart.
You think the Dan Band, that's their only job?
For a while it was, I think.
That guy's got to have like another gig, right?
I don't know.
Do they tour and stuff?
Are they still doing stuff?
I don't.
I think that question answered itself.
Shout out to Dan Band.
I fucking need you more than ever.
They were in that, and then they were in Starsky and Hutch.
Yeah.
Yeah, they were.
Yeah, because I was like, oh, yeah, those dudes.
Yeah.
That is right.
I think I saw them on Comedy Central once.
Okay.
Doing something.
Not a premium blend, but something like that.
They could have had a little special.
I would have watched their 30-minute.
Oh, yeah, they're in The Hangover, too.
I would have watched their 30-minute. I would have watched their 30-minute.
Oh, are they in the hangover?
They're in the hangover.
They're doing all right.
All right.
Yeah, that was good.
But next pick.
I want to hear your next pick.
Bad.
So if you watch The Karate Kid 2, if you watch it all the way to the end of the movie, then
you're going to hear one of my favorite songs of all time.
I am the man who will fight for your honor i am the hero that
you're dreaming of gonna live forever knowing together that we did it all for the glory of love.
Like a knight in shining armor
from a long time ago.
Yes, in time I'll save the day.
Take you to my castle far away.
Ooh, good work.
Damn.
That's so good.
It's one of the best songs,
soft rock ever, but it's got one of the wackest lyrics.
And I know I just picked it, but he goes, like a knight in shining armor from a long time ago.
Yeah, you know.
That's one of the worst.
Laura and I talk about it all the fucking time.
They probably debated over what era the knight should be from.
Peter Cetera was like, right, so it's a knight in shining armor.
And this guy's like, like at medieval Times, that restaurant in Anaheim?
No, man.
No.
No, you fucking asshole.
No, like from a long time ago.
Well, put it in there then, Peter.
We've been here for nine hours.
All the coke's gone.
Write the fucking song.
It's going to be a hit.
You're a hit machine.
All the coke's gone.
Listen, for Peter Cetera, all the coke was never gone.
Man was in Chicago.
You're a goddamn hit machine.
Now crank it out, Pete.
Peter Cetere cranking out hits, cranking out children.
How many kids does he have?
I don't know, man.
He's got at least one.
He's got one for sure.
Like a night in China, no homo.
I'm not going to say.
Anyway, we're moving on.
It's just for whoever's listening.
It's been secrets month on All Fantasy Everything. I know. So many say. Anyway, we're moving on. It's just, whoever's listening. It's been Secrets Month on All Fantasy Everything.
I know.
So many secrets.
So many secrets.
That song is dope.
It's just a dope song.
That song is great, and there's a great punk cover of it, which is how I, I think by me
first.
Me first?
Give me, give me, give me.
I think.
Let me.
Will you do your punk rock?
Ian used to do this fucking punk rock voice.
Like a knight in shining armor. Like a knight in shining armor.
Like a knight in shining armor.
From a long time ago.
It's the time I'll save the day.
Take it to my castle far away.
Hey, yay.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
Take it to my castle far away.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
That tone of voice makes me want to skate in a pool.
I just immediately wanted to jump
in a pool. It's like
that good Charlotte ring.
The little things.
Just flick a cigarette
on a car when you're skating by it, looking at the
woman driving it. That's why you did it.
You can do it with Andy's
talk. Would you know
my name?
If I saw you in heaven. You can do it with any song. Would you know my name?
Sha-na-na-na-na.
If I saw you in heaven.
Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na.
Would it be the same?
Sha-na-na-na-na-na.
If I saw you in heaven.
Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na.
You know I must be strong.
Sha-na-na-na-na-na.
And carry on.
Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
I'm sweating
you know people
I bet you someone's
gonna do that
in like Muskegon
tomorrow
at like a
punk rock show
oh yeah
oh it was
Newfound Glory
that had Glory of Love
my bad
oh man
Newfound Glory
oh that's so good I was laughing so hard right there yeah it was Newfound Glory that had Glory of Love. My bad. Newfound Glory. Boy.
That's so good.
I was laughing so hard right there.
Yeah, it was good.
It was good.
Good job.
You're a professional.
Hey, Whitmer Thomas also has an amazing Blink-182.
I just saw him do it the other night.
God damn it was great.
Where he does the...
Oh, yeah.
He has that whole bit.
Yeah.
He has a great bit about...
Which is why I never want to do the punk rock voice on stage.
Because he's got that...
He's got it sewn up.
About the dude from Blink-182.
Well, he's also got the rap.
Where are you?
And I'm so sorry.
That is how he talks.
I know.
Something special happens every time.
I like Blink, though.
I do, too.
I fuck with Blink in a major way.
Yeah, I got nothing against it.
I'm feeling it.
I never did.
God, I regret right now.
I'm feeling it. The air is so cold and numb. I'm feeling it. Let me in her it. I'm feeling it. I never did. God, I regret right now. I'm feeling it.
The air is so cold and numb.
I'm feeling it.
Let me in her room.
I'm feeling it.
I want to take off her clothes.
Get the fuck out of here, Dad.
We're making a stop.
You too.
That's got football written all over it.
I was never good enough at football to have got that far.
You never got to the Papa Roach level?
I got to the Papa Roach level.
To pop up?
Dude, we used to drive around the loop and turn up Papa Roach
and just whip through these parking lots.
I'm going live.
In two pieces.
Oh, man.
That drowning part, dude.
Let the bodies of the floor.
Let the bodies of the floor.
Oh, God.
We played that before every goddamn
football game.
Our school was too black, man.
We used to just play
Lil Wayne.
Really?
You won
because that song
fucking sucks.
I think about that song,
I think about Antonio Lucero
talking to himself
in the mirror
in the bathroom
holding a football
just saying,
you're a bad motherfucker.
Nobody can fucking stop you.
The kids do that shit.
And then that song
playing, they did that shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Nobody can fucking stop you. The kids do that shit.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't because I was cool, but kids were doing that.
I love it.
I fucking love that.
We played Jesuit, which is the really rich private
high school that was in our league.
We just went to the upper middle class high school
and we wrote eat the rich on our
hands.
My dad's a lawyer but i was like yeah fuck them yeah you got anything any little edge any little edge we still
lost oh that's tight uh jamel it's time for your fourth pick.
This fourth roster spot is an honorary one because I feel like this group just needs to get involved.
I had to get away from all the Michael McDonald on my board.
Yeah. I'm going with Black Cow by Steely Dan.
Fuck, Steely Dan is so good.
Almost too funky to even get it.
You know what's so funny?
I never knew about Steely Dan, so I wrote them off because I would always hear people
talk shit.
I was in a bar with Zach Pugh, and he played like six Steely Dan songs in a row, and I
was like, I don't know what's going on, but this music is great.
I'm going to...
Yeah. Banger. Black Cow's fucking great, and it was sampled by Lord know what's going on but this music is great I'm gonna yeah
Black Cow's fucking great
and it was sampled
by Lord Tariq and Peter Guns
which is a
big plus
and I got another
clipped out of Deja Crew
yeah
I mean we can go down that
but the song
in and of itself
is great
I remember when
Deja Vu came out
and my dad heard
like the
my dad was a bit
cause he's a dad
he's a big Steely Dan fan and uh heard like the beginning, you know, he was
like, hey, hey, like, hey, that's Steely Dan.
And it was like, no.
And they were in, I think they were in Shea Stadium.
Yeah, yeah.
Even though they were up in the Bronx.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, he's from Soundview.
Lower Tariq was just on top of the Big Apple.
Yeah.
Remember when you saw the Apple in the stadium? He's from Soundview. Lord Tariq was just on top of the Big Apple. Yeah.
Who would have thought Peter Guns was going to be the one to make a late in life love and hip hop career?
Yeah. I thought we were going to see.
Because I always thought Peter Guns was lame.
He was like, and I love sex.
Yeah, and I rock and roll.
That line is great.
Which one had the red leather on and which one had the black leather on?
Black leather was Peter, or Lord Tariq.
Red leather was Peter Guns. Was black leather on? Red leather. Black leather was Peter, or Lord Tariq. Red leather was
Peter Guns.
Okay,
all right.
Also though,
Peter Guns,
tons of kids,
so he does love sex.
He does.
And I rock a roulette.
He probably doesn't anymore.
And I love sex.
What kind of rhymes
with sex?
And I fucking also
just love.
Steely Dan.
They're great.
They are. R.I.P. to one of them just love. Steely Dan. They're great. Yeah.
R.I.P. to one of them just died.
One of the Steely Dads.
Steely Dad.
Sure.
Donald Fagan didn't die.
It was Walter Becker, right?
Which one is that?
The band is basically Walter Becker and Donald Fagan.
And I think Walter Becker died Donald Fagan. And I think
Walter Becker died
like a month or two ago.
Yeah, September 3rd.
Damn.
R.I.P.
to Walter Becker.
But yeah,
they were great.
They were such
good musicians.
Their songs,
Ricky Don't Lose That Number,
which is another one
of their songs,
but that one is so good.
That was on my list.
Sure.
Ricky don't lose that number.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're dope.
Yeah, Steely Dan.
But Black Cow, that was definitely their funkiest one, but still definitely soft rock.
It's in the wheelhouse.
Yeah.
They nailed it.
They did nail the genre, man.
Good for that.
Yeah, they murdered it.
What a fun genre to nail.
You're like, ah, pretty low stakes, you know?
That's just chill. Keep your heart rate down. You're like, ah, pretty low stakes, you know? That's just chill.
You can play it forever.
You're never too old to be doing a soft rock concert.
No, just go up there.
People just want to see you.
Just want to see you exist and play those hits that they know and love.
You don't need to be.
You can sit down.
I don't give a shit.
Yeah.
Just in the interest of time, because we are getting long in the tooth here, I'm going
to move us on.
What are we, fourth pick?
That's about when it happens.
Yeah, that's about when we have to speed up over time.
And with my fourth pick,
I'm going to take a song by The Carpenters, Superstar.
That's a good, I see that.
Yeah, you know that one?
I don't know that.
It starts off, it's also covered famously by Sonic Youth.
It starts off real slow.
Definitely, I know that.
Don't you ever tell me you love me, baby.
Yeah.
Don't you ever tell me you love me, baby.
Said you'd become the best.
Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby.
I love dudes.
You know my favorite thing to do is replace you with dude.
Oh, I like that.
Every song that works.
Or dudes. I like that. Every song that works. Or dudes.
Always.
I love dudes.
I really do.
Always funny.
Dude, you really want to hurt me.
Dude, dudes really want to make me cry.
I just want to rock dudes' bodies.
Basically. Dance with me yeah oh baby dudes
it always fits it always ships dude say he's just a friend man that is great play that on your
spare time holy shit that's a good game it's just
it's a real slow burner
and Karen Carpenter
another rest in peace
dead before I was born
what a hauntingly beautiful voice
just
amazing
a lot of pain in that voice
those are the best voices
that's what Brian Adams from Chewing on All That Glass, I think, is that pain.
Yeah, absolutely.
Chewing on all that ass.
It's just, I mean, the song is so sad.
Chewing on ass, boy!
It's about her falling in love with like a, well, I mean, by leon russell and uh somebody else oh bonnie bramlett but uh it's it's like so sad it's about falling in love with
like somebody like on a like it's a little bit like what a fool believes like long ago and oh
so far away i fell in love with you before the second show your guitar sounded so sweet and clear
but you're not really here. It's just the radio.
Oh, so she hooked up with a rock musician.
Yeah. And then he bailed.
Don't you remember you told me
you loved me, baby.
Oh, he said you were coming
back again. Yeah, okay.
Man, that song.
Right?
She probably did that to someone.
She probably did. I hope oh she probably did she probably did
that i hope she did i bet she did throw her around karen you weren't long for this world
you're on the road you did that to somebody oh yeah well that's true that's a road thing
it is uh david it's time for your fourth and then also your final picks so my fourth pick
i just used to love this song as a kid so much, man. I like story songs where people are fighting.
So it's The Girl is Mine by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson.
I just love the back and forth.
It's like, no, you didn't, Michael.
And then at one point, Michael Jackson just goes,
I don't believe it.
My, my.
It's so funny.
Yo, can I tell you, me and Rob Hayes, y'all know Rob Hayes?
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
We was at the Limestone Comedy Festival like 2015, and they had karaoke, and me and him
did The Girl Is Mine, and we shut that shit down.
I believe it.
Oh, my God.
It's such a good karaoke song shit why have i never thought of
that it's amazing sending roses and your silly dreams being just a waste of time the girl is mine
it's such a it's such a great soft rock song michael jackson dipping his toes in soft rock
yeah he went everywhere yeah he really went it was the whole 80s. There's a couple. There might be a couple that you could call soft rock.
Maybe.
There's another song with those two.
Say, say, say is soft rock.
Wouldn't you say that?
Yeah.
Wouldn't you say, say, say that?
There's a couple of joints on Thriller that you can play on a soft rock station.
Yeah.
Like Lady of My Life.
I feel like when girls-
That is a soft rock song.
When girls are looking at Michael...
It's many things, but it's a rock album, too.
Yeah.
There's Eddie Van Halen on that shit.
Eddie Van Halen on there.
Yeah, exactly.
What are we talking about?
Thriller.
Oh, yeah, Thriller.
The magic of...
Just its ability to both blend and create new genres.
He was incredible.
Yeah.
But anyways, that song, just a really fun good song to
listen to fantastic it's fun they're fighting over ladies you don't really believe michael jackson
what kind of ladies are paul mccartney and michael that's what i was gonna say i feel like a girl's
either looking at them being like who is in that venn diagram i bet you at the time it was a lot
more women than you'd think yeah well paul mccartney
was with linda mccartney for like whenever they shacked up until her death in the early 2000s
or mid-2000s so it was all show for paul mccartney because what's what what year is that song like
the 70s 80 well it's when thriller came out so 81 81 82 82 Damn. Oh, nominated for a Grammy.
As it should have been.
That song ruled.
Yeah.
But that is my fourth pick.
Excellent.
And then I'm swinging into my final pick.
And I want you to know how hard it was to pick.
But I just had to do another song that I just love the vibe of.
And it's Baby, I Love Your Ways by Peter Frampton.
Please.
Absolutely.
That was good.
Ooh, baby, I love your ways.
Way to bring it on.
Every day.
Yeah.
I want to be with you night and day.
You know what else I loved about that song?
Well, also, I just love the verses, because it doesn't sound like other Peter Frampton
songs, really.
Like, that's its own shit.
But I remember as a kid, you remember Bill Nye used to have the music videos at the end of every episode?
No.
In the sound episode, the song was Baby, I Love Your Waves.
Talking about sound waves.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Doing his little Weird Al version.
I get it.
I like it.
It's tight.
But yeah, Baby, I Love...
It's just...
What a good...
Like a sunset, you're drinking some kind of like a melon-infused drink. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It yeah, baby yellow. It's just what a good, like a sunset. You're drinking some kind of like a melon infused drink.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got cream.
You're cream.
Your top and your bottom are the same color.
I don't care what color they are.
Top, bottom, cream.
Yeah, cream.
Brown sandals.
It's like cream with a nice leather brown sandal.
Yeah.
And you just, everything smells like cocoa butter.
Looking like a snickerdoodle.
Yeah.
Like a snickerdoodle.
Exactly.
Looking like a snickerdoodle. Damn. It tastes, smelling like a snickerdoodle. Yeah. Like a snickerdoodle. Exactly. Looking like a snickerdoodle.
Damn.
Tastes, smelling like a snickerdoodle.
Oh, man.
Coming out the hand.
Smells sweet.
Literally a snack.
Oh, man.
And you're outside and it's just like.
It's about silk outside.
No, no, no.
This is linen.
It's linen degrees.
It might be a vest with no shirt on.
I feel like it's a little hotter.
It's still a little hotter than silk degrees. Yeah. I was saying it's silk degrees. It might be a vest with no shirt on. I feel like it's still a little hotter than silk degrees.
Yeah, I was saying it's silk degrees.
Yeah, but not much.
Not much, but a little bit.
A little bit.
Beer 30 silk degrees.
It's hot enough that in our beach chairs,
we have to retire back to the beach house because it's too cool.
Yeah.
The wind is whipping through, but the sun's going down.
It's beautiful.
We're not dressed for it.
She sniffs the air and says, I love it here.
And I say, I love you.
And then, ooh, baby, I love you.
And we just, we do it, but in that way that you can only see her grabbing the sheet slowly.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Tasteful.
Tasteful.
Tasteful.
PG-13, but you know we love each other. And then hard smash to penetration.
Whip pan.
Just a whip pan.
Whip pan, lock frame.
Oh my God, that's hilarious.
Just a whip pan lock frame.
Hard smash to penetration.
Whip it through the glass.
Absolutely.
But yeah, Baby I Love Your Ways.
Excellent pick.
Is my final pick.
Cartwheel?
It's so hard to close it.
I know.
It was hard to open it.
It's so hard to close it.
Oh, God.
It's like you're getting a spinal tap right. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's like you're getting a spinal tap.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
I am really conflicted.
There's one.
There's a.
If I was making a My Personal Five favorite, there's a song I would put on there.
But I'll just shout it out in the also rants.
God, this is so hard i had no idea how deep this draft was gonna be no me either i thought i was gonna get maybe five i thought
i was gonna get to draft the whole football team no oh no you're winning 11 no dude like it's
it's five hard. Okay. Okay.
All right.
If you guys can see his face.
I know.
He's holding the mic and just like almost said something three times. Yeah, like pensive.
You just got to put it on the board, man.
I know.
I just got to say it.
All right.
I'm going to go with, I mean, I got to close it out.
I'm going to close it out with a real closeout song.
One of the great soft rock songs of all time.
Okay.
You know, because I close my eyes.
Only for a moment and the moment's gone.
Dust in the Wind.
I don't know.
Kansas. Oh, man. Aren't we all? Yeah. Dust in the wind. I don't know. Kansas.
Oh, man.
Aren't we all?
Dust in that fucking wind.
All we are is dust in the wind.
If I hear that song and I'm in the right mood, I'm different for a couple hours.
You're different, right?
Especially if I'm on a road trip, get out of town.
If I'm driving into the sunset listening to that song, I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
If you're listening to
a more upbeat mix
and then that comes on
it's all
kind of
it's all
you're gonna play like
some real low key songs
for a while
it'll make you take a look
inside for sure
that's a
no matter what you're doing
or where you're at
you hear that song
you turn a corner
maybe not for a long time
no
but that song's a corner turner
there might be another corner
coming up
you turn that corner
yeah maybe you play
Love Shack
you turn right out of it.
Yeah, oh yeah.
For a second.
The whole shack shimmy!
And you're back out, man.
It's as big as a whale!
Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
crumbles to the ground
though we refuse to see.
It's true, man.
Fucking cancerous.
Dust in the wind.
Also, the lead singer's
kind of thick.
Wasn't that the video
that you played for a long time?
Well, we played, yeah.
They did a sketch, right?
I made a sketch,
me and my friend Louie, who's been on the show for the Late Late Show.
I didn't even pick it for that reason, but check it out.
We did a.
I remember the inception of that because we're sitting in the house.
Ian's like, look at how weird this video is.
Yeah.
And I'd never seen it before.
I think I haven't seen the video.
The video was fucking wild.
Everybody fucking watched that video.
It's just Kansas all in a, like, cause it's like almost kind of from before music videos.
Yeah.
So I didn't know what to do.
But like they're wearing,
like they're dressed for like fucking like prom,
but like community college prom is the best way I can describe how they're dressed.
That sounds like right up my alley.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like powder blue suit,
like frilly tux.
Yeah.
But they all look too old for that.
Uh,
and so we,
yeah.
So check out,
go to YouTube and look up like late,
late show dust in the wind i
think we did a pretty funny sketch it was good yeah uh but yeah that song i fuck with it heavy
it's a dank one i just we watched that video probably like 20 times in a week
it was so gnarly uh jamel it's time for your final pick. Much like Borey, this is a tough decision.
I'd like to apologize to a few clubs.
I know.
Lifehouse.
Mm-hmm.
Y'all got close.
Yeah.
I like America.
Mm.
Right in there, Fleetwood Mac.
Ooh.
Mm-hmm.
I'm so sorry.
Phil Collins.
Okay.
I'm super sorry.
You know what I'm saying?
You might not have to apologize to all these people. Oh, yeah. Sean's still got a pick. Okay. He'm super sorry. You know what I'm saying? You might not have to apologize to all these people.
Oh, yeah.
Sean's still got a pick.
Okay.
He's still got a pick.
But this one, I just want to show my range.
A little newer.
Soft rock.
The Game of Love.
Santana.
Feet, Michelle Branch.
Michelle Branch.
Dude, I love that song.
It's all in the game of love. Yeah, that song's dope. Oh, my God. I heard it on Mushrooms once. Yeah. And love that song. It's all in the game of love.
Yeah, that song's dope.
Oh, my God.
I heard it on Mushrooms once.
Yeah.
And it really hit the spot.
Is that from the 2001 album Supernatural?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
It is.
Yes, it is.
Featuring Rob Thomas.
Featuring Rob Thomas.
It also had cream on it.
Yeah.
Or smooth.
Sorry, not cream.
Smooth cream.
Smooth cream.
Smooth cream.
A lot of locks.
It had Maria Maria. She reminds me of a West Side Story. Smooth cream. A lot of locks. It had Maria Maria.
She reminds me of a West Side Story.
Maria Maria.
Santana showing his own range on Supernatural.
Yeah, dude.
Supernatural is such a good album.
It is a good album.
I wrote, my last thing I ever wrote for the Portland Mercury,
for my column, was a four-week, four-part retrospective
on Supernatural by Santana. by santana and i dove back in
i was like we all make fun of this is it a joke not all of it baby yeah it was so it was not all
massive hit yeah there's some good there's some good stuff in there that album was so big i thought
he spoke english does he not speak i don't think so what a flex if he still doesn't speak english
because he owns a wine company.
I would just think he doesn't talk.
That might be it.
He lets the guitar do the talking.
Yeah, he probably understands English, but just chooses not to talk.
Good for him.
He lets his fingers do the walking and his Uzis do the talking.
Brett.
Sean Jordan, it's time for your final pick.
It sucks because I don't know the lyrics.
I just know that I love the song.
Or the meaning of reverie.
Huh?
Or the meaning of reverie.
Yeah, yeah, we knew that.
I reverie the lyrics to this song.
Okay.
I reverie them back.
One More Night by Phil Collins.
It is such a soft rock-ass pool song.
And all I know is that one more night, just one more night.
I won't live forever.
Something like that is in there.
What else do you have to know?
I'm saying.
There might not be any other lyrics as far as I'm concerned.
That's got pool hall written all over it to me.
And I think it's the song In Color of Money when
Tom Cruise is just, I think so
when Fast Eddie's sitting there clocking
him and he's just playing by himself.
I can't remember.
Anyway, I think Mary Elizabeth
Pastor Antonio's In Color of Money too.
There's not a lot of other lyrics other than
One More Night in this song. That's all you need.
We feel it. It is a soft ass
rocking song. He's sitting by the phone the whole song. One more night in this song. That's all you need. We feel it. It is a soft ass rock and song. He's sitting by the phone.
The whole song.
One more night.
Just one more night.
Check it out though.
One more night.
Just one more night.
That's not, just so everybody knows, that was not Phil Collins.
It wasn't.
It's crazy.
And it is.
The song was featured in the background during a scene in the 1986 film, The Color of Money.
All right.
Nice.
Vince, dude.
Green in house.
Great drafts, everybody.
I dug it.
Fantastic.
That was fun.
Just to recap.
David Bore, you went first.
You took Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton.
Up Where We Belong by Joe Cocker.
Walking in Memphis by Mark Cohn.
The Girl is Mine by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson.
Baby, I Love Your Way by Peter Frampton.
I went second.
I took What a Fool Believes by the Doobie Brothers.
Mikey Mix.
Africa by Toto.
Faithfully by Journey.
Superstar by The Carpenters.
Dust in the Wind by Kansas.
Bag secured.
Jule, you went third.
You took Sailing by Christopher
Cross. Lock it up.
Higher Love by Steve Winwood.
Lowdown by Boss Gags.
Black Cow by Steely Dan.
What the fuck? And then the Game of
Love by Santana featuring
Michelle Branch. Praise Jesus.
I like how you sprinkled that Nunu on it. That was good.
You went all over the board with this. You really did.
That was well rounded. Offense, defense board with this thing. You really did. You really – that was well-rounded.
It's got – Offense, defense, and special.
It's got something for everybody because sailing is like maybe the god of this genre.
But then you also went deep.
You took like the funky Steely Dan song, a Moscow.
It's a very – yeah.
Just wanted to let everybody know I'm here to win.
It's a fun team.
Yeah.
Sean Jordan, you went last and you took When a Man Loves a Woman by Michael Bolton,
Everything I Do by Bryan Adams,
Total Eclipse of the Heart by The Dan Band.
Straight to work.
Straight to work.
Get your lunch pails.
Glory of Love by Peter Cetera.
Oh, man.
One More Night by Phil Collins.
Oh, my God.
If we made that into a CD, Time Life would sell it.
Oh, hell yeah.
That would be great.
The Dan Band might have to come off.
They like the Dan Band.
We might have to slide Bonnie Tyler back on there.
We might have to escort Miss Tyler back into the premises.
That's a true story.
If we put the original back on, that compilation could drill its way to the center of the earth.
Absolutely.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Drill its way to the center of your ants.
I wonder what you guys left on the board.
The sound system. Dude. How can I live without you by Michael Drill its way in the center of your ants. I want to know what you guys left on the board. Sound system.
Dude.
How can I live without you by Michael Bolton?
Cats in the Cradle.
I had Sister Christian.
Oh.
Motor in.
How did that get left on the table?
That almost goes too hard.
That's what I felt like.
It's like.
Shit, I would have picked that up.
That might just be a rock song.
When it hits Motor in.
Yeah.
Because the Sister Christian part is great soft rock.
Sister Christian is a Motörn.
Never Gonna Dance Again.
What?
Oh, shit.
I'm surprised you didn't take that or Careless Whisper.
I know.
Careless Whisper seemed a little too R&B-ish.
It's got that saxophone, though.
Something that was like, I don't know.
Almost like Beautiful by James Blunt.
Oh, Tiny Dancer on here.
Oh, that'd be great. Keep on loving you, too. Mr. Jones. Yeah. Oh, Tiny Dancer on here. Oh, that'd be great.
Keep on Loving You, too.
Mr. Jones.
Yeah.
Oh, Mr. Jones.
I love that song, by the way.
Mr. Jones.
It's great.
I don't understand why people make so much fun of the Counting Grows.
That song rules.
And Adam Duritz did more with less than anybody else.
And think about the first time you heard that song.
You never heard a song like that.
He was like, it's like when Big Sean like stutter raps or like raps off beat.
Yeah.
He was like off beat kind of.
I love that shit.
I love that song.
They started something that then became hack and then people went back and didn't realize
that he was a pioneer.
Yeah.
Your Body's a Wonderland by John Mayer.
Yeah.
I want to put some Mayer on there.
But I wanted to, I was like, I don't know.
Respect to Santana.
Santana was the right choice.
I want to know what love is.
Is that REO Speedway again?
One thing that's fucking crazy
is that none of us took any Eagle songs.
And they are...
That is weird.
One of these nights?
I had that that peaceful easy feeling
damn dude uh yes they have some which one oh the long run we can know you baby we'll find out
in the long run oh that's a good song shit there was there was a lot. There was a lot of these, dude. The highest selling vinyl ever?
Yeah.
Eagle's Volume 2.
Yeah.
Highest selling vinyl ever?
Really?
Damn.
Yeah, when they came back with Hellfreeze is Over, it was huge.
I do remember that.
There's also a four-hour documentary on them that's kind of worth it.
Okay.
People Bryson I had on my board.
Oh, yeah.
Roberta Flack.
I had Aaron Neville, too.
I love Roberta Flack. The rare black soft rock artist we could have put tracy chapman in there i'm just thinking about lino
off my board i took him off i was like i just hello is like it's so i don't there was a couple
heard those songs too many times now drift away i, I didn't know if that would count Adobe Grey song
Oh yeah! And also Seals and Croft
The Summer Breeze
Summer Breeze
Oh that's a soft rock song
That's a big time soft rock song
Sledgehammer?
Is that soft?
It's on the edge
The song I was going to take, because it's meaningful
To me and Saints 2,
Carmel, is the song Lodi by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
I don't know it.
Well, I didn't think you guys would know it, so I didn't want to draft it.
But it's one of my favorites for sentimental reasons.
Okay.
Oh, Lord, I'm stuck in old Lodi again.
It's good.
It's almost more folk rock than soft rock.
Anyway.
Yeah, mission accomplished. There are our picks.
Make sure you add us on Twitter with your picks.
We love seeing them.
Everybody's fantastic. Keep tweeting. Keep doing
all that. It's dope. I'll put up a poll for this one.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Probably.
Shout out to all our listeners. Shout out to everyone on
Twitter, on Instagram, on the AFE subreddit.
And I
think that about wraps her up.
So make sure you tune in again next
week for another brand new episode of
All Fantasy Everything.
Everything I do
should clackety for you.
I knew you wouldn't blow it.
I knew you'd come with something. that was a hit gun podcast