All Fantasy Everything - Sparkling Water (w/ Hayes Davenport, Sean Clements)

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

It's a Hollywood Handbook crossover!Guests:Hayes Davenport (X @hayesdavenport, IG @hayesdavenport)Sean Clements (X @seanclements, IG @seanclements)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting Sparkling Water. Our guests today are Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And with me, as always, is my good friend and stand-up comedian, Sean Jordan. David Borey, currently in an undisclosed location in Bolivia. Let's get into it.

Welcome to All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that was having a, I would say a laid back conversation about protein bars right before this started. I don't know. Sean Jordan felt pretty intense about it. It wasn't laid back at all. He was humming for RX bars. He actually was. He put them on the rack they're gross have we done those they haven't sponsored the show in five years we haven't done haven't done a protein bar we haven't done a protein bar draft and now i'm finding out

information i i'm questioning my decision to do not just a podcast with sean a life of friendship yeah i hear you man man. I got opinions. Now, I couldn't help but notice in the intro, you said sparkling waters. Yes. Slash seltzers. Slash seltzers. I noticed that as well. I say seltzer.

Just wondering. That's called a cliffhanger. Just wondering. I didn't want to get too far in. What do you say when you order it? Like you're at a bar or something. Do you ask for a seltzer? Do you ask for a sparkling water? I say club

soda. At a bar, a club soda is usually the go-to, huh? That's what it says on the gun. Yeah. I like a gun. I like a gun, Phil. I'm finding in a lot of, like on an airplane, if you ask for one or t'other, if you'll grant me the

freedom to sort of turn that into one word, they're t'other, if you'll grant me the freedom to sort of turn that into one word there, t'other, I get different things. Sometimes they are going to differentiate for you, so that's why I do say club soda as my default. If you want specifically a club soda, because you asked for a sparkling water, you're going to get something entirely, at least on Delta.

They just throw coffee in your face? They slap you. They hit you with a Bible. Flying back from Tampa and this woman doing the cart she like had to pull a little far back and the person in front of me she's like i have a huge favor huge favor and she just had him reach in and grab a couple sprites for whoever she couldn't reach you know and then she's like all right since you did that reach down in the alcohol drawer and grab as many as your hand can fit and he didn't want to drink you could see him he's He's just like, I'm good. And she's like, get in there, get as many as you need. And he

grabbed out four huge bottles, a huge, but huge for four in one hand bottles of wine. He just held him kind of up and he's like, does anybody want these wines? It was crazy. I'd never. What airline were you on? American. And I was in the back like, I want the wines, but I don't want to be like, yeah, give me all four of those. I was inches away from being able to do what he did. That is so American, though, that level of access. That gluttony, right? He didn't

earn that. I mean, they really lived up to that airline's name. It's the blow of leaving Tampa, too. Everyone needs something. That's an unfillable void. That's a void you couldn't even fill with RX bars. No matter how thick they are they try can we get back to rx bars for a second because they are thick but like and

they we're talking you have to grade them on a scale of protein what are we what are we weighing them against i mean like because like you're calling them gross i guess you like a cliff bar more i feel like they were a revelation in terms of being slightly less gross. I'm so stupid. I found out cliff bars are super high in sugar. I didn't know they were bad for you. I thought they were good for you. They're not. An RX bar is a little lower. I think it's a little closer to

healthy than maybe a cliff bar. A cliff bar is for scaling the face of a mountain, as they show you on the cover. It's right there. I don't know. I don't work out though. Like protein bars, they if you're trying to bulk, bro,

is that what you need a protein bar for? We're talking about bulking. Yeah, welcome back to the bulk cast. I'll bulk everything. Today we're drafting a mountain of chicken to eat. I just do cardio, bro. I'm a big cardio boy. The cardio boy, Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sean the microphone. Sean the rhymes. Yeah, I still hold big cardio boy. The cardio boy, Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.

Sean the microphone. Sean the rhymes. I still hold it, man. Buster rhymes. Am I the only one holding this thing? I'm the only one that holds the mic ever on any show. You have a mic stand? I got it.

You're holding yours? All right. Yeah, you can see them. No, I don't have a mic stand. I don't believe it. Well, there you go. So you're not even making a choice. This is the only thing.

I guess you could lay it down on the couch and then also lay down. Which I'd like to say, I think. Like I was dishing or prop it up on a, like an, like a John Grisham in the bathtub or something. Absolutely. I need both hands to podcast. Yeah. You'll see as we go on, I play the bongo drums a lot during this thing. So I definitely need to stand.

It's the, it's the donkey congaongo drums, too, just to be specific. Sean, where... Isaac, first of all, when does this come out? We are woefully unprepared. Hello, all family. Interrupting Ian here from the future. We originally had this episode coming out last week, so Sean promoted the tour and nothing

else, but the tour is over, obviously. Thanks for coming out if you did. And so I'm going to cut around Sean and go straight to Hayes. Hayes Davenport is here at Hayes Davenport on Twitter. Is it also just at Hayes Davenport on Instagram? I got to check. It's been a while since I've thrown any content up there. Where can people find you? I got to check. It's been a while since I've thrown any content up there.

Where can people find you? Oh, gosh. I go to Gelson's pretty much every day. Which one? That's important. Which one? The Silver Lake one. I guess it's technically Los Feliz.

The one kind of right on the border. Across from Trader Joe's? Across from Trader Joe's. Yeah. You're at that Gelson's a lot. I saw there i saw bloodline there one time pretty good yeah you saw billions there i saw sneaky pete there nice you saw sneaky pete there yes yeah we were getting ready for super bowl sunday and we saw billions i'm about to knock y'all on your ass at the uh at the hollywood um like franklin village galsons i saw 24 Hollywood like Franklin Village Gelsons, I saw

24. Damn. Shopping for wine. He was in the wine aisle? Oh yeah. Oh my God. Must have just got back from Tampa too. He was buying a lot. Big bottles. Wolverine Claus with four bottles of Malbec there.

24, dude. Yeah, saw him. Yeah, that trumps it. I think that trumps. Is that the best person you could see at Gelson's? I kind of think it is. That'd be my number one. Jack Bauer himself?

Yeah, Jack Bauer himself. 24. Well, one, I'm starstruck. Two, I know I'm safe. Nothing's going down I felt pretty safe with Billions around I gotta be honest Axelrod is like seven feet tall

he is Band of Brothers that's what you have to remember about Billions and he's Dreamcatcher if you want to go deep I think he's Dreamcatcher too he's Dreamcatcher he's Homeland he's Homeland he's Wolf Hall we should have just attached ourselves He's dream catcher. He's Homeland. He's Homeland. Jesus.

He's Wolf Hall. We should have just attached ourselves. Why did we ever leave his side? We had it. We had it figured out. Are you pulling me towards the potato salad? I just assume he talks like a sketch on billions in real life. He's a method actor, right?

Smallest mouth in Hollywood, that guy. Him and Glenn Powell, they got tiny little mouths. Oh, yeah. Glenn Powell's up there on the tiny mouth right that is a tiny man he's he's really working the tininess of it too you know it gets so small he's making it so small that's what you need to make it in hollywood now is you need to be able to make your mouth so small where you're like i bet he just needs one cheerio and you saw him like when he was first starting out he actually had like a normal size mouth but that's what the business does to you you know it's like they make you just like small on it you get the pressure down procedure

he says he doesn't want to do franchises and with as small as that mouth is getting i just so i'm just i wonder what else you're gonna do yes yeah i just wonder if that's the case you feel bad that ho that Hollywood just chews you up tiny piece by tiny piece at a time and spits you out. Well, he can't chew almost anything. It's tiny. It's small. People chew it for him.

Dude, but he has that kind of money now. He is making half of it. He has chewers. Glenn Powell fucking rules, by the way. Glenn Powell's fantastic. I just, I don't want anyone thinking I'm not, I'd do anything for Glenn Powell. I don't even know the guy.

Oh, okay. So on the show show you do pretend to like Glenn Powell when we're recording you say you like him I'm just clarifying Isaac put air horns over everything everything except I fucking love Glenn Powell air horns over everything everyone said so far the entire podcast

this entire podcast he'd like us too I want to make sure i'm getting this term right yeah yeah i think he'd love us he follows me on twitter i do want to actually spend holy shit talking about that isaac specifically put airhorns over that part don't don't don't let me actually make sure that's still happening he's making a tv show based on an eli manning sketch yeah so it's like this guy's not gonna like a fantasy uh draft show he's probably getting all sorts of ideas from this i bet he's sitting there listening right

now like oh my god they're talking about me and they noticed how small i've gotten my mouth some of the some of the protein bar stuff we were saying is probably gonna be in the show that's gonna resonate heavily Nothing we could do about it. Dude, he's sitting across the desk from Bezos right now saying, and one character hates our X-bars. Wait, Chad Power's Power Bar. Chad Power Bar. Power Bar. Dude, it's all coming together.

I think consulting producer credits for the table. We got to get some kind of piece of this, right? I got to wet my beak. That'd be nice. Do you want a Hollywood handbook? Is there anything else you'd like to point people towards? We need all fingers pointing at Hollywood handbook right now. It's all hands on deck. Eight fingers and two thumbs, baby.

We need everyone to clap. It's an emergency. We need everyone to clap we need everyone to clap for uh for our yes podcasts please clap your hands because every time the podcast drops we're gonna get people coming out banging pots and pans we're banging pots and pans for hollywood hands exactly we did we did the whole neighborhood to get out not just at the window i want you to come out in your driveway and do it because Let them hear it. How long did y'all do that?

I did it for like three weeks. You did pots and pans? For like three weeks. Wow. I didn't do any pots and pans. God, if you were still going. Oh, that's cool. Oh yeah. Not everyone's still doing it. So that's fine. You know, a lot of people just your schedule can get crazy, but actually.

He's sick. Sean, it lasted, Jordan, Sean Jordan lasted three weeks until he figured I was a scamdemic. And at that point, sort of stopped the pot. Oh dude, I got some stuff. I got some links, bro. You gotta, you gotta look at some of these links that my buddy sent me. Sausage and Hyper. He's got them all.

There are so many people doing it in my neighborhood. It was, you just realized there are no health workers actually living here everyone is pretty loud everyone is is just cheering no one is there to receive the cheers yeah just a bunch of just a circle of applause and no one in the middle yeah there. There's no one on stage. It's just an audience. Silence by John Cage, but for first responders. Sean, now I'm in my head. Clements? It's not Clements. Yeah, I just say Clements, you know.

But you're a Carmel. Like, I get it. I'm a Carmel, so I get my own head about it. I'm a second syllable guy and we are I just say Clements but it's not wrong I don't correct anyone because when I went to my family reunion as a teen up in Canada they all said

Clements they're doing Clements up there I wouldn't have even thought it was Clements until Ian said it no I wouldn't yeah and I still don't I still think they're wrong interesting I don't correct anyone but think they're wrong. Interesting. I don't correct anyone. Call me a fucking

asshole. It's at Sean Clements on Twitter. Spit on me. Spit in my mouth. Spit on me. Spit on me. Put out a cigarette on my chest. Dude, please. I'm begging you. CharlieXCX, hit me with your car. I'm young, dude. I'm begging charlie xcx hit me with your car right that's i'm young dude

you're young kids listening yeah we're really everyone out here is pretty young now i'm 40 i'm 42 42 every day of 42 no sir dude no sir 24 you're fucking jack bauer dude you're so i was at gelson's one time man yeah uh i watched all of 24 all of it fucking incredible i re-watched i re-watched it like two years ago the revival season with um the guy i didn't re-watch from straight out of compton no i didn't see that how was canon i started it i started it but i didn't finish it. Which straight out of Compton guy was in it? My life is so busy. It was Dre. Corey Hawkins.

Oh, Corey Hawkins. He had a moment, right? What's happening in that moment? We just talked about it. We just went all the way through it. Did you go deep on Corey Hawkins? A whole moment straight out of Compton. Just now.

24 legacy. Four of us here. We covered it. We just actually did. The moment has been explored exhaustively. Okay, in my mind, Dr. Dre is going, Andre Young is going through headshots like they used to and he's just like, no, no, no.

And he lands on Corey Hawkins. He's like, it's like looking in a mirror. Do you think anyone behind him was like, Oh, yeah, boss. He looks just like you, boss. I mean, you're hotter. He's a oh, yeah, boss. Oh, yeah. He looks just like you, boss. I mean, you're hotter. He's a dead ringer, boss. He's like a schlubby you, but yeah.

It would be really humble if you had him play you, actually. We're never going to find someone as handsome as you, but this guy's got some of your essence. I mean, Jason Mitchell looks exactly like Eazy-E. And then O'Shea, dude, obviously, Ice Cube's son. And then, Corey, it's so funny because you're just like, come on, man. Even the Suge Knight guy, you're like, sure. Who? Not LaVell Croft.

Jesus. Lakeith Stanfield playing Snoop. It's all like spot on. And then Dre, you're just like. Paul Giamatti as Eminem? That's who he was, right? He played Eminem. Billions. other billions.

Double billions. Sean Clement, Sean Langhorne Clements, is there anything you would like to point people towards other than Hollywood Handbook, which we're all pointing towards? I got it. I also need both fingers pointed at Hollywood Handbook. Get in there. I mean, I guess the flagrant ones is also at a Hollywood handbook. Get in there.

I mean, I guess the flagrant ones is also part of Hollywood handbook. That's sort of our basketball podcast. And that's also the name of the Patreon that we have that's on life support. When this comes out, I would like to congratulate the Boston Celtics. Wow. Call them the shot yes on their championship success six games what are we thinking five games

can we get one where he does Dallas Mavericks let's go ahead and get both of those Isaac let's get them both I'd like to congratulate the Boston Celtics on being so brave even though they lost just to play in the finals yes that's a successful season just to get

there you should be proud of that 2019 wishing they were doing that I want to congratulate Jalen Brown on being underrated again even though he frequently shows up on second and third team all NBA yeah not this year conference finals MVP not this year one of the biggest

contracts in mvp yeah not this year yeah i think uh he's the highest paid player this past season i think he was the highest paid player in the nba yeah super underrated he's used to it super underrated jaylen brown thoughts and prayers obviously to christophe's poor zingas's family Pairs, obviously, to Kristaps Porzingis' family. Tease and peace. They help. They help. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram, all those places, YouTube, TikTok, anywhere I can try to gain even just a slight foothold of traction.

By now, my book, T-Shirt Swim Club, is out. Thank you for making, are we calling shots? Thank you for having it just miss out on the New York times bestseller list, which is an email I expect to get from the publisher, even though just missing out probably means it came in around 134, but Oh my God, we did it.

I don't like hearing you say that. I'm going to stop you dead in your tracks. I don't like hearing you say I'm stuck, be dead in your tracks. It's going to number one and I'll have nothing else. Well, that now it's going to hurt so bad and be embarrassing when it's absolutely not. Shouldn't be.

You wrote a book, man. You've written more books than I've read in the last three years. Do you get to pick your category? Like, you know, like for the globe, sometimes you can massage it a little bit. Like, yeah, we're a musical or comedy. Yes. Like, oh, OK, with this star. And yeah, it's harder to category fraud it

uh the publisher picks all that so i i think they can but it's it's i think i'm going into like memoir i think it says somewhere on here i have no you know what i have no idea i was excluded from those conversations you've written your memoir it technically is a memoir so i think it might go is it saying yeah it doesn't say hey you know paul sheer tilled the soil for you you know what i mean he did that's why just in time you didn't want to be there's a freight train at the same time you don't want to be up against that publicity yeah yes he comes through and then you're in the little car that pumps up and down he's kind of made everyone aware of books now people are people books are books are books having a moment i think that's what you know his will be the big picture and then mine i know what they are now me and then i think probably the sun also rises in the lower everyone's doing it

wait a minute everyone's writing books now uh buy t-shirt swim club but don't make sean jordan seem like a liar my beautiful wonderful supportive friend get it where it needs to be come on the man wrote a book people people are into it if you listen this podcast i've talked about it enough uh come see us on the road i'm not doing shit this i'm not doing shit this summer so i have nothing to shit this summer. So I have nothing to promote. Cool. I don't think anyone. Yeah.

Pretty cool. I'm going to come down and hang out in July at some point. Bookstore section too? Publisher chooses that? Or does the store? Oh, I feel like the store can override it, but I think the book publisher comes with suggestions. That's why you got to get in with the stalkers, the shelf I'm going to Skylight

who controls your fate I'm going to Skylight with an atypical haircut I'm going to Chevalier's with a small dog there's a big St. Bernard there named Queenie I know Queenie you're gonna wanna sort of get in with Queenie's mom

and she can set you up like out in front she makes the trains run on time Yeah, so you're going to want to sort of get in with Queenie's mom, and she can set you up like out in front. She makes the trains run on time. Her and Queenie. I feel like Queenie probably owns that book. It's the biggest St. Bernard you've ever seen in your entire life. I just got a weird ring at my doorbell, and our long guy's here.

Give me 30 seconds. Never mind, that was Max. Sorry, my wife just got home with my daughter and said that was Max. All right, perfect. Now I look responsible because I didn't know she was here, so now I look like, hold on, let me stop working for a second. Go check what's going on at the house. Boots on the ground, Jordan.

I just wanted to slide that in there. We got a lot of... Sorry to ring the doorbell. It's an emergency. I want him to get paid. I feel like a jerk if he's expecting to get paid. That's right. Well, this is how he gets paid.

You're doing your work right now. If you don't do this, he doesn't get paid. You know what I mean? God, I'm stupid. I should have thought of all that. That's on me. I feel like I'm getting uglier every second, too. Things are going downhill.

Ugly, untoward, uncouth. Surly, yeah, rude. Rudeard uncouth surly yeah rude rude uncouth all of it ill-mannered ill-tempered ever jump on that piano behind you i jump on it sometimes yeah i would like you to record a whole podcast sitting at the piano just occasionally you don't do that like a storyteller type thing yeah yeah no i can't play it then max will come in here she's already at the door like a like a bloodhound she type thing. Yeah. No, I can't play it. Then Max will come in here. She's already at the door like a bloodhound. She can smell

like when something's going on that she's not supposed to be a part of. She just wants to like be around it. Max, this is adult Velociraptor. Yeah. John Jordan does Velociraptor.

Maxine Claus. We are not here to talk about Velociraptors. We're going to talk about Sparkling Waters. We're going to fantasy draft them. And the way we determine the order of that fantasy draft

is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. We throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, three scissors. Here we go again.

We got to re-roll it. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, okay. So it's an unnatural victory The odd person out wins a rock against two paper That's how that works Oh yeah it flies in the face of God Sean's bad wifi really coming in handy on this one

It did Like aggressive cheating But then you tied with the first one I was like well he's really good at cheating Sean you are As the winner of rock paper scissors It is incumbent upon you to determine the winner of rock paper scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft.

But before you do that, I want to let you know, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? I'll let you know what it is. David doesn't understand it. It's been 380 episodes. He still doesn't get it.

And I, so it's like an animal. He's off taking an intensive about it right now. He is. In Bolivia, they offer a class on it. It's like an animal that can't decide if it wants to cross the street or not so i was pretty proud of this one so it's like a squirrel runs across almost all the way to the left side of the street and then just kind of stops for a minute and then runs back to the right side and kind of stops for a

minute and then back to the left side just kind of waffles back and forth but spending a little time on each end before they go back and forth. Somehow there are still questions in your mind about how this works. If you pick fourth in the first round, that means you pick first in the second round. So it's like a serpentine draft, sometimes called the snake draft. And the way we explain it is we describe it as a squirrel.

It's a squirrel draft, actually. We're hoping if there's one takeaway from today's episode. I have dug down to the catacombs of explanations, and for some reason, people still don't understand it. So I'll keep explaining until everyone who listens to this show understands it. I'm going to keep explaining a different way every single week. That's my word. Squirrel draft.

Okay. Squirrel draft. And we're going to get to... Oh, wait, no. Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's squirrel draft be all right let me put my man hayes in the one spot okay all right leading off i don't want that kind of pressure it's a lot and also this is a deep draft it is a deep draft it is a deep draft no it isn't yes draft. No, it isn't. Yes, it's a pretty deep draft. Sparkling waters and seltzers.

I know. Yeah, we'll see. We're going to get. I'm going to get together. And so I'll go. Hayes one. I'll put Sean to Ian three. I'm going to be the caboose, but I get to go twice.

You're on that hot corner. You got the turn. Much like a squirrel running across the street almost exactly the same back-to-back picks i just really trust my ability to find value in the later rounds yeah yeah yeah there are a lot i mean i've got one well i don't want to give i don't want to tip my hand but strategy going into this i've got like one heavy hitter that i'm going to feel i have such a clear number one i was really worried about it being gone. It's not going to be, but we're going to get to that

first pick. Clear number one right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country. You figure

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do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule 35.co that's 15% off at schedule 35.co and use promo code all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy. Everything. The only podcast that has ever existed, except of coursellywood handbook and the flagra ones by the time this comes out it might be the only one it might be the only one we don't we're not hoping for that but we are prepared in case of emergency we gotta be realistic about it we have to be real last forever yeah they don't no no no no no we shine bright and burn out fast welcome to episode 384 isaac how many episodes is this of all fantasy everything i think this is 393 we're almost at

400 you guys are like 500 something deep right we might have passed No, we're not past six. Six is coming up in the fall. Right, right, right. Dude, Never Not Funny is on like 3,400. Douglo's Movies is what, like 1,700 or 1,800 something? Yeah. They can go, baby. They can go. Yeah, I guess we suck.

It did feel pointed. You brought that up right after we were sort of celebrating how long that's impressive I don't know never enough funny there's a couple asterisks you're saying you can't do 2500 more I don't know I see longevity in all this I think it's fun I love doing this I think they can

go as long as you want who gives a shit well that's a great attitude if you keep that who gives a shit attitude you'll go really far in the podcasting world i've been i've been known to have a good attitude the answer is not that many people yeah our central tenant as a podcast is who gives a shit and i think it i think it's been working yeah it's been working well the one thing we do give a shit about though sparkling water i'm nervous slash seltzer slash seltzer. Slash seltzer.

Hayes, you have the first pick. I'm going to use my platform a little bit here. I have such a powerful relationship with sparkling water. I am concerned now, like many of us, I think, have we gone so far into this that we have health concerns now about

sparkling water? My dentist gave me a little talking to. I have also now gotten my one-year-old on it. Oh, wow. My kids don't drink bubbles. First couple times, it was a little hot,

she said. I've heard spicy as the adjective as well my adult wife has the same complaint is that sparkling water is a little too especially if it's cold it's a little too spicy that's that then this is part of why we go to gelson's every day because you can get a cold sparkling water that you can't really get at the trader joe's across the street and so like this is, she needs one for the way home. Daddy needs one as well. But my brand,

this is the brand I grew up with still the King. As far as I'm concerned, it is now available in California on the West coast years. Yes. Sean knows my number one is we're going polar seltzer. Yeah, dude, big bubbles, lots of of bubbles high fastball

the standards are excellent i think of cranberry lime for some reason is like the main one and like those are all like the lime is great all the uh all the all the standards are good i like the ginger lime one the ginger lime mule that's like a new which does have a bit of like a alcoholic kick

I don't know exactly how they do that yeah there's no alcohol in it obviously but there is some sort of like bite to the flavor that makes you feel like you're being a little bad. It does a little bit. It does.

You're like, how do they get all this flavor into the end? Zero zero everything. It's putting up zeros across the board. And this is actually a distinction I wanted to before we get too far into this. It doesn't change my pick. Yeah. Are we allowing a splash? I think we should allow a splash because I think these are,

I think there are some, there are some things that have a splash that are closer. That's always my thing. Like I never sold that. These have nothing in them. Like zeros across the board. And it makes me feel like the stupidest I can feel. Cause I'm like,

I just don't, I don't, I don't believe it when I'm drinking it. Like, there's no way. I don't know either. They all say Essence on the back, where I'm like, is there going to be an expose? That's not real.

And then you get like your dentist telling you something, and you're like, mm-hmm. But that's the bubbles. That's the bubbles. The bubbles will chew on you, especially some of the big ones, like Polar's bringing. But they have summer flavors they have winter flavors most of those aren't available outside of massachusetts as far as i know they're from worcester which is where toll booth willie is from actually who's told welcome to worcester i don't know he's from there he welcomes you there he's the guy who

welcomes you to worcester yes he is actually is actually. Yeah, he is. You know, Tollbooth Willie? I don't know Tollbooth Willie. He's from Worcester. Oh, you've got to get up on Tollbooth Willie. Good head. He used to be. He moved out here. He moved out here. He had sort of a moment in the 90s,

and he ended up moving out here. Oh, from the Adam Sandler album. Yeah, that's sort of how he became famous. And then he was like, you got to come out to i guess he is on that album i'm a bigger fan of his later work polar is i noticed you really deflected away from sparkling water criticism there hayes in a way that says maybe you're in their pocket maybe you're in their pocket uh i i god i would love to be i i would have said i in in college i had a wall of polar cans they're nice cans too i like the solid color different color for each

flavor you've got a cool look yeah it is a good look it's a quality it's a look of quality but it's also not up its own ass you know some of these sparkling water packaging which i think we'll get into in the later rounds, where it's like, you're doing too much. What is this branding? I still like the product, but calm down a little bit. Polar, they're letting the water speak for itself. There's a little polar bear on there. Small

enough, evocative of a cold refreshing sip. How long they've been around? To me, and I'm new to the sparkling water game, I really, I was against it the sparkling water game, I really... I was against it for some... Not against it. I just couldn't handle it.

But to me, it feels like they've all only been around like five or 10 years or something. And I have to be wrong. That's in LA. So they showed up at... Also a local family Massachusetts business, CBS, was the only West Coast purveyor for a while. But they've been... I you know i feel like their

main logo has like a horse-drawn carriage in it or something this is like an 1800s 1882 i'm just looking it up right now 1882 yeah sparkling water pre i think even predates soda before soda once they figured out they could put bubbles in something they were like god i feel stupid this is the future and they were right why did i do the order this way man they got seltzer junior flavors i'm getting scared now you don't have to be scared i'm just looking i'm realizing there's two that i just really want i was nervous uh i just knew it wouldn't be there when it comes back to me and no polar's not back polar's for a talent for sure i mean if there when it comes back to me. Polar, no. Polar's not making it back. Polar's perfect for a talent for sure.

I mean, if it got to me, I probably would have taken it. My wife still. I have two picks. I'm excited. After all this time with me, she calls it Polar Spring sometimes. Oh, no. I got to get out of here. Because Poland Springs is.

You idiot. I just got to. Oh, my God. That's so fucking stupid. I just have to go for a walk. I got gotta. Oh my god, that's so fucking stupid. I just have to go for a walk. I gotta go for a walk. Polar going first. Fantastic flavors. Big, bold American bubbles.

Summer in a can. That's a hot one. That's a spicy one. Power. Yes. Sean Jordan, you were nervous you you enter this draft with trepidation in your heart and a short and a short bench with the first pick also

I hate it when I get when I feel like I'm completely out of my element like why I've seen you take down sparkling waters baby you have I so I just this for me I'm'm going to go simple. This is why I picked it. I like the way they look a lot.

And the fun flavors. I'm going to go Waterloo. Wow. Wow. Early for Waterloo. I thought that would be available for me. I did too. I think you're right.

I was like, oh, this is kind of my sneaky pick towards the end because Waterloo has some great flavors. And it does have a nice looking package. And the fun. Yeah, just the fun. I don't know. It feels like I'm drinking a soda or something. It does feel like Soda Pop.

That's what you're talking about. When you say there's got to be something in here, you're talking about Waterloo. It's a little too much for me. Well, you can't have all these berries on one can and be like, there's nothing in there. Yeah, there is. It's got to be. Because they have the summer berry flavor, which is, I don't know if it's out all the time, but it's definitely out right now.

And I saw it at Whole Foods 365 on Glendale. On Glendale. Also the sort of Silver Lake, Los Feliz, the Jason one. In stock there. My house is full of waterloo right now not a criticism because i do think it's a good sparkling water in fact a strange criticism the flavor haze you might have been alluding to this does come in a little thick sometimes it's too a little suspicious i'm looking it can be like a watermelon one or something is like maybe too

sweet for me. See, I like the flavor. I gravitate towards ginger flavored ones. And that one, their ginger lime has something about it that doesn't quite hit. But some of the other ones, some of the more basic flavors. They have like the blackberry lemonade is off the chains. It's the lime, just straight up lemonade is off the chains it's their lime just straight up like sure i've heard people say that if you want to know if an ice cream place is good you go and you get vanilla because anybody can do the razzle dazzles right anybody can give you a razzle dazzle but you go in can this place do a vanilla cone that's the

true market quality and for me it's in a sparkling water. It's a lime. Can you just do, can you give me a good lime and Waterloo? Their lime is great. Their lime is good. Their lime is good. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of essence,

a lot of essence, essence fest. It's a big essence fest. That's the real essence fest. That's the real essence fest. We're on girls trip. I will say, okay, so we were talking about the sparkling waters getting into like the This Tastes Like Booze game.

Waterloo is making a big effort. Again, based on my recent jaunt to Whole Foods 365. Because I got a bunch of Pinot Colada. Where it's there like coconut, but it's supposed to taste like a Pinot Colada. And they had a few other ones. Again, it's a little little the flavor's a little suspicious it's a little again like it it makes me think an expose is coming about waterloo at some point where it's like actually this was full of sugar totally or sugar something unregulated

like kratom yeah yeah exactly i did because what the fuck is it what is essence what is the essence that they put in these things that makes them take illegal i'm saying i'm never gonna believe it i'm fully ready like all these companies are getting together in a dark cave somewhere and saying hey there's this invention we can't let the fda know about it we know about it because if the fda finds out we just got to make as much money as we can build our bunkers in new zealand and by the time people get wise to it we're already safe in like 50 years they're just going to make as much money as we can build our bunkers in New Zealand. And by the time people get wise to it, we're already safe. In like 50 years, they're just going to be in movies. You just be watching a movie.

Can you believe doctors used to drink that in the office? They just sit and drink it right in front of the. That's what I'm afraid of. It'll be the doctor lighting up the cigarette and mad men will be just be cracking open a seltzer. Videos of videos of Theo Vaughn drinking Celsius Will be like Our dog Draper Coughing into a handkerchief In later seasons

Pregnant ladies just shopping around Drinking Waterloo We'll be watching like Drink the wine! The wine is so much better for you No I mean yeah sure It's fun to joke this is a comedy podcast i'm fully ready for some shit like that like didn't they say deli meat gives you cancer not that long ago i don't know what's going everything does there was something about the yeah like one of the ingredients in some of the sparkling waters that was bad and also that like

the secret ingredient that gives a lot of flavor comes from like beavers anal glands everyone aware of that i've been sucking on beaver i wouldn't mind that one years old i'm from well no that's that but that's real like that's like there's some actual thing right that that's what i was told yeah i mean i don't know if it's an ingredient but somebody it was somebody who took you aside on a street though right it wasn't it wasn't any sort of journal it was just like yeah i was out i i mean i guess i asked some pretty leading questions that made it clear that i wanted to get that answer just not not willing to leave the store like what's in this you could shoot me straight it's fever ass juice right anal gland stuff anal gland stuff tell me level with me come on i'm in here all the time it's me it's your

buddy you know me who am i gonna tell look at me it's sean tell me i'm not gonna bring it up on all fantasy everything come on we're not even drafting sparkling waters we're having power bars uh it's an excellent pick sean jordan waterloo thank you good time for my first pick i'm going something that has barely dipped its toes into the flavor game though it has dipped its toes into the booze game but it's uh-oh its presence in the sparkling water universe to me is dominant singular and and just a delight i'm taping topo chico that's my number one that's my number one i i shouldn't i couldn't go for i knew it was going to be gone for sure topo chico is my number one for certain that's what i have in my house it's really the only one that I consistently buy.

In ice cold in the glass bottle? Yeah. That is a tight bubble. That is a tight, fast bubble. I'll drink it not cold. Like, it's that good to me. The bubbles are that powerful that I don't need it to be ice cold

to enjoy it. Like, it's really, any way you serve it, it's going to be a winner. It throws heaters. I don't understand. That's another thing that I don't understand. I would love, if any of you listeners are a sparkling water expert of some kind,

let us know about these flavors. Let us know the bubble discrepancy. Where does that come from? Why is Tapo Chico such a different bubble than say a Waterloo? The carbonation level or something? Yeah. How do they do they do is it like how they jack it up with the carbonation i don't it really is as simple as um you know how you're doing the soda stream and it goes yeah it's like the more you make it give a like a high pitch scream, that's it.

That's like gouging like a duck to get foie gras. So it's just stuff. So that maybe isn't unethical. If we ever find out the water has some sort of sentience. Yes. You can turn the carbonation up and down. How do you get a foie gras? What do you do? You get basically like a rod and you like ram stuff down a goose's

or a duck's throat food you try to make it you force feed ducks yeah you force feed it so they get a big fatty liver holy buckets i didn't know that delicious though delicious the jam that they serve with it is usually more ethical which makes me feel better let me update my big board here capo chico i just let you're right flavors the twist of lime is so good the grapefruit is great it's so subtle sometimes you do want the waterloo sometimes you're like i want i'm craving a soda let me get something that's a little bit close sometimes you just want the fuck pure delight of a top tier sparkling water. I just love them. I love,

I love the idea of being hot outside, taking one forehead and then cranking it open. I love that you need an opener. You've got a top of Chico. They have no cans now too, don't they? Yeah. I saw some today.

I had not seen that yet. I love the glass bottles though i love the glass bottle i've i've been to costco and seen a plastic bottle topo chico and i just want to say two and i've bought one at the albertsons on hillhurst i got the plastic bottle once and it's okay i mean it's still a superior sparkling water but the experience of drinking it is not the same it's different it's just different in the plastic bottle. It really is. Topo Chico, you were always going to go in the first round.

Now, I've always said Topo. I do, too. The number of times that you've said Topo, I do have to deal with. I think it's Topo Chico, Topo Gijo. Topo Gijo. Yeah. Topo Gijo. Topo Gijo. Yeah. Topo Gijo. We have a model for this word already.

This structure exists. But it's not Topo the morning to you. That's true. Okay. All right. That's interesting. Yeah. Just one thing for us to maybe.

Never heard of a Demi Tractor trailer. Topo Chico, famously an Irish product. Is it not? Is it? Yeah. Am I imagining the apostrophe? So, so I,

I, I get to go now. Yes, you do. Twice. And I, and I'm going to, and it crossed the road.

Was Topo Chico disappearing, upsetting? Would my other picks still have been here if I had been in the three spot or even the two spot? I genuinely thought, and I'm just going to get this out of the way now and people can use this however they want. I thought somebody would be into what I consider to be the absolute trash, which is Perrier and Pellegrino, which don't get them near me. They are parading as fancy and superior products and to me the bubble to water ratio is despicable it should never be served there are restaurants where it's like i'll ask for club soda and

they'll be like well we'll give you a bottle of perrier and i'm like no give me the fucking gun the real one put it in my mouth and pull the trigger. Go get that shotgun off the mantel. Yeah. Send me to Valhalla. Because I want the carbonation. I want the bite. And to that end, I'm not dead here. There is a, I'd like to turn the clock all the way back.

Now, this is similar to Hayes. This is primarily an East Coast product. It is difficult to find on the way back. Now, this is similar to Hayes. This is primarily an East Coast product. It is difficult to find on the West Coast. I have actually even ordered it to be shipped to me before. But it's a brand. It's a tried and true brand that we all are familiar with in some form.

There are neighbors to the north. They are Canada Dry. Oh, baby. Canada Dry. The mandarin orange and the lemon lime are both excellent. The standard plain seltzer is excellent. Big bubbles, super refreshing. When I lived in New York, I would stop into a bodega on my way home every night and grab one of those big bottles of mandarin orange seltzer put it next to my bed and drink it throughout the evening and so i think like that's a special one

to me i'm happy to have it as my first pick uh people have opinions on canada dry it's never the one i grab you know it's good yeah i'm curious about it if i'm in like a new york store and it has because i like polar and i'll get polar here yeah and it has polar and canada dry i actually will lean canada dry i think the the coldness and the bubbliness is actually even stronger and i um i miss it but they have cans the The cans are good, really good. The big bottles are also good. Like I'll take it both ways. There's three different flavors I like.

It's good. It has very much been the big plastic bottle. And for me, it's a vodka of sitting down. I'm going to play a video game for seven hours and I've got like two of these and I'm going to be drinking and burping my way through balder's childhood yeah yeah that's what it feels like satisfying belch no it's good yeah yeah settle your tummy down so canada dry number one i'm looking at these cans

those look delicious by the way i don't think i've seen these cans in the wild but they do look i like the color scheme on there no it's it's really nice um i i love and of course people have had their ginger ale and stuff they they do a good job um something i'm curious about with to do a taste test but canada dry sells a quote original sparkling water and they also sell club soda yeah so these are two different products soda is a different thing and i'll take the club soda oh you're gonna take the club soda of the two of the two canada dry club soda yeah club soda has a little salt that's what it is that's the difference keeps you coming back yeah get that out come on back get the hooks in smart it's smart

for a water to do it's just smart sure canada dry club soda i think it's a great pick feels like childhood to me i've taken canada dry that's me and maybe somebody goes oh that's childish this guy's not a grown-up this guy's not an adult this guy's not sophisticated he told me he doesn't like perrier and pellegrino so he can't possibly have a mature choice for his second pick. What if I told you that I am an adult man,

but inside I don't mind a little Boylan's? Boylan's? Wow. I don't even know what it is. Now that's only bottles, right? Boylan's goes bottles. Boylan's is a premium brand.

They're fancy. You'll find them in a nice deli or something. Yeah, you do. You find them in a hipster deli. Yes, you'll find them in a hipster deli. They'll have Boylan's. They got the lemon lime. They got the straight up normal.

And they also make like high sugar sodas. Like they make like very high and like throwback sodas. Yeah. But they have a seltzer and they carbonate it well. The glass bottle. You know, if I can't get a Topo Chico because someone's taking it off the board for me, I'm okay with the boilings. I'm looking. I've definitely dabbled in the soda

realm with their black cherries and their creams. Black cherry soda, yup. Yup, that shit goes. Good job. I love a Boylan's. I think this is a great pick. It's the kind of sparkling water you're going to find at, these are very specific LA references, but I imagine these exist everywhere.

Like at a Wine and Eggs or at a... You know, like those little sandwich places. They have it at Wine and Cheese. Yeah. Wine and Cheese. Right. The hipster, like the sort of the hipster LA bodega thing that I wonder if it's reverberated out to the rest of the nation.

I imagine it has. I feel like an Uncle Pauly's probably has Boylan's sodas. So when you go to the grocery store, there's like a soda section that has like Coke and Pepsi, et cetera. Jones and all that. There's a separate section that has Fever Tree and Boylan's and like that level. And this is just, we're operating in a whole different category from the traditional mass-produced sodas.

It's an echelon of both. There's some care put into it. It is funny when you find that other aisle and you're like, oh, all right, I'm not going to go hang. I'm not going to be in the Coke aisle anymore. I'm going to be over here

wearing home some mixers. It's a craftsman soda. Impress the family. It's a craftsman sparkle. The CEO definitely plays acoustic guitar. He'll play a modest mouth song for you on guitar.

Like, step on it during a board meeting. He doesn't care. Never-ending math equation. Shoes off. Just noodling it out as they talk about, you know, they're playing for the Southeast Corridor. He doesn't care. Never ending math equation. Shoes off. Noodling it out as they talk about, you know, they're playing for the Southeast Corridor. That's all right. And Sean, you have a draft

strategy already, which is like, you like soda specialists. You do. These are the first two that are, these are primarily soda. I mean, Canada Dry is a ginger ale brand. Like, that's what they're moving ginger ale.

And Boylan... Yeah. Doesn't mean that they're not... No, I mean, like, this is a certain kind of upside, you know? My ignorance will shine through later in the draft, but I mean, the first two picks, like, Boylan's... Because I want everything in the Boylan's family, so, yeah. To me, that's the best pick so far.

I come for my second pick. And I'm going to go, I have to go. Listen, I don't. This is out of respect. This is out of tradition. This is out of contribution to the game. You don't have to stick up for yourself, man. Say what you're going to say.

I hear you. I do. The entire point of this podcast. Stick over here. That's the entire point of this podcast. This is almost contributions to the game. Even if it's a little bit like stats before the leagues were integrated, it feels a little bit like I am taking LaCroix. Yeah.

Wow. Well, look, I think that's fine. They're going to come after you. I think they jammed themselves into the market. Yes. Yes. And honestly, They're going to come after you. I think they jammed themselves into the market. They yes. Yes.

And honestly, there's a world where if I had gotten like fully stuck, you know, in that last round, I might have even gone LaCroix just because you can rely on them. Yes, you can. They're there. You grab it. You pop it open. It's not a disaster. Now, is it a treat no unless you're talking about the curate uh version

apparently i haven't tried it yet apparently they have a cola flavor that's um that's excellent and i have something that i i i love i'm curious about yours, Ian. Controversy here. I am a coconut LaCroix enjoyer. Yeah, I think it's good. I agree. It's actually kind of fun to have one of those and just pretend I'm on an island somewhere. Feel the breeze.

Feel someone maybe braiding your hair. People go, it tastes like suntan lotion. And I go, well, suntan lotion smells like it would taste good. It does. Absolutely. It does. So then, like, why is that a knock? Obviously, I'm not going to drink suntan lotion, but I would if I could.

And LaCroix has said, you can. They delivered the promise of a dream. Wait a minute, I'm living in a dream world. Yeah. I like it. This is another one where I will drink. Like, I think their lime. I like it. This is another one where I will drink, like, I think their lime,

I think their lime is good. I think the lime LaCroix is just a solid innings eater of a sparkling water. It'll go out there. I'll drink nine of them. Can I say their biggest misstep? What happened with that key lime idea?

Oh, I totally disagree. I love it. You like the key lime? Yes, I prefer it to the lime. I thought the lemon lime was, like, solid, and then I was like, the key lime is too strange for i love it key lime i thought the lemon lime was like solid and then i was like the key lime is too strange for me their key maybe i don't have a sophisticated enough palette their key lime and their limoncello are from the same family which is like the the the

the fruit but also a little cream or something i don't know yeah like yeah there's a creamy element that i did not care for i mean i don't i'll go pure like i'll just take the pure strip and i like that they call it pure it's not called original they're going this one is pure like your body's a fucking temple treat it like one drink a pure lacroix it's more religious they do have a mojito they're getting involved in the the mock game. They go crazy. What is it? Passion fruit pear or something?

The guava Sao Paulo? Beach bum plum? Maybe. I think there's one. Yeah, there's some kind of one that's like What's pamplemousse? That's grapefruit. You're thinking peach pear, which is I do like that one. Peach pear is good, yeah.

Pamplemousse? Pample yourself. Have you... Have you had the cherry blossom flavor? I have. It tastes kind of oddly like chocolate. Yeah, it does taste like chocolate. I haven't quite been able to figure it out. For me,

and this is an incredibly washed thing to say, I would love to pour half of a pure into a cherry blossom and just dilute that flavor take it down half a step it's a little bit it's a little bit too much for me that cherry blossom it's a little bit insistent i totally agree but i do like what they're going for you and i just needed i just need to take it down half a notch. That really resonates with me. I'm a little bit insistent. I'll give you a factoid from my memory about LaCroix, which is I read a list of the best orange seltzers.

This was years ago now. The best orange-flavored seltzers. And top of the list was tangerine-flavored LaCroix. Uh-huh. Yeah. And I think that's right. I think the orange

tastes like really muted and watered down, but the tangerine has the more like citrusy bite. And I do enjoy that LaCroix. I wouldn't be surprised

if a company like LaCroix put out orange and just to be like, hey, this is a bit of a letdown just so they could say, but have you tried tangerine to really get people hooked on tangerine

now you know lacroix to me was like the first i think it was like the first one i ever unless we talk about way back which i will bring up later unless we talk about when i'm like five or six uh lacroix was the first one i ever saw in i think that i ever remember seeing and it was living with you in like 2016 that was the first time to me that like bubbly what all this stuff even ever existed i don't know if this is just going to be our experience just because it's sort of a self-selecting uh idea here but like it seemed to work its way into the popular culture via comedy show writers rooms yeah just television show writers that's like where i got it from the first time i had never heard of la croix and then when i went to work at workaholics there was just pallets and pallets of it and they were

sending those guys like shirts and hats and like la croix gear and like just like yeah they but they they were like this is a like this is a community of people who is going through massive amounts of like mini fridge. Yeah, just stress drinking. You can't drink soda that whole time. Shit's horrible for you. Like I used to work at call centers and you just sit and drink like five or six sodas every day. And especially if you're trying to be creative, you can't do that shit. So you got to have something. We were all in the exact same cohort that was targeted successfully.

Yeah. That all kind of decided not to drink soda anymore. At the same time, LaCroix was like a Midwestern brand. It was something that was out there. It's from La Crosse, Wisconsin. Right. And so it was like around. But when we stopped drinking sodas they they were right there they they

shoved this thing in our hands and it worked it worked it worked 100 there's another pick that i think we're going to talk about later that this is also a soda specialty company by the way this is fago it's the fago fago makes lacro like it. Now it's my favorite. If they make Shasta too, if I would have known that, I'm from South Dakota, if I would have known that, I would have picked them. I should have dug in. I should have dug in a little bit, baby.

You think I didn't go to an ICP show and get Faygo sprayed all over me and never wash the shirt until I had to throw it away about three years later? I sure did. I had a friend who did that with a towel that the macho man Randy Savage washed himself dry with, and he had it in a mini fridge in his room.

Yeah, if you just keep it in the fridge, it's okay. It's not going to get gross. It's being refrigerated. It was molding, and he was like, you want to see it? I'm like, no. By the way, you show it to me every time I come over. Still looks the same. Shout out to Tommy Layton.

Sean Jordan, time for your second pick. Again, pardon my ignorance in this topic, but I'm going for me what I like. And I don't know where this lands on the on the scale of if it's good or not. But I like it. And also the fun flavors. The packaging isn't amazing, but I like the fun flavors. I'm going to do that Good & Gather. Do you get a Target?

Yeah. Okay. I like Good & Gather as a brand. Because you can get fruit cocktail and acai. I don't know. It's fun. It's colorful. And I enjoy it.

Again, as a rookie to the sparkling water game. To me, I love it. I get it all the time i like that i like oh i've seen that i've never purchased this one for myself i do very little because it looks next to all the things that i get their water sometimes too uh you know gutter they're not doing themselves any like huge favors with the that g that that lowercase g it just doesn't look like it's i don't know the packaging leaves something to be desired. Yeah, it's just a Target-specific brand, and I have respect for them.

Cucumber mint sounds nice. I'm seeing a peach bellini flavor here. That's what I'm saying. They have tropical cherry fruit cocktail, like an acai one. I don't know. They're really fun to me. I enjoy them. I don't know if you guys do this, but'll have like six or seven different flavors and kinds at all so i can just

kind of pick what i want i don't i'm not really like a brand loyalist i go nuts like this isn't like nike and adidas like i'll wear i'll i'll have three of these three different kinds in the car at one time you wear that beer can helmet and you'll have two different sparkling waters up i when i go when i go running every day that's what i when you go running and just insane chemistry happening in your mouth almost at all times like it used to be dr pepper before lacroix got to me is what i say still jogging the only brand i'm crazy loyalty really is is topo chico like that's like yeah i feel like we were early on on them. Like I was drinking it before it was everywhere. And so I do feel like that's my little indie band that blew up. That's like me with Pete Yorn and, you know, just like kind of before anybody knew who he was.

Yeah, that's exactly right. So I have a lot of love for them. But otherwise, you're looking for that experience. Nothing else. Like, frankly, if I if I'm just want of sparkling water in the LaCroix universe, I'm just as happy with the Waterloo. And I am saying it like the dude from Blackberry, Waterloo, where the vampires hang out.

I'm happy with the Polar. But if I want a Topo Chico. There you go. Topo. If I want a Topo Chico, There you go. I'm going to warn it to you. Topo. If I want a Topo Chico, that's the only thing that'll do. Good and gather. Do you buy groceries at Target too?

I will. So if it's raining out, I'll go to Target to get my steps in and I'll just walk around. I do this. I walk every single aisle just up and down. And then,

Isaac, can you hear that lawnmower? Sorry if you can't. But I'll walk every aisle up and down. And then I always grab something. And a lot of time, it's a little pack of sparkling waters. The lawn guy tried to warn you. He tried to warn you. Here I go with referencing the same thing I just did.

But when I was at Workaholics, we worked out of this warehouse in deep van eyes. And there was nothing there. And everyone would be like, i kind of want to go for a walk after lunch but there's like not a neighborhood that was really walkable or pleasant at all but there we shared a parking lot with a target and so we would all go walk through target every single day perfect the amount of like stupid like toys and stuff on everyone's desk was just infinite and they had and that place at that time was the only place i had ever seen topo chico and it was there and we and and we would buy i would buy a whole like you know palette of it and bring it home but um you'd buy a lot of hats that would reference uh haters in some way i had a lot of i i had a

lot of shirts yeah i had weird hats and like i heard you heart like going for big numbers that's right yes yeah the same thing every like trash talky basketball shirt they had i would buy um and uh yeah so i i was in there all the time but i have a real affinity for target and a nice long Target walk is very enjoyable. I do too. When I first was on my own, I would get the room essentials, where it's like you need a comforter, but you don't get a million bucks, $20 comforter, and they all match.

And you feel cool about yourself. You go get some $6 towels. But again, it matches. Yeah. Yeah. And I still like, I'll go up front. What's their soap brand? Sunday Mornings? Is that them?

That sounds right. It would be, yeah. Tuesday, that's what it is. I'm more of an Axe guy myself. I don't really know. I'm going to go ahead and Axe Hayes. So good, dude.

Such a good podcast. That's to make his second and third picks I am going to take this is another this is making an aggressive entry into the space we're seeing it more and more this is my daughter's favorite so I need to pick this one up for her

I'm gonna take Nixie's oh sure Nixie does not have a or they do have a standard lime that you can't find as often but they're i feel like the main line that they have is a lime ginger that's great they have a watermelon mint which is not a flavor i've seen anywhere else and that one is really really good it's a delight we had so much black cherry lime in the house that i just got tired of it it's organic i don't know what that means in this context at all but it's it's a delight we had so much black cherry lime in the house that i just got tired of it it's organic i don't know what that means in this context at all but it's it's almost weird

that that's something that it can be organic yeah what so what is the other stuff yes it is making the other ones like uh open your mind's eye dude you gotta look with your third eye if you want to find it i i've never of it, this isn't like I don't want to sound crazy, it's not like For kids It's not for kids No, it is for adult women This was an impulse purchase aisle

It is for adult women I think Nixie is for adult women This was an impulse, like Whole Foods 365 Impulse purchase Is when I had my first Nixie, the watermelon mint delight. They have a caffeinated one, too. They have a peach black tea, which has 30 milligrams of caffeine, which is perfect for just like 11 p.m. Nixie sounds like a vape pen company.

You just want to struggle to go to sleep. Yeah. You don't want to have weird dreams. You don't want to be kept up. You just want to be to go to sleep. Yeah. You don't want to have weird dreams. You don't want to be kept up. You just want it to be a little hard. You want to have that, I'm never... I want to feel like I achieved something when I fall asleep. You're still very tired. You're just not sleeping.

Did I sleep last night? I certainly don't remember being awake for eight hours in bed, but I also don't feel like I slept. Like that feeling? That's what I'm all about. My body will just give in by default. I want to be battling. want a hot quiet darkness that just sort of makes me part of it i don't know yeah i don't know i don't feel like i wake at points i must have been asleep at some points there's no real structure to any of it.

You try to think of a dream and you're like, let's just let the day decide how much I slept last night. Yeah. Neither science nor poetry is capable of describing how I slept last night. Nixie is delicious. I love Nixie. It is a new. It's really good.

It's got to be a real challenge. It's probably like starting a podcast this year. I don't even know it. You're getting into a crowded field you know so you it's really tough to stand out i wonder how you do you gotta pop somehow yeah i'll make i'll try some nixie can i just get it anywhere again pardon my stupid ignorance you kind of can't okay so get this i'm reading the the about us and I knew the founder was named Nicole. She signs the cans like we know this, but she's talking about growing up on the counter of my mother's natural food store in the 1970s and the factory floor of my father's company.

Cape Cod potato chips. Whoa. So this is not like, you know, some just like some upstart. Are these yes we cape cod potato chips that's that's a big that's not a small wheel in the potato chip world am i wrong about that she also i mean she this nicole has game she found it late july which if you google it you'll recognize they have like tortilla chips and stuff they're good that was one of the first brands to carry the usda organic seal so what she has her hands on is a is a proprietary she has a stamp she has the organic stamp she has a lock on it and so she managed to get it on her her uh that's health food mom that's the combination

of health food mom factory dad absolutely a classic archetype in popular culture that's right good for carob

just grown up eating carob you know on weekends so I have another pick now do I get one more later

you get to go you get you get another one now and you get two more I get two more later okay so this one is still going to be there. I'm going to take

Hop WTR as it's stylized. That's available? Yeah, I knew that was going to be gone if Sean got his hands on it. I mean, I didn't pick it. Does it count?

Yeah, I just didn't know if that counts. It's a sparkling hop water. I kind't pick it. He means like, does it count? Yeah. I just didn't know that counts is like, it's a sparkling hop water. I kind of think it counts. I've never had one. I'm ignorant to this. I've seen it. It counts. It counts. I think more than, I mean, it's not a hop tea, which is a different thing.

Yeah. This is a sparkling water. It's just flavor. They make. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is sparkling water.

It's just flavor. They make, yeah, yeah. So, you know, there's all these hopped beverages going around. Lagunitas has their hopped seltzer. That's good. They're all good. I like basically all of them. I haven't had the pleasure. What is the experience of a hop, a non-alcoholic hop beverage?

This isn't beer water, is it? It is beer water. It's beer water. No way, it is beer water. It's like your... It's non-alcoholic hops. Yeah, it's just the hops flavor. Whoa. It's like your approach to the Cherry Blossom LaCroix,

but with a very, very light... With like a Michelob. If you did that, it's like a Michelob. Okay. Now this I gotta try too. I can see the appeal of this totally my personality is that I drink these every day

you're holding the double hop I have a I have a monthly subscription I get like three cases of this sent to me in the mail every month and it's um this is the double hop dry hopped it's like got a little bit more of a bitter flavor

than the one you'll find just in the store. That's like, just got sort of a light herbal taste. This is a little closer to like a very, very, very faint IPA with no alcohol. Okay.

Wild. I like it a lot. This is a very adult sparkling water well the flavor ones are at our um like it would have been my number i will say it would have been my number one pick because i drink it every day i just did not think that we were doing that as like a sparkling water because it feels to me like it's like in a different category i think it's in a different world but do we want to take this off the board this seems's just a sparkling water. That's all it is. Go ahead.

I love that we're talking about it. In the marketing, I'm seeing the word sparkling water. I'm seeing hop water, sparkling hop water. Look, I went through my mind as like, is this a thing? But because it's like so much of the sales point of it is that it is like a hop water. It just felt like a different thing to me.

What's the calorie count? We're putting up zeros. That, to me, is what qualifies it. That's sparkling water. We don't even have a splash in this. Zero carbs, zero sugar. Look at that. No header.

They have a great lime as well. Excellent lime. They have a great lime as well. Excellent lime. They have a good lime. Their main flavored ones are mango, blood orange, and lime. Mango's great. Mango's really good. The lime is good. They have a peach that is pretty good.

You can't find it as often, but it is good. And my daughter will drink these as well. Okay, so it is a kid-friendly. That's awesome. It's a great entry point. They have a ginger citrus one, Hayes. Okay, so it is a kid-friendly. That's awesome. It's a great entry point. They have a ginger citrus one, Hayes. Have you had it? No! It's really got a lot

of zip. I was impressed with how much bite there is to it. I liked it a lot. When my next monthly shipment of these comes, they're throwing in a six-pack of the ginger citrus for free because I'm such a lot. And when my next monthly shipment of these comes, they're throwing in a six-pack of the ginger citrus for free because I'm such a loyal customer. They know I like it.

Look at that. Friend of the program. That's how you do it. Yes. I also like the branding. I like the way it looks. I like that they're not condescending to their audience. They know I can spell water without the vowels.

Thank you. So you're okay with your daughter having L-theanine for mood and cognitive performance as well as ashwagandha to de-stress and unwind so you're a nootropics dad at this point that's how you're you have an adaptogenic child yes yes my child has been fully adaptogenized i didn't understand i didn't understand we did that in utero so now she needs it to just kind of like to stay i'm afraid you can do that now it would have been such a shock to the system none of that made sense to me i don't know what you guys just said for the last two minutes it's cold dry hopped and micro filtered to deliver an

extra bold and piney hop experience i know and sean do you want to shout out some of the other hop uh so i mean maybe you'll get one well i i yeah i mean i can take this other one when it gets back to me now that has that was my my og but now has become sort of my second choice well let's get there sean jordan you got to make your pick first well since we're in sort of a limbo so we're i mean hard seltzers count no no no all right no that's a different draft. Some of them do. They have non-alcoholic White Claws now. That counts. That's seltzer. What you're talking about.

The seltzer. Yeah, that would be wild. Well, then I will go again. Something that's good to me. Ian put me on this one. Spindrift. I like me a Spindrift. This was why I asked

about the Splash. And if we're taking it, that's fine. We did establish that up front. Oh, do they have a Splash in there? That's the whole thing. I'm not a Spindrift. They have calories. They itemize the fruits that are in there. It's a Splash of juice.

That's their whole game. People do categorize them as seltzer people do also treat you like you're getting like a huge treat if they have spindrift for you when you ask for a seltzer yeah i mean i get i get them or they did like that is this okay like is this gonna be too much for you yeah we've actually got spindrift okay i'll take top water all right let's live i guess I'll just walk an extra mile Do you have a home? I think we allow

I saw a fire hydrant down the block Yeah, I'll just crack that open Don't worry about me Do you have a comically oversized wrench? I think we allow this Partially because I'm not i don't count myself among the fans maybe you put me on it because it would be like a good uh it'd be like a maybe you told me because it'd be like a good introduction for me to get into some sparkling waters i think i brought

some home just to be like i've heard a lot about this. I've heard tell of the spin drift. I shotgunned them all. These go fast. Yeah. Yeah. They do go fast. They are empty before you know it. Yes. Which seems like the can is smaller somehow.

No, it's getting less in there. Yeah. Yeah. But they're not super carbonated because of the juice. They don't have. It doesn't hurt. They do. They feel like drinking a flat soda to me a little bit like i i they just they they feel like the bubbles aren't strong enough the flavors not defined enough it's just

like you're trading neither here nor there yeah um yeah for me that's kind of how i love them and all respect to the people who are enjoying them i i hope that you have a beautiful and full life but you'll do it without me i will be standing on the shore with bidding you a do well that's we had in our room uh caroline goldfarb who's like a very sure yeah who's awesome and also just like huge like huge online there's no way to say that without sounding just completely out of touch at all, but like very engaged. And also has a package food empire now.

Package food empire. Yeah. With the, the fish wife and, uh, yeah. Was in early on. Spend drift,

got like a, had them send a spin drift fridge to our writer's room and stocked it with spin drift all the time. Just cause she like knew the reps. So we always have spend fridge to our writer's room and stocked it with Spindrift all the time, just cause she like knew the reps. So we always have Spindrift in our room. Sean and I have a intimate experience with this. We worked with, uh,

on a couple of shows with Jared Paul and Andy Mogul who wrote the movie. Yes, man. Yeah. In which famously, uh, Jim carries character consumes a red bull and and basically has to be institutionalized. He just runs around like Red Bull, Red Bull, Red Bull.

Yes. Red Bull. This was like 2011 with this movie. Red Bull. Yes. Breaks him forever. It is where you're like. And that did so much to the brand that now a Red Bull fridge follows them

wherever they go, everywhere they go. Any office, there is a fridge provided by Red Bull and kept stocked full with Red Bull all the time. Oh, that's so dope. Wild.

They will be buried in a fluke dog. I saw, we went to the, we went to those in Portland and Laura got heatstroke. My wife got heatstroke. And the only thing around was Red Bull. She was she had to sit down on the ground and I was just running around and there was so much Red Bull everywhere. But there was no like bottles of water.

It was an extreme heatstroke. Yeah, I was getting back across the Hawthorne Bridge. I was like, go get your water across the bridge but right now it's red bull i guess drink the river at that point there's a few new spin drifts they have a grape aid now that i haven't tried oh an island punch and i do just want to establish this is as far as we're going we're not going into the diet soda type stuff that like the poppies I don't think we can take poppy I think that's yeah we can't do a probiotic

is that that gut soda is that that stuff yeah poppy we can't do it it's been not going ollie pop it's not going to happen that's what I was thinking of yes that's funny that's a topo topo I say ollie pop

but it probably is ollie pop I call it ollie pop yeah thinking of. Yes, that's funny. That's a topo-topo. I say Olipop. But it probably is Olipop. I call it Olipop. If I can five-hole you with Spindrift, then thank you. I appreciate it. That's very nice of you. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius.

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some stuff like you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip, you know, leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that, like those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it.

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BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash all fantasy. I'm going to make my third pick here. I'm going to take, I'm going to take bubbly. I'm going to take bubbly. I like it. I think it's solid. I actually, I like it better than LaCroix and I connect them in my head.

Yeah. I think it's less, less major. I think it's a less major player. LaCroix was a bit, I drink plenty of LaCroix and I connect them in my head. Yeah. I think it's less major. I think it's a less major player. LaCroix was a bit... I drank plenty of LaCroix. Don't get me wrong. That was just... Picked LaCroix second and Bubbly third. Now he says he likes Bubbly better. Get a little bit. Get in his kitchen. Get him.

Joker vibes, dude. Joker vibes, bro. You're fucking twisted. I'm going Joker mode. Twisted, dude. But I do, I think I, and this is a, this might be a one flavor pick for me. Ooh. I will enjoy all the flavors.

The cherry flavor of bubbly. It like, I don't understand. When I'm in the mood, when I'm really in the mood for a soda or something sweet, but I'm trying to be healthy or I don't want to introduce that into my system, a Cherry Bubbly tastes so much like a Dr. Pepper to me that I truly don't understand how they do it. That's cool. It really tricks you. It's fucking so good. I think the Cherry Bubbly specifically is my favorite flavored sparkling water out of all the flavored sparkling waters if i had to pick a number just one flavor i don't think they do

everything quite as well their lime i think leaves something to be desired it's a little bit of a thicker sip i'm not looking for that thick of a sip on a lime but out of the cherry flavor the cherry bubbly sits atop a throne of aluminum for me they have a lightly caffeinated one they have bubbly bounce yeah i've seen the they're introducing a bellini bliss flavor getting into the the mocktail game now this of course is the biggest like soda specialist so this is pepsi this pepsi this is pepsi joining them in absence of being able to beat them. So, okay. If you caffeinated a little bit, is all the rest of this stuff still zeros?

Yeah, it's all zeros. I mean, Celsius is all zeros. We're not counting Celsius. So it's like coffee, you just get a little caffeine. Mostly zeros. Maybe some sodium. Maybe some sodium. I don't know. See, there's where I feel so dumb when I just don't get it. Now let's talk about the other

soda giant that tried to get into this and failed. So you remember AHAs? You had AHAs. And they did suck. They are being discontinued. No way. Okay.

Yes. AHA. They said fuck this. The. Yes. Aha. They said, fuck this. Yeah. The cans look too stupid. I never even thought about buying one because the cans look so dumb. Their heart wasn't in it. The cans don't look refreshing enough. The cans look.

No. Letters are too big. They look like they will weigh you down. They're too colorful. The colors are too bright. It's like I'm trying to have a light beverage here. It's a fucking comedy i hope they die i think we can all say i call them haha because i'm laughing at the entire

premise that they would be able to trick me into drinking that yeah so i've i've a reddit post here from the american airline subreddit from a month ago. And it's on a flight from... Big wine airline, American. Yeah. On a flight to SAT from PHX and ordered a pre-flight aha. Oh, pre-flight aha. Pre-flight aha.

Right? Call. I'm making an aha. The flight attendant apologized when he returned with a regular soda water and told him that it was his first flight since it was discontinued.

Wow. How's he going to fly anymore? Was it a Boeing? You're falling apart, man. Was it a Boeing? This thing goes deeper than any of us realize. I would be surprised. Sean, it's time for your second or your third and fourth so okay so let me talk about the hop water scandal here um so hop wtr

has become my number one choice the first way i ever got into this i will say was from h2 ops that was the first top one from which hayes had brought for a podcast record had brought to uh the podcast record and i was like oh i love this and then i started buying h2 ops i don't know if they're still kicking anymore yeah they yeah there are grocery stores that would have them that I would just like buy the whole shelf because I was like, they're so hard to find and they'd be dusty. They were sitting there. Yeah, they got in early and they were something about the name H2 Ops maybe didn't. It wasn't it wasn't helping. I love them.

And when I do see because you will see like a random like four pack of them around and it's like I'll grab it but and then Lagunitas came in with their hoppy refresher I think H2Ops is far superior to the Lagunitas one there's some like quinine aftertaste to the Lagunitas that

I don't really care for the company that I then moved on to was a sparkling hop tea company called Hoplark. Now they had a lot of teas. They then did branch into just straight up doing sparkling water. And the sparkling water product from them that I prefer is the Mosaic Hops. Now they have some flavored ones. They have vanilla bean. They have tropical hops. They're hit or miss for me. They can be good. They can be bad. There's like a lemon drop one. There's one called Citra Hops, which is a little more bitter. There's one called Sabra that has

like a little bit of a tropical feel to it. But the Mosaic Hops one is very good i do sometimes order or have ordered like a 12 pack of that but i'm now i'm now mostly hop wtr loyal i'll take the hop lark mosaic hop sparkling water they're sparkling water with hops and it's same thing as as hayes gets has that flavor they're not adaptogenic so it might be better for your child actually yeah um uh where do you even i've never seen hop lark in the wild i don't think where would they sell they actually find the chamomile the chamomile one you can find uh i thought it was whole foods initially they had a green tea one and a black tea one crystal farms as i'm gonna go look the second we're done i'm going on a mission after this i am max is gonna be asleep

by the amount of knowledge that i didn't know existed on this subject i was my list is so tiny compared to what i'm hearing the three i'm just living in this world you know the hoplark hoplark has and they do like a special new flavor every month and i for a little while they sent me like some free product and some gear at one point um because I was talking about them on on our podcast a lot and it was really nice and those teas can be good they have a huge selection the white tea one

is very pleasant so I like them tall tea one too? yeah and they are tall they are tall boys it is a tall boy the mascot's tall um yes a big tall bird actually i have a sticker on my laptop let me see they look boulder based

yeah oh yeah there it is i have a subscription so that's the relax pack which is and this will set you back this is a status symbol you see the hoplark subscription box on the front porch people know you know the neighbor you're doing okay yeah i cut the shipping labels off all my packages just so people don't know what's coming to the house that is the gray man philosophy and the preparedness is important but you don't want to be the house that all your neighbors come to because they're aware that you've been shipping in hoplark hopty right they're like hey just get stopping hey do you have anything to drink as far as they know you don't have a generator you know what i mean you're using a flashlight although you do have the option to run like your your

internal appliances we're gonna generate we just looked into it i'm pretty excited oh that's sick um i'm gonna go with a little bit of a surprising choice just before we get a pop lark i want to say ian you my favorite flavor is the spruce one the sprucey one that's really good you in particular this is like you don't have to fly home anymore like it tastes like the woods it's really good yeah it does it does it tastes like a pine tree. I'm getting your address. This is you got to suck down a 12 pack of these. I'll say that out loud on the podcast.

No, I'm putting it. When you say a hoppy tea, I don't want to. I don't think I've ever had a hoppy tea. It's different. It's different. So they have their hopped teas, but they're not all teas. But yeah, it is. Hop Lark is the brand they're not all teas. But yeah, it is tea. Hop Lark is the brand.

They launch with teas, but they also have sparkling waters. But the tea is nice. The black tea in particular, that really does, because of the bitterness of both the black tea and the hops, that does feel... I don't drink. So for me, it is a little bit of like uh i'm popping a cold one open yeah it's got it's got a real kick to it for me um and a little caffeine as well

maybe 45 milligrams just enough to keep you awake just to keep you up and should we go down that riff again one of those i loved it the first time and i remember most of it um so let me get into my other choice and i and i was inspired i've got a couple things on the table here that i could do but i was inspired by the good and gather pick and i'm gonna go with another internal like store brand i like the 365 seltzers yes wow i and they do a ginger one oh no um my my screen went away i like i like the ginger 365 and i i just think they do a good job they've got some great cans there you know it's it's reliable like i would take it over la cro or, or bubbly for me personally. Um, that felt personal.

Yeah, it did. I felt very pointed. Yeah. And, and probably, and, and Waterloo as well. Thank you.

Go ahead and put Waterloo. They're not as LaCroix or as flavor as flavorful. Cause they, yeah, there's another, there's another one on between, but I think that, uh, I, I I think that I'm gonna

I'm gonna stick with 365 the 365 lime it passes the lime test with flying colors yeah it does it's good yeah their lime is great the ginger like you said fantastic yeah I really like that one yeah 365 national are they national chain

Whole Foods it's Whole Foods it's one and the same i didn't know what it what is it then what's the difference it's just a different same just a different i think it's i think it's the same company it's the brand it's the house brand it's the house brand and the 365 they're they're a whole food 365 which is a different style of store for them sort of like there used to be like k mart and super k or something i think it has to do with like the layout yeah i got a cheese monger no fish monger they've got a the one and there's a little deli but you can't walk up to the deli the one in there's a slice of meat

it's all pre-packaged yeah they're not calling it 365 anymore they got rid of that oh they got rid of that i mean that's still the brand in-house but it's right yeah but it's called whole foods now yeah i'll go i'll go 365 and you guys may be noticing i'm i go less sweet on a lot of my on a lot of my flavors that's you're right your criticism of bubbly it is cloying it can be a cloying flavor well spit well and and spin drift you know is the same it's a little less sweet. It's a little sweeter. So that's just my personal palate. That's what's informing this.

Couldn't cloy more. Couldn't cloy more. If it's keeping company with seltzer waters rather than sodas, the amount of cloying is just off the charts. Sure. I'm for my fourth pick. I was going to pick white cloy, but you guys said I couldn't. You can pick a non-alcoholic white cloy.

You can pick the non-alcoholic, yeah. That's insane. I'm walking up to a taco stand. I'm getting myself three tacos. I'm sitting down. Okay, yes. I need a frosty beverage. I'm getting a Minaragua. I'm getting a Sparky Rana Minaragua. That was on my list. Oh, I should show you.

I have it written down. Minaragua. But you know what I realized? The Boylins and the Minaragua are just like the glass bottle, like kind of night, like not as good as Topo Chico, but similar feel.

They're so close. I didn't need them both on my, it was just, I drafted for need rather than best available player. You can only start two wide receivers. You can't, you know, there's only two slots right there.

It's just, it's just positional for me. That's why. Minaragua was delicious. If a place doesn't have a Topo Chico, I often find them at LA taco stands. You'll see a Minaragua. It's just positional for me. The Mineral Agua was delicious. If a place doesn't have a Tapachego, I often find them at LA Taco Stands. You'll see a Mineral Agua. It's just delicious. It is what it is. They get cold

in that glass bottle. No, it's a lot like Topo. It is Haritos. It's Haritos. Colder than a stepmother's glance. It is Haritos. Just held up against my forehead, then cracking it open, drinking it, eating a couple rad glance. It is Haritos. It is Haritos. Just held up against my forehead, then cracking it open, drinking it,

eating a couple of radishes. Cool Ranch Haritos. It's a Cool Ranch Haritos. Cooler Ranch. When you said the Boylins and the Micaraguans, it sounded like a Hatfield-McCoy type situation, like some brutal war that's been going on forever. The Soda Wars.

It's one that's going to happen in the future. I said Minaragua. You said Micaraguan. Micaraguan. I'm Irish. I'm Irish and Nicaraguan. You know when you said the Boyles and the Nicaraguans. The Micaraguans. That's what I thought it was. I'm looking at it.

I've never seen it in my life. Minaragua? You've seen Minaragua. Dad's Irish. Mom's from Nicaragua. I'm a Micaraguan. I'm a Nicaraguan. Boy, we need to go find that person and make them do stand-up comedy yeah my house is a little different and boy my mother was guilt would guilt me not like like anyone else's brother. Sean Jordan, it is time for your fourth pick. Alright.

Can I, so, and again, I think it counts, but can I do the liquid death, but the flavor ones? Yep. I was wondering when those would go. Yeah, they've made an aggressive push to, obviously, I mean-

That's who I was alluding to in the LaCroix conversation. Well, this is with like Comedy Fest. I know it's really specific, but like Comedy Fest, it's like a lot of people are making that choice currently. Like, I'm not going to drink or I'm not going to get hammered the whole time. And so Liquid Death made it look like beer. And I thought it was beer for two years at comp at the denver comedy festival and uh and then you crack what over you're like oh great and their ad thing was really i mean it

was a really smart like hack to be yeah sure they just did they made it look like a beer commercial they said like it's you know it's dangerous it's water water is fucking badass now it was really smart play and they're and they're killing it they're killing it they're everywhere they and like any podcast that i think mostly like you got a most podcast studios they're just like filthy with liquid death they must send them they must see the guy's a huge comedy fan who like started the company so he like sent it to a bunch of comedians and that makes sense and like if you just want to water me, but others, nor I,

nor I know, no, but like a straight up water to gas station. Uh, I feel so bad doing like the one use plastics things. I know aluminum is not amazing, but it's like better. So you can get a can of water instead of getting a bottle of water.

So it just makes it easier to get water when you're just at a gas station or something. When Hayes and I do our live show at dynasty typewriter, will have already happened when this comes out but we do them every few months there's a there's a fridge full of liquid death in the back you better yes there is one open and then they got in the flavor game man they got their berries they don't they have a splash do they god they all have yeah they all have scary of a cheater. They got a little splash of agave or something in there. You're going to be, yeah, taking home four or five grams off of one of those tall boys. You know what I don't like is a non-sparkling liquid death.

Just the flop water? The water is bad. It's bad water. Well, can I say this? See, that's what I was just saying. I drink the water all the time. I'm also not a flavors are all so bad. I drink the water all the time. I'm also not a fan of the flavored ones, but I like this pick because I like the non-flavored

liquid deaths. But I haven't tried them all. I like the straight up seltzer water a lot. Yes. Me too. I like the regular. I like the water water. That's what I was just talking about. I get the normal. It's bad water. I get it all the time. It comes perclugging out of it.

Yes. Look, if they want to send me something, it'll get drank. Oh, yeah. But we're wet boys. Yeah. Yeah. End of the day. End of the day.

We're wet boys. The human body is 98% water. It's 99%. It's just me. I'm all liquid, baby. I'm liquid. Liquid in the streets. They sent a pallet,

multiple pallets to this homeless services group. I work with, this was early, early, early in, in liquid death. It was not like really out there yet. Round of applause for the home.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And the number one, people did not like, we would give out the water and people that, what? Not into this water but also

this only happened once that i this only happened once that i know of but they uh someone got pulled up on by a police officer for carrying a you know just like a an old english tall boy is what it looks like down the street and something we never thought of of course but we're just releasing people with open containers into the wild and they have to be like it's water and no it's not with distinctive tall boy branding that's very funny I got a fucking

liquid death and a brown bag I got a brown bag by it's like cranberry death water sounds like a four loco flavor

yeah that's just doing it wrong you're not gonna slide that one past the Nicaraguan take it down to Mulholland good pick good pick

good pick Liquid Dead hey it's time for your fourth and then your final picks the last round is a lightning round okay I am gonna take I knew this would still be on the board but maybe you've seen them Ouroboros they're only skinny cans

they have them at the yummy.com store among other places we all at the yummy.com store, among other places. We don't know the yummy.com store. These are herbal, which means they have some. There's an herb forward quality. Thank you, Isaac. Isaac, get in here. They're so good.

Oh, I need a little backup here. These, I think, are excellent. They have a basil strawberry one, I think. And like basil, you know, basil's the herb there. Lavender, cucumber, lemongrass, coconut. There's a twist on an old favorite. Can I tell you something here? Because I've been Googling all these waters as we go along,

just to refresh my memory. This is the targeted ad. Every time I type in whatever sparkling water, Ouroboros are up at the top. So there's some VC money behind this right now. Taking a big swing. Big cuts. Taking a big swing.

They're trying to get in there. Cactus Rose. And they do Ginger Meyer lemon, which I love. It's like, oh, yeah. Oh, you can taste the Meyer. Oh, yeah. It's a Shark Tank brand. They went on Shark Tank.

These guys are going on Shark Tank, I guess. They're going on Shark Tank. I didn't know this. And this is the lightning round, correct? Next is the lightning round. No, it's not the lightning round. Ouroboros. And now it's the lightning round.

I'll take Sanzo. Okay. We've seen them. These are out there, too. These are newer, but like Yuzu Calamansi. Delicious. Sanzo water. These have a little splash

I like a Sanzo The lychee Is that what you said? Definitely neither of those It's not larch meat Lunch meat Gives you cancer The lunch meat flavor

Will give you cancer For a lot of people that's the draw that's the city i'm from in micaragua sean jordan so i want i wanted to take clearly canadian i don't think it counts but there's a zero there is there there's a clearly canadian zero that i found that i mean that vanished i know this is a lightning no that was what i grew up with yeah it's what I grew up with too. I'm looking it up. You can get it. They have one called Zero.

I want to see if I can take it. To me, that's a diet soda. Is that a diet soda? It's a flavor. Clearly, Canadian was such a... I don't know. It never seemed like a sparkling water to me, even though they say it's a sparkling

water. They're like, we are a sparkling water, but it's so calorie. They have a sparkling essence. You can have their sparkling essence. Everyone on here has a sparkling essence. Thank you very much. Clearly Canadian, zero.

Absolutely. We're not taking zero sugar, zero calories because that's, that's full of stevia. I defer to you. So I'm asking, I, I,

uh, there's no like Stevie, any of the, now we're in only pop territory. So let the guys take it. We don't have sparkling essence. It doesn't have sparkling essence. I think we've declared a clear band.

I think the steps, it's toe over at sean jordan all right give him the sparkling essence people are gonna be so mean to me on twitter because i didn't let you know no people are going to fucking devastate me the jordanites dude listen the jordanian army is going to be coming for me if well telling me just like the jordanians the jordanians and the micaraguans are going to be like you did not honor his truth guy Ian is the reason I didn't flip out of my wedding so if anybody ever wants to come

and just have even a morsel of internet defense for me understand that I would die for that man and I don't say that lightly I really would so it's all in good fun every single thing we do on this show let me get very fucking serious for a minute every single thing is in fun now that being said

I'm out of options so kirkland all right i gotta do it i like it oh reliable i'm a man of the people i'm you know i'm i still will get some kirkland it's there it's it's fine it's the flavors i don't have a picky palate so yeah yeah, I'm surprised it hasn't gone, but you know, it tastes great. What value? It does. Yeah.

That extra 10 bucks in my pocket. That tastes pretty good. Sean, do you want to trade hop teas? Do we do this? Yeah, absolutely. I love it. I love it.

When people bring it up, we can allow a trade for sure. Nobody does, man. It doesn't have enough. You want to trade hoplark and Hopwater? I'm willing to. This. Sanctioned and approved.

Yeah. We just started implementing that. Thank you. I'm going for a beefy boy here. And I'm going to take a refreshing stroll through the mountain valley. Okay. Interesting. So I have three left on my list for my last pick and I know it's

lightning round, but I'm going last. So yeah. One, one thing that's been there from the beginning that, and I'll tell you the reason I'm not taking it. So mountain Valley was there just in case. Yeah.

Schweppes has been on my list. Now Schweppes is good. And I'm surprised Sean Jordan, for some reason, I thought you were going to go Schweppes with that Kirkland pick I heard our buddy Kyle Kinney is very funny and comedian all weekend he was saying Schweppes uh Schweppes he wasn't kidding and I didn't it just there was not a time where I was like you say Schweppes but I'll bring it up at some point when the mood is right but gotta hold his feet to the fire on that one. So, so Schweppes,

so Schweppes, uh, it's just the only reason I'm not taking it is because I have Canada dry. Yeah. They are so inextricably linked in my mind. And again, when you're in, when I'm in like a deli or whatever that has them,

it's like, they usually have both. And if they have both, I'm taking Canada dry. Although if they don't happily take a Schweeps again mandarin orange lemon lime original all good in the spirit of drafting and doing what they do in the nba draft at the very end of the last round i'm gonna take a big euro that wasn't on anybody's radar and i am going to go with Gerolsteiner. Oh, Gerolsteiner! Yeah, that's a sparkling water.

That's what they do. Yeah. That's a Wasser. That's a Wasser. Fucking Wasser, baby. He was going to be on the Pacers, right? Gerolsteiner. Yes, it's Gerolsteiner.

Yeah. Maybe we'll get some quality minutes you know he can go get you five fouls at the very least Gerolsteiner yeah that's a great pick that's a great round out the bench

so you may be able to grab Schweppes off waivers or something Schweppes is on waivers well first Isaac do you have a pick? Super producer Isaac. Yeah. I'm going to take another Euro here. Aquapana, the Italian brand.

Oh, okay. That's good. When that comes out, I'm so relieved that it's not. That's one of the better ones. That you can get at a restaurant. It's in that mold, but it's the good one. Yeah. Why is it orange?

That's my one question. The branding. Why is that orange? Why is it orange? That's my one question. The branding. Why is that orange? Why is it orange? That's not a refreshing color to me. That's my only question. It's not a criticism of the water. It's Tuscan. We should ask Zach Toscani. I'm sure he knows the answer. It's just Italy. They do things different over there. Italy shits.

Italy shits. They spilled a la vodka sauce on them. Just vodka sauce on just vodka sauce I guess I gotta speak my truth as we are wrapping this up I don't mind a Perrier I don't mind a San Pellegrino they need you they're on the shelves for a reason

people are drinking them I think they're for people who can't handle the real deal. I like the little green can. If a place has the little green cans, I just like the whole experience. It's not offensive. I like the experience.

They have a premium Maison Perrier that they're rolling out now. Yes, which to me is a sign of trouble. The Perrier that they're rolling out now. Oh, it's Maison Perrier. Yes. Which to me is a sign of trouble. That Perrier has to be like, oh, now this is, but this is the fancy one. You know? They feel the teeming hordes at their gates.

Something they never thought they would have to deal with. Yes. The slim, tall can is an error to me. I disagree. I know it's become popular. I like them. It's arrogant. I'll say it. It's changing the way you stock your fridge. Drinking it's become popular. I like them. It's arrogant. I'll say it.

It's changing the way you stock your fridge. Drinking a seltzer. Are they have little something in them too? Those San Pellegrinos? Would I be cheating on those as well? Like the blood orange ones

that like that guys have. Oh, for sure. Some of the ones with the foil on top, like that's more soda than soda. Yeah, that's like sugar water. That's a sugar rich environment.

They have flavored Pellegrinos that are seltzers. A full meal in those ones. Yeah. Go ahead. Do the recap here. Hayes, you went first. You took Polar. Nixie.

Not Hop Water. Hop Tea, as there was a trade. Hop Lark. Hop Lark. Hop Lark Mosaic. Sparkling Water, yeah. Hop Lark Mosaic. Ouroborra.

And Sanzo. Sean Jordan, you went second. You waterloo good and gather spin drift liquid death and that good old kirkland water baby not bad you guys drafted the fucking sacramento kings oh my god he's just happy to be in the playoffs he's just happy to get there i made it out got mike brown Brown extended. You know what? Light the beam, baby. I went third. I took Topo Chico, LaCroix, Bubbly, Minner Agua, and Mountain Valley. And I will be pouring some of that Mountain Valley into that Bubbly. That's a nice squad.

That's a nice squad. That's a good set. It's not bad. They'll go out there. You know, they're going to win you some games. Sean, you took Canada Dry Club Soda, Boilin' Sparkling Water, you got yourself Hop Water, 365 Seltzer, and Gerolsteiner.

I can't say we left a ton of stuff on the board. No, we didn't. We scraped the barrel a little bit. We discussed the affirmation, the big dogs, the Perrier's, and the whatnot. But we want to hear your picks. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com.

Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon, where you get mailbag episodes, auction drafts, bonus episodes, all of our live episodes from the upcoming tour, exclusive, trailblazing merchandise going out to our top tier, and of course, Isaac's Tasteful News. Tasteful. Nice nipples, man. Tasteful.

Well lit. And get us in there. Doing a lot of the photography on there. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit, the AFE Slacker. very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice

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very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice

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very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice very nice chat to haji beats and more important than all of that tune in again next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything isaac you want to do it shaklackity yeah low one that was a hate gun podcast