All Fantasy Everything - Sport Nicknames (w/ Sean Jordan, David Gborie, and Rhea Butcher)
Episode Date: September 21, 2017Time to win one for The Gipper, Big Socrates. Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians Sean Jordan, David Gborie and Rhea Butcher to draft the greatest sports nicknames of all time. See Privacy... Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that started the season going 91 and 36 until slumping and going 1 and 16 down the stretch.
Are they going to bounce back?
We find out today on another new episode.
Damn it!
They're not going to bounce back.
You came in so hard.
I didn't come in hard.
I tailored an intro
to our guest here today,
Rhea Butcher,
at Rhea Butcher on Twitter.
That's me.
Yeah.
Hello.
What I was referencing, of course,
is the record of the
Los Angeles Dodgers baseball club.
Yeah, you were.
Only team to win 15 out of 16 and lose 15 out of 16
what a roller coaster and make the playoffs yeah we'll see if they still do was that this most
recent season that's right it's happening right now happening right now currently right now it's
happening speak yeah not playing momentarily yeah ohio sports man you guys are just a real real heart attack
the last few years
tell me about it
oh you are the over in Ohio
losing my mind
are you even able to talk about basketball right now
basketball fuck basketball
yeah
dude it's so brutal
I can't even deal with it
and I was excited about
the stupid Cleveland Browns for five goddamn minutes because they
were all on board and doing a protest together.
Yes.
And I was so excited.
Then they go and lock arms with the goddamn Cleveland Police Department over the weekend.
Lock arms with the Tamir Rice shit-ass Cleveland Police Department.
Who knows what's happening?
I'm not familiar.
They actually did link up.
Tamir Rice was a-
I know.
I'm-
Yeah.
They did the first.
Well, the Browns did the biggest protest, right?
The most players.
And also really well known because a white player participated.
So people were like, oh my God, like losing their minds.
Rightfully so.
And also like, calm down.
And then the Cleveland Police Union were like, well, we're not going to help with the national anthem.
They wouldn't hold the flag they they wouldn't hold the
flag they wouldn't hold the flag which is considerably more disrespectful to the flag
if you will not hold it you won't even hold it it's crazy it's crazy you all are out of your
goddamn minds about this shit it's insane so then the cleveland browns were like we'll link arms
with the cops in a show of unity with the police. Which is what we've all been looking for.
The police who were doing a...
When you have a football player and a police officer,
only one of them is currently
carrying a gun in the stadium.
So there's a bit of a power differential there.
I feel like it could go either way.
Yes, yes. I understand what I'm saying here.
Is Lawrence Taylor
one of those football players?
I feel like Ray Lewis still packs eat to the stadium.
Ray Lewis is a shady individual.
Yeah.
He killed it.
Ray Lewis is endlessly shady.
Terrifying.
Cause he killed that guy.
Dude looks smaller without pads on or bigger without pads on.
That's what I meant to say.
Legit looks bigger without pads on.
Ray, why would you leave the stadium with your pads on?
No, I took them off.
Yeah.
But the thing about it is the
police were mad at the Browns for doing a
protest that involved the national anthem and the flag
and they expressed their anger
by doing a protest that involved the
national anthem. Just ridiculous.
That's crazy. Yeah, but
the baseball team's
doing well. Yes, they are.
The baseball team's doing well. We went around the horn.
Yeah, they got uh jake taylor
yep they got willie mays hey sarano pedro yeah yep boy really knocked the crap out of that one
listen we could quote major league all day uh killer bunt
ria also also the season on a on a sadder note, but also, I mean, it's beautiful.
Edie Windsor passed away.
Oh, yes.
The LGBT activist, right?
She did.
And you wrote in the New York Times that came out today an op-ed about that, which is beautiful.
So if you're listening to this, go check out that right now.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, she was a very cool person.
I only met her for about like 30 seconds, but 30 seconds that I'll probably remember for the rest of my life. That's Yeah. Yes, yes. Yeah, she was a very cool person. I only met her for about like 30 seconds,
but 30 seconds that I'll probably remember
for the rest of my life.
That's amazing.
It's fantastic.
And you can read about it in the New York Times.
That's amazing.
Not only that,
I love when we got hella stuff to plug.
You and your wife, Cameron Esposito,
also are about,
you're going to go on tour.
Yes, we are.
In a bus, right?
In a bus.
Back-to-back comedy tour.
Yeah, with a dog, I think.
Oh, you're bringing the dog?
I think so.
Murphy's coming.
That's like most of why we continued on with the bus idea.
Because we were like, we can bring the dog.
Why is it still, I think?
Well, we're going to see how it goes.
See how he reacts to living on a bus.
Bus life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think that sounds amazing.
Are you stoked?
I am stoked.
Except I learned one thing, which is that you cannot poop on the bus. What? You can't? Yeah, yeah. No tw I think that sounds amazing. Are you stoked? I am stoked, except I learned one thing, which is that you cannot poop on the bus.
What?
You can't?
Yeah, yeah.
No twosies on the bus.
No twosies?
Yeah, you cannot poop on the bus, which means I have to poop at every venue.
Yeah.
Because you pull up.
That's the only place I have to poop at the venue.
Some of those venues, though.
Are you guys doing a shower at the venue?
That's a tossing.
I did not know about that.
You know what you can do is sometimes you can get day rates on hotels.
You can get for like 50 bucks,
it's like, hey, let me get this room
from noon to four.
And they'll hook that up.
It's just a matter of getting there
because the bus is our only transportation.
Yeah, you have the bus.
The bus driver has to be out of the bus
for a particular amount of time.
So once we pull up, then the bus driver's like, see ya.
I'm off.
They got to go get that Go Fast at the truck stop.
Some of that Go Fast.
Some of that Go Fast.
Got those yellow jackets Go Fast?
Let me get about 10 of them.
Some of them greenies.
Oh, you're talking about the stacker axes?
Yeah, the stacker axes.
You got to go get a tire bat because you broke your last one.
Get a couple red lines.
You get those VIP comedy club theater bathrooms, though.
Those are all right sometimes. We're not playing any clubs, though. Those are all right sometimes.
We're not playing in any clubs, though.
It's all like rock venues.
Oh, those are shady.
Those are not all right.
I'm going to go take a shit at the Triple Rock real quick.
No big.
I just did a show with you in Denver where I had to poop at a rock club, and it was awful.
It's terrible.
Wait, which one?
I'm not going to.
I like it, though.
Was it a high dive?
I'm not going to.
Why are you doing that?
You know it was one of three.
It was one of those guys on that strip.
I pooped at all of them last year.
High planes doesn't do me well.
Look, man.
I don't know why you're so combative.
A horse can't make a gazpacho, but it can win the Kentucky Derby for you.
Something's good at one thing and bad at another.
Yeah.
How do you know that a horse can make a gazpacho?
Why is it all so black and white with you, Sean?
I don't know.
I don't know that.
I don't know that, and that's on me for not believing in horses.
Horse gazpacho.
I mean, I think actually of all the things that a horse could potentially make, a gazpacho
is kind of up there in possibility.
Actually, yeah.
If you put a bowl of vegetables in front of a horse, odds are it's going to step on it.
Right, it's going to step on it.
It's going to make a gazpacho.
Yeah, I feel like.
Fuck.
I don't mean to.
No, please. please no you're
right i come in your house it's important to call your friends on their bullshit
egg on your face so really this rock club should have a good place to put
well i'm still not gonna call it out if that's what you're asking we're not calling it out
nothing i can't call it david borey will not call it. That's who you hear on that microphone. The G will remain silent on that. The G is silent on the topic of the club.
As per huge.
Cool Guy Jokes 87 is 86 in the idea of mentioning what the club is.
Woo.
Yeah.
David, you going to be doing anything?
Ian Carmel, everybody.
David, this is coming out next.
A week from tomorrow.
A week from tomorrow.
Yeah.
You know what we're doing.
Oh, yeah.
Me and Sean are doing arguments and grievances at the Nerdist.
Oh, that's dope.
And then later that next week, I might be doing some shows in San Francisco.
So look out for that, maybe.
Do we know the topic of the argument and grievance?
Mickey's versus Old English.
Old English.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
And I, because I'm classy.
It's all Mickey's.
The argument's starting already.
We're fighting at the weigh-in?
A little sneak preview.
This is a fight at the weigh-in.
What night is that?
I might have to be at that.
Friday.
Next Friday.
You should definitely come.
And then afterwards we can all watch Sugar, the Hispanic Titanic himself on the half hour.
Oh, Sugar Shane Torres.
Sugar Shane Torres.
Is that that night?
Is that that night?
It's that night.
I just listened to that album.
We'll argue and grieve.
Isn't it an amazing album?
Yeah,
there's a lot of funny crowd work
and it doesn't sound like
he has mustard on his shirt.
Nope.
He looked fantastic
and he absolutely killed it.
I'm not going to say
a bad thing about him
because it's,
you know,
it's fantastic.
Amazing album cover. I'll cover Sean Jordan
at Sean S.
Jordan on Twitter.
Sean Cougar,
Mel and Jordan on the gram.
Yeah.
Check out that argument.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Watch, you know,
watch Shane's half hour.
Also, again,
I'll be at the 10,000
last festival in Minneapolis
October 20th and 21st.
Do we have all you need
is a knife? What is that? 10, a... Is it all you need is a knife?
What is that?
10,000 laughs.
I think.
Is it all you need is a knife?
10,000 laughs
and all you need is a knife.
It's like meeting
the man of your dreams.
It's like a blue whale
comedy festival.
But you're already crumb.
With a wife.
We can make this work. We can get there. We're like a horse making a gazpacho. It can make this work.
We can get there.
We're like a horse
making a gazpacho.
It's going to happen eventually.
Don't look at the process.
Look at the result.
The crow doesn't fly straight there,
but it gets there.
Exactly.
Do we have any shout outs?
Anybody we need to shout out right now?
No.
Shout out.
I have one guy.
Shout out.
I forgot your name. wait, we have, I
have, I can go to my DMs.
Yeah.
Shout out to, uh, Philin, Philin Corny, Philin Corny on Twitter.
He, dude, he, he set me up with a care package in Tulsa from his like bakery and then it
didn't get to me somehow, but he still came out and we
drank some beers and had a good time hell yeah nice yeah so shout out to yeah Phil and Corny
somebody sent me a box of candy that's like a full box of like Costco candy yeah like a box of 18
candy bars yeah and we were like holy shit get this out of here. It was like so much candy.
And I was like,
can I eat some of it?
And I ate some of it
and then I put it outside
and somebody took it right away.
Fantastic.
And then that person
sent another full box
of more candy
and I was like,
god damn it,
what are you doing to me?
Right?
I am still eating that candy.
Send some whey protein next time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Try to get swole.
We got Marshall's hot sauce.
Sent us a bunch of hot sauce
one time.
Eternal shout outs. And that was the fucking, oof. That's nice. Sent us a bunch of hot sauce one time. Eternal shout outs.
And that was the fucking.
That's nice.
I got a free axe.
I shouldn't say free axe.
I got an axe.
You got an axe?
Someone gave me an axe.
Best Maid Co. sent me an axe because I was so stressed out.
My birthday was a couple weeks ago.
Happy Belay.
Thank you.
And my Cameron, Cameron, my Cameron was asking me.
Oh, Cameron, my Cameron. My wife was asking me what I wanted, and I couldn't really think of anything.
And then I just texted her, like, I think I just want an axe because of, you know, the world.
Yeah.
And so someone saw that on the internet, and then they sent me, like, a full-on, like, a well-made Appalachian hickory, like, American steel.
Yeah, it's fucking awesome.
Like, red.
Painted. It's, like, hickory, like American steel. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. Like red.
It's like hickory, but dip painted at the end.
So it's like navy, white, and red.
It's beautiful.
I have no use for it, but I would love an axe. Oh, yeah.
Well, you don't feel like a psycho with an axe,
but you're like, I got it.
It's there.
Yeah, I have it.
It's sitting in the corner.
I'm going to keep it nice.
I'm going to buy some linseed oil for the handle.
You understand?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If the job, if somebody applies, it'll get the job done.
Honestly, started looking for a house so that I could have a backyard.
100%.
So that I could use the axe.
You'd have a chopping stump?
I mean, that makes sense, right?
I should just buy a house so that I can use an axe that I got.
Or you could take the axe, build a house with the axe.
So rent an apartment, chop the wood, build the house.
Chop the wood, build the house.
Looks like a summer. Hang some Chop the wood. Build the house. Chop the wood. Build the house. Looks like a summer.
Hang some paintings with it.
Yeah.
With the back end.
With the backside.
Yeah.
It's real easy with finishing now.
Just go right through the drywall.
Use it to get a pizza out of an oven.
Chop the pizza with the axe.
Oh my gosh.
Do it.
Everybody wants some style and just play baseball with it.
New Year's is coming up so you can savor some bottles with it.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah. These are all great solutions.
Have you seen that movie
Everybody Wants Some?
Oh, is it really?
Oh, my God! We got it on tape!
Of a woman saying something, and then a dude being like,
Have you guys seen the movie?
No, it's not you.
It could happen to anybody.
You know what I want to bring up?
What I want to bring up is when a guy asks,
when he didn't hear the girl is what I want to bring up.
That's what I want to address.
It's like he's not even listening, and that's insane.
Like, you know, what do I got to do?
Sean didn't hear you because he's listening to the Fear of Flying audio book
in both his ears right now.
Why don't both of you tell us about what happened?
Tell me about the movie.
Do it.
Wait, what?
What happens later?
He's playing baseball with an axe?
Oh, yeah.
It's a bet in the backyard that he can't hit a baseball with an axe.
Yeah.
Does he?
Yeah, he does.
Of course.
Sideways or flat?
I think probably the only good.
Did you like the movie?
I watched it a couple times.
I like Wyatt Russell a whole bunch.
Oh, yeah. He's fantastic. He's great. He makes the movie for me. Yeah a couple times. I like Wyatt Russell a whole bunch. Oh, yeah.
He's fantastic, and he makes the movie for me.
Yeah, because it's like their baseball family,
so it's in his DNA, I feel like,
and that's why he fits the best.
And that dude with the axe is pretty good, too,
because he played college ball or something.
Yeah, he's fucking perfect looking.
Yeah, he's perfect.
He's Superman on CBS.
Oh, shit.
I'm Supergirl.
He's like Taylor or something like that.
Oh, boy, I went out to cast that movie.
Maybe you told me this.
I think I did when we did the movie, yeah.
To go, like, he cast baseball players.
Yeah.
And he's like, and it's great if you can act.
You know, but he's like, I want to make sure you're actually a baseball player.
Because I bought it on iTunes for some stupid reason.
Sure.
And some of the extra features are their, like, audition tapes are just them playing baseball.
Really? Yeah.
I mean they're clearly acting. I mean they're all shredded up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're, yeah. I don't know.
I didn't, it wasn't that I was disappointed. It wasn't bad.
It wasn't bad but it was also
just, yeah. If you're
a baseball fan, though I'm not the biggest
baseball fan. Sure. So
every single person in the world has managed
to fuck up the skateboard movie
they tried to make.
Is Jordan Hill
trying to make that one?
Hopefully, yeah.
Hopefully, Jay Lawson's
got a little part in there.
Hopefully it works out.
Fucking Jay Lawson.
Lords of Dogtown was,
it was getting there.
Like it was about
to get the job done
but it just quite,
it just didn't quite get there.
And it's,
yeah, it's a skate movie but it's not like an original.
It's, you know.
Have you seen What's Up, Rockers?
Yeah.
It's kind of a skate movie.
It's way more a Larry Clark movie.
Well, it's like saying kids is a skate movie.
Well, because I used to say that about kids.
I'm like, oh, these fuckers.
I used to love that movie because I thought it was cool that Harold Hunter and all these pro skaters in it.
Now I watch it and I'm like, damn, that's scary.
Yeah, that movie's rough.
It's so awful because it's supposed to be like, this is bad, but it really was just
like a roadmap for kids to work.
It was just what it was like.
You go like, I'm going to just go do this.
That's just what it was like when you were that age.
It's so bad.
It has the disclaimer up top from Cher, And then you just fast forward through that.
And then you're like, I'm going to be a piece of shit.
Pat Jordan didn't care.
He made that my babysitter real quick.
When I was 12, maybe.
Kids was your babysitter?
What?
Kids and Menace.
Those were my babysitters.
Man.
Oh, boy.
You got so lucky that you are how you are.
You turned out amazing, dude.
It really could have gone left for you.
How did you do it? Started skating. Oh, yeah. It made could have gone left for you. How did you do it?
Started skating.
Oh, yeah.
It made me hang out with cool people.
Sioux Falls, right?
You're funny.
You should bring it up.
I'm from Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
I don't bring it up on here a lot.
Greatest city, second only to Akron, Ohio.
You're from Sioux Falls, and you're from Akron?
It's weird.
I don't talk about it very much.
You guys should bring it up more.
This will blow your socks off.
I'm from Portland, Oregon.
What?
You're fucking kidding me. I had no idea. I thought you were from here your socks off. I'm from Portland, Oregon. What? You're just fucking kidding me.
I had no idea.
I thought you were from here.
My gosh.
I'm from Parks Unknown.
Parks Unknown.
It could be.
It really could be anything over here.
You got the wrestling bugs
since we were watching it
with Maloyer last night.
I was watching wrestling
before I got here.
Shayna Baszler, by the way,
Sioux Falls, South Dakota represent.
Shayna Baszler.
Lost, though.
Shut up, dude. Oh, sorry. Don't wreck it for everybody. I'm Sioux Falls, South Dakota represents. Shayna Baszler. Lost, though. Shut up, dude.
Oh, sorry.
Don't wreck it for everybody.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm kidding.
You guys should watch the Mae Young Classic.
Mike Miller.
Chislik.
Those are the only two things I know of in South Dakota.
Bob Barker.
January Jones.
There it is.
Tom Brokaw.
Yeah.
Bob Barker?
Brock Lesnar.
Wow, all those people are from Seattle?
Crazy Horse.
Crazy Horse?
No, I don't know.
Kelly Jordan. South Dakota. Kelly don't know. Kelly Jordan.
South Dakota.
St. Kelly Jordan.
Rihanna.
Rihanna.
See if it gets fat.
You didn't know Praz is from Watertown, but he spent his four and a half years in Sioux
Falls.
Pele.
Pele.
Speaking of Pele.
Perubu.
Yeah, Perubu.
I just like saying it.
Pussy Riot. From Si, Pair Ubu. I just like saying it. Pussy Riot.
From Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
Today, we have joined together in the HeadGum Studios to draft athletes' nicknames.
Okay, first of all, I want to know, is it sports nicknames or athletes' nicknames?
Like athletes' nicknames or athletes nicknames? Like athletes nicknames.
Specific athletes or nicknames within sports.
Oh, like whole teams.
Yeah, that's what I want to know.
We were talking athletes.
I went with people.
Yeah.
Okay.
Do you?
No, okay.
Yeah.
It's a sports nickname, though. No, okay. Yeah. You know.
It's a sports nickname, though.
It's a sports nickname.
Now, are you thinking like.
Are you meaning like ground ball?
I have to get to my first pick to make you understand what I'm saying.
Okay, okay, okay.
So when I get to my first one, we'll decide if it's new.
I'm ready for wildness.
What else is new?
Don't worry about me, Sean Jordan.
Don't worry about what I'm doing over here.
The way we determine the order of the draft on All Fantasy Everything was a rollicking
game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you.
Yes, yes.
It'll be thrown on shoot.
So here we go.
Let's open it up.
All right.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Oh, you won anyway.
You won anyways.
You get my head start, you score.
We weren't even looking.
I'm just looking at my hand like, make sure you get it right.
Yeah, I realize I don't think about, I just realize I don't look at anybody else when I pull a rock paper.
Ria says there's been two papers that were thrown out, which means you get to determine the draft order.
What type of draft is that?
That's an excellent question.
It's a serpentine draft.
It's a serpentine draft, which means if you pick-
Serpentine Chevrolet?
Yeah, serpentine Chevrolet.
Yeah, it only goes down Lombard Street, a Serpentine Chevrolet.
Up and down Lombard Street.
You pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round.
Back to back.
There you go.
96, 97.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Joe Carter.
Back to back.
Like my tour this fall with Cameron Esposito.
Oh, yay!
Such a better way!
And in all my bios.
Back to back.
Many cities.
Look at many cities. Many, many back. Many cities. Look at many cities.
Many, many cities.
Many cities.
Cop those tickets.
What will the order be?
So wait.
Yeah.
This order, I want to go first.
Okay.
Right.
So you make yourself first, and then who do you want to go second?
I'll make myself go first.
Uh-huh.
David second.
Yes.
Ian third.
Sean fourth.
All right.
All right. and then bang bang
and then back
you know
back around
you're my biggest
competition for nicknames
so that's why
then I'm back again
you are a big
nickname guy
well I mean
we're not going
nicknames that I gave
these people myself
we should
that'd be the tightest
before we jump in
what are some nicknames
that you've given out
just to people in
Sioux Falls
there are nicknames
that have been given Frat is the giver of nicknames most of the time but I gave frat his
nickname will you tell us some of those some of those nicknames just really quick from punk rock
sausage face okay chicken salad sandwich face there it is they sound they sound so much worse
than they are skizz out was one of them because that yeah and that sounds terrible sure that sounds like such a bad nickname uh skizzette dog shit bag was
i can't say his name because he gets freak pissed is it a dog shit bag that you put on somebody's uh
porch and then light on fire or is it a poop bag that you carry with you in the morning question
it was it was the latter so we started calling him dog shit and it was like for like two years
and then he's like dude stop, stop calling me Dogshit.
My name is Dogshit Face.
So then we're on a road trip.
And one of the nicknames on the road trip was Gunrack.
He had a lot of dank ones.
So we're walking through the Holiday Inn parking lot.
And my friend Joey is like, he goes, hey, what's up, Dogshit Bag?
And he goes, call me Dogshit one more time.
And Joey got a little smirk on his face.
And I go, don't you call him
dog and he didn't that was the last time it was the last time anybody ever did it wow
because yeah until today i i have never had a nickname in my entire life and i think that's
because i have a just gnarly name you have a great last name i Butcher. Butcher. I tried in, I went to after school care as a kid because single parent.
Me too.
And like one day, what's up?
Yeah, learned a lot of weird stuff.
Yeah, you do a lot of stuff like play night court.
Yeah.
Weird shit.
I understand.
You just run out of shit and you're in a gym and all there is is like those cardboard bricks.
Yeah.
And just like a teenager.
I'm fucking bored with shit, dude.
A teenager just waiting for your pants to cut.
I'm Harry Stone.
Yeah, exactly.
Just like, oh, this sucks.
So we were trying to give out nicknames
and somebody was like, oh, you should be Butch.
And then the after school care lady was like,
no, you can't be that.
And I was like, all right.
Not knowing.
Having no idea. We won't be doing that. We won't be going forward with that. No, no, no, all right. Not knowing. Having no idea.
We won't be doing that.
We won't be going forward with that.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
But one of my best friends growing up in my neighborhood got the nickname.
And oh, man, I think the first one was Cakewalk.
Cakewalk.
And then his name was Cakeboy and Cake and Caketown.
Dude, Cake is a dope nickname.
Caketown is Cakeboy.
I didn't give this name and I wasn't around for it because all the dudes I was friends with in my neighborhood went to school together, and I didn't go to school with them.
So they had this other thing going on.
And so I never call him that.
Like, I never think to call him that.
Even though everybody around me calls him that, I never do.
And he just, I can see him go like, every time he gets called, but he's still like, he's still Cake Boy.
He hates it?
He did a cake walk at an elementary school.
That's an awesome name.
You know when they used to do that stuff?
Of course.
You go to the different rooms, like a mini carnival or whatever.
He did a cake walk, and I think they just thought it was the funniest shit.
I mean, I love it now, because he's like a 35-year-old dude that gets called Cake Boy.
Cake Boy.
On the reg.
I'd be thrilled.
I hope he listens to this.
I hope so, too.
Shout out to Cake Boy.
Cake Boy. Really? Cake Walk. Cake Boy Playboy. I hope he listens to this. I hope so, too. Shout out to Cake Boy. Cake Boy.
Really?
Cake Waka.
Cake Boy Playboy.
Cake Boy out of K-Town.
Fucking cake, dude.
If I could travel back in time to around the age of 12, I'd try to get people to start
calling me Cake.
That's a good one.
I would love to be Cake.
I tried to get people to call me the Rattlesnake for a long time.
Jesus Christ.
That's so many syllables.
We were in Salt Lake City at a house party. I like that it has the at the beginning. Oh, yeah, the Rattlesnake. Just Rattlesnake for a long time jesus christ and uh we're so many syllables we were in salt lake city at a house party and i like that it has the at the beginning oh yeah the
rattlesnake you call me the rattlesnake i'd walk up to all these people at this party i'd never
met and i was like hey i'm sean everybody calls me the rattlesnake and everybody'd be like
no one calls me the rattlesnake and i was like why do you have to fuck i'm never gonna see these
kids in salt lake city ever again let them call me the rattlesnake for the night so then we just
nicknamed my car the rattlesnake now my night. So then we just nicknamed my car the Rattlesnake.
Now my current car is the Miracle Whip, speaking of.
It is the Miracle Whip.
So you've got a hat with a rattlesnake on it.
I do have a hat with a rattlesnake on it.
Wherever we end up on Saturday, we should try to get people to call you the Rattlesnake.
I'll start it.
Hell yeah.
I'll start it.
Hell yeah.
And what we're also going to start right now is the draft.
Rhea, you have the first pick.
Great.
The first pick, I'm going with one that is in my heart and not funny.
Yeah.
And one that I appreciate.
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
I love it.
It's just what I want to do at the beginning.
Yeah, yeah.
Start out simple and from a loving place.
And so, of course, I have to go with LeBron King James.
Ah, yes.
That's quality, though.
We also renamed a street in Akron, King James Way, which I think is slightly confusing.
It used to be called LeBron Avenue, right?
Yeah, I would think.
Does King James Way go right to Los Angeles?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just merge on, and then it just shoots you to L.A.
Just a big train.
You just end up in Magic Johnson's living room.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Hey, hey.
Where's Dwayne Wade?
I'm fine with that.
With the LeBron to LA move?
I don't care what the hell he does.
He got us a championship.
I do not give a shit.
That's how I would feel in Portland.
Straight up.
As long as he doesn't string a bunch of kids behind him
and make a big event out of it,
as long as he's learned that lesson and he does it like this is what i'm doing i want to be a
businessman because i think he wants to own a team i think so who knows if he's not going to buy the
calves they're going to be up for sale in like four years right get them away from five or six
years like please god get him please buy the calves yeah and make them good and like give back
to the community because it's like all he cares. Right, exactly. So if he comes out here and learns how to manage a team
by Magic Johnson, I'm fine with that.
That's the perfect dude to study with.
I'm totally fine with that.
His name is Magic.
Yeah.
Straight up.
Urban Magic Johnson.
Will you look at Sean?
There you go.
We were talking on the last week's podcast
about how dope it would be if his name was Urban Magic.
Urban Magic was his
nickname urban magic urban urban magic johnson uh yeah king james fits him so perfectly too
he's the king he is the king since he was a kid best basketball player in the world man
yeah yeah he he still is too i've never seen anything like it i've never seen him play it's
just so fast right i mean yeah i mean i I've never seen him play. It's just so fast, right?
Yeah, I mean, I still haven't seen him play either.
Because my friend had season tickets to the Clippers,
and we were going to go see them when they played the Cavs.
And then she had a pilot, and so she was just like, you go.
And then I went, and on the way, my mom texted me and was like, oh, no.
And I was like, what?
And she was like, oh, I heard LeBron's not
playing tonight. I'm so sorry. And I was like,
I wanted to be like, mom,
why the hell did you tell me? I could have just at least
gotten into the state. I could have had this experience
of like this crazy
courtside seats and stuff and not know.
Why wasn't he playing? Was it like they had a lock
or something? Because it was like late in the season.
Was this last year? Yeah, they
were benching the big three
for the finals
and they benched him
to play the Lakers
and he was just like
sitting the whole time
and he didn't even
like in the
in the fourth quarter
he got up and like
threw a layup
during a timeout
and I was like
I saw LeBron James
play basketball
like that's as close
as I'll ever get
you didn't see him
shoot around
not at all
no he didn't even they didn't even warm up he was probably wearing a suit I don't. You didn't see him shoot around? The jeans he was wearing. Not at all, no. He didn't even warm up.
He was probably wearing a suit.
I don't think,
he wasn't wearing a suit.
He did have like warm ups on
and stuff.
I don't think Love
was even there.
Kevin Love?
I don't remember seeing him
even on the bench.
I mean, I was just like
enamored with LeBron
and I will say
as a nerdy little
child looking lesbian
I walked past him
because I,
that's how good the seats were.
I got to like walk
as close as me and Sean are. Oh, that's great. I just said him because I, that's how good the seats were. I got to like walk as close as me and Sean are.
Oh, that's great.
I just said to him like,
thanks LeBron.
Like a little toddler.
Yeah.
And he like side eyed me
and was like,
mm-hmm.
Like,
it was real weird.
Real funny and real weird.
He's working.
He's worth figuring out
a way to watch.
He moves down the court.
Get him,
get him down here.
Yeah, that'd be.
So fast. Get him down that way Yeah, that'd be so fast.
Get him down that way.
I remember I was at a game
when he was on the heat and they were playing
Portland and we were up by like
10 with five minutes left in the fourth quarter
and I was just standing there watching. I'm like,
oh, we're going to lose, huh?
And we did. We ended up losing
by like 10. It was like, maybe not.
He's really good at basketball. He's so fucking good. Yeah. And kind of the king of up losing by like 10. It was like maybe not. He's really good at basketball.
He's so fucking good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And kind of the king of everywhere he goes too.
I mean, the fact that he went to Miami and like took over.
He was the king of Miami for a while.
Yeah.
When Dwayne Wade had already won a championship there and he's like showed up and he was the
king already.
And you know, they had that big reveal party with all the smoke.
Not five.
Not six. Not five. Not six.
Not seven.
Just two.
It is a great nickname.
Have there been other athletes nicknamed King?
It seems like there should have been, but I can't really think of any.
I don't know.
No one's coming to mind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that was the first one.
There's a football player whose first name is actually King. Yeah. King coming to mind. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that was the first one. There's a football player whose first name is actually King.
Yeah.
King Dunlap.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bold move.
Which is not a King and A.
King and Sir.
Yeah.
Sir is one, too.
I know.
There was a Sir Richard something on the-
Or he used to in JZ name his kids Sir?
He did.
Oh, yeah.
Sir Carter.
That's so gnarly.
That's weird.
Sir. I'm going to name my daughter- By the way, Beyonce named her kids Sir. Yeah, Beyonce. Yeah. The daughter's roomie, right? Sir Carter That's so gnarly That's weird Sir
I'm gonna name my daughter
Ma'am
Yeah, Beyonce
The daughter's roomie
It's my daughter ma'am
Yeah, sir ma'am
It's my daughter ma'am
That changes the dynamic so much
It's my daughter
All about upward mobility, you know
Sir ma'am
Sir ma'am and king
David Borey
It is time to find out
What this controversial first pick is.
So my first pick in the sports next nickname is Soto Mount Mojo.
What?
What?
So the Seattle,
the Seattle Mariners,
maybe you guys remember on fire.
95,
96.
Real good sports time for Seattle, period.
Kenneth Griffith Jr.
That was when I had my Mariners jersey.
Michael Blowers. Yeah, Blower
Power. Yeah, oh yeah, all those guys.
Yeah, John Ulrich was one of those
teams. Jeter for sure.
Joey Cora.
Edgar Martinez. Yeah.
Yeah, just great times. Great times.
The point is, they used to play in the kingdom
and they would call what they did when they were winning
Soto Mojo. Right.
South of downtown magic.
That's where the kingdom was.
And they would crank like Griffey
would crank a dinger and the announcer
would go Soto
Mojo.
That's why you picked it. And I felt that shit
in my like as a like, inside of me.
Yeah.
Like, just, like, to hear them yell that was so good.
And I believe that, I don't know if that counts as a sports nickname.
That's a beautiful story.
Oh, man.
I mean, it's got up to cartwheel over there.
It can't be, no, I'm going to allow it. I've been charmed. The commission allows it, it's fine to top the cartwheel over there. It can't be.
No, I'm not going to allow it.
I've been charmed.
The commission allows it.
It's fine.
I've been charmed.
I also just thought of another, when I come back on the podcast again after this, we should
do home run calls.
Oh, that would be amazing.
Yeah.
God damn, there's been some good ones.
Swung on and belted.
Yeah.
Are we going to do just like trademark ones, or could you do like one-offs too?
I feel like whatever.
You can do Soto magic.
I feel like we can do whatever we want.
Yeah, I can do a mojo.
Anything's happening.
I mean, touch them all, Joe.
That's a good one.
You can.
Put it on the board.
That's my least favorite.
Put it on the board.
Yeah.
Put it on the board.
I don't like that one.
Back, back, back, back, back, back, back.
Do you think the announcers have open mics where they try them out?
That would be the best thing in the world.
They just got a list.
They're like, oh, that was a new one.
That was a new one.
Fuck you, Steve.
They run it like flat, like deadpan, like Chris Rock.
Let's see.
What did I want to talk about?
Oh, right.
Home runs.
Leave out the milk and cookies because it must be Christmas.
No.
You rip the stitches off that one.
Get up, Doc.
Yeah.
Anything going that fast
should have a stewardess.
No, that's from a movie.
Hang on.
That hits
the son is named Bart
because that was a homer.
Yeah, you know.
That one's not going to land
until he's up to bat again
next game.
That one's good, actually.
That one's got legs.
All right.
It's got legs.
Okay, so it does work.
Yeah. That one won't land. All right. It's got legs. Okay, so it does work, yeah.
That one won't land until he's up to bat again.
You put the salt and pepper on it.
I put a little salt and pepper.
You're like a horse begging to sweat.
That's a good team right there.
Yeah, I'm going to allow Soto most of the time. All right.
Now, they're no longer Soto, but they still do Soto.
Is it still Soto?
I don't think Safeco is that far from where they came from.
Oh, maybe it is Soto.
It is.
It's still pretty close to where the old kingdom was.
I remember when they imploded the kingdom.
I remember that, too.
That was a cool video.
Yeah, yeah.
I think I downloaded that on a 56K modem.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, that was about the time.
I watched it on Como 4 News.
Yeah, Como.
Yeah. You still... God, who was the... Oh, no I watched it on Como 4 News. Yeah, Como. Yeah.
You still, God, who was the, oh, no, that was on Fox Sports Northwest.
But, like, the Mariners, oh, what was their name?
The woman who covered that team.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God, I have to look it up.
They're going to tweet it at us.
They are.
I can't think of it.
Do you still fuck with the Mariners?
No, I don't fuck with baseball that heavy. So, I mean, yeah, I guess the Mariners are still my team. I don't think of it. Do you still fuck with the Mariners? No, I don't fuck with baseball that heavy.
So, I mean, yeah, I guess the Mariners are still my team.
I don't know.
Baseball's just not where my heart is.
Sure.
Mid-90s baseball.
That's Cuddy Sark.
Talk about the twins.
I got that.
I got that wire.
Sure, yeah.
Little Ken Herbeck, little Chuck Knobloch.
You were a twins guy?
I mean, I had to be.
Back in the PED days, those were the days.
Oh, yeah.
Not a lot around there.
The Royals, I guess, too.
Angie Mentick.
Yeah, that was her name.
That's an awesome name.
Yeah.
She's fucking dope.
Mia played softball for the Huskies.
Huskies.
Huskies, a little something David and I are.
Huskies.
Since boyhood.
A little special rack for some...
Husky magic. A little special rack for some pants.
A little more Velcro in that suit.
Less buttons, more Velcro.
These ones feel good when you sit down.
Our t-shirts don't have licensed cartoon characters on them.
You want a Randolph the puppy?
No, I want a Snoopy the Beagle shirt.
Tough luck, kid.
Well, we have James the Basset Hound.
You are husky, your shirt will have a husky on it.
It's all wolf stuff.
Jeans that are wider than they are long.
Do you want to dress like a baby train conductor?
Or a fat waiter.
Those are the only options.
We got two looks for you.
We got a daytime and a nighttime look.
What do you mean you can't go on a date?
No laurels, all hearties.
For our hearty boys.
But smelled like hearties. Yeah, hearties. Because there's a hearties in the back. Yeah, But smelled like hardies.
Because there's a hardies in the back.
Yeah, there's a hardies.
There's a hardies boys.
Oh, shit.
Those are the days.
Those Mariners teams were good.
Remember they used to have little arcades you could try out the new Sega games in?
Oh, my God.
That was the first time I played Tony Hawk's Pro Skaters at like a Sear.
Shit.
Sears. I beat Tony. So we're at the ASR trade show. I might have told's Pro Skaters at like a Sear. Shit. Sears.
I beat Tony.
So we're at the ASR trade show.
I might have told you this when we were hammered one night.
Action Sports Retail.
There it is.
Down there in San Diego.
Of course.
San Diego.
And they were demoing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.
I was playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.
And who else walked up but Tony Hawk himself.
Oh my God.
Played me.
And I beat him.
Whoa.
I mean, he didn't have to be good at it.
Did Tony Hawk play as Tony Hawk? I can't remember. Jeff mean, he didn't have to be good at it. Did Tony Hawk play as Tony Hawk?
I can't remember.
Jeff Rowley.
Be great at it.
I would love it if Tony Hawk stepped up to Tony Hawk's pro skater and was like, you know
what?
I'm going to be Alyssa Steamer today.
Yeah.
That would be great.
No, make my, I'm wearing your shirt.
Did you see this, Sean?
Oh, sure.
Hell yeah.
It's Narhunter's.
That's fantastic.
I'm wearing a Narhunter's t-shirt.
You should check out their stuff.
They're very cool.
Narhunter's. I love that name. Is that a, what is that? A skateboarding label? That's fantastic. Wearing a Narhunter's t-shirt. You should check out their stuff. They're very cool. Narhunter's.
I love that name.
Is that a, what is that, a skateboarding label?
It's like a surf skate brand.
She's like more into surfing these days.
Yeah.
Dope.
She, I don't know if she's still on Baker.
I think she probably is.
They seem to keep it pretty family, right?
I think she is.
The only thing that would have been cooler is if you would have played Tony Hawk with
the lead singer of Goldfinger.
Oh, man. Are they the Superman song?
I'm the Superman.
Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
Oh, man.
That song.
I remember owning that game, and I only listened to rap as a kid.
I remember playing that game and just constantly being like, what is this music?
Scott. I can still hear him. to rap as a kid, I remember playing that game and just constantly being like, what is this music? Scott!
I can still hear my high school girlfriend
saying, yes, I cheated on you with
nine different guys while I was playing
Tony Hawk listening to that song.
Controller shattered against the wall.
Immediate breakup.
But because you couldn't land the 900.
Because I couldn't get a million points.
I had a busted foot.
I could get a million points in Tony Hawk back in the day. Damn I couldn't get a million points. I had a busted foot. I could get a million
points in Tony Hawk
back in the day.
Yeah.
Damn, dude.
Your boy.
Damn.
That's why she was
cheating on me.
I was playing Tony Hawk.
That's why that's
what they're doing.
It's got to pay attention.
It seems like you were
really busy.
Not being an active
lover.
There's no way.
It's not so much cheating
as she was playing
Tony Hawk as well.
Right.
Yeah.
Yep.
Landing tricks left
and right.
Oh, I didn't mean
that for the double meaning tricks.
But here we are, my pick.
Here we are, number three, you know.
Here we are.
God, there's a few.
It's really hard to get this first.
God.
This is, I will say, the list I have of potential choices is the longest one I've ever compiled for an A&P.
You know what's funny is now that I'm looking again, I'm like, man, there's some.
I thought I had my first pick, but I don't
know if I do. Let's see what you
picked, Dickweed.
Dickweed.
Really mean, Sean. Shut up, Dickhead.
Shut up, man.
I don't read books.
I wouldn't be me if I didn't pick a basketball
nickname. I have to pick a
basketball to lead off. It's not all going to be
basketball. Please, let's hear it.
And I want to take you
to the American South.
Okay, let's go.
All right.
I'm with you.
I'm going to take you.
Are we in a car?
We are in a car
because this is a very
car-friendly city.
Okay.
We're in Atlanta, Georgia.
Oh, sure, sure.
All right.
It's the early 90s.
Yeah, yeah.
You go to watch a basketball game
and who do you see
but Dominique,
the human highlight
of the game?
The real Wilkins.
Ah.
Yep.
Fucking throwing it down.
I can't imagine.
I was going to say Hershey Hawkins.
Oh, Hershey Hawkins is a good one, too.
The human highlight reel.
Didn't he have another one, too?
Dominique Wilkins?
I don't know.
I thought he had another one, but yeah.
I think they called him Neek a lot.
The human highlight reel.
They did call him Neek.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The human highlight reel.
It's just fantastic.
It's perfect.
It's the absolute dopest nickname.
And he was, by the way.
And he was, yeah.
There's no getting around it.
That early 90s Hawks uniform was so sick.
I loved it.
I did love it.
I did love it.
The gold and red one?
Yeah.
Gold and red, yeah.
So tight.
Bring that shit back.
Bring that shit back.
Although I will say the NBA is kind of, generally, their uniforms are going sort of back to retro,
I feel like.
I like that.
Simplifying.
Yeah, to that.
Except for the t-shirts.
For a while, they were getting crazy.
I hate those t-shirts.
Well, they're out.
They're not doing the shirt.
Nike took over.
Thank God.
And the shirt jerseys are gone.
Thank God.
The finalists will be able to do good tests.
That is the one blemish on the Cavaliers NBA finals.
Why do they have to be wearing those goddamn volleyball jerseys? It's so bad. Thank God. The finalists will be able to do good tests. That is the one blemish on the Cavaliers NBA finals.
Why do they have to be wearing those goddamn volleyball jerseys?
It's so bad.
They look like bathing suits from the 40s. Why do I have to look at that photo for the rest of my life?
Basketball jerseys used to be so wearable.
It was a cool summer look.
You want to wear them.
They're like a shirt hornet with pinstripes and shit.
With a goddamn V-neck.
Come on.
I know.
I don't know if you guys saw this, but when they won, I posted, I had a basketball, I
played basketball in high school freshman year and then quit because I never played.
And I was like, I'm the best one on the team.
And they were like, we don't think so.
So I was like, see ya.
I'm going to go skateboard.
Difference of opinion.
Yeah.
Best decision of your life right there.
And they gave us the 70s dudes uniforms.
And so the shorts were like three inches long hell yeah but we had that
t-shirt v-neck thing and it i hated it i could it was hard to play it's also like yeah the shooting
shooting range yeah i'm just saying stuff you go to a rifle range you can't shoot i was in when i
was on a softball team we had one of those v-neck but like the stern v-neck
yeah we had those
and like
it just sucked
it was just like
I was riding on my neck
you know
and they're real tight
up until they get the v-neck
you're like
well it's tight
all the way around my neck
and then like
it doesn't seem like
right here where I would
have the hole
it's just fucking
it's just gross feeling
like sometimes in sports
tight is good
those jerseys not.
Like football pants, good tight.
Oh, I love football pants.
You feel so fast.
Yeah, you do.
When you wear them.
Like anything could happen.
Your thighs normally rubbing together now
are sort of working in conflict with one another.
It's like wearing compression shorts.
Yeah.
Like nothing else.
I wanted like a big basketball jersey and big shorts.
I was on the D team so I got that shit too,
like just skimpy. And I had hair down to my and big shorts. I was on the D team, so I got that shit too, just skimpy.
And I had hair down to my chin right when I started skating,
so I'm just tossing my hair back all the time trying to shoot.
I don't even think I hit the rim.
It was nuts.
The Tomcats didn't have a good year that year.
The Tomcats?
With a K.
The Tomcats.
That doesn't sound like a bowling team.
Sounds like my grandmother named your team.
That'd be nice if you were the Tomcats.
Look at those Tomcats running around out there.
It's 7 p.m. They should be at home.
I really liked it when your basketball team was in that video with Paul Abdul.
Oh, yeah.
MC Tomcat.
I almost picked that last week for a world to live in.
Oh, really?
That would have been a fun little world to live in.
But you went with cool world?
Cool world.
Not far off.
Yeah, a little nudity in cool world, and that's why I had to go with it.
Dominic Wilkins.
Dominic Wilkins.
Was good enough at dunking that while Michael Jordan was around, people were like, oh, man,
Dominic Wilkins is good at dunking.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To be good at dunking when Michael Jordan was also around,
it's like,
let's not forget Dominic Wilkins.
Also,
fucking high top fade up there.
Yeah.
High top fade.
High top fade.
Yeah, yeah.
You can't have high top fade.
Man, do you remember
when we used to be able
to have conversations
about multiple basketball players
without somebody saying,
you're wrong!
Yeah, God!
It would be a huge fight.
I feel like Michael Jordan
would not be Michael Jordan
if the internet was around
with Michael Jordan.
No.
No, you're right.
We would have known he sucked.
He would be LeBron being pulled down from every side.
Like, you're terrible.
You're terrible.
There would have been definitely.
There would have been like the Hakeem Olajuwon Hive who would have been like his more dominant player, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
That is crazy to think about.
There would be the Craig Eloheads being like, no.
Eloheads!
Elohead with their Blue Lives Matter t-shirt.
But yeah, LeBron James,
most of the people I know who think seriously about basketball
are like, LeBron's the best.
But you do have those Yehoos on Twitter who are like,
those Yehoos.
Coming from all different angles.
I like it.
Those fucking Yehoos.
But yeah, Dominique Wilkins,
it captured what, like what was best about him
all in his nickname.
Plus it's long as fuck,
the human highlight reel.
I do like a long nickname sometimes.
The human highlight reel.
That's a really fun,
yeah, just Dominique,
the human highlight reel.
Wilkins.
Wilkins.
Yes, we still have his last name Wilkins.
There's nothing in my life.
There's no way. I'm 32 years old right now.
And if I devoted my life
to any one thing, I could never earn a nickname like
the human highlight reel.
I could start calling you that tonight.
But I wouldn't have earned it.
I wouldn't have earned it.
Listen, we don't need to play patty cake all night here.
I think you earned it a long time ago.
I've been going to the gym every day. Thank you very much.
Every single day.
Nominated for an interview.
And working on your modesty.
More modest than ever.
That really parlayed its way into a lot of stuff.
I really appreciate that.
I think I brought it up every podcast that's ever happened.
You should bring it up at least until winter.
I'll bring it up till the next one
Till I bring home the gold
It is time for your first pick
Alright
I mean just
Well you know
Let's go
I'm doing me
I'm doing me this podcast
We're going the round mound to rebound
Charles Barkley
I thought someone was going to take it It's my all time favorite We're going, I'm doing me. We're going the round mound to rebound, Charles Barkley. Fuck yes!
All right, that's good. I thought someone was going to take it because it's such, it's my all-time favorite nickname
of an athlete ever.
The round mound of rebound.
It definitely would have gotten picked.
I love fat athletes.
Yeah.
So I'm on board.
He wasn't fat.
But he was fat.
He was like, Phoenix Barkley was fat.
He was all Turkish.
He was a fighter. He was all Turkish. He was a fighter.
He was chubby.
He was at his fight in white.
Is there anybody, who's Barkley's size now?
I mean, without saying.
Big Baby Davis?
Nicknames.
Oh, like.
Oh, shit.
Oh, damn it.
Oh, Big Baby.
I saw Big Baby Davis on a plane once.
And I was like, who's this NFL football player?
Yeah, he's Glenn Davis. I bet you Zach was like, who's this NFL football player? Yeah.
He's Glenn Davis.
I bet you Zach Randolph, he's a big boy.
He's not.
I saw him at an airport, too.
He's skinny.
Really?
Really wigged me out.
Really?
That's pretty buck.
I would not have said that.
There's one fat guy I was just thinking about.
Marcus Smart on the Celtics got fat last year.
Yeah, he's kind of fat.
Big fucking chubby fat
Raymond Felton
whenever he goes back to Portland
Cup what do they say cupcakes
they just chant cupcakes or eat a cupcake
I don't know man I call him cupcake
all the time on Twitter
no he hates it
he's a chubby
basketball player who hated
Portland it bothers everyone
because he slimmed up
after he left Portland
and that is
yeah that bugs me
I just remember
watching him dribble
balls off his feet
but it's not about him
it's about Charles Barkley
it's about the
round mound of
rebound my friend
that nickname is so
good that there was
a football player
who played for
Kentucky
Jared Lorenzen
who was in the NFL
for a short amount
of time.
Oh, the quarterback?
Big fat dude.
I love that guy.
The round mound of touchdown.
I love that guy.
Do you remember that guy?
He had a baby when he was at Kentucky,
and Sports Illustrated did an interview with him,
and he was like, I love this baby because it wakes up to eat,
and then I wake up to eat.
I remember reading that in high school
and being like, this guy.
This baby's waking me up, and we're both eating.
I could be a dad.
This dude gets it.
Oh, yeah, he put on some more weight.
Who did?
Oh, boy, it went there.
It went there.
Oh, he weighs 500 pounds now.
Anyway.
When he goes to dinner, he's the round mound of ground round.
Oh, the round mound of ground round.
When he goes to the bathroom, he's the round mound of brown town.
I don't like this.
All right.
When he goes out dancing, the round mound of get down.
Oh, that's way better.
Oh, that was great.
Let's close on that one.
Yeah, let's put a cap in it.
Yeah.
That was great.
Let's put a cap in it.
We're going to shoot it.
The round mound of rebound. The round mound of rebound. Charles Barkley. It's a cap in it. Yeah. That was great. Let's put a cap in it. We're going to shoot it. The round man to rebound.
The round man to rebound.
Charles Barkley.
It's a great, yeah.
He would also, he moved up the court.
The reason I compared him to Russell Westbrook is if you watch old Barkley,
the only dude who will grab a rebound and fly up the court like that,
just tear up the baseline, is Russell Westbrook.
He was so fast, and people were afraid to get in his way.
I saw old Barkley.
No, Charles Barkley's so strong.
In Sioux Falls, we saw him do an exhibition game.
Your boy Pat Jordan took me.
We saw them play the Timberwolves,
and Barkley was not trying at all, but it's cool to see him.
But was Malik Sealy RIP trying?
I don't know who that is now.
I feel bad.
Oh, it's all right.
He was on the Timberwolves.
Who was your second pick?
Well, since I like things that rhyme so much, I'm going to go ahead and pick.
I'm going to pick the hick from French Lick.
Mr. Larry Bizzle.
All day, all night.
I'm stoked.
I got those are my two favorite nicknames almost of all time.
And I got them both.
The hick from French Lick.
It's just cuz he fucking is
was that dude yeah he's like man that guy should not be as good a bass called
Michael Jordan the the black Larry Bird I think no that was Fred Helsing oh
there's another nickname fret we gave fretat Helsing. Oh, Frat Helsing. There's another nickname.
Frat.
We gave Frat.
Frat Helsing.
But didn't you have like a Larry Bird videotape growing up?
My dad used to sit.
He drank a lot, you know, like his father before him.
And he'd get a little tour and he'd be like, all right, bud, I'm going to put.
He'd put in this Larry Bird highlight VHS like I'd never seen it before.
He'd always put it in like, bud, we're going to watch this Larry Bird VHS.
Like it was going to change my life every night.
And I don't know, probably 20, 30 times.
And then Frat ended up getting that same VHS and would do the same thing.
We'd be chilling at the crib and he's like, bud, we're going to put this Larry Bird highlight reel on.
I used to love those VHSs.
I had a couple.
I had Michael Jordan come fly with me.
I had Running Down a Dream, which best. I had Michael Jordan come fly with me. Yeah.
I had Running Down a Dream, which was about the Blazers 92 finals run.
Uh-huh.
And I wore them both out.
It was so good.
Because they're awesome.
We used to, in football, we'd play like hard hitters of the NFL.
But it was from like the late 80s.
And like the best one we'd always watch was Larry Zonka.
Because he played with one bar face mask.
Yeah.
And like a bull ring. And and he was like I just like to
I initiate contact with my head
since you're bringing it up
and I haven't asked you Rhea are you a Ballers
are you a Ballers fan?
the television show? no I haven't watched it
so I'm not like not a fan and also
two things
it's terribly
great
those are the two things about's terrible great yes
that's the other thing
those are the two things
about it
anyway they jumped
the shark again
with Larry Zonka
in the new episode
oh I need to watch it
I haven't watched it yet
there was a dude
one of the dudes
that's on it
who's like a regular
actor on it
whose name I don't know
was I
was given some
very good seats
to a Dodger game
yeah
and he was in
those very good seats
and every single Dodger that went up to bat said hi to him.
Really?
Was it Denzel's kid?
Was it The Rock?
I have no idea.
It might be Denzel.
Was it The Rock?
Come on, David.
Jesus.
I always wanted to be The Rock as cooking.
Come on.
It's good to know that all the Dodgers are watching ballers with us.
I bet it was Denzel's kid.
God, that'd be tight.
Oh, Ricky Jarrett? The hick from French Lick. The hick from French Lick. Larry Bird, dude. this i bet it was larry i bet it was denzel's kid god that'd be title ricky jarrett uh the
hick from french like larry bird dude larry i heard a story about larry bird where uh he has
a sweet tooth i'm always in when you when someone starts like that hey i heard a story about larry
bird i sit down with no chair i'm just like it say it let me google this really quick yep
okay hold on if you're trying to find it I can say that I also had a highlight VHS of my Cleveland baseball team called Wahoo What a Finish.
Yes!
Wahoo!
The 1995 run to lose the World Series.
That's right.
You guys, I have seen my team lose the World Series three times in my lifetime.
That's a crazy amount of times to watch your team lose the World Series. But in my lifetime. That's a crazy amount of
times to watch your team lose the
World Series. But at least they're getting to the dance.
I know, but I agree.
97 was
macabre. And also last
year was...
Last year was crazy.
And everyone
around you was like, good, I'm glad
the Cubs won.
All right, now Hillary's going to win. And everyone around you was like, good, I'm glad the Cubs won. I know.
All right, now Hillary's going to win.
Oh, no.
And then it's like, no, dudes, they're both Trump.
That was like when I won.
I was like, you were wrong.
Vindicating in a weird way.
Yeah, in a weird way.
Still lost completely, but a little bit.
Okay, so here's the Larry Bird story.
So he was injured in like 1990, 91, I think, or something like that. And he was telling a sports writer how he used to like, back in the day, I could gain 15 pounds, lose 15 pounds, no problem.
So when he was injured, he was sitting around, he was so bored.
And in two weeks, he ate 10 gallons of ice cream and seven cakes.
What?
Now, there's a second layer to this.
There's a second layer to this cake.
Larry Bird wanted only the best cakes.
And to accomplish that, he ordered wedding cakes.
Whoa. because he figured
the baker's not going to fuck around and fuck up a wedding cake
they're going to do their best
so he just ordered wedding cakes
Larry Bird is a psychopath
he's a psycho
where did he eat these
at his house
that's the only respectable place
how many gallons of ice cream
could you imagine you walk in on this dude
10 gallons of ice cream? He said. Could you imagine you walk in on this dude? Ten. Ten gallons of ice cream.
In two weeks.
He was so. When asked
about the wedding cakes. Why them? I ate
wedding cakes because I knew they was going to be good.
I mean who would fuck up a wedding cake?
I love that he said fuck in that interview.
He's a surly dude. Who would fuck
up a wedding cake? Well and he talked
all kinds of shit too. Like that's one of my
favorite things about him. I remember in that documentary about him and Magic,
he was talking about how he would, like, go to town
and just, like, he was the youngest,
and he would just, like, make his brothers fight people.
Yeah.
Well, it was Larry who, like, didn't he walk in,
like, who's going to lose?
Wasn't that Larry Bird?
Oh, it was the, I forget, 1988 or something three-point contest.
Yeah.
He walks in. Yeah, that's right. To the locker room with all the other competitors. Which onepoint contest. Yeah. He walks in.
Yeah, that's right.
To the locker room with all the other competitors.
Which one of you motherfuckers is coming in second?
And then he goes out in a shooting shirt, wins, and starts celebrating before his last shot goes in the basket.
In the shooting shirt, shoots it, hands up.
He needed it to go in to win.
Hands up, it goes in.
Of course. Surly motherfucker. I love it. Hands up. He needed it to go in to win. Hands up. It goes in. Of course.
Surly motherfucker.
I love it.
Larry Legend, dude.
A white guy.
And a white guy.
I mean, what kind of-
A real-
A white guy.
A blonde man.
A blonde white guy.
Feathery mustache.
Like a, I'm not going to ask how you feel about Trump kind of way.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, you don't want to know the answer to that question.
You're in the cabinet, ain't you?
Yeah.
Larry Bird never stepped down from the Economic Advisory Board.
In shape, but absolutely no muscle definition.
Yeah, no.
It was all hard.
Crushing Miller Lights in the locker room.
Charles Barkley said Larry Bird got them all drunk one time.
And then he said, quote, Larry Bird doesn't drink regular beer.
That's great.
He drinks wedding cake beer.
He just pours it all over a wedding cake.
Friend of the podcast and basketball writer Zach Lowe.
Sure.
Not to be confused with Zach Harper.
Not to be confused.
Enemy of the podcast.
Enemy.
Fishes, fishes.
Friend of the podcast.
No, he's a friend of the podcast who I hate no he's a friend of the podcast
but Zach Lowe
on his podcast
had a great interview
with Jackie McMullen
who tells some fun
Larry Bird stories
so you should check that out
yep
the hick from French Lick
hick from French Lick
Ian now it's time
for your second pick
for my second pick
now I am going
from the basketball court
my love
to the gridiron
my passion
at least in high school and I have to pick there was a man basketball court, my love, to the gridiron, my passion.
At least in high school.
And I have to pick.
There was a man who played in the 80s and the 90s.
I bet I know where you're going.
I don't know if you do.
I don't?
All right, all right.
I don't know if you do.
Now I'm worried. He played in Kansas City, Missouri.
He was a running back.
Yeah.
Oh, do you?
This is my second pick, yeah.
I'm taking the Nigerian Nightmare.
I knew it.
Christian Okoye.
It was going to happen.
It was going to happen.
It had to come out.
It was going to happen.
The Nigerian Nightmare is the fucking...
It's such a dank nickname.
It's such a dank nickname.
It was definitely on my list as well.
Yep. He was out there. He was definitely on my list as well. Yep.
He was out there.
He was like six feet tall, 250 pounds.
Yeah.
Just fucking terrifying.
Who else was in the backfield with him?
He went to a pro bowl.
He went to two.
Dude, he was good.
He was pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was out there running people over.
He was a Nigerian nightmare.
He was like built too.
He was built back in the day when maybe he was on steroids.
Like maybe. Who's checking? I wasn't checking. I wasn't looking into it. He was born, too. He was built back in the day when maybe he was on steroids. Like maybe.
Who's checking?
I wasn't checking.
I wasn't looking into it.
He was born in Nigeria.
Yeah.
And he was a nightmare.
Terrible twos.
Come on.
Get out of here.
Talk about terrible twos.
Yeah.
In the Kansas City Chiefs Hall of Fame.
Not bad.
Only 40 career touchdowns.
Turns out he's kind of lucky he had that dope nickname.
Otherwise, probably pretty forgettable.
Yeah, no, very average.
Yeah, very average player, but it was a great nickname.
Yeah.
Yeah, that nickname's real tight.
It's a good nickname.
It sounds like a nice medicinal strain of marijuana also.
Yeah, that's a great point.
I don't know if I would smoke Nigerian.
No, you'd stay away from that.
That's what you do before a party?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some Nigerian night, man. I don't smoke weed. That's Nigerian no that doesn't sound you'd stay away from that that's what you do before like a party no
yeah yeah yeah
some Nigerian nightmare
I don't smoke weed
that's what you do before
like a business conference
yeah
I think I'm staying away from it
for every occasion
really
yo Nigerian nightmare
maybe right before you eat
10 wedding cakes
oh yeah actually
yeah
I would smoke some shit
called Christian Okoye
I would I don't know I would smoke a human called Christian Okoye.
I would smoke a human highlight reel, that's for sure.
That's what we got to do. Which one of these weed strains would you like to smoke at the end of this?
Okay, yeah.
When it's all said and done, I would smoke Soto Mojo for sure.
Soto Mojo, Soto Mojo.
King James?
King James?
Yeah, King James.
This shit's so good it'll make you believe in the Bible.
Well, now my picks
are going to be a little bit
of that heavy.
Like, would this make
a good strain of weed?
I don't know.
I would pass on the round mound
rebound.
I would too.
Yeah, I would.
Yeah, not puff puff,
but pass on that.
The puff.
Although,
I would puff puff.
Round mound rebound,
it's like helps with hangovers
if that's why they call it that.
These sound like edibles.
The heck from French Lick sounds like an edible, and so does the Round Round Rebound.
Could be.
The weed they put in edibles is just normal.
That's like, right?
I mean, it's not different weed.
I mean, it's extra.
So.
Let's all get out of here.
Christian McCoy. Great podcast. Let's all just get out of here i don't have much else to say about him i do like when somebody's
country of origin is in their nickname i think that's fun it's a good one i think that's fun
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yeah uh but you're david boy and it's time for your second pick so my second one i kind of thought
it was gonna go in the first but then i like, it's kind of a weird pick.
I'm going with sugar.
Which one?
Ray Leonard?
No, I'm going with the nickname sugar.
Well, just for anyone?
It's all the still sugar.
What sugar?
They're all sugar.
All the sugar.
I'm saying sugar.
I'm taking sugar off the board.
Honey?
What?
Is that?
Can I not do that?
I just want to know which one they mixed up.
I think they were just like freewheeling in there.
Ray Robertson?
Shane Mosley?
Yeah, okay.
Here we go.
Ray Leonard?
I was just looking for some effects on it.
That's all.
Oh, yeah.
I think it's the only nickname i can think of that has been
passed down generation to generation in sports all the sugar ever happened are they all boxers
yeah yeah what has that ever happened what other nickname has done that that is true that's pretty
incredible yeah that's like that i think that's a there's a lot of hot rods though right there
are some hot rods there's a couple of hot rods i Rod Williams. I believe that. Hot Rod Hundley. I believe that.
But were they sanctioned?
To compliment your point, there are handed down nicknames.
Okay.
I'm validating your choice. And I feel good about it.
It's not a crazy thing.
I'm not a lone gunman.
You're up there shooting me.
Sugar Shane Torres, Golden Gloves boxer as he lies on occasion.
Sugar Ray Robinson killed someone in the ring.
Also, not his real name.
What?
Not his real name.
His name was like, I can look it up.
He went to box AAU when he was too young, so he took a birth certificate from his friend Ray Robertson and used that to sign up for an AAU tournament.
Really?
Walker Smith Jr.
There you go.
And the lady said he was sweet as sugar.
Really?
Yeah.
God damn.
There it is.
And then Sugar Ray Leonard just loved him so much.
Because Sugar Ray Robertson also pink Cadillac, very ostentatious black prize fighter.
And he killed that dude. And he killed that dude.
And he killed that dude.
And he killed that dude.
Prize fighter.
Is that bad?
That's the coolest thing to be.
It's like being a gun for hire.
Yeah.
Right, a prize fighter.
I'm a prize fighter.
That's why I just can't, and people are going to be really mad at me, and if you're into
it, I'm not saying don't be into it.
I'm saying that's why I can't get into it.
I just can't get into the MMA thing.
Cause it doesn't have,
it just doesn't have the same thing that boxing has.
I'm not like some big boxing head or whatever,
but my grandpa would watch it all the time and I would just sit down and
watch it.
And so like,
I totally have a thing for boxing and like,
it just,
you can call that a prize fighter,
but I don't know that you would ever call an MMA fighter,
UFC fighter,
prize fighter.
It just, that slight difference or whatever. And again, I'm't know that you would ever call an MMA fighter, UFC fighter a prize fighter. It's just that slight
difference or whatever. And again,
I'm not saying that they're shitty.
It's just my thing.
Still very athletic. Still a skill.
It's the reason I can
be sort of fascinated. I put all
the terrible stuff all these things do aside, but
a Catholic mass is
more interesting to me than going to one of these
mega churches because there's a history to it
and there's a ceremony to it.
And they're not just punching this dude on the ground.
There's no chain link fence.
Yeah, there's no chain link.
That feels like after school.
I know.
I've been trying to get away from chain link fences
my whole life.
I don't want to watch it on TV.
Nothing is ever good going down
with a chain link fence.
These are good points.
That's like Roadhouse.
Yeah, dude.
It is like Roadhouse.
And that's what people like about it, but I don't like that about it.
I think that a prize fighter has to be some guy that you can call the champ.
The champ.
Like, oh, champ is here.
Yeah, when he walks into dinner.
I say that to myself a lot.
Sure.
I might start introducing you as a prize fighter at certain occasions.
I would love it. You should. My friend David is a prize fighter at certain occasions. I would love it.
He's my friend David. He's a prize fighter.
I fight for the bag.
I don't do it for the belts.
I do it for the bag.
It's for the bag.
The belts come with the bag, though.
I get both things,
but the focus is on the bag.
All the sugars.
All right, man.
Yeah.
All the sugars.
All the sugars.
We're playing fast and loose in year two.
I'm going weird.
Yeah.
It's going weird.
Rhea, it is time for your second, and then after that, your third pick.
As it is, a serpentine drop.
Swap in time.
Awesome.
So I'm going to go with one that I just thought of, and i realized that it is a great nickname because
i was trying to think of some skateboard nicknames and i couldn't really think of any
i think that uh bam margera is like one of the greatest nicknames of all time yeah because he
it complements his uh style of skateboarding perfectly his name i just was looking up his
brand his name's brandon cole oh that's right. Wait, his name's Brandon Cole?
Brandon Cole Margera.
Oh, okay.
Margera's still his last name.
Margera's still the real name.
I was like, wow, Bam Margera is, for those two to be a name is crazy.
Oh, yeah.
But it's just like such a great nickname because he, holy shit, did that guy just throw himself
off of anything.
Yeah.
I mean, he was just Bam Bam.
Well, and just physically, like he would, him and his friends would beat the shit out
of each other all the time.
Bam. Like all constantly would of each other all the time. Bam.
Like, all constantly would hit each other in the face.
But I just remember when he used to, he was, like, the king of dropping in on stuff that
was straight down.
Like, right into the-
But he was, like, able to do it somehow.
Like, just throwing his-
He could take a lick.
Yeah.
It's astonishing some of the shit he did.
Like, off of, like, when you walk into the Staples Center or something, there's those
huge pillars. Yeah. You're like, well, that'd the Staples Center or something, there's those huge pillars.
You're like,
well, that'd be
in a video game.
Somebody would do that
and then Bam would go ahead
and just drop in on it.
Just drop in on it.
And sometimes he would
just eat shit.
Most of the time
he would do it.
That's so scary.
He was just so gnarly
and it was like early
before he was on MTV
and all that stuff.
Like CKY?
CKY videos and shit
were just so crazy.
So, so crazy. So, so
crazy. That shit was crazy to see.
Epically later, you should watch it too.
Did it come out? No, I saw the ads for it when I was
watching King of the Roadshot. Oh, the band one is out?
It's on YouTube. They got the whole thing uncut.
Oh man, I can't wait. It's fucking awesome. That's what I'm
going to do tonight. Yep. I love that
show a lot. Epically later? Oh yeah.
Oh, it's great. Great.
Documentary series about skateboarding.
I skated a bowl in Columbus, Ohio
at the Wexner Center
that was traveling around
for that Beautiful Losers
exhibit that was going on
with Patrick O'Dell.
Really?
He was there skating that time.
Patrick O'Dell's the guy
that makes Epicly Later.
Oh, dope.
A photographer
and now he's like a...
You guys are going to have to
pull the ripcord on this
because we're just going to sit and talk about skating.
I like it.
You guys do an offshoot skateboarding podcast.
Skateboarding AP.
You guys throw in some baller stuff.
We'll talk about skating, and then we got, like,
the trifecta podcast.
Hey, I'm Hip Cats.
Yeah.
I follow Daiwan Song on Instagram.
I went to the Battle at the barracks and met Eric Koston.
You're goddamn right you did.
That's amazing.
I am trying to go to the
street league thing.
It's going to be in the past when this comes out.
Sean doesn't want to go.
I got two tickets.
Wait, how'd you score two tickets?
Dude at work just gave them to me today.
They're vouchers.
Does he listen to the podcast?
No.
Oh, because Sean was like, I don't know if I want to go with this dude.
But then it worked out.
Because he doesn't listen to the podcast.
Yeah, and I might actually go with him.
Because we got, I mean, two tickets.
Unless we can hash all this out after.
Yeah, we'll figure it out.
The listeners don't have to.
We'll figure it out.
Just know that two of us will be at Street League this Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
So Bam's life fell apart
a little bit.
Now he's putting it
back together again.
Yeah, he went to,
well, I don't want to
wreck anything.
He's picking up the pieces.
He's in the trailer,
but yeah, he's picking up
the pieces.
You know, as they say.
He got too famous.
There was a lot going.
I mean, the amount of famous
that that guy got
is just insane.
He was the, I mean, he was.
He was so famous.
He wasn't a skateboarder after a while. He was the, I mean, he was, he was so famous. He wasn't a skateboarder
after a while.
He was the MTV,
like the face of MTV.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He had Viva La Bam,
Jackass.
He had that logo
that was on like every car,
that heartogram.
It was somebody else's logo?
It was him.
Was it really?
It was like a Swedish fan.
Oh yeah, it's Infernal Majesty, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I knew people
that got that tattoo
and I just could not figure it out.
I was like,
this is the dude's thing.
I understand getting like...
It just made no sense to me
that you would get somebody's...
Getting someone else's
favorite band as your tattoo
because you think they're cool.
That's literally what it is.
I wonder how many people didn't know that it was him
until they got it
and they were just like,
I guess I'm really into him now.
I thought Bam made this.
No, I like him a lot.
Yeah.
And wasn't that a funny moment, too?
Because he was still on Element.
Yeah.
Trying to jive Element's design with his just right turn into gothic punkness.
Purple and black heartograms all over the Element, like red, white, and blue.
But they still kept it on the nose
yeah
and then still had that
like pilled half design
anyway
he still is one of the best
pros on element
like he's still one of the
biggest board sellers
it's crazy
makes so much sense
this guy's swimming in it man
no I like it
no more Kenny
I can't think of his last name
Kenny Hughes
yeah Kenny Hughes
I had a Kenny Hughes featherlight
one of the first featherlights
painted it all black
what's a featherlight is that a board yeah the light one I. Painted it all black. What's a feather light?
Is that a board?
Yeah, the light one.
I think they had six plies.
Yeah.
They took a ply out.
That's a good call.
They do that.
Less wood.
Oh, they pop one of those plies out?
They popped a ply out.
David's breaking it down for us.
Shorty's, that shit's got popped.
It popped out a ply.
Not a big deal.
Oh, man.
I ride a four ply.
People just say I'm crazy.
You're on a four ply?
I'm a four ply.
I got 15 ply at worst. Friend of the podcast, Chris Sharp ride a four-ply. I got 15-ply at worst.
Friend of the podcast, Chris Charpentier is on board.
I know you two are on board.
Would you be on board with renting like a van and we just go on a skateboard spot tour
throughout the city?
Oh, for sure.
Oh, wouldn't that be fun?
Hands down.
Pack some lunch in there and we just watch videos of all the dang spots?
Only if we can listen to that Superman song.
Yeah, we can.
On repeat.
Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
So here I am. Thinking I'm a Superman. I'm Margera. On repeat. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. So here I am.
Singing, I'm a Superman.
I'm Margera.
Now, that was third pick.
Second pick.
Second pick.
Yeah, yeah.
I still got to do my third one.
Oh, goddamn.
Let's see.
Don't take all the skateboarders.
No, I'm not going to.
All right, good.
That was my only one.
Third pick.
I'm going to go with this one because it makes me laugh.
So there is a first baseman, also DH, designated hitter for the Cleveland baseball team,
whose name, who has a nickname that almost no one uses.
They rarely use it.
Sometimes they'll just describe him as being this.
But it is his nickname, and I love it so much.
I'm talking about Carlos Smooth Santana.
Oh, shit.
Holy fucking buckets that day.
Almost nobody calls him that.
Shit.
But occasionally they do.
They'll be like, Smooth by Carlos Santana.
And it's so, I love it so much.
I'll tell you what, if Smooth's my nickname,
everyone's calling me Smooth.
Oh, yeah.
I'm getting that point across real quick.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Can I say,
it's not going to spoil it now. None of you guys were going to take
it. I was going to take Big Smooth
next for Sam Perkins. Oh, yeah.
Sammy Perkins.
It's such a good name.
But wait, are you guys getting the second
layer of the fact that the song is
Carlos Santana made a song called Smooth?
I'm not a jerk because it didn't come out.
Oh, no, no, yeah. I was about to bring up how smooth.
Yeah, it's like.
That song is played in every Taco Bell every single day since it's been released.
That song, I loved that song.
Across the country.
I was hook, line, and sinker when that thing came out.
I like the whole album.
Talent show at Lincoln High School.
Justin Niebuhr and Vanessa Hohn doing a dance.
It was like a little bit much for a high school talent show to that song.
Well, it's a hot one.
They're doing this like hand up the side of the body thing.
Oh, what the hell?
Who's letting this ride?
Strictly ballroom.
It's a hot one.
David, will you keep singing?
It's a hot one.
Like seven.
I don't know all the words to that song.
Man, it's a hot one.
My Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa.
You're my reason for reason.
I hear your name.
You step in my groove.
I love that this is sad.
This life ain't good enough.
I would give my world to lift you up.
I would change my life to better suit your mood.
Why, David?
Because it's so smooth.
The greatest song ever recorded.
And that's his nickname.
The whole song is his nickname.
The whole song is? It's a hot one. He gets And that's his nickname. The whole song is his nickname. The whole song. It's a hot one.
He gets into bed.
Excuse me.
And then they play the whole song.
And then they're done.
Your dinner, your table's ready.
Excuse me.
Smooth by Carlos Santana.
Play the whole song.
The table for two.
I love that he's probably too young to really know that song.
Yeah, how old is he?
He's like great.
I mean, he's been in the-
24?
I don't know.
I have no idea who he is even
but when did that song hit
I want to say it was like a senior
98 99
my last series of columns that I ever
wrote for the Portland Mercury was a
four a month long
re-examination of the
album Supernatural by Carlos
yeah but had that other good song that
sampled that Rihanna. Really? Yeah. Well, it had that other good song that Rihanna just
sampled. He's 31. He's 31?
Oh, yeah. He knows. He knows all
about it. He knows. You can tell. He was in
eighth grade, probably. You can see it in his face. He's like...
That shit was his. It's like it is
a hot one. Do you think that shit was poppin' in the Dominican
Republic? He's from Mexico.
Oh, wait. No, he's not. Was he Dominican?
Pretty sure. I don't know what their
music scene is like, to be honest with you.
Yeah, he's from the DR.
Oh, you're right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
100%.
I bet it was.
I feel like there's such strong DR-US ties that you would think.
And it's like a hot weather song, maybe.
It's a hot weather.
I mean, that also as well.
Am I crazy thinking that?
Yeah, that's true.
No.
I think it was an everywhere song.
I mean, you heard it up in Screw Falls, South Dakota.
It's actually Sioux Falls.
You mispronounced it,
but yeah.
We did get it up there.
We had to have someone
bring us a copy of a CD
and then we all stared at that
for a couple years
and then we played it.
That other song
you were talking about,
was it the one with Wyclef
that they sampled?
Yeah.
Shit, I like it too.
Maria, Maria. Maria, Maria. Yeah. You remind me of a yeah shit I like it too Maria Maria
Maria Maria
you remind me of a west side story
that song's good
I just can't stand that Rob dude from
I don't like his
as much as I love his voice I don't like his voice
yeah that's what it sounds like
that era of our lives I wish didn't happen
it was crazy
well Eddie I mean thanks Eddie he did it right but then everybody else of our lives I wish didn't happen. It was crazy.
Well, Eddie, I mean,
he did it right,
but then everybody else, although Lane Staley had it and still did it well.
To go back to Rob Thomas
real quick, I was complaining about him.
And my mom, she goes,
you should see his wife.
And I go, what the fuck does that have to do?
Like, I'm going to be into the guy cause he's got a pretty wife.
I'm like,
I,
that doesn't mean I like Rob Thomas.
Now that's just bananas,
mom.
It's a terrible haircut.
Kelly Jordan.
He had that Caesar,
but he was doing it wrong.
It was,
he wasn't doing it.
I don't think a lot of people were doing it that right.
You guys,
I,
I caught the Brady Bunch movie the other night.
Oh,
and one of the throwaway jokes was that chick's harder to get into
than a Pearl Jam concert.
Jesus!
And I loved how
the writing on that movie was like
we're gonna date the 90s also.
Yeah.
We are gonna go super hard
on the 90s. Like they go to a dance
and there are signs everywhere that says no guns.
It's just a crazy issue.
I highly recommend
re-watching the Brady Bunch
movie, you guys.
It's actually really funny
because we all make stuff now
and so when I watch,
there's this extra layer,
but Gary Cole's performance
as Mike Brady is so...
And fucking Diane Chambers
as Florence Henderson.
Oh, wow.
It's so good.
Is it on Hulu?
No, it was playing on IFC.
I just thought it was somewhere.
It could be on Hulu.
I still like telling people that they're groovy in a far out kind of way.
That's one of my favorite lines from that movie.
Hey, you're groovy in a far out kind of way.
Friend of the podcast and my roommate Solomon Giorgio.
Oh, hell yeah.
He told me to watch that movie.
I mean, we are having a Saturday coming up.
We are having a Saturday.
We can watch it.
That could be before golf balls after steak.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Breakfast movie.
Breakfast steak.
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episode uh carlos smooth santana excellent david boy, it's time for your third pick. Yeah, that's a good one.
My third pick, a real plain name,
but I'm here for the billboards.
I'm here for the pageantry.
I'm here for, I got big dreams from a small town.
And I've always loved the idea of the
nickname Mr. October.
Yeah, dude. Reggie Jackson.
I fucking love it. So cool.
Did you get the poster of Mr. October from your Frosted Flakes cereal box in 1994 or
5 or 6?
I had a Bash Bros poster.
Yeah.
They did a series where they had-
I feel bad.
I feel bad.
No, I mean, I like that one.
They were cool, too.
That's a great nickname, too.
Yeah, that was a good nickname.
Yeah, yeah.
I was like, can I go home?
But anyways-
Off the table now.
The point is, Mr. October, you got it in the cereal box?
I did.
That was the one I got like 20 times.
I could not get Ken Griffey Jr.
Yeah.
He was, it was really hard to get Ken Griffey Jr. stuff without paying for it.
They knew what they were doing.
Yeah.
I went to, just a short story.
I went to Boys and Girls Club.
I went to Al Davies Boys and Girls Club, Tacoma, Washington.
And they were like, we're having a Meet the mariners day and it was like everybody but junior oh it was like it was like
yeah cool mike flowers i'm glad you signed this that was the first time you said fuck to an adult
yeah what the fuck are we even doing here
but yeah i love i think mr october just, it's just such a cool, like, yeah, the playoff,
yeah, I'm Mr. October.
Was it three dingers in a game?
Is that what it was?
Huh?
Was it three?
Am I crazy out of line?
Wasn't it three homers in one game that got him that nickname?
He did do that.
Is that what it was?
But he was just about him.
He was just clutching.
He was just dominating in October.
Yeah, he just did.
During the World Series.
That's when the, right?
I mean, the way baseball used to be timed was the World Series would only happen in October, right? It just did. During the World Series. That's when the... Right? I mean, the way baseball
used to be timed
was the World Series
would only happen in October.
It still does.
It still does.
It just bleeds into November 1
or whatever.
Didn't they call Derek Jeter
Mr. November?
Yes.
Yes, and I didn't like it.
Yeah, I don't like it either.
I didn't like it.
He's the captain.
Come on.
He's the captain.
Just leave it alone.
You don't need any more than that.
That's enough.
You're on the Yankees and you're the captain? You're the captain. Be grateful. You's the captain. Just leave it alone. You don't need any more than that. That's enough. You're on the Yankees and you're the captain?
You're the captain.
Be grateful.
You're the captain of the Yankees.
Yeah, right.
I'm the king of the gold bar havers.
That was bad, but you are though.
I try.
Silver bars.
You're the only person I know that has a silver bar.
Yeah, that's true.
So that makes you the king of gold bars.
You better keep it that way.
Because I don't know anyone with a gold bar either.
I'm the precious metals king.
But yeah, Mr. October.
I just like the way it sounds.
I think it's so-
Sounds like a-
It's just really cool, man.
Like a hitman.
It's just really cool.
And just like, it sounds big.
Like big time, like baseball.
It's a whole month.
It's a whole month.
You're named after a whole month.
It's a whole month.
Like they got, yeah, Sunday Tiger Woods, because he's great on Sundays.
This dude was clutch in October.
Yeah.
Wouldn't matter.
You don't want to be Mr. April.
Nobody wants to be Mr. April.
That's just a hunky fireman calendar right there.
I don't need another one of those.
Yeah.
You are Mr. April.
Yeah.
I'm the whole month.
Just different parts of the pool.
But I'm the whole year is what I meant to say. Mr. Whenever you need me. Mr. Whenever you need me. Mr. July is when I'm just getting month just different parts of the pool I'm the whole year is what I meant to say
Mr. Whenever you need me
Mr. July is when I'm just getting into the pool
Mr. August is when I'm cracking a beer on the other end
I also
I also love
I also love Mr. nicknames
Sure
Or like any nickname with a title in it
Don't
Another thing that Reggie Jackson called himself was the straw that stirs the drink.
Wow.
Yeah, because he used to be on the Athletics, I believe.
And the Yankees went out and got him because the Yankees had a lot of pieces that were good.
Reggie Jackson was like, you need me.
You need the guy that stirs the drink.
You can't give yourself
your own nickname though
no no no
yeah
Mr. Rock says the rattlesnake
Reggie Jackson also had
candy bars dude
that was back in the day
when you could have
a candy bar
now there's James Harden
has those gummy beards
got some
you have some
do we eat those
no
LeBron had that
LeBron had that gum
for a while
he had Bubba Lister
did you try the LeBron
lightning lemonade
no I missed the LeBron gum I had that right when he was coming out of high school he try the LeBron lemonade? No, I missed the LeBron gum.
Right when he was coming out of high school,
he got it. LeBron's got that Sprite
that I'm into.
Him and Vince Staples. That's the good Sprite.
Mix that with any kind of flavored vodka
and you're going on a ride. And he drives a Kia.
Just watch me go into the games
in my fucking Kia.
No, I swear to God I'm going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I drive a Kia.
I'm going to drive around Los Angeles, California
with a Kia.
He might drive the Kia
from his front door
to his Lamborghini.
That might be what he uses
the Kia for.
Still counts.
Yeah.
Still counts.
That's got to be whack.
You know what I mean?
They're like,
your agents are coming to you
and they're like,
so it's going to be like
$750,000.
And you're like, great.
You're going to have to be
seen in a Kia in it's a kia
i think at that level i could be listen i'm lebron fucking james i'm cool and
you could put me on rollerblades that's true i did that for you yeah really like
isn't it that uh kia is sponsored by lebron james as opposed to LeBron James is sponsored. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. He's like, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, God.
We needed somebody.
Everyone thinks we make microwaves.
Blake Griffin's knees are going.
We need you.
Mr. October is a great pick.
That is so good.
My list is surprisingly baseball.
I laugh every time I hear it. It's such a good one. Mr. October is so good pick my list is surprisingly baseball I laugh every time I hear it
Mr. October is so good
he really likes Halloween
he just wants to dress up
he's just always playing pranks
Mr. October
Mr. October is shopping
Reggie is going to make a haunted house
out of the locker room
how stoked would you be if you were on a team and someone did that?
That'd be awesome.
It depends on if we won or lost.
God, that'd be tight.
After a game, it's just like this.
They spend the whole game setting up and you're like, dude, Reggie, if you would have been
out there, instead of working on this goddamn haunted house, we would have won the game.
He's like, who filled my batting helmet with spaghetti?
It's brain.
All right. All right.
All right, Reg.
I spent two hours peeling these grapes.
Yeah.
Just peel your grapes.
By the way, that's-
And they're arguing, and there's a moment of silence, but then the windsocks, the ghost
windsocks go off, and it's like-
I just fucking love that sound effect. you a halloween person i mean not
really all right i don't like get into it or anything but i like thinking about the old shit
i get into it i like a halloween i mean i like it i like it i just don't like sure horror stuff
oh sure i'm with you people go real hard into the horror stuff that's where i'm at
i like the family friendly uh sort like yeah, giving out candy.
Hot apple cider. I like spooky.
I like spooky too.
The scary movies that we're all like
we're going to peel your skin off.
And then you're like, okay, so you'll do it in another room.
No, you watch.
I don't want to fucking see this.
I don't want to fucking see this.
I think it's the Saw generation.
My Aunt Lynn has every one
of those horror movies and just watches it and giggles and eats popcorn and shit.
I can't do it.
Lunatic shit.
Bananas.
Shout out to Aunt Lynn.
Shout out to Aunt Lynn.
Going crazy in Watertown.
Not a saint, but definitely an aunt.
Shout out to Saint Sue Carmel.
Saint Sue Carmel.
Oh, Saint Sarah, boy.
She's on a cruise right now.
You want to shout out to Saint one of your parents? Oh, shout out, boy. She's on a cruise right now. You want to shout out? You want to do a saint one of your parents?
Oh, shout out to my parents.
Saint.
We'll saint them up.
Oh, I'll saint up my mom.
Yeah, there it is.
Saint up Diane.
There we go.
There it is.
Saint Diane.
One N.
Oh, yeah.
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Like an American.
No time to waste.
You had to save the other N for that saint. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No time to waste. No time to waste. No time to waste. You had to save the other ends for that saint.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's time for my third pick.
And with my third pick, I'm going to go back to the hardwood.
I'm going to honor a team that the day we're recording this released a dope-ass throwback
jersey, a throwback jersey with a Jordan logo on it.
Oh, okay.
And that is the only difference between that jersey
and the one originally worn by Larry
Grandmama Johnson. Damn!
I was...
That was up there for me. Fucking Larry
Johnson, dude. The inspiration
for Uncle... A lot of people think Uncle Drew
thought this up. No. No. Grandmama,
baby. Direct descendant of Grandma. He had a
gold tooth. He had a gold tooth!
And he had a part down the middle.
And that part.
He had the middle part.
He looked like a car dealer from the 30s.
When he went to the Knicks, he was just like fucking beating the shit out of people.
He was so big.
He had enough.
Larry Johnson.
He was so big.
He was darling as hell.
And when he was on those Dobex Charlotte Hornets teams, he was amazing.
I had a turquoise, a purple, and a white Larry Johnson stolen jersey.
All three of them stolen from Sears.
Got it done.
That's how important he was.
Those turquoise jerseys were it.
I had a-
Still the Hornets when I play NBA gym.
I think I had an Alonzo Mourning one back in the day.
Hell yeah.
Because I didn't know any better.
If I knew now, I'd have either a Muggsy Bogues, maybe a Rex Chapman.
Oh, Rex Chapman.
I don't know if they were cranking those Rex Chapmans up.
You have to be in Charlotte to get a Rex Chapman.
We're going to lose money if we ship it all the way up to Sheboygan,
so we're just going to leave him down here in Charlotte.
The grandmama nickname, which he came to embrace and liked,
but originally he signed with Converse,
and they sold him on this commercial where it was going to be him on an operating table.
Yeah.
With Larry Bird and Magic Johnson being like, I want to call him, I want to call him, you know, Larry Bird being like, let's call him Larry.
And Magic Johnson being like, let's call him Johnson.
I want to call him Larry.
So with the two greats like arguing over him.
Yeah.
And they gave him the okie doke.
We're like, no, we're going to, you're going to play a grandma.
And it's going to be funny.
You're going to be the Duncan grandma.
You gave him the okie doke.
You're going to cross dress.
Yeah.
Right.
Which is problematic.
It's a problematic history with young black men.
But what was even grandma?
What would she,
she would just dunk on people.
She was a Duncan grandma.
Yeah.
Was this before or after the rap in grandma? This. Yeah. Was this before or after the rapping grandma?
This was before.
I feel like this was before rapping grandma?
Before rapping grandma.
What's rapping grandma?
Is that from The Wedding Singer?
Or was there a different rapping grandma?
I feel like there's just a lot of rapping grandma.
Is that the one you're talking about?
You could just throw that in front of people.
I said a hip hop.
That one?
That rapping grandma from The Wedding Singer?
Those of you who are listening, the rapping grandma's not
in here. She wasn't here. That was actually me.
That was Sean. I said a hip.
A hop. A hip beats. It's not here again.
Just me. I had some water, so
it sounded kind of deceiving. I had that
honey in my voice, but yeah.
Honey from a hornet.
What is honey?
Gold tooth, middle part, grandmama.
Larry Johnson. Colin's the Middle Park Grandmama Larry Johnson
Duncan
yeah hell yeah
when Collinson
went Grandmama
with him like
throwing down
the most powerful dunks
didn't he go to UNLV
yeah
I don't know why
but that makes it even
like
he's like the most
UNLV
for sure
right
he probably made more
money at UNLV
than he did at the NBA
I literally cannot think
about any other player
playing for UNLV
no
that's where he got
the gold teeth
Sean it's time for your third pick and fourth pick about any other player playing for you. That's where he got the gold teeth.
Sean, it's time for your third pick.
And fourth pick.
This is tricky.
I feel bad because I'm not going away from basketball,
but I'm really, for this one, I'm just shooting for what I think are the funniest, best nicknames.
And I'm going to pick the big fundamental, Tim Duncan.
Oh, the big fundamental.
Oh, yeah.
A name as boring as his style of play.
I laugh every time I hear that nickname.
The big fundamental because it's just, you just think of chess passes and like side shuffling down the courts.
But one of the best players, you know, he's fantastic.
Son of the U.S. Virgin Islands.
Not even triple threat, just like fundamentals.
Fundamentals.
I love a nickname that is kind of shame. Son of the U.S. Virgin Islands. Not even triple threat, just like fundamentals. Nope. Fundamentals.
I love a nickname that is kind of shade.
What is he good at?
The fundamentals.
Yeah, yeah.
The coach is like, well, I mean, yeah, we lost because the big fundamental is doing the fundamentals out there.
But they rarely lost because of that. That team won a lot of games.
He was so good.
Well, no, I'm saying like I should say the opposing coach is like bummed about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, you know, it's like everyone's
doing behind the back. Tim Duncan chest bounce
pass, you know, the layup. He's not
he's not Duncan.
Should be Tim ain't Duncan.
It was a misdemeanor.
It should have been Tim like three foot jumper
right for the elbow.
But he's as big
fundamental as Dominic Wilkins is.
Yes.
And that sucks because at Thanksgiving,
if they're sitting around Tim Duncan's crib talking about the big fundamental,
they're like, yeah, I mean, it makes sense, you know?
Well, only one of them's got championship rings.
I feel like Dominic Wilkins might trade.
That's what I'm saying.
Big fundamental to him.
Yeah.
He was a swimmer
he grew up as a swimmer
I mean
it's pretty basic
before making the transition
to basketball
seems like a pretty basic thing
that he would start with
be like alright
I don't have to talk to anyone ever
I can just swim
I don't even have to hear people
most of the time
pictures of Tim Duncan
like post game interviews
like what he would wear
exactly what you would think
like what a CPA would wear
no he would wear
like a houndstooth blazer
no he would wear like a tan suit somebody houndstooth blazer. No, he would wear like shit.
A tan suit.
Somebody who would be like in high school, really into gaming.
Like he'll wear like way too big.
He'll wear like khaki pants and then like a way too big short sleeve button up.
Like you know if he was allowed to wear one with like a Naruto graphic on it, he would.
That would have been cooler to me though.
Right.
If he had just come out and been like, I love Naruto, I would have been like, all right right if he'd have just come out and been like i love naruto i would have been like all right tim duncan now i'm on board like now i'm with it he's
supposed to be dope as hell off the court he just loves it's like i love spaghetti and meatballs
and a cold glass of water to wash it down just a nice not freezing because my absensitive teeth
you're a big fan of the Honda Accord. It's reliable.
It's reasonable.
I only get gas at one place.
From point A to point B, I'm tall.
I've never eaten a Big Mac.
Too flashy.
Listen, if I like toast for breakfast when I was 11,
I'm going to like it when I'm 50.
So why would I go anywhere else except toast for breakfast?
It was good when I was 11.
If it ain't broke, still put it in the toaster
and give it to me for breakfast. That was a great I was 11. If it ain't broke, still put it in the toaster and give it to me for breakfast.
That was a great
pick. Sure. Big fundamental. It's time for
your big fourth pick.
I'll get out of basketball.
You don't have to. Nobody's saying you have to.
I feel like I should.
This one, we're going into
MMA.
We're going to go Joey,
the Mexicutioner Beltran.
The Mexicutioner?
The Mexicutioner.
That feels like it could go either way.
It could be hilarious to me.
He's Mexican, right?
Yes.
It would be hilarious if he wasn't.
It's actually Larry Bird's other nickname.
Joey Beltran.
Is he one of the MMA fighters who you saw?
Yes.
We were in Houston. He's a notable dude. We were in Houston. Joey Beltran, is he one of the MMA fighters who you saw? Yes. Okay.
We were in Houston, and he's a notable dude,
but we were in Houston, and they said that.
They were just like, I'd never been to an MMA fight, and we were very, the round mound of rebound.
Actually, the round mound of rebound was like two rows behind me.
That's how bucked the seats were.
We were on the floor.
What was he doing in an MMA match?
I don't know, man.
What the fuck was I doing there?
Getting drunk with Jaleel White
or whatever he does.
Yeah, that is his shit.
A buddy had the hookup
and some tickets,
so we were sitting
like fifth row floor
and I've never been into it.
I'm not opposed to it,
but when I was there,
I was like,
holy shit,
they are extremely athletic.
So I was getting into it, had a couple beers beers and then i just hear ladies and gentlemen i didn't hear anything until
the mexicutioner it's like what what's going on doug was freaking out about it too it was
it's just a gnarly nickname here's the thing about some mma and like i'm gonna say a lot of mma
fighters and especially the good ones they never look like they're in that great a shape.
They're kind of doughy strong.
They're built weird.
That's why I thought McGregor was going to die.
Yeah.
I thought he was going to die, too.
I can't believe he went 10 rounds.
I know.
I mean, he kind of did, though, right?
I think Floyd carried him the last four.
That's not here.
Getting 10 rounds in a fight that he should have lost in like 30 seconds is crazy.
Well, I think both sides got him to 10 rounds.
That's what Floyd does.
Yeah.
I think you brought him to 10 rounds.
Well, he beats women.
And then the other thing he does is he beats people at 10 rounds.
The main thing he does is beats women.
Fucking prick.
I don't even mind.
I shouldn't say this.
Get fired type of shit.
Yeah.
Guys, go to Twitter. Ian's going to have a rant about
No, that's a special occasion.
Can't have it either. I'll tell you guys off air.
Guys, come to Outback Steakhouse in Glendale
if you really want to talk some music about
There you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I walk past it every single day.
Now, when I go to work, I walk past that Outback.
I'm like, boy, we got fucking hammered in there.
We got hammered in Outback.
We recorded two eps on a Saturday one time and then went out.
Everybody was just like, let's go to an Outback and get steak and get hammered.
And we did.
Then we went to a house party.
I got a scratch on my eyeball later that night.
Oh, shit.
Don't know how it happened.
I took Molly and beat up somebody who was being handsy with women.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you for your service.
And I Ubered home in the night.
And, yeah.
We'll be seen again.
I had to hand Zach my phone.
I was like, hey, man, I'll get the Uber,
but I can't function with my phone.
It's rough saying that when you're 35. You know, handing someone your phone after a house party. Like, hey, man, I'll get the Uber, but I can't function with my phone. It's rough saying that when you're 35.
You know, handing someone your phone after a house party.
Like, hey, man, I can't see straight.
So I can talk because I do this so much that I can speak properly.
I just can't see straight.
So you're going to have to do this.
Take the reins at Young Tuscany.
Yeah, the Mexicutioner.
It's pick number four.
Great pick.
Number four with a bullet.
Great pick.
I'm happy about this.
You got him, yeah.
He's bouncing back to me
for my fourth pick.
Bounce pass.
Big fundamentals
bouncing it to you.
I'm just,
now it's time for me
to take the diamond.
I,
you know,
you better do what
I hope you're going to do
because I,
I might be.
I'm not sure.
Well,
I'm going to,
I'm doing,
I'm actually going to,
well,
anyway.
That's what we do at home.
That's all the conversations are.
And then we walk out of the room.
I'm not only going to the diamond, I'm stepping in the way back machine.
Okay.
All right.
I'm stepping in the way back machine.
We're going back to 1903.
Whoa.
Wow.
When a young man named Mordecai Brown.
Okay.
Is that the nickname?
Took the field.
Mordecai Brown is his birth Is that the nickname? Took the field. Mordecai Brown is his birth name.
Three Finger is his nickname.
Mordecai Three Finger Brown.
Yes, it is.
Called that because he only had three fingers on his right hand.
And what position did he play?
He was a pitcher.
Pretty buck, right?
He was a pitcher, and he used the only having three fingers to an advantage.
He had an amazing curveball.
Yeah.
Because that's what a curveball is, right?
Three fingers.
And he just had an amazing fastball.
You can throw it.
Yeah.
That's a.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can throw a lot of pitches.
Where his fingers.
But then you don't have this joint.
Oh, yeah.
Coming up to work.
These fingers can spread out and then you can get different grips on the ball and turn on the inside of the eye.
You know what I mean?
Can you throw a curveball?
Can I throw a curveball?
No, I can't pitch at all.
I've always wanted to be able to throw a curveball.
I can't do it at all.
Cameron can pitch.
Really?
She doesn't go like, oh, I'm throwing a change-up now.
But when she throws, I keep telling her, come pitch on my team,
and she just won't do it.
She's got some zip on it?
She's got zip and natural movement on it. Oh, man. I keep telling her, like, come pitch on my team. And she just won't do it. She's got some zip on it? She's got zip and, like, natural movement on it.
Oh, man.
I'm telling you.
You ever try to hit her?
Has she ever pitched you?
No, I've, like, caught at home plate for her.
That's awesome.
She's never pitched?
No.
That's awesome.
We just started playing catch on the road as something to do and, like, talk to each other and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Now we do it all the time because I got her into baseball.
Sorry about that.
And then she just, like, has natural movement. Like, movement like it'll tail baseball needs more fans i get it yeah it does she's natural there's the show there's the new
show natural too yeah there you go i always wanted to be a pitcher when i was a kid that was like i
just thought it was the coolest thing just to be able to huck a fucking ball really cool yeah it's
it's amazing it's a neat thing to be able to do i pitched but it was the coolest thing. It is cool. Just to be able to huck a fucking ball. It's still really cool. Yeah, it's amazing.
It's a neat thing to be able to do, I think.
I pitched, but it was in Little League and Beaverton, Oregon.
But I was pretty good at it.
Yeah.
I got a really bad...
I used to get really bad bloody noses as a kid.
Nerd alert.
Yeah, you got it.
And I was on the pitcher's mound and having a nosebleed, but I didn't want to come out
of the game.
And I...
Carmel's been doing blow again.
Carmel was the manager as well, won Ivan Carmel. And he wouldn't let me come out of the game. Of course he wouldn't again carmel was the manager as well one ivan carmel
and he wouldn't let me come out of the game i don't want to come out yeah so i was like bleeding
and like i had like tissue up my nose and pitching and i was pitching a really good game
and the other team's manager was worried that like i was doctoring the ball with my own blood that's
oh fucking crazy that's crazy it was great crazy. That's not the other time.
The crazy part is that he was.
I was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You saw right through it.
That happened in the ALCS last season.
Oh, that's right.
Trevor Bauer cut his finger on his fucking drone like an idiot.
Oh, yeah, that is right.
And then he got stitches on his pinky on his pitching hand,
and they wore their stupid alternate jerseys.
That's right.
It looked like a massacre, though.
Yeah, it was bad.
And he was trying to wipe.
He kept putting it on the Navy, but it was just dripping off.
Because, I mean, you're just flinging your hand.
Yeah, you're whoosh.
I can't imagine the worst thing.
And the Blue Jays were like, no, he's not.
He's go.
And that was the one game we lost through the whole thing.
Cleveland swept all the way to the World Series
and won the first game of the World Series.
So they, like, anyway.
Yeah. I'm not a anyway. And, yeah.
That is a hard.
Not a fan.
It was a hard.
The more times that it's come up, that was, this has been a rough year on you.
Hard luck.
It's difficult, man.
That was, that is, that is hard.
I didn't even watch the finals.
I was like, we're not winning this shit.
You were right.
You were right.
Yeah, you didn't, you know.
I was just.
I didn't even see it.
And I'm out here.
Like, for anybody from Cleveland, I was like, oh, you know. I didn't really see it. And I'm out here. Like, for anybody from Cleveland,
I was like, oh, you should have,
no, you can't watch the Cleveland Cavaliers lose the NBA Finals in Los Angeles.
Because everybody is rooting for the Warriors.
And like, in a bad way.
And everyone's fucking mean about it.
They're rooting against LeBron.
Not even like for the Warriors,
but against LeBron.
I was like, I gotta go.
I hate that.
How quick they're gonna be singing
a different fucking song, too.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
It pisses me off.
People get so mean about that shit.
We were out getting wings, I don't know, a year ago,
and Ian had a Blazer hat on during a Laker game.
And this dude looks over, he's like, it's the wrong fucking hat, bro.
And not kidding, like, hey, it looks stupid hat, you know?
What kind of wings did you get?
It wasn't like that.
He was serious.
Like, 10 more sentences,
fight would have ensued.
I'll fight about the Blazers. I know you will.
I know you. I know you,
bud. That's why. I was ready
for it. I didn't want it to happen.
The Mexicusier, excellent.
Me, Mordecai, Three Fingers Brown.
Also referenced in
Homer at the Bat, when Mr. Burns
wants the ringers, it's like
Cap Anson, somebody, and Mordecai Three Fingers Brown.
Have I ever told you that to pass seventh grade reading, I had to memorize Casey at the Bat?
Oh, yeah.
You have told me that.
I was getting like a D minus, and I go, Mr. Burdus, what if I memorize Casey at the Bat?
And he sits back, he goes, I'll pass you.
It was Joanne mudville that day
yes sir yes um yeah i don't have much else to say about mordecai three figures
he was dead long before i was born yeah long before he died in 1948 at the age of 71 but uh
well that's it it's-year-old now.
But yeah, his fingers were all gnarled up.
That's a dope nickname.
Did he just have two really big fingers?
It was like this.
Okay.
Yeah, kind of.
Like A-okay?
Oh, we're on a podcast right now.
He was missing his index finger.
As though he is telling his outfielders there are three outs.
There are three outs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was kind of his hand.
Those that are into basketball.
Just let them know, like, listen, nine pitches, three outs.
You guys can just, you guys can pull off the launchers.
That or they're in the Trump White House and they're singling white supremacists.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
A little secret white supremacists.
Oh, God.
Fucking dorks.
We're just trolling.
We're just shit posting in our lives.
God, they're fucking dorks.
I hate them all.
They're fucking dweeb-ass dorks.
Anyway, all right. God, pieces of shit. We're having aorks. I hate them all. They're fucking dweeb-ass dorks. Anyway, all right.
God, dweeb-ass dorks.
We're having a good time.
In the White House.
Fuck them.
Anyway.
Three fingers.
It's such a matter-of-fact nickname, too, that I love it.
David Borey, it's time for your fourth.
My next, I'm going to Star of the Gridiron and the Diamond.
Oh!
Oh!
Going with Mr. Deion Sanders, a.k.a.
Prime Time. Yeah! That's what I wanted to hear. Because. The nickname that he liked. Deion Sanders, a.k.a. Prime Time.
Yeah, that's what I wanted to hear.
Because?
The nickname that he liked.
The nickname that he liked.
Neon Deion.
Oh, do not call him Neon.
Prime Time was so, do you remember he had it on his sneakers?
Yeah.
One said Prime, one said Time.
There wasn't anything cooler to me growing up.
Deion Sanders, man.
Everything he did was cool.
Must be the money.
He had a rap song.
He had a jerry curl early
too, didn't he? Yeah, man. When he was on the Falcons?
He did not practice.
He was like a fictional character.
Like Steven Willie Beeman.
Oh, I mean, yeah.
The dude in
Any Given Sunday. Or no, but in Jerry Maguire.
Oh, yeah, like Rod Tidwell.
But wasn't Any Given Sunday about Deion Sanders?
Wasn't he like the basis?
Really?
I thought so.
I mean, it makes sense.
Or am I in my brain just putting those two things together?
Or Jerry Maguire was based on Deion Sanders?
Any Given Sunday.
Any Given Sunday with Jamie Foxx.
Oh, that makes more sense.
But he wasn't.
Is that him going to Dallas?
Probably.
Would be him in any given Sunday. Because I feel like he was a star in Atlanta, too Probably. Would be him in Atlanta.
Because I feel like he was a star in Atlanta, too.
He was a star in Atlanta.
He was more in Dallas, though, right?
Well, no, Atlanta was the big come-up, and then Dallas and then San Francisco.
Because Dallas had everybody.
I feel like Dallas was the brand.
That's what I think of when I think of Deion Sanders.
When I think of primetime, I think of the Cowboys.
I think about the Reds.
He was on the Reds.
Deion Sanders was so good.
Him trying to chase the ball.
Race the ball a lot.
He was great, though.
He was just like, he was about it.
And he could back it up.
Feel good, feel good, play good,
play good, pay good. That's Deion Sanders.
And he wasn't a dick. He was just sure of himself.
Or was he a dick? I don't really know. I don't know. I don't think he't a dick. He was just sure of himself. Or was he a dick?
I don't really know.
I don't know.
I don't think he was a dick.
I mean,
he was kind of a dick.
But he was probably not a,
he was probably a bit of a dick
in his life.
But what he was doing,
I thought was cool.
Yeah.
I read that book,
Boys Will Be Boys.
Not a lot of stories
about Deion Sanders
other than he didn't practice
very much
was kind of the main thing. And there's a lot of stories in Deion Sanders other than he didn't practice very much was kind of the main thing.
Which is also rad.
And there's a lot of stories in that book.
That's crazy.
To not practice and still just be like, no, I mean, coach, as soon as I start performing
poorly, I'll start coming to practice.
But until then, I can't, you know.
See ya.
Every now and then.
I mean, you forget about some athletes.
Athletes, some of them are just like freaks like that.
Yeah.
He's just like, just that. Yeah. He just got that.
Yeah.
Bo Jackson was like, no, wait.
It's just push-up sit-ups for a long time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
President workout.
And he killed that dog.
Oh, God, that's right.
They were all throwing rocks.
Like a bunch of kids were throwing rocks at dogs.
And then Bo Jackson killed the dog.
Yeah.
He hucked him.
Yeah.
Jesus.
Because he was a strong boy.
And now he's into archery. Now he's into archery.
Now he is into archery.
You tell me that's a coincidence?
Probably.
Yeah, it's probably just a big coincidence.
I bet he could throw an arrow at a rabbit.
Oh, and kill it?
Absolutely.
Like javelin style?
Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
That would be.
Well, that's what I'd like to see happen if we could.
Dion primetime Sanders, not Dion.
He hated Neon Dion.
Hated it.
I didn't like it either, really.
He'd probably piss because it just rhymes.
Don't do that to me. I'm better than that.
There's no thought in there.
He's primetime.
Primetime rhymes.
It's time for your fourth and then final pick.
Awesome.
I'm trying to think of who I want to drop as the final pick,
but, and the fourth.
For the fourth, I'm going with Dennis the Eck.
Eckerson.
If my dad was a pitcher.
Yeah, I just think, yeah, mine too.
I just think what a tremendous nickname that you're just like,
yeah, it's just the first syllable of my last name.
The Ek.
He looks like an Ek.
Yeah, he does.
He looks like he'd say that with most bacon at breakfast.
He'd be like, Ek.
Nobody cooks it right.
There's a great Mike Birbiglia joke, which was about going up.
Sleepwalking?
It was about him.
It is sleepwalking? It was about him... It was about him
going up at... They asked him to speak
at the Baseball Hall of Fame
something.
Like...
Oh, fuck. I'm going to butcher the joke.
Hey! Watch it now!
Oh!
I'm going to tell the joke really well.
Which means we're going to tell the joke really well.
And please remember to come see me on tour, the back-to-back tour,
taking the nation by storm, starting just next week.
He went up and like, I can't.
Go look up, just listeners, go look up the Dennis Eckersley,
Mike Birbiglia thing.
It's amazing.
I'm not going to ruin it. He was the first sidearm pitcher I ever saw.
I think that's probably what made me want to pitch
because I was like, look at this motherfucker here.
He can just fucking hack.
That big sweeping kick
too. Andrew Miller has that now.
That sort of whirly gig
thing that's just like his release
point is untrackable. Anyway.
I just like that nickname
he was he a big guy dennis eckersley big like physically i think it was i think he's pretty
tall i'm just trying to compare because he looks exactly like my dad that's exactly what my dad
looks like six two is tall pretty big big ass mustache long ass hair uh-huh yeah yeah real
real greasy looking dude yeah Yeah, real grimy.
Seemed like a cool fucking, seemed like a Poppin' Cold Ones type of dude.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
And David Price, like, got into it with him this season.
Oh, that's right.
And everybody was very upset with David Price for doing that with Dennis Eggersley.
Dennis Eggersley works for the Red Sox.
Yeah.
What's he do?
David Price just, like, couldn't deal with the Boston sports pressure, I think, and, like, got mad.
I can't remember the whole story, but he confronted Dennis Eckersley on the plane.
The hey, the heck.
What the fuck's your problem?
And you just don't do that.
What the heck is your problem?
You just don't do it.
Because Dennis Eckersley was like, you take the questions or you don't take the questions.
Somebody was talking to him about David Price, and then David Price was like, woo, woo, woo,
whatever, on the plane.
And everybody in baseball was like, you don't do that.
Yeah.
You don't.
You don't.
You don't do that.
You know what else?
David Price has also barely pitched this season.
Yeah.
Maybe shut your mouth a little bit.
Right?
Just shut up.
No crying in baseball either.
It's another thing you don't do.
None of that.
And also, kind of a side note, but the more I fly,
the more I'm scared of an actual fight breaking out on a plane, especially just these days.
It's surprising that it doesn't happen more.
All right, you're there.
What happens?
It happens on the bus all the time.
It does happen on a fucking bus.
There's also no space for it to happen.
So it's happening on you.
Yeah.
Honestly, I've seen situations where I'm like...
Escalations where you're like, oh my God, I don't know.
Am I going to have to...
Yeah.
And I wonder what I would do. And also,
I'm terrified to fly.
I'm like, what if the plane goes crooked?
And then we just start barreling
through the air. What if somebody
throws a haymaker and it makes the plane go crooked?
What does this have to do with...
I was talking about being on planes.
I was talking about Eckersley getting approached on a plane.
Oh, yeah.
Back to it. back to it.
I flew a bunch so much that I lost all my fears of it.
And then I've been off of the road for so long
that now when I get back on, I'm like, oh, God, it came back.
That happened to me.
My realization of like, I just started realizing
my brain could comprehend the fact
that there was an outside layer of the plane.
Not that I wasn't just in a set.
It is this thing or whatever.
I realized, oh, my brain was just saying,
you're just in a chair in this tube.
That's how you think about it after a while.
I have the same thing about apartment complexes now
because I haven't lived in them long enough
where I just go like, oh, God.
And I think about the top coming down
anyway
the act doesn't think about any of that shit
everyone listening anxiety attacks
but that same shit happened to me I'm like
I had one bad flight now I'm afraid of flying
again it's real
it'll get in there
I'm terrified
of even having this talk
we're all professional we fly a lot I gotta be like We're all professional comedians
We fly a lot
You gotta be like the Eck and not give a fuck
And just crush the Miller Lights
Yeah dude
Re-intercept for your final pick
Alright my final pick is
One that is dear to my heart
And also is a callback to my previous
Visit to this website To this website? my previous uh uh visit to this website yeah to this website
what the fuck is wrong with the website i was trying to think of a better word for visit and
then my brain was like you can't handle this and then it's a website um and so my my final
sports nickname is crash davis oh fuck yeah. It is a fictional character, but
it's good. That's a
perfect nickname for a
home run hitting switch hitting
catcher. Crash.
Nucleus is a good one too.
Don't throw me that. Stop
calling me meat.
When I was a kid, I was like, what the fuck is he calling
me meat for? And then you get older, you're like,
it's just in his head. He's just
fucking with him so hard. Getting in your head so
that no one else will. Yep.
Crash Davis, man. Crash Davis,
throw me that shit again.
Apparently there was a real Crash Davis.
I could see that.
That they just took the nickname from.
Yeah, I can see that.
Who was born in like 1919.
No, wait, what's up with 50 Cent?
He took his nickname too.
What?
From who?
Another gangster.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, that sucks.
And then he said it's a metaphor for change.
Yeah.
He used to be called Boo Boo.
What?
Boo Boo?
Don't tweet us about it.
Friend of the podcast.
Curtis Jackson.
Big listener.
That's crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He also, I also didn't know, not to get away from Crash Davis for too long, but the 50 Cent,
I listened to that Mogul podcast, which was about-
About Chris Leidy.
Chris Leidy.
Great podcast.
Great podcast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And on that, they were talking about how, not only, I knew that How to Rob song that
50 Cent put out, but he also put a song just spilling
all the info on all these New York-
Oh, ghetto Quran.
Yeah.
Where he just talks about all the drug dealers.
All the drug dealers.
And he's like putting all their information out there and shit.
Dropping dimes.
That's harsh.
All the drug dealers.
That's how he can't-
50 Cent is a-
Listen, we could have a whole day devoted to 50 Cent.
Yeah.
I have a lot to say.
That man, he's a brute.
That man's insane.
He's a brute. He's a tough guy. Yeah. That's a tough dude. That man, he's a brute. That man's insane. He's a brute.
He's a tough guy.
Yeah.
That's a tough dude.
And then he dated Chelsea Handler.
And he cut off his son.
He cut him off?
That's fuck.
Not the one son.
Not the other son.
Cut off his son.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
But anyways.
Anyway.
Crash Davis.
Crash Davis.
Crash Davis.
Kevin Costner.
Great.
It is such a great nickname.
Kevin Costner.
That movie's so good, too.
I love that movie.
Have you guys watched Fastball, the documentary about the fastball?
No.
It's on Netflix, and it's narrated by one Kevin Costner.
Oh, really?
I highly recommend it.
It's pretty great.
I'd probably drift off to A Sweet, Sweet Dream if I watched that movie.
Yeah, you would.
Because he's got such a soothing, angelic voice.
Yep, absolutely.
And I'm trying to, I'm blanking on the dudes.
Goose Gossage is like one of the main dudes
that they talk to about.
It's, I mean, it's just,
it's when baseball was super brutal still.
Like not the 90s when it was like a lot of flash and stuff,
which was also fun, but like 70s and 80s
when, you know, the George Brett rushing out of the,
the whole thing.
Because that's Goose, That game was Goose.
Yeah.
That home run.
So anyway, it's a great documentary.
Hell yeah.
And they go into like the 106 mile an hour.
Oh.
That is.
And like the physics of the rising fastball,
like how it doesn't actually rise,
but like the way you comprehend the ball.
Yeah.
Because it's going so fast.
Yeah.
That people can hit that. It's crazy. Because it's going so fast. That's so. Yeah. That people can hit that.
It's insane.
Not a lot of people.
Dude, I was just reading this thing about the way that your brain works is actually they're not.
Your brain fills gaps, right?
So it anticipates more than it reacts.
So they don't see the pitch and react.
It's like.
Right.
You're almost hitting before because you know it's going to happen.
Oh, your brain is you wait before you even you've set your body to be like a spring
that when you when it registers at the top of the delivery you know what it is and then you're like
you know the baseball timing of like okay it's coming in like like a bear that's crazy that's
crazy that you could set your body to do that it's so athletic it's so athletic
well they say that's the hardest thing to do in sports
hit a hundred mile an hour fastball
it has to be
I can't imagine anything harder
a fucking baseball bat is what three inches
it's so small
it's not big
it's either that or guarding me when I take you down to the low post
what are you going to do
Alicia Dizzy and the Array of Post I'll shine glass all night down there, Playboy.
Absolutely.
I'll fucking back you up.
They call me the party bus, dude.
Please, I'm ready for you.
The rattlesnakes driving the party bus.
The rattlesnakes.
Oh, shit.
You call them fouls to the people that work at 24 Hour Fitness.
Foul cokes.
Somebody call the fucking foul.
We need the manager in here.
You guys are playing.
I'm a yoga instructor.
This is not a 24 hour fitness.
This is the parking lot in the Galleria.
You guys are unmaskable.
David Boyd.
It's time for you to make your final pick.
My final pick.
I came in on Soto Mojo.
Yeah.
What are you going out on?
It only makes sense that I go out on the big unit.
The big unit!
Randy Johnson. Because if you see that
guy, he is the big
unit. He is the big unit. I've never seen him.
Really? Really?
Randy Johnson is fucking
huge.
He's a big dude.
Huge. He played basketball
also in college.
And he got that
name because uh something in practice somebody like ran into him and the dude was like whoa
you're a big unit which is like that's what he is like look at that guy he definitely looks like
he looks like like your friend's mom's boyfriend who comes to all your basketball games. Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is it rum in that coffee cup?
I don't know.
Is it going to affect the big unit?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
He's in between jobs.
He's like, I mean, literally,
just got off going to your game
and got another job later that night.
He carries around a tumbler
from the dairy mart
that he's had for 10 years
in Washington.
Yeah. It has a pattern on it it but you don't know what it is because it's like scraped off because you're not it's not dishwasher safe but he put it in anyway he puts
it in there because he's the unit man the big unit the big unit will try to talk you out of the fight
that he knows eventually you're going to have no matter what he says oh yeah and he does it
reasonably but he wins and when he's at home he likes to drink his rum and Cokes out of a Scorpion's collectible
cup from Taco Bell.
He definitely does.
He saw him in 88 at the garden with no good deal.
He'll tell you about it if he gets too drunk.
If you hear that, don't go in that room.
Leave him alone.
Let that man have his time to himself.
Oh, man.
Let the man live.
The big unit.
The big unit.
It's one of my favorites.
He became a rock and roll photographer.
He would go to concerts and take pictures.
Randy Johnson?
Yeah, he's 6'10".
So he's got that like.
I just kind of stand up and snap photo.
I had a crane shot.
But he really did. He did that shit. You guys want to double check that it's 6'10". But I'm pretty sure. No, he was 6'10". He was 6'10". So he's got that like. I just got to stand up and snap a photo. I thought he had a crane shot. But he really did.
He did that shit.
You guys want to double check that it's 6'10".
But I'm pretty sure.
No, he was 6'10".
He was 6'10".
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's so buck.
I had no idea.
Washington Pitch was crazy.
Like, yeah, that guy's great.
Great nickname.
Just a good solid.
I remember listening to the radio as a kid.
And Cube 93, today's hit R&B and hip hop.
Seattle, Washington. Like Silk Freaky, Washington they would make all these dick jokes
but I was too young to even
get it. They'd be like
The Big Unit!
Yeah, that guy rules!
That is right here on my shirt.
Yeah.
I want to be The Big Unit.
That's the thing about the Big Unit
nickname is it's cool even without it being references to penises.
That's what I like.
I like it better.
I like it better without the penis.
The penis thing cheapens it.
I don't want that to be.
Yeah.
100%.
I don't want it to be a dick joke.
That's kind of why I picked that.
Yeah, the dick joke does cheapen it.
Right?
Because I remember Cameron hearing that and she was like, wait, what?
And I was like, no.
No, no, no.
That's not why.
I didn't even think about it until
recently. Because I was just like, oh yeah,
Randy Johnson's a big unit. Because he's the big unit.
He is the big unit.
And when you hear that story of that guy running into him,
it's like, that is what you say when you run into
that guy. That hair flying
behind a fastball. Dude,
he looks like a Christian
music singer. It's
great. I love you. I love me some
turns out I got a VHS copy
of Randy Johnson. The big unit
highlight reel. So we just got to find a
VCR in L.A. here.
We can find one. Hey, man, we'll get
we'll get something. There's one on the corner.
He's also right. Yeah, I
just love that guy. I was real happy when he
was on the Mariners. He was great. Yeah.
Big Randy Johnson. Big Rand. It's time for me to make my final playboy and real happy when he was on the Mariners. He was great. Yeah. Big Randy Johnson fan.
Old Big Ran.
It's time for me to make my final pick.
Let's hear it, Playboy.
And we're going to stay on the diamond.
And we're going to still need that way back machine.
Okay.
Because I'm taking a man who the government knew him as James Thomas Bell.
Okay.
But baseball fans only called him Cool Papa.
I've never heard that. Cool Papa Bell. Cool Papa Bell? Cool Papa Bell. Okay. But baseball fans only called him Cool Papa. I've never heard that.
Cool Papa Bell.
Cool Papa Bell?
Cool Papa Bell.
Whoa.
Cool Papa.
The last name makes it.
Right?
Cool Papa Bell.
Thought to have been maybe one of the fastest men to ever play baseball.
He played in the Negro Leagues for his entire career.
But just a fucking amazing baseball player.
Could play kind of both ways
got the name cool when he struck out one of the other best baseball players and then he added
papa himself because he thought it sounded better he just called me cool so i just came out there
like that's cool the cadence of it people started calling them cool and i was like you know what
let me just run this thing on out to cool papa right let's church it up with a pop on there
cool papa bell let's cool papa I think, which is the cadence.
I love that cadence.
Any nickname I give myself, especially on Twitter, is going to have that say, Rich Homie
Karmes.
Rich Homie Karmes.
Cool Papa Bell.
Cool Papa Bell.
Did you say let's round it up to Papa?
Is that what you just said?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Round it up.
You rounded it up.
He had it and he was like, let me just, let's bump it up.
We're at seven.
Let's go to ten.
Let's pop up to Papa.
Yeah, bump it up. Why not?
Cool Papa is just the fucking dankest nickname
of all time.
Cool Papa.
He actually aged into Hot Daddy.
He became a Hot Daddy later in life.
Yeah, and then Foxy Grandpa.
And I'm happy when all three of them show up to brunch.
You know what I mean? They can all hang out.
Cool Papa, dude.
Cool Papa's solid.
What are you going to close it on?
Sean Jordan.
Chantel Jordan?
His name is Shaq.
That is a nickname.
The skateboarder in me is going to close it on a skateboarder.
Do it.
And the nickname is Hockey Temper.
And the skateboarder is Kerry Goetz.
Hockey Temper is solid. I just like Hockey Temper. The skateboarder is Kerry Getz. I just like Hockey Temper
because he just fucking
flipped out all the time.
The intro to CKY, his part in the CKY video,
it just shows him
screaming. He threw a board at the ground
so hard that he broke it.
It was nose grip taped
down and he just whipped it at the ground
and you can see it just pop up like three feet, and it just cracks when it hits the ground.
He used to get fucked.
One of those dudes who would like hit himself in the head with the board, punch himself.
You see kids do that at a skate park, and you're like, stop it.
You're not hitting yourself with the velocity that somebody else would be doing it.
But Kerry Goetz would.
He'd just fucking punch himself in the face.
Yeah.
Hockey temper.
Intense ass dude. And it just gets the point across. Like, hey, man. punch himself in the face. Yeah. Hockey temper. Intense-ass dude.
And it just gets the point across.
Like, hey, man.
Don't fuck with me?
Let him freak out.
If he's in the middle of it.
Don't bother that.
Ride the storm.
Don't try to last through the hurricane.
Was he a good skater, too?
So good.
Yeah.
He was one of the people that made flip tricks what they are.
Like, made them where people have a certain way they do flip tricks because of people like him.
Like, well, yeah, I can do a heel flip or I can do it like Kerry Goetz did it.
Perfect.
Yeah.
You know, like you don't leave until it's perfect.
Yeah, he's one of the best.
And I just love that.
Did he grow up playing hockey or did he just like.
He grew up in Philly.
I mean, he probably played hockey.
He was like he grew up with Bam and like Josh Kalis and all the Philly kids.
Yeah.
Westchester, whatever.
All those kids.
I mean, you got to play hockey at some point, right?
Sure.
Yeah.
We all do.
That's just part of life.
Yeah.
We all went through that Mighty Duck, Sarah.
Yeah, of course.
Knuckle puck.
We left some fucking amazing nicknames.
I know.
Magic Johnson.
The Big Hurt. The Big Hurt. The Process. I know. Magic Johnson. The Big Hurt.
The Big Hurt.
The Process.
I was going to take, oh, The Process.
The Truth.
I was going to take The Process.
I thought you were going to take Clyde the Glide is what I thought you were going to take.
Nah.
No?
I'm going to do Catfish Hunter.
Oh, Catfish Hunter.
Great.
That's a great one.
I wanted you to take it so I could tell the story.
Tell the story anyway.
We've got a minute.
Check this motherfucker out.
So third grade, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, Sports Illustrated for kids, cover on it,
Clyde Drexler with airplane wings.
Remember that one?
Oh, yeah.
Of course.
And it says Clyde the Glide, right?
But before we got this, my friend CJ told me that his nickname was Clyde the Clyde.
And he was a bully.
He used to spit on my pillow and shit when I went to the bathroom at sleepovers
and I'd come back and be covered in spit.
He just bullied me my whole life.
And so I had to buckle into believing him
that it was Clyde the Clyde.
And I'd be like, dude, Clyde the Clyde,
he's got those airplane wings.
And he's like, it's Clyde the Clyde, you fucking idiot.
Like, well, all right, bully.
Clyde the Clyde.
Astonishing to me.
Why do people do that kind of shit?
I don't understand.
Another one.
I definitely did mean stuff, but not on the regular.
Real quick about Siege.
Do you remember Right Said Fred?
I'm Too Sexy.
He goes, I'm a model.
You know what I mean?
CJ would have you believe that Right Said Fred was saying,
I'm a marvel.
And again, I got into it with him.
What a strange.
That's better than Clyde the Clive.
What a strange, weird line to draw.
Yeah.
No, it's I'm a Marvel, you idiot.
He was a bummer.
Wow.
Dude, the truth.
Real deal.
The worm.
Slim Reaper.
Boogie.
Ugh.
Old chocolate.
White chocolate.
Oh, God. There's Old Chocolate, White Chocolate. Dude, there were, oh, God.
There was a boxer named Old Chocolate.
Old Chocolate.
There was, I mean.
Smoke and Joe Frazier.
Bob Feller was the heater from Van Meter.
Hell yeah.
See, those are my favorites.
Luke Eric, the Iron Horse.
I almost picked the Magnificent Seven, but I didn't know you were going to let me do a team.
Well, yeah, Fab Five.
Thunder Dan Marley. Ah, what? Thunder Dan? I don team. Well, yeah, Fab Five. Thunder Dan Marley.
Ah, what?
Thunder Dan?
I don't know if I knew that.
Oh, Thunder Dan Marley.
That's pretty tight.
Andre Badmoon Risen.
Oh, I remember that one.
There were some great soccer ones.
Gareth Bale, the Shannon of Wales.
You know what else I found out?
Cheryl Swoops.
Not a nickname.
Oh.
Drop that out.
I had her jersey. Swoops. She was great. Oh. Drop that out. I had her jersey.
Swoops.
She was great.
Yeah, she was really good.
It could be your nickname, though.
Yeah.
Cheryl Swoops.
I could be Cheryl Swoops.
Young Cheryl Swoops.
And then when I shoot, I could say, Swoops, there it is.
Young Swoops, the rattlesnake, and what are you going to be?
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know, man.
Well, you got a million of them.
What is it right now?
I'll be Hitman Tommy Hearns. Oh, it's rashid wall rashid wallets i also kind of wanted to take the jail
boys paid if we were taking a whole team i mean i love that jailblazers the magnificent seven and
the fab five magnificent seven's my favorite we didn't take that but we did take ria you kicked
us off you took a king lebron kingron King James, Brandon Bam Margera,
Carlos Smooth Santana, Dennis the Eckersley,
and Crash Davis.
David, you went second and took Soto Mojo.
Soto Mojo.
No, you got to say, Soto Mojo.
Then you went second and took all the sugars.
Then Mr. October Jackson
Dion Primetime Sanders and Randy
the big unit Johnson
I went third and took Dominique
the human highlight real Wilkins
Christian the Nigerian nightmare Okoye
Larry Grandmama Johnson
Mordecai Three Fingers Brown
and James Cool Papa Bell
Sean Jordan you went second and took
Charles the round or you went last and took Charles the round, or you went last and took Charles
the round mound of rebound Barkley, Larry the hick from French Lick Bird, Tim the big
fundamental Duncan, Joey the Mexicutioner Beltran, and Carrie Hockey Temper Gats.
You were really all over the place.
Boy, that sounds fun when you say 20 nicknames like that.
Those are some good Gats.
Now, which one of those is the weed strain?
Oh, God.
Damn.
Which one would we rather take?
Not hockey temper.
Mexicutioner.
Mexicutioner might actually already be one.
Three-fingered.
Well.
They're all dank.
Yeah.
You know, we got to smoke them all and find out.
I'd smoke some primetime.
Definitely smoke some.
Oh, primetime?
Some primetime.
I would smoke some primetime.
Only 2 Chainz knows where to get that. All the sugars. Yeah. Definitely smoke some. Oh, primetime? Primetime. I would smoke some primetime. Only 2 Chainz knows where to get that.
All the sugars.
Yeah.
All the sugars.
All the sugars.
Oh, yeah.
We're going to go smoke some all the sugars right now.
You tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
Shaq.
Whackity.
Oh, I like that.
I changed it.
I changed it.
I changed it.
I changed it.
I changed it.
I changed it.
I changed it.
I changed it.
I changed it.
I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it. I changed it.
That was a HeadGum Podcast.