All Fantasy Everything - Spring (w/ Miel Bredouw, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: March 18, 2021Spring is in the air and Miel is on the pod! We welcome back podcast favorite Miel Bredouw to get vernal up in this piece.Episode Guest:Miel Bredouw @miel IG: @mielmonster ...;Check out Miel's album Tourist Season.Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is all Fantasy Everything,
the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything
from the world of pop culture.
On today's episode, we're drafting Springtime,
because it's right around the corner,
or if you're listening to this at a different time of year,
it's right now, it just happened, or it's a long ways away.
Either way, we're drafting it.
Our guest today is musician, bon vivant, and friend of the podcast, Miel Bredo.
Miel hosted the Punch Up the Jam podcast on HeadGum, and her musical album, Tourist Season,
is available wherever aforementioned music is streamed.
I'm your host, the 1920s ghost of Ian Carmel,
and as always, we're joined by friends and comedians Sean Jordan and David Borey.
Let's hear that jazzy theme music. welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that started
without giving anyone any warning that was starting because that's afe it could start
whenever david just said luke hang you know that's coming out on HBO Max, Mortal Kombat is, in like a month.
I do know that.
I know that.
We talked about it on the podcast before.
They are using the Mortal Kombat.
That is going to be in there.
Yeah, dude.
That is going to be in there.
I'm so stoked.
I was just thinking, do they have Sub-Zero you can you know that you can wear in the world now
i just thought of it i bet they do do they have the technology is that you know you know how
everybody except for you is wearing a mask out in public so i'm just wondering do they are they
making those kind of masks that you can wear don't fucking do that scurrilous you know that's
yeah that's not even true that's slander fuck. Fuck you, Sean. David's wearing a mask.
Yeah, man.
What the fuck is that?
Come on.
Brayden, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it's falling apart like this.
Yeah, man.
This guy's come out here just slandering me.
Two seconds in.
If I write it, it'll be liable.
Huh?
Look at me.
I'm out here.
Look at you.
Those two books did you good.
Hi.
Sean made some mud and now he's dressed.
Shush.
I'm making a joke,
Miel. Sorry, sorry.
No, what was the joke going to be? I'm interested.
No, it wasn't a joke. It was just
some stupid riff. It's stupid.
You guys don't want to hear it. Hey, if this
is comedy, take that shit to Austin, alright?
This is podcasting.
Everybody in comedy's moving to Austin. what is that austin austin's the new hot spot i guess it's for the bot is it
for the bbq is it for the queso dip what's the i think it's for the open open open world not caring
all these comedians are treating it like mecca but it's like comedy mecca where i barfed all
over the street so they just kind of go there and you just be around it a hot red wine barf they lick it a little bit and they're like oh my god i
feel like the funny i just feel it you know six avenue heartache
miel how are you hi you can talk whenever you remember that right you don't have to wait for
us to introduce you i don't remember anything anymore.
I remember Sean barfing in Austin, though.
I do remember that.
He barfed in Austin.
It splooshed up everywhere.
And also that show.
That was fun.
That was a really fun time.
That whole trip was so dope.
One of these days.
Remember trips?
You know what I mean?
Remember getting off the plane and checking into a hotel One of these days. One of these days. Remember trips? You know what I mean? Oh. Oh, yeah.
Remember getting off the plane and checking into a hotel and being like, oh.
For me, am I a king?
Am I the king of this embassy suite?
Yeah.
$11 cashews.
I won't regret that in three days when I leave.
I've had three of them.
I love $11 cashews.
I've missed you guys a lot.
How has it been going?
One word from each.
No leaders in this group.
Okay, this is good to know.
Supple.
It's been going supple for me.
Supple.
Anti-supple?
Is that a word?
Dynamic.
Rugged.
Okay. Rugged. Okay.
Rugged, dynamic, and supple.
Well, it sounds like I haven't missed much.
No, it's pretty same.
Yeah.
Just three rappers.
Exactly the same.
Miel, if you could please use one word to describe how you've been.
Yikes.
Uh-oh.
Miel's been pooping her pants a lot.
No, do you remember that, what was that game called on a computer?
I think it was like Kid Picks or something.
Was it Myst?
It was like an art.
I think it was Kid Picks, I'm pretty sure.
Quest for Glory.
Number Munchers.
Blaster.
Word Munchers.
Warcraft 2.
Warcraft 3.
Doom.
Diablo.
Duke Nukem.
The one where the guy when you-
Duke Nukem 3D. the guy when you go 3D
so there was a man
and you Duke Nukem
D3 which is a weird threesome
Duke Nukem D3
he plays defensive end for
Southern Oregon University
actually it wasn't Carta that's my
mistake that's okay
happens all the time you know who I was thinking of I was thinking of
Clippy that's my bad
oh man no it's the little guy when you click undo do you remember this
this computer program you click undo and he goes oops i might have talked about this before it
haunts me constantly was clippy a guy i don't gender clippy cl Clippy is Clippy. See? See that? Clippy's a they.
Clippy would go, oops, like that?
It wasn't Clippy who said oops.
I think it was a Kid Pix figure.
And as I recall, I had a distinct face.
And no one remembers this.
No.
Miel, I'm 39 years old.
You didn't brag about it, bud.
I'm 39 years old with a bastard on the way.
I don't have time to think about computer games and whatnot of yesteryear. And two corduroy hats, no less.
A dowry for the future husband of his child.
Husband? Is it a girl?
She will be born a girl.
That's what we say.
Yeah.
The baby's name is Ian Car carmel senior ian carmel senior everyone i know has been having boys i've been needing a little baby girl thank you laura's
brother we were gonna we were gonna find out the gender over zoom with her parents and laura's
brother's like there's no way that sean is gonna have have a boy just because I'm an emotional little creature.
Because you're low T?
I don't think that's how it works.
Don't want to put that stuff in your head.
He's right.
I'm in a den of women.
We have two little pretty kitties, the queen and then the woman on the way.
What's up with your cats?
So this was an over text thing.
So your cats got out
or what happened
what's this whole saga
walk us through it
I will
I will
also really just
really quick
when you said pretty kitties
you did not mean
your actual cats
you meant your
your fiance
and your baby to be
right
one
no
and when we have two
like random framed vaginas
on the wall
those are the pretty kitties
I was talking about
hey
huh
Sean is Jordan on Twitter
Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram proceed with your story are the pretty kitties i was talking about hey huh shawn is throwing on twitter chan cougar mel jordan on instagram proceed with your story the two pretty kitties
are very real kitties the last time we got out or we were recording i hung out with mars a little
bit and then as i was doing that i heard like a rumble one of those kitty rumbles where it's like
where they're actually upset yeah so i put mars i was like you chill for a second i ran upstairs
and they were like actually like tussling feet in the air like ball of cat like really going nuts
what happened we think this is and this is what marissa kind of said is that there was another
cat outside one of them got in a fight with this cat and then they rushed in and i guess cats can like transfer
their anger to the next cat they see regardless if it was the one that was actually fucking with
him or not sounds like my ex-wife i'm saying so they were they were looking at each other
like absolute mortal enemies and like earlier in day, they were grooming the inside of each other's ears.
I mean, they're sisters.
They've known nothing but a soft, soft pillow cupcake of a life.
And yeah, and then they were just, for like five days,
they were going fucking bananas on each other.
Now they're fine.
They were looking at each other like mortal enemies,
and they were fighting.
What might you call that?
Mortal Kombat! other like mortal enemies and they were fighting what what might you call that mortal combat
i said that like uh kind of said it like a like a bro like johnny cage's mortal combat
mortal combat was johnny cage oh he's from hollywood yeah he was from Hollywood Yeah he was
That's why he punched
Everyone in the
In the Jimmy
He's a little
Cheap shotter
I have like a quick joke
If you
You know take or leave it
If it was cats
Yeah get it in there
Maybe it's Mortal
Klombat
Thanks
Yes
There she is
There she is
That is the brain
That got her to New York City
Thanks
I think I'm gonna head out
You taking off after that? The biggest dork to New York City. Thanks. I think I'm going to head out.
You taking off after that?
The biggest dork in New York.
Yowl combat?
I'm panic.
This is just a blind panic.
You know when you hit one that you're like, I think that's a career high.
No, you got to push past three more movies.
Then you can be done.
Yeah, and then open a bakery.
How does that story end? So your cats were fighting?
That's it. They're good's it they're good now oh we had to they're
good now we had to go through a whole rigmarole so we had to separate them we had to put food on
either side of the door and have them eat out of food so they were like an inch apart just between
a door have them sniff each other we would crack the door and so they could like get up to it then
they'd growl we'd have to close it then we had to switch the rooms that they were in so they could smell each other then laura rubbed tuna juice on
one of them to get to get the grooming going again this is getting really kinky oh it's insane
it's it's insane she rubs tuna juice on it yeah that sounds like ian's ex-wife it sounds say
whatever you want about it as a joke but that she she actually had to do that, and that's insane.
What'd she do with the tuna?
It's still in the fridge, just in case.
It's like a little, I don't know, insurance policy
if they get out of line again.
It's just ridiculous.
There are so many animal capers that you're involved in these days.
Yeah, yeah.
Mjolnir got dominated by a rat.
His cats are, like, fighting each other.
I have since murdered that rat,
and I'll i'll take
everyone who's still sending me messages have i not mentioned that the rats have been murdered
you said it people still hit me up saying give me tips on what to do about the rat they poke fun at
me poke fun at me much like david does all the time about the rat dominating the house and this
being the rat's house i murdered that rat it's dead you killed it it's been thrown away now i'm sorry to get so real
with that email you got sorry to get so real oh i did yeah i have 187 in my email meal it's uh the
code for murder oh that's right 187 is like a cop code for murder it is meal another thing you
should know just to keep you in the loop sean jordan has been writing raps and he's ready to share one with us now. I'm not.
Come on! I have two
half-written rap songs. Rat raps?
Alright, let me... Sounds like you got a full one.
Yeah, you just
combine it. That's how they wrote
Bohemian Rhapsody.
Gotta.
Alright, here we go.
This one's about not wearing Nike and Adidas
at the same time.
Nice.
Pressing issue.
Social commentary.
Let's see if I was on a Tinder date.
Saw she had Nike on her feet and Adidas on her legs.
I looked her right in the eye and I barfed on her dinner plate.
I like that there was barf in it.
Are you singing these into your fiance's belly?
No, I'm going to sing them into a beat that hopefully someone will make.
I think I'm going to ask Isaac if he can make me a beat if he's willing to.
And then what will you do with it when it's done?
I'm going to try to record a rap, I think.
And what will you do with that when it's done?
Probably release it for free on like Bandcamp or Patreon or something.
Do you think there's money in music?
No, it's fun.
This is where you should make an nft i feel you oh
barf on our dinner plate nft there are so many things i think of that i never do like i i thought
about writing 101 skateboard jokes and i never do it i've been having fun writing these just
walking around writing a couple lines a night and i was like well what really why who gives a shit
write one and do it because it's
just for fun because this is how i make money so it's not a big deal it could just be for fun
and i honestly think it would be fun i think that's really great rap as a hobby on the side
i think that's a fun hobby i think any hobbies are good that and skateboarding i'm gonna have
i gotta be the coolest dad i can be, you know? Skateboarding. My dad doesn't only skateboard, he raps.
So when I say weed isn't cool,
it's coming from an authority.
You wait till she's got teachers,
I'll be telling them all,
like you hear that rap song
about not wearing Nike and Adidas together?
Sure boy.
And I'll just, I'll point at myself,
I'll be like, sure boy.
You should like give her a rap song
and teach her to tie her shoes
and like what parts to wash
and like, you know what I mean?
And how to brush your teeth.
You're going to be at that parent teacher conference.
You're going to be like, tell me everything.
Don't spare me.
Barf on my dinner plate.
Speaking of which.
And they're going to stop.
They'll be like, it is you.
It is you.
She got an A.
She's getting an A.
You're going to be the first.
You're going to be the first parent to come to a parent teacher conference with a mixtape.
New Balance and Puma. I don't know what to tell you
mrs henderson but if you ever wear nike and adidas exactly new balance and puma is like the most
chaotic combination i've ever fucking heard in my life yeah i don't even know anyone that would own
if you're if you're wearing new balance and puma you're sponsored probably you start bleeding out
of your ears as soon as you put those on can Can I ask, does anyone fuck with Puma?
I had a Puma track jacket back when I was a Russian drug dealer.
Okay, one.
Anyone else?
I used Puma pants when I was like 11.
Puma pants.
Okay, we've all had one Puma item.
We did dance with the devil one time, and then we said no thank you and left.
Is that assessment correct?
I think I truthfully have never had any puma well ian has a puma bathrobe but it's made from a puma not the
company made out of a puma it's not that doesn't count different game chilean puma right that's
why you're a legend in two games i have i keep a puma in my house i keep a loose puma just to keep
me frosty like just because like oh beetlejuice beetlejuice keeping you on your toes beetlejuice
is like a quarter puma he gets money from the government
a lot of people don't know that i live i live with my girlfriend now miel and and
and even more importantly i live with my girlfriend's cat beetlejuice schwartz amazing
is that why your books are so beautifully organized? That's right. Those are Dana's books.
Yeah.
I had a feeling.
I don't know many straight men that beautifully organize their books.
That is stunning.
I feel like Beetlejuice moved in a week before Dana,
and then Beetlejuice texted her and was like, he's all right.
Yeah, Beetlejuice Schwartz came in first, cleared the perimeter,
poked into his ear a little bit.
He started sending weird requests on Venmo.
Yeah.
He asked me for $217
and the emoji he attached was
simply a skeleton. I'd fork
it over. Yeah, well, who wouldn't?
It felt really threatening. He's got hitters
in all five boroughs.
All five boroughs.
And yonkers.
David Forney is here.
CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. The G is silent on Twitter. In yonkers david ford is here cool guy jokes on instagram the g is silent on twitter
in yonkers once definitely at least once because we drove through yeah one we drove through it
that's it i haven't even been to like what's the one way out there staten island i haven't been to
the far out boroughs was i in yonkers did i go to yonkers with you yeah we drove to yonkers
together we went bonkers and yonkers oh nice i go to Yonkers with you guys? Yeah, we drove from Yonkers together. We went bonkers in Yonkers.
Oh, nice.
I didn't know that.
How was Colorado?
Colorado is cold.
Dude.
Almost like it's cold-er-ato.
You know what I mean?
It's cold-er-ato.
I got you, John Denver.
I see how it's planned.
Yeah, it's cool.
It's supposed to be the biggest snowstorm in years tonight.
Oh, shit.
Are you ready?
Did you get rations? Are you prepared? Yeah, I got rations. I gotations i got candles yeah i'm fine how many party pizzas do you have in your freezer yeah
totinos yeah none but i got like five strip steaks from costco so i'm okay yeah how will you cook
those if the power goes out lighter they're for the puma also i got a grill grate on my uh fire pit it'll be okay
just toss that on just trashing that new place up real quick malman style why don't do that to
me none of my places have ever been trashed up sean you just said you had a grill in your fire
pit it's not bad this is the mask thing all over again sean's out here assassinating character
assassinating my character.
There's a lot of tension.
Wait, just really quick.
Sean, were you fighting with a different cat
right before you came on the podcast?
Should we throw some tuna juice on David?
I put it on my little nose.
I got in an argument with someone
on switching lanes today.
I'll tell you, I realized every time
someone switches a lane, no matter what, if it could be 100 yards in front of me,
it's still, it's personal to me.
Yeah, in a Ferrari or Jaguar, switching four lanes, absolutely.
I don't know where that came from,
but it is every time I'm under my breath,
like, fuck, I guess everybody, huh?
Whatever, fuck me.
I think it's safe to say everyone takes everything personally.
Sean, you need to meditate, bro.
I apologize for attacking your character, David. Sean, you need to meditate, bro. I apologize for attacking your character, David.
Sean, you need to breaditate, dude.
Just stackity, stack, stack, stack.
That's the opposite of what you're doing, Ian.
Yeah, I saw your Instagram story.
Breaditation.
Oh, yeah, I'm not eating any bread until tomorrow
when I'm eating a lot of bread.
Breaditate.
You sit on a big bed of focaccia, dude,
and just sort of let the vibes take you.
You just let that focaccia.
You can take focaccia into your pores.
A lot of people don't know that.
Yeah, you can throw focaccia into the wind, Sean.
Oh.
That's tight.
I might have to.
That's an expensive toss, though.
That is an expensive toss.
Might work its way into one of my
I'm-not-going-to-make-any-money reps when I walk around later tonight. Throw focaccia into the wind, dude. expensive toss though that's that is an expensive tough might work its way into one of my uh i'm
not gonna make any money reps when i walk around later tonight for a precaution to the wind dude
that's a lot of rosemary going into the wind too which is nice so are you you're so you're building
them each at the same time you're not like finishing one whole song and then going to
another one it's all it's like writing jokes right it's all's all open process. I just haven't. I haven't been writing anything since this started, which is insane.
We've had a year.
I don't think that's that insane.
I think everyone's very fucked up.
I've written some stuff.
I'm just saying.
Let's not brag.
Let's not brag.
I've written hundreds of episodes of a television show.
I just need my brain going in that gear.
And I found that walking around thinking about these at least keeps it going in some sort of way.
So, you know.
I think it's wonderful.
I love it.
That's great.
Hear me out.
Doggy style to the album.
Yeah, dude.
I just want to put the concept in your head and then you kind of set the art in motion.
You know what I mean?
And the cover is you regally sitting on the back of a dog with a saddle.
Like Ant and Bee style. I would buy it just off of wow factor
just off that your bow wow factor wow factor yeah and you think this isn't gonna make any money this
is still on track to not make any money this is just blowing my mind i see the opportunities now
i'm seeing corporate tie-ins pets yes oh yeah? You know Clive Davis gets his hands on it.
After he rips my dick off, he's going to turn it into money.
Clive Davis.
Yeah.
If you get involved in your record, the dick won't be the only thing getting ripped off,
all right?
But it'll be you, too, okay?
Damn.
I keep your record and Clive Davis' fucking hands far apart, dog.
Far apart.
Clive Davis.
Ask Paul Abdul.
I'm on Beverly Wilshire. M Paul Abdul I'm on Beverly Wilshire
minding my own business
on Beverly Wilshire
just fucking just reading Variety
having some tangerine juice
and I feel a fucking tug on my dick
it's Clive Davis
Arby crawled up under my table dude
and just fucking tore it off
while you were reading about
the equalizer if you're reading variety you're reading it for the pilot presentation announcements
obviously i'm looking for them but i got caught up in a queen latifah anecdote which was not the
first time that's happened to me oh my god i missed my kid's wedding
david do you have anything to direct people towards are you just chilling out there i mean
i'm just chilling man there's stuff in the works but i don't want to like talk about it right now
so yeah man i'm just i'm just enjoying it fukasha bread stacking look out for detox
yep coming soon dude fukasha getting that sourdough yeah oh yeah pumpernickel
pump this pumpernickel and then there's also
pimper knuckle which is another that's not one pimper knuckle that's one of marissa's street cats
what did you say knuckle pimper pimper knuckle he just made me barf on her dinner plate again
that makes more sense than what i think knuckle pimpers are usually called rings.
I'm rocking some knuckle pimpers, dude.
Yeah, they wouldn't let me get on the
flight. I had too many knuckle pimpers on.
I gotta earn that pumper nickel so I
can get myself some knuckle pimpers.
How much did you spend on Laura's knuckle pimpers?
More than I thought I was going to.
You got a kind of a modest.
You were thinking about tattooing your knuckle pimper on, right?
I was thinking about getting.
Well, shit's for life, dude.
Only way out's in a body bag.
I figured what better way to let her know than getting.
Wait, sorry.
You just said something really powerful that if you haven't written into one of your raps,
I think you should.
What?
The only way out's in a body bag.
I can't be the first.
Everyone in the club.
Yeah, I have some bad news for you, Leo.
No, I've seen Bad Moms Christmas.
Or some good news.
You should listen to more rap and you'll hear that in lots of songs, I think.
Wait, did you say you've seen Bad Moms Christmas?
Yes.
Was it better than Bad Moms?
I haven't seen bad mom's
no okay it was not not at all there are other ways out by the way hunter s thompson shot out
of the cannon christine baranski's and in bad mom's mom's christmas yes time me up
plays mila kunis's mom uh and you play Miela Kunis at Miel on Twitter.
At Miel on Instagram, right?
I think I'm still Miel Monster on Instagram.
I tried to get the Miel handle on Instagram.
And I guess the person who has it had posted like once in the last seven years or something.
So that didn't, you know, like sometimes you can like kick someone off their own account with like the right price.
Who is the other? You're the only Miel with like the right price who is the other i i've only you're the only miel i've ever encountered who is the other miel i don't know how many people are named miel because it means honey in french
and spanish and i don't i mean how many like american kids do you name no named honey you
know what i mean i don't think it's like that common i know kids named after sweet things yes do you know anyone named honey uh besides the jessica alba dance movie
biography i do know someone named honey i do a girl that i grew up with sorry it just struck me
i do i do know someone named honey but not that's not me yell. I know somebody named Stevia. Ooh.
I know someone weirdly named Zenthumgum. I know a guy named Rob Brown.
Ungranulated.
Rob Brown, dude.
Yeah.
Ungranulated by Rob.
Rob Brown would be a dope name for like a musician with his debut album, Ungranulated.
Yeah, I would listen.
Or author. Or author.
Or roast beef restaurant.
Dude, roast beef?
Rob Brown?
That's a tartar restaurant.
Rob and Carpaccio restaurant.
Is there a whole restaurant for tartar?
No, but there's about to be, baby.
We're all invested.
It's called Tartar for Now.
Tartar just means cold and raw, right?
What is tartar?
I don't know the definition, actually.
I know steak tartar is like, isn't that the raw ground beef?
Is it supple?
Yeah, kind of.
It's very supple.
It is supple.
Indeed, it's supple.
You did the side to side with your head.
Yeah, kind of.er and beef yeah kind of
Miel you put an album out called Touristies
and you've been back since that came out
but the reception to it continues to be glowing
how are you feeling?
are you performing?
you're obviously not performing
are you making more music?
what are you up to?
what the fuck have you been up to?
what are you doing in there?
what are you doing?
me?
me?
What?
Ooh, maybe.
Yes.
I don't know.
Yeah?
How many people do you think will comment on your subreddit,
she was so annoying when she did that voice?
They're wrong.
They're wrong.
I don't know.
Could be some of them.
Maybe.
Somebody might. I don't know. Could be some of them. Maybe somebody might.
I don't know.
Could be.
I want to try.
It makes me feel weird to do it.
It's very outside.
Now we're all being annoying.
If I do it too much, I start to sound like a Jewish mother.
I don't know how that happens.
You better put a coat on.
Oh, and how that happened. You better put a coat on. Oh, and how I share you.
This is solidarity, folks.
These are the good ones.
I will say at this moment in time, stay tuned.
I have some secrets that I will not be sharing,
but follow me, I guess,
and subscribe for a very inactive account.
I'm so excited about it.
I'm going to leak it.
Miel's writing Coming 3 America.
Yeah.
Coming 3 America.
Coming 3 America.
I'll break it here first.
That sounds like a scathing documentary.
They're skipping right over Belly 2,
and they're making Belly,
but with a 3 instead of the E, and she's making a 2 making it too yeah i get that be thrilly but i have been booked and
busy thank you did you call it sally when you were at the height of your height of your height
of your gang banging sean i want to watch this movie i just told someone that story my buddy
dale had never heard that story i just went snowboarding last weekend we're at the chalet
as it were he'd never heard the story about me getting went snowboarding last weekend. We were at the chalet as it were. He'd never heard the story about
me getting beat into the crypts and he almost fell
onto the ground. He was laughing so hard.
I forget about that.
That I was beat. That's the right answer.
That's the right reaction to that
story. It's funny.
It's funny.
Yeah, it's very funny. I was snowboarding.
To go back to you for a second. Miel, you blew it.
Sorry. That was good. Miel, have you ever snowboarded?
Sorry.
Unfortunately, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, how did it go for you?
It was not good for you?
I'm just going to say snow sports suck my ass.
That's a...
That's a...
That's a...
We're from the Pacific Northwest.
We're from the Pac-NW, and you got no love for snow sports?
No, and the crazy thing is...
You don't even like sledding?
Is that what you were just gonna say?
No.
I'm saying sledding...
You don't even like snow sports?
Sledding's where I'll make a small exception.
But snowshoeing, ice skating, skiing,
cross-country skiing, snowboarding,
alpine skiing, Tricky trick skiing.
Not for me.
What that turned into a middle finger for everybody not watching.
I don't know how to count.
It's the last finger.
You start with the middle finger?
I start with the middle.
I think there's like one of them over there.
I don't know.
First off, fuck your bits and that click you claim.
I like the idea of a snowboarding mountain culture.
That's what I think. I only snowboarded for like three hours but we were up there for like six seven hours see that's
the thing you go to just like hang out and like drink something hot and feel like you did something
i don't need to pay a bunch of money and get hella cold and hurt my butthole like i don't need to do
that what kind of snow what else do you think goes with snowboarding you could do that downtown
but it's also you're on, you're on the mountain.
Isn't that it?
It's like beautiful in the mountains.
It's fun.
Yeah, absolutely.
I would rather do a hike.
Isn't that just snowshoeing?
Not in the snow.
I'd rather do a hike not in the snow.
Did you listen to a lot of Steely Dan on the way up to the mountain,
or is that just Ivan Carmel?
I don't think it's just Ivan Carmel, but I think
it's folks of that ilk. Classic
snowboarding band, Steely Dan.
I could do anything to Steely
Dan, I think, to be honest. Including
shred the gnar. Oh, you gotta
shred the gnar to the Dan.
I think I could do anything. It was tight. I had a really good
time. So, Miel, Punch Up the Jam has been
gone for a while. Do you
miss doing a podcast, or are you with it i don't i don't know how to answer it i don't want i don't
want to be disrespectful to that era of my life to what we created and to everyone who supported it
i had so much fun making it i don't miss it
yeah i did feel like it was pulling maybe it's just the format of that podcast specifically
i definitely felt like it was pulling from a creative well that was kind of unable to replenish
because i mean if i'm writing real songs and then i'm also kind of having to write these like parody
songs i'm just kind of spread a little too thin so it's been really nice to have the emotional energy to like spend on things that
I may be a little bit more long lasting because like podcasts internet content it's like weekly
if not daily and to just kind of feel like you're spending all this time on a thing and then like
throwing it into a tornado it's like not the most rewarding so i feel good in that sense and then also i do miss like the structure
and the being able to just like speak directly to people and getting to be funny and hang out
with friends like there's you know it's a mixed bag absolutely yeah it's very specific and fair
yeah totally yeah i mean it's really hard to Go ahead, Sean. I would just get this.
I look forward to this,
but because it's not anything
that sounds weird,
we have to be super creative for,
we just kind of sit and chat.
We don't have to write
these songs or anything.
Have you seen David's first picks?
Well, David just takes the rules
and wipes his ass with them.
Or any creative stuff.
Draft about food
and he picks a ball pit.
You can't...
Yeah, if I wanted to live in that world... Sean doesn't understand that you have to learn all the rules to break them. Or any creative stuff. Draft about food and he picks a ball pit. You can't, yeah.
Sean doesn't understand that you have to learn all the rules to break them.
That's right.
You know who said that?
Who?
Jesus.
Yeah.
I've been known as the Jesus of at least this house.
I'm fucking Ian Carmel.
God damn it.
Say it again.
I'm Ian Carmel, since no one's asking.
Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on
Instagram, folks. You can find him
Ian Carmel on Jewish Vaccination
Appointment Finder. There also aren't
any on there, so thank you
for downloading. You can find him
on the stage of the Late Late
Show with James Corden, of which he is a
co-head writer. That's right,
folks. That's right. And
the Airsats Andy Richter. I'm on there
contributing to the monologue.
Being on the
television, just being on the celly.
The celly. Putting out fucking videos
about my sneakers on Instagram.
Instagram's dying, and I'm like, yep, let's
move most of my shit onto there.
Is it dying too now? Is Instagram dying?
That's what somebody said. I don't know.
The kids, man. I don't know. Well, what's new then? Clubhouse and TikTok? Is Instagram dying? That's what somebody said. I don't know. I don't, the kids, man.
I don't know.
Well, what's new then?
Clubhouse and TikTok?
Is that like where the kids are?
TikTok, yeah.
TikTok's really popular, I hear.
Are you on TikTok, Mia?
No, I think I'm too oiled.
Yeah.
You're too oiled?
You're too oiled? Yeah, I am greasy for TikTok.
I feel oiled and old.
You gotta be hella old or hella young to be on TikTok, it feels like.
Yeah.
And I think that a lot of people don't know how old I am.
Like, I don't know.
I guess, sorry, skincare routine, drop it, sis.
But a lot of people think I'm like 24, 25.
And I'm like, you're 61.
I'm turning 32 this year.
I can't do TikTok.
No.
Sean.
Yeah, I'm out.
If anything, I'll be old enough sean when you were getting
your hats before taping i was suggesting you do some of these i think my bucket and big bust it
you know drop trend i do love that the only change you make is just you are just wearing a hat now
i think that would be really good content tight i'm I'm here for a wholesome Sean Jordan TikTok.
Yeah.
Wholesome Sean Jordan TikTok.
It's all going to be wholesome. I've had a lot of people bite on the skate content, the skateboard content.
So I don't know.
Get it, Ian.
I don't know where I am.
I painted my nails because my girlfriend has a bunch of nail polish.
And so now there's nail paint fumes in the air as if I wasn't being weird enough.
I'm just going to keep getting weirder i thought that's what you were doing i was going to stop and ask if you were
painting your nails but i was like well i probably isn't but yeah i'm glad i know and so ian what do
you have coming up thanks meal i'm not here on the 405 and i have nothing to uh of note to mention
uh keep watching the late late show with James Corden. Listen to
All Fantasy Everything and make sure you hit us up
on the Patreon and
on Cameo where we will
record a message for
you. Currently Sean and I are on
there and David is keeping it artistically
pure. I'm not
doing it. I can't do it.
David's not going to do Cameo. I have
fun. I made a five minute Cameo today. I don't want to say it was explaining a serpentine draft to someone. It was very fun. I had a doing it. I can't do it. Dave is not going to do cameo. I have fun. I made a five-minute cameo today.
I don't want to say.
It was explaining a serpentine draft to someone.
It was very fun.
I had a good time.
Now, we are gathered here today not only to discuss how Miel looks amazing for 61 years old,
but also to fantasy draft springtime.
Yeah.
Yeah.
People love it.
People are going crazy. Marissa, can you you add in i'll do it myself thank you
fuck that's why she's the best in the business yeah uh we're drafting spring because it's spring
is right around the corner the seasons are starting to change by the time this is dropped
daylight savings time will have commenced and we're gonna fantasy drafted folks now the way
we determine the order that is through a rollicking game
of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you.
And we throw and shoot. Here we go.
Rock, paper,
scissors, shoot!
Oh!
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
Oh!
Sean wins!
I threw poop cover and I won.
God damn it. Poop cover.
Poop cover to cover your two poop smashers.
Sean,
what would the order of today's draft be? Actually,
before you do tell me the order,
I should remind you it is a serpentine draft.
And what is that?
That's a great question.
It's, uh, if anyone's
ever worked in the service industry, if you've ever waited
tables, I worked at a comedy club.
What they do for the grid at the restaurant,
so it'll start on the bottom, say the bottom right,
and it starts at like table 21 or 11.
And then the whole last row goes from 11
all the way up to 19.
And then you go up one row
and then you start on that side at 29.
And that goes all the way from left to right over to 21.
And then you go up and then it starts at 31. And then you go all the way over to the other side of the room
to 39. And then you go up, starts at 49. Then you go all the way back over to 41. So that way,
when you hear a number, you know exactly which table to go to. But they're often laid out in
serpentine form. So, you know, just up to the left, up to the right.
So when you said service industry restaurants,
you did actually mean the floor plan of the specific bar that you worked at.
I have done about 200 of these.
And on this one, that's what I chose.
Yeah.
Basically, what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round,
you pick first in the second round.
Now, with that in mind, Sean, what will the winner of today's draft be?
Miel is going first.
Oh.
Yeah.
Because you rule.
Do you not want to go first?
I'll take it.
Thanks, Sean.
Yeah, go first.
I'm going to go second.
Ian's going to go third, and David's going to go fourth.
Oh, hot corner.
Yeah, dude. I'm out here shaking Shit up
Almost like the season spring itself
It's a new beginning
I know you like the hot corner Ian but I
I don't know I like
It sometimes gives a little more wiggle room to not have
To do back to back each time so
I like this this is what I like for the layout
Today let's do a wiggle room
I'm wiggling right now I actually did read that each time so i'm i like this this is what i like for the layout today let's do a wiggle room i'm
wiggling right now i actually did read that i read that in variety about ian famed wiggler man you
know sitting here in on a zoom wiggler sitting here on a zoom call with the four of you makes
me realize how much fun and how much i took it for granted when the four of us would get together
at head gum because those were always one of my favorites.
It does.
Think about it.
How much fun we would have just sitting there and drinking way too much coffee.
And then I ended up being like, well, I got it.
What, am I not going to have a drink?
They got liquor down there.
Then it would turn into a night, and it just, it'll happen again.
But it just makes me reminisce and miss it so much.
And I love the four of you a ton.
So I just wanted to stop and say that.
Absolutely.
Absolutely. Now, we have the order established we have
which one of us is a little sweetie established
it's Sean Jordan and we're going to get
to Meow's first pick
in the spring all fantasy
everything draft right after this short break
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Yeah, we're back.
Welcome back to All Fantasy.
The only podcast that has ever existed.
This is the only podcast, folks.
We invented it
and no one else has done one since then.
This is it.
In fact, that's the only form of media
other than tourist season
available wherever you can get music
and also back episodes of Punch
Up the Jam. Always a good time. Always
a good time. But that's it. If you've heard
something, it's been one of those three things.
Now, Sean Jordan, you have the first pick.
No, you don't.
Meow.
You have the first pick.
Fredo.
Fredo!
Okay, I don't think anyone's
gonna like it. In fact, I think anyone's gonna like it.
In fact, I think you're gonna hate it.
You're not picking Shane, are you?
Oh, shout out to Shane.
I love Shane.
I love him.
I miss him so much.
That was me lashing out.
Okay, I think that I understand why you'd be lashing out.
The cat thing sounds really hard.
Well, you know, sometimes they transfer their aggression.
So I could talk about it again if you want.
It's a riveting story.
You know what else is riveting?
The erection specialists are often riveting.
Yeah, let me stop traffic for a second.
David and I were at breakfast one time,
and I walked past this guy in a diner in a shirt.
Believe this.
You're not going to believe this is real,
but it said the erection specialist on it.
He worked for a construction company called the erection specialist.
These two give me flack or guff, depending on what part of the country you're from, about
thinking that's hilarious when it just is hilarious.
Ian wasn't there.
I didn't give you even an ounce of guff.
I wasn't there.
You must have been the one giving me flack then because you guys both make fun of me.
This is another false flag.
He was not there. I think you guys, we need to, guys, everyone buy a cameo from Sean. make fun of me. This is another false flag.
He was not there. I think you guys,
we need to,
guys,
everyone buy a cameo
from Sean.
He needs some tuna juice.
We're not doing okay.
Whoa.
Can that be the new
cool your jets?
No,
Ian didn't give me
anything about it.
Get some tuna juice,
Sean.
You need it.
I find the notion
of a company being called
the erection specialist
hilarious.
I think it's delightful.
That is a t-shirt from like a early 2000s Abercrombie and Fitch for sure.
I need that.
They incorporated.
They went to a fucking government building and said, yeah, we're the erection specialist.
And then they also, the separate transaction was getting the t-shirts made.
That's funny.
I like it.
I promise you, I promise you that's not a real construction company.
I promise you. There were a real construction company. I promise you.
There were a bunch of them, apparently.
You're wrong.
It was 100%.
It can't be so.
It can't be.
Now, if you'll clear it up for me for a second,
I'll tell you why I think it's funny.
Erection is a synonym for boner.
Like when a penis gets hard.
Now, that's a funny thing to think about
because it also works for putting a building up.
I thought you met the neighbor from The growing pains no no that's what who's the neighbor from the growing pains boner oh boner no no no no no no the shout out to boner though
you could make me laugh oh man that's funny so for my first pick, prepare to yell at me.
I'm picking the best part of spring, which is that it's not winter.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
That is.
It's not winter.
It is not winter.
It's spring.
Although sometimes it is winter.
Sean would have had me deported had I said that, but no.
I see. This is why I was expecting
because based on the way you have been received with your
creative choices, I was expecting
a bit of flack and or guff
and yet it's being accepted.
What do you mean
by that? What do you mean by it's not
winter? I'm afraid you're going to accuse
me of spoiling other picks.
That is true. You may. I'm afraid you're going to accuse me of spoiling other picks. Oh, yeah. I very well may.
You may. I'm going to take
one. I'm going to take one, and if you're mad at
me, so be it. I'll accept your anger.
I very well March, April, and May.
It's the spring boy!
I am so tired
of the sameness
of the cold,
but more specifically,
and if you must specify my pick,
then make it this, please.
I am so tired of wearing
the same winter coat every day.
There it is.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So by it being not winter,
the possibilities are endless.
I couldn't do anything.
Everything's possible
when it's simply not cold every
day. Yeah. It's not.
Well, I can't. Can I?
How many things can I steal with this pic?
I was going to say, no, you got the one.
You don't have to wear your winter coat anymore.
Fine. I'll take it.
My winter coat? Love him.
He's doing amazing. It's not
what I want to wear every single day.
The monotony is enough to kill
a woman dead in her shoes what kind of winter coat do you have you know before new york i was like
i'm a pea coat lady i'm chic i won't let winter sacrifice my fashion and then i came to new york
and was like this is funny that was cute when it's truly, what was the word I learned?
Brick outside.
Brick.
I have to wear a puffy, unfortunately.
And it does do the trick.
Yeah, you got to get a bubble goose like all the Wu-Tang Clan in the mid-90s.
A Sean Puffy coat, yeah.
And the one I got, it's great.
The lines on it are wide set and they're not straight across.
So I don't feel so much like I do my clothes shopping at REI.
But it's still exhausting.
REI is a quality product.
Yeah, they got good shit.
You don't understand.
Coming from the Pacific Northwest, the fashion here is like every single person.
Are you talking about not liking REI from the Pacific Northwest?
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.
That's insane.
It's a Northwest staple.
I am saying that's exactly why I have no taste for it.
You can't tell me this is a serve
when you bought all of your clothes from REI.
If you're not mountaineering,
don't wear your mountaineering.
I don't want you to wear an Arc'teryx.
Unless you're truly in a blizzard,
who is that for?
Why are you wearing scratchy cargo pants that I
can hear from down the fucking hall
to go to work?
What is the point?
You need some tuna juice, I think.
I know what you mean, though. I know what you mean.
There are a subset of people
who live in downtown Portland, and I'm sure
it's also true in Washington,
where it's just like, all the time with this gear
that's literally made for scaling a mountain.
Oh, yeah.
We have it in Denver.
The Patagonia boys.
Gorp core, they call it.
Gorp core.
Well, they have like REI denim,
and you're like, that's not what you're wearing.
You don't need the REI denim.
It's like water-resistant denim.
And I'm like, how fucking messy are you in your life?
Do you need this?
Yeah.
It's for when you're yakking.
That's what we call kayaking.
Me and the Gonya boys.
Yakking the boots.
Me and the Gonya boys going yakking.
Me and the Gonya boys going yakking.
So like a jacket's great, but not every day.
And in the spring, I got some options.
All right.
So the wardrobe opening up.
We're putting it on the wardrobe opening up.
That's perfect.
I have become such a coward about the cold here in Los Angeles.
You don't have colds there in Los Angeles.
It's 55 degrees and I'm freezing.
I've also lost like 150 pounds,
which I think makes me feel colder,
but I get fucking frigid.
I feel you.
As in refrigerator.
I mean, as a woman,
I understand what it's like to feel cold all the time.
Thank you so much.
I'm a woman now too because of this.
That's how I get it.
Effectively.
I'm a man.
I'm a boy.
My boy, Sean Jordan,
has the next bit.
Let's hear it.
Daylight savings time.
Yeah, I had to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mentioned it earlier, but daylight savings time yeah i had to do it yeah yeah yeah
i mentioned it earlier but absolutely yeah that had to go i was i've never been more excited i
don't think than this year i i don't know what it is i think this well i do quarantine with
just inside all the time so it's like now there's another hour of daylight another hour being able
to be outside and walk well you know whatever just do stuff daylight savings times is my pick
they really figured that out with the whole spring forward fallback stuff you know, whatever, just do stuff. Daylight savings times is my pick. They really figured that out
with the whole spring forward, fall back stuff.
You know what I mean?
I love falling back, but I love springing forward.
I don't mind missing an hour.
I love springing forward the most.
Falling back, I'm like, yeah.
I have a question.
I don't know if anyone can answer it.
I don't know.
Why do we deal either?
And what would happen if we did neither?
Wouldn't it just stay the same?
I think it would balance out.
We just have less time
i think it was it was designed for farming i think so there would be more daylight in the morning for
farmers children to work wait no but the daylight's the same regardless of what hour we say it is
right but there's more light earlier in the day whereas if they stayed the same yeah it's just
catching up our time with the it's shifting our time with the daylight some more of our days in the light right because if we did it then
everything would start late and then it'd be dark at like 2 p.m while you're still at work and shit
it would just slowly get more and more offset until we were diurnal i don't think so i think
it would just offset an hour arizona and indiana don't have daylight savings time. And if you want to be like either of those states,
I fucking, good luck, sister.
I'm going to live where I'm going to live,
but I do operate on those time standards.
I'm actually living very Indiana time zone right now,
if you could respect that.
You know what's something weird to think about having the energy for?
We used to go to the bar when it was fall back
and you'd get an extra hour of bar time. Thinking about having the energy to do that now it just seems mind-boggling now that i'm
going to bed at like 10 o'clock every night thinking that i would be at a bar at two in the
morning and they'd be like all right it's one again what do you and i'd be like what this sucks
i found myself at the bar just through happenstance several times i think when we're
falling back oh yeah same yeah it's i find it
freaky when it's light out till 10 p.m that freaks me out what i love it the most yeah me too see i
like i like gloomy weather more than most more than your average person i think i like a gloomy
day i like early dark but i don't know this year i'm really looking forward to daylight savings
times daylight savings time i don't know why i keep putting s on it early dark
i like early dark please stop spoiling my next single i like a cloudy day i don't mind a gloomy
day i don't mind early dark but i mind when scumbags come into my city and try to tell me
how to line up my tables okay yep these are all my lyrics so i don't know how
you got these i'm gonna write a whole rap after this timberland sent them to me so you like daylight
savings time i love it too i think it's one of the best things about spring the days are getting
longer it's been so brutal having these short fucking days that's true in more than any other
year like you were saying because of the quarantine and stuff
like that and you're like yeah which is weird because i think i should enjoy it more because
it's like oh no more glare on the tv and it's 4 p.m but no it just depressed the fuck out of me
yeah it just bums you out it's just your natural just human nature you just i don't know you just
need more light and i think this year more than most So that is my pick. It's time for Ian Carmel's pick.
My favorite thing about,
my favorite thing about spring is,
is green coming back.
Yeah.
It's like nature's,
nature's blooming.
It's like green coming back.
Flowers opening up.
Okay.
You're choosing a couple right now.
Why don't we get a little more specific?
You're going to cop me.
Going to get copped. You're going to get copped.
You're going to get copped.
Mother nature waking back up.
Does that include vegetables?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're not getting into food.
I'm talking about you go for a walk
and all of a sudden nature's waking back up.
There's flowers blooming.
There's like buds on trees.
Leaves are coming back.
That kind of thing.
Yeah.
Is that too broad? No, I don't think so. start to get my place to say to get your shadows back you know it's fun you get
uh yeah wait i'm with you shadows the shadows like you know you guys you guys don't the shadows
don't come back you guys don't start doing heavy drugs you, the shadows that you hang out with.
I don't mind the dark.
That was really revealing about the pacifist
that comes out when Sean senses calm.
Like, yeah, shadows are coming back.
My demons arise in the spring.
Flowers.
I enjoy flowers.
I like having them in my home.
I like passing by them on the street.
I sprinkle a little in my hair if I'm in the mood.
Subtle wedding crashes reverence.
Yeah.
But yeah, I just fucking love them.
I like tucking a flower behind my ear and going about my day.
Have you ever been to the tulip festivals?
I've never been to the tulip festivals. I have.
In Washington State?
Yeah, in Washington.
I have.
It's fucking amazing.
The place you drive through to get to the ferry Tulalip? It's so sick
not Tulalip but like
Skagit Valley is the area
you drive through to get to the ferry landing
in Anacortes to come to my hometown
and in the spring they do
like a giant tulip festival that
I have to imagine is only like
shit you can see in the Netherlands otherwise
you know what I mean just like fields as far as the eye
can see yeah it's like a very washington thing for sure yeah and you
can also reflex tulips i just learned this do you guys know about this no you can like gently
basically like take your thumb rub it up the outside of the pedal and like kind of bend it
back against your thumb and then they kind of open way the fuck up and that's like
when you see a beautiful flower arrangement i guess that's what they do oh change your tulip
game at home they'll say it'll be a stir it's a stern flower more closed off than me in most
social situations oh yeah listen i gotta say ian great pick thank you thank you very much you
could have taken them they were right there if you didn't want to take it not being winter anymore no but i'm kind of in an eyeless
mood they were both on the board david boy time for your first and second picks as it is as it is
a serpentine draft serpentine draft uh hmm it's hard to figure out what to pick first because so
many of mine are real specific. I had the same thing.
I'm going to take the improved attitude. More people coming outside means everybody's getting serotonin boosts.
It's like a known thing that spring is when people get like happier and nicer.
So I'm saying like, yeah, just people's the disposition of spring in general is like it's just like it's such a hopeful time of year every year.
It's such an exciting time. it's such a hopeful time of year every year it's such an exciting
time it's such a refreshing time i feel like it's what new year's is shooting for that because
you hit you get january 1st and everyone's like new year and you're like yeah but it still still
cold outside your reward for new year's is fucking january and february the two worst months
i've always thought that was wild to me it's like new year's is almost
kind of depressing you get wet socks and then air that's so cold when you breathe in it hurts
yeah yeah yeah i hate it yeah and then you get to spring and you're like okay new year who dis you
know that kind of thing so that's why i'm i'm with you i love it everyone's in a good mood
yeah i like it it's just like my favorite just everybody yeah everybody you kind of you shake
off even if it's only for a little bit and then you're like oh wait my shit still sucks there's
still a couple weeks that first couple weeks of spring where everybody's like yeah can you believe
it like that's like the tone of everyone you come across it's great right your shit sucks in
technicolor now it's beautiful yeah yeah which is better that's better shit sucking if i'm gonna suck shit yeah suck shit i'm gonna suck bright ass shit if i'm sucking shit you could be one of those
cute ass boba tea cups you know what i mean those are fun i want my shit that i suck to
have more colors than a velvet black light painting that's true
so yeah that's if we're just talking about sucking shit now and that's just sucking shit that's just
sucking shit that's just from a shit sucking perspective i'm with you man people get people
get more cheerful hopeful fun we're in the spring the whole coming out of the quarantine
thing is a very spring of the soul just in general kind of energy like
oh it's double down this year yeah double down this year two two
chicken fried chicken buns dude the double down oh god i'm glad that's over the chicken bun is
that was that the one that was like chickens chicken patties for a bun yeah yeah the double
down so buck i i mean i i'd love i'd eat those every, but I wouldn't have a lot of days left if I ate one of those. Yeah.
You are so introspective today, dude.
It's the light.
It's his lighting.
It's the light.
I think it is.
It's the light shining on me.
I can't, I can't not be.
You're on your solo male white vocalist lighting.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
This looks like the album cover where most of the songs are about your newborn son.
The shadows are enveloping you.
My shadows are bailing on me.
It's scary when my shadows leave.
519 and the shadows have left.
That's the saddest way to describe the dark.
It's scary when my shadows leave.
That's like what a child who's been through some trauma says
it's scary when the shadows leave
i'm gonna put it in a rap i've been writing raps that'll not gonna make any money uh david
having a second pick. Ask 12.
Second pick.
This is another one of those things that's just so reliable,
and you realize at the time of year that this happens every year,
you're always really stoked.
I'm taking the NBA finals.
Oh, shit.
Fuck, man.
I thought I could get that later.
No, it's really. I was going to get that one.
The twan. I was get that one the twan I was gonna get the twan
but I'm all for the NBA finals
David
Daddy
everyone knows I love it
I love when they play that game
where they
beat a ball around a small field with a reed.
You know what I like about the finals is when they hit.
Why are they so angry at the ball?
When they slam bodies.
I like everything with that.
When they're playing basketball and they drip and they slam bodies.
Hey, David, what do they get when they win?
Do they get a prize?
They get that trophy.
They get the Larry O'Brien trophy.
It's like a basketball going in a net. I't know that who was larry o'brien just some guy all right some guy from poughkeepsie
some dude who was hanging out and being cool and they were like you know it's a fucking good dude
larry o'brien wouldn't that be tight if that was the story let's do the trophy after larry
the sports i like end in the spring.
And then it's like, oh, sports are done.
Now it's really time to just be out and do whatever.
You know what I mean?
It's like as close as I can feel.
The end of a commitment.
Yeah, it's as close as I can feel as an adult to getting out of school.
Yeah.
When basketball's over, it's like, it doesn't matter.
I can be anywhere on any day at
7 p.m there's nothing keeping me if i may that sounds like a prison of your own design if i may
march april and may i love it yes you march april it's not it's just a release of a thing it's like
it's like a very summer's a real summer's a really untethered time you know what i mean
i like that i appreciate how many times you raised your eyebrows during an untethered time
oh i think i i'd put like i probably have three hall of fame summers that i'd put against anybody
in the world yeah oh i got a pretty buck summer dude oh 709 i could i bet you that oh Oh, my 07-09, I would, I would, I would.
Actually, no, I don't want to count that one.
A lot of bad stuff happened.
Did 08 not happen?
What did we tell?
What's 07-09?
Is that just that run?
Those three summers?
July of 2009 was.
No, I'm saying 2012 was hot.
2012 was fuego.
I couldn't tell you year wise.
I don't remember what year correlates to anything.
Oh, do you remember by the summer jams?
Probably by summer jams.
What summer was when Ghetto Superstar by Praz came out?
Oh, damn, that was a good summer.
And it was a hot one.
Dude.
It was a...
I was holding hands with girls that summer.
Hold up.
That was a big summer.
That was a big summer that was a big one oh 709 was the
summer before i moved to portland and there was like 10 people that didn't have a job in sioux
falls that were all just kind of there hanging out that like a couple back visiting a couple
were just there being almost homeless it was dope frat joey and dj they all lived like two blocks
from each other and we would just we were we we saw the sun come up like every single day.
Oh, this is your last month, right?
Yeah, this is the one that's like, I don't, I assume it was dank.
Is that a summer some people didn't get out of, make it out of?
Because I have a couple summers like that.
Like, oh, where's Jake?
No, he's still in summer 2010.
He's just like stuck on that July.
He's a face tat now.
You got it.
He doesn't know what to do.
I do love the NBA playoffs, though.
I love watching like basketball, like play important playoff basketball, but it's like
still kind of light out.
The sun's going down.
Maybe you're sitting at an outdoor bar with TVs to that kind of exactly.
You can watch a game and then go do something.
It's not all dark like it is in the winter.
It's just like a really always signifies a great time for me.
I love it. Good job. Time for my second
pick, and I'm going to stay in sports because I'm afraid
of that fucking sneaky, that
sneaky little, that sneaky little
thief. No, I can't guess.
Who's going to take it? I am taking
baseball
being around.
Oh, okay. Like in the peripherals.
I was going to take that.
I don't really want to watch it.
But I like that it's around.
I like flipping channels and watching a baseball game for like eight minutes.
I like hearing it on the radio in the background.
I like knowing I could go to a baseball game and sometimes going to a baseball game.
That is a good L.A. thing.
Yeah, that's a fun L.A. thing.
I'm not going to pretend like I'm some big baseball fan i'm not but i do like it being around there's something
nice about it yeah miel and i heard some shit about you that's what i heard baseball stuff
no what'd you hear let's talk let's talk about it i'll talk about anything i signed an nba not
the time or the placement no i'm not i'm not hiding from anything. Can I ask, what is it about baseball that soothes you?
I don't know.
I'm not a big fan.
Why would you hear?
It is really calming, though.
It's like what I would imagine watching an afternoon of tennis or something would be like.
And Dodgers Stadium got vegan hot dogs now, too.
There it is.
It's slow.
It has exciting moments, but it's slow it's you know it is exciting it has exciting moments
but it's slow it's very green it's a very verdant sport you know and like the the game is so slow
announcers can like take time they like all there's no in basketball sometimes you get
announcers who are like throw it down the bat let pass that you know every baseball announcer is like, swinging a miss?
Back to my story.
That was the day Willie Mays,
although Nutella already existed in Europe,
Willie Mays invented it independently on a road trip
when they were playing the Boston Braves.
He was staying in a hotel,
and he had some hazelnuts.
He had been paid in hazelnuts that season,
and he took them out out and he crushed them and invented.
And a slow fly ball out to left field.
It's like the original podcast.
It's kind of is the original podcast.
A loose format, but really just fucking around.
Just fucking around.
Amen, sister.
There's something just real. There's just something real chill about it. And I enjoy it fucking around. Just fucking around. Amen, sister. There's something just real.
There's just something real chill about it.
And I enjoy it being around.
You know, baseball.
That's my second pick.
Jock Fieldbrook.
Jock Fieldbrook.
The cha-cha slide.
Pretty fun to clap to.
Pretty fun.
I mean, you don't have to go to baseball to do that.
No, you can do that. Wait, don't?
No.
Wait, what?
You can just slide to the rest.
Two claps this time.
Now Charlie Brown.
One hop this time.
Here we go.
See, at the stadium, they change it to claps.
It's a group clapping activity,
which are my favorite type of group activities.
I won't be dictated to by some PA announcer,
and I want to go on the record saying that right now.
I'm not going to clap two times.
I will.
I do anything they tell me.
That's so much more menacing
when the shadows are closing it on you.
The shadows are back.
I do what they say.
Daddy, can you come home from work early?
My shadow's left.
Oh, no.
My shadow's left when the sun was still out, Daddy.
What's happening?
My second pick is opening those windows back up
i like opening the windows um and i'm gonna go in the house but also driving like window down
when you're driving just opening the windows i love it cracking does that's a good one i did
that for the first time cracking does i did it today driving back from the skate park, had the does cracked, and it just puts me in a good-ass mood,
like a really solid, good mood.
I just really enjoy it.
Yeah, I like having the windows down.
I've been keeping the windows open down here.
Get some fresh air circulating through the house.
You've got to change the air out sometimes.
Winter, not really.
Well, who told you to move to New York?
That's fine. I'm just saying it's not the same. You don you can't have winter in la you know what i mean no but it is you know
it's still the same but it does get crispy you know it's it's just the vibe of opening the windows
back up and knowing that you're you know it's springtime circulating there a little bit i love
it we don't have screens in a couple of our windows i do not like an open window without a screen i'll say that oh come on i like it even better i want to be by the streets
access with a no screen window for me yeah i don't i don't i don't want to be able to lean out
i don't need people leaning in i don't um just i'm trying to come up with some follow-up questions
for your pick what's your favorite window to open i like type of window you like a crank you like a push you like a slide i haven't encountered a
crank window oh no we have we have an admit the crib we have those uh cranky went yeah
you know what window i'd like you to open one on google so you could look up how to have a better
fucking attitude there he goes there he goes. There he goes. The real Ian.
That's winter Ian coming out.
You guys got the last glimpse of him.
The shadows.
There's shadows in here too.
You can't see them.
There's shadows in here.
Invisible shadows.
And for their listeners at home,
they are pointing into their heads.
Daddy, my shadow's left.
I'm pointing with everything but my pointer finger.
Pretty straightforward. Yeah. Windows open. What a pleasant little pick. I'm pointing with everything but my pointer finger. Pretty straightforward.
Yeah.
And yeah,
window's open.
What a pleasant little pick.
Meow, time for your
second and third picks.
As it is.
I'm gonna,
I'm drafting the draft
I wish we all were drafting.
I think you guys are,
I think you guys are
being too serious.
I would like you to be
more incorrect
if possible.
I took flowers.
What are you talking about,
Siri?
It's still,
it's still,
it's still good you know
what i mean those are good picks i want to see some bad picks that's what david's got david's
got three more to go good if i don't see some bad picks i'm getting him you're not
crap crap am i off today crap i know it's my fault i'm gonna cover up the camera for the
rest with my weird because you're lit like an a24 film while fucking podcast that's why he's filming honey boy too over there what's going on
the nephews are coming over and they they're gonna be on the middle floor and they stomp and so if
i'm in the basement then i can hear him and so i had to come up in the room it's a whole thing
it's a whole vibe they stomp the yard meow your pick for my second pick, I will, of course, be drafting, you guessed it, Not Summer.
Come on.
What?
Get out of here.
Hack.
I'm calling it.
I'm calling it.
I gots to call it.
I gots to call it.
What about?
You're asking me my favorite things about spring.
My first favorite thing is that it's not winter.
My second favorite thing is that it's not summer. You know my two favorite things about fire? They're not is that it's not winter my second favorite thing is that it's not summer summer my two favorite things about fire they're not water and they're
not earth you don't get to what are you talking about what do you love what do you love about
your wife well she's not my ex bro i'll tell you that right now i kind of like it i hate summer
summer is too hot and it's too light spring exactly right. It is exactly the right temperature.
That is what I mean with this.
You don't like summer?
I think you should absolutely be able to pick anything.
Honestly, your first pick can be it's not winter.
Your second can be it's not summer.
I don't care one bit.
I think a woman's place is in the White House.
I was actually talking to God the other day,
and she thinks the same thing.
So, yeah.
I stand by my picks.
I think these are objectively the two best things about spring.
Not winter, not summer.
You like that it's not summer.
You like that it's not too hot, that it doesn't stay.
It's not sticky.
It's not too buggy yet.
Like, it's just, nothing's fucked up yet.
In the way that summer can kind of get fucked up,
spring is
just a whisper i love it and then hey i'm with it yeah if you if you hated that pick you bet you're
gonna hate this one imagine if i said not winter no um okay it's simply legs that's great legs
it's legs oh legs lay legs? Leg. Leg.
You guys are mishearing me.
I'm saying leg, like egg with an L.
Like your getaway sticks?
The legs.
Yes, like your getaway sticks.
As in the thing your foot's attached to, a leg.
You like seeing people's legs?
A Jordan 3?
I mean, yes.
Sure.
I like seeing other people's legs.
That's part of it.
I like freeing my own legs from the shackles of pants.
Gants.
Oh, okay.
Leg prisons.
I'm tired of...
I want to be able to wear shorts.
I want to be able to wear short pants.
I want to be able to wear some maybe like...
Maybe a dress if I'm really fucked up.
So this is like a wardrobe change as well?
Yeah.
It's more of a freedom thing i think than like actually clothes
because like but yes it is still clothes are people still doing chants they never stopped i
don't think i don't know what you can wear capris if you want well i mean are people still doing
them i don't know i don't see people doing like short pants anymore that's what i'm asking i'm
old man i think women are still doing short pants i mean culottes there's a lot of short pant options um i think we have more vocabulary now
for the not a pant not a short situation i think this is a great pick i grew up as a i grew up as
an all-weather shorts chance the rapper yeah i think that's like a northwest thing maybe i think
it's a boston thing too though it's like
no it's everywhere there's just dudes like to be like it's not cool yeah we were just talking about
it the other day what are you yeah oh you it's sure it's like that when it's like 20 degrees
be like i can't even feel it you're like you can yeah but like you can and you're lying and it sucks
i don't know i my legs never felt cold until this year. It just didn't happen.
I could wait.
Welcome to the dark side.
It could be fucking no degrees out.
It also depends on how long you're out, right?
Like, you weren't out going for walks in shorts.
If it's 30 degrees and you're just going from the car to the Safeway,
it's, yeah, I get it.
It's not really that big of a deal.
Me and Nick Nampain, I'm on the podcast, not in the studio.
We're down in Ashland, Oregon in the dead of winter,
wearing, like, basketball shorts and hoodies walking to class no matter what yeah i was
gonna say college is different too because i don't know that i i could see that i just uh
also let me be clear i'm not condoning this behavior and i think it's a great pick meal
i love thank you so much i love putting my i love letting my legs out i love seeing other
people let their legs out i feel like it's a lot of work to letting my legs out. I love seeing other people let their legs out.
I feel like it's a lot of work to keep my legs in tip-top shape.
I do a lot of maintenance on the leg.
And for it to just be stuck under a pant,
not even in terms of other people seeing my legs,
I don't really want people to see my legs.
It's more about me getting to appreciate my own work.
Yeah, absolutely. If I'm going to be moisturizing these gams, I at least want to be able to look at them throughout the work. Yeah. Absolutely. If I'm going to be moisturizing these gams,
I at least want to be able to look at them
throughout the day.
Yeah.
No, I like it.
It was on my list for sure.
Shorts.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And I'm ready to be done now.
Next, please.
Gam season, Sean.
Oh, it's already back on me.
Pick number three.
I'm going to say patio chilling.
Oh, yeah.
Patio chilling.
Yeah.
And not out at a bar.
I'm saying you can chill on a friend's patio or the yard, something like that.
I'm thinking of Torrey's specifically.
Outside gathering.
Yeah, like porch chilling.
Porch chilling.
Yeah, porch chilling.
Porch slash deck.
Deck sounds sowestern to me
I feel like people
out here have
patios and back
at back home
they got a deck
really
I grew up there
and I say deck
yeah I don't know
deck feels like
it's attached to
like a split foyer
or something like
that where it's
just I don't know
just like out
there's a grill on
it and it's just
kind of small
deck is just a
raised wood platform
yeah that's all it is
that's all it is
on the back of your house yeah you can just go I don't know it's it's nice again it's again it's just kind of small. It's just a raised wood platform. Yeah, that's all it is. That's all it is. On the back of your house.
Yeah, you can just go.
I don't know.
It's nice again.
It's again, it's just soaking up that like it's new nice.
So everyone's like more apt to be like,
sure, I'll come over and chill.
We can chill for a while.
It's a little bit too cold, but it's still fun.
Yeah, but you don't have to have like a blanket or anything.
You know, I just busted through some schlotzkis
and you're like, you want to eat this on the deck? And I'm i'm like yeah let's eat the schlotzkies on the deck i'm thinking about your
specifically that picnic table out back forget about it i got a good i got a good fucking set
i got a pergola i got a pergola and a fucking concrete platform i got the i got the fucking
hipster lights yeah globe lights did you get any uh climbers on that pergola yet nothing yet uh you
know what's really good down there that sweet potato vine grows like crazy passion vine a lot
of good vines for la oh yeah what is a pergola i built one for an apartment complex what's a pergola
with you my pergola alarm just went off you know you know it's uh traveling people descendants of
eastern romania the pergola the pergola uh pergola sure sometimes you binge a lot sometimes
you pergola hey hey you know i built one though i did build one for an apartment it's still standing
i still don't know what it is it's a shade structure okay all right yeah it's like it's like wood slats that
are spaced apart so that as the sun goes over it the shade moves but it's always got shade
oh the shadows move so it's like it's not like it's not like a whole roof it's like spaced apart
cool do you feel so you're advocating for some back porch pimping i
love that you know what i got into knuckle shut up the smith tea company again knuckle pimping
knuckle pimping dude no uh iced tea i'm back in the i'm back in the iced tea game after like a
two decade are you in it when you were younger picks here oh sorry no ian's talking about the
rapper he out there he's listening to Cop Killer out there. It's fine.
Let's just get it out.
It's iced tea season again in the spring.
We get it.
Iced tea season.
I got it in the fridge right now.
Mellowing for tomorrow.
Yeah.
I love the process of making iced tea,
just keeping the bags in there.
Yeah.
I love just leaving it.
I like making a drink for 12 hours from now.
It's something I like about it.
Oh, you make a cold brew iced tea.
I do make a cold brew iced tea.
You could do the,
it hasn't been sunny enough to do one back on the back porch.
You can also do it with hot water
and then just chill the water after.
Oh, yeah.
No, I do the cold brew, thyme.
Yeah, that's some fancy stuff.
That's nice.
That's some nice shit.
There's thyme now, man.
There's thyme.
Have some sun tea on the pergola patio.
I place the tea bags into the glass carafe,
and then I have a great deal of time.
And with the time,
is this turning into Maya Angelou?
Or no, am I okay?
Yeah.
I was thinking like Vincent Price towards the end.
Mr. Tea Kagi.
Somehow only your face is lit now.
This is crazy, Sean.
Yeah, you are full villain mode now.
It's wild.
The sun is moving.
So I don't know what to do.
I thought you were having a daughter.
Time for my third pick.
Oh, I get it.
My third pick I'm taking.
Somewhat related to porch, but this is more wide open
having a coffee outside while it's still maybe a little too cold for it yeah oh when you're
when you're pushing the envelope when you're pushing the envelope when like you're sitting
out there and you have your like hands dug pretty far into your hoodie pocket or like whatever
you're wearing like you're like fuck it i'm wearing a t-shirt all day i feel like we did that we did that like last spring when
you had to drive here for some reason me you and nick nampay not on the podcast not in the studio
did the had some coffee turned maybe turned into beers when it was a little too cold out
but we just kept it going i love that i just love it being a little too cold out and be like fuck
we're doing this anyway which also might be Northwest thing, but I think it's an everywhere but California and Florida thing.
That's the thing.
Like, yeah, we definitely do it back home.
Like anything, any kind of sort of semblance of nice weather, we're just like, well, yeah, let's just sit outside the whole time.
There are a lot of opportunities to have a hot beverage when it's cold out, and I enjoy that.
But not so cold that you can't be outside.
Spring, early spring specifically, right now, really, is like the perfect time for it.
Yep.
Oh, yeah.
Anyway, that's what sprung to mind for that pick.
David, time for your third and fourth.
My third pick is Easter.
Oh, really?
What?
Yeah, it's like, listen to me.
I thought it out.
I'm not just saying.
It's not really the religious implications.
Well, no, first of all, I think it's fine.
David's an Easter stone?
I think it's great.
I think it's always the first barbecue of the year.
It's one of those holidays that, like, a lot of people get together despite what its meaning is. Like most of the Easter barbecues I've been to are not like, oh, my gosh, thank God he rose from the dead.
Like it's just it's just really the first time in spring that kind of you can do that.
Hey, loved ones, let's get together and have a dinner and play dominoes outside in horseshoes or whatever you want to do.
It's like the first park meetup of the year.
And it's always Easter.
And I think it's just like, I've had bad Christmases.
I've had bad birthdays.
I've had bad St. Patrick's Days.
Never really had a bad Easter.
It's a low stakes holiday.
Yeah, exactly that.
Exactly that.
If you enjoy Easter, if you enjoy Easter, thank a Jew.
Christ didn't kill himself.
He said it, y'all.
I would also like to add
that I think you guys sound really cool
right now, but we can be honest.
As I already said, this is a safe space.
Easter egg hunt
is the real reason this is on the draft.
Easter egg hunt is absolutely
ruled. I like decorating Easter eggs.
I'm going to shotgun a hard-boiled egg.
I don't really care for Easter eggs, to be honest.
Really?
I'm sorry.
It just feels like you just hard-boiled a bunch of eggs,
and then you're going to throw them away.
No, I eat them.
What do you mean, throw them away?
I throw them away in my stomach, dude.
I'm talking about the ones that people die.
It's fine.
The Easter egg continents are the ones.
I eat the ones you die.
I throw them away when they turn into poop,
and I throw them in the toilet.
David, sorry.
Sorry.
David, do you think you don't eat the dyed eggs?
I don't really eat hard-boiled eggs in general,
but no, I don't really ever eat the dyed ones.
Yeah, you do.
So you think no one eats the hard...
If they get dyed, they go in the trash.
I thought they just put them behind the fucking tent
or whatever, and it's like,
oh, the kid found one.
Ah, great.
I make them into Snoopy Little Devil eggs.
Yeah, I don't know.
I never...
I got nothing for Easter eggs, really. Snoopy Little Devil eggs who love to kiss, Sean? Snoopy Little Devil eggs. Yeah, I don't know. I got nothing for Easter eggs, really.
Snoopy Little Devil eggs who love to kiss, Sean?
Snoopy Little Devil eggs I like to eat, yeah.
Easter candy is fucking elite.
I love Easter candy.
I love eating an Easter bunny.
You don't eat a Cadbury egg.
I love taking a bunny's head off
and then making eye contact with someone.
All candy that makes my stomach hurt, yeah.
Easter candy does?
Yeah.
David's not a candy guy.
David doesn't like candy.
I do like Easter a lot.
I don't like Easter candy.
I love Easter.
You're a ham dancer.
Or eggs.
Or eggs, yeah.
You're a ham boy.
I'm a ham boy.
David, time for your fourth pick.
Everybody's horny.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody is horny. It's nice to have that energy out there a lot of people
dumped their fucking cuffing season person and people are out everybody can see each other again
it's like a nice like it's just like a nice like i remember a couple years ago when i was having
all those barbecues in my house in la it was just like you could feel it in like april just like people looking at people i just love it and
that's in los angeles in denver or like places where there's like serious winter you can feel
it that like weird april horny and it's always like a guy that you work with who's like you're
like you gotta calm down jake or jen or jenna or whatever, I like that. Everybody's horny.
I think it like keeps people on their toes.
I think it's a fun time.
It goes with the,
it goes with the leg season.
You know what I mean?
That's part of it.
Cause people are like,
Oh yeah.
She's saying horny though.
She said she liked her legs and the freedom.
No,
no,
no,
no,
no.
I think it's,
I think it goes hand in hand with it where it's like people see flesh and
they're like,
Oh yeah,
we're,
we're animals.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like the horniest of all in the spring are the
birds you know how many times i've been like oh what a beautiful spring day looking at the trees
and accidentally see birds just ferociously fucking it's really upsetting oh you gotta love
it you gotta love it they're back to it nature's healing itself i love the idea of that as a catchphrase birds fucking you gotta
love it what a country birds fucking you gotta love it you gotta love it bro no one hornier in
the spring than the avians what about the rabbits don't rabbits rabbits rabbits fuck a lot in this
i think they stay fucking.
Michael B. Jordan and also rabbits be fucking.
Sophie B. Hawkins, rabbits be fucking. Sophie B. Hawkins.
Eric B. Rakim and rabbits be fucking.
Yeah, there's a big horny energy in the spring.
Yeah, I love it.
It's like okay for three weeks to just be weird and horny.
I like it.
I just ordered some real high shorts,
and I can't wait to put that energy out there.
Yeah, drop a ball out on them.
I think I'm going to order some mid-thigh shorts.
Why stop there?
L apostrophe eggs.
I'm going to be putting them out there.
Everybody's horny.
I love it. time for my fourth pick
uh oh i like early summer blockbusters which we get in the spring the first big movies of the year
yeah like it's not men in black but it's like they'll put the avengers out in like may you
know what i mean they'll put like a marvel like ant-man or some shit like that will
come out you know what i mean like you'll get a jurassic park in may you'll get like those kind
of movies and i love that i love like a bit it's like you go see a movie at fucking like six and
it's still light out when you get out of it maybe the sun's just going down you're full of popcorn
i can't wait for that oh Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I love the movie.
I love going to the movies and getting out while it's still light.
I love that.
I love that feeling.
Like, you still went when you got off work, you know?
Like, got off work, went to see X-Men 2, and then got out and still, like, went to a party
and it was light up.
Oh, man.
Right.
Ooh, there's still some day left?
It's fucking amazing.
I love that feeling.
Oh, I love it.
I love it.
I miss movies.
Me too. Sean john are you reading a
book what's going on i miss him no i'm look i'm checking something out for my next pick it just
changed um but yeah you just changed it were you gonna take movies so so much no i wasn't so much
oh i miss popcorn the whole thing i miss sitting next to someone i don't know and having the same experience
oh when else do you get that driving they're parking like we used to go to the amc in burbank
and there's a mall attached everything i want was there they had a buffalo wild wings
a couple bars ice cream places so many hula hoops there's a fudruckers over there oh
oh there's a fudruckers over there that's the only time that's been said
with that exact intonation yeah it has i i felt it in your heart man that was beautiful
man zach and i went on like straight updates to that place where we would go to fudruckers
get ice cream and then go to a movie oh i miss eating popcorn like a fucking animal
you just get a handful of it and then move it around your face
until it eventually finds your mouth.
I love it.
Like one of those games with the little ball bearing
when you were a kid.
Just, yeah.
Oh, there it is.
Anyway, early summer blockbusters.
I love that.
Sean?
You change it.
I'm going to pick awards season.
I had to check the dates on it but like
the academy awards and stuff like that that's not a spring thing yeah the academy awards are
april 25th the oscars are and i just looked at like yeah are they not normally no that's a winter
thing that's a late winter no way really usually the grammys are in february the oscars are on like
febru late february yeah everything that's like winter stuff. Oh, well, nevermind. I just, I know the Grammys are this Sunday and I, oh, well,
all right. Nevermind. I'll go with my other one. Bike rides. Yeah. It's like, I always like a bike
ride. I like them in the summer, but I like them the most in the spring. Uh, it's like, again,
it's like the new, it's new, it's fun again. And it doesn't
feel like a, like a workout or anything. It's like a nice, enjoyable, I'm doing this because
I want to. And that's the only reason it's not a health thing. It's just because I want to go out
and enjoy spring and a bike ride. I'll do that for you. I don't know how to say this every time you say it sean specifically you i hear by cried by cried
whoa now i hear it too yeah a bike ride oh weird bike a bicycle ride bicycle ride
a bicycle cried what kind of of seat? Banana.
Saddle. You like a squishier?
I don't think I've ever got like a special seat. I just
kind of take the stock, whatever's on the bike.
Mine's not that squishy, but I
wear the shorts with the pads in them. With the squish.
With the squish. See, that's my problem. A bike is
really uncomfortable for me.
I get a really squishy seat. Yeah, they go hard
on your butt for sure. I had to put a week
on that shit with the pad to get my gooch used to it.
But like it happened.
You have to callous it.
I got a callous gooch.
But I haven't been on my bike for like a week.
So it might be gone now.
All Fantasy Everything is sponsored by Cal Gooch.
Didn't Sean go there?
You went to Cal Gooch?
I went to Cal Gooch State.
It's down the road.
Cal Gooch State.
They have to let you in.
They have reciprocity.
Cal Gooch State. It's down the road. Calgooch State, they have to let you in. They have reciprocity. Calgooch Long Beach.
Everybody loved to use the word reciprocity when college was happening right around the
time I was going to college.
And I think that's just all the people who were like-
Was it because of that Lauryn Hill song?
Lauryn Hill.
They were just like guaranteed.
That's how they knew the word is because those are the colleges that they could get into
in other states.
I love bikes, dude.
I fuck-
I'm big into bikes now.
Shout out to Surly.
I love my bike.
I fucking so love it. I can't believe I waited so fucking, I'm big into bikes now. Shout out to Surly. I love my bike. I fucking so love it.
I can't believe I waited so long.
I'm from Portland.
I think I was resisting the natural urge to get on a bike.
Do you really feel like that?
Because I was thinking that about Denver the other day, where they're very anti-biker in a way that like, like if you're from here, it's like cool to be like fucking bikers.
Cyclists.
Bikers are motorcyclists i'm
talking about bicyclists i'm not talking about the sons of silence if i hear a biker i'm thinking
hell's angels banditos oh i'm talking about the banditos i like to i like to ride around
and go to highway bars with the banditos that's my favorite part of spring portland is very pro
biker but then there's a whole strata of people who are very anti-biker
who have like those are kind of the barnacles at the bar kind of dudes yeah you're right here on
your bike oh it drives me crazy people to get that have time to get mad about that stuff yeah
uh bicycle ride meal time for your fourth and then your final picks. The fifth round is a lightning round now. We do a quick lightning round. Okay, I'm saying the smell.
The smell of spring.
Hell yeah.
I love that smell.
How would you describe the smell of spring?
It's like vaguely floral,
but there's also some,
like a hint of a fresh cut grass vibe,
like a tiny bit of grassiness.
And then there's also like a, sometimes depending on where you are, you might get like a hint of wood smoke because like a tiny bit of grassiness. And then there's also like a,
sometimes depending on where you are,
you might get like a hint of wood smoke
because like it's still a little cold.
So maybe there's little sunfires.
Bonfire, wood piles,
everyone's burning off their wood piles
because it's like warm enough
to have their big old burn.
But then there's also like a little bit of,
I don't know, like an air.
It's like a fresh air smell.
It's crisp still.
It's that winter crispness, but with like a floral and cut grass hint. And you're right a fresh air smell. It's crisp still. It's that winter crispness but with like a floral
and cut grass hint. And you're
right about the fire smell.
I have some of that right now. It's coming in. It's so
nice. It is. It's like
all this mashup of all the people doing all the dope
stuff they want to be out doing. That just
mashes up into like this dope
spring candle. It's just like a
I smell the bike ride on the breeze, you know?
It's like in the same way in the summer
when you smell it and you're like, whoa.
No, that's stinky.
I smell the bike ride on the breeze.
That's a stinky stink.
That's that funk.
That's when you're trying to use a patchouli-like
natural deodorant.
It's stinky.
The crystal isn't working, pal.
Yeah.
Smells like you biked about 10 summer miles today.
Summer miles.
It's not a good look.
Okay.
There's not a lot to say about it.
My last pick,
lightning round pick.
Baby animal season.
Oh, yeah.
I like looking at them.
Totally.
I like looking at them, okay?
I like it.
Put them on the glass.
I love looking at a baby animal.
Where are those little chicks at?
Little baby deer.
Little baby bunnies.
Baby ducks.
They're so fluffy.
And like kittens and puppies.
Every animal is a baby in the spring.
Like every single animal is a Pisces.
I don't understand.
Are Pisces babies?
I didn't know that.
It's like a spring sign. It was
like a quick one-off for any of my astrology heads
out there. You're very seen by
me. Thank you.
Seen has the next pick.
Seen, what's your final pick?
Very specific to me,
but you can get out and you
can go skateboarding again. All the snow has melted
off. You can get out and actually successfully
skateboard outdoors at a skate park with a fence around around it with a helmet on we like to obey
the laws it's so cold for so long that when you get spring you're just at it like that's where we
would film like a lot of our best stuff would be like we're so antsy to go skate we'd go try
handrails and stuff and it was just nothing beats it nothing beats getting on your board after a horrible winter of not being able to do it famine and heard and wrote down rollerblading
uh time for my final pick if that goes on that if that goes in that damn database i'm gonna come
to wisconsin and wring your neck i believe the dude lives in wisconsin it's gonna be a wisconsin
death trip it's rollerblading make sure you write down rollerblading my final pick baby it's passover who doesn't love it
there you go i'm saying celebrating our deliverance from egypt the 10 plagues it's the first time i
ever got drunk it was on manischewitz wine i was 12 maybe younger adorable that's young was it like
a lot of was it like a lot of were there other kids doing it that time? Or was it just kind of like a couple other kids and we got drunk together?
Eating brisket, eating kugel, which I don't even like, but I'm glad that it's around.
A fucking, you know what I mean?
Like a matzo ball soup.
Why not?
Whatever, man.
Hook me, hook it up.
I love Passover.
David, time for your final pick.
Oh, spring thaw.
I just was thinking about that spring thaw is when
obviously all the lakes thaw because you can't ice fish forever and all the bass are spawning
and it's just like on like michelle kwan are you gonna go look for your iphone after they
after all the lakes thaw no i gave that to the gods i gave you drop your phone in an ice fishing
hole he gave it to poseidon oh yeah oh yeah that's a recurring nightmare no kind of a cool thing to have happen yeah that's five days
of best five days of 2020 were probably those five days without my phone i was trying to find
it in a hole no no no it was gone it was beautiful it's a gift to us too can we say my friend david
lost his phone in an ice fishing hole and
that's a fun sentence to say yeah now you have something to talk about did you text david i would
but he dropped his phone into an ice fishing hole and that sucker's gone yeah i've only facetimed
once during all this and that was it we just facetimed about david dropping his phone and
we're better we just sat there and glowed together it was amazing we actually have
facetimed a couple times during this I was thinking about that the other day.
Yeah.
I'll FaceTime you right now, dude.
That was the final pick.
The final pick of the draft.
Miel, to recap, you went first.
You took not winter, not summer, legs, the smell, and baby animal season.
Sean, you went next.
You took daylight savings time, crack and doze season. Sean, you went next. You took daylight savings time,
crack and doze, opening windows,
porch
slash deck
slash patio chilling,
bike rides and rollerblading.
Strapping on
eight wheels of thunder
and taking them out for a spin.
I went third and I took flowers blooming,
Mother Nature's Return,
baseball being around,
a coffee outside when it's a little too cold
to be drinking outside,
early summer blockbuster movies,
and Passover.
David, you went last and you took better tudes,
the NBA finals,
Easter,
everybody's horny,
and the spring thaw.
Marissa, did you have a pick?
I just like buying new plants.
Buying new plants for the apartment.
It's nice to go to a garden
center and just shop for plants.
Hell yeah, plant shopping.
Did we leave anything on the board? Not really.
I didn't have a ton of extra.
We covered, yeah, I mean. Picnics?
I had a couple.
Bright colors, but that was mentioned.
Morale season.
Fiddlehead fern season.
Pea season.
Layering outfit season.
You can do that in the winter.
Yeah, it's going to be pea season after this podcast.
I'm going to hold that in.
Does getting out of school count?
We're going to have pea season right now.
Getting out of school is summer, ain't it?
That's summer thing, right?
I think that's summer.
Yeah.
I associate it with summer, even though I think technically because it's before june 22nd or whatever it's right i think this
would be really remissed in the specifically when we're saying the flowers we have to mention
plum blossoms cherry blossoms magnolia trees and lilacs i just feel really weird about that so i
just needed to say them shout out to them shout out to them yeah shout out to cherry blossoms
big shout out to cherry blossoms shout out to them. Yeah. Shout out to Cherry Blossoms. Big shout out to Cherry Blossoms. Shout out to Sakata
Season.
That's kind of it. Yeah.
Yeah, I got it. I feel like
we covered it. Comedy Festival Season kind of
starting. That is. Always happened in the spring.
In the old days.
A lot of like winter festivals, but we want to hear yours.
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Sha-clackity! that was a hate gun podcast