All Fantasy Everything - Superhero Actors in Non-Superhero Roles (w/ Sean Jordan & David Gborie)
Episode Date: September 23, 2021I can be your hero, baby. But also, I can play several other roles encompassing the depth and breadth of the human experience. Either way, you... can... take... my breath away. Support the sh...ow! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverything Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is All Fantasy Everything,
the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything
from the world of pop culture.
On today's episode, we're drafting superhero actors
in non-superhero roles.
I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and I'm joined, as always,
by my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey.
Let's get drafting.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything,
the podcast that is currently beating the Ohio State Buccaneers.
Yeah.
Did you see Big Boy's tweet?
No, what'd he say? He said, he's like, Oregon got 108,000 fans real quiet right now,
and it's just a video of him panning the whole,
is it the Buckeyes they're playing? Yeah, they're playing the Buckeyes. Yeah, just panning the whole but is it the Buckeyes they're playing yeah playing
the Buckeyes yeah just panning the whole thing and they're just quiet it's fucking I think it's
it's big boys twitter it's got to be a video of him I don't see how it wouldn't be but anyway his
son plays for the Ducks oh well yeah that answers any ducks yeah I didn't know that I would have
thought that regardless of context yeah dude i bet
you that kid is so popular at school oh yeah i mean for a couple reasons but you're big boy's
kid holy buckets i will say uh it's 28 21 the ohio state buckeyes are still within striking
distance so if they end up losing the ducks go portland state that's all that's all
i'll say that's the beavers that's the vikings that's where i went fuck the beavers the beavers
you know whatever i mean if you like the beavers good for you i don't but if you do i don't happy
for you i don't i think orange is cool that's about it yeah orange is cool i got some i got
those orange new balances i like those but not a Beaver fan.
I was the face of the Beavers for like a year.
That's right.
I did a Beaver commercial.
Eating a lot of pussy?
No.
ICP calls it cotton pie.
Now, I remember, though, I was...
I know, isn't that gross?
Cotton pie.
I hate that.
I hate that.
But anyway, so I was getting ready to shoot this
commercial and it was like five in the morning and i was standing outside of the bookstore and
this there was a praying mantis on the wall and i was so excited and every kid that walked by
i was just like dude there's there's a praying mantis on this wall you got to check this out
and they all looked at me like i was the biggest loser. It was just, it was so funny. I was like, I guess priorities change when you turn into an adult.
Because I was just so pumped.
And nobody, they were just like, shut up, dude.
You were older than all of those kids.
Wait, I was 35.
It was whenever Lopez got married.
I was like 36 or something.
Bunch of engineering and agriculture students just happening by, dude.
Yeah. Bunch of ngs and aggies they got like sorghum production on their mind and retaining walls and shit
that's another thing buying a house all this stuff that you think about the foundation i've
never thought about the foundation of a house before you thought about the heart foundation
though right yeah a lot brett brett the hitman yeah sean michaels right no those are
the rockers brett the hitman heart jim the anvil night heart and then there was another one marty
genetti he was he was a rocker oh he's a rocker yeah yeah yeah marty genetti and sean michaels
were rockers aj galanti couldn't tell you bud sorry i just been watching that thing on netflix
sounds like the name of a bookie yokozuna yokozuna tugboat
ricky the dragon steamboat brutus the barber beefcake this might be as close as we get to
drafting wrestlers so enjoy what you can we should actually do that once because we could do it i
could ice out i just couldn't i it would like it's a very clear line where I stopped knowing anything about
wrestling I used to know everything about wrestling and then one day it just stopped
and one day you copped out of the bath and you were like you know what I'm using a towel today
I'm 13 years old I'm not a virgin I'm I'm done with I'm gonna'm going to join a gang. And then it was.
My problem is I'm just not ahead.
I liked it for like a short window.
And I feel like wrestling fans aren't too fond of tourists, which is exactly what I would be.
Yeah, I like it in the room.
It's like tennis.
I'm not going to watch.
But if I come over and zach's
watching or if zach comes over and throws it on i'm interested but i'm not gonna keep up by myself
right exactly that's exactly how i am too i'm happy i'm really happy for everyone who likes
wrestling i wish i did because it seems awesome to have that in your life yeah i mean who doesn't
want to watch a huge guy jump from the top ropes like Like, I get it. It's fucking awesome. Yeah.
Well, yeah, but I mean, I watch skate videos all the time.
That's my wrestling.
I still have something like that, so I'll take that.
Except wrestling is real, dude.
Skateboarding's fixed.
True.
Yeah, man.
I've been screaming from the mountaintops.
That man screaming from the mountaintops is Sean S. Jordan.
Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. He's Sean Patrick Sean S. Jordan. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter.
He's Sean Patrick Jordan in real life.
Sean S. Jordan on Twitter.
Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.
I sure am.
This is post High Plains?
The week after, right?
Something like that.
Yeah.
I don't want to say if yet because it will not be the second show of the day.
That seems to be the kryptonite.
The second show.
We're usually pretty good on that first show.
And the fact that it starts at noon.
The first show is in the pocket.
Yeah.
I know.
I think this is the best situation for us to win.
I think we were put in a position.
I mean, I'm saying this before going in, but I feel like, is it Saturday?
Predictions.
Yeah.
Saturday.
Saturday.
That is the difficult part as the festival does start on Thursday.
It does start on Thursday.
Saturday morning is traditionally a, of festivals that start on Thursday.
Saturday morning is traditionally a sleep till 1 p.m.
Pull yourself together.
I don't get in.
I land at 10 p.m. the night before.
I have no idea where I'm going to be.
I will have been working with Coldplay all day.
I think that that is the best case.
You're going to be chillaxed from Coldplay.
I think you're going to come in and then like worst case scenario,
noon is that time where you could just ride the drunk through that show.
That's a good point.
Like worst case scenario.
Yeah.
We might, it might be a,
it might be a Red Bulls in the green room situation for this show, but that doesn't mean we're not going to come to play yeah no i'm coming to party
or play i mean well the red bulls are the band that we have opening for us right so of course
they're gonna be in the green yeah the screaming red bulls hey let the red bulls in the green we're
gonna have the raging bull on stage with us shane torres will have been there as well yeah yeah they
know they can know now right yeah they will have known i mean it's also listed on the website so i will yeah it's listed on one of them uh it's not on the other but yeah he um
what did we do last time solid motherfucker that's right he picked roberto duran
the guy that punched a horse monos yeah he meant solid the way that like a concrete wall is solid
i was thinking about it i love shane i think he might be
bad at drafting oh man yeah well he's like all over the place because he also took like uh wishing
well water in the liquids draft and that non-alcoholic liquid and that's like kind of a
that's a kind of a brilliant pick yeah i remember that for sure i remember when he picked that for
sure i absolutely remember i don't think he's bad at drafting i think he's wild at drafting he's wild at drafting and for you to say that he's also bad at drafting yeah yeah yeah
because he's good at being awesome and having a big heart he's the jamis winston of all fantasy
everything where he's gonna like he'll throw for 30 touchdowns and 30 interceptions exactly
which i just appreciate people trying So that's cool to me.
You know,
he's got a big arm.
That's all I want.
Yeah.
That's all I want.
Yeah.
I got nothing coming up.
I got some dates in November and yeah.
November and December.
I have some stuff,
but that's,
you know,
we're going to,
for the,
for the,
for the listeners,
uh,
high planes,
their last all fantasy,
everything live on the calendar,
but we're going to,
I think think start looking
at possibly doing some more dates it's seeming like it's a it's a thing we can we can do yeah
i got the green light so yeah sean's got the green light shout out to laura i'm ready to go
yeah we should do hawaii we should do fucking hawaii we're only doing hawaii we should do hawaii
we should do turks and caicos turks and caicos
british virgin islands u.s virgin islands how many people do we need to get to australia for
it to make sense like 300 at a show it's gonna probably yeah i think it's it might it might not
have to make sense in the economic yeah yeah that just might just be something we do i would go to
australia to break even i would. I would lose money on Australia trip.
I want to go there so fucking bad.
Yeah, I'm for it.
We should go to Ibiza.
Ibiza.
Yeah, yeah.
Barcelona, Ibiza.
DJ Tiesto and all fantasy everything.
Is that one of the DJs anymore?
I'm I think that's one of them.
Samantha Ronson presents samantha ronson
it's gonna be us samantha ronson and fucking like blue man group dude in a visa yeah and then some
dude who plays the theremin in a tiger costume yeah club remix damn i'm in i would love to do a show in ibiza just to show you we were cool
yeah i'm bored oh wait can i say a date did we already do dates we haven't gotten to you yet
but you were gonna go right now oh shit david bory cool guy jokes 87 on instagram not on twitter
yeah i'm out i'm out yes i'm out sorry guys i had that's a win for everyone that when i was like awesome
it's a loss for everyone on twitter you get it you get it oh yeah yeah it's just such a
bummer on there i couldn't stop looking at it dude yeah like if i was like in a bad mood or
something it would be where i went first to just like compound that yeah it's awful it's awful
awful i wasn't strong enough i'm sorry i
wasn't strong enough it's it can be fun to read sometimes but even no matter how well you like
tend your garden we'd still creep in and it's just like exactly today we gotta like every day
it's gonna be an emergency i can't live my life like that that's the thing it was like i feel like
and i was you know what the problem was too man i would look at it a lot before I went to bed and that shit's like, oh yeah, that's
how I know it's bad.
You know what I mean?
I took it off my phone and that helps.
Yeah.
That's so smart.
I didn't even think about that.
That's great.
I woke up and just blasted it.
I was just like, nah, man.
Nah.
Waking up and blasting it as me every day dude you just go out to the gym
go out to the gym to the iron temple yeah throwing the medicine ball around a case of surge in there
i drink surge and then i come down with orbits yeah that's like when bodybuilders refer to
stacking that's what they're talking about yeah we had a surge truck
at our high school i remember they came they were just giving all these high school kids free surge
and i was like yeah it's drug that's drug dealing basically that's like legal drug dealing yeah i
remember did i ever tell you that i remember i was at a boys and girls club and they like pulled up
in a surge hummer and just gave us a bunch of children just like as much as we wanted yeah they get the hooks in
morally just a morally dark dark thing to do the red bull truck too the red bull truck was like
i dated a red bull girl i bet you did i did she was one of those like one of those like go around
give red bull to dudes girls.
They had that thing for a while where it was just like these young girls would go give 20-year-old guys all the Red Bull they could handle.
And then they drink Jager bombs when they're 40.
I didn't need a hot girl giving me that Red Bull.
I was going to drink it anyway.
I didn't either.
I was too.
Do you think you could squish one? Do you think you could if you had to do you think you could take a can of red bull and squish it like open like popeye does with
spinach no no i don't know it just feels like you could it feels like if you had to you could but i
don't think i could either but have i had a red bull yet is this my second red bull yeah you can
yeah it can be your second one you can really want it oh you're two red bull yet is this my second red bull yeah you can yeah it can be your second one you can
really want it oh you're two red bulls in maybe maybe then just ah fuck you you guys are strong
i think you might be able to do it like that if i say that dude fuck you fuck you if i dig deep
if i get the shovel in the shovel in the gravel dude fuck you i'll try i'll do it i liked that yeah oh i will have done it at high plains i will have
done it at high plains never heard your levels get like that that was fun i gotta do marissa
i gotta do marissa's job here yeah levels huh i'm peeking i'm peeking i'm peeking in a lot of ways
the molly is hitting right now you just casually do it now, though.
You don't tell anyone. You don't make a big deal.
Dana's out of town for the weekend, so yeah.
Been on Molly the entire time.
Just you and the cats
in there?
They're on Molly, too.
Fetal Juice is going
ape shit. He's going ape.
This is the only time the recording is
I'm like, guys, you need to give me two hours where tiesto isn't playing and they were like all right we're just having a good
time does it feel like okay wait first my dates are oh yeah this it's gonna be this weekend come
see me at the annex theater in seattle it's gonna be so fun one show friday one show saturday and then i was gonna
say does it feel like kind of like an indoor recess kind of vibe that marissa isn't here it
does yeah it's exactly like that i have wanted to be i have wanted and it just being i wanted to
be like hey are we sure we're recording probably 10 times i've wanted to check that oh yeah i have mine i'm staring at mine because i don't have anyone here to tell me
that i'm screwing up if i'm not you're just looking right this was the only time we could
record marissa said she wasn't available she didn't say why and then we got an email yesterday
saying i'm gonna be on an island all day yeah that's what i was like oh shit you're gonna be
on the island huh i don't know a lot
about toronto but i didn't know it was like they got an island you could be on all day
yeah maybe she's not in toronto maybe not maybe she went to turks or keikos trinidad or tobago
you think she flew to keikos for the day she's probably in keikos i've heard her say some uh
pretty wild things about the keikonians yeah yeah she's not welcome there
that's on site is it is it the turkish and the caiconians yeah the turkish and the caiconians
funny that she said she was on an island since i happen to know for a fact
and do not edit this out marissa but she's in bolivia right now. She's there.
She's in Bolivia.
That island is South America.
I was handed,
I walked to get a coffee this morning, and while I was sitting down enjoying my iced coffee, I was handed
a manila envelope that was given to me
out of an attache case, and I opened
the manila envelope, eyes only,
and there it was.
Pictures of
Marissa Melnick getting off of a twin engine prop plane in fucking Bolivia.
It's tough, man.
It's tough when you find that out.
She's in the plurinational state of Bolivia right now.
Yeah.
I love her no matter what, but it's tough.
I'm laughing like I know what that word means.
I don't know either, but that's what it is.
She purloined a passport she purloined one she's in santa cruz de la sierra
and she's she's up to something that is not clear no that's all right i'll let her live i heard it
had something to do with uh a bodysuit with about 180 pockets inside of it for smuggling rare small birds.
Oh, bird suit.
Bird suiting.
She's bird suiting.
Yeah.
That's a common thing down there.
She knocks them out and then just – and then she flies back up to Toronto.
And that's how she that's how she felt we
she she has never taken a dime from all fantasy everything because she's a bird
she sells them to japanese businessmen who just uh you know they get nude get in there wait for
the birds to wake up yeah yeah yeah which is it's it's not sexual by the way no far from i mean
sexuality is a spectrum that's true that's true that's true it is no one achieves
this is what happens when we're left to our own device yeah or we're just not recording
and we're all talking to ourselves that's the kind of shit we'd be saying anyway
that's very reasonable yeah this is what's going on uh all i want to say to marissa is
la union is la fuerza uh get back to a safe from bolivia and yeah please any other any other dates
coming up david uh october 4th i am gonna be in or october 1st i'm gonna be in des moines for the
des moines comedy festival you gotta be. You know, September 6th,
October 18th,
I think, is gonna be
Faded Denver with
Chris Estrada. So, you know,
we're moving around. I'll be in Des Moines
November
19th or something. More like
Des Moines.
Dude, you're gonna get people boners.
Des Moines.
Called Des Moines because you guys are gonna be Dude, you're going to give people boners. Da Boing. Called Da Boys
because you guys are going to be there.
Dismondness.
Dismondness.
My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter,
at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel
on Jewish. I hope everybody had a good
high holidays. Yom Kippur
and Rosh Hashanah now in the rearview mirror.
Looking forward to hanukkah
and passover coming up oh is it already that time yeah i guess in september
hanukkah's creeping up and yeah i hope everyone had a reflective yom kippur is yom you know it's
so sad that all my knowledge about yom Kippur comes from entourage,
but can you really not?
It really is.
There's an episode.
I don't think you're the only person who would say that though.
Yeah,
that's probably true.
That's crazy.
I'm one of the only people that's going to admit that,
but is it,
can you not eat until the sun goes down?
Is that,
is that you're supposed to fast?
It's a day of reflection and atonement. Yom Kippur.
So it's like,
it's like Lent jammed into one day,
you know, is a way to understand it. Right. You don't eat, you're not, Reflection and atonement. Yom Kippur. So it's like Lent jammed into one day.
It's a way to understand it.
Right.
You don't eat.
The hardcores don't even drink water.
And you go to temple and you reflect.
You make amends for what you've done in the last year if you need to, if you feel like you should.
Yeah. And you atone for your sins, for lack of a better word.
But yeah.
Crazy.
Sundown to sundown. Then you eat a brisket. lack of a better word but yeah crazy sundown to sundown
then you eat a brisket you eat a kugel oh yeah what's a kugel a cool thing could be other
cotton pie it's what we call cotton pie it's either a savory or a sweet noodle dish
okay noodle casserole because i made i made challah one time you did i remember when i'm
yeah i had to walk dana through the process it was tough it was you know you wouldn't think It's a noodle casserole. I made challah one time. You did make challah?
Yeah, I had to walk Dana through the process.
You wouldn't think you'd have to do that.
But I remember when I braided my challah and then you braided yours and mine was better.
And I don't know if that factored into
the Trivial Pursuit victory later that night by me.
Twice.
But I just, I don't know.
I'm going to whoop your ass. I hope you do, man. know i'm gonna whoop your ass i hope you do man
we're gonna have a hug contest i'm gonna fucking break a hollow over your head it's what's gonna
happen i might do that thing where i come to the airport with whoever comes to get you on friday
night just to do it roll with dude then we'll both get to the venue at 10 45 for our 11 o'clock show i'll be there holding it down up for a buzzed up
i'll buy that sure you need to be you need to wear one of those bird suits but full of red
bulls dude red bulls and little airplane shots for me oh yeah i'm still waiting for the whole
thing to wake up you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah big eyes i have no dates coming up uh
look out for more afv tour dates coming at some point, you know, in the next month or two.
And listen to all fantasy everything.
Watch the Late Late Show with James Corden, where I am.
I was chastised by my coworker for saying a Robin Gala.
Shout out to Robin Gala for saying a less funny Andy Richter.
But I'm going to say a more funny and extremely handsomer Andy Richter.
Just joking, Andy Richter. You're the goat. But I love doing it. andy richter but i'm gonna say a more funny and extremely handsomer andy richter just joking
andy richter you're the goat but i love doing it i'm coming for you richter i'm coming for you
richter i'm gonna get you i'm gonna take you and then i'm gonna throw you away i don't know what
he's gonna do and karma mania runs wild on him nothing good good. Probably nothing good.
Karma mania
sounds like some type of religious situation.
Yeah, dude. Karma mania?
The zealots achieved
karma mania before
sacking the temple.
God, Marissa, again, she's in Bolivia,
so she's not here. What else oh today's draft topic we're
not we gathered here not only to talk about how marissa is in bolivia but also to fantasy draft
superhero actors in non-superhero roles it was a topic that was on the patreon i don't think it
won the poll it got second and i just figured it it was a fun one, you know? Heck, we liked it.
Heck, we liked it.
Heck, we thought it was a fun topic.
So heck, we said, to heck with it.
To heck with it.
Because I was like, do I go with the superhero part that I liked, and then their other role?
Like, do I try to combine them, or do I just sneak somebody in who was in a superhero movie,
but also did a movie that I love, but I wasn't thrilled about their superhero performance.
So it's interesting to, to, for me making the list, I thought I tried to make it strong.
We'll see.
David, how was your process?
Oh, it's pretty easy.
I think this one is like, for once I always bitch about it, but it's awesome that there's
so many fucking superhero movies.
I know.
Everybody.
Yeah. It's like, really? I don't even think we'll have much crossover i don't think so i got a big list i got a real big team and we need some real big rings so let's get into it i guess
now the way we determine the order of uh this draft is with a rollicking game of rock paper
scissors and we're doing it in the old traditional one-on-one sean is throwing a middle finger
david's gonna punch Sean through the phone.
He's going to kiss him through the phone.
We throw and shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Ooh, rock, rock.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Double rock again.
Four rocks.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Oh, they both threw scissors.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Oh, they both threw scissors.
David threw a mega scissor.
I'm sorry.
I got confused.
David threw a mega scissor.
This is fucked up.
This is fucked up.
This is fucked up.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
I threw a fucking paper. I threw a paper. I got in. scissors, shoot. I threw a fucking paper.
I threw a paper.
I got in.
Nobody expected it.
I'm in.
That's my win then.
David wins.
That's my win.
David wins.
That is David's win.
I jumped in.
That is David's win.
Damn.
That was intense.
Do you hear that?
Tucson.
Oh, yeah.
You're in Tucson.
Arizona's going fucking nuts.
They're going nothing buts.
You can use that.
That's because they got some of Walter White's blue back on the streets in Tucson.
So they're real excited about it.
Oregon Ducks currently up 35 to 28 over the Ohio State Buckeyes.
Jesus Christ, really?
David, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors,
it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft.
But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft.
And what is that?
It's a great question.
It's like shading something in.
If you guys color, I don't know when the last time you colored was, but I colored recently with my nephews.
Colors.
And when I have to color in a big area with a colored pencil, I find it overwhelming to just think about coloring the whole thing in at once.
So I'll start up in the top left and I'll color in like maybe a half inch.
Like I'll just color the whole like left to right.
And then I'll go down about another half inch.
And then I'll just go over and like color in all the way right to left and then down and then back.
You guys do that?
Or is it just me?
I have not. i haven't colored recently
listen i've been on pod is saying this i draw like i can't read so i barely call it
i rarely seems like when there's a giant open space to color in you can't just take it and
go crazy and color the whole thing you have to have i need some sort of method when i'm doing
it so i just go left to right, down, right to left, down.
A little back and forth kind of action.
Basically what it means is if you pick third in the first round,
you pick first in the second round.
David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be?
Sean, David, Ian.
Sean, David, Ian.
I'm in the hot corner.
Hot corner, I should say.
That one peaked.
That was awesome. Sean, you have the first pick in the superhero
actors playing non-superhero roles all fantasy everything draft and we'll get to that pick
right after this short break yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only
podcast that is ever this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you
want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand
new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right?
You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously,
you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world
knows new languages. They know multiple languages and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel.
Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when
you got Babbel. It's science-backed language learning app and it's going to get you talking
fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors.
That's the old school way of learning a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're
quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts. And they're ready to get you talking
in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language.
You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to,
you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have
tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things
where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real
world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. You know, Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations.
Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go,
because that's the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right?
And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself,
don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word for word. Studies from Yale,
Michigan State University, shout out old ladies, alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babbel
works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college,
which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there so give it a try honestly get up in there and here's
a special limited time deal for our listeners right now you get up to 60 off your babble
subscription but only for our listeners at babble.com slash all fantasy again get up to 60
off at babble.com slash all fantasy spelled b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. Existed.
This is it.
Just this is it.
It's just it's just right here.
Just fight.
We all had a fight.
We all crowded into the salt palace and fucking fought.
We had an infinity war.
Sioux Falls,
South Dakota,
Corn Palace.
We all crowded in there.
It's actually, it's actually in
mitchell but mitchell south dakota we crowded in there we beat each other with guitars like
el cabang and all fantasy everything with the podcast that reigns supreme you know the corn
palace and this is it always bothers me much like mile high stadiums yeah they let little kids believe that the corn palace is built of out
of corn i thought the whole thing was built out of corn all it is is there's ears of corn on the
outside that they change like the designs of every now and again that's pretty impressive it is but
it like it nobody tells you it's not built out of corn you have to figure it out for yourself
and that takes a while and what is it about the mile high stadium that you find to be false It, nobody tells you it's not built out of corn. You have to figure it out for yourself.
And that takes a while.
And what is it about the mile high stadium that you find to be false advertising?
I thought it was built a mile high, like from bottom to top.
I thought, yeah, I thought it was a mile high.
That one's on you.
And again, when you're a child, no one stops you.
No one sits you down.
It's like, listen, it's because it's the elevation of Denver, not the stadium.
So I just, it's my beef with the corn palace. but small but firm beef with the corn palace more like the beef
palace the beef palace dude sean's building the beef palace beef beef There it is. Sean, you have the first pick.
What is that first pick?
You old bitch.
First pick.
Max is screaming right above me.
First pick.
I am going Val Kilmer.
He was Batman, and I'm picking his role in Top Gun.
Oh, it's Iceman?
Really?
Yeah.
Eastman.
Yeah. That's where I'm going. Okay.
That's my first pick. That's the Val Kilmer
role you're going to take?
That's the role I'm taking.
Not the one where he was on the... I know. Okay.
Yeah, I thought about it. Really?
Well, I went with
an earlier love
of mine, which was Top Gun.
Okay.
We can't double pick, right? nobody else can pick val kilmer anymore i don't know
sure you can sure you can sure you can well maybe i'll pick it again yeah you should you should do
a whole draft yeah you can go full kill i should i should change it i should change it no no no no
you can't change your first pick put the clay in the kiln fire that
pot you've had your whole life to make this pick i was wondering like this is where it got confusing
because he's he's a pretty good batman you know like i don't mind his role in batman but it's not
my favorite superhero role of somebody in a superhero i don't i don't know that we need to
like factor their efficacy is as uh their superhero and that's what i was wondering if we have to or not yeah okay then
it doesn't matter yes just val kilmer and top gun one could but i don't i don't know that we need to
yeah not he's probably one of the worst batmen yeah yeah i'll be connecting we don't want to
say the other ones no he's a bad batman though i would. He is a bad, bad man, though, I would say. He's a bad man.
Bad man.
He's a bad, bad man.
There's a documentary on Val Kilmer on Netflix.
He's on Prime.
It's, I don't know.
Dude had an interesting life.
Yeah, you could say it.
He's kind of wild.
He's super wild.
He is a weird guy.
All the way from Boofoo and Cher.
What?
Didn't I say that one time that he Boofooed Cher?
Val Kilmer?
I don't remember.
They dated, but I think I said he Boofooed Cher.
But they dated.
He might have Boofooed Cher.
Got around like a record, this Kilmer.
Does he talk about it on the documentary series?
There's less about it in the documentary.
There's more in the book.
Pass!
I want to hear all the Boofoo deets yeah where's the where's that documentary set that one i want to watch the boofoo deets what does he talk about
in the documentary series just like his his wild his wicked wicked ways it's just all the roles
all the roles and stuff yeah like how he got into everything it is really interesting though because it's got a bunch of like behind the scenes footage
of like top gun for example where they're all hanging out and it's just so wild to think that
tom cruise was there like with with all of them it's just it's weird you think of tom cruise is
like different actor wise like he would be separate or like he's never actually on set or something he just seems
so famous that he's in his hyperbaric chamber it's just you know what i mean like he just seems
like one of those people that you would never actually see even if you were doing a movie with
him that just oh he hangs out he just hangs tough on set dude yeah i was gonna say as someone who's
hung out with him a couple times that's so insane i've told this i've told this tale before but i'll say it again when we were shooting the first thing with him he wore a suede shirt oh yeah shirt and it was a
balmy day in london and he like sweat through it because we were on set on a boat for like five
hours and at some point he just had like the set people take the shirt off like air dried like like
blow dry the shirt and he was just standing there with a shirt off
while someone was holding up his suede shirt and he was just hanging on set talking chatting people
up no shirt tom cruise man suede shirt is a lifestyle that i've never known yeah i don't
it'd be so heavy wouldn't it would it be heavy it would be so wet there's a reason they don't
make a ton of suede shirts it feels like yeah they made tom
cruise one yeah they did then they stopped yeah man val kilmer batman top gun val kilmer i heard
the thing about that document i heard val kilmer was kind of a legendary prick and then they didn't
get into it at all during that documentary really yeah he seems real cool to me but isn't it all his footage yeah it's all his yeah yeah
yeah and i can't trust that
yeah i don't know i've never i've never heard that that's that's a bummer like he was a he's
there's lines of being a prick like is he mean to just random people or is he assertive and people
might think of it as
him being a prick i don't know i could see that guy and i don't i have no backing for this other
than a feeling in my heart i could for some reason see that guy being a huge prick yeah i don't know
what it is just something about him seems like he i could just see him being like a really rude
guy he's so good at playing pricks yeah he's really good at playing pricks for sure
he can by the way he can be a prick like what are we gonna toss out the val kilmer performances
so be it he was rude he was rude to people still gonna watch top gun i've heard the same thing
about john cusack and he's i love john cusack and i've heard that he's kind of a dickhead which is
such a bummer to hear but yeah yeah, not going to toss out the,
I'll be,
I'll beat the shit out of John Cusack.
I want to go on the record right now and say that.
Oh yeah.
You could,
you got him.
I think,
I think any one of us could beat up John Cusack.
I think so.
I think I can handle Cusack.
I think he's tall.
I think he's taller than you think,
but yeah,
I think I got Cusack.
It doesn't matter.
Big tree fall hard.
Exactly.
Now Joan,
Joan would kick the shit out of all three of us.
I wouldn't like,
I would never with Joan Cusack.
I can't even, I don't even want to put my brain in this space
If Joan Cusack was between me and the door
I'd make peace with God
Alright
It's my time
It's my time
God put Joan there
Valerie Kilmer
Valerie Kilmer
David Boyd, time for your first pick
I gotta take mr
iron man himself robert downey jr rdj yeah i'm taking him in the least superhero role i could
imagine him in less than zero i don't know what that movie is i don't think i've seen less than
zero you guys have never seen less than zero no that's frustrating where he's like a drug addict addicted gay prostitute what no it's like it's it was based
on a book it's like this kid comes back from college and his high school friends are all
fucked up but they're like rich kids and robert downey jr like had a record company and then it
fell apart and then he's like addicted to drugs and he owes this guy money so he has to
go to this party in palm springs and like service all these dudes it's it's it's it is it is not
infinity wars i'll tell you that you guys have never seen less than zero no i'm gonna watch it
though it's got jamie i just looked it's got jamie gertz in it of lost boys fame so i'm in
wow i thought it was a maybe it's not a popular movie
i've heard of it before i've never heard of less than zero i just never watched it it looks awesome
yeah it was also a book the premise sounds familiar when you when you described it it
sounds like something i might have heard of but the title isn't ringing any bells i'll watch it
i yeah it sounds great it's by brett neistonellis the book yeah i won't read the book i got a firm
stance on that i don't sean's girl jamie gertz in it and then have my girl jamie gertz star from
the lost boys oh also james spader is in it dude spader spader back out spader and i got beef from
a long time ago i haven't really told you you. You don't like Spaderade? I haven't told you guys about my Spader days,
but yeah.
My Spader days.
Spader days, bro.
I've seen Spader days.
Wrong color.
That's all I'm saying.
You know,
you can't just be wearing that.
Spader man.
He listens too.
He listens.
I know he does.
James Spader's a huge,
he was one of our first listeners.
Yeah.
He always hits me up.
He's trying,
he always tries to stoke the fire
and I'm like,
Spader,
I'm not going to do it, man. I'm not going back to that life with you so but no i do not like james spader
do you really not like james spader i can't even think of i can't think of who he is right now i
don't know who he is he's james spader dude come on look up james spader that's who he is james spader is james
spader i can't describe james spader other than to say he's the most james spader looking
motherfucker yeah in the world when you see his face you're like oh that's a spader oh yeah dude
yeah he you know without diving without saying any other pics now that i looked up james spader i don't
think he's in a superhero movie is he spader man spader he is he's in spader man he is he's in
spader man spader man does whatever james spader can can he act can. Creep you out every day.
Come on!
He's James Spader.
That echoed.
That was good.
Yeah, no, Spader.
I know who James Spader is for sure.
I do like James Spader.
And how do you feel about him?
You do like him.
Yeah, I like James Spader.
Okay.
He likes James Spader.
Who were you thinking of then?
I wasn't thinking of anyone.
I was just talking shit, man.
Getting warmed up for the day.
Was that an improv comedy exercise?
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
I was improvising.
The thing about some of these characters, like these actors who've been like stuck in the marvel
universe stuck or whatever you know lucratively stuck but like seriously they don't have as many
other movies as you might think no and downy the thing with downy like he was a real serious he did
a lot of serious shit uh drugs specifically yeah yeah i was looking through him
as movies it's like holy buckets he's yeah do you ever get the feeling that he's just doing
that character from kiss kiss bang bang over and over again though oh yeah yeah for sure so good
that's why i think that's why probably why they brought shane black in to work on the iron man
movies because it's like this dude is the ro Robert Downey Jr. whisperer. Right, right, right.
Who's
Robert Downey Sr.?
I bet you there wasn't one.
Whoa.
I came out a junior.
Can you do that? Can you just name your
like, can you just be a junior
with no senior? I think you can.
You can do whatever you want.
Man, that'd be funny.
His father, Robert Downey Sr., was also an actor and filmmaker.
Really?
He's got his own Wikipedia, and it's pretty big.
Really?
Yeah.
Notable works?
I don't have a Wikipedia.
I don't care.
You've got to walk it like you talk it, or you'll lose that beat.
Is there sex after death?
Oh, those hits.
Matlock? Isn't that a M? Oh, those hits. Matlock.
Isn't that Amigo's song?
He was on Matlock.
Isn't Walk It Like I Talk It Amigo's song?
He was in Tower Heist?
Walk It Like I Talk It.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
His dad was in Boogie Nights.
What?
Yeah.
Who?
Was he flashing hog?
There's only one hog in Boogie Nights.
He played somebody named Bert.
He played someone named Bert. I bet there's a lot of berts on set at boogie nights fictional and real this is something called cold turkey yeah he was out here doing uh
all right all right rds there was one hog and boogie nights and i'm pretty sure it was fake
if marky mark's hog is that smoke and then i don't know what to do i think that's on record
as a fake hog yeah i heard it's not real it's so
buck you want to know what's weird that's the one thing i don't remember about that movie
his hog yeah the movie is damn near three hours long and it's like the last 30 seconds or whatever
right i mean you you really have to watch the whole movie which i don't think we did i don't
because i don't remember seeing that hog we we had like a
watching party one night just to see the hog and that was like you don't remember getting to the
hog i do but that was after i'd seen boogie nights a handful of times and then somebody brought it up
and i was like i don't remember that part so we had like a watch party to get to the hog and then
you get to the hog and you're like holy buckets yeah that's a smoking hog it's huge dude it's soft too right yeah it's a big soft hog i'm kind of a big soft hog
it's one of those that is technically soft but it still looks like it would go in
you know he's a grower yeah yeah yeah it's big it's just big just one of those
where you're like that just looks like it would still work even if it's like that is a shower
well good for you mark walbert yeah if it's fake do you think he had to like put his wiener in a
fake wiener that's a great question like i've never thought about a fake wiener condom yeah
like an extender like a wiener extender.
He's got an extendo, as the kids say.
It's like putting on a Minions Halloween costume.
Yeah.
Like one of those tall Pharrell hats.
Yeah.
But they have to get the skin tone right,
so somebody had to mesh the-
Well, to do that, they'd have to get the girth,
the measurements of your hog,
and then pop it right on.
What would it sound like?
Thump.
That's what happens when Marissa's not here
to make a touchdown noise.
I would have done that if Marissa was here.
You know you can go to me for the sound effect.
I've never thought about that. They had to do something even something had to happen that was
right where his dick would be so something had to happen that's pretty funny to think about again
marissa is in bolivia um again case you forgot time for my first and second picks my first pick i'm getting my i'm
getting my top two here and i'm feeling good about it i'm feeling really good about it my first pick
we're gonna take a little we're gonna take a little flight from gotham okay to new york city
okay uh from the cat woman wears leather to the devil Wears Prada. Oh, you're going to Anne.
I'm going to Andy.
I'm taking Anne Hathaway as Andy in The Devil Wears Prada.
Anne Hathaway played Catwoman in Christopher Nolan's Batman.
A good Catwoman, too.
I liked her.
I thought so.
I thought she was good.
I fucking love Anne Hathaway.
I do, too.
She gets a lot of unnecessary.
I don't know why people hate on her because they think she's a badaway. I do too. She gets a lot of unnecessary.
I don't know why people hate on her because they think she's a bad actor.
She's not.
That's not why they hate on her, I don't think.
What's the hate?
Where does it come from?
I think they hate on her because she's like earnest.
People hate earnestness.
Anne Hathaway is not cool.
You know what I mean? She's not like, because she cares and caring isn't cool.
Well, yeah, but to me, it's cool.
I love that.
That's rad.
For sure.
But you're not part of like, you're not part of the Gawker net.
You're not like one of those people on Twitter who like, you know what I mean?
Yes, I am.
That's true.
That is true.
You do.
Oh, Gawker, like the website.
Yeah.
The website.
I was like, Ian, Jesus christ what what wait what what what did
you think i meant like oh like blowjob stuff it's like dude never heard that marissa's gone
for one hour no you called it you called it you called it the gawker net people don't think she's
a bad actor i feel better about that i don't think. People don't think she's a bad actor. I feel better about that.
I don't think so. I don't think anyone really thinks
Anne Hathaway's a bad actor. Because I've never seen anything
that she was in and it got
bummed because it was bad. I like Anne Hathaway.
I always have. I think everyone agrees she's
a good to great actor. I think she's
a great actor. But I think they
hate her because she's like...
She's a theater kid. They hate her because
they ain't a.
Yeah, it is kind of what they hate.
People hate effort.
People hate.
Cheerfulness and all that shit.
They just do, you know, they like it.
I don't know why.
I can't really I can't really break down.
But I think that's why people hate her because she went when she won her Oscar.
She was like she had like kind of a rehearsed like i've been dreaming about this since i was a
little girl kind of thing and i don't it's just people people suck people fucking suck what she
won an oscar for pieces of april is that pieces of april movie what's pieces of april and anna
hathaway joint i never saw it but i know it's a very serious movie i didn't know she won an oscar
um i think she won it for was it brokeback mountain maybe ah she wasn't brokeback mountain that was true true story
true story i forgot anyway i like yeah good that makes me that makes me happy that people
are hating on her for something that's stupid and not her skills trying to figure out
i hear noise coming from the football game and not her skills. Trying to figure out.
I hear noise coming from the football game.
I'm terrified.
Because it's in Ohio State.
I watched Any Given Sunday last night.
I'll tell you what.
Hell yeah.
That's it.
That's all I'm going to tell you.
Did it hold up?
She was nominated for Rachel Getting Married. Rachel Getting Married. That's what i was thinking of not pieces of april sorry yeah it held up al pacino is definitely al pacino in that movie though he's like you don't believe
i just don't believe he's a football coach same same like al pacino he's like you gotta you gotta spy the robber backer
on that defensive play and you're like i don't know if you want for les miserables of course
there's back to more important things al pacino there's one part of this specifically
he's he's given a hype speech or whatever and he goes defense i don't know what you're doing
you got to do something it's no fucking way of football if my football coach said that to me
do something i'd be like well can you be a little more a little more detail on what you're doing. You got to do something. There's no fucking way of football. If my football coach said that to me, do something,
I'd be like,
well,
can you be a little more,
a little more detail on what you want to do?
He's handing off to his OC,
you know?
It's just,
it's just,
I don't know.
And then there's that part where he's talking to,
um,
Jamie Foxx about growing up in the hood.
And I was like,
God,
you sound like a run down to the Buick.
Like when you were in the hood.
Such an asshole.
Where are you from?
Compton?
He's like dallas dallas
the compton of texas the compton of texas i do like one part in there though he goes he goes
you're gonna make a mistake make it big i'm not gonna eat your lunch for that that's a fun
he i mean the game of inches i'm just going to where the tv is for the next two minutes
i see that.
You look like you're in that MTV show Fear with that chest cam.
You remember that show?
No.
I fucking, I live the MTV show Fear.
You remember that show, David?
They strapped on like a big, I don't know, before they had like the, whatever they're
called, the gyro ones now that like steady cam.
It looked like this.
Like, Marissa isn't recording this, so people won't be able to see it but like picture the mtv show fear
oh that looks i get that you know they're like it like it'd be real close on them it'd be dark
and they'd be running out of it it's and it had that godsmack song for the theme song. I'm not the one who's so far away
When I feel the snake bite into my veins
Never do I want to be here again
And I don't remember why I came
Yeah.
Yep, Godsmack when i was a freshman in high school we had to make like a almost like a family shield for us
but just for ourselves about like the shit we were into and all that stuff is like that they
would hang up in the class as an introduction, like an introductory thing. And I don't remember what else was on it,
but I do remember the words Godsmack were on it.
Godsmack, Rage Against the Machine.
I was really into that shit,
specifically between eighth grade and tenth grade.
I feel like that's the time for it.
35, Ohio State 28.
Two minutes and 45 seconds left in the game.
Tenths, three minutes coming at you.
Yeah, Anne Hathaway, The Devil Wears Prada.
I feel like I've talked about it on here before.
You love The Devil Wears Prada.
It's one of my favorite movies.
It's fucking amazing.
She's fantastic in it.
Everyone's great.
Emily Blunt's fantastic.
Tucci Man is great.
Tucci Man's great.
Meryl Streep in a role she should have won an Oscar for.
That's one of her best roles.
She's Anna Wintour, right? Yeah, that's one of her best roles she's anna went to her right
yeah she's anna went to her yeah that's all it's just a fucking great movie i love it and
anne hathaway i agree adrian grenier makes a sandwich in it you know that's about he
vinnie chase is in a new netflix show oh boy i know nampe hit me to it the other night and i
was like well yeah yes he did That's exactly what he did.
He hits me up.
That's,
I think that's exactly what it said.
Vinny Chase is in a new Netflix show.
That's exactly what Nick Nampay did.
Anyway,
I'll be watching it.
Rest assured.
Um,
time for my second pick.
Yeah.
Yeah. No. time for my second pick yeah now not sure about this you guys tell me i think it counts as a superhero
you are you really do you know what i'm about to say i have an idea is nick fury a superhero
yes in the yeah is this he but he doesn't have superpowers no but he's in the but
neither do some other superheroes but he's in the universe i mean just batman does not have
superpowers so just to you know that's a good point yeah he's just he's just right he's in that
same world he's yeah i definitely count yeah i think it's a super agent okay then i'm taking
jules winfield from pulp fiction yeah that's a tough one to pick because like man he every Tarantino movie he's
in is just dope he's got tons of dope movies on his own but like yeah some of those Tarantino
roles are so I forget his name and Jackie Brown but his character is so fun and Jackie Brown on
the board but like oh yeah he's amazing in that movie but I think he's even I mean his ponytails
amazing in that movie but I think he's even more amazing it's he's so fun i mean jules winfield is such a fucking iconic
character the coolest that it's that it's almost like how do you even talk about it anymore but
he's so fucking cool the suit if he's got like the jerry they're like the is it jerry curled right
his hair absolutely afro is thatro. Is that Jerry curl?
Yeah.
If I'm picturing it,
right?
Yeah,
definitely.
The fucking,
as I walked through the valley of the shadow of death,
I shall fear no evil.
Like that whole speech with the guy from ad TV.
That guy was in mad TV.
Yeah.
Remember Orlando Jones?
Yeah.
Is that his name?
Orlando Jones.
He's in that scene.
That's him?
He's just one of the kids.
Yeah, dude.
No, the 7-Up commercial guy.
Yes.
Yeah.
That's him?
Watch Pulp Fiction again.
He's one of the kids.
Seriously.
He's sitting on the couch.
I'm on recliner.
I never knew that.
Yeah, dude.
There's a kid in our high school who lied.
I was just telling Laura this last night.
A kid who lied about his name being orlando all through high school and then he was a cell phone
salesman later and his name's clifford and i was like how do you get everybody teachers everybody
called this dude orlando and i was like i don't know how you pulled that off man but good job
orlando is a wild name to make wild i'm gonna make up a name in florida i'm gonna be miami or cassini yeah dude you should be
fucking boca raton dude mouth yeah i'd be i'd be i'd be calling myself cassimi jimmy cassimi jimmy
dude the tallahassee lassie exactly orlando was a weird pick it's like saying call me pensacola
call me tampa bat people believe orlando because it's so fucking weird
it's like no one would lie about being named orlando i had a class with the kid and teachers
i heard teachers call him orlando so either he got everyone to believe that was his name or he
talked the teachers into calling him by his nickname orlando i just don't know it wasn't
a middle name situation no i'm not sure but um that'd be pretty buck i don't know his last name
but clifford orlando we
have a lot of listeners on this podcast you maybe want to do some research before you come out here
with this shit like it's way less fun if you do research afv does not condone these views i mean
just please like we're not legally liable for it no clifford clifford if you're out there and you
have a lawsuit pending that's pending with sean jordan i'd love to see what this lawsuit entails defamation of character oh no i'm not talking shit it's dope i'm saying it should be it should
be uh stokeness of character too late class action lawsuit by everybody who's middle name
is orlando oh crap you have to declare bankruptcy if i was orlando i would go by lando right you gotta go by lando
lando calrissian is that lando's full name is he orlando calrissian no
man i bet he is that's a whole different guy. Orlando Calrissian has a jerry curl.
That's what he should have been called in that fucking solo movie.
It's before he goes by Lando and starts Cloud City, dude.
He's just fucking bopping around the universe.
Orlando.
Orlando Calrissian.
It's fourth and one.
30 seconds left on the clock.
The Ducks are punting it.
Ohio State's got no timeouts in 30 seconds to win this thing.
We could just pause and have Marissa cut all this.
No, no, no, no, no.
This stays in.
Is it weird that I'm going to maybe turn on my hotel TV?
Yeah, this stays in.
We are bad at podcasting.
Is it weird that I'm just going to sit and look at some shoes?
Don't.
No, we're still doing the podcast.
I'm still here.
I'm still here, baby.
Is it my turn?
I got it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wait, is it David's turn?
It is my turn.
Oh, all right.
I am taking, okay, I have another question about is this a superhero movie?
Okay.
The Super Mario Brothers movie.
No.
What?
That's a video game movie.
They were superheroes in that video game.
Were they superheroes?
Yeah.
Do they have superpowers?
They could jump real high.
He can shoot fire.
Okay, what about Spawn?
Yes.
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But does, now, okay, does it have to be Spawn?
Yeah. Well, it's got to be somebody who is a superhero like it can't be the bad guy teller yeah yeah yeah yeah okay so i'm thinking
it couldn't be commissioner gordon right so i'm taking john leguizamo and spawn as the clown
i remember that was almost so bad i knew that's where you were going and then i'm gonna take the
non-super role movie is uh fucking to wong fu for everything thanks for doing yes or to julie new
i don't know it's a long time thanks for everything julie newmar julie newmar yes where he plays a
young puerto rican diva gosh we watched that did the three of us watch that after recording an
episode at the fortress one day i feel like i don't i can't pin down the day that we watched that did the three of us watch that after recording an episode at the fortress one day i feel like i don't i can't pin down the day that we watched it but i know that we all
i bet that's a movie that's in my top 15 of seen at the most times for some reason
yeah yeah because it's great is there is this is the reason and it's like it's good every time you
watch it you're like i forgot how funny wesley snipes is
he's hilarious in that movie i don't know by the way if it's problematic now or whatever
we're sorry to whoever's offended but i fucking i don't i don't know i have no idea i have no
fucking clue well it's it's tough it's like they play drag queens if you if you're saying that you
love it it's not you're not saying it from a bad place you know you're just saying that you enjoyed the role and if it if it is considered problematic then
obviously i liked it because it was a funny movie i did too i liked it because it was funny and
because it like for at the time it was i mean it's crazy that three well two huge movie stars
and john leguizamo who's not a movie star but he's really good at it i don't i'm not trying to
tucson ain't that far from l.a i'm not i listen i love i fucking love john leguizamo i love john
leguizamo i don't know that he's a movie star that's fair that's yeah he doesn't have the hits
he doesn't have the hits yeah i fucking love him but like patrick swayze and wesley snipes are
fucking movie stars and especially then you know yeah that was patrick swayze and wesley snipes are fucking movie stars
and especially then you know yeah that was like big swayze and they're in a movie about cross
dressers that's um that's amazing yeah the movie was great noxio jones right that was wesley
snipes's character yeah i love that i love that movie man that's a great movie
well hell yeah i'm glad i got that pick i was worried about yeah i tried i tried to get
him in on super mario brothers but i understand like was almost spawn it was crazy too man oh
it was really gross when he was like you ever ridden the clowns big fat pony oh i haven't
seen spawn in a long time i i mean i've said it a million times on this podcast, but Spawn came out when we had a legal cable.
So I've probably seen Spawn 30 times.
Oh, really?
Because we had a legal cable, so we had a legal, what do you call it?
Pay-per-view.
So it would just come on.
I would just watch.
It was the era of Spawn and Belly were both on pay-per-view at the same time.
And it really shaped a lot of my life going forward. swear i you know i've never thought about it but i bet
you that's why i watch as you put it my movies because they were on those were the movies that
were on all the time and then going into like cable like those were just the movies that were
on all the time exactly that i would just see yeah i never thought about that i mean yeah for
sure it's like a lot of movies that you really like are like comfort zone type shit right
keep talking i gotta pee all right he didn't even have to say it
i did he tapped the mic no one's gonna see it uh yeah no i i think that's like
some of the like any given sunday for example
is one of my movies and it's because it was always on vh1 but it would always be edited but it's like
a sunday whatever you're just sitting at the crib and you're like i like the movie i know what
they're saying when they edit it so i can piece that together like you know it's still like i'm
watching it i like the last song on any given sunday that's maybe my favorite part of that movie i like the whole movie a lot on any given sunday it's just a good movie
man like fully yeah i mean is it well see then you get into like it's a movie that you like i like it too but i don't i don't is it
a good movie well that's like you know is uh uh fucking the humpty dance a good song maybe this
is a bad example but like yes it is a good song a wild but it's like that song's amazing people
wouldn't look at that song and think it's a good song it's a great song because i like it same
thing a movie like any given sunday yeah it's great to me because i like it. Same thing a movie like Any Given Sunday. Yeah, it's great to me. He once got
busy in a Burger King bathroom.
The first time I ever
smoked weed, we, and maybe
I've told you this, but we were looking.
My buddy and I had a little dime bag
and we were like, where's a safe
place to smoke this?
We walked all over outside. We went to
numerous parks and then we went into
the Burger King bathroom and decided to smoke it in the bathroom.
And that's where we thought the safest place to do it would be.
Inside a Burger King bathroom.
I remember a friend of mine smoked weed in a McDonald's bathroom once.
Same kind of thing.
It's like the stupidest place you could possibly do it.
Eddie's perfect, by the way.
I was in the middle of a weed story, but I love seeing Eddie.
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.
That's what we were talking about.
We were talking about the humpty dance i think kids have this thing where like something about a public restroom as a kid seems like a place where like nobody's gonna come get
you which is the opposite i know in truth but like you know what i understand you feeling safe
in a public restroom enough the thing the thing that's wild to me is we
i look back we were in sioux falls nobody there we walked through two different huge parks where
we could have just sat at a picking table and smoked weed nobody was gonna look and be like
well get a SWAT team over there those two kids are smoking weed but we went inside the burger
king that was you could see it from my house It was like half a block from my house.
I was in there every day.
It was like, that's the stupidest thing to do.
But now, it's also like nobody at the Burger King is going to care if you're smoking weed in the bathroom.
Maybe in Sioux Falls, they would.
But in general, if I worked at a Burger King, I'm not going to eat someone's lunch, as it were, for smoking weed in the bathroom.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. Anyway. eat someone's lunch as it were for smoking weed in the bathroom you know what i mean yeah anyway sorry to fly off the handle like that yeah you're going nuts i get real passionate
about the whole thing oh go ducks dude winner winner chicken dinner oregon ducks 35 the ohio
state university but guys 28 28 final score. Final score.
Final fucking score.
Ohio.
Shout out to Columbus, though. The site of one of our, if not our most fun live show.
Oh, yeah.
Shout out.
I can't wait to get back.
We should do Columbus soon.
We will for sure.
We could just repeat what we did.
I wouldn't care.
I'd be like, tight.
And then throw Sioux Falls in there. Would you guys be willing to go to sioux falls we can't
quite repeat it well no we can't would you i don't need to do everything we did
we can go to the same cities uh would you guys be willing to go to sioux falls yeah man i was in south dakota like a
month ago i know you were that's insane to me we're not gonna make money if we go to sioux falls
we're gonna i bet we will why not yeah well okay just be willing to go on me if we go but yeah
yeah yeah yeah i gotta dig up my butterfly knife out of the closet but i'm bringing i i'm bringing
ivan i'm bringing ivan and he's gonna keep the Roscoe on him. But yeah,
when,
when we land,
they just give you a butterfly knife.
Here you go.
And here's a,
they give you a shooter of Jagermeister and they're like,
put it in the microwave before you drink it. But I love John Leguizamo.
Yeah,
I do too.
He's never quite,
he's never like,
I'm never mad when he shows up in something ever.
No, but it's never quite the thing you want it to be it never is you know whose careers i wish could merge for one super career can i guess him and michael pena oh sorry oh that's a good one
who are you gonna say staying like i was gonna say luis guzman oh yeah man that guy his face
makes me happy in the weirdest way we've talked about
it on here before years ago but i fucking love luis guzman dude why did we talk about you picked
him for something how'd he come up for my posse like or like my entourage or whatever it was in
your crew i think so that's right god that's tight yeah that guy makes me smile just like like if i saw him in real life i think i'd be
overjoyed i fucking love him i don't want to merge their career i want both of them to just
be in way more shit i fucking yeah love luis guzman yeah he's fantastic put him in a superhero
movie let him fucking play the new fucking iron man i don't give a fuck. Yeah, they got another superhero laying around there.
Yeah, come on.
Give it to Guzman.
They'll figure one out for him.
He'll be a superhero before he's done.
Give it to the Guz.
Sean Jordan, time for your second and third pick, dude.
Give it to the Guz.
The new official All-Family Everything motto.
I'll give it to the Guz.
This is tricky.
There's a lot that I want
I don't think you guys are going to take any of them
so it's just kind of what order I want to go in
I might
I don't think so dude
I saw your list
so if we're not going
if the strength of their superhero role
doesn't matter all that much
I'm going to go here, I'm going to go Edward Norton
who played the Hulk and then I'm taking his role in fight club absolutely yeah okay okay it was like you remember that string
of hulks i won't name anymore but there's been four of them five if you count the tv show i think
and it's like none of them were good up until the most recent one so he had an unfortunate role as
the hulk plus he's a real little dude but Was his Hulk the bad one? That was the bad one?
There were two bad ones.
Yeah, there were two bad ones.
Who was the other one? It was that Australian actor
who was in Funny People.
Eric Bana.
Yeah, that was a bad Hulk.
And then Eddie Nort didn't have
a great Hulk either. And I'm pretty sure there was
another Hulk movie. It might have been
earlier, but somebody... There was an old Hulk too. Yeah too yeah lou ferigno but that was a tv show i know i mean i think there's
an older movie too yeah okay then whoever that was but yeah edward thornton had one of the
unfortunate hulks which there's quite a few on these on this list but like it'd be a real bummer
if somebody offered you up a superhero role and then it was just panned by the critics you know it'd be tough because like
that'd be so fun to see yourself on a big screen playing the incredible hulk and then just have
everybody be like that sucked i don't know it'd be a bummer do you ever think though because like
i've been not like acted in but been involved in things where i'm like oh this is gonna suck do you think there's
like some level of that where he's like maybe he knew when they were shooting that like oh maybe
this right i suppose and then you just get money and like he knows he's been in enough shit where
it's like people i wonder if he just sat in his hotel room like all right people are gonna say
that i shouldn't be a superhero,
but I've done enough stuff to where they're going to tell me
it's fine for me to keep being in plenty of other stuff.
I forget which actor this was,
but I was listening to a WTF or something like that,
and they said that their definition of professionalism as an actor
is when you're in something and you know it sucks,
and you try to do your best anyway.
Right. I think actors do know i think actors do know like a couple like a week or a few days into a
shoot where they're like oh no this sucks well it's work it's like yeah you're gonna take a
paycheck sometimes you can't you're just going i mean you don't know you read the script you
showed up you didn't know how it was gonna go you don't you know what i mean but i mean not everyone's gonna thrive off
their passion for furthering uh the good of humanity with their acting some people are just
like yeah is that what some people are doing no you know what i mean though with like daniel day
lewis somebody who's not gonna who's not gonna do something that he thinks even might be kind
of whack but then there's like sam jackson well dicaprio only makes a movie every couple years
and does things that like he doesn't think are gonna be whack and even he puts out a stinker
every now and then it's just that's how it's gonna go man right like i don't think there's much uh
i don't think you can do much about that like you how many bad jokes have you written you know i
mean no one yeah it's
crazy it's crazy they've all fucking they're all straight heaters man couldn't be me i got 10 bad
minutes right now tucson that's gonna be great i got i'm pretty happy with my festival length set
i'm thrilled that we're doing fest because i'm like oh yeah what's that like 10 yeah i'll go
knock out a 12 minute set with like all brand new stuff it's cool yeah i can do that's that's yeah he did that as me trying to get the
microphone out of the stand because i've been over served it's gonna be great man it's easy
go right into my closer we're co-hosting that bitch is gonna go long oh yeah we're all doing
sets too right yeah i don't know this is maybe not podcast talk but i do not know yeah true i
don't need to try to get a set yeah yeah yeah i mean you can just walk in somebody will give you a set yeah oh true
so yeah what did i just pick ed norton jr and fight club ed norton jr i haven't seen fight
club since the day i don't have a lot to say about fight club other than david fincher rules
yeah it's good man it's one of those that i don't watch a lot i'll watch it every couple years maybe and every time i do i'm just like man this movie
really is good it's not a casual watcher for me no it's not something that i just want to have on
because it puts you in a mood so it's like if i'm gonna watch fight club it's different than say like
friday night lights or juice or something where i'm just like i can have it on and it doesn't
put me any weird kind of way all that guy's stuff puts me in a weird mood dude palnick palinic oh chuck palinick yeah yeah like
i read that i read that book about like the little the the tiny the tiny uh soviet commando
and then like lullaby or choke was him joke right weird yeah yeah all those all his shit makes me
feel weirdly dirty he's a weirdly dirty dude he's a pretty uh portlander yeah really portland
oregonian yeah but yeah his books are guts is especially fucking gnarly you know where chuck
polonek went to college portland state university of south dakota university of oregon go ducks go yotes
uh i'm going number three we're ready yeah uma thurman was poison ivy and i'm picking her role
in kill bill oh there you go the bride there you go that her in kill bill is so icy and it just reminded me that was one of the
soundtracks i bought when i was buying soundtracks just because like i got a couple of the songs
it's so funny just thinking it's a did it yeah he did yeah and this is something that kids aren't
ever gonna know is the buying soundtrack thing like kids right now they're never they're never
gonna be like oh i heard a couple songs on kill bill so i'm gonna go buy this soundtrack and roll the dice
a lot of said the office space soundtrack was iconic i had the oz soundtrack bad boys 2 was a
big boys too it was so good that was that whole summer tail feather i heard the bad boys coming
yeah dude there's this whole okay this the office space soundtrack there's a song um i heard the bad boys coming yeah dude there's this whole okay this the office
space soundtrack there's a song um i forget the ice cube song where he's like damn i'm such a g
it's pathetic oh yeah here comes the big headed so so our friend jesse back in the day he he asked
who sang that and i was wrong i forget who i said said it was, but I was wrong. I remember this.
And I told him with such confidence because I thought I was right.
And Adam even got my back because Jesse was like, no, I think it's Ice Cube.
And I go, it ain't Ice Cube.
And we clowned on him.
And Adam's like, Sean's like a big hip hop fan.
So I'll get his back.
Jesse called me at like four in the morning.
This is before the internet.
So I don't know how he figured it out.
But he called me at four in the morning and he's like, it's Ice Cube, dude.
And I was like, all right, man man and i just hung up on him but i it's not the best story but i remember that story so vividly just because i was so wrong and so confident and then he busted me at four in
the morning and i was so mad at him and adam got my back blindly because he knew i was a hip-hop
fan and anyway it had damn it feels good to be a gangster on it man nobody like yeah that soundtrack exposed so many people to scarface who wouldn't normally have
heard scarface that's what i respect about mike judges he's from texas like that yeah
is that uh that um die motherfucker song is that just scarface or is that ghetto boys too
they want to ban us on capitol hill scarface damn it feels good to be a gangster yeah i got this killer up inside of me that's ghetto boys
isn't it i mean i thought i'm not sure what's solo and what's what's solo and what's not do
they have voices verses on that i thought that was just uh i think i think so but yeah anyway
i just anyway yeah that uma thurman as the bride ice water the whole everything she does in
those movies is so dank plus i get her with two movies so i'm i'm stoked on that going back to
the bad boys two soundtrack for just one second flip side it takes longer than a second man take
longer than one second let me go to the bathroom i forgot pd crack yeah got Petey Crack. Yeah. Who said I don't care? She said she blow la la. It's so good.
Is she my baby?
I liked the video too. Yeah.
Yeah, that was a good
man. Shout out to Petey Crack.
He had the big beard and no mustache, right?
Freeway? Yeah, he had a huge
He was like, it was like
they just like cloned
Beanie Siegel, but like a little
different. A little different.
Freeway got the hood on Smash.
That album was great, though.
His voice is like.
Kind of braiding, but in a good way.
It's true.
It's like a sharp cheddar cheese.
Freeway, move out till I sit with the Lord.
It's always like, why are you yelling you talk like that like i was like what did freeway sound
like on like christmas morning when he was like nine years old running to the tree
oh man that was such a good it had uh that it had like a jay-z song on it too i fucking love
that soundtrack i just remember shake your tail tail feather because that was the hit right that
was the one with the video yeah that was the huge one that was that weird yeah can't stop now
god nelly's so rich shake your tail feathers yeah nelly's so rich puff daddy's so rich. Shake your tail feathers. Yeah. Nelly's so rich.
Puffdaddy's so rich.
How rich?
Puffdaddy must be so fucking rich.
Yeah.
I mean, it's, yeah, I think it's like, it's generational.
Yeah, for sure.
Those kids and kids are going to be rich.
Remember when Puffdaddy almost beat up that UCLA, like, gym coordinator with a weight because he was mean to his son or something
like that oh usc right usc something like that yeah when you listen to puffed at like there's a
lot of stories about him going nuts starting fights that he couldn't really win like i was watching it
i was watching an interview with the locks and they were like yeah man we we were in the we were
in the club and puffy just like hit some guy
with a bottle and yelled, I got the locks with me.
There is on the Rick Ross album.
There's a and I don't know if it's fake or not, but there's this sound clip of Puffy
screaming at a rapper who's like he's telling him like you need to embrace your destiny
and he's just screaming at this guy. and i want it to be real so bad if anybody out there knows
what i'm talking about tell me if it's real or not do you guys know what i'm talking about no
only because you've brought it up before i can't say any of it because it's it's riddled with
things that i can't say so i can't really describe what it is but he's just screaming at this guy
oh is he pro-vaccinate you know i don't i don't get political on here so i choose not to say
by the way thanks for all the dms i got a bunch of dms from people being like
hey i'm vaccinated and i bet you can read
what a crazy world
it is funny oh for two i also got a couple people being like i bet you don't answer every one of
these and i'm like i got a kid don't make me answer i answered him and i was like don't make
me do that just just because you think i'm lying you know my time got something to say say it of
course i'll answer but don't just be like you ain't you don't answer these i got a few of those
and i answer i was like yes i do you feel good you want someone to not answer your DMs, hit me up.
Yeah, same.
And now you can text those people for some reason.
If you want someone to dog you out, just hit me up.
I answer every once in a great while, but I'm not.
I'll answer when I can, especially positivity.
It's just like I don't see it.
Yeah, yeah. Or stuff where I could be like yeah but i'm not gonna give you advice on how to start stand-up comedy probably yeah also all like my i i really love and appreciate the people
come to me for portland advice and stuff now but i have i i'm not as in touch as i used to be with
with the city of roses i love it more than anything hit Sean up hit Nick Nan pay
up yeah I just don't do like when people ask me about that I'm like do you want to do what I would
do or do you want to do what I think you want to do drink warm jamo under a bridge yeah you want
mini corn dogs at the standard at 2 a.m that's what I'm saying like go skate the Beaverton Park
and then go over to big torque daddy's house sit on his porch for a while ride your bike to the standard and then come home hug a drunk adam posse
i love adam posse man he's uh the bride dude uma beatrix kiddo beatrix kiddo is it my turn
it is indeed yeah all right my turn i'm taking my man, Don Cheadle.
Yeah, you are.
He plays James Rhodes, the war machine.
War machine.
And the way I looked at this draft, I thought it was like complete opposite of what superhero,
that role in the superhero movie.
You can't.
So you just, yeah, so you just went like as far from it.
Yeah.
So I'm taking, this is a weird one i'm taking don cheadle in hotel for
dogs it's the opposite it's the opposite of war machine it's a hotel for dog he plays a social
worker it's a hotel for dogs it does what it says on the can it does exactly what it says on the can
exactly these beans make you fart it's a hotel for. It's a hotel for dogs. It's a hotel for dogs.
I don't really know if there's much to get into.
I've never seen it.
I haven't either. It's funny that he's been in Hotel Rwanda and Hotel for Dogs.
And like maybe the same year.
You think anyone was like, hey, go to Blockbuster and get that don cheadle hotel movie
for the kids
they just come back with they're like all right we got the pizza and soda the kids are primed and
he throws in hotel rwanda oh my god oh it's so funny
can i just stop real quick and say no no no i'm gonna no i'm gonna do it anyways
gotta happen boo no i've been thinking time for my third pick my third pick let me do it
i'll do it at some point i've been sitting here thinking about
my life a ton and i'm honestly like so happy that this is a part of life that i get you thinking
about food ass people are gonna hear the sincerity through the shit talking no they're not
35 the oh Ohio State University 28.
Live from Columbus, Ohio.
Oregon went on the road
and brought the hammer. I'll make it quick. I love you guys.
Shout out to Big Boy. With all my heart.
And I'm happy that we get to do this. Ducks fly together.
This is very fun.
I eat so much shrimp, I got iodine poisoning.
Poisoning.
Poisoning.
That's what i'm that's what i'm on i got iodine poisoning from shrimp i love you too sean thanks i've been different sean arizona
that's where i am this the ac game in here they must spend $1 billion a year in energy on AC out here.
I will say Arizona's got the AC on lock like most of the places I've been.
It's insane.
Even in my hotel room right now, I'm like cold.
Some of those places are refrigerated.
Yeah, it's nuts.
It's got to be.
It's like, what is it in Tucson right now?
Like 105?
Yeah, something like that.
Fuck that.
Pauly picked me up from the airport and he was like, oh, no, man.
It doesn't get as hot as Phoenix.
And I was like, well.
And he's like, Phoenix gets like 115, 120.
And I was like, man, this is all.
I don't know if people are supposed to be here.
Yeah, but Mars isn't as hot as the sun.
You know what I mean?
Still.
Mars is in Bolivia.
She is.
That's what Mars is up to.
I've never seen a hotel for dogs.
I only saw it's like right around that age where my little brothers.
Yeah, I probably won't.
I probably won't.
No, you got a kid.
You could.
It's going to all open up for you.
Put in the rotation.
How else are you going to expose it to Don Cheadle?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you going to show?
Crash.
Boogie Nights. She's going to see you going to show her? Boogie Nights, man. Crash? Crash.
Boogie Nights.
She's going to see the hog when she's... Yeah, Boogie Nights.
Time for my third and fourth picks, as it is.
Crash.
The Serpentine Draft.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right, love.
Let's get butchers at you, Fanny, love.
All right, love.
Let's have a butchers in.
All right, love. Here's a quid. Let's get a butchers at you, Fanny, love. Let's get a butcher's at your fanny, love. All right, love.
Here's a quid.
Let's get a butcher's at your fanny, love.
Is it a quid or quid?
Quid.
Quid.
Quid.
I'm going to take a man who played the Joker.
Okay.
Won an Oscar for playing the Joker.
Oh, yeah.
And then tragically passed away.
Well, two people won an Oscar for playing the Joker, Sean.
One of them is still alive.
Really?
Yeah, Joaquin Phoenix, dude.
That's right.
Joaquin on Sunshine.
Isn't it weird that two people have won Oscars for playing the Joker
and also Jack Nicholson played the Joker?
That is really funny.
That might be the most twisted version of any Joker joke.
That's so twisted, dude.
Two people won Oscars for it it jack nicholson isn't
one of them fucking twisted bro twisted twisted i'm taking heath ledger as patrick verona in 10
things i hate about you yeah that's amazing give it to me now is this because i know that uh since
you and d-bone you have like a newfound love for romantic comedies but is this one that you liked
prior or is this i've always loved 10 things i About You, and I know it's a romantic comedy. I almost thought
of it more as a high school movie back in the day. It is. I think they all blend together for me.
They make me feel the same way, the high school movies and the romantic comedies.
Very lighthearted, very happy-go-lucky, happy ending. I love them all.
Absolutely.
Yes.
That movie's great. Him singing You're Just Too Good to Be True on the football stadium steps.
Great high school in it.
I think that's in like Seattle, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The gas whatever park, Gasworks?
Gasworks.
I think it's like right over by UW, right?
Yeah.
But he's just fantastic in it.
Kind of like a kind of the bad boy a little bit.
It's a retelling of Bill Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew.
I knew that.
Wild Styles is in it.
Your girl Wild Julia Styles.
They have that weird paintball situation.
Yeah, they go on a paintball date.
But it's like in the pouch.
It's like paint balloons.
Yeah.
Which is. Would either of you play It's like paint balloons. Yeah. Which is.
Would either of you play paintball?
I have.
Yeah.
You have played paintball?
A few times.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I played it too.
I don't love it.
What?
Yeah.
I never have.
Would I play?
Okay.
Do either of you think I would play paintball?
I think you would play.
Do we think you have?
I think you would.
I haven't.
Is it fun?
I've always wondered if I'd be scared or not.
I mean, you were scared. Yeah. You're scared when you play it. Like, yeah. have i think you would i haven't is it fun i've always wondered if i'd be scared or not i mean
you were scared yeah you you're scared when you play it like yeah did it hurt yeah well when you
when you fell from heaven the first time i did it was at a birthday party and i wore sweatpants
because nobody told me so i just had like a boner the whole time yeah fucking rocking i just walked up and hit the tip of his dick oh my god that creeps me out just that would be that would be into okay here though i don't think
that would hurt any worse than like getting hit on the arm it's not the tip of your penis that's
sensitive what are you talking about what did you just say it's not it's not it's the it's your
testicles they're both sensitive i think they're both
sensitive your tip i think that no i don't think it's that much more sensitive than the rest of
your body i really did the under part of it now we're getting graphic but like the top is not
i honestly think you could it would feel the same as like it in your mind it would hurt more but i
really think the tip of it you think getting flicked on the tip of your penis would hurt the
same way as getting flicked in your arm yes well no there's only one way to find out high planes
you hear you heard it here first we're setting up a flicking booth yeah
it's gonna be right after the meet and greet then you go to the flicking booth
it's the meet and greet then the meet and beat we're gonna flick sean on the tip of the penis
50 bucks actually just for medical reasons just for just to cover costs just to cover costs
no i really i i mean no it's not you know what i'm you you know what i'm getting at at least
no it's not the sensitive part of the area.
The testicles are.
It's not the most sensitive.
The testicles are probably more sensitive.
Yeah, it would hurt more to get shot in the nut.
Yeah, but the tip.
You'd pass out, but the tip would still hurt.
Right.
It would hurt on your arm, too.
If you put your penis in your arm on a kitchen counter, and you shot your arm with a paintball,
and then you shot the tip of your penis
with a paintball, the tip of the penis would hurt more.
I think because it's smaller.
Okay, let's say if the tip of your penis
was as big as your arm. Hell yeah.
Oh, hell yeah. yeah i might have been wrong yeah i've been doing it the whole time david the only time i'm not is when i'm holding this cup
heath ledger and 10 things i Hate About You is Patrick Verona fair Verona
time for my fourth pick
I'm taking a Batman
in a point that Dana Schwartz has made several times
let's see
let's say
you see
you see a movie that has Michael Keaton and Alec Baldwin in it
right
Michael Keaton and Alec Baldwin in it. Right. Michael Keaton and Alec Baldwin were in this movie.
You're a,
you're Tim Burton and you think,
Oh my God,
I have my Batman.
And he picks not Alec Baldwin,
who you think would fucking play Batman.
He picks Michael Keaton.
And that movie that he saw the movie where Michael Keaton was so magnetic
that he had to make a Batman.
So charismatic.
Beetlejuice.
Oh, that's hilarious.
He is so charismatic in Beetlejuice, though.
He's so good.
It's awesome.
And it's funny, too, because Alec Baldwin at that time probably could have been a Batman.
Thinking about it now seems insane.
But at that time.
Oh, for sure.
If you're looking, you're like, like well there's a clear if i'm making
batman and these are the options it's gonna be the guy with the batman voice not michael keaton
it's it's insane that my that alec baldwin didn't play batman he was michael keaton though to me
best batman and it might be because i'm old whatever. I think he's the best pound for pound Batman out of all of them.
I'm a Balesman.
Yes.
Yeah.
I think Michael Keaton has the, he's got the everyday billionaire swagger a little more.
Like he's a little more likable.
Everyday billionaire.
Yeah.
That's what I was going to say.
Just your run of the mill fucking Joe six pack of fucking of fucking ace of spades i'm just like you i paid
twenty thousand dollars for a six-pack after work hang out with the boys i i shoot a paintball gun
at the fucking tip of my penis i drink don julio 1942 it doesn't hurt. Hang out. Just say it doesn't hurt.
You mean it hurts the same.
That's what I'm getting at.
I think it would hurt more in the tip of your penis,
but I don't think it would, like...
Yes, it would hurt more.
You've never caught, like,
just like a tennis ball or something
right on the tip?
Not that hurt.
Like, if you get hit in the testicles,
it feels like an ice cream headache. And the tip, it just is like, oh, that hurt. But it's... that hurt like if you get hit in the testicles it feels like an ice cream headache
and the tip it just is like oh that hurt but it's it's different i mean obviously it's different
than getting hit in the arm is your dick okay i think so there's supposed to be two heads right
it might be yeah i think we just have different definitions of pain bro Yeah that might be it
Well don't hurt I can tell you that
Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice
He's so good as Beetlejuice
He's so funny
That movie's awesome
It's crazy
There's that part in Beetlejuice
When there's like
All the prostitutes
On that model thing
And when I was a kid
And I still I just watched it the other day it looks like he ate them like after the scene
cuts back and it's just him sitting there and it seems like he ate them and maybe also had sex but
i i can never i could never tell he probably didn't but because it's no part of the movie
where he's eating people but i don't know just in the movie it's weird you're like did he have sex and then eat all of them i don't know
but also i didn't know what a prostitute was when i saw it so i had no idea what was going on
you thought it was a small finger sandwich i don't know why he was even there i was like what's the
okay i appreciate i didn't sex didn't even enter my mind i just thought he went and ate him
um Just thought he went and ate them. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is it Dave?
Is it me?
Well, we're going to get to David's next pick right after we take another short break.
This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius.
Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you.
We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick.
Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age.
Of course you do.
I wish I'd done everything at a younger age.
That's neither here nor there.
PolicyGenius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you
can get on with your life.
With PolicyGenius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just
$292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid
unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's
my wife did everything, but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get.
You have to research it, which I don't like
researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and
say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do
it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how
do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody
does. And that's what
Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go
to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few
clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team
is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything
like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just
want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the
hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance,
I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the
bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that.
You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt.
And then they see what I spent money on, probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life.
Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you
unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews
on Google Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it.
Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper.
That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with Policy Genius. Head
to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.
That's PolicyGenius.com. And we're back. Welcome back to All Things and Everything.
We're in the superhero actors and non-superhero roles draft. David Borey is about to make his
fourth pick and the Oregon Ducks beat the Ohioio state buckeyes 35 to 28 david
and david real quick i'm glad that the air conditioning is keeping your body at a cool
temperature because i want your body to feel good cool body yeah no i'm running hot so this is good
uh i am taken from guardians of the galaxy one ms zoe saldana oh love zoe love zoe saldana and the movie because once again my theme
for this is the opposite of the of the superheroes i'm taking her in the hit movie drum line oh yeah
because that's the opposite orlando jones left and right in this podcast this is a big jones
podcast it's the jones and dude we're jones left and right in this podcast this is a big jones podcast it's the jones and dude
we're jonesing out here
yeah man uh her as gamora is fantastic and drumline i love the movie drumline i know i
love it i do too did you know it's about dallas austin no who's dallas austin he's a record producer he uh hooked up with one chile from tlc
don't tell us did he play someone else's drum no but he like is like a very but he couldn't
read music i think when he got to college or whatever but he just like had it in him yeah
he was just nice with it that part where he goes and plays the other dude's drum and it turns into this all-out brawl is just so it's such a fun world to believe that they're living in where
you're like it's amazing it's disrespectful to play someone else's drum i felt it i felt
like watching it you're like oh shit like you didn't even know like he like you know what i
mean like he just kissed his girlfriend in front of him yeah is that trick daddy does the concert in the middle
of the football game no it's pd pablo pd pablo that's right a much more timely reference
pd pablo that was that's his fucking peak that's like pd pablo he had take your shirt off he was
in drum line yeah he's like i'm in a movie i I'm on TV. There's a cognac deal. He was never going to die.
He was never going to die.
What did he say?
Because I drink it and they're paying me for it?
What was it?
Remember?
Oh, Seagram's Gin.
That's right.
Shout out to Seagram's Gin.
Because I drink it and they're paying me for it.
That's in Freak-a-Leak, right?
Yeah.
Freak-a-Leak, Monique.
Somebody was talking about a t-pain
lyric where he was saying and he's like we ordered drinks and we drank them and got drunk we ordered
drinks to drink we drunk them got drunk and now i know she thinks i'm cool she gave me a wink i wink back and then i think that we gonna have fun in my spot tonight i like the
bartender he might have an alcohol problem he drinks he sings about drinking a lot
buy you a drink that's like a bunch of songs about just getting really drunk i just love it we drank
a man got drunk here's that drinking partner song let me buy you
a drink it's like yeah true he was always singing about he doesn't really sing about weed but he
just sings about getting drunk a lot let me buy you a drink as a cry for help he doesn't want to
drink alone he wants to help sort of you know please please hang out with me i got i'm gonna
drink so is drinking partner have you ever heard
that song it's just about how he meets a girl who also gets shit-faced i got a lot i got all
this ringtone money man let me buy you a drink i'll buy you like seven just hang out i'll take
the uber i just can't be alone yeah just don't leave you can stay at the crib it's fine. Oh, man. Yeah. But yeah, Zoe Saldana, drumline to Guardians of the Galaxy, range, baby.
Love it.
Range.
Range.
Sean Jordan, time for your fourth and then your final pick, as it is a serpent in your
left.
My fourth pick, I'm picking one William Smith who played Hancock and then was in Hitch,
my favorite romantic comedy.
Fair.
My favorite one.
Fair.
Of course you would take a jet ski to Ellis Island.
Of course you would do that.
I've done it, man.
I just need someone to record it.
That to me is, it's just a perfect romantic comedy.
And there's a few, but just i love it watch it again
i remember not loving it when i watched i need to watch it again there's so it's it's tough because
there's like the problematic i guess now that he's like that he's tricking women into dating
these guys like essentially he tells them to get out of their own way so they can see a good man like albert brenneman that's what i'm saying so it's like there's even a line of dialogue
in the movie because they address it so it it like it ain't tricking if you got it yeah i've been
saying it is uh it's such a fun movie kevin james is so funny in it eva mendez is great will smith
obviously is fantastic it's just such a good movie and hancock is really good too by the
way plus the ducks beat ohio state 35 to 28 so it's a great movie i love you guys man this is
fun huh i love you shit you got it in will smith in that king richard movie supposed to be amazing
is that the one about the tennis players about venus and serena and he plays their dad
and it's been premiering at festivals and like people say he's fucking amazing in it really
there might be talk no of a little golden statue really talk of a little golden statue for bill
smith dude good he doesn't have one which is wild he didn't get one for like uh what it was
ali he doesn't have an oscar does he. I'm trying to think of this here,
like seven pounds
in pursuit of happiness.
He didn't get an Oscar
for any of those?
No,
he was nominated for Ali,
I think,
but I don't think he won.
Oh yeah,
the champ is here.
Do you guys think it was Ali
on the way?
It was just me.
I did think it was.
I thought it was Will Smith
as the champ.
Now,
last pick
is tough
because I don't,
I want to,
man,
this is tough.
This is tough for me. Because I don't, I want to, man, this is tough. This is tough for me.
Last pick.
Okay, this is kind of how David's going.
So I'm picking Chris Evans.
Chris Evans was Captain America and whatever the Fantastic Four guy,
like Johnny Flame or whatever the fire guy is.
So Chris Evans has played two superheroes.
And I'm picking his other movie is not another
teen movie it is hilarious that movie and he doesn't like it you love that movie i love that
movie it's really funny like i don't like movies like that but it is funny i don't either i don't
like like your like hot shots they're fine but like not another teen movie is so goddamn funny
and chris evans in it is absolutely hilarious
and it bugs me that he doesn't like that movie he's like gone on record as saying that he's bummed
that he did it which is like i don't know it's just so great i think it was young i mean it was
before anybody really knew who he was yeah you can't be mad at that 15 years ago i don't know
but anyway it just i just love that movie and i think he's a great
captain america it's like i mean he's great it's captain america right don't get me wrong
fantastic as captain america but like if you're if you if you did not another teen movie and then
you went on to like have a daniel day lewisy career or something like that i can get saying
like oh i'm embarrassed if not another teen movie but you went and did fucking captain america you're not yeah you're not better than you're not. If not another teen movie, but you wouldn't did fucking captain America. You're not,
you're not better than you're not better than not another teen movie,
buddy.
It's funny.
It's not like a stinker or anything.
It's it's like,
it's good.
It holds up.
It's hilarious.
He's great in it.
I don't know.
Anyway,
Chris Evans,
captain America.
Love it.
Bong,
David.
Okay.
bong david okay my last pick is going to be i think that i'm going to take oh yeah you know what i'm doing it i'm taking the BP, Post Thomas, Chadwick Boseman for Black Panther.
Oh, yeah.
Obviously.
And then I'm taking Selma.
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Great.
Because those are just really opposite.
They are.
Extremely.
They sure are.
In ways, though.
Didn't Martin Luther King use a lot of vibranium?
Wait, he wasn't in Selma.
I'm sorry.
I've never seen Selma.
What's it about?
I thought it was about Martin Luther King.
Yeah.
Wait.
It's about vibranium.
Wait, is Chadwick Boseman not in Selma,
or is Martin Luther King not in Selma?
What?
Wait, what's Selma about?
Chadwick Boseman is not in Selma.
Chadwick Boseman is not in Selma.
Oh, he's not.
Is that David Oyelowo?
Yeah, I'm taking fucking 42, the Jackie Robinson movie.
Also a great movie.
Okay, I never saw that.
You would like it.
It's just like a classic biopic.
It's a fun sports movie.
Yeah.
It's what's fun and it's harrowing.
Yeah.
Because Jackie Robinson's life was harrowing.
But fuck, man.
Jackie Robinson.
I get upset when people are mean about crosswalk the musical on
twitter i can't imagine what it was like to be that dude like getting like fucking a man
no he had to be he had to be perfect and he was yeah oh chad boseman rest in peace yeah sorry to
oh oh yo oh yeah whoa oh yellow whoa oh yeah sorry to yellow wolf
i'm sorry to peanut butter wolf your dj ain't no dj
yellow wolf yellow wolf enter the internet that was that was a weird era i guess he probably
sure i think he's still rapping probably it was weird sure ray kwan signed him is or like
co-signer yellow is probably selling
like a thousand tickets in whatever city he goes to still i think you could be i think you can be
a white rapper in tour forever yeah he was just he was just a little it was just a weird momentum
behind him and you're like where's this coming from who is on board for this is what i never
understood used to be like that like if you look at old mgk shit
it was the same vibe like i mean tattoos and crazy weird cadence and shit too though like yeah i will
say that about yellow wolf is that he was like he was weird he was not trying to do like eminem
no really yeah isn't mgk huge now i never was into that like i never i didn't from the jump street i like his
i like his like songs now where he sings a little bit punky really i like i never got
i remember that wild boy song and i was like i don't like this uh time for my final pick
man i've got a few i know there's there's there were there were some fun ones that
didn't get said.
I think I'm going to take another man who won an Oscar for playing the Joker.
I'm going to take, in my most twisted move ever,
I'm going to take Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line.
Nice, nice, nice.
Narrowly beating out Joaquin Phoenix as Commodus in Gladiator,
but I'm taking him in Walk the Line.
I love that movie.
Great.
Sunday morning movie just to
throw on.
You know, it's funny. Both those are Sunday
morning movies for me, and they're both very
serious movies.
Yeah, but they're
serious, but they're light enough for a Sunday
morning for sure. Exactly.
Walking on Sunshine, dude. I'm taking
Joaquin Phoenix. That's my final pick.
Fantastic. To recap, Sean, you went first. Marissa, do you have one?aquin Phoenix. That's my final pick. Fantastic.
To recap, Sean, you went first.
Marissa, do you have one?
She does not.
She's in Bolivia.
Sean went first.
He took Val Kilmer in Top Gun,
Ed Norton Jr. in Fight Club,
Uma Thurman as the bride in Kill Bill,
Will Smith in Hitch,
and Chris Evans in Not Another Teen Movie.
David, you went second.
You took Robert Downey Jr. in Less Than Zero, John Leguizamo in Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything,
Julie Newmar, Don Cheadle
in Hotel for Dogs,
Zoe Saldana in Drumline, and
Chadwick Boseman in 42.
I went last. I took Anne Hathaway
as Andy of the Devil Wears Prada, Samuel
L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction,
Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You,
Mike Keaton, how the hell are you?
Mike Keaton as Beetle mike keaton as beetlejuice
and beetlejuice and joaquin phoenix is johnny cash and walk the line left some numbers on the board
dude there does blade count because i was going to pick wesley snipes in major league
but yeah blade counts wesley snipes and white men can't jump yeah wesley snipes his existence
wesley snipes his book yeah what was it called talent of god i love that you just i was telling laura that i go ian just texted me wesley snipes has a
book called talent of god and she asked why i was like he just texted that's just that's why
that's why because wesley snipes has a book called talent of god
who yeah that's why do you think he wrote it or do you think he had a ghostwriter
i think he well he's co it's a co-credit so there's another author listed at the devil makes
me think he was involved i do think he was involved yeah god bless him i bet he's gonna
play the talent of god in a very low budget yeah straight to red box straight to red box
louise guzman might get a superhero
role is because seth rogan played uh um the green horn oh the green oh that's right the green
i forgot about that too jeremy renner as uh jimmy in the town i was gonna pick ben affleck in the
town because ben yeah chris hemsworth is james hunt and rush yeah i've still never seen
rush oh rush is great dude it's on netflix i know that's what a great man halle berry catwoman to
boomerang all day yeah yeah ruffalo soldier and zodiac ruffalo soldier andrew garfield and the
social network dude brie larson and scott pilgrim there's there's it's this is so many cat yeah
chris bale we can do it again honestly
hostiles and shit we really could yeah but no before we do we want to hear yours hit us up at
all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com that's on the internet make sure you hit
us up shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon we love you thank you for
holding us down the sheslackity the afe subredditdit. Shout out to Saints2Carmel, back from Italy now.
Shout out to Aliza Carmel, getting married.
Yeah.
This week.
This week.
Yeah.
This week of this show, yeah.
Yeah.
Fucking shout out to Frankie Ocean.
Shout out to Sid the Dude.
Shout out to Haji Beats.
And more important than all that,
tune in again next week for another brand new episode
of all fantasy everything.
Sheslrakity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.