All Fantasy Everything - The Most Painful Things From 'Home Alone' (w/ Zak Toscani)

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

Happy holidays, All Family! We love every single one of you. Even you, Zach Harper.Guest:Zak Toscani (IG @zaktoscani, X @zak_toscani)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At Participating McDonald's for a limited time. Welcome to All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fancy draft anything and everything from the world of popular culture. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and today, and wait, hold on, I'm your host, Santa Claus, and today, because I finally have some free time, we're fancy drafting, it hurts my throat.

It's okay, I understand. It hurts my throat to do it. I had to give it up Hey, that's good draft who drafted the most painful things from home alone count. Zacula is here coming live from Hawaii both right Huh both home alone Both home alone. Yeah, two of the home alone To the first to the cannon home alone. We're doing two and three. The Kevin McCallister homologues. The Kevin McCallister era before they got to, I believe his name is Finn Baxter?

Oh, in three? Yeah. In three? Isn't that the guy who wrote, I hope they serve beer now? No, that's Tucker Max. Tucker Max. I mean, I don't know who that is.

I got the answer question. What's the difference? I read that at work. That's Sean's facial hair wrote that book. Oh yeah. David, did you notice? What? Oh, wow.

Yeah, she black. I thought something was different. I dyed it for that show last night. It's really sinister. This is a comedy store, Sean. Oh man. Hey, I got an email that show last night. It's really sinister. This is a comedy store, Sean. Yeah. Oh, man. Hey, I got an email from an ex lover. I'm going to the comedy store.

Sean's not putting the cigarette until he's about four feet, four steps in the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one of the cigarettes, yeah. No, there's nothing left. It's not right. I smoked the whole butt. I just smoke it till it's gone, like the way you eat apples.

I do eat apples like that. How does it feel? It frames your face different everything? It I will say and I'm not saying you should continue. I won't do it to me It swims your face like you already have a slim face, but it does make you it does make you more like what's Isaac? Said I look younger Laura almost barfed when she came when she saw me I didn't know you could look so good, holy cow. Laura, your parents are here.

Everybody didn't know what to do. Your parents are here, stop. She's like, my husband will be home any minute. You have to leave. Oh my God. Who's this romance novel that just got out of the shower? Oh, I don't know if it's a romance novel. Yeah, it's a dirty one.

No, that's smut. Yeah. That's at the grocery store. I told her I was going to shave it after this. I guess I'm going to keep it for a while. I can't keep it through Christmas. That'd be rude. This is an erotic turn of phrase in a letter from a prison. It's really more what this facial hair is. You know who would wear facial hair like this?

Is Ben Affleck in a movie set in Boston. You know, this facial hair and a long leather jacket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a long, smooth leather jacket. Like not pockety, you know, just like a long, smooth leather jacket. That facial hair. And then somehow a tracksuit underneath.

Cause it's still Boston, it's still B-town. I could put all that together. Deodora. Not like Adidas. Not like your client, like a weird, not the kind of tracks that you're thinking. Kappa. The ones with like the women. Yeah.

The two women back to back. That's the sexiest soccer. It's so sexy. The first time I saw that, it was like some kid, like a cool kid in high school who was on the soccer team had like a Kappa jacket. And I was like, oh, there's no way they make that in my size.

Yeah, soccer's not for her. I brought my little brother and my cousin a soccer jersey in the mall yesterday, and I was like, God, these are so cool. Also, the soccer jersey kiosk guy, also running the jewelry kiosk 10 feet away. Whoa, he running back and forth between you back and forth I was like, can I get the runaldo in a small? He's like one second buddy and he goes over and sells like a marijuana leaf chain

Give that man the Heisman. He was doing double duty. And even because when he was selling me, he was like looking at the jewelry stand to make sure nobody's stealing or anything. Great guy. You don't steal from that guy. You don't? No.

He sees someone stealing, he's like, you can if you want, sure. Also, fucker jerseys? There's kiosks he owns that he doesn't tell anyone about. Got them for 65 each. Yeah. That's great.. Yeah. That's great. Come on. That's great.

I say. You get that bimbo bread yellow one? No, I got the Fly Emirates. And then I got the pink messy one from here. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Miami FC. Like Milan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Milan. Milan, Florida. Brother, I was just picking. I was like, the name's good enough to be on the back of a jersey. The kids know who it is, man. Right. And Ronaldo, we all know Ronaldo. But it's Christian. I feel like we didn't grow up with Christian. We grew up with the other one. That's true. We grew up with like Ronaldinho, right?

Well, no, Ronaldo, the one that the eponymous from Brazil, right? Right. The eponymous? Eponymous. Eponymous? That's what I'm about to have tomorrow. Sorry, I didn't get you any presents,

but a lot of popular meat. I thought we were celebrating eponymous. Oh shit, my bad. I didn't I didn't get you I didn't get you any presents, but a lot of pocketed me This is what you wanted, right? Yeah, no I took that back from the Lego store Eponymous eponymous eponymous Eponymous is at the zoo. Yeah He's also Excuse me, sir. I'd like my money back. I didn't see the eponymous and I've been here five times They kicked David out for throwing empanadas into the zoo enclosures.

It's their Christmas too! It's their Christmas too! Oh, honors don't like empanadas? It's from Brazil. Oh man. Well that was good. Yeah, that was good. There is a, but there was, yeah, there was the Brazilian Ronaldo.

That's the one I, that's the one I think of. And he has gotten chunky. Hell yeah, good for him. Which is great. Those soccer jerseys show, if you're chunky, those soccer jerseys let you know. That's brother. Oh no, he's looking chunky in a suit, dude.

He's just looking like, I spent the first 30 years of my life running more than I walked. And I'm retired and I'm going to go to, I'm going to eat some fucking FOGA to chow, dude. Come on. I wonder, they always say with like retired football players that like linemen lose all the weight and then receivers and stuff, they gain all the weight. That's true. That is true.

And I wonder if that's same with soccer. Like all the strikers, do they just get huge when they get older? Cause they're like, I run too much. And then all the that's same with soccer. Like all the strikers today just get huge when they get older because they're like, I run too much. And then all the midfielders are just the same. Goalies get hot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's Oliver Kahn looking like right now? Because they're probably eating like six thousand or like ten thousand calories a day

because they're running that much. So they probably have to. Well, they were. It's like It's like 20 miles a game or something versus like an NBA player runs like four miles a game or something and that's the next closest thing. I mean soccer players run like- It's 20 a game? It might even be more than that. They run so much.

For midfielders, right? Not for everybody. I don't know much about soccer, but somebody runs a lot. Yeah, midfielders would probably run the most. Or defenders maybe, I don't know. But yeah, maybe 20 miles runs a lot. Yeah midfielders are probably run the most or defenders. Maybe I don't know but yeah Maybe 20 miles is a lot. I just know that the wing gap is a lot wingers

They run hold on This is it's one of those fucking articles where it's just like I just want the fact I have seven miles a game soccer players I mean 27, you know round up it to 20. Yeah. We should get into soccer. In the valley of the sun. We should really push hard for a soccer team, I think. Wait, what? Oh, like you guys are gonna sponsor like a youth, like an AYSO team. We're gonna be a soccer team. No, okay. We should sponsor a team. We should should we're not gonna be a sock Yeah, the empanada sponsor team and then you guys do a tournament and who wins in a league. Yeah

It's all you can write it all off right member Hannibal sponsored that that that women's MMA fighter But then her outfit was just like little pictures of him I sponsored the Portland State University track and field team. Oh, man. I'm sponsoring the Cappuccino Mustangs. That's the team my brother's on. I'm a big what I've donated. Yeah, that's what they want.

You sponsored a sex team. Cappuccino Mustangs. Yeah, they just go to the club at one. Isaac, so they don't know what high school it is. Yeah. No, I don't know if we can come out. Why would cappuccino matter? He goes to cappuccino high school.

Yeah, he called cappuccino high. He goes to cappuccino high. I swear to God. Isaac, I gotta cut all this out. No. No, I'm not cutting any of this. Are you kidding me? I can't.

I went to Lincoln and he goes to cappuccino. I went to Westview High School. I didn't know that was an option. Cappuccino Mustangs. He's a Cappuccino Mustang and I was a Lincoln Patriot. One P, it's C-A-P-U-C-H-I-N-O, Cappuccino Mustangs. Wow. Wow.

Man. Do you guys want to go back to high school? Yes. I want, let's just say, come spring season died my beard jet black on the side for some of these Some of these meats. Yeah, you have to be yeah, you should be grilling meats at the meats Whoa, oh man, I should be cooking up some Raider or whoever they're playing. Yeah You're like that. Yeah, like when people play the ducks and they cook a duck Yeah, you're like that. Yeah, like when people play the ducks and they cook a duck. Yeah, yeah, that could be good.

Big brother cappuccino on the sidelines. People are like, who's your son? I'm like, don't worry about it. You should have a big Halloween candy bowl full of NIL money that the kids can just walk over to the kids and do... Dude, when you sponsor the team, when you sponsor the team, they get a a big you get a big quote and they all see it And like everybody's quote was like we love you Catherine mommy and daddy and I just did all caps. They not like us. Yeah It's been a pretty awesome journey thus far yeah, that's great. I think I'm gonna get better No, I love being a friend of the program if he goes college. It's gonna get I think it's only gonna get better. No, I love being a friend of the program.

If he goes college, it's gonna get nasty. I didn't even think that. I'm not gonna blue chips this whole shit. You're a friend of the program. That is fun. I'm fucked better when I'm winning. I'm transferring to Machiato State. I'm outta here.

A lot of flat whites on Machiato State. Is Machiato and Flat White the same thing? Uh, I don't know exactly. That barista that uh... I wouldn't bring it up around Ian. He gets so hot when we talk about the Flat Whites. I've talked about it on here before. Somebody told me that Flat Whites were a drink invented by Starbucks.

At a hipster coffee shop in Portland. Sean, we're leaving. We left. I was insulted. Sean, we're leaving. No. We left. I was insulted. We don't make those. It was great. We got into an Audit TT with the top down. God damn right.

It was at, that's hilarious. It was at Crema. It was at Crema. I expect better treatment at Crema. We spent so much of our time. Didn't Shane used to work there? He did. Yeah, he sure did. Upwards of $500 in seven years. It's been so much of our time. Didn't Shane use to work there? He did!

Upwards of $500 in seven years. Maybe more. Maybe even more. Verging on six! I'm pretty sure I brought someone one time that I'd probably pay for them. The $525. Add it up! Add it up, Kremah.

Don't make a flat white. We are gathered here today. Well, I guess intro's first. Sean S. Jordan is here. Sean Cougar Melton Jordan. Sean, dude, I don't know, Chandra the Giant with his facial hair. What is going on with him? Sean.

I'll tell you what's going on with him. What's going on with him. What's going on with him. It is growing on you. If you're listening to this and not looking at it, Sean has, as he has oft threatened to do, dyed his beard jet black and shaved it into kind of a horseshoe?

I didn't mean to. I meant to do the whole thing. Also you got a haircut, right? I did get a haircut, yeah. I meant to dye the whole thing and then I bailed halfway through because my skin started to turn purple. It took like a big rectangle box above my lip

because the dye, I got the black shit, and it goes, I got the darkest shit you could get. And it went up to my cheek and I'm like, oh no, I'm gonna have purple, like everything purple for Christmas, so I washed it out early, so this is what I got. So this is- Sean got the jest from in with Clyde Frazier on the box.

You look like a young principal. Yeah. I hate that I'm gonna have to go out there and tell Laura that I'm keeping it, but I was gonna shave it after this, but I'm like, my friends think I look good. Thank you to everybody who came out to my office Christmas party last night. It was a smashing success.

We damn near sold helium out. It thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I was so happy. The show was so good. It was thank you. You stand up in character. Did you do it, A'Shawn? I found a way to do it as the boss, but I did a whole PowerPoint and like the whole it was 20 minutes, it went too long. You ever do that weird like you ever play,

but anyway, it was dope, dude. Phil killed it, Steven killed it, Kate, Julian, Simon, everybody killed it. Thank you so much for coming, and we're gonna do it every year. Julian Gray, hot New Portland comedian. Yeah, Julian rules. Yeah, he rules.

Yeah, man. You know what I love is the last three letters of his name. Up top, Julian. Ah, there we go. Ian. There he is. Yeah, yeah. His name's actually Jul. That's what I was like, R-A-Y, okay, sure.

Julichon? He goes by Jul-lion, so I get it how you... I don't know if that's the correct... Like, Jul-lion? Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, So I get it how you Who I voted for my wife voted for who I voted for. And my wife voted for who I voted for. Oh my God. Shonuary sixth over here. This looks like I'm just standing out there waiting. Finally, big time.

I've been there all four years. What'd I tell you? What did I tell you? There's a picture of you dying it right before you go in. Yeah. Oh man. In the mirror it his Ford F350.

It looks like your Christmas center says, learn English on it. Like a festive font. Yeah, talk American. Something wrong, but still right. Spell that, speak English. Go to the Patreon, AFB Patreon. We're having a good time over there.

There's like almost 700 posts now, so. We are having a good time over there. I got like almost 700 posts now, so. We are having a good time over there. I got nothing coming up, so you know, do that. We auction drafted Christmas movies. No, yes, yes, Christmas movies, yeah. I didn't love it. I think I won. We'll leave it up to them to decide.

The only one who didn't win was fucking Zach Harper. Oh yeah, Harper joined halfway through. Yeah, Harper hops in on a lot of those. If you guys wanna hear David get pretty miffed, you hop on there. It's a treat every time. Every time it's a treat. David Borey is here, Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram.

Where can people frequent the content? Brother, I got nothing. Go to patreon.com backslash David Bori by my special it's doing good. We sell some every day. So I'm really happy about it. It looks beautiful I got a bunch of videos up there Swimming in a pool in the last one if you're a freak That's it though, man. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah festive Kwanza and Joyous festivus for the rest of us. Hell yeah.

Mm-hmm. Zach Tuscani is here. Yes sir. Yes sir. Yeah. At Zach Tuscani, across platform, right? Z-A-K. Yeah, Z-A-K, you got it.

Where can, you're currently in Hawaii. I'm currently in Hawaii, no more shows for the rest of the year, but I will be headlining Clinton Street Theater in Portland, Oregon Friday January 24th and I'll be doing the house shows all fit I'm gonna try to do all 50 states this year or a 2025 and all Canada So if you're interested email me or DM me on Instagram or social media. We'll make it happen

Yeah, I had one here in Maui and I'm pretty sure I met a guy who's in witness protection. Easy! Go on. He was until you started talking about it. Very cautiously. He was a dude for a New Yorker, like a New Yorker from, I know the neighborhood but I'm not gonna say it just in case right and he was like he was Drunk as shit and he'd been in at Maui for 33 years and all of his roommates were like no he's He's gotten drunk and told us some stuff and I was like, all right. Yeah, fair. You're just plugging your ears like

What a great situation though, I feel like you always think about witness protection Like they go to like gotta go to like Kansas or North You're out of the life you're out of the life and you're going to Hawaii You won pretty yeah You said he has roommates that kind of sucks, but it's worth it Yeah, no, I feel like he's the type of guy who needs roommates though Cuz he was getting the kind of drunk where it's like oh He can't just like put himself to bed people gotta be like are we're taking it back to his room Yeah, I wouldn't know anything about that. I wouldn't be able to yeah, that's crazy

That's crazy people that people have done that. I don't know how that works Really only Zack is I've ever seen I'm out here to dry out, man. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Oh, Sean, I wanted to say, did you see that in the final four in the one division down from like the top division

of college football? Go on. Two South Dakota and one North Dakota schools? Really? Is this going to be a bit a bit is this gonna be a bit? USD and SDSU who is it? Yeah Your high school is like playing for a national for the state championship or something like that They played in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade Lincoln. We're talking you, because I was in the hospital. Sean's high school, yeah. Yeah, my sister marched in that.

My sister marched in that when she was in high school. Lincoln has a crazy good band, crazy good marching band. That's not what I'm saying, though. What are you saying? I come again? I thought that, I think somebody DM'd me or something that your school was in like the state finals for football, let me look it up now. Oh, for football, that'd be nuts.

I mean, it sounds like I'm from a pretty good place, all this South Dakota life, I like what's happening. It sounds like you don't have a lot to do but practice the horn and play football. I mean, you know, those are constructive things. It's South Dakota versus Montana State is one game. And then it shouldn't be this hard to find the playoff bracket.

Yeah, dude, they were 11 and one, Sean. I mean, yeah, dude, what'd you expect? South Dakota, man, something in the water. South Dakota State versus North Dakota State, and then South Dakota at Montana State. So that's the final four. Hell yeah. Dakota. Dakota, here we and then South Dakota at Montana State. So that's the final four. Hell yeah. Dakota.

Dakota. Here we are, South Dakota dominating. South Dakota domination. It starts right here. Sioux Falls, Lincoln versus Brandon Valley. Yeah, you guys were the class 11 AAA football championship. Yeah. Sioux Falls and Brandon played for the state championship.

Yeah. Bunch of cowards out in Brandon, holy cow. Let's see if you guys won. Yeah, let's call Brandon. It's not like a- I could fast forward. God damn hayseeds. I'm surprised they can even find a football.

They link them up on the floor with them. Well, it's like, I don't know about that. Is that farm country? Let's see here. It's detached from Sioux Falls. There's probably 20,000 people in Brandon. Yeah, you guys won. That's right, Brandon.

Eat it. You guys won 11 and won. You don't know it. You guys, you guys went 11 and won. You don't know anything. You know what's funny is a lot. Your high school won the state champ, and you don't know? It pisses me off that his high school is the one we should be the boosters for.

I know. Should we become boosters in high school? I don't think I'm a notable alum, and I imagine all of you are, your high schools. I don't think I am, so this would really help. There was a banquet, I had an award, yeah. I didn't even have senior pictures. I'm not even up on the wall in there.

Oh really? No. Elizabeth. I didn't live at home, I was doing my thing already. Yeah, you guys are. Westview, not a little on Portland State University. It's not a big deal. No, it's not, that's why I didn't.

31-21. It's a really big deal. 31, how long ago was the game? I should've gone. I just stand in there like, hey, what's going on? I'm on the sidelines. Just like, what are you doing? With that facial hair, nobody's asking.

Dave, it was gonna be like, oh no, that score was from 1926, my bad. My bad, your school eliminated football in 1997. Okay. No, you guys. The Lincoln Leatherheads. It's crazy, school eliminated football in 1997. Okay. The Lincoln Leatherheads. You guys only lost once this year. That's crazy. He doesn't, nobody cares.

Okay. He doesn't care. What do you expect? I'm more for Sean React. I mean, I expect a team of doing the splits. Oh, by the way, I told- I'm lamenting on the fact that I never played a single game for that team.

I told my lady that story, and now a lot of times in the house she's like, can I? I'm like, can you get me a glass of water or something? She's like, can I? Can I? Sean, you can do the splits, right? Can I? Left leg forward, right leg forward, and van dam?

Yeah. Is that how you say it? You do it, you van dam it? I did the van dam. In the bit I say I did say it? You do it, you Van Damme it. I did the Van Damme. In the bit I say I did left leg cheerleader, but yeah, I Van Damme it. That's right, left leg cheerleader, right leg cheerleader. But I Van Dammed it.

My name is Ian Carmel. Ian Carmel, across platform, blue sky, Twitter, Instagram, but not on YouTube, where I am. IK Cool Jew, where you can follow me. My special, Comfort Beyond God's Foresight, comes out on 800 pound gorilla on February 4th, on the 800 pound gorilla website exclusively.

And then worldwide on a bunch of different places. Worldwide, worldwide. You can get it on Amazon, Google Play, Tubi. Hey, Tubi's for the people, man,, Google Play, Tubi. Hey, Tubi's for the people, man. It's democratic. Hell yeah, dude. Tubi saved my ass a couple times. On a lot of stuff that you can't find anywhere else

is on Tubi, like good old movies and stuff. And Comfort Beyond God's Foresight, Ian Carmel's stand-up special on the 18th, but it comes out on 800 pound gorilla on the 4th. Check it out. I'm really proud of it. I think it's really funny. Filmed at Revolution Hall,

where, Isaac, can you take this next 90 seconds out? We're gathered here today not to talk about all that stuff, but rather to fantasy draft an idea that I think my wife came up with while we were watching Home Alone the first, which is to fantasy draft the most painful things that happen in, hold on, in a, I'll be right back, sorry. Oh, okay.

Oh, I think the baby's, Did you guys, I just wanna ask, did anybody else go to the, there's just a Wiki for it, which is awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I went, I had a minute last night. I had my first couple. Everybody was in bed and I watched both of the sequences

from each movie last night. It's only like probably 45 minutes total of them getting into shenanigans. The rest of the movie is the movie. You know what I mean? But I watched there's some of this stuff you you absolutely wouldn't walk away from a lot of paralysis, a couple of deaths for sure. And I just it's it's so nuts to think that you just get out, they get up and

they're like, oh, all right, let's get him. It's funny, because I watched I watched the both Home Alone's last night and they move way quicker. Those movies move a lot faster than I remember as a kid. I used to think like, oh man, it's a long time before they start breaking in. But as you watch an adult, you're like, oh, this is all. Have you not seen them in a while? Probably a couple of years, but also never really watching them with a, with an intent. Yeah.

Oh, I'm waiting for something to happen. Yeah. Home Alone 2 man, Tim Curry. It's when he just goes, I love you. He's just so, I don't, my face doesn't work like that, man. And old 45 was in there. Oh, oh, Donnie, Don boom boom. Oh, yeah. Yeah He was cute and we put him in stuff I think they had to use him because to film where they had Trump Tower He owned a plaza at that time or something like that and to let them use it He was like I need to be in the movie and all right

One night in New York. I'm going to stay at the Plaza. And I don't care if my entire check from the show I have to be doing goes to it. You know, those rooms are never they're never as much as I think they're going to be. Everything good, but everything good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Logistical question. Those like those rooms. Like I said, we're driving a home, a painful home alone thing. So the first two. Yeah. Yeah, we should get we should get good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay logistical question those like rooms like I said, we're driving a whole little painful home alone things

We're the first two. Yeah. Yeah, we should get we should get cook I Stayed I've stayed in a couple nice hotels not on my dime, but on others like in New York They're rad but the Plaza right by the park like old lady Yeah, I think it's worth it. My dad took me, my sister, when we were kids, but we didn't get like a suite. We just got like a regular room. And then you realize that like the window of the hotel is like this just tiny and there's

bars on it. And you're like, oh. Here's what you need though. You need at least two nights because I need one cover to cover day. If I'm going to do that, I don't wanna check in and check out the next day. I want to have a whole actual day in the place. So like, you know, at least 48 hours.

Is FAO Schwartz still near the plaza? I think it went out of business. It's gone, I think. Oh really? Ah, damn. I took a picture, I took a cool picture of Sean in front of the plaza the other day. David was on his photography tip pretty hard last time we were in New York. Oh, I took a cool picture of Sean in front of the plaza the other day. David was on his photography tip pretty hard

last time we were in New York. Oh, I remember that. Or the whole tour, you kept stopping us. I just like taking, I wanna have a bunch of pictures for me. No, I feel you like, you know what we've taken to do in the last couple years is printing them out. We don't do it as much as we should. We have photo albums and we'll print some out

and put them in the album. So we have like physical flip through photo albums. How do you print them out? You just, you send like Shutterfly can do, you can, I mean you can send them to like Walgreens and they'll print them, they'll have them printed quicker than if you develop film. I mean they can do it in minutes.

It's awesome. You just hand your phone, you're like, develop this please, just everything. I throw it at them. Videos and all. You take a screenshot of this off my phone. We're drafting the most painful things to happen in the first two Home Alone movies. Now the way we determine the screenshot of this off my phone? Uh, we're drafting the most painful things to happen in the first two Home Alone movies.

Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot. You ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, David wins! A paper against two scissors, unnatural. Yes, yes, yes, unnatural.

I think that I am going to go Zack, David, Sean, Ian. Zack, David, Sean, Ian. Zack, David, Sean. Zack, who's coming over? Zack, David, Sean, and Ian. David, Sean just got out of prep school. And this is my friend, David, Sean. Zack, David Sean, and Ian. David Sean just got out of prep school. And this is my friend David Sean.

Zach David, Sean Ian. That's the order. Zach David, Sean Ian. Zach has the first pick in the, oh wait, oh shit. Where are we? I thought we were gonna miss it. I'm sorry, my brain is out of here. No, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

It should be. It's a serpentine draft, just for the listeners. It should be it's a serpentine draft just for the listeners Yeah, if you have a view yeah, and what the hell is that? That's a great question I'm trying to figure out my first pick. Sorry. It's like the way I imagine Santa delivered presents to Edward scissorhands neighborhood Let's keep it going. Oh That's good. Oh Yeah For if you wanted to pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round.

That's basically what it means. Now, Zach, you have that first pick. We're going to get to it right after this short break. This show is sponsored by Better Help. Now it is the holidays. That is no surprise to anyone. And I will speak for the gang. Big fans of the holidays. Just the cozy months. You get to throw on a nice little baggy sweater

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Headgum. That's right, terms and conditions apply. Of course. Thank you, Aura Frames. And we're back, welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it.

We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it.

We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it.

We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We were saying like a little bar. Did you just go sit on the stairs like a stoop in Brooklyn? I Sat there. I put my hood up and I did a spaghetti wrap freestyle a little bit Zack you have the first pick in the

Most painful things from home alone all fantasy everything. What will that first pick be? Oh man, a lot. There's a lot here. I'm gonna have to go from Home Alone 2. And this was a little bit of a send up from the first one. It's when, oh not Marv, who's the other one? Joe Pesci's character. He hits his head. Head lit on fire. Classic, like from the first one.

But this time he's like, oh, I'm gonna put my head out in the toilet, and then the toilet is full of kerosene. So it just explodes. Oh my God. Yeah. It is. They cut, I just watched it last night, they cut to the outside shot,

and it shows the whole floor explode. And they're like, oh, so he killed him. It would have definitely killed him. 100% would have killed him. Oh Maybe the most out of everything in the home. This is the one where it's like well, you wouldn't survive that right? That boiled but then he's got they shake cut and he's got soot on his face and you're like Where does that come from? The kerosene is wet. How'd you get soot on your face? At some point they were always like it was always cartoonish violence Where'd the soot come from? The kerosene's wet. How'd you get soda on your face?

At some point, they were always like, it was always cartoonish violence, obviously, but at some point they were like, you know what, this is Looney Tunes. This is Road Runner. Which is awesome. Which is great. Yeah, it's the best. Yeah. When you, and I don't know when the last time you watched it, Zach, you said you watched it last night,

when he goes to put his head in the toilet, by the way, it's like a gymnast. He's up there doing like one of those on the wall pushups and slowly lowers his head into the toilet. So they cut to a very strong person to do that. Yeah. Yeah. He lowers himself in very slowly and then and boom goes the dynamite. No, that's a that's a classic one too. That's like, you feel like that one was probably on the trailer.

Like that was one of the, like when you think about this franchise, you think about that one. That's a fun idea to watch the trailers. Oh yeah, playing on the head. Him looking right into the camera and just going. Like, there's a lot of looking into the camera in these movies. Which is awesome too.

Yeah, yeah. Pesci is a weird actor, huh? Pesci is the man though. He's the man. But how did he end up in a Home Alone movie? The Home Alones were his break from it. How did he, listen, how did he find the Jersey Boys? What are we talking about?

Yeah, that's true. He's Pesci, baby. You know he found the Jersey Boys. He could do anything. How did he make a rap album? He did make a rap album. He really did find the Jersey Boys? How did he do that?

He was out in the streets. He's from Jersey, I think. He's active. Yeah, he knew Frankie Valli since they were kids, I think. Wow. Him and Frank Vincent, the guy who plays Phil and the Sopranos, they were in a band together. Joe Pesci and him. Really? Yeah.

It was Billy Bats and Goodfellas, like, they'll get your shine box. That guy. Yeah. He was a drummer. Oh, it was just like showbiz dudes in New Jersey trying to find, like, like any angle to get in, right? That's like what it was. Yeah. I mean, that is cool when people are just creative. It was just like showbiz dudes in New Jersey trying to find like like any angle to get in trying to find their lane What it was? Yeah, I mean that is cool when people are just creative You're like you're just creative or like talented so you just start doing stuff and like you're you can just kind of do whatever I mean, yeah, it's a small world, especially when you're starting right? Yeah

John Hughes and Christopher Columbus must have been psyched when he was like, yeah I'll do it cuz that's like a way overqualified actor for that role where they're like, wait, he was in casino and good fellows. Well, good fellow was good felt. What year was, what year was home alone? No good fellows and home alone came out within three months of each other. That is odd. That might be the biggest,

I bet you're big for a performer. Pesci was doing the money dance that year That would be a problem he's like I can't be stopped and so I don't Both of these work. Yeah Yeah, they really did major part in both not like not like speaking parts, right? No the main dude He was the main guy in both of them. Oh, that's sick. Him and Daniel Stern.

Daniel Stern. Daniel Stern. I almost said David Stern. Him and NBA commissioner David Stern. And for the Clippers first round pick. Joe Pesci. But they're like that comedic archetype of little bossy guy, big dumb guy. Yeah.

That's the Abbeisemite. Never fails. Yeah, that's the Ab up myson man. That never fails. Yeah, it's the up myson man, it never fails. And they're like, maybe one of the best examples of it. It is. Daniel Stern really gets played out like a dumb dumb in these movies too. He's so stupid.

I mean, they're both stupid, but Daniel Stern, holy cow. Kerosene toilet, Home Alone 2. David, time for your first pick. So this is just for the This one I'm picking because of the length of it I feel like it went on for kind of a long time and how brutal it would be I'm taking Marv from the first one after something happens to his foot that somebody else could pick He takes off his socks and he comes in the window and he steps

Yeah, and all the presumably glass Christmas ornaments and it's like five, six steps. It's just like happening. They're popping. They're popping and you're just like, that's the game over for me, I'm out. Like thousands of shards going into your foot. I don't want what this kid's got that bad.

I don't want what this kid's got that bad. they just drag it out to like really like it's like step by step by step Scrutiating yeah, that shit is so brutal to me have any of you ever Stepped on something like that no like Painful things in my foot, but never like that. I've stepped on the other thing that he steps on that'll probably get picked, so I don't wanna say it.

I have stepped on one of those too. But nothing like that. It would, yeah. And you know that like, what are bulbs made out of? Is it, are they glass? I thought they were glass. It's like real thin. I think back then they used to be.

Max dropped one and shattered it not that long ago and those pieces, they get everywhere. I was picking one up and just a tiny little piece of whatever it is, whatever it is, got in my finger and it hurts so bad. So to get those all over your bare feet. Even as a kid I was always like, that's, because then he's walking throughout the rest of the night.

He's running on it. Like die cuz then he's walking throughout the night. Yeah, he's running on diehard like diehard. It's just I Never stepped on it but I remember when I was a kid I would play like with like take the mop handle off the mop and then use that as Like a baton or something and then it would be fiber coming to America and then you'd have all that fiberglass in your hand You ever see that? Yeah, yeah as that's as close as I got but I helped remove when I was a plumber's assistant for one Count them of one day quit the next day. We were removing a fiberglass shower from a halfway house and like that's not all in my skin and I'm like, oh, it's terrible

That's all sucked and they just kept letting me do and I'm like, oh, that's terrible. It, ugh. That job sucked and they just kept letting me do it. They're like, yeah, right. They had sol sols and they were like, you're a big guy, pull it out. They didn't wanna do it. They knew they were coming back. I'm sure they could see right away, like, this is the one day we got them.

I think that like, I think that like people, they love, construction guys love making kids do tough shit. Yeah. I remember having to move a bunch of rebar Yeah, I remember having a bunch of rebar once Yeah, move a bunch of rebar with no gloves and I was like this is This can't be how you make money in this world. I hate the way rebar feels. It's so dry and metal. Yeah, I Love the way it feels now that I dyed my beard. I got we got a we got a rebar bed I love the way it feels now that I dyed my beard. I got we got a we got a rebar bed.

You're sitting on you're sitting on the block. Just one string of rebar right now. The couch is just a big hunk of rebar now. Feels great, Laura. Uh, it's time for you to your first picture on Jordan. This from Home Alone 2. I was so excited when it opened up because this to me is just absolutely bonkers. I'm picking the fourth brick.

So when he's thrown down from the roof, I remembered it as being two. So somebody else can pick the first one, but I'm the fourth brick that he throws from the top of the of the townhouse. You can take all the bricks. All the bricks. The fact that he doesn't just drop them, by the way. So he he throws it and just, I can't even imagine what would happen to someone.

Your face would be, it'd be like when the mountain got ahold of the Viper in Game of Thrones. I mean, it's a wrap. I don't know what four bricks would do to you. Young Steve Young with those bricks too, like that A. Oh yeah, strange. I couldn't make that happen. No, Kevin had a lot of skills that you would hope

translated to a successful professional career as an adult. Yeah. In some way. Do you think it became like an escape room magnet or something like that, just with this idea for setting traps and maybe he invented escape rooms. If you track it. I would love that, but he also saw

the dark side of life early. I think he might have started the Silk Road or something. Oh, that's a good point. You know what, like, he had seen evil. He might become the Saw Guy and the thing. Any number of dark ways that Kevin McAllister could have played out. Healthcare CEO.

Yeah, yeah. Or Luigi, he could have been Healthcare CEO. Yeah, yeah. Or Luigi. He could have been either one. Yeah, yeah. Damn. He's just so frustrated. Like, I should have killed these guys already. How are they not dead? Yeah.

I know. I'll get involved in health insurance. Then I'll be able to kill a lot of people. I hope everybody watches the video so they could have seen Ian's face right after that. Holy cow. Yeah, that's a good that's a great pig. That is in. And then Marv's just like, or Harry's just like, whoa, like, walking.

I'm like, right? Like, bro, you're there. You're there on that sidewalk. You might have a little breath of life left in you, but you ain't going anywhere. I don't think I have a lot of bricks in me in this life. No. No.

I mean, I was, even in Friday, when he throws the brick at Devo on Friday, I'm like, that would paralyze him probably. You know what I'm talking about? He's like six feet away from Devo when he throws that brick at him, and he really throws it. Anyway, yeah, the bricks. Excellent pick.

Thanks, bud. I'm staying in New York for my first pick. I'm going with another thing where I'm like, that would kill you. There's not a way this doesn't kill you. You ain't walking away from this stuff. And I'm taking the 100 pound bag of concrete and they show, they show you that it weighs 100 pounds.

Right there, just boom, boom, boom. A catch to the rope that Daniel Stern is pulling down. Thinks he's gonna climb it, pulls down a 100 pound bag of concrete that lands on his head. Square. And when you see him again, he's just covered in dust. Like, you know, like coughing.

That would, a hundred pounds. Dude, spine crush. On you. Oh yeah. You're dead. Your neck is broken, your skull is fractured, you're lying on the floor, Kevin is going to jail for negligent homicide or something like that. Kevin just walks up and pisses on him.

Yeah. It would hurt. It might not even hurt. Cause you might not, I don't think you would feel it. Yeah. Yeah. You might be dead before. It's like you're done. Does he look up or does it just catch him on the top?

Does he look up and see it? Is it that? I feel like there's a lot of- I can't remember. Does he look up and see it? Is it is it that? I don't like there's a lot of like they saw it coming or the worst kind of ways in these movies Yeah, that feels like if you look up I could see that just Snapping your stuff in your head all the way back like you're in the ring or something a pest dispenser Seeing something hit you in the face is so, remember when I took that baseball to the face, Zach? Yes.

I saw the whole thing, saw the whole thing. The day before Sean's wedding? The day before Sean's wedding. David tried to- Were you in a batting cage? He told me he was coming to the wedding and I threw a baseball in his face. I was like, no you're not.

We went to Greggy's baseball facility and it was one of those ones where you have to feed it one by one. And David was feeding the machine and I hit it and it hit a piece of metal on the like the protecting thing, took it off the metal and went right into his face. Like saw the hole right in the eye. Shout out Premier Baseball Club, Greggy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And then the whole time afterwards, you can't even cry, so you just gotta be like, I just kept being like, that sucked. You know, I'm very surprised you did not have a Shiner the next day. You really did. I'm built tough. That's one thing I know I can take a punch in no type of, Yeah. It's not really a great skill.

Show no damage. No battle damage. Not really a great skill in your late 30s, but you know, I mean it's a skill. I mean mid 20s No, that's that's me. Dude. Look check out the facial hair play. That's not that's not how you look like mid 1920s Well that thing maybe mid 1820s. Yeah mid 20s, but somehow is also in the Korean War. I'm out here I'm staying at home on to I'm staying with Daniel Stern Getting getting some heavy tremendous He gets work lethal damage doing I think he gets it the worst He gets work by to Pesce was probably like I'm not doing that one I don't wanna. I'm not telling you.

Make wonder years do it. Maybe I don't feel like doing that one. Wouldn't even call Daniel Cerd. Call him wonder years. Make wonder years do it. You hear a little girl, Chris? You hear a little girl down there trying to get me to do that scene? I'm getting, him getting electrocuted.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh god. The watts keep getting turned up until he turns into a damn skeleton? Come on, let's go into a damn skeleton with frizzy hair. We're in full Yeah, I'm too in territory at this point. They really made us think that it was like funny to get electrocuted in the 90s. Yeah to death Electrocuted to death a lethal electrocuted to death.

A lethal electrocution. What was that thing that he used to electrocute? Was that like an arc welder or something? It was like some box with like a high current on it. Yeah. Those things were nuts. He's also, we just got a generator. It is an arc welder.

Wow. Keep hold, dude. It. It is an arc welder. Wow. Keep hold, dude. It's an ACDC arc welder. He's using a lot of stuff that I would have no idea how to use. I realized when we got our generator the other day, you don't just turn that shit on. Like that, whatever, that arc welder,

it's gotta be complicated. Yeah, for sure. So get on Kevin. He's in vocational school at night, just trying to learn how to best the villains. How to kill. He's just sitting in there with his little, his little like binder, his little, I don't know,

who would have been at the time, refrigerator parry binder? Trapper keeper. He's got his like mac and cheese in his thermos and he's just learning how to weld so he can best villains. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Mac and cheese in a thermos? Yeah, dude. What are you doing? Just go back to that for a second. You can put it in. Is that your pick? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, It's like Boba tea, but for a hash. That big straw?

Oh, it's like Boba tea. Lumberjack, lumberjack, Boba tea. Not lumberjack. Something else. Call center Boba tea. Call center Boba tea. Call center Boba tea. Oh, mac and cheese in a thermos is nuts.

It's just real thick coming through the straw like a snake eating a rat. Do you pour it into the cup and then sip it? I think it depends on the company I'm keeping but yeah I mean if Laura's parents are with me then yeah Man, that's so funny Sean it is time for your second pick mac and cheese and a thermos not available How do you spell thermos How do you spell thermos? How do you spell thermos? T-H-E-R-M-R-S-M-O-S

I got it wrong. Thermos Thomas over here. So I'm going the I'm staying at I feel bad for staying in New York all the time but they just got worked so much harder in New York. So in New York

they're going up the stairs and they dodge a couple of maybe other picks. And then he throws down an iron pipe. Kevin does. He throws an iron pipe down. That was that one. That's a huge, it catches both of them in the chest. But then in Home Alone too, there's no floor. There's no, there's like a hole in the floor. So they don't just fall off the stairs. They fall off the stairs down another probably 12, 13 feet because these are high ceilings. And it, I mean, again, I know we're in Looney Tunes territory, so none of this is real.

But if you just do try to imagine, it would be insane. Your spine would be shattered. I mean, everything inside's bleeding. I don't know what you would do. You'd just sit there and start saying mom. The pipe detaches and rolls down. And then falls on him again. It's a twofer.

I just, yeah, it is so gnarly. Just thinking about like, they probably got two seconds to know what's happening. So that's scary. Another lethal turn of events, I believe. Yeah, dude, you're not going anywhere. And it's maybe the most lethal, because I don't think you die right away from that.

I think you bleed out internally, your organs flood or whatever happens. I mean, yeah, that's the thing about these, right, is by the time they had got to Kevin, they'd have been so fucked up. Yeah, dude. Right? Like, regardless. You would have been able to take them hand to hand

by the time they got to them. Yeah. Yeah. That's his whole thing. He's like, all right, now let's separate the men from the boys. And he's like, and he takes his shirt off and they're like, we can barely,

I can't say the alphabet anymore. He monkey steals peaches, you know? The devil's last blow. Yeah, man, that they probably fell 30 feet or whatever. I just can't even. That's so buck. Yeah, that really that that really would hurt. There's also I've started digging like when researching this and like digging in people online are like, there's no way he could lift that pipe. Okay.

Well, sure. Yeah. Yeah. All right. There's no way he wouldn't just go find an adult and be like, hey, I'm a parent. There's no way he could get a room in the classroom. My parents are in Florida. That's what, so it is fun in the very,

in the very, in the first Home Alone, they'd, you know, they go through and they dissect how that could happen. Like it could, in a world, there's a way that the kid could be home alone or whatever. And it's fun. But like, none of this is real. Of course it's not real.

That's why it's fun. Yeah. That's the whole excitement. You know what I like a lot from the first one, sorry, sidetrack, but is that, is the neighbor kid who's the one who's getting miscounted? He's just in there asking them, does this car have four wheel drive? Does this guy have gas mileage? Have fun in France, bring me back something French.

Yeah. Gee kid, I don't know, hit the road, huh? Does he have glasses? Does he like, does he have a... I think so, yeah. No, he doesn't, he doesn't. Cause he looks just like Kevin. Fuller has glasses.

That's right. Yeah, Kieran Culkin. Little Kieran, who knew? I could tell. So, Uncle Frank is Kieran's dad in that movie, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, God, Uncle Frank is such an asshole. Look what you did, you little jerk.

Yeah. You gotta have one. Stealing, he was gonna steal the salt and pepper shakers from the plane. I love it though. He's like, it's free, isn't it? Put them in your purse. He just keeps going, fill it up, fill it up. She's like, she's pouring it, and he goes, fill it up. He just like it's free in it in your purse. He just keeps going fill it up fill it up

It's like he's pouring it and he goes fill it up He just keeps telling her what to do and you're like, she's doing it, bro David time for your second pick. I'm going to take the first movie Tell me if this works. I'm gonna take the pain of your son saying he wishes your whole family was dead. Oh For sure. So if we just had the first movie, I was gonna, yeah, we're gonna have to go a little mad at it, but yes. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, god damn. Yeah. I don't, I've never been a parent, but I imagine that's gotta hurt somewhere. Yeah. Oh, it's gotta kill you. I got the, my son said that to me. He said it right away. I stopped changing his diapers. I mean, I came out and looked son said that to me. He said it right away. I stopped changing his diapers.

I mean, I came out and worked the front perfectly. Also, this is where like Catherine O'Hara, where you're like, obviously a great comedic actor. It's like, oh no, she's a good actor. Yeah, she's great. She plays the hern on her face. I think she nails it. And it's just like, she's going through this.

She's like, I'm taking you to Europe, you little fuck. And he's like, I wish you were all dead. Well, go upstairs and sleep in piss then. That is funny. Everyone's like, fuck, you have to deal with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to happen. It's going to happen.

He's gonna pee in there. Also in movies, they always act like no one's ever slept on a floor. Like you you can there's so much floor in that house. I Okay, I hear what you're saying. I Feel for a spa see bed. I think you sleep on the floor more than most people. Yeah, I'm a good guy I'm a floor guy. Oh, yeah, it's acts of floor guy to not me and pay There are people that are people I'm Micronesian were four people Shots no way to verify. Oh, yeah, we don't know no

Based on one account we have to believe it's true. Yep hundred of them a hundred percent of the Micronesian friends. I have swear by it Yeah, man 100% of the Micronesian friends I have swear by it. Yeah man. Yeah that would be rough. Emotional drama dude. Yeah that's great. And then she left him so you gotta feel terrible like that. Like yeah just oof. Yeah.

It was tough. That's it. I left the garage door open. That's it. That's what happened. Yeah. You wonder did he lie about that? Like did he actually know he left the garage door open or is he just trying to be like yeah. That's it. That's what happened. Yeah. You wonder, did he lie about that? Like, did he actually know he left the garage door open?

Or is he just trying to be like, yeah, yeah, that's it. He did leave it open. Because it is, right? It is open. Did we see it or something? He does see the cars, yeah. Zach, time for you to second pick. Okay. For me, I'm going to also go to the first movie. And this one, this is one of the ones that gave me like a visceral reaction watching it.

It's I think the first one he gives them is the BB gun to the crotch. Yeah, man. That one was right. Nuzzled right up against him. And oh my God, passion point blank and point blank to the dick. Yeah. Oh, is it a, is it an airsoft or is something coming out of there? Second question, are air rifles literally just air?

No. No. Something comes out of an air rifle. It's your pellets. An airsoft is like a little BB. Yeah. Okay, all right. So it's never just plastic maybe.

He doesn't know country for a little bit. What if he knew country? That'd be worse. That's just air, right? If you cattle prodded that dude's dick off? That's just air that comes out, right? And that thing, that's nuts. No, it's a thing.

Like a little metal. It's a prod. I thought it was just air. This whole time I thought it was just air. No, it's metal. Oh, okay. So that's a really strong blast of air. Went right through that guy's head.

Not. See? I learned something. I learned something almost every time we record. All right. And it's head. Not. I learned something. I learned something almost every time we record. All right. It's a good thing. I can get why you would think an airsoft gun would air. Yeah, let's focus on that.

Forget the other stuff I said. Yeah. What would like some of those BB guns where you caught, where you'd like keep pumping it, it would just keep pushing the air pressure. So then it would fire out stronger, but his was like a shotgun. Remember he had like the pump action on it.

I had never seen a BB gun like that. Did you guys have a little- Yeah, I had a little- BB gun to the dick. I had a little handgun BB gun. It's just unnecessary. It looked like a Colt 45 or something. Oh yeah, we had a whole time where all my roommates had one.

Yep. Dude, I had a rifle BB where all my roommates had one. Yep I had a rifle BB gun with a scope on it The rule was like if you don't want to get shot by a gun, it was a lawless time. I Was like the jackal here. I Used to walk up on the Walk up on the rooftops of our hotel with my BB gun with a scope on it. Like, could you imagine you're on vacation and you're like, is that a little boy with a rifle on the roof?

It's like the governor of Hawaii was like visiting your town. Take the shot! Take the shot! You're just up there with a Capri Sun bandana on sweating. Yeah, exactly. Like the jackal. The Lord is my shepherd. We shall flow over and report to thee, and teaming with souls shall it ever be. Spirit of Sante.

Was that Boondock Saints? Yeah. And your third pick, Zach Disco. Oh, okay. Man, you know, David kind of briefly. January 24th. Correct. Yeah, yeah. David mentioned it earlier.

It's another one that gives me visceral. It's also from the first one. It's when Daniel Stern steps on the nail God damn it. Yeah Deep deep nail and oh my god Oh, it just it gives it like makes me it makes my brain imagine what that must have felt like just a nail going Right into the middle of your foot. Oh And they it's they show it sink on so slowly too.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, it's very like, erotic. You can feel it going into your skin. And then it's fine for looks. Yeah, I gotta tell you this. So I was with Simon Gibson last night and he said he was at a show doing a show in a basement standup and there were people on the floor above him making noise

so he was just being like, knock it off, like banging on the ceiling, just joking, and there were people on the floor above him making noise so he was just being like knock it off like banging on the ceiling just joking and there was a nail sticking out and he's like I just shoved my hand right into the nail because we were talking about this because we had decided we were drafting it but he's like dude I could he goes I felt it oh no I heard it before I felt it so he could hear the nail going into his hand yeah cuz that's it goes all the way through he said it went in as far as it could go. Yeah, like his hand was hitting the ceiling. And the nail they show in the movie is a thick, long nail.

It ain't no- It's a big and long one. That one's for weight. It's definitely the one you feel the most when you see it. For me anyways, cause all the other stuff is so out of left field, but that you're like- I can't picture getting electrocuted or having a 100 pound bag of cement on me, but the nail one I'm like, oh It's awful and I was through my shoe through my LA gear

Like years are built for speed not for protection that wasn't safe, but it's a thick soul. It is a thick soul I got a thick soul to after this beard now I got a thick soul too after this beard now. Yeah, you do. Yuck. I was gonna say you won a 100 pound bag of cement. You made me in the paint, baby. I'll dunk on you. Yuck.

A thick soul and no visitation. David, time for your third pick. My third pick I am going to take from the second movie. Okay, so this one, I don't think, physically it's not the worst pain, but it's the most uncomfortable. I'm taking when the pigeon lady covers him with bird seed and he gets pecked by all the pigeons.

That is nasty work. That shit is nasty. Dude, they're so gross. You know they shit all over over them little shit hawks. They're so dirty. Oh God. Now I got hepatitis. Just a bunch of little animal, ugh, ugh.

Yeah, it's scraping on you. Yeah, it's fucking all bad. Just birds that eat cigarettes are gonna peck you. Yeah, especially after all that shit you went through. It's another one of those things where it is cumulative, you know? Right. That's definitely the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Yes, exactly. So yeah, I'm taking, I'm taking the, and that pigeon lady, you don't know if she's got a gun. You don't know what she's about. For sure. She's probably got, I don't want, like I was gonna say bottles full of piss and stuff like that, but now I feel like I'm being mean

about homeless people. You know. I think, but. She probably does have a bag full of piss. Who doesn't? She probably has a bag full of piss, all right? You've never needed to get a job immediately. All right? Gotta have one laying around.

You've never been in the roof of Carnegie Hall or wherever they're supposed to be. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's right. I always like to think, I always like to think of her as Laurence Fishburne in the John Wick movies more than just like a rogue agent. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Laurence Fishburne, boys in the hood, Laurence Fishburne. Hottest man I could possibly think of. So it's funny that you bring it up. I know that about you. But yeah, I'm taking the pigeon pack. I like that they went back to the well of older, down on their luck person who you don't understand like they're like it works so well on home alone one They were like run it back. What's like a slightly different version? We I every time cool if they got together in like the third movie. Yeah, that's what it's over to the two

yeah, I kind of imagined they did honestly and Made sense to me. That woman is an Oscar winner? For what? Unless AI is lying to me. Brenda Fricker. I can believe that. For my left foot.

Yeah, she's an Oscar winner. She's Irish, right? Man, what a cast. Like, they were pulling in like crazy. Damn, Curry. Shit. Dame Maggie Smith, right? Yeah pulling in like crazy. Damn, yeah. Oh shit. Mm-hmm. Uh, Dame Maggie Smith.

Right? Yeah, that's crazy. That is a, that's a, man, that's how, I mean, that must be how big of numbers the first one did. Right? That they were able to pull that? This lady's rad. Oh, she loves her pet dogs, drinking Guinness,

reading poetry and playing snooker. And she wants beat all 17 members of the cast of my left foot at snooker. Whoa I thought you were saying those were all the stats for her dogs No Drinking Guinness Sean time for your third pick. I have a hard out. I'm sorry. Yeah I'm gonna go the Home Alone 1, Iron to the Face. Yeah. Damn, yeah.

Yeah, that's great. Was the iron on too? Yeah, was it? No, because he had the, didn't he have the? He has the imprint, yeah, yeah. I never put that together. Oh yeah. I mean, I saw the imprint, but yeah.

It's got the red mark. That, I watched, I don't know where it came up, but some little interview with Daniel Stern the other day, but he said, I'm gonna go with the Iron to the Face. I'm, I saw the imprint, but yeah. I watched, I don't know where it came up, but some little interview with Daniel Stern the other day, but he said when they were filming that, one of the shot where he's looking up at the iron, he said it was like a 50 pound camera

that they dropped on a rope. And so to get that shot, he's like, I just had to trust them that the camera was gonna stop. So it stopped like two feet before it hit him for real. Real fear. Yeah, dude. That would be, that'd be scary. But yeah, that iron to the face,

that's another one where you're like, maybe you could, maybe you could get up from that, but like nose shattered. I mean. I don't think it would kill you. No, no, but. It could kill you though, I guess. No, but like it could, it could,

you'd be concussed probably. I'm not saying you wouldn't, you would die, but I'm like, I don't know how your condition. Yeah, those things are, especially if it's full of water too. Like if you filled the little reservoir, they got some weight on there. And it looked like one of those like 70s irons too. It didn't look like, it wasn't like cutting edge.

Dangerous. It was a heavy Chicago iron. Those iron that you could shank someone with too. Like that point, you're like, why's it gotta be that much of a point? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Please, dude.

It would be insane. Time for my third and fourth picks. With my third pick, I'm gonna take, it's something, this is another one that like just, when I was a kid growing up, it never seemed that painful. And Dana and I were watching it the other day, and I was like, oh, I think I would die if this happened to me.

It's Home Alone 1, and it was just frozen stairs. Oh, man. Yeah, that was on my list for sure. Falling down hard concrete frozen stairs, I was like, God, just leave me down, shoot me. If that happens, just come out and shoot me like a horse. The Daniel Stern where he like goes in the basement. Those ones.

Yeah. When he falls and hits each one, like each post, like just different points hitting your back from the stairs. Oh God. You know what else I wonder? It begs the question, what was the score gonna be? How much money are they doing this for?

I was thinking about this the whole movie. They're doing it for hard goods, which that's what I never. Which so they're going to fence them or whatever, right? He mentions in the first one, he's like, they might have cash and then some like off marketable securities. I don't even know what that means. What does that mean? I don't know if that's like stocks or something that you keep in a safe.

Yeah, like, yeah,. Yeah like like like maturing Bond or like my way looking for like when you get a kid at When they're a kid you know like a savings bond or something like a save it then they mature But you're like, what's we're gonna do with that The scumbags, you know aren't gonna buy silver With my fourth pick I'm going classic from the trailer, Home Alone 1. It's the zip line rope cut. Yeah.

Then they go tarzaning into the side of the house. Into a brick wall. Brick wall. Oh God. Let go of the rope. Well, yeah. But you're gonna, see this was one I agree with because I'm like, you're gonna get work no matter what.

I could see myself Hanging on and just trying to shoulder the wall instead of falling onto the ground. Maybe I don't know Yeah, it's it's an interesting one because it is you have a choice. I'm slight. I'm trying to slide down that rope They're coming with some momentum against that wall hot. It's like a fulcrum. They're just swinging it Both of them if that was home alone too to they would have been flattened out like pancakes Yeah, it peeled off by the homeless lady. They did a little more of that in the second one for sure Yeah, and like David said that was near the end too. Yeah, they were Yeah, they were they were vulnerable vulnerable delicate men at that point broken tailcussed. Looking for but a bit of succor in this world.

Burnt all over the place. A bit of what? Sucker? Well, Mark Succorberg over here. Sucker. You guys don't say sucker isn't like a regular part of your vocabulary? Succor? No.

Succor? Not a regular part, it's a specific part of my vocabulary but it's not a regularuckor? Not a regular part. It's a specific part of my vocabulary but it's not a regular part. No. Iceman? Yeah, no. Suckor. My man. Yeah. He's just had a Starbucks. He hasn't talked around anyone for a moment. It's like, yeah, sucker, sucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Home Alone 2, when I think it's Daniel Stern,

opens the door, or he's trying to, he opens the doorknob, it's a rope attached to it, so he turns around and yanks. So you get kind of a three banger, because he gets a nail to the ass, then he turns around, he gets a nail to the bad dude, and then he goes down to see what time it is, and he gets a nail to the face. Or no, staples he gets a nail to the bad dude, and then he goes down to see what time it is, and he gets a nail to the face.

Or no, staples. Staples. Staples. Staples. Yeah, not nails. But staple to the butt, staple to the penis, which I can't even wrap my mind around. It's so bad.

It's so bad. They're like big staples too, dude. Those are like wood staples. We are, yeah. Honkers. Maybe y'all never did this, but there was a couple times where we took a stapler and just like smacked our arms with it,

like an office stapler to get the staple in your skin. And that hurts enough where you're just like, ooh, it doesn't kill you, but you're like, man, that a big thick one of those in my bad dude? I don't think so. Yeah. There's something. I don't think so.

No, thank you. No thanks. Not today, honey. Not for me Negatory oh My goodness, yeah, that would be a bummer. Thank you David time of your fourth pick. I'm taking the first paint can. Yeah. Yeah, that's great Yeah, the classic the very classic hits the head, falls down the stairs too. Yeah.

That's a face, that's a back. These aren't young men either. No. No. These men are our age. Our age. I feel like we're over. Our age, 29. 29, 28, like in that region there.

Dude, like, I can't, I couldn't get out of a laying down position while holding my son earlier. Like, I'm like, part of that is my body's very inflamed from all the sugar cookies I've been eating. And I've been eating these. But like, I baked. Nice.

I've been too busy to bake. I baked, dude. How'd it feel? Amazing, feels great. You're the captain now. You're the hot cook. Hot cookie, I am. I made sugar cookies, I made a ricotta cookie. Oh, I didn't even know you could do that.

When you guys come over, I'll bake. I'll bake, you let me know. I gotta get to him. I, and just to address the age issue, I took a screenshot of a post I saw where it says the ages of everybody from the cast of Cheers. I'll send it to you guys. Oh yeah, Norm was like 30.

It is shot, Woody Harrelson was 21. Boy oh boy. Wow. But they talked about him like he was a kid. That makes sense. Cliff was like 30. You're just like what? Yeah.

It is nuts. Anyway, yeah. Dudes look different. Pencan, excellent. Zach, time for your fourth and then your final pick. We'll do a lightning round for the final picks. Okay. My fourth round I'm going to go from the second movie, Home Alone 2, and I'm going to do the bag of tools that drops on Marv.

Yeah, just a bag. I mean, a bag of tools. It's just like so many different things that would hit you in a different way. It's like a just loose metal. Oh, God. There's no right way to like something's coming You're like I'll cringe for that and try to prepare for it There's no way to do it when it's like pliers hammer wrench, you know And one of them could get right in your eye if you just like yeah, like a wrench right in your eye No, thanks. Well, like a hammer claw digs into your

Explodes your orbital orbital bone No way. Miss me with that. I don't think so. Yeah, that would fucking suck, dude. That bag of tools. And also that's like plausible. That could happen on accident too. A lot of this other stuff is like, that nobody's putting a paint can on a rope.

No. And then my final pick is sending them to prison. Go on the cops, they gotta go to prison. Yeah. That's the gift that keeps on giving, I feel like. The most painful prank of all. And they gotta go to prison and be like, we were caught by an eight year old child.

A little boy blessed me. They're not gonna get any respect. Have your way, criminals. Cherubic, a cherubic-faced angel. And they're not gonna be getting a lot of suck-or-in-prison, if you catch my drift. I think they're gonna be giving. They're gonna be giving.

David, time for your final pick. I'm taking Home Alone 2, the seesaw, where he lands on top of the parked car and smushes it. Oh, dude, yeah. He broke a car. He was high enough that he busted a car, that's enough. You're coming in hot if you're doing that. It's too much. No thanks.

Miss me with that. You don't get my vote. Sean, your final pick. I mean, it's in line with Zach, but handcuffs hurt pretty bad, man. Handcuffs, I'm saying. Having handcuffs put on? Yep, it ain't cool

If you're a big guy and they won't give you the extender they really squeeze them Yeah, you because like there's no good way. There's no good way to sit without fucking your wrists up When the car like there it's like it's the worst angle. It's terrible It's like, it's the worst angle, it's terrible. Front of my final pick, I'm going to take dedicating your life to Poker. Ha! Oh wow. Joining the Kenosha Kickers.

Poker, poker, poker. Touring the country and yet selling only 623 copies. Yeah, yeah. Of Poker Duest. Kiss me, Poker. You said they're on the road for 49 weeks a year. I was like, Jesus Christ. They have three weeks for their family?

They're only a few shaboigan? They don't have families. That's probably the fakest thing of the whole series where you're like, John Candy is so sexy and talented. They would be world famous. I know some comics who are living like that. Yeah, for sure Six hundred twenty-three give them an extra sixty. Yeah, I'd like to be nice

In Chicago, no sheboygan very big and sheboygan. Yeah. Yeah the way she goes in Chicago. Oh These are songs That's my final pick Isaac you told me you didn't have a pick do you have a pick I did not have a pick I had a bad. All right I've seen him. I just don't like the Canon does not exist freshly in my mind Unlike the word suck or. No suck or for us. Zach, you went first, you took the kerosene toilet,

the BB gun to the crotch, Daniel Stern stepping on a nail, the bag of tools and the prison, the criminal justice system. David, you went second, you took stepping on the ornaments, the pain of your son wishing your whole family was dead, the bird coat, the went second, you took stepping on the ornaments. The pain of your son wishing your whole family was dead. The bird coat, the paint can, and the seesaw landing on the car. Sean, you went third, you took the fourth brick,

the iron pipe, the iron to the face, the nail to the staples all over the place, and handcuffs. I went last, and I took the concrete bag, the electrocution, frozen stairs, the rope Cut, and Being in an Unsuccessful Polka Band. We wanna hear yours. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast.gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon,

the AFE subreddit, the AFE Shaslackity, all of those. Shout out to SuperMegaUltraProducer, Isaac Lee, on the ones and twos. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Happy New Year,, happy holidays. Thank you for spending another wonderful year with us. We will be back with our pop culture draft very soon

for the year of 2024. But more important than all of that, tune in again next week, shout out to Frankie Ocean, for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaquackity. fantasy everything. Shicklackity! That was a HateGum podcast. Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris.

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