All Fantasy Everything - Things You Only Do On Vacation (w/ Lily Sullivan, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

A leave, a holiday, a recess, if you will.Episode Guest:Lily Sullivan @LilyYily (IG: @lilyyily)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all fantasy everything. The podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting things you only do on vacation. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. Our guest today is the fantastic comedian, Lily Sullivan. Joining me, I did this all out of order, and we're keeping it in there.

We're keeping it in there. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think it's because David Borey is back from Bolivia. It's throwing me off. And Sean Jordan, my friend and comedian, is here as always. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that just blew it. It just blew it already.

It's already blowing it right off the rip no such thing man you did great i'm happy about it no such thing please get yourself together this is a professional podcast i know i'm trying i really i feel bad this is lily's first episode of all fantasy every that was really embarrassing for me like if you could get together on behalf of sean and Sean and I, we are so, so sorry. That's not how I would have done it. But, you know, it's not. Go ahead.

How would you, how would you intro it? This is all fantasy. Everything. The pot. Fuck, man. I did. I did screw up. I didn't mean to.

You meant to. That was the thing. On behalf of David and I just want to apologize for Sean there, actually. Yeah. Thank you for saying that. It actually means a lot. I really needed that. I think accountability is really important.

What a dickhead. David, you want to give it a go? No, I know my role. Okay. Great. Well, I've been to the farmer's market already, so I just want to sort of get that out in the open. Whoa.

If you sort of detect something different about my energy, it is that I've been to the farmer's market already, so I just want to sort of get that out in the open. If you sort of detect something different about my energy, it is that I've bought a $6 bundle of kale. I can feel that on you. Do you have something you get every time? I get the meat sticks every time. Every single Sunday. We usually get berries. Those are called hot dogs, Sean. And that's a carnival.

No, they're called meat sticks. They try to tell me the same nonsense when I get them. And I go, they're meat sticks. And I'll hear nothing else. Are these funnel cakes organic? Yeah. We get blueberries and I go, give me those little purple meat sticks. Blue meat sticks.

Do you think blueberries are purple? They're a little bit. Sometimes they are purple. Sometimes. Sometimes they're green, bro. You've seen them when they're new? They're green. I've never gotten them that new. I don't think. Little baby blueberries, they are purple. Sometimes. Sometimes they're green, bro. You've seen them when they're new. They're green. I've never gotten them that new.

I don't baby little baby blueberries. They green. Are you talking about when they're still on the plant? Cause you're not seeing that at the farmer's market, right? Cause that's like, no, but I'm just saying in general malpractice. Yeah. Yeah. We get bears all the time too.

We'll do the plugs later, but Lily Sullivan is here. Lily, I guess Lily and I did a show together in Glendale, of all places on God's green earth. Most beautiful place. Where in the Dale? Where was it? In a mall? In this theater there.

It wasn't in the mall. It wasn't in the mall. It was neither in the mall nor the other mall, but it was in a mall. It did feel like we were in a mall. You didn't want the Panda Express in the gallery. It did feel like we were in a mall. Also, I mean, this is a total side note, but I went to the doctor recently and it was inside of a mall. Oh, no.

Always trouble. I was just like, I couldn't believe I was like walking by like Uniqlo to like get to the office. It was so bizarre. Yeah. I mean, they need to do stuff with those like spaces that are, I guess, becoming vacant, but don't put a doctor in there.

I would be, I think I'd like it better. I might stop at Niklo. I'd leave home to treat myself. I'd get some coffee. I'd get a little, a little waffle sandwich. Who knows what I'm doing.

You wish they had cemeteries at the mall so you could be buried in one. We all love the mall here, but you love the mall maybe too much if you want to go to a doctor there. It only took you 12 years, but you see me, and I appreciate it. You shouldn't be able to get a diagnosis and a lids in the same trip. Yes, you should. No, you shouldn't. Why shouldn't you?

Think outside the bun, Playboy. Think outside the bun, okay? I like that I have a pretty open mind about most things, but not about... David? Mall doctor? No. No, I don't like it. There was a college and a law center. I want my doctor by other doctors, so they have to compete

for doctors. Yeah, like a doctor of fitting your hat, a doctor of making a waffle sandwich. You think you don't have to... I mean, I know you like to call the guys that lint doctors for all the work they do. Hat doctors. Yeah. I'm going to go to the hat doctor.

Everything at the mall could be the whatever. I'm going to go to the clothing doctor. If I found out that Annie Ann was a doctor, even if it was of the culinary arts, I would feel a little more comfortable with like a mall doctor. But until then. She's cured me a lot. Yeah. Also, that's Dr dr ann pretzel bit the uh the little pretzel bites they're so good oh they're so buttery and delicious they're tricking you into eating like three pretzels i think with those yes they are

i almost don't want to say this. Okay, now, just the new, there's so many calories in pretzels and it's fucking, it's so depressing when you look into it. You just have to give yourself

license to be like, this is what I'm doing today. That's what I can't remember. I'm like, I think for some reason I have 700 in my brain and it's either that the pretzel bites are $7

because that's outrageous. They shouldn't be that much or it's like 700 calories for like one little. And it might be both. It might be both of those things at the same time. It might be a dollar per 100 calories. Do people eat pretzels really regularly? Is that like a thing people eat regularly? I mean, I eat it like sometimes if I'm just like it's such an impulse purchase because you're like, I might be a little hungry. So I get a whole pretzel. But it's like, I mean, it's insane how much butter and salt it gives you a high.

It's delicious. It's incredible. It's so good. And they also have this weird scarcity where it's like, if you see a hot pretzel stand, you're like, wow, when am I going to see one of those again? I know it does have that appeal to it. And you can stay on the move. You're to it. And you can stay on the move. You're at the mall. You can stay on the move.

On the go. You work the calories out as they go in. So you really got to hustle. Your fingers are like covered in butter and you're touching all the merchandise. That's fine. You just don't buy the first one. But you're at the doctor now. So it's like if anything goes wrong, you're okay. That's a good point.

There was a college. I forget. I think it might've been one of those like medical technician colleges in Lloyd center in Portland, which is like, I feel like it was the first mall in Oregon to start going out of business like that. Where they had a third level where it's right now, if there's like a bridge club up there, there's like a bunch of hairstylists. Yeah. There's probably like a therapist up there on the very top. There was a college up there for a while and you would see people in scrubs,

just like walking around the mall. And that's not what you want to say. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. And they would see me walking around the mall. We saw each other. I'm here to buy a Jacques Von jersey from champs. Like get out of here. My therapist is on, um, on Larchmont and that's dangerous enough because I get out of there, and there's all those expensive boutique little shops. And I've bought myself a $70 candle because I was like, I cried so hard. I should buy a candle. And then you cried your way into Diptyque. I've done that as well.

Yeah, exactly. You know what I'm talking about. I've seen Ian. I would have walked into a Diptyque with Ian before. I remember picking one up like, whoa. I didn't know it was like that. They're just psychotically expensive. But they smell so good.

I walk into Diptyque like an Upper East Side rich New York lady walks into Barney's. Back in the day when I had a late night job, just pointing at candles. Not even looking at the price. I'll take it. Those were the days for me. night job just pointing at candles not even looking at the price i'll take it yeah those were those were the days for me large one is dangerous too because you can get it anywhere you need it like they also you can also buy a 15 block of cheese or like 12 books is that the same price because that's insane yeah

i don't know which side of that is insane, but something about that equation blows my mind. It's all crazy. It is. Everything available. Nothing on Larchmont is affordable. Yeah, you can't get like a drink under $7 there.

No. I don't know what Larchmont is. It's just like an expensive street in LA. You know where Larchmont is? Larchmont is where I threw that iced coffee at that car. I didn't want to say it. Yeah, that is.

Okay. I had a feeling. I had a feeling that was Larchmont. This lady pulled up at a crosswalk and she deserved it. She pulled through it like we were stepping into the crosswalk

and she pulled through. She was looking at us. She was in a Mercedes. She was looking right at us and a little iced coffee on the hood. That's the vibe there. It is.

I get really like fired up about all the like entitled people driving around there and then I go into therapy and I'm like all riled up most of the time going hot going really hot

come out completely like disoriented go buy a candle drive home yeah and then talk about the candle next week because there's always

something to talk about where you're like yeah I only do sessions like after a Raiders game is getting out you have to come into the stadium. I wonder if that therapist is in bed with the diptych people.

She's getting like a kickback. Oh, it's a candle kickback. It's a candle kickback scenario. From way back. Yeah, classic, classic, classic, classic. We're gathering here today not only to talk about our exploits on Larchmont, but also to fantasy draft things you only do on vacation.

Lily, this was your idea. It was there. What was the inspiration behind this? It's a fantastic topic. Um, well, so me and my husband got married over the pandemic, but we still haven't taken a honeymoon. So we're thinking about taking a honeymoon relatively soon. And I was just realizing like, you know, in doing research for it, like how I kind of fantasize about myself on vacation.

Like I'm a different person. And so I know I do stuff on vacation. I never do anywhere else. And it made me just like, be like, there's a lot there, I think. So this is like a little this is half fantasy draft half intention setting for you yeah exactly fantastic Sioux Falls

South Dakota great location for a honeymoon if you're in the market Sean you want to that's not true I know it don't do that if you're really if you're really in love then it's very true it'll really test how in love you are if you recommend that for a honeymoon destination and your partner enjoys it, it's meant to be.

That's how you know. If your marriage is strong, you'll have a good time there. You will have a great time in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Yes. Which is where I took my most recent vacation. So I'm going to be saying some crazy shit. I'm sure we're going to hear more about the charms of Sioux Falls, South Dakota in this fantasy draft. Before we get into that,

we need to determine the order of that draft, which we do via a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. The game within the game. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! My voice cracked a little bit because I felt

David winning. Every time I think you're not going to do it, you, shoot. My voice cracked a little bit because I felt David winning. Every time I think you're not going to do it, you do it. Yo, you know how many times that is at this point? Every time. It's every time. You still don't think I'm going to pull out paper? I seriously am like, he's not going to. You're like, no, he doesn't have that in the tool kit. Scissors this time.

You're like going to the Billy Joel concert and you think he's not going to play Piano Man. You're leaving and you're like, I can't believe he didn't play Piano Man. See, but that's the difference in mentality. I showed up for Piano Man. Yeah, he opens with Piano Man. That's why I left the fucking house, baby.

Are you kidding me? I don't give a shit about anything else. No, I would actually. He has a lot of hits. He does have some. Oh my God, Billy Joel? Other than Piano Man, what's your favorite Billy Joel song? Oh, okay.

Tell her about it. We didn't start the fire. There's a new one. Fall Out Boy did a new one with new lyrics. You know that? No, I don't ever need to hear that. New fires that have been started. I don't ever need that. They covered the song with different lyrics.

It's dope, dude. Give it a shot. Act like you don't like Fall Out Boy. I like a Fall Out Boy song. I know. I screamed it with you going down Melrose one time. That song rips. Near Larchmont, by the way. It crosses Larchmont at some point. I like Only the Good

Die Young. It's a great song. It's a fun one, too. I mean, the man's whole catalog. You know what I mean? It's bangers.'s a fun one too yeah yeah i mean the man's whole catalog you know what i mean it's bangers yeah what's that one where he says welcome back to the age of jive that's the guy i was looking to enemy into the age of all the people who i thought could usher me into that new era of the world it was billy Joel. William Joel, dude. David, as the winner of Rock Paper Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's

fantasy draft, but before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question is what that is. It's like shingling a roof. Got a new roof not that long ago. When you shingle a roof, you go all the way. So you start on one side, you go all the way across, and then you go up one, all the way across again to the other side up one all the way across again up one all the way

across until you're standing at the bottom thinking i bet i could do that you couldn't by the way you could not but i bet when i was watching them do my roof i was like damn i bet i could do that i couldn't shout out to nick nick knows i can. Nick Salazar knows I was about to say, I bet you talked about to Nick about this. I did. It's just like, no, it takes a long time.

You ran the idea by him. You're like, could I, could I have done this? Or do you beforehand? I've mentioned, I mentioned it to people when, cause it's,

I didn't know how expensive it was. And so I bring it up and I was like, could I just, I couldn't just like DIY that. And they're like, no, you don't want to, you don't want to. It's not worth it up and I was like, could I just, I couldn't just like DIY that and they're like, no, you don't want to. You don't want to try that. It's not worth fucking up, man. Of course not.

And also I'd fall off the roof. I asked these dudes, I was like, how many, I go, people fall off the roof, right? They have to fall off the roof and they're like, yeah. They said it like I was an asshole.

Like, yeah, they fall off the roof. Do they fall off the roof? Not ours. Also, they fall through the roof because we ours. Also, they fall through the roof because I had a guy fall through our roof in an apartment I lived in. Fully like half of his body

in the room. And the other half... Like Christmas vacation? Yeah, like I'm not kidding. That happened to a friend of mine at a party once. He was walking around the roof with some other people and he fell like through no yeah yeah yeah damn hilarious

he's so funny it was really really funny if that happened at a party I'd start tickling him you know he was in it was in a guy's room the guy was not partying so I guess the guy was like what the fuck what the fuck no it was like a guy's room. The guy was not partying. So I guess the guy was like, what the fuck?

What the fuck? Oh, no. Because there was like a dude coming through. Was it the guy? Did he live in a different apartment? Or was he just like a guy in that apartment who was like, I don't want to party tonight. I got to work in the morning. It was a house.

We were partying at this house. And, you know, just, you know, sometimes when you're a kid, oh oh some of them go up to the roof so they were walking around and Schroeder just fell right through there yeah there we go a name always helps and then this guy this fucking guy though was such a like he was like a he's a big construction farm guy so he

came over the next day and fixed it oh my god yeah wow we had a hole in our roof for like months. That seems like it's the worst. We got a house and big torque daddy was doing. So you ever do that shimmy thing? If a hallway is skinny enough where you put your feet on one side,

your back on the other and just shimmy up or across or whatever. Oh yeah. I do it all the time. Constantly. Yeah. It's fun. I'm doing it right he was doing that

he put a giant hole in the drywall the size of a back and then this was before we had any furniture in the house the size of a back

and then he's like I'll fix it dude never three years he never fixed it then I moved out someone else took over

my part of the lease never got fixed I mean probably six years never got fixed anyway fuck you Tori basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round fixed. Anyway, fuck you, Tori.

Basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. And so on. From the roof thing. I think everybody understood that. David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's fantasy draft be? Let's go Lily, me, Sean, Ian. I got one clear front-running pick. Yes, you do. I got one clear

front-running pick. Yes, you do. So do I. It's insane, but yeah. I wonder if you're going to get it. We're going to find out. Lily makes her first pick right after this short break. This episode of All

Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast, so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage.

Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything. but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously you want to be a little bit more careful about that, but how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go

to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. And they're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone

inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on. Probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new

language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do

you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way to learn a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools,

like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself. Don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out. Boom. You're done. And don't just try a word for word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University. Shout out, old ladies, alma mater and beyond. They prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which come on, that's a no brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there.

And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy. It's spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash all fantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. I mean, could I be better at transitions? It's got, I mean, it's really got to be,

it's really got to be awe-inspiring to watch. I'm blown away. Sean, I'm looking at you. You can't do it. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and anything. Fucking primanese sakes. Primanese sakes. 300 of these?

You got to get in the flow state. We're on the business end of 300 now. We're up there. Anyway, gosh, I'll get it right before we're done. Anyway, I'm chewing up time. We're on the business end of 300 now. It's like pretty near. We're up there. Yeah. Anyway, gosh, I'll get it right before we're done. Anyway, I'm chewing up time. I'm chewing the clock. Sorry. It's all right. Welcome back to All Fantasy. Everything already in progress. Bro.

I can't do eight years. I work with British people. I can't do a British accent. Fantasy. Like, hello. Yeah. Let's get the draft started right Tom's a weisting Tom's a weisting

right now yeah let's do it yeah let's go yeah once every three or four episodes we do like to sort of just chase away any

British listeners we may have accrued. And thank you all for participating in that one. So much Love Island that I can't have a normal conversation anymore. You could only do an Essex. Is that the one where they can't touch each other? No.

You know what I'm talking about? Where they're all banging and they just can't touch? Yes, yes, yes yes they're touch free banging there's one too hot to handle that's the whole thing they're on this island and they think they're all going to get down and then this like robot comes on and they're like none of you can touch each

other and if you do everybody loses money it's so buck and then people still do of course touch each other because they get hammered and they're young and hot. It's a great watch. Is it per touch or like once you're at it? So every time, dude, they'll open up. So like you

kissing is one thing. Petting is one thing. Sex is a big thing. So it's all fines from this big pot you have. But every now and again, this robot will come on and be like, you have 15 minutes. It's like a mad dash it's tight it is insane and they're all just so young and so hot you're like jesus and rice what are you doing it's very funny to go just feel super rich like already super rich and just go on there and bone away everyone's money what do i care yeah i don't care squander

the pot for everybody just timothy chalamet shows up on the island. Just eat the poor, you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Some men want to watch the world burn. All right. They can eat cake. I'll be eating something else. For 15 minutes.

It is almost like 15. So multiple times then. Ties will be great. Yeah, we're back. Lily, it is time for your first pick. Your first pick in your All Fantasy Everything tenure. Okay.

I'm going to start with this one. And that is walking inside of a church. I literally never ever would do that except for on vacation.

Don't go near them in my daily life. I have no reason to be in them and yet on vacation I'm in them all the time. It's beautiful in here. Wow, church. I should go to more abbeys. It doesn't sound insane.

You're on vacation. Someone's like, go check out the church. If someone said that in your hometown, you'd be like, what? What do you think? What do you think I'm doing out here? Exactly. Exactly. Trying to get me to vote a certain way?

What's going on here? We just went. I did my honeymoon in Italy with my wife just last May. We went to multiple churches in every city. There wasn't a day we weren't in the church. We're both Jews. There was a time when we wouldn't have been allowed in these churches. And we were willingly walking in.

I was literally raised like no religion at all. I mean, we would celebrate Christmas. It was like my dad was like Orthodox or is Greek Orthodox. I mean, I, we would celebrate Christmas. It was like, my dad was like Orthodox or is Greek Orthodox, I guess, technically, but like only celebrates like with food and Christmas. So I, I like never went to church growing up ever. And apparently I was like, I had this whole thing where I really wanted to go to church one time. And I made my, I think it was because I literally bought a dress and I wanted to wear it in a church and made my dad take me there. And then I cried and we never went inside. Just like you got overwhelmed with the spirit of the Lord outside.

I was literally blown away, blown to tears. I get it. I get it. Churches are beautiful. churches are beautiful they're also so scary they're so scary to me how are they scary? there's always like very graphic scenes of like Jesus being like yeah

the big catholic ones like in Sioux Falls the big cathedral he's like got a spear sticking out of his wrist I mean it's so graphic and it's right next to the boiler room where the only bathroom was so when you're a kid you gotta go downstairs you go by this crazy thing of this dude getting murked and then into the boiler room to go to the bathroom and then you have to

I don't know I always thought I was gonna get drugged back down when I was walking back up the stairs like they have access to hell yeah I got out of hell it's a church yeah that's where the gate to hell is they protect it that's where they gate to hell is and they protect it that's where they build churches on hell gates in the boiler room i'll buy it yeah it is a lot of torture the imagery of him like like all the like bleeding and stuff too i'm like we don't i

don't need to see that part and he's always so gaunt like they didn't have food in like in israel like at the turn of the millennium they always seemed wet i'm like a wet savior yeah sweaty and wet i guess if you're like carrying your own cross like you're gonna work up a sweat oh that's big cardio yeah that's big cardio that's hit that's like a high impact interval training like they do it in orange theory yeah they cross carries yeah yeah they have other you can carry a hat i heard carry a hat when you're leaving they go high five gets you out the door like i went to orange theory once elisa my little sister was a big orange theory person and that that it's there's cult vibes in an orange no about that and i'm pretty i'm pretty positive i still i'd be like dog i did the i did the workout i think you might

love it i think you might i think yeah i'll to an Orange Theory class with you next time I'm in Portland. We got, Laura found a treadmill on the side of the road, and it was too heavy to put the car, so her brother rolled it to our house. We have a treadmill now. You got a treadmill now? Damn, that's a good ground score. Yeah, for after shows, because you get done at like, whatever, 11, come home, and I can't go on a walk because Max, you know,

they're all asleep. So, yeah, I'm excited. We got a a treadmill so you gotta do something with that energy yeah you do man you just sit and like try not to drink just because you know so it's like yeah there's not a lot of places for that energy to go so yeah just go walk around watching friday night lights i've been putting it into watching Top Boy. Dude, I've heard so many good things about Top Boy. I thought you told me about Top Boy. I did. Okay, you're re-watching it? The new season just came out. We don't need to go deep

into it. Sorry, sorry. We never deviate. We are deviating. British The Wire? Easiest way to explain that? What are we talking here? I think that's reasonable. Produced by Drake. It's a lot of fun.

I love it. The way they talk is infectious. So it's British. So they're like, yeah, what's up, tough boy? But they're like, oh, man's on road. Where's my grub? Isn't it? Where's bruv Omar? Here's my pager, bruv. Here's my pager. It's not in the 90s.

Mad safe. It's not. The wireager, bruv. Is my pager. It's not in the 90s. Mad safe. It's not. The wire was, bruv. The wire was pager. This ain't the wire. It's top boy, yeah. All you Brits, listen to Brit's podcast.

You guys pretty much get it. Did you see that new Celine Dion music video where she's in the khakis? Proper safe,, bro. What do people do when they're doing American accents? Do they still go like, hi, Baywatch in the mall?

I like American cigarettes. A lot of Brits will do like in I'm walking here Italian accent. I think because that's like the most at least that I've heard. And then like then they'll also just do very loud. Yeah.

Which is ridiculous because the Brits are also very loud. I heard one, the one guy go, he's like, I would like some butter and water. He does. I would like some butter and water. You love butter and water. Yeah, that was emailed it. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes they're good at it.

Yeah, he must be a health nut. Drinking our fucking bulletproof water in the mornings. We're all doing CrossFit. We're waking up for Orange Theory pounding our butter water. Butter water. Butter water gets you out the door, bro. Sean, at what percentage of you is worried that this treadmill is haunted? Ooh, that's a good question.

Side of the road. Functional treadmill? What's going on? Fully functional? Like somebody was making a jackass video and they broke their neck on it or something? I don't know. Or there's a spirit who lives in the treadmill. It's fair.

I'd say it's fairly functional. I don't want to say fully. I bet you that it goes. So I bet you there's some, some heart rate goals that I won't be able to hit on the machine aspect of it, but like it moves until you've got a little laptop, little laptop spot. Yeah. 20% haunted.

I'd say. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Not enough for me to not get on there and tread. Yeah. Now that's reasonable to take it to your home. 20% haunted, I'd say. Wow. Okay. Not enough for me to not get on there and tread. That's reasonable to take it to your home. 20%? It's in the garage. It ain't in the home. There's a lot of haunted shit in the garage.

Also, a 12-pack of Hard Mountain Dew in the garage right now. Got that baby coughing in there. I told you guys I found one, right? I found them at Fred Mizzle. I found a Hard Mountain Dew. I don't think they're that hard to find. Do they got them in Denver? Because if they don't, I'm bringing some.

We're all drinking them. I got to tell you the truth. I haven't looked, big dog. Yeah, I'm going to bring three. I'm going to bring six. We got two podcasts. I will drink them. Lily, Sean has had more Mountain Dews varieties in his life than vegetables.

Just as we're to get you up to speed on what's going on here in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mountain Dew is dope, man. Say whatever you want. This is like an alcoholic version of Mountain Dew? Yep.

That's a great way to put it. An alcoholic would get this version of Mountain Dew. They were looking at the drink space and they were like, how do we fill the void the old Four Local left? Yeah. Where do we put some more points? We're making this for the guy who's on his treadmill

in his garage. They wanted to make, they felt like the alcohol market was missing something exclusively for people trying to get a DUI. Exactly. Where they're like,

all my friends have one. How do I get one? Yeah. If you've had too much to drink and you don't really feel like driving, just have a hard Mountain Dew. You'll're like, all my friends have one. How do I get one? Yeah. If you've had too much to drink and you don't really feel like driving, just have a hard Mountain Dew. You'll feel like driving. Some of these churches

aren't even that interesting. No. Most of them aren't. Most of them aren't. It's like this is an old... By the time I was done with Italy, I was so fucking tired of seeing wooden triptychs of Jesus.

Or they were also really, really excited about John the Baptist. They love John the Baptist. Now, these churches you're going to, though, they have a lore, right? I mean, there's like some, you know, what's like one of the dankest things that happened at a church, or undankest,

or buckest in a bad way? Like, what's the one that... That was a wild sentence. I was on the same page. I was like, yes, uh-huh, well... Interesting. If you go to, like,

oh, what is the one, like, in the middle of London that's super old? Oh, my God. Westminster Abbey? Westminster Abbey. Westminster Abbey Westminster Abbey Westminster Abbey like that one it has just like all sorts of interesting

people are buried at it and it's yeah I thought it was I like Westminster I actually that one was pretty cool and it's like a big gothic type church

that's a rad one yeah it was also just the seat of power for like I think an interesting thing to do in every city

forgive me if I've said this before is to kind of look at what building, like what was the impetus behind their greatest building or the one that they're known for. And you can usually go like art, it's either art, religion, or government. And if you go to Europe, it's, it's all religion, almost every city. Cause that's where like all the power came from so like Notre Dame like their most in like in Paris like that's their most beautiful building and then like Westminster Abbey or Big Ben I guess is government in England you know like whatever you want to

parse it out but like it's just an interesting experiment when you go to any city like Barcelona's religion you know the coolest church I went to was in, I think in Sicily, there was like this, this underneath the church is like a catacomb. And it was like when in the, like, I feel like in the twenties or something, it was like stylish for people to rich people when they would die, they'd like hang their bodies on, I don't know, like hang them and drain them. So all the bodies are like almost like raisins and they're wearing their like full clothes and everything it's totally fucked up but i was it's kind of like one of those windows into like whatever like a fad of like you know rich people

dying and then being powerful and tied to the church and like all that it's totally messed up like they're church salami They're in there forever. They are. They're just hanging in the window. The prosciutto. They're like aging. The Sicilian church prosciuttos. I don't think you're allowed to say that anymore.

I can say Sicilian. I think if Italians can play Jews, I'm allowed to say Sicilian church prosciuttos. It's been like a hundred years. I feel like you can say what you want, right? What a wild trend. I guess that's like their version of like, I want to be buried in the roots of a tree kind of thing. Walking inside of a church,

definitely something we only do on vacations. David Boyd, time for your first pick. Sorry, Sean, but I have, it's just, see what done, you really get where it's like okay I'm thinking morning drinking yeah oh just like yeah I'm gonna have one we're eating a big breakfast I'm gonna have one absolutely it's like because it's so weird it's such a weird thing to

do in general you know what I mean like drinking drinking in the morning, it's very odd, but like with vacation, it's okay. Or like you ever been camping? Oh, I think it just turns into morning drinking. Camping is crazy. Cause when you're camping,

you don't even like, you're just like, no, I'll have a beer this morning. Yeah. Go ahead. Lily. I was just going to say,

it's like, everyone's like, okay with it. There's I was just going to say, it's like, everyone's like, okay with it. There's not that like same, like, I think when you have a drink in the morning at any other time, there's this like undertone of it, like sadness and judgment. And on vacation, you just don't get that at all. So it's like, the rest of your day is your own. It's what you've set the day to be.

So if you want to keep it, if you don't want to drive, you don't have to drive. There's nothing that's going to mean you have to drive anywhere. You don't even have to call it brunch on vacation. You know how we all do that? We all tell that lie where it's just like, no, I'm at brunch. It's okay if I'm drinking. You can straight up drink at breakfast knowing you

have lunch plans. 100%. But camping, you're right, is especially insane because if you're at a resort or you're in Paris or whatever, you're going to get a breakfasty drink. You'll drink a fucking Coors.

Not even a Coors Light. We just went to a wedding and we camped a couple nights. We were in the hotel, but we weren't camping, but we were at a wedding, camping vibes. Yeah, I got up and we were in the hotel, but we weren't camping, but we were at a wedding camping vibes. Yeah, I got up and we were just like, just cracking a beer while we're walking around getting dressed in the morning. And everyone's like, yeah, it's going to be beers all day, little light beers all day. And then you get into the homemade margs at night.

I feel like camping, you get away with it too, because it's like, there's a big aspect of work. You know what I mean? So you're like, I'm working. I can also be, but I big aspect of work you know what i mean so you're like i'm working i can also be but i'm on vacation you know what i mean so i can start drinking a beer yeah i gotta load up the cooler or whatever we gotta get the boat ready or whatever whatever we're doing today we're kind of working so like yeah i can have a beer i gotta wash these dishes yeah it feels almost like life or death a little bit. You're in survival mode out there. You're building a camp.

You're making your own food. You're like you against the wilderness. You deserve a beer. And you deserve it at 7 a.m. or whenever you want to have it. Yeah, first light, really. Yeah. Because you can't sleep in because you slept in a fucking tent. Just that hot morning in a tent feeling.

Somehow hot. It's freezing all night. It was three degrees at night so you're wearing a hoodie over a sweatshirt over your regular clothes. You slept in jeans because they were the warmest pants you had. And then you wake up and it's the surface of the sun and you've been beer sweating into this tent all night. There's not a more unpleasant way to wake up. It it's the surface of the sun and you've been like beer sweating into

this tent all night there's not a more unpleasant way to wake up i don't think camping is even fun till you've been awake for like three hours yeah yeah no it's pretty miserable actually it's like pretty brutal and like let me get my morning routine i walk up this hill to shower yeah in a place i don't want to be naked for sure. Drinking that coffee that's like feels gravelly because there's so many grounds in it. Because you made it in that like percolator that your grandfather like had in World War II. To the point where you're like, is it bad? Are coffee grounds bad?

Are they going to hurt me? Like the grounds? I've asked people before. Like, is it? You can drink them, right? You can feel your heart right now, right? I can feel my heart. You can feel your heart. It's not like a little pop rock going right into my left vent, like, is it, can you, you can drink them, right? You can feel your heart right now, right? I can feel my heart. You can feel your heart.

It's not like a little pop rock going right into my left ventricle, is it? Morning drinking. Definitely something you only do on vacation. Ideally, something you only do on vacation. Or at the airport. Yes. Yeah. And that's it.

But that's like a vacation in and of itself. I don't, I kind of, I don't like being drunk on planes anymore. Fortunately, that ship is fully docked with me, my friend. It doesn't even look like it's going to sail away anytime soon. It's really warm. It's kind of turned into a hotel. It doesn't sail anymore. It's like firmly at port.

It's just like a houseboat. I feel like I discovered like drinking on planes, like really late in life. Like it was weird. Like something like, I just didn't understand that. Like I could do it. And that was like, okay. I think again, it's like you're in survival mode. You're like, it's the most miserable time of your life flying in my, for me.

And, um, so like, why not? Yeah. Having a drink really does make it easier, but at the same time, it ruins the rest of your day in my experience too. That's the problem. It fucks your whole shit up. Yeah. And like in an oddly serious way,

I'm trying to figure out how to navigate that because I'm terrified to fly. So what I've been doing is fly in a day early and that's just not practical for all these shows. You cannot fly in a day early.

Yeah, you can. They'll cut you right on the room. Sometimes they'll just take it out of you. Yeah, it's just, I think about Mac, like I'm gone and I got a kid. You have anti-anxiety medications. You need to use them. We have beta blockers. It's called Jack Daniels.

Beta blockers are the way. I take a beta blocker almost every day. I've heard about beta I've heard people say things like before you like if you're before you're set if you're super nervous or something

beta blockers and stuff it's kind of like you know anti-anxiety medication essentially so it's just like it like turns turns off parts of your brain that are normally going like

oh my god I'm gonna die this is the worst thing of my life sounds great for that's what it is it's fun it's nice yeah

yes three double Jamesons will do the same thing I'll let you try one of my go all Sounds great. It's fun. It's nice. Yeah. Yes. Three double Jamesons will do the same thing. I'll let you go all the other way too. Yeah. It'll get you excited. Be like,

woohoo, the bumps. That's crazy too. Maybe a little lit, lit on a plane. I'll be like, woohoo. This is funny.

I'm going to give you one of my beta blockers and I want you to try to take it before a flight. Sounds Jack Daniels. I will. Well, yeah, I never, never the two shall meet. Yeah. Um, blockers and i want you to try to take it before a flight sans jack daniels i will well yeah i never never the two shall meet yeah um i think you're allowed to drink on beta blockers let's not even speculate on it sean jordan time for your first pick what's something you said you had a first

pick i know and i feel mine it seems like it's on the board. Yeah, it is. I feel bad now. It just feels dirty. Should I switch it? No. What do you mean? We're all adults here. Having sex in beds that aren't yours. Oh, yeah.

That's cool, man. Absolutely. Why don't you feel bad? I don't know, because I just met Lily. I don't know. I just feel bad. It just feels like a harsh thing to say. I trust.

She totally thought you were a virgin. When I heard you had a kid i was like wow he's had sex before that's awesome she tried to walk into a church and started crying i think we can talk about sex it it's funny how quick you can get to it in a bed that you're just like man i have no idea i have no idea and then you do have a big idea what's happening you know what i mean like you don't you clot you cloud it but then you're like no i got a pretty pretty goddamn good idea what's happened down here in every every bed you've ever been in on vacation or are you talking about the body count of said bed the body count of said bed yeah oh yeah lots of it's yeah yeah deep it's almost like

it's such a the beds are so disgusting. Like, you need, you have to, like, add to the chaos. I mean, you're going to sleep in it. They're like one of those guest books at a really popular Airbnb. You know what I mean? Where you're like, look at all the names in here. Oh, my God, this is great. Like, oh, my God, they were in The Sopranos, that person. That was crazy.

You have to add your lyric to the epic poem of people having schnupping on that bed. You have to add your lyrics to the epic poem of people having schnupping on that bed. Yeah, I mean, it's just, I wouldn't say dream of it. Rarely would I think about doing it at someone's house or something, you know? But on vacation. Yeah, that's way different. Well, it is, but it's like not at an Airbnb or something. You're like at someone's house. Oh, I thought you meant like at a dinner party.

That would be pretty wild. Yeah, we'll take dinner in the guest room. They're like serving the entree and you're in their bathroom. You tell them to like, excuse us, we're going to go have sex in your guest room. You said this is a dinner party. Right now, it just looks like dinner., we're going to go have sex in your guest room. You said this is a dinner party right now. It just looks like dinner. So we're going to do our part. I noticed there's no lock on the door to your study.

So I would feel irresponsible not letting you know we're going to be. Yeah, it's just it's always the wildest thing to me. I always. Yeah, it's just not the dirtiness like adds to the kinkiness in my brain. It's like, you know, there's like a sense of like being bad, but you aren't really being that bad at the end of the day. You're just having sex in like a hotel. Yeah, in like a closed environment.

Nobody can come in. You have the sign on the door. What's the ideal strata of sheets? You know what I mean? Are you doing this on the top top sheet or you pulling one back to something you know they washed like what depends on how on it is you hope they wash i mean i've heard the top bed thing they never wash and that's what i hear too so i'm always taking that thing off yeah i know that you mean you mean the garnish of the bed not the comforter the little the little foot thingy at the bottom what do you call all the layers of the bed shot the top layer is the garnish is it the garnish or is it the brat i'm sleeping on the brat you know i think i just know that i'm the

mustard baby i'm sleeping on the bun i like take the full mattress off like i'm just yeah on that bed frame rigid on the bed frame i don't think they ever washed the garnish for sure and i don't think that comforter is getting much love either dude didn't know that yeah are they washing it less post-covid too i was reading something about that they do a lot of things i mean that you don't get room service now unless you want it which i never wanted it anyway so but like that's a post-covid thing right service with you not room service i don't mean to say room service i meant to say uh the daily cleaning they don't do that now unless you ask for it yeah yeah yeah no not room service um i will say though i went one time i had a hotel

that had a leather couch on it and i was like never in a million years am i even gonna sit on that couch no because that's where that's where the freaks come out at night. That thing's covered in semen, for sure. Yeah. I don't like leather couches anyways. I don't either, man. The stickiest couch on earth. It's bad when it's hot.

It's bad when it's cold. What are we doing here? It's noisy. I need a noisy couch. Bro, just call your wife. Take it back. Yeah. It is.

My dad got a fucking leather couch after the divorce. I had to go sleep on a leather couch. It is a condo. In a condo. It is like literally strictly men that I know who have leather couches. What is this like masculine? Also, it makes you sweat. Like I'm like, why am I sweating all the time when I'm on them?

None of us like them. I don't get it. Nobody likes it. It's a shitty couch. No. Yeah, I think it was one of those big swings that nobody was like, had the gumption to be like, I don't like this in the late 80s whenever they were banging.

We got rid of water beds though. You don't see those anymore. No. Which is a bummer. It's a shame. I had a water bed. They should come back. Yeah, they were dank, man.

Your hotel should have one waterbed where it's just like... It should be a crapshoot, too. You don't know if you're getting it. Just for one night. Your hotel should have an under the sea room where you sleep on a waterbed. Yes. And there's an aquarium. There's a mirror on the ceiling.

Distant steel drum music. A wisecracking Jamaican lobster. Mermaid costumes. Yeah. You should be in one of those huge human fish tanks where people swim by with a little air tube every now and then. Stunning. Love it. Whose pick is it?

Yours. Oh, my God. Back to back. It's like that roofing explanation. Oh, it's like the roofing explanation. So you get it. Oh, it's like the roofing situation. Okay. This might be specific to me,

but every time I go on vacation, Look in the mirror and be like, Hey, Ian, you're dope. Oh my God. That's Ian Carmel. I, anytime I'm on vacation and the exact item varies,

but I always go into silly hat mode when I'm on vacation. Oh, yeah. I thought of this one, too. I actually have it on my list. You're right on with that. I bought a bucket from Brazil. I get you. I'm saying.

Because nobody knows you. It's like college. You can just reinvent yourself for a week or whatever. If I'm walking down the street in my neighborhood wearing a bucket hat, and don't get me wrong, I've done it. I'll do it again. But the whole time my neighborhood wearing like a bucket hat and don't get me wrong, I've done it. I'll do it again. But the whole time I am thinking about that bucket hat. I'm like, if someone sees me and they know I'm not a bucket hat and they're going to know.

Hats are a finicky, finicky business. I feel like a hat can make me feel like an asshole so fast. So fast. Also, I would add that I'm so much less judgmental of these idiot hats when I see them out and about on vacation.

Like, normally, if I saw someone in a fedora at this point, I'd be like that they're mentally unwell. Yeah. But like now, on vacation,

I'm like, awesome. You live your life. I'm asking questions. I'm like, is that a true me, my man? Exactly. That might be the prime minister of Poland, for all I know. Who am I to sit here and judge that guy?

They have a prime minister? I don't know what they're doing in Poland, dude. I don't know. I haven't kept my mouth shut. I know it takes a lot of them to screw in a light bulb. That's what I know. That's the main thing we know. That's the main thing we know.

When I was in France, I did a straw hat. Like, we were in Provence, and I bought, like, a straw hat. As you should. Good job. I should have left it there. I brought it back, and, like, I can't, where am I going to wear that? Where are you going to go? On vacation.

Are you going to go to Gelson's? What's even weird? Gelson's Bar. Yeah. I mean okay well actually we're talking about the Gelson's bar maybe I will

Gelson's bar you would fit right in wearing my straw hat I saw Ian at the Grove I think he was wearing a straw hat everyone would drink no no no

just go to Best Buy you sitting at the Gelson's bar in that hat everyone would be like that guy is trying to fuck absolutely that is an open

for business sign. A straw hat at the Gelson's bar? Try to pick up some strange at the Gelson's bar. I'm just trying to be part of the narrative on a woman's third divorce. Yeah, that guy's got a leather couch and he's never considered selling. Asking people what they're

up to at the grocery store. What are you up to? I need a, what is it, a Venn diagram of men who wear fedoras and leather couches. I have a feeling there's a huge crossover. I think it's just a circle. It's a circle, yeah. I think they're both. That's an eclipse right there.

My older, I have to say, I have to throw this into the leather couch discussion. My older sister bought a leather couch and she swears by it. But it's also very nice leather, and it's very... She got it on Facebook Marketplace, and it's really well-worn. It looks like these cows died before the internet existed. It's like a catcher's mitt.

It's like a catcher's mitt. And that, it's, I'll say it, and I'm sorry to use this word on a podcast, but it's sumptuous. We have a big leather

movable ottoman that's like pretty legit. It's a hell of an old... Carl's coming from inside the house over here. Yeah, that's right. You're a leather couch guy. Yeah, yeah.

Come on. No, I am not. You were faking the funk on all this leather couch talk. I could smell it on you. You are one of us. He's literally sitting in it right now. He's sitting in it right now? I'm definitely have pants on and I'm not sitting on my leather couch.

You want us to call you Wilson's because you like leather so much? What's going on? This guy's the leather expert. Yeah, dude. I've wanted you to call me Wilson's for years, way before my leather or whatever upset, whatever. I've wanted you to call me Wilson's forever, dude.

Wilson's Jordan. Weather leather. Weather leather, dude? I feel like there's a big difference for me between a professorial leather couch and professorial leather couch and then the leather couch that I have

in my brain when someone says leather couch. Oh, for sure. I almost like don't put them in the same category. No, academia's got its own style of leather. Absolutely. Yeah, definitely. And I would put, it sounds like your sister's couch, and maybe we'll throw the ottoman in there, are giving me more of

that worn professorial vibe. But maybe I'm wrong. My sister's couch and maybe we'll throw the ottoman in there are giving me more of a that warren professorial vibe but maybe i'm wrong my sister's couch definitely is sean's uh i don't have one he wears he wears a leather jacket when he sits on leather shorts too excuse me professor does the couch match the elbows? I hate the way that felt when you said it. You weren't on the other one, but the other one the other day, I was going, my tummy hurts. I don't like it either. I'm sick to my stomach. Yeah, see, it's the cow eating its tail it's like the dog catching its tail it does what it's supposed to do i digress fun hats vacation hats you gotta get

yourself a vacation on about the hats i wear i have i went on a trip to columbia bought a big hat there never ever wear it in the united states and also also it's, I can't travel with it either because then I'm carrying this big fucking hat with me. Big. Big hat. Now you're a hat in the airport person,

which is a whole other, you got it strapped to your backpack or something. You see those people. You see those people at the airport. There's literally no other way to carry it around.

You'd have to have like a hat box, which is absolutely like, do they even make them anymore? It's like, that's my carry-on. Now I got a backpack and a hat box. I got to walk past every row until I get to mine with a hat box. It looks like a hat box.

They definitely bought those hats. They definitely bought it like a Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville, may he rest in peace. But they're like gigantic straw, like jagged. You're like, you're bringing that home? When are you wearing that at home? But I did it at home. You know, unfortunately, I worked on a cruise ship for Second City for a while there.

Oh, yeah. And I saw some of the most messed up hats. And I would add like specific T-shirts, like T-shirts with writing on them. Like my kids think I'm their ATM kind of thing. Can we say that that's the worst thing Americans do? Yeah. T-shirts with stuff on them. It's like the worst thing we got.

Like I didn't notice it till going overseas more. And then you're just like, oh, only we have asshole t-shirts. No, no, it's not just us because I, when I was in Italy,

I saw so many einstein maybe they were selling these to american tourists maybe but it was like einstein with like arm sleeve tattoos or like einstein is or like the mona lisa as the joker like stuff like that i think they were selling them to either Americans or like definitely like Russian block tourists. I couldn't see anyone else buying those. But even those are different than like, if you can read this, the bitch fell off. Yeah. Oh, my God.

That shit's insane. The stuff that says like Mike's property is like across the ass of like a pair of shorts that a girl is supposed to wear. That kind of like the really misogynistic stuff and so many racist shirts too and they're just being sold like it's psychotic and like people and then I mean I saw some shirt that said like I have the pussy I make the rules

I have the dick I make the rules like or you know like Why does it say pussy on your shirt I know there's never a reason we're at breakfast it's insane

I'm trying to get drunk at breakfast it says pussy on your shirt what if you died wearing that I mean and then your ghost is just wearing I have the pussy

I make the rules shirt for eternity then you died like you lived but then you're also like most of them are on fucking vacation with their family and you're like what are you But then you're also like, most of them are on fucking vacation with their family. And you're like, what are you doing?

Wearing that shirt with like your mom and your dad and your aunt and your uncle and like your nieces and nephews. Like what is wrong with you? It's shocking. You're like, if my kid can read, if my kid's old enough to read, they're going to ask me what that means.

I got to explain. I got to spend any minute of a day explaining that. Why somebody would have and try to stick up for you. So my kid doesn't lose hope right away. Now you got to get into bell hooks and sexual politics with your daughter. She's three, two, you know, like Max is two. I'm having a rough time unpacking that book at 36. I'll tell you that much.

Yeah. No, you're 28. You got to wait until you're 36. Yeah. David's the young one. He's 28. I'm 29. Sean's 32. My guy. I'm the waste it. Oh, that's true. I'm 28. Yeah. David's the young one. He's 28. I'm 29. Sean's 32. We're all the same. I'm the young one.

That's how we talk. I'm actually only, I'm like 20. So like I'm the same as you guys. I'm way young. That's crazy. I'm 42 in October. I'm loving every minute of it. I just love anime and K-pop. Yeah, dude. I'm in on all that. I like Bob Seger and a nice steak

that's what i like but that's what the young kids are into no they're not my guy they do say my guy though they say my guy big kid thing unless they're raising you up and then they leave it to the side i think that's already passed us by man god damn it it moves so fast it does i don't know some of these kids at the skate it's the only way i can hear it is these kids at the skate park i was announcing a skate contest yesterday with an 18 year old wait what yeah i saw you two days ago you didn't tell me about this i announced a skate contest in newberg yesterday it was very fun that's sick yeah it was amazing wow shout out to the Newburgh Skate Comp.

But yeah, this kid was next to me and he was just saying versions of this would be like nice, crunchy front five on the left. I bet you were amazing. I thought it was only for mountain climbers. I bet you were amazing at it. Were you amazing at it? I thought you did a great job.

I love doing it because I know exactly what I'm talking about. That's what I'm saying. This should be thought you did a great job i love doing it because i know exactly what i'm talking about and i don't sound like a tool this should be something you do a lot i yeah you should start an au for skateboarding yeah yeah i would love to i tried i mean there's street league there's like i tried to find a way in to get to like announce for these contests but they're you know they take old pro skateboarders which i get yeah we gotta kill sal masakala man he was just on the nightclub. That dude has an interesting life. That guy.

I just listened to like a three-hour interview with him. Goes by Selema now. Anyway, nobody wants to hear about this. David and I, we can talk about it. Another one of those self-loving Jews, huh? No. No. No.

I didn't think Salma Akela was Jewish. I had my suspicions. That's a weird way to say it. I think he might be hiding something. You know that's on a t-shirt somewhere in Mexico. The yarmulkes are to hide the horns. Anyway, this is my mother.

She makes all the rules. She makes all the rules. You can tell by her shirt. If you want to know why, take a look at her torso. Yeah, exactly. This is tangential. I'm putting pina coladas

as my second pick yes oh yeah I don't dare you to order one fruity drinks in general fruity drinks in general I'll get like I'll go to a

like if I go to like one of these like a farm to table restaurant or whatever and they have like a cocktail list I'll get you know what I mean

I'll explore the cocktail list but you're not gonna find me drinking a fucking pina colada anywhere but on vacation. Does it have to be nice out? Or can it be like a rainy vacation in Jolly Old or something? You and him going to England for the piña coladas?

You can see a big bed and you're like, let me get a piña colada, bro. That's nuts. A piña colada. You know what would wash down these beans? These beans. A piña colada. You know what would wash down these beans? A pina colada. These beans. A pina colada?

That's an English breakfast. A pina colada and some toast and... Toast chips and a pina colada. Now, this is funny. A pina colada. Now, see, this isn't offensive at all. No. They don't care.

It's actually good to talk about other cultures like this in an admiring way. We're really giving it to them today. I apologize. Giving it to Roger and we are. Sorry for the Roger-ing. A beanie colada might. Here's the thing about a beanie colada. A beanie colada? Here's the thing about it.anie colada really good protein this feels like you're talking about diarrhea

here's is once it's done you feel so much better is it might be good if you could wrap your head around it in a bloody mary sort of way a beanie a be wrap my head around it. It's like a savory drink. It's baked beans, it's bacon, and it's rum. I hate this. Oh no, it's fine. I'd be fine with that. That might be okay. There's beans in it?

The drinking of the beans. You drink it with a boba straw. This is my question. In your brain, in the vina colada, is it all blended? Like, are the beans blended together? Not mine. You're saying no.

Am I sipping it loose beans? I'm sipping it through a straw and like whole beans are popping in my mouth. Again, it's a boba straw. Oh, God. That makes me want to die. Yeah. And then it has like a cornba straw. Oh, God. That makes me want to die. Yeah. And then it has like a cornbread garnish.

This sucks. Mashed potato gravy and a chicken strip. Blend that up and then put some rum in there. I think that would be amazing. What are you saying? No, that's gross. I think that would be fantastic. I hate you.

I fucking hate you. That's gross. What's the difference? Bacon, fine. Bacon has made its way into beverages. You've never had a scotch with a steak or bourbon with a steak? Blend them all together, man. That's not what you're talking about.

Okay, so let's blend a steak up and some mashed potatoes and some bourbon. That would be great. I just want to say, we in the Beanie Collada community, we reject this. You're at Beanie Collada's and you reject Big Beanie? The Beanie colada community rejects this weird blended up breakfast drink. The piña colada community is so small.

It's insane. It's me and then however many people live in England. I'm going to take a baked potato, blend it up, put some tequila in there and call it a pojito. So there you go. The pojito. So there you go. The pojito community loves this. That's not bad at all.

Probably blending of potatoes is the most I could get after like a savory thing being blended and me eating it. Drinking it. Excuse me. Boozy mash potato. We had a buddy who worked at a grill and chill. He's the one that told us the difference between a Dairy Queen and a grill and chill. Like, I don't think there's a difference but he claims there was we asked him to make us a chicken strip blizzard but he put ice cream in it and we're like i didn't mean that i meant so he put chicken strips gravy and ice cream together what did you think what i wanted just the i wanted

the gravy to be the the the liquid part so like i, I feel like once you say blizzard, that's on you, bro. How do you not know what you meant by that? It was so obvious. Yeah. When you said chicken strip blizzard, what's he a dillard? You got to take some ownership on that one.

I think. And I love you. I love you. I love you too. Pina coladas. I'm not drinking them anywhere but vacation. It seems like an absurd thing to get when you're going to be in your house later. You know, actually, it's funny you say that because I was in Chicago for like a day and

we stayed at this hotel, like a nice hotel for one night. And we're like, let's go up to the pool. And it was June. And it, you know, I'm from Chicago originally. So I was like, it's got to be like nice enough. But it was like freezing. Yeah. But we still sat on the pool deck, like wrapped in towels.

Goddamn right you did. And ordered pina coladas. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was June and you're on vacation. What are you supposed to do? And they haven't heard the good news about the pina colada yet, which is served hot. Thank you for asking.

Oh. Just a piping hot pina colada. Oh, I'm getting so mad. Honestly, hot is better than cold, I think. If it was cold, I would really puke. It's sort of hot. You just went and rake you, Vic,

and then you just slam your piña colada. You know what? We're going to get to... Well, no, actually, that is two of my picks. We're going to get to Sean's second pick

right after this other short break. This episode of all Fantasy Everything is brought to you by and pick right after this other short break. partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. They're products, they're backed by science and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest

days and you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to

be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care routines, some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to

the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. And when you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time, get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself. You just have to prioritize it. It happens. You can talk to someone, get a new set of ears on it, and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything. And if you're thinking of starting, go on and get

better help a try. Give it a shot. It helps for learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things that are extremely important. It's all online. It's convenient, flexible. They suit to your schedule. Go on and fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for zero additional charge. They got your back. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash all fantasy all right we're back uh on this episode of all fantasy everything hopefully everybody is enjoying their piping hot beanie coladas because

it's time for sean's second you see that almost fell out of my i'm sitting still and i just almost did you see that you almost fell out of your leather couch yes my feet got tangled oh wait i forgot to do our credit uh sean is jordan on twitter sean cougar mel and jordan on instagram sean where can people see you do stand up october 29th i'm recording a special at mississippi studios in portland oregon there's 27 tickets left for the late show i found out yesterday so get on those ian says no one's coming he's full of shit they are shows might as well be november 30th through december 2nd i'll be with a one Ian Carmel opening, but somehow doing better in Vancouver with you at the house of comedy. Also high note comedy, more than Oregon. Now my feelings are hurt.

Last Thursday of every month. We're taking a break in October because of my special. In November, we're working on someone who you'll love. You can also see me at the tiny house bar November 16th, Omaha, Nebraska. I've added a late show because the first show sold out. So cop some tickets. There's a small amount left, like 20 or something. So get on that. And all fantasy, everything. We are coming to Phoenix. We're going to come February 1st through the 3rd. We're doing standup on the 1st. We're doing standup in a podcast, live podcast on the 2nd and then standup on the 3rd. So tickets are going to go on sale soon. If they're not already, we will keep you posted on all of our socials, but make sure you come

check us out on the road in Phoenix and hopefully more dates to come. But other than that, just, you know, be cool, dude. Nice. David Borey is here. CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. Currently on the Bring David a Plate Tour. David, this, I think, episode is going to come out

October 12th, I want to say. I want to say October 12th. October 12th. Where can people see you doing stand-up? October 12th. Okay, tonight you can see me in Springfield, Missouri. This weekend, the 13th and 14th, you can see me in St. Louis, Missouri.

October 21st, New York City. October 22nd, Worcester, Mass. October 25th, Kansas City, Missouri. October 26, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. October 27 and 28, Minneapolis, Minnesota. BringDavidAPlate.com. Also, big tour announcement possibly coming up here soon, too. So look out for that.

We're going to be out until the end of the year. Can you say it and then clip it? Unclip. So go see David on those dates. Nice, easy transition. Nobody noticed the thing. Lily Sullivan is here at Lily Yilly

on Twitter. That's L-I-L-Y Y-I-L-Y Y-I-L-Y. It's not confusing at all. It's the greatest handle I could have picked. If you find that confusing, you're probably having a stroke and you should get to a hospital. Yeah, it's your fault. Thank you, guys. Thank you.

And on Instagram is... Same thing on Instagram. Same handle. The same damn thing on Instagram. Where can people see you, whether it's in person or captured on video and then broadcast to the world? Well, you can listen to my podcast, two podcasts.

This book changed my life. And Hey Randy, both on the CBB World Patreon. And I'm doing a solo show at the Elysian Theater in October. So look out for those dates. And it's called Quit While I'm Behind. Oh, I mean, I do improv at UCB at the ASCAP. So you could maybe see me there too. And you and Sharon Stone are going to be doing a two-person show together soon, right? I saw that was amazing yeah sharon stone commented on a video i made with a friend and i was like i think i i was like shaking and i responded like

like amen sharon that's so good response though that's fun yeah you got it a bunch of those funny videos they can find over on your Instagram which are hilarious and Sharon Stone maybe thought was real I couldn't tell ya I couldn't tell you either whatever it is God bless Sharon Stone my name is Ian Carmel across platform

you see me do stand up at the House of Comedy in Vancouver with one Sean Jordan November 30th or December 2nd I'll be at the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas. Get your tickets now. Sean Jordan. Time for your second pick. We should probably pick this.

I gotta go look at something real quick. Hold on. There's nobody in my house but I hear voices. Hold on. Uh-oh. The treadmill is haunted. It's the treadmill. Guarantee you it's the treadmill. Let's keep this in. Isaac, just because if he gets murdered, then we're

a true crime podcast. Of course. We're going to pivot to true crime. That's the one thing we can add. Yeah. We'll partner with Serial. I'll hit up Sarah Koenig. Sorry. I quickly got rid of two intruders.

No big deal. Are you serious? No. I think our neighbors are just... Your wife and daughter? Yeah. I'm working. Our neighbors are just, I think, just going ham.

They're going hard in the backyard where you're like, are you in my living room? I thought my TV was at full volume. Dude, it's the first Sunday of the NFL season. True. They're just about to get ripped, bro. Now it's me, right? Sorry about that. We were actually hoping you would get murdered

so we could turn into a true crime podcast. Is there any way that could happen? I could go back to my old ways. Bro. We don't want that to happen, do we? No, sir. Thank you. Can I we? No, sir. Thank you. Can I continue?

Yes, sir. I turn the AC down to about 60. Every single time. That's like the first thing I do. I get in a hotel room and it goes, most of the time, as low as it'll go. I found like 60s, like it'll usually bottom out. Sometimes I'll go like 58.

I regret it. And then the pendulum swings back a little bit,. Sometimes I'll go like 58. I regret it. And then the pendulum swings back a little bit, but it only swings to like 64. I keep it as cold as I can get it in a hotel room. It's one of those things where you're like, fuck it. I never

want to feel warm. I can get cozy in the hotel. If it's hot, if I'm in a hot place, great. If I'm in a cold place, fine. I just put some blankets on can get cozy in the hotel. If it's hot, if I'm in a hot place, great. If I'm in a cold place, fine. I just, I just put some blankets on, get cozy, put that disgusting unwashed comforter on, which I now know is unwashed all the time. I didn't know that smash city. Just put it right up around my nose. How does your wife feel about the cold, cold hotel room? We compromise sometimes. we compromise sometimes. I do.

I find Dana turning the heat up. Like, I think that's unavoidable. Laura, Laura will get cold. I, I'm swear, sometimes I'll be sitting there sweating on the couch.

Like, not like just profusely, but I'll, I'll be on the verge of actual sweat coming out of my body. And she'll just be like, really, really like touching her arms to like her bare chest like just you know getting the skin i don't know we uh we're different like that but yeah we you know she lets me she lets me do it until until it gets too much

and then we don't just doesn't yeah i just i like a frigid ass room. Frigid. I like that for sleeping. I like it really cold. Yes, me too. I mean, fucking cold. That's why it's weird that I don't like camping. It's different when you're camping for some reason. When it's freezing out and I didn't do it, then I'm not stoked.

But if I have control, if I can play God, if I can play God. It's also gets into like being like, you know, you get to be like this level of like wasteful sort of when you're on vacation or like you kind of get to be a piece of shit in a way that you don't get to be in real life all the time. Oh, big time. You know, 60 towels. I mean, if I'm alone, I'm naked within seconds of entering the room. Usually. Yeah. What is that behavior? I don't know. If I'm alone, I'm naked within seconds of entering the room usually. Yeah. Insane behavior.

I don't know. It's like the dirtiest environment that you're going to be in the whole trip. And that's where you choose to be naked. Yeah. Yeah. It's insane. It always makes me feel so bad for like the hotel staff because you just see like people give in to like the worst sides of themselves where they're just like, you know, it's unhinged.

And then you just leave like some crumpled up dollars on the table when you leave. Yeah. This will take care of it. Sorry about the hepatitis. Our friend Zach will eat. Get yourself some cigarettes. Get yourself something nice.

Have you seen him eating pho out of the hotel icebox? Oh, yeah. I did see that. Or ice bucket. I did see that. Yeah, because you get the pho delivered and it doesn't come with a bowl. And then he eats it out of the hotel ice bucket with a bag in it, right? With the bag in it, I believe.

Either way, it's fucking crazy. We're not airing him out because he posted this. Also, I think with the bag in it, it kind of makes sense. Yeah. It's a little cleaner anyway. I've eaten damn near frozen rock solid pizzas.

So, yeah. I've cooked a pizza, got impatient for like a minute in the microwave in the lobby and then, well, I might be saying pics, but you know, took it up and I was like, well, this is this is frozen. Like eating a pizza actual cookie. It's crunchy. David, time for your

second pick. Attempting to speak a different language. Oh, my God. Yes. Like because I'm not one of those people who's like going to go to a Mexican restaurant and be like, gracias. You know what I mean?

Like I don't, I don't. Dos cervezas. I kind of think you should after hearing that. Gracias. That was a good one. I practiced it all morning, but.

My stepmom is like that. My stepmom does. She's like, can I have the margaritas? Yes, yes. She's like tacos al pastor. My dad over pronounces, like way over pronounce,

like the way you should hear him say de que me matambo. I'd rather not. I don't feel like repeating it. It's got like two syllables. They think, I'd rather not I don't feel like repeating it I'm going to get him to say it the next time I see him and he's like he's beating a drum for some reason

he's playing a djembe I don't know where he got it he thinks he's being more culturally sensitive by saying it in a way that not even people in Africa say it. Right, right, right. I guess that's why we have to, like, maybe take, I take it easier, but also educate the older generations, I guess, where it's like he thinks he's being good. I mean, educate my generation.

I'm over here trying to order like an asshole i don't speak portuguese i don't have any understanding of the phonetics i can't read the language but i'm like oh yeah this is what i'll have you know what i mean you gave it a shot though right and like in brazil because you took um i took duolingo which didn't help me for shit not at all not even what i actually was in the when i was in the as the Marines say, when I was in the suck. Yeah, no, nothing. Did it help you understand more? Not really.

They talk so fast. Duolingo talks so slow. Yeah. It can help you read, right? Like, that's the best they can do. That was, yeah. Like, I will say, but like, i wasn't reading the shit that i was gonna be read like when you're reading out you're like reading menus and shit like that so the menu

isn't like the girl owned a cat you know yeah yeah so it doesn't really help me at all yeah you need like on the ground like yeah can i please order this? Where's the bathroom? Exactly. Exactly. So like check, check, please. Like figuring out how to get a check somewhere else. Oh God. And then you do this weird thing where you like, you're an American. So you just say it like that's going to break through somehow. You're like, if I say, where's the bathroom?

Slow. They're going to get, you know what I mean? It's like, fuck me, bro. You know what's a terrible feeling is the eyes of the person in the other country when they realize that you were butchering their, you know what I mean?

Where like sometimes, at least in France where you walk in and they're like, they'll give you a bonjour for a second and you're like, oh, they think I'm French. And then you're like, bonjour. And you think you say it the exact same way they say it. And then they get these eyes where they're like, oh, hello. Okay.

They're like, all right. They know you're from, they know the specific part of America you're from. You want some butter and water? It's always hard because it's like, you're going to like you know a big tourist destination like if you're in paris or if you're in like you know venice or something then it's like you you don't want to i never want to assume that the other person speaks english so i want to be polite and like be like i'm doing you know i'm trying to i'm trying to help and but then i butcher it and then they respond in perfect English.

And you're like, oh, God, I look like such an asshole. So humiliating. But you have to like, you do have to respectfully be like, I am trying. Because every other country on the planet, everyone learns English and knows how to take care of themselves. We're all just pathetic over here. We have to humble ourselves. Years and years ago, I had a bit about this,

but this, I was in, I was in line at the mechanic one time and the guy in front of me, English was his second language. Still perfect, by the way. And then I got up and the guy, the mechanic,

he goes to me, it's nice to have someone who talks good American. And so that, you know, it was wrong three different ways. And I'm just like, holy buckets, dude.

My thing is like, this is your first language. Right. My thing is like, I don't care as long as we can get to communication. I really don't care how people talk. It really doesn't. If you use, it's like, that's the beauty of language, right? I can, you know what I mean?

I can piece it together. Like when people like, I sometimes like, and maybe it's from growing up here and so many foreigners, but like when people can't that people are speaking english i'm always like what the fuck is wrong with you it's it's i guess i'm a real snob about that i'm a real snob about that i don't like it when people are like i've seen people do it to my mom a lot oh who's been speaking english forever and i've seen it where people are like ha and it's like are are you a fucking idiot? You only understand how people from Nebraska talk. It's fucking awful. I've gotten in trouble at the call centers I worked at. Whenever somebody would get on the phone, they'd be like, finally an American. And I said it multiple times. I'm like, you don't know what country I'm in. And I bet the person

you spoke to before me spoke perfect English. So I got in trouble. You don't know what country I'm in, bud. Yeah. No, hey, bud, you have no freaking idea where I'm from. Okay. Get that goulash out of your ears. But I remember that, like, cause I think there's just such a distinctly American thing. Sometimes I'm like, or people, the sense of entitlement is like so profound. Like there was, when I was in Columbia, I saw this like group of American guys come into this restaurant and they were like clearly telling the guy who was like showing them to their table.

They're like, you better change that TV to like whatever channel they wanted to watch. I can't even imagine being like that. And you have Bud Light, right? Or like you have like whatever we want to drink. And the guy's like, yeah, yeah, I have it. I have it. And it's like, it's just like, what is it? I'd be scared of getting killed a little bit.

Like, just go and sit and watch whatever's on the fucking TV. Like, what? Why do you have to have your shows and you're like, you can. Yeah. You came down here to watch the Big Bang Theory. Yeah. Like, you fucking douchebag. Stay in your fucking country then.

Like, why did you leave? Even if it's an NFL NFL football game just watch whatever the fuck is on in Columbia that's part of the experience and this is what I think we were getting to at the heart of this whole draft is stay in your own country yeah everybody

don't fucking leave unless you want to hot piping be Nicolata David's got to run downstairs really fast he'll be right back but yeah that's my pick Lily time for your

second and third picks okay my second and my third okay I will do it's like the roof roofing talking to other tables

at dinner dog I thought I could get it. Oh, I don't dream of doing that shit when I'm home. It's insane to think about. I literally never, ever interact. I mean, unless it's like, you know, somebody like accidentally spills on you.

Like I'm not like striking up conversation with anybody. And then on vacation, it's like, suddenly I'm like making friends. And I'm like, wow, like it's insane. We're both from the Midwest. Like we were meant to be friends. It's like this like little kids version of like friendship all of a sudden. I'm just like so into like the experience and chatting and it's wild. We did that. I mean, like we went in italy and they were like depressingly mostly americans like at other places and stuff like that yeah but just like it's sometimes you

get like good advice though you get like fun tips where they're like they went to x museum and they're like you should check that out but not only do i not do that at home i aggressively don't do that at home i don't even want to look at somebody sitting next to me. If I go, like if I'm at whatever, Pepino's in Portland, I have headphones in most of the time. If I'm with my wife, I'm with my wife and that's it. I don't even want to think about what that person next to me has to say. Yeah. And like, generally speaking, I'm like not annoyed by other people as much in that kind of environment. Whereas in like LA, I might be like oh god the perfume next to me is like so strong like you know what i mean like she's like

really in my zone like i'm like way more sensitive and then over there you're like life is a movable feast isn't it beautiful yeah exactly yeah it is it's it's so just just chat yeah just chatting up strange i had the same like you know in an airport bar if i'm like if you're in a bar if i'm in a bar for some odd reason by myself in portland no don't don't or i'm kidding if you do feel like approaching go for it but i'm it's like in a hotel or in a in an airport i'm like, what's up, bro? How you living? I wonder if part of it is also because you've been talking to the one other person. Right. It is.

You're a little starved for other types of interactions. You've talked about all the stuff you can talk about and you're like, all right, let's figure out what this couple from Omaha is on right now. What are they doing here? Well, they're probably going to be on their way to my show November 16th.

Wow. That's where they're going to be. I'm sorry. Nobody's going to that show. They better be. I should have got one ticket. At least one. No, I don't think anybody's coming. We picked Striking Up Conversation with Strangers, David. Damn, that was going to be my next one.

Good pick. The amount of people we ran into when we told them that we were on their honeymoon and this was a couple of their 60s and they're like, so were we for the last 41 years. Oh, damn, dude. That's a good one. We got hit with a lot of those, man.

You got to laugh every time. It's wonderful. Lily, and your third pick. Okay, my third pick. It's wonderful. Lily, and your third pick. Okay, my third pick. Let's see. I think I'm gonna go with taking pictures of buildings. Literally never do that in my daily life. Yeah, now I'm a fucking photographer.

I'm gonna come home and look at these. What are you doing with those? I don't even like showing them to people after I took them. Like, let me see photos. You're like, no, I didn't take any. Also, I take like at least three pictures of the same thing every time. Like as though like one of them is going to turn out good. But instead, I don't ever look at any of the photos.

And I have multiples of each. And it's just taking up room on my phone. I'm like, what is going on? What am I doing with that? Yeah, exactly. What is that? Am I showing that to somebody other than right now, this moment here, it's a tower in Florence. I'm at the Baptist tree of St. John. And that's the only time anyone will ever see that. When photos on your phone were new, you'd like when it was a new thing, you know, I'd go through and scroll through and look at them all the time. And now I just like i don't get there's 2 000 or whatever on there i don't you know it stresses me out honestly and the other thing is because of the internet there's like a

million better photos of the same thing i would have taken on the internet like a crystal clear actual good photo of it what am i doing doing taking a picture of the Eiffel Tower? Like, unnecessary. Right. From a bad angle. If you show someone that perfect picture from the internet, they're not going to be like, yeah, but you've never fucking been there, have you? You know? Right. It's like, that's a big fear. Look at this woeful image right here of like a column

in Rome. Stunning. Come on. Awful. New phone background. New phone background. New phone background. Maybe we should start a website that is just the worst building photographs. Worst pictures from vacation. If we had a Twitter account in like 2013, that would have been a hot product. Yeah, taking pictures of buildings.

What the hell are any of us doing? We're never going to stop stop you got to keep doing it yeah you do sometimes people do it to the point where they aren't you're like you're clearly not appreciating where you are in the moment right now and also you're never going to look at these pictures that's a bummer too

that shit's you feel better you're just like what are you doing be here now bro I remember somebody saying like some, who knows what, but some guy writing that like, when you take a photo, you're like less likely to remember whatever you're taking the photo of said thing was because I don't know, there's some like dissonance. And I think about that every time I'm taking pictures of buildings.

I'm like, God, I'm taking pictures of buildings. I'm like, God, I'm never really experiencing it. I'm just taking pictures. It's like the darkest. Not to bring it down, but that's... No, no, no. Bring it down. Yeah. I'm still stuck on the, they don't wash the top comforter thing. So that got brought down. I did not know that. You're going to start taking pictures of it too long. Yeah. Davidid time for time for you to pick uh listen to mediocre live music like i am totally that person that if we go to a bar or something and a band starts out i'm like let's get the fuck out of here yeah like in my life but then like you're somewhere else and you're

like oh is this salsa music? And they're really just like, it's like a terrible cover band. And you're like, yeah, yeah. I could be this guy. I'm dancing for some reason. Yeah. Like, yeah. And it can truly be okay.

It doesn't even, but there's music in the air, you know? We went in, in, uh, in Luca in Italy, we went and saw fine opera. You know what I mean? Like it's fine. There's a church. I mean, it was, Oh,

I thought you meant, you don't mean like, it was okay. You saw okay. Opera. It was amazing. The whole experience was amazing. Puccini is from there.

So every night of the year, they do a show in this church. Well, I went into a church and uh and they were saying opera and it was like never anything i would do here even if like hey uh like i don't know andrea bocelli is like down the street i probably wouldn't go but in italy i was like yeah we're going to do this exactly yeah i know i know it's just like walking on the street i like walking on the street and walking

into somewhere that has live music yeah oh my god yeah many times i've walked down sixth street in austin oh my god magazine street in new orleans and not done anything not done anything not my cold heart melted not one ounce yeah but you know take me out of the country baby i want to hear it. I'm like, is that Calypso? I think, I don't know. I don't know what that word means, but I think I'm dancing to it.

It's so insane because you're like, you're like, wow, I can't believe I stumbled upon this. This is crazy. You're like, I would find this. And then you're like sitting and then suddenly you're like the mayor and striking up conversation with everybody. It's like, you're a different person.

Yeah. Yeah. You got a hat on. Like, what? It's all happening. You might be a fucking gigantic hat. Drinking a pina colada, videotaping this mediocre band on your phone. Yeah.

In the building in the background. I'm trying moves that I don't try in the US. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All of a sudden I'm dancing with my eyes closed. Who the fuck is this guy? Your T-shirt says that you have the pussy. You in the U.S. Oh, yeah. All of a sudden, I'm dancing with my eyes closed. Who the fuck is this guy? Your T-shirt says that you have the pussy.

You make the rules. And you demonstrate that by fucking on a Shea Lounge just right around the corner from where the man is. Exactly. That's who this guy is. He's a guy who fucks on Ottoman.

Oh, I love that. Fantastic pick. Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. I'll just walk and find a restaurant Or a bar Just go until I find one I've never in a gazillion years Would I do that

Where I live I'm just going to go find somewhere But if I'm anywhere else, it's very fun Because I'm never upset Because I'm on vacation The closest I get to it When we were all in Denver and we were just walking around I could barely move It's very fun. You just, and because I'm never upset because I'm on vacation. Yeah. Like, you know, the closest I get to it when we were all in Denver and we were just walking around and find some, I could barely move.

And I was still excited that we found that restaurant downtown that we found where we might not be able to wear mesh shorts, but we could. Yeah. Oh yeah. Overseas. I'm a big restaurant planner. Yeah. It seems if there's a language barrier, I might like if I'm, I don't know, I guess if I'm worried about getting lost, that's, that's the thing, but I'm also might like if i'm i don't know i guess if i'm

worried about getting lost that's that's the thing but i'm also not like a food i don't know i don't appreciate food the right way so i can just kind of find appreciate it fine yeah you eat it you like what you like yeah do you like what i do think i think there's a man but i think your way is better i think there's a magic to just like we walked into this little hole in the wall you know i don't have that story first time i magic to just like, we walked into this little hole in the wall. You know, I never had that story. First time I was in New York, we did that. This place is good.

Yeah. We like, we're in New York. We're just walking around. We found a bar and I, you have all these misconceptions about New York. And then we go in, it's like $2 beers,

$3 Jamesons. And like a really good happy hour of really mellow public bathroom. I was like, well, this is exactly what I wanted. This is exactly what I was looking for in the middle of New York. And then we just got it by walking around.

So yeah, I don't know, just rolling the dice. It gets back to how on my day-to-day life, I control things. I know where I like to go. And I want to have the experiences I want to have. And there's no sense of adventure. But when I'm traveling, I'm like, we don't know what's going to have. And there's like no sense of adventure. But like when I'm traveling, I'm like,

we don't know what's going to happen. Oh my God, there's music. Look at this amazing restaurant. Like this is so perfect and romantic. So it's like this just total shift in like how you look at the world. But I would never walk around

and be like, let's just find somewhere to eat dinner tonight in LA. That'd be crazy. Let's just walk down to eat dinner tonight in LA. And I'll let that be crazy. Let's just walk down Hollywood Boulevard. We'll be walking for decades. Let's just find a Toby Keith's on the Walk of Stars and just, you know. Toby Keith's.

That sounds like pure hell, whatever that is. Do you remember when you thought- I love this bar and grill. Sorry, this is very LA-centric, but when you thought the Hollywood Boulevard, before you saw it for the first time in your life, because I was like, oh my God. Not to say it's not a cool thing to go see, but it's such a...

It's one of the most depressing places on planet Earth. It's crazy when you actually get there and you're like, the Oscars are here? I know. This is where they do it? There's poop on the ground. Human poop. I almost said human poop.

Well, they cleaned up the poop for the Oscars I have seen more human shit on Hollywood Boulevard than I've ever seen in my entire life me too it's wild

and then you see that's a tough call for me because I lived in San Francisco yeah there's a lot in San Francisco too it's a big poop town yeah don't go to Hollywood Boulevard though

it's just it's there's those families that book like like a hotel right around the corner from the House of Wax because they just didn't know. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I'm sorry, dudes. It's just a whole ass family walking around. And they like, you know, they had in their mind, like, we're just going to walk around Hollywood.

That's going to be our vacation for five days. Hollywood. That's going to be our vacation. That's the day. I was at this strike the other day at Netflix and this whole Swedish family walked through the middle of everything. And I was like, oh, you poor guys. You thought you could walk around here.

It's a really dystopian nightmare. You can't. It's awful. Even without the labor stoppage, it's a really depressing place. That actually, the fact that the strike was going on was like probably the best thing about that afternoon. Yeah, exactly. Actually interesting, you know. But like I tell that people are going to visit Portland and I'll give them a street.

If somebody DMs me, I'll just be like, go to this street and you can just walk and there's just fine. There's tons of places you can just find. It's great. Time for my third pick. I'm going to take eggs from a trough is the best way I can describe it. just find there's tons of places you can just find it's great cover my third pick i'm gonna take eggs from a trough is the best way i can describe it like at a buffet at a buffet yeah oh they're so good whatever that big serving thing is nowhere else on earth would i be like where i'm like okay so i'll have my eggs great they're just right over there

pile them high and deep baby baby. High and deep. And they're really good. They're really good. They're so good. And it's the only place I would let like that. And sometimes in the airport at the Centurion Lounge. Yeah. I was just going to say that's the other place.

I was in there just, yeah, that's the other place where I'll get those scoop eggs. Just a big scoop of scrambled eggs. And there's like, there's nowhere, only on vacation would I do that. I wouldn't go to a restaurant where they were like, and they do the scrambled eggs in a trough. I'm like, no thank you. Can they not just go scramble my eggs? It takes

60 seconds. Sir, sir, sir, they've scrambled everyone's eggs and they're in the trough. They're in the trough. Are you too good for the trough? Go to everyone else in this restaurant and tell them you're too good for the trough. They're in the trough. Are you too good for the trough? Go to everyone else in this restaurant. Tell them you're too good for the trough. Sir. Sire.

It's the only place I'll do it. I love it, man. You cut them out like meatloaf. I love it to get like a congealed hunk of scrambled eggs. Yeah. Yeah. And suddenly I'm eating like way more eggs than I normally would eat. Like I'm eating like six eggs.

And I'm like, normally I'm like two is like enough plenty for me. Yeah. Eggs are dank, dude. I normally would eat. Like, I mean, like six eggs. And I'm like, normally I'm like, two is like enough, plenty for me. Yeah. Eggs are dank, dude. I'm with it. Cheddar eggs usually, too. And then I'm gonna go one-two punch on the food here, I think. Actually, no, I'm gonna diverge. Get really sunburnt.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll catch a burn here in LA every now and then you know what I mean that's what you call getting stoned in your Ferrari though right when you're on the 405 at midnight I catch a burn

every night hey Dane I'm gonna go catch a burn real quick on the 405 I'll be back I'm gonna catch a burn quit nagging me I'm gonna go catch a burn. Quit nagging me. I'm going to go catch a burn. Quit nagging me. Quit nagging me. Lay off. No, I feel you.

Lay off, mama. And I'm going to sound like a prick here. Sometimes, for a second, I enjoy it because it makes you hella tired. So it's like a vacation-y thing. I understand that feeling. I understand that. But I will never... Like, the worst burns of my life, they're always on vacationy thing. I understand that feeling. I understand that. Yeah. But I will never, like the worst burns

of my life, they're always on vacation. Yeah. Like, I've lost days of vacation to terrible sunburns before where I'm just like, I can't go do anything.

You got shingles now? Slathered. You got shingles? Slathered in aloe vera, reeking of just like whatever their version of Rite Aid is, aloe vera,

just sitting there on your bed. Where do I get calamine lotion? Hubris. A town over? I would say I go to the pharmacy more on trips than I normally go to the pharmacy. Yes. I'm like suddenly need all these creams and like. Yep.

Oblusions. In a French pharmacy, they have like amazing skincare products. It's fantastic. It's like a good time to like stock stock up and take it home with you. Fine lotion for affordable prices. And everything smells better. And there's not scary chemicals in it. It's great.

Boy, are we blowing it. We're just blowing it overall. I know. Saying it all out loud is heinous. Sean, I'm slathered up in aloe vera. I've got my eggs from a trough on a plate. But what's your fourth pick? Gamble. I only gamble when I'm slathered up in aloe vera. I've got my eggs from a trough on a plate. But what's your fourth pick? Gamble.

I only gamble when I'm on vacation. Only time I ever even. I took eating eggs from a trough. I think I get gambling. I don't think I've ever made me sick, man. Gambling makes me a lot sicker. I'll tell you that. Just waiting for a free bourbon.

Yeah, I've seen it a few times. I don't know if that bourbon was free as much as it was $800. $800. Thankfully, every time I gamble, I'm like, man, so dope that I don't even enjoy this a little bit. Because if I had like, ooh, that'd be tough. That'd be a tough addiction. But yeah, I have no problem setting like a little bit because if I had like oof oof that'd be tough that'd be a tough addiction but yeah I'd I have no problem setting like a cap and then

you know just being done like that 800 started at one so that was my cap that's right all went away including the hundred I started with so and it really didn't have to I was at a hundred dollar wheel a $100 spin roulette wheel and I got up 800 bucks in like five minutes.

And then over the next two days, as in that documentary casino, as Robert De Niro says, the house always wins and the house won. Every time I gamble, I'm like holding my breath. You know what I mean? Where like I can't believe,

it was like I'm trying, I'm running through, you know what, like when you're a kid and there's like those outdoor fountains that like go at different and you're like, I'm going to try to run through without getting wet. Yes. Yeah. That's my feeling. Every time I'm done gambling, I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe I made it without

losing a bunch of money. It's this, it's a crazy rush. And I do, that's fun. But then it's, I never think like, oh, I got my money back. I never think that. I don't know. I just don't. Yeah. I then it's, I never think like, oh, I'm getting my money back. I never think that, I don't know. I just don't. Yeah.

I approach it like that. Like, I'm like, I have a hundred and I'm going to lose the hundred. And so like, how do I choose to lose it? It's going to be gone unless, unless I keep winning till the moment I take off.

Great. But yeah, I always am prepared for it just to go away. But I'm going to, Lily, you usually choose to use it in a Big Bang Theory slot machine, right? That's your preferred. Yeah.

Even in like Rome. Thanks for mentioning that. I'm wearing a massive hat. Yeah. It says Bazinga. Yeah, it says Bazinga right across the back of my sweatpants. I actually was in Vegas recently and I realized I'm like, i get too scared to go to like the tables to play the games because i get like freaked out that they're gonna be like you don't know what you're doing even

though i know how to play blackjack i like play cards with my family like i can i know how to play the games but like there's something in the same way that when i went to the racetrack here in la i they like treated me like I was such an idiot. Like, why? You don't know how to bet? That I get scared people are going to be like, you're so stupid. You don't know.

People know how to bet at the racetrack, Sean. Let me cut you off. They really, really do. I worked at a track for a while. Oh, you did? Half the people, maybe that's it. I just saw quite a few people who didn't know what to do. And you're like, you can just bet on a horse if you just want to bet. You're right,

though. There are most, you're right. There are track guys. And women. Men and women. A lot of track people. A lot of track folks. A lot more kids there than you'd think. You would think. A lot more daylight than you would think with the amount of alcohols going in. A lot less vacation,

a lot more alcohol and daylight would think with the amount of alcohols going in a lot less vacation a lot more alcohol and daylight the one time i oh yeah go ahead please no please please oh no i just saw mel brooks at the track and everyone was like he comes all the time he's like the mayor there kind of thing like walking around hands kissing babies i'm so glad you told me about that it's amazing we saw him he did a q a we went. We saw him. He did a Q&A. We went and watched Blazing Saddles. He did a Q&A afterwards, and it was like midnight. And how old is he? He's mid-90s, right? He's in his 90s now. Yeah, he was like probably

80, 89 when this happened. Was that at the Microsoft Theater? Yeah. Was I with you, or did we see that same show? Yeah, you were there. I was with you. We saw Will Miles. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he killed it. He was amazing. I wrote a sketch for him and acted in it.

David, it's time for your fourth pick. I was feeling left out because I didn't get to go to that screening. Yeah, why weren't you there? You were a little dude. I don't know. That's exactly my shit. I must have been on a town. I think it was during some festival we were on. Whatever.

My fourth pick is going to be, oh yeah, a guided tour. Oh yeah, dude. Because mark my words, I will never do that in my whole town. What are you going to take? A guided tour? Of anything. I don't give a shit i refuse but like on vacation

i'm like this was the tour guide actually did a really good job yeah he was really he was kind of funny right he's kind of funny i went on some great tours in uh in in italy i went on an architectural boat tour in chicago loved it that one, that's probably the only tour I will do in America. Yeah. Is like the architectural one is actually heaven. It's great. It's fantastic. The Vince Vaughn from the breakup tour? Yeah. That one. Yeah. Yeah. The boat tour that he does or the bus tour, whatever he does. It's a boat. Whatever this is, it's a boat tour. I can't remember the movie well enough. I kind of, if, so I went on these food tours

when I was in Italy and they were fantastic, right? It was just like this really cool lady taking us around to different parts of Rome and we did one in Venice. If they had that in LA, I think I would do it. And they probably do, actually. It's a food tour. It's like they take you to just good restaurants and eat. I would do that. Specifically, yeah,

a food tour where they're just like, they come and they're like, the people there know them, so they have like small, they're like, here's just a couple things. So you don't have to eat like an entire meal at this restaurant. That's great. I love that. It was great. Yeah. I want to go on one of those TMZ tours. I've wanted to since day one, since they started doing them. I was like, yeah, fucking show me, dude, show me where David Faustino lives. Let me see what he's getting up to. All day. I want to see that shit. I want to be on the top of a double decker.

The only good view of Hollywood Boulevard, I swear on a stack of Bibles, is on the top of a double decker with some room. And you know they give you a drink. You know they do. I don't know that. They have to. Or they tell you to sneak them in. They prefer it. I did this.

It's probably BYOB. Always a safe bet. They're probably going to let me drink in here. They want you to. They're mad if you don't. You asked me to with the ticket price. I know. I get it.

They want you to. I've had this thing with tour guides, though, where I have a very hard time with their jokey. Like I can understand if it's really, really cheesy, really, really cheesy. I'm like I'm on board. I'm like laughing. I'm like, I can't believe that that they're making these jokes.

But then when we get into like middle ground territory where they think they're really funny and like people on there think they're really funny and they're not it's like breaks my comedian brain in a way that makes me like really mad and like angry and maybe jealous i don't know but it makes it kind of like unbearable that see i'm the opposite and maybe i'm a masochist i love it i love it my God. The lady who gave me the tour of the Coliseum. Amazing. I love a funny tour guide. Love it. I eat it up. I laugh at the bad jokes, the good jokes.

There's something. I'm just laughing. But I still also have like, like goody two shoes energy where I like want to be the one that's like always listening and like nodding and smiling. And like, I hear you. Don't worry. I know other people are just like doing their own thing, but I like I'm be the one that's like always listening and like nodding and smiling. And like, I hear you. Don't worry. I know other people are just like doing their own thing, but I like I'm on the tour. You're like making eye contact.

Yeah, exactly. Let me ask you this. Lily, let me ask you this. Do you take, so when I'm on an airplane, I take my headphones out and pay attention to when they're doing the demonstration. I always do because I'm like, and I look at them. I do too. I pay, I give them like, there's something wrong with me. I always feel like nobody is. And I'm like, I see you. I'm like people. I do too. I pay. I give them like, there's something wrong with me. I always feel like nobody is.

And I'm like, I see you. I'm like people pleasing to my grave. Like I'm going to be just, I'm broken. There's something wrong. That means damn, I thought I was just being cool.

Damn it. Lily, time for your fourth and then your fifth pick, which is your final. Oh wow, okay, okay.

I'm going to go with watch friends that's so funny because never watch it in my day-to-day life but like cable tv in general i don't have so when i'm at a hotel there is something nice about like giving up the like i have to pick it's like you just have to choose from what's on TV and you're just like, this is what's on. And I got to watch friends and watch the homophobic episodes one after another.

And honestly, like it's, it's just nice. It's like a nice warm blanket in a weird way, but I, I would never do it. I never, never watch friends.

Otherwise I'm the same way, but like, and, and fill in, like if, if you're listening at home and you're never, never watch Friends otherwise. I'm the same way. But like, and fill in, like if you're listening at home, you're like, I watch Friends at home. You have a show that you only watch when it's on. Whatever, like flip it to TNT. Like depending on the day,

SportsCenter. I mean, I watch SportsCenter. I'm not going to lie to you. I'll flip it to Spike TV. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Show me one of those. Yeah, I want to see The Rock

gone in 60 seconds for sure. Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives is a big one where I'm just like. Oh, I truck rides. Diners, drive-ins, and dives is a big one. Oh, I would absolutely watch diners, drive-ins, and dives. I'd love every second of it. Yeah. That kind of stuff where I'm like, I don't normally watch this, but man, is it so good. Right now. Dana and I were on a road trip and we just sat there and watched like whatever.

It was like flip or flop or something for like six hours. Yeah. And we ordered in just because it was so you're like this is what we're doing this is the activity today yep exactly and that's the thing man it's your vacation it can be whatever the fuck you want it to be that's the whole thing and your final pick lily my final pick is and this one's really sad read a book during the day time i'll say i'll add that caveat there you go like solidly like read a book it's like suddenly this time and i'm like i read and i'm wearing my hat and i'm like yeah

i'm like i'm reading in public i'm like and you know you're like oh what is it 3 p.m time for me to read a book i think I always do around this time. In regular time, I only read in bed, which is sad. I mean, I should read more. But there's just something about vacation that makes me be like, wow, I'm so smart. And I read this book so quickly. And look at me go. I'm so smart.

Oh, I love it. I am so ambitious with the books I bring on vacation too I bring like four books like get real dude exactly I got things fall apart in my backpack right now like that's what I'm going to do on my afternoon free in Raleigh

is read that book I brought a book Laura wanted me to read one chapter of a book over 10 days as a it's about having a toddler so 30 page chapter she's giving you maybe too long of a 10 days i brought it with me and at the airport in denver on my final flight at the on the 10th day i was like i'm just gonna just going to get this audio book. So I bought the audio book, listened to the chapter in an hour and I got home and I go, I have absorbed the chapter. And she looked at me, I go, I had to get the audio book. I didn't want to lie to you. I'm not,

you know, but she's like, I don't care as long as the information is in your head. I just can't, I just cannot sit and read. I don't, it's never going to change. I don't think. Sean's not a big reader. It's unfortunate. But you have read books is the thing. I have. I've read I don't know, 60 adult books probably. I don't know. I think you just need to find the

right, I don't know. It's all the dirt and shit. That ICP book, I blew through that thing. That was a blast. That's what I'm saying. So you like reading if you like the content. It's got to be about gnarly rock stars, I guess. They got a lot of those, dude.

David, time for your final pick. My final pick, eat at the same restaurant twice in one day. Oh, yeah. There you go. Like, at home, you're a fucking psychopath. But out of town, you're like, I found this charming cafe down the street. Yeah.

That's my spot. Exactly. Yeah. Is it so funny to how it becomes like you're like immediately it's like, that's our spot. That's where we are. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Over the course of four days, you're just a loke. The one guy, the one guy who works there remembers you and you're like, Emilio. It's me again.

You're surprised when they don't they don't bring out the two Aperol spritzes on their charcuterie board on their own it's like what's going on here they know what we're gonna order yeah we had that place in Paris where it was like became our spot they couldn't care less

that's where I was speaking Paris is specifically what I was thinking of with that too cause there's so many good little cafe or also it happened in Brazil. Same thing. Just they don't, he doesn't.

What are you? What do you want? Move along. I got tables to turn over. Do you guys have the thing in Paris where they like ignore you when you first sit down and they don't come over to you for like 20 minutes. And then you finally have to like aggressively wave someone over and you do that every single morning the whole trip at one cafe you're like i still love this place even though they treat me like absolute shit and they don't right away for me

that actually might just be you you are a masochist okay yeah yeah yeah's what I like. I like that they I was at a place. Don't give me any more water. I wanted a dirty cup. Yeah, that wasn't what I ordered. Yeah. Twice in France I've been places where they just didn't come over. No. Never.

And you left? One in Nice and one in Paris. No. You left? Nah. I left after like, yeah. Bro, Nice is crazy for that. After 20 minutes? Well, no, I'm just, I never had that happen.

Sometimes I think now, because I forget, I think that you actually have to aggressively wave them over. At first I was like, oh God, that's so taboo and I don't want to be aggressive American kind of thing. And then now I'm like, no, that's the like so taboo. And I don't want to be like aggressive American kind of thing.

And then now I'm like, no, that's the only way they're going to serve you. It's like, come fucking serve my table. Otherwise they think, I guess it's chill to just sit at an outdoor table in France. I think that there's no rush. It's just no, you know, whatever, man. Yeah. They're on island time. But the thing about it is, when I'm in it is the one time i've been to france

the two times i've been to france it's like i don't have anything to do yeah this is what i want to do i'm not actually i'm not even that hungry i had just kind of been walking for a couple hours i figured probably sit down for a little bit to be honest yeah you know what i'm saying i'm not i'm not in a rush the only thing for me is just the coffee thing like i'm someone who needs coffee right and immediately i'm not naturally a morning person yeah so the fact that i had to sit there and wait is just like absolutely painful yeah it's the worst they should know that they they're coffee people they should know that yeah yeah sean your final pick sometimes i skip brushing my teeth. Ian, your last pick? Ha ha!

Ha ha! Ian, go ahead with yours. No, no, no. We can all bang you. Giving in to the disgusting vibes. When I'm not on vacation, I brush my teeth twice a day and I floss every single night. When I'm on vacation, I... You're lucky if I brush my teeth

once every three days. I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at you. lucky if i brush my teeth once every three days i'm not mad at you i'm not mad at you i like i'm being honest they deserve it the whiskey's probably taking care of whatever germs are in that mouth anyway yeah that's that's the care anyone getting close i'll tell you that whiskey's just cowboy mouthwash that's right you know i you know i latched onto that rumor about mick jagger keith rich one of them didn't go to the dentist for like 40 years and the dentist was like, hey, well, your mouth looks great because of all the alcohol. There's no fucking way that's true.

But in my mind, I'm like, totally. Also with Keith Richards, to quote the children, some people are just built different. Yeah, I think he's built different. Yeah. You know what I mean? You can't put yourself in that skill. You can catch me not brushing my teeth a lot

when I'm on vacation. It's just unfortunate. It's fine. My final pick, I'm going back to the food, to the menu, coconut shrimp. Oh! With the pina colada. With the pina colada. I'm not getting it anywhere.

I'm never going to a restaurant in L.A. and getting the coconut shrimp. But if I'm in Hawaii or really anywhere tropical, sign me up. Yeah. Sound like it's just coconut flavored shrimp. That what it is. This coconut like it's breaded and battered and fried up in there. It's really good. And there's like a chili lime

dipping situation. Oh, it's delicious. Coconut also is one of those things that really makes you feel like you're out of town. Yeah, it does. You know what I mean? Like,

Oh, I mean, the coconut now I must be, even the smell here. What am I doing? What's coconut smell? It's crazy. I never got into using like coconut oil for anything.

Cause I was, I was like, this doesn't match the vibe. This isn't. Yeah. Even like a coconutty suntan lotion when you're just like in la or like or you're camping somewhere you're like this isn't right what am i doing i don't yeah i don't i don't i don't use coconut at all in my life no i just got some spray sunscreen because i i don't put i don't

lather up enough so i got the spray shakes i'm like all right i'll spray it on that's easy reeks it doesn't say coconut on there, but it is. I walked in the other day and was like, what is that smell? You smell like a Sandals resort. She goes, what's that smell? And I was like, I put sunscreen on. I'm trying. It's Jimmy Buffett's ghost.

What's that smell? You don't see him. You just smell him. I'm on tings. God, if I just. Coconut shrimp is the final pick isaac super producer isaac do you have a pick for things you only do on vacation yeah sometimes i like to pretend that i'm someone that i'm not i just like tell people that i meet on vacation that i do some job that i do not do and it's like always low stakes it's like oh i have two cats two cats at home when really I have a dog.

Yeah. I was going to say, you're a producer. You have such a cool job. What do you say you do? When really I have a dog. It's very low stakes. I don't lie about big shit, you know. I lie in a way that doesn't.

It's fantasy. It's fulfilling to be the skin of another person, essentially. Do you ever do that And they call you on it Because that's happened to me Where I'm like Oh I sell insurance And then they're like What kind of insurance And I'm like

Fuck Paper kind dude Paper insurance The kind that you have They'll be like Yeah I'm a bartender At a wine bar And then they ask like

Oh so what should we get At this restaurant It's like Pinot Noir I guess What always works Is say let me answer Your question with a question So someone like What do, so what should we get at this restaurant? It's like, uh, Pinot Noir, I guess. What always works is say, let me answer your question with a question. So if someone's like, what do you think we should get? Let me answer your question with a question. What do you want to get? You know?

If anyone ever asks you what drink they should get, there's only one answer. The Pina Colada. Yeah. Piping hot. Filled to the brim. Or the Pina Colada. Pina. Hot as hell. piping hot filled to the brim or the beanie colada beanie colada is that what you said beanie

I'm talking about the beanie hot as hell kind of already caked on dry beans on the side of the glass delicious

dude it would be so fun if someone's at like a nice cocktail bar and you're just like I got you and you brought them back one of those Jäger bombs

and like a neon plastic cup that the Jäger goes right in the middle and you just pour the Red Bull those Jaeger bombs and like a neon plastic cup. The Jaeger goes right in the middle. Oh, yeah. And you just pour the Red Bull right in front of him. Like, yeah, boy.

Seems like the vinaigrette would be served from a trough. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a beverage. This is classy. In a martini glass. You can't order a trough of vinaigrette for the table like the way you get one of those volcano drinks at a tiki bar. Just hand someone a saucer of bean, like a martini glass full of beans. It comes in a Home Depot 10-gallon bucket.

Your shirt must be thirsty, too. A flipped upside-down bear fur hat like they kind of wear outside Buckingham Palace. Isaac likes pretending to be someone else on vacation. To recap recap our draft Lily went first and took walking inside of a church talking to other tables at dinner taking pictures of a building

watching friends or reading a book during the daytime David went second he took morning drinking attempting to speak a different language listening to mediocre live music going on any kind of guided tour and eating at the same restaurant twice in one day.

Sean went 30, took having sex in beds that aren't yours like a freak. Like a pervert. Turning the AC down to 60 so he's having cold sex. Mine just makes me sound like a new single parent or something. Buying a leather couch, walking and finding a restaurant or bar,

gambling, and skipping brushing while he's on vacation. I sound like a piece of trash. Woe be to that sexual partner. I went last and I took having a silly hat, pina coladas, eggs from a trough, getting really sunburned and coconut shrimps. Love it. It does sound like you're at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville in Cancun. That's where I'm going. I think this might be my heart making these picks.

We want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, where you can get bonus episodes, mailbag episodes, auction drafts, ad-free episodes, pre-roll content. Isaac's tasteful

tasteful nudes. Very tasteful. Very tasteful. He's pretending to not be Isaac Lee. He's pretending to be someone. Two cat guy in those nudes. He's pretending to be someone who doesn't enjoy laying on a lambskin on a shale lounge. Exactly. You will enjoy it. You will enjoy it by watching.

Yeah. And also it's all sorts of other patreon content including our exclusive merchandise with true blazing or ring light say hi hi hi baby's first podcast yeah I think well no she's been on Rogue

in a couple times we saw it the part what did you say the part um um snake snake you saw a snake

yeah oh man serpentine she saw a serpentine she saw a snake yeah that's man I love you so much aw

aw aw you were talking about Ian you guys couldn't see i love you too now i got a big bag of money on the floor shout out to everyone on the afv slack the afv celebrate it shout out to super producer isaac on the ones and twos shout to saint sue carmel shout to frankie ocean shout to sid the dude shout to haji beats. Can Maxine say the final word of the podcast? She dipped. She dipped, dude. I know.

She got shit to do. We're going to have to rely on the best voice in the business then. More important than all of this, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklackity! that was a hate gun podcast