All Fantasy Everything - TV Theme Songs (w/ Solomon Georgio, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)
Episode Date: October 26, 2017The amuse-bouche of the amusing. the teaser for the pleaser, the foyer for the enjoyer (I was nominated for an Emmy)... today we're drafting TV themes. Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians ...Sean Jordan, David Gborie and Solomon Georgio. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Welcome to a... Oh, shit.
Man, we haven't recorded.
Keep it.
I cussed right off the bat.
That's all right.
Welcome to All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that cusses right off the bat.
I'll tell you what the podcast doesn't do is go to church very often.
It does not go to church.
Well, this podcast, this part of it has never gone to church.
If you're scared,
go to church. I said, no, thank you.
I said, no, thank you, Ice Cube. No, I won't be. I don't want to lie
down on fire. If I'm scared, I'll go
to perhaps a minyan
at a synagogue. Ten
strong Jewish men
pouring over the finer points of the
Torah together. Now, I understand
you're Jewish. That's 100% Jewish. Are you Jewish? Bar Mitzvah and everything. Now, I understand you're Jewish.
That's 100% Jewish.
Are you Jewish?
Bar Mitzvah and everything.
Yeah, thank you for asking.
Do you know that?
Yeah, this guy's a Jewish man.
Solomon, you can talk before we introduce you.
I just want to make sure.
I always feel bad.
No one ever confirms that for me.
Anytime I'm on a podcast, I'm sitting there for like 15 minutes
while they're going over business.
I'm like, uh, can I?
And I'll look down, and then you catch them looking at you, and they're kind of leading
you on.
Should I jump in?
Yeah.
I'm waiting for the jump rope.
Yeah, it is a little bit.
Just like waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
And I'll wait.
I will happily sit here and be like, oh, you don't need to hear my voice yet.
For 45 minutes.
You guys got a flow.
I don't want to interrupt.
Everybody needs to hear your voice.
I don't want to bug anybody.
Everyone wants to hear you, and you are part of our flow.
So yeah, jump right in.
I'm in the mix.
I'm in the mix already.
So early.
Cussing up top.
I'm in the mix.
Fuck, dude.
Cussing up top.
Hell yeah.
Talking about Judaism up top.
That's this podcast game.
It's strong.
Classic.
Well, you got to hook the listeners early.
You got to hook them in somehow.
And usually it's by talking about ancient Torah traditions.
Say it again?
A minyan. A minyan.
A minyan.
Yeah.
Is that like a mystic kind of thing?
It's weird.
It's one of these weird old Jewish things where like it needs to be 10 bar mitzvah Jewish men.
And you can't do it with nine.
You don't need 11.
And you just get together and you like read the Torah together.
Okay.
And then what's that supposed to do?
Does it have a power?
No.
Does something happen?
No.
It's just what you call it.
The whole, like the Jews, from what I can gather,
they're like what they really love to do,
like the way I'll get stoned and play NBA 2K18 for like two hours.
I've seen it.
Yeah.
You've seen it with your own two eyes.
I've seen you do that.
They just love to get together and like think about the Torah
and like debate it a little bit.
Okay.
Yeah.
If that's what you're into, though.
That's what Bible study is.
Yeah.
There's no restrictions on how many people.
Ours is like a hard 10.
Yeah, you just got to have that.
What do you call it when it's 10 women?
Well, it's Judaism.
Now I'm sure they do it like a reform synagogue will do that.
Sure.
The old ones were just like, you stay over on your side of the building.
The synagogue I went to, which was fairly progressive, still had sections for men and women if they wanted to sit separately.
Wow.
Yeah.
Judaism, cool now.
Definitely shady as fuck.
I'm not going to take this road.
I'll be the one to talk.
Yeah, yeah. I'm going to to take this road. Yeah, I'll be the one to talk. Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
You know,
I'm going to go ahead
and not speak on it.
Look,
I'm going to tell you right now,
we all have a thing.
Yeah,
that's fair.
We all got a thing.
Ours is deeply entrenched sexism,
much like every other thing.
Every other thing
in the history of the world
that's ever happened,
deeply.
We have joining us today,
Sean Jordan.
Yep.
Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Yep. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on the gram
Fresh off a triumphant trip
To the 10,000 Laughs Comedy Festival
Totally
In Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
And I have to say thank you to
Lady Spooky, Lala Spooky Friend
On Twitter for coming out to the show
Lala Spooky Friend?
Lala Spooky Friend, that's Carm out to the show. Lala Spooky Friend? You have to make up fans that you met, Sean. Lala Spooky Friend.
That's Carmela Anthony's wife's maiden name, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I got some shit to say to Mello about it, too, if he ever wants to tweet at me.
It's like Honey Nut Cheerios.
She gave me some stickers.
It says, hang loose, and then one that says jerk with the state of Minnesota is the K.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
I didn't meet her because I had to go to the Best of the Fest show, which Shane Torres
did not get invited to do.
Nice.
Nice.
Oh, my God. That got Marissa. I didn't meet her because I had to go to the Best of the Fest show, which Shane Torres did not get invited to do. Nice. Nice.
That got Marissa.
No invite for the Shane train?
No, no.
They must have been sick of him by then.
Oh, Best of the Fest.
But shout out to Shane for letting me stay with him for free.
Damn.
Wow. You guys have a complicated relationship.
It is a complicated.
It's one of the great relationships.
I was putting him on the Instagram story, and he is so drunk, and he goes, no story.
I saw.
Is this right?
Did I see an Instagram of a lady wrestling him?
Yeah, Katie Wynn.
Little gal.
Little tiny gal.
She was on her own, though.
Yeah.
How was, did any AFP fans come out at the festival?
What's going on?
Yeah, a bunch, everybody.
There were, you know, 40, 50.
Wow.
Shout out to y'all minneapolis showed up and we'll have to swing through the live show at some point hell
yeah god yeah everybody i mean that's what everybody every single person that came up
that was what they said they wanted to see a live show beautiful that would be super fun
and also real quick since we were talking about it downstairs. Guan. Shout out to... Guan, what do you know? Guan, Guan.
May you wallet.
Shout out to whoever was at the coffee shop in the Dale in Glendale the other day.
At Phil's?
Listening to...
No, it was at Starbucks.
It was right on brand.
Brand in Colorado.
Listening to this podcast
and their headphones around their neck
like a DJ so I could hear it.
That's amazing.
It was crazy.
I was standing right next to you
and I didn't say anything because I felt like a dork. I was standing right next to you, and I didn't say anything
because I felt like a dork.
You were standing right next to the cougar.
Right next, yeah.
That's so crazy.
You should have said something.
I would have said something for sure.
I would have said a bunch of shit.
I would have said, I would have been like the podcast that,
and then, yeah, I would have done something from the podcast.
You'd be like, that's a me.
Hey! I'd have played it cool, too, like saying you'd be like that's a me yeah I'd have played it cool too
like oh you like that podcast
yeah
I mean
yo
that Starbucks
doesn't seem like
somewhere that you
just kind of trip into
and go on a Tuesday
morning or whatever
so
you think he was
waiting for you
setting a trap
because we've talked
about going to
the Americana before
yeah I don't know
why he had camo
all over his face
yeah
chewing on the bullets holding an AK-47 I don't know why he had camo all over his face. Yeah. Chewing on the bullets.
Holding an AK-47.
I know why.
Nicole sent him.
Oh, man.
Oh, yeah.
I was so close to Nicole
this weekend.
You were?
She was right there.
I almost had to crew up,
go down to Bloomington
and take care of it.
I don't know the Nicole situation.
Nicole ruined me.
It's the girl what ruined Sean.
I'm different.
I sent him out west.
The girl what wrecked my heart
something fierce, I'll tell you.
I think you were a little ruined
before you.
Stomped on it.
Yeah, my dad might have something to do with that.
Anyway, back to positive stuff.
If anything, she took you out of the washroom and threw you into the dryer.
Thank heavens for her for doing that.
Also, I got an email today.
I don't want to say your last name.
You know who are.
Michael.
That was like the coolest thing that anyone's ever said to me.
It was just an email talking about how it's cool that i'm positive and how this podcast is
amazing did you say anything nice about david and i yes he said that you two are fantastic it was
mainly about how i'm positive though oh so but i mean that's fine you guys are fine
i don't like that there it is you heard it, dude. This is what happens when you let your friends shine.
Yeah, exactly.
Don't make me stop.
Please don't make me stop.
I won't know what to do.
Sean is now going to be replaced by a Big Bird speak and say.
No, I got to shine.
The cow says chiseling.
I wonder if they got Chiswick in Vegas.
We can make it.
Oh, yeah, we're going to Vegas.
This episode is going to be good.
The next episode is going to be crazy.
Yeah.
Because Sean, David, myself, Zach Toscani, and friend of the program, Nicholas Danpe.
King of the atoll.
He has no problems at all to rehash one of your jokes.
Not from you pricks, but it did get some love.
No, it bombed in here.
But that's the thing about Sean Jordan.
Bombs in the room, kills on Twitter.
Kills on Twitter.
No, there are Sean Jordan heads out there.
Big time heads.
They love it.
We're going to see Jaws.
We're going to Las Vegas.
We're going to go see Jaws.
We're going to go see Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws see Jaws We're going to Las Vegas We're going to go see Jaws We're going to go see Jaws
Oh, Jaws
Oh, that's another wonderful Jaws
Oh, and Lost for Girls
That's a Jaws 3
Not as known as Jaws 3
You can't see me right now
But I am wearing a beautiful fur
With one of those long cigarette sticks
You have a scepter
Yeah, I do
Well, that's nothing new
But I am presenting I always have a scepter. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's nothing new, but I am presenting.
I always have a scepter on me,
but I'm usually
I keep it in the trunk.
Sean, do you have anything
to plug coming up?
No, man.
Listen to this podcast
because it's dope.
Listen to AFV.
David,
Boring,
the G is silent.
Yes, sir.
CoolGuyJokes87.
CoolGuyJokes87,
thank you guys
for watching my Instagram stories.
I just got home from home from Colorado playing with some cats, touching some babies.
That's not.
That's a weird.
You knew what you were saying.
But you get it.
I'm great with babies.
If you guys just want to throw some at me.
I'll believe that.
Or I can throw some at you.
You might have a baby on you.
Yeah, I might have a baby on me.
I can see you being good with a baby.
I'm real.
They like my energy.
Yeah.
Baby looking at you all excited, kind of trying to grab your cheek a little bit.
It's like a weird size to not be afraid of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm so big, but I'm so sweet.
And they're like, what's going on?
Man, kids at grocery stores look at me like just real suspicious.
They'll just look up at me like, what are you?
What are you?
What are you doing?
And I'll try to smile at them, and then they'll go get scared and run behind their mom.
Mommy, are we going to make it home?
Yeah.
I look like a child giant.
Because I'm good with babies, not as good with little kids.
Toddlers hate me.
I think that they feel like we're equal, and I often find myself having to assert dominance
over children.
Over a child?
Yeah, yeah.
See, babies are usually where I'm fine, because I'm tall enough that I hold them, and they're like, child? Yeah, yeah. See, babies are usually where I'm fine
because I'm tall enough that I hold them
and they're like, what?
It's like when they go through the clouds.
Like when Jasmine and Aladdin are through.
It's a whole new world up there.
You're on the top of the fridge?
Oh my God.
You're not six feet tall.
You've never seen shit like this.
They may never be there again. They're getting new angles on shit but you put them on the ground and they're like
fuck whatever that yeah why are you all the way up there i can't get to you if i need to i get it
that's a pretty good point yeah yeah i never thought about that babies get wigged out man
how was denver it was good it was not even denver it was Elizabeth. Oh, you went home home. Home home.
It was great.
We just like, my buddy's wife is pregnant.
So we just hung out and went shopping, saw some movies.
It was like real low key, really fun.
That's beautiful.
Anything coming up to plug?
November 4th, I will be at the Ha Ha Conference in Penn State.
That's right. I'm doing a panel in the
morning and I'm doing jokes at night.
And then I believe November 17th
and 18th, I
will be at the Blue Room in
Columbus, Missouri.
Fantastic. So, you know, I'm making moves
out here. Sure. Getting it done.
Making moves. Handling shit.
We're also joined by Solomon
Giorgio. Hi. There he is joined by Solomon Giorgio there he is
is it
at Solomon Giorgio
on Twitter
on Twitter
on Instagram
on Facebook
cross platform
but the Solomon Giorgio
dot com
is my website
as it should be
I know
you were joining us
fresh off of
hot week
dropping an album
fresh off of
dropping a Comedy Central
half hour
fresh off of
dropping a Conan O'Brien set.
Yes.
Your second.
My second, yes.
Second clip in the belt.
It's been a million.
Crazy outfit on that, too.
Oh, my God.
Man, you look like an ice cream salesman.
I got that suit that morning.
I was dead sick as hell.
I was sick all weekend, and I wanted to get that suit the weekend, but I was just, but
yeah.
You were too sick. But yeah, something in that sick haze and I wanted to get that suit the weekend but I was just... You were too sick.
But yeah, something in that sick haze was like, give me that
cotton candy blue suit.
Give me that pink Sherbert shirt.
You're so good.
I just needed lively colors to make me
not feel like I'm dead inside because I was really
sick. It worked.
That's fucking rad. Now you have that if you
ever need to go on a cruise.
Oh, yeah.
Or to Miami.
Oh, my God.
Miami in that shit?
Or just like an LA summertime.
I'm not that crazy about the pants, but I think I'm going to do the white pants with that.
Oh.
Well, now you have to go to an island.
All the way.
You can sell ice cream.
White pants are so great.
I love that you bought the suit just off the rack.
To me, it's a part of the suit just off the rack. To me,
that is,
it's a part of the world that I may never get to explore.
No,
that's,
yeah,
we're not there.
You guys,
I'm going to tell you right now,
me and fashion,
we connect in a certain way
that it's a certain synergy
that I've perfected
and honed in over years.
You have the legs for fashion.
Yeah,
they just,
I've earned,
it's just a really good,
it's the best relationship
I've ever been in,
honestly.
I'm the same way with drinking beers at the lake.
I'm just built for it.
I like that too.
Just drinking a 40 on a pontoon boat.
Yep.
Let me in.
See, I would look terrible doing that.
You'd look so good doing that.
People would feel so like,
they're like, what happened to him?
Why is he here?
Why is that fashionista do stupid...
They would feel invaded.
Yeah.
I recently spent a lot of time on a catamaran, and I fit right in.
What is a catamaran?
A catamaran is a boat that's like, it's a pontoon boat, but it's like a little more,
there's not netting.
It's like there's two of the pontoons and then like a big boat on top of it.
Okay, I know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
Like in Moana.
Yeah, like in Moana.
Yeah.
But I was in kind of an upscale Moana boat.
And that right there, at Ian Carmel on Twitter.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, Solomon, do you have anything to plug?
Oh, I blow it every fucking time I try.
Every time I try.
You're a prince?
Follow that up with We Love You.
I will actually be going on tour with Deer Tick, the band.
Holy shit, really?
You're going on Deer Tick?
God damn.
That's awesome.
From the 12th through the 18th,
I will be going part of their Arizona Legular Tour
and a couple of dates in Texas.
And then I'm doing the Come and Get It Comedy Festival
in Houston right after that.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I will also be at that comedy festival.
Are you going to be?
Yeah.
Oh, we're going to have a good time.
We're also going to do a live All Fantasy Everything.
The two of you won't be there.
I will be there, though.
But Solomon, maybe you want to do it?
I will happily do it.
You want to go to the mall or something?
I think I legitimately agreed to do this festival a year ago.
Oh, wow.
And then it was something I'd always seen on my calendar.
And this summer, I was like, that'll be there.
What the hell is that?
When's the whole festival?
The 18th, the 17th through the 19th.
I don't know.
It's the 16th through 20th of whatever the next month is.
November.
November.
November.
That's the next one.
So Thanksgiving?
But also, if you guys are going to go to the mall that day,
if you guys want to do a side project podcast on the food court, I think that would be-
I think that would be great.
We do spend a lot of time in there.
I think that's a nice look.
I think-
I go there every day.
We'll go half-life.
Also, maybe we'll get the balls to go in the Gucci store one of these days.
I'll go in there with you.
I'll take you there.
It didn't work with us.
I can't handle the looks I get.
You got to walk in like you belong there.
You have no idea.
It's a sickness. We were definitely not dressed like we were. But that's part of- My shorts between us. I can't handle the looks I get. You gotta walk in like you belong there. You have no idea. We were definitely not
dressed like we were.
My shorts between us.
That can be a choice, though. Or that's like you super
belong there. Like a fucking billionaire.
You're like, yeah, I go to the Gucci store.
It's like my home. I wear what I wear in my home.
Yeah, why would I not? I'm as comfortable here
as I am anywhere.
I'm different. I have the kind of face
where I look like I'm looking down on you
even though I'm not looking directly at you.
I feel like you walk in the Gucci store
and they ask you, can they help you?
But they mean it.
I walk in and they're like, can I help you?
They're like, can I help you?
Yeah.
Can I help you?
Am I the one?
But I've never been to the Gucci store.
I would happily go. Topanga Mall? They just want to help you. But I've never been to the Gucci store. I would happily go in.
You've got to go to the Gucci store.
Oh, yeah.
You've got to go to the Gucci store.
Topanga Mall, right?
Yeah, it was Topanga.
Hell, yeah.
If you guys are going to be in Vegas, there's like the giant Gucci store there.
Yeah, we would trust one.
I might be in Gucci store.
I tripped in in a haze with an open bottle of vodka.
That's different when you're in Vegas.
It don't matter.
I'll go in there and fucking dump, yeah, what I'm supposed to be in here.
I'll do that.
Topanga.
Fuck it. That's not even better sex. It is noon, sir. I'll go in there and fucking dump what I'm supposed to be on here. I'll do that in Topanga. Fuck it.
It is
noon soon.
That'll be
in the Topanga Gazette next day.
Freaking out all the Topanga-ites.
Man walks into Gucci store shirtless,
holding a fifth of vodka, buys cheapest thing
at Gucci store, immediately leaves.
Gucci money clip for $2.49.
Let me get one Gucci flip-flop.
Just the left.
What am I, the Monopoly man?
You forget it there.
So, yeah, I am Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel across platforms.
Check me out.
And, yeah, I am going to be at the Come and Take It
Festival in Houston with Solomon
Giorgio. We will be doing a live
All Fantasy Everything lineup to be
determined, although hopefully Solomon Giorgio
will be on it. I will happily do it. That's going to be awesome.
And then, again,
December 22nd in Portland,
Oregon, I'll be doing my new hour of stand-up.
What? Yeah!
At Revolution Hall.
It's like halfway sold out, so tickets are going quick.
So make sure you jump on that.
I'm going to go ahead and go.
Yeah.
Sean, I think you're going to be there?
I'm going to go ahead and do it.
Sean is going to be there, so you'll get to see both of us doing stand-up comedy.
It's going to be real fun.
The hour is called 30 Minutes About Donald Trump and then 30 Minutes to Make You Forget
About Donald Trump.
Can't wait.
I'm really excited about it.
So cop tickets there
and then for the people asking,
I am going to try to take it
on the road after that,
but I would recommend
blowing off whatever
Christmas plans you have
and flying to Portland
just to make sure
you can make it.
Go to Portland.
We'll go,
we'll do some stuff.
If someone comes in
from out of town,
we will get hammered with you.
We will get hammered with you
and you can sleep
in the bathtub at my hotel room at the Ace.
Tell you what.
Even if nobody comes in from out of town, I'll get hammered with whoever's there.
Right, right, right.
I'd like it.
You could be in Maine getting hammered.
We'll be getting hammered with you.
I wanted to spend an exit.
We had a couple people.
We have people starting to send us things.
Oh, yeah.
Don't stop doing that.
And I just want to encourage that.
It's the absolute best.
For sure.
I strongly encourage that.
Last week, Danny, we shouted you out for sending us the salt and straw ice cream.
This week, we want to shoot two shout outs.
One to our boy, Hanzo.
I'm pronouncing that right, I think.
Yeah.
Who sent us from New Hampshire, who sent us a bunch of pepper
jelly yes and even though david doesn't like sweets with his meat recommend we make a pepper
jelly adult pb and j with like bacon on all this shit sounds so good huge shouts to you look for
you look for yourself on twitter we're gonna we're gonna send you a special shout out and then
another shout out to our to our good friend friend of the pod, Katie Wolf from the Bay Area,
who sent us a large amount of queso dip in an effort to, because we were complaining about salsa lids.
And we were complaining about the nacho cheese game.
Yeah, the nacho cheese game.
Those lids are fucking huge.
Yeah, those open up.
That's a wide mouth.
I get my face in there.
Right?
Not like the fucking Tostitos where I got one. That one is a cruel trick. Halfway through, you're doomed. That's a wide mouth. I get my face in there. Right? Not like the fucking those testitos where I got one.
That one is a cruel trick.
Halfway through,
you're doomed.
Right?
You're doomed.
What are you going to do?
You don't even get the rest.
This is why we need to get people
like Trump out of office.
All right?
So we can stop playing
this fucking political
hacky sack back and forth
and start focusing
on the real issues.
Let's get to what really matters.
You know what I've done
in the past, though,
is when it gets really hard,
I just crumble the chips into the queso. Yeah. Eat it like it's cereal what I've done in the past, though, is when it gets really hard, I just crumble the chips
into the case.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Eat it like it's cereal.
I've got to do it.
I've got to do it.
I've got to do it.
My mother,
St. Sue Carmel,
shout out to St. Sue Carmel,
has recommended
we take a rubber spatula
and get it out of there,
and that's fine for her.
Well,
I would love to get
to that point in my life
where I'm doing that.
I think that that's like,
she's a mom,
so that's the correct way to do it.
It is the correct way to do it.
I don't know what a spatula is.
You could hit me in the face with a spatula right now.
I might.
It's mostly, the whole thing is just bringing in another dirty dish.
Yeah.
That's the point of it is I'm not making anything dirty by myself.
That's the part about chips and dish.
I already ate cereal with a spatula.
I can't get it dirty.
The milk kept sliding on.
They're making cocoa, goddammit, hot cocoa cocoa puffs.
Are they?
Yeah, yeah.
Amazing.
I'm sorry.
Say that again?
Hot cocoa cocoa puffs.
Hot cocoa cocoa puffs?
I don't know what you mean.
So you take hot cocoa and then you put it in the cocoa?
No, they're making like hot cocoa flavored cocoa puffs.
Aren't they already?
Are they not already?
But it's chocolate.
They're cocoa puffs. Hot cocoa. Well, Are they not already? But it's chocolate. They're cocoa puffs.
Hot cocoa.
Well, like hot chocolate, you know.
I'm very confused.
I already thought it was that flavor.
I thought that was exactly what the flavor was.
No, it's just like chocolate flavored.
That's what hot cocoa is.
Hot is not a flavor.
Cocoa.
Hot.
Well, like hot chocolate is a different flavor than cocoa puffs.
Yeah, because that's cold chocolate.
No, it's just hot chocolate.
It's cold hot chocolate.
Is it?
We need to take it up with the goddamn radio today.
Sean, put your shirt back on.
If I put my shirt on,
the pants are coming off.
Where did you get the choice?
He pulled a burning Bible out of his pocket.
It was on fire when he grabbed it.
That's from all that church talk earlier.
It was on fire.
He's wearing that thing on his leg from that
Tom Brown movie.
From Angels and Demons or whatever.
The Da Vinci Code.
Yeah, the Da Vinci Code.
That guy was crazy.
Angels and Demons was the only thing I could think of too.
His name was like Silas though.
Oh, from the Tom Hanks movie.
Yeah, that dude.
The Da Vinci Code?
I didn't watch it.
The book was better. I don't read that movie, so I don't understand the frame of the movie. The Da Vinci Code? I didn't watch it. The book was better.
I didn't read it.
I don't read books, dude.
I don't read books.
You're becoming me like that every day.
We've had this talk.
Don't you dare put a book in my mouth.
Sean, you're supposed to be positive.
Unless it was in The Dirt by Motley Crue.
Yeah.
You did not read it.
I will read that.
You did read that.
Yeah, I did read The Dirt.
At work, where they said we couldn't swear, and they let me read The Dirt by Motley Crue.
So major shout-outs to the people for sending us stuff in.
And another huge shout-out to Saints2Carmel, who started a new job recently.
Oh, she did?
Yes.
She's left the previous hospital that she was at behind.
Fuck them.
And is at a new hospital that appreciates her more.
Shout-out to the new hospital.
Yeah.
Shout-out to Saints2Carmel. Also, I know I just said fuck them. Shout out to the new hospital. Yeah. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel.
Also, I know I just said fuck them.
Shout out to my mom,
Sarah Bori-Soli.
Yeah.
Big fan.
Says we curse too much.
Yeah.
Oh, I said,
it's fucking show business, mom.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
Now you said it.
Shout out to St. Sarah.
But now she knows
that it's show business
so I can just,
I can do it.
I'm safe in here.
It is show business.
It's when I'm in the room with her that I gotta answer for my
son. Tell your mother that I'm
apologizing for you and your behavior.
I appreciate it. She wants it from another African.
That means a lot.
She wants it from another African.
I feel like we didn't plug your album properly.
Solomon's album is available right now
from Comedy Central
Records. You say the name of it.
I was wondering how that's supposed to...
The best was watching Conan O'Brien do it.
You say the name of it.
Because everybody just had a look,
I'm like, ooh.
He actually called it Homo Negro Superior.
Did he?
It's fine.
I'm fine with that,
but it's actually pronounced Homo Negro Superior.
There it is.
Because there's an accent.
But Homo Negro Superior is fine too. it's just letting letting all the racists and
homophobes out there know that i'm better than you uh in every possible way and if the title
didn't do it you see the picture on the front and you're like oh shit i really do need to get my
shit together like some type of space churchman i just yelled grace jones like nine times i get it
i get it because it feels like that You get more powerful every time you yell
Grace Jones.
It is dope.
So please cop that.
You can get it on iTunes.
So pay for it.
Yeah.
I know you can listen
to it on Spotify.
It's on Spotify.
It's on Google Play.
It's all across the board.
If you're broke,
spin it on Spotify.
I get that.
But if you have a few shekels
to throw Solomon's away,
cop the album.
He's dope.
Then you can listen to it on the plane. they all i will still all them will still give
me money so i'm that's true that's true it's just don't don't be deterred just listen to it in any
way possible and let me make money except for torrent do not do not do not do not do not do
not if you do i fully understand because i was that dude at one point in my life and i get it
i'm that good and i'm worth it so yeah maybe if you're there maybe if you're, I fully understand because I was that dude at one point in my life, and I get it. I'm that good, and I'm worth it.
So, yeah, maybe if you're in that place, I get it.
I have torrented a lot of BBC.
Beanie needs that money now.
Yeah, he needs it.
I'm his worst fan.
That was back when he was doing all right, though.
You should just send him a check and a card.
Hey, Beanie.
40 bucks.
40 bucks, just like, hey, man, you're really worth it.
Ego beans.
Today we aren't drafting anything.
So that's the market.
Dear Lord, we're really good at this point.
Today we are drafting, but we have to get to it
because it's such a good topic.
A long awaited, we are drafting
television theme songs.
And it is
tense. It's going down. It's going down.
It is going down.
It's been a long time coming.
It's a deeper pool than I thought initially.
I came off natural without even doing any research.
Just like 15 dope ones that I really wanted.
And then you look, you do this little dig and you're like, fuck.
That was five years of my life right there.
Right?
There's also a few shows
that had different,
like they had like
an earlier theme song
and then a later theme song
and then you're like,
do I like,
which one do I take?
Do I like Black Ant Viv
or do I like Lightskin Ant Viv?
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
I don't know what that means.
It's not for you.
I got it, David.
Don't you worry.
It's not for me.
You can take a long walk off a short with that attitude.
Whoa, take that gun out of your hand, pal.
Tell me what to do.
Again, dude, it's going in my mouth.
Two birds right through the back of my skull, my friend.
Me and you, last words.
Kill each other after Vegas.
But this is the first time I think I can actually strategize
I can improvise in the situation
I'm like I have backups
you're ready for anything
Solomon's in the pocket
I'm here, I can play D, I can play offense
I'm finally in a game
you found a list in that suit that you bought
they had just a list sitting there
of TV theme shows
oh there's so many lists in the baby blue suit.
You have no idea.
I just had this really long list of where I can get the finest gelato in town.
Oh, I bet.
That is a gelato suit for sure.
Or like crazy shave ice.
Like pomegranate shave ice.
That's an early evening cappuccino suit too.
Oh, geez.
That's what they used to call me.
Early evening cappuccino suit, too. That's what they used to call me. Early evening cappuccinos.
I think, first of all, I think you guys all need to have suits in pastel.
I was just talking to my mom about this.
I do need a pastel suit.
I have two suits, none pastel, but listen, I'll buy one tonight.
Go pastel.
Let's go be men about town.
Could have probably bought one for what I paid to rent it.
Yeah, see?
Next move is buying a suit.
What did he tell you that? Sean, talk to me what I paid to rent it. Yeah, see? Next move is buying a suit. I wanted to tell you that.
Long way down.
How much does Sears suck a car at?
My suit that I wore on Conan?
$200.
There you go.
Really?
That would have been cheaper than you had.
Really?
$200.
This fucking suit.
$200.
I'm going to get this jacket and the pants.
Off the rack.
Fitting me like a glove.
$200.
From Uniqlo or like a-
It was from Zara
you should tell them that you did this podcast
and wore their suit on
yeah sure
you just did
I just did
guys let's just
let's go to the game
we're like 40 minutes in
the three
the order of the draft
will be determined by a rollicky game of rock paper scissors
play between the three of you
you go and shoot so here we go
we're going to jump into it rock paper scissors
shoot oh wait no Solomon
he threw it but he won anyway
he threw scissors and you both threw paper
he did he threw it first and he beat us that's right
I think you got to give it to him for that
you guys saw what I did
I was looking at you going scissors what doesn't beat scissors paper I think you got to give it to him for that. You guys saw what I did. I literally saw him do it.
I was looking at you.
Scissors.
What doesn't beat scissors?
Papers.
Solomon, go first.
I will.
I mean, if anyone insists on doing a read-through.
No, no, no, no.
That's fair.
Now, Solomon, you determine the order of the draft.
I will remind you it is a serpentine draft.
Now, what is that?
That's a great question.
Sure.
Well, let's say Solomon were walking to an ice cream shop and pick out the flavors that he was going to bring to everybody to sell later that day.
And on the right side,
there was like a nice
kind of mint bonbon situation.
And on the left side,
there was like a rainbow sherbet
and he just was kind of
going back and forth,
back and forth,
looking at either.
And then just copped them both
and sold them to everyone
outside of Kona.
Yeah.
I like that you are
flipping ice cream in this scenario.
Yeah.
Because you're spreading good vibes.
I want to, oh man, I want to just. And you were kind of sick. You didn't, you had a sore throat. So maybe the ice cream in this scenario. I like it too. Because you're spreading good vibes. I want to,
oh man,
I want to just.
And you were kind of sick,
you had a sore throat,
so maybe the ice cream
helped you too.
That would be my favorite
party if I was just
handing out soft serve
to kids.
Here you go.
There you are.
I liked everything
but the way you
pronounced sherbet.
Is there not sherbet?
Is there not in the second R?
I don't know.
Is there not in the,
there's not a second R.
It's actually sorbet,
you heathens.
You godless pig, it's sorbet. I can't stay. There's not a second R. It's actually sorbet, you heathens. You godless pig.
It's sorbet.
I can't stay mad at you.
Solomon, what will the order of the draft be today?
This is a tough choice.
Today.
Because being first means I have the first pick, which is really handy.
But being last means I can do a double pick and just do a whammy.
Such is the serpent.
That's what I've been thinking about that all day.
This is actually the hardest decision,
but I think this time,
based on my first pick,
I want to go first.
Okay.
Okay.
I want to go first.
Okay.
And it's a really good pick.
Wait, wait, you have to pick the full order.
You go first.
I thought we were just going to do Super Teen,
so I just assumed.
You can do it,
but you can pick whatever that order is going to be.
It can zigzag, it can circle,
it can do whatever you want.
You know what?
I want Ian to follow up.
Damn it.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
And then Sean.
Damn it.
David.
Ah, damn it.
Fucking A. I'm not going to.
Because I think David is a main competition kind of thing.
I want to.
Oh, I know.
There's so many.
Fuck.
All right.
Nope.
It's going to be okay.
Okay.
All right, Solomon. with the first pick.
I'm going for something iconic.
Okay.
A very choice one.
Thank you for being a friend.
I called it last night.
There was no way it was getting out of the first round.
That is so good.
What did we do last time?
Because you golden girls, you picked that golden girl last time.
It's a perfect song, it's true.
You're a pal and a confidant.
Sure, sure, sure, sure.
And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew,
you would see the biggest gift would be from me.
And the card attached would say, thank you for being a friend.
That song is so good.
I've been looking forward to this all day long.
It's singing these songs.
I'm so happy I let it out.
That could be our show's theme song.
It could be any show's theme song.
It could be any show's theme song.
It's the best.
Yeah.
It's so good.
What a good solid message, too.
Thank you for being a friend.
It's a great theme song with an even greater show behind it.
Yes.
It's such a-
It's a joke machine.
You taught me that.
Oh, man.
It is joke after joke after joke.
And progressive.
A lot of very good, very interesting.
Like when the lady comes and her husband died and then she's a lesbian.
Oh, yeah? Oh, my God then she's a lesbian. Oh, yes.
Oh, my God.
It's so good.
So good.
But there's the three funniest moments throughout the entire season.
The three times in the whole series, Rose Nyland calls Dorothy Spornack a bitch.
And it is the most hilarious.
It is a hard drop. And it's so funny because the character is just like, you just feel it in the most hilarious. It is a hard drop.
And it's so funny because the character is just like, you just feel it in the air.
And Betty White does it so well that you feel like she's just calling Bea Arthur directly.
She might have been.
Yeah, they weren't friends.
Really?
In real life, yeah.
Oh, there was some beef.
Well, no, just Bea Arthur did not talk to Betty White.
Really?
At all, yeah.
I could see that.
Oh, by the way, I am, when it comes to the Golden Girls, I have a very strong knowledge.
Sure.
Yeah.
Why didn't they talk?
Oh, yeah, go on.
They don't, they never talked.
Bea Arthur also didn't talk.
Like, she's like, you don't need to know.
This is none of your business.
But her best friend in real life, Angela Lansbury.
What?
Really?
Angela Lansbury and Bea Arthur were homies from back in the day.
They starred on Broadway on Mame together.
That's crazy.
They just met at the Stoic Dinner Club.
I was also, I was on a plane with Angela Lansbury.
Were you?
Yeah.
And Dulce Sloan.
You had to know that thing wasn't going to-
Like three months ago.
That's not going to crash.
No, yeah, that can't go down.
God is not taking Angela Lansbury.
No, no, no. That plane's going to float down. It's not gonna crash no yeah that plane's gonna float down it's not gonna even
she will die in a heavily perfumed room yeah oh yeah oh yeah it's gonna smell like roses it is
it's gonna be amazing yeah but yeah it is quite possibly yeah just joke after joke it's so solid
and the best this is also a thing that i like to teach people when people are like what's the difference between shade and like a like reading somebody yeah uh shade is what uh uh
blanche does oh she's good at it and she's so she's just like catty exactly but she's just like
you guys will never be as pretty as you guys should know you're not as pretty as me it's like
yeah she says stuff like that but But reading, directly insulting somebody,
that's what Sophia and Dorothy do.
You bitch.
Yeah.
You bitch.
Por ejemplo.
You bitch.
You bitch.
You bitch.
Mitch Hurwitz, creator of Arrested Development
and like many other shows,
started on Golden Girls.
Yeah?
That was, yeah. He was one of the writers on Golden Girls. That was what, yeah.
He was one of the writers on that show.
They had a dream team of writers.
Insane.
It's a joke machine.
It's so funny.
But that's not what we're talking about.
No.
That song, though, is incredible.
It just makes you feel good.
Because it's so sweet.
It's so endearing.
That's the nicest thing you can say to your pal, your buddy, your friend.
Sure.
Thank you. So it was a thank you for being a friend. It's a song written by
Andrew Gold, who recorded it for his third
album, All This and Heaven Too.
Oh, God, yeah. And the song reached number 25
on the Billboard Hot 100 in 78.
America didn't know what it had. It didn't know.
We had to put it into context.
And then it was re-recorded by
Cynthia Fee, who is known for
working with Kenny Rogers to be the theme song on Golden Girls.
So it was originally recorded by some dude.
She took it, made it way better, and then it became the iconic song that we know and love now.
Her voice is heavenly.
Yeah, I can't imagine that dude.
I just can't imagine it being better than once.
It wouldn't be that good if I heard a man singing that song.
No.
I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
When I watch that show, I like to think that Blanche wrote that song when No. I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I like to, when I watch that show,
I like to think that Blanche wrote that song
when she was like 22.
Oh.
And it's just like
a young Blanche singing it.
Yeah, I could see that.
That's what you're,
that,
I would actually would watch.
Young Blanche?
I would happily watch.
By the way,
get Hollywood on the phone.
Fuck young Sheldon.
Oh, young Blanche.
Young Blanche.
Yo, yo.
Just like debutante. It could not be on CBS. Young Blanche. You're in the South.
Debutante.
It could not be on CBS.
It wouldn't.
It would be on Showtime, baby. We might have to put it on Showtime.
Premium.
That's a premium game we're playing.
Speaking of which, I just upgraded us to Showtime at the crib, or to premium at the crib.
Get out of town.
Oh, shit.
So I could get NBA.
So now just-
You guys got League Pass?
Oh, yeah.
I got League Pass.
Got NBA TV.
Let's really be done with the podcast.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just saying.
The crib has been upgraded.
Man, that's my first pick.
Hell yeah.
Amazing pick.
That's a perfect pick.
Thank you for being a friend.
Love it.
So good.
Got to cross that off my list.
Yeah, absolutely.
I imagine we're all crossing it off.
We're going to be.
There's a lot of crossing off.
I'm very glad I got to go first.
Whatever, dude.
So I'm up with my first pick. Let's hear it. I had to go first. Whatever, dude. So I'm up with my first pick.
Let's hear it.
I had to get it.
A lot of the songs on this list will have a lot of words in it.
My first pick really only has two words.
The words are the and Simpsons.
So of course I'm picking the theme from Family Guy.
Family Guy. Family Guy.
Family Guy.
I hope nobody was going to pick that.
I don't think anybody was.
Although I will say, and this is a quick tangent,
Family Guy I feel like catches a little more shit than it deserves.
I think Family Guy is awesome.
It's like the Dane Cook of TV shows.
It's 100% the Dane Cook of TV.
Those first few seasons.
Still funny.
I'm not going to lie.
I will watch it.
I watch it all the time.
Halfway through, I'm like, you son of a bitch. You guys shouldn't do that. But at the end, I'm like, I'm fine. I'm not gonna lie I will watch it I watch it all the time and like halfway through I'm like
you son of a bitch
you guys shouldn't do that
but I'm like
at the end
I'm like
I'm fine
they were some pretty funny jokes
yeah
they got some funny stuff in there
so do the theme song for us
the simpson Ollie. You know what I'm talking about?
That's where he hits the Ollie.
So that Ollie, Frank Harada, an old professional skateboarder, used to live next to Matt Groening,
and he was the influence behind that Ollie onto the car.
Was he really?
That's why Bart skates.
That is a deep cut, Sean Jordan.
I know it from a Frank Harada interview,
not from a Matt Groening interview.
You don't have to qualify.
Well, you know.
Yeah, that's fine. I know Matt Groening listens
religiously, so I just don't want him to get
upset. He's a big fan of the pod. I met Matt Groening once.
Really? What'd you do when you met him?
I was there with...
Forgive me if I've told the story in the pod before. I don't think I have.
I was having dinner.
It was one of our first dates. Me and
my now defunct girlfriend.
More fun weather than saying X.
My former girlfriend, current very good friend, Amanda Armstrong and I.
Who is super cool.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, calm down, Sean.
Thank you very much.
Nice to meet you.
Once in my heart, forever in my heart.
You know what I mean?
Sure.
You guys are having some bittles.
We're eating at Paley's Place in Portland, which is a really good restaurant.
Shout out to Vitaly Paley, the godfather of the Portland New Food Movement.
And we-
Had to be a godfather of it.
A man comes toddling down the street.
It's a street.
And I see him.
He comes toddling.
He's a toddler.
I saw him off in the distance.
I squinted.
I'm like, that can't be Matt Granite.
Can't be.
Can't be Matt Granite.
Couldn't be.
And then I started thinking.
I mean, we're-
And by the way, Paley's Place is in the Alphabet
District of Portland.
Where?
Which has streets known as Flanders, Lovejoy, Quimby.
Burnside, Montgomery Park.
Yeah, Montgomery Burnside.
So these are the streets.
Portland is really weird.
It is weird.
They're keeping it that way.
These are the streets where Matt Granite got the names for the characters.
These streets have always been named that.
Yeah, that's where.
Yeah.
I didn't know he was from Portland.
Oh, he's from, yeah, he went to Lincoln High School in Portland.
Okay.
He also lived in Seattle, too.
No idea.
We don't talk about that.
No.
The dark years, dude.
He was going through rehab.
So he's walking down the street, and it is him.
He comes into the restaurant we're eating at, and he goes and, like, sits down, and I'm,
like, shook, right?
Oh, yeah.
I am, like, I've only been shook twice.
It was back running, and then the sports writer, Bill? Oh yeah. I am like, I've only been shook twice. It was Matt Granning
and then the sports writer,
Bill Simmons.
And then he,
which people might think
I'm lame for that,
but whatever.
You're heroes,
you're heroes.
And she's like not phased at all.
And I'm like,
I don't want to do the thing
where like,
are you Matt Granning
and then it's not.
And then I'm like,
I have to go back.
Okay, I'm going to go eat
my pheasant or whatever the fuck.
So she goes up and like introduces herself
it is him
and then she comes back
and tells me
like fully confidently
and then I get even more shook
because now you gotta
double back
I gotta go back
I go to the bathroom
I come out of it
and like I'm just like
I just wanted to
introduce myself
I'm such
like your workman
I wouldn't be a comedian
without you
blah blah blah.
And he introduced me to his sister, Maggie, who's, like, the character's named after.
Yeah.
And she had, like, read some, I used to write a column for the paper in Portland.
And she, like, read my column.
Yeah.
And, like, all the shit.
It was so dope.
Oh, baby Maggie.
Yeah.
I met baby Maggie.
Yeah. Man. So,. Oh, baby Maggie. Yeah. I met baby Maggie. Yeah.
Man.
So anyway, that was amazing.
The theme song, equally amazing.
Composed by Danny Elfman from Oingo Boingo.
By the way, Danny Elfman, his fingers are all over this town.
They are all over this town.
He does everything.
He knows his way around some music.
Also, shout out to Oingo Boingo.
Yeah.
Only a lad.
I used to kill it on Guitar Hero.
No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. to Kill It on Guitar Hero. No shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just only that song, though.
You were a specialist.
The only song. You were a reliever.
They called you the surgeon when you were playing that song.
That one song, yeah. But that's a solid theme song. Yeah, it's really
bouncy.
It's kind of harmless.
I think it fits The Simpsons really, really
well. I mean, at this point, after 20 whatever seasons, it's so intrinsically part of it that it's hard to separate the two.
But, like, it's uplifting.
It's not serious.
It's goofy.
It's fun.
And you always get that original closer for each episode.
Yes.
And that's the great thing.
Like, I always, whenever I hear the song, I'm like, I can walk away for a little bit and then I can run back.
Got to be back by the end of it.
They get on the couch.
It's crazy.
And it's like, I mean, Pavlov's Dogbat song.
When I hear that, I'm like, get comfy.
You're not going anywhere for 22 minutes.
Get comfy.
Get comfy.
Take a seat.
Yeah, so I just love that song.
But yeah, Elfman all over the place.
Did the Batman theme and all this other shit.
God, just bacon dope music.
I think he did.
Oh, I don't want to say this because we might pick it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's another one he did.
He may come up again.
So yeah, that's my first pick.
The Simpsons.
Okay.
There it is.
Chantel Jordan.
My first pick is going to be, I don't rap a lot.
I know it sounds like I should. You do rap a lot. I don't. Don lot I know it sounds like I should
You do rap a lot
I don't
I mean I like
Don't lie to us
I like to get people presents
So yeah I rap a lot
Yeah
But I don't like spit a lot
You know
Yeah
Now this is a story
All about how
My life got flipped
Turned upside down
Now I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became
The prince of a town called Bel-Air
Here's what I'm saying
Bonus points.
Do you know the extra verse?
I was looking at you for the extra verse.
I was going to cheat last night and learn it, but I didn't want to sell everybody short and sound like a fake.
No, that's fake because I didn't know it before this.
I was just happy that I knew there was one.
I didn't until earlier on this podcast.
Do you know the extra part of the verse?
I begged and pleaded with her day after day, but she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way.
She gave me a kiss and they gave me my ticket.
I put my Walkman on and said,
I might as well kick it.
First class, yo, this is bad.
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air are living like?
Hmm, I might be all right.
Yeah.
The extra verse.
Then he dated Tyra Banks.rovert then he dated Tyra Banks
yeah
then he dated Tyra Banks
yeah
immediately thereafter
yeah that's a great
that's like
everybody knows
everyone knows it
I feel like everybody
within 10 years of me
older or younger
yep
100% knows it
and then 20 years
most likely knows it
yeah
first thing that popped
into my head
it's just
it's just fantastic
like it's a good song
it's uplifting it's fun yeah. Like it's a, it's a good song.
It's uplifting.
It's fun.
Yeah.
It tells you the story of the show.
Yeah.
It's a good idea.
In a catchy way.
It doesn't get old.
And also I wish fights were like that.
If you just pissed off three,
like huge dudes on the playground and they just spin you around a little bit.
Now you're kind of dizzy.
Don't talk to my girl again.
That's like,
that's the,
that was, that'd be the funnest fight that ever happened in Philadelphia.
One of the shitty things about writing TV shows and pilots and stuff like that is you want to give all the backstory for it.
That's what you're tempted to do when you're like, okay, well, this first episode is going
to sort of set everything up.
You don't have to do that on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
We knew.
It's all right there in the opening song.
If you watch the first episode, he knocks on,ffrey opens the door from when he knocks on it
yeah yeah yeah every show should be like that i think so yeah save us time save us a little bit
of time right yeah i don't need to watch the fucking pilot let me hop in the middle um yeah
there's some god i don't want to talk about other shows but like yeah it's like yeah it's directly
what's happening.
You know, everything you need to know.
And it introduced us to Smell You Later.
Oh, yeah.
And that handshake.
I still see dipshits doing that today.
I'm like, you don't get to do it.
They're not dipshits.
They're cool dudes, John.
Those are cool guys having a good time.
They're cool guys.
You don't get to do it.
Oh, here it is.
It's like the young pope had had that, where it was like, this is a story all about...
Cool.
Now I can hop in season two.
Also, can I just say, I'm wearing a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air t-shirt.
Oh, yeah, it is.
It's a Beavis and Butthead Fresh Prince of Bel-Air shirt.
Yeah, Fresh Prince of Butthead is what I call it.
Is that from your Legality of it is Sketchy t-shirt website?
Yeah, my gray area t-shirt.
Yeah, yeah.
They got a lot of stuff that's copyrighted that they sell.
They put out gray shirts.
Yeah, they do good work.
They do.
Yeah.
Do you go there a lot?
It's online.
Okay.
But yeah, usually.
I'll just go there and longingly look at all these shirts.
I do it.
I do it a lot.
Longingly.
Luke Longingly.
I was doing it at the airport today.
I was thinking that. That was about to come out of my mouth. Luke Long a lot. Longingly. If I'm in airports, I was doing it at the airport today. I was thinking that.
That was about to come out of my mouth.
There it is. So yeah, Fresh Prince
of Belle Isle.
That is great. I'm also taking
that off of my list.
That was a good one. I can't believe I got it.
I was pretty excited about that.
So who wrote that song? I don't know.
Do I have to know who wrote these songs?
I'm kidding.
You don't know who wrote? Jeffrey? I don't know. Do I have to know who wrote these songs? I'm kidding. Go on.
Go on.
You don't know who wrote?
Jeffrey Townsend.
Danny Johnson wrote that song.
You guys probably never heard of Danny Johnson.
Daniel Johnston.
Came up in Brooklyn.
Yeah, Daniel Johnston wrote it.
And then Kurt Cobain wore a Daniel Johnston shirt on the BMAs in 1992.
I don't know.
I maybe would have taken it in the fifth round.
Really? I just thought it would be the first song
Not you, but I kind of thought you'd
No, because I knew you were going to take Golden Girls
Golden Girls is where I'd go first
You would have taken it, David, I'm pointing at David
David would have taken it if I did
That was a good move
I would do a Black sitcom second
Because I know that's not a surefire win
You have to go for the fucking
Mainstream and then go for the...
I figured that was like the crossover.
Fresh Prince was the crossover of both.
That was a popular show, man.
It was a very popular show.
And it was syndication.
Like, our age, our whole group.
I watch Fresh Prince of Bel-Air every day.
I've probably seen every episode.
I can tell you what's going on within three minutes of the episode starting.
Every single episode.
I don't want to say any other shows, but there's other syndicated shows that are corny and
they don't hold up.
And Fresh Prince is still dope.
Oh, especially the first half.
Oh, yeah.
The latter half, when he goes to college and stuff, I still like it.
But the first half of when Aunt Viv gets back in the dance.
Oh, my God.
That scene.
And he's a good actor.
When Carlton gets shot, that's Will Smith's actual good actor.
Can I just say four words? Yeah yeah how come he don't want me
seriously see him on my you can see there's goosebumps on my arm oh I'm like I feel warm
if I need to cry seriously watch that scene I do need to cry sometimes it's so good I cry all
the fucking time I had myself a cry the other night.
Did you?
Yeah, I put on, I just started watching, went to YouTube and looked up faith in humanity
videos.
Oh, that's a good idea.
What I'm thinking is that girl that gets her cochlear implants and can hear for the first
time.
Oh my God, that'll get me.
No, she's like a grown woman with tattoos and shit, like has not heard.
She's like 25 and she can hear for the first time.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just watched one today of a baby getting hearing aids
and hearing his mom.
Oh, shit, man.
It's getting misty in here.
I'll just put on some of those
and we'll just go cry for like 10 minutes.
I don't think that's a bad idea.
I think it's good for you.
I'm actually going to try it.
You guys try it out there too on TV Land.
Yeah, let us know.
Probably the first time,
the thing that made me cry,
like cry laughing the most
is the scene
where him,
where Will Smith
and Carlton
dance to Apache.
Oh God,
it's so funny.
Bing, bing, bing.
And then Aunt Viv
comes in
and she says,
Carlton,
and he says,
Mommy,
and covers his lip.
Yes, Mommy.
I'm telling you,
I'm like a surgeon
with this dude.
He's such a good
I'm surgical Jake
how you want it
you want a DVD
laser disc
yeah that show
is the best show
I don't love
Will Smith as a rapper
as much as I do
love him as an actor
well they did it
in Dope already
but Summertime
is a classic
it is good
other than that
the song is great
also that song
Boom Shake the Room.
No, I don't like anything else.
It's cool.
I feel like Not Like Will Smith is a tired opinion, and I'm ashamed of myself for having it.
They say Nas wrote Big Willie style.
Did he really?
Well, if you listen to him, it's like a Nas-type flow.
Oh, yeah.
Also, if you're going to tell me Miami isn't a good song, you can be honest with me.
That's a great hook.
Wild Wild West is catchy.
I learned-
Parents Just Don't Understand.
Nightmare on My Street.
Nightmare on My Street is a great-
That is a good song.
I think it's because I loved him so fully as an actor before I even ever tried to get
into the rap.
Also, none of us are talking about the disgrace that was Will Enium.
Will Enium was weird.
Big Willie style.
Okay.
Will Enium was bad. You know, I believe that's what-ennium. Will-ennium was weird. Big Willie style, okay, Will-ennium was bad.
That's what made Trump happen.
Will-ennium? I think that that's
what started it. He wouldn't have been president in a millennium.
No. You get a Will-ennium,
yeah. But at least we were spared the Will-i-ennium.
With small things to be thankful for.
Of X-Men fame,
Will-i-am. Will.i.am.
Will.i.am, yes.
David, it's time for your first and then second picks.
So my first pick, I got to go with, so I was looking at it,
and it's like basically the songs I like to sing the loudest,
because I'm loud, we know that.
Sure.
And the first one I'm going with is the Family Matters theme song.
Oh!
I wanted that one so bad. I had to get Oh! I don't want to know.
I had to get it.
That's why I was scared that you would first.
I should have done it.
I was sitting here like, do I want to go last?
I never heard you make that sound.
I want that song!
I love it so much.
Get it started.
How does it start?
It's a real raspy voice, right?
It's a rare condition in this day and age
to read any good news on a newspaper page.
Love in addition to the grand design, some people say it's even harder to find.
Well, then there must be some magic inside these gentle arms.
Because all I see is a tower of dreams
real love bursting out of
every seam
please
go back
we're gonna fill our hearts
with gladness
no, don't stop
it's the best
man, I don't even know
you know how some people have some shit,
and you just think about all the greatest parts of America?
Uh-huh.
That's what that song does for me.
And the intro, and it's just like the grandma's reading
the Rolling Stone in the intro,
and then it has them all riding their bikes through Chicago.
Fuck, man.
That's a perfect.
It's perfect.
You just can't beat it.
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rules and restrictions may apply. It's so good.
It's so good.
It's called As Days Go By by a man named Jesse Frederick.
Did he do another?
He did other theme songs too.
I'm looking them up right now.
Did you know he actually also wrote.
We probably shouldn't say them because other people are going to.
That's true.
Oh yeah.
Oh he did.
Yeah.
He did do a banger.
He did a few bangers.
A couple bangers.
He did like.
He's like.
He was the go to.
What a guy to be.
Whoa, look at him.
I know.
You don't know what you think he looks like?
I got to see what he looks like.
It's like seeing my dad for the first time.
Dude, I don't know if you're ready to see what he looks like.
I don't know.
It's like the first time I saw him.
Let's hear what you think he looks like.
First, I want to hear what you think he looks like.
It's like asking me what does God look like.
There's not a face on it.
Okay, so this guy doesn't have a face.
No, I imagine him to look like. I'm going to give you four options as to what what does God look like. There's not a face on it. Okay, so this guy doesn't have a face.
No, I imagine him to look like.
I'm going to give you four options as to what you think he looks like.
Hefty.
I'm giving you four options.
Does he look like sort of like a.
First, like a Barry White is what I want. Hefty, like he could walk into any bar in New Orleans and start like sit down at the piano and he'd be able to fit in with any band.
That's option A.
Okay.
sit down at the piano, and he'd be able to fit in with any band.
That's option A.
Okay.
B, does he look like he runs a sort of a clover honey farm in New England? You don't even have to say anything else.
He just owns it.
He's not there all the time.
Well, he's got other stuff.
He has other – that's not his main job, but he bought it,
and that's kind of what he likes to do, get away on the weekends.
He likes to wear a thick wool sweater and go do that.
Okay. And go do that okay
yeah does he look like he really got into wesley snipes's character from demolition man like a
little like a little too much in the 80s kind of like he's in that band cameo yeah yeah yeah
he saw that really like adopted that as a style that could have been and uh maybe simon phoenix
is a character from yeah Immersion Man.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Simon Phoenix?
Sort of held onto it too long.
I'm talking about like one earring.
Uh-huh.
One heavy earring. Like a pirate hoop.
Yeah.
Touches his shoulder kind of.
Right, yeah.
Or does he just sort of look like
you'd see him at maybe like a hometown buffet.
Maybe like the hometown buffet
you recently got recognized at. Shout out hometown buffet.
Sitting across from you
stuffed into some Dockers
and it's like, holy shit, that's the guy
who wrote the Family Matters theme? Oh my god.
I'm gonna go. Which of those four?
I think Clover Farm.
You're 100% right. That is a Clover Farm.
He's Clover Farm. I see.
Oh shit, that's what I thought it was.
Oh, he looks like he invented Nantucket nectar.
He does.
Oh, my God.
Exactly.
I'm so glad I nailed that.
Holy shit.
You really nailed it.
For some reason, I could feel it in my heart.
Yeah.
I could feel it in my heart.
But also, the way you described it felt so natural.
I could taste the honey.
It felt right.
I could taste the honey.
I wouldn't be surprised if that's what he did with his mommy.
I bet that is what he did.
Yeah.
He's got that honey money.
He was, they really brought him as like a specialist for it.
Like I'm looking at the list right now of the theme songs.
I'm not going to say any, but like that he worked on.
Here's my question.
Yeah.
Where is that dude's biopic?
Where is that dude's biopic?
That's what I want to see.
He probably just lived a very boring middle of the road life.
Yeah.
No, I bet it's sexy.
And these songs are just in his heart.
These songs are just...
Maybe he couldn't express himself in any other way.
I bet he never told his kids he loved them.
Yeah.
He's just like...
What if he's just unhappy?
Because the first thing he starts off with, it's a rare condition.
Yeah.
This day and age of reading the good news.
He's getting it.
Wow.
Wow.
Low note.
Low note.
Low note.
I think that he couldn't express himself.
And when he died, his kids were like, I don't even care.
I don't care about my dad.
He didn't love me.
Yeah, he's a jingle guy.
But he was mean to us.
And he left a letter.
And he said, this is you.
All these theme songs are how I felt about you, my children.
Oh, man.
He's still alive, by the way.
OK.
Well, when he dies.
I'm just going to say say You know the tragedy of
Jesse Frederick
He probably got into music
He wanted to be like
Somebody who put out albums
And he's
Not even arguable
I think he's the most successful TV theme composer
Of all time
And he probably wasn't that happy about it
You know what I bet bet he fucking loved it.
I hope you're right.
You don't have that wind-swept hair look
if you're not loving life.
That's true.
That's a content man.
You're not loving life.
The wind doesn't sweep sad hair.
It's true.
Yeah, that is...
It just stays down and matters.
The wind doesn't sweep sad hair.
It's true.
It's true.
Fucking etch that into a temple.
This wind isn't for the melancholy.
This podcast is free.
This is a free podcast.
This has been everything I've wanted.
One round in and I'm so happy.
David, it's time for your second pick.
So my second pick, another back in the day TV show.
I don't ever know the beginning but
when it picks up in the middle i always get it yeah but this coupled with what the intro of the
show was was so beautiful i'm going growing pains oh i know i forgot about growing show me that
smile show me that smile don't waste another minute on your crying We're going near the, you know we're near the
Best is ready to begin
As long as we got each other
We got the world spinning right in our hands baby
We're gonna shine all the time
We got each other all the time.
We got each other sharing the laughter and the love.
Marry me.
I want to have a baby with anybody right now.
If there's not a song about domestic bliss more than that,
I haven't heard it.
It's so beautiful.
And then when you watch the intro,
it shows all the kids and the parents
going from like children to adults
it's like i just want a family i just want a fucking family when i walk first of all i should
i this is the reason why i wish i had that double pick now because when you did this to me
i'm now so upset because these are these are you're moving out by the way
by the way two two weeks in a row with my roommates.
Yeah, it's just fuck, man.
It's so good. It's so good.
You feel so...
Like, it's another thing.
There's another song that I feel like it does...
It's not as literal as Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but it does show you what...
This is what this is going to be.
However, I'll say this.
The theme song is for sure better than the show.
Yes.
The theme song is for sure better than the show. the theme song is for sure better than the show
Alan Thicke though
Alan Thicke is great
he's a great TV dad
Kirk Cameron was pretty but there was nothing
I didn't give a shit about that character
that was his show his friend was Boner
Boner was his
every episode they were like what Boner
yeah
I think we need to do a fucking
big shout out to all the psychic characters out there in the world who are just barely thriving
waldo faldo maxine oh six six six jenna von oi yeah like all the psychic characters live in
first of all all the stories are much better than the actual main storyline yeah six like six was crazy
our parents are neglecting us yeah yeah i live in my neighbor's house that is where the the writers
would like go in to be like i'm not just a fucking sitcom writer you know yeah like fucking sean from
boy meets world jesus christ he had to live with his teacher. Real name Ryder Strong. Ryder Strong. Ryder Strong.
Real name is debatable.
Yeah, that's at least his name.
If I was 15 and had cool hair and was a white kid in 93,
they'd be like, name yourself.
There was some point after Puggy Brewster that they were like,
the main character can't be the sad story anymore.
The psychic character gets a sad story.
And they could make him super sad.
Yeah.
The teenager who lives in a fucking box outside.
We have too many orphan kids.
We're going to do these real families with these happy choice.
But this weird ass kid that lives next door is going to be really sad.
The next door neighbor kid was always like, you don't understand, Corey.
Totally.
He'd wear a leather jacket and it'd be cool.
But he's like, you don't understand what comes with this leather jacket.
Sean always talks about living in the trailer park, which if you watch that show now, you're
like, oh, fuck.
Yeah.
You'd be like, we're going to kidnap some kids and take them to the trailer park.
I feel like each one of them had a suicide storyline.
Yeah.
Very sad.
Oh, yeah.
People dying.
I wasn't happy.
Poor Boner.
I feel like he got caught stealing.
Poor Boner.
Poor Boner.
Poor Boner.
The theme was written by and performed by BJ Thomas.
Okay.
Who's known for that, you know that song, Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head?
Oh.
Raindrops keep falling on my head.
Alan Thicke also wrote a theme song, but not for that show.
No.
What was it?
You know who should have watched a little bit?
Oh, I know who it is.
Okay.
You know who should have looked it up?
Should we say it?
No, don't say it.
Okay.
Well, I'm probably going to choose it. Oh, yeah. We'll wait. We'll wait. It's in my reserves, so, don't say it. Okay. Well, I'm probably going to choose it.
Oh, yeah.
It's in my reserves.
It's in my reserves, so I don't want to.
Also, maybe Robin Thicke could have stand to watch a little more.
A little more wholesome programming.
A little more family values for that guy.
A little more of those family values.
That's why Robin's the way he is, because Alan was putting all his effort into fucking
growing pains.
Robin's at home watching Red Shoe Diaries.
In Canada.
Red Shoe Diaries. I Canada? Red Shoe Diaries.
I was watching Red Shoe Diaries.
Shout out to everybody's first movie they saw.
Yeah, shout out to Duchovny.
Common David.
But yeah, Growing Pains.
I love it.
I love it coupled with the intro.
Really just makes me feel.
Beautiful pick.
Sean, it is time for your second beautiful pick.
What would you do if I sang out of tune?
Boom, boom.
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song.
I was trying not to sing.
Oh, man.
I need help from my friends.
I wish you guys could have seen his face.
Sean went full Joe Cocker.
He did go full Joe Cocker.
He went full Cocker.
Sometimes you don't come back from that.
I couldn't be a musician.
I'd cry at every show.
I couldn't do it. That song is so good. I don't care what anyone thinks. I couldn't be a musician. I'd cry at every show. I couldn't do it.
That song is so good.
I don't care what anyone thinks.
Better than the Beatles version.
Yes!
100%!
Fight you to street. 100%!
I'm the biggest Beatles stan of my age group.
And I will happily admit that Joe Cocker's version is the superior one.
It's so guttural.
Have you guys seen it live?
When he does it live? Yeah. Or when Belushi
did it. Belushi's version is better than the Beatles.
That song? Yes.
When Joe Cocker does that song, it's kind of like that
dude in Indiana Jones when he reaches in
and grabs his heart with his bare hands. Oh, yeah.
Joe Cocker's doing that with the lyrics, and he's not ripping it out.
He's just massaging it. He was, man.
And as an intro song,
you wouldn't think, but then when you watch
it, because remember the
one of your intro had like the like it looked like
the film yeah like a like
home movies yeah and it was just like I always
remember like Paul waving
into it and then like
Winnie Cooper tossing the ball to Kevin
that shit was good man
it's probably the only Lennon McCartney song
that's gonna end up on this list that was a good
gift yeah good yeah my mom when she when she heard about those rumors that Paul was It's probably the only Lennon-McCartney song that's going to end up on this list. That was a good guess. Yeah. It's a good.
Yeah.
My mom, when she heard about those rumors that Paul was Marilyn Manson.
Oh, sure.
She was the one.
She goes, you know, Paul's Marilyn Manson.
And he had one of his ribs removed so he could blow himself.
Your mom said that. My mom said that to me.
That's hilarious.
That was insane.
That's so funny.
And I'm like, I go, mom, boy, I'd bet dollars to donuts that none of that's true.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know.
But I'm just guessing.
That was her first hot gossip she got her hands on with the internet.
God, life over the internet was dope.
Yeah, you could just say shit.
You could just say stuff.
I would have loved to have had that job.
If there was just the Office of Believable Conspiracy Theories,
and you would just sit there and like, I don't know,
like a shadowy government figure just pays you to
come up with
believable shit
and then you
infiltrate like
like I'm pretty sure
they took like
one 10 year old kid
who was a little
too tall and had
like half a mustache
and told him that
Mountain Dew
makes your dick
smaller and then
it just went out
and then everyone's
like Pop Rocks
and Coke
tell everyone
tell everyone
Marilyn Manson yeah tell everybody this world. Tell everyone. Marilyn Manson.
Yeah, tell everybody this shit.
Go tell everyone that Marilyn Manson.
Marilyn Manson can't get people to blow up.
Yeah, tell me he takes that risk.
Yeah.
Go tell everyone that Richard Gere had to get semen pumped out of his stomach.
Oh, you mean Richard Gerbil?
Yeah.
We discussed semen pumping the last time I was here.
Listen, guys, it comes up a lot.
You know? It comes up. That's why you got to get it pumped here. Listen, guys, it comes up a lot. You know?
It comes up.
That's why you gotta get it pumped up.
It comes up.
It comes up.
All right.
Better than at all.
There we go.
It's such a good fucking song.
Yeah, it is.
I binged on that show.
Remember when I first moved in?
I binged on that show a couple years ago, too.
Yeah.
Watch the intro every time.
Yeah, it's a good intro.
It's so good.
I kind of cry a little before the show starts.
His dad's happy most of the time.
You're like, where'd that guy go? Where'd the happy dad go?
The show is definitely...
He went straight into punching that time card.
Much sadder family when he watched the show.
Listen, I put doors on Chevys for
17 hours a goddamn day so we can eat
steak once a week. It also...
The nice thing about A Little Help
From My Friends is it inspired the West side connection lyrics what would you do if i popped your whole crew would
you run like a bitch from me would you run like a bitch blank don't test because i come from the
west yes the w-e-s to the t the way, shout out to my boy Dub C.
Go to my Instagram.
I got pictures with him.
It's not a big deal. Blank don't test.
For the song Three Time Felons.
Oh, man.
Holy fucking crap.
That's so funny.
That's good.
Totally.
Let me.
There's a reason I was looking forward to this all day.
Yeah.
It's how it opens
It's Ice Cube
What would you do
Just do it again
What would you do
If I popped your whole crew
Would you run
Like a bitch from me
People don't test
Cause we come from the west
Yes
The W-S
To the C
That's like
That's probably one of the better things that's ever happened to me
What you rolling like a bitch from me
We need to get into the studio and have you record
Yeah
I'm ready for it If anybody wants their ringtone of me What you rolling like a bitch from me? We need to get into the studio and have you record. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Holy crap.
That really needs...
I'm ready for it.
If anybody wants their ringtone of me using Astro Cocker.
Oh, man.
Get up and head gum.
All right.
So that's my second pick.
Beautiful pick.
That's such a good pick, dude.
Yeah, that's great.
Shit, now I have to go?
Yeah.
Let's take a commercial break.
Oh, let's take a commercial break.
Yeah.
Shout out to Super Producer Marissa, and shout out to our sponsor for this episode of All Fantasy Everything, our good friends at HelloFresh.
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Thank you again to our wonderful sponsor, HelloFresh.
And now back to the draft.
It is on me to make my second pick.
HelloDraft.
HelloDraft.
My first pick was pretty whimsical, lighthearted. Okay. Are you going to twist the knife in me? I would love to. No, no, draft. Hello, draft. My first pick was pretty whimsical, lighthearted.
Okay.
Are you going to twist the knife in me?
I would love to.
No, no, no.
I would love to get away from that, but I can't for this next one.
I got to stay whimsical.
And we're opening with It's the Muppet Show. Oh, no.
Damn.
Yeah.
It's time to play the music. It's time to light the lights. Bust, damn. It's time to play the music.
It's time to light the lights.
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.
Tell them.
It's time to put on makeup.
It's time to dress up right.
It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.
Say what song?
That'd be a fun thing to rap over.
Yeah, I don't know how Gucci hasn't done it.
That could be like a Maya song
or something. Maya?
Okay.
Very interesting draw.
I want her back.
That could be a Maya song.
First of all, she released an album last year.
No, she broke up with me like 10 years ago.
I'm just saying I want her back.
I'm trying to... No a that is a fantastic choice well we're not getting away
from the maya thing just yet yeah let's just yeah it's a really i don't really hear this
so lady marmalade came up on my youtube shuffle at work today okay she's on the mental yeah
you're listening to youtube shuffle at at work? Uh-huh.
You're on Spotify or like?
I just like to let YouTube pick sometimes.
Okay.
Some crazy shit comes up.
Like Lady Marmalade.
I'm with it.
And then, you know, Pink's in there.
Anyway, that's not what I'm talking about.
It's a great song.
Maya.
What is it about the Muppet Show theme that you think Maya would like really?
It just sounds like something she could sing over.
She did sing that Rugrats song with Blackstreet
oh that's a good one
I didn't want to say
that but that's
you know where
I didn't want to bring
up the other theme song
but nobody was going
to pick the Rugrats
right
no no no
maybe
but it's a solid
theme song
since we're not
I think that is also
Danny Elfman
that was one of the
ones I was going to
bring up
that song is awesome
but yeah she did
the song over the
like you did
take me there
I want to go there
um what was it okay Blackstreet and Maya and also Mace That song is awesome. She did the song over the, like, you did Take Me There, I Wanna Go There.
What was it?
Black Street and Maya and also Mace with his brother.
Mace's little brother, only on that song.
I don't even remember what his name was.
I can't remember, but it was him, Mace, and his little brother were rapping on that.
Laura's first pick would have been The Muppet Show.
Would it have?
It's just so great.
It feels like show busy. It's like a big bombastic. Because it is. That's a good... It's just so great. Yeah. It feels like show busy.
It's like a big bombastic...
Because it is.
It's a big production.
It is vaudevillian.
Yeah.
The Muppets made me like show business.
Totally.
Watching the Muppets, you're just like, oh, this is cool.
They're like friends making a show.
It's these puppets working the industry.
Yeah.
It's so cool.
It's such a weird thing because they explain the industry the entire time.
The whole time.
And even just like how shows work and stuff like that. are times working like because i've worked i mean i work on like
daily shows and there are times the coolest when it does feel like you're working on like the
muppet show yeah every now and then when they're like leading a llama through the back you know
there's like a llama walking by and then like uh you that like Dame Judi Dench is in that room over there like near the llama and then you're going over a script with like the host of the show and you're like, where the fuck am I?
I ordered a salad here earlier.
It's like, yeah, a minute ago I was like pissed because I was at work and right now I feel like I'm in like some sort of like showbiz wonderland.
Where the fuck am I?
Right now I feel like I'm in some sort of showbiz wonderland.
Where the fuck am I?
And yeah, the Muppet Show just does a great job of like,
plus then on top of it, it's like, what is it, a tuba in there?
Yeah.
That's what that is, right?
Yeah, it's a tuba.
It's got to be a tuba.
A tuber.
It's a tuber.
And then you get the characters singing the song and everything.
I just wonder how Gonzo has sex with a chicken.
He does, though.
He does, but how? He does, how? That's for sure what they're
doing. Yeah, they're fucking...
There's a few seductive moments
between him and the chicken. You're like, wow.
That's the next domino to fall, by the way.
Weinstein.
Gonzo.
And then after that, Miss Piggy.
I feel like she's touching assistant.
Shout out to Zach, man.
Zach's got the best... Yeah, it's good. He's so assistant. Yeah. Shout out to Zach, man. Zach's got the best.
Yeah.
It's good.
It is a good. He's so good at it.
Toscani.
You probably, if you spend your whole life practicing it by yourself.
Yeah.
Toscani, who's been forever banned from all fantasy everything.
Not by us.
We'd love to have him, but the LAPD said.
Also, the fans very nervous on the vote with Toscani.
All the fans are like, I voted for Zach because I don't want him to kill me.
The FBI asked us to not disseminate
his terror
messages anymore.
I'm on the 16th floor at work and Zach's
outside on the scaffolding washing the window with blood
staring at me. So what does that mean?
I don't even know how he got up there. He doesn't do that job.
He's at the gym every day.
Oh my god.
You go every day, don't you?
That's how you get the strength to murder. He doesn't have the will for it. He's at the gym every day. Oh, my God. He goes every day, don't you? Well, that's how you get the strength to murder.
Right.
He doesn't have the will for it.
He's just got the strength.
That's all that matters.
But the Muppet Show, it kind of sets up the show really well, too.
A lot of the different characters are in it.
It's time to get things started on the Muppet Show.
It's time to light the lights.
I'm just into it.
If that came on at a party And I'd had four drinks
If I'd had four drinks
You would never get me more stoked than that
Also name another show
That has a spot for it's hecklers
Yes
Has a seat and a balcony for it's two main hecklers
Because they respect live entertainment
Yes
They respect the vaudevillian tradition
They'll be there for every show
They hate the fuck out of it.
Oh, they can't stand it.
But they will get out of their mansion.
Yeah.
They win things.
Statler and Waldorf.
Those people, those are rich ass names.
Oh, yeah.
Solomon, it's time for your second and then third picks.
As it is.
Okay.
A serpentine.
I'm going for Saturday morning cartoon.
Okay.
I'm going for
Life is like a hurricane
Here in Duckburg
It's cars, lasers, airplanes
It's a Duckburg
Might solve a mystery
Or rewrite history
DuckTales
Woo!
Tales of daring new bad? DuckTales. Woo-hoo. Tales of daring do bad.
DuckTales.
Woo-hoo.
Man, that shit went.
It did go.
That went so hard, man.
That song is a duck's life.
There's a danger just behind you.
There's a danger.
How to find you.
It's a great song.
It's just a good song. It is. It's a great song.
It's just a good song.
It is.
I was a little older than Saturday morning cartoons.
I was like 10 or something.
What are you older?
What the fuck are you talking about? Well, I mean, I was thinking like six when you were a kid.
We were all getting laid at 11, John.
No, I'm thinking.
You were.
You were.
I was thinking like six-year-old, you know, kindergarten kind of thing on Saturday morning cartoons.
For sure. I was like listening to that song-old, you know, kindergarten kind of thing. That was for 10-year-olds for sure.
I was like listening to that song playing the video game.
The video game.
It's so good.
DuckTales video game.
It's so fucking good.
It was SNES.
It was one or the other.
I think it was SNES.
I think it was as well, yeah.
I thought it was Sega.
Well, it was on SNES.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, the video game was amazing.
It's a great damn game.
That song was so good. It's fun. And now I'm just sad for you, Sean. video game was amazing it's a great damn game
that song was
it's so good
it's fun
and now I'm just sad
for you Sean
because you hit the streets
so early
I'm not saying
that I didn't love DuckTales
I'm just saying
I liked it more
as an older kid
I thought
no it's really fine
it's a great
I love that show
I used to watch it
after school
because there was
a bunch of other
Disney cartoons
at the time
but that one was the perfect song of them all.
I like the other ones a lot, but that one's just like, I'm here.
If you do a test where it's like, hey, let's take out the...
The song is obviously...
It's a duck blur.
The song is obviously about a cartoon,
but if you took that same melody
and you put in just different words
and made it about just Saturday nights,
that song would have been a hit.
Maybe Bruno Mars would sing it.
Yeah, it could have been
the Bee Gees could have sang it.
Right?
They totally could have.
Or Maya.
Yeah.
Funny you should bring out Maya.
Maya would do a great job
bringing that song.
Maya would have done
that song justice.
I'm a big fan of Maya.
Life is like a mystery.
It's like she was here.
That's not how she was singing.
That wasn't Maya.
That was actually Solomon.
Yeah, that was just me.
But I also, though I think that show did soften us up towards billionaires being good people.
It did.
That's where Trump started.
It also paved the way for Trump.
Because he was a dick and we loved him.
We were just watching him just swimming in money.
And we were like, yeah.
Yeah, of course.
He was like, his own nephew was like, please, can I borrow some money?
I'm very poor.
And he's like, no, no, no, no, no.
That's Tiffany Trump.
And they had the most adorable voice.
You remember their voices?
Oh, yeah.
Uncle Squooch.
Oh, God.
Oh, so good.
So, man, those were good voices.
Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
Yeah.
And what was the little girl's name again?
Gwendolyn.
Nope.
That was not right.
Gwendolyn was on Family Matters. That's a big guess.
They had Launchpad in there. Launchpad McQuack.
Oh, Launchpad. He was
all buff. Remember how buff he was?
His huge jaw. He was a swan.
He was like a pelican. He's an inept
employee, but they still
he crashed the plane
every other episode?
You gotta keep him around. You're a billionaire.
The kids love him.
He's got to be there.
They love him.
He's like their uncle.
Yeah, more than their uncle is.
Also, what happened to their parents?
Were they unfit?
Did they ever talk about that?
They never talk about their parents because keep in mind, Uncle Scrooge is their grand
uncle.
Donald is, I think Uncle Scrooge is the father of their parents.
No, wait.
I can't even figure it out because there's Uncle Scrooge, Uncle Donald, and then it's
Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
It's Howard the Duck.
He's a...
Yeah.
Because also, Donald Duck's uncle is Uncle Scrooge.
Yes.
So Huey, Dewey, and Louie are cousins?
They're brothers.
Brothers.
But they're cousins to Donald?
No, that's their uncle.
That's their uncle.
Yeah.
Here's what I'm smelling.
You know how Jack Nicholson grew up thinking that his mother was his sister?
Oh, yeah.
Maybe Uncle Donald has a problem with the sauce, can't take care of the kids all the time.
He's got to pitch them to Rich Uncle Scrooge.
They don't want the kids to feel bad.
Now it's Uncle Donald.
I hear what you're saying.
I hear what you're saying.
However, somebody who's deep in the Disney knowledge in regards to the situation, Uncle
Donald was taking care of these kids way back in the time, having to deal with them doing
so much nonsense through many adventures.
Whoa.
Okay.
We don't know who their parents are.
These are some negligent.
Wow.
But also, their real grandparents
suck because their grand uncle
is the one that's taking care of them.
Yeah.
There's a line
right there that's just sad
and dark. There's a huge tweak
problem in the dungeon.
The parents and the grandparents
are the birds that got sucked into the jet engine
of that plane. From Sully?
Sully Sullenberger.
Sully Sullenberger.
Oh, shit.
We came around the horn.
Oh, bring it back to Sully, you miter-egg bastard.
Yes, Lee.
You took out Huey, Dewey, Louie's whole entire family alive.
You motherfucker.
You son of a bitch.
You're dead.
Oh, God.
That's so funny.
Come drink for one damn day.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
But DuckTales, excellent pick.
And I really do think if you came up with different lyrics to it.
I think it would work.
Actually, I recently went to an amazing drag show.
Yeah.
And they did a version of the song about duct tape.
Duck tape?
Oh, that's clever.
About making their penis
disappear.
Oh my man,
that's so great.
That does sound good.
Tape that nut sack
to your butt.
Duck tape.
Duck tape.
It's really,
I'll pull up the lyrics
to it.
Yeah, I need to hear
about that
because I'm making up
my own and they're not
as good.
I know you're making
up your own
but the real ones are phenomenal.
I bet you could do a lot with it.
It's Will and Belly, Alaska Thunderfuck is one of them, Drag Queens, and Courtney Act.
That's good.
I'm looking up these lyrics, because they are...
I'm really upset, because now I realize my mom's listening, and she heard me say nuts.
Twice now.
Both are moms. Oh, gosh. My mom doesn't know what a podcast is, so I'm going to claim it. You my mom's listening and she heard me say nuts twice now. Both our moms.
Oh, gosh.
My mom doesn't know what a podcast is.
You're not going to tell her?
No.
This is the last thing I got.
She's just figuring out the gram.
I don't need that.
She's on the gram?
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
She's figuring it out.
I don't know if she is on there.
You're not going crazy on Instagram?
No, no.
I just don't.
It's like.
It's not like you and Fat Bunch.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
Gender's a mystery.
My dick is history.
With duct tape. Hoo hoo. not like you and Fat Bunch. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Gender's a mystery. My dick is history. With duct tape.
Hide your dick and stuff your balls with duct tape.
Man, that is good.
You almost had it.
From sack to crack snatch back that cat with duct tape.
Some of our most talented people are working in the drag industry.
I'm not good enough.
I'm not talented enough to.
I'm going to get my uncle Steve that t-shirt for Christmas.
Oh, Skroto's skin is so damn thin, so duct tape.
It is.
I knew I was going to have my mind blown tonight,
but I didn't know in which direction.
There it was.
Whoa.
It's been blown west.
I'm blowing west right now.
Saul, I'm going west right now uh
Solomon it's time for your third pick
whoa
um
how you living what
how you living what
how you living
in living color
you can do
what you wanna do
in living color
you know what
do you like heavy D's part
cause that's what
I was looking this up this morning
for the
exact lyrics
you were just
I like to think you were just looking this up and then you found out what we were drafting yeah yeah that's what, I was looking this up this morning for the exact lyrics. I like to think you were just looking
this up and then you found out what we were drafting.
Yeah, that's just what I was doing.
Everyone you find is equally kind. Everyone here is
equally kind. What's yours is
yours and what's mine is mine.
It's just all about equality is the whole
Heavy D rap. It's like, it's really
and I just love The Unliving because I
watched it this morning as well. Getting ready
for this draft. Love that intro.
With the paint.
With the paint.
And they're all, oh, gosh.
James Carey?
James Carey?
James Carey.
Fire Marshal Bill.
Yeah.
Dude, that's so funny.
Fire Marshal Bill is one of my earliest memories.
Totally.
Him sticking his hand in that meat grinder scared the shit out of me.
It's because he was scary, I think.
To me, because remember he was like a burn victim?
His mouth was like this.
I loved it.
And he's like, okay!
And he put his hand in the meat grinder.
But I'm also a little older, so I was of the age.
I was just young enough that it was very scary.
I think I'm also your age, but I'm a coward.
I might be older than you, but I am a coward.
Very much, especially as a kid, it was very scary to me.
Till the end of time, I can watch Jim Carrey as Dracula
and Jamie Foxx
as Wanda, and it is
one of the best things I've ever seen in my life.
I still laugh when I think about
Jamie Foxx as Wanda
saying, I got some lingerie.
Lingerie.
We got him on the door.
Yeah, that's a great...
It's just like that theme song is so upbeat,
and then I just like...
Because when I hear it, I just think about that.
And then right into the Fly Girls dance.
Yes.
The Fly Girls.
The Fly Girls.
The Fly Girls.
Shout out to Jennifer Lopez, friend of the pod.
Rosie Perez.
Rosie Perez.
Choreographer.
Was she really?
She was a choreographer the whole time.
How crazy.
There was something in the water with the late 80s, early 90s dance crews.
Because Paula Abdul was a cheerleader dancer.
Rosie Perez.
Yeah, J-Lo.
Yeah, they were getting their start.
We need more shows with dancers.
Are dancers crossing over the same way now?
Well, they have So You Think You Can Dance.
Oh, yeah.
So they just stay famous for dancing.
Oh, my God.
The Jabbawockeez has a Vegas show, right?
They have a Vegas show.
And they were on
So You Think You Can.
I'm going to break in
this weekend.
But guess what?
None of us know
what any of them look like.
No.
I could be a Jabberwockie.
You can't cross over
as a Jabberwockie.
No way.
You can't cross over.
We could be the Jabberwockies.
No one would ever know.
Every time we black out,
we go and be the Jabberwockies.
Wouldn't that be crazy
if we just were the Jabberwockies?
This is our passion project.
We love this podcast.
We're just trying to get a little shine on the side.
When I was at the Emmy Awards that I went to, the Creative Arts Emmys, I was nominated for an Emmy.
I heard that.
I know where you're at the gym.
What are the Emmys?
What's that? Pardon me, what? I was nominated for an Emmy. I heard that. I know where you're at the gym. One of the Emmys.
What's that?
Pardon me, what?
When I'm not at the gym, I'm getting nominated for Emmys. But I'm only bringing up to bring up how like it's kind of the one I went to is kind of like the budget Emmys.
It's still like very nice and it was cool to be there.
But it's like that's where they're giving out like the awards for like choreography like best choreography and stuff like that so those were like the famous people who showed up
where like these people from so you think you can dance and everything and all the choreographers
did like performances on the stage of their choreography that sounds sick and one of them
was cool and then the other two were like the corniest things I ever saw in my life. Really? I was like the whole time, I was like, no.
No.
That's a bummer.
Yeah, it was so corny.
I was like, it really made me realize which Emmys I was at.
The bad one.
The bad one.
It's Pizza Baby.
It's all good.
However, Julianne Hough, she's a crossover dancer.
Oh, she has quite, yeah.
She started off as a dancer and then moved on to acting.
Channing Tatum might have as well, right?
I think Anna Dewan Tatum.
I thought he could just dance.
Oh, Jimen Hansu was in the Janet Jackson video.
Really?
Yeah.
Lovely Will Never Do Without You.
That's who that was?
That's Jimen Hansu.
I've been wondering.
Kind of.
I was wondering who that dude in that video was.
Yeah, Jimen Hansu.
Fucking gorgeous. Yeah, I know. Kind of. I was wondering who that dude in that video was. Yeah, Diamond Nazi. Fucking gorgeous.
Yeah, I know.
I had my first boner around that time.
I had my first boner during that video, too.
Together.
Same time?
This is what this podcast is about.
Bridging the gap.
That first boner is so fun.
My first music video boner was Deborah Cox.
How did you get here? Yeah. How did you get here?
Yeah, how did you get here?
No, no, nobody's supposed to.
How did you get here?
That was a gay club hit for like seven years after that song stopped being popular.
Man, really was it?
There's like 900 remixes played at every gay club of that.
I think I would have such a good time at a gay club, just music wise.
Well, just go tonight. I would love to go. I really think I would like. On a time at a gay club, just music-wise. We'll just go tonight.
I would love to go.
I really think I would like...
On a Wednesday night.
That's the best night.
It's probably the best night.
Disco's still popping off in disco clubs,
or in gay clubs, right?
It depends on where you go.
It depends on where you go.
Take me to the disco gay club.
I want to go to the disco.
That was my favorite kind of music.
We should just go to Sweden and have a day.
Oh, yeah, man.
We should just go to Sweden. Yeah. You got K, yeah, man. We should just go to Sweden.
Yeah.
You got K'nex in Scandinavia.
Dude, I got Scandinavia K'nex.
We can go to a discotheque in just the coldest part of Sweden.
That's what I want, like an ice disco.
That would make me so happy.
Yeah, Debra Cox.
You never sweat at the ice disco.
That first boner where your brain knocks on your penis like,
Get up.
You got to see this.
It really was.
Love Will Never Do It.
I'm telling you, man.
That's a solid.
Believe me.
It had everything for everyone.
It did?
It had everything for everyone.
It did.
It gave us Sabato Jr., which is a-
I don't even remember what song.
Oh, Living Single.
Shit.
Living Color.
Living Color.
Shit.
Carwell, what do you got?
That's fine.
Oh, yeah.
It's time for-
I already made my picks.
All right.
Time for my third pick.
Uh-huh.
And I have a few more.
We just looked at each other and laughed.
We're having a good time.
We are having a good time in here.
All right.
So I'm picking a lot of shows that have been around a while.
Hold on one second.
That's fine.
Yeah, what are you doing?
And I thought I knew the lyrics to this better than I did.
So now I'm like a little.
There's a lot of that.
Oh.
So I'm just going to sing the part I know that's in my heart.
Fish don't fry in the kitchen.
Bees don't burn on the grill.
It took a whole lot of turning in just to get up that hill.
Where you at now?
Now we're up in the big leagues.
Don't give our turn at bat.
As long as we living, it's you and me and baby.
It ain't nothing wrong with that.
We're moving on up to the east side.
To the east side.
To the hot man in To the east side.
To the east side.
Yes.
We finally got a piece of the pie.
I love that song.
Also, shout out to Nelly.
Yes.
How hard is it to not say Batter Up?
Batter Up.
As soon as you did it in my head, I was like, I'm the first
to sing.
Murphy Lee, dude, creeping in there.
Or was that Kiwan or
Courtney B? I may have said Batter Up while we were
singing.
Yeah, that shit is so good.
It's like perfect
for what that show was. It's so good.
It's so good.
That song encapsulates the song, too, to the show,
because that whole show was just Sherman Hemsley like,
I'm rich, bitch!
That's the best part.
That was one thing everyone saw.
I'd hear somebody be like,
oh, the first time we saw Black Wealth was the Cosby show.
I'm like, motherfucker.
Sherman Hemsley!
Motherfucker.
Yeah.
You goddamn talking about. And Sherman Hemsley was like proudlyby show. I'm like, motherfucker. No. Sherman Hemsley. Motherfucker. Yeah. You goddamn talking about.
And Sherman Hemsley was like proudly new rich.
Yes.
Which was dope.
George Jefferson.
Oh, man.
Which was an inspiration.
Angry rich.
Yeah, angry rich.
It was fucking brilliant.
She's like, I've been waiting to be mean to white people my whole damn life.
Don't you fucking tell me I don't belong here.
I sat in the back of the bus.
I'm about to be mean to some of you motherfuckers today.
He was mean to everybody.
He was just so angry at Pete Rich.
So good.
Yeah, that's a great song.
George and Wheezy.
The song sounds like his dance.
Yeah, it does sound like the Sherman Hemsley, which is a very strange dance.
It is a weird dance.
It's an odd body movement.
But he, if any of us tried to do it, we would look goofy.
Him, I believe it.
You got to have that weird little body.
Yeah, you do.
It's a weird little body dance.
I love that show.
I love that song.
It's the best show about black revenge.
For now.
I was like, this is what happened if you give us reparations.
We are not going to be polite.
He was always yelling at me. Also, we go to dry cleaners, this is what happened if you give us reparations. We are not going to be polite. He was always yelling at me.
Also, we don't have dry cleaners, which is really funny.
Yeah, my dry cleaning empire became, that was the storyline.
I was like, well, first of all, let's be honest.
That's never going to happen to anybody in real life.
I don't think white people have dry cleaning.
I don't think so either.
It's like how there's way too many architects on TV.
There's so many architects on TV. In real life, there's like way too many architects on TV. There's so many architects on TV.
In real life, there's like seven architects.
There's seven, yeah. I.M. Pei, Frank Lloyd Wright,
most of them are dead.
So there's like, what, one left?
There's one left, yeah. And he's like sneaking up
to the TV writers like, make this guy an architect.
We need more architects.
We need more architects.
We need more architects. Yeah, that's a
great pick. It's such a good song, yeah. Jeannette Dubois. There, that's a great pick.
It's such a good song.
Yeah.
Jeanette Dubois.
There hasn't been a bad... These are all so good.
There's so many good TV themes.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good one.
And again, you know it was good.
Nelly Sample.
He knew.
Per now.
Don't know.
Don't know.
Don't know.
Who might be a shitty person?
Didn't some news about Nelly come out recently?
She backed down, I guess.
She backed down?
She backed down.
Wow, that's really...
I don't know anything.
I'm just saying what I read.
I think the term you need to use is retracted.
Back down is a very weird way.
Back down makes it look like Pranella was standing up there being like, girl.
Oh, no.
I meant she just said it.
She took it back.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
She retracted.
Oh, yeah.
The allegations were dropped.
Still.
Not good even if the allegations happen
They come up
You're on thin ice, Nelly
They used to be so thick
I already took you on the picture off Instagram
Of you and me hanging out where I was dressed like a viking
And I'm not putting it back up
Did you take that down?
You were hanging out with Nelly dressed like a viking
When Ian first moved here, that was one of the first pics I got
The first one was you and Kendrick, I think.
Or you and Drake.
I remember that picture.
It was me and Drake.
I met 2 Chainz, Pusha.
Yeah.
I remember that.
I was living on a couch when I saw you next to Pusha.
And I was like, it could happen, man.
Now I got a bed and four pairs of shoes.
Pusha was the only rapper
And really one of the only celebrities
Who showed up with zero entourage
Drake showed up with 18 entourage
Drake had three SUVs
Full of entourage
All dressed the same
What's the conversation like in that third SUV?
I don't know
Hey is it cool we're going to another one of Drake's things? It's mostly like,
oh, shit.
Oh, fuck that dude.
Oh, God.
Hey, Drake,
how you doing?
Oh, this dude thinks
he's so fucking cool.
Yeah.
Just peel off
and go through that drive-thru.
I don't care what Drake said.
He says more
like he's from the hood.
I swear to God.
I'm Drake's third cousin.
I can...
I'm hungry.
I'll talk to him.
Drake's not even up there anymore.
We lost Drake.
I'm fucking starving.
I'm going to call'm gonna call him Aubrey
Aubrey Graham
I'm gonna do it
I'm gonna do it
When we get there
It was Aubrey
On his fourth birthday
It's gonna be Aubrey now
I'm not calling him
Drake anymore
I don't know
He just
It's like he doesn't
Remember Canada anymore
It used to be about the six
And it really isn't anymore
It's really
It's not about the six So Jefferson it really isn't anymore. It really isn't. It's not about the six.
So, Jefferson, Sean, it's time for your third pick.
Making your way in the world today takes everything you got.
Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.
Dun, dun, dun, dun.
And they're always glad you came.
Dun, dun.
You want to be where you can't see.
The David drinks Cutty Sark. You want to go where everybody knows your name.
Cutty Sark, PBR.
I feel like that's your cheers.
I really appreciate it.
That is a good song.
You ever heard the full version?
Yeah, it's a whole song.
Real strange second verse.
I don't know that I knew it was a whole song until last night.
Oh, so, dude, the second verse, there's one line where it's like,
and your girlfriend is a boy.
There is. Yeah, it is. line where it's like, and your girlfriend is a boy. There is.
It is.
Really?
It's a real weird song.
It's a very much like a.
Strange song.
I can't find.
You got to look at the real song.
Is that just for the theme song or is it like a real song?
The coffee's dead, the morning looks bright, and your shrink ran off to Europe and he didn't even write, and your husband wants to be a girl?
Oh, yeah, that's the one.
Did you know those were the lyrics?
No.
Yeah, I looked that up a lot.
Chattatoo is always a dark shadow.
It really goes off the rails.
That's a whole different show.
Chattatoo gets wheeled.
That's a very specific set of problems.
First verse, the guy just wants to go get tore up.
Second verse, his life's in shambles.
He doesn't know what's going on. Gary Portnoy. First verse, the guy just wants to go get tore up. Second verse, his life's in shambles. He doesn't know what's going on.
Gary Portnoy is speaking to a very specific person.
How many people have had that happen where their shrink ran away and their husband wants
to be a girl at the same time?
I don't know.
The dude that wrote Cheers.
The dude that wrote Cheers.
The original lyrics were, singing the blues when the Red Sox lose. It's a crisis in your life.
On the run because all your girlfriends want to be your wife.
And the laundry tickets in the wash.
I don't respect this anymore.
This is like in Malibu where he's like, traffic, traffic.
There's a Ford Maverick.
Like, that's what this is.
Everybody knows a little bit tragic.
I want to hear all the lyrics to this new song.
Oh, that's all of that.
For me, in my life, you got a bunch of lady socks.
Whatever else.
But a bunch of women's socks.
So you're just singing, the cheer song is just you singing about your minor inconveniences?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My washing machine breaks some of the time and other times it works.
Everyone on my drive from Glendale are a bunch of jerks.
And my Prius is full of trash.
And your girlfriend isn't real.
He just slowly glides into eating a bullet for dinner.
That's a great song.
I think that's like a really good classic. Yeah, it just went with the iconic.
That was an iconic.
That's a solid.
This song, much like Ian Carmel, was nominated for an Emmy.
Sure.
Really?
That's a solid. This song, much like Ian Carmel, was nominated for an Emmy. Sure. Really? That's a very specific Emmy.
I think they...
Was it nominated for an Emmy for the show?
For the theme.
Okay.
For Outstanding Achievement in Music and Lyrics.
Did you see that part of the Emmys?
I probably did.
Ian clocked out.
There's an open bar, so I got up in a...
Well, it's not an open bar. It's actually a cash bar. But there was a bar, and I had to go a there's an open bar so I got up in a well I had to it's not an open bar
it's actually a cash bar
but there was a bar
and I had to go up there
the cash bar
the open bar
the other at me
I'll be sitting for a while
there was a
there was a open bar
at the party afterwards
sure
take advantage
David it's time for your
third and then fourth picks
my third pick
not a lot of words to it
very classic
love the show
love the intro
you're not the boss of me now you're not the boss of me now Third pick. Not a lot of words to it. Very classic. Love the show. Love the intro.
You're not the boss of me now.
You're not the boss of me now.
You're not the boss of me now.
And you're not so big.
Yeah.
And that song.
Life is unfair.
It was great.
It was perfect for that show. It was just about a bunch of bad poor kids.
Totally related to that show.
I love that show. They were little a bunch of bad poor kids. Totally related to that show. I love that show.
They were always,
they were little boys
who were always in trouble.
And again,
a fucking joke machine.
That show was hilarious.
That is by,
you know,
it's by They Might Be Giants.
Yes.
Who might be giants?
They might be giants.
They might be giants.
The song is by a band
called They Might Be Giants.
They might be giants.
But they could be regular people.
The people who did that song,
they might be giants.
I'm kidding, guys.
I know.
We know.
We're doing a little who's on first.
A little who's on first?
They might be giants.
They could be giants.
Who might be giants?
They could be giants.
How are they giants?
Well, they're on third.
I don't give a damn.
Yeah, no, I really like that song.
I like that show a lot.
I used to watch it after school.
And I think it just really encapsulates, like the whole show, that whole I really like that song. I like that show a lot. I used to watch it after school. And I think it just really encapsulates, like, the whole show, that whole show is, like,
that family giving a middle finger to everybody.
Yeah.
They were in it together.
Yeah, they always had their own.
And they were like, fuck everybody else.
Like, they had the grossest house on the block.
Their kids were kind of pieces of shit.
But they were like, they were just like, you're not my boss, fuck you.
As soon as somebody else called their kid a piece of shit, then the whole
family was like, fuck you, you can't call my kid a piece
of shit. And their parents fucked like
crazy. You gotta get those
demons out, dude. It was like, Brian Cranston,
I didn't even like, I love
Cranston being funny. Cranston funny is amazing.
He's so funny.
He's a treasure. He's an
American treasure. I love that guy. He's a treasure. But yeah, Tal is a great character. He's an American treasure.
I love that guy.
He's a treasure.
But yeah, so that's my third.
It's very fitting.
I mean, that you would pick the only song on here that could be considered ska or ska punk.
Once again, we discussed ska the last time I was here as well.
You have a firm pro-ska stance.
Pro-ska.
So this should come as no surprise to the Effie Diehards.
But you know what?
I think we're- Tony Hawk's pro-ska.
They might be giants that get enough love, because Flood is a perfect album. Pro-Ska. So this should come to no surprise to the Effie Diehards. But you know what I think? Tony Hawk's Pro-Ska. We should all,
they might be giants
that get enough love
because Flood
is a perfect album.
See?
And it is,
that's,
Particle Man.
Shout out to
they might be giants.
Particle Man is great.
Particle Man.
Particle Man.
Do anything
that a particle can.
No, I only know
the Malcolm X.
Oh, there's also Istanbul
was once
Constantinople
but Istanbul
was once
Constantinople
if you have a date
Constantinople
should be waiting
in Istanbul
even old New York
was once
New Amsterdam
why they changed
it I can't say
people just liked
it better that way
anything can happen here Blue Canary and the Ella by the light switch I can't say. People just liked it better that way. Bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, ba-da-da-da-da-da.
Man, anything can happen here.
Blue canary in the alley by the light switch.
Who watches over you?
Build a little birdhouse in your soul.
Not too foot to find a point on it.
Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet.
But that's not what we're talking about.
No, that's not it.
I mean, shut up.
I got lost in the sauce.
So they might be giants.
I was going nuts.
I'm thankful for that.
Oh, yeah. So now I come around the bend on my fourth. Coming around the bend. I say in the sauce. Today might be Giants. I'm thankful for that. Oh, yeah.
So now I come around the bend on my fourth.
Coming around the bend.
I say around the bend because I'm picking who's the boss.
Love that theme song, baby.
That's another one.
That wasn't even on my list.
There's a time for love and a time for living.
Take a chance and face the wind.
An open road and a road that's hidden.
A brand new life around the wind. An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.
There were times we lost a dream or two.
Found the trail and at the end was you.
Yeah, man.
David was looking at me.
I fucking love that song.
Who's the boss?
It's like, that song also nails what that show was.
It was a show about second chances and families being merged together.
And that was a great intro because it started with the van, Tony's van, pulling up through the streets with all the leaves on it.
And then it just, oh, man.
What was Who's the Boss?
Oh, go off.
So Who's the Boss was Judith White.
And she was a divorcee.
Was she Mona?
No, Mona was her mom
who was kind of like a blanched
getting it in. Oh yeah, Angela
Mona. Yeah, and then she had
a son. I forget his name. Jonathan.
Jonathan. Little
weak nerd. And then
they get this nanny, Tough Tony from
the city, who had this kid Sam,
Alyssa Milano.
And it was about their family.
And then, like, you know, Tony and Angela
had a will they or won't they. And it was just
that show was so fun.
But to be clear, the boss is Angela.
Yeah, Angela's the boss.
She pays for everything.
It's her money. Everyone lives under
her house. Yeah, it's her shit.
And that show was like 80% of it was
in the kitchen. I like that. It was all's her shit. And that show was like 80% of it was in the kitchen.
I like that.
It was all in the kitchen.
And Tony's always cooking.
Yeah, Tony's always cooking.
But he looked cool.
He had a tank top on and a towel.
He looked like a mechanic.
Is he in there making Italian food?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
With a bowl of ice.
With the rag around his neck like he's a good fellow.
I just found out super producer Marissa loves to make a bowl of ice.
So we're going to have to peer pressure her into making that.
Hell yeah.
Can I come back for the bolognese episode?
Yeah.
The bolognese episode is just going to be us drafting compliments for Marissa.
Yes.
So who's the boss?
It feels good.
It was really good.
And just paired with the intro very well.
Because at the end, Tony slid into home base. I like that. That's such a solid. It's really good. And it just paired with the intro very well. Because at the end, Tony slid into home base.
I like that.
No, it's just solid.
It's just solid.
When he didn't, he tore his knee.
He tore his knee playing baseball, right?
Yeah, but he played softball later on.
Sure.
Sean, excellent pick, David.
It's time for your fourth pick, Sean.
Love and marriage.
Love and marriage.
Go together like a horse and carriage.
This, I tell you, brother, you can't have one without the other.
Love and marriage.
Yeah, that is...
It's like such a cool song because it's the exact opposite about that show,
but it's still like they had each other's back
Like Malcolm in the Middle
You have a Beatles song and a Frank Sinatra song
I'm blowing it
I was pretty confident with my list earlier today
I was like I figured I'd have a good one
But yeah that song is just sick
And it reminds me of like
Married with Children was the first
Kind of like edgy sitcom that I ever got to watch
We visited my aunt in Modesto No wonder we got to watch. We visited my aunt in Modesto.
No wonder we got to watch it because we're in fucking Modesto where there are no rules.
A little bit of a brag.
A little bit of a brag.
There's no rules in Modesto.
We're right outside of Stockton in Modesto, California.
Named Robert.
Watching Married with Children.
And my mom's like, what is this?
My aunt Liza's like, it's fine.
Just let him watch it.
And then we watched Married with Children with all the you know
with all the crude jokes
with all the
new pig
hand down his pants
right on his dick
the whole night
the only joke I remember
from Married with Children
is
who's the
who's the neighbor
who's like
Marcy Darcy
but who's the
Jefferson Darcy
who's the last boyfriend
who's like
Jefferson
yeah Ted Knight yeah that's the actor boyfriend? Jefferson. Jefferson, yeah.
Ted Knight?
Yeah, that's the actor's name, yeah.
Ted Knight coming out and like, he had been in the military in the show, right?
I don't remember.
He had been.
So he was talking to Al Bundy and he was like, Iraq, Iran, I'm married.
And for some reason that stuck with me.
A little eight-year-old me was like, oh, all right.
I can see why that has a good joke.
I smell what they're stepping in over here.
Each of them a different war.
Sure.
I wish your eight-year-old ass would have turned over to Ivan or Sue and be like, each one of those a different war.
That was my eight-year-old vibe.
I was a very nerdy kid.
I told you I
wrote, in kindergarten, wrote a
book and taught a unit about the Iraq War,
which was very heavy on how it was a
war for oil. You wrote a
book? Yeah.
For other children? Yeah.
About the Iraq War? It was only like
15 pages, but it was a brief summary of the
Iraq War. Wow! That is impressive. It was weird. Wow? It was only like 15 pages, but it was a brief summary of the Iraq War. But it was a brief summary of the Iraq War.
That is impressive.
It was weird.
Wow.
It was weird.
I was a weird little kid.
What do you think they...
What did anybody make of that?
I don't know.
I can't judge you.
I wanted to take my dad's leather briefcase to school.
Oh, fuck you.
There was a kid who brought a briefcase to school, and it was so fly that he opened it
up, and it just had Goosebumps books and Power Ranger toys in it.
God damn it.
Meanwhile, me and Sean were out there eating rocks or whatever.
Fucking
fireworks. I am convinced that if
the computer game
Ultima Online hadn't intervened in my life
right around the age of 12 and
taken me for four years
that I could
be in some sort of prominent position
in the world. I was such a nerdy little kid.
Yeah, you were writing politics books.
Yeah. But I ended up
finding drugs and homosexuality.
If a video game didn't step in for me,
I'd be in prison. That's what they say is going to take us all out.
That's what they want you about.
Yep.
Here it is.
Yeah, Married with Children
Married with Children
great pick
but one more second
what was that book called
oh I don't remember
probably just called it
The Iraq War
or like
Ian's New Future
or The Gulf Conflict
or something like that
I remember the drawing
on the front
was big oil derricks
on fire
Ian's New World
yeah
that's
I wish I could see that
Fahrenheit
I'm four
or five
oh man I wish I could see that. Fahrenheit, I'm four or five.
Oh, man.
The catcher in the Ninja Turtles onesie.
Oh, it's time for my fourth pick. It's time for your fourth pick.
All right.
Shit.
Shit.
It's really hard because it's like you also want to close out so strong.
There's some bangers sitting there.
I just took the Jefferson's theme song, which was sampled by Nelly.
And now I'm going to take a song that was once sampled by Sir Busta Rhymes.
The Knight Rider theme.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
That desert.
Ba-dum.
Crazy.
I fucking love that song.
It is so cool.
That was just begging for someone to sample it, too.
It's almost a rap song already.
It kind of is, yeah.
It was a real synth-heavy, but with that pulsing beat.
I was like, oh, some shit's going down.
I didn't even watch a ton of Knight Rider, but I got really into the theme song.
The intro is just, I just think about that car driving across the desert, remember?
Like at dusk.
Yeah.
That just looks like a video game.
Knight Rider's one of the rare shows that I would watch the song and be like, you know what?
I don't need the show.
Don't need the show. The song was enough.
I'll switch it over to whatever. And when Busta turned into
Turn It Up, it was so good.
Oh, God.
It's just such a good beat.
Busta's such an amazing rapper.
He's still amazing.
And also,
he's such an amazing rapper that his crew
doesn't look as good as him, even though they're all phenomenal rappers.
Yeah, yeah.
The Flipmo squad are insane.
Oh.
Raw Digger is so fucking...
Raw Digger.
Oh.
Raw Digger's buck.
Raw Digger had a video that I was scared of.
Gonna party and bullshit.
I beat that bitch with a bat.
Raw Digger from 13 Ghosts, popular Raw Digger vehicle.
Raw Digger was in 13 Ghosts? He was. He was in 13 Ghosts. Popular Rod Digger vehicle. Rod Digger was in 13 Ghosts?
She was.
She was in 13 Ghosts.
There's 13 ghosts.
I can't imagine what she was like.
Get that.
Oh, she's saying it.
Oh, shit.
Rod Digger, your chicken salad is here.
I just want to watch Rod Digger count ghosts.
Whatever I think of.
One.
Dead.
Dead.
Dead.
Whatever I think of Rod Digger, I just think of, like, she had this one, she had one single
called Imperial, and she danced around, and it was like a remake of a Jamaican song, but
just her voice was so low, and she was so scary.
I remember in the video, she says, you know it's Digger looking pretty in the video, video.
And I was like, whoa, whoa.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
Your voice is growling. She has a scary Okay. Okay, you're pretty raw. Her voice is growling.
And she is a scary voice.
Yeah, she's bucky.
Night Rider theme song.
That show.
That's a great theme.
The show, yeah.
Show, take it or leave it.
That car could have been way cooler.
But dude, what I want at some point in my life is to be moving through a crowded, dark
hallway.
For somebody at a club, somewhere where Blade might be killing vampires.
Like a Russian club. Like a Russian club.
Like a Russian club,
but I'm on my way to do some gully business.
Yep.
And then the Knight Rider theme starts playing
and I'm like, I gotta do this.
Ooh, yeah.
Bonham, bonham, bonham.
I feel that vibe.
I'm kind of like,
I'm wearing a black suit.
I have sunglasses on even though it's dark.
Maybe your hair is slicked back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's gotta be slicked back.
It has to be.
I have my hand on a sword. Yeah, oh shit, that's dark. Maybe your hair is slicked back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's got to be slicked back. It has to be. I have my hand on a sword.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
That's sword.
Let's cut him up with the sword music for sure.
Yeah.
I always feel bad about swords
because they look cool in movies,
but they never look cool in real life.
Never.
No.
Never seen a guy with a sword
and said, that's a cool guy.
Never.
Oh, that's the least.
Somebody with no sword
is more threatening
than somebody with a sword.
Yeah, because you've got a sword.
You already, that's what you're doing? Come on. You're practicing sword? That's the decision you made? Somebody with no sword is more threatening than somebody with a sword. Yeah, because you've got a sword.
That's what you're doing?
Come on.
You're practicing sword?
That's the decision you make?
I'll kick you right in your balls.
You better be ancient.
Old dude with a sword, then I'm like, oh, shit.
If you're just like 19, you're an asshole and you sell coke.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I bought a sword.
It's like when you see a sword, I just can't imagine after how it lasted as weapon for hundreds of years when somebody's like, I can just throw a rock at you.
Yeah, projectile fire is really the way to go.
I can stand four feet away and very accurately hit you with a rock.
You shouldn't be allowed to buy a sword.
You should have to earn a sword.
And then the sword would return to its place and prominence in society.
It should show up at your doorstep.
Yeah, like, oh shit, I earned a sword?
Yeah, you didn't even know.
You just, oh,
you level up real quick.
Do you remember the sword store in the mall?
Yeah, of course.
Excalibur.
You got any of the
throwing stars?
Yes.
Absolutely, yeah.
Ours was just the
military surplus store.
They sold swords,
knives, and beer steins.
Also, those rocks
where you open it up
and you think it's a rock
and it's like crystals inside.
A thunder egg, yeah.
Is that what it's called?
A thunder egg.
A thunder egg. We were a big thunder
egg. Me and my older brother were really into
thunder eggs. Bear. Yeah, bear. Shout out to
Bear Blaylock. Hell yeah. Coming to
LA in two weeks. Oh, is he now? Yeah, we're
going to have to show him a Friday. Hell yeah.
He'll fucking, he'll show us a Friday.
He will show us a Friday. He knows what time
it is. Absolute.
Absolutamente.
Solomon, it's time for your fourth and fifth picks.
Four and five.
You guys, I didn't know you guys were going to let me do a double dunk on you guys.
Don't do it to me.
I didn't know I was going to be put in this position.
Don't do it to me.
I didn't think I would ever.
Don't you do that to me.
I don't think I'd ever had to do this, but who's a black private dick that's a sex machine
to all the chicks?
Shut up. Damn, John
Chef. You damn right.
Damn it. Who's a man that would risk his
neck for his brother man? Chef!
Can you dig it?
Who's a cat that won't cop out when there's danger
all about? Chef.
Yeah, right on.
all about. Shaft.
Yeah, right on.
Shaft is just one bad... Watch your mouth. I'm just talking about Shaft.
Oh, well I can dig it.
I can dig it.
Just a quick connection.
Thelma Hopkins, Aunt Rachel
from Family Matters. That's her.
What? What? No way.
She's the one who says, I heard Shaft was a bad- She says, shut your mouth.
Whoa.
Really?
Did you know that?
Yeah, I knew that my whole life.
That's so crazy.
It was the first thing he knew.
It's the first thing I ever told.
That's and then your name is Solomon.
That's amazing.
Yeah, that's sick.
That song is fucking-
Fucking badass, dude.
It's Isaac Hayes, right?
Isaac Hayes, man.
Yes.
Badass.
That dude was great.
Scientologists took him away from us.
Yeah, because he was chef on South Park.
Chef, yeah.
Used to be fresher than wet paint.
Yeah, man.
He still is.
Yeah, he still is.
He's like one celebrity where you find it like...
It's tainted a little bit, but you're still like...
He's still more Isaac Hayes than he is a Scientologist.
I think so.
There's no way I will ever think like they will never,
they,
they don't get that part of him.
No,
no,
no,
but you like find out Beck is a Scientologist and you're like,
ah,
fuck.
But with Isaac Hayes,
you're like,
I'm not going to tell him what to do.
I'm not going to tell him how to live.
Whatever,
that's his business.
They're probably paying his bills.
They're going to pay his bills.
Giovanni Ribisi,
ah, shit. But Isaac Hayes, whatever he wants to do, he's probably right. He's his business. They're probably paying his bills. Let him pay his bills. Giovanni Ribisi? Ah, shit.
But Isaac Hayes, whatever he wants to do.
He's probably right.
He's probably right.
It's a solid theme song.
Yes.
And it's...
Shaft.
Damn right.
God, no one's been like, Ian.
Damn right.
I can't.
I've never been able to do that.
Nobody's ever responded damn right.
Also, what a perfect name.
Shaft.
John Shaft.
It's so strong.
It is.
That's a square-shouldered name.
You know you're going to have good sex that night.
Yeah.
The only name that comes close is Hardcastle.
Hardcastle is like a strong.
That's a strong.
Like I say it, and I say Hardcastle, but in my head I just see like a huge dog.
100%.
I feel like a girthy...
Hardcastle.
Like a lead dick.
Lead dick!
Officer Hardcastle.
Officer Hardcastle.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
I pulled you over to break your back.
Hardcastle. Shaft is an amazing pick. I'm going to to break your back. Hard castle.
Shaft is an amazing pick.
I'm going to ask for your...
I could keep talking about it,
but we have been here for two hours.
What is your fifth pick?
The Double Dunk.
Whatever happened to predictability?
The milkman, the big boy,
evening TV.
Everywhere you look,
everywhere you go,
there's a heart
for you to hold on to.
Everywhere you look,
everywhere you go,
there's a face
for somebody who needs you.
When you're lost out there,
you're on your own.
So gritty.
God is waiting
to carry you home.
Everywhere you look.
Yeah, it's gritty.
That song refurbished the barn on Jesse Frederick's Clover Hunter Park.
Yes.
That was him too.
That was him too.
Oh, I think I have an idea what another one of his was.
You probably do.
Oh, yeah.
Shout out to the 415, by the way, show about San Francisco.
Absolutely.
Go see those houses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over by the way, show about San Francisco. Absolutely. Go see those houses.
Yeah.
Over by the park.
They're just always going to be there.
No one's going to fucking take them down.
There's a sign on one of the houses that says, this is not the full house house.
On one of the painted ladies.
Somebody, for full house, they have somebody else singing the song.
And I'm going to be honest with you, not that crazy.
Not as good.
It's the same song?
It's the same song, different singer, with like a new poppy attitude, but still sounds
90s as fuck.
So you're like, what's going on here?
Why would you do that to us?
What are you doing to us?
It was perfect.
Go back to what it was.
It was perfect.
Oh, it's Carly Rae Jepsen.
Oh, God.
And I love her so much.
I do, too.
But we don't need that from you.
But it's not like it's, oh. Maybe Carly Rae get to step, God. And I love her so much. I do, too, but we don't need that from you. It's not, like, it's, oh.
Maybe Carly Rae Jepsen. Maybe Carly Rae get to step, son.
Yeah.
Hey. Crown him. David Borey.
You know what? I'm not going to call her.
I'm not going to call her now. Two strips of bacon on that burger.
Maybe. Was going to call her maybe. Not anymore.
Not anymore.
I'll call her. I'll call her. She's dank.
She dank. She alright.
Sean's still in. Yeah, I'll hit the digits.
Also, watch every episode of Fuller House as well.
I did not.
I love it.
I don't care.
I'm simple.
I don't give a shit.
I'm basic.
I just want...
How do they explain Michelle's absence?
They break the fourth wall multiple times to be like,
man, it'd be great if Michelle would come and visit us and do i love that i fucking love it every time that's fine i love it like you think either
of them is watching this show it's only me it's just me i'm pretty sure it's just me watching
fuller house why is she out of it um because she's there's they're billionaires they don't
care oh that's right one of them is married to a thousand year old man smoking too many cigarettes Washington Fuller house. Why is she out of it? Because she's, they're billionaires. They don't care.
Oh, that's right.
They're billionaires.
One of them is married to a thousand year old man
smoking too many cigarettes.
Right.
Isn't one of them married
to like Sarkozy's brother
or something like that?
Yeah.
That'd be so buck
if they were on that show.
But they'd also still
have to split stage time.
Yeah.
Yeah, but there's nothing like.
And now they look
drastically different.
It's just like,
they're just genuinely
like coollooking people.
They are cool now.
That would be a whack move for them.
It would be anywhere with Bob Saget.
I don't want to see somebody wearing Chanel say,
you got it, dude.
I forgot that was there.
Or just lighting a cigarette.
You got it, dude.
Yeah.
Duh.
Just lighting a cigarette.
How rude.
How rude.
Oh, you should play Michelle.
How rude.
How rude. Oh, that was rude. How rude. Oh, you should play Michelle. How rude. How rude.
Oh, that was rude.
You don't got to do it.
I'm good.
That is a great theme song, though.
I would be terrified if I actually watch either the Olsen twins just show up on that show right now.
Because they are, for sure, none of them, all of them are crispy clean.
None of them look like they've
fucked over a Linus Morissette
at any point.
Didn't one of them, didn't
the middle daughter go bad though?
She went super bad.
Hell of meth dude.
She got into meth.
She's a DJ on the show.
Her DJ name is DJ Tanner.
Do I love that as well?
Yes I fucking do. She name is DJ Tanner. Do I love that as well? Yes, I fucking do.
She's DJ DJ Tanner?
Candace Cameron married a hockey player.
Kimmy Gibbler has a brother and Stephanie is dating
Kimmy Gibbler's brother.
Did they get John Stamos back?
Kimmy Gibbler lives with them.
How is that going to happen?
Kimmy Gibbler lives there, DJ Tanner lives there.
Because everyone leaves
and the girls move in and it's the same situation.
DJ Tanner's husband is for sure dead.
Fire truck thing.
Did Joey make it?
Not too much detail.
Is it a stand-up comic?
Joey's living in Vegas, making that stand-up money.
Joey is.
I did it.
I opened for Dave Coulier one time.
He's so clean that when he flips the crowd off, he puts up three fingers so as to not
just have the middle finger up.
Right between the lines.
Yeah.
And then, by the way, he had himself a Miller Lite after the show, really cut loose after
the last show.
Left with two girls.
Sure.
Mr. Clean.
But he won't flip anybody off.
Mr. Clean went ahead and had himself a Fredo, but he won't flip the crowd off.
He had Alanis Morissette go down him in the movie theater, so I'm not surprised. I can read between those lines. He had a 19-. He had Alanis Morissette go down him in the movie theater. So can we... I'm not surprised.
I can read between those lines.
He had a 19-year-old Alanis Morissette
down on you in...
Disabuse yourself of these notions.
A dance.
A dance.
Correction.
That album came out when she was 19.
She was 18 when it was even done.
It was a slap in the face.
How quickly I was replaced.
That song goes.
That whole album does.
Yeah.
That's a really good album.
Such a jagged little pill.
But yeah, great theme song.
Great theme song.
It's one of the best.
Hell yeah.
I really want to, I'm going to say what I'm not going to take, even though it's going
to still be on the board.
I'm almost 100% sure neither of you are going to take this.
Maybe I shouldn't say it.
I won't say it.
I'll say it at the end.
Okay.
We'll do it.
We'll have a quick thing after.
So instead of this, what I am going to take is a song by a man named John Tesh called
Round Ball Rock, otherwise known as the NBA on NBC theme song.
Shit.
That's so shit.
Hell yeah.
Does that count?
I didn't even know that counted.
I didn't even know that counted.
That shit is so good.
Dude, you just get to Round Ball Rock. I didn't even know it had ana. That shit is so good. Dude, you just get to Rambo Rock.
I didn't even know it had a name.
That shit is so good.
He gets paid so much money now.
Yeah.
John Tash.
Well, it's not in use anymore.
I love the John Tash.
There's no NBA on NBC.
It's all on the ABC family of networks and TNT.
Let's play it.
Just play it every now and again in the show.
I would fucking kill it.
I would fucking kill it.
I'm sure Tash would be down.
Tash.
This footage, do yourself a favor and look up footage of Tesh performing it live.
Okay.
It's amazing.
I'll watch it tonight.
That song is so good.
It gets you so excited for basketball.
It does.
Oh, I'm just thinking about it now.
The Phoenix Suns and Thunder Dan Marley travel to Denver to take on Daikembe Mutumbu.
No, no, no.
Daikembe Mutumbu.
Not in my house.
My dad. No, no, no daikinbe mutumbo not in my house my dad
no no no
my dad is one of those
like people who's so liberal
that he's almost
circling around
to being racist again
that's a classic problem
and the way he does that
is like
he like over pronounces
daikinbe mutumbo
who said his own name
which is daikinbe mutumbo
yeah
but he
my dad is like
daikinbe mutumbo
daikinbe Mutumbu.
Daikinbe Mutumbu.
I'm like, I don't think it's Daikinbe Mutumbu.
That's weird.
But what his name really is, is Dikembe Mutumbo.
Oh, wow.
I'm not going to pronounce it. You don't even want to.
You don't want these problems.
Mpulando Makamba Janjak Wamutumbo. Well, that's. I'd like to going to pronounce that. You don't want these problems. Mpulando, Mocamba, Janjak, Wamutombo.
Well, that's...
I'd like to hear Ivan say that.
Mpulando, Mocamba, Janjak, Wamutombo.
I don't even know what country he's from.
Wamutombo, sorry.
Wamutombo.
He's a Congolese.
Yeah.
They got a lot of issues down there.
Yeah.
No.
I know.
I know.
I'm from the poorest country in Africa
I'm the only one that can do that
because I know the exact political climate in Sierra Leone
it's been better
shout out to the Coromar government
you can take over the country
with a couple hot knives
that's my plan
NBA on NBC with a couple hot knives. That's my plan.
NBA, NBC,
Rambo Rock.
This gives you so hype for basketball.
Hell yeah.
Conjures images of
Scottie Pippen,
Larry Johnson,
Reggie Miller,
Reggie Miller dancing
through your head.
Larry Bird stiffly throwing
a behind the back pass.
Oh, but since I'm hammering
it on the couch
and I'm your dad,
I'm going to need you
to watch this Larry Bird VHS that I act
like I've never showed you when I get drunk every single time.
That was my dad. That was my dad. Pat Jordan classic.
Chantel. Big move.
Sean Cougar, it is time for
your fifth pick. This
is Jeopardy!
Oh!
Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Da-na-na-na-na-na-na Da-na-na-na-na-na-na Da-na-na-na-na-na-na Somebody won Jeopardy with a dollar the other day.
Seen that.
A fucking never happened before.
It's been a season of highs and lows for Jeopardy.
I see it.
It's my favorite game show of all time.
Always will be, I think.
The super producer, not Marissa, Merv Griffin, wrote the theme song for Jeopardy. I see it. It's my favorite game show of all time. Always will be, I think. The super producer,
not Marissa,
Merv Griffin,
wrote the theme song for Jeopardy.
Yes, he did.
Really?
Yes.
Yeah, because it's
three chords, you guys.
Yeah, it's pretty easy.
Yeah, it was.
Is that like rocket science?
He didn't kill himself
to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was trying to do
cocaine off a piano
and accidentally wrote
the theme song for Jeopardy. What is that? What is that? I gotta remember that piano and accidentally wrote the theme song.
What is that?
I gotta remember that.
I gotta remember that fucking song.
Let me do the rest of this blow.
I'm gonna write a game show around this song.
He didn't even know what Jeopardy was yet.
Uh-oh.
It is classic, and it very much conjures images of being quizzical.
Of course.
Yeah.
And that was my pick for me.
That was a solid pick.
I wasn't swinging
for any hearts on that one.
I mean,
you had,
so,
I mean,
you have songs
from the recording artist
Will Smith.
You went from some hearts.
Joe Cocker.
And then you went
just clinical.
Frank Sinatra,
Merv Griffin.
You went for
the hospital of theme songs.
Really?
Yeah.
Very much.
It is the hospital
of theme songs.
Just sterile.
Just, you know.
David, it's time
for your final pick.
I wrestled with this a lot.
This is what I want to say.
It's just,
I have to go with my heart.
Okay.
And I have to go with
the Queen Latifah vehicle
Living Seat.
How you living?
In a 90s kind of world, I'm glad I got my girls.
Keep your head up.
What?
Keep your head up.
That's right.
Whenever this life gets tough, you gotta fight,
because my homegirls dated to my left.
Am I right?
True blue.
We said light blue.
We are living Living single
Yeah it was so good
It was like
That was a really hard one for me
Because I just didn't know how to close it
I had so many more on the table
Love Living Single
One of my favorite TV shows
I loved the dynamics between everybody
I loved Sinclair
I loved Kyle Next Door I loved the dynamics between everybody. I loved Sinclair. I loved
Kyle Next Door. I loved
Overton. I remember Overton.
Maxine. Maxine.
The wealthy lawyer that
freeloaded off of them.
Yeah, she was always eating all their food.
I also loved Kyle because as a kid
I think that was the coolest guy to me.
He always was wearing
vaguely African clothing and he had a very deep voice.
And he was super like a strange,
like almost London or like almost a British,
like I don't understand his accent.
It was beautiful.
Oh,
Maxine,
you scallywag.
It was like,
yeah.
Living single theme song.
He's going to say Jai Z.
Can I just say,
I wanted to go,
what's our name?
What's our, what's's the Honey Farmer's
name? Oh, Jesse
Uh...
What's the Honey Farmer's name?
He might have written... Jesse Frederick.
What I wanted to pick last, because I feel like he might
have wrote it, was the step-by-step
theme song. He did. I can feel it in his heart.
And Perfect Strangers.
I can feel his heart. I can feel his heart now. We're one.
But yeah, that's my last pick
but like
shit I had so many
do you guys have a bunch
on the
we didn't take so many
on the book
oh the one that
Alan Thicke wrote
the song that he wrote
that no one picked
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Facts of Life
theme song
oh that one was so
I wanted to take
Curb Your Enthusiasm
the one I wanted to take
was Welcome Back, Connor
only because Mace
sampled it
but it's also not a very popular one which is surprising welcome back salute your shorts I wanted to take was Welcome Back, Cotter. Only because Mace sampled it. But it's also not a very popular one, which is surprising.
Welcome back.
Salute your shorts, I wanted to take.
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
I also wanted to take Tailspin.
Tailspin Solid.
I was thinking Animaniacs.
Darkwing Duck.
I didn't know why to do Animaniacs.
Darkwing Duck, Rescue Rangers I wanted to take.
Is that we're tiny, we're toony We're all a little loony
And in this cartoony we're invading your TV
That's Tiny Toons
We crack up all the centers
Yeah that's Tiny Toons Adventures
I'm talking about
How does Animaniacs
We are zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You'll laugh till you collapse.
For Animaniacs.
That's all the facts.
Come join the Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister Dot.
That show was awesome.
Oh, there was bologna in there.
I mean, all these awesome shows.
Well, Bill Clinton plays a sax.
Yes.
Let's go.
Bobby's World.
Oh, dude, do it again.
A little bit.
Bobby's World.
Bobby's World?
Holy shit.
Bobby's World.
I can only say the name of the show.
Wow, good job.
Thank you. That was pretty dope. What's something he Holy shit. Bobby's world. I can only say the name of the show. Good job. Thank you.
That was pretty dope.
What's something he might say in that show?
I'll try to say it.
Uncle Howie.
Uncle Howie.
Yeah, that's a little wow.
A little bit?
Yeah.
Coming for your throne, Mandel.
And I'm not afraid of germs.
I get dirty.
The monkeys?
Hey, hey, we're the monkeys.
People say we're monkeys.
Also the fucking Brady Bunch. Yes. And that smart guy, both of them. The Monkees? Hey, we're the Monkees. People say we're Monkees.
Also the fucking Brady Bunch.
Yes.
I also had Smart Guy, both of them.
Which one?
Smart Guy, but both of them.
He had two different ones?
Well, he had the one that was Smart Guy.
But then he had a hip-hopped out one where Mo rapped and he said, The intelligence of a grown man trapped inside of a young brain.
There was also Mo to the the, E to the.
Yeah, Moesha was on my list.
I also had Martin because it was just six words.
I'm the man.
Martin.
The Sanford and Son theme.
Isn't What's Happening had a good one too?
I'm trying to remember that one.
Oh.
I can't remember what's...
I had Good Times though.
Oh, Good Times.
Hanging in a chair line.
Good times.
Yeah, there's like...
The Sopranos and The Wire, the HBO two-step, and Curb.
All three of those have good ones.
I mean, Game of Thrones has a pretty dank one.
I had Charles and Charge.
Charles and Charge is great.
Sister, Sister.
30 Rock has a fucking great theme song. We could literally do another one. Oh, yeah. Charles and Charge. Charles and Charge is great. Sister, Sister. 30 Rock has a fucking great theme song.
We could literally do another one.
I know.
I'm interested to hear these lists.
Oh, from people?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm really excited to see them.
So just a quick-
And like the ones we forgot, it'll be crazy.
Star Trek The Next Generation.
Oh, my gosh.
X-Files.
Those are two good ones.
Oh, dude.
X-Files still freaks my shit out.
We didn't even touch dramas.
We didn't.
We didn't touch dramas.
Oh, Tame the Hill is good. Wow. We didn't touch dramas. Oh, Tame the Hill is good.
Wow.
Like a Law and Order fucking song.
We didn't even jump out with Ballers and Entourage were both on my list, dude.
Entourage?
Yeah, that was going to be on there.
Uh-huh.
That's my least favorite part of the show, but I love you.
So to recap, Solomon, you started off with The Golden Girls and then with DuckTales,
In Living Color, Shaft, and then Full House.
I went second and picked The Simpsons, The Muppet Show, The Jeffersons, Knight Rider,
and then The NBA on NBC.
So dank.
Sean, you went third and picked The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, The Wonder Years, Cheers,
Married with Children, and Jeopardy.
David, you went Family Matters, Growing Pains, Malcolm in the Middle, Who's the Boss, and then Living Single.
God.
Jeez.
Hell yeah.
I don't.
I tried to go everywhere.
I don't even know.
Good luck voting on this, guys.
Yeah, this sucks for you guys.
I don't even want to fucking even.
It really just depends on how you spent your time as a kid.
It does.
Yeah.
It's just like what channel you liked.
The winners are us for getting some queso dip.
Oh, yeah.
And pepper jelly.
Yep.
So once again, shout out to the listeners.
Send us your lists on Twitter.
We love seeing that.
Please do.
Send us your suggestions for episodes.
Shout out to the AFE subreddit.
Shout out to HelloFresh, our sponsor.
Again, go to HelloFresh and check that out.
And yeah, tune in again next week for another brand new episode
of All Fantasy Everything.
Sha-clack-a-tee!
Damn! that was a hate gum podcast