All Fantasy Everything - Websites (w/ Jamel Johnson, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

We are coming to you live and direct from Washington DC this week to draft a topic that is on all of our minds, websites! What's better than a bunch of people getting together in a room talki...ng about what they do when other people aren't around?! Please enjoy this live episode and if you feel so inclined, buy tickets to come see more like this while the good vibes gang is out on tour! We're coming to Portland, Boston, and New York! Get your tickets at headgum.com/live. Guest: Jamel Johnson @NonProfitComic IG: @Broccolihouse Podcasts: Air Buds and  Sorry We Love Football   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, liveshows, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.    Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.com  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. Today's episode is our show from Washington, D.C. The gang drafted websites with the very, very funny Jim L. Johnson. If you want to see a video version of this episode, you can find it over on our Patreon. There's a link to it in the description. We'll be continuing our tour and headed to Portland, Boston, and New York. Some tickets are still available at headgum.com slash live.
Starting point is 00:00:34 If you live near any of those cities, please come check us out. All right, without further ado, let's get draftin'. Welcome to a live recording of All Fantasy Everything at the DC Improv in Washington, DC! recording of all fantasy everything at the DC Improv in Washington, DC! Yeah! All right! I am hungover. I told myself I wasn't gonna drink, and then I was in Washington, DC,
Starting point is 00:01:23 and I drank. I drank. We went to a karaoke bar. we'll talk about it more later but uh listen I I think I'm gonna host alone today is everyone okay with it we're finally back on the fucking road and I'm bringing out all my old road bits this is our first live show is this different I could literally bring him up. Ladies and gentlemen, you know I'm Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Make some noise for Sean Jordan! Go, please, go. Please, go. Please, go. Come on! With this magic I introduce to you an occult sorcerer
Starting point is 00:02:11 of the ancient craft of necromancy! A caster of mind-bending illusions! Yeah, you didn't think I knew the words. I know all the goddamn words to that song. Nobody didn't think you knew. Everyone thinks you knew the words. I know all the goddamn words to that song. Nobody didn't think you knew. Everyone thinks you know the words. It's the fucking Wacky Circus Gang.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Let me navigate this real quick. Go on. Does it, yeah? Man, I might take this out. We'll see. We'll see how it goes. This is so goddamn sick. Thank you so, so, so, so, so much.
Starting point is 00:02:43 This is so rad. So rad. I can't, I don't know. It's great. Whoa. It's like a list of people you're going to kill. Oh, yeah? Nuts, man.
Starting point is 00:02:53 It's all there, dude. Reba McIntyre. Yeah, you got hard feelings about Reba. Reba McIntyre? I disagree. I like her. I think she's all right. More like Reba cut the brakes to her tires, you know?
Starting point is 00:03:07 Fun. There it is. Quality comedy. Hangover's gone, right? Quality comedy of Ian Carmel. Shut up. You know it. You know this cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:03:23 He's not on Twitter. You blew it. Give it up for David Boren. Yeah, that's the song I picked. Yeah. Fuck you, man. Was that? That's not boozy.
Starting point is 00:03:51 No, that's gunplay. We'll talk about it in the car. You have so much to learn, young Sean. How are you doing, Bubba? Oh, man. So good. Yeah. We were at recessions. Yes.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Yeah, we did. TLC came on and I got on that dance floor. Shut my nuts! Yo! You walked in! I had never seen it before. You were like, you were doing eyes closed moves. I've never seen that.
Starting point is 00:04:18 I was. I was like moving my hips. Yeah. You were doing that dance where it looks like you're like pantomiming skiing a little bit That shit was so much fun you had your fucking peekaboo Street on up there. It was beautiful It was off the chains man. I kept singing these are my recession This is fun bit for me David really wanted to go to decades, but we had to shut that down. I didn't want to go to decades. Don't do that
Starting point is 00:04:48 to me. I believe it's pronounced decades. Do you believe that? We're in Washington, D.C. That's how John F. Kennedy pronounced it. That's how we're going to pronounce it. We will go to the moon in this decade. Where's my
Starting point is 00:05:04 Kennedy heads at? Yeah. That is the weirdest shout out you've ever given. Kennedy heads, dude. On this podcast. Well, it's weird because you're talking about that old MTV. Who loves the dynasty? You're talking about the old MTV BJ, Kennedy, right?
Starting point is 00:05:19 I'm talking about her, yeah. And she's on Gun Far Right. She definitely is. Which is what we've done. 301, baby. We're out here. 301. 301.
Starting point is 00:05:29 What number are we on? I think this is episode three. I think we're on number lotion. No. Don't. Don't. See, nobody likes it. No, nobody likes it.
Starting point is 00:05:41 Hold on, hold on. Here, be super quiet. Don't do it. Please don't do it. Ugh. likes it. Hold on, hold on. Here, be super quiet. Don't do it. Please don't do it. Somebody likes it. Somebody likes it. Man, that was fucking gross. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:05:55 You're a father. Yeah, not right now. I wasn't a father at recessions, I'll tell you that. Oh, you were dancing like a father. Yeah. I'll tell you that. Oh, you were dancing like a father. I love TLC.
Starting point is 00:06:11 I know you do. I love that you love TLC. We're in Washington, D.C. We're in the DMV. We had to bring one of the DMV's favorite sons to join us here on stage. We woke up Joe Biden. He's the... We woke him up. We knocked on the fucking door and said,
Starting point is 00:06:28 are you high? Because these gas prices are, Bubba. I just kept saying APR. Like, I know what that means. I was like, lower the APR. You own a home. I pay rent to my wife who owns a home. I don't even know what our mortgage is.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Somebody asked me the other day. I was like, I don't know. And I said roughly what it is. And they're like, you should probably know what it is. Do you know how many years is the... No, okay. No. It's a 30-year mortgage, right?
Starting point is 00:07:06 Fixed. Something fixed. APR, bro. I learned on Instagram. I don't know what I'm trying to... If these motherfucking dingbats would just lower the APR... There it is. This is why people tune in.
Starting point is 00:07:17 Yeah. APR talk. Car talk out. APR talk in, bro. Click and clack. Broccoli House on Twitter. Babytelemundo at gmail.com. Click and clack. Broccoli House on Twitter. Babytelemundo at gmail.com.
Starting point is 00:07:29 Babytelemundo. He's the Kevin Durant of wearing flashy-ass pants. Give it up. Give it up for Jam only what we show. Not only what we show. This is us. Ay, yeah! I was the one singing the TLC. It was me and my boy Fleetwood.
Starting point is 00:08:07 I told my man Fleetwood to come, and we both picked Baby Baby. Baby Baby Baby. Baby Baby Baby. There we go. Unbeknownst, like, I signed up for it first. He walked in 15 minutes later, and I was like, what'd you sign up for?
Starting point is 00:08:19 Baby Baby Baby? That's true love if I've ever... I swear to God, no. We was locked in. That was in the stars, bro. I was T-Boz. He was Chili. R.I.P. left. I had condoms all over me.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Yeah. That was before you heard about the TLC, though. You just had them on all your fingers. That was when you thought... Pandemic's not over. Can't be too safe. That was when you thought we were going to go to decades. I would order a drink and the bartender would tell me how much.
Starting point is 00:08:46 I'd just slide him a condom. How about it's that much? Don't spend it all in one place. That's complicated. That's complicated. Sean, when you started rolling the dice in front of me. Oh, he was rolling the dice! He was rolling the dice.
Starting point is 00:09:05 I'm trying to... I forgot. What was I doing? Was I doing the knocked up thing? Yeah, he got... You were getting low. You were on the ground. Pantomiming dice.
Starting point is 00:09:20 No, I was just telling everyone I was going to beat off later. Hence the condoms. Hence the condoms. You're gonna beat off to... I'm just like, after this song. ...moments at recessions. How are our sight lines? Sights over here, we're doing okay?
Starting point is 00:09:32 Over here, we're doing all right? Are we playing out to you enough? All right, cool. The answer was yes. It was a resounding yes, and then also a congratulations belated on your M.E.E. in Carmel. Thank you. I appreciate that. It was awesome. They all said it. They all said it. I'm more than just a reporter. Now, we are your Emmy, Ian Carmel. Thank you. I appreciate that. They all said it.
Starting point is 00:09:46 I'm just a reporter. Now, we are in Washington, D.C. Jamel, we didn't get you in on this, and I'm sorry about that. But because we're here in Washington, D.C., we have a special surprise for you here. Hey. Hey. Where my Catholics at? It's Jesuit night.
Starting point is 00:10:04 It's Jesuit night. It's Jesuit night. Get your Eucharist. Get your Eucharist up. That was a deep Catholicism. Nah, nah. D.C. Catholic as hell. Are you Catholic? No, no.
Starting point is 00:10:20 What the fuck? You can be black and be Catholic, but you can't be overweight and be black and be Catholic. If you're overweight and black, you're Baptist. That math does... I hate how good that math is. For sure, because there's way more potato salad at the Baptist. I don't think Catholics like spices. Yeah, for sure, man. They're not doing full fat mayo.
Starting point is 00:10:41 No. Olive oil mayo, like a bunch of cowards. We're wearing George Georgetown sweatshirts for the listeners at home. Oh, people are going to listen to this. Got Allen Iverson and Jerome Williams with us right now. Got the Junkyard Dog with us. Two Junkyard Dogs.
Starting point is 00:10:58 I used to wear Georgetown shit when I was about 12. I thought I was a crip. That's right. Back when you were taking baths? Did you lay out your Georgetown sweater outside of the bath? Today's going to be a good day. As soon as I'm done with this bath,
Starting point is 00:11:16 I'm going to go find some bloods. Euro stepping into a hot bath like Iverson did? Just looking down at me like, look, I have a chest hair. This is crazy. I got one. Does that mean you got jumped in
Starting point is 00:11:29 smelling like bubblegum bubble soap? Like, you smelled like Mr. Sudsy. I've told you, I got jumped in at my apartment playground. You know the playground that's always at the apartment building that you live in when you all grow up in apartments?
Starting point is 00:11:43 First place I saw a boob. So much shit goes down at those things that you don't realize goes down at those things. Everyone remembers when they saw their first boob. Did I interrupt a riff? I'm sorry. No, no. Okay.
Starting point is 00:11:54 No, of course you do. Yeah, that's... Tattoo the Earth Tour. I assume you were at a Wizards game of some sort? No, no, no, no, no, no. We're talking about our first in-person boob? First in-person boob. Real boob.
Starting point is 00:12:09 On the bus, 10th grade, Forest Park High School. Coming back. On the bus? Yeah, this girl just whipped them things out for no reason. Seemingly unprompted. You know, people throw around the term the Lord's work a lot. See?
Starting point is 00:12:30 Yeah. Mine's a darker story, so we're going to save it. It's because you were eight, you fucking animal. You were eight smoking a cigarette in a strip club. Your dad gave you a shot of whiskey. I was just there trying to get my money. If you borrow money, be ready to pay it back. That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:12:54 Now we could talk about this all day. But we are gathered here today not to talk about where we saw our first boobs. Again, Slipknot was on stage. Sick. I look back and somebody was showing their boobs to Slipknot. Like you do. And 14-year-old Ian Carmel.
Starting point is 00:13:18 I love 14-year-old you just being like, Slipknot! Oh, dude, I felt the air rise. Boobs! Boobs, Slipknot! Oh, dude, I felt the air rise. Moves! Moves! Slipknot! I felt the air rise up in me. I kneel down, I clear the stone of leaves.
Starting point is 00:13:30 It was fucking tight, dude. Of course. Oh, I love it. I love it. Wait, can we, hold on a second. Did you just heart a tweet of a dunk while we're doing this? You're on. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:39 That's the funniest shit I've ever seen. LeBron James is 37 years old, and he can still get over the rim. Yeah, I liked it. They was doing a bit, I wasn't even, yo. I wasn't even a butt. Get off your phone. What you mean?
Starting point is 00:13:58 This is how I work, man. This is how I stay loose. No, I know. I know, it was amazing. I love every single thing about you, and I always have, and I always will. Yeah. You are fantastic.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Hey, man, so is the NBA, where that dunk was from. You think I'm not going to open Paramount Plus? You think I'm not going to open Paramount Plus in the middle of this draft? That's right. Crazy. Beavis and Butthead coming soon to Paramount Plus. Whoa!
Starting point is 00:14:25 He hit you. That was tight. It's not like there's another show on Paramount+, which is the streaming partner of the CBS now. The late, late show. Come on, man. I don't do the drops. Nah, I don't do the drops. I'm a company man. I'm a company man. That's why I say Paramount+. I'm not gonna say y'all are my other ones, nigga.
Starting point is 00:14:39 I know where I'm at. We are gathered here today not to talk about Paramount+, although it may come up again. We are gathered here today to fantasy draft websites. Yeah. Website.
Starting point is 00:15:08 Jamel, this was your idea. You're on some websites right now. Do you want to talk us through it? Yeah. What's better than the internet? You know, there's a lot of sites. There's a lot of web. I'm excited to see where this goes.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Say no more. This is a top-heavy draft. Literally. This is a top-heavy draft. Yep. This is a top-heavy draft. Yep. Yo, damn, I gotta watch this. All right. I gotta mark, like,
Starting point is 00:15:31 you gotta have, like, 30 prepared for this. Bro, everyone heard the literally top-heavy, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. This was such a brutal draft because you're like,
Starting point is 00:15:40 oh, the internet. I interact with it every day. I must go to so many sites. And then you sit down to make a list, and you're like, damn, that internet. I interact with it every day. I must go to so many sites. And then you sit down to make a list, and you're like, damn, that's a lot of music and porn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I feel like everybody felt like you were like,
Starting point is 00:15:57 oh, the superhighway. I do so many things. No. No. It's a good thing that we're all, like, pretty honest. So it'll be interesting. Yeah, I can't... I wanted to lie. I wanted to be, like, number one site, FBI dot...
Starting point is 00:16:10 Stop saying pics! Yeah, that's rude. And I'm sorry, porn? Don't do that to me! Don't you fucking do that to me! It's where people fuck each other on the internet. Thought that was so brutal. Thought that was happening on bankofamerica.com.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Commentary. Ladies and gentlemen, the quarterback, Ian Carmel. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rocking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Jamel, are you loading up the rock, paper, scissors app? What's going on here? Can I just, can I tell you guys?
Starting point is 00:16:49 It's just NFL scores. What? That's the best. No, you're wrong. He goes, what? What's the, damn it. See what time the Broncos start. Yeah, you know the Broncos come on at four?
Starting point is 00:17:04 Come on, man. We throw on shoot. Here we go. Yeah, hold on, you know what the Broncos come on at four? Come on, man. We throw on shoot, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, David wins! David wins! Boo! Hell yeah, because I needed that. I needed that bad.
Starting point is 00:17:20 As the winner of rock, paper, scissors, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. All right, it isn't coming upon you, before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. It isn't coming upon you. Before you do that, I will remind you it's a serpentine draft. Oh, and what is it? Well, basically, if you pick last in the first round, you pick first in the second round.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Yeah! I didn't think it was going to be first. All right. 300-something. Yeah, give it to him. Give him his flowers. That was amazing. Man, that's...
Starting point is 00:17:57 I just want to take a second and say it is so dope that this is happening here today. Ha-ha! And I got an Emmy. Ah, that's fun. That felt fun. That was good. David, with that in mind,
Starting point is 00:18:14 what will the order of today's draft be? I'll just write down the pipe. Straight down the pipe. There it is. You putting me in the hot corner? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Hot corner! All right. Hot corner. Hot corner. Hot corners. Hot corner, hot corner, hot corners. For those listening at home, that is David, Jamel, Sean Jordan, Ian, Georgetown Carmel. Sean doggy style Jordan. Nah, man. Let's keep it going.
Starting point is 00:18:44 Sean enthusiastic missionary Jordan. All the lights off, missionary. Lights off, eyes closed. Oh, shit. Can't lose. Come on. Jeans on, team strong, lights off, eyes closed. You never had sex with your jeans on?
Starting point is 00:19:06 It's amazing. That's a future line. That's half a future line. You gotta navigate the zipper and it makes it edgy. He doesn't say it's amazing, but the first part was. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Oh, man. That's a... Jesus Christ. He's not here, dude. That's a... Jesus Christ. He's not here, dude. He ain't here. This is a different kind of church. Oh, I'm starting. David Borey, you have the first pick in the website's All Fantasy Everything draft.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Before you make that pick, we're going to take a short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk.
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Starting point is 00:21:08 You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code ALLFANTASY at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. up the first pick. I never knew that anybody understood that bit. Because it's always funny to me because we're in the room and there's no space, but then
Starting point is 00:21:49 I'm like, people listening to it, do they get that? And they do. This is a terrible riff. I'll just start. I'll just freaking start. So I had to be real. I have a bunch of ones that are more popular, but for me personally, one of the websites...
Starting point is 00:22:05 It's not porn, Shonda. And you're lying. I'm going to boost you. I'm going to take the boob site right now. Oh! I don't even know if that's still active. That was like one of the first internet sites. Of course not. It was.net.
Starting point is 00:22:20 The boob site? What an asshole. Also the butt site. Grow up. Okay, this is one of the sites I've spent the most time on. I've just spent hours daydreaming on this site, wishing that I can like really
Starting point is 00:22:37 use its wares. I'm picking NikeID.com. Oh yeah. Dude. Just like in the house. I'm going to kill.com. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. Just like in the house, like, I'm going to kill him at the open mic with these. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:51 I used to take sleeping pills and go on and design shoes and be like, that's dope. What did the pills have to do with that story? It just made it more fun because I was a little, it's like my weed for a while.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Pills? That's not good. No, man. I used to design so many... I used to design cleats on there in high school. So many terrible Air Force Ones that said hot comic on the toes.
Starting point is 00:23:22 Or some dumb shit. Going pro or some weird shit. It's amazing. You ever look up color wheels and stuff like that to find out what's complimentary? I'm going to furniture websites to look at matching patterns.
Starting point is 00:23:36 Trying to insert that. Yeah, I went crazy. And you know the crazy shit? I still have never bought a pair. Not one fucking time have I converted. I would sit there, design them, and I'd pick a color for the sole, and I'm like, no one's going to see the bottom of the shoe.
Starting point is 00:23:50 And then I'm like, it's $200. I'm not going to buy it, so what does it matter? Design what you want. You're never going to buy it. You remember the point where they were really trying to sell us on ostrich? Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:24:00 Oh, the ostrich area? Oh, you could put ostrich on your face. It's a big, poured leather. It's a big poured leather. It's got big ass pores. Like it looked like me when I was 14. It's just got big, huge. You could like drive a car into one of them. Also, if I get ostrich shoes.
Starting point is 00:24:18 When? There's a whole bunch of other shit I got to do. I got to get a feather earring. Yeah. You know what I mean? I got to get some crystals. Like it's a whole bunch of other shit I gotta do. I gotta get a feather earring. You know what I mean? I gotta get some crystals. It's a whole... You gotta have a greeting that rhymes.
Starting point is 00:24:30 Yeah, yeah. What's the word, Dirty Bird? It's like a whole move. I can't just come out with the ostrich like that. You gotta start talking at a higher register. You know what I mean? I'm just like saying stuff from like old TV shows.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Hey now! Or whatever. You just got to be like Slick Rick like what are the... Oh, are they ostrich? Are they ostrich? Don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:24:55 British guy. Slick Rick? Yeah. I've heard that before and I never followed up. He got deported. Yeah. He's British?
Starting point is 00:25:03 Yeah. It's 21 Savage's Yeah. He's British? Yeah. It's 21 Savage's dad. He's British. Yeah, y'all didn't know? So you took NikeID.com, but Nike Ego and Nike Super Ego are still on the board. That's why you got the Emmy.
Starting point is 00:25:29 How do you make an id joke ten minutes in? Yeah, it's pretty good. I'm also looking at my list. That was a stupid fucking... Yeah, that was... Yeah. If we can't be real, holy fuck,
Starting point is 00:25:38 that was early for NikeID.com. God damn it. Wow. Definitely dope. Oh, it's great, yeah, but, like, I mean, that was way early, dude. Like, you're getting Well, it's great, yeah, but like, I mean,
Starting point is 00:25:45 that was way early, dude. Like, you're getting a tight end with the first pick? What do we... Sam Tallent, man. You remember when Sam used to be a tight end? Sam Tallent? Sam has never been a tight anything. I think we can build a team around him.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Okay. Let me do a quick question. So, we go in, it's Serpentine, so it starts, you're in the corner, and we go in back. The one time it would have come in handy. And you fucking punted. The one time. I have a serious question.
Starting point is 00:26:13 The one time. It's like if you're waiting in line to get in a roller coaster. No, no, no, no. Too late for that. You already hit your bit. It's like if you're shaving your pubes in a weird way. That's weird to you? I'm sorry I opened the door.
Starting point is 00:26:31 I was doing it with a machete. You mean like where you put a jack-o'-lantern face down there? When you got your jeans on, but you're still shaving your pubes. Oh. NikeID.com. It went early, but it is yours. Jamel, it's time for your first pick. All right, I just, if you're going to pick Sam Bowie,
Starting point is 00:26:49 I got to pick Jordan. Come on. Yeah, obviously. No, no, no. Wikipedia.com, guys. Yeah. You kidding? Didn't even make my fucking list.
Starting point is 00:27:02 I mean, come on, dog. Do you want to know anything? Anything. Do you want to know anything? Anything. Do you want to know anything in the world? Do you also want to fuck up someone's biography? Can you, okay, can you actually do that? How do you do that? Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:27:17 How do you do it? Type in the bitch and then go in there. It's called hacking, Sean. Yeah, dude. It's called hacking. You drink a Monster Energy drink, you wear sunglasses at night And then you say I'm in
Starting point is 00:27:26 And you say mom I need more hot pockets How do you do it You can't just go to Wikipedia And type on someone's page No you can What do you mean you can't Have you ever done it Of course not
Starting point is 00:27:40 People have done it for me though And people have done it for you. We've had fans like... They know more computer shit than both of us. I guarantee it. How much is that, though? I know this part. That's two computer shit.
Starting point is 00:27:54 We know one computer shit. You know two. You can do it. Do you think that anything you can't do can't be done? Bro, that is amazing. Nobody's ever bowled a perfect game. I guarantee it. You're just out here like,
Starting point is 00:28:06 nobody gives birth. Oh, no, I saw that. I saw that go down. You've seen it twice. I have. My mom and my wife. We're being honest. Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:17 I watched my mom give birth to my sister when I was 14, and it's not the move. And that's going to be on your Wikipedia after the show, dog. And that's going to be on your Wikipedia after the show, dog. Because that's the power. Raw power.
Starting point is 00:28:37 Man, I'm serious. This is dope. Come on. It's my fucking line. Say it more then. I will when it's dope. It's dope. I. Say it more then. I will when it's dope. It's dope. I'm having a good time.
Starting point is 00:28:50 Wikipedia is a great fucking thing. I read so much Wikipedia. So much. And regurgitated it back to people like I had done the studying myself. Oh, yeah. That's the wild thing. When you learn something, you're like, well, I'm going to go ahead and drop that somewhere. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:03 Somewhere with some people that don't know it. I know a lot of people that don't know shit. Wikipedia is so vicious. You don't even got to go to Wikipedia no more. It just shows up in your Google search. Nope. It shows up in a search. It shows up on the next search.
Starting point is 00:29:24 It shows up in your, it should have been my first pick search. It shows up on the next It shows up in your should have been my first pick search. Shows up in thank God neither one of you chose what I'm going to pick first search. I get it.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Yeah. I'm leaking. You know what's terrible too is I never have given them money. No never. I know it's so bad
Starting point is 00:29:41 because no one's around to look me in the eye. There's always like a Swedish dude like, please, we need more mommy for this. And I'm like, ain't got it, cuz. I'll catch you next time, Wikipedia.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Go ahead and look up broke on there. I don't have any cash on my computer, so yeah. Meanwhile, I'm looking up who invented the yacht. You just type in trying to get money. I chanced upon a Wikipedia the other day. And did you know there's an area outside of Yosemite National, Yellowstone National Park called the Death Zone where apparently, yeah, like no laws apply.
Starting point is 00:30:20 Wait, what? I thought it was called Dogpatch or North North Cliff. No. We should do a live show then. Yeah, we should. The Dead Zone? Then you can hear my real pics. Just five different versions of the Silk Road.
Starting point is 00:30:38 Stop it! Silk Road, Silk Turnpike. Silky Off-Ramp. That's probably a fun site, the Silky Off-Ramp I think it's poop stuff Do you think it's poop stuff? You guys Something about the ramp part Silky Off-Ramp
Starting point is 00:30:59 It was not a Silky Off-Ramp this morning Nor will it be this evening, my friend. Wikipedia, amazing pick, first-round talent. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. Google.com. Yeah. Sorry, not just, it's like, this is crazy to me that Nike ID went before Google. Normally it's me doing that, so I'm stoked.
Starting point is 00:31:23 It's crazy to me too, man. I choked, I got nothing. Yeah, Google, I mean, we don't need to dive in, but Google. It's become a verb, yeah. It's where you find the other websites we're going to pick. What was the last thing you Googled, Sean? No way, all right. I'm going to be dead honest with you.
Starting point is 00:31:45 I hope it wasn't my name. Because a lot of times it is. Especially now. Oh, I only have trending searches. I don't have my history. I googled another website.
Starting point is 00:31:59 So the one that's not a website is United 1490 is my flight home. I think. I don't know. Before that, it was area code 720. Shout out, Will. How you doing?
Starting point is 00:32:11 You have how does a serpentine draft work on there, dude? I can see your phone. It just shows me pictures of what I Googled because my phone thinks I'm stupid. Yeah, Google. Mine says liquor store near me. Does it really? Are you serious?
Starting point is 00:32:27 No, it's Olivia Trilby first and then liquor store near me. Who's Olivia Trilby? She sounds like a cartoon chipmunk. It's this whole weird project. I don't want to talk about it. All right. Is the project?
Starting point is 00:32:41 No. Google. I mean, yeah. Google.com. Google. It's fantastic. It's great. The less said, the better. You know what I mean, yeah. Yeah, Google. It's fantastic. It's great. The less said, the better. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:32:48 Let's keep it pushing. That's why I found out about the boob site. Is it really? No. I think the boob site was before Google, honestly. How long has Google been around? 26 years? You didn't know that off top, did you?
Starting point is 00:33:01 Off top? Really? Somebody knew like that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. No, no, no. None of that. No, boo him.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yes. Are you guys sending your beers back? Me and Sean will drink those. Are you sending them back? We'll drink them. Oh, never mind. Did you just take...? We'll drink them. Oh, never mind. Did you just take... I was like,
Starting point is 00:33:28 whoa, this guy's crazy. Like a Somali, like he took a sip, like, no, no, no, no. Is it Somali? What is a wine... Somali-ay. I was gonna,
Starting point is 00:33:39 I've been doing this joke about semen and how I swirl it like wine and I was going to say Somali, but I was like, I don't actually know if I know the right word. I swirled it like a Somali pirate.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Just like a Somali pirate up there swirling jizz around in a cup. And if you haven't heard the bit, this sounds insane, so this is fun. Google.com, google.com. All right. Because he was like John dressed like a small unit.
Starting point is 00:34:15 He's got like a Grand Hill jersey and a machete. He's just swirling some cum in a club. I just, I got my, I got my APR 15 around me. I'm like, lower the APR. By the way, if your APR is 15, you have an issue. You need to look at it. I need to find out what I'm paying for my mortgage before I even talk about my APR 15.
Starting point is 00:34:44 All right, I'll take it. P. All right, I'll take it. Porn Hub, I'll take it. Now, not the best porn site. Don't say any other porn sites. What are you talking about? But in my IMHO, not the best porn site. Are you kidding me? No, I'm dead serious.
Starting point is 00:34:59 I would love to know. You're going to know. You will find out. It's going to be like home depot dot com. After the show, you're going to find out. Porn Hub is where you can find all the other pay websites
Starting point is 00:35:12 work for free. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like a real Somalian. How do people make money in porn? It's all free. I think they're paid for the services.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Be honest. Does anybody in here pay for porn anywhere I didn't think so so it's but so where are they getting the money to pay people the fuck
Starting point is 00:35:32 for me to watch for free they probably sell I mean you probably get money per view and also you're not supposed to put it up there like every time I click on
Starting point is 00:35:39 yes I do want to see Lois and Peter fuck yeah whoa you clicking that no I was doing a bit but I want to see Lois and Peter fuck. Yeah. Whoa! You clicking that? No, I was doing a bit, but I want to click on it. I do. Every time you're challenged by a game
Starting point is 00:35:55 that will make you cum in 90 seconds. Would you like your dick to be enormous? Like, I don't know, but I want to click on it. Also, I'm like, what is so sexy about this game that makes it take three times longer for me to cum? My boy just got married. He's out here hitting it daily, nightly, ever so rightly. He ain't scared at all.
Starting point is 00:36:21 Jamel, you haven't said a word in like 10 minutes. Well, I'll take this opportunity to let you guys know I do have a video on Pornhub. Oh, that's right! I forgot about that! Comedian Jamel Johnson gets hot and heavy. It's on Pornhub right now. And there's that other one with you and Kim Kardashian. I mean, it's me and Ray Dre.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Will you tell him to take his shirt off this time? It's insane that they did that porn with their shirts on. Me and Ray J recreating the One Wish video. On Pornhub. When I was running heavy, I used to listen to Sexy Can I? That was like at the peak of my running playlist. It was like an hour in and Ray J would come up and be like, Sexy Can I?
Starting point is 00:37:04 And I'm like, you can run this other mile. You can. Should that song have had a comma? Should it have been sexy comma? Can I? Yeah. Oh, is that?
Starting point is 00:37:12 That makes so much more sense. Right? Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll just check in grammar-wise. Porn Hub, solid. Porn Hub. I mean, it's full of porn.
Starting point is 00:37:22 The pandemic, yo, Porn Hub, The High Data Powers was pandemic part two? Yeah. When they made the premium free? Because I didn't understand, yeah, it's free. I'm not paying for fucking premium,
Starting point is 00:37:32 but then when they opened it up, I was like, oh. Is it that different? It's just, the archive is crazy. Yeah. They have all the porno DVDs? Porn of premium. They're all there. Everything DVDs. Porno premium. They're all there.
Starting point is 00:37:47 Everything. See, but that's not what I want. It's like the criteria. Booty Talk 2, Booty Talk 3, Booty Talk 4, Booty Talk 5. Nobody's seen Booty Talk 1. I don't want DVD. I like all my porn to look like found footage. Like, I watched like straight up
Starting point is 00:38:07 normal people fuck yeah like they got somewhere to be after this yeah I remember watching the cast of Pete and Pete
Starting point is 00:38:14 get off being for real though it's like you know when you watch porn you do put yourself in the scenario so it does help
Starting point is 00:38:21 to have realistic scenarios yeah thanks for breaking down porn for everybody. I really don't do that. Try to time it out so you come when they do. Nobody in here has ever thought of that.
Starting point is 00:38:35 You're on Pornhub looking up guy who knows what a mortgage is. Is this how you type on a computer? I type like the Phantom of the Opera. E-O-R-N-A U-B-DOT-C One of the last pornos I watched was that real estate scenario.
Starting point is 00:39:00 You know that one? Oh, I run that for days. I really need the clothes. I really need this sale. As someone who just moved into a new apartment, that is not... It isn't how it works. You know what's a fun one is hot guys fuck
Starting point is 00:39:14 because it's like two in shape people really going at it. I'm serious. It's like two in shape people really getting it done. It's fun to watch. I'm serious. You watching this shit like it's track and field? Yeah. I can tell you I'm literally watching quite the opposite.
Starting point is 00:39:39 I'm watching people like after work fuck to go to sleep. That's what I want to see. David's looking up, well, it's Wednesday again. I'm looking up, thanks for making mac and cheese today. I can't wait until the next family member asks me what I do for a living, and I get to explain to them what this is. This is so tight.
Starting point is 00:40:00 It's so sick. You got ahead of me. It's awesome. Porn, they also have like good politics, you know what I mean? Sort of. I mean, also bad, but then they'll be like, no porn for you, Russia.
Starting point is 00:40:13 You know, they're like. I mean, Russia has some content on there. Yeah, yeah. So does Czechoslovakia, weird enough. Yeah, yeah. Oh, nobody's seen the Czech shit? That's just me? I'm the only one that that pops up?
Starting point is 00:40:27 Leave him out there. Leave him out in the rain. Leave him out in the rain. Tons of check shit. Not a lot of Nigerian shit. Now I'm just going on a tangent. Pornhub.com and my second pick, as it is a serpentine draft,
Starting point is 00:40:38 I'm taking ESPN.com. I'd still be going there. I'd still be going there. Yeah. I don't know what else. I don't really run ESPN a lot. I go sometimes, but I think... be going there. I'd still be going there. I don't know what a... I don't really run ESPN a lot. I go sometimes, but I think... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Yeah. That's all right. It's okay. I go there an awful lot. Anytime I want to know what's going on in the sports world, I go there. I check in, you know, sports stuff, ESPN.com. The app goes off too much for me.
Starting point is 00:41:04 I'm not on the app. Oh, the app is always dinging me. I'm like, oh shit, I gotta... You can turn notifications off. Okay, computer genius. All right, you fucking whiz kid. Just go to pornhub.com. Why am I catching a stray?
Starting point is 00:41:24 Because I was losing. You gotta start spraying everywhere if you're losing. He's kind of winning. Anyways. Yeah, ESPN.com. I don't have a ton to say about it. It's also had like, page two in the past was a really fun place to read.
Starting point is 00:41:40 Like, you know. What is that? It was like culture. Pop culture. Like sports pop culture? Like this is where Bill Simmons started. Oh, your man's in them.
Starting point is 00:41:51 Sure. Not going to get into that. Has anybody ever figured out ESPN.com's actual web address? Remember when it was like ESPN.go.disney. Oh, yeah. What does ESPN stand for?
Starting point is 00:42:08 Extrasensory perception. News. I don't think it stands for anything. It's pronounced Espen. Did you find that out in Ibiza? Ibiza, yeah. P, p, p, p. ESPN, Sean Jordan, tell me your second pick.
Starting point is 00:42:23 YouTube. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I feel P, P, P. ESPN. Sean Jordan, how about your second pick? YouTube. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I got, I feel like I got both of Mike Tyson's hands right here. This is nuts. I got Google and YouTube. This is dope.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I have Alta Vista. You got the same shit. Google is YouTube. Yeah. You drafted the same shit twice. Shit, I didn't diversify. Yeah, no, I mean, YouTube, man, it's like, YouTube,
Starting point is 00:42:47 I'm going to break this down for you. Holds a real special place in my heart. We would just sit at the Fortress of Solid Dudes and just watch YouTube videos for hours. It was like one of the times of my life when, you know, just moved to LA. We could have been doing something productive. Like, shut the fuck up for a second.
Starting point is 00:43:05 But like, you know what I mean? You'd come over and we were chilling. We'd all be there just watching YouTube videos and it made me calm in Los Angeles where I was constantly terrified. It was one of those things where it's like, we can just watch, Zach can get stoned and be like, I'm just going to type in slow motion
Starting point is 00:43:20 and see what comes up. And it's juvenile and then it's slow motion videos of cans getting crushed and you're like, hell yeah. Watch Russian car accident footage, stuff like that. Karate gone wrong, whatever you want. Big waves, just like really big waves.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Yo, we watched so much hazardous weather. Yeah. The top five tornadoes ever recorded. We were watching cruise ships and storms, remember? Because I'm like, well, I'm scared, but they got to be more scared,
Starting point is 00:43:48 so I'm calm now. You're just like, let's watch 4K footage of Denmark for the next hour. Why not? Somebody's got a drone and a camera. Yeah, it's just,
Starting point is 00:43:56 again, like not, I'm not going to break it down, but like it's so dope. It's everything. What's the statistic? It's like a billion videos uploaded a week or some shit. It's something insane
Starting point is 00:44:05 like that it's 1.3 billion actually oh is it no I don't know I have no idea is it really it's actually 26 years old what's up dog
Starting point is 00:44:13 yeah YouTube youtube.com yeah great pick and then when they added YouTube live it got really out of hand you know what I'm saying because nothing's better
Starting point is 00:44:22 than illegally streaming an NBA playoff game. Ah. And then the comments are just, hate speech. That doesn't have anything to do with the Indiana Pacers. How did you end up here? It's where all the music videos are now, too. That's where you go to watch music videos.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Yeah, music videos are back. And it's because of you. That's why music videos are back. Why we have videos for shit. Dude, music videos are going to put that pull quote on their poster, dude. Music videos are back, Sean Jordan. TV Sean Jordan, by the way. Yeah, it was on TV.
Starting point is 00:45:02 TV Sean Jordan by the way Yeah I was on TV Yeah it was cool I had a shirt on And uh That's it I had a shirt on Jamel time for your second pick Okay
Starting point is 00:45:19 Alright alright alright Alright alright alright I'm taking this one Cause I know Borey is coming right behind me. Datpiff.com. I can't have anything. I had to do it to you, dog. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:45:34 Datpiff is... My shit. What is Datpiff? It's great. Keep going. Datpiff is where you had to go in 2008 to get mixtape. Yeah. Every mixtape.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Everywhere. For free. Now, first, okay, so in the 80s and 90s, you had to go to the barbershop or be at the right gas station to get mixtape. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:53 And the gas station, it would change. Basically, a guy with a duffel bag would appear while you're pumping gas and be like, hey, I got that new K-Slay. Yeah, DJ Drama.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Yeah, what's up? And then, at some point, it all got that new K. Slay. Yeah, DJ Drama. Yeah, what's up? And then at some point, it all got put online on Dat Piff. Dat Piff is still up. All the best Lil Wayne. Yeah. That one good Wiz Khalifa one. Yes, man. Yeah, that shit was...
Starting point is 00:46:18 Hits. They categorized it. You could buy T-shirts on there. Yo, Dat Piff. Yeah, Dat Piff. You want to impress your black friends? Stop by Dat Piff.com. Leave your phone on and just have it on Dat Piff
Starting point is 00:46:34 and be like, oh shit, yeah, I'm there like every day. I'm like, shit, sorry to leave my phone on, but I'm like on Dat Piff, so. My screen time is up 40% this week. Must be all that Dat Piff bread. I got to start paying my mortgage also to Dat Piff, because I live there, dude. Wow, I love DatPiff.com.
Starting point is 00:46:55 On Dat Piff, you can get like Michael McDonald, the mixtapes and shit. Paul Simon's like B-sides, dude. It's all on there. How come there's no easy listening mix? I know. Come on. I didn't know Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald
Starting point is 00:47:11 never did a song together. That piff. That piff.com. No Kenny Loggins. We call him K-Lo on that piff, but yeah. Oh, no. Yo, have you heard that new Kalo it's dope
Starting point is 00:47:30 Oh yeah I found it on thatpiff.com I was browsing the internet I really have to try to not drop my phone in the bathtub
Starting point is 00:47:37 when I'm on that piff It does go well with a chicken David Borey time for your second and your third picks. A serpentine draft. Oh, this is so bad. Nike ID has been taken already.
Starting point is 00:48:01 So have Google and YouTube. That's literally my whole internet experience maybe you could AltaVista some other websites to pick okay I don't want to choose smut but I got I don't have anything else good that people will I'm picking the bang bros
Starting point is 00:48:18 oh it's a tough sell Julius and Lucian bang It's a tough sell. Julius and Lucian Bang. We tried to flip houses, but we couldn't do it. Two brothers from Miami. One of them drives, one of them kicks hoes out the van. And I also haven't been... It was like a big high school thing for me.
Starting point is 00:48:47 I don't even. Of course. It's a nostalgia play for you. It was the first legit porn site that people knew about, and they played the trailers for free. You could watch the trailer. That was 60 second clips. And you would get it done.
Starting point is 00:48:59 You're like, I don't need much longer than that. I would download the 60 second clips and make like a Bang Bros mixtape. Whoa. And just like a playlist. But then you had to name it like Science 2 so your mom didn't know. So somehow a friend of ours had,
Starting point is 00:49:18 I look back and I'm like, so it was you, you paid for it. You told us it was a stranger. But he had a login and password, so for like three years or something, all of our friend group, we had access to the whole website, like for real. It was insane.
Starting point is 00:49:33 That's too much. And it was bad. That's the problem. I didn't need it, because then you're like, whoa, 8th Street Latinas, for sure. Which is the Google and YouTube. It is the Google to YouTube. It is the same.
Starting point is 00:49:45 You know what would be a funny guy is someone who confuses the Mario Brothers and the Bang Brothers. You know, they're fun. They're cute. They're running around the sewers, you know. I don't even know what Luigi does, but yeah. The Bang Bros saved that princess.
Starting point is 00:50:04 Yeah, it's fun. I got my kid super Bang Bros for his birthday. They weren't saving anyone, I'll tell you that. Bang Bros told me that I had a moral compass. Yeah. Not, because I really didn't know. But all that means is you just didn't watch the end. The end, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:26 Yeah, see, that is true. You got to cut it off. No, it's cool. I didn't love the beginning either. It was just like the middle parts. Like, I just remember being in eighth grade trouble like the next day, like, damn, why the fuck? Why did they kick her out like that?
Starting point is 00:50:48 I knew it couldn't be real. Man, I don't have anything else on here. Well, that's too bad because it is time for your third pick. Again, Nike ID unavailable as it has been taken. First pick of the draft. I want to help, but...
Starting point is 00:51:06 Go to your open tabs. I'm serious. I'm serious. They've already been picked, brother. If Bang Bros was open on your phone right now, man, that'd be wild. Should I go look at it? Hold on.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Open tabs. That's a good idea what's celeb shot I don't know no somebody knows nope this isn't helping it's
Starting point is 00:51:34 it's fucking porn bro does maybe does Adidas have a website you could use I got I've been looking at rugs. This shit sucks. Pink, what are you doing?
Starting point is 00:51:49 You've been decorating. You've been designing the inside of your home. What have you been on? Okay. Overstock.com That's a great pick, man. Look at this. Look at these people.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Is that where a guy has sex with a woman on the rug and then just leaves? Do you remember those sexy-ass commercials for overstock.com? No. They were very sexual. Are they British? Is it like overstock.com?
Starting point is 00:52:20 There might have been a British lady. I just got this rug on there, but I think I'm going to take it back. It's a good-looking rug. For the people in the crowd and the listeners at home, it's a British lady. I just got this rug on there, but I think I'm going to take it back. It's a good-looking rug. For the people in the crowd and the listeners at home, it's a nice rug. It's just like a big Punisher mask. It's the Punisher logo with a mask on.
Starting point is 00:52:40 He doesn't want anyone to know where he's coming from. Yeah, you don't know what angle I have. What am I doing in this house? It's got a green stripe on it for the Forest Service. He doesn't want anyone to know where he's coming from. Yeah, you don't know what angle I have. What am I doing in this house? It's got a green stripe on it for the forest service. Yeah. I back the green. It's got the bartender logo on it.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Yeah, you got it. But no, I do use the fuck out of overstock.com. So yeah, I guess that is a good... This draft is hard for me. No, it isn't. You should see the rest of my list, man. I can't wait. Overstock.com. Yeah, they had a sexy-ass commercial.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Was the lady in, like, a lab coat? Was she just, like, an all-white? I feel like, yeah. Yeah, I don't remember. I didn't cool. All right. I Googled rugs. It came up.
Starting point is 00:53:24 Is that enough? No. Jam Jamal time for your third pick Overstock.com off the book World star hip hop Fuck I go there I go there I seen him struggling I seen him struggling and I was like fuck David
Starting point is 00:53:40 That's mine Tighten up He's for real shook. Like, look at him. Tighten up. I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna run up if people are fighting you and yell, Overstock!
Starting point is 00:53:54 Yo, that'd be sick. Every time you buy a shelf, somebody yells Overstock at you. Oh man, yo. Just a gnarly brawl. Overstock! Man, fucking fuck me. Yo! Just a gnarly brawl. Overstocked! Man. Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:54:06 Fuck me. If you like YouTube, you'll love worldstarhiphop.com. Every other video. Well, it depends on how you like YouTube. If you use YouTube for certain things, you will love worldstar. If you don't think YouTube is violent enough. Or sexy enough. Head on over to worldstarhiphop.com. I had to cut out Worldstar.
Starting point is 00:54:26 I couldn't because it's just, I get hooked. And it's tough because it's not a good hook. And they'll take you some bad places, man. They will, and then you find yourself. You're like, what the fuck am I watching this for? But I watch. I do. Did I ever tell you I wrote for them?
Starting point is 00:54:40 I met Q and everything. Really? Bro, they had. Q Worldstar? They were trying. They were trying... Yeah. They were trying to make an MTV show, so they brought a bunch of us to this, like...
Starting point is 00:54:51 Just fights on MTV? Seedy, seedy... This seedy, like, rental house in West Hollywood. Yeah. You know when they... Like, it's like a think tank for, like, scumbags? West Hollywood is not that nice. People think Hollywood,
Starting point is 00:55:06 but you're like, it's gutter, man. No, but like, this was like, this was like clearly like where like Viacom executives bring prostitutes. Like it was,
Starting point is 00:55:14 it was bad, bro. And we were there and we were smoking fake weed, I'm pretty sure. Like they were like, because they were like, they were weirdly adamant about like,
Starting point is 00:55:24 let's smoke weed, let's smoke weed. And let's smoke the weed. And I was like, I don't think I'm getting high. Jamar was there. Oh! And they would like. I think that weed was probably laced with angel dust and they were like, they're gonna start fighting.
Starting point is 00:55:33 Roll the cameras. Bro, because they. One of them's gonna think they're God. And you could pitch anything and they loved it. Like I was like, well, I saw the Sharkisha video. I think that's pretty crazy. And they were like, absolutely. Let's make videos of kids fighting.
Starting point is 00:55:47 Because they were British. What? That shit was crazy, man. They were British? Absolutely. It was insane. Damn. Best thousand dollars I ever made.
Starting point is 00:55:56 Yeah? This is a video on the front page of worldstarhiphop.com right now. Her expression says it all. Grandma out here reminiscing on her glory days after this sex scene came on during a movie. It has an exclamation point at the end of the... That's why I had to go up when I said it. Ah.
Starting point is 00:56:23 Ah, that was one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Holy buckets, that was tight. World star. Fantastic. I have, I've never been to world star. You've never? I never have, no.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Not one time. I maybe went to go see what the hubbub was and I found it wasn't for me and I left. You've never seen a video of a woman in the Bronx yelling on the train? I mean, I do, but they're a different, it's a different kind of woman in the Bronx yelling on the train? I don't know. I mean, I do, but it's a different kind of woman
Starting point is 00:56:49 in the Bronx. When I go to Montemarrecipes.net. Man, I want these to be websites. I want that to be a real website. Debutantsofyonkers.org.
Starting point is 00:57:07 I'm thinking about the department store yonkers. Oh, what? Yeah, it didn't land. They don't all hit. Is that a department store? It was in Sioux Falls. Nobody had a yonkers. That makes sense.
Starting point is 00:57:17 Wait, there's a department store called yonkers? They could have called it Brooklyn, Manhattan, Long Island, Staten Island. They just sell Timbs and Pitbulls. Went to Yonkers about a four-wheeler. Every borough went to Yonkers. It could be more different than Yonkers for real. The shit they sell where they're like nice cheap sweaters like that. No Jadakiss albums?
Starting point is 00:57:42 Nothing. What about Soul For Real? They got Polo Cologne, I'll tell you that. I paid about 80 American dollars for a whole bottle. All right. Polo Cologne. You're not a Savage man. No, man, I'm a Polo guy for days.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Missing out. Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing? They were. Also, not the line. He was, hell no. Oh, you know they Polo. Thank you. Oh, shit, I blew it. Sean Jordan, it's time for your third pick. While you make it polo. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:58:08 Sean Jordan, it's time for your third pick. While you make it, I have to pee. It happens during the... I'm over hydrated, I'm on a blood pressure medication that makes me have to piss a lot, and I'm going to go do it. It's funny how scared I just got. There's no one up here running the ship now. I'm just like, I don't know what's going on.
Starting point is 00:58:31 We're just up here talking about Worldstar. I think we're just going to keep doing it. Hey, I feel like dad left his home alone. Let's play with the stove. Yeah. Yeah, we could take this shit off the tracks real fast. Yeah, yeah. I'm setting up fireworks in the house.
Starting point is 00:58:45 Let's try to guess his passcode on his phone and get in there. Can I order a drink, a double Jameson, please? Neat. Thank you. And so, yeah,
Starting point is 00:58:53 just to keep it pushing. Can I order a single Jameson? Nasty. I don't want to order anything, but whoever came up with the chicken parmesan
Starting point is 00:59:03 quesadilla, just see me in the back. Also, there's cheesecake here. I don't want to order anything, but whoever came up with the chicken parmesan quesadilla, just see me in the back. Also, there's cheesecake here. I don't think it's on the menu, but it's here and it's dope. Anyway, my third pick, I'm going to go IMDb. I'm doing it. Hey, that's first round talent. That is first round talent. I got to hand it to you. That's a great one. I'm on IMDb so much.
Starting point is 00:59:26 Really? I try to not because I want to just remember where I know this person from or da-da-da. But then I'm like, well, you're 40 and you drink a lot, so your memories. Go to the website that remembers for you. And it's just fun. And then I go down little rabbit holes on IMDb
Starting point is 00:59:41 and seeing what people got coming out is fun. Like, what's Miles Teller up to? You know, what's Jessica Chastain got, got coming down the pipe? It's fun. Yeah. I watch a lot of old Law and Order. You do? Like unaccessible, like you can only get it if you have a digital antenna, Law and Order. And it's like shit from the nineties and you always see these places like, oh, I just seen such, oh shit, that's the lady from fucking, oh damn, they did the fucking,
Starting point is 01:00:06 oh shit, she was in the And you see somebody like, holy buckets, now they're a billionaire. It's fun. It's nice. For everybody listening, our alcohol has been delivered. Thank you, bro.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Also, by the way, can I just, of course I can, I have a microphone. This club is fantastic. Yeah, this shit has been amazing. This shit has been amazing. This shit has been amazing.
Starting point is 01:00:28 Every single person that I've talked to who works at this club is just fantastic and also gorgeous. I'll say it. I'm going to throw it out there. Damn. It's a hot ass club. Everybody working here is fucking beautiful. Beautiful. Right there.
Starting point is 01:00:40 I'm just saying. He hot as shit under that mask. Yeah. He hot as shit. that mask, yeah. He hot as shit under that mask. What a day. Thank you. I'm just fucking sick. I'm just so sick.
Starting point is 01:00:50 So I picked... We get to do the... I heard Internet Movie Database. Yeah, yeah, IMDb. I'm just on IMDb like heavy, like for real. I'm on there a lot. And I had to check. I felt so stupid because I was like, are these apps, websites?
Starting point is 01:01:03 Of course they're websites because websites existed before apps. But I was like, is IMDb just an app? And it's not. It's a website. So, took you to school real quick.
Starting point is 01:01:11 Thank you for being so quiet and listening so attentively. IMDb. All right, I'll write it down right here. Thanks, bro. I was going to draw a penis on there,
Starting point is 01:01:21 but I didn't. Accidentally, I wrote a lowercase d instead of a b. Just a fun peek behind the veil. The Onion! Oh, yeah! Fuck me.
Starting point is 01:01:38 Oh, that opened up a whole new file in my brain right there. I didn't even think, like, actual knowledge webs. What do you think The Onion is? Wait, wait. Here. Hold on, man. It's where I get my factual information. What the hell?
Starting point is 01:01:52 We were having a good time, then you said that bullshit? Come on, Sean. I gotta hide. I gotta hide. Get outta here. Don't hide behind me. I don't believe the stories on The Onion, but it's like sort of... It's in the gateway to a knowledgeable website area. Like, if story's on the Onion, but it's like sort of... It's in the gateway to a knowledgeable website area.
Starting point is 01:02:08 Like if you're at the Onion, the next stop is da-da-da. What stop? No, no, no, nobody else talk. Let him figure this out. Remember when David picked Bang Bros? Yeah, pretty cool. How sexist that website is.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Not BTRA. It's not just the bang bus. They have a whole bunch of stuff. Oh, no, I know. I reference 8th Street Latinas. Like, I know the catalog. Mr. Camel Toe? I'm from...
Starting point is 01:02:35 Oh, boy. This is a family show, David, or it was. Was it? No, it wasn't at all. So, The Onion, where you get factual news stories. Go on. I was having a donut hole. Yeah, The Onion.
Starting point is 01:02:49 Holy shit, man walks on the fucking moon. I mean... I just spit donut hole stuff. It's just fucking funny. I love The Onion. I love their... I don't know if I can say the other ones that are on. I think I hate Click Hole,
Starting point is 01:03:02 all those other stuff that's under The Onion banner. Count it. Fucking hilarious people writing for there. Just fantastic. They're just amazing. It's very funny. Anytime something happens
Starting point is 01:03:12 in the news, they're going to usually have the funniest take. And I say that as someone who works for a show that has takes on the news. It's just great. The Onion.
Starting point is 01:03:22 TheOnion.com. Started as a newspaper. Love it. Huh? Say what? Oh, great pick? Fuck yeah. See, you hear that?
Starting point is 01:03:30 You hear that? Yeah, I heard it. Sean's got a file called Websites Open, which, of course, it makes sense, but it is very funny. Yeah. That you would have a note, like, I hope in five years you forget why
Starting point is 01:03:40 and you just go to Websites, and you're like, oh. The Boob Site. Let me go dust off the boob site real quick. I mean, I wish that I could like, I wish I had footage of me getting busted having been on the website. Oh, busted
Starting point is 01:03:57 is busted is loaded language. I thought you were like, yeah, I wanted to see me busted. Alright, is it me or wait? Nope, still me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fourth pick.
Starting point is 01:04:10 If only somebody would have explained how a serpentine draft works. It's like if you're online at the bank or something. Yeah, you're kind of like, they got the ropes. I can't believe it's still out there. I don't spend a ton of time on it myself, but I pop there every now and then.
Starting point is 01:04:22 They have fantastic NBA content. I'm taking Reddit. Oh! Yeah. Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Yeah. They're fucking great. You can find
Starting point is 01:04:37 terrible stuff on there. You can find wonderful stuff on there. It's an encapsulation of everything happening all the time, everywhere. I was on forums heavy growing up. I was a big forum guy. Really? Yeah, I loved them. What forums? There was one, it was
Starting point is 01:04:54 called the Smart Marks, which was like a wrestling forum, but then they had like a sports subreddit. Were you, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, this is deep. And I was just on there, dude. There was just sports stuff happening. They would do fantasy drafts. It was called like the smart marks.
Starting point is 01:05:09 The smart marks. Like you guys are a bunch of marks, but you're also... Yeah, I think. No, it was not. They meant marks like you're a mark. I think it's like a wrestling term. Whoa. That's kind of dope.
Starting point is 01:05:20 That was Hulk Hogan. He's at the show. He's clapping. We call him Terry But yeah Terry Terry thanks for coming brother Good to see you
Starting point is 01:05:30 It's just great You can find a lot of like Stuff like you shouldn't go on There's like doctor's advice websites You know what I mean Which always sort of catastrophize And tell you the worst thing Is catastrophize a word?
Starting point is 01:05:41 Yes it is You can go on You can go on like medical subreddits and there's people who have gone through what you go through and of course it's not reliable, but you can actually like, oh, okay, this is not just like someone saying go to the hospital! So there's that stuff,
Starting point is 01:05:55 there's RNBA, which is like fantastic NBA stuff, a lot of like conspiracy theories pop up on there where free agents are going, a lot of fun stuff. It's great. I had one video pop on Reddit. I dubbed Bitch, You Guessed It
Starting point is 01:06:11 by OG Mako. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over some footage of Joe Biden. Had to wake him up to get that, probably. And then I made the caption, Tell me why my uncle from tennessee sent me this and and then like some joe bite like bros for biden picked it up some like ten some country biden bros yeah i just looked up the next day it was like
Starting point is 01:06:40 like 15 000 people had looked at this bitch you guessed it joe biden there's an appearance by jay leno in the video the next day, it was like, 15,000 people had looked at this, bitch, you guessed it. Joe Biden, there's an appearance by Jay Leno in the video. I'll send it to y'all later. But yeah, comedian clips can blow up on there and stuff, kind of before that was happening on Instagram and whatnot. It was happening on Reddit. And also hardcore pornography. Come on.
Starting point is 01:07:00 Whatever you need. Gardening tips. If you've got a big green egg, you can read about the big green egg on there, just if anyone else has... You just got one of those, right? I do, I did, yeah. You're a big green egg guy now.
Starting point is 01:07:11 Oh, you're smoking meat. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth pick. Uh, man. This is tricky, because I want to pick my favorite porn site. I should. X Videos. Yeah!
Starting point is 01:07:25 That's right. It's Victor. Oh, dang it! Hell yeah! You got a contingent out there. I told you! Everybody, please welcome Jason X videos. Always at the live shows.
Starting point is 01:07:39 Of the Orlando X videos? The Orlando X videos is definitely like a minor league based baseball team? Basketball? I was going to say roller blade squad. Ladies and gentlemen, the Orlando X videos. The mask has a guy with transition lenses on.
Starting point is 01:08:02 So here you go. Here's what's better about X videos is when you're scrolling through on your phone, the thumbnails show you what happens in the video. Doesn't happen on porn. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. Not on my phone. Maybe I got to update it.
Starting point is 01:08:13 Yeah, I was about to say. When you're scrolling through, it shows you the positions and shit. So you're like, do I want to watch this? It's such a scummy fucking thing, watching porn. Because you watch people having sex, you're like, they're all gorgeous, but you're like, I don't want to watch this? It's such a scummy fucking thing, watching porn. Because you just, you watch people having sex,
Starting point is 01:08:27 you're like, they're all gorgeous, but you're like, I don't want to watch that one. I want to watch exactly what I want to watch. Gorgeous isn't even one of the top three words I'm thinking about. I'm thinking, like, open to suggestion is one of them. What about engorged-ness? Anyway, X videos is the move if you're watching porn.
Starting point is 01:08:52 Go to X videos. It's all good. The other good thing about it is it will give you a virus. It looks like, I don't know if that's true. I don't know if that's true. But every time you go there, I'm like, oh no. No, it's a dark corner of the eye. I shouldn't bring this computer to work anymore.
Starting point is 01:09:07 The X is in red, and you're like, don't make it red. No one's stoked when they go to a red porn site. I don't know. Make it colorful. Make it like salmon or something. People in the DSA probably are. What's the DSA? What's the DSA?
Starting point is 01:09:24 The Democratic Socialists of America. Oh, there you go. 301. They go to a red. They go to a red. You understand now? Red. You follow me?
Starting point is 01:09:32 Like communists. Red. They go to a red porn site all of a sudden. Now they're watching socialist porn. 301, baby. Wake up, Joe. More ethical. Lower the gas price.
Starting point is 01:09:39 Wake up. I'll also take this time to let y'all know the same video that I have on Pornhub is on Xvideos With a slightly different title What's the title? I don't even remember I forget which one is which because one is like Jamel Johnson like BBW comedian and then the other one is like he's getting I'm getting hot and heavy, but it's the same video I mean I could go to X videos and type in Janelle. Yeah, you can check it out.
Starting point is 01:10:06 But when you do, they are going to send you somewhere else first. You have to like double search. You have to like, you have to fight through the initial search. You got to next a couple times. It will be in there. I don't like looking at porn while I do this. Yeah, it's kind of, it's a little. I'll send y'all, I'll send it.
Starting point is 01:10:21 That sucked. Did you really just pull up X videos? Yeah, I hated it. That's since I can't imagine looking at thumbnails of a porn site just pull up X videos? Yeah, I hated it. I can't imagine looking at thumbnails from a porn site right now. I saw it and then I got scared. Yeah, it's bad. It's bad. I'm getting scared by proxy.
Starting point is 01:10:32 It's hitting me. Anyway. Great use of my proxy. When I was leaving the crib to come here, Laura handed me a book. She's like, I want you to read the first chapter of this book. And that book is the only thing in the hotel room that didn't move the whole time. The desk in the hotel room moved.
Starting point is 01:10:54 And the book did not. Are you going to read it on the plane? No. I'll be drunk on the plane, unfortunately. Read the first chapter, because what if she hit a code in there? It's 50 pages. I know, I know. But I don't want to lie. I've got to be who I am.
Starting point is 01:11:09 I'll read it tomorrow, maybe. No, you won't. I'm going to read it, because she's telling me. I'm going to read it. It's just not on the plane home. What are you doing? What is the book? It's about how to manage the emotions
Starting point is 01:11:23 that a 15-month-old is going... It's exactly what I should read the first chapter of. Honestly, it's about how to manage your newborn's emotions and how to help them cope and if Max falls or something.
Starting point is 01:11:36 You're not supposed to say, oh, you're okay. You're not supposed to do that. You're supposed to be like, I'm sorry that you fell. Sounds whack when I'm saying it. That's why I'm not going to read this nerdy-ass book.
Starting point is 01:11:44 I'm going to get hammered instead. Don't tell Laura I said that, any of you. Okay, I found it. On Pornhub, it's Jamel Johnson, semicolon, hot and heavy. The Xvideos one is comedian Jamel Johnson gets hot and heavy. Okay. What are the tags? The tags are amateur, chubby.
Starting point is 01:12:05 I'm so surprised. I can't believe I haven't come across it yet. Hey, in the X-Files, I want to do numbers. Look at that. Hey, look at that number, bud. That's numbers. That's all right. What is it?
Starting point is 01:12:17 What's the views? Not a lot of thumbs up. When I took the picture, it was 37K. 37 racks. Yeah. That's sick. And that's back in the day, dog. Good job.
Starting point is 01:12:26 All right. We're going to take a quick moment to watch Jamel's porn video, and we'll be right back after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age.
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Starting point is 01:13:33 a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling
Starting point is 01:14:08 the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on, probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy.
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Starting point is 01:14:51 Yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. Jamel, what were your fourth pick there? eBay.
Starting point is 01:15:11 Fuck you! eBay, eBay, eBay, eBay. Bro, I had one more move. I had one more move. You're just holding David's head under the water right now. It's so crazy. Go to bed, David. I got this.
Starting point is 01:15:23 We're seeing David's last hair bubbles come up, and Jamel's like, I'm going to hold him down there. Oh, the hood's up. Oh, man. Whoa. He went dark Kermit? Oh, no. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:15:37 I'm sorry, Doc. I was just playing. You were my friend, and you looked at my list, and then you did that. That's a lie he's been telling you for a decade. Oh, no, I'm so on there. You looked at my list and pointed at stuff to pick, and then you picked the one good thing. You know the rest of this shit is ass, man.
Starting point is 01:15:52 I'm so sorry. Jamel's been keeping his enemies closer forever, and now he's dead. We went to the mall together yesterday, bro. That's how you keep an enemy real close. You take them to the mall. Shout out to all my folks at PG Plaza. Hyattsville Stadium. It was a great mall.
Starting point is 01:16:09 Where do we cop these? Oh, GT Players? GT Players. Shout out to GT Players. Sent Sean and them down to Georgetown. They went to GT Players. Got some NBA socks. Got a Raptors jersey I can't wear, but I got it.
Starting point is 01:16:22 Well, eBay, look. You can buy them shits on eBay right now. Oh, there it is. You brought it back. You could buy whatever we got on on eBay right now. All of them. And an original copy of Marvel vs. Capcom 2. You could buy this actual shirt on eBay in like an hour.
Starting point is 01:16:38 You could get some Nike ID shoes on there. You get some Nike ID shoes. That was the first pick in this whole draft. You know that? You could buy a fucking house. You could buy Mike Tyson's old house. Dude, they were building a big house in Sioux Falls, big for Sioux Falls,
Starting point is 01:16:53 and every time I drove someone by it, I'd always be like, you know, Mike Tyson designed that house. And almost everybody was like, no shit. And I go, of course he did. Why would he come here? But I probably got like 30 people with that joke. And I'm like, you idiot. No, Mike Tyson didn't come to Sioux Falls and design the big house in Sioux Falls.
Starting point is 01:17:10 Bro, I've been using eBay since money orders, man. Money orders. I was mailing money orders to get throwback jerseys, man. Money orders. That's a pull right there. Tight cross. They still got them. Yeah, they do. What's the craziest thing you've all bought on eBay?
Starting point is 01:17:32 I've never purchased anything on eBay. What? I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to do it. Well, that checks out. I tried. It always got too complicated. And then I was like, wait, am I just giving someone, like, it's just, yeah, I buckled every time.
Starting point is 01:17:48 I tried, I tried to buy some kicks on there. I bought a crazy Salacious B. Crumb, like, lifelike figurine from Star Wars. Oh, okay. The guy who sits on Jabba's lap and goes, like that guy. Because he really grosses Dana out, and I was, I'll just, like, show her,
Starting point is 01:18:05 I'm like, oh, look at this cute picture of our cat, and it'll be Salacious B. Crumb. So I bought this figurine. I wasn't gonna hide it in our house. But the box showed up, and it was the most fucked up box. The box was wet, you know what I mean? So she opened it, she like, what is this? And then Salacious B. Crumb was in there, and then we had to talk.
Starting point is 01:18:29 Was this before or after the wedding? This was before the wedding. I said, yes, I spent $300 on it. I was going to ask. My things I buy on eBay are not like that odd. It's just jerseys and shoes, but I did buy a Sacramento Monarchs warm-up. I see a bucket hat.
Starting point is 01:18:48 I bought a Pro Bowl bucket hat. People hate the Pro Bowl. It wasn't just advertising the Pro Bowl. Was it a year? 2018. When the Pro Bowl was at its worst. You are fucking fantastic. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:06 I know, man. Everything about you, man. I know I said it earlier, but... I bought a fake-ass Caps jersey. Fake-ass what? The fake Caps jersey because y'all know
Starting point is 01:19:14 the Caps jersey when they came out with the retro remix, the red one that all of y'all bought immediately and didn't leave no two X's
Starting point is 01:19:22 for no fucking body. I had to buy a fake one from Canada. I bought a fake jersey from you out of a suitcase once. Yeah, that's true. He did, he did. It was a Raptors jersey. Yeah, it was good.
Starting point is 01:19:35 Didn't you come to the crib with hella jerseys one time? For sure. Most times, yeah. He came a lot of places. I have 15 jerseys in my trunk right now. I don't think I bought more clothes off of any other person than you. Which reminds me, I got you a little something.
Starting point is 01:19:53 I appreciate it. You've got us a little something, David. Your fourth and then your final pick. Can't wait. Don't clap. I don't got it, bro. Do you want to? Come here.
Starting point is 01:20:07 Look at this. Look at this. Look how bad it is. Look how bad it is. He's looking a little off. He didn't like what he saw. The man's not wrong. You can do whatever you want.
Starting point is 01:20:22 I'm not on Twitter. Yeah, he can't even false flag like that. I fucking hate it so much! Man, uh... What apps? It's like the credit card shit. You want me to pick Amex? Yeah, I can fucking pick Amex.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Do you have the Nike ID app? What? I fucking... I have fucking title! Do you have the Nike ID app? What? Who did I go? I fucking... I had a fucking title. That's not a website. That's a streamer. It's an app. Yeah, but there are websites that have music
Starting point is 01:20:54 that were before title that you probably used. Yeah, like datpiff.com. Yeah. Datpiff and YouTube. I'm not good at the... This fucking sucks, bro. I already picked YouTube. I picked YouTube pretty early.
Starting point is 01:21:06 Why wouldn't you? Yeah, yeah. First check I ever got in comedy was writing for them. I'm taking E-Bombs World. Oh! Hey! But look how happy they get when you do what you do. I didn't even...
Starting point is 01:21:19 I didn't know it was huge like that. I just... I used to write for them. People love E-Bombs. The fucking karate guy with the nunchucks? Yeah. I used to write for him. People love E-bombs. The fucking karate guy with the nunchucks? Yeah. I made memes.
Starting point is 01:21:28 I made, my most popular meme was Michael Cera and Ellen Page, at the time Ellen Page, and it said, don't be silly, Juno,
Starting point is 01:21:37 I don't use condoms. That was my biggest, that was my biggest. How have you never told me that? I don't know. Man. Whoa.
Starting point is 01:21:48 Whoa. Okay. Yes. David's out here moving like Freddie Mercury. All right. I want to be Freddie. You have to explain that to the people listening. You have to explain how he's moving like Freddie Mercury.
Starting point is 01:22:00 I don't know where. Oh, boy. It do still work. It work boy. It do still work. It work? Yeah, it still work. Much like this draft, this microphone is falling apart. Much like this draft,
Starting point is 01:22:17 ours still work. Yeah. Got him. Got him Got him Oh man That's a wrap I wish you guys Had come for the
Starting point is 01:22:31 Stand up shows That's where I really shot By the way A lot of y'all did Thank you for that Yeah that was Yeah we were pretty good Seriously
Starting point is 01:22:41 We're okay at it You know Now David Ebaum's world Anything else to say We were pretty good. Seriously. We're okay at it, you know? Now, David, E-Bombs World, anything else to say, or shall we proceed to the lightning round? No, I used to write for them, and it's fucking good enough to me. Jesse Fernandez kind of underpaid me, to be quite honest. Of course you used to write for E-Bombs World. That actually makes the most sense. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:02 You've never been on any websites, but you used to write for E-bombs, right? Yeah. Yeah, man. And now I, oh, the last, some of these, the lightning rounds.
Starting point is 01:23:14 I don't think they're even up. You guys remember Homestar Runner? Yes! Of course. Those dudes are still getting money, man. Really?
Starting point is 01:23:26 Yeah. I used to think that was, I thought Strong Bad was so fun. What, what, what is it? Come on for huggerwaggots. I said, come on for huggerwaggots. No crosswords, just the jumbles. You don't know none of this?
Starting point is 01:23:39 I have no idea. I have a crush on every boy. Nothing? Yeah, we love boys. Trogdor. Burninating the countryside. Burninating the peasants. I feel like I'm having an out-of-body brain aneurysm.
Starting point is 01:23:55 It feels like there's a fucking seizure happening around me. No, I don't know what y'all are talking about. This is Buck. I don't even know how to explain it. Neither one of you do. It was cartoons online, don't you what y'all are talking about. This is Buck. I don't even know how to explain it. Neither one of you do. It was cartoons online, dog. Yeah, it is. No, that's wild.
Starting point is 01:24:10 Anyway, dope. Yeah, it's Homestar Runner. I'm glad you had one good pick. There were little Easter eggs on all the videos. You could click things and sometimes stuff would happen. It was awesome. I wish my microphone wasn't broken. I still call people the king of town and stuff.
Starting point is 01:24:24 And independent of that, I'm people the king of town and stuff. And like independent of that. I'm just like. You go in stuff. Wait, what's happening? What? What's going on? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:24:33 I feel like I'm freaking out. I just don't know what to do with that. Oh, the microphone. Oh, yeah. Everybody stopped and I was like, wait, what am I doing? He's out of sorts over here, man. I got to get back to Denver. We got to get this. You got to get to decades, homeboy.
Starting point is 01:24:46 Go smash. You gotta go to decades and smash like you were meant to do. Oh, my God. That's not... You can't do inside bits outside. I don't know what you're talking about. Jamel, your final pick. Honorable mentions to 23 Years Back.
Starting point is 01:25:03 Honorable mention to Big Naturals. That got me through some tough times. That's the later version of the boob site, was Big Naturals. Yeah, yeah. But I'm taking Yahoo. All right, yeah. Yahoo.com.
Starting point is 01:25:18 Of course. People still go there for some reason. No, they don't. Yeah, they do. They're directed there. And, come on, man, it's the reason why you hate all your co-workers. You ever heard of fantasy football? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:25:30 Yeah. Yahoo's running the fucking game. You ever did a March Madness bracket? Yeah. Yahoo.hidop. Oh, yeah, we'll get him right. Keep it going for Will Hancock, everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on. Yeah. I can't stop
Starting point is 01:25:47 tugging on it. That's why I only had two fucking websites. Stop tugging on it. I just imagine a dad walking in and being like
Starting point is 01:25:57 stop tugging on it. And then just leaves and walks out and he's like he's going to keep tugging on it. I was a Yahoo guy for a long time.
Starting point is 01:26:05 Come on. I stayed loyal. And then, like, I saw Google was winning and they were doing all sorts of other stuff. Did you ever Bing? No, I never Binged. That's nasty. Bing came later, dude.
Starting point is 01:26:14 Yeah, no, me either. I just wanted to be in the conversation. That's nasty. Disgusting. To Bing? Oh, I Binged some restaurants. Sounds like you took a piss on the building. I have pissed on a building.
Starting point is 01:26:29 I've pissed on a lot of buildings. For real. Well, thank you, Sean. You've never pissed on a building? Sure, yeah. I've pissed in a building. Not in a toilet, either. This is my recession.
Starting point is 01:26:47 Sean Jordan, time for your final pick. Fox News. No, I'm kidding. Thrasher.com That's hilarious. That's so funny. Thrasher.com
Starting point is 01:27:02 This is your first time back here since January 6th, right? I come back every day. I fly here every day from Portland praying to God that we take it back. No, Thrasher. Thrasher.com. Skateboard.
Starting point is 01:27:19 I debated between that and the other dope skateboard site, but it's like Thrasher has been always just the dope brand with skating. It's like they're San Francisco, they're just ill. They always have dope shit. Yeah, Thrasher. It's where you get your skate videos. Thrasher, pay me some money. Yeah, give it to me.
Starting point is 01:27:36 One day Gwyneth Paltrow decided that the movies weren't for her and she started a lifestyle brand. Well, she started an email chain with her friends because her taste was so good, right? They were like, Gwyneth, where should I go in Tuscany? Gwyneth, what's the best restaurant in Baltimore? Probably not that one.
Starting point is 01:27:54 Gwyneth Paltrow has definitely been to Hip Hop Chicken and Fish. She's definitely been to Hip Hop Chicken and Fish, actually. For sure. Excuse me, is this Hip Hop Chicken and Fish? I've been dying to eat here. And then that email became a website called goop.com,
Starting point is 01:28:13 and that's my final pick. Goop. Goop fucking rules. If you're sitting out there in judgment of me, go to Goop. Planning a trip to Napa Valley? Go to Goop. It'll tell you all the sweet hotels,
Starting point is 01:28:23 fun little clothing stores. You want to buy a ceramic bowl somewhere? Goop's got the fucking hookup Valley, go to Goop. It'll tell you all the sweet hotels, fun little clothing stores. You want to buy a ceramic bowl somewhere? Goop's got the fucking hookup. You go to Goop. I'm a Goop guy. What the fuck is a Gwyneth Paltrow? I didn't know. Wait. I didn't think you was going to go that far back. No, no.
Starting point is 01:28:42 That's why David picked Bang Bus. He's a Goop guy, too. That's why David picked Bang Bus. He's a goop guy, too. I will not stop tugging on it. Stop tugging on it. Now, that's my final pick. Just to recap really quick.
Starting point is 01:28:57 Let's not. I'd rather we didn't. I'm going to... Before they saw the picks... I have to bring up a special guest right now. Give it up for AFE Mel Kiper, everybody. He's at the house. Get up here. Where you at?
Starting point is 01:29:14 Get up here. Oh, my God. You want to talk about who else? This motherfucker was at Recessions buying drinks last night. Wowzers. You are getting it. Clean. motherfucker was at recessions buying drinks last night. Lousers. You are getting it. Clean. Now, AFV, welcome to the stage.
Starting point is 01:29:31 Thank you. Yeah. We're going to recap the draft, and then you're going to give your immediate analysis. So I'm going to let you recap, if you wouldn't mind. Yeah. We had David first with the... Right into that mic.
Starting point is 01:29:44 Right in that microphone. The NikeID.com website. if you wouldn't mind. We had David first. Right into that mic. Right into that microphone. The NikeID.com website. Bang Bros, Overstock, E-Bombs World, and Homestar Runner. Yeah. Homestar Runner really,
Starting point is 01:29:57 really brought up your grade. For sure. D plus. You still make it to the next grade with a D+. Yeah. I'll tell you what, you're still an eighth grader after that. It's all right.
Starting point is 01:30:11 All right, Jamel, Wikipedia, DatPiff, WorldStar, eBay, and Yahoo. And let me be very clear here, I had never heard of DatPiff. Hey, listen, man. Neither had I. So, you know, listen, man. Neither had. Yeah. So, you know, the rule of thumb is if I don't know it, I'm not going to punish you for that. You get that. Nice.
Starting point is 01:30:31 So. So really an A minus there. All right. I'm going to fuck on. You better hit me with that A plus. This might be a little bit much. The Bing slander hurts you because... All right, that's fair.
Starting point is 01:30:45 I got you. Because while Bing sucks as a search engine for almost everything, it is the top porn search engine out there. Stop it. Are you serious? This is not a joke. I do not search porn.
Starting point is 01:30:58 You knew that. Somebody in the back of the room was like, not porn. Somebody else knows. Bing Crosby kids in the background. Yeah, the Bing slander is not going to stand on my watch. Fair enough, man. I'm learning.
Starting point is 01:31:12 Every day is a day to learn. Sean, you've got Google, Google Video, I mean YouTube. You got me. IMDB, Xvideos, and Thrasher. Solid Xvideos is definitely not the worst. It's the best. Any porn site that defaults to a bright white background and not a black background is not what I'm going to be watching. I want to know what I'm doing is bad.
Starting point is 01:31:46 I do not want the light of day showing me what is happening here. Don't you give me a bad grade. You still got a B plus. I am, I am... He loves it. It's gas in that tank when you boo him. I am not happy with you. That's fine. I'm okay with that.
Starting point is 01:32:09 Ian, you went last. We had Pornhub, ESPN, The Onion, Reddit, and Goop. Listen, anybody out there on Twitter, you know that fifth round is when you throw something against the wall. And if you're gonna do it, you know, make it goop. Like, I get that. Clean it afterwards, but, but, okay. Sniper, sniper.
Starting point is 01:32:36 Nah, he came in hot today. Sniper. Sniper. David said AF- That'll be my spooky Halloween name. Yeah, AF email sniper. Yeah, that's an A, that's an A. Yes! David said AFE. Halloween Amy. AFE Mel Sniper. That's an A. Yes!
Starting point is 01:32:50 I thought I had that one. Thank you, Mel. Hell yeah. Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh my god, Will, get back up here. No, we're good. Okay.
Starting point is 01:33:11 Ian Carmel, clear winner of the draft. Did you just call yourself Ian Carmel? Ian Carmel, clear winner of the All Fair of the Year of the Draft. Yeah, I hear that, it goes Ian Carmel. That's your name, playboy, now. Now, we're gonna do a special mini draft right now. We're gonna do a special mini draft. Oh. We're going to do a special mini draft.
Starting point is 01:33:26 Marissa. No, Marissa, she couldn't make it. She's trapped at the Bolivian consulate. I won't get into it. I won't get into it. What did we walk by the other day that was Bolivia adjacent? Oh, the statue of Shimon Bolivar. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:42 Bolivia adjacent. Wait, were you lying to me? Is that not the actual name? No, it's his name. I just pronounced Shimon likeivar. Yeah. Bolivia adjacent. Wait, were you lying to me? Is that not the actual name? No, it's his name. I just pronounced Shimon like it's Hebrew. Simon Bolivar. I'm over here like, yeah, totally. We both know the name for real.
Starting point is 01:33:54 And that's why we walked by. We're doing a special mini draft of people who are... What is your podcast? Dope that we're stoked on or dank? It's a special draft of people who are dank that we're stoked on. And we're going to invite someone from the crowd to make the first pick in that draft. Brody Duncan, come on up. Come on up.
Starting point is 01:34:14 Which, by the way, Brody Duncan, you sound like a professional athlete. Sick fucking name. Hi, I'm Brody. My pick for the person who's dank and I'm stoked on, is my girlfriend Maddie. Maddie Williams. Wise choice. Bring her up! She's just the best. Sorry, she's the best person in this room.
Starting point is 01:35:01 There's no one... I love her so much. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. So thank you for these guys for letting me come up here and do this. But if you don't mind, I got a question to ask her real quick. Will you marry me?
Starting point is 01:35:19 Thank you. I'm so happy! Hello! Oh, thank you. I promise, my lucky pair of underwear. I don't even know what hand it goes on. You're good. For me! Did you even get to ask?
Starting point is 01:35:54 I didn't hear the words come out. Yes! All right, all right. That was amazing. On the count of three. One, two, three. Mazel Tov! And now, returning to the stage, AFE Mel Kiper.
Starting point is 01:36:20 Are you guys going to register at Nike ID? No. gonna register at Nike ID? That has been our draft. Congratulations. That's so beautiful. Being married fucking rules. It's awesome.
Starting point is 01:36:47 Yeah, we knew yesterday. We knew before you did. I didn't know. I'll tell you that. I didn't know shit. Those have been our picks. I'm sorry, guys. No, I didn't say I just told you.
Starting point is 01:36:56 Fuck yeah. I didn't fucking know. Those have been our picks. We want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcasts at gmail.com. Oh! That's a website!
Starting point is 01:37:10 That's a website! I didn't even think about that. Shout-out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Shout-out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity. Shout-out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. My pick, my pick. Shout-out to super producer Mars on the onesE subreddit. My pick. My pick. Shout-out to super producer Mars on the ones and twos. Shout-out to
Starting point is 01:37:29 St. Sue Carmel. Shout-out to Frankie Ocean. Shout-out to Sid the Dude. Shout-out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Nike ID is actually pretty good.
Starting point is 01:37:44 No! Schicklackity! that was a hate gun podcast

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