All Fantasy Everything - Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart (w/ Sean Jordan, David Gborie and Zak Toscani)

Episode Date: June 29, 2017

It's our worst episode ever! Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians Sean Jordan, David Gborie and Zak Toscani to use big word sound VERY INTELLIGENCE IN ALSO TOO VERY COLLEGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that was recorded the same day as the previous one. And if you listen to that, you know I got really drunk last night, so I don't feel like coming up with something funny for this part. The podcast that shouted at a guy at a party. Oh I was pushing and then he was pushy and then, uh, hugged him a couple seconds later.

I'd like to say I heard whispers of that, but I heard shouts of that. Uh, shouts of it. The whispers of my lover. Yeah. We were playing at the party last night. That was our first gig.

I didn't eat. I got to remind myself to eat dinner, dude. I never eat dinner. Well, I eat dinner all the time, but I never eat dinner on a wild night. I always forget. Also, at this party, they had tons of food. I don't know why I didn't eat it.

I don't either. I caught my blood sugar almost under my feet. I was like, all right, I got to fucking eat. I mean, to be fair, it was kind of – I mean, fried chicken, it's, people were, I was eating it with my hands. Yeah. But I don't care. You're an animal. Who's the lunatic that was trying to cut, who broke their fork?

Oh, yeah, that was Malloy. That was Malloy. Malloy broke his plastic fork trying to cut this fried chicken because he wanted to be civilized. Malloy. Never once have I even entertained the idea of eating fried chicken with a fork. Dude, we're joggers to a funeral and he's got to use a cutlery all of a sudden. Boston through and through. Boston strong.

Joining us today for the podcast. I think it feels weird to say joining us just because this is crew. Sean Jordan. What's up? At Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Kruger Mellon Jordan on the gram. On the gram. Anything to plug coming up?

Third week in July I'll be in Denver doing like six shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that. Zach Toscani. Yo that. Zach Toscani. Yo. At Zach Toscani on Twitter. Yes, sir. And Instagram.

Yes, sir. Anything coming up for you? I'm doing Backyard Bootlegs in LA on the 26th. I believe it's a Saturday. I'm on it too. Friend of the show, Simon Gibson. David Borey will be on the show. I love that show.

It is so fun. It is a fun ass show. Yeah. Simon's the best. Last time I did it, the girl who broke my heart was there. Tore it right out of my chest. Oh, really? I was there that time, too.

Yeah, you were there. We were still dating then. We had a thick crew there that night. Oh, yeah. That was a thick crew. Yeah. And then she just trampled all over my feelings, my hopes, my aspirations. I'm David Borey, guys.

I'm going to be proud about this song. I'll be on tour. The G is silent on Twitter. Cool guy jokes 87. Yeah, you can catch me. Look up my Twitter or whatever for the new dates. I've got more dates for that tour. Yeah.

I'm Ian Carmel. I am going to be in Wilmington, North Carolina at some point. It's called the Dead Crow Comedy Room. Oh, man. I've heard a lot of people Carmel, I am going to be in Wilmington, North Carolina at some point. When is that? It's called the Dead Crow Comedy Room. Oh, man. I've heard a lot of people have done it. I've heard that's fun. I hear it's fun, too.

And it's where Michael Jordan is from. So I'm going to go get some game while I'm there. You got game. Coastal Carolina. I'm excited about it. Yeah, it'll be good, man. I'm excited about y'all coming out to see it. Maybe Tucker Max will show up. I think he's it. Yeah, it'll be good, man. I'm excited about y'all coming out to see it. You know, maybe Tucker Max will

show up. I think he's from around there. How do you know that? And if you get the time, go check out Gullah Gullah Island. Oh, Gullah Gullah Island! There's lots to see and to do there. Remember Gullah Gullah Island? Gullah Gullah Island, dude. Nickelodeon. All we need now is you there. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Gullah Gullah Island? It was a show

on Nickelodeon? Come and let's play together in the bright sunny weather. Let's all go to Gullah Gullah Island. Gullah Gullah! Yeah. And there was a frog on there named Binya Binya. Yeah, Binya Binya on Gullah Gullah. Yeah, the Binya Binya from Gullah Gullah.

There was like a psychedelic frog. The rest of the show was very real, all humans, and then this frog would just show up in the backyard. Binya Binya! I mean, I was a C-SPAN kid myself, but I guess I watched Nickelodeon sometimes. But they also had, they would show you recipes. It was like a cooking show sometime. Sean, you were watching Congressional Testimony on C-SPAN? Yeah, it was more of a C-SPAN kind of guy. I get that, I get that.

Today, speaking of C-SPAN, we're drafting words that you use in conversations to make you feel smart. We're just discussing off- air how dumb we all are. Not smart, man. I was proving it on air. Oh, yeah.

On the last episode. It was the last week's episode. Just in case anyone missed last week's episode. Sean thinks that the phrase was thought. What am I still doing? I was like, you guys are fucking li well yeah thought for 35 years throw kosh into the wind so that happened and then he was like wait a minute is kosh short for caution we had us a time we have a time.

When you said it, did you think that Kosh was like a physical thing? Like that you would throw in? You guys saw me have the realization where I was like, wait, Kosh, you said it in your But for the previous 35 years, what did you think? I never thought about it. Never thought about it. You just contextualized it. So you knew the context.

Yeah. I mean, so it didn't matter. And I guess the way he about it. You just contextualized it. So you knew the context. Yeah. So it didn't matter. And I guess the way he says it. You knew what throw kosh into it meant. I knew what it meant when I bought those turquoise cross colors when I was in fourth grade. When he threw kosh into the one for the first time. Throw in hella kosh. Those would fit me right now.

Turquoise cross color, size 38. Your boy, fourth grade, JFK Elementary. Yuck. Threw kosh into the street. Turned into MLK Elementary. And the way you say it sounds Russian. Yeah. It's perfect.

That's why you... Yeah, it's beautiful. It's a beautiful accent. So, yeah, we're dumb. And we're all... I'll be thinking about that all day. We're all kind of similarly dumb. When I'm mad-dogging pizza, spilling that on my shirt to go with this coffee stick.

I'm not getting us jalapeno poppers. Oh, shit. Yeah. All right, we got to do work first. All right oh shit alright cool yeah let's get this podcast out of the way jalapeno that was a word that took me quite a while so words that we use to make ourselves sound smart jalapeno business jalapeno business

I didn't make that up but I love it is that your first album jalapeno business jalapeno business it's just a briefcase full of gold plated Is that your first album? Jalapeno business. It's just a briefcase full of gold-plated jalapeno poppers. I'm in the jalapeno business, and the business is a-boomin'. Business is poppin'. Business is a-poppin'.

Well, I'm in the onion business, and business is bloomin'. Is bloomin'? Oh. And I'm in the bad at this business. Oh, so you batter the onion wings. So to determine the order of the draft, which I will remind our listeners is a serpentine draft. Yeah, like if you're in a bumper car and you hit the wall and you just kind of go backwards. Okay.

You just kind of go back to where you were. If you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. True story. And we determine the draft order with a raucous game of rock, paper, scissors. One, two, three, shoot. We ready? Yeah, it's on one, two, three, shoot. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, all paper. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, boy. Okay. All right. Sean, tell Jordan. So we'll just go,

we'll go clockwise starting with me. So me, Zach, David, then you. Then Ian. I'm last? Yeah. All. So me, Zach, David, then you. Then Ian. I'm last? Yeah. All right. Sean, Zach, David, and then Ian bringing up the rear. So with the first pick of the words that you use in conversations to make you feel smart,

Sean Jordan, you're on the clock. Superfluous. Oh! That's a good one. That's a great one. That is. It's so many extra letters to mean such a simple thing the word itself

is a bit superfluous yes that was so I think especially if you say bit with it yeah it's a bit

superfluous a tad superfluous I found it a hair superfluous I found all the nudity in jackass a tad superfluous I agree

it's like if you were a bowler and your first ball went and did a 7-10 split, but you're really good at hitting the 7-10 split. Yeah. So setting up the word circumcised. Is it like that? I don't follow.

I don't follow. I don't follow. But I like you. You're my friend. I was trying to pretend like I was smart just now. I was like, oh, yeah. It's just like that. Well, perhaps my analogy was a little circumcised.

Oh, wait. You're throwing all these other words in there. I heard perhaps. Well, we my analogy was a little. Oh, you're throwing all these. I heard perhaps. We're literally talking. Yeah, we have to use words. It's going to be. Wait, wait, wait. I heard.

We can't. Shut the fuck up. All the words were. We're just going to do this podcast via eye contact. I think perhaps makes me sound really. Perhaps. Oh, perhaps. Fucking professor. Like a 40 year old. Perhaps I'd like to get a 40. Oh, perhaps. It's fucking professional, man.

Do you like a 40 of King Cobra? Perhaps. Look who doesn't wear homemade underwear. You gotta make him out of duct tape. Luke has got all his vaccines. Every time I go to the bathroom, it's a punishment. Someone's never had a cavity. Is that what smart people... I have a very strange idea about what a smart man...

Smart people don't get cavities. Someone needs candy in the daytime. Perfluous for a smart person. Oh, look who doesn't go to Jack in the Box and buy tacos and keep them in the fridge and eat them later when they're cold. Well, okay, mister. I don't use mouthwash as deodorant as well. Okay. Okay.

You just pour mouthwash in your armpits? When it dries, it's minty. Don't worry about what I'm doing. Let's explain a bit. Do you have a context in which you've used that for? Like when you say that? Like a girl meaning the girlfriend's parents, you're maybe going to throw that out?

Oh, dude, I don't dare throw it out when it has to mean it. When it has to be right. I would never throw it out in a situation where're maybe going to throw that out. Oh, dude, I don't dare throw it out when it has to mean, when it has to be right. I would never throw it out in a situation where they're going to look at you if you fuck this up. They're going to look at you weird because they know what it means. Yeah, I'd rather just be quiet in a situation like that. Most of these words I stay away from. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fred with caution. These aren't everyday. These aren't ramen noodles. These are like filet mignon. So when are you utilizing them? Okay, Zach. Now he says utilize them. I'm talking. I'm literally talking. Oh, I'm just talking.

Mr. Never Had a Cavity over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They call me Young Bachelor's Degree over here. Young Bachelor. Do you know it's a little bit of a flex? You could be like, I found it flu not... If not superfluous. On a level of fluorousness. I found it fluous, if not superfluous.

I'll tell you what. Oh, man. All the alcohol I drank last night was superfluous. It was superfluous. On top of all the already drank alcohol. Mad extra. Going back to being, like, broke, like we were talking about, or just doing gully shit? Gully water.

Rest in peace. Is that, I was going to ask you, that's not like a, I wasn't an asshole when I was telling people like, yeah, Ian's calling this gully water. It's not like a bad term. I should be ashamed to say it. Gully? No. Gully just means like, yeah.

People were looking at me like I was saying something super bad. Well, we were drinking gully water, so they just were looking at us weird anyway. I think also some people might not know the hip hop slang and just think it's water from a gully. It was not. It was tequila and grapefruit beer in like a one liter. Like you said, water from a gully. It was superfluous as fuck. What was this back to being broke?

Oh, so I was in London. I heard that. You went to London. I went to London recently. Did you just start a being broke story with I was in London? Yeah. I amended to say not broke, but just kind of gully. Okay.

I like gully. Gully gully island over here. I was hammered and I was like, shit, I don't have any clean underwear. So using the body wash from the shower in the sink in the hotel. Tell me. I washed like three pairs of underwear. Dog, you think I ain't been there? Dude, with the body wash from the shower in the sink in the hotel. Tell me. I washed my, I washed like three pairs of underwear. Dog, you think I ain't been there? Dude, with the body wash.

And then like laid it out to dry. Oh yeah, I've used hand soap to clean everything. Yeah, dude. It's called hand washing, my friend. I hand washed it. But you're not supposed to do it with body wash. Tell me the difference between soaps, Ian. I can't. I can't. Like for real, explain to me the difference between soaps. I can't. I can't. Like, for real, explain to me the difference between self.

I did it. I've been doing laundry with shampoo for years now. I've washed my entire body with shampoo. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What's going to happen? What are you going to do? Now my whole shit smells like vanilla bean?

That guy that washes his hair for like a decade. Never use shampoo. Really? Yeah. Real buck, right? Whoa. That's got to be just thick Italian heritage that keeps your hair so... Yeah, I don't know.

I think that's a move. I think not shampoo is a move. I don't ever wash my hair. I wash my hair when it gets washed for a haircut. That's it. I shampoo once a week. Once a week? I don't shampoo.

I've never pooped either, so... Gross, Sean. Never once. Well, it wouldn't be gross if I did, like you heathens, but I don't... Whoa, heathens. Stop. Now you're using the... Gross Sean never once well we'd be gross if I did like see someone that'll, like, just call me heathen, make people feel like I'm smart. It is fun to call people heathens. Heathen, huh?

Oh, yeah, dude. In a bit, I have it. I have one kind of godless heathen. Stinking heathens? Yeah. You stank-ass heathens? Zach had one that cut back in the day. He'd be like, you fucking pig.

He'd say that to me all the time. I'm like, damn that. The way you said that hurts your feelings, dude. I'm like, Seth. Pig is mean. It is mean to call somebody a pig and be mean. Fucking pig. You fucking pig.

Oh, God. That hurts my feelings. Yeah, Zach did it without shame. So, yeah, superfluous. What do we got? Fantastic. Zach Toscani, it's time for your first pick. Fucking pig.

Let's hear it. I don't like this. I don't either. I don't like this. I don't either. I'll stop. He won't. So for my first pick, this is one near and dear to me. This is like the first word I picked up on when I was a kid that I was like, oh, adults use this.

Basically. I thought basically was a smart word. Yeah, we all blow it sometimes on the first try. I would use it. I'd be like eight years old and I would like go up to my dad and be like, I could really use some water. Basically, I'm thirsty. There you go.

You sold me. You did. At first, I don't think I'd ever been more aghast at a pick until you said that basically I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. Yeah, yeah. So this is a throwback. It's not one you use now.

Yeah. I will say that I know a lot of dumb dudes in my life who use basically. That's true. And I know they're going to say some whack shit right after. Yeah, basically. Like, we'll be watching, like, TV, and somebody cool will say something smart, like Neil deGrasse Tyson. And somebody will be like, I don't get it. And then my dumbass friend will be like, well, basically, what are you saying?

I'm like, you're fucking. Yeah. You're using jail science. Basically Mars is far away, you know? Yeah. Like basically, and you're like, that's not what he meant at all.

Basically, I got her pregnant and basically she's keeping it. Basically, I'm going to need to move probably until. I basically drove her there and she basically wouldn't even get out of the car. Basically, you have to move out of, off my couch.

When you say basically, I the responsibility onto like something else instead of you basically basically i'm thirsty it's my body i can't change it but i picked but i picked basically because that was the first word and i remember doing it as a kid like oh i gotta you when you like know you have to start using a new word. Yeah. So that's, yeah. It's like when people say, like, legitimately. Yeah.

Or they say it too much because they think it's, like. Or literally. Oh, literally is the word. Dude, I legit say literally too much. No, I can't pick it. You can't pick? You were going to pick literally? No, no, no, no.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. In his head, he's just screaming. In my head, I'm slitting my wrist the long way right now. He just looks down at his shoes and clenches his fist. No, I wasn't going to fucking pick it, dude. Basically, I was. A precaution to the wind to pick it? It could be an apology.

Like, listen, basically, what I was going to do was this. But now, basically, I feel like we're okay. I feel like I use it when I'm trying to get out of something. Yeah. For sure. Basically, what I'm saying is. was this. But now, basically, I feel like we're okay. I feel like I use it when I'm trying to get out of something. Yeah. For sure. Look, basically, what I'm saying is. Listen, like, yeah, okay. Did I puke in your backyard and pee on your couch?

Basically, here's what happened. I've been having a rough one. Shifts the responsibility. Yeah, it shifts it completely. Yeah. It turns you into more of a victim. You turned me. I was not sold on it at first.

But, yeah, basically, I'm me. I was not sold on it at first, but yeah, basically I'm in. That was just the best. Like, well, you know, uh, I'd like a glass of water. Basically. Your dad just looking at you like, I fucking don't care. You're my kid. I'll get you a glass of water. For sure.

As a kid, that sounds so condescending. Cause it's like, he wouldn't know. That is some Disney Channel kid shit. Basically, I'm thirsty. Dad, look at me. Basically, I'm thirsty. It's fucking water. It's such a good, dumb, smart thing to say because it's like you're doing the math for him.

Basically, let me dumb it down for you. That's exactly what it is. It's like, let me add it up for you. I'll add it up for you. Basically, yeah. Listen up, you dullard. I need a drink. I gotta wet my whistle, you dummy. Listen Listen up, you dullard. I need a drink.

I got to wet my whistle, you dummy. Yeah. Listen, I don't want to answer your questions. Basically, I need. Tell you what, dipshit. I need Beast Wars on the TV and chicken wings in my hand. Basically, I'm going to teach you how to parent. I like it. Fantastic pick.

I like that pick. David Boy, it's time for your first pick. Interesting enough, I only use this word when I'm trying to sound smart. Yeah. Intelligence. Oh. That's the only time I ever use it. Like, when we're talking, just like me and you hanging out, I'm like, oh, yeah, that guy's really smarter.

I don't think that guy's smart enough to do that. Yeah. But when I'm trying to be smart, I'm like, I don't think he has the intelligence. I like your smart voice. Like, ooh, so-and-so likes the intelligence. They didn't think I had the intelligence. He lacks the intelligence for the position. I don't know why I'm talking like that fucking hound dog from Hanna-Barbera.

That would really bum me out. Like, if I was in a job interview and they're like, well, what it boils down to is we don't think you have the intelligence to hold this position. Dude. Dude. Basically. You only say that word if you're trying to sound smart, though. It doesn't.

It's too long. There's like so many more direct ways to get to that point. Intelligence. Or like the intelligentsia. Yes. All the intelligentsia. That's the grapevine of the mustigentsia. Yes. Or Intelligentsia. That's the grape of the mustard of intelligence. Intelligentsia sounds like a rapper's first choice for a rapper name, and then they're

like a year into the game, and they're like, I can't be Intelligentsia. Intelligentsia. I didn't go to college. That's kind of a dope name for a rapper. People don't get that it was supposed to be misspelled. Yeah, I mean, it's stupid because I put a Y in there, but. Think about it. Have you ever used that word when you weren't trying to sound smart?

No. It's not a day-to-day word. That and it's not a day-to-day word. It's a bold statement. Because when you say it, you're like, me who has the intelligence is delegating who does not have said intelligence. I don't know that I've ever said that word in a conversation. Exactly. I mean, I'm saying it right now, but I don't know that it's ever come up in a conversation.

It doesn't. And that's a bold statement. It doesn't. It doesn't come up unless you force it. You gotta jam that in. Intelligence. You gotta jam that thing

right in there. It doesn't fit. It doesn't fit square peg, round hole. We're talking about fan boats and fucking martial arts. You're over here saying intelligence.

That doesn't make sense. Maybe if you watch a documentary about someone that you're talking to someone about the next day,'d be like the intelligence on this person but i know not even i wouldn't i'd be like that dude's smart as shit you didn't even you just didn't know how to use it that's how i that's how i know that infrequent sounds like a newborn movie the born intelligence well it's it means spy shit which is dope about it too yeah counter intelligence intelligence counter intelligence which i feel like should be a term for dumb.

Counterintelligence. You know what else it is? When you go to McDonald's and you know exactly what you want. Counterintelligence. And there's a lot of people who lack counterintelligence. They go up there like, like the menu has changed in the last 40 years. You know when I use intelligence?

When I'm trying to explain why J.R. Smith is actually smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has a level of intelligence. He has a physical intelligence. Yeah. Yeah. Can J.R. Smith read? Who knows?

He can type. He can read his DMs. If you see him like, if you see him, you know, get that pass off the picking roll and hit it. Like, your body's not smart enough to do that. He's got a certain level of intelligence. Of physical intelligence. Basically, he's a genius. He's basically a genius.

He's a body genius. He's a body genius. That's why he's out there. He's a body genius. I take that so quick. All those book smarts are superfluous. So at the end of this- They actually used to call me young body genius.

We should just try to see if we can keep using the words throughout the podcast. At the end of this, I'm going to challenge Ian to just say a sentence or a paragraph with all of these words in it, in order. I'm equal to the challenge. We could all give it a shot. Equal. Challenge, dude. I don't think Ian's the only one with intelligence here. I'm basically pretty smart. Basically, we've got to round out the first round here.

What's your first round? Oh, yeah. Okay, we got to round out the first round here. What's your first round? Oh, yeah. Okay, so it's time for my first pick. And I am picking wherewithal. Oh, dude, that's your right. Every time I say that, I'm like, you pretentious bastard. That's a three for one. Wherewithal.

That's a three for one. I don't think I have the... Because you're saying it about somebody and you're being a dick. He had the wherewithal. He didn't have the wherewithal to blankety blank on the blank blank? You have the wherewithal. We're a buffoon. You have the wherewithal to come in here and talk to me.

I don't even think you're using it right now. I think I am. I don't think that's how you could say it. Wherewithal is like the wherewithal. Like the gall? The gall. Yeah. Wherewithal is like that. Like the gall. The gall. Yeah. Wherewithal.

The stones. Read the definition. I might be an idiot. We're all idiots. Yeah, we are. That with which to do something. So no, that wasn't right. What the fuck does that mean?

Means or supplies for the purpose. Yeah. Yeah. So you can't say you had the wherewithal to come in here. Yeah, you can. Like I had the wherewithal to cover it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't. Like, I had the wherewithal to turn my wicker on.

You had the means to do this. I'm going to be honest. He read that definition. I didn't know what it meant and I thought I should stick to my gun. Well, it sounds fake. I'll tell you guys

the complete truth. That with which to do something? What does that mean? A definition shouldn't need to be defined. That with which to do something? That is the vaguest ass. Yeah, that. The person had the where to do something, that is the vaguest ass. Yeah.

The person had the wherewithal to write that as the definition. It's fucking insane. He had the wherewithal to write to Merriam and Webster. Is it Merriam-Webster or is it two people? I think it's two people. I don't know. Like Stratler and Waldorf? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Encyclopedia and Britannica? Yeah. Britannica, that's my baby's name. Young Britannica? Daniel Encyclopedia. Daniel Encyclopedia. He's only eight, dude. Young Danny.

Nobody says wherewithal calmly. No, no, no. It's always like you have to be offended when you say it. Also, I feel like when you use wherewithal, it shows that you're passionate about what you're talking about. But wherewithal, you're taking yourself out of the equation. You're being objective. This person really did have the – where did they get the wherewithal? Where with all of that.

Where you going with all that candy? Where with all that. It is. It is. It's like you have broken a societal agreement. Yes. Yeah. And I'm signing it.

This is so fun. I'm just like, everything I say now, I'm like, wait, I'm going to sound stupid. Everybody's going to listen to this podcast and be like. And then we're bullshitting around. Our listenership is going to drop so hard after this. They're going to be like, oh,

I thought these guys kind of had it together. No, they were just a bunch of They had the wherewithal to drop this fucking podcast and insult my intelligence. They threw caution to the wind

and just dropped this bullshit. Yeah, basically, they fucking lost the listeners. Four dumb nails and a two by four up there. They basically ruined my summer. Yeah.

This whole podcast was superfluous, you know what I mean? It was, I mean, it was fluous. Yeah, it was fluous This whole podcast was superfluous. You know what I mean? I mean it was fluous. Yeah, it was fluous. It was at least fluous. All right, wherewithal. All right, wherewithal is my first pick.

All right, and then double down. And I'm going to double down my second pick as it is serpentine draft. I am going to take, oh, there's so many ones I want to take. I am thinking of like each one every 10 seconds I get a new one. Dichotomy. Oh. Yeah, I never say that

unless I'm trying to stun on some other one. The dichotomy. Knife to my throat. I would be... It'd be hard to use dichotomy for me. Fully grasp what it means. Everyone try using dichotomy in a sentence, Sean. I'm so scared. I don't like the dichotomy of a sentence, Sean. I'm so scared.

I don't like the dichotomy of this prison cell. No. Not really. Maybe, I mean, maybe. Could you explain why? No, no, I can't. I was trying to take the heat off, and I don't know what it means

when I say prison cell. Yeah, what the fuck? You could have imagined any scenario. I don't like the dichotomy of this prison cell. I like turkey ham, dichotomy, Swiss on Italian herb and cheese. And then cut a dichotomy. Basically, I want a sandwich. You use it, dickweed.

Dickweed was my next one. The dichotomy in the city is due to... I call a prison cell the city. What is it due to? Due to differences between... Well... Differences between economic growth and no welfare system. It's a good thing you're not a lawyer, my friend.

That was me sweating bullets at a party. You better not be looking up what it means. I think about poetic, you know, I'll let you see the hire me, the self-righteous drug dealer dichotomy. Oh! Okay. I'm going to... That was a push alert. That was a push alert, yeah.

That was a loan and vacance. I don't still know what it means! It doesn't mean like the duality? Yeah! The duality of man? It's like a division into two parts. Yeah, the dichotomy of man. The dichotomy of man. The dichotomy of man.

I think I would have gotten a D on my answer. I passed. D for dichotomy. You did kind of. You really bullshitted your way through. You fully like showed up for the book report without having read the book. Oh. You kind of BS'd your way through.

In school, any time I had to do a book report, I would just always, my go-to was just being like, well, this was really about innocence loss, wasn't it? Because it kind of fits with every story. Whoa! Somebody just on Twitter,

Ed Ballard, shout out to Ed Ballard. Yeah, friend of the podcast. He's friend of the podcast. He's a chill dude. He put my picture on the guy from Megadeth's sweating bullets. Also, Shacklackity with a cell phone. He really did it up.

Oh, shit. Oh, cool. Shacklackity. Sorry, I didn't mean to get you guys. But that's the dichotomy of our listeners. You know what I mean? They're both playful and serious. Yeah, you know, it's superfluous at best.

So that's my second one. Dichotomy. It means like, yeah, like the two parts of something. I am both a passionate lover and a learned man. The dichotomy of Ian Carmel. They would have heard my definition and be like, I don't like the dichotomy of my prison cell. You can't just read and hump good.

No. They would have put me in the unique learning experiences class if they heard my definition of dichotomy. We're going to put you in Yulee where you do a lot of macaroni stuff. Man. Macaroni stuff is my version of second base. All the creative kids in Sioux Falls were in Yulee and they're like, yeah, I'm in the genius class. I'm like, nah, dog, you're in the ADD class. That's what Y the creative kids. Macaroni stuff is my version of second base. All the creative kids in Sioux Falls were in Yulee, and they're like, yeah, I'm in the genius class. I'm like, nah, dog, you're in the ADD class. That's what Yulee is.

You want to come over to my house this weekend and do some macaroni stuff? Maybe some hand stuff. What kind of macaroni stuff are we talking about? We go to Bucca di Beppo and do some macaroni stuff later. Oh, my God, dude. Bucca di Beppo. Bucca di Beppo. We got to have a Bucca di Beppo night.

We were talking about it. Yeah, we're going to. There's one in Burbank. Yeah. This is good for the pod. David. Oh, no. Young Borey. With your second pick. My second pick is

I'll Be It. I have never said that. I've never said that word with 100% confidence. Until 4 o'clock this morning in Des Moines, Iowa when I was looking up stuff for the podcast, I kind of thought it was three words. Yeah.

It's not. It's one word. It's one word. It's A-L-B-E-I-T. I'm aggressively nodding like I knew that. I didn't. No. That word, I've never said it and been comfortable, but I've always said it in like, you know, like.

Albeit superfluous to get so much cheese on a sandwich. Right. Yeah, I think so. I think that might be it. We all took a second like, okay, did he fuck this? No? No. The cheese was delicious, albeit a bit superfluous.

Yeah. I like to eat it better. I feel like we're all really on our P's and Q's right now, and I appreciate it. We should all try to use the words. Everybody's mad nervous. Nobody wants to get. I was going to throw out we should all try to spell. I guess I just did, but there's no way.

I'm looking at my list. I'm like, if somebody got a hold of this, they'd think you were a serial killer. That you're spelling these. They think these were women's names. Especially because this is right on top of my Summer Jams list. Yeah, albeit. It does make you sound smart yeah and you only say it when you're trying to impress them it is a simple albeit uh sophisticated word there we go there we go yeah he brought it around but this highlights a problem when you try to use smart

words if you're oh man if you're on the fence and you just stop in the middle of a sentence. Unless you do that like a smart guy searching for the right word move where you're like, That's how I do it. That's how I do it. It's a beautiful, albeit drab. And then I just, everything, it all goes up. It's all, oh, I'll be a good man. Like sometimes if I'm trying to talk smart, I pretend like I don't know what I'm, I pretend

like my brain's going so fast when really I'm just trying to, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's an incredible, albeit, uh, super bliss,klift cheese sandwich. You just put your hand on their chest and you go, you know what? I don't think you'd understand it. It's okay. I'm not trying to put this into terms. You might get this if I say it, so I'll just leave. You are a...

You have to leave. You have to drop the one word that you know and then leave. You are kind, albeit simple, man. This is a beautiful barbecue, a beautiful spread, albeit hamburgers. Albeit. But both were. You guys want to play tag? Albeit. Both were.

Albeit. God damn it. I was going to say, you thought it was the Jackson 5 song, I'll be there. I'll be there. I'll be there. That's like bigotry.

Like, my neighbor has a bigotry than me. Initiate. All those old Jeff Foxworthy ones. Initiate. My girlfriend ate 12 buffalo wings. Initiate. A whole basket of fries. Or like that buckwheat joke.

Which one? I don't know. Now I feel like I realize I don't want to say it. What do we got? It is... Well, I just wanted to say wherewithal and albeit are smart sounding words, but if you look at them, they're just like three words jammed together. Wherewithal.

That's a lot of my MO is just jam a ton of stuff together and people think that it's great. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of how i've gotten by thus far zach uh zach and uh you do you have the wherewithal to make your second pick i do indeed yeah indeed is not one of them sean it's okay that's just a word i use i'm gonna go second pick it's all slow it was two words i I just thought of another one. My second pick is juxtaposition.

Oh! Damn it! That's the fucking one! When we, whoever, this was David's idea, right? This one? Yeah. Zach's like, dude, that's the word. Yeah.

That's the only word I use that has a J and an X in it. I've heard you use it. That's 100% true. That probably is true There's not a lot of JX words Jacks for Mortal Kombat Jacks and Daxter No Jack and Daxter Oh yeah

Yeah that's it Or Jacks the game but still Jacks Or that's CK Oh Janks Oh yeah true Nope I'm not even gonna I'm not gonna fuck it up It's still Jax. That's CK. Jinx. But I don't say that. Oh, Jinx. Yeah, Jinx. Oh, yeah. True. Nope.

I'm not even going to fuck it up. Juxtaposition. If you would please. Well, dude, if you don't mind juxtaposing for us. The dichotomy. Juxtasuppose, I'd like to hear you use this. What a broken ass word that is. What if it's juxtaposition yeah

it sounds like so it sounds like a spell it's stupid it's so goddamn unnecessary juxta it i if somebody said that to me i'd have to spit on it would be like stop man i gotta spit on you now we gotta fight juxta it's a beautiful word though it's just janky it is if juxtaposition is like if like an old truck was a word it also sounds like there's like a root word but i don't think there is i don't know what language like it sounds like they're supposed to be like oh juxtaposition you mean like when you juxtapose yeah i think it's its own it's its own language i feel like it's gonna be just that one word some latin stuff i don't know like what is this french and latin i'd love to hear a sentence. Fratten. Oh, with juxtaposition?

I'd love it. I would say that a lot of men's fashion these days relies on juxtaposition between like Western clothing, like just kind of like more casual clothing. Didn't ask for a paragraph, nervous Nellie, a sentence is what I was looking for. While their hair is well-groomed and maintained, like someone who, you someone who would shower or bathe often, things of this nature. You didn't say juxtaposed. Yeah. Was that part of the original sentence? A lot of it is based around the juxtaposition between these two kind of dressing grimy but actually being very clean and –

I think he's right. You understand. Yeah, I know. I think he's right because I'm scared that I'm wrong. Yeah. So I think I'm gonna go there. Long walk, though. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I like long walks. Suck me on a long walk under like a crummy bowl of cereal, you know? That's an interesting juxtaposition. Well, why don't you use it, you son of a bitch?

Ha ha! Whoa! There's the Italian. Yeah. Let's hear it, Sean. My dad would see a bottle of vodka and juxtaposition the whole thing. You don't get to

drunk dad your way out of this. That's wrong, but I'm just giving it to you. The juxtaposition of that Hessian driving the Miata is odd to me. It's a weird juxtaposition. Some dude with long hair, like a mullet, some guy driving a Miata, it's a weird juxtaposition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't understand the word you're saying. Some dude with long hair, like a mullet. Some guy driving a Miata.

It's a weird juxtaposition. What's a Hessian? Can we, because we don't know all these words? It's a, will you explain it? You're the skater boy. A Hessian, just like a gnarly looking. I just, I was going to say a buck looking dude. It's long hair, like a.

It's like a metal dude. You're sounding a lot like a see you later boy right now. Like Dave Mustaine would be a Hessian. You are being a. Sonny, what's the hell's angels dude sunny barger he's a hessian like just gnarly dudes am i a hessian sometimes yeah i this this is sort of sort of off this is the most nervous i've ever been recording i'm looking at three of my best friends and i'm shaking i'm having a a blast. This girl one time, she goes,

she's like, yeah, I was riding a horse and I got bucked off. And I go, oh, that sounds gnarly. I was going to say buck and I was like, it's not going to make any sense. She'll think I'm making fun of her. Oh, that sounds buck. Yes. Yes, it was. Yeah, dickhead, it was

buck. I fractured a vertebrae. Oh my goodness. Well, dickhead, it was. I fractured a vertebrae. Oh, my goodness. Well, that had to be gnarly, crazy, intensity, intense city. Live at Budokai, relax, Gonzo. Do you say tense city or tense city? I say tense city. It's intensity in tense cities.

But I say tense city because it's like a jail in Phoenix that Smith went to one time. Tense city. Tense City. I say Tent City. It's intensity in Tent Cities. But I say Tent City because it's like a jail in Phoenix that Smith went to one time. Tent City. Tent, Tent City. I've heard of these tent jails. They got one in Louisiana, too. Tent City is blocked, dude. Yeah, it's like Scarface. The farm.

I thought Smith was doing what Scarface was doing. Ravinga! Ravinga! When they're just walking through. Ravinga! No, no, they're saying Libertad Revenga. No, no. They're saying, Libertad. Libertad.

Yeah, Libertad. Because it's the revolution and the thing. And then he takes out the knife and says, Revenga. I say that shit sometimes just to myself. Yeah, just walk out front. Look at the street. Broad sword in one hand, corn on the cob in the other oh man i'm living so are you guys gonna give give a try to uh juxtaposition you know

i think we all got i think we all got it this riff is long so i'm just dodging the bullet. Can I go? No, we won't know it. Shut up, Zach. Just trying to beat the dawn. Juxtaposition between... Sean, it's your turn. With your second pick. All right. It's going to be aforementioned. Oh, that's a good one. I don't think I've ever actually dropped that.

That's one that I just learned like a year ago. Well, you know, the aforementioned big words that we were discussing. Yeah, the aforementioned superfluous pick. You know what aforementioned reminds me? Is that I don't know what former or latter means. I don't know the difference. Oh. It fucks me up a lot.

Latter is just the second one in the... Former is the first one. Yeah, in the sense of like... Oh, so it's... Yeah, it's real easy now in the HeadGum Studios. You want Pepsi, you can go on the ladder. You can catch it on the streets, you know, when it really matters. I mean, to be fair, they have the definition

on the wall behind you so I can see it. Usually when your back's up against the wall at a house party. I was born with my back against the wall, dude. I sit in the corner. Nobody sneaks up. Me and Al Capone, dude. Give me the corner booth. You've put me in a corner since. I got eyes on this whole thing.

You've put me in a corner since I was a baby. Yeah. Oh! Dirty dancing. That's just staring at me. Yeah. Why is he looking like, say something stupid? There's a church of Latter-day Saints.

Is there a church of former-day saints? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the, nope, I got no joke. I'm so, I got, this, I'm really nervous this whole podcast. You're shook, dude. I'm shook. I am shook. I didn't even think I could get shook.

You're shook. Young boys over there shook. Fucking shook, man. Shook is shook. Yeah. Affirmation. That's one that I just thought of like 30 seconds ago. I just wanted to jump in here and say there isn't a church of former day saints.

Just because nobody answered your question. There isn't. We could do that. Yeah. We could start one, but there isn't one yet. I think I could be a pastor. I think you'd be a great pastor. I think I could really get people to think shit if I

just yelled it with conviction. Yes, you could whip people up into a frenzy. I would call you El Pastor. Oh, maybe that's what we should get to eat. Again. We gotta focus. Okay. So aforementioned. Afformention. The aforementioned lunch we're gonna eat later. See, aforementioned the aforementioned lunch we're gonna eat later see yeah the aforementioned lunch we're gonna eat at dinner oh yeah so

for my third pick yeah i'm gonna pick just because this has always been i just love the way it sounds i'm gonna pick felonious oh felonious does that mean having to do and or with a felon having committed a felony felony. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So like if you got like. I was so scared that was what I thought because I'm dumb. And then it didn't mean that. And then it wasn't like, no, it's a gentle wind. What are you talking about?

Yeah, that's what I was wondering. It's a little felonious outside. I don't know if I should ride the bicycle or not. Felonious would be a beautiful name. Well, I mean, felonious. That's not what his name is. That was felonious. Felonious. What? Another I was alone he thought felonious

what what you thought his name was felonious monk wrist that's right throw your computer away you thought it was like the one jazz guy water all over the evidence he was the one jazz guy who had a rap name. Pour water all over the evidence. He was the one jazz guy who had a rap name? Damn it! Everybody else was John Coltrane and Dave Brubeck and he's like, I'm a felonious monk.

Fuck, man, I feel horrible about myself. What kind of mother would be? I didn't think it was a real name. He thought that... Chris, I don't see you pouring water on anything. Man, this has been a rough two weeks. Sean just comes in with a baseball bat and just beats up all the equipment. Well, now my glasses are sweating somehow.

That's how stupid I feel. He was just sitting there in the studio. He threw Kosh into the wind and decided to call himself... You know one other the weird things? I kind of saw you doing that comment, and in my head I was like, don't you do it. I stopped. Don't you do it. I stopped.

I saw it too. I go, well, you know, felonious, and I was like, don't. I feel like you looked around and saw everybody's face. Yeah, me too. Nobody was giving you the green light to go ahead. No. We're all conversation risk takers, but now I'm going to have to start a new Twitter account. Don't even start a new life.

Yeah. I hear the desert's nice. Now I got to call Laura and tell her this one. Yeah. Hey, you want to know what else I did really stupid today? No, I just called you 20 minutes ago

and made you regret the last three years, but... You know how you chose to love me? No, you're the best. Felonious. That's a good word. It is. Not a name, but it's a good word. It could be after this. The one jazz musician with a rapper name.

Felonious Monk would be a dope rapper name. Yeah, that would be great. Yeah, up until a minute and a half ago, I thought it was... He's not a rapper. No, he played a horn. Anyway half ago, I thought it was. He's not a rat. No, I know. No, he played a horn. That's fine. That's not true.

Anyway. Yeah, felonious, dude. Yeah, felonious. Somebody gets multiple D-doubles, they're felonious. Getting into some felonious activities. God damn it. Getting into some felonious activities. What a bummer.

It is a good word. Felonious monks would be cool, though. Like monks who... Dude, some felonious monks. Just the best monks out here. It's a fun game. I mean, do you think that's ever been a newspaper headline? It must have been. Where some monks were after some goalie shit, and they were just like some felonious monks. Just the best monks out here coming to Christ. I mean, do you think that's ever been a newspaper headline? It must have been, where some monks were after some goalie shit, and they were just like,

felonious monks. What I worry is that most monk goalie shit would be sexual. Oh, good point. Maybe they're like selling bootleg hazelnut fudge. What makes a bootleg fudge? It's like they don't pay taxes on it. You ever had a bathtub fudge before? They don't have permits?

These fucking felonious monks, dude. That's how NASCAR started. Butt leg fudge. I stir it with a shovel in the bathtub. Story of my life. I'll keep the filberts in the turlet. I got a long climb to do before I'm out of this hole. Felonious.

There's no climb. There's no climb. There's no ladder. You're just down there. I got to climb the former then. All right, you're back up. That's my guy. There he is. I'm sweating with the air conditioner on over here.

Wow. Okay, yeah, felonious. Great word. Take the heat off me. So for the third pick, I'm going to pick a word that David used in the last podcast because I heard him use it and then I wrote it down. Quintessential. Oh, that is good. You do stunt on people when you say it.

It's like you're giving your opinion on something is usually when you use it. So that's when you're. The highest opinion, though. Oh, yeah. It's not like... I don't just think this is great. I think this is the quintessential. It's not just essential. What does quint mean? Quintessential. Five.

It might be true. I love you. Sean hopes it's true. It could be true. Sean needs this to be true. I'd like it to be true. I mean, quintuplets, five, right? I mean, I know it's not actually what quintessential means, but... I went to a couple years of college. No, I didn't.

You keep looking at me like that, dude. I didn't. I went to one. Oh, on dictionary.com, the quintessential Jewish delicatessen. That's the example. I love that. And I consider cats to be the best. You're putting an expert hat on.

You're like, I'm an expert on this shit. So let me tell you what the quintessential blankety blank is. For sure, you need them to know your opinion. According to Sean Jordan, the quintessential Taco Bell menu item is a bean burrito no onions. True story, my friend. And fucking Van Gundy, right? The aforementioned bean burrito no onions. Oh, yeah, apparently Jeff Van Gundy

or somebody's also a big fan of the Bean Burrito. During the finals, he said, he goes, first pick on the Taco Bell menu for me, Bean Burrito every time, something like that. There's a bunch of people tweeting. Thank you, by the way, for tweeting at me. Made me feel really good about myself. It's crazy how wrong you both are.

Didn't you guys originally have the premise for the show was going to be all quintessential everything? All quintessential everything. Yeah. What do you need for a camping trip? Superfluous quintessential totality. Yeah. The original name of the podcast.

Welcome to another episode. Did you say quintessential fatality? Quintessential totality. That's too many. Fatality. There's too much going on. Jack's doing quintessential fatality. Rip your arms off. Oh, that's what Jack's doing. Yeah. Okay. There's too much going on. Jack's the quintessential fatality. Rip your arms off.

Oh, that's what Jack's is. Okay. I was trying to remember. I was thinking about metal arms, and I was like, am I crazy? Swole black dude with metal arms. Jack's. Oh, man, that's all I've ever wanted. You go to one lamp website six months ago, and now every targeted ad is for $8,000 lamps.

Look at this shit. That one is a horse. Yeah, it's a horse with a lamp on it. It's $8,000. Boy, man, I really hope... What were you doing the day that you went to the one lamp? I was thinking about buying an expensive lamp. The quintessential lamp. I'm not even... You know what?

I like knowing you right now because you're settling in to having your money. I'm trying to figure out who I am. Yeah, what am I going to do? Maybe I get this badass lamp. I might be a lamp guy. And I'll just have that lamp forever. And have a good story about it. Was that the lamp that's in Casual Corner?

No, but that's a different lamp, but that is a lamp I like. That's a nice lamp. We got a Casual Corner in the crib. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A thinking man's place. It is a thinking man's place. I've never sat over there. I don't think any of us have ever sat over there. I look at it, though. It is a thing in man's place. I've never sat over there. I don't think any of us have ever sat over there. I look at it, though.

I used to work for Hulu, and there's a table there, and then they fucking fired me. All right, Sean, it's going to be okay. Stop, dude. You have multiple felonies over at Hulu. Multiple? That was the next on my list, actually, guys. Multiple. Multiple. Multiple.

I've had multiple of your free roll-ups. It's the multiplicity. Multiple Dennis Eckersley rookie cards. It is a common, albeit complicated, word. Exactly. See? I'm just glad somebody gets me. David, it's time for your third pick

we are flying through this one because I think we're all so nervous I know I'm really scared even when I say the pick I'm just thinking about the tweet it's like a congressional hearing and this is like

I constantly in life have my back to the wall about people finding out how dumb I am anyways so this is just heightened I constantly in life have my back to the wall about people finding out how dumb I am anyways. So this is just heightened. Dude, I am on wax saying two of the dumbest things I've ever said in my life today. That shit is going to go out. How many downloads do we have at this point?

Like a lot. I mean, if it's steady amount of listeners. Thousands of people are going to know that that's how you feel. Dipshit nonsense coming out of this fucking pie hole. Thousands. And I'm going to promote this one. I might pay 20 bucks. I'm going to take some of my lamp money. Take some of that lamp money.

Take some of that lamp money. I'll sit in the dark. I got to move my investments around. Sit in the dark just laughing. I'll sit cackling in the dark. Watching the notifications roll in. Great Malenko in the distance. Great Malenko.

I don't think I've ever even heard that song. Oh, it is a terrible, albeit horrible song. David, it's time for your third pick. My third pick is the word beholden. And not like, yo, I beholden. Although I beholden. Although, yeah, I beholden. Get at me, I'd be holding.

Get at me two for fives. I just only say that word ever. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, I'm so scared. And I don't, I don't operate that way and I don't like it. So I'm trying to overcome it. Like I say it when I want you to think that I have serious obligations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, yeah, he said I was going to do that open mic on Tuesday,

but I'm not beholden to his whim. There it is. Oh, I love it. Dude, that was great. Yeah, it was perfect. Yeah, it was fantastic. That's exactly how you use it. It took all of my energy. Well, you're beholden to the sense of appearing intelligent. David, your ear's bleeding now. Just like a stream of blood.

My nose is just gushing. We're all going to go home and sleep for 38 hours. Our brains got worn out. A blocked dreamless sleep. Doc, I think I got an STD. I just did a hard podcast. It's all the end of Captain Phillips for us. Yeah.

After this podcast. I feel like, by the way, you're right. We are speeding through it because everyone's afraid. Yeah. Well, so in like, this was junior year of high school. They found out that I needed an arts credit before I graduated. And so they just put me in this photography class. And first day of class, I'm like, you know, I'm coming in the middle of like the school year or whatever.

So I'm like nervous about that. And then they're like, all right, you have to do a presentation on your favorite photographer. And so I was like, don't I get like an extension? And they're like, no, it's tomorrow. So I had to do this thing. I just picked Ansel Adams because that was was gotta be ansel adams ansel adams went easy and then when i got up in front of the class i just could not i was so shaken that i couldn't say photography so i was saying photography and people were losing it and then it just fucking rolled down where i could i was like photographer like a 15 minute speech every time it was like, photographer. Like, 15 minutes

each every time. It was like, I knew I was messing it up, but I couldn't fix it. That is sick. I've had that in stand-up where you're just like, you're just fucking it up actively and you know you're fucking it up, and you just keep fucking. By the way, most of the words I'm picking were in jokes until I was like,

I can't say that on stage comfortably. Sometimes it doesn't roll off the tongue. No. Juxtaposition of the smart words in my dumb face. Well, you feel beholden to this character you play on stage. Exactly. You guys get it, man.

And that character, albeit successful, is basically a mirage. Yeah, absolutely. Well, this plays the dichotomy of Zach Toscani, if you ask me. You know, the juxtaposition of... Get me out of this cell! That was your contribution!

I don't like being in prison! I don't like the juxtaposition of me being in prison. Get that dichotomy out of my face. I told you I like ladies! I'll cut that dichotomy off, dude. Test me. This is my first day in. You don't know me.

I worry that you've really thought out this prison scenario a bunch of times. I think you'd be okay. I think you'd be better than you think you would be. Pillowcase full of soda cans. Beat the fucking tar out of the biggest dude. They're not just going to come in raping you. I don't use that word. That's what you're thinking about, clearly.

No, I'm talking about, have you ever seen the original Bad Boys? Yes, I've seen it. Yeah, the soda cans and the pillow. But I think, you know, people go to prison for a myriad of reasons. Whoa. Did I just drop some shit?

That was on the list. That was on the list. That was on the list. Maybe. I don't know, man. This shit just comes out in casual convo for me. Cash con. It's not like a thing.

It's cash con. You know what I mean? I'm biz cash with it right now. Biz cash con. I'm biz cash. Holy buckets. Biz cash con. I'm going to have abs after this.

I'm laughing so much. That's why we put it out. After. I had abs before this motherfucker. Yeah.. After. So beholden. Yeah. Beholden. That was great. Great word.

Are we on second or third? Third. I'm about to make my third pick. Damn. Third and fourth. And fourth. Because what kind of draft is it? We are ripping.

It's a serpentine. It's a serpentine. Which again would be a fun word. It's because everybody's just scared. Yeah. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by schedule 35. Now microdosing is an absolute game changer.

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Litany. Oh, yeah. Litany. That's very good. A litany of reasons. Zero chance of me using that in a sentence. Give it a try. Come on.

Zero. I don't like the litany of this prison cell. No. Yeah, my boy Litany is coming over he's got so many mushrooms favorite singer gotta be last night me and joey we got lit and then he bought some more beers it was a litany of malt liquor. It's just like a bunch, right? Yeah, it's like a bunch.

It's like a prolonged sort of like, yeah, God, there was a whole litany of things he was complaining about. It's a fancy grip. It's a diesel grip. Diesel grip. There we go. Diesel grip. Diesel grip, dude. That means a lot.

Japanese. Working on the Shanta English dictionary. Diesel grip, dude. That means a lot. Working on the Shanta English dictionary. It's another good word when you want to seem like you're above it and you're kind of smarter and like, God, you know. Why don't I want to go to fucking Tulsa with you? Because there's a litany of reasons.

There's a litany of cats. A litany of cats. There's a whole litany of reasons, Sean. Feral cats being at the top. Yeah, feral cats. I said cats with a D. Cats. I stopped to understand.

I think I had a stroke like 10 minutes ago. Cats. Fools. Fools. Rubes. Kadzooks. Kadzooks. Favorite store in the mall.

Is that a store? That's Gadzooks. I know that. What's Gadzooks? I fucking know that, dog. You haven't built up the trust of knowing what words mean? That's true. What is Gadzooks? I fucking know that, dog. You haven't built up the trust of knowing what words mean? That's true. What is Gadzooks?

What do they sound like? Like a Spencer's, but it was more wholesome. Ragstock, maybe. Gadzooka Joe. Yeah. Gadzooka. Yeah. You might say they have a whole litany of things they sell.

You might say that. I mean, I would. I guess you could say that. I do run the day-to-day operations here at the Tangiers. When he's gone, in his absence, you could say that. The Tangiers? I watched Casino a little bit last night. Oh, okay, I get it.

I have things I say, too. I have things I say too My fourth pick I'm going to lean right into it Because I don't have a lot to say about litany Ostentatious Oh yeah Ostentatious

Sean use ostentatious Absolutely not Don't even go to me I feel like it's just because I'm next to you Zach use ostentatious absolutely not don't even go to me ostentatious I feel like it's just because I'm next to you ask Zach to do it Zach use ostentatious ostentatious

fuck I enjoyed his his art gallery showing though I felt he was a little ostentatious

about the whole thing you could use albeit there albeit that's true I'm not here to bust chops I'm not a big person into alliteration, though.

A lot of bait. That's fine. I eat meat, too. Ostentatious, it's just like a bit much. It's like a little showy. Liberace was a very ostentatious person. Albeit

somewhat pretentious. My golf outfit yesterday was a little bit ostentatious. Albeit debonair? Albeit debonair. I had like that Fruity Pebble Hairs Tooth polo shirt. This is me working as hard as I've ever worked. You're in the Hamptons right now having a conversation over lobster. But I'm not wearing seersucker.

No. Which is a mistake. I feel like you're kind of an ostentatious person, David. You're into ostentatious shit, right? Flexin'? Oh, yeah. Flexin' is just being ostentatious. I like a good flex. Yeah. I love a good flex. I feel like as a

comedian, it can be a little troubling to be as ostentatious as you want to be because you have to be self-aware. But that's the beauty of it. I think, yeah. You know what I mean? The best part about it is want to be because you have to be self-aware you know but that's the beauty of it i think yeah you know what i mean the best part about it is that you can be you can be ostentatious and then you just acknowledge it and then you get to continue your malarkey because you're like oh yeah i know it's dumb that i'm doing this i feel like all of us are

trying to fit in a dinner with a bunch of people who went to Harvard. It is so weird. I'm voting for mayor. I've never felt less comfortable around you three dudes. I'm usually on a ten comfortable level. I'm on a four right now. I've never been more at home. Are you? You're right in the pocket.

Every time someone says a word, I look down like my shoes untied, like when you didn't want the teacher to call on you. No, I'm not here. I'm not here, Mr. Burtis. Don't call on me. And you know they're going to call. I almost failed reading in 7th grade. How do you fail reading? Why were you taking reading in 7th grade?

They made us. Gotta learn sometime, you know what I mean? What if they have you read in 7th grade? Does nobody else think that's ridiculous? No, it's crazy. We had it like every year in middle school. Reading? Reading.

Just reading? I wasn't teaching us how to read. Did you also write in arithmetic? That same year? Oh, man. Senior year of high school, we had to learn all the state capitals. It was fucking crazy. I had to memorize Casey at the Bat in its entirety to pass reading.

Oh, yeah. Are you fucking with me? No, I go, because I was getting an F. I go, Mr. Birdus, what if I memorize Casey at the bat? He sits back in his chair. He goes, you memorize Casey at the bat. I'll pass you. I did it. There are so many examples.

Hey, what if a miracle happened? There are so many examples. I guess I'd acknowledge it. I guess I'd acknowledge it. I guess I'd give that miracle a D. The public school system failed you so many times. A gentleman's D. What were you doing up until seventh grade? That's not a saying.

A gentleman's D. I guess I'd give you the gentleman's D. A gentleman's D. You were taken reading in 7th grade that's crazy a lot of motherfuckers in St. Paul's

every motherfucker that was in 7th grade that's the album title reading in 7th grade no gentlemen's tea where do they just show you a word

like hey what's this word where do you just I'm at a loss here I'm sorry fuck you Burtis and I get my switch played out I'll show you the word cut it into your throat well there's a myriad of options I could do do you, Birdus. And I get my Switch played out. I'll show you the word. Yeah. Cut it into your throat.

Well, there's a myriad of options I could do. Do you just go to class and read every day? I think so. I don't understand how you guys is appalled about this. I'm appalled. Well, I was in like a remedial math in like high school. And I'm not saying I was in a class for fucking people. Everybody took this class.

So was it just English class? Are you sure you're just... Maybe you just call it English reading. I think that might be what's happening. Did you also do, like, punctuation and stuff? Or, like, five paragraph essays? All I remember about it was Casey at the vet. What if they only taught you reading and not comprehension?

You will read this, but you have no idea what it means. That's how I learned Hebrew. Really? I learned how to read it, and I didn't know what any of the words meant. So I was just like, I don't know what any of this means. I had no idea what any of it meant. You still got it. You still got it.

Well, you know what the fucked up thing about a bar mitzvah is? It's not only do you have to learn Hebrew, right? And you have to like recite this portion of the Torah in front of everybody. Every portion also has a specific melody to it, but it's not like a song. So it's like you have to recite it with certain weird voice inflections. Different intonations. Intonations. Indeed, David.

Yeah. So it's like, I don't know. I don't know. And so the whole thing. So not only do you have to fucking learn this other language, you have to learn the song that doesn't make any sense. You're doing like this fucking Dada-esque melody to it. How long does that take to learn?

Three years, man. To forever. For no reason. Wow. So my grandma could be like, good. Do you ever bust it out now, though? No. Just like on the weekends?

No, because I forgot it immediately, because I never learned what any of the words meant. Yeah, so you didn't retain it. So I didn't retain any of it. I think when we first met, you had your, like, certificate up on the wall. It's still up, isn't it? Yeah. No. No?

No, I still have it, but it's not up in the house. But yeah, I have my Bar Mitzvah certificate. Yochadim ben Yisrael. Hakon. Sort of an ostentatious title. I'll give you that. Ostentatious. David, it's time for your fourth pick.

My first pick, my fourth pick, very close to another word that I say for fun a lot, but not quite. Onus. Oh. The onus of that is on you, Mike. Yes. Onus and beholden, kind of similar. Yeah.

I like it. We're getting a glimpse into your mind. Don't say it like that. I'm like a vault, baby. How do you spell onus? Just like anus with an O. Oh. Wait, what?

I wish I hadn't explained it like that. You're 100% right. That is how you spell it. Yeah, but on the Smart Guy podcast, it's like, yeah, you explained it like that. You're 100% right. That is how you spell it. Yeah, but on the Smart Guy podcast. Yeah, you spell it like Aiden. It's refreshing. You spell it like butthole. Butthole?

How do you spell butthole, though? Butthole. Butthole. B-U-H-H-H-O-L-E. People got you back on the butthole surface pick, by the way. There were a lot of people on Twitter. Yeah, they did love it. They did love it. I still hate it, but people...

I can't... I mean, does it look like I started to give a fuck that anybody hates it? No. Because I'm thrilled that it was a good pick. No, people loved it. Butthole surfers. Yeah. Thanks, everybody who liked the butthole surfers.

Thank you for the... One person liked ICP, and I got them banned from Twitter. I feel like there was more than one. I got their accounts suspended. Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope love ICP. Yeah, they work at that. No, I think it's beat for them. It's a money grab at this point.

Onus. Yeah, the onus is on you to pick a better pick next month. It's such an easy one to drop. Yeah, onus. I use it when I'm talking about social justice. Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, man, I think the onus of this debilitating

system is on the... Well, the onus is on the people in power. The onus is on the fat cats up in Washington. Well, Roger Goodell's actually going to have a meeting with all the head coaches and all of the onus. You know, you try. All the onus. You got a you try. All the Onis.

You got a real douche at the end. Yeah, I like that. I'm still shook. Onis would be a dope name. Honus is somebody's name. Honus Wagner. But Onis, just like an old dude, but like a buff old dude. Yeah, like you saw him one time in a wife theater

while he was getting ready for work. Fuck, Onus. Yokes, dude. How old is Onus? 68? Yokes, dude. But he's got like fast looking forearms. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like ropey forearms. Onus is often walking out of a garage wiping oil off of his hands with a towel. Onus lightweight said he killed a dude one time that you didn't know. Yeah, and you're like, whoa. You're like, wait. And he just kept going. He moved on. Because that was the 60s. That's just what you did then, whoa. You're like, wait. And he just kept going. He moved on. Because that was the 60s.

That's just what you did then. That's what Onus did. That's what Onus did. Yeah, he robbed a bank and then gave the money back like a week later in an anonymous check. Just sent it in.

There you go. Just wanted to do it, you know. Don't cry about it either. Somebody said something about his old lady when they went to court and he killed that dude. Onus killed that motherfucker. Con Air was based on Onus. He killed him with a wrench so he could feel it. The head coach is dude. Onus killed that motherfucker. Con Air was based on Onus.

He killed him with a wrench so he could feel it. The head coach is in the Onus. Hello, mother. Hello, father. Are the rest of the Onus here yet? All the coaches and the Onus. I know way too much of that song. Isn't that Alan Sherman? I don't even... Is that... I don't understand what... I don't understand much of that song. Isn't that Alan Sherman?

I don't even... Is that... I don't understand what... I don't understand what that song is. It was just like a novelty song from back in the day. Jews, and I think a lot of people in the East Coast... Camp Granada, right? Yeah.

They would just go to summer camp. It was like a big thing. It's a big East Coast thing that... For Jewish people. Like Larry David talks about it, right? Yeah. Him and Richard Lewis. Yeah, they worked at a camp together.

But it's a big East Coast thing, like going away to summer camp. Are they Jewish summer camps? There's Jewish. So they do summer camps and there's Jewish people there. There's Jewish ones. And then there's, but I think like a lot of people on the East Coast do it. Dude, I wanted to go to summer camp so bad when I was in like early junior high school. Yeah.

Because of that show Bug Juice. Yeah, Bug Juice. It was like real world for kids. Yeah, it really was. Yeah. yeah we went i went to this place called camp kern and we didn't i don't think my parents knew it was like low-key christian yeah and we didn't pick up on until like every night at campfire they were just they would only play life as a highway whoa that sounds awesome is that a christian song i don't understand what it is kind of like a low-key yeah what really What? Really? No, it's not. Life is a highway.

And the highway is Jesus Christ's way. That's what they would say. The highway is the devil's happy trail. I don't think that's true. They were out of their fucking mind thinking that that was a religious song. You're going my way. I want to ride it all night long. Gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah.

I think it's about. Why'd you do that? It's part of the song. I just, you know, gimme, yeah! I think it's about... Why'd you do that? It's part of the song. I just, you know, I felt something. I went with it. The Holy Ghost took him. Maybe it is a religious song. Yeah, wait, I blacked out.

What'd I do? Homeboy threw kosh. Yeah, you were throwing mad kosh. Into the wind. Mad kosh. Kelly Jordan's gonna fucking think that is funny. Did she listen? Sue Carmel does. Shout out to Sue Carmel.

Shout out to Sue Carmel. We got to get, yeah. Somebody just tweeted, when's Sue Carmel going to be on the podcast? Oh, my gosh. I didn't mean to interject my mom into a conversation about your mom. I'm sorry. I feel like when they meet, they're going to just fall right in with each other. I think so.

I think they'll get along great. Lockstep. Yeah. But if they don't, the onus is on us to stay friends. Zach, it's time for your fourth pick. Yes, sir. Fourth pick. Oh, yes, sir.

I'm taking Avant Garde. Oh, I had that on my list. Yeah, that's good. Avant Garde. Yeah. I love it. You said it weird. You did.

Avant Garde. You said Avant Garde. Well, I pronounced the hyphen avant-garde you said it like uh like uh uh doll seaman street fighter fire avant-garde yeah tiger uppercut but it's a good place you can use it anywhere i like a lot of museum dates so you drop it in there you like a lot of museum dates, so you can drop it in there. You like a museum date? Oh, you've told me about this because it's cheap. It's the perfect first date. Not because it's cheap, but we're blowing up the spot a little bit. Yeah. Well, you know, it's not cheap.

We talked about this, you broke motherfucker. It's cheap. Is it cheap? Yeah, for the most part, you can find like three days. Or if not, you know, it's like 10 bucks, but you get like four, five hours. Just walk around, discuss things. You can say avant-garde. This is very – I mean I don't know if I'm using this right.

You consider yourself the Grand Dame of the avant-garde. Isn't that true? I do. Yeah. Grand Dame Judi Dench. Grand Dame. Oh. I don't know if our listeners have – there's this game I invented called Dame Judi Dench, and it's so hard.

It's easy, but it wasn't easy to explain. You just have to say Dame Judi Dench as many times as you can, as fast as you can, and it's impossible. Give it a try if you're listening. Can I try right now? Yeah, go ahead. Here we go. Clear out the paint.

Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Den paint. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Oh, three. You got three. Then you jammed it. Which is, yeah, you jamed.

Oh, damn. I thought I was going to do it. Dame Judi Dench. I'm going to give it a shot. Give it a shot. God damn it. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench.

No, you can't use the song. The song is the cheat code. I still fucked it up, though. Yeah, you did. Even with your game genie, you couldn't make it work. Shawnee? Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents. No, three.

Two and a half, really. Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy Dents, Dame Judy I don't like masturbating. I'm going to go home. That was bananas. That was a cool talk. That was bananas. I got shit to do. It's got to be a Tupac song for me to do something that fast. Can I ask that?

Yeah. Did you do it by hitting the Ds really hard? You focus on Dame. I could tell. And let Judy take care of itself. You treat Judi Dench as one word and you hit the Dame. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench.

Anyway. We can edit it all out. Yeah. Avant-garde. Yeah. Avant-garde. That little thing I just went down was a little bit avant-garde. It was.

It was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could say Sonic Youth is avant-garde. They are avant-garde. Or this burrito covered in various hot sauces. Avant-garde choice. You know what is avant-garde or this burrito covered in various hot sauces. Avant-garde choice. You know what is avant-garde? Salad covered in various hot sauces.

Yes. Yeah, in my prison cell. That's why I get to eat in my avant-garde prison cell. You're an avant-garde eater. You are kind of an avant-garde eater. I eat like shit. Yeah, but in an avant-garde way. It's like if jackson pollock

made burritos yeah yeah yeah i went i go nuts sometimes with the tapatio what's the craziest thing you've eaten recently oh when you get chicken chicken chips things oh those are dank dude those are i like the chicken um what do the chicken. You get the food with the pita bread. Yeah, I get scoffs, Lebanese cuisine. So you never eat it. I don't eat the pita. I took it out of the, it wasn't in the garbage yet, but it was in a bag that was about to go into the garbage.

Yeah. I took it out of there, microwaved it for like 15 seconds, pulled it up and put mustard all over it and ate that. I feel it. That was what I ate like before. Yellow mustard? Uh-huh. Yeah, bright yellow mustard, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Got to I ate before. Yellow mustard? Uh-huh. Yeah, bright yellow mustard, dude.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Gotta go regular mustard. French's? Wait, do you not... Is it you that hates regular mustard? Like yellow mustard? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't care for it. It's amazing. When there's other mustard, why would you ever eat that one? Okay, but there's a spicy brown afoot. Spicy brown. Maybe on a hot dog yellow, but even then. Even then.

Avant-garde, excellent pick. Sean, it's time to build on the sex of felonious. Monk. It's going to be hyperbolic. Oh! Yeah, that's a really good one. Hyperbolic is good. Because I didn't...

That was a word I only learned through context. Yeah. Like, I never learned through context. Yeah. Like I never actually knew what it meant. But just like hearing people say it enough, I kind of learned. We're all kind of in the hyperbolic business. I mean, that is stand-up comedy, isn't it? Yeah, for sure. Well, Regan has a bit about it, but his album is called The Epitome of Hyperbole.

Oh, yeah. But I remember when I was in seventh grade, Miss Sowers language arts class, she put up like seven words on the board, I was like, Hyper Bowl. The fuck? The Hyper Bowl. Yeah, it sounds like if Contra had a Super Bowl. Yeah. It sounds like a video game

that couldn't get NFL licensing that you had to play back in 1994. Due to the Roman numerals, is that what we call Super Bowl XX? Do you want to come over and play Hyper Bowl? No, man. I'm going to go over to James' and play Madden. No, he has Madden going to go over to James' and play Madden.

He has Madden. Oh, Hyper Bowl is fun, too. There's five downs. What? Yeah, they couldn't license the actual rules of football, either. They tried to background so many weird video games like that. Wasn't Bill Lambert's Combat Basketball like you'd fight robots? Yeah.

Bill Lambert's Combat Basketball. Bill Lambert's Combat Basketball. Yeah. Super Nintendo? Yeah. Or Nintendo, maybe. There was like a Baseball 3000 where you were like robots and you'd fight to get on base. I remember that. That was for Nintendo, right? Yeah.

Wasn't it that Japanese game where they like randomly generated a bunch of American names for the baseball players and one of them was Bobson Dugnut? Yeah. Bobson Dugnut? Bobson Dugnut. Yeah. Bobson Dugnut? Bobson Dugnut. Whoa, that's a good name. Yeah, I had to pat your chest down and say that. Bobson Dugnut.

My stars. Well, if it isn't Bobson Dugnut. Oh, my God. As the Lord in heaven. Strong for breath. You're walking in here like you're Bob. That's King Tuff's real name is Bob's and Doug Matt. Hyperbolic.

I mean, it is time for your final pick. Yeah, all right. I feel so stupid. That's crazy. My last pick is going to be nefarious. Oh, you do love the word nefarious. You use it a lot. I love that word, last pick is going to be nefarious. Oh, you do love the word nefarious. You use it a lot. I love that word too, man.

I like the word nefarious. A bunch of nefarious characters. Me and Darius get nefarious? Yeah. I need a friend named Darius, though. Darius Rucker? Nefarious Rucker, dude. Whoa.

He hangs out with Polonius Monk. That's what you get. What are they up to? Nefarious Rucker, Polonius Monk. That's what you... What are they up to? Nefarious rocker Polonius Monk. Tell you what they're up to. No good. No good. A couple of no good-nicks.

Or Moe Good. Oh, Moe Good. Oh, yeah. I went from no good to Moe Good. That's going to be the pitch for my self-help series of audio tapes. Went from no good to Moe Good. Hi, I'm Ian Carmel, and I went from no good to mo good, and I can help

you get there too. Any series of 36 audio tapes. It's a real ashy to classy situation. From ashy to classy. What song is that in? That's just a saying. It is just a saying. Oh, is it? But it's also a rap.

Anyway. Nefarious. Yeah, nefarious. It's a a saying. Oh, is it? But it's also a rap. Anyway. Oh, yeah. Nefarious. Yeah, nefarious. It's a good word. Yeah. I mean, yeah. How would you use it?

I don't think I'd go on a date with that gal. I saw her cavorting with some nefarious characters. Oh, cavorting, too. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Double trouble. Somebody's been peeking on my list. Mary-Kate and

Ashley Olsen showed up. You know what's the problem when you got the double trouble? The twins did. I got the twins on me. And twin.

Funniest thing kid rock ever did. Skark brother over here. Got two arms. One's cohorting, one's nefarious, okay? Make a move. This one's for my lady.

This one's for you. Your call. Now I'm just going to walk out of this Taco Bell with the food for free. Unless you want to meet cohorting and or nefarious. Honey, get in the trunk. Dr. Jack cohort again. I'm still nervous. Nefarious, fantastic.

Zach, it is time for your fifth and final pick. Fifth and final pick. Man, this one's tough. I have to go with... Whatever, dummy. Oh, boy. Just a lot on the board right now. I'm going to have to go with sycophant.

Oh, that's good. I don't think I've ever used sycophant in a sentence. Oh, I live in LA. I've only heard people say it, though. We are surrounded by sycophants. I've only heard you say it. You're like the only person I've ever heard say that word. I invented the word.

Well, that's nice of you, man. No, you didn't. You're lying right now. Why are you lying? Why are you fucking lying? Dickhead, bro. Basically, I made it up I'm sorry guys I'm just

you fucking sycophant yeah no I love it it's like usually like when it's you and another person at a party and maybe like the

the vibe of the party is kind of weird you're like oh look at all these sycophants it's like a sycophants it's like a

holding coffee all over here back back door entry into like friendship like it's just us two. Oh, I like that. I also really like the sentence or the phrase backdoor entry into friendship.

Backdoor entry. Yeah. It's more of a marriage situation. If you were a more nefarious character, it would have different connotations. Oh, no. I'm talking about their heart. Nowhere else. That's the only entry I see. You're talking about where it hearts,

not where it farts, I feel you. 35, I just almost pissed myself because you said fart. You gotta get rid of it. You're a nefarious person, John. I laughed like I was watching Big Lebowski for the first time. You gotta get rid of the part that hearts, not the part that farts.

That's what my dad told me. Wisdom. That's what he imparted. He said that. He said, listen, boy. Why, I tell you what, young silent. Those were the last words he spoke to me. The only words he ever spoke to me.

Oh, my God. Sycophant. Yeah, it just means like uh what is it like uh it's just someone who's like kind of or the way that i see it is like they're like a yes man or a yes person where they're just like oh this person's in like a higher place than me so i'm just gonna like whatever they want to do i'll do that or like whatever they want to say i'll say that right it's also about somebody who's crazy for Fanta. Yeah. Oh, a sycophant.

Was that a bad? Was that a bad? Okay. It was bad. I would love another. Hey, David. We love you. We're friends.

David, I would love another drink, but I've just been sycophant for a while now. You know, it's not always. You're always going to. No. I like it. No, this is baseball. This is baseball. Quick draft.

Get best flavors of Fanta. You're going to Fanta today? Guarantee it. See, that was really funny last week, too. A pineapple flavored one? I might get a strawberry Fanta, though. Strawberry is very good. Where, from the Armenian store? Mm-hmm.

Oh, cool. Yep, that might happen. The semi-circle K? Mm-hmm. Yeah. The gas station near the place. It is the semi-circle K. Near the domicile.

It's the gas station with no gas. It's like a circle K. Like a K around a circle, but it's not a full circle. It's just a C. Why would you rip off circle K? Because brand recognition, man. But go with like 7-11.

It could be 7-12. They don't know they're going to go in there and get that weird knockoff candy that they got in there. That walnut rope. Oh, apricot rope. We should draft almond ropes. That's an aphorious candy. That is a fucking aphorious candy. I wouldn't say it's the quintessential candy.

It's us, dude. But you weren't beholden to eat it. David, what is your fifth and final pick? So my fifth and final pick, it doesn't come up, listen, this has come up maybe four or five times in my whole life. Yeah. But every time it's come up, Listen, this has come up maybe four or five times in my whole life. Yeah.

But every time it's come up, I've risen to the occasion and knocked it out of the park. Yeah. Polytheism. Polytheism. I just, for some reason, I learned it in high school. Shout out Miss Durkee. Reading? What?

Reading class? It was a reading class. I think it was in colors. It was right after shapes and before smells. Smells? It was just a class where you get a little lambskin and you rub it for 45 minutes.

Yay. 11th grade. The funny thing, I was ineligible with football because I failed touch. They sat me out of the big game. Rachel. I would like to see everyone here use polytheism in a sentence.

I'll go last. Sean, why don't you go first? I'll go last. I don't appreciate all this polytheism in my prison so that's not why i got thrown into prison maybe that's what they threw me in here that is that could technically be true you got sentenced to a very heady jail yeah all right zach i knocked it out of the park your turn polytheism yeah is it okay that's the sentence polytheism is a word uh hawaiian religion oh yeah is he's already in polytheistic yeah many gods the way i've learned it the like

one of the ways that best i came home some smart dickhead who had gone to college was like, what's it like in California, Naaman? And I was like, oh, you know, man, everybody's crazy. They got all these religions and gurus and everyone's polytheistic. It's crazy over there. And I sounded so cool. I mean, just now you felt it, right? Yeah.

It felt like I say that word. My chair moved over like four inches when you said that. It didn't feel like a reach, right? It just felt like that's what I say. I practice poly-gee-ism. That could have been like a Farsight album. Poly-gee-ism. If they'd stay together. If they get back in the lab. The Lab Cab, album. Yeah. Polytheism. If they'd stay together. If they get back in the lab. The Lab Cab California.

Yeah. Polytheism. Yeah, that's a good one. It is. You don't get it often, but when you get it. Less and less. It's what everybody knows what it means. Like, it's not that.

It's a long word, but it's not, like, super difficult. Right. Not everyone knows what it means. I can be quiet all day. I can sit here and be quiet all day. This is my dumbest day. It doesn't help that we're all viciously hungover, too. David hasn't slept. I have not slept.

I'm up, baby. Okay. It is time for my final pick. The final pick of the draft. And I am going to take Philistine. Yeah. Oh. I like that word a lot.

Yeah. Because I'm a Philistine. I'm a Philistine, too. In fact, we're all Philistines. Yes. We are pretty Phil. We're Philistinic. Yeah.

You might even, you could pair it with sycophants. You could. The party was nothing but sycophants and Philistines. The decoration was ostentatious. Now, Sean thought Philistines was a country. Yeah. Or the Philistinian-Israeli conflict. It is a little weird how close it is to Palestine.

Where is Philemon? The Philadelphia Philistines? The Philadelphia Philistinian-Israeli conflict. It is a little weird how close it is to Palestine. Where is Philemon? The Philadelphia Philistines? The Philadelphia Philistines. Was it Philadelphia or was it Philemon? What was the place that... What's Philemon? No, I said what you said. What?

No, Palestine. Yeah, that's what I said. No, you said Philemon. You definitely said Philemon. What the fuck does that mean? I think we all just need to take a step back. You're talking like some of the text messages I sent last night. This morning.

Are we talking about who, where are the Philistines from? I don't know. Not Palestine. It might be Philemon. You might be like way smarter than all of us right now. That sounds like a real place. I thought it was Paul's letter to the people of Philemon. You might be way smarter than all of us right now. That sounds like a real place. You're just talking in ancient Greek. I thought it was Paul's letter to the people of Philemon.

Maybe. I'm a Jewish. I don't know. I don't know about any of Paul's letters. That's fair. Yeah, you're not- I know about Paul's boutique. Okay. The Philistines, primarily known with their conflict for the Israelites.

Oh, a member of a non-Semitic people, which bogus. A non-Semitic people of ancient southern Palestine. So, there you have it. But also means someone who is hostile or indifferent to culture and the arts. It's like a Cretan. You fucking Philistine.

You Cretan. You Luddite. You Luddite. You dullard. You dullard. That's a harsh one. You Luddite. Yeah, Philistine. Sounds like such a bummer. It's like, wow, you luddite. You luddite. You dullard. You dullard. That's a harsh one. You luddite. Yeah, Phyllis did it, too. Sounds like such a bummer. It's like, wow, you did research to make fun of me. You unenlightened bourgeois.

You learned a new word to make fun of me. Holy crap. Yeah, it's also big, like if you're a big fan of Phyllis, all of Phyllis' fans. Oh, I mean, who isn't? Love Phyllis. Shout out Young Dill. Yep. Phyllis Diller. Young Dill. Yup. Phyllis Diller.

Phil Phil Dill Dill. Little Pickles, hey, where them Young Dills at? Little Pickles. I don't like it when you say where them Young Dills at. I want to give them the Gentleman's D, dude. Sounds nefarious. I don't like any. I think that you're getting deeper, and I don't like it. I'm going to stand up for what I believe in. Gentleman's D

and the Young Dills? Gosh, man, I don't like it at all. You're like slap happy right now. We all are. We've been operating in a slap happy zone. Not even happy, kind of just slap. Gotta get me out of the lab, I think. That wraps up the most

hungover episode of All Fantasy Everything I've ever been a part of. It's just the most brain-powered episode. It's just all of us afraid to look stupid hungover episode of all fantasy everything I've ever been a part of. Brain power. The most brain power. It's just all of us afraid to look stupid even though we all are. And then we just did a drag race. We left some stuff on the board. Oh yeah. Anyway.

Evidently serendipitous. Yeah. Solipsistic. Lexicon. Oh Lexicon's good lexicon is a good one can we start saying flexicon flexicon yeah let it into my back yeah i don't usually wear red sneakers it's not my flexicon here's one that i love that fuck yeah here's one that sean uses prowess oh prowess yeah this is good yep incandescent yeah i's one that Sean uses, prowess. Oh, prowess, yeah. Prowess is good. Yep.

Incandescent? Yeah. I have one that I can't even read. Iridescent? You can't even read it? Denotes? Oh, you know what I

had was clandestine. Oh, clandestine is great. Oh, convoluted. Oh, convoluted. Perfunctory? Perfunctory is great. Perfunctory.

Derelict? The podcast should have just been us naming these for like an hour. I guess you can derelict my balls. Bro.

Sean would have had problems, though, because I don't know if he passed reading. Ubiquitous? Ubiquitous. Zenith? Oh, Zenith is good, too. Oh, the TV. Paradox. What we did pick, Sean, you let us off.

You picked superfluous, aforementioned, felonious, hyperbolic, and nefarious. Zach, you want a second? You picked basically. Juxtaposition, quintessential, avant-garde, and sycophant. David, you went intelligence, albeit, beholden, onus, and polytheism. That's almost a sentence. God, that would have been... I didn't think about that.

Wherewithal, dichotomy, litany, ostentatious, and philistine. That's fucking awesome. It's pretty good. All those words together. Yeah. I have no idea who's going to win. I don't think anybody wins this one. I think all of you are out of sympathy votes.

I kind of feel like we all lost. We all lost. Everyone's going to be like... Everyone's going to sign us up for fucking... Remedial classes. Yeah, remedial classes. I'm going to take another reading classes. I feel like I drafted like I played as much football as I did. A listener is going to send us coupons to the Sylvan Learning Center.

You can definitely tell how much time I spent in the athletic hall, dicking around, playing nuts ball. Well, the practice of fantasy drafting is always superfluous. I tend to find it superfluous. But if you want to say superfluous, I will. Superfluous

albeit. Albeit. On some of our aforementioned podcasts, we've gotten up to felonious activities before, but it's always hyperbolic when we get together and make a draft where we say crazy stuff. And sometimes we admit to nefarious misdeeds on this podcast. Basically, you could say we get together and have fun. The juxtaposition between the stupid topics that we pick from and the intelligent way we discuss them

makes this one of the quintessential podcasts, especially when it comes to fantasy drafting. I would say we're one of the most avant-garde podcasts probably in the market right now, and if you disagree, frankly I think you're a sycophant. It takes a certain degree of intelligence to really get into all fantasy everything, albeit also a certain degree of whimsy.

Now, nobody's beholden to listen to our podcast. The onus is on you to decide if you want to or not, whether you're a Jew, a Gentile, or some sort of polytheistic person. If you have the wherewithal to download this podcast and understand the dichotomy of smart people picking stupid things, saying stupid stuff, and pretending that they're smart, there's a litany of reasons you could probably find to leave us comments and maybe like and subscribe. It is ostentatious for me to have called us smart people earlier. We aren't smart. We aren't at all.

If anything, we're a group of Philistines. Tune in next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. They're going to bury you alive. that was a hate gun podcast