American Presidents: Totalus Rankium - 11.1 James Polk
Episode Date: December 23, 2018Polk was born a sickly child (perhaps with a massive head) His parent feared the worst, he couldn’t even hold down his job in the local shop. So how did he go from this to president? Did it involve... hard work? Yes. Did it involve luck? Yes. Did it involve someone sticking a sharp implement somewhere near where the sun is known not to shine? Most definitely.
Transcript
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Welcome to Totalus Rankium. This week, James Polk Part 1.
Hello ho ho and welcome to American Presidents Totalus Rankium.
I am Jamie.
And I'm Rob, ranking all of the presidents from Washington to Trump.
And it's our Christmas special episode, an American one this year.
Yay!
It's exciting.
If you don't listen to our Roma series and you only listen to this, you won't understand.
We have a tradition.
We make our Christmas episodes extra Christmassy.
Yep.
All you need to do is imagine James Polk with a Christmas hat on throughout the whole episode.
Sorted.
Including the birth scene.
Awkward birth.
Yes.
Quite a few questions, but it is fine.
Yeah.
If you're listening to this in the future and it's not Christmas, take the hat off.
It's that simple.
And it's James Polk today. Episode 11.1, if you're keeping track.
Yeah. I made a few predictions about this, didn't I, before we started recording?
You did. Do you want to say them again for the benefit of the listener?
I said he's a Republican, but then you smiled, so he's probably not, but I'm going to say
he definitely was. He very much admired Martin Van Buren.
Right, okay.
And he had massive facial hair, I'm going to say.
A massive moustache.
Big Victorian-style moustache.
Okay, so that's three predictions.
Three predictions.
Loved Van Buren.
Yeah.
Democrat.
Republican, I said.
Republican.
He had a massive moustache.
Yes.
We'll see how he does.
Not how you do.
We'll see how he does as well.
Right, okay.
Are you ready to start?
Yeah.
Because this week we are opening on a chandelier.
You're picturing that chandelier now.
Quite a grand one.
It's quite grand, yeah.
Yeah.
You can hear some music floating up, sort of softly hitting the chandelier.
Haunting music.
No, no.
Just nice music.
Just nice music.
Okay. Gone for the wrong kind of scene here. Oh, damn it. It's a lightly lit room. Blood stains on the chandelier. Haunting music. No, no. Just nice music. Just nice music. Okay.
We've gone for the wrong kind of scene here.
Oh, damn it.
Lightly lit room.
Blood stains on the chandelier.
No, no, no.
You've gone the wrong direction completely.
Think more period drama, less horror.
Okay, got it.
The writing in the bottom left-hand corner.
I should really learn what one of those things are.
They probably have a name, don't they?
No, it's like a...
It's not a ticker, is it?
No, it's like an ident.
No, not an ident.
Write to us on a postcard.
Let us know what the little bit of writing in the bottom left-hand corner of the films is called.
Yeah, Totalus Rankium,
Totalus Rankium City,
Totalus Rankium Drive,
number four, Totalus Rankium.
Yeah, we couldn't get number one.
No.
It's taken.
Anyway.
Three of the damn podcasts beat us to it.
Anyway, we're still on that chandelier.
We should probably start panning down, shouldn't we?
So, pan down to a room full of men and women socialising.
Okay.
Yeah.
The day's official politics are over.
Oh, no, I didn't tell you what the writing was.
Sorry.
Yeah, I was just hanging on a knife edge there.
Sorry, the writing that we were discussing
says, Democratic National
Convention, 1844.
Day three.
1844.
Yeah. Oh, so it's after John Tyler
won. Well, we're in John Tyler's
presidency here. Yeah, yeah.
Last year, wasn't it? Okay. In media res
here. Okay, sorry.
Yeah, right. So, day three of the National Convention. In media res here. Okay, sorry. Sorry. Yeah, right, okay.
So, day three of the National Convention.
We're still panning down.
Yeah.
It's a tall room.
So, we pan down, there's people socialising.
The official politics of the day is over,
but it's time for the equally important politics of the evening.
Brandy and cigars making.
Exactly.
The correct whisper here.
The right nudge there.
Van Buren style.
Oh yeah, it's all going off.
Now, pan slightly to one side
and then cut to a slightly dark side room.
A group of very serious men
are leaning and sitting around
all smoking heavily.
We're mid-conversation.
Everyone's talking about
the deadlock in the convention.
One man with glorious sideburns.
Ooh.
Because he's got to have good sideburns
yeah he says something along the lines of it's it's clear no man can win this but then one of
the men in the room turns to another and says cave yes that's right his name's cave and that's a real
person we'll come across him later brilliant cave you've been awfully quiet what does tennessee say
and then close up of cave Cave Johnson that's his full
name his first name's Cave first name's Cave that's amazing Cave Johnson yeah John Cave would
be amazing but Cave Johnson that's a good name isn't it so right real close-up of John Cave
yeah not John Cave Cave Johnson yeah yeah I mean a name like that he's going to be a bit chiseled, isn't he?
Steely eyes.
Oh, yeah.
Like glacial eyes, very pale.
He leans forward slightly, slight smile on his face like he usually gets, just does cave.
He speaks quietly.
Everyone has to lean in.
Well, we were thinking of James Polk.
Polk, says another man.
But the man's an absolute cut to black.
And then the words James Polk comes on the screen.
And then we've got to start to this week's episode.
What convention was this?
The Democratic Convention. Ah, damn it.
That's prediction number one.
Down the bloody pan.
Unless he's gate crashing.
Yeah.
So there you go. that's how we're starting
we had a couple of quite explosive starts
the last couple of episodes
last week literally
so I thought lower key this time
and also it says something about James Polk's early life
that that's possibly the most exciting thing
that happens to him
someone talks about him when he's not there
oh no I promise you there is at least one thing that you'll enjoy here okay yeah right okay was
that it no no okay is it the massive mustache it's we'll get to that whether it's there or not
okay at the end of next episode oh yeah anyway theks. Let's go back in time to the start here.
They moved to the New World in the 1720s.
We think they landed in Maryland, but ended up in North Carolina.
We're going to start with Polk's grandfather, though.
His name was the impressively named Ezekiel Polk.
Nice.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
He was married, and he was raising his children and looking after his farm
when the war against Britain for independence broke out.
Yay!
Ezekiel signed up and was made captain in the militia
and then at some point promoted to colonel towards the end of the war.
So he does all right.
He held this post for a while, but then gives up his command
and moved back to his farm.
By then, the British had turned up,
and rather than see his home go to rack and ruin,
he reluctantly cooperated with the Redcoats.
Fine, you can have my crops. If you don't burn down my house, you're going to take it anyway, kind of thing.
Yeah.
After the war, Ezekiel becomes a surveyor in Tennessee, and then the sheriff of Mackelburg.
Oh, Mackelburg.
They're really famous.
Are they?
Yeah.
You're just going to say that?
Yeah.
I thought you'd be more excited that he was a sheriff, to be honest.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, he gets his sheriff badge. It's like Wild West-y time, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, cut out the episode slightly.
Seen the new Deadwood film.
Yes, it's very exciting, isn't it?
Pictures and photographs and everything.
Oh, really?
Is it real now, is it? It's real. All the original actors
are there. Oh, I need to re-watch the
series. When's it coming out? Oh, I don't know.
Probably next year at some point.
Sorry, I had to cut out. Sheriff.
Sheriff, yeah. That's why we were talking about it.
He puts his badge on. He's now the
sheriff. Nice. But from that
he's settled on his farm with his family
and a few slaves.
Because they're down in the south. He became
a devoted follower of Jefferson
and his vision for the new republic.
And much to the family's discomfort,
he was also openly deist.
Okay. And some even
said atheist. Yeah.
He wasn't down with the whole God business.
Which most people were back then.
Anyway, it's not long before Ezekiel's son Samuel was old enough to get married,
and he had just met the right woman, which is handy.
This is a woman named James Knox.
What?
Jane Knox.
Sorry, I misread that.
Anyway, together they lived on the farm with Ezekiel and near Jane's father.
So it's a local farm she came from.
Together they'd have ten children eventually.
Ten?
Ten.
My goodness.
Yeah.
But the first and the eldest boy was James Polk.
So this is the family we've got here.
He was born in 1795 during Washington's presidency.
Okay.
So we're finally getting people born in other people's presidencies now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they've always known a presidency.
They've always known a government like this.
Exactly.
He was either born at the Polk family farm or in Jane Knox's family farm.
Sources differ.
According to the source that claims he was born on the Knox farm,
Jane had a difficult birth,
and little James was born with such a large head
that they feared dropsy of the brain and there was talk that the boy was clearly an idiot
which is a shame prophecy yeah we've talked about this quite a bit in the roman uh swelling oh yeah
water retention oh of the brain yeah Yeah. You don't want that.
Oh, no, that's brain damage city.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, according to this source, which is a 13-year-old who was present relating the story 50 years later.
Oh, okay.
So it's not the most reliable thing in the world.
He was later inspected by a local woman who declared that James was all very well and good.
So good, in fact fact he would one day become
president. Oh, sounds like a Roman episode, doesn't it? Yeah, it really does. This black snake crawled across the crib.
An apple fell from the tree and was slid exactly in two by an eagle that happened to be perched
underneath. He was born with a giant head. Yeah, I mean, this story's most likely not true. Most
historians side with the idea he was born
on the polk family farm but that has no interesting story about a ridiculous prophecy so i went with
the more interesting one fair enough as all history should be done exactly yeah and do you
think even back then like it's washington's presidency i i get the impression most regular
people farmers workers wouldn't really care much about the president.
They're just sort of like, it's just a person.
They may not have seen the importance of it or given a crap to be quite crass.
Yeah, I'm going to say that this definitely didn't happen.
But someone said it did.
So it did.
So it did.
History.
Anyway, he's born.
We do know that.
That is an historical fact.
And straight away, James was at the centre do know that. That is an historical fact.
And straight away, James was at the centre of some controversy.
Or some controversy.
Depending, of course, on the pronunciation.
Or pronunciation.
That's definitely pronunciation.
It's an English word, dammit.
Anyway, this controversy, oh, that's how I say it naturally, clearly, was that Jane Knox, so James's mother, was the great-great-grandniece of the famous John Knox, leader of the Scottish Reformation in the 1500s.
Of course, yeah.
You know him well.
Yeah.
Yeah, which is just an interesting fact.
This has got nothing to do with anything.
I just thought it was interesting. The actual controversy was, like most people, Jane went to church regularly.
And she was therefore very happy that Sam, her husband, Polk's father,
had agreed for their son to be baptised with the family name James.
The reason for the tension is that Ezekiel and the pastor
had had a falling out a couple of years earlier.
Ezekiel's second wife had had a falling out a couple of years earlier. Ezekiel's second wife
had born a stillborn son
and Ezekiel was disgusted
that the pastor refused to declare
that the son would be admitted to heaven.
The two men fell out and Ezekiel
then did his best to convert those
in the area to deism.
Yeah, that didn't go down too well
with the pastor.
No.
Standing outside the church.
Have you considered not believing?
Yeah, so...
There are other options.
Yeah.
Ezekiel's attempt to convert people wasn't particularly successful,
and when it came to James's baptism, more tensions rose.
Despite the problems between the families, the pastor agreed to perform services.
Of course.
Of course I will.
I'm a man of the cloth.
But then he announced, obviously,
the parents must publicly affirm the Presbyterian faith.
Obviously.
Yeah.
If you want your child baptised in this church.
Sam, already unhappy with this, bought at this.
No, I was willing to come to the church and see little James baptised,
but I'm not standing up and declaring against
my father's beliefs.
Yeah.
So Sam left, and James remained unbaptised until right at the end of his life.
Well, because at the beginning, it's a christening, isn't it?
Baptisms are more of a choice when you're an adult or old enough to...
Well, as we've seen in our Roman series, traditionally, baptisms happened at the end
of their life.
It was only over time they moved to the start of people's lives.
Yeah, that's true. Good point.
Constantine the Great himself baptised right at the end.
Sensible, when you get all your sins forgiven.
It is the way to do it.
He died with a smile on his face.
Heaven for me.
Lovely, warm heaven. Oh no, that's...
Too warm.
Anyway, it soon became clear that James was a sickly child, unfortunately.
He didn't have a massive head anymore, but he was quite sickly.
And he was regularly too ill to carry out any of the chores that would be expected of a young child.
When well enough, he would attend the local school, barefooted running down the lane, apparently, is one little detail we have of this time. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. With his siblings,
they'd run off to school together. But that is about all we know of his childhood up until
1803. Then Ezekiel declared that he was moving west. After all, he had surveyed Tennessee
often enough as part of his job. And he said, this is where our family fortune lies. Come on, guys. Let's
go west. And they all sang the song.
Going out west, west
on the shore.
That one. Yeah, why not? Jane and
Sam, however, were cautious.
They were worried their nine-year-old James was
too sickly for the move. They genuinely
feared this could kill them off.
He's an absolute wimp. There's no
way he can travel west.
Yeah, pretty much.
However, after three years,
Ezekiel had established himself in Tennessee,
and James and Sam eventually decided
they could risk the move.
It took them five weeks to travel the 500 miles
to Duck River Valley.
Oh, 100 miles a week.
Yeah.
Slow progress.
20 miles a day.
Yeah.
Which is just under 20 miles a day. Yeah. Which is just under 20 miles
a day. Yeah, it's slow. It's really slow. Arduous. But no roads, no infrastructure.
That's true. You just had to... Pull your wagon over a fallen tree. Yeah. Push it into
a river and float down. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you did. Well, not easy. The journey
did no good for James's health whatsoever, but he did survive. He made it live, but things weren't looking
great. He was obviously present, I should sure hope
so.
Anyway, once in Tennessee, Sam started up his
farm and started surveying. On occasions
he would take his eldest son with him while
surveying, perhaps hoping the journey
would do his son some good. Some good bracing
fresh air, that's all you need, son.
As he was wheezing.
Get a long follow that air makes you feel good to be alive big slap on the back james just falls over yeah looking blue
yeah i mean sometimes these journeys took weeks and it really did not help the boy unfortunately
yeah his his education was starting to suffer.
He couldn't attend the school.
He was too ill.
He couldn't really get anything done.
For the next three years, he seemed to be gradually declining.
His parents started to fear the worst.
Things looked bad.
Sam had managed to gain a job for young James in a general store,
hoping indoor work, no heavy lifting.
This is the way forward.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But no, the job did not last.
He was too sickly for that.
What we have to do is put these very small sandals, very light sandals, on the bottom
shelf, and then moving from this shelf to the other bottom shelf over there.
Coughing all over the sandals.
Get out.
Poor Polk.
I know.
He's having a tough time of it, isn't he?
But what James really wanted more than anything else
was a formal education.
He wanted to learn what all the fuss was about.
People kept talking about Romans all the bloody time.
And high-fiving.
Yeah, I mean, I want to know, who is Cicero?
Damn it.
But no, it was not to be.
I mean, it would just be a drain of resources.
The harsh reality was his family couldn't afford to invest in his future with formal education.
He's probably going to die.
Yeah, it's cold and brutal.
That makes sense.
In that day and age and on the frontier, you had to be a bit cold and brutal.
Bright side is, though, Sam doing very well for himself.
His surveying had led to a real estate business,
and he was becoming well-respected in the frontier community.
He and the other Polks were dominating the politics in the new town of Columbia,
and he was also making connections that would prove life-saving.
He was able to get in contact with the very best doctors in the state.
James was eventually diagnosed with urinary stones. Like stones in your bladder?
Yeah. Oh, is there one way to pass them? No, it's not. Oh. What way are you thinking? Weeing them out.
Yeah, that's more than one way to get rid of them. Oh, bad operation way. Let's see, shall we? In 1812,
it was decided that they needed to take him to one of the most prestigious surgeons in the country, Dr. Physic.
Oh, that sounds like an evil guy from a comic book, doesn't it?
I am Dr. Physic.
Dr. Biotic and Dr. Chemic.
They rented rooms with him.
Yeah.
Dr. Physic is known as the father of American surgery.
Apparently.
I cut you open.
He'd say.
That's what he'd say.
Yeah, he knew how to get inside a person
and back out again with little harm.
So, yeah, that was pretty good.
However, the journey was long and painful.
800 miles.
Oh, that's in eight weeks.
Well, yeah, and things get really bad.
Polk and his uncle go off together.
And it's really not long into this journey before Polk's uncle realises that the 17-year-old James was not going to make this journey.
He's in too much pain.
Near Lexington, Kentucky, he suffered
from an attack of pain worse than
he'd ever suffered.
This is looking bad. The uncle
decides to stop. We can't do
this. This will kill the poor lad.
However, nearby, instead of
Dr Physic, there happened to be another
well-known surgeon,
Dr McDowell.
And maybe not the father of American surgery, but, I don't know, at least a great uncle or something.
Twice removed.
Yeah, pretty good.
So, they headed to McDowell's, who was well-equipped to deal with the situation when the young man suddenly appeared on his doorstep.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Knocks on the door, he just answers.
Massive gloves up to his elbows.
Blood stains.
A saw and a turkey baser.
And a welding mask.
Yes.
This is the welding mask.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
So you're in the middle of something,
just cooking dinner.
Come on in.
Yeah. Warning here.
Yeah.
This is going to get a little bit gruesome.
Oh, good.
You may wince as much as you did in the Roman episode where I told you how eunuchs were created.
Oh, with the crushing.
With the crushing. Probably won't wince quite that much, but it's not good.
So if you're a bit squeamish...
Crushing the old legs.
Just skip ahead slightly. Right, okay. Oh, it's not good so if you're a bit squeamish crossing the old legs just skip
ahead slightly right okay oh it's not like peeling a banana is it oh god mcdowell realized that
operating was the only option here things had got serious it needed to be done immediately
obviously james was given the best anesthetic available at the time. So, none.
Brandy. Brandy! Yes.
Plenty of brandy.
Excellent. Yeah, and probably not even good
brandy. Oh, it wouldn't be, would it? No, it'd be really
painstakingly kind of. High alcohol, yeah.
It'd do the job, though.
It's better than nothing, certainly.
But you'd get really rowdy, though, wouldn't you?
Especially pinning you down
to the table. Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, after chugging a whole buckload of brandy,
he was held firmly onto a table and his legs were pinned in the air.
What?
Yeah.
You got that image?
Yeah.
Yeah.
McDowell then selected a sharp knife and made an incision in James's perineum.
That's the bit behind the old testicle.
Behind the chaps.
Yeah.
Yeah, that area.
The gooch, I think it's called.
Yes.
Where the gusset makes contact in your pants.
Yeah.
Scalpel to that.
Yeah.
Another sip of brandy
that's just for the surgeon yes he then would have kept cutting away through and i quote here
the prostate into the bladder with a gorget a pointed sharp instrument designed for this purpose. So a sort of pointy, sharp thing, just to really get in there.
Imagine one of those instruments you use to make holes in your belt.
Oh.
I imagine a bit like that.
What are they called?
I don't know.
Sharp, anyway.
Cuts through several layers until he gets into the bladder.
He then got a round scoop and sort of fished around a bit until he found the stones.
Then just a quick out the stones come, sew up the area.
Jobs are good.
Quick brandy to celebrate.
Obviously, the doctor's doing this as quickly as possible.
James obviously would have been either screaming uncontrollably or just
chugging more brandy until he passed out i know i'd be doing yeah both yeah yeah yeah nasty stuff
of course infection was high in as well well yeah no antiseptics no anesthetic. This has led many historians to conclude that this left James unable to have children.
Just generally, the damage down there would have been quite extensive.
Yeah, not great.
And he's got the horrible bumpy carriage ride back as well.
Across 400 miles.
Yeah, well, several weeks of very painful recovery, as you can imagine.
Just imagine going to the toilet after that.
Oh, either one as well.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
As if you might blow your door.
Oh.
Nasty.
Yeah.
So, shall we have a quick montage?
We've not had one of those yet this episode.
Recovery montage time.
Just him in bed for seven weeks.
Just the sun going up and down in the background.
Occasionally cut to him sitting on the toilet, just sweating.
Weeping slightly.
Yeah.
But, after several weeks, much to everyone's relief, James seemed to get better.
Not just recovered from the surgery
But better than he'd ever been
This surgery seemed to sort whatever it was out
Brilliant
Yeah, his self-esteem apparently increased
Because no one now could claim he was just that weakling pokeboy
Because everyone knew what he'd just gone through in that surgery
That's a level of respect right there
Yeah, you can't take several sharp
implements and a scoop to a man's region and then call him a wimp afterwards no no it's against the
rules so there you go with his health more secure he was then sent off to school which is just what
he wanted to do it's looking good let's invest in his education and he wanted to do. It's looking good. Let's invest in his education. And he starts to excel.
He learned literature, logic, Latin,
and other things beginning with L.
He also learned Greek philosophy and geography.
Ooh.
Yeah.
So lots of fun stuff.
He did so well, in fact, he was considered,
and I quote here,
the most promising young man in the school.
Hmm.
Yeah.
His father was still going from strength to strength.
He'd got involved in the creation of a store, mail delivery contracts, a steamboat enterprise.
I mean, yeah, things are going well for him.
That's really good.
Yeah.
He also owned a fair amount of land and became the director of Columbia's first bank.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, so, I mean, Sam Polk is one of the men to be.
With this fortune growing, he was able to send his reinvigorated son
to the University of North Carolina.
Again, Polk does
very well here. He joined the debating
society, which was fun,
where he was able to channel his grandfather
and his father's beliefs and
railed against Alexander Hamilton's
federalist vision for the country
and supported the whole Jefferson's vision
of the Republic.
We're quite moved from that so yeah but they're sort of debating using their father's arguments pretty much at this stage anyway um then we see polk following a very familiar path here
because once finishing top in his class he joined a law firm and he studied until he could pass the
bar as we've seen this is fairly typical for presidents to be he joined one law firm and he studied until he could pass the bar. As we've seen, this is fairly
typical for presidents to be. He joined one of the state's most prominent lawyers, a man named
Felix Grundy, which is nice. However, after doing this for a year, Felix then secured the young man
a job working as a clerk for the state senate. He enjoyed this work quite a lot, but still had time
to work on passing the bar, which he did another year later in 1820.
Another lawyer.
Yeah, so from strength to strength.
His timing is perfect here.
The economy, if you remember, had taken a major hit in 1819.
It's not as big as the 1837 panic, but it still won the big ones.
People defaulting on payments, getting into arguments and generally struggling to live.
It's perfect for a lawyer.
Yeah, yeah.
Wonderful.
At least the money's going to go somewhere.
Yes, exactly. Polk did very well for himself out of everyone's misery, as many lawyers
did in this age.
And still do.
Yes. However, despite this, being a lawyer wasn't really where Polk's heart lay. Still
clerking for the State Senate, he had
caught the politics bug, and
it was there his heart lay.
He started looking for a way to get into the State
Senate properly, not clerking, but
become a State Senator. He also
joined the Masons at this point. He made some connections
there. He joined the Militia.
Do you want to hear his
grand, amazing military career?
Polk's military career. Pogues, men, I take her to the mill.
Yes, I'll use that.
Right, you ready?
Here we go, here we go.
He joined the militia as a captain.
He was immediately promoted to colonel.
That's it.
Pogues, men, I take her to the mill.
Oh, brilliant.
There we go.
I mean, he doesn't do anything.
No.
He just got the rank.
Oh, good. Yeah. Good. About in there. doesn't do anything. No. He just got the rank. Oh, good.
Yeah.
Good.
Bad on there.
He didn't even fall down a flight of stairs.
No.
And badly trained some people.
So anyway, all this, on top of the fact that he was Sam and Jane Polk's son, was enough.
Yeah.
The next spot open on the State Senate went to him.
After a very successful campaign, where he convinced a lot of people he was the
right man for the job it was either that or the whiskey he gave away um we're not sure it's hard
to tell it's really hard to tell yeah i mean i would have voted for him why don't they do that
anymore i mean seriously i have some deeply held political beliefs they would waver if three
bottles of whiskey were being handed out i'm not not going to lie. Anyway, during this time, James seemed to attract a few female admirers.
Ooh.
Oh, yes.
I've heard you've been violated when you were younger.
Ooh.
What a guy.
Yeah.
Nothing's clear.
There was someone called Catherine, apparently, who was quite interested.
However, he met a young woman named Sarah Childress.
In fact, they'd probably met years earlier,
as she was the younger sister of one of his classmates back in 1814,
but she'd only been 11 and he was 19 at that point.
So presumably, he didn't think twice about her until they met years later.
Hopefully not.
Let's say that.
But when they did meet years later, it was probably a case of,
oh, you're Sarah.
Oh. Oh, you've grown up. Yes. Oh, my God oh you're sarah oh you've grown up my god you've
how you've grown
oh i wish everything worked down there
well when sarah's father died and she moved back from school to stay with her mother at age 18, she caught James's eye,
and he sought to court her.
Yeah.
Quite successfully,
because the two were married in 1824 on New Year's Day.
Oh, imagine that.
I mean, seriously, who would do that?
You'd be so hungover, ridiculous.
You're getting married?
Congratulations, of course I come to the wedding.
New Year's Day, you say?
Oh. Right, okay. You'd agree to go, wouldn't you, knowing full well. I mean, you've got to. of course I come to the wedding New Year's Day you say ooh
right
you'd agree to go
wouldn't you
knowing full well
I mean you've got to
but it's fine
because you decide
it's fine
I just won't drink much
I won't drink much
it'll be fine
it'll be okay
but then he gets to the point
where I'll just keep drinking
yes
throughout the night
but then by 6am
you're passed out
that's why
in the church
it wasn't are you a family member
of the bride or the groom to decide which side
of the church they just had still drunk
or hungover sides
the party side
and the very quiet side
one side with the
curtains pulled
baking sandwiches out
if anyone here knows of any reason why
these two should not be married,
let their presence be known as to several groans.
And a wah!
So, yeah, I imagine that was an interesting wedding.
Yeah, it would be.
I can only assume they didn't celebrate New Year's Eve as much back then.
Oh, they wouldn't. You know they would have done.
Oh, yeah, they did.
It was just a horrendous wedding.
Let's just say that.
They were given a wedding present.
This is nice.
Oh.
Yeah, it was a boy.
Oh.
Yeah, named Elias.
That's nice, isn't it?
Elias or Elias?
Oh, maybe it's Elias.
Yeah.
It's E-L-I-A-S.
Oh, you see, I taught a boy with that spelling of name and it was pronounced
alias so i always yeah well we'll go we'll go no no it might be elias that sounds that sounds more
american anyway so alias yeah it's just one of those nice things that are thrown in just to
remind you how hideous the slave trade is it's like oh it's a wedding oh they're literally oh
i thought you meant they had children.
No.
Actually given a human being as a present.
Yeah, no, sorry, did you not understand that? No, that's horrible.
Yeah, that's horrible.
I wouldn't have joked so much.
Meanwhile, let's pan away from the wedding
where everyone's hungover, throwing up and...
Being sold.
Yeah, giving all the human beings away as presents.
Let's go over to Florida
because the governor of Florida has just decided to go home
and of course I'm talking about none other than Andrew Jackson.
Oh.
Oh, yes.
So we panned over to Florida
but now we've got to go back to Tennessee
because, yeah, that's what Jackson did.
Now, Jackson knew the Childress family.
Apparently Sarah referred to him as Uncle Andrew.
That's nice, isn't it?
Yeah. Scary Uncle Andrew. Him's nice, isn't it?
Scary Uncle Andrew.
Him with his pistols.
Yeah, the Polks also would become prominent enough in the
state to consider Andrew Jackson
a friend also. They're connected
enough. As we saw in
Jackson's episode, while he was building up
support for him to become president, it became clear
he needed to get an anti-Jackson Tennessee senator out of the Senate.
Yeah.
And the best person to do that was Jackson himself.
So Jackson puts his name forward for the National Senate.
Polk was happy enough to vote for him.
Nice.
Which is nice.
So Jackson wins 35 to 23.
Polk's vote, hardly decisive here.
But Jackson did notice.
The young Polk boy voted for me.
So when Jackson was writing Polk's name down later that day,
it went on the nice list, not the naughty list that he kept.
Jackson and Van Buren did get on, did they?
This is the second of my...
Yes, we're going to see.
Your prediction was that they did get on, yeah?
Huge admirer?
Admirer for Van Buren, yeah.
Yeah, as you can imagine, moving away from Van Buren,
when Jackson won the popular vote for the election of 1824,
Polk was very happy.
Yes, Jackson's going to become president.
He was therefore outraged, as outraged as any,
when the corrupt bargain between John Quincy Adams and Henry Clay occurred.
Jackson was denied the presidency due to these corrupt politicians.
Polk's so infuriated, in fact, he decided something needed to be done to help Jackson.
And the best place to do that was Washington.
So he was going to run for the House.
When he received word that old Hickory himself was endorsing his running,
the election pretty much became a sure thing
there were lots of debates over things such as state or national infrastructure improvements
etc etc but essentially polk was now known to be jackson's man so his support swelled and he won
that election about to turn 30 and he's sworn into the house as you can imagine the house were all
talking about the corrupt bargain and the adams Clay faction declared that it was far safer for elected officials to choose a sensible president
rather than allow the masses to elect who knows what idiot or populist.
I mean, they might just elect in some kind of populist war hero who doesn't really know how to read or write properly or something.
They didn't want that.
Polk was disgusted.
The Republic meant that the people should have the final say on who led them.
It was quite simple in Polk's mind.
Whoever got the most votes should be in charge.
And his first speech to Congress was a call to get rid of the electoral college.
What a guy.
Yeah.
As you know, it didn't work.
No, no.
No.
Anyway, Polk, very depressed in Washington.
He found a political class that seemed fairly indifferent to the ideals of the Republic.
A Congress that stacked things in favour of the Adams administration.
So he spent most of his time just opposing the president and working on behalf of Jackson.
Now, despite the endorsement from Jackson, he was hardly in the inner circle here yeah yeah he wanted to be in this inner circle it's where it
was all happening and he wanted to be in that room i'm a bit like that i like to i started to know
things yeah exactly so when jackson decided to create a washington newspaper because it's always
good to have good press uh polk saw his chance and put some of his own money into the enterprise,
along with the current vice president and Adams, Calhoun.
Yay!
Yeah.
In fact, after being re-elected to the House in 1827,
so he's been there for a year now, he's been re-elected,
Sarah moves to Washington to be with her husband.
Looks like he's going to be there for a while.
So his wife comes along.
They need to move to a bigger place.
They move into a boarding house with a number of other important people. So his wife comes along. They need to move to a bigger place. They move into a boarding house
with a number of other important people.
Yes, that's right. He's now living
with none other than the Vice President.
No. Calhoun. Oh my goodness.
Yes. That is a sitcom waiting
to happen.
It really is.
It's like Space
where you get the artist downstairs.
That's Calhoun.
Just hear the occasional sob and scream from upstairs.
A weird chainsaw-type sound.
Smash of a vase.
A screech of a rabbit.
The shadow of a body falling past you when you're out of your thump.
Then silent for weeks on end.
You know he hasn't laughed
then he screams that again while residents of this boarding house would often spend time in
each other's company and talk of the downfall of adams and clay it's around this time that
polk became an unofficial researcher the next presidential election was hotting up this is
the nasty one between john Quincy Adams and Jackson.
Yeah.
Where Rachel Jackson ends up dying.
And Jackson blames it on his opponents.
Didn't treat her very well, though, did they?
Yeah, it wasn't great.
Things got nasty.
Well, Polk was working during this election on refuting stories that were appearing in the anti-Jacksonian papers.
Fake news.
Well, they claimed that he had beaten people with his cane.
Well, that's not true.
I mean, he had done
that, but
they also claimed... Well, that's what I mean.
Fake news is news that you don't want people to know about,
but you have done. Oh, yeah. No, I see.
In that case, yes.
Because they claimed he had an affair
with a married woman, and then married her.
Which he had an affair with a married woman and then married her, which he had.
They claim this, though.
They claim that he'd murdered someone in a duel, which he had.
They claimed he'd set up illegal courts, which he had.
They even claimed he had illegally invaded a country.
Well. Yeah. they even claimed he had illegally invaded a country well yeah yeah still polk was working very hard to spin this into a positive light yeah he did all that but look his little face
he's not so happy and so okay smile sir smile he's not elitist? Hey, that'll do.
He's one of you.
Yes.
Yeah.
Jackson took note of the younger man's work on his behalf,
sent him a personal letter thanking him for the aid.
Which is nice.
Cheers.
I will not beat you.
Yes. Lots of love, Jackson.
Jackson, as we know, won this election,
and Polk overnight turned from blocking the government at every single step to supporting it.
He served as Jackson's voice in the House, pretty much,
working very hard against Nicholas Biddle.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the wizard and banker.
Yeah, Jackson declared war on the banks, as we've seen,
and Polk was Jackson's man in the House.
Also, a member on the Ways and Means Committee.
As a member of this committee,
Polk was able to use every opportunity to denounce the national banks
and voted against the committee's findings to support the banks' continuation.
But as we have seen, Jackson then vetoed that vote, destroying the banks.
Then another round of elections,
and it was possible for Polk to become the chair of the Ways and Means
Committee and soon enough
the committee was finding that the state banks
were actually the way forward. Now they've had
another look. Yeah, that's definitely
the way to go. In fact, Polk was doing well enough
that in 1834 he ran
to become the Speaker of the House.
Ooh. Yeah. Is that a bit
like our Speaker in the Parliament?
No, not quite so much. Our Speaker is meant to be non-partisan.
Yeah.
I suppose. In fact, I don't know if technically they are in America. They're just so obviously very partisan.
I don't know if there's meant to be a pretence or not.
It's currently obviously named Paul Ryan. Yeah, he's stepping down, though.
Soon going to be Pelosi.
So, yeah, it's going to change
come the next change.
Pelosi Republican? No, no, Democrat.
Well, they won the House, didn't they? Of course!
But yeah, so he's going to become
the Speaker, so pretty good
if he manages to get this.
However, despite having
Jackson's full support, he is Jackson's
man through and through by this point.
Calhoun, however,
as we know, had fallen out with Jackson
by this point. And also,
Van Buren was starting to think
of his own potential presidency.
So due to this, Polk
lost after ten rounds of voting
to a man named Bell. Jackson
heard news that his man had not got the seat and was furious.
This was not the way the vote was supposed to go.
So he immediately started pulling in favours to make sure that the next election would go Polk's way.
And sure enough, because it's a democracy after all, that's exactly what happened.
It's what he believes in.
It's about the people, isn't it, Polk?
It's about the people. Well, Pol, Polk? It's about the people.
Well, Polk defeated Bell and became Speaker of the House.
He was now at what many would consider the height of his political career.
You don't get much higher than Speaker of the House.
Anyway, James and Sarah moved out of the boarding house.
They'd had enough of the occasional screams.
Yeah.
Just all the dead rabbits left outside the house.
It just wasn't pleasant.
Nailed to the walls.
One of them was still alive.
Occasionally they'd open their cupboard in the morning
and Calhoun was just stood there staring.
Big eyes.
Big hair.
Saying nothing.
They just had to slowly close the door again.
Wear something else that day.
Yeah, they move out of there into their own residence and then james
turns his attention to leading the most divided house in the country's history because the era
of good feelings was well and truly over yeah well the weekend should we call it a weekend of good
feeling yeah the afternoon the siesta of good feelings. Yeah, that's definitely gone by this time.
The House now comprised of 108 Democrats,
mostly loyal to Jackson slash Van Buren,
and 107 Whigs.
Ooh.
Knife-edge.
Yeah.
And also 24 members who were elected on local issues.
So a man representing people who think rabbits deserve rights.
Yeah. What an idiot. They'd seen what Calh rabbits deserve rights. Ah, idiot.
They'd seen what Calhoun was doing.
Yeah, I'm not surprised.
Yeah.
Anyway, despite only a few years previously finding the partisan nature of Congress appalling,
Polk became the first speaker to very openly support the president's agenda.
He wasn't going to pretend to be neutral.
Van Buren had just won the election, so he was due to become president,
and Polk made little pretense
of stacking committees with Democrats.
So he supported
Van Buren, I was right. Admira.
Wessie.
Aww.
Now, one of the big issues Polk had to deal with,
of course, is slavery.
Yay. Yay. Debates
and petitions from anti-slavery groups
had dominated proceedings for quite some time, much to the disgitions from anti-slavery groups had dominated proceedings for quite some time,
much to the disgust of pro-slavery members.
All this talk of human rights is getting in the way of business.
So, a man named James Hammond from South Carolina proposed a new rule.
If anyone mentions slavery, the issue is immediately tabled and no one's allowed to talk about it anymore.
Because I said so, la la la la la, was how he put it.
Okay.
Yes.
This soon became known as the gag rule.
Polk referred this issue to a special committee that was set up,
which was led by Henry Pinckney of South Carolina.
It was obviously stacked with Democrats.
Yeah.
Who supported slavery.
It reported back that, and I quote here,
all petitions, memorials, or resolutions regarding slavery
should automatically be tabled and no further action be taken upon them.
Many were horrified, none more than John Quincy Adams,
who shouted out during the vote,
I hold the resolution to be a direct violation of the Constitution of the United States.
But no one listened to him.
No.
No.
John Quincy Adams fought against the gag law and failed to have it repealed in four consecutive attempts.
Until eventually he managed to get it lifted in 1844.
Yay.
But as we saw in John Quincy Adams' episodes, he was fighting against this for a while.
And, yeah, we heard about the gag rule a while ago. We now know when it comes in. Yeah. Under Polk.
Uh-oh. Well done, Polk. Good on you. Yeah. Now, even apart from the gag rule annoying
lots of people, the atmosphere in the house was very fraught. Enemies of Polk were starting
to look for a way to cause his downfall. One attempt involved him being provoked into doing something stupid.
What did he do?
Well, opponents realised that Polk was Jackson's man through and through.
So therefore, surely, if you're Jackson's man,
you're going to be susceptible to a duel or two, aren't you?
Ah.
Yeah.
I mean, come on, if you like Jackson, you like duelling.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, come on. If you like Jackson, you like dueling. Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, dear.
All we need to do is get him into a duel with Henry Wise over here.
Henry Wise, just elected from Virginia.
Crackshot, apparently.
That was his middle name.
Yeah.
Henry Crackshot Wise.
Yes.
There's got to be a joke in there about making some kind of wisecrack.
But, yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, the mission is to antagonise the Speaker. There's got to be a joke in there about making some kind of wisecrack.
Well, yeah, the mission is to antagonise the Speaker,
get him into a duel, and then shoot him.
Okay.
Or at least the whole thing will become so embarrassing that he'd have to resign.
Politics was slightly different back then.
Yeah, you can't do that now.
You could try.
Reason awkward.
He totally would. To pick his sword sword he's still got pistols um anyway wise would often be heard referring to
polk in disparaging terms okay okay you just do that all with your polk speeches that would
lead a man to a joke it it would yeah it's never getting
quieter or louder
never faster or slower
pulky
maybe he's elongating
it slightly
pulky
he's cut to him
eating his dinner
he's
Wise is just outside
the window
pulky
cut to him trying to sleep.
Paul Key.
Why is he stood literally right next to the bed?
Paul Key.
Yeah.
That'd be a bit annoying.
It would be.
He also said in between Paul Keys,
there sat the speaker like a cancer on the body politic.
Ooh.
Paul Key. Ooh. Polk.
He openly accused Polk of rigging the committees because Polk was rigging the committees.
Yeah.
And then one day as Polk was leaving the chambers, Weiss stood up, got right in Polk's face and
declared Polk to be, and I quote here,
damned arbitrary.
Oh!
And a petty tyrant.
Oh my... Oh, that's a sick put down.
Polk, however, although an admirer of Jackson, as we've seen,
did not share his temper and was unmoved by the insult
and simply walked past Wise.
Probably smiling slightly.
Probably harmonising on the pole key.
Pole key.
Whistling to himself.
It'd be a great song.
Goes back to his hummer, you know, at home.
Yeah.
Smashes out a number one hit. He's owned that insult i called it the wise man
well wise was furious that his insults were not landing and shouted after him and i love this
i mean it personal damn you pocket it so you're not getting insulted but i i actually mean to insult you here really personally come on
it's then he dropped the c-bomb oh
well the the plan to disgrace the speaker fails miserably basically pogs just not having any of
it he's above the fray good man yeah however what the opposition couldn't do, the economy did. After the Panic of 1837, the popularity of the Democrats starts to fail.
And with it, as did the Speakers.
Polk, in his early 40s, was still relatively young.
Certainly young enough to be thinking of his next career move.
But where to go after the Speaker of the House?
He started to think about the very top job.
He's young enough to do this.
However, despite being in Washington, he was in the wrong branch of government.
Being Speaker is not an obvious path to the presidency.
In fact, Polk is the only person in history to go from Speaker to become President.
Not just up until this point, but in all of American history.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, so it's just not a very obvious route.
You get into the cabinet, you become secretary of state, or you become vice president.
That's the journey you're supposed to make. What he needed to do was go home to Tennessee first,
become the governor, and from the governor position, work on getting the cabinet job,
or even the vice presidency. Also, the fact that Tennessee, for the first time ever, had a
non-democratic governor, led him to believe that this was his, the fact that Tennessee, for the first time ever, had a non-democratic governor
led him to believe that this was his best option.
Go home, restore the Democrats in Tennessee,
become a champion for the party,
and then use that as his platform.
Easy.
Only it wasn't.
Because the Whigs were actually doing quite well in Tennessee.
Polk toured his home state extensively.
To begin with, he was with his opponent.
They toured together. They debated.
This was a man named Cannon.
Oh!
Which is a good name.
I'm Cannon.
I'm Polk. Nice to meet you, sir.
I'd like to think his
first name was Flash.
But I don't think it was.
Or Massive.
I think Massive is too in your face.
That's what he wants, then.
Anyway, after a couple of debates,
Cannon declared he was too busy to continue.
He was the governor, after all.
So he was going to go back.
Yeah.
Polk did quite well in the debates, apparently.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Cannon decided this wasn't actually happening to him.
Polk carried on with his tour.
It was a very close call.
54,000 votes to 51,000 for Polk.
Oh, yes, he wins.
Jackson himself turned up for the inaugural address that Polk gave,
much to everyone's celebration, or at least the Democrats' celebration.
There's very little to say about Polk's time as governor
the state ticked along
as we've seen before
in some states being the governor
it didn't actually give you much power
it was more of a stepping stone
very much like this one
and Polk was definitely more interested in his next step
he figured that Van Buren's vice president Johnson
was too unpopular to continue
Johnson was a war hero from the War of 1812.
He had fought with Harrison, and some claimed that he had personally killed Tecumseh
in that battle where Tecumseh died, although this is impossible to say.
However, despite all this, and I'm fairly sure we mentioned this before,
Johnson was openly raising his children that he had had with his slave mistress
and treating them as if they were white.
This was far too much scandal for most people in the South.
Very liberal.
Yeah, so his chances of continuing seemed slim.
Polk hoped that, as a sovereign slave owner,
he would balance out Van Buren very well.
He would, in fact, be the better choice for the upcoming election. So he worked behind the scenes with supporters and friends to see
that this was possible. But then the governorship election came up again, and this time he faced a
man named Lean Jimmy Jones. Great names in this episode. Yeah, well Lean Jimmy Jones was a 30
year old who was really tall and gangly, apparently, hence the name,
who had a sharp wit, a sarcastic nature, a friendly demeanour.
He was just fun to be around.
It's Lean Jimmy, look.
Ah, Lean Jimmy Jones, I hear you're sarcastic.
No!
Yeah.
Things like that.
And everyone else would really laugh.
Yeah, everyone finds it hilarious to laugh at Polk.
He's like, what?
He's just repeating what I say in a stupid voice.
He just really wants to hear you say it right.
Everyone laughs.
What's going on?
Well, yeah, it's mentioned that Polk, by this point,
has had years of experience of debating.
He was the Speaker of the House.
I mean, come on.
Oh, yeah.
He's in the debating club as well.
Yeah. But this was all on. Oh, yeah. He's in a debating club as well. Yeah.
But this was all against politicians.
This was lean Jimmy Jones, who was just a bit of fun.
And he really struggled to debate against him.
I guess almost like a modern satirist.
The equivalent of, I guess, a politician debating...
Oh, what's his name?
That American chat show host.
Stephen Colbert? Yes. Yeah. You knew exactly what I meant, yeah? American chat show host. Stephen Colbert?
Yes.
Yeah.
You knew exactly what that meant, yeah?
Yeah.
Almost in character as Colbert as well.
Yeah, it might have been a bit like that.
Yeah, it threw Polk a bit.
Yeah.
It wasn't what he was used to.
Now, despite the fact that Polk obviously was very well known in the state,
Liam Jimmy's sheer force of personality counted for a lot.
Polk lost.
Ooh. Yeah. He was by now
the de facto leader of the Democrats in Tennessee, but he now had no post. He sees his influence
waning, and with it his hopes to be selected as the vice president nominee. Polk was unable to
do anything but refuse to turn up to vote for new senators, along with the other Democratic state delegates, which is just a fun move.
Yeah, the Tennessee senators' seats were just left empty
because Polk and the others refused to vote on anyone,
so there wasn't enough people in the state senate to choose.
That's a bit sad.
Yeah, the Whig politicians were not happy at all.
The public generally were not happy at all.
This was quite clearly just subverting democracy.
Shutting down the government.
Yeah, it was government shut down, essentially.
It just led to deadlock, public frustration.
So much so, in fact, that he lost the next race for governor as well.
So he was now a two-time loser.
He probably brought on himself a little bit.
Yeah.
The momentum certainly seems to have gone out of his career here and many around him started to think that it was all over.
They said that to him with their hand on his shoulder, looked right into his eyes.
It's all over, Pog. I'm so sorry, but it's definitely all over. Now, whilst all this is
happening, Van Buren's lost to Harrison, and Harrison's died. Oh! Yeah.
So Tyler's now the president.
None of this did anything to help Polk's position, but just making you aware of what's going
on.
Van Buren's got a bit more free time on his hands, though, and he decides to do a tour
of the country, and this would indirectly lead to Polk becoming president.
Hmm.
One stop on his journey was Jackson's house.
The two hadn't seen each other for a while,
so Van Buren headed towards the ex-president's home,
and Polk was invited, which is nice.
Apparently, according to Van Buren, this was a non-political trip.
It's just a holiday. That's all.
Few were fooled by this, obviously.
This is the Democrats getting together
and trying to figure out what we're going to do now the Whigs are in charge. We're not sure what they discussed, but it was probably politics. Polk threw a party
just to show Van Buren how much support Polk had raised, and presumably Jackson put in a word for
his protégé. However, we don't know if the vice-presidency was discussed at this time,
or claimed afterwards that it wasn't. That means it probably was. It probably was, yeah.
However, this meeting between Van Buren, Jackson and Polk is not the one that has an effect on
Polk in the future, because Van Buren also met with none other than political rival Henry Clay.
Unknown to Jackson and Polk, Van Buren did not agree on their ideas about Texas. Jackson and Polk were all in favour
of this newly independent Texan republic to be brought into the union. But despite their shared
party, Van Buren, ever the politician, was a little bit more cautious, as we have seen.
You can kind of see why.
Oh yeah, I mean, we've covered this before. Bringing Texas into the country was dangerous
politically. Now, we don't
know what Clay and Van Buren talked about, but historians deduce some kind of agreement was come
to. Both men had clearly decided to run for the next presidency. Tyler was doing terribly. Whoever
ran had a good chance of getting in. Both were convinced they could beat Tyler. He had no party.
Now, they both differed wildly in their political beliefs.
They were both going to head two different political parties,
but there was one thing they agreed on.
Allowing Texas into the Union was a bad idea.
It would lead to the slavery issue erupting,
civil strife, even civil war.
It would seem that they agreed that neither would push the issue
during the election or, indeed, as president.
So a little bargain was struck upon.
We just won't mention it.
Yeah.
Ever.
Yeah, this will be bad for me, it will be bad for you.
Bad for Whigs, bad for Democrats.
Let's just keep quiet.
Just put it into the map.
Yeah.
May the best man win in the election.
No point talking about it, that's fine.
Obviously Polk knew none of this.
Yeah.
But it will have an effect on him shortly, as we'll see.
Anyway, he's busy arranging the electioneering for Van Buren on behalf of the Democrat Party.
But more importantly, his bid to become vice president.
He still dreams to become vice president.
Yeah.
So he met with a couple of his closest friends, including Congressman Cave Johnson.
He's back.
Oh, Cave!
Cave's back. Yeah, and someone called Aaron Brown as well, who Congressman Cave Johnson. He's back. Oh, Cave! Cave's back.
Yeah, and someone called Aaron Brown as well, who's apparently important.
He's not called Cave Johnson, though.
No.
Let's just strike him from the record.
Well, together they set out their plan, the plan for Polk to become vice president.
They soon realised that this was going to be tough.
The Democratic Party was a minefield of men attempting to gain position.
Van Buren was currently the favourite to gain the presidential nomination at the convention coming up.
This is his post-presidency?
Yes, this is him trying to get back in.
Yeah, I did say at the end of his episode, he does try and become president again, and this is it.
And he is favourite in the party.
Everyone thinks Van Buren's the man to beat Tyler.
But there was also a man named Crass who was close behind.
Cave, Cave Johnson, heard that Crass favoured Polk becoming his vice-president.
But Cave also warned Polk that maybe this was a trap to get Polk's supporters out in the open
and away from potential alliance with Van Buren.
Ooh.
Yes, there's lots of scheming going on in the background.
Dirty scheming. Plus, it was looking more and more likely that it's definitely going to be Van Buren who Ooh. Yes. There's lots of scheming going on in the background. Dirty scheming. Plus, it was looking
more and more likely that it's definitely going to be
Van Buren who wins at the convention.
The numbers are going his way. So
despite what Kras was thinking,
Polk's team had to hitch their wagon
to the Van Buren wagon
train to finish
that metaphor.
Now the trouble with this
is that Van Buren didn't seem to be in any way interested in having Polk as his running mate, which is a shame.
So they needed to get a way to get into Van Buren's good books.
But then news from the capital came.
Shocking news.
The president was on board the Princeton when its cannon had exploded.
Many had died, including the secretary of state and the secretary of the navy. The president was on board the Princeton when its cannon had exploded.
Many had died, including the Secretary of State and the Secretary of the Navy.
Ten days after this shocking news, more shocking news came.
Personally to Polk, Tyler wanted him to be the new Navy Secretary, a position in the Cabinet.
But Tyler's Cabinet.
The man withouted to party.
Well, Alan Brown and Cave Johnson,
both believing their friend's attempt to become vice president was pretty much dead,
urged him to go for it.
Look, this is the best you're going to get.
Go for the Navy secretary job.
Even though we don't have a Navy, really.
I mean, the one boat we had, we blew up.
Yeah, but go on.
You get to wear a fancy uniform.
Yeah, you get a funny hat. Yeah, it'd be it'd be nice polk however would have none of it he wanted to be vice president he was going to be
vice president damn it yeah it was then just as things looked hopeless that the unknown meeting
between clay and van buren from a couple of years before bore fruit assuming that they had agreed on
the following we don't know for certain but it. Assuming that they had agreed on the following,
we don't know for certain, but it seems like they did. Because both men on the same day published
an article in different newspapers. Both of them wrote about how the annexation of Texas was a bad
idea. Polk was devastated by the news because only five days previously he had published an article outlining how the idea was
a fantastic one ah damn it i've got a cozy up to van bjorn how can i do it let's talk about how
great texas is yeah yeah i'm sure van bjorn will like that yeah oh oh he said what oh
yeah he now suddenly found himself opposing the only man
who could give him a shot at becoming vice president.
The dream is over.
Probably sat down, had a little cry.
Had a sip of rum.
Yes.
Get rid of the pain.
Yeah.
He's not been able to touch brandy again since that day.
Yeah.
Bring splashbacks.
But then, all of a sudden, he gets an invite from Jackson.
Come round to the house. The old man was furious that Van Buren was not willing to take in Texas.
Jackson really wanted Texas in the Union. And Jackson was looking for any way for the annexation
to go ahead. And what he said to Polk, and to one of Polk's friends who was there at the time,
it wasn't Cave Johnson.
But let's say it was, because we like Cave.
Yeah.
Anyway, so Jackson's saying to Polk, and not Cave Johnson,
that the only way we can make sure that Texas gets into the union
is for Van Buren to lose the election.
The only way for Van Buren to lose the election
is if someone else in the Democratic Party takes the election. The only way for Van Buren to lose the election is if someone else in the Democratic Party
takes the nomination.
And who better than Polk?
Who, me?
What?
I just want to do nothing.
I want to be Vice President.
I don't want an actual job.
I just want to get paid and have a fancy office.
None of this decision-making rubbish. Well, Polk was certainly taken aback.
He wrote to Cave Johnson. Oh no. He wrote to Cave Johnson.
Cave Johnson we just said was there. Maybe he wrote to him anyway. No. Maybe he's got two
friends called Cave Johnson. Yeah. It's popular now. It is. Well, he wrote to
Cave Johnson stating that he'd never aspired to such a high office
or at least not so soon,
and doubting very much if this was possible at all.
But despite that, they get together and they plot out their plan.
Just in case.
Yeah.
This is the good stuff.
This is the stuff in history I like.
I mean, you can give me battles and I will skim over the detail.
Just tell me who won.
But give me a national convention,
and I'm like well give me
the details who's plotting with who here so here we go the democratic convention of 1844 in baltimore
delegates from all different states were going to descend upon the city and vote for who was going
to be the presidential nominee the first to get so many votes wins, basically. Yeah. Yeah. Van Buren
obviously, as I said, clear favourite to win.
Kras also doing very well in the
public opinion at this point. Polk's
name was literally nowhere.
Not even for vice president,
despite the fact he'd been campaigning for that
for quite some time.
Yeah. And yet,
Polk and his little band of supporters
aimed not just to get the
vice presidency, but the top job itself. Now, Polk's not going, as is traditional. You sent
your men in. Yeah. Yeah. Now, the first step of Polk, Cave, and Aaron Brown's plan was to focus
on the delegates who were coming in from their home states. Yeah. Polk knew Washington well
enough to realise
that anyone coming from Washington
will have already formed their cliques
that would not be moved.
Yep.
What we need to do is pick off the stragglers,
the strangers who don't really know
the political scene very well.
So, they decided to invite one person
from every single state to a pre-convention meeting.
They had a little party,
and they discussed the state of the party.
Union is important.
Unity within the party is very important.
They discussed possible futures.
Certainly didn't mention Polk's name.
No.
But just got to know at least one person
from every single state.
Yeah, make a friend.
Exactly.
Then it was off to the convention itself.
The Kras delegates made the first move.
I mean, they had some ground to catch up on Bamburin.
A man named Romulus.
Oh, yeah, Romulus Saunders.
He's high-fiving himself all day.
Yeah, his mother, whilst giving birth, high-fiving the father.
He's high-fiving himself as well.
High-fives all around pretty much he's
like the todd from scrubs yes romulus saunders stood up at the front just shouted out i am
romulus and i was high-fived yeah but then proposed a crass delegate. What the? Yeah.
Who is that?
Exactly.
That kind of.
Well, Romulus proposed that that man become chair of the meeting.
It's your time to speak, you dick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And this worked, which it really shouldn't have done,
because Romulus stood up before everyone was in the convention.
It was while people were filing into the meeting. Okay. Romulus had jumped to the front and said, I think this man
should be chair, who was friendly to the crass delegations. A bunch of people shouted aye,
and it went through. That's quite clever. Yeah. So, democracy. Battle number one to the crass team.
Yeah.
So, um... Democracy.
Battle number one to the crass team.
Then Romulus attempted to get it agreed that the nominee must win by two thirds.
Ooh.
Van Buren was ahead enough that it looked like he would win if it was a simple majority.
Yeah.
But if they can get the two thirds majority rule put in before the vote takes place,
Van Buren won't be able to win outright.
Now again, Romulus is saying this
whilst people are filing in. So it's all a bit dodgy. This is when Cave makes his first move.
He stands up and declares that this simply was not on. Not everyone's in the room. We can't have
this. This is undemocratic. Cave knew that the motion would surely carry. There were enough
people for this to go through, even if everyone is in the room. But what this meant is that the motion would surely carry There were enough people for this to go through
Even if everyone is in the room
But what this meant is that the Van Buren crowd
Now would look very friendly at the Polk team
Just getting them in with the Van Buren crowd
Yeah
Sure enough, once everyone was in
The motion was passed
The winner now needed two thirds of the vote
177 votes in fact
And that's it, that took the first day. Nice. The Polk team
then met in a room somewhere full of smoke, I imagine. Yeah. It was decided on their plan of
action. They should not play their hand too soon. Allow the convention to become tense, acrimonious,
really let people start to get frustrated. Yeah. Then, Polk could sweep in as a compromise vote.
For this to work, what they needed to do was get both sides to think very favourably of them.
Now, they've already gone in with the Van Burens.
Now they need to cosy up with the Crasses.
So, the next day, the first ballot was cast.
Van Buren, 146.
Crass, 83.
Five others get a handful of votes.
Six went to Calhoun.
Wow.
Yeah, I imagine that is Calhoun stood there next to six very scared-looking people.
Slightly glazed eyes.
Yeah.
Polk's name not mentioned at all.
No votes, no one's even suggesting him.
Now, obviously, despite Van Buren clearly winning the first round, that is not two-thirds.
No. No, he's a few off here. So, obviously, despite Van Buren clearly winning the first round, that is not two-thirds. No.
No, he's a few off here.
So, everything adjourns for a while.
Talks are happening until the next round of voting can take place. The poker team were very
busy tracking down those men that
they'd invited to the pre-meeting.
Yeah. Just sending out some feelers.
What are things
like in Massachusetts?
Not going well. How are things going in Massachusetts? Not going well.
How are things going in South Carolina?
So they've got a bit of an in here.
One of Polk's team worked on Van Buren's
whilst another worked on the Kras team.
If your man crashes out, we don't want that to happen.
But how about Polk, perhaps?
Because you don't want Van Buren or Kras to win, do you?
How about Polk instead?
So just sending out those feelers.
Meanwhile, Cave himself approached a man named Silas Wright,
a delegate from New York.
Surprisingly left wing.
Well, if Van Buren fails, the Tennessee delegation,
all of us will support you, Silas, in your nomination.
Now, Cave knew that Silas would not want to run.
He was far too loyal to Van Buren.
But suddenly a very powerful New York delegate was looking very favourably at the Tennesseans.
He's splitting the vote.
Just cosying up to people.
Yeah, yeah.
Throwing their support behind people they know aren't going to run.
Just so it looks good. I'm't going to run just so it looks good
I'm not going to run but thank you
thank you Tennessee
you guys are alright
anyway this continued for the second day
backroom talks, discussions over brandy
the Polk team were not working alone however
there was another team trying an identical move to them
a man named Buchanan.
You might want to remember his name.
Buchanan. Yes.
I've put a box around his name. Why not? Go for it.
Yeah, so these two teams are both trying to do
the same thing. Trying to
cosy in with the Van Buren's and the Crass's
but at the same time work against each other
without anyone really finding
out exactly what it is they're doing.
So, a lot of man of maneuvering going on.
Anyway, second round begins.
Van Buren's vote had dropped to 127.
He's losing votes.
Kras was now in the lead, 131.
This continued for a while.
The seventh roll call, things looked quite similar between them,
but both were starting to lose votes.
Both were hovering around
the 100 mark oh interesting yeah it became very clear that this stalemate needed to be overcome
neither man could win still no one names polk officially there's no option to vote for polk
but it seems like everyone's talking about him. Anyway, the second day
ends. The Polk team meet once
more. It's time to roll the
die. Tomorrow, they would place
forward Polk as a compromise vote
and hope that their day's work
proves successful. In the morning, the
eighth roll call result was announced.
Van Buren 104,
Kras 114.
Polk, new in the race, 44.
Not bad.
By this time, the Van Buren supporters and the Kras supporters were at each other's throats,
both seeing this slip away from them, both blaming the other side.
Polk's team stood in the middle, calm as a sea,
which was noticed by quite a few people.
They're quite level-headed, aren't they?
Yeah.
They've got a man named Cave in their delegation.
That's pretty good.
The main delegates, the New York delegates,
and the Virginian delegates all together go off and have a little meeting.
Probably a huddle.
That's probably how they did it back then.
Then they went,
Have a seat.
Have a seat. One goes, What are you even saying? Then they all put their
hands in the middle.
Go New York!
And then they came back into the meeting.
Each state came back to say
unofficially,
chatting, but they were going to vote
for Polk next time.
The dam had burst.
Van Buren, realising he can't win
this anymore, drops out.
His votes pretty much all
go to Polk, who in the final
round got 233
votes. Kras got 29.
Wow.
Polk, from nowhere, from
hoping to become vice-president,
becomes the presidential nominee.
Wow.
A true dark horse.
Now, the Democrats were cautiously optimistic with their surprise choice.
Okay.
This could work.
Surprising, but we'll carry on.
The Whigs were over the moon.
This is brilliant, they thought.
There's no way he'll win.
Well, yeah.
I mean, they had nominated Clay immediately.
Clay was their man.
It's time he became president.
How often has he nearly been president by now?
This is like the 20th time.
There's only been seven presidents.
It's obvious he should be the next president.
He's a household name, after all.
Born to be president.
Somehow never been.
It's his turn.
And who's running against him?
Polk.
Who's Polk?
It even sounds weird when you say it.
It's like a condition.
It's like the thing we get on your skin.
Polk.
Polk.
Polk.
Polk.
Who's Polk?
Polk.
Yeah.
Polky Polk.
And this literally became the campaign slogan for the wicks as the election hearted up.
Who is James Polk?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was just, who is this guy?
And he thinks he can beat Henry Clay.
I could tell that on your side, though.
This is James Polk.
This is what I believe.
Well, the Democrats did indeed decide to say who James Polk was.
Nice.
And they decided to use a nickname.
The nicknames have been working well recently.
Polky.
Not Polky, no. They come up with a brilliant nickname. The nicknames have been working well recently. Polky. Not Polky, no.
They come up with a brilliant nickname.
Young Hickory.
You mentioned that last week.
Yes.
Like Jackson is old Hickory.
Exactly.
This is the new Jackson.
You love Jackson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, now we've got a new Jackson.
Only he's not killing people.
Yeah, Jackson 2.0.
Yeah.
New, improved and calmer yeah no guns
yeah and he's running against clay corrupt bargain clay enemy of jackson this is brilliant
yeah the young hickory nickname catches on quite well nice but despite the nickname if people were
expecting a rerun of the excitement of the last election, they were to be disappointed.
Remember, the last election was fun.
Big balls rolling all over the place and singing songs and all sorts.
Free whiskey being handed out.
But last time it was a war hero against a man who was widely hated.
So lots of reasons to get passionate.
This time it's Henry Clay again.
Sorry, Polk was it? Polk, right, okay. And also, Polk had bigger worries than campaigning, because he was now the leader of a party that had
quite a few large names in it. And they now had a choice. Did the likes of Van Buren, Kras, Calhoun, etc. openly throw their support behind Polk?
Or keep it lukewarm,
wait for him to lose,
and then challenge Clay in four years' time?
Oh, yeah, it's a bit of a...
Yeah.
It's a pickle.
Yeah.
Well, Polk's team were once again
thinking ahead of the curve.
Polk announced, to many people's surprise,
that he only seeked one term.
Ooh. Yeah. That's going to help he only seeked one term. Ooh.
Yeah.
That's going to help.
He would step down after four years.
All of a sudden, there's literally no reason to oppose him if you're a Democrat.
It's like, okay, well, he can do one term, and then I'll get in.
Polk was also very open about who would get what job in the new administration.
I mean, Calhoun, remember, was the current Secretary of State, and he wanted to stay.
And were there jobs for Crass and Van Buren? Surely there would be. After all, I'm so very young to be
president. I'd be the youngest president ever. I'd certainly need some wise men around me.
Nice.
Yeah. So, Polk soon had support of his own party. He managed to get them behind him. The Whigs
attempted to dredge Polk's character
through the muck. They'd used this
before. It's a tactic they'd use again.
But there's a problem. I mean, there's
nothing to Polk. That's true.
He hasn't really said what he is or what he does.
Yeah. Sam Houston
said of Polk at one point
that the man could only be accused of being addicted
to water.
That's a brilliant insult.
Yeah.
That's fantastic.
They attempted to use Polk's grandfather's capitulation with the British during the war.
Though my farm burnt down.
Yeah, it went nowhere.
The Polk team were able to find plenty of evidence that Ezekiel was very loyal.
Yeah.
I mean, he became a sheriff and
everything. Equally, of course, the Democrats tried to attack Clay because they'd done that
and they'd do it again. But it did very little. I mean, Clay was so well known, there's just
nothing new. Everyone knew everything they needed to know about Clay and they either supported him
or didn't. So that didn't really go anywhere.
So after a slightly disappointing election,
the result week came along.
This is four days where the states would report their votes.
Polk was at home awaiting the news.
The popular vote was insanely close. Out of two and a half million votes,
there were only 38,000 votes in between the two.
Really close.
That is really close.
It's a stadium.
Yeah.
However, when New York's 36 electoral college votes came in for Polk,
he knew he had won.
Van Buren's Regency Party.
You remember them?
Van Buren, when he was in, he had set up the Regency Party.
That's still going.
And they've managed to swing the state for Polk.
Wow.
Yeah, so Van Buren's still working his magic in the background there.
Yeah, and with New York, Polk won the election.
170 electoral college votes declares 105.
Poor Clay loses yet again.
Oh.
Yeah, Polk was to be the 11th President
of the United States.
There you go.
I managed to get up
to his presidency again
as episode one.
Yeah, you did.
With the bad ones,
you're doing quite well.
So there you go.
That's Polk.
That was Polk.
I mean, there's not much
to him really, isn't there?
Um, no.
No.
I mean, he got chopped up a bit.
There's no clear indication
of what he cares about so far. No, he's very much a bit. There's no clear indication of what he cares about so far.
No, he's very much a blank slate.
I read one biography all the way through,
and I read chapters of another,
and there's a lot of talking about what other people are doing
that are near punk.
Hmm.
Not a good sign.
Yeah.
But it really highlights the politics that's now happening behind the scenes.
Yeah. He started with Van Buren.
Now it's really ramped up a peg.
Hasn't it really?
Everything that goes on behind the scenes to get someone into power.
Or the manipulation.
Democracy's dead.
It's been dead for 300 years, hasn't it?
It was never alive.
I'm going to say this.
He is widely considered one of the better presidents
out of the little-known presidents.
Okay.
I'm guessing when he's president, he does more.
I can only assume he's going to do better next episode
because nothing's setting me alight here.
No.
And all I've got to go on, really, at the moment
is that he was quite happy with slavery. Ooh. Yeah. It's like, if that's all I've got to go on really at the moment is that he was quite happy with slavery.
Ooh.
Yeah.
It's like, if that's all I've got, it's not great.
He's already in minus figures already just from that.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
But we'll see.
We will see next time how he does.
Yeah.
Again, moon landing.
Is that, am I?
That was JFK.
Right.
Still too early for moon landing.
But yeah.
Okay.
Well, I think we're going to end it there
yeah I think so
Merry Christmas everyone
and a Happy New Year
and if you're not celebrating Christmas
Merry it's Winter
Merry Winterfest
or if you're American, Happy Holidays
have a good holiday
period is what I'm trying to say
release schedule over the next couple of weeks not entirely sure what we're doing Holidays. Have a good holiday period is what I'm trying to say.
Release schedule over the next couple of weeks.
Not entirely sure what we're doing.
Schedule. Schedule.
It's about schedule.
I prefer schedule.
CH.
Shh.
Yeah.
Like.
S-C-H, shed.
Think of another example that does that.
CH.
Harsh CH.
S-C-H.
S-C-H.
Shh.
School.
Don't. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. SCH. we'll probably end up missing at least one week I'm sure but I don't know so I think it falls quite well for us because we've got one we were doing one after Boxing Day on the 27th recording an episode then we'll go the next weekend
we're not going to be able to do the research we're not going to be able to do that I was thinking it's like it's all very well
planning in the recording session but I need to do the research so I'm not going to get trapped
that's no part of my consideration at all yeah fair enough so yeah we might be knocked
off a week
I don't know
maybe it's the new year
after the next one
yeah yeah
but in the meantime
thank you for listening
to us
please leave reviews
as and when you feel fit
and
oh and if you get
anything like
American-y
for Christmas
post it to us
as in post it online
not send us your
item that you don't like.
That makes more sense.
I thought you were just doing a general call out for presents.
I have no family.
Yeah, no, no.
Show us some really cool American-y things you have.
And we'll do the same.
Yes.
And we full well will get nothing.
Yes.
Right.
Okay.
Thank you very much for listening then.
And we will see you next time. Goodbye, okay. Thank you very much for listening, then, and we will see you next time.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Ah, Mr. Polk, well, I can see from your chart your current condition.
Please take a seat and we'll discuss the current options.
I'm scared.
What are you scared of?
Is it going to really hurt?
It won't hurt at all.
We're a very good clinic here.
We've treated thousands of patients.
And we have the best anaesthetic in the modern USA.
Oh, pain relief.
Yes, it's a 12-year VSOP brandy straight from France.
Ooh.
Which is for me.
Oh.
And your stuff over there in the barrel with the...
See the one with the pipe coming out of it?
We call that the chugging brandy.
Oh.
So let's just pop this pipe into this orifice.
Ooh.
Oh, sorry.
Wrong one.
Into your mouth.
A new one would be that long.
So, take a few sips, sir, and let's see how anesthetic is working.
Oh, that's strong stuff. I will ask you some names to gauge your anesthesia. Okay. First
one, what is your name? James Polk.
You're clearly still very sober, sir.
Right, next question.
Take five more gulps.
Okay.
Yeah.
What colour is the sky?
At the moment, blue.
Okay, so I'd say you're probably stage one.
Five more gulps if you will, sir. Okay, so I'd say you're probably stage one. Five more gulps if you will, sir.
Okay, here we go.
What is the first letter of the alphabet?
A.
Not bad, not bad.
A, A, A.
Okay, silent effect, that's quite good.
Oh dear.
All right, take five more gulps, sir.
Okay, A.
Right, how many fingers am I holding up?
This test will be repeated later on.
One, two, three, four. Four.
Actually, it's three. One's a thumb, but I'll
go with that. I say you're still too sober.
Okay, take another five gulps there.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
Would you like a kebab?
I would love a kebab. I love
you.
Okay, okay.
Where did you get the traffic cone from?
I was only turning around one minute.
I mean...
I was dancing.
Oh, I love this one.
Should we dance to this one?
There is no music.
Still too lively.
Okay, take five more cuts.
I'm too good at it.
I rose through the ranks. I rose through the... five more guts I'm too good right Do you think
if I
No sir
If I gave you the keys
to your carriage
and your horse
would you still be able
to drive home
I'm fine
I'm fine
I've only had a couple
I could certainly
drive home
I'm going
all the way home
I hate you Give me the keys Give me the keys No I can't give you the keys sir I'll drive home. I'm going all the way home. I hate you.
Give me the keys.
No, I can't give you the keys, sir.
I'll drive home.
I'll drive right home.
No, your horse will be impounded, sir.
I can't do that.
Okay, just take five more gulps.
There we go.
How many fingers am I now holding up, sir?
What fingers?
Okay, that's a good...
Okay, one more question.
Right, right.
Okay.
Out of all of the Beatles,
who is most musically gifted?
Oh, that is easy.
That is Ringo.
Ringo.
Oh, God, you're clearly perfect.
Let me get the spatula and the spoon.
Sam, already unhappy
with this,
so I balked at this.
Bark. Bark. living the spoon. Sam, already unhappy with this. Borked at this. Bork.
Bork.
God, it's end of term, isn't it?
Just sat there. Bork.
Bork. Bork. Bork.
Oh, what is wrong with us?
Borky, bork, bork, bork.
Borky, bork, bork, bork. Bork. Borky, bork, bork, bork. Bork. Borky, bork, bork poke, poke. Poke, poke, poke, poke. Poke.
Poke, poke, poke, poke.
Poke.
Poke, poke, poke, poke.
Poke.